#god I need to get some exercise I feel like crap

[misscinnamonroll16]

More of the brozone headcanons

John Dory is almost constantly complaining about either his neck or his back (lick my-) hurting

Bruce and Clay pull a Sokka and tell either Poppy or Viva that they don't really remember what their dad looked like but they often picture him looking similar to JD

Clay constantly leaves his clothes lying about and it pisses John off. And for once, Clay is NOT doing it on purpose.

I don't remember if I've said this already but John Dory takes it upon himself to do all of his brother's laundry. Like fold and everything. Problem is he doesn't tell them he's doing this. He just takes their laundry, washes it, dries it, folds it and puts it back. They only notice that their laundry has gone missing after it's been returned. The lil bros get together and are like "is it you? If it's not you then who?" Process of elimination at that point.

When Floyd drops something, he flicks it off before picking it up.

John Dory experimented with makeup when he was on his own. Not enough to be great at it or wear it all the time but enough. He definitely winged his liner with a knife.

Clay snorts when he laughs really hard

The younger brothers definitely still snitch on each other to John Dory. Clay being a little shit to Floyd and Floyd goes "John! Clay's being mean to me!" "Clay stop being mean to Floyd or so help me God, I'll come down there!" They all know it's incredibly childish and they're way too grown up to be tattling but that's not going to stop them

When they were in school, the younger brothers didn't do the thing of accidentally calling the teacher mom, they accidentally called their teacher John/John Dory/JD. John doesn't know about it and they'd like to keep it that way.

John likes cooking to music. He'll most often play some of their old albums and some of the other music their grandma had. It's all fine and dandy until one of the others walk into the kitchen and either scared the crap out of him or make fun of his dancing

The boys favorite candies: JD likes spicy candy and sour candy. Bruce likes the fruit candies, mike and ikes, things like that. Clay likes salted caramels and sour candy. Floyd is definitely a lover of chocolate but especially dark chocolate. Branch doesn't really have a favorite candy but if he had to pick he'd say gummies or gumdrops.

Floyd's room is decorated with posters and pictures all over the walls, you can barely see the actual wall.

Floyd convinces John to get his ears pierced after seeing John Dory just stare longingly at his ears (it sounds way weirder than it is 😆)

Floyd has the highest pain tolerance, then John, Branch, Clay and Bruce

Floyd definitely would walk around in an adult onesie (like a stitch one)

Floyd's favorite holiday is Halloween (or whatever it's called in their universe)

For Halloween, usually Clay dressed up as a superhero, Floyd was a princess, branch got roped into whatever Floyd was doing. The other two were "too old" to trick or treat but when they did dress up, John often went for either a hero or first responder. Bruce always tried the gory costumes

John feels like he can't do the things that his brothers do (mainly Floyd) with decorating their bodies. He's still got that "I need to be perfect" mentality, making him think he can't get body mods. Floyd convinces him to do the thing.

Floyd knows how to pole dance. He says he learned it for the exercise.

Clay still believes in Santa in secret

[101-degrees]

Hey! Could I get some prompts about otp having a nice day out when Person A starts feeling light-headed and clutches at Person B's shoulder before fainting? Maybe some symptoms before like feeling thirsty or too hot?

Thanks 😊

I’ll do my best! I’ve designated them with sickie and caretaker roles, just to keep things less confusing, but obviously Person B doesn’t have to be a caretaker if you use any of these prompts.

Sickie

“Can we stop for a minute?”

“It feels a lot warmer than it was supposed to be today…”

“Ugh, god. I’m sweating through my shirt.”

“You’re really not hot?”

“Whoa…I just got really lightheaded.”

“I need to sit down.”

“Did you bring any water with you? I left mine in the car…”

“I feel like I’m swaying…”

Caretaker

“Are you okay? You don’t look so good.”

“Do you wanna find somewhere to sit?”

“Holy shit, you’re sweating buckets.”

“Could you stop leaning on me? You’re not the only one suffering from this heat.”

“Stay here, I’ll get you some water.”

“Whoa, please don’t pass out on me.”

“I told you to bring your water bottle. Here, you can have some of mine.”

“Just hold onto me. Steady yourself.”

Both

“I think I’m gonna pass out.” “You’re so dramatic.” “I’m not joking.”

“We can go inside to escape the heat?” “I don’t think I’m gonna make it to the door.”

“I feel like I’m gonna faint.” “That’s normal at first. Your body just isn’t used to the exercise. You’ll get better.” “No…something’s wrong.”

“Holy crap…I’ve never seen you chug anything like that before.” “Yeah and somehow I’m still thirsty.”

“Catch me.” “What? A?!”

“B…?” “It’s okay. I’ve got you. You passed out.”

“Why didn’t you tell me you weren’t feeling well?” “I didn’t wanna complain…” “A, if you feel like you’re going to pass out onto the concrete, you have permission to complain.”

[ladykissingfish]

*Sasori and Kakuzu, talking*

Sasori: You know, I love mine a lot. I do. He’s always so happy to see me. When I come home, even if I’ve only been gone for half an hour, he gets so excited that he jumps up on me and practically knocks me over. He makes my whole apartment brighter, just having him there. But, honestly, I never imagined how much work went into having one.

Kakuzu: Oh I know what you mean, I feel the same about mine. He eats so much, the food bill is astronomical most of the time. And grooming? Whew.

Sasori: Oh, don’t get me started on grooming. The other day mine somehow got into the cabinet where I hide things and got all into the sugar. You know how hard it is to untangle hair from wet, sticky substances?

Kakuzu: Do you have an issue when it’s time to take yours to get a check-up, or shots?

Sasori: God … it’s always a nightmare. I practically have to blindfold him to get him into the car, then lock the doors and windows so he can’t jump out.

Kakuzu: That’s better than mine. Mine gets so anxious and combative that I have to give him a sedative so that he doesn’t bite anyone.

Sasori: I know what you mean. Mine will —

Hidan: Oi, old fucks! Stop talking about us like we’re dogs, dammit!

Deidara: Yeah, hm. You guys are acting like we’re some dumb animals or something!

Kakuzu: Apologies, you two. Perhaps you’re right.

Sasori: At any rate, Deidara, it’s time for a walk. You need some exercise.

Kakuzu: Hidan and I will join you; a long walk in the afternoon helps him sleep better at night.

Deidara, excitedly: A walk? We’re going for a walk?!  *starts dancing around*

Hidan, tugging at Kakuzu’s sleeve: Can we go to that one park we went to last week? Can we, can we, huh?

Sasori: Deidara, if we go, no chasing after people like last time. Others are allowed to disagree with your opinions on art.

Kakuzu: And Hidan, for the love of God, no picking up any and everything you find to take home. We have enough dirty crap that you’ve “collected”.

Sasori: You two behave and later, we’ll get ice cream. Okay?

Deidara: Holy shit; a walk AND a treat?! Best day ever!

Hidan: You said it, blondie! 

Sasori and Kakuzu:

[wishfulwithwine]

Ghost Rider - Five

Bradley “Rooster” Bradshaw x pilot female reader

Summary:

You lived up to your callsign, Ghost. You hid and then scared the crap out of people in the sky. As an incredibly decorated officer for your age, you were called back to Top Gun for a dangerous mission. Despite your best intentions, the people on this mission - specifically one - would do their best to get you out of hiding, getting you out of your comfort zone of the shadows and into a lively world.

WARNING: THIS CHAPTER IS 18+. INVOLVES EXPLICIT/NSFW CONTENT. PLEASE DO NOT READ IF MINOR.

Series Masterlist

Picture from Pinterest

When you woke up the next morning to your phone alarm going off - it didn’t feel like normal.

You were warm, unbelievably warm, and there was a weight on you. It smelled musky - but not like damp musk, like sexy and spicy like Rooster’s cologne.

Like Rooster’s cologne. 

Shit.

“Why is your alarm set so early?” Rooster groaned, in the sexiest gravely tone you could’ve thought of. You were frozen in his arms.

Shit. You need to get out of here.

“I-I run in the mornings. I need to go home” You said, a bit frantic, trying to get out of Rooster’s massive arms. He had your back pulled tightly into his chest, his arms like weights on your hips. You tried to wiggle out of his arms, but then felt his cock hard against your butt, grinding with your movements, causing you to instantly stop and think of a new strategy to escape. 

In your head, you were trying not to panic. Despite the obvious fact that you were freaking out over the fact you had actually slept with Rooster, your whole morning routine was going to be off, and then you’d be off mentally all day, especially when you were going to desperately need the morning routine today to get your thoughts sorted out. Today was definitely not the day to skip your routine.

“You’re too comfortable” Rooster murmured in your ear, his breath hot on your neck, causing you to feel the heat rise in your body.

“I got to go, Rooster” You said.

“No sweetheart, I can be your cardio” He said, bringing his hands to your hips and holding them tightly, bringing your ass flush with his pelvis, as you could feel his large cock pressing against your ass. He nibbled on your ear, causing a burning heat in your core

This needs to be extinguished now. You need to get home, do your yoga and run, and be in a good headspace for today. Get the fuck out of there.

