#god I want an Uchiha baby

[uchihaharlot]

Yandere Uchihas with an innocent S/O who doesn't know that he wants to baby trap the S/O.

I think that when an Uchiha wants to get you pregnant… there’s really nothing in the way of stopping them, that being said.

NSFW; Uchiha’s pumping you full of their hot sticky baby batter; Madara breeding; Obito ignorantly blissed; Shisui manipulation; Itachi sexual coercion.

Madara:

lol. This ain’t a baby trap for him. Your body was designed to specifically carry his offspring. Plus it’s the Warring States Era… everyone was fucking without protection. And that includes when Madara has you bunched up beneath him.

He’s not really shy about this either. While sex talk is hot as hell, Madara makes no laughing joke about how fucked out and stuffed full of his genes and babies you’ll be. You’re the perfect woman and you need to be his flesh light. His baby factory, so to speak. Bred until you can hardly breath.

And ma’am, he’s rough when fucking your overly used cunt. Day after day of incessant breeding, him hitting it all the way to your cervix when he cums to make sure his swimmers are close as close gets to your womb. Excellent thing you’re a good little girl and take it all night. The sheets get changed regularly since you have about six or eight loads pumped into you and each load gets fucked out as the other is pumped in. It also takes Madara a looong time to cum inside of you, so you’re basically cumming several times, prepping his cock to empty itself. He just really enjoys seeing how overstimulated you get and how that pussy massages his cock dry. ‘Just a bit more little bird…’ And it sounds so sweet to your exhausted self, but he’s so menacing when it comes to it.

Obito:

I hate to say this but if there were ever an unfortunate enough Uchiha to get baby trapped…. It’s this man here. Our poor Obito is a bit too trusting and a little dense at times. But like, sex feels so so good and he’s touched starved. So when you sit on his fat cock for the first time and fuck him stupid. Any and all sexual education he did have, is wiped free from his mind. You just feel so good in his lap, so wet and warm on his aching length. Especially when you own him this way, Obito can’t think.

Tobi, is a good boi. And if you tell him that, he’s gonna burst fast and heavy in your plush velvety walls without a care. It’s just feels so damn good for Obito to actually cum inside of you, and since he’s rarely sticking his cock often in anyone. He won’t feel the slightest bit nervous when you joke about wanting a little Uchiha in you because, well, it’s hot as fuck. So as many times as you want, he’ll coat your insides until gravity works against his cum and it drips out of you as you ride him through each of his and your orgasms. Which it’s safe to say that if you’re cumming, he is too.

Shisui:

He didn’t really want to do this to you. I mean, yes he wants everyone to see that cute belly of yours cradling his Uchiha baby but also… he knows you’re not entirely ready. So Kotoamatsukami for you, miss. You are none the wiser since Shisui doesn’t even need to look you in the eye while using his ultimate technique. This is a very egregious act and an abuse of power. Shisui justifies it because you have talked about children of your own. Just not making them yet. Shisui, I think, has a heavy conscience over it but when you’re whining for him to fuck a baby in you because your mind has been inundated with thoughts of his hot cum. It’s a non issue in that moment.

Palms splayed all over your stomach when you both cum. Admiring the flat of your stomach and visualizing how plump and delicious you’ll look with his growing seed. Holding your hips roughly when you squirm from being so taut and full of his cock pumping you raw and full.

You just look so sexy like this. Begging him for an Uchiha baby, even if it is manipulative, Shisui is in heaven. ‘Please, Shisui…’ is your vocabulary for the next few hours. This is his passion now. Shisui gets really into filling your soft hole with his seed, very desperate soft whines each time he cums inside of you. That much closer to his goal . If you end up squiring on him, well that’s another two loads to make up for the one you washed out. ‘Tisk, there goes all my hard work, baby. You need more now…’ Gods, his sex out voice is so low and hoarse too 🥵

Itachi:

Any sort of insolence on your side about having his baby is just ending with you tossed into Tsukuyomi. You should have agreed with this man from the get go. Though you might think this is a safe zone for acting out his deplorable behavior. He will fuck you into submission until your willing and eager for it. Just throws you in there and locks the key until he is done. Fucking you senseless until you are in agreeance of him cramming your insides with a baby. It takes only three seconds for him to coerce you from an outside perspective, but yet it’s been nearly a lifetime in there for you.

Consider yourself more fortunate with his good graces if you end up in this situation, agreeing and whatnot. Itachi is persistent when it comes to actually making sure you fall pregnant. Though he doesn’t believe that the more loads of cum you take in a single session actually makes a difference. He will breed you for the novelty of it. It’s just been one of those things whispered in the shadows and plus. It feels so damn good having you whining underneath him this way and hey, yea. Baby making sex is hot as hell. So you really are wanting this. Itachi is typically a soft lover. Very sensual, but like this? Now you know why he was so desperate for your cooperation. The man is insatiable and ends up cumming several times over, especially when he sees how into it you are. How quick you climax the first time he raws you. 🫠

[oh-no-its-bird]

Really stupid au where when they were younger, Kakashi and Obito shared an accidental kiss a lot like Sasuke and Naruto. (Kakashi commits to his mask shortly after but will never not insist it's unrelated)

Years later and Kakashi, trying to cheer up Naruto and Sasuke ab their own embaressing accidental first kiss, shares his own story

Then, years later when Obito reveals himself on the battlefield, instead of going "woah, another Uchiha!?" when he hears his name, Naruto can't help but point and shout OH MY GOD UR THE GUY WHO KISSED SENSEI!!!!!!!!

Instant dead silence. (Obito wants to die)

Sakura, who never heard the story ab how it was a one time accidental kiss: "omg... sensei's childhood boyfriend went evil on him... this is so fucked up"

Obito is VIOLENTLY thrown off by this turn of events (and also hasn't actually thought ab it in years oh my god that did happen didn't it)

Kakashi, seeing how badly it threw him off, and also the kind of person who plays hard into throwing people off and generally fucking w them to gain an edge, seeing Sakura mumbling ab lovers to enemies and just kinda goes "Yeah Obito I can't believe you'd do this to me I thought we had smthn special."

"Yeah a rivalry????"

"So I was only ever a way for u to get stronger,, figures u were using me,,,"

[Confused Obito car crash noises]

Sakura yells smthn ab him being a deadbeat and how Kakashi can do so much better and Naruto is instantly shouting in agreement as Sasuke stands there like "hn." Which is basically the same thing for him

Kakashi just starts straight up lying actually

"What about all those picnics we went on... watching the sun set over konoha..."

"Are you talking about when Minato said we weren't allowed to come back inside till we stopped arguing and ate on opposite ends of the roof bc we couldn't even look at eachother without yelling???"

"It was so romantic."

Obito, starting to actually doubt himself, "was that a date????"

(It was not.)

"You died in my arms..."

"I died under a rock"

"We literally got eye married" (not a thing, he just made this up 3 seconds ago)

"We got WHAT" (no one can prove him wrong tho bc no surviving Uchiha knows that much ab their clans marriage traditions)

"Oh my god sensei's husband is a deadbeat" - sakura, horrified (and maybe a little delighted)

"Figures." -Sasuke, who's been in proximity w Obito for some time now and absoloutley believes every word ab this topic Kakashi is saying

"Woah. This is almost as bad as the fact he murdered my parents when I was a baby dattebayo" - Naruto who's priorities are NOT what they should be

"Ok. I wouldn't go that far." - Sasuke, who's priorities are also fucked but not THAT fucked, oh my god Naruto

"No, no he's right. We should kill him even harder for this" - Sakura, who doesn't actually agree but wants an excuse for more juicy sensei love drama (and also wants to see Obito beaten to death anyways)

[venerawrites]

Thanks for the headcanons of Itachi and the s/o who has illness🥰. Oh my god your writings are just awesome keep it up❤️💪

Can I request some headcanons of itachi,kakashi,naruto when their s/o is pregnant?🤭

author's note: oh my god, this has been sitting in my drafts forever! I have only one assessment left, so I finally have the chance to catch up with my requests! Thank you so, so much for your patience and for requesting! Hope you enjoy!

➤ Itachi

I think I am going to disappoint a lot of you, but Itachi was definitely not happy when he first learned that his s/o was pregnant.

HEAR ME OUT PLS!

It is not that he is not loving his partner, but given everything that has happened to him and all the decisions he had to make throughout his life, he has promised himself that he would never have children. He didn't want to put them at risk, or worse, make them suffer because of his own mistakes.

The initial reaction was shock.

He was always so careful and they always used protection, so how did that happen??

I imagine he would leave for a few days just so he can clear his head and gather his thoughts.

Itachi is naturally a carer and also loves kids, so it doesn't take him long to come around. After a few days, he is already back to his s/o and they better believe he would not leave them for ANYTHING.

Very overprotective, sometimes quite unreasonable - even in the early stage of the pregnancy, he would insist on taking care of his s/o, cook for them, clean the house etc.

