#good for their mental health) but also i’m so glad tumblr lets people do this because with my shit memory i would not be able to remember

[spirallingstarcases]

i wince whenever i reblog a post of a deactivated mutual because i feel like achilles with hectors body except my chariot is a volkswagen buggy and i’m deeply regretful the whole time

[justcallmenikki7]

Hi, it’s Nikki.

I’m writing this to give you all, the ones who are still here even tho I’ve been basically hiatus for a while now, with some posts here and there. You probably all, also, saw this coming, but I’m sadly done writing.

God, im crying lmao.

Anyways, I realized after constantly trying to write something, outline, everything, I couldn’t write anymore. Maybe it’s because I went through a severe abusive relationship at the beginning of April 2022 to the end of November of 2022, and it completely changed me as a person. I lost a lot of love, likes, whatever you may call it, from that relationship. It changed me, and one of the things it changed in me was my love for writing. My spark isn’t here anymore, and I’ve been trying to hold on for the last possible year and a half for you guys, but it hasn’t happened. I’m afraid of change, I’m afraid of letting go, and have a bad time of accepting the fact that i mayve grown out of a phase, you know? My love for the boys will always be there, always.

What has also caused me lots of stress, and is a sign of losing my spark, has been trying to write and come up with ideas, and creat stories for those who have messaged me privately, and I feel terrible for not being able to do that, and I hate breaking promises/not keeping my word because I wanted to make you guys happy, and I’ve failed those individuals. I’m sorry for not finishing those requests, and I’m sorry that I never actually started them because I didn’t know what to do. I wanted to make you happy, but I couldn’t get anything out and so I sat for the longest time, trying to get a good paragraph, or in a general a sentence out, but i couldn’t and I didn’t.

And I’ve sadly relapsed the other night after almost 2 years of being clean from s/h. My depression has been in the dumps, and even tho I have so many positives going on in my life and such amazing people, and an amazing partner, my mental health is deteriorating and I need to focus on myself.

I know I’ve once done a short hiatus before and came back because sometimes a small break is good to have, but sometimes all things must come to an end, and I’m officially closing my chapter with tumblr and writing for good.

I’ve made a couple of friends on here, and those friends I want to address real quickly and say my peace.

@wickizer , girl you know everything and ily

@minniepetals . My gosh, I remember reading your story String of Fate when it first came out, and I swore up and down, still today I do, that it’ll be published in the hall of fame. Despite it being on its hiatus, it’s still the best story so far. You deserve an award for your writing, and your story Cry Me A River is such an amazing masterpiece. I’ve been meaning to read it all, but life has gotten in the way and I’m so proud of you. Even tho we haven’t talked in the longest time, I’m still cheering you on, on here and outside of tumblr.

@aft3rhrs . Love, you’re amazing and I hope you take care of yourself and take time for yourself. Self love and self kindness is a priority and make yourself a priority. Your writing is beautiful and I’m glad we befriended each other. I’m cheering you on, and always will. Thank you for being a kind person.

And every other writer that I bonded with on here, I love you and will be a huge cheerleader for you. To those who I reached out to when I was still new for advice, or for me to fangirl to, thank you for being kind and helpful.

And to my followers, the ones who cheered me on to keep writing when I first joined tumblr, thank you for being kind and supportive. I love each and every single one of you. You made this place a safe place for the longest time, and I’m thankful for all of you.

I’m sorry for the longest apology and me basically dumping my issues on here, I just needed to be honest with you all. I didn’t want this to sound like a ‘poor me’ ‘feel sorry for me’ but I needed to, like I said before, be honest with you.

This is scary for me, but this is me saying goodbye.

Love forever and always, justcallmenikki7.

[josiebelladonna]

”social media seems to be drying up!! why??” says the influencer on threads.

probably because:

ads are a dime a dozen

videos are a dime a dozen

you put those two things together and sites are an absolute bitch to load, even if you have good internet

certain sites, like recipe sites, are nearly impossible to load in one sitting anymore (and i’m glad the “cooked.wiki/“ shortcut exists)

you have this new generation of users that treats everything like “content” and wants everything to be “relatable”, no matter what the site is or who’s involved

said new generation is primarily and inexplicably under the age of 20, i.e., it’s not safe for nsfw accounts anymore (dude, i literally saw something on instagram earlier called instagram teens, and the only thought running through my mind was “oh, for god’s sake…” because it’s rectifying a symptom rather than a root cause)

said new generation gives more fucks about their fucking ~mutuals~ rather than things that do have essence like reading, learning, and real friendships, things that feel authentic and you don’t have to go out of your goddamn way to talk about them at every drop of the hat

sites change their rules, regulations, and layouts like how people change their underwear, and it’s almost always without warning, and it’s always disorienting, too

aside from say, livejournal, ao3, or dreamwidth, sites look exactly the same now, such that you often forget which site you’re on and you need to be mindful

with the exception of tumblr, freedom of speech doesn’t seem to be a thing anymore, and even on here, you have reams of people self-censoring and resultantly ruining an already jacked tagging system

social activism is so exhausting now—in my experience, it was getting exhausting when trump was in office (one of the reasons why i went quiet for the most part when he was in office; i just knew it was going to be bad). threads is probably the one exception but for the most part, it feels like all anyone wants to do is scream and be completely condescending about what they believe in. in the case of people who are pro-palestine, they’re belligerent and completely deaf to their own antics. shit gets on your nerves quick.

speaking of, there’s an awful lot of talk of “mental health awareness”, but is there anything being done? in my view, nothing has been done. you’re more focused on being aware that this thing exists and you jump to conclusions about someone who’s actually honest about their feelings and their experiences, and it��s only because you want brownie points. and since you’re too egotistical and too far detached from your own humanity, i fully expect you to argue with me on this.

there’s just something phony about the whole thing. look no further than the kinktober tag, believe it or not: writing about what other people want to see rather than what you like all for the lulz, the brownie points, and the new ~mutuals~ so it feels very synthetic and inadvertently anti-fanfic. it’s like, i get that fic is inherently amateurish. i get that completely. but i can read a fic from 2006 and see what they’re getting at. these fics are often incomprehensible at worst—i have probably asked “am i just too old for this?” more times than i ever would’ve liked in the last four years alone it’s hard to believe anything you read, really. true sincerity is written off as nonsense (and in my case, straight-up ostracized) while extravagance is praised. people who go off about authenticity at every opportunity are oddly fake, too: why feel a need to talk when you can just be?

art doesn’t exist anymore. …let me rephrase this: somewhere along the way, art became more and more about the business side rather than actually making it, and somewhere along the way, it all started to homogenize itself. all the faces look the same. the methods look the same. the techniques look the same. there is also the lingering existential threat of ai, scraping away at digital art and photography for its bubbling cauldron of a database, so you don’t trust pieces of art now. rather than connect to humanity, you look at it like it’s about to steal your money and your clothes.

no one can go out and suck anymore. you might have seen posts on here telling you that you are free to be cringe but even those feel phoned in. again, why not just be?