“Bradshaw, I’ll see you later. I need to go” You said, firmly. Reluctantly he sighed, before letting you leave his arms. All but running out the door, you got into yesterday’s clothes, called an uber and went as quickly back to your room.

Luckily, it was still very early, even for the military, so you were able to return to your room and get started on your morning routine without anyone noticing.

Drink coffee. Do 15 minutes of yoga. Go for a run.

You weren’t horribly off schedule, but you’d have to do a bit of a shorter run than normal. Despite not having terrible nightmares for the first time in years last night, you still needed to work out your muscles from last night’s exercise, which also needed the run to sort out your thoughts. 

How did you let your walls fall down and sleep with him? How could you do that? 

You need to be better with your emotions. You can’t actually be with him. 

His cock filled you up so well though… his hands on your waist, his hot breath on your neck…

No, Y/N. You are Ghost. 

Remember how badly you felt years ago? Yea. Nope, not doing that ever again.

Rooster waited in class anxiously waiting for you to arrive. This morning was not how Rooster expected - he had plans to buy you breakfast and maybe if he was lucky, some lazy morning sex. Instead, you all but bolted out of his place before he could even offer to drive you home.

God Y/N is perfect. Her tight pussy, her flushed face and breathy moans…

Rooster reminded himself where he was quickly, holding himself together to not pop a boner in the middle of class. Most of the class was already there, so he sat idly listening to Phoenix and Bob’s conversation, although he wasn’t quite paying attention to them.

“Damn Rooster, are you hungover?” Phoenix asked, as she caught him not paying attention and gazing around, looking to see when you were coming. He snapped back to her, and shook his head.

“No, just tired” He lied, shrugging. Phoenix raised an eyebrow at him, before looking to Bob who was suspicious as well. 

You showed up, however, and although you two locked eyes for a quick second, before you looked away with an emotionless face, sitting down in an empty seat next to Coyote. Rooster was surprised, watching you talk with Coyote.

Phoenix caught his glance, and smirked slightly.

Something definitely happened. 

Before she could say anything, class started with Warlock standing in front of the class instead of Maverick, which didn’t mean good news. Cyclone and Honda sat in the back, watching. 

“The uranium enrichment plant that is your target will be operational earlier than expected. Raw uranium will be delivered to the plant in ten days time. As a result, your mission has been moved up one week in order to avoid contaminating the target valley with radiation” Warlock stated, and your classmates looked around, except you. You kept your gaze on Warlock, because you knew, this was just how things went.

“Sir, besides Ghost, Bob and Phoenix, no one here has successfully flown a low-level course” Coyote stated.

“Nevertheless, you’ve been ordered to move on” Warlock stated, nodding to make sure everyone understood there was no questions. Then, Maverick switched places with Warlock. 

“We have one week left to focus on phase two. It’s the most difficult phase of the mission. It’s a pop-up strike with a steep dive, requiring nothing less than two consecutive miracles. Two pairs of F-18s will fly in a welded wing formation. Teamwork. Precise coordination of these aircraft is essential to both the mission’s success and your survival. As you know, the plant rests between two mountains. ON final approach, you’ll invert directly into a steep dive. This allows you to maintain the lowest possible altitude and the only possible attack angle. Your target is an impact point less than three meters wide. The two-seat aircraft will paint the target with a laser bull’s-eye. The first pair will breach the reactor by dropping a laser-guided bomb on an exposed ventilation hatch. This will create an opening for the second pair. That’s miracle number one” Maverick stated, and you could feel your gut twisting slightly. 

“The second team will deliver the kill shot and destroy the target. That’s miracle number two. If either team misses the target, the mission is a failure. Egress is a steep high-G climb out to avoid hitting this mountain” Maverick said. 

“A steep climb at that speed, you’re pulling at least eight G’s” Hangman stated.

“Nine minimum” Maverick stated, and you could hear a few people gulp.

“The stress limit of the F-18’s airframe is 7.5” Rooster stated.

“That’s the accepted limit. To survive this mission, you’ll pull beyond that, even if it means bending your airframe” Maverick said, and you looked back to Cyclone who was glancing away like he was regretful of this mission. Catching your eye, you could see the regret worsen. You took a deep breath, understanding his unspoken words, and looked back at Maverick.

“You’ll be pulling so hard you’ll weight close to 2,000 pounds. Your skull crushing your spine, your lungs imploding like an elephant’s sitting on your chest, fighting with everything you have just to keep from blacking out. And this is where you’ll be at your most vulnerable. This is Coffin Corner. Assuming you avoid crashing into this mountain, you’ll climb straight up into enemy radar while losing all of your airspeed. Within seconds, you’ll be fired upon by enemy SAM’s. You’ve all faced sustained G’s before, but this - this is going to take you and your aircraft to the breaking point” Maverick said.

“Sir, is this even achievable?’ Phoenix asked, asking the question on the tip of everyone’s tongue. 

“The answer to that question will come down to the pilot in the box” Maverick stated, looking at Rooster with sad eyes. 

You slowly got your things together, while everyone else immediately got up to go practice flying the drill. Waiting a few moments for everyone to file out, you looked over to Cyclone, hoping to catch his eyes. 

“Red Sea again?” You asked him, in a flat neutral tone when Cyclone walked over to you. He looked at you with regret in his eyes and nodded, looking down at the floor for a moment.  

“I’m sorry” He said, in a genuine tone. 

“I signed up for this. We all know that there is risk” You nodded back, when his eyes met yours again, a bit more stiffly, and followed the rest of your fellow pilots. 

Rooster had waited for you, but saw your expressions as you talked with Cyclone. For the first time, Rooster saw Cyclone’s face regretful, and he took a breath, looking away, catching eyes with Maverick. Rooster guessed Maverick also saw the exchange between the two of them, and was a bit curious.

When you got into your plane, you took out an old photo, one that reminded you of your past and what you would need to do to execute this mission. Cracking your neck again, you waited for your turn to fly. 

You were paired with Fanboy and Payback. 

“How’s the target looking?” You asked, flying and getting prepared to bomb away. Nobody yet had bombed the target successfully. 

“The lock isn’t working” Fanboy said, exasperated. 

“Ok then, I’ll just drop blind” You said, flatly, in a tone that told the boys you weren’t upset, the planes don’t always work when we want them to. You did your best with the math in your head and aim for the target, dropping the bomb, and then getting your plane ready for the steep climb.

“Bullseye! Almost perfect center - damn Ghost!” Payback cheered, before they started the climb behind you. 

The pain and weight of the increasing amount of G’s was high.

“Shit, I see Maverick coming for us” Fanboy said, and you just took a deep breath, struggling to just keep remaining uphill.

“Just focus on getting past the mountain, and then we’ll dogfight, alright? We got the bomb done, now let’s get home” You said, and the boys could hear you heave with your breath. Your eyes were fading, as you remembered from past experiences, you took a quick look to the photo on your plane, before pushing to remain awake.

“Fuck” Payback said, as you just made it to the top.

“Follow me, boys, Maverick’s close and we can’t let him get us now” You stated, flying off the straight root to get away from Maverick. The boys didn’t keep up, unfortunately, too dazed from the high G’s and got taken out by Maverick.

When you landed, you took the photo out of the plane, staring at it for a moment before putting it back into your pocket. 

Phoenix, Bob and Coyote were next, and between Coyote’s G-Loc and the birdstrike, you were ready to be done with today, thankful when Maverick released you all early. You didn’t feel like being with anyone, so you took yourself to the beach after a quick pitstop at your room.

It was a place that always calmed and grounded you, allowing you to feel secure. Today, however, was not that day. Everyone’s failed bombing attempts and ability to escape Coffin’s Corner, The G’s, and enemy attacks, left your stomach feeling in knots.

“Hey” You heard in the distance, but not paying attention. You were close enough to where Hard Deck was so you figured it was just some drunk patron.

“Hey Ghost!” 

Shit. There’s going to be no way to get out of this. You’re on an empty beach and he could easily catch up to you if you ran. 

You turned to see Bradley, who was walking quickly over to you. He didn’t seem happy, surprisingly, but it didn’t matter. You had wanted to be alone, so you hoped he got the message when you turned your head to gaze at the ocean, without replying to him. 

Standing next to you, he stared at the ocean as well, making small glances at you. You crossed your arms in front of you, hoping the silent gesture would deter him from staying any longer next to you. 

“You did good up there. Only one to hit the target” Rooster said, breaking the silence. You still didn’t reply, staring out at the waves.

“It’s been a shitty day, but can we talk? About last night? You ran out this morning before we could discuss anything” Rooster said, looking at you directly. You sighed, turning your head to look at him. He looked emotional, before you decided you’d rather stare at the open sea.

“There’s nothing to discuss” You replied, a bit coldly.

“Nothing to discuss? Do you regret last night?” He asked, shocked. You looked down at your hands, unable to look at him or else you knew your self resolve would crumble under those beautiful brown eyes of his. 

“We can’t be anything. We have a mission, and that’s it. We’re coworkers. That’s the most we’re ever going to be. Last night shouldn’t have happened” You stated.

