#had to repost bc i wanted to change something lol

[nihilismtraitarchived]

gave makeovers to some of the game-generated npcs in clementine’s save. these are some of my faves so far.

𝙛𝙚𝙖𝙩.

mariela (spellcaster/clem’s neighbor)

beatrix (werewolf)

kaiya (spellcaster)

june (human)

[always-just-red]

hihihi! sylus girlie here. as a college student i often never take breaks whenever im working and often stay up late finishing up assignments. then i stress out but never tell anyone and suffer in silence:’) i was wondering if you could do something similar with sylus x mc where mc often forgets to take breaks at the hunters association and is always the first the volunteer for missions so she could improve.

but then it’s starting to take a toll on her and is so so stressed, but feels bad about venting to someone or saying no to new missions.

maybe one day she’s doing a simple task like cooking herself dinner (or something) but accidentally burns herself and she just ends up breaking down and decides to call sylus and he immediately goes to her. :’)

feel free to decline or change anything! i just like the thought of someone comforting u when ur overworked and stressed bc i wish someone would do that to me lol.

Fast-tracked this one for you, anon! I'm really sorry you're having a tough time right now, and I hope this brings you a bit of comfort- remember, Sylus would want you to take care of yourself! Good luck with all your studies, and feel free to send in another request if ever you need it! 🥰

Technical Difficulties

Sylus x Reader 🩸

Summary: You're not very good at asking for help when you're struggling. Thankfully? You don't always need to.

Genre: fluff + comfort ft. a very domestic Sylus!

Warnings/Additional tags: stressed reader (has a lil bit of a breakdown!), some swearing, uses of 'kitten' and 'sweetie', Sylus is so soft here he should come with a health warning tbh

| Word count: 2.4k | Masterlist |

Disclaimer: Characters belong to Love and Deepspace. All work is my own, so please don't repost or plagiarise!

In the event of a wanderer incursion where evacuation of citizens is obstructed or otherwise not viable, association protocol 32.3-A dictates that you should first… That you should first… What?

Your pen is poised above the blank space where your answer should be. 32.3-A is a general procedure: something to do moving people to the nearest shelter. Or, wait— are you supposed to try to contact support, first?

You drop your pen with a huff and flop face-down onto the mock exam. It’s too much. Too much information, too much responsibility. Open textbooks are spread over your desk and around your head like an unholy halo— stacks of them, filled with codes and procedures. They’re supposed to be helpful, but they’re not; they’re drowning you.

Your phone pings and you glance up. Text from Tara:

Hi! Hate to be a bother, but did you finish glancing over that practice question for me? xx

Shit. You’d completely forgotten. You straighten, reaching for your laptop so you can load up your latest emails. You’ve got time to look over it; the exam isn’t for another two days. Breathe, ok? You have time.

Seven unread emails. What? You scan over them frantically. Two from the Captain: accepting additional mission requests you’d applied for. Were those both this week? One from Nero: you hadn’t sent in that finished report. Three from your colleagues, all scrambling for help with the exam. One from Tara:

Thanks for saying you’d look over this for me! You’re the best at this stuff!

Ok, so: Tara’s practice question. Nero’s report. Your own practice questions. Then… dinner? Maybe that should come first. You’d skipped lunch— had one slice of toast for breakfast. But you don’t wanna cook; cooking takes time, and you’ve got none. None.

Your phone is ringing, snapping you back to reality, and you peek over at it. Sylus?

“Hi,” you greet as you put him on speaker. On your laptop, you’re opening up Tara’s attachment.

“Are you free tomorrow?”

Always straight to the point. “Uh… yeah?” you frown as you read through your friend’s work. “Why? What d’you need?”

Sylus sighs through the phone. “That was a test, sweetie. You failed.”

“Yeah, well…” you murmur, highlighting a sentence with your cursor. “Add it to the list.”

The man doesn’t find that funny. The phone is quiet— too quiet. “Are you alright?” he asks, just as your gaze wanders to check if the call has disconnected.

“Mmhmm.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, Sylus.”

You stare down at your phone. He’s waiting for more, but you won’t give it to him. You’re one word away from slipping, and you can’t let the dam crumble, especially in front of him. He’s smiling from the phone call background: a photo he insisted would ‘ruin’ his image when you took it last week.  

“I need to go, ok?” Your eyes are shining.

“Ok,” he says softly.

There’s a bleep as the call cuts out, and the photo is gone. Waiting beneath it is another text from Tara, and one from Xavier: Nero told me to txt U bout a report??

You swallow the ache in your throat and slump down on your desk again.

…

You wake up with a start, your head ringing. The tangerine sky outside your window’s turned dark— your laptop, too— and light spills from your desk lamp, yellow on white pages. There’s more, and you turn, tracing it back to where it leaks through the crack of your almost closed bedroom door.

You hadn’t left any lights on in your flat. You hadn’t switched on your lamp, either.

Tiredness is dulling your thoughts and your senses, but you know you feel uneasy. There’s something in the air: smoky, but not unpleasant. You can hear something as well. No— two things. A faint, almost imperceptible hiss, and a more obvious humming.

Hunter instincts kick in. You roll open a drawer of your desk, snatching up one of your standard-issue pistols and removing its safety with a click. You stalk up to the door, your trained footsteps near silent. You take a deep breath, clearing your head. One. Two.

Three! You shoulder the door open, leaping through with your gun trained forwards.

At the other end of your sights, Sylus turns, an eyebrow raised. Your kitchen stove seethes behind him, and he gives you a once over as he sluggishly raises both hands. “You flatter me, kitten,” he smirks in surrender, looking between your weapon and his: a spatula.

You lower your gun, your heart still racing. “I could have killed you, Sylus!”

“That’s the spirit.” His hands drop, too.

“How did you even get in here?”

He’s turned back to the stove, and he’s using the spatula to push something around a frying pan. “Hmm…” he muses, then blink— he’s gone. He’s at your fridge a second later, materialising from thin air. “I wonder,” he finishes as he reaches around for something.

Show off. “You know how I feel about you telepor…” No. “Phas…” No. “Magic…king…?” By now he’s watching you over his shoulder. “You know— that thing you do.” You’re twinkling your fingers. “What do you even call that?”

“Magicking, yeah.”

You huff in response and he laughs, walking back over to where he’s cooking two steaks and preparing a salad. You’re still coming to terms with the fact he’s even here, looking... quite frankly ridiculous, because he’s wearing your apron. It’s too small for him. Baby pink. Frilly, too.

“You know how I feel about you magicking into my home,” you mutter distractedly, because actually? He’s kinda pulling it off. His sleeves are rolled up past his elbows, tight on his arms. “Use the door like a regular person, you psychopath.”  

“Where’s the fun in that?” He sounds smug. Ugh, he must feel your eyes on him; he must know. You think he’s toying with the idea of calling you out, but he doesn’t, and when he does speak, the smugness is gone. “Mephisto saw you were sleeping. I didn’t wish to disturb you. You sounded… tired. On the phone.”

Guilt twinges in your chest as you draw up beside him. “Is that why you’re here? Playing housewife?” You pick at a frill on the apron.

“Poke fun all you want,” he sneers. “This shirt costs more than your entire wardrobe.”

“Snob.”

“Ha.” You have to retract your hand as he threatens it with the spatula. “Watch yourself, sweetie. I’ll remember that the next time you ask to ‘borrow’ my card.”

You laugh gently. Now that’s a threat. You’re about to tell him so when you hear a ping from the other room, and your heart sinks. Just a single sound, and you’re back to where you were an hour ago, at your desk with the weight of the world on your shoulders.

Sylus hums in acknowledgment as you excuse yourself and hurry back to your workspace, snatching up your phone. You missed three calls while you sleeping: all from Xavier. He’s been texting you, too.

Nero’s yelling at me

Wants to talk to U

Can U pick up? Pls?

It’s one report, for gods’ sake. You feel your chest tightening again. You just needed to proofread it, but it’s probably fine, right? You wake your laptop out of standby; you’ll just send it as it is. “I’ll just be a minute, Sy,” you call out. “Need to finish one thing.”

He mumbles something in response, and you imagine it’s for the best you can’t hear it. Your keyboard clacks as you tap out a quick email to Nero, then you surf your files for the report he so desperately wanted. It should be… here. You attach it. Hit send.

Nothing happens.

Huh. You hit send again. Then again— still nothing. You groan, trying to back out of the email. None of your keys are working. Your cursor is stuck. “Oh, come on,” you release on an impatient breath. Switch it off, switch it on again? You hit the off button. The screen goes black.

With a sigh of relief, you wait a moment before switching it on again. The screen stays black.

“No, no, no, no,” you plead quietly, but it doesn’t cooperate. Your phone rings and you snap, hitting more buttons: Answer. Speaker. “What?” you hiss.

“Whoa. Hi…?” Xavier’s voice is cautious. “I don’t know if you saw my texts, but Nero—”

“The report, Xavier! I know! I know!” You try holding down your laptop’s power button. “I’m trying to send it, but my shitty computer won’t—”

“No way!” Tara’s voice comes in on the other line; did they both get the night shift? “Hey you! Did you get a chance to—”

“No, ok?!” you practically cry out. “No! Can you two just back off? Please!”

“Oh, sorry, I…” Tara sounds upset, then distracted. “Wait, Xavier wants to speak to you.”

“Are you ok?” he asks after a second.

Ok? You just want everything to stop. “I’m fine. Shit, tell Tara I’m sorry. I am sorry, Xavier, I just… I just need my laptop to…”

Work. Work! Nothing’s working. Half of your files are on there. How much of it is backed-up? Panic is setting in, gripping your body like ice. Your throat hurts and your mouth is dry, the dam is breaking and you can’t stop it. Tears prick at your eyes as you blink at the blank, hopeless screen. Your reflection stares back at you.

You let out a sob, expelling days of frustration and exhaustion. Everywhere you look there’s something you need to do, something you need to learn, something you need to finish. You can’t. You clasp a hand over your mouth, muffling your own cries.

Xavier is speaking— saying something over the phone— but you can’t hear him.

The light changes, and there’s a figure above you, lifting the phone from the desk. “They’ll call you back,” the shadow says. Sylus.

“Wait, who is this?” Xavier.

“That’s Skye!” Tara.

Your friends’ distant voices cut out as Sylus ends the call. He sets the phone down again, nudging your laptop out of view, then lowers himself until all you can see is him: his red eyes, softer than you’ve ever seen them. “Come on, sweetie,” he coaxes, guiding your hands over his shoulders.

You understand what he’s asking of you. His arms wrap around you and you hold him tighter, letting him lift you out of your chair. He feels warm, his skin ever so slightly flushed from where he’s been standing over the stove, and he pulls your legs around his waist, letting him carry you with ease.

With your face buried in his shoulder, you can’t tell where he’s taking you, and you don’t care. His shirt is going damp against your cheeks. You want to stop crying, but you can’t with the taste of your tears on your lips. You feel weak. You feel pathetic.

Something solid is behind you, and Sylus is setting you slowly down on the kitchen counter. He’s away from you for a moment— moving the frying pan off of the heat and turning a dial on the stove— but then he’s back, standing between your legs, standing close. You’re looking down until his hand is under your chin, lifting it with the delicate touch one employs when inspecting a flower that might break.

He shushes you without a hint of impatience. “Look at me,” he directs quietly, and when you do, he unrolls his shirtsleeves— drawing the cuffs over his hands so he can use them to wipe your eyes. “Now tell me what’s wrong.”

You do— you tell him everything. The hunter’s exam. The textbooks. The extra patrols you’ve been signing up for. The work you’ve been doing for your friends. The stupid report. The even more stupid computer.

Sylus listens collectedly, nodding his head and issuing the odd hum of understanding. He listens to all of it, and when you’re done, he pushes your hair back from your face with a sympathetic sigh. “Oh, sweetie.” A tendril is tucked behind your ear. “You should have said something.”

“I know.” Your gaze is still shy of his. “But how can I? I need to do this— be this— for everyone.”

His hands are on your cheeks again, drawing back your focus. “You’re just one person,” he says. “You— just you— and that’s all you need to be. You’re stubborn, and strong, but you’re not invincible. Even Linkon’s shiniest hunter is allowed to have limits. Everyone does.”

“Even you?” you snivel, setting him up for a quip.  

Nothing. He smiles. Shrugs. “Even me.”

It’s hard to believe when he’s staring back at you, oh so solid, oh so perfect. Always a picture of strength: of fiery determination or calculated coolness. Everything in extremes; nothing by halves. Except… his hair is slightly dishevelled from where he’s been working away in the heat. There’s a damp patch on his shirt. He’s wearing your pink apron, and there’s mascara on his sleeves.

Then there’s the way he’s looking at you.

It shifts when you finally look back. He drops his hands from your face and pulls back a little. “You do a lot for your friends,” he continues with confidence, but he’s rubbing his neck, “and they care about you. You should afford them the chance to return the favour. It’s only fair.”

“You’re right.”

“…Good.”

Perhaps it’s the fact you’ve vaguely composed yourself— or the way you’re watching him like you’re seeing something new— but he straightens self-consciously, rolling his shirtsleeves back up as his eyes go sharp: assuming their usual severity.

“You’re too soft, kitten,” he scolds, reaching out to tousle your hair until you’re glaring daggers from behind a curtain of it. “How many times do I have to tell you? You put yourself first. Always. No-one else matters.”

There’s quiet for all of a second. He can’t help correcting: “Well, except me, of course.” The apron’s crooked, and he flattens it with a brush of his hands. “Any time spent with me qualifies as self-care. You really should know that by now, sweetie.”

Your mouth curls, but you haven’t quite got it in you to laugh— not yet. Stretching his neck with two sideways tips of his head, Sylus returns to his post at the oven, where the meal he’s cooking has almost certainly gone cold. You watch as the stove flickers back to life. The man is humming again, and though the food might yet be salvaged, whatever melody he’s attempting is long-past recognition, let alone saving.

You chuckle to yourself.

And you can’t see it, but Sylus is smiling, too.

[moonjxsung]

Not Allowed (pt. 2)

TV GIRL / NOT ALLOWED

Link to part 1 here

⇢ Pairing: Lee Felix x fem reader

⇢ Summary: You and Felix are childhood friends turned fwb, with no strings attached. Felix leaves to pursue his idol dreams, and you begin your life as a college student. When he comes back to visit your town, he’s drawn to you again- but you’re both leading very different lives.

⇢ Warning: smut lol

⇢ W/c: 20k? idk

⇢ A/n: inspired by the TV Girl song “not allowed” <3 this has a lot of smut bc the whole song is abt sex so if ur uncomfortable with that, please don’t interact! 

// MINORS DNI // DO NOT STEAL OR REPOST MY WORK

Disclaimer: All characters in this story are 18+. the actions and story represented in this work do not represent Stray Kids in any way; everything described is purely a work of fiction!

You felt your heart drop in your chest. The conversation was not going to be free of hostility. Unsure of how to answer, you locked eyes with him, letting your expression soften into one of remorse. 

“I like it. The blonde.”

He gave a small nod. “Thank you.”

You looked around nervously, debating whether you should just get up and leave. He wasn’t going to give up without a confrontation or an apology, both of which were off the table for you. 

“I’m gonna go order,” he said, smoothing down his top as he stood up. “Americano?”

You nodded, studying the pattern of the table below you. “Yeah, thanks.”

As he walked down the stairs to the counter, you replayed your thoughts in your head. This was going to be a colossal waste of time if you didn’t drop the cool girl act and just communicate with him like a normal human being. Not even your arguments with Mark were like this, so why were you so averse to doing the right thing? After all, it’s not like you were going to stay at your parents’ place for longer than a week. All of this would be out of sight and out of mind in due time, and you were determined to make it end on a positive note. 

When Felix returned, he held two iced americanos in either hand, clutching a small paper bag of croissants in the crook of his elbow. 

“Thank you,” you said as he carefully set yours in front of you. The rich, warm scent of both calmed your nerves a little as you took a sip of your coffee and nibbled a bite of the pastry.

Felix sat back in his chair and rested a slender hand on his cheek as he looked at you. 

“What?” you asked, worried you’d gotten something on your face. 

He shook his head. “Just looking.”

“You’re staring,” you replied, a bashful smile growing on your face for the first time all morning. 

“I can’t stare?” He inquired. 

“I guess you can if you want to. It’s just a little odd, is all.”

He cocked his head slightly. “I’m catching up on five years of changes. I promise I’m almost done.”

“Okay, okay. I digress.” you said, taking another sip of coffee and staring back at him. 

Felix’s hair was much longer than it was all those years ago, reaching just below the nape of his neck. His face was also much slimmer, and he looked rather intimidating with his carved-out jawline and hollowed cheeks. But his eyes were still soft, his button nose still a focal point of his beauty, and his lips even plumper and more pink than you’d remembered. 

“You look good,” Felix said in a voice barely above a whisper. 

You felt the heat rushing to your cheeks, suddenly more aware of your own appearance, and smiled politely in response. 

“Thanks. You look good, too.”

Felix took a sip of his coffee, and then his face turned serious again. 

“You… never called.”

You furrowed your brows at him, surprised at how quickly the conversation had changed pace. 

“I tried you a couple times. Never heard back.”

You did your best to remain calm, feeling angry at the audacity he had to accuse you of being the one to cut him off. He’d been the one with a time change, phone restrictions, and a whole new life to adjust to. As far as you were concerned, he’d transformed into a completely different person- whether he wanted you to remain in his life was up to him entirely. 

“You did? When?”

You shook your head with a dismissive smile. 

“When? I don’t know- some time and date five years ago?”

“You didn’t try again after that?”

At this point, you could feel yourself getting pissed off. 

“Why would I? I’m not even one to double text- what makes you think I should’ve tried for five years straight? I have a life too, you know.”

He ran a hand through his hair, smoothing down the longer bits and tucking them behind his ears once again. 

“I guess… I just thought we ended on a different note than we actually did.”

You cocked your head. “And what note was that?”

He exhaled sharply through his nose. “I don’t know, every day for a whole summer it’s like you can’t get enough of me and now you want to pretend I don’t exist?”

You scoffed at the absurdity of his words, although he had a point. 

“So I was supposed to keep trying your cell for five years straight because of some fleeting thing that happened half a decade ago? And where were you in all of this? You had a phone, too.”

“I told you it’d be some time after my trainee period. When I didn’t hear from you, I figured you just didn’t care to talk.”

You rolled your eyes, scoffing again. “Jesus Christ. Was I supposed to be sending an owl every week? Sorry I didn’t get the memo.”

“I didn’t know you needed a memo to remember who I was.”

“I know who you are!”

“Then why are you acting like it never happened?”

You sat back in your chair, angry thoughts racing around your mind. 

“Because!” You exclaimed, trying to compose yourself as you finally let your thoughts out. 

“Because what we had wasn’t supposed to ruin our friendship!  You left to be some mega-rich celebrity and I had to work my ass off to make a life for myself, only to never hear from you again. And now you’re back and I don’t know what it is that you want from me, but if it’s the same thing you wanted all those years ago then you can forget this little meeting ever happened. I’m not some side piece you have when you’re not filming commercials or singing on stage. Believe it or not, I have a life outside of whatever the hell this is.”

He shook his head in disbelief, and a silence washed over both of you. You glanced around the floor, hoping nobody heard any of that. The other diners seemed to be wrapped up in their own conversations, and you felt a minuscule sense of relief. 

“I can’t believe you think that’s why I came back. Even back then.”

You stayed quiet, feeling defensive and irate. 

“We never should’ve done it in the first place,” you said, lowering your head. 

He swallowed a lump in his throat. 

“You really feel like that?” Felix asked. 

You gave a small nod, holding back frustrated tears. 

“Yeah, I do. I wouldn’t have to spend my adult life running from such a stupid mistake.”

Felix’s lips pulled into that same thin-lipped expression of hurt, and he raised his eyebrows.

“Okay. If that’s how you feel.”

Without another word, he pushed out his chair behind him, and gathered the mostly-full drink and crumbs of his unfinished croissant. 

You remained seated at the table as he gave you a small bow and made his way to the stairs. And then he was out of sight, for the fourth time that week. 

*

You probably cried for hours that night. It was getting old fast, this torturous act of hurting Felix and then feeling guilty for hours on end. But you couldn’t help the way you felt about the whole situation. 

You’d seen the interviews, watched the way he filmed alongside beautiful Korean women and traveled the world to perform in front of thousands of pretty girls. He had the world at his fingertips, and yet he used the brief moment of time you slept with him as a weapon against you- as if he hadn't moved on several times before all this. Moved on to a new place, a new life- probably even several other women.

When you’d finally begun to doze off to sleep, after hours of battling a pounding headache, a startling noise woke you up again. 

Three brisk knocks on your window- just like they’d always occurred.

Your heartbeat quickened, and you looked at the clock while still adjusting to the atmosphere around you. It was just past midnight. You crawled out of the comfort of your bed, fixing your hair briefly and pulling up the blinds to get a good look. 

Felix stood against the dark night sky, casually dressed in a light gray hoodie and track pants. His hands were shoved in his pockets, head hung in deep remorse. 

When you opened the window and looked at him, his glossy eyes suggested he’d been crying too. 

“Hi,” Felix said quietly. “Can I come in?”

You complied, stepping aside as he hoisted a leg over the sill and climbed into the small space of your room. It felt like old times, only this time it was tainted by tension and your caution so as to not overstep boundaries. 

You sat on the edge of your bed, and Felix found a seat on the desk chair across from you. 

“I’m sorry,” he said quietly. “I was angry. And I let my emotions get the best of me.”

You chewed on the inside of your lip, an anxious habit that made itself known whenever you had to tear your own walls down. 

“I reached out because I cared about you,” he continued. “Five years ago. And I still do. I had zero intention of sleeping with you. It just happened. And it’s not going to happen again. I never would’ve just used you for sex. Part of me wants to think that you know that, too.”

