#got a few more in my inbox to do
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Could we possibly see a ficlet of V trying to hide a horrible cold from J because he caught it from J? Like it's early on in their partnership and J had a small cold but is over it and suddenly V is. So sick. But he's embarrassed to tell J because he is already this frail wisp of a man and he doesn't want his partner to feel guilty for getting him this sick...
Ok so when I did the little poll for what people wanted next was Viktor trying to hide he's sick from Jayce. These two prompts I decided to combine since theyre very close and I can take parts from both. Hope you guys like it! (this is not beta'd and Im half asleep right now so Ill fix mistakes later)
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Any other day of the week, month, year, century, Viktor wouldn't have minded listening to Jayce yap about anything. Altough they hadn't been working together long, one thing Viktor learned fairly quickly was Jayce talked. A lot.
If it was about their work or science in general, Viktor would engage. But he realized Jayce would chat on basically any subject. Unless both were concentrating, Jayce always filled any silence with chatter. Viktor wondered if Jayce had a personal issue with quiet.
But today...
Maybe Jayce was making up for the past few days where he'd had a slight case of laryngitis, keeping his voice whisper quiet or simply writing notes to his partner.
Or maybe it was because Viktor now suffered from a head cold which he was positive he'd caught from Jayce (not that he'd told him) but his patience for listening to Jayce rattle on about anything other than their work was a thread.
"Jayce!" Viktor finally smacked his hand on the table interrupting whatever Jayce had been talking about as it had all become buzzing in his head, "What does this have..." His voice gave out forcing Viktor to clear it, "To do with your hypothesis?"
Jayce pivoted in his seat, "What do you mean, V? I explained that a few minutes ago. Hence why I changed the blueprints. See?" Getting he stood over Viktor pushing a set of papers in front of him. "I thought you looked at these?"
Viktor blinked then rubbed his head, "Yea right I did." He then dipped, stifling silently. As Jayce was pointing at a particular figure, Viktor doubted he'd noticed which was fine with him.
The day trudged on. Viktor desperately trying to keep his brain from filling with fog as he and Jayce worked on the next phase of hextech. He stifled quietly, left the talking to Jayce only give a hum or grunt in response, and hoped if he got home before midnight he'd get a few hours of sleep.
That part he should have known was impossible. Both of them left the lab late, Jayce walking with him until their paths diverged.
Inside, Viktor made it to the couch before collapsing, his cane falling to the floor. Sleep came fast but did not last. By roughly 4am Viktor was up due to the pressure in his head and the pain in his back. He could just return to the lab, he'd arrived early before but he lacked the strength to move farther then to the bed. Wrapped in a thin blanket, Viktor's breath hitched as volley of itchy sneezes followed. He was too exhausted to stifle them fully.
So much for sleeping off this cold.
****
Viktor stared at the clock, it was after 7am. Normally he was up and getting ready to head back to the lab. Jayce would usually follow closely behind, but Viktor was always there first. His heavy lidded eyes blinked slowly. How his head ached as did his throat, Viktor was sure he wouldn't be able to speak today.
Jayce couldn't know. More so Viktor didn't want him to know. What would his new partner think about him if a simple cold knocked him down this hard? No he'd get up, go in. There was work to do.
Getting up was easier said then done. Cold firmly in his head, his nose itched like mad so if he wasn't rubbing it, he was covering sneezes.
The cold walk to the lab aggravated his leg and made him sniffle constantly, putting him in an even worse mood.
It was almost 9am by the time he reached the lab, ready to diffuse any questions from Jayce on why he was late. However the door remained locked. Had he still arrived first. Unlocking it with one hand, cane hooked over his arm as he pinched a sneeze, Viktor pushed it open, peeking in.
Empty.
Viktor's shoulders unclenched as he exhaled a relieved sigh, that morphed into a small cough. Good no explanation needed.
However when Viktor removed his coat the chill of the empty lab hit him causing shivers to run through him. He didn't want to keep it on, it was too cumbersome for delicate mechanical work. Viktor hoped the building heat would click on soon as he pulled his stool over and began looking over the semantics he and Jayce drew up. It was difficult as his vision kept blurring or the persistent tickle made him sneeze again. But he kept at it if only out of spite to his cold.
Roughly an hour later he heard the door behind him open. Quickly he pocketed the handkerchief he'd been using to tend to his increasingly bothersome nose.
"Morning!" Jayce called, the hint of the after effects of his laryngitis showing in the higher pitch.
Viktor wanted to reply but the burning in his throat only allowed him to respond with a nod. He was engrossed in his work, Jayce wouldn't question it.
"You didn't make coffee?" Jayce raised an eyebrow as he looked at the empty pot.
Internally Viktor cursed. He was dead tired but the idea of the hot bitter liquid on his tender throat hadn't been what he'd wanted that morning.
Clearing his throat, Viktor summed all the voice he could, "Slipped my mind." He managed out while keeping his eyes on his work. Sniffling again, he glanced after to to see if Jayce had noticed but he was focused on the coffee pot.
"Here." A cup was set down next to him a few minutes later.
Viktor hummed a thanks as Jayce sat down in his chair.
Work began as they fell into their rhythm. Needing to keep rubbing his nose discreetly became difficult as the morning progressed. Anytime Jayce went out of his line of sight, Viktor brought out his handkerchief hoping with each rub the sensation of wanting to sneeze would lessen. Sadly it didn't.
Finally he couldn't hide it anymore. During a testing phase, Viktor's breath hitched too hard to ignore, his elbow coming up to cover it. The force surprised Viktor, knocking him back a bit. Without his cane which leaned against the table, his leg twinged, Viktor mistepped but managed to right his balance.
"V?" Immediately Jayce was beside him, hand on his shoulder giving it a squeeze. "You feeling alright?"
"Yes, fine. Just drafty in here." He lied, limping back over to the table.
"Oh here." Jayce two stepped over to his chair, removing his jacket off the back. "Put this on, it'll be big...sorry." A small blush crossed his face. "But it's not as heavy as our winter coats. It should help."
Viktor looked at the coat, then at his smiling partner who held it out. Shaking his head, he grabbed it, throwing it over his shoulders so his arms would still be free.
As the day continued on, Viktor became aware Jayce was watching him more often. So the effort to hide how awful he felt also ramped up. Viktor wanted to shed the coat to show he didn't need it but knew he'd begin shivering which would alert Jayce.
He wanted to work late again but his voice now shot which wasn't something he could hide easily. So when Jayce suggested they call it a night well before the sun had set, for once, he didn't argue.
Again Jayce walked with him until they're paths went different ways, though Viktor noticed he did not start down the walk to his own place until Viktor had once left his vision.
It wasn't until Viktor walked into his front room, throwing off his own coat that he realized he was still wearing Jayce's jacket from earlier. Clutching it in his hand, Viktor sighed, which made him cough. His head ached, his nose buzzed from congestion and the chilly air.
Before he could fully take in his situation, he inhaled sharply, the sneeze bending him at the waist. Giving his head a shake and his nose a thick sniffle, Viktor headed down to his bedroom. Exhaustion was too much, Viktor simple laid on the bed, not bothering to remove his uniform. Staring unfocused until he saw nothing, his breath rattling in his throat, he thought of how Jayce hadn't even mentioned the jacket when they walked.
****
His alarming ringing did nothing to help the pounding in his head and sinuses. Rolling onto his side as his back felt stiff, Viktor massaged his forehead. Everything hurt. Every muscle. Every joint. He was used to pain, it was part of his daily life. This pain was different. This was exhaustive pain. One he knew wouldn't go away by ignoring it.
His thoughts interrupted as he sneezed twice, covering his mouth with this blanket.
He could lay here. Not force himself up and to the lab. But then Jayce would wonder, why wasn't he there. Then Jayce might think he's not as interested, he's not a worthy partner, find someone new. The last thing Viktor wanted was to be an assistant again. No he'd make it. Whether it took all day, he'd make it to the lab. No reason to worry Jayce.
The wind whipped around him, blowing his hair in his eyes, chapping his nose and making the walk even worse then normal.
Viktor was relieved when he finally entered the doors of the main building, at least it was warmer in here. He'd barely taken two steps when his arm shot up against his nose as he stifled. Another followed, this one feel could feel in the back of his throat. Removing his handkerchief he blew his nose before entering, this time he knew Jayce was there as he could hear tinkering going on.
"Viktor!" Jayce immediately turned around when he heard the door open. "I thought you weren't going to come in today. It's nasty cold out. Trust me I even thought of staying home." He continued as Viktor hung up his coat and attempted a soft throat clear.
"Too much work." He rasped, as he sat on his stool. He brushed his hand across his nose trying to itch it as Jayce rambled on. Two silent stifles followed which shot pain through his skull. It was hard to concentrate on his work.
"V?" Jayce said a few minutes later.
"Mm?"
Viktor heard the sound of chair feet across the floor, "I gave you my jacket for a reason."
Viktor felt his face flush so he was determined to keep his eyes fixed on the papers in front of him. "Oh?"
He then felt the jacket over his frame again, keeping a bit of the draft at bay. "I...um..." Words couldn't form as he felt Jayce's warm hands on his shoulders.
"Why didn't you tell me you were sick?" His partner asked sitting back down on the chair. Jayce leaned forward trying to catch Viktor's gaze.
Sniffling, Viktor finally shed the facade. "It wasn't bad...until yesterday afterno..no..." He turned finally letting a half stifle out as he couldn't bare more pain rocking his head.
"Bless you." Jayce's tone was so soft. "Why did you come in?"
Tucking his hands between his legs, Viktor glanced at Jayce then back down. He didn't want to admit his insecurity about Jayce finding a new, healthier, more able bodied, partner. Deep down he knew Jayce would never.
"We have work to do..." His voice gave out forcing a throat clear.
"No we don't, not today and not until you're better." Jayce stood up, walking over to where Viktor's coat hung. "You head on home. I'll go talk to Heimerdinger about an extension."
Viktor's head shot up which wasn't the best for him but his eyes were wide, "No Jayce, it's fine...I..." Viktor pushed himself up.
"You, my partner, will go home." Jayce smiled down at Viktor, putting the coat over his own jacket. "If you want, later on I'll come by. We can discuss some theories if you're up for it?" He patted Viktor's shoulder then walked past him to the door.
Opening it, he gave a gesture. "Let’s go, V."
Dumbfounded but moreso oddly impressed, Viktor stuck his arm through his coat, grabbed his cane and followed Jayce out.
#another one I didnt know where to end XD#and we're back baby! kaze is back writing jayvik#got a few more in my inbox to do#anon asks#kaze answers#kaze writes: drabbles#kaze writes: jayvik#kaze writes: fanfiction#snzcane#ar/cane#jay/vik#sick fic#snz fic#snzblr
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trick or treat

You get a bad joke. What a treat! (trick??)
