#got a doc appointment tomorrow evening but what if he just tells me it's nothing 😭

[unxpctedlygreat]

bad coughing fits again 😭 all this because she came for the holidays while sick and didn't bother trying to keep her sickness to herself

the past few days had seemed ok, i dont get why it's gotten back to this, it's so frustrating because i cant control it!!!!!

[legend-the-dumb-jock]

The body wrecker returns

Jason was your typical 22 old man. Always doing what he could to show how much of an alpha he was. But he was bad. Very bad. I had been asked to watch him for a far like I normally do. And I seen it all. Cockiness. Grabbing his dick out in public. Always showing off his body. I even heard him go on a long rant with some of his friends about how much he couldn’t stand Latino people. And I just stood there. Listening. Absorbing all the information I needed to really wreck his body. When he got up to walk back to his car that’s when I got him. And took over. His friends didn’t even know anything was different as I waved goodbye at them while Jason slept in his subconscious mind. On the way home I got hungry for the first time in a long time. Not having a body does that to you. So pulled over and walked into a Mexican restaurant. Jason hated Mexican food. As he sat there scrolling through Jason’s phone he got more information about the body he possessed. Strict schedules he went by. Even on his tumblr page i could see all his likes and even some of his dislikes as i went through chat messages. Jason had some serious issues. Well I literally chuckled as I was about to give him some more. And a lot of them. Before I left the restaurant I had already applied and been approved for 5 credit cards. 10k Max on everyone. Turns out Jason had some really good credit. Too bad he was just an ass hat. He would have been a fun body me to control for a while.

When I got back to Jason’s apartment … or rather mine. I took a picture. I wanted to make sure we had a copy of the progress that I was going to make on him.

Damn I looked good. Again. It’s a shame that Jason was such an ass hole. My first order of business. I made some appointments. Some that Jason would have never made. I had an appointment scheduled tomorrow with the local doctor. And I even messaged my fitness trainer and fired him. There no need for him anymore. He messaged me back saying something about a breach of contract but I just went ahead and blocked him. Not my problem after all right ? I went through my new wardrobe. Muscle shirts. Shorts. Haha anything to show off my hot body. I went ahead and ordered some more food to be delivered to house. Even went to the store next door and got some beer and pigged out. I rubbed my abs the whole time abs chuckled as I poked each one and said “good bye little guy”! I even went ahead and ordered some carbo gain mass gaining shake from online. The next morning I got up and finished the food from the night before. Practicing poking my belly out. I went to the doctor in the socket by building that we agreed to meet at. And when I walked in he just raised an eye brow as he let out a breathe of smoke from his cigarette he was smoking. “You look nothing like what I expected.” We spoke for a little bit about what I am was looking for. Life altering. Permanent. Different. Everything I knew that would get his attention. I had done my homework. Doc had his license taken away for doing life altering operations on people he felt needed punishing. And I was no different. “Doc. In the end. I don’t want to look like this. I want to be entirely different. And that’s all I needed to seal my fate. And shortly after we were already making plans. I gave him 3 of my credit cards for payment. He gave me some medicine to take and my world went dark. I couldn’t wait for this. I woke up my face hurting and I was morning from the pain. “Don’t tell you’ve changed your mind now”. Said the doc as he pressed against my arm. I could feel his hard shaft through his pants. Yeah he really liked changing people. “Of course not. This is what I needed.” He chuckled and said “Good. You’re surgery went much better than I expected. Maybe because you’re so willing .” I sat up and grabbed some glasses. I waived myself out and the doctor only said “let me know when your done with this change you’ve set your mind on. I’d love to see the end “ and with that I gave him the finger pistols.

When I got back to the apartment I had just finished making the biggest Changes for Jason. Now I had to work on everything else. I went online and my favorite boosters were now on the way. I looked in the mirror. Jason I hope you remember you life well because when you’re back in control it will be extremely different. Over the next few weeks while Jason’s face healed i continued to take the bulking agents. Drinking my carbo gaining shakes. Making sure that i was doing specific things to Jason’s body that would last for good. One of the shots that I started taking made my white skin begin to darken. That with some lotion and heavy tanning I started to look like a different race. I was fully prepared for this on day one when I got back to Jason’s apartment. I was going to do everything in my power to make his what he truely hated. A fat Hispanic man. I even started to process to change his name. I thought Jason was too Americanized. Not one that was going to fit this body when I was done. José was more fitting. I took the bandages off at the end of the first month and was shocked. The doctor did good ! Jason would never pass as American again. Plump lips. Accentuated cheek bones. He even changed the way my eyes were. Making them look for Latin. And my nose was the best part. It was no longer thin but bulbous and round. A perfect Latin nose. I was nearing 2 months in this body when I got a call that I had to go ASAP and fix someone else. So with the last few thousand dollars I had I called the doctor again. Again I met him in his hotel room and he was shocked to see the work I had done. I was joe a dark man. One that we oukd easily pass for his panic. And from his previous work I now looked liked one too. “I need you to do something a little drastic to me. See I need you to make this” I cradle my small belly “bigger. And if you can I need you to really fatten up my face. And I need you to really thin this out ” I said pointing to the hair on my head. The doc had a noticeable boner when I said this and of course he agreed to it. Again I took the pill. Right before the doc told me that these would be some seriously permanent change she was about to make. Over the next few days I lay asleep as the doctor change me some more. Adding fat here and there. He had managed to put a sac in my stomach that he continued to add a mixture of his own ingredients to would permanently bull this body up. When he finally pulled out the hose it left a scar on my belly button making it puff out slightly. The mixture over time would sit like cement. Becoming a part of me. Permanently hard and round. My face had ballooned in size. When I did ally walked out the room a few days later I had been successful in making sure that Jason would never pass as American. All his cards now had a new name. Even when I got back to my apartment I seen that I now has a deep male pattern baldness line. I had effectively turned this man from an American into a full blown Hispanic daddy. All at the age of 22. Even though he now looked much older than that. I took one last check to try and shake my dick. Nope. Impossible now. One of the final touches to his transformation. I struggled to put some Speedo’s on but when I did I went to the beech down the street. When I left Jason body he there. Surrounded by people. People he had hated for his whole life. And I made sure he was standing near a mirror. So he could see full and well what he would look like from here on out. When I left him he was crying. My work was done.

April 18th, 2021 8:22pm bodywrecker race change

[gonzogodzilla]

I am struggling. I keep having new weird symptoms pop up and I keep having doctors go "lol no big deal". My neurology follow up is October 13 and I have resigned myself to accept that he is probably going to brush me off. And that I am going to just continue living with all of this nonsense.

I'm starting to have optical symptoms. I told her it was pointless, but my mum was convinced we should go to emerg. We spent like 6hrs there just for the doc to tell us he thinks it's an optical migraine. Even though I was on day two of vision loss. I googled it when I got home and with both aura or retinal migraines vision loss only lasts about an hour, it's the other symptoms that linger.

And that's fine, I mean, basically what he said to us what from an emerg point of view with the information presented in front of him- this is it, this is all he can do. Which is nothing. Which is exactly what I expected. Chronic illness, diagnosis, all of that? Not an emergency. If I'm not in debilitating pain, THEY DON'T CARE.

Can you work? Amazing. Doesn't matter if you're suffering while you do it. As long as you're still functional, they don't give a shit. It's not a priority. You can wait to see your specialist. You can wait 6 months to talk to a doctor. It isn't a priority. Your suffering is unimportant. It's tolerable. You're fine.

On top of this I had a cold for 5 weeks and now I have pneumonia. These are all suuuuper normal things that healthy people have happen to them all the time, right?

My eyes still feel weird but I've been sitting in the dark for two days. The vision loss seems to act up in bright light. I have no idea if I should drive to work tomorrow or suck it up and pay for another Uber. And I have no one to ask. The emerg doc was like "wait and talk to your neurologist" as if I can just call him up every time I get a new symptom. What do I do between appointments?

I might be losing it a little bit. I just have no idea what I'm supposed to do about any of this. Do I move back in with my mum? Do I keep trying to do it alone? Will this get better? I'm so tired.

[caffinatedconfusion]

On today’s episode of “what the fuck is she rambling about” I’m gonna tell my journey with getting medicated.

4 years ago I got a big kid job that came with my very own health insurance. I thought maybe it was time to talk to my doctor about my sadness and anxieties. So I made an appointment with my general practitioner who diagnosed me with minor depression and generalized anxiety. He prescribed me celexa and told me that I must be sad because I moved across the country and don’t know anyone here yet. So I took it religiously. I was numb. I didn’t care about anything. When I drank alcohol I became severely depressed to the point that I would lock myself in the bathroom and cut my wrists. When I was sober I just didn’t feel. It was like an out of body experience, I was just watching myself.

I made an appointment with a psychiatrist. I explained my feelings and side effects of the celexa. She diagnosed me with major depression and generalized anxiety. She prescribed a different SSRI - you guessed it - Zoloft. I went up in doses over the course of two and a half years. In those two and a half years, I still had severe anxiety all of the time. At work, when I should be relaxing at home, out with friends. It felt like when you drink too much caffeine and your heart races, you sweat and are jittery. The PA prescribed buspar. It was barely touching the anxiety. Mind you, I was still drinking at the time, so that likely didn’t help.

When I got sober, I went back to my PA and told her I still couldn’t manage the anxieties I was having. So, because of my history with addiction, I was given propranolol. Which yes, is a hypertension (high blood pressure) medication but it can be used off label at low doses to reduce the physical effects of anxiety. My addict brain was kicking myself for telling her the truth about my addiction because maybe she would have given me Ativan or Xanax. But my sober brain was glad I was honest because I didn’t want to go back down that road.

So now I’m up to 3 medications but I was still depressed. I was less anxious but it was not enough. I was still full of rage and irritability. I didn’t understand why I’d have 1 good day and the next 7 I couldn’t even bring myself to shower. Or why I’d be in a good mood and one little thing said or minor inconvenience would send me into a tailspin. One day my boyfriend (now husband) said something jokingly and it set me off. We fought for hours. I blacked out with rage. I’d never done that before. I said a lot of mean things that I don’t even actually think. It was terrifying after the fact because nothing like that ever happened to me before. I don’t even remember what he said that set me off. I was also having terrible sexual side effects on Zoloft. As in, I never wanted to have sex anymore. That was not good for my relationship.

I went back to the PA and told her about the sexual side effects and my blackout rage. I wanted to try a different medication. An SNRI, serotonin norepinephrine reuptake inhibitor. She gave me cymbalta. While it helped with the sexual side effects I still didn’t feel entirely normal. Still depressed. Still only having maybe 1 day of actual happiness. Where I’d blow all my money and figure out which bills I could float to the next month. It was tomorrow’s problem. I still knew something wasn’t right.

I finally made an appointment with the MD. I gave a quick synopsis and he was able to read the notes from his PA that I was seeing previously. Doc told me I have bipolar II, as previously discussed in another post. He prescribed lamictal. I think that was the magic pill. The missing piece in my drug cocktail. It’s helped me level out my emotions and instead of being super high or super low, I’m in the middle. Very little irritation and frustration. Which is fantastic. This is what normal people without mental disorders feel like.

4 prescriptions. Once daily. I hate my brain and just wish it would make the things that it’s supposed to. I hate taking all those pills. Relying on them to even have a morsel of normalcy and happiness. I’m glad they do the stuff n things but I hate that I have to rely on them.

I know I know. Someone out there suggests the holistic approach, but my employer does random drug testing. Someone is probably thinking “it’s just Big pharma trying to control us”. But without big pharma I’d be in big trouble. I’d probably give back into my addictions. that is not the move.

I’ll leave y’all with this in mind, everyone is different and some meds work better for others than they do for me. Medication is NOT a one size fits all. Also, medication isn’t for everyone - and that’s okay too.

-xoxo

DD

[honeyhenry]

Captain Confusion

A/N: Inspired by this video that makes me weep with its cuteness! I just had to write this okay 🥺🥺🥺 This is in the same universe as Homeward Bound, which happens after this story. Feel free to give it a read after this, if you haven’t already! ALSO should note that the lovely @ohmygoodie​ is my Sy partner in crime and without them this fic would not be made possible :)

Warning: mention of operations/hospitals, and a whole lot of fluff!

It was a simple procedure and so it hadn't worried you too much, other than the usual fears when a loved one is under the knife while in the hands of trained doctors. Sy’s hernia had been authorised for operation only five minutes into the doctor’s appointment you had all but dragged him to, and scheduled for 4 days later. Not really much time to prepare mentally, but you knew it was necessary with your big bear of a man in pain. Despite the painkillers prescribed, he was walking with a limp and groaning in bed for all the wrong reasons.

In the waiting room, you and his Ma kept busy during the 45 minute wait by looking through magazines, talking about how the Captain’s quality of life will improve, and what kind of minor jobs you’ll have him do around the house while he’s recovering as you continue to work.

“I hope the recovery isn’t as long as some people have said. I know for a fact he’ll not want to be cooped up all day. If he’s anything, he’s stubborn” you sigh, knowingly.

Ma smiles, looking at you pointedly, knowing that she is in the presence of the only other soul who knows what is best for her son. “He knows better now that his health is his wealth. He’s got a lot more riding on being well now. After all, it’s not just him he’s gotta be there for anymore.”

“Yeah, I mean I always tell him, he’s not 25 anymore. Or even 30. I’ll need you to back me up, he does anything you say. I’m his equal, you’re his Mom.”

You both laugh a little, hers warm and kind, while yours tinges with the remaining hopeful nerves of an army Captain’s wife. You don’t like not knowing about your Sy, especially since you spent all those years apart, not knowing if he was safe, or even alive. The waiting, in any capacity, is the hardest part.

You’re flipping through a random tabloid magazine, when the surgeon in charge walks through to the waiting room.

“Everything went really well with Captain Syverson. He’s coming to from the anaesthetic and asking for his Ma?”

Ma grins before sucking her teeth between her lips watching as your mouth drops. You both move from the waiting area to follow the surgeon towards where your husband is resting. You speak under your breath, only wanting Sy’s Ma to hear you; “I hope he still remembers how to grovel after this.”

Ma enters the room with you following her, arriving only a couple more corridors along from where you’d last seen him earlier that morning. He may not have asked for you but you were going to see Sy whether he wanted it or not. A grand push of the door allows it to swing open, and suddenly there he is. A little disoriented but has a large dopey smile plastered on his face as soon as he sees his Ma. His heavy head lolls to one side as he rests it on the plush hospital pillow.

“Hey Ma” he groans out as she bends over her large son to give his forehead a kiss, taking his hand in hers. He spends a moment just gazing at her for a while, the love he has for her evident on his face, as she tells him that everything went well, and that he can go home tomorrow.

It’s only after this tender mother and son moment, that he notices you.

“Ma.... why ya bringing a beautiful girl here when I’m like this...oh god I’m not wearing underwear Ma!”

His feeble attempt at trying to cover himself means that you actually end up seeing far more of him than you expected. Nothing you hadn’t seen before, but it definitely hasn't happened in front of his own mother before. The whole situation makes you blush and giggle a little as you try your best to avoid eye contact with Ma. You can only imagine the look on her face, and you don’t want to get any more involved with Sy’s naked form than you need to right now.

Rather than put you and your poor Sy through any further embarrassment, Ma speaks up.

“Oh darlin’, this is y/n. You remember her, right?”

And while he’s listening - or at least pretending to listen to his Ma fussing over him again - he’s just staring at you, gazing in awe as if you were the one to hang the stars in the sky.

“You are.... so pretty” he slurs, making you break out a genuine smile that he mirrors, glad that he was the one to make you look even more pretty.

“Well thanks handsome. How do you feel?” you perch on the edge of the bed and hold his hand. To him, the gesture feels warm and inviting - even if he doesn't know you, he recognises something about you in the comfort that you bring.

“Feel like shit. Oh fuck i said ‘shit’ in front of the lady” he whines again, scrunching his eyes closed as hangs his head in shame. It looks like he might even cry with the realisation that he’s made such a foolish impression of himself. It takes Ma shushing him and making him take a sip of juice from his bedside to calm down, dabbing his face with a cloth when his juice spills from his mouth.

“Oh Logan Daniel Syverson...what did they do to ya?” she lightly scolds as she helps clean up the mess he’s unknowingly created around him. That’s your Sy, a hurricane of mess that somehow fits into order just how he likes it.

You giggle a little more at his shameful expression, before he refocuses, giving you his undivided attention once more.

“How is it that ya know my Ma and we’ve never met? Or have we? ‘Cause I think i’d remember a face like yours” 

“Well...” you start, tucking a piece of hair behind your ear to let him see your entire face, hoping it would jog his memory. As you do so, the ring on your fourth finger glints in the hospital light, and for the first time since you've entered the room, he’s noticed.

“Oh...man...knew a girl like you would be snatched up already. Whoever has the honour of being yours is a very lucky man.” He smiles softly, a wistful look in his eye, while makes you realise that you can’t wait for the drugs to leave his system, you have to remind him who you are and who he is, right this very moment.

“Sy honey... we’re married. You’re my husband, and I’m your wife. I think the drugs are making you more than a bit loopy.”

It’s his turn for his jaw to drop, his eyes are unblinking as he takes in what you’ve just said. He turns sharply - more than his doctor would have probably liked - to his Ma, and then back to you, and then his Ma again, waiting for one of you to burst out laughing at the prank you surely must be playing on him.

“Wha-? A wife? I have a wife?” you nod and he exhales a deep breath of air in amazement. 

“YOU’RE my wife? Really?” you nod again and Ma smiles at you as she watches the scene of Logan meeting you all over again.

“Am I still in the army? I’m a Captain ya know”

“You left just a few months ago. You still work in the local camps, of course. You like it there, and you’re home every night and most weekends.”

“Does Ma like you?” You don’t even get a chance to finish as he turns to his mother “Do you like her? is she nice? Does she like your new kitchen? I built it y’know.” 

You knew when you met, dated, and married him, that Sy was a Momma’s boy. He loves his mother so much, that her opinion will always mean the world to him. 

Ma nods “You two are the sweetest couple. She’s the best addition to the family, gives you a run for your money alright. She’s my new favourite.” You get a soft hug from her as she says this, with her wrapping her arm around your shoulders and pulling you close. She’s always felt so grateful that her Logan found you, because my goodness did he love you ferociously, and he needed you in his life. You were the making of him, and the whole Syverson clan will forever be grateful to you for it.

"And where did we get married? If we really are married.” He continues his line of questioning.

“At the ranch, on your family’s land. it was such a special day. We had the reception there too. And we went to Italy for our honeymoon.”

Sy is basking in every word you say, praying it to be true, as if he could will it into existence if it hadn’t already happened, wanting badly to remember sunset kisses and italian food and beach days all spent with you. He perks up at the last thing you say, taken by complete surprise.

“Honeymoon?! Oh my god have we...ya know..?” A blush fades over Sy’s face, and even though you love his Ma, you really wish she wasn’t finding out so many details about your personal life today, like how your son rails you on the regular in many ways, and in many places. He must somehow remember or at least accurately imagine your past endeavours, as he grins like a little shit. 

You smack his arm, lightly but with a firm hand.

“Be quiet, or the whole ward will know about our sex life” you threaten. “Yes we’ve had sex. i’d hope so given that we have a kid on the way.”

If Ma had had to deal with her son getting horny over his “new”wife, she was being fully compensated for it as she witnessed him fall head over heels in love with you, all over again.

“A kid?...Tell me ya not messing with me...are we really- I-” he swallows and his tears come even easier than before “We’re havin’ a baby?” With the sudden realisation, he turns to his Ma. “This beautiful woman right here’s havin’ my kid, Ma?” He looks between the two of you again, watching as you both nod and beam from ear to ear.

“You know you cried just as much when i told you for the first time too. i promise when the drugs are out your system it’ll all make sense again.”

Sy smiles, clutching your hand in his warm palm, almost scared to let go as the door is knocked and he feels you might be taken away. Instead, it’s a welcome visitor.

“Hey doc,” Sy greets the man who reenters the room, now freshly out of scrubs  to visit his patient - who if anything is now simply love sick, no hernia to be found. “This is my wife, and she’s having a baby.” he looks back to you with a quirk of his eyebrow “My baby?” You roll your eyes and he confirms it; “my baby.”

“Oh, congratulations...again.”

The doctor’s evaluation and explanations don’t take long, and while Sy is being informed, you start rubbing your belly as a form of self-comfort. You will need to remind your child that while their father looks incredibly stern and impossibly large, he is silly and goofy and already loves them with his entire being. Over the course of the afternoon, Sy talks with you while the anaesthetic wears off. It turns out they had given him a pretty high dosage based on his height and muscle mass, so he would be out of action for a couple of hours at least.

“Oh, i have your ring” you pipe up before he starts getting too sleepy again, taking the thick gold band off of the necklace around your neck, placing it on his finger carefully.

“That feels better already” he sighs, as he begins to doze in and out of consciousness. Before he closes his eyes once more to rest peacefully, a small tear slides down his cheek, which you of course, notice. Sy has cried maybe 5 times in the time you’ve known him and three of those times have been in this very room.

“Honey what’s wrong? Are you in pain? i can call the doctor-” 

“No i’m fine i’m fine i just-” he sniffs and tries to clear his throat from the sad, heavy pain he feels in his chest. “I’m gonna be real sad when I wake up from this dream. What if I can’t find you when I wake up?”

Oh your sweet, silly man.

“Bear it’s not a dream, I’ll be right here when you get up properly and we can go home and cuddle and I’ll heat up your favourite meal. I’ll be right there with you.”

“And the baby?” he asks, eyes wide. almost nervous to ask.

“Well they have to come too, they're with me. We can look at their pictures again so you can get reacquainted. And Aika will be so happy you’re back. We’ve been gone the whole day.”

“Aika!” your husband perks up, “Oh Aika, man....I love that dog..”

“I know you do bear, you just get some rest for now and then we can go home.”

Before you know it, he’s fallen back to sleep, his mouth wide open as he slumps against his pillow, completely out of it.

It’s dark outside when Sy opens his eyes again, watching as his Ma passes you a small herbal tea in the dimly lit hospital room. Technically visiting hours are over, but no one was going to argue with the Captain’s family. You smile, and he feels like he can finally relax, in your presence

“Well, aren’t you a sight for sore eyes” he growls lowly, and you look up at him from your phone, beaming in surprise, glad that your husband had woken up feeling a bit more like himself.

“Oh hello again” you smile and squeeze his hand, his slow blinking already indicating a much clearer mind, and that he knows exactly who you are.

“Again? What’d I miss?”

“The drugs” he stops you mid-sentence for a sweet kiss, acting as though a minute more without your lips would be the source of his downfall. “Mmmh, the drugs made you so loopy, it was the sweetest thing, Sy.” You grin as he pulls you up beside him on the bed.

He raises his eyebrows, clearly with no recollection of any of the past events. Yet still, he smiles.

“Yeah? How’s baby?” he holds you close to his side, wrapping an arm around your waist so he can cover your tummy with his palm.

“They’re great. Glad to have daddy back and sane.”

You swear that as you say that, he starts tearing up again, this time however he doesn’t let them fall. He was openly weeping earlier, but you won’t tell him that. Not yet.

“Damnit. Must be something in these drugs they got me on.”

“Mm-hmm sure bear.”

You stay close that evening, both curled up on a hospital bed that is already quite a tight fit for your husband alone. But as always, he makes it work. You’re half on top of him, both of you fast asleep, when the nurses come to do their rounds. Ma had left just after he had woken up, sneaking off into the night to let the rest of the family know how her most middle son is keeping after the operation. You’d cuddled and doted on each other until you’d fallen asleep, Sy following not long after as he bid goodnight to you and your precious cargo with a soft kiss to your lips, and protective rub of your stomach.

He counts himself more than lucky to have something so good, that it would pain him to forget. He was living the life that he’d been too scared to ever dream of, and he couldn’t be more grateful.

taglist: @ohmygoodie​ @michelehansel​ @la-cey​ @palaiasaurus64​ @sassy-pelican​ @brandycranby​

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[malum-forev]

Try Anything Once

BuckyBarnes x Reader

Bucky finds himself at the worse place, the doctor’s office. But maybe it isn’t as bad as he thought.

