#had to use 2 deviced to make sure that i could at least finish it for a ss

[hangobrrr]

They were there, even just for a moment. They were there.

(pixel art design by: rikokoooou on twt)

[greensun]

THE BIG QSMPSTUCK LOREDUMP AKA: I finally get to do all the lorebabble I wanted to do.

EDIT (11/1/2023): THIS VERSION IS NOW OUT OF DATE AND DOES NOT INCLUDE THE PEOPLE IN THE ICE CUBES. I AM CURRENTLY REWORKING PARTS OF THIS BUT MOST SHOULD STAY THE SAME FOR THE NEW POSTS SANS BAGHERA, KAMETO, AND DANTDM'S CLASSPECTS! LOOK FORWARD TO UPDATED POSTS IN THE FUTURE.

SOME NOTES: 1. I have a very specific version of qsmpstuck going on with my art I make that I made with a group of friends (thanks Slimercord!) 2. There are other people who made other classpects and takes on QSMP characters that are more character based, mine is not that case, it looks at how QSMP as a whole would work as a full sburb session, and balancing how many people would be on each aspect or class to carry that motif of Homestuck's balancing/equal duality theme. This means I am looking at and using Classpects as a narrative & plot device, not necessarily a personality test like how someone would classpect a real person (This is how the Extended Zodiac works, and why I choose to ignore it for character classpecting. It works great for classpecting real life people though, so by all means you can use the EZ for you and your friends!). 3. AND WITH THAT! It means two people per aspect and and class, with the exception of space and time having three people, and knights and heirs having three people. 4. FAIR WARNING: IF YOU HAVE NEVER READ HOMESTUCK, THERE IS LOTS OF DEATH IN IT, WITH LOTS OF RESURRECTIONS. I WILL BE DISCUSSING DEATH IN A VERY JOKING MANNER HERE! 5. For posterity in case things change in the future: This post was made August 2nd 2023, after the French were added, and right before the Election arc finished. I'm sure if I came back to this after QSMP is over my classpecting would be different. (Updated August 20, 2023)

I'll add this again at the bottom but if you want more of my notes and thought processes or just more qsmpstuck in general here's the link to my tag for all qsmpstuck on this blog, and here's the link to all qsmpstuck on my regular mcyt blog. (my regular blog includes other people's qsmpstuck takes & reblogs however! But every classpect analysis I reblogged in there w/ an anonymous ask sent to the OP was me on anon lol)

HERE WE GO! The big ol google doc sheet I had to make for this. Every note on that godtier order list is how we decided the character would godtier, and we still aren't even technically done! I have so much information built up for this AU I am not sure I could include all of it in this post.

CLASSPECTS

Anyway, in terms of classpects, the way we went about deciding was 1. Finding symbolic meanings we felt fit the characters best 2. If the classpect was funny and had a fun double entendre to the character 3. If we really struggled, we went and picked up Dahni Witch of Light's classpect analyses and found which class fit a character best within an aspect we had a vague idea of. I find Dahni's analyses to be the best at classpecting non-homestuck characters with, because they give enough leeway in interpretation and are somewhat broad, while still applying as a fictional character's story arc, rather than solely a personality test. We also basically ignored most classpect's assigned "role" concept thingy, they were too nebulous in meaning to help much, with the only ones we kept being Sylphs are the passive creation class with Maids as the active creation class, and then Bards are passive destruction, Princes are active destruction.

AND NOW BACK TO THE CUBES YOU CARE ABOUT: As stated before, we did lay it out so we (mostly) only had two per aspect and class, to get that true fan session balancing spirit. Space/time and knight/heir are the only ones with three members. Here's how the outfits look!

My favorites here & their reasonings are: - Etoiles: Sylph of Blood - We all agreed him getting a classpect that is at least somewhat silly would be fitting, but all immediately came to the conclusion that he would hands down be a blood player. From his love of fighting, and the way he goes about befriending everyone he meets to help them, he's just so blood player. To balance out our initial silly classpecting idea, we made him a Sylph! It fits, like, really well! He creates friendship, he helps people, like. What more could you want from a classpect for him. - Mariana: Maid of Doom - I sent these two asks to this other person about this and liked their reasonings lol. - Spreen: Prince of Breath - Look I'm a Spreengirl I think he would play a great active destruction class and he takes away other's freedom (in minecraft). He kills people. He's just so Prince to me. It's really funny. - BBH: Knight of Life - Do you know how funny it is to take a guy who's whole thing is that he's like entirely black and red themed and put him in the burlap sack outfit. Also Knight & Space player frog breeding combo. He's working with Foolish on those frogs. - Foolish: Page of Space - This guy is the ultimate builder of all time ever. He was hands down the easiest to look at and go Oh he is THE space player here. - Fit: Prince of Space - Y'know 2b2t and hacked clients and griefing people? Prince of Space. Plus since he's a space player, soooo - Philza: Knight of Rage - Another great Space & Knight combo. This guy is such a hater on QSMP (positive) he doubts easily distrusts whenever necessary. Such a rage player. - Missa: Bard of Time - Missa is really failgirl I know quite a few people haven't like... watched much of his MC stuff. However you should check out when he had to be placed in a box to fish by himself so he wouldn't die a third time in Minecraft Extremo. He's a perfect Bard, and then he does music. Great set up for a Time player. Wouldn't want it any other way. - Antoine: Seer of Void - truly. Truly. A guy I looked at for two minutes and immediately knew what classpect he needed. That scene where he just like lightly questioned Cellbit after he escaped the federation and it made Cellbit so nervous he started just saying things that made him look way more nervous than necessary? Core Antoine moment for me. The fact he has a basement filled with so much writing on every candidate? The fact he hides his true face so much? We don't even know what's going on there? Void Player. Seer. So fitting it's beautiful to me. - Felps: Maid of Breath - Look, breath is THE aspect of freedom and doing what you want at your own pace. I think I would be committing a cardinal sin if I DIDN'T make Felps a breath player. - Tazercraft: Witch of Doom & Page of Time - They get to do a fucked up glitch timeloop. With these two classpects they can literally do whatever they want forever. Witch of Doom is a classpect that you give to a character if you know they can rip everything to shreds, have fun doing it, but wouldn't (usually) use it to actively hurt people out of true malice (for no reason) (a witch can DEFINITELY respond negatively if push comes to shove). Page of Time is so funny as a classpect also. Just like... Look up what the Page godtier outfit looks like. You'll see what I mean... And why Pac is a page. - Rubius: Waste of Breath - This classpect sounds really mean, sorry. I promise I like Rubius. He's supposed to be a stand in for what the Hussie author insert was in Homestuck, opposing Doc Scratch and fighting him. Hussie was a Waste of Space, I wanted to keep the pun with waste here. Breath worked the best. The federation has a Lord of Blood ability to counter him. Neither of these two count for the main classpect total.

One day I might post a copy of the google sheet and link it for more in-depth reasonings for every character, but like... almost everyone had reasonings like this where we spent waaay too long analyzing everyone LMAO. This is getting long as is, so I'll cut off classpecting here.

DREAMING MOONS

I am about to say something that will make people either really mad or really happy. There is no canon true definition of what assigns you a dreaming moon in Homestuck's text. The only thing we can glean from canon about which moon you get is that Prospit humans make their bed in the morning, and Derse humans don't. Needless to say, this doesn't help when you want to individually give each person a dreaming moon, but it IS great news for me: it makes assigning dreaming moons based on dividing the cast in half really, really easy. That is how it worked for the troll session, it was cut in half with teams, and then assigned based on red team vs blue team. So that is what I did here. All of the English speakers were given Prospit, and all of the Hispanic side were given Derse. This has lore relevance. We'll get back to it in a moment.

Also for note, the Federation is Prospit, with Dersite carapacians being a more nebulous identity against the Federation. Hispanic side was given Derse because they just seem more like Derse guys. Plus the whole Time on Derse/Space on Prospit theme going on in original HS canon is something I kinda wanted to go along with.

Quackity was given dual dreamer, with one of his dreamselves being ElQuackity, hence why he isn't listed. To balance this, we had to make another dual dreamer, and figured handing it to Kameto, who basically is permanently lost in the void, would be a good balance.

The French and Brazilian sessions were assigned using the "well this character would make sense here" method.

Server/Client Orders & Session Chains

If anyone needs a brief refresher, a client is the person you get into a sburb session, and a server is the person gets you into the session. Everyone is a client and a server to someone different. (tl;dr John was Rose's client, Rose was John's Server.) THAT BEING SAID! It means the loop for sessions close once you're all connected to both a client and a server. There are three separate sessions here, and one of them is a mobius double reacharound.

For clarity, the arrows mean: Client <- Server

The Original session, the mobius double reacharound, is the Spanish-English session. The order is

Quackity <- Mariana <- Spreen <- Roier <- Missa <- Vegetta <- Maxo <- Luzu (<- BBH)

BBH <- Foolish <- Slimecicle <- Jaiden <- DanTDM <- Fit <- Philza <- Wilbur (<- Quackity)

Because of the nature of a Mobius Double Reacharound, it means BBH and Quackity enter the session first, by technicality. The first person in a session is also the person who does the ectobiology. Unlike the troll session which only had Karkat as the ectobiologist, if Q!Quackity were the sole ectobiologist, no clones would be made and everyone would be stuck in a paradox, so I think it's funnier if BBH and Q had to work together on Ectobiology. I find their dynamic hilarious. Anyway, Luzu and Wilbur had to be the last in their respective chains, because no one else would be able to enter.

The next chain is the Brazilian closed Session, which is

Forever <- Mike <- Pac <- Felps <- Cellbit (<- Forever)

As previously mentioned, Pac e Mike (uou uou) have very good classpects to make up for the fact they have no space player. I'll come back to this.

The final chain is the French closed session. It goes

Baghera <- Antoine <- Etoiles <- AyPierre <- Kameto (<- Baghera)

They have balanced moons! They have a space player! They have a seer even! Both light and void! However, in missing a time player, they are forever doomed to fail the session.

LANDS OF PLANETS AND PARTNERS

Now I can finally explain actual lore. My apologies for making you read about 1000 words before this.

The Hispanic-English session is glitched. There is not a planet for each person. They have to share planets with a person from the opposite dreaming moon, generating lands that are a combination of two different aspects entirely. The planetary pairings for this prime session are the same pairings used for the initial egg pairings.

I really love designing lands for Sburb AUs it's my favorite thing in the world. The first one is the Land of Acid and Alcohol, Slimecicle (Heir of Heart) and Mariana's (Maid of Doom) land. Its oceans are acid and gasoline, and then covered in bottles that are a Russian roulette of alcoholic beverages, and then Molotov cocktails! The second is the Land of Steam and Dreams, Roier (Witch of Blood) and Jaiden's (Seer of Hope) land. It's filled with buildings built in an industrial revolution style architecture, playing on how people could believe in social mobility and "making it" in that time period, while also being reliant on heavy metallic machinery! I have a lot of fun conceptualizing lands.

The session's glitches don't stop at the planetary pairings on their own however, and it continues when Luzu attempts to enter the session. The session glitches from him being BBH's client, where it refuses to match pairings if they're connected directly, as the game would be unable to generate the gates above each player's house, it would simply loop back to connecting with the same Land. Luzu ends up being paired onto Quackity's land because of this, because the Game still detects him as having a dreamself on the opposite moon, even if he technically has both.

This causes BBH and Wilbur's land to glitch, and they end up paired together (as a bit of a nod back to how BBH and Wilbur were initially intended to be paired, before admins just made a new egg for Wilbur). We'll get back to this in a bit.

Some other lands from the AH session I enjoy are - The Land of Lush Forests and Iridescent Lakes, also known as LOLFAIL, BBH and Wilbur's land, which is a double Life player land, so the oceans are filled with gemstones and the land is covered in the most dense forest imaginable. It has the most difficult underlings spawn on it compared to any other land in the Anglo-Hispanic session. - The Land of Frogs and Typhoons, Spreen and Fit's land, which every space player is guaranteed frogs as part of their land, combined with Spreen being a breath player, it is a constant hurricane with frogs in it. They do not work on trying to calm the storm. They just start killing the frogs. There are so many frogs. The frogs are constantly flying at anyone who enters the land. Fit's slogan is FTF. Thank you to crow qsmp-yaoi for saying this idea because it truly brings me to tears every time I think about them being hit by those frogs flying at Mach 10. - The Land of Synapses and Static, Maxo and DanTDM's land. It's a darkened land, caused by Maxo's void, and then covered in a blanket of constant fog so thick a lighthouse can barely cut through it. The land also has mimicking noises to make familiar sounds to any player that steps on it, caused by Dan's Mind. It is an overbearingly lonely land. One where you understand what it truly feels like to be alone. One where you can lose someone as soon as you take your eyes off of them. Maxo last saw Dan on this land. No one else has seen him since.

I'm going to stop myself here, but I might come back and draw some more Land illustrations for these, haha.

Denizeggs

With the planetary partners, you might have seen this coming. Each planet in the combined session is missing a Denizen. Instead, what each player finds at the heart of the land is a little egg they need to help raise. They all find eggs at different points, however. Some people find their egg before they godtier, some find them afterward.

All of the eggs correspond to the land of their respective parents, however Luzu joins into the session too late to ever meet Tilin, second to last of the chain, she's already dead by that point.

And then the final major glitch in starting this session, when Wilbur joins as the final member of the chain, and enters, the only land open is BBH's land. Due to the nature of Sburb already knowing how things would end, it was always going to be this way, and there was no other option on who's planet he would join. The game glitches again, and detecting a second Prospit player, spawns in a new Denizen: Tallulah.

The eggs generally follow how they were in QSMP proper. Some of them die early. Some of them don't. Juanaflippa is as tragic as she is in canon. Two dads who are just bad at raising a child and it would have never worked out. Slime still kills Tilin by accident. Spreen doesn't care about Ramon, ditched him etc you know how it goes. The eggs are partially a planet quest too, so it's best if the eggs do live here.

Also in the glitches with this, there's a lack of consorts on any of the combined planets. There are a few, but not really as common as canon proper would have.

BRAZIL! 🇧🇷

The Brazil Session is a closed session between the five Brazilians. One of the requirements to complete Sburb is that you need a Space player (required to have forge in order to complete the final genesis frog & launch it into creating a new universe) and a Time player (required to keep the session in the proper timeline). The Brazilians have a time player (Pac), so they're halfway there!

There's some hiccups along the way. Mostly just Cellbit accidentally killing Felps and having to sprite him so Mike could make him a robot body to live in, but same old same old etc. Pac and Mike also kill each other by accident, but some other stuff happens there.

They still don't have the main aspect to actually continue the session, realize this, and also have a guy with one of the most conceptually powerful classpects to exist in terms of being able to glitch a game and save everyone. They manage to contact the primary session, reaching out to two grieving parents who are desperate to do anything to revive their daughter, one of whom is also a very powerful Doom player.

Brazilian Lands (brief edition)! - Land of Vultures and Culture, Forever's land, is a Hope land based around having Forever work to help save consorts who are hiding beneath intense structures and live in very isolate communities from each other. There's also massive megafauna in the skies that are always trying to kill them. - Land of Electronics and Experiments, Mike's land, is a pretty typical doom land, based around Chume labs, and has a constant lightning storm overhead - Land of Dancefloors and Dollhouses, Pac's land, is a combination of a land quest he has to get through, and a typical time land. All time lands have a clockwork or a music theme, I think him having a hot pink land that's massive amounts of dollhouse rooms attached to each other he has to make it through is just a fun concept. - Land of Cloud and Sky, Felps's world, is just a land with everything high in the sky. His whole quest is about him harnessing his ability to go with the flow to connect his consorts together. This is hard when he's sprited himself after dying upon entering due to Cellbit fucking up and accidentally killing him, and living in a robot body built by Mike. Aradia style. - Land of Searchlight and Bone, Cellbit's world, is a giant panopticon style prison. With so many bones, both decorating the prison, and filling the prison cells. His final moment is when he gets to the office of the panopticon, and it is his quest bed. He has a whole ordeal over it.

RICARLYSON! So these guys have regular consorts and Denizens, Richarlyson spawns in the heart of Skaia, and gives the quest for the other five guys to raise him.

Pac (Page of Time) has the ability to manipulate time as he wants once he realizes his abilities. Mike (Witch of Doom) can rip a hole in the universe so big it saves all of the players and sets them smack in the middle of another session, especially a previously contacted session with the connection being a Maid of Doom. With a time player land as well, they get a scratch construct on the Land of Dancefloors and Dollhouses, setting up their ability to scratch their session and set loose a whole new universe where theirs once stood.

