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pumpkinologists · 11 months

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Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy

Spencer Reid x F!Reader

Summary: You buy Spencer a seemingly innocent gift but it turns out to be a huge turn on

Notes: Finally edited!

Crossposted on AO3

Warnings: smut, kinda sub!Spencer to softdom!Spencer, cunnilingus, unprotected sex

It started with a spark of curiosity. An ember of mischief ignites and causes the neurons in your brain to go haywire. God, it was stupid.

Your curiosity got the best of you; there was no doubt about it when, the next day, your doorbell rang and your eyes went wide. Wickedly grinning, you rushed over to your door, pulled it open, and looked down to see a set of two cardboard boxes sitting on your doormat.

Quickly lifting the boxes, you took them into your kitchen, rummaging through your drawers for something to open the box with. When you finally found a pair of scissors, you rushed back over to the boxes, practically ripping open the flaps once you sliced the tape. You almost squealed when you saw the contents of the box. Everything was perfect.

"I'll be home soon. Just leaving now" was the text you got about five hours later. With a smile, you typed back, "I have a surprise for you when you get home." You sent an angel emoji after, trying to put some innocence into your words.

A giddy grin made its way onto your face as you flopped onto your bed, reading the text he sent back almost immediately: "Oh? What is it?" You could picture the way his eyebrows would crease in thought, his bottom lip jutting out in a pout. "It's a surprise. Can't tell" he only sent a frowning emoji back.

It felt like ages before you heard the familiar sound of your door being unlocked. You rushed over to the door and stood there patiently. You felt like a dog waiting for him at the door, but you couldn't help the excitement you felt.

As soon as he took one step in the door, you wrapped your arms around him tightly, not giving him any room. A sound of surprise came from the man wrapped in your arms. It took him a second to process what was happening before he gently tangled his own arms around your back, pulling you into him.

"Hi," you say, looking up at him with a wide smile. He repeated the greeting back to you, giving your lips a small peck. "I missed you, Spencer. I've been thinking about you all day," you whispered between small kisses. "I can tell." Before he could reach down and kiss you again, he furrowed his brows. Hey, didn't you say you had a surprise for me?" he asked, picking his head up and looking around the living room.

You giggled at the eagerness in his voice and actions. "It's upstairs in our room." Biting your lip, you looked at the way Spencer's eyes moved in thought. You let go of the hug, letting him take his bag off, before you grabbed his hand and dragged him to your bedroom.

Usually by now Spencer would be rambling about his day to you, but instead he was trying to come up with theories about what your surprise could be: "Is it an early birthday gift? Well, more like late. My birthday was a month ago. You also gave me a gift on my birthday," he was mumbling when you reached the bedroom. You sat him on the bed and looked at him in the eyes.

"Any last guesses?" You challenged him jokingly, knowing he'd take the bait. "Wait." His eyebrows jumped, a blush spreading across his cheeks. He gulped, "you know, you could have just asked." You weren't sure what he was getting at, and now it was your turn to look confused. "What?"

"If you want to have sex, you can just ask. You really didn't have to call it a surprise." He scratched the back of his neck, giggling nervously. Oh, your eyes were blown wide with astonishment, and you realized that saying you had a surprise for him did sound a little bit dirty, but you hadn't meant it that way.

Not letting it affect you, you chuckled and took his hand into yours. "Well, it's not out front sex, but," you dragged on the but, letting go of his hand and reaching for the boxes that sat under your bed, "I'm sure you'll like this even better."

A huff of laughter sounded from the man when you said those words: "I really don't think any materialistic thing is better than sex with you." He said it seriously whilst inspecting the boxes that you dropped on his lap. It was your turn to blush. Covering your eyes with your hands and groaning, you shook your head, "Just open the boxes."

Spencer shrugged and lifted the flaps, squinting at the item inside the box before taking it out. "Chaps?" He seemed confused, reaching for the other box, hoping for an explanation. "And a cowboy hat?" He looked lost, not knowing what he had just received.

Spreading your arms out, you grinned toothily, "Ta-da!" You let your arms fall, going to sit next to him on the soft comforter. "What do you think?" he kept on inspecting them when he spoke. "No offense, but," he looked at you and held up the hat, "is there a meaning to this?" he asked genuinely.

You tilted your head, "Remember about a week ago when we were talking about careers?" He slowly nodded his head, the memory coming back into his mind. You sat there and watched him put two and two together, his mouth opening in sudden realization.

The look on his face quickly changed to an amused one. "So when I told you that I would have wanted to be a cowboy if not an FBI agent, your immediate thought was to buy me chaps and a cowboy hat?" You frowned at his almost-teasing tone. "Well no. An ad for chaps came up on my laptop, and it made me think of you." A pout took place on your lips.

Spencer's eyes softened; he smiled at you and laughed lightly, saying, "I love it. Thank you." He whispered, giving you a kiss. "You're welcome," you pulled back and gripped his hand. "Now quick, go put it on!" You pulled him up and shoved him into the bathroom.

"Wait!" you shouted as you rushed over to his drawer and pulled out a pair of jeans and a blue flannel. "Don't forget this." You smiled and shoved the garments into his hands, pushing him into the bathroom and shutting the door.

It had been a few minutes, and you were starting to get a little antsy. "Are you okay?" You said it outside the bathroom door, your voice just above normal. It was silent for a minute longer than you'd like. "Umm, I'm not sure how to feel about this." His voice sounded anxious.

You couldn't get a word out, not knowing what to say. The quietness was broken by the sound of the bathroom door swinging open. In front of you stood Spencer, clad in his new clothing.

You stared at the man in front of you, mouth agape. If you could take a picture and put it in the Louvre, you totally would because the sight in front of you was utterly breathtaking.

The black hat sat tilted slightly upward on his head, his chestnut-brown bangs falling perfectly on his forehead. His shoulders looked more broad in the flannel, the blue complementing his skin perfectly. His jeans were the best part. The lightly washed color of the denim highlighted the spots where the fabric was just a little too tight on him. The brown leather of the chaps made everything impossibly better.

A nervous noise left Spencer's throat as you continued to survey him. "Uh, do you like it?" he asked shyly, bringing a hand up to the back of his neck. You gaped, "Do I like it?" The passion in your words made you sound almost angry, and Spencer winced a little. "God, you look so good," it was merely said to yourself, but that didn't stop Spencer from blushing like a madman.

Slowly, you walked up to him. Reaching him, you ran your hands over his chest and shoulders; somehow, he even felt better in this. It's not that he didn't feel good normally, but this sparked something completely different in you.

"The jeans are a little tight," you heard him murmur from above your tilted head. "I haven't worn them in so long." You didn't respond to him, only nodding slightly at his words. You took him all in, wondering what you deserved to have a man this perfect in your grasp.

Looking back up at his face, you watched the blush spread across his cheeks. He was adorable. Not being able to take it anymore, you took his face into your hands and pulled him in for a kiss. The kiss was deep and long, showing him just how much desire you held for him.

A small hum of satisfaction came from your throat when you felt his hands come up to rest on your waist. Your arms rest around his neck, gently playing with the hairs at his nape. Spencer pulled you deeper into him, your bodies squishing together.

Pulling back from the kiss, you panted slightly, trying to catch your breath. Smiling, you teasingly took Spencer's hat off and placed it on your own head, earning a small frown and a whiny "Hey" from him.

Just as he was about to complain, his eyes went wide in realization. Innocently, you flutter your eyelashes at him and ask, "What's wrong, Spence?" He gulped at your words and tightened his grip on your waist.

"You," he stuttered slightly, looking at the hat that was now sitting on your head, "know what you're doing." It was a flustered whisper, an attempt at scolding. You couldn't help but giggle, "I'm not sure what you're talking about. Tell me, please." You dragged out the last word, watching as he pouted and squeezed your waist.

He sighed shakily, "The cowboy hat rule," his eyes were looking down too shy to look you in the eyes, "when a woman steals a cowboy hat off a man's head she has to," his words faltered and his eyes went wide when you reached down in between your bodies and placed your hand on the bulge that was covered in tight denim. "Keep going," you said, sounding eager to hear the rest of his words. He didn’t say anything, so you looked up at him, your eyes halfway toward pleading.

Nodding his head, he let out a soft play and gulped, "It means we have to fuck." Your mouth opened in shock; he was never this foreword. You were at a loss for words—not that you would be able to say anything anyway because Spencer kissed you directly after he uttered those words.

The change in dynamics made your legs clench. You were always used to being the dominant one in the bedroom, so when Spencer shoved you onto the bed and continued to kiss you deeply, you couldn’t help but feel a flutter in your stomach.

When you both pulled back for air, you managed to let out a panting, "What’s gotten into you?" Spencer, who was currently working marks into your neck, let out a snort through his nose. He finished his actions on your pulse point, and he came face to face with you, your noses brushing against each other. "I wasn’t in the mood for teasing tonight," it was said lowly, a complete opposite from the shy, blushing boy you had just been face-to-face with moments ago.

You couldn’t help but let out a small whimper at his words, your thighs squeezing together. "And the way you look at me," he said, kissing your collarbone now, his hands reaching underneath your shirt, "I just want to devour you every time you give me those eyes." You arched into his touch when he kneaded your breast into his hand. His other hand was busy drawing shapes into your waist, keeping you grounded, and reminding you that this was still him.

Sounds of pleasure left your lips as Spencer’s mouth kissed and sucked on the skin of your torso. He made a trail down your sternum and rib cage and was now gently kissing your stomach. He looked up at you, admiration and softness lining his big eyes. "You are so pretty." You smiled at him, a hand coming up to tangle into his brown locks.

Gently running your fingers through his hair, you felt the tip of his nose dig into your soft flesh. Suddenly, you felt a finger hook at the waistband of your pants, dragging them down. Spencer moved to the side of you. "Lift your hips for me," he said lightly. You followed his instructions and raised your hips, setting them back down when your pants were at your ankles. He tossed them across the room and admired the newly displayed skin.

A small hum sounded from his throat, and he dipped his head down, kissing your thighs tenderly. You sighed and gripped the pillow beneath your head, your hips squirming at his touch. A hand comes up to the side of your hip and holds it delicately, squeezing it slightly in comfort. "Please," the plead left your mouth before you could even think about it.

You felt Spencer smile into your skin. "That was so pretty," he whispered, his hot breath hitting the skin of your inner thigh. You could’ve said something witty back, but you decided it was better to just enjoy the moment as it was. That proved to be the right decision when Spencer said lowly, "I didn’t know you were such a good girl." The words were followed by fingers pulling your panties to the side.

The cool air hit your already wet pussy, making you let out a small moan at the contact. A groan came from the still-fully dressed man above you, his hand moving down to cup his hand over you. "So warm," he mumbled, almost like he was taking mental notes for himself. He didn’t move his hand for a minute too long. You made a noise of frustration, and he moved his free hand up to stroke your cheek.

"Say please again for me?" he asked, caressing your cheek. His eyes were glimmering in the dim light of your room, he looked utterly gorgeous. "Please, please touch me." It was a whimper, one that made Spencer shut his eyes and bite his lip with a moan.

Leaning down to sloppily kiss you, one hand still held your cheeks while the other ran a finger through your glistening folds. You bucked your hips up into his hand, and he chuckled softly, feeling your desperation. He easily slipped his middle finger inside you, making you gasp. You moaned into the kiss and squeezed the sheets tightly in your grasp.

His fingers were long, making it easier for him to hit all the right spots. He moved his finger in and out, thrusting it slowly. Unexpectedly, he moves his thumb onto your clit. Your eyes flew open and your mouth detached from Spencer's, "Oh my," and you cut yourself off when he started to rub your clit in circular motions, making you let out a gasp of pleasure.

Spencer seemed pleased with himself by the way he was grinning into the skin of your neck, gently kissing you. "Feel so good around my finger," he muttered into your skin, nuzzling his nose into your neck. You were lost in pure bliss, letting noises fall out of you that you weren’t even sure you could make. Your hips kept bucking up into his hand. When Spencer decided to add a second finger, you could feel the start of your orgasm.

