#had to nearly stop myself from crying whilst reading this

[filmbyjy]

LIKE A CAT

PAIRING: yang jungwon x reader (no specified gender)

SUMMARY: visiting the boys was always great especially when you were able to see your sweet boyfriend. however, what you didn’t expect was for yang jungwon to fall asleep on your lap. maybe it was the jet lag that got him.

GENRE: fluff!!!! it’s also decently short so yeah :(

NOTE: this is just a drabble. i was playing with the prompt generator and it gave me ‘jungwon falls asleep in reader's lap and reader has a conversation with someone else while stroking jungwon's hair as if they were a sleeping cat’ and my brain went !!!!! perfect for jungwon and so yeah here is this

with the boys piling into their dorms with their luggages in their hands, you thought it was a great idea to come over and possibly spend quality time with them.

it had been too long since you’ve seen them. especially your dear boyfriend who was busy burying his face at the crook of your neck. the moment he had opened the door with tired and droopy eyes, his face instantly lit up and he threw himself onto you.

“i missed you.” he says.

yang jungwon wasn’t one to really voice out his affection, rather he would show it to you. however, he truly missed you so what better way then to mutter those words out directly.

“ooo look at him being all lovey dovey.” sunoo teases. jungwon groans softly, enough for you to hear.

“okay, enough with the teasing. i’m sure all of you are tired. i brought snacks and maybe we can watch a movie.”

“boring, let’s play games.” ni-ki smirks. the boys playfully shoved ni-ki.

“is that the only thing you care about? we just came back from a world tour and we still have our japanese promotions soon. are you not jet lagged?” jay says. ni-ki pouts.

“but..games.” he gives jay the best puppy eyes he could muster. jay groans.

“fine, just go play. i’m going to wash up first.” he waves ni-ki off before going over to take a shower.

“yay!!!” ni-ki jumps in happiness.

you feel small pecks on your shoulder. right, jungwon had been hugging you this whole time. you let go of the hug and faced him. he pouts before holding out his arms for you.

“i’m sure you’re hungry, babe.” you say. jungwon shakes his head.

“no. i want hug.” you hear the boys snort.

“go on, hug your dear boyfriend.”

“by the way, he keeps mentioning how much he misses you when I bunked in the same room as him.” sunghoon mentions.

“really?” you turned to jungwon. “you missed me a lot, huh?”

“yes, now can i please get a hug or at least a kiss. you haven’t kissed me today, angel.” jungwon huffs.

“oh god. save me from this.” heeseung hurls. you rolled your eyes at the boy. you grabbed jungwon’s hands and pulled him to the living room.

he settles down on the couch before wrapping his arms around your waist and laying on your chest. your hands fall onto his scalp, playing with his hair that was slightly frizzled since he did dye his hair. overall, it was still fluffy in your opinion.

jake decided to settle right next to you and so you fell into a deep convo with him as you played with jungwon’s hair. you could feel jungwon’s weight change and you heard light snores coming from him. to which, you bite down a growing smile because of how adorable jungwon was.

“hey, did jungwon just fell asleep?” jake asks.

“yeah.”

“oh? he just talked about having insomnia and not getting enough sleep while we were in america for tour?” jake mentions.

you looked down at the boy. he was sleeping soundly, only moving slightly to nuzzle his head further onto your chest. you finally let out a smile.

“guess he must’ve been extremely tired.”

“he sleeps like a cat.” jake adds.

“yeah…he does.”

your adorable cat.

[fantasyandshit]

Replaced

Type:two shot

Part: 1/2

Part two here

Masterlist here

Pairing: Azriel x reader

Based off of this request

Hope this is heart breaking enough anon!

Trigger warnings- slight mention of ED behavior, torture, and implied violence

I stare out at the gardens, I used to think they were beautiful, I tended to them everyday, watered and checked all the plants, made sure the soil was perfect and they got the proper mix of shade and sunlight. I walked in them, sat on my bench under the giant cherry blossom tree and read my book. The gardens were always my space my place. I loved those gardens, always marveled at their beauty.

But not now. Now as I stare out at the gardens I’m disgusted by what I see, I hate the new flowers and the soil. I hate looking at it and I refuse to walk in it. I hate that my family simply gave my place to her. That Azriel gave it to her. That he sits out on my bench all cuddled up with her. Deep down I think that’s what disgusts me. Seeing him with her. No. Disgust isn’t the right word. It makes me sick, fills me with agony that spreads through my bones and boils in my blood. Sends jealousy spiking through my body like bolts of electricity.

When the middle Archeron had come into the family with her older sister- it was fine, everything was fine. My family was happy and although I always felt off about the female, I was civil. It was fine as my family turned to them, it was fine. They needed time and attention, like new animals. I let my family give them that. It was fine when I was asked to let her work in the gardens she ‘loved so much’. It was all fine.

It was all fine until they asked me to let her simply take over the gardens, ‘just so she can keep distracted and busy whilst adjusting’. It was fine till I came crying to Rhys about a vision I had, one of the first in nearly a month- I had seen something, I heard people screaming and blood everywhere, but ‘Elain hasn’t seen anything. It’s fine.’ It was fine till Azriel- my best friend for the last 500 years, the male I harbored feelings for. The male I loved for at least 450 years, turned to her. It was fine till she became all consuming. It was fine till ‘Elain needs me Yn.’ ‘Yn I have to go- Elain needs me right now. You know this is hard for her.’ ‘ Yn, stop being selfish- Elain needs me.’

It was fine till she became all consuming. Till no one listened to me, till Azriel- my mate, the man I loved with all my soul, left me for her. Turned a cold shoulder and left me. Till my family soon wrapped around the sisters and I lost them all.

Now I stare out at the gardens I once loved with disgust, nearly puking at the sight of the two cuddled up together, laughing about cauldron knows what. Now, as a headache comes on, the ones that always do before a vision, I simply slouch back in side, going to lay down on a couch. I want these seeings gone. No one cares anyway. If it doesn’t come from Elain Archeron, it means nothing. I mean nothing.

And it is now, as I lay myself across the chair that it truly sets in. He loves her. They love her. She is better. She is more beautiful and interesting and soft and she isn’t tarnished from years of fighting as I am, she is not the crazy woman I have become. She is Elain, she is all things soft and sweet, she is radiant and all consuming, she is powerful and all seeing. But most of all, she is the one Azriel wants. Not me. Her. He wants Elain Archeron.

———

I walk to the dining room for dinner, my head is a bit foggy and my eyes hurt. I keep my gaze down as I sulk into the room and take a seat next to Morrigan who talks idly with Feyre. It’s as if I’m invisible, no one even looks up to me as I walk in or sit, but of course, as soon as Elain comes in, everyone turns to her, conversations stopping. I simply look to my plate, fidgeting with my hands.

As everyone serves up their food, I sit, I’m not hungry. Plus, Elain is thinner, I want to be pretty like her and I have to be skinny to be like her. “Why aren’t you eating Yn?” Mor’s voice filters through my ears and it takes a moment for me to process them.

In a scratchy tone, caused by not using my voice, I reply. “Just not hungry I guess. Visions take it out of me.”

“You had a vision?”

“Yep. Third one of today.” My family pauses at that.

“Third? Today?” It’s Rhysand this time as his brows draw inward.

“Yes, they’ve been happening more and more often, I’m having at least 2-3 a day. I just want to rest.”

“Why haven’t you told me about them?”

“Because of two reasons. Rhysand.” His name is a hiss off my tongue as I speak, finally loosing my cool, “One, you would not care nor listen, haven’t for a single one of my seeings in the past month. And two- starting tomorrow I will no longer be working for this court.”

“What do you mean by that? Not working under this court?”

“I received a letter from Eris- he is ready to execute his plan to take over the autumn throne tonight and I shall be there tomorrow morning to begin my duties as his second in command.” The table is frozen, mixes of horror and sadness painting my ‘families’ faces.

“But-Yn you wouldn’t betray us like that would you?”

I can’t hold back the humorless, dry, laugh that leaves me. “Betrayal? I have Betrayed you?” My head whips to meet Rhysands as I stand and back away from the table. “Rhysand I have done nothing but support you. I was there for you three-“ I point to the three Illyrian males at the table, “in the war camps, I have been here sense we were learning to fly! I was there under the mountain! I lossed my gods dammed wings for you Rhysand. For you! Because you were my family.” Tears begin pouring down my face as I let everything I had bottled up out, “ I was there to support Mor after Eris’ ‘terrible acts’ and I kept my mouth shut about it being a half truth.” I look to the blond across the table who try’s desperately to avoid my gaze.

“I was there on the battle field. I told you my seeings no matter what they were. I stayed as I watched my family replace me, as I watched the man I loved fall for another over and over again. I stayed as my things were taken from me by her.” My finger points to the middle Archeron, Azriel moving slightly in front of her, “I have stayed as my family was ripped from me, I stayed and supported all of you even as my so called family replaced me, as the male I’ve loved as long as I’ve known him, as the male I have loved with my very soul, my very being, my mate.” I look into Azriels warm eyes, “left me for another, as my mate and my family left me in the dust for a new shiny toy.”

I breathe as I take a moment to survey the room, faces filled with shock and horror and sadness watch me. “So yes Rhysand.” It’s a sigh this time as I speak, tired, downright exhausted, “yes, I am leaving. But I am not leaving anything behind. I was already a ghost here anyway. I am leaving and taking my seeings and duties with me. You do not listen to them anyway, it will be no use to you.”

I snap and bags fall into my hands, I turn to the door, silence filling the room, “your my mate?”

“Yes Azriel- I am.”

“Yn wait let me-“

“Save it Rhysand.” I turn on my heel, “ I am leaving to a new kingdom, one that has much potential under their new leader. I am leaving to a court that I see thriving, I am leaving from the court I see crumbling- and it will not be my fault when it does.”

I turn back to the door, a gust of wind hitting me as I step out, taking the hands of the new high lord of autumn. Ignoring my family’s pleas and Azriels yells as I am taken back home.

—————

Okkkkk here it is! I hope you all enjoyed and thank you anon for the request!! Love y’all!

[lunar-years]

Sorry, another anon jumping in here- while I'd love to think that Roy would take Jamie's feelings in an R/K wedding into account, I think canonically hes still a bit inept at reading Jamie sometimes (ie: the bar date/ stay away from Keeley scene) so I can see him asking Jamie to be best man without considering the further implications. Which of course leads to the Richmond boys deciding to be an emotional support bubble for him through the whole thing and its only later in the evening when Roy steps outside for some air and sees Jamie with eyes shining, gritting his jaw determinedly trying not to cry while Sam tries to wordlessly comfort him, that Roy realises hes fucked up a bit there. Isaac coming up to him like "we know you didn't mean it like that, but bit cruel that bruv"

yeah 😭

I think it all very much depends on the timeline this is theoretically happening in, too. The thread I read about the alternative s3 roy-keeley wedding was kind of funny because they were using s3 dynamics with everyone else but those two. So when they said "Jamie would obviously be best man!" I found myself thinking...like...idk man, I don't even think Roy would even want or ask Jamie to be his best man in that scenario, because they would not actually be best friends the same way they are in the actual s3.

This might be very cynical...but in a s3 where the Roy & Keeley we see on the verge of breakup in the s2 finale are suddenly getting MARRIED... i do not think Roy and Jamie would become nearly as close in that timeframe as what we see play out in canon. Because so much of their dynamic in s3 is built upon Roy being in a very bad place post-breakup, then volunteering to train Jamie (imo, at least in part as a distraction/way to bury himself in work to stop thinking about how miserable he is in the personal aspects of his life) and then ending up genuinely loving spending time with Jamie and spending ALL of his time with Jamie, slowly pulling him further out from his slump because Jamie's given him something and (someone) to care about again.

Whereas, if Roy is busy and stressed out over wedding planning all the time, whilst also consumed by the same unaddressed insecurities that plagued his relationships with both Keeley and Jamie in the s2 finale (which he only would've pushed further down after a successful proposal) I 1) think it's quite possible he wouldn't have even volunteered to do extra training with Jamie in the first place and 2) even if he did, wouldn't have had the same time to spend with or focus on him, resulting in them...not becoming close! certainly not best man close. Also, Keeley has ALWAYS been a point of strife between them. it's why Roy's head butting Jamie in the s2 finale, it's one layer of why the bar date goes so poorly, etc.

Roy "when I look at her I only think about Jamie fucking Tartt" Kent who has not gone through the breakup nor any of the growth said breakup facilitated is a man deeply insecure in his own relationship (and in this case, engagement) who sees Jamie on some level as still a threat to his peace. I do not think he'd want Jamie to be involved in the wedding at all, tbh, even if their relationship was getting slowly better and they were at the place of tentative friendship we see in the s2 finale.

Now, of course all that changes if we're talking about a scenario where roy-keeley have gotten back together post-series and are then getting married somewhere down the line. That's the version of events where I think 1) Jamie would do anything Roy asked him to, up to and including being his best man, even if it hurt him in the process and 2) Roy would be perceptive enough and care enough about Jamie not to ask. You're totally right that Roy struggles to read Jamie sometimes, but I also think there were sooo many factors at play in the bar date and so many of them would be eliminated in a scenario where Roy and Keeley are getting married post-series. Like, so much of Roy's obliviousness there stemmed (imo) from jealousy and insecurity and his own desire to win Keeley back regardless of Jamie's feelings, so part of it was him being inept on purpose as a form of avoidance, lol.

Whereas, if he's proposed to Keeley and said yes and they're both in a significantly more secure place in their relationship, Jamie isn't really any "threat", so I would like to think Roy would at least pick up on his discomfort surrounding the wedding before hitting him with "will you be my best man" (or like, Keeley would say something when Roy brought up the idea, because it really is deeply ludicrous).

[explosivefins]

hey guys are these symptoms of mine enough to warrant wanting an autism diagnosis or am I dramatic

only ever eating plain foods

once nearly cried over the smell of a place

I’ve gone nonverbal at my first concert, crying with my ears covered

specific sounds and textures make me have physical reactions and maybe tears

I had to make myself a list of things to do to actually make sure I don’t strive away from those things

sticking to very specific outfits and clothing items

I can’t be interested in something and have it be a small interest, it’s always at full blast and it becomes my life, my room is decorated to the top with things from my interests, old or new

I stim, a lot. Pacing, flapping my hands, whistling, humming, singing, kicking my legs, rocking, finger fiddling, tapping, popping sounds with my mouth, etc

cried and nearly threw up over the texture of something despite enjoying the taste of the food itself

struggling with socializing and was often the weird kid with very specific friends when I went to public school

when I was younger if I got mad I wouldn’t speak at all until I calmed down

loud noises make me cry like. Most of the time depending on how long it is

bright/flashing lights cause me to get frustrated and cry

I hit myself on the head and/or hit myself against the wall when I get frustrated or mad

I don’t talk a lot unless it’s about my interests and then I could talk for hours

I can’t think of interesting responses unless I’m the one talking and not the other way around, despite how interested I may be

constantly missing jokes or sarcasm and/or being the butt of the joke because of it or because of how I act

biting on my lip constantly for no reason

literally getting annoyed at the mere presence of someone in my room or someone talking to me

not being able to listen without zoning out if it isn’t about things I’m interested in

trouble identifying emotions until they’re on full blast

kinda just refusing/not being able to do any of my schoolwork because it isn’t something I enjoy/am interested in and I physically can’t get myself to read it

I don’t make eye contact unless it’s very much forced

overly aggressive sometimes without meaning to do so

literally just not leaving my room just so I don’t have to talk to people because it stresses me out half the time

anytime I see fanart of characters I like I have to hop up and run around my room all whilst flapping my hands

can’t go anywhere without my headphones or else I get very panicky and overstimulated. As an example I went into a restaurant with my grandparents and forgot my headphones, and couldn’t get myself to eat the whole meal or stop tapping against the seat while kicking my legs because I could hear everyone talking at once

I feel awkward/anxious if I’m not holding something while in public or when I’m not moving my arms around a ton

yeah I’m done now I don’t know if there’s anything I forgot but

[astarionancuninslittlelove]

I asked for some prompts and got some responses, so this is one from @mrman24 who suggested a Trans/nb Tav wholesome coming out moment!

I would like to thank him for the inspiration and insight on this! 💖

Read on below:

Perfect, Every Time

These past few weeks running around the wilderness and “killing baddies” as Karlach liked to say, had been good for me—really good for me. For one of the first times in my life, I just felt like me. I hadn’t really thought of people’s perception of me for those few weeks. We were focused on our quests and on survival. Everyone at camp began to build bonds with each other, and it was heartwarming to see. It first began with impressing each other in combat or in strategy, but as the nights passed on campfire after campfire, we learned more about each other, and there was something I had to say, but I couldn’t find the words or the courage to do it. So I kept my mind on the quests and the survival—at least I tried to.

