#I posted and immediately edited in the last section

[mcalhenwrites]

Distraction time, aka "What if I ramble about my stories?" What if I talked about the sort of things Vivian could have had as a child if someone like Phineas had found and raised him instead? Something cheerful with a happy ending would be nice right now. Even if it's not canon. ;) If you didn’t read the original AO3 posting of Seasons to the final chapter, this does contain some significant spoilers. Wouldn’t it have been fantastic if Phineas had visited Wyskaria and noticed Vivian’s signature when he was still little? He’d be a scrappy boy in rags, but old enough he already named himself Vivian. That means he’s not without some trauma. He just didn’t endure all of it before Phineas realized what was going on and stole this abused child away from his family. Vivian would go willingly. If someone had offered him food and a way out, he might be suspicious, but he would also be desperate. What could possibly be worse than what he dealt with from his family? Phineas realizes he’s hungry when they first meet, leaves, returns with food. Vivian is shocked but immediately snatches the food. Then he backs off. Until Phineas shows him magic. Child Viv is not like 400 y/o Viv. He’s impressed. Fascinated. Maybe he would have named himself after Phineas instead if he had met him first. Phineas doesn’t push Viv to come with him. All he does is feed him over the next couple of days. Then he says he’s going to leave town. “You can come with me if you want. You don’t have to stay here.” Vivian follows the food and the kindness. He’s a bit cautious but mostly? He’s hopeful. This is different than it was with Gideon, who forced Viv into structure immediately.

Phineas finds some better clothes and necessities for Vivian, including a toy. This is Viv’s dream. The 400 y/o canon Vivian wanted this childhood. In a different story, he can have it. Phineas introduces him to his family slowly. They visit a couple of his children, who dote on Vivian beecause he’s young and they have kids and hand-me-downs. He feels like a prince. He’s quick to accept Phineas’s affection. After a month or two, he’s happily hugging Phineas on his own. It takes a few more months for him to kiss him on the cheek. Phineas assigns Vivian a birthday based on what he knows, which is that Vivian loves it when it’s snowing. So he gives him a winter birthday. Then asks him what he wants to eat to celebrate it. Vivian wants the same treat he tries to make for Howie in Seasons–the one with fruit in fried bread that’s dusted with nuts and sugar–as his special dessert. For savory dishes, Phineas fixes Vivian some delicious pumpkin pasta with cheese, cabbage and sausage, and a baked ham. He has picked up on some of Vivian’s favorite foods since he took him in. While Phineas often likes to tease many of his children, he doesn’t do this with Viv. He senses that it might be too much–at least while he’s still young–and refrains from joking too much with him. He knows each kid is different. While certain approaches work with one child, it doesn’t with another. Vivian is sometimes a little fiesty and self-defensive, but he’s easily calmed by a gentle reminder from Phineas. He doesn’t think Phineas is soft on him. All he knows is that his other family was cruel and violent, and Phineas is happiness and safety. This isn’t a man who decides his savior is allowed to hurt him to some degree because he was also kind to him. This is a Vivian who is told his autonomy should be respected. Phineas is “Daddy” within a year’s time. Even when Viv enters his teens, he can’t help but use the more childish address. In part, this is because Viv–in most universes–still remembers his early years and it makes him yearn for a do-over. If only Phineas had been his birth Daddy. If only Phineas had found him before his human family. Vivian plays with toys a little older than other children. He’s physically affectionate but never clingy, always lounging close to Phineas because he likes being in proximity to his father. He likes consistency and schedules, because they make him feel safe. Traveling with Phineas stresses him out a bit. He prefers when they’re staying in one of Phineas’s many homes, although he doesn’t mind switching it up sometimes. He just doesn’t like it when Phineas goes to a new place entirely. That’s too much uncertainty for Viv. (Note that this is all before Daz is born and Cole is found when Phineas goes back to Wyskaria. And yes, those do still happen.)

Viv is a bit like Cole: he sticks to Phineas’s side a lot longer than a child usually would to a parent. Not to care for him the way Cole does, but the other way around. (Although maybe it will be different, because Viv being around does change a bit of the timeline, and that means Daz and Cole never encounter the danger that ends Daz’s life.) When he first realizes he has magic at fourteen, he welcomes it, but he uses it for whimsical things–not unlike how Sophie used hers when she came into it. Vivian is reluctant to go to college, but he likes numbers and their consistency, and Phineas encourages him to go meet people and study. Graham doesn’t get into trouble for always talking to Vivian, who has an explosive temper in another timeline. This Viv knows a bit of sign language from traveling with Phineas and can talk to Mabel. He’s a bit on the shy side, but he’s hoping if he sticks around often enough and gains Mabel’s approval, the cute apprentice will like him better. It works. The two get married surrounded by their loved ones. They build a house together. Vivian dreams of the future, and the cries of the cicadas still bring him an accident. He knows exactly who to turn to for advice and assistance. By then, Graham and Viv have had conversations about what kind of parents they want to be. Graham loves Vivian and attributes that to Phineas being a wonderful dad, and he tries his best to model after that instead of modeling after his own father. (Especially with their issues, which they work through before his father’s death.) Graham wants a lifetime with Vivian. They’re goofy and affectionate. They bring their six children to Phineas’s orchard sometimes, because it’s where Vivian is safest. Uncle Cole and Uncle Daz are terrible influences on all five of the kiddos. ;)

[vaciena]

I have a rule that I’m not allowed to do anything productive the day after uploading a video except reply to comments so now I’m just kinda staring at the wall hoping something interesting appears so I don’t have to think

[wiishopwednesday]

longing for something you can never return to

[ID: a collection of images relating to nostalgia. the first image is a genius screenshot of the lyrics to car seat headrest's "famous prophets (stars)." the screenshot reads "We gotta go back/We gotta go back/We gotta go back/We gotta go back." the second image is the "we got the torture labyrinth tomorrow" meme template, edited to instead say "We got missing what we can never return to tomorrow/What?/We got the beginning of the rest of our lives tomorrow/Ohhhh/Okay." the third image is a discord screenshot, with the user's username and icon cropped out so that only the text is visible, and reads "Duuudeee you missed out on those 7 days where god created earth you are fucked LOL." the fourth image is a screenshot of a piece of text, which reads in bolder font "You can never leave home." underneath it, in normal text, it reads "You take it with you no matter where you go. Home is between your teeth, under your fingernails, in the hair follicles, in your smile, in the ride of your hips, in the passage of your breasts." the fifth image is a screenshot of a post made by tumblr user ryebreadgf, which reads "YOU CAN NEVER GO BACK! YOU CAN NEVER GO BACK! YOU CAN BITE AND SCRATCH AND BEG BUT YOU CAN NEVER GO BACK!" the sixth image is a screenshot of a piece of text that reads, "YOU KILL YOURSELF AND IMMEDIATELY WAKE UP AS A CHILD ON YOUR PARENTS BED. YOU'VE BEEN ASLEEP FOR HALF AN HOUR. THE SUN IS SHINING." the seventh image is a picture of two uneven dark yellow boxed next to each other on a off-white background. the first box reads, in handwriting, "I'm terrified of change." the second box reads, "I'm terrified of staying this way forever." the eighth image is a screenshot of a post made by tumblr user dakotajohnsongf, which reads "women be looking at pictures of their childhood selves and trying to find a way back to them." the ninth image is a screenshot of a post made by tumblr user bestofgentleearth, containing a screenshot from a forum of some kind. a line of text reads "(16 hours ago) butterfly said:" underneath, an indented section of text reads "today, the world looked beautiful again. i'm starting to remember what kept me alive last summer." the tenth image is another tumblr post by user cursedsuggestion, which reads "the friend you miss comes home for good. you never see another mirror. it's summer forever and that terrible thought you keep having finally disappears." the eleventh image is a screenshot of a reddit post, with the original poster's username and icon cropped out so only the text is visible. it reads "I'm not sure how to word this, but I constantly go through this deep sense of loss. I feel like I terribly miss something I love from the bottom of my heart, but I don't know what it is, exactly. Nothing in life satisfies me, nothing makes me content, but l wouldn't say I'm depressed either. There's just this endless search for something, and at times I feel I can catch a glimpse of it - different sceneries pop into my head at times, like of a particular beach at night, and I'm moved to tears. Or I remember a dream and all the feelings that were stirring while I saw that dream, and feel entirely connected to them." the twelfth image is a screenshot of a tumblr post, but the original poster is cropped out so only the text is visible, which reads "wait i wasn't ready. i never finished that game of tag. i still need to learn how to do a cartwheel. my friends and i never finished making that bridge over the creek. i want to go back. can you carry me to bed one last time? and maybe i'll wake up tomorrow in my childhood room with my pink walls and we'll laugh over this dream at breakfast." the thirteenth image is another tumblr screenshot of a post by user heavensghost, which reads "uhhh yh sure u can go back but no one will be waiting for you there."

the fourteenth image is a screenshot of a reddit comment, with the user's information cropped out so that only the text is visible, which reads "HIRAETH (heer-eye-th) 'A deep homesickness; an intense form of longing or nostalgia for a place long gone, or even an unaccountable homesickness for a place you have never visited. A pull on the heart that conveys a distinct feeling of missing something irretrievably lost.'" the fifteenth image is a collection of 3 rows of black boxes, with 3 boxes in each row. the first box has a white, vague form of a human. the second box pictures the human form stretching its arms and legs out. from the third box onward, the human figure starts to dissipate into white dots until it has completely disappeared and only dots remain. the sixteenth image is a tumblr post by user n1ntendos, which reads "I AM HAUNTED BY A PAST I CANNOT GO BACK TO !!!!!!! anyways." the seventeenth image is a screenshot of text that reads "I cling to everything - CDs that skip, rings that turn my fingers green, the dead ends of my hair, old love notes that turn my stomach over and over. And I'm not proud but there are still boxes under my bed. And I'm not proud but my closet is still running out of space. And nostalgia is a fucking waste of time but my heart is full with it. Tell me I won't hold this forever. Tell me there will be a day where I let gloriously go." the eighteenth image is an image of larger text that reads "It's a summer day, and I want to be wanted more than anything else in the world." the nineteenth image is a photograph of a large white dog standing in a dark, flowing river surrounded by a dark forest and green trees. the dog is facing away from the viewer with its mouth open. the dog appears to be glowing, likely due to a lens flare of some kind. the entire picture feels very melancholy and nostalgic. the twentieth image is larger text that reads "Nostalgia is the aching realization that you can't go back again. The longing, no matter how intense, can never be met." the twenty-first image is a screenshot of an instagram dm, with the user's username and icon cropped out so that only the text is visible, and it reads "well the time passes anyway so I have to." the twenty-second image is a screenshot of the spotify lyrics for gerard way's song "action cat." the lyrics read "Hey/Do you miss me?/'Cause I miss you/Do you miss me?/'Cause I miss you/Do you miss me?/'Cause I miss you/Do you miss me?/'Cause I miss you too." the twenty-third image is a screenshot of text that reads "YOUR CHILDHOOD DOG IS ALIVE. YOUR DEAD BEST FRIEND WANTS TO GET COFFEE. YOU HAVE BEEN KIND AND GOOD. THERE IS NOTHING CHASING YOU. YOU CAN SLEEP. WHAT DO YOU DO?" the twenty-fourth image is a continuation of the lyrics from car seat headrest's "famous prophets (stars)" that were pictured in the first image. these lyrics read "We've gotta go back/We've gotta go back/We've gotta go back/(Don't spend too much time on it)." end ID.]

[arlecchno]

everything has changed (alhaitham x gn!reader)

ONE. i just wanna know you better

masterlist next

SUMMARY - alhaitham was positive that he was not worthy of anyone's love, nor was anyone worthy of his. but after bumping into you on a random wednesday morning, he was ought to be wrong in many ways. also; in which you attempt on asking alhaitham out a grand total of three times; three different ways, three different places, and three different situations, in hopes of him reciprocating your so called love— people do say that third time's the charm, right?

A/N - i have delayed this for far too long. i have maybe slept while editing this draft for around 4 times. i was supposed to post this last week. forgive me pls

“three times.”

“pardon?”

you smiled at the gray-haired man at his desk, holding up three fingers as you repeated yourself once more. “i'll only ask you out three times, and if you decline all three of them, i won't ever bother you again. you can trust me on that.”

if there's one thing about you that alhaitham could describe, it's that you are… maybe a tad bit weird.

no, scratch that, you're insanely weird.

it's silly, he thinks. you're a well-known and respected scholar slash biologist from the amurta darshan. there's no one in the akademiya who doesn't know you, not when you're widely known for your eccentric researches and experiments. no, alhaitham definitely did not look into your work profile after that little incident. and even if he did, it was purely for work purposes, he was mainly doing his duty to report about it to the higher ups, lest he craves punishment or a lecture from grand sage azar.

anyway, frankly speaking, you should be professional, at the very least. hell, you have a doctorate. the title itself should be written all over you.

so why are you speaking to him like… well, he doesn't know. like you're a fool? a desperate moron in love? whatever it is, it's anything but professional to him.

see, this all started due to that sudden incident from a few weeks ago.

nothing ever beats the rush hour in the akademiya on a wonderful wednesday morning, it seems.

as a full time worker at the prestigious institute, it was just another day for you and your overworked colleagues. however, getting errands done during this time around would be a death wish, everyone within the akademiya walls knew of that, and of course, you do too.

yet it seemed like you had just dug your own grave.

honestly— who wouldn't? you needed to head over to your lab immediately, the specimens in the crate you were currently carrying needed to be experimented on within the fifteen minute timeline you had mentally set up in your head, so it was obvious that you had no time to lose.

and to speak; the crowds in the house of daena honestly weren't that bad— maybe a little less spacious than usual, but still merely nothing for an experienced scholar like you. see, that's what you had initially thought before getting back to your private lab.

you just need to head on over to the biology section of the house of daena to retrieve a book titled ‘fungi and its extraordinary lives’, and you'll be set to continue conducting your ongoing research project. look— you did think of snatching the book way earlier before you even set out on an adventure of getting your crate of supplies, but it would've been too much work for you to go back and forth from your lab, as it was already close to the house of daena.

you figured it was best to do it on your way back instead, which, in full honesty— was not even a bad idea. it was just that things just had to escalate a whole lot differently than you had intended to.

