#half of the bsd ships

[hibipoyo]

i don’t want these stupid gays to be together because they’re cute. i want them to be together because they’re so toxic and incompatible that it cancels itself out and they get stuck with each other because nobody else is enough of a little freak to handle them. i want them to hate each other so much they get married because they may actively be ripping each other to shreds but they foam at the mouth when separated

[bungobble-my-balls]

OK correct me if I'm wrong, but I feel like the main 'yin/yang' parallel with Atsushi and Akutagawa is not something like 'this one is bad but secretly has a good side and this one is good but secretly has a bad side'.

I feel like it's more about 'who they are at their core vs who they choose to be'.

At his core Akutagawa is kind and at his core Atsushi is not. But despite this Atsushi tries every day to make the kinder choices and I love him so much for it. He has to work so hard to be good.

He wants to be a bitch SO bad I know he does but he tries his best to help people and be nice (sometimes he fails but that's OK <3)

Atsushi doesn't always WANT to help people, a lot of the time he's selfish and scared, but he does help people anyway. He keeps helping people over and over again. There's still some selfish motivation to it, and his initial motivation for helping people was because the headmaster told him that's all he was worth, but overall he does care about the people he helps and it weighs on him if he fails to save them. And of course, as the series goes on he starts helping people more because he can rather than because he feels like he needs to.

In Akutagawa's case, he's still capable of being kind but his environment led him into being someone who chooses to hurt people. But he's always been a protector at heart. In the start he was bad compared to Atsushi because he was choosing to hurt people and keep the cycle of abuse going. Just like how Atsushi developed in why he saved people, Akutagawa starts to get redeemed when he chooses to not just act on his rage. Not only does he start to spare people, but he speaks more kindly to them (apologising to Higuchi and telling Kyouka he's proud of her). It all culminates into the moment he chooses to help Atsushi and sacrifice himself for him, going back to his core value of being a protector. Even when he's finally revived, he keeps this role in his new position as Aya's Knight.

I kind of see the streaks of white in Akutagawa and the streaks of black in Atsushi not as their 'hidden sides' but as their fundamental selfs. That's who they are at their core, and their main colours (black for Akutagawa and white for Atsushi) are how they're presented to everyone else and how they try to have people see them as.

[nonbinary-akutagawa]

Bsd Playlist Song Recs for Characters and Ships Post1

Dazai (skk)(kndz):

Post1 post2 post3 post4 post5 post6 post7

[d1shfandomz]

the toxic odazai stans found me guys pray for me💔😞

[transmasc-skk-spotted]

Transmasc skk spotted?

T4T ChuuAtsu: Period Cramps

[moraymiso]

i feel like people are taking the Infamous Skk Interview far too seriously and literally for what it was. skk as a ship wasn’t even mentioned, the question was just about dazai’s partnership with kunikida and chuuya - and funnily enough, the whole half of it regarding kunikida was… pretty brushed over by the current fandom chaos in favor of… skk ship wars? oh boy.

first of all, it was an interview. it was not meant to be the end-all be-all of shipping discourse forever. it was not meant to be death to soukoku. it was not meant to be asigiri sliding pennies under the table to fanfic authors or yelling through a glass closet either. you guys are taking it way too seriously.

and above all else, what DID asigiri say in that interview? “i leave things up to fanworks / fan interpretations”. so yes, please, enjoy your ships! continue to write your rockstar au fanfics and draw your highschool-sweetheart-skk artworks! enjoy your doomed yaoi with the peace of mind that asigiri hired several skk shippers. he does not hate you. i promise

and to people who dislike skk, chill out with waving this interview around in everyone’s faces. neither side should be up in arms over this, it’s not worth the chaos or finger-pointing. enjoy bsd however you enjoy bsd

[skkfujoshi]

Who wakes their partner up in the middle of the night with weird shit-BSD ship addition

Soukoku

Dazai can’t sleep,so he will just grab his suicide book and start reading it with his phone screen on 100% brightness,almost blinding Chuuya every time it wakes him up.

It got so bad that Chuuya locks Dazai’s phone in his safe every time they sleep together in Chuuya’s apartment.Dazai always figures the combination out somehow.

Shin Soukoku. Atsushi gets out of bed easily enough to get some snacks.The problem happens when he gets back,because Rūynosuke spread over the bed,trying to migrate to the warmer half where Atsushi’s body was.