“Yes we can. It’s frowned upon, but it happens all the time. Y/N, look at me” He said, but you ignored him.

“It shouldn’t have happened” You said, stubbornly not looking at him.

“Y/N please look at me” He pleaded softly, and the tone of sadness made you look at him. You instantly regretted it, however, as you saw almost tears in his eyes. 

“Today was a tough day, and this is a tough mission, but that shouldn’t scare you from us being together. I really like you, Y/N. Hell, having you in my arms, I realized I could maybe love you, if you gave us a chance. You - God - you’re fucking perfect, from the way you fly to putting Hangman in his place. You’re beautiful and smart and just absolutely perfect” He said, the vein in his neck becoming a bit visible with some red creeping up his neck. You shook your head, making sure you didn’t cry. It had been an emotional and long day, you could give your feelings a break. 

“It’s not just because this mission is dangerous, and I don’t need to explain to you why. We’re not going to be together. Ever. So just drop it and leave me alone” You said, facing the water again. You heard him sigh, and watched out of the corner of your eye him making a fist. 

“I’m Bradley Bradshaw. You know what everyone teases me about? Not making the moves. Not taking risks. Hangman says I won’t leave the stoop. But you know what? Here I am making a risk for you. For us. Because I believe us is worth every risk” Bradley all but shouted at you. The veins in his neck were popping out and his face was red with emotion. 

“No. Nothing is worth that risk” You stated, shaking your head as you tried to not let the tears fall out. The memories of before flooding your heart.

The pain - the overwhelming, drowning pain of loosing the one you love - that no one had told you would be that difficult to overcome. 

“I’m telling you, as someone who watched his mother lose the love of her life and become a young single mother, it is better to love than not at all. It was hard for her, really tough, but my mother never regretted it. Not a second did she regret loving my father” Bradley said, tears in his eyes now, as he stared at you, angry and in disbelief that you could think this way.  

“I can’t, Rooster. I can’t risk it. I’m sorry” You stated, trying your best not to raise your voice but your actions began mimicking his.

The inability to get up in the morning and realize nothing would be the same ever again. The floods of tears, the shortness of breath, the ache in your throat from the screaming and crying you couldn’t stop. 

“Tell me why. Tell me why you want to risk all that we could be? Tell me why you can’t” He shouted.

“I won’t do it again” 

You shouted back, before you froze, clasping a hand over your mouth. 

Bradley stared at you in shock, his eyes wide, and it took a second before you turned away from him. Wiping the tears from your eyes, you took a big sigh, removing your hand from your mouth and placing it on your chest to calm your heart rate. 

“What do you mean again?” He asked, in a low soft tone. You could feel his body moving closer to yours, and you shook your head.

“I think you should leave, Bradshaw” You stated shakily, turning around to look at him once you felt your heart rate return to normal.

“I’m not going to push you to discuss what happened right now, but I’m not giving up on us either” Bradley said, taking you into your arms and hugging you flush against his chest, trapping you essentially. You took a few breaths, relishing in the comfort of his arms and surrounded by his woodsy cologne.

Should you tell him? Should you tell him why you just couldn’t go into another relationship, especially with someone who has such a dangerous profession?

It took a few moments, but you stepped back and out of his embrace.

“I… Goodnight Bradshaw” You said, watching his face look like one of a kicked puppy, as you used his last name again. He nodded.

“Goodnight Y/N” Rooster said, turning around and walking back to the parking lot. 

You sighed, bringing you arms around yourself as you walked closer to the water. Sitting on the ground, you brought yourself close enough to the water where the water just barely touched your toes. Tears streamed down your face, memories flashing before your eyes as your mind pulled you back to the past. 

taglist:

@studentville-struggles​

@rosiahills22​

@multiplefandommess

@umm-i-love-u​

@callsign_blue

@mak-32​

@nothing2113

@kenobiow​

@beebslebobs​

@oakenshieldlover

@luckyladycreator2​

@fanboyluvr​

[decoloraa]

I've been debating on whether I wanna share this or not for a while now, but here it is! Some scribble scrabbles about how Casther’s bodytype changes over the years + some notes on why they change. Why? Because thinking about different body types is fun and it’s normal that bodies change over the years!!

Freshly at Briggs (21+)

Menace to society (24+)

I have the idea that Casther only ate crap food when he was on his own, which is why he grew slower and was much shorter! (1,76m and later 1,89m) Because of that he’s also quite lean (maybe not as much as in the sketch tho) and his build more for speed and flexibility rather than strength. He has some muscle and isn’t weak, but there’s not much body fat.

Dad era I (26+)

As Casther came to Briggs, he started eating properly and thus grew quite a lot more (men can keep growing until 24, this is a thing). With his life at Briggs, he also gets more exercise and thus builds up more and more strength. Btw he always was able to grow body hair, bit he shared for years. Every god damn day!! Every god damn day!! It has to do with chimera stuff and him still being overly anxious about it. Also yes when I write „slut era“ I mean it. Casther is a huge flirt and probably broke some hearts during that time. During those years he starts getting close to Val and they slowly end up in a situationship. Status: It’s complicated.

After the incident (30)

He stopped shaving!! It’s a really a big step for him and he ends up really liking and embracing his body hair. God for him!! He’s very strong at that time, but has a rather low percentage of body fat. There’s no big reason for it except that he’s quite focused on his appearance. Dude is training to get strong but also to impress other dudes (still brraking hearts at that point). Seriously, Casther can be a big show-off. Thea comes into his care and kinda is one reason why he gave up shaving. Being a dad with a full time job is stressful, there’s no time to shave! During that time Casther and Val still have a situationship that got only weirder since they now both care for Thea. They defined have feeling for each other’s, they’re just not aware how deep they go and they both don’t act on them for various reasons.

Recovery (31)

When Casther loses his arm and isn’t on duty anymore, he quickly loses his definition and strength. His mental health never wasn't the best, after all he went through a lot if traumatic events that left deep scars. Up until that point, he always pushed things down and acted as if he was ok. But he always struggled. With his arm gone things change a lot and a lot of his mental struggles come back up. In the end, he falls into a heavy depressive episode. He doesn’t know how to deal with any of his problems and in the end him and Val grow apart immensely. It’s all very messy, but it all has a reason.

1) Casther doesn’t get an automail and magically gets better! -> Him losing his arm was the catalyst of falling into this severe depression, but it’s not the only reason! He gets his automail only after he gets better mentally. Even IF he had gotten the automail earlier, he would’ve been horrible! I need to make this clear because I think it would be very problematic if this would be linked so closely.

Val comes back to Briggs. With Val’s and the other’s help, Casther is able to recover mentally. The journey is long and hard, but he gets to a better place eventually. His goal is to regain some of the strength he once had, so he works out to feel better and to support his mental health. Things with Val are complicated, I'd love to show some snippets so that's all the info you get for now.

Captain (32+)

After putting a lot of effort into his mental health, he's able to recover quite a lot! He still struggles of course, but he's at a much better place and knows how do properly deal with things. Also he finally gets his automail and is able to go back into duty after an absence of two years. Even tho he came a long way, he still struggles from time to time and isn't at 100% for a period of time. But eventually he comes out of all this much more stronger.

Also: This is the time period where Casther and Val ACTUALLY get together. A full on relationship where they talk openly about their feelings, please be proud of them. (Side note: If I draw them cuddling or smooching, look out for Casther's automail. If it's not there, they’re still idiots who have attachment issues. If there is an automail, look away or else you'll disturb the boyfriends!!)

Because this is a sensitive topic and I'd hate someone to misunderstand it, I'd like to make things clear:

Captain (31+)

2)

A quick extra note because I'd really hate if ppl misunderstand it: Casther doesn't get depressed because he lost his arm. Yes, there is a hit of internalized ableism going on, but it's not the cause. It's the whole event that throws him into the demons he always carried with him. Therefore, Casther doesn't get magically better once he gets an automail. If he had gotten the automail right after the accident, he still would've been miserable.

Thanks for reading!

There are many factors why he falls into such a deep hole (and Val leaving for a couple of months sadly is one of them). He works through them bit by bit and THEN gets an automail. But his disability is not the reason for his struggles and "curing" his disability with the automail doesn't solve all of his problems. I've seen things like this with other characters and I'd hate if ppl would think this is the case here as well.

Also: This is no “he lost weight and feels so much better :)” story because I fckng HATE that. Casther loses weight eventually, but only bit by bit and also UNINTENTIONALLY. His focus was to get fit again, so he can fight again. Plus working out just is a thing he enjoys. Does he feel uncomfortable because he gained weight? Yes. But he learns to embrace it.

I never shared art of plus size Casther before because I simply wasn't happy with the way I drew the body fat. But I've practiced a lot and drawing Casther with a dad bod is very therapeutic for me ;w;<3 so maybe I'll share dad bod Casther more from time to time because he's very dear to me

[f0point5]

Boob tapes are a hellsend honestly 😭 I bought one roll thinking I'd try it at home before using in public and girl. Worst experience of my life. Like imagine taking off very strong tape off your sensitive boobs. I used nipple covers but my god it was still so painful.