You began to cry even again, wiping tears with the back of your hand. You knew he was right, and you didn’t actually believe that. His intentions had just gotten blurry with him being so far away. 

“Hey…” he said, finding his way next to you and wrapping you in a warm hug. “I’m really sorry I hurt you. I was just being selfish.”

You gasped through tears at his words. “I could never forget you,” you blurted out, almost pleading for him to unlearn whatever you’d made him think before. “And I don’t think you used me for sex. It’s just… overwhelming having you back. I don’t think you realize how fucking hard it was for me when you left.”

Felix wiped a tear from your cheek with his thumb. “You don’t think it was hard for me, either? I wanted to tell you so much. I wanted to call you up every chance that I got, but I couldn’t. And then when I didn’t hear from you I thought… I thought maybe I just cared more than you did.”

You shook your head. “I cared, too. Don’t ever think I didn’t care.”

Felix nodded, a kind of light in his eyes at your admittance.

“Can I stay for a bit?” Felix asked, hoping he wasn’t overstepping his boundaries by inquiring. “Nothing weird, I’ll even stay on the floor. I just want to catch up. As friends.”

It was your turn to nod, sitting back against the headboard and pulling your blanket up to your waist. He sat cross legged facing you, both of your gazes meeting each other with curious smiles. And for a small moment in time, you were those careless kids all over again. 

*

You don’t remember Felix leaving, but he did. You also weren’t sure when you’d fallen asleep. Beams of sunlight shining over your eyelids woke you up, and your room was quiet and vacant except for a small note on the desk. 

Y/n,

Had to leave for a family thing. See you later tonight?

PS- you still snore 

-Felix

You chuckled lightly at the note, remembering the way he’d teased you about that back then. 

You’d thought it to be a dream for a second, gripping the note firmly in your hands to remind you it was in fact, real. Felix had been here last night, and you finally didn’t want to cry at the thought of seeing him again. In fact, it excited you.

At breakfast, you thought over the conversations you had last night. Felix told you about his trainee days, long ones spent studying Korean and practicing dances in small, crowded rooms. He recounted the shows he was on, expressing the premature grief he’d felt at almost getting  completely eliminated. He told you about the members, eyes filling with joy as he described them in great detail and summarized their seven starkly different personalities. 

He told you about how much he’d missed his sisters, how long plane rides finally didn’t make him nauseous anymore, and how he felt much more natural being blonde.

And about how he thought of you every time he stopped at a McDonald’s. He also still used his raspberry chapstick, on his third tube now. And he missed you. 

“I never forgot about you. Not once,” he said honestly. “I stopped getting Oreo mcflurries because they tasted so much like you. It was a flavor I wanted to preserve in that little time and space. I feared I’d… lose it.”

You bit back a smile from across the bed. He always had a way with his words, but hearing the details of your relationship with him so eloquently relayed back to you made your head spin. 

“We’ll I’m sorry for ruining your favorite McDonald’s order,” you’d said back to him in a joking tone. You didn’t want to give him the wrong idea by entertaining the narrative too much. You kept it platonic.

After all, you still had Mark waiting for you back at home. As your mind snapped back to Mark, your eyes shifted around the room in a panic. It’d been days since you heard from him, and he never answered your last text. In a sudden panic, you reached for your phone and began to dial him, before hanging up and thinking it over. You desperately needed a new set of clothes, and it wouldn’t hurt to check on the apartment. 

So after a quick shower and some breakfast, you grabbed your keys and started off toward the apartment again. Not quite ready to return to the place of tedious routine. 

*

As you unlocked the door, an overpowering scent filled the room, making you scrunch your nose in displeasure. 

“Mark?” you called out, scanning the room for him. 

The kitchen was a mess, dishes piled high in the sink with remnants of previous meals all over them. The table was sprawled with unopened mail and- beer bottles. You knew instantly. 

“Mark?” you called again, growing angry at the state of the apartment. 

As you made your way into the living room, you finally saw him. Sprawled on the couch, a beer bottle clutched in his hand as a loud game of baseball echoed from the tv. 

“Mark? Why is the place so messy?”

He said nothing in response, fixated on the screen in front of him, bringing the bottle to his lips to take another swig of beer. 

“Mark?” you said again. 

“Jesus- stop saying my name like that, I have a headache.”

Your heart dropped at his tone. 

“Yeah, because it’s not even noon yet and you’re already piss drunk. What’s going on?”

He waved a hand to dismiss the conversation. 

“No, none of that,” you said. “Tell me what’s going on with you.”

He kept his eyes glued to the game, the commentator’s words drowning out his slurred reply. 

“I dunno. Have the place to myself considering my girlfriend left me. Just wanted a beer.”

“Left you?” you said in sheer disbelief. “I’m staying with my parents for a weekend and you think I left you?”

He shrugged. “You left me a while ago. You never want to sleep together anymore. We’re hardly even in the same bed, and when we are, you don’t tell me anything. You don’t visit me at work anymore. We haven’t gone on a proper date in forever. You’re always… gone. Even when you’re here, it’s like you’re not really here.”

It was the first time he sounded sober so far. Your heartbeat quickened with anxiety, as you weren’t prepared to be put on the spot like this.

You took a seat beside him timidly, folding your hands in your lap. 

“Is that what this is about?”

 “That’s what this has always been about!” he shouted, and you jumped in your seat. “Just say you don’t want this! Any of this,” he said, gesturing to the environment around you. 

You shook your head. “I’m just stressed. I still want this, I want you.” 

“Then why don’t you fucking act like it?” he questioned. You felt your eyes welling up with tears. 

“When have I not acted like it?”

“When you decided your work was more important than us.”

“I have never once put more value into my job than our relationship. You know that. Just because we haven’t had sex or cuddled in a little while doesn’t mean I’m not still here.”

Mark threw his arms up and let out an exasperated sigh, beginning to cry. 

“I lost my fucking job,” he said suddenly, hot tears streaming down his face 

“You- What?” you said, mouth slightly parted in shock. 

He buried his face in the palms of his hands, letting the beer bottle rest on his knee. 

“They let me go.”

“When?” you asked, turning your body to face him more. 

“Couple weeks ago.”

“Weeks?” you repeated. “Mark, why didn’t you tell me?”

He slouched further back into the couch. “I’m a fucking loser.”

“You’re not a loser,” you said. “You’re going through a tough time.” 

You scooted closer to him, enveloping him in a hug and rubbing his knee soothingly. 

“Where have you been if not the lab?” You asked suddenly, remembering he’d been gone for hours each night consistently. 

He rolled his eyes, pulling away from you. “Does it matter?”

You squinted. “I’m just wondering.”

Mark shut his eyes, taking another swig of beer and ignoring your question. “I need a nap.”

You got up from the couch, gathering the garbage that surrounded him and making your way back to the kitchen. 

“I’m gonna clean a little and grab my things. I just came here for a change of clothes.”

Soft snores emitted from the living room. 

You spent the better part of your day cleaning the apartment and organizing Mark’s stuff. You probably threw away dozens of takeout boxes and empty beer bottles, pinching your nose at the stench they left behind. 

When things seemed habitable again, you grabbed a fresh set of clothes and left the apartment, careful not to wake a sleeping Mark on the sofa. 

*

“You don’t know how long I could stare into your picture, and wish that it was me”

After stopping by your favorite ramen place for dinner and running a few errands, you returned to your parents’ amidst the rush of traffic, looking up at the vast navy sky. It was already nearing nighttime, and you knew Felix was visiting tonight. You’d be lying if you said it wasn’t the only part of your day you were looking forward to. 

You showered again, washing the smell of beer and old takeout off your skin. And you dressed up in a cuter set of pajamas this time, matching your tank top to your shorts and completing it with a silky French braid. 

You were glad you had remembered to grab a few books from your nightstand at the apartment, settling down under your dimly-lit lamp to continue one you had already started. 

And just past midnight, three knocks came from your window. 

Felix climbed in with ease, setting a bag down on your desk and slipping off his sneakers. He looked fancier than you’d ever seen him before, light wash jeans accompanying a fitted black shirt and a leather jacket. You bit back a smile at the sight, wishing he’d owned it back when you were allowed to rip it off him. 

“Hey,” he said with a smile, sounding out of breath. 

“Hi,” you replied gently. “What’s with the fancy outfit?”

He chuckled. “We went to this dinner thing. I dunno, I think I just overdress wherever I go these days.”

You smiled up at him. “It looks good. Maybe overdressing is a good thing.”

“Yeah?” he said. “Maybe.”

You took your seat on the bed, resting against the headboard and crossing your legs. 

“How was your day?” he asked. It reminded you of when he’d catch up on your day between hungry kisses before you got intimate. Part of you wished it was still that way. 

You shrugged. “Not the best.”

“Why?” he said, furrowing his brows and sitting across from you, also cross-legged. 

 “Just… a lot. Back home.”

He cocked his head. “Back home? Wait so you don’t… you don’t live here anymore?”

You audibly laughed. “You thought I stayed in this dingy part of town? In this empty room? Of course not!”

“Where do you live then?”

“I’m on the south side, a little drive out from here. I just came to say hi to my parents for a bit. And to get a break from…” your voice trailed off. 

“From?” he said, urging you to finish.

“From… my boyfriend.”

Felix felt his heart sink.

He knew you agreed to remain friends. He knew he had an obligation to keep things platonic. He knew how you felt about what happened before. But he still held on to a sliver of hope that you’d be single by the time he came back to visit. Wishful thinking indeed. 

“Ah, boyfriend,” he said awkwardly. “That’s cool.”

You nodded. Sensing the awkward tension in the air, you changed the subject.

“What’s in the bag?”

He glanced over at it, shrugging casually. “Baked you a few things. There’s some brownies, lemon tarts and salted caramel cookies. Though I think I needed more caramel on those.”

You grinned at him, shaking your head. “You’re exactly the same. Still got a thing for baking. And spoiling people.”

He smiled back at you, a glint of sadness in his expression. “I never stopped.”

The night was spent catching up once again, you getting more glimpses into his life as an idol, and him learning all about your job and its attributes. Felix was careful not to bring up any topics that might lead back to your boyfriend, still feeling overwhelmed at the mention of one in the first place. Call it immature, but he was undeniably jealous. 

Yet every time the room fell silent, his mind wandered back to that minute detail. What did he look like? What did he do for work? How often did the two of you have sex? Were you in love?

Questions he wished he could pry and get an answer to, but ones he knew would push you away. So he kept silent, engaging in surface-level conversation that hardly satisfied his need to understand you. 

At half past two, you let out a yawn, feeling your eyelids getting heavy. 

“Tired?” he asked, licking a cookie crumb off the tip of his thumb. 

You nodded, stretching out your legs and pulling the blankets over you. You fluffed your pillow before resting a hand below your cheek and laying on it, staring up at Felix who still sat across from you. 

He swallowed nervously, admiring the way your long lashes blinked up at him so innocently. He remembered that from years ago, a little move that always drove him crazy. 

“You want to stay?” you asked quietly.

He swallowed again, feeling his ears get hot. 

“I… don’t want to make it weird. Especially with…” his voice trailed off. He couldn’t bring himself to circle back to the boyfriend topic.

“It’s not weird. We’re friends,” you explained. “You can just take the other side and we won’t cuddle or anything.”

Felix’s heart raced at the suggestion. Though he would have preferred cuddling, even as friends, he couldn’t bring himself to decline your offer. He wanted nothing more than to hear your snores as you drifted off to sleep beside him. 

“Okay,” he finally replied, removing his jacket and running a hand through his hair. 

“You still have a change of clothes in the left drawer,” you said in a sleepy voice. “And your toothbrush is still in the bathroom.”

Felix successfully found the change of clothes, comfortably slipping into them and brushing his teeth with the familiar blue toothbrush you always kept for him. 

When he returned, your lashes fluttered open, smiling up at the sight of him. “Cute,” you said quietly.

He felt his heartbeat quicken. There it was again- that feeling he got in the pit of his stomach when he had to remind himself to keep it platonic. Not to smother you with kisses, not to hold you while you slept. But to behave the way a friend did- one with a friend he was wildly attracted to, who also now happened to have a boyfriend. 

“Thanks,” Felix said, trying his best to sound nonchalant. 

He slipped into the bed next to you, pulling the blankets up to his torso and staring up at the ceiling. It was a sight he wasn’t used to, locking eyes with the white canvas above him. Normally he’d lay on his side, arms wrapped tightly around you, legs lazily hoisted over yours as he pressed little kisses to your face and whispered sweet nothings in your ear. 

The feeling felt strange, unnatural, even. Like lying beside a stranger in a foreign place. Not to mention the new addition of clothes- normally, Felix would get himself cleaned up and change into a clean pair of boxers. Sometimes, he wore nothing at all. The white t-shirt and patterned shorts were among the new developments in your friendship with him. 

“Need to charge my phone,” he said suddenly, sitting up and reaching for his phone from beside him. 

“Would you plug mine in, too?” you said, eyes still shut as sleep began to wash over you. 

He reached for yours, balancing the two phones in one hand as he made his way across the room to a spare outlet. First he plugged in his own, the little chime confirming the outlet worked. And then yours- the glow of your lockscreen making him squint against the brightness. He glanced over his shoulder at your sleeping frame, small breaths emitting from your mouth as you dozed. 

A growing curiosity led him to tap the screen as it dimmed again, examining the photo set as your background. 

It was a man, presumably your boyfriend, dressed in a black jacket and a snug black beanie, smiling at the camera as one slender hand gripped a spoonful of ice cream.  

Felix felt his stomach churn. He carefully observed all of his features- big brown eyes, dark slanted brows and a strong, masculine jawline. He was handsome- hell, he was hot. 

Felix painfully imagined the scenario that preceded the photo. First date? Second date? Hundredth date? Did he kiss you before, or after the picture was taken? Had the same spoon been used to feed you ice cream? Did you already live together at the time? What was his reaction at the photo finding a place on your lockscreen?

Felix clenched his jaw. He hoped the guy appreciated you making the photo a permanent part of your routine. The same photo you’d look at when you woke up in the morning, the same photo you’d look at right before going to sleep at night. The photo you’d see before dialing your mom or dad. The photo you’d see if Felix were to call. 

As he sat observing the photo, refreshing the dimming light for a third time, a small buzz caught his attention. There on your phone, a text banner covered the guy’s face. Felix scanned it briefly, knowing he really shouldn’t be prying in your text messages like this. 

Mark: Sorry about today

Felix raised an eyebrow. It must’ve been the guy on the lockscreen. A little heart emoji next to his name confirmed his suspicion. Another text came through as he finished reading. 

Mark: I should’ve told u 

He frowned. Told you what? What had happened before he came over tonight? Is that why you seemed upset?

Mark: Sorry for yelling. Thanks for fixing the place 

Mark: I’ll explain when you get back 

Mark: I don’t deserve you 

Felix scoffed silently. At least he knew that much. 

Mark: I still love you

And then he froze. The four words made his heart stop briefly.

He knew you’d been seeing someone new. He knew you weren’t single, and that you and him were not going to hook up. Let alone be in any form of an intimate relationship. 

But he hadn’t considered that the two of you were on “I love you” terms. The thought of it made his throat dry. You were entirely in love with someone, and it wasn’t him. It was never going to be him. For a fleeting second, Felix considered leaving. There was no reason to be here- in bed, asleep next to someone he’d felt so complicated about. He’d just grab his things and disappear out the window, probably never coming to visit you again. The presence of Mark in your life would likely fill the microscopic hole that was the absence of Felix’s. 

“Felix?” you said in a whisper. “Are you coming to bed?”

And he melted at the sound of your voice all over again. Giddy at the thought of being close to you again, of smelling your familiar scent and waking up next to you when Mark surely wouldn’t. 

“Coming,” Felix replied. “Just letting my mom know I’ll be late tomorrow.”

And before he could think it over any further, he slipped back into bed beside you. Hands folded over his chest, staring up at the ceiling that now seemed much more inviting than the thought of leaving you to sleep alone. The picture of Mark was etched in his mind like a painful tattoo, and he winced when he remembered the texts you would wake up to.

But not before you slept beside him first, gracing his presence with your light snores and sweet scent. Something Mark wouldn’t get for at least tonight- and for that reason alone, he was satisfied. 

*

“I dreamt I was standing in your doorstep, licking sweat off of your forehead, with your finger in my mouth, and the sound when leather jackets hit the ground”

Labored breaths escaped your parted lips as you slept, turning over in discomfort. 

You’d fallen asleep hours ago, Felix following shortly after. And quickly, he found his way into your dreams. 

Maybe it was the absence of intimacy between you and Mark, or maybe it was that stupid leather jacket Felix had worn tonight. Either way, your mind was clouded with images of it, painting vivid pictures of it on the floor between you. 

Felix towered over you, blonde hair falling into his face as he tilted your chin up to meet his, pressing wet kisses to your lips and neck. Your hands remained at your sides, waiting for him to take the lead. 

An eager hand snaked up your frame, finding its way to your mouth, where he interrupted the kiss by sliding a slender finger into your lips. You sucked obediently, never letting your eyes lose sight of his. 

When you’d soaked him in your spit, he guided you backward to the bed, desperately parting your legs and inserting two fingers into your aching sex. You gripped his forearms with pleasure, moaning against his lanky figure and begging for more. 

He hummed at your noises, pressing the hardness in his boxers against your core. When you gasped in response, he stood up again, running a hand through his hair as you watched him pull the waistband down lower, lower… 

Your own gasps woke you up, pausing at the realization of how much you’d sweated onto your sheets. Felix was sound asleep on the pillow next to you, his chest rising and falling gently with his snores.

You glanced at the time. It was just past 3. Felix had not even been asleep for a full hour, and yet here you were having lewd visions of him fingering you in the very spot you slept. You quietly slipped out from the covers, strolling to the bathroom and shutting the door behind you. 

You didn’t bother turning on the light, afraid you would wake Felix and cause him concern so late at night. Instead, you pushed aside the curtain in the bathroom window, allowing silver-blue moonlight to illuminate the room around you, observing your disheveled appearance in the mirror above the sink. Beads of sweat glued curly strands of hair to your forehead. 

Still aware of the heat in your core, you pulled down your shorts, and then your panties, quietly gasping at the sight. They almost peeled away from your wetness, stringy white lines of desperation disappearing on to the soaked spot where your longing for him made itself known. 

All it took was that stupid leather jacket, and here you were, almost cumming at the sight of him in dream. 

You couldn’t help yourself, letting one finger circle the pool that had accumulated between your thighs. The panting began gradually, as your mind wandered back to where you’d been so rudely interrupted in your dream.

You continued the fantasy of his boxers being pulled fully down, eyebrows arched in pleasure at the thought of his cock springing out, all hard and leaky and ready for you. In consciousness you’d probably tease him, a gentle hand caressing his length as you’d coo little compliments up at him, admiring the way he could barely contain himself. 

You’d bend yourself over the side of the bed, instructing him to use you, to fuck you hard, until he was satisfied. And he would, his length finding its way to your aching pussy, rubbing his wet head over your clit until you were begging to have him inside you. 

You could feel yourself getting close as you fantasized when he’d slide into you, his erection stretching you out the way it did all those years ago. You’d promise with pleading in your voice that you’d let him use you whenever he wanted, however he pleased, so that you’d get used to his familiar size and shape again. 

And he would smile between hard thrusts, picking up the pace as his hand would find its way to the small of your back, rubbing a thumb along your skin soothingly before leaning over and pressing a wet kiss on your shoulders.

Your moans would fill the room, saying his name like a prayer you’d repeat again and again, the four walls around you teeming with echoes of wet skin and filthy words. 

And that same gentle hand would caress your throat as he found his release, this time inside of you. He’d shower you with praise the way he always did, his deep voice making your skin tingle as he pressed little kisses to your neck and ear. And you’d kiss away his tears, staying close to him until sleep called your name.

As your mind drifted back into reality, you brought a finger up, observing the way you’d made a mess of yourself right in front of the sink. You parted two fingers curiously, white cum glistening under the moonlight. 

How pathetic. You’d been the one to establish boundaries again. You’d been the one who specified this was a platonic occurrence. 

Yet here you were, masturbating to filthy thoughts of him while he slept in the room next door, knowing very well you had a boyfriend waiting for you back home. 

After getting cleaned up, you found your way back to the bed, crawling in next to him like a guilty sinner. He turned to face you in his sleep with small breaths escaping his parted lips. 

Felix looked like an angel at this time of night. But the thoughts he gave you were anything except saint-like. 

*

Felix had to leave again in the morning, waking you up as he sat up in bed and stretched beside you. 

“Felix?” you said, memories of last night flooding your head all over again. You hoped he didn’t hear you in the bathroom. 

“Didn’t mean to wake you,” he replied, his raspy morning voice sending shivers down your spine. “Have to go get some stuff done today.”

You turned over so that you were facing him and stared up at him through groggy eyes. 

He tucked his hair behind his ears, looking down at you and giving you a small smile. The sunlight kissed his blonde hair, setting it aglow and making it appear almost white. His eyes were puffy with exhaustion, but his smile exuded that of a restful night. 

“Did you sleep well?” he asked. 

You thought back to a few hours ago. 

“Yeah. Better than I have in a while. You?”

He rubbed an eye, nodding. “I feel less tense.”

“Good,” you said. Maybe his dream self relieving some tension had carried over into his consciousness. 

“Do you want to do something tonight?” Felix asked suddenly. “I mean, like, go somewhere? I feel bad that we’ve only been catching up at ungodly hours of the night and then I have to leave.”

You reached a hand out, playing with a loose hem on his shirt. “Yeah. That sounds nice.”

He smiled again. “Cool. I’ll pick you up at around 6? We’ll go somewhere fancy.”