Atsushi very gently wakes him up,but to Akutagawa he’s met with fucking glowing cat eyes and he’s groggy so he just immediately assumes it’s a demon come to steal his cold black soul.And thus he assaults Atsushi with a pillow.

He’s always very sorry afterwards.

Fukumori

Back when they worked together,Fukuzawa would get woken up by Mori,covered in blood,asking him to help him dispose of a body.If it was someone that just annoyed Mori,he’d go back to bed.But if it was someone they both hated than he’d help out,though he’d still be grumpy about it.

Ranpoe

Poe just gets out of bed very clumsily and since they’re both not the tidiest people he trips and falls often.Loudly.He also gets up often because he’s a writer and will just have a random burst of inspiration at like 3AM.

Luckily Ranpo will often stay up with him giving notes on the mystery he’s working on.Less fortunately,that ends up with both of them exhausted next morning.

Kousano

Yosano will wake Kōyo up to ask about restraint methods because her ‘patients’ keep struggling and that makes her job really hard.Kōyo actually is usually very happy to answer,though she has begged Akiko to keep those questions for the morning.

The only problem is that when Akiko does wait for the morning,she also wants a demonstration on herself and that makes them both late to work.

Tachigin

Tachihara is the prime example of that “Would you love me if I was a worm?” boyfriend.He will ask Gin random questions in the middle of the night,for no apparent reason than it just came to him.Her patience usually lasts up until question 20 after which she threatens him with a thorough gutting,which usually works.

[vivid-vices]

out of all of the commonly circulated bsd headcanons, the one that drives me most insane is mori forcing dazai to sleep in a shipping container. not even getting into how incredibly out of character that would be, it eliminates two much funnier options for why he was there

1. he was luring verlaine to a place with no witnesses or potential casualties and set it up as his residence so it wouldn't seem suspicious (it was still suspicious as fuck but more in a why is this kid so fucking weird? way)

or my personal favorite that is much less likely

2. dazai was in his "in case you haven’t noticed, i'm weird. i’m a weirdo. i don't fit in. and i don't want to fit in. have you noticed me sleeping in a shipping container in the middle of a toxic waste dump? that's weird" era

if mori wanted to force dazai to do anything during that era, it would probably be to actually take care of himself. like would you want a teenage boy who smelled like toxic waste and lack of showers in your office half the time? i'm gonna guess no.

[popcorn428]

so this is where the mha fandom went

Okay here's a little rant: fuck the bsd tiktok fandom.

No, I don't mean those awesome cosplayers or those insane theory makers (dazai's plot armour I'm looking at you) : I mean those toxic shippers that do not respect other's opinions.

First: I cannot believe I got attacked for being a multi-shipper- for context, I basically commented something Sigzai-based on a tiktok featuring sigma and dazai, and people were literally telling me to get help like wtf??? Then, those skk shippers came up and said I need therapy for not shipping skk. Number one, have you fucking seen my skk fanfics/headcanons/doodles/delusions? Number two, people have a right to ship characters as long as they're not proships or anything illegal- And then, I saw a thread of comments on another video starting with someone saying "who tf doesn't ship soukoku?". Ofc someone said 'me!'. They were super chill about it and guess what? Those skk shippers told them to get therapy and said whatever 'kunizai shit' they're shipping is bs and skk for life etc etc.

Honestly, that made me so pissed. What the hell is wrong with people. Do I even have to explain myself here? Anyways, Idk if it's only my fucked up fyp or smth, but by the amount of arguments and insults I can see just because someone doesn't ship the ship you like is basically immature. Grow the fuck up.

[bnesszai]

COMMISSIONS OPEN

my ao3 for reference

$15 up to 1k

$20 for 2k

$25 for 3k

$30 for 4k

$35 for 5k

5k+ please DM to discuss  

If you request a word count and I go over it due to my own lack of self control, I will not charge you for the extra.

Half or full payment due up front, the rest upon completion. Payment can be done through kofi.

Unless discussed otherwise, I have the right to post the fic to AO3/Tumblr.

Fandoms i will write for: bsd, one piece, haikyuu, sk8, fruits basket, the owl house, fma

Will write: platonic, romantic, fluff, angst, MCD, most things not listed below

Will not write: nsfw, gore, incest, minor/adult, omegaverse, self insert

If you're interested in a fandom/character/ship you have not seen me write on ao3 or Tumblr, please ask me! 

