#had several conversations on the future of our relationship and of course many more conversations when our feelings have been hurt or we

[voiceshearingyouloud]

I’m always wary of saying my partner and I have good communication because since everyone talks about communication as the most important thing and saving grace of a relationship I’ve kind of mythologised it in my head and been like well, there’s no way we’re that good at this. But then I remember that communication is the process of continually talking about your feelings when you’re hurt or when you need something or when you’re happy, and talking about what your plans are for the future of your relationship and your thoughts on your past together and I’m like. Yeah we do kind of ace it on that

[sxypigeon]

Lunch Interrupted - A Wenclair story

A/N: Is it too much to ask to have her new girlfriend to herself before announcing their relationship to the world?

Yes, it is.

Wednesday gets over herself much to Enid's amusement.

___

“Please tell me you didn’t actually- What am I saying?  Of course you did,” Bianca muttered to herself.  “You know it actually explains a few things.”

I wasn’t given the chance to ask what exactly the siren meant - I’d have to interrogate her later about how my childhood experience of being held captive and witnessing an aunt die by electrocution might have affected my young psyche.

“Hey, Enid!  Do you have a minute?”

Since returning to school, Enid has endured many new solicitations for her attention.  Ever the kind hearted monster, my wolf has been patient and kind to all . . . deserved or not.

“Sure.”  The werewolf leaned into Wednesday with a comforting, slightly-clawed hand on her shoulder as Enid stood and stepped over the bench seat.  The two steps she took from the table still allowed their conversation to be heard.

Many of these solicitors wouldn’t have given Enid the time of day six months ago, but feel entitled to her time now, as if they were doing her an honor by conversing with her.  The other werewolves are easily the worst offenders, both in number and entitlement.

Wednesday raised her gaze from her meal and met Yoko’s unimpressed look from across the table.  Both of them had similar feelings about Enid’s new found popularity.  They had a loose agreement, that Enid of course was unaware of, to cover for one another if either decided to follow up with any of the would be suitors. . . Yoko unfortunately insisted on light maiming only.    

“I was wondering if you had any plans for spring break,” the stocky, interloping wolf asked the blonde.  The confidence in his purposely lowered voice made Wednesday almost cringe.

I can’t see either of them, which I suppose is some relief.  I doubt I’d be able to remain seated otherwise.  The last time one of them dared to touch my beloved - well, Enid was adamant I take the violence down several notches in the future.

“I do actually-” Enid started to say brightly.

“My pack is hosting the jamboree this year!” he practically shouted over her.  “It’ll be a great way to network with the biggest clans . . . maybe even find a mate.”

At the beginning of the semester, I promised Enid I wouldn’t consciously act in a way that would put myself at risk of expulsion.  I have never wanted to break that promise more in my life.

Keeping her cool, as always, Enid kept her voice light.  “That sounds super fun, but I’m going to be spending the week with a friend.”

We haven’t exactly announced our relationship to the public.  Her- our friends know, but Enid has yet to post it to her blog at my request.  I know for a fact Pugsley follows her and I don’t plan on allowing my parents to know I have fallen victim to love’s nefarious clutches just yet.  I need time to mentally prepare myself for their inevitable onslaught of affection and knowing smirks from my mother.

His tone was dismissive, “But you can see your friends anytime, the jamboree only happens once a year!  You don’t want to miss out on a chance to-”

I have to tune the whining whelp out if I want to avoid violence.  That was the crux of the problem, I’ve always solved my problems offensively - physically or verbally and I’ve yet to find a suitable alternative.  Threats are my life blood and without them I feel lost.

Enid’s attempt to shake him off was starting to sound strained, “I appreciate the offer, really, but-”

This problem is my own making - if I’d just let go of my desire for privacy . . . The solution is laughably simple.  

Yoko, who looked on the verge of interrupting the wolves, shot Wednesday a look of warning as the seer suddenly stood and stepped up to roommate.

“Enid,” Wednesday cut in,  “I’ve forgotten something in our room and have to leave.”

“What?  Wends-”  Enid’s face was crestfallen, on the verge of distraught.

“I will make it up to you tonight, I promise.”  

Looking up into her dejected eyes is near agony.  I will absolutely keep that promise.

Before leaving, the seer reached up to cradle her wolf’s face between her hands, gently pulling her down just a bit into a kiss.

Enid’s gasp of surprise sends a jolt of confidence down my spine and is all the encouragement I need to pull her addictive body closer.  For a moment, I feel like growling, as if I’m the wolf staking her claim on her mate.  Enid’s hands tight on my hips are all the acceptance I crave.  

Behind us, I hear the vampire coughing violently, likely from Yoko inhaling her meal.  The rest of the lunchroom has gone quiet save for poorly concealed whispers, but the obnoxious mutt hounding Enid earlier has yet to move.

“Uh, the fuck?” he nearly demands with a hint of disgust.

If he refuses to take the hint, I have no qualms about continuing to prove my dominance over the self-important wolf.  Losing myself in Enid is dangerously easy.  It takes all of my self control not to let my hands wander from her flushed cheeks.

“Are you fucking serious right now?”

I feel Enid snicker into the kiss which has turned into a rather pleasant makeout session.  

“My dude,” Yoko says loud enough for most of the room to hear, “I think that’s your cue to leave.”

I let my hands slide down to either side of Enid’s neck as I nibble her bottom lip.  I’m fighting a smile and about to lose.

“Bitch,” he muttered as he stomped off.

Oh, I will be having a thorough discussion with him in the near future about manners and how to accept rejection gracefully.

Stepping away slowly, Wednesday faced her stunned but amused girlfriend.  “Until tonight, mi amor.”

Enid was nearly trembling with excitement as she rather obviously resisted the urge to pull Wednesday back into her arms.  “Okay.”

Truthfully, I’m not able to remain in the cafeteria much longer.  The feeling reminds me of the ceremony after the Poe Cup, so many people rudely staring.  

“OMG! Did that really just happen?” Enid stage-whispered to the table as Wednesday walked away.

Yes, my chromatic wolf and I have plans for you this evening.  May the torment of my family’s curse I endure ever leave you enthralled for I have no desire for relief. 

[shadowfromthestarlight]

My last relationship ended three and a half years ago. That's as long as the relationship itself. Heh.

I still find it amazing that when I was in the relationship, I let so many issues go on for so long without trying to resolve them.

We were very different on most political issues. And no, politics isn't everything, but we truly believed each other's views were stupid, which doesn't bode well for the long term. Religion was a bigger problem, because I didn't share my beliefs very openly with him and I knew from other commentary he made that he wouldn't have respected them, anyway. The fact that we didn't try to have a more open conversation about our beliefs and values and what that meant for our future together is pretty problematic, though.

Most egregious was that we let each other say things about the future without consulting the other, as if the other had nothing to do with it.

For example, he would talk about his timeline for paying off his student loans and buying his own home, without any mention of me and where I fit into his timeline. He would say that he hated children and that he wasn't sure if he ever wanted children without ever once asking me my thoughts. He got a job in the field he really wanted - which is good, of course! - but then became so committed to it that there was no question that he was going to remain in one place his whole life, and that if I wanted to stay in a relationship I'd have to plan my career and life choices around him. Sometimes the way he talked about the future gave me the sense that he viewed me as someone who was just along for the ride for whatever he decided he was doing with his life. Also, we always had to listen to the same playlist. That was kind of annoying.

What about my role in all that? Why no pushback?

All I can say is, I thought I had to prove my love through total acceptance and lack of judgment.

And I wasn't so different, was I? Not only did I never push him for a straight answer on anything, I went off and started a career that kept me committed to living two hours away for the foreseeable future. I started making plans to move where I wanted to move, on my own, with no regard for how logistically difficult it would make our relationship. Because at that point, I didn't care. But that point was several months before we mutually went our separate ways, funny enough.

I used to say we broke up because of "Covid." But that's not really the whole story. It's true that we grew apart even more during the first months of the pandemic. Some of our differences were exacerbated. But the differences were already there. We saw less of each other. But we'd already been on a trend of seeing less of each other. I think it's actually more accurate to say that the pandemic prolonged our stagnated relationship. It was too easy to have a routine of talking to each other at the same time every day. Our relationship was going nowhere, sure, but at that time, nothing was going anywhere! And not for nothing, throwing in a breakup during some already very difficult times would have just been cruel. He was even more isolated than I was that spring, and I genuinely worried about him. It was only later that summer that we were both able to admit that we were each building a future that didn't include the other, and mutually go our separate ways.

What's really striking to me is that I never had any doubt that breaking up was the best choice for both of us. Not once. Not even in the first few days after the breakup. In truth, I only felt like a weight had come off my shoulders. I've never once thought wistfully of what might have been. Because I've never doubted that "what might have been" wasn't anything good. That's how I know that I was in it for far too long. Yes, breaking up was the right choice, but my absolute certainty that it was the right choice makes me think it should have been done a lot sooner.

I can only say I thought I was obligated to keep trying. To accommodate the other person as best I could. To inconvenience myself for the other person. To tolerate all the disagreements, or to pretend they didn't exist. To stick it out even when the initial thrill of a new relationship was over. I thought that was what love was all about. And perhaps it can be, sometimes. When you're working towards a mutual goal with somebody. When you both have the same end in mind. A crucial difference I was missing then.

With the passage of time, I've come to understand all the mistakes I've made. I just hope someone else will benefit from my sharing them.

[katiajewelbox]

“Recognize when things no longer serve a purpose and begin to harm you. You let it go not because of arrogance or pride but because it doesn't fit into your life anymore. So close the chapter, learn the lessons and shake off the dust. Don’t waste your life. Move on.” (Mufti Menk)

This post is a highly personal story and pretty atypical from what I share on social media, but I feel it is crucial to be open about what has recently happened in my life to satisfy people’s curiosity. A heartfelt thank you to the folks who have given me emotional support during this journey so far.

As some of you may know, I was in a long-term relationship that recently ended. The person I once loved found me at Imperial College several years ago. At first, it seemed like a perfect match. We had a beautiful friendship as well as many shared values and goals in life. Our bond seemed so strong that we made plans for our future life together. However, we ended up being long-distance during most of our relationship due to the pandemic and other complications. We diligently stayed in touch and kept each other company during this stressful time while staying hopeful about our future as a couple.

However, things drastically changed between us in the last year. When my Dad became sick and passed away, my partner completely let me down in terms of help and emotional support. That made me feel very alone in the relationship when I needed the strength of a loving partner. This year he did travel from his home country to the UK to spend time with me. We had a lovely time, but sadly it turned out our life goals had significantly diverged during the time apart.

His life now revolved around his career and building wealth. He made it clear that he expected me to leave the life I have built for myself in the UK to relocate to his home country and later to follow him around the world while he built his career. He also pressured me to take unreasonable personal and financial risks for the sake of “our” future, which made me feel unsafe with him. Over the last year, he became less open in our interactions and seemed to be hiding many important things in his personal and professional life from me. When I was struggling with depression last year, he was cold and sarcastic towards me. In addition, he become more critical and judgemental towards me, while showing hints of possible coercive controlling tendencies.

Over the course of our serious conversations about our future plans, I came to a heart-breaking realisation – I did not love or trust him anymore. I tried to be open minded and explore the possibilities of taking a leap of faith with him in our potential life together, but there were too many red flags to ignore. When I imagined my future with him I felt dread, and when I imagined my future without him I felt free and hopeful. After much reflection and soul-searching, I realised that we had to go our separate ways and I decisively ended the relationship. He was shocked and disappointed, but in time he may find someone who is a better fit with his socioeconomic background and culture. At least, he will find solace in his career, which is his real love in life.

I am sharing this story to encourage anyone who feels trapped in a situation by social expectations or fear to reclaim their freedom. Sometimes, what seemed perfect at an earlier stage of one’s life can turn out to be a nightmare as people and situations evolve. I feel much more optimistic about my future now that I am free to pursue my dreams and be true to myself.

Art Credit: AI generated composition based on the French Impressionist style by Katia Hougaard and DALL E.

[seafoamchild]

the months are flying by. it's still grey and windy here. snow the other day, five inches! rain, slush, damp. i can't wait for everything to bloom.

i went to florida with T. it was wonderful. we went snorkeling, kayaking, ate a lot of seafood, drove around the keys, went on a sunset cruise, went to the aquarium and the turtle hospital and the bird sanctuary. we played cribbage. i went skydiving. then in miami we ate more delicious food, went to museums, and then to an exclusive rooftop DJ event. went to the beach at night when the moon was half full and the soft ocean waves were gentle. the lights of the city glimmering against the night sky behind us.

this was one of my favorite trips. the easiness of it all, the shared wonder at everything we learned. the slightly drunken conversations over a double tequila soda on a dive bar patio at night. the morning espresso fix from the coffee shop with two cats. making up stories about the fish at the aquarium. tripping at the art museum. making fun of each other for being directionally challenged. spotting birds and trying to identify them.

i think i've been trying to find reasons why it won't work out with T because i'm just afraid. relationships have never worked out for me, and they've always been really intense and really codependent and ultimately really painful and damaging and leaving me full of regret. i'm scared at the thought of hanging on for too long again, breaking up when it becomes completely unbearable, and then losing all hope of maintaining a friendship. i've done that dance five times now and it's so horrible.

with T something feels different though. i don't feel anxious when we're not in continuous contact. i don't count the minutes it takes him to text back. i feel calm. i know he wants to see me as much as i want to see him. i'm not constantly questioning how much he actually likes me, i just know that he does. and he shows up for me in so many ways - he helped me tape plastic over my stupid car window in the pouring rain, he let me borrow his car when it was snowing, he buys me vegan snacks when i tell him i'm giving up animal products. he tells me not to apologize for my feelings and validates me when i'm upset. he assures me he thinks i look amazing the way i am, but if i really want to lose weight he'll support me as long as i'm doing it in a healthy way. he holds my hand and tells me it's going to be okay when i'm freaking out. he owns up to all of his mistakes. he cares about my friends and asks how they're doing.

of course i'm still planning on leaving wisconsin this summer and i'm dead set on that. he says he just wants me to be happy and he doesn't want me to get anxious over what's going to happen with our relationship, that he's enjoying the time we have right now. i never imagined that love could feel this sweet, this easy. i'm realizing that i may not know what i truly need - i had a tendency to think it was someone who had also traveled the world, who had a bunch of cool hobbies, who had some kind of cool job. but i think it's making sense to me now. that what i really need is someone who's loving, patient, gentle, kind, and willing to try it all with me. i don't need someone who already has the same hobbies and interests and experiences as me - i need someone who wants to do things together in the future. the most important thing is that we're on the same team and that we have each other's happiness in mind.

i don't know what will happen over the next several months, but for some reason i feel at peace with that.