"I’m close." Your words were slurred, and your head was in the clouds. Your hands were gripping the sheets tightly, the fabric meshing between your fingers. He continued to work fervently on your clit, his thumb rubbing circles in perfect time with the thrusts of his fingers. "Spence, I—" as soon as you felt it, it was gone. Spencer’s fingers were gone. Your eyes were full of confusion and frustration, looking at the man who had just ripped your orgasm away from you.

A hand gently stroked your hair while the other one, the one that had just been inside you, was gripping onto your hip. "Why?" You meant to sound angry, but your voice was weak. He only shook his head and kissed your cheek lightly, not giving you any explanation. He continued to trace shapes into your hip with his thumb, his eyes never leaving yours as he moved down your body. The hand that wasn’t currently on your hip was pulled down, dragging across your sensitive skin.

You shuddered at the feeling. You continued to look at Spencer, taking in his appearance. Somehow a few of the top buttons on his flannel had come undone, and his hair was still messy from the cowboy hat. You couldn’t see past his torso but wondered if he had taken off his too-tight jeans.

Before you could let your mind wander any further, he was tugging your panties down. Once they were fully stripped off, he came face-to-face with your pussy. You gulped and looked down at his face; he wasn’t making eye contact with you but was staring at your wet folds hungrily. When he felt your gaze on him, he looked up into your eyes. "I want you to cum on my tongue." He whispered, licking his lips, when he saw the way your head fell back and you nodded.

He licked up your fold slowly, tasting you with a low guttural sound. You sighed in relief, lightly pushing your hips upward into his mouth. He detached his lips for a second while saying your name. You didn’t really hear him; your brain was in utter euphoria. The second time he said your name, it was a little louder, his hands squeezing your hip to get your attention. "Hmm?" you asked, your hand snaking down to thread into his hair.

"Tell me what you want," Spencer said into your pussy, the vibrations making you squirm. "Mm." You didn’t answer him as you tried to pull his mouth back onto you. He resisted and asked again, this time just slightly more forcefully. "Be a good girl and tell me what you want." He was panting slightly, his hands gripping you tightly. You groaned, "I want," It was hard to get the words out; your mind was only focusing on getting some friction. "I want to come, please," you whined, a pout falling on your lips.

A pleased groan came from Spencer, who didn’t waste time diving right back into your pussy. He thrust his tongue inside you, dragging the wetness up your folds. He lightly sucked on your sensitive clit, pulling strings of noise out of you. He continued his actions until he felt you clench around his tongue, your hips bucking up into his mouth as you chased your high. "Gonna cum?" he asked between licks, to which you let out a weak yes.

Your moans grew louder, and your body writhed and twisted at Spencer’s touch. "It’s okay. I got you," his voice was soothing as it coaxed you to the edge. "Let go and cum for me, okay?" At his wheedling words, you let go, clenching around his tongue and gripping his hair while your wetness spilled all over his mouth. He let out a croon as he tasted you all over him. He soothed you down from your high, letting you relax as he kissed up your body, letting you know how well you had done.

When he reached your mouth, you sloppily kissed each other. You tasted yourself and moaned into the kiss. "Spencer," you said, pulling away, holding his face in your palms. He looked drunk; his eyes were dazed, and his hair was a mess from your fingers. "Hmm?" he questioned, leaning down to kiss your cheek lightly. "Let me ride you," you muttered. His eyes grew eager, and he nodded softly, letting you change positions to be on top.

He leaned against the headboard, watching as you carefully undid his belt buckle, moving onto the chaps that were still buckled tightly. It took forever to get them off. "Jeez, no wonder you were in the bathroom for so long." You furrowed your eyebrows, tossing the leather on the ground, making him chuckle. When you finally got his pants down, you ogled at him.

"You’re drooling," he teased. You shook your head and looked him in the eyes before reaching to take his cock out of his boxers. He squeezed his eyes shut at your touch, his bottom lip tucked between his teeth. You giggled and lightly stroked him.

A whimper left Spencer’s lips when you dragged the head of his cock through your soaked folds. "Oh my god," he said, putting his hands on your hips, suddenly remembering the dynamic he had set at the start. He grabbed his cock out of your hand, making you confused. Your confusion turned into realization when he lined himself up and pushed you down onto him.

You gasped, rushing to put your hands on Spencer’s shoulders to steady yourself. He was halfway in, but you felt the stretch. He was the perfect size, with an average girth and slightly above average length, giving him reach into spots that made you writhe. "So warm," you heard Spencer say beneath you, letting you sink down onto him without too much effort.

Both of you moaned in unison when you reached the hilt. You sat there for a few seconds, letting yourself adjust, before you rocked your hips. This made Spencer know that you were ready, so he grabbed your hip and started to help you move. You started to grind first, taking it as slowly as possible. "Mm, you feel so good," Spencer moaned when he started to love you up and down.

Your hands still gripped his shoulders as you bounced up and down at a steady pace. The room was filled with the sounds and smell of sex. Heat racked your body; you felt almost euphoric. Adding to the fire, Spencer let one hand off your hip, snaking his hand down in between your bodies to rub your clit. You clenched around him at the sensation. You could have sworn you felt his dick twitch.

He didn’t stop his efforts, still rubbing your clit, "You take me so good," he groaned, his head falling back onto the headboard. You could feel the slight burn in your legs from your repeated motions, but it only added to the pleasure. Spencer moved the hand that was still resting on your hip to your ass, kneading the flesh in his hand.

"Spence," you said, getting his attention. "I think I’m going to come again," you whimpered, your head falling forward onto his forehead. You felt him nod underneath you; he picked up the pace on your clit. Trying to hold in your moans as best you could, you moved your lips down to kiss him. He returned your kiss, your tongues messily sliding together. When Spencer’s hip came up for one particularly hard thrust that synced with yours, you came. You clenched around his cock, and you felt his hips stutter as you did.

"I’m coming," he panted, his hips moving in disorganized thrusts. You felt his hot spurts of cum spill into you. Your head rested on his shoulder, gently kissing him and soothing him through his orgasm. You both panted, your bodies sweaty and tired, idly laying on each other for support. You groaned and gently went to move yourself off his softening cock.

With heavy eyes and an attempt at humor, you reached for the cowboy hat that was lying on the ground. You put the hat on Spencer’s head and smiled lazily. "Save a horse, ride a cowboy." Spencer groaned, picked up the pillow beside him, and threw it at you softly. "That was so lame." He reached over and grabbed you, pulling you into his chest and giving your forehead a small kiss.

"I’m starting to think that I should quit my job and become a cowboy," he said, laying his cheek on the top of his head. Nodding, you mumbled against his chest, "I totally wouldn’t mind that."

#spencer reid #spencer reid x you #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid smut #criminal minds #criminal minds fanfiction #criminal minds fanfic #smut

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tigergirltail · 9 days

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TIGER HRT CHAPTER 4 - MONTH 3 - GROWING PAINS

First - Prev - Next

Everything hurts.

I started noticing it about two weeks after my first dose. It felt like a dull headache at first, but over the next month it spread to pretty much my entire body.

I had to start working from home, and eventually it got bad enough that I could only put in a few hours of work each day. My boss is a reasonable enough guy, but he wasn't going to pay a full time salary for part time hours, so I had to take a salary cut.

Luckily, my partner is around to take care of daily errands, not to mention being there to reassure and comfort me when the pain gets bad. They've been thinking about seeing if Lindwurm HRT is a thing, but they don't want to get the process started until I'm in the clear and can take care of myself again.

Gods I love them.

The reason the pain is happening, as best I can tell, is that my skeletal structure is already changing. I've gotten at least an inch taller, and my face has been reshaping into a feline muzzle. My teeth are getting sharper, and I'm developing proper fangs. I also noticed a little while ago that my fingernails and toenails had receded into their respective digits, which sucks for two reasons - I can't paint fingernails I don't have, and they are sore as HELL when I put any amount of pressure on them. I have to be REALLY careful with how I type to not inflict agony on myself. I'm also feeling my tail growing in, and even if it hurts, it's euphoric as HELL. A tail was always the part I wanted most out of this.

It's weird, the skeletal changes weren't supposed to happen this early. I've been trying to reach Dr. Erian about it, but he's constantly busy, probably because of the sudden surge of people looking for Humanity Removal Therapy.

Other than that, I've been getting areas of white and black fur coming in - mostly on my arms and legs, but a little bit on my face and ears - ears that are gradually reshaping and migrating. Nothing to report on hearing sensitivity, but I think my night vision is getting better.

I did a little bit of looking around for anyone with similar pain experiences. I got my hopes up when I found a girl, Antonina, who had a painful experience with Cat HRT, but it turns out it's because she took the rumoured Fifteen Minute version. She described the pain as "like bathing in an active volcano".

It leaves me wondering whether I would have preferred a 15-minute lava bath over a months-long full-body headache.

I ended up reaching out to her anyway, just because I wanted to know what I was in for in the endgame and feline HRT is rarer than I thought it would be. Sounds like the prey drive is the real deal - she keeps feeling the urge to bite this one girl who's on mouse HRT.

We've been spending some time comparing notes and getting to know each other. It's nice to know someone else who's going through this thing, even if our experiences aren't exactly one-to-one.

I also talked to my mother for the first time in nearly a year. I went No Contact with her a while back because she was only getting more obnoxious and combative about me being trans, but I figured changing my species is a big enough deal that I should keep her in the loop.

Besides, my savings had nearly dried up and I needed to ask her for money.

It… did not go well. She hadn't heard of therian HRT before, and once I explained it, she started panicking about how I'm "mutilating my body" with "untested treatments". I think I also heard her cry something about how her "son" is "killing himself", which is just multiple layers of insensitive.

At least she sent me some money. Hopefully it'll be enough to last until my transformation stops being agonizing and I can go back to work, and then I can go right back to pretending my family doesn't exist.

At roughly the three-month mark, I have a check-in video call with Dr. Erian. From the moment his face appears on screen, though, I can tell something is wrong. He seems… older, somehow.

"Hello, Miss Alexis.", he offers. He sounds tired. Sorrowful, even.

"Hey, doc." I have to ask about it. "Everything okay? You seem a bit tired."

"Nothing to worry about Miss Alexis, just the ordinary stresses of daily life."

Liar. I know I'm not entitled to details of your personal life, much less your professional secrets, but I know when something is eating at someone.

"…Does the word 'crossroads' mean anything to you, Miss Alexis?"

Huh? That came a bit out of left field. "I've… heard some other therian HRT patients use the term, but I don't know much of the details. Something about a point of no return?"

"Something of the sort." He lowers his head and seems to go from sorrowful to downright grim. "There will come a time, Miss Alexis, when you will have to make a very important decision in your care, and I ask that you do so with great consideration for the consequences."

I recoil a little in my seat. "Yeah… Of course I will. Any decision I make, even reaching out to you in the first place, I don't take it lightly."

"Good… That's good." His demeanor shifts back to his stoic, clinical self. I don't know what just happened, but he went somewhere for a moment there.

"Now then, I did receive your messages, I apologize for not getting back to you. You mentioned you were experiencing persistent and debilitating whole-body soreness?"

"Yeah. I can't even leave the apartment most days, it hurts so much."

"Odd… You are taking the treatment as directed, yes?"

"Of course. One tablespoon a week, just like it says on the bottle."

I see his eyes twitch behind his glasses. Did I say something wrong?

"…Teaspoon."

I cock my head to the side. "Say again?"

"You mean one TEASPOON a week, yes?"

I feel my heart sink. The dark smear on the dosage information… I could have sworn it said '1 tbsp/week'.

"…Could you hold on a second please?" I mute the mic and call out to my partner to bring the bottle of tiger HRT over. When they do, I unmute and hold it up to the webcam. I hear Dr. Erian take a sharp intake of breath as he notices the obscured instructions.

