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#gonna post it on here bc its so much work i need SOME kind of recognition for it at least lol
southern--downpour · 1 year
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been in the art building for nearly 12 hours now. going fucking crazy
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toastsnaffler · 3 months
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woke up feeling ruffff but took my meds and went back to bed for a while n I feel a bit better
#only slept 4 hrs yesterday so was rly hoping to get a solid nights sleep today bc i probably won't tonight....#but i didnt sigh. but my options are either to plough thru w today and make myself do this even tho i dont rly feel like it#or cancel plans and stay in and mope which will inevitably turn into self harm so rly the latter is a non option lmao#its all okay ill get into the swing of things n have a good time once im thereee#and i always knew i was gonna feel a bit like this like its an open wound for me i just need to be careful not to touch it#bc how i feel isnt based in reality its just insecurity n vulnerability n ik it can take months to fully recover from a previous episode#and part of the recovery process needs to involve facing potentially triggering situations instead of avoiding them#bc otherwise ill get increasingly worse bc its not possible to always avoid and ill be defenceless again when it does happen again etc#like its part of rebuilding my sense of self n confidence n hopefully i can eventually start to trust other ppl again n lower my guard#bc it sucks being contorted into this defensive pose all the time and i would like to allow myself to feel genuine connection w others !!#and to stop instinctively flinching and waiting for the hit im tired of my mind telling me ppl r lying + trying to hurt me when theyre not#im being a bit dramatic like i am doing a LOT better than i was a few weeks ago. n i def can handle this one#and the risk of triggering myself is much much lower anyway in this specific situation. so long as theyre not hiding shit from me again#i can think of several ways that risk could skyrocket n unexpectedly spiral out of my control n it makes it hard to breathe just imagining#but i need to believe that it wont. so if-no WHEN it doesnt then next time ill have proof that i can navigate it n i wont feel so anxious#it makes me laugh how stupid this is from an outside perspective. my brain causes me so much weird n 100% unnecessary distress#but its the only brain ive got n will always have so i need to work with it!!#anyway all that aside i genuinely am rly looking forward to this afternoon!! ive rly wanted to start doing more nice things for myself#n the fact it coincides w missing smth that could incite my rsd is kind of for the best even if it is making me anxious#i cant let my life revolve around anticipating how ppl might upset me n basing my decisions off minimising that damage#n while it would be nice to have company.. well ik its just as fun going alone bc ive done it before! n i need a reminder of that#ah im gonna turn myself in circles if i think much more. i dont need to justify anything#i hope they have a nice time and i hope i have a nice time and i hope that eventually someday we can have a nice time together instead#of separately. and i hope that someday ill feel included and wanted by other ppl and wont be posting on tumblr every time this happens LOL#this comes across like im saying i need to learn how to enjoy my own company or whatever but i prommy i already do..#what i actually need to learn is how to trust n enjoy the company of ppl i care abt without constantly being scared theyll hurt me....#but thats not happening today cuz i got other plans woooo OKAYY im gonna stop ruminating and get some chores done sjdkfh#.vent#<- well not rly a vent bc its not like im channelling feelings here im just rambling bc i have a lot on my mind. but still#this is prolly incoherent i keep putting my phone down and doing other things and then adding another thought LOL
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insipid-drivel · 5 months
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Warhorses: Which horses are actually good candidates, anyway?
This post is in honor of @warrioreowynofrohan, who asked the question in the comments under my guide, "Horses: Since There Seems To Be A Knowledge Gap". Their question, "Given what you said about too much weight breaking a horse’s spine, how did that work with knights in plate armour?" is one I'm going to try to answer here, since the answer can be very nuanced depending on where and when you're talking about.
Also, while I was a stable hand for years as well as a rider, I never had the opportunity to directly learn more ancient styles of tacking, horse training, and combat, so I don't have any direct experience to draw from with regard to horses used for military purposes. I'm still gonna do my best here with what I know, and research what I don't.
As I've covered in the past, large horses (draft horses) make less-than-ideal warhorses, and so do carriage horses like the elegant and dramatic Friesians.
Let's begin by addressing this from the perspective of creative writing. For you writers and content creators out there, an essential part to the continuity of any historically-themed work you do involving horses will be depicting breeds of horses that didn't exist before a certain time in history. I'm going to approach this question from the stance of, "Medieval-type era warhorses". Horses were used in warfare as late was World War II, but actual horses you ride into battle with knights and archers and bannermen? We actually have to drop the subject of specific modern breeds altogether aside from using them for comparisons.
When discussing warhorses, various cultures have approached them differently. Some cultures will value a specific type of horse above all others, such as the Mongolian Steppe Horse or the American Mustang. Other cultures, which may be from biomes and territories where multiple types of horses are needed for different forms of warfare and tactics, value whichever horses can get their jobs done without their riders getting killed.
Carrying vs. Pulling:
Horses have been used in warfare since as far back as 4000 BC, but their first applications were more as chariot horses. Humans have been riding and working with horses since before we even had stirrups to more easily ride them with! As archaeologists and anthropologists make more discoveries, the more we learn that we humans have been working closely with horses since before we had specialized tools to ride them with. The very first warhorses pulled chariots or carts, which is much easier for a horse's anatomy to handle compared to carrying a heavy weight like an armored rider on their backs, which puts stress directly on their spines where they have very little supporting muscle for supporting a lot of heavy downward weight.
Warhorse Size Categories:
Really, any breed of horse can apply to a niche in warfare if it's needed enough. Even very small, delicate horses have had their place in the history of human combat! Before I continue, it's important to know that there's a unique unit of measuring a horse's height. Rather than measuring a horse's height in centimeters or inches, they're measured in units called "hands". A single "hand" = ~4 inches/10.16cm, and a horse's height is measured based upon the distance between the bottom of their hoof to the tallest part of their shoulders, just at the base of the back of their necks. We don't actually include neck length/head height in a horse's measurements with traditional measuring.
Another rule of thumb: The average horse cannot safely carry anything heavier than about 30% of their total body weight. This is a serious factor to take into mind when deciding on a type of or breed of horse for a mounted warrior of any kind: You need to factor in the OC's starting body weight, and then add on the weight of armor, weapons, and any armor the horse itself may wear along with the weight of its tack.
Light-Weight Horses:
A few examples of lightweight horse breeds whose ancestors have historically been used in combat are Arabians, Barber Horses, and the magnificent Akhal-Teke. Lightweight and delicately-boned horses like those are best applied for military maneuvers that require precision, speed, and endurance, and the rider themselves should specialize in some form of combat or reconnaissance that doesn't require them to wear heavy metal or laminated armors. Archers are good candidates for riding smaller horses, or lightly-armored swordsmen like an Ottoman Janissary.
Central-Asian and North African horses also benefit from having a higher tolerance for hot climates. They can absolutely suffer from heatstroke and cardiac arrest from being forced to run and work in extreme temperatures and should always be provided with the same protective measures in a heatwave as any other horse, but they have a little bit of an edge over horses descended from freezing and temperate climates.
Medium-Weight Horses:
Medium-weight horses started showing up in the archaeological record around about the Iron Age, where chariot warfare was becoming an increasingly utilized form of mobile combat, and people needed bigger, stronger horses capable of pulling heavier loads - such as a chariot with two passengers rather than just one. As cultures began to develop heavier-duty armors made of metals and laminated materials, it also became important to breed horses that were tall and stocky (muscular and with relatively short spines compared to their height), and therefore more capable of carrying riders in increasingly heavy armor. Medium-weight horses were also essential at the dawn of the gunpowder age when the cannon came into use in siege warfare for pulling the heavy, iron cannons into position.
Medium-weight horses are really where we see the beginnings of knights and other warrior classes on horseback come into the forefront of warfare. When you have a horse that's big and strong enough to carry heavier armor and heavier weapons along with a rider wielding them, you have a much deadlier force at your disposal. Strikes from a sword or spear from the back of a galloping horse basically results in a sword capable of cutting through enemy soldiers like a hot knife through butter.
Important Note: Traditionally, cavalrymen wield blunt swords when attacking from a charging horse's back. When a horse is charging at full speed, the sharpness of a blade becomes less important than the blade's ability to stay in one piece when it impacts hard armor and bone. A blunted edge basically turns a cavalryman's sword into a thin club that's better at holding up against smashing through multiple layers of armor and bone compared to a thinner, more delicate sharpened edge that can shatter from a high-speed impact.
Heavy-Weight Horses:
The direct ancestors of modern draft horses, such as the Shire Horse, only began to appear around about the beginning of the European Medieval Era, and were far and away not even close to the enormous sizes of the draft horses we have today. Any horse counts as a "Heavy-weight" classed horse if its weight exceeds 1500lbs/680kgs.
Heavy-weight horses were really more bred for pulling enormous weights rather than carrying knights. While yeah, there is some evidence that suggests that heavy-weight horses were used by heavily-armored knights, historians argue a lot about whether it was a rule or an exception (such as with Henry VIII, who continued to ride well after he had begun to weigh more than 350lbs/158kgs, and even went to war in France in his final years on horseback). Generally speaking, medium-weight horses tend to be the right balance of agile and strong for carrying someone that's going to actively be fighting. Heavy-weight horses were bred to be a lot more tolerant to the chaos and frightening stimulation of the sounds of battle, but medium-weighted horses generally tended to be more suited to moving efficiently through dense packs of soldiers and weaving around other horses.
Ponies:
While actually being the smallest class of warhorse, ponies were essential when it came to carrying cargo and working as pack-horses. In certain forms of terrain, such as mountains, large horses pulling big carts full of supplies or soldiers could often be extremely impractical. In situations where an army needed to move on foot and form a narrow line in order to travel, ponies were able to traverse much narrower and rougher terrain while carrying smaller loads to their destination, when heavier horses would struggle more under their own weight and dexterity.
Europe-Specific Terminologies:
If you're a writer reading this and writing a piece set in the European Medieval age, there are specific terms used for the different classes I listed of warhorses above that I'm gonna list:
Destriers: The Destrier was a universal term for the iconic knight-carrying, jousting horse. They were also sometimes referred to as "Great Horses" due to their reputations in combat settings. Destriers could have just about any appearance, but were rarely taller than 15.2 hands, or 62inches/157cm. They were capable of carrying heavily-armored knights (although knights in full plate mail rarely rode into battle and stayed on the horse the entire time - they tended to specialize at grouping up and killing a lot of footsoldiers swarming them at once and preventing breaks in defenses from being overwhelmed by an oncoming army; in the case of Edward the Black Prince, we have substantial evidence in the form of his surviving brigandine that a mounted soldier or knight was more likely to wear chainmail and brigandine with a tabard on their body with their arms, feet, and heads the most heavily armored in plate when they intended to fight on horseback, making them a little lighter and more maneuverable, but I may be waaay off base there because I'm thinking of more of Italian soldiers who used full plate and how they applied it in battle more than any other example) and wearing armor themselves.