Word Count: 2.6k

There were many things that brought James Buchanan Barnes rage, but at the top of his list was his mechanical arm. It was bad enough that it was a constant reminder of who he was, who he was created to be, but now due to a technical failure, it was even more of an inconvenience.

“I already told you that it’s fine.” He muttered at Sam, trying to open and close his palm, with no avail.

“Yeah, and if I were blind, I would believe that. You need to get that thing fixed. Maybe it just needs some motor oil.” He said followed by a loud laugh, only making Bucky’s eyes roll. “I already reported it to the medical department, anyways.”

“What are doctors going to tell me about this thing, it’s not flesh. They don’t know anything about it.”

“Well, I mean, we do have the best doctors in the world. I think they know something about that contraption.” Sam replied, standing up from his position and traveling to the front of the airplane to see how long it would take them to get back to the compound.

Bucky closed his eyes, trying to calm the bubbling anger that was filling him up, almost to the point of explosion. It was supposed to be the best, why would it be giving him trouble. Subsiding his anger, he thought that maybe he would have to go to Wakanda to get it fixed. Maybe he would even have to stay there for some time, he could only dream of that. In the past 80 years, that was the only time he felt something close to peace. Forcing his eyes to open, he realized that the plane was descending. Looking out the window, he saw what he dreaded the most. A team of people in white bathrobes.

“Doctors.” Bucky huffed in annoyance.

As he made his way through the white corridors with fluorescent lighting, he could hear at least three pairs of feet shuffling behind him. He could almost sense they were too nervous to ask him any questions. He stopped at the end of the hallway and waited for three seconds before turning around to face them.

“Well? Are you going to open this stupid door, or do I have to break it to get this thing fixed?” He yelled, not feeling anything as he saw the three young doctors shake and vigorously nod their heads. The tallest one, she couldn’t be a day older than 25, quickly entered the access code and opened the door. Revealing a large waiting room with one assistant behind a desk. He heard the elevator music first, after that came a whiff of something. Some kind of flower Bucky couldn’t recognize.

“I have an appointment.” Was the only thing he said as the assistant moved his eyes away from the computer and saw the former Winter Soldier. He was different, he wasn’t scared of Bucky.

“Name and date of birth please.” He asked kindly as he faced back to the computer.

“This must be a joke.” Bucky said, as he watched the assistant’s motionless expression, he realized it wasn’t. “James Buchanan Barnes, March 10th, 1917.”

“Thank you, Dr. (y/l/n) will be with you shortly. Would you like anything to drink while you wait?” He smiled again, only enraging Bucky even more. He decided no answer was needed. After about two minutes, he saw the door swing open and a field agent came out first.

“Thank you so much Doc.” She smiled, Bucky had seen her before if he remembers well, she even introduced herself. But like always, he never remembered anyone’s name. She smiled as she passed him, and he just nodded back. After the agent, a woman in that dreaded white bathrobe came out. Average build, fragile looking, late twenties, it would take me less than two seconds to knock her off the ground. Bucky thought, immediately erasing the thought from his mind, something his therapist had taught him to do.

“Mr. Barnes, please come inside.” She said, her voice was extremely peaceful and calm. Everything about her seemed that way. It was as if one of those singing birds from Snow White had come out of the storybook and became a human. Bucky followed her into her office and sat down, looking at the pendulum sitting on top of her neatly organized desk. Swinging back and forth infinitely. “You’re here because your arm is giving you trouble?”

“The metal one.” Was the only thing he said, she just nodded and motioned him to sit on the exam table, “I’m not laying on that. I’m not five.”

“You’re obviously not five, you were born in 1917.” She quickly replied. “If anything, I should have you sitting on a wheelchair, or one of those reclining chairs they have elderly people in. I need you to lay down here to check your prosthetic. I also need you to remove your jacket, and anything that would obstruct me from performing my analysis.”

With a quick glare, he followed her instructions. He took his jacket off and without thinking twice, ripped the sleeve from his t-shirt.

Laughing a bit, the doctor started contorting his arm in different directions. “You superheroes really have a passion for all things dramatic. You could have taken off your shirt.”

“This was easier.”

“Not much of a talker, are you?” she said before pressing on a disk near the arm’s wrist. Gaining a hiss from the former assassin.

“Could you just stop.” He said in an annoyed tone. “I’m just here because your people were waiting for me once I got off the damn plane. Now stop messing with it before you break my arm.”

With one swoop motion, he was back on his feet. “This is made from an incredible rare material. Something that they probably didn’t even know existed at whatever school you got your degree from. Which one was it?” Bucky said, getting more and more angry as he saw the doctor didn’t even flinch at what he was saying. He started looking around the walls to see where she had that paper framed. The one every doctor likes to display, as if it was some sort of badge.

“I don’t have a medical degree. You can say this comes,” Dr. (y/l/n) took a pause. “Naturally to me.”

Bucky let out a small laugh. “I’m fine. And even if I wasn’t, I’m not going to have some random person who couldn’t even finish med school looking at my arm. It’s probably more expensive than everything you own.

Dr. (y/l/n)’s expression didn’t change, the small smile still on her mouth. “Pepper’s team warned me about you, Mr. Barnes. They said you were, difficult.”

“Difficult.” Bucky scoffed as he leaned on the medical table, he watched the doctor move back behind her desk. Typing something on her computer, the printer slowly coming to life, sending out a small piece of paper.

“Well, they actually said you were a huge pain. Difficult is just the word I choose to use.” She adjusted her glasses and read what was on the paper, taking out a pen and signing it.

“It really shows that after Steve left, this place started hiring just about anybody. Their whole system is going to fall apart if they keep uncredited people here.” Bucky spat out, aggravated at the mere thought that Sam would have sent you here with her.

“You’re not completely wrong with that statement. But I don’t think it was after Steve, it was before that. At one point they even recruited brain washed assassins.” The doctor replied with a grin on her face, only making Bucky’s blood boil even more. “Try this, it will help with regaining mobility.”

Bucky ripped the paper out of the doctor’s hand, crumpling it up and shoving it in his back pocket. Turning around to leave the office.

“Oh and Mr. Barnes, you have to come back to finish the assessment before you can go back into the field. Those are the orders stated by Mr. Wilson.” Again, that smug smile adorning her face. Does she always have something to say? Bucky thought as he stormed out of the medical building, heading straight to Sam’s room. He was going to hear what Bucky had to say about that know-nothing fake doctor.

Bucky heard Sam’s laugh before he actually saw him, as the automatic doors opened, he saw that the laughter was directed towards him.

“I’m guessing by your angrier than usual glare, you saw (y/n).” Sam said with a gigantic smile.

“Was that some sort of prank? You hired a fake doctor only for me to go and waste my time?” Bucky asked as he strode past him walking straight into the kitchen.

“What did you have planned for the rest of the day? Sitting on the corner of your bed at three pm, standing in a corner at four and do your hair at five? I know you do your hair, it’s impossible for it to always be perfectly imperfect.” Sam said shooting Bucky a questioning gaze, but he just rolled his eyes and grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge. “And what are you talking about fake doctor? Please tell me you let her do her job, if not I can’t let you come on the mission tomorrow.”

“Of course I didn’t, tomorrow I’m going to see an actual doctor to get a stupid note that says I’m fine! Even though I’m telling you right now that I’M FINE.” He yelled as he smashed down the bottle, making it as flat as a piece of paper.

It was at this specific moment that F.R.I.D.A.Y. said: “Bucky Barnes, you have an appointment with your therapist tomorrow at 11:30 am. If you were to miss this appointment, you will be sanctioned and will not be able to assist on missions.”

This obviously sent Sam on a fit of laughter. “That message couldn’t have come at a better time. Anyways, you need to get your appointments aligned. I suggest you go to the Doc’s office tomorrow morning to see if she has anything available.”

“Just send me the actual doctor’s office and I’ll be there tomorrow morning.” He said through gritted teeth.

“Bucky, I don’t know who got it into your head but, (y/n) is an actual doctor. That why she’s Dr. (y/l/n) and not just (y/n).”

“She was the one who told me she’s not credited. She doesn’t even have a medical degree, let alone know anything about vibranium!” Bucky said throwing his hands up in the air.

“You don’t have a degree but that doesn’t mean you’re not capable of being an ass. And an annoying one too!” Sam said, getting frustrated with the conversation. “Look, Dr. (y/n) has been here for a long time, she knows what she’s doing. Maybe you don’t know anything about her because you were frozen for half of your life and the other half you spent being a cyborg assassin. Also, she was one of the first people to handle vibranium when it was found in Wakanda, so I think she knows something about that. She even spent some time in a hut over there, just like you! You have more things in common than you think. So, tomorrow you’re gonna get her some coffee, go to her office, apologize for being, well, you; and get that arm fixed. In the meantime, you can look up some things about her. You do remember how to google things right?”

“Of course I remember. Could you just help me get on the net?” Bucky said while holding out his phone, it was now Sam’s turn to roll his eyes.

--------

The next morning, Bucky reluctantly made his way back to the medical building. The two disposable coffee cups were almost knocked out of his hands when the doors swung open.

“Back already Mr. Barnes?” he heard Dr. (y/l/n) say, it surprised him that she would talk so casually with him, given that yesterday he was, difficult. “Should I put down extra thirsty as a side effect on your chart?” She asked pointing to both of the cups.

“Actually Doctor, one of them is for you. I didn’t know what you drank so one is a black coffee and the other one has a splash of milk and sugar. Sam told me you would accept coffee as an apology, some sort of olive branch.” Bucky said, shoving both of the cups near her for her to choose.

“You can take me to get coffee instead. Judging by the stale smell, this is day old coffee. Plus, I don’t think you have tried oat milk lattes.” She smiled as she guided him to the restaurant inside the compound.

“Oat milk wasn’t a thing in the 40’s.” Was all that Bucky replied. “I wanted to formally apologize. It’s something new to me, my therapist says I should externalize my feelings more. I did not know your past; you know with the whole regenerative thing.”

This was the first time he saw her not smile. She looked away for a moment and asked “Did you try what I told you. It’s a type of oil that seeps into the smallest indentations in vibranium, creating a protective layer. With that, and some rehabilitation exercises, you will feel as good as new.”

Bucky just shook his head, not wanting to talk about his less than normal extremity. He opened his mouth to ask her, but she interrupted. “I know what you’re going to ask me. I may not be able to read minds but this profession has taught me many things, one of them being how to read people’s expressions.”

“Can you still do it?” He pressed on, if what he had read was true, then she was probably one of the only people that could understand what he was feeling.

“Yes, of course I can. As a supersoldier I would think you understood. It’s not something that you can just turn off, it’s here forever.” She said pointing to her whole body. “I didn’t want this; I didn’t ask to be able to regenerate. I was just at the wrong place at the wrong time and with the wrong people.”

“I researched you last night.” Bucky admitted shooting her a shy smile.

“Didn’t think you were tech-savvy.” She said, taking a sip of her coffee. “That was a long time ago, she’s long gone. I thought what I was doing was the right thing. And he, he convinced me that it was. But alas, I was only some sort of protection. Receiving the bullets that would wound him and healing the cuts that would kill him. But after I realized all the damage, we were actually doing I, I found this place. And from there on I decided I was going to heal other people. Even if they couldn’t regenerate.”

“I can relate.” Bucky said, slouching back on the bench they were sitting on, a weird feeling appearing inside of him. Something that he wasn’t used to, relaxation and peace. “I appreciate you not flipping out yesterday, I was out of line.”

“I’ve dealt with worse people here.” She laughed. “I looked at your videos fighting. You need to take better care of that arm of yours.”

“I didn’t know you were keeping tabs on me Doc, had I known I would have smiled at the camera.” Bucky said shooting her a smile, it was the first time she had seen him actually do that.

“It’s my job to check my patient’s whole file.” She explained but couldn’t resist to smile back. “And you can call me (y/n) by the way.”

“In that case, call me Bucky.”

[sinner-as-saint]

Unleashed.

Doctor!Bucky x Reader AU

Requested (like a year ago)

Run-through: Your doctor just can’t seem to get enough of you, nor you him. And one night, all the passion and tension can no longer be contained…

Themes: smut, dirty talk, fluff, doctor!bucky

James Barnes was the kind of doctor who made you all weak in your knees, turned you into a stuttering mess the moment you first stepped into his examination room.

Your mom, after she made your appointment, forgot to mention that the gynecologist who would be seeing you was a tall, broad, blue-eyed, absolutely fine, gorgeous and dreamy man. Long, dark brown hair tied in a low, slightly messy bun. Perfect facial hair, and a strong built. Even with his lab coat on, you could tell he was absolutely ripped and muscular underneath it.

The first time you entered his office, he flashed you a smile which stole your heart right there. And the minute he ushered you over to his examination chair, you almost wished the ground would somehow spilt and swallow you whole because you realized that this fine specimen was going to see all of you. And you’d have to keep a straight face on and behave.

But by the next few visits for you regular check-ups, you had grown comfortable around the man. And each time, you tried your hardest to ignore the tingly feeling you got whenever you felt his hands on your thighs, or whenever he looked you in the eye while talking, or how he always placed a hand on the small of your back as he ushered you out of his office.

Each time you sat on his examination chair, legs spread apart; exposed. You immediately felt the burning hot, buzzing tension between you two. And you tried hard to convince yourself that it wasn’t real, that it was all in your head but you couldn’t.

It got to a point where you found yourself thinking of him when you touched yourself at night. James Barnes was always there, in your head. Living in your thoughts like it was nothing.

You were shamelessly crushing on the handsome doctor, needless to say. He was playful. And you began noticing the subtle ways he would flirt with you each time. But he never crossed the line.

But then one day your paths crossed somewhere you least expected… at a club. And that night, everything changed.

 “Hello Y/N.” he greeted, with a semi smirk. Leaning by the bar, dressed in a dark shirt and dark pants and his hair down; he looked irresistible.

“Hello doc.” You tried to hide the fact that your face was burning hot at the sight of him so… relaxed and beautiful. No lab coats, his hair not held back by a hair tie – right now he was just a devilishly handsome man at a club who was receiving all the attention by most ladies. A devilishly handsome man who also knew what your vagina looked like. Speaking of which, you had an appointment with him tomorrow… well shit.

Bucky inched closer to you, “You seem a little flustered.” He whispered in your ear. And you shivered at the sound of his voice. Fuck…

You giggled nervously. “Just, not used to seeing you like this.” He cocked his head to the side at your reply.

“Like how?”

So fucking fuckable. Your face felt all hot again, and you looked down at your shoes instead. “You know, I should go. You’re probably here with someone and I-,”

He cut you off, flashing you another smile which made your heart race. “No please, stay.” And that was all it took for you to stay by his side for the next hour or so, talking but mostly flirting, before he leaned in again and whispered in your ear, confidently. “Let’s get out of here. Somewhere a little more private?”

You nodded quickly, ditching your glass of red wine, took his hand and followed him out of the club.

-

You ended up at his luxurious apartment. None of its lushness and flamboyance, of course, even came close to that of its owner. James Barnes was one of a kind; gentlemanly, but also the right amount of flirty.

“Can I get you something?” Bucky asked as he rolled his sleeve up till his elbow, mindlessly.

Fuck…

You eyed him up and down and you could no longer hold back anymore. “Doc…” the sudden desperation in your voice made him look up at once. And he smirked once he caught your gaze.

“Yes?”

“Please just… fuck me.” You spoke, boldly.

He chuckled, and slowly approached the coffee table, by which you stood. Bucky reached out and gently touched your face, his thumb softly tracing the shape of your mouth, smudging your lipstick just a little. He smirked again upon seeing your messed up lipstick. He definitely planned on messing all of you up later, oh he wanted to do bad things to you since the day he first saw you…

And all those times you just laid there in front him. Exposed. Open. Although deeply unethical, he wanted nothing more than to just touch you. Pleasure you. Taste you and be inside of you. He noticed how you always got all flustered under his stare, many women did to be honest. But he had never wanted any of them like he wanted you. He still remembers the first time he saw you on his examination chair, and his brazen thought at the time… such a pretty little cunt… the prettiest he had ever seen.

He often thought of you when you were long gone. How well you listened to each and every instruction of his. How obedient you seemed. How fucking perfect.

Yet each time, he felt like he was chained. Held back. Unable to reach out to you because the relationship between the two of you was supposed to be strictly professional, and there was nothing he could do about it.

But here you were now, right in front of him. Asking him to fuck you. He wanted you bad as well, but just like he waited, he wanted to be a tease and keep you waiting as well.

“Patience, sweetheart.” he spoke, looking down at your lips before looking into your eyes again and you almost moaned at the look he was giving you. Your body was burning hot under his stare.

And the fire in you didn’t simmer down at all, definitely not when Bucky pulled you onto his lap and kissed you senselessly, deeply, passionately for God knows how long, but you could feel your underwear getting completely soaked.

His hands grabbed you at your butt, firmly and occasionally rolling your hips against his crotch. You could feel him; big and hard.

You whined when his mouth left yours only to kiss down your neck, nibbling on your skin and leaving dark red marks behind. You moved your hips against him, grinding on him out of desperation, and he chuckled against your skin. “So eager, aren’t you doll?” he whispered and peppered your neck with soft kisses.

“You’re so mean…” you whimpered and slid your fingers through his hair and tugging on it.

He pulled away to look at you. “Am I now?” he faced you with lust and playfulness in his eyes. “What about all those times you tortured me at work?” he gently grabbed your chin and pulled your face closer. “Showing up all dolled up…,” he kissed the side of your mouth and you felt your heart flutter, “Acting so innocent and shy when spreading those sexy legs for me…,”

Your giggle cut him off. And he pulled away again to look at you with raised eyebrows, smirking a little. You immediately felt all hot and bothered by his stare. “Sorry,” you apologized and looked down at how comfortably you sat on his lap. “I thought you looked at vaginas all day. How did I stand out from the crowd?” the brat in you spoke.

Bucky tried to hold it in, but he ended up laughing anyway, his body shaking and his laughter filling the room. You lowered your head again. He calmed down a few seconds later, and he cupping your face softly. “You caught my eye the minute you walked into my life, angel.” He answered. “But since then, each time I saw you was pure torture. You were always so… unreachable.”

You leaned into his touch. “Well I’m here now.” you leaned closer, gently caressing the back of his neck. “You can whatever you want.” You felt his body tense under you, and you smirked.

“Careful what you wish for, doll.” he warned, teasing you.

You couldn’t take it anymore. “James, if you don’t fuck me right now, I’m leaving and I-,”

He cut you off with a rough kiss, biting your lip before shoving his tongue past your lips and kissing you like he’s famished and you’re the only thing which can satiate his hunger – which was true.

“You’re not fucking leaving!” He growled against your lips, his voice fueling the fire inside you. “Not when I finally have you all to myself.”

 Next thing you knew, Bucky was pushing down onto his large, comfy bed. The cool satin sheets felt wonderful under your burning hot body. He was on top of you in less than a second, kissing you like his life depended on it.

You wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling him closer. You moaned and whimpered, body squirming under his. You needed him, bad.

Bucky’s mouth left your lips as he kissed his way down your body, undressing you in the process. Your little black dress, and your underwear found themselves on his bedroom floor as he settled himself in between your legs. His handsome face just inches away from your dripping core.

You had seen Bucky in between your legs before, but not like this. Back in his examination room, he always looked so calm and composed, and gentle. Right now, he was hungry, and wild – a man who wanted to do bad things to you, and you were more than happy to let him do whatever he wanted.

You felt his warm breath against your body as he spoke, lips brushing against your inner thigh, “Look at this pretty little cunt,” he kissed your skin so softly and it made your whole body tingle, “So fucking wet, and all mine.” he growled before he leaned in and kissed your wet folds, his tongue slowly circling around your throbbing clit and licking down, parting your wet folds with ease.

He poked at your entrance with his tongue and your body felt hotter than earlier. A pressing need to release formed deep inside you as you felt his tongue stroked your most sensitive parts. “So fucking sweet too…” Bucky chuckled as he looked up at you and found you with your eyes shut, head thrown back in pleasure. “Look at me.” He ordered and the authority in his voice made you tremble.

You opened your eyes and supported your upper body up with your elbows digging into the mattress and you took in the sight of him in between your legs. His strong arms wrapped around your thighs, keeping your in place and close to him.

He maintained eye contact as he licked in between your wet folds again, making you whine as he teased you. His touch was deliberately slow, pleasurably agonizing. “Please…” you cried out, whimpering and begging him to take you already. You could no longer deal with his teasing.

Bucky smirked. “I’ve fantasized about this moment for a while now, doll.” he kissed your thighs, purposely avoiding to touch where he knew you needed him the most. “I’m not gonna rush, I’m gonna savor you…” he kissed down all the way to your core, and gently bit your skin. You hissed in pleasure. “I’m gonna eat this wet, greedy cunt until your taste is embedded in my brain. And you will not once complain, you hear me?”

You nodded frantically, his words turning you on more than you expected them to. You could feel your arousal trickling out of you, one drop at a time. But Bucky didn’t let none of it go to waste, he leaned in and latched his mouth onto your core, sucking and licking and teasing you. Your arousal coated the lower half of his face, but he didn’t mind it one bit.

His sole purpose was to take his time, and taste you and make you come undone all over his tongue. You whined and whimpered under him; with your legs wrapped around his head.

“You taste better than I expected, baby…” he mumbled, closing his eyes, shamelessly humming and moaning at how you tasted on his tongue. Your taste drove him wild, so did your soft whimpers. “So fucking sweet.” he purred.

Your hand flew to his hair and you tugged on it gently as he flicked his tongue over your clit over and over again. His beard rubbed against your sensitive skin, and the friction burned a little but it was the kind of pain you kept wanting more of. You wanted more of him. But he was making you wait…

His stormy blue eyes watched how you lost control under his touch; legs shaking as he teased your entrance with the tip of his tongue. His hands wrapped around your thighs, securing you in his grip as he pushed his face further into you; making you cry out loud.

Bucky made you cum once. Twice. Then it got so frequent that your orgasms just overlapped effortlessly; making you gasp for air as your body writhed under him.

You whined wantonly, “Please…” you begged, and tried scooting away from him. But his grip around your thigh tightened and he kept you in place. “I already came, please…” part of you didn’t want him to stop. Ever. But you were so damn sensitive that even just his hot breath fanning your wet folds was making you moan out loud.

He had been eating you out for so long, you wondered how the hell his neck wasn’t sore and aching yet.

He glared at you from in between your legs. “I said no complaining.” He spoke sternly, smacked your thigh gently and kissed his way up to your mouth again. He kissed your lips once he hovered over you, rough and deep, and you tasted yourself on his tongue. “I’m not done with your sweet cunt yet, so keep quiet for me doll.” he whispered against your swollen lips. “I make the rules here, remember?”

You looked up at him and nodded, panting and shaking under his gaze.

Bucky kissed his way down your body again. And his mouth latched onto your core again. You whined and squirmed, tugging in his hair and that only made him want to eat you out for longer.

You lost track of time, but many orgasms later, Bucky kissed his way up your body again. He gave you a brief kiss on the lips then lifted off you for just a moment to get rid of his clothes. Once done, he was hovering over your naked body again. Frankly, he loved the sight of you; naked, hot and squirming against the dark sheets of his bed. He wanted to keep you there forever.

He gave you loud kisses on the cheek, making you giggle and wrap your arms around him. He pulled away after a while to look into your eyes. Then leaned in to kiss you on the nose. “Just so we’re clear, who makes the rules here, babygirl?” he asked.

Something in you pushed you to be a bit of a brat just to get a reaction out of him. You were curious to see what would happen if you pushed his buttons. “I don’t know, was it me?” you teased.

He smirked, reading your face. Part of him loved this side of you, the other part of him wanted to tame the brat in you right this instant. Bucky leaned in closer to you, his hand reaching up to hold your jaw carefully, firmly. He lifted his hand just an inch or two from your face gave you a gentle smack on your cheek. You groaned, bit your lip and smiled up at him, clearly he had taken over all of you. You’d take anything he’d give you.

“Don’t be a brat, doll. Who makes the rules here?”

You looked up at him in, completely under his spell. “You do.” He smiled and kissed you right in between your brows.

“Good girl.”  

Bucky’s body settled in between your legs comfortably again, and he leaned in to kiss you. Your lips were all swollen and tingly, but still you smiled through the kiss as he pulled you even closer. The need for one another was prominent between you two, quite literally – his thick and hard cock rested against your thighs.