[doriansredroses]

As the final day comes to a close, I stop to reminisce Quotev. It was toxic, but sweet at the same time. I made two amazing friends there and together we’re like the Three Musketeers. It pains me a little to see Quotev go, but at the same time, I’m relieved.

I’ve written a whole post about my experience but the drama there was way too much. It did more harm than good. It certainly made my mental health a lot worse and some things are hard to recover from. I doubt I’ll ever forget the cruel words said to me, or the way this guy stalked me and tried to ruin my life, or how someone posted my personal information for revenge. I wasn’t treated with kindness by a lot of people on that site. Rumors were spread, wars were started, my writing even got ruined. Switching accounts to escape the drama was mentally taxing. I kept taking on new identities to escape everything. More people continued to betray me. It was one year (May 2023-June 2024) of pure hell. I am so glad it’s over.

I’m okay with saying goodbye to Quotev now. I have Tumblr, my account on Quotev is still up, and I have Wattpad. Honestly, I like Tumblr. I can finally post stuff and people see it. I can say a random thought and get 200 notes on it rather than two likes from my best friends. There is a larger variety of content within fandoms. There seems to be less widespread drama here as well, which is a relief. Quotev was known for canceling users who made even a small mistake. My ex friends (those backstabbers) made hate posts on here recently, talking shit about the rumors. I scared one of them into guilt. They deleted every post about me after I sent a rant message, revealing every single thing that was on my mind. It got that user to finally shut up. I have everyone blocked now, and with Tumblr culture differing from Quotev, it’s unlikely I’ll have to worry about mass unfollowing, blocking, and hate posts. Those words still hurt, but they can never be taken back. What’s said has been said and I cannot change the past.

Those people were revealed to never have been my friends, ready to throw me to the wolves when something went wrong. I will never forget how one of them stalked me, another that told me that I deserved to burn in hell, and the others who blocked me without a word spoken to me, only ones behind my back. I will never forget the shots fired after asking one of my ex friends why they stopped talking to me. It started a damn war. Everyone kept attacking me, and it wasn’t fair. I didn’t deserve any of it.

These people will remain nameless, for I have come to terms with my trauma. I will not do what they did to me, spreading drama and slandering names. I am not the person they say I am. And if they keep thinking that, then they are not worth it. Their words made me regret not ending my life at times, but I’m not done with my quest for revenge yet. The greatest revenge is succeeding when they told me I was worthless. I let go tonight and move on with my life. The pain will always be there, but I cannot stay angry forever. It is not wise of me.

I will miss the days when Quotev had no drama surrounding me, or my poor mental health. We cannot change what Quotev has done, so we must move on. I say goodbye to five years on the site, but it is also a new chapter. Maybe I can finally have some peace.

[sidewayspeace444]

Can’t believe a source so close to Chris would say “I feel like contacting this fan site about him. Let me tell them a huge secret”

Someone would actually run to TMZ and sell it. Let’s be real. If the evidence is so *chefs kiss* they would hit up aa real news outlet.

///

THANK YOU!!! 💯💯💯

Exactly what I’ve been thinking & saying nonstop!

This whole thing makes ABSOLUTELY ZERO SENSE! Who TF goes to a freaking Tumblr blog OF ALL PLACES to give a tip-off about a celeb??? Seriously, can someone tell me?!

THE place that everybody goes to when they have something to spill are the gossip sites and outlets - like TMZ, NY POST, Daily Mail, National Enquirer! Hell, even Deuxmoi (although her credibility is highly debatable). Not Tumblr!! Of all places?!

Unless it’s one of the kids or teens in Chris’s family (including Miss Fish herself) who’s the “source,” I truly cannot wrap my head around the possibility of a freaking vendor, a professional, or one of Chris’s grown ass friends discovering TLQ’s blog & deciding “Oh, THIS is where I’m going to share this info!” ALSO, what would said “source” even be getting out of all of this by coming on Tumblr? Why would they do that? UNLESS AGAIN, it’s freaking Alba herself.

And btw, there have been rumors going back to last year that she scrolls around and is quite familiar with Tumblr - so if it would be anyone, it would be her or one of her anti-Semitic friends.

I wouldn’t put it past one of the lonely, desperate housewives, though, either. They have the spare time, so…

TLQ keeps saying that there’s “absolutely no way” they can share the info they got without “compromising” their source’s identity.

Hmmmm…..

So, not even if they blacked things out? This must be a big major “source” then, if it’s not a vendor.

Something is definitely sus. I don’t buy any of the excuses that they and their whole group of followers have been using. I don’t care for their “track record,” either.

I stand by that person who sent them that long ask questioning everything - because they’ve raised a hell of a lot of good points. And that blog’s response didn’t cut it, either. They knew what they were doing. They didn’t care about anyone’s mental health or feelings - they quite literally made things worse.

Call us crazy, call us unhinged, truly don’t care. We’re all literally being driven to this point because people won’t stop with all the mind fuckery that’s been going on.

(I’m sorry mod, I didn’t mean for this to be so long and, well, heated. It’s all just been far too much. It’s so tiring. Thank you for giving me the space to get this all out. So glad to have you back. Xo)

They have made things worse. If they know certain people get anxiety about situations then why are you making it worse for them? I don’t care about it but I do care about peoples mental health. There’s thousands of people who have looked up to Chris Evans for 10+ years, and do they really want to push the narrative that he’s racist too? You are who your friends are.

I have people in my asks standing up for them and you know what? I don’t care to entertain them. The source was more than likely the pottery lady. I’m sorry but a friend of theirs isn’t going to say “A pottery video is coming out” no they’re going to confirm other details that are far more important like Mother Mary, NYC/Bermuda trip. Hell, even Hawaii and Canada.