I set the bottle aside and the two of us share an awkward silence.

"So…", I begin. "…How bad is it?"

"The good news", he offers slowly, "is that you have only been taking three times the prescribed dose. An increased dose imbalances the growth rate of the different parts of your body, hence your pain and persistent weakness, but it could have been much worse."

I think back to the so-called Fifteen Minute version, and Antonina's description of it - like bathing in an active volcano.

Dr. Erian continues. "Assuming you return to a CORRECT dose, your growth rates will gradually level out over the course of the next month or so. It is my medical opinion that you should maintain a low-activity lifestyle until then, but you will eventually be able to return to your typical activity level, and you will also find that the physical effects become more… consistent."

"That's… reassuring. Thank you, doctor." I pause. Something I noticed a little while ago has been weighing on my mind. "There's one thing, though - do the treatments have… I guess you'd call them restorative or regenerative effects? I've noticed some old wounds aren't there anymore."

The doctor clicks his pen and brings up his notepad. "Interesting. Do go on, Miss Alexis."

"Well… I used to get lower back pain from a car crash injury I got a little over a year ago, but I haven't noticed it at all lately. Pretty much the only part that DOESN'T hurt… There also used to be some marks on my arm from a cat biting me when I was little." I give a slight smile. "The cat's name was Tiger, go figure."

Dr. Erian is writing the whole time I'm talking. "Yes, that is to be expected. Minor persistent injuries will fade over time as your body re-forms itself to a new baseline, even severe chronic symptoms may fade. If there are no other concerns…"

"Just one… Most of the other therian HRT patients I've talked to have gotten their meds as pills, so what's with the potion bottle?"

Dr. Erian pauses, and adjusts his glasses nervously, as if he's been caught out on something he doesn't want to admit to. "Well… advances in the field are occurring rapidly, and you are one of the more recent patients, so a more… streamlined option was available to you. I took the liberty of choosing the most compatible option based on your medical records, and that bottle is it."

"Okay… But what's IN it?"

"The active ingredients are antihominidone, which is your humanity-blocker, and a specialized formula of felistrogen, infused with white tiger genetic material. The rest of the fluid is a suspension used to dilute the effects, without which you would be looking at a short, but excruciating and potentially lethal process."

The Fifteen Minute version, I think to myself. I'm taking diluted Fifteen Minute meds. There's no WAY this isn't experimental, and I'M the experiment. I despise saying it, but maybe my mother was right to worry.

"But I'm afraid I really do have to go, Miss Alexis, my next appointment is waiting."

"G-gotcha. See ya, doctor."

---

Special thanks to @paintedbytosia for letting me write her in, and shoutout to @megamoonerjenny for coming up with 'antihominidone'

#trans #transgender #transwoman #tiger hrt #therian hrt #furry hrt #animal hrt #trans artist #queer artist #my art

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chokopoppo · 5 days

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MONSTROUS REGIMENT. // And the new day was a great big fish. [[ Listen on Spotify ]]

Program notes--and spoilers for Monstrous Regiment by Terry Pratchett--below the cut.

1.Children's Work // Dessa

When the wagon tipped, I prayed over your body I asked God to take the damage out on me Ten years later, he finally gets the memo Sent it to accounting and knocked out my front teeth

'She hadn't set out to be an ornithologist. But birds brought Paul alive. All the...slowness in the rest of his thinking became a flash of lightning in the presence of birds. Suddenly he knew their names, habits, and habitats, could whistle their songs, and, after Polly had saved up for a box of paints off a traveler at the inn, had painted a picture of a wren so real you could hear it.'

'...well, yes. She'd heard the song, too. So what? Paul was her brother. She'd always kept an eye on him, even when she was small. Mother was always busy, everyone was always busy at The Duchess, so Polly had become a big sister to a brother fifteen months older than she. She'd taught him to blow his nose, taught him how to form letters, went and found him when crueler boys had got him lost in the woods. Running after Paul was a duty that had become a habit.'

2. Barnacled Warship // Johnny Flynn

Well, I left home three days ago I feel like going to bed Open the courts and a new religion Burning through my head

' "All the good bits in this country are in this tent," said the voice of Wazzer.

'Embarrassed silence descended.'

'Jackrum softened his voice a little when he saw their expressions. "Lads, this is war, understand? He was a soldier, they were soldiers, you are soldiers... more or less. [...] Bury 'em decent and say what prayers you can remember, and hope they've gone back where there's no fighting." '

3. The Railroad // Goodnight, Texas

Run, run, run with the railroad Get out of their sight When the engine turns and you've got to move on Then you've got to move on at night

' "I expect you were glad to leave," was all Polly could say.

' "The basement window was unlocked," said Tonker. '

' "D'you know why we joined up?" said Tonker, red in the face. "To get away! Anything was better than what we had! I've got Lofty and Lofty's got me, and we're sticking with you because there's nothing else for us! [...]"

"Then go!" shouted Polly. "Desert! We won't stop you, because I'm sick of your... your bullshit! But you make up your mind right now, right now, understand?" '

4. Dig Gravedigger Dig // Corb Lund

I asked about ghosts and spirits I asked him if he ever got spooked I asked him if he ever got haunted by souls, But he reckons that he buries them, too.

'The charcoal-burner and his wife were buried to the accompaniment of, to Polly's lack of surprise, a small prayer from Wazzer. [...]

'Wazzer prayed for everyone. Wazzer prayed like a child, eyes screwed up and hands clenched until they were white. The reedy little voice trembled with such belief that Polly felt embarrassed, and then ashamed, and, finally, after the ringing "amen", amazed that the world appeared no different than before. For a minute or two, it had been a better place...'

5. You're Dead // Norma Tanega

Don't ever talk with your eyes Be sure that you compromise You're dead, you're dead, you're dead You're dead and out of this world

' "Why do you smoke? It's not very... vampire, really."

' "Well, I'm not supposed to be very vampire," said Maladict, lighting up with a shaking hand. "It's the sucking. I need it. I'm on edge. I'm getting the no-coffee jitters. [...]"

' "We've got plenty of tea--" Polly began.

' "You don't understand! This is about... craving. You never stop craving, you just switch it to something that doesn't cause people to turn you into a short kebab!" '

6. We Stand Alone // PigPen Theatre Co.

We stand alone with the bones of our father's breath Retching our souls with the stories of life and death Come pass away on the sinews of our strings But watch your weary eyes and protect thy dreams

'No one spoke at all. The thing was... the thing was, Polly realized, that they were no longer marching alone. They shared the Secret.'

'... Er, your sleeping friend... will you leave her here?"

' "No," said the squad, as one woman. [...]

' "We stick together," said Polly. "We don't leave a man behind." '

7. Bigmouth Strikes Again // The Smiths

And now I know how Joan of Arc felt Now I know how Joan of Arc felt As the flames rose to her Roman nose And her hearing aids started to melt

'She didn't know much about what went on in [the School], but imagination rushed to fill the gap. And she wondered what happened to you in that hellish pressure cooker. [...] If you were Wazzer, dealt a poor hand to start with, and locked up, and starved, and beaten, and mistreated Nuggan-knew-how (and yes, Polly thought, Nuggan probably did know how), and pushed deeper and deeper into yourself, what would you find down there? And then you'd look up from those depths into the only smile you ever saw.'

8. Buzzard Song // Ella Fitzgerald

There's two folks livin' in this shelter Eatin', sleepin', singin', prayin', Ain't no such thing as loneliness And we are young again.

'Polly stared out at the bright, unchanging landscape, empty except for a buzzard making wide circles in the forbidden blue.

' "I'm not sure about that," she said. "But someone up there likes us." '

Additional Context: Buzzard Song is a piece of incidental recitative from the American folk opera Porgy and Bess. The native buzzards of Charleston are seen as an omen of misfortune and death by the residents of the fictional Catfish Row; when one circles at the midpoint of the opera, it is chased off by the triumphant Porgy, who believes he has finally found happiness.

Like many other pieces of music from Porgy and Bess, Buzzard Song came to separate acclaim following its orchestration by Ella Fitzgerald and Louis Armstrong. However, unlike other pieces from the opera, such as Summertime or I Got Plenty O' Nuttin', Buzzard Song never entered the jazz standard repertoire, due to this additional dependence on the text.

9. One Foot in Front of the Other // Emilie Autumn

I've been in chains since I was nothing but a kid We don't know freedom, not quite sure that we ever did Now that we have it, how will we make use of it? We've been committed, now to what do we all commit?

' "I don't want to end up in the School, though," said Betty aka Shufti. "They took away a girl from our village and she was kicking and screaming--"

' "Then fight them!" said Polly. "You've got a sword now, haven't you? Fight back!" '

'Polly remembered what she'd said, hours ago, about fighting. You had to start somewhere.

' "I want to try the Keep again," she said. [...] I'm going to try it, Sarge!"

' "You are not!"

' "Try and stop me!" The words came out before she could stop them. And that's it, she thought, the shout heard round the world. No going back after this. I've run off the cliff and it's all downhill from here.'

10. The Trapper and the Furrier // Regina Spektor

What a strange, strange world we live in Where the good are damned, and the wicked forgiven What a strange, strange world we live in Those who don't have lose, those who got get given- More, more, more, more

'It was a terrible thing. Her mother had been a kind woman, or as kind as a devout woman could be while trying to keep up with the whims of Nuggan, and she'd died slowly and painfully, amid pictures of the Duchess and among the echoes of unanswered prayers...'

' "Ever run across someone called Father Jupe?"

' "Oh, yes," said Polly, and, feeling that something more was expected of her, added, "He used to come to dinner when my mother--he used to come to dinner. A bit pompous, but he seemed okay."

' "Yes," said Tonker. "He was good at seeming."

'Once again there was a dark chasm in the conversation that not even a troll could bridge, and all you could do was draw back from the edge.'

' "I feel sorry for the Borogravians," he said.

' "Me too, sir," said Angua. [...] "Their religion's gone bad on them. Three years ago it was abominable to grow root crops on ground which had grown grain or peas! [...] It means no real crop rotation, sir. The ground sours. Diseases build up. You were right when you said they were going mad. [...] I've had a look around. They're very religious here, but their god's let them down. No wonder they mostly pray to their royal family." '

11. Genesis 30:3 // The Mountain Goats

For several hours we lay there, last ones of our kind Harder days coming, maybe; I don't mind. ... I will do what you ask me to do Because of how I feel about you.

' "... Shall I tell you that Tilda was pregnant when they brought her back to the Gray House after the fire? She had it, and they took it away, and we don't know what happened to it. And then she got beaten again because she was an Abomination Unto Nuggan. Does that make you feel better?" said Tonker, tying the rope to a table leg. "There's just us, Polly. Just her and me. No inheritance, no nice home to go back to, no relatives that we know of. The Gray House breaks us all, somehow."

Additional Context: The Life of the World to Come is the 12th studio album of The Mountain Goats, and consists of twelve poems, each meditating on a single verse of the Jewish Tanakh or the Christian New Testament.

The text of Genesis 30:3 is as follows: 'And she said, Behold my maid Bilhah, go in unto her; and she shall bear upon my knees, that I may also have children by her.'

About the text, John Darnielle has said "...that story is the most beautiful love story I've ever heard in my life. [...] All the relationships in the Bible prior to that are working relationships, but there's people and love in this story." [Source]

12. The Goddess and the Weaver // Spiral Dance

Arachnia weaves, and she weaves so well She weaves a passage where the Gods will fly Athena laughs as she casts her spell While she watches from her loom on high

' "You must invade Borogravia! In the name of sanity, you must go home! [...] Fight Nuggan, because he is nothing now, nothing but the poisonous echo of all your ignorance and pettiness and malicious stupidity! Find yourself a worthier god. And let...me...go! [...]"

'As one woman, as one man, the crowd in the room reached up hesitantly to their left cheek. And Wazzer folded up, very gently, collapsing like a sigh.'

