#hahaha keep trying to prevent me from posting tumblr

[mcalhenwrites]

Distraction time, aka "What if I ramble about my stories?" What if I talked about the sort of things Vivian could have had as a child if someone like Phineas had found and raised him instead? Something cheerful with a happy ending would be nice right now. Even if it's not canon. ;) If you didn’t read the original AO3 posting of Seasons to the final chapter, this does contain some significant spoilers. Wouldn’t it have been fantastic if Phineas had visited Wyskaria and noticed Vivian’s signature when he was still little? He’d be a scrappy boy in rags, but old enough he already named himself Vivian. That means he’s not without some trauma. He just didn’t endure all of it before Phineas realized what was going on and stole this abused child away from his family. Vivian would go willingly. If someone had offered him food and a way out, he might be suspicious, but he would also be desperate. What could possibly be worse than what he dealt with from his family? Phineas realizes he’s hungry when they first meet, leaves, returns with food. Vivian is shocked but immediately snatches the food. Then he backs off. Until Phineas shows him magic. Child Viv is not like 400 y/o Viv. He’s impressed. Fascinated. Maybe he would have named himself after Phineas instead if he had met him first. Phineas doesn’t push Viv to come with him. All he does is feed him over the next couple of days. Then he says he’s going to leave town. “You can come with me if you want. You don’t have to stay here.” Vivian follows the food and the kindness. He’s a bit cautious but mostly? He’s hopeful. This is different than it was with Gideon, who forced Viv into structure immediately.

Phineas finds some better clothes and necessities for Vivian, including a toy. This is Viv’s dream. The 400 y/o canon Vivian wanted this childhood. In a different story, he can have it. Phineas introduces him to his family slowly. They visit a couple of his children, who dote on Vivian beecause he’s young and they have kids and hand-me-downs. He feels like a prince. He’s quick to accept Phineas’s affection. After a month or two, he’s happily hugging Phineas on his own. It takes a few more months for him to kiss him on the cheek. Phineas assigns Vivian a birthday based on what he knows, which is that Vivian loves it when it’s snowing. So he gives him a winter birthday. Then asks him what he wants to eat to celebrate it. Vivian wants the same treat he tries to make for Howie in Seasons–the one with fruit in fried bread that’s dusted with nuts and sugar–as his special dessert. For savory dishes, Phineas fixes Vivian some delicious pumpkin pasta with cheese, cabbage and sausage, and a baked ham. He has picked up on some of Vivian’s favorite foods since he took him in. While Phineas often likes to tease many of his children, he doesn’t do this with Viv. He senses that it might be too much–at least while he’s still young–and refrains from joking too much with him. He knows each kid is different. While certain approaches work with one child, it doesn’t with another. Vivian is sometimes a little fiesty and self-defensive, but he’s easily calmed by a gentle reminder from Phineas. He doesn’t think Phineas is soft on him. All he knows is that his other family was cruel and violent, and Phineas is happiness and safety. This isn’t a man who decides his savior is allowed to hurt him to some degree because he was also kind to him. This is a Vivian who is told his autonomy should be respected. Phineas is “Daddy” within a year’s time. Even when Viv enters his teens, he can’t help but use the more childish address. In part, this is because Viv–in most universes–still remembers his early years and it makes him yearn for a do-over. If only Phineas had been his birth Daddy. If only Phineas had found him before his human family. Vivian plays with toys a little older than other children. He’s physically affectionate but never clingy, always lounging close to Phineas because he likes being in proximity to his father. He likes consistency and schedules, because they make him feel safe. Traveling with Phineas stresses him out a bit. He prefers when they’re staying in one of Phineas’s many homes, although he doesn’t mind switching it up sometimes. He just doesn’t like it when Phineas goes to a new place entirely. That’s too much uncertainty for Viv. (Note that this is all before Daz is born and Cole is found when Phineas goes back to Wyskaria. And yes, those do still happen.)

Viv is a bit like Cole: he sticks to Phineas’s side a lot longer than a child usually would to a parent. Not to care for him the way Cole does, but the other way around. (Although maybe it will be different, because Viv being around does change a bit of the timeline, and that means Daz and Cole never encounter the danger that ends Daz’s life.) When he first realizes he has magic at fourteen, he welcomes it, but he uses it for whimsical things–not unlike how Sophie used hers when she came into it. Vivian is reluctant to go to college, but he likes numbers and their consistency, and Phineas encourages him to go meet people and study. Graham doesn’t get into trouble for always talking to Vivian, who has an explosive temper in another timeline. This Viv knows a bit of sign language from traveling with Phineas and can talk to Mabel. He’s a bit on the shy side, but he’s hoping if he sticks around often enough and gains Mabel’s approval, the cute apprentice will like him better. It works. The two get married surrounded by their loved ones. They build a house together. Vivian dreams of the future, and the cries of the cicadas still bring him an accident. He knows exactly who to turn to for advice and assistance. By then, Graham and Viv have had conversations about what kind of parents they want to be. Graham loves Vivian and attributes that to Phineas being a wonderful dad, and he tries his best to model after that instead of modeling after his own father. (Especially with their issues, which they work through before his father’s death.) Graham wants a lifetime with Vivian. They’re goofy and affectionate. They bring their six children to Phineas’s orchard sometimes, because it’s where Vivian is safest. Uncle Cole and Uncle Daz are terrible influences on all five of the kiddos. ;)

[milascenta]

August 9th 22:32

I apologise for not posting in a while, I've been dealing with massive migraines for a bout a month or so. But I have found the culprit and have fixed the problem, I'm feeling much better now. I should be able to get back to streaming soon too, with better equipment/quality. I realised too late that my second monitor had been going on 10 years now so it was giving out this high pitched signal, I just thought it was my mild tinnitus. My tinnitus was being compounded on, giving me massive headaches and making me feel just crap all the time, turning off the monitor would even help too, I would have to completely disconnect all the cables for it to stop, which is just inconvenient. I thought I was going crazy for a while just hearing this tone constantly in my room, but thinking it was just my tinnitus. But my tinnitus isn't that bad, just the usual you'd get from listen to live music constantly and working with audio in general. So its calmed down a lot recently too. So I realised it was my second monitor and got rid of it, got a new one (pretty much the same as my main one just smaller, same refresh rate same brand and even same product line, only difference is panel, main is IPS and 2nd is now VA, idk really know the difference lol) so it looks a lot better and I'm really happy with it. It feels just like having one massive monitor, I don't think I would get a wide screen monitor I like having two separate ones, but they feel so similar neither is better, obviously main is a few inches bigger though. During this time though I hadn't felt like doing anything, not going on tumblr just kinda rotting away with my head exploding. I have been doing my Dr appointments though and only have a couple left, I need blood tests and then hear back from the Lung specialist about my echocardiogram (just to make sure my heart is ok after everything) and then its back to the surgeon for talks of surgery to finish everything. Its finally getting there and I can move on with my life. My arm still keeps me up at night and hurts constantly but after surgery it should be good, also I am going to ask if I can keep the piece of my rib they cut out haha, surely they can't say no, its literally me and mine hahaha. I'm going for blood tests tomorrow, hopefully, or at least to be able to get an appointment for it, then off to hematologist then surgeon.

I'm sorry I was gone, I've still been here reading your posts though. The service looked lovely, the bikers showing up was really touching and exactly what I thought would happen, they stick together. The flowers looked beautiful and also your nails. I understand it was hard, It would be weird if it wasn't you know, I understand that it sits heavy with you too, you will get stronger with it. I know there is much else to do now other than process and sometimes that feels worse than having to deal with things because at least there's something to do, but this is finally time for you to process and feel and become you. But I know thats not easy, and thats ok. It reminds me of something someone told me a lil bit ago, "A cut in a tree doesn't prevent it from growing, a cut in a tree doesn't grow larger or shrink, the tree becomes larger though. The tree continues to grow regardless. The tree grows until and you realise that the cut looks smaller in comparison, it isn't smaller, but the tree is larger" and I try and think about that sometimes because its easy to let things consume you, let things grow larger than you and before you realise it. But everyday you're growing, everyday that tree is getting larger and stronger, and in comparison the cut gets smaller and smaller. Don't let bad days turn you off that, and don't forget the good times.

I really hope you have fun in London next week, thats soo awesome you're seeing Joji, I would love to see him one day. Been a fan of him since his FilthyFrank days and legit thought he was so talented as a musician and that he was hiding it under so many layers of irony haha. Now he's like one of the biggest muscians in the world which is crazy.

I'm sorry you're not feeling well, I hope you get better soon, take time to relax and hydrate properly. I look forward to you streaming, even if its just once it will be so fun! Don't put too much pressure on not being able to right now, getting better is more important.

"Now the dark begins to rise, Save your breath its far from over"

[devintrinidad]

So Uhm, CAW anon here. I haven’t been into Hetalia for years. But I feel like talking about a few things I noticed back in fandom a lot that I didn’t see at all in the canon manga/anime (though Hetalia itself is just a fanfic of history. I’m only focusing on character and relationships present in the canon series). 

Ok a lot has probably changed since the last couple of years in fandom. But back then I saw a lot of depictions of the FACE group: England and Canada not having much of a relationship. France and Canda being the closest while France and America aren’t close at all. America and Canada having a strained if not dysfunctional brotherly bond. Canada having no backbone and being a sad sack all the time or just being a pure angel with no flaws. America being too childish.

I’m going to try to remember all the canon bits to back me up. But I’m mostly curious if there’s anything off and your (most likely much more up to date and informed) thoughts. 

Canada and England have a pretty good relationship from what I’ve seen. We’ve sen plenty of material of England being present in colony Canada’s life. He used to cook for him too (poor Canada) and Canada spent almost about the same amount of time with him as America did. Later on Canada chose Enlgand over America when the colonies revolted. He didn’t want to pick a side but in the end he did. He fought against American troops. Was there when England was heartbroken over the fighting. He even acted as a strategist, using his knowledge as America’s twin brother to use America’s weaknesses against him (sending surrender papers inside a basket of food. America was so hungry it took George Washington telling him to resist to not take the bait).  Later on when America and Canada were trying to mend their relationship. Canada would get so nervous and have England talk for him all the time instead (which only confused America). England did it without any fuss despite any issues he and America might still have. Overall Canada recalls having a good childhood and England was a part of that. The two might not be as close as America and England are, but they have their own history and bond both are very comfortable and happy with each other. 

America and Canada. Fans I ran into often focused on America and England’s dynamic history. But the North American brothers have a lot of their own turmoil and strength to them as well. While Canada might,moan about being invisible and such. Canada also remembers having a very fun childhood with America. So much he remembers how sad he was when America grew up much faster then him and couldn’t play with him all the time like he used to. When Canada told America he didn’t want to fight, only to choose England, America felt betrayed. He loved Canada and wanted his twin brother to fight for freedom with him. Their relationship went pretty sour for a long time. But the two did end up trying to be mature later on in life and congratulate each other despite how annoyed they are at how different the other is. 

From there we only get brother goodness. They can bug each other a lot. Canada takes for granted everything America has done and gone through, things that have also been good for Canada. While America likes to mess with Canada and act pushy with him. They do like to horse around and spend time together. Despite their differences, they’re probably the closest siblings in the world of nations. They’ve gone through their bitterness and still chose to be close brothers in the end. They like to play sports together. They like to use their appearances to mess with England who can’t tell them apart like France can. They call each other on the phone a lot. They have a joint Search for Santa Claus operations every winter. America respects Canada’s opportunity and ability to easily get along with others. He also takes Canada’s concerns very seriously and offers reasonable and helpful advice such as how to help his citizens get along. Canada’s opinions must mean a lot to him since Canada is the only individual to make America cry in despair when he went into his 3 hour insult rant against him. Despite his complaints about his personality, Canada looks up to America as a big brother who he always goes to for comfort or help. He respects and admires America a lot and trusts him as his closest confidante (after his polar bear. Not that that bear is ever helpful). Overall America and Canada have their downs like every sibling pair has. But they also seem to have a very strong and stable connection where they can act like brothers and best friends. Sometimes I think it’s easier to imagine America is closer to Canada then he is to England. 

America and France. Back then these two didn’t get a lot of attention. Which is strange because there’s tons of material of them interacting throughout the centuries. France used to cook for America when England wasn’t around (I bet when Colony America said English food was as good as French food, some thing broke inside France. The reason America started disliking English food is because France made it his mission to salvage some of his tastebuds. Xp). France has been the only FACE member to stay by America’s side without conflict. Both of them obviously had a close bond since France gave America Lady Liberty and you could see teasing and ruffling America’s hair like a big brother. The two hang out a lot. They go to Maid Cafes together. They seem to have lunch together all the time at conferences since France is always looking for America to go eat together. They apparently also have sleepovers a lot and like to compare different genres of movies. Whatever issues their people can have with each other never seems to affect their personal interactions. France is the big brother of love and that’s sometimes a running gag for jokes. But he really seems to be like a normal big brother figure for America. He often worries about America and Russia’s scary relationship and chides England for raising America to be weird. In a deleted strip, France is preventing America from drinking alcohol because he’s too young (being physically 19). It also gets a bit heartwarming when you recall the Joan of arc strips where France meets the reincarnation of Joan and she’s an American. Almost like America is now taking care of Joan and giving her the opportunity to be free and happy in ways she couldn’t before. 

