#half asleep idk if this post is coherent

[genderqueersammy]

The most heartbreaking thing is seeing how Dean’s written to be a really fucking messy parentified child (because ofc no child can be a proper parent to another child) who tries and wants to do Sam good and yet fails and yet still loves and cares for Sam so deeply, and then finding out that the fandom wants him to be the same boring eldest child as a perfect parent troupe we’ve seen a hundred times

[boredbyler]

guys remind me how did will see the letters joyce painted on the wall and how did he reach them

[rhythmsmith]

Shouting into the void but I have been thinking about a ‘Faye Lives, but Kratos dies’ style au for Atreus…

Specifically I blame my Atreus cosplay from Halloween week, but in short the concept stems from an Atreus who took more after kratos in hair and eye color, and eventually learns to wield the blades of chaos in order to honor his father- alongside his bowman skills. Something something loosely following gow2018 but they go to Greece, something probably Ragnarök comes to pass alongside some post Ragnarök stuff

Most likely this verse is gonna be tied loosely to the Fawn Bear Wolf Falcon verse, since inherently all my aus fics tend to exist in the same grander universe…. Just parallel realities stuff, though I mean loosely bc the timelines might ultimately converge to some other fic in the future

(,,,, might mess around and use this as an rp idea too if anyone is interested in me yelling more about this au and plotting together)

[notebooknonbinary]

when Mike and Will are in first grade, they attempt to run away. This is spurred by two things: Lonnie Byers’ general presence, and the boys’ current favorite book series, the Boxcar Children. The thought of living in a train car seems super cool to them, and since they live so near to train tracks, they figure that there must be an abandoned train car or two somewhere nearby. They begin trying to gather supplies—as discreetly as two six year olds are able to, which isn’t very discrete. Jonathan, age 11, finds out almost immediately. When he tries to convince them why it’s a bad idea, they—with their little kid logic—actually convince him to go along with it, at least for a little bit. With the condition that he goes with (after all, there’s an older sibling taking care of the kids in BCC, right?). He helps them pack a little better, maybe talks to Joyce about the kids going on a camping trip (to get away from Lonnie for the weekend), maybe implying (lying) that there will be Actual Adults there with them. And there’s no need to make excuses to Mike’s parents—Karen is pregnant with Holly and the whole house is focused on getting ready for the new baby. Karen will likely just think he’s at the Byers’ house. So over a weekend (starting on a Friday after school), Mike, Will, and Jonathan go exploring— looking for a boxcar or any abandoned train car—mostly looking along the train tracks. They eventually find the Junkyard—which the kiddos get excited about anyway (even Jon bc Boxcar Children was his book first shut up), so they proceed to search for hidden gems. They find a bunch of little treasures (a cracked but useable magnifying glass, an old working radio, and even a set of slightly cracked dishes in the trunk of one of the cars), but their biggest discovery is an old Bus. Jonathan tells them that, at least for tonight, it’s almost as good as a boxcar. Mike and Will immediately agree and the trio set out to make the space livable (to kid standards, at least). Set up their blankets and sleeping bags, etc. Jonathan reads to them (from the Boxcar children ofc). And the weekend goes along in a similar vein. The younger boys get homesick by Sunday morning, ofc, so they agree that the Bus can be Their secret place that they go to sometimes. Like the boxcar in the Children’s backyard. (And then Jonathan forgets about it after a while bc I completely forgot about the whole bit in S1E7 where they’re trying to find the kids—won’t remember til they go to pick up the Party and then Jon will want to hit himself for forgetting. The rest of the Party (once they become friends) don’t know about it. It stays a Mike and Will thing—until the Bus is p much destroyed in S2 RIP Bus). Joyce never finds out. (At least not for a v long time—maybe it’s one of the memories Mike uses when Will is possessed by the MF) Not about This run away attempt anyway.

Will tries to run away the second time when they’re in fourth grade. Again, mostly bc Lonnie Byers and his A+ parenting. And plus Will thinks one less child might make things easier on his mom. By this time, Lucas and Dustin are their friends too (and thus voices of reason, bc Mike is an enabler who probably immediately offered up his basement). So they’re talking about it—going over the pros and cons (Mike is still advocating for his basement), but Karen happens to overhear and it’s immediately Game Over: Joyce is told. She is, ofc, devastated. And they have a long talk about how much she would miss him if he were gone (ouch I hurt myself😃). So that’s the last time he actually tries to run away (Joyce gives brief thought that that might be what’s happened at the beginning of S1, but with the confirmation that Mike is Not in the Know, she thinks it’s v unlikely).

(And then during/after the divorce, if Will wants to run away, he either runs to Mike’s house to spend the night, or he runs to Castle Byers… He runs to it in the Upside Down. He runs to it after his possession has been lifted—as his friends (Mike) begin to pull away. And, after a Fight with Mike, he runs to it one last time…then there’s no longer any place in Hawkins Will can run away to.)

When they move to Lenora, Will thinks about running away back to Hawkins. He doesn’t go through with it though, because Mike hasn’t really been responding to his letters, and thus there’s no one to conspire with. Plus, with El, he doesn’t want to leave her alone. She’s quickly become a sister to him, and he knows (even tho school sucks for her), she likely wouldn’t want to run away from Joyce and Jonathan—considering she already lost Hop.

Once Will and Mike get together post-whatever happens in s5, Will tells him about almost running away to Hawkins (to Mike), and, it turns out, Mike had almost the exact same thought (esp when he couldn’t come for Christmas). Like he told Will during SB, Hawkins isn’t the same without Will there. They talk about ‘running away’ from Hawkins after they graduate high school—basically going to college out of state. “It’s not really running away if I’m with you, though. You’re home.” Michael Wheeler is full of cheese.

[lesbiacnh]

the dogs im dog sitting rn are so cuddly and its so something im not used to. i only knew how to cuddle with cats so when i just picked up the little dog and plopped him on my lap he was like wtf… like i just failed at dog cuddling. omg

[2tarbell]

hiii star i hope your classes are going good<333

what do we think about pogue reader getting it hard from both her boyfriend + her sneaky link bc rafe sees jj is giving it to you good recently so feels like he has to fuck you harder + better (probably veering into overstimulation) to prove he’s like better than jj then by the end of the week she like literally can’t walk bc i feel like if rafe then saw jj out while she’s bedridden he’d probably say some shit like ‘where’s your little girlfriend huh? she break up with you?’ like laughing + making fun of him

(idk i’m getting a little bit into jj rn but he’s never gonna top my man rafey🙂‍↔️)

ohhhh your brain…. jj seeing that reader is feeling off and trying to be a better boyfriend. he knows he’s been a bit neglectful and he wants to start being what she deserves… starting by railing the shit outta her.