[formulapisces]

okay sorry this is close to a day late 😭😭 today has been non-stop sport so I haven't been able to spare much attention for other things 🥺

I know the feeling about getting burned out and giving up. for me I think it is a combo of the adhd and the metaphorical ghost of my mother habitually criticising me and they're both really hard to shake off :/ I'm honestly not sure how to get past it, but I'm trying to have more fun with learning this time around and trying to not have so much pressure on myself. doing it the other way didn't get me anywhere :/

being unwell during an exam sounds awful :( anxiety is even worse :/ I'm glad it worked out in the end though 🥺🥺🥺

🦇🩷🫂 (bat anon who will keep cheering you on)

oh i’m sorry i didn’t see this because (ironically) i was distracted… again. this one is more personal and is mostly just me rambling for paragraphs about how much free time i have and how i’ve been spending it.

i go on tangents about art styles, little hedgehogs, exams, and waiting lists. enjoy. 😂

the exams i missed were all multiples: i had 3 history exams and missed one, 2 physics exams and missed one, and 2 english language exams and missed one - that’s why i was able to pass because they used my averages. nobody thought i was going to pass, and i completely broke down when i got home on results day because i was told for the whole summer that i didn’t try hard enough and if i really cared i would have showed up but it isn’t that easy and people don’t understand that. i used to say it was because of a miracle that i passed, but now i’m saying it was because of me, and the effort i put in to everything else which i was able to do. 🙂🫂

i go through almost the exact same thing, so i relate to that 🫂🫂🫂. i get burned out because of adhd and then feel guilty i’m burned out, which only leads me to feeling even worse. i’ve been trying to do things just because they make me happy and just focusing on myself recently. i’m just doing my paintings and going on my walks 😅🫂. it’s really difficult because (using those exams as an example) i was completely burned out and unmotivated but i didn’t get any help from anybody, i was just criticised for it which made the situation even worse. that seems to be a pattern now, whether it’s somebody else giving the criticism or myself, so that’s what i’m trying to stop.

i’m letting myself take breaks and giving myself permission to heal, whether that looks like going on a 3 hour walk, or staying in bed and watching whatever youtube video will distract me or make me smile until i’m ready to face everything again, and both are just as good as eachother :)

i’ve forgotten to mention that i’m meant to be having an autism assessment, but the waiting list is so long. i was assessed as a child but they would just say no because i was shy. because of the fact that i can’t even stand to look at anybody because of anxiety and being uncomfortable until they mention one of my few interests, we* decided to agree to go through with it again. right now i feel like i’m just waiting for so many things, and i have so much time to myself and so much time to think - and that’s been good and bad. if i was doing something else right now i actually think i’d be in a lot worse of a place and i don’t regret taking the path i took, quitting my job, not continuing education, it lead to me talking to you and picking up painting again and going outside more. when i was in work, i felt so trapped and it made my already bad mental health worse. (we* = me and my last therapist)

i realise i’m rambling and i think the running theme throughout me rambling has been time, and giving yourself the time and permission to just live, to take an hour rambling on tumblr because it makes me feel better.

i also realised from having so much time to myself, and this might sound stupid, but you don’t have to accept the criticism. it’s obviously not easy and a lot easier said than done but i don’t need to accept criticism, i can and will do things i enjoy for myself. for example: when i used to draw i would do really ‘impressive’ detailed realism, only for my families validation, but i didn’t like it, i just liked that my family were seeing something i drew and i felt accepted because of that. now that i get the validation from myself, i’m doing what i love, which turns out to be watercolour landscapes and (spoiler alert) it is not detailed or ‘impressive’ but i like it. i like drawing funny looking little hedgehogs and bees and robins or whatever stupid thing makes me giggle. i like how therapeutic it is and that’s what matters :) id much prefer to sit by my window while it’s raining drawing things i love, instead of going grey at 13 because i cant draw eyelashes. 😅

this was just me writing anything which came to mind so i’m sorry it was such a mess, a lot of thoughts came to me all at once and i wanted to write them all out. thank you for reading this far, i really appreciate you reading everything i write back even if it is paragraphs of something i could have said in 2 sentences.

i’m always cheering you on too!!! i have no idea what i’d do if i didn’t have somebody who is always there for me, you’ve helped me so much, more than you would ever imagine. you’re so helpful and kind, i feel the love and i’m sending lots back for you 🫂🤍💜

[l0velyinc]

Oh No

I forgot i’m on tumblr and can post text post whenever i’m having thoughts (good happy thoughts! genuinely!!! I wanna scream about things I really like right now!!!

Few weeks ago(?) I saw Guardians of the Galaxy vol 3, Yesterday I saw the new Electric Mayhem Show on Disney+, today i’ve been watching videos of IRL Zoo Tours & Zoos Tours from the game Planet Zoo.

What that all means is that my brain is exploding with happy chemicals and I’ve never felt this way about Media before.

The CLOSEST i’ve felt this way is after watching the Guardians of the Galaxy christmas special & the movie NOPE. And playing Animal Crossing. Is… is this what a hyperfixation really feels like???

Not gonna lie, I try to mask stuff like this lots of the time (i know, it’s not at all healthy for my mental health, I should just let my brain ENJOY and FIXATE things I like). But I feel my brain starting buckle. I really wanna scream about how much I love my interest, reblog my interest, possibly even … draw my interest.

I’ve been nervous about approaching fandom spaces. I’m not too big on shipping, so that’s my only drawback. I feel like most fandom post I see are kind of swamped with that kind of stuff?

But it’s such a weird vibe right now dude. I wanna draw my characters and write my own stories. But Zoo Videos, Muppet Characters, and songs from Guardians 3 are creating a dam in my head.

Like I wanna play Planet Zoo so bad!!! SOOOO BADDDD! I wanna make a bunch of adopts and sell them just to buy the game and all the DLC. I wanna make a zoo with all the animals. Realistic zoo where I can save the imaginary animals…

I’ve never wanted to draw Fanart before either, but after watching Rocket’s journey throughout the Guardians movies, I kind of want to draw that darn raccoon now. And groot. and mantis. and nebula. and-

Don’t even get me started on me looking up Muppets lore… I like that show way more than I should have…

I dunno. No bad vibes here, I’m glad I’m starting to like different media again. It’s just a new feeling for me and I know Tumblr is like THE fandom space. So i’m hoping talking about my current interest here will help ease my brain. (although… I don’t think this is how you deal with a hyperfixation… lol help my family doesn’t encourage any other methods than masking so like…)

✨ HOW DO PEOPLE DEAL WITH THEIR STRONG LOVE AND INTEREST OF MEDIA??? ✨ How do you deal with enjoying other stuff like this while also wanting to work on your own stuff?