And it was still so visible? I almost used over half of the 5 m tape for just one wear, I had to make a whole ass cup out of it otherwise my boobs just spilled out in any direction not covered. But this also made the tape lines very visible and honestly also made my boobs weird shaped. You would not catch me in public with boob tape. This is once again something for the small boobie girlies but they don't even need it 😭

(could just be that I was shit at putting it on, but let's be real the feeling and the tape lines and all are still an issue)

I've been thinking about a breast reduction for ages, but I'm sacred of the procedure itself and how I'd look disproportionate afterwards, I'm not exactly overweight but I would need to loose some to make smaller boobs work and I ain't exercising either lol

Oh. Oh damn. Yeah maybe I’m gonna stay away from the tape lol. They never make it look like you need a lot but realistically you must because boobs are heavy.

Maybe you were crap at using it but honestly if you have to be a pro it’s not even worth it. I’m not going to spend an hour getting my boobs to not look like custard escaping a cracked bowl just to wear a strapless dress it’s not actually that deep. That’s honestly a gripe I have with so many beauty products. If it’s not absolutely idiot proof I will not buy it because I’m not going to become a hair/make up/boob tape artist I’m sorry I’m already pretty good looking I don’t need to try *that* hard.

I almost had a breast reduction when I was younger. Went for consultations but didn’t end up going through with it because I wasn’t happy with my body generally and I was cautioned that weight fluctuations will pretty much nullify the results because it’s not like there’s implants in there. And it was a smart decision because I have gone through a pretty dramatic transformation since and honestly it wouldn’t have been worth it. However, the surgeon I saw was very good (from pics of his previous work) at getting them to look proportional to your body, so I think it’s more about where you go.

When I had wanted the reduction, I legit thought I wanted b cups lol I was like I am so sick of having boobs I want to be flat chested 😂 but looking back that honestly would have made me shaped like an apple so glad I grew out of my discomfort with them. I’m not sure I’d give them up to be able to go braless because I do like having an hourglass shape (even if it’s a boxy hourglass thank you protruding hip bones 😭) but I would love to be like a C cup so at least they’d stay up in a strapless bra 😂

Also 🤝🤝🤝🤝 on the not exercising. Idc if I have to stay hungry I’m not gonna run.

[peggy-sue-reads-a-book]

Paper Cranes

TW: homophobia, bullying, church abuse, swearing, assault, ED, SH, compulsive exercising, Republicans, purity culture, evangelical crap, but most of all middle school. If I’ve failed to include anything, just let me know. Fr I wrote it for me and posted it for those who might find my experience affirming. I’m all good if you need to scroll right on past a trauma post.

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The first time I ever watched homophobic bullying was in my pastor’s office. All the teens were waiting around a table for our youth pastor. There was one gay boy, a close friend of mine in a relatively small group. From the first week his family joined our church, an older girl in youth group announced to the rest of us that she couldn’t stand him because “he’s too happy and sings too much.” It was true. The new boy was the most cheerful, outgoing person I’d ever met. And he loves to sing.

The same girl gave a similar PSA behind my back when I was new. “We shouldn’t play with her because she’s weird and wears dress up clothes.” I was six. And it was true, I did wear a princess costume every day. Eventually I traded in my tutus for some looks that better reflected internalized misogyny and everyone figured out I’m funny as all shit and can get along with most anyone. I graduated from the bottom of the food chain.

So I shrugged off her hot take on my new friend. I don’t think she liked that her plans to cancel the new guy flopped. Because as we were waiting around that table she jumped up and grabbed his earlobe between her finger nails. She was super proud of her nails. They were long and scraggly like a cat and she was into filing them in public in case anyone felt too safe.

She dug her nails in on either side and no one said anything. You don’t stand up for a boy to a girl. I can’t remember if he tried to swat her off or just took it. It was only a minute but it was a damn long one. Blood started to bead around her nails. Then the door opened and she sat back down. Sunday school started.

Nothing I believed, no books, no paper, no concept of abomination could override what I’d just seen, the revulsion deep in my gut. It was more than rage. More than disgust. I still have no word for it. I was too young and the feelings that well up are still those of a thirteen year old.

It doesn’t matter what you call it. Anger like that is like walking around dead and suddenly finding your pulse because it’s roaring in your ears like a jackhammer.

I prayed to be like everyone else. To care about the same social issues in the same way. The only way I could make sense of my loneliness was that I was cursed in some way. If God loved me, he would make me content with the same values as my peers. But I had just seen someone harm someone else and not a single one of these fine, upstanding kids I’m supposed to make friends with say a damn thing.

A few years later, there was some kinda touchy-feeling Jesus shindig where everyone got real sugared up at night and had a big sing along with some college kids who were supposedly qualified to talk about the deep shit with us. If I mentioned their university you’d recognize it. Hint: assault cover ups

One guy, nineteen or so, must have gotten particularly inspired in the spirit because he starts preaching off-the-cuff about the sins of anorexia, binging, purging, and cutting. I inched backward. I tried hiding behind a football player; I was about half his width after all.

Peggy, what’s up with the bandaids?

I guess I tripped over a wall.

Hey I have a joke. How many Peggies can you fit in the shower? No one knows because—-

— I keep slipping down the drain. Heard that one.

Eat a fucking sandwich, you skinny cunt

The best part of the speech is it was addressed to us about the bad, vague other kids who barfed and otherwise screwed around. Those poor fuck-ups, insulting God’s creation by choosing to defile their bodies.

I couldn’t wait to get home and go for it, but felt a whole lot more like a compulsion than a choice.

I’ve heard this sermon twice, by the way. The second time, the pastor held up a paper crane and asked us to admire its delicacy and the skill it took to make it before shredding it up. Guess he worked hard on that metaphor.

That was me. A paper crane. Pure white, crafted precisely, folded up small. You could pinch my wings between your fingernails and pull them off. I wouldn’t bleed and you could vacuum me up. That was my power. The control in the fine lines and tight folds.

Anyway here I am squirming on my butt and waiting for my chance to burn off my two bites of pizza and Oreos. I’m pretty sure I’d made everyone laugh by scooting the cookies into my mouth from my forehead with no hands. See, everyone, I eat. Yeah, I was gonna have to get in some crunches tonight.

I wondered if I could chug enough lemon water to get diarrhea without being noticed, when somehow, we were looking at each other. The boy’s eyes were bright blue. Ice blue, like in cheesy books. Gay.

Skinny.

Leviticus. The apostle Paul.

Cutter.

It’s a powerful feeling, that two seconds of eye-contact that lets you know you aren’t crazy. That you aren’t the only one in the room who is angry. It is taking a hand to find it as wounded as yours.

Whatever is divine in this world, whatever is true and special and outside of ourselves, it is in the rage you can’t shake. If a voice is telling you that no one deserves to be treated this way, that you inherently do not deserve this, and you say shut up and shut up and shut up and it won’t

Shut up, shut up,

and your only answer is this is bullshit. You should get up and leave

Shut up

I said you are free to walk out,

I can’t,

well then I say you can. I say Truth never left you and you’re not dead.

disclaimer: I did not write this to shit on Christians (I am a Christian) or any tradition in general but the corruption that exists in specific systems

other disclaimer: the other kids in this story were literally also just kids, even the mean ones. I’m pretty sure all of them have grown into sensible adults I’d hang out with. I did not write this to shit on them either.

[daburuwosagase]

Guess I'll do a year review for the heck of it.

2022 sucked badly for me and for many loved ones (you know who you are). It's been very trying from start to finish. A lot of my coping mechanisms just did not work. There is no silver lining in losing family and friends. There were so many awful circumstances popping up without rest that left me feeling powerless. Dates are arbitrary, but I have been looking forward to the end of the year since March.

In the coming year, I want to get off the internet and go outside, get a job in the field I'm actually trained for, focus on one-on-one relationships, whatever else will make me feel like I'm progressing with my life. I've been very thankful to have physical stability all this year and last. But it's time to get back up.

Recounting all the awful stuff would just be a downer, so I'll list off the positives:

Graduated after six years! Got oodles of qualifications! Sure would be nice if an employer took notice! I worked my butt off to actually get good grades in the last semester and boost my GPA over that 3.5 threshold. I think I'd have been really frustrated if I had ended up at 3.49. So I'm proud of myself for pouring effort into my own future for once.

(Technically) finished up the biggest translation project I've ever done. I'm not taking on that much unpaid solo work ever again. But wow, I think I deserve street cred forever for that one.

Got foot surgery after four years! Now that I'm *literally* back on my feet, it's...

...actually, I'm gonna derail this post and talk candidly about that. I just did my exercises for the night and my legs are feeling great. I bounced up the stairs with a spring in my step earlier today, and moderately quickly at that. I've been able to go on walks around the neighborhood and still have strength after getting back home. I can just STAND. Back in the summer, I couldn't even stand around normally without some pain.

I'm frustrated with myself for not getting help earlier, for always thinking "yeah it was pretty bad last week but it's feeling better, so no need to call the doctor, right?", for taking so long to progress to surgery even when I finally DID see a doctor. It shouldn't have taken four goddamn years when, according to what I'm reading, surgery can be considered after six months for what I had.