When we made it to Sharess’ Caress, Astarion had the idea that we should all book rooms for no other reason than to finally sleep in beds. Oh gods, how we missed beds. We had been sleeping on bedrolls on the cold ground for what felt like an eternity now. The owner looked at us very oddly when we mentioned that we only wanted the rooms and not the extra…services the rooms came with. But the look of confusion turned to glee when she saw the pouch of gold hit the counter.

Astarion, Wyll, Karlach, and I stayed in one of the rooms whilst Gale, Minsc, Jaheira, and Shadowheart stayed in another room. Halsin preferred to be back at camp in the great outdoors. There was only one bed in each of the rooms, that we would have to fight over or all cram into, but we didn’t care honestly. We were just excited to be indoors.

While I was getting ready for bed, I gazed upon my reflection for the first time in weeks, and my heart had immediately sunk. Who I saw in the mirror was not who I felt like. I saw breasts, long hair, and curves where I did not want them. I looked in the mirror and wept silently.

Astarion crept up behind me and nearly gave me a heart attack.

“Why are you crying, little pup?” He asked gently.

“I just—,” I stopped myself, “It’s hard to explain.”

“I know I’m not the brightest…but I can try to keep up?” He chuckled to himself.

“How I look is not really how I feel,” I began.

He stayed silent.

“I feel masculine, but I look feminine and get addressed as such, and it kills me,” I said.

“How would you like to be addressed?” Astarion asked genuinely. I had never heard him talk so softly and sweetly. Normally with him, there was always a punch line just around the corner, but none came.

I was stunned for a moment. No one had ever asked me that before. It felt simultaneously exhilarating mixed with the potential of swallowing me whole. I didn’t know where to begin.

“I…” I said, formulating my response, trying to articulate my thoughts as I felt a sob tear through my throat, “Want to be addressed as he/him. I am a trans male, and I always have been,” I said, exhaling feeling like I could pass out. The words left my lips and they didn’t feel real. It was something that I had always felt inside, now hung in the air with my words. I felt free as well as absolutely petrified.

“Okay,” He said, smiling, “I can do that.”

“You can?” I asked, biting back the tears.

“Well, but of course. It is no problem,” He said lowly, almost in a whisper as he came over to wrap me in his arms.

He wrapped himself tightly around me as tears after tear leaked from my eyes. It felt like they would never stop. There was only one other person on this planet in that moment that had known what I was keeping inside, and I was glad it was Astarion. His embrace and his acceptance felt more beautiful than I could ever begin to describe. He soothed the fear, rejection, and insecurity out of me in that hug.

It wouldn’t be the last time that I felt those feelings again, but it felt like it by the way he held me tenderly.

I calmed down and looked into his eyes, now fully as who I was, “Thank you.”

“Would you like me to stand with you while you tell the others? Or would you like to take your time with this?” He asked.

Ugh. I didn’t even think about the others. I was going to have to do this potentially every day for the rest of my life—coming out.

But Astarion’s response warmed my heart, and I felt the gusto to keep going. Our companions were all friendly and understanding, but it would feel much better having Astarion by my side. It was still mortifying.

“Yes, I would like that.”

“Before you tell them, do you have another name you’d like to be called?” Astarion asked.

“I like Tav still,” I said, “Thank you for asking.”

I began to walk out of the bathroom, as he grabbed my arm.

“Wait,” He said, getting serious again.

“What?”

“I want you to know that this doesn’t….scare me off,” He said.

“I know, and I am glad for that,” I said.

“No, I mean yes, that way, but I mean… physically. This doesn’t change the way that I look at you. You are still…perfect every time. And you will continue to be for me…if you would still like to be with me,” He stumbled over his words.

“Oh,” I said, smiling happily.

“Well?!” He asked, his voice getting panicky.

“Yes, of course I would still like to be with you. If anything, I feel our bond deepening even more now,” I said, kissing him.

“That’s my good little pet,” He said cheekily.

I rolled my eyes, and my cheeks flushed.

As I told our other companions that were staying in the room with us, their responses were similarly as heartwarming and supportive.

“Soldier! I cannot tell you how proud I am of you!” Karlach exclaimed, pulling me into a hug. She had been big on hugging ever since Dammon helped her, but it was nice either way.

Wyll said, “I am relieved that you trust us enough to tell us something like that. We have your back regardless, always.”

I felt like I was levitating above my body or living in a dream as this all was happening. It didn’t feel real…to finally feel so free. The people I cared most about in the world accepted me. I knew that wasn’t going to be the case with every person, but it didn’t matter to me right about then. All that mattered was them. They welcomed me and loved me no matter who I was, and there’s peace in that.

After the night died down, and we were getting ready to sleep, Astarion said, “I have something to ask you.”

“What?” I asked.

“Can I PLEASE help you pick out a new wardrobe? Or wait, maybe I can put something together for you. You do know that I have the best taste out of everyone here, after all.”

I smiled brightly, “Sure, I’d like that.”

[serotonincemetery]

Jacob Frye x Reader

NOTE: Heavy angst and self harm and depression, also this is from the old account

Jacob Frye. The man you loved so much with all your heart and soul to death. You practically worshipped him, you'd be whatever he needed. A shoulder to cry on, someone to pick him up when he's drunk and alone, a friend, a defender.... a sister.... that was all he ever saw you as. It absolutely broke your heart when he said. "(Y/N) I love you so much, you're always there for me, your like a better version of Evie, a sister!" He had said to you.

It broke your heart even more when a week later he came back to the train with some woman you had never met! You were sitting in his car reading, whilst waiting for him, and you see him come in-shitfaced- and with a woman at his side. Dear lord it hurt. But you held a disgusted facial expression.

He looked at you and then ordered you out. You nearly cried, you held your composure as much as you could and closed your book and walked out and shut the car door behind you and walked to your car and opened the door and walked in and closed it behind you. The moment the doors closed, you fell to your knees and sobbed. The man you loved so much, just kicked you out and locked the door on you.

After that, you hadn't eaten properly, you busied yourself with missions. You didn't sleep properly either, you trained, you hated yourself, you would think up all the different reasons why no one would want you. You started cutting. You felt worthless. You talked less. You didn't smile anymore. You hid your face with a bandana and your hood. And Jacob was so dense he didn't realize what he had done to you.

Then it all led up to Evie finally noticing the bandages that wrapped your wrists under your bracers. And the bags under your eyes, your slimmer figure. Your less laughing and talking. She gently lectured you on how you need to start taking care of yourself and how you need to stop hurting yourself.

You only sat there in silence, listening to Evie. And the only thing you had to say was "Sorry". She immediately noticed your tone and stopped pacing and went over and hugged you. She soon started to tell you to talk to her if you're feeling upset. And to not lie if you're okay or not. She hadn't figured it out that it was Jacob who made you this way.

You went back to your car after she finished lecturing you. Once you had closed the door, you walked over to your bed and sat down. You flicked your hidden blade open and started cutting your wrists even more, every spot that didn't have a scar or cut, you cut there.

Your wrists and forearms were bloody, you nearly passed out, but you held your ground, you got up and went to the pale of water you always have sitting the corner of your train car and you start to wash off your wrists. It stung but you liked the feeling.

Soon enough you searched around for your strips of cloth. You did find them eventually and wrapped your wrists. After that you finished cleaning up and went out of your train car and went to the missions board. You found some small missions for Clara and went off after ripping the corner of the page to signify that the mission is in progress.

You left the train when it stopped off at Southwark. You quickly got off and made your way to the cotton mill and was about halfway there when you heard your name being called. "(Y/N)!" You heard the unmistakable voice of Jacob Frye behind you. You stopped and turned as he smiled and walked up to you. "Are you on the way to the mill? I was about to head there myself when I saw that the corner of the parchment was torn! And judging by which corner it was torn on I kinda knew it was you." He chuckled.

You faked a smile. "Yeah, I have been doing missions to keep my mind busy." You lied. You only had done missions by yourself to hopefully avoid Jacob. He believed your lie and smiled.

"Would you like to do this liberation together?" He asked. You shrugged and turned and kept walking. "Okay then, I will join you" He said with his alluring smile. You sighed. "Also I wanted to ask your opinion so I was also looking for you." He chuckled. There it is. I was waiting for his reasoning behind following me.

"Go ahead" You mumbled as you two kept walking. You didn't want him around, truth be told. He only reminded you that you were just his sister(metaphorically speaking) and that he couldn't see you any other way. It now hurt every time you were in the same room as him.

"What do you think of the woman I'm courting? I got Evie and Henry's opinion, and the rooks already approve of her. I haven't gotten your opinion." He said with a grin. You sighed and stopped and turned and looked at him

"You want my honest opinion?" You mumbled. "My honest opinion is that I think you should break up with her." You said monotonously whilst looking him in the eye. He looked shocked then angry.

"Why? Why would you think that? Don't you want to see me happy? I love this woman and you are willing to say something like that!" He started yelling. You flinched. Never had he yelled at you unless he was calling for you when he was shitfaced but that type of yelling was understandable. He was full on angrily yelling at you. "Is this how you've felt since I brought her back to the train?!" He shouted. You flinched again.

"You asked for my opinion, don't get pissy just because you don't like it." You shot back. "I'm going to tell you now that she will leave you because she will find someone better who will satisfy her!" You yelled back as you shoved your index finger into his chest accusingly. He looked pissed.

"You're stepping over your limits (Y/N)." He warned. He listened to you rant about how she will leave him and he will be heartbroken and will come crawling back to you. "(Y/N)! ENOUGH!" He shouted overtop of you and gripped your forearms. You winced in pain. He didn't notice. "Go home." He whispered. You opened your mouth to retort but he spoke up quickly. "GO. HOME!" He shouted. "Pack your things, you're moving cars" He mumbled. "I'm hurt that you would say such things" He said low enough that he thought you couldn't hear.

You froze. What? He was forcing you to move cars? He was hurt by you? It was understandable why. You're guessing he's had enough of you and trying to get rid of you. You started to tear up, "Don't worry, your girlfriend can have my car to herself, because I'm not moving cars, I'm leaving completely." You whispered as you pulled your wrists out of his grip and back away. "Make sure to wish her my best with you. And to give her the money from the mission, because your going to finish it." You chuckled sadly with tears falling down your cheeks. "Just know, Jacob, I know you will get your heart broken and you'll come looking for me." You said as you turned and walked back to the train.

You looked back one last time before disappearing into the crowd that he was just standing there, shocked, at everything you had to say. You smiled knowing he would be happy with her for a while. But then you also knew she will break his heart. You walked to Lambeth since thats the route the train was headed on. You started to run knowing you would only have a small window to get on.

You had made it by a minute or two and quickly started to pack your things. You changed out of your Assassin's robes, and changed into some slacks and a baggy cotton shirt, and packed your robes in a trunk along with all your belongings. Once you were done you left a coin on the dresser. It wasn't just any coin though. There was only one other copy of the coin. That copy belonged to Jacob. So he would know that you had left.

You smiled at the place you once called home. You slipped out your last throwing knife and wrote a small note and held it to the wall and stabbed the knife through the note and into the wall. You smiled sadly as the train came to a halt, It had stopped in Westminster.

You walked over to the train car door and opened it and closed it behind you. You hopped down and walked away from the train and into the streets of London to start a new life away from the Assassins.

•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•

Jacob went back to the train after he finished his(your) mission and collected the money from it. He walked into your car and froze the moment he opened the door. All of your things were gone. And on the dresser, was a coin, that was identical to his. He now knew you were gone for good. You never parted with that coin, he never parted with his either.

He looked around and found the knife in the wall with the note. He removed the knife and read the note.

"To whoever finds this, give it to one of the Frye twins.

As much as I hate to say goodbye, I must. I wish you both good luck. Jacob, good luck with your lover. Evie, good luck to you and Henry, I hope you both find the Shroud of Eden, but sadly you must do it without me. Jacob, please tread carefully with this woman, I know she brings a storm with her. Please do not send out rooks to come find me, you won't find me. I have gone into hiding and have left London. Please try to forget about me and move on, do not dwell on me.

And for the record, Jacob, your not the only one who's hurting.

Bid you good luck and good fortune,

(Y/N), (L/N)"

Jacob couldn't believe it. He made you leave. You were his rock and he didn't even know it. He had just lost a part of himself. He looked to the ceiling of your car. He saw the parchments of small sketches of you and him, there were a few of Evie, a few of Henry. But most of them of were you and him. His eyes filled with tears, he just lost a best friend. And it was his fault.

•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•

You hadn't left London, you did lie on your note. But you were in hiding. Due to your... unusual persuasion skills, you had yourself a small one bedroom flat, and had made a makeshift home, you moved every two weeks to somewhere new. You no longer had (H/L) hair, you now have short scruffy boyish hair. (Ignore that sentence if your hair was already really short) You now wrapped your chest and dressed as a man, your voice got deeper, you did odd jobs, you made enough money to keep moving. But the few things that didn't change was the depression. It had only been about a month. You were still cutting and still depressed. You only ate before going to work to give you a bit of energy, since you don't get any from sleeping.

You knew the train was docked at Whitechapel for about 8 hours. You had watched the train's route, nonstop. You sometimes observed Evie and Henry. But mostly Jacob.. He was still with the woman and from the talk between Evie and Henry, they haven't had an argument yet, they never fight, never yell, never accused each other of adultery. You had wished it was you in her spot, having the love of Jacob. Being at his side almost all the time.

But, you knew it would never happen, your depression got worse every time they embrace, hold hands, and.... when they kiss. That really is a hard hit on your poor heart. You were utterly heartbroken, you had been for years ever since he first said you were a sister to him.

But your depression never got better. You still pushed your body's limits, your mind's limits.. your heart's limits. You had passed out on numerous occasions whilst at work, and you have had more mental breakdowns than you could count on if you had 5 hands.

Then there was that pang of smugness. You had felt bad for Jacob. You knew she would leave him. They were out on a nightly stroll and from the way Jacob was smiling you knew what he had planned. You could pretty much read his mind or tell what he's going to do by his actions. They had stopped in front of Big Ben and she spoke up first. "Jakey, I think we should talk" She had said with a sweet smile.

"Me too." He had said. You knew it was gonna happen, you were a few feet away pretending to tend to a horse. "Let's say what's on our mind at the same time" He said with a smile.

"I think we should marry." She said quickly

"Will you marry me?" He had said at the same time.... She smiled.

"YES!" She said quickly as she wrapped her arms around Jacob's neck and kissed him. In return he wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her closer.

You had been wrong. She didn't leave him.

They're getting married..

You couldn't handle this anymore. You quickly pocketed the horse's brush and pulled yourself up. You had rode off as fast as you could. You made it to the Thames River. You tried to find the highest bridge. You stopped your horse and quickly got off and tied it to a wooden post. Your horse had tried to snap the rope, knowing what you were going to do. He tried to stop you.

You had lost all hope. You went to the edge as tears fell down your cheeks. You sat along the stone rails and let your legs dangle. You couldn't stop crying. You inched closer. The only thing that had stopped you was hearing Jacob's voice.

"I need to find (Y/N), I need to tell her that I proved her wrong!" He said jokingly. "But seriously I do need to find (Y/N), I haven't talked to her in so long, I've had my rooks search but they couldn't find her." He sighed.

"Maybe she's in hiding? Maybe she didn't even leave London?" His fiancée spoke.

"She was my best friend and a second sister!" He sighed.

"I'm going to be honest Jacob, I'm sorry for hiding this, but I was being followed for the passed week." She said, full of shame.

"Did they have (H/L) (H/C) hair? (E/C) eyes? (S/T) skin?" He questioned.

"They matched your description, but their hair was short" She said.

"(Y/N) must've cut her hair" Jacob mumbled.

"Jacob look." She mumbled. You assumed she was pointing at you. "Is that the (Y/N) girl you were talking about?" She quietly asked.

You soon spoke up. "I have the best hearing out of Jacob, Evie and Henry, you know?" You chuckle.

"(Y-(Y/N)?!" Jacob said, his voice shaky.

"(Y/N), dear, come away from the edge!" His fiancée said hastily.