[septembersghost]

It's so funny that when tayjoe were together swifties(not you sweetie😘😘) were literally sh*tting on harry and made fun of him for writing 'I love you'(which was sweet af) and looking sad at bbmas. And when tayjoe broke up they were calling him YB(🤢)and making poor man jokes. Yet after m*** h**** happened they are literally begging for both of them lol. And the amount of people I have seen who are predicting a haylor reunion is insane. I always thought no one took their relationship as anything beyond a fling yet even people in reddit(biggest anti haylors and the ones who hate harry ) knows about the 2014 phase and thinks they would give it a shot. I am not overly invested as in I'll be happy if they date but I will support any relationship they have(as long as it's not matt Healy). But I definitely didn't know people thought of haylor as anything beyond pr and I am shocked in the best way possible.

is now an appropriate time to say how horrendously some fans treated joe for actual years over nothing? calling him a nepo boyfriend (what does that even mean), calling him poor/jobless/boring, accusing him of all sorts of baseless things (the DV hand signal, for example), anons on here harassing blogs by saying she didn't care about him and he was a joke, i've never seen someone treated so badly for quietly minding his business and trying to stay in his lane. idk how tuned in he ever was to any of that noise, and i hope not at all, but that alone would become unbearable for a lot of people after awhile. and like i said before, we have no idea what happened between them and it's not our place to know (unless she decides to tell us), but there's no concrete reason to believe he betrayed her in some massive way right now. people grow apart. the dissolution of a six+ year relationship is going to leave hurt and scars and wreckage even if it WAS somewhat amicable, because you're losing a whole life you've built together, and whatever plans you might have had for the future. so of course she's hurting, i'm sure he is too, but i'm just not ready yet to skewer him and put him on the list with JM, JG, and CH as this terrible partner when all we knew was him being a good and decent and kind one for years (from more commentary than just taylor's). the tweets begging for joe to fight for her and to come back are funny, but also very sad - it's like the epitome of you don't know what you've got 'til it's gone. (i also don't think ANY of us were prepared for this massive of a shift in one month's time. during tour. with a re-recording coming soon. it's a lot to process.)

then with harry, i've never understood making fun of what he wrote if you're a fan of what she writes, because they're both drawing on confessional personal experiences? where is the logic? he's the only instance where we've gotten the other side of the conversation! i think the (totally idiotic) pr accusation started to really die down several years ago as more and more people got into the truth of their relationship and when he repeatedly praised her songwriting (the only people who accuse them of that now are detached from reality akljsdkljf). but yeah it's quite the mood switch to see the subreddits bringing him up in a positive way and acknowledging that he's a sweet and talented guy after ripping him to shreds for no reason last year. :/ although that's what he deserves to have said!

i've also never seen swifties and even people who don't like her so united in an opinion as they are in collectively being in shambles over this development. 😭 and as i said before, there's a difference between a bad boy edgy persona and actively causing harm with bigoted words/actions - you can only use racism as "satire" so many times before it stops being a joke, or make sexist comments and follow someone like andr*w t*te without being legitimately misogynistic. i just. *head in hands* someone on the sub said, "people keep saying 'let her live her life' - and i absolutely am, but i don't have to be comfortable with the way she's doing it when it involves racist boys, and i don't have to support it," and someone else said, "being hurt can make you do crazy things, and she is only a human just like all of us," and i honestly feel there's room for both thoughts here. we can understand it wholly and let her live, and that doesn't mean we have to support it ourselves.

meanwhile let us just keep manifesting haylor friends era. anything feels possible at this point!

[duskpinelydearyou]

Sixteen

Sixteen is a number, yes, and it can mean a good majority of things. For most, a sweet sixteen is the one day a girl always dreams excitedly of (at least from what I've seen in movies and such). For freelance people in the entertainment industry, especially in film, that's probably the amount of time they have on set before it officially wraps (either that or a lot longer). For me, it's the amount of years I have been in a relationship. Hard to believe? Yeah, it's crazy how long it's been and how long I managed to keep it going for. I'll be honest, my heart still breaks that it had to end. Like all things, there has to be an end and a new beginning. Reflecting on things now, both good and bad, will definitely help me figure out the best approach to life and how to best approach the next relationship I get into.

I was young, maybe thirteen or fourteen at that point, and it was April. I had not known this girl existed before then, maybe only really ever saw her as a friend and bumped into her a couple of times and that was it. I did of course spit cottage cheese into her mortal enemy's hair and that got her to talking to me more, so she did have a good laugh about something like that at the very least. I had incredibly bad luck with other girls through life, and this was the first one that came to me and showed me some love and affection and immediately I was bombarded with this idea of what love was. I felt valued, validated, like I was actually worth something. And of course, I had someone that I cared about now. We had only hugged, never really had our first kiss until about a year or so after our relationship began. It felt scary at first, but all things scare us at one point. When it happened, it felt like a river ride of emotions, but when the nerves calmed down did I go back in for one of my own. She made the first move and was a lot bolder than I was. Sometimes boldness comes in so many forms, and we have to be a bit daring to say that we love someone. More often times than not, it's our first kiss that speaks volumes about how things will go and how things will last. The first kiss is always the most daring and the most bold move of our lives. It challenges us to move forward, or to see what other options lie out there if it doesn't feel genuine. For me at that point in time, it was genuine, and I thought I'd see a future.

My first taste of heartbreak came with a text maybe during the summer transition from my Sophomore Year to my Junior Year of High School. She had texted me for a break from the relationship. It was devastating to me, and in my anger I just told her that I didn't want to speak to her for a while. Yet when I came to regret my actions, the damage had already been done. It was several months of nothing but just us keeping our distance from one another and seeing how things played out. I did try to initiate some conversation in the hopes that she'd at least talk again. A friend of ours did get us to talking again, but still I kept my distance nonetheless. Eventually though, she'd send me our old tried and true method of sending me a letter by putting it in my locker. It was an apology and her reasonings for why she had to put a break on our relationship. She wanted me back, and I was over the moon. I thought we'd be good, and we stayed together throughout the rest of our high school years. She was my date to my Junior and Senior Proms both. When we graduated, I genuinely thought I'd not last a day without her in my life, and went above and beyond. I bought her a ring and asked her to marry me for Christmas. I was young and in love, thought I knew everything.

Then came the challenging years of my life, the remaining eleven years of what I thought was a perfect relationship. The only issue we had was the distance between us. I fought hard for this to happen, for this to continue to work and everything. I put in more effort on my end, to a good a hundred and ten percent of everything. We had discussed the idea of moving in together, but it never really happened, as hard as I tried for it to. She worked, she was busy, and I was still studying and learning what I could so I could make something out of my degree happen. I started delving more into what I wanted to do for myself and make my own happiness. I got to explore more of the world around me, see what I could see and do what I could do with the effort I was putting out there into the world. I made more friends, started doing more with them, and I think she knew and tried to cling onto me before I got too distant, but it was my fault too for ignoring her when she wanted to talk, or feeling like I was distant from her. The boiling point for that was the trip I took to Chicago for the Kingdom Hearts concert. Something that I had looked so forward to doing for myself, including a trip to a city I had probably only ever been in when I was a baby, was brought crumbling down with an argument between my partner and I. I felt guilty for seeming like I ignored her, and it was something I had to learn quickly, actually be there for her and try to do more for the relationship. Eventually though, I had to go longer distance again and we did try once again to stay on top of keeping in contact with one another. She bought me games, and I did the same when I had the money from my trust to help spend on those things. We were trying our hardest during a time where things were incredibly difficult and shut down a lot of business. I was confined to my apartment and too afraid to step outside, actually had to learn to eat less and it was a genuine struggle for some time. I found support in friends, and I did try to get her to move in with me, but she was busy with her own life.

When it came time for me to go to my grad program in 2021, I told her that before we went to committing to anything, we would need to spend a year living together to see if we were compatible. She said we would, but never made any attempts to come see me until after I had graduated, and even then? It was me asking her to come up. It wasn't just me, my family and I pitched in to try and get her up here. The first time, her family drove her up here. The second time, she had to take a bus and we had to pay for her ticket. I didn't complain one bit though, because she was here and it made me happy. That happiness didn't last forever though as when the idea of moving in together became such a good idea all of a sudden. She wanted to leave. I wanted her to leave where she was living too, but the problem is that reality came knocking at my door at the most inopportune time. I asked myself, would I be happy working at my part time job for the rest of my life? Would I be happy to go from part time to full time in the end? What would happen if I suddenly decided I wanted to pursue my dreams instead of going through the normal grind?

I couldn't go through with the idea of moving in, but still I tried hard for her because I wanted her out of there. She put a burden on my shoulders that most would've crumbled from, but I tried. I tried until I couldn't anymore, and when I couldn't, she left me on read for a week. A whole week of silence from her when she was too angry to listen to reason. I had to process that things were coming to a grinding halt, and the fog had cleared on my end. I started seeing the signs, the past eleven years of my life were full of ups and downs, and I chose to only see the ups and ignore the rest. I ignored the red flags, I saw those now that I had removed the rose tinted glasses that I had worn for years. I had ignored some of the things, had seen that I was putting more effort in. It was always going out of my way to see her and not the same. She had taken the effort to visit me only once.

Several things followed after the week of silence, and it culminated in our final talk together. The moment where I finally said that it was time we went our separate ways. While amicable, I knew she was dealing with more pressing matters, and she didn't have the time to process things while I'm doing what I can to process my own personal feelings on the matter.

I attend therapy for the loss and grief, because my friends have noticed how horribly I've been treating myself lately, how I was so keen on trying to rush into something new when I should be taking the time to reflect, finally say goodbye to those sixteen years of my life, and hope for sixteen years of new memories that I can make for myself.

I know what I want moving forward, and while I do know what I want, I need to figure myself out before I'm ready to dive back into something great and magnificent. I want honesty, to be met halfway, to have more communication, and above all else, have that quality time where we can just spend a night talking on the phone, discussing plans of visiting one another. I know it's not gonna bring my ex and I back together, but with that in mind, I wish her well. I wish her the best of luck with the world and that she does find someone new who can give her something great.

For you out there who reads this, the you I worry about the most, you know, and I'm sorry. Moving on means saying goodbye, and while I do hate goodbyes, it is something that needs to be done. We will get better from it, and we will be better people for it. I will see you around.

[x----tine]

We Thought You’d Died

By Allie Rowbottom

July 12, 2024

Goodnight Sweet Thing by Cristine Brache

“WE DREAMT OF / Flowers and listening to women / Still, every time / we go to bed / we go to war.” Thus begins the titular poem in Cristine Brache’s latest collection, Goodnight Sweet Thing (2024), a rich, layered, lyrical meditation on mortality, embodiment, womanhood, and the various performances therein. It’s a poem I heard Cristine read for the first time at New York’s KGB Bar in late 2021, when our friendship was new, yet somehow still familiar. Now, several years and many conversations later, when I read “Goodnight Sweet Thing” to myself, I hear my friend’s voice in my head—“Sleep / drowns in the arms of a fallen angel. / Maybe she’s been nauseous since January / like me”—and am reminded that listening to women is not just a gift but a source. Of friendship, yes, but also of art.

Cristine is a multidisciplinary artist whose visual work has been exhibited internationally at galleries and institutions such as Berlinische Galerie and ICA Miami and critically reviewed in places such as The New York Times, Artforum, The New Yorker, and, of course, the Los Angeles Review of Books. Goodnight Sweet Thing is her second collection, but it includes her debut, Poems, previously published by Codétte in 2018. I spoke with Cristine about her artistic practices, the influence of Playboy Playmates, the intersections between visual and written work, near-death experiences, and adapting Goodnight Sweet Thing to performance art, on a blanket in Central Park on the last temperate summer day in New York. I hope you enjoy listening to us.

¤ ALLIE ROWBOTTOM: Let’s discuss your relationship with Playboy Playmate Dorothy Stratten. She plays an important role in this book and is influential in your visual art as well. Where did the fascination with her begin for you? How has she made her way into your poetry?

CRISTINE BRACHE: I had known about Dorothy as a cult figure representing lost potential, because she died so young. And because she was poised to be the first Pamela Anderson, who started with Playboy and successfully transitioned to Hollywood. Dorothy was supposed to be the person who could represent Playboy as a truly feminist enterprise, where the women are all treated well, and there’s some upward mobility. She died super young, which was also fascinating to me as well. But I got really interested in her when I found out that she wrote poetry. In the documentation of Dorothy’s life, she’s always smiling, but then the words she’s writing are sad, self-aware, full of pain and disappointment with Hollywood. That duality is endlessly fascinating to me. On top of the fact that she just wrote good poems.

In Dorothy’s poem that functions as the epigraph of your book, she equates people with games. Which makes me think of what you were saying last night about near-death experiences, that studying them on YouTube has made life feel more like a game to you.

When I was 13, my friends and I would take Freon out of the central AC unit in my house in Florida. We would fill whole garbage bags with it, tie the end with a rubber band, and inhale. My lips would turn blue and I would pass out. The passing-out part is what remains interesting to me because I realized later that I was having near-death experiences, especially because I remember that my periods of unconsciousness felt very long. I would be in darkness, but I had an intuitive knowing that I was talking to entities. It felt like I was standing before a tribunal of three judges or deciders. Each time I would go, they would have to convince me why I needed to go back to earth. And they would replay potential scenarios of my future. It was almost like a VHS cassette, with them rewinding and forwarding, going through brief moments of me running around a pool with one of my neighbors, laughing. The reasons were not profound. When I woke up, my friends would be huddled over me saying, “Oh my God, we thought you’d died.”

When you were with the tribunal, did you want to go back to earth?

I don’t remember having a strong feeling of yes or no. I didn’t answer your question. What was it again?

I didn’t really ask one but I meant to! What relationships do masking and games have to your work?

Well, all the world’s a stage, and all the men and women are merely players.

Shakespeare was, like, highly evolved. He was like his last life incarnation.

Totally. He was like, “Alright, now I’m on my last life, it’s time to write it down.” I remember the first time I heard that quote, I was in fifth grade and I was just like: Damn, it is a stage, isn’t it?

In Dorothy’s poem, the use of the word games has a negative connotation to it. There’s this implication that she’s being played, but when we talk about near-death experiences and spirituality, I’m thinking about it like, if this plane that we’re on is a kind of fractal of the unison that we experience on other planes, then life as we know it is simply a slower way to process what the beauty of oneness is. It’s not really about how much you achieve materially, but how much you can enrich your sense of presence. I don’t know, I feel like I’m rambling.

No, that’s cool. Because that feels like the point of poetry in some ways. To enrich one’s sense of presence.

I see a poem as a snapshot of presence. Poetry ties the outer world with the inner world and points at extremely specific sensations that we all experience in life.