Interestingly, the sex of a destrier was often chosen strategically. Stallions (horses that haven't been neutered) are more aggressive, and could both act as combatants on their own if their knight was dismounted or killed, but could give away an army's location if they were attempting to move stealthily. Stallions whinny and shriek a lot when they're horny or arguing with each other, which is most of the time.
Mares were often chosen by Muslim armies for being much less vocal, and therefore much more capable of stealth. Geldings (neutered males) were the preferred mounts of the Teutonic Knights, a Catholic military group, since they couldn't be stolen and used to breed more horses for the enemy army.
Coursers:
Coursers were the most common Medieval European warhorse. It's important to remember that in Medieval Europe, most armies were almost entirely comprised of common men - serfs subject to the will of their landlords, not far removed from slaves in many ways - who couldn't afford the highly-prized and expensive Destriers. Coursers were usually a bit lighter than Destriers, but were still strong enough to carry someone wearing armor. Coursers were also a little more utilitarian, because they were also sometimes used in hunting as well as warfare, so they had a valuable use outside of warfare that the owner could benefit from.
Rouncey:
A rouncey was an all-purpose horse that could be used for leisure and travel-riding as well as be trained for war. They were a lot more likely to be found on the farm of a serf or independent farmer of some kind, as they could fill a lot of different roles depending on what they were needed for. Their sizes weren't really important as much as their ability to get the job done.
It's also critical to remember that, when talking about warhorses, we're usually talking about eras long past. In general, thanks to resource availability and incredible advances in medicine, modern humans are significantly taller, and therefore heavier, than people from the European Medieval era and prior. While fatness was valued in many cultures for its suggestion of wealth, most working-class and serf-class people worked intensely physically-demanding daily lives just to maintain their own homes. They were a few inches shorter on average than we are today, had greater fluctuations in body fat distribution depending on how harsh or bountiful the harvest season had been and the season in which a war was taking place (the average person's weight would swing by 30lbs or more on average every year prior to the industrial era), and cavalry were usually chosen based upon skill in the saddle as well as physical size when considering the application of medium or heavy armor being placed on the horse's back and body.
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rzyraffek · 1 year
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I have a little smut request, if you don't like or don't want to write I understand that's alright.
When slashers are take a shower then S/O suddenly get in
Bo please must have him, I love this man too much, and Vincent, Lester, Brahms, Thomas, or other slashers you want to write. (or you think I pick too much you can pick some, but please Bo must thank you so much❤️)
I just think this will be fun
Oh, btw, I very love your work so perfect so wonderful so amazing❤️❤️❤️
Yall really love Sinclair's😭😭 ALSO THANK YOU V MUCH IM GLAD YALL ENJOY MY BLOG!!!! Before you read that I need to remind yall that I DONT USUALLY WRITE NSFW STUFF SO DONT EXPECT ANYTHING GREAT HERE!! Request open
Nsfw, but nothing too detailed, they/them pronouns for s/o
Shower zegz with slashers
Bo Sinclair
Our guy will make sure that they will remember that shower for long time
Yknow when you just vibe in shower and you accidently touch cold wall with your back and get all cold and upset? Yeah if s/o has the same problem.. too bad he doenst care they are getting pinned to that wall in seconds anyways
He loves seeing their face, how they react to his actions and words, how their body moves because of him
Will comment A LOT, expect a lot of praising, some cruse words and alot of growls tbh
He marks them 100% one way or another. Bite marks, Hickeys ( alot of them), ect
Afterwards he gonna bring them a towel and make sure they can go to bedroom and rest there for a while. This guy isn't the best at aftercare but he isn't heartless!
Vincent
No bcs he will blush sososo hard😨😳
Like they have to make first move cuz this guy will just stand there awkwardly looking like he has stick up his ass
He gonna be so gentle with them💖 carefully grabbing their hips/hair and enjoying the view moment
Tbh he loves grabbing their hair and vice versa, if s/o is touchy he gonna be sosos blushy
Also afterward he gonna wash their hair probably🥰 making sure they at least get out of this shower clean lol
Brahms Heelshire
Nah bcs this guy will be the one to actually pull them into shower, like s/o was just vibing doing their skincare routine and this guy just grabbed them and yeeted them into shower
He gonna act like he just wants to spent time together🙄🙄 yeah totally
Pls make sure that s/o calls him good boi or he gonna bite them
Also ngl he probably looks sexy asf with wet hair
Incredibly affectionate, yall will be extremely close to each other for the whole thing. And expect him to wisper and growl into s/o year
Thomas Hewitt
This babi will be soso confused??? Like???? Oh you wanna shower together?? Yeah sure ig I don't mind???
Again s/o has to do first move cuz he won't even think about asking them about that type of stuff! Hes a gentleman he would neverr.. unless they ask him ofc
S/o gonna forgor how to walk for few hours at least
He just gonna pick them up and pin them to wall like s/o weights nothing (tbh it doesnt really matter how much they weight this guy picked up adult men and whooped other one at the same time without any struggle, really dont worry)
He cant really tell them how he feels so he just gonna gently pat them or nuzzle them.
He will feel bad afterwards when their legs shake or when they can't really walk 😓
Micheal Myers
Tbh the only reason he showed was bcs they promised him that he will get reward later. Fr this guy stinks
Sex with him is incredibly akward. He doenst make any noise nor shows any kind of affection? Maybe he gonna carry them to bed afterwards or bring them towel?? Like this guy never heard about aftercare, or care overall tbh
He will never show it but he loves when s/o gives him affection or tells him nice words, how good he is and how great his doing his job rn
Not my proudest one! I really suck at nsfw stuff sorry😓😓 also I had nightmare and there was Bo for some reason ?? But he had heavy cowboy-texas accent ??? Idk why. Anyways its 2am yall have great rest of day
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linatheweirdooo · 12 days
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Don't hurt me
I wrote this fic on ao3 originally as a vent, but due to the positive reception I'm gonna post it here too :3 here's the link to it on ao3 if you wanna give it a kudos or reply or read any other stuff I wrote bc I don't plan on posting that much on here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/56567776/chapters/143770822#workskin
TW; implied S/A (it's hurt/comfort but the subject is mentioned and implied)
~~
It all happened so fast.
The sensation of water trickling down her synthetic skin, the studs of soap covering her body. It was a normal day, V just wanted to take a shower to clean herself off after an especially bloody hunt. Until she slipped.
Her entire frame collapsed onto the soapy ground, and her optics struggled to make out what was happening. Her processor overwhelmed with the sensory information from all fronts, it retorted to its only defense; to connect this situation to something familiar, something that has happened before.
In her disoriented state, instead of seeing the shower in her home, she saw a room in the old manor. And instead of feeling water slide down her hydrophobic shell, she felt hands. Hands that were distinctly human. Hands of the people whom she still can't remember the faces of, violating her. Touching her in places she shouldn't be touched, abusing parts of her body that are too sensitive for it.
This was stupid. She was a robot, she was a servant, why would she care if she was used? Wasn't that what she was made for? She shouldn't be whining.
Poisonous words from the person seemingly executing this echoed in her audio receptors. Even when it happened, V could bearly make out proper sentences.
V just yelled for them to get away, but her pleas proved vain when nothing changed.
Eventually, she succumbed to it, with only whimpers and muffled sobs with the occasional "stop" escaping her mouth.
~~
N was out today, which only left Uzi and V in their home, but the purple worker couldn't help but feel slightly worried by how long her girlfriend had been in the shower, she was usually quick.
But Uzi brushed it off. Maybe she's doing some self care for herself. V was responsible, they've known each other for a while now. Long enough to build a life with her and N.
That was until she heard V's voice, muffled by the walls of the bathroom and too far away from Uzi to make out any actual words. But why would V be yelling? There's nobody else in the house other than her, right?
Uzi panicked, but took a deep breath. She needed to stop assuming the worst all the time. So she calmly (albiet still quickly) walked up to the bathroom she was in and knocked on the door.
"V? You okay?"
No reply. At least, no reply that was directed at Uzi. It was hard to tell what she was saying, which worried her. Uzi does know V has a... complicated past... but even after getting together, she didn't talk about it more than she needed to. What if she was stuck in some kind of flashback?
No. No jumping to the worst case scenario. She'll just ask her again.
"V? Did something happen? Can I come in?"
No reply again. This was now a cause for concern, so Uzi opened the door, only to see her girlfriend on the floor of the shower sobbing and whimpering.
Immediately she ran up to V. But the disassembly drone sat up and made eye contact with Uzi.
Fear. The thought that V was even capable of the feeling had never even crossed Uzi's mind, but the hollow yellow rings that replaced her eyes were all that stared back her girlfriend.
V looked sad, tired, and scared, and while she has shown more emotion in front of her partners than she would to anyone else, this was different. It was raw, it was unfiltered, and it was heartbreaking. Her wet hair covered parts of her face and water was still pouring over her. She looked helpless.
"V?" Was all Uzi got to say before the disassembly drone tensed up and her endoskeleton started to shake. Pants and suppressed sobs were all that escaped the drone in front of Uzi, and when she tried getting closer, V cowered, pushing herself on the floor into the corner of the shower.
With her knees to her chin, one cone-shaped arm wrapped around her legs and the other in a protective position, hiding most of her face, V looked...vulnerable.
Noticing her girlfriend's reaction, Uzi moved backward. V must've thought she was someone else. Why else would she be this scared at the sight of her own girlfriend? Did Uzi do something?
V seemed to relax slightly, but she still looked like a helpless, terrified kitten in the rain. It hurt Uzi to see someone so important to her look like that. Only a year or two ago, Uzi would be scared of V, stating what she would think would be her final words if she crossed by any disassembly drone. Never in a million years did she ever entertain the idea of dating not one, but TWO of them. And now one of them is terrified of her.
As Uzi prepared to speak again, she heard V mumble something mixed with a sob. Uzi's audio receptors may not be as advanced as her girlfriend's, but she could make out a few words.
"Don't hurt me" were those words. The rest were lost to the sounds of whimpering and water from the shower hitting the floor, but Uzi's heart sank at the thought of what those words implied.
"V... it's me, Uzi"
It was a softer tone and volume, and it seemed to have worked as V relaxed a little bit and lowered her hand. However, she was still shaking and her eyes were still hollow.
Uzi leaned down to get on V's level, in an attempt to make her more comfortable. "it'll be okay" she comforted. Maybe it won't be, she had no way to tell, but it may help calm V down. She grabbed the towel V had hung on the hanger. "Can I get you out of here?"
V, still shaking and her eyes still hollowed, nodded. She didn't say anything, as if her voice were being held under a lock and key.
Uzi got into the shower and turned the water off as V stared at her, with digital tears hanging from the eyes displayed on her screen.
The worker drone reached out a tender hand to her girlfriend's cheek, which she immediately leaned into and closed her eyes.
Now that she was closer to V, the stress lines under them were more obvious, and as she brought back her hand, Uzi draped the towel over V like a blanket.
"Do you want me to dry you off or do you want to do it yourself?" Uzi asked in a loving tone.
V took a bit to respond, but she then replaced her eyes with text that read "I'll do it, but stay here" before adding on a "please".