Also while it’s not part of their dynamic. It’s always interesting that when the author wanted to show the Nation’s personal relationships with humanity. He always chose America and France. The supposed happy go lucky airheads who often gain a affectionate yet somber (to even downright tragic) experience from it. 

Overall America and France have a nice quiet and stable relationship. You could say while England raised America as a colony. France was among the mentors to America on how to be his own Nation. 

I think that’s it. Again my memory might be foggy but that’s what I can recall. =P

~~~

WAIT A MINUTE YOU’RE ALSO A HETALIAN??? AND YOU NEVER TOLD ME???

Okay, I’m going to prioritize this ask/submission thing first because wow, you’re a Hetalian and Hetalia has a special place in my heart. First of all, I’m kind of flattered that you think that I’m up to date for this, hahaha. I’ll have to tell you, while I do know a lot about American history, I’m actually more of a fan of the Itabros, hehehe.

A few tumblr people that I know specialize in Hetalia and have already posted FACE dynamics a lot in the blogs are, but not limited to: @historihet  @stirringwinds and @ellawritesficssometimes. I’m not sure if Ella is still active, but there’s a lot of content that you can browse through if I’m not thorough. Also, again, the list of tumblrs that have been associated with FACE are definitely more than I can imagine, those are the three that I follow and know off the top of my head.

To @historihet @stirringwinds @ellawritesficssometimes, I love your interpretations and love for history! If I say anything inaccurate or something you don’t find to your liking, please inform me! I don’t want to spread misinformation and I’m just so excited to talk about Hetalia to my dear Anon Friend :D 

If you’re reading this, I hope that you all have a wonderful day! And keep up the great work with your own analyses/fanart/fanfiction/etc. You guys rock and keep the fandom alive. :D

Anywhoozles, what you said here is fairly accurate. FACE definitely has its up and downs. Assuming that you haven’t been active in the fandom since... let’s say 2012-2014ish era, you might have noticed that the common bonds are Canada and France (platonic), France and England (rivalry/lovers/enemies), and the most concerning relationship America and England (brothers/rivals/lovers???). What you said in your analysis really applies within the sense of what is considered to be manga/anime canon, not necessarily historical canon. 

In historical canon (if you want to go down that route), FACE is one dysfunctional mess if you want to consider it as one family unit. Every one of them at one point has been at each other’s throat at one point (whether it be at war or just snubbing the other because of politics). 

We have:

1. The Revolutionary War (England vs America)

2. War of 1812 (Canada/England vs America, with special emphasis in 1814 because Canada burned down America’s White House if I remember correctly)

3. The XYZ Affair (I’m pretty sure it was a snub in diplomacy??? which actually started a war???)

4. The fact that American promised to help France in their own revolution, but Washington said no because we’re still a new country and all that jazz (...I know this because of Hamilton IF YOU’RE ALSO A HAMILFAN I WILL CRY)

5. And like the entire history of France/England is just its own thing

As you can probably tell, FACE... I think was just a  term for the fans to make this makeshift family dynamic that is cute in some respects if this was like a human au, but definitely a cluster of effs if you imagine them as eldritch abominations that were brought to life because of human imagination. 

Like, the dynamics can go in so many directions if you want to choose one aspect of history over another. 

In @stirringwinds, they often write/draw about America as this Prodigal son who happens to be like the Crown Prince succeeding his once proud father. (America turning into a superpower after the World Wars and the English Empire just kinda dismantling itself because of everything.... OF COURSE THAT’S AN OVERSIMPLIFICATION, PLEASE DON’T KILL ME FOR INACCURACY!

Whereas for another tumblr, @historihet they portray the USUK relationship as more of a ship. Like, the whole brother relationship that is skewed in the anime/dubs/subs (this is due to the fact that some fans take the whole older brother thing too literally because in Japan, you call your elders/peers that happen to be older than you via polite endearments) is more of a... I’m not gonna say paternal, but it was more of a mentor thing? I’m not sure, I haven’t interacted with them much, but I’m pretty sure they ship it. Plus, their art is so amazing and they’re obviously a fan of history because wow, their head canons and their art is so beautiful and detailed.

As for the whole France and Canada relationship, I think this can be further elaborated via @ellawritesficssometimes. I remember reading that France and Canada, while having a similar relationship to England and America, it wasn’t that close or as heartwarming as many fans make it out to be. If you follow Canadian history, I’m pretty sure Canada was under French rule for a sort time before becoming part of the English Empire. Like, Canada was part of the Empire for a longer time than under France. This means that France wasn’t always there, England was. You can further read between the lines about the English/Canadian relationships, especially if you consider the fact that America fought an entire revolution to get away from England because of neglect on England’s part and on Canada’s part.... all he had to do was ask. 

Soooooo....

Overall, I’m glad that you told me that you were part of the Hetalia fandom. It’s nice to see that the fandom is still alive and kicking, hahah. That reminds me, I’ve got to finish my series concerning Italia Veneziano, oops. Just wondering, but why did you want to talk about this? Not that I mind, it just seems out of the blue... 

Thanks for the analysis and your chat! I hope that you have a wonderful day! :D

Please don’t tell me you want a FACE fic, hahahah. XD

[ahiddenpath]

My Current Thoughts on Writing Fanfics

I’m so glad I’ve had this bloggity since 2012, because I can see how much my approach to writing has changed!  I wanted to touch base on where I am now, plus answer the most common questions I receive about writing fanfics beneath the cut.

Obligatory disclaimer: I’m a hobbyist writer, this is meant to be taken as opinion/reflection, not advice, different approaches work for different people, annnnd also check out my digimon fanfics (FFN and AO3).

How do I develop a regular writing habit?

I’d start by setting aside 15 minutes a day to write.  Don’t focus on word count- writing x number of words can be intimidating, but most people can sit for 15 minutes and get something down.  If you’re writing on a computer, turn off the internet and place your phone out of reach

Gradually increase the session length.

Never worry about the quality of your writing while you’re drafting.  That’s what editing and subsequent drafts are for.  I have a post on utilizing successive drafts to combat writing paralysis here, but the tl;dr is that the pressure to write a perfect story in the first draft often turns writing into an agonizing trial instead of creative play.

Your first draft is bad, period, at least compared to what it will be.  In the kindest way possible, get over it.  Your value as a writer- or as a human!- isn’t tied into your questionable first draft.  Please explore your story in the earliest stages with enthusiasm, not criticism!  You’re going to make it so much better by the time you’re finished!

How do you write so much?

See, here’s one of the biggest changes in my mindset compared to my early days as ahiddenpath.  I used to think that doing all of this writing was like... extra credit, like a stretch goal I pushed myself to achieve.  

I learned in therapy starting in 2018 that the reason I keep writing is because I have to.  I have general anxiety disorder, and my brain...  Have you seen an old-timey cartoon with a boiler?  They are drawn swollen, metal distorting with steam pressure, rivets groaning and popping free.  That’s how I feel if I don’t write.  Don’t ask me why or how, but writing is like turning a valve to release the pressure.

(Quick PSA- my therapist calls creative outlets “coping skills.”  If you feel like you have boiler brain, make time for your hobbies, no matter how tired you are.)

For me, writing is challenging play.  Although I’m often conveying messages that matter to me or exploring ideas I want to work through, and I try to make the best product I can...  I don’t take it seriously, and I don’t sweat over it.  I’m here to wander, play, and take care of myself.

So basically, I think the recipe for producing lots of writing is: regularity/habit (do it every day, even for just a little while), minimizing distractions, separating the processes of drafting and editing, turning off criticism in the early stages of drafting, and writing for yourself and your own needs.

 Do you feel embarrassed about writing fanfic?

Nope.  I write for my mental health/because it’s fun, period.  However, I also don’t tell people IRL that I write fanfic!  But I’m a private person (I don’t tell people IRL that I’m asexual, for example, and I only tell them I have anxiety if I freeze up in front of them).

Do you feel embarrassed about writing OCs/fakemon?

Hahahaha!  Look, I know there are lots of people who won’t read OCs and fakemon.  I know there are probably people who wish I would stick to more canon stuff (both in terms of OCs and my strong preference for AUs).

But I’m here to write what I want, and while it makes me happy when people read and enjoy my work...  It’s no skin off my back if they don’t.  I already fulfilled my goal of taking care of myself.

Don’t you want to get published and make money for your writing?

No, not at this time.  For everyone who has said that I have the writing skill to be published, thank you so very much.  That’s so kind, and I truly appreciate it!

But...  The United States has the enormous capitalistic attitude problem that endeavors are only worthwhile if they generate capital.  I can’t even begin to tell you how damaging this concept is- literally, I’m not equipped with the sociopolitical educational background.  

Sometimes I think I’d like to become a published novelist?  But sometimes I recall that I have a dope research gig, and I wanna play around with writing in my free time.

To be clear, I’m not saying that you shouldn’t pursue your creative career dreams!!!  And, who knows, maybe some day I’ll get tired of research and want to try swapping to the hobby/skill I’ve spent so much time refining.  Just...  Never stop doing something fun and harmless you enjoy because “it doesn’t make money.”  

I’m not gonna sit here acting like I know what the purpose of life is, but I think having fun and meeting your needs is pivotal.

Okay, so how can I support my favorite fandom content creators?

Bless you, f’real.  The easiest way is to comment on their stuff.  For meta writers, leave comments, engage, ask questions.  For fanfiction writers, leave reviews.  I have so many lovely folks who chat with me over Tumblr or discord after reading my stuff, which is so great.  But it’s hard to find those sweet messages later.  I can always click on reviews any time I need a little positive reinforcement/boost.  So, even if you’re going to talk to the writer later...  Leave that review!

If the content producer uses social media, reblog their stuff to give them more exposure.  Likes are for you, so you can find a post later.  Reblogs are for the creators, so other people can see their work.

Things like fanart, fanfic of fanfic, cosplays, and other... fan content of fan content make our year, I promise!  We love that so stinkin’ much!

Some fan content producers have a ko-fi and/or a patreon, so sometimes there are monetary ways to show appreciation.

If you’re intimated by a content producer, please remember that we are all massive dorkasauruses.  I absolutely guarantee it.

How do you have so many ideas?!

Ah, I have a Future Projects page on my blog- I don’t think pages work on mobile.

But here’s the secret: ideas are the easy part.  They are literally a dime a dozen.  Heck, there are AU generators!  Just pick characters out of a hat and use an AU generator and bam, you’re off!  And even then, you don’t need a real idea to start writing!  I launched Four Years on the thought of, “hahaha, wouldn’t it be a mess if the Chosen went to college together?!”

We’re writing fanfic; we’re here to play.  There’s no need to crush yourself with the expectation that you must write the next hit thriller plot.

In my opinion, the much better question is: how do you manage your projects such that you complete them?

So, uh, how do you manage your projects?

I’ve established that I write fanfic to play and to take care of myself, but I do want to grow as a writer along the way.  And the best way to learn how to craft narratives is to practice completing them.  If you launch stories over and over and only write roughly 1/4 to 1/3 of the way through the story...  All you’re practicing is how to start a story.

When I first started writing as ahiddenpath, I did exactly zero planning (see the Four Years reference above).  I ended up with longfics stretching as long as 400K+ words- that’s over six novels (based on the average adult fiction novel length)!!!!!  It is so daunting to work on longfics, because you feel like the ending is nowhere to be seen.

SO most of my pointers circle around always writing towards your ending, even before you start!

-Decide what you want to say with your story before you start writing.

First, “what you want to say” doesn’t have to be a big, grand theme.  It can be as big as “how the trauma of their adventures impacted them after” or as small as “I think these dorks would have a good time at laser tag.” 

I’m not talking about a detailed outline (in fact, I personally hate outlines).  Just know what your story is about and make sure what you write points to it.  If you can make the structure of your story mimic your theme, even better!  But no worries if that doesn’t work out, it’s not always possible.

-Write linearly

The best way to keep moving along in your story is just to... keep writing it in order.  This helps achieve regular updates, and prevents you from potentially “losing” material if you change your mind about the plot before reaching the bit you wrote already.  This happened to me so frequently that I stopped writing ahead of myself.  If I have an idea, I write it down, but I don’t draft future scenes.  In my experience, they often never see the light of day.

I’m told people often write the bit of the story they most want to write first?  If you have a single scene that you’re really longing to write, but you don’t know how to get there/don’t want to write the rest...  May I suggest that you... don’t write the rest?  If your scene works as a oneshot, write that oneshot!  Don’t torture yourself with a lot of writing you don’t want to do.  Most often, people end up forcing their way through 1-4 chapters, then stalling before ever reaching the Good Bit. 

A moment of silence for all of the unwritten Good Bits out there.  Now, some Enya.

If you can’t reduce Good Bit setup to a oneshot, reduce as much as possible.  I think that sometimes, people underestimate the incredible advantages of writing fanfiction?  Everyone knows your characters already, and maybe even the setting, if you keep it canon.  You can cut out the setup and dive right into what you want to do with the characters! 

-Think about the structure of your story before you start

Considering the structure of your story is a fantastic way to estimate how long it will be/ensure that there is an ending in sight from the start.  For example, in Voices, I covered a single school year in Japan, writing a diary entry for a different Chosen every day, so I knew that I would write the story for roughly a year.  After August had one chapter per Chosen, so each child could help Taichi deal with his post Adventure trauma in their own way, plus an opening and closing chapter.  My Tri story, Tri: Integrity Lens, is written and posted in installments covering each Tri movie.

It’s fine if no particular structure strikes you.  I could see forced structure turning into a gimmick, you know?  But if it naturally works out, it’s a great way to have a solid idea of how much story is ahead of you before you start, and where the story will end.  And being cognizant of how and when a story ends from chapter one yields a tighter, shorter fic, one that you’re more likely to complete.

-Consider writing in batches/sections before posting