You looked up to the stars. "Jacob, I wish you and your fiancée well." You chuckled as more tears rolled down. You looked over towards them. "And Jacob, you really are dense." You chuckle sadly. "You did prove me wrong, she didn't leave you like I thought she would, you both have something special.... don't let someone like me ruin that" You smile. Not insanely but not happy either. "Good luck, both of you!" You laughed sadly. "I really hope you two are happy together."

"(Y/N)! Please come away from the edge!" His fiancée urged softly. "We can figure this out together, okay?" She begged as she inched closer.

"Don't do it, please." He begged.

"I love Jacob more than anything in this life." You smile. "I would choose his happiness over mine." You pause. "Every time." You finished.

"Just please come to me." Jacob begged.

"Just keep some food for thought. Behind those smiling faces, you can never know what someone is going through." You said. "Even though love is just a word you bring it definition, I love you Jacob." You say as you lean forwards and let yourself fall. You could hear both of them screaming before everything became dark and cold.

[justxright]

Demon Slayer

❀ NSFW Alphabet - Douma ❀

No because the way I folded for this guy so quick the minute I turned the page to read the upper moon meeting, was embarrassing.

Warnings : Everything. Definitely not safe for work. (I wrote this when my friend came up behind me and I nearly pissed myself.)

A - Affection

• Douma is persistent and will always show you affection when demanded, even when you don’t.

• He constantly holds you around his worshippers and gives you small bite marks here and there on your body.

• Biting is definitely a sign of affection from him. Mainly on your neck where everyone can see whom you belong to. In a way, it was sorta like a status symbol. Like, “Hey these bite marks are from Lord Douma and no other woman has it. That’s because I’m his wife and I am his and his only. Don’t you dare touch me or I’ll tell my husband. And he’ll fucking eat you alive.”

• You’re quite the brat, so whenever and wherever you want attention, you will always get what you want.

• Douma is also a huge fan of PDA. During meetings (before Muzan arrived) he’ll put you on his lap and kiss up and down your neck.

• He’ll even be a bit cocky and stare right at Akaza, whilst slipping a hand into your kimono to begin fondling your breasts. He knows that Akaza wanted you first, and hearing you moan for him rather than Akaza was absolutely adorable. For Akaza, it was humiliating.

B - Body Part

• Let’s face it. It’s always been your neck. It’s perfect for biting and nibbling when he’s hovering over you, fucking you hard into the sheets while you cry out from him.

• Was it from pain or pleasure? He’s didn’t care, and he didn’t want to know. He loved being able to sometimes break the skin on your neck while you begged him to stop. To stop fucking you or stop biting you? He didn’t know and either way, he wasn’t going to stop.

C - Cum

• Douma is so messy when it comes to cum. He’ll practically cum anywhere and everywhere all over you.

• During the first round he prefers to cum inside of you, and loves watching it drip out of you. After the 2nd and 3rd round, he’s cumming in your mouth. A few more rounds in and he’s cumming anywhere on your body.

•Even when you’ve had enough, he’ll forcefully hold up your legs and continue plowing you into your clit until he’s finally done.

“..You’re done already my dearie?…heh, no I don’t think so… I said spread your legs!… I’m not done filling you up with all of my cum yet.”

D - Dirty Secret

• As much as he’ll NEVER admit, he’s always wanted to have a threesome with you.

• The thought of double penetrating and spit roasting you gave him the chills, but in a good way. Just you being forcefully taken so roughly by him and perhaps another man, was enough to make his blood run hot with lust.

• The only problem is that he’d never let another man touch you. It was just the thought that was entertaining.

• On certain occasions however, he had thought of calling over Akaza to flaunt him fucking you. And there were times where he thought of him joining in, coming in to ravish your body and help him devour you. He wanted to see you struggle under pressure and see who’s cock you wanted more.

E - Experience

• This guy has been alive for centuries. Let’s not pretend this guy doesn’t have any experience.

• Nevertheless, he assures you that you’re the one and likes to fuck you in every position known to man.

“… Seriously, you don’t know how long I’ve waited for someone like you… Ive waited centuries and I’ve never wanted to fuck someone this badly… So from now on I get to fuck you as much as I please.”

F - Favorite Position

• Honestly this depends on his mood.

• Since he goes for multiple rounds, there are multiple positions that he puts you through.

• But if he really had to pick a favorite it would probably be doggystyle. The view that he has is astonishing and he loves that he’s able to push your head down into the sheets and you’ll make those adorable moans as if you were struggling to keep it all together.

G - Goofy

• No. This guy is not goofy at all in bed. He takes it seriously and is sadistic.

• He makes sure to stay unpredictable and really gives it to you in all the best ways.

H - Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

• Absolutely. He’s pretty well shaved and groomed. He’s pampered and clean like the cult leader he is.

I = Intimacy

• In the moment he’ll give you everything, even when you two aren’t doing it.

• But during the moment specifically is when he’s able to show you all the things he’s been wanting to do to you all day.

• While the sun starts to set, you make your way back inside to greet him, only to be thrown into the bed with the intense feeling of heat around your neck.

• While biting your neck he’d force your legs apart while he whispered all the dirty things he’d been wanting to do while you were away. “Y/n, Y/n… my darling, get on your knees… and wrap your pretty mouth around my cock. And don’t tease me.”

J - Jack off

• Now that you’re around he never has to.

• But before you, he’d have to do it on his own because touching or being with him was a privilege. He believes that you should be honored.

“Y/n… you should be honored. Plenty of my followers wish for me to fuck them senseless… but you’re lucky I only want you and your sweet, sweet body…”

K - Kink

• He loves bondage. There’s no way that he doesn’t love seeing you helpless in such a moment where you are most vulnerable.

• He’ll mainly tie you up in the most traditional way and begin fucking you from there.

• He also really hopes that one of his followers accidentally walks in since he purposely requests dinner around the time he plans on fucking you.

“Oh-! How embarrassing! I’m sorry, we’ll just finish up here… go ahead an place the food on our table… Look at that Y/n!… this is so embarrassing for you.. my poor followers saw me relentlessly fucking my helpless little slut…”

L - Location (favorite places to do it)

• Mainly you two like to stay in the bedroom.

• However, if you and Douma happen to be in a public space and he feels the sudden urge to fuck you, then he’s getting what he wants.

• He’ll pull you into a more private space, but not impossible to be found by a couple of unsuspecting people. (ex. alleyway) If they catch you guys then Douma will most likely not stop unless they threaten you two.

M - Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

• Knowing that you want him and only him is what really gets him going. He likes that you’re always needy for him and absolutely loves that you praise him.

• He may be sadistic and a complete masochist, but you were into it.

N - No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

• Any over exaggerating moans. If you’re faking it he’ll know right away and will become extremely discouraged because, well why aren’t you turned on? He could fold any woman or man he wanted and there’s never been a time where someone would lie to him. Especially during sex.

• Also no pet play. Please. He likes you as a human. Let’s keep it that way.

O - Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

• Growing up, he was practically raised on being praised. He’s used to receiving because that really all he knows.

• However that doesn’t mean he doesn’t know what he’s doing. Of course, being alive forever lets this man become skillful over the years.

• He loves the taste of you and will most likely eat you out before properly banging you.

“Do you like that Y/n…? You came onto my tongue three times already and darling you are the sweetest thing… Perhaps you’re ready to be properly fucked now?… I won’t start till I hear you beg.”

P - Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

• Extremely fast and rough. Just the way he likes it. He loves seeing your whole body shake and the way you cry out for him to slow down.

• Douma makes you beg.

• He’ll always give you exactly what you want, but for a price.

Q - Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

• He’ll always be able to have time for you, unless it came to Muzan and business. There’s no way to just say no to his boss. He’s sure Muzan would kill you if he missed a meeting.

• But if he knew a meeting were coming up, Douma would be up for a quickie. Telling you to quickly suck his dick, or bend over the table real fast.

“…You’re so fucking tight… Ah, I’ve gotta finish up now here darling… You know I can never be late… I’ll finish what I started when I get back. Until then, no touching yourself.”

R - Risks (are they willing to take any? Try new things, etc.)

• All the time. Douma is infact sorta immoral so he doesn’t mind trying new things.

S - Stamina

• He’s a demon so his stamina and sex drive is at an all time high. You didn’t think just one round would suffice right?

• Uh no, there’s going to be multiple rounds, and multiple rounds leads to countless loads of cum all over you.

• You don’t even remember the most he’s done. You just remember blacking out one night after so many rounds. That was the night he so desperately wanted to knock you up.

T - Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

• Yes! Douma has a lot of things for you. Being into bondage, how could he not have anything else to tease you with?

• He loves sticking things inside of you and watching you squirm.

“…Y/n my dear… you’re a fucking slut.. look at you. Getting all worked up over a toy. Pathetic…”

U - Unfair (how much they like to tease)

• Douma never plays fair with you.

• On days where he sees Akaza or any one of his followers flirt with you, he doesn’t touch you at all.

• If he does, he teases you and makes sure that he’s the only one to cum and he leaves you hanging.

• He doesn’t even allow you to touch yourself until he’s satisfied with your punishment. Afterwards he fucks you for hours, punishing you with his thick cock.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

• He doesn’t care wether or not people are around. However loud he feels in the moment is how loud he will be.

• Most of the time it’s you moaning and crying out his name.

• But when he feels real good, Douma is practically whimpering, moaning and growling. He’ll scratch up your skin and shove his cock in you further.

“Slut!Slut!Slut! Look at you… having your pussy violated by a fucking demon! Pathetic! That’s right… keep screaming my name!”

W - Wildcard (random headcannon)

• He likes to put you in his clothes and fuck you on his altar.

• The way everything was so baggy on you was so cute to him. It was even cuter that you were dressed like him, including his little hat. It made you look like you ran his cult.

• In that scenario you were his leader and he wanted to fuck you every way you commanded him to.

X - X-ray (What’s going on underneath those clothes?)

• A large dick. That’s all. One large, thick, 8 inch dick that he loves to shove inside of you.

Y - Yearning (how high is the sex drive?)

• Extremely high. Any chance he’ll get he’ll fuck you.

• Douma is fucking you at least 3 days a week. Maybe more.

Z - Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

• Well, since he’s a demon he doesn’t sleep. During the day he barely moves since the slightest bit of sunlight could kill him.

• However since you’re still human, you pass out rather quickly and he sometimes pretends what it’s like to sleep. So, he’ll grab a blanket and throw it over the both of you before closing his eyes, thinking to himself until you woke up.

Not gonna lie guys, I shook my ass like I was working a 9-5 making this. Ty bbys! <3

[widow-maximov]

i don’t know if anyone requested this but i can’t find a fanfiction where it’s the aftermath of what happened to natasha and wanda being happy her girlfriend is back, but sad that she and the reader lost their other girlfriend. i hope that made sense… an angsty wandanat basically lol.

I will be more than happy to do the aftermath of Natasha death and their way of processing. You also didn't specify whether it should be sad ending or happy so I gave a happy ending?

────── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ──────

I'm sorry...

Pairing: Wanda x Natasha x Reader

Warning: Language, some fluff and a lot of angst.  enjoy :3

Summary: Y/n is finally happy with her 2 girlfriends; Natasha and Wanda but it seems as if the universe has different plans for Y/n.

Word count: 3.7k

⸻⸻⋙☸🗲⋘⸻⸻

Present

"How is that my fault?" You asked, taking a few steps away from Wanda.

She stared at you with anger "It's all your fault Y/n.. and you know it"

You didn't recognise the woman in front of you, the woman who you loved with every piece of you, the pain in your heart was worse than any injury you ever had experience and that says a lot..

6 years ago

Everything seems to be in place, you are cuddled into Natasha whilst Wanda is cuddled into you, you would've never thought that these two women would be even partly interested in you but you was wrong and now you are more than happy to be here with them.

It hasn't been long since the three of you have gotten together but it has been enough time to get really attached. It didn't take long for the three of you to sleep in one bed, to be fair it started right after you made it official. You didn't mind at all, you felt safe and that's all you really wanted.

You was trained by Natasha every morning which you hated as you always wanted to sleep in but at the same time you loved it... because like who doesn't want to be pinned down by the Black Widow?

Then eventually Wanda would join, you would be one step ahead of her and nearly being able to beat her when Natasha joined and again you ended up being on the floor with now two of them pinning you.

You definitely didn't mind, especially since they would shower you with kisses, they would tease you at how they still ended up beating you, you would roll your eyes but still enjoy these little moments, it made your mornings a lot more better.

A thought struck you as your innocent smile turned into a smirk, currently it was team movie night, the three of you under one blanket, your hand that was resting on Natasha's chest, slowly slid down her stomach, causing her breath to hitch. The movie was boring and you wanted to mess with Natasha like she always messes with you and Wanda.

You faced Wanda and she saw your smirk, she already knew what you were doing as she read your mind and just smirked back, she put her hand under the blanket and used her powers to restrain Natasha from making sudden moves.

You turned to face Natasha again, your hand going underneath her shirt, she tried to move but she noticed the restrains and her face turned towards Wanda so quickly no one would even notice it was a movement, she gave Wanda a glare as she narrowed her eyes which just caused Wanda to smirk again.

Your gaze was on Natasha this whole time to watch her reaction, your hand lingered around her breasts but then progressively it moved down and closer towards her legs.

"What are you doing?" She whispered just enough so you and Wanda could hear.

"I want to go to our room" You ignored her question and looked into her eyes, you could see some sense of lust slowly consuming them.

She let out a shaky breath when your hand stopped so close where she wanted you to be "Wanda let me go" It was a demand which only fuel the two of you.

"Are we going to leave? Or you want us to fuck you right here next to them" That's all Natasha needed to hear, Wanda knew how to push Natasha's buttons.

"I think I'm going to head to bed" Natasha spoke a little to loudly, which attracted everyone's attention.

You smirked but innocently said "Oh really? Well we will join you then"

Just like that, Wanda let go of Natasha and you moved your hand, getting up together whilst Natasha almost jumped up and rushed out of the room.

You looked over at Wanda and then back at speeding off Nat "What's the rush babe? We were thinking about a snack before bed"

Nat stopped and turned around to face you as she walked over and grabbed your hand and Wanda's "No you're not"

She looked at the team "Goodnight!" and rushed away from them whilst you and Wanda laughed.

5 years ago

"Okay, here is the plan, we need to prevent Thanos from snapping his fingers, and take that stupid gauntlet" Tony instructed and everyone agreed.

Just before you was about to shoot off to help evacuate people, Wanda with Nat pulled you into a hug "Be safe Моя любовь (My love)"

You pulled away and looked at them with a soft expression "Of course, you two as well, Wands please protect Vision and Nat be by Wanda's side, I will be back as soon as I can"

They nodded and you gave them a kiss as they let you go, you ran towards the people who didn't know what to do, and they ran towards their place.

------

You ran towards Natasha, she was on the floor, she wasn't injured but she was on the floor, she looked at you with some relief in her eyes "Go find Wanda"

You nodded but before you ran, you quickly gave her a peck on the lips and ran to find her, as you saw her, on the floor by Vision you knew this is bad. You dropped on your knees and stared at her as she muttered "I failed"

You cupped her face "Wands baby, you didn't fail, its okay"

You pulled her into a hug and that's when you saw, some of your team turn into dust, you pulled away and looked at Wanda, that's when she slowly started to dust away.

You could feel your heart crack at the sight of relief in the witches eyes "NATASHA!"

You screamed to get the redheads attention, which did work, she ran in and at the sight of Wanda disappearing, she dropped to her knees as tears were threatening to spill.

"Wanda.. Please don't leave us.." You begged as if she could just stop dusting, and just like she was gone and you let out a heart wrecking sob, Natasha crawled towards you and pulled you into her.

3 months before

Everything has changed since the blip, the way Natasha would constantly just throw herself into work to somehow find a way to bring back half of the population and Wanda.

You tried your best to help her but it was exhausting, each time she would push you away and that only hurt you more, at the start there was hugging till you couldn't breath because she was afraid that you would disappear as well.

But that changed when something in her switched, you have been trying to find a solution for 5 years even if that was on the floor of your shared room, alone because Natasha has pushed you away so far, you didn't even know if there was a way back to her.

She walked inside the room and barely even looked at you, she just gathered her stuff which made you question her "What are you doing Natasha?"

She didn't answer, making you jump up from where you were and block the way out which forced her to say something "Move out of my way Y/n"

You nearly melted on the spot from hearing her voice again but you had to put a brave face up "Not until you tell me what you are doing?"

She sighed as she didn't let up "I said move"

"I'm not going to repeat myself again, you can do this the easy way or I will force you to move" She spoke with so much anger in her tone.

"Where are you going Natasha?" You asked again but this one you had a soft expression which you knew worked on Natasha.