“look, sunshine, ‘m — i’m sorry. c’mere—“

reader is a bit iffy about sleeping with jj again… not having done it since beginning the affair with rafe. but she doesn’t want to raise his suspicions. so, she goes through the motions and does feel really good, but only ‘cause she’s thinking about a certain kook almost the entire time.

and maybe they’re both distracted — pretending the other is someone else and just trying to keep up the pretense of a healthy relationship. so she’s face first in his mattress while jj drills into her from behind.

she doesn’t know if she wants to tell rafe, if she should. not like she owes him that, right? what’s wrong with having sex with her boyfriend? the thought of his anger, his possessiveness, excites her, though. just wanting to see what he’d do or say. it comes up the next time rafe gets her naked, seeing bruises on her hips that he knows he didn’t leave. she feels a thrill at his cold, analyzing gaze.

the second his touch freezes, she’s babbling and trying to explain herself and press into him. rafe feels a multitude of emotions. s’not entirely her fault. a pretty little thing like her caught in the crossfire of her own actions. a rock and a hard place. but she’s gotta be dumb to think he wouldn’t do somethin’ about it. yeah, maybe she’s actually just stupid. it’s up to rafe to let her know how this shits gonna go; he is a proactive type of person after all. the possessive side of him comes out in the form of putting her on her hands and knees and making her tell him allllll the things jj did to her.

the pain of overstimulation is almost too much. but reader is just as sick as rafe, whining when he lets up after making her cum with his fingers for the third time, whimpers of ‘no— please— more!’ she’s never satisfied when it comes to him. just wanting him to wash away any memory of jj’s touch. it felt wrong and she was sorry and — she’s only silenced by the clinking of his belt and his leaking tip slipping through her abused folds. rafe tuts when she clenches around him and pulls on her hair, making her arch further into his expensive sheets.

“he cum inside this pussy? no? good to know y’not completely stupid… how — how ‘bout i send you home dripping with my cum since you wanna be dumb. show him what you get up to. your slutty ass want that, baby?”

‘course afterwards they’re cuddling in post coital bliss. rafe kissing the bruises left by his rough hands. mumbled apologies on his lips. reader is spent — only half coherent hums and lazy smiles when he brushes her hair outta her face. it’s a stark difference to the way she was quickly ushered out of the chateau by her boyfriend. once she falls asleep, in his bed, rafe heads out to find the pogue boy. the words he spits, so casually cruel, leave jj seething.

“where’s your little girlfriend, maybank? left your pussy ass already? hey — give her my number, yeah? show her how a kook lays it down.”

[heartsunholy]

I should be asleep but

I haven't seen the anime but the retcon that it was brainwashing (seemingly only that) that turned the 77th into U.ltimate D.espair feels like a disservice to both the willpower of an entire class of people and J.unko's skill with manipulation. Like most of these kids struggle to socialize or fit in, openly admit to having very few friends, or have clear motives J.unko would be able to use to turn them to her side. And it feels like it downplays the fact that what the 77th did was help create the apocalypse, essentially, literally using their talents to bring ruin to the globe. Like yes, they were manipulated, yes J.unko's influence was incredibly strong, but the idea of brainwashing makes it feel seem like they shouldn't be held accountable for their actions? Which they absolutely should, and do acknowledge what they did, individually and collectively.

[daz4i]

a reminder mostly to myself but it's most likely relevant to a lot of other ppl too: checking on your abusers/ppl who hurt you on social media n stuff aint gon help none. most chances are they're doing okay. hell, maybe (and even most likely if you're in my state) even better than you are. they're probably not stewing in guilt every day over what they did to you. there's actually a very good chance they don't remember/don't realize how much it affected you. it's ok to be upset over that, but moving on from them is the only way to heal from what they did, and checking on them and how they're doing actively stops you from moving on - it's just not helping and you'd most likely make yourself more upset by doing that. find a distraction to scratch that itch, block the url of their profiles/blogs/sites with any browser extension so it takes you a few more steps to get on them and give you more time to rethink it. delete it from browser/search history so you'll have to retype it to get to it. if you can, find a friend or a group that could offer you a distraction when you're itching to do that. just don't actively harm yourself like this

[lonesome--hunter]

Can we see some future/post captivity Ezra if you‘re up for it pls? 🥺👉👈 That man needs some comf and fluff!

Ok idk how fluffy this came out but here ya go lol. This takes place during Ezra's recovery in the future.

CW: nightmares, pstd, implied noncon, implied lady whump

Ezra had a love/hate relationship with rainy days.

When he could stay swaddled in blankets and listen to the rainfall with no obligations or things to do, he loved them. Bonus points if Charlie’s day off matched up with his and they could laze about together, forgetting their cares and just relax in the calmness stormy days brought.

Today was an unadulterated hate.

The cold made everything hurt. Old injuries ache down the bones, especially his legs that were never given proper time to heal correctly. Getting out of bed took him nearly a half hour, his joints and bones cracking so loud he worried it would wake Charlie. It always took her so long to fall asleep every night, she’d stay awake dreading the frequent nightmares that came with slumber. Ezra would often have to wake her in the night to pull her out of ones that were so bad she'd scream and cry.

He was able to get out of bed without waking her and creep into the kitchen to put the cheap coffee pot they found at a 'pay what you want' garage sale on so it would be ready for him when he got out of the shower.

It all went south as soon as he lathered his body and got lost in a flashback to that house, that dreadful house. His legs gave out beneath him, making him crash down hard onto the shower tiles knees first. He kept himself from slipping further by grabbing the metal safety bar on the side but the pain shooting throughout his body from the impact made him double over on his hands and knees.

When Charlie got to him he was curled up in the corner of the wall in shower, letting the water hide the tears of frustration falling down his face.

She took off her clothes and got in behind him with the shower head, carefully rinsing him off while she let him cry. He stopped as soon as Charlie began to wash his hair, her fingers massaging his scalp as she lathers it up. They stay like that until Ezra's ready. Charlie helped him out and dried him off with the blue towel that was still warm from the dryer, he apologized when he had to lean on her for support.

Charlie calls them both out of work. Griff understood what it meant for Ezra to call out so he wasn't upset even though he was most certainly going to be short handed that day. She pushed him back in bed and tucked it in all around him before she squeezed in next to him, the soft cotton of her night gown cooling his skin that was still too hot from the shower.

They held each other while listening to the thunderstorm roll in, the hard rain pelting the skylight in their bathroom.

"I saw him again. Felt him right there with me. Breathing down my neck. Touching me. He was right there." Ezra felt Charlie tighten her embrace as he stared at the rain falling down the windowpane, she trailed light kisses down his neck into the crook.

“It’s just us here, me and you. He’ll never hurt us again.” Ezra’s breath hitched like the dam was about to break but he held them back for Charlie’s sake. He didn’t want to set her off too. These events of theirs tended to come in pairs. The two of them trading off bad days until they get a few weeks of calm again.

They put on a movie for background noise, Wayne’s World, something they’d both seen many times as they cycled through the same five comfort films over and over. They ordered in, neither felt up to cooking and the weather was too nasty to trek in to pick something up.

Far too soon night fell and it was time for bed. Ezra and Charlie spent the night talking about anything they could, coherent thoughts slipping into ramblings, anything to fill the looming silence, anything to stay awake and avoid the bad things that hid behind their eyes in dreams.