#whats the difference between a tractor and a giraffe#one has hydraulics and the other has high bollocks#little bit more blue that one lol#tf2 demoman#tf2 fanart#asks#trick or treat#i've got a few in my inbox so please i wont be doing more than a couple lol#you dont have to send me a joke boiman! i just wanted to share guising with everyone haha
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should i reply to asks from 2019 or is that insane behavior
#i have a ton of REALLY cool asks that ive always wanted to answer#but at the time i got them i didnt have the time to get on it and then time passed i forgot i got busy i forgot and so on#genuinely i barely ever just delete my asks - i basically only do it to spam or disrespectful stuff#soooo if you ever sent me an ask that was normal and i didnt reply to it then 99.99999% chance its just decaying in my inbox#ive attempted few times in the past to answer asks but both my blog and bendy stuff in general was more popular back then#so that always resulted in me just getting more asks LMAO#and good grief my audhd ass could not handle that#halfpost
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this is literally what I said out loud seeing them for the first time💔
"omg is that gangle from the hit show the amazing digita-"/j
what having 2 hyperfixations at once does to a mf
like, look at this
tell me I'm not the only one who sees it-
#honey ali's back with their insane ramblings again get the spray bottle#sorry for being so inactive on main#i was doing alot of dw art off-screen lol#*and schoolwork*#not even that im doing art less#id actually argue i did way more than in the last few months#but they're mostly on my sideblog and gifts sent to other people's inbox#which you'll never find whose lucky blog got them muhehe>:)#tell me i aint goin' insane pls-#should i tag gangle in this#tadc gangle#mentioned#the amazing digital circus#tadc pomni#dw rnd#dandys world razzle and dazzle#dw razzle and dazzle#dandys world#dandy's world#dw yatta#dandys world yatta#yatta the piñata#yatta dandys world
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i gave up
#since ive already done iris i wanted to do the Evils#i got a few requests in my inbox thing#iLl get to them eventually i promise im just really busy ...... ughuhguhuefhauawjkdahuhfuawhjawud#scp fanart#scp#idk#i still need to read some more tales w them so if smths innacurate dont jump at me#my desigsn for thme will change propably#scp foundation#scp fandom#scp art#oh yeah and robert with the blue tie nd stuff is from wills and ways#i wish randomini finished the series Sighhh#scp wiki#mc&d#marshall carter and dark#robert carter#skitter marshall#marshall carter & dark#wills and ways#vodkas evil art#digital art
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stalin with palette #14 ? 👉👈
ofc :3 i love these colors for him

send me a communist figure + a color palette from this post and ill draw them for you
#hehe#my art#i have a few in my inbox and itll take a while to get all of them done but dont hesitate to send more#im not necessarily doing them in the order i got them in but ill do my best to get all the requests done eventually :3
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Logging out for a while, love you miss you <3
#idk when I'll be back on#I think maybe end of the month to test the waters but we'll see#someone was having a bad day and decided to take it out in my inbox last night#and then when I logged off they got mad I didn't answer and sent a few more 🤪#usually I'm pretty good at rationalizing these things. gen z feels like the only place they have power is on the internet so of course when#they're angry and scared they're going to come after the people that they can actually reach#(and that includes me; proud owner of an anime thirst blog with 6 followers <3)#what they need is a hug and a copy of the anarchist protest guide and maybe a community garden; not someone responding to them with more#anger#but as I stated. I'm exhausted.#anyway. this is all to say#if you're feeling so much kinetic energy from rage that you feel the best way to get rid of it is to yell at some rando on the internet#use that energy to do something productive#sign up for a protest; volunteer at your local soup kitchen; teach crafts at the library.#a lot of people need a lot of help right now; why waste time shouting into the void when you could be doing something with genuine impact#the world needs helpers more than ever#if you made it this far thank u I love you; and stay safe out there cowboys 💞
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at this point i think modern verse ren is just my outlet for bad jokes and doing whatever i want with him. there’s no reason for him to have a full horror themed sleeve tattoo. but also. a junji ito inspired one. the spiral. tomie. he adds more and more to it occasionally. loses a drunk bet and has to add something random / someone’s signature or another dumb thing to it.
#ooc.#anyway i’ll do more replies in a few hours#i got some actual hcs cooking too#but i want to first invade your inboxes actually#im bored and ren is screaming in my head#who to bother first… Hm#none of you are safe btw#posting this when no one is online so you can’t stop me#:-) tbd.
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Genuinely I think your trademark is hizuposting. I feel like everyday since I’ve followed you I see at least one #hizuposting on my dash it’s so cute actually. And also you love the Nile river
WAHHHHHH I LOVEEEEEE THIS MAKES ME SO HAPPY😭❤️❤️❤️❤️
#this is so crazy because on my old blog (the one that got termed) i had SOOO MUCH under hizu's tag and even more on my older sideblog#and it's weird to think people who only followed me a few months ago don't know what it means but i've kept doing it out of habit lol#even when she was off tumblr for a bit#inbox#like we met on here in. 2020? crazyyyyy my og 7arfyan
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there's not a day that goes by that i don't think of my little man —
#✩ — NOW YOU SEE ME NOW YOU DON'T → [ ooc ]#for those of y'all that don't follow my other blog#work has been hell.#i've got a week long break scheduled for this week so i'm hoping to be around more then.#i'll be scrapping just about everything and starting fresh with the inbox & drafts.#( maybe keeping a few things here or there. )#but i do wanna be more present on this blog in general. i'm hoping this 'vacation' will help with that.#i've missed y'all —#tbd
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answering a couple questions i got on this post since i realized ppl genuinely wanna know:
tl;dr:
israel lets very, very little aid get into gaza. even the UN can't get in as much as they want to. funding individual families, gazan led initiatives, and mutual aid collectives operating out of gaza ensures gazans can provide for themselves and pay for the extremely expensive aid that is available.
with all the civil infrastructure destroyed by israel, the situation on the ground has devolved into unrestricted capitalism, driving up the price of aid (that should be free!). this makes it more urgent for people to have funding for daily survival.
the post linked above has examples of how donating to individual families can help a lot. if you want to help more than one family at a time, there are many gazan-led initiatives focusing on rebuilding their infrastructure and distributing aid fairly that are worth donating to instead of large charities that already get the majority of donations.
as i mentioned in the last post: @/careforgaza on twitter is a nonprofit started by gazans, it's been endorsed by multiple palestinian journalists.
the sameer project is a collective organized by diaspora palestinians offering emergency shelter to gazans.
ele elna elak is a project aiming to bring water, food, shelter, etc. to gazans and has been promoted by bisan owda.
and the municipality of gaza itself is fundraising to rebuild water infrastructure.
all of these organizations are active inside gaza right now and are being run by gazans. if anyone knows of other gazan-led mutual aid projects, nonprofits or charities feel free to link them in the notes! hope this helped!
long answers under the cut!
if you wanna donate to a charity that's absolutely fine, but the thing is most charities (and even the UN!) are unable to make it into gaza in the first place, leaving aid rotting at the egyptian side of the border or subject to israeli settler attacks
not to mention, charities and nonprofits also maintain a paternalistic colonial relationship with the indigenous people they are trying to help, determining what aid they need for them instead of returning power to them and letting them make their own choices
i'm not here to say that one option is better than the other, just that they achieve different things and are equally legitimate. there's an attitude among people who question the legitimacy of these gofundme campaigns that somehow the people promoting them are telling them not to donate to charities. nobody is stopping you from donating to charities. we are just asking that you do not dehumanize the very real gazans in your inbox just because their method of asking for aid is more direct and risky.
unfortunately that's exactly what has happened. because israel destroyed all of gaza's more formalized infrastructure, it seems that organized crime and rampant inflation has taken its place. aid is supposed to be free, but in order to save for evacuation or the cost of living, people have started selling them at an inflated price. and aid that is truly free attracts intense, large crowds that are dangerous to navigate.
this was posted on abc a few days ago
it's pure, unrestrained capitalism. i've had multiple palestinians describe this situation to me confidence. that's why everything's so expensive now. why people have to rent out tiny plots of land for their tents to sit on, why my friend @siraj2024 still has to buy tarps to cover the broken windows of the overpriced bombed out apartment he rented, and why a bag of flour can cost a thousand bucks in the north.
even before israel closed and then bombed the rafah crossing, the egyptian hala travel agency was only allowing people to cross the border if they paid a hefty $5000 USD per adult / $2500 USD per child bribe. it denies doing this, but the hundreds of stories from palestinians say otherwise.
with regard to the economy, here in america we saw something similar happen in the wake of hurricane helene and milton. the podcaster margaret killjoy describes how she saw dual economies rise after asheville was fully cut off from the rest of the country - some people offered each other supplies for free in a sort of mutual aid honor system, and some people required payment when they lent supplies because they themselves needed to buy stuff for their families. these dual economies exist in gaza too. and this means they all still need money to survive.
#og#palestine#palestine resources#gaza#free palestine#free gaza#gaza strip#save palestine#i stand with palestine#all eyes on palestine#palestine genocide#gaza genocide#donations
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+4 orgasms
Thank you 🥺🥺🥺
#i think I've got a few tasks in my inbox that I've gotta do before 5 that should earn a few more orgasms too....#edward speaks#sub stuff#thank you for the ask <3!!
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wife!reader who keeps killing, and husband!simon riley who sees no wrong in it. prev next
the first time was purely accidental. a mere mishapt that ended in manslaughter. that's not to say the man didn't deserve it because of course he did—at least that's what simon said. but the bodies that followed? those were no accident.
simon didn't think you—his sweet missus—were capable of such crime. not because he thought less of you and your abilities, of course, but because you were just so sweet and pretty, it was jaw dropping. downright deceiving.
you kept luring men back to your precious home, steering clear of the new, pretty rug simon bought you after he had to burn the last one. and after you stabbed them, or axed them, or poisoned them—simon kept your options open after the first few—you'd clean up. yourself, anyway.
simon grumbled that one time when you tried to help, swatting you on the rear with his large hand before groping you and sending you off. so you learned to just leave the body for him to come home to and pretty yourself up for him to ravage you later.
it was a fair deal, after all. he cleans your messes, you pretty yourself and then he makes a mess of his own with you.
your own version of bonnie and clyde.
he never questioned you either. "can't do anythin' wrong in m'eyes." he would shrug whenever you asked, going back to shrugging the floorboards free of the metallic substance once again.
like he said, if you wanted someone dead, they were dead. sure, he'd twist his neck and nearly break it trying to get a good look at the poor bloke who dare crossed you—never a woman—but again, he'd shrug it off every time, muttering gruffly, "wot'vr the missus wants."
his lips are sealed when the police come by. killing is stressful enough, yeah?
"who keeps coming by?" your voice spoke softly from behind him. he had just shut the door after the police thanked him again and moved to the neighbor's house.
he grunts. "just salesmen."
"oh." you paused before frowning. "do I need to kill them too?"
simon's eyes twinkled, the corners of his eyes creasing with a smile under his mask—he hadn't got a chance to take it off yet—as he stood and stared at you with what you think is the most lovestruck expression you've ever seen. warring with the look he gave you on your wedding day.
"if tha's wot y'want."
he swears he's never been more in love with you.
if you guys have any ideas for this pairing, please send it in my inbox. more fics of these two are a must, and I love sharing ideas with you guys <3 much love
#cw murder#simon ghost riley#simon ghost riley x you#simon ghost x reader#simon ghost fluff#simon ghost riley fanfiction#cod x reader#ghost x reader#ghost cod#simon riley#ghost call of duty#simon x reader#simon riley x reader#simon riley x you#simon riley cod#simon riley imagine#ghost mw2#call of duty ghost#simon ghost riley x reader#simon ghost x you#cod#soap cod#cod mw2#call of duty#call of duty modern warfare#cod modern warfare#cod mwii#simon riley x afab reader#simon riley x female reader
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PRACTICE MAKES PERFECT, RIGHT? - N . CHAVEZ
Mature Content Ahead
Nicholas Chavez x F!Actress Reader
Warnings: SMUT
Summary: You and Nicholas are costars in a new show - Grotesqueire. When it is time to film a sex scene, you aren't ready; awkward tension takes over, but you know what they say; Practice makes perfect.
Note: I just want to say thank you so much for 1k followers and I hope you enjoy this one - and if you are new here, check out my other works. I have new stuff coming, feel free to request in my inbox for a specific character.
If you are looking for a part 2, please read this post as it explains my reasonings behind not making a part 2.
The filming for Grotesqueire has been underway for a few weeks now, this is your first big role in any media which you are extremely excited for. The show has an extremely interesting script, which is one of the reasons you wanted to put your all into your audition - which got you here.
"Y/N, I need you on set B in 5 minutes" Someone shouted from outside the trailer.
You sat up, taking your glasses off as you put them aside as you grabbed your contact case, quickly putting your contacts. You grab your veil, before exiting your trailer and walking towards the set. Crew preparing sets around you as you pass through different hallways, so much going on in one place but somehow you still felt at home.
"I was wondering where you were" You heard Nicholas laugh behind you as you turned to face him.
You laughed, turning to him as you smiled. Nicholas was your co-star playing a weirdly odd but kinky priest - and well, he was definitely lovely to look at.
"Nicholas, what are you doing?" The costume leader came scrambling over. "That isn't your costume for this scene- come!" She grabbed his arm, pulling him out of the set.
You laughed at Nicholas getting dragged away before walking upon the director and listening to your scene directions.
You sat upon your position on the set, the hairstylist coming to fit the veil upon your head properly, fixing your hair under it as you noticed Nicholas enter the set from the side of your view. You turn to look at him, your eye quirking up at his costume- well lack of costume.
"Nicholas why are you wearing just a towel?" You laughed.
"I have no idea- This is what Marissa gave me-" He spoke but was quickly cut off by the director on the megaphone.
"Alright! So can we get Talia on set please!"
You watched a girl walk up to you and Nicholas, smiling as she held a clipboard. "Y/N! Nicholas! I am very grateful to meet you, I am Talia your intimacy coordinator"
You blinked. You read the script you knew it was coming but you didnt realise it would be so early on. Nicholas shared a similar face to you.