French

The French session has probably the most normal planets of everything going on here, what really starts their journey going awry is that they have no time player.

Antoine, being a Seer of Void, can see something is going wrong. He makes contact with people outside of their session in an attempt to restore things to balance. He goes off into the veil and contacts the horrorterrors, and sets up a connection between two Doom players who seem they both desperately need it.

While he's doing that, the rest of the French proceed to have the most normal Sburb session out of anyone. Etoiles is having a great time on his planet. Aypierre gets a genesis tadpole. Kameto has two backup lives.

French Planets (Brief Edition) - Land of Apples and Airplanes, Baghera's land! It's probably the nicest land of anyone's. There are many jokes about how she doesn't get why everyone keeps complaining about their lands being horrible until she reaches theirs. - Land of Sham and Soil, Antoine's land, it's a dark land with tall dirt towers that make it impossible to see where you step. You'd need to be someone who could find where you're going in the pitch dark to even survive here. - Land of Bonds and Breakouts, Etoiles's land, is a land of a giant maze dungeon labyrinth. It's a nightmare for everyone but him. He loves it. - Land of Bogs and Frogs, AyPierre's land, is a land with frogs in a very thick swamp. I'll be honest i Just need to cook on this one some more. - Land of Hidden Leaves and War, Kameto's land, is a Naruto joke.

POMME! Is like Richas she's in the middle of Skaia. An easter egg if you will.

The French session is brought into the primary session when Antoine manages to contact with everyone else fully, rather than quietly watch from the outside. Etoiles and Baghera lose their original selves, and are their dreamselves when the universes collide in, and were unable to godtier, due to not knowing about the quest slabs.

GODTIERING! & the rest of the chronological story

THIS is the order of the godtiers from the beginning of the Spanish-English session. Anyone in the other sessions who godtier before their universe collide event has a red numeral to keep them distinct. I feel pretty strongly almost everyone would godtier here, they're all characters based on gamers. Sburb au works exceptionally well when you know everyone's gaming style.

Also, yeah I have notes listed on each godtier order for how each person dies. Like it's that detailed atp.

Spreen has the highest kill count out of everyone on purpose. I think he'd be down to cut his friends down knowing they'd be revived immortal afterward. As well as, the federation is Prospit in this scenario, they want everyone to godtier. I think him playing to what they want out of him feels his style. Anyway, he sprites his own dreamself due to ElQuackity messing with timeloops. To make his living player self trust him, Spreensprite convinces him to godtier Roier first. It is himself he's talking to, after all. Roier becomes the first godtier in any universe, and not out of his own volition. After seeing it really did work with Roier, Spreen godtiers himself. He gets li'l bear ears ala Jade getting doggy ears with her dreamself sprited, he threw in a Rubius cubito to his kernelsprite first. I like the bear ears I'm biased .3. q!Spreen being really fun in a Sburb concept is why I got hooked on this au after all.

After the first lore is repeated, BBH godtiers himself by decapitating himself with a sendificator to fuck with Foolish. He's kinda bitter about getting beige clothes. He befriends the midnight crew at least. This is before he has Dapper. He finds out about godtiering from Roier by accident and then is like. Oh I have the BEST idea.

Vegetta is killed by Spreen by request, wanting to be stronger to protect Leo, and then Spreen godtiers Missa in order to use his time powers on Derse to throw his dreamself at the kernelsprite, locking the time loop. Anyway, Missa is essentially locked in a tower on Derse's moon after this, now permanently in his Dreamself's body, who hadn't awoken prior. Fit realizes people are walking around in weird clothes, hears about it vaguely from BBH, sends a text to Spreen who'd been ghosting him, and goes like. Hey man. Wanna kill me? And gets his first reply in months.

Phil is attacked by an overpowered monster and almost dies, and Missa manages to get the message to Fit that this is happening through time shenanigans, and Fit manages to get him to his questbed before he fully dies and loses his dreamself. Phil is not happy about this and could not be angrier. He doesn't blame Fit though it's like a self anger thing.

THE BRAZILIAN CASCADE HAPPENS! PEOPLE DIE. By which I mean Slimecicle and Mariana work together to try to help the Brazilians into the session in a bid at saving Juanaflippa, hoping one of them have the ability to revive her. Slimecicle is murdered in the crypts of Prospit by Quackity in a duel, where he cuts off Quackity's arm in exchange for Quackity cutting down his life. Truly one of those luck moments where Charlie dies on his questslab. Mariana is murdered at the same time by Spreen, who is now fully working under orders from the Federation.

Pre-cascade, Pac and Mike both godtier, because they stumble into a stable timeloop, by Mike accidentally glitching Pac's questslab into throwing it at him and killing him. He godtiers with this. Now, as a fully godtiered page of time, they make it to Mike's questbed, and godtier!Mike nudges Pac's slab at Past!Mike to pick up and throw when fucking around with powers.

Felps godtiers in the cascade along with Mariana and Slimecicle, they leave behind Derse and its moon, and they both get destroyed. Where his body sleeping on the quest slab godtiers. Aradia style. Except... as a Maid of Breath, his robot sprite body doesn't explode. He just sort of... exists in both. When one falls asleep the other wakes up. The rest of the Brazilian session just assumes the Cascade fucked with his robot body's energy sources. He kind of just figures each side is a weird dream he keeps having.

Cellbit is staunchly anti-godtier, while Forever wants someone he trusts to godtier him. Cellbit refuses to godtier Forever, and causes a major fight between them. Then Spreen murders Cellbit into his godtier under orders from the Federation, which is preceded by a long Scooby-doo-esque chase, where BBH sees them both, and decides to follow. BBH is a fully godtiered Knight of Life here, he has resurrection powers for other players, and Spreen is functionally immortal as well. BBH 100% catches up to him after he kills Cellbit, and proceeds to put Spreen in a torment nexus of dying and undeath. Thus ends the Killing Spree(n).

AND THEN THE FRENCH CASCADE HAPPENS! The final session connects, and Baghera sacrifices herself to make it happen. After they make it in, they learn about Quest slabs, and there's a whole thing with Etoiles dramatically getting her to her questslab before she fully dies. Etoiles then proceeds to go kill himself on the questslab immediately after. Felps is also hanging out with the French, they found him hanging out in the void and take him with them. They lose Kameto in the void however, nobody's really sure where he went.

Pre-French Cascade, Antoine is the only French player to godtier, and no one will explain how it happened. It seems like no one really knows, but Etoiles keeps saying more fantastical descriptions every time someone asks. He's never taken his seer hood off of his face.

Back in the order of the godtiers, Forever befriends Baghera, and eventually her and Etoiles and Cellbit help him godtier. It's a whole event. Richas is having a blast.

Bobby dies, and Jaiden decides to godtier in order to get into the Federation's good graces, as well as out of guilt of feeling that if she were stronger and godtiered she could have saved him. Roier godtiers her.

AyPierre is godtiered in a tragic accident with one of his many machines. Etoiles helps pull him to his quest bed. He's a Thief of Space he has fun with it.

Foolish is the second to last person to godtier, and he is godtiered by Pomme by accident. He wanted his godtier to be as cool as possible, and somehow managed to not godtier by this point. It's just very him. He's down with the page pants.

Quackity is the final member to godtier. BBH kills ElQ at one end of the universe with the aid of Maximus. Slimecicle kills the regular QQ in one final duel.

At the end of the universe, the only people left alive and able to contact the rest of the sessions to never godtier are Wilbur and Maxo.

DanTDM disappears on the Land of Synapses and Static, never to be seen again, along with Turnip following soon after.

Luzu finds a glitch and is absorbed by it not long after he enters.

Nobody is really sure if Kameto godtiered or not.

MISCELLANEOUS NOTES

We're currently working on figuring out sprites for everyone, so hey! I might come back and add an update on that, but this post is so long my computer is lagging. I have a gaming laptop. It shouldn't be doing that. Here's some stuff on the sprites we do have + some misc notes.

Cellbit's flashlightkind is like how Kanaya's lipstick works. It's a chainsaw.

Spreen has Spreensprite, BBH has Skeppysprite, Missa has a sprite that is a mysterious skull sprited twice called Skullskullsprite, and Roier has his dog with a spiderman called Dogmansprite, and Jaiden has Arisprite, who's Miku & Ari combined :D (thanks icarus!)

It is 5 am as I finish typing this and queue it. I think I started typing this at 5 pm yesterday. Feel free to comment any thoughts you have or play around in this au! Also feel free to @ me if you do, either on my main mcyt blog (@etoilesbienne), or here!

qsmpstuck tag on my art blog / qsmpstuck tag on my regular mcyt talk blog

[ineffable-suffering]

The Curious Incident of The Flaming Sword in Good Omens

Just like so many other Good Omens red herrings, hints and *Aziraphale voice* clues, the question of 'What the fuck ist the deal with Aziraphale's flaming sword' has been absolutely tormenting my mind ever since S1 dropped all those years ago.

And while many of my other questions about S2 (like 'What the fuck is the deal with the Eccles cakes' or 'Who the fuck made the Gabriel statue') remain unanswered and could, possibly, just not matter at all and I should just get the fuck over them– the unsolved case of Aziraphale's flaming sword in S1 has always seemed like a weirdly important blind spot to me.

So, in an attempt to finally solve this knot in my brain, I made a timeline for the bloody Flaming Sword because what else would I spend my Friday evening on. Here goes nothing, I thought:

Aziraphale gets issued the sword by Heaven to guard the Garden of Eden in 4004 BC, and gives it away to the humans.

God asks him about it right after they humans have left Eden, Aziraphale lies to her and before even finishing speaking, God just loggs off and doesn't seem to care anymore.

The sword seems to be lost for the next 6000 years to follow and, once again, no one really cares.

The first time we see it again is when the International Express Man delivers it to War in the present day.

The next time we see it after that, is when Pepper effectively kicks war in the shin, makes her drop the sword and proceeds to anihilate her with it.

Brian and Wensleydale do the same to Famine and Pollution.

Aziraphale then wields the sword once more, despite never having to really use it (but hey, it looks capital-B Badass).

Lastly, our Holy Delivery Guy then picks up the sword together with the other (now deceased?) Horsmen's artefacts and they once again vanish.

Needless to say, I found myself nothing the wiser after making this timeline. It seemed completely useless. I still had no idea why the sword even existed and why they kept making such a big fucking fuss about it all throughout Season 1. So, I decided to make another list, this time with all the random ass questions I had about this random ass sword:

Why was it issued to Aziraphale in the first place? Since when does an angel need a random flaming weapon to protect two (2) humans that are already being guarded by a hundred-meter-high wall, when he could very well just miracle away any and every threat to both himself and them?

Was he given the sword to defend himself against demons? If so, why would they give him a burning blade instead of, for example, a Supersoaker full of Holy Water? (Sure, I'm fairly certain Supersoakers hadn't been invented yet, but you catch my drift)

Is the sword actually burning with hellfire? If so, it would a) still be a pretty useless weapon against demons, but also b) possibly explain why Pepper, Brian and Wensleydale were able to kill or at least temporarily get rid of three of the four Horsemen of the Apocalypse (who, be they whatever they actually are, surely count as some sort of immortal entities just like angels and demons do)

Did the sword actually kill War, Pollution and Famine? After all, the World as we knew it did get reinstated by Adam again once they managed to stop Armageddon. Does that mean that the three Horsemen were revived again too? Unless Season 2 takes place in a war-less, pollution-less and famine-less world, they must have somehow made their return (or never really died in the first place)

Where. The Fuck. Is. The Sword. Now? And why does it bother me so much???????

Alas, just like so many other questions, these too seemed to remain unsolved. And since the fucking sword didn't make a comeback in S2, I guessed that it probably just wasn't more than ... well, a randomly flaming, randomly misplaced, randomly unexplained Flaming Sword.

Nothing more than a plot device.

Hmm, right. A ... plot device.

Hang on. (And that's when it finally hit me.)

It's a fucking plot device.

Most authors and consumers of media are familiar with the use of plot devices in story telling. However, I personally had only every seen characters be used as such, to merely bring an important point across or further underline or advance a story's or main character's development or plot.

It wasn't until I was about to simply give up because I couldn't see my way out of the seemingly unlimited sword-related questions anymore, that I realized: There are no answers to those questions. Just like there are no deeper meanings to any other plot devices. Their sole purpose it so shine some light onto another, more important thing, story or character.

And in this case, that character is Aziraphale. Or more so Aziraphale's choices and his relationship with and belief in God and Heaven. The Flaming Sword (or more so Aziraphale's giving-away of it) is the first way of showing us that Aziraphale:

doesn't always aka pretty much never obey God's will (even all the way back in The Beginning),

will lie to God about disobeying Her

and possibly, just like Crowley joked about, was the one who by trying to do a Good Thing, accidentally gave away something that would later somehow become a literal War weapon, lmao

It also tells us that:

God apparently doesn't always care or cast them out of Heaven when an angel actively disobeys and lies to Her. Or, for all we know, Aziraphale giving the sword away and not admitting to it was somehow part of Her Ineffable Plan anyway.

Heaven is apparently absolutely useless at keeping track of its very few ethereal belongings. That's what you get for outsourcing work, you capitalists.

Right at The End, the sword returns to its owner who had it right in The Beginning too: Aziraphale. And not just that: It actually ends up saving the humans. For the second time. First all the way back in Eden, when it was just Adam and Eve. And now, 6000 years later, at what would have been the end of the World. Very poetic, *wipes away tear*

So yeah, there you go. That's the big revelation I have come to. Would I have preferred to uncover yet another sneaky Gaimanian easter egg just so I could wave it in your face like some sort of a puzzle solved at a scavenger hunt?

Sure.

But hey, sometimes flaming sword plot devices are just that. And I'll make my peace (or War?) with it.

[archie-sunshine]

Survey Says-!(Rodimus/EVERYONE)

Chapter 2: Feel The Beat(Rodimus/Blaster)

Rodimus is NOT bitter about the results of the crew satisfaction survey, in fact, he’s fully prepared to change! He’s determined to change his crew’s minds, and what better way to do so than to get to know them- in the carnal sense that is. 

There are no problems with this plan in Rodimus’s mind. There are many in Ultra Magnus’s. Magnus engages in some unfortunate(for Rodimus) damage control as head of Cybertronian Resources. Rodimus is not easily deterred. 

Chapter 1 Here! Read on AO3 here!

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FIC TAGS: Rodimus/Everyone(But y’know, not like. EVERYONE. Just a lot of various background characters and also more specifically with some others), Takes place post dark cybertron, but pre the whole ship disappearing thing and the mutiny, smut, Chastity, denial, Rodimus is a slut, Ongoing humiliation, HR Violations as comedy, Ultra Magnus is clueless, sticky sexual interfacing, comedy, sexual comedy, dubious consent (if you squint and tilt your head), contains illustrations

____________________________

Authors notes: I didnt know blaster very well before writing this, i watched some of the old g1 cartoon funnily enough, and it turns out blaster is a cutie pie and i love him actually?? beautiful boombox boy

CHAPTER TAGS: Rodimus/Blaster(implied rodimus/huffer, crosscut, kindle, siren, and rad), oral, blowjobs, sexual frustration, blaster's servos can vibrate, the most painful nut ever, rodimus continues to make bad decisions

Ultra Magnus’s little magnetizer trick had been dirty, underhanded, cruel, unusual, and downright sadistic(from a certain point of view). But it was also stupid, considering that as long as Rodimus still had one hole, by primus he was gonna use it. 

The only thing this horrible device had managed to do was shorten his one on ones. He was still going to give his beloved crew the helm of a lifetime, but without having to worry about chasing his own edge, it meant Rodimus was more inclined to get things done quicker. He had managed to check Siren, Huffer, Crosscut, Kindle, and Rad off his list in the two cycles following the incident, however there were some… adverse effects that these meetings were having on him. 

It was hard not to get at least a little bit excited when giving helm, and that became an issue in and of itself, as Rodimus’s array had started complaining more and more as he continued to deny its release. 

Rodimus stalked down the ship's hallway, faceplate set in a frustrated scowl as he made his way back towards his office. He felt like he was walking with a limp, which would have been fun and sexy if he was limping because he’d been spiked silly, but instead was infuriating… because he was limping from having to walk with a stupid fragging magnetizer attached to his overheated panels. 