Does not like the idea of his lover leaving the house by themselves, mainly because he is paranoid that either Sasuke or any of his enemies would target them. He always accompanies them when they want to go out, and when he does, he keeps his arm wrapped around their back or shoulders.

As the pregnancy progresses, so do his worries, and if his s/o doesn't want to be overwhelmed by him, they have to set clear boundaries and let him know they need some space to breathe.

Totally a man who would deliver his baby at home!

The moment he heard his baby's cry, he started trembling. No one loves like the Uchiha after all, especially when it comes to their love for their children!

➤ Kakashi

Just like Itachi, for most of his life he was of the firm opinion he DOES NOT want kids.

His s/o, however, was the one that brought up the question at some point in their relationship, and since then he couldn't stop thinking about it.

When his lover told him they were pregnant he was surprised, but not shocked. With the amount of "practice" they were doing, it was bound to happen sooner or later.

I think internally he would be worried and stressing about his s/o, but he would try and act cool about it.

He would purchase dozens of books about pregnancy and would read them all the time. (including during missions and night outs with friends!) Guy and Kurenai would find it cute and would often discuss their own tips with him, while Genma and Anko would roll their eyes at their antics.

Knowing how important is for him to give space to his s/o, he would subtly help around the house, but would still let them go out on their own, do chores or if they are a ninja, even go to low-rank missions.

The more their belly grows, the more fascinated he becomes!

Very touchy - his hands are constantly on his s/o's belly, caressing it or sometimes just holding it.

Kakashi would do that only when his lover is asleep, but he is totally talking to his s/o's stomach and telling his baby random stories.

During the last months, he would also become quite overprotective.

He won't bother his s/o that much, but he won't allow anyone to get close to them, touch their stomach, or bother them for longer than few minutes.

Overall, very supportive and sweet partner, who is going to make his s/o's pregnancy as easy as possible, despite his own fear of failure.

➤ Naruto

0 clue about what's going on! 0!

At first he thinks it is exciting - having a baby is fun, right? You get to dress it, feed it, take it out... it is like playing with a doll!

Buys tons of clothes and toys literally a week after he found out his s/o is pregnant, despite not even knowing the gender yet. (yes, they had to return most of them!)

Comes with a ton of weird names for their little one, because he wants them to be 'unique'. Oinks, Huggy, and Nemar (which is just 'ramen' spelled backward!) were on the top of his list.

The first months are pretty nice and fun! When the hormones start to kick in, however...

I love Naruto, he is one of my fav boys, but I bet my soul that he is so annoying during his s/o's pregnancy!

He would not understand when he needs to give his s/o space and instead will be in their face 24/7. I imagine that he would also (try to) do some housework, but because he put only like 10% effort, his lover would have to constantly go after him and re-do it!

Lots of small petty fights!

Which would always end in Naruto bringing his s/o their favourite snack or takeaway, so it works out!

Very proud to be a future dad - he would go around the whole village, telling everyone how excited he is and how he can't wait to see the baby!

Not scared or nervous at all - he knows that in the end, everything is going to work out! Plus, he and his s/o are going to have each other, so why fear?

His s/o better be prepared to take care of TWO babies, because it would take a long time for this man to become serious and laid back!

cc artwork: Clement Tingry

[rayshippouuchiha]

Why does nobody ship the last 2 uzumaki? Naruto and Karin. Their not directly related, so its no different than an uchiha marrying another uchiha. I just want them to make little demi god power level shinobi babies okay😭

a Karin-Naruto baby would be such a fucking menace and it'd honestly be so great

[squidpus]

Some notes about my "Gramps Madara" au if y'all were curious.

Okay maybe this turned more into a whole collection of headcanons... :⁠^⁠)

So this started as just a silly little au where Madara Uchiha is just a skrunkly old OLD man.

He's just living his ultimate retirement and...healing?? I guess is a way to put it. But also being a pain for poor Obito.

Also the Uchiha clan is definitely not murdered.

Things of note:

Izuna still dies, I feel it's an important cornerstone of Madara's character development.

He was infatuated (maybe a little obsessed) with Hashirama ever since they first met but he never acts upon it, feeling that Hashirama has higher priorities than him. Haha RIP king u deserved better.

Madara is still "killed" by Hashirama and remains in hiding after resurrecting. Zetsu is there too! I consider him like to be a really chill houseplant.

While Hashirama and Tobirama are still alive, he stays in his hideout for years. Still researching and developing jutsus with Hashirama's DNA that he stole.

He refuses to join the Uchiha elders, thinking himself much more important than them but also not wanting to waste time in "pointless meetings".

He returns to the village when the Third Hokage begins his term. The Uchiha clan welcome him back, the rest of the village is still uneasy about him but he is allowed to live within the Uchiha compound.

He takes in Obito after the death of Obito's parents. In this case, Obito is just a baby.

Madara later takes in Mikoto who, in this au, also loses her parents when she's around 10 years old.

Oh God I've domesticated him....but I think he feels pity for them. He's lost family and seeing these orphaned kids sparks something in him. It's impulsive but now he finds himself with two kids wow!

For the first time in a long time, he looks forward to what life has to bring. Mikoto is wildly intelligent and takes her training very seriously. Obito is a strange child (in Madara's opinion) but he finds him amusing. They are a ragtag little family but Madara is proud of it.

Obito is still nearly killed during his mission at Kannabi Bridge. Madara rescues him and rehabilitates him still making use of Zetsu and Hashirama's DNA.

Mikoto eventually marries Fugaku (Madara doesn't approve of that but he won't argue with Mikoto) and moves out of the household.

As Madara gets older, Obito is responsible for him which basically means keeping him out of trouble.

When Mikoto has Itachi and Sasuke, he is very happy! Sasuke is his favorite because he reminds him of a young Izuna.

Madara has various hobbies, he's tired of war. He still likes fighting but like... sparring (still trying to find that high from when he used to fight with Hashirama).

He takes up art, falconry, *cough* collecting eyes *cough* it's for research and preventing the sharingan from falling into the wrong hands.

But yeah I think that covers the basics!

[mixelation]

oh wait TWO reborn au ideas

i've been toying with the idea of a time travel arc for mutagenicity so how's this:

minato tells tori she has to be hokage but dw, he'll give her a nice long multi-year transition period and mentor her. after all, he had a SHIT time when the title was just dumped on him! he wants to set up a better transition of power

tori is like "Are you fUCKING KIDDING ME i thought it would just be kakashi?????" but also she has just admitted to growing an illegal test tube baby so she's like. fine. if it lets me keep my illegal uchiha heir baby, i will see what this is like. we can obviously just back out if this turns into a disaster

like two weeks into this mentoring thing, they have a time travel accident and both end up in hashirama-era konoha

tori: ....well. tori: you're my mentor tori: mentor us out of this :|

tori is stressed because her TEST TUBE BABY NEEDS CONSTANT ATTENTION???? she keeps referring to herself as "pregnant" but the context never makes sense.

at first minato is like "well, neither of us are clan kids, so we should be able to just blend in" and i feel like choosing this as their plan means it has to get fucked up somehow and obviously they have to meet the senju brothers

minato keeps prompting tori make decisions because uuuh what a great training mission for the types of high stakes decisions she'll have to make as hokage

tori: are you just doing this because YOU have no idea what we're doing either?

and then my other idea is completely unrelated to this one. book club gets into a heated debate about if a bunshin can have free will. tori gets fed up and goes and makes a bunshin with free will, and it immediately escapes. so for a while there's just..... a tori clone out there. doing.... whatever is funniest

(tori is like "well, she's me, so obviously her goal will be to just fuck off and live a peaceful life" and everyone around her is like "oh my god, she is going to destroy a country")

[its-dari]

Beware Baby Bunny

Hard Yandere! Akatsuki - Types & Danger Levels

I know it says "hard yan". But that's because my preferred type are soft yans... This is literally the worst extreme, especially in terms of character.

~ Dari

Deidara

Type: Manipulative & Dependent

Danger Level: 3/10

Not particularly manipulative towards you, more so towards any possible suitors. But if he is favored by you, he will milk it to the best he can. This especially shows when he assesses that he cannot physically win over them and resorts to more underhanded methods. A yandere that needs you like he needs air and all his purpose feels like it's gone when he is no longer with you. Like he'd die without you.

Creepy Behaviors Include: Heavy breathing upon close contact. Occasional thievery of your items. Manipulative behaviors towards potential suitors. Occasionally Munchausen.

Hidan

Type: Violent & Delusional

Danger Level: 9.5/10

Intensely wrapped in the bloody thoughts of Jashin, he believes that you were gifted to him for his labors to his god. There is nothing but blood in his brain when it comes to you, obsessively and sexually wrapping himself in how you look drenched in it. He is willing to harm both you and anyone that gets in his way of having you. It is only a side comment that makes him conceal his feelings and behavior.

Creepy Behaviors Include: Idealization. Erotomania. Stealing of bloodied sanitation products. Leering.