Most of your poems do seem to explore the relationship between tangible, material elements and the emotional, spiritual, conceptual realm.

I’m a very emotional, very classically confessional poet. I see poetry as a space where I’m really holding my own, where I don’t have to account for anybody. It’s a very protected space for me where I feel I can express myself without feeling bad about what I’m saying or thinking or how other people might feel.

Do you want to talk a little bit about the relationship of your older work to your newer work? Placing them side by side as you do in this collection makes for an interesting exercise. I have observations about the differences that I see.

I’m curious to hear your observations.

Should I tell you now?

Yeah.

It feels to me that in Goodnight Sweet Thing, there’s a heightened sense of dissociation at times, as if we have a disembodied speaker who often observes herself from outside herself. But in Poems, we get more visceral embodiment, comparative to the first part of the book. There’s more sex, for example.

I wrote the first book, Poems, when I was younger. Those poems were more directly about my immediate experience, whereas the poems in Goodnight Sweet Thing are more existential for me. I started writing Goodnight Sweet Thing during COVID-19 lockdown. And I was contemplating death in a way that I really hadn’t before. I also think having some distance from my youth allowed me to reflect more on what is all this. Generally, the new book is about the meaning of life and aging as a woman. And then also notions of performance, which for me is often filtered through the lens of being a woman.

Culturally, we’re enamored with youth, so when you’re young, it’s easy to perform certain kinds of ideal womanhood (even if you, the performer, still feel like a girl). Then you get older and start to see yourself from the outside more; you start to examine that performativity.

One hundred percent. Which also goes back to Dorothy’s poem, and this notion of lost potential, or a false promise. In Poems, my earlier work, the question was how can I reflect on my own youth when I’m still young? But in both books, a fraught relationship to objectification persists. There’s a poem in Goodnight Sweet Thing where I’m like, the only thing I’ll miss is my skin.

I remember you saying that in conversation before. I think you said it on New Year’s Eve. When we were leaving that party, remember?

I probably wrote it down the next day. One way I come up with lines is through conversation. Others start as tweets. Years ago, when I lived in China, I would just tweet one line at that time. And then go back and build poems around those lines or combine them. That’s like the best use of Twitter. I wish more people used Twitter that way.

Yeah, now it feels like people are just on there for the hate. I would like to hear you talk a little bit about the relationship between your poetry and the performance you recently directed of Goodnight Sweet Thing.

Last year when I was starting to put my book together, I was like, I want to adapt this to theater. It felt like a fun exercise. And then I thought, Well, performance art is sort of like the poetry of the stage. And then I was like, Well, what would my poetry look like visually? And I had these flashes in my head of two women mud wrestling, and of Victorian psychoanalysis and the medicalization of women’s emotions, and of hypnosis and mesmerism. So I reached out to Sigrid Lauren, who is an amazing performance artist, and she co-adapted the book with me. She choreographed the performance, and we co-directed it together. I broke apart the book, the poetry, and recontextualized it as dialogue for the performers. So basically 90 percent of everything they said was broken-up poetry, recontextualized to suit what the performers were doing onstage. For example, the two female Jell-O wrestlers became two parts of the same mind. One of the characters expresses the part of the self that is dutifully performing to survive in society and culture. And then the other performer is the part that believes it’s insufferable to perform because you’re betraying yourself. And then the male referee, who later became the mesmerist, plays the part of the patriarchy, the arbiter.

Have you experimented with hypnosis and mesmerism yourself?

I did get hypnotized once. I had gotten really into past life regression. So I went to see this acclaimed past life regression lady from Toronto. It was fucking expensive, like $400, and she didn’t even give me the full hour. I thought it was a rip-off at the end.

Did you have a past life memory?

I don’t know. I did have memories, but how can you tell what’s real or not? I find it interesting that there’s this exploitative side of hypnosis. You can take advantage of someone but what you find in their subconscious could also be true. I like that duality where you don’t really know which one it’s going to be, and that duality shows up in my artwork a lot. Because I feel like in navigating culture, or just interpersonal relationships, you often have directly opposing needs. It’s fascinating to hold space for both of them and not just write them off.

Tell us a little more about your visual art and maybe specifically your recent work influenced by Dorothy Stratten.

I started working in encaustic work. And I made a series inspired by Dorothy Stratten and, more broadly, Playboy Bunnies. I was looking for candid images of them, and then also images of them in relation to men. These images tie to the themes that we’ve been talking about throughout this entire interview, conceptually, and practically, and—what’s the word?—materially. The candids were done with a thicker encaustic process. So the women in the images look like they’re stuck under a frozen lake.

If you had to pick one poem of yours to pair with your paintings, which would it be?

Last Night I Felt Afraid to Die

Remember to turn off the lights wherever you don’t want to see.

Remember, I am a feather in love and this world is a thief.

How sick must it make us? Mop me up and send me the bill.

In another life, I find my fantasy where the void respects me forever.

What hope is there, if feathers can no longer fall to the ground with grace?

LARB CONTRIBUTOR

Allie Rowbottom is the author of the novel Aesthetica, published in November 2022 by Soho Press and named a best book of 2022 by Glamour Magazine, NPR, and Vanity Fair. Allie’s memoir, JELL-O Girls, was a 2018 New York Times Editors’ Choice. She holds a PhD in literature from the University of Houston and lives in Los Angeles.

[yeoldebaggageclaim]

journalling to try and clear my head about this dad decision

on the one hand things are clearly bad right now. things are not going to change overnight, even though he's acknowledged what he's done to contribute to this openly that doesn't mean he's immediately going to be better

it's bad that he is still trying to force me to make a decision before im ready, that he's trying to squeeze me into his timetables, that he's not respecting my boundary about this, that he all but threatened to khs at least three times yesterday in the course of trying to find out what he’d done to cause this

he did specify today that he's not going to khs, and i *have to* believe that if i wanna be any kind of okay

the thing is, my end goal...

i have to figure out my end goal tbh

i think it's to have an independent life where my dad and i still talk

would i be sacrificing that independence by letting him know what area i was in? would he be able to skiptrace me from that information? or even without it?

i wouldn't be betraying anyone by doing so, although im not sure if it betrays me at all myself

but, if i don't let him know, would it be sacrificing the chance we have *to* make it better? he would think i simply did not care about how afraid he was and would take that to mean i didn't love him. of course i love him!!! but would he be right about pt i?

i think that if i want to take steps to repairing our relationship i have to acknowledge first that it is currently bad and that it is not going to change too drastically in one conversation

but i don't know, not even for [redacted]s sake i really don't want him to use any information i give him to locate me and i don't even know why

i think part of the problem is that it is so hard to tell when he's saying something just to get what he wants vs when he really means it

and ive been so out of sorts, i haven't been able to figure of if fear of him threatening to call the cops on me was really all that was making me not want him to have my area or if there was more to it than that

i remember feeling (and to some extent still feel) like i just don't want them to know where i am. like i wanna be free of them. but. that part of me is also the part that recoils away from texts and phonecalls, and feels very pda related, that doesn't feel very aligned with my goal of being independent and still talking to my dad

on the other hand it does feel very aligned with my goal of protecting myself emotionally in the short term. but in the long term it feels like it would just hurt me more maybe?? bc i feel like it would hinder my chances of being on good terms with my dad

the pda is so real though. even thinking about it is putting my body back into a state of SEVERE dysregulation, not least of which because im so tired and emotionally fried

i feel like i can barely string a thought together tbh

maybe just the state is not so bad? but also. it does feel bad. because! because it's not treating me the way i wish to be treated.

but also

would i be grateful to past me in future me's place? that i had given me this opportunity to work things out?

or would i simply regret it the first time my dad does something controlling and crazy.

or, with me being really on my own, would that then be a safe opportunity to tell him that behavior is controlling, thus bettering the healing path between us?

i need. a nap. my brain has had too many big thoughts and feelings in it today. maybe some sleep will help.

the other thing is, i would still be on my own, out there, doing what i wanted with whom i wanted

i think part of what's freaking me out so much is if i tell him there's no un-telling him

and, i can't listen to my gut about it cuz my gut's doing flips & hates both ideas right now

it would be easier to choose if i choose trust him not to snoop and get more than i want to give

i know that i get to choose which one i want. there is no right or wrong answer. i am beholden only to myself on this.

i can tell him if he cares about my safety he won't dig deeper. i can explain that the friend im staying with does not want him to know their name or address, bc of past experiences they've had with parents in their own life, and that it's a hard rule for them. that by breaking that rule it would put me in danger.

but. i also know he could use that as an excuse to try and drag me back home. but, if he does want to truly fix our relationship, he won't do that. but, he doesn't probably know that.

im looking into an online pii remover site to see if that will help my decision at all

on the one hand i don't like that i have to do all this if i want to be safe and if i want my boundaries intact. it is bad. i acknowledge this. nothing has been fixed yet.

at the same time, i want to give as good a shot at things getting fixed as i safely can

i think the main reason i still hesitate at this point is because i said no. no means no. one of the things on the list of grievances that i have is that neither of them will accept a "no" from me

this doesn't feel like fixing that. but. maybe i can pick that battle on other topics and work my way up to bigger things. i have plenty of time.

when it comes down to it, i don't want my dad to be scared, but it's not my job to manage his emotions, whether he would like to acknowledge this or not. i do want him to stay in my life. i know that i am not in control of that. these are his choices and feelings, not mine. but, i can't pretend like my actions have no impact on how another person might feel and respond, and i know my dad well enough to know that he means what he's said about how he will take my decision.

im going to look into a pii remover, and im gonna tell him the state

bugh why does it feel so dirty to think about doing that. it's because it's compromising my boundaries. i don't want him to know. i don't. i don't!!! what i want is for him to respect my boundaries enough to back off on this without making it about his fear. but he hasn't fixed that yet. and, because of the trust issues he himself has instilled in me (by being a very controlling and sneaky snoop himself, ironically) i have a fear that even if i get a pii remover he may still locate me

it only takes one search on the wrong day

though that could happen anyway tbh! i don't think he needs the state for that!

i have confirmed, adding a state to the search doesn't make you any more likely to show up if your info isn't out there

maybe if i actually sleep on this some more it will help. i only had an hour and a half bc i was starving and i woke up feeling restless and lousy, maybe some real sleep will help. and i can ask stephen about it when we get to the airport as well, he's often wiser than i am. i may have more information about piis at my disposal by then as well

oh i could talk to sasha about it too, she is sweet and has experience in the area of parental conflict too, she might have some good insights

[diaryofseraph]

and also

i have chosen to view my relationship not through resentment and despair and anxiety of what may happen, but through kindness.

i know it's a time of uncertainty. i know that this relationship might end tomorrow, depending on what we disagree on, or maybe in may, when i finally move. i've accepted that things really could come to an end, which for some reason, i didn't fully prepare myself for prior to our conversation 1-2 weeks ago. i accept that he could leave because we truly do have our fundamental differences that are too large to overcome. i accept that we may not be right for each other. i accept that he is hesitant, and so am i. we look tentatively to the future right now, but i accept that things could end very soon because of the nature of our relationship, us not being from the same area, having different career paths, and having different values.

i know that i do love luke. we've made a lot of good memories together. we had a wonderful honeymoon phase -- our first kiss, tentatively getting more intimate with each other, so many dates, so many concerts. and despite having our ups and downs, i've learned a lot. i've learned to be a bit less uptight/stiff. i've learned that people communicate in wildly different ways and, truly, there are still people with his type of humor lol. i've learned to have a bit more fun and let loose. i've learned that traveling so much is tiring but extremely fun. i will also instantly dump the next guy who has not completely gotten over their ex lol. all in all, i've gotten to know another human being! and they let me into their life. i really got to know them for who they were. that in itself is a privilege. and i also know it is a privilege for him to have been let into my world.

i love luke's laugh, his voice. i love it when he laughs so hard he curls up and hides his face. i love it when he wears his glasses, and that he wore contacts the first several dates to put up appearances. i love how he covered his mouth because he didn't have gum to hide his bad breath. i love skating around with him, falling off our boards. i love us trying to take the worst photos of each other. i love how he greets my cats every time he visits. i love the feel of his hand in mine, and i love his snore when he falls asleep within minutes. i love that he loves me! i love all these things about him, and i am happy with these things, and i know and accept that.

i also know that if we are right for each other, things will happen as they should. if we aren't, then they will naturally dissolve, as they should. despite loving him, i know that there is a possibility we might not be a good fit for each other. and that's ok. i guess that's just the fallibility of human life and our attempts at trying to connect with others! i know that i tried my best to love him and show him that.

ultimately, i also know that the right person will stay to work things out. that they would believe in us and our ability to work things out, even if we had our differences (within reason, of course lol). so if he truly leaves and breaks up with me, we were not meant to be. that's okay. i'll still have love for him, but i know that i can find someone who is meant for me. i know i have a lot to offer -- i'll be a doctor, am azn (:p), v fertile + high sex drive, cute/petite, empathetic, loving/affectionate, thoughtful, committed, loyal, and hardworking. i can definitely date in residency and find someone that recognizes those qualities and will be committed to stay. i am a lil seaweed floating in the ocean, going wherever the tide takes me. if we go one way (break up), i will float that direction and find the rays there. if we go the other (continue), i will float on as well.

regardless, i know my worth, and if luke chooses not to take up space in my life, i will find someone who is worthy of doing so. if he leaves, we were never going to work out, and my heart will hurt, but it will remake itself again. suffering leads to strength and kindness and love, and i know i can make it to the other side as a better person

[dearsonyeondan]

Hiiiii! How are you?

First of all I didn't know we can send requests til now so I'll be sending a few I hope this is ok.

Jungkook and Chubby reader. He's an idol and she's an American they've been in a long distance relationship for the past 2 years or so and are finally taking the next step by moving in together in Korea after moving into an apartment just a few days it's exposed that he is living with a plus size female the out come of that is up to you hopefully you like this idea enough to write it 💜💜

hihi! thank you so much for sending this request in! i hope that you're happy with how it went! please keep up filling up that request box because i love doing this for you all. (∪ ◡ ∪)

꒰ ꒱ pairing: idol!jungkook x black chubby reader.

꒰ ꒱ rating: 18+! please proceed responsibly.

꒰ ꒱ word count: 1.7k

꒰ ꒱ warning(s): fluff, i love how soft it is + late night writing, so errors might be more prevalent. i apologize!

꒰ ꒱ note 4 reader: enjoy! requests can be placed in the "darkest desires" box.

WHEN THE EARLY MORNING CAME, you had to remember that you were buried between the sheets of an expensive hotel, hands rummaging around the bed as you came to your senses. "Good morning Princess," Jungkook said, causing you to clutch your chest at the realization of where you were. It had to have been past 2 am when the manager responsible for their traveling called you and let you know that Jungkook had landed in America with the rest of BTS. You hadn't seen him since Vegas so at the idea of meeting him again, you jumped for the next available flight that the manager was able to put you on.