So lately, I’ve been experimenting with how I deliver fanfic updates.  I mentioned that my Tri fic follows the Tri movies.  Each movie is covered with a few 3,000-6,000 word updates that I post every other week.  I cover an entire movie before posting any of it, and then I plan to take a break in between movies to work on either the next movie or a different fic.

AND THIS IS SO GREAT!  Having large chunks of my story written is such a fantastic way to do things!  I keep thinking of little details I can add/things I should mention and noticing inconsistencies I can fix before posting.  Giving myself a larger picture and time to mull over it by spreading out updates is making a huge difference for me.

Plus, giving yourself little breaks between installments can help keep you fresh and motivated, while leaving your audience waiting at a nice, natural stopping point.  Plus, this way they know that you haven’t just... up an vanished or dropped a story.  You’re just taking an announced break.

How do you plan stories?

I believe I mentioned hating outlines.  I personally respond best to “structured freedom.”  I focus on things like: what are my themes/what do I want to say, how will the characters grow or regress, how is this story structured or formatted, what is the overall tone and mood.  Other than that, I keep things fluid...  Which is why it’s so important for me to enforce some kind of ending point before I begin.

Basically, for me, too much planning = a boring slog where I can’t inject the moods and ideas of the day into my work without derailing meticulous plans.  Too little planning = longfic hell.  I’m guessing that everyone has to decide for themselves where they land on this continuum!  Exploration is vital.

Okay, I am out of steam for today.  If you have any other writing/fanfic questions you’d like answered, please let me know!  Here are some other resources I’ve made.

-Combating writing paralysis with successive drafts

-Dishing with an artist

-Tips for Fanfic Authors

-More Tips for Fanfic Authors

-Tips for Winning Nanowrimo

-Resources/Advice for Digimon Adventure Fanfic Writers

[thelifeoftuan]

I haven’t really ever talked about this before (in public, anyway, and currently, really only one person knows all of this wholeheartedly and in more excruciating detail), but I felt compelled to just put this out there today. Hahaha! It’s not a big deal. At all. Ergo, posting it on tumblr and letting it sift in between my reblogs of Chinese dramas, Bulbasaur propaganda, and mean twitter. Hahahahaha!

One of my coworkers had gifted me a rather expensive-looking bottle of wine for the holidays. I posted a picture of it on my story kinda joking that perhaps I should finally start drinking alcohol, because raging alcoholism couldn’t be any worse than how I have been feeling lately with the climate of this country (that’s for another post for another day...). Honestly, I was hoping people would reply offering to take it off my hands, because I definitely do not know what to do with it and I didn’t want it to go to waste. And then a number of people who might not know me as well messaged me, surprised that I have never drunken alcohol. I offered to send the bottle to one of them, after which they informed me that I can’t personally send alcohol through the mail. Hahaha! Fail. Which goes to show just how much I do not know about alcohol, ‘cause I didn’t even know such a law existed. I honestly probably shouldn’t joke about it, because this issue is pretty personal to me. Again, it’s not a big deal in the grand scheme of things. And I don’t ever get mad or irritated about it. And it’s not something I really ever disclose unless someone really, really, really wanted to know the reasons why I have never drunken alcohol and will never drink alcohol. But, what the hell, here they are: 1. I was raised that way. Growing up, there wasn’t a single ounce of alcohol in my household (that I knew of, hahaha!). One of the Buddhist principles is to not engage in any behavior or activity that alters the mind and impairs judgment, which includes consumption of alcohol. Every Sunday, that precept was ingrained into my mind. But of course, growing up, I saw many, many, MANY of my elders drink alcohol, amongst consumption of other things that went against this precept. At first, it baffled me. Why did they preach these things to me yet do the opposite? Then I sort of understood a little bit about the compromises people make with themselves during adulthood. I won’t ever consume alcohol, but eventually, I got to a point where I was okay if others did and even if they did so around me. It didn’t make me uncomfortable anymore as long as they are responsible about it and no one is harmed. And you know, in the instances where people around me have been a little too overzealous with their consumption, I make sure that they are safe, help take care of them if asked to, even help clean up messes if I need to... but I have gotten to a point in my life where I felt no need to question or judge people for their consumption of alcohol. As long as people are safe, responsible, and happy, (and I am not yacked on--true story) who am I to be bothered, right? 2. I have an addictive personality. I know this from all the times I’ve cleared a 12-pack of Dr Pepper in a span of 24 hours. I have obsessive and compulsive tendencies. I know this from all the times I’ve nearly driven myself to near insanity pouring over unnecessary details and minutia. I have a mental disorder. I know this from my formal diagnosis of major depressive disorder. And over the years, given my many episodes of mania--while slight and somewhat mild (hopefully)--I fear that I may suffer from bipolar disorder. And I know from my training as a physician that mind-altering substances, especially alcohol, will exacerbate my symptoms, and I do not want add raging alcoholism to my list of problems that I am trying so desperately to keep under control. There’s a saying that “doctors make the worst patients” and I will have to stand by that when it comes to myself. I know myself well enough to know that if my mental illness ever spiraled out of control (again), I would suffer dire consequences (again). And so, to avoid the unraveling of my life and prevent my mental illness from besting me, I choose not to drink alcohol. 3. Alcohol killed my best friend. This is probably the biggest reason for my lifelong abstinence from alcohol. I don’t need to, nor do I want to, rehash the sad story of how I lost my best friend, but this is the most important reason I have for making the choices that I make when it comes to consuming alcohol. In some strange way that doesn’t seem to make much sense when I try to put it in words, I choose not to drink alcohol so that I can avoid tarnishing my memory of him, so that I don’t feel like I betrayed him. He was my best friend. And we were supposed to be together for the rest of our lives like we had promised. But I lost him in perhaps one of the worst ways possible. And I feel like if I were to ever partake in consuming alcohol, a part of him, perhaps the most important part of him that still lives within my soul, will die as well. It sounds like an irrational, nonsensical reason. But it’s my irrational and nonsensical reason. And if it keeps my heart and my soul intact, I will hang on to it. I kinda chuckle to myself when people comment on my teetotalism, whether if it’s with complete shock or if they try to persuade me to try it for once in my life. I just continue to politely decline. People will ask me why I don’t drink sometimes, and I’ll tell them, “It’s really just a personal choice.” Because that reply is not as loaded as this post. But to anyone who “knows” me and finds this post and has ever been curious about why it seems like I “have a stick up my butt about drinking alcohol,” ...well, I hope you’ll come to find that I really don’t have a stick up my butt and understand that, rather, it’s a knife wound through my heart that I have been trying to keep closed for a very, very long time now. That’s all for now.

[lilfellasblog]

The Only One - A Virgil H/C Tumblr Ask

Summary: Virgil has a secret that the Light Sides and Thomas are completely unaware of, but the Dark Sides unfortunately aren’t. The Dark Sides are spending more and more time in the main area of the Mindscape now that Thomas and the Light Sides are trying to accept them as part of the famILY. What does this mean for Virgil?

This is an ask that Tumblr ate, so to the anon that requested it, I’m so sorry if you’re only seeing this now!! I actually really enjoyed writing this!!

A/N: If you liked this, please reblog. It is the only way to help this fic reach a wider audience. Tumblr ate most of my fics that I know I posted here, which makes me very sad for a lot of reasons, one of the biggest being that the love and comments and tags that folks showed this fic is gone into the ether. I’ll be making a masterlist to help prevent this from happening again.

TW: Trans guy Virgil, gender dysphoria, transphobia, deadnaming (kind of), misgendering, minor physical violence, blood, knives, Unsympathetic Deceit, Unsympathetic Remus, bullying, harrassment, forced undressing, crying, angst w/ a happy ending.

Word Count: 3367

AO3 here!

Fic Masterlist here!

Virgil curled his hands in the thick quilt on his bed. He’d encountered Deceit and Remus of all Sides that day and had hid in his room ever since. He couldn’t even be bothered to replace his shirt; he’d just thrown the tattered remains on the floor and crawled under the covers in shock, trembling with silent tears going down his face.

“Kiddo! Dinner’s ready!”

Virgil swallowed, trying to get past the lump in his throat. “Sorry Pat, I’m not feeling well,” he called back, voice gravelly.

Patton spoke more softly this time. “Oh sweetie, I’m sorry to hear that! Do you want me to bring you some soup or water?”

Despite his trauma, he smiled through his tears. He’s too good for me. “No thanks Pat, I think I just want to sleep right now.”

“Okay! Let me know if there’s anything I can do!”

“Will do.”

Virgil heard Patton move away from the door, and he sighed.

I should probably clean up the wounds. Don’t want them to get infected.

Virgil shakily stood and walked over to his bathroom. He winced. This is bad. This has to be one of the worst times. Thin cuts marred his skin where Deceit and Remus had used a knife to cut his shirt off. Thin lines of blood trailed down from each wound. Virgil sighed and went about disinfecting them.

You know they’ve been more active in the main Mindscape, you know they’d see you wearing a binder. Why did you have to be so fucking stupid? You could have just worn your huge hoodie like you used to and it would have been fine. They already beat the shit out of you once you changed your voice in the Subconscious, did you really want another beating that badly?

Virgil bit his lip as a sob forced its way past the lump in his throat and more tears streamed down his face. Soon, he’d expertly cleaned and bandaged his wounds and he started working on cleaning the tear tracks and makeup from his face. He cursed the Dark Sides for knowing to aim for parts of his body that would be covered up by clothes; if he’d been unable to hide the bruises, he wouldn’t have a choice but to tell the Light Sides.

The Light Sides won’t believe you. What, the Dark Sides they’re working on accepting just so happen to be evil transphobes who hurt you? And you’re the only Dark Side who’s not an asshole? Give me a break.

Virgil bit back tears. He was tired of crying over the Dark Sides hurting him. And if he told the Light Sides, they’d start asking questions that he wasn’t ready to answer. It was bad enough that they’d “outed” him as a previous Dark Side, causing their loving, wonderful Host to look at him with disgust.

Virgil shook his head. Thinking about that isn’t helping me calm down. He splashed a bit of water on his face and finished cleaning off his makeup. He curled back up in bed, hissing through his teeth at the new injuries, and resigned himself to a night of restless sleep.

/////

Virgil decided against wearing his new shirt and hoodie, instead opting for his old black ensemble. He felt like crying without a binder, but he also didn’t want to lose another one to Deceit’s knife and he was pretty sure a couple of his ribs were cracked.

Virgil made his way downstairs for breakfast, miserable. He’d put on extra black eyeshadow to hide the bags under his eyes and hopefully to draw attention away from the fact that his eyes were slightly red.

He was shuffling into the kitchen when he froze. Deceit is here, why is he here, why is he here, why is he-

“How are you feeling kiddo?” Patton asked.

Virgil shrugged keeping eye contact with him and resolutely avoiding the other Dark Side. “Fine. Better.”

“That’s good! I thought that we should get to know the Dark Sides better, so I invited them over for breakfast! Although Remus didn’t show up, something about being on a ‘deodorant cleanse’?”

“Yes, Virgil, it’s so important to get to know each other better, don’t you think?” Deceit purred.

“I know you well enough!” Virgil spat back.

“Now Virgil, give him a chance,” Patton said, disapproval coloring his voice.

Deceit looked hurt. “Yes Virgil, why aren’t you giving me a chance? I’m trying here, and you’re just being mean.”

Dammit, Deceit can act well if he tries.

Deceit looked at Virgil with a sick smirk.

Virgil narrowed his eyes at Deceit. “Fuck. You.” and sank back into his room, his stomach cramping from hunger. He curled up on his bed and hugged his pillow, angry tears coming out this time.

I just wanted food! And now Patton thinks I’m an asshole! And the others will too! Fuck!

A few hours later, he couldn’t ignore the nausea anymore and decided to venture downstairs. He walked up to his door and pressed his ear against it, listening for any indication there were Sides walking around. Hearing nothing, he slowly opened his door and looked both direction.

Finally. I need-

“Doom and Gloom!”

Fuck.

Virgil turned his head and looked at Roman. He seemed excited about something or other.

“I have this wonderful new project! For Halloween! You’ll love it Virge!”

Deceit and Remus appeared behind Roman, smirking.

“Virgil? Who’s she, never heard of her,” Deceit sneered.

Roman jumped, but relaxed quickly. Virgil ground his teeth.

“I thought it was Veronica? Or no wait, Vanessa?”

Virgil glared at them. “That’s never been my name,” he growled.

“Oh, my mistake!” Deceit laughed, daintily putting a hand to his chest. He smiled. “Violet.”

“Hahaha! She’s a girl!” Remus shrieked, pointing at Virgil. Roman just looked confused.

Virgil held himself back and closed his eyes. He inhaled, opened his eyes, turned around, and walked downstairs. He heard Patton humming in the kitchen and smiled.

He entered the kitchen and opened the pantry to grab some cereal.

“Hey Virge!”

Virgil smiled at him and sent him a two-finger salute. Patton let him get milk in his cereal and start eating before he spoke up.

“Honey, I think we need to talk about what happened with Deceit this morning.”

Virgil’s stomach nearly revolted. It’s fine, it’s fine, it’s no big deal. “Yeah? What about it?”

Patton sighed. “The way you spoke to Deceit… Is there something else going on?”

Virgil whipped his head towards the fatherly trait. He’d been expecting admonishment and chastising, a demand to go apologize to Deceit. Instead, Patton’s eyes were full of concern. “I… what?”

Patton tilted his head. “I know you have a longer history with the Dark Sides than we do, and it sounded like there were things that weren’t being said out loud.” At Virgil’s baffled expression, he continued. “You can trust me, sweetie. Is there something going on?”

Virgil stared at his cereal bowl, fighting back tears. He moved the cereal bits around with his spoon.

I can’t lie to Patton, he’s just trying to help.

Virgil decided to tell the truth. “I can’t say. I’m sorry.”

Patton sagged slightly at that. “Is Deceit stopping you?”

Virgil chewed on his lip. “No, it’s my own fucking fault.”

“Do you feel unsafe around us?”

Virgil jumped at the question. “No! I just,” Virgil’s voice choked off. “I can’t say,” he whispered brokenly.

“Oh sweetie, do you want a hug?” Patton asked.

“S-sorry, not right now.” The thought of Patton wrapping his arms around his body, especially without his binder, was too much.

“Okay baby, let me know. Is there anything I can do?”

“No. I’m sorry.” And with that Virgil broke. He dropped his spoon in his bowl and put his head in his hands, letting out the sobs he’d been holding in.

“Oh! Virgil, it’s okay! It’ll be okay!”

Virgil just shook his head.

“Would it be okay if I rubbed your back?”

Virgil nodded. He won’t be touching my front, that’s okay.

Patton immediately put a hand on Virgil’s back and began lovingly rubbing it.