13. Jackaroe // Joan Baez

"I know my waist is slender, my fingers are neat and small But it would not make me tremble to see ten thousand fall" ... The war soon being over, they hunted all around And among the dead and dying, her darling boy she found.

' "Oh, we had great times, great times," said Jackrum, stopping for a moment to stare at nothing. "He never got promoted on account of his stutter, but I had a good shouty voice, and officers like that. But Willie never minded, not even when I made it to sergeant. And then he got killed at Sepple, right next to me."

' "I'm sorry."

' "You don't have to be, you didn't kill him," said Jackrum evenly. "But I stepped over his body and skewered the bugger that did. Wasn't his fault. Wasn't my fault. We were soldiers." '

14. The World Turned Upside Down // Chumbawamba

I dreamt all men were equal And there were no starving poor And nations never did quarrel Nor never went to war

'Kissing don't last. Oh, the Duchess had come alive before them and turned the world upside down for a spell and maybe they had all decided to be better people, and out of certain oblivion had come a space to breathe.

'And then...had it really happened? Even Polly sometimes wondered, and she had been there. Was it just a voice in their heads, some kind of hallucination? Weren't soldiers in desperate straits famous for seeing visions of gods and angels? [...]

'All we were given was a chance, thought Polly. No miracle, no rescue, no magic. Just a chance.'

15. The Times They Are A-Changin' // Bob Dylan

The line it is drawn, the curse it is cast The slowest now will later be fast As the present now will later be past The order is rapidly fadin' And the first one now will later be last 'Cause the times, they are a-changin'

'At which point, Polly decided that she knew enough of the truth to be going on with. The enemy wasn't men, or women, or the old, or even the dead. It was just bleedin' stupid people, who came in all varieties. And no one had the right to be stupid. [...]

'And the new day was a great big fish.'

#monstrous regiment #discworld #fan playlist #folk playlist #program notes

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twstfournights · 1 year

Text

A Very Important Update

Sorry for the radio silence folks, it's been what, two months now?

I am so so so sorry.

Development for the game has not been entirely halted, it's had to take its pauses. I personally have gotten a few sprites worked on that will be needed for the prologue, and was even working on the extra special cg that will hopefully set the tone for the game.

There's just been one teensy problem... my health.

For those who just want a quick summary, I've had a string of unfortunate health issues, that while manageable at first, has now led to a very severe wrench into development plans for now. If you don't want any details, skip the cut. Especially if you're sensitive to the topics of cancer and heart problems.

With that in mind, development has NOT stopped entirely. It's just made me more glad I said not to expect the game anytime soon. I still want it finished, God himself can not tear this game out of my hands. I just have to be a little careful with how I go about it for a while.

I see we've gotten so many more followers, and there are plenty of messages for me to parse through, and I'll be getting through those! I hope to be more active now that I'm on what we could call the road to recovery, and I hope to deliver more content to you soon. For those who want more in-depth answers and insight into what's going on. The cut below has it all. I felt awful keeping you all in the dark, and Salt has suggested I finally tell y'all. So here it is.

To start with. I have Thyroid cancer, have had it for a little while, and I'm set to begin the real meat of treatment and chemo and all its fun stuff within the year. With that, it doesn't actually impact my life too much. I'm more tired yes, and I can only really do things in my free-time on days I don't work, since I work 10 hour days and those take up nearly ALL of my energy, so far it's been a good cycle.

I've found my rhythm, and I was working on the game through it! ....So, what changed? About almost 3 weeks ago now, I had a heart attack at work. It went untreated since I was unaware of the signs of a heart attack at the time, and due to that, I merely just finished my shift and went home. Yes, that's right. I had a heart attack and kept working.

I know. It was so so so stupid at the time, but I was so worried about inconveniencing my coworkers that I stayed. Thankfully it was not a severe one, more on the light to moderate side. I passed out for a few seconds, but mostly just felt like my heart had been kicked by a horse, starry vision, numb left arm, the works.

The next day I felt so awful I skipped work, but the day after I went back in, still feeling bad, but due to how my dad raised me... If I'm gonna suffer, might as well make money while doing it. Turns out, I was nowhere near better! I passed out at work, several times, and finally decided oh shit.. I should go to the hospital. They were able to diagnose that yes, I had a heart attack, and that I probably had caused some damage to my heart, damage they at the time couldn't see, and basically sent me home with a doctor's note to avoid work.

That's fine! Just a few days off, and I'll be better right?

Hahahaha, no.

I kept continuing to pass out, and as the days passed, it was happening more frequently. I'll save you some time, I was in and out of ER's, and finally two days ago, I was in-patient in a hospital for over 24 hours.

They found out that my heart is seemingly fine, but for no reason they can tell at the time, my BPM drops below 50, and sometimes even below 40 when I pass out. Walking, standing, heck, even sitting, can cause me to pass out. And even just laying down (I was marked as a high fall risk patient so I was basically locked to my bed the entire time watching Bluey ((I may be someone who writes awful things but even I love Bluey))) I still continued to pass out.

Literally just yesterday I was cleared to go home, with a little machine patch on my heart, that will record my heart rate for the next week, and if i pass out, I'm to hit the button on it, and record in their journal what happened, when, and why. Seems easy stuff, and for now I'm totally home-bound. I can't even walk out to my shed without having a severe fainting episode.

There's just one problem, besides moving around, and I feel like such a weak Victorian maiden saying this. But if I get too wound up or excited, I also grow faint. I literally. Faint at the sight of ankles now. I am so weak and dying.

What this means for the game is a little rough, since the game itself makes me so happy, heck, just talking ideas with Salt has me bouncing off the walls, and I have to take breaks from doing so to go lay down cause I'm gonna pass out from happiness.

For a... spicy game. With spicy elements. It means I have to pace myself so so so much cause my ass swooning harder than the girls over Gaston just cause I drew Malleus shirtless.

Good news is with this patch on me, recovery should be coming soon, they'll HAVE to find something. It can't last forever. I initially had an awful arrhythmia, and that went away, so the future is open! They've already determined it's not fatal, so I won't perish, but if I do go...

I hope I go out because I saw a spicy fanart of Malleus and got so excited I passed out and cracked my head open.

It's the only way to go.

Thanks for listening, and I hope to be able to give more updates soon, on the game, not me, please do not worry for me. I am literally immortal until proven otherwise.

#twistedwonderland #twstfournights #development update #IM ALIVE #PLEASE DO NOT CALL EMERGENCY SERVICES SHE IS ALIVE #twstfangame #diasomnia #malleus draconia #lilia vanrouge #twst silver #sebek zigvolt #silver

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sillyguy99 · 2 months

Text

There is no fear in love

(Mafiafell Sans x Reader)

Chapter Six: Night Visit

[Index | Previous | Next]

Blood drips from the remnants of the bottle.

It stains the carpet, as does your robe when you kneel and reach out for the victim.

He lies on the ground, what he'd worn to hide his appearance now gone from his face. What confirms him to be the same man you've been helping as of late is the medicine vial he's clutching, and which he saves in his pocket as he groans and rubs at where you've hit him. His jaw is clenched, and there's the faint scent of smoke emanating from his body.

“I'm so, so sorry,” you whisper, crouching before him and leaning in.

You've never seen a skeleton bleed before.

In fact, roughly about a month ago – when this same monster man had shown up at your garden with your lost child – you had not seen a living, breathing skeleton at all.

Your hand presses on his trembling shoulder, and you try not to recoil when you feel a faint warmth emanate from his body.

“I didn't think you would–”

You're cut off by laughter, and you look back to his skull to see he's opened his eye sockets.

He places a palm on his injury as he pushes you aside and stands up.

“my fault, i'll admit,” he says, grinning. “i’ve seen ya pour that sparkling wine before like it's been sent to you by god himself. the last thing i expected was you goin' for my head like you're a professional baseball player aimin’ for the world record.”

He laughs louder, so you have to stand up, rush back to him, and press a palm against his teeth.

And – wasting no opportunity – he immediately licks it, though you don't recoil.

“I've had snot smeared on my robe, vomit spilled on my chest and lap, and grubby hands cup my face just to say something to me,” you state, pressing harder. “I can assure you a little saliva won't-”

A hand grabs your rear, and the other holds the wrist of the hand you'd intended to smack him away with.

You still don't set his mouth free, and that seems to flash amusement into his gaze.

“Stoop that low, and I won't hesitate to shove my crucifix into your eye socket.”

His hand removes itself from your rear.

At that, you set his mouth free and step back.

“i came to say thank you,” he says, again reaching for his injury as he walks to your bed and sits in the middle. “we've been doin' alright, no – more than alright, since you've started givin' us all those medicines.”

“It's Frisk wish to see you thrive, is it not?” you comment, arriving at your dresser, where you fetch a first aid kit. “I assume hospitals want little to do with my child, if they're the reason for people's anger toward… your kind’s integration into our world, so this is the least I can do to help."

You take it, sit next to the monster, and retrieve some salve, alcohol, and cotton balls.

“If you ever need more, you can gladly visit even outside of the usual schedule, but…" You douse the cotton with alcohol and wipe it across the injury. “But not like this. It's late in the night, and you've sneaked into my room… as if you're a teenage boy looking for some action in a highschool flick.”

Next comes the salve and a gauze with two strips of tape.

“And then, to make matters worse, you show up in a disguise.”

You remove the coat over his shoulders and fold it, placing it on the bedside table when you're finished.

“I can hardly see you as is with the dim candlelight. What do you think was going to happen – You showing up at my bed like we're roommates with scarce living accommodations? I wasn't going to say: ‘Welcome home, darling!’, nor was I going to softly embrace you.”

When you look up to make eye contact again, you see he's grinning from ear to ear.

“Tell me what's so funny,” you ask, placing your palm over his chest. “You've been silent for a while.”

Instead of answering, a hand holds your chin, and his thumb traces over your upper lip.

“all this time,” he replies, trailing off with a fit of chuckles. “you've…”

Horror cascades onto your body when you see he wipes something white off your face and licks it clean.

“you've been talkin’ to me with a milk moustache.”

It's your duty to cover his mouth once more, his laughter further booming – giving you no time to shrivel up with embarrassment in a corner of your room.

“Why didn't you say so sooner?”

He shrugs, then licks your palm again.

“And please, stop that. If you want me to find it gross or arousing, it is neither.”

Be that as it may, the word ‘arousing’ flickers prominent brightness into his irises.

And now, you've come to the conclusion you've taken a terribly wrong step.

His hands reach for your hips, pulling you forward and onto his lap.

It's there that he faces an obstacle: the length of your skirt impeding him from parting your legs. He grabs a handful of the fabric and lifts it to your knees, then brings you close until you're straddling him. Your refusal to let his mouth free for the second time declares it more difficult to do anything against him, and yet you'd rather endure this than risk having him be loud and your Sisters finding someone unknown in your room.

He kisses your palm.

And after, his hands move toward your veil, slipping under it and stopping on the back of your neck.

“What do I need to do for you to stop that?”

You pull your hand back, though you keep it close – just in case.

“i wanna spend more time with you.”

Before you can shut him up again, he grabs your wrists and tugs you closer, until you're nearly pressed against his chest.

“...Why?”

“i think i like you more than i thought.”

He lets go, then places his hands back on your hips.

“i’m curious about you, and i wanna get to know you better.”

“Is that all? It doesn't sound like you genuinely mean that.”

Knock-knock.

For the third time, you press your palm against his mouth.

And he does the same, muting both the words you planned to respond to the person behind the door with and the gasp his actions draw out from you.

“shut up,” he whispers, after brushing your hand off. “don't say a thing, and they won't find out.”

Another set of knocks is heard, and footsteps fade when receiving no answer.

He pulls his hand back and removes your veil.

“if anyone asks, tell them ya don't know nothin’, and-”

Footsteps sound once more – quicker now.

“-and fake you've been sleepin’.”

The doorknob rattles.