Bucky touched you wherever he could; letting his hands linger at your breasts and taking his sweet time; caressing and kissing your skin. His hands slipped in between your legs with ease; caressing your inner thighs as he went. You moaned into the kiss; his touch was slow, and gentle and enticing but also fiery.

His knuckles gently stroked your wet folds; making you shiver at his touch. He ran his fingers up and down your folds, gathering and smearing your arousal around. He stared into your eyes, his face still dangerously close to yours. “You okay, doll?” he asked. His voice strained and deep, gravelly with lust.

You craved more. So you nodded a little too quickly. He smiled and leaned in again, kissing you and toying with your clit at the same time. You whimpered and squirmed under him, and he smirked through the kiss. He had wanted you since the day he first saw you. Since that day, he wanted nothing more than to just have you under him. To toy and play with your body as he pleased. And now that you were here, and he wasn’t planning on letting you go just yet.

Bucky pulled away from your lips, and pressed his forehead onto yours gently, while he pushed his erected cock past your tight entrance, pulling your legs up to wrap them around his waist. You moaned out loud as he pushed into you. He grunted once he filled you up entirely, and he gave you a couple of seconds to adjust. He grabbed both your hands, laced your fingers together with his and pinned your interlaced hands down on the bed, above your head.

He had always wondered how he would feel inside you. How wet you’d be, how warm and how tight and snug you’d feel… but he concluded that you felt better than he ever imagined.

You were so full of his thick cock that even you couldn’t even form a proper thought. His lips found yours again, trying to get you to stay quiet while he rolled his hips against yours. He pulled out and pushed himself back into you, and watched in awe how you struggled to keep quiet. He lowered his face again, and leaned into your ear.

“You feel so good, babygirl…” he whispered, groaning by the end and let go of your hands to hold your body. He gripped your waist and pushed deeper into you. You heard him gasp and swear under his breath as he rocked into you. Your nails sank into his damp skin, around his shoulders; which you held onto for dear life as he pounded into you.

You moaned out loud; wantonly, as he pushed deeper and deeper into you each time. You tried matching his thrusts but were unable to; so you simply let him take control. His scent, his moans; Bucky took over you in less than a minute.

He kissed you, bit your lips, kissed your open mouth, and shoved his tongue past your lips while he rammed into you; and you never once complained. Given his size, he stretched you out completely. And it did hurt, but the pleasure compensated for the pain. Your legs trembled around his waist, he thrust deeper into you, and in the daze he was in, he mumbled right in your ear about how good you felt.

“Fuck…” his voice cracked and his sentenced ended with a loud moan. The sound of his moans and grunts sent tingles dancing down your spine. Your back arched off the bed as you felt a familiar warmth washing over you. Bucky growled and bit down on your shoulder to keep himself from making any loud noises while he fucked you. He was relentless. And you loved it.

Right when your moans got louder and your walls started clenching around him; signaling you were right on the edge and just about to come undone; he removed himself from you and flipped you onto your stomach and pulled you onto your knees by your hips. His hand gripped your hair and tugged on it, harsher than earlier and his action elicited an involuntary moan out of you.

You whimpered; wanting him to completely ruin you. He kissed the back of your neck, “You’re so good to me, doll,” he mumbled against your skin and pushed your face down against the pillows, making your ass stick out for him. “But I’m not quite done with you yet.”

He gripped each side of your hips, tightly. He pushed his cock into you without a word said; earning a sinful moan out of you. He groaned and grunted as he filled you up entirely; your butt cheeks pressing into his pelvic bone as he pounded into you.

You moaned out loud at the new sensation of him rocking into you from behind. Bucky’s hand found its way to your front and he pressed the palm of his hand against your lower abdomen. He liked the rush of excitement which coursed through him each time he felt his cock deep within you.

His hand travelled all the way to your throat and he very gently squeezed the side of your throat. But hard enough to make you lose your mind. You could only moan and whimper in response while he kept pounding into you incessantly.

No man had ever made you feel the way he did. So wanted. So desired. So full and so wild. “Fuck…” you heard a barely audible moan leave his lips as he rammed his cock in and out of you incessantly.

“So good to me, so fucking good…” Bucky mumbled in a daze, and you barely heard him as the only thing you focused on was the sounds your bodies made when in contact with one another; along with your whimpers and his incoherent words while he fucked you like there’s no tomorrow.

You felt him quicken his pace. You tightened around him, and he groaned, pounding into you; growling and mumbling swear words under his breath. You felt the pressure in between your hips grow until you couldn’t hold back anymore, so you came undone with a loud moan.

His other hand reached around and toyed with your folds; his fingers furiously rubbed the skin around your clit and making you tremble and whimper again. You moaned, craving more and more of him.

With a few more strokes of his thick cock, you felt his thrust becoming irregular, and felt his cock throb against your walls. You tightened around him, feeling the burning hot need to cum grow hotter and hotter inside you until it exploded. You came with a loud moan, gushing all around him. Bucky came right after you; buried deep within you – growling and mumbling swear words under his breath. His warm cum shoot at your walls and trickled out of you when he carefully removed his length from your entrance. You were a whimpering, panting mess. And so was he.

He threw himself next to you in his bed. You were shaking just a little as he tucked your head under his chin and ran his soothing hand down your back; while kissing the side of your head. “Get some sleep, babygirl.” He whispered and just held you in his arms, while you came down from your high.

You were hazy and worn-out already, so all you remember is snuggling up to him and falling asleep with your head on his chest. The last thought in your head was about how warm his body was, and how perfect it felt sleeping next to him.

 --

You woke up hours later, soft sunlight against your skin, feeling warm puffs of air fanning your neck. You opened your eyes and blinked a couple of times, trying to reorient yourself as best you could. You realized that you were naked, and tucked under the comfiest blankets you had ever felt, and pressed up against a warm body which spooned you from behind.

Bucky… you smiled at the thought of him. You lifted the covers and looked down to see your legs tangled with his, his arms circling your waist and holding you close to him. You smiled a little bigger, then tried to lift his arm so you could get out of his grip, even though you didn’t want to leave his bed right away.

The moment you lifted his arm inches off your skin, you heard him groan loudly right in your ear. “Don’t go. You’re so warm.” He mumbled before nuzzling your neck again. You giggled when you felt his soft lips against your skin. You turned around in his arms and faced him with a soft smile.

Bucky opened one eye to look at you briefly, then shut it again, mirroring the smile you had on. “Judging by the look on your face,” he pulled you further into him, chest pressing against his, “I’d say I did really well last night, huh?”

You giggled and admired his handsome face. “I’m sore. And I can almost still feel you, deep inside me.” You whispered and he immediately opened both his eyes and looked down at you. He looked adorable and smoking hot at the same time.

“Yeah? Keep looking at me like that and you sure won’t be able to walk all day today.”

You raised an eyebrow. “Then how am I gonna get to my appointment with the handsome doctor on time?” you watched how he blushed a little. “I can’t be late you know. He likes it when people are punctual.”

“Hmm,” he played along, “Well I could drive you. Or maybe you could like, not go? Ditch the doctor, stay with me.” He teased.

You shook your head, and then leaned in to kiss your way up his neck. “Can’t do that.” you kissed the side of his throat up till his ear. “He has me by my heart already, gotta go see him.” you kissed along his jaw. “Besides, I like him, and I like the way he looks at me.”

Bucky sighed in pleasure as you nibbled along his jaw, his grip around your waist tightening as he laid you on your back and hovered above you again. “How?” he asked.

You bit your lip as you looked up at him, staring into his stormy blue eyes. “Like a hungry animal. Feral. Wild. Like he’d absolutely ruin me once unleashed.”

Bucky smirked, inevitably feeling cocky after what you just said. He leaned down to kiss you, his tongue invaded your mouth like he owned it, stroking the top of your mouth and making you moan and hot and bothered just from his kiss. You could feel yourself getting wetter with each passing second. Again.

“Seems you unleashed the animal after all, babygirl.” He kissed his way down your body again, just like he did last night. Bucky settled in between your legs again, his mouth just an inch or two away from where you needed him the most. “Now don’t you move, I’m still not done with you yet.” He chuckled before separating your folds apart using his fingers, and pressed a soft kiss right on your clit. You whined, your body still sensitive and sore from hours ago.

Bucky looked up at you, and smirked. “Just can’t seem to get enough of your pretty, wet little cunt.” he whispered before latching his mouth onto your core once again…

[ladyfogg]

Heal My Wounds - Part 1

Heal My Wounds - Part 1 of 3

Fic Summary:  After you meet the infamous Kit Walker, you realize that he cannot possibly be guilty of everything they say he is. Determined to treat him with kindness and compassion, you end up falling hard for the handsome man with gorgeous dark eyes. But you both are playing a dangerous game and you must decide just how far you’re willing to go to save the man you love. Part 2. AHS Masterlist. 

Fic Rating: 18+

Fic Song: War by Poets of the Fall

Pairing: Kit Walker/Female Reader

Warnings: Language, Smut, Slow Burn, tw: mental illness, tw: asylum setting, tw: violence

A/N: I ended up finishing this a lot quicker than I thought I was going to. Enjoy! For @tatestripedsweater​ and @kitwalker02​. 

You’ve seen many things during your time at Briarcliff. Being a nurse, you deal with truly awful alignments, either self-inflicted or acquired under “mysterious” circumstances. This usually means that a guard roughed the patient up or Dr. Arden can’t be bothered to treat them himself. You learn to expect the worst, not in the patient but in what they are afflicted with. In truth, your heart goes out to every one of them. Regardless of what sent them to Briarcliff, it is always your mission to treat them with the respect and dignity they deserve. 

Which is why, when you hear that the infamous Bloody Face, aka Kit Walker, has been transferred to the asylum, you try not to be concerned. You knew all about Bloody Face and what he’s done and when they arrested Kit, you aren’t ashamed to admit that your first thought was, “Good riddance!” However, you force yourself to change your tune once you learn you’ll be treating him at some point. Plenty of dangerous people had come and gone through Briarcliff’s doors. You aren’t going to treat him any differently than you would the other patients.

No matter how dangerous he is. 

It isn’t long before you find yourself face-to-face with him. He is there less than a day before he’s brought in to see you, his lip and his nose a bloody mess, the red a stark contrast to his pale skin. His appearance surprises you even though it shouldn’t. You read the papers; you’ve seen his face. Yet, in person, he’s so handsome it takes your breath away and you need a moment to compose yourself.

“What happened?” you ask Kit as the guard forces him to sit on the bed. He is bound with cuffs and chains, an overkill if you ever saw one. 

“He got into a scrape with another inmate,” the guard says in a gruff voice. “Bloody Face here got the worst of it.”

“They’re called patients, not inmates,” you correct him with a glare. “And I wasn’t asking you, I was asking Mr. Walker. That is his name, that's what he will be called while he’s under my care.”

The guard, whose name you think is Hardy, looks taken aback by your words. He is a new one who hasn’t had to deal with you yet. While many of the female staff are nuns, you are not. You are there purely for medical purposes, not religious ones. Therefore, you have no reason to force politeness to the guards. After all, why should you? They never show you any. The sooner Hardy learns you will not tolerate his bullshit, the better. 

You have been talked to by Sister Jude several times regarding your attitude but since you are appointed by the state, there is nothing more she can do. Eventually, the both of you came to a mutual understanding. In fact, you suspect she admires your non-nonsense attitude as it most often gets results. If there is a patient in your infirmary, you can call the shots. Of course, the male guards don’t like that, but they can get fucked. 

When you turn back at Kit, he has a surprised look on his face. 

“Are you hurt anywhere else?” you ask. 

“Just my face,” he answers. “And my hands.”

You glance down and see his bruises and bloody knuckles. Clearly, he defended himself but given the fact that the other patient hasn’t been brought it, you assume Kit got the worst of it. You go about collecting what you need to disinfect his wounds. 

To Hardy, you say, “Remove his chains.”

“No can do. Not for this one.”

“His knuckles are bleeding, and I need to examine his hands to make sure nothing is broken or fractured. Remove his chains.”

There is an intense stare-off between you and the guard before he relents and unbinds Kit. Once his restraints are gone, you wave Hardy off. “You may step outside.”

“Now hold on a minute! This man—”

“Has rights. He deserves the same privacy as every other patient. Besides, I won’t have you getting in my way while I patch him up. You can step outside and wait. I’m more than capable of handling myself.”

Hardy snorts, annoyed and done with arguing. “Fine by me. Don’t complain if you get killed.”

“I won’t, considering if that happens, I won’t be able to. Or are you not aware how death works?”

With a sneer, he stalks away, and you heard him mutter, “Stupid bitch.” under his breath.

“Smart bitch actually,” you call after him. “And shut the door on your way out, please.” It slams behind him and you return your attention to your patient. 

Kit looks at you with awe. “Forgive me for saying so, doc. But you’re one tough broad.”

You laugh, pulling a chair over so you can sit in front of Kit. “I’m not a doctor, I’m a nurse. And you have to be though, especially in this place. The gentle don’t last long. Now, let’s take a look at those hands.”

Kit extends his hands, and you take them in your own, examining his wounded knuckles. After moving each finger and his wrists, you determine there was nothing broken or fractured so you set about cleaning the scrapes. Kit watches you the entire time. Even though you don’t look up from your work, you can feel his eyes on you. 

“I think you’re the only person in this place who’s not afraid of me,” he says after a stretch of silence. “This is the first time I’ve been treated like a person since this whole thing started.”

“Should I be afraid of you, Mr. Walker?” you glance up and are immediately taken in by the soft expression on his face. 

“Call me Kit,” he says. “And I never hurt anybody. All the things they say I did are lies. I have no idea what happened to those girls and I have no idea what happened to Alma other than they took her.”

You consider his words for a moment and pull away, letting his hands fall to his lap. The bloody towel you hold is tossed onto your tray of supplies before you sit back and cross your arms. “Alright then, Kit. Tell me why I should believe you.”

Kit doesn’t seem to know what to say at first. You’ve dealt with numerous patients who swear up and down they didn’t do what they were accused of. Most of them had. Because of that, you are pretty damn good at reading people because even the best liar has a tell. An eye twitch, a knee bounce, a lip bite…anything. You trained yourself to look for these things because, in your line of work, it means the difference between life or death. 

The man in front of you doesn’t look like he’s hiding anything. More to the point, you don’t feel scared of him. You aren’t made of stone; you feel fear just like everyone else. You are simply better at masking it. However, that violent vibe you’ve learned to sense doesn’t radiate from Kit and as you look into his deep brown eyes, all you see is fear, frustration, anger, and sadness. They all pass one after another on a loop. 

“I don’t have a reason,” Kit finally says after a long pause. “If I were in your shoes, I wouldn’t believe me either. But you showed me kindness no one else has and I’m grateful. Really.”

“I think this place wouldn’t be half as bad as those colleagues of mine showed a little kindness too.” You go back to work, cleaning his hands. “This is going to sting a bit.”

Kit flinches as you pour alcohol over his cuts. Carefully, you clean them some more before you are sure they won’t get infected. Once that’s done, you wrap them in bandages. 

“There, good as new. Just try to keep those bandages dry for a bit. You can take them off tomorrow to let the cuts breathe. Let me make sure your nose isn't broken.”

Kit remain still as you gently cup his face, turning his head left to right in order to take stock of his injuries. Being so close, you realize how handsome he truly is. That jawline is to die for, and his dark curls looks so soft, you want to run your fingers through them. Once that thought entered your brain, you scold yourself. He is your patient and is in the asylum to see if he is fit to stand trial for murder. Thinking about him in any way other than professional is a dangerous game. And very stupid.

“That bad huh?” Kit asks with a slight smirk. 

It isn’t a malicious one by any means. In fact, it’s almost hesitant. Like he is afraid to be so comfortable joking with you. You don’t blame him considering what he has gone through. You offer him a smile in return. 

“Just a split lip and it doesn’t look like your nose is broken. It’s not even swollen. There shouldn’t be any permanent damage.”

You grab a fresh towel and dip it in warm water before gingerly cleaning the blood from his face. But before you can get far, Kit reaches up to stop you. Instinctively you freeze, worried that you may have hurt him. Maybe his nose is worse off than you originally thought?

“Did I hurt you?” you ask.

Kit shakes his head. “No, I’m just…” He pauses as if he’s not sure what to say next. “I’m sorry but I just...why aren’t you scared of me?"

“You really want me to be, don’t you?”

“What? No! Of course not. I’m just…” He stops when he sees you holding back a smile. “You’re messing with me.”

You shrug and go back to your work. “A little,” you admit. “But to answer your question, I’m not scared of you because I believe you. I don’t think you killed or even hurt anyone. I just don’t sense that sort of evil in you. As for what you claim to have witnessed, that I don’t know about. But I do know crazy, Kit Walker. And you’re not it.”

It is like the remaining tension leaves his body and Kit slumps against you, a few tears running down his cheeks. Without thinking, you pull him into a tight hug, letting him rest his weary head on your shoulder. The warmth of him is invigorating and you savor the feeling. It’s been a long time since you’ve been touched in any way. Long work hours make your social life non-existent and you carefully keep your distance with your patients.

Except Kit, it seems. You don’t know why your well-constructed walls are crumbling under the weight of one interaction with one man.

“You have no idea how much I needed to hear that,” he says, his voice muffled by your uniform. “No one will listen. No one believes…”

“I’m listening. But first, sit back before you get blood all over me.”

With a weak laugh, Kit pulls away.  He wipes the tears with the back of his hand which you’re grateful for because you were about two seconds away from gently brushing them away. Pulling yourself together, you continue to clean his face while he tells you his story. It’s definitely strange. The idea of being abducted and probed was one you’d rather not think about.

But you don’t just listen to his words, you watch his expression, pay attention to the tone of his voice and his body language. Even though you’ve heard some of it through the papers, it’s different hearing it from him directly. Once he’s done, you’re even more certain he didn’t kill anyone. No one who talks about their missing wife that softly and heart felt could possibly be a vicious serial killer.

It’s his eyes that give him away. There’s so much emotion and depth, you can’t help but believe him. You wish you can explain it, but some things are beyond explanation.

“You sure I’m not crazy?” Kit asks when you don’t respond to him right away.

“After that story, you’re absolutely batshit.”

He chuckles when he realizes you aren’t serious. You pull your hand away, finally done getting rid of all the blood, but he stops you with a gentle touch to your wrist. “Thank you for listening. I could tell you weren’t judging when I spoke, and I appreciate it. I appreciate everything you’re doing for me.”

“It’s not my place to judge. Only heal.” You sit back, breaking all contact with him, hoping it’ll clear your spinning head.  “There. Now you’re just as handsome as you were before. Do me a favor and at least try not to get majorly hurt again for the rest of the day?”

“He started it.”

“Everyone always starts things here. And given your current situation, it’s best to keep your head down as much as possible.”

“What’s the point? They’ve already made up their minds about me being guilty,” Kit says bitterly as you roll your tray over to the sink. He sees a pack of cigarettes on your desk and nods towards them. “Mind if I have one?”

You wave for him to go ahead as you clean up. “I wish I had words of encouragement for you. I wish I could say it will all work out. But unless they catch the real Bloody Face, your choices are either here or the electric chair.”

Kit pops a cigarette in his mouth and lights the end. “I have to see the state-appointed shrink. My last hope is to convince some head doctor that I’m not crazy.”

Your heart goes out to him. His situation really is a double-edged sword. If he proves he isn’t crazy, then they are sure to send him to trial and his death. If he keeps spouting off about strangers abducting him and his wife, then they will keep him at Briarcliff. Either way, he loses. It isn’t fair. 

“Stick to your story,” you tell him. “If it’s really the truth and that’s really what you know happened, then stick to it. I mean, it’ll probably get you confined here for life. But at least you’ll be alive.”

“Yeah, but at what cost?”

You don’t get to respond. The door bursts open and Sister Jude strolls in with Hardy right behind her. You wonder how long he waited outside before running to tattle on you.

“Why is this patient not restrained?” she asks in that stern voice of hers. 

“I needed to clean his hands and couldn’t very well do that when they were bound,” you say. “He’s all set now.”

“In the future, I would appreciate it if you would leave the door open. No young woman should be alone with this one,” Sister Jude says, motioning to Kit. “Not until he’s been properly medicated.”

“He deserves just as much privacy as any of us do when being medically treated.”

“Not here. Not under my roof,” Sister Jude counters. “I like you, girl, but don’t push me on this. Kit Walker may have the looks of an angel but he’s far from it.”

“She didn’t do nothing wrong,” Kit says angrily.

Sister Jude motions for Hardy to grab Kit. Anger courses through your veins when you see how he is manhandled. “Hey, be careful! I don’t want to have to treat a dislocated shoulder,” you say.

Kit sends you a grateful smile which Sister Jude unfortunately notices. She steps up to him and in a low voice says, “Quit your leering! You don’t fool me, Kit Walker. You can keep spouting that innocent act all you’d like but I know there’s darkness in your soul.”

Kit’s body tenses and you see him clench his fists in anger. The nun yanks his cigarette out of his mouth and puts it out on your desk. 

What a bitch.

As he is led away, Kit dares to look back at you and you see the glimmer of another smile before he is gone. The empty room suddenly seems more so without him there. It’s strange how comfortable you feel around him, especially considering the circumstances. After cleaning up the remnants of his cigarette, you sit back at your desk. But focusing is not in the cards for you. The rest of the day, you find yourself constantly sidetracked by the handsome brown-haired man with the deep brown eyes. So much so that you get angry with yourself.

You are hardly ever swayed by just a pretty face. Then again, there’s more to Kit than that. Although, it certainly helps. The way he stood up for you even when he was in trouble spoke volumes about who he is a person. You don’t think there is a selfish bone in that man’s body.

The next day during meds, you don’t see him in the Day Room with the others. It suddenly occurs to you that after the fight the day before, he probably was thrown in solitary. You hate solitary being used for any of your patients but the thought of Kit in a small dark room, bound and alone makes your heart break in your chest. All you can do is hope he’ll be out of there soon. 

At least three days pass before you see him again, mostly because you spend most of that time in the infirmary rather than in the common areas. It’s early morning and you are enjoying a rare moment of silence when the door opens, and Kit is led in. He’s bleeding from a cut on his forehead, which has already begun to bruise and swell. 

“What happened?” you demand as you leap to your feet. 

The guard, a brute named Dixon who you can’t stand, forces Kit onto one of the beds. “He slipped and fell.”

You doubt it. Your eyes slide over to look at Kit, who gives you a subtle shake of his head. “Oh really?” you ask Dixon, narrowing your eyes in distrust. “This seems like a pretty big bump just to happen from a slip.”

“Just treat him so I can get him back with the others,” Dixon orders. 

“He hit his head. I’m going to have to keep him here for a few hours to make sure he doesn’t have a concussion.”

“Fine.” Dixon shoves Kit until he was laying on the bed. When he reaches for the restraints, Kit fights back. 

“No! Let me go!” Kit struggles against him.

“Those aren’t necessary,” you declare, crossing the room to try to stop Dixon. 

But the guard isn’t having any of it. The next thing you know, he pushes you away, hard enough that you trip over your feet and fall right on your ass.

“You son of a bitch!” Kit exclaims. He leaps up and punches Dixon square in the jaw.  

What happens next is a flurry of blows and swears as the men fight each other. Knowing this can only end poorly for Kit, you manage to get back up before prying the two apart. “Enough!” you snap. “No fighting in my infirmary!”

Dixon is practically snarling as he wipes blood from the corner of his mouth. “You don’t scare me, Bloody Face. If I had my way, you’d be in the furnace by now.”

Kit makes a move to go at him, but you stop him with a hand on his chest. “Mr. Walker, lay down so Dixon can bind you. If you don’t, I know the right injection that’ll make you so tired, you’ll wake up next week.”

Kit’s eyebrows knit together as he looks at you with concern. You throw him a subtle wink. Breathing heavily, he sits back on the bed and allows Dixon to restrain him. Even though it pains you to do so, you help to keep up appearances. But you don’t tighten them as much as you should. Kit’s jaw is clenched as he watches Dixon’s movements, as if he’s waiting for him to attack again.