Lol. I dunno. Again, no sadness or anger. I’m pretty damn happy, in fact! I’m just in a new environment where I can finally express this new feeling and it makes me v happy and I want to share this joy!

[the-anxious-skeleton]

Hi! I don’t know if this should be a question or if I just wanted someone to listen, but I appreciate you having asks open.

So I have really bad anxiety, both general and social anxiety. It’s usually manageable in real life because I have really good friends that are emotionally supportive. But this situation feels kinda stupid to bother my friends about and I was embarrassed. They also don’t use Tumblr, so it would’ve been harder to explain.

I started a Tumblr blog a couple of days ago. It was just a small thing to write about characters for games and shows I was into. I made a pinned intro including groups I didn’t want to interact with the blog. I think the exact wording included “racists, homophobes, transphobes, furries - basically anyone with anything gross / hateful / offensive to say”. I didn’t see a problem with this at the time, however, not too long ago I got an anon ask that read “Seriously? Lumping furries with transphobes and homophobes? What’s wrong with you lmao”

In hindsight, I can totally see their point. I was undermining the severity of other hateful groups because, obviously, furries aren’t anything comparable to those things and have nothing to do with them. Even if I didn’t intend that in anyway, it could still undermine those sensitive topics and offend another group of people that have nothing to do with those things.

However, due to my anxiety, I guess I got triggered and panicked. I deleted my blog not too long after I read the message. I already have a lot going on with tests and stuff and I didn’t think it through. I should’ve apologized and held myself accountable. I would say it was be removing myself from a situation I wasn’t mentally prepared for, but I feel like I just ran away from a situation even though I knew I was in the wrong. I feel guilty.

I feel that my anxiety makes it so I cannot handle an online space. I am a creative, both an artist and writer, so I crave validation for my work from a large amount of people. But if I do so much as make a small mistake or do something unintentionally, I panic and isolate myself again. And then I feel worse because I feel like I’m running away from my problems. It’s like a bad cycle.

I’m sorry if this ask is too long or rambling, but I felt like talking to someone from the same platform would make it a bit easier for them to understand. I’m probably making this a way bigger issue than it is or maybe not. I get so in my head sometimes it’s hard to tell, and I hope that makes sense. Thank you once again and I hope you have a very nice day :)

Hey. I'm so glad you reached out!

I encountered a situation very similar to this on my main blog. I basically posted something very triggering to some people and didn't tag it properly. I added broad mental health related tags instead of more specific tags that would have appealed to a niche group that would have understood what I was talking about without being triggered. Someone submitted an anonymous ask, very kindly brought the inappropriate tagging to my attention. I was wildly embarrassed and wanted to curl up and die. I deleted the post and apologized in response to the ask. This really hurt my feelings and made me feel really stupid. In retrospect, I really appreciate that person pointing out the issue in a respectful manner. It helped me become more aware of how the Tumblr community works and helped me understand that I needed to be conscious of other people's situations. The best thing you can do at this point is to rebuild a blog for your work, and if you aren't sure about something you're posting, ask a friend, or of course, send me a message and I can help. I hope this was helpful and made sense. I am very proud of you for recognizing your mistake and growing from that. Everyone makes mistakes, but not many take the initiative to grow from them. Again, let me know if there is anything else I can help you with! Everything will be alright, you got this!

[mallowstep]

1/3 hi! um this is like a whole story but basically I was a huge fan of ur work for abt half a yr before I checked out ur tumblr and after like 2 months of that I came across ur proship posts. My first reaction was like not great. But then I sat with it for a while and I really thought about it for like a few months and I was like huh wow yk I actually really like this point of view. Anyways, after that, I tried to explore what proship actually was more starting with the reblogs and your posts

2/3 on here and then going from there. And it just made me feel so good. Like, there was no more tireless searching for every single possibly problematic thing in the media I consumed or making sure it wasn’t cringe, I kind of just did what I wanted. And I kind of ended up adopting that mentality in my everyday life and my depression has gotten so much better. Like in the end, is it really worth it if some random person on the internet thinks I’m problematic for reading warrior cats. Anyways

3/3 I just wanted to thank you because I never would have changed my mindset and fixed my mental health if it wasn’t for your blog and your clear explanations.

normally i would wait until the morning for this, but...i really wanted to get to it tonight. sigh. this as nothing to do with my inability to sleep at normal hours, no.

i appreciate you sticking around to find out what i'm about! (fwiw, i don't consider myself proship. i tend not to agree with self-described antis, but i've also met plenty an anti who doesn't...conflict with any of my viewpoints? they're...just someone who agrees with me? so.) seriously, i appreciate that a lot.

i think my blog is more a snapshot of what fandom was like back when i started on the internet, which was...well, fandom-wise, was around 2012? oh, the math i struggle thru for y'all. anyway. back then, my opinions were normal, if not leaning conservative. so it's...just really goddamn weird for me to find out my opinion is actually super controversial and heavily debated. i know i tell this story every time, but there was that post about asking if ships were okay and what you ship is between you and god.

but...yeah, that's what i'm all about. i'm about having fun. like...i legitimately worry about most self-described antis. it legitimately reminds me of the way i behaved when i was a bundle of anxiety and trauma responses. it's...not good. there are times when i have had to close a tumblr tab not because someone said something aggressive or anything, but just because...seeing someone question themselves like that was incredibly upsetting.

so i'm really happy you got out of that mindset, because i just...i don't know, it's not healthy behavior. i worked so hard to overcome it, i still work hard to overcome it, and it is fucking...terrifying to me that a community exists that validates people and encourages them to stay in that mindset and get worse. i've said i'm not here to change minds, and i'm not. i think that would destroy me. i've worked so hard to understand that i am not responsible for what other people do with my words. that i am not responsible for any harm that could happen. i don't think letting myself get into discourse beyond the level i'm currently at would be good for me.

but still, that doesn't mean i can't get happy when i did help someone.

so yeah, yeah i'm really happy for you. i hope...god. i don't do this to change minds and i don't think telling people directly that they should change or bad mental health is good. but. i hope people find peace. and i don't think that's...

urgh, okay. i have...learned that there are unanswerable questions. i used to think that all questions had answers. but. your anxiety is insatiable. there will always be something problematic to worry about. the only way to escape is to decide you aren't going to try. (that's some loosely repeated OCD therapy things. there's way more to this but it's late.)

so i'm really, truly glad i helped you. as someone with serious mental health problems that are reflected in how i engage with media...i get it. i get it fully. and i'm really happy things got better for you.

y'know i'm not here to change anyone's mind. i'm just a guy. i'm just a dude, who posts about warrior cats and sometimes rages at the world. but.

idk, i don't go out and expect to change anyone, but if anyone is changed by me, that feels good? and i do...i want people to find peace. i want people to not be wound up tight with insatiable anxiety. i want people to get to have fun and enjoy things.