You nodded, shutting your eyes again. 

Without another word, he was out of the bed, pulling on his clothes from yesterday and neatly folding the pajamas before storing them back in the dresser. 

“Don’t forget your jacket,” you said, giving him an amused smile as he pulled it off your desk chair and draped it over one arm. 

“Oh yeah, thanks,” Felix replied. 

And with a small wave he disappeared out the window again, leaving you to the vacant room with thoughts running rampant. 

*

“I guess it’s different ‘cause you love him, but I’ve got an interactive sick and twisted imagination”

It was no use. Felix couldn’t behave like a normal functioning human when he wasn’t around you. Nor when he was around you. His mind wandered back to that photo set as your lockscreen- of Mark holding a spoonful of ice cream, looking handsome and intimate. 

As he sat in the backseat of the van, his mom talking the family’s ear off about plans for his sister’s upcoming graduation, he gritted his teeth remembering the texts.

He wondered if you read them yet, and how you felt about them. Maybe you were elated to hear from Mark, traveling back to the apartment to make love to him and accept his half-assed apology. Maybe you had already broken up with him, finally realizing your true feelings for Felix and waiting up for him in bed like you used to, only this time madly in love. 

Felix felt like such a loser. He could no longer deny the way he felt about you, constantly wondering what you were doing when he wasn’t around, who you were interacting with, and how often you thought of him. He’d give anything to crawl around in your mind and find out how you felt about him now that things were this different. He probably would’ve snooped through your phone last night if it wasn’t locked, to find a trace of him, and come to the absurd conclusion that you wanted him just as badly as he wanted you. 

Felix glanced down at his phone, opening Instagram for the millionth time today and clicking on your user. You didn’t use it much, but the 18 little squares did provide a window into your life without Felix, and he hated it. 

He hated to see you in a short dress at a club he wasn’t aware of. Hated to see your graduation photos, ones he wished he would’ve received when they were taken. 

Hated to see the pictures you had with Mark. One whole carousel dedicated to him, ten random photos you selected for a birthday post. A selfie of the two of you in bed, a funny picture of him wearing a face mask, a photo from when he let you make little braids in his hair and posed for you. And another photo from that same ice cream date, a different angle, but just as handsome and intimate as the first time. 

Felix clicked on all the same photos, reading the captions over again, stalking users from the comment sections and piecing together who they were in relation to you. But it was no use. No amount of obsessive stalking was going to make you like him. You had a life without him, beyond what you had five years ago. You’d been right about that.

Felix sighed, locking his phone again and thinking back to last night. He’d been so ecstatic to spend the night by your side again. It felt like home. He felt safe. 

He hoped you didn’t notice the erection that troubled him early into the night. He’d been forced to focus on his breathing patterns, moving as far away from you as possible to not get aroused by your sleeping figure. He remembered you getting up at some point, a brief interval of time which he felt empty and exposed without you in your bed. When you’d returned, he felt his heart could burst, suddenly overjoyed at the reminder that you were here beside him in your bed. And that it would remain that way until morning broke. Each passing minute worried him, and he so badly wished he could freeze time and stay with you in your bed forever.

“Felix?” a voice interrupted. He snapped his head up to the mirror, humming in response to his mom. 

“Should we coordinate so you can stay at the cabin with us? Or do you want your own room?”

His sister’s graduation. She’d planned a few days with her friends to stay by the lake, and most of Felix’s family would be at the neighboring cabin. 

“Oh, uh… I dunno, I was planning something with a few friends.”

“That’s okay,” she responded. “I know you have a lot you wanted to do.”

Her voice trailed back to the topic of their plans, and Felix’s mind wandered back to you. His family being away meant he had you to himself for a few days, and he wouldn’t have to leave you in the mornings. He bit back a smile at the thought of staying in bed with you all day. Even just as friends.

But the change of plans meant he had to organize something special tonight. Dinner? A movie? The two of you seldom saw movies together back then, always leaving 20 minutes in to go get busy in his car. He wasn’t even sure if you still liked all the same restaurants. 

But he did have one thing in mind, and he hoped it would help you forget all about Mark. 

*

When you woke for a second time, it was well past 11. You rubbed your eyes of sleep, surprised at how tired you’d been all week. Last night’s events really relieved your stress- maybe a little too much. 

You made your way to your phone, several notifications catching your eye. 

Ten total texts from Mark, a few from last night, the last one being just an hour ago. 

Mark: Call me when you can

Mark: I want to talk

Mark: Can you come over at all?

Mark: Sorry

You furrowed your brows, the texts ringing several alarms in your head. The constant apologies, the urgency to speak with you. The fight hadn’t been that bad, right? Did you remember it differently?

And one from Felix, who seldom texted you. The two of you were still getting acquainted with speaking through little messages like this- you didn’t have to in the past because you were always together. Phone calls were your preferred method of communicating with him if anything, but his texts were always so innocent, and knowing he was thinking of you made you smile. 

Felix: 🐣

The little emoji made you giggle, momentarily forgetting about Mark’s eagerness to speak with you. You shot him back a little emoji in response, settling on the sun, representative of both the day outside and his presence in your life. Sunshine. 

You put your phone face down on the bed again, gathering your clothes and toiletries for a shower. You had to go see Mark, and something told you it was going to be a long, long conversation. 

After a quick shower and some breakfast, (or lunch, rather), you were off to see Mark again. 

*

The apartment was beginning to look messy all over again. There were more takeout boxes sprawled along the counter, random belongings on the dining table and dishes stacked on the coffee table. 

“Mark?” you called out. 

“In the bedroom,” he shouted back, a somber tone in his voice. 

You kicked off your shoes and followed to your shared room, and the state of it confused you.

His clothes, stacked high on the bed, some hung neatly on hangers and some folded. His collection of sneakers, piled in one corner, along with his belts and hats. And miscellaneous paraphernalia that belonged to him- journals, briefcases, mementos.  

“Mark?” you said, taking in the sight. 

He looked up at you, pulling his lips in a thin line. He looked as though he’d been crying.

“Sit,” he said plainly. You complied. 

Before he said anything, he let out a heavy sigh, scratching the back of his head. 

“I never meant for you to find out like this,” Mark said. 

You waited for him to continue. 

“I just… things were hard. And I guess it was hard to come to you about it, because you always have your shit together.”

You twiddled your thumbs together nervously, “You’re leaving, aren’t you?”

He looked behind him at the pile of clothes. “I didn’t think you’d want me around anymore.”

You turned to look at him, a little angry at him for jumping to conclusions like this. “I’ve done nothing but care for you. You’ve been here at some of my lowest points. Why do you discredit me when I’m here for yours?”

He looked at the floor, saying nothing.

“I mean for god’s sake Mark, not telling me about your job is one thing. But you’re going to act like I’m the bad guy for needing a little space when we’re going through a rough patch? I let you have the place for a bit, doesn’t mean I’m not coming back for you. I love you and you know that.”

He swallowed. “I just don’t know how we’re supposed to come back from this.”

“Come back from what, you drinking here and there to cope? A small argument we had last night?”

“Me sleeping with my lab partner,” Mark blurted out.

You fell silent. A wave of shock washed over you, and then distress. Your throat went dry, your eyes trembling with tears prematurely. 

“You what?” you asked, your voice coming out in a whisper. 

Mark hung his head. “I thought you knew.”

“No I didn’t fucking know! Jesus, Mark! How long has this been going on?” The tears began to fall, staining your face with mascara. 

“Four months,” he answered. Mark didn’t cry, nor did he raise his voice. It was a casual confession, like he’d been waiting to tell you all this time. 

Mark hadn’t even been out of a job four months ago. The cheating had begun when you two were still on good terms. Or so you’d thought. 

You nodded, silent sobs escaping your lips. Mark watched you with a guilt-ridden expression, knowing that this was it. 

“Okay,” you said, standing up from the bed and slinging your purse over your shoulder. 

He stood up too, observing your face. “I’ll be out by the time you’re back. I already arranged for my stuff to be picked up.”

His nonchalant tone angered you. You wanted to scream, to hit him and try anything to make him stay. But the truth was, you’d already lost Mark a long time ago. 

The two of you had been nothing but strangers in a joint bedroom, pretending nothing had gone awry, when in actuality, your feelings were just as convoluted as his. Maybe it was the stress of your job, or the existence of a routine that drove you crazy most days. Either way, you hadn’t been happy with him for a long time. The same rang true for Mark. 

“Can I ask you something?” You said before leaving. 

He paused with baited breath. 

“Why did you act like I was the one who threw this all away?”

He hung his head again. “Like I said before. It was hard to come to you about it. You always have your shit together. You always know what you want. And I think…” his voice trailed off. You raised an eyebrow, waiting for him to finish. 

“I think your heart might be elsewhere too.” 

It was your turn to shift to an expression of guilt. Had he known all this time? About your complex feelings? About Felix coming back, and your nights with him, albeit nothing intimate? 

Though you wanted to defend yourself, you couldn’t. Instead, you pursed your lips together, nodding reluctantly in silence.

“I’ll be back in a few days,” you said. “Can we grab a coffee or something soon?”

Mark’s expression softened. He took a step forward, opening his arms for a hug, which you stepped into. His hugs, always so familiar- the scent of his cedar cologne and the firmness of his arms always felt like home. Or at least they did until this point of your life- maybe your chapter in this apartment with Mark was finally at a close. 

“Of course we can,” he said, his voice muffled into your tear-stained shoulder. 

And there you stood, basking in the last fragments of the place you’d called home for so long. 

*

“Do you like these little sonnets? ‘Cause I wrote them just for you”

In all honesty, the last thing you wanted to do was go out tonight. You’d spent the afternoon crying in your room, grieving the last few days you had with Mark. He’d been a steady part of your adult life for as long as you’d known it, and suddenly, he just… wasn’t anymore. 

You wanted to call him and ask if he was still seeing the girl he’d cheated with. A part of you wanted to hate him, but the other part just wanted him to be happy. Maybe this adult life was something you needed to navigate away from each other now. Maybe this routine wasn’t healthy for either of you. Since your freshman year of college, Mark was all you’d ever known. You hadn’t slept with anyone else, hadn’t dated anyone else, and hadn’t really met other men aside from his friends. But the thought of navigating the future without him was petrifying. 

On the other hand, you longed for the uncertainty. You wanted to have the freedom to go out and come home late, not having to worry about anyone waiting up for you. You wanted to discover new things about yourself, see the world, and make your own coffee at night when you worked. It’s not that you didn’t appreciate everything Mark did for you in that sense, but when incorporated into the repetitive routine of adulthood, they had lost meaning to both of you. Maybe that’s why Mark sought something else in another woman. 

And maybe that’s why you couldn’t push Felix away anymore. 

You weren’t sure about any of it. But you did know Mark seemed to have a weight off his shoulders. And you did know sleeping next to Felix felt… right. It felt safe again. It felt like home. 

You packed a few of your nicer clothes from the apartment, trying on variations of them in the bathroom mirror back at your parents’ house. 

Felix had called briefly to tell you to wear something that would match his black suit, and you were intrigued by the amusement in his voice. But you also faked your excitement on the phone, trying your best to hold back tears and sniffles.

So you settled on a silky maroon dress, the draped neckline accentuating the curve of your breasts and hugging your waist like it was tailored to you. A pair of black heels complemented your dress, and you felt sexy for the first time in a while. 

Felix called you when he arrived, almost on the dot. 

“I’m here,” he said. “Do you want me to go up? Or- are you parents home? I should probably say hi.”

You giggled at his nervousness. Just about anything made Felix nervous. He was an over thinker at heart. 

“I’ll meet you out there,” you said.

As you adjusted your earrings in the mirror, a wave of sadness washed over you again. It had been this very dress that you’d worn when Mark was a guest speaker at your school’s biology department. He loved the color on you- even made sure he snapped a few photos of you in it before tearing it off between kisses. 

You shook your head, ridding yourself of the memories, and tried your best to remind yourself that tonight was for fun. You needed a night to get your mind off things, to think of something other than your job and Mark. 

You made your way outside, and Felix stepped out from the driver’s seat, hands folded behind his back nervously. You locked up behind you and carefully started toward the car, Felix jogging up to meet you halfway. 

“Wow…” he said, staring at you in wonder. 

You chuckled, feeling a blush rise in your cheeks. 

“You look…” he started, losing track of his words as his eyes locked with yours. 

He brought two fingers up to his neck, discreetly checking for a pulse as you smiled at him. It was a habit he’d done since he was young- an even cuter one considering he always thought you’d never noticed.

“You look very pretty,” he finished, a twinkle in his eyes as he spoke. 

“Thanks,” you replied. “You look very handsome.”

Felix checked for a pulse again, playing it off as an itch on the crook of his neck. 

“Ready?” you asked as he stood in silence. 

“Yeah,” Felix replied, trying his best to snap out of the trance he was in. 

The two of you made your way to the car, Felix holding the door for you, and sat quietly for a moment while he confirmed the address on his phone. 

“Where are we going?” You asked. He only smiled at you. 

“It’s a surprise.”

Once he started the GPS, the two of you chatted the whole drive, exchanging stories about your families and friends. Felix told you about his sister’s graduation party, and that he would have the place to himself for a few days. Doing his best to slip in a casual invitation for you to spend the night. (Platonically, of course.)

You told him all about what your own graduation was like- down to the hangover you had after clubbing for 13 hours straight. Felix couldn’t help but wonder where Mark fit into your story. 

The drive was much like they used to be. Aside from the steamy moments you used to share, conversations were always the most fun part about being around Felix. He always had something new to tell you, little tales that kept you on your feet and drew you even closer to him. It seemed that after five long years, you could finally reciprocate with your own fascinating anecdotes. 

Before you knew it, the two of you had arrived at a hotel, finding a parking spot in the garage below. You stepped out and looked around, wrapping your arms around yourself and inhaling the cool breeze. 

“Cold?” Felix asked, and you shook your head. 

“Feels nice, actually.”

You linked arms with him as he led you into the building and to the elevator, where another elegant looking man pressed the up button for the two of you. A little bell chime indicated it was at your level, the double doors opening slowly in front of you. Felix ushered you in first, following carefully behind you and pressing the silver circle marked ‘R’. 

As the elevator began, it jerked with force, causing you to gasp and grip the bar to the left of you. Felix moved closer to you, placing a gentle hand on your waist as the ride continued. You felt goosebumps form on your skin at his touch, remembering all too well how it had felt back then. It still made your heart race. 

When you arrived, the double doors slid open again, and you gasped at the view in front of you. It was a rooftop restaurant overlooking the city, thousands of little buildings below you glowing like stars in the night sky. The tables were neatly lined with white tablecloths and candles. And the best part? The rooftop was empty, aside from a waiter who politely gestured to the table nearest the ledge. You bowed graciously as he led the way and poured you both a glass of champagne, placing two menus on the table before he left. 

As you stared awestruck at the skyline, Felix’s gaze remained locked on your gentle expression. His heart raced watching you smile, eyes twinkling with reflections of the city he called home. 

“Do you like it?” He asked.

“Like it?” You repeated. “Felix, it’s so beautiful up here... How’d you even find this place?” You turned to look at him and he glanced down nervously at the menu, feeling his heart might burst with affection.

“Heard of it through a friend.”

He wasn’t going to tell you the truth of course- that he spent nearly two hours of his day in the backseat of his parents’ van googling romantic dinner locations in the city. Calling up 14 in total for a last minute reservation, eventually convincing his manager to have them clear the reservation list so you’d have the privacy you deserved. Which he paid extra for- along with the private parking spot, a table closest to the ledge, and the specialty request champagne. 

“Raspberries?” You said curiously, taking a sip of the sparkling beverage. A raspberry champagne cocktail on ice- a recipe Felix found online and personally requested. 

“Wow, you have to try the champagne,” you told Felix, eyes glimmering at the heavenly flavor. He knew you’d like it.

When the waiter came back to your table, Felix ordered you both a mutual favorite of chicken risotto, handing your menus to the waiter and turning back to you with a shy smile. 

“What?” You asked playfully. 

He giggled. “Nothing. It’s just nice to be here with you.”

You nodded, taking another sip of champagne. Of course, memories of your day with Mark still plagued your mind. You didn’t want to give Felix the wrong idea considering you were still going through a rough patch, unsure of what the future even held for the two of you. Keep it casual, you reminded yourself. 

“It is nice,” you said. “I needed an outing like this with my best friend.”

Felix’s smile faded a little, reaching for his own glass of champagne and taking a big sip. He cleared his throat, his coughing getting louder as he set the glass down. 

“Are you okay?” You asked. 

He nodded with flushed cheeks and watery eyes. “Raspberry. Got stuck in my throat.”

You slid him a napkin and he wiped his mouth of the pink residue, turning away to not embarrass himself further.

“Do you want me to get you a glass of water?” You asked with concern in your voice. 

“I’ll do it,” he said quickly, standing up from the table. I’m doing so, he bumped his knee on the edge, knocking his glass over and staining the white tablecloth. 

“Fuck,” Felix said angrily. “Shit.”

You placed the glass upright again. “It’s okay, we can just remove the tablecloth.” You glanced around the rooftop for the waiter who’d been away at the kitchen. 

Felix piled the cutlery with shaky hands, dropping a fork with a loud clang as he scrambled to remove the tablecloth. You noticed his shakiness and reached out to place a hand gently over his own. He stopped to look at you with wide eyes. 

“Felix,” you said. “Breathe.”

He took a deep breath and blinked a few times at you. 

“Sorry,” Felix said, embarrassment evident in his voice. “It’s been a while since…” his voice trailed off, knowing he wasn’t allowed to refer to this as a date. 

“It’s okay,” you said. “It’s just me.”

Just you, Felix thought. Just the woman he’d been fawning over for years. Just the woman he hadn’t forgotten once in the span of his new life. The woman he looked for in everyone, in everything. The woman he couldn’t form sentences around or stop stumbling over himself.

“Just you” was the problem. 

Felix sat down across from you again, and the waiter returned with your food, placing it on the bare wooden table with a questioning look. Felix sheepishly handed him the strained tablecloth. 

Felix’s nervousness had always been charming to you. You couldn’t help but smile at the way he’d display those same mannerisms from years ago, desperate to look “cool”, and being anything but in the process. 

“What?” Felix asked you this time, cutting into his chicken. 

“Nothing,” you said. “I think it’s better without the tablecloth anyway.”

He huffed out a laugh. “It was a little overkill.”

“Oh, definitely. In fact, they should’ve swapped our table for one of those plastic outdoor ones. Those are peak fine dining. Or maybe those cheeseburger stools from McDonald’s? Now that would’ve been impressive.”

Felix laughed loudly, and you joined him, watching as his shoulders relaxed with every movement. 

As the night progressed, Felix seemed a lot more comfortable, finally coming around to the idea of having dinner with his best friend- nothing more. Memories of Mark tainted your mind when the night fell silent, and the images of him were still burned into Felix’s mind. But you both embraced the night with open arms, like you were the only two who existed in this timeline- the way it was when you were just kids. 

At the end of the night, you got up to get a better look at the view. Felix followed, snapping a few photos and dragging you into one for a selfie in front of the skyline. 

You wrapped your arms around yourself, admiring the way everything looked so small from up here. So insignificant, so fleeting. Like your life was a city, and every building was just a small part of it, no matter how big it seemed from down there. 

“See there?” You said, pointing at the south side. “That’s where my apartment is.”

Felix looked out, squinting at the horizon. 

“And there,” you said, pointing in another direction. “Is where my university was.”

From the corner of your eye, you could tell Felix wasn’t looking at the skyline anymore. He had his gaze locked on you, carefully observing the way your hair flowed in the gentle night time breeze. Two fingers worked their way up to check his pulse again- still breathing. 

You didn’t look back at him. Instead, you studied the way the city seemed to change by the minute. Planes with flashing lights flickering in thick fog, cars that drove by in the blink of an eye. Offices still with their lights on, apartments and houses already asleep for the night. It was all so changing- so uncertain. You could take pictures just seconds apart and it’d be the same place, but never the exact same moment in time.

“Want to get going?” You asked, still aware of his eyes on you. 

“Yeah,” Felix said quietly. He wasn’t sure what he’d been hoping for, but he felt briefly disappointed. 

You finally turned to him, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear and smiling at him. “Come on then.”

Felix led you down the stairs to the elevator, where you both entered, and he pushed a silver circle marked 17.

You cocked your head in confusion. “Isn’t it the garage level?”

A knowing smile met your confused expression. “I booked us a room for the night.”

It was the last of Felix’s surprises- one he knew you’d be excited about. Similarly, one he hoped wouldn’t overstep his boundaries. Fancy hotel rooms were something the two of you only dreamt of in the past, joking about how you’d order one of everything from room service and sleep in everyday till noon. Along with a list of other things you always wanted to try, but he knew very well that was no longer a part of the plan. He didn’t mind, simply wanting to spend a night by your side in a room that wasn’t your childhood bedroom. Now that he could afford it, he’d make sure you experienced everything you once wanted to. 

“Felix…” you began. “This is too much.”

He shook his head nonchalantly. “It’s a little day trip. You don’t work tomorrow and my family’s out for the weekend. Might as well stay while we’re here.”

The elevator stopped at your floor and you got off, following his strut down the hall as he found your room. He pulled a white card out from the pocket of his suit, scanning it and pushing the door open with ease. 

“Come on,” he said, gesturing for you to follow him. 

The sweet scent of vanilla and sandalwood filled the room all around you in an instant. You gasped at the sight of tall clear windows that overlooked the same skyline view you had at dinner. Two massive beds occupied the middle of the room that connected to a single bathroom.

“What about our stuff?” You said suddenly, unable to imagine sleeping in this gown. 

“The staff’s already on their way up with our bags. You don’t have to worry about that.”