If you're reading this right now and you experience chronic pain: please schedule an appointment. Don't wait for the next flareup.

Anyway, it got so bad that I just couldn't walk. The pain wasn't like constantly walking on spikes — it only felt like that for brief moments here and there, as if that's much better. But it WAS constant, and eventually would hurt even when sitting down. And I was wondering if I was going to be stuck in pain for the rest of my life, not able to go anywhere, not able to do anything about it. And I *did* give up on going outside and standing in the kitchen long enough to make a meal.

When the doctor explained surgery as an option to me, it sounded too good to be true. Nothing else had worked, yet this method was supposed to be a total cure? She made it sound pretty damn perfect though. So I scheduled a date, put my life on hold for two months, and actually started to feel hopeful. Only a month left of grinning and bearing it, only a few weeks, a few days...

...and like I thought, something just HAD to go wrong. Just like every other thing this year. One stupid false positive test and eeeverything got rescheduled, and the month-long timer got reset, and I was heartbroken. It hurt so much and I was so scared that it'd happen again.

But as you know, I *did* get the surgery. I was insanely anxious in those last three days beforehand, but by god, afterward, there was NO pain in the places where it'd been constant before. Sure, I could only crawl for two weeks, and I'm still relearning how to walk properly, but holy crap! I can move around! I can stand around aimlessly and it doesn't hurt! I could probably run, though I haven't tried! I managed to walk around for two hours on uneven ground last month and see the sights of a nearby national park, and it was beautiful and unbelievably peaceful and it's a memory I'll treasure for life. We're planning to revisit the same place next month, and while I know it won't be the same as that perfect first time, I'm still so excited for it. I can plan in advance again! I have things to look forward to again! All of this seemed impossible a few months ago!

I'm still holding my breath a little because this year has just burned me over and over again. But the groundwork has been laid for things to get better.

[sweetswesf]

Check In

What I Did

An algo

Checked in on my unemployment benefits that have not come in yet and realized I didn't submit everything I needed to :/ I hope I don't miss out on that money...gotta pay more attention

Spent TOOO much time on YouTube & Twitter

Cleaned

Reviewed a resume writing resource that helped me revamp my resume

Updated my resume

Updated my LinkedIn

Responded to a company with my updated resume

Took a nap & woke up after thinking about my old team and how they were working while I was napping, guilted myself about it

Started my data transfer

Cleared up my inboxes

What I Learned

How to find if an array is a subsequence of another array

A New Orleans comedian I like passed away a few days ago :'(...RIP Boogie B...I found out by doing my daily watch of his videos and seeing a few people commenting RIP under them...I thought it was a joke...but it wasn't...I have been in love with New Orleans since visiting and was looking forward to visiting the spots he recommended and maybe even buying a home there...but not anymore...I don't want this to scare me into not living the life I want to live, but it seems hard to avoid while living there...that's the main thing I kept hearing while I was down there and almost anytime any Black person from there describes it: the gun violence is out of control...he lost his life by Black people...and he wasn't the intended target...all them white people in New Orleans, NY, LA, etc. and they all seem to not get shot...I'm so tired of Black men killing Black people...it's racism's continued manifestation...when will it end?...Black men are even trying to exterminate themselves by whitening their children...it's so sad and truly weighs on me and stresses me out daily...

Feeling

Had a bit of quick headaches here and there...a little sore on my head when I touch the spot that I hit my head yesterday...may take this whole week off of exercising and ease back into it next week

I don’t have the same urge for gym bae as I did…nor for my first…nor for my first love…recognizing my worth…

Proud of myself for actually getting a lot done...I was pretty down because I was pretty distracted today and I want the life that I want to be here now, but I have to work for these next few months consistently to get there...and live in the moment and not worry about the future and just push myself to keep doing a little or more every day

Takeaways

I gotta stop digging in my damn ears with my sharp ass nails!

I am nail biting an bit less and actually have some nails on my hand

I need to spend less time on the socials...maybe I can try to, when I need a break, actually laying down, without hopping on YouTube

I'm getting older, because I can't listen to a LOT of the rap music I used to...I listen to some lyrics today, like, "Wow, I was really feeding myself this crap and paying for these artists that have contributed to lowering my and Black peoples' social standing for a while!...."

How I Got Myself Out of a Rut

Encouraged myself to keep going

Goals Completed

Found a therapist

Stopped listening to people worried about their own circumstances and remembering God works on his own time and that I am in no rush...

Got back on the ball

Being kinder to myself and stopping guilting myself if my energy isn't always on 100%

Goals After Today

Strengthen my relationship with God

Understand the main concepts I need to from Interview Cake, AlgoExpert, etc. in 6 months, NOT less than 3

Drop my body fat percentage to Marion Jones, Michaela Cole, or Jade Cargill levels

Consistently fight urge to fill up my time with social media/YouTube

Fully forgive my family & build a great relationship with them

Be more confident & faithful

250 steps/hour & 10k steps/daily consistently

Drink more than 64oz a day consistently

Go on a date with a guy I actually like who actually likes me too

Learn more about my gym crush & get him to ask for my number

Get a house similar to that one in Spain

Update my personal app

[fursasaida]

I feel like a big meanie snob but

god it amazes me that apparently hundreds of people with POTS cannot even google really basic things like "why does a big meal make me feel like crap" or reason through "why does raising my arms for a while make my heart go boing boing"/"is it ok to take two salt tabs at a time." let alone something like "maybe even though blood tests say my electrolyte levels are fine, the fact that I'm consuming unholy amounts of salt means I need extra" or "why does recumbent exercise help" - they don't even get as far as the concept of recumbent exercise.

I tell myself all the following -

I have had an incredible education all my life

I have the privilege of being able to take time off and therefore of having time to look into things and figure things out

I grew up in the age when google actually worked and I know how to use it well

I know how to do research and read research papers, even if in an unfamiliar discipline/vocabulary

Some people just prefer to ask another person and get info through dialogue rather than reading

I read faster and more easily than average even in my current compromised state

I have an unusually analytical mind, there is no way I could stick to a regimen by rote without understanding how it works and why because I simply wouldn't remember it, for most (?) people it goes the opposite way

everyone who has managed to get medical care at all is being horrifically failed by doctors who don't explain anything even if they'll diagnose, and so it's not shocking they wouldn't ask their doctors questions they should really be asking their doctors

but god it makes me insane how are all these people living like this

[ts-journal]

I feel like I wasn't supposed to make it past childhood. I'm going on 19 and yet I'm still totally dependent on my mom. I can't drive and haven't dated or even held hands less kissed someone. But more importantly I feel infantile. I can't do anything, not basic human things (brush teeth, shower, normal sleep cycle, exercise, eat right, go to the bathroom, get dressed etc) recently the person I've talked to the most is a stranger on the internet (don't worry it's nothing personal it's about fanfiction). I have no friends. I'm in cyber school so I'm alone at home all day long. I am tired all the time. When I go out it's for doctor appointments (which I can't even do those by myself) the doctors think I act younger than I am. I'm almost 19 I'm not supposed to be acting like a child. I should be doing school, having fun, going out, planning for COLLEGE.

I have ocd anxiety and depression (all sharp objects have been confiscated months ago) I'm on tons of pills and there's nothing I can do.

I can't not compare myself to normal people. I can't take a walk because I don't have the effort and have never walked the streets alone (I was sheltered all my life) I can't do anything good or productive because I don't have the energy. I can't take care of myself because I again don't have the energy effort motivation.

And I can't even do anything self destructive because of my morals and because I'm a Christian who has scrupulosity ocd so I feel triple the guilt.

I can't even pay attention to tv or books and then you just have to sit there with your eyes open.

I try to talk to my mom about this, the odd friend that i never see that claims she'll always be there for me....none of them seem to get it

I'm so tired of being different. I don't understand why I'm like this.

Gosh that’s rough. I’m going to do my best to offer some advice but don’t hold me to it as I’m not a professional.

You say you don’t have the motivation. In my experience motivation doesn’t exist. Not in the way people say it does. It comes when you do something that makes you feel good. Do something productive. Clean your room, take care of yourself.

I can’t stress this enough: Take. Care. Of. Yourself.

If you live like crap you’re gonna feel like crap and that’s just not helpful for yourself. You can’t progress that way. You have a huge “I can’t” mentality. Try “what if I try” that always helps turn things around.

Pray, read your Bible, have a relationship with God. I find I’m at my worst mentally and physically when my relationship with God isn’t striving. Read the book of Psalms, I find that to be positive which brings me to the next part.

Find positivity in your life. I hate to break it to you, and you probably hear this a lot…but you’re the boss of your mental health. Like I said, you got crap in your life and you’re gonna feel like your life is crap. You can’t get past that without positivity in your life. Look up human strengths (a psychology proven way of adding positivity to your life).

Human strengths is actually a huge part of positive psychology, a branch of psychology I encourage you to read up on just to help you add some more positivity to your life.

I hope this was found to be helpful to you, and if not I hope you see I care about what you’re going through. Try this! I promise you won’t regret it. Reading your vent, I can see that you need to take a grip on the resources you have and take over your life. Everything else will fall into place.