Uzi nodded in response, and V blinked away the text as Uzi used one hand to interlace her fingers with V's and the other supporting her other arm, lifting it up and allowing V's limp body to stand at its full 5'11" height.
V took the towel that was hastly draped over her and wrapped it around herself after she had dried off the plastic and silicone that shielded her insides from the elements.
Uzi looked back at V once she was done but before Uzi got the chance to marvel at how beautiful her girlfriend looked, V collapsed onto Uzi before clearing her throat and spoke.
"Can you..." She paused, as if she was incapable of asking Uzi to do anything for her.
"Can you brush my hair?"
Her voice was scratchy from the crying, and her voice was still shaking despite thinking all the tears were gone. Maybe it was from embarrassment. The strong and terrifying Serial designation V asking for help? She might as well be dead at that point.
"of course..." Uzi smiled before going onto her tip toes and closing the gap between the two drones in a short, soft, loving kiss.
~~~~~
Uzi walked out to let V change, and after a few minutes she saw her girlfriend in a baggy purple sweater collapse into a hug, burying her head into Uzi's shoulder.
"..'m sorry for scaring you" was all V said, partially muffled by Uzi's shirt.
But Uzi just hugged her back and smiled into V while running her fingers through her girlfriend's still partially wet hair. "Its okay, it's not your fault"
V must've believed her. Or didn't feel like arguing. Because she just hummed in reply before pulling away from Uzi and sitting on the edge of their bed infront of the worker.
As Uzi played with V's hair, she wondered what must've happened. Who did V think she was? Why was she scared? Was she stuck in some kind of memory? What was happening in it?
She didn't want to ask too much. V was already secretive about her past even after getting together. But if it was hurting someone she cares about so much, she should at least ask her if she's okay now.
So she asked.
"What happened in there?" And immedietly felt bad. What if she was forcing V to re-live this memory? Was she overstepping a boundary?
"Uh.." V stopped in her tracks, almost trying to remember what just happened before Uzi cut off her train of thought.
"N-not that you have to tell me! It's just-" Uzi sighed. "I just want to know if you're okay"
A moment of silence passed, but to Uzi it felt as though it was a thousand years, and to V, half a second.
V took a deep breath before adjusting her position so that her knees were to her chest and she rested her face on them. "No... you deserve to know. Just-" another beat passed. "- just... i-it's just hard to talk about... uh.."
It was hard to keep talking, trying to figure out which words to carefully string together to form a cohesive sentence. She shouldn't be nervous, but she hasn't really talked about this to anyone. Her mind just kept flashing back to moments she has tried so hard to forget every time she wants to attempt to tell the most important person in her life what happened.
"V? You okay? You don't have to talk, you know"
Shit. She zoned out.
V collected herself and rehearsed what she'd say in her head. Why was she overthinking? She can trust Uzi.
"I..." Her eyes trailed down, and Uzi moved to the left of V to get a better look at her.
"Th-this was like, a long time ago and-"
She stared at her hands, and watched as she fiddled with them to relieve a bit of her anxiety. Or was it fear? Nervousness? Even she can't pinpoint the feeling. But, she does know she needed to talk about it.
"When I was a- uhm... w-when I worked for the Elliot manor... there were some...bad people" she took a slightly shaky breath. Uzi could probably see that V wasn't okay. Maybe that's why she rested her hand on top of V's after she said that. And despite the topic at hand, and emotions racing through her head, V made eye contact with her girlfriend and smiled. Not the sadistic smile she sported in hunts, or the beaming one she wore when Uzi said that magic three-letter word after asking her out. It was soft. It was okay. She's safe with Uzi.
So she took another shaky breath, and continued. "They hurt me. And... the ways they did that, varied..."
Uzi's digital eyes displayed slanted lines, reminiscent of human eyebrows when someone was sad.
"A-and one of those ways... included parts of me that I still wonder why I have. Maybe it was to feed their sick fantasies" it was hard to talk about, but the lump in her artificial throat was smaller as she found herself getting more comfortable.
V opened her mouth so speak, but choked on a sob that she had been trying to suppress. Damn it. She can't be crying now. She supposed to be scary. What was she even doing right now? She was stupid to think she can be vulnerable. She's supposed to be big and scary.
While V spiraled in her thoughts, hypocritically degrading herself for things she did three seconds ago, she snapped out of it by a sudden weight, and arms wrapping around her.
It was Uzi hugging her.
Suddenly, she couldn't control it anymore, and V let out more sobs as she finally broke down. Uzi held her through all of it, she even moved in front of V to face her. And as V sobbed and cried into the crook of Uzi's neck, she wrapped her own arms around the worker, despretly shaking and clawing onto her to make sure Uzi will never leave her side.
Between V's slightly muffled sobs and sniffles, Uzi lifted her head slightly to plant a kiss on V's cheek and whispered comforting words into her audio receptors.
"I'm here now" "Its okay now" "im sorry", they all helped but sounded the same to V. Until Uzi said a particular phrase.
"You didn't deserve that"
What a joke. She absolutely did. Maybe she hadn't done anything bad when it happened but the things that were done to her was probably something whatever higher being looking down on her did to punish her ahead of time. Maybe they thought it would stop her from doing the horrible things she did later in her life as a disassembly drone. In reality V didn't deserve Uzi. Or even N. She doesn't deserve loving partners who care about her. She doesn't deserve the affection she received from them or any forgiveness that they gave her.
But V couldn't even muster the energy to say that. Uzi would probably tell her it was absurd to think that way. Maybe it was. It was hard for someone programmed to serve people to imagine those people may be bad.
At some point in her thoughts, V's sobs got reduced to just occasional hitches in her breath, and her digital tears were replaced with tired lines under golden eyes. And they were very visible to Uzi, who pulled away from the hug and was now holding V's larger hands that were slightly illuminated by the yellow triangles on them.
"Hey, it's getting late. Do you want to go to bed now?"
V blinked a few times and looked at Uzi, then to her own hands. Hands that were made to kill people like Uzi. But right now, hands that were being held by her. And she watched as Uzi's thumbs brushed along her palms.
"Yea. Maybe" V finally sighed, and leaned onto Uzi, who pushed her own weight towards her and hugged her harder.
An "I love you" escaped the purple drone as she rubbed soothing circles on her girlfriend's back. It almost made V start crying again.
She was fine. Everything's fine now. She'll never be hurt that way again. She's loved now.
She's loved now
V's voice shaky from the newly built up tears, she reciprocated the statement
"I love you, too, Uz"
It was quiet, muffled, half mumbled, but it was enough for Uzi to hear her and squeeze her girlfriend tighter.
They shuffled a bit while cuddling, and ended up in a position where Uzi was spooning V. There's a first time for everything, she guessed. But it wasn't that bad, being cradled by the one she loved the most.
Minus V's purring and occasional sniffle, it was relatively quiet. But, it was comfortable. Uzi subconsciously ran her fingers through V's hair as V listened attentively to the rhythm of Uzi's core and wrapped her tail around Uzi's leg. Getting used to how clingy and physically affectionate V was took a bit of time, especially since before dating, Uzi's only ever seen her murdering people, playing with their corpses like dolls only to animalisticly take a bite of her prey.
But it was nice. Paired with V's purring, Uzi really enjoyed cuddling with her, too.
It was a while before V broke the silence.
"You know... I never thought I'd ever tell anyone that experience, much less to a worker"
Uzi looked down at V in her arms, which caused V's complimentary eyes to look back at her.
"Not that it's a bad thing. I'm really glad I could finally talk to someone about it. I never thought I'd see myself this close to someone like you. You opened my eyes to a diffrent way of looking at things, and I'm forever grateful we met. I'm sorry I was such a dick at first."
Uzi's face softened at the remark before she leaned down to kiss V's hair
"Don't say that. You were scared. And you've changed" Uzi paused to cup V's face in her hands and lean in for another kiss, V holding the back of Uzi's head.
"I'm glad you trust me enough to talk to"
V didn't talk, but her smile and blush spoke a thousand words. Uzi just held V to her chest and continued playing with her hair.
It continued like that for a while, until V's "eyelids" grew heavy, and she eventually succumbed to her exhaustion.
~~
Uzi didn't know how long it's been, and frankly she didn't care. That was until she heard footsteps walking into her room before she saw the unmistakable yellow headband of a disassembly drone.
"Hey Zi d-" N cut himself off as he saw V asleep and walked over to Uzi.
"Did something happen?" He asked Uzi in a hushed tone, careful not to wake the drone laying in his girlfriend's arms.
"...Yea. I don't know if she would let me say what happened, but..." the worker looked at the murder machine curled up in her arms, asleep, and smiled. "...she's fine now" Uzi replied, petting V's hair.
N's face shifted to a sympathetic smile as he sat on the edge of the bed and eyed V.
"I hope she is" was all he said before going behind Uzi and snuggled up with her, hugging her from behind before he too fell asleep.
Which left Uzi alone with her thoughts.
V was right, though. A few years ago Uzi's life was hell. It was hard to even avoid hurting herself. But she's so glad she didn't. Now instead of walking to her home after a shitty day at school to be ignored by her father, she walks home after another day of university to a home with her girlfriend and boyfriend, ready to tell them about her day and hear about theirs. Now she looks forward to life, as long as she has her two favourite people in it.
Eventually, Uzi also fell asleep, being hugged by N and V, and hugging the latter back.
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fanofthelamb · 3 months
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lovely art you make please never stop!!!
WAAA TOO SWEET. thats it. MOREEEEEEE ART DUMP!!!!!!!! im not sure how many of these i posted but!! i think mostly it's all new!!!!!!!
I wonder if this'll become a thing for me. BAHAHAH
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scrapped ref page i've made before ^^^^^ it was similar to nari's except it turns out the red's color jitter was too extreme.... the grren was AMAZING tho. Comments with the pieces btw!! and 30+ pics I think?! So expect a long ass post. :) this isn't even all the unposted art, just the stuff I thought was good enough to post!
First thing's first! How about a comic I never posted? I was kinda embarrassed by the writing of it, but this WAS just something to help Rue. (You might notice a lot of the art in this thread was sent to Rue and never posted. Sorry Rue. little of this is new for you. sone is tho. orzzzzz)
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Woah? The lamb has feelings? The lamb has bad feelings about their past?? Who knew. Shocker. (also LMFAO AT NARI IN THIS HE REALLY SAID "oh ur crying? I'll give you a reason to cry")
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something to kind of help storyboard out the animation i'm tryna work on. its not going well. turns out that shit is hard.
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and some beyond the grove narinder. yall eat BTG nari UPPPPPP.
speaking of BTG? how about some panels of a future page? Chapter 1 still. feel free to laugh at how strangely i draw the draft. ti works for me!
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back to normal nari. IN PANTS!!!!!!!!!!!
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THIS isnt actually a drawing it's a real image taken of me and rue
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i dont know if i posted this or not, actually. i am not a big fan of it, though.
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i need to draw leshy and val more </3
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idk if i posted kalladad either BAHAHAHAHA
also, i dont know if i posted THIS either. i dont SEE it but i could be wrong ?
