#god i love this halfling so FUCKING MUCH

[definitionofacritter]

Liam (about Orym during this week's 4 Sided Dive) said:

"he's just a sorta average guy trying to do right"

"he can't do anything except for run and jump"

"he really felt like a failure"

Matt, in response:

gave Orym a memory of Will's presence

gifted him a brand new magical weapon that he gets to name himself

did both of these things through the Wildmother herself

Matthew Mercer heard that Orym was feeling downtrodden and lesser and went this is not allowed, and I for one thank him for it even though it is destroying me on the inside—

[its-mekjt]

watching exu prime, and oh my god, I'm trying not to cackle or else I'll wake up my siblings.

● orym and opal, dorian and dariax. every dms worst nightmare.

● ash hole

● opal shouting into thin air

● new hairdos (orym gets frosted tips)

● DARIAX PRETENDING TO BE HIS EX

● nancy.

● "but as my friend said, we have other offers to field and other people to see. very important people that we've been discussing going to see for quite a while do maybe we SHOULD GO SEE THEM." dorian was STRESSING.

● 'orym shoots dorian a look that a spouse gives to a spouse'. this is where the dorym shippers were born.

● i love when people (opal) are correct but phrases it weirdly

● "for you i could take off another 150 gold" // "okay, 900 gold got it is."

● butt stab

● orym really is the only one with a braincell. mainly by process of elimination.

● 'that's all good though. 3.'

● glitter diaper

● dorian fucking with dariax saying that he's from a long of trapeze artists and jugglers is still one of the funniest things ever

● 'what's your last goddamn name opal.'

● THE CONTEST

● dariax cosplaying as dorian

● "if you were a GEM what would you be and why?" // "i'd be a peach jam."

● dorian and dariax using the cloak and wearing each others clothes as an outfit is one of my favourite bits

● ashley johnson's laugh is addictive. i love it so much.

● opal kissing dariax cause he messed with her opponent.

● "what's your favourite flower?" // "probably oleander because it has multiple purposes. they're beautiful, they smell great and you can also kill someone if you need to."

● orym being DRAGGED on stage

● "WILL THE HALFLING LOVE, OR WILL THE HALFLING DIE?" (he did die, just a few months later)

● BEST NATURAL 20 EVER

● "DARIAX- oh the jam boy."

● people hitting on dariax gives me LIFE

● "in fairness you seem to be a little confused much of the time."

● whiskey and milk

● 10 GOLD WORTH OF PIES.

● "what's a unifying quality?" // "well, we're all pretty attractive."

● "you're not where you fell asleep." // "oh! that's... a problem."

● "i heard the voice of the spider queen giving me power but you know, nothing to worry about."

● fyra rai is contemplating EVERYTHING

● combat ended because they flipped it over

● 'i rolled a natural 1.' launches dice

● night time lullabye of hot cross buns

● dorian is mothering everyone

● titty racks

● "what is a tal'dorei."

● ALCHOHOL applause

● dariax has a good ass

● mister has performance anxiety

● "don't touch me, stranger! ew!"

● ashley's impression of dariax doing a double take at real-opal while disguised as opal

● "what head, Nancy?" HORROR MOVIE SHIT.

● orym's face as he carries the head. HILARIOUS.

[ailendolin]

Live reaction to TRoP 2x04

I am actually so glad Amazon is releasing the episodes weekly now because I love the anticipation beforehand and all the speculation about what happens next. So let's see what episode 4 has in store

Elrond in Mithlond! We're off to a great start here. I've missed my sweet summer child in episode 3

Galadriel, please, you have no right to be even the slightest bit bitchy right now after the Sauron shit you pulled

thank Eru Elrond is having none of it. I love how unapologetically he stands his ground and refuses to engage with her childish passive-aggressiveness

epic camera shots are epic and very LotR-reminiscent

also can I just say that I love how they're including the map to help the viewer get a grasp on where the characters are?

new elves! And they have names! I have a feeling they won't survive this journey but still, hello new elves!

man I just want to give Elrond a hug. He's trying so hard and given everything that's happened it's completely understandable why he won't trust Galadriel and Nenya, and I hate that this sets him up for failure

oooooh is it Tom Bombadil time? I can't believe this show made me feel excited about a character that I couldn't have cared less about when I read the books. I blame Bear McCreary and his beautiful music

lol Tom is like one of those burrowing animals that accidentally throws dirt at someone behind it while digging

Old Man Willow desert equivalent - does Tom Bombadil just naturally attract malevolent trees?

oh I'm so glad Nori and Poppy are okay and landed together wherever they are

those two need to meet Elrond. Given their tendencies to jump off cliffs, I think they'd get along splendidly

omg Nobody! I love you! You are adorable! And your name is Merimac! Gods, I hope they'll keep you around

lol not Nori third-wheeling and being jealous

desert halflings my beloveds! Look at them! They're so different from what we've known and yet them living in holes and the children sitting around listening to stories is so beautifully familiar. I love this so much

oh they're Stoors! And they don't like the Dark Wizard. Got it. I don't like the Dark Wizard either but damn I love watching Ciarán Hinds play him

"You should not be waking." :) I still can't believe how much I love Tom Bombadil already

GOLDBERRY!

that flame trick was neat

omg his little hedgehog teapot! I want one!

oh no this is where we say goodbye to my new elf friends, don't we? The Barrow-downs. I always loved this part in FotR

"Fear not. Dead men are no threat." Famous last words

shit those are the horses from the messenger Gil-galad sent, right?

the Barrow-wights are giving me PotC-vibes and I'm here for it

please let Camnir survive this. Please let Camnir survive this

thank you, Elrond. I knew I could count on you

also yay for him being a bookworm and knowing how to fight the Barrow-wights

and we're back in Pelargir. Have I mentioned that I don't really care about Theo (yet)? I love that Arondir and Isildur are teaming up, though

Estrid, I don't like you. Please go away. Or get trampled by an Ent

or found out by Arondir. That works as well

have I mentioned that I miss Bronwyn?

Arondir, you're a kinder man (elf) than me. I would have let Estrid faceplant right into the dirt

lol Isildur is such an idiot and I love him for it. The way he got sucked into the mud and pulled Arondir along with him was so funny

hello mud worm! I love how many different creatures we're getting in this show

the cave art! Omg it's beautiful and perfect!

"We don't have a home." This is such a sad sentence and reminds me of the dwarves (and especially Bofur) in the Hobbit movies

Galadriel, I'm sorry, but Elrond just told you he is trying his best to save Celebrimbor (and certainly feels overwhelmed by and terrified of such a task) and you're saying all elves carry such burden? Are you serious?

fuck me, not Elrond getting captured in her vision. Is he going to be forced to watch Celebrimbor get tortured / killed?

I will not be okay if / when that happens. Just saying

also I absolutely adore Camnir and you can bet I am already thinking about writing a fic about him and Elrond

not surprised by Estrid's stunt

shoot her, Arondir. Do us all a favour and shoot her

or maybe she actually is stupid enough to get herself trampled by Ents. One can hope

getting smacked is good too

Arondir, please, was it necessary to stop the nice Entwife?

damn those shots of the Ents look pretty

also did anyone ever think we'd get to see an Ent and Entwife together? Because I didn't and my heart is full.

oh that scene between Arondir and Winterbloom was beautiful

the orcs look so good in this series. I'm so glad we went back to prosthetics

I love how calm Elrond is. He is always careful not to rush into anything, always waits and sees and it keeps saving all their asses

NO! Fuck, are you kidding me? Not Camnir. Please, not him

okay, I have forgiven you for everything you've ever done wrong, Galadriel

and I have so many Elrond and Camnir ideas right now, holy shit, that scene was everything

that flaming arrow move was badass

oh this is how she will get captured

yessss hello Adar! I've missed you! Time for Sauron's exes to team up and wreak havoc

his greeting, I can't. Perfect. I love him so much

what a great episode!

[grigori77]

Critical Role, Season 3 Episode 106

Czepeku? Oh boy ... please tell me it's another fantastic fake advert ... PLEASE let it be a fake perfume ad ... oh boy ... yes, yes yes yes ... YES!!! Holy fuck ... whoa, Ashley you don't have to go THAT HARD ... fuck me she's so hot ... that was SO FUCKING GOOD ... I'm so happy with that one, that's WAAAAAAAAAY too good ...

Also Matt's t-shirt is gonna be SO FUCKING DISTRACTING, I swear to the dark gods ...

Yeah, we're all SO HYPED for Legend of Vox Machina season 3. I'm just hoping Rothuss is gonna be in it. I want Kerrek to be in the new season SO MUCH. Let Keyleth have her sweet and kindly uncle figure, it's so worth it ...

THE "IT HAS BEGIN" SHIRT!!! SHAME ON A SHIRT INDEED!!! He is NEVER going to live that down and I love it so much ... XD

"Modest collection" ... snort ... yeah right ...

Attunements and messages ... yes, smart ... getting through to Ira, then ... this should be interesting ...

