idk if its mental illness but it's getting to the point where negative talk of the character bright is causing depersonalization moments so bad that I'm questioning who I am, but I know I feel sad and upset. That I feel a voice saying "I'm not like that."
The fandoms interpretation, and tales like major tom, are salvageable.
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i hate it when i do something so well, but people fall blind to the way i shine and don't compliment me. i just did all that and you looked past me like im a mere ghost when i know im so more than that.
the world doesn't deserve me.
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into the deep end - 29k T orufrey fic.
the sweet oblivion of the victim, the poisoned freedom of the other.
for one moment - it had felt like two parts returned - the needed reunion of two disparate halves. no more secrets, no more pain.
the moment you get to give back what you never wanted to take. that moment, under the night-blooming flowers, when they had both let out the same single broken sigh of relief.
but they were never whole to begin with, were they?
qifrey swore he wouldn't say 'sorry' to this man any more if he could help it - sorry is cheap now. he didn't want to be in a position ever again where you only have 'sorry' left. so he just looks down into the threads of his blanket, strains his eye until it hurts, feeling his insides - his throat, heart and head - burn with pain. he expects more, but olly says nothing.
olly says nothing.
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"Maybe i'll post the wip here idk" i have no restraint and honestly do like how it looks so far SO Mikan drawing wip before i pass out :3 rbs off solely bc its a wip and . Idk actually i just dont want my wip getting rb'd atm lol but feel free to comment if you'd like :3
(also pls dont make weird comments about Mikan here i hc her as a minor)
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every time i see the word "delulu" i cringe so hard its like hooooly fuck
those ppl would hate me and my "everyone can read my mind im always being watched/theres bugs crawling on me all the time/someones going to kill me" bullshit LOLLLL
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adhd meds pros: finally do the work I have to do, no longer mentally paralyzed
cons: the anxiety and paranoia is getting so much worse
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one of the biggest things i had to come to grips with art wise is that i can do realism pretty well but just completely fail at anything stylized. sure i can make a pretty picture from what i see but what does it matter when the only thing people take from it is "waow so good thought it was a picture" yeah its a compliment but its one that makes me feel awful bc i realize i do not want my shit to look like a picture. i FUCKING SUUUUCK at drawing and that isnt me being hehe quirky artist who says they cant draw and actually can i mean this shit is difficult as fuck and nobody would understand the extent to how awful i am at actually drawing unless they see me try to. all of my finished pieces were absolutely painstaking and i see ppl do the stuff that takes me many hours much quicker and with more personality with about the same experience shit makes me insane i am trying to learn but my god its like my brain just does not want to cooperate with me it makes it so so hard because i just have an awful mental block. genuinely used to just draw effortlessly (albeit not as well so at least i AM improving somewhat) but now even the simplest shit just overwhelms me. idk what it is. i like to think im pretty good with paintings but god it is so so difficult to do what i wanna without it taking far too long. i am so jealous of ppl who can do quality sketches on a whim. ive noticed i do a lot better blocking out a silhouette and then drawing lines over that when i sketch. makes me think im just not very line-brained?? stupid way to put it idgaf its 5 am. Truly the best thing has been drawing on a shared canvas or on stream idk why it works but it does it just kinda lets me actually make something. i dont wanna just whinge and cry about it but it is truly aggravating and so deeply frustrating to feel like im regressing in my ability to Just Draw because its undoubtedly a psychological thing. ive just been in this rut for yrs now its awful. thinking about buying a sketchbook again tbh
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i actually cant believe junior year is real. i kinda resigned myself to the fact that it was never gonna happen but i kept hoping and oh my goddddddddddddd
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wow. i wish i was any way other than the way that i am but there's nothing to be done about that i suppose
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Me: I will not get involved in discourse, discourse is the mind killer, I will not make Roy's job (Anger Holder) harder, I will not attract the attention of the endo tag
Also Me: If I see another post trying to separate Having Alters from the idea of Being Mentally Ill under the guise of "positivity!! :3" the others will have to physically restrain me so I don't skin that person alive
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