I can talk at you, I can encourage you, but none of that is going to do squat if you don’t use it. There’s the best I can do for you! Remember, I’m no professional. I only know what I’ve learned.

[castle-dominion]

castle 6x19 the greater good

the gates sister episode liveblog (the gateser good)

wow yucky table wow bloody man wow girl taking a pic!

That's actually a cool idea

RC: C’mon! How much fun would that be? (her jaw drops) And talk about an appropriate, if not slightly on the nose, metaphor. A bride and groom together, side by side, as they go through the ups and downs, the twists and turns, and the loopty-loops of life? KB: Castle, I love you. But I will not marry you on a ride or up in space or on a slide. RC: I bet Dr. Seuss got married somewhere fun. (DID he get married in his wife's livingroom?"

Oh no the wedding list episode. My parents got married in the slavic hall of our town, I think it was abt 50 people? 500? No it was 50. Yeah. I kind of wish I could have been there bc it was a lot of fun but I was years away from being born. Well ig I can see my step-mom's wedding. haha. divorced parents.

RC: That way we can determine exactly how big a rollercoaster car we need to build.

Lol "& I will get the phone"

Hey it's one of the other detectives!

RC: I’m being serious. Getting married is an intimate act and our ceremony should reflect that intimacy. (pause) And that way we can all fit in one car. Ryan, how do you feel about rollercoasters? KR: *walks over and screws up his face.* Ooh, make me nauseous. Why? At least we know ryan's getting invited. & some ryan trivia for ya, rollercoasters make him nauseous. That's also just a thing that happens as you become an adult tho.

Gee ess wed or gunshotwound are both much faster than gee ess doubellyuw. I vote we switch w to being pronounced dubbellyeuw to being pronounced wed.

lol cash taped to his chest *ryan considers it* Maybe he doesn't have a landline & she didn't want to use her cell. anonymity. She is after all a woman just like the one who took the pic of him. The pic makes me think proof; contract killer

it is a crappy photo tbh Ah venezuela my beloved. Maria: He was a scholarship kid, so everything that he got was through hard work. Except for the scholarship money. (Well still, getting a scholarship IS hard work)

KB: This place is either the engine of capitalism or the poster child of greed and corruption Me: Uh yeah that's kind of how it works. Of course we are not talking about meritocracy here. There is no "or" there. Beckett: depending on the paper you read Me: oh

The invisible hand of hte market lmao

KB: Wait, he owns his own island? We should definitely invite him to the wedding. you're already married to a man who owns land on the moon.

Jamie Burman: Killing. Are you capable of it? Because if you are, I will make you rich. Open hunting season! Holy crap I hate these people

Yeah man... sure would get results... Ooh wait beckett's jacket is nice! (Also nice shirt) to the 65th floor from which floor? I mean that would be good exercise but... are you starting one or two floors down? (or up) or are you starting 5 or 10 flights away?

Yay big. Love it. Yeah man! You keep walking you don't think a thing! Dear god the amphetamines you put on this earth for people torun 40 clicks an hour are being used to look at spreadsheets faster. (but yeah I have definitely moved around my medications to get through the work day before.)

On the PALM of his hand? that is not 5-4 days that is 4-5 hours!

my man was wired up!? Is the rest of the cops in on nthis? Oh Lord! She says! I love gates sm! Oh yeah gates is married she probs changed her name. (unless the audio commentary was right & she IS married to a woman. Then who knows) My sister!

Title card!

Love it, the sister rivalry. hatred. family. ELIZABETH WESTON sry capslock. Has the same "look" gates gave to castle

Ah it was recording not streaming! Oh yeah capitalist like that? Yeah man EW: We’ve been trying to mount a case against him for years. Insider trading, securities fraud. We know he’s doing it, we just haven’t been able to get proof.

EW: Victoria, this investigation is ongoing and exposing it to Mr. Burman or anyone at J.P Harding would break federal statutes. But I thought that this something that you and your team needed to know. VG: I’d certainly say so. Yeah y'all r right... Only significant. Which sis is older? Gates right? VG: Oh, well, now you do. *coldly* LOVE IT LOVE IT.

RC: A subtle chill? More like a polar vortex. I’m guessing something happened between them in the past. Something deeply personal that Gates does not want us to know about. RC: I’ll give you a dollar if you ask her. only a dollar? & can't she get you to uy her a coffee anyway?

Wow outfits!

"had words" is such a way of saying things. RC: How is it not relevant? The video shows you leaving together. Two hours later he’s dead. JB: It’s not relevant because I didn’t kill him. Yeah man! You might say "I have to disclose to you information that would cause me to become a suspect, however I would rather you hear it from me instead of finding it out yourselves. I had a discussion with him. We were at odds. I did not kill him." Or not because never tell the cops anything.

Worked up for a business deal? didn't you see him earlier yelling at his money individuals to make another company bleed? he has a usual table at le cirque

Hire someone sure but hiring killers is expensive, even for a rich guy like him. HOLD ON I JUST REMEMBERED TWO EPISODES AGO. SARA MASKI OR ENOLA MARKOV OR W/E HER NAME WAS-- SHE WAS A CONTRACT KILLER FOR BRACKEN/SIMMONS/LOKSAT & SHE USUALLY USED A KNIFE TO KILL. DICK COONAN ALSO FAVOURED HIS KNIVES & KILLED FOR BRACKEN/SIMMONS/LOKSAT!

RC: Speaking of your sister-- VG: let's not.

Hm, becks' desk buddy has stuff on it. Hector Nunez doesn't have a ~ over the second n tho... they saw him buy a package from this guy & at some point they also caught him with cocaine on him & they said you do what you have to do to get thru the work day

Are you sure? He was a devil he'd never get mixed up with even if you loved him as a kid?

Ooh love the music! bring esposito he speaks spanish. Hey which countries speak portugese (& I know a few speak french) as their colonial language? I mean in the americas. well besides quebec which by a linguistic standard is latin america. I do know that a lot of ppl still speak their native languages which is awesome (up here in canada even us natives barely speak any most of the time, & some places esp the caribbean have lost their languages almost entirely. only a few words that have been adopted into local dialects or other languages. rly sad.)

Clipping hairy Ah dancing my beloved I learned how to play pool the other day. My little brother is SO good at math & has such long arms that we were ahead most of hte time & even on a team with me (I SUCK) we lost by literally one ball to my older bro (who plays a lot of online pool) & my uncle's gf (who doesn't play much but knows how).

Whatever it is: I didn't do it. My man looks genuinely torn up abt this. HN: Who did this? RC: Well we were thinking you. HN: RC: ...might be able to tell us.

Maria said hector nunez tried to get peter in the gang, but hector said he didn't let the gang take peter.

Oh yeah this is all about money. Suisse federal smth. Yeah ofc. HN: I wrote it down in case something went wrong. Smart man! lol becks is taking a pic of som1's phone!?

Gates looks so nice. It was very need-to-know in the first place bros. oOH ESPOSITO OUTFIT! RC: seems kind of passwordy to me! RC: Hacker voice, "We're in!" Castle you've done it again! JE: :| Won't clip

wow $25m is a lot. JE: some expensive sand

Another way? Going to talk to your sis. Oof. Love how they have similar enough looking gals to be sisters. We know she's Black, but she's like,, north african black not sub saharan. She has those awesome cheekbones. Ooh AG! that's what beckett worked under! Oh greater good episode title. Hey isn't the point of not playing the game.. gates' entire thing? Isn't that why she went into internal affairs? Ah letter vs spirit. Another one? This has happened before?

(was she EVER going to be on the list?)

Why would you sit there with the headphones only half on? Do they.. hurt your head? KR: (sighs) I feel bad for Gates. My sisters can never work together. I tell you, when the two of them went at it, oof. (I thought he had 3 sisters... unless he was talking about victoria & elizabeth.) JE: I wouldn’t mind going at it with Gates’s sister. BRO. (reminds me of the audio commentary JE/JH: "I'll win her over. I keep winking at her & blowing her kisses.") & ryan also only puts the headphones half on! (at least they are headphones, not playing this out for the whole world.)

Let me hear the spanish. I am hard of hearing Let Me Read The Spanish! I always love it when russian or spanish or apparently mandarin show up & the characters can speak it. We should have gotten more of alexis speaking french tho. Also I loooove esposito's tie (& his tie & outfit mix) & ryan too rly pretty <3.

over 100! OVER 400! world famous ISH but you don't need to invite your international fans castle! & there is bound to be some crossover. I REMEMBER THE FACT THAT AUNT THERESA POSTED CRAP ABT HIM ON FACEBOOK I LOVE HOW THEY BROUGHT IT BACK Martha my beloved. To clip or not to clip? That's why I have a baby brother (or sometimes big brother) beside me to keep me in line. Alas neither is here. Well I decided to clip apparently.

pic of her & her sis in the desk. how RECENT was their falling-out? (also they are way more Black in that photo than they are as adults wow)

ONLY THREE? Martha u know this is HIS wedding not yours... Btw has castle ever had any step-dads or really good mom's boyfriends? like uncle chet who was uncle to both alexis & rick bc he is not quite family but he is also married in so he is family in law... Nearly 600...