The captain absently swiped at his intake, making sure there were no traces of transfluid still there from his ‘meeting’ with Rad. He was a bit shy, considering the captain’s ongoing predicament, but still managed to get a good overload in from the deal. It was getting harder for Rodimus to focus when he was giving out his one on ones, it felt like every encounter added new, angrier popups in his processor screeching for him to overload. His helm was swimming by the time he’d felt Rad finish, and it had taken the bot grabbing him by his finials and dragging him off to bring him back to reality. 

So there he was, pouting his way to his office, manually dismissing every one of the popups in his processor to clear his mind so he could think again. He entered the access code, cursing as he flubbed the code the first time and stormed in, letting the door close behind him. He flopped into his chair with an exhausted groan. He eyed the stack of datapads on his desk that he had been instructed to fill out and sign. They were supply manifests… he thought. He wasn’t entirely paying attention to what Ultra Magnus was saying that morning as he’d been considering the unpleasant flavour the aftertaste of transfluid in his mouth made when mixed with his morning energon. Gross. Rodimus chuckled to himself at the thought. Primus, that was fragging disgusting, he was fragging disgusting. He smirked to himself. 

He reached across the desk and tapped at the first datapad, propping his legs up as he began the daily slog through datawork. He let his optics go into skimming mode as he scrolled halfheartedly through the document. He had gathered it was some list of acquisition requests that the crew members had personally made, so he began signing off his approval.

A new shipment of high quality engex for swerve’s… approved

A bulk order of plating patches for the medibay… approved

A set of high quality wrenches for Brainstorm’s laboratory… approved

Rodimus shifted around a bit in his chair. 

A blank datapad shipment… approved

Replacement parts for the staff room vending machine that Megatron had accidentally broken… approved

It was impossible to get comfortable, he felt overheated without even being particularly aroused.

A palette of hover scooters… denied

Rodimus froze. He set the datapad down and glanced between his thighs. His faceplate flared hot with embarrassment. He was fragging leaking. 

It was a miracle that he hadn’t started doing so before he made it to his office, but all the same, around the edges of his panels he could see prefluid seeping out, making the tiniest little puddle on his chair. Rodimus let out a long, frustrated groan, letting his helm thunk against the back of his chair. This was humiliating. He reached for one of his drawers and plucked out a rag, quickly swiping at his panels and the seat before stuffing it under himself and getting back to work. 

Ping! Another popup at the front of his mind ‘Open Interface Array?’ 

He closed the popup. It wasn’t his fault he was in this mess! He was just trying to show a little gratitude for his crew! Some.. sloppy, sticky gratitude, but gratitude nonetheless. Interface was different now, it was purely a means to making his apologetic feelings known, letting people know he really could change. He’d do anything his crew wanted for their approval. 

He swallowed thickly. Anything they wanted… He recalled the servos gripping at his helm, the weight of a spike in his intake or the smooth mesh of a valve under his glossa. Oral was easy, Rodimus had plenty of time to practice in the washracks and supply closets of various barracks during the war. But this fuzzy, syrupy slowness that accompanied the denial of his own overload was something… new. 

He felt his fans starting to kick on. He willed them up higher, trying to blow off as much of the excess heat as he could. He refocused on the requests on his datapad. 

A new set of parts for one of the busted replicators… approved

A bulk order of glassware for the canteen… approved

… the rag was getting soaked. 

Rodimus slammed down his datapad and stood up. He quickly scanned through his itinerary for the day, confirming he had an hour and a half free before his meeting with the comms officer, before wiping up any visible prefluid around his panels and beginning to speedwalk towards the medibay. 

*

“What do you MEAN you can’t do it!!?” Rodimus shouted. He sat up a bit from the slab, only to get a firm servo on his chassis pushing him back down. “You’re Ratchet!”

“I didn’t say can’t, I said won’t, Rodimus.” Ratchet sighed out in exasperation. 

“B-but it huuuuurts, I’m dying here, I can feel my spark about to go out!!” Rodimus whined, rolling his helm back. 

“I know thats a lie, Rodimus, any discomfort you’re feeling is perfectly normal with a device like this, and I’ve received direct orders not to take it off without dire circumstances or reasons to do so.” Ratchet sounded like he was reciting something, it was likely that he was, considering who was the mastermind behind this whole wicked scheme. 

“Direct orders that I as captain-” Rodimus began.

“Co-Captain.” 

“WHATEVER! I outrank Ultra Magnus, I should be able to make those orders completely moot, right!?” Rodimus stared pleadingly at Ratchet, searching for some ounce of sympathy in his field.

Ratchet bit back a smug grin. “Not in cases surrounding Cybertronian Resourses violations. I’m afraid you’re stuck with that until Magnus decides otherwise.” 

Rodimus let out a pitiful moan, going limp against the slab. “I’m gonna die…” He whimpered.

“You know, as your doctor I would suggest that you find other outlets for mitigating this sexual frustration. Try to focus on your work, get a hobby, something to take your mind off interfacing until you get the clamp off you.” Ratchet began, carefully reaching down to swipe away the excess prefluid that had gathered around Rodimus’s panels during their appointment. Rodimus bit back a desperate moan. “But as someone who knows you, I understand that’s not exactly something you’re going to be able to stop yourself from doing. So I’ll prescribe you some coolant accelerators and hope for the best.” The medic offered an insincere, borderline malicious smile and helped Rodimus off of the slab. 

Rodimus glared daggers at Ratchet, clenching his servos. He let his processor wander, wondering if he could convince First Aid to help him out. 

“And I wouldn’t get any ideas about begging for help from the crew.” Ratchet had turned away, now gazing at a datapad and beginning to flick through it. “Ultra Magnus sent out a memo to the crew’s comms to let them know any interference with your ‘reeducation’ would be considered grounds for a week in the brig.”

Rodimus growled again. “... thanks doc, always a pleasure…” 

*

“So, just to be clear, theres nothing at all?” Rodimus asked, leaning helm on his servo. 

“Well, I wouldn’t say nothin’ at all, but radio signals have gotten sparse now that we’re back on our way, no urgent notices from Cybertron, some minor radio chatter from ships we’ve passed, but nothing terribly concerning.” Blaster explained, turning his datapad to indicate the waves coming in. 

Rodimus nodded inquisitively, shifting again in his seat. “Cool, thats good news, thanks Blaster.” Rodimus said. 

“... Yeah…” Blaster said slowly, looking the captain up and down for a moment. Rodimus squeezed his crossed legs a bit. “Listen, cap, I gotta say, uh… I heard about the whole… Ultra Magnus… CR violations… thing.” He said awkwardly, glancing away. 

“...Yeah. It’s not a big deal, I gotta learn to be professional.” Rodimus gritted out, failing to hide his adverse feelings on the whole matter. He was fighting to keep his field to himself, but it was clear that Blaster was seeing through it. 

“I did also hear about your… one on ones.” Blaster lowered his voice, putting the datapad away in his subspace. 

Rodimus perked up. “Yeah?”

“Well- Yeah, obviously, Roddy, you sent a comm to the whole crew about it.” Blaster chuckled. 

“The whole crew- except for Megatron and Ultra Magnus.” Rodimus corrected. 

“Yeah, listen man… I dunno if I agree with the whole thing Mags cooked up, I dunno if its the best like… plan? On your part, to go around slingin your array at whoever’ll take it…” Blaster glanced around bashfully. 

Rodimus frowned. “Where are you going with this?” 

“I mean you gotta know that actions speak louder than words, you gotta show the crew that you’re on their side, that you do stuff for their benefit, all that stuff- but!” Blaster kicked one of his pedes a bit. “Y’know, I wouldn’t say no to ah… what was it you called it? An ‘apology’?” 

Rodimus perked up again, slowly standing up from his chair. “Oh yeah?” Rodimus remembered the rag he’d stuffed on the seat and quickly snatched it up, covertly tossing it into one of his drawers while Blaster wasn’t looking. “Sure, I’d be happy to- Wait- You gotta promise me this isn’t a test or anything, like- Mags didn’t put you up to this did he?” 

Blaster shook his helm, expression melting into an easy-if slightly relieved- smile. “Nah- I figured you’d still be at this whole thing… heard some intel from some other bots… wanted to see if you’re all you’re cracked up to be.” 

Rodimus quickly denied his fans request to turn on, clearing his vocalizer. “Well, I guess I got time between my meetings… Have a seat.” He said, gesturing to his desk chair. 

Rodimus eagerly rushed to the office door, punching in the locking code as Blaster sat down. A lance of embarrassment struck through him as Blaster made a surprised noise. 

“Primus, Rod, you uh- heh- you a little worked up there?” His Comms officer chuckled. “Your seat’s a bit sticky-”

“ITS NOTHING!” Rodimus bleated out, face flaring as he trotted over and knelt down between Blaster’s thighs. “Just- just coolant, nothing else.” 

“Yeah, sure.” Blaster smirked, rubbing a servo over his own panels. “You’re sure you’re up to this, pal?” 

“‘Course I am, c’mon, we both got places to be.” Rodimus hissed impatiently. 

Blaster shrugged, exhaling a little chuckle before letting his panels open. Rodimus let out a relieved sigh at the sight of it, running a digit gently around the edge of his slowly pressurizing spike. It was that sleek, warm grey colour along the underside, red on the top all the way up to a yellow tip, with little triangular yellow biolights along the underside. Rodimus licked his dermas, letting his optics dim a bit. He almost went for it, before remembering what all these apologies were about. 

“So, Blaster, how do you want me?” Rodimus asked pleasantly, fighting to keep his voice from sounding too desperate. His optics flickered a bit when Blaster’s servo came around to rest gently on the side of his helm. 

“I’d love to get my spike in that mouth and see you work your magic, Cap…” Blaster breathed, letting his digits trace the edge of Rodimus’s lower finials. Rodimus’s fans kicked on without thinking. 

“A-” Rodimus cleared his vocalizer. “Alright, heard and listened to!” Rodimus said, allowing himself a pang of pride at his line usage when Blaster’s vents stuttered. He opened his intake, lolling his glossa out to lave over the tip of Blaster’s spike. Offlining his optics, he wrapped his dermas around the shaft, slowly bobbing his helm downwards towards the base. He laved his glossa slowly over the ridges and edges of Blaster’s biolights, allowing himself a moment to feel at the smooth texture of them. Rodimus hummed quietly as he worked, taking the spike two thirds down before leaning his helm back and drawing it slowly up to the tip.

Blaster let out a low, pleased moan, his thumb rubbing fondly at the side of Rodimus’s helm. “Ahhh, thats it… hah, you must be pretty glad you got sparked with an intake like this, huh?” 

Rodimus hummed lightly in confirmation, peeking up at Blaster coquettishly as he rubbed the tip of his glossa over the comms officer’s spikehead. A shudder wracked through Rodimus’s frame as the other mech moaned, low and deep in his chassis. He felt a lick of Blaster’s charge ground through him and tightened his grip on Blaster’s thighs. He started pumping his helm up and down, darting his glossa out against the underside of his spike and swallowing the growing flow of prefluid where it pooled at the back of his intake. Rodimus brought one of his servos up, wrapping around the base gently as he massaged the soft protoform there. 

Suddenly, Blaster’s grip on his helm shifted, now grasping the back of his helm and dragging him down further. Rodimus felt his optics glitch and reset, his gaze flicking up to the larger bot’s face. There was hunger in Blaster’s optics, deep and carnal, held back by a thin, fraying thread of propriety. 

Rodimus’s processor produced several popups at once, warning him of an obtrusion squeezing down his throat, demanding he open his panels, informing him his fans were working hard to stave off overheat. Rodimus gagged, feeling his optics glitch again, bits of charge fritzing over the bridge of his nose between them. He fought back as much control as he could, beginning to close out the popups. He was swiftly interrupted when Blaster’s spikehead slid readily back into his throat and his nose brushed against his panels. Rodimus let out a muffled whine. 

“Ah.. attabot, frag…” Blaster licked his dermas, a curl of steam escaping his lustful smile. “You take it so well, cap…” 

Rodimus’s processor screamed, overfilling with warnings and demands. That ounce of praise rocked him to his core, drawing a pitiful, staticky whimper from his vocalizer. He dragged his glossa frantically against whatever part of his spike he could reach. A bubble of intake lubricant dribbled down his jaw. He could feel his frame shivering with charge. What was happening to him? Giving helm had never had him this worked up before. 

Rodimus swallowed and began to move his helm again, relishing the slippery, undignified noises that filled the room. He sucked hard, hollowing his cheeks against Blaster’s shaft and earning another punched out groan. He could feel him start to twitch in his intake and moaned in anticipation. Blaster’s other servo reached down, curling around one of his finials as his hips began to stutter. 

“Ah- Primus- frag-! Roddy-” He gasped, his fans roaring. Rodimus strained to pull his helm back, focusing all his attention on Blaster’s tip. With a glitchy, choked out groan, Rodimus felt transfluid hitting the roof of his intake. He greedily swallowed down what he could, gasping in surprise as it escaped his dermas. Rodimus felt as though he was about to overheat watching Blaster stroke his spike, splatters of his transfluid hitting his helm and faceplate. 

Rodimus panted, fighting to close out the dozens of popups clouding his processor. He laid his messy helm against Blaster’s thigh, trying to get his vents under control. He could already feel his panels were overheated and embarrassingly sticky with excess prefluid. He absently pawed at the plating there, drawing his servo back with a pained hiss. 

“... Whoooooh….” Blaster breathed, clearing his vocalizer and sitting up a bit. “That was quite the show, captain, thanks..” He chuckled. “Oh- uh… sorry for- er..” He gestured generally at his face. 

“‘S fine… h..how would you rate uh… your…” Rodimus mumbled blearily. He noted Blaster was rummaging around his desk, but couldn’t bring himself to care. He offlined his optics and relished the feeling of a cool rag swiping the transfluid off his face and finials. 

“It was great, Roddy, thanks for helpin me blow off some steam.” Blaster murmured. Rodimus could feel the warmth in his voice and swelled with unfocused pride. He drank in the relaxation and fondness in Blaster’s field, wrapping around him like a warm blanket.

“Happy to help…” Rodimus wheezed hoarsely. He shakily got up off the ground, wincing as a thick drizzle of prefluid dripped from his panels. When he onlined his optics again, he was greeted with Blaster’s pitying look, optics focused between the captain’s legs. “D-don’t worry about me!” Rodimus said, attempting a confident and chipper tone, but unable to force the strain completely from his voice. “This was all for you, Blaster, see, I’m all about listening to my crew and rewarding their efforts.” 

Blaster chuckled. “Yeah, thanks cap.” He slowly rose from Rodimus’s seat, closing his panels up. “Just hate to leave a bot hanging, is all.” 

Please don’t leave me like this. Rodimus thought. Please don’t let me die of overheating.

“Nah- Not much either of us can do about it anyhow.” Rodimus waved a dismissive servo. 

“On the contrary, actually… at least- I think?” Blaster offered. “I dunno about getting that thing off you, but I bet I could get you an overload at least?”

Rodimus’s intake felt dry. “... huh?”

Blaster smirked, sitting back down in the chair. He patted his lap. “C’mere.”

Rodimus shifted uncomfortably, climbing backwards into Blaster’s lap and leaning against the other bot’s chassis. He shivered at Blaster’s servos on him, one wrapping around his slender waist to hold him in place while the other delicately hovered over his panels. 

“Might be a bit intense, okay? Just hold on and let me know if you want me to stop.” Blaster warned, finally bringing his digits down to hold Rodimus’s overheated panels. 

“J-just do it, please-!” Rodimus gritted out through a whine. 

Rodimus’s optics fritzed and rebooted at the first sensations of vibration on his panels. He let out a loud, surprised moan, half cutting out with static as the oversensitive protoform below his panels seared with pleasure. The vibration was intense, just dancing on the line of painful and pleasurable, heady and bassy and rocking him to his very core. 

“Feel good, cap?” Blaster asked.

“Aa-auhuh!!” Rodimus answered intelligently, bucking his hips against Blaster’s hand. His vocalizer felt raw, his voice breaking and cracking as he moaned out. 

“Keep it down- someone’s gonna hear!” Blaster hissed, upping the vibration as he did and forcing another desperate cry from Rodimus’s vocalizer. Rodimus’s optics glitched and flared as Blaster clamped a servo over his intake, silencing him only partly as he writhed and bucked in his lap.

It was starting to hurt now, his processor more full and garbled than ever as his array pulsed and throbbed in need. His optics flickered. Drool bubbled between Blaster’s digits. He could feel every bit of his plating searing against Blaster’s. 

Rodimus let out a pitiful, needy sob as the other mech’s servo squeezed his panels down tighter against his array. He was practically humping Blaster’s servo at this point, chasing that painful, burning edge as he dumbly whined into his digits. 