Hoshigaki Kisame

Type: Protective & Possessive

Danger Level: 7/10

Immensely blood thirsty but unlikely to violently react towards rivals unless they were similar. Views your opinion as important and so is careful in how he presents himself in front of you. If pushed, he could react violently but is a relatively docile type. Very loyal and pretty liberal in committing bloody acts if he knows he won't be caught. Depends on how well you handle these tendencies.

Creepy Behaviors Include: Keeping things you make for him long beyond it's tenure; including food.

Kakuzu

Type: Possessive Provider

Danger Level: 4/10

Doesn't try and especially hide his fondness and generally is one of the more normal types. While people presumably think he'd view the object of his affections as a posession, it's his experience and older age that allowed this more mellowed look. While his rank and level of violence of a criminal is still high. There is still somewhat of a levelheaded way he goes about dealing with rivals. He also won't really attempt to force you into anything.

Creepy Behaviors Include: Stealing Minimal Items. Financial Coercion.

Sasori

Type: Apathetic, Obsessive & Possessive

Danger Level: 10/10

Lucid and fully aware his behavior is unhealthy and will keep it to himself. The most dangerous in the sense that he cares little for you, your feelings, or your choices. He's also the master of acting like there's nothing wrong with him. The only one with a full 10 in all categories.

Obsessed with the idea of memorializing you forever by turning you into a puppet regardless of your wishes. Watches you often and at length to be able to gauge your anatomy and measurements perfectly. Has likely made a doll version of you and prepared clothes for a potential wedding... If given a chance, will make a different human puppet if the victim is close enough to your likeness.

Creepy Behaviors Include: Staring(often withoit blinking). Watching you sleep if given chance. Idealization. Objectification.

Uchiha Itachi

Type: Protective & Passive

Danger Level: 2/10

Genuinely the least selfish of the bunch, while he has an agenda in flirting with you and wanting to have you. He simply can go on without having you in a romantic sense, content fo have you in his life and just show you that you matter a lot to him. Will set aside his feelings in favor of yours and let you be happy with someone else. The closest to genuinely loving you. Though can show aggression/violence towards those that mean you harm or disrespect your memory.

Creepy Behaviors Include: Stealing Items. Replicating them with sharigan if possible.

Non-Yans / Yan Leashes:

Pein / Nagato

Honestly, someone come help this man. It is their respect for him that they're not acting out. He probably has a soft spot of some sort for you otherwise, he would consider murdering you for causing unrest among the others.

Konan

She's probably used to the creepy leering of men, and is immensely uncomfortable by the knowledge of this behavior. It is her connection with Pein and respect for her that keep them from behaving like insane people. Well, except Hidan, but that's par for the course.

Uchiha Obito / Tobi

He knows EVERYTHING and WOW, he thought he was bad. He takes advantage of his position as "innocent" Tobi to go around and mess with them, just for his amusement... It is his own fondness for you as a member that makes sure they keep from anything too extreme.

Zetsu

If the cannibal himself is grossed out by them, there's a problem. He is the one to report to the others as he can phase through walls and such... Keeps them docile for the sake of that they might know he knows everything.

[ludwigplayingthetrombone]

After seeing your beautiful new piece with the cute vignettes of team 7+team kakashi, i was wondering — how do you feel about Naruto (the boy)?

o thankyou! ;u; my feelings on narts the boy are so torn tbh so im gonna throw my ramblings under a cut bc idk if i can articulate this correctly

og naruto narts? love him. adore him. i miss that dumb little punk kid i loved him challenging the system and wanting to change it and help people. i /wanted/ him to inspire people like kakashi and gai's gen to do the same and realize how fucked up their childhoods were being weapons of the state at like 6 and 7

shippuden narts? He just rubs me the wrong way. started out good with gaara rescue arc, but then all his pizzaz left and let his obsession of sasuke be the only priority. (This isnt his fault, but kishi writing it so ONLY naruto could kill or defeat most of the enemies with his new op move was so boring to me. none of the secondary cast got to do shit) He also didnt take one second to question if his endgoal is still the same since he turned out to be exactly the opposite of "anyone can be hokage" bc he turns out to have the specialist blood of all and got revealed as a nepo baby and chosen one. He licherally became complicit and changed next to nothing as hokage in the end. the status quo remained the fucking same. Naruto rejecting the hokage position bc he recognizes neji was right is so much more interesting to me

Naruto is at his best when sasuke isnt involved imho. I adore his interactions with everyone else bc he truly loves his friends and family, but him and sakura were so delusional over sasuke but didnt actually Know him and his trauma they just loved the Idea of him. the way they talk about it, they act like sasuke was kidnapped and didnt CHOOSE to leave and even tried to kill them multiple times. shikamaru stronger than me, it'd slap the shit out of both of them

I wish they'd head on addressed the whole "sasuke's whole family was slaughtered in front of him" together and not "you have to come back so we can be a team and things can be normal again like nothing ever happened and fight me!" naruto would be the first one to offer to pull up on itachi with him lets be real lmaoo. I wanted him to offer sasuke support to BOTH tackle the injustices of the leaf. it's kinda like hiruzens passiveness with orochimaru and danzo. never holding certain loved ones accountable he was the same way with obito and even hiruzen himself. (is he even aware of hiruzen's part in the uchiha massacre or obito killing his parents?? then pardoning orochimaru?? HELLO???)

There were moments where i did see our boy shine thru, but then the god powers bullshit hit. in short, bring back my punk little man. his pure intentions were ruined by bad writing

my naruto endgame for him is not stuck at a deskjob he hates with a nuclear family he neglects and more he chooses to give up the hokage job to someone who actually can enact change and who isnt from a prestigious family. travels around helping people hands on and finally gets the peaceful life with found family he never had. advocating better for the next gen.

part one naruto, my baby boy

[tianasficrecs168]

Random Naruto fics

I've given up sorting through and grouping things together. It is what it is. Which is a bunch of random ships and fics in a mixer.

Anyway, here it is:

A black dot • means it’s a one-shot

Brackets (…) means it's still being updated/not done/WIP – and I'm paying close attention to it

(000) -> disappeared off the internet (don't worry I have a copy shh)

(Pairing/Pairing+) -> Time travel or dimension hopping – something along those lines

A heart ♡ means it's focused on Sexy times (it's pure filth PWP, or like, a plot focused on getting to the porn part lol)

xwannaflyx: “Saving the World (but Mostly Yourself)” (Gai/Kakashi+) part of a series, one of three Kakashi's plan to save the world is something vaguely involving exposing Danzo's involvement in everything and stalking Orochimaru to make sure he can keep an eye on any potentially apocalyptic projects. His plan did NOT involve becoming the student of Orochimaru. (Also his plan kinda sucks and Sasuke may have had a point when he said he didn't have a plan.) (Realistically he didn't have much of a plan and thank god for Tsunade because both Kakashi and Orochimaru are a hot mess)

TJ_Dragonblade: - “Delayed (or, Why Kakashi Is Never On Time)” (Gai/Kakashi) ♡  • The real reason Kakashi's always showing up late.

Thehoundisdead: “I Was Born to Press My Head Between Your Shoulder Blades” (Gai/Kakashi) • “Ugh,” Kakashi sighs loud before turning quick and sharp in Guy’s grasp so they face each other, only to absolutely slam his face against Guy’s chest. If Guy were a lesser man it might hurt, but as is, he just laughs at his Rival’s antics, even as said rival curls his fist tight on Guy’s bare waist, “I’m trying to sleep, be quiet.” “But Kakashi,” Guy actually whispers this time, jaw moving against the top of Kakashi’s head, “You are in my bed.” Or, 5 times Kakashi fell asleep on Guy and one time Guy understood.

Forgetme: “Phoenix” (Gai/Kakashi) • Kakashi comes back to life. It takes a while. (takes place after chapter 450)

Aventria, iluxia: - “Hiding in the Leaves” (...) (general) last update: 2023 In another life, Orochimaru never leaves Konoha, opting to remain within the village that equally reveres and reviles him. Fighting a bitter battle against forces within the village that are more influential and well-positioned, he finds himself gifted with one last shining opportunity: three children, a team of genin, handed to him because Konoha has no better choice. Orochimaru agrees to become a jounin-sensei for the first and the last time, taking on the next generation's Team Seven: Uchiha Sasuke, Nara Shikamaru, and Uzumaki Naruto.

Chrononautical: - “An Unexpected Homecoming” (Kakashi/Minato+) The Reaper dies and those who were sealed alive are released.

Tozette: “Hit Me With Your Best Shot” (Sasuke/Sakura) • Sasuke is actually eighteen the first time he looks at Sakura and realizes abruptly that he wants her.

Sunshine_sparrow: - “With Nothing On My Tongue” (...) (Kakashi/Naruto) last update: 2023 Naruto realizes the ability of the Kage Bunshin the night after being attacked by Mizuki. At first he just wants to use them to help him train; then the true usefulness of the jutsu begins to reveal itself. Featuring baby badasses, Tank Team Seven, snarky dogs, a special guest appearance by Kakashi's Guilt Complex, and many, many fix-it cliches.