“I w-want to s-s-say, but I c-c-can’t!!”

“Oh baby, I’m so sorry. It’ll be okay,” Patton soothed, confused but beginning to understand that something was going on between the Dark Sides and Virgil and it wasn’t anything good. For now, he focused on calming Virgil down enough so he could eat. Eventually, Virgil’s cries petered out.

Patton kept rubbing small circles into his kiddo’s back. “There you go. Feeling better?”

Virgil nodded and wiped his face on his sleeve. He smiled at Patton shyly. “Sorry ‘bout that. Just freaking out for no reason.”

Patton frowned. “It doesn’t sound like no reason.”

Virgil waved him off. “It’s fine Pat. I’m probably just hungry.”

Patton knew it wasn’t just hunger, but he also knew not to push the issue any more. He grabbed a bowl of cereal for himself and chatted with Virgil, trying to make him feel comfortable again. He was happy that by the end of the meal, Virgil was much more relaxed and didn’t seem like he was about to burst into tears. Virgil cleaned his dishes and and sent Patton a two-finger salute as he sank out. Patton let his face fall once Virgil was out of the kitchen. What is going on with my sweet boy?

/////

The Sides all rose up when Thomas summoned them for the next video. Virgil had his normal hoodie on and zipped up and prayed no one could tell that he wasn’t wearing a binder.

“Hey Virge! You cold?” Thomas asked.

Virgil nodded, Deceit giggling at the lie.

Thomas turned to the camera and started filming.

“What is up everybody?! Today, I’m dealing with an important topic: when to come out.”

Remus giggled. “Like Virgil! She-” Deceit elbowed him, cutting him off.

Thomas frowned in confusion at Remus. “I mean, yeah, he told me he was a Dark Side, and that’s what I wanted to address this video.”

Deceit summoned a bowl of popcorn and crunched loudly, making sure Virgil saw the shit-eating grin on his face. Remus just snacked on deodorant.

Virgil paled and felt cold all over. His heart was pounding and there was a lump in his throat. Thomas turned to him.

“Virgil, I… I just wanted to say that I was surprised, and I still love you. I don’t care that you were a Dark Side before. You’re working with me now, and with the others, and who you are now matters way more than who you thought you had to be in the past.”

Virgil was shocked. He felt tears springing to his eyes. “You… you really mean that?” he whispered, incredulous.

Thomas smiled. “Yeah, I do.”

Virgil sagged in relief and smiled, a single tear running down his cheek.

“That’s totally how I expected that was going to go,” Deceit complained.

Remus just threw his deodorant on the ground in frustration.

Thomas ignored them. “Do you want a hug Virge?”

Before Virgil could panic and make up an excuse, Remus started shrieking with laughter. “She can’t! Then you’ll feel her tits!”

Virgil felt all of the blood leave his body.

Thomas just tilted his head in confusion at Remus. “What?” He looked at Virgil. “Virge? What’s going on?”

Virgil started backing into the wall and hyperventilating, new kinds of tears making their way down his face.

He knows, he knows, he just got over me keeping one big secret from him, this is a coming out video, he’s going to find out, he’s going to hate me, they’re all going to hate me, they’re going to send me back to the Dark Side, he hates me, they hate me…

“Come now Virgil,” Deceit purred. Virgil jumped when he and Remus appeared in front of him on the landing. “Let’s be fully honest with our Host, that’s what he would want, isn’t that right?”

Remus and Deceit grabbed Virgil and started pulling down the zipper. He cried out and thrashed in their hold until they were pulled away. He didn’t notice who helped him, he just collapsed on the landing and curled into a defensive ball in the corner, shaking like a leaf and hyperventilating.

“Virgil? Can you hear me?”

Virgil flinched and whined at the proximity of Logan’s voice.

“I can’t, I don’t want to, please don’t make me, don’t hurt me, please…” he whimpered.

Everyone’s hearts shattered.

Patton came up to the landing and leaned against the steps. “It’s okay sweetie, no one’s going to hurt you, I promise. No one’s going to force you to do anything. Can you try to breathe with me baby?”

Virgil let out another cry but nodded. Patton counted with him, occasionally glancing back at the Dark Sides. Roman had the Dark Sides cornered, sword pointed directly at them, making sure they wouldn’t hurt Virgil. After almost twenty rounds of breathing exercises, Virgil’s muscles began to relax from the cramped position they were in.

Thomas knelt in front of the stairs. “Virge?” he began cautiously. “Are you okay? What happened?”

Virgil’s breath hitched. “I’m sorry Thomas.”

“Buddy, no! You got attacked and got scared.”

Deceit laughed. “That’s not all Thomas! Go on, tell our Host what else you’ve been lying about!”

Thomas frowned at Deceit and looked back at Virgil. “You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to. This… God, this has to be the worst time to be making a coming out video. Are you hurt at all?”

Remus laughed. “Awwwww, is the little girl hurt?”

“SILENCE!!” Roman roared.

Virgil flinched, staring at the Dark Sides with wide eyes.

“Virgil, hey look at me,” Thomas called softly. Virgil turned wide eyes to Thomas, the Host almost breaking at the tears he saw. “It’s okay buddy.”

Remus wasn’t done. “Take off her shirt!!”

Roman took a step towards them. “SO HELP ME GOD, I WILL RUN YOU THROUGH!!”

There must have been something in Roman’s expression, because the jeers stopped.

“Honey-” Patton began. He was cut off with a sharp inhale from Virgil as he laid a hand on the anxious Side’s back. He quickly withdrew his hand.

“I’m sorry baby! Are you hurt?”

Virgil sniffled. “N-not too bad.”

Thomas’ face twisted in anger, and the two Dark Sides sank out. Roman sheathed his sword after a moment and walked over to the stairs, worried about his anxious friend.

Logan spoke up. “Virgil, may I look at your wounds?”

“No!” he yelled, curling up defensively and hugging his hoodie closer to himself.

“I will respect your choices Virgil. However, I believe that it would be in your best interest to allow me to assess your injuries to ensure nothing else is going on and to help prevent infection.”

Virgil shook his head. “They’ve done worse, this is nothing, I’ll be fine.”

“They’ve done this before?!” Roman growled.

Virgil curled in on himself and nodded.

Patton shifted a little closer. “How have they hurt you in the past?”

Virgil’s breath hitched. “Th-they’ve beat the shit out of me when I changed my voice. I u-used to have a higher pitched voice and I didn’t like it. And when I changed how I dressed they beat me up for that too.”

“Oh Virge,” Patton breathed. “Do you know why they did it?”

“B-because…” Dammit, I’ve really got to say it, don’t I? “I-I’m a trans guy.” Once he started, he couldn’t seem to stop. “The D-Dark Sides h-hated me for it, s-said I w-w-was a girl, but I’m not! I swear I didn’t l-lie to you T-Thomas!! I just, w-with how you’d t-taken the news of me being o-one of them in the p-p-past, I was scared you’d m-m-make me go b-back to them and I c-c-can’t…” Virgil dissolved into tears, unable to form any more sentences.

Thomas jumped forward and hugged Virgil close to him. Virgil curled into his Host and cried.

“God, Virge, I’m so sorry. I’d never hate you for being trans! Whatever I did to make you think that, I’m so sorry. And if they’re hurting you, I’d never want you in that position.”

Thomas held Virgil until his cries petered out.

They deserve to know. “Th-they’d cut off m-my clothes.”

Thomas froze and tightened his arms.

“They what.” Patton said, voice flat with blinding fury.

“Th-they w-wouldn’t go farther th-than that!” Virgil added quickly. “They’d j-j-just cut off m-my clothes t-to try to p-prove I’m a girl. Th-that’s why I’m n-not w-wearing a b-b-binder today. Th-they cut up my l-last one with a knife a-and hurt m-my ribs.”

“Oh baby…”

Logan adjusted his necktie nervously. “I… Virgil, I am so sorry they hurt you. I believe I understand another reason you don’t want me to look at your injuries. May I ask you some questions instead?”

Virgil bit his lip and nodded, still curled against Thomas.

“Does it hurt to breathe?”

Virgil nodded, and Thomas loosened his grip slightly.

“On a scale of one to ten, how bad is your pain when you breathe?”

“Um, like a 5? It’s not too bad.”

“I am glad to hear that. Are you experiencing any difficulty breathing?”

“Not really, no?”

“Alright. Let me know if you do. Would you consent to stay with one of us for a few nights until we’re certain there aren’t any other ill-effects?”

“Y-you don’t mind?”

Roman frowned and tilted his head. “Why would we mind?”

“…I dunno.”

Logan sighed. “We want to help you Virgil. Please tell us what is bothering you.”

Virgil hid his face in Thomas’ chest, muffling his words. “They s-said I was gross.”

Roman actually snarled while Patton gasped and Logan and Thomas’ faces hardened.

Thomas closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He opened them and kissed the top of Virgil’s head as he held the trembling man.

“You’re not gross Virge.”

“Y-you’re just saying that.”

Logan hesitantly placed a hand on Virgil’s shoulder. “Virgil, I am not one to mince feelings.” Virgil huffed a laugh at that. “You are objectively not “gross.” Remus and Deceit are wrong.”

Virgil lifted his head and looked at Logan. “Promise?”

“I promise.”

Virgil relaxed against Thomas. “Can I… Can I wear my old stuff until my ribs heal? That hoodie’s bigger, it helps with… yeah.”

“Of course you can kiddo!” Patton rushed out. “If it makes you feel better, go for it!”

Virgil frowned and looked at the Light Sides and Thomas suspiciously. “You’re all taking this… really well,” he said slowly. “I’m the only one like this. Not even one of the other Dark Sides is like this. Aren’t you freaked out?”

“Kiddo, no!”

“One’s gender would never make me forsake them!”

“You identify as a man, therefore you are a man.”

Thomas hadn’t spoken yet, and Virgil felt tears in his eyes.

“Virgil, buddy,” Thomas began. “I… I fucked up, didn’t I?” Thomas’ voice grew thick with tears. “I somehow made you think I think less of trans people.” Thomas buried his face in Virgil’s hair to hide his tears. “I-I’m sorry I ever made you feel that way. I promise I’d never think any less of you. You’re still my facet, my Virgil, and this is just one cool thing about you.”

Virgil pressed into Thomas. “I don’t know why I had to manifest this way. There’s no reason for it!”

Thomas rubbed Virgil’s arm. “We may never know why, and that’s okay. We don’t need to in order to accept you and love you.”

Virgil closed his eyes, exhausted. “Thank you, Thomas. I shouldn’t have doubted you.”

Thomas squeezed Virgil as tightly as he dared. “You were scared.” Thomas smiled before he sang. “It’s okay. We’re your best pals!”

Virgil snorted. “Dork.”

“Damn gay.”

“Don’t you mean- oh, I get it.”

Patton and Thomas giggled.

Roman stepped closer. “Virgil, would you like to stay in my room tonight? The bed’s big enough to fit all of us.”

Virgil looked up at Roman and smiled. “Sure Princey.”

Later that evening, when Virgil is surrounded by the Light Sides, he smiles to himself.

The Light Sides might be clueless morons, but I guess I could get used to this.

[franeridart]

Did you know @boku-no-headcanons made cannons for your bakushimanari art?

Nope, this is the first I heard of it! But as long as they’re not reposting my stuff they can do whatever, I’m happy my stuff can inspire them! 

Anon said: saw u in youtube rewind congrats

.................. are you sure this ask was meant for me?

Anon said:I tried to message you, I found some accounts using your art if you're interested in knowing who they are :/ 

Anon said:@sweetheart_kirishima on instagram posted your art without credit.

Unless it’s tumblr, which has a form I can fill specifically for reposts to have the thing taken down, I can’t actually do anything even if you guys tell me. It’s... frustrating, cause you’d think by this point such popular social media sites/apps would have some way for preventing art thefts, but they got no report option that can be used for art unless I’m the copyright owner - does that apply to fanarts when the characters aren’t mine and I wasn’t authorized by the original author to make them? Probably not. So I can’t do anything for it, not even ask the reposter to be kind and take my art down, cause as I’ve already said I’m not on any of those platforms

So I thank you both a lot for having thought about letting me know, but it’s... sort of useless. If you could ask the reposter on my behalf though I’d be incredibly grateful!

Anon said: your kiribaku childhood friends au give me life tHANK YOU

YOU’RE WELCOME THANK YOU FOR LIKING IT!!!

Anon said: Kiri kind of reminds me of Dave with his hair like that! (They would look great together now i think about it haha) I love you and your art, I hope you enjoy creating it as much as i like to look at it :) xx

Thank you!!!!! And yeah, the mohawk is still a mohawk after all isn’t it haha Dav’s is less tidy tho, cause he’s a s l o b (not really)

Anon said:yknow how people have hunkspirations to get fit? your art is my hunkspiration to draw

That’s so nice!!! holy smokes!!!!! I hope your arting is going great, anon!!!

Anon said:the new chapter has me crying over bakukami omfg these lo s e RS I'm so glad they're friends

WHAT A MOOD THO

Anon said:HELLO, YES, I'D LIKE MY HEART BACK PLEASE BECAUSE YOU JUST WRECKED IT WITH YOUR CHILDHOOD FRIENDS AU. Kiri is so pretty in it, like oh wow, and Bakugou's brilliant and I LOVE IT. (Also 'manly shit' and 'Katsu,' just slay me now so this happiness never fades).

Ahhhhhh I’m happy you liked it!!!!!!!! And yah Kiri calling Bakugou Katsu is a weakness of mine, did you know that? Maybe you noticed since I always have him do that haha it’s cause it’s written with the kanji for victory! Isn’t that a manly nickname? I like to think Kiri would like it for that haha

Anon said: I love how often (from reading the tags on your art) it's like "oops my hand slipped and now you get some krbk instead of something else" lol

It does happen incredibly often! By now they’re so comfortable to draw for me that I end up drawing them without even realizing haha that’s what happens when you spend a year and a half drawing always the same two kids lol

Anon said:Ah Fran I love your glasses Bakugou so much! Ever since Kami added those shades to his hero costume it has me convinced he'd be so ridiculously cute in glasses too! I hope you enjoy that adorable mental image :)

You mean Kami? He sure would! Kiri would too! Sero also!!! MINA TOO!!!!! Actually we have canon Mina with glasses I think

yup, what a beauty haha

Anon said:Your kiribaku childhood AU killed me! I just wanted to ask: in your opinion if Kiri&Baku met in middle school do you think they’d be friends? Baku has a habit of rejecting anyone who’s “weaker” than him &seeing how kiri was do you think they’d be friends? Or Baku not noticing kiri until he’s his equal?Or maybe having a crush on the cute black haired kid but never doing anything about it? Baku Rejecting kiri if he tried to confess to him?Sorry this is long but I just love your perception of them!

Whether they’d like each other/get along would depends on at which point and in which way they’d meet, I guess! Middle school was a complicated period for both of them, so it really depends - a few examples of how it could go are

they meet cause they frequent the same middle school - that implies they meet during the first year, when Bakugou was still full on bully/cocky asshole. Kirishima probably wouldn’t like him much because of it, would try to fight him. Bakugou might find him annoying/get pissed at how he thinks himself good enough to fight him. Definitely wouldn’t get along at first, might change their minds as they get to know each other or just keep on having a shitty relationship forever. I find more beliavable the first, since they do have really compatible personalities, but Bakugou was really convinced of his position as above everyone else back then and Kirishima would have never let him act like he was better than him without putting up a fight, so maybe not. Might actually fuck up their relationship in highschool too, really