"Now, don't worry, we will go over the main aspects and go over any boundaries the pair of you have" She smiled.
The next twenty minutes were spent with you, Nicholas and the intimacy coordinator. You were still shocked. It wasn't that you couldn't do it - Nicholas was attractive, and all, and the attraction for the scene was definitely there; it was just the awkwardness of it.
After talking Talia deemed you guys to be okay to proceed, the horn sounded round the studio as the pair of you prepared for your scene.
The tension loomed in the air as you stared at Nicholas from the doorway, reciting your lines.
"Can you dry my back sister... please" He hummed, passing a folded white towel over to you. You took it, walking behind him as he kneeled infront of the bed. You took the towel, slowly sliding it over his back full of gashes, cleaning the blood from his back as your finger ran over the bumps. You let your hand reset to his shoulder, softly gripping it as he hummed, it was what was scripted but it felt.. awkward.
"CUT!-" Shot through the studio as alarms sounded once more. Talia and the director came over, looking at you and Nicholas.
"Maybe lets take a break, you two talk through the scene and try and coordinate something. It feels.." The direction tapped his chin as he spoke.
"Awkward. It was very tense and not good tense" Talia sighed.
The pair of you nodded, walking out of the studio and towards the trailer as you groaned, flinging open the door as you tore the veil off your head yet again.
Nicholas sat on the couch looking up at you snickering as you groaned, sitting beside him, tossing your legs over his as you leaned back on the couch.
"I had no clue we were filming.. that today. It's just.. awkward" You looked at him, watching his body face yours completely as he held your full attention. The way his eyes stared into yours as you spoke.
"I mean if it makes you feel any better, I was pretty nervous. I didnt really know what to do and its just unfamilar i guess, its not a regular sex scene its gotta be.. kinky" He chuckled.
He made you feel comfortable. No pressure at all, the awkwardness was lifting bit by bit, showing the light under the fog.
"I mean what if we just.. you know" You blurted.
"If we just what?" Nicholas looked at you confused. "Fucked?"
"I mean you said it not me.." You looked around the room, trying to break the obvious tension as he laughed at your reaction. "I mean, for the scene right?" You smirked.
"Yeah for the scene." You sat up and looked at him as he spoke, crawling towards him slightly. You paused just before him. One of your hands gripping his thigh as the other held his shoulder.
The pair of you looked at each other for a brief moment, the balance of friends and coworkers about to be broken. As much as you wanted to chant in your head, 'it's for work, for work,' it wasn't, was it.
Your lips softly connected with his, wrapping your arms around his neck as he pulled you in, sitting upon his lap, your legs wrapping and encasing him between. His lips mimicked your movement, slowly moving against yours, matching your pace and rhythm.
You pulled away briefly for a moment, looking at him. "This is work right..?" You chuckled.
"Definitely work" He smirked, pushing himself up, sending you up as he pulled apart your dress, the top clasps undoing as you kissed him forcefully. Your arms flew around his neck as he tugged the dress down slightly.
Your lips interlocked as you kissed each other hungrily, your hands combing through his locks as he slid all over your torso, pinching and grabbing at the flesh.
You both wouldn't admit it, but this was a long time coming. With the subtle flirting on and off set, you both were excited for the sex scene to finally be able to 'get a taste' as Nicholas said - but you didn't expect this.
You pulled away, gripping the waist of the dress as you dragged it up your body, pulling it up over your head as you dropped it to the floor, allowing yourself to fall back against the couch, your arms around his neck as you guided him ontop of you.
"Fuck-" Nicholas groaned, towering above you as he stared down as you adored in your black lace set as you stared up at him. "Is lingere supposed to be apart of the costume.. I mean stockings? Really? The dress covers it" His hand slid down your thigh to your calf, feeling the silky sheer material covering your bare skin.
"Personal touch" You smirked at him, your hands holding his shoulders as he licked his lips.
Nicholas's head turned to the side, kissing the wrist of your hand as it held his shoulder, taking the hand as he kissed up your arm slowly, gaining closer and closer.
You pulled him down towards you, rubbing his neck softly as you pecked his lips softly. "Nick- This is mad" You laughed out.
A smile covered his lips as he kissed your cheek, to your jaw and slowly down your neck, nipping occasionally. "Its practice... for work of course"
"The for work excuse has been.. overused~" You melted into his touch, your hands resting softly upon his hips above the towel that fixed upon his body. You tugged his hips closer, noticing his lips depart from your collarbone as he peered up at you.
He licked his lips, sitting back upon his knees as he stared down at you, that cheeky grin on his face. "Now, got to act suprised in the scene, I'll give you a little preview" He snickered.
You reached forward for his towel, tugging it as it puddled at his knees. You gawked for a moment, you didnt expect him to actually be pare naked under the towel - acting and all, you'd think he'd have some sort of cover.
"The director thought it would be more authentic to be completely naked under the towel.... For gravity purposes" He winked, his hands sliding down your waist, hooking his fingers through the sides of your underwear, slowly pulling them down your body.
"That's a terrible excuse" You laughed as you lifted your feet out of your underwear as he dropped them on the floor. You sat up, pushing his chest as he sat back on the couch.
"Calm down, cowgirl", He snickered, leaning back as he stared at you; one of his heads reached to rest upon your hip, the other clasped around himself as he gradually began to pump.
You reached back, unclasping your bra and sliding it off slowly as you threw it at him, the pair of you laughing. The sight of him leant back against the couch, hot and bothered as he stared at you while touching himself was all too much, it was making you hot and bothered.
"Fuck me, you are so hot Nicholas" you brought your hands to your face, covering your eyes as you let out a loud drawn out sigh.
"Genes.. what can I tell you" He smiled, as you leaned forward pecking his lips softly a few times. His grin seeping into the kiss as you stared at him, your noses touching eachother slightly.
You leaned in, capturing him in a soft kiss, instantly reciprocated as both his hands gripped your waist. You sat in his lap, softly grinding down against him - humming softly within the kiss at the friction.
You noticed his eagerness as his hips would occasionally buckle up against yours, one of his heads to your neck, gripping it softly as he pulled you closer - the pair of you intensely making out.
Your hands raked through his hair, tugging and stroking it as his hand tested with pressure around your neck as you hummed softly, lightly moaning within the kiss.
You pulled away abruptly, looking down as you took him into your hand as you slowly guided him into you as you let out a light and soft moan, which was sounded out by his own moan.
"Fuckkkk-" His head fell backwards as his hands fell upon your waist, guiding you slowly.
You looked down at him, your hands holding his shoulders as you slowly rutted your hips against his, grinding down against him. Watching his face twitch in pleasure as his breathing stuttered at each movement.
"You are so vocal" You laughed, pecking his lips softly as you rested your forehead against his, continuing to grind down against him, watching his body for every single twitched movement.
"Cant help it- Does it bother y-you.." He stared up at you, slightly breathless as he grinned, his eyes half lidded.
"Absolutely not.. turns me on if anything" You chuckled, kissing his cheek softly as you leaned down to nibble on his ear lobe as you continued to ride him.
Nicholas continued to groan in your ear, making you smirk as you speed up your movements, dropping your body weight down against him harshly as you bucked your hips back and forth. Cusses spewed from his lips as you continued to do so. 'Fuck' 'Shit' 'Holy Fuuuck-', continued to fall from his lips as you hummed softly, soft moans leaving yours.
You watched him intently as his eyes rolled back, his eyes staying hooded as he tried to steady his breathing. Smirking as you noticed the effect you had over him, especially how cocky he is normally.
Your movements slowed down as you panted softly, leaning against him for balance and he noticed. Nicholas picked you up, causing you to yelp momentarily as you pushed you up against a desk.
"Getting tired?" He smirked, pressing his hands against the wall behind you, as he thrusted harshly forward - causing you to gulp back a moan. Your fists clenching as you stared up at him.
"I thought-" You groaned, at each thrust he made, pressing your hands against his chest as you steadied your breathing.
"Mhm.. You thought wrong; I was definitely enjoying before, though.." He pecked your lips softly, leaning to your ear. "My turn now" He whispered.
His hands hooked under your thighs, lifting your lower body up slightly as he continued to thrust into you. You yelped out, shutting your eyes as you tried to control yourself from the overwhelming feeling of pleasure, trying hard to not let go so soon. His lips harshly locked against your neck, as he sucked and bit down against the flesh.
"Nicholas-" You gasped out, moaning softly as your fingernails clawed down his back harshly.
"Shhhh" He cooed, as he licked up your neck, his hips continuing to slam against yours as the desk rocked below the pair of you.
"So fucking good- holy-" You gasped, staring at him as you laughed out slightly, his lips curling up into a smile as he continued to thrust, his hands holding your hips up just above the desk as you locked your legs around his waist tightly.
He dropped you harshly against the wood, placing a hand on your neck, kissing you roughly as you raced to reciprocate. His tongue halfway down your throat as your hands slid down his chest, your fingers feeling between the crevises of his sculpted chest. His free hand, cupping your breast as he squeezed it occasionally.
You hummed needingly into the kiss as his thumb pressed pressure against the front of your throat, causing you to tighten - which he felt. You could feel the smirk on his face as he kissed you, his tongue exploring your mouth as you helplessly allowed it.
You felt his whole hand clamp down on your neck with pressure. Your breath hitched for a moment at the sheer shock as he pulled away, your foreheads resting against one another, beads of sweat falling and mixing within each other as you gasped, staring into his eyes as he thrust deeply, holding himself within you.
"...Nick.." you croaked out as he stared at you, his eyes blown out with lust as he leaned in, biting your lip between his teeth as he held his eye contact with you, his thumb still pressed hard against the front of your throat.
He took his free hand, sliding his middle finger and index finger past your lips and into your mouth as you stared at him. You gave him no indication against it which caused his dick to twitch. He began to thrust against yet this time harder but slower. Your body rebounded each time, pushing yourself into the wall that you could've meshed into it. You sucked on his fingers, tugging his hair as you run your hand down his face, caressing it as you let out a guttural moan as he trusted once more.
"Good girl.. cum for me" He whispered, withdrawing his fingers from your mouth and removing his hand from your neck as his face flew to yours, your lips instantly crashing upon one another as he gripped your hips, pulling you forward and roughly thrusting into you.
You moaned into his mouth, panting heavily as you drew closer and closer to your high. Your leg twitching as you threw your head back as his lips sucked and nipped at your neck as you screamed out loudly. Your hands clawing down his back as you came undone.
You were too dazed in your high, groaning and panting as Nicholas pulled out, groaning as he pumped himself watching as your whole body twitched.
Your legs flung closed as you stared at him, exhausted as he whined before he came on your thigh, whimpering and panting as he did so, his arm leant against the wall behind you as it supported his weight - his face mere centermeters away.
"Holy fuck-" You chuckled, out of breath as you stared at him.
His chest rose and fell as he stared up at you with hooded eyes. His finger swiping his cum off your thigh as he held it up to you.
You smirked, leaning forward and sucking it off his finger as you looked at him. He smiled at you before pushing himself off the wall as he stumbled back to the couch, laying back on it as he sighed - catching his breath.
"That was more of a workout than my actual workout sessions.. jesus Christ", Nicholas groaned, his arm resting up above him.
You pulled yourself off the desk, your legs slightly wobbly as you slowly approached him. You sat beside his head, lifting it and resting it against your thigh as you sighed.
"I think we've got the sex scene down, don't you.." You laughed, running your fingers through his hair.
"Oh, definitely" He smirked up at you.
It was safe to say, when the pair of you finally caught your breath you showered and got rechanged into your costumes. You had to cover up all the marks on your neck but for Nicholas it was fine, he was already marked by makeup so hopefully no one could tell the difference.
When the pair of you got to set, you definitely delivered the sex scene, going beyond the script. Hair pulling, finger sucking, tit grabbing, ass grabbing - the lot. Safe to say everyone was impressed.
"CUT! That was exactly what we needed, guys!" The director clapped as you and Nicholas stared at each other, panting slightly. You smirked, looking down at the tent under the towel Nicholas was wearing.
"Please don't move- it'll be so fucking embarrassing", Nicholas begged. You chuckled, patting his chest.
#nicholas chavez#nicholas alexander chavez#nicholas chavez x reader#nicholas chavez smut#grotesquerie#charlie mayhew#nicholas chavez x female reader#nicholas chavez x actress!reader#nicholas chavez fanfiction#nicholas chavez fic#angelfrombenethfics
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HALF YOUR BRAIN JUST AIN’T THERE!