Grilled Cheesby: - “The Jikan Phenomenon” (...) (Sasuke/Kakashi+)         last update: 2020 The Jikan Phenomenon is something that the Uchiha rarely talk about. The sharingan and it's capabilities when it comes to space and time are largely unexplored. The sharingan has many techniques that, with enough training, the wielder can control. The Jikan Phenomenon is not one of them. 

Chespin: - “The Cessation of Panic“ (Sakura/Sasuke) • "There's a thing called a hospital," she starts. "I recognize that Orochimaru was mean to you and probably never took you to one, but they're wonderful things. You should go there. Now." Or: Five times Sasuke shows up injured on Sakura's doorstep.

CherFleur: “Tsundoku” (...) (Kakashi/OC) *discontinued, rewrite in progress, also has some unconnected fics within the same fic universe Hatake Kakashi had a problem. Some would argue that he has many problems but while they may be right, he's perfectly content ignoring them. And denial. He's very good at denial. Well, this time, technically he had three genin-shaped problems, but right now his most troublesome - ah, he can practically feel the Nara cringing - problem is a student so covered in scented lotion, shampoo, and soap that she could qualify as an implement of torture. This needed a kunoichi's touch. Preferably one without a team of her own, definitely not someone who would traumatize them even more... Ah ha. He's a genius. Yes, Nagisa Asuka will be perfect. Hopefully, she won't stab him when he asks. People often try to stab him. He wonders why.

Araceil: "Accidental Providence" (...) (Naruto/Neji) (000) deleted fic, but I still have the google doc saved An AU where Naruto graduated the first time he was at the academy and ends up on Gai's team with TenTen and Neji (in cannon he failed to graduate 3 times I think, and then after that the Mizuki thing happened) *obviously since the fic was deleted, I don't have the official summary, so my own will have to do

Wolfy Tales: - “I Found You Missing” (Kakashi/Sakura) •  'They're asking us because these soldiers have absolutely no one left to write home to' Sakura thought with a frown. So she signs up for the Shinobi Letter Exchange, not realizing how large the consequences would be.

Mx. Irony: - “Curiosity and the Copycat” (...) (Kakashi/OC)  last update: 2020 Hatake Kakashi had a routine of sorts: train, complete missions, visit the Memorial, and read Icha Icha Paradise. Then that routine was interrupted by a nosy, overly friendly civilian. 

Applecrumbledore: “Awful Wonderful” (Gai/Kakashi) •  Gai spoke at the reception that followed Kakashi's inauguration. “My eternal rival—it has been one of the premiere joys of my life to watch you transform from the curious, brooding youth whom I admired into the intelligent, powerful and truly kind man who sits before me today, whom I am proud to respect and adore.” He raised his sake cup and it looked comically small in his big hands. “To our Rokudaime.” Adore. Kakashi turned the word over and over again in his head and tried to remember if Gai had said it before in all his flowery language about friendship. He couldn't.

Blackkat: - “Backslide” (Naruto/Kakashi+)  Naruto’s friends are gone, his lover is dying, Konoha is destroyed, and Madara’s second return has pushed the entire world to the brink. Hunted and harried, Naruto is sent back in time to upend Madara’s plan before it even starts, and sets about changing everything. Butterfly effect nothing: the world is at stake, and Naruto is hardly about to let it fall to ruin once more. Not while he’s still breathing.

Ideaoforder: - “Roots and Wings” (Kakashi/Iruka)  When Naruto is kidnapped from his orphanage at age three, Kakashi is so done with this shit. He gets Naruto back, tells the Hokage where to go (politely, because he isn't suicidal), and raises the boy himself. Or, you know, tries and is proud when there aren't too many explosions. Then everybody starts to copy him and it's a whole thing.

Flialinginlove: - “The Bingo Book” (Kakashi/Iruka)  Kakashi avoided relationships. He didn't want to put others in danger. So he couldn't understand why there was a face staring back at him, as a sub-entry to his own, in this Bingo Book. Umino Iruka (lover) the caption read. It didn't matter that it wasn't true. The Book was fact, and to Kakashi's enemies, Iruka had just become a weakness they could exploit.

Flialinginlove: “Interested” (Kakashi/Iruka) •  Iruka sees Kakashi without his mask and suddenly seems a lot more interested in him than he's ever been before.

Flialinginlove: “Catching Lightning in a Bottle” (Kakashi/Iruka)♡  Iruka gets a little more than he bargained for when he summons his first demon.

Flialinginlove: “Scent and Sensibility” (Kakashi/Iruka)  In a world where most people identify their mates by scent the first time they meet, Kakashi and Iruka take a more scenic route. Or, the one where Iruka does an excellent job of hiding the fact that he is an omega, right up until he gets stuck in a cave with Kakashi. (A/B/O dynamics but without mpreg, dub-con, and rivers of gushing fluids, also trying to avoid overly stereotyped gender roles.)

Flialinginlove: Maldoror_gw: - “Spring Fever” (Kakashi/Iruka) •  *this one doesn't have a summary. which irritates me. and I can't be bothered writing one for it, that's just insulting. read it if u want, I remember liking it

 

Flialinginlove: “The Perfect Trap” (Kakashi/Iruka) •  *this one doesn't have a summary either. why.

[vulpisnocturna]

Can I request Itachi NSFW Alphabet please?

Ahhh my baby Itachi. *knuckles cracking* let's get into it. MINORS DO NOT INTERACT!

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

Itachi is the aftercare god. He will give you a drink, clean you up, run you a bath and wash your hair. He'll occasionally get worried if he leaves your skin reddened or your muscles are sore, asking you if you're alright, if he hurt you. He loves taking care of you, and wants nothing more than to cuddle and make you feel loved.

B = Body part (Their favourite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Let's face it, Itachi knows he's attractive. He doesn't think about his own body too much, but he likes his hands and his eyes (duh). As for his lover, honestly everything. He can't get enough of you. But I would think he loves your face and hair. He loves watching the way your lips stretch in a smile, your eyes, the light reflecting on your hair. He's just a huge fan of looking at you as though you were a work of art.

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically… I’m a disgusting person)

The Uchiha Breeding Kink isn't as strong as other members of his clan, but don't fret, he still has it. He loves finishing inside of you, be it your mouth or your pussy. He loves the feeling of you squeezing him through it, and when you ask him to do it, he'll go absolutely feral.

He's not without caution, though. He won't do it unless he knows it's safe or he's in a stable position to be able to build a family. Then boy oh boy, does he get into it. Gotta repopulate the clan, after all.

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Ah! Itachi loves rough sex. He loves you more than anything, but he lives for teasing and working you up, only to act as though you got mad and need to be put in your place. He'll call you his little brat and tie your hands to the headboard, enjoying the sight of you squirming and begging. It's the Uchiha ego, you guys. He likes to be in control, but he sometimes gets in his head too much and wonders if he is hurting you. Your moans and whimpers say quite the opposite, and he settles himself, humming appreciatively as he starts teasing again before he pushes you down into the mattress and whispers filth into your ear as he sets an unrelenting pace.

He's also secretly possessive. He wants to hear you say you're his, and he likes hearing how much you want him.

'You belong to me, mh? Tell me. Tell me if anyone has ever made you feel as good as I do' he would say, tightening his hold on your throat and gripping your thigh as he thrusts into you.

'I'm yours. Only yours' you would reply breathlessly, moaning as he hums appreciatively, finally touching your clit.

'Again' he would command, because he wants to hear you tell him you're his over and over again.

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

Itachi is by no means a player, but he's indulged in a few women. During his ANBU missions, as a distraction from his work in the Akatsuki...

But what gives him experience is that clever head of his. He's very observant and intuitive, he will know when you like something, and he will burn it into his memory, always seeking out the little places that make you whine for him.

F = Favourite Position (This goes without saying. Will probably include a visual)

He loves seeing your face as he pleasures you. He likes the little gasps, the tightly closed eyes (he will remind you to look at him, or he will stop), the tousled hair around your face. Missionary just makes him feel connected with you. He also likes spooning you, it feels intimate and he has easy access to every single part of your body. But when Itachi gets rough, expect him to bend you over and fuck you from behind until you scream. 'So desperate', he'll say softly, 'you can't help but beg me for more. That's it. Keep begging, darling'

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc)

Itachi's humour is very dry and cutting. He'll use it to tease you, but he'll be subtle. He'll say something he knows you will twist in your mind, taunting like a cat with a prey. He loves seeing you get angry and cheeky, just so he can put you back in your place. During the act, though, he's not one for jokes. He's zeroed in on you, and apart from teasing, he won't be humorous.

H = Hair (How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)

Itachi is very clean. I mean, look at his silky hair. That man definitely owns hair masks. He likes to keep himself well groomed, and he trims his hairs quite often.

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…)

Please. Itachi is the most intimate man who ever graced the earth. He’s a perfect househusband.

He'll hold your hand, pinning it down on the mattress and locking his fingers with yours, look into your eyes, slow down the pace to make it more sensual.