Once Kit is secured, you reach into your pocket. Unbeknownst to the guards, you carry around a sharpened scalpel for your own protection and the second Dixon lets his guard down, you press it to his neck, making him halt his movements.

“Listen here, you sick fuck,” you growl. “If you ever lay a hand on me again, I’ll shove this so far into your neck you’ll have to take your meals through a tube. Are we clear?”

Dixon sneers and takes a step back. “Whatever you say, woman. Call us when this psycho is ready to go back to his cell. And I’d be careful who you threaten. You wouldn’t want to end up like one of your patients, now would you?”

His threats send a chill down your spine, but you keep your hand steady, the scalpel still pointed at him as he backs away. It’s not until he’s out the door that you cross the room so you can lock it behind him.

“Are you alright?” Kit asks the moment it’s clear the two of you are alone.

You cross the room, pocketing the sharp instrument as you go. “I’m fine, Kit. Don’t worry about me.” As quick as you can, you undo his bindings. “Sorry about this. I fucking hate using bindings, but it was the only way to get Dixon to leave. He’s got a nasty streak in him; I’d stay clear if I were you. Are you okay? What happened to your head?”

“That asshole smashed my face into the wall,” he says as he sits up, rubbing his wrists. “He caught me wandering out of the Day Room.”

“Now why would you go and do a stupid thing like that?” you ask, hands on your hips. “Didn’t I tell you to keep your head down?”

“I just needed some peace and quiet. On my own terms and not in a dark dirty cell. Besides, others wander. Why shouldn’t I?”

“Because the others aren’t wanted for murder. They mean to make an example out of you, Kit.”

“Yeah, I noticed.”

You sigh and head to the icebox in the corner of the room. As you put together an icepack for him, you say, “These guards will look for any excuse to get rough. And they especially have it out for you. You have to be careful.”

“I hate this. I hate all of it. I feel like I’m going crazy. My head is so cloudy, and I can barely feel anything.”

“Those are the meds. Meant to keep you docile.” You carry the ice pack over to him along with supplies to fix up his head wound. “And suppress other impulses.”

“It’s inhumane, that’s what it is.” Kit barely makes a face as you clean the cut and dress it. “How am I supposed to defend myself if I don’t even feel like me? I think I’m slipping, doc.”

“I told you, I’m not a doctor.”

“Well, what should I call you then? You never gave me your name.”

You tell him your name and press the icepack to the bump on his head, “Here, hold this. Your nose is bleeding…again.”

Kit does as he’s told. After a moment, he says your name. It’s soft and beautiful coming from his lips and you can barely focus long enough to hear his question. “Can I confess something to you?”

“I’m no priest or nun.” You start to dab at his nose with a damp towel.

“It’s not that kind of confession. I wasn’t just wandering for the sake of wandering. I was trying to come see you.”

You pause, heart pounding in your chest as your eyes flickering up to meet his. “Why?”

“I feel safe here.”

You go back to your work. “I’m glad you do, but I don’t want you to get yourself hurt just to see me.”

“I didn’t know that asshole was gonna beat the shit out of me just for wandering.”

“Say you have cramps.”

Kit raises his eyebrow. “What?”

“If you want to see me…I mean, come to the infirmary, tell a guard or one of my assistants that you have cramps or a stomachache. It’s something most people don’t question since stomach stuff is really common, ‘specially around here. It usually comes with vomiting or diarrhea and no one wants to deal with that.”

Kit smiles. “Good to know.”

You finish cleaning him up and add, “But don’t overuse the excuse. Otherwise, if something is really bothering you, they won’t listen.”

“Understood. Do you really think I have a concussion?”

“No. Your eyes are clear and you’re not slurring your words. I figured it would at least give you a little reprieve from everything out there.”

Kit’s smile widens. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. Although, I will have to at least keep your feet bound. That way if the guard comes back, I can quickly bind your hands before they enter. The lock will only temporarily slow them down since they have keys.”

“Hey, if it means spending time here with you instead of out there with everyone else who thinks I’m a vicious murderer, I’ll take it.”

Once you have him settled in the bed, you give him a cigarette before going about your daily routine. It is nice having Kit there. Occasionally, you talk as he smokes, but for the most part, the both of you enjoy each other’s company. He asks you about yourself, minor things, nothing too personal or probing, which you appreciate. You feel like he’s also trying to keep some distance between you, understanding your position and what a friendship with him could mean.

A few hours later, when you hear footsteps coming your way, you quickly bind Kit’s hands.

It takes a second for the door to be unlocked but then it opens and Dixon enters just as you’re pretending to check Kit’s bandages. “Walker here needs to see the shrink,” he says gruffly, crossing the room towards you.

“I was just about to call you.” Your lie is so effortless it even impresses you. “He doesn’t have a concussion. You can take him.”

Dixon is rough as he unbinds Kit and yanks him off the bed. To his credit, Kit doesn’t fight back or resist, understanding the stupid rules he needs to follow if he’s going to get anywhere in this place. Once he’s gone, you start to wrap up for the day, finishing any last minute tasks before getting ready to go home. As you’re straightening up your desk, your eyes catch the medication logbook, and an idea strikes you.

Sitting down, you flip through the pages, taking a look at the medications that are prescribed to each patient. At the bottom of the list is Kit’s name and, with a quick flick of your pencil, you manage to subtly cut his doses in half. It’s not much. You wish you can outright stop giving him the meds but that’s impossible. Hopefully, this way he’ll start to feel like himself.

You expect to be worried or guilty for what you’ve done. But honestly, you don’t. It feels right. Far too many patients have lost themselves in Briarcliff and you’re determined not to let Kit be one of them.

---

Kit’s world is not even recognizable anymore. One day he’s home with his beautiful wife, the next, she’s gone, and the police are accusing him of murder. He sees those damn creatures every time he closes his eyes, hears that loud noise echoing in his ears. If it’s not that he’s hearing, it’s the screams of the other patients.

When he saw you for the first time, heard you snap at the guard for mistreating him, he thought he was still dreaming. You have to be a dream. Nothing that good or sweet can possibly exist in this place. The way you look at him makes him feel seen for the first time in months.

He can’t get you out of his mind. After that initial visit, all he could think about was your warm embrace and the concern in your eyes.

To have someone care enough to worry about him meant everything. Especially during such a dark time. Trying to sneak away to see you had been a stupid idea but one he thought was worth the risk. He needed to know if he would have the same feelings each time, the same security and comfort. Do you really believe him or are you just a great actress?

The second time, you’re just as kind and generous as the first, and Kit knows that he is in trouble. A different kind of trouble than he already is in. This one is emotionally based and has the potential to end very badly.

Kit knew himself well enough to recognize the signs that he is falling for someone. You have only known each other a short while but already he can’t get you out of his mind.

The day following his first appointment with Dr. Thredson, he sees you in the Day Room and has to stop himself from immediately going over. It’s clear you’re busy, making the rounds and checking in on the other patients. Kit watches from a distance, smoking a cigarette as he leans against the back wall. Your kindness extends to everyone you come in contact with. He watches with admiration as you sit patiently with Pepper, checking on the small scrapes and abrasions she has.

You smile and his breath gets caught in his throat. Fuck you’re gorgeous.

Curiously, Kit watches as you slip something into Pepper’s hands before moving on to someone else. It turns out to be a small chocolate, which Pepper immediately devours before going back to her book. Kit smiles.

You catch each other’s eyes across the room just then. It’s a charged moment, like nothing in the world matters but the two of you. He makes a move to walk towards you, unable to help himself anymore. But then meds are called, and the moment is lost. Kit stubs out his cigarette and gets behind Lana as everyone lines up for their medications.

“This is bullshit,” Lana mutters under her breath. “Not all of us need medication. I don’t like that they force it on us. Makes my head all foggy.”

“That’s the point, isn’t it?” Kit asks, echoing your sentiment from the day before. “Keep us under control.”

“I have a point. One I’d like to shove right up their asses.”

Kit snorts at Lana’s blunt phrasing. At first, she had been weary of him but now the two have developed a mutual understanding. Neither one of them belongs there and it’s better to support each other than fight. The line moves and Kit watches you join your assistant to make the medication process go faster.

When it’s his turn, you hand him his cup and briefly, his hands touches yours. It’s like a bolt of electricity shoots through your fingertips and into his, coursing through his veins at such a speed it makes his head spin. On the outside however, he remains calm, bringing the cup up to his lips to knock back his meds. Except, he notices they look slightly different than the days before. His eyes briefly dart to yours and there’s a subtle change in your expression. Your eye closes just enough to seem like a wink without fully being one.

Kit downs the meds with less hesitation than before.

Sadly, he can’t talk to you after that. Once meds are distributed, you go back to the infirmary and he’s left alone once more. Briefly he considers faking a stomachache to see you again, but your warning is still ringing in his ears. The fact that you offered him the excuse was risky on your part. He doesn’t want to get you in trouble by overstaying his welcome in the infirmary. Even though he is curious about the medication change, he lets it go.

It’s not until he’s in his room that night that he realizes he’s feeling clear-headed. Usually, once lights out comes around, the meds have him so loopy he rolls over and goes to sleep. Or at least tries. This time, however, he feels more like himself. Of course, that also means he’s more aware of the dark and the loud screams, but once they subside, he’s left with silence and his own thoughts.

She must have lowered my meds or something. She’s fucking amazing.

Kit smiles, curling onto his side as he allows himself to think about you without worry or fear. Again and again your meetings replay in his mind and when he closes his eyes, he can almost smell the scent of your laundry detergent and perfume. The way your soft hands gently held his made him flex his fingers instinctively. Those lips of yours…he’d given anything to kiss them.

Kit’s eyes fly open when he feels his cock swell. It’s been so long since he’s felt any kind of sexual desire even before being medication. It’s a wonderful change of pace, however now he has a slight problem. Kit feels ashamed of himself for thinking of you sexually. All you’ve done is show him kindness and he’s thinking about doing all sorts of things to you. With a frustrated sigh, he rolls onto his stomach and tries to ignore it.

This turns out to be a bad idea. The pressure of his body against the hard mattress causes wonderful friction and Kit finds himself pressing his hips down for some semblance of relief.

Fuck it, he thinks, shoving his hand in his pants. I need this right now. I need her.

It’s been a long time since he’s done this himself. It takes a second to find the right angle and rhythm. He stays on his stomach, arching his back just enough to give his hand room as he jerks himself off. Burying his face in his pillow, he bites down to stifle his moans as he pictures you in your nurse’s uniform. The way it hugs your frame suddenly assaults his vision. When you had leaned over him to check his head, he had caught just the barest hint of cleavage. Then, he had purposefully closed his eyes to be respectful.

Now, it’s all he focuses on, thinking about how he’d love to run his tongue across your salty flesh while his hands cupped your tits. He’d bury his nose in your skin and inhale your scent before kissing and sucking every bit of you he could reach.

Would you moan his name? He bets you would, and he bets it would sound fucking fantastic.

Kit grips himself tighter, speeding up his movements as he keeps the fantasy going in his mind. Suddenly, the angle is too constricting, and he rolls onto his back, biting his bottom lip as he hand brings him closer to coming.

He pictures it being your hand. Pictures him laying in that hospital bed, you leaning over him and jerking him off as you watch his face. He thinks of you telling him to come for you and as soon as that thought crosses his mind, he explodes, coming all over his own hand as he quietly moans your name.

Sweating and panting, Kit lays there in his bed, heart racing and head spinning. He uses his blanket to clean himself up, tossing it onto the floor before curling into a ball. He expects the shame or guilt to hit him any moment, but he can’t find it in himself to feel either. All he feels is aching in his heart for the real thing.

The next morning, when they open the cells, he remains in bed. Once he hears the guard come closer, Kit begins to moan in agony, clutching his stomach.

Thankfully, Hardy is the one who check on him. Ever since you told him off, he’s been mostly tolerable to Kit. At least to his face.

“What’s wrong?” the guard asks.

“My stomach,” Kit moans. “I think…I think I ate something bad.” When Hardy kicks Kit’s soiled blanket aside, he adds, “Wouldn’t touch that if I were you. I felt real sick last night.”

Hardy wrinkles his nose and gestures for Kit to get up. “Come on. I’m taking you to the nurse.”

Laying on the theatrics, Kit forces himself up, still hunched over with his arms wrapped around his stomach.

You’re sitting at your desk when he enters. The morning light is filtering in through the barred windows and it catches you ever so slightly. Enough to almost make Kit forget he’s supposed to be in great pain. When you see him, your face grows concerned.

“This one is moaning about a stomachache,” Hardy says. “Where do you want him?”

To his dismay, Kit notices you’re not alone today. There’s a patient asleep in one of the other beds. You’re out of your chair in a second, pressing one of those soft hands to his forehead.

“He’s burning up.” Your ability to lie so smoothly makes Kit admire you even more. “Here, let’s get him on this bed right here.”

Hardy and you help Kit onto one of the beds in the corner of the room, one that’s hidden behind a divider. “I’ll keep an eye on him,” you say, tucking Kit in. “It’s probably just food poisoning. I’ve told the cook a million times they need to store the food better.”

“Think he needs to be tied down?” Hardy asks.

“No, of course not. Have you ever dealt with a patient who’s tied down and soiling themselves? My job is hard enough as it is. I won’t be dealing with that today.”

Kit makes retching noises if for no other reason than to see Hardy grow pale and uncomfortable.

“Oh, you better go before he starts up,” you urge, shooing the guard away.

Kit keeps up the act until he hears the door close and you turn to him, giving him a wide smile. “Wow, bravo. Great work, Kit.”

He smiles, sitting up. “Thanks. Maybe I’ll have a shot as an actor when this is all over.”

You chuckle and glance over at your other patient to make sure he’s still sleeping before sitting on the chair by Kit’s bed. “How are you really feeling this morning?”

“Better, actually. Do I have you to thank for that?”

“Well…it did seem overkill to have you on such high doses of medication when you aren’t mentally unstable. I’m sorry I couldn’t take you off them completely.”

“You have nothing to be sorry for,” Kit says, reaching out to lay his hand over yours. “If anything, I’m sorry for you having to take that risk. I don’t want you to get in trouble, or worse, because of me.”

You look down at his hand and he immediately draws it back, worrying he may have crossed a line. There’s something in your expression that puts him on edge. He can see that you’re struggling, which only makes him feel worse. He berates himself for foolishly giving into his desires. Already things are tough, and the future is scarily uncertain. He’s on the hook for murder for fuck’s sake.

Before Kit can continue the self-deprecating spiral, you surprise him by carefully getting out of your seat and sitting next to him on the bed.

“Kit…” you say. “This friendship between us…I don’t know if it can continue.”

Kit’s heart sinks and he looks away from you, his gaze now fixated on the floor. “I don’t blame you,” he says. “It’s not safe being near me in any way. Honestly, it was stupid of me to come here like that. As much as I like spending time with you, I never want to put you in a compromising position. I’ve seen these guards and I know how they treat women. You’re in just as much danger here as I am.”

Your hand takes his, and he snaps his head up to look at you.

“That’s not what I’m worried about,” you say. For the first time since you met a few days ago, he hears the slightest crack in your voice. “I’m worried because, if we continue this friendship, I know that for me, one day, it might not be enough.”

His heart speeds up at your confession. Kit can’t believe his ears. The fact that you are feeling even the slightest bit of the attraction to him that he’s been feeling for you is enough to give him the sliver of hope that’s been severely lacking over the last few weeks.

Kit hesitantly links his fingers with yours, giving you every chance to pull away. You don’t. When he says your name, his throat is dry, and he has to clear it before he can go on. “I have no right liking you as much as I do. I don’t believe in God, but I can’t help but think that you’re my damn guardian angel. Because of you, I’m actually starting to think that maybe there’s a way out of this. Or at the very least, staying here won’t be so bad so long as you’re here.”

Your gaze softens and you look away, trying to hide the tear leaking out of the corner of your eye. With his free hand, Kit reaches up to wipe it away with his thumb. He can’t stop himself from cupping your cheek, needing to feel the warmth and softness against his palm. You shut your eyes, leaning into his touch, a shaky exhale escaping through your parted lips.

Your lips.

Kit’s eyes can’t look anywhere else. They look so inviting. He bets they’re just as soft as the rest of you, maybe even more so. Without even stopping to think what he’s doing, he starts to lean in, so slowly that you don’t seem to notice until you open your eyes to meet his. You pull your head back. Not abruptly or angrily, but enough where he gets the message to stop. Kit sighs with disappointment at the refusal. But a second later, you’re leaning in this time, at the same achingly slow pace he had been before.

Your lips brush and there’s a heated charge that soars between you, making you pause before you even properly get a kiss. Your eyes are wide as they meet his, searching for the same thing he’s looking for in yours: permission, acceptance, desire.

Kit closes the distance.

With one hand still cradling your face, he kisses you deeply, drawing your body as close to his as he dares. He feels you melt under his touch and it urges him to keep going, to keep kissing you, to deepen the kiss so he can savor the intense waves of desire washing over him.

You let him, opening your mouth so that his tongue can glide along yours.

It all becomes too intense for the both of you and you have to break the kiss, panting as your foreheads rest against one another’s.

“This is such a bad idea,” you say, the breathlessness of your voice making Kit’s cock twitch. “We have to be smart and we have to be careful. If we really can’t stay apart, then you have to listen to what I say and follow my instructions. Okay?”

“I can do that,” Kit says. He’d honestly agree to anything you say at that point. “Trust me, baby. I know the stakes.”

“Me too.” You take a deep breath and pull away, breaking all contact with him. It immediately leaves him cold and wanting more. “My assistants will be coming to collect the meds any moment. I need to go prepare.”

You reach out to cup his cheek and Kit holds your wrist, keeping your hand there for another moment so he could savor the contact. The way your eyes soften at him only makes him want to kiss you again. Instead, he settles for a peck on your palm before letting you fully pull away.

As you stand and collect yourself, you take a step towards the divider before you pause and look back at him. “No one can know, Kit. Not if you want to stay under my care. If anyone finds out there’s something between us, they’ll transfer me somewhere else and I won’t be able to protect you.”

The fact that you’re scared for him in this scenario and not yourself makes Kit want to throw you on the bed and ravish you. “I promise, I will find a way to clear my name,” he says. “Then once I’m out of here, I’ll take you away. Far away where this place can’t reach us.”

You smile and reach out to stroke his cheek again. “Easy there, Mr. Walker,” you tease, stroking his bottom lip with your thumb. “Keep talking like that and I may think you’re already falling for me.”

He watches you walk away, only one thought on his mind. Too late for that.

[purebarnes]

courage to change—

ꜱᴜᴍᴍᴀʀʏ ➢ when one man gets a chance to go out and date but something is stoping him, wether it’s his guilt taunting him or the girl he was meant to be with.

ᴡᴏʀᴅ ᴄᴏᴜɴᴛ ➢ 1.8k

ᴅɪꜱᴄʟᴀɪᴍᴇʀꜱ ➢ angst, mention of death, therapy sessions.

ᴀᴜᴛʜᴏʀ ꜱᴘᴇᴀᴋꜱ ! ➢ just enjoy.

all on his mind was his nightmares, he would constantly have them and when he had them, he wouldn’t tell anyone about them. especially his therapist, dr. raynor even though she needs to know so that she could help him. after he was brainwashed and turned into a assassin that all he thought himself as. she was on his mind constantly and nothing could change that—she was the girl for him.

probably the most bizarre combination of people to ever get together but if it was meant to be then that’s all that mattered. bucky always wanted to be with y/n but after her dad passing then he couldn’t bare to see her again. no calls, no notes, nothing which was common for someone like james. he would go to his court-appointed therapy sessions to get help so that he could be free. it was the usual, he wouldn’t talk to her and she would have to take down notes.

most people would cooperate but when you’re in his situation then it would be extremely difficult for you as well. he would sit across of dr. raynor just staring, “did you call her?” she asked and he tensed up staring at the ground intensity spreading throughout the whole room. she shook her head as she new the answer but she need something. he would constantly bring up sam and y/n but mostly her and it was like he couldn’t forget all the passion they had. “james. have you called her?” dr asked once more getting no answer from the man, this time he shook his head at her meeting her eyes. he wanted to call or do something to make sure she knew that he still cared about her. “i can’t call her—why not?” she interrupted him and honestly he didn’t have a answer on why he could talk to her.

she moved passed the topic of y/n and went to go to tell her about the nightmare that he indeed had last night as she knew that he had one. he would do the same, not say anything but this one was easier to dodge. “are you still having nightmares?—no.” he told her while he knew that he was and it would taunt him ever night. “well, you seem a little off today. i don’t want to mention her but—it’s not about y/n.” he tried to tell her, “did something happen recently?” she asked bucky getting another no from his lips trailing off like it was smooth.

bucky hated constantly saying no and lying about everything that was bothering him, “you’re a civilian now. with your history, the government needs to know that you’re not gonna...” the dr said putting up her first to show that he wouldn’t hurt anyone. he stifled a smile while she continued, “so, tell me about your most recent nightmare—i didn’t have a nightmare.” dr. raynor sighed deeply before clicking her pen to write into her notebook, bucky groaned. “oh, come on. really? you’re gonna do the notebook thing? why? it’s passive aggressive.” he mumbled.

“you don’t talk. i write—okay. okay, i thought about her but every time i see anything there she is. everywhere i go she doesn’t disappear.” he told the therapist slightly telling the truth and he never told her about the nightmare he had. “but like i said, i didn’t have a nightmare—look.... one day, you’re gonna have to open up and understand that some people really do want to help you and that they can be trusted.” she told him.

she wanted bucky to open and finally figure out that he needed to be able to trust. “i trust people—yeah? give me your phone.” bucky groaned reaching his back pocket to reach for his phone to pass it across. she went to check the contacts he had, “you don’t have ten numbers on this thing. oh, and you’ve been ignoring the texts from sam and still nothing to y/n. look, you’ve gotta nurture friendships. i am the only person you have called all week. that is so sad.” she passed the phone back to him as he caught it waiting for her to continue. “you’re alone. you’re a hundred years old. you have no history, no family, no girl—are you lashing out at me, doc? because that’s really unprofessional, you know? i mean, when did that start? yelling at your clients? the notebook. that’s great.” he sighed when he saw her pull out the notebook into her lap to write a few things.

“all right, give me a break. i’m trying, okay? this isn’t... this is new for me. i didn’t have a moment to deal with anything, you know? i had a little... calm in wakanda. i had her and i just lost her.” he explained to the doctor sighing at the thought of bringing her up again, he wanted to be able to just forget her but nothing could do that for him. he lied, he wanted her back and he wanted to feel her but he couldn’t do anything. he thought it was too late, “and other than that, i just went down one fight to another for 90 years.” she knew he had gone through a lot, it was a lot and she wanted to help and asked him what he wanted. “peace—that is utter bullshit.” she spat out honestly, “you’re a terrible shrink—i was an excellent soldier, so i saw a lot of dead bodies, and i know how that can shut you down. and if you are alone, that is the quietest, most personal hell. and, james, it is very hard to escape.”

if he knew what he wanted, he could of done something to make it all happen. bucky was a man of trauma and he wasn’t going to get better by not helping himself. “you have your mind back, you are being pardoned. i mean these are good things. you’re free.”

wednesday’s were the days that bucky and mr. nakajima would go out and eat lunch at izzy, a little bar that they would love to go and eat at. it was a couple times that he loved to go out and eat with the older, younger than him man. as they talked, yori suggested to ask out the lady in front of him. “you should ask her out—i can’t.” he knew he wasn’t ready to go back and date some girl that wasn’t y/n, sure he thought she was pretty but he wanted an excuse to not date her. it wasn’t that he didn’t like her, “He would like to take you out on a date.” he told the young lady as she looked up and bucky shook his head, not understanding why he would do that. “I’m really sorry about him—why are you sorry? i’m game.” he was taken back and he clicked his tongue while being intrigued, “tomorrow night then?”mr. nakajima said as she agreed on going he sighed, knowing that it might be time to move on.

maybe not move on entirely but to see what would happen in the date that he would go on. he turned back to mr. nakajima, “i can’t believe you did that. it’s a dance to these things. you gotta warm up and i haven’t danced since...” he said then automatically thinking about y/n and all the times she would laugh with him or giggle at him. he froze then looked back at him. it didn’t hurt if he would just go on one date and for her to never find out even though they would probably never be together again.

it was around ten o’clock and the gentle men brought flowers for his date tonight thinking it would be a nice gesture thing to do. they met back into the bar where they were talking and laughing like they would have known each other for a long time. it was almost like he has been there before—she brought up dating and asked if he had dated before and he couldn’t just not tell her anything. when he didn’t say anything, she kept staring until he spoke up drink his drink. “what’re you doing—what’s her name?” he looked started on what she meant, “was she special?” she asked another question. this time he understood what he was talking about, “y/n.” he just said not trying to make anything awkward by talking about his ex lover to the girl he was on a date with.

he was unsure on how she knew that he was thinking about her on their date, “she must be special if you’re thinking about her right now.” she joked chuckling but bucky stayed quiet finally understanding how he felt. he wasn’t ready to be with someone else and it don’t make it easy when she would be in his head everywhere. bucky looked at the wall zoning out to anything at that moment, the girl tried to snap him out of it but nothing worked. she told him that he would bring games so that they could play to pass the time. he went back in that zone.

she was dressed in a black t-shirt and a pair of shorts that showed of her curves easily to distract bucky. she didn’t mean for him to feel this way between her but he could help it. she would go over to her bathroom and starting putting away her essentials until she felt a vibranium metal arm. the coldness hit her shown skin as she shuddered as he went to wrap his arms around her waist. y/n looked up from her position and met his eyes through the mirror and smiled widely, he went to place small kisses on her shoulder—she groaned at him.

she turned around with his arms still placed on her waist, he moved his arm up to meet her back. she pulled up her arms and wrapped them gently around his neck, “stop staring like that.” she said looking into his blue eyes falling in love even more. he chuckled slightly caressing her check with his hand running it back and forth with his thumb. he couldn’t help but pull her in for a kiss which she accepted kissing him back. he let go of her then placing his head on top of hers telling her to go to bed. “let’s go to bed doll.”

he grabbed her hand leading them to the bed and getting ready to sleep with each other, in their arms. y/n unfolded her sheets jumping on the bed with bucky on the other side, she turned off her table light and turned to get closer to bucky while she moved to lay her head on his chest. she chuckle making bucky look down on her, “i love you.” bucky told her then falling asleep together.

the man looked to see the girl from the bar and he stuttered looking at her, “i, uh, i... i gotta go.” bucky got up from his stool and went to go straight the door before heading towards his own apartment. he went to open up his phone and he thought he would go and text her asking her how she was or that he even missed her. he wrote down a message but nothing came out, he would just fail to express how he felt.

[tillthelandslide]

A Distracting Kiss

Request from the kind @pixie1484 : “Hey there.I would love if you could write a medical fanfic where Henry is sick and needs to take injections but is really scared and is a big baby when it comes to needles..Thanks a bunch💕”. I really hope you enjoy you, thank you for being so patient with me, sorry it took a while. 

Authors Note: Hope you enjoy this fluffy piece, we wanted to include Henry’s lovely bottom haha - L 

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(if you would like to be added to my tag list, feel free to message me, if you are new to my blog then I post Henry Cavill fanfics and make Henry Cavill fake Instagram posts, my requests are open so feel free to request anything  and I will try my best to make your vision come to life)   

Today was the day Henry would be getting his injections. He had texted you and begged you to come along with him, he was beyond nervous and it made you giggle. You couldn't understand how your best friend, the strongest, biggest, bravest person you knew, a man who performs dangerous stunts and fight sequences, was so afraid of a few injections. You kind of loved that he was nervous, not in a horrible way but it meant you could be there for him in a way no one else could. You and Henry hadn't known each other that long, you met him in the set of the Witcher where you worked and had hit it off immediately. Your friendship was very flirty and to those who didn't know you, well they would've guessed you were a couple. You remember attending the wrap party for the witcher and Henry had been attached to you, constantly holding your hand, or placing his hand on your waist, even pulling you to sit on his lap when he had had a few drinks. You didn't mind the dynamic of your relationship, but there was this unspoken tension between you, one in which drew you together, you were in love with him but never knew he felt the same.

You arrived at Henry's house and let yourself in with a spare key he had given you. You closed the door behind you as Kal ran up to you, you knelt down and pet him on the head, your fingers massaging behind his ears.

"Where's your daddy, big guy?" you said, making Kal pant happily at you.

"Henry?" you called out, placing your keys down on a table near Henry's door. You heard him grunt from the living room so walked there, Kal following closely behind you. You were met with Henry pacing back and forth, his index finger and thumb pulling at his bottom lip. You walked up to him and wrapped your small hand around his, making him stop pulling his lip.

"Hi." you said, moving his hand which was now in yours away from him.

"Hey" he grunted. He got like this when he was nervous, moody and brooding.

"Hen. Calm down it's going to be fine" you said, walking to sit on his sofa, you had some time before you needed to drive him to his appointment. Kal jumped up on the sofa, sprawling himself out across your lap, pouting up at his dad nervously.

"Henry Cavill, please sit down. Cmon your making Kal nervous" you said sternly, making him look down at Kal and pout.

"I'm sorry buddy" he said, stroking his head.

"Come here" you said, moving your legs further apart and gesturing for him to sit on the floor in between your legs. He did as he was told, his back facing you. Your hands rested against his shoulder, gently massaging them to try relieve some of the stress. You could feel Henry's shoulders drop as soon as you started massaging them, you could sense that he had calmed down just a little bit.

"Now listen to me okay? You're going to be fine, I'll be there the whole time, you can hold my hand if you want.

"Hmm. It's going to hurt isn't it?" he said, looking at you over his shoulder, he groaned when you loosened a particularly hard knot in his shoulder.

"It feels like barely a scratch" you said trying to reassure him. You could tell it hadn't worked because his lip was being chewed by his teeth.

"Henry you're going to bruise yourself" you said referring to his incessant chewing.

"Hmm" he said not listening to you, you leant forward over his shoulder, and did the first thing that came to your mind, which in this case was to place a kiss against his cheek, very close to his mouth. He stopped chewing his lip instantly, making you smile triumphantly. You stood up, offering him your hand which he took and you helped pull him up, his hands came to rest on your hips almost instinctively, yours resting on his shoulders.

"You'll be fine" you repeated, making him nod, although it was half-hearted. He pulled you against him, wrapping himself around you in a hug. You loved this vulnerable side of Henry and loved that he rarely showed it to many people, naming you feel special. One of your hands moved to the back of his, playing with the hairs there to try soothe him.

"We gotta go" you said, making the both of you pull away. You grabbed his hand, leading him to the door, you picked up your keys. You left Henry by the door, sorting out Kal as he was too preoccupied to do so. You looked down at Kal and spoke to him.

"We'll be back soon okay? Be good, you've got water and food and the back door is open slightly so you can do your business. We won't be long" you said, stroking his head, he soon huffed and walked away making you chuckle, he really didn't care that you were leaving. You looked back at Henry who was staring at his feet, his bottom lip back in between his teeth. Your small hand resting against his face, pulling him from his thoughts as you looked up at him, sympathy written across your face.

"Ready?" you said, your hand dropping to grasp his. He nodded and you opened the door, closing it and leading Henry to your car. You drove to the appointment, telling Henry to take a seat whilst you spoke to the receptionist. You were called in shortly after and Henry was told to sit down on the examination table.

"He's really nervous huh?" the doctor said to you, making you nod. This was Henry's doctor so he knew him well but he had never seen him this nervous before and he commented on it to you.

"It's just going to feel like a little scratch" the nurse said, making Henry nod, she began to prepare the injections and you stood next to Henry, him immediately grasping your hand.

"Why is the needle so long?" he said, you could feel him beginning to shake.

"It's okay, it's okay. Y’know I wouldn't let you do anything that would seriously hurt you, right?" you said, making him nod as the nurse came back over, she began to find his vein on his arm and he looked at you, you had never seen him look so worried.

"I'm going to administer the injection now okay? You'll feel a short scratch and that's it" the nurse said, Henry didn't reply so she didn't start yet. Henry was just looking at you and he was shaking so much, an idea came to mind so you nodded at the nurse. The needle was placed against his arm and as she was about to inject it, your fingers grasped his chin and you pushed your lips gently against his. He moved his lips against yours, completely forgetting about the injection.

"There's the first one done." the nurse said, placing some cotton wool on his arm and smirking at you. Henry looked between you and the nurse, dumbfounded, he didn't feel a thing, probably too distracted by your lips against his.

The whole time the doctor was preparing another injection, Henry's manager who had organised this had also informed them that he needed an anti-sickness injection as he was going to be doing a lot of travelling.

"So we've also been informed you need an anti-sickness injection, now this injection requires me and the nurse here. It has to be administered through the glutes, it will hurt a tiny bit more than the one in your arm and you will feel a numbness for a few hours after" the doctor said calmly, you could tell Henry was still a bit nervous but you think the kiss that happened was distracting him enough so he didn't get too worked up.

"Due us both needed to help, you can't be by his side unfortunately, you can take a seat here" the said kindly to you making you smile.

"That's fine" you smiled back, going to move away from Henry, who didn't let you and squeezed your hand harder.

"I'm just going to be sitting right here" you said, the chair was placed a tiny bit further away from him but he'd still be able to see you. He nodded and let you go. The doctor instructed him to lie down on the bed and pull his trousers down which he did and he then began inserting the injection. Henry's face pinched up slightly and you could tell he was uncomfortable, he wasn't in pain however which was good.

You tried to make him more comfortable by making a joke "Nice bum" you joked, making him chuckle (and the doctor and nurse too).

"There we go, all done" the doctor said, finishing up the injection.

"Now as I said, your glutes will feel a little bit numb for a while and may feel achy tomorrow but that feeling should go away in a day or 2. Same goes for your arm. If you have any problems like bruising or bleeding, come and see me" he said as Henry got ready, sitting up from the table.

"Thanks doc" Henry said, back to his usual self, shaking his hand.

"Thank you." you said, shaking his hand too.

"Might need your help to calm a few other patients." he said, making you laugh.

You drove Henry home, opening the door for him and smirking at him as you both walked inside.

"What?" he said, laughing to himself at how ridiculous he was behaving.

"Nothing" you shrugged, still laughing to yourself. You walked to the kitchen pulling out two glasses and filling them with water, walking back to his living room and sitting next to him on the sofa, passing him a glass.

He raised his eyebrows at you as he took a sip.

"Never known you to be such a big baby" you teased, nudging his shoulder.

"Hey that's mean" he said, pouting.

"I'm only joking. I like vulnerable Henry" you said smiling at him.

"Don't get used to it" he said, smiling and taking a sip from his water, leaning forward to place his drink down. He groaned as he did so.

"Man, my butt really aches" he said, making you check out his butt.

"Did you just check out my butt?" he said, making you giggle.

"It's a nice butt" you shrugged, not caring that you were being so open.

"Thank you and thanks for everything you did today. Nice trick by the way" he said and you presumed he was talking about the kiss.

"Anytime" you said, jokingly winking at him.

"Might have to take you up on the offer" he said, leaning in slightly.

"More than welcome to" you said, leaning in slightly too. Henry pushed forward a tiny bit more, pressing his lips against you lightly. His bottom lips felt slightly chapped, probably from how much he had been chewing it, but you didn't mind, his lips felt good against yours. It was just a sweet kiss but it was nice. Henry pulled away, pulling you into a hug, your head resting against his chest.

"You should know you're special to me yn. Not many people get to see me the way you saw me today" he said seriously.

"You mean to tell me that you don't act like a big baby to everyone" you said, making him laugh sarcastically.

"I'm serious though." he said, looking down at you.

"I know" you said, smiling sweetly up at him "I appreciate you being like that with me" you said, leaning up to place another sweet kiss against his lips.

All you knew in that moment was, you and Henry hadn't defined what you are, but you knew you were something to him, after all many people get to so the vulnerable Henry, or his nice butt for a matter of fact.

[wefoundloveunderthelight]

Nowhere to Run by  GleefullyCaptainSwan

Read on AO3: Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10

Or on FF

Stacy's Tortured Crew: @teamhook @kmomof4 @stahlop @lfh1226-linda @ilovemesomekillianjones @itsfabianadocarmo @mariakov81 @qualitycoffeethings @zaharadessert @jonesfandomfanatic @jrob64 @natascha-ronin @tiganasummertree @xarandomdreamx @therooksshiningknight @batana54 @superchocovian @onceratheart18 @ultraluckycatnd @snowbellewells @karlyfr13s

The song referenced in this chapter is “We are Glass” by Thompson Square. You can hear the song here:

It’s a beautiful song and I felt it really summed up the characters in this story.

Chapter 10: We are Glass

Killian spent the next couple of weeks recovering in the hospital. He asked Robin to stay at his place to keep an eye on Emma and Henry, yet Emma spent most of her time next to his bed side when she wasn’t sitting in the corner of the room with Henry on her lap, teaching him his school lessons.

She told him how she had been teaching Henry everything she could while they were on the run. He could read and write, knew his arithmetic, and was an excellent artist. He found that even when he was tired, he would spend his time watching the two with reverence. Emma was a patient mother, but Henry was also an exceptional child.

“Did it hurt when you got shot?” The boy mused as he sat on the end of his bed, peeking up from between the cards in his hands.

“Aye. I would say it was pretty painful. Go fish, by the way.” He paused. “But the pain was replaced quickly by a sense of numbness, I guess, so I didn’t feel it long.” He stretched restlessly, looking down at his cards. “Have any 3’s?”

The boy narrowed his eyes, looking through his cards. “Go fish.” He smirked. “Do you think my dad is going to get out of prison and come after us again?”

Killian placed his cards against his chest. “I don’t think so lad. He’s going to have a trial. He has that right. The state will present its evidence, and he’ll face any consequences that he’s found guilty of. But you don’t have to worry, Henry. Even if he does get out, he’ll never get near you or your mom again.”

“But what about you? Who’s going to protect you?”

“Well, I’ve got Captain Nolan, and my partner Robin. Will and Belle…”

“And mom and me.” He said proudly.

Killian’s heart swelled. “You’d protect me? I’m honored.”

“Is Rogers ok?” His nose scrunched in worry.

“He’s staying with Will. He’s not a young pup anymore, so the old boy needed a lot of help getting better. But when they finally let me out of here, he’s gonna come back and live with me.”

“Will me and mom live with you?”

Killian swallowed nervously. He and Emma hadn’t talked about the future yet. There was still so much for them to resolve. Ten years was a long time to be apart, especially when the last time they had seen each other they were not in a good place.

“Your mom and I have a lot to talk about still.”

“Are you really married to my mom?” Continuing his barrage of questions.

He sighed. “Aye.”

“That must have been weird having her gone for ten years then. I bet you missed her.”

“More than all the stars in the world.”

“She used to tell me stories about you.” The boy said, his eyes wide as saucers.

“Did she now?” He mused.

“Sometimes you were a cop fighting bad guys, other times you were a swashbuckling pirate searching for treasure, and sometimes you were a Lieutenant in the Royal Navy sailing off on a ship to save the princess. Mom tells the best stories, but they were always about you.”

Killian’s eyes glassed over, bending his head to reach up and swipe at his face. “Your mother has quite the imagination, but I’m happy to be able to oblige for your entertainment.”

“Who’s hungry?” Emma’s voice filled the room as she came carrying a tray of food and drinks. “The doc says you are off your diet.”

Killian groaned happily as she sat the hamburger down on the tray in front of him. The first real food he would get to eat in weeks. He bit into the burger immediately, moaning loudly as soon as he tasted the meat on his tongue. Emma was staring at him, her mouth slightly agape. “Wut?” He said between chews.

“Nothing.” She said with an embarrassing glance away from him, her cheeks turning a bright shade of red. At least he still had some sort of effect on her, he thought.

“How did the call with Liam go?” She sat down in the chair next to him, pulling a grilled cheese sandwich into her hands.

“He was happy to hear that Neal is behind bars. He’s going to come visit soon when the girls are on holiday. He wanted me to tell you how gutted he was knowing everything you’ve been through.”

She shrugged, something she did often when he mentioned her past with Neal. “It will be nice to see him again. The girls must be so big now.”

“Aye. Twelve and sixteen now. He has his hands full for sure.”

She took a bite of her sandwich, watching Henry coloring at the end of Killian’s bed. “He’s not bothering you is he?”

“We were just playing a game of Go Fish. I think he cheats.” He whispered loudly, earning a complaint from Henry. Emma let out a pleasant laugh, something he was happy to earn from her.

“Doctor says you might get out of here tomorrow.”

“That’s my hope as well. I can’t wait to see Rogers.”

“I’m glad he’s alright. The old boy’s a survivor.” Emma mused.

“Aye, that he is.”

“I made an appointment for Henry and I to go see Dr. Hopper next week.” She said with a sad smile. “Figured I might need to talk through some things before we have to face Neal again at trial.”

“Hop’s a good man.”

“You know him?”

“Aye.” He nodded, not wanting to get into the fact that he knew him because he had been his patient, after Emma had left, when the world crumbled at his feet.

“I’ve been looking for a place to stay once you get released from the hospital. I know you’re going to need your bed to recover.”

Killian bit his lip. He knew they needed to discuss this. He didn’t want her to leave, but he also knew that they had a lot to work through if they were going to ever find their way back to each other. If she still wanted that.

“I can talk to Will. He had a vacancy across the hall from him a couple of weeks ago.”

“That would be nice, thank you.”

“Emma…”

“Hey there.” Killian stared at Emma’s face as David entered the room. “How ya feeling?” He turned, facing his boss.

“Doing great, going home tomorrow, I’ll be back on the streets before you know it.” He grinned cheekily.

“Yeah you’re taking some time off, buddy.”

“What?” He complained.

“Take a vacation, Killian. You’ve earned some time off. Robins got your cases locked down right now.”

“Cap, I’m fine.”

“It’s an order, Detective.” He walked over to Emma and smiled, she suddenly reached up and wrapped him into a hug.

“You look better.” He said softly.

“I feel better, I feel like I’ve gained ten pounds just eating three meals a day.” She chuckled, but both David and Killian glanced uncomfortably at each other.

“Hey, don’t do that. I’m fine.” She glared. “I don’t want you treating me any differently than you did when we were at the academy.” She winked up at David, “Still top of my class, sir.”

“It’s good to have you back Emma.” David smiled with a genuine air of happiness.

Three months later

Emma picked the shirt off the floor in Henry’s room, tossing it into the hamper. “Did you remember to pack a toothbrush?” The boy appeared from behind the doorway, poking his head into the room.

“Yup. It’s in the front pocket of my duffle.” He disappeared again and then reappeared. “Are you gonna be ok with this?”

Emma smiled at him. “Of course, I am, why would you ask that?”

“Cuz this is my first sleepover away from you that isn’t over at Killian’s.”

“I’ll be fine, Henry. I actually have plans tonight.”

He moved quickly into the room. “What kind of plans?”

She sat down on the bed. “I kinda have a date tonight.”

“Does Killian know?” He asked with a shocked look of disgust on his face.

“Actually, that’s what I wanted to talk to you about before you left.” He sat down next to her. “My date is with Killian.”

He jumped up from the bed and pumped his arms in the air. “Yes.”

Emma laughed. “Does that mean you’re ok with this?”

“Of course, I am. Killian’s the best. He even lets me stay up until 11pm when I stay over at his place.”

“Well, I’ll have to talk to him about that, but I’m glad you like him.” She wrapped her arms around Henry’s waist and hugged him tightly. “I love you, buddy. I hope you have fun tonight. And if you need me at all, you know you can call me.” She tousled his hair and kissed his cheek.

There was a knock on the door and Henry pushed away from her. “Gotta go, love you mom.”

Emma looked around Henry’s room, pictures he had drawn hanging on the wall. Her favorite one was hanging above the bed. It was of her, Henry, Killian, and Rogers playing at the park.

As difficult as returning home had been, they had settled into a pretty simple life. Emma and Henry had moved into their own apartment in Will’s complex. It was nice to have a friendly face around now and then when she found herself getting anxious on nights when Henry was sleeping over at Killian’s or when she would wake from a terrifying dream.

Will was always gracious no matter the time she found herself standing in front of his door with a bottle of rum in her hands. He would always sit up with her and listen to her talk about the first thing that came to her mind, something Dr. Hopper had suggested she try to take her mind off her nightmares. She didn’t know when it happened but before she knew it, he had become one of her closest friends.

And then there was Killian.

She wasn’t surprised that Henry had latched onto him so quickly. Killian was great with him, always patient, always offering to assist him with whatever the boy required. Which was often a lot as he was a growing boy who was adjusting to the freedom of being able to go outside and roam. Killian made sure he found new foods for him to try, adventures to experience, even new clothes to wear on his first day at a real school. Watching him with her son, the joy on his face, had her falling in love with him all over again. Of course, she hadn’t told him that. She was nervous about moving too quickly with him. Dr. Hopper told her that was normal. She had experienced a trauma and loss that not many people would cope with.

In her last session, she told her therapist that she wanted to try again with Killian. She had spent the last three months trying to figure out what her life would become now that she was home. She needed to learn who Emma was before she could deal with being Mrs. Jones again.

Killian had presented her with their divorce papers, gave her the choice to sign them and start her life fresh. She put it off, telling him that she needed some time to think before she made any big decisions in her life. He was patient and told her he understood but Emma knew that if he had his way, he would rip them to shreds.

Emma was volunteering at a small clinic that Mary Margaret worked at on the weekends, talking to victims of domestic abuse and rape. Currently she was taking it slow, still not understanding her own trauma that she had endured enough to feel like she had all the answers, but just being there with them to let them know they weren’t alone, and that someone understood what they had gone through. It was freeing to Emma to be able to own her story, to not feel ashamed anymore.

Dr. Hopper told her that was a form of acceptance. Owning what happened to you, claiming it as your story. She would never be over what Neal had done to her, stealing her dignity, laying waste to her self-esteem. But she refused to be defined by it. She didn’t want to be Emma Swan, rape victim. She was Emma Jones, survivor.

Today was going to be another step in her journey. Killian was taking her on a date. She remembered his face as they were eating lunch, a short break during his shift.

“We should go out.” She said nonchalantly between bites.

“Are you asking me on a date?”

“Maybe, but I have to ask you a few questions first.” He raised his eyebrow, leaning forward for her to continue.

“Ask away.”

“I need to know if you ok going on a date with someone who is probably always going to be a little bit damaged.”

He shrugged, “Aren’t we all? I like to think I can absorb a little damage.”

“Ok then, last thing…” She grinned. “You gotta like kids or it’s a deal breaker.”

He laughed loudly, “Aye, I adore Henry.” He shrugged, “So, do I win a date with the beautiful woman who currently has a mayonnaise mustache?” He reached out, wiping the offending condiment from her lip, eliciting shockwaves through her body.

That was the moment she knew she was ready. She had felt excitement from his touch instead of withdrawing the moment he made contact.

He had insisted on being the one to plan the date, as much as she was sure she could still plan a night out, she had to admit that it took some of the pressure off. He wouldn’t tell her where they were going, only that it was somewhere she had been asking to go for a while and he felt she had earned it. Whatever that meant.

She slipped into the pink dress, pulling the straps over her shoulders. Looking in the mirror, she barely recognized herself. She looked feminine, happy, with a glint of hope in her eyes. The tears slipped onto her cheek; Neal had not stolen everything from her.

There was a knock on her door, a smile crept on her face. She took a deep breath, closing her eyes and centering her mind. She was taking control of her life tonight.

Opening the door, she couldn’t control the shiver she felt when she saw him come into view. The man she fell in love with so many years ago was standing in front of her. Sure, he was older, the hint of grey kissing his hair, fine lines around his eyes, but he was even more gorgeous today than she remembered him all those years ago. This was the man who was willing to give up his life for her, loved her enough to save her, even if it meant he couldn’t have her.

“You look…”

“I know.” She giggled, accepting the rose he passed toward her. Her nose inhaled the fragrance of the flower, eyes glancing down his frame, the anticipation of the rest of their evening taking her to new heights.

“Shall we?”

“Are you going to tell me where we’re going?”

“Patience is a virtue, love.” He winked.

She rolled her eyes but followed him out to his car. They drove in silence, her hands folded in her lap. The soft sounds of the radio playing through the car.

Trying to live and love,

With a heart that can't be broken,

Is like trying to see the light with eyes that can't be opened.