"I'm not staying here, now move out of my way" She simply answered as if that was a normal thing to do.

She had dark bags under her eyes, from what you can assume was no sleep "So you're leaving me?"

She rolled her eyes "The world doesn't revolve around you Y/n. I need to find a solution to bring back these people, that's what we promised to do, we promised to protect them and we failed so now move"

And just like she pushed you and started to walk towards the door "You also promised to be by our side Natasha but I guess that doesn't matter to you anymore"

She stopped in her tracks as she turned to face you once more "You knew that promise was never going to work with this job, it wasn't real"

Tears streaming down your face as you looked away from her "It was real to me and definitely to Wanda. Shame you don't think that"

"You don't know what she would've said, because she isn't here!" She snapped causing you to flinch a little, she never raised her voice at you.

Her grip on the things she was holding tighten as she saw you flinch "Just don't get in my way again or you'll regret it"

Your eyes snapped to her face "Fuck you for treating me like shit. Fuck you for doing this to us. Fuck you for threatening me, just get out of this room!" You couldn't keep all these emotions inside you, you spent the last 5 years supporting her and that's what you get in return.

She rolled her eyes and walked out, not even trying to argue with you or pull you into her embrace and apologise for acting like a jerk, she just left, leaving you to cry.

1 month before

A broken heart isn't easy to deal with, but you thought you managed just well yet to the remaining team thought differently. You would mainly throw yourself into training, doing everything to keep your mind of the whole argument, it did work but not for long.

Natasha avoided you as well, that was until the opportunity for the solution finally knocked on the door, you all were somewhat relief at the thought of everyone being back.

You walked in as Tony with some guy explained how its possible to bring everyone back, turns out its the ant man who was stuck in the Quantum Realm and he explained how it's possible to time travel. You was a little concerned but you was pulled out of it as Natasha stood next to you, you swallowed down the bubbling tears as your senses were invaded by Natasha so you naturally just moved away.

It did cause some stares to be thrown your way but you didn't care, you knew if you stood there, you would break down and it wasn't that easy to keep it inside you.

"Okay.. Okay, I will build the machine but only for the stones, nothing else. Until then everyone just prepare yourself" Tony agreed eventually and dismissed everyone.

------

"Okay, Y/n and Natasha will go to Vormir and take the soul stone-"

"Can I not just go into the field or something?" You interrupted him, caused Natasha to sigh in disbelief.

"Are you serious right now?" She spoke up from behind you.

You looked over your shoulder not really caring "Yeah, now can she go with Clint or something?"

Tony rolled his eyes and just agreed with you this way the two of you wouldn't fight "Okay, fine Natasha and Clint will go, and you, Y/n will come with me"

You nodded and when Tony dismissed everyone, you walked towards the kitchen to finally eat something before going to suit up and go with Tony, but you was followed.

You knew you was followed but you simply didn't care, only when you didn't except it to be Natasha behind you "Y/n can we talk?"

You froze in place as she moved a little closed to you, you faced her and it seems as if your brain had malfunctioned at the sight of Natasha.

"I'm sorry Y/n, for being such a jackass to you. For treating you like you didn't matter. I love you and I'm really sorry" She took your silence as the opportunity to talk before you could.

"Are you kidding?" Now you spoke with disbelief.

She looked at you a little taken back which caused a "what?" to come out of her mouth.

"What do you mean what? It took you 5 years to understand how you treated me? Having time travel introduced suddenly makes it okay for you to think I will open my arms and say 'Aww baby! I have been waiting for you!'"

She shook her head "Of course it isn't okay.. I just wanted you to hear me actually say sorry, you at least deserve that. I'm really sorry Y/n and I love you so much" Her voice cracked at the end with tears in her eyes.

Looking at her so broken, it hurts you more than her leaving you. Tears in your eyes, you rush to her and embrace her in a tight warm hug, as the both of you cried quietly "I love you too Tasha"

Her heart melted at the nickname she haven't heard in so long, she pulled away and placed her forehead against yours, her eyes closed as another set of tears roll down her face, she tilted her head and kissed you, tasting your tears and her own but she didn't care.

She pulled away and whispered "I'll see you in a minute" with a small sad smile.

You smiled and let her go as you nodded, she walked off and you went to Tony after eating and suiting up.

--------

Everything seemed to work out, you had the stones and that's when you saw Clint with the last stone, you ran to him to take it and the only question you could ask is "Where is Natasha?"

He was about to answer when Tony called out to you and you had to ran to him but not before your eyes scanned around you to locate the redhead, when you failed you frowned but tried not to think so much about it, so you ran towards Tony and gave him the stones, Thanos tried his best to take it back and snap again but it didn't work because you guys were one step ahead of him, the gauntlet ended up with Bruce and he snapped his fingers even if he was in so much pain.

You turned around to see multiple portals open up and half of the population appearing again, your eyes scanned for Wanda and you caught glimpse of red, you knew it was her, you ran towards her and threw yourself at her.

"Oh my god, it's you.." You said with a shaky breath, not believing your eyes.

She hugged you back with the same affection and a kiss that was so passionate it made her head spin but soon parted to continue the fight but after watching Thanos turn to dust, you were in her arms again with more happiness than you felt during the 5 years.

Clint approached the two of you and with a sad smile and tears in his eyes "I'm so sorry"

You pulled away from the hug a little as you looked at him confused but it clicked in the instant "Where is she?!"

"What are you talking about?" Wanda asked confusion in her tone.

"The way to get the stone.. One of us had to sacrifice ourselves, it was suppose to be me but she was stubborn and she jumped"

You felt as if your heart stopped, your eyes widen at his words, Wanda's grip tighten around you as you felt anger build up in you "What do you mean she jumped?!"

Before he could even say anything, you repeated yourself "What do you mean she FUCKING JUMPED?!"

You ran your hands through your hair as you let out a shaky breath and Wanda pulled you into her, doing her thing that always calm you down, no words left her as she was shocked as well, so you stood there in her embrace, letting out a sob, similar to the one 5 years ago.

Present

There you are standing in front of Wanda as her words are laced with venom, the history repeating itself but this time with Wanda "Wands I know you don't mean what you're saying.. Don't do the same thing Natasha did to me-"

She interrupted you "She at least did the right thing, gosh it was such a mistake, all of this."

Your vision started to get clouded with tears at her words "That's not my fault that she jumped, I didn't force her-"

"YOU COULD'VE STOPPED HER Y/n!" She snapped at you, she was the calmest person you could've met but yet she changed so much in a course of a month.

"Like I could've stopped you from being dusted? I lost both of you! Not at the same time but yet it feels like it, she left me and now you're doing the same, there was nothing I could've done, you know how stubborn she is-" You tried to get your point across but she was just too angry to even listen.

"You was the last to see her and I never did so imagine how that feels... Just leave Y/n" She looked away with tears in her eyes but she held herself a little bit better than you.

You chuckled dryly as you wiped your face "You know, you are right, I could've stopped her, by being in her place instead, I'm sorry that it wasn't me but her"

She turned around to face you but you already walked out, the witch leaned on the wall as she covered her mouth to muffle a sob.

6 months later

You moved out of the compound after finding out that Tony had a spare cabin in the woods, he was more than happy to give it to you after finding out what have happened, you thanked him and gotten out of that compound, away from Wanda and everything that reminded you how much you have failed to keep the two people you loved the most.

You heard from Bucky that Wanda gotten engaged to Vision, you'll never understand how that walking air fryer has any capability to have any feelings, but if it took Wanda so fast to move on, why couldn't you?

You moved into a cabin that's only surrounded by trees so no one could hear you screaming at night with anger. You asked Tony to not tell anyone where you were, not that anyone actually cared to ask but he agreed.

You do visit Natasha's grave, place some flowers from time to time, and each time light a candle to let her know that you are always there even if she wasn't most of the time.

Right now you are sitting on the sofa as night falls, there was some noises outside which pulled your attention from the tv, you grabbed your gun and slowly walked towards the door, you opened it and pointed it ahead of you.

The person on the end of the gun wasn't someone you would expect "What are you doing here?" You lowered your gun.

The witch stood there with her hands up and a small smile "I'm here to talk"

You sighed and crossed your arms, you did your crying for the past 6 months till no tears came out, so you just stood there "What is there to talk about?"

"Can I?" She asked as she pointed to the inside of the cabin, it was warm inside but the outside was freezing so you agreed and let her in.

"How did you find me?" You asked still with your arms crossed.

"I might or might not have threatened Tony... because this is important" She confessed.

"If you are here to argue again then leave, I don't need this again-" You tried to sound with no emotions but the way you dropped your arms and just sighed gave it away you were still very hurt.

"I'm not here to argue, I'm here to apologise for what I have said, it wasn't okay, and I'm so sorry. I know you couldn't have done anything and I never blamed you Y/n, no one deserved to die the way she did, I was just angry with how I never saw her and you did and jealously is very ugly"

You shook your head "Wanda this won't fix anything, I lost the two of you, I saw you disappear in front of my eyes, she left me after that to try to bring you back along with the rest of the population, and then she died so you could be here and when I needed you the most, you did the exact thing"

"I know Y/n/n I know, I'm so sorry and I will do everything to try to be better for you, I want to be here for you because honestly I need you as well. I never stopped loving you" She was nervously playing with her rings on her fingers as tears filled her eyes.

"Wanda you are with Vision, you are practically married. Please stop I can't handle anymore pain" You admitted to her because frankly you couldn't, no matter how many times you tried to get over Wanda you couldn't. You learned how to accept that Natasha will never be back but It was still hard to be with someone apart the two of them.

"I left him, I can't be with him if its you I think about before falling asleep Y/n. So please let me make it up to you, if that's what you want or look me in the eyes and tell me that this is the end" Her breathing was unsteady by the end as she let her tears flow down her face.

You looked at her and into her eyes, you could tell her breath hitched just at you looking at her, your walls crumbled apart as you let your tears out and shake your head slowly "Okay but you best believe this wont be easy"

For the first time in so long, you saw a genuine smile on her face as she walked up to you and took you into her arms as she softly stated "I know... And I'm prepared for everything. I promise to never leave you again or hurt you.. I love you"

You sighed as you cried in her arms "I love you too дорогой (Sweetheart)"

[planetdemon]

I just wanted to be a swan

pairing: bang chan x reader

genre: angst, fluff, but mostly angst

warnings: low self-esteem, body hate/dislike, eating disorders, swearing, food, insecurities, arguing DONT READ IF YOU DON'T FEEL COMFORTABLE WITH IT!

wc: 2.003

note: so this scenario has been going through my head for quite a while now, and I tried writing it by myself lol. Hope it's good ;) I've also sent a request to @channienet about the same topic, so make sure to check her interpretation out as well! enjoy!

summary: Due to Chan's heavy working schedule, spending time alone was a thing you couldn't quite befriend with, especially after you've noticed some changes you have gone through. There is a to change it, but it isn't quite... let's say healthy. How will Chan react, after he finds out? Will he even care? (dude I'm shit at writing summary lol)

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Taking a bath was normally something that should be considered relaxing or calming. You've always enjoyed letting the hot water surround your body whilst taking all the dirt and negativity off that you have collected during stressful days at work.

But lately, taking a bath wasn't as enjoyable anymore as it once was. Chris has been working a lot lately, due to the kingdom stage and their nearing comeback. He has been spending more and more time at the company, working on producing new tracks for him and the kids, often staying at the dorms because they were closer to the studio than the apartment you shared. So you were left alone, by yourself.

Even though you wished he would be by your side while you were falling asleep, you couldn't be mad at him. You knew what his work meant to that boy and you would never tell him to stop doing what he loves just so you could spend some time together.

But being alone also meant that you had to kill the boredom somehow and, thanks to Felix's Brownie and Cookie recipes, you had the perfect thing to do in the meantime. Baking and eating delicious desserts.

You were just stepping out of the bathtub, grabbing the towel you had prepared, and drying yourself with it. Once your body was half-dried, you turned around to hang the towel back at the hanger, so it could dry properly.

And at that moment, you knew, you've fucked up. You couldn't avoid looking at your wet, naked body in the hot, steamy mirror near the hangers.

You always hated looking at it, but thanks to the sweets you had been eating lately, looking at yourself only made you feel sicker than it ever did.

You couldn't tear your gaze off the excess of flesh around your tummy and thighs and the stretch marks, that decored your boobs only seemed to scream "Look at me!". You slowly turned around and saw the tiger stripes creeping up your bum and the undersides of your arms.

'Fucking disgusting', that little voice in your head sneered.

'How could I let this come this far?', you thought. At this point, you were somehow happy Chris wasn't here, knowing he would be disgusted with how you've changed.

You've always felt a bit insecure by his side, knowing you could catch up with neither his attractiveness nor his muscular godlike body. But seeing yourself like this destroyed every little self-esteem you had left in your cells.

-

It has been nearly two months since 'the incident' in the bathroom and you couldn't shake that feeling of disgusts off. Not even for one second.

You only wanted to try a one-week detox diet that was blowing up all over social media, hoping you could lose a little bit of weight, so you would be back to normal. But seeing the numbers on the scale dropping so unbelievably quickly only made you realize that you could look even better than you thought you could.

You kept on following the diet and restricting everything that wasn't included, not noticing that restricting also damaged your mind.

One time, Han and Felix asked you if you wanted to have lunch with them and the others, but fear crept up you back as soon as you thought about the food they would have ordered, knowing that you would only gain weight again if you didn't follow the rules.

So you stayed home, keeping yourself isolated from your friends and most importantly, Chan.

You were lying on my bed, scrolling through Tumblr when Chris' Caller ID showed up and your phone started to ring. You sighed lowly, not wanting to talk to him.

Over the past few months, you stopped showing up at the studio, being afraid the boys would notice the changes your body went through, thanks to the diet. You were happy about it, knowing that you were losing weight, but you haven't reached my goal. You were afraid, they would judge you the way you did when you looked at yourself.

"Chris?"

"y/n? Han just told me that you weren't coming over. Are you okay? Y-" Chris's muffled voice appeared and you felt instant regret deep in your guts, knowing how much fun you guys had when you spent time together back in the days.

"Yeah, I'm okay Channie, don't worry. I just feel a little sleepy. I'll come next time. Promise" You tried your best to sound optimistic or at least not too sad, hoping Chris would believe your lie. "Okay," he mumbled, "I love you, baby girl".

-

You knew you were in big troubled the second Chris opened the fridge, seeing no food in there.

He randomly decided to stay over the weekend, saying that he missed you. You weren't ready for this, knowing that you couldn't hide the signs of the 'passion' you had developed in time.

"Why is there no food?" You fumbled with the arms of Chris sweater you were wearing while looking at the ground. "I've forgotten to go grocery shopping" You answered.

"But there is nothing in there, y/n. Nothing" He walked over and took hold of your cold hands while looking you straight in the eyes.

"Why is there no food?" Chris asked again.

"I just told you I forgot to go grocery shopping, Chan. Relax" You snapped back, getting anxious about the fact that he could notice something.

You were nearing your goal, even though you knew that you could never be satisfied with how you looked. He couldn't just come over and ruin all the progress you've made after being not here for so long. He doesn't have the right to do this.

"Don't fuck around, y/n. You always have at least some butter in your house. Where is the butter? Where is Ramen? You must have some food here!"

Your body started to shake as you heard his voice rise, keeping your gaze low, not daring to look him in the eyes right now. He was right.

You always had something at home, so you could quickly cook something when you were hungry. But you didn't saw a point in keeping food at home if you wouldn't eat it anyway. It would just rot.

"Y/n look at me" he whispered, after realizing that you were trembling. Chris gently grabbed your chin to make you look up at him. You were expecting to see anger, but the only thing you saw in his brown orbs was sadness.

You started to tear up after you noticed it, knowing that he put one and one together. You missing out on lunch with the boys, you not showing up at the studio to bring him food and spend with him there, listening to his tracks, you not having any food at home. It was obvious, but you still hoped he wouldn't notice.

Chris slowly took you in his arms, noticing how your figure felt smaller and bonier than before. It made him sick, knowing what you did to yourself. 'Why would my girl do something like this?' he thought 'how could my little princess torture herself this much?' But he couldn't find a 'because'.

In his eyes, you were the best thing that happened to him. You were the prettiest girl on earth. Warm tears were running down his pale cheeks, dropping to the floor.

He couldn't stop blaming himself for what you did. Maybe if he would have been there, he could have stopped you. Maybe if-

"Channie?" You quietly asked, looking up at his tear-stained cheeks. "Channie why are you crying? We can go to the store and grab something if you want. You don't-"

"Why have you been doing this to yourself, y/n?"