The man is a whore for kisses. Slow, passionate kisses, he'll suck on your bottom lip, he'll kiss your throat, your cheeks, your forehead, your thighs, your chest. He loves neck kisses. Giving or receiving, he loves the feeling of them.

J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)

Itachi won't indulge himself much. When he's on a mission, he needs to focus, and he will be tense, but he won't give in. Alone at night, when he's not on a mission, though, he will quietly give in, picturing you in his mind as he does it.

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)

We've talked about the infamous breeding kink. Itachi is the god of praise kink (and genjutsu). He will call you his good girl, tell you how good you feel, let you know just how well you're taking him. He'll praise every inch of your body in that soothing, mellow voice of his. He also likes dirty talk (and boy is it hot in that voice). He likes combining the two, which results in you being called "my pretty little slut" and "desperate girl". He enjoys teasing you, seeing your pride fade into desperate craving. And he'll be happy to oblige you.

That's because this man is the overstimulation and edging king. He's a soft dom, and he's honed in on your pleasure. When he's fucking you, everything is about you and your pleasure. He will never deny you an orgasm, but he will delay it until you're begging for him before ravaging you.

'Oh? You wish to cum for me? Then I'll make you cum until your voice is raw from screaming'

L = Location (Favourite places to do the do)

Don't fix what isn't broken. Beds are a very good place according to Itachi. They're comfortable, and because fucking usually lasts a while with him, your comfort is his top priority. He's not against fucking you against the wall or in the bathtub, though. Itachi's not into public sex a lot. He's a very private person, and he needs to hear you loud and clear when he fucks you in the comfort of your home or in an onsen.

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

Teasing, teasing, teasing. Itachi loves playing mind games. He will never harm you or cause you psychological distress, but he loves taunting. He will get you so worked up that he knows you will melt by the time you're underneath him. He's an intense man under all that control, and he likes seeing you want him as badly as he wants you. And he'll always deliver.

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Anything that involves degrading their S/O or harming them. It's different when he slaps your ass or chokes you or tells you how filthy you are for him, but when it comes to causing you pain or humiliating you with other people, that's a hard no for him. He's also secretly possessive, so he doesn't want to share.

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)

A giver at heart, Itachi won't let himself cum until you have. Several times. He will bury his head between your thighs every chance he gets, and it's nothing but a drug to him. He'll be sucking, licking, scraping with his teeth, flicking with his tongue until you can't stop shaking. He won't stop after your orgasm, keeping you still as he continues to devour you. Knowing he can make you come undone with his tongue makes him lose control. And he's good, too.

He loves the feeling of your lips around his cock, and he'll try to restrain himself, worried he might cause you discomfort. If you do ask him to fuck your mouth, though, he will fist your hair and praise you throughout it. You're going to have to swallow his cum, because if you're so intent on being his good girl, how could you not? And he'll return the favour. Several times.

P = Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)

Itachi takes his time. His illness makes it difficult to set a pace that's too fast, but he is unrelenting. When he fucks you slowly, it's to get you to beg him to be rough. And when he's rough, he is still very precise with his thrusts, hitting your g-spot each time.

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)

Not too fond. Quickies means no time to truly worship you and make you desperate. He'll do it, but he will still put aside some time to fuck you with his fingers before he has his way with you.

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)

He is open to experimenting, but he will want to talk about it first. He won't do anything he's not comfortable with, but he'll do everything to make you happy.

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…)

This man has a full illness, and he still has the stamina to go several rounds. He knows how to preserve his energy and make the most out of it. He lasts quite a while, because he has so much control on himself that he uses to wait until you have orgasmed before it's his turn.

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

I don't even think the Naruto world has sex toys. But Itachi wouldn't like them that much. Why use toys when he could use his fingers and his tongue for hours? He doesn't like sharing what's his.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

A lot. He's a teasing kind of person, and he will taunt you as he delays your orgasm to see how you will react. But he will always deliver at the end, making every orgasm count.

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

Itachi is not a very loud person. He's vocal about what he likes and what you're doing, praising and teasing, but his moans are quiet. He will sigh softly, groan when he buries himself inside you or moan as you lick his cock, but he won't be loud. What he will do, however, is put his lovely voice to good use. He has a way with words, and he can make you melt in his arms with just that.

W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice)

He loves tying you up. He enjoys the trust involved in letting him guide you through it, and he likes pleasuring you, knowing you can't move or touch him. He likes the way you squirm as he takes his sweet time exploring your body, having you completely at his mercy.

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words)

Itachi is lean and toned, with graceful hands and tapered fingers. He's that type of skinny guy. He's quite thick and lengthy, around 6.5 inches. Not a monstrous cock, but a very good one to be able to pleasure you. He has a slight tilt, which only makes it easier for him to hit your g-spot.

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

Itachi's quite sick, so on the days he doesn't feel well, he can't do much. He wants you all the time, but he's a busy man and he doesn't get to enjoy you as often as he'd like. He's still going to make time for you a few times a week, as the doting man he is.

Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

He's the type to have a relaxing bath with his S/O after sex, and then, he'll want to cuddle. Be prepared to have lots of kisses. He will cradle you in his arms and run his fingers through your hair, lulling you into sleep. He won't fall asleep straight away, but when he does, it's usually one of the few times he doesn't have nightmares.

[cocoacat323]

Naruto Fic Recs

Since so many people liked my svsss rec list I thought I might do one for Naruto, warning all of these are either sasuke-kakashi centric so if you don't like that I recommend you don't read this! Anywho!

heroes come back Summary: Sasuke Uchiha is reborn as Timothy Drake

With Friends Like These Summary:

“I’m from the future—seven years in the future.” There’s a long, drawn-out silence. Itachi’s face is unreadable as he stares at Sasuke. “You’re what?” he finally says.

Sasuke travels back in time to stop the war. He infiltrates the Akatsuki in order to kill them - he doesn't expect to take a page out of Naruto's book and befriend them instead.

CCG Public Enemy No 1 Summary: Kakashi had a single red-and-black eye for more than half his life. Now, he has two.

twist 'verse Summary: Team Seven, in all its iterations, gets fucked over by whatever cosmic powers yet again and time travels/reincarnates/possesses bodies of the Founders. (Note: This is a series not a fic, but I thoroughly enjoyed it so it's making the list anyway.)

Frayed Truths 'verse Summary:

"What are you saying?" Kakashi demands, distress turning his tone harsh. "That you don't know when he'll wake up?" "I'm saying I don't know if he will."

When Itachi uses the Tsukuyomi on his brother that day in the hallway, he miscalculates. In the aftermath, Sakura and Naruto struggle with what it means to be a team and Kakashi sits by the bedside of a boy that might never wake.

A single misstep, and everything changes.

[NOW UNDERGOING EDITING]

(Note: This is also a series and not a fic, I'm sorry about that, but once again it's very good. The series itself has no summary so I went with the summary for the first fic in the series.)

How a Young Heart Really Feels Summary: It was absolutely the most devastating thing to ever happen to him in his six years of life. He knew Uchiha were supposed to love too deeply, but this was ridiculous! He was just a kid, for god's sake! He didn't want to be in love!

Or: Sasuke gets a crush and it messes with best laid plans.

Misrecognition Summary: During the fight on top of the hospital after Itachi's tsukuyomi Sasuke sees Naruto's rasengan and decides that was the final nail to hammer home his weakness, how he would never be able to become stronger than his brother. He was a loser, destined to fail, destined to die. So he might as well die now.

Sasuke tries to use Naruto's rasengan as a means to an end. Friend-killer Kakashi watches this.

Restore My Faith Summary: Sasuke was consumed with hatred because his family was killed. His entire family, not a single person left alive except him and their killer. It was enough to drive someone insane, or into the arms of the first maniac promising him enough power for revenge.

Instead Sasuke finds a little baby Uchiha on a meaningless mission and leaves Konoha for a vastly different reason. (Note: Very literally my favorite fic in the world, of you were to read any fic on this list I beg that it is this one.)

Never Trust Your Rinnegan (Tales of Sasuke's Travels) Summary: "Sasuke isn't in the Elemental Nations.

None of the Elemental Nations have buildings quite like this, people quite like this. Sure, Ame is weird, but this is really pushing it. These people don't have Chakra signatures, they shouldn’t be alive.

The Rinnegan has never teleported him somewhere he hasn’t already gone."

OR: Sasuke is transported to the world of BNHA and has a very hard time trying to get out.

Road to Nowhere Summary: Hitoshi knows there's something wrong with himself before he's even old enough to have a sense of self. He looks at his reflection and knows that the infant looking back at him isn't what he should be seeing.

His dreams are a maelstrom of grief and fear, his mind overwhelmed with a lifetime of emotions his brain isn't developed enough to comprehend. There's an ingrained instinct blaring that everything is wrong wrong wrong.

--

In which Hatake Kakashi is reincarnated as Shinsou Hitoshi, and he wants nothing to do with this world's so-called "heroes."

A step to the left (and right off the cliff) Summary: Team Seven starts off on a different foot and Sasuke's canonical journey to get stronger goes off the rails a bit. It all works out though. Probably.