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。𖦹°‧➵ PAIR: Joel Miller x babysitter!fem!reader
。𖦹°‧➵ WC: 11k
。𖦹°‧➵ CONTAINS: 18+ SMUT MDNI, no outbreak au, pov switching, trailer park joel awooga wooga, tommy miller appearance because daddy i love him, joel is kinda sleazy and pervy, large girthy age gap (53/early 20s), and it’s very much brought up, finding joel’s porn drawer because he’s vintage, reader is called jailbait like once, reader is also a little creep lmao, just two freaks coming together praise, masturbation, fingering, brief allusions of fisting, the BAREST hint of ass play, p in v, rough sex, riding, pussy pronouns, spanking, finger sucking (told you i can’t stop), erectile dysfunction? yeah we don’t know what that means in this house because that old man can fuck like he’s twenty, porn with too much fucking plot, no use of y/n.
。𖦹°‧➵ NAT’S NOTE: i blame tommy gunn for this…and my period for rearing its ugly head and making me act like an animal. i don’t know i guess my brain is just fully rotted, but y’all’s are too so here’s a nice little gift from me to you, i’m lovingly placing this on your dash xoxo. this isn’t really based on manchild sorry for the false advertising babies, i just thought the lyric was super cute and it’s been stuck in my head so yeah here we are lmao. hope y’all love it, mwah!
。𖦹°‧➵ NAT’S HEADPHONES: Manchild - Sabrina Carpenter
dividers by @cafekitsune & @saradika-graphics! plus the delicious icon from @iamasaddie!
joel miller needs a babysitter, you’re back in town…

Gruene hasn't changed much. Not really.
You're not sure how much different it'd be after only a couple years away, but still. Something in you had expected it to feel even smaller—like the way old t-shirts shrink in the wash when you’re not paying attention.
The air felt the same when you first stepped out of your beat up Chevy, heavy and humid like a wet mouth. The pavement in front of your house still burned the bottom of your shoes, and the cicadas were buzzing in the dry grass like they never stopped.
You left for college thinking you’d never come back. And yet, here you are. Spending summer back in your hometown, a little more than half a degree under your belt, flat broke, and bored to death.
Your room’s the same, maybe just a little smaller now that you’ve lived other places, slept in other beds. All the posters are still up, faded from the sun and curling at the corners. Your mom left your old tennis trophies on your dresser, like maybe she thought you’d want to see them. You don’t, not really. You appreciate the effort anyway, at least she didn’t turn it into a yoga room or a place to keep extra boxes and Christmas decorations.
You try not to spend too much time at home, even though you technically don’t have anywhere else to go. You kill time with long drives down the streets you memorized years ago, past beat up gas stations with sun bleached lotto signs and eighteen wheelers parked in the back.
You try your hand at some half-hearted job hunting at a few different places that promise to call but never do. And you sit in the back booth of an old diner where you and your friends used to sneak fries from abandoned tables and smoke paper wrapped joints in the alley out back.
Every place you go feels like a ghost town version of what you remember. Familiar, but all hollowed out.
“You know who might be looking for help?” Your mom says one morning, standing at the stove fussing over a pan of bacon. “Joel Miller, you remember him don’t you?”
You pause, your fork stuck hovering just above the plate. “Sarah’s dad?”
“Mhm. I ran into him at the market a couple weeks ago and we got to catching up. He’s needing to pick up some extra work, and it’s just him, you know. Sarah’s starting high school in the fall but he’s still not wanting to leave her on her own. He looked stressed, poor thing.”
You hum warily, pushing your eggs around your plate to distract from the way your stomach flutters.
Joel Miller.
You haven’t heard that name in years. Not since you stopped babysitting Sarah, not since you left. It has something low and guilty stirring somewhere deep inside you.
You shouldn’t be surprised that it’s floating back into your life like cigarette smoke—all pungent and sour and impossible to ignore. In a town of less than two thousand people, you were bound to circle around some old memories sooner or later. And Joel Miller was a big one.
Mr. Miller was a few years older than your mom, a single dad that lived with his daughter in the trailer park a few miles past the city limit. You met him when you were seventeen and trying to save as much as you could for college, when your puny part time job flipping burgers and serving ice cream cones wasn’t cutting it.
He needed someone to pick up Sarah from school and watch her until he got home from work, you needed the extra money. It seemed like a perfect fit.
But Joel was always…different. He scooped you up off the gravel and carried you into his living room to bandage up your knee when you took a bad fall outside his trailer. He never ratted you out when he caught you smoking one of his Marlboros in his backyard after you put Sarah to bed one night. He drove you home when you got too drunk at a field party and couldn’t stomach the thought of calling your mom.
You can still remember the way his truck smelled—gasoline, sunbaked leather, sawdust.
He didn’t say much, just kept his gaze trained on the road as you watched him through glassy eyes while Johnny Cash floated through the cab. He looked back once, slow and quiet, like he was really thinking something over.
It’s been a long time since you thought about that night, but the reminder of it resurfaces sharp and sudden, like a thumb pressed into a bruise.
Now, your mom’s pouring more coffee into your cup and saying his name like it’s no big deal, like she didn’t just drop a live wire into your lap. Like he didn’t take up way too much room in your seventeen year old imagination.
“You should go down there and talk to him sometime,” she says, casual. “It might be a good way to make some money while you look around for something else.”
You bite back a grimace, conflicted. “Isn’t Sarah old enough to stay home alone by now?”
Your mom shrugs like it doesn’t matter. “Maybe, but like I said Joel’s always been a little…anxious about leaving her on her own too many nights. She’s at that age, you know—boys, phones, lord knows what else.”
You frown, stabbing at your eggs. You only remember Sarah as the sweet little girl who’d beg to stay up and watch Disney with you, who was more interested in her Barbie dolls than any screen. You used to braid her hair while she did her times tables, let her wear some of your lip gloss when she begged.
You take a sip of coffee, the burn of it trickles down from your throat to settle somewhere deep in your chest. “You really think he’d hire me again?”
Your mom shrugs again, plating the bacon. “I don’t see why not. Sarah always loved you, Joel too. He’s asked about you once or twice, said you were a real good girl. Very responsible and all that.”
You try not to laugh at that.
Good girl. Responsible. Right.
You nod vaguely, standing to clear your plate into the trash even though it’s still half full. “Maybe,” you mutter. “I’ll think about it.”
Later that night, alone in your room, you find yourself scrolling through Facebook like an angsty teenager.
You kicked your sheets off a while ago, cracked your window open to let in the cool breeze swirling outside. Crickets sing quietly in the background, only drowned out every once in a while by the sound of cars passing your street.
Joel’s profile is still public, but it’s sparsely updated. A new truck photo here, a blurry picture of Sarah’s eighth grade promotion there. She looks the same, maybe a little older. Her hair’s longer, but still curly as ever.
There’s no recent pictures of Joel anywhere. Not posted by him or any of his friends. You can’t tell if the feeling that blooms inside of you is disappointment or something else entirely.
You’re about to exit the app when finally, a tagged post catches your eye.
A post by an account with the name Henry B. attached to it. It’s just a grainy photo of someone’s backyard littered with wood pallets and stray tools, Joel standing in the middle of it all with a few other people you don’t recognize.
His account is tagged in the caption underneath. Big thanks to my buddy Joel Miller for the extra set of hands tonight. Saved our ass! It’s dated June 13, 2023.
You pause, your thumb hovering over the screen. So he’s still handy, you think distantly, chewing on your bottom lip.
You remember that much. There were always new projects cluttering the yard in front of his trailer. A crib for the expecting couple a few doors down, a rocking chair with ornate vines and flowers carved into the armrests, a soccer goal for Sarah to practice with when she started getting serious about it in the fifth grade.
You zoom in on the picture, just a little.
The angle’s weird and it’s overexposed as shit. Joel’s face is half shadowed by an old Longhorns baseball cap, but even still—there’s that jaw. That mouth. That same broad width of his shoulders you used to trace with your eyes when he’d lean on the doorframe after he got home from work.
It’s still an older picture, and you can’t help but wonder how much he’s changed since.
You breathe through your nose, one long uninterrupted breath before you close the app and toss your phone face down on the mattress.
Joel Miller was handsome when you were in high school and stupid and still biting your nails.
He was a late forty-something, tired around the eyes. Always in pair of ratty, stained jeans and those soft, worn down flannels with the sleeves rolled up. Sarah’s dad. The hot one, according to the girls at school. The divorced one, according to the snooty moms at the PTA. He was tall and strong, thick arms with dark hair dusted along veiny muscle. Big hands that were calloused and rough to the touch when he slipped you a couple folded twenties at the end of every night.
You haven’t seen him since the summer after you graduated, but sometimes you still think about the way he used to look at you.
Like he shouldn’t.
Like he knew he shouldn’t, and did it anyway.
You can still feel it. That heat, that weight. The way his eyes always lingered a little too long when you bent down to grab your homework off the coffee table. The way his voice got low and syrupy when he asked what you were doing that weekend.
You were young then, but now?
Now you’re not sure who you are, not entirely—but you know you’re not that same girl. You’ve lived. You’ve done things he couldn’t even guess at.
You’ve grown up. And you wonder if Joel would notice too.
You don’t plan on going. Not really.
The next day, your mom leaves a note taped to the fridge that says she’s out running errands and won’t be back until later. You stare at it for a while, then glance at the clock.
It’s barely noon.
You have nothing to do. No plans. No job. So you get into your boiling hot car, roll the windows down, and drive.
You’re not sure what makes you do it.
Maybe it’s the antsy feeling that’s been worming around under your skin since you got here. Maybe it’s the way Joel’s name has been bouncing off all the corners of your mind like a moth against glass ever since your mom said it.
Either way, you find yourself veering onto a familiar exit off the highway, tires crunching under gravel until it turns to dirt when you pull into the same trailer park on the edge of town. The same one you spent most nights back in high school.
You sit in your car for a little longer than necessary, keys still in the ignition, engine ticking quietly as it cools.
The place hasn’t changed much either. Same sloped roof, same white paneling, same wind chimes clinking together on the porch. There’s a pair of muddy work boots by the steps, and your stomach knots.
You didn’t bother calling ahead. You don’t even know if he has the same number. You’re regretting that now.
You should leave. You really should. But you’re already pulling the car door open and stepping into the dry afternoon heat. The air’s thick again, the sun sitting high and mean in the sky. Your shirt sticks to the sweaty skin along your spine as you walk through the gate and up the short gravel path.
You hesitate at the foot of the stairs, clenching and unclenching your fists a couple times like that’ll magically relive all your nerves. You wonder, and almost hope, if Sarah will be the one to open the door. If she’ll even remember you.
Then, the screen door cracks open before you can knock.
Joel’s standing there. He looks the same as the last time you saw him.
“Well I’ll be damned,” he mutters, opening the door wider. He’s in jeans, barefoot, nothing but a tank top clinging to his chest, a dark patch blooming at the collar where it’s damp with sweat. “Look at you.”
No, not the same.
Older. Broader, somehow. More worn in, like a favorite jacket that’s been well loved. His hair’s longer than you remember, messier. His beard is thicker too, dusted with more gray, and there’s a little more weight around his middle. But his eyes are just the same—dark, steady, and sharp in a way that makes you feel instantly, achingly seventeen again.
He looks you over once. Not quick. Real slow. Real deliberate. A single drag of his eyes from your flip flops to the shorts you maybe shouldn’t have worn. His gaze sticks when it reaches your chest, lingers there a beat too long before flicking back up to your mouth. And then, finally, your eyes.
You shift your weight, offering a small smile. “Hey, Mr. Miller.”
His eyes narrow, and there’s the ghost of a smirk pulling at his mouth. “Don’t start with that ‘Mr. Miller’ bullshit. You’re grown now.”
Your stomach tightens.
“I, uh...my mom said you might be looking for help,” you say, fighting the urge to squirm where you stand. “With Sarah, I mean.”
He leans against the doorframe, one hand gripping the wood above his head. The movement lifts his shirt just enough to show a strip of his stomach, a trail of dark hair disappearing under the waistband of his sweats. “She did, huh?”
You nod, still frozen in place at the bottom of the steps.
Joel lets the silence hang in the air, heavy and charged. Then he huffs a quiet breath through his nose—half amusement, half something else—and steps aside. “You comin’ in or what?” he asks, jerking his head impatiently, giving you another long, lazy once over. “Ain’t polite to keep an old man waitin’, kid.”