"You scared me," you smiled at him, accepting the little nose kiss that he given you. Jungkook had been awake for a few hours, you could tell, iPad on his lap and he went over the promotion schedule for their upcoming anthology album. He was here in America to do so, but of course you were in his calendar as well. "How was the flight?" You asked, leaning up to melt your lips at his jawline before resting your head on his shoulder.

"Long. I hated it, but I get to see you," He said with a slight giggle and you placed a soft kiss at his lips. While you took care of your hygiene, Jungkook got an early start in the kitchen on breakfast. You took a few seconds to glance over yourself in the mirror, hands running over your caramel skin with a smile at your features. This was your life. You had been dating BTS' Jungkook for a little over two years now and with all the patience it took, you were glad that you endured it.

There had been so many sleepless nights missing him, missed SKYPE calls because of the timezone and unexpected high charges to your phone bill when you called him on accident while he was in Korea. You had several conversations with your mother and your best friend about the possibility of things getting serious and how it would work. There was a standard to uphold in Korea for idols and dating was not one of them.

Especially a plus size, black woman.

"Are you in here driving yourself crazy again?" Jungkook looped his arms around your waist and leaned down to kiss your neck. You nodded your head, running your fingers over the veins in his arms and the tattoos that decorated his skin. Jungkook was aware that you thought of the future and he was also aware that it drove you mad sometimes. "Let's get some food in our systems and talk, alright?" He said, placing one last kiss at your ear before returning to the kitchen.

The entire time that breakfast was made, it ran through your mind what the talk could be about. You had been loyal to Jungkook for two years and marriage could've been in the air, but it hadn't been. That was fine for you, too. You knew that this love was more than a piece of paper. You took a bite into your bacon as he chatted on the phone with Namjoon, mapping out what the week would look like. When he served you a mimosa, he kissed your head and returned to the phone call. "I've gotta go, hyung."

He took a seat next to you instead of at the head of the table, laughing that you had beat him in starting breakfast. "Do you remember what I said to you while boarding the flight?" He asked, leaning to eat a chunk out of his eggs and peering into your eyes.

"That I was your world and to make sure that I was prepared to get my back blown in?" You asked in confusion, causing him to snort as he sipped his banana milk.

"No, not that. The other thing!" He laughed as he pushed your shoulder.

"Oh! You and Jimin had been looking for a condo for side activities. Did you find one!?" You said, leaning forward as he scrolled on the iPad. You took a look at the internal design, weeks of going through floor plans with Jungkook over the phone. You knew how important this space was for him and Jungkook, intentions of a boxing and dance studio coming into mind while they picked. It was an absolutely gorgeous townhome with 4 bedrooms and two areas where bathrooms could be placed. The first floor of the town home was perfect to insert a studio in. "I love it!"

He admired you while you admired something. . . That you had no idea was yours. Yes, the first floor was perfect for a studio of some sort to be placed in it, but maybe something surrounding music so that he could be at home and work while not being at HYBE so often if you agreed to move in. You had beautiful eyes when you were excited and those chubby cheeks that he loved flushed over red whenever you were passionate about something. God, he loved you.

"Jungkook?" You asked, noticing that he had been staring at you instead of the pictures while you scrolled and brainstormed on ideas.

"Sorry, you're my distraction." He admitted with a scrunched nose. "Can I tell you something?"

In which you nodded, watching him take a nervous breath. "This is ours," He said and you remained looking at him with a soft expression. "Not me and Jimin. Ours."

You could feel the increase of your heart and for a moment, you swore that the temperature had increased. "You want me to move in with you?"

"So badly." He admitted. You had to keep your excitement at bay and not jump him on this table, a soft smile spreading across your features. You wrapped your arms around his neck and kissed him all over his face. "I know it had been a worry, but I want to show you how serious I am about you." He said through the kisses, looping his arms around your waist.

"This is the best news ever. Of course I will!" You watched as he stood and carried you bridal style across the living room, your hand assisting him in opening the bedroom door. "Jungkook! Jungkook wait!" You said through giggles as he checked his phone, placed it on silent and then closed the bedroom door.

TWO MONTHS LATER.

"I'll be home a little later tonight, can you head to the market that I like?" Jungkook asked over the phone, trying to catch his breath as he practiced with his boxing coach. You could hear loud music in the bathroom and Taehyung who had been laughing at something that was happening in the background.

"Of course I will, thank you for the workout picture!" You joked, raising from the couch and looking over to a sleeping Bam. You had taken him out for a walk earlier but do to it raining, you had to bring him back inside a little earlier. Jungkook had placed you in one of the high end neighborhoods where it was gated and although you didn't mind, you loved heading to certain parts of Seoul where it was crowded and rowdy just like the city life back home.

After the short conversation, you placed a jacket on yourself since it was getting cold and then one on Bam, who would be your protection as you took a car into the city and got some of Jungkook's favorite street food. For the most parts, traveling was discreet and safe because who cares about a black girl that's trying her hardest not to be seen?

"Thank you," You said in Korean to the shop owner who had packaged your food, Bam sitting along the street in content as the world moved around him.

"Bam!" Someone said in Korean and the excited voice caught his attention, causing him to raise and stand at the sound of his name being called. A group of girls dressed in all black with face masks on and large cameras shot a picture of you causing you to curse and turn with a soft tug on Bam's leash. You waved to your driver, who assessed the situation and escorted you into the truck.

Driving like a bat out of hell, you sent a text to Jungkook.

LOML 🤍:

I think I was spotted.

2 HOURS LATER.

Food was far past enjoyable since you were too busy crying, face buried in napkins as your spotting in the public broke news via Dispatch an hour after it happened. Jungkook had rushed home with the weight of promising the boys that everything would be alright on his shoulders. Namjoon was the first one you spoke to and he asked you questions pertaining to your safety and if you had been followed, which your driver would confirm with all of management.

"We have to move out tonight, but I found another apartment who is going to let us move in because of who I am," Jungkook said, placing your head on his chest and watching the commentators fly on the local news channel. It was the first "Scandal" that would occur with BTS' name involved.

"I'm so sorry. I didn't think anyone would r-r-recognize him and," You said with a sigh, giving up on speech when it was hard to talk while you cried. He reassured you that things would be fine, that's all he could do.

"We'll get ahead of this, okay? Come here," He said while placing a kiss at your lips. He carried you to bed and sung you to sleep, trying to make sure that you were okay above all. While you slept, Jungkook placed your thigh over his torso and you held on tighter, causing him to coo at your cuteness. He pulled his phone out and snapped a picture from an angle, which protected your identity but would also send a message.

The next morning while you moved in and Jungkook tended to meetings, your phone had been going off with over a million mentions in a few minutes. You had to finish settling in with the movers that HYBE and BigHit had assigned, but it couldn't hurt to see what the media was saying. The last thing you expected was to be sent a post from your best friend from Jungkook's personal instagram with you in it. You had been protected, face and all covered and knocked out in your favorite position on him, in his oversized hoodie. You smiled even more at the caption.

Rather be with you.

[cinnamonest]

Since people actually liked it here's the continuation of the modern Xiao camgirl!darling post I cut from the original, as promised, most if it's under a cut. Here’s the original post. I didn’t think people would actually like the camgirl concept so I thought I was rambling too much and cut this part out lol but here it is now!

Tws: derogatory language/female slurs, mentions of reader being a cheater, reader is promiscuous, murder, incel-y mentality (our modern boy would be a 4chan user, look me in the eye and tell me I'm wrong) and mentions of upsetting realistic things, this one's darker than the first part. If you're bothered by other modern stuff for being too realistic best avoid this too probably, involuntary pornography ---------- Coming up on one year since you gained your most loyal subscriber, you get a rather... Unsettling request. He has something he would like this month, in fact, he adds a few hundred to the regular amount (he's been saving up just for this) and asks for just the answer to one simple question. What's your name?

Your real name, he clarifies. He doesn't need a last name, nothing like that. It would just... Make him feel closer to you. He avoids using the term "anniversary," even though that's what comes to mind. He also doesn't tell you that he already knows, that this is just a test of your honesty. For someone who's so cautious, you would think you would think to give a fake name whenever you go to coffee shops for them to yell out, or change it on the packages you get. You hesitate. And it would be easy to give him a fake one, yet, you don't really think about it too much, you kinda think about that as an afterthought, what you should have done, but your very real name is typed out and sent before you really process it, and you feel a sort of unease, but it's already sent. No big deal. He can't do much with just your first name, right? If your name is common, you feel pretty safe, but even if it's a rarer one, surely there are other people with it, right? He's happy though. Kinda surprised, really, that you didn't lie to him. Maybe you trust him?

You're not stupid, you know something is wrong, you're becoming paranoid. And you connect the weird feeling to him, bc he goes radio silence for several days leading up to finally taking you. This dude who used to respond to any messages you sent within 10 seconds suddenly... It's like he disappeared? He hasn't responded to anything you send him ever since you said your name. You send him messages saying you haven't heard from him in a while and you're worried... The way you word it makes it sound like you're worried about him, but you both know that's not what you really mean. You're hesitant and suspicious of every guy you meet. You buy pepper spray and start carrying some around, you nearly spray a poor guy who you thought was trailing you, turns out he just lives in your building. He makes note of it. He watched you buy it, and is quick to realize you always hold it in the same hand. That must be your dominant hand, that's an important mental note for the future, since you're more likely to try to attack him with that hand. He'll remember. He has a note in his phone with information like that. Height, weight, birthday, social security number, parents' names, school she graduated from. All in little bullet points. He adds dominant hand to the list. He's not worried at all really. Already watched you struggle to carry packages he could lift with one hand, your strength doesn't cross his mind as a threat. At first he just doesn't know what to say, and that's why he stops responding, he feels too awkward but... He starts to enjoy the weird feeling of power the whole situation is giving him. You're worried, you're constantly paranoid, and it's because of him. Now you finally understand the same feeling you inflict on him, how you consume his thoughts every waking moment of every day. It used to irritate him that you held so much power over him, while he meant nothing to you. Now, the tables have turned. You're forced to have him constantly in your mind, whether you like it or not, just like you are in his. It's giving you what you deserve. It gives him a feeling of significance. He matters, even if it's not in a good way. And he keeps telling himself that once he's all you have, he'll matter even more. He's smart enough to realize that if you're paranoid, you might have mentioned him by username to someone else, so to ensure he knows what to do from this point, he has to sneak into your apartment at night as you sleep. It's so unbearably tempting, you have no idea -- you're right there and so vulnerable. He has to hold himself back because he knows that if he so much as touched you, he couldn't hold back. But it's torture, standing there so close, watching your chest rise and fall as he fiddles with the phone. Even when he unlocks it with your thumb, he tries to hold the phone from an angle to do so, even if the skin of his hand grazes yours, it would be too much. You have a lot of contacts across your messages and a bunch of different apps. You have one guy in your online chat you've exchanged far more messages with than anyone else! Hundreds upon hundreds of messages, and huge paypal cash drops, who the hell is -- oh, wait, that's him. Nevermind. But, to his pleasant surprise, he's the only one of your... customers that you regularly talk to, the rest just have a few paypal notifications or clarifications on your policies, but no actual conversations like you have with him. Of course, that's literally part of your deal, he's literally paying for it, but it makes him happy nonetheless. But as he goes through your personal messages, he finds that you are... in no shortage of options. Like, holy shit. It was kind of expected. You *are* really pretty, that's how you have so many followers after all, but this is a lot. So many contacts named some variation of "DO NOT ANSWER!!!" or "creepy guy that forced me to give him my number at the club", etc etc. Plenty of unsaved numbers texting you to never get a response. You've ghosted enough dudes to make your place haunted. It's... kinda awful, really. It also kinda hurts his heart a bit more than he expected. You have so, so, so many options, even without the cam thing, he's more insignificant than he even realized. ...Well, for now, at least. He'll be significant to you soon enough. And then you seem to have a sort of "boyfriend of the month" deal going on, aside from that. Plenty of male-name contacts whose last exchange is a "don't talk to me again!" message from you, plenty of messages corresponding to the same time as those to your girl friends about how you can't find a good guy and every relationship ends badly. How unfortunate. See, it's because you choose bad guys. You probably go for dicks and not.... well, he can't exactly pull the "nice guys like me" mentality, he doesn't delude himself into thinking he is one. He's lucid enough to realize that most nice guys would not be sneaking into your house and standing over your sleeping body to stalk your phone as they make plans to kidnap you. He knows he would probably fall under the classification of a creepy guy. He's just too far gone to care. Still, he would be so much better to you, he tells himself, not a cheater or a player like you complain about. To say he resents those kinds of guys -- ones that can do the unthinkable and actually talk to girls, let alone successfully, only to be assholes, and yet girls like you still go for them -- is an understatement. You're basically just a slut, you probably ignore all the guys that would be nice to you, just like all those internet forums he reads talk about. Typical.