(go to my AO3 for the illustrated version)

Blaster kicked the vibrations up one more notch and Rodimus saw white. He was dying, he was crashing, he was overloading- Rodimus’s frame arched back, strung taught as a bowstring as transfluid poured from the seams in his panels messily over the magnetizer and Blaster’s digits. He shuddered and bucked and twitched as Blaster drew his servo back, curling back over on himself and grabbing the edge of his desk. Blaster carefully released his faceplate, a string of drool sloppily escaping his dermas as he let out one final, broken moan. 

Rodimus curled his hips forwards, drawing the desk chair in against the desk so he could rest his helm against it. His array ached, now sloppy and coated with his own transfluid beneath his panels. He could feel himself leaking copiously onto his chair, embarrassment pooling in his tanks as he heard it dribble off the edge of the seat and onto the floor. 

“Th… thanks Blaster…” Rodimus mumbled brokenly. 

Blaster patted his aft gently, carefully lifting the captain up enough to slip out from under him. “No worries, captain.” Rodimus felt a half wet rag hit his panels and hissed in discomfort. He let out a stringy whine as Blaster cleaned him and the seat up, leaving the rag on the arm of his chair. 

Rodimus lifted his helm up, watching Blaster unlock the door. “Keep up the good work!” He called after him, earning a laugh as Blaster walked off down the hallway. 

Rodimus sat back, examining the state of himself. That was truly the most painful overload he had ever had.

…

He didn’t like how good that notion felt in his processor. 

He didn’t like how good the overload had felt either.

“... This had better not awaken anything in me.” Rodimus muttered, before shakily reaching for another datapad to work on.

[nimblermortal]

Nimblermortal's Covid Survival Tips 2023

because what's the point of having this if I can't make it easier for the next person?

First symptom for me was a mild sore throat. This started around noon; the next morning I woke up with no symptoms but feeling terrible, which I interpret as the medical "sense of impending doom" that is a real symptom.

Charmin toilet paper. This stuff is softer than Kleenex. Get you a whole roll and a shopping bag. Don't have a runny nose for a symptom? Don't care, it'll come.

Blankets you can kick on and off. I spent two days "cycling" - chills, fever, then lucidity. You need to be able to both vent and huddle.

If you are scientifically inclined: Keep a thermometer nearby. I regret not taking my temperature during the cycles, I'm really curious about whether I was running hotter or colder during the hot stages. That said, you will definitely not have enough energy to take your temperature during these stages.

Some sort of infinite podcast. It doesn't matter what it is. Honestly I recommend Critical Role even if you don't like D&D live plays. You do not care what is going on here, the point is white noise that you don't have to change. Make sure the device is plugged in. I could only nap while there was white noise happening - and when I say 'nap' I mean 'I don't know if I slept or not, just that I was face-down and some time passed'.

Advil. This will lower the fever. If you can, wait until the second day - the fever helps burn out the disease, but this only applies to the first 24 hours. But don't let the fever get too high. I ran a steady 101 F/38.3 C for two days, which is fine. You can take one every 4 hours up to 6 times a day. For me the best effects only lasted 2 hours and I was ready by the fourth (but also a stubborn pig who tried to hold out; there's no advantage to this after the first 24 hours).

Small dishes. People kept trying to feed me and I couldn't finish anything. Small dishes, plain foods, let yourself have the ability to win at meals. (Note: this may not apply to you, but I'm the sort of person who used to be sent to elementary school with a single small potato because the cafeteria was too noisy for me to eat but I needed to win at lunch.) If you're preparing just-in-case, you could put some in the freezer

Immune boosters. My aunt swears by Sambucol, which is elderberry and vitamin C and zinc. Zinc matters more if you are male. My take on the Sambucol advantage is elderberry taste good.

Non-caffeinated tea. Something that goes down the throat easy. I had a sore throat to start with, then after the cycling I've got a progressively increasing cough; warm beverage nice. (I also craved a masala tea in the middle of the cycling, so caffeine might be nice, but you probably want to let yourself sleep.)

Vicks vaporub. Apply directly to the forehead liberally once the coughing starts. The package says you can do this 3 times a day.

Don't worry about cough medicines unless you have one you trust implicitly. Mum says they're not very effective, so you want that sweet, sweet placebo effect.

Someone to watch over you. Partly to make sure you don't get it worse than I had. Mostly because when I'm weak and sick I get clingylonely and I need someone to assure me I am loved. I had the same problem with the vaccines - shivering under the blankets calling weakly for Hyacinth because I was alone and Sad. Honestly the covid has been less intense but longer.

Recovery time. Covid heals a lot slower than comparable sicknesses. Whatever you think your return-to-work day might be, add at least two days to it. (I thought I was getting away with something last Wednesday, tried to work Thursday, and survived for one hour.)

More recovery time. This thing heals very slowly. I haven't had symptoms in a week - aside from having to plan for being able to do single-digit numbers of tasks in a day. And 'digesting a meal' is a separate energy task from 'eating a meal' is a separate energy task from 'preparing a meal' is a separate... (No really, I had to plan energy expenditure for digestion.) At a week out, I am still having to make room for daily hour-long naps and activities interspersed with lying down - though at least now I can embroider with a TV show during these periods. Give yourself lots of time, even when it feels stupid.

[insert-witty-user-name-here]

We'll Fix It Together

“What the shit are you doing?” “Trust me.” Trust me. Mobius couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Loki was spiraling yet he continued pretending like everything was fine. Mobius knew better. Something was going on that Loki wasn’t telling him and Mobius was going to find out what. Or, a story in which Loki and Mobius work together to find a solution to save the multiverse and everyone in it.

Words: 4,726

Rating: T

Tags: Loki (TV) Season 2 Spoilers, Fix-It, Angst with a Happy Ending, Whump, Loki Needs a Hug (Marvel), Loki Gets a Hug (Marvel), Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Happy Ending, Temporary Character Death, Time Loop, Mobius figures out what's going on, power of friendship saves the day, everyone gets their happily ever after

Mobius M Mobius had learned long ago to expect the unexpected with Loki. He was a god of seemingly never-ending talents but there was one talent Mobius was sure Loki didn’t possess. Loki was not a theoretical physicist. At least he hadn’t been two minutes ago.

“But, Loki,” OB began as they entered the Temporal Loom’s observation deck “Even with Victor’s Throughput Multiplier, the rate of timeline expansion is too-”

“It’s not too expansive,” Loki interjected, answering OB’s question before the technician even had a chance to ask it. “Now that we’ve added the Lorentz device, we’ll be able to match the vacuum expectation values of the Loom, thus lowering the Timelines speed of expansion to near zero.”

“But that’s-”

“Impossible? It’s not. See, the device will allow the Timelines to fluctuate at their lowest energy state, retaining their vibrational motion which– in turn– allows us to stay ahead of the curve, expanding the Loom’s capacity before the expansion rate exceeds the output. It was a brilliant idea, OB, brilliant! Amazing work. It’s going to work this time, I know it.”

This time?

The god continued chattering away, speaking a thousand words a minute and Mobius narrowed his eyes. He’d seen Loki excitable but this was another level. Loki’s shoulders were tense, his breathing quick, and his eyes were bright with what could only be described as manic exhaustion.

Something was off.

“Now, Victor,” Loki exclaimed. “I need you to reroute all the energy from Operations to here, there’s a book of passcodes in the drawer to your right. And- Casey! Casey, what are you doing standing over there? You’re supposed to be next to OB. You know what, doesn’t matter, I need you to-”

Loki was moving too fast. He needed to breathe.

“Loki,” Mobius murmured. He stepped between Loki and Casey, putting a hand on the god’s chest, hoping to still him.

“Casey,” Loki continued, stepping around Mobius and politely shoving aside his hand, “we need to widen the voltage input and invert the temporal decay.”

“What about the ion decoupler?” OB asked.

“It’s fine. We’re gonna route it directly with the primary compartment.”

“Won’t it overheat?”

“No, it's not going to overheat ‘cause we’re going to allow it to interface with Timely’s adaptive exponential computing system. Those upgrades will allow the Loom to scale the capacity to manage the branches. The rings,” Loki made a circle with his hands, “the rings are too small, we’re gonna make them bigger. Let’s go!”

Mobius shook his head in disbelief. When had Loki learned all of this? His knowledge of mechanical engineering was on parr with OB’s now.

“Better watch out OB,” Mobius crooned, “looks like someone’s-”

“Someone’s coming for your job! That’s right. OB, watch your back!” Loki finished mockingly like this wasn’t the first time he’d heard Mobius make that joke. He let out a hysterical chuckle.

What. The. Fuck. Something was off. Something was wrong. And Mobius needed to figure out what.

“Casey,” Loki exclaimed, “get the multiplier down to Timely as fast as you can and-”

Mobius grabbed Loki by the lapel of his jacket and yanked the god around.

“What the shit are you doing?” Mobius seethed.

“Trust me,” Loki quipped.

Trust me. Mobius couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Loki was spiraling. There was something going on that he wasn’t telling him and needed to let Mobius in; he needed to explain what the hell was going on. Mobius kept his hands clutched firmly on Loki’s jacket.

“No.”

“I know what I’m doing.”

“No.”

“Watch.”

Loki turned back to the computer and entered in a code he definitely hadn’t known earlier that day. A chill crept through Mobius as the pieces started coming together.

“Casey,” Loki suddenly barked into the intercom. “Don’t forget to latch his helmet. Latch. His. Helmet. Okay…” Loki wiped at a bead of sweat on his brow with a trembling hand. “And now we reconfigure the locking mechanism– can’t forget to do that again. Alright. Measurements look good. Dock secure. Yes, here we go. It’s gonna work this time.”

This time. There was that phrase again.

Mobius’ heart plummeted to his shoes with a sickening realization. Suddenly, everything made sense: Loki’s timeslipping, his frantic mood, the eerie way he was able to anticipate everybody’s questions before they had a chance to ask them.

Casey came up from the loading dock. “Mr. Timely’s ready.”

“I know.”

I know.

This wasn’t the first time Loki had lived this moment.

Loki moved back to the keyboard.

“Access denied,” a computerized voice sounded overhead. “Password required.”

The only question was how many times had Loki lived this moment.

Mobius put a hand over Loki’s before the god could finish typing in the password. “Loki.”

“Mobius?” Loki flinched. “What are you-”

“Stop.”

Read the rest on AO3

[yd12k]

i just finished reading all of EGS yesterday, and i saw ur pfp on my dash! do you have any other webcomics youre a fan of?

A ton! too many to mention them all, really. I'll be restricting this to 'currently updating stuff', and comparing it specifically to EGS given your ask. That also means that I'll be ignoring some comics that are just completely different (such as any gag-a-day type stuff. XKCD may be a classic of the internet that you should read, but it's a weird recommendation after someone asks about EGS)

The other thing I don't really have recommendations for is if you liked the 'everyone transforms all the time' parts the most. There's a reason I stuck with reading EGS over The Wotch, and it's not just because the latter went on hiatus. I'm sure there's something to that taste somewhere, I'm just not reading it at the moment.

TL;DR: Questionable Content, Dumbing of Age, Paranatural, Gunnerkrigg Court, Girl Genius

For my first recommendation, I'm going with Questionable Content, which is less questionable than you'd assume from the title, and more questionable than you'd assume from this disclaimer. It started as a basic soap opera/endless pit of references to early 2000's indie rock (but there's a funny robot that makes punchlines), and is now a soap opera where the funny robots have feelings (but there's also still punchlines).

for comparison to EGS, I'm going with hammerchlorians as a stand in for the general trend both of them went through, folding early wacky concepts into a whole that can be surprisingly emotional. It's also still wacky fun.

Dumbing of Age is a reboot of the author's earlier webcomics. Instead of taking the above approach and slowly fold the weird aspects into a sense of normalcy for the setting, Willis decided to just do a reboot of the universe, with the same characters, back in college, but no aliens this time (except fictional).

The closest EGS equivalent is end of an era, the arc where Sarah and Elliot break up, but really it's just every bit where magic takes a backseat to relationships, introspection, and growth.

I'd be remiss not to mention the comic being both funny and having action pieces, though. Those are just a lot more realistic. Also, Walky is a trans girl (she just hasn't figured that out yet (and I'm not sure the author has either (I can tell though))).

Next up, Paranatural. I'm actually a bit behind on this one, but it's really really good. It switches from a more traditional comic style to a more illustrated novel type thing partway through, but it's really really good.

It had a lot less 'folding in concepts' to do than my other examples so far, but that's because the author went in with a plan. And that plan was to write the funniest trauma a middle schooler could get. The entirety of the hitball sequence is a sight to behold. If you click on nothing else, read Paranatural.

The closest thing EGS did was Sister 3, my favourite arc. Both do 'set up a magic thing/pay off the magic thing' combined with character growth at the highest quality.

Gunnerkrigg Court is an english boarding school mystery featuring magic and robots and psychopomps and psychic powers. It seems to be nearing completion, with most of the basic mysteries solved and the questions shifting to 'now what'.

There haven't been many real Mystery elements in EGS, at least none where our protaganists are actively trying to solve it. The current Uryoms arc will probably be the closest thing we can currently see by the end, but even that's giving us more answers than it's giving the characters. If you want something Magical, but with a different vibe, read Gunnerkrigg.

Finally, Girl Genius. Girl Genius is about a young mad scientist reckoning with the mad science performed by mad scientists of the past, together with her two boyfriends (who are also mad scientists)

The closest EGS arc is any where Tedd does Mad Science, but especially the last parts of Title Pending, aka party 2. 'some device had unintended consequences and now it's up to our mad scientists to throw science at it until the device does what they want' is a description of half the arcs in girl genius (the other arcs in girl genius have other characters cause the problems on purpose (it's still solved with either mad science or swords (sometimes the swords are mad science)))

This concludes my list. the other thing these comics have in common is being pretty long-running. There's absolutely newer comics out there worthy of reading, and I'm always looking for more recommendations myself.

[eriexplosion]

Okay I'm only one episode away from finishing this rewatch so I cannot put it off anymore. Plan 99.

Again cannot emphasize enough how if Tech is dead for real we took this side trip just to kill him because nothing else has been accomplished.

"At least we're not hanging under the car" OOF

I admit that I'm not super impressed with the idea of OHHHH THEY WENT UP AGAINST TARKIN HE"LL OUTSMART THEM because Tarkin didn't.... do.... anything. He ordered air support to go shoot them down super offhandedly and that's it.

Yeah sure he let them shoot their own men, 95% of Imperials would do that, Rampart would do that, I guarantee it.

Omega pointing out how she can't see ships that are practically right in front of them, underlining how we won't be able to see Tech fall for THAT LONG

The music for the fall is still very intense, very good, but like... this just doesn't feel permanent to me at all on a rewatch? It's not the climax, it's literally 5 minutes into the episode, and it literally accomplished n o t h i n g of value. They didn't fall off there instead they crash and fall literally 20-30 seconds later for what is presumably a shorter fall but we don't know because we don't see how far he falls.

He still looks like he intentionally flips over while falling to me, the roll of his shoulders looks intentional anyways.

There's something weirdly impersonal about this scenario if I'm honest, it doesn't feel fully tailored to Tech? In that any of them, had they fallen, hanging from a line, they would have made the same choice. And honestly, it bugs me that this doesn't close out anything for Tech, which is what makes it feel Not Permanent.

Look at Kanan for example, when he died he 1. actually accomplished something 2. was a fitting end to a very long term character arc, where from the beginning Kanan didn't feel like a worthy master, didn't feel like a real Jedi, didn't feel like he was enough, but he died in the most Jedi way possible to protect his family, the woman he loved, his apprentice. He protected them in a way that only he could have done. It had to be him.

In contrast, Tech falls because he was unlucky, and he shoots out the connector because it's what any clone would have done. Which comes back to how DBB talks about it - how any clone would want a heroic finish that lets their squad carry on the mission, and which just clicked together what bugs me about this as a goodbye to Tech. It's not one. It doesn't engage with who Tech is as a person, it doesn't engage with anything he's learned or any way that he's grown, it tells us nothing new about him. It's a trained in choice, a lifelong devaluing of himself as a person and not just a part of a squad. He's a clone, and it's what any clone would have done. As if that's the only thing he is? The only thing any of them are?

What could make it personal, and could make it feel like it really, really connects to Tech, is if he survives. Any clone would have made that choice to save his squad, but not just anyone would have survived it. It's the only thing that could make it Have To Be Him. Anyone else would have died.