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now how about a couple of kissing booth scraps?
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long with the scrapped comic where narinder kills and eats the face of the goat. </3 rip that thing (the goat LOVES fighting and LOVES someome who can beat thier ass almost as much)
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and some heket bullying her brother (she wuvs him tho)
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i dont know which acc i posted this to, actually. i drew this bc rick kept reposting halflife shit BAHAHAHH
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oh and here's a vent piece or two i made with annona. they seem harmless enough to post i guess? i wish i made more content with them.
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i jsut wanna chew them between my molars like a marshmallow.
this si also sometihng i made for rue BAHAHAHAHAH HAVE I POSTED IT? IDK.
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and of course, the least toxic totally-not-abusive-as-fuck pairing of lamb and the red crown. this isnt exclusively BTG related but I dont know how much interest people would have with him being a character on FOTL? he is 1000% having his own role as his own charavter in BTG though.
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oh, and this guy i wanted to post forever ago, but i needed time to adjust to his design. this is the best i have made of him and it might be what sticks. he's leshy's uncle. (took worm baby in after both his siblings went missing)
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more nari, because he's my most popular scrumplie. probably bc i draw him the most and a lot of my stuff is nari centric. nude nari because i literally couldn't think up what i wanted to draw on him. i was gonna edit clothes on later and forgor BAHAHAHA
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i actually dont know if i posted this too? this is tyar and baal <3 baal was pretty shocked to have learned vitas was tyar's spouse. he's still not ready to talk about it, but he does want to ask the lamb about it one day.
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and some childhood memories i never finished.
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i MIGHT have posted this one ?
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i posted pieces of this page but here's the full:
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Another day, another I'll build castles for you, my love (look at me, not my brother) snippet post. And a poll for you guys at the end bcs I'm left uncertain about a scene, ie whether to put it in or not.
I reached 15.5k words on Rosinante's part, and that's not even with all the descriptions I still need to write (collapses). It consists of numerous things: his life at Marineford & meeting Reader, his friendship with his crew, proposal, wedding, married life, his decision to take on the Donquixote Family mission, and the main part of course being his 2 weeks spent with Law & Reader at the house. I'm gonna put 3 snippets here, one for Rosinante x Reader, one for Law & Rosinante, one for Doflamingo x Reader. All of them are mostly dialogue, bcs I really want to show the vibe of the fic without showing too much, and just the difference between the brothers overall.
Writing some of Doflamingo's thoughts really had me: "YOU ARE NOT IN HOLY LAND, IN FACT THERE IS NOTHING HOLY ABOUT YOUR THOUGHTS, SOMEBODY ARREST HIM OMG 😭😭" the only NSFW for now is just Doffy & his thoughts, and honestly, I'm fine with that being the only nsfw part of the fic? I'm just not yet confident enough writing actual smut, but I'll try it for them both cus they both love Reader 😤
Okay, onto the snippets:
Rosinante x Reader
“Rosinante,” you said. “I think you love your brother.”
Rosinante’s fingers paused mid-way in grabbing the empty bowl. You grabbed it instead, while he stared at you, mouth open, frozen in the moment.
You looked at him, and he felt naked. His heart was beating all around his body, and he wondered if he unconsciously put up a Silent bubble around the two of you, because everything felt so quiet, so intimate.
“If you really hate your brother, then I think it’s fine not to be able to forgive him. But, you’re a really kind person, so it looks to me like you love him despite of everything. It’s really admirable.”
“I won’t ever forgive him for abandoning you,” you said, frowning as you continued picking up the dinnerware. “He isn’t my brother, after all. To me, he’s a stranger who hurt the man I love, so I won’t be able to ever forgive him!”
Rosinante felt like his heart would explode; it was beating so fast, the thumping beats incredibly loud, resounding in his ears. He felt hot all over, and he felt himself starting to sweat.
Your expression softened when you looked at him.
“But, you’re different,” you said softly, staring up at him lovingly. You smiled at him, gentle and beautiful. “And I love that about you.”
That was it. Rosinante's body reached its limit after such words. It caught aflame from the inside, his face turning tomato red, steam exploding from his ears as the blush painted his entire face crimson.
Rosinante & Law (get ready for a gut punch)
“You’re not gonna die!” yelled Rosinante.
“Promise!” yelled Law.
“Of course I -” started Rosinante passionately, but Law cut him off.
“No!” yelled Law. He turned his face up toward Rosinante, and Rosinante felt like all the air was punched out of his gut at the sight of Law’s pleading, agonised face, his big grey eyes full of tears. “Promise if it doesn’t work, if the Op-Op Fruit doesn’t heal me, you’ll take me back here! Where I can… be with you and (Y/N)-san!”
Rosinante’s eyes widened, staring at Law.
Law’s trembling, tiny fingers clenched tight onto Rosinante’s pink dress shirt. “Promise that we’ll go to the beach every day, and we’ll have barbeque with your friends together. They’re not like them… they… they feel real.”
Law went on. “Promise we’ll eat meals together at the table, and pick cabbage and tomatoes together!”
Law… thought Rosinante, his eyes filling with tears.
“And when I start dying…” Law’s voice cracked, and he looked down, his fingers gripping tighter on Rosinante’s shirt, “when it starts killing me… I want you and (Y/N)-san to hold my hands!”
Law sobbed, his body trembling with the force of it, his snot clogging his nose.
“I don’t want to die alone!” cried Law desperately, the words coming from the depths of his chest.
Rosinante’s lips trembled, his heart weeping for the boy. His hands reached out, and wrapped around Law, pulling him close.
“Of course, kid. I promise. I promise, Law.”
“You won’t die alone,” said Rosinante, tears sliding down his eyes.
Law bawled into Rosinante’s shirt, clinging to him tight, weeping. Rosinante held him tight, cradling Law's head to his chest, hugging him close to his heart.
Doflamingo x Reader
“Your husband wasn’t a saint.” sneered Doflamingo, brows furrowed.
“Neither are you,” you replied firmly. “You were going to kill him either way, whether he was a traitor or not. Rosi chose how he would die, and it wasn’t for you.”
You continued glaring at the man swathed in the pink feathers.
It was for Law. All for Law. He wanted Law to be healthy, to be free. Rosinante wanted that so much he was willing to abandon the marines themselves, playing a double game with them and Doflamingo, fooling them both, getting the fruit for Law. Never in his life did Rosinante lie to Sengoku - the man was his adopted father, after all.
Except once.
When he told Sengoku he would stay away from the island.
Doflamingo’s smile fell, his mouth settling into a thin line. For a long, tense moment, he didn’t speak.
Doflamingo smirked, his smile curved like the moon.
“Well, I can imagine how much more it must hurt then, that he didn’t live for you.” he said, the cruel words coming out in a tone of nonchalance, folding his long arms behind his head, putting his right leg atop his knee. He tilted his head toward you, still wearing that devilish smile, and said, “He wasn’t even alive long enough to find out you’re pregnant.”
Your stomach hurt. Your heart wept.
Doflamingo didn’t give you time to recover. He went on.
“And where is he now, huh? Your marine hero? Where is my little brother to protect you from me? I’ll tell you where. Bottom of the sea. Do you want to know why I’m here and he isn’t? Because he let the marines brainwash him, made him hate me, and stuck his nose in my business. I welcomed him back with open arms, without any questions asked, and he spat in my face.”
Doflamingo spoke it all with a smile. Soon, that too, was gone. “Do you want to know why I’m the leader of the family?”
“Because I’m not afraid to get my hands dirty. Because I’m not soft like my father, or my brother. Because I don’t let my emotions cloud my judgement. When there’s a problem, I handle it. If my family is threatened, I protect it, no matter what it takes, no matter who I have to kill. The world won’t bend to a fist with no weight, or a good-hearted fool.”
“And that’s why your husband is dead and you’re stuck with me.” Doflamingo sneered, his grin demonic, wide and cruel, filling your vision. “Because he was the weaker one of the two of us.”
****
Okay, so for the poll, I am indecided on whether Law & Doflamingo should meet/interact at the hospital when the baby is born, as both will be present there in that location. I'm of the thought Doflamingo would, as delusional as he is, let Law do as he pleased with the "oh, he's having an indepentant phase, I'll leave him alone and he'll come back to the fold" attitude since Doflamingo doesn't know Law witnessed him killing Rosinante. But then another part of me is thinking Doflamingo might attempt a grab for Law since Law is still 1) not as strong 2) still young and frail-looking (even despite getting a full ass growth spurt from 110 cm to 150-160 cm after healing himself from the Lead Disease)
Taglist: @fanaticsnail @daydreamer-in-training
Oh, and have this pic of how Law & Rosi would be at home with Reader if Rosi survived. (Because if I have to suffer, so do you + this is def how Law looks like in the fic next time Reader sees him after Rosi's death)
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activesplooger · 2 months
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Progress Update on some WIPS! + teasers! :) | Doe!Reader x Alastor SMUT | Help Me: Part 3 Vox x Assistant!Reader | His New Obsession: Reader x Yandere!Vox
a few days ago i posted a screenshot of some WIPS, and i thought I’d give a progress update! + teasers! i promise im working on everything guys i just want everything to be quality :) ive also been quite busy so, yeah!
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Doe!Reader x Alastor SMUT 1/2 DONE
About halfway done! Maybe a lil less than halfway? So far I’ve gotten a lot of the exposition out of the way and im starting to get onto the dirty little smutty part ;) its taking awhile bc ive been busy ALSOO smut is hard asf to write and writing deer themed smut is even harder! lmao guys the amount of deer mating season research ive done is crazy im definitely on some type of watch list now bc of my weird search history lol. I’ve gotten a lot done though! Should be out soon, I’ll let you guys know when itll be out when I get more of it done! A teaser is on my page if u wanna see it!
Help Me: Part 3 Vox x Assistant!Reader
i dont rlly have an exact fraction amount for how much is done lol. i promise i didnt forget about it guys 🙏 i have the whole story pretty much planned out! all the scenes and stuff i want to include (+ the ending duh) are all written down! perchance ill do a bigger teaser tmrw idk sometime this wknd maybeee. I have all the scenes planned out and ik how the whole story is gonna go i just have to articulate it into words and spice it up! :) stay tuned!!
teaser!:
“The Vee's empire grew exponentially and are now the three top overlords in hell. You still worked for Vox, however, your job description changed over the next few years. A lot changed over the next few years…. You went from being introduced as “This is Y/N, my friend and assistant!” to “This is an employee of mine, she won’t be a bother.”.”
this whole paragraph is subject to change, i wouldve done a bigger teaser but im just so unsure about the other paragraphs i might literally delete it all and redo them and i dont wanna edge u guys like that lol.