 Felix sat on the edge of the bed, arms rested behind him. You made your way over to him, sitting opposite him on your own bed, unable to speak. 

“I… I don’t even know what to say.”

He chuckled. “You don’t have to say anything. I just wanted to do something fun for my best friend.”

“Thank you,” you said. “Seriously- thank you. This has been the best surprise after such a… shitty week. I really needed this.”

“I’m glad,” Felix replied. “That was my plan.” He laid back on the white duvet, spreading his limbs out along the surface. “Now can we please order some dessert from room service?”

*

“We wanna talk about sex but we’re not allowed” 

“Solid 6/10.” 

“What?” You replied. “No way.”

“Way,” Felix replied. “The vanilla tastes… bitter.”

“Bitter? Are we eating the same thing?”

“Crème brûlée. Bitter crème brûlée.” He remarked. 

You laughed, setting down your fork. 

“Okay, last one.” You lifted the silver dome cover off the last plate, revealing a single slice of cheesecake. 

“Now this one I’m judging harshly,” Felix said. 

“You judged all of them harshly!” You said jokingly.

“Touché.”

“Ready? One, two, three…” you popped a forkful in your mouth, chewing for a moment before nodding. “That’s the single best slice of cheesecake I’ve ever had.”

“No way,” Felix said. 

“Way,” you replied.

You handed the fork back to Felix, who took a bite of his own, thinking it over for a second. “8/10.”

“What! You’re just being cocky now.”

“Mine is better! You can’t deny that.”

“Mmm I’m not so sure.”

In a fit of laughter, you laid back on the bed, staring up at the ceiling and shutting your eyes briefly. “I can’t believe we’re here.” 

You turned your head to face the view again, speckles of city lights gleaming from beyond the tall glass windows. 

“It’s something, huh?” Felix said. 

“Mhmm. This was one of our bucket list items from that summer.”

Felix felt his heartbeat quicken, surprised you brought up the topic of that summer at all. He’d wanted to talk about it for so long, not being able to with your new established dynamic. 

“Yeah,” he said. “I remember.”

“What’d we plan again? Dessert from the room service menu, steal the amenities? Sleep on silk sheets?”

He looked at you nervously, waiting for you to say it. Something- anything at all to prove you remembered. 

Have sex in the jacuzzi, Felix thought to himself. Fuck on the balcony. Do it in the middle of the night and try not to wake the neighboring rooms. 

“Yeah,” he settled on replying. “Think you got everything.”

You sat up again, making your way over to your suitcase and digging out your toothbrush out from the pile of clothes. “Gonna brush,” you said. 

Felix followed, sharing the sink space with you as you brushed your teeth in front of the large mirror. 

He wore a simple white shirt and blue flannel pants, you much more exposed in white cotton shorts and a tank top. Felix’s eyes darted briefly to your body and then back at your reflection in the mirror, and you suddenly felt much more aware of your appearance. 

When you finished, you crawled under the duvet again and enveloped yourself in the thick white sheets. You turned to face Felix, who climbed into his own bed across from you. 

“Thank you,” you said to him again. “For tonight.”

Felix nodded nervously. “You deserve it.”

And sleep washed over you quickly. 

*

“So how should I begin this? I guess it started when you were with him”

Felix hadn’t slept at all- in fact, he spent a good portion of the night facing you and letting the steady sound of your breathing fill the room. Rather he couldn’t sleep, unable to contain the growing bulge in his pants at the sight of your figure. 

He felt like such a loser again, his mind going back to summer when you made all those plans for a hotel room. And yet here he was, sleeping a few feet away from you in his own bed, having unholy thoughts about someone with a boyfriend. It was an unprecedented level of pathetic he felt. 

Trying his best not to wake you, he slipped out from the covers, tip-toeing his way to the bathroom. At least he could get some relief in there and maybe get some shut-eye. 

But his efforts were futile, waking you up as soon as he took the first steps toward you.

“Felix?” You called out. 

“Sorry,” he responded quickly, awkwardly bending over to hide his crotch. “I couldn’t sleep. Was gonna get a drink of water.”

You smiled sympathetically, patting the bed next to you. “Get in,” you said politely. He panicked. 

You’d surely find out about the ongoing incident if he complied. But selfishly, he wanted to, hoping that being closer to you would help it die down. A dense thought process, that’s for sure. 

So he obeyed, pulling his t-shirt down and slipping under the sheets so fast you couldn’t possibly have noticed in this darkness. You turned to face him, finally being able to see his face at this proximity. And for a minute, the two of you said nothing, gazing at each other under the dim glow of the city lights outside. 

You can’t remember who initiated it first, thinking it might’ve very well been you, who scooted closer and kissed him. 

Felix shut his eyes instinctively, like he knew this was going to happen. But the fact was, he didn’t. His heartbeat raced at a concerning speed now, head dizzy with thoughts. Still, he said nothing. Asked nothing. He just stayed there, kissing you back like his life depended on it. 

A tender hand found its way to your cheek, where he brushed a strand of your hair aside to place little kisses along your face. In doing so, he moved even closer, accidentally brushing his waist against your thigh. 

“Fuck,” Felix said while pulling away. “I’m sorry. I’m really sorry.”

He was rock hard now, head spinning with the reminder of how you tasted and breathed against him like this. 

You hoisted yourself up, looking down at his fearful expression. But you didn’t say anything in response, instead leaning down to kiss him again. His kisses were more desperate this time, little moans escaping into your mouth as you ran your tongue along his bottom lip. You pulled away again for a breath, and Felix panicked thinking you might leave or stop. 

This time however, you climbed over his delicate frame, straddling his waist as he sat up and rested his back against the headboard. His crotch pressed against you eagerly, but you stayed there for an excruciating few minutes, running a hand over his chest and into his blonde locks. 

“Blonde…” you said in an amused tone.

You traced his freckles with a single finger, sliding down to graze over the slope of his nose and then over his plump, needy lips. 

“Please…” Felix whispered as you leaned in to kiss him. “Please,” he said again between soft kisses. “Please, please, please…” 

His usually deep voice was much higher in pitch when he was this needy, and you’d never heard it this way before. 

“Mmm. Please what?” You said against his wet lips. He hesitated for a moment. 

“Please… use me…” he said shyly, a twinge of desperation as his breath hitched in his throat. His hips rocked gently against yours, reluctant hands finding their way down to your waist. 

The friction made you moan softly against him, and it was your turn to kiss him with longing. You wasted no more time reaching a hand between the two of you to pull off his pants as he slid your shorts down. You wrapped your legs around his torso in just your panties, clothed cock pressed firmly against your growing wetness, and he groaned in frustration. 

“Fuck…” he breathed out. “Don’t move or I might finish.”

You smiled between gentle kisses to his collarbones. Knowing he wasn’t exaggerating about finishing prematurely, you finally pulled his boxers down, wrapping one hand around his length and moving up and down. 

“Ah…” Felix struggled against your touch. 

“What’s wrong?” You cooed sweetly. “Gonna finish?”

He nodded with his eyes squeezed shut tightly. 

“That’s okay,” you said with a smile. “You can cum if you want to.” 

“I don’t… ah…” 

And with a scrunched nose, he found his release, making a mess all over his stomach between you. 

“Fuck,” Felix said. “I didn’t want to finish yet. Sorry.” His eyes were teary and spaced out as he caught his breath. 

You circled the strings of liquid with your index finger, dipping into his navel to gather some on the tips of your fingers. 

“That’s okay,” you said calmly, bending down to kiss him again. “I didn’t say I was done using you.”

Felix swallowed nervously, trying his best to hold back the inevitable tears. 

“You okay to give me one more?” You said, sliding your hand down between your legs to play with yourself. You circled your clit with his cum, gasping in pleasure at the warm sensation. 

Tears fell from his face as he nodded and waited for your instruction. 

“Good,” you said, kissing away his tears as you continued to touch yourself. “Tell me if you want to stop, okay?”

Felix nodded nervously, watching intently as you finally removed your panties and spread further to take all of him. With gentle movements, you wrapped your arms around his neck, positioning over him and sliding down ever so slowly. His hands gripped your waist as he helped fill you up. 

It was a sensation Felix hadn’t been prepared for. He winced at the overstimulation, trying his best to remain semi-hard so you’d have a chance to finish. But the feeling of you gently bouncing on his cock made him cry even more, desperate to help you find your release and to hear you shower him with praise. 

“Doing so good,” you told him between breathless movements. “Kiss me.”

He obeyed, planting sloppy tear-stained kisses on your mouth as you used him for your own pleasure. He pulled away again, mouth finding its way to your breasts, where he kissed and sucked your nipples with fondness. 

And between his fervent kisses in the valley of your breasts, you found your own release, clutching his shoulders as you trembled and dribbled cum all over his length. 

You slid off of him with ease and back onto the bed, where you both took a minute to catch your breath. Felix was unsure of what to say, and you could hardly form a sentence. 

Instead you got dressed again and sat up to go to the bathroom. “Gonna get cleaned up,” you said simply. 

As you stood, Felix gripped your wrist, pulling you toward him again. “Don’t leave,” he said in a frightened tone. 

“I just need tissues,” you explained. 

“Don’t leave,” he said again, tears trickling down his face. 

“Felix, I’m just-”

“I’m in love with you,” Felix blurted out. 

Your heart raced and you took a deep breath. You stood between his legs observing the way he now let out dramatic sobs as he began to speak. 

“I’m so fucking in love with you and I can’t help it. I’ve always loved you. Ever since we were kids. You can hold me and comfort me until I stop crying but it’s not gonna change the fact that I’m crying because I love you.”

You reached a hand up, tucking a strand of hair behind his ear. He continued talking as he cried, the stream of consciousness giving him the confidence he’d always yearned to utilize. 

“I tried. I tried for so long with other girls, with other people. It was never the same. I thought there was something wrong with me because I’d cry so much whenever I was with you. And it never happened with anyone else. It took me years and some stupid hookups before I realized it was because I was always in love with you. 

That’s why I came back. You make me feel so damn safe all the time. I can’t taste Oreo mcflurries or raspberry chapstick without thinking of you first. I would’ve still been in love with you if you kept ignoring me. I’m still in love with you even though you have him. And I don’t know what we’re doing, but I do know that I’m in love with you. Back then, and now, and in five years time.”

He hung his head in shame, crying like a guilty child, and you towered over him in silence. He’d never felt so vulnerable before, crying in front of the girl he loved in complete nudity. 

Part of you knew this was coming- there was no denying Felix hadn’t been the most inconspicuous about his romantic feelings toward you since returning. But you couldn’t find the words to say to him, knowing anything you could say right now was only going to hurt him. You and Mark weren’t technically broken up yet, and your heart largely remained there still. You and Felix also led two completely different lives- yours, a monotonous adult routine, and his, riddled with fame and splendor. It was never going to work the way he wanted it to. This was all a fleeting thing like it had been back then- this wasn’t reality. 

“Please say something,” Felix pleaded.

“I’m sorry,” you said quietly. “We shouldn’t have done this.”

He looked up at you through tears, hardly making out the expression on your face as the room blurred around him. And with a simple nod, he understood. You were not in love with Felix. 

With a gentle release of your wrists, he allowed you to get cleaned up, crying in front of the bathroom mirror as you rid yourself of his traces. When you returned, Felix was back in his own bed, lying on his side away from you.

Not so much as a sniffle was heard as you turned out the light again, falling asleep to his words replaying in your head like a broken record. 

*

“Did he ever make you cum? Did he ever make you cry?”

You were up early that morning, quick to shower last night’s mistake off your aching body. Felix stayed in bed facing the window, forcing himself to keep his eyes shut though he wasn’t asleep. His eyes could hardly pry themselves open anyway, now swollen and red from all the crying he’d done. 

When you finished getting dressed, you sat on the edge of your bed, staring out at the view in the daytime. The city was completely different at this time of day. People looked like little ants from this high up, and you followed their paths as they navigated the world below. Into stores, apartment buildings, even meeting for coffee. It was so human- so unpredictable where the next little ant would find themselves. So uncertain. 

You heard Felix shuffle about in bed, and you decided to go check on him for the first time, holding your breath as you made your way to his side. 

“Felix,” you said timidly. “You should eat something.”

He kept his eyes shut, furrowing his brows into a frown as he felt your hand run through his hair. 

“Not hungry,” he said in a raspy voice. 

“Come on,” you replied. “Checkout’s at 11. We’ve only got two hours to enjoy this view before we have to leave.”

Felix fluttered one eye open, looking at you for the first time since last night. His heart pained him all over again. Your hair was still damp from your shower, face free of makeup and the lingering scent of peaches on your skin. 

He exhaled through his nose, eyes wandering past you and zoning out. 

And then with some hesitation, you crawled into the unmade bed beside him, slipping under the covers and wrapping an arm around him the way you always used to. You held him like that for a minute, rubbing his arm soothingly and playing with the back of his hair. 

Felix couldn’t feel excited about any of it, too heartbroken to feel anything but sorrow in your arms now. Tears brimmed his eyes again as you lulled him into another wave of sleepiness. 

“Do you love him?” Felix broke the silence suddenly. You swallowed, finally choosing to be honest with him. It was the least you could do while he grieved. 

“Yeah. I do.”

“Does he… satisfy you?” Felix asked. You were taken aback at the question, and Felix was shocked that he brought it up. But he needed closure right now. He needed answers to the questions he’d been overthinking all week. 

“Mhm.”

He thought for a second. “Does he ever make you cry?”

It was your turn to think for a minute. “Sometimes. When we fight, I guess. It’s not often, though.”

Felix shut his eyes again, wanting to ask more questions, but feeling too tired and anguished. You continued massaging his arm, feeling his tension loosen in your touch. 

“Go back to sleep,” you said finally. “I’ll wake you when it’s time to check out.”

And he did, dozing off properly in your tender embrace.

*

When you parted ways that day, Felix knew very well he might never see you again. 

He’d messed things up by confessing how he felt, only to be met with what he’d feared all along- you were indeed in love with Mark. There was never a chance that the two of you would work out. Still, the truth pained him. The dull ache in his chest was made worse by the way you cared for him, giving his hand a little squeeze in the car and rubbing his back when he pulled you in for one last hug. He knew you were just trying to make him feel better. But deep down he was angry- at himself for not staying, at Mark for being able to call you his, even at you for being intimate with him last night. He didn’t regret it, but he did wish it ended the way he’d hoped it to. 

On the drive home, Felix had the realization that things were now different. His feelings were out there in the open, and you were free to do whatever you wanted with them. Regardless of how you felt, it meant things between you were going to change. 

He was no longer welcome to sneak into your room late at night- even as friends. He couldn’t bake you little surprises or text you at random times throughout the day. And the idea of ever kissing you again was just a distant daydream, so far out of reach it seemed like something that had never occurred in the first place. 

He wondered how you felt about the situation. And he wondered if you knew how terribly he regretted it. In an alternate universe, Felix had just let you go get cleaned up and cuddled you to sleep, pushing away the idea that you had cheated on your partner. It would have been a fleeting thing like it had always been. Like it was always supposed to be. A lingering thought made Felix consider calling you up to ask why you’d cheated on Mark if you loved him, but that would involve talking to you. 

What he didn’t know, of course, is that you weren’t in love with Mark anymore. 

*

“I hope we’re still friends, yeah I hope you don’t mind”

Standing in the living room you two shared, Mark wrapped up the last of his boxes with tape and looked over at you. The room had never felt this empty without his video game consoles or his sneakers lying around carelessly. 

“If I forget anything I’ll come by to pick it up later this week,” he said. “But that’s the most of it.”

You wiped a few stray tears. “Where are you going again?”

“I told you,” Mark said, sitting on the couch next to you and resting a hand on your thigh. “Couple friends have a room for rent just an hour from here. It’s safe. I don’t want you to worry.”

He reached up to wipe a tear with his thumb lovingly. You missed these moments- sitting on the couch together like this, only now they were tainted with heartbreak and mourning what once was. 

“Is she going to be there?” You asked after a moment. 

Mark looked down, and then back up at your face. “Do you remember when I had blue hair?” He asked suddenly. 

“What?”

“The blue hair. Arctic fresh, like you used to call it.”

You chuckled a little. That term had slipped your mind after graduation. 

“Yeah. I remember.”

“And you used to sit in the library all day.”

“Until you started stalking me.”

“Don’t act like you didn’t love it!” Mark retorted. The two of you laughed for a bit, and you almost forgot you were sad in the first place. 

“I didn’t know when you were gonna be there,” Mark continued. “I had no clue how to approach you. Hell, I didn't even know what kind of person you were gonna be.”

You listened to him as gestured with his hands. 

“That uncertainty- there was something so fun about it.”

There was that word again- one that had been on your mind lately. A lot of things felt uncertain as of right now. 

“Remember when we didn’t have a mattress?”

You shook your head. “God. Don’t remind me.” Mark laughed in response.

“We used jackets as blankets! It was fun though, wasn’t it? We thought we’d never finish furnishing the place. I kinda loved not knowing what it was going to look like yet.”

You pondered his words carefully. There was a lot of truth in them- the months you spent sleeping on the floor and eating microwave pizzas together for dinner were some of your most memorable times. You only got through it because you had hope that the future would make up for those nights. 

“You seemed happier too,” Mark said. “And I want you to be that happy all the time. I don’t want you to be scared of the future.”

You began to cry again, trembling as Mark pulled you in for a hug. 

“I don’t know how to do this without you,” you said. “This… routine. Being an adult.”

“You’ve always known how,” Mark said. “You just have to go live it. Don’t let yourself get stuck at a computer all day. Don’t let the only time you leave the house be to get coffee creamer at night.”

You smiled at him sheepishly. 

“I’m learning too,” Mark said. “I kinda want to get out of this city. Get a new job.”

You nodded. 

“And I want you to do some badass things,” he said, poking your knee and making you smile. “I want to hear all about them. But you gotta do them first!”

With a gentle sigh, you nodded again. 

Mark twiddled his fingers for a moment. 

“It’s him, isn’t it?”

“What?” You said, head snapping up to look at him. 

“Dude from the band.”

Your heart sped up, unsure of what to say. 

“I tried your parents’ house a few days ago. Two of you were headed out somewhere. Can’t believe I even recognized him, but I pieced it together.”

“Why… I mean-”

“Doesn’t matter,” he said with a reassuring shake of his head. “I want you to be happy. I wasn’t the most honest with you, either.”

After a pause, you took Mark’s hand in yours. “I’m sorry,” you said. “And I love you. And I’ll never stop loving you. Whether we’re together or not.”

He nodded at your words. “I know. And I’m sorry. I’m never out of reach- you know where to find me.”

Mark pulled you in for one last hug, crying softly into your shoulder. “Go find that happiness again,” he said. “I’ll always be here.”

After helping move his boxes to the car and exchanging your final goodbyes, you returned to the apartment, clutching the keys in hand like you did the very first time you got them.

The apartment felt quiet, yet strangely comfortable. You’d never seen so many sunbeams shine through the windows like this before- illuminating the empty corners with a hopeful glow. Despite the vacant areas, the apartment felt eerily beautiful like this. You caressed the drywall with a tender hand, thinking briefly about the potential this place always had. There were so many new spots for paintings and photos. So many opportunities to decorate again. So much to look forward to. 

*

“Swear we were only being honest”

Mark’s departure made a lot of things clear for you. You thought about what he said for days after adjusting to the empty apartment- about chasing happiness and learning to embrace the uncertainty you were always so afraid of. 

He was right. You had become a shell of the woman you once were, only existing to do work and repeat the routine that tricked you into believing it was the epitome of life itself. But it never had been- it was you who made it that way. 

Looking out your window at the empty street late at night, the only noise you could hear was the dull buzz of cicadas that stalked the tall grass.

You returned to your parents’ house for one last night to collect your things and say your goodbyes to your parents. Everything looked the same as it always did on nights like this- cars parked neatly in their spots, houses with their lights off, and neatly trimmed bushes swaying gently in the summer breeze. Your hands trembled as you climbed out the window, dressed for the weather in a light sweater and a pair of shorts. 

As you jogged out to the street, you paused to look up at the vast sky above you. The sky had never seen you this late at night like this, out in the middle of the street with such purpose. You were normally curled up with a book at this late hour.  Yet you greeted it with excitement and curiosity, laughing up at the constellations as you planted two feet in the concrete below you. 

After admiring the scenery at this time, you were on your way again, racing like a child down the block. You passed the houses you had always known, appreciating the way they were a steady part of your life for this long. You turned the corner with such vigor, you thought you might fall if you didn’t slow down. But you didn’t- you ran and ran, and you didn’t stop. 

Felix’s house was a mere three blocks from yours, yet you’d never visited in the middle of the night like this. It has always been him to initiate it. He was the risk-taker, the troublemaker, a fact you forced yourself to challenge after your conversation with Mark. 

When you arrived, you looked up at his house, unsure of what to do for a moment. You weren’t entirely sure which room was his anymore. 

So you pulled out your phone, dialing him before you could stop to overthink it. Felix answered on the second ring.

“Hi,” you breathed. 

He paused for a moment. 

“Are you… okay?”

“I’m fine,” you replied. “Could you open the window?”

“What?”

“The window. I can’t remember which one is yours- God your grass is tall. There aren't any spiders here, right?”

Before you could finish, the curtains drew back in front of the window closest to you, and Felix stood there with his cellphone pressed to his ear. He observed the way you scratched at an itch on your ankle, finally looking up to meet his gaze and giving him a little wave. 

“Aren’t you cold?” He asked, dropping his phone down at his side as you walked over. 

“Not a bit. It’s actually kinda nice out.”

He helped you climb in, and you looked around the room with wonder in your eyes. 

“Wow. I haven’t been here since we were kids.” 

The walls were lined with old photos of him, neatly arrayed in white picture frames. There was a large desk opposite his bed with old taekwondo medals hanging directly above. And his bed was neatly made, except for one corner from which Felix had untucked himself from. 

“What are you doing here?” Felix asked with hesitation. His voice was tinged with sadness still. 

You set a paper bag down on the desk, turning to face him. “Little something from me.”

Felix looked at the bag and then at you again. You eyed him for a moment, noticing his unkempt hair and the subtle bags under his eyes. His blonde locks were pushed out of his face, framing his expression of sorrow. He wore a plain black t-shirt and sweatpants, much simpler than you’d seen him dressed on other days, yet he somehow still looked so sophisticated. 

With reluctance in his step, he unfolded the bag, reaching inside to pull out a small Oreo McFlurry and a carton of fries. He examined the cup, setting it down again and avoiding eye contact. 

“I told you I don’t get these anymore.” 

“No,” you said. “You said you couldn’t get them because they brought back memories.”

He shrugged. “Yeah. What’s the difference?”

“The difference is that I’m here now. And you don’t have to stop doing all your favorite things because they bring back memories.”

“You don’t get it,” he said, sighing again. “Please don’t make me say it again.”

You hid your hands in the sleeves of your sweater, eyes trembling with fear as you began to speak. Breaking down your walls around other people was always a difficult feat for you. 

“You don’t have to say anything,” you told him. “Just please listen to me and then I’ll get out of here.”

Felix sat on the edge of the bed with his hands on his knees.

“Felix- you and I live completely different lives. You left before my life even started. Most of what I know about you I had to learn through google searches. You wake up in different countries 6 out of 7 days in the week. You know what you want, and every single day is different for you.”

“You googled me?” Felix said. You ignored his question as you continued to speak. 

“You have to understand that this never would have worked out between us.”

He hung his head and wiped a few stray tears with the back of his hand. “I kind of figured it wasn’t going to work out. You didn’t have to come here to tell me again.”

“I came here,” you interrupted him. “Because I’m in love with you.”

His head snapped up this time, eyebrows furrowed together in confusion as you continued to speak through tears. 

“And it scares the hell out of me. We’re two different people in two completely different worlds, but it doesn’t change the fact that it’s always been you. And it’s always going to be you. There’s no one else I’d rather get McDonald’s with at 3 in the morning. Or stain fancy tablecloths with. I love it when you do that thing where you check your pulse when you get nervous. Or when you bake me little desserts, even though I never ask you to. And I love wiping your tears after we get intimate, because I hate seeing you sad and I’d spend a lifetime wiping your tears if it meant I could be by your side.”

The room fell quiet as you finished. Felix looked up with an expression of sorrow and shock. His eyes welled with tears as he sniffled and gave you one short nod. 

“How about Mark?”

You smiled and shrugged. “Sometimes love has other plans.”

And Felix smiled for the first time tonight, stretching out both arms toward you, which you wasted no time running into. He wrapped his arms around your waist, pulling you into his lap and holding you for a moment as you both laughed through sniffles. 

As he pulled away to look into your eyes, his thumbs wiped your tears away delicately, caressing your face in a gentle embrace. 

“I don’t want to lose you again,” he said suddenly. His expression shifted to that of concern.

“You have me right now,” you said calmly. “And we’ll figure out the rest. I don’t want to get too caught up in worrying about the future.”

He smiled again, moving a strand of hair out of your face as he leaned in to kiss you. His lips tasted like raspberry, moving gently along yours as you smiled against him. 

“What happens now?”

You thought about it for a moment. It was a good question- you hadn’t thought about where the night was going to take you after this conversation. 

“Let’s go out.” 

“Now? It’s almost 2 in the morning.”

“Now. Let’s go anywhere. I just want to be with you.”

Felix ran a hand through your hair as he chuckled. 

“You’re full of surprises tonight.”

You climbed off of him as he walked to the closet and picked out a pair of pants. And you sat watching him eagerly, afraid you might lose him if you looked away for even a second. 

When he turned around again to button his pants, he locked eyes with your tender gaze and smiled. The moonlight glistened through the window onto your skin, little blue patches painting your frame delicately like an oil painting. Your eyes sparkled with longing for him, and he smiled at the way you blinked up at him with such endearment. 

“I love you,” you said suddenly. 

“I love you,” he replied, leaning down to kiss you. “I love you. I love you. I really love you.”

When he finished getting dressed, he took your hand in his, helping you out the window and into the cool summer air. The cicadas and birds were quiet, and the only sounds you could hear came from the trees rustling in the nighttime breeze. Felix towered over you in the dim glow of the streetlights, never once looking away from the twinkle in your eyes as you spoke. And you continued, with no destination in mind, down the streets you had explored so many times as kids together. The same picket fences and concrete roads seemed so much more charming this way- hands interlocked as you stopped every now and then to exchange kisses and share spoonfuls of the now melted Oreo McFlurry. At last, you were home again- all was safe. 

*

“All by yourself, sitting alone”

The loud chime of the overhead speaker caught your attention as you meticulously worked to buckle your seatbelt. All around you, people took their seats too, children squirming with excitement and couples assisting each other with the overhead bins in the aisles. You sat alone, taking in the atmosphere as you prepared for hours of being sat here. 

Thoughts of doubt rushed to your mind as you examined a Korean pamphlet in front of you- was this the right decision? Were you going to be happy? Would you even find work there?

Your throat went dry thinking about the endless possibilities. And then you remembered Mark’s kind words echoing through you- “go chase that happiness”. 

You were never going to know if you didn’t get out there first. Maybe this was where you were always meant to be. 

In between conversations with yourself, your phone buzzed with a new text. You checked it frantically, smiling at the message.

Felix: 🐣

Your heartbeat slowed again, and you took a deep breath as you pushed your negative thoughts aside. You were finally chasing your happiness- Felix was your happiness. And maybe traveling 5,000 miles for the guy you loved seemed crazy, but it felt right. As long as you were by his side, you would face the future together. 

You shot him back a little sunshine emoji before putting your phone away again. And you shut your eyes, grateful for the gentle reminder of why you were doing this. You weren’t certain about much, but you were certain about Lee Felix. And maybe that was enough.

[snowdrop-ivy]

Favor. | Part 5

Summary: Ari Levinson was an ego embodied in a man. Yep, he's an asshole. Y/N knows it yet she still married him. How? She doesn't know. And now, she doesn't know how to get him to sign the divorce papers.

A/N: Hey! Been MIA but I hope you enjoy this! This is a repost bc I forgot to add the title. LOL

“What do I need to do?”

“I don’t know…” She shrugged. “I’m scared that I’ll get hurt again.”

Ari licked his lip and nodded. “Okay.”

“Okay what?”

“Just okay,” He gave her a reassuring smile. He knows what to do. He’ll just try. Try until it’s over. If he wants her back, he has to do everything. And that’s what he’ll do. Just do everything. “You’re gonna sleep?” He asked before changing into his boxers and laying down on their bed.

She looked at him with confusion in her eyes. Her mouth was half-opened about to say something but she pursed her lips and nodded. “Sure.”

She laid down beside him staring at the ceiling. He turned to her and just gazed at her. Seizing the moment that she has with her. He’s not sure how this will end but if she still doesn't want to try then he’ll accept it and give her the freedom she wants. “Sweet dreams, honey.”

She let out a laugh before turning to him. “What are you doing?”

“What?” He giggled. “I can’t say sweet dreams to you?”

She answered with a chuckle and shook her head. “Sweet dreams, Ari.”

And that went on for countless months. She saw what he’s doing but he doesn’t know what for. And what that okay means. It’s been bothering her but she’s shrugging it off because there’s more to think about than her marriage. It was one of the days where they didn't have any guests. It was a rest and calming day for all of them. The staff went out to enjoy themselves. Max, Jake, and Sammy were racing on the beach. Angela’s sunbathing. Ari’s out for a run. And Y/N, she's reading a book she bought at the reception. She was on the verge to fall asleep when she heard the door chimes which made her bolt. “Welcome to Red Sea Diving Resort!”

“Yeah, welcome…” The voice said walking to her. It’s Walter? Walton? Fuck, she forgot. She forgot about him completely. “Mrs. Levinson?”

She was stunned. “No, it’s Thomas, Walter?”

He gave out a mirthless chuckle. “Walton.”

“Right…” She nodded. “It’s Thomas.”

“Thomas?”

She pointed at herself. “It’s Mrs. Thomas.” She looked at his two companions, who she thinks are American from their look.

“Okay,” He answered. God, she hates that word. “Where can I find Mr. Thomas?”

Ari’s at her 3rd lap across the shore. He noticed the guys and Angela outside so he thought that it’ll be a good idea to have lunch with his wife. He brought his walkman and ran inside the hotel. “Honey? Where are you?”

“In here,” She answered and stood up. She seated them at the lounge as they’re waiting for him. 

“Speaking of…” Walton stood up and faced him. Ari was confused as to why he was here. He saw Walton and Y/N together and his instinct was to get in front of his wife.

“We were waiting for you” Y/N stated as he took off his earphones. He had his arm on his waist, panting from exhaustion, and nodded before eyeing Walter.

“Mr. Thomas, it’s nice to see you again,” Walton smiled and offered his hand.

Ari shook his hand. “This is a surprise.”

Y/N felt the tension from the two. I mean, they’re just staring at each other, not letting go of their hands. 

“I bet it is,” Walton smiled. “You’re not an easy man to find.”

Ari let out a fake laugh and held her waist. She felt him tensing beside her. 

“Last time I saw you was 2 years ago,” Walton mentioned and pointed at them. “You were an anthropologist back then.”

Ari hanged his head and smirked. “Right, well, that didn’t pay the bills.”

“Yeah,” He agreed and turned to you. “And how ‘bout you?”

“I stayed home and waited for this one,” She smiled and patted Ari’s stomach. “I’ll just be in our room honey,” She stated before giving Ari a kiss on the cheek.

Ari waited for his wife to go out of the room before leading Walton to the dining room and they sat down. “Well,” Walton opened up. “The hawks are demanding stricter Sharia law. Nimeria is getting paranoid. If you ask me, this entire country is a fucking tinder box.”

Ari crossed his arms and looked around the resort. “Really?” He asked like he doesn’t know anything. “We don’t really feel that out here.”

“No?” Walton questioned. He raised his brow and gave a half-smile.

“No,” Ari confirmed, shaking his head. 

“Well,” Walton clasped his hands. “State’s sent cargo planes for us ready to evac in the event things take a turn for the worse.”

“Oh,” Ari sounded surprised. That he didn’t know.

“And this refugee crisis, it’s really not helping. You have entire refugee neighborhoods just disappearing. Into thin air,” He gestured like the wind. “The UN offers a stipend to the Sudanese for every refugee they house so when people start to disappear that’s just…” He chuckled. “...bad for business.”

“Well,” Ari rested his chin on his hand before snickering. “Only crisis we face is whether or not we catch fresh lobster,” he let out a laugh. “Just kidding.”

Walton laughed with him before looking at the table. “Well, I just got back from Gedaref where the Mukhbarat had executed another 30 people. This is quite serious.”

Ari felt his cheek tensing from holding his smile. He nodded before inhaling deeply. “I’d like to stay and chat but I gotta make lunch for my wife.”

“Sure…” Walton agreed.

“Okay,” He replied. “Enjoy the..” He said before standing up to go to Y/N.

“Kabede Bimro, right?” Walton said like it’s a question before turning his head to Ari’s direction.

Ari looked at him with questions in his eyes. “Excuse me?” He played dumbfounded.

“Hmm?” Walton enquired then stood up and buttoned his coat. “I think it’s such a funny name.”

“Yeah,” Ari nodded slightly before turning around to go to the kitchen. 

Y/N was slicing vegetables on the counter when he entered. The four was peeping through the crack watching.

“What’s the CIA doing here?” Sammy asked.

“What did he want?” Angela asked this time.

Ari propped his arms on the counter beside Angela and watched Walton leave. “I don’t know… I think to warn us.”

Jake slammed his head on the wall. “Fuck! He knows about Kabede.”

“All right, we gotta go,” Ari turned to Y/N.

She looked at him and furrowed her brow. “No, this is just so fucking stupid.”

“Right,” Sammy agreed. “Tell Kabede it’s too dangerous. We’ll pick it up in two weeks when we have a chance to assess the threat.”

Y/N furrowed her brow even more and dropped the knife. “We have 200 people—”

“We’ll have 200 more people less if we fuck it up,” Sammy turned to her. 

Ari went in front of her. “For fuck’s sake, Sammy, will you just trust me for once?” He raised his voice. 

Y/N looked through the cracks to confirm if Walton left. “They’re still here. Lower your fucking voice.”

A moment passed between Ari and Sammy. No one spoke and just looked at them. Max cleared his throat. “Well, if we’re doing this, we need to leave now.”

“What’s it gonna be?” Angela asked.

The men went on to pick up the refugees while Y/N and Angela packed their things. They made sure to clean the place up and leave no trace. Y/N went to Angela’s room to hear what’s going on and what she just heard were gunshots. She saw Angela on the bed, covering her mouth with her hand and her legs bouncing up. 

“What the fuck is happening?” She held her breath. “Is Ari shot? Are they okay?”

“If you engage, it’s all over. I’ll handle it,” Ari said through the comms.

Y/N huddled into a corner and wringed her hands over her head. Her breaths were fast and unsteady. And her head felt like it was exploding from the stress. She doesn’t know what’s happening and what’s going to happen. She stayed in that position for what felt like hours till she heard the door open. It was Angela, she glanced around and saw herself on the bed.

“Hey,” she lightly smiled. “You fell asleep.”

“Where are they?” Y/N’s hoarse voice asked.

“I don’t know,” She answered honestly. “I made coffee. We should wait for them outside.”

Angela and Y/N had their own blanket wrapped around their shoulders as they strolled the entrance of the resort. Their heads turned when they heard trucks coming. Y/N felt a relief when she saw both trucks. Max and Jake went out off the trucks. No sign of Sammy or Ari. It was just them. Angela ran up to them. Y/N stood up to hug them and peeked at the trucks.

“Where’s Ari and Sammy?” Y/N breathed in a question.

Jake didn’t answer her. She led her inside to sit and listened to the comms. Y/N didn’t have the voice to ask again since all she’s been doing is crying. They sat there and just waited for confirmation. An answer. An anything to let her know if Ari’s safe. Max lit a cigarette and shared it with her.

“Taxis has reached base,” Buchanan entered on the comms. “Cargo is safely on board.”

The four of them sighed in relief and nodded their heads. Jake rested his head against her shoulder and snatched the cigarette.

“Copy that.”

“Is there any news on team leader?”

“We;ve been monitoring radio transmissions in Khartoum. Nothing new.”

Y/N felt another batch of tears streaming down her face. All of the scenarios they went through but nothing like this. Fuck! She blamed herself on why she didn't think of this. She thought of places where they could be but she keeps ending up in nothing.

[oh-katsuki]

original pinned!

hello :)) okay so i mentioned this a little bit ago, but i will be moving blogs in the coming days and will be shifting entirely onto the blog @woahjo. i've decided to go by the same pseud i currently use, (because i feel like i'm lying if i don't and i hate that LMFAO) though i considered going by a new one, and my ao3 will be staying the same. i also won't be reposting anything to the new blog just yet (maybe a few of my favorites eventually), but i'll be leaving this blog up! the new blog (ofc) is a writing blog and will function essentially the same way this one does. please come join me over there if you like. i'd feel very honored <3

i'm not sure how many people really care all that much about what i have to say about this, but i'll say a little bit anyway bc i feel a lot of responsibility and big feelings towards this blog.

tldr; i'm switching blogs. it's silly to get emotional but i love it here, i love you, please come say hello over on the new one if you'd like.

i've been feeling this way for a while, and while the recent discourse had an effect, it's mostly a result of my own feelings. i just think it may be time to get a bit of a fresh start. i've had this space for nearly three years now and the community that's been built on this blog is beyond what i ever could have imagined when i first started writing. i know i'm getting a little sappy, but frankly, im shocked people wanted to be here and follow my writing at all. (i never know what to say when people tell me they do) it really humbles me and i hope to continue writing for many many years to come.

i recently took a long look at the way i view fandom culture and space, as well as how it affects me, and i sort of came out on the other side realizing that it might be time for a change of scene. i love this space. i love this community. it's something that i am deeply proud of to a point that i feel very emotional over leaving (clearly lol). in fact, i'm incredibly nervous about posting this. there's a lot of anxiety in posting your art for people to see and it makes me feel vulnerable to type a post like this telling y'all just how much i appreciate you and the part you've all played in this lovely little spot. i'm very emotionally attached to this place.

but!!! i'm excited for the type of creative refresh effect a new blog might have, as well as the ability to get to chat with you guys a little more and make friends. things get lost on here (both because tumblr sucks and because my blog is so messy that it makes me physically nervous to think about) and im hoping to be able to keep my new blog clean and tidy so that everything is easier to find. i've been feeling writer's block for a while now and i feel like having "more space to roam" (for lack of a better phrase) might have a really nice effect.

anyway, all this to say that i love it here. for those of you that choose to follow me to my new blog, please come say hello. and of course the group of old mutuals who are no longer active, i love y'all. if you ever come back to tumblr when ur old and gray, come say hi since i'll probably be writing x reader anime fic still. lol

[aidaronan]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

Tagged by @wynnyfryd and @stevethehairington. Thank!!! 1. How many works do you have on AO3?

I have 131 (Jesus Christ)

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

1,069,649

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Currently I write primarily Stranger Things with the occasion OFMD but I have written for Marvel (Stucky, Sambucky, Danbeau, gen), The Old Guard, and The Walking Dead. I tend to hyperfixate on a ship/fandom for a few years and then mostly move on when for whatever reason I no longer have interest.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos? Steddie completely overtook all my top fics, which is pretty wild. The top five are: The Prettiest Boy in Hawkins, Indiana Anywhere, Anytime Critical Hit It's Not a Big Deal I'd Burn the Castle for You

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Sometimes. I very much like to interact with fandom and fandom people. That's kind of the whole point. But I'm ultimately a person with a lot going on and treating comments like they're transactional (aka always owed a response) makes responding to comments feel like a job which is exhausting for me personally.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I mean, as much as I generally like a hopeful ending, there's a fair few. I mean, I was in The Walking Dead fandom where anyone can die so... lol But a recentish one I can remember is one I don't talk about much or promote really bc I don't like to think about it all that often. It's just Steve sneaking back into the Upside Down to bury Eddie. Nothing else, just closure. I wrote it when I was processing some feelings about losing my grandma's cat in a pretty traumatic way. I bottle fed him as a baby and always considered him kind of my cat too. Because of how and when it all happened, I had to take charge and bury him all alone, so I sort of used Steve to get some of it out.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Lol I tend to do Happy Endings so... God, hard to pick. I like the way I'd Burn the Castle for You ends because it's happy but it feels really grounded at the same time which I think makes it happier because it feels like they could actually have it. But when I think of the happiest, I might have to go back to Stucky and We didn't need this to love each other, but I'm glad we get to do it anyway which is a fic where Steve and Bucky never went to war, find a way to live a whole life together despite how hard it was to do so, and then get married when it's finally legal in NY. (Yes, I will keep using the characters getting married when it's finally legal trope because 1. I'm actually a sap, and 2. It's a good reminder that it's recent and hard-won.)

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Sometimes, not in a while

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Well. Hahahhahaha It can be anything from tender lovemaking to hardcore to hardcore with monsters and any mix or combo of those.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

Crossovers in the sense of characters from different fandoms interacting? Not in a very long time, I don't think?

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Stolen where they attempt to pass it off as theirs, I don't think so. I have, however, had quite a few rude little fuckers repost it on Wattpad lol

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes! A few of my Stucky fics were translated into Russian.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No because I'm terrible at asking for people to work on stuff with me lol I am trying to get better at not thinking I'm annoying everyone all the time and actually talk about collabs and things. @sparklyslug and I are maybe going to do something if we can stop signing up for bangs lmao

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

I can't answer this because the answer is always going to change based on whatever I'm into at the time lol

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I can't point to any specific one because I genuinely don't know which ones I will and won't finish. BUT I do know there's never any conceivable way I'll finish all of my WIPs because just for Stranger Things, I have like 59. Maybe I'll say the Paramedic fic because I sort of lost the will to work on it after I took it down. It didn't really feel like there was any interest.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Dialogue. And fucknasty porn if we're being honest.

17. What are your writing weaknesses? I sometimes feel like I really struggle writing any interpersonal relationships because I'm pretty bad at them irl. I know ADHD bleeds into my work and in every single character I write even if they don't intentionally have ADHD traits because I'll never ever actually understand the world from any other perspective. I also have to resist overexplaining shit even in my writing. I'm also bad at actually, you know, starting the task of writing sometimes lmaooo Plus just, like, me and my insecurities. Which is more of a personal weakness but it def affects how I interact with some of my own work/responses to it sometimes. Also see above and hate asking for "help" and being a "bother" and the fact that only like a few of my stories are beta'd lol

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I don't do it very often, esp in Steddie. But I've done it in the past (I mean, Bucky Barnes, so...) It's like anything else in writing. You do it when you have a reason to do it and you consider the why of it and how different readers might interact with it and how you WANT them to interact with it.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

MCR and The Used bandfic back on motherfucking Quizilla

20. Favorite fic you’ve written? Not to flex with the fact that I have 131 works on ao3 and that I've been writing on there for over 10 years, but there are so many things I love and love still--or even things I don't love still and would do a completely different way but love the memory of, or even just the accomplishment represented by that thing--that it'd be impossible to pick just one. But I'll talk about a few that come to mind - Fave Steddie is still Cut and Changed and Rearranged and my baby bisexual Steve learning he is loved

I love the work and historical research I put into The Second Labor, my alt version of the first Captain America movie where Steve joins the war effort in a different way.

And I also love my Cyberpunk Stucky, Empires Fall, but Not Us and think of it fondly.

Anyway thanks again for the tags Wynn and Mack 🥰! This was a nice little reflection moment lol Tagging @sparklyslug @greatunironic @banannabethchase @vecnuthy @starryeyedjanai

[spicyicymeloncat]

Aww yes, it’s a DTIYS

(This is a repost because the tags might be broken and I’m testing whether it was just that post or something)

Yee thanks for 300 followers :]!! I've always had fun doing other people's dtiys, and I wanted to do one of my own!!

(Sorry if the colours are too bright, I'm putting a desaturated edit under the cut as well as a version without the background)

~~~

There will be prizes for 1st, 2nd, and 3rd places (and potentially drawing requests for any runners up!)

1st - fully shaded drawing of an oc or characterof your choice (doesn't have to be Ninjago)

2nd and 3rd (they get same prize bc yeah) colored drawing of an oc or character of choice (doesn't have to be Ninjago)

(Further details will be discussed with winners, warning, I'm not sure how fast l'Il do the rewards so we'll see how it goes )

~~~

Deadline is 26th of October - so two weeks from now!

(Might change depending on what happens lol)

~~~

Tag with #spicyicydtiys300 in submissions and just to be safe @me also. If I don't reblog ur post in 2 days pls msg me!!

~~~

Feel free to be as creative as you like, and have fun!!!

~~~

Explanation on the actual drawing + extra images below cut

Low saturated version and non background versions.

~~~

So the image is from my Ninjago s11 rewrite, and if you're confused by the plant pot then I suggest checking the end of this post (read from corruption). That was totally not a shameless ploy to lure you into my rewrite aha, but I thought the dtiys should be relevant to something on le blog!

I don't think there's an easy way of explaining the plant plot apart from reading the rewrite, but essentially, in the rewrite, Zane is fully conscious when becoming the ice emperor, but after experiencing a lot of emotional turmoil, he resorts to trying to keep him and everyone safe by freezing everyone and have their consciousness roam an empty void in their minds. Zane's innocent feelings are here, whilst the ice emperor acts as a cold exterior shell that hunts for other people in the realm to "protect". The plant pot holds a frosted over sapling for a traveller's tree, which Zane had been tending to inside his mind (and it's like a metaphor for spring or something). Yeah!

[a-little-lostmoon]

HTTYD TWST AU - TREY

Trey Clover, a viking who hails from a humble background and family of bakers. He’s never been fond of dragon killing, but is able to fight to protect those he cares about. Trey’s practically dragon-nip to any hungry creatures in the area.

(a repost bc this idiot forgot to tag)

okay so. i know i was supposed to be working on a bigger thing but i got a bit… side tracked (also its taking forever hdnfksk) my friend recently watched httyd 2 which inspired me to then watch rtte again which is what I was doing while drawing and I had the impulsive urge to draw a dragon but make it twst and so i did!

I’m not sure whether i’ll do more of this or expand on the lore bc rn its just a fun drawing exercise/brainrot thing but I do want to draw more for it so hopefully u’ll see more of that soon!

Here are a few afterthoughts abt this au if ur curious :

Trey nor Azul will have glasses in this AU (probably) unless I change the time period a bit since glasses aren’t a thing in HTTYD so Trey is mostly blind. I thought abt making him an archer (hence his style of glove and armor that idrk is accurate or note) but due to his… ahem nearsightedness, that idea will probably have to be scrapped since bitch can’t see. So he’s mostly just.. cooking food for the ppl and dragons or helping hold down the base.

The things he can cook are somewhat limited (bc again time period) but thanks to Kalim and the Al-Asim’s trading business being funders of the Raven Outpost, Trey gets to experience making new recipes for the first time!

I don’t think Trey’s final dragon partner will be a terrible terror but. small dragon. I wasn’t in the mood to draw something big lol. But… if i had to pick one.. hmm… I think Trey would have.. maybe like a windstriker? I’m not too certain on that but I think it’d work. If I ever expand on this i’ll think more in depth abt specific dragons for them all

but the island’s terrible terrors absolutely love him lol they feed off his cooking scraps

One of his other main jobs on the edge though, aside from cooking and baking, is gardening! That’s moreso for habit though, since their watering system is quick thanks to the help of some various dragons on the island. Aside from those like Jade and Rook, Trey’s one of the most trustworthy on the scale of “He picked up this random leaf and told you it was okay to eat.”

[cinematicsoph]

valntyne • calum hood blurb

summary: it's your first valentines day in a relationship and you're super excited. however, everything that could go wrong - did. and your boyfriend doesn't even seem to remember it's valentines day…or does he?

warnings: swearing, super duper cheesy…like extremely cheesy

a/n: heyyyy how y'all doing? happy valntyne's day, lovers! i randomly got this idea listening to valentine and luckily Cal won the twitter poll bc i lowkey wanted him to win it all along oops lol. anyways (as always) thank you to my amazing editor and to you guys reading this! i hope you enjoy and that you had a great valentines day !

Copyright @ 2022 sophi_quimby. All rights reserved. This original work is not allowed to be reposted on any platform in any format by anyone but me

 ✧ ˚ 　· 　　. 　　 · 　˚ ✧ ✧ ˚ 　· 　　. 　　 · 　˚ ✧✧ ˚ 　· 　. 　　 · 　˚ ✧

Today sucks. It has honestly been the worst day you’ve had in a long time. To make matters worse, it’s your first Valentine’s Day in a relationship and your boyfriend didn’t seem to remember or care.

   You and Calum have been dating for four months and things have been going great. You and the guys have been friends for so long but you always felt different about Calum. When he finally got the courage to ask you out, you were ecstatic. Now it’s Valentine’s Day and while you usually hate this holiday since you never got to fully experience it, you were looking forward to spending the day with your boyfriend. But Calum didn’t say anything about Valentine’s Day when he woke up, and then you got called into work at 6 am so you couldn’t even stay at home with him. Then you got a shit ton of work thrown at you, and you spilt your coffee on your outfit and important documents that needed to be sent out before you left. It seemed that everything that could go wrong, did. All you wanted to do was go home and curl up in a ball, never to leave again. You knew that by now Calum had left your house to go back to his own and you couldn’t tell if that made you feel better or worse. Part of you longed for his comforting cuddles. His body temperature always seeming warmer than normal and his tattoos were strangely calming to trace always made you feel better. But the other part of you desperately wanted to be alone. To go to the grocery store and buy whatever the hell you wanted, go home to change into your pajamas, and binge watch John Mulaney specials until the tears on your cheeks turned to ones of laughter. Unfortunately, you cannot have both.

   Work seemed to drag on, the end of your shift always seeming out of reach. Until finally, your boss walked into your office. “Y/N, you’ve been here for nearly 10 hours. Go home and enjoy the holiday with your boyfriend.”

   “Yeah, I’m good. Thanks” you said, ignoring her and continuing the last of your work.

   “Hey, I know I’m your boss. But I’d like to think that we’re friends too. I can tell when somethings wrong, Y/N. Did something happen between you and Calum?” She closes your door and sits down in the chair across from you. “You know you can talk to me, right?”

   You look up at her and the sympathetic look on her face made you tear up. “It’s just been such a shitty day, and it’s my first Valentine’s Day in a relationship, and my boyfriend doesn’t even seem to care. I woke up this morning hoping for at least a “Happy Valentine’s Day” from him. But I didn’t get anything. I got a “good morning” and then a phone call that I had to come in today. I just…I just want to go home and be alone,” you say choking up. You’re trying to keep the tears from falling and then you realize how much you just spilt to your boss. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to rant like that. I’m just so tired.”

   “It’s okay, Y/N. Why don’t you go treat yourself to some sweets and go home, okay? I’ll have one of the interns finish the last little bit of work.” You nod and gather your stuff. You quietly thank her and walk out your office door. As you’re walking to your car, you check your phone in hopes that Calum remembered what day it was and texted you. But there was nothing. No call, text, not even a tag on Instagram for a Valentine’s Day post. At this point, you don’t even want the sweets. You don’t want to walk through the store and see more people. So you head home, hoping for some quiet.

   After unlocking the door and walking in, you take off your shoes and notice a rose petal on the mat you keep your shoes on. Confused, you pick it up and look at it. Looking at the floor, you notice more rose petals. You being to grow more confused and decide to follow them out of curiosity. You follow them all the way upstairs to your bedroom. You see that they go under the closed door so you open it up. Your bedroom is covered in balloons and rose petals and sitting on your bed is your boyfriend, grinning like a mad man. He looks as handsome as ever in a suit and red tie, hold a giant teddy bear and a few boxes of chocolates.

   “Hey,” he says smiling even more (if that’s even possible).

   “Hi.” You say quietly, walking over to him. “What is all this?”

   “Well, I was hoping to spend Valentine’s Day with my favorite person ever, but they got called into work. And a little birdie may or may not have mentioned the terrible day you had. I didn’t forget about Valentine’s Day, love. I just really wanted to surprise you.” And that’s when the dam holding your tears back finally gives out. You sniffle and look at him. “Hey, it was not my intention to make you cry!” He sets the teddy bear and chocolates on your bed and walks over to you. He hugs you and lightly kisses your head.

   “You’re just…you’re so incredible and I just spent the work day angry at you because I thought you didn’t care about Valentine’s Day.” Your words are muffled by his shirt. “I’m so sorry, Cal.”

   “No, don’t apologize, love. I wanted to surprise you and I obviously didn’t think this through very well.” You shake your head and look up at him.

   “It’s perfect, thank you.” You peck his lips and he wipes your tears.

   He kisses your head again and for the first time—he says “I love you.” You swear you have never felt the way you are feeling right now. You face breaks out into a huge smile and you kiss him. Eventually you pull away for air, still smiling.

   “I love you too, Calum. This is the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me.” You walk over to the box of chocolates and giggle when you see “will you be my valntyne?” written on the lid. “You’re such a dork.”

   “Yeah, but I’m your dork.” He smiles and hugs you from behind. “Now let’s go cuddle and watch John Mulaney.”

   “You read my mind.” You turn and kiss his nose.

   “There’s a horse loose in the hospital!” 

   After you change into comfier clothes, you and Cal are cuddled together on the couch with your favorite comedian on in the background. He brought all the snacks and treats to the living room and refused to eat any of it claiming “it’s for you, love.” He pulls you closer and lightly draws shapes on your back. As he does, you feel your eyes begin to feel heavy. The long day and tears finally caught up with you and exhaustion kicks in.

   “Love, you can take a nap. I know your day was rough,” he whispers and kisses your head. “You must be so tired.”

   “‘M fine, Cal. I wanna stay up with you.” Your eyes are closed and you are cuddled into his side as much as possible.

   “Go ahead and take a nap, love. I’ll be fine. I can carry you to bed if you want.” You nod, already half asleep. He picks you up and brings you back to your room. He lays you down on the bed and kisses your head. He starts to walk to the door

   “Stay,” you say. You grab his wrist to stop him from walking away from you. “Please, Cal.” You look up at him as he smiles and nods. He takes his jeans and shirt off then lays next to you. Your legs end up tangled together, his arms wrap around your body pulling you as close to his chest as possible. He rubs your back and kisses your head every once and a while.

   “I love you so much,” he whispers. Since he said it the first time, he hasn’t stopped. While watching the special, he would look at you when you were laughing and say it. You would say it back, obviously. He must’ve thought you had fallen asleep, but you were still slightly awake. “God, how did I get so lucky. I don’t deserve you, love. I really don’t.”

   “Cheesy fucker,” you say with a sleepy giggle. You open your eyes and look up at him.

   “I thought you were asleep!” He laughs, but is clearly embarrassed.

   “I am! I am, keep going.” You quickly close your eyes again with a wide smile on you face.

   “Yeah, no. I’m not going to make that ego of yours any bigger.” You both laugh and he kisses your head. “Just go back to sleep, bub. We can go back to watching John Mulaney specials and eating our weight in chocolate when you wake up.” You nod and look up at him. You kiss his nose and cuddle back into his side. “I love you.”

   “I love you too, Cal.” You smile and close your eyes again. Before falling asleep again you remembered something. “You are gonna clean up the rose petals…right?”

[glittergrubz]

askldhaj this was super fun to make! But also took a decent amount of time, and yet I love it so much! I'm very proud of how they all look! I'm also happy with the changes my art has gone through, altho I need to do way more different poses,,ack my weakness lol.

All I ask is that you guys aren't to harsh about these headcannon designs. I personally hate that almost every Sandwing is the same sandy desert color. So I wanted to expand that, your allowed to like the cannon designs! Don't worry, just don't shit on my designs for being different, I want my designs to be different! I think it's fun to reimagine characters espically the WoF families. BTW: I plan on doing more in the future. Queen Glacier's family is next bc Dravvona gave me a great idea for Glacier's design >:]

Also yes these will be used for my Rainbow Sparkle Chaos AU/Rewrite. Even have some headcannons for each of these little guys. --- These designs are FTU! Here are just a few rules for the designs. I even have seprate files for each headshot so you guys can get a better look at each of these fellas! - DO NOT claim the art or designs as your own. Credit me with either a tag on websites I have or linking my DA profile. - Do not edit my headshots or trace these designs, you will be blocked and blacklisted. - Take inspirations! I don't mind at all, just credit me! (I love seeing people use my designs or inspirations hehe) - Do not repost headshot designs either

Stash Link -> sta.sh/210nk11kfs1c?edit=1

Character Headcannons -

Blaze - The blue jewelry she owns is from her girlfriend Glacier. She made it especially for her and she wears it with pride. - While ditsy she's gain some plant knowledge from her dead brother Scald. They were very close, spending hours together painting claws, tending to plants and trying on makeup! - She sounds like Pinky Pie from Gen 4! (I love pink characters so much agh!!) - She now spends her time with Glacier (I'm sorry but I can't let her die, Blaze needs her so badly) often helping healers with plant knowledge and trying to figure out how to get plants to grow in the Ice Kingdom. - I wanted her to look like a strawberry dragon, it just felt perfect! PINK PINK PINK!!

Blister - She's quite thin compared to her more plump or round family. Built like a snake and sounds like one too. - Her amber jewerly was gifted from her father, she loves her jewelry as she despises her mother. Giving all her attention to Blaze because "she's the baby of the family" while Oasis boasts about Burn's power in battle. Her mother tried to connect with her but she liked Char. He always knew what to say when she was upset. She was devastated when Char passed away. - She sounds like Maleficent from Sleeping Beauty 1959 - Has an secret obsession with poisons, although she herself is quite afraid of being poisoned.  - I wanted to stay mostly close to the pale snake motif. Although I just couldn't help adding orange n red to make her look fiery, almost like a super venomous snake. One that wears it's toxicity on it's scales to warn others. Also wanted her diamonds to look more interesting, I always though cannon diamonds were way to cluttered.

Burn - Had a fling with Scarlet, thought she was pretty and quite interesting. But really wasn't looking for a relationship, and after the whole face venom thing well they were not getting back together. - Def sounds like Lady Dimitrescu from RE8 - Despises her brother Singe. Everytime she looked at that awful weasel he always had something to say, either behind her back or right to her face. He always teased her for not being great at speaking or writing. Teased the way she walked, her slight mouth gape at all times. Till one day she ripped his neck to shreds, sending the dragonet almost to the heavens. After that day she was placed into fighting training where she became the power house she is now.  - Once she killed her brothers she took her time with Singe, torturing him for as long as she could. She gave Scald a more, "merciful" kill but anything would seem merciful if you saw what she did to Singe. - Yes she's a dark color bc I thought it was neat, made her look alot like her papa. She has also cut most her frill/hair off bc of dangers of fighting. Less things to grab! I tried making her hair kinda like a roman helmet but kept the theme for most the family. 

Oasis - Big boss bitch who knows exactly what to do! Smart, cunning and beautiful, she does have one odd thing about her. Body mods, she loves them dearly and enjoys her horn piercing's (altho they were a bitch to put in, their horns have a lot of nerves). She's also a adrenaline junkie, so her piercing addiction, lots of treasure and devious tactics are perfect for her.  - Loves her small man Char. If you walked in a room with both of them it's a lot like Mortica and Gomez Addams. She was devastated when Char passed away, become a more unhinged dragon in the process.  - She sounds like Mortica Addams from Wednesday (I just had to, sounds perfect). - I wanted a more light, warm theme with Oasis. Almost like desert terracotta, and yes hear scales! I thought it was cute on Blaze but Oasis HAD to have them. I also had to give her dark curly hair with highlights bc omgomg I loooove that so much. 

Char - Sounds like Gomez Addams from Wednesday (hehe small man n big wife gang) - Malewife energy all the way. He constantly embellishes himself in beautiful amber jewels while taking care of the look of the palace. Talking to his servants and giving all his children as much time as he can. His wrinkles and bags are from all the duties he does. Although he would never change it for the world, especially for his love for Oasis.  - Def has an addiction to coffee, I mean how is he going to help Scald get those new plant imports in, and buy Blaze's new makeup, help Singe hunt that beautiful beast he saw in the desert- (you get it lol). - I really wanted "im very tired" vibe with him. I also wanted to go with a dark/char look to him while keeping bright reds, oranges and yellows for fire! It gives him an intimidating look, but also has alot of warmth to it. 

Smolder - Hoenstly I don't have much for Smolder, other than that he was probably the straight man of the family. Although way more chill and with horrible sleeping issues! He's an insomniac and takes traditional medicine Scald makes for him to help him fall n stay asleep.  - Sounds like Legoshi from Beastars  - I had to make this dude greasy n tired. It was just a great idea imo. Like he has to be tired dude, and he doesn't have time to bathe!! I also made him more orange than Blister altho making sure it make them look like they come from the same hatching. 

Scald - I made him into a femboy- ENOUGH SAID, lmao. Seriously though I really wanted to give Blaze a best friend, she really deserves it! So: a very femine brother who loves beauty products but also looooves plants! He's obsessed with em and his mother made him his very own greenhouse. He loves his plants and takes care of them as much as he takes care of Blaze.  - Do not underestimate this small dude, he will kick your ass. Not only is he pretty but he will fight to protect Blaze and to prove a point. Although he is no idiot and will not pick fights, more so he fights for things worth fighting. Although he has a fear of needles so no peircings for him! - Sounds like Stolits from Helluvaboss - Blaze is a strawberry dragon, SO TANGERINE DRAGON TIME! I just really think the orange works very well for him, and I honestly wanted to make a femine male character bc I havn't really done that in a bit. I espically had fun with the flower necklace as I think it makes him stand out quite well against his family.

Singe - Awful stinky man, so smelly! He's two faced, lying, manipulating and egotystical dragon. Often picking fights with Burn as its easy for her lack of brains....well untill he was torn to shreds by her. After that he became way more fearful of the dragoness. Using expensive furs from the animals he's hunted. He's also very cowardly so no fighting or even peircings for him. - Obv sounds like Karl Heisenberg from RE8 - Honestly just a peice of shit, I have really nothing else to say lmao. - I wanted to do one more pink dragon before I finish the designs. I espically wanted a burnt pink dragon idea in mind, kinda like Char but pink! I was also done making jewerly so fur accessory sounded so much fun to draw.  --- ★ Not for Other's Use ★ ★ Feel Free to Take Inspiration but Credit Me ★ ★ NOT FOR AI USE OR NFT USE! YOU WILL BE BLOCKED AND BLACKLISTED ★ ★ DO NOT REPOST/TRACE/EDIT! YOU WILL BE BLOCKED AND BLACKLISTED ★ DA: https://deviantart.com/glitterbonez TW: twitter.com/GLITTERBONEZx Tumblr: khaleern.tumblr.com/

[golbrocklovely]

the way stas is so obsessed with colby and the fact that people still dont see it,is so crazy to me. she likes his tweets/ig posts so fast. up until recently had a pic with him pinned to her ig but still has the tiltok with him pinned on tiktok. she still likes edits of him,dedicated a whole highlights to mostly pics of him on snap (so many reposted them and i finally saw where they came from). and not to mention, she had so many photos of him not looking in her reel. this is giving less supportive friend/girl in love and more stage five clinger. he barely acknowledges her except for the occasional ig pic like. but wow i have seen so much of her ways since the so called editing retreat, im surprised people dont notice.

this might be a long answer so sorry in advance lol

i've said this a lot before, but we need to stop giving her and shea attention.

i get it, it is so easy to fall into their trap of looking at what they do with a fine tooth comb and seeing if what they posted is about colby in some way. or maybe paying attention to their likes and seeing how many edits they've liked or reposted that are shipping the two of them together. i understand it's entertaining to some degree, but mostly infuriating. and i need us all to stop playing into their hand.

they both clearly want attention, we have all established that. but what's funny is that they get the upper hand bc so many fans, regardless of what stas/shea do, assume that the things they post are about colby no matter what. stas posts a tiktok - oh she's wearing merch it's about colby. stas liked a tweet about the core four - clearly that was about her and colby. shea makes some vague tweet - it's about colby, no doubt. shea comments hearts on a pic of the two of them - she obviously wants fans to know they're back on. it's never ending !

and i get it, it's extremely easy to assume that everything they do online is about him. i don't think that's reality. and even if it is, that doesn't mean we have to pay it any mind.

and the fans that love them will never see them for who they are. maybe they will eventually. maybe they'll get older, stop paying attention to snc, and look back and be like "huh, it was a bit strange i was in a gc with a 20 something year old and she constantly talked about her friend colby and casually told us that she had a crush on him unprompted." or "oh wow, that was weird that i was in a gc with an almost 30 year old shit talking other girls that colby was close to just bc that almost 30 year old really wanted me to believe that she was dating him." i truly hope that happens. but unless a drove of fans comes out and shames them, it ain't gonna change what currently is taking place. so until then, it's best that we, the ppl that understand their shtick, move on and forget about them.

and i want to direct this to shea and stas, bc i know their fans sometimes come on here and most likely send them this shit. and if not, if stas or shea see this i want them to know: i understand that you like colby. i understand that you have a deep connection with him that no one else has. i understand he makes you feel special and wanted, and that's great. but you are absolutely lying to yourself if you think you have a chance with him. he. will. not. date. you. the years of you being friends with him has proven that. and i get that unrequited love hurts, it eats you from the inside out. it's the worse, and i get how painful it is. but why do you think acting like a fan account is gonna make him like you? why do you think liking edits or comments shipping the two of you together is gonna make him want to put a ring on it??? if you really want to live out that fantasy, just send me a request for a fic and maybe i'll fill it out for you - that way you don't make an absolute fool of yourself by constantly stooping down to fan level and acting like the young ones that freak out when colby's near a girl and leave comments like "she better back off he's mine" bc that's what you look like. you actually look worse than that, if i'm honest, bc you use fans to get the validation colby doesn't give you.

why do you even want to date him at this point? this man wears the same clothes for weeks on end. he sleeps with an old ass pillow from kansas. he had food sitting in his mini fridge that expired. i know for a fact he doesn't clean his bedding all that often, if at all. he has a better committed relationship with a teeth whitening brand than with any women he's ever known. he's more likely to marry sam than yall. stas, he took a girl that he was hooking up with on the side to a get together with the core four. you were there while he was on date. and then he continued to hang out with her on multiple occasions. that wasn't enough? shea, he was literally dicking down another girl when you were trying to tell fans yall were getting back together (or dating again, not sure which since your fans or you can't keep a story straight) when you did the last adventure buddies video. he still likes her pics occasionally and she comments on his stuff often. that wasn't enough?

he doesn't want you. at what point do you accept that and move on? i have equally as much of a chance of dating him as yall do, that's how realistic your fantasy is.

[spacexcowgirl]

20 questions for fic writers

here's some stuff about me, thanks for the tag @magswrite <3

1. How many works do you have on ao3?

Four!

2. What’s your total ao3 word count?

169,069 (double 69 this is so embarrassing)

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Currently only the marauders, but I've written for other fandoms in the past. On this account, my old Weasley fics can be found, and then I've written for a few other fandoms in other places.

4. What are you top 5 fics by kudos?

just like Maggie I do not have 5 fics lol so this is just my 4 from highest to lowest !!

we'll be just fine (even when I lose my mind) : 16k words, James loses his memories after a quidditch fall and doesn't remember his relationship with Regulus.

Foolish One : 5k word one shot. friends with benefits. miscommunication. mutual pining.

Mutually Assured Destruction : 113k word WIP. a "how to lose a guy in 10 days" au.

where milk and honey flow : 34k word WIP. band/fame au, multiple pairings, multiple tropes. this will be a long one.

5. Do you respond comments? Why or why not?

oh yes! I try to always reply, but sometimes it slips my mind and I forget. Most of the time I get to them, though! I love comments, and I appreciate when a reader takes time out to comment, so I want to show that appreciation by replying.

6. What is a fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

so, I only have 2 completed fics, but it's no secret that all of my stuff is happy endings. if I had to pick, I'd say we'll be just fine. it's still a happy ending, but everything isn't perfect, you know?

7. What is a fic your wrote with the happiest ending?

again, only 2 completed fics, so at the moment, probably Foolish One? I think my long fics will beat that in the end though lol.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

nope! I have very nice commenters

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

hmmm hard to answer. have I in the past? yes. have I in any of my current fics? no, not yet. but wm&hf will have smut in it eventually.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest you’ve written?

nope!

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

mmm at most I've had it reposted without my permission and without credit on another site, but have never had like a fic idea stolen.

12. Have you ever has a fic translated?

mmm no, but I have had one turned into audio format for accessibility?

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

eeee as Maggie said, we have something in the works ;) something fun, very excited about it, but it's neither of our first priorities so it'll be a bit before its done!

14. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

ooooh that's so hard. maybe my judgements clouded bc I'm so hyper fixated, but I do think it's jegulus. maybe that will change tho.

15. What’s a wip you what to finish but doubt you ever will?

the only thing I have started that I don't think I'll ever go back to is this mcd fic that's like a plane crash situation? everything else I fully intend to finish.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I've gotten comments praising my prose and characterizations a few times, which really means the world to me. I feel like I have a pretty good grasp on grammar and clear ideas of what I want to happen.

17. What are you writing weaknesses?

okay, two things I think: first, I feel like I meander too much. takes me too long to get to the point, like I'm so fucking wordy so everything is always so slow moving. second, I feel like I'm so bad at like... describing surroundings and stuff.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I use google translate and I take any and all comment suggestions and make changes!

19. First fandom you wrote for?

oh my god I don't even want to say. (hints: RPF, a dance crew, I was in 6th grade). After that one, I kinda abandoned reading/writing fic until I was 19? and when I came back to it, I started in The 100 fandom!

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

just going off of the ones I'm currently working with, wm&hf is my favorite. I've been brain rotting about it since like February, I have so many plans, and it just feels a lot more like something I'm really writing for me.

[dbzebra]

do u think that its ok to post fics from fanfiction.net over to ao3 without asking the author? and im not gonna take credit or anything but like bc most of the authors are not active anymore and i would really hate to see the fics get erased in the event that ffn dies

To be honest this is a complicated but really unique question!! I’m glad you asked this. Imo it’s not really black and white but I’ll just give my thoughts as a writer who abandoned FFN years ago

So on one hand, yeah I think it’s important to preserve fanfics because so many fics are already perma lost when LiveJournal and other old fanfic sites went down. Fanfics are already super under-appreciated as a medium, and a lot of people look down on FanFiction and reading as a whole. So more fics out there in the public eye is good. Especially because of some hidden gems

However, at the same time, I’m torn. and this is going from someone who had my old FFN fic reposted/stolen twice without my permissions I can’t fully agree with doing that, especially without asking.

The first time it was flat out stolen and the guy just changed the names around to fit his story but was otherwise my exact chapter. I found out by pure luck and had to hound the guy to change it.

The second time was just last year when a buddy of mine sent me a YouTube video where the guy used text to speech to read off fics he found on FFN. Not only were people acting like it was his fic, but he was talking like it was his too, saying he’s gonna do this or that in the upcoming chapters. I confronted him and he said he “wanted to give my fic attention” but they could’ve just went to my page and read/commented there instead. But DB fans don’t like to read lol

Now I know you said you wouldn’t take credit, and I don’t want to seem like I’m pointing the finger at you or anything. but it’s just a sore spot for me. I can’t stop you with whatever you decide to do, and I do see the positives in doing so. but PLEASE reach out to authors first. Some may say no and some may not respond at all, but better than nothing lol.

Reposting fics is like reposting art, but sadly that doesn’t get the same attention that art reposting does. Even with something like “the artist is @yourmom” or whatever a lot of people get angry over

So just take caution lol FFN may not even die it might just be a zombie for the next 5 years who knows.

Anyway I’m rambling sorry for all that.

[rottingreveries]

GG!

pairing: frat boy!haitani ran x fem!reader (she/her pronouns)

synopsis: ran wants to break you, but you aim to beat him at his own game.

rating: nsfw! MDNI. i’m watching <3

cw: heavy cursing, ran n rin are kinda misogynistic >:(, smoking (weed), shotgunning, dubcon only bc of the smoking, dom!ran, sub!reader, oral (f!receiving), fingering, spitting, size kink if you squint, some degradation, implied squirting, overstim, ran is a cocky piece of shit but so are you bae!

wc: 2,539

a/n: this might be familiar to some of you as it’s a repost from my old blog, but i wanted to put it back on tumblr rather than just my ao3 bc i’m currently working on a part 2 :) (finally LOL)

haitani ran is never one to lose his cool, but god help him, he thinks he might lose it anytime he thinks about you.

he’s known around campus for getting anything or anyone he wants, but you’ve changed that. without even meaning to, you pick away at his ego each and every chance you get. never before has someone turned him down as much as you have, and the fact that you bat your lashes and smile up at him when you do, to top it all off? you’re so irritating.

ran has decided that he hates you— he hates you and your pretty voice, your even prettier face, and dear god, your fucking body— he hates that he can’t get enough of you.

but what he hates the most is the fact that you make him work for even an ounce of your attention, and he can tell that you know what you’re doing. he knows just by the way you hold his gaze with that all too confident and mischievous look in your eyes.

and on top of that, even when you haven’t given in even a little bit no matter how much he’s pushed you, he still wants to bend you to his fucking will– and if that doesn’t work, he’ll just break you instead.

that usually isn’t an issue for him, as he’s never had a hard time getting the woman he has his eyes set on. you keep proving to be a different story, however.

ran thinks his best course of action is to start simple; he’ll get your number under the guise of missing last week’s notes. it’s easy enough, and that’s worked every single time so far. but when you look at him with a kind, calming smile and utter, “no,” he’s completely fucking floored.

you don’t even offer a reason or excuse. just a flat no before walking past him to head back to your seat. you know who he is and you know exactly what he aims to do, which is precisely why you want to keep him at arm’s length, yet still keep his attention solely on you.

you live for the thrill of it all— of beating an arrogant man at his own game. ran isn’t even slightly aware of that, but he is well aware of the fact that something is up. he has no idea what, though, and he can’t stand it.

you’re even more irritating than you were before, now. he’s irritated that he can’t figure you out or get you to budge, and he complains about you to his brother non-fucking-stop, which drives rindo up the damn walls.

“she’s just so fuckin’ annoying. never met a bitch with a stick shoved that far up her ass–”

“so maybe, here’s a crazy thought, just leave her alone, then?”

rindo’s words make a lot of sense, but ran still can’t help but to look at him like he’s stupid. why would he want to leave you alone? sure, he tells rin all the time that he can drop you and get any bitch he wants if it comes down to it (his exact words, actually), but to just let you go? now, after how hard he’s been trying? that’s ridiculous!

“nah, ‘m not a bitch. i gotta see it through now,” ran says with a sly grin.

rindo, however, can see right through his brother, “yeah, whatever. never thought i’d see the day you’d be chasin’ some broad.”

ran simply shrugs his brother’s words off. he’s definitely not chasing you! at least, that’s what he keeps saying to himself, though it seems like rindo’s words might hold some truth when ran sees you again a few days later. you’ve show up to one of his parties, coincidentally, and he’s more than fucking happy to see you.

it’s almost like he’s giddy.

he blames it on the weed in his system, though, before pushing through the crowd so that he can head over to you. you’re alone for some reason, clad in a pretty skirt, joint between your soft lips, and phone in hand. it’s the perfect opportunity, he thinks.

“hey,” you speak first once he’s close enough, straining to talk over the loud music, and ran barely conceals his surprise. “i’ve been wanting to talk to you.”

“oh, yeah?”

bingo. he swears he’s got you right where he wants you– you’ve finally come around, he thinks– and he doesn’t stop for even a second to consider the fact that this is strange. usually he’d be a lot more perceptive but his mind is a bit too hazy for that at the moment.

if ran were sober, he’d have noticed that this was out of character for you. it would have been obvious that you had something planned. but instead, he simply falls right into your little trap. after all, the only thing he’s thinking about is fucking you absolutely stupid— how could he be expected to notice something was up?

“yeah,” you nod with a pretty smile. “we can smoke, if you want.”

are you crazy? of course he fucking wants to. ran has been waiting for a moment like this the entire semester— there was no chance in hell he’d turn you down. he doesn’t bother answering (you can tell what his answer is based on his grin alone, anyway), and opts to just lead you to a small sitting area instead.

you don’t hesitate to follow him and the conversation, much to your surprise, flows freely. in fact, you’re talking so easily that you’ve barely even hit the joint. it keeps burning out and you’ve had to relight it about three different times by the time ran finally gets tired and just takes it from you, lighting it himself and taking a hit so large that it nearly startles you.

and you don’t say anything to stop him, either, as you’re practically frozen when he scooches closer to you. before you can even begin to reel yourself back in, ran cups your jaw and turns your face towards his. when did he get that fucking close?

your mind is racing so fast that you can’t discern even a single coherent thought— the only thing you can actually make out is his lips brushing against yours, followed by the smoke he blows into your mouth. you don’t even remember parting your lips but the smoke is so thinned out by now that you have no problem inhaling it, anyway, and ran grins.

“good girl.”

if you were out of it before, your brain is completely fucking mush now. you finally get it, you think. you understand why people are so quick to fall for him. he’s fucking mesmerizing, and you know he’s just so damn cocky about it, too. so self assured and confident in his ability to get exactly what he wants, when he wants it.

he absolutely views this as a game, but unbeknownst to him, you’re the one holding all the cards.

as soon as you’ve blown the smoke back out, you close the distance between his lips and yours. the crowd around you doesn’t matter– everyone is too high or drunk to care anyway– you just want to feel him, and god, his lips are so fucking soft and his taste is more intoxicating than the weed. he blindly puts the joint out, you’re not even sure how, but you’re glad he didn’t pull away.

there’s a certain desperation behind the kiss that you’re hoping ran can’t feel, though in reality, he’s even more fucking eager than you are. he’s absolutely certain that he hasn’t been this excited at the idea of fucking someone since he was a teenager, and he’s already so fucking hard that it hurts.

and you– you’re fucking killing him, deliberately taking your time and teasing him with your fleeting kisses. he groans against you when you take his bottom lip between your teeth and gently tug, pulling him closer.

“you’ve been holdin’ out on me,” ran tells you as he pulls away, grinning at the string of spit that continues to connect the two of you. “y’know how bad you been pissin’ me off?”

“show me.”

fuck, fuck, fuck, ran is losing his goddamn mind and he can only pray that you don’t realize the effect you have on him. as soon as the words register, he grabs your wrist and tugs you off the couch with him and through the crowd. his hand rests at the small of your back and his touch is searing, but you love fucking it.

when you get to his room, ran lets his eagerness get the best of him and he practically shoves you inside. you expected this so you easily take it in stride, simply settling yourself on the edge of his bed, and your unbothered demeanor makes him want to ruin you more than he already does.

“lay down,” he says, to which you oblige.

ran’s large hands immediately find your plush thighs and without a second thought, he flips your skirt up to reveal your panties that are already embarrassingly wet. if he notices, he doesn’t say anything, simply taking in the view of you splayed out all pretty beneath him.

you squirm impatiently, “ran–”

his eyes flicker to yours only for a second, yet that alone was enough for you to get the message. you close your mouth and when he hooks his fingers under the band of your panties, you lift your hips to aid him in getting them off.

part of you can’t believe this– that you’re letting haitani ran see you like this, but you don’t care. he hasn’t even touched you yet and somehow you already feel dizzy and lightheaded in the best way, though that might just be the weed.

you aren’t certain, and honestly, that’s perfectly fine. you’d ruin the moment by thinking too much, so you relax and let ran do whatever he wants for the time being. he grabs the back of your thighs and pushes them towards your chest, audibly groaning at the sight of your glistening cunt.

“fuck, you’ve been holdin’ out on me,” ran repeats. he drops to his knees and hooks his arms around your thighs, tugging you closer and placing your legs over his shoulders. “look at this pretty fuckin’ pussy– all for me, huh?”

“‘course,” you breathe, already delirious. “please–”

you don’t even get to finish your sentence, as he spits directly onto your cunt and rubs it in with the hand that isn’t gripping your thigh. you gasp and jolt at the feeling, though it’s quickly replaced by his tongue instead as he licks a stripe up through your folds.

and god, ran is absolutely fucking obscene, sucking loudly and moaning against you as if he were the one being catered to. you scramble to grasp onto something, one hand settling at the back of his head and you can’t help but to wish that his hair wasn’t tied back in his usual braids right now so you could hold something.

“o-oh fuck,” you whimper as you fight the urge to rut your hips against his tongue.

it’s already too much and not enough at the same time, and you’re completely fucking shocked by how good ran is making you feel. it’s as if he already knows your body perfectly– like he’s taken the time to map out your body time and time again in his head. little do you know, he has.

“ran, i-i’m– fuck, cumming–”

“already?” he taunts, already sinking two fingers into you. it takes him no time at all to find the sweet spot inside you. you mewl, and he can’t get enough. “you’re so easy.”

you would have laughed at him for saying something so ridiculous under any other circumstances, but right now, you’re too preoccupied with your orgasm. it hits you so suddenly and you’re certain that you’ve never cum this hard before.

you can barely even fucking think right now but you still take the time to thank every god you can think of for the music being as loud as it is because you’re on the verge of screaming, tears heavy on your bottom lashes. you should have done this forever ago.

“ohh, that’s it,” ran coos against you, lapping up everything you have to offer. “so fuckin’ sloppy, baby. gonna gimme another one.”

he isn’t asking– he’s telling you. you don’t have much of a choice, anyway, as another orgasm is building up faster than you can even begin to keep up with. your legs are limp over his shoulders, but you’re frantically pushing against him as you try your damnedest not to cry from the overstimulation.

“ran, ran, ‘s too much!”

he thinks you’re so cute, legs twitching uncontrollably around his head and back arching off the bed. frankly, he doesn’t care if it’s too much, and he curls his fingers inside you only a few more times before you cum again, gushing all over his fingers, face, and tongue.

now that you take a second to think about it, you know you definitely haven’t cum this hard before. you didn’t expect this from ran, but you refuse to complain.

as soon as you’ve started to come down, you wipe the stray tears that spilled onto your cheeks and recollect yourself. part of you is disappointed that this’ll never happen again, but you’ve already reconciled with that fact already. it’ll be worth it, just to see his face at the end of it all.

scratch that– i’ll be worth it to have the bragging rights. you beat the haitani ran at his own game. you’ve got every right to brag about it.

ran pulls away and stands up, starting to take off his belt, but he stops at the sight of you shakily sitting up with a dopey smile on your face. he chuckles airily as your eyes meet because he just assumes you’re going to help him out– instead, you stand up and dust your skirt off, even with your legs feeling like jello at this point.

his brows furrow but you give him no room to question you as you say, “thanks, ran. i’ll see you tuesday?”

you don’t wait for his response or even bother searching for your panties before you leave the room. he can keep them as some kind of reward, you guess– you don’t really care, nor do you want to know. you just want to get out.

as the door clicks shut behind you, ran stands in his room, silent and dumbfounded, with his belt halfway off and his face still covered in your slick. he can’t even fucking comprehend what just happened, but he feels a new kind of irritation deep in his bones.

did that seriously just happen? he realizes now that he should have just fucking listened to rindo because once again, you’ve damaged his ego, and he’s pissed. you’re not just irritating, you’re infuriating, but even when ran’s seething, he can’t get the images of you underneath him or the pretty sounds you make out of his mind.

ran is certain of it now– he fucking hates you.

taglist: @crown5

[selfcarecap]

Love Flower [p.p]

pairing: Peter Parker x reader

summary: You’ve read all about sex pollen online. You didn’t believe in it. But when you experience it first hand, that most definitely changes your mind. You even have to seek help from your best friend Peter to relieve the burn between your legs…

warning: dub con but only bc sex pollen (and it is both their first time while the reader is under the influence of sex pollen so keep that in mind! (but they do like each other soo- and she can think straight in my version of sex pollen lol (it‘s explained at the end😭)), smutty smut smut

word count: 4k

-repost of an old fic but it‘s quite good if i... may say so myself-

“Woah.” Your eyes sparkle as you spot the flower. Peter has to hold you tight by your arm so you don’t go off track.

“Is that what I think it is?” Peter asks.

“I’m certain it is. Let go of me.” His fingers loosen around your arm. You take a few steps forward.

“Why are you going near it then?” Peter freaks out behind you, unsure what to do.

“Do you think this is real?” You ask Peter. You’re in his room at the compound. He moved in after graduating high school. For one, he was honoured that Tony asked him out of all people. Who wouldn’t want to move in with a bunch of Avengers?

But the most important aspect of why he said yes to moving in to the compound was because of you. It meant he would see you multiple times a day. He’d be damned if he had said no to that.

Peter bends over the bed to look at what you’re showing him on your laptop screen. He sits down next to you.

“Se- woah... Sex pollen? What the hell are you looking at?” He asks, wide-eyed.

“It’s a special plant. Basically going near it, directly touching or smelling it, makes you go crazy horny. They’re used for semi-superhuman breeding or something. But in some communities it’s used as a drug or something.” You explain.

“Well, let’s hope we don’t stumble across it then.”

“Why not? I want this.” You idly scroll further down and read more of the article.

“You’re being serious? What’s so desirable about being so horny that you lose control over your body?” Peter gesticulates wildly, trying to understand where the hell you’re coming from.

“To me that sounds like heaven. But I don’t believe that it would work. Humans are animals, okay. But they’re not animals like that, you know?” He shakes his head.

“Other than animals like the ones out in nature, we have rationality. They are animalistic animals, but we’re rational animals. I can’t imagine that anything in the world will make me so horny that I want nothing more than to fuck someone. Not even that plant. So I’d want to put that to the test sometime.”

“Very philosophical.” Peter comments.

“What, wanting to be horny?”

“No, the part about the animalistic and rational animals, kind of, maybe, have to think about it.”

You didn’t really know what the hell you were talking about when you said that but Peter’s really into your theory. He looks like he’s truly racking his brain about it.

“Don’t bother your pretty head about it though. I’m just talking nonsense because I’m horny, so see you later.”

You kiss his cheek and leave the room.

The feeling of your lips lingers on his cheek to this day.

“Come back, we have a mission. We’re supposed to be fight-” An explosion from inside the building interrupts Peter.

A second later Tony flies out in his suit, cheering because the mission was successful.

“Mission’s over now. And it’s just a quick smell. I swear nothing is going to happen, you’ll see. I have a bad sense of smell anyway.” You assure Peter.

“No, wait!” You ignore Peter’s plea.

You take a few steps forward until you’re right in front of the plant. The fragrance is strong. It’s a mixture of all the sweetest things in life. Peter’s smell somewhere in there.

“Mmmh. That smells nice.” You hum.

“You know what it smells like now. Come back.” Peter steps forward, holding his bunched up mask over his mouth and nose. He drags you away from the plant.

“You okay?”

“Yeah.” You lift your arms in the air, “That smell was... nice. I seriously need that as a perfume.”

Peter follows you slowly on your walk to the jet.

You’re up in the air. Everyone else is happy because the mission was a success. You feel weird.

“Sorry, can I sit there?” You ask Peter to stand up from his seat by the window.

“Yeah yeah sure. Are you sure you’re good?”

“I’m fine, thanks.” You look up at Peter for a second. Your irises have almost disappeared entirely. That’s how blown your pupils are.

Peter stares at you. You stare out of the window. Your let one of your hands hang between your legs. The other on your belly. Peter’s still staring at you.

“Are you waiting for something? Do you want to sit here after all?” You wonder.

“Uh no. No. You sit.”

Peter stops looking at you and goes to worry about you on the other side of the jet.

*

You arrive back at the compound and you try to get to your room as quick as possible. You jog through the hallway but once again Peter stops you. He holds you by your wrist and you involuntarily moan out loud. Not just Peter hears. Tony, Sam, Bucky, Steve, Nat and Bruce all look at you.

“Ow, I mean. I have a few scratches that hurt. Don’t touch me. Um, if anyone needs the bathroom on our floor, I’m going to shower and then I’ll have to take care of the uh scratches from… from walking through the woods so I’ll take a while.”

You escape before anyone can question that. You’re lucky that your suit is thick enough to conceal how fucking wet you are.

You’re also lucky that no one notices that there’s no way that a few twigs could scratch you through your suit.

Except for Peter. Because Peter was there with you. He knows there were no twigs or branches. You walked through some grass in a garden, if anything. A hydra garden, but there was nothing except that plant he warned you about…

-

You‘re not sure if it‘s ten minutes or an hour that you sit in the bathtub with the shower head between your legs. Uncontrollable sobs leave your mouth that sound more erotic than any porn you‘ve watched.

Your hand hurts from holding the shower head and as you share this floor with Peter, you realise he might also want to shower after a sweaty mission.

God, Peter. Under the shower. Naked.

You stop your thoughts from going there. You‘ve fallen victim to the magical attraction of the plant but you don‘t want your innocent angel boy Peter to become a victim of your dirty thoughts.

You tear yourself away from the stream of water to go to your room.

-

You‘re glad to have a vibrator that‘s small enough to fit inside you, but not hurt you. That‘s what you think at first.

But after the first orgasm you feel empty, despite the pink silicone still being fully inside of you, and before today you never even got it inside. You’ve never been this wet before.

Everything is so slippery and you‘re more than frustrated.

What the fuck do you do now?

The vibration from your phone on your bedside table makes you clench around your toy and you pick it up.

Message from Spiderboy: Hey is everything okay with your scratches and stuff?

You: We‘re friends right?

S: Of course why?

Y: And friends help each other yeah?

S: Yeah, you good?

Y: No

Y: I was wrong

S: Wow never thought I’d hear that

S: What happened? should I come to your room?

Y: Idk

S: ?

Y: Yeah but knock

Less than thirty seconds later, Peter knocks at your door.

You change into sleep shorts and a loose shirt and open the door.

The sight of Peter has never made you quite as happy as now.

“What’s wrong what- woah your heart is beating like crazy.” He uses his heightened senses. He knows something is up as he steps into your room. He knew something was up when you texted him.

“I know.” You say. You lock the door behind Peter.

You sit down on your bed with a wince.

Peter waits a moment before he sits down opposite of you.

“So, what’s wrong? Are you okay?”

“You know when you’re like super horny all day, but the good type, and then you come home and you finally get to masturbate and come and it’s like the best feeling ever?”

Peter’s cheeks become red as a tomato. “Oh, uh yeah sure, I’ve had that.”

“Yeah well, when I smelled that fucking plant, I thought it was going to be like that. Not for it to hurt so fucking much.” When you say the last three words you whine, and to Peter you sound just like a pornstar. He really has to contain himself here.

“It hurts? What exactly?”

“My nipples are super sore. And there’s this feeling, like really deep down in my belly. Apart from that I’m so fucking wet, you can’t even imagine,” He’s trying not to imagine it, at least, “But nothing is helping. I came in the shower, at least six times, and more in here but it’s not enough.”

Peter groans at the thought of you touching yourself. Right on the bed that he is currently sitting on, that you’ve masturbated on probably countless times, and he’s even slept in before.

“Fuck should we - should we get help, I‘m sure Tony or Bruce will know what to do?” He suggests.

“No! Are you crazy?”

Yeah but only about you, Peter thinks.

You’d rather die than tell Tony or Bruce about how horny you are.

“You will not do that, I need your help, Peter. You agreed, friends help each other.”

“What- what do you want me to do? I don‘t know anything about this.”

“Just…” You straddle Peter’s thighs. He doesn’t stop you. You put your hands on his shoulders and press your forehead against his.

“Just kiss me, Peter.”

He doesn’t wait. Peter places his lips on your open mouth. You kiss him until you no longer know which way up and which way down is.

You start grinding your hips against Peter’s leg, against the basketball shorts he’s wearing.

You weren’t lying when you told him he wouldn’t believe how wet you are.

“Fuck. S-sorry.” You pull away from him and lie back down on your pillows, so you’re half-sitting up.

“Sorry you have to witness this.” You tell him.

Your hand has slipped underneath your own shorts. You’re unashamedly rubbing circles between your legs. You have no idea what’s going through Peter’s head. He just sits there.

“You can go again. I’m sorry, I don’t know what I was thinking. I don’t think you can help me.” You close your eyes and wait until you hear your door shut again. But you don’t.

Peter’s still there.

“No I can, I’ll help you. Just tell me what to do.”

You sit up so you can talk to him properly.

“Have you ever fingered a woman?”

“No I’ve just, uh I mean I’ve watched, just a few times, watched porn.” He mumbles and you wonder how he can be shy while you’re basically fucking yourself with your fingers in front of him.

“First of all throw your fucking inhibitions out of the window. You don‘t have to be shy about watching porn, not in this fucking situation, and not around me anyway, ever.”

He nods.

“I know you‘re inexperienced but you better be a quick fucking learner.”

He’s definitely eager.

“Okay what should I do first? Can I take these off?” He’s pulling at your shorts.

“Yes, Peter. Everything. Take it all off, please.” Your neediness is coming back, more intense than ever.

First, Peter makes you slip out of your shirt. He gulps when he sees your naked chest. Your fingers start rubbing your nipples. You lift your hips, indicating to Peter to finally take off your shorts.

You’re so wet, it’s running down your thighs and Peter can smell you. He loves this.

He just stares for a moment.

“Fingers. I need your fingers, Peter. Mine aren’t as big as yours and mine aren’t enough.” You really do sound like a desperate porn actress right now, except that you’re not faking it.

“Yeah, okay. What, where-” He starts and you take one of his fingers and place it right where you need it.

“Now go as deep as you can.”

His finger enters you slowly, as not to hurt you but you buck your hips forward.

“And now?” He asks. He licks his lips.

“Now pull your finger out again- No! Not completely.”

“Sorry.”

“Don’t be. Just do that and I’ll rub my clit.” He pulls his finger out, not completely, and goes back in in a smooth motion. You’re so slippery everywhere. His finger keeps grazing the upper wall of your pussy and Peter keeps looking from your face, back to your body, back to your face.

“I need more, Peter.”

“Like, faster?”

“A second finger, please.”

You look so endlessly beautiful, not just now, and Peter could and would never deny you, so he adds another finger. You can already feel your climax building up.

“Fuck, Peter. I’m gonna cum.” His fingers move faster and you use the same rhythm on your clit.

“Fuck, back off, I think I’m gonna squirt.” You warn him.

“No, just let go.” He says and you do. You bask in the wave of euphoria that consumes you, even if just for a short moment.

You wait a few seconds to open your eyes.

Peter’s shirt is drenched in your warm release. His tongue darts out to lick off some that you squirted on his face.

The way you’re admiring Peter from below him makes him feel so damn invincible.

“You feel better yet?”

You shake your head and Peter’s face falls just a tiny bit.

“It was amazing. But I feel like it will never stop hurting. I need to cum again, please.”

He pulls his wet shirt off his body and lies down, pulling your thighs over his shoulders.

“Should I try with my tongue? Maybe that feels better.”

“Okay.”

Peter still doesn’t really know what he’s doing. But with how you’re grinding your pussy in his face, getting yourself off, his lack of skill isn’t obvious.

You have this aura around you that makes Peter fucking dizzy.

You cum on his face once more, it’s not quite as much as before, still. “Oh god sorr-”

“Don’t apologise. I know it’s probably the plant doing it to you, but it’s still an ego boost knowing I’m with you while you do that squirting thing.”

“I only do that with you. I’ve never squirted before.”

His whole upper body has a red tint now.

Despite the two heavenly orgasms Peter just gave you, you feel like you’ll never be satiated. You know there’s just one way to go.

“Peter, have you ever had sex?” You give him your most irresistible pout.

“No.”

You sit up, your chest against his. He’s about to give in.

“But I just said it. You’re basically on drugs with that plant. I shouldn’t even be here. I can’t have sex with you. Would it be your first time?” He asks.

“Yeah but-”

“I’m sorry, I know you’re in pain right now but I can’t. It wouldn’t be right, you’d just regret it afterwards.” He says, but deep down he wants nothing more than to say yes.

You feel the pressure behind your eyes. Does Peter not want you like you want him?

“I would do the same for you, Peter. You know I would.”

“Fuck.” He mutters. He gets to his knees and pulls the drawstring of his shorts, pulling them off his legs and his hard cock hits his lower abdomen.

“God, you’re big.” You grin, scooting closer to him. His hand wraps around his cock and he gives himself a few strokes.

“I don’t want to hurt you.”

“You won’t hurt me. I want you inside of me. Actually scrap that, I need you inside of me. It hurts so much, Peter.” You whine.

“I promise I’ll make it better. I’ll take care of you, I’m here for you.” He stops, thinking, “But do you have condoms?”

“In that drawer.” You tell him.

He opens the drawer from your nightstand. Along with a few scary-looking toys, he finds a bunch of condoms.

“Uh why do you have so many, I thought you haven’t had sex.”

“I haven’t, but I use sex toys when I’m by myself and the shop that sells them gives you free condoms with every purchase.”

“Hm, where is the shop-”

“Peter.”

“Oh, right.”

He positions himself above you, his hands either side of your head.

“Can I kiss you?” He asks.

“Please.” You whisper. You bring your head up so your lips touch. Even though Peter’s fingered and eaten you out tonight, nothing was ever as intense as this kiss. The first kiss you gave him earlier was just desperate. But there’s a hint of something more in this one.

Your tongues meet in slow, sensual kisses until you leak onto the bed and you’re reminded of the emptiness inside of you. You moan into Peter’s mouth and he bites your tongue when your fingers graze his cock, then wrapping around him and stroking.

“You ready?” He asks. You hum.

He sinks into you gradually. Peter’s never been as thankful for his Spider-Man stamina as he is now, because otherwise he’d be done for.

He goes slow to make sure he’s not hurting you, but it doesn’t hurt.

Peter worries once sobs start leaving your mouth, but they’re from pleasure.

It feels so goddamn good how Peter’s cock bumps against your g-spot while your finger rubs your clit.

It’s nearly overwhelming how good everything feels. All it takes is a look at Peter’s face and down his body, watching his cock disappear inside of you, and you’re coming.

You flutter around Peter’s cock and squeeze him so good that he orgasms too.

You’re both out of breath and Peter slumps down on you, careful not to squash you as his arms give out under him. He slowly rolls off of you, lying close to you still.

“Fuck, that was exhausting,” He breathes out, “But I mean I can go again, no problem if-”

“No I’m.. I feel good.” You raise your shoulders and use your arms to cover your chest.

“Is everything alright? Do you… regret what we just did? Fuck I shouldn’t have-”

“No no not at all, I don’t regret it, promise.” You reassure him, “Just um a bit embarrassed that you saw me like that.”

“No inhibitions, remember?” His hand strokes along your arm.

You’re both still naked, bodies glistening with sweat and Peter’s still admiring you.

“So you’re good? Satisfied?”

“Very, thank you, Peter.”

“So do you want to go shower?” You’re a sticky mess, so the answer is yes.

*

“I’ll let you go first.” Peter offers, in front of the bathroom.

“The shower is big enough to share. I mean after what just happened we can shower next to each other, can’t we?” You drag him into the bathroom with you. You let go of the bedsheet you held around you as a cover.

“Oh, okay yeah.”

You step into the shower and turn the water on, washing away the stickiness around your thighs first.

Peter’s watching you, but you’re too busy cleaning up.

“God, I’m sore. Can you get my back?” You only half-turn, to see Peter dropping his sheet and stepping into the shower behind you.

He takes your pink loofah sponge and starts massaging your back while you wash your hair.

This is not what Peter thought about when you said no inhibitions. It’s not that he doesn’t want to see you naked. But Peter’s completely hard again and you don’t even acknowledge it. Did you even notice? This is not ideal.

“Thanks. That felt good. Are you finished?” You ask, grabbing a towel and getting out of the shower. Peter doesn’t want you to know he’s hard and he turns his front to the wall. He doesn’t miss how your eyes go to his ass.

“I just need another minute or two to clean up. I’ll be out in a second.” He says and you go to your room to put on fresh pyjamas and change your bedsheets.

It’s been ten minutes and Peter still hasn’t come to your room. You text him,

You: You still showering?

Spiderboy: No

Y: Where are you then?

S: My room

Y: Why

S: Cause it’s my room

Y: Don’t you wanna come to my room?

A minute later there’s a knock on your door.

You have to limp to the door because of your earlier activities.

“If I had still been in the shower I couldn’t have answered your text, by the way.” That’s all he says.

He walks to your bed but doesn’t sit down.

“Thanks again, Peter. I don’t know what I would’ve done without you.” You sit down on the bed. He smiles at you weakly.

“Sit down.” You order. He stares at the bed. His hand glides across the mattress. He sits down.

“Peter? What-what’s going on in your mind? You’re being awkward and surely after what just happened I should be the one behaving awkwardly. But I‘m not, because I trust you, so what‘s going on?”

“I don’t know. It’s just, we’re friends - we said that, right? Friends help each other and stuff. So we’re friends but we just had sex and I don’t know what that means for us.”

“Do you regret it?”

He shakes his head.

“Peter. Look at me.” He does, “When I first found out about that plant, and I googled, it said there’s two ways to be “cured” by the effect of that plant.

So one is the option of impregnation-” Peter’s eyes go wide.

“No no don’t worry that’s not the one. We used a condom, it’ll be fine. So the second option… is to sleep with someone that you love. It’s weird, I didn’t quite get it, but on Asgard they use it to unite two lovers, I don’t know. But it worked.” You don’t look him in the eye.

“So, like, what does that mean?”

“It means… that I love you. My body was acting up, but I could still think clearly. And I knew that I love you and that meant it would help.” This time you look at him. His eyes are locked on his lap.

“I know that you love me, friends love each other. That’s normal.” He fidgets with the string of his hoodie.

“So.. do you not want to be more than that? More than friends?” You’re back to not looking at him now.

He lets out a deep breath. “No inhibitions, so here we go, I want to be more than that. More than friends. How could I not? But I know that, for years, you’ve only seen me as a friend, of course someone as amazing as you wouldn’t love me like that.”

“But I do. Have for ages. Do you think I’d let a friend see me like that? Soaking my whole fucking bed? Do you think I would ask a friend to have sex with me? Besides, the thing with the plant, it wouldn’t have worked if I only loved you as a friend.” You explain. Now you’re finally locking eyes.

“For real?” Peter asks and you laugh.

“Yes.” You grin.

“For real, for real?” He asks and you grin wider.

“Yes for real, for real. I love you, Peter. As someone I want to be with, like in a relationship. And have awesome sex like we did today. Just not quite that desperate.”

“For real for real for real?” He asks and you want to kiss him silly.

“Peter if you ask that one more time I’ll kiss you until you’ve forgotten every word except my name.”

“For-” He doesn’t get to end his sentence. You straddle him despite the burn in your thighs and pin him to the mattress. You don’t know how much time goes by while you’re just making out with Peter.

“Oh and I love you too, by the way.”

[lvlyhao]

『MTL likely to expose your relationship』

MTL scenario, NCT DREAM

a/n: hi, no one asked for this, I just did it anyway, enjoy it <3

𝓖𝓮𝓷𝓻𝓮𝓼: CRACK (⍢)??

𝓦𝓪𝓻𝓷𝓲𝓷𝓰𝓼: idk man, I think none, but I do swear a lot so

disclaimer: the characters in the story below do not reflect real people or present real facts. this is purely fictional, and you may not copy, change, translate or repost my work in any way. all rights reserved © lvlyhao 2022.

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MOST chenle, mark, haechan, jaemin/jeno, renjun, jisung LEAST

Chenle

ok hear me out

it’s not like he wanted to expose the two of you on a v-live

it’s just that he doesn’t think things through enough to stop it from happening lmao

chenle is BLUNT

and he’s not too interested in keeping his idol image clean

+ he really hates the way his company wants them to play into the whole girlfriend thing with the fans

cus it really is weird, we all know it

so i reckon it’d happen while reading comments

someone would say like “chenle please marry me oppa ” and he’d go

“lol no i’m already taken”

renjun, who was with him for the live, looks horrified for about 2 seconds before breaking into a song to distract everyone

(didn’t really work but +10 points for trying)

feels bad bc he didn’t want to out the relationship without your consent but he’s more focused on handling it well, now that it’s already happened

Mark

ok i feel bad for him in this scenario

mark would try really hard to keep everything about your relationship in private, cus he doesn’t want anything to come between you right

having said that, he’s also v v whipped

and when it comes to you, he,,, loses it a bit

and unlike chenle, who registers what he said after a couple seconds, he’d be blissfully unaware about it

until after the live is over and his managers are freaking out lol

and it would all happen over the dumbest thing

he’d be with doyoung and johnny, just chilling, when he picks up his phone at the exact moment you text him

and he’d punch johnny’s shoulder and be like “YO y/n just sent me the funniest dog picture dude”

and god bless doyoung, who went “huh? jeno? HAHAHAHA YEAH jeno has such good,,,, dog pictures”

“no but i didn’t say jeno i said—”

and then johnny started talking, making up some random story about jeno to pretend nothing was out of control <3

Haechan

lol

honestly he’d blame all of this on poor mark

cus the mark incident happened and he’d make fun of him for like 4 weeks for outing the relationship

and he’d get WAY too confident about keeping yours a secret

aka he screwed up bc he was pretty sure he couldn’t possibly screw up

was doing a live with taeil and taeil would innocently ask about the bracelet he was wearing, having NO IDEA it was a couple thing

and this dumbass would tell him how he got it at swarovski a few days ago to match with <3<3someone<3<3

if you look very closely, you can see taeil’s soul leaving his body right here

hyuck’s 2 brain cells were collapsing

and there was just this awful, awkward silence for some moments before he just

“YEAH ANYWAY everyone, we have to end the v-live here—”

probably cried in his bed that night

Jaemin/Jeno

i put them together bc i think the chances of either of them outing their relationships are very, very low

but never 0

if it happened at all, it probably wouldn’t be the same way as the others

they wouldn’t talk about you

for jeno, i think it would be a 7dream live to promote their latest comeback and it would all be going so so so well

until you walk by the room they’re in to get some water or whatever

and jeno is just

staring so fucking much lmaaaao

like his eyes follow you there and back and his expression is just :]

then someone slaps his knees like “boy tf you doing” and he’s back into it

but of course the fans took notice of it and connected it to something prior, like a new ring he had been wearing these days

and then it’s done lol poor dude

i pity jaemin even more

it was just the wrong timing and wrong place

he’d be live with jisung, sitting on the couch with his phone on the coffee table in front of them

and god

the one time he doesn’t put the screen down

you call, getting out of work or classes or smth

and everyone can see painfully clear that the contact name is “cutie pie ”

honestly i think the fans as a whole would brush it off with something like “ah thats probably jeno”

if jisung hadn’t looked so absolutely terrified

his face in an utter panic said everything

Renjun

renjun is another member i’m 100% sure would never expose the relationship himself

he just wouldn’t

he does his best to never get anywhere NEAR any subjects that would point towards you

and just avoid anything that includes you altogether while he’s working

so having said that, another member would expose it lmao

i’m thinking maybe someone from china line, like yangyang

cus we all saw that time yangyang nearly sang WAP during a live right

he has no filter

and very little fear of consequences

so yeah, i say it’s him

they’d be doing a live over at wayv’s dorms and yangyang would accidentally tell a story involving you lol

renjun would shut him up pretty quickly but the damage is done

and i’m not saying renjun would try to strangle yangyang for it but that’s exactly what i’m saying

rip yangster

Jisung

so proud of having him in the last place <3

you’d probably be his first serious relationship or one of the firsts

and he’d just never never never never want to mess it up in any way

he has way too much fear of losing/hurting you

so you can bet your ass he is not letting it happen

not now, not ever

he’s really not much of a serious or level-headed person in general but if it concerns you, he is NOT! HAVING! IT!!!

i swear if he hears the first syllable of your name he is shutting everyone up, ending the live and getting his bags to move with you to peru

he just

never spills it and makes sure no one else does it either

the end