Tag List: @special-spicy-chicken @finder-of-rings @simplygrimly @whumpersdelights @galaxywhump @im-just-here-for-the-whump @enteredin2eternity @muddy-swamp-bitch @redstainedsocks @whatgoeswhumpinthenight @thatsthewhump @crowned-avery @downrivergirl914 @unicornscotty ​ @kixngiggles ​ @whumpkinpie ​ @girlsjustwannadrawwhump

[main-to-arywizm]

the stars must be aligned or something because I actually thought this one through so prepare yourselves for a lot of rambling under the cut

but first, I drew this based on this wip I found on my computer and had no idea what it was supposed to be, @elennalore suggested it could be Finrod after his battle with Sauron, which it is, in a way, so thank you!

comissions open

it's been a while since I've read the lay of leithian so I might be wrong but for some reason I have this vague memory of them conjuring some sort of visions through the songs of power, it's highly possible that I just made this up or Tolkien's descriptive language did something to my brain. anyway, I purposefully didn't look this up because I liked the idea of them being suspended in this dreamscape of sorts lol.

this painting is based on this idea that when finrod loses he remains in this conjured reality for a while and (I'm assuming that he thought he would die then) finds himself back on the Helcaraxë, because maybe that's where he expected to die in the first place

I can't claim that I thought through the pose because, well I don't exactly remember sketching this but there's something about having the character laying flat on their back that makes them look very vulnerable and defeated, it used to freak me out when I was a kid, I wouldn't look let myself fall asleep like that lol (this paragraph served absolutely no purpose)

[this part might be disturbing for some people so please read at your own discretion // discussion of burial and corpses, nothing overly graphic though]

I thought I'd talk about this when I post the illustration of fingon that I mentioned in a different post but it fits better here so: something that always really disturbed me about the crossing of the Helcaraxë is that they weren't really able to bury their dead along the way, I imagine making a fire big enough to burn them was out of the question and so was digging a hole in the frozen ground, so all they could do was cover them with loose snow I suppose? leave their weapons with them as a sort of epitaph? and all that knowing that they will eventually be uncovered by the elements, laying in the middle of this cold wasteland - idk, this literally just an idea, something that really struck me personally and kind of inspired the setting for this painting

that's all I think, sorry for the long sentences, I know it's difficult to read but I'm half asleep and barely able to express myself coherently (I mean I hope so)

[whimperwoods]

Oswin - Bedtime

Part 7! Oswin Greystone is a wizard, a con man, and, now, a warlock’s pet. It’s been several hours since he last begged. He only hopes it doesn’t make things worse. As much as he has the energy to hope.

tw: pet whump, tw: non-sexual nudity, tw: humiliation, tw: whumper is a  policeman/city guard captain, tw: gags, tw: choking mention, tw: ptsd (not-post though? idk), tw: literal boot-licking, tw: threats, tw: strangulation mention, tw: death threats, tw: animalization

There’s a masterpost now!

Taglist: @just-a-whumping-racoon-with-wifi, @starnight-whump

****

Oswin hadn’t known how much he actually appreciated the noise of the other guards until it was gone. They had been coming in and out downstairs, laughing and joking, taking time to spar with each other, voices and the clank of armor and the clack of wooden training swords all drifting up the stairs toward him and his master, and he hadn’t even thought to appreciate it.

Now, it was quiet in the building, and he found himself shaking again, instinctively pressing himself harder to the ground.

I need you coherent while I’m alone on the evening shift. That was what his master had said last night. The other guards could wait to be called on in the daylight, could take off time between their assigned rounds, could hang out loud between shifts, but now - now it was night and things were dangerous, and he couldn’t help thinking that nowhere was as dangerous as here.

His master reached toward him from the chair and he flinched away, only to be caught by the back of the collar, his master’s fingers brushing against the burn mark on the back of his neck and making him cry out, the sound cut off abruptly as his master wrenched him upward, pulling him onto his knees by the collar.

Oswin straightened his back and pressed up against the seat of the chair with his arms to help hold his head higher, gasping in precious air as his master’s grip loosened.

Then the hand gripped his chin and forced him to meet his master’s eyes. His stomach squirmed, but he forced himself not to look away, even as his eyes started to tear up again, of their own accord.

“I’ll tell you when to be afraid of me, boy. Now you’ll have to be gagged, for the trouble.”

Oswin whimpered, unable to stop himself.

A vicious tug on his hair was followed by a motion to backhand him across the face, but at the last moment, his master pulled the blow, another warning, like the missed kick, earlier. He’d thought about it, since then. Thought about how to say thank you.

He’d thought he’d be on the ground, but he adjusted, ducking his head to nuzzle against the side of the man’s knee instead of bowing over his foot again, and whined softly, hoping his master would understand it as gratitude for - gods, it wasn’t even lenience, was it? It was only a pulled blow, meant to scare him, and the only reason it had been pulled was that his master didn’t want him dead, didn’t want one more drip of blood from his nose to be his last. But he was stronger than that, now, if only barely. He was healing. And if he played his cards right, maybe he could keep healing.

He gave the man’s knee a second nudge with the side of his face, this time humming to make sure there was some kind of positive noise, and the captain snorted.

A rough hand petted through his hair again, and the man’s voice sounded warmer when he spoke. “Enough. Open your mouth.”

Oswin’s entire body shook, the memory of choking around the gag suddenly real and impossible. His throat threatened to close up, and his breaths shortened, but his mouth opened instinctively to take in more air, and his master was somehow, impossibly, unbearably, already holding the gag. He thrust the bar in between Oswin’s teeth and started buckling the back, his strong hands forcing Oswin’s head down against his knee hard enough that he could feel his master’s kneecap digging into his forehead.

When his master released him, he raised his head but stayed still, mind reeling. He forced himself to breathe, concentrated on breathing, still clinging desperately to the seat of the chair, still hunched awkwardly with his head bowed low over his master’s knees.

As he got a grip on himself, he realized his master was petting his hair again, a little more gently this time. “There you go,” he said softly, “You’re ready to be a good boy again, I can tell.”

Oswin closed his eyes and tried to relax, laying his cheek against his master’s thigh, just a little above the knee, where it was softer and not so bony. Maybe if he seemed relaxed, he would be allowed to keep breathing. In through his nose. Out through his nose. Not too fast. Not too slow. Breathing. He was still breathing. It was ok. He was still breathing.

His master actually laughed. “Laying it on a little thick, aren’t you?” he asked, but his hand was still gentle in Oswin’s hair. He shouldn’t respond, shouldn’t make it go from joke to more punishment, but some part of him was so relieved to hear his master happy that he could almost cry, and he nuzzled against the captain’s thigh with his nose, still keeping quiet.

His master’s hand swept gently through his hair one more time before the man shoved Oswin away from him, firmly but without the strength Oswin knew he had.

“Come on, pet. Time for dinner.” He snorted, half chuckle. “Mine, anyway. But you had lunch. We’ll see if you do better tomorrow.”

Oswin’s mind stayed thoroughly wrapped up in breathing, in through his nose, out through his nose, keeping his throat and sinuses as open as he could, breathing in, breathing out, not allowed to remember almost dying, holding the thought at bay, at arm’s length, only breathing, only allowed to breathe, and somehow he was down the stairs. Somehow he was kneeling beside his master, too in his own head to notice the smell of his master’s dinner or the growling of his stomach. Somehow, he was climbing the stairs again. Somehow kneeling beside his master as the man looked at a map of the town. Somehow still moving, still following orders.

He thought about breathing.

He thought about breathing.

His master was speaking to him, and he realized with a start that he hadn’t been listening.

The Captain laughed. “That’s right, there’s some proper gratitude. You’ll still be chained, of course, but it’ll be softer up there. And you can keep my feet warm, if it comes to it.”

Oswin didn’t know what his master was talking about, but he made a concentrated effort to pay more attention, to listen when his master spoke, to notice the orders he was following instead of just trailing along.

He let his master shackle him to the foot of the bed, climbed tentatively up onto it when his master gestured, curled in on himself with his eyes still on his master’s face, but then - then his master was stepping away, leaving him there, moving to change into his sleeping clothes, and the only thing more frightening than having a gag in his mouth was having a gag in his mouth and his master clear on the other side of the room, or even worse, asleep and not watching to remove the gag if Oswin choked again.