Yeah, we both carry baggage,

We picked up on our way, so if you love me do it gently,

And I will do the same.

Emma felt the tears sting her eyes. The lyrics breaking into her heart as she chanced a glance at the man sitting beside her, his eyes focused on the road, his jaw tensed, that familiar vein popping from the side of his neck. He never forgot her in all the time she had been gone. She knew how he felt about her. The way he loved her. He’d been so patient with her these last few months. Not pushing her either out the door or into his heart.

We may shine, we may shatter,

We may be picking up the pieces here on after,

We are fragile, we are human,

We are shaped by the light we let through us,

We break fast, cause we are glass.

'Cause we are glass.

He turned toward her, a smile ghosting on his lips that held onto hope. When she walked out the door ten years ago, she knew she still loved him, that she would always love the man who had risked everything for her. Now she knew that back then, before everything went to hell, she was being stubborn walking away, letting her fear of the unknown hold her captive.

I'll let you look inside me, through the stains and through the cracks,

And in the darkness of this moment,

You see the good and bad.

But try not to judge me, 'cause we've walked down different paths,

But it brought us here together, so I won't take that back.

She exhaled, a stray tear slipping against her cheek. She let it fall, not afraid of her emotions anymore. She had been stubborn; she should have known that they would have made anything work. Instead, she walked away and ended up in a hell she couldn’t control.

We might be oil and water, this could be a big mistake,

We might burn like gasoline and fire,

It's a chance we'll have to take.

Emma was ready to let go of all of that. To let go of the ten years she had been robbed of, to forget all the stubborn and foolish decisions that had gotten them to this moment. She wanted to reclaim her life. She wanted to take back what was owed to her.

We are glass.

The song referenced in this chapter is “We are Glass” by Thompson Square. You can hear the song here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tPd1GIwjRFMIt’s a beautiful song and I felt it really summed up the characters in this story.

[autumnleaves1991-blog]

Day 14: The Test Results - Santiago ‘Pope’ Garcia

Day 14: The Test Results - Santiago ‘Pope’ Garcia 

Todays story was requested by @itspdameronthings​. Thank you so much for the request and I really hope you like it. This is the longest of all the stories I have written for the November Writing Challenge.

November Writing Challenge Masterlist 

Day 13: Water Flowed- Llewyn Davis 

Day 1 

“Do you have to go?” Your voice is quiet as you watch him pack his bags from your seat on the bed. 

“Querida, you know I don’t want to but they are asking me back as a favor AND I’m being compensated. I worked in Columbia for three years, it's where my mother was born. I feel like I need to do this,” he kneels in front of you, taking your hands in his own. “It’s only four months and I promise I will call and text you every single day. It’s killing me to leave you but...I feel I have to do this.” 

Santiago ‘Pope’ Garcia was a former member of Delta Force in the US Military before leaving to go work for the DEA in Columbia. Three years ago, he left Columbia to return home but not without one final mission. He got together a few of his old buddies from the force and robbed a drug lord before killing him and fleeing the country. But something went wrong. Well… a lot of shit went wrong, resulting in the death of his old captain, Tom, and forcing them to leave millions of dollars off the side of a cliff buried in the snow. 

Santiago had accepted a temporary assignment with the DEA to return back to Columbia and train some new recruits. You were not one bit okay with this plan but the one thing you loved and also kind of hated about your husband was how headstrong he could be. Unfortunately, you are just as stubborn as him. The last few weeks leading up to his departure had been fraught with arguments. You didn’t want him to go. Even though it had been years since that last mission, you didn’t know what the situation down there was. Were they still hunting for the men who had robbed and gunned down Lorea? Was he walking into a trap? No money was worth losing the man you loved, and he didn’t seem to understand that. 

“You don’t have to do anything.” The words are bitter on your tongue and Santiago winces, before moving to stand. “We don’t need that money, and you have no idea what you walking into baby…” 

“Y/N, we have talked about this enough. I am going!” He slams the top of his suitcase closed before pulling the zipper harshly and walking towards the door. He turns sharply at the door pointing at you, “Why do you keep arguing with me about this? I have told you a million reasons why I need to do this! Instead of supporting me you're just fighting with me!” 

“I do support yo-” 

“Well, you sure have a funny way of showing it.” he swings his backpack on his back, puts on his hat and walks out the door. You’re on your feet in a hurry. “Goddamnit, Santiago! Will you just fucking listen to me for two minutes?”  You grab his shoulder and turn him to face you. He’s fuming and you can tell the volcano is seconds away from blowing. “I DO support you! I understand WHY you feel the need to do this but I LOVE YOU and I don’t want to LOSE YOU!” 

You're out of breath from shouting, and you see the anger slowly fade from his face as he comes to stand closer to you, “Querida...baby you're not going to lose me. I love you….so … damn … much. I never really felt alive until I met you, and no one,” he puts a finger under your chin and raises your eyes to his own, “no one is going to take me away from you.” 

“You can’t promise that…” Your words come out broken and a choked sob escapes you. “You don’t know what’s going to happen. Santi I can’t lose you. I won’t survive without you…” 

“Shhh.” He pulls you close and you collapse in a sobbing heap into his chest, your tears soaking the front of his t-shirt, his hands are strong as he holds you close. “I know nothing is one hundred percent but I love you and I am going to come home back to you. Nothing could ever keep me away.” He pulls you away from his chest, wiping your eyes before kissing you gently.

“I love you too Santi, so much.” You sigh into the kiss and hold him tight before he pulls away, walking towards the door, grabbing his duffle bag from the floor and walking out, taking your heart with him. 

Day 31 

Santiago kept good on his promise and called and texted every single day, each time letting you know he was safe and how much he loved you. He was working hard down there, and he loved the adventure, even if he missed you like crazy. You missed him too and the combination of being without your husband, taking care of the whole house, your shared basset hound, and work was draining. It was only a matter of time before you started feeling under the weather. You had been feeling fatigued, sore throat, cough, and after two days of vomiting throughout the day you had to admit it, you were sick. 

On your nightly call with Santi the worry in his voice warmed your heart. “Baby, you need to go to the doctor and get checked. Remember when you got bronchitis last year? It was pretty bad.” 

You hack into the receiver “Yeah, maybe you're right. I just feel like shit Nauseous all day long. Jonathon actually sent me home today. Said he was worried about me ‘infecting’ the office.” 

Santi mutters under his breath but you hear him and snort. “Yeah I agree he is a dick, but I appreciate being sent home. I’ll go to the urgent care tomorrow.” 

“Do you promise?” 

“Yes, I promise. I want to feel better...I just hate going to the doctor.” You recall the many times Santi had to drag you kicking and screaming (sometimes literally) to the doctor. 

“Why don’t you ask one of the guys to go with you?” 

“Maybe...Frankie mentioned he was off tomorrow when I called him yesterday....” 

“See. It was meant to be. Why don’t you text him after you hang up with me and he will make sure you go? Then I can rest easy tonight knowing you’re ok. I wish it were me though. I would take such good care of you baby.” 

“Oh yeah?” What would you do if you were here?” You snuggle down into the comforter with your box of tissues, hot tea, the humidifier and his deep soothing voice lulling you to sleep. 

It doesn’t take long before your soft snores fill the phone and Santi smiles to himself. Listening to the sounds of his love finally feeling at rest. When you wake up three hours later to throw up the light from your phone signifies a message. 

I called Frankie, he’s going to come by at 10 o’clock to take you for an appointment. I booked it online through the app. Get some rest and drink lots of fluids. I love you. - Hubby 

You smile before brushing your teeth and crawling back into the warmth of your bed and falling back to sleep, dreaming of your husband. 

Day 32 

The next morning Frankie rings the doorbell at exactly 9:45.Like all the other Delta Force guys (except Benny), they are meticulously early. You greet him with a cup of coffee with his own special airplane shaped mug, complete with his name engraved on the side. You knew that when you married Santiago, Frankie came as part of the package. 

“Hi Garcia, how ya feeling?” He wraps one arm around your shoulder and you lean into the embrace, placing your head on his arm. 

“To be completely honest Cat? I feel like shit.” 

Frankie lets out a small laugh before rubbing gentle circles on your back. “Well then let’s get you to the doctor. You got your insurance card?” 

“Yeah it’s in my bag.” You grab your brown knit bag, swinging it over your shoulder. 

“Then let’s get going.” He guides you out to his truck, helping you into the seat before running around the front to the driver's seat. 

About twenty minutes later you're pulling into the parking lot of your doctor. Frankie walks you inside helping you get signed in. It's another thirty minutes before you're put back into a room, sitting on crinkled tissue paper, Frankie reading back issues of People. The door opens and you sit up a little straighter. 

“Mrs. Garcia?” You nod. “I’m Dr. Jacobs. What can I help you with today?” 

You proceed to tell her what’s been going on and she goes through the motions, asking you all about your symptoms, checking your ears, nose, throat, and chest. When she's done she types everything into her tablet, “one more question, when was your last menstrual cycle?” 

You open your mouth to answer before closing it slowly. “When was my last...Oh. Uhm,” you laugh nervously at a loss for words, “about a month ago it should be starting any day now…” 

“Is there any chance you could be pregnant?” she asks, looking between you and Frankie. 

“Oh, he’s not my husband!” 

“I’m her husband's best friend. He’s out of the country.” 

“Well it sounds like you may have the flu but I would like to run some labs as well if that’s alright with you, and maybe a pregnancy test just to be sure?” 

You laugh. “Sure doc whatever you need, but I am not pregnant.” 

Day 35 

You swing your car haphazardly into the driveway narrowly missing a planter box and running over Mia’s pink bike. The front door slams open. Frankie is running down the driveway, yanking the car door open and pulling you into his arms. Your sobs are staining your cheeks and you're a blubbering mess. 

“Garcia! What the hell! Are you ok!?” Frankie checks you over. You shake your head frantically. 

“NO! No I am not ok!” you shout! “The test results came back!” 

“Oh god, is it bad!? Cancer? Diabetes? Fuck! Did Pope give you some kind of STD because I swear I will kick his ass for you!” 

“NO! God...no...I'm...Pregnant!” You break down in sobs and hold onto Frankie who starts to laugh. “Stop laughing! This is serious! Frankie!!” 

He chuckles squeezing you tighter, “Garcia this is wonderful! You're gonna be a mom and Santiago is going to be a daddy! Mia will have someone to play with. Fuck, I’m so happy for you guys.” You pull away to see a huge smile on his face. 

Some of his excitement rubs off on you and you rub your nose on the sleeve of your shirt before you smile, “I’m gonna be a mommy…oh shit Frankie what do I tell Santi?

“We will worry about that later. But right now let’s get you home and back to bed. You still have that cough and you need your rest.” 

Day 36 

“Hey baby. How is my favorite man?” 

“Oh Querida I miss you so much. I think I forgot how much I love being out in the field. The rush, the thrill. It’s addicting.” 

Your heart drops and for a minute you say nothing. How the hell could you tell him about the baby? He would want to come straight home and he’s loving the work.

“Everything is great here. Yeah, I got the test results yesterday from the lab and everything is normal. I just have the flu and since I’ve been off the last few days I’ve rested and drank lots of fluids and I am feeling much better.” 

“Oh good, I was so worried about you.” He sighs. “I got a new app on my phone that counts down to the second till I get to be back with you.. I love you so much Querida.” 

You bite your lip to keep from crying before letting out a shaky breath, “I love you too baby, and I can’t wait to see you soon.” 

The conversation shifts and when you hang up with your husband you shoot a quick text off to Frankie. 

Don’t mention ANYTHING about the pregnancy to Santiago. I’ll tell him when he gets home. 

What? Why? 

He loves being there and if we're going to have a baby then he's not going to be able to do this again. If I tell him you know he will just come home early. 

Ok...I still think you should tell him. You're going to need support though...he’s still going to be gone for three more months. 

Your right...Frankie...will you be my person? 

... of course. Get some sleep Garcia. 

Day 100 

Four months doesn’t seem like a long time. But when you're pregnant and missing your husband it seems like a lifetime. It had been one hundred days since Santi had left for South America and only twenty-two more days till he came home. When you did the math in your head you had become pregnant two weeks before Santi had left. Meaning you were well on your way to being a very noticeable pregnant woman. 

You had been shopping a couple times with Benny to Motherhood Maternity store to get some bigger clothes because yours refused to fit. Also a very interesting trip to Babies-R-Us where after much convincing he did not purchase the entire store for his future niece/nephew. Will had been attending your doctor and lab appointments with you. And sweet Frankie had been helping you around the house, getting groceries when you were too tired, keeping up the yard, and taking you and your dogs for walks to keep you moving. Your husband’s brothers had become your own, and you loved them for it. Only 22 more days. 

Day 120 

You're sitting at the kitchen table doing a puzzle with Will when Frankie comes in carrying takeout and a squirming Mia. He puts her down and she rushes toward you. 

“TIA GARCIA!” she screams, launching herself into your arms. 

“MIA!” you shout, squeezing her tightly before tickling her sides. She giggles before shimmying out of your lap and running to the kitchen. Coming back a moment later carefully balancing (at least as careful as a three year old can) a plate filled with watermelon to you. 

“Papa says this is for the baby,” she tells you in what could be called an attempted whisper but more like a shout. 

“Why are you whispering Mia?” 

“Papa says that I have guts to be quiet because the baby is sleeping.” She leans forward and hugs your slightly protruding belly before climbing into the kitchen chair across from you. 

You give Frankie an amused look and he smiles with a shrug before plating out the food. Pizza for them and watermelon for you. It’s all you seem to want anymore. “Oh come to mama.” You spear a piece before placing it in your mouth, moaning as the cold sweet juice goes down your throat. 

“So I’m taking you to the airport on Friday to pick up Santiago. Any ideas on how you're going to tell him?” Frankie asks, taking a large bite of pizza. 

“Well I think he’s going to know.” You gesture to your stomach, spearing another piece of melon. 

“I’ve been looking up ideas on how to tell people you're pregnant, and you could give him a jar of pasta sauce,” Will says and you all look at him like he’s nuts, “No, hear me out it’s Prego pasta sauce...get it, Prego?” 

You groan before taking another bite, “I think he’s going to notice I’m pregnant before I can even give him a jar of pasta sauce Will.” 

“Not if he doesn’t see your stomach first…” Frankie says, “what if you made a sign?” 

“A sign?” 

“Yeah like when we used to come home from a tour and the families would have signs. You could make a sign!” 

You think about it for a minute before you fall in love with the idea. You go to the office and come back with a couple poster boards you kept for work presentations. You place one in front of Mia who squeals and grabs one of the markers you provide. You get to work outlining the words and filling them in with his favorite colors blue and red. When completed, you lift it up and show it to the others.

“That’s perfect!” Frankie beams. 

“Bet you 50 bucks he cries,” Will says. 

“Deal,” they slap hands and you glare, before smiling at the two. Only two more days. 

Day 122 - Santiago Comes Home 

You feel sick, what if he doesn’t want to have a baby? Will he be mad I kept this from him? Shit, maybe this was a terrible idea. What the hell was I thinking? 

“Garcia, you need to calm down, you're making me stressed.” 

“What if he doesn’t want this? What if he is disappointed? What if-” Frankie stands up and puts his hands on your shoulders. 

“Garcia listened to me. Santiago loves you more than anything in this entire world and he is going to love this baby just as much maybe even more. He may be surprised yeah but trust me. Once he wraps his brain around it, he’s going to be ecstatic.” He pulls you in for a hug and you take a deep breath, calming your nerves. 

The constant flow of travelers does nothing to lessen your anxiety. You take a deep breath and almost choke on the smell of espresso from the nearby Starbucks. Frankie gives you one last squeeze before handing you the sign and stepping back as people flood out of the gate. 

You rise to your tiptoes in search for a familiar head of salt and pepper curls. When in a break of the crowd you see him, running in a full sprint towards you. His face split into a megawatt smile. As he gets close enough to touch, you hold up the sign. He slows down slightly as he reads and you watch the smile fade only slightly before it’s replaced by shock. 

Welcome home daddy 

He reaches forward, holding tight to the poster board and slowly lowering it, eyes transfixed at your swollen belly. Silence. His hands shake as they put the sign on the floor, his eyes never leaving you. Your heart races and you feel the urge to vomit return again before he drops to his knees. 

You wince, “Baby, your knees…” reaching down to pull him up, but he makes no move to stand, his hands coming to your stomach. Placing his lips gently over your shirt. His forehead rests against you and tears drench your shirt. The baby chooses that moment to make their presence known kicking softly against his cheek. You run your hands through his curls and he looks up at you with a watery smile and a small laugh. 

“Querida, you’re pregnant. We’re...we’re having a baby…” he sniffles and you can’t help the tears in your own eyes. “Why...why didn’t you tell me? I would have come home…”

“That’s exactly why I didn’t. You’ve been so happy these past few months and I knew you needed to do this. Yes, I was scared as hell about losing you but...I understood.” 

“I don’t deserve you,” he whispers before shakily getting to his feet and clutching you tight, his hands frame your face and he pulls you close getting lost in the kiss, “I love you...so fucking much,” he whispers putting his forehead against your own. “I love you too. I’m so glad your home… I mean the guys have been great but I’m excited to go shopping for baby stuff with you, attend my doctor appointments together, and have you bring me platefuls of watermelon.” 

He laughs pulling back, “Watermelon? Is that what you’ve been craving?” 

“Oh god yes, even talking about it makes my mouth water.” 

“If that is what you want Querida, then you can have as much as you desire,” he kisses you again. 

A cough sounds from behind and you turn to see Frankie smiling at you.  Santi reaches out to give him a slap on the back, the two conversing in Spanish. You hold your hand out and Santi latches on, never letting go as you make your way through the terminal and out to the truck. 

The world passes by in a kaleidoscope of color as Frankie drives you both home. Arriving, you thank him before leading Santi by the hand and into the house. When the door is latched behind you, he presses you into the door gently. Every touch, every caress, left you breathless. His lips warm and wet against your own. When you take a breath his tongue snakes inside and he drags you from the door, striping each other, leaving a trail of clothes to the bedroom. 

After you’ve been thoroughly fucked and your wrapped up in Santiago’s strong arms, legs intertwined together, and he’s rubbing your belly do you finally relax. Sighing into his chest, and kissing it lightly. “Your really happy about the baby?” you whisper, breaking the comfortable silence that had settled between you. 

His grip around you tightens, “I promise you, I am very happy about the baby. You made me a daddy Querida. I love you...so much.” 

You sigh, “I love you too.” 

3 months later 

Eight months of pregnancy has flown by. After Santi got home from Columbia he took over doing everything. Attending your appointments together, buying and building things for the nursery, and bringing you platefuls of watermelon at all times of the day and night. Santiago takes the roll of daddy very seriously. All of those year in the military have come into play the last few months as he has transformed your house into a fortress. God help anyone that tries to hurt you or your unborn daughter. 

It started small with a few extra cameras on the perimeter, then installing a new indoor security system. A new fence was put up around the pool two months ago, and most recently the baby monitors set up throughout the house. He was beginning to drive you a little insane and you honestly just wanted him to lay off a bit. The perfect opportunity arose one fateful morning during breakfast. 

“So I’ve been thinking Querida, how do you feel about putting carpet on the floor of the nursery?” 

Part 2: Carpet (If you haven’t read it, check it out!)

Day 15: Just Walk Away- Ezra (Prospect) 

[peralta-guaranteed]

ok ok i have a random headcanon prompt!! what about amy really really wanting for breastfeeding to work because everyone says it's the best including her family giving her all the pressure but it turns out it just doesn't work for them.. how would she handle it

(oh noo 😭 that thought makes me so sad... They fought so hard for bébé I want Amy to have the newborn experience she dreamed of having! But it's pretty realistic...)

Going home from a doctor's visit has never really had a positive connection for Jake, to be honest, and their many saddening appointments during their trying phase did not help with that. (Of course he went along to all of them, even if they sometimes only needed Amy there. They were in this together, after all.)

This latest one really is not much better. It's another one where he wasn't actively needed - but he's glad he tagged along. If only to be the designated driver and babywrangler while Amy sat with the consultant. She'd had problems with breastfeeding, which the books said would be pretty normal for a first time mom, but she'd still wanted the opinion of an expert.

Well, she'd gotten that opinion now, and it really wasnt an uplifting one.

"You don't seem to have enough milkflow for the baby to really learn how to feed. We can prescribe supplements, and there are a lot of home remedies to increase flow, but it might not change anything. I'd advise getting the baby used to formula as well, to be on the safe side."

Amy looked so forlorn in the backseat, playing with Mac's perfect little foot to keep him entertained during the drive home. She hadn't really said anything ever since they left the doctor's office, and neither had Jake. He didn't feel like he was in any position to add something of worth to that particular topic, anyway.

She only spoke up once they were back home, Mac already asleep from that exciting venture outside of the apartment he'd called his homebase for the past two weeks.

"I can't believe my body is failing at this whole motherhood thing again." She laments. "It's really just not meant to be, is it?"

"Hey, don't say that." Jake pulls her into a hug that she only half returns. "Your body did an amazing job growing Mac so perfectly and bringing him into the world."

"I just... Maybe it's old fashioned or archaic, but I really wanted to breastfeed. It's important."

Jake isn't sure if that's really 100% true, but he's not going to question a woman about what her body is supposed to be doing, least of all his wife. So he does what he does best instead - looks for the silver lining.

"Hey, the doc said there's stuff that can help. We got those hormon supplements. I'm gonna buy every damn thing that has fenugreek in it tomorrow, and those teas and stuff too. We'll make it work."

"But what if it doesn't? Mac's already not latching right, and he needs to feed so much more than he does, and it's going to make him sick and-"

"He's devouring the special newborn formula they gave us at the hospital like it's orange soda or something. He's not going to starve, babe. We'll get him used to normal formula when it's time, too."

"Okay." Amy sighs again, leaning out of the hug and staring towards the nursery door, where Mac is snoring away and will probably wake up hungry soon enough, screaming for... Well, either the boob or his bottle, whichever works. Jake still has a hard time really understanding what's so bad about formula milk - if it exists as an option, it can't be that bad?

"My mum always said 'breast is best'..." Amy almost answers his unspoken question while she slumps onto the couch.

"I know you like those kind of mnemonics, but just because it rhymes doesn't make it true." He gets an appreciative glance at the fact that he remembered the word mnemonic, but its still not enough to make Amy smile again. "In the end, I think whatever keeps our little boy healthy and happy is what's best. Not what your mom or anyone else says."

Amy nods, still staring sadly into nothing. Jake sits down next to her, grips her knee and gives it a soft squeeze and a supportive smile as she leans back into him, her head on his shoulder like she so often does to steady herself.

"You're right, I know you are. I can just already hear the whole clan telling me off for 'not doing it right'. Like they did with all the pregnancy stuff already."

He hums, his hand sliding from her knee to her thigh and rubbing there gently.

"Remember what I did when they started that, though?"

At that, Amy stifles a little giggle.

"I remember some very long rants from you and debates in group chats. And once during family dinner. Didn't you tell my brother that unless he gets pregnant himself, he really shouldn't have an opinion on what my uterus does or how I handle it?" She vividly remembers the little gasp her usually so stoic dad did at Jake's very medically-informed word usage. He definitely got some good kisses as a reward for that.

"Yeah." Jake nods. "So if they start again, I'm just gonna double down on that."

She kisses his cheek, finally smiling just a little bit.

"My knight in shining armour." She quips, but there's hint of true appreciation in the joke.

"Anything for you, babe." He grins back. "And for Mac, too, of course."

The aforementioned seems to have heard his name, because there's a very obvious whine from the half open nursery door, which they know is going to evolve into a cry any second. Jake pats Amy's thigh to tell her to stay while he's already getting up.

"We're gonna work it out one way or the other, babe. And if nothing works - look at the bright side: that just means I can take over all night duties if need be. I know how to warm a bottle now, after all."

Amy smiles properly as she watches him walk away and then re-emerge with a only snuffling, not crying infant against his chest. She really couldn't have asked for a better father to her children, she thinks as he still hands Mac over with "Wanna give it a try anyway? “ and she nods.

They're gonna try. It worked itself out the last time, too. Whatever it takes.