Your heart beats wildly against your ribcage, and with one last quick, steadying breath you hope Joel doesn’t notice, you climb the stairs.
Joel hadn’t expected to see you again. At the very least like this, showing up at his place in the middle of the day—standing at the bottom of his porch like a mirage in the heat, older and more grown in all the places a man like him shouldn’t be noticing.
And sure as hell not in those shorts.
He watches you walk past him into the living room, slow and uncertain, that little sway in your hips you maybe don’t even mean to have. Or maybe you do.
Either way, it’s a goddamn sight.
Joel closes the door with a soft click, dragging a hand over his mouth like that’ll help wipe the look off his face. It doesn’t. The look of you—bare legged and smiling, sun kissed and back in his house after all this time—sticks to the inside of his skull like syrup.
You look around the room with a small smile, eyes scanning the familiar furniture. Some of it’s new, some of it’s the same. Joel’s never been much for decorating. You pause in front of the bookshelf he built a few years back, Sarah’s old school pictures still sit in a few mismatched frames next to a couple of paperbacks.
He clears his throat, scratching at his beard so he has something to do with his hands as he walks to the kitchen. “You want somethin’ to drink? Water, iced tea? I think I got Coke in the fridge somewhere.”
“I’m good, thanks.” You follow slowly, looking younger somehow in the kitchen light. You rest your hip against the doorway, eyes watching him as he walks to the fridge. “I won’t stay long. I just figured I’d stop by real quick and see if you still needed some help.”
Joel pulls the fridge open anyway, grabbing a beer from the half empty six pack. He cracks the tab with a soft hiss and leans back against the counter. “Sarah’s mostly independent now. She don’t need a sitter like she used to, but I still get caught up workin’ late. Don’t like the idea of her bein’ here by herself too often. 'Specially not with some of the boys sniffin’ around lately.”
You laugh, soft and bright. “Well, I’ve got time,” you say, toying with a loose thread on your cutoffs. “I don’t know how much help you actually need, but my schedule’s pretty much open. I can do evenings, weekends, whatever you want.”
Joel has to bite back a grin. Whatever he wants.
If you only knew the half of what he really wants.
Joel shifts his weight against the counter. “It wouldn’t be every night,” he says, shaking his head. “Just the evenings I pick up extra hours, or if I get called out for a job.”
You nod. “I can help. You don’t have to worry about paying me a whole lot. I’ll just be happy to keep busy.”
His mouth pulls into something that might be a smile. “I’ll pay you,” he says, almost gruff. “You’re doin’ me a favor.”
The silence that follows feels familiar. Not awkward—just full. A little tight around the edges.
He’s always known how to talk to you, but now there’s something different to it. You’re not seventeen anymore. Not biting your lip and looking away when he catches your eye. You’re standing there calm as you please, looking straight at him, like you already know he’s thinking things he shouldn’t.
Joel watches you from across the kitchen, beer can sweating against his palm. The ceiling fan spins lazily overhead, stirring warm air that doesn’t help much with the heat climbing under his skin. You’re standing there across the way from him like nothing’s changed, like you never left. Like no time has passed at all.
Except that it has. And it shows.
“You still in school?” he asks, voice rougher than he means it to be.
You blink, head tilting to the left. “Yeah. I’m up in Chicago now, Northwestern.”
“Big shot,” Joel whistles low, nodding appreciatively. “That’s a ways away from here.”
You shake your head, smile small and bashful. “It is. It’s expensive as hell too, my scholarship’s the only reason I’m there.”
He makes a soft sound in his throat, impressed. “Smart girl.”
“I try.” You shrug, but there’s pride under it. “I’ve got one year left, usually I stay for the summer to try and make as much as I can in the city. I—I just needed a breather, I guess. Some time to figure shit out, you know?”
There’s something soft in your tone when you say it, an openness he didn’t expect, and maybe shouldn’t pry into. But part of him wants to. Always has.
“You don’t seem like the type that needs figurin’ out,” Joel says, voice a little quieter now. “Always thought you had your head on straight.”
Your smile flickers into something crooked, something secret. “That’s because you didn’t really know me.”
He chuckles, deep and rough. “No, sweetheart. I think I knew you just fine.”
Your eyes lock for a second too long after that, thick enough with heat and history to make the air feel heavier than it already is.
You look away first, your eyes flicking to the living room. “I, uh–sorry, do you mind if I use the bathroom?”
Joel gestures vaguely with his free hand. “Go ahead, you remember where it is.”
You push off the doorway with one last grateful smile and duck down the hallway, footsteps silent against the linoleum. Joel watches until you disappear around the corner, his gaze dipping low without shame.
He waits until he hears the click of the bathroom door shutting behind you to exhale a slow breath, setting his beer down on the counter harder than he has to.
Jesus Christ.
She’s not a girl anymore, he thinks to himself. And you’re not, you’re far fucking from it.
But that feeling, that ugly one churning deep down in Joel’s gut, it’s still there. It feels just as dangerous as it used to, maybe even worse now. All because of you.
The look of your glossy lips forming around the words whatever he wants. The shape of your thighs, those damn shorts clinging to you like a second skin. The way you were looking at him, eyes all wide and shiny under his shitty kitchen light.
Joel can’t help himself, he thinks back to a few years ago. You, curled up on his couch every night when he got home from a long build, looking so soft in the hazy glow of the TV. Barefoot and sleepy, blinking up at him in those skimpy little after school clothes you’d always throw on.
It was a vision, something to settle his aching bones.
He thinks about how he started looking forward to it, coming home to you. It was sick, he knew that much, the fucked up little game of house he played, projected onto you. An old man like him leering at you, thinking of you long after you’d left, waving sweetly from the window of your moms car.
Joel should’ve known better. Should’ve done better. But that never stopped him before, not when it came to you.
A knock at the door pulls him from his thoughts. Two quick raps, followed by a heavy creak.
“Joel?” Tommy’s voice fills the trailer before he can even move, loud in the quiet. “You home?”
Joel sighs, brows pinching together as he pushes off the counter. He didn’t even hear the damn truck pull up.
Tommy rounds the corner, sweaty and covered in dirt. He’s got a ratty bandanna hanging from his jean pocket, sleeves pulled up around his shoulders and a pair of aviators covering his eyes.
“You ever heard of callin’ before you just barge in on someone?” Joel doesn’t try to hide the annoyance in his tone, brow arched as he stares at his brother.
“Hello to you too, jackass.” Tommy just walks past him like he owns the place, opening up one of the cabinets above the sink. “You gettin’ memory loss already, old man? You said Saturday.”
“Yeah, well now ain’t a good time, Tommy.” Joel cuts his eyes to the hall, to the light bleeding out from under the bathroom door.
Tommy just snorts, still rifling through the cabinet. “Yeah right, you got a woman over or somethin’?”
Joel doesn’t answer, eyes still fixed on that thin sliver of light glowing under the bathroom door like it might give him away.
Tommy catches on, turns slow with a shit-eating grin already stretching across his face. “You do have someone here.”
Joel gives him a hard look, one that should tell him to shut the hell up—but Tommy only laughs, knowing.
“C’mon,” he drawls. “Didn’t know you were even seein’ anybody. You been holdin’ out on me?”
“It ain’t like that,” Joel mutters, too fast, too defensive.
Tommy tilts his head, chewing on that like a dog with a bone. “Huh. So she’s not yours then?”
Joel doesn’t get the chance to answer. Before he can shoot back with something mean enough to shut him up. From down the hall, the bathroom door opens with a quiet click, and then—
Then you're back, smoothing your hands down your thighs as you reappear around the corner, voice drifting back into the space.
“Jesus, that sink is still running freezing cold water? I nearly put my-oh…” You’re clearly caught off guard, your eyes catching on where Tommy stands in front of the sink. “Tommy?”
Joel watches it click in real time—your eyes lighting up with recognition, mouth parting into a surprised smile like you’ve just stumbled on an old friend. Which, in a way, you have. Tommy was around a lot back then. Backyard beers, watching football on the TV, leaning against Joel’s truck while you wrangled Sarah inside for dinner.
“Well shit,” Tommy says, slow and low, pulling his sunglasses down. “That isn’t the little babysitter, is it?”
You smile, sheepish and sweet, and Joel feels something sour twist in his gut. “It’s been a while.”
“Yeah.” Joel watches Tommy take a good long look at you just like the one he did, eyes wide as his gaze rakes from your head down to the bare skin of your legs and back up all over again. “No kiddin’.”
It makes the space behind Joel’s ribs burn with something hot and ugly, Tommy’s eyes on you. Shameless and obvious as all hell. He might just be the biggest hypocrite in the country for it, but he can’t find it in himself to care.
“I didn’t know you were back in town,” Tommy goes on, leaning in like he can’t help himself. “You home for the summer?”
“Yeah, just for the summer,” you say brightly. “I thought I’d see if Joel needed help with Sarah again.”
“Oh, I bet he does,” Tommy says, and Joel’s had about enough of this.
“We were just finishing up,” Joel cuts in, his voice sharp enough to slice through the air. “She was about to head out.”
You don’t seem to notice the tension, if you do, you ignore it with grace that makes it worse somehow.
Your eyes flick to him, and for a second, Joel thinks maybe you notice something’s off. But your smile is still easy. “Yeah, I should probably get going.”
Joel gives a short nod and steps toward you before Tommy can open his mouth again. “I’ll walk you out, honey.”
You look between the two brothers for a second longer, then nod and head back into the living room, Joel right behind you. The sound of Tommy’s boots are hot on his heels, following.
You bend down to swipe your keys off the coffee table, not by much, just enough for your shirt to ride up and your shorts to dip low. Joel nearly swallows his tongue at the sight of lace. Bright pink, thin. A pathetic little scrap of fabric clinging to either side of your hips.
Joel’s throat goes dry, heat rolling under his skin like a slow burn, thick and unrelenting. You straighten back up, smooth the hem of your shirt down, but the damage is done. He feels that familiar ache stirring low in his belly, his cock twitching with interest in his sweats.
He doesn’t look at Tommy, he doesn’t need to. The quiet crunch of a beer can bending under a tight grip is all he needs to know that he isn’t the only one taking that lace peeking out from under those damn shorts as a neon sign flashing all the wrong kinds of welcome.
Joel barely has enough wherewithal to drag his eyes up to your face when you turn back around—that sweet, oblivious smile still pulling at your lips.
“Okay.” Your fingers toy with your keys, the metal soft and jangling in your palm. “Ready.”
Joel gives you a short nod, jaw tight. He doesn’t trust himself to speak.
Tommy, of course, steps in the silence, voice syrupy. “Hey, don’t be a stranger, alright? Good seein’ you again, sweetheart.”
You glance over your shoulder, lips parting into a lazy little grin. “You too, Tommy.”
Joel holds the door open for you, watching the way the light hits your shoulders, the back of your thighs, the little shadow that dips right at the curve of your spine.
The cicadas are buzzing, your car parked half crooked along the curb. You walk slow, gravel crunching under your sandals. Joel stays beside you, hands shoved deep in his pockets. The sun’s lower now, soft gold spilling across the lawn.
You open the car door, pausing with your hand on it. “That was…fun.”
Joel nods, biting back a frown. “Yeah, sorry about him. Tommy hasn’t got much of a filter.”
You laugh, shaking your head. “It’s okay, I missed you guys.”
Joel’s heart kicks hard in his chest. He’s not sure what to do with that.
“You know where to find us,” he says finally.
You nod, climbing into the car. The engine kicks up and the window rolls down.
“Thanks for the talk,” you say. “And the job, I’ll call you?”
Joel leans down a little, arms resting on the open window frame. You’re so close like this. Too close. He can smell the sweet perfume mixing with the bright tang of sweat on your skin.
“Of course,” he says, eyes flicking down to your lips. “I’ll be waiting.”
You smile. “It was nice seeing you, Joel.”
Joel watches you drive off, his reflection shrinking in your side mirror until he’s nothing but a speck in the dust your tires kick up.
He lets out another long breath, turning to walk up to steps. When he comes back inside, Tommy’s on the couch now, feet kicked up on Joel’s coffee table.
Joel shuts the door a little too hard behind him.
He lets out a low whistle. “Damn.”
“I told you,” Joel says, low and firm. “Now ain’t the time.”
Tommy’s grinning. “No shit it ain’t the time. Jesus, Joel. She’s what—twenty? Twenty one?”