Well, those forums also make fun of guys like him who pay for girls like you, but he can't blame them. It *is* kinda pathetic. There is one dude you talk to, though, now. Current boyfriend of the month, from the looks of it. You have a little heart emoji next to the name. He knows it's kinda pathetic that something so simple and insignificant sets him off, but it does, makes him pout and grind his teeth and curl his other hand into a fist. It's so unfair. Some dude you barely know gets to fuck you, and you haven't even known him nearly as long as you've known him! He doubts this dude -- hell, any of your boyfriends -- has put in the same amount of money that he has into you. They fuck you practically for free. And that, unfortunately for you, only solidifies his decision. If you're fucking some dude for a month because they buy you dinner every now and then, if we're going by that scale, then you owe him quite a good deal of pussy. Any hesitancy or guilt he had about the whole thing is gone. And he's a little mad. Keeps grumbling to himself that you're just a loose whore, fucking so many people and putting yourself out there on the internet. He wonders if they even know about what you do. Probably not, you probably don't tell them. Yeah, that sounds like what you'd do. Really, you're kinda lucky that someone like him is so willing to commit to you, since you are a slut. You don't deserve it, but he loves you anyway. And you'll probably have the nerve to be ungrateful for it too. Sigh. On the bright side, by some miracle, it would appear that you have not told any real-life people about him, you haven't sent out any hey if I disappear you should probably look into this creep type of messages. But he can't afford to have you doing so in between now and when you move in with him, so, he decides he has to act within the next 24 hours. While he's here, though, he decides to do a quick sweep of your place. Makes note of what snacks and drinks you like, what brand of toothpaste and shampoo and the like you use, so he can buy some for you. Maybe you'll adjust better if you have some of your favorite things. And then, after days of silence, he sends you a message, says it's fine, his internet went out for a few days. He means it to reassure you, but somehow it makes you feel more uneasy. He has everything planned out, or so he thinks. But you deviate from your usual schedule. When you leave work or class, you don't go home, you go somewhere else, first. How strange. Maybe picking up groceries? He follows from a distance. No, looks like you're going out to eat...? Maybe you're meeting friends or family or -- no that's a guy. Fuck. You must have planned this just earlier today, since there were no messages on your phone. It makes a bitter feeling rise in his gut. He hates that he can't get close enough to listen to your conversation. Well, he hates the whole thing, sits there and seethes the whole time. Watches you through the windows in the parking lot, thankfully you chose to sit outside. Feels his eye twitch and his hand clench every time you smile and laugh. It takes way too long. The fact that you split the bill feels like a punch to the stomach too. Shouldn't you be used to taking guys' money? Oh, and what's this...? This guy isn't the picture on boyfriend-of-the-month's contact. Well, well, well. You really are a whore. See, it's a very good thing he's taking you off the market. You're probably a reckless heartbreaker too. He's doing all the other men of the world a favor by taking on such a burden as you. And it makes him feel far more justified in keeping you locked away, since he has every reason to believe, now, that you'd run off and fuck someone else if given the chance. Halfway through, the guy briefly gets up and runs to the bathroom or something. While he's gone, he sees your face fall a bit. And then he sees you look around. You turn your head from one side to the other. Your eyes scan the area. You shuffle uncomfortably and you bite your lip and your eyebrows furrow. You're scared. You feel like -- no, you know you're being watched and it scares you. That makes him a little happy, for some reason. He wouldn't be sure what to do if you went home with the guy, but thankfully you don't. No big deal, this was just a bump in the road, he still beats you back to your building and he still goes through with the original plan. Even better, now that it's even darker outside. If anything, now he's got extra aggression and testosterone in his blood, running over the events in his head and going through some... very forceful and violent fantasies. The message he sent had you uneasy, and it's also how you immediately know what's going on when it does finally happen. You keep telling yourself you're being unnecessarily paranoid, that it's nothing, maybe that guy actually got his life together or got a girlfriend or something. Things like... What you fear, don't happen in real life, that's stuff that only happens in movies and stuff. You keep calling it that or it in your head. That won't happen to you. It's not going to happen. The series of events that play out in your head, scenarios you try to push out of your mind. Sure, in the movies it always takes place in the stairwell, but that's fiction, so you go up the apartment stairwell as always. You're not gonna let a bunch of B-grade old films scare you. And it's always some dude standing and waiting, but that nice young boy that you've never seen before is just leaning against the wall, scrolling on his phone, he only glances up for a second as you pass by, he's not a threat, you're being paranoid. You flash a smile and a little wave as you walk by, he doesn't return either, just looks back down at his phone. See? This guy doesn't even care, you're being paranoid for nothing, you tell yourself. But as you make the turn to go up the next set of stairs you hear the click of a phone being put on the lockscreen, a few metallic footsteps ringing out in the open hall and echoing, coming up right behind you, but for that split second you expect a tap on the shoulder, maybe he has a question, it's not like movies, it's not like movies, you're not gonna get a cloth shoved over your face and--- Well, it's not exactly like the movies. You were prepared, but it all happens in one motion - one hand grabs the hand with the spray and twists it, making you drop it, the other wraps some material over your mouth. You were prepared enough that you don't gasp in surprise, you hold your breath and thrash, but it doesn't make any difference, you wiggle and writhe for a few moments but can't even begin to break free, eventually succumb to the lack of oxygen and take a deep breath. It takes a few seconds to settle in, it's not so immediate. You instinctively panic and thrash again, but he has a complete iron grip. The dizziness takes a second to set in. He huffs a bit in frustration and says stop moving, it's fine. It's definitely not, but it occurs to you that that's not something a kidnapper looking for any potential vulnerable girl says. It's a poor attempt at comfort. It's someone specifically looking for you. And if that wasn't enough, he says your name. Your very real name. Maybe it was a mistake to tell him after all. But the worst part of it all is that there's not a single doubt in your mind, even in your panic you have the realization, it's definitely him and this is literally exactly what you were afraid of. And it's the last thing that goes through your head. And once he's got you out cold he just takes a sigh of relief. He may have been very neutral faced to you, but in reality he was incredibly nervous. He hasn't exactly made or used chloroform before, our boy is operating on YouTube tutorials here. He's got adrenaline pumping through his veins and carries you with his arms trembling. He's on autopilot carrying you out, but his mind is also consumed by holy fuck I'm touching her she smells so nice she's so warm her face is so close I'm actually touching her-- you get the idea. He feels bad about taping your hands and feet together and putting you in the trunk of his car, kinda. It feels too much like what a really bad person would do to a girl they didn't care about, like he's a trafficker or a murderer or a criminal or something, but that's not true at all. Sure, he's still mad at you for being a whore and all that, but it feels improper, he just has no choice. It's late at night, but he can't risk getting pulled or being at a stoplight and someone seeing an unconscious girl in his backseat, so, trunk it is. But once he's home, to his tiny little downtown apartment (he'll probably be able to move into a better place soon, since he's not paying you tons of money anymore), he takes a quick check to make sure the coast is clear, and drags you out, up the stairs, all the way into his apartment, sets you down on the bed, where you'll be staying. He even washed the sheets and cleaned the place up a bit for your arrival. You probably would not like to see what this place looked like before the five trash bags worth of cleaning was done. He'll probably be more motivated in the future, though, since now he won't be so depressed all the time. And then the adrenaline of the fear of being seen is over, and that's when it sets in that this is real. It's very, very hard to hold back. You're real, in the flesh, he can reach out and touch you with his hands! It feels like a dream. And he realizes he can take this opportunity to do things he would be far, far too embarrassed to do when you're awake. He takes a few minutes to do just that, cautiously reaches out to poke your face, and then run a hand down your neck, your skin is so soft! Your hair smells so nice, he lays down beside you and runs his fingers over it. Puts hands on your body and just lays there in awe of the fact that you're real. He's pretty certain he's never actually touched a human female before now. Everything about you feels soft. Weirdly feminine, which is something very foreign and confusing to him. And he kinda uh... Loses it. Goes buckwild with just taking in every aspect of you. Again, since you're unconscious he can be gross and entirely shameless about it. Peels your clothes off and runs his hands and mouth over every inch of flesh, takes the tape off your lips and presses his tongue into your limp mouth until he's forced to let go to breathe, fingers you and tonguefucks you and sucks on your nipples and your neck. Lays pressed against you and just breathes in your scent. It takes every ounce of self control he has not to fuck you already. But he does jerk off a few times. That way he'll last longer, so it's a win-win. And then... you twitch. Tape goes back over your mouth. And then, you twitch again. And this time, you make a little "mm!" under the tape, you start trembling and he sees you try to pull your hands apart. You whimper. It sounds scared and distressed. He feels kinda bad, but it also makes him hard, and that outweighs any guilt by far. Besides, it's what you deserve after what you did earlier. You tortured him mentally, it's only fair. On the good side of things, you suppose, you don't have to worry about the usual fears one would have over such a situation - you're fairly certain he's not going to kill you, nor sell you. In fact, the bed you wake up on is pretty soft. You're naked and the tape is uncomfortable, but... At least he was considerate enough to give you a blanket. He does care about you, after all. First thing he says is asking if you're awake. Can you hear me? You hesitate a moment, and then you nod. He's a bit new to this whole abduction thing. He wants to make sure he didn't pull a muscle or something with the tape. So... Do you hurt anywhere? Does your head hurt? Oh, right, the tape. He's not stupid either. You have to promise you're not going to scream. In fact, he's angry enough about earlier that he gets a bit meaner than he originally told himself he'd be. If you scream, I'll make you regret it. Understand? You nod, so he takes it off, holding it close in preparation in case you were lying, but you don't actually answer him, you're silent again for a minute, then just ask a question of your own. You're that guy, right? He's silent for a few seconds, there's no need for any clarification. Finally just says yeah. You just breathe again. Silently. Finally you summon the courage to ask him what he wants with you. And why are you doing this to me? And his answer is fairly simple. What do you think? You don't say anything for a minute, and neither does he. He's not good with words, and you don't really have ones for this situation. It occurs to you that offering to pay him to let you go is probably not the solution. After all, this is the guy that's dumped unimaginable amounts of money onto you, you couldn't even come close to paying him back. You figure maybe, after he gets what he wants... well, you get the courage to ask.  Is there anything... that I can do o-or... anything that will make you... are you gonna let me go, after you....? And the answer is, again, simple, but the one you did not want to hear. No. He's a blunt boy, so he doesn't beat around the bush, but he doesn't torment you by keeping anything from you. In fact, he's already rehearsed this speech a few hundred times in his head. He just wanted to make sure he's very clear so there's no misunderstanding, and while he likes some discomfort in a vengeful sort of way, he doesn't want you to be too freaked out to where you have a panic attack. He says he's just going to... keep you here. He has the things you'll need. He got your purse with your keys, so he'll even run to your apartment after this to go get some of your stuff. You don't need to tell him which number, he adds, he already knows which apartment you're in. He needs you here, he says. And he makes sure to add that it's your fault. If you were never out there selling yourself in the first place, this never would have happened. If you're good, he can make things a bit better for you. But you need to go ahead and accept that you're going to be staying and that no amount of begging or offers is going to convince him to let you go. He can be nice to you, he promises. A better boyfriend than the others. You just have to be a good girlfriend -- you know, obedient and sweet and do what he says. Just like you always were when you talked to him. Just keep being sweet like that and doing the things he tells you to do. You would argue that the terms boyfriend and girlfriend are not appropriate descriptors of the sort of relationship he's creating, but you keep that thought to yourself. Instead, you ask, How long are you going to keep me here? Which is a dumb question, since he's pretty sure he already made that clear. Forever. -----

There's a double homicide in the area. Takes place on the same night, and the same diameter of knife is used, so police believe maybe the two incidents are connected. Especially because they do have something in common, one girl. She was romantically involved with both of them. The girl in question's apartment has been vacated, very suddenly, and the girl has disappeared without a trace, taking things with her from the looks of it, so police believe she may be responsible, but other than that, they have no leads. A few weeks later, a video circulates all over the internet. Some famous camgirl finally started making porn, apparently. Just one video, but the description (which was totally written by her, it has to be since it's written in first person right?) says something about how she decided to quit camming, so this video marks the end of her career. She got into a relationship, so she says in the description, so she has to quit. It's roleplay porn, apparently, she's doing a good job at the acting. All tied up and gagged and getting fucked by some big-dicked guy holding the camera. He's silent, but she's making a ton of noise, cums several times. Really good acting, the fear and desperation in her eyes looks so real. Talk about going out with a bang. It gets a lot of likes. Tons of comments about how sad people are she's quitting. And of course, a lot of comments say, what a lucky guy.

[xreader-writing]

I’m just saying | Sebastian Stan

Sumarry → Sebastian is sure that Y / n and he were made for each other.

Pairing → Sebastian Stan X Reader

Characters → Sebastian Stan, Y/N

Word Count → 758

A/N → I had already posted this same story on my previous account, but it was with another artist, but now I've changed some things and now it's with Seb. <3♡ English is not my first language, so I’m sorry for any mistakes.

SEBASTIAN STAN MASTERLIST | Open requests!

Sebastian and Y / n were on their third date, Sebastian was already sure he wanted to date her, well, he was in love, but Y / n seemed to be more relaxed about it.

He had already tried to talk to her about it, but Y / n always managed to escape the conversation.

But Sebastian was a determined man, and he was determined to show Y / n that if she allowed it, they would have a beautiful future together.

“So…” He started talking as the two left the ice cream parlor.

Their hands were almost touching, so Sebastian took courage and took her hand, interlacing her fingers.

He thought Y / n would let go of his hand, but actually she shook his hand, making Sebastian smile more.

While the two were returning to Y / n’s house, several couples in love passed by them, it seemed that the universe was trying to say something to them.

“You know Y / n, I saw many couples today, but you know what? We are the most beautiful couple of all.” Sebastian says this with a cheeky smile on his face, and is satisfied when he sees Y / n’s flushed cheeks.

“Stop!” Y / n says pushing Sebastian with his free hand, and the two smiled.

“Hey.” Sebastian speaks stopping in the middle of the sidewalk, making Y / n stop too, he knew he had to say everything he felt now, or she would find a way to escape again, he couldn’t do that anymore, he officially wanted her.

“Seb, it’s getting late, let’s go home.” Y / n says trying to pull Sebastian, but he doesn’t let it.

“No, you will not run away this time.” He says pulling her shoulders, and giving her a tight hug, Y / n sighs and hugs Sebastian's waist resting his head on his chest.

“Why do you keep running away from me, huh? I like you a lot, don’t you like me?” Sebastian says stroking Y / n’s hair.

“Of course I like it but … Look, let’s go home.” She says letting go of Sebastian and starting to walk again.

“I don’t understand Y / n, if you like me, and I like you, what prevents us from being together?” Sebastian runs to reach Y / n.

“Wait Y / n, please.” He says holding Y / n’s wrist.

“Why don’t you let our relationship evolve? the problem is me?”

“No Seb, I just … I’m afraid of ruining what we have.” Sebastian looks at her confused.

“My previous relationships were not good, I always ended up hurt, and I still ruined a friendship, I don’t want this for us Seb, I don’t want to ruin this, because I love going out with you, and you make me very happy, and I don’t want to let this end.” When Y / n finishes speaking, Sebastian finally understands.

Y / n liked Sebastian, and because I liked him, I was afraid of losing him.

Seb looks fondly at Y / n, and then holds his face with his hands, stroking his cheeks with his thumbs.

“My love, you need to understand that it’s not because your old relationships were bad, that your future relationships will be bad too.” Says Seb, and gives Y / n a kiss on the forehead.

“You’re right.” Y / n says softly, and Sebastian kisses his cheek and chin.

“If you want, we can start slowly, okay?” Seb says, and Y / n smiles in confirmation.

“What if you get sick of me?”

“My dear, you are the most extraordinary person I have ever met, it is impossible for anyone to get sick of you.” Sebastian says with an affectionate look.

Sebastian touched her lips softly and Y / n was never happier, the kiss was tender and gentle and she felt her heart beat faster and faster.

As soon as the two parted, they smiled at each other and Sebastian filled Y / n’s face with kisses, making him smile happily.

“Come on my baby, I’ll take you home.” Seb says giving Y / n a last kiss, and interlacing his fingers again.

“I can already imagine our children, you know?” Sebastian says when the two started walking again.

“You said that we could go slow in this relationship.” Y / n laughs.

“I’m just saying that if we had kids, they would be beautiful, don’t you think? Because I know.” Sebastian comments imagining what it would be like to have a family with Y / n.