(ending note:

"cringe" and "problematic" really stop mattering when you have a Cringe and Problematic Disorder. like. idk i have experienced a lot of harm. that's not a secret. i have experienced a lot of different kinds of pain. if you want to tell me that warrior cats is problematic, that i shouldn't engage with something that lets me understand my own goddamn life, or that sharing the way i do that and having people support me, when saying it directly is either something i can't do or something that leaves people speechless, fuck, go for it.

but i'm not going to listen. i have bigger problems. if i was gonna cringe about something, it'd probably be about a younger part talking to people, only i'm not even going to cringe about that. if i was concerned about something problematic about me, it'd probably be the fact that i got in a fist fight with myself, only that's...well okay, it's something i'm working on. but it's not something the internet gets to judge me for.

so like. yeah. idk. the past...six months? have really reframed a lot of things for me. i have really, really, really just stopped fucking caring.)

<3

[where-theres-smoak-2]

Oh man I was scrambling trough tumblr tag and I saw this LB quote about Aleksander: "The Darkling is beautiful, I wanted to create a leader who was charismatic, appealing, a dictator you could imagine yourself following, an antagonist you couldn't just dismiss. [...] The Darkling is beautiful and broken and had a rough childhood, but he's also a brutal, manipulative monster with no regard for human life. He's dangerous because he's seductive, because he evokes sympathy.

…I just don’t even know when to start with this? Can she come off as anymore ignorant and offensive by trying to sound so woke. I mean “beautiful and broken”?! Are you kidding me?!

(Book Spoilers. Trigger Warning: Trauma and Mental Health)

Hmm well I'm not sure you could really sum it up as a 'rough childhood' more like a rough life filled with alot of trauma that has left him isolated and struggling to form human connections. Also I'm not sure I like the term monster for someone who is made the way they are through trauma and also the line about him having no regard for human life is just false he has lines he wont cross which is why he didn't harm the grisha children in book 3 and he was never going to because he values their lives. To be honest though I had some issues with the way LB dealt with trauma and mental health in the books. Not just with Aleks either but with Sergei too, actually I found the way she treated Sergei and his mental health in the last book rather appalling. Sergei is established as being severely traumatised by losing Marie to the point where he struggles to function properly. I think out of all the characters in the trilogy he's depicted as having the worst trauma, all the other characters have bad dreams and what not but Sergei really does find it debilitating and he struggles with day to day tasks like eating, sleeping and even just walking/travelling takes its toll on him. But Alina's attitude towards Sergei at times was troubling. To be clear though I'm not blaming the character for this as it was just the way she was written but she seems to consider Sergei weak and his mental health a hindrance. Here are some extracts from R&R the first is right after Sergei accidently revealed Genya's real name to Nikolai:

I shot to my feet. “What happened?”

“Sergei let her real name slip. He seems to be taking to heights about as well as he took to caves.” I released a growl of frustration. Genya had played a key role in the Darkling’s plot to depose the King. I’d tried to be patient with Sergei, but now he’d put her in danger and jeopardised our position with Nikolai.

Sergei was nowhere to be found. Probably a good thing, since I didn’t have time to give him the pummelling he deserved.

And like I understand that this must have been a frustrating situation but Alina knows that Sergei is struggling with his trauma and that he didn't mean to cause anyone any harm. I can understand her frustration but I really don't like the line about the 'pummelling he deserves'. I just don't like the suggestion that a person who is clearly suffering from a mental health issue deserves to be punished for making a mistake because of his trauma. Here's another instance where Alina is annoyed at Sergei:

Sergei had slowed us during our fight with the militia. He was unstable. I could apologise, offer useless words, but I didn’t know how to help him, and it didn’t change the fact that we were at war. Sergei had become a liability.

Again I get the frustration but again I have issues with the suggestion that because they are at war Sergei should just pull it together. Or even this image that's being painted that people who have mental health issues are just a burden on those around them. People in real life who suffer with similar mental health issues like depression and anxiety often worry about feeling like a burden to their loved ones so this could be really triggering for them. Then there is this from Baghra:

“We came to find you. What’s the matter with that boy?”

“He’s had a hard time of it,” I said, leading them away from the tank room.

“Who hasn’t?”

“He saw the girl he loved gutted by your son and held her while she died.”

“Suffering is cheap as clay and twice as common. What matters is what each man makes of it."

This one really troubled me because its like LB is saying that you can control your own trauma or decide how the trauma is going to effect you. It's again this suggestion that Sergei is weak because he struggled with his trauma more than others did. But the part that actually kind of disgusted me when I read it and I actually had to stop reading the book for a bit because of how much it upset me is how the characters talk about Sergei after his death. Alina had sent Sergei away because she felt he had become a liability and he then went back to the darkling and told them all the information he had on Alina and co. This move was obviously one born of his trauma and was made out of desperation. On several occasions Sergei has said he is struggling with feeling safe and no matter how hard he tries he never feels safe. Alina even tells us that Sergei had gone back to the darkling looking for reassurance and safety which really makes sense, this man grew up at the LP the one place where grisha could be safe, he grew up under the protection of the darkling. Then he chose to stand with Alina and went through the trauma and grief of losing the woman he loved horrifically in an attack against the LP which was his original safe place. He then never feels safe again so it would make sense for him to go back to what previously had made him feel safe, the LP and the Darkling. But this is what the other characters say about Sergei after he is killed by the darkling:

I sat beside him, unsure what to say. I remembered sitting like this with Sergei in the tank room, searching for words of comfort and failing. Had he been scheming then, manipulating me? His fear had certainly seemed real.

Abruptly, Zoya said, “I should have known Sergei couldn’t be trusted. He was always a weakling.”

Though that seemed unfair, I let it pass.

“Oncat never liked him,” Harshaw added.

Genya fed a branch to the fire. “Do you think he was planning it all along?”