“Somethin’ like that.” Joel says, arms crossed tightly over his chest.
“Oh, well never mind then, that makes it fine,” Tommy says, laughing. He cracks open the beer in his hand, taking a slow sip. “You’re outta your fuckin’ mind, you know that?”
Joel clenches his jaw, not bothering with an answer. His heavy silence speaks louder than any words could.
Tommy watches Joel closely, taking his silence for what it is and grinning wide enough to show off the sharp point of his canines. “She filled out real nice though, didn’t she?”
Joel shoots him a warning look, brows pinched together. “Don’t.”
Tommy holds his free hand up in surrender, but he’s still smirking. “All I’m sayin’ is—I remember when she was this pretty little thing runnin’ around here. Now—” He makes a vague gesture at his own chest. “—jailbait’s a whole lotta grown.”
Joel takes a step forward, hands clenched into fists at his side. “Watch your goddamn mouth.”
Tommy raises a brow, and the air goes real still between them for a beat. Joel knows his little brother—knows he’s testing the waters, seeing just how deep the river runs.
Joel shakes his eyes off him, walks to the kitchen and snatches his forgotten beer off the counter.
He hears Tommy chuckle again, more to himself than anything, his voice is louder so Joel can hear him. “You better watch yourself, man. That one? She’s trouble.”
Joel downs the rest of his beer in one long, bitter swallow, eyes peering out the window—locked on the road your car disappeared down. His voice, when it comes, is low and final.
“You got no idea.”
It’s almost too easy, falling back into the routine of it.
A few nights a week, just like before. Joel calls. You come over. The knock on the door doesn’t even feel necessary anymore, since Sarah already knows it’s you when she yanks it open and launches into talking before you’ve even stepped inside.
You know where the snacks are. The remote. You know how to work the tricky thermostat and still have all the emergency contacts scrawled on a paper tacked to the fridge memorized.
It all comes back like muscle memory—like no time has passed at all.
Sarah’s older now, a little more sarcastic. Witty and bolder in a way that surprises you sometimes, just enough edge in the way she talks to you that reminds you how much time has passed since you used to sit on the same couch and color. She’s brimming with the kind of secrets she’s aching to spill to someone she knows won’t tell her dad.
You’re still not quite a “grown-up” in her eyes, but you’re not a kid anymore either. You’re in that sweet spot—a cool older girl with her own car who lets her say things like shit and dickweed when Joel’s not around.
You’re not supposed to let her stay up this late, but you both pretend not to notice the clock. She’s curled up next to you on the couch, draped over the armrest only half watching the reruns you turned on with her chin propped on her palm.
"Can I ask you something?” Sarah says suddenly, grinning.
You narrow your eyes at her, mock suspicious. “You can, but I’m not promising I’ll answer.”
She laughs, kicking you gently with a socked foot. “Did you ever, like, sneak around when you were my age? Steal beer? Hook up with anyone?”
“Jesus, Sarah.” You raise your eyebrows, but she’s too amused to be embarrassed. You toss a throw pillow her way lazily. “You know your dad would kill me for answering that, right? He’d think I’m giving you ideas or something.”
“That’s not a no,” she sings, smirking.
“No comment.” You shake your head, smiling in spite of yourself. “I don’t need to give you any blackmail material to use on me later if I piss you off.”
“Please,” she huffs with a dramatic roll of her eyes. “I’d never narc on you like that. Besides, Dad still thinks I’m eight, I don’t even think he knows that I know what “hooking up” means.”
You laugh, shaking your head as you turn your attention back to the TV. “You’re his baby.” You shrug as a new episode of Daria starts. “It makes sense that he’s treating you like one.”
“Gross,” Sarah huffs again, letting her head fall back against the cushion to stare up at the ceiling. “He’s just so overprotective sometimes. I mean, I guess I get it but, come on? I’m basically in high school now, I’m not really a baby anymore.”
You glance over at her, and she isn’t. Not really. Not the gap toothed little girl who used to fall asleep on your shoulder watching Finding Nemo. She’s growing up in the kind of terrifying, beautiful way that makes your chest ache a little—already too smart for her own good.
She cracks her eyes open a bit, peering across the way at you. “Bet you noticed that when you were my age, right? When guys started looking at you differently.”
You blink. It’s not the words that shake you—it’s the timing. The way they hit, low and close to the bone.
Because yeah, you did notice. You still do. Especially now. Especially here.
Before you can say anything, the alarm you set on your phone blares loudly, cutting through the quiet.
“Alright!” You push her feet off your lap and stand, happy for the distraction as you clap your hands together. “That’s curfew.”
Sarah groans, but she rolls off the couch with no argument and starts down the hall.
You busy yourself with tidying up the living room as she brushes her teeth, pointedly ignoring the growing pit in your stomach. Her words ring in your ears like church bells, her voice tolling a little too close to something you’ve pointedly ignored since you got back. Something half buried and dangerous.
Bet you noticed that when you were my age, right? When guys started looking at you differently…
You breathe out slowly, shutting off the TV and dropping the remote onto the couch a little harder than necessary. You shouldn’t read into it. She didn’t mean anything by it. Just a kid mouthing off, reaching for connection, for understanding.
But it rattles you more than you want to admit, especially here—especially in his house.
You swallow hard, clearing the dirty dishes off the coffee table and walking into the kitchen. You just won’t think about it anymore, it’s that easy.
You're just being ridiculous. Paranoid. That's all.
A little while later, you’re still tidying up.
The dishes are all done, washed and drying in the rack next to the sink. The living room looks better than when you got here. It’s damn near pristine.
Sarah went to bed almost half an hour ago. You crane your head down the hallway as you fold an old blanket, her door is cracked open enough that you can see the light from her alarm clock shining in the dark. The soft sounds of waves drone quietly from her noise machine.
You smile, a warm fondness blooming in your chest.
That fuzzy feeling doesn’t last long, not when your eyes drift almost on their own, landing on Joel’s door.
Joel’s room.
It’s cracked open too, just like Sarah’s, but there’s no light shining from inside. You keep folding the blanket, distracted. It’s not like you haven’t been in Joel’s room before, you have. Passing through it with clean loads of laundry or sneaking his phone charger from the plug near his nightstand when your phone died.
But you’d never gone in alone, and you’d never stayed long. Sarah was always hot on your heels, catching your wrist in her tiny hand to drag you back out—following you around like an overexcited puppy. Not to mention it was always in the light of day, never at a time like this. When the moon is shining high in the sky and the stars are scattered across vast velvety darkness like spilled sugar.
You drape the folded blanket along the arm of the couch, eyes still glued to the door. The cogs in your mind turn and turn, spitting out an idea that has your stomach clenching with something you can’t quite put your finger on.
You gnaw on your bottom lip anxiously, eyes cutting to the clock above the door.
11:53
Joel told he’d be a while tonight, before he left. He said they’d be short a man, that the job would drag on because of it.
That’s not an excuse, you know that.
You shouldn’t. You really shouldn’t.
Your feet are moving before your brain can catch up to how bad of an idea this really is.
Your steps are silent on the linoleum, barefeet not making a sound. The wood of his door is dark and shiny, cool against your hand when you lay your palm over it. You give Sarah’s room another sideways glance, you can see the shape of her beneath the covers. Sound asleep.
The door creaks when you push it open, just barely. The sound isn’t enough to scare you off, and you step inside. The carpet is plush under you, it silences your steps even more as you walk to the nightstand and flick the light on.
Your heart pounds against your ribs as you take it in. The messy, unmade state of Joel’s bed. The covers are thrown back, there’s a dip in the pillow where his head rests. The nightstand has a paperback open and laying face down, a pair of wiry reading glasses resting next to it.
The room smells like him.
That scent that used to cling to you by accident when you were younger—clean cotton and cedar, a little motor oil and sweat, and whatever body wash he’s been using for years. It hits you all at once.
It has something stirring in your core, the familiarity of it. You look around some more, greedy eyes taking in every tiny detail you can. There’s a few paintings and framed pictures littering the walls. Pictures of Sarah, of Tommy, all kinds of different Texas landscapes.
An old guitar rests on the wall across from you, you can see that it’s a little beat up even from where you’re standing. The glossy wood chipped and well loved.
Then your eyes land on the dresser.
It’s old, stained a light brown. You wonder distantly if he built it himself.
Your gaze catches on the top drawer, the pull handle worn with use.
Again, you know it’s wrong. That you’ve already crossed every line imaginable by just being in here, but you seem full to bursting with bad ideas tonight.
You’re across the room with your fingers resting gently on the handle before you can even blink. Slowly, like something’s pulling you on a leash, you slide it open.
Socks. Boxers. Old, ratty belts. It’s nothing special, but heat climbs up the back of your neck all the same.
The next drawer has shirts, old band tees and fancier button downs that really should be hung up. You press your hand against one of them, feeling the starchy fabric beneath your skin.
The third drawer sticks a little, enough that you need to yank on it harder than the last two. It slides open with a dull thud. You wince, your eyes flicking to the door like Joel could be standing there, catching you rifling through his underwear like a sick little perv.
The darkness of the hallway is all that greets you. Quiet, empty.
You take a steadying breath, but your hands don’t stop trembling as you tug it the rest of the way open.
You’re not sure exactly what you’re looking for, but then, you see it.
There, tucked toward the back under a couple old flannels, a small stack of magazines.
Playboys. A couple Hustlers. From the look of them, they're mostly 90s, maybe early 2000s. It’s so vintage, so Joel. The covers are glossy, edges curled and worn.
Your breath hitches. The heat between your legs is instant, sharp and impossible to ignore.
You pull one out, heart hammering, and flip it open carefully. Your eyes skim over picture after picture, some of the pages sticking together as you thumb through them. The scent of paper and dust and something faintly musky drifts up, and the centerfold you finally land on is obscene—posed, yes, but raw in a way that makes your thighs press together.
Legs spread wide on a bearskin rug, pink mouth parted, full bush and glossy nipples.
She’s brunette, hair poofy and curled up to Jesus like they used those big old school rollers. Her eyes are the same color as yours, half lidded and covered in a sparkly blue shadow.
You glance down at the caption under her photo.
“Turn-ons: Older men. The kind that know how to use their hands.”
A shiver rolls down your spine.
You should be laughing. Maybe grossed out. But instead—
Instead you imagine Joel, sitting in this room, flipping through these pages alone. Hand between his legs. That rough, big, calloused hand. Not fast, not frantic. No, you imagine him slow.
Measured.
Probably gritting his teeth, because he seems like the type who doesn’t let himself sound desperate even when he is. Grunting softly. Breathing hard. Coming into a tissue or his palm or maybe just letting it land on his stomach. Because there’s no one here to see. No one to touch him. Just him and the sound of paper turning.
You shut the magazine too fast. Slide it back in place, heart pounding.
Before you can push the drawer closed, your eyes catch on one of the flannels that covered Joel’s little secret.
It’s an old one—soft looking, broken in, a faded green and black. You should put it back, lay it down exactly where you found it so there’s nothing even hinting at you digging around in places you shouldn’t.
Instead, your hand closes around it, and without letting yourself think too long, you hold it up to your nose.
God. It smells like him. Like his detergent, like summer sweat and wood and something faintly smokey. Warm and safe and so damn inappropriate in every possible way.
It’s too much, it’s not enough. It’s obscene.
You can’t help yourself, you push the rest of the flannels back over the magazines, but the one in your hand gets tucked under your arm.
You don’t even try to justify it. You don’t even look back.
You don’t touch yourself right away.
You wait. You ride the buzz all the way home. Eat a popsicle standing barefoot in your kitchen, flannel in a heap on the counter like a loaded gun. You pretend to forget about it. You go about your night like normal. Shower. Brush your teeth.
Then you’re in bed and it’s just there. Laying on your mattress.
You unfold it. Run your fingers over the soft, worn fabric. You should feel guilty. You do, but that doesn’t stop you from pressing it to your nose and inhaling a deep lungful. You crawl into bed, tearing your shirt off and kicking your shorts down your legs all at once.
You lay back against your sheets, flannel still clutched in your hands. You rub it along your chest, over your peaked nipples, down your stomach. Rubbing Joel’s scent into your skin like it’s your own personal brand.
Your free hand slides down your body, down the lacy fabric of your panties. You’re already wet. You’ve been wet since the minute you opened that drawer.
You close your eyes, fingertips teasing along the wet expanse of your pussy as you let your mind go there—
To the thought of Joel finding you like this.