Making a muffled noise through the gag, he flung himself off the bed and crawled forward, prostrating himself at his master’s feet as the man stopped in surprise.

“Pleathee, Mathhter,” he managed through the gag, “Pleathe, I cannn. I cannn bleathe. Pleathe.”

He couldn’t bear to look up, couldn’t bear to see his master’s face. He crawled forward still farther, hunching over to press his forehead to the top of his master’s foot.

“Pleathe, I cannnn.”

His master’s voice was cold and measured, which was at least better than an immediate flash of rage. “So you want your gag out,” he said, “After I specifically rewarded you. That’s not enough for you.”

Oswin’s eyes filled with tears. He couldn’t think of a better way to ask, a better way to beg, but even without falling, the tears threatened to make his throat thicken, his nose close up, to make him choke again, and all he could do was cry out more loudly while he still had breath.

“Pleathe, mathhhher. Pleathe.”

“Raise your head up.”

The voice was still cold as ice, and Oswin’s entire body trembled as he followed instructions.

For a moment, his master held Oswin’s head in his hands, watching the half-panicked breaths through his nose, the tears glinting in his eyes, taking it all in.

Then he unbuckled the gag and pulled it out of Oswin’s mouth. The moment his mouth was freed, Oswin found himself collapsing back to the ground, sobbing with his forehead pressed to the ground in front of his master’s feet, gasping and panting and managing only garbled, desperate “thank you”s in gratitude.

His master let him weep, let him pant and sob and humiliate himself, but he could feel the man’s stiffness even through his own relief, could feel tension in his stance and cold radiating from him.

When Oswin finally quieted, his master spoke again, that same ice in his voice. “Kiss my feet, wizard. I’m not sure you’re grateful enough, yet.”

Oswin complied, too wrung out with crying and fear even to hesitate. He pressed a kiss to the top of the well-kept leather of one foot, and was halfway to the other when his master snapped his fingers, stopping him. Oswin looked up, noting the way his master’s face was still strangely implacable, neither angry nor pleased, a mystery.

“I’ve changed my mind,” he said, calmly, and this time Oswin could hear the sizzle in it, could hear anger threatening to burst into flame. “Lick it. I want my boots clean enough to pass inspection with the king, before I let you go to sleep. I’m going to stand right here until you finish, and if you make me wait until I’m tired, you’ll be wearing that gag to bed if it kills you. Am I clear?”

Oswin didn’t try to answer, didn’t dare nod, didn’t know how else to say yes. Part of him knew that if he did this, there was no going back. The other part of him was already moving.

His master’s boots were mostly clean-ish already, kept polished as befitted his station, and he had been inside all day, but Oswin could still taste dirt and filth as his tongue swiped over the leather, his mouth already starting to go dry from dust and terror.

He focused on his breathing again as he continued, his mind squirming away from all the thoughts he couldn’t bear thinking, the thoughts that weren’t his task, his breathing. He wasn’t blushing, and passively, for a moment, he noted that that was strange. But then he had control of his mind again, control of his own focus. He was breathing. He was breathing. He was allowed to breathe, and this was the cost. He could only think about being allowed to breathe.

By the end he was barely on his hands and knees, barely able to keep going as his whole body shook. His mouth was dry. It was so dry. He kept having to stop, to swallow what dirt he could and force what moisture he could, but he kept his head down, kept his eyes focused on his master’s boots, tried not to look hesitant, not to look disobedient, gods, he couldn’t wear the gag again, he had to do this, he had to do this, he was still breathing.

Finally, he’d covered every inch of the leather, done everything he could, and he was going to stop breathing again if he couldn’t be finished, was going to have his throat close up on him from dryness and - and.

He pressed his forehead to his master’s boot again, one last silent plea before he crawled slightly backward, away.

He could feel his master’s eyes on him, on him and not on the boots at all, and he tried not to squirm under that gaze, not to shrink farther toward the ground or try to evade.

Finally, his master started moving, walking away without a word to him, and then sat on the side of the bed and took his boots off, looking thoughtfully at them while Oswin tried not to move, tried not to look afraid when he wasn’t allowed to be, tried not to look like he was trying to be more pathetic than he was, tried to keep breathing.

“You can have a drink of water,” his master said after a moment, “But you’re sleeping on the floor.”

Oswin was exhausted, half dazed, and he couldn’t work out how to answer as a dog, could barely work out how to answer as a human. “Yes, master,” he whispered. And then - “Thank you, master.”

He didn’t have the energy, when his master placed a bowl of water on the floor, to wonder when he’d brought it up here, how long he’d been planning this. He just crawled forward and drank from it, right there beside his master’s bed, lowering his head all the way into the bowl to drink awkwardly from it and trying to think only of the relief of cleaning his mouth out, of wetting his throat, of breathing easier, of feeling less like he might gag.

He drank what he could and then pulled away, certain of one thing and one thing only. When he was rested, he could think of getting away again. For now, he could make sure his master didn’t make anything worse.

He pressed his forehead to each of his master’s stocking feet in turn, and stilled without moving away when the man’s hand reached for him, tipping his chin up so that he had to look into those cold brown eyes.

“You’re pathetic,” the man said, his voice half growl, half disdain.

Oswin knew what answer was wanted. “Yes, master.” It was almost a whisper, but he knew the man would hear, knew how hard he was listening.

“If you make me break you, I will.”

“Yes, master.”

“Anything you do for me, I will ask of you again,” he continued, voice growing quieter, more thoughtful. He patted Oswin on the side of the face, “Remember that before you pretend to be more broken than you are. I don’t like playing games.”

“I understand, master.”

The man rose to his feet again. “Sleep on the floor. And if you make a sound after I so kindly removed that gag for you, I will strangle you until you die under my fingers and then I will make you wear the gag again when he returns you to me.”

The Captain didn’t even look back as he made the threat, moving steadily back to his chest of drawers to get his nightshirt.

“Yes master,” Oswin answered, more loudly, so that it would carry all the way to his master’s ears, hoping he wasn’t about to die for it, “I understand.”

His master’s only answer was a short grunt, and then Oswin tucked himself away, halfway under the edge of the bed, his tongue falling silent. He had a lot to think about, but for now - for now his mind was as tired as his body, strung out and wrung dry.

He fell asleep quickly, his body curling protectively in on itself even in slumber.

[galacticlamps]

im sorry im sorry im sorry i know it’s been well over a year but i accidentally thought about Short Trips: Deleted Scenes (again) and it’s killing me (again) so i think im just gonna go ahead and post all these stupid thoughts that have been plaguing me about it since i first heard it & maybe that’ll help clear up some space in my head for like, real life things.

Spoilers I guess? It’s like a year and a half old but also high key the most recent 2nd doctor content i believe we’ve gotten which is like, the only negative thing I can say about it

The TLDR version is this:

I literally cant believe how sweet it is? Painful, but sweet. Like. I don’t honestly know what’s more likely - did they set out to write Jamie a nice little straight love interest and just fail miserably at it by constantly likening her to the Doctor AND paralleling the Doctor’s perspective with her ex’s AND putting Jamie’s relationships with both of them in direct tension with each other while constantly letting his with the Doctor win out?

OR - did they do a very 1960s thing and say hey we’re gonna write what’s essentially a story about how much Jamie and the Doctor love each other and release it on Valentine’s Day thinly disguised as a one-off romance with a french lady?