His New Obsession: Reader x Yandere!Vox
OK THIS ONES SO RANDOM BUT LEMME COOK LMAO. this one has SO MUCH BUT ITS NOT EVEN CLOSE LOL. its gonna be like pretty smutty i think like toxic sweater electrocute my fukin pussy type smut. its gonna be a big one bc im trying not to make it into different parts but that might change. its gonna be a fat minute till it comes out im just chipping away at it every once in awhile 4 fun! :))
teaser!:
“Yes, dear,” Vox gestures to Papermint standing idly in a corner, “This one over here will also be my assistant. You’ll handle the more personal needs of mine while Papermint handles more business related needs.”
“I see…”
Vox, completely entranced by you, puts your resume down and extends a hand out to you across the desk, “Well, that’s all I really need! Congratulations! You got the job!”. Winning sound effects could be heard from Vox’s speakers as he congratulates you.
“Oh! I-Is that it..? No questions..?”
“Nope, I’ve seen enough- Actually, what size are you?”
“Uh… Why?”
“For your uniform, of course!”
(this is also subject to change btw! im slowly doing it its just kind of a fun lil random thing i like to do when i need a break or just feel like it)
stay tuned folks! if u wanna be tagged for any of these lmk in the replies!
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lackofbrains · 10 months
Text
i dont really know how to work tumblr posts and im not really a good writer but i wanted to write a velvet x reader story since theres hardly any on here
story info:
its kind of angst but like ends with fluff or whatever its called
so basically you’re like a pop artists along with velvet an veneer, and you’re like almost more famous than them and velvet gets really jealous and starts to hate you, but in the end she realizes she doesnt.
—————————————————————————-
y/n's POV
"so y/n your new song is at the top of the charts!" the interviewer fred or whatever his name was said, i honestly couldnt care to remember his name. "yeah. im so greatful for everyone who listens to my songs i wouldn't be here without all of you!" i replied directing the last part towards the audience in front of me. they all cheered in response and i smiled a bit, loving the attention and thankful for the fans. "awww, thats so sweet! so we need to know, is there any new songs in the making?" he asked me really prominently on the need part. "welllllll" i drug out my word trying to thing of a good response. i get really awkward and anxious around huge crowds, kind of a bad thing for a pop star but. "i may be working on a new song, look out for teasers on my instagram." im so excited for the new song to release its definitely gonna be one of my best songs yet "okay we'll make sure to check!" he glanced down at his watch, i guess the interview was finally over thank goodness. "well, y/n. looks like our interview is sadly over, it was great having you thanks so much for coming" he said "no, thank you! this was great-" i stood from the comfy sofa i was on "and thank you all for coming!" as i said that the crowd went crazy, mount rageons screaming all over the place. it was kind of overwhelming so i probably walked faster than i needed to off stage, as i got backstage i blew out a sigh of relief, thankful for the opportunity to spread my music but also thankful it was over.
                                velvets POV
"ughhhhhhh" i groaned "i cant stand her and her goody two shoes self, shes so annoyinggggg" i complained to my brother, veneer. "shes not annoying velvet, she seems really nice." he replied to me, i abruptly took my feet off the coffee table they were on and turned to him. did he really just say that to me. "why are you defending our competition!" i basically screached at him, "sorry, velvet. i wasnt lying though, you just like to see the bad in people" he sighed, crossing his arms like the sassy twink he is. "i cant stand you sometimes! its like you want us to be second best." i really did not understand why he was defending someone thats trying to take MY crown. i got up off the couch and walked away from him, i mean yeah she may be nice and pretty but shes trying to take whats mine and that cannot happen."
(time skip to some award show thingy that i just made up bc it helps the plot)
                                y/n's POV
looking around i see so many different singers, some well known, some not as much and probably werent even invited in the first place. as my eyes scan the crowd of celebrities, looking for my friend, f/n, they land on no other than veneer himself, standing with my mortal enemy, velvet. the green haired twins were my competition and i had to beat them. i honestly didnt mind veneer too much, he seemed like a nice guy. velvet on the other hand, i had a totally different opinion on. ever since she basically said my music sucked in an interview of hers, and no i don't just watch all her interviews(yes you do dont lie), i havent liked her, thats an understatement. i cannot STAND velvet.
as i was in my own little word of dislike towards the prettier twin, i didnt notice someone standing right in front of me. i looked up expecting the brown caring eyes of f/n, only to be met with cold blue eyes. i sharply inhaled, to be honest scared out of my mind "y/n!" "what are you doing here?!" the green haired girl shriecked, "i was... invited..?" i replied in a hushed tone, not being able to find my voice. "well you shouldnt of been, your music sucks, and overall you dont deserve any award." she replied, flipping her hair asif i wasnt even there? "okay... well my song on top of the months best pop song chart says otherwise" i said turning around and walking away before she could hear the last part of that, she had really pretty eyes..
"y/n!" i hear from behind me, this time from a more scruffier voice. i turned around recognizing the voice was coming from f/n. "there you are! i was looking for you everywhere." "i saw.. i also saw your run in with the twins. tell me everything!" i groaned at that last bit "no f/n it was scary enough i dont need to repeat it." i replied also turning away from him "attention! all invited pop singers, please make your way to the stage!" 'finally' i thought to myself, ive had to wait an hour and a half through the rock, country andddd rap awards.
im going absolutely insane, why did i have to be seated RIGHT NEXT TO VELVET. its like torture, i could feel her eyes on me for the whole 10 minutes it took to introduce everyone, it was awful, but sort of nice in a way.
(time skip to the actual awards bc im a horrible writer and cannot care enough to try and fill the gap with sappyness)
"andddd the award goes to-" his eyes widened as he read the slip of paper with the award winners name on it "velvet and veneer-" he was interrupted once again only this time not by himself, but by the crowd behind him going crazy "wait!" he said and they all quieted down just enough to hear him, i looked beside me and velvets smile dropped hearing him say that "AND y/n y/ln!" the crowd went even louder this time, i gasped hearing my name "well dont just sit here come get the award..s?" all three of us walked torwards him, i looked to my left towards velvet and she actually smiled at me, and not even a condescending one! we both took the awards, as we walked back to our seats, velvets arm brushed against mine, i got so flustered i had to turn away so she didnt see me blushing. i dont know why i was acting so weird i hated her... right? "congratulations to the winners of this months most amazing pop stars!!" the crowd hadnt stopped yelling yet, i was fidgeting uncomfortably in my seat, picking at my hands, feeling a panic attack coming along, when suddenly i felt a hand on top of my own, locking fingers with me. i was so shocked i didnt even wanna look because i knew the amazingly pink painted nailed hands belonged to.... velvet.
she had held my hand the rest of the show, which in reality was about 10 minutes but felt like hours with her hand in mine, her hands were so soft.
(time skip to like after the show but like not left yet bc thats so unsexy an doesnt fit my amazing plot)
i was standing around the desert table talking to f/n, well it was really him talking about how much i deserved the award and how great my music is. he really knows how to make someone feel special. i looked around for velvet spotting her talking to her brother, i really wanted to speak to her, my "hatred" for her had turned to love in less than 3 hours.
"yeah you were obviously winning the awar-" f/n was cut off mid sentence by the green haired girl that i couldnt get out of my mind "hey y/n can i talk to you?" she asked me, her cold demeanor still up but i felt like there was something under her coldness, i followed her after muttering a quick "sorry" in f/n's direction.
we finally got to a deserted hallway when she finally spoke "are you okay?" she asked, cold demeanor slipping as soon as we were alone "y-yeah why wouldnt i be?" i asked stumbling over my words abit because of the close proximity between us..
velvets POV
her stuttering was kinda cute. "because you seemed like you were gonna pass out, babe" i couldn't catch myself before the pet name slipped out, i guess its out there that i dont reslly hate y/n now. i guess i just didnt like the idea of not being on top, but now that we're both on top its kinda nice. "oh yeah that..." she trailed off, blushing a bit, either from embarrassment or the pet name, probably the latter if we're being honest. "sorry, i just get a bit overwhelmed with thr crowds and loud screaming, which i know is weird since im a pop star- so i basically signed up for this-"y/n" "and they probably saw me too and they think i hate them now- and im gonna lose the award-"y/n" "and im not gonna be able to write music anymore because everyones gonna hate me, and ill have no money- and ill be homeless and-"y/n!" i finally got her attention finally silencing the rambling girl "sorry.." she looked really upset "its okay y/n, you dont need to apologize. you did nothing wrong i promise." i replied tucking a loose strand of hair behind her hair, finally noticing how close we were. "velvet" y/n whispered, as i cupped her cheek "hm?" i hummed leaning in a bit waiting for her to initiate what was about to happen(consent is sexy) "are you sure" she muttered "mhm" and with that she finally closed the gap, her soft lips meeting mine. when we finally seperated we were both panting from the lack of air. "that was..." "great" i finished her sentence. "would you wanna maybe, you know. go out tomorrow?" i asked, still a bit flustered from the kiss. "like a date?" she said teasingly "y-yeah. a date." "of course, what time are you picking me up" she said with a smirk "is 8 good?" "see you at 8 velvs" and with that she gave me one more peck and walked away.
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lokh · 4 months
Note
Im gonna need your like, whole musical rec list, bc literally every song you have posted has not flopped once, give me your faves i need to eat them
OUGHHH YOUVE UNLOCKED THE BEAST ARGSHHFHJDF....
in the interest of making this both easily accessible but not stretching the dashboard, im embedding bandcamp links when i can, otherwise linking to youtube when unavailable
in no particular order, inclusion based mostly on what im still actively into LMAO but also just things you should give a go at least once:
list of artist recommendations
zeal and ardor: described as a mix of african-american spirituals and black metal. try devil is fine, you aint coming back, wake of a nation or church burns
bloodywood: indian folk metal, literally nobody is doing it like them. recently featured in monkey man (2024), try chakh le, yaad or dana dan
stromae: if youve never heard any of his songs WHAT ARE YOU DOING..... incredible lyricist, described as a blend of hip hop/electronic. papaoutai made the rounds on tumblr a while back, but you should also try santé and l'enfer
alamat: pinoy pop. a youtube commenter described them as sounding like 2nd gen kpop which probably also explains why i took a shine to them LMAO, notable for the amount of filipino culture on display and the diversity thereof (singing in different languages, themes). first heard them thru kasmala either here or on twitter lmao, try aswang or maharani
andy bull: alt-pop. a lot of poppy and upbeat songs with a melancholic undertone imo. an australian artist, try it's all connected or keep on running
cosmo sheldrake: electronic, wikipedia also lists him as folktronica and baroque pop. you may have heard the song come along on an apple ad - hes known for sampling sounds from nature. pliocene for example features sounds from endangered ecosystems.
if you like cosmo sheldrake, you might like hidden orchestra (electronica, ambient). also making use of field recordings, i really love the archipelago mixtape but its a hard sell at about an hour lmao. if you like the following song then i implore you to give it a go
son lux: experimental, you may have heard from them in the entire soundtrack for everything everywhere all at once (!!!!!). try dangerous, dream state (brighter night) or live another life.
ammar 808: electronic/world fusion, also behind bargou 08 (folk rock you should also listen to). i just cant get ain essouda out of my head, but i also love geeta duniki
miyavi: j-rock, used to be a visual kei artist. these days he might be known more for anime openings like flashback (kokkoku) or other side (id:invaded), or for work like snakes in arcane (or actually inspiring and voicing a character in it), but ive always been partial to his early work like sukkyanen myv or ashita, genki ni naare
songs/albums
'threads' album by now, now (indie rock).
'dream to make believe' or 'what to do when you are dead' by armor for sleep (rock, emo). here's the truth about heaven from the latter album
i already posted about it but denzel curry's 13lood 1n + 13lood out mixx (rap, trap) is extremely good
the guilty gear soundtracks and im so serious im not fucking joking. different kinds of rock and metal and all sorts of influences put in, a genuine labor of love. xrd and earlier games are mainly instrumental with some vocal tracks (try give me a break or big blast sonic), while strive pretty much always includes vocals (of course i need to rec rock parade, but also try requiem. its genuinely hard for me to pick and choose lmao)
not an album and not an artist
coke studio pakistan and coke studio bangla knocking it out of the fucking park, im particularly a fan of harkalay and kotha koiyo na. you could try the other coke studios too (tamil, india, etc)
triple j like a version is when the radio station triple j brings in artists and has them do a cover of a song (artists choice). i liked denzel curry's cover of bulls on parade and flume's shooting stars (video for this one is incredible, man had a vision you just have to stick it out), but you get a lot of interesting interpretations like the wombats' running up that hill, gordi's in the end or, infamously. the wiggles' elephant
ive DEFINITELY missed out some, but thats what my music tag is for LMAO i hope someone discovers something they like here!!!!
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midnight-omega · 1 year
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Anatomy hc
Okiii ur girl spent most of last night trying to figure some things out and draw some diagrams fr
This post focuses on the reproductive anatomy of my omegaverse. I'm gonna go through each of the 6 gender/dynamic combinations and give a little info about how I think it all works :> like everything else this varies from person to person so if this isn't ur thing no worries! If this is ur thing feel free to use it! But if you use my diagrams I'd appreciate it if you credited me be i spent a long time on them 😔
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I also want to link this very in depth explanation because I did take a lot of inspiration from it for my male omegas! I adore this concept for them and I'll be using it going forward. The author talks about a lot more tho some of which imma steal some of which Im not :))
Okay lets get into it fr, be warned there are my messy diagrams of all kinds of private bits under the cut. Also if tumblr kills the quality im so sorry fr :((
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Male Alpha
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🌕 Let's start with our boys here.
🌕 Honestly they're pretty straightforward! There's not too many crazy anatomy changes here. They function pretty much the same as irl amab anatomy does.
🌕 They have a penis and external testes
🌕 They have a prostrate that can be stimulated via anal penetration
🌕 Male alphas tend to be on the bigger side concerning length/girth but this varies from person to person
🌕 Now, the defining characteristic of a male alpha is their knot. Only alphas have a knot!
🌕 The knot is soft tissue that expands during orgasm. This "locks" the penis into the vagina in order to facilitate conception. In simple terms, sperm stuck inside better change pregananant
🌕 The knot typically stays expanded for about 20min after orgasm, but this can vary. Any longer than an hour though, can be cause for concern
🌕 The male alpha usually has a larger knot than a female alpha and experiences higher chances of successfully "tying" (tying here meaning the knot actually gets stuck in the receiver)
🌕 An alpha can knot outside of rut, but these knots may be smaller or not fully expanded since they're lacking the overproduction of hormones that rut creates
🌕 A deflated knot is still visible as a ring of much softer tissue than the rest of the shaft
Female Alpha
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🌕 oh boy, oh god, mother mary save us all
🌕 This one was so HARD to figure out fr... let me get into this
🌕 I've always liked the idea of a female alpha having a hidden penis best. One that's concealed where the clit ought to be but expands and pops out during rut or when aroused. I like this one best bc I'm not a super big fan of the anatomy set up of having a vulva and dick and balls all at once, and anatomically I never understood like... the concept of the clit swells a lil and thats the knot bc... penetrate how?? I also just don't like pregnant female alphas much! To me alphas impregnate only not carry
🌕 So hidden penis was my favorite option !
🌕 But once I started drawing out the diagram I immediately had problems placing the sheathed penis inside the body
🌕 My biggest issues were the bladder and pubic bone. The bladder I can move around easy enough, especially since female and male anatomy have it in slightly different positions anyway
🌕 But what was fucking me up was that damn bone
🌕 If we want to replace the clit with a penis the penis is going to need to run straight through that bone. The pubic bone in female anatomy sits right above the clit basically. In male anatomy its a tad higher up but even moving it up it would still be in the way of the penis
🌕 I could continue to move the bone or do away with it but then we compromise the human shape of the female alpha. The rest of the dynamics would look human in the hips and pelvis but female alpha she'd be.. little fucked up. Not to mention I'm sure there's some other wild medical consequence of removing or moving the pubic bone that I'm not aware of
🌕 So... we can't put the sheathed penis exactly where the clit is
🌕 I could put it where the vagina is, but then that eliminates the vagina entirely and makes female alphas unable to have penetrative sex and tbh I'm not into that give her a gspot yk?
🌕 I could move the urethra around, like push it forward towards the clit even more and push the vaginal opening backwards, or even combine the vagina and anus like the male omega but I wasn't a fan of that either. It makes her feel to male omega-y and less unique to me
🌕 Furthermore like... vaginas are low. Like lower than u think, clits are a little lower too. And penises are so high! So.. having a penis come out so low between your legs wouldn't that make penetrating kinda hard unless you had a crazy long horse cock or smth.
🌕 So I ended up keeping the penis sheathed like I wanted, but I moved it up
🌕 The penis head is a little above where a clit would sit but I still removed the clit from her anatomy
🌕 To avoid the bone I had to put the penis above it. This isn't super crazy since the vans deferens also comes down over the bone, but it is a little awkward because this isn't a little tube this is a PENIS. This is a whole long cord of tissue and blood vessels here and I'm not giving her a small flat cock to compensate she doesn't deserve that
🌕 So, her muscle, fat, skin, and what have you is gonna have to push out to make room for the penis sitting above the bone.
🌕 Insert female alpha sheath bulge >:))
🌕 tbh I think giving her a bit of a bump is pretty hot so I'm satisfied!
🌕 However bc its sitting right over a bone any pressure applied to it is going to be uncomfortable or even painful for her
🌕 So... ig if you wanna kick a female alpha in the nuts aim for her sheath fr
🌕 So then I was good for awhile, I had placed the penis in the body in a way that satisfied me and kept the vagina intact
🌕 But okay now the penis has to come out
🌕 The female alpha cock still sits lower than the male one, so we have to do a little more bending to get it to flip up in proper penis formation
🌕 No problem, I'll just give the female a longer base after the knot and said base will be way more bendy than a real penis np np
🌕 Okay but... if we have a noodle base how is the erection staying erect and not just becoming a top heavy string of stuck blood that flops tf over
🌕 Insert what I did with the labia
🌕 I want female alphas to enjoy vaginal sex if they want to mostly for kinky reasons yk but its my world so!
🌕 But this means that I don't really wanna touch the labia around the vagina, they should still get looser during arousal they should still be fun to play with yada yada yada
🌕 But the penis needs something to lock it upright. So I split the labia into even more parts.
🌕 On irl afab anatomy theres the inner and outer labia and that's that. On the female alpha tho I had to get creative. I gave her her inner and outer labia that would function normally
🌕 Then I gave her another set around the exit of her sheath. I called them! The penile labia for lack of creativity and anatomical knowledge! Unlike the outer and inner labia around the vagina, these ones stiffen and lock up during arousal after the penis has been unleashed. This keeps it out and helps it stand!
🌕 I also gave her a middle labia. This is an extremely tough piece of muscle that separates her upper and lower sets of lips. The middle labia supports our bendy base even more and tends to get engorged and may even expand a little to support the weight of the cock and knot
🌕 This isn't fool proof by ANY means and I'm sure ppl who know anatomy better than me have a million issues rn but yk what? This makes sense to me and took me awhile to figure it out fr so I'm content
🌕 Now... I gave her a uterus-like structure and still called it "uterus" for lack of better term. this is not a functioning uterus so female alphas cannot conceive
🌕 But in this model I have this uterus act more like a muscle that helps push the penis out of the sheath. Believable? Idk but its chill with me
🌕 The female knot is generally a littler smaller than the male knot because it's gotta fit in the body
🌕 The knot here doesn't even begin to expand until the penis is unsheathed, whereas in males it may puff up slightly on initial arousal
🌕 Since I did not give her balls, her testes are inside the body where the ovaries would typically be
🌕 insert the part where I tell you alpha sperm does not need to be cool. It can survive higher temperatures which also makes sense considering omegas practically have heat strokes during heat, the sperm would need to be a little tougher.
🌕 But then why do males have balls? I got u fam ! Bc while they can survive in warmer temperatures that does not mean they thrive there. The healthiest swimmers are still kept a little cooler. Female alphas may be less fertile even because of this which could be some fun plot points bc i love female alphas pls write them more
🌕 That was so LONG but I think that's it for her
Male Beta
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🌙 The male beta doesn't really have anything super atypical from irl amab bodies.
🌙 The penis of a beta tends to be a lil smaller than an alpha's but bigger than an omegas, but again this isn't always the case!
🌙 We do have a prostate for fun anal times if desired
🌙 Beta sperm is not as heat resistant as alpha sperm. They can impregnate other betas just fine but may struggle with an omega in heat. It's suggested that b/o couples try conceiving outside of heat with the help of fertility experts :>
🌙 Male betas cannot conceive, they have no uterus or vagina
🌙 Betas do not knot!
Female Beta
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🌙 Again, not a lot of differences to talk about here, typical afab anatomy
🌙 It is worth noting that in my verse I am not giving female betas periods bc thats mean
🌙 For this reason their endometrium is thinner than ours so the body can reabsorb it without a true heat easier
🌙 I'll also say that beta eggs are just built different for this thinner endometrium
🌙 usually you need a certain thickness for the egg to embed properly to the uterine wall, but imma say that for whatever reason beta eggs are totally chill with a thin lining. They have a better grip or smth ig!
🌙 This allows my girls to get pregnant without an extra added issue due to my silly anatomy choices
🌙 It also makes her different from the female omega which I'll talk about later :))
Male Omega
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🌑 Okay ya'll get ready for shitshow number two
🌑 actually the male omega wasn't as bad to figure out mostly bc I stole the idea of the epivagina from the author I linked above the cut!!
🌑 I'll sum up if you don't want to read through the link (you should tho it's really interesting stuff you might wanna use in ur own verse!)
🌑 So like the female alpha there are depictions I don't like when it comes to the male omega. I don't like them not having a uterus and just being... a guy? Like having nothing about them that makes them different than a male beta. Also, like how I said I don't like pregnant alphas, I don't like omegas that can impregnate.
🌑 I'm also not a fan of not giving them a penis and having them only have a vagina and uterus. What makes the two omega genders different then? Breasts? Not a fan tbh considering I like my male omegas to breastfeed with their lil pregnancy boobies (cancer in venus I like boobies and lactation not sorry)
🌑 Basically I want my mpreg and I want my penis too
🌑 So, like the female alpha, we have to give them both parts.