His flannel draped over your face. Your hand between your thighs.
Would he be mad? Would he punish you for it?
Would he take it back? Rip it out of your hands?
Or would he make you put it on—just so he could see you wear it while he ruined you?
You want to come like this. Wrapped up in something of his. Want to ruin yourself in it. You dip your fingers into your underwear and finally—finally—brush them over your clit.
The gasp you let out is sharp.
It’s not just his cologne. It’s his scent. That hot-skin smell that clings to the inside of his hats and his truck and his work boots. It’s Joel, soaked into the fabric like he’s holding you down.
You rub slow circles over your clit, hips twitching. You can’t stop picturing him. Not just his face, but the sounds he’d make. The weight of his body over yours. The way his voice would rasp against your ear if he caught you doing this.
“Dirty fuckin’ girl, so desperate you’re gettin’ off with my dirty laundry?”
You slide two fingers inside yourself and gasp, mouth falling open. You imagine his hands instead. Rough, thick, calloused. Bigger than yours. Slower. Crueler.
“Oh fuck, Joel—” you whisper without thinking, the name catching on your teeth like a sin.
You come hard, pressing the flannel to your face, thighs trembling, biting down on soft cotton as you ride it out. It rolls through you in hot waves. Shame, lust, guilt, need—all tangled up.
When it’s over, you lie there panting, the room silent except for your heartbeat in your ears. You relax your jaw, the flannel falling from between your lips, fabric soaked with your spit.
You drift off with it clutched to your chest. Still wet between your legs. Still aching. Still imagining what he’d do if he ever found out.
And you sleep better than you have in weeks.
You don’t think anything of it when you see Joel’s truck parked in front of the trailer. It’s not out of the ordinary, he’s almost always there to make sure you get in safe before he leaves.
You climb the creaky steps and knock like usual. Three little raps, your knuckles against the thin aluminum of Joel’s door, already shifting your weight to the side as you wait for Sarah to yank it open and start catching you up on all the latest gossip from her last summer soccer practice.
Only—it doesn't swing open. Not right away.
You frown, Sarah’s usually opened the door before you can even raise your fist to knock again. It’s only then that you notice how quiet it is.
No music thumping out from her window, no light flicked on in her room. No hum of the TV playing. No voice yelling “Just a second!” from down the hall. Just the light hanging above your head buzzing faintly and the dull thud of your knuckles against the door.
You knock for a fourth time, less sure.
A few more seconds go by. One, two, three, four.
You count all the way to ten before the door creaks open, the screen with it. Joel fills the frame, one shoulder leaning against it. The light floods out from behind him, a warm yellow glow spilling into the dark and haloing around his broad shoulders.
He’s not dressed in work clothes, just an old grey short sleeve and a pair of jeans that ride dangerously low on his hips—a beer bottle held loosely in his left hand. He doesn’t even have shoes on.
You’re hit with a violent wash of déjà vu, your traitorous mind thinking back to the first day you saw him again.
“Hey,” you say as casually as you can, shifting on your feet. You peer around him into the living room. Empty. “Where’s Sarah?”
Joel doesn’t move, head tilting as he watches you. “She’s stayin’ over at a friends.”
You blink. “Oh.”
“Yeah. Oh.” The corner of Joel’s mouth raises slightly, it’s not quite a smirk, but it’s close. “I texted. You didn’t check your phone?”
You shake your head slowly, but you can’t help the way your brows furrow. You had checked it, right before you left your house, like you awake do. No calls. No texts.
“I must’ve missed it.”
Joel gives you a lazy once over, eyes dragging down your front like a slow lick. “Huh,” he says, but it’s far away. “Guess you might as well come in anyway, wouldn’t want you to waste your time comin’ out here for nothin’.”
He steps aside, holding the door open expectantly.
“It’s fine, really.” You laugh, but it’s awkward. “I can just go—”
“Come inside.”
He says it low. Not a suggestion.
You hesitate for half a second, nerves suddenly scraping just beneath your skin. But you step in anyway, brushing past him into the cool dimness of the trailer, the familiar scent of cedar, beer, and Joel hitting your nose all at once.
The door shuts behind you with a heavy click.
Joel walks past you, sets his beer down on the coffee table before his eyes find yours again. You can see his face better in the light of the living room, his eyes are hard. Dark in a way you haven’t seen in a long time. It has your stomach clenching tightly, the sour edge of alarm churning with arousal inside you.
“It’s good you’re here. We oughta talk.”
You open your mouth, then shut it. His tone is strange—off—but not angry. Amused, almost. You wring your hands behind your back anxiously. “Everything okay?”
“Yeah,” he says, voice low, rough, “I been meanin’ to ask you somethin’. Just been waitin’ for the right time.”
You frown. “Ask me what?”
Joel drags the silence out. He watches you try not to squirm, mouth tilted in another half smirk.
"You go through my shit, baby?"
Your heart trips three times over in your chest, stomach dropping down to your feet. “I—what?”
Joel huffs hard out his nose, that smug smirk spreads. It’s all teeth now, feral and amused. “Did I stutter?”
You’re shaking now, hands trembling in time with the frantic beat of your pulse. “I just thought—I didn’t think you—”
Joel clicks his tongue, cutting you off. “Yeah that’s the problem, ain’t it? You didn’t think.” He takes one slow step toward you, eyes locked on yours, heavy and dark and hot enough to burn.
“It’s real funny,” he says offhandedly, too casual—like you’re talking about this week’s forecast. “There’s only a few people who’ve been in and outta here lately. And I know Tommy ain’t the one riflin’ through my drawers, takin’ shit that doesn't belong to him. I ain’t dumb, baby.”
Your mouth opens and closes desperately, mind racing to say anything. To lie, to defend yourself, to beg for forgiveness. Nothing comes out. Your throat works around nothing, and your hands are clenched so tightly behind your back they’re going numb.
Joel just hums. A low, throaty sound that vibrates down your spine. His fingers curl under the hem of your shirt, lifting it slightly, just enough to show the little strip of skin above your shorts. “You touch yourself in it?”
The question punches the air from your lungs. You don’t need to ask him what it is.
“I—Joel—”
“Don’t try lyin’ to me.”
Your face burns. You can’t bring yourself to nod, let alone speak. You don’t have to.
Joel laughs—dark and low, like he already knows the answer. He trails his hand along the skin of your stomach, his touch featherlight. You can’t hide the shiver that wracks through you, goosebumps pebbling along your skin.
His hand falls away, only so he can drop down onto the couch behind him. Legs wide, thighs spread, jeans tugging tight across them as he leans back like he’s settling in for a show. His voice is pure gravel. “Go on, then. Show me what you did.”
You just stand there. Eyes wide. “What?”
Your voice shakes, quiet and small in the tension.
Joel shakes his head, sighing like he’s dealing with a stubborn child. He hooks one finger in the waistband of your shorts, tugging. You move without thinking, stepping into the space between his spread thighs.
“See, I don’t wanna have to ask you again, baby. So, are you gonna show me?” he says slowly, his touch dipping low enough to brush over the lacy edge of your panties. “Or am I gonna have to make you?”
Your breath catches in your throat, heat flooding your body in less than a second. “Joel—”
He cocks a brow. “What’s wrong, sweet thing? You were bold enough to sneak into my room, go through my drawers, take what don’t belong to you. Don’t get shy now.”
You feel it then—that impossible to ignore, deep, slick throb between your legs. Shame and heat twisting up your insides. Your whole being pulses with heat, phantom flames lapping over your skin.
You don’t know if you’re more humiliated or turned on—your body doesn’t seem to care either way. Joel hasn’t taken his eyes off you.
There’s no way out of this. And you’re not even sure if you want one.
You bite your lip, cheeks burning as your fingers trail down your belly, under your shorts and down between your thighs. Already wet. Slick with the shame of it, slick with how bad you want him watching you.
Joel swats your hip, not hard enough to sting. Just enough to make you feel it. “No ma’am, none of that shit. Shorts off.”
You freeze, your hand still buried under the waistband, your pulse thudding in your ears like a war drum. Apparently, you don’t move fast enough, not for him, and Joel’s already leaning forward, hands on your hips as he yanks them down himself—your shorts and panties in one brutal tug.
“Fuckin’ brat,” he mutters, almost to himself, dragging the fabric down your thighs and letting it pool at your ankles.
Your breath hitches as he sits back again, arms draped lazily over the back of the couch, dark eyes fixed on the wet heat between your thighs like he’s starving.
You step out of your clothes, naked from the waist down, cheeks burning, heart beating so hard it’s making you lightheaded.
Joel tips his chin toward the floor. “Go on.”
Your stomach flips. You’re sure he can see it, the way your chest heaves, nipples pressing hard into the thin fabric of your top. Your hand drifts between your legs again, slow and shaky. Joel’s eyes follow every motion. Every tremble.
Your middle finger dips down and slides through your folds, slow. You let out a shaky breath. You brush over your clit, and twitch, hips jerking without meaning to.
“That’s it.” Joel nods, his hands clenched into fists. “See how easy it was, sugar? Feel’s good, doesn't it?”
“Yes,” you whisper, your voice threadbare. You’re rubbing yourself faster now, pressure building fast. “It feels so good, Joel.”
Joel groans at his name falling from your lips. “I bet it does. Bet you fucked your fingers into that tight little cunt while smellin’ me on the collar of that damn shirt. You nasty little thing.”
You nod, barely, lips parted as you circle your clit again, breath hitching on contact.
“I should spank your ass red for that,” he growls. “Should bend you over my lap like a fuckin’ child. You need discipline, don’t you?”
Your knees nearly give. “Joel. Please—”
He cuts you off again, gesturing lazily to where your hand disappears between your thighs. “Open her up. Let me see.”
You press two fingers between your folds, spreading them apart so he can see your glistening pussy, sticky and swollen from just a few strokes.
“Goddamn,” Joel groans, reaching down to adjust the thick shape of his cock hard under his jeans. “She’s fuckin’ drippin’. That for me, baby?”
You nod, lips slack as your thighs tremble.
“Yeah,” he drawls, stretching the word like out taffy between his teeth. “That’s real pretty.”
You moan at that. Loud and desperate. Your touch dip that much lower to push one finger inside. Then another, like you just can’t help yourself. You’re so wet there’s no resistance, your pussy welcoming them in like it’s done this a hundred times thinking of him. Slick drips down your thighs, shining under the light of the lamp.
Joel licks his lips slowly, deliberately. “Look at that.” He leans forward, pupils wide and dark as an oil spill. “Just a little rub like that, a little stretch and you’re already makin’ a mess.”
You whimper, hips rocking against your hand. “Joel, I—”
“Give yourself another finger. Show me how you take it”
You grind down onto your own fingers, mouth slack with soft moans that breathe to life before you can muffle them. You press in a third finger. The stretch burns, but you don’t stop. You’re panting now, skin dewy, hips jerking forward to meet your hand. Joel watches like a man starved.
He grins, smug and handsome and infuriating. “Yeah, three feels nice don’t it, honey?” He reaches out, his hand sliding up your thigh in one slow motion, lazy and unhurried through the slick. “Bet you could take my whole fuckin’ fist if you wanted it real bad.”
A pathetic little whine fills the air, more of a mewl than anything. It takes you a second to realize you’re the one making the noise, so desperate and gone from the tiniest amount of touch. It makes your walls clamp down harder around your fingers.
Joel sees. Joel knows.
And it’s all he needs to finally break.
“Come here,” he growls suddenly, jerking his head impatiently.
You scramble over, straddling him, bare thighs spread over his denim clad ones. Joel undoes his belt with one hand, the clink of the metal making your pulse trip. He pulls himself out of his soaked boxers, hard and straining, the rosy head drooling precome onto his shirt when it slaps up to rest against his stomach.
Your mouth falls open at the sight of it, flushed and big. Bigger than you’ve ever seen, outside of guilty late night porn searches.
Joel chuckles darkly, taking himself in his hand. He strokes himself slowly, twisting his wrist over the head. “You think you can take all this?” he taunts meanly, dragging the tip through your folds, wetting himself with your slick. “You’re just a baby, sweetheart. You think you can handle this dick?”
You moan as he rubs himself over your sensitive clit, warm and wet. Your hips twitch down, desperate for more. Your pussy clenches around nothing, overwhelmingly empty.
He slaps your ass, hard. He kneads the tender skin in his rough hand after, dragging out the sting. “How old am I? Tell me, honey. Say it.”