they frequent different middle school, but happen to see each other outside of school before the sludge incident - if they were to meet cause Kirishima got in the middle of Bakugou bullying Deku, not much would change from option one. But if they were to meet for unrelated reasons, they could get along - Kirishima might think Bakugou manly, Bakugou might appreciate Kirishima’s guts (as long as Kiri doesn’t try to fight him). At first the relationship would definitely be unbalanced, because Kirishima would have no way of proving to Bakugou he’s at his same level since he wouldn’t be, but with time this might change. I can see Kirishima throwing himself at random bullies and Bakugou sighing and sometimes waiting for Kirishima to get his ass beat so maybe he’ll learn while other times lazily strolling up till he’s standing next to Kirishima to scare the bullies away. Bakugou’s... Bakugouness might do something to Kirishima’s self-esteem and could have him have his breakdown sooner, but by that point Bakugou might like him enough to do something about it. Or not. He’s still a cocky and self-centered ass at this point, after all. Kirishima’s presence might help with his bullying habit. Or not. Again, still an egoistical and egocentrical fucker at that point. Worse comes to worst, their relationship starts becoming more equal after the sludge incident/kiri seeing gigantomachia

they frequent different middle schools, but meet outside of school after the sludge incident but before kiri sees gigantomachia - this is probably my favorite one as far as them meeting in middle school goes. Bakugou at this point is questioning if he’s actually as strong as he always assumed he was, starting to feel like he needs to prove his worth to the world and himself, while Kirishima is still convinced he’s plain and weak, too scared to actually voice his dreams, but still tries to do his best and help those in need in front of him. If they were to meet at this point, Bakugou might actually find something to admire in Kirishima, find strength in him even - with the down-to-earth optimism and practical positivity, aware of reality but working to fix what he can, not letting circumstances and defeats bring him down. It might help Bakugou put into perspective the sludge incident, instead of just dwelling on it till it became a bomb ready to explode. Kiri would find Bakugou manly and cool, just like in canon, and they’d be able to build a relationship on equal grounds - Kirishima might even open up to him about how he wishes to try for UA, but he’s nearly sure he’s gonna fail. Bakugou might tell him that as he is right now he’s gonna fail for sure. He might also tell him that a quirk is like a muscle, and muscles get stronger if you train them, so just fucking stop wasting time and train yourself till your quirk is worth something, for fuck sake. By the time the event of Kiri’s backstory roll around, Bakugou might actually be there to hold Kirishima up and not let him go through it by himself. I dunno about crushes, but I do love this scenario and the relationship they’d end up having because of it

they frequent different schools, meet after Kirishima’s meeting with gigantomachia - there wouldn’t be many differences compared to the canon version of their meeting, I think. Bakugou might be a little more subdued, maybe, but generally it’d be the same.

these are just real general cathegories, depending on how the meeting unfolds anything might happen so really, who knows - there’s too many possibilities to be sure of anything, really haha

Anon said:fran ur art its so cute ty for posting it!!! also i just wanna say i think your art has improved so much since i started to follow you!! the first drawings of yours i saw were your old aokaga and i think really youve improved a lot!! (not that you were bad at first but your style has evolved?? idk a good word for it but its not meant as a Bad thing)

Lmao no anon, don’t worry, I was really, really bad back then. It was like, super terrible. I’m glad you think I’ve improved though!!!! This sort of asks mean a whole damn lot to me, make it worth keeping on drawing haha thank you!!

Anon said:i gotta admit, after checking out sero's quirk i can only think: pranks. esp with the double-sided tape trick

Have you ever seen this comic holy fuck hahaha

Anon said:i read that fic by newamsterdam a while back and can't stop thinking about it!!!!

Best fic I’m following at the moment honestly!!!

Anon said:Hi I love your art! It's absolutely amazing and your comics are SO cute!! I hope you have a wonderful day!~

THANK YOU!!!! I hope you’ll have a super wonderful day too!!!!

Anon said:your kirbaku/bakushima is just so nice and lovely??? and your art style is great adorable??? gdfljwblk thenks for mi life

You’re SO SWEET!!!! Thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *holds*

Anon said:The line work in your drawings lately is looking even smoother and more refined than before! :)

.....................I actually feel like I’m getting super effin sloppy so??? I guess hearing this feels good???? Like oh I’m not actually as much of a mess as I thought haha thank you for the compliment!!!! :D

Anon said:Do you think Bakugou would ever say babe or other sweet nicknames?

Yah I think so. Like, not all nicknames, like “honey” probably never or “sweetheart” highly umprobable, but babe or gorgeous/handsome/beautiful or love, I can see him using those! Mostly cause Mitsuki’s personality was obviously based on Bakugou and she calls Masaru “dear”, so I think Bakugou does have the... predisposition for it, let’s say it like that haha he might more whisper them/keep them private, but I do think he’d use them~

Anon said:You're so good at emitting moods/vibes through your art?? Like, every single time you just... Idk what kind of magic you... I love you??? You turn me to putty Fran.

sob this is such a nice ask oh my god, thank you so much!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anon said:Everytime I see your art on my dash it makes me smile, there's something inherently cheerful about your art style. Love it

THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!! That’s the best think I could have ever been told about my style, I’m super glad you see it like this!!!! 

Anon said:omg you don't understand how much i love your art !!! i mean i check you blog everyday to see if you posted something and when you do i'm always so happy, it put me in a good mood everytime i don't know how you do it but i love it !!!! also the way you draw smiles is so cute :D

THANK YOU LOTS OH MY GOD!!!!!! AHHH!!!! making people smile is the best thing ever!!! I’m!!!!!!!!!! happy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D now I’m smiling hahaha

Anon said:how does... is... clothing folds?!?!

B o y anon I’m terribly sorry but........... the horrible secret is that I don’t know what the hell I’m doing when I draw clothes’ folds. Like, at all. All I keep in mind while going at it is that gravity is a thing and clothes are affected by it too, and that’s about it ;;; I’m incredibly sorry, but I’m pretty sure someone that actually knows what they’re doing would look at my stuff and see a lot of mistakes, so maybe it’s best if I don’t give tips about this to anyone, least I spread more misinformation than anything else orz I’m sure there’s good tutorials for it around, tho!!

Anon said:Will we ever see more comics of the poly au with bokuto, kuroo and terushima? I binged those comics and LOVED it

Probably not, sorry orz posting for hq lately is... making me sad, in the long run, so hq comics might not come around for a long time, from me. Too much time I should spend on them. Dunno about simple art tho, it’s a maybe for that! And thank you for liking the series!!!!

Anon said:As soon as I saw u added the kekkai sensen art sticker to redbubble I bought it omg bless 💕

THANK YOU SO MUCH HOLY HECK!!!!

Anon said:any chance we could expect more of kirishima's shy senpai? absolutely no pressure! i'm honestly just curious since you seemed fond of him a while back. :)

And I still am! I’ll for sure draw more of him soon enough, don’t worry!

Anon said:I'm sooo sad :'( I wanted to buy a mobile case from you but it's just for iPhone.... I love you art so much *-*

There’s for both iPhones and Samsung, actually! But if you have another brand then it’s no good ;;; sorry ;;;;;;;;;;;;

[diabolicalworldwriter]

Tagged by @aelin-ashryver-galathynius. Thank so much I’ve honestly wanted to do one of these since finding out they were a thing! so this is an exciting moment lol.

1. what do you like to be called name-wise? My name’s Karina tho I mostly just go by Chich as a nickname among friends. call me either one! (If you have special privileges, Loser, Chbich, Trash and a few others I won’t name are also options lol)

2. when is your birthday? December 15. (so it’s coming up soon. excited to not be the same age and finally have the family privileges of a older than fifteen year old ngl)

3. where do you live? haha creep. in a pineapple under the sea. (i’m kidding, in the USA tho I’m hoping to move to another part of it with my sister in the next year or two.)

4. three things you are doing right now? you assume I can multitask. if you mean right now right now, I’m breathing, typing and watching my brother attempt to antagonize Haikubot on my Discord notifications. if you mean like projects, I have like twenty unfinished books and art pieces and a few friends and I are attempting to make a video game. so that’s pretty fun.

5. Four fandoms that have piqued your interest? welp. I post a lot about the cosmere. um. Shoot I’m really indecisive..... I like Marissa Meyer’s books a lot (and also there are such sweet people in the TLC fandom), I’ve probably liked about a thousand Miraculous Ladybug posts (they’re so cute tho...) so that one... crap. Percy Jackson. 

6. how has the pandemic been treating you? *smiles emptily but also cries in idk if this is the reason my depression got thirty times worse or not but here we are.*

7. a song you can’t stop listening to right now? does Kay’s rendition of I’ll make spearmen out of you count? for the moment, I’ve listened to Soldatino by Paola Bennet like fifty times and I still get Nico feels. My sweet gay emo child...

8. recommend a movie? hmmm. I really like the Emperor’s new groove, it’s beautifully bizarre. 

9. how old are you? 15 years old but only for less than a month and then I get to be not that lol.

10. school, university, occupation or other? Homeschooled though I’ll pretend that writing trashy stories that I’m too depressed to finish and drawing random art is a job. I also work with a teen health/suicide prevention group which is pretty good. all the members are depressed and trying to not be by making others happy cause we’re like that.

11. do you prefer heat or cold? cold. I don’t like the heat. at least I can bundle up and drink hot cocoa and soup and eventually I’ll go numb and die. :)

12. name one fact others may not know about you. depends on what others. How about If I want to suffer I can put both my legs behind my head (or, one leg behind my head and the other behind that leg’s foot) before remembering I have a somewhat effed up spine? (don’t quote me on that, who knows how long I’ll keep being able to)

13. are you shy? not unless I’m around something living. Or dead. basically if we ever meet in person expect me to be under a table or in a dark corner and I’ll only say something if I think I desperately need to or get called out.

14. preferred pronouns? she/her

15. biggest pet peeves? human beings in general I don’t like parents or siblings invading my room, I don’t like when my family leaves out all the food or milk so I end up putting it away... people who give me a schedule last minute and expect me to be good with that really pisses me off ngl and I really don’t like people putting their dirty hands or feet on me stuff I guess. idk. I usually just suck it up and deal with stuff tho cause I can’t really change it without being not a doormat.

16. what is your favorite “-dere” type? *pulls up google in a moment of dumbness cuz... what* hahaha idk??? google why did you confuse me more

17. rate your life from 1 to 10, 1 being crappy and 10 being the best it could be. hmm. don’t want to disrespect my demons... I’m really bad at rating things. mmm. let’s go with 5 with a side of breakdowns, guilt issues and overreactions. 

18. what’s your main blog? You’re looking at it.

19. list your sideblogs and what they’re used for. I’ve been on Tumblr since like late September I think. I haven’t started any other blogs yet so... “Wow! I use @diabolicalworldwriter as a multi-fandom blog, @diabolicalworldwriter for random trash and @diabolicalworldwriter for... whatever other thing I feel like.” I’ll probably get another one if I ever get a book published so I can put my author crap there and not pollute this place of my fandoms.

20. Is there something people need to know about you before become friends? other than the fact that it’s not gonna last long, they’ll regret it, I have some slightly excessive guilt issues, am awkward AF and if I ever start talking I’ll overshare? none at all my dude.

Tagging @cerenoya and @silvermagpie0 I guess? Any of my followers who want to, feel open to do so as well. have at it.

[sobermaria]

An open letter for that boy who broke my heart

It has been a awhile since I have written a blog and I again have that cringe feeling on typing my own thoughts and what runs in my mind but bear with me in this one because I think this blog is gonna be one of those thoughts that I am scared of writing because it is a topic I had always tried to ignore and steer away from because I don’t have the guts to post it because someone might read it and I am embarrassed that someone might actually read this but hey if someone would read this then I am confident to say that I am not gonna feel embarrassed  if you happen to read this so no worries haha. I am the type of writer that actually have the courage to write about something when I know that I am finally over with it. Things that I am ready to move forward to. As I am writing this now I am sure that if the person I dedicated this entry might read this, I have no regrets because I can say that finally this is just gonna be a good old memory in a form of a tumblr blog entry. So here it goes...

An open letter for that boy who broke my heart:

Hey you, how are you doing? How’s life? Hope your doing worst hahaha just kidding but you know well that jokes are half meant. First of all, I am not typing this and posting this here to get your attention whatsoever so don’t get too full on yourself. Its been like what two years since we split up? It seems like a long time isn’t it? I met you when I was 17, you were there when I turned 18 and left me the same age and now I’ll soon turn 20. Time really flies. I could clearly remember how fucked up I am the day you broke up with me. I am so upset I drowned myself in alcohol all by myself and hopped to two different bars then puked my lungs out but I bet you didn’t know that. You texted me to stop drinking and maybe you knew I was drunk but what you didn’t knew is how drunk I got. I got so drunk that the waitresses in the bar needed to escort me outside and help me find a vehicle to take me home and I was lucky I got home safe and the driver didn’t try to harass me hahaha I actually smile every time I remember that night how hurt I am that I am crying while drinking and the waiters and waitresses look at me with pity but never did I felt an ounce of pity to myself. I guess that is what love does to people. Love sometimes get the best of you and eats you alive. But hey that is just a very good memory of mine. At least the next time I get my heart broken, I would cry a little less right? My parents are waiting for me when I got home. They didn’t knew I was drunk nor I was heart broken. I slept crying. And many more nights I cried for the same reason. Sometimes I wonder if you cried for me too? Probably not. But if you did I’m sorry I made you cry. For months after that I still feel the pain. I stalk you the whole day on social media every day and telling my friends that I already moved on from you even though the truth is I always taught of chatting you and beg you to come back to me which I successfully prevented myself from doing (hoorayyy) I always thought that I will never get over you and the pain our love caused to me. I fell on a really dark place and I never told anyone about how I really felt. And up until this moment I wonder why I even felt that miserable. Maybe because I think I am broken and you can fix me but the thing is we should never rely on other people to fill a void within ourselves nor fix us because we will just end up ruining ourselves more and feel more empty. If I could turn back time I would still want to fall in love with you. But I would just keep it to myself and not go and pursue you. If there is one thing I got scared after falling in love with you is it is taking risks. I always take risks before you and you are a risk I had taken and you are the risk that broke the part of me that dares to take risks. You remove my passion to take risks and I don’t fully blame you for that. I too am the reason why I got hurt myself. I just wished your a risk I didn’t dare to take. I am not afraid of falling in love again it is the risk of feeling pain that is I am afraid of but bummer because love and pain is a duo right? hahaha anyways I really wish you are doing great because I could finally say that I am doing great myself. I actually feel happy and feel light as air while typing this. It is like I feel like I am telling a story to you like that one time we talked to each other about random stuffs to get to know each other when our period at class is vacant and we didn’t notice time and you said that you need to go home because your friends wait for you. I bet you already forgot that and maybe you even forgot about me but hey I guess its for the better right? All I wanna say is I am happy to write something special about someone who was once special to me. I wish you well and all the good things in life. And hey if you ever thought that I didn’t love you or never loved you at all, I just wanted you to know that the moment I saw you, I wanted you to be mine and I had you and having you made me feel like a real woman who is capable of falling in love and yes, you are the risk I wished I didn’t take but you are the best mistake I ever committed with. 

Sincerely,

Angelika

P.S.

This is all platonic now, no feelings involve and I could finally say I loved you and you hurt me but I learned a lot in that small time you were a part of my life. Thank you for being a part of it and a part of me. Let’s both be happy and move forward. :)

[owly-sims]

Re-re-re-replies!

My Supernova queue ends in eight days! Eep! I’m trying to finish up a random legacy chapter today (more likely, tomorrow) before I start working on another issue, but I might revert to some gameplay stuff in my queue soon-ish.

Anyway, replies!

rosiesimming replied to your photo “previous | next[[MOR] Syne: Have you heard of the Fermi Paradox?...”

I feel so smart. I actually know who Fermi is...from watching a YouTube video about over analyzing Mario Maker. I need to get out more...

You are so smart! Plus, I heard about it on an episode of This American Life, which I listen to in lieu of actual human interaction so I’m no better. ;)

simblu replied to your photo “previous | next[[MOR] Syne: Some human scientists hypothesize that...”

I'm sure this is not what Nova wants to hear

No, not at all--it’s definitely foreboding, right?

futurecarrie replied to your photo “previous | next[[MOR] Syne: Have you heard of the Fermi Paradox?...”

I feel like I've heard of that too but I dunno where, like it's ringing a bell? Maybe someone mentioned it and I was zoned out (that happens often)? Anyway, Syne seems really up herself here. Slap her Nova! Slap her! Fight! Fight! Fight!

Possibly astronomy class, if you ever took one? I think my astronomy prof in college alluded to it but never discussed it fully. Also, why can’t Nova solve things peacefully?

nornities replied to your post “A quick reply–I have a bunch more to do but I’m in the process of...”

Amazing, thank you! Also, why no coffee? This sounds dead serious!

willky12 replied to your post “A quick reply–I have a bunch more to do but I’m in the process of...”

Why quit coffee? So many health benefits ;)

It keeps me up at night, my family has a history of heart failure (which caffeine can exacerbate), and apparently it can make anxiety worse?? So I decided nothing bad can happen from giving it up, maybe.

declarations-of-drama replied to your post “A quick reply–I have a bunch more to do but I’m in the process of...”

Also - Caffeine is good for your digestive system so I read - especially coffee which is colon friendly - or something.

The colon thing is apparently true, according to my mom’s doctor. She had colon cancer a few years ago and after the surgery to remove the tumorous part, her doctor recommended having a cup of coffee each day because apparently that’s been linked to preventing tumors.

declarations-of-drama replied to your post “A quick reply–I have a bunch more to do but I’m in the process of...”

Brilliant! Thank You!!!

Np! Please let me know if I need to clarify any steps. i wrote that while suffering a headache so I’m afraid it’s unclear.

lifeasasim replied to your photo “previous | next[[MOR] Syne: We are a benevolent species, Nova Bee,...”

She's my hero already ��

nornities replied to your photo “previous | next[[MOR] THE FALLING STAR CONFERENCE ROOM Nova: I’m on…...”

I really like her :D

I’m glad you guys like her. <3 She’s always been one of my favorite sims, though she was just laying around on my hardrive for years before I decided to write about her.

declarations-of-drama replied to your photo

“previous | next[[MOR] Syne: We are a benevolent species, Nova Bee,...”

OMG I lol's so hard at her sarcasm! :D

simblu replied to your photo “previous | next[[MOR] THE FALLING STAR CONFERENCE ROOM Nova: I’m on…...”

Love her snark

Me too! Nova is me if I was unafraid to say exactly what I was thinking (although she’s also braver and in better shape than I am XD)

lifeasasim replied to your photo “previous | next[[MOR] THE FALLING STAR CONFERENCE ROOM Nova: I’m on…...”

Ahahahaha

declarations-of-drama replied to your photo “previous | next[[MOR] THE FALLING STAR CONFERENCE ROOM Nova: I’m on…...”

She's pushing them tho! lololol

They’re gonna snap on her, and it’s gonna be kinda warranted. XD

declarations-of-drama replied to your photo

“previous | next[[MOR] Tarkav: Follow me. Syne  & Nirub’et: (speaking...”

Clever how you did that with the Alien language!

Thanks! I *know* I stole that from another comic, but I can’t say which one (a lot, probably)

holycannolis replied to your photo

“previous | next[[MOR] Nova: How did you– Syne: Know your name? We...”

She's so funny and grumpy! ❤

Grumpy is the perfect way to describe her--she doesn’t even have that trait, but I should give it to her!

twinsimskeletons replied to your photo “previous | next”

Okay this is SO COOL AGAIN

lifeasasim replied to your photo “previous | next”

Lovely editing! ����������

futurecarrie replied to your photo “previous | next”

Woaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah this is a cool picture

willky12 replied to your photo “previous | next”

I love this image!

declarations-of-drama replied to your photo “previous | next”

This looks amazing!

rosiesimming replied to your photo “previous | next”

Ooo, very nice cover! I'm excited!

Thanks everyone! That cover was 90% an accident--Syne wasn’t supposed to be see-through until I messed around with blending layers. I’m very happy with that accident, though! :D

twinsimskeletons replied to your post “Supernova Replies, etc.”

bloody avocado

If you’re eating it with blood maybe that’s why you don’t like it? It’s not supposed to be bloody, friend. (:

twinsimskeletons replied to your photo “previous | next[[MOR] Alex: I located the target, and confirmed her...”

WHAT A FUCKING DICK

lifeasasim replied to your photo “previous | next[[MOR] Alex: I located the target, and confirmed her...”

Oh hell no :-O

Right?? Let’s hope Alex gets his comeuppance! 

willky12 replied to your post “Quick Tag replies”

Omg <b><i>hákarl! I have seen people on TV eat it and they almost always throw up hahaha! Yes, lets met darling and share some <b><i>hákarl ;D As for Capybara's, my most favourite of all animals, I would even consider moving to South American so I could live where they run wild and I could just watch them all day, no animal is as enchanting to me XD</i></b></i></b>

There actually used to be a moderately famous capybara in Austin, TX for awhile. I think his name was Captain ROUS, and he was somebody’s pet. My sister desperately wants a pet capy but I imagine they can’t be too happy in captivity?

goatkibble replied to your post “Quick Tag replies”

I sincerely doubt you will be eating much of the Harkal. Your morals should be fairly safe XDDD

Yeah, I’ve read it’s FOUL. But I still want to try a bite (which I will likely then spit out)

[nightsnaps]

All 117 for the latest questions post you shared! ^~^

this took me awhile & has been sitting in my drafts HAHAH full answer under the cut

1: Let’s start with a tricky one; what is the real reason you are confused right now? I’m confused bc this guy I’m crushing on keeps sending me mixed signals

2: Do you ever get “good morning” texts from anyone? sometimes from my mom. lol

3: If your significant other smoked pot, would you care? I would never have an SO who smoked pot so if they picked it up, I can definitely say I would care. 

4: Do you find it easy to trust others? YES. perhaps too easy? I always end up getting myself into trouble because I trust other people haha

5: What were you doing at 11PM last night? Studying for a linguistics morphology quiz. 

6: You’re drunk and lost walking down the road; who is with you? probably my best friend Nicki

7: What would you do if you found out you had been cheated on? depends on the situation… 

8: Are you close with your dad? YES he’s one of my best friends

9: I bet you kissed someone last night, right? HAHAHA no

10: What are you listening to? my roommate folding laundry & miscellaneous late afternoon sounds outside

11: You can only drink ONE liquid for the rest of your life - what is it? green tea

12: Do you like hickeys? not particularly. If your only skill is sucking on my skin, you need to branch out lol

13: What time do you go to bed? normally around 11:30

14: Is there someone who continuously lets you down? myself

15: Can you text as quickly with one hand as you do both? nope. my right hand is faster but still not AS fast

16: Do you always answer your texts? I try to 

17: Do you hate the person you fell the hardest for? not at all, even though I broke up with him. He was one of the greatest blessings. 

18: When was the last time you talked to one of your best friends? today

19: Is there someone that makes you happy every time you see them? I am blessed to say many people!

20: What was your last thought before you went to bed last night? I was probably thinking about linguistics tbh

21: Is anyone else in the room with you? my roommate erika & my other roommate molly

22: Do you believe what goes around comes around? in some form or another

23: Were you happier four months ago than you are now? about the same, i think. I’m generally a pretty content person. 

24: Is there someone you wish you could fix things with? my high school ex

25: In the past week, have you cried? probably. I cry so much hahaha

26: What colour is the shirt you are wearing? gray

27: Do people ever call you by your last name? sometimes bc my first name is so popular

28: Is anyone ignoring you right now? mmmmm… one of my exes. he sucks. good riddance. 

29: Do you have a best friend? yes 

30: Would it be hard seeing someone else kiss the last person you kissed? well it’s already happened & it’s chill so i guess not

31: Who was your last call/text message from? my friend emily

32: Are you mad at anyone? myself for my lack of focus

33: Have you ever kissed someone older than you? ¾ people I’ve kissed have been older, yes. 

34: How old will the last person you kissed be on his/her next birthday? 22. But he just turned 21 last week. so

35: How many more days until your birthday? 334 days until I can legally consume alcohol WHATTUP

36: Do you have any summer plans yet? Yes! I’m a lead counselor at a theater camp. Also probably two other jobs besides that bc I have zero chill

37: Do you have any good friends of the opposite sex? many! & I love them

38: Are you keeping anything from your best friend(s) now? Nope. I’m not a very secretive person at all. 

39: Do you have a secret that you’ve never told anyone? I don’t think so

40: Have you ever regretted kissing someone? After the fact but never at the time

41: Do you think age matters in relationships? I think you can’t have a mature relationship until you’ve grown up a lot, but that happens at a different age for everybody

42: Are you available? physically, yes. but I am really enjoying being single so maybe not emotionally right now haha

43: How many people have you had real, strong feelings for since high school ended? 3

44: If you had to get a piercing (not ears), what would you get? nothing. I don’t even have my ears pierced lol 

45: Do you believe exes can be friends? absolutely, although in order for that to happen there had to be some basis of friendship before the relationship started. 

46: Do you regret anything? Sometimes I jump to conclusions and make decisions off of my emotions rather than logic, and there have been times where I’ve hurt people because of that. So I regret those times.

47: Honestly, what’s on your mind right now? Who I’m going to go with to formal haha

48: Did you ever lose a best friend? We’ve certainly drifted apart, but I think every one of my best friends & I are still on speaking terms & I know I could call them up anytime if I needed them. I hope the feeling’s mutual

49: Was your last kiss a mistake? nope but it having been 5 months since it happened is driving me crazy lol

50: Why aren’t you pursuing the person you like? Because I need to find a person to like first HAHA but also bc my crush never hit like level... so it’s fading slightly. also he’s not interested, as far as I can tell. 

51: Has the last person you kissed ever seen you cry? has he ever seen me not cry is the question

52: Do you still talk with the person you LAST kissed? I can, but I usually don’t. He has a new girlfriend

53: What was the last thing you ate? a smoked salmon bagel

54: Did you get any compliments today? not yet but the day is young. lol

55: Where are you going on your next vacation? Yosemite national park

56: Do you own anything from other countries? I have a lot of Mexican Blankets, a scarf from London, postcards from Tasmania & Spain, a sweatshirt from Canada. Probably some other things idk

57: Are most of your friend guys or girls? A good mix of both

58: Where have you lived most of your life? California

59: When was the last time you took a long drive? my last roadtrip down to school about a month ago

60: Have you ever played Spin the Bottle? no but I would if it was people who weren’t awkward hahaha

61: Have you ever TPd someone’s house? only a thousand times HAHA

62: Who do you text the most? probably my friends courtney, emily, or my mom

63: What was the last movie you saw? How to lose a guy in 10 days

64: What’s preventing your current boyfriend/girlfriend from going back to their ex? nothing bc I don’t have one hahaha

65: How many boyfriends/girlfriends did you have in 2011? a grand total of 0

66: Is the last person you kissed younger than you? no

67: Do you curse around your parents? if I feel like it. we have a very open relationship

68: Are you happy with where you live? for the most part. I want to travel though

69: Picture of yourself? check out my tagged/me tag

70: Are you a monogamous person or do you believe in open-ended relationships? monogamous

71: Have you ever been dumped? no

72: What do you most like about making out? someone’s hands all over me. kissing is fun but I just like the closeness even more

73: Have you ever casually made out with someone who you weren’t seriously involved with? ...... well. yes. 

74: When you kiss someone for the first time, is it usually you who initiates it or the other? it’s always mutual or the other initiating 

75: What part of a person’s body do you find most attractive? a nice smile

76: Who was the last person you talked to last night before you went to bed? my friend Gabe

77: Had sex with someone you knew less than an hour? no

78: Had sex with someone you didn’t know their name? no

79: What makes your heart flutter and brings a big cheesy smile to your face? quick wit, handsome boys playing with kids, handsome boys playing with PUPPIES

80: Would you get involved with someone if they had a child already? probably not

81: Has someone who had a crush on you ever confessed to you? yes

82: Do you tell a lot of people when you have a crush? depends on how deep I’m in lol

83: Do you miss your last sweetie? I miss having him as my buddy but not as my boyfriend

84: Last time you slow danced with someone? last month

85: Have you ever ‘dated’ someone you’ve never met? no

86: How can I win your heart? by being completely & unapologetically yourself & by not playing games with me

87: What is your astrological sign? capricorn but I identify 100% with gemini 

88: What were you doing last night at 12 AM? dutch blitz tournament

89: Do you cook? when I have the time

90: Have you ever gotten back in touch with an old flame after a time of more than 3 months of no communication? back in touch yes, back together no

91: If you’re single right now, do you wish you were in a relationship? I don’t really. I get wistful when I see other couples sometimes but wholly I’m very happy on my own 

92: Do you prefer to date various people or do you pretty much fall into monogamous relationships quickly? I’m a serial monogamist but I wouldn’t mind dating casually, I think. Boys are sometimes just too chicken to go for it haha

93: What physical traits do you look for in a potential interest? funny, genuine, intelligent, adventurous, honest, Christian

94: Name four things that you wish you had! flawless skin, a million dollars, a golden retriever puppy, a beach house

95: Are you a player? I enjoy flirting but I don’t play with people’s feelings, I don’t think anyway

96: Have you ever kissed 2 people in one day? Nope

97: Are you a tease? depends who you ask lol

98: Ever meet anyone you met on Tumblr? no, although I am mutuals with a lot of my real-life buddies 

99: Have you ever been deeply in love with someone? I don’t know. probably not, if I don’t know. hahaha

100: Anybody on Tumblr that you’d go on a date with? sure

101: Hugs or Kisses? hugs

102: Are you too shy to ask someone out? If I’m really invested in the outcome then yes but if it’s casual then I don’t care

103: The first thing you notice about the opposite sex? their eyes, teeth, and skin

104: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you babe? yes but not baby. gag

105: If a sexy person was pursuing you, but you knew he/she was in relationship, would you go for it? no. if I did & we started dating, who’s to say they wouldn’t do exactly the same thing to me? 

106: Do you flirt a lot? guilty as charged

107: Your last kiss? sometime in August 

108: Have you kissed more than 5 people since the start of 2012? no

109: Have you kissed anyone in the past month? no

110: If you could kiss anyone who would it be? Logan Lerman 

111: Do you know who you’ll kiss next? nope

112: Does someone like you currently? maybe

113: Do you currently have feelings for anyone? crushy feelings sure, deep sustaining romantic feelings no

114: Do you like to be in serious relationships or just flings? relationships probably

115: Ever made out with just a friend? yes

116: Are you happier single or in a relationship? I will be happy with whatever I’m doing at the time! I’m enjoying being single rn because I haven’t been single for more than a total of 6 months since I started dating 4 years ago so this has been good for me haha

117: Your own question that you want me to answer. Just write it. well danny you didn’t write me a question so here we are 

[datingadviceonreddit]

This will take time to read, but I seriously need some guidance.There's no other way to put it. I'm in love with my best friend. We are both females, both 19 years old. We've been best friends since we were about 14. I've liked her for almost this entire time. As far as I know, she's straight. And as far as she and everyone else knows, I'm also straight. I haven't come out, she's the only girl I've ever had these feelings for. I'm also attracted to men and I'm trying to date so I can lose feelings for her.Firstly I'll tell a bit about myself and her. I'm more masculine, but in no way do I identify as a male or a butch. I usually just wear a men's tshirt and hoodie, and a pair of sweat pants. This is just because I'm comfortable in this. I'm kind of shy, so I don't get touchy around any other friends. She is VERY beautiful, she's also had a kind of rough upbringing. She was kicked out of home at 16, where she moved in with my family and I which we live over 2000 kilometres away (I used to live down her way, we went to school together until I moved when I was around 16, she moved a year later). She recently moved back after living with me for two years after sorting things with her family. This was one year ago. She's very feminine, but she can also be a little sloppy and I like that!I'm just going to list some things below that she does or has done in the past.• She's very touchy, but I think she tries to do it discreetly, much like I do to her. For example she will grab me around the neck (jokingly haha) with her arms and kind of wrestle with me, and she full on wrestles too and she's setup her phone on record once (with my knowledge) and filmed us wrestling.. I would do that to capture some special moment or something, but that's just me. Anyone else? She always sleeps on my shoulder during long car rides and stuff, I don't think she does that with other friends. One time in particular recently, she rested her head on my lap when we were sitting on the couch watching a movie and asked me to play with her hair. I loved it, but it got me thinking. She also gets me to draw on her back.• She keeps my clothes. As I said, I usually dress in male clothes so I have a fair amount of comfy shirts and hoodies. She used to LOVE asking me if she could keep some. Even if I loved the item of clothing, I'd let her keep them. I liked her to have them. She would upload photos of herself in them, one photo in particular she uploaded a photo to Instagram and she was wearing my shirt she got a while before and the caption to the photo read "Haha aw, I still have it :)". But she didn't tell me about the photo or anything, so I don't know if she wanted me to realise she was meaning the shirt. I got to excited so I just started to look for other things in the photo that she could've been referring to, but honestly it was just a photo of her and I couldn't notice anything else.• This one is odd. So basically one time we were laying on a fold out bed together, we were just talking to my younger brother in a spare room. We weren't sleeping in the bed, just laying on it. We were kind of in the spooning position, but about two feet apart, so we weren't touching or anything. I think I was just annoying her and flicking her ear or something just messing around like a friend, something like that. Then we both just got up about 5 minutes later and left to each others bedroom. (We lived together at this point). Then within 20 minutes, someone had messaged me (without her knowing) some screenshots of some texts between this person (we'll call him Jake) and herself. She was telling Jake how we were just laying on the bed and that I was putting my hand on her hip and so she asked what do I want, and I apparently signified to go to the bedroom. I was so confused because none of that happened... why would she bring it up? I don't get it. She doesn't know till this day that Jake sent that to me, I was a little embarrassed so I just kept quiet. Also another time about a year later, she must've said something else to him again, and he asked me about it once again. She came up with this out of nowhere. Apparently she mentioned something about lesbians to me, and I 'went real funny and quiet'. I don't recall her ever mentioning anything... I know I would've got funny about it and remembered it because of my feelings. But it didn't happen... I don't know why she's making up these things.• This one was a while ago, but once we were sitting by the computer at my place just doing stupid stuff, and she decided to prop her phone up and just video ourselves talking and saying funny things. Towards the end of the few minute long video, she grabbed my face and gave me the biggest kiss on the cheek, almost like it was a big urge. I loved it but I just acted like it was normal and ignored it.• She lived an hour away from me at one point, we were about 15. She used to come and stay at my place every few weekends, she would get the bus for an hour to get to me. I'd usually really want her to stay longer so I'd be cheeky and convince her to stay for another night. She would tell me she has work the next day (part time job). But then she would ring up and say she can't make it, almost every second or third weekend. There's only one person I'd do this sort of thing for, and that's someone I'm desperate to spend time with.• About a year ago, she had just come back home from visiting her family at the other side of the country. I decided to sleep with her in her room that night (we used to sleep in each other's rooms sometimes) because I was happy she was back and wanted to hang out. I also had another friend visiting me that week who is also kind of friends with her, so we all decided to bunk into her bed together. I was on one side, my friend was on the other, and she was in the middle. Was very uncomfortable to say the least, lol. I was pretty tired so I decided I might go to sleep, so I put my phone down and shut my eyes. They were having conversations, and it kinda prevented me from going to sleep. As weird as it sounds I just fake slept because I was trying to sleep anyway, hahaha. Then I decided I'm gonna cuddle up to her and see what she does (she would've assumed I was doing it in my sleep, so it didn't bother me). I didn't want to do too much, just subtle things. I wrapped my arms around her arm, put my head on her arm or shoulder, put my head all the way up near her neck. It sounds weird, I know, but I just wanted to see her reaction! She would move after a few minutes to get comfy again so I had to move too. She was just having conversations like normal with my friend while I was doing this, she was just acting like it was normal. Then I seen flash through my eyelids haha, assuming she'd taken a photo of me. Just assumed she was gonna send me a snapchat of myself with a face filter or something. Then, they talked for a hour or two and then went to bed. I woke up the next morning and the my other friend was looking at her snapchats and she opened the photo of me, and it was captioned 'cute'. I didn't get the snapchat, so she mustn't have wanted me to see it.• Once I decided to go hang out with her in her room. At this time she only had a single bed because she had just moved in, so it was a bit squishy. We were just being funny and taking stupid photos of each other, but I had just laid on the edge of her bed because there was nowhere else. Somehow I slithered my way up onto the bed more and I was literally laying between her legs, but I didn't even realise at first. We were just laying messing around though, it wasn't anything sexual. I kind of was comfortable and of course I liked it, and she seemed to like it too. We weren't doing anything, I was just sitting there. But she didn't seem to mind, it would've been very uncomfortable but she didn't ask me to move or anything.• She sometimes mentions that she dislikes lesbians. But, I do that too. I know it seems like such a terrible thing to say, but I only do it to hide the fact that I have feelings for her. I wonder if she says it for the same reason.• I don't know if this is a lesbian thing, but she did watch all seasons of Orange is the New Black... just a thought ;). She also done a school assessment about gay marriage rights.• Back in the tumblr days, I was just going through some of my friend's blogs and stuff. I decided to have a look at hers, and I was just looking at her likes (which I remember once she was telling me how she thought they were private) and there was a hour something long lesbian porn video in there... I never mentioned it to her.Also, I'm getting a psychic reading from a VERY reputable psychic/medium in a few days. I'm a big believer in these things. I'm pretty much getting the reading for career advice and to connect with my grandmother. I was thinking, should I ask/hint about this subject to the psychic to try get answers? Do you think it could help me?So, let me know what you think. Do you think she feels the same way or a similar way? Let me know why or why not.That's all I can think of for now, if I can remember anything else I'll edit my post. Thanks for taking the time to read via /r/dating_advice

[coldstarlightsheep-blog]

I don’t want you to suffer, but I don’t want to suffer either.

I don’t want the anxiety that arises when the cellphone receives a new message.

I don’t want to think about the possible conversations, the possible polite behavior that would stimulate a celebration in an inappropriate post.

I would try to stop and listen to you, if you gave me the truth… but placing the blame on me for being ‘too jealous’ is just unfair.

But it’s okay…

I don’t what was the feeling/reason that made this guy come around… But I hope it’s still lasting.

I am not a toddler or afraid of being alone…

Been alone for a while, and it’s bad… But feeling this insecure is worse.

And just as food for thought: I was the only one to change the output of love that I offered.

From a weird guy that wanted to talk to you and know about you in Tumblr, to a cold liar dog fake person kinda thing.

And in the beginning I tried to help you even with my improper help, about your loneliness, about your self-esteem, about your anxiety, about all I could.

But time went on…

And little by little you lost the shame you had on getting naked or showing yourself to me.

Remember when you had an anxiety crisis when you thought about taking some clothes?

Time passed and I started retracting and retracting and retracting…

Galo art, ? And this cunt.

The first guy posting songs in your timeline disappeared with not a lot of problems.

I don’t remember if there was someone in the middle. There probably was a Brazilian girl that lives in Germany and your exes.

Guess that by the time this guy came around, you were already full of losing control of your life to someone else.

And the first time that you talked about what this guy was into… I remember I got stressed and asked you what did he meant.

But you guys kept talking in Instagram…

Then you got fierce, added him back on FB and told me to mind my own business.

A long while ago… You deleted the history of conversation with him because you needed space (you guys share files or smth? because text is super lightweight)

Then he kept the flow of messages and you started ignoring him, maybe… anxious to answer, anxious when I would read it.

Anxiety because you knew how that could affect me.

I’ve been feeling down with the whole thing that I got to read in Instagram. But we started getting back together, and in my own time I was starting to create roots again.

But a great day after classes exams and shit I get to read the celebration of this fucking asshole.. pretty much targeted at me, because it was not about the post and it was not about something you didn’t knew.

Teaching (maybe agreeing) with you on this pseudo freedom bullshit.

I remember checking his profile on your Instagram and he was blocked. And like (https://www.facebook.com/help/instagram/426700567389543/) I work with computers for a living and even though I’m not the brightest one sometimes… I can still know when things ain’t right.

And like you could tell me you’re sorry. That I’ve pushed you to unblock him and talk to him, you could have deleted his comment in “respect”(?)

But if you’re so certain that it ain’t worth to be an 'asshole’ to someone 'sweet’.

Then keep telling me how sick and jealous I am… And how I partially cause problems in the relationship, therefore I have to change entirely.

Therefore, you should come to talk to me if you think you’re being misjudged…

But I think you won’t. Because you ain’t used in asking for forgiveness, trying to argue that you did something wrong…

I think these are narcissistic-like characteristics and therefore

- you won’t try to approach. - you won’t be able to empathize with how lost I am. - you will think that as a human, I’m dealing with this whole thing poorly. - you will find all the right explanations to why I am so insecure, but you won’t listen to what I have to say.

If you can’t talk to me, it means that you’re just too conflicted with your own convictions. And between dropping some convictions and staying in bed feeling down with such an horrible bf, you will perform the second option and blame me for everything.

Its funny that in order for your friend to have a chance with her guy in a long distance relationship, they had to 'open’ their relationship.

When you freaked out feeling anxious because she was rubbing in your face that she was going to move out and etc…

I told you that she was not getting anything that was truly hers right?

I told you that it was not a good opportunity, that they still were too 'young’ and that only time would tell.

Now even with the open relationship, their feelings might still fade. After one of them doesn’t spend time to care for each other, because they’re too busy flirting with other people.

Can you imagine how awesomely nice it is to be working your ass off,

Waking up around 6:30 taking a cold shower in a fucking bucket,

then working/studying from 08:00 to 18:00 (sometimes even later)++, in a city with violence that has no water, where you’re robbed in your way back from university at 5pm…

while your partner is receiving the news of that special someone that has a crush on them?

- There are 3 tropical storms around here. - Ohhh you’re so lucky. - hahaha, _still_ coming to visit one day? - yeah, I would love to visit. 😁