Just, in my opinion this works really well as a between season cliffhanger, my godawful constant nausea aside, but if it's the last we see of Tech it's a scenario that literally does not engage with him as a person AT ALL and that is a big big issue.

They could have fudged the details and made this Tech if they wanted to show a body, I'm tempted to count down the missed opportunities to actually show him as dead for real (this but we get a clear enough shot to know it's Tech and we see one of the boys kneel down to get a pulse and have to run when they don't find one)

the POV shot of Omega getting rescued is fucking fantastic though, I LOVE the POV shots.

It's the way that Tech's sacrifice isn't narratively about saving them, it's a plot device to get Omega hurt and them on Ord Mantell in order to be betrayed.

Omega's first instinct being "We have to go back, what if he's hurt? He needs us. We can't just leave him!" is a very reasonable reaction for a kid her age but it's also one that 100% is going to be what the younger audience connects to, and she never explicitly takes it back.

Like how I connect with this as an adult, seeing a child insisting that her big brother can't be gone, is very different from how I would have connected with this as a child Omega's age. I would think she was right. (And if the interview spoilers mean anything, there's STRONG REASONS TO THINK SHE IS)

"I always liked him." "Yeah... me too."

This exchange does break my heart, same as Echo in the Marauder looking at the seat. These moments are personal, but they're also just a few seconds each before the plot begins to kick into high gear again.

Cid looking guilty and sick about what she's about to do, to the point that Wrecker spots it and asks about it.

Wrecker taking multiple stun shots to go down though, AHHHH.

"I already lost Tech, I'm not gonna lose them too." This is the closest she gets to saying Tech's dead, but 'lost' gets used for Echo too, any time her family isn't with her she's lost them.

"who knew clones are so paternal" everyone with EYES Hemlock

"I'm afraid this is all I could salvage. Consider it a gift." That explicit lack of a body, where all we know is that he salvaged the goggles from the wreck. Could be that his body was mostly destroyed (and all his armor, conveniently?) or that there wasn't one there, and because Hemlock is a manipulative fuck I'm leaning towards the second.

I'm counting this as opportunity two to be more definitive about Tech's death in two different ways: 1. Have Hemlock explicitly say that he found and has the body, but they can have his goggles as a gift (Hemlock has no need of them) 2. Use Tech's equally distinctive helmet, damaged in a way so as to be obviously fatal, plus tap into the history of using clone helmets as death signals.

Again, Tech's death is used as a plot device. It happens to get Omega injured, and it's used to manipulate Hunter. It's still not about Tech, narratively. Which you could use for some deaths, but for a self sacrifice that's supposed to mean something?

Why'd they have to use Scorch to stun Omega like that, my poor boy the Empire's done a number on you :C

Echo hijacking a walker is FANTASTIC though.

"Echo?" "Gotta be Echo."

Them taking Omega is the climax of the episode, the big bad thing, the thing that makes the music kick in even harder than Tech's fall, are you telling me that his death is fully secondary to a kidnapping, I am biting at your fucking walls I am snapping at the air like a dog

Opportunity number three to be more definitive: show anything of Tech's in Hemlock's lab. A body under a sheet with one hand out, one of Tech's distinctive gloves showing. His helmet sat on the desk, badly damaged. Make sure Omega sees and reacts to it.

Note these are the opportunities that could have been taken with extremely little change there are multiple ways to make slightly more significant changes that avoid the ambiguity.

Emerie why does the sister thing matter so much more than your multiple brothers lying all around you

Extremely funny to me that Star Wars social media did absolutely nothing with this or with Omega being captured for several months it was literally all Tech all the time.

Anyway if Tech is dead for real I will be extremely mad about how he was reduced to a plot device to make the gears turn on harming and capturing his own family tbh (plus the insane and blatant stringing along) but if they show him to me any time in season 3 all will be forgiven.

[siennaditbot]

Just finished watching all of Kim Possible for the first time ever (and in English) and man, it's such a great show.

I did watch it as a kid whenever it aired in Finnish. (I miss those fun school mornings...) The dub was ok as well, though I won't go back to that again. Did check for some clips and I'm glad I was able to watch it back then, but CCR and Will Friedle are so good. The others are too, ofc.

Anyway, back then it was all tainted by my own feelings, cuz I too had a guy childhood best friend I had feelings for. I saw him and myself in them and wanted the same yadda yadda yadda. Well, stuff happened and we haven't talked in at least a year. No big, pfft.

At least this time I got to enjoy this show without them stupid feelings affecting my experience lol. (Except with the So the Drama "a loop has been formed and I'm not in it" and all the Ron feelings about Kim finding someone else. Ugh, been there.)

Anyway, binge watching gave me a completely new experience. Not much shipping related stuff in the first 2 seasons, though there were some I giggled over and replayed to analyze. Mostly just best friends being best friends. No significant awkwardness.

Seasons 3 and 4 though? GAHH. So much ship teasing. Emotion Sickness is my absolute fav episode with Kim getting a device that controls emotions and makes her fall in love with Ron, and the guy's so confused but also so so lovestruck. (He didn't know abt the device at first btw)

I love all those soff little Ron moments, I keep replaying them over and over.

"It (them dating) could happen!"

"It's not that I haven't thought about it, I mean who hasn't?"

"What's not to like about Kim? She's smart and cute..."

"Something's different now. I mean there's something between us... Who am I kidding, that's not different. There's been something there for a long time. I think there's something there. Does she?"

Gahhh I love soff Ron so much.

Also yes I am the type to rewatch all the soft and kissy scenes over and over, there are others too since compilation videos exist!!

Anyway, just realized how most of their kisses are initiated by Kim, but my favourites? (Lol that feels cringe to say. Fav kisses? Pfft) Either both going in or initiated by Ron! (The Emotion Sickness one is great too, Ron's so love struck!!! Adorable.)

-> So the Drama dance scene (THEY'RE SO SOFF GO LOOK AT THEIR FACES), one where they run into each other's arms, and the final one where Ron places his hands on her face and goes in first.

I never knew how much I wanted to do a forehead touch->kiss or have someone hold my face like that.

Also S1 EP1 Ron voice superiority. So low and cute. That makes me swoon. Gahhhh. Rewatched the first few minutes and DANG I WISH HE KEPT THAT VOICE. I'm barely able to form a sentence rn. Gahh.

Also adore all the denial scenes, Kim's too. Girl's so jealous of Yori. "Awk-weird" to bring your best friend as a kinda date to an event? Oh yeah, feed me. I love the awkward pre-dating stage so much that I'm mad my Sonic fic doesn't have more of it lol.

All the tiny nods to stuff changing during season 3? Ron going "She's not my girlfriend!!" to Shego of all people, all of a sudden and without probing, just cuz she asked where Kim was! I love him.

Also, the theme song is banger. Also also, I set the communicator beep-beep-be-beep as my notif sound. Kinda confusing while watching, though, heh.

Was that all? I think so, maybe. I'm pretty sure no one will read this but hey, what is Tumblr for if not stuff like this. Yay for fictional men and couples!

As a final note, I don't think Ron's an absolute swoon worthy guy (barely feel compelled to draw him), I just appreciate guys being soft. Yes, go talk about your feelings and yes, stutter your way to victory!

Anyway, now I'm done.

I'mma throw some gifs under the cut though.

JUST LOOK AT THEM AND THEIR SOFF FACES AND EYES AAAAAAAAAAA

[addicted-to-dc]

I Sound Like an Asshole - (Jason Todd/Red Hood X Reader) Part 4/Final

I am back! (Sort of) once again. My life is shit, but writing makes it better. I hope to stick with this this time and actually finish up all of the series I’ve never finished. I miss writing for you guys. - Iz

Part 1, Part 2 , Part 3

Warnings: angst?? That’s it??

Reluctantly, Jason sits down near the Bat Computer, his mind swirling as he thinks about his universe. Does he have a version of you in his universe? He saw how the other Jay looked at you, held you. Maybe he could have something like that when he’s able to get back to his own universe.

He looks over as Bruce rolled to his side. Despite being from another universe, he could still read him like an open book.

“He really loves (Y/N), doesn’t he?” Jason asks, shifting as his gear dug into his sides.

Bruce nods, placing a hand on his shoulder, “There’s a balance to everything. His order to her chaos. I’m sure that you’ll be able to find your own when you return.”

Jason smiles at that, chuckling, “You always know what to say, old man.” Bruce rolls his eyes and types a few commands into the computer, pulling up the profile of the villain Jason was fighting before he was zapped into this universe. Surprisingly, he looks exactly the same. The tacky outfit, shit eating grin on his face, and that stupid weapon that turned out to be used for interdimensional travel. Good for him.

The keyboard clacks until a profile is pulled up for him. Jason watches as schematics pop up for his weapon. Huh, convenient.

“We can fabricate something, a one use device that’ll take you back home,” Bruce explains, sending the schematics to the nearby lab. “Rest, you’ll need it.”

“Great,” Jason mutters, listening as Bruce heads towards the elevator.

“Good luck, Jason,” Bruce calls out before the elevator door closes, lifting him to the manor.

Left alone in the Cave, Jason looks around and sinks into the chair. His mind wanders, of course, to you. Maybe looking at your file wouldn’t hurt…

Scooting the chair closer to the computer, he’s lucky enough to easily find the file on you. His eyes wander, the name (Y/N) (Y/L/N) burning into his memory as he reads about your life. Apparently, you lived in Gotham for a few years before moving out of state. That’s when you started showing your metahuman abilities, abilities so close to Hawk Woman they believed you to be a reincarnated version of her daughter.

Nothing was ever confirmed, especially when you had lost your mind by the time the testing was scheduled. He bites his lip, hovering the cursor over the photo file.

“To hell with it,” he grunts, clicking on it.

The file opens, revealing younger photos of you. You had just sprouted your wings then, your eyes shining so bright he thought they were glowing. He scrolls down, watching as your face ages, the innocent smiles morphing to one he knows well. He stops at a picture of you with Hawk Woman, your eyes piercing his as a smile barely glances your features.

By the time that he reaches the end of the photos, a notification goes off. Was it time to go already? He pushes himself out of the chair, heading to the lab. He takes the weapon and examines it. At least it’s as simple as pulling a trigger.

Giving this universe one last look, he pulls the trigger. Bright light envelops him, and then he’s falling.

“Fucking not again!” he screams, reaching for his grappling hook.

He’s lost his bearings and doesn’t know where exactly he is. Shooting the grapple, his body twists to see the ground quickly approaching. Jason feels the grappling hook catch and he swings to the nearest building. Tucking into himself, he was able to roll into a standing position. Breathing heavily, he looks around and notices the familiar buildings of Gotham.

Jason nearly jumps out of his skin as his grappling hook lands right behind him, a chuckle following as a figure lands next to him. He turns to see… you?

You looked nothing like the pictures from the other universe. Your wings are covered in stunning armor that extends down to a full body piece. Everything was sleek, but worn enough to show the many battles you’ve lived through.

“A pleasure to finally meet you, Hood, Batman never shuts up about you,” you say with a smile, your glittering eyes flicking up to the sky.

He nearly kicks himself for waiting too long to reply. Jason runs his fingers though his hair, trying to regain his composure.

“Nice to meet you, too, I’ve heard a lot about you.” Jason replies, extending a hand.

You take it, giving him a firm shake. His eyes wander, finally understanding that this version of you had the best life compared to your counterpart. Your smile nearly makes him melt as you laugh, a hand resting on your hip.

“Really?”

He chuckles, “Yeah.”

He looks around, suddenly remembering what he was doing before he was shot into another universe.

Jason turns to you, “What ever happened to that guy I was fighting?”

“Took him down probably a few minutes after he shot you to oblivion,’ you reply, flinging your hand off in a random direction. “Authorities took him and I’ve been scouting around since. I figured you’d pop back here sometime.”

As if on cue, his stomach rumbles loudly. You both laugh, your armor creaking as your hand goes to cover your mouth. Fuck, he’s already hooked.

“I guess hopping universes makes you hungry,” you say, gesturing to a nearby restaurant. “Wanna get something to eat? We’d have to get outdoor seating, though, not very comfortable with these.” Your wings flutter a bit, making the sun reflect oh so deliciously off of it.

Jason smiles, “Fine by me.”

Grabbing him, you glide down to the restaurant and talk each others’ ears off until it closed. By the time you’re both stuffed and slightly tipsy, and a quick friendship already blossomed into something more.

[bazzybelle]

You Got Me Tripping on Sunshine - 3K - Teen - Calliope/Johanna Constantine

For Sandman FemSlash Weekend - Day 2: Meet-Cute

Yay! Another Fic done for the @sandmanfemslashfans !

The couple I've chosen to write for this time are Calliope and Johanna! Another popular Sandman couple!

This is completely unbetaed and was done in a bit of a rush... So forgive any errors on my part. I did the best I could to make it as neat and legible as possible.

The title of the fic was inspired by the song "Running on Sunshine" by Jesus Jackson.

You can read the story by clicking the link, or by clicking the Keep Reading bar below.

Click here for the Story on AO3

Johanna Constantine is not a wedding person. She never was. Not when she was a young girl, and her grandmother insisted she dress up in pretty pink clothes because so-and-so’s aunt or other was getting hitched and the Constantine family was always expected to be there. 

No matter that the family had fallen on hard times ever since great-great-great grandfather Stephan made several unwise investments during the early 1800s. Johanna, even then, was wise enough to understand that weddings were only useful as a way for snobby fucks to prance about, gossiping and criticizing. 

“Auntie Jo?”

Johanna glances to her right, and sees the main reason she’s even here. Well, and the fact that one of the grooms is her best friend (despite her repeated attempts to dissuade the man from associating with her), and the father of the child currently tugging on her deep navy pantsuit (the only way she’d even agreed to being Hob’s Mate of Honour was if she could wear a pantsuit). She had to yell at Hob to allow her to make sure Robyn was taken care of so that he could enjoy the day with his husband. Hob had wanted to keep Robyn with him all day, which would not have been fun for either of them. 

Plus she loves spending time with her unofficial godchild. They’re one of the few children Johanna can stand being around for more than 5 minutes. 

Little Robyn is beaming up at her, also dressed in dark navy, they’ve chosen to wear a long, elegant dress. Their long, brown hair is done in curls with several blue and white flowers pinned around the crown of their head. Ever since they’ve started wearing dresses and keeping their hair long, it’s like Robyn’s a new child. They’re smiling more and laughing and so incredibly affectionate. 

“Yes, my darling?” she responds, bending down to her favourite nibling.

“Are Daddy and Papa finished yet? I’m hungry.”

Unsurprising. She and the rest of the wedding party (by that, just Morpheus’ sister, Teleute) were done with their photographs hours ago. She had stuck around and waited while Robyn and Morpheus’ son took some pictures with the love-struck couple. It was all very sweet and wholesome, and if Johanna was the same person she was five years ago, she would have gagged at the display. 

But she isn’t, and she blames Hob and Robyn for that. She’d initially met Hob through her good friend, Eleanor. She’d fallen in love with this ridiculous, dork of a man, but he was kind and had a good heart. It didn’t take long for Jo to accept Hob into her very miniscule circle of friends. Her circle only grew with the addition of Robyn, and the promise of a new baby when Eleanor got pregnant a second time. 

Or, at least it should have grown. But pregnancy is rough and complications happen and—

Hob was a mess when he lost Eleanor. Robyn was a screaming toddler, crying for his mummy, and Hob didn’t know what to do. So Jo pitched in, and made sure they had an extra set of hands. Hob will always tell her that she’d saved them, but the truth is, they saved her. If she’d been left to her own devices after El died, she would have ended up dead drunk in some alley. 

Eventually Hob and Robyn learned to find peace in each other, and it wasn’t too long afterwards that Hob found love again. Jo was the first person he told when he first met Morpheus, and then when he asked him out, and once more when he was thinking about proposing. 

And so, her circle of influence threatened to expand even more with the inclusion of Morpheus and his own child. 

Which leads to today, and a hungry six year old. Lord knows with Hob and Morpheus, they might have snuck away from their photographers for some privacy. God, she hopes not. Like Robyn, she’s also getting rather hungry, and the hor d’oeuvres aren’t very filling. She has half a mind to sneak into the New Inn’s kitchen and grab some food for herself. 

Now there was an idea. If anyone asks, she could say that she’s just making sure the groom’s child is being taken care of properly. And part of her duty is to make sure Robyn’s well fed. 

(And if that meant she’d have to sneak in a few bites of food herself, well who was she to say no to that?)

“We can’t have that, now can we? D’you think your daddy will mind if we pop back into the kitchens to see if the caterers will give us a bite?”

“Daddy says I can’t go back there without an adult. He says it’s dangerous.”

“Oi, and what am I, chopped liver? I’m plenty adult, thank you very much.” Johanna takes their small hand in hers. Robyn giggles, leading Johanna through the small crowd of people already gathered at The New Inn, waiting for the happily married couple to arrive. 

“Where’s your partner in crime?” 

Robyn shrugs, “Orpheus is probably with his mamma.” 

Oh yes, Jo had heard a lot about the mysterious former Mrs. Athanasiou (although apparently since the divorce, she’d gone back to her maiden name). She’d never met the woman, but from what Hob had told her, she was one of those pretty, delicate little things that came from a long line of wealth and prestige. The type of person that Hob’s posh husband would have gotten saddled with. 

Was she being slightly unfair? Probably. Hob hadn’t explicitly used the words “pretty, delicate little thing” to describe her, but he did say she came from a posh family and was pretty well off. 

The rest came from Johanna’s own assumptions. 

And from doing a background check on the woman. Look, it was her job as Robyn’s auntie and unofficial godmother to make sure that the people in his life were not of the shady sort (and she loves Hob, but the man can be far too trusting of other humans). She did one on Morpheus when Hob first told her about him. Not that she really needed to. As soon as she heard the Athanasiou last name, she knew exactly who he was. That family was well known to her grandmamma, and she spoke of them often. The third born, Morpheus, was a famous composer and songwriter back in Greece. With money like that family had, he could afford to do whatever he wished. 

As for Calliope, she was another child of some powerful Greek family, who became a well known singer. One who preferred to perform Morpheus’ compositions. Apparently the two had been a power couple back in Greece, until the birth of their son. Johanna hadn’t bothered to read about the messy divorce. It frankly wasn’t any of her business. 

She did meet Morpheus’ son, Orpheus (interesting name for a child, if you asked her). He’s a very sweet child, even if he’s got the air of someone raised by an extremely well-to-do family. Not that he was spoiled, but as young as he was, Johanna got the sense that he knew that he was meant for some wild destiny. She understood how that felt, being a Constantine. 

A few of the caterers know Robyn as soon as they step inside the kitchen and are all too excited to give them some food. Robyn, like the Gadling they are, makes sure that Johanna gets some food as well. It isn’t much, a few pieces of chicken souvlaki, and some pita bread. Just enough to tide the two of them over until the grooms arrive. 

Robyn’s hair is starting to become a little undone from the excitement so far. The flowers are becoming loose, and the thin braided crown around their head is starting to look messy. She imagines a bunch of Hob’s other friends and co-workers have all been giving Robyn hugs and cooing over how lovely they look. Johanna did the best she could with Robyn’s hair that morning, but she isn’t really good at this sort of thing. Maybe they should sneak back upstairs to the flat Hob shares with Dream to see if she can salvage anything. 

Then again, is it really worth it with a rambunctious six year old? 

“Robyn! There you are!”

It seems that the elusive Orpheus has found his way to the kitchen. Johanna smiles and waves to Robyn’s new step-brother. Robyn runs to Orpheus and the two children wrap their arms tight around each other. It’s nice, Johanna thinks, that Robyn gets to have a sibling they deeply love. A sibling, according to Hob, who has already begun to defend Robyn’s choices in how they wish to present themselves. 

Clearly this child is better than most of the adults living in London. 

“Orpheus? Pou eisai, agapi mou? ” a woman calls out in Greek. Johanna’s knowledge of the language is non-existant, but she imagines this must be Calliope, asking after her son. 

“ Edo einai, mamma ” calls out Orpheus. 

A woman enters the kitchen, and greets the catering staff with a smile on her face. Now, Johanna has seen photos of Calliope Vandi in her research, but photos will never do someone justice when faced with the actual person. 

Calliope is, to put it in polite terms, bloody fucking gorgeous. She’s tall, and carries herself like a queen in her realm. Her long, chestnut hair is done up in elaborate braids that would make Daenerys Targaryan jealous. Strategic curls spill down her back, nearly covering her backless rose gold gown. 

Johanna quickly dusts herself off —no doubt having had crumbs spill onto her own suit— and tries to tidy herself as best as she can. She has always been a fucking disaster when it came to a pretty girl with a sweet smile. 

And Calliope has just that. She finds her son and gives a warm, kind smile to both him and Robyn. 

“Hello, Robyn,” she says, a musical lilt to her voice. 

Robyn smiles, and offers a tiny hand to Calliope. “Hello, Ms. Calliope. Ti kaneis? ” 

Calliope gasps, her smile growing. “Robyn, have you been learning Greek?”

Robyn beams at her. “Orpheus has been teaching me!” 

“Mamma, I’ve been teaching Robyn the alphabet and some phrases. They were so excited to show you.”

Calliope kneels down to Robyn’s level, her elegant dress carefully pooling around her. “Well, Robyn, your Greek is fantastic. And to answer your question, kala . How are you?”

Robyn blushes, tugging at their left ear (a habit they’ve acquired from their father no doubt). “ Kala ,” they say. 

“I am so happy to hear that.” Calliope gently brushes some of the hair off of Robyn’s face. “You look very lovely today. I love your dress, and your hair is very pretty.”

Robyn giggles, doing a little twirl to show off their fluffy dress. “Thank you. Auntie Jo did my hair, but she was complaining the whole time.”

“ Oi! Have some respect for your elders, you little bug.” Robyn laughs at the use of Johanna’s pet name for them. Little shit is what they are, calling her out in front of the beautiful lady. 

Weren’t adorable children supposed to help you look more attractive to other people? Leave it Hob’s kid to know exactly what to say to make Jo look like a complete idiot. 

Thankfully, Calliope doesn’t seem to take too much stock in what Robyn’s said. She stands up —ridiculously graceful, of fucking course— and approaches Johanna, slender hand held out. 

“You must be Ms. Constantine,” she says, embracing the name Constantine the way it was meant to be said, the Greek in her accent showing it all the love and care. 

“Johanna, please,” she says, taking Calliope’s hand and giving it a strong shake. She almost wants to lift it to her lips and plant a small kiss. 

And that makes her want to find the nearest bathroom in order to slap herself silly. 

For fuck’s sake, Jo. Don’t forget, she’s one of those high class posh sort . 

“It is lovely to meet you, Johanna. Orpheus has told me much about you.”

“Oh? Has he now?” Johanna looks over to Calliope’s shoulder to see Orpheus and Robyn in quiet discussion, sharing food between the two of them. 

“He has told me that you’ve taught him some rather interesting phrases for him to use.”

Crap . She was hoping that wasn’t what Orpheus had brought back to his mother. Then again, children do tend to hold onto curse words quicker than any other phrase, so she shouldn’t be surprised at all. 

There was an incident at a park several months ago. Jo had brought the kids to a nearby playground while Hob and Morpheus were doing some sort of important wedding planning nonsense. It was no big deal, but some of the other kids were giving Robyn a difficult time. Jo had gone to break things up before they got too heated, when some of the parents got involved, all too happy to tell Jo how wrong they thought Hob was to “indulge Robyn like this' ' and that he should make his kid “act normal' '. Jo was happy enough to ignore the stupidity and ignorance, and take the kids home. 

But then one of them brought up Eleanor, and said that Robyn was only the way they were because Eleanor wasn’t around. 

And Jo just lost it.

She didn’t remember exactly what her words were, but she definitely had several choice expletives she used. Of course Orpheus remembered each and every one and took them to his father. Morpheus, while happy that Jo had stood up for Robyn, was a little concerned that his son now knew phrases like “bigoted, useless prick” and that the “gormless nitwits” needed to “fuck right off”. 

She sighs, rubbing her eyes before remembering the makeup she’d spent nearly an hour putting on this morning. 

“ Fuck — No, I mean— Ah, piss it. Look, I’m sorry about that—”

Calliope lifts up a hand. “It is alright. Orpheus told me what had happened at the playground. How some of the older children were picking on Robyn, and how their ‘brave Auntie Jo’ yelled at the mean adults.” 

Jo scoffs. Well, that’s a relief. Good to know she won’t be barred from the Gadling-Athansiou household after today. She doesn’t regret anything she said (she rarely ever does), and would do it again and again. She doesn’t think she’s very brave. Being a decent person isn’t a brave thing to be. Loving a child unconditionally isn’t a brave thing to do. 

It’s one of the easiest things she’s ever done. 

“Yeah well, come after my little bug, and we’re going to have words.”

“We certainly have that in common. There is nothing I would not do for my Orpheus.” She glances at the two step-siblings giggling together, completely lost and innocent in the way that only children know how to be. “I think now, that includes Robyn too.” 

Calliope looks back to Johanna, and it’s at this moment where Johanna notices a fire in her eyes. For being a delicate, little thing, Calliope might be a whole lot tougher than she’d initially given her credit for. 

“I’ll gladly do the same for Orpheus, should the situation call for it.” 

“I am happy to hear that, Johanna.” She steps closer to her —a fresh scent of gardenia and bergamot surrounding her— and whispers conspiratorially in her ear “I’d even be happy to teach you some insults in Greek if you like. We have quite a colourful selection to choose  from.” 

Johanna turns to her, a smirk on her face, “Tough, pretty, and knows her way around a powerful curse. I like that in a woman.” 

Calliope smiles, reaching up to Jo’s suit jacket to adjust the collar slightly (bloody hell, she knew it was messed up). “Brave, strong, and knows her way around a powerful suit. I like that in a woman.”

Well , this wedding certainly got more interesting. Jo spares one last glance at Robyn and Orpheus, before leaning closer into Calliope’s space, her cheek just brushing hers. 

“You know, apparently there isn’t assigned seating,” Jo whispers softly in Calliope’s ear. 

Calliope’s eyes (Jesus, they’re pretty) (all big and brown and warm) brighten. “So I have heard.”

“Hmm. It would be silly to separate the little monsters, I think. They look so happy together, and there aren’t other kids around. They’d be so bored, otherwise.”

“That would be rather unnecessary, I think.”

“So, I propose, we all sit together. That way, we make sure Robyn and Orpheus aren’t separated,” Jo trails a pinky over Calliope’s thin wrist, a small move she does whenever she’s interested in someone. It’s important to start with slow, enticing movements, and not to rush too quickly into things. 

Calliope, it turns out, appreciates Jo’s flirtations, because she responds by dragging her thumb over her collarbone. “I believe that is an inspired idea, Johanna Constantine.”

Fuck , the way she says her name will have her ruined by the end of the night. Sassy, little minx that she is probably knows it too. 

“Auntie Jo!” Robyn calls out to her, interrupting what was clearly her laying down her A-Game (would Hob be upset with her if she called his spawn a cock-block) (what is the female equivalent anyway?) (She’s heard people use clam-jam and twat-swat, but even she has her filthy limits). 

“Yes, you impossible little demon?” she says. 

Robyn waves her mobile in the air (when the fuck did they swipe that from her?). “Daddy just texted you, and I’m not supposed to read your messages because you use too many swear words.”

“Oh for fuck’s sake,” she mutters, to Calliope’s amusement. If Hob’s messaged her, it means the love birds are finally finished their photo session. Which means it’s time to wrangle the hell-spawns and get them seated and ready for supper. 

Johanna turns to Calliope and holds her arm out. 

“Well, shall we head out then?”

Calliope places her hand in the crook of Jo’s elbow, “I would love to.” They collect the children and head back into the inn, where the rest of the reception eagerly awaits the arrival of the happily married couple. 

Johanna Constantine is not a wedding person. She never was.  But, with a pretty woman on her arm and the promise of a night of shameless flirting, she could learn to be one.

[desudog]

wait you HATED sweet pool omg. its my least fave out of the n+c releases ive read so far mainly for how flat the characters felt to me and how clumsy a lot of the plot felt but i rlly loved the aesthetic/general vibe it had so thats rlly interesting to me,if ur up for it id love to know what didnt click for u ^_^

when i judge how bad a VN is with my brother (avid VN reader as well) we use Sweet Pool as a basically "zero" on the scale of professional, large VNs.

Sweet Pool's writing was WEIRD. I can do some weird, thats fine. Weird ass-birth stillborn meatslugs? ... okay, ill... look past that. ok i wont lie, the constant ass-birth was hard for me. i really did try to not judge it on that but like, there was almost constant buttbirth going on. ive made peace with this by now, kinda making a link to myself about the connections of it to being an unintentional trans narrative in many ways and all but like. it was WEIRD. and kinda hard to read. it didnt strike me as horror, it struck me as "weird fetish i have to sit through. oh my god is he licking tha- PUT IT DOWN Z-DAWG. Ok christ."

The characters were also weird. I laughed out loud in surprise at how stupid the "i saved you from being raped <3 SO I CAN RAPE YOU, PSYCH!" scene was. like wtf was that??????

(I hope you werent planning on USING that butthole, mister!)

i did not enjoy the art style, i think its the ugliest N+C art style yet and since. not my thing. many angles and proportions look weird. the CGs looked stiff and uninspired. it NEVER grew on me. no shade to people who liked it or the artist it just.. wasnt my thing. not unbearable but just. not. as good as it could have been and def took away from the experience.

i didnt like any of the endings. it wasnt scary it was weird. the pacing was weird. for being a BL, it had very little love just... wtf. and im so sad abt what they did to mikoto bc i liked him before uuuUuUuUu yandere plot twwwwist. bleh.... dollar store keisuke! they would FORCE the true end so you maybe go, "maybe the true end is satisfying and good an-" no. its not. fuck yoU!

sweet pool was painful. i dont know how else to put my experience. i 100%d it because i 100% everything when i can, and i was literally pushing through like a hiker in a snow storm to finish it. every 3 seconds was secondhand embarrassment. the "jerking off in the classroom" scene comes to mind. i got up and took a break for that one because it was just unbearable. idk how anyone could slap one out to this vn. im not sure if anyone ever has. which makes the sex weird. actually, i dont think there was a single consensual ero scene unless u count the true end fusion scene.

(proof god does not love us)

the aesthetic/vibe was... ehhh... not super unique IMO. school setting immediately put me off, a more gritty and cool toned, dark palate made things interesting but, its still a "weird thing happens in high school" story. kinda bored to death of HS settings in VNs.

i did like the protag tho! he was interesting and it was nice having a chronically ill protag even if it was just a plot device to make him be able to miss school while going on a... dark apartment birth marathon.

sweet pool felt like a bizarre, amateur fanfiction for a fetish i dont have.

the soundtrack is very memorable as well as the opening pre-game sequence, i liked the concept of the choice button meanings, but they were very rough in actual use.

this is my favorite CG i appreciate the aquarium set up instead of a fish bowl (though he could do better...)

(shame about them turning into meat popcorn tho...)

i liked the iguana lol

i didnt care about these guys so much i dont even remember their names most of the time. except zenya. i liked him cus hes so cute and batshit crazy and has intersex swag.

(does this shade match my festering flesheye?)

all in all?

i give sweet pool a 2/10 butt babies.

--------- CONS:

no shortage of buttbirth stuff

seems to have lost the "love" in "BL".

some characters arent even original... FROM THEIR OWN STUDIO.

boring, hard to follow story

character focus on a character who has no personality. this guy is the gijinka of the hair that gathers at the drain of your shower.

designs that just are not very memorable or unique, without the personality to work with

story has routes but none of them were thought much of, should have just been a kinetic

confusing choice buttons

WAY too many choices for a VN with 3 candidates. makes 100%ing a drag.

predictable story

----------

PROS:

no shortage of buttbirth stuff, i mean, if youre into that

a soundtrack that makes up for the lack of good ero because this OST FUCKS

still a better love story than twilight

-----------

note: i read it in offical ENG, so i was no doubt getting a lower quality version. i dont think the original text would have helped getting it more than a single grade higher.

[vanadeyeira]

I saw the quote on your blog and just bursted out laughing for no reason. Anyways, here's my request. Be warned, it's very dumb.

Could I have Trey, Jade, and Jamil with a Female reader who is the most chaotic dumbass ever but when asked to help with tasks (fixing a vehicle/machine, cooking, etc) she suddenly turns into a master of the task at hand?

That's not dumb at all! Honestly aside from the female part this is something I experience daily! So I feel well versed in the subject, hope you enjoy ^^

Fandom- Twisted Wonderland

Characters Involved- Y/N - Trey - Jade - Trey

Trigger Warnings- small cussing

~ Trey ~

I really need help with this recipe but Y/N might die just looking at a knife...