“If you want we can try-

"Sebastian no!” Y/n speaks smiling even more feeling his cheeks heat up, and Seb smiles having fun with it.

This is just the beginning of a long and beautiful relationship.

─────────────✧──────────────

[issaxcharlie]

You are mine

Pairing: Alive! Luke Patterson x Fem Reader

Summary: Luke and Y/N have many problems and commitments in their lives and instead of solving them they decide to blame the other. Eventually, the fights end their relationship. Luke travels with Sunset Curve during the summer and when he returns he has a pretty clear idea in his head. He wants his girl back.

But it's not as easy as it sounds when the competition had 3 months to score points with the cheerleader in his absence.

 Three months. Luke has gone three months without seeing Y/N. They have been inseparable since they met when they were 12 years old, never spending more than days without seeing each other. But the moment they broke up Luke knew he had to get out of the freaking town because if he couldn't distance himself he was going to end up the very next day at his ex-girlfriend's house begging her to accept him back. And the truth is that both needed to breathe and rethink what each one is looking for in their future.

Because although he’s head over heels in love with her, the truth is that both were in a moment of their lives in which they couldn’t and specially wanted to adapt to what the other needed. They had a lot of different responsabilities and things to do, it was just hard sometimes to add more to the list.

Which meant that she missed several of his concerts, that he was late for her birthday party, that there was no time for dates, that they didn’t feel supported. Many arguments trying to fix things that never came to anything because neither of them really wanted to commit. None willing to give in.

And then the painful but friendly breakup in early summer happened.

Bobby has a truck and the boys decided that doing a roadtrip during the summer performing wherever they could to earn enough to keep traveling was a brilliant idea to distract him and make the band known, and he agreed without looking back.

Things turned out much better than any of the four expected and they even had the luxury of traveling one more week, so they have a week of homework to catch up on. Will his relationship have ended on good enough terms to ask Y/N? Homework is not that big of a deal for him but it usually takes him a little longer to miss more than 15 assignments.

As soon as Luke opens the front door, his eyes fall straight on her. She is on her back trying to hang up some posters, but he would recognize that body wherever, from whatever angle.

His eyes immediately scan her wrist, which doesn't have any of the couple matching black-and-white bracelets they both used to wear all the time.

The first of many reminders Luke would get that day about his breakup with the cheerleader.

Y/N stands on her tiptoes trying to reach the height required for the poster, but no matter how hard she tries, she can't reach it. She’s just going to give up and ask for help when she feels some strong and determined hands lift her without any sign of trouble or doubt.

She doensn’t need to turn her head or listen to his voice, the strong grip on each side of her hips and his intoxicating perfume are more than enough to confirm who is lifting her in the air.

Luke is not playing fair. Y/N hears his husky and seductive voice as his lips lightly brush her ear. “I know you love my hands on you, but do you plan to put up the poster at some point?”

The cheerleader is shocked for a few seconds, until murmurs around them remind her that they are not alone. She puts the poster as fast as she can and instructs her ex-boyfriend to take her down.

Reluctantly she turns around and for the first time in quite a few weeks her eyes meet her favorite ones, which at least for the moment, are deep green.

"You can't do that, Lucas. We broke up."

He smirks. She only calls him like that when she's trying really hard to scold him even though it's not what she actually wants. She tries to look more determined and tough, but he can see through it all.

He decides to rest one of his arms on the wall, leaning just enough so that their foreheads are almost touching, and then smiles at her. One of those smiles that she used to classify as the most tender and beautiful sight in the world and that used to receive a light sweet kiss in return.

But this time, instead of a kiss, her gaze tells him that he is crossing the limit and that it’s better to stop. Neither has to say anything, she doesn't need to throw his arm out of the way or yell at him to move.

The two of them know each other better than anyone, and when Luke sees that expression, her wrinkled nose, her eyes lit with annoyance, her crooked mouth, he knows it's time to retreat.

“I’m sorry ba-” His gaze automatically saddens as he remembers that he can no longer call her that. He can see that her eyes also look a little sadder and duller after imagining what the guitarist was going to say. “I’m sorry Y/N. I just missed you.”

“Luke, look at this man. I've been here for 10 minutes and already 14 girls gave me their numbers to pass them to you! I guess word got around that you're single again.”

Alex and Reggie go blank when they are close enough to see their beautiful friend, since Luke was covering her from their sight. The guitarist turns to tap Reggie on the shoulder, and Alex decides to hug her to ease the tension in the air. Her hands are shaking, and Alex is not sure if from sadness or jealousy, but he decides not to say anything and keep hugging her, trying to make her feel supported.

“We missed you so much, we are not Sunset Curve without you.” Alex confesses loud enough for the other two members present to listen and nod their heads.

“I missed you too, boys. My summer was too peaceful and quiet without my favorite band.” The drummer lets go of her and Reggie replaces him by hugging her tightly, moving his arms behind her back silently asking Luke what to do with all the papers in his hands. The annoyed guitarist takes them and throws them away without thinking twice. Reg whispers "rude" and his friend rolls his eyes at him.

Reggie lets go and the four of them stare each other for a few seconds, none knowing what to say or do.

"Hello, sorry but I came to escort this beauty to her next class."

The fifth voice belongs to Cameron Green, who has just appeared in front of them and offers the girl his arm to intertwine with hers.

The perfect captain of the football team. Luke has known for years that the guy has some feelings for his girl, but he never had to worry because he knows her, she would never do anything that would put his trust at risk. But now, things are different.

She takes a step forward to accept the gesture and turns to see the boys one last time.

"I guess I'll see you on music class." She offers an apologetic smile, Alex smiles back to let her know it’s okay.

"But what about lunch break?" Reggie asks, after all, the five have been sitting together for years, they didn’t even separate when Y/N entered the cheer squad.

"I promised to sit down with Cam, sorry guys. But see you later!"

Y/N turns to look at Luke for a few seconds, as if waiting for him to stop her. But never happened.

So both her and Cameron walk until the band can’t see them in the sea of students. Reggie and Alex turn to see their friend, who has his hands wrapped in fists and looks totally crimson, his face irradiates frustration as he clenches his teeth.

“I prOmiseD tO SiT DoWN WitH CaM, fucking hell I’m out of here.”

“You are not going anywhere, man! It’s time for an intervention.” Reggie takes his friends by the arm and leads them to the janitor's closet where he pushes them and closes the door.

“The janitor's closet, really?” Alex asks and Reggie smiles proudly. “..Okay.”

"This is stupid, can we get out of here now?" They both return their attention to Luke, his face radiating despair.

"No. You can't keep prolonging this anymore. What did you think? That no one was going to try to date the most popular girl in school? Are you really so self-centered as to believe that no one would dare just because you are the ex boyfriend? Local rockstar or not, she’s a gem."

“Of course not, I just went into denial, I guess. All I know is that I miss her. I missed her every day this endless summer. I know the experience was amazing, but every night while I was singing the only thing I could think about is how much I wanted to see her beautiful dorky face in the small audience. The way she blushes when I'm singing straight to her direction and I send her a wink. The passion with which she sings each of the songs that she has been listening to over and over for years. How proud she looks of us as we give that final bow.

And it’s stupid, you know? Because somehow, I forced myself to think that having a girlfriend was depriving me of the opportunity to live experiences like that, to live my dream the fullest.

And what I ended up discovering when I did them is that my dream is simply never going to be fulfilled without her. As Alex said, she is as much part of Sunset Curve as any of us. And that now she has other interests or priorities doesn’t diminish how much she loves us and how much we love her, our dreams don't have to collide. And I'm a real idiot who took 3 months to realize it while I'm sure that fake dude was doing his fight to win her over.”

“FINALLY!” They both scream while hugging their brother. “Dude, I’m pretty sure she’s still in love with you, just act fast. You both have to stop being so stubborn and learn to give in for each other's sake from time to time. You cannot ask the other what you do not give.” Alex advises.

“I’ll win my girl back.” Luke smiles, hoping that if he says it with enough conviction it will come true.

The boys decide to go back to classes, by the time they are about to reach the lockers for gym, the other guys are already there and a lively conversation is heard.

“Man, it's not like I've been in love with her for years. I don't even know her. But stealing Luke Patterson’s girlfriend who is casually the most popular girl in school, is simply the step that makes you a legend in this small town. Not to mention that perfect body, what I would do to her if I had the chance."

No one has noticed the Sunset Curve members are present, and the second they hear him Reggie and Alex cover Luke's mouth and drag him out of there.

“I’m going to kill him! And before you say it, I don't care if it's the stupid football captain! If his monkeys hit me I have the satisfaction that I already gave him a black eye and I took out 3 teeth from him. No one is going to play or talk about her like that!"

To say that he is angry is an understatement. He is shaking with fury, moving in the small hall from one side to the other trying to calm the urge to slam his fist against the wall, because if he is going to slam it somewhere it will be in that idiot's face.

“You have to control yourself and be smart for once! he is the golden boy of the school, no matter how popular you are, your reputation as a bad boy is not going to win against his. Maybe not even with Y/N, she might think you're just fired up to see them together."

As much as it hurts to admit it, Alex is right. That clown has convinced everyone in the school with the idea that he doesn’t break a plate. While the guitarist is famous for skipping classes and playing clubs until dawn.

“And what am I supposed to do? I hope you don't suggest that I just sit around doing nothing."

Reggie takes two steps back in case Alex's suggestion is in fact Luke to do nothing. After all, he has to protect that adorable face.

“I’m not telling you to do nothing, I’m asking you to pay attention to what’s really important. Don't focus on him, focus on her."

He’s not going to say it aloud, but Alex is right, again. She should always be his main focus.

After his friends manage to convince him to take the peaceful route, Luke spends the rest of the day searching for the right words to say, but it’s difficult to find inspiration when every time he turns the love of his life is next to a jerk who is only trying to deceive her.

Not to mention lunch break, every time that idiot tried to touch her or get too close, the guitarist felt his blood boil. The only thing that kept him sane is that she politely pushed him away each and every time.

Reggie managed to convince her to come to the studio with them after her cheer training, just like they used to do last school year. The boys waited for her each time and then she accompanied them to their band rehearsals. Or at least they did before both she and Luke started arguing for not wanting to put in that extra effort.

Alex and Reggie watched as the relationship began to decline and the fights began to escalate. And when the breakup became official, they knew they had to keep the exes away from each other. The ex couple had never been apart and it was important for them to make their friends realized how much they want and love each other's presence in their lives. How lucky they are to have such a supportive partner at their side.

They never said anything to Luke but they could see how sad and depressed the guitarist looked without her. As if that spark in him was missing.

All day they were observing their girly who looked just as miserable, that special aura full of dull energy.

Alex had a theory that he explained to Reggie. When a relationship finishes going through that time where it feels new and recent, when you get used to the other as a couple, sometimes it is easy to take things for granted and not want to continue trying or giving the extra.

Sometimes you get lost in that lapse, and finding a balance is not easy. But when you love someone as much as they love each other, well, it’s easy to guess they’ll find the way.

So while Alex distracted Luke, Reggie ran to convince his girl friend to join them, which wasn't easy considering she already had plans with the football player. At that moment the bassist was grateful Luke was not around to hear that.

Once they are together, things will settle down. They have both suffered enough to know that without a doubt everything they have to do for the other is worth it. It’s time for them to stop being stubborn because Reg and Alex are not going to bear being in the middle for long. Those two can be insufferable sometimes.

So, that's how Sunset Curve ended in the stands. Watching her friend as the squad lifted her to the top of the pyramid.

Luke can't help but see her with loving eyes. He feels so proud of her, and that’s when he realizes he can’t remember the last time he actually told her, and that hurts him. She should hear those words every day, and if he is lucky enough for her to accept him back, that will be one of the first things that will change.

He's so focused on watching her, that he doesn't realize the football team is starting a fight just yards away until Reggie hits him on the shoulder.

Cameron pushes one of his teammates straight into the pyramid, which begins to disarm before the guitarist's eyes.

Some of her team manage the impact not be too strong, but she still stays motionless on the ground for a few seconds because of the shock.

Cameron Green kneels in front of her, Luke tries desperately to pass but two big guys get behind their captain to block him.

“Get the fuck out of my way!” The desperation in his voice indicates that he will do whatever it takes to get to her.

“Leave her alone already, Patterson!”

Reggie and Alex catch up with him and mentally prepare for what lies ahead, when they hear Y/N's weak voice.

"No! Luke, please. I need Luke."

The guitarist takes advantage of everyone's momentary shock after hearing her voice and manages to get to her side.

“I- I- I’m here, baby. I’m here, don’t worry. Everything will be fine.” Luke lightly caresses her cheek while examining her body, it seems that it was more the scare than anything else.

“I know.” She smiles at the contact of Luke’s hand in her skin.

“Yeah?” He asks almost in a whisper, he is hypnotized watching her. Trying with all his might not to kiss her.

“Yes, you are here. As long as we are together everything will be fine.”

“Is this your subtle way to tie me up again?” Luke teases while helping her sit up. The whole crowd watches them around the field. Cameron looking angry just a few yards away.

She laughs. A wholesome laugh, full of happiness. “Oh honey, we all know you never stopped being mine."

If there is something that turns him on, is his Y/N’s confidence. (And see her in nothing but his t-shirts but that’s not the point.)

“Right back atcha, baby.” He brushes his lips against hers while making that seducting face that she can hardly ever resist, but this time she surprises him by taking him from behind the neck and crashing her lips on his.

The people around them begin to applaud the show, and without interrupting the passionate kiss Luke puts his arms around her back and legs to lift her up and carry her away.

Reggie and Alex do a fist bump and then one looks for Y/N's things and the other for Luke's and follows them from behind.

"They endured a whole school day, wow."

"If we hadn't stolen Luke from her over summer they would have been 2 hours apart and it would have been the most embarrassing separation of all time."

"The two of them were going through a lot and they didn't know how to cope at the time, but now that they are both better, I’m very happy they’re back together, they are soulmates."

“They sure are, Reg. Did you see Cameron's face when Luke stuck his tongue down Y/N's throat? PRICELESS.”

Thank you for reading✨

Taglist: @writerinlearning, @ghostofmgg, @strangerthanfanfiction713, @thebloodthirstyvampress, @kinda-really-lost, @kcd15, @magnet-girl, @aliandthephantoms, @stxrkspidey, @pinkrockstar19, @s0uz4s, @shycupcakealissa, @cookiebuba, @fangirlangioma, @sageellsworth05, @twist3dtinkerbell, @sunsetcurvenotsunsetswerve, @caitsymichelle13, @ifilwtmfc, @luckylouiebug, @bibliophilewednesday, @totomoshi, @siennanoelle01, @lunashadow6955, @bookfrog247, @morganayennefertyrell, @kiss-themoongoodbye, @rachelle3musicals

[gb-patch]

Ask Answers: May 15th Part 1

It’s been longer than usual since our last answer session, so I’m answering a ton of questions today! It’s so big I split it into two parts. Thank you for the patience on getting a response to these.