I have the right to refuse any commission for any reason.

DM me if you're interested!:)

[merriclo]

i’m 100% vagueposting here but so many very popular BSD analyses are essentially just huge reaches that can be easily disproven, made due to a deep misunderstanding of the narrative and a lack of genuine respect for the process of analyzing.

i’ve seen entire essays on how Dazai didn’t abuse Akutagawa, and how Akutagawa doesn’t abuse Higuchi. i’ve seen post after post discount the importance of the trust that rests within Double Black. i’ve seen people argue over whether or not Kunikida’s ideals are healthy.

and half the damn time, sources aren’t cited whatsoever: there’s no quotes or manga panels used anywhere!! scenes and moments will be referenced, but without a proper citation there’s so many different ways you can present and misconstrue what actually happened. and with a series like BSD, where so many aren’t able to read the light novels or watch the movie or read the manga, that can change so much.

and then it’ll be revealed that the author only spends like,, 3-4 hours max on the entire process behind one post. the information gathering, the writing, the formatting + aesthetics, and then the posting. if you’ve never gotten deep into analyzing media before, just know that 3-4 hours is a painfully short amount of time to give an analysis.

it boggles my mind, too, because it will be these exact kinds of posts that are written with nothing but contempt for the readers. their words will be laced with pure annoyance and distaste for the audience and general fandom. i’ve even witnessed people publicly insult commenters who praised them, calling them stupid sheep for being hyperbolic in their compliments. it’s cruel, and incredibly mean-spirited.

speaking of which, there’s also a conversation to be had about how bigotry impacts these discussions. several character analyses i’ve seen have been nothing but poorly-masked attempts at discounting popular queer ships, or ignoring the abuse present in heterosexual ones to provide an alternative. but that’s… its own entire can of worms that i’ll crack open at a later date.

tl;dr, think critically, and always for yourself. an analysis shouldn’t be trying to end a conversation, they should always be seen as an addition to them. the author attempting anything else is a major red flag. you should always be trying to find the parts of analyses that you agree and disagree with!! don’t let anyone tell you want to think, that is for you and you alone to decide.

i know this is honestly seems like a non-issue, but media literacy is an incredibly important skill to have in the real world, and it starts with the very media (and commentary of said media) you consume. stay critical chat ily

[fvedyetor]

ah no bingo... oh well :)

BSD FAN BINGO !!!! (pls do it.)

[mikayuumouse]

short time ago the unfortunate thought came to me that if by some chance Atsulucy for Canon, it would be disrespectful to ship Shin soukoku, Because it would be disrespectful to the asagiri's choice to make them Canon. or else asagiri could say that he doesn't like people shipping Shin So I would automatically be the one forced to stop shipping my comfort ship.Do you agree that someday Asagiri would do this or that if Atsulucy is Canon we should stop shipping Shin Soukoku?

Well Asagiri said he "doesn't want to disrespect the real life authors" but I feel like that isn't true (or at least, Asagiri does want to respect them but just doesn't really), because I mean, in Bsd half the authors are murderers and terrorists and do so many horrible things, plus Higuchi was a real author and she's in love with Akutagawa (I do not support Akuhigu I think it's a horribly toxic ship)

It's definitely respect in terms of Asagiri isn't bashing on the actual authors, but he's allowed to do whatever he wants with *his* characters and wow, he makes them pretty messed up

Bsd isn't a romance series so I highly doubt Atsulucy would ever be canon; plus people really over exaggerate her and Atsushi's relationship. They're not even that close, Atsushi has extreme trust issues and I don't think Lucy has feelings for him, she's just grateful for him. Their relationship isn't "specially romantic" or anything, if Lucy was hypothetically replaced with Louisa, or Mark, or someone else from the Guild, Atsushi would still save them. He didn't save Lucy because their relationship was something special it was because she was technically innocent and Atsushi tries to save as many lives as he can. I just really think Atsulucy from like, a romantic pov, has very little development. Idk why people actually ship it, saying "it's cute" isn't really grounds for a relationship (I am not judging ofc, people can have their own opinions and I'll let them be I'm just saying imo Atsulucy is pretty darn nonsensical)

And there are lots of fandoms where a ship is canon and people still ship other ships. Let's take Naruto for example (spoilers for Naruto), Sasuke and Sakura end up getting married but the majority of Naruto fans do *not* ship Sasusaku

I think if Atsulucy or a different ship than Sskk became canon, it would be perfectly fine to still ship Sskk, it's the most popular ship for both Atsushi and Akutagawa so I doubt people would just abandon it for the canon ship

If Atsulucy became canon I wouldn't start shipping Atsulucy nor would I stop shipping Sskk, Sskk is dear to my heart and I'm very devoted to the relationship and dynamic they have (also on regards to Asagiri hypothetically stating that he doesn't want his fans to ship Shin Soukoku, I reallyyy doubt that. I'm 99% sure Sskk was originally supposed to be canon, plus Asagiri would never say anything like that to his fans, it's just plain rude. And nor do I think it would be "disrespect" to Asagiri for shipping Sskk, it's just a ship/opinion, there's nothing wrong with that. People shouldn't have to change their minds about a ship just because the creator made some other ship canon)

But that's just my opinion lol

[myfandomhalf]

BSD is the only fandom I know of that would take canon content between a ship and say “that doesn’t count bc it’s fanservice” 💀 what does that even mean?? And yes I’m talking about

This is an actual scene in a movie / manga / light novel. Asagiri was involved and supervised the whole thing. It HAPPENED. It’s CANON. Wdym it “doesn’t count”??? Who decided to write this off as fanservice?? Like you guys are taking one of the most canon gay scenes and saying it doesn’t count bc it’s too gay so therefore it must be fanservice. You really think they had a meeting like “we should do something nice for the skk shippers let’s have Dazai and Chuuya be super gay” you think Asagiri with his track record would do/allow that?? You think he’d throw in some unnecessary yaoi just as a treat?? Please bffr.

If this happened with any m/f ship it would be treated as genuine ship content. Hell, if this happened with bakudeku half the fandom would rejoice and the other half would be beyond livid and disgusted but they wouldn’t say “doesn’t count it’s just fanservice”

[sabh0]

What's your opinion on the anime? I find it pretty funny, but I can't say that I am not disappointed to see so many scenes missing.

For exemple, I wanted to see Dazai cry laugh at Chuuya's young mistress act, show that it was a joke shared by both of them, rather than one made to us at the expense of Chuuya. They took a genuinely funny moment and made me cringe SO hard for no reason T^T

God i could go on for hours about how Bones ruined this series. I'm obviously thankful we have an anime adaptation but. Well just compare bsd anime to jjk one or smth and yeah.

I will be complaining more under the cut,,

First the overall writing choices:

-Deleting or changing skk scenes to the point im not even shocked when ppl think these two actually somehow hate each other.

-The way they portrayed Sigma. They deleted half of his personality and backstory. And just speedrunned the Sky Casino arc like if seeing that place was giving them nightmares. No wonder he gets mischaracterized now.

-Tachihara's internal conflict about belonging to either Port Mafia or The Hunting Dogs? Bones never heard about it. It's not like IT'S A VERY IMPORTANT PLOT POINT.

-Akutagawa's whole character in the anime is just 'edgy and angry and bad grr'. In the manga he had some 'kind' or even seelf-reflection moments that were ommited in the anime. Like where he realizes defeating Atsushi didn't satisfy him (ship fight, season 1). Or when he gives files about the orphanage Director to Atsushi and says he won't fight him today because he lost someone impirtant to him. Sskk vs Fukuchi fight?? No scene where Sskk r helping each other walk. Instead we get Akutagwa just pushing Atsushi away. Won't even start on that last smile that looked more like another angry expression.

-THE WAY THEY CHANGED "DAZAI'S ENTRANCE EXAM" INTO SOME CURRENT TIMELINE EPISODES. IT MAKES ME SO ANGRY LIKE. THIS NOVEL WAS SO GOOD. Showing both Dazai and Kunikida's characters and partnership so well. But no. Let's just??? Put Atsushi there. Let's delete the fact this thing happened 2 years ago. And let's delete everything that was actually important about it, too.

-also some changes in the Dark Era arc. Like. Lord. Dazai is so much more emotional in the novel. His expressions r described so well. But the anime either shows him from the back at those moments (him finding out Oda was almost killed by a sniper in Ango's room) or just deletes/changes the thing (Oda dying. This scene is so emotional in the novel. From the description u can tell Dazai was crying/on the verge of it as Odasaku died. But in the anime he looks calm and then we get a far aeay frame and he just. Gets up and that's it yeah.) They also deleted the scene of him visiting Oda's grave.