“I’ve been wondering that,” I admitted. “I thought he’d be better once we got out of the White Cathedral and the tunnels, but he almost seemed worse, more anxious.”

Abruptly, Adrik snarled, “I’m glad Sergei’s dead. I’m just sorry I didn’t get to wring his neck myself.”

Steel is earned. Adrik had that steel, and so did Nadia. She’d proven it again in our flight from the Elbjen. A part of me had wondered what Tamar saw in her. But Nadia had been in some of the worst fighting at the Little Palace. She’d lost her best friend and the life she’d always known. Yet she hadn’t fallen apart like Sergei or chosen life underground like Maxim. Through all of it, she’d stayed steady.

And yes again I understand why they feel betrayed but they knew that Sergei was struggling and instead of understanding that Alina is accusing him of manipulating her and Zoya is saying he couldn't be trusted and that he was a weakling. To be honest it kind of reminds me of the way people talk about the darkling. Instead of recognising their trauma and trying to understand they jump straight to well they were a bad, untrustworthy person who was manipulating me.

Then there is the last part where Alina is thinking about how Adrik and Nadia are strong because although they faced trauma they were able to keep going and keep fighting but not Sergei, Sergei was crippled by his grief and his trauma and this means he was weak. Maybe its because I have struggled with crippling mental health issues myself where I couldn't even get out of bed let alone do anything else but I just found this implication that Sergei was weak really offensive to those who do struggle that way. People deal with trauma in different ways and whilst some people can fight through it and will just have a keep calm and carry on attitude others can't, others just fall apart, but that doesn't make them weak. I also don't think this 'just carry on and push through it' attitude towards mental health issues is necessarily a healthy message. If you need help then you should ask for it and be able to have access to it. LB could have used this as an opportunity to show a character who is severely traumatised getting support and help to work through his trauma and heal. But I feel like nobody really helped Sergei and any comfort or support he got seemed to be grudgingly given and there was more of an attitude of I'll try to help you because your issues are a hindrance to me than because any of the characters actually cared about him and wanted to help him.

Sergei and the Darkling were both characters that were 'beautiful and broken' but neither one of them was given the support or help they needed. Instead they were painted as either weak or as a monster. So what kind of message does this send to readers who also struggle with trauma and mental health conditions?

[twopoppies]

First of all (and most important), I love your blog - THANK YOU for everything! Second, I am thoroughly enjoying all the origin stories of late and thought I could share mine.

Back in October (2021), I went through a severe mental health crisis and the only thing that allowed me a break from my brain was TikTok (as someone in her early 40's, this was slightly embarrassing). The algorithm should have kept me in the home improvement, kids doing stupid things, and cat videos, but suddenly I was seeing HSLOT tour clips. At first I'd swipe past, wondering why Harry was there invading my space. After a day or so, one of his songs caught my attention so I scrolled through some other content from the creator and was pleasantly surprised. I was aware of 1D when they were together and liked their radio songs, but was never a huge fan - thought I was too old for another boy band. Well, that must have been enough to trick the system, because from then on, at least 50% of my For You Page was Harry and 1D related. Within a day, I noticed a Larry Stylinson hashtag and knew that was definitely not the name of one of the boys. Confused by the reference, I Googled, and down the rabbit hole I descended. I believe I began on YouTube with videos touting the "Best Larry Stylinson Moments" (the arm touches!), eventually discovered CosmicLeeds (so good!), and then found the beauty of Tumblr (Allie, Daisie, and you specifically) and all the fantastic Masterposts (my lifelines!). I did make an early mistake of thinking Twitter was the best place to get my up-to-date info, but have since realized it's really a good place to visit, but not to stay. I value some of the people there and trust their opinions, but definitely don't take much seriously.

Anyway, even though I've only been here a short time, I feel like it's been forever. Deep dives and hyperfixation used as a coping mechanisms have provided me with a sound and thorough Larry education. :) I love these boys and am blown away/inspired by their story. Soulmates, definitely! I'm even working on putting together my own blog here. Working out the kinks. We'll see how it goes...

Thank you again for your thoughts, your brain, and your humor (and for letting me tell my story)! Larry is real and there is no one who can convince me otherwise.

PS

Saw Louis on tour last month and was happier than I've been in a long time. Went with a friend who was a huge 1D fan back in the day, but hadn't kept up with their solo careers. I fixed that. :)

Hi honey. I love this so much! I hope that you’re in a better place, mentally and emotionally, now. And I am so glad you’re here! I was just talking to someone today about how the TikTok algorithm really can send you in weird directions. I’m so glad yours sent you to Larry. Lol! Definitely start blogging. And come say hi when you do! Also shout out to @cosmicleeds @skepticalarrie and @daisiesonafield-blog they’re out there doing the lord’s work. 💗💗💗

[thefactsofthematter]

tell us about how spot and race’s lives turn out from ur recent fic! (also love ur writing keep up the good work!)

i’m glad u asked dear anon! (and tysm!!)

so i didn’t include any of this in the actual fic bc i wanted readers to draw their own conclusions about what happened, but here’s how i see things going down! it’s a little long since it’s pretty much an entire epilogue spanning their whole lives, so buckle in lol

(i really did try to put this under the cut but tumblr mobile isn’t cooperating and i don’t feel like turning my computer on rn. sorry folks.)

- race’s mental health is pretty rocky for a while immediately after the story ends— he gets a lot of people checking up on him, thinking breaking up with spot was one of his impulsive, manic decisions, and the fact that so many people are questioning his mental state sends him spiralling a little. the stress gets his symptoms to worsen (mania, more persistent and disturbing hallucinations/delusions), especially bad now that he lives alone, and he ends up checking himself into a psych ward after a few months of secretly struggling and pretending to be okay.

- this gets spot to worry immensely when he finds out: they’ve got enough mutual friends that they’re still in the same circles, and now that the initial hurt of the breakup is waning, he’s got a renewed but purely friendly love for race. he doesn’t quite feel ready to see him in person, but he sends flowers to the hospital with a very sweet note, to let race know he’s thinking about him <3

- in the longer term, race gets more stable, finishes his phd, and works his way back up to being more independent, but realizes that he doesn’t trust himself to live alone— he lives with crutchie for a while, and then meets albert through some mutual friends in his early 30s, and they start dating! they live their double-income-no-kids-not-married fantasy for a good while; neither of them are necessarily rich, but they’re stable enough to be able to travel lots and see the world. they’re not quite madly in love, but they make each other pretty happy, and they only separate (after almost a decade together) when albert gets a job offer somewhere across the world— race doesn’t want to move, but al wants to take the job, so they have a very amicable split with an agreement that race will come visit someday.

- in the meantime, spot never does land another long term relationship, but he adopts as a single parent, just like medda adopted him and jack. he raises three kids in a hipster little suburb just outside the city and does his very best— just like race had predicted, he’s an amazing dad. he doesn’t really worry about romance, perfectly content with his little family. he and race keep in touch— the common link usually being jack, as spot’s brother and race’s best friend, who invites them to all his family functions and whatnot. even while race is dating albert, spot isn’t particularly jealous, since he now sees race’s point about their very different ideas for the future much clearer. he’s happy where he’s at, and he’s glad race is happy doing his own thing. they still make very good friends, at the end of the day.

- BUT!!! it’s only when one of spot’s kids starts really struggling with mental health that sprace start growing a little closer— his sixteen year-old daughter is diagnosed with bipolar disorder, so spot’s immediate reaction is to call race up for some insight. race ends up being a really great mentor for her, sharing his coping strategies and giving her someone to relate to, so by consequence, he spends a lot more time with the conlons. spot’s kids are older now, his youngest just starting high school, so he’s finally able to step out of spending every waking minute focusing on being a dad— he’s got a little more time for his own adult relationships.

- cue a couple years of sprace very slowly falling back in love with each other but being too nervous to say it… until spot’s youngest finally asks “so is he, like, our stepdad now? he’s here every other day, and you look at him like you’ve got a crush.” this is enough of a kick in the ass to get him to actually talk to race, who confesses that if spot will have him, he’d really like to get back together. they do, and it’s finally right. they’re well into their forties, but race is at a point where settling into spot’s chiller life feels good, and spot is ready to start stepping back out of his comfort zone now that his kids are pretty much independent, so they can finally balance each other out the way they used to.

- they get married eventually!!! spot couldn’t bear to part with the ring from the first time around, so he re-proposes once they’ve been back together for a while (“my old-ass knees don’t appreciate me getting down like this, so you better say yes this time”) and they have a sweet little backyard wedding, mostly organized by spot’s kids. they’re in their fifties by then, but they’re even more in love than they were in college <333

[randomestfandoms-ocs]

Obligatory New Year’s Post

So... it’s 2022 now.  Nothing feels different, and I’m sure I’m not alone in that, but I’m still glad to put the worst year behind me, and to try to be a bit sappy and optimistic heading into the new year. 

To start, some ranting/sharing about 2021

As many of you know now, my grandmother passed away two weeks ago.  I was extremely close with her (those of you who’ve been following me for a while might remember that I used to go to her apartment every Thursday night, and once wrote an entire post about how wonderful she is) and while this isn’t a surprise, it’s still incredibly painful and difficult.  Several months ago she had a stroke and her health took a significant blow, and taking care of her has been very draining on all of us.  At the moment I’m not just dealing with significant grief, but also the mental and emotional toll of the past 4-5 months suddenly hitting me.

On top of this, my job has also been extremely draining.  A lot of us seniormost staff are being expected to take on additional duties with training, customer concerns, and general managerial bullshit that’s far above our paygrade while newer staff resent us for telling them how to do their jobs and expecting the bare minimum from them and “thinking that we’re better than them”.  It’s exhausting, it’s frustrating, and frankly none of us are paid nearly enough to deal with this.  It’s also a physically demanding job, I already had to ask my manager to take me off the rotation for some positions due to my chronic pain, and the holidays are our busiest time of year.  Our busiest day of the entire year was the day that my grandmother died, so I’m sure you can imagine how great that particular weekend was.  I’m incredibly lucky to have a handful of wonderful, supportive coworkers who really had my back during all of that, but my job certainly hasn’t helped me with taking the time to deal with the emotional turmoil that I’ve been struggling with.

And honestly, tumblr has become very draining for me too.  I feel like nothing I do is ever enough, and that takes a toll too.  Ever since March, I’ve been posting a minimum of three times times a day, and I’m making anywhere between one and ten edits a day to stay on top of my schedule.  And I know this might sound vain or conceited, but I hardly get any engagement or notes on my posts.  No one owes me reblogs, I’m well aware of that (and I’m aware that I’ve been particularly bad at reblogging lately, I’m hoping to get better at that in 2022), but it’s still extremely discouraging to feel like I work so hard all the time and get totally ignored.  It’s no one’s fault or responsibility, I’m not trying to guilt trip anyone, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t still hurt

Resolutions:

This year, I want to try to be less stressed about edits.  My schedules help me keep myself organized when I have too many ideas, but I want to work on treating it more like a guideline than a rulebook.  If I miss a post or change my mind, it’s not the end of the world — and maybe people will engage with/enjoy my edits more if they’re more spread out (though this year I’d like to get better at actually enjoying my own edits instead of only enjoying others’ responses). 

I also want to finish updating/remaking my masterlists, and I want to go through my huge list of half completed oc ideas and get them finished.  I’m sure there’ll still be several that I never do anything for, but I want to get them all out onto their masterlists so they can stop hanging over me like the sword of damocles.

And I want to to be a better friend.  I know that I’ve let it slide (especially in the past few months) but I want to be better at talking to people.  Sending more asks, keeping up with messages, reblogging more posts, all of it. I know that I’m good at things like having giveaways, and organizing / participating in the gift exchanges, and that whole side of things, but I’m not good at making or maintaining actual friendships and I want to work on that because truly I have met some of the most wonderful people here.

Obligatory Sappiness:

I do really need to take a moment to talk about some of the amazing friends I have in this community!  There are so many of y’all and I know I won’t be able to tag everyone so I’m not even going to try (because then I’ll feel super guilty for missing anyone) but seriously, you guys are amazing and I love you all so much!!!

That being said, I do need to give shoutouts to a few people, who have really been there for me these past few months and especially the past couple of weeks.  I appreciate you all so so much, thank you for existing and for being my friends 💖 @lorettastwilight​ @perfectlystiles​ @megdonnellys​ @the-october-reviewer​ @reggiemantleholdmyhand-tle​ @hughstheforcelou​ @guardiansofheroes​ @themildestofwriters​ @darknightfrombeyond​ and there are so so so many others, you all know who you are!!

I love you all and I hope that 2022 is kinder to all of you!!!