"What do you mean?"

"Why haven't you been eating"

Well, shit.

"What are you talking about, Channie?"

"Don't fucking lie to me, it's too obvious for you to do so. Why haven't you been eating?"

"I... I, I'm pressured Chan" You answered, knowing that he wouldn't believe you if you would tell him otherwise. Telling him the truth was the only option at this point, even though you didn't want to.

"Pressured?"

"Yes"

"Princess, I don't understand what you mean by that"

You shook your head and let go of him, before walking over to the couch and sitting down with a low sigh. "Maybe you shouldn't understand," I said.

"Jesus, y/n" I heard him mutter under his breath. He walked over and sat on the floor, in front of you, looking at you with a scared expression.

"Please tell me what's in that pretty little head of yours. I can see that you have lost weight, but I don't understand why. I mean, you are the prettiest human I have ever seen in my whole life, why would you do something like that?"

"Why do you even care? It's not like you here anyway" you simply said, grabbing your phone, trying to ignore him.

After he noticed your intentions, he quickly took your phone out of your hands, placing it on the coffee table behind him.

"Hey! Give me my phone back, you dump a-"

"Fucking stop it, y/n. Stop ignoring me. I care for you because I love you! You are my everything and I know I haven't been home lately, but at least I tried making time for you and inviting you to the studio", he said, "but you never came! Don't act like it's only my fault we haven't seen each other."

You looked at him with wide eyes, shaking your head. He was right, it was also your fault. And you hated the fact that he was right. "I-"

"Please y/n, please stop turning away from me and closing up. I-I know it's not easy to open up, but I'm here for you. I'll always be."

"Well, I... I couldn't, no, I can't feel happy when I look like this, Channie. I mean, look at you, look at your perfect body and your perfect personality and your perfect everything! I don't fit in. I don't fit in, because I am the ugly duck surrounded by beautiful swans. I just... wanted to be a beautiful swan, Channie."

That's it. You've made it. You've told him what was going through your mind all the time.

He slowly pulled you off the couch, into his lap. He could feel your seat humps against his thighs, how bony and strong they were. Chris shook his head in disbelieve, another wave of sadness crushing over him.

"You are perfect, baby girl. You are perfect in every single way. You always were the most beautiful swan I have ever seen in my entire life. I love everything about you, y/n. I love how your thighs wiggle whenever you run towards me when we meet, I love how curves look in that dress I brought you a year ago, I love how your stretch marks are decorating your body like silverish paint. I don't want you to change for me, because you are perfect the way you are. Jesus, even Hyunjin said you are even prettier than himself, and that means a lot. Please don't hurt yourself like this, princess. You are destroying yourself"

He took hold of your hands and kissed your palm.

"I promise I'll stop working so much, so I can spend more time with my beautiful girlfriend, but please... stop hurting yourself" he whispered, searching for any signs of discomfort in your eyes. But you just set in his lap and listened to him.

"Hyunjin thinks I'm prettier than him?" you asked awkwardly.

Chris chuckled and nodded "Is this the only thing that got stuck in your pretty little head?" He asked.

You smiled a bit, leaning your forehead against his while closing your eyes. "I'll try to get better, Chris" you whispered.

It wouldn't be an easy journey going back to 'normal. Once the hole is there, digging is difficult. But it is possible, especially if someones helping you.

[animeyanderelover]

Hi ! I really like your blog <3 can I have 65 for Kurapiki please

It's been quite some time since I wrote anything for him and there was a time where I wrote nearly all of the time for him. DON’T READ IF YOU'RE UNCOMFORTABLE SINCE THIS INCLUDES SENSIBLE STUFF!!!

Tw: Yandere themes, unhealthy mindset, unhealthy relationship, possessiveness, obsessiveness, suicidal behavior, depression, self-harm, cutting, blood

Prompt 65: “What are you doing?! Why would you do this to yourself?! Do you seriously think death will help you escaping from me?!”

"What are you doing?!" You hadn't expected him to be home so soon, mormally he was always a bit longer gone, but maybe he had just sensed that something was wrong. He had a sixth sense for such things. And before you even knew it he was already standing right in front of you, slamming the broken piece of the mirror you had smashed not too long ago out of your hand.

You flinched slightly when seeing the furious look in his blazing eyes, red just as much as the blood you had managed to cut out of the very few scratches you had made so far. It wasn't much, but just seeing the blood trickle down your skin had been enough to suddenly fill you with...silence. Not the empty one...the peaceful and quiet one.

You hadn't gone too deep you supposed, it had hurt a bit slicing the glass through your skin, but seeing and feeling the red liquid on your skin had encouraged you to do a bit more. And by now the stinging pain felt actually good, your brain making you aware of the pain in there and giving you something to focus on.

"Why would you do this to yourself?! Do you think death will help you escaping from me?" He was screaming at this point at you, having dashed to one of the shelves and nearly ripping the drawer out before pulling the first-aid kit out. You didn't do anything, just watching him instantly taking huge steps back to you and starting to attend to the damage you had inflicted to yourself.

"Why is he making such a fuss? It's not like I'm going to die from blood loss or anything like this. These wounds are far to minor for that.", you wondered silently, watching him quickly and with shaking hands bandaging all the wounds. His palms were sweaty and his breath appeared to be erratic, causing you to feel a bit guilty for what you've done. Seeing him being so scared seemed to tug on the strings of your heart.

"Kurapika?", you asked with a very quiet voice, nearly whispering his name and if he wouldn't have been only inches away from you, he wouldn't have heard you. He froze abruptly when hearing you, hands stopping midair, head hanging low which made it hard to see his face. The only thing you could clearly see was that he was trembling terribly. He looked extremely pitiful in this moment which gave you the sudden desire to comfort him a bit. You didn't know why you felt that need, you only knew that the thought of it made you...less lost.

"Kurapika, it's fine.", you muttered out softly, grabbing both of his hands softly. They were warm, giving you some of it which sank into your own skin, causing you to not want to let go. The silence afterwads where only his heavy breathing was being heard made you slightly awkward, though you still didn't want to let go of his hands. It was nice, feeling someone's warmth against your own.

"Why?"

Upon asking you with a weak voice this question, his grip on you suddenly tightened and he leaned a bit closer, hair still covering his face.

Your eyes slowly went to the many broken pieces of the mirror on the ground, staying there and thinking about what you could answer him. Why had you done this? Because you had been in too much pain? Did you want a distraction? Or did you just want to end all of this?

"I...don't know this myself. I only know that I wondered if it would hurt very much and how long it would take to cut with a sharp piece through my skin. I wanted...to feel it I guess. In the end it wasn't even all that bad.”

You started zooning out a bit whilst focusing on the glass pieces, imagining the experience of the slightly stinging pain and the weird fascination of seeing your own blood flowing out of the wound. You knew that this wasn't a healthy way of thinking and you had heard so many stories before about this. But if you were careful and wouldn't overdo it, nothing bad would happen, right?

"Stop this." A sudden grip on your cheek caught your attention, realizing that it was Kurapika's hand before the boy suddenly pressed his forehead against yours, causing you to look at him instead of the broken pieces. And for some reason your heart fluttered in your chest from this sudden contact, something inside of you stirring up when seeing him in such a condition from this close. You just didn’t know whether it was good or not.

"Don't look at it. Instead focus on me for now." That was when you realized that he was crying, tears trailing down his cheeks and dropping down his chin. The look in his eyes had suddenly changed, the previous fire in them having been extinct. Now tears were decorating the suddenly dim shining eyes of his, giving you a lost and broken look that made you suddenly feel ashamed of what you had done. The bathroom suddenly made you feel…overwhelmed. The broken mirror, the blood drops on the ground, all of it. Oh god. What had you done? You should hav been more careful.

Kurapika seemed to notice how you felt, how you had suddenly started becoming more squirmy, eyes shooting with rising panic left and right. So he allowed you to stand up and leave his grip for a moment, but that as all he was able to let you do before his hand grabbed yours once again and led you quickly out of this place. From the way he nearly ran you guessed the atmosphere of it was just as suffocating for you as it was for him.

Even so, how could you have been so stupid? Why hadn’t you seen this coming? You stared with huge eyes at the bandages on your arms and you felt like you…had just woken up from a very weird and blurry dream. Realization hit you like a train, causing a storm of so far brewed up emotions explode inside of you and the earlier emptiness inside of you was replaced by chaos. Had you really just…?

You were too much in a numb shock to protest much when Kurapika placed you on the bed, eyes glued to the white fabric on your arms, trying to make sense of it all. You couldn’t even clearly understand your way of thinking when you had done it, it had almost felt like you had known what you had done and at the same time you hadn’t.

When suddenly the mattress dipped not too far away from you, you lifted your head a bit, the sudden neutral expression from your face gone. Instead you looked utterly shocked and confused, as if you yourself hadn’t done this. But you had, you could recall all of the emotions and thoughts you had had.

You wished that you might just be able to start feeling the same numbness and silence you had felt before because seeing Kurapika like this made this all only worse. What should you even say to him?

He had left a bit space between you two, maybe because he knew that you felt by now ashamed of what you had done. Doing as much as looking at him was hard. He seemed so betrayed and confused, but most of all heartbroken. It triggered tears in your eyes as well.

But the following silence was the worst, even breathing appeared to be hard. You focused on something else desperately, having turned your head around to hide your face from him. You felt pathetic and didn’t want him to see you like this.

“(y/n). Do you hate me and the life I’ve given you so much that you would rather die?”

You clenched your jaw when hearing his so quiet voice, feeling like you wanted to turn into a ghost and disappear then and there. But his question caused your thoughts to sprint back and forth that you felt like you would get dizzy. Why had you done this? Did you really…think your life was so terrible that you had thought cutting yourself would help?

No, you hadn’t hated your life in that moment. You had just wanted to…replace that emptiness inside of you. The exhaustion.

“It’s not because of you Kurapika.”, you told him, your voice slightly shaking as well and your blurry vision told you that you were about to cry as well.

“What is it then? Please tell me so I can fix it for you. I’ll do everything. Just please…stop this! It’s torture. It hurts me.”

That was the final straw for you, wetness dropping down your cheeks as well whilst you thought desperately for a way to stop this. You didn’t know how to quite explain it, but in this one moment…you had been indifferent for any regards of your life. It didn’t matter whether you died or not, all you had wanted was the sensation of blood and pain, something to make you feel. But that wasn’t you! You didn’t want to die! You still had so much you wanted to do!

You hadn’t seen it in that moment though. All you had thought was that with no one knowing where you were and only Kurapika being your company, no one would miss you if you should die. For you it would be all over then anyways. Life had suddenly seemed so…grey and depressing. But you wanted to live! Didn’t you?

“Kurapika…”

You couldn’t remember a time where you had that willingly latched into him like in that moment, wanting to have human contact with him. It scared you, that sudden phrase of yours where you had played a bit with your life without care for consequences. In that moment life hadn’t mattered. The sensation had mattered.

“Please. If you want to help, then help me seeing a worth. I don’t want to die…but I don’t want to live sometimes either. I just feel so empty. To the point where my life doesn’t matter to me anymore. But-but I don’t want that.”

You had started sobbing into the fabric of his shirt softly, sudden terror filling all your senses. The thought of nothingness frightened you, that there would only be eternal darkness. Why would you want that?”

Kurapika had gone blank for a short while, your sudden plead leaving him with a growing feeling of dread. He didn’t know. He didn’t know how exactly he could help. He had continued living to avenge his clan and now that he had found you, he had also made you his reason to live. Imagining you lose you…No, he couldn’t. It would kill him.

“It’s…it’s going to be fine, I promise it’ll be. I’ll help you with this. I’ll show you that life is worth everything. Your life…means everything to me. And since you made my life so much better, it’s my turn to do the same for you. I can’t lose you. The thought of being all on my own terrified me more than anything. Living without you…terrifies me.

[hercleverboy]

we’ll make it work

spencer reid x reader

genre > fluff with the tiniest sprinkle of angst

wc > 1k

note > hi everyone! I apologise for my lack of fics lately. here’s a little something for you whilst I work on a longer fic. enjoy!

Spencer had been thinking a lot lately about his budding relationship with Y/N. They had been on a few dates, spanning over two months, and things were going well. Although he didn’t really want to admit it, he could already feel himself falling for her. However, he kept stopping himself before his heart could completely take the final leap. His insecurities and anxieties were holding him back. He’d been thinking a lot on the jet ride home and took out his phone to send her a text.

“Could you meet me at my place? We need to talk. Let yourself in and I’ll be there in 30.”

He clicked his phone shut, sighing to himself.

*

He looked up as he pushed open his apartment door, his eyes landing on where Y/N was stood in the middle of the room. She’d been nervously pacing, obviously due to how ominous his text had been. Looking back on it, he could see how she might think he was breaking things off with her, and as soon as he got everything off his chest he would be quick to reassure her otherwise.

“Hi.” She smiled through her obvious nervousness, hand raising in a shy wave.

Spencer murmured a small ‘Hi’ back, placing his satchel down by the door as it closed behind him.

“How was the case?” She asked, trying to ease into conversation.

He winced a little at the mention of it since it hadn’t ended brilliantly. “It didn’t end well.”

“Are you okay?” She asked, and the sincerity nearly made him want to cry.

He nodded, coming to stand before her. “I’ll be okay. Thank you.”

She bit her lip, folding her hands together in front of her. “You- you wanted to talk?”

“I did. Um- it’s nothing bad- I promise. I just have something to get off my chest and If we want to have a relationship from this then we have to be honest with one another, right? Because you know I read an article the other day that suggested that relationships that lack vital communication-“

“Hey.” She interrupted him gently, so his nervous rambles would stop, and he could take a breath. She wanted to reach out and touch him, but she knew of his aversion to touch and didn’t want to make him uncomfortable. Especially not when he was evidently nervous enough. “It’s okay. You can tell me. And whatever it is, we’ll figure it out.” She gave him a warm smile and he nodded, trying to string his thoughts together.

Just tell her how you feel, Spencer.

“I’m scared.”

“Of what?”

“Losing you.”

She frowned at the comment, quick to try and assure him otherwise. “Spencer, I’m not going to leave you-“

“That’s what everyone always says. But people always leave.”

She didn’t miss a beat with her response. 

“Not me.” 

It was quiet for a moment, and then he spoke.

“Y/N. I’m falling in love with you.” He looked down, not being able to meet her eyes as he confessed. “And I know it might be selfish, but I need you to promise me that you won’t go anywhere.”

“Spencer-“

A surge of confidence shot through him, and he looked up to meet her eyes. “This job of mine, it’s difficult. There will be times when I get hurt, probably within an inch of my life. It’s risky, and it’s demanding, but it’s so important.”

Y/N nodded. 

“If I take the final leap, if I let myself fall in love with you, there’s no going back. If we get into a relationship, I don’t want you to decide two years from now that my job is too much to handle.” He whimpered out. 

“That’s a lot to ask of me. I mean, who knows what will happen with us? I don’t want to make you a promise that I can’t keep.” She whispered and watched as his gaze dropped to the floor. 

“I-I know, I know this is a lot, and I’m sorry I just- I need to know that you understand. So, I’m laying it all out on the table for you now. To save myself the heartache. Can you put up with all of this?”

She bit her lip, thinking. It would be tough. There would be nights she spent alone, rescheduled dinner dates and forgotten anniversaries. And she’d have to go through it at some point - getting a call from one of his team, thinking he might be dying from an injury. It made her heart ache. But as she looked at the beautiful man in front of her, she knew she he would be worth the risk. 

“Spencer, I’m falling in love with you too. I understand what you’re saying, but I want you. You being away a lot will be difficult, but it’ll just make the moments when we are together more special. We’ll make it work.” She reassured him, and it seemed to do the trick, because a small smile found its way onto his lips. “I think having to work a little harder is worth it if it means I can be with you.”

He grinned sheepishly, looking back up to meet her eyes and reaching out to take her hands in his in a sweet gesture. “Really?”

She squeezed his hands. “Really. I’m not going to leave you if the going gets tough. You’re too precious to me, Spencer Reid.”

He only flushed harder at the compliment, thumbs running over the back of her hands. “Thank you.”

She pushed herself up onto her tiptoes, pressing a kiss to his cheek. When she pulled back she looked over at the clock that sat on his wall.

“It’s getting late, would you want to get some takeout, watch a movie?” She posed, and he nodded, reluctantly releasing her hands so he could go to the kitchen and grab the Chinese menu from the little drawer.