Oh here we go ... Imogen: "He's down to play." Uh-huh ...

Meet up with him at Morrie's? Oh yeah ... yeah, that would DEFINITELY be interested ... wait ... Fearne thinks they might've had ... liaisons when she was home? O.O

Two expert liars going head-to-head ... FEARNE wins that toss? Fascinating ...

Heading to Nana Morri's in the morning, then ... okay ...

Ira remembers her ... OH. MY. GAAAAWWWWWWWWD ...

Bedtime, then ... meanwhile Fearne goes hunting for the superfan ...

Oh dear ... I wonder if him considering that egg "priceless" make her decide to just steal it on general principal ... oh, she's going THAT route? I'm sorry ... "stories of his CONQUESTS"?!!! Excuse me? O.O

Persuasion check? With a stupid high DC? 15? Balls ... yeah, I didn't think that was gonna work anyway ...

She's gonna steal it now, isn't she? Yup ... "Look how good they are ... ALMOST." LOL

It's not even locked ... WOW ... Raiders of the Lost Ark ... yeah ... and now she's trapped ... oh boy ... yeah, I saw that coming too ... this is really kind of adorable ...

He's praying for guidance to be forgiving ... wow ... yeah ... religious types ... LOL

Laura: "Are you dead?" Travis: "Oh ... yeah ... hold on ..." For fuck's sake ... O.O

Oooh! Breakfast! Goody!

Wait a second ... IS THIS A FUCKING HERO'S FEAST?!!! Oh, and that is a BURN right there ... Fearne, you deserve that ...

Laudna, that joke fell VERY flat ... yeah ...

"Top of the Pops" ... oh my gods ...

Yes, you are, Chet. You're starting a fucking cult ... O.O

"My liege" ... holy fuck ... Chetney: "I got lieged!" XD

Tiny carved peacock figurine, fully articulate ... that is fucking FIENDISH ... damn right that boy has been brought to fucking TEARS ...

The fifth egg ... oh boy ... what have you done, Matthew Mercer?

"Misery", by Dreven King ... LOL

The Birthheart ... and Keyleth! Yay!

Oh yeah ... plans for a quick escape, if needed ... yeah ... oh, and supplies! Yes. Also helpful. And yay! She's got 'em covered, of course she does.

Just a big fat bag of coins? Holy shit ... of course, I mean ANYTHING for her favourite halfling, of course ... :3

550 gold ... HOLY SHIT ...

Yes. Give that to Orym. Definitely. Tank the Wee Man when needed.

The mechanics of communication between the Prime Deities and the Betrayer Gods ... hmmmmm ... yes, a Religious check is probably wise ... roll well, Riegel ... 15 ... oh for fuck's sake ...

Laudna: "Open ralationships are in right now." Wow ...

To the Fey Realm, then? Or ARE THEY gonna shop first? Straight to Nana's place, then ... okay ...

Marisha: "Keyleth's more fun that Allura." Matt: "Allura's got strong ... like, sprinster vibes." XD

Another tree portal! Fearne: "Such a fun way to travel."

Yup ... first time in the Feywild for Dorian and Braius ...

Chetney gets some fey wood ... yup ... that's definitely on-brand ...

Ligament Manor! Yeah! This should be fun for the noobs ...

That is a ... CREEPY owl ... Laudna's loving it, of course. Meanwhile Dorian's keeping a brave face on while he's inwardly FREAKING OUT. Of course he is ... meanwhile Imogen's trying to keep him chilled out as she can ...

Oh fuck ... the flowers again ... please don't start screaming this time ... O.O

Braius is ROTTING THE GROUND where he steps ... of course he is ...

Dorian's playing music ... oh, the Cantina band music from A New Hope? Cute ... Matt: "We can't clear that." XD

Great. That's stuck in my head now ...

There it is. One of the creepiest houses in all the Realms ... how's Blue Boy gonna react to THIS?

Of course she just screams out: "NANA!!!"

The voice ... I have missed that phenomenally EXTRA voice ...

Here we go ... I can just IMAGINE Dorian's eyes getting wider ... and wider ... Robbie's face! It's priceless! XD

Greetings, Dorian. This is going to live in your nightmares for DECADES. And the second mouth ... Dorian: "Oh, grandma kisses are always wet!" LOL

Wwo ... oh, she LIKES the minotaur ... and is Sam making Braius' voice EXTRA low right now? LOL ... oh, this is too priceless ... wow ... he is actually FLIRTING right now, I love it ... oh yes! Drinks! Drinks are good, yes ...

Nana: "You're so CUTE!!! Where are you FROM? You smell like shadow and bad choices!"

Ah yes ... of course ... we should've REMEMBERED that this sudden success of Chetney's must be down to the deal he made with her ...

What are the chances Fearne really DOES have a second face down in her marsupial pouch?

Imogen (to Braius): "Do YOU have siblings?" Braius: "... I hadn't thought of that." LOL

THE TIKI BAR!!! YAY!!!

Oh ... dropping the news that Ira might be dropping by ... oh ... this just got interesting ... that's a very ... UNEXPECTED reaction from her there ... hmmmmm ... O.O

Insight check THE FATESTITCHER?!!! Seriously?

Bountiful luck ... Laura: "I reroll ones? Just because you're NEAR me?" O.O

Yeah ... the death of FCG ... I really didn't need THAT wound reopening just yet ... thanks for that ...

The weird dead Ruidian ... THING in the jar ... yeah, Laudna would be reluctant to part with THAT ... oh, a trade? Yeah, that'd probably work better ...

Oh shit ... enter the Nightmare King ... here we go ... oh, so he's LITERALLY just come STRAIGHT from the Red Moon ...

That is a VERY unsettling handshake ... O.O

She's giving him the COLD SHOULDER ... I love it ... and making out like Braius is the new boytoy ... XD ... that's hilarious and adorable in the freakiest way possible ...

Ira: "I like boom-boom." Oh boy ...

Noooooooo ... Braius, you didn't ... that is SOOOOOOO BAD ... I love that so much ... LOL

Ah yes ... Nan Morri, you old flirt ... it's adorable and deeply unsettling ... and now Pate's getting in on the act too? Wow ...

Oh wow ... a flimpse of Morri in her youth? That's just FASCINATING ... and also pure nightmare fuel, of course ...

Yeah ... Nana and Orym ... okay ... how's THIS gonna go? O.O ... do I need to worry?

Birdie! Oh my gods! Awwwwwwwwww ... :3

Fancy magic lens-glass necklace? Cute ... and probably a little lucky too, I don't doubt ...

Getting to it, then ... hmmmm ...

Nine freaky long-necked six-legged spectral horses ... freaky shit ... okay, then ... oh, they can FLY? Of course they can fly ... wow ...

Oh ... good question ... how old IS SHE?!!! Oh wow ... the return of "time is a weird soup" ... :3

Thankfully, Chetney doesn't literally make a horse's arse of himself ... XD ... heading off into the wilderness with Fearne in the lead, then ...

Oh dear ... Fearne doesn't know WHERE they're going ... of this is embarrassing ... but atleast IRA does ...

Nana Morri slaps Braius's arse as they leave ... oh boy ...

Wondering what Braius looks like from the waist down ... dear gods please defend us from dirty minds ... LOL ... just kidding ... XD

Time for a break, then ...

Beacon is a "non-invasive subscription" ... XD

Marisha LITERALLY channeling Laudna for a moment and forgetting that she is NOT an undead creature as she cracks her neck ... oof ... O.O

Pass Without a Trace? Oh these things?

Starting to reel off Japanese junkfood names for their horses ... oh yeah, with this crew I am NOT surprised ... voice actor's man ... XD

"Spread your legs ... I mean your wings ..." Oh dear ... well done, Matt ... Ashley: "I was spreading my legs all over town ..." LIam invokes the shirt once they're all dissolved into a cackling mess ... XD

Time to hide, yeah ... nd they need to REIN THEIR RIDES IN too ... oh boy ... this is not good ...

The trees are DANGEROUS ... fucking hell ... they're actually getting CUT UP riding through this shit! Oh dear ...

Imogen Temult, Horse Girl ...

Ashton literally DESTROYS a fey bird when he runs into it ... ouch ...

Coming to a stop, then ... and the horses go POOF!!! Great ...

Orym is as lithe and skilful a climber as ever, then ...

Wow ... this place is GORGEOUS, even in its state of decrepitude ... and that is one BIG ASS temple in the middle of it all ... yeah, looks like this place has beenm COMPLETELY abandoned ... just a whole lot of CORPSES ... OLD ones, looks like ...

Dragging Fearne up onto the wall like a sack of potatoes ... oh dear ... XD

SOLDIERS!!! Watch out for that ... potential trouble, then ... looks tricky, that ...

Hunter's Bane? Hmmm ... nothing iffy here, looks like ...

Pass Without a Trace ...

Chetney and Imogen climb down to sneask into the town itself, Dorian following with Ira taking up the rear ... and Telepathic Link between the group? Smart ...