KR: (he thinks) I have a lot of relatives that hate me now. (clipping this lmao) & grabbing a pic of some outfits.

Of COURSE I've heard of armando garcia! I love this consolate guy Mexico city?

Is it really that easy to change your identity? No way. He also totally would have been found.

Find the truth. Are internet cafes real?

Ooh also really nice slightly purple colour & green shirt I like castle's look. & you can see ryan's phone in his pocket /pos Ew watching ppl's dealing in internet cafes? gross.

Why would she blame you? you're just doing your job. Like when becks was in the ag's office & everyonne was mad.

Gates backstory moments: He skimmed a few eight balls off the very boss Elizabeth was building her case around. When my office caught him reselling it, she came to me. Begged me not to file charges. Asked me to think of the greater good. (she pauses) I did my job that day, too. IT HAS BEEN THAT LONG?

you're not telling her that he compromised her case, you're saving her from him having sabotaged your case!

Jamie Burman stole it bc he knew where it was now? Stephanie goldmark, did you really just... leave your computer like that? & did the rest of you have permission to search her computer? unless it is a work computer in which case you can do anything you want ig. HOLD ON THE CAPTIONS CALL IT BERMAN THE TRANSCRIPT SAYS BURMAN IDK WHAT IS GOING ON.

Does he not know abt the investigation or is he faking?

*deletes you forever!!!!* *you still exist as metadata*

Peter/armando: I came to the US believing in the American dream, so I worked hard and tried to be honest in a corrupt government, plants drugs on me, threatens to destroy my future, all because you need someone to testify? How am I supposed to still believe? I did everything I could to play by the rules, but no one else does. So by the time you hear this, I’ll be gone. Remember that one cop who was doing a demonstration at a school on, well basically how to plant drugs on someone? & then he had two kids volunteer to do a demo & the kids pretended one was in labour? Yeah I'm just thinking about them.

Oh no she's going to blame herself for goldie doing that

following our captain's lead! Beckett & Gates are the best. I love them. I love their relationship.

Weston: but at least I won’t embarrass myself in court presenting evidence that is untrue.

THEY LOVE EACH OTHER AGAIN!

KB: I think we have to decide why we’re actually having this wedding. I mean, are we doing this not to insult hundreds of people or are we doing this for us? some of those people would go only bc they don't want to offend you. You should get a wedding photoshoot done now, send a photo & a non-invitation saying "sorry we missed you. We don't have the space for everyone we want to invite, but we still wanted you to have some wedding pics. luv u bye." "We're getting married! *both of them dressed up in wedding gear blowing a kiss to the reader*." On the inside it says, "We're getting married in (season). If you would like photos, please let us know." & then don't invite them. Idk. Idk! screw this, the only reason he's inviting half those ppl is so they don't feel left out that he's inviting their mutual friends.

just "you" no name? Not "me & you" why did one write on the left & the other on the right? Weird. Also totally expected rick to write alexis & stop there. HEY I REMEMBER MADDIE! you don't need to invite gates' family. Just her & a plus-one. & that is just one, not her sister & kids!

I would invite: my parents, my bros, my step-mom (but none of her kids unless the one son wants to come which he probably wouldn't bc it's loud & boring & he's autistic so like.. noise), two friends from culinary school, maybe a third, possibly a fourth but then I'd get into the "If I invite them I have to invite them" trap so only those two, my crew from jr high (& the parents of only one), a family friends 1, family friends 2, no other family friends bc I'm not close w them, & then I started writing it down. My grandparents & aunt & uncles. No family past that, partially bc they live not-close, or at least that's my excuse. & then my 3 martial arts instructors & that's it. Not my older bro's friends I like, nobody from work, none of my second cousins or mom's cousins or dad's cousins, even tho I'd love to invite a lot of them. Probably not that new friend I made. Nobody online. I could get more martial arts friends, my violin teachers, & my old educational assistants- actually yeah I'd invite the person I used to consider my best friend+ until it moved away for college, but tbh probably not our other friend or anyone from the pride club any year, not my hot/cold friend, you know what? I definitely WOULD invite my ed assistants. Not the most recent ta tho, none of my other fave teachers. This stuff is easy. I'm sure after I post this I'd remember so many ppl I need to invite or could invite but wouldn't if I was keeping the list small. Like mu bus friends. All the ppl I included in my "note" a few years back. Actually yeah no yeah that was a very similar experience. I didn't have a lot to say to a lot of people, but I wanted to get everybody sometimes I gave ppl their own pages bc I included a specific person from the group they were in & didn't want to exclude them. I wouldn't invite my childhood best friend. (tho I did invite my jr high crew). None of my international friends-- actually yk what I WOULD invite them. Let them take a vacation here at the same time! Well no I wouldn't. but still. Not my inuit/dutch high school friend. Anyone I had a sleepover with? Not that friend, she was a little bit physically abusive, not those family friends but I like them for sure, not the childhood one, already the middleschool ones, nobody from Camp... Yeah. (just finished the below paragraph) I remembered some more family friends... & forgot them. ig they weren't important enough to invite. choire? no. Moved south? no. mum's friends? no. Crud I can't remember.

edit: I forgot my best friend from late jr high

Moving on, that's the end of the ep. They are just going to re-up their lists. You know what they should do? Whitelist each other's lists. say "yes these people, the rest can be cut" w/o saying "no these people, & we still have to cut more"

fudge I shouldn't have done that, now I feel like writing down every person I have ever fricking met & labelling them yes or no. Oh. I'm so frustrated because I'm not on my meds. but i'm too fucked up to get up & take em. I'm fucking stuck & I don't want to get up until I remember the thing. Adhd based issue here but I need my mood stabilizers. fuck & the typing of my bro is so loud & annoying & hell even I'm struggling to type rn.

just let me end the post idk how to end the post in a way that sounds complete & good to post.

Yes.

that was me being messed up.

amen.

yes that was castle episode. amen. all good.

love you bye.

edit: I realize why I was so messed up. I was late taking my meds & starting my period. Speaking of which, I need to take my testosterone shot today

[chinahatbeach]

Thoughts for Today

Aloha Friday! Good morning to you. I am happy for Friday to be here. I have a couple plans for the weekend and taking time to enjoy life. I will still do the chores I must do but I’m not doing any extra’s. I need to enjoy doing things I want to do and not waiting for ‘some day’.

I had answers come to me yesterday. Answers to many questions that have sat in my brain and wanted to be exposed. You know…… those things that make you go hmmm and you wonder and you pick apart. The answers are there but we put too much thinking into things. Yup, I’m one of those folks who thinks too much. The answers are there if we only shut down our brain and let go, let God, and be simple in our complex thinking.

As many of you know, I have been clearing out any or all of the excess in my house. It’s been such a good feeling having less. Less mess, less stuff taking up room. Mind you, I still have plenty of stuff. But then there is me. I have stuff in me that needs to let go, be gone. I need a new mindset, new heart, and I need to travel down the road of clearing out the old ways and installing the new.

What the heck am I talking about? Here it is……. I no longer want to just believe the Word of God but I want to live it more. More of Jesus and less of this world. Yes, I will continue to work to pay my bills. But I no longer care about so many things that distract me from Jesus. Less television…… now, I won’t get rid of the tv but I won’t watch tv shows that glorify crap in this world. I hate (yes, I said hate) those commercials that tell folks to take a certain medicine when you have HIV. In fact, I dislike them pushing any medicine for people on tv. It gives false hope for people who have ailments that could be fixed with sleep, diet, and exercise. And most importantly, with the hand of Jesus in their lives.

I’m cleaning out the closet of my mind, heart, and soul. I will say I’ve failed at times on my diet part of life. I’ve failed at many parts of my life. And a lot of that feeling of failure came from doctors who made me feel like a failure. Example…… Many years ago, I lost 60 pounds and was so excited. I went into my doctor’s appointment happy. He looked at my lab numbers and complained about this, that, and whatever. I looked at him and I said, “Hey, what about my weight loss?” ” I worked hard at that as that was a big deal and you say nothing to lift me up and make me feel good about that.”

I’ve also had doctors who ‘wrote me off’ for not following along with their stinkin’ thinkin’. If I didn’t take their crappy drugs or eat kale, I was gonna die. I’m still here and I am feeling so much better without them and their narrow thoughts.

Point is this…. we can worry about so many things in life and it doesn’t add a day to our life. A happy heart, healthy food, good sleep, and letting God heal us completely in all His ways. Yes, Jesus gives us new life in many ways……. if we confess He is Lord and give our hearts to Him, He gives us new life. It also says in the Bible that Jesus can heal us. Well, that was only during the time Jesus was here on Earth. Really??? Does God limit us, limit it to only a certain time period? Nope. Read the Bible…. He sent out His disciples to go do miracles and wonders. I believe in the entire Bible. I believe that God heals. I will confess this with my mouth. There is hope for everyone who has an ailment. Some might get a miracle healing. Some might see a doctor that gives them a device that helps renew their body. Healing comes in many forms. I truly believe we must have “Hope” play a part in all of it. 2 Timothy 1:7 – For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind – Scripture Frame – Bible Verse.