[cicinicole-14]

denial isn’t just a river in egypt!

so listen, nina (@doc-pickles) got an ask on tumblr about jo being pregnant and in denial about it and Alex comes back and sees her etc and we’d talked about it forever ago and then it was brought up again and I just had so much inspiration for it so bam here we go.

also my original plan for this fic flew completely out the window and somehow this happened instead so like, good luck, hope yall enjoy!

This was not how this was supposed to happen. This was not how her life was supposed to go.

She was supposed to take the test, find out it was positive, happily get to surprise her husband that they would be having a baby, or be standing right next to him as they both read the results as a happily married couple.

Not like this…

Not by herself in the dirty gas station bathroom because she was too terrified that Schmidt would find the test in the loft bathroom, or too many people could find out if she ran a blood test at the hospital.

So she’d run into the dimly lit gas station bathroom, just like she’d done last time she was pregnant, having a sickening feeling of deja vu as she waited for the results, honestly not sure why she was even bothering because she knew what the test was going to read…

Sure enough, three minutes later when the alarm on her phone pulls her out of her zoned out daze, there are two very prominent pink lines staring back up at her from the little stick. She tosses it into the trash and washes her hands, careful not to touch much of the bathroom to get out as clean as possible before pulling her mask back over her nose and mouth and exiting the dingey gas station.

Before she can even make it back to her car, she hurries to the trash bin posted out front of the convenient store and hovers over it, pulling her mask down and holding her hair out of her face before she’s heaving the contents of her stomach into the bin below her, trying not to touch the gross can.

This was nowhere close to how this was supposed to happen.

She sits in the waiting room of the clinic the next morning, her eyes scanning over the two visibly pregnant women each in a chair and a girl who couldn’t be older than twenty-one, sitting across from her, bouncing her leg nervously and scrolling on her phone. Jo picks at the hangnail on her thumb, watching as it reddened until it started to bleed before her name was called.

Her head lifts up and she stands, following the assistant back, confirming her legal name, date of birth and reason for the visit, before following directions and sitting on the exam table, waiting for her to leave before she changes into the paper gown.

She’s been through this before. She remembers the routine. Her doctor returns to the room once she’s gowned in the itchy paper and seated back on the exam table with her legs in the stirrups. She doesn’t pay enough attention to listen to what her doctor is saying, but there’s the procedural task of having the transvaginal exam and before long she’s doing everything she can to tune out the fluttering heartbeat echoing through the tiny exam room to confirm she was indeed pregnant.

It makes her feel nauseous.

She didn’t want it to be this way. She didn’t want this to happen like this. When had it all gone so wrong?

She swallows the bile back down and before long her doctor is informing her she needs to make another follow up appointment to schedule her procedure.

Jo nods in confirmation before the doctor is leaving and she’s left to change back into her own clothes, mind still in a complete blur.

She doesn’t remember much of walking back to the front of the clinic and scheduling her follow up appointment, but there’s a reminder card in her hand she clips to the visor in her car as she makes her way back to the loft, wanting to just sleep the rest of the day, week, month away…

“Are you calling in sick to work today again?”

She doesn’t give Levi a clear answer, just a groan, before rolling over back under the comforter.

“Because it’s raining and I was hoping I could bum a ride from you.” He continues on.

She turns to face him, glaringly. Not happy that he was disturbing her. “You can take my car but if there’s so much as a scratch on my baby, I’ll eat you alive.” She growls, tossing him her keys.

“Noted.” He acknowledges.

“And tell Bailey I’ll be back next week. I just… I need some more time.” She says softly.

He nods, sliding open the loft door and exiting.

And Jo barely waits for it to close before she’s bolting out of bed to the bathroom, curling over the toilet and emptying the contents of her stomach into it. She hopes Schmidt was far enough away to have not heard her puking her guts out. She didn’t need him to know.

Her hope is short lived though, by the time Levi walks in the loft late that evening, nudging her out of her slumber with a small card in one hand and a bag of food in the other.

“Jo?” He whispers timidly. He feels bad waking her up, but he knows she’s slept all day and probably hadn’t eaten. “I brought cheeseburgers and fries.” He said, holding up the bag on display.

And it doesn’t take a moment before she’s lurching out of bed, pushing him out of the way before she’s hurdling into the tiny bathroom again to throw up at just the smell.

“I’m sorry!” He repeats profusely, apologizing. “I didn’t know you were actually sick, are you okay?” She shakes her head, not wanting him to worry.

“I’m fine. Just, can you take the onions away from me?” He nods, tearing open the sandwich he’d gotten for her and picked off the onions, tossing them into the trash.

She thanks him before sitting down on a barstool now, sipping water to help quell her stomach before reaching for one of the greasy french fries in the bag and dipping it in ketchup. And then her eyes land on the appointment card she’d forgotten about from her car.

“I left your keys on the end table near your purse and put gas in your car. Thank you again for letting me take your car. Happy to report, zero scratches on her. Tip top shape.”

She makes a humming noise, confirming that she heard him, but her eyes are still glued to the card sitting next to their burger bag.

“I uh- I found that on your visor. I didn’t know–” “I’m not.” She cuts him off before pushing herself back from the stool and throwing her food away, barely having touched it, and crawling back into bed.

“Okay.” Levi says quietly, understanding she didn’t want to talk about it at the moment, so he drops the subject, continuing eating his food as Jo rolled over in bed, covering her body with the duvet.

She adjusts the PPE gear over her clothes and ducks into Meredith’s room on the ICU floor, taking a seat in the chair next to her.

She opens her mouth to speak but nothing comes out yet. So she pauses, wiping her sweaty palms over her thighs before letting them rest.

Her phone rings, startling her, and she looks at the caller ID, seeing the clinic’s number flashing on the screen probably calling her to tell her she’s late for her appointment that she didn’t plan on showing up to.

“I’m not supposed to be here right now. I’m supposed to be somewhere else.” She says, quietly. She doesn’t even know if Meredith could hear her, but she just needed to talk to someone, someone who wouldn’t look back at her with pity or disappointment making her feel guilty.

“I’m supposed to be sitting on an exam table right now on the other side of town as they made this all go away, but instead I’m sitting here with you and I don’t even know if you can hear me.”

She swallows back the lump in her throat, determined not to cry.

“It’s been twelve and a half weeks since I’ve last seen him, you know?” She takes a shaky breath, moving to the edge of her chair and resting her forearms on Meredith’s bed. “And twelve weeks and two days since we were last together. And I know that, because instead of sitting on that stupid exam table making this all go away, I’m choosing to hold on to the only piece I have left of him, because I can’t do it, Meredith. I can’t do this. I can’t do this without him, I don’t want to. He’s supposed to be here. We were supposed to be a family together. We didn’t tell anyone yet, but we’d just decided to start trying and then he left me. And I thought I couldn’t feel more broken until those two pink lines showed up last week and I felt like my world was caving in on me. Everything is falling apart and I don’t know what to do. I don’t want this, but I can’t, I can’t just undo it now, can I?”

She knows she’s not going to get an answer, but it doesn’t matter because her mind’s already made up.

She slides back into the chair and lets her hands rest back on her thighs as she sits in silence, just listening to the ventilator breathe for her friend.

U awake?

No

Can i come over?

Sure

Is everything okay?

Honestly, she doesn’t know what she’s doing, standing at Jackson’s apartment door at almost eleven at night. They hadn’t had sex again in weeks, since before she’d…and she hadn’t even been to work all week either.

It didn’t matter though. She was fine. She was returning to work the day after tomorrow and no one even knew except for Schmidt, who she knew assumed she went to the appointment anyway. What he didn’t know wouldn’t kill him. It was all going to be fine.

What she didn’t assume was the fact that Jackson had peeled her shirt off after a heated make out session and his hands landed on the swelling bump she didn’t realize was there.

She’s a doctor, and she knew post-second trimester, changes happen and bumps form, but she pushed that all to the back of her mind. She ignored it. And apparently hadn’t noticed it while getting dressed today.

But Jackson pulls back from the kiss, furrowing his brow, hand still on her bare stomach for a moment before Jo begins pulling away and grabbing for her shirt off the back of the couch.

“I’m not… It’s not, it’s not yours.” She rushes out, pulling her shirt back on.

Jackson laughs dryly for a moment. “Yeah I’d hope not, you look a bit further along that we’ve been sleeping together, unless you’re having twins. You’re not having twins, are you?”

“I’m not having a baby.” she says sternly and Jackson takes a moment to scratch at the stubble on his chin, clearly confused before Jo continues. “This wasn’t how things were supposed to happen. I’m not having a baby.” She repeats, firmly, before gathering her phone off the coffee table and picking up her purse, heading for the door.

“Jo, wait, hey.” He tries, trying to stop her. “We don’t have to talk about it.” He reassures.

She hesitates, her hand holding the door open, still ready to leave, but she lets it slip, and it shuts quietly.

“Just, have you been checked out by someone? Carina? Anyone?”

She doesn’t give him an answer, just the soft click of the door as she opens it back up and walks out.

She’s been back at work the past month, thankfully able to avoid most people by sticking to the maternity ward, focusing on switching her specialty. Though she didn’t know what was worse, being nagged by friends who knew and trying to dodge them or being haunted by the multitude of patients she was helping deliver.

Jumping back and forth between the COVID ICU ward and the maternity ward, she knew she’d run into Link eventually. She’d managed her very best to avoid him at all costs. It was easy for the first week she’d returned, since he was still on paternity leave with Scout and helping take care of Meredith’s kids too, but then he’d returned to help out with the influx of new cases and she’d been asked to be transferred to OB, shadowing Carina until her luck had run out and he’d all but chased her down cornering her and pulling her into an empty on-call room.

“You’re avoiding me.”

“I have patients.”

“Jackson called me to tell me he was worried about you. And even Schmidt had said you hadn’t been to the loft in a while. Are you okay?” He asks, and she wants nothing more than to melt into his arms in a bear hug, but she knows if she does that, she’ll lose all control and she’s barely holding on by threads.

“I’m fine.” She says coldly.

“You’re not fine. You’re like eighteen weeks pregnant, based on when Alex was last here.”

“I’m not having a baby.” She says before turning on her heel and storming out of the on-call room, slamming the door on her way out.

“Denial isn’t just a river in Egypt!” She hears him shout from the other side of the door. She rolls her eyes, stomping away like an irritated child.

“Wilson! Stop slamming doors in my hospital and lend a hand please. We have an MVC in the pit.” Bailey shouts to her.

Jo’s happy to have her mind be taken off of the conversation she’d just had before following after her boss.

“He’s going to need an x-ray to check for spinal injuries and run an EKG and full work up. Hurry!” Jo barks out orders, jumping into action and giving the gurney a shove in the correct direction before Bailey’s standing in front of her, blocking their way. “I need to get him to x-ray before we take him into surgery, Bailey, move.”

“No you don’t. An intern can take him to x-ray, you are not going there.”

Jo just begrudgingly lets go of the gurney, watching as two interns and a third year resident start wheeling their patient away.

She watches as Bailey’s stern face falters and her eyes soften into something along the lines of almost motherly, and it makes Jo almost want to break down right then and there, but she bites down on her bottom lip, forcing herself not to start crying before Bailey’s reaching out her hand for her to take.

So she does, and Bailey leads her away from the loud emergency room and together they walk up to the imaging room to wait for the x-rays to be ready.

“Are you doing okay?” Bailey treads carefully. She’s the chief of this hospital. She was taught how to be all-knowing. And the shock that flashes across Jo’s face that she knew, she figured was surprising. “I am the chief of this hospital, of course I know what’s going on with my surgeons.” She tells her and Jo looks away.

She just sighs softly.

“It wasn’t supposed to be like this.”

Bailey doesn’t get a chance to reply before the images from the x-ray are up and Jo’s immediately rushing out of the room, headed for her patient. Bailey just sighs, following after her to assist with the surgery.

She’s not prepared for the sudden force of a pull in the opposite direction, almost tripping and stumbling over her feet as the brunette is leading her into an open exam room.

And before she can even question her or start to speak, Amelia’s opening her mouth to speak, cutting her off.

“I know I am the last person to probably be forcing you into doing this, but it’s happening anyway. Link has not shut up about how worried he is about you the past month and I’m tired of it so I’m giving him answers without violating HIPA. So lay back and pull up your shirt, this will be cold.”  She said, shaking the bottle of gel as she wheeled the ultrasound machine closer to the two of them in the room.

Jo obliged, slowly, pulling her shirt up under her breasts and loosening her scrub pants a bit so Amelia could perform her exam.

Her bump was big now, and she’d already had to move up a couple sizes in her scrubs, but she still refused to acknowledge the life that was so rapidly growing within her.

“I was twenty weeks along before I let my sister-in-law force me into having an ultrasound thus leading to finding out my baby had no brain. A baby I had been in denial about because his father had overdosed next to me in bed.” Amelia says softly as she moves the wand around on Jo’s abdomen. “Alex was the first person I told that story to, fully.”

Jo doesn’t speak for a moment, taking in the words Amelia had just spoken, her eyes avoiding the screen at all costs as she looks in the complete opposite direction.

“I didn’t know you had a baby before Scout.” She finally replies softly.

Amelia pauses her movements and looks at Jo with a small smile. “Not many people do. His name was Christopher, and he had anencephaly. He lived for forty-three minutes before he got to donate all his organs and help others in need.” She says, trying not to cry herself.

By this time, Jo had turned to face her, and had given her a look of sorrow, of apology.

“Moving on, this baby you aren’t having is a good size, ten fingers, ten toes, has a brain. They look really healthy for twenty-two weeks, okay?” Amelia reassures her, wiping off the gel from Jo’s stomach. “I know we aren’t close, but I love Link and I know he’s really worried about you, so for all of our sakes, can I check up on you once a month for the rest of this?” She asks cautiously. “Just a few minutes out of every month to make sure everything is okay and then we can go back to ignoring it and being in denial together? You’ll be glad you have the peace of mind later on down the line.” She says.

Jo pulls her scrub top down slowly, nodding. “Sure.” she says quietly. “Just once a month, for a few minutes. Just us.” She says and Amelia nods, promising.

“For what it’s worth, I think you’d be a great mom. Scout loves you and I know he’d love to have a cousin to grow up with.” Amelia knows she’s said too much by the way Jo flinches at the comment, but she doesn’t run, like Link had told her Jo did to him. So maybe it was a step in the right direction. A baby step.

“It just wasn’t supposed to happen like this…” Jo replies softly, adjusting her scrub top over herself properly. Amelia nods, understanding it completely, giving Jo’s hand a squeeze.

True to her word, Jo’d let Amelia perform an ultrasound on her the following months, for just a few minutes each time, checking to make sure everything was okay. Jo refused to listen to anything about the baby, and didn’t want to know, just made sure Amelia noted everything down in her file. If it pleased everyone else, she was fine with that.

She still refused to believe any of this was even happening. No changes had been made to her home, nothing had been bought, nothing prepared. She didn’t want to even think about doing this without him, not for a minute. Surely, she could’ve called him. Anytime in the past seven months, she could have picked up the phone and dialled his number waiting for him to answer. But every time she picked up the phone to do just that, she was reminded of the fact that he’d left her. He’d done the one thing he promised to never do, and he’d abandoned her. And she was left so utterly broken by it. She was left broken and falling apart to try and do this by herself, something she didn’t want to do. Something she shouldn’t have to do, because he should’ve been here, holding her hand through this all, hovering over her so much she’d threaten to smack him or something. But he wasn’t.

Which was why she refused to believe that the wave of pain that contracted through her abdomen was anything other than a braxton hicks contraction. She was well on her way to becoming an OB, she’d been delivering babies daily. She knew what active labor looked like, and she refused to believe this was it.

Not until she felt a small release of pressure and then free falling fluid between her legs while she was headed to check on one of her own laboring mothers. This was not supposed to be happening right now.

She ignored it, ducking into an empty on call room, making sure to page someone else to cover her patients, letting them know she was unavailable before sitting down on a chair in the on call room, trying to force herself to breathe through the contraction just as she instructed her patients to do.

Tears well up and spill from her eyes, gracing her cheeks as she paces the tiny on call room, trying to keep herself from spiralling into a panic attack. She’s slowly losing her resolve as another contraction flutters through her body and she knows she’s progressing quickly but she hates that she’s stuck doing this alone.

And then the panic is settling in further as she realizes she really hasn’t prepared for any of this. Sure, she’d cut out alcohol from her diet, and was mindful of the things she could and couldn’t eat, but other than that, nothing else. She’d not so much had even bought a pack of diapers for this baby she was really just acknowledging she was pregnant with, while in now-active labor.

Im having a baby

Uh, yeah?

I know I wasn’t conscious for a lot of your pregnancy but you’re having a baby Jo

I mean right now

OH!

Okay have you been admitted?

I’ll be there soon!

I cant do this without him, Mer

I dont want to

She didn’t want to do any of this without him.

She hesitates, pulling up her contacts in her phone and hovers over his name. She should call. He deserves to know. But then another wave of a contraction courses through her and she’s doubling over, trying to breathe through it before the on call room door is swinging open and Carina is standing there with a look on her face.

“Meredith called to ask what room you were in since you were having a baby but I was the one shocked to find out that my fellow was in labor and had failed to tell me. Jo, come on, let's get you settled in a room.” Her accent, thick as she helped guide Jo out of the on call room and to a maternity room.

Carina guides her slowly into a room, helping get her settled and hooking her up to the various monitors before promising to be back to check on her soon and leaving her be.

Jo doesn’t know how long it had been, but she wakes up to the frantic beeping of monitors and Carina running into her room. She’s confused at what’s happening, but she hears her heartbeat echoing in her ears. She’s crying, she can feel her tears running down her cheeks, and she can’t hear herself, but she knows she’s screaming, screaming for him, screaming she can’t do this without him.

Before long she’s being wheeled out of her room and somehow into the OR where Carina has returned, hovering over her with a scrub cap on, smiling at her reassuringly. She thinks she remembers hearing her say everything would be okay but she isn’t sure, and then everything is hazy.

Until she feels someone standing next to her, and she looks over, and he’s standing next to her, holding her hand as she blinked back tears, trying to remember to breathe.

Alex was here. He was right here, next to her, holding her hand as Carina was performing a c-section on her and delivering their bundle of joy. He was here, squeezing her hand, telling her she could do this, that she did do this, she’s got this. That she is so strong. He’s blurry between her tears, and everything is hazy, everything is loud, everything is painful and scary and then she can hear the distinct sound of cries, filling the OR. And she’s turning her head to look over the sheet that’s separating her from her open abdomen, and Carina’s standing over her, holding up a squirming, screaming baby in her hands before she’s passing the baby off to another member of the delivery team and Jo’s eyes follow the baby for a second before landing on the man standing next to her again.

“Hey, you did it!” He smiles and she furrows her brow at him, his blue eyes staring back at her.

“Link?” She manages to whisper through her confusion, wondering where Alex had gone. But then she hears the baby start screaming again, and realizes he’s probably gone to check on their child and she focuses on trying to stay awake, but her heart rate drops and then everything is going black.

She wakes to the soft noises of shuffling around her room and Carina greeting her with a small smile, scooping up a wrapped bundle from the plastic bassinet, walking over to the side of her bed. “Ciao, Mama. You have one very handsome little bambino.” She greets, handing the newborn over to Jo.

Jo stares down at her little one, smiling down at him as she realizes just how much of Alex she truly sees in him.

“Where’s Alex? Is he just catching up with Meredith?” She questions, not looking up from staring at her child.

Carina freezes, not sure how to approach the topic but finally settles on a plausible answer. “I don’t know where he is.”

Jo just shrugs, still in a trance, staring at her son. She was in heaven.

And then she was in hell, when she realizes that Alex had never been there in the first place, that when Meredith had shown up to drive her back to the loft after being in the hospital for two days after her c-section, she was truly doing this alone, just like she’d done the entire time.

He wasn’t there. He hadn’t been there to see the birth of their son. He hadn’t been there, encouraging her as she was delivering their child. He wasn’t there bringing them home, like he should’ve been. He hadn’t even known she had their baby. And she was truly alone.

It was sinking in as Meredith had explained to her on the drive back to the loft, that baby Luca had been in such distress and showing D-cells when Carina had taken her up to the OR for an emergency c-section and Link had been with her the whole time. That he was struggling and his cord had prolapsed and then her own heart rate had spiked because of the onset panic and her own body was in distress through the surgery, but ultimately Carina had made sure she was going to be there to raise her son.

It hurt her. It hurt to know that she’d been in such a haze, hallucinating the entire time of Alex having been there. It hurt to know that instead of him driving them home, it was Meredith. It hurt to know that again, she was going to be doing this alone.

Meredith helps walk her up the stairs to the loft, carrying Luca’s carrier in her hand as Jo follows behind her, meeting up with Meredith at the top of the landing before unlocking the door and sliding it open.

“Before you say anything, this was why I wasn’t there holding your hand, too.” Meredith explains, setting the baby carrier on the bed and Jo looks up, her eyes widening in surprise.

“Alex.”

[barbarasbae]

Even in Hawkins- Nerves

Part 15 of Even in Hawkins 

Word Count: 2.5k

Warnings: hospitals, call back/mentions of miscarraige, healing, Neil makes an appearance, complicated feelings are had ( they’re starting to figure their dynamics out)

Hi welcome to the literal 8th version of this chapter that I’ve written in the past...4 months? Finally finally happy with the final product. 

Billy was in the hospital for 5 more days, Max and Steve helping him practice walking. Y/n would help, but Max felt she needed to do it and Steve was stronger than Y/n, so it was probably for the best. “You’re doing great, Billy.” She called, the group turning around. His face was pink. “Do you need to slow down?” Max asked, concerned. “M’ fine.” He walked back to the room, Max trading her spot with Y/n. “Oof! Forgot how heavy you are.” She teased, Billy nipping her ear. She giggled, nudging him back. They helped him back in bed, the nurse on duty coming in to check on his stitches. Steve squeezed Y/n’s shoulder, bumping his nose against her ear. “You okay?”

“Yeah..just..nervous.” She admitted. “Why?”

“Just about..stuff. Like stitches and stairs.” She sat next to Billy, looking at the clock. Visiting hours were almost over. “Can you stay tonight?” Billy asked quietly, looking at his lap. “Sure. Something wrong?”

He shrugged, a mild pout on his face. She leaned in, Max and Steve starting to chatter about something. “It’s okay to be nervous.” She promised in a whisper, pressing her cheek against his, feeling heat flood his cheeks at the contact. “You embarrassed, silly?”

He grumbled, Y/n smiling. “Hey, do you think you two could give us a moment alone?” Y/n asked Max and Steve, nudging Billy. Both looking reluctant. “I’m really hungry actually. Could you go get me a sandwich or something?” Billy asked, taking the hint. The pair walked out, Steve looking a little flushed. Billy reached over, grabbing her closest hand.  Y/n rested her chin on his shoulder, poking his cheek with her nose. She felt the alpha let out a shuddering breath, laying back into the pillows. “Hey, it’s okay. We’re okay.” He whimpered, turning his head. “I can’t-all those people. How can I just go home and act like nothing happened?” He asked in a whisper. Y/n was quiet. How can you? 

“I don’t know, B. I guess you’ll just have to try to live your best or something like that?” That made his mouth quirk in a little smile. “Or something.” His voice was small. Y/n found Billy was turning more and more inward, getting quieter and quieter. Very similar to how he was when he first woke up. This wouldn’t do, of course. The omega in Y/n was practically screaming for her to fix it. 

“Bill?”

“Hm?”

“Love you.” She told him softly, the blond giving her a brilliant smile. “Love you too.” She leaned back into him, Billy pulling her back into a hug, her nose pressed back into his hair. Billy pressed his nose into her scent gland, letting out a long sigh. 

“Can’t wait to scent you how I actually want to.” She murmured, feeling the tip of Billy’s nose rubbing along the curve of her neck and became extremely aware that the doctor was coming into the room. She pulled back gently. “No-” He whined, following her. 

“As much as I’m enjoying it, we have an audience.” She cooed, kissing him and helping him lay down. She sat next to him in a chair, a nurse walking over to check his vitals. Billy grabbed for her hand, the heart monitor speeding up. Y/n rubbed the inside of his palm, not wanting Billy to strain against his IV. 

“Hey William. How are you feeling today?” He shrugged. “Well, that’s better than a grunt I suppose.” The nurse took his temperature, Dr. Owens flipping through the file. “You walked earlier today?” 