[uchihaharlot]

Hello there, i really love your headcanons tbh maybe the realest ones here

Since I'm here its obvious im in Uchiha hell so,

Could I politely ask for uchihas turn ons and turn offs? I swear to god when i think about them horny it brings a tear to my eye from blissfulness

The realest ones? Nonny, you honor me to the highest degree and I am forever grateful you feel this way. ❤️🥹

I think a better question would be what doesn’t turn these men off (I also think I answered this differently than you might have wanted, I hope not though). 😮‍💨😌 Though none of these men are shallow individuals, so rest assured, anyone would be their type.

Semi-NSFW; just some things that make an Uchiha melt inside

Madara:

All natural women. I’m gonna be honest here; in Madara’s time, the more rounded a woman. The better (for breeding). But in all honesty, he appreciates all shapes and sizes.

His turn off is weakness, she needs to be confident. Which sounds callous, but if she’s not at minimum as much a firecracker as he is. The chemistry is off. Madara needs someone who is going to keep him on his feet with excitement, not someone who will make him second guess their intentions. The more outgoing and confident. The better.

If Madara’s laying her in his bed, she’s going to have to be a very patient woman. This man can go for hours, and a woman who can appreciate his stamina without complaint is high on his priority list, possibly good for breeding. Madara needs to fuck her this way, ok? A test drive so to speak. It’s just how he does it, raw and unadulterated lust. He also won’t tolerate a quickie like some men.

Obito:

Its no secret that Obi, bless his soul, is the black sheep Uchiha. The quiet ones are easier for him to talk to, not because they’re touch starved or anything. But because they are legitimately sweet and soulful. A woman who is confident won’t really make him feel nervous. But what he really wants is to kinda be taken care of, tenderly.

He definitely doesn’t like loud noises or sudden changes, so the more ground and constant, the better. So a woman who has a temper, is not for him. He might get riled with a little spice, but Obito definitely doesn't and won't be a push over, even he has his limits. Obito thrives in a static environment where he can make mistakes without being treated like a child, even better if she babies him a little. I'm sure there is a mommy kink somewhere to explore.

And in bed, he’s a total mess for her, does whatever she wants. If she wants to be treated like a pillow princess and owned, he'll be man enough for it. If she wants to make him beg underneath her, that too.

Shisui:

Shisui 🥹🔥 he’s so fiery!! Definitely is turned on by a woman who is into self care. Bonus points if she agrees to partner stretch with him, it's so hot being able to feel her this way and not sexually...yet. Someone who eats well, the occasional bad food here or there isn’t a problem, but damn if she’s into good diet and exercise, sign him up and don't forget, sparring is like foreplay for him. So, if she ends up pinning him down (like he planned all along), he’s gonna be so desperate for her. And she has to be loyal; to him, to the village and morality.

As for in bed? Their chemistry is so far off the charts, neither one can keep from switching positions. I really think Shisui is one of those men, like most Uchiha but on a different level even to his family, that can go for hours. Just because he can and because he likes to see her all fucked out, it's different from her usual mouthy self, which reminds me. She needs to be just as spunky and spontaneous as he, maybe not on the same level, but a woman who is down for whatever is the best kind of medicine. Especially for a man with the whole village on his shoulders.

Itachi:

I love him, he's such an old soul. They say opposites an attract and while I think he would like someone like himself, I also feel like someone who could keep him on his toes a little. If she's a scholar, this is perfect. Itachi would really enjoy someone who he can discuss world politics with. Not too in-depth, but casually. That level of self awareness the sharingan gifts them with can often leave many Uchiha feeling mismatched, but someone who has wits to his is a godsend.

As for in the sheets, Itachi is someone who is very reserved when it comes to matters of the flesh. Trust and sex go hand in hand, he's not like Shisui who can stick it anywhere, pretty quickly too, (he once told Itachi he used a spaghetti squash as a fleshlight). Trust is earned, gained and has to be absolute. Once this is accomplished, he's so damn tender. The softest moaner, but he does it right in your ear. Hearing and seeing you enjoy sex with him is what ends up getting him going harder. Even better if you speak your desires as he rearranges your insides. As time goes on, you learn what a closeted freak he really is and end up in the false atmosphere of his Tsukuyomi.

[oh-no-its-bird]

Team 7 gets zapped into the warring states era but it's like, team 7 either mid or directly after wave-arc.

They're babies!! They're untrained little babies!!! None of them have gotten that good good character development yet!! Kakashi is still actively desperately wanting to not teach them!! (tho he may have just gotten his "ahh fuck. I actually have to teach them, huh." Moment)

Sasuke looks like a carbon copy of a younger Izuna and it's going to cause problems

Naruto thankfully doesn't look much like an Uzumaki, but his tendency to very loudly introduce himself is going to get him into trouble

Going w my usual flavor of "the Hatake are a very small but very famous clan known for being fucking insane", people are seeing Kakashi and going "oh god oh fuck what are one of THOSE guys doing here oh sage preserve us please don't eat me" as Kakashi just kinda stands there like 🧍‍♂️

Sakura is the only one safe from not being fucked up and over her clan, good for her!

-> back to the Hatake thing.

The kids still know virtually nothing about their sensei so they're learning all this stuff about his clan and believing every word of it, from the believable rumors to the insane.

Sakura, in a hushed, worried voice: "Sensei,, is it true ur clan eats people??"

Kakashi, who's father died before he could tell him almost anything about their clan and genuinely doesn't know but at this point is starting to get a little worried about it:

Kakashi, who also never passes up the opportunity to fuck with someone: "only stupid little students who ask stupid little questions <3"

Sakura and Sasuke: *worriedly look at a confused Naruto*

For convoluted reasons they run into the Hatake of the era and after introductions they look at the kids and are like,

"Oh!!! Ok, so this is your kid, right? :)" pointing at Sakura.

And Kakashi is like. ",,no."

"Ohhh, ok. So this one is your kid then?" *points at Naruto*

",,,,,,,,no."

They look at him confused then nod at Sasuke. "So then that one's your kid, right?"

"None of them are my children."

*visibly disapproving / disbelieving side eye*

One big difference between this and the team ro time travel one is how much less trustworthy Kakashi comes off to literally everyone who looks at him.

He's a trained adult shinobi, probable bloodline thief (with no way to prove his innocence), and he has 3 children from 3 different clans (2 of which are indirectly enemies bc the Uzumaki is a Senju ally) (1 of which might have a direct relation to the Uchiha main house) and comes from an infamously volatile "wild clan" from another country entirely (Iron country)

He is NOT getting out of this with talk no jutsu bullshit. He has a target on his back from day 1 and it will take a minor miracle to get even a single person hear him out

Anyways uhh—

Saying Tajima and Butsuma are still alive but due to die in some months (till team 7 accidentally interfere and somehow accidentally save Tajima, maybe also Butsuma but I'm more biased towards Tajima so I'm thinking just him actually)

Kakashi sees baby Kagami and feels like he's been hit by a truck bc he looks just like a miniature Shisui and he has hang-ups about his "suicide"

Half-Hatake Tobirama is catching HEAT from Kakashi's antics. Why does one of ur cousins have a sharingan. Where did he get those children. Do you know anything about this. Is it your duty to help hunt him down bc hes your blood. If not yours then it's definatley the Hatake's, call them immediately and tell them to clean up their mess.

Bloodline theft is like THE ultimate no-no for all shinobi, especially in this era. To the point that even ancient enemies will sometimes temporarily set aside grudges to kill bloodline theives. Kakashi is so fucked, someone get him out of there

Mmmm there are like still bits and pieces of thoughts floating around in my head for this but I can feel myself getting distracted and want to get back to art fight so I'll leave it here for now

[yowyowyaoi]

*Tobirama holding his crying baby*

Tobirama: Oh god … I knew it, I’m terrible at this!

*Hashirama and Madara walk into the house*

Hashirama: Tobi! Where’s Izuna?

Tobirama: He’s asleep. Don’t wake him, please; he needs a very long rest, he’s exhausted.

Hashirama: You don’t look all that much better, brother. Why is my nephew crying like that?

Tobirama, tiredly: I have no idea. I changed him, I tried feeding him, singing to him, making funny faces, rocking him … nothing works!

Madara: *holds out his arms for the baby* Let me take him.

Tobirama: *hands him over* Well, it looks like you were right, Madara. I’m an awful father! He never cries when Izuna holds him, but he won’t stop when he’s in my arms.

Madara: Oi; don’t be so hard on yourself, Senju. This baby is half Uchiha, it needs the Uchiha method to calm down.

Tobirama: The Uchiha method? What’s that?

Madara: *balances baby in one arm, uses other hand and holds it up to his mouth*

Madara: Katon! Gōkakyū no Jutsu! *blows a fireball at the curtains*

*the curtains ignites and the baby stops crying, stares at the flames traveling up the curtains, and then giggles and waves it’s hands around*

Hashirama: Good job, babe! *kisses Madara’s cheek*

Tobirama: Uchiha … what the hell?! In the first place those curtains were expensive! And second, I can’t do that even if I wanted to! So how —

Madara: *hands baby back to him; baby immediately starts crying again*

Tobirama:

Tobirama: … has anyone got a lighter—?