Matthew 6:25-34 “Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.”

Well, I must get going and do chicken chores. I hear the girls screaming for breakfast and they do get upset if I don’t feed them right away.

May your Friday be filled with much Aloha and your weekend be relaxing. Find the blessings….. look for Godwinks.

And that’s the way it is………

[a-place-to-put-my-thoughts]

8/3/2022 9:39 PM

talking with mom nowadays is just plain awkward at best. went on a walk with [🐕] today, and I was kinda happy to go on a walk. that is, until mom mentioned getting a job or going to school. my attitude went out the window of that speeding car and into the gutters of [town]. I brought up potentially streaming my art as an income source, and she didn't say it out loud but i could tell she wanted to shoot that idea out of my desperate grasp. I mentioned that no minimum wage worker working full-time couldn't sustain themselves, and she said "I know people who do that and they're fine". probably thinking about some random person she knew from high-school because that sure as hell isn't the case nowadays. I remained mostly silent during the walk, knowing that heaven forbid I started to talk about my own crap she'd turn on me. I don't feel safe talking to her anymore. I always fear she's going to try and shit on everything i say or do. it's fine when I'm actually doing nothing and need to do something, but still. if she sees this that'd be a whole different story. she would probably cry or something and try to ask me why i feel like this and that she sees she did nothing wrong or something similar. i don't want to talk to her about this shit. i cry too much, think too fast and never say what i actually mean. I never have time to organize my thoughts into what I want to say before something happens. "I'm always here if you need to talk" I feel like if I do she'll see me as a nuisance since I only feel this way late at night and she needs to go to work or just get up early. I hate how I can talk more easily and openly with [🏈], my father figure of which I only see every once and a while nowadays. Why can't she be as supportive as him? he didn't try to knock me down when I mentioned streaming, hell he encouraged me and wants to help me set all of that up. why do i feel closer to him than my mom? Maybe it's because we have more things in common to talk about, like games and movies and technology and such. mom only talks highly of me when it comes to my art, and even today she phrased my art on the gift for [🥔] like "making [hers] seem like kids drawings". like yeah but come on, it feels like she's fishing for sympathy from me like "oh no your art is good too" or something like that. When I ran on the walk with [🐕] and made it to the bench, she didn't seem impressed. isn't that what you wanted? for me to get exercise? I feel vaguely unloved in this house. I know it's probably because I don't spend time downstairs and that I'm not taking my meds regularly, but gods this hurts so bad to write about. part of me wishes she sees this and gives me a hug and tells me everything will be alright, but i know those words are hollow. maybe this childhood trauma makes me want a more motherly figure comfort me in life. I want hugs, I want kisses, I want to feel loved. but i just don't. not here. i feel like those I've met online love me more. I feel like [🌌] loves me more. Hell, I feel like [🪴] loves me more.

i fucking need therapy but gods know how long it's gonna take for me to actually pick up the phone and make it happen. for now, this notes app is my therapist. a shitty one, but it still feels more welcoming than the woman downstairs. I want to feel loved. I want to feel loved so fuckign bad. does she love me? she will immediately say yes, but does she really? I've been nothing but a burden for the past ⅔ of a year basically, and she's shown me nothing but resentment and disappointment. i probably don't deserve her love right now but gods do i crave it. i want encouragement, i want love, i want sympathy, i want praise, but I know I don't deserve that last one for sitting on my ass all day. i just want to be held right now. no words, no Judgement, i just want to be held and comforted without any questions about it. please. that's all i want right now. maybe i should go downstairs. if i go down crying it'll be the first legitimate concern I've gotten from her in a long time. it feels like emotional manipulation but i just want care. i want to be a kid again. no crippling responsibilities or decisions for the future, just having fun and making friends and getting hugs and being praised for my good work. but i can't. those days are over and i need to grow up. but it's scary and hard to understand and i don't feel like an adult. i don't feel ready. it's all so scary. i want my mom but i fear her reaction to me.

I'm only 19 but the world expects me to be 30 and experienced in my field of work. the world's going to end before then. my rights are being stripped away, as a fem-aligned person and as a queer. war is on the horizon. if i make it to 50 I'll be surprised. hell, I'd be lucky if i make it to 40, or 35, or even 30.

[via-likes-noodles]

Classroom of the Elite - episode 1

I just started “classroom of the elite” and, I swear to God, if this is as patronizing as OreGairu I’m OUT

Priority seats are strategically placed so people with less mobility can more easily go about their lives. Also, to stop discussions about who should give up their seats for others

Then don’t complain when society throws you to the side of the road

‘cus he has eyes and the situation was awkward?

Lady, you’re the one who decided to confront him

Nice Guy: What if we took the time to introduce ourselves and break the ice?

Main Character: Cool, I’m gonna judge every single one of you because you’re more proactive than me and I’m totally not butthurt about that

Me: ¬_¬

Nobody came close to asking that of you, stop being so egocentric

Oh, wow, that’s totally gonna go great with teenagers with no adult supervision

Yeah, so hard to believe that you would find people you know while shopping for life necessities, especially when y’all basically are neighbours and have the same timetable

Oh, wow, you hardly know the girl and you’re already protesting against her choices, this is gonna go GREAT

Sorry to tell ya bud, but you haven’t even ATTEMPTED to make friends

Girl, it’s not even the end of the day yet. You don’t know if you have to pay taxes or some crap like that! I hope y’all have good lawyers

I can’t believe the MC already managed to get on a date with the heroine, also:

ANIME STARBUCKS!

Sis, the school year JUST STARTED

Not to give this show any good points yet, but the “fight” between overeager-girl and the heroine is a good reflection of immature attitudes towards relationships

One wants to be friendly towards everybody while the other one wants nothing to do with others and only sees them as self-serving

One has to learn that not everyone will like her and be interested in having a good or even cordial relationship with her. It sucks, but that’s life and you have to respect what others feel

The heroine needs to learn that some people genuinely want to form bonds because they dislike feeling lonely and/or want to get to know her for the simplest of reasons. While it is important to protect oneself, to be so closed off will make her have a far limited sight of the world around her

Then again I might be looking too much into this show ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ We’ll see

So the whole class suffers instead of the individuals, alright

To be fair, they ARE teenagers. Also, I’m pretty sure what you’re doing in very illegal, but meh

Not to rain on your parade, teach, but doesn’t that also reflect bad on you? Like, you’re IN CHARGE of this class and are probably evaluated as a good/bad teacher by how much success your students have

Honest thoughts:

This story has a strong premisse, but I’m unsure of how well executed it’s going to be. It’s anime and anime will always anime, so there are things I’m already expecting to not have a shred of realism, HOWEVER! It’s a very solid thought exercise on social and economical postures

I’m pretty sure there are going to be people taking advantage of others, how dirty one is willing to get and whatnot; but that’s the basic. The questions I have are these:

1 - What’s the consequence of having no money?

Hypothesis 1: The students are expelled from school.

Hypothesis 2: They are killed.

Hypothesis 3: They have to pay some debt to the school (and possibly are expelled).

Frankly, hypo 3 seems the most likely because it actually gives big consequences to the students. If 1 is the only consequence they have, then all of them should just get out of the school and be done with it (looking at the bully who’s probably against this whole system)

The problem with 2 and 3 is WHERE ARE THE PARENTS OF THESE KIDS. Because I very much doubt the legality of this school system and the parents/guardians HAVE to agree to these conditions before enrolling their kids, cus if not then the school is breaking a lot of children protection laws and that’s gonna be horrible for them - then again, I’m not sure how realistic I can expect this show to be, so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

2 - Can points be transferred?

Frankly if points can be transferred, then the kids can start “businesses” which would lead to sex rings very easily being created. I doubt the show would go this route cus anime, but I do wonder if the school would expel a girl if she got pregnant 🤔. I mean japanese schools love to protect their image and teenage pregnancy is a big NO NO, so that would be fun to see them deal with it

 3 - How the fuck does this school hide this fuckery from being wide known

I’m actually very curious because it’s one thing to pay under the table, but another when several students disappear or get enormous debts to pay after getting expelled. Because this is no assassination classroom - there is no class to be the black sheep that no one believes in, so whatever they say is ignored. ALL OF THE CLASSES have to deal with this shit

 4 - Seriously, what do the teachers gain by not telling the kids what’s expected of them

  5 - WHERE ARE THESE KIDS’ PARENTS/GUARDIANS, THEY CAN’T ALL BE ORPHANS

  Aaaand those are my main thoughts for now

See y’all in the next episode 👍

[airyairyaucontraire]

I think my phone may just have died, which is a son of a bitch if true. I'll leave it on the charger overnight - oh wait! it might be waking up!

yeah, it's awake but it says "your battery's health is significantly degraded" - at 76% of maximum capacity, which doesn't sound as significant as all that to me. I've had it for a couple of years so it's well out of warranty. I suppose I have to see how expensive/troublesome it will be to get the battery replaced tomorrow.