🌑 Since there's not a ton of room between the balls and the anus (the taint is only so big yall) I'm not a fan of just giving them a vulva here
🌑 I'm also not a big fan of the birth canal that develops from the taint when pregnant just bc it doesn't make sense to me that the body just forms and unforms a hole that they have to push out a baby the size of a small melon through. Like in that case pregnancy must be excruciatingly painful on top of pregnancy already being painful and hard
🌑 So... butt babies. Except not quite
🌑 The popular option is the cloaca but... I have issues with that too
🌑 If you read the chapter on male omegas on the ao3 link you can see why. A short cloaca definitely results in poop in the vagina. I don't think I need to explain why poop in the vagina is like the worst thing. As the author points out it also makes it difficult for fun oral time just bc the amount of infections you can get from... constant ass licking/fucking especially bc I haven't seen any male omegas telling their alphas omg wait i need to shower, shit, and have an enema first
🌑 The long cloaca can work ig but then the penis never enters the vagina and thats just not fun. The male omega would never be able to have vaginal sex fr :((
🌑 So I'm going with what the author made up! The epivagina!
🌑 The epivagina is a strong valve-like muscle kinda like the middle labia in alpha females.
🌑 During non horny times the epivagina remains positioned in a way that closes off the vaginal opening. No penetration without literal tearing can take place with it closed. The anus is open and free for poop!
🌑 During heat and arousal the epivagina switches the other way opening the vagina and closing the anus so the opposite is true
🌑 You do not have to be in heat for the vagina to open btw! Just turned on
🌑 During birth we can just assume the sphincters and muscles around this anus and vagina were built for stretching, though it might be recommend for male omegas to anal train a bit to get all our muscles ready for it (there are literally butt plugs the size of a child's head so we can train out asses a lil)
🌑 Now the drawback to this would be that... you cannot have anal with a male omega if he's turned on. Tbh that's okay with me since i'm not really into anal anyway! If it's not okay with u then.. idk change it to fit ur kink babe im not stopping u
🌑 It also kinda acts as a rape defense too in a way.... like a duck if we're not turned on good luck entering the vagina. ofc... the exception to this is heat in heat it's p much always open unless we need to shit rn so ig vaginal rape protection in heat isn't a thing but it's neat outside of heat
🌑 Male omegas do produce very small amounts of sperm but they're such sad little boys it's basically impossible to get pregnant from them. Most of them have clear orgasms if they come from their cocks at all.
🌑 I did raise their balls a bit back into the body. We're still descended but not... exactly the whole way if that makes sense. Our sperm just isn't as cool this way and it's not heat resistant fr!
🌑 Bc omegas get so hot during their heats this can also decrease or fully kill off any remaining sperm production.
🌑 Technically this way you can still get pregnant by a male omega if you're a female beta/omega but.... bc its my verse and I don't really want that I'm gonna say it happens like once in a century it is not really a thing
🌑 The penis here is smaller than anyone else's, but not as small as you'd think. I'm not going the whole micropenis route with them you can still be satisfied through penetration with my male omegas!
🌑 Like the author, I also like the concept of giving them a prostate and an internal clit >:))
🌑 no real reason other than 3 ways for my boys to orgasm and I like it
Female Omega
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🌑 Pretty similar to the female beta, not too much difference from irl afab anatomy
🌑 The biggest difference between a female beta and female omega are:
🌑 Slick production (beta's do not produce slick)
🌑 The endometrium
🌑 I gave my beta's a thinner one so their bodies can absorb it and we can avoid menstruation!
🌑 Well in female omegas the endometrium is thicker, about the same as the average one irl or maybe even a little thicker than that.
🌑 Her eggs just aren't as good as gripping just like irl fr, so we need a lot of cushion for them
🌑 especially since female omegas tend to release more than one egg a cycle (2-4 is normal) so if we're all embedding we need more room to do it
🌑 A female omega also can reabsorb her endometrium no worries I am not giving her a period either
🌑 Instead I'm going to say that heat has 3 phases. Pre heat where we get ready for ovulation that lasts about 3-4 days, heat heat which lasts about 1-2 days or less. This is when we are fertile we need to get pregnant NOW, and then post heat which lasts about 3 days where our body temperature is still extremely high and we're still horny and feverous but the egg has passed alas. Its during post heat that we reabsorb and break down the endometrium. Sometimes we might see a little blood a lil spotting yk, but for the most part our heat stroke helps us absorb it idc if that's unreasonable its what imma say
🌑 The term heat usually includes heat and post heat but not pre heat (I mean you get off work for heat and post heat and we use the term heat as a collective to include that 5 or so days but this doesn't include the pre heat) but i'll do a different post for heats later !
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I think thats everything if you survived all that thank you for indulging me fr! Feel free to pop in my askbox if you wanna talk about smth and like I said in the beginning feel free to steal but pls credit my diagrams if u use them :))
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ladysophiebeckett · 8 months
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Some of you are being really weird about Aura Maria in regards to her treatment of Freddy and her overall character\personality traits. Overall, if you dislike a character its fine. It means nothing to me. But these posts about Aura Maria are getting a little misogynistic.
The facts are, that yes--she is immature, she does string Freddy along, she is very extroverted and charismatic and a lot of men like her.
You know who else is immature, strings someone around, is very extroverted and charismatic and a lot of women like them?
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This guy right here.He's gonna string around his assistant for at least half a novela.
But there's already some excellent meta on Aura Maria and Freddy vs Betty and Armando and u can read them here and here. so I'm not gonna get into that.
Again, if you don't like Aura Maria thats fine. She's a flawed character in a show with other flawed characters. I don't like Patricia, for example. I think she's annoying, she's mean, her goal is to find a man to fix all her problems and she fails at it. She's immature. She's classist. She gets paid 3x more than the other secretaries bc she's a nepo hire and yet still can't make any payments bc she's terrible with money. I could go and on.
But a lot of you like her and sympathize with her and her problems and how nobody wants to help her.
Aura Maria is also sympathetic character. She became a teen mom. The guy that got her pregnant is not in the kid's life nor in hers. She's a receptionist at a company who's alternate slogan is 'women don't advance here'. Her parents kick her and her son out, yes it was a consequence of Aura Maria's party girl antics. But that's not a good enough reason to kick out your daughter and grandson. Knowing that she's a receptionist and doesn't make much money to begin with.
And then the Mario of it all. No, she shouldn't have gotten involved with him but he's the one in the position of power. He shouldn't have gotten involved with her, he shouldn't have encouraged it, nor should he have been seeing her and Patricia at the same time. Both women who work where HE works. And who does he want to fire when he gets caught? Aura Maria. She's the one who gets the low end of the stick.
Aura Maria and Patricia are looking for men with money to support them and don't do well in this endeavor bc the only man that looks like a prospect is using them in some way. That or the men they encounter don't take them seriously.
Freddy likes Aura Maria and yeah she does like him but she doesn't take him seriously as a prospect bc he's not rich and when you're a poor young single mom--bc REMINDER Aura Maria is in her early 20s forced to grow up quickly (she was a child having a child)--living in your friend's\co workers house--he doesn't completely fulfill her list of requirements of what she needs financially. She's not looking at the full picture. Much like Patricia, who doesn't look at the full picture when it comes to her transactional relationship with Nicolas.
So because Aura Maria mismanges her relationship with Freddy, I'm supposed to what? Have her burned at the stake? That because Freddy is kind to her, and does things out of his own free will over and over again, that Aura Maria needs to be devoted to him? Automatically? Because people think she owes him?
If you don't like Aura Maria, that's fine. But a lot of the posts I've seen in the general tag are past not liking a character bc the vibes are off--it's becoming about hating her bc she's not reciprocating to one guy bc you think he's earned it. Or it's about her not being a good mother bc she's not acting 'like a mother'. And want to see her punished for it as a result, as if getting sexually harassed by Gutierrez (ON TWO OCCASIONS) isn't punishment on it's own.
Because reminder (again)---that Mario AND Gutierrez have taken advantage of Aura Maria in some way bc of their position of power. Bc Aura Maria is young, beautiful, and poor. She can be easily be taken advantage of and tossed away. (Much like another character who gets utilized as a consequence of financial fraud)
But Freddy is the true victim in all of this bc Aura Maria sometimes take advantage of his kindness. Do you realize how dumb that sounds?
There is a double standard in how Aura Maria is being viewed bc she's not acting grateful or humble or self sacrificing enough to gain sympathy. She's being judged solely on how she's treating (1) man and not about all the other factors she's living in--some of them out of her control.
If one can feel bad for Patricia even tho it's primarily her fault that she's in the predicaments she's in, then I don't see why one can't extend that same grace to Aura Maria.
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butch-reidentified · 11 months
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wife & I finally watched Killing Eve, and I am just utterly 🤯 by how much of myself I see in Villanelle. the nuances of her reactions, her sense of humor, interpersonal relating, etc., all of it is genuinely deeply relatable. it's the first time I've ever actually truly related to a fictional character overall, rather than just 1 or 2 aspects of a character. as weird as it sounds, it feels like actually very wholesome representation? honestly, I've never really understood why people get attached to fictional characters and even kind of used to make fun of it. I never felt like there was much to relate to. but my wife and I both see it, this dude they consulted for her on-screen character obviously really knows his shit (yeah, this dude, fucking somehow).
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him???? kinda pissed ngl. and I'm definitely gonna contact him lmao
but it's undeniable. it's most clear in the subtlest little moments, the little things she does like dumping salt on the curly fries she's sharing with Eve as a playful reaction to an "offensive" joke, the pranks she plays on Konstantin, the things she finds funny, the lack of response when her life is in danger, being ambivalent about prison. and of course the bigger things are just as accurate, and so much better done than any other media portrayal I've seen before. the constant need for escalating stimulation, the s-tier "commitment to the bit" regardless of the situation, the curiosity about herself, the boredom and resulting curiosity about the "normal" human experience & wondering if you can be like them - maybe even convincing yourself for a while, the truth of having some people truly matter to you but at the end of the day you know you're still able to hurt them, the enjoyment of social game-playing - specifically with others who are also knowingly playing social chess* (manipulating unaware people is not entertaining & frankly reminds me of the ways men tend to seek affirmation of their power/superiority by "punching down").