Thanks for reaching out to us with your questions and kind words ^^!

Sorry if this has been asked before or isn't something you can say but is there anyway for Cove to confess in step 4? I wanted him to confess in step 3 and followed all the steps to make him do it but ended up texting my family instead of Cove at the end.

Yeah, Cove can confess in Step 4!

Hello! I heard that Cove is on the spectrum, albeit undiagnosed. As someone who is ND, this makes me UNBELIEVABLY happy. I literally was brought to tears! Thank you for that!

Out of curiosity, will Cove be diagnosed in Step 4? I have a strong feeling y’all won’t make it a HUGE deal/make it out to be negative, so I’m not worried about that whatsoever! I’m just curious just he’ll off handedly mention it? Or will it just not be touched upon at all (which is ok!)?

Either way is ok, I’m just curious!

I’m happy it made you happy! Admittedly, Cove simply being someone with autism that grew up not being diagnosed was something I included for myself. I didn’t really think anyone would notice or ask about it, aha. But players did start to have questions about his traits, so I started to talk about it outside of the game. It’s great to see it get such a positive response and now I do feel like having it be a non-topic may have been the wrong choice and bringing it up would’ve been good in terms of having positive representation for that. I don’t know if I’ll find a way to mention it in Step 4 now, with how far along the game is, but I am at least thinking about it when originally it wasn’t something I really even considered.

Hey!  Just wanted to say thank you for Our Life.  It's been a bright spot and a needed escape in what's otherwise been a crummy year.  I know you just did a Q&A post but I figured I'd ask anyway.  Was just curious about Step 4.  Will it be similar to the other Steps in that it consists of several different moments or will it just be one long sequence?

Step 4 is shorter than the prior Steps because it’s just an epilogue rather than a full arc of a story. It’ll consist of scenes that all happen in a set row one after the other. There won’t be a collection of Moments to choose from. But it’ll still be very sweet and fun.

¡hola!, you see, first I want to say that I love Our Life! (°◡°♡) and I have 2 important questions, would Cove cry watching titanic? and what is the saddest part according to him? (sorry for my english) 

Titanic would make him cry. He’d probably think the parts showing people who aren’t able to make it to the life boats/are choosing to stay and go down with the ship were the saddest.

Hello, I wanted to ask how much you earn with creating games? Like is it possible to make a living? Thank you >< <3 

How much I earn varies a lot month to month based on Steam sales, Patreon backers, and how many projects are in full production at the time. It’s also hard to say how much I make historically, since that also changes dramatically year by year. But I do earn enough to work on these games full time! I really appreciate all the support that allows me to do that.

Hey!! I was wondering for the 18+ Our Life moment, will there be an emphasis on safety/comfort for all involved? I feel like there  would be just going off of what the rest of the game is like, but I wanted to ask 

Yes! Cove is a nervous boy himself and also super cautious about doing anything the MC doesn’t like, so clear consent from both is absolutely needed for anything to happen. It’s a conversational sexy times Moment with stops/starts so the two can talk about how they’re feeling, rather than a heat of the moment just going for it kind of thing.

Hey!! I was wondering how long the wedding dlc would be? Will it be broken up into moments, or just one big event? 

It’s one long series of scenes all in a row rather than a collection of Moments to pick from. It’s the shortest and the least expensive of all the DLCs. It’s not super crucial to get and those who aren’t into big weddings can totally skip it without worry.

HELLO AMAZING DEVS 👋 i am hopelessly in love with the worst guy ever (jeremy king) and because of this i have a really stupid question: does he really hate people who are nice to him? TvT he’s too cute to be mean to istg it’s a miracle JB held the urge to be consistently nice to him bc just look at his FACE he is so cute! thank you for jeremy’s route it’s so lovely (and awful bc he’s scum 11/10) it gave me so much laughs LMAO i hope you guys have a good day!! 

Haha, thank you. He doesn’t hate them but he’s certainly not pleased with them. Jeremy is either uncomfortable with or annoyed by people being sweet on him, depending on how they approach it. He’s far more comfortable with jerkiness. It lets him relax and he can be himself without it being a problem, since he’s also a jerk. He feels a level of guilt being such a little punk to kind people, not enough to be a better person but still.

Has Cove dated or been interested in someone other than MC? 

Nope! He stays single over the course of the game if he’s not with the MC.

Is Step 4 more mature? Or it's gonna be set in similar atmosphere as Step 3? 

Step 4 is a similar atmosphere as Step 3. Though, it’s actually kind of less mature-topic heavy than Step 3 since it’s just a ‘hey, let’s check in on the gang to see what they’re up to’ style epilogue rather than a story arc with serious issues.

will there be new music for now and forever?? or will the old our life music be reused? 

It’s gonna be a brand new soundtrack. We’ll be opening up a job position for that soon.

Hi, is it okay if we use the assets in Our Life (like the sprites) for fanworks or fan content content, like edits? 

Sure! Just as long as you don’t use the assets made by those artists to make money.

Quick clarification on Step 3 choices: I hope I didn't come off rude (because I LOVE the game, really!!), I was just curious because the intro threw me off at times. For example, you could choose how you felt about Elizabeth in Step 2 (Dinner), but during the Step 3 intro, it says that you got closer to Liz and I didn't get a choice in it. 

For the example, it can’t be helped that you’re closer to Liz in Step 3 than you were in Step 2 because she’s inherently closer to the MC regardless of whether you liked her or not in Step 2. Her feelings are out of your control and the game isn’t so dramatic that you can push her affection away and not let her bond with you, haha. But ‘being closer’ can still be relative. For some people maybe that means you’re best buds now and for others it might just mean you’re not fighting all the time any more. If there’s other parts you want to mention, feel free to let us know.

Did the illustrator for Our Life change? 

We have many OL artists! The main artists who set the game’s style haven’t changed, but there’s multiple other artists who help finish assets.

So Miranda's type is confident and outgoing, huh? So...does that mean Terri's her type?? 👀 

Haha, sorry for the late reply on this. As you might’ve seen in our post yesterday- yeah that is her type.

Hey! First, I just want to say I've really enjoyed how detailed OL got with gender identity and sexuality and how respectful the topics were handled! It's been so wonderful to play since the experiences could be close to my own (I'd be lying if I said I didn't tear up at parts). Second, I was wondering, would future games explore the topic of polyamory? I'd love to see more visual novels allow room for that and I saw you've explored the topic before.

Keep up the amazing work! ♡

Thank you! We do want to include polyamory in at least some of our future projects. Floret Bond, which might be what you’re referring to when mentioning how we’ve explored the topic before, is on hold unfortunately. So right now I’m not sure when something might release or what will be the first game of ours to come out with poly relationships (we might do something else before FB is done). We’ll have see how things ends up coming together.

Hey um. I feel like im not allowed to ask this on the private discord cuz people will yell at me but why is there so much focus on OL2 and not finishing OL1 stuff? I like the new people but i kind of want to finish cove's story and get derek and baxter stuff first. didn't people pay for it? 

I’m sorry, I don’t understand entirely what’s making that situation a concern. There’s a channel in the discord for critique where no one is allowed to comment back. People can voice things they’re worried about without any way for others to push back on it. And the two teams working on the OL games are different. We try to post pretty often about how we’re hiring brand new people to start on Our Life: Now & Forever. The OL1 team is all still working on OL1 like normal. There’s only more updates on the Patreon for OL2 because the expansions to the first game are mostly script-based at this point while OL2 is just starting to get all its art, which means there’s a lot more to show off as previews.

Also, there was a Kickstarter for the first Our Life, if that’s what you mean by people paying for it. But one of the stretch goals was to start Our Life 2 early, before fully completing Our Life 1, so that the new game could be out sooner. It wouldn’t make sense to stop doing OL2 work because that would be going against what backers were promised. Maybe you didn’t get the full story before and hopefully this clears it up!

Hello! I know it's up to every player but.. What is your recommendation for playing order? Did you ever had any timeline  events planned? 

I didn’t make the events with a planned timeline. The events got made simply as I had ideas for them and then I just kind of organized them from left to right on the screen in an order to space out more dramatic ones between more lighthearted ones. Any order the player wants to go with is totally valid!

Hi! It's Step 4 a paid dlc or update? And how long it's planned to be? Ps. Love the game! 

The Step 4 epilogue is free! The Cove Wedding DLC does cost money, though. Those are planned to be shorter than the usual Steps/DLCs.

Will we have options for what sort of job the MC might have by the time step 4 takes place? 

Yeah, you can. It’s not super exact or detailed, but there are options about it.

Is there a pandemic in Our Life world, or is it just in a better timeline with no pestilence? 

Our Life is pandemic-free! That didn’t exist when we began working on the project and it’s not something we’d like to feature in this story now that it has unfortunately come along, aha.

Hi, you said that you can play tic-tac-toe or hangman with Cove in Boating if you're sick/scared but I keep getting tic-tac-toe. Am I doing something wrong?

After being sick/scared you have to continue to be upset/unwell. If you calm down and decide to just chill you’ll end up playing tic-tac-toe.

Hi, GB Patch! Since Lee was initially commissioned to only appear in two Steps does this mean she won't appear in the Wedding DLC? I really like her character so it'll be a little weird to not have our cousin at our wedding, aha.

She is gonna be in Step 4/the wedding DLC after all! We’re still working with her creator to make sure it fits with what they wanted.

Is Sunset Bird based on a real place? Asking for a friend, not trying to move there or anything. 👀

It’s based on small beach towns in So-Cal, but not one specific town you could go see in real life, I’m afraid. It’d be nice if it was real, though.

—– —– —– —–

We released a new FAQ! It answers common questions and we’ll keep adding more to it. Please check there before sending an ask. FAQ   Also, if you prefer to just see the main posts without all the asks/reblogs, feel free to follow our side account instead: GB Patch Updates Blog

[superhero--imagines]

Part 1 here! / Part 2 Here! / Part 3 Here! / Part 4 Here!

A/N: I can’t always do tags since these parts are long but if you want to be tagged just lmk @thecrazytealady

* Honestly, everything feels so normal

* You’re sitting in the stands of a football stadium as a sea of graduates pass in front of you

* Well it’s mostly normal except for all the stares you get

* “You’ll get used to it” Kate tells you from your right side, you’re not sure when it happened but somehow you’ve become her favorite little member.

* “Sometimes we stare back to mess with them” Irina says from your other side with a teasing grin.

* Irina also seems to really like you, she’s probably you’re favourite

* While everyone else treated you like a child (which in a sense you are), she treated you like an adult

* You hope you can save her if things go exactly like they did in the book

* You’re hoping your close friendship with Edward changes things

* “Oh look there they are now-“

* And right on cue Alice was called first, then Edward

* An entire group of cheers erupt from your section, a few stands above you sits the entire Cullen clan

* Apparently the rest of them have already “graduated”, Alice and Edward are playing a year younger

* You catch him after the ceremony on the -pretty cold- field along with your-

* aunts?

* You’re not really sure what the official family structure is.

* “So what is this, your thirtieth time graduating high school?” You whisper to him after handing him his graduation present

* Some sheet music you know he’s been eyeing and a card that says “you only graduate once”

* You think he’ll appreciate the joke

* “It actually only my sixth” he grins, he so close you can feel a ghost of a breath on your ear

* You notice a couple of boys, adorning similar green graduation gowns staring at you. When you meet their eyes they hastily look away.

* “Hey Edward, what are those guys thinking right now?”

* He follows your line of sight and grins even wider

* “They’re thinking that it suddenly makes sense why I’m not interested in anyone at this school when I’m already dating someone as beautiful as you”

* And if you were anyone else you might have realized how you and Edward look when you’re together to everyone around you

* And it might have been the first sign that things have started to veer of the future you imagine

* But of course you don’t, and you say:

* “Really? You want me to believe two teenage boys used such eloquent language?”

* He laughs

* “I might have picked some.. kinder diction.”

* You both laugh, another private joke that would be referenced for years

* “And where’s my graduation gift?” Alice asks, you hand over a brightly wrapped package, it’s a magic 8 ball and a Chanel scarf, Edward already read Alice’s mind and assured you she would love it.

* “That’s hilarious” she says with a laugh, she hasn’t even opened the package, already seen what’s inside with her gift.

* “Are you coming to our graduation party tonight?” When she notices your confused expression she gives a pointed look to Edward. “You didn’t invite them?”

* Edward rolls his eyes

* “I didn’t think it would be that fun,” he looks to you and explains. “It’s just a party Alice likes to throw to help us fit in better.”

* “It also to commemorate graduating and going to college, which is Infinitely more fun.” She grins, a hand on Edwards shoulder

* He turns his attention to you, his mouth quirked in a lopsided smile

* “Do you want to go?”

* The party scene in Eclipse sure looked fun

* “Sure, sounds like a fun time.”

* It’s decided you’ll drive up with Edward after they all split up, and go to the party with him.

* You’re telling Kate and Irina when they get a look on their face

* “Is that not okay?” You wonder if it’s about Tanya, and how maybe she doesn’t like you spending so much time with Edward.

* “No it’s fine it’s just... will you be alright with all those humans?”

* You had done fine on the stands, but a house party was different, you guess it’s probably easier to eat someone when there are so many dark corners and so many suspects to pick from

* You wrinkle your nose, honestly you don’t get what the big deal is, sure they smell kiiinda nice, but the scent is comparable to one of your deers.

* Also, who knows where these people have been and what they’ve been eating. The thought of eating an alcoholics blood makes you scowl.

* “I think I’ll be fine” Irina laughs, and rests a hand on your shoulder

* “We’ll tell the others, do you want me to bring you a drink later on?”

* You shake your head, you ate a little bit more since you were going to be around so many people today.

* “I should be fine, Edward will probably drive me home, but if not I can always run”

* You always forget you can run faster than a car now.

* “I doubt Edward will refuse the opportunity to spend more time with you.” Irina smirks and you roll your eyes

* You’re both just friends, stuck in family’s where everyone seems to be in a relationship (except for you that is)

* There’s only so much you can take watching Eleazer and Carmen’s pda

* “I’ll see ya later” you excuse yourself to find Edward, who seems to be talking to a group of boys

* “So what’s their deal, are they your cousin or something?”

* “Um... they’re a family friend”

* Looks like Edwards confused about your family structure too

* “They look older are they in college?” Another asks, Edward hesitates, well you are older but you’re not really in school

* “Are you hooking up with them?” Edward winces

* “No we’re not close like that.”