“Yeah.”

“Good. I figured we’d discuss some of what you’ll need to do during recovery so check out on Friday can go faster.”

“I get to go home?” Dr. Owens nodded. “I have a list I’ll hand off to you but for now I’ll read you the most important ones. No getting stitches wet for at least another three weeks. You have to quit smoking. We can’t risk it with your weak lungs. No lifting anything heavy for at least 8 weeks and no driving heavy machinery for another 2. I want you to come see me once a week for therapy and at least another session once a week for physical therapy after your 8 weeks is up.” 

“Okay.” Billy’s voice was small. “This isn’t necessary, but I am going to recommend cutting your hair. 

“Doc, you gotta leave me with something.”

“Unless you have someone do it for you, because you strike me as someone who takes care of it, I recommend cutting it so you don’t have to worry about lifting your arms above your shoulder. Easy way to rip stitches.” Billy was getting upset. “We’ll figure something out.” Y/n promised, trying to reassure him. “Sandra here will tell you how to take care of your stitches. I’ll see you in the morning. Call if you need anything.”

“Would it be alright for me to stay here overnight?” The nurse nodded, going to get a special form for her. Steve and Max finally came back, passing out sandwiches. “You need me to get you anything?” The other omega asked before leaning his weight on the bed, eyes darting back and forth between the couple in front of him. “I think I’m okay for now. I’ll just go home in the morning for new clothes and stuff probably. You need anything, B?”

 “I’m good.” Steve handed Billy his sandwich, looking pleased with himself when the alpha took a bite. “Would it be alright if I hug you before I leave?” Steve asked, more so looking at Y/n then he was Billy. “Yeah. That would be nice.” The blond smiled. The older omega squeezed in tight, the slight scenting not going unnoticed by Y/n. “I feel like I need a hug as well.” She teased, scenting Steve as well, a little chirp escaping her at the wonderfully safe, warm and familiar scent of Steve. “Well now I’m a little jealous.” Billy teased, the omegas laughing. “Ready Max?”

“I don’t wanna goooo.” She whined, dragging herself over to the cot. “Love you Billy.” She mumbled, embracing him in a way that was less a hug and more max wilting into him. “Love you too, shitbird.” She stuck her tongue out, Steve having to drag her away. 

Y/n turned the tv on, the pair inhaling turkey sandwiches from the cafeteria. 

She felt Billy’s eyes on her, the omega leaning closer. “Penny for your thoughts?” 

“Did you ever go to the hospital after, you know?” 

“What?”

“The baby?” Billy whispered and suddenly the only noise in the room was the tv. “Oh.”

“...”

“Yeah, I did. That’s the only reason I knew it was...a miscarraige.” She told him softly, the alpha reaching for her hand. “I could have gone with you.” She shook her head. “It was just me and my mom. I was so scared, I wasn’t even thinking about trying to tell anyone else.” 

“I’m sorry.” He squeezed her hand, Y/n wiping at her face. “I didn’t mean to make you upset.”

“No I’m fine.”

“Don’t lie, Y/n.”

“I’m not. Promise,”

She slept curled in the recliner, waking up every time a nurse came to check on Billy.  Everyone continued to visit him throughout the week, the alpha forgetting to mention his impending release coming up. 

The morning of Billy’s last day in the hospital, Billy received a 5 page pamphlet of instructions as well as a non-disclosure agreement. Dr. Owens mentioned he should be getting a check in the mail in a few weeks and that he needed to come back Tuesday for his first physical therapy appointment. Then he was free to go. 

“Well, first day free. What do you want to do?” She asked the blond as they got on the road. “I want a burger.” 

“Okay, greasy burger coming up. It okay if we make a few more stops after?” He nodded, playing with one of the strings on his hoodie. 

 She pulled into the video store parking lot, Billy following behind her, tugging his sleeves down. She reached for his hand, the blond eagerly taking it. “Y/n?” Steve called from the counter, Robin flipping through a comic book. They came over. “Holy shit. Billy! Hey man!” He came around the counter and hugged the alpha, Billy hugging back tightly. Steve tried to be subtle about scenting him but failed pretty spectacularly, causing the other omega to laugh. Steve smiled sheepishly, blushing when Billy buried his face in Steve’s neck. “You’re not the only ones here, dinguses.” Robin chided, Steve yanking away. “I think I should get a hug too.” Y/n teased, Steve throwing his arms around her. “This okay?” He asked quietly, nosing at her scent gland.  “Oh-uh. y-yeah. Yeah it’s okay.” She hugged back tightly. “So what brings you here?”

“Movies.”

“Oh, right.” Steve laughed, rubbing a hand over the back of his neck. He hopped back over the counter, Robin rolling her eyes. Billy meandered, grabbing a couple movies. “Okay, that’s gonna be $4.79.” Steve chirped, smiling up at Billy. Y/n handed off a 5. “I don’t want any change.”

“Hold on.” He grabbed a couple candy bars. “$5 solid.” 

“Thanks, Stevie.” Billy piped up, reaching for Y/n’s hand. “No problem.”

“Steven, you’re drooling.” Robin sighed, closing the comic. “I am not!” 

Y/n smiled. “Wanna come over for movies tomorrow?” 

“Oh, sure.”

“Cool. It’s a date.” Y/n winked, Steve turning pink. “Later, pretty boy.” Billy threw in a wink of his own, Robin cackling as they turned to leave. “Dingus, get off the floor.” Y/n and Billy giggled, the former pulling the blond alpha outside. After getting snacks, Y/n started toward his house to let Billy rest. They pulled into his driveway, Billy looking tense. “Want me to walk you to the door?” He shook his head. “It’s okay. I’ll call you after dinner if I can come over?” She nodded. “Love you, B.” She leaned over, nuzzling the alpha’s scent gland. He let out an involuntary purr. “Okay, get off of me. Won’t ever get home.” He teased, kissing her forehead. She waved as he walked up the pavement, driving off. 

Max opened the door after he knocked on it, stunned. “B-billy?!” 

“Hi Max.” 

She threw her arms around him, crying. He put the box down and hugged her back, Max not letting him go for a good 5 minutes. Neil watched them, not saying anything yet. Susan pulled him into a tight hug, saying she had been so worried about him. Max followed him into his room, asking question after question. “Maxine! Let him breathe.” Neil called. “It’s okay.” Billy said to her. She nodded and scooted into her room, Billy laying down on his bed. Neil came in, Billy sitting up in a panic. “Come to the kitchen.” He did, cautious. His body still hurt so much, he wasn’t ready for what pain might be coming. Susan set a plate of food in front of him. Neil pat his shoulder (a little too hard, mind you), squeezing in a way that made Billy straighten his spine in response. “We were so worried, Billy.” Neil said, voice...quiet? 

Susan nodded. “What did the doctors say?”

“Oh, I don’t remember everything but I have some instructions. I have to do some physical therapy and they had to do surgery on my lungs. Ma’am.” 

“MAXINE!”

“WHAT?!” 

“GET YOUR BROTHERS PAPERS FROM THE HOSPITAL.” 

She brought them in, Billy slowly eating the soup in front of him. Billy saw his father’s eyes go wide. “Don’t worry. The guys who own the mall are paying for everything. They don’t want us to sue them.” He repeated the lie Dr. Owens had instructed him to tell. Neil patted him on the shoulder. “Well, I’m glad you’re okay. And if they don’t pay for all of it I’m gonna sue them for all their worth.” Billy nodded. And then he was left alone. Well, sorta. Susan wouldn’t stop staring at him as he walked from the kitchen to the bathroom to his bedroom. He flipped through the pages Dr. Owens had given, grimacing at the appointment list. He was just tired. And the thought of having to do all that was exhausting. “Billy?”

“Hm?”

“I-mom got you something.” He got up, grunting. “Can I come in?”

“Yeah.” She had a phone in her hands. “They said I can connect it for you in here, if you want?”

“Sure, Max.” He sighed, rubbing a hand over his face. “Or not…”

“No, it’s okay. I’m just tired.” She nodded. “Can I put it here?” He nodded, laying back down. “Thanks, Max.” 

“Call your girlfriend.” She poked his arm. He smiled. “You’re not gonna be using this to call you know who lets get that straight now.” She huffed but didn’t yell at him. He called Y/n after his door was shut. 

“Hey baby.” He smiled, speaking to her softly. “Hi. Do you wanna come over?”

“Can I bring Max?”

“Sure. What time?”

“I don’t care. Now?”

“See you in twenty.” 

They watched back to the future in Y/n’s room, Billy having an arm around each girl. Max only lasted about ten minutes before she complained his arm was heavy. Y/n played with his hair, kissing his cheek every once and awhile. She missed him like hell. And she fell asleep during the movie like 40 minutes in. “Baby, you’re missing it.” He cooed, her resting on his shoulder. She blinked awake, nudging his nose with hers. “I’m probably not gonna make it through the movie.” She said, putting her hand on his chest. Max had moved so she was resting on her elbows towards the end of the bed, kicking her feet. Y/n turned on her side, hiding her face in Billy’s neck, the alpha rubbing his cheek on top of her head.  

“Isn’t Marty kinda hot, Y/n? Y/n?” Max turned her head to see her older brother and his girlfriend asleep. She groaned and got up. “Gross.” She actually thought they were really cute but she would never admit that out loud. She decided to venture downstairs, Y/n’s mom in the kitchen. “Hey sweetie. Who are you?”

“Max Mayfield. I’m Billy’s sister.”

“Nice to meet you.”

“You too. Do you have any ice cream?” Y/n’s mom let her take it upstairs, Max grimacing at the site of Billy drooling on his girlfriend. 

Max bounced as she sat, waking Y/n up. “What’s happening?”

“Want some ice cream?” 

“Sure.” The girls shared ice cream, finishing the movie. 

“Billy, you need to wake up.”

“Five more minutes…” He pleaded, rolling into the pillows. “Ah, fuck.” 

“Careful. Gotta take it easy.” She helped him sit up. “I gotta take you home.”

“Don’t wanna leave.” He whined, pushing his face into her chest. “Billy I’m tired.” Max whined, sugar crash hitting her hard. “You need to go get sleep before our date tomorrow.” Y/n whispered, Billy smiling. “Fine, fine. I’m getting up.” He grumbled, Y/n driving a sleepy Max and Billy home, stomach in knots at the prospect of their movie date tomorrow with Steve. 

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[massivelycreepypineapple]

Not Going Anywhere

Request: I reread the "their perfect little family" it's so good and so looongggg! I was going through your fluffy fics as I need one right now very badly! And then I kept wondering if I can request a Jensen fluff one shot? I am a runner and few months ago in a marathon, somehow my last part of sole caught some infection as doc said. I had to go through the whole surgery kinda procedure where the doc literally scooped out the infection. Fun fact, if you have athlete's foot, always get it checked out. And injection in your sole is never nice, never! And I had to do this all without sedatives for reason I didn't hear coz I was busy being scared. Its hurting like hell right now. Coz of covid thing going on, I had to do this alone. Can you write where Reader is in same situation and jensen is with her through whole procedure and then Jensen taking care of her? I cannot walk right now, and sorry for my rant! I am pretty sure it's weirdest request you have received but write only if you want!

Pairing: Jensen Ackles x Fem!Reader

A/N: I know you asked for fluff but my period induced angst got channeled into this and a wee bit of angsty stuff came up. 😂 I hope it’s okay and you still like it! I’m not sure if I got all the details right. So I apologise for the mistakes. And I hope you feel better soon! ❤️

Feedback is appreciated!!

Word Count: 2852

❅ ❅ ❅

Y/N and Jensen were seated in the waiting room of the hospital. Y/N had her head rested on Jensen’s shoulder nearly falling asleep as he held her hand in his while the other stroked her cheek. He rested his head on top of hers and occasionally placed kisses, comforting her as much as he could. She had developed an infection on the sole of her foot nearly 3 days ago and it was hurting a lot. She took over the counter medicines and hoped for it to go away, but 3 days later, it only got worse and she found it difficult to walk let alone run. Which was a real bummer, since she was a runner and loved every second of it.

Jensen had told her multiple times to get it checked out, but her stubbornness and her hatred for hospitals and doctors were an awful combination. But she finally relented when the pain got so unbearable that even painkillers couldn’t do their job. So here they were waiting to consult a doctor.

“Y/N Ackles?” The nurse called bringing a wheelchair over.

“Honey, wake up. It’s our turn.” Jensen nudged her gently.

She woke up mumbling, “So tired, Jay.”

“I know, baby. It’s the painkillers. You can sleep all you want after we consult.” He got up and then helped her into the wheelchair, making sure she didn’t put any pressure on her foot.

Once in the room, the nurse and Jensen helped her onto the bed. Just as she got comfortable the doctor came in and greeted them.

“Good morning you two!” He said cheerily annoying Y/N more. But she put on a smile and tried her best to be civil. The pain was getting to be too much and all she wanted was to go home to the comfort of her couch and watch a movie, cuddled up with her husband.

“So how are you doing, Y/N?” He asked.

“I’ll do much better if my damn foot didn’t hurt.” She grumbled, making him chuckle. Jensen stepped back, giving the man enough space to check her leg. He held her foot with one hand and poked around with the glove covered one. Y/N whimpered in pain. She was tired, sleepy, in pain and the smug doctor seemed to enjoy poking and prodding her injured foot. How she wanted to clock his face.

“Yup, it’s athlete’s foot alright.” He said. “This one seems to be a little worse for normal medication to have any effect. We’ll have to do a minor procedure.” He said walking behind his desk to sit and make notes on the laptop.

Y/N’s eyes widened and her head snapped to Jensen, who quickly made his way over to her. She grabbed his hand.

“W-what kind of procedure?” She asked, suddenly wide awake.

“Well, we have to scoop out the fungus.”

“What do you mean ‘scoop out’?” Asked Jensen worried. He squeezed your hand, showing you he was right there.

“Exactly that. We’ll be removing the infection. It’s a minor surgery. You’ll be here in the morning and leave by evening. It’s nothing to worry about.” He said kindly.

“Is it going to hurt?” Y/N asked with apprehension.

“I’m not going to lie, it’s going to hurt. But it won’t take very long.”

Y/N was panicking on the inside. She had a high tolerance for pain but the past few days have been absolute agony, and to do this and feel more pain was really freaking her out. Jensen could sense her uneasiness and wrapped an arm around her shoulder.

“Maybe you could sedate her? Put her to sleep?” Jensen asked the doc.

“That’s not possible for this procedure, the patient needs to be awake and aware of what’s happening incase something goes wrong.” He replied sympathetically.

“And what are the chances of things going wrong in this procedure?”

Jensen was even more worried now. Y/N would be doing this without any sedatives and he didn’t like it one bit. But there wasn’t another option it would seem.

“It’s a simple procedure, Mr.Ackles. There’s nothing to worry about. The lack of sedatives is a preventative measure. That’s all. As long as she’s able to feel what we’re doing, things are going well. If we sedate her she won’t be able to tell if we accidentally nicked something.”

Jensen nodded hesitantly.

“You can book an appointment for tomorrow with the nurse’s station outside. I’ll see you, Y/N, bright and early.” He smiled brightly at her.

“No offence but I’m not looking forward to seeing you bright and early.” She said with a small smile.

The doctor laughed throwing his head back, “Yeah I’m sure you’re not.” He then scribbled something in a prescription paper and handed it to her. “These are some painkillers for the night. But don’t take any before the procedure.”

“Thank you.”

The nurse who wheeled her in was back and helped her into the wheelchair once more. Jensen went to pay the fee and get the medicine, as well as book an appointment as the doctor suggested. After everything was done they were back in the car heading home. Y/N was quietly looking out the window throughout the ride worrying about what was to come. She felt Jensen grab her hand and squeeze it. She looked at him and tried to smile, but it wasn’t easy. She was beyond exhausted and couldn’t wait to get home. There was a lump in her throat and tear welled up in her eyes, but she did her best to keep it from falling.

“Sweetheart, talk to me. What’s going on in that head of yours?” He asked softly.

“Please, not now.” She said, voice cracking a little.

“Okay, honey” He said not letting go of her hand. The car ride back home was filled with tensed silence.

_______________

30 minutes later they reached home. Jensen parked the car and got out, quickly making his way to Y/N’s side. He carried her inside the house and took her up the stairs to their bedroom. He placed her on the bed and went to her closet and pulled out comfy sweat pants and one of his t-shirts. He helped her take off her clothes and put the new ones on. Once he changed too he sat facing her on the bed and cupped her cheek with one hand.

Y/N leaned into his touch, closing her eyes. A single tear escaped only to be quickly wiped away by his thumb.

“I don’t know why I’m so sad and so overwhelmed.” She whispered. “It’s so stupid. It’s a minor surgery, it won’t take long. I don’t know why I’m being so emotional.”

“It’s not stupid, baby. You’ve been in a lot of pain these past few days. You can barely walk, and you’ll never admit it, but I know you and I know that you’re upset that you can’t run. It’s getting to you. But you have to remember that it’s not permanent. You’re going to recover fully, it’ll just take a while, that’s all.”

Y/N was crying. Jensen knew her so well. He could read her like a damn book and she was so grateful for him. He never judged. All he did was support her and love her.

“I don’t want to burden you, Jay! You just got back from Vancouver. You’re on a break and this had to happen. I’m so so sorry!”

“Hey, come here.” He shifted so that he was leaning against the headboard with her on her lap. He made sure he didn’t hurt her foot. “It’s not your fault, Y/N. Not your fault at all okay? I hate to see you in so much pain, I wish it didn’t happen either, but not because I think it’s a burden. But because my baby is in pain. I don’t care how I spend time with you as long as I get you. You hear me, honey?”

She nodded against his chest. For some reason she couldn’t stop crying.

“It’s okay. Just let it out. I’m not going anywhere.” He whispered hugging her tightly. Eventually Y/N calmed down and fell asleep only waking up for dinner and painkiller. They went back to sleep soon after.

_______________

The next day they were at the hospital. Y/N was taken to the OR for the procedure. Since it was a minor one and she’d be awake through it, they allowed Jensen to be in with her to keep her calm and distracted. She was so grateful for that. She didn’t think she could’ve done it alone.

She was seated on the bed with Jensen by her head. The doctor came in followed by the nurse who was holding an injection. Y/N was looking at it with fear in her eyes, Jensen noticed her and made her look at him.

“Just focus on me ok? I’m right here.” He smiled at her.

Y/N flinched when the cold cotton swab was pressed to her infected area. It burned like crazy. She squeezed Jensen’s hand tightly, who kept whispering encouraging words. Then the doctor slowly pushed the injection in, making her cry out in pain. Jensen pressed her head into his shoulder. She was clutching his shirt really tightly almost ripping it off.

Jensen through it all tried his best to keep calm. It was killing him to see this happen to his wife. He worried about her when she cut herself while chopping vegetables or fixing something. This was a whole knew level of worry that he didn’t know how to handle. He could feel his shirt getting wet as Y/N cried into him.

“It’s over see? It’ll be a lot easier from now.” Said the doctor.

Y/N didn’t reply. She wanted this torture to end. The entire hour flew by with Y/N gritting her teeth in pain and Jensen doing his best to distract her. He would tell her funny stories which she already knew and he would talk about pranks that he and Jared pulled on Misha. It seemed to work. She was absolutely glad that she had someone like Jensen to be with her through this hellish ordeal. This only made her fall in love with him more.

When everything was finally over, she was placed in a recovery room for the work done by the surgeon to set. Another hour went by, Y/N was getting agitated. She was in a lot of pain and she still wasn’t allowed to take any painkillers. Jensen sat beside her in bed while she rested her back and head against his side. He carded his fingers through her hair, to soothe her into sleep. She kept going in and out of sleep as he watched some telly in mute.

40 minutes later the doctor came in waking her up, “How are you feeling, Y/N?”

“I’d love some drugs.” She mumbled.

“I’m prescribing you some stronger painkillers which you can take as and when you require, along with some other tablets.” He said scribbling down on his pad.

“She’s going to be fine, right?” Asked Jensen.

“Yup, we got all of it out. She’ll make a full recovery in a couple of months.” He smiled.

“Is there anything we need to watch out for? Any special care?”

“Just make sure you keep the wound clean. You need to change the dressing which the nurse will show you how to do. And I’ll see you back here after three weeks.”

“Thanks, doc.” Jensen shook his hand, before the man left.

The nurse changed Y/N’s dressing and Jensen paid close attention to it so he could do it when they got back home. After everything was done and after signing the discharge papers, Y/N was wheeled out to the parking lot to get back. Jensen helped her into the car and they drove home.

_______________

Y/N was getting increasingly frustrated in the past couple of days being completely immobile. Jensen had to do everything for her. From helping her to pee and poop, to giving her a bath. She refused to leave the bed and resorted to moping in her room. She hated being so helpless and depending on Jensen for small things that a child could manage.

Jensen on the other hand was getting worried about her. Her foot was doing fine so far. The painkillers were doing their job for the most part and he made sure she was comfortable. But Y/N was still upset and he didn’t know what to do. He was afraid to bring it up because she was getting a bit snippy too. But he had had enough of it after she had snapped at him when he asked her once again if she was okay and if she needed anything.

“Okay! That’s enough, Y/N!” Snapped Jensen. “I don’t get what your problem is. I’m doing what I can to keep you comfortable and you’ve been nothing but snippy and irritated!”

Y/N looked at him wide eyes. She didn’t expect him to snap back. She knew she was being a bitch but she didn’t know how to stop because she was in pain and no where to go and completely frustrated.

“I get you’re in pain. I really do. I know the situation ain’t ideal, and it’s bugging you to have me carry you around everywhere. But you’re not even trying to wrap your mind around it!” He was pissed and tired. He rubbed his face with his hands. “I need some space. I’ll be in my office.” He said curtly and walked out their room.

Y/N was filled with overwhelming guilt. She was only thinking about herself and didn’t think about the situation Jensen was in. It wasn’t just her who was limited to the house, so was he. Sure he could walk around, but he too must be feeling cooped up staying at home for the past couple of days. Not to mention, helping her deal with her pain and take care of her like a baby and be at her constant beck and call.

She laid there tearing up. She hated it. She felt like all she did was cry and now she was disappointing Jay. She was lost in her guilt ridden thoughts when suddenly she had the urge to pee. She groaned in frustration. She didn’t want to bother Jensen by calling him. Besides he was mad at her and he needed the space. She sat up in bed and grabbed onto the wall above the headboard and pulled herself up. But she lost her balance and accidentally placed her injured foot on the floor, crying out in pain. But she managed to balance herself in one foot and once the throbbing came down she hopped her way slowly to the toilet. She stopped midway almost losing her balance but a pair of strong arms wrapped around her waist and picked her up.

“I got you. You should’ve called me, Y/N” Jensen whispered.

“I didn’t want to bother you more than I already do, Jay.” She whispered back.

Jensen didn’t say anything. He helped her to the bathroom and helped her balance on one foot as she pulled her pants down. He gently sat her down on the seat letting her do her job. Once done he helped her to the sink to wash her hands and then picked her up to put her on the bed.

“I’m sorry, Jay” Y/N began after a few seconds of silence. “You’re right. I’ve been so irritable and stuck in my own misery that I forgot you’re stuck with me too. I shouldn’t have taken it out on you.”

“The issue isn’t that I’m stuck with you, baby girl. I love being stuck with you. The issue is you not trying at all. This crap happened to you. But I’m here for you, Y/N. I’m here to keep you company and help you around. I miss my wife. I miss having fun with you.”

“I miss having fun with you too, Jay.” She said sadly. “I’m sorry I’ve been difficult.”

“It’s okay, honey. I’m sorry I left like that. You didn’t hurt yourself right?”

“I kind of stepped on my foot while getting up. But I don’t think anything happened.”

“Okay, let’s take a look. It’s time to change the dressing anyway.” He said getting up to get the supplies. “And then, you missy, are getting out of this room and sitting out on the porch with me, okay? No objections!” He said turning around and pointing at her.

“I like the sound of that.” She grinned.

“Good.”

“Jay?”

“Yes, Y/N?”

“I love you.”

“I love you too, dork.” He grinned and went to get the stuff for her foot.

Y/N supposed she could deal with few days of being immobile as long as she had Jensen. He always knew how to bring her back to herself no matter what.

❅ ❅ ❅

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