[asukaskerian]

monthly word count - february

TOTAL: 7 422 words. progress! thank u meme friends.

POSTED: ( !! there is something for once!!!!) -Foretold by the Gods Scum villain's self-saving system - mobei-jun/shang qinghua arranged marriage (1 899 words) -To End a War - grimmichihime arranged marriage AU (2 089 words)

IN PROGRESS -cherry wine (2 783 words) (damn tobi, it was supposed to be a SNIPPET) -bleach suburban ot4 (651 words)

I am. Satisfied. It's still not a huge wordcount but lots of progress on cherry wine and TWO oneshots posted!!! gasp.

-- cherry wine -- A very small price for building trust with the Uchiha, he reminded himself. Hashirama was going to be so annoyingly happy at him.

"No. Don't tell me. Go tell the target."

Hanazura looked troubled. "Ah... Hairball guy?"

-- Note to self, do not choke. "... Yes."

"Uh. Hm. Hmmmm. Okay, that's another mission though. For the shooting the messenger aspect and other difficulties."

"You already negotiated for risks associated with the -- hm. Hairball clan."

It was very good that Muneharu-kun did not report directly to his brother. Hgh. Embarrassing.

"Yeah," Hanazura said, and then nothing else. Her dog looked up and said laconically, "One more mission."

... Tobirama really wanted to know what they had found out.

He had already decided not to ask, though. "A small mission."

"... Uuuugh. Hrm. Fine. I already fleeced you with the initial price anyway. Customer service!"

Muneharu-kun looked more incredulous with every passing second. Tobirama snorted at them both. Ridiculous children. "Fine. Sold." He took a kunai stamped with the Senju crest from his pouch and passed it to her. "For his and his brother's ears only. Tell them who hired you. I'll be seeing your clan head when you're done."

"Yessir, going straight away! Ooh boy. Fun. If I die my mom will have your liver for a snack, okay?"

"Fair. Go."

-- suburban ot4 --

"They're being weird, right."

Nelliel's whisper is as quiet as she can make it, coming out from the corner of her smiling mouth. Hime is buckling the kid into his booster seat and Ichigo fussing with the futon mattress to fit into the trunk, and they're not exactly not speaking, but--

"No idea what you're talking about," Grimmjow deadpans, and goes digging into his ear with his pinky, eyelids bored-low. Yeah, he's lying. She elbows him; he narrows his eyes. "Dibs on the front seat."

"Dickhead. Dibs on Hime's lap, so there." It wasn't even a serious contest; he's too tall to share the backseat unless Hime sits on his lap, and she might combust first.

It'd be cute, mind. Orihime gets so flustered. Grimmjow making his smoldering bedroom eyes at her with his chin hooked on her shoulder, hands on Hime's -- ooookay, the random pangs of horny can fuck off to the same place the random vomit crises and pee emergencies have been going, actually. Barring full on military campaigns her crotch is out of reach under Planet Baby Bump and it can stop sending her updates any day now.

Grimmjow folds himself into the front seat without ever replying to her, which is only one more clue that she is right and things are weird.

[mixelation]

some of the reborn au stuff i was working on

context: tori has applied to an internal chunin promotion, and instead of just giving it to her, minato was like "nah, go do the next exam in kiri. it'll be good pr for konoha if you're in the tournament, which i want you to just win. oh, but do it using really obvious and flashy fuinjutsu. and don't melt anyone we don't want to seem scary. idk you should try to be, like, cool and charming for potential clients"

so tori has made herself EXTREMELY stressed over this because while everyone else in her life is like "yeah obviously tori could beat the shit out of any random genin" she habitually underestimates her self. what if there is a deidara or an itachi in the tournament. ever think of that???

anyway this is introducing the other konoha-nin involved

****

Tori arrived to her meeting spot near Konoha’s front gate with two minutes to spare, take-away latte in hand. The genin of Team 2 were already there, looking distinctly nervous. 

They are so small, Tori thought with some anxiety. What if the Kiri-nin metaphorically tried to eat them? Actual thirteen year olds were vicious things, but they were also delicate little babies. Would Tori have to save them? 

“Hey,” she greeted. “Team 2? I’m Tori, the other genin.” They stared at her, nonplussed. Oh no, they’re scared little babies, Tori thought with some trepidation. “Er– where is your sensei?”

“We just got word he has meningitis,” the girl of the team said, sounding upset. She had the cute round face and the orangey-red hair of an Akimichi, flowing over her shoulders in two braids. “The messenger said someone else would be assigned.”

Tori squinted at her. Okay, yeah, that sounded… bad. 

“Viral or bacterial?” Tori asked. All three genin stared blankly back at her. Had she slipped up? They had different and fewer pathogens here. Maybe they only had one type…?

Oh, no, maybe thirteen year olds just didn’t know the difference.

Tori had no idea how one recruited a Jounin for a mission this long, this last second. In theory Minato could command ninja to do whatever he wanted, but he also seemed to operate under the policy that better treated ninja got him better results. There weren't a lot of people who would just be okay with being told one morning they’d be in Kiri for over a month, plus travel time in both directions. She imagined they were about to be set up with some sort of weirdo from ANBU.  

They only had to wait another fifteen minutes for their replacement Jounin. 

Oh my God, Tori thought as she stared at him.

“I’m Uchiha Shisui!” Shisui aimed his introduction at the team of thirteen year olds. He beamed at them, flashing his teeth. Compared to the little genin, he looked more like an adult than a gangly teen. “I’m looking forward to getting to know all of you. Let’s all get along.”

He took a moment to eye Tori’s latte with what she assumed was regular Uchiha judgment. She tightened her grip on it. She needed this latte, okay? Lattes were the only thing keeping her sane nowadays. 

The kunoichi of the genin team was blushing as she stared shyly back at Shisui. Tori felt tempted to pick her up and shake her. 

“Why don’t you all introduce yourselves before we head out?” Shisui said. “Because this is so last minute, I didn’t get a chance to brief myself on any of your backgrounds. Have any of you run missions outside Fire Country before?”

Tori knew this question was aimed at the actual children, because Shisui obviously knew all about Team 4’s missions and where she’d grown up via Itachi. The wording that he assumed they all hadn’t still made her hackles rise. 

Team 2 hadn’t ever been out of the country for a mission, it turned out. Akimichi Himi, the blushing kunoichi, said she’d gone on a month-long trip with her parents last year to research cuisines in Rice Country. 

“That’s super cool, Himi-chan,” Tori said, perhaps too loudly and quickly. God knew Shisui wasn’t good at not dismissing the incredibly interesting and rich lives of young ladies. 

Himi looked at her like she wasn’t sure why she was talking. Tori shut her mouth.

The two boys on the team were Kato Tetsuro and Uchiha Shouten. Shouten also seemed flustered to be speaking with Shisui. Tori had no idea why. Weren’t they cousins?

“I’m Tori,” Tori said when her turn came. “I’ve been outside of Fire Country before. Um, let’s see, I’m running solo because my genin teammates were already promoted. I already took the exam once, so I’m happy to answer questions about it.”

“But you failed?” Shouten asked, raising his head to eye her in incredible judgment. 

Is every Uchiha an asshole? Tori wondered. 

“Failing a chunin exam is sometimes more about politics than a ninja’s quality,” Shisui said smoothly. Well, at least he wasn’t condescending every time he opened his mouth. 

“Is everyone ready to head out?” Shisui asked. “Don’t worry. We can take this trip slow and steady. I want you guys to tell me more about yourselves.” 

And slow and steady they did take it, walking out of the village at a casual pace and then keeping that pace up for the rest of the day. Itachi would be having a meltdown. 

Shisui quizzed them on their specialties as they walked, since he’d been filling in as their mentor for the exam. His attentions were focused more on the young genin team, which Tori didn’t mind. He spoke to them like they were about eight, and if he used that tone on her, she wasn’t sure she’d be able to keep her tongue in check. 

When they breaked to make camp, Shisui went off on his own to scout the area. Himi immediately turned to Shouten. 

“Oh my gosh,” she gushed. “Shouten, your cousin is a total hottie.”

Shouten rolled his eyes. “He’s out of your league, Himi-chan,” he said. “Shisui-san is a genius. He’s one of the most decorated ninja in the clan, and he’s only seventeen.”

And too old for you! Tori nearly yelled at Himi. She knew it was normal for a kid to crush on older people, but… but!

“Do you think he could help you awaken your sharingan?” Tetsuro asked, and Shouten’s cheeks went red. 

“Never mind that!” Himi said. “Quick, tell me everything you know about Shisui-san. What are his favorite foods? The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, duh! Does he like girls with long hair or short?”

“I don’t know him that well,” Shouten griped, stretching his legs out in front of him. His face remained red. “The Uchiha clan is pretty big, and we’re not closely related. Plus, he’s like super famous. He’s the only one Itachi-sama ever hangs out with. He’s that good.”