You gasp, eyes screwing shut in embarrassment. “Fifty–ah! Fifty three,” you breathe, not looking Joel in the eye as you say it.
You can’t, not with the humiliation coursing through your veins like pure kerosine. It’s white hot, burning so bright, but it’s still not enough to stop your pussy from dripping sticky all over his cock like a broken faucet.
“Damn right,” he growls. “Old enough to be your fuckin’ daddy.”
Joel thrusts into you in one brutal push.
You scream. Your nails dig into his shoulders hard enough that you feel the thin material of his shirt straining under it. The stretch feels like it’s tearing you in two, like your fingers didn’t do anything to prepare you for his cock carving a place for itself inside you.
Joel kisses you, sucks the noise right off your tongue. He tastes like beer, like sweat and salt and something that’s only him. You moan into his mouth, your fingers threading into the soft hair curling at the nape of his neck.
He pulls back, a string of spit connecting your lips until it bends and breaks under the weight of gravity. “Come on, darlin’.” He slaps your ass again—once, twice—and you squeal, the burn sharp and perfect. “You wanted to fuck me so bad you couldn’t keep those thievin’ hands to yourself, huh? Well now’s your chance. Fuck me, give it to me good.”
You don’t ease into it, too worked to even think about starting slow.
You bounce on his lap like you’re possessed, thighs slapping, slick drenching his jeans. Joel groans with every roll of your hips, low and drawn out. He lets his head fall back against the couch, the tan column of his throat on display.
“Been waitin’ for this,” he pants. “Since the day you showed back up. Actin’ all grown. Look at you now. Cryin’ on my cock.”
You’re drooling. Dizzy. Brain turned to static as you ride him, his hands gripping your hips so tight you know you’ll bruise.
“You’re so fuckin’ tight,” he growls, raising his head to watch you. “This pussy wasn’t made for boys your age. Needs a man to stretch it out. To ruin it.”
You whine, your pussy tightening around the throbbing length of his cock. Joel notices, of course he does.
His hands grip your ass, urging your hips up and down faster. “You like that, sweet thing? You like lettin’ an old man fuck you raw like this?”
“Yes,” you whine, tears burning at your water line. “I love it, want you to come inside me so bad Joel, fuck-”
“I know, baby.” Joel kisses your cheek, softly. Too soft, too tender. “You ain’t ever gonna want some college boy after this. You’re gonna be thinkin’ about how Mr. Miller fucked you open better than they could.”
Your moan is muffled by his fingers pushing between your slack lips, filling your mouth. You whine at the taste of yourself coating his skin, sucking obediently as he presses them down on your tongue.
“Gonna make you mine,” he pants. “Mine. No more sneakin’ around, no more stealin’ my shit—you want something, you ask for it like a big girl, and I’ll fuckin’ give it to you.”
You shake your head, babbling around his fingers. “Yes—yes, only you. I’m yours—”
You can feel your orgasm building deep in your belly, the coil of pleasure tightening and tightening until it threatens to snap.
Joel rips his fingers from your mouth with a dark growl, reaching back down to grip your ass again. He spreads you open, the cool air making you gasp. One finger, wet with your own spit, rubs over your rim.
He doesn’t push in—just teases, circling, pressing, tugging—enough to make you clench and cry out as he starts pounding up into you. His hips lifting off the couch and filling the room with the loud noise of skin on skin as his balls slap against your ass with every thrust. Your pussy squelching around him with dirty, wet noises would make your ears burn if you weren’t so far gone already.
“You gonna let me play with this too?” he murmurs, lips brushing against your. “You lettin’ me train this hole next?”
That’s it. It’s all you can take.
You shatter with a scream, pussy squeezing so tight it makes Joel snarl and buck wildly up into you. He grabs your ass, choking out a strained string of “fuck, fuck, fuck—”
He curses, pulls you down hard onto his cock one last time as he spills inside you, so deep you swear you feel it behind your ribs. His head drops to your shoulder, breath ragged as he comes and comes.
It feels endless, spurt after spurt of hot spend flooding your walls until it’s forced to leak back out along the fever hot skin of his cock, slipping down his balls to drip onto the couch.
It’s filthy.
It’s obscene.
It’s exactly what you wanted.
You both lean into each other, breathless and spent as you come down. Sweat drips down your back, rolling down your spine as your hands stay buried in his hair.
Joel strokes your thigh lazily, still inside you, watching the mess drip down where you’re spread open around him.
“You’re stayin’ the night,” he says simply.
You can’t fight the tiny, secret smile you press against the sweaty skin of his throat as you nod wordlessly, thighs still shaking violently around his hips.
You’d never make it to the door anyway.

MINI NAT'S NOTE: what's so funny to me about this is that i didn't realize how much i actually missed writing for joel until i took a little mini break to work on my other frankie and harry fics like it’s so dramatic truly, but baby we’re so back! back and hopefully pissing off the joel age gap haters!
shoutouts to baby rylea for giving me the flannel idea cause this fic might have been lost without it. it was rescued from being just another abandoned wip and instead turned into a literal monster which was never supposed to happen but uh that's chill i guess…two fics over 10k words in one month? that’s literally unheard of over here. ALSO my first venture into ass play to spite @ebodebo and @yuenity sooo that’s fun. i love them both really LMAO
once again it's four a.m because i just can't function like a normal person. thank you to femme bot by charli xcx, pink red bull, and ofc my geeky bar for letting me power through and finish this mess. okay i'm done now sorry for talking so much, i just love yapping to you guys :(( thank you so much for reading, love you!

#— 𝘯𝘢𝘵𝘢𝘭𝘪𝘢 𝘸𝘳𝘪𝘵𝘦𝘴 ♡#ᯓ★ 𝐧𝐚𝐭'𝐬 𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐥 𝐣𝐨𝐞𝐥 𝐦𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐫!#natalia can’t write anything under 1.000 words#this is...#i know the joel tumblrinas will match my freak#match my freak goddammit!#match it!#love you mwah#joel miller x reader#joel miller x you#joel miller x female reader#joel miller x y/n#joel miller fanfiction#joel miller fanfic#joel miller fic#joel miller smut#tlou x reader#tlou smut#the last of us smut#pedro pascal x you#pedro pascal x reader#pedro pascal smut
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☆.°*Dating Bob Headcanons*°.☆
pairing: bob reynolds x f!reader word count: 1.3k a/n: just a few of my headcanons for what it would be like to be in a relationship with bob!! if you'd like to see more let me know! warnings: mention of therapy, addiction, memory loss- anything that would've been in thunderbolts*
☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・inbox・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆
Ironically, I think Bob is a guy that is comfortable with what life hands him and outside going to Malaysia to try to find himself (or more drugs) he's resigned to accept whatever the universe throws at him- both good and bad. I don't think he'd be the type to join a dating app or feel a hole in the place of where a partner should be unless he began to fall for someone around him. Meaning, the two of you would have likely met in his past or you were a member of the New Avengers.
Unless you have the most enviable confidence on the planet, your friendship budding into more would have been a SLOWWWW burn.
As much as the team picks on Bob (with love), they would be very wary of you starting a relationship with him.
If you were on the team, once they got the inkling that you had feelings for one another, they would iterate to you a million times that you had to be sure about this. You would have to be serious about a future with him: no games. You breaking Bob's heart could send him into an episode that not only hurt him, but everyone else.
I think there are two scenarios to the start of your relationship: either you made the first move or he did- but it was only made possible by the reassurance of the team that you would actually say yes to him.
"Well I don't know guys," he'd argue , fiddling with his sleeve. "What if she doesn't-"
"She could not have been more obvious!" Yelena laughs.
"But-"
"Bob, you have a hot girl with super powers in love with you." John would say. "Do something about it or I will."
And obviously the idea of John making a move on you would be enough to propel him into confessing (a bit awkwardly) his feelings for you.
I think a lot of the first moves would be on you to initiate, because as much as he would want to kiss you and sleep in your bed (and more), he would be so afraid of you saying no or making you uncomfortable that he would hesitate.
King of Consent. If he did make the first move on you it would be because he asked you first. In the first few months of your relationship it's rare that he would touch you without asking.
Oh my god. I think if Bob had friends from his past that he still sometimes spoke to (now that he's clean and in a better mental state, I imagine him trying to patch up old wounds with good friends), he would ask you if it was okay if he told people you were together (as if you'd be embarrassed to be dating him)
You'd take a photo together and he would nervously ask if he could send it to this old friend from childhood and your heart would just swell.
"Of course, Bob. Tell him I say hi."
You would catch him smiling at the photo on his phone- a sweet closed mouth one- as he sent it to his friend.
Sent: Me and my girlfriend :)
Even if you're usually a people pleaser, when it comes to Bob, you'd have to become his biggest advocate because no one is more of a people pleaser than him. Recall when he was in the facility and offered to stay back and die for the convenience of everyone else? Yeah.
Sometimes Bob would ask you to come to his therapy appointments with him so you could fill in the gaps in his memory for his therapist.
You would also join some sessions at his behest because he wasn't always 100% transparent with his doctor and having you there encouraged him to be more honest (not only because you could tell when he was lying, but because he wanted to be better for you.)
Bob has an addictive personality so he doesn't drink anymore, but if you go out for the night, he'll ask Yelena to go with you just to make sure you're safe.
Yelena, who was going out with you anyway and would rather die than let you get hurt, would just pout.
"You are so. adorable." She'd sigh. "But yes. I will watch her."
NYC may get cold in the winter months, but you have a human heater in the form of Bob who would gladly take your freezing hands in yours, bring them to his lips and blow hot air on them to warm you up.
Speaking of the colder months, this man LOVES a hot cocoa. Bob doesn't love the crowds at festivals or markets because all the noises, people, touching can be overwhelming but he'll bear them with you if he can turn his brain off with a hot chocolate in hand and let you guide him.
He blushes bright red when you wipe his milk mustache away with your finger then pop it in your mouth.
When you giggle at his pink cheeks he blames it on the cold (sure bob).
He doesn't get jealous as much as he gets insecure. If Bob saw another man get touchy with you or you laugh at his jokes, he wouldn't be angry, but he would start questioning if he was good enough for you.
Although the sentry serum gave him a lean, muscular build, he would still compare himself to Bucky and Walker. Walker may have been an asshole, but Bucky was nice, successful, conventionally attractive and more stable than him. What did he bring to the table?
When you caught him second guessing himself, you'd be quick to snap him out of it: reminding him that there was no one else in the world for you besides him.
Now if you, got jealous- he'd be shocked.
A new intern would start working for Valentina and you could just see it in her eyes: she wanted him. It didn't matter that you were an Avenger yourself or that Bob would never in a million years be the type to cheat on you, you could feel the heat bubbling in your chest just threatening to boil to the surface.
When you butt into the conversation, placing a hand against his chest and introducing yourself as his girlfriend he didn't even know what to do. The girl, not keen enough to compete with an Avenger, took the hint and went on her way.
"What was that?" He'd ask.
"I don't know what you're talking about, Bob."
You'd just humph and go back to whatever it was you were doing and Bob would be left there with his face red, scratching the back of his neck knowing he's got the most amazing woman on the planet (Time Magazine's issue on the New Avengers made that a blatant fact) jealous over him.
His room is probably pretty bland. Because of his past and the most recent thing he did pre-experiment being back-packing, I imagine that he doesn't very have many things. Whether it be clothes, games, knickknacks- you name it- he probably started out with close to nothing and everything he has now has only been accumulated since joining the team.
Because of this, when you two share a bed it would probably be in your room. He likes the character of it and how it reflects your personality and interests. It makes him feel safe, loved, and homey in a way none of the things from his past ever could with the negative memories tied to them.
If you're not home, he'll text you updates about everything he's doing that day.
10:57: Good morning :)
11:31: Had a bagel for breakfast.
12:45: The fridge is making a weird sound.
3:22: I finished my book. There was a cliffhanger :0
4:10: Miss you :)
And that's just a little bit of the cute little life I think you'd have in a relationship with Bob :)
☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆
hi!! first set of headcanons for our man bob!! if you're interested in more or have some other headcanons besides just general dating ones you'd like to see- my inbox is always open!! xx
#bob x reader#thunderbolts#bob reynolds x reader#robert reynolds x reader#sentry x reader#bob headcanons#bob fluff#bob reynolds#robert reynolds#bob thunderbolts#bob thunderbolts x reader#thunderbolts fanfiction#mcu fanfiction#thunderbolts bob x reader#bob reynolds fanfiction
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