[mama-pigtails]

Hi mama! I hope you don’t mind me asking for some advice (><;) I’ve been thinking about finding myself a caregiver but I’ve seen a lot of post for newbie regressors looking for caregivers about how important boundaries are. While I’m pretty well aware about the basics of boundaries, I’m worried that I’ll be too needy and make our relationship one-sided because I tend to get really codependent with people fast :S I’m also generally a bit hesitant because as of me writing this I’m a minor and the agere community is filled with a lot of adults so finding a caregiver in my age rage would be easier said than done. Do you have any tips to quell my anxieties? You don’t have to answer this if you don’t want to or if you don’t have an answer to!

Hi sweet pea! It’s absolutely okay to ask for advice, I don’t mind at all! It’s what I’m here for, after all.

Finding a caregiver can be a lovely thing, but it can be pretty tough as well! I think one of the most important things is to state boundaries, expectations, and worries up front - it’s okay to tell someone that you’re worried about being too “needy” or the relationship being one-sided. People only know what you tell them and what they see, and the more you tell someone about yourself and your thoughts, the better they know how to care for you.

But it’s important to remember that not every caregiver/big sib can be there 100% of the time. I know for some regressors, myself included, this can be hard to hear, but I promise you that being “needy” isn’t a bad thing! It’s just important to remember that everyone has lives outside of the agere community, and they will likely have mental health struggles of their own. So it might be important for you and a potential caregiver to discuss that, and for them to make it clear that if they don’t reply for a little bit, they’re not upset with you or ignoring you, they probably just haven’t seen your message yet, or are unable to be online at the moment. It might also help for you to tell them that if they’re going to be away for a little while, they can let you know - that way, you’re not taken by surprise. And if you do find yourself in the situation that they’re not responding, a little message or a colored picture goes a long way! Just let them know you’re thinking of them, and then they have something to smile at when they’re online again.

As for your age, I’m glad you realize it might be harder to find a caregiver in your age range. A good place to start would be the spaces you’re familiar with, like posting here on tumblr or by looking for Discord servers. Remember to keep your mind open! But if you ever feel uncomfortable or even unsafe when talking to someone, trust your gut.

Keep in mind, too, that you might not find a caregiver, and that’s okay! There are lots of things you can do to care for yourself - like setting timers for when to brush your teeth, or keeping a sticker chart for chores. And, of course, there are always plenty of blogs like mine that are for regressors, and I’m sure lots of them would be happy to talk to you!

I really hope this helps, love, and I wish you the best of luck on your caregiver quest! ❤️💛💙

[rpedia]

I've been reading some of your old stuff lately and a question has come to mind. What inspired you to start this whole blog?

Okay yes, folks are asking if I’m still alive. I haven’t really been active on Tumblr since 2017, there was some weird stuff going down in my life, whoops. But, I will respond to this! For no particular reason at all, except I guess to let you guys also know I sorta moved on. Still, I always have this in the back of my head as something I’d like to pick back up someday, but haven’t frankly gotten control of my life enough to do so. Plus Tumblr kinda, you know... did the thing. Anyways. I built this blog because I have been RPing since 1996. I was eight years old, and I started out on Yahoo. This gave me a unique perspective: The first internet browser was in 1993. Google was created in 1998. I have been actively RPing online since before Google existed. I still RP in public chat rooms every day, shepherding newbies and exploring plots. This means I have seen... a lot. I’ve been through a lot. I watched internet communities form, I helped build some of them, I’ve moderated rooms and sites, and worked hard to keep it fair and teach others. Since I have a tendency to want to help, I made help profiles, things to make it easier for people to create their worlds. I answered questions. I answered a lot of questions. ... I answered the same questions about 30 times in a row, and it was just about time to write down a final form of my answer so next time someone asked I could just link a web page. So, I made a Tumblr in 2011, and started keeping a catalog of things I’ve answered in chatrooms when asked. Tried to make a best practices kinda thing people could at least reference. But I’m still pretty mouthy, so I decided to make it fit me. No shine, no polish, just spitting my opinions into the void and hoping someone could find a little help, maybe a tidbit that makes them realize something. I know a lot of my posts are a little oof nowadays, it was ten years ago, but I’m glad I see people still getting some use out of them by taking me with a grain of salt, as always.

So, that’s the simple answer. I got tired of repeating myself. After that, I decided for every person who asked, 10 more probably didn’t know they could, or hadn’t thought about it. If I helped a couple people here and there over time, then by god that’s what I wanted to do. So, I posted, and it turned out a lot of people could use a lot of help and I’m happy to give it. And then I got flooded with questions, went through a rough patch in my life, sunk down into mental health issues, couldn’t sit down and write posts that were “good enough”, Tumblr decided to change and everyone swore they were leaving in protest, and... I stopped posting. But I know this place helped people, so I’m staying by my promise. I don’t delete any posts I haven’t tagged “tobedeleted”. I also hope maybe I’ll be in a place, emotionally/mentally/physically where I can answer more stuff in the future.

Thank you so much to all of you who’ve read this, who’ve liked it, who still follow me even though this blog is super dead for the time being. You made me into something good, someone who tries to RP and be good to others and understand them as much as myself, and I appreciate that. In lieu of updates for the time being, I’ll leave you with this: Keep roleplaying, keep having fun, and keep being the best you can be to other people. Keep growing! There’s always somewhere to go from here, even if you can’t see it. Thank you for still being here. 💕

[theprologues]

Hey pro, i was thinking about having a break from tumblr. I am an open mind gal so I liked all the Taylor blogs and just let my feed rip! The discord was intense!! I found myself feeling uneasy and worried about which “side” I was on. Instead, I unfollowed a bunch of negative kaylor blogs and realised I don’t need to be openminded to people who are blatantly trying to hurt others. It’s manipulative. And guess what, I feel good again. Not cuz kaylor is or isn’t real, but because the people I am engaging with aren’t fueling toxicity. Just wanted to share for anyone else in the same predicament as I was. Much love to blogs like yours✌️

You’re going to make me cry. This makes me so happy. I try to be a good person in life and everything I do -- including this little blog. I never want to think that I am contributing to toxicity. Sometimes I fall into toxic habit spirals like I’m hanging out with the wrong people and when I come up for air I realize the things that were holding me down. I’m glad that you did what’s best for your own mental health. Also, discords with too many people can be overwhelming.

We already have so much stimuli everywhere else in our lives this is suppose to be a nice place for a hobby that is about loving and supporting others. 💖