Sigh...

"Hey Y/N could you- DON'T EAT CANDLE WAX"

"IT LOOKED TASTY"

The absolute frustration this man goes through desperately trying to keep you alive, he now understands how Jamil feels around Kalim...

"Can I help?" "No" "Pleeeeaaaassssssseeeeeee"

Eventually he will give in and give you some ingredients to mix

The second that bowl touched your hands it was like a wave of new energy surrounded you

"Y/N..." He'd mumble, dumbfounded by this new being in front of him

"DONE! Now what? Give me more."

Out of pure curiosity he'll let you cut some apples with very VERY close supervision

It's miraculous, beautiful even, how you cut an apple with such grace

Buuutttttt the moment is ruined as the second you've completed your task, you dropped the knife

No one was injured, but he's never letting you do that again

~ Jade ~

Oh to be a dumbass in the woods

Jade thought it would be a good idea to take you gathering with him, in hopes to increase the amount of supplies the 2 of you could bring back to NRC

He did not account for the number of times he'd have to save you from poison ivy and other creatures within the forest

"Ok Y/N I need you to focus. We are looking for porcini mushrooms, do you remember what they look like?" "Yeah!"

He felt like he was talking to a child, especially when you started to wonder off!

However, when you came back holding about 10 of a rather difficult mushroom to spot withing about 5 minutes, he was rather impressed, and quite intrigued!

He decided to just let you search while he held all of the porcini mushrooms you found

You were like a blood hound!

After 30 minutes he couldn't carry anymore so he proposed that the 2 of you should return home

The second he did, it was like a flip had switched in your brain and you tripped over a tree root

It was hard not to hear the audible and rather loud sigh coming from him after this

"Please hold onto my shirt as we go back down.."

~ Jamil ~

😤😮‍💨

Another Kalim... he really doesn't want to baby sit 2 klutz, but the second you cling to him he just can't bring himself to skake you off

He might as well make use of you somehow

At least that's what he'll tell you

"I need to put this together, but I've got no time to spare. Is there anyway you can take a look at it for me?"

"Sure!" "Please PLEASE don't break it.." "Relaaaxx I've got this!"

The sheer doubt on this man's face was somewhat insulting, but you really couldn't blame him

He left to do whatever task needed his attention, only to return to a seemingly empty room

"Has Y/N left?" He asks opening the door only to be angrily shooshed

"Don't break the zone"

"Holy shit are you almost done? This is meant to take a week at least!"

"DON'T BREAK THE ZONE"

Never once did your eyes leave the device, not until you were finished

It looked as if a professional had taken the time to hand craft every piece!

He was in absolute awe, until you wiped around and shoved it towards him nearly dropping it in the process

"CAREFUL" "Hehe.. whoops"

"What is that thing anyways?"

Hope you enjoyed! Farewell for now my little demons~

[theeeveetamer]

If you've been wondering where I am: the answer is Zelda

I kind of want to do a quick comparison of what I think TotK did better (and worse) than BotW so here it is. I'm not finished with the plot yet so I won't be talking about the story, but I think I've played enough to make a comparison when it comes to gameplay and characterization.

No story spoilers or quest spoilers or anything. Just general discussion about the kinds of puzzle contents of dungeons and shrines and some of the features you can find in the overworld, but I'll put it under a cut anyway.

Starting with what I think TotK does worse than BotW so we can end on a positive note:

1) The shrines. I'm probably at least 50 shrines in at this point and I hate how they're all basically a variation of either a physics puzzle or a combat trial.

It's like the devs looked at how cool everyone thought Eventide Island was in BotW and said "do that, but again, and 20 times just to make sure it gets really stale." The physics puzzles are all really short and, by nature of the game's design, you have to put at least some Zonai devices used for the "intended solution" into the shrine itself so players can't get stuck. This means the game basically hands you the solution to every shrine right at the start.

If I could improve this game's design, I would just give players 99 of every Zonai device capsule while they're in the shrine that they can take out and use as they see fit (removed once you leave the shrine).

I don't mind some of the underpants trials or basic physics puzzles, but I'm dying for a more meaty experience that takes a bit of actual thought to solve. Speaking of...

2) The dungeons. Admittedly I've only done two so far (the Rito and Zora ones) but somehow I find them even easier than the BotW ones. At least the BOTW ones had the kind of neat mechanic where you can flip and move and rotate parts of the dungeon to open up new areas or do different things. So far the two TotK dungeons I've done have been more incredibly basic physics puzzles. The lead up to the dungeons themselves can be kind of neat but other than that, I'm craving something more complicated and time consuming. Like, something I'd be able to burn an entire play session on instead of just an hour or two.

3) The tutorial segment. It's literally just the Great Plateau 2: Electric Boogaloo, except this one is extremely on rails. There's a very obvious intended path you're supposed to be taking around the islands and there's really not much you can do to deviate from it, at least from my experience. Which I get; TotK has much more complicated mechanics to explain and naturally the more complicated a mechanic the more babying the player needs initially. I just think it was kind of a bad introduction to the game. It's at least two or three hours of extremely linear tutorial, the island isn't really even fully explorable since you don't get the paraglider until after you're done, and I wish they'd allowed a bit more freedom right off the bat.

4) This is kind of hard to explain, but I feel like in general the path to some key features are a bit more on rails than I would expect?

Just as an example from the early game: You jump down to mainland Hyrule and you still don't have a paraglider. You actually have to do parts of the main quest before you can even have access to it. Sure you can continue running around without it, but you won't be able to fill out your map AND you're functionally locked out of 65% of the map (since there's no way to get to the sky or the depths safely without it).

The game doesn't force you to go do the main quest either, and there's no indication that the main quest will be what gives you the paraglider or that you need the paraglider to activate the towers and get map pieces. I probably played for a good 7 or 8 hours before I finally gave in and looked up where to get it, which is kind of a shame because I was really not having that much fun until I hit the first Depths section. I wish they'd just given it to you when you finish the tutorial section or the first time you talk to Purah, instead of making you do a whole run around for it.

That's not the only aspect of the game that feels like that. E.g. you can't activate the Fairy Fountains until you go to one specific stable and start a quest line, or you can't get rewards for those spirit frog gems you keep picking up until you go to one specific place and start a quest line. Sorta takes the fun out of exploring and finding new things when you're basically told "oops, come back later I guess" when you find something cool. That said though, this is probably the least egregious of my complaints because it ties into something I think TotK actually did better.

5) The UI in some places is hot garbage, I'm sorry. Why do we not have different tabs for food, bugs, and monster parts at this point? It is a nightmare 100 hours in trying to organize your shit. Not to mention attaching something to your arrow lays out EVERYTHING in your inventory in one big long line that you have to scroll through, which means you might have to shuffle through a hundred different items to find the one you want. It should not take me 10+ minutes in the middle of combat to find a shock fruit to throw/attach to my arrow.

Now for the things I think TotK did better than BotW:

1) I actually think the quests are LEAGUES better than BotW. This is the reason why complaint #4 above doesn't bother me that much. For an example of what I'm talking about: the great fairy fountains have a quest tied to them specifically. Because of that you need to go to that one specific stable to start it. So it's more on-rails, but as a result you get a better and more involved side quest.

To be honest, I'm okay with the tradeoff (a little less freedom for a little more quality). I was really, really craving more quests on the level of Tarrey Town in BotW and pretty much every town I've visited in TotK has at least two or three semi-sizable quests to dig into. And there are far fewer "catch ten bugs for me" quests, thank god.

2) Overall the world just seems more lived in. The towns are bustling with activity and all of the NPCs have their own little schedules and problems and dialogue. You see a lot more travelers roaming around, and it's actually worthwhile to talk to them (I just found out yesterday that some will mark where you can find clothing sets on your map!). You can encounter travelers fighting monsters and merchants and whatnot.

BotW's big problem really was that there was like no one out and about when traveling, and you were pretty much always punished for talking to anyone because 95% of the time they turned out to be Yiga Clan.

3) The sky islands are kinda meh, but the depths are REALLY cool. Admittedly I haven't replayed BotW in a hot second so I'm not really bothered by them mostly recycling the main map, but I can see why that would bother some. However, I say the devs more than make up for it by essentially creating an entire second map below the surface. And kudos to them too, because it's genuinely unsettling and cool to be down there. I just wish there were more sky islands/more variety in the ones we do have. I mean like every region has one with a central wheel with a piston that you can spin to launch yourself, I've encountered like three moon ones, etc.

4) Maybe this is just me, but I felt like BotW strayed kind of far from previous Zelda games. I like that TotK has a lot of little references and easter eggs for players to find.

And it's not overbearing enough that a new player wouldn't be able to understand what's going on, but they're neat little things for the long time fans. Like I howled when I got the Windwaker PJs and I adore a lot of the visual references to Skyward Sword.

5) I still don't love weapon durability, but it is better this time. The fuse mechanic does make it so you can turn pretty much any crap weapon into something usable. This definitely gets me using my powerful weapons more often, whereas in BotW I would pretty much never grab two handed swords and I would cling to my powerful weapons like a hoarder.

I still wish there were a couple of unbreakable "bases" you could use and just the materials you attach would break, cuz it doesn't feel good to get something really cool and rare like the fierce deity sword and have it break.

6) I CAN BUILD A HOUSE!!! Also the customization in general is fantastic. I love that you can have different paraglider cloths and there's soooo much FASHION!

7) I found the guardians very unfun and I'm glad they're gone. I'm not a big fan of the big bad enemy that you either die to immediately or you take them out FAST. Encountering a guardian was always more stressful than fun for me.

I'm not sure if this was in BotW as well, but I notice that in TotK if something really strong hits you from full health you'll always survive with a quarter of a heart. Cuts down a lot on the unnecessary deaths and is a good indicator to players on what is and is not currently safe for them to take on.

And just in general there wasn't a lot of enjoyable strategy to the guardian fights for me. Meanwhile in TotK I've been taking on stuff waaaaaaaay above where I should be for hours now, and while it's hard/a bit frustrating sometimes it's very doable.

8) Link! I like TotK Link a lot better than BotW link. Maybe it's just me, but he feels so much more expressive and interesting. One of my big complaints about BotW was that Link was very flat, which stood out even more since they added voice acting. So characters would just talk at him like a brick wall. A bit jarring if you're coming off of Skyward Sword or Wind Waker link.

[emily-writes12]

Harringtons Friend

Pairing: Eddie Munson X Fem! Reader and a small bit of Steve X Fem! Reader.

Warning: 18+, light smut, jealousy/overprotective, foreplay, swearing, drugs, mention of addiction, bad father figure.

Mini Description(2.4K words); It's been years since you've been in Hawkins but since your parents divorced you're back and Harrington is showing you around. Then you meet the group's new friend Eddie who is also your charming neighbor.

A/N: I used to write fanfics when I was young so it's been years and I'm a little rusty, I hope you guys enjoy! Any feedback is welcomed and p.s this will for sure be 2 or 3 chapters.

Chapter One:

It was the summer of 1986, you hadn’t set foot in this town since you were 12 and you had missed Hawkins so much. Since your parents split up, you and your mom decided to move back home since it would be easier but the real reason was the man she cheated on your dad lived in the trailer park, and moving in with him was your only choice. You could have stayed with your father if it wasn’t for his on-and-off drug addiction since the news. Nonetheless, you were excited to be back where you grew up and finish your senior year of high school. 

After a long day of unpacking you hear a knock on your trailer door, you head over and open the door to your old best friend Steve Harrington. 

“Y/N, you’re finally back, holy shit!”, he leans in for a hug, which you gladly accept and embrace him with your full force. 

“Fuck Harrington I missed you so much. I tried every summer to make my way over here but y’know family crap”, you respond back letting go of one another. 

You invite him in and he follows you inside to your room catching up on all the drama that has happened over the years you were gone. You missed your best friend so much, it was nice seeing him again. The two of you were inseparable when you were little, always holding hands running on the playground, playing tag, and having each other back. He was even your first kiss and you were also his, even though he will never admit that to anyone. At one point the two of you even dated but that was cut short due to the move. 

“I know you mostly know about everyone but you should meet them all again, they’re so big all those kids we used to hang out with pretty much because of how much I liked Nancy back then. You also haven’t even met Robin, Max, El, or Eddie. We’re having a campout tonight in the woods and you should join!”, Steve rang out. 

“Of course, I would love to, I haven’t seen anyone for years. Also ‘liked’ Nancy, you still do, you never shut up about her and your dream of having 6 little nuggets as you put it”, you chuckle out.

You two laugh and arrange where to meet later tonight. Steve leaves and you are left to your own devices of packing up a backpack for this little camping trip. Humming tunes in your head are abruptly cut short when you hear the loud sounds of Metalica, Master of Puppets blaring from your neighbors. You groan, it isn’t that you aren’t fond of the music but it reminds you of your father who tries to act too young at his age. You wait a few moments in the hope the music goes down but it doesn’t. 

“Fuck”, you mumble heading out of the trailer. 

You walk up to your neighbor's trailer and pound on the door which leads to no answer. You pound louder, practically shaking the trailer itself. The door opens and there stands a young man, maybe a few years older than you with long shaggy curly hair, brown eyes, and a shirt that reads ‘Hell Fire Club. Your eyes wander to his, caught off by how attractive your neighbor is but the thought is cut short when a cloud of smoke fills your face smelling like weed, you groan. 

“Look, your music is way too loud, and would you not blow your smoke in my face”, you say with an annoyed tone. 

“Well at least you think it's music”, he snickers, “But yeah I’m sorry about that I was getting carried away, I’ll go turn it down.” 

“Thanks”, you say as the door shuts. 

As you turn to head back to your trailer the music only gets louder. You look into the window of the trailer and there the man is, making devil horns and sticking his tongue out at you. You roll your eyes and give him the finger as you head back into the trailer to get your bag and head over to the campsite early. 

On your walk to the campsite, you subconsciously begin to sing the song from earlier playing obnoxiously at your neighbor's trailer. You sigh once you catch yourself, smacking your temple with your hand. You can’t help your mind from trailing back to that young man, even though he was more than a little obnoxious he still was excessively attractive. His long curly hair, beautiful brown eyes, and the way that shirt clung to him with sweat. You feel a knot build in your stomach, you shake your head trying to get rid of the butterflies. 

You get to the campground, hearing the sound of laughter and a crackling fire. You approach the fire and tents, Steve running up to you and hugging you. 

“You’re late, I thought you got kidnapped,” he laughed letting go of you. 

“No, I left early because some asshole was blaring music and I got annoyed but then I got lost and took the wrong turn. But I'm finally here”, you say with a smile. 

You look over and you see the same attractive guy from the trailer with a large smirk on his face, “Oh so your Steve’s friend and you’re already calling me an asshole, by the way, the name is Eddie Munson the freak of Hawkins High.” 

Eddie and Steve laugh and your face lights up pink, “I’m sorry,” you mumble. 

Eddie throws an arm over your shoulder and brings you close to his chest, “it’s fine, you looked like a preppy high school kid who would’ve called me a freak, but now I know your Harringtons little friend I apologize” 

You smile as a response taking in the smell of weed and cheap cologne that's wrapped around you. You try to wiggle away but Eddie grips on you stronger looking down at you with a cheeky smile and finally letting his grip on you go loose and letting you go. The butterflies fly back into your stomach. Steve and Eddie lead you back to the group and you exchange greetings with everyone and enjoy the night with your friends. 

“So all the kids are in bed whose up for a round of spin the bottle?”, Steve cheers. 

“Of course, you are the one who would suggest that”, Robin groans which cause Nancy to laugh. 

“I will opt out but watch for fun, just because I’m with Jonathan,” Nancy says. 

“What if it's only cheek for you then, since it’s just a game and all of us are friends and I really don’t think Johnathan will care not that I really know him,” you say trying to add to the conversation. Nancy nods in agreement. 

“Okay! Rules are settled let's spin this bottle,” Steve exclaims. 

Everyone settles down around a circle, you sit there beside Robin who looks very unimpressed about the situation. The bottle is set onto the ground by Steve and he spins, as you watch the bottle spins your eyes wander to Eddie who is staring intently at you, you smile awkwardly and he looks away. Looking down at the bottle it lands on you. 

“Wanna give me a kiss,” Harrington says cockily. 

“It wouldn’t be the first time,” you chuckle. 

You lean over the bottle to give him a kiss, he grabs the back of your neck pulling you into a deep kiss. You feel his hand entangled in your hair yanking on it to get the best entrance into your mouth with his tongue causing you to release a small moan. 