see— your first mistake was keeping your eyes busy on your task instead of what's in front of you. which, in another sense, is what any other normal person would do. well, you know your way around the akademiya like the back of your hand. the shortcuts to aisle number thirty-six in the house of daena, the bathroom to the end of the hall on floor two, the shortest route to the archive room of the akademiya, you name it. so you thought you could just waltz your way through the library easily. again, your first mistake.

your second mistake was that you were clearly doing anything but walking, understandably so. you're well aware of the akademiya rules: no running in the institution, no careless mistakes, no idle chit chat and gossip— among many others. right, the handbooks weren't a stranger to you. there was even a point in your life where you were forced to memorise it from a to z by one of your professors because you were unfortunate enough to have unintentionally broken one of the many minuscule rules that one time, which in your opinion was quite the torture for a mere student like you back then. you may or may not still hold a grudge against the said professor.

as you were double checking your to-do list with a pencil and piece of paper on your beloved crate, you hadn't realized that you were walking towards someone. okay, maybe the correct word for your actions right now would be sprinting, but you'd hate to admit that you were in the wrong.

now, this is your last mistake. the person that is about to bump into you is not a mere scholar, whom you can't just apologize to once or a few more times and move on with your day.

next thing you knew, you collided into the person's chest that was so hard it felt you just crashed into a wall, and much to your dismay, caused you to harshly fall on the pristine floors from the impact, along with your precious, precious crate, which is now most likely a lost cause as your specimens and other important stuff you had worked so hard to look for earlier were all over you and the extravagant floors of the house of daena. disgusting, you know, but that was the least of your worries right now.

as if that wasn't already downright embarrassing enough, you're now covered in gooey fungi, you have totally made a fool out of yourself, and all eyes are currently on you, scholars and students alike whispering amongst themselves at the scene they were witnessing. a monstrosity, truly.

you were sure that you'd be the main topic of gossip for at least a week. maybe two weeks at best.

the house of daena was silent, with only the chit and chatter amongst the scholars as an exception. at first sight, you wondered why everyone would pay so much attention to you instead of continuing on with what they were doing just a fleeting second ago. surely this happens in the akademiya at least once, no?

you've made two revelations to this; one, you were so ungodly hideous that everyone just had to stare. or two, you had probably just bumped into some hot-shot akademiyan.

of course, the first thing any sane person would do is look up to the perpetrator who had cause you this much damage. (it was your fault to begin with.)

so you did.

and of course any normal person who had just been bumped into would have thought of the same thing: have every reason to be angry at the person who bumped into you, whether they were in the wrong or not.

so it was only natural that you too, had the same thought in mind.

but the second you laid your eyes on him, it's as if the whole world stopped, and you finally understand why everyone was so adamant on just standing there and whispering about your little incident instead of helping you out like any decent human being would. and the latter of your revelation was definitely on spot. you would've done a victory dance if you were in any other situation except this.

because the person you had just bump into is none other than the scribe of the akademiya, the one and only, alhaitham.

you've heard of him a few times— apparently he's quite the reserved man, yet would not hesitate to call you out on your wrongdoings or foolish mistakes. well, that's what you heard anyway; as a mere worker who is trying to make ends meet, you are in no position to judge people based on what your fellow juniors run their mouths about these days.

for as long as you've been both an alum and full-time employee at the akademiya, it's truly a wonder that you've never actually seen the scribe in person. right, that's also what you've heard people say— that the scribe can hardly be spotted, nor can he be found easily to begin with. he's never in his office, and it's not often that you'd find him within the akademiya walls; the man is anywhere but at his working place, and somehow gets away with it because he's the scribe, whose presence is not of importance unless he deems so.

and if you are granted the position to say this; it is mainly because the higher ups of the akademiya takes great pride in their respected positions, so it is not a shocker that someone with an official title like grand scribe can frequently get away with such things.

egocentric, blunt, unambitious and many more— those are the few descriptions you've heard over the past few years from scholars about the scribe.

but out of all of the mysterious things you've miraculously heard about the man, you've never seen or heard people point out how attractive he is.

how could they not? he’s got a broad frame that could actually knock the breath out of you (which in this case, quite literally did knock you down), a set of clothes that somehow just screams him, despite the fact that you know next to nothing about the guy, tuft of gray hair that bounces graciously and looks luscious enough it makes you envious how he even manages to take such great care of it, and lastly, a pair of turquoise eyes that looked like an oasis from the sumeru desert, one you could just stare into forever, ever and ever.

this man is a whole package.

it was like the gods had granted you the perfect opportunity to present yourself in front of an attractive man, like the gods have finally decided to fill a bit of colour into your hopeless romantic and workaholic life, and gave you this blessing— except for the fact that this, this might be the most embarrassing way possible in doing so.

oh how you want the ground to swallow you up right now.

after what seemed like forever (it was less than thirty seconds), the man of the hour finally speaks, startling you with his voice. “would you rather sit down there like a fool or will you stand up?” ouch. maybe it's safe to say that at least one of the things people say about him are, in fact, true.

you blinked, once, twice, before you could pick up on what what he said and hurriedly stand up, glass jars of your specimens that were previously all over you clinking to the floor a little too loud, some already having been broken and shattered, but you could care less when the man in front of you was currently glaring at you like you have committed one of the six cardinal sins.

before he could even jab you more with his next few blunt words, you decided to bow down to a complete ninety-degree and started profusely apologizing, all previous thoughts of wanting to blame everything on him for ruining your prolonged experiment were thrown out the window (again, it is your fault in the first place.)

sure, this might hurt your pride and ego, but you'd rather do this than having the possibility of listening to the scribe giving you a lifelong lecture on the basic rules of the akademiya, or yet even worse, you get sent to the grand sage and have your doctorate and title revoked for being unprofessional, unethical, or whatever nonsense grand sage azar would demote you for. call yourself dramatic and insane, but you'd rather not inflict any chances of ending up humiliated or jobless. or both.

a beat passes, and you're still mumbling out apologies, causing alhaitham to clear his throat in order to cut you off.

“you… you can stand upright now,” he said, and it takes you another few seconds before you reluctantly do as he says, and the first thing you see is him looking at you with a puzzled expression plastered on his face.

“i apologize once again, scribe. it was my fault, i wasn't looking,” you looked down as you spoke, staring at your ruined materials on the white tiles.

alhaitham all but sighs, and tells you to look where you're going next time. you couldn't help but only nod, not even glancing at him once out of embarrassment. “you are fully aware of the akademiya rules, are you not? act one-o-three; no running in the institution unless–”

“–an emergency occurs, or and if ordered to by either of the six sages, grand sage included,” you finished his sentence with the slight of an eye roll, before remembering that this was the scribe, not your annoying biology professor who countlessly had you memorise the five-hundred-page worth of akademiya rules. truthfully, there was no need for a teaching institution to have that many rules.

then, he prompts another question: “do you perhaps need any help…” he seemed to have trailed off, and you flickered your eyes to him just for a fleeting second to see what he was doing. “amurta scholar?” he finished his question as he stared at your lab coat, a small badge to your left with the amurta logo pinned on it, indicating which darshan you are from.

“uh… no– it's alright,” you say sheepishly as you quickly crouched down, already starting to pick up your glass jars and whatnot. “you should get going, scribe. you must have a lot of work to do here in the akademiya.”

alhaitham could only nod as you tell him that, not even minding the fact that you were not able to see him as of the moment. he merely tells you to watch where you're going next time and starts to walk away; which in your opinion was maybe just a tad bit rude— the least he could do was help you out. but knowing him, as per what people talk about, that'd be nigh impossible. also, you did say that you didn't need any help, so you couldn't blame him per se. honestly, if you were in his shoes you'd probably have done the same.

so you hurriedly finished cleaning up your mess and ran to your lab, all in your splattered–with–gooey–fungi glory. as you sighed behind closed doors, you prayed to the gods above that your project would go smoothly and peacefully. fingers crossed.

well, maybe after yet another exhausting trip to the avidya forest for another set of fungi, that is.

but of course, it was only wishful thinking, there's not a lot to hope for when alhaitham pretty much occupied your mind the whole day. it has even gotten to the point where your fellow juniors had to snap you out of your daydream so that you could actually focus on your research.

sure, call yourself a hopeless romantic (maybe a crazy lunatic in this case), but who wouldn't fall for him at first sight? and who the hell cares about the things scholars gossip about him? a man with that sort of pretty privilege could run over your toe and you would gracefully thank him for it.

and, point in case— alhaitham isn't that bad. okay, sure, maybe a little too blunt and too uncaring for his own good, but he is not as bad as people make him seem.

maybe you should get to know alhaitham more, right? not because you're interested in him (you are, but that could be pushed aside for now), you merely want to debunk the bad rumors about him going around (they aren't even half as bad, just highly exaggerated and overall childish) and make sure that everyone knows that alhaitham is not just the egocentric and arrogant guy people always see (he probably is just exactly that, but it's worth the try).

you firmly believe there's more to the scribe than what meets the eye.

so, you make it your mission and goal to get to know alhaitham better, even if it may be the worst idea possible.

spoilers: it absolutely is the worst idea possible.

after the minor incident you had, you tried your very best to encounter him during work hours, which honestly wasn't as challenging as you thought it was. sure, he's not around much, but after maybe a week or so of hanging around the house of daena (stalking would be the ideal word you're looking for), you finally got to know his routine— well, only for when he's around the humongous library, but that will suffice for now.

evidently, alhaitham would only visit the house of daena on wednesdays, and weirdly on saturdays, at ten in the morning sharp. for what reason you quite have no clue, but he's frequently around the linguistics section, reading a book or two about ancient runes and that sort of stuff, sometimes even seen squabbling with a certain architect from the kshahrewar darshan too. you don't know kaveh much— but apparently he's acquainted with alhaitham, of all people.

but now that you know a part of his routine, you can probably catch the opportunity to get to know him. so ever since then, you have been, quote unquote, “bumping„ into him nonstop.

the first few times you bumped into him, you had greeted him a couple of times, and after a bit of coaxing, you somehow managed to drag him into small talk. you've even gotten to the point where you're asking him when he's free— reason why? of course, you just want to take him out for a bit during lunch break to make up for the incident you two had just a few weeks ago, definitely no ulterior motives whatsoever; which unfortunately, alhaitham kept declining because he quotes that “it would be a waste of time,” and that “things should just be left in the past.”

but that clearly didn’t stop you from trying, again and again. your guardians clearly didn't raise a quitter.

one thing you did find out about alhaitham after a few conversations with him is that the man is anything but fond of small talk, which was expected. and after countless attempts on trying to get him into one, you eventually had to go on a different route to get his attention.

so, here you are now, somehow having managed to reach your way to his office— and miraculously enough, alhaitham just so happens to also be present at the time, which gives you the perfect opportunity to raise the deal that has been dying to escape from your throat.

look— there's no denying that you are here for work purposes; you were requesting for one of your documentations to be cited and reviewed, and although alhaitham is mainly responsible for documenting data regarding the akademiya and the six darshans, he offered a helping hand during one of your small talks you had successfully managed to coax out of him.

and you did come here for that, but you just couldn't help but blurt everything out.

and it doesn't really help that alhaitham is looking at you like you've submitted the worst thesis possible. you haven't even handed it to him yet.

alhaitham continues to frown. “would it not be a hassle to be asking me out that much? why would you even be interested in me?” he had asked, and he didn't bother waiting for your reply as he continued speaking. “you could use those three times right now and i'll decline all of them instantly. that way, you won't have to bother me again.”

“well aren't you quite rude, scribe,” you huffed, retracting your hand back to your side. talk about rude; you're here for the sole purpose of asking him out. “give me a chance, would you? i'm confident that you'd have changed your mind by the time i'm on my last chance,” you grinned as you quirked your eyebrows up and down, and alhaitham almost rolled his eyes as he folded his arms over his chest and leans back on his chair. almost.

“i highly doubt it,” he says.

you tucked your files closer to your chest. “have you ever heard of the saying ‘third time's the charm’, scribe?”

“i believe so, yes,” he nods, then adds: “you'll only ever hear obsessive gamblers say that sort of nonsense when they've lost their current gamble, in hopes of winning the next round.”

in an instant, your jaw drops. “are you implying that i am gambling my love life?” see, if you look closely— alhaitham was this close to smiling.

“i am just saying that there is no point in pursuing something, or someone, in this case, when you've already failed the first time, biologist,” well, now you understand why scholars say he is unambitious. “it would be a waste of time to be around me, or be with me, for that matter. i doubt that i could ever reciprocate your feelings.”

ouch. you'll probably have to double check your list of alhaitham's personality chart again.

“please?” you plead, and alhaitham stares at you for a little too long that you eventually had to break eye contact to avoid his intense gaze. “i promise you that i will never bother you again, you can trust me on that. you won't even see my face on the grounds of the akademiya.”

he looks at you confusedly. “are you not the famous biologist with fifteen awards on their name? i am bound to bump into you in the near future, in one way or another.” he says, tapping his finger on his forearm.

huh, how did he know that you have won fifteen akademiyan awards? as far as you know, this guy knows nothing about you, the fact that he had to check which darshan you are from during your incident was enough proof.

maybe you're not the only one who is interested in the other.

“that's not the point!” you groaned, rubbing your temple with your free hand. this may or may not be directed to both your thoughts and him.

okay, maybe this was a bad idea after all— alhaitham is an impossible man. you'd think that you were capable enough to break his façade, to see the true him after a bit of pestering, but nooo, you're pretty damn sure this is him. there's no such thing as a façade. he's just… alhaitham. which could either be a blessing or a curse, if you ever manage to steal his heart. that, or maybe both. but then again, it still doesn't change the fact that he is one tough nut to crack.

alhaitham sighs. “will you really leave me alone?”

“huh?”

“will you really stop bothering me once you're over with your… shenanigans?”

you blinked. then, you widen your eyes, nodding. “of course. i won't pursue you again, scribe. all i am asking is for you to lend me your time for the duration of— uh, actually, i'm not sure what i am supposed to call this,” you mumble the last few words, but still audible enough for the gray-haired man to hear.

“say, hypothetically, what would you do if i were to agree to one of your three chances of asking me out? what will you do then?”