Now, as a general rule, my attitude toward questions like that is usually “don’t know, don’t care, doesn’t matter” - and while I 100% stand by that, I also have to admit that this particular audio seems to pay enough attention to detail that I’d kind of think I was selling it short if I assumed too many of these things were just meaningless coincidences, you know?

Anyway, that’s the most coherent/overarching thought. And here’s a disorganized list of things I absolutely cannot get over about it (they don’t form any kind of argument, mind, they just all happen to live rent free in my head):

- Celine is first taken in by Jamie being an idiot (specifically him claiming not to speak French, in perfect French); likewise, her entrance in the scene where they actually kiss is marked with a little anecdote about her hat getting stuck on a doornail and her scolding it as she attempts to fix her un-tameable appearance, and the narration says Celine “would often clown for Jamie like this” - all of which, while undeniably adorable, don’t exactly strike me as entirely original traits to have been assigned to Jamie’s love-interest (but also Celine is so cool and her perspective on film/media/time is an excellent addition to the long list of dr who characters)

- When they’re in the present, describing Jamie’s relationship with Celine in 1908, they call him her “companion” and highlight his going nearly everywhere with her, which earns a laugh from the 4th doctor (and me as well, though probably for slightly different reasons - but like, is that really all it takes to have a fling with someone in 60′s era who? bc if so...)

- Celine’s ex-fiance is still in love with her and is jealously watching when she kisses Jamie ... and then the Doctor appears beside him, evidently doing the exact. same. thing. They have the following conversation:

“You know, it’s not prudent to spy on people. But then, people in pain can’t be expected to act prudently.”

“Pain, monsieur? You mistake me.”

“Ah, do I? Good, because I rather thought you’d lost something.”

“What would you know about loss monsieur?”

- I’m sorry doc but who do you think you are, saying stuff like that and smiling sadly at the floor to boot? I 100% had to pause it here the first time I listened, just to not throw my laptop across the room. 

- Then when I recovered continued, the Doctor closes the door so they can’t watch anymore and explains “Possessing things comes so terribly easily to some men that losing them can feel cruel, intolerably cruel. In my experience, only the very best of men cannot be tempted to answer that cruelty with more - I do sincerely hope that you are the best of men.” (guess who gets described as the best of men by the end of the audio?)

- Jamie and the Doctor apparently develop a habit of walking along the river in Paris in silence

- During one such walk, Jamie suggests Celine come with them since she already figured out about the Tardis - and when the Doctor’s worried by this, he says he only allowed Jamie & Celine to grow closer “because of Victoria.” Jamie takes offense at the ‘allowing it’ comment and also refuses to admit he knows what the Doctor means about Victoria, which leads the Doctor to say that he knows how fond Jamie was of her - he was too, of course, but with him, “it was different, wasn’t it?” Jamie only says maybe that’s true and maybe that’s not, but his voice catches until he changes the subject

- Jamie doesn’t see Celine for days both times that she’s recovering from the shock and depression of her work being destroyed. In contrast, when the Doctor’s not well, Jamie’s "afraid” and “guilty” and hardly seems to leave his side at all, if his being there “rushing to embrace him” the second he wakes up - after a period Jamie describes as “at least a week” - is anything to go by, anyway. so either bf writers need to learn how to write a committed straight relationship or admit that’s not what they ever intended in the first place

- Oh yeah, and the Doctor spends that week "asleep” in Jamie’s bedroom - no, there’s no explanation as to if that’s where he was when he first collapsed or if it’s where Jamie decided to take him bc why would they feel the need to explain him being there? why was it even relevant to tell us it was Jamie’s room in the first place?

- The Doctor somehow manages to control the Tardis enough to take Celine on one trip to an alien planet and then return to the correct time & place for her to use the footage she recorded there in her new film - and while the audio doesn’t do very much to explain how that was possible, it does treat this as A Pretty Big Deal, and immediately afterward the Doctor has to spend a week communing with his past self (and/or the Tardis?) debating how likely it is that the Time Lords could use this to trace him. When he decides it’s not worth the risk and they have to stop the film from ever being shown to the public, Jamie asks why he agreed to it in the first place, and all he can say is “Because, Jamie, you asked me to!” earning awkward stares from the crowd.

- Oh, but, lest we forget, that little outburst is also immediately followed by him putting his arm around Jamie’s shoulders, and, shockingly, apparently beginning to actually explain the truth about the danger from the Time Lords - until they’re interrupted, of course idk why exactly but the idea of a 60s dr wanting to come clean with a companion but not being allowed to bc the show demands the war games be something of a reveal hurts me in a very good way

- The mental image of “the Doctor and Jamie, resplendent in borrowed evening wear”

- The audio admitting that Jamie’s not very good at subterfuge, and the Doctor asking if he’s going to be alright with them having to steal the film back from Celine - and Jamie’s little “Aye, Doctor” as he feels a ‘glass arrow piercing his chest’ glad to see bf is reading all my letters about exactly how i feel any time something sad happens to james robert mccrimmon

- The Doctor’s anxious to get out of there for obvious reasons, but he hangs around bc Jamie wants to see Celine again - which doesn’t happen, because of her aforementioned shock & depression, but she does leave Jamie a note that ends “you and that Doctor of yours - look after him Jamie, he loves you dearly, as do I.” yeah, if you didn’t want people to draw a parallel there, you could’ve picked, like, any other wording in the world.

- In case you weren’t fully convinced I’ve been reading too much into this whole audio already, consider this: Celine dies in Long Island in 1968, three days before her birthday - 1968 is when this story would’ve taken place in the show’s history (between Fury & Wheel), and dying three days before/after a birthday in America seems a bit... well I had some deja vu from it, anyway

- Four of all people being the one to bring back the film - I know he does it bc Sarah Jane makes him, but personally, I often feel like despite the length of his run, 4 is the Doctor with which we might’ve gotten the fewest glimpses into his interiority, so the fact that it’s him and not one of the more overtly sentimental Doctors makes it feel like it carries even more weight somehow, to me anyway. I think I wrote a post saying roughly the same thing about 4 & Fate of Krelos/Return to Telos but maybe I only did that inside my own head lol. Still, I’m all for any opportunities for Jamie to be one of the few characters to draw some noticeable emotion out of Four, but in fairness I haven’t touched too much of his EU stuff to really be able to compare the frequency with which this happens with other past companions

- Is Four referring to Two or Jamie when he says he got the film from “an old family friend”? Two did the actual stealing, but he probably means Jamie’s involvement - either way, it’s an interesting way of describing old companions - or selves?