“Enough,” a raspy angered voice says causing you to pull away from Harringtons' kiss. 

You look over at Eddie, who has a scowl on his face which causes a tingle to go up your spine. The angered expression on his face turns you on in a way never before. The butterflies cause slight wetness in your panties. You let out an awkward chuckle. 

“Awe Eddie, just wanting some action for yourself,” you say mockingly. 

He grumbles, “Just spin the goddamn bottle again.” 

The bottle spins around causing a few small kisses between the friend group. Steve occasionally tries to convince Nancy to let him kiss her on the lips. You know for a fact that kiss between you and Harrington meant nothing, he wanted to get in Nancy’s head. He had always liked her and if them getting together meant kissing an old best friend for some jealous fun then so be it. 

“It’s your turn Y/N,” Nancy says. 

You smile and spin the bottle, looking around the group waiting for it to stop till your eyes catch Eddie’s once again. He smirks at you and stops the bottle mid-spin so it lands on him. You hear a ‘ooo’ come from Robin who by now is enjoying the game. 

“That’s not how the game works Eddie,” you protest. 

“It does now,” he says sticking his tongue out. 

You scoff as he stands up. You look at him, almost perfectly level with his manhood and of course, it crosses your perverted mind how big he is down there. It crosses his mind to, your mouth around his cock would probably be a dream come true. His gazes locked on you as he moves across the group and sits in front of you. You can feel the tenseness in your gut as his face inched closer to yours. He smirks at you and guides his hand up the back of your neck pulling you into a kiss. He wastes no time moving his tongue into your mouth causing you to gasp into the kiss. His tongue touches yours which makes you wet underneath your shorts. Your hands inching up his chest, melting deeper into this kiss, hearing his breath becoming quicker as the pace of the kiss speeds up. If it wasn’t for the fact your friends sat in a circle around you there would be no clothes. Eddie pulls away a strand of saliva still connecting the two of you. 

Eddie laughs, “Beat that Harrington.” 

“Oh well, I didn’t know it was a competition. Who can kiss the ‘new’ girl better”, Steve says. 

Everyone laughs, “Let's call it a night with that kiss,” says Robin. 

Everyone says goodnight and heads to their separate tents. Eddie waits back with you, standing close to you. You lean on him jokingly, putting all your weight on him. He looks at you and smiles kindly then moves, causing you to catch your balance quickly as he snickers. 

“Loser,” he jokes, “so do you smoke weed?” 

“Oh no, not really but I guess it wouldn’t hurt to try,” you say. 

“Don’t worry sweetheart, it’s harmless,” he says with a smile. 

Eddie pulls out a joint and starts walking away from the campsite and you follow along. Having the back view of him you can’t help but check out his amazing ass. I mean what can you say, those blue jeans cup it just right. He looks back at you and grabs your hand pulling you closer to him. Your hands entangled with one another. 

“You know sweetheart, you’re pretty cute. I have no idea why Harrington never talked about you more, you even think Metalica is music” he says.  

You giggle, “thank you Eddie, and yes I do my dad listens to it so I’m used to it and I listen to it too on occasion.” 

“So is that who you live with at the trailer?” he asks. 

“No, my mom cheated on my dad so now we live with her new lame boyfriend. I would have stayed with my dad but that wasn’t a good situation,” you respond shyly. 

“Ah that’s okay. My dad left me so I know how you feel. Let's smoke this stuff and forget about deadbeat dads!” he shouts. 

You chuckle, letting go of your hand he holds the joint up to his mouth lighting it, taking a long puff from the joint and hands it to you. You take a small puff of the joint, exhaling the smoke, noticing Eddie watch the rise and fall in your breasts. For the fun of it, you take a long puff watching Eddie biting his lips. Your head spins beginning to really feel the joint, loosening up your body. You start laughing out of nowhere, Eddie looks over at you and smiles. 

“What is so funny?” he chuckles 

“You’re just cute Eddie, I don’t know. I don’t even know you and I feel safe. Is that weird?”

“I mean, no, not for me anyway. I was the freak of Hawkins High so not much is weird to me. You’re pretty cool so,” he smiles. 

“Oh and that kiss! That was hot Eds, can I call you Eds?” you laugh. 

Eddie rolls his eyes, “Yes it’s fine and I’m glad you thought it was hot. Wanna try something else hot?”

You nod eagerly, he stops walking along the trail and you do the same. He pulls you in front of him, only a few inches away from one another. 

“When I blow out the smoke I want you to inhale it, okay sweetheart,” he smirked. 

You nodded as he hit the joint. He leaned close to you, your lips almost touching as he blows the smoke within your mouth you inhale it deeply and quickly exhaled the smoke. Fuck you think to yourself, looking up into his brown eyes, with how high you feel you can’t hold back this sexual tension between you two. You lean in and kiss him, he grabs you by the waist as the kiss deepens, feeling his hands slide down and firmly grab your ass. You wrap your arms around his neck running your fingers through his hair as your tongues clash with one another. You pull away for air, looking up into his dreamy eyes. 

“Fuck babe,” he chuckles, slapping your ass lightly. 

You giggle and shake your head, “we should head back, it’s late.” 

“But we were just getting started,” he pouts. 

“We will just have to carry on another date then cutie,” you tease. 

He pulls his hand away from your ass, sliding it to the front of your shorts lightly touching the clothed outside of your pussy with a smirk across his face. Leaning in and placing a seductive kiss on your neck, nibbling it lightly causing you to gasp. He pulls away placing a kiss on your cheek. Your pussy begins to ache, you pout. 

“You are such a tease, you know that Eds,” you whine. 

“I know babe, we will just have to continue where we started at another date,” he smirks. 

The two of you laugh and head back to the campsite to catch some sleep. 

[fussyspace]

Those not finished, part 2

At this stage of the competition, we're just meant to read 10-30% of a book and vote yes or no on whether we want to continue/the book should advance. The team's votes are then added together to find the top 10-12, which we then read in full and score.

These are the books I gave a no vote to and didn't finish reading. There are some I finished reading and still voted no to (usually when they were short enough that it wouldn't take long to get to the end).

A no vote doesn't necessarily mean a book is bad. Please also remember that these views are my own and may not reflect the rest of the team.

Arter, Sylas Seabrook

Word count: ~88,100

Cover: It definitely screams 'space'! I can't really tell much about what it will be about from the combination of the title and cover, but I at least get the genre, and it doesn't look like Earth, so that in itself is interesting.

Blurb: 'For a hundred thousand years, Sumatta has reigned as the source of all life on the planet Arter. Arter is a pangean continent whose skies are filled by a constant aurora and whose science is based off of aten, small bits of energy captured by nature which harness the fundamental forces of nature.

'Unel seeks to use aten to connect Arterians through their dreams in hopes of one day allowing Arterians to communicate through the mind directly. Finding the right aten and the right design for his device, the draumr, proves frustrating, and he finds himself relying on the support of his bonded (wife) to complete the project.

'As he discovers the necessary formula and they begin a family, Sumatta brings a message. Sumatta, Guardian of Ages, brings a message of a new age which will change Arter forever and give new meaning to Unel’s hopes for the draumr device.

'This story was 6 years in the making and is the first in a series of books which will take us deeper into the world-building of a universe of universes filled with characters who seek to better themselves, save the worlds the know, and the gods who play amongst them.'

There's a fair amount of information being dropped in the blurb, and while it sounds interesting enough I do wonder if it could have focussed more on the plot without getting bogged down by terminology or explanations. The thought of inventing telepathic/dream communication is intriguing enough to interest me.

Vote to continue at 30%: No

Content: I admit that when I read Arter's blurb, I saw '6 years in the making' and was immediately concerned that this would be a little book with a lot of worldbuilding shoved into it. This was either an irrational fear or, I suspect, brought on by the slightly info-dumpy feeling I got from the blurb itself. In any case, the first chapter played into my fears. While the main character Unel conducted experiments into some kind of telepathy, terminology dropped left, right and centre, and I found myself swimming, with increasing disinterest, through name soup.  Nothing hooked me until his 'bonded' came in trying to 'distract' him. More on that later.

I was confused by the fact that atoms appeared to be solid and visible in this world, which led to a question that I never really had answered to any degree of satisfaction – were the Arterians aliens who just saw things differently to humans? Their appearance was described as human-like, with no features distinguishing them. It often felt like they were just humans on another planet, but because I knew they weren't meant to be, my mind kept substituting the aliens from Strange Planet, but with hair. And boobs. We'll circle back to the boobs later. This was a consistent question that really annoyed me, especially when I encountered suggestions that there were other planets and non-Arterians, but I never got enough information to be able to tell the difference between the two. I even have a sneaking suspicion that one of the characters that appeared later was non-Arterian, but I just didn't know for sure.

I found the next chapter more interesting, as it drifted over to their religion and introduced a pretty neat four-dimensional tree along with its Readers, trained to read the patterns of the (later somewhat phallically described) god that visited via the tree. Still, not much happened, and I found the fact that 'it' was used as the Reader's pronoun incredibly off-putting compared to 'they'. This was coupled with a more widespread issue that sometimes occurred with typos and odd sentence construction.

Now let's circle back to the bonded and the boobs. A significant chunk of early chapters focusses on the relationship between Unel and his bonded (i.e. wife), which hooked into a pretty interesting worldbuilding aspect whereby fertility is controlled by expensive eggs that have to be collected from a certain species on the rare occasion the god rocks up to activate them. It was a brilliant hook for a dystopia, but the book didn't seem to be going in that direction. What we did get to read was a rather cringe-inducing slice of the couple's life, including Unel licking cream of his bonded's nipples and them saying they love each other many, many times.

The women, in general, felt rather sexualised and universally occupied rubbish positions in society. I found this very unusual, given the complete control they have over their own reproduction, which I felt would have improved their lot over human women. I also found it interesting how easy it was to reverse the polarity of the magic sex eggs and make them deadly, which I feel should probably have had more impact on their society.

The book began to get slightly more interesting when stuff started to explode, but at that point it immediately put me in another PoV with a new character I didn't care about, followed by yet another. And what should have felt like a big reveal relating to their god's true nature and intentions was told in two sentences rather nonchalantly when it could have had a much more impactful reveal.

All in all, Arter's setting had a lot of promise, but it didn't have much to hook me and was let down by its vagueness around species, its pacing, and the weakness of its women. As such, I did not keep reading past 30%.

Replika: Sky's Mission, Hugo Bernard

Word count: ~82,200

Cover: Bright and shiny, it suggests something code/tech-related, so that's pretty on brand for what the blurb suggests.

Blurb: 'Reality is an illusion worth fighting for...

'Earth’s ecological collapse is avoided when most of the world population agrees to permanently upload into Replika, a simulated reality maintained by the AI. But the stability of this world is threatened when a group of neuroscientists hack their own brains to interact with Replika in unforeseen and dangerous ways.

'Sky devotes her life to rebuilding the real world left dysfunctional from the massive exodus into Replika. But when she learns her brother, who disappeared under mysterious circumstances, is in danger, she must choose which world needs her most. All she wants is to find the brother she loves, but she will unwittingly get entangled in an attempt to redefine the reality of humanity’s future.

'With a strong cast of characters, REPLIKA is a wildly inventive and fast-paced sci-fi adventure that raises profound existential questions about the role of simulated reality in our foreseeable future.'

This comes across a little clunky to me for some reason, but the thought of neuroscientists hacking their brains to cause havoc within a simulated reality sounds pretty cool. I also like the emotional stakes of Sky having to choose whether to go after her brother in there or not.

Vote to continue at 30%: No

Content: This kicked off with an interesting prologue where a fourteen-year-old kid is preparing to go into a different reality – a task for which he must lose all his memories. I was intrigued, and I was miffed on his behalf at this seemingly unfair stipulation, but I was destined not to hear much about that for the next 30% of the book I read.

That 30% kicked of by introducing a bunch of new characters – mostly a woman being tortured for information and a guy working in a virtual pizzeria. It was there that we got our first taste of 'the virt', which isn't the same as Replika, as you can keep your memories and dip in and out of the virt. It seemed like some kind of digital twin/augmented reality/Second Life arrangement. A terrorist attack happened in Paris that was relatively interesting to hear about but brought me no closer to the titular Replika, which felt like it would have featured more heavily in the book from the outset. At this point I wasn't sure what was going on and was fairly certain I was going to forget who all the characters were.

A good part of why I found the going tough and got a bit bored was the fact that I never really got any sense of emotion from the characters. The point mentioned in the blurb – Sky needing to go into Replika to find her brother – sounded like it should have been emotionally huge, and while the text gave me the reasons why it should be huge, I never got the emotional impact of that. The text relies heavily on having the characters' inner monologues tell us stuff, even when that stuff is repeated in dialogue a paragraph later. This is coupled with relatively passive narration that keeps some distance from its third-person perspectives. Technically, there are also a fair few commas that should have been semi-colons or new sentences, and the dialogue sometimes felt a bit stiff.

I stopped reading at 30% because Replika itself still hadn't made an appearance (beyond, if I remember correctly, a brief conversation with its avatar) and I was bored of being told everything. I had formed so little emotional connection to the characters that I didn't even care when one of them got kidnapped. It's a shame, really, because the premise in the blurb sounded great, but it took too long to get to the point and got bogged down in its characters' heads.

Zero Gravity, Elizabeth Pridgen

Word count: ~83,500

Cover: The cover suggests storms, that's for sure, and 'Zero Gravity' is a pretty descriptive title for the plot, so it's clear what you're getting into. It's quite simple, but I like it, and the linear artefacts are interesting. It's a fun font, too, but I have always been a big fan of those Dymo embossing machines, so I am biased. I'm not quite sure what the tagline 'Onward with the future' refers to with regard to the plot, though, as it makes me think of either time travel or forwards progress at a civilisation level.

Blurb: 'The world is in a crisis. Almost all power is lost, the U.S. government has collapsed by a terrorist organization known as The Ravagers and there are unexplained, brief episodes of gravity loss which leads to numerous accidents, casualties and little to no arcas for shelter. Marlowe Benson is one of the few living Americans left in the United States, but has been separated from her partner, Jayden. After being rescued by other remaining survivors, they struggle to not only fight back The Ravagers but to find safety from the horrific gravity loss episodes known as "zero gravity attacks".'

A bit of a clunky blurb, really (after writing this impression, I did find a more up-to-date version on Amazon, so I assume the Goodreads page needs updating), but it sets the initial scene. If there's a whole terrorist organisation, it seems weird that the main character can be one of the few living Americans, unless the terrorists a) aren't American or b) were mostly wiped out by the storms. I'm probably nitpicking, but to me 'few' suggests you'd struggle to bump into people most days, let alone see enough people to have to fight back at anyone. In any case, the titular zero-gravity attacks seem to be a bit of a sidenote here, but the thought of them is interesting.

Vote to continue: No

Content: I would like to say that most of the issues I had with this book were due to the fact that it was submitted as a Word document and I had to reformat the whole thing manually. Unfortunately, they were not. (I would remind authors to please read the rules when submitting. This wasn't the only book we had to convert to the epub stipulated in the rules.)

Before I get into those issues, let's briefly cover the book itself. I admit I didn't get far, so can't comment much on this, but we alternated through a past and present with a few encounters, including the main character being hit by a zero-gravity storm. Here, the name didn't seem to fit – it was enough to make me doubtful, though writing in hindsight and having not noted it down, I can't remember if the storms were caused by zero gravity or simply named such. In any case, the first storm saw the main character able to kick things without pushing off in the opposite direction with equal force and also flipped a car seemingly at random. There didn't seem much logic to it. I didn't find the alternating times worked in this case, and the whole thing felt quite disjointed. While the blurb held some potential for an interesting story, my quibbles with the premise continued. It didn't seem at all believable that the US government had somehow been bumped off with no prior warning or fanfare, not a peep from the army, and with no one having noticed a terrorist threat powerful enough to pull that off to begin with.

What were the book's main issues? Editing. It needed it. Speech tags were incorrectly capitalised, many sentences made little or no sense, characters' body parts were described as doing things rather than the characters themselves, it failed to use the pluperfect when necessary, was overly passive and overused sentence fragments. It also seemed to jump in time, with characters being there one second and gone the next, though I couldn't tell if this was just a formatting issue that had stripped out the scene breaks. And a bizarre one: at one point it called a subway crash genocidal, which seemed a flagrant misuse of the word (unless someone had specifically shoved people from an ethic group on the train and then crashed it, which didn't seem to be the case).

All in all, I couldn't get past the 5% mark before I had to put it down.