He lifts you off his lap, straightens out your skirt, and the rest happens too quickly for you to take it all in.

His hands roaming your body as he puts you to sleep, and the whoosh of the wind as he's gone with the blink of an eye, messes caused by his abrupt presence and your reaction towards it cleaned right as the doorknob ceases rattling. A dresser once littered with a variety of items you’d set aside while searching for first aid is tidier than how you'd left it. The few items scattered on the bed have been put away, as well. Similarly, the wrinkled carpet has been fixed, and the glass shards from the broken wine bottle have all been picked up. Everything’s in its rightful place, and the only objects out are the empty mug of milk on the bedside table and your veil folded next to it. Evidence of there being anyone else before would be complicated to find for someone as skilled as a detective.

When it rattles again, an unknown force pushes you back to bed and closes your eyes.

“Sister!” a familiar tone calls out, accompanied by the sound of the door slamming against the wall. Are you alright? We all heard a man's voice, and Sister Gabriel said that she…”

Her footsteps come closer.

“She…”

Try as you might, you can't move an inch.

Something impedes from acting upon your thoughts.

“Sister Magdalene?”

There's the sound of her walking closer, along with the fabric of her robe shuffling.

Soon after, she rests her palm against your forehead.

“Oh, dear,” she exclaims, removing her hand and placing it on your cheek. “You're burning up!”

You can't move.

You can't speak.

You can barely open your eyes.

“Sister Gabriel, come- come quickly!”

There's the sound of more footsteps – incredibly rushed and clearly panicked as the one called bumps against the door, clattering whatever she carried into the room and sending it all to the floor.

“Forgive me, b- but we saw a shadow outside, and I… I can't seem to control my shaking.”

“Nevermind that. We need to take care of all this first!”

There's the sound of the two Sisters picking up the mess of broken shards while you drift off, fatigue forcing your slumber.

“What is this strange-looking garment?” is the last thing you hear, as you lose the remainder of your consciousness.

[Index | Previous | Next]

• • •

Tag List:

@itsberrydreemurstuff

#sans x reader #reader insert #undertale fanfiction #mafia fanfic #ao3 fanfic #underfell #mafiafell #mobfell #mafiafell sans #mobfell sans #female reader #chubby reader #nun reader #long fic #weekly updates

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nyanggk · 1 year

Text

PLEASE READ !

hey guys! I know I've been ia for most of the year til now but it has been brought to my attention that an anon is spreading false accusations about me.

around a month ago or so, a rude anon sent me an ask. they were screaming in my inbox calling me names and telling me to delete 20 days before heaven.

(I blocked them but tumblr bugged and these 2 asks stayed in my notifs however they are not in my ask box anymore. i can't show u the whole ask for obv reasons. obv reason being that I blocked it as I didn't think they would come stalking me a month later)

as you all know, I've been under fire because of immature and unreasonable anons before so I've made it a point to block any anon ask that seemed like hate speech— regardless of what they're saying. I didn't answer them because they were being rude and I believe that I have already addressed this matter MONTHS ago.

this comment is an example. posted aug 6, 2022 a few days or a week after 20 days before heaven was posted.

i thought it ended there, however, just a few days ago while i was on vacation, i recieved a tumblr dm from the kflixnet admins. turns out, they have sent asks to the kflixnet admins telling them to reach out to me, tell me to delete the fic and/or kick me out of the network. good thing that kflixnet admins sent me a dm first so we were able to resolve the situation. I'm not sure what they did next to the ask (if they ignored it, answered it, etc)

though they've said that they want to address this matter privately— stated in their message towards the kflixnet admins, they have been sending immature asks towards my moots. though it is censored, it is clearly me they are talking about based off of the amount of letters and the k at the end.

once again, I'm thankful because none of my moots (as far as I know) believe this bs and didn't even bother answering

officially, I want to reiterate that I do not know about honor in the rains story. I have never had a wattpad account back then aside from a few months ago when genie (end-hypen) recommended me a jungwon fic on wattpad and read it, however besides that, I have not used wattpad at all and I did not plagiarise honor in the rain's in 27 days.

i gave the story a quick read and did notice similarities, however, besides death giving mc the chance to revive someone— which in itself is a common plot in regards to time traveling stories, my story stems out from that.

I hope you realize that not everyone lives the same life you do. people can not have a wattpad account and can be unaware of what you're saying so don't come screaming rude bullshit in my dms claiming that I plagiarised something and expect me to respond to you. note, I'm not saying I didn't hear abt wattpad back then, all I'm saying is that I've never dl-ed it (had to explain because God forbid you ppl twist my words again and start assuming)

though I've read the story, I'm not sorry to say but I will not be putting an "inspired by" or "based off of" in my notes because that would be lying, nor am I going to delete this fic because honestly, what the fuck is wrong with you people. deleting a fic isn't the answer to anything.

examples are; (1) in that story, the fem lead and male lead didn't know eo initially and tbh, she had absolutely no reason to save him and go through all that trouble for someone she didnt even no aside for the reason that she can save a life, while mine already had mutual pining.

(2) they (in 24 days) actually went through 24 days with eo while trying to convince him that killing himself isn't the answer. mine was more about the butterfly effect and how a simple kindness/concern shown towards others can make a huge impact on how their lives steer. heeseung was supposed to confess to reader but got stopped due to bullying and his life spiraled downwards. the bullying mixed with his personal problems were what drove him to initially take his life on his birthday.

(3) there's no monster trying to harm them— though they thought that there was.

(4) heeseung doesn't work at some cafe run by his parents, (5) he's not emo, (6) and he's certainly in love with the fem lead from the get go. if you read the story then you would've known.

please leave me and my moots the fuck alone. you make tumblr a worse platform than twitter.

sorry for the notif but I'll be tagging some of my moots to help spread the issue and to also let them know what's happening in the case that someone also sent them an ask in regards to this situation

@end-hyphen @forjongseong @bruh-changbin @chiyuv @1800-jaeyun @enha-cafe @enha-doodles @donghoonie-3 @evermorehoon @heetro @jayked @mimikittysblog @palajae @rikismiel @svnoohe4rts

ik it's prolly been a hot while since I've talked to u guys and I'm sorry that this had to be one of the first things u see by me in a long while 🙏

#the tags are for exposure only #enhypen heeseung angst #important!

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wrestlersownmyheart · 1 month

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“Chances Are” Ch. 12 (Book 2 In the “Chances” Series) Finn Bálor X OC

Pairing: Finn Bálor X Female OC Summary: After a traumatic childhood and a murder attempt that left her with a heart condition, Miracle Seanoa wants nothing more than to find some peace and fulfillment in her life. Working as a writer for WWE, she's shocked when Stephanie McMahon takes a gamble on her skills and assigns her to a new RAW roster member. None other than Finn Bálor—the man who'd long ago saved her life and captured her heart.

Finn Bálor left his career as a police officer behind in order to chase his true dream of becoming a professional wrestler. Working incredibly hard within NXT, he soon finds himself drafted to Monday Night RAW. He's shocked to see Miracle again, but even more shocked is he to see what a stunning woman she's become.

However, someone else has had his eye on Miracle for a long while. With his infatuation turning to a deep, dark obsession, he's not going to give up on her easily. Finn will have to resort to his past skills as a cop, to protect the woman he loves.

Because if her weakening heart doesn't kill her, her stalker just might... Disclaimers: I own nothing or anyone associated or affiliated with WWE. I own only the original characters. This is just a fictional story that came from my imagination.

Chapter Content & Trigger Warnings:

Chapter 12

Two Months Later…

Miracle was just finishing putting her laundry away when her phone rang. Without thinking, she picked the phone up and answered it without looking at the Caller ID. "Hello?"

"Miracle, thank God… I've been trying to reach you for days."

"Finn? What's wrong," Miracle asked. Truth be told, she'd been avoiding his calls, knowing they'd simply weaken her resolve.

"Gerald quit his job. He's disappeared according to his family-his brother. Baby, you need to come home."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Miracle shook her head to clear it. "You still think that Gerald is the one who attacked me? Finn, it's been two months and I've not heard from him or the attacker. Don't you think they'd have found a way to reach me by now?"

"Maybe he's trying to throw us off," Finn said softly. "I don't know, but something is off about all this, Miracle."

"Listen Finn, don't freak out. But, the attacker sent me roses right before I left my apartment. But he's not done anything else since then-"

"HE WHAT?"

"I said don't freak out," Miracle scolded. "My point is that I'm safer here. He knows where I live in Florida. He has no idea where I am right now though."

"I need to see you, love."

"I'm sorry, Finn."

"It's been two months. How much time do you need?"

"As much as I need," Miracle replied.

"You can't run from me forever."

"Maybe not," MIracle shrugged even though FInn couldn't see her. "But I'm still hurt Finn. That pain hasn't gone away yet."

"I'm sorry."

"I know you are, Finn, but that doesn't change anything."

A twinge of nausea hit her stomach then. That was happening more and more lately. Usually when she thought of Finn and how much she actually missed him. Her call waiting signaled she had another call.

"Listen, Finn, I need to go. I have another call coming through."

"No, wait. Put me on hold. Come back when you're done. I'm not finished talking to you."

She sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. "Okay, okay. Hang on." With that, she went to her other line and answered, "Hello?"

"Hey beautiful, did you like the roses?" A voice rasped.

For a moment, the comment didn't compute. "Wh-what? Who is this?"

The line clicked.

Breathing shakily, she went back to the line that Finn was waiting on. She tried to calm herself before speaking. "So, what else do you want to talk about?"

"What's happened?"

Amazed he could read her so easily, she shook her head and fought the dizziness that was threatening to claim her. "N-nothing."

"Baby, you sound terrified. What. Has. Happened?"

"Nothing, Finn. Really. Just a prank phone call."

"Why are you trying so hard to be brave? He called you, didn't he?"

"Yes, okay? Yes."

"You need to come home."

"No. It was just my cell phone number. He doesn't know where I am."

"Please, Miracle. I'll beg if I haf'ta."

"Daddy knows where I am," she confessed. "If I need anything I can contact him."

"That's not good enough, lass."

She could have sworn his voice cracked. "I'll be fine, Finn. Don't worry about me. I have to go. Bye."

With that she hung up and tossed her phone aside. Immediately, it started ringing. Checking it, she saw it was Finn again. She ignored the call.

The nausea intensified. To the point she wondered if she would be sick. She groaned softly and laid down on her bed, willing the sickness away.

}i{}i{}i{}i{}i{

Over the next few days, her symptoms of dizziness and nausea only grew more persistent. In fact, she blacked out at one point. Luckily she landed on the sofa. It frightened her enough upon waking though, that she headed to her car and went straight to the urgent care clinic in town.

Now, as she finished filling out her paperwork and handed it in, she sat and waited for her turn to be called back to an exam room.

The wait was not long as there weren't many people ahead of her. Soon she was seated in the exam room and her vitals were being taken.

"Your blood pressure is a bit elevated but nothing too serious. What are you seeing the doctor for today?"

"I am having some chronic nausea and dizziness. I actually passed out on my sofa earlier today. I thought it might be the flu or a stomach bug or something."

"Goodness. Well, we'll certainly get to the bottom of what's going on. The doctor will be in in a few moments."

With that, the nurse closed the door and Miracle waited about ten minutes before a doctor came in.

"Hello, Ms. Seanoa. I'm Dr. Newell," He introduced himself. "What can I do for you today?"

"Well, I am hoping you can help me find out what's wrong with me. I have chronic nausea and dizziness. I'm so tired all the time-"

"Can I ask you when your last period was?"

"Well, yes, it was…" She stopped to think. "It was… Actually it's been a couple months since I had one. That can't be right."

"Is there any chance you are pregnant?"

"Oh, no! No, I couldn't be… I-"

She did recall Finn's little mishap while they were making out, however. That was a couple of months ago.

"Oh, God…" Miracle said softly. "I- I think I possibly could be."

"We'll run a test. It'll take a few hours to get the results but I can have the nurse call you with those."

Miracle nodded, now in a daze. I'm pregnant, she thought to herself. It's the only thing that adds up.

She drove home after having her blood drawn. She was sure what the result would say. She could practically feel the little life bubbling up in her womb.

"What will Finn say," she wondered aloud. "What will Mom and Daddy say?" Then a dark thought hit her. "What will my cardiologist say?"

But at the end of the day, it was her baby. Hers and Finn's.

And no one could take that away from her.

}i{}i{}i{}i{}i{

Hours later, Miracle got the phone call that she was indeed pregnant. The doctor referred her to an OB-GYN and in the meantime prescribed her some prenatal vitamins. Now she had a decision to make. Who to tell first? Her parents, or Finn. Telling Finn would mean revealing to him her location, because she was not going to tell him over the phone. Likewise, with her parents.

"I'll invite them to the cabin," she thought aloud. We could have dinner and I could tell them then.

Before she could change her mind, she picked up her phone and called Ella.

"Hi, Mom," she greeted when Ella picked up. "Listen, I have something important to tell you and Daddy. Do you think you could make the trip to Uncle Jeff's cabin?"

"Of course, baby," Ella replied. "Your father is on a trip, but I'll pack for me and Nathan and grab a flight to Nashville International Airport. Joe will have to take a redeye flight because he's in L.A. right now for a show."

"Okay. Be safe, Mama."

"You know I will," Ella retorted.

After saying their goodbyes, Miracle ended the call.

"How in the world do I explain to Mom and Daddy that they are going to be grandparents," she thought out loud. I'm scared of how Daddy will take the news. What if he hurts Finn?

Taking a deep breath, she let it out slowly, trying to relieve her stress. The last thing she wanted was a miscarriage. Ever since it occurred to her that she was pregnant, she wanted nothing more than to have Finn's baby. How Finn felt about it was unknown to her, but no matter what, she was having this baby.

"So, Finn, you can get on board or get out of my way," she thought aloud.

Deciding to take it easy the rest of her day, she took a walk outside in the woods and enjoyed the sunshine.

Little did she know, a pair of stone cold eyes watched her as she hiked through the woods, seemingly not a care on her mind.

}i{}i{}i{}i{}i{

Joe's phone rang and he immediately answered it upon seeing that it was Ella.

"Hi, baby, what's up," he greeted.

"Miracle says she has some important news to tell us and she wants to do it in person. Can you get a flight to Nashville tonight after the show?"

"Of course," Joe answered. "I'm off for the next two days anyway. What's this news about? Did she say?"

"No she wouldn't say. I'm going to try to get it out of her before you come if that's okay with you. It has me worried, I can't lie."

"It's fine. As long as she tells me as soon as I get there," he reasoned.

"I'll talk to you later. I need to get me and Nathan packed and get to our flight."

"Okay, I will see you when I get there. I love you, Ella."

"I love you too."

The two hung up and Joe went about his business of getting ready for the show, his mind full of worry now.

"What could be such important news," he wondered, lacing up his boots.

"News about what," Finn asked from nearby, eager to hear anything about Miracle.

"None of your concern," Joe replied with a glare. He'd still not fully forgiven Finn for his aiding in Miracle being hurt, even though he did save her life. "Family business."

"Is she okay," Finn demanded. "Really, Joe. I need to know."

Joe puffed out a sigh, "She's fine as far as we know." He glanced up at Finn then. "And thanks for telling us about her attacker sending her flowers. I doubt she would have ever told us. The only reason I didn't go drag her back here is because she has a point. The guy doesn't know where she's living right now, he did when she was in Orlando."

"I still think she'd be safer here. With us," Finn retorted.

"Well, she happens to disagree," Joe shot back. "At the first sign of any danger I'll bring her back, you can bet on that."

"She's a plane ride away," Finn grumbled under his breath. "How in the world would we get to her in time?"

Joe shot him another glare, but said nothing.

Even though Finn's instinct was to go find Miracle and drag her back with him-caveman style-he tried his best to ignore those instincts. They would only push Miracle away further.

"She's got to come back sometime," he thought out loud. "She's got to."

If you want on my tag list, just ask! 🙂

Tagging:

@oreillystolemyheart @lookalivesunshine-x @shortyiceheart @vebner37 @claymorexpunisher

@kalliravenne @swamptrashwithasideofsass @beardedbarba @emisrose @sassymox

@pikapuff-316 @heavymetalgirl420 @bigpsychicbagelauthor @darktammy @waywardwrestlewritingwaif

@sultryfandoms @blondekel77 @demonqueen29 @amariemoore @letsgivethisonemoreshot

@thelastemzy @springgirlwaiting4fall @vampirepixi @wwenhlimagines @louisianalady

@swthrt890 @librathepheonix13 @ironshamelessyouth @moonwolfdemonprincess21 @moxkindagirl

@jstarr86 @oliviasinematic @southerngirl41 @claymoresofinfamy23 @faythewilsonnn

@donttellnoliebabygirl @keisha-knell

#Finn Balor #Finn Balor Imagine #Finn Balor X OC #Finn Balor Fan Fiction #Finn Balor Fan Fic

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gumpistol · 3 months

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❤️ + enruiinas

Send ❤️ + a URL and I’ll write something nice about them/their blog!

♪ never gonna give you up! never gonna let you doown! ♪

this is me, hanging onto dear life and clinging to saro whether she likes it or not! she is my ride or die, my brain twin, a fellow member of the AAA ( aro ace audhd ) club! i have so many things to say about her and how much she means to me, it hurts my brain trying to figure out where to start! but knowing me, it will be long, so buckle up buttercup~

i will never forget our first interaction: i filled out her interest tracker, she came to my discord dms, and i swear we barely stopped talking with each other for the next 24 hours. when i had only known her for a day, it felt like we had been friends for years!! i still don't know what to make of that, but i don't think i've ever clicked with someone that fast. but the rest is history, and now we have so many threads in various verses together!

seriously, saro has such a massive brain with so many interests and thoughts and a desire to consume knowledge like i inhale a bucket of popcorn. she is one of the easiest people to talk to and bounce ideas off of. a good chunk of my character and story development for luffy ( and others ) are thanks to her picking my brain and asking the difficult character questions! she's excited to talk new ideas and what-ifs, and LOVES enabling me to write new muses. it is because of her that i ever started writing rosinante, robin, and penguin over on my multi~

outside of writing though, she always makes me feel more excited to share and talk about my interests, including OP trading cards and my science-y rambles. SPEAKING OF! she loves me SO MUCH that today, despite hating making phone calls, she called her local card shop to see if they had a set of cards that i wanted!! as someone who also hates making phone calls, that is true fucking friend behavior right there ♡

she really is quick to think about her friends. it could be the little things, like when she saves manga panels of unique luffy faces for me that i might not have yet, sends art of our muses, shares writing resources, or even just suggests reading the same science articles or listening to the same ologies episode together. she's also an excellent listener who gives meaningful words of encouragement, who refers back to things in conversation that i maybe said months ago, and who is a huge help when it comes to getting my brain unstuck on threads.

i haven't even touched on her writing and her Law portrayal though! when i say she puts SO MUCH work into doing him justice, i absolutely mean it. she analyzes even the smallest details, and her brain worms when she talks about him and his relationships are infectious. she got me so invested that she is the sole reason lawbin is now one of my favorite ships. she is the reason i put so much time and effort into a side character like penguin. and she is why i put so much stock into law and luffy's friendship. i. am. hooked.

and i know she gets a little worried about the length of her writing sometimes, but the waiting period is worth it. the quality of saro's writing is so organic and it flows like reading a good novel. i'm convinced at this point that i could come to her with any sort of thread or verse idea and she could weave it into a beautiful story. god i'm so stupidly eager to write with her always!!

anyway, i wrote so much, but such is the nature of anything we write for each other. there's a lot that i didn't even get around to talking about, but in summary, saro is incredibly kind, fun, and so brilliant it makes me want to SCREAM! i love her a lot, she is one of my best friends ( if she disagrees then too bad ), and i'm incredibly happy that i get to be her friend :)

sent by: @mingos for: @enruiinas

#enruiinas #mingos #long post cw #❝ its not like ‘thanks’ are something i can eat ❞ — answered #❝ adhd thought dump ❞ — ooc #sorry not sorry for how long this got #the first mistake was putting saro's url in my inbox #i will not shut up about the bestie

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ofmymuses · 6 months

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heads up! below the cut is long and personal (probably oversharing too KSDFJH)—

hi friends!! i'm in the mood to word vomit about the past few months so, here goes nothing~ if you have any comments or questions or anything like that, both my dms and inbox are open ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ ♡

so, i've been in a transitional "era"(?) for the past few months as i try to navigate a whoooole lot of change - too much change almost. i won't get super into it rn but one of the changes is that i've recently made the decision to stop my antidepressants.. and let me tell you.......... it's been an experience; like i said above, i'm trying to navigate all of these new thoughts and feelings since coming off

obviously i've noticed a big change in myself - mostly with how i think and how i feel emotions. i can't afford therapy right now so i've been talking to my best friends and my fiancé instead and we all agreed that i have bpd (they're diagnosed with bpd so i very much trust their opinions). despite this, i'm still going to get professionally diagnosed once i save enough money to do so. regardless of what it is, i've known that my brain's wiring is different for some time now so i can't say i'll be very surprised

i don't think i ever really showed symptoms of bpd before because i was medicated, you know? but now that i'm off of it, my true self is shining more. it's been interesting learning new things about myself. it's honestly really cool learning things about myself that i didn't know before. but i (desperately) need to learn how to manage all of these new experiences because i've never dealt with them before. i'd been on meds for....... god. a very long time. if anyone has any recommendations for videos or books or posts about managing bpd or anything along those lines, i would appreciate them being sent my way!! i probably won't publicly answer them so that i can save them so thank you in advance to anyone who sends resources my way ♡♡

something i also wanted to quickly note is my fiancé.. so, as you may know, i broke up with my long-term boyfriend back in the summertime and shortly after that, i met the literal light of my life. we met at school but how we "met" was just us looking at each other across the room and smiling. i eventually wrote him a little note that i liked his art and when i went to the washroom, he slipped one back saying that he really likes my smile and the rest is history 🥺 we just recently moved in together into the cutest little apartment we went to the mall not long ago and we were looking at one of the merchandiser's jewelry and he jokingly said something along the lines of: "i would ask you to marry me with one of these $10 rings, i don't care" and i said back "and i would say yes" so he told me to pick one out and i picked up the first one that caught my eye (it resembles a tiara with a blue heart in the middle + white crystals going across).. at this point, the cashier was almost done ringing up his order so i had to pick quickly and it turned out that the one that had caught my eye fit perfectly on my ring finger. so i took that as the biggest sign of approval and went with that one. later that night, i got him to help me adjust it and as he was giving it back, i told him to ask before giving it back (mostly as a joke) so he got on one knee and "proposed" before sliding it on my finger. technically, it was a proposal and i did accept but we're seeing it as more of a promise ring until he can get an actual ring. but i still like to call him my fiancé and he calls me his girl + his wife and i'm just :'')) very happy

sooooooooooooooo, yeah! that's pretty much all i wanted to dump DFGKHGJ this year has been the biggest transition of my life but i finally feel like i'm where i'm supposed to be. i don't know if this is going to make any sense but the person i created myself to be in order to fit in growing up doesn't fit the environment i feel i'm supposed to be in so unlearning everything and letting my authentic self come out has been challenging but so rewarding. it has made me a bit sad that a few of my family members have been worried about me because imo, there's nothing to worry about. but anyway

i feel like i could go on and on about the shit that's been going on but one or two topics is enough for now. so thank you for reading my brain dump! i hope you have a lovely rest of the weekend 🥰

(also i didn't proofread this so please ignore any mistakes)

#just dumping thoughts ngl. this is the first time i can use my pc in a few weeks SDFKJH #delete later #noninspo

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casdean-jenmish · 2 years

Text

My Home • S. Stan

Pairing: Sebastian Stan x Reader

Word Count: 1.3k

Summary: “My home is wherever you are.”

Warnings: heavy mentions of miscarriage, mentions of lost loved one, the kind of angst that makes your heart twist, violence???, just angst man

I stood in the bathroom looking at the non-existing bump. The pain in my heart was still raw. Just a week ago I was feeling the first little movements out of our sweet angel. Now all I have are some black and white photos and the little heartbeat stuffed into a teddy bear that Scarlet sent me. I miss you bug. I wish you were still here. I could feel the tears piling up at my waterline as I thought about how happy Sebastian was when he found out. The man practically tackled me onto our bed when I showed him the five little sticks that read positive.

I stepped out of our bathroom and began making my way into the nursery we had started to set up. The walls were painted by Sebastian and I. They were a pale blue with big white clouds painted on top. A beautiful dark wood crib set up in the middle with a gorgeous mobile above it. A rocking chair with matching wood to the crib in the corner next to the changing table and collection of stuffed animals. It's not fair. Why did it have to be our baby?

I walked over to the teddy bear that was the most important item in the room. I brought it close to my chest and closed my eyes as the heartbeat began to thump. You would've been so important to this world. I felt the tears rush down as I held the bear close to me, imagining it was our sweet baby I was holding tight in my arms. I buried my nose into the teddy bear's head and let out a choked sob. I'm so sorry I couldn't save you.

"Baby." I felt another sob rip through me when I heard Sebastian's voice. "It's all my fault Seb." I cried feeling my legs begin to shake. I felt arms wrap around my middle before we slowly fell to the ground on our knees. "Don't ever think it's your fault sweet girl. These things happen all the time." I could hear the crack in his voice as he tried to hold his emotions in. I know it's hard on him too, god I know it is.

"Our baby should be here still. They did nothing wrong and yet-" I sobbed as held tighter onto the bear, making the heartbeat start again. I could feel tears hitting my shoulder as Sebastian rested his head in the space where my neck and shoulder met. "I know sweets. I know." He cried. I felt his arms tighten around me as the both of us sat on the floor letting the emotions overtake us both.

——————————4 Months——————————

"There's my favorite person." I smiled lightly as I seen Holland. He wrapped his arms around me and gave me a tight hug. "How are you?" He whispered. I could feel tears fill my eyes at the question. It's been four months and I'm still not okay. "I'm alright." I said patting his back. He pulled away from me and gave me a concerned look. "No you're not." He said. He began to rub my arm, but I knew that if he continued I would start crying again. So I do what I've been best at here lately, I moved away from his reach.

"Y/N-" "Please don't Tom. I can't spend today crying." I said. I swallowed down the lump in my throat as he gave me the pity eyes. "Hey, it's my favorite Stan!" I took a deep breath as I heard Anthony. I looked over seeing him and Evans headed my way. I put a tight smile on my face and accepted the hugs they were giving. "Where's seabass?" Anthony asked making my heart stop. Good question.

"I'm sure he'll be here soon." I said giving him a reassuring smile. It didn't get me very far though, Evans was always quick to pick up what was happening. "You guys aren't talking are you?" I gave him a small huff as I tried to hold back the river of tears threatening to spill. "Y/N-" "Guess it wasn't you to make me cry today Tom." I said feeling a tear slide down my cheek. I looked up at the three men and gave a small smile. "Tell Scar I said happy birthday." I said before making my away around the three of them.

I could feel more and more tears falling as I made my way through the house. I made sure to hide my face as I weaved in and out of the people. I quickly grabbed my coat and walked out the front door. With tears falling rapidly, I put my coat on and began making my way down the steps. I wrapped my coat around me tighter as I clung to my own body. I knew this was a bad idea. Showing up, especially without Sebastian. I let more tears fall as I thought of the blue eyed man. I miss him so much.

I kept my feet going until I reached my car, relief washing through me when I realized I was able to finally go home and cry by myself. I walked over to the driver side and immediately climbed inside. Therapy is supposed to help right? So why haven't I been able to move on? I tried to start the car, I really tried. Instead I ended up clinging to my wheel as sobs ripped through me. You ruined it all. You lost your baby, you lost your husband, you lost your friends, everything. It's all your fault. I practically screamed out a sob as I started hitting my steering wheel. Why won't the pain just stop?!

My fight or flight kicked in as I heard my door suddenly open and hands reach to stop mine. Immediately I turned and began to hit the chest my eyes were focused on. "Hey! Hey! Y/N, it's just me! Baby, it's just me!" I paused as the voice registered with me. Sebastian. My wrists began to warm up as his hands wrapped around them, stopping my actions. "It's just me sweets." As he bent down to come eye level with me, I felt the ache rush through my body. There he is, the man I love. The man who became my entire world. My fucking soulmate.

"What happened? Are you okay? Did you hurt your hands?" He asked, his tone so gentle. He looked so good. Then again when doesn't he look good? He looked like he was hurt, but healing. I caused that. I ruined us. I ruined him. His face fell as he looked me over. "Oh sweet girl, have you even slept?" He whispered. He brought his hand up to cradle my face and I immediately broke. "I'm so sorry for ruining us, ruining you." I cried placing my hand over his. His eyes filled with tears as he watched me breakdown.

"You never once ruined me in a way that wasn't wanted. You are the woman I chose to be with for the rest of my life, thick and thin baby. You never ruined me or us." He whispered placing his other hand on my thigh. "You ruined you sweetheart, with all that guilt and rage. You continue to blame yourself and beat yourself down when it wasn't your fault." The words hit hard, but they were true. Everyday I let the guilt and anger control me. I let it take control over me and my actions.

"I couldn't stand watching the one person I love more than anything in this world ruin herself and god when you told me to get out-" he paused and took a deep breath. "Walking out that door will always be the biggest regret of my life, sweet girl." He choked out. I closed my eyes as he leaned his forehead against mine, pressing a kiss to the tip of my nose. "You will always be my love, my sweetest girl." He whispered. I opened my eyes seeing his beautiful blue ones staring back at me.

"Come home." I croaked out. I see relief wash over him. His hand moved from my thigh to the other side of my face. "I'm already there." He whispered swiping away my falling tears with his thumb. "Because wherever you are, is my home sweets."

#sebastian stan #sebastian stan x reader #my writes #CasDeanJenMish #CasDeanJenMish writes #man this one hurt #sebastian stan angst #fanfiction #bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #sebastian stan fanfic #sebastian stan fic #sebastian stan fandom

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idolsummons · 8 months

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❛ what do i do ? what do i do ? ❜ for ren

breaking down

Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.

It was the only phrase going through his head as he paced around the once bright and bubbly living room of his once good friend Hana, now with curtains drawn so that only the smallest slivers of light could sneak their way in, the light bulb having blown God knows how long ago and the only light which would be offered coming from candles posted around the house - were they lit.

He ran a hand through his hair.

The front door had just been open. So long had it been since he'd seen her that Ren had started worrying for Hana's wellbeing, and he'd really only meant to knock, but when the opportunity presented itself, how could he not make his way inside?

And that room, too, the one which was always locked, the one he had dared not question because he was always met with some form of a girl's allowed to have her privacy and that too sweet smile that made him forget why he'd even asked such a stupid question in the first place, had been unlocked this time. How could he not have had a little peek inside?

I'm an idiot. A fucking idiot. Why'd I look? Why didn't I see this coming?

But Ren couldn't be blamed for thinking Hana's secret had been one that was comparatively innocent, rather than the dark room with various tomes, some ritualistic symbol drawn in red upon the ground, with the parts of animals - I hope those are from animals - kept in jars on the shelves and the golden knife stained with crimson.

There had been a book standing open upon a lecturn, though he hadn't understood any of it and, quite frankly, he hadn't wanted to spend any more time in that room than need be, but there had been some notes scrawled in Hana's recognisable print that he had caught.

Transmogrification.

This has to be a joke. I know she likes some creepy shit but this is a whole other level. This has to be, I don't know, some messed up kinky shit she was embarrassed about.

What do I do? What can I do?

So lost in his own thoughts was he that he didn't notice his company until it was too late. Beast-like talons dug into his head and he was sent to the ground, knocked out cold.

He groaned as he awoke.

Slowly but surely his vision returned to him.

When he opened his eyes, the first thing he saw was...

'Hana?'

But it wasn't the Hana he was so used to, the sweet and cheerful idol who had suddenly quit her career some months back. She was pale now, a slight gauntness to her features which he did not recognise, like she had not been eating much, more so, and her gaze seemed to pierce right through to his soul.

'I wasn't expecting you, Ren. How's your head?'

A chill washed over him - over his bare skin, as he realised he's been stripped of all clothing but his underwear.

'Hurts like hell. What -' He tried to sit up, only to find his wrists bound by chains, and his ankles in a similar state. He redirected his original question - what's been going on? - and instead asked, 'What have you done?'

Hana got to her feet and wandered to the lectern, where she began flipping through the book that sat there page by page.

'I've restrained you.'

He laughed nervously. 'What for?'

'So you wouldn't get away.'

'I don't know what sorta shit you're pulling, Hana, but I -'

'You shouldn't have come here.'

'What?'

'You came over and peeked into my off limits room, but luckily you're just in time to be of some use to me, which saves me the trouble of going out and finding someone for this purpose.' Hana hummed to herself for half a minute or so - one of the very songs she made famous - before asking, 'Did you know it's a new moon tonight, Ren?'

Ren felt his heartbeat getting faster and faster; it felt as though it might leap out of his throat. 'What're you gonna do to me?'

Hana smiled. 'I'm going to give you what you've always wanted.'

'I don't want this,' he said quietly. Then, louder, 'Let me go.'

Her smile turned into a frown. 'You don't?' She looked up from the book before wandering back to Ren and kneeling down again. 'Every scar tells a story, y'know?'

He could feel himself freezing up. Hana's voice, now, was back to that same cute tone she'd use through the course of her work as an idol.

Hana took hold of Ren's left arm and turned it so that his scars were visible to them both. Her nails dug into his skin and he hissed through the pain; they felt more like claws than nails. 'And you have so, so many of them. But look -' Hana took her right arm and turned it over, revealing scars on arm and hand alike - 'I have some, too. But I don't think ours serve the same purpose. You wanna tell me what yours are for, Ren?'

Silence, drawn out for too long, but he didn't know if it was seconds or minutes that passed before Hana continued, 'Well, you don't need to tell me.' Her free hand travelled up to his neck, where her thumb ran over the long scar which sat there. 'Because you tried so hard to hide this one from everyone, but I still found it. You wanted to die, didn't you? Or maybe you still do?'

Ren averted his gaze.

Hana laughed, and a chill ran down his spine. 'It's okay, you don't have to answer.' She picked up the golden knife, which had sat unseen at her side. She brought the dagger to his torso, blade puncturing his skin and, as she carved something into it, through Ren's cries and shouts, said, 'I'm going to help you, and you're gonna help me. Seems like a fair trade, right?'

When she was done, having not broken eye contact with Ren once, she looked to the image she had created before smiling. There was a wickedness to it which Ren had never associated with Hana before that day.

He could feel the warmth of his blood pooling on his skin.

'Hana...' Ren managed through his sobs.

But her eyes were closed as she chanted words in a language that made his skin crawl, as though she was in some kind of a trance, raising the knife until it was above her head all the while.

It was only when she was finished with her chant that she opened her eyes once more - they looked unnatural, filled with a darkness one would only expect to find at the very edges of space - and asked, 'Anything you wanna tell me before we do this?'

Silence.

Tears rolled down Ren's face.

I don't wanna die.

Hana gave him a sad smile. 'I didn't think so.'

She plunged the knife down.

His final thoughts were of how he loved her once - in this life and a previous one, where he recalled something not unlike this happening before...

#look i think i'm the only one who cares about my au where ren keeps dying by hana's hand #but i'll make other people love it in time >:3cccc #also ty for the prompt!! this got a lot longer than expected!!!#anonymous #q #little slices of an existence ･ﾟ✫ drabble

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lily-of-rabanastre · 4 months

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Ascilia, Chapter 14—Excerpt 01

Good God, my writer's block has been absurd these past two months. Here's hoping there's still an interest in this fic. Here's an excerpt, though when I say that I really mean it's all I've managed to write.

The earth and stone shuddered beneath Ascilia’s boots, smoldering ash trickling down upon the wind, gracing her cheek with its stinging warmth. The sounds of cascading water rang about her ears as the ocean overheard rained down upon and around the ruins of Radz-at-Han. Amidst it all were wisps of black-gray smoke, the telltale sign of Ahewann’s impending transformation. To hesitate now might spell the end of countless lives.

Yet trepidation welled within herself, and her concentration began to waver.

Before her knelt the voidsent Garmr, a towering golden hound. Her body shimmered with the wind, her soul half-faded as it coalesced into a violet crystal between Ascilia’s palms. Yet she was still here. There was still hope for her… so long as Ascilia stayed her hand.

“... Now is not the time for reluctance,” Garmr chided, her voice firm in spite of her fading soul. “Thine allies await thy return. Prithee, hasten mine end and rejoin the fray, lest thy souls be consumed utterly in the wake of a newly born blasphemy.”

“I’m sorry. I know I agreed to do this, but…” With a soft sigh, Ascilia lowered her head in shame, averting her eyes. “I just can’t seem to bring myself to do this again. I can’t bring myself to take another life in vain.”

“Bit of a bleeding heart, ain’tcha?” asked Curlax, rolling their eyes as they zoomed through the air beneath her gaze. “Just a moment ago you and the big mutt were enemies. What makes you think she won’t kill you if you refuse?”

“That lunk head’s got a point,” Moebius chipped in, their gossamer wings beating close to her ear. “Back when she was Cerberus, she had to be kept on a pair of tight leashes, else she’d snack on anything that moved—voidsent or otherwise.”

“Must thou bare my shame so carelessly?” Garmr complained, shaking her head. “But nay. Though well intentioned, thy worries are misplaced. I will not bring harm upon your master or her allies… so long as my will remaineth mine own.” Then, leaning forward, she gently pressed a hooked claw into Ascilia’s cheek. “Nevertheless, ‘tis better to unburden thy guilty conscience sooner than later. Speak thy mind, child.”

With another sigh, this one far heavier than the first, Ascilia moved to grasp the claw. They hardly had the time for this, but if it would set her mind at ease, she saw no reason not to bear her heart to her would-be ally. “In what feels like a lifetime ago, I sacrificed my living flesh and bound my soul to Hydaelyn, that I might serve as a vessel for Her will. And though She soon regained the strength needed to survive without my aid, I was then sent across the rift between worlds, that I might intervene to save a world from a fate precariously close to your own.”

At this, Laragorn tilted their head and furrowed their brow. “Wait, you’ve been to another world before?”

“What would that make her, a lightsent?” asked Curlax, before leaning in to sniff Ascilia. “Ehh, that’s more floral than light…”

With a sudden slap of their hand, Moebius reprimanded the fiery sprite. “Cut that out! Do you have any idea how rude—”

“Carry on with thy crude antics at thine own peril!” Garmr barked, baring a furious toothy grin. All at once, the sprites scattered, hiding themselves behind a spot of rubble. Seemingly satisfied, she returned her attention to Ascilia. “Pray continue. They will not interrupt thee again.”

“Thank you, hm hm. As I was saying…”

As she retold the story of her efforts on the First, Ascilia’s gaze drifted towards the churning black sea above. There was little she needed to share. Her success in halting the Flood of Light, her subsequent reincarnation—in truth little more than a case of body snatching. The life she led as the “new” Minfilia, training alongside a boy named Ran’jit, and her inevitable second death. The resolve she felt to carry forward onto the next vessel, and the guilt burying her own will, leaving each subsequent child to carry that legacy herself. Death, rebirth, and life, again and again, until at last her final successor stood before her...

“... In the end, I gave up any hope of true rebirth to grant a girl named Ryne the power Hydaelyn bequeathed to me. Were it not for Her own guilt for Her part in my sacrifice and suffering…” Taking a deep breath, she lowered her gaze to meet Garmr’s once more, catching sight of her own reflection in the hound’s glowing eyes. “In spite of the natural order, I live again. But ever since the day I came back, my mind began to wander o’er the past, wondering whether the choices I’ve made were the right ones after all.”

From a fair distance behind her, Ascilia heard the Dream Stooges whispering and muttering to themselves. Though their words were unintelligible amidst the din of roaring floodwaters, the feelings behind them were clear to her. Confusion and skepticism gave way to acceptance alongside a bizarre sense of kinship—it seemed their pasts as voidsent resonated with her own fate as the Oracle of Light. Such feelings were a sign of their continued loyalty, if nothing else.

But what truly touched her was the gentle look in Garmr’s eyes as the towering hound laid down beside her, resting her disheveled face against Ascilia’s thighs. “We are the same in some respects. Slaves to Fate, bound inextricably upon Her wheel. Yet though I empathize with thy sorrow, I can only wonder at its depths.”

“And I yours,” Ascilia nodded sagely. Though her Echo could easily lay those depths bare for both of them, it seemed they’d already reached an understanding. “But your understand now why I can’t simply bind your soul into memoria—”

“Thou dost not want to,” Garmr corrected her. “But thou must. If thou dost not—”

“You’ll become a monster again, I know.”

Pausing for a moment, Ascilia did her best to compose herself. There had to be something she could do for this creature. Something to entice her to keep living. Something to justify her continued existence, when her soul longed for oblivion. But only one dismal prospect came to mind.

“If the cause of your insatiable hunger is your existence as a voidsent,” she began, her voice firm, “I believe I have the means to cure it. Here in this dream world, you are lucid. Though many ages have passed since your transformation, you still remember. And therein lies the path to salvation.”

“Do not make promises thou canst not keep,” Garmr grumbled, shifting her weight. “... Go on.”

Reaching down to stroke the hound’s furry ears, Ascilia continued. “Roughly half a year ago, a… friend of mine devised a means to not only rebalance the recipient’s aether, but also purge them of a primal’s influence on their mind and soul.”

“Wait a minute,” Laragorn interjected, fluttering back into her peripheral view. “Does that mean it can detransform us?”

As Garmr bared her teeth at the sudden intrusion, the hair on her back grew visibly tense. “Did I not warn you—”

“Tis alright, Garmr. Be at ease,” Ascilia soothed, breathing a sigh of relief as the hound lowered her head once more. Glancing over to the fiery sprite, she frowned and shook her head. “I’m afraid it’s not quite that simple. The transformation into a voidsent is not only mental and spiritual, but physical as well. But as souls without bodies, that shouldn’t be a problem for the four of you.”

“True enough,” Laragorn nodded. “We’ll have to fix that. Can’t say I’m thrilled with the idea of sharing a body again. No offense.”

“Nor am I,” Garmr grumbled, drawing their attention to her. “But regarding these means you speak of—dost thou have them on hand?”

“I… I don’t,” she answered, her lips curling into a frown. “But I can procure them within a day at most, if you’ll just give me a chance.”

“And thou wouldst attempt to contain my voracity until then? Knowing full well the price of thy failure?” With a shuddering sigh, Garmr pulled away from Ascilia, towering over her as she sat down once more. For a moment her expression was firm. But soon a solemn smile graced her lips, and she continued to speak. “Not since the death of my master have I known such kindness. Yet my stance remains firm. Thou wilt finish what thee started, and seal mine essence in memoria. ‘Tis for the good of all, yourself and mine.”

Ascilia lowered her gaze, her heart sinking deeper and deeper. So dearly did she wish to bear that burden, and not merely for her newfound acquaintance’s sake. In this golden beast she witnessed a reflection of herself. One who had walked a path not dissimilar to her own. To save her soul and grant her life anew was to justify her continued existence in a world that had long left her behind.

And yet, at the same time, she could not help but admire her resolve. That, too, had been the same as her own.

“... I want to live this new life of mine on my own terms,” she declared at last. “I’m sorry, but I can’t—I won’t take your life from you.”

“As stubborn and sentimental as her to boot,” Garmr grumbled, before uttering what Ascilia could only assume was laughter. “Pfah! Have it thy way, child of Hydaelyn. Thou needn’t deliver my memoria unto the sea of souls. Pray, keep it with thee. Mayhap one day thou wilt find a means to awaken me from mine eternal slumber.”

“Hey, that’s a great turnaround!” came the voice of Curlax from behind her. As she turned her head to glance at them, she snickered at the sight. It appeared that, while she had been focusing on the task at hand, they and Moebius had silently been fighting. The latter now held the former firmly in a headlock, much to her bemusement. “And here I thought you’d have to fight the big mutt all on your lonesome!”

“She’d have had our help, knucklehead!” Moebius berated their companion, before catching sight of Ascilia and sheepishly letting go. “Uh-um, I wasn’t… sorry, I mean. We just wanted to get all the… shenanigans… out of our system. Ain’t that right knuck-uh, Curly?”

“What they said!” Curlax squeaked, effortlessly slipping out of the headlock. “We’re just having fun, that’s all!”

“I swear, those two never change,” Laragorn declared, rolling their eyes before slipping their hands behind their head. “Neither do I, really. We sprites try to live every moment in the moment until we’re gone. If it weren’t for the flood—but we’re trying to put the past behind us, right?”

“We’ve all a nasty habit of poorly timed reminiscing, hm hm,” Ascilia chuckled. Turning back towards the towering hound Garmr, she bowed her head and put forth her open palms. “Apologies for the delays. Are you still prepared?”

“Mh,” Garmr grunted. And as Ascilia began the process of drawing her essence apart, her soul fading into an indistinct core of light, she let out a loud yawn. “What a curious sensation. I did not expect to feel the warmth of thy soul… ‘tis slightly skewed towards water, and possessed of a gentle light…”

“So I’ve been told,” replied Ascilia. “How are you feeling…? This isn’t hurting you, is it?”

“Nay. I am… merely… tired…”

As the last of her essence coalesced into the space before Ascilia, she closed her palms around it, forcing it to compress. Smaller and denser the cloud became, until at last it was small enough to fit into the palm of her hand. From there it shifted and hardened, taking the form of a crystal the size of her hand. For just a moment it kept the same hue as Garmr—golden yellow, a sign of immense light-aspected aether. Swiftly, however, that color began to change. At first it merely seemed to refract that selfsame light, taking on the many hues of the aetheric spectrum. Yet soon after a black-violet mist began to course up from somewhere within its depths, growing along the contours of its surface until it completely obscured its depths.

“So that’s a memoria,” Laragorn remarked, eyeing the crystal. “Never had the chance to see one up close. Poor Garmr, though. I guess since she’s lost consciousness, her aether returned to its, er, ‘natural’ state.”

“It should still be possible to purify this crystal,” Ascilia suggested, though in truth she wasn’t entirely certain. “And once I’ve learned how to reverse the process, I should be able to restore her to life. All things considered, this arrangement—”

Just then there was a bright flash, and the sound of crackling thunder. The ground shook beneath her feet, and a wicked wind kicked up all around her. Though she’d hardly been around her long enough to know her magicks by heart, it was clear to her that Mikoto had gone on the offensive. She, Lily, and Rubedo had engaged the enemy.

Slipping Garmr’s memoria away for safekeeping, she summoned a sword and shield into her firm grip. “‘Tis best we get moving. Laragorn, will you and your kin scout the skies and guide me to my allies?”

“Right away, boss!” Laragorn chirped, giving her a stiff salute. “Come on Larry, Moe! We’ve gotta fly!”

#ffxiv #ffxiv fanfiction #galbana lily #minfilia warde #wolfilia #post endwalker #endwalker spoilers #ffxiv endwalker

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