- When Jemima goes to call Jamie a thief, Four is “roused” to defend him: “he really was the very best of men” again, any time four freely shows he cares about someone, im over the moon about it

- Oh ha ha, there’s an audio called “Deleted Scenes” featuring the Doctor who’s most affected by junked episodes. And at the end of it, a character who’s spent her life researching and lecturing about a lost film gets to watch it be ‘rediscovered’ after it’s gone unseen for decades. I feel marginally less stupid for reading into the other details of a story like this when it ends up deciding to be to be clever & slightly meta like that

But yeah

all in all, it’s kind of amazing to me that this genuinely reads like they sat down and said okay boys it’s valentines day, let’s write an audio where jamie kisses a girl, since that hasn’t happened except as a plot device in one story in 1967 - but then when they got down to business they accidentally(?) wrote a story all about how important his bond with the Doctor is and how easily that can be compared to a legitimate love interest (even if the love interest in question is a one off character & the extent of the relationship appears to be like one kiss & then having Jamie spend most of his time around the Doctor instead)

I realize there’s something slightly illogical about writing the words “shipping aside” after a post like this but seriously - no matter how many categories you’re able to see two & jamie’s relationship fitting into, this is 40 minutes of big finish just hitting you over the head with how powerful/special/important that relationship is, and with them being two of my favorite characters, i really haven’t been able to stop thinking about it since

[lothloriien]

Hey so, I'm not Muslim, and I really want to make sure I don't act disrespectful. Aside from not using jihad, I don't know anything else about being respectful to you guys, I want to make sure that I'm not spreading Islamiphobic things, and that I don't act Islamiphobic. For someone who knows absolutely nothing about your culture, what are some does and do not's? I also want to make sure that my blog is a Muslim safe place! Hope this finds you well!!

oh hello!!

some basic things you should know:

- hijab is not oppressive. this is somehow still not widely accepted. obviously some abusive pigs will try to force it on a woman, but while it is mandatory in islam, that choice is made by the woman wearing it

- if you see videos going around where a woman’s hijab is being ripped off, avoid sharing the video. discuss it on another post. if a woman is wearing hijab, she doesn’t want you to see her hair, and by sharing the video, you would inadvertently be contributing to her pain. there was a video going around of a woman’s soccer game where a hijabi athlete’s hijab came off, so before anyone could see, her (female) competitors encircled her so she could fix it. lovely video, sweet sentiment, but the person who shared it tried to zoom in on her hair when her hijab came off (the video was okay since her hair didnt show, i just wanted to give an example)

- while there are many posts about how hijab should be worn (no judgement, i made one too), you still should not judge a woman for not wearing her hijab following all of the rules

- people talk about face masks and how they love covering their face and might just do it permanently from now on. thats great, good for them. however, these people tend to ignore the fact that niqabi women have been doing it for centuries and they’re seen as oppressed and terrorists. so if you see posts like that going around, feel free to bring that point up (you dont have to, obviously, but it’s a nice gesture)

- avoid supporting the new mulan movie. it honestly breaks my heart, because the day it came out, my sister was so impatient that my dad bought the movie and we sat and watched it and i enjoyed it. so imagine my shock after finding out that it was filmed near the muslim concentration camps. also, please spread awareness of the uyghur muslims’ plight in general

- not all muslims are from the middle east!! we’re pakistani, we’re black, we’re latine, we’re hispanic, we’re european, we’re from all kinds of ethnicities and races. don’t assume that a muslim knows arabic or is from the middle east

- islam is a religion, not a race. people are not racist if they hate us for being muslim, they’re islamophobic. if they’re hating on someone who’s middle eastern, that;s racism

anyways!! im half asleep as i type this so idk how coherent it is but i hope at least some of this helps you!!

[letterstomilen]

i discuss the classification of igneous petrology as you fall asleep during my lecture (PART 1) (ASMR)

Childe/Zhongli, Alternate Universe (read part 2 here) When Childe's younger sister tells him about the volunteer at the library, he does not make the connection between that and his new favorite ASMR YouTuber, Rex Lapis.

Childe has a very effective method of getting through college. His little sister, who’s caught him making coffee at three in the morning on more than one occasion the past week alone, would beg to differ. 

“You’re the best older brother,” she starts off, and he’s sure she’s trying to convince herself more than him at this point, “but you need to fix your sleeping habits.” Then, because she’s his little sister, she’d flash him a smile and pat his shoulder reassuringly.

(The comment is not lost on him though. He understands his sleeping situation will eventually wear him down if it hadn’t already, but he believes if he’ll drink a coffee every morning and a Monster every night, he’ll get through three days. By the third day, he’ll hardly be coherent but that doesn’t matter because he’ll conk out for the next twelve hours and then repeat.)

“Don’t worry, Tonia,” he says, trying to sound as reassuring as possible as he contemplates whether it’s worth it or not to swallow a pill of 5-hour energy with his morning coffee. “Once break ends, I’ll get back to normal.”

“You said that six seasons ago.”

Childe frowns, trying to remember if his sleeping schedule was this dysfunctional last year. “Huh?”

“The Walking Dead seasons,” Tonia clarifies, as if she’s not twelve years old and the show is for grown adults. He thinks. He hasn’t checked Commonsensemedia ever since La Signora labeled him as a “helicopter parent” and his Netflix tab has been playing How to Get Away with Murder as background noise for the past few weeks.

Isn’t it a show about zombies though? Tonia’s sheepish smile tells it all, because it’s the same exact guilty look he had when he got caught red-handed as a kid.

(Once he remembers later, Childe promises himself, he’ll check out The Walking Dead.)

“Oh. Well. I have a lot of shows to catch up on, you know. Not to mention a ton of my professors gave me reading for over the break.”

A half lie. They did give him a lot of reading because each professor assumed that their classes were his only one, and with seven days left, he still has a textbook worth of reading to go through. But there are no shows that Childe would sacrifice his precious sleep for. As a matter of fact, he would love to sleep. He’s spent the majority of his classes back in high school sleeping and faking attention, saving his grade at the last minute — it was quite the extreme sport really, if he says so himself.

Whenever he tries to sleep recently, his thoughts run at several hundred miles per hour, and he spends several hours staring at the ceiling before succumbing to the computer at his desk and watching trashy movies. At this point, he must have gone through the entire romance comedy list on Netflix. (Not a proud point in his life but if anybody ever wanted him to give a list of best to worst romance comedy movies, he now has one.)

Tonia, on the other hand, isn’t incredibly convinced.

Admittedly, the excuse was lame. Also, he can’t easily lie to his little sister, who’s far shrewder than he takes her for at times.

“You never start your reading in advance. You like to speed read it right before your class or watch a five-minute video on the chapters while your teachers take attendance. But that’s… uh, ‘a bad work ethic.’” Tonia looks immensely proud of herself as she says this, finishing it off with, “Zhongli told me that.”

“Zhongli?” he repeats, trying to remember if that’s one of her classmates or some stranger that’s hoping to kidnap his sister.

“The guy that volunteers at the library sometimes. He recommended me a loot of good books to read, but he talks like an old man.”

“How old?” Childe can tell she’s enjoying this — talking about her new friend at the library that he’ll probably have to run a background check on.

“Like he’s in his sixties or something. But he looks… actually, he looks your age! And he’s a student too. I told him all about you.”

Well, that doesn’t sound very reassuring coming from the mouth of a twelve-year-old. He’s not sure if that translates to his social security number, his current dilemma, or just that he’s her older brother.

“Like all of the stories you told me when I was a kid. And then when Lumine came to pick me up, she stayed to show him pictures of you too.”

“Of course she did,” he mumbles, ruffling her hair. One of these days he’s going to move without telling his classmates and the twins won’t enter his apartment unannounced. (But Tonia adores their company and the stories they tell her far too much for him to actually do it. But that doesn’t mean he’s above making threats when they tell his little sister about the bet he made about white-out and how it could dye hair. The jury is still out on this one.) “She’s just mad because I get away with it and she doesn’t. But don’t do it yourself. It’s a bad habit,” he adds, remembering that he should at least try to be a good influence on his younger sister when he can.

“Okaaay,” she says unconvincingly, before shaking her hair and running off to her room with lunch he prepared for her.

Watching her close the door and no doubt continue her binge of The Walking Dead, he takes out his phone and texts Lumine.