“oh,” you shift from one foot to another, awkwardness coursing through your veins at the lack of answer you could think of at the top of your head. “i… i am not quite sure. that's for future me to worry about, i guess?”

alhaitham raises a brow, but doesn't question your uncertainty. instead, he says something else in return: “alright, then. i will indulge in your antics for as long as you'd have me as your… social experiment.”

social experiment is just an over exaggeration, right? it has to be. no rational person says it like that.

“what?”

“i'm saying that i will agree to the terms you have given me, but you will stop bothering once your chances are up. do you understand?” he enunciates his words carefully, and you almost dropped your files, right then and there.

gulping, you nod, a small grin tugging at your lips, and alhaitham already regrets his words when you say: “of course.”

well, be prepared for a rollercoaster ride.

extra note - ok guys please keep me in your thoughts and prayers 🙏 writing slump is crazy this is the first work i’ve posted in over 2 months. that is ridonkulous. hope i don’t disappear again

taglist; @isotofl @dancinghillary @heartswonder

taglist is still open!! :D

[thedvilsinthedetails]

Rosekiller band au microfic!!!

hey guys, I wrote the first microfic in the lil series I’m doing, you can find the original idea for it here

ik I’d said I’d wait but I’m impatient hahaha

(some of the ppl that asked to be tagged if i ever wrote it: @always-reading @blu3stars @chaoticgaywitch @1284646imjusthere @depressedtheatrekiddo @idk-what-to-put-here-123)

anyway just wrote this pretty quickly so it might have some mistakes n stuff sorry abt that I don’t do grammar or punctuation anyway here you go, enjoy:

(EDIT: link to part 2)

••• Pink lipstick stains, cigarette butts

I lie in bed, I hate my guts

A day in the dark 

A muddled afternoon, yeah

Barty pressed his cheek close to Evan as they sang into the same microphone. He could feel the buzz of the music through the vibration of the stage below him. 

Oh baby darling how I long 

To become your suicide blonde

He ran a hand through Evan’s platinum curls as he sung the line. Evan leaned into it, eyes meeting Barty’s, grinning as he sung. 

To lie beside my Romeo

Oh what a wicked way to go

Evan’s fingers moved deftly on the guitar, he lifted a hand, twirled the pick in his hand before resuming immediately, he didn’t take his eyes off Barty the entire song. 

•••

“Ah fucking hell look at the comments Bee.”

Evan was sat at the base of the sofa, scrolling through the comments on a video of their performance last night. He held the phone up to Barty on the sofa, who squinted before taking it and reading it out to the room.

“Skittlefiend57 says ‘omg Blarty and Evan! I’m so gone 4 them u guys’”

“Blarty?”

Regulus raised an eyebrow.

“We’ve been getting my name wrong all these years guys. Wow that’s a crazy thing to discover at 23.”

“Bad spelling aside, there’s way more. And it’s not all good stuff.”

Evan said and Barty looked back down at the comments. 

“Barty and Evan are queerbaiting, they act so gay but they’re not dating. It’s all clearly faked to get attention. Fucking pathetic. Why thank you peenisonapizza. Glad to see you know us personally and can therefore speak on our behalf.”

“Don’t know why they’re obsessed with accusing a band with two trans guys of queer baiting.”

Evan pinched his furrowed brow and shook his head in disbelief.

“They don’t even care about the fucking music, just us and whether we’re dating or not.”

Barty laid down on the sofa, dropping one arm around Evan and resting his chin on Evan’s shoulder.

“Hey cheer up Rosie. They care about the music. There’s a few assholes but that’s a given. If they weren’t talking about us acting gay they’d be talking about whether my tattoos are real or fake.”

“Or some conspiracy theory that Reggie’s not actually lactose intolerant.” 

Pandora chipped in.

“I’m not lactose intolerant!”

Regulus replied indignantly.

“Is that you talking or your obsession with chocolate?”

Dorcas rolled her eyes as she spoke. Regulus avoided her gaze as he mumbled out a half hearted response.

“Remus got me hooked on Tony’s chocolonely.”

While the rest of the group squabbled Evan leaned his head back against Barty’s shoulder, he pulled out his phone.

***

Evan.Rosier✔️

Hey everyone, I’ve noticed there’s a lot of speculation about me and @Barty.Grouch.JR and I wanted to say that it’s none of your business, you can think what you like but please don’t ask us or spam comment sections with theories. As always thank u so much for listening to our music, the skittles luv u x

***

Evan breathed in and passed the phone to Barty.

“You think this is good?”

Barty read it over and nodded.

“You’ve been really nice about it too.”

Evan huffed out a laugh.

“I was normal about, not my fault you would have said something like-“

“Roses are red, violets are blue, you are a cunt and I hate you @peenisonapizza.”

Barty took a small bow, flourishing his hand dramatically. Evan turned around and flicked him in the leg, which only succeeded in making him laugh. 

 “Ok I’ve posted it.”

Evan clicked post and watched as the ‘likes’ number quickly began to climb.

“Now I’m just not gonna read the comments on that post.”

Evan huffed out a laugh and Barty patted his shoulder.

“Good on you Rosie. Now who wants to watch a movie?”

Evan clambered onto the sofa next to Barty who leaned against him immediately, head resting on his shoulder.

“Rosie.”

Barty whispered.

“Yeah Bee?”

“Give me your phone. Look we both know it will bother you all evening not reading those comments if you have your phone on you. Just- out of sight out of mind, I’ll give it back to you once the movie is over but you deserve to have an evening off.”

Barty’s eyes were wide, expression genuine as he spoke. Evan hesitated then reached in his pocket for his phone.

“Don’t spam it with photos alright?”

A smirk spread on Barty’s face quickly, eyes sparkling.

“I make no promises Ev.”

Evan rolled his eyes but handed the phone over. 

The movie was something Pandora had picked, something from the late 80s, a strange mix of fantasy, reality and meta theatre that Evan actually didn’t hate.

Still he drifted to sleep at some point watching it, the stress of the day had clearly gotten to him and something about the way the top of Barty’s head made for a great pillow probably didn’t help.

Either way he woke up to the feeling of Barty shaking him.

“Come on sleeping beauty, let’s get you to a real bed. Here’s your phone back.”

Evan rubbed his eyes and got up, stumbling to his room as thanked Barty in a half asleep murmur.

He got to his room and turned on his phone, wincing at the glaring brightness, turning it down quickly. He opened his photos app, just as he’d suspected his camera roll was filled with new photos.

He began to scroll through them. There was one of his friends, all waving at the camera. A zoomed in shot of Inigo Montoya‘s face on the TV screen from a funny angle. Himself, looking dumb, sleeping with his mouth slightly open. He scrolled to the next picture and stopped. Barty with that cheeky grin of his, curled up against Evan, flipping off the camera. Eyes twinkling in that way that always made Evan feel a little warmer, a little brighter. He fell asleep again dreaming of a body pressed against his in a hug, the hum of a movie no longer playing, soft hair tickling his face and mischief painted in big brown eyes. 

For info about the position they’re sat in (it’s clear in my mind but I’m not sure how clear it is in the description), the song that they are playing and the movie they watch, look below the read more:

Position they are in before Evan gets on the sofa, red is Evan, green is Barty - yes Barty is uncomfortable, yes he would sit like that anyway bc Barty will do fucking contortion to be able to hug Evan argue with a wall

Don’t question the drawing skills, I can’t draw and did it in a moving vehicle

the song is EVOL by MARINA

the movie is the princess bride suggested by the lovely @lulublack90 who u shld defo check out bc she’s rlly amazing at writing

(Oh also Evan and Reggie are both trans in this)

[runnning-outof-time]

Better Than the Dream | Tommy Shelby x Reader

Request: yes by anonymous

Pairing: Tommy Shelby x reader

Summary: After meeting in France, (Y/N) (Y/L/N) and Tommy Shelby were certain that they'd never see each other again...until one fateful moment has Tommy dreaming of her, or maybe he's not dreaming at all.

Warnings: language, mentions of drinking, talk of war, injuries, blood, hospitals

Word Count: 3388

A/N: I….I’m not sure how I feel about this one…as I was finishing it, I realized that it was like my other story ‘Called to Serve’, even though there are some differences to the story. I decided to set it after Tommy’s injury in season 2. Enjoy! :)

A/N 2: also I’m sorry this is being posted late…I didn’t have much time to get it edited today.

PLEASE LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK!

Comment/Message me if you’d like to be tagged in future stories similar to this one!

"Would you stop fucking wincing? You're gonna get that bloody thing stuck into me hand as well," Tommy grumbled as he continued to hold down pressure on his fellow soldier's hand so that he wouldn't bleed out anymore than he had already.

"I'm trying me best, Sergeant Major...it really fucking stings though," Donny, the unfortunate one who'd gotten barbed wire stuck in his hand while their company was on overhaul, responded, the second half of his words coming out like a hiss as he winced yet again.

The curtain that was separating the bed and chair these two men were occupying moved before Tommy could say anything else. From behind it came a woman, dressed in a nurse's outfit with a clipboard in her hands. "Donald White?" she asked as she looked up from the papers, a polite smile on her face.

"That'd be me," Donny responded, raising his good hand as he spoke, "me Sergeant Major's come with me...he needed to make sure the bleeding was controlled," he added then, explaining the other man's presence.

"Hi," she sent a nod and a smile in his direction, almost immediately noticing the pair of ocean blue eyes he had. She had to look back at the patient so that she didn't get sucked into them. "What's happened here?" she asked then, focusing on the injury.

"We were doing overhaul and I got this section of barbed wire stuck in me hand. Most of it was able to be removed, but there's still some left inside," Donny explained. Tommy let go of the cloth he'd been applying pressure to so that Donny could unwrap it and show the nurse the extent of the injury.

The woman nodded almost immediately after seeing the damage that had been done. It was pretty obvious that there was at least one barb and some wire still stuck in his palm. "I'm going to get the doctor to come over...he'll be able to extract it," she explained the next steps of treatment as she went about writing some things down on the clipboard.

"You've an English accent," Donny pointed out, a bit of a smile forming on his face. Neither he, nor Tommy, were expecting to hear one in a French run hospital.

"I do," the nurse answered, laughing slightly.

"Where're ya from?" Donny asked.

"Solihull," she answered with a polite smile.

"Ahh, ok," Donny nodded.

"I'm going to get the doctor now so that he can have a look at your hand. My name's (Y/N), if you need anything," she addressed both of the soldiers then, sending them one last smile before she turned and exited the closed off area.

Donny turned to Tommy with a grin seconds after (Y/N) had exited the room they were in. "She's fuckin' gorgeous, ain't she?" he asked, nudging Tommy's arm with his good hand. Tommy finally brought his eyes away from the section of curtain (Y/N) had exited through to look at his comrade. He didn't have to say anything, because the second Donny saw his face, he was speaking again, "yeah, she is...got you too stunned to speak," he ragged on his superior like they were part of the same rank again, and all Tommy could do was roll his eyes.

He wasn't going to deny something that was as obvious as the light of day. Their company had been given a week-long reprieve, and even though they were only one day into it, Tommy knew that he wasn't going to see a woman that was more beautiful than her. So he kept his mouth shut and listened to Donny's goading, allowing him some time to soak it up while he was injured.

——

Tommy returned to the same wing that he'd left his fellow soldier in two days ago, keeping his eyes peeled for the woman who he couldn't seem to get out of his mind since she left the room the other day. He, thankfully, found her, standing at one of the nurse's stations at the end of the hall.

"(Y/N), isn't it?" he asked as he approached her, successfully getting her attention.

"It is," she answered as she turned to smile at him, "what is it, Sergeant Major? Are you looking for Donny?" she asked, her voice sounding like sweet music to his ears.

"I'm not...was looking for you actually," he answered her, not caring how straightforward he sounded.

(Y/N)'s eyes widened slightly out of surprise when she heard his statement. "Me?" she checked to make sure, tilting her head slightly to show her interest in the answer.

"Yeah," Tommy nodded, "I was wondering if you'd want to go out and get a drink after your shift's finished?" he boldly asked her. A more pronounced look of surprise formed on (Y/N)'s face. That immediately made Tommy backtrack, "that might have been a bit too forward of me. I haven't even asked if you have someone, or if you're busy."

"No, it's fine," (Y/N) brushed him off, "I quite like the confidence actually," she added then, flashing a smile and letting out a slight laugh.

"So you'd be willing to join me?" he asked her, allowing a smile to form on his face. Her laugh, much like her voice, was music to his ears.

(Y/N) nodded before giving a verbal answer, "yes. My shift finishes at the top of the hour."

"I'll meet you outside," Tommy suggested, making her nod again. He nodded back, showing that he was happy that the plans had been finalized, before he decided he'd let her get back to work. "Which room was Donny in actually?" he asked her after she'd taken a few steps away from him.

She turned around to smile at him. "So you weren't only here for me?" she decided to tease him slightly.

"No. Just figured I'd see him while I'm here," he grinned, loving her attitude and the fact that she was able to banter with him despite everything going on around them.

"He's four doors down," she told him, pointing past him down the hallway.

"Thank you," he said to her, nodding one last time before he turned and went to his comrade's room.

—

"Are you only here because of Donny?" (Y/N) asked once their laughter caused by a story Tommy had told trailed off. She had her head rested on her arm that was propped up on the bar, and she was giving Tommy her full attention.

"No," he shook his head, looking briefly down at his glass as he let out a soft scoff, "we were granted a week's leave and sent into town instead of home...someone thought it'd be less money to keep us close. Cheap bastards," he explained then, muttering the final two words under his breath.

"Donny's having a terrible week off then," she commented, remembering the man that had come into her ward the other day.

"He managed to do it while we were doing overhaul," he shared another detail about the accident with her.

"Tough luck," (Y/N) stated, shaking her head as a look of sympathy formed on her face.

"That's Donny for you," Tommy responded, chuckling slightly at the thought of his friend.

"So where do they have you staying?" she asked him then, moving their conversation to another topic.

"A boarding house in town," he answered before adding, "it's an absolute shit hole."

(Y/N) sent him a sympathetic smile before looking at the bar. "I don't have anyone," she said out of nowhere, her statement shifting the topic of conversation yet again.

"What?" Tommy asked her, his brows furrowed as he looked at her once more. He was confused by her sudden statement, unsure of how to link it to what they'd been talking about.

"You said before that you hadn't asked if I had someone...I don't," she filled him in, calling back to the statement that he'd made at the hospital. Tommy nodded his head in response to her statement and looked at his glass again. Silence fell between them for a moment before she spoke again: "do you have anyone?" she asked him, her question making his eyes snap to hers in seconds.

He looked her over, his brows slightly furrowed in surprise. He didn't expect her to ask such a question. But he wasn't going to waste time answering it. "No," he told her, shaking his head for extra measure.

(Y/N) felt her throat go dry at his answer. Am I really going to do this? she asked herself, taking a moment to think her choices over. "It might be a bit forward of me to ask this, but..." she trailed off, thinking over it again. Ah, why not? "Would you like to come home with me tonight?" she asked her question, rushing to get in: "it'd give you a chance to sleep in a proper bed," so that her intentions weren't that out there in the open.

Who could blame her though? Almost all of the men around her age living here had gone off to fight as well. There wasn't anyone left, and as much as she hated to admit it...she still had desires too. And the fact that Tommy was a good looking man greatly helped the cause.

Tommy looked her over again after hearing her proposition. A grin ghosted over his lips as he nodded his head slightly before answering, "I would like that."

His answer made the fire that (Y/N) had been feeling in her stomach since the moment he'd found her today begin to burn out of control. She couldn't help but exude a giggle, feeling giddy that her attempt had actually worked.

"Would you...want to get out of here now?" Tommy asked her then, trailing off in the middle of his sentence, but completing it before she could interject with anything.

"Yes," her answer was said in a breathless manner, but he heard her loud and clear, and the two left the bar after paying what they owed.

—

The door to the apartment was barely shut before Tommy had trapped (Y/N) in his arms. It was no secret what the two wanted from each other. The hand holding and shoulder brushing on the walk back made it rather clear. But still, his kiss took (Y/N)'s breath away, and the way that her hands were roaming his body made Tommy feel dizzy; something he hadn't felt with the women he'd been with before.

Every night for the rest of the week ended that way for Tommy and (Y/N). He would come to the hospital to check in on Donny and then would wait around for the rest of (Y/N)'s shift until she could leave. They'd go to the tavern for some drinks before winding up at her apartment again; where they'd end the night wrapped up in each others' arms.

It was a nice arrangement, one that lasted right up until Tommy came to the hospital at the end of the week. Donny was being released after his stay (his hand had thankfully healed without infection) and their unit was due to move onto another station. Which meant that it was time for Tommy and (Y/N) to say goodbye.

The two soldiers were walking down the hallway when (Y/N) exited one of the rooms she was cleaning. Her eyes immediately found Tommy, and they widened visibly. Without thinking, she backed up into the room in hopes that he wouldn't have seen her. But the knock on the door told her otherwise. Of course, she let him in.

"I wanted to say goodbye...before we shipped out to our next station," Tommy started, a solemn look on his face. Spending time with her this past week was the closest to normal he'd gotten in a long time.

"I appreciate that," (Y/N) answered, a sad smile forming on her face as her eyes met his for a moment. She didn't have it in her to hold his gaze for it might have made her start to cry.

"This past week was lovely, (Y/N)," he told her, taking her hands into his. "Thank you."

"I enjoyed it too," she answered, her heart squeezing as she admitted this. It was making the situation all the more real.

"C-can I kiss you one last time?" he asked her then, wanting to kick himself for how juvenile he sounded.

"Please," she breathed quicker than she would have liked, but the timing didn't phase Tommy. Upon hearing her answer, he dropped her hands and grabbed her cheeks, pulling her to him for one last head-spinning kiss. They broke away moments after, their foreheads finding each other. "Goodbye, Tommy," (Y/N) was the first to speak, and she hated that her voice cracked when she said these two words.

"Goodbye, (Y/N)," he repeated her farewell, lifting his head so that he could press his lips to her forehead before he dropped his hands from her completely.

They offered each other a sad smile before he exited the room, leaving her alone once again.

"So that's why you were coming to see me every bloody day, eh?" Donny questioned with a wide grin on his face once Tommy was back by his side.

"Fuck off, Donny," Tommy grumbled, not in the mood for the banter.

"Ahh, I get it. It's hard to leave," Donny commented, picking up the signals that Tommy was putting down.

The two walked out of the hospital then without saying another word to each other. Back inside, (Y/N) had to put a smile back onto her face before she re-entered the hallway, even though she was hurting because she knew she’d never see Tommy Shelby again.

——

—1921—

Tommy was slipping in and out of consciousness as he was carried by stretcher into the hospital. He couldn't remember much from the beating he’d gotten; just that Sabini had been standing over him, grinning, as one of his men aimed a revolver at him. The Italians then scattered after another weapon was fired, and Campbell became visible before he blacked out completely.

He knew he was at a hospital now. The blinding, overhead lights of the operating room easily gave it away. There were doctors working on him. He could just barely feel their prodding as they tried to figure out the extent of his injuries. Every inch of his body hurt. It hurt just to think, and he couldn’t bear it much longer. So he closed his eyes and allowed complete blackness to overtake him.

The room was much darker when Tommy woke again. He looked around as best as he could, trying to get familiar with his surroundings. Things were starting to come together when he felt something touch his cheek. He jerked his face away before quickly turning his head to see (Y/N) (Y/L/N) with a rag in her hands. She looked worried, but not put off by his sudden movement.

"You...you found me again?" Tommy stammered, his voice coming out in a hoarse whisper. It was slowly becoming apparent to him that he was in her apartment in France.

"You were attacked. They brought you here," she explained to him while dipping the rag into a bowl, "I need to get you cleaned up." He nodded and allowed her to continue on with what she was doing.

"Can I hold you again?" he asked after silence had been hanging between them for a few moments.

She looked around the room for a moment, which Tommy found odd. "You can," she then answered, and he wasted no time in opening his arms for her. She smiled before moving into them.

Tommy inhaled her scent as she settled in his arms. He found it odd that he couldn't really feel her, but he didn't think too much into it. He had her again. "Can I stay here with you forever?" he asked after they'd been still for a few minutes.

(Y/N) giggled as she heard his question. "I'm not sure if you'd be allowed to..." she trailed off, her smile a sight for his sore eyes.

"What do you mean?" he furrowed his brows, confused by her response.

"Wake up, Tommy," she said to him, her statement confusing him even more. In what way is that a response to my question? he wondered, but yet he couldn't ask her because she was speaking again, "Tommy..." this time her statement was accompanied with a slight shake.

Things got much brighter in the room then, so bright that it made Tommy squeeze his eyes shut. He couldn't handle the pain that it was causing in his head. When he opened his eyes again, everything was different. He was no longer in (Y/N)'s apartment, instead he was in what looked to be a rather large hospital room. He was laying down instead of sitting, and he didn't have his arms around the woman he couldn't seem to erase from his mind. But she was still in front of him.

"(Y/N)..." he said her name, his voice still groggy. He felt a heaviness in his hand and it made him glance down to find that he was holding hers. "Wha...how are you here?" he asked, his confusion apparent in his words.

"I'm your nurse, Tommy," she answered him, throwing the formalities out the window. She felt that they were past all of that.

"Are we still in France?" he asked her next. This hospital seemed to be in much better condition than the one he remembered meeting her in, but it was the only way he could make this make sense.

"No," she shook her head softly, a gentle smile on her face. This information made Tommy's brow furrowed in confusion. "I think you were having a dream, Tommy," (Y/N) spoke up when she noticed his expression.

"But you're still here..." he trailed off, voicing the part that he was most confused about. He was unsure in saying it though because he didn't want her to disappear when he admitted this observation.

"I moved from Solihull after a position opened up. I work here now," she explained to him, her answer making his confusion dissipate. He simply nodded at this new information, taking a moment to think about what it meant.

Silence fell between them after she finished speaking, and she took that as her go ahead to complete some of the tests that she was required to run.

Tommy was the one to speak after a few minutes had passed, "so you're in Birmingham for good now?" he questioned her, watching intently as she continued checking him.

"I am," she answered, not losing focus on what she was doing. Another period of silence began. (Y/N) waited until she was finished with her tasks before she looked at him again. "So the dream you had..." she started off, unsure of how she'd word the question that had been burning in her mind since he came to, "is me being here better, or worse?"

Tommy chuckled slightly at her question, "oh this is better, love. You being here now is way better than the dream," he told her, a grin tugging the corner of his lips upwards. (Y/N) smiled at his admission. "And this may be a bit straightforward, but I wanted to know if I could take you out for dinner?" he asked her then, not wanting to waste any more time in getting them reacquainted with each other, "if you don't have anyone, that is," he added to the end.

(Y/N) giggled slightly as his final statement made her think back to the first night they shared with each other. "I don't have anyone," she started, a smile forming on her face, "and I'd love to have dinner with you, but..." she trailed off then, biting on her bottom lip. Tommy sat up straighter as he waited intently for what she would say next. (Y/N) noticed this and couldn't help but smile as she delivered the rest of her statement, "we need to make sure you get healthy first."

Tagged: @mgcldydrms @the-anxious-youth @cloudofdisney @look-at-the-soul @elenavampire21 @mrsalwayswrite @julkaamazing @evita-shelby @lilyrachelcassidy @notyour-valentine @shelbydelrey @december16-1991 @onlydeadcells @peakyswritings @just-a-blackhole @watercolorskyy @strayrockette @peakyduchesss @alexxavicry @captivatedbycillianmurphy @yummycastiel @dark-academia-slut @tommystargirl @stevie75 @lyarr24 @signorellisantichrist @zablife @anotherblinder @midnightmagpiemama @cillmequick @rangerelik @dandelionprints @letal-y-poetica @raincoffeeandfandoms @itscheybaby @gypsy-girl-08 @lora21 @insanitybyanothername @depxiety @dragons-are-my-favorite @acewritesfics @forgottenpeakywriter @cilliansangel @cljordan-imperium @areyenotfondofmelobster @little-diable

MASTERLIST

[tarotwithdanise]

WHO IS SHE?

꒰⠀sections

[ 1. ] who is she?

[ 2. ] what's her divine feminine message to her?

[ 3. ] what's her traits that most people look on her up the most?

how to choose pile?

꒰⠀from left to right ; intuitively choose the pile your mind, heart and soul desire for. if you are having trouble choosing the right pile for you, here’s some tips you can do ; (1) take a deep breath (2) close your eyes (3) ask guidance from your guides (4) finally open your eyes and you can choose the right pile for you by the guidance you ask from your guides. if you are still having trouble by choosing the right pile for you let me know because i am willing to help and guide you.

PILE ONE PILE TWO PILE THREE

rules, disclaimer and notes ☆

[ 1. ] just a quick disclaimer : this reading was made for entertainment purposes only. this is obviously a general reading so takes what resonates and leave when it doesn’t, you don’t need to force your energy to read this and leave such a bad comment just to say it doesn’t resonates with you at all because the answer is very obvious! i don’t own any these pictures i collected them from pinterest so credits to the rightful owners.

[ 2. ] please ignore any grammatical errors on my reading since english is not my first language, thank you for understanding!

[ 3. ] third to the last one, if you are not an avid fan of this kind of readings and not totally 100% agree about the outcome of this pac please just ignore this post and don’t engaged anymore, this pac can contains harsh, hurtful comments about you so don't take it seriously since this is general , so kindly read at your own risk and take how it’ll resonates.

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SOURCE AND CREDITABLE : all of the pictures are collected and downloaded from pinterest , i don’t own any of them but credits goes to the rightful owners but edits belongs to me. i use the editor tools canva and ibispaint for the header and divider.

deck and tools used : waite-raider tarot, the light seer tarot, the divine feminine oracle, charms, intuition and alphabet and numbers 100 pcs wooden scrabble tiles + pen and paper for channelling the names and physical appearance.

PILE ONE

[ who is she? ]

temperance-the emperor-ten of sword rx-eight of wands-nine of swords.

She finally mastered the art of loving and appreciating herself more. She began to concentrate on her long-term ambition and goals. She has attracted a lot of attention, and people think she is fun to be around. Despite the fact that she is viewed as pretty and delicate by others, she also has insecurities, and for some reason, she has a tendency to believe that she will not be able to keep up with them. Before the sunset vanish, you'll occasionally catch a glimpse of her before she returns to her familiar surroundings, the moon and stars. She's very impatient, so she usually juggles many things at once and expects immediate results. She has shrunk the pain from the past and accept the truth, she experienced numerous tears and heartaches as a child and the empty existence she was led deep within her inner soul, with only few pleasant memories, that have left her exhausted throughout her childhood life; however, she now realizes that everything happened for a reason. She needed a long time to comprehend this significant substance. To emerge from the gloom, she had to go through a lot of hardships. She is now applying what she has learned from her previous difficulties and was trying her best even it's small or little progress.

She is also mature and old now. She doesn't want other people to go through what she have gone through, but she wants to use her skills and abilities to help other people like her. She is the kind of person who brings out the best in others. She will lead very different lives as an adult than she did as a child. She adheres to the rules; seems like a winter before becoming a ravishing spring, and she pursues her dreams and goals in the same way and with the same level of class and honoring her dignity. There is no need to rush anything that is taking place on her; everything is meant to happen. From her past, she has always preferred to remain out of the spotlight and kept her identity a secret, she anticipate becoming an excellent communicator when she is got older. Despite being a she, she possesses a strong masculine energy. She will be self-assured and certain of her own worth in the right time and ready to take charge of any circumstance.

[ nutshell/keywords ]

fear of showing their talent, impatient, masculine energy, moving from one place to another especially foreign countries, have a habit of walking, eating or talking fast. lesson learned, daddy issues, peace, anxiety and balance.

[ who is the divine feminine that have message for you and what are their message to you? ]

The Divine Feminine, Thecla and Mary Magdalene, have a message for you. You should know that your life is in your hands, according to your divine feminine. To do this for your own benefit, you don't need permission from anyone else. Right now, you hold the power. You are in controller of what you want for your future. Don't allow other people to rule over you. You are free to cut ties with those who are no longer serving you, if you just choose and wanted to. Your divine reminds you of your soul's mission for this lifetime and wants you to know it. They also want you to accomplish all of your goals. You can be anything you want to be. You won't have to worry because they will support you spiritually. They also want you to know that love, the love you had for yourself, is your true power. They want you to have self-confidence and stop doubting your abilities and talent. Because love is your power, it will never ends and will always reside within your heart. You are still a human being, so forgive yourself and accept who you are.

[ what traits that most people look on her up the most? ]

the lovers-ace of wands-the world-five of pentacles.

You are loving human, you like demonstrating or sharing your values to others is one of the qualities that people most admire to you. You may come across to some as someone who puts a lot of effort into their appearance. However, you are someone who listens with insight, openness, and honesty. I recently came across the phrase "on my way to my self-love," so perhaps some of you have made significant progress in your own personal development. Numerous issues that had previously held you back have been resolved. Just keep practicing self-love and acceptance. While if you have current partner right now, they look up your romantic nature. Do you really want to relocate, perhaps to another country? because there is always a sign that someone is moving here or moving to another location/place. People also do look up to you because of your abilities and upbeat demeanor, if you frequently travel to other countries you'll likely to impart your knowledge and skills. You also have a passion for learning; In fact, you need to continue learning in order to feel happy and better. Learning is an integral part of your journey and life. If you have colleagues/coworkers they look up on this trait of yours where the fact that you can be counted/lean on and can be trusted in every important matters of them to you. They also adore your success in achieving your goals, particularly your glow and self-acceptance. These people who love you the most will see how far you've come and how hard you try to keep up, but the end result is well worth it. You will ultimately be someone who rises from the bottom to the top.

significant zodiac signs : their chart have a strong gemini and sagittarius. aries, scorpio, aquarius, virgo, cancer and capricorn. (sun,moon,rising.)

initials/names : J-J-S-M-A-P-D-S-B-E-C-T-B-H-H-U-I-Z. ( pearl, sam, bea, kaori, ayemi, emily, pari, aadhira, emilliana, phoebe, sol, selene, diana, jenny, meera, thalia, ann, cordelia, joy, jade, denise and madison. ) I hope they were spelled correct, please me know if they don't.

possible physical appearance : deep dimples, brown/light shade of eyes, chubby with curves body type, long nails with nail polished, wear eye glasses/contacts, short hair to medium hair length that always tied up or only have one style, pretty hands, significant nose, reddish cheeks(maybe from make-up), moles on face, chest part and hands, might have rings(2-3), necklace with small pendant, flat/rubber shoes, likes to wear neutral color of clothes, pimples on the back, shoulders or face, nice and teeth straight, hair color is brown/black but might dyed into pink, red or purple shades.

extra messages : intimidating, cold, childish, type of person take a long of time to get the joke of someone but laughing of it like it was the best joke they ever heard in their entire life, might love cats rather than dogs, boyish, anime, quite type, kpop, taylor swift, paramore, melanie martinez, broke, might have problem on menstruation, intelligent, likes and enjoy to eating foods, abundance coming on her before this year ends.

songs that i picked for this pile :

Thank you so much for reading, let me know your thoughts, feedbacks as well tipping and reblogs is well appreciated !! ♡

࿙‌֒࿚࿙‌֒࿚࿙‌֒࿚ 𝓞 ops you already reached the end. ࿙‌֒࿚࿙‌֒࿚࿙‌֒࿚

PILE TWO

[ who is she? ]

She is unhappy in her current situation, and her lack of mental stability prevents her from pursuing pure happiness. Additionally, she lacks self-motivation, which results in missed opportunities that would otherwise satisfy her needs and desires. She feels distant and disconnected from others because she have lacks of trust. She believes that whenever she confronts them, people always speak negatively about her. People perceive her as aloof and quite but all she wanted was to defend herself from those who were attempting to harm her. She has a kind heart and is willing to lend a helping hand to anyone she thinks might benefit from it. She enjoys showing respect and class to others. She will be an effective leader and will thrive on financial security. She believes that anything is possible, no matter how difficult her life is or what she is going through at the moment, and no one can take this kind of nature away from her. She can sell sand in the desert if she wants to, and she might succeed in the business world.

She has a tendency to overthink a lot, but she has big dreams and moves well in any direction she choose. She can set trends because she appears to have magical powers and can turn anything she touches into gold. Somehow she is cruel to herself in some way and always pities and judges herself, but she was unaware that she is born as an alpha. She doesn't realize it yet but little she don't know is that she will be. She needs to believe to herself that she can do everything she wanted to be, she got a strong manifestation abilities.

[ nutshell/keywords ]

throw her in pack of wolves, she'll comes back leading it, manifestor, rought to themselves, dancer/singer, strong mindset for goals, kind, generous, can be a great business owner, missed some important things, likes to spread happiness but deep inside was hurt, ask univers to tap the bigger forces to make her desires come true and unstable.

[ who is the divine feminine that have message for you and what are their message to you? ]

The divine feminine that has a message for her are freyja and rita of cascia. You spent many days, hours and minutes of your life by choosing wisely which one is better and good for you. You know what is good for you, you understand the timing of divine and you have fully trusted it. Your divine feminine wants you to say yes only to where you think it's worth to have for and don't be afraid to say no so that you can only say yes what will nourish you. They want you to choose the life you want to have right now. They want you to know that every second you spending is very important. Be a warrior and not a worrier, always believe anything is impossible from this world and know that you are capable to do everything freely, don't lock yourself in a cell. Don't be a prisoner with a chain on their feet. Forgive yourself and others, forgiveness is about setting yourself free. Don't lose hope, keep praying and trust the divine timing.

[ what traits that most people look on her up the most? ]

queen of wands-page of wands-justice-seven of pentacles.

The fact that she puts in a lot of effort is one of her most admirable characteristics. You have a very upbeat attitude toward other people, especially with your friends. Despite having a lot of friends, you've thought that you were an introvert or a very introverted person. Despite this, people always try to figure out who you really are because they think you are mysterious. And the fact that you are always there for your friends when they need you is one of a trait that they admire in you. You may have been like a mother figure to this group of friends, which is why they see you as one of their closest and good friend. Everywhere you go, you bring harmony and equality. You wants lust for life, as I said, and she will be good at bringing everything she wants into her life. You adore the outdoors and find that a place like this brings you such inner peace and tranquility—perhaps for some of you it's your grandparents' property well maybe you visit often. People also admire you because you have a lot of patience and might want to plant seeds for a long time in the future. I'm not sure if you're the kind of person who doesn't want to be the center of attention but ends up being one. People adore the fact that you have a big heart and you don't hesitate to express how much you care about your loved ones. You are about to end a routine but are continuing to do the same thing but in new ways and strategies.

significant zodiac signs : aries-gemini-aquarius-cancer-taurus-capricorn-virgo-libra-sagittarius-scorpio. (sun,moon,rising.)

initials/names : M, V, Y, Y, S, M, T, D, H, I, A, A, A, B, P, C,R, U, U, U, Z, & K. ( ishi, victoria, may, melissa, dalia, dorothy, anna, alexa, ruby, athena, rose, chloe, leah, rhea, kyla, khyra, saira, sara(h), sandy, megan, belle, luna, lily, iris and ivanna. )

possible physical appearance : long curly/perm hair, hoodie eyes, light/dark color set of eyes, scars, tattoos, always have hair pins on their hair, lips is not too big nor too thin, smaller/average of height, hoodies, shorts, might have a stretch marks, hairy body, might have brace, have like a elephant moles, crop tops, long skirts, noticable eye bags, small bags or purse, red and black colors are significant for them.

extra messages : kind but can kill if anyone hurt their loved ones, somehow popular or well liked by others, type of someone who'll forgive but will never forget and no more second chances, end up making healthy choices when it comes to love and life, strong will for financial abundance, have many options right now, karmic relationships and lessons and missing the old happy and memorable memories.

songs that i picked up :

Thank you so much for reading, let me know your thoughts, feedbacks as well tipping and reblogs is well appreciated !! ♡

࿙‌֒࿚࿙‌֒࿚࿙‌֒࿚ 𝓞 ops you already reached the end. ࿙‌֒࿚࿙‌֒࿚࿙‌֒࿚

PILE THREE

[ who is she? ]

You can call her if you want to see someone who likes to be silly around with other people and laughs at their own mistakes. When she's around, she always makes everyone around her feel happy. She is the kind of person you can rely on when you have work to do because she is committed, dedicated, and fully focused on the task at hand. She'll be friendly and likely leave a big impression on others. She is strong, successful, and mature. She always looks for the good in every situation, and I can't blame her for being brave as a lion. She doesn't even question it when she thinks this is right. She continued to live her life, despite the times when she felt down, thanks to the strong motivation of her family and friends.

She will seize the power and opportunities. She makes every effort to improve herself and there's a high chance of her to establish an empire. She will succeed by working for herself example making her own business.

She enjoys having parties and getting to know new people. As long as they are the center of attention, she typically has a large group of friends with whom they enjoy interacting. People are most likely to fall in love with her frequently because of her style, beauty, and charisma, which will make them stand out wherever they go. She is most likely asleep when she vanishes where you can't see her everywhere and when you can't hear her loud and raucous laughter, conversation, or voice.

[ nutshell/keywords ]

a loud friend 24/7, might feel ugly and insecure with their body sometimes, positive individual, type of someone whom you can't turn down that easily, party people, well liked and loved, have a lot of secret admirers, considered themselves already successful person and dedicated with their works.

[ who is the divine feminine that have message for you and what are their message to you? ]

The divine feminine that has a message for her are kali and perpetua.

Kali and perpetua are the divine feminine beings who have a message for her. Your divine feminine urges you to remove anything that no longer serves you because doing so will be beneficial to your own well-being. They don't want you to waste any more time proving who you really are, but you're doing fine right now. You come here to show respect, love, and care to others. They want you to know that you don't have to be afraid of everything and that your purpose in life is not to please others or make them proud of you. There is wisdom and truth within you, so if you believe you are not on the right path, you can begin again. Being real and authentic is your greatest power. Writing can help you express your inner voice, whether you already have a journal or want to start one. And as you dare to live the truth, that voice transforms into your own light—a fire—that calls you and claims you.

[ what traits that most people look on her up the most? ]

the fool-six of pentacles-the heirophant-strength.

I adore how each pile allowed for its own puzzle to be solved. Okay, people look up your originality and uniqueness, and yes, I can understand when you act childish at times. You are able to see the good in everyone, and this ability of yours, you have an access to make people more likely to be taken advantage of, if you use to. You are not as concerned about the material world as the rest of society, which is frequently noticed by others. People see you as creative, and your ability to think outside the box helps you succeed. Because of your generous and caring nature, children will admire you and adore your presence. They've always wanted to be near you, even though you don't want to be with them. Some people think you're good at singing because of your beautiful voice.

People adore that you are an open-minded individual who is open to other people's ideas and beliefs. Last but not least, these people will admire your bravery—not only are you open about the beliefs of other people, but you are also not afraid to stand up for yourself when other people try to get in your way.

significant zodiac signs : leo-virgo-taurus-gemini-aquarius. (sun,moon, rising.)

initials/names : G, G, T, P, J, C, A, R, Y, U, K, L, L, V, Z, X, X ,I ,E, W, & S. ( jane, julie, patricia, ross, ysballe, ymir, zoey, catherine, shane, genevieve, geneva, lou, louse, angela, emilia, ella, eva, ena, kaye, urja, urshita. ) let me know if they were spelled right.

possible physical appearance : significant chess part, petite, long arms and fingers, tshirts, sweaters, likes to appear dark and light feminine, might have hair highlights, crooked teeth/nails, short nails but may have nail polish/colored, have a strong smell of perfume, might wear eye glasses and noticeable veins.

extra messages : funny person, likes bird, dogs, cat, have a crush start with j, m, t or p, eating chocolates, savage, light colors is their favorites, eating noodles and schedule is their wallpaper.

songs that i picked up :

Thank you so much for reading, let me know your thoughts, feedbacks as well tipping and reblogs is well appreciated !! ♡

࿙‌֒࿚࿙‌֒࿚࿙‌֒࿚ 𝓞 ops you already reached the end. ࿙‌֒࿚࿙‌֒࿚࿙‌֒࿚

⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀:¨ ·.· ¨:⠀⠀

Hello, everyone! It's been a long time since i uploaded my latest pac. I hope everything that i've said make sense about you even though I know that this is a general reading. I send a message to Universe that may everyone will be blessed, stay healthy and happy everytime they come across with my account. Happy weekends, expect more pacs contents to be posted. ૮꒰ ˶• ༝ •˶꒱ა ⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀

⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀ `· . ꔫ

© daninixx ── all rights reserved. do not copy, translate, alter, or repost my work.

[applestorms]

the winners & losers of death note

after repeatedly trying and failing to write this death note essay i'm just gonna go for it:

the fundamental flaw of L, whether you see this as a flaw/discrepancy in his character or the writing surrounding him itself, is the fact that by the time of his death, he has no clear win state. let me explain... by first talking extensively about light aljdsflksd.

MAJOR spoiler warning after this point. 3-ish (very long) sections.