Fearne trips and makes noise at the WORST POSSIBLE TIME ... oh shit ... O.O ... is this gonna be a bad thing? Yeah, that hawk can't mean anything good ... balls ... Laudna makes Pate turn invisible and sends him after it ...

Dead elf ... hmmm ... Grim Psychometry? Really? Lovely ... oh, this can't be good AT ALL ... something truly HORRIBLE happened here ...

THE WATER? That's what did it? They were all POISONED by something in the water? Something monstrous? Charming ...

So they're definitely based IN the temple, then ...

Big black dog ... with a human face ... well that's ... unsettling. That can't be good either ...

Battlemap? PLEASE tell me this is just for REFERENCE ... that we don't actually NEED THIS ... hollow prayers, I know ...

That is a fricking SWEET set-up, though ... O.O

At least the bone-rat has high stealth ... except when Marisha rolls proper BALLS ... 7? Oh gods ... yeah, there's NO WAY they could've possibly missed that ... and then he APOLOGISES for being clumsy. OUT LOUD ...

NOW Dorian remembers he can turn Invisble ...

The Monocle of True Essence with Arcane Eye ... okay, then ... Chetney, what do your non-elf eyes see?

Matt: "Chet's way off --" Marisha: "Yeah he is." Oof ... XD

Sneaky sentries? WITH crossbows? Crap ... that's not good ...

Dorian's having trouble getting the hang of communicating through the Telepathic Link and it's adorable. XD

Some winged invisible thing wrapped around the side of the temple ... oh shit ... yeah, OF COURSE it's fucking Gloamglut! Great ...

Ludinus! You asshat! Great ... and of course that has to be Zathuda with him ... meanwhile whoi's this other guy with the soldiers? Another Unseelie elf, of course, but ...

Load-bearing pillars? The fact that Matt SPECIFICALLY described them as "load-bearing" ... yeah, that could be useful somehow ...

Ira Wendigoth, jumping the gun ... of course he does ...

The mini! The Ira mini! It's so cool! O.O

Working out what they can actually DO ...

Chetney wolfs out and goes Invisible ... and puts on his fancy flesh armour ... eww ...

How the hell can LIAM O'BRIEN possible have rolled TWO NAT1S on Stealth in a row? I didn't think that was possible ...

Chetney lands two hits and CRITS a third ... ouch ... he's just gonna straigh up MURDER this poor bastard ... 23 for the first and 19 for the second ... the last is the decider. HDYWTDT ... yeah ... oh, that is BRUTAL ... like I said, straight up murder ...

That's right, Dorian can't cast without dropping his Invisibility ... be careful, Robbie ... he tries to Charm it? Wow ... and it WORKS ... holy shit ... this freaky dog is WEIRD ... wow ... he's actually trying to convince it to just GO STRAY ... what the fuck even IS THIS SHIT right now? O.O Oh my gods I can't believe that ACTUALLY FUCKING WORKED ...

And now this other guy's GOING AFTER IT ... crap ... and he sees Dorian ... BALLS!!!

Braius throws Silence upon him ... okay ... then ImogenPsychic Lances him ... good thing the guy's DUMB ... fuck that's a lot of dice ... how much are you about to hurt this guy, Laura Bailey? 25 points of Psychi damage? OUCH ... he screams and NOTHING COMES OUT ... crazy ...

Laudna pulls a Chill Touch on him by remote? Using one of the bodies ... oh fuck NAT20!!! Holy shit ... 38 ... oh yeah, DEFINITELY HDYWTDT ... she just gets the dead hands to DRAG HIM INTO THE GROUND like in Drag Me To Hell ... holy shit ... O.O

More Silence ... okay then, Ira ...

Meanwhile the third guy's starting to twig ...

Chetney and Ashton both hit him simulataneously ... Nat20 from Travis ... this is going CRAZY well so far ... Matt: "How do you guys wanna do this?" Of course! Fucking hell, Chet ... that is NASTY ...

What's Ira doing? O.O ... oh, he just freezes them both on the spot ... so Orym just rushes in with Ashton in tow, Braius following their lead ... Orym Misty Steps in close while Braius Silences them ...

Orym Crits on his target because he's Paralyzed ... 30 damage for the first hit, 24 on the second, 32 on the third ... yeah, he kills the poor bastard on the spot. Ouch ...

Ashton Crits ON TOP of his ALREADY Crit ... wow ... he does the Cosmic Space Rage and it goes all red ... Taliesin is DOING MATHS ... yeah, that's yet ANOTHER HDYWTDT ... he grabs him, pounds on him, drops him THROUGH A WORMHOLE and then drops him thirty feet out the other sid to the ground ... oh that is NASTY ... poor bastard ...

So that was ... remarkably easy ... now they just have to deal with whoever's INSIDE ...

MORE furtive planning on the next stage and what they can actually DO ...

Oh, so there's an ARGUMENT going on inside? So everything is not so merry in there? Orym listens in ...

Yeah, this DOES sound a bit frayed ... clear disharmony ... whoever this is, they're clearly uncomfortable under Ludinus' thumb ... oh, so it's ZATHUDA who's straining at the leash? Wow ... that's even MORE fractious than we hoped it was ...

Decision point ... so Laudna just casts Animate Object on the statue of the ArchHeart within ... oh boy ... O.O

Gloamglut touches down HARD inside ... meanwhile the other fey etc. go rushing in after ...

They're all just attacking the staue, then ... IMogen and Laudna go in, Imogen flying through a window, Fearne rushes in after, looking for the pillars so she can try and collpase them ... meanwhile they're all distracted, the dragon especially ...

Oh, is Matt getting another Battlmap? Oh, he is! Cool ...

Cue YET MORE plotting and prepping their next moves as they get a bearing on the fresh ground ...

WOW that Gloamglut mini is INSANE ... Ashley: "Look at him! He's so cute!" REALLY?!!!

The statue is just SHATTERED ... okay then ... NOW what?

Further planning, planning, planning ...

Time's running out, clearly ... Fearne has SECONDS left to do SOMETHING ... she bamfs Mister out to channel through him ... smart ... she unleashes her spell and turns the floor into MUSH ... and of course EVERYTHING starts to collapse inwards ... so she starts running back out ...

Imogen unleashes her Telekinesis to pull the pillars down quicker, while Ashton burrows in using his Titan form ... it's all just pure confusion ... while the dragon spots her ...

And then Matt calls it a night! Shit! What does that mean? What further madness does he have planned?

[sorcerous-caress]

Worldbuilding and human kink? Is it my birthday /lh. This has me googling “halfling sex” and being a little surprise someone has thought about it enough to write a generously large paragraph.

Apparently it’s not uncommon for them to have more casual sex with close neighbors and friends indulging in it together. I genuinely think it would be hilarious for a halfling with a human, elf, drow, orc, dwarf, etc (the more uptight races) friend/neighbor to ‘seduce’ and then being very friendly and kind, but not exclusive or even inherently romantic.

Halflings 🤝 Humans

Being horny on main.

Oh my god imagine a poly relationship that's a human who thinks this is a casual friends with benfits deal, a halfing who thinks everyone here is just friends, and one high elf who acts as if they're robbing a bank whenever they watch the human go down on the halfing.

Add a dragonborn who is sweating over which one of those people is gonna end up as their mate for life, who isn't phased by the sex but it's the romance part that's considered a big taboo in their culture to even date someone for love, so imagine seeing more tha one person?

High elves being sex repressed 🤝 Dragonborns being romance repressed

Also I really love world building AAAAA i wanna invent shit and make shit up and shake it around like a snow globe. I believe elves went to the moon much sooner than humans with just magic, dwarves have found fallen space rocks and meteors and used them to forge their weapons, winged elves or any species who can fly already mapped the world and drew all the know maps before humans even learned how to tame horses.

Also the horses is funny, elves has seen them all their lives but never bothered to tame it because it feels weird yk? Why would they ride on an animal, plus their cousin is a centaur so it feels even more weird.

Then they see the humans coaxing the horses with carrots while holding a saddle behind their back, skip a few years and suddenly the horse population skyrockects as humans steal this one animal to their side.

Imagine being a wood elf and in harmony with all of nature, then glancing over at the human city and feeling very confused on what these weird wolves are and why do the humans call them dogs, also why are they obeying the humans and holy shit that one is wearing bowtie.

Occasionally humans just wander into the forest, spot an animal that seems semi useful then kidnap it back to their city, suddenly their population spikes and they're the new best friends of humanity.

It happened the other way with cats tho, the wood elves remember overhearing two cats talking about the hairless apes wandering around and how one was betting the other that they can get them to share their food by just screaming at them.

Humans probably inspired their cuisine based on halflings' recipes since they didn't add soul consuming spices for fun like elves and didn't sprinkle in literal gem and gold dust like dragonborns.

A human with a Halfling neighbour who comes over every other day to share their stew because "they accidentally made too much and can't possibly finish it all themselves so how about you grab a bowl or two, human?"

One day the human makes a joke about how they're a simp or going to horny jail, whatever modern shitposting meme is trending, and the halfling takes it seriously and offers to sleep with them.