What the hell is happening? Tori wondered as Tetsuro leaned back on his hands and started to wonder out loud what kind of training they could get from such a prestigious shinobi that the Uchiha Itachi would deign to be buddies with him. How do these random children know so much about Itachi?

“Oh yeah!” Himi said, turning to Tori. “Aren’t you the same age as Uchiha Itachi? Were you in his class?”

“Uh,” Tori said. 

“Why would she remember?” Shouten cut in. “He graduated in four months.”

“Really?” Tori asked, surprised. She thought he’d been in there a whole year… 

“Do you really not know?” Shisui asked, suddenly appearing behind her. Then he said, in a decidedly more authoritative voice than he’d used so far that day,  “Did none of you make any moves to set up camp?”

The conversation switched to splitting up tasks. Team 2 obviously already had their own system, and while Tori would usually be happy to just sit back and watch other people work, she felt self-conscious about doing it on their first night in front of Shisui. She was pretty sure Shisui saw her as full of herself and overconfident, and she wouldn’t give him more support for that theory. 

She ended up prepping ingredients for dinner under Himi’s command. She didn’t know how she ended up being bossed around by a little thirteen year old, but… well, what was she going to do? Tell an Akimichi how to cook? 

Over dinner, Shisui turned to Tori and asked, “How’s R&D?”

Tori was surprised that he’d both known her current station and also cared enough to ask. Did… did Itachi talk about her? She felt a flash of warmth at the idea. 

“It was a bit of an adjustment,” she said slowly, acutely aware of Team 2 also listening in. She wouldn’t go into why it was an adjustment, not with Shouten staring between her and Shisui that intently. “I’m going for promotion with the hopes of heading my own projects, actually.”

Shisui frowned slightly. “You couldn’t just get an internal promotion? Your mission record has got to be strong enough that you’d get one no problem.”

Shouten’s look was intensifying as he tried to unravel the conversation they were having. Shisui’s posture stayed loose and casual, like Shouten didn’t look like he was attempting to awaken his sharingan as he spoke. 

“I applied, but… um, Hokage-sama told me to do this instead,” Tori said. 

“Ah,” Shisui said, like that made total sense. “Yeah, okay. I thought it was weird he’d be taking you off R&D for a whole month…” Shisui suddenly straightened, flashing a smile at the rest of the genin. “The chunin exam is only a month-long commitment if you make it to the final stage. It’s no big deal if you don’t! Like I said, politics are a big part of these exams. Even your little hero Itachi failed his first exam.”

“No way,” Shouten exhaled. 

“Yep,” Shisui said with a wink. “By the way, Himi, this is really good.”

Himi preened. Tori considered tossing her dinner in Shisui’s face. She didn’t think Shisui was a slimeball who’d purposefully encourage a kid’s crush on him on, but also–!

The after-dinner talk turned into the other genin quizzing Shisui on missions he’d been on, and who the coolest ninja he’d worked with were. Shisui was incredibly vague in most of his answers, as ANBU missions tended to be super classified, but he had no problem dropping a handful of famous names, seemingly just to see the genin’s faces light up. ANBU operatives had tears of anonymity; basically everyone knew who Hatake Kakashi was and that he was a captain, for example. 

“Itachi is like a legend,” Himi babbled. “He’s two years above us, so he graduated before we started, but all the senior students talked about him.”

Shouten glared at his sandals as she talked, clearly… jealous, or something. Poor kid. 

“Oh yeah,” Shisui said, turning to Tori, who’s mostly been sitting out of this conversation. “How did you of all people not know Itachi graduated early?”

“Look, I knew he graduated early,” Tori said. “I just didn’t realize how early. Four months, seriously? You’re lucky he knows how to read.”

Apparently this was a disrespectful thing to say, as Team 2 all looked stricken and then turned to Shisui with wide eyes. Shisui just laughed good naturedly. 

“‘You of all people’….?” Himi repeated. Then she brightened. “Tori, are you a fan of Itachi?”

The tiniest smirk crossed Shisui’s lips.

“Yes,” he said. “The biggest fan.”

Fuck you, Tori thought. 

xXx

Tori did not bother to correct anyone on their assumptions about her and Itachi, mostly because she predicted that would turn the ten day trip even more awkward. Tori did not like the idea of anyone being impressed with her social connections, rather than Tori’s own accomplishments. She kept her mouth shut on her genin team. 

Himi did very smugly ask Tori for her crush list more than once. They were– technically– physically Himi was only a year younger than her. This would be a normal way to bond. But it also made Tori low-key want to scream. 

(Tori almost said Kakashi as a way to make Himi stop asking. He seemed like a normal target for a ninja celebrity crush, and she knew enough about him to have a conversation. But also, if that ever somehow got back to him, she would actually die.)

“How is Deidara not famous?” she did mutter to Shisui one evening while they were washing out cooking ware together. 

“I think they’re probably too young to be paying attention to the really interesting gossip,” Shisui replied. “Maybe you should hype him up. I’ll back you up that you’re a huge fangirl–”

Tori splashed water at him. “Oi!” she said. “Why did you even do that?”

Shisui flipped a pot over, pouring water back into the stream they were sitting on. 

“I thought you might not like them losing their minds,” he said. “I figured– like, if you didn’t like it, you could have just corrected me.”

This was… true. She did prefer it this way, if they had to talk about Itachi. But also: she still didn’t like it. 

“How is the entire world obsessed with him?” she wondered. 

“Beats me,” Shisui replied. 

They made it to Kiri midday of day ten, right on time. Kiri was surrounded by a thick, blue-gray stone wall. The individual stones were not uniformly cut, yet every irregular angle and nook fit perfectly into the neighboring stone. It was impressive. 

There was a guard outside the main gate, specifically for the Chunin Exam. Shisui chatted with her briefly and handed over their papers. Someone was called in to lead them to their accommodations, and while they waited for their tour guide, the guard lectured them on their rules of conduct for the stay. 

It was better than the rules they were given in Iwa. They could actually look around parts of the village, and they were getting an actual hotel room instead of abandoned dorms. No one patted them down for contraband. Shisui was handed a stack of food vouchers, good at any restaurant. 

Then something happened that Tori should have anticipated, but had been so stressed over other things that she hadn’t given it much thought. Kisame showed up to be their guide. 

“Really?” the guard asked, eyeing Kisame up and down dubiously. “Don’t they have better things for you to be doing?”

Kisame smiled, all friendly but showing off pointed teeth. Shisui straightened up, and the other genin shuffled nervously. Tori had no idea if a genin would recognize Kisame, but they’d definitely recognize he was a giant blue shark man. 

“I volunteered,” Kisame said. “I’ve met one of the entrants before. I was curious.”

Shisui’s eyes immediately shot to Tori, almost accusing. 

Oh, they really didn’t brief you, huh, Tori thought. She attempted to communicate this at him with her face. 

“Well, whatever,” the guard was saying. “Konoha, this is Hoshigaki Kisame. He’s one of our Seven Swordsmen. Be polite, or he’ll eat you.”

Team 2’s collective faces went pale, and Kisame laughed. 

He led them into the village, and Shisui stepped forward to lead the Konoha genin, walking at Kisame’s side. He introduced himself to Kisame, making small talk as they walked. Tori watched them, wondering how much Itachi had talked about Shisui to Kisame, before. Kisame was usually pretty easy to read, but he was also habitually polite. It was difficult to tell if he was being friendlier with Shisui than he would anyone else. 

“Iwa was an… interesting experience,” Kisame was saying, and then turned his head to flash his teeth at Tori over his shoulder. 

“Extremely interesting,” Tori agreed. “I hope this exam is comparatively boring.”

“With you here?” Kisame teased, and Tori felt her face go hot. 

“I’ll have you know that I’ve been explicitly ordered to be peppy,” she replied. 

“Peppy?” Shisui repeated, dubious. This was clearly news to him. 

“Are any other entrants here yet?” Tori asked, directing the conversation away from herself. 

“You’re on the earlier side,” Kisame replied, and then he made her work to get as much info on other teams as she could out of him. 

Kisame pointed out their hotel, and then took them on a walk around the surrounding neighborhoods they were allowed to wander freely. It was, as far as Tori could tell, a largely civilian part of town. But it was pretty and comfortable, she thought; she’d always liked all the greenery and little canals Kiri had running through it. The mood of the people they saw on the street was overall happier than when she’d last been here, eyes following them more with curiosity than disdain. Kisame had done a good job saving his village from civil war. 

The outskirts of the perimeter had some training grounds they were allowed to use, as they’d arrived two days before the start of the exam. 

Finally, Kisame said, “And then… well, technically it’s not inside the perimeter, but I could still show you…” 

Kisame had been largely directing his tour guide speech to Shisui, but now he turned to Tori, grinning down at her knowingly. 

“Have any of you genin been to a beach?” 

****

for anyone of you who picked up the moral inconsistency between tori being annoyed at shisui for potentially (though not intentionally) encouraging himi's crush and her own treatment of mangetsu....... yes <3