 Childe

12:35

ur a horrible influence on tonia

 Childe

12:35

and whos this ZHONGLI

 Childe

12:35

also is twd appropriate for 12 y/os

 Twin 1

12:37

a normal person would say hi

 Twin 1

12:37

also 1. me n aether watched it when we were 12 so probably and 2. some guy at the library that also goes to our school

 Well. At least he’s somebody they know. But The Walking Dead?

 Childe

12:38

thats not very convincing

 Childe

12:38

also dont ppl DIE? get BITTEN???? what if she gets nightmares

 Twin 1

12:39

isnt she 12 r u telling me u weren’t watching R rated movies at 12

 Childe

12:42

thats very different from a 10 season long show that is hailed as “one of the greatest horror shows in history” and “paved the way for post-apocalyptic horror”

 Twin 1

12:42

well if she has trouble sleeping she could always watch asmr. that helps me during midterms idk

 Childe

12:42

whats asmr

 Childe

12:43

asking for my sister btw

 Twin 1

12:44

A feeling of well-being combined with a tingling sensation in the scalp and down the back of the neck, as experienced by some people in response to a specific gentle stimulus, often a particular sound.

 Childe

12:45

wtf?

 Twin 1

12:45

people on the internet make random sounds or just talk into a mic n its supposed to be very relaxing. how have u never found out abt this?????

 Childe

12:45

idk the only thing on my youtube recommended r greatest stunts and chapter review videos

 Twin 1

12:47

… makes sense

 Twin 1

12:47

check out rex lapis’ channel he looks like ur type

 Childe

12:48

i thought we were talking about my sister????

 Twin 1

12:50

[message screenshots.jpg]

 Twin 1

12:50

ya she told me everything

 Twin 1

12:50

have fun i need to convince aether to not commit arson bc of his TA

 Childe

12:51

hope he does it

He opens his Youtube app, typing in Rex Lapis and expecting Lumine’s suggestion to be a joke. Despite them being friends for nearly two years now, she’s never made any indication of knowing his type. And he’s sure he’s never been that vocal about it either, only shooting appreciative looks at history majors and paying more attention than necessary to the TA for ‘Tradition of Justice and Law.’ (It’s unfortunate that those short-term crushes never led to anything, but maybe that’s for the better seeing that Childe has never understood the appeal of relationships.)

It is an ASMR channel, judging by the ASMR playlist he finds as he scrolls through the account. The icon shows no face — only a microphone — which leaves him skeptical. Most of the video titles belong in a petrology lecture as well, which makes him even more convinced that it’s a joke. He finds a few readings of ancient literature and decides to pick ‘I discuss the classification of igneous petrology as you fall asleep during my lecture (PART 1) (ASMR)’ because that’s exactly what he needs. (Not the very moment — but ten hours later when he’s in the bed memorizing the pattern of his ceiling wondering why he stole from his fifth grade teacher’s candy jar during lunch.)

When Childe opens the video, he damn near gasps.

The man in the video is exactly his type. His eyes are a soft amber color, framed with long lashes, and it’s almost enough for him to lose his dignity and message Lumine a long thank you text about how she is always right and he’ll pay for her coffee for the following week.  He smiles at the screen, albeit a little sheepishly, dark hair framing his face with a long ponytail that Childe can’t see the end of. On his right ear, there are a pair of earrings with a single feather that brush against his neck when he moves his head.

Even before he speaks, Childe is mesmerized, sure he’ll already memorize his features from the curve of his nose to the way he tilts his head, displaying the expanse of his neck.

Really — he reminds him of actors in historical dramas, the way he sits regally, and how he speaks. His voice is low and slow as he adopts a careful manner of speaking, leaning into the mic.

“I’m Rex Lapis, and I’ll be discussing igneous petrology today, which is part one in a three-part petrology series. I apologize in advance, seeing that my knowledge is limited compared to many petrologists out there but my friend Venti said that many of my viewers are here for my voice, so I’m very excited to start today’s video.”

Holy shit.

For the following week, Childe learns less about petrology, the philosophy of economics, and historical revisionism concerning matters of war and more about Rex Lapis, who is not in love with his voice but often finds himself in the middle of long tangents without explanations. His favorite book series is the Legend of the Lone Sword, which he says he’ll look forward to reading out loud for the channel. (Childe replays that part of the video again and again, captivated by his excitement as he mindlessly taps the mic while he speaks, his tangent cutting off mid-word — as it usually does, much to his dismay.)

His guilty obsession is not lost on Tonia, who realizes that instead of drinking Monster every night he’s been engrossed in his phone completely, often not noticing her or when the water starts bubbling. But because his sleeping schedule has been alleviated, she says nothing until Lumine comes over as she always does, not forgetting their weekly schedule of watching trashy movies while leeching off of Childe’s food.

Because he doesn’t trust the twins with the kitchen — even if they can cook — she instead spends her time sitting next to Tonia and spreading more of her anti-Childe propaganda while they wait. This usually involves Tonia occasionally calling out Childe’s name and asking, “Is that true?” or “Did you really do that?”

This time is different though.

Worried that Lumine finally decided to show Tonia a video of last semester’s presentation, he leans over, looking at the computer screen.

And he’s wrong. Unfortunately. Maybe it should’ve been his presentation because even if he botched it and accidentally projected his work process — screaming notes and all — to the class instead of his actual presentation, it would’ve been better than the two of them watching one of Rex Lapis’ videos together.

The ‘I read Erosion: Essays of Undoing to you as it rains outside’ video, to be specific, which is where Rex Lapis is embarrassed by Venti mid video when asked if this was his idea of a date with a lover. (And then it ends with Rex Lapis asking for video suggestions from the commentors, his face still flushed from the previous comments.)

Oh God — oh fuck.

“So he is your type,” Lumine says, her expression a bit too smug for his liking. Tonia looks half awake, scrolling through articles as the video plays, more interested in ‘Top 10 Glenn Rhee Moments’ than Childe’s crush. Her expression is a bit guilty as she does so — she’s biting her lip and avoiding his gaze, but he assumes that it’s just because they went through his YouTube history.

“I can neither confirm nor deny that statement,” he retorts, but the YouTube history she pulls up once Tonia hands the computer over to her says it all. (It’s quite mortifying, really — even Tonia is giving him a look, but it’s not as bad as Lumine’s shit eating grin.)

“Well… he does have a nice voice,” Childe finally says, thinking that perfectly encompasses his most recent obsession. Because he does have a nice voice — it’s soothing and speaks to him without really speaking to him directly. (The good looks are a bonus, he assures himself. A fantastic bonus, but a bonus nonetheless.)

“He does,” Tonia confirms, smiling toothily up at him, and he resists the urge to ruffle her hair with Lumine staring at him so skeptically. “But I don’t understand much of what he’s saying. He — heh — talks like an old man.”

“Don’t worry, Tonia, your brother likes him because he’s attractive,” Lumine informs her, now fast forwarding on one of Rex Lapis’ videos. “Did you know that he lives nearby?”

“Huh?”

The knife he’s holding clatters to the floor, and the two look down and back up at him with— hold on, why does it feel like they’re in on a secret he doesn’t know about?

“Yeah, he’s working on his grad thesis I think… Aether told me it was about something on history,” she muses. “That’s why I recommended his channel to you. He’s a bit of a celebrity in his department.” Childe’s sure his jaw dropped now, trying to maintain his facial expression as he takes out a new knife to chop up the onions.

“Really,” he tries to say as calmly as possible, wondering how he should accompany Aether to his lectures without trying to seem as obvious as possible. His voice is a bit shaky he realizes but he can’t quite make the connection between Rex Lapis and actual graduate student that goes to his university.