I mean, that is basic neighbourly hospitality to them. Of course they will fuck their friend who is in need, you don't even have to ask twice, come here and lay down and they'll take care of you until satisfied.

Now their trips over to your house are twice as frequent, half to feed you their cooking, other half to sate your lust appetite.

[justablah56]

I’ve been thinking,,, about the Team Dads™️ meeting. Finbar and Bileyg would be such good friends. Both of them love their wives more than anything and it makes me so happy

for real !!!! they would totally be dad friends and just happily talk about their families , Bileyg talking about how much he misses his family and finbar talking about him being away from *his* family while he was adventuring ,,, finbar being maybe a bit nervous about actually *having* a kid and bileyg telling him about his daughter's ,, also finbar proudly talking to bileyg about the rest of the per aspera crew would fix me I think .

but also the height difference would be so fucking funny oh my god- little halfling bileyg who is like 3 feet tall , and giant kin firbolg finbar who's like 8 feet tall . it'd be so funny I love them

[boywifesammy]

sam winchester just doesn’t fit. he lives life between two worlds; too strange for normal people but not strange enough for his family. he’s passionate and nerdy and kind-hearted. he’s trusting but terrified of losing the little that he has. he’s been looking from the outside in for his entire life and no matter how hard he tries, he can’t change that.

imagine growing up like that. never in one place, constantly moving around, surrounded by fear and family secrets and things that go bump in the dark. imagine always being the new kid, getting weird looks in the hallways, growing up in hand-me-downs and dingy motel rooms and having an alcoholic, revenge-obsessed ex-military dad who’s never around. being raised by your big brother and never being able to explain to anyone what family means to you. that they’re your prison and your curse but also everything you have, because you never stopped in one place to keep anything else.

and on the inverse, imagine being the black sheep in a family of hunters. imagine wanting autonomy and safety and being shamed for it. sam is a dreamer at heart. he loves reading and human connection and moral philosophy. he wants to be good above everything else. he’s a bleeding heart who gets far too involved in cases and feels the pain of everyone else too strongly.

imagine wanting to play soccer instead of shooting at things that want to kill you, and being berated for it. wanting to get an education and being belittled for it. wanting to get free of it all, wanting to make an honest life for yourself and have companionship and a stable career and a family that trusts you as much as they love you and being told that if you leave, you’re never welcome back.

sam tried so fucking hard to fit in at stanford, and it ended with his girlfriend burning up on his ceiling. he tried to be a good hunter, and instead became the boy king, a demon-blood halfling, an abomination, a monster even in the eyes of his family.

if you can’t save him, kill him. if i didn’t know you, i would want to hunt you. sam has always been more monster than human or hunter. always. he was a monster at school and a monster at stanford and a monster on the road with dean. he was stuck between worlds and floundering for any bit of reassurance that god hadn’t given up on him.

yet even through that, he was still kind and loyal and motivated by good will. he wanted to see the good in everything, even in the monsters he hunted. he wanted to give them a chance, because he wanted so badly to believe that he wasn’t a monster either. he knew how it felt to be bad to his very core yet still want to do good. he GOT it. even when the world hated him, he still always tried to do the right thing.

sammy’s a big, cuddly, bleeding-heart monster and i love all of him.

[genderlesssinner]

Prepare yourself for more of my rambling bullshit

I apologize this is gonna be LONG as I just spew my thoughts while watching

Oh right Liliana is here I forgot this is where we left off OOF

The Weave Mind built the fortress, okay okay okay

Burrow Site?? Ah the dig to the cage

Oooh no he's using Liliana for the projection??

Oooo fae info dump

Are the Unseelie part of how Ludinus does the widespread projections? Or is he just rallying the troops

I am both stressed and love how eager Travis always is for things to go poorly

So much teleporting if they do this and going to the Fey is time fucky so that could be bad I hope they remember that and maybe Morri can still help with that?

Istg Travis. That die roll is gonna get Chet one day and no one is gonna believe it at first cause he fakes out so much

"we're not interesting enough for that" TAL

Part of me really hopes they turn the Sorrowlord fully against Ludinus but I also don't want that sombitch anywhere near Fearnie

Always walkin and talkin, or they would never get anywhere. Ever.

This meeting should be interesting.

WHO ARE THE OTHER DRAGONS MATTHEW?

I know my love, J'mon is one. Who are the other two.

Love having telepathic bond, hell yeah Imogen

GET IT LIL MAN dayum WHO IS HERE MATT AAAAA THE WHISPERSSSSS

Braius apologizing to Fearne is hilarious to me Fearne is the last one to be picky about relationship stuff yet he kissed Imogen and it it's fine lol

TALIESIN IS SO INTO THIS I love Taliesin's reactions to everything omg

"shut up baby I know it" LIAM LEMUR O'BRIEN

I have so many mixed feelings about all of this wow okay

Thank you for stopping them Matt

My boys? WHO DID YOUR HALFLING EYES SEE ORYM?

Oh no oh um is that papa Wyvernwind?? It iiisssss oh shiiiiiiitttt

Hoo boy, those are big ass golems

WHO IS THE SILVER DRAGON MATTIE

Oooh man I love these absolute chucklefucks

The beacons are lit

Cerkonos!! Fuck yeah. Ashari!

Vex is like fuck the politics we have to *stop* this

Everytime they say Sunder King it sounds SO FAMILIAR and I can't remember it's driving me bonkers

That is one hell of a name Matt

Oh SHIT the dragon Zone of Truthed the whole damn place ooooff

Oh shit Braius of of everyone being able to lie? That totally won't bite is in the ass WILL IT SAMUEL?

VOX MACHINA ASSEMBLE BITCHES

OH SHIT the fucking bright queen vouching for the mighty nein shiiiitttt if she only knew

Taliesin: happy wiggles

Oh poor kiki dealing with all these assholes on top of everything else

Dorian thank you oh my god I was sitting here like Ash pls I love you but this one time keep your opinions to yourself you beautiful dumbass

Oh no

Okay maybe it's okay that Braius can lie ...maybe

Many months = two whole days

A GUY WHO MAKES Chairs crying

"what's the Platinum Dragon's mother's name?" Hoo that throwback

Oh boy Sam is making something Canon rn

Interesting okayokayokay

Oh Ashton oh no

Oh. Okay. No I'm vibing with this though.

Fearne flashing the room would be hilarious

"quick spin the bottle" XD

Oohhhh showing them is uh an interesting choice right now with the uh exhaustion that comes after

Fuck shit I missed a bit because technical issues hell

Oohhhhhh hh my sweet bard boy

Robbie is such a wonderful story teller ugh

Orym blue screening over Dorian and his horsedragon, love him

Chet is gonna wolf out ain't he.

Tiny sexy breath 🤣🤣🤣

Aaand there it is. Ope he's not actually changing okay okay

OH SHIT TITLES OH MY FUCK AKXBSUHVG

I totally got distracted and missed something said but it's fine I'll watch again Monday

Chet

Oh

What

Where's papa Wyvernwind

Yeeeeeee

I forgot his name is Bronte

Yeah no tracks okay fuck.

Break time! More rambling fuckery in the second half yall

Go use the bathroom and get drinks and snacks

[alpaca-clouds]

Fantasy and Racism

For those who have not heard about it yet: There is a very racist and queerphobic game mod for Baldur's Gate 3. A mod that basically removes all queerness from the game as well as modding all non-white characters white. All obviously under the excuse of "but that is realistic because medieval fantasy world". Which is bullshit. I talked about it before. But it is bullshit and we all know it.

It is one of the reasons I so rarely engage with a lot of high fantasy media. Because so much of it - especially of course the big franchises - kinda succumbs to this idea of a very white, very straight, very cis medieval period, in which disabled kids probably are also like killed by the time of their birth or get "fixed" with magic.

Of course there is diverse high fantasy out there. But definitely the "norm" for the genre is something else. Now, of course there are works that still work in themes about this (The Witcher most of all), but yeah... A lot of high fantasy media LOVES TO HIDE behind the "oh, but that would be wrong historically!" excuse.

And as someone who is a history nerd, I never stop to get super angry about this. The middle ages were actually fucking queer and there were a lot of people who lived openly queer. We know about medieval trans folks, too - and given the fact that we know about less than 1% who lived during those 1000 years - there were a ton more.

We also know that there were people from Africa, the Arab world and Asia living in medieval Europe. Some of them have come there with the Romans, others have come there for research and trade. (The first European person in Japan, was a Roman, by the way.)

Meanwhile most of fantasy is very unrealistic when it comes to things like how society works or how HISTORY ITSELF works. Like, so much of medieval Europe was directly influenced by how Roman society, Christianity and the indigenous cultures of Europe interacted. But guess what? Most fantasy worlds do not have something like Rome in their background, do not have an institution like the Catholic Church, and also do not have any indigenouity. Your average fantasy world was born with folks having medieval technology and over the next 2000 years are very unlikely to develop past medieval technology. Which is very, very unrealistic. But guess what the folks who whine about gays in their medieval fantasy do not complain about?

And that is of course without going into the most obvious stuff: There were no elves in medieval Europe. There were no dwarves, no halflings, no gnomes, no orcs, no goblins, no dragons, no magic, no... Do I need to go on? And there was also not a big group of people running around raiding some old graves and ruins (which were also trapped with all sorts of magic and what not). And indeed there were no gods that threatened to END THE FUCKING WORLD at least once per decade.

Heck, speaking about Baldur's Gate 3 itself, I am more frustrated that there are not more non-white persons around. Like, the only east Asian character I have interacted with was Cazador as far as I remember, and that... is not really great representation, you know? Like, I would have liked to have another non-white companion at least.

Especially as... Well, Faerûn/Toril is not the real world. So, for fuck's sake. The folks within that world can crossover as much as the IP holders want them to.

I mean, fuck. You know what exists within Faerûn? CHOCOLATE! Something that not only was not available in medieval Europe because the beans grew in the Americas, but something that in the form we associate with it was not invented until the 19th century!

Just, yeah. Fuck people who complain about "historical accuracy", because something is diverse and includes rep. Just fuck them.

[thatsparrow]

post-honor among thieves thoughts

a delight!!

truly, a fun fantasy film with all the right blends of serious stakes and goofy missteps that is so emblematic of playing dnd

one of the things I was most curious about going into it was—given that so much of dnd is a) collaborative storytelling and b) ultimately determined by dice rolls, how would those elements of unpredictability translate to a scripted story? (which I suppose is not new to dnd-based media, there have been novels and the 80s show, but those aren't things that I've consumed.) and like. yes the story was pretty predictable overall, but I did like that there were moments of abject failure scattered throughout that really captured the vibe of rolling a nat 1 (it was also very fun to half-watch it through a lens of, oh, this person would be rolling a deception check right now. this person is succeeding then failing on a bunch of acrobatics checks, etc.)

it is. so very fun to me that bards are categorically also spellcasters, and yet they did not let chris pine do one damn magical thing, that lute was a melee weapon only

michelle rodriguez barbarian my beloved (also like, in terms of balancing references to the game with still making the movie accessible, part of me was expecting/hoping to see some visual indication of her going into a rage, but I did like that they didn't tip the hand quite that much while still making clear during fight scenes that, oh, she definitely has some rage-fueled strength right now that is allowing her to yeet a dude across a courtyard)

seeing all the spells and wildshaping was incredibly fucking cool!! that may have been the bit I was most excited about, and it did not disappoint—doric's whole infiltration and then escape of the castle was so good. the displacer beasts. the mimics!

sir that's just a portal gun

the comp het was so funny. look, I really loved both justice smith and sophia lillis but cmon guys. there was nothing there

although speaking of, edgin and holga as determinedly platonic best friends raising a child together was an absolute delight—the bit when edgin says to kira like 'I'm not trying to bring back your mom but my wife' bc yeah!! kira's mom is already right there!!

halfling bradley cooper having a clear type of 'women twice my size who could break me in half' is so valid

god paladin regé-jean page be still my heart (although yeah, the paladin as a straight-laced LG humorless type is not the only way to interpret the class, but I thought it did make for a nice contrast w the rest of the party)

but also his armor! I thought the costumers did a great job of giving them all designs/looks that spoke to their classes. truly, the visuals of the whole movie were so cool—not just in terms of the aesthetics, but the framing and movement of the shots, too. very dynamic, very fun to watch

overall, a genuinely good time!!

[angryducktimemachine]

He is getting really worked up about those books.

The whole Jurgen Leitner Harrison Campbell rant was provided by the fantastic @franzis-frantic-thoughts.

(yes we know it says Howard. Hamid is too angry to remember names.)

ID under the cut because it’s a bit longer

[ID: two digital, fully coloured drawings of Hamid from Rusty Quill Gaming, ranting about a book.

Hamid is a brown-skinned, egyptian Halfling with dark, curly hair. He is wearing a purple three-piece-suit and is holding a purple book titled “When Passions Collide”. In the second drawing he has orange glowing eyes, scales across his cheeks and sharp claws.

The text above him says: “HOWARD CAMPBELL??? STUPID IDIOT MOTHERFUCKING HOWARD CAMPBELL GODS DAMN FOOL BOOK PUBLISHING DUST EATING RAT OLD BASTARD SHITHEAD IDIOT BARD OF THE WHORE BIGGEST CLOWN IN THE CIRCUS LAUGHED OUT OF TOWN AUTHOR MOTHERFUCKING HORWAD CAMPBELL STOP RECORDING ME WHEN I TALK ABOUT HORWAD CAMPEBELL I HATE HIM SO MUCH WHY DOES HE SELL SO MANY FUCKING BOOKS WHY DID HE DECIDE TO HAVE HIS CHARACTERS FUCK AROUND JUST LET THEM BE SINGLE IS HE PINING IS HE A BASTARD MAN HAS SUCH A VISCERAL AFFECT ON ME NOT EVEN IN THE ROOM NEVER SEEN THIS MANS FACE AND I KNOW HE HAS THE WORLDS SHITTIEST BEARD

[Zolf from the side: Actually his moustache was fine, thank you.]

GET AWAY FROM ME! if i wanted to get into an afterlife plane and one of the gods said horwad campbells waiting inside i would breathe fire at that gods feet for the sole purpose of getting sent back down

[Azu from the side: Hamid!]

if i have to deal with horwad campbell speaking one word in person on voice in this pub not only will i close the pub i will burn it down out of spite and well all have to move somewhere else for the experience of being somewhere where he was not i dont even know why i hate him so much. he writes books. but i am just mad because im aro he better have some fucked up backstory to explain this if hes just some rich shithead whos obsessed with his lost love and wanted to project on his otherwise solid characters ill go ham

[Wilde from the side: Ham-id]

BETTER have had a lover try and kill him cuz if he didn't im going to.

[Zolf, to Wilde: Wait. You don't think Bertie and Campbell...]

heres the tip jar Hope and Heart Hates Campbell book isnt even by him. vaguely mentions what is supposed to maybe be a reference and i lost it where the fuck is horwad campbell if hes still alive im going to so deeply wish he wasnt crusty old man ill claw campbell and his sad frail old man twig bones will simply flake apart under my epic huge dragon fist and he will disintegrate until all thats left is one final manuscript he kept on him at all times simply titled Now You Fucked Up in ancient draconic im not breathing im hyperventilating at this point

[Cel from the side: And breathing little flames, buddy]

i hope theres a date given for when campbel died or will die so i can make it a reminder in my diary everyday once a year i will see it and do anything but pay respects to the man who had so many love-at-first-sight books.” /End ID]

[its-mekjt]

Favourite parts of 3×95 (potential spoilers below the break)

PART ONE

▪︎ ashley's photo of sam

▪︎ chepeku ad. could have made me think it's a perfume ad.

▪︎ ESSEK THELYSS

▪︎ they got tusk love oh my days

▪︎ WOO HOO SHOPPING EPISODE

▪︎ oh my god, having parts of fcg/things that remind them of fcg in their outfits. i'm on my floor.

▪︎ lesbians with the matching corsets. it's a canon event i fear

▪︎ i just know that armoury went out for drinks that night

▪︎ the pumats + their existential crisis

▪︎ "HIGHWAY ROBBERY" (honestly surprised they didn't try to steal it)

▪︎ sugar daddy dorian storm (and Laura's face as he hands over 2,500 gold. I can just imagine imogen going 'mhm. that's gay'.)

▪︎ do the pumat's have a soul?

▪︎ "do you want- eh we're the same."

▪︎ chetney pock o'pea. maths wizz. high school maths teachers across the world are terrified of you.

PART TWO

▪︎ essek constantly misses leg day

▪︎ 28 persuasion to make essek join their sleepover

▪︎ DORIAN WANTS TO SEE THE SHOW SO HE WILL SEE THE SHOW

▪︎ matt's description of the show. i love it.

▪︎ laudna i love you, please come to the theatre with me and tell people to, respectfully, stfu with me

▪︎ ESSEK QUOTING CADUCEUS: it's not pain that makes people. It's love (crying)

▪︎ LAUDNA QUOTING FCG: it's good to make every day a smiley day (on my bedroom floor sobbing and throwing up)

▪︎ orym keeps looking to the right. (WHO'S ON THE RIGHT. SOMEBODY PLEASE REMIND ME I DON'T REMEMBER. LIAM O'BRIEN STOP MAKING ME SCREAM INTO MY PILLOW)

▪︎ YEAH, THIEVING IS THEIR LOVE LANGUAGE (why did i think ashton was gonna go for that fucking huge sword earring from the beginning of the campaign)

▪︎ "chetney's sitting in the front row, legs out, slumping in the chair, baguette in one hand, a bottle of wine in the other. fucking riveted." (that's an insight into my daily life)

▪︎ chetney and dorian are my two personalities while i'm zoned out

▪︎ love how they all thought it was kiri (i did too)

▪︎ chetney and his delusions + cloaca

▪︎ why did i think orym was going to get in the bag of holding

▪︎ i fucking love dorian storm. you don't know how much i love him.

▪︎ "i saw my mom mess with time." essek's internal monologue must have gone insane.

▪︎ marisha and robbie casually rping arts and crafts

▪︎ "you're kind of like his dad." "do not put that on me, please."

▪︎ ashley johnson doing the lords work. thank you. (essek thelyss you simp)

▪︎ wildMOTHER

▪︎ I KNEW THIS REMINDED ME OF SOMETHING. GETTING READY FOR A CON.

▪︎ YES ANIMATE OBJECT

▪︎ dorian's face when he's introduced to patê is giving: i have never wanted to be cyrus more in my life right now.

▪︎ emotional support faun and her damaged little halfling

▪︎ 17 strength let's go (beefy boy)

▪︎ laura bailey i am making the same face as you.

▪︎ WHO WAS MAKING IT RAIN. WHO.

▪︎ OH THIS BITCH. I HATE HER (delilah briarwood)

▪︎ nervously giggling

▪︎ travis willingham is a lover and instigator of chaos.

▪︎ liam o'brien giving advice. he loves this.

▪︎ i love this. orym, if anyone comes for you, get behind me. (he doesn't know this is laudna. he thinks he's getting fucked with in the middle of the night. HE CANNOT SEE FUCKING ANYTHING).

▪︎ YEE HAW INNER PARTY CONFLICT

that's all folks.

[zorlok-if]

if the zorlok cast were bg3 characters, what would they be and what kind of decisions would they make?

I'm assuming you mean who they would be in BG3 and not what kind of characters they would play. Also, hmm, don't want to give away spoilers here, so if you look below the cut you can see what I think they'd be up to (just beware of spoilers).

Tommy: Human, Level 9 Warlock (Fiend + Chain) / Level 3 Bard (Valour)

Dev: Wood Elf, Level 11 Rogue (Thief) / Level 1 Warlock (Archfey)

EJ: Human, Level 12 Sorcerer (Wild Magic)

Adam/Eve: High Elf, Level 7 Cleric (War) / Level 5 Paladin (Vengeance)

Lucía: Half-Elf (Wood), Level 7 Ranger (Gloomstalker) / Level 5 Rogue (Assassin)

Ciel: Lightfoot Halfling, Level 6 Barbarian (Wildheart) / Level 6 Druid (Moon)

Danny: Drow (Seldarine), Level 9 Paladin (Oathbreaker) / Level 3 Warlock (Fiend + Blade)

The Celestial: Aasimar Forest Gnome, Level 10 Wizard (Transmutation) / Level 2 Cleric (Knowledge)

Rose: Human, Level 12 Bard (Lore)

[Beware of Spoilers Below!]

Tommy

Not romancing anyone (obviously, he's 15)

Best friends with Wyll, Karlach, and Gale. Shadowheart is too cool for him, he's way too intimidated by her. Lets Astarion do whatever the hell he wants. Lae'zel scares the shit out of him. Adopted by Halsin the moment he meets him.

Just wants to hang out with the cool tiefling kids

Very easily persuaded by Raphael. Wyll and Karlach are constantly trying to talk some sense into him.

Aylin is the coolest person he's ever met

Sobbing his way through the horrors of Faerûn—I can see him in a little crumple at Withers feet, blowing his nose on Withers' decaying robes as bone daddy breaks the fourth wall and stares into the camera miserably

Eventually hardens into a truly terrifying force to be reckoned with (Karlach is very proud)

Tommy has two hands, one for Scratch and one for the owlbear

Dev

Romancing non-Ascended Astarion and fucking Halsin occasionally, Lae'zel and Shadowheart are xyr besties (xe forces them to get along), Gale amuses the hell out of xem, Wyll and Dev are constantly trying to one up each other's stories

It's either Ethel or Volo, whoever xe comes across first, but that eye's out of xyr head comically fast

Just wants to talk shit with Withers all day, hates that he never has much to say to xem

Wants to kick the shit out of Rolan but keeps saving his life somehow

Always covered in blood. Like it doesn't make sense half the time. How did that much blood splatter on xem? Why is it still on xem?

EJ

Absolutely head over heels in love with Gale, friends with and trying to fix everyone, Astarion terrifies them but they won't give up on him, they know there's a good person hiding beneath that veneer

Panicked and accidentally yeeted a gnome

Tried a tadpole once, wasn't for them

Holding Gale's hand and squinting through every dark space

Sleeps cuddling the owlbear and is always covered in feathers

Adam/Eve

In a relationship with Lae'zel, didn't get along at first but Laez grew to respect A/E and A/E was charmed by Lae'zel's... strengths. Shadowheart is their sister, hates it when the girls are fighting. Friends with Gale and Karlach. Doesn't trust Wyll fully. Never let Astarion join them. Immediately enamored with Halsin but Lae'zel is... stronger.

Normally out of spell slots cause they're terrified of long resting

Loves potions and alchemy, will stop every 30 meters to pick yet another sprig of balsam

Doesn't make deals with villainous beings. Doesn't trust any voices in their head. Doesn't respect any gods they come across.

Loviatar loves them

Lucía

In a relationship with Karlach, best friends with her and Wyll, had a crush on Shadowheart before meeting Karlach, never liked/trusted Astarion and staked him the minute he tried to put his fangs on her throat, Jaheira is her idol, probably left Lae'zel to die (cause she didn't want to upset Shadowheart)

Speaks to every single animal, picks every single lock, looks in every single barrel, fails almost every charisma check

Scratch is always by her side

Will go to Hell for her besties 😉🥲

Ciel

Dating Shadowheart, really close with Astarion and Minthara... But, seriously, they have a big redemption arc. They grow and change alongside Shadowheart, both goth edgelords are completely changed by the end

Starts the game eating every tadpole (like the Guardian barely has to suggest the idea, it's already in their mouth) but goes one step too far and suddenly becomes terrified of what it means to be monstrous(/illithid)

Diplomacy? Ha. Sorry, that's not for them. They only like talking to animals and corpses.

Loves permanently seeing invisibility...

A loot goblin, their high strength score is great for fighting and jumping and shit, but mostly for the increased carrying capacity

Mol is their idol

Danny

I'm honestly not sure who they'd be in a relationship with, I think they'd be close with everyone but I don't think they'd be in a headspace for anything more than friendship over the course of the game, maybe after the fact they'd grow closer with Shadowheart but that would just be my headcanon, they wouldn't romance anyone (no matter how much Withers mocks them for it)

They are doing everything they think is right in the moment, though they'd regret rash actions later

They empathize greatly with the undead and hate people like Balthazar who twist them to their will

No one threatens a child in their presence. Well, no one who's still alive.

They cannot pretend to be under the Absolute's thumb, they are going in swinging every time, no chance for diplomacy or manipulation

They pick up a teddy bear early on and it never leaves their inventory

The Celestial

In a physical relationship with Halsin, slept with Astarion but now they're just very good friends, sees Karlach, Wyll, and Shadowheart as eir children, loves and is very intrigued by Lae'zel, doesn't like Gale at all (cannot and will not trust a wizard like him)

Always has the Disguise Self spell going, and it's always a different disguise

Eir traveler's chest is filled with the weirdest collection of random shit you've ever seen: noble portraits, rotten eggs, gold chalices, a couple goblin corpses, poutine, 30 mindflayer tadpoles, etc.

Chats with every corpse, even the ones ey killed

Lorroakan can (and does) eat shit

Despises everything about Orin, zero redeemable qualities—even her shapeshifting, eugh, it's so... crude, no grace or skill

The moment the Celestial learns Otto's Irresistible Dance is the last moment Faerûn knows peace

Rose

In a passionate romance with Wyll but he's very good friends with everyone (they are all his children)

Does everything within his power to avoid violence. Will charm, sing, and sneak his way across Faerûn

Adopts every child and animal he comes across

The hardest thing he has to do is tell people to stay in camp. Why can't everyone always be in his party? They all make him feel so bad...

Always taking long rests (doesn't want people being tired or hurt) and spends an hour cooking a delightful meal with Gale every night

[grigori77]

Critical Role, Campaign 3 Episode 100 (Downfall Part Two!)

ACTUAL SAM ad nonsense, this time. Okay, then ... awwwwww ... this is actually really cute ... Liam: "You're the fakest person I know ... you don't have a genuine bone in your body ..." LOL Yeah, that's it, nice save. That was actually quite adorable, even if Liam WAS a little ... less than SWEET with his choice of words. I'm looking at YOU, O'Brien. (I am joking, of course, for those who DON'T get irony ...)

Oh yeah, in truth Sam really HASN'T lost his touch and it's great. Even though it's at Marisha's expense ... XD

"And there's a POCKET!" The way Laura said that was too good ... LOL

Yeah, I expected the stand-up from Matt this time ... hello again, Brennan ... and he's as geeky as ever. I love it ... "Everyone's laughing it up but I am DEADLY FUCKING SERIOUS, okay?"

Chamber of Secrets? Yeah, no ... Brennan: "HBO! No, no, I'm sorry!"

So, the first roll of the evening ... 30? Blimey ... off to a great start, definitely ...

Oh, she's a JOLLY little halfling, isn't she? Yeah ...

The Emissary: "You. Made. Her. Saaaaaaad ..."

What happened in Vasselheim? That didn't sound good ...

An object wrapped in cloth? Something new, seemingly hidden but not well? Oh, that's suspicious. Careful with that, Ayden ... a prayer to "the family that we used to be" ... hmmm ... oh ... that's interesting ... someone's prayed to the Dawnfather here? Recently?

Hallis? Who's that?

An ARCHMAGE?!!! Intriguing ... oh, so it was to the Everlight? also interesting ... so it IS a book of the gods ... a really really OLD one ... whoa, this is PRE-Age of Arcanum? Wow ...

Locate Magic? Or a tracking spell? Hmmmm ...

Umleta: "Is this part of the plan, or are you asking me for a favour?" Trist: "Yes."

Oh yeah, go Raven Mother about-to-die second sight ... aha, so is this kid still alive? Is this something that Emhira COULD fix?

So there's a hospital close? That must be it, then ...

Yeah, I was thinking this too ... if they win an ally in this, they could circumvent a lot of greif in this plan ... Trist's plan could definitely make things a liot easier for them ...

Ayden: "I'm having a difficult time, I like him but also quite despise him ..." Taliesin: "Welcomg to Thanksgiving!"

Disperse and split up, then ...

Sphere of Invisibility. Okay ...

Oh ... a tragic love story? And I was already so compelled about Asha ... also I'm definitely liking that she's bonding with the Emissary ...

The Emissary: "Her first forest ... for you ..." Asha: "That would be a better gift. How typical."

Yeah, she really is hungry ... EVERYTHING'S hungry, apparently ... hmmm ... O.O

Wait ... a SENTIENT lock? Weird ... oh, is it some kind of Aeormaton? Cool ... did it just FLIRT with SILAHA? Interesting ...

Chorus? Okay ... of boy, wow, SILAHA is definitely a little too into this particular facade, aren't they?

So it's some kind of bizarre Aeormaton speakeasy? Weird ... and it's a bit kinky too, apparently ... O.O

Umleta: "You are a clown." SILAHA: "Go join the circus, then."

Apparently SILAHA is having trouble letting go ...

That Aeormaton/elven lesbian engagement was incredibly romantic, ain't gonna deny ...

Oh yeah, 4X is fascinating already ... a stiff? Hmmm ... milk and honey? Sounds suspicious ...

Crap ... the imp is onto them ... Emhira: "Imp ... in my boobs ..." SILAHA: "Oh dear ..."

Slith ... hmmm ... I would already die for this adorable little letch ... clearly he likes Emhira VERY MUCH ...

Command? Oh, here we go ... Wisdom save of 19? Okay ... nice ...

A planetar? So definitely an angel, then ... and SILAHA already has them under his thumb ... oh ... for one round only ... crap ...

Roll Initiative? OF COURSE ...

Hold Monster? Nice ... good choice, Abubakar. Brennan saves ... Abubakar: "I'm gonna use a Lucky!" Of course you are. XD

Shadow Blade and Boots of Haste combo means Laura gets another action ... so Emhira hacks away! 29 DEFINITELY hits ... 12! OF COURSE this thing bleeds gold ... and she's a Warcaster? Wow ... second attack, then ...

SILAHA is going to LITERALLY bend the reality of the space around them to trap this guy ...

Wow ... so that LITERALLY just ended JUST LIKE THAT ... cool. Yeah ... OF COURSE nobody else REALLY saw that ...

Meanwhile the door LITERALLY SWALLOWED the angel ...

Oh yeah, those two demons WOULD just brick it, wouldn't they? Nice defuse, at least ... and that's a break then so Brennan can take a dump, I suppose ...

Over to Trist and Ayden, then ...

Somehow I doubt he really NEEDED to PRAY n order to melt that lock ... mostly he was just doing it to be an arsehole, I reckon ...

Emergency, yeah ... definitely the smart word in THIS environment ... 21 persuasion? Yeah ... not here? I kind of doubt that ... and it doesn't SEEM like it either ... another persuasion check? 25 this time ... Ashley's rolling HARD tonight ...

Archmage Previn? Okay, there we go then ...

Oh, this play is FANCY, yeah ...

Here he is, then ... poor kid's in a STATE, clearly ...

Graygill's Wasting? Sounds nasty ...

Aha! This would be Previn, then ... Cassida? Yeah, first names might be smart right now ...

The book? Oh, okay ... that's a risky move ...

Okay, yeah, figured she was a worshipper.

Oh yeah, get rid of that cranky git ... Milo: "It ever follows."

Trist uses Lay On Hands to remove his disease ... is this actually gonna work? Oh shit ... is she too broken for it to really succeed? Hmmm ...

That's right, Previn, you're in the presence of the Everlight herself ... so the kid's HEALED and now has 70 hit points ... wow ... O.O

Hallis: "I'm hungry ..." Yeah, you bet his mum just bursts into tears ...

Milo! You massive prick! Teach him a lesson, Ayden.

Channel Divinity? So Ayden's just on a healing tour, then ...

Well, that seems like a very ... humbling lesson ...

So ... Archmage Previn is DIRECTLY involved in this great undertaking of Aeor against the gods, then? So this is potentially a VERY helpful development, then ...

Wait ... is she trying to SABOTAGE this weapon?

The Society of Primes? Sounds helpful ... maybe they DO have some allies here, then ...

Oh dear ... yeah, this might NOT work out how they'd like after all, then ... oof ...

Back to Asha and the Emissary, then ...

A lone single tree ... at once beautiful and foreboding, really ...

One more hour of their Sphere of Invisibility ... so maybe just try a stealthy infiltration, then ...

"A gift of the Golden Scythe ..." Hmmmmm ...

Well now ... at least the little things know to honour their patrons ... but also I feel VERY SORRY for these poor tiny birds, this is a HORRIBLE place to be trapped in ...

Yeah, looks like being sneaky IS the smart move right now, then.

Oh, that's just SWEET ... see, nature isn't ALWAYS cruel ...

And now the tree's talking to her too ... O.O

Brennan: "It is not only humans that worship." Yes indeed ...

Holy fuck ... Asha just made the tree SPLIT THE WALL OPEN with its roots. That is a fucking FLEX right there ...

Asha takes a twig from the tree for later ... ALSO smart ...

The Emissary: "Bird ... she bares her teeth ... but I know what Mother sees in her."

Tishar cleaves the pipe open and starts burrowing into it ...

And now we're back to Emhira and SILAHA ...

So ... questioning the angel, then ... they followed their commander here? So ... this is NOT the rebel angel that came here to offer up secrets, then? Interesting ... but clearly they are still a moody shit ... hmmm ...

SILAHA's actually trying to SUCK THE ANGER right out of them? Interesting ... 9 on a Charisma check? Oof ... yeah, that's roundly rejected, then ...

Acastriel? Is that the traitor, then?

So that happened, the ... the angel just CUT ITS OWN HEAD OFF ... lovely ...

Oh dear ... yeah, so Garathran, the angel, is now FACE TO FACE with the ACTUAL Matron of Ravens on the other side ... yeah, they done fucked up after all ...

Yeah, they are SCARED now, clearly ... but she's being SO SWEET even when she's bracing them for information ...

Here we go, then ... the much needed infodump ...

A DRAGON?!!! Sweet fuck ...

The bottleneck and the breaking point indeed ... the information HASN'T gone out yet ... so they COULD just nip this in the bud right here ...

They just vanish in a puff ... and all the knowledge floods into her instead ... yup ...

It's all happening ALL AT ONCE!!! Yeah ...

And meanwhile Taliesin and Noshir have to roll Initiative ... CRAP!!! Oh, now he's getting EVERYBODY to do it instead ... okay then ...

So they burst out of the pipe into a chamber ... oh dear ... two massive constructs bar the way ... crap indeed ...

Yeah. Kill the Archmage, then ...

The Emissary charges their energy up and makes a dash for the mage. The closer construct swings and VERY MUCH misses as they pass ... attack as a BONUS ACTION?!!! Holy shit ... two big axes form one larger weapon and they CHUCK IT at the mage ... holy fuck this weapon cleaves CLEAN THROUGH the sudden shielf spell and cuts right into its target ... a rune that says "Denial"? No shit ... 11 damage, but with Scales of Justice he's also grappled and dragged ... so another 12 points, 23 altogether ... nice ... next attack which ALSO hits with a 28 ... holy fuck ... more axe action, then ... 12 points of damage this time.

The Emissary: "REPENT." Oof ... O.O

So Emhira and SILAHA have to get to the Engine under the Scribe, then. HOW?!!!