-The way they rushed seasons 4 and 5. Just to give us an episode that goes further than the manga and has the shittiest writing ever when it comes to skk's plan revelation (im so angry about this u guys have no idea. I sincerely believe that if this episode never came out, the manga would go differently bc there's no way that Asagiri who wrote things like Stormbringer suddenly thought that some dollar store vampire make up will fool a guy who's centuries old and literally lived next to vampires. But well!! Seems like these two speeches Dazai gave weren't important at all and now we can just forget about them yippiee)

I could definitely mention WAYY more examples of that but this is already long af. Like guys. I know u cant fit everything in an animated show. It takes time to make it and all but. Bro. The character's in the anime r so shallow compared to their original versions.

.

Now onto the artstyle of the anime.

Lord. U know? It was actually pretty in the first 2 seasons. The official arts at the time were also really nice to look at.

No idea what happened later. Why did Bones suddenly decide that those ugly turtle smiles r gonna become the main thing in the character design. Why so many fisheyes. Atp sometimes i look at the official art and i go oh lord even i could fix it. It really feels like they draw some characters ugly on purpose now (Chuuya being the main victim for unknown reasons).

Tho i must say they have their moments even now. Some last episodes of season 5 weren't really bad, especially the Meursault part (love them for animating Dazai and Sigma dancing so well. And for that 101 animation. And maybe for the heartattack they gave me with 109 and Chuuya shooting Dazai so many times.)

.

On some other things, i really like the music! Bsd openings and endings never miss,,,

[amber-sekio]

And if you can forgive, love will truly live

Fandom: BSD -Bungo Stray Dogs

Ship: Dazai x Reader

Prompt: “'Sorry for showing up like this.’ You sighed, your shoulders relaxing in silent defeat. ‘Come in.’” 

TW: mentions of death (Oda), mentioned bad home life though not explicit

!Gender of reader is not specified!

A/N: I do plan on making a 2nd part where the reader and Dazai talk things out and get in a relationship, not sure when I'll finish it though

The word count for chapter 1 is roughly 2k

Also, this will be posted on my ao3, link on my master list

You had known Dazai for a long time, perhaps not as long as Chuuya has, but that’s beside the point.  

While you had grown up around shady people and been dealing with said shady people’s shady shit pretty much your whole life, courtesy of your shitty, shady parents, you hadn’t actually joined the Port Mafia until you were 17. Two years older than Dazai and Chuuya, but joined the Mafia around roughly the same time Chuuya had.  

With your ability, it didn’t take long for you to begin to climb the ranks. It wasn’t like you were trying to specifically reach the rank of executive, but gradually, you crept closer.  

About a year and a half after you had joined you had made a name for yourself, and that was also about the time you had met Dazai and Chuuya for the first time during a bigger mission.  

You had somehow managed to become something like friends with them on that mission and had become a somewhat regularity to be paired with them on large missions. You were tough enough to handle both their eccentric personalities as well as teasing enough to get along with Dazai and passionate enough to friend Chuuya.  

It was a weird trio you had formed, often being the one to defuse them when they began to bicker. And of course, apologizing when they disturbed the everyday citizens with their fighting when the three of you had time off to just be kids.  

Over time, you had begun to grow closer and fonder of Dazai, being able to relate to him more often than one probably should, but whatever. Sometimes, the two of you would find each other silently sitting at the docks staring off into nothingness, neither of you would talk, just simply get lost in your endless thoughts while enjoying the presence of someone who was similar enough to understand you.   

On one such occasion Dazai had broken the endless silence of the waves below your feet; inviting you to join him to meet with his bar friends. That was when you met Ango and Oda. They were pleasant company and you had found yourself growing attached to them just like you knew Dazai was, though he would’ve probably denied it at the time.  

So, when Dazai disappeared one night with no traces, followed by learning of Oda’s death. You knew.  

That didn’t make it hurt any less of course. Especially with how his sudden departure shed light on your feelings for him.  

While Chuuya presented himself to be finally rid of his presence, you both knew that Dazai leaving had hurt both of you. You had chosen to tell Chuuya Dazai’s reasons for leaving, not wanting the anger of Dazai’s leaving to grow into hatred, besides, Chuuya would’ve pieced it together eventually.  

And like that. Everything continued. The Port Mafia didn’t mourn over its losses. Executive duties called.  

So, when after 4 years of no contact, to say you were surprised at his being in the ADA would be an understatement.   

You hadn’t had the chance to see him yet like Chuuya had but you were there to witness Chuuya’s drunken midnight rant after having invited you over.  

“Oh, trust me, he’s as shitty a mackerel as he always has been. He hasn’t changed a bit.” Chuuya slurred off, grumbling under his breath as he laid his head down on the counter.   

You were both sitting at the kitchen island, a bottle of some expensive wine brand, open and mostly empty now, was on the counter between you.   

You sat with your body facing Chuuya, your head resting in your palm, elbow against the counter.   

“Mhm. He hasn’t changed a bit huh?” You spoke more for the simple sake of speaking, entertaining the drunk man before you. You didn’t need clarification of something you already knew.  

Dazai had always been capable of doing good. He just didn’t care between doing good or bad, it made no difference to him. He’s only working for the light because it’s what Oda wanted. Dazai not changing wasn’t a surprise. So Chuuya’s following words were a little less than expected.  

“Actually…” He paused, slurring off again before clarifying his words, his head remained poised on the counter. “He looked… brighter?” He seemed to question his own words before continuing. “Brighter and healthier. He seemed…” Chuuya trailed off again but not due to his drunken state. He stopped himself from finishing his train of thought.  

“Happier?” You finished for him.  

He didn’t respond.  

After that, you had practically forgotten about Dazai now being in the ADA, too busy with missions and the seemingly never-ending, growing stack of paperwork.  

That was until tonight.   

It had been a grueling past few days, rainy weather, long meetings, missions to assign, missions to report and file, and of course your endless stack of shitty paperwork that had somehow found itself in your home office, taking up even more of your own time which was already short considering your importance to the Mafia.  

After you got home, sometime around the dead-ass crack of dawn, you had only grabbed a cup of coffee, one of the larger mugs you owned, before heading to your office for more work.  

Sometime, while in the middle of reviewing some report, you had fallen asleep, lulled by the endless pitter-patter of rain hitting the window in your office.   

You had slept most of the day away and upon waking, it had already grown dark outside, probably around 9 or 10 at night now, and you were thankful to whatever divine being had granted you a day off today because you would have been so fucking late. You chose to willfully ignore that Mori-san was technically the one who made your schedule. He was a good boss, competent in his decisions, but he was no divine being.  

Stretching in your chair, you could feel the soreness of your muscles from the previous day of work. There was a tightness in your back, worse than it normally was, courtesy of sleeping in your chair.  

A knock sounded on your door, soft when it made its way to your ears but still clear as it cut through the silence of the penthouse you called home.  

You dragged your body to your door, still completely dressed head-to-toe in your typical Mafia outfit with the addition of a few wrinkles, your shoes clacking noisily on the floor.  

“Coming!” You called out before the person waiting behind your door could think to knock again.  

Reaching your door, you work through your security system before opening your door, behind, a man you hadn’t seen for 4 years.  

Your tiredness slipped away from your body as you gasped. Your body now on alert as you stared at him.   

He was dressed in, presumedly, his ADA outfit, light in color. His bandages still covered his neck, probably the rest of his body, but the ones that used to cover his eye were gone. He had clearly gained weight since you had last seen him, though he still lacked a significant amount of meat on his bones someone his age and height should have.  

Chuuya was right, he looked happier. No. That was wrong. He didn’t look happy. He looked… sad? Guilty?  

They weren’t emotions you were familiar with seeing on him. Sure, you had seen both emotions on people in the Mafia during interrogations… but on Dazai? No. He hardly ever even faked them.  

He did look brighter though. Healthier.  

He also looked- no was drenched. His clothes were darkened by the rainwater still pouring outside. Dripping water on the carpeted floor. You could see a few dark spots on the floor down the hall, marking his trail.  

He beat you to a response.  

“Sorry for showing up like this.”   

You sighed, your shoulders relaxing in silent defeat. “Come in.”  

You stepped to the side, letting him in.  

You closed the door behind him as he observed the expensive and modern decorations. It lacked any personality, at least to an untrained eye. If one looked closer, you could make out a knick-knack here or there that didn’t quite fit the rest of the rather drab decorations.  

It lacked vulnerability.  

Your bedroom, though, where only you went into, your interests bled out.  

“I assume your room has more personality than this, no?” Dazai’s tone was off. A half-hearted attempt to lighten the mood.  