“Yeah, actually…” Lumine is definitely pretending to think now, enjoying this far too much. “He—”

“It’s Zhongli!” his little sister yells excitedly, practically jumping up and down at this point as if she won the lottery. “Zhongli runs an ASMR channel and he talks just like that in real life! Right, Lumine?”

“Yeah.”

Childe sighs, holding a hand up to his face. The realization that he’s been obsessed with the same guy that hears about every stupid thing he did secondhand is way too much — and the fact that he’s been listening to his voice every night before he went to bed the past week is way too much. He’s sure his face is redder than before judging by the amused expressions on Lumine’s and Tonia’s faces — really, they’re mirror images of each other right now.

Not for the first time, Childe swears to himself that he’ll never let her into his apartment without signing a contract ever again.

[erenscherub]

what eren's exact reason to cheat on reader? (if it's not a spoiler)

Hi, anon!

Thank you so much for reading. I always love asks like these even if there’s the potential for spoilers because it helps me organize my thoughts or get some new ideas stirring.

And as for your question, uh…. Sorry to say but I don’t think I can pinpoint it to one exact reason.

This ask will hopefully be a more coherent summary of these two asks here and here

Hopefully this actually makes sense because I’m typing this when I’m half asleep.

So simple answer would be that some actions, especially Eren’s since he’s impulsive and stubborn, don’t really have a clear intention/reasoning behind them. His excuse would literally be like, “I’m sorry for cheating on you, baby. Shit just happens. She means nothing to me though.”

The harder to explain answer would be that the affair is a result of his own insecurity, the adrenaline rush of cheating, and because he had the opportunity to cheat.

So let’s break down the insecurity part because I think the other two are a little easier to understand.

While you may have several best friends, what matters to Eren is that Colt and Marcel, who you met in medical school and are still friends with today, are included in that list

Even if there’s no feelings at all anymore, the fact that at one point in time you used to like Marcel and at another point in time you liked Colt (you didn’t like them both at the same time) and they also reciprocated those feelings, is a HUGE insecurity of Eren’s

Basically your parents, Eren’s siblings, and your friend Amanda throw it in Eren’s face all the time that it was dumb luck on Eren’s part that you’re Mrs. (Y/L/N)-Jaeger and not Mrs. Grice or Mrs. Galliard

Again, even if there’s no more feelings at all between you and Marcel, same thing with Colt too, Eren is a little more worried about Marcel cause of the whole really really stupid deal he struck with Colt mentioned in part 2 of the history of fairytales.

Marcel is always going to be a constant part of his life because you made him Eliza’s godfather.

So the affair has been going on for about two years. And the event that sparked it would be Eren witnessing Marcel’s S/O at the time breaking off their engagement and them basically telling Eren that Marcel may not love you in a romantic sense at the moment, but you never know if he’ll go back to loving you like that again (idk does that make sense? My brain is still scrambled from anthro and immunology)

This entire post has so many links and I am so sorry for that.

I’m not excusing cheating at all or justifying Eren’s actions in the slightest.

But I do want to point out that a lot of issues in Eren’s relationship with you could have been solved by communication.

I’m so sorry if I confused you even more. Some of these questions might be answered later on in the story…? Honestly we’re answering these questions together Feel free to send me another ask for clarifying specific parts though.

Take care of yourself, anon ♡♡

Make sure you stay hydrated because temperatures are starting to rise again where I live 😭

[x1uizy]

woodz woops! first listen commentary

trigger is so good! i need to listen again for coherent commentary but yes!!! he did that!!! she is who buck thought she was!!!

second listen: it almost has a country inspo? it's interesting that he began and ended the album with country inspired vibes but stuck within very non country songs (with trigger being more pop/trap/rap and tide being a slow song).

also i know that it was between this song and bump bump...i really like this song but bump bump was DEFINITELY the right choice!!!! this is a very fun promoted bside but bump bump definitely feels better to me as a title.

the transition between trigger and bump bump saved my life

bump bump is making me like,,,nostalgic for my friends 😭😭😭 it's definitely that post graduation summer roadtrip song that you listen to with the windows down,,,i love her sm i wish she came out,,, you know,,,in the summer 😭😭😭

on my own...the upbeat alt teenager vibes continue. i really like this one too, if im continuing the metaphor this is the song that plays when your friends have fallen asleep in the backseat and you and the driver are the only ones awake just chilling and reflecting,,,god the vibes im so 😭😭😭

thanks to was written for his grandmother iirc? it's really sweet, i think after hearing that i expected it to be more like a ballad? but im really happy that it's more chill w/ a tropical house kinda beat. the key change was unnecessary imo but i really do like the song hhh

sweater ooo 2/5ths(?) of mola 😭😭😭 lowkey im glad that most of the ppl who were mad at jamie are gone lmfao, that was stupid as hell and im glad that it doesn't seem to have affected their bond

anyways it's very chill and their voices are really great as usual. i could see this song doing really well in sk, it has coffee shop vibes (i think its charting lowest rn though lol) its kinda low-fi too? i could see dean and luna doing a song just like this, or maybe even heize

tide - very slow but not boring at all. as a person who doesn't really like slow songs this is like. nearly my ideal slow song. like i can actually see myself putting this on a playlist and studying to it lol (simjlar to sweater, but sweater is more chill than outright slow)

overall im extremely satisfied with this album, but i had a feeling i would be! my vibes match seungyoun's 9 times out 10. woops! definitely makes my top albums playlist, i might remove tide and perhaps sweater.

for some of these songs, you can really tell that he wrote them during luizy era. the emotions are similar but the performance is more sophisticated. i appreciate that soooo much.

ranking: i think its obvious but bump bump > trigger > on my own > thanks to > sweater > tide ...so album order minus bb and trigger lol 😅

comparison to prev music:

i respect equal's creative drive and i do love it a lot, but woops! definitely fits my vibes better. so ranking them together:

bump bump > trigger > on my own > lift up > waikiki ≥ love me harder > noid > accident ≥ thanks to > sweater > tide > buck > memories

i cant really rank different, pool, how have you been, baby ride, etc because they feel like a very different seungyoun tbh. like i love those songs a lot and wouldnt call them worse than his new stuff, but even like. equipment quality and editing quality differences are clear to me (esp with the luizy stuff) so idek hoe to put them together with the "refined" seungyoun lol. but if anyone cares my ranking of those songs is hhyb > different > baby ride > pool and idr the rest off of the top of my head. anyways back to equal:

love me harder is my 14th most listened to song, followed by lift up at 25, waikiki & noid at 60 & 61 and accident is 73 (kinda funny how the order is off from my ranking but i mightve streamed lmh idr). i definitely think bb, trigger, and omo will make the list, idk if they'll unseat all of equal with a month and a half left in the year but. they definitely could bc i like them sm.

also, continuing the earlier thought about luizy vibes/sy growing up as an artist: i really like equal but it definitely seemed like angsty seungyoun. not that that can't express that (in fact im glad he does) but i find equal to be a very intense album with very little breaks. it almost makes me wish that woops! was a repack of equal, because i feel like they balance eachother very well. equal felt like "meaningless" seungyoun, refined but still angsty? whereas woops! feels like him on the road to healing, it's very nice :) (note: this is purely based on vibes, not lyrics btw lol)

if anyone else has thoughts feel free to reply or whatever, i love talking about this stuff!