*and enjoying working + thriving in fields where this is required of EVERYONE
I'm posting this a bit late at night in the hopes it's mostly seen by the mutuals who actually come to my blog not just see this on dash, bc this /is/ weird as fuck for me & I'm not super stoked about EVERYONE seeing this, but I have made a commitment on here to challenge myself with consistent and total honesty to the best of my ability. it /is/ disorienting and exciting in its own odd way. but I'm not sure I hate it.
oh, and in s4 when she kills a bunch of women's abusers? the implication throughout the show that she DOES feel some type of way about (at least) 1 moral issue - misogyny? fuck OFFFFF bro wtffff
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calciumdeficientt · 18 days
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Wade and Tom hcs pleaseeeee 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽
I lov u wade i lov you tom. I actually have a whole post of tom hcs that you can check out here:
but i for sure have a few left in the tank!!!!!!1! Im gonna spritz some of my remaining tom ones, release my wade ones unto the world and then zoom in a little on their relationship >:D
TOM GURNEY AND WADE MARTIN HCS
TOM GURNEY
Skin picker. Big time skin picker. He just cant seem to help himself, its sort of a nervous tic. If he could just leave his fucking face alone for five minutes his acne would have cleared up a long time ago. Most of the marks on his face are actually just scars because he wont stop PICKING!!!!!
Saw the hobo get beamed up after the last fighting moves mission, i know this is pretty much canon atp but i think what would make it so much more batshit is if it had happened in BROAD DAYLIGHT. And no one other than tom gave a fuck. He comes out with all kinds of stupid conspiracy shit on the daily so no one even thinks to try and argue. They’re all like “yeeeah okay buddy whatever you say..”
Very emotionally mature, because of this he’s very painfully aware of all his shortcomings. He’s a good dude at heart but its aside pf him people never see. He’s pretty well renowned as the clique tapper, but honestly, he only talks so much because he doesnt wanna worry his friends by being all quiet and mysterious.
WADE MARTIN
MAAAAAAJOR little brother syndrome. He and Christy are only a year or so apart (possibly projecting bc that’s the gap between me and MY brother) but he gives me the vibe of a little kid who feels the need to show off because he’s younger. His general demeanour and outlook on the world tells me that he’s sort of crying out for attention and to some degree, help. He talks a lot about repeated suspensions, and the fact that no one seems to care about them anymore, and also the fact that he’s not doing all that well in his classes. He’s a kid that neeeds intervention, a firm shove in the right direction… and maybe some counselling. He’s practically jumping up and down on the spot yelling ‘LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT MEEE!’
More family hcs, but he and Christy only share their father. They have different mothers. Both women aren’t really in the picture beyond what the custody laws state they have to be. Christy’s mum left her with their dad when she was a baby, and Wade’s mum was his side piece. They divorced when Wade was 11. He hates both their guts for separating in what was a pretty tumultuous transition period in his life. If I’m getting my numbers right, 10-11 is the transition from elementary school to middle school. It was during this time that Wade started to struggle, he was a gifted student in his early years, and thus was left to his own devices. Because of that lack of support, his grades slipped and slipped and slipped, he just barely passed the entrance exam to get into Bullworth, and then started outright failing.
His hyper sexual voice lines are a way of deflecting away from how he really feels. Encouraged by his father, Wade feels he has to be this big, macho guy. He’s been brought up by his dad to believe high school is all about chasing tail and finding someone willing to have your kids straight out of the gate. In his head, Wade’s not about that at all. He wasn’t quite ready to be a man, he’d have liked a few more years of being a kid. Manhood is this big, scary, complex thing that he’s not ready for yet.. especially if its anything like Mr Martin tells him it is.
Takes great pride in his hair, but he does dye it. You can’t be a ginger bully, that’s like a spoon with holes in it or concrete scuba flippers. It doesnt work, its weird. It’s ugly. He and Trent do their hair together, he trusts Trent with it more than he trusts himself, the kid has been bleaching his own hair since he was 12, he’s a professional. And besides, he’s not gonna pay someone in a salon to dye it, what if he gets caught????
WADE AND TOM
They’re very close friends, I think wade was one of Tom’s first friends at Bullworth, back when he was this scrawny, quiet kid with a big ol birthmark over his eye. Wade had intended to beat the crap out of him to show him what was what, he looked weak and easy to snap. All brittle like a wafer cookie. Upon seeing his eye, Wade wrongfully assumed that someone has beat him to it, and knowing what a tumultuous home life could do to a kid, he invited Tom to come sit with them at lunch and he just… never left.
They really remind me of Troy and Abed from community dynamic-wise. One emotionally mature, but mildly childish dude (Tom) and one smarter than he appears meathead (Wade). Where they differ from Troy and Abed is instead of building blanket forts and acting out TV shows, they give swirlies and smoke cigarettes like they’re going out of fashion. “…” “…” “you wanna go do burnouts in the train yard dont you Wade” “Get OUUTA MY FRIGGIN BRAIN MAN! How’d you know that?!” “Lucky guess.”
Closer with each other than anyone else in the bullies clique. They lay on the roof after curfew and talk. For HOURS. They’ve been doing it for so long now that they’ve started smuggling sleeping bags and blankets up there so they can just sleep once they’re done. Wade likes that he can be open with his troubles about home., his many many troubles. Every day there’s a new home trouble. Tom talks about his fears about the secrecy at Bullworth and his theories, he feels like Wade is the only one that even bothers to TRY and see his point of view. Wade cries a lot during these little almost-therapy sessions. And Tom is right there with him, patting his back and wiping his tears. It’s cute.
Garage band duo. Tom is the drummer, Wade plays the three power chords he knows on his busted up hand-me-down Stratocaster that can barely plug into the amp anymore and really desperately needs new strings, and screams into the mic. It’s pretty hardcore, but it doesn’t actually sound all that bad. They work pretty well as a two piece and have played a total of four gigs, but its always been foe them anyway. They don’t wasn’t the gig money or the fame, they just wanna rock out.
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moonshynecybin · 1 month
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what are your favorite aus you’ve ever come up with?
GOOD question i've churned out quite a few and i dont think i've ever lumped em together... uh full disclosure a lot of my fav aus were collabs or asks sent by my lovely mutuals :) they rule and are probably my faves so i'll lead with those
FCO: forced coming out au... she's maina @kingofthering and i's baby. marc and vale caught fucking in an alleyway a few months after the sepang fallout and vale comes forward to fake date marc in order to keep him from losing his ride... very much about the violence of fame and vale sort of using his influence with the media to PROTECT marc rather than harm him. a fun time with lots of fraught fake dating your ex situations. visuals here
same age au: elle @lestelledreams dropped this in my lap because shes a genius ! and two fics on ao3 were written about it which is CRAZY. basic premise is how it sounds: marc marquez is born in 1979 and they spend their early years doing a very codependent little rivalry/first love dance that gets cracked the fuck open right around the time of marc's arm injury. sweet and very y2k and very about them being stupid overly-competitve teens with REALLY different vibes and sort of. only being able to identify with each other i love it a lot
kayaking/whitewater au: niche sport forever i think about her all the time. kind of my own way to excise some personal feelings as a girl who quit doing a death sport as a teen and then kind of continued working in the same industry as said deathsport and who's brother's lack of little danger voice in his head wrt to the sport reads very marc to me. also im tortured because i simply think they would be very good at it. marc let me get you in a half-slice hard boat pspspsps... and tbh they just fit the vibe. need vale to meet an old man kayaker its the fookin same
reporter au: yayyyyy i love mess. this one is more about saw trapping these fools im like hmm what would hurt marc a LOT. oh never being able to ride only being able to interact with the sport from the other side of the proverbial glass. what would hurt vale a LOT. oh being in love with a REPORTER. lots of half chances and repressed anger and being kind of damaged so you blow your relationships the fuck up. also a sepang-esque scenario that dials in on marc's vindictive streak through it all which i enjoy. my wife is a bitch.
teen mom au: marc with a liddle baby. vale being kind of psycho. what more could you want
bridgerton au: their weird older sibling slay and repressed freak ass horny selves. thank you.
proximity au and emotional bond transference: theres a post missing from this tag and i cant find it :( anywayssss if they arent gonna feel empathy towards each other im going to MAKE them as a sort of benevolent god
amnesia au: i think about this one literally all the time. time travel too its like. the fantasy of erasing their past. for BOTH of them. reset button. but the thing is you CANT... and maybe you dont even WANT to.... also a marc saw trap bc SO much has changed for him…
fantasy au: i think marc would look hot in a doublet and the academy guys as a sort of. fail knights of the roundtable is good 2 me. fun exploration of marc and injury in many ways just add some swords and class dynamics
anastasia au: one of the OGs. don bluth animation.....
threesome au: :3333 lets get nasty.. actually theres two :3
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montypng · 1 year
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new follower here, love your art so much it's filled with so much character! I saw your tag on the lovely ghoul art; so, thought I'd send an ask: I'd love to hear your thoughts on danger days! Any things at all, feel free to ramble if you want! I always love hearing others hcs/opinions/etc on the series!
HELLO this ask has been sitting in my inbox since january sorry..its mostly bc i have sooo many things 2 talk about and i wasnt sure what i wanted 2 say in this answer but whatever im just gonna ramble SO!!! U get a bunch of random hcs and maybe thematic analysis yippee!! and thank u soo much for the kind words :]
imo all the kjs have some form of body focused repetitive behavior because this is my world and i do what i want.. poison and ghoul have dermatillomania (compulsive skin picking), and kobra and jet have trich (hair pulling) maybe. I think constantly being on the run + adrenaline highs and lows would lead to unhealthy coping mechanisms for all of them and desert living leads 2 pretty shit skin (poison+kobra have at least had bad acne for sure) which is conducive to skin picking..i think the venom siblings and ghoul are bat city runaways too so the withdrawal from bli pills (+shakes and sweats) contributed to them developing bfrbs.
ghoul also gets really bad shakes and jitters from withdrawal, so when it gets so bad that they can’t work on their explosives he blasts mad gear as loud as it can from its speakers and lets himself scream all the frustration out.
also ghoul definitely has hearing loss from bomb detonation in too close proximity. tell me it would know abt proper hearing protection safety protocols with a straight face its impossible.
kobra was born w microform cleft lip, which means he has a little deformity/groove in his upper lip kind of similar to a snake’s . also he broke his nose at some point and it healed wrong so crooked nosebridge↴
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both jet and kobra are prone to migraines bc of eye strain and sensitivity (jet is nearly fully blind in his right eye and both kobras eyes are extremely sensitive to light, hence the sunglasses).
sometimes when the migraines are too much they both lie down in the trans am seats together at night and close their eyes and breathe in the dark
prior to jets eye injury they were the teams best marksman, and im not sure yet how greatly that changes after they lose depth perception, but one thing i like to believe is that jet is also a great sniper (stereoscopic vision due to retinal disparity is also only effective up til about 30 meters too so he wouldnt need to rely on binocular vision for that), so maybe they focuse on that skill post-injury. how i picture their scar ↴
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this is so long already but 1 last thing more in a thematic analysis vein: i need ppls opinions on the girl and her story PLEASE. she has so little agency in the canon narrative but . Where r the girlposters around here i need to hear others thoughts on her guilt complex from the fab 4s sacrifice and her running away from her own role as the protagonist of a story she never wanted 2 be part of and her blowing up the city that killed her family and whether or not that alleviated her neuroses and brought catharsis or not and her characterisation as a literal bomb and destructive force even though shes just a kid and ughhh. Linking this girl post i made a while ago w an anne carson quote that makes me crazy ANYWAYS. Talk 2 me about her. Im begging.
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