Emhira sends her raven, Dearest, through the pipe into the chamber ... okay, then ... Arcane Gate? Oh yes, nice one indeed ... so there's a portal RIGHT where they want to be, then, and she steps straight through ...

So she's right in the thick of it, then, and SILAHA casts Dimension Door in order to directly follow her.

Clockwork Cavalcade? Sounds FANCY ... yeah, DO THAT!!!

Abubakar: "Gimme two seconds ..." Oh fuck yeah ... yes, that's EXACTLY it ... SILAHA literally just PACMANs the fucking Scribe and ALL of its data ... fucking SWEET ...

A poem so beautiful it could convince reality to kill a god ... holy shit ...

Zaharzht hobbles in and casts Silence on the Archmage ... all the sound leaves the room ... hmmm ... two Counterspells from the constructs fail SPECTACULARLY ... yup, no verbal components, then ... essentially he can therefore now do FUCK ALL ... XD

The Archmage manages to slip free from the grapple, but gives the Emissary an attack of poortunity ... the mage gets out of the range of Silence and dumps a Misty Step to flee ...

The group at the hospital are currently very much OUT OF THE FIGHT ... hmmm ... so Arcadia casts Teleport and just jumps ALL OF THEM into the room ... okay, then ...

Trists casts Guiding Bolt on the Orb ... nice ... Nat20! Yeah! Double damage, then ... 8D6? Wow ... 36 points of Radiant damage! BOOM!!! Advantage on the next attack, then ...

Awwwwwww ... Topher gave her a little slingshot? That's so sweet ... she casts Blinding Smite on it, then holds her position for whatever's next ...

Which is a construct coming right at her ... oof ... she takes 44 POINTS OF DAMAGE in a single hit ... fuck ... and she just TAKES IT ...

Zaharzht takes a hit too ... and has to make a concentration save to maintain the Silence ... which stays ... phew ...

Asha runs round, lands on the Emissary and reaches into them, pulling out a rusted metal ring, produces a vine of briatwood, and forms them into a really nasty spear ... she spots the mage just in time before he emerges from Misty Step and attacks ... 24 to hit ... effortlessly bypassing the Shield, she inflicts a monstrous amount of damage and completely STUNS the fucker ... following through, she batters the prone body and then delivers a Flurry of Blows ... ouch ... HDYWTDT indeed ... yeah, she just rips his throat right out with her bare teeth ... O.O

Tishar rushes in, sees the Orb's already fucked up, and Rages as she starts battering it ... 38 points of damage, then ...

Ayden points his staff at the Orb and hurls a Guiding Bolt at it ... 30 to hit? Oooof ... 20 points of Radiant damage ... then turns to Tishar and says: "It's taking you that long?" before granting her an Additonal Attack ... fuck, REALLY?!!!

Oh, nostalgia ... hmmmm ...

She smashes it to pieces ... oh yeah, this shit EXPLODES, definitely ... both the constructs just instantly go inert and that's IT for the fight...

Wind? Hmmm ... osh shit, wait ... yes, of course, the gates are open as the gods are starting to come in ...

Meanwhile they all pile through Emhira's gate and leave the chamber behind ...

And that's IT!!! Branna calls it a night ... roll on next week, then.

[sorcerous-caress]

I am completely obsessed with drows and humans. So I am currently reading more about drows as much as I could and I came across wiki page for Vhaeraun, the male advocate god—then I found this on his page :

“…He saw a general need for advancement for elves and encouraged cooperation, including intermarriage among the elven races. The goal included the subjugation of other races. Intermarrying also had an ulterior motive in the form of increasing drow numbers on the surface by taking advantage of the drow's genetic dominance and the psychological quirk of children to favor their drow parent.”

Very interesting but the most interesting part :

“ He found halflings and humans tolerable. It was believed that the Shadow wanted, or at least was not against, the drow interbreeding with humans to acquire their genetic traits.”

Which is…um so hot? I..I would volunteer to help pushing drow agenda as a human

Source : https://forgottenrealms.fandom.com/wiki/Vhaeraun#Mortals

— RED anon

What i absolutely love about this is the fact as detailed as Vhaeraun's plans can get, he never states how to convince these humans to be let themselves get bred and overtaken by drows nor does he urge his followers to learn some deep seduction or manipulation arts.

Because he knows it's not needed, not for the humans, at least. We will happily let them into our houses and into our beds with little to no care in the world.

Hell, his plans could literally be exposed the next day to all of Faerun, and it would change nothing for the humans.

Oh so the reason that hot drow women was hitting on me yesterday was because of that? Huh well I'm still getting that drussy and she seemed pretty nice so lol.

Like what are the other races gonna do to stop the drows from taking over humanity through inbreeding? They're gonna tell the humans not to fuck them? HA, good fucking luck, if anything it will motivate the humans to fuck even more drows.

We have very little regard for our survivability as a species, we wouldn't even acknowledge the drow take over thingy because we are so used to crossbreeding with other races. The only reason pure humans still exist is through out sheer dumb luck and unimaginable numbers.

I mean his plans fucking suck ngl, i doubt there are enough drows in the whole underdark to rival one human country but sure let the man dream.

What's funnier is at least for halfings they have their own god who'd try to protect them, for humans we don't have shit. We are on our own and we are so so weak to that drussy.

Like his plan wasn't just to impregnate the humans, no he wants the drows to start full functional families with them and be such great parents so much that the kids will favour them. He wants the drows to sweet humanity off its feet and baby i am so down for the ride.

I think even human-drow couples who wouldn't have kids would still be greatly encouraged for his take over. Great fucking plan bud, now the humans wifed up half the drow population and convinced the drows to abandon their gods and just join their society instead.

It's the whole wolf to dog domestication situation again except It's humanity accidentally freeing most of the drow culture from their evil gods by theer power of love and compassion.

What's funny is that most humans just confuse Vhaeraun for another god, the mask, because they both put emphasis on thievery and Vhaeraun just fucking rolls with it. He just plays along and tells his followers to just let it slide so they can convert the humans to his religion and not scare them off.

But man, the mask is pissed is him for stealing the human worshipers.

[land-of-holly]

Rings of Power Season 2 Episode 4 Liveblog

Title is Eldest...I wonder who that WAIT I KNOW

150 leagues? I'd have to check but I would have guessed it was farther than that

OMG galadriel and elrond trying to out-bitch each other!

Some nice scenery shots

Hmmm. Bridge is out

Continue to love the elf extras

Elrond's hair is so curly

I like his heralrdry of Gilgalad cloak pin

You're just gonna steal a branch from Tom's tree??

Damn right youre not. Oh he got FULLY et by that tree

The girls!

It takes TALENT to roll that far down a hill

New friend!!

Fuck what did Poppy just say I missed it as I was once again stunned by this show's EGREGIOUS NAMING DECISIONS.

he seems like a nice guy tho

Oh she just introduced herself. Flirting already

Look when you accuse a guy of a crime don't be surprised when he runs!

Oh so there ARE Rhunians that are just normal folk. They're just halflings

They're Stoors!

T_T  Treat him nicer! poppy ilysm

Oops. Wrong thing to say. *gives nori a 'you tried' sticker*

Gentling the tree yadda yadda. SYNTHESIS. MY GOD. I mean all props for actually bringing Tom into this but maybe a lighter touch??

Is Stranger man just prophesying Goldberry?

I'm still not certain stars work the normal way here. Like moving throughout the night and year and not just hovering ovrr a place.

'The stars are newcomers' is a nice touch though

Wait. he's making too much sense. Make less sense, Tom.

That's better. Go gather lilies, my dude

The barrowdowns! I feel bad for the guy who doesn"t fear dead Men

O noe dead horers

Well go after him! Rescue him! If the black guy dies first in your horror movie episode I stg

Is this ghost fight gonna movd the plot forward or...? Like if they were being put to some use of exposition or characterization instead of just being shaken like a shiny toy in front of a baby...

I'm glad you're her to tell us these things Galadriel... :I

Aww a search party for Theo! T_T He's pushed Arondir away but Arondir hasn't given up on him!

God, Isildur is INCREDIBLY smooth

We're moving the Estrid plot along, I like it!

Okay who was here, ents or entwives wouldn't just go knocking trees down...

Oh shit Isildur and Arondir BOTH failed their survival checks??

Estrid coming in clutch!

Where were they even hiding a giant worm monster???

FINE I will accept The Suzat. That's a nice touch

YOUR REAL HOME'S IN YOUR CHEST NORI

Disfigurement as punishment, check

Okay but Tolkien CONSISTENTLY comes down on the side of the end not justifying the means, so Elrond"s got the high ground on this one

OMG SHE'S BEAUTIFUL

TREE WIFE

Oh I wholly love the Ent design

:( Arondir has to tame her like a wild animal that can't be reasoned with

Where are they???

The rings can do good! It's something!

Okay Galadriel being badass is pretty fun to watch

Who is going to warn Brimby tho? Wasn't that their plan in the first place?

I do think in this case Elrond isn't giving Galadriel enough credit.

Daddy!