After ordering their food, he came back into the kitchen to see Y/N curled up on his sofa, with a blanket ready for the two snuggle with as the opening credits of the film she picked rolled.

His heart swelled with happiness and pride.

He was finally getting the happy ending he’d craved for so long.

God knows it was a long time coming.

[minor-solemnity]

Invention and Intrigue

This might turn into a multi-part fic? I haven’t decided yet, but let me know if you want to read more of this one though!

He doesn’t look angry, or even particularly concerned is the thing. He looks like he’s considering something. Thoughtful, interested. “That was quite the performance,” He says at last and walks over to you, his shoes tap tap tapping against the stone floor. “I think I’d like an explanation.”

The dungeons are one of those places that you don’t go near unless you can absolutely help it. You’d dropped Potions the moment you’d been allowed, not because you’re not good at them - it had been one of your best subjects in actuality - but because the dungeons aren’t safe. Not for someone like you. 

This is why you’re currently cursing every bloodline that makes up your best friend’s family tree as you gingerly descend the stone steps into the depths below. Melanie Lindhurst has a date. A date with a boy who she has been pining after since fourth year. She also has a very expensive rare textbook that she needs to return to Slughorn that night but she can’t because of said date. This is why you’ve been roped into finding Slughorn and returning the book yourself. Which means you have to go into the bowls of the castle and pray you don’t run into any Slytherins whilst you’re there.

Melanie had said you were being dramatic when you’d grouched about it over dinner. She finds your reticence to go near the dungeons very amusing. But then she’s not the one who spent most of fifth year creeping around the castle waiting for a mystery monster or madman to sneak up behind you. She’s not the one who had Victor Lestrange whispering that he wished it had been you when they removed Myrtle’s body from the bathroom. So Melanie doesn’t get to laugh at your objectively sensible reluctance to step foot in the snake pit.

After ten minutes of wandering the corridors, you have to admit that you’re lost. All the tunnels look exactly the same and you don’t know where Slughorn’s office is. Maybe Melanie had a point when she said you have a flair for the dramatic, but honestly, never mind Slytherins, you’re going to die down here because of your terrible sense of direction. You take another turn and hear voices coming from behind a door. Lestrange’s unmistakable cackle carries through the air and the door slams open. You press yourself against the wall and hope that no one spots you. Tom Riddle leads Avery and Lestrange out of the door.

God. The snake pit indeed.

You’re in the middle of breathing a sigh of relief at not being noticed when Riddle stills and turns to you. “Are you lost?” He asks, and the other two boys turn to stare at you too. You school your expression into something polite and unassuming and valiantly try to ignore the nasty smile that’s stretching across Lestrange’s face. Riddle, for his part, looks faintly amused. Like he knows exactly how little you want to be here and finds it all rather funny. Still, you feel yourself stand a little straighter despite yourself. He’s the Head Boy, after all, well known in the castle for his pleasant, quiet demeanour and his strict adherence to the rules. It’s not strange that you want to make a good impression.

“Good evening. I, ahh, I have to return this book to Slughorn. My friend borrowed it and he wanted it back tonight.” You explain, feeling vaguely ridiculous as you raise the book up to show them that you aren’t lying. “I don’t suppose you know where he is?” 

Avery rolls his eyes, reaches towards you and takes the book. “I’ll bring it to him. I need to talk to him about my last potions essay, anyway.” He says. You notice that he very carefully doesn’t touch you and you bristle at the implication that the thought of touching a muggleborn is beneath him. 

“Of course. I’m sure you’re more familiar with this area of the castle than I am.” He leaves soon after. You decide to switch Melanie’s conditioner with hair dye as vengeance for her leaving you. In the snake pit. With Lestrange. The two remaining Slytherins watch you - Lestrange with haughty contempt and Riddle with a kind of detached interest. You rather get the impression that he’s waiting for you to do something idiotic. “I… Well, good night.” You say at last deciding that making a speedy escape is your best plan of action. 

You've made it to the end of the tunnel when you hear Riddle say goodbye to Lestrange and his footsteps recede into the distance. You frown and your grip on your wand tightens when you don’t hear Lestrange follow after him. “You're being paranoid,” You mutter to yourself and begin to try and retrace your steps. Five minutes later, you realise that you’re even more lost than you’d been to start with. With a rueful smile, you have to admit it’s hardly surprising. You haven’t stepped foot in the dungeons in two years, and even then it was only ever to the Potions lab. Your knowledge of this part of the castle is severely lacking.

It’s as you’re mulling over your predicament when a flash of purple light illuminates the space around you and a cry escapes you as your shoulder erupts in blistering pain. Lestrange’s laughter echoes down the hallway and before you can think it through, you’re lashing out with your own curse. “Confringo!” A stone bust next to where Lestrange is standing explodes and he yells in surprise as a chunk of marble very nearly knocks him over. He raises his wand but you’re quicker: “Crudesiko.” 

The effect of the spell is immediate. Lestrange staggers back, his eyes wide and fearful. You smirk. Serves him fucking right. His already pale complexion is turning practically ghostly and when he opens his mouth, blood burbles up the back of his throat and spills down his chin. You’re fairly sure that if you left him much longer, he’d die. Which would be bad. Very bad. You don’t want to go to prison for murder. With a flick of your wand the curse lifts and Lestrange stops coughing up blood. You stalk over to him, anger and adrenaline making you reckless, “If you ever try to touch me again, I swear I will do so much worse. Do you understand, Lestrange?” You hiss, your wand digging into the hollow of his throat. He nods, still pale, still shaken, still scared. “Don’t tell anyone about this - stupid little muggleborn like me? Compared to your fucking pedigree? No one would believe you.”

Over his shoulder, something shifts in the shadows. You take a step back from Lestrange and let out a shaky breath. He gathers himself, schools his expression into one of disdain and quickly retreats back to the safety of the Slytherin common room. Now that you’re alone, the weight of what you’ve done hits you. You’d hurt him… Hell, you could’ve killed him. You sink slowly to the floor and stare blankly in front of you, unable, or perhaps unwilling, to think about the gravity of your actions. Adrenaline bleeds out of you and you have to choke back a sob. Regardless of what you’d said to Lestrange, you know that if he so much as breathes a word of what transpired you’d be facing expulsion. Probably worse.

“Scourgify,” A smooth, calm voice interrupts your panicking and you snap your head around to stare up at Tom Riddle who is currently cleaning up the trail of blood Lestrange left in his escape. He tucks his wand away and turns to meet your gaze, one brow arched. He doesn’t look angry, or even particularly concerned is the thing. He looks like he’s considering something. Thoughtful, interested. “That was quite the performance,” He says at last and walks over to you, his shoes tap tap tapping against the stone floor. “I think I’d like an explanation.”

You don’t get up from the floor. Resignation sits uncomfortably on your shoulders, the weight of your disappearing future hanging heavily over your head. Head Boy Tom Riddle is your judge, jury, and executioner. “Do you really need one? You saw what I did.” You mutter, unable to look at him as something like shame curls up your spine.

He sighs and then, as though he’s explaining something very simple to a small child, he says, “I didn’t say I needed an explanation. I said I wanted one.” You chance a glance at him then and find yourself fixed under the weight of his scrutiny. When you still don’t say anything, he sighs again and this time you can detect a hint of impatience. “Or perhaps you’d prefer to explain this to the Head Master?”

“No!” You yelp, unable to stop the hint of hysteria from creeping into your voice. He hums approvingly and you’re not sure why, but you start to believe that maybe you’re not going to get into trouble. “I just… Lestrange started it.” You gesture to your shoulder which is still aching, the fabric of your shirt is slashed open where the curse hit you revealing a nasty burn across your shoulder and collarbone. “I’m not helpless. I’m not going to just… not defend myself because he thinks he’s better than me.” 

There’s a tense moment where neither of you speaks. Riddle’s gaze is impossibly intense, his eyes flicker from the burn to your face to your wand and you can’t look away. From your position, he towers over you and you think you should be afraid but somehow you can’t will the emotion into existence. After what feels like an age, Riddle takes his wand and murmurs something under his breath. A pleasant coolness wraps around around your shoulder and the pain recedes and the burn mark melts, leaving smooth clear skin in its place.

He offers you a hand. You’re a little surprised by how delicate his hands look. Pristine pale skin stretched over piano players fingers. He’s wearing a gold and onyx ring on his ring finger. It looks antique; strangely it suits him. As though he was born to wear that ring. You take his hand and he pulls you up in one fluid motion, a display of strength that you’re not sure why shocks you. His skin is cool and the way he holds your hand and doesn’t let go even when you’ve found your footing sends fission of something down your spine, pooling in your stomach.

 “Allow me to walk you back to your common room,” He says and begins to lead you down the hall. He still hasn’t let go of your hand. “What spell did you use?” He questions after a few moments of silence and you can practically hear the wheels turning in his mind as he considers you as though he’s truly seeing you for the first time. “I didn’t recognise it.”

Despite yourself, pride twists in your chest. “You wouldn’t have,” You say simply. “I invented it.” At this, Riddle’s eyes widen briefly before he dispels the shock from his face and regards your guarded curiosity. At his prompting, you explain what the spell does. “It’s designed to drain the blood from the victim. Ideally, they wouldn’t start coughing up blood, but I’ve never used it before so I guess there’s room for improvement.” 

To your surprise, he laughs. It’s not the polite hum of mild amusement you sometimes hear him make in front of professors, it’s surprisingly high pitched, light, melodic. “This is your main concern? That it didn’t work exactly as intended? Not the fact that you almost killed the heir to one of the most respected pureblood families in Britain?” He must sense the sudden flood of panic and worry that washes over you because he glances sideways at you, a small, oddly reassuring smile curling his lips. “Lestrange won’t breathe a word unless I tell him to. And I think this might be a secret best kept between us, don’t you?” He smiles down at you and you could maybe believe that he’s just being immeasurably kind if it weren’t for the dangerous glint in his eyes and the way his hand tightens around yours. It’s a warning, maybe. It feels like a promise.

Riddle walks you the rest of the way to your common in silence and you’re painfully aware of how close he stands when he finally comes to a halt. You can feel the heat radiating from him, the weight of his hand around yours, the light puff of an exhalation against your cheek as he leans down and murmurs in your ear, “I think we’ll be seeing a lot more of each other from now on.” He raises your hand between the two of you and grazes your knuckles with his thumb. It’s an oddly tender gesture. “Good night.”

You stand there, alone in the corridor, for several minutes after he leaves, wondering just what in the hell you’ve gotten yourself into.

(part 1) (part 2) (part 3) (part 4)

[rivers-rambles21]

The one with the marathon

Part 7 of The one where Bucky has a cute neigbour series!

Pairing: Bucky Barnes X Reader (f)

Summary | Reader and Bucky become friends after he saves her from  a creep in their apartment building. Each chapter explores a different  point in their friendship - very slow burn!

Warnings | 18+ only, Smut in later chapters (this is a slow burn), swearing, unprotected sex, oral sex, (later chapters)

Mentions of PMS in this chapter! I’ve also given Y/N a couple of interests to add a bit more to the story to help it progress

Will include elements of TFATWS in later chapters

Chapter 7 |Chapter 6 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 1 | Masterlist

You’d been doing your best to dodge Bucky as soon as you felt your body's usual symptoms start to develop. It started as it always did with feeling bloated before the short temperedness set in. Bucky was sweet and kind and he didn’t deserve to be on the receiving end of your temper so you opted out of your usual Friday night pizza with him, giving the excuse of being called into work which he accepted with disappointment. 

Saturday morning came and as usual, painkillers did nothing to soothe the ache in your lower gut. Traipsing into your kitchen, you filled the kettle up with water before putting it on the hob and started to root around for your hot water bottle whilst you waited for the water to boil. 

A knock on your door interrupted your hunt and rather reluctantly, you made your way over to the door, unbothered by your sleepwear attire. 

Swinging the door open, you instantly regretted not ignoring it. 

“Hey doll” 

It was upsetting seeing Bucky look so good on a morning when you felt so rotten. Even worse, you were fully aware of how you currently looked - unbrushed hair, no make up and Bucky’s t-shirt which only just covered the tops of your thighs. Self consciously, you eased the door closed a little bit and shielded your body from view. 

“Hi Bucky, what’s up?” You asked, trying to sound as casual as possible. 

“Can I come in?” He asked, tilting his head to the side as he tried to catch more of a glimpse of you. 

“Now’s not a great time…” You grumbled, feeling guilty as you saw the smile drop from his face. 

“Are you avoiding me?” The words rushed out of his mouth before he had time to stop them. 

Taken aback by his forwardness, you paused for a moment, your jaw opening and closing as you didn’t quite know how to respond. “I’m sorry, you don’t owe me an explanation. It’s just I heard you in your apartment last night crying but you said you were at work and I was worried-” 

He started to ramble as he panicked he’d overstepped the mark so you swiftly cut him off. “Don’t be, you’re right, I have been avoiding you.” 

“....oh” Bucky's eyes shot down to the floor as he nodded his head. Your admission cut deep and every insecurity Bucky felt rushed to the surface as he processed your words. “I thought-” he started but not quite knowing how to finish his sentence.

You cursed your inability to think before speaking as you reached out towards him, no longer caring about your appearance as you took his metal hand in yours. “It’s nothing you did, I’m just not myself at the moment, I’m not exactly great to be around when it's my time” You emphasised the last bit, hoping he’d get the hint without having to spell it out. 

You were wrong. 

Bucky lifted his head and looked back at you, confusion etched across his handsome features. “You’ve lost me” 

“Remember how you got that scar on the back of your head?” 

“Yeah my sister threw a book at me” 

“Uhuh, and do you remember why she did that?” 

“I ate the biscuits she saved for when she- oh!” It suddenly hit Bucky as to what you’d been hinting at and suddenly he felt like the world’s biggest idiot. 

“Safe to say me and your sister have the monthly mood swings in common” You joked, trying to lighten the mood.

“Well...um… if you need me, you know where I am” 

“Thanks Buck” You smiled up at him and tried not to swoon on the spot as he leant towards you, his lips pressing against your forehead, gently kissing you as he cradled the back of your head with his hand. 

His thumb stroked the back of your neck as his lips left your skin, sending shivers down your spine. 

“I’m sorry for avoiding you, I thought I was saving you” 

“Trust me, I’ve survived worse” He joked, tucking one of your many stray hairs behind your ear. It suddenly dawned on you what your current state of attire was and you hastily tried to flatten your hair and pull the t-shirt down to cover more of your bare legs. 

Bucky tried his best to avert his eyes from your state of undress, not having taking note of how you donned his t-shirt beforehand, too focused on your wellbeing but he found himself failing miserably. You were too cute with your bed head hair sticking up in random places and slightly dark eyes where you’d not completely removed yesterday's mascara. And then there was his t-shirt. Fuck - he’d nearly lost it when you’d warn it the night you’d gotten locked out of your apartment but thankfully your legs were covered. But now? It was driving him mad seeing inch upon inch of bare skin, his t-shirt barely covering your underwear. He wanted nothing more than to shove you against the wall and run his hands over your impossibly soft skin. 

The sound of your kettle boiling over snapped him out of it and he watched as you darted over to the kitchen, leaving him standing in the doorway, facing away from you as he was positive he’d be able to see your ass as you walked. 

“I’ll come back doll” 

Before you had a chance to respond, he’d already closed your door behind him. 

Hastily, you made up your hot water bottle and quickly jumped into the shower, unsure as to when he would return. 

Half an hour later, Bucky was back at your door, grocery bag in hand. “I’ve brought you a few things for... y’know.” 

Opening your door wide for him, you chuckled at his awkwardness and gestured for him to come in. “You really didn’t need to-are those Peanut Buttercups?!” Rushing towards him you grabbed the bag out of his hands and began rummaging through his purchases. 

Laughing at your response he left you to it as he hung up his jacket next to yours as he usually did and took up his spot on your couch. 

“I remember what Rebecca was like and figured you might appreciate a bit of sugar.” 

You could only moan in response as you devoured your chocolate treat. Grabbing your hot water bottle from the side table, you made your way over to the couch and sank into the seat next to Bucky, resting your head against his shoulder. 

“Any plans for today?” You asked, holding up the last bite of your candy bar. 

“Nope” Leaning forward, he took the chocolate from you using his teeth as he finished it off.

“Then you’re in for a treat” You sunk deeper into the sofa as he lifted his arm up, resting it along the top of the couch cushion, letting you lean further into him. Bucky also took the opportunity to pull the blanket from the couch down onto you, tucking you into his side. 

To say Bucky was excited when you told him there were sequels to The Hobbit would be an understatement. For him to then find out they were turned into movies was almost too much.

He was in heaven. He was watching Middle Earth come to life, just how he imagined it would be whilst cuddled up against his favourite girl. 

He wished it could be like this all the time, when he was with you the memories of who he was before subsided, along with all the guilt and shame. Even when he was in Wakanda, he hadn’t dared to dream of having any sort of normal life, he’d accepted it just wasn’t on the cards for him. That he’d always be alone. 

When Steve left, that only solidified his belief that he was destined to be alone. Part of him was okay with that, this way he wouldn’t hurt anyone ever again. But the other part of him, the part that even Hydra couldn’t wipe out, longed for a companion, whether it be platonic or romantic.

Finding you was a miracle. You were so carefree, so honest, open and kind. You put up with his old fashioned ways, you didn’t make fun of his odd quirks or question why sometimes he needed to just be on his own. You both also had a lot in common, you both enjoyed modern technology and sciences and often found yourselves watching documentaries and educational pieces on TV together. Bucky was also delighted to learn you were obsessed with motorcycles and was planning a road trip for you both for when you next had some time off work - a surprise he was having a hard time hiding from you. 

Half way through the first film he felt you nodding off, having come down from the sudden sugar intake. Pulling you tighter against him, he kissed your head and lowered the volume on the TV, not wanting to wake you. 

As the second film started, you stirred awake, the cramps returning with a vengeance. As you opened your eyes you realised you’d snuggled into Bucky, nuzzling into his chest, leaving a small amount of drool on his black t-shirt. Jolting backwards, you hastily wiped your mouth and tore yourself from his arms in embarrassment. 

Bucky’s eyes hadn’t strayed from the TV as he remained completely emerged in Middle Earth. 

“Sorry I didn’t realise-”

He quickly shushed you as he continued watching the film. However he did miss your warmth and spread his arms wide, inviting you back into your previous position. “C’mere” 

Trying not to read too much into it, you smiled and sank back into his arms, sighing as they wrapped around you, his right hand resting over your stomach, soothing your cramps. 

It was well into the night when you finished your movie marathon, both of you enjoying every minute. You knew friends didn’t cuddle - not like this. They didn’t make your heart race like Bucky did. They didn’t make butterflies erupt in your stomach every time they so much as looked at you. 

You were in trouble.

[wizkiddx]

the worst case scenario 2

i did decide to make this a little parter thing, but really want to be as sensitive as poss (honestly using this as a sort of therapy for what I see myself ah). So please   do not read if anything in the warnings may trigger. I very much am not trying to ‘romanticise’ these sorts of situations in any way but also be aware medically this is NOT accurate.This part is short but I think there will be more.

warnings: hospital - ICU, respirators / mention of death , maternal mortality / talk of family dynamics and abandonment of a child

[previous part]

The sight Nikki walked into is something that as a parent you never want to see. Walking into this cold and otherwise empty ‘relatives room’ to see her son collapsed in a world of pain onto his best mates chest. Tom was too busy sobbing to even notice her entrance but her and  Harrison instantly locked eyes . Not even able to muster up a greeting smile, Harrison just nodded her in, admitting her entrance to the most horrific situation. 

It was about half an hour since she had been texting Haz, arranging when they’d be able to come and visit the newborn in hospital or whether it would be better to just wait till the new family got settled back at home, when Nikki had got a call from Tom’s number. With an excited grin she had instantly whipped her phone off the kitchen counter within one ring- a facial expression that didn’t last long at all. 

Met with the distant sound of crying first, Harrison’s deeper voice then emitted itself from her phones speaker, alerting her to the fact everything was very not right. He’d asked her to come to the hospital, said it was Y/n, that the baby was fine and then hung up. Dom immediately agreed to come with her but right now he was still parking the car, having dropped Nikki off right at the front. It had sounded that bad. 

Now, she knelt down infront of Haz and Tom, the latter who still was leaning over the arm rest and currently silently crying into his friends chest. Haz didn’t miss Nikki’s hands shaking as she reached out and rubbed up and down her sons back, the action prompting him to suddenly lean up to face her. He was broken. Totally and completely broken. Wordlessly, Nikki looked up for a second, communicating with Harrison so as if rehearsed he stood up and Nikki took his place in the chair - giving him a break from being Tom’s support. Beyond appreciative of how well Nikki could read a situation, Haz quietly but still in a hurried fashion made his way to the door. 

Because he was about to crack too - Tom couldn’t see him like that, not right now at least. And so his legs, completely of their own volition, carried him down the hallways. He had absolutely no idea what time it was, all sense of time passing had completely been thrown off earlier in the morning. He was oblivious to a lot, very much in his own thoughts and only realised where he had ended up when a nurse he vaguely recognised managed to garner his attention. 

“You’re here for baby Holland? She’s just round here.”

“I-“ He couldn’t respond but the nurse just nodded and then started off down the hallway, practically forcing the blonde to follow a couple of meters till they got to a perspex viewing window. 

“She’s the little cutie in the far corner over there.” The brunette middle aged lady softly spoke as she pointed through the glass to the incubator in the corner. “ Don’t worry about all the equipment, the doctors already come round and cleared her. She’s good to go home when you guys are…are ready.” Her words had trailed off, Harrison guessed she didn’t know how to phrase the current ‘situation’ Tom and Y/n were in either. After a couple of moments, the nurse placed a gentle hand on Harrison’s shoulder, giving it a squeeze. “You want to have a cuddle? I know your not dad but…”

“Yeh-yeh…please.” 

Harrison just felt awful. The little girl was barely hours into life and yet she wasn’t receiving nearly as much as love as she should be. Instead unnamed and alone in a cold and clinical setting. So he silently nodded away, taking in all the instructions the nurse gave as she sat him down in the arm chair next to the incubator. 

Once she placed the little blanket wrapped bundle in his arms the nurse smiled gently up at Haz “You want to feed her? I’m sure she’d prefer it from you than me love?” Ah. Now Haz really was stuck between a rock and a hard place. She’d never been given a feed before - except presumably the midwifes. 

“I-uh Y/n hasn’t even  so I probably shouldn’t…”

“I can promise you Miss Y/l/n would probably want her baby to be cared for by someone that loves her and that Miss Y/l/n trusts herself.” Ooof. How were nurses so intuitive? She literally read his mind and broken down all the ill-founded ideas Harrison had built up. 

“I’m not her Dad.”

“But you care.” Looking down once and briefly at the squished little face that wormed herself into Harrisons broad chest a little more, he then immediately nodded in agreement. Looking almost relieved, the nurse handed him a bottle and directed him as to how to hold it. After mere moments she gasped happily, leaning back whilst the blonde boy waited for her input. 

“She’s latched on easy peasy. You’re doing great, I can leave you to it if you want - I’ll only be round the corner.”

“Can you check if there’s any news on Y/n?” The kind lady nodded, before promptly exiting the room - leaving the two actually alone for the first time ever. 

He didn’t even think about it, whilst Haz cradled her in one arm and held the bottle up at the angle shown by the nurse, he quietly spoke to the little bundle. 

“I’m sorry you were lonely… your mum and dad love you lots and lots… we all do.” Not realising he was crying, Harrison almost scared himself when a single strangled and repressed sob escaped from his chest. “ You’re mum…. She’s a pain in the arse right?” Haz laughed a little wetly “ She’s sarky as hell and she always has an answer… you’d probably think she’s a badass… she is. And-and…. Your dad is just scared… He loves you I promise, he just… he’s worried about you mum.” Now there was actual tears welling up and overflowing his lower lash line, not matter how much he tried to blink them away. “But whatever… whatever happens. You got all of us kiddo… you got me.”

Jolted out of his thoughts by the ladies knuckles rapping twice on the door, Harrison immediately shook himself out of it, wiping his face on his arm to hopefully remove all the evidence of the slight emotional breakdown. 

“Mr Osterfield… the doctor wanted me to let you know he’s on his way to talk to Mr Holland.”

||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||

Harrison managed to get back to Tom, Nikki and now Dom before Dr Webber returned, so with a greeting nod to Dom he too took a seat opposite Nikki and Tom. His best mate wasn’t crying anymore, which could be considered a positive were it not for the sinisterly empty look in his eye. He looked almost robotic, staring almost straight ahead at the light grey wall, sat straight and rigidly except for his one hand clasped in Nikki’s. 

“You went to see the baby?” Nikki broke the silence, making Harrison smile sadly over at her with a nod. It didn’t even look as though Tpm heard his mum speak, even if he was sat right next to her. “She’s okay?”

“Yeh…I gave her a bottle. She-she’s very cute.” Harrison could see Nikki’s face morph into one of kindness before she looked left toward her son. Nikki was still yet to see to unnamed girl but just thinking about her made her heart flutter. And then stop when she thought about what that little girl was already going through, barely hours into existence. 

“You hear that Tom? Maybe you could go down and see her soon? After we’ve spoken to the doctor?” Nikki was only trying to do the best thing, Harrison knew it and deep down Tom did know it too. But now really really wasn’t the time for some gently encouragement from his mother, it wasn’t just Tom being a little stubborn. This was his whole entire world falling apart around him. He didnt have the energy or focus to even shoot down his mother, instead Tom chose to stay completely still - engrossed in his own thoughts. 

From the outset, when you take that leap and say to a person ‘I think we should try for kids now’ you are completely putting yourself at the mercy of the other. But when they agree? Then it’s a commitment. Not it the same way marriage is - because that’s a completely selfish gesture, you get married because YOU want to be married to each other. Rather, agreeing to have a kid is a promise, a promise of something more. Promising that you are bringing this life into the world - and half of that life is yours. You create it together and it becomes a joint responsibility. You can never, no matter what people think, ever stop being a parent. At the end of it all there will be another person that knows, scientifically, it is half you. Even if they never met you - they still ‘knew’ you. They would know you had to exist, they would see things in themselves that cannot be explained rather than the influence of their creator. 

And sure, it didn’t always work out that way. A parent would up and leave, a child always with questions and a sense of betrayal. But that child… they know you. Because there is half of you in them. 

So it was Y/n and Tom together that was slumbering blissfully on a ward downstairs. That was the scary thing. Tom was so sure he didn’t have it in him. He  wouldn’t do this without her. He couldn’t be a dad to a baby without a mum. He couldn’t be a parent without Y/n. 

Almost thankfully for the atmosphere in the room, a soft know had them all snatching their heads up the very same grey slightly potato like doctor waddled in, this time followed by 2 others; a tall, dark haired woman with a soft and empathetic smile; then another man but this one tall and slender, unlike the other two who were wearing professional clothes, he was donned in scrubs (with the scrub hate too).

“Mr Holland and uh… family” Dr Webber awkwardly greeted the new arrivals of Nikki and Dom, somehow apparently sensing they were Tom’s and not Y/n’s parents who were hours away. Oh fuck, Tom hadn’t even phoned them yet. 

“This is Dr Alison Goodwell and then Dr Rohan Avinash, he is Y/n’s surgeon.” They filed in and took seats surrounding them, Dom and Harrison standing up to stand off to the side, not wanting to get in the way of the doctors. All Tom could do though was overanalyse everything. Why was the surgeon here? What was this other lady doing here? A  pathologist? — no, he wasn’t going to think like that. Then the taller and most scary looking of the three inched forward, commanding the attention of the whole room.

“Mr Holland, I just wanted to go over what happened. Ms Y/l/n developed plactental accreta, which was the cause of the what we call here a post partum haemorrhage. When you raised the alarm she had already lost, at best guess, 3 pints of blood which is a lot, there’s no denying. Dr Webber and his team quickly brought her up to my team in surgery. We transfused her with blood but we couldn’t stabilise her and the bleeding didn’t show any signs of stopping so we had to perform emergency surgery….” Dr Avinash slowed down as he took in how close Tom looked to bursting out in tears once again, offering him the chance to have a moment to collect himself. Vehemently shaking his head in refusal, Tom crung his hands together furiously. He just needed to know. “Okay… Now the nature of the surgery, because we had to be so quick…it is quite invasive and is a lot of stress to put on anyones body. That and the amount of blood she had already lost makes the situation very dangerous. Sometimes when this happens a persons heart-“ Tom’s breath halted in his throat at the mention of her heart, Harrison sharing the bleak trigger which made him shift uncomfortable between his two feet. “-notices this, it goes into what we call hypovoloemic shock, this just basically means its not getting enough volume of blood to pump properly. So we have had to stimulate Ms Y/l/n’s heart with electricity to keep it pumping-“

“You shocked her?” He felt so numb and now adrenalin was coursing through his own veins, images like you see on TV shows of her body arching up not he table from the volts of electricity.

“I’m afraid we did have to but it meant we could keep her stable enough to fix the bleed. I am sorry to say this but we’ve had to remove her whole womb because it was so damaged.”

“But Y/n?” Again Harrison lost all willpower of control, though to be fair he wasn’t sure if he was being impatient or not -  this doctor appeared to be delivering this news painfully slowly, as if to torture everyone as much as possible.

“Your fiancé lost a lot of blood and her body went through a lot” The towering doctor kept his focus on Tom the whole time, Harrison’s interjection seemingly falling on selectively deaf ears. “We’ve had to use a machine to control her breathing  and for the moment she is still in a very dangerous place. Right now she is stable but I don’t want to make any promises to you. We are nowhere close to out of the woods yet.” Seemingly, feeling compelled to add in, the brunette doctor spoke for the first time since entering.

“But it’s still one hurdle she has got through… Now that the surgeons are finished with Ms Y/l/n me and the other intensive care doctors will be keeping a very close eye on her okay? We are all going to be working with you and your family 24/7, to keep Y/n as comfortable as possible.” Her soft smile managed to somehow break through to Tom, who jerkily nodded while Nikki squeezed his hand tight. There had been a lot of that going on  today and even if Tom would say he wished nothing more that it was Y/n rather than his mums grip - he still appreciated it. The doctor continued, leaning forward so her elbows were resting on the tops of her thighs. “Right now she’s asleep and probably will be for quite a while. We first want to be sure she’s not in any pain, so she is sedated. Now assuming everything goes okay tonight and she stays stable we might want to think about possibly reducing that sedation, however for right now I hope you are all in agreement that we just want to make sure she’s comfortable?” The whole room nodded steadily in response which the doctor acknowledged with a satisfied smile. 

“And we are all aware this is a lot to take in so if you have any questions or think of any please just let us know - it’s important that you guys are all fully in the know… How is your daughter?” Dr Webber started off so well, Tom was almost going to smile thankfully at him, until he mentioned it. Instantly, the cold and empty look reappeared behind Tom’s eyes as the room was held in silence for long enough to be uncomfortable. To be fair, the doctor wasn’t to know that recently Tom had taken to refusing to acknowledge he even had a child. 

“I-she’s really good… the nurse there said she’s ready to leave whenever” Harrison had to show that at least someone was looking out for her, he couldn’t not. 

“Okay” sharing a knowing look with Harrison, Dr Webber pitifully clasped his hands together, before looking back to Tom. “Would you like Dr Alison take you up to see her, sir?” 

again pls let me know if anyone is very not okay with this, i can take it down and not write any more!

[ladylouoflothlorien]

Can i ask for a comfort about Dwalin noticing on reader's wrists scars (shes from our world and she showed by accident her arms). He asks what he was fighting with and she answers that she was fighting with her own mind. It can take place by some waterfall hence taking off the long sleeved shirt and being caught off guard. The reader is young and Dwalin is really proud that she was so strong to face herself, her own demons

Here it is anon! It’s not exactly the same as the prompt because the characters sort of told me what to do in the scenario, either way I hope you enjoy it!

Cope with me

word count: 1396 trigger warning: mentions of self harm, alcoholism/alcohol abuse, unhealthy coping mechanisms

Please please please do not read this fic if you think this will trigger you.

Whenever you’d dreamt about being in middle earth and joining The Company on their quest, one of the things that had never really occurred to you to think about was the lack of basic sanitary facilities that would be available on the journey. Since you’d somehow become part of the story however, it was something you thought about nearly constantly, and openly complained about almost as often. That being said, when The Company ended up camped close to a waterfall for the night, it was an opportunity to get clear that you weren’t going to miss.

Once everyone was settled and the camp was set up, you’d wasted no time grabbing the small bar of soap you’d pilfered in Rivendell and made your way over to the waterfall, though not without yelling behind you.

“Don’t even think about following me!”

You didn’t want any of them seeing you naked on accident - or on purpose for that matter.