* You decide now is a good time to intervene in the conversation

* “Hey, are you ready to go?” Edward looks relieved to see you

* “I’ll see you guys tonight at Alice’s party” he offers a polite smile before leading you towards his car

* When you’re finally out of earshot, you say

* “You know, I always thought we were the closest of friends” You think he’ll grimace at your teasing but instead he grins.

* “Do you enjoy being the subject of several teenage boys imaginations?”

* “I mean, it’s not-not a little bit flattering.”

* On the drive back to his house Edward takes you through town and points out every mundane landmark like you’re on a safari tour

* “And that is the grocery store I never visit, and next to it is the diner I had to pretend to eat food at during my mandatory “senior breakfast””

* “So what you’re saying is, this is the worlds’ most boring town.”

* “I would say boring adjacent, the town we’ll move to next doesn’t even have a major grocery store”

* He’s definitely talking about Forks.

* You must have killed quite a bit of time with your impromptu tour because when you get to the party it’s in full swing

* You and Edward stand in a corner and play your favorite game

* “Blonde girl in the corner.” He says

* Edward picks someone, and you have to guess what they’re thinking. You’re never right but it’s still funny

* “Hmmmm I’m going to say she’s thinking... ‘This is what all the hype was about? Can’t believe I’m wasting my Saturday night HERE.’”

* He laughs and shakes his head

* “She’s actually thinking about how the object of her affections hasn’t noticed her once, and has been spending all his time with someone else instead.”

* You totally miss the meaningful look Edward gives you.

* You make a face, unrequited love was the worst

* “Well that sucks, I wish there was some way we could help.” Edward only shrugs

* “They’re human problems, for us even if the person we love doesn’t love us back, we just wait a a decade or so, and they usually change their mind.” He grabs your untouched red solo cup

* “I’ll go get us some more drinks.” For a second you wonder if maybe Vampires can drink alcohol, but then you immediately deflate.

* Oh right, the human act, you almost forgot.

* You’re standing by yourself when the “unrequited love” girl from before approaches you, another girl with hair the color of caramel in tow

* “Hey, I haven’t seen you around before, do you got to our school?”

* Any person could see this was a hostile encounter

* anyone except you that is

* “Nah, I’m taking a gap year right now.”

* “Oh?” Miss. Unrequited lights up at that. “Didn’t get into your first choice school?”

* “No my parents died.” You say it causally, but they both freeze at that. So much has happened, colleges and your parents are the last thing in your mind. You notice the reaction though “It’s been a while though, so everything’s fine now”

* You give your best smile and the girl in front of you seemed flustered

* “How do you know Edward?” Miss. Caramel asks, while her friend takes a long sip from her cup.

* “Well- I guess he’s a family friend, but really I met him through Carlisle.”

* “Through Carlisle?

* “Dr. Cullen,” you quickly supply, to them he’s just the local handsome doctor. Not exactly someone who they’re on a first name basis with. “Yeah, Carlisle talked about Edward a lot when I was in the hospital.”

* Before you can scar either of these girls further, Rosalie appears by your side

* “Hey! Glad to see you made it!” She gives you a side hug and turns her amber eyes to the girls in front of you. “Amber, Bethany glad to see you. What are you guys talking about?”

* Both of the girls fall speechless in front of her, probably from her beauty you guess.

* You still get the urge to shield your eyes when you look at Rosalie.

* “Edward.” Rosalie rolls her eyes

* “Of course, the most perfect man alive.” You snort at that.

* “Perfect my ass, I saw him snort drinking yesterday and he sprayed the whole counter top.” Rosalie raises a well groomed eyebrow

* “Really?” A smiles tugging on her lips

* “That’s not even the worst part, do you know he took 43 minutes to clean it up.”

* Rosalie laughs, and the other two look at you with awe.

* “Edward Cullen snorts?” The caramel Coloured hair one, Bethany asks.

* “To be fair I did say a pretty good joke”

* “What was the joke?” Amber asks, and you grin.

* “What did the vampire say to the girl?” They look at each other and shrug

* “What”

* “See you next month” The two girls don’t seem to think it’s good, but Rosalie is dying of laughter

* “He must have hated that!”

* “Oh I’m sure he did, that’s why I said it” Rosalie laughs even harder

* By the time Edward comes back, it’s basically just a two way conversation with you and Rosalie roasting the ever loving crap out of Edward, with two humans eagerly watching

* “One time while we were eating Edward just kept complaining about how “existence is agony and how none of us have a soul” like dude, we’re eating, could you just chill for a second please?” Rosalie says and you laugh

* “I have the perfect Edward impression” you clear your throat and set your face to the best “I’m constipated and existence is agony” face you can manage “I’m an outsider. No one can understand me. No one has thoughts like I do. Existence is agony”

* if Rosalie could die she would have died of laughter, she’s hunched over and every time you think she’ll stop laughing she starts another wave.

* “To be fair, I don’t think anyone has thoughts like mine” You turn to see Edward behind you, he’s actually got an amused smile as he hands you a red solo cup.

* “It’s Henrietta,” he whispers in your ear. “ I figured all the laughing might have made you thirsty”

* “For an outsider like yourself, that’s awfully kind of you.”

* The laughing did make you thirsty, it also explains what took him so long. You wonder if he ran all the way to your house to get you a drink.

* Rosalie doesn’t say anything just grins as she watches you two, Edward’s eyes flick from you to her, and you wonder what he’s experiencing right now

* You’re not going to lie, his narrative of mind reading was your favourite part of midnight sun

* “Do you want to dance?” Well that question came out of nowhere.

* “Sure”

* Queue you and Edward awkwardly waltzing on the makeshift dance floor

* “Who taught you how to waltz?” Edward asks as you step on his feet yet again, you’re glad he’s a vampire and can’t feel pain.

* “You. Right now. I’m learning from the school of life experience.” You grin and he rolls his eyes

* “Here,” he picks you up, and places your feet on top of his. “Better?” You nod and laugh

* “They’re kind of cute right?” Rosalie says to Amber and Bethany, a twinkle in her eyes. Amber sighs.

* “Yeah they are.”

* Rosalie feels kind of bad. She didn’t mean to rub it in her face, but she doesn’t like anyone being mean to you. She already kinda liked you from The game night , and after tonight she REALLY likes you. It’s nice to have someone else on the “roast Edward squad”

* “Oh look, it’s Bradley from the swim team, should we go over and say hi?” Bradly was definitely single, and Rosalie loves playing matchmaker “Sure”

* Edward drives you home at the chaste time of 11:30

* “Did you have a good time tonight?” He asks, walking you to the front door. Ever the gentleman.

* It’s not like a thing alive could hurt you anymore.

* “Yeah it was really fun!” He let’s out a sigh of relief and a nervous smile.

* “That’s good, you’ve been seeming kind of... off lately so I was worried”

* Ah, so he had noticed. You had been feeling off lately. Only four more years with him at most until he moved somewhere far away.

* “Yeah, I’m just a little jealous I guess.”

* “Jealous of what?” His eyebrows thread together. And you sigh.

* “You get to go to college and I can’t.”

* You really are jealous about that, While you’re stuck in the house, Edward will get to move forward and make all sorts of relationships and memories

* His mouth purses, and you feel bad. You shouldn’t have said anything, there’s nothing he can do about it after all.

* “Ah, don’t worry about it, I’m just glad to be here with people who care about me.” That only makes him frown more. But he offers you a small smile.

* “I’ll see you tomorrow.” He says and then he does something really unexpected:

* He kisses your forehead, before retreating back to his car. You watch his car wind away down the circle driveway from the porch. A hand on your forehead where his lips touched and a flutter in your heart.

* Man, Edward was so unintentionally smooth, no wonder Tanya was still hung up over him

* Wait, was Tanya still hung up over him?

* Somehow you found her behavior not consistent with someone with unreciprocated feelings

* The days pass on by, Edward’s around more now because it’s summer break.

* Likewise trips to the Cullen residence are also more frequent because it’s summer break

* You oddly enough spend a lot of time with Rosalie, you mostly roast Edward but occasionally you reminisce about human stuff

* “What do you miss the most?” She asks and you think for a minute

* “Probably Italian food, maybe alcohol” She let’s out a moan

* “Oh my god, how good does mushroom ravioli in a creamy Marsala sauce sound?”

* “Good enough to kill for”

* By extension you also get close to Emmett, but in a totally different way

* “Alright hit me with everything you’ve got!”

* “Uh are you sure about this Emmett?”

* You’re both in a clearing about thirty feet apart

* “Yeah, just show me what you’re made of” He giving you a wicked grin, no doubt glad to have someone new to spar with.

* You shrug, he is asking for it

* He doesn’t even make it a foot forward before he crumples to the ground. You’ve been holding back so long, it almost feels good to not have to contain all your body’s grief

* You reel it back in when he taps out. You expect him to look at you like you’re a monster but he just grins

* “You’re really something else kid”

* You even get close to Esme who assists you in drawing up a schematic for a barn, and Jasper helps you build it.

* “I think the door should go here” he tells you

* “But then it would be facing the fence and that doesn’t seem right”

* He scratches his head and you stare at the architect sketch in your hands

* “It’s supposed to be right here” Alice tells you, already searching through the future for the correct placement.

* And of course you and Edward continue your piano cat and mouse game, where you each start a piece and wait for the other to catch up to your playing.

* Maybe it’s because things are going so well that you can’t help but wonder what went wrong with Tanya and Edward

* So one night, when you’re sitting together in the library, you ask her

* “Tanya why do you hate Edward” She sputters

* “I don’t hate him!” You raise a skeptical eyebrow and she sighs “it’s just- it’s embarrassing !”

* She tells you about how Carlisle had told her about his son, and how he was the last to be without a mate, and was very depressed

* “I thought of it like I was doing a service you know, we would date for some time and have a brighter perspective on this life.”

* You can already guess how this story ends, but you ask “So what happened?” She huffs

* “Well he flat out rejected me, told me I wasn’t his type, can you believe that? A forever 17 year old telling ME I’m not his type.”

* Yeah for a woman like Tanya who was every man’s ultimate fantasy that does seem pretty mortifying

* “Is it-“ you meet her eyes “is it okay that I’m friends with him then?”

* Her eyes soften and she beckons you into a hug

* “Of course it is little one,” she kisses the top of your head “and if it ever happens to grow into more than that that’s okay too.” You wrinkle your nose

* “I wouldn’t bet on that Tanya.” She rubs your shoulder

* “Well you never know, and if that happens, and for some reason he’s lost his mind at tells you you’re not his type don’t take it personally, there’s something seriously wrong with that boy.” You laugh

* The days pass by in a blur.

* Edward starts college studying veterinary science, and every day he comes back and teaches you what he learned

* “Sometimes I feel like I’m getting more out of this than you” he tells you as you do his homework

* “It be like that sometimes”

* You start experimenting with other animals blood, mostly chickens, ducks, and geese.

* You also have a moose now so that’s cool

* After many faithful years Henrietta passes away. You stayed in the barn with her all night, and planted a pine tree over grave.

* “All things die in the end huh?” You whisper as you stand over the first deer you befriended, and Eleazer rubs your shoulder

* “Not us” he whispers

* “Not us” you repeat

* You and Edward are lying next to each other in your bed, both of you pretending to sleep

* “What was it like when you turned?” Edward’s the one break the silence. He always is when you do your dreaming sessions

* “It was... nice” it really was, the venom was warm like a blanket, lulling you into a peaceful last sleep. This surprises him.

* “Are you some kind of masochist?”

* “Well what was it like for you?” You roll your eyes. He goes on a long descriptive tangent, but in short: it was absolute agony.

* “Well that’s weird, I wonder if Alec had some kind of special venom or something.” He flinched at the mention of Alec but doesn’t say anything else.

* The days pass on, just as they always have, but something starts to feel off. Both in your household and in the Cullen’s house. Some sort of tension

* You think about asking Edward or Eleazer about it, but decide against it.

* Maybe you’re just being paranoid

* One day you’re getting blood from the kitchen, when you notice the entire coven is sitting on the kitchen table

* Weird, but maybe they do this all the time and you just never noticed.

* “(Y/N) can you come here for a moment?”

* Well crap

* They all ramble over each other for a few minutes, and you only catch bits and pieces of what they’re saying

* “Everyone here loves you-“

* “It won’t be forever-“

* “Carlisle might even get you a blood bag or two-“

* “Enough!” Tanya roars and immediately the others fall silent, she looks at you with warm eyes and a kind smile

* “(Y/N), the Cullen’s are leaving,” ah, so it’s already time for them to go, Tanya explains how the Cullen’s move around more often than your coven does, on account of Carlisle’s job. Well you knew this was coming. It was nice while it lasted

* “-And that’s why we think you should go with them”

* Wait what.

* “You want me to leave?”

* “No of course not!” Irina shouts, wide eyed, she’s sitting the closest to you. “It’s just-“

* “We see the way you look at Edward,” Eleazer says. Oh not this again, how many times do you have to say it. YOU BOTH ARE JUST FRIENDS.

* “Like you want what he has.” He finishes

* Oh

* “We’re too late in the cycle to send you to school, Irina and Kate have already gone, and it will be another ten years before we decide to move.” Carmen says, her teeth digging into the flesh of her lip. “A lot of things could happen in ten years,”

* The Volturi could want you back on ten years

* “so we think you should go with the Cullen’s and get an education and have a normal life-“

* “Normal-adjacent,” Kate interjects, because life was never going to be completely normal for you ever again. Carmen grins,

* “Normal-adjacent life, you’ll get to have friends, and you could study whatever you want, you don’t have to learn secondhand from Edward.”

* “And you can come back whenever you want!” Kate reassures. “If you decide you don’t like it, and that it’s not what you want, you can always come back, we’ll be right here.”

* They all stumble over each other to reassure you that it’s your choice, and if you decide to stay that’s fine too. But there’s only one question on your mind

* “Do the Cullen’s already know about this?” The table falls silent.

* “Yes, they do.” Tanya says

* “And what do they think about the arrangement?” All eyes trail to Eleazer, so he was the go between for your Covens

* “I think they’re all pretty excited, Carlisle wanted you from the start.”

* Carmen sucks her teeth and lightly slaps him on the arm. “What it’s true, you know Esme’s been cross with him ever since she met them, she wants you too.”

* They’re all looking to you waiting for an answer. You’re not sure what the right thing to do is.

* You’re not stupid, you know things have changed from the original story line, you know the Volturi isn’t going to want Bella as much now that they have you.

* But still... you do want an education, a chance to do everything the way you always imagined

* You also kind of want to see Edward and Bella’s love story play out. Especially now that he’s your friend

* Also you think you should really deter him from watching her sleep, that crap was creepy as hell

* You sigh, there’s really only one choice

* “I’ll go with the Cullens’.”