1. light's goals: kira & utopian ideals (ft. fem!light)

i discussed this a bit in my tags on this post talking about how light's core character traits would translate over to a female version of himself, but to elaborate/summarize my thoughts further: i believe that light's fundamental flaw/weakness comes down to his desire to be Seen, to be recognized & validated by the people around him. i often see/hear people describing light's ultimate flaw as "ego," and while that's definitely a part of it, i think this is perhaps a more nuanced/neutral way of understanding it.

as has been pointed out before, light's goal of becoming the "god of the new world," isn't really an idea he immediately comes up with but rather is more of a retroactive justification that he clings to for the rest of the series after the initial rush of guilt he feels for murdering two people without thinking. this is perhaps even more obvious in the manga, as while episode 1 of the anime ends with light's claim to godhood, in the manga it takes him a lot longer to build up to that conclusion and really develop the full extent of his hubris. (EDIT: he totally says this in ch1 of the manga too, i just forgot. the point about it being retroactive justification still stands, though.) even so, i think post-death note light takes to this justification so easily for a reason: again, his desire to be seen.

before the death note, light takes a very understandable if somewhat flawed/juvenile approach to this sating this desire, specifically in how he aims to excel in every single system he is presented with, whether that be academics, sports/physicality (not just tennis, but physical attractiveness/neatness/cleanliness), and social interactions. it's that last category that i think is the most notable here, as light wants to succeed socially on multiple levels: on a personal scale, he aims to be pleasing and charming and polite to everyone he speaks to, for the sake of manipulating them, sure, but also so that he can extend that victory past personal relationships and into something Greater, into the Image of Light Yagami as the studious, respectable son. it isn't just enough for him to do well, he needs the reputation to go along with it, and the recognition and respect that comes with it.

this is part of the reason why the lind l. tailor moment is such a beautiful part of the writing of death note, as it is a moment where L simultaneously fucks light over massively, pinpointing his location and sending a squad his way in an instant, but also a moment where L gives light exactly what he wants: recognition. L doesn't just establish himself as a rival to take seriously w/ this move, he also reveals kira's existence to the world, that the deaths are the actions of a single person consciously and carefully acting and not just some divine power. he see's light's humanity, the potential cracks in his ego and temper, the overwhelming humanity of his ideals, efficiently using such traits to get kira to reveal himself in the first place.

i tend to take a lot of light's explanations of his actions to ryuk with a grain of salt as i think he is a lot less skilled at planning than he lets on, with his real skill being his in-the-moment acting & reactions, but i'm inclined to believe him when he tells ryuk in ch1 that

as a justification for not writing more specific deaths and therefore hiding his existence for longer. keep in mind, kira is established on the internet long before L enters the picture & the lind l. tailor incident-- light is utilizing the death note to push himself into the spotlight of the entire globe, not just the limited social sphere he grew up with.

(sidenote1: i think you can also definitely read into this on a more internal level of why light would want to be recognized so badly in the first place, considering how busy soichiro yagami most likely is and what their relationship looks like throughout the series. i don't think there's any evidence that he's actively neglectful necessarily, if anything light is described as being pretty spoiled & soichiro cares about him when he's around, but it still feels notable to me how empty his life is pre-death note. you can just Feel the silence as he goes through the motions in the first episode, barely talking to anyone as he ghosts his way through life. he might be succeeding in everything system he approaches technically, but that sure as hell doesn't make him happy. whether or not the death note makes him happy is a whole nother question...)

ANYWAYS. this is all to say that light's ideals give him a pretty clear win state, both in terms of what he actually, physically wants in terms of world domination/godhood, but also emotionally when it comes to what truly satisfies him. on a meta level, kira gives light really good motivation-- for the sake of his ideals, for the sake of trying to create his vision of a utopian society, for the sake of being Seen, he needs to keep writing names and out-thinking anyone who tries to stop him. on an internal level, it just starts getting complicated when the one who Sees him best is the one who fully dedicated to stopping him.

speaking of which.

2. L's goals: no real win state?

the lind l. tailor moment is such a fantastic instance in the story because it really works both ways in setting up the rivalry/mutual satisfaction that L and light grant each other. i've already described what light gets out of it, and simultaneous terror and delight that he gets out of it, but this is mostly an L post so let's talk about his side of things.

to my understanding, if what light fundamentally wants is to be Seen, what L fundamentally wants is to Win. ok, yeah, the way he says it is that he "hates losing," but same difference.

the problem with this desire is that in order for L to win or lose, he needs circumstances under which those options are the two main choices in the first place-- he needs a game, someone to test himself against, a challenge(r). when lind l. tailor dies and L proves kira's meager human existence to the world he practically sounds like he's cumming his pants, so i think we can assume kira stands as a particularly alluring challenge for him.

this also explains why L gets so depressed and frustrated with light over the course of the yotsuba arc. not only is light somehow out-foxing him by creating a circumstance under which he can claim not to be kira and actually be correct insofar as his memories are concerned, light has also set the game so that he's stepped off the board entirely, trusting his planning and his own non-death note influenced psyche and denouncing his role as a player entirely. in a way you could read this as light utilizing the one strength he has over L to his advantage: not just his awareness of the supernatural, as people often say, but the fact that kira has goals outside of winning, which can't really be said for L (or at least not without some additional extrapolation/interpretations of his inner psyche).

this is why my main claim here is that L doesn't really have a clear win state. for kira, winning consists of a few clear, distinct things: a utopian world, free from crime, under the reign of kira, where light has the control & worship of a god. for L, winning is a lot less distinct: really just. not letting light do all that. as this other post points out, it really isn't that far off to assume that L's motivations might've shifted from his initial state goal of executing kira, particularly as he gets more attached to light on an individual level, even if it's more as a rival than a true friendship. L is a liar and a troll, yes, but he still has "flashes of sentiment," and it makes a lot of sense to me that so many people see L winning as him stealing light away for himself to be locked away for the rest of their lives.

(sidenote2: i believe it was one of the jdramas (?) that actually does portray L winning but specifically at the cost of his own life, which again fits considering everything i just went through. i don't think L is actively suicidal at the idea of no longer having kira as a rival (well. <3< rival, the children yearn for kismesissitude), but. well, see the final section of this essay where i talk more about boredom for more on that.)

ultimately, light and L kind of suffer for the same reason: living for the rivalry, but also because of that never being truly satisfied no matter which way they come out in the end. the tragic yaoi of it all. i guess one of the conclusions here is that you should read this fic time speaks by aSmallMoon333 for a fascinating evolution of the rivalry past the supposed ending point of canon. anywho.

3. L's death: a failure of writing, or character?

hot take (??? genuinely can't tell if this is hot anymore so ig mean this like, partially sarcastically) but L's death is kind of really fucking unsatisfying, especially if you're witnessing it for the first ever time. i remember distinctly reading the manga back in high school and being really caught off guard by it, despite already having been spoiled about it, and while i pinpointed the cause initially being the fact that light doesn't even bother to write down the damn name himself, i think there's a lot more to this than that.

i've been writing about this idea of L not having a clear win state primarily under the approach of character analysis, looking at L's motivations and emotional desires to see how they inform what him winning would look like, but you could very well read this as being a flaw in the writing surrounding him as well.

L's not really a moral character, primarily because that's one of the main ways he's a foil to light-- where light is painfully, excruciatingly human, naive in his ideals, dedicated to them at all costs, L is a lot more apathetic, perhaps not to the same degree as near sometimes comes across (though he has more to him too, even if the anime doesn't really give enough time for that), but still enough to be generally considered a pretty amoral character. L definitely comes across to me as the type of person that understands the world deeply on an intellectual level, but struggles to meaningfully emotionally connect with it. the way he interacts with people is the clearest example of this, again making him a foil to light in that he gives no shits about how people view him and prefers staying hidden as much as possible, creating detailed psychological profiles of the criminals he follows but still misreading details in-the-moment while speaking to people (the autism. the autism), but i think this could very well extend to how he views morals as well, deciding that kira is evil on a logical level because people dying=bad but not really emotionally connecting with that. like,

yeah yeah they're both JUSTICE!! or whatever, but is this really true? not to get into an in-depth discussion on the nature of ethics & morality in my tumblr essay (though i actually wouldn't mind doing that...), but as the series and especially the yotsuba arc goes on, it becomes more and more clear that L's lack of attachment to people extends to his lack of attachment to traditional ethics. time and time again, L does shady shit for the sake of finding kira, whether that be covering the yagami household in a truly absurd number of cameras, recruiting actual criminals to help with the investigation, or chaining some kid to him 24/7 for weeks on end. this is a large part of the reason behind why i question what winning would actually look like for L-- would he be willing to turn kira in, should he get sufficient evidence to put light through the actual justice system? even if he is willing to give that rivalry up, i have a hard time believing he wouldn't want to confirm the death by doing it himself or something. but if that's the case, then why bother waiting? clearly, he's pretty fucking sure that light is kira, and he basically does figure everything out by the end of the yotsuba arc. so, why? is he waiting to prove it to the task force? is he still waiting for light to incriminate himself? but that seems like an awfully stupid thing to still be waiting for. what does L actually want here?

^^^ this last entire paragraph was basically my motivation for writing this, btw. ultimately, i still don't know if i have a conclusion that i'm really satisfied with, here. perhaps it really is just that light isn't the one to pull the trigger in the end, the nerve of a move that bitchy that kinda instinctively icks me out. or maybe ohba just wrote it bad!! idk. final thoughts-wise.........

one satisfying thing: in a way, light wins because he wins over people (namely, the rest of the task force), which tracks. the only reason why he keeps winning post-L death is because of this win, actually, which keeps him going for years despite the fact that he's doing objectively a dogshit job as L, as near so sweetly points out.

one unsatisfying thing: you could read L as losing because ohba doesn't actually have all that extensive of a view of what a good view of justice would look like, particularly in opposition to kira's view. in a way, L kind of just ends up representing a return to the status quo, where the criminals that kira is so desperate to purge are simply dealt with in the usual way & their crimes are a fact of life. perhaps this is asking too much, the rivalry alone is fun enough to watch without having to get too in-depth asking question about ideal global justice systems and the nature of crime & criminals. i genuinely do think a part of my frustration here is just that light was too much of a bitch to kill his main rival by his own hand, despite holding himself to a more respectable Standard in desperate moments prior (e.g. not taking the eyes deal w/ naomi misora). but it's at least an adjacent question, and maybe establishing more clearly what L's true win would've looked like could have made light's eventual victory just a bit more satisfying, instead of feeling like it comes out of nowhere after his extensive planning miraculously works perfectly according to keikaku. it's almost the marvel problem as is... but i digress.

bonus: boredom

in my recent reread/rewatch of the series, i keep getting struck by how much i really like the beginning of death note, like the beginning beginning of the series and when each main character is initially introduced, especially light and ryuk.

i don't think it's too much of a stretch to equate "boredom" with "depression" in this context. long before L is introduced to the series ryuk is the one being presented as light's equal and opposite-- parallels from opposite worlds, mutually disgusted by their own kind and the miserable state the world around them has devolved to. for L this sentiment is a bit less overt, mostly because again, apathy, but the fact that he spends the majority of his time hyperfixated on the worst parts of humanity speaks of something. perhaps i'll have more feelings about this upon rereading the ending, as that's a bit (a lot) fuzzy in my mind, but it's one of the main points i emotionally resonated with the strongest, a point of connection i keep coming back to.

light really is just a kid, at the core of everything. a teenager that did everything he was supposed to and still couldn't make himself happy with it. that's the real tragedy of death note to me, that for all he did to create a better, more ideal world, he never felt all that happy with any of it. not that he would admit that. but what is light yagami's greatest skill if not his denial...

[frankiebirds]

re one of ur last posts - what are ur nonbinary elle and spencer hcs?? :))

AH i actually dont have that many so a lot of these literally just came into my head. also i'm very sorry this mostly became "elle helping spencer realise he's nonbinary" headcanons, i'll have to think more about elle :((

this one is not my headcanon. i tried to find whose it is but for the life of me i cannot track it down, so if anyone knows please tell me so i can link them: they share a wardrobe. the only one who remembers which clothes initially belonged to which person is spencer, for obvious reasons. EDIT: got this from this post by @/spritehouse

elle has her shit figured out pre-canon but isn't doing anything about it because it's 2005. spencer does not have his shit figured out until after he gets with elle

well. he has it a little figured out. he knows there's something to figure out, he knows he isn't a cis man, but he's just like. i have way too much going on in my life already to think about that so i will ignore it <3 because that's worked out so well for him

pre-figuring his shit out, spencer is constantly (and largely unintentionally) mixing "menswear" and "womenswear". i really struggle to see a version of spencer where he and diana didn't experience serious financial issues after william left, and even as an adult, high-quality private psychiatric care like diana's is expensive. so, the majority of his clothes are thrifted (yes, i know about the $500 cardigans in later seasons. gifts from rossi <3) and he doesn't really care what section of goodwill he finds them in. so he's constantly wearing, like. a men's shirt under a women's cardigan over men's pants held up with a women's belt. post-figuring his shit out, this becomes intentional and he starts blatantly mixing styles. the kind of thing that gets him stopped in public by someone going "hey you know that's a women's...?" and he goes "yep! :D"

by contrast, elle, while she largely has things figured out, does not present the way she wants to for safety reasons. spencer helps her gradually feel more comfortable presenting the way she wants while she helps him figure out his gender stuff

as for reid's gender stuff, i think for a long time he's really overly fixated on labelling himself. the closest any label comes is bigender but that doesn't feel quite right and he has a lot of unnecessary angst about it. (not projecting at all shut up). eventually he's venting to elle one day about how he feels this and this and this about his gender and if he was to describe it he would describe it like this but he just can't figure it out. and then elle gets genuinely confused because it sounds to her like he very much has figured it out. it takes a long time for him to understand and accept that there isn't a magic word that will describe all parts of him, and he may never find one. and that's fine

elle does spencer's makeup. he looks in the mirror and cries.

penelope is the first person they come out to and she is DELIGHTED to have other trans people on the team. one more and they outnumber the cis people...

morgan is next. spencer says "we're nonbinary" and morgan says "is this like a 'we're pregnant' situation or are you actually talking about both of you" and elle hits him in the head. spencer immediately feels many times less anxious than he did before. i love u morgan

morgan asks spencer in private if he wants him to stop calling him pretty boy. spencer tells him to please never stop. calling him "pretty", an adjective usually used to describe women, paired with "boy" makes him very happy. with this in mind, morgan starts calling elle "handsome girl". elle pretends to be nonchalant about it, but it makes her really happy.

they never tell gideon. spencer can't handle the thought of him reacting badly. (gideon was under the impression that spencer was just closeted this whole time. oops!)

like i said, spencer REALLY likes being described as masculine and feminine in the same breath. when elle first introduces him to her friends, she says "this is spencer, she's my boyfriend" and spencer runs away to stim in private. elle's friends are very confused.

[enigmaticexplorer]

ALLI!!! CONGRATULATIONS ON FINISHING IYASIF 🥳!!!!!

I have absolutely LOVED reading this series and I am so happy that you've shared it with us! It's definitely a series that I'll be revisiting forever and it's certainly a favourite of mine 💙!

My favourite parts (so far) include the firework scene (I love the effort that Wolffe was putting in to try to show Kazi how much she means to him then how she sees him in a vulnerable state), Wolffe sitting watching Kazi swim after Aro had assaulted her (I am a forever lover of how protective Wolffe is of Kazi 🤌 and I could GO ON FOREVER about it!), Neyti talking for the first time despite how sad her reason is (also where she calls Kazi her mum in her muse!!!!), and lastly, I was seriously cheering Kazi on for her first time having sex with Wolffe (I was sitting so proud that she let him get that close to her you have NO idea, I was like a proud mama hen 🥰)

While I've fallen behind, I can't wait to find more favourite parts in the coming chapters and I'm going to really miss reading IYASIF for the first time 💙!

I also need you to know that I love how you characterise all of the characters, I love their motivations and personalities !! (Fox was a favourite who snuck up on me 🥰)

Last but not least, I have some questions!

What have you enjoyed the most about writing IYASIF?

From my own writing I have redrafted plot points and outcomes so many times so, did IYASIF look different when you were first writing it?

That last question in your list is calling to me! How much of yourself and your life experiences have made it into IYASIF?

Out of all the characters, who is your favourite, to write or to read (if that gives a different answer)?

💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙

I Yearn, and so I Fear Fic Celebration

Maia! Thank you!

You've included some of my favorite scenes (and I'm SO HAPPY you've liked them, too!)! If you like the fireworks scene, you might enjoy an upcoming scene, even if it is super short :) I, too, am a lover of protective Wolffe and him sitting there, watching Kazi, tired from lack of sleep, needing to check on her because, even though they're still becoming friends, he cares about her - something about that scene sits right with me. I'm surprised you mentioned Neyti speaking for the first time! It's an emotional moment, for me haha, and such a pivotal moment, so I'm glad you like it! And Kazi and Wolffe's first time! That was such a meaningful scene to me! All of the trust building from so many months (and so many chapters) and Wolffe's consistent patience and Kazi taking another step forward in trusting him - it all meant so much to me. Thank you for sharing your favorite scenes, I really appreciate it! (And I'm ecstatic knowing you liked the characterizations! Fox snuck up on me, too. And he did the same with Kazi haha.)

What have you enjoyed the most about writing IYASIF?

Seeing each chapter take on its final version. I am so critical of my work, and I think I've mentioned before how I won't reread things I've written because I can't stomach my old writing. But the final version of each chapter in this fic has surprised me. I find myself rereading sections when people reblog and I smile, or I chuckle, or I feel giddy. It's such a unique experience for me; I've never felt this way about a fic I've written. I wanted to give up on various occasions but I'm glad I didn't, because seeing this in its final form has been a comfort. So, I think that's what I've enjoyed the most, seeing this in final form and being proud of my writing.

From my own writing I have redrafted plot points and outcomes so many times so, did IYASIF look different when you were first writing it?

Yes! I wrote an entire outline with specific scenes for 32 chapters last May and June, and then I wrote my first draft immediately after. And then I wrote another draft. And then I started working on individual chapters and tinkering/editing/revising/rewriting them in December and throughout the posting schedule (I consider that my third draft, however, most chapters in Parts III and IV had five different drafts because I kept editing/rewriting them).

Most of the overall story remained the same: Kazi and Wolffe's relationship/individual arcs, Kazi and Daria's relationship/individual arcs; Kazi and Neyti's relationship/individual arcs; Fox's story arc.

A few things that significantly changed:

Originally, Aro was supposed to be a rebel leader. He was a questionable leader, set on destroying the Empire but willing to hurt anyone during the process, and he had an obsession with Kazi. To the point that he blackmailed her into a "relationship" with him. I scratched this entire plotline because it was too much for me. I've explored the dark writing in A New Tomorrow (which I believe you've read, so you probably know what I'm talking about) and I could not stomach writing something dark like that again. So, I removed that plotline during my outlining process in May and decided to make Aro a megalomaniac Empire sympathizer.

Along those lines, Moff Harpy was supposed to play a minor role in the story. During the first draft, I wrote in a few scenes where Kazi interacts with Moff Harpy. (It's Harpy who created a clone assassin lab and was also obsessed with tracking down traitorous clones.) However, it felt like too much. I didn't want this story to focus on the clone assassins/the Empire as much. I wanted to emphasize how normal, ordinary people are trying to survive under Imperial rule (I took inspiration from The Kite Runner) and bringing in Moff Harpy made the story too focused on trying to defeat the Empire rather than exploring what it would be like to live under a fascist government. I love stories that get into the nitty gritty about taking down the Empire, but I wanted to do something different here.

I don't want to spoil things but Daria and Cody's relationship was not in the first draft. (I get into this in a Behind the Scenes XIV, but I'll explain it here, too.) In my outline, I intended Daria and Cody to explore a relationship together. I thought their personalities matched well, and that they would be good for one another. However, I thought that readers would find it cringey that two commanders chose the two sisters. So, in my first draft, I wrote Daria having a relationship with Nova. It was AWFUL. I was forcing Nova to be someone he wasn't, and the chemistry between him and Daria was lacking. In the second draft, I said "fuck it" and rewrote Cody into the relationship with Daria. And I'm so glad I reverted to my original idea because they were such a delight to explore. (I also have delusional thoughts about writing their own fic as a companion piece to this haha.)

Those were the major changes to the story. But Parts III and IV had significant changes in each chapter between drafts 2 and 3. I'm glad that I wrote the first two drafts because it helped me decide what to include, what to remove, and what needed to be added. I felt like each draft allowed me to dive deeper into the story, the characters, the themes. And if it hadn't been for draft 1, then I never would've written the Muses! And if it hadn't been for draft 2, then I would've never dug deeper into Fox and Nova's characters! Both of whom surprised the hell out of me! Cody was a given - I actually spent so much time writing a character document for him (because I'm that person) - and didn't change much between the drafts, but Fox and Nova did! Anyway, I believe Chapters XVII through the Epilogue are all fairly different from their first versions. There are some consistencies (such as Chapter XXII being about sex, Chapter XIV being about Kazi's breakdown, Chapter XXV being about the winter holiday) but most of the scenes were drastically rewritten! And the last two chapters weren't even written because I kept telling myself I wouldn't do them justice until I was 100% sure of all the chapters leading up to them (which ended up being true).

Oh, I also had a few more smut scenes in draft 2 but I wanted to focus more on the emotional side of things rather than the physical (and I get afraid that I can't write smut well) so I removed quite a few smut scenes. I was afraid that readers might give up on the story without the additional smut, but I'm glad I made that decision.

That last question in your list is calling to me! How much of yourself and your life experiences have made it into IYASIF?

Oof, you're calling me out 😅

Honestly, I view IYasIF as a therapy project. Kazi is a direct reflection of me, my insecurities, my struggles with romantic relationships, my fears of abandonment and not being enough. Her storyline about sex and her discomfort and insecurity with it draws from my own experiences. Maybe this is embarrassing, I don't know, but writing her story was a way for me to acknowledge my insecurities, fears, and fearful-avoidant attachment style; it was a way for me to see a female character like myself [someone who isn't curvy or outgoing; someone who is aloof, and cold, and heartless (and yes, I've been called heartless by friends, in a joking way but it still stuck)] be loved, to actually be attractive to a male character. So Kazi is a reflection of myself.

As to life experiences: Kazi's resentment against her mother draws from my own experiences. Many of her conversations with Daria about marriage and loneliness and settling are conversations I've had multiple times throughout my life. Kazi's strong relationship with her father is also based on my own (my dad isn't dead, though). Her relationship with Daria draws from my relationship with my sister and how we struggled for many years (to the point that I despised my sister) and then evolved into something where we've grown closer. (Kazi and Daria have a closer relationship than my sister and I do, so perhaps I was projecting.) But their conversation in Chapter XXII about their parents is something I've thought about regarding my sister and me and our individual relationships with our parents (I am my dad's favorite, and my sister has always clung to my mom).

Out of all the characters, who is your favourite, to write or to read (if that gives a different answer)?

This is such a tough question. I loved writing Fox! He grew on me with each iteration of this story. Kazi was exhausting to write because I was writing about myself and that introspection sucks at times and weighed me down a bit; but her story was amazing to write. Again, I loved being able to write about a male character falling for a female character like me, and I liked the safety of writing Wolffe as this patient, consistent, understanding man. A part of me wants to write this story from Wolffe's point of view because he has so many thoughts (and there was a point in the first draft where I was going to include a chapter on the most memorable moments from his point of view but decided against it). But Wolffe is hard me to write inside his head. I don't think I do him justice, but he's such a delight to write from an outsider's perspective. I've totally screwed up this answer because I've listed three characters I liked to write for haha. Oh well.

For reading: I'm in a phase where I don't want to read fic about Wolffe, Cody, or Fox because I have such a firm view of them in my mind after writing this story, so other developments of their characters aren't interesting to me right now. Which is horrible, I know. Once I can remove myself from this story, I'm eager to get back into reading for all three, because I love seeing how other people portray these three men!

Thank you so much for these questions! If you couldn't tell, I had a lot of fun answering them :)

[nourrris]

I'm happy there was no season 4.

This could either be a popular, or very unpopular opinion, I'm unsure as frankly I've only began watching two days ago, and finished the show already, (god it was beautiful).

Anyways, I very firmly believe anything after a season 3 would have likely ruined the storyline, it ended on such a beautiful note, something that's so perfectly them. I'm also in a way, happy they never actually did kiss, although realistically I had been rooting for it to happen, the fact it didn't doesn't bother me one bit, it really brings out all the intimacy in their prior actions, and words, I love that their love was batshit insane, that it didn't need a kiss or pda to believe it was reciprocated, frankly surrendering eachothers lives together was more than enough for a confirmation.

But continuing on, I believe a season 4 would have been too messy, they left s3 on a very difficult position to recover off, and a position that didn't need recovering either, it didn't need fixing or changing - not one bit. It was so perfect in my opinion, their last things they did was kill a man together to save one another, then kill themseleves together, literally how much more fitting could it have been for these murder husbands? It just worked so well, that nothing can be more intimate than death for them, in my opinion.

Latching onto the last part of the first section of the post, I really liked how they portrayed the reciprocity of Will's feelings towards Hannibal. When Bedelia ask's Will if he 'aches' for Hannibal too, and it cuts off to another scene, I generally already took that as a yes, as it was a big damn claim, I don't think it's something you easily hesitate on, not when the person in question is a cannibalistic murderer. When he chooses to save Hannibal, and jump off the cliff with him though, that is the real confirmation of course, choosing to leave his wife and son, all friends and absolutely every inch of the life he made - for Hannibal, a man he physically could not get over no matter how hard he tried.

It's perfect, sorry I just finished the show today (like a few hours ago) and I love it so dearly, I've never watched something where the ending felt so genuinely satisfying, even if it seemingly hadn't meant to felt like a finale in that manner, it worked amazingly, I'm very glad it wasn't a s2 situation with such an insane cliff hanger, or else I would have probably just.. never watched the show. Some say it does feel like a cliff hanger, but eventually you can come to terms and realize that their actions, a double suicide in the name of love(?) couldn't possibly surpass anything else they've done at that point, their action's have led them to either horribly idiotic situations, or blissful moments.

Lastly I wanted to mention my original assumption of the ending, I midway through season 2 found out Hannibal was actually a incomplete cancelled show, also prior to that I found through spoilers that will eventually has a wife. Those facts are important because I very weirdly am a person who cannot consume a media without spoilers, (my anxiety is due to that). So I just about know every ending of a show before I'm even halfway into it, although I tend to prefer to wait later, I wondered if finishing the show was worth it so i searched it up, and watched briefly the ending, It was very relieving as if it actually did truly end in a heterosexual way it would have immediately made me quit the show, as yes they are intimite but I still did want any type of closure, without it I would have felt at most pretty indifferent with the ending.

Anyways, the show is beautiful, I love it so so much, even if it's a complete change in genres for me, I love the characters, I love the artistry and creativity in the show, and god do I love the ending.

(edit a day later: guys i totally missed that last scene w bedelia at the end, i still prefer s3's ending but did not know it was implied they were alive!!??!)

[phantom-of-the-501st]

Okay... so about that RadioTimes article

I was gonna make a post about this earlier and I didn't because I didn't feel like my thoughts were in a place that didn't come off as

But I think I've got my thoughts somewhat together, so I'm just gonna drop my (admittedly unnecessary) two cents on the whole thing.

"Imagined romance"

My question to whoever wrote this: have you watched the show and/or engaged with any other interviews involving cast/writers?

Not only is it (sometimes obvious) subtext in the show, but it's been confirmed by actors and writers alike. You don't even need to do much digging to find out about it. To me, it feels like it feeds too much into this idea that you can only have a romance if it's explicitly mentioned/shown through physical intimacy, which it doesn't! The show actually depicted a healthy, loving relationship between two beings without physical intimacy only for the fans to be publicly labelled as somewhat delusional for seeing it.

And then there's this bit...

(I'm saying this as a cishet female, so please jump in with corrections/added context if needed).

This made me feel incredibly weird when I first read this because the quote used didn't seem to be proving much of the point they were making. Putting aside the absurdity that is "resisted pressure to give in to the fan-fiction phenomenon", the fact that they immediately jump to using a quote about the characters' understanding of gender as proof of there being no romance feels so odd.

Am I just misinterpreting this whole section or something because the entire thing seems to be saying "Gaiman disproved the fans' delusion of an imaginary romance by confirming that neither Crowley nor Aziraphale understand the human concept of gender" as if the characters being gender non-conforming is proof that they aren't romantically involved?

Like, are we running with the idea that a romance can only be built between two people who each conform to a specific gender category? Someone please correct me if I'm wrong because I am genuinely baffled.

Or are they trying to say that they don't understand human concepts like gender and are therefore also unlikely to understand romance? (Edit: But even if they don't understand the concept of romance, surely that doesn't exclude them from experiencing those feelings). Or did they just pull a random quote that didn't quite work because there isn't actually one of Gaiman explicitly saying that there is no romantic connection?

Other than the last two paragraphs, I actually found the article to be quite interesting. But the end left a sour taste in my mouth.

On the plus side, we did get this gorgeous pic today. 🩵

Like I said earlier, please add corrections or context if necessary. Or just drop your thoughts in general. I know people were taken aback a bit by the article and while I don't think there was malicious intent or anything by the writer, it feels misguided.

But enjoy the Ineffable Husbands sitting on a rock together because it's a gorgeous photo.

[bloomingstay]

favorite kpop group tag~ thank you @binniesbang!

who is your favorite kpop group?

stray kids, if that was any surprise

which member sparked your interest first?

hyunjin! i've almost always been pulled in by the dancer (lee know i know but) specifically the style of dance hyunjin excels in. the isolation is so satisfying and cool. for some reason choreo always gets a song stuck in my head??

But also!! I had heard they produced their own music and that really got me interested in kpop again

who was your first bias?

chris bang 🤍 went from zero to ult within no more than two days tbh…

what makes them your current bias?

oh god. um. i'll put this in the least embarrassing way possible. (this is a kpop tumblr blog I should probably get over it)

it was a particularly bad year. i stumbled upon their silly videos (thank you stay for the edits<3) and they made me laugh. then i started seeing clips of chans room and him interacting with the boys and just like... he's so wonderful. he's generous and kind and loving and thoughtful. just a shy lil guy who also happens to be a flirt and a fucking dork and it's cute man idk shut upp

who is your bias wrecker?

i was certain i'd never have one, i truly adore each of those boys so so much.

i was however proven wrong after a very sweet, silly compilation of binnie being ridiculous. followed by a face cam of his sclass performance in the supreme jersey?? and the curls?? he has such amazing stage presence and he's a great dancer. but he kept going from his cute sweet binnie expressions looking like he was just so into it and having fun, to the "dark rapper" eyes and commanding stage presence. and like, wow. 🖤 i am a sucker for that kind of duality.

which members are you currently obsessing over that aren't your bias/wrecker?

in another reality han is my wrecker. that boy is the epitome of what i used to look for in guys: babygirl. lol. well, and insanely talented and funny and everything. I adore him

after befriending a couple seungmin stans, i started looking for pics and clips to send them and found myself so incredibly impressed with him and touched by some of the things he's said and done. plus he’s a funny little shit.

hwang hyunjin is such a sweet boy. since we got producer jinnie on the last album i have been looking back and just so impressed with his growth 🤍

when did you first discover the group?

(Upon editing I realize I read this as ‘how’ but oh well)

okokok so

i was a kpop fan 2014-2017 and went all in. kcon and concerts the whole thing

but then i was just on my usual 6 hour yt shorts binge as i tried to fall asleep and saw skz reacting to the "your eyes" mv, specifically felix's part, obviously. i watched it like 12 times just cry laughing at han screaming, hyunjin trying to escape, channie hiding behind his hands and squealing. it was just so funny to see a group kind of clowning their own shit? i thought they were hilarious.

then i saw julien (solomita) had reacted to 'topline' and i was soooo into it. immediately went to watch some mvs and decided cool i'll be a totally normal casual fan of this group’s music….. :)

THEN a lovely lady i'd followed on my 10 year old tumblr account posted about skz. i messaged her that I’d finally decided to check them out and she was kind enough to answer questions and entertain my onslaught of messages as I screamed about how much I love these boys. and she still does everyday so. thank you hana 🌸

have you ever been to one of their concerts?

not yet~

what are some of your favorite songs by them?

THIS SECTION TOOK ME WAY TOO LONG. disclaimer: I absolutely could not include non ot8 this would’ve been 30 songs (I’m probably going to cheat)

Hall of fame. bitch ever since that live stage (which was the first time I’d heard it) I’ve listened to the sclass album 3 times a week no joke, goddamn it’s so good. so just know, i pulled almost every song from that album off this list when i made cuts

levanter. a hard pill to swallow mid relationship struggles and holds a lot of meaning for me.

secret secret. i can't get over how professional this song sounds and how it was just a few years in?

leave. where i got my username~ like I said, relationship stuff. You have not yet really bloomed When the new season comes I hope the warmth will make you bloom Into a flower that never dies

sclass. *bling bling* HIPHOPSTEP. such a fucking chaotic mess of a jam.

megaverse. the breakdown? MEGAPHONE. Han, bitch? We make the rules nobody can hold me yeaaahhh. Your body shakes - STRAY KIDS EVERYWHERE ALL AROUND THE WORLD. Sorry, flawless.

gods menu. ate, bitch. chan was something the fuck else

domino. neeed I say more

social path is bomb

grow up. read lyrics for the first time just now ow

eternity. told u I’d cheat.

love poem. big cheat my list worth it

I am going to be so mad when I realize I missed a song I listen to 7 times a day but been doin this for 2 hours so I’m calling it. Also forgive me I’m still working through the discography (backwards) and haven’t listened to the full first couple albums.

the adhd is allowing no further focus or thought so i will be tagging the same friends as my last tag post no pressure <3

@channieblossoms @skzms @roseykat @thefantasyden @seungsungracha @astraysis @channieswife

Thank you again @binniesbang for tagging me~!

[yuhi-san]

So for the last day of @tristampparty have just some fun fact about trigun, escpecially july but lets get them done in order.

Despite being very, very obsessed with anime and manga and being quite active in german forums at the time trigun 98 first aired and was popular here… I was barely aware it existed.

I vaguely recall two people from a rpg trying to get me into trigon but they showed me the silly opening, vash skedaddling around like a lizard and him not having a bullet in the first episode. So it didn’t seem like something for my edgy teenage taste (oh sweet summer child I was.)

Trigon stampede didn’t show up on my radar at all either until I was traveling in japan in late july. I have no idea what even caused it but I went through the wiki, snooping for spoilers like any normal person. Which, sins the wiki contains stuff from trimax, 98 and tristamp it was. Uhm yea.

So anyway what I knew after was:

Vash and knives were species plant (which was so like ???? because I was thinking of trees without any context)

Also what the fuck is millions knives, how is that a name, this is almost as bad as the very manly male priest named ‘frau’

I am not going to entertine the section about a group that calls themself the freaking gung-ho guns, is this a joke

There is superhuman stuff going on with vash and also knives who is his twin.

Apparently he blew a hole in a moon??

He has a bounty on his head.. because he destroyed a city I think.

There are the two girls milly and meryl

Wolfwood dies (I vaguely remember seeing his death in a top then tragic anime deaths from watch mojo, I think)

when I came home from japan I just binge-watched it before going back to work.

So I went into stampede with very little context, but still some. I guess a lot of easteregs and hints went past me at first but that meant I was also unbiased (*cough*Roberto*cough* Milly *cough* new design *cough*)

I was delighted to hear johnny young bosch but a little disappointed we didn’t get any robin-esque gremlin cackle.

Was just a little surprised that wolfwood lived but I did eventually catch on that it was sort of an alternate prequel so to speak.

But then there is lost july.

See, I was vaguely aware vash destroyed I city. Sort of. But I don’t think I really took notice of july when skimming the wiki.

So the finale comes. Everything goes horribly. Roberto dies. At least meryl and wolfwood live. What knives does to vash is terrible. The fight isn’t looking too good for vash. The way knives kills the officers that attack vash.

and like vash was probably expecting it to be a suicide stunt to get the cube so far up in the air and detonate/fire (?) it. And in such a tragic way, it kills knives too (or at least that’s what it looks like to an unsuspecting audience and DEFINITELY to vash).

Everything is horrible but at least he managed to save the city.

Except it explodes anyway.

I was like WHAT!? WHAT!?

I’m telling you guys, I was shocked. I did not see that coming. In the slightest. I think I was still reeling from it by the credits.

Somehow, despite all the spoilers I’ve seen and read (also the couch…) I somehow managed to not expect lost july and was so blindsided by it

Edit: I posted this like three minutes ago but it just hit me what triggered me getting into trigun!! I’m pretty sure I never had trigon posts on my dash but somehow I had a post on it suddenly that was like this:

A screenshot of wolfwood saying to vash: don’t call me that! I’m Nicholas the punisher!

Then a short text about how he was trying to make himself and others believe that this was all he was or something along these lines and then the screenshot of the title drop “Wolfwood”

And then something really clever about how this was set up, as if right after wolfwood insisting he was just the punisher, the title drop immediately tells is otherwise. Like, no, no matter what you tell others and yourself, you are still wolfwood.

Actually if anyone has an idea what post that was hit me up.

[dangerous-disposition]

WIP Wednesday - Friday (from last week): romcom!AU edition

So I've just been plugging away at this fic and I actually kinda just forgot to keep posting the snippets but I'm here!!! I'm going to post the snippets I promise so here is the next section!!

The Set-Up - Steve POV & SFW

“You wanna take a shower before you go?”

“Probably a good idea. I’m pretty sure there’s lube in my hair,” Eddie complained lightly, raising an eyebrow accusingly at Steve. “You have any idea how that got there, Stevie?”

“I plead the fifth,” Steve responded and Eddie rolled his eyes with a laugh. When Eddie made a move to roll over to the edge of the bed, Steve grabbed his wrist lightly and smiled when the other man looked over at him curiously. “Quick kiss?”

Eddie’s expression relaxed, even as he sighed heavily and leaned over. “So needy,” he grumbled before kissing him. And Steve knew Eddie was just teasing, that it was just a joke, and he even knew that he was being a little needy.

The comment still cut Steve to the quick.

When Eddie pulled away, he immediately rolled off the bed and onto his feet. Steve absently registered that Eddie was complaining about something—“Jesus, my legs are still fuckin’ Jello.”—and he was pretty sure he laughed an appropriate amount when he realized Eddie was looking at him. Eddie had smiled back at him, broad and dimpled before disappearing in the bathroom, leaving the door open.

Steve watched the doorway for several moments before turning to stare up at the ceiling. Letting out a slow breath, Steve closed his eyes and tried to bring back some semblance of the confidence he was feeling just ten minutes ago.

“Needy.”

Letting out an explosive sigh, Steve ground the heels of his palms against his eyes.

It only hit so deep because it was true. At his core, no matter how much he tried to make sure everyone was happy and content, Steve was desperate for the attention and affections of others. He was clingy and pushy, and sometimes inappropriate like asking a one-night stand for a kiss before he went to take a shower before going home.

“Yes, Steve, you wanted ten days to ���get away.’ Not me, but you didn’t even actually ask me.” “You suggested it! What, I was just supposed to go on a vacation alone?” “Of course not, Steve. I mean, you don’t even go to the grocery store alone.”

The argument with Nancy was crawling back into his head for the first time since before he went to the pool. Steve had managed to tuck away the hurt and the bitterness, even while talking about her to Eddie, but now? While he was grappling with wanting Eddie to stay when the man wanted to leave? It was impossible not to remember what she said. Hell, didn’t he just prove some of her point? Not even twenty-four hours after she dumped him and Steve was already fucking someone and getting moody that they wouldn’t spend the night.

Steve only managed one night alone, and that was probably only because he was drunk.

Taking a deep breath, Steve worked to set aside those thoughts until Eddie left. The man would be finishing up in the shower soon, and Steve didn’t want him coming out to find him moping like a child.

Tagging the people who asked for a snippet: @sidekick-hero @scarcrossdlvrs @inairbinad @theheadlessphilosopher @hellion-child @stobinesque Tagging the ppl i think would also want to see this: @xenon-demon @lets-try-to-be-normal-otakus @thefreakandthehair @legitcookie @patchworkgargoyle @starryeyedjanai

[loftec]

Last week's Weekly Tag Wednesday!

Because I was festival prepping last week and had zero time for anything else but now I'm back and ready for some tags! Thank you @wehangout @mmmichyyy @michellemisfit for the tag (and also @deedala & @jrooc for the picrew tags!) <3

Name and A03 handle: lofty / loftec

Current Location: Sofa, living room.

Favorite picrew (don't have one? you can skip this or do this one)? I can't remember if I have a favourite one, so I'll just do this one!

The "SF" probably stands for something, but I immediately thought of Svensk Filmindustri and thought that was fun.

What's one thing you want in a picrew?

MORE GLASSES OPTIONS omg please. Colour and shape. I also really love it when I can build the hair in sections so I can colour my roots differently than the rest of the hair. Also, worse hair options. Come on, normalise 'I've got no hair texture or interest or time to do anything about it'. I feel like an imposter whenever I pick one of these perfectly swooshy dos.

Favourite thing you’ve created (or seen created) for the fandom?

None the wiser

Why is it your favourite? It's mad to think about but it was the first thing I decided to make for this fandom, and I'm still working on it (very very slowly) I don't know if I've ever spent this much time and effort on anything else. It's very special to me.

Did it come easily or was it hard to create? Both, right now it's very hard, but it usually comes back around.

Last ao3 fic you commented on? A Dead Boy Detectives fic, I'm pretty sure.

Biggest WIP heartache you’ve ever experienced? I'm embarrassed to admit that I don't usually read WIPs, not really because they're unfinished but because I don't often read long fic lol. My ideal fic for reading is a concise 5k oneshot, I am a terrible hypocrite.

Favorite trope or head cannon you like included in a fanfic? I do love a good outside perspective on Ian and Mickey's relationship not fully getting their dynamic and misunderstanding their special flavour of love. Also really like different canon-divergent stories where they get separated in different moments and then reunited in the future in various ways.

Least favourite? For most ships / fandoms I read fic of, I usually develop a set of icks that cause me to click out more or less immediately, often it's to do with a certain nickname or expression or act that I can't physically stand, or, you know, which signal a fundamental mismatch between mine and the author's focus/interests/views. Unfortunately, any mention of anything happening after season 5 has become a bit of an ick for me, which is deeply unfair to writers who embrace the later half of the show.

Secret or surprising kink or trope? No, I'm extremely basic tbh. My favourite time to read fic for a new fandom is always at the very start when everybody is writing the same super basic story over and over again.

Describe how you feel after you’ve created something new? The best feeling is when I know I've written the last sentence of a story or a chapter, it's always so clear that this, this is it, that's where it ends. I feel really accomplished and complete in that moment and it's great. Then there's still hours and hours of editing after that and it's usually 4 in the morning and I'm feeling slightly unhinged when I actually post.

Top hype man you have that always helps you get across the finish line: I tend to keep to myself when I'm working on something, but I can always rely on @mittimellan @wideblueskies & @the-rat-wins if I ever need to ramble about anything.

It's been a bad day, you turn to the fandom and you _____? Lurk and enjoy the good vibes and crafts. I probably also find something in my bookmarks that I've already read a thousand times and read it again.