Luckily, you managed to find a relatively dry, flat rock on the bank of the river that flowed from the base of the waterfall and this was - you decided - as good a place as any to put your clothes whilst you bathed. It was unfortunate that you couldn’t clean the clothes as well, but you didn’t have any others. If you got them wet you’d be shivering for the rest of the night.

The light was fading quickly, and with it the remaining warmth of the day. The faster you got into the water and got clean, the less frigid the air would be when you had to drag yourself out of the water. With that in mind, you set about tugging off the thick, long-sleeved sweater you were wearing and tried to ignore the way the chill breeze bit at the newly exposed skin.

Back at the camp, Thorin shared a glance with Dwalin before including his head in the direction of the waterfall.

“Follow her. It’s not safe to be alone, not for any of us.”

The warrior grumbled slightly under his breath, but he was already getting up off of his makeshift seat.

“Why not send one of yer nephews to babysit?”

Thorin shook his head slightly, and though he didn’t exactly smile Dwalin could see the way his amusement crinkled at the edges of his eyes.

“It wouldn’t be fair to her, Dwalin. They’re young, no doubt they’d try to get an eyeful of something they shouldn’t.”

You’d just managed to get the sweater part way over your head when you heard the sound of a stick breaking not too far behind you. You whirled around, trying to see what had made the noise, but your vision was almost entirely obscured by the fabric of your sweater.

“Who’s there?”

You were quite impressed that your voice didn’t shake even a little as you spoke.

“Easy lass, it’s just me.”

“Oh, Dwalin… Wait, why did you follow me? I told everyone not to follow me.”

“Thorin doesn’t think it’s safe.”

“Oh, ok well that does make a lot of sense. I didn’t even think about that. So what, you’re just going to guard me whilst I bathe? You better keep your back to me the whole time.”

Still buzzing with adrenaline from the threat - or imagined threat - of danger, you shucked off your sweater and set about folding it nearly without even thinking of the fact that you would be exposing your bare arms to the gruff Dwarf.

“Because you know, if I catch you even thinking about trying to peak at me I’ll-”

You glanced up and stopped talking suddenly when you saw the expression on his face. He was frowning, staring intensely at your arms. You blinked, confused, and then felt your stomach drop.

“Well shit.”

You’d been so careful up to that point not to show anyone your scars. It wasn’t that you were ashamed of them - well, maybe it was a little that, but more so you just hadn’t been ready to have to explain them to anyone. It was deeply personal, and it wasn’t ever a nice conversation to have. Dwalin’s frown deepened. His eyebrows were so deeply furrowed that it made you want to pole the line that formed between them.

“We were all thinking ye’ weren’t a fighter, lass.”

It was your turn to frown. You looked away from his face suddenly, and crossed your arms in front of yourself. Your hands gripped your forearms, palms laying flat over the most obvious of the scars as if somehow hiding them from his view could take back the fact that he’d already seen them.

“That… It’s not… They’re not…”

You pursed your lips and huffed, annoyed that you didn’t have some pre-prepared speech for such a situation. Sure, maybe that would be a little weird, but it sure would be helpful.

“You were right, I’m not a fighter. I didn’t get these from any fight.”

His expression darkened.

“Did someone hurt ye?”

His fingers twitched slightly, you only just caught the movement. You wondered absently if he was imagining driving his axe through the skull of anyone who would harm a defenceless little girl - you were sure that was how he saw you.

“Well… not exactly.” You shrugged. “I um, I made these myself.”

You watched as his expression cleared somewhat, but then you saw the beginning of understanding dawn on his face and it seemed to darken once again. You swallowed thickly in an attempt to keep your emotions in check. After a moment, you heard Dwalin clear his throat before he attempted speaking again, his tone careful.

“Surely yer no’ tha’ clumsy lass.”

One deep breath, and then…

“You’re right, I’m not. I did these” your hands let go of your forearms and gestured back to them vaguely “myself. On purpose.”

Silence fell, and you wondered if Dwalin would have any idea how to deal with this new information. The silence stretched almost to the point of being unbearable, but then you heard him clear his throat again and he began to speak.

“After Azanulbizar, I drank. A lot.”

His voice softened almost to a whisper. You didn’t think you’d ever heard him speak so softly.

“Far too much. It was far from healthy, but sometimes unhealthy things are all we think we have to cope wi’ the pain.”

You looked back at him again, looking him straight in the eyes and you saw understanding there. You only realised you were crying when you felt a drop of water fall onto your arm and you looked down at it. You weren’t sure if you were crying for yourself or Dwalin, but you nodded at what he was saying all the same.

“When you feel like you’re drowning you’ll take any coping mechanisms, even the shitty ones I guess.”

He moved so quietly you didn’t notice that he’d gotten closer until he was wrapping his arms around you and pulling you into a tight hug. It was only when you were pressed to him that you even realised you were shivering slightly. Dwalin let you cry until the tears naturally began to peeter out and you wriggled an arm free from his hold so you could rub at your eyes. He silently offered you a handkerchief, which you gratefully took. Still, there was one more thing you wanted to say.

“I don’t… I haven’t made a new one in a long time. I promised I wouldn’t.”

“Aye lass, I can tell the difference between old wounds and fresh.”

He took a step back, seemingly assessing you before he replied.

“I don’t drink anymore. No’ a drop. Only Balin and Thorin know. I will no’ tell anyone, ye’ have my word.”

You let out a breath you didn’t realise you’d been holding, and you were so relieved that you even managed a watery smile. He seemed pleased.

“Have yer wash lass, I’ll keep guard an’ I’ll keep my eyes where they belong as well.” You did and, true to his word, Dwalin didn’t try to peek at you once. When you were done, dressed again and only shivering because of the cold, Dwalin wrapped his cloak around your shoulders and led you back to camp. If you spent the rest of the evening all but glued to his side, well, that was no one’s business but yours and his.

The End. Notes: Azanulbizar is the battle in which Dwalin & Balin’s father Fundin was slain.

[lovingrosewho]

Flunked

Hii so, as some of you may guess by the summary, one of my teachers failed me in a project in which I put a lot of effort in:( I had to take my anger out writing this haha, I hope you like it, as usual, any feedback or suggestions are well received! English is not my first language, etc. Enjoy!

ONE SHOT

Pairing: Crowley x Reader

Rating: T.- Fluff

Word count: 2.1k words

Summary: Crowley finds you crying in your room because you failed a really important test

Warnings: mentions of sex, curse words, protective!Dean which of course counts as a warning

You had been taken under the Winchesters wing for a while now, they agreed to share the bunker with you as long as you didn’t drop out of school after that wendigo hunt that had left so many scars, physical and emotional. They had warned you about the dangers of being a hunter and how it would eventually kill you and the ones you loved around you if you decided to take it up as a job. They kind of saw you as the little sister they never had, to be protected at all costs...

But when it got to the King of Hell, well, that was a whole other story.

Crowley had been around you a few times, the boys did not want him anywhere near you, had it been for them they would’ve put up a 12 feet round salt circle with you in it, but of course you would’ve argued.

You didn’t see the King of Hell as a threat, you even found him charming. His witty comments mocking Sam and Dean made you laugh in silence more times than you could count, his confident stand and even the pace of his steps made your insides nervous, ticklish. When he was around, he’d salute you with a slight tilt from his head and a “Kitten”. Nickname which would make the Winchesters roll their eyes and tell him to focus with, frankly, nearly not any manners.

The first time you talked with him properly, even though the boys were around, was kind of cute. You were helping them with some research and he went to stand by you, eyeing whatever you were reading, you had to suppress a laugh at how his eyes squinted trying to read the tiny letters.

“Something funny, Pet?” he asked you, a hidden, smug smirk in his lips. Sam and Dean gave each other a look, which shifted to Crowley afterwards.

“No, no, nothing” you assured him smiling, returning your gaze to your book “I’m guessing this snooping around is due to boredom, your Majesty?”

Crowley now grinned notably whilst Dean’s head snapped back at you.

“What did you just call him?” the eldest Winchester asked quite annoyed, but you dismissed him anyways.

“How’s hell, Crowley?” you said turning to him, ignoring Dean’s question and Sam’s glance at you.

“It’s okay Squirrel, I think (Y/N) here can take care of herself just fine” he said without taking his eyes off of yours and winking “Hell’s fine, by the way. Sweet, boring hell, which I should be getting back to right now, I hope by next time I drop by you’ll actually have something to show me”.

His eyes flew to Dean’s flared face with annoyance, then Sam’s and finally they fell back at you.

“I’ll be seeing you around, Kitten” and with this he vanished.

After that, Dean had scolded you, repeated once again what Crowley was capable of and how you shouldn’t be joking around with him. You shrugged it off just like Sam did, because nor him nor his brother were able to keep Crowley at bay with you after that. He’d drop by even more than he did before, and most of the times his words were directed at you, not the boys, talking about Hell, hunts, and overall non-important stuff. The Winchesters finally gave up and had to deal with the fact that, inevitably, you and the King of Hell were close.

A few months passed since your first little chat with Crowley, Dean insisted in scoffing and rolling his eyes every time he made a flirty move on you, Sam just smiled, guessing you probably had a thing going on for him as well.

Things stayed that way until the last term of the semester started, then you were buried underneath books, essays and projects. You still talked on the phone with Crowley at least once a week, but seeing each other personally was nearly impossible, he did not want to distract you.

When he was sure you were just days far from finishing school, he appeared at the bunker with the classical “Hello boys”, scanning the library, but you were nowhere to be seen.

“Looking for something?” Dean mocked, which caused Crowley to gave him a boring look.

“Very funny, Squirrel. You know bloody well who I’m looking for and I don’t see her in this room” he answered giving them a sarcastic look.

“Now’s not a good time Crowley” Sam affirmed without looking up from his laptop.

“Whatever do you mean, Moose? I’ve been told (Y/N) is almost finished with the semester, she should have less deadlines now” he argues when Dean interrupts.

“She failed a test and she has been... moody, the whole day, I wouldn’t even touch her if I were you, hell, I wouldn’t even go near her” he suggests winking at him. Crowley grunts at his, yet again, unsuccessful attempt to keep him far away from you.

“That’s because you two morons don’t know how to talk to her, I’ll just go to her room” he says beginning to walk, causing Sam to stop paying attention to his laptop and instead getting up all of a sudden along with Dean, who’s decided to stop Crowley.

“Wow wow wow, you’re not going into (Y/N)’s room” Dean declares laying a hand on Crowley’s chest so he doesn’t make another move “You’ve never been to her room”.

Crowley removes Dean’s hand with visible disgust.

“Oh Dean, I thought we were past the whole ‘Stay the hell away from (Y/N)’ deal. Listen Squirrel, if you don’t let me see how (Y/N)’s doing, I’ll just zap myself over there, understood?” he demands, and Dean is about to say something when Sam interrupts.

“Dean... maybe he’ll be able to cheer her up” he encourages timidly.

“What? Oh so you’re on his side now?” Dean reclames and Crowley can’t help but roll his eyes, snap his fingers and there he is, inside your room, standing in front of you.

You are laying flat on the bed when the unexpected smell of sulfur, whiskey and citrus invades your nostrils and makes you smile slightly.

“Crowley” you greet him lifting from your bed, inviting him to sit at the edge of it.

“Hello, darling” he says smiling back and accepting your offer of taking a seat next to you. When he gets closer he notices your swollen, red eyes “Have you been crying, Pet?”

You avert your sight and say nothing.

“Pet?” Crowley prompts “Are you alright?”

“Yeah” you lie “It’s nothing really, just some stupid test”.

“It’s not ‘stupid’ if it’s important to you. What is it? I know you. You can’t tell me you forgot to study or something like that”.

“I didn’t! I-“ your voice cracks again and you have to clear your throat to keep speaking “Of course I didn’t forget. I studied. Hard. But my professor said that ‘my answers weren’t clear enough’ which I totally disagree and I... I just find it unfair”.

“Huh” he says listening to you ramble whilst he gets up and starts walking in circles around your room. You glance at him and see his thoughtful look “Perhaps we could arrange an appointment between your teacher and my hellhounds”.

You laugh lightly and shake your head.

“Whatever it’s... it’s fine, I suppose the boys told you” you say “Guess now I’ll just have to drop out of school and take up hunting again”.

Crowley rolls his eyes for the eleventh time this day. Even if you’re joking he doesn’t like the thought of you being in danger, much less getting hurt or even... or even killed.

“Quit being dramatic, (Y/N), it doesn’t suit you at all” he tells you arching an eyebrow “Besides, we both now I’m the dramatic one in this relationship”.

You chuckle.

“Is that so?” you ask.

“Yes” he answers walking towards you and cupping your face with his hands, wiping the last tears from your eyes. You let a sigh escape.

“How did the boys let you in anyways?” you say changing the subject. Crowley scoffs at your question.

“They didn’t. In fact, they surely must still be discussing my quite essential stay with you today” he answers, taking his hands off your cheeks and sitting beside you.

You nod in understandment, amused.

“Everything’s going to be okay, Kitten” he assures you, placing his hand in your leg, yours instantly flies to it.

“I know” you tell him, moving your other hand to his cheek and making him face you “Thank you, for being here...”

He grins softly.

“Anything for you, love” he says and you smile. Slowly, you start leaning forward towards his lips. Crowley stares at you perplexed, but does nothing to stop you, instead, he shifts to touch the nape of your neck and leans into the kiss.

The kiss is swift. It begins with slow, careful movements, eager lips brushing over yours, turning into a heated passion as Crowley requests for entrance with his tongue and you jump to his lap. He explores your mouth until you’re both out of air.

“Well that’s an interesting turn of events” he tells you arching his brows and you laugh giving him a mild smack in the chest with your elbow.

“Shut up” you say pecking his lips a few times “You know... if Sam or Dean come in they’ll kill you right?”

The boys are right outside the door waiting for you or Crowley to go out, conflicted if they should go in, or knock, given that they’re not able to listen to anything you say.

“They’ve been insanely quiet in there” Dean’s mind begins to wander in the possible escenarios where you’re involved with Crowley. In your room. And he doesn’t like any of them.

“So what Dean? Maybe they’re just catching up” Sam says, exasperated with his brother.

“No, no, no, I could hear murmurs just minutes ago, now it’s total silence”. Sam sighs.

“Do you really want to go in there? Like really?” he questions giving his brother a look.

Dean considers his options for a few seconds.

“You know what? I’m going in” he asserts and Sam laughs.

“Suit yourself, I’ll be right behind you, covering my eyes”.

“Don’t be a baby” Dean snorts, but to be honest, he’s praying he doesn’t find you having sex with the King of Hell.

They come in the room to spot you in Crowley’s lap, arms wrapped around his neck, eyes closed, his mouth grazing over yours.

“Crowley you son of a bitch!” Dean yells at him, taking long strides to get to you.

“Squirrel” Crowley says sighing, whereas you do the same, adding an eye roll “Didn’t your mommy teach you how to knock?”

Sam is just laughing in the back, glad that at least they didn’t find you naked.

Dean is about to continue yelling at you and Crowley just raises his hand, snaps his fingers and you’re on his throne in hell.

“I believe that was our cue, love” he tells you with a half smirk in his face. You outburst in laughter.

“After this Dean’s definitely making me sleep with the dog” you state. Crowley chuckles lightly “Well, if we had a dog”.

“I thought that was Castiel” he says pretending confusion, you snort and shake your head, a grin not leaving your face.

Crowley takes a lock of your hair between his fingers and starts playing with it. At the same time, he leaves a trail of wet kisses that go from your mouth to your neck.

“Those Winchesters are lucky I was too busy admiring you to shove them out the room and lock the door” he acknowledges, continuing tracing kisses along your skin.

“They’re lucky they found us with clothes on” you admit and he chuckles again.

“Now now, Pet, never took you for the naughty type” he jokes “Quite honestly, I figured this was eventually going to happen, but I always thought I’d be the one to invite you out”.

“You want to invite me out?” you tease “Never saw that coming”.

Crowley smirks, faking annoyance.

“I’m asking to date you, (Y/N), but of course you would tease me about it” he says. You giggle, he’s right “So, what’s your answer?”

“Yes” you speak without hesitation, covering his lips with yours in a long, deep kiss.

“See? If Dean Winchester decides to kick you out the bunker, which I’m highly doubtful, you get to sleep with the King of Hell, not the dog” he tells you with bedroom eyes.

You bite your lips and nod, proceeding to keep making out with the King for a long time, spending the night with him. Dean’s chide can wait.

MASTERLIST