~~~~

- I miss you, don’t count me out of your life. - I won’t. - don’t you wanna fix this communication problem? I want to talk more freely don’t you? - _I want it too_. - maybe we/you could create a new acct. Idk.

~~~~

You won’t know how it feels. Because you can’t empathize with me.

You will keep telling me that I’m the wrong one. That I’m the one with a fucked up head…

So we end up with in this shit.

If he talks to you and you’re sincere to them… He will probably keep getting in touch often. Sending random subjects to start a conversation and cheer you up.

Maybe you will just zone out for a while now and feel bad until you come back with the “new years” resolution plans.

The last thing that will happen is some action to try to fix this situation, repair my feelings.

My heart is falling apart and I feel as suicidal as always. But one thing I won’t do is to agree that I’m “too jealous”.

I guess it’s easier for me to block people when you ask that of me, because they don’t often give a fuck to me anyways…

34 weeks ago you posted a selfie of your #bangs and this guy started exposing his mind at least there 26w (6months and a half), filters from Snapchat on Instagram 25w ago.

Same fucking thing.💓

Since that time… I was doing what I could to keep things going.

I even suppressed my own self to put up with the comments that would appear in your fb. Block them, was the solution…

But it didn’t last long…

And now you don’t know what to do about it… Getting in terms with the disaster, is easier than coming around and trying to prevent anything.

Having to talk anything without sarcasm, without the intention to hurt…

And I know that it’s easier to try to be nice to those more distant from you… Instead of an asshole.

So I just let it happen.

Just don’t imagine me as a being that doesn’t feel anything…

I ain’t as talkative as in the beginning… But I feel the things just the same…

And I fell in love for some of your flaws, thinking that knowing hurt you would be okay to hangout with. I thought that being depressed, would make you feel with time more caressing of others… Since you know how pain can feel.

But this part of you, that wants to be free… pushed me away from the part that wants attention.

You said things that I have mostly forgot… But you started putting me in a place of a 'roommate’. I destroyed the morning that we went to call ganxo, I destroyed the trip, I would lose the flight if we hadn’t argued. (But you saved it) I destroyed most of your friendships… I made you spend a lot of money to not act to your expectations… I got obsessed over an asshole that has been lurking around for more than 7 months.

Therefore, I probably destroyed everything… Being this jealous. Over a trump supporter that is not my friend but I can’t be an asshole…

So I have to text him accordingly…

Argghhhhhhh the more I write the more it accumulates in the tip of my fingers.

I told you when we started dating that people are somewhat predictable and they are.

I will sink now… One exam Monday, another Tuesday, work…. The water in the pipes only arrives Monday. You probably won’t come over… And I will be labeled the jealous crazy fuck.

What I need is something simple… But it will probably not happen, you’ll not empathize, won’t regret, won’t approach…

Anyways…