“Vulnerability isn’t something Mafia Executives have the luxury to indulge in often.”  

He didn’t respond.  

“You can hang your coat on the rack.” You spoke, staring at his back as he walked into your home. “And take your shoes off.”  

You turned down the hall towards your room, leaving Dazai to settle.  

As you walked you called out to Dazai, not facing him. “I should have some clothes that fit you.” Then as an afterthought, “I want you to take a shower.”  

When you walked back into the living room with some clothes, Dazai had actually listened, his coat was hung up and his shoes were in the genkan, he had also taken off his socks, probably soaked after being out in the rain.   

You walked up to him, handing him the clothes. “Go take a shower. There should be some rolls of bandages in there, though I’m not sure how many I have left.”  

He took the clothes from you silently, then: “Thank you.”  

You looked him in the eyes, trying to discern how much you didn’t know about him anymore. How much you needed to learn about him.  

“Have you eaten?” You spoke calmly, trying to ignore the thoughts and feelings swirling inside you without end.  

“I-…” He hesitated. “No. I haven’t.”  

Without another word, you left him to go take a shower. It was probably a good idea to make something to eat anyway, considering you were currently running off of a single cup of coffee.  

You decided to not bother to cook and instead pulled out two packets of ramen in part because you were still tired as fuck, and you didn’t know if Dazai’s eating habits had changed or not.   

It was better to settle for something simple that he might eat if you were lucky.  

It didn’t take long for the ramen to finish heating up and for you to place it in two bowls so you placed them on the table. You were about to go check on Dazai when he turned the corner into the living room.  

Something was off, he had changed into the clothes you got for him, and his hair was still wet, dripping water off of his soft curls. He seemed… hesitant -nervous? More so than he had been before taking a shower.  

“I made ramen.” You spoke, realizing you had been looking for a bit too long. You gestured to the table with the two bowls full of still steaming ramen.  

“Thank you…” His voice was quiet, low. He clearly wasn’t bothering to hide his hesitancy, or perhaps he was just failing miserably in trying.   

You sat down at one end of the table and busied yourself with eating. You watched him shift over to the seat adjacent to you. 

Your eyes widened in upon noticing. “You’re not wearing your bandages?”  

He shifted in his seat, avoiding your gaze.  

“The hoodie and shorts are soft…”   

The ‘and I trust you’ went unsaid but understood.

Your face softened around the edges.

“Eat.”  

He responded with a nod before picking up his chopsticks.  

Soon enough you had finished your food, and though Dazai only ate half, it was more than you were expecting him to eat. You placed your dishes in the sink to deal with another time before returning to the table, though you remained standing. Dazai had yet to get up.  

“Do you want to watch something? I have a day off so…” You trailed off awkwardly.  

He looked up but he didn’t quite meet your eyes.   

“Sure.”  

The only light currently on was the blue light emitted from the television that was playing some show you were hardly paying any more attention to. After a few episodes, you had shifted from sitting awkwardly on opposite sides of the couch to where Dazai was now practically lying on top of you. He was lying his head on your chest with his face turned towards the screen, invested in whatever show it was that was playing. You had let him pick. You were far more interested in watching as he relaxed into you as you ran your fingers through his now, mostly dry, curls.  

“Tired?” Your voice no more than a whisper.  

“No…” He responded; a hint of a tired whine interlaced in it. A tone his voice always had when he was tired just didn’t want to sleep in lieu of whatever he was currently doing, which at the moment was watching a show while cuddling with someone he hadn’t seen in 4 years.  

“Sure~.” You teased as your nails gently scratched at his scalp.  

He grumbled something softly into your chest.  

You knew how bad, how dangerous your next thought was. It could end badly for both of you, but you couldn’t help when the words slipped from your tongue.   

“Why don’t we go to bed hm?”   

He responded with an unintelligible whine, pressing his face further into your chest, as he wrapped his lanky arms around your back.  

You sighed softly but even if he had clearly put on more weight, he still wouldn’t be able to put up much of a fight against you physically speaking. You gathered what remaining strength you had in you as you wrapped your hands around his waist before shifting to a sitting position. Then you secured your arms under him to lift him up in your arms.  

“Come on, you lanky beanpole. Time for bed.”  

The talk could wait for tomorrow, after all, he couldn’t leave with his clothes still in the washer.

PT 2