#halloween jewely box | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

brandonwayneb · 1 year

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'so i got this jewel lore'

agents to act like each other are eating and collecting marble souls

i say focus blood gymnastics

they say, distract everyone enough that they unwittingly join and participate in human trafficking

i said, blood gymnastics

they say, jew Elementary scoot Lore

debauchery: de base bought cherry

disciple: de psy side wind pools

these are the two primary words used before and after, mutilation

Decide, Pool.

Denial Ate Cherry Starbursts

Blame a 'Bot'

Blame a 'Cotton Tail Rabbit Cot'

Blame a 'Potato, Taught Tot Tow'

mental blood clot

"debauchery"

"disciple"

the main to words used in backdoor Knight or gnat body dysphoria

Suck on Euphoria

Suck on Rainbow Sherbet

Purposely get high off the blood and soul of victims.

Say Uncle Sammy

Say Captain Steve

Say Cut their veins and Sleeves

The words "debauchery"

used to say panic attack Bot Tea

used to say panic attack Bot DeDe

used to say panic attack Side Pool

used to say panic attack Ex Psy Mint

experiment, stay "shun"

experiment, stay "ch ch chicken"

desperate ROPE

desperate ROD

this may sound odd, but I heard agents discussing treating bodies like a blended COD

"ch ch ch ch ch ch ch"

"china rodeo"

"cherry's"

"checks"

and "witch witch"

code word "With Cher"

code word "With Chair"

code word "covert Lair"

code word "covert Fan Fair"

chicken lair

blood apple

blood pizza

blood chicken

coverts blame; Bull Shit

coverts blame; Ox Oxogen Harvest

coverts blame; "Halloween came early this year boys!" as discussions of excitement extraction techniques are openly passed around as food resources

Main words that obligate and obliterate american background forces,

"Ch" chicken for china

"Ch" power to witches

cover ups in america,

america loss: Knight Honor

america gain: infestation of global white rats and sauerkraut burgers

Knights. Lords.

Temple Brain Doors.

Reports and Statements,

that completely recale the american nation, during the active mass fallout of white privacy backdoor honor

"Favorite Emporium"

Debauchery: death

Disciple: backdoor lordships

Disciple: Disc Psy Pull

Ch, channel

Ch, church

Ch, chicken

Ch, short change

Ch, slam someones head

Dr. Seuss Horton hears a who

Blame China

Blame Witch

america death que ditch

debauchery

disciple

Bull in Betty Boop

Bull in Make Kashmir Sweater poop

Oxford Brandon

Oxford Bridget

Oxford Whisper Potato Midget

Protect Bridget.

Torey and Corey

Skylore,

Paige,

palestine mage.

Twine Sage

Twine Rage

Twine Old Bubble Ass Age

Twine Agenda

Twine Be A Pretendaauh

Twine, 5 and 5 makes 10

shake ur ass while ur hands are on a wall.

A, Wal.

America.

Not Knights.

Only Rats

sauerkraut chicken burger chunks,

where america's history damn stunk

snitch? or witch?

Wienerschnitzel exposây

exfoliate skin care cosmopolitan

fake code words; "america's favorite museum, Emporium"

say, ch ch ch ch ch ch ch

say, cheese zit white sauerkraut

Ch Ch Ch,

worse than Sh Sh Sh Sh

know the difference between hydras that snake pit each other

Snakeskin.

Snakes, Yes.

Scorpions, No.

Scorpion: Scoop Poop and Piss

Snake: simply hiss 666

if talks of "skits soul fan ticks"

if talks of "skits sky ski discs"

again discussions of premeditated mass murders 'skillfully assaulted'

Skunks,

Skulls,

and Blown Bunks

Enemies sounds:

Ch Ch Ch Ch Ch Ch

Sk Sk Sk Sk Sk Sk

Sip Sip Sip Sip Sip

Allies sounds:

S S S S S S

s s s s s s

sh sh sh sh sh sh

Slip Purs

Cur Civ

escalade german coo-laid

Favorite Sex Add Dick Words

"Temple Ram"

"Raman Noodle"

spectroscopy

spectore

spec tree

poltergeist

command inspector gadget

command gridlock

command peg gay sas griffin

america's death war hall industry

Duces Bro Jeffery Star Wart Bubble

enemy summary america Jasper Knight's

America's Summary:

Goosebump Boxes

Churches Chicken Shits

throw away car, Fiat, Do Pre

"thats if they get ur "ten and 2"

or "5 and 5""

Play a game called

Count to Ten,

Count to Two,

Put Two Fives

and Shake ur Ass

now only speak Hissssss america Oil and Glass

now only speak Drug Sim Needle Strike To The Throat.

Learn How to Empower New Tele Remote

Now only speak Hive

Now only speak Hive+

sssssssttttttt+++++++

ssssssskkkkkkk+++++++

sssssssppppppp+++++++

ssssssshhhhhhh+++++++

now say Spec.

now say Special.

now say My name is Court Marshall

Red Marshmallow

Rainbow Death Strike from Soul Crush Crum

Crum Bells

Crum Bills

Crum Bulls

Crimson, Red

Jasper, Red

Red Deer

Red Bull

Red Ox

Hurricane Temple

Holocaust

Judah Babysitter

Manny, Male Nanny

But Lore

Maid

Rainbow Temple Coo-Laid

Judah, BabySitter

Destiny, Destination

Eternity, Eternal

Nit, Nat.

Bits, and Bats

Say Temple Bat

Say Temple Cat

Say Tombed,

Say Tomb,

Tom Tom Pilot.

America's favorite food and sex crimes

Red Roma Tomato

fix english language with Slow,

not Speed.

Say, Temple Steve

Say, Temple Stefani

Now say,

"do ray me fa, so la ti"

Now say the two primary differences in English shit,

"Potato or Poe Taught Tow"

"Tomato or Two May Tow"

Potato.

Tomato.

american's cyber space deathborg costs of life.

Activate Tom Tom Pilot ProLife99%

Keep 1% crimson needle

america’s disgrace

Now only speak Hive

Now only speak Hive+

sssssssttttttt+++++++

ssssssskkkkkkk+++++++

sssssssppppppp+++++++

ssssssshhhhhhh+++++++

now say Spec.

now say Special.

now say My name is Court Marshall

Red Marshmallow

Rainbow Death Strike from Soul Crush Crum

Crum Bells

Crum Bills

Crum Bulls

Crimson, Red

Jasper, Red

Red Deer

Red Bull

Red Ox

Hurricane Temple

Holocaust

Judah Babysitter

Manny, Male Nanny

But Lore

Maid

Rainbow Temple Coo-Laid

Judah, BabySitter

Destiny, Destination

Eternity, Eternal

Nit, Nat.

Bits, and Bats

Say Temple Bat

Say Temple Cat

Say Tombed,

Say Tomb,

Tom Tom Pilot.

America's favorite food and sex crimes

Red Roma Tomato

fix english language with Slow,

not Speed.

Say, Temple Steve

Say, Temple Stefani

Now say,

"do ray me fa, so la ti"

Now say the two primary differences in English shit,

"Potato or Poe Taught Tow"

"Tomato or Two May Tow"

Potato.

Tomato.

american's cyber space deathborg costs of life.

Activate Tom Tom Pilot ProLife99%

Keep 1% crimson needle

america health hell ultraviolet altar Notari Atari video game systems backdoor ass cord burgers

catches every criminal activity order within only focus Hospital and Jails.

Agents back door willy

Clown hospital play ground

Circus jail fruit loops

win oooooooVerrrrrrr crimes at

Transexual, pussy marbles

and say Atari Health Addict

and say Hell Ultra Basilisk

now say oregano oil

now say red wine oh spaghetti

now say mass honorless america

Atari Glutamate receptors dick berry heart failure

america's favorite Rep Tar Mat

gutter ball, guitar string

fixed at Gluten Free,

Zero Church Bread

now read agents who are excited to arrest and detain, and propane tank

as they talk of Bank

Bankruptcy and Hipsters with Hep C

america's naked mole rat station

america's molest station fanatical enjoyment

International War Lords

Religion War Lords

america's war crimes

War Crimes 'amerixa'

america's deathborg que, industry analysts translations

only animals:

1) rat

2) cow

3) chicken

4) goat

5) bull or ox

6) turkey

7) giraffe

8) snake

9) scorpion

10) sick mallards, geese

11) worms crop circles

12) mosquitoes daddy's blood bank

only instruments

1) harmonica

2) guitar

3) saxophone, jazz

4) tuba

5) ukulele's

only objects

1) balloon animals Wienerschnitzels

only foods

1) pumpkin

2) potato

3) tomato

4) M&Ms

5) skittles

6) jolly ranchers

7) pixie sticks

8) twizzlords

save Wicca

save Wit, intelligence

say History TEch; 70's Slurpy

Period, Dot, Look What I Cot

#allah #god #war #news #public #wicca #pagan #gay #lgbtq #irish #indian #muslim #prayer #asia #asian #freedom #channel #et #tech #blood #soul #jinn #esp #psy #wiccan #tom #england #bbc #satan #jokes

0 notes

theliterateape · 2 years

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GOP Halloween Candy Warnings!

by Joe Janes

Halloween used to be the time of year when families could have a little “spooky” fun with their neighbors by trick or treating. That is, until the true monsters of Halloween, the DEMON-crats, hijacked the holiday to indoctrinate (groom!) children into their way of “thinking”.

It’s not always easy to tell which of your neighbors vote blue during the year. On Halloween, it is very evident. The evil dems are likely to have the cooler decorations on their house and in their yard. This is to attract children. Stick to homes with decorations that require very little effort, such as a sign that says “Boo!” or paper skeletons in the window. Stuff you can get at the local grocery store in their autumn section.

Still, your children might insist that all houses matter since they want to fill their bags with candy. Check the candy when you get home!

HERE’S WHAT TO LOOK FOR!

Sugar-free chocolates filled with organic celery from a local farm

Apples with COVID vaccine needles stuck in them

Cracker Jacks boxes with a surprise banned book inside

Bazooka Joe Bubblegum but instead of little jokes in the wrapper, there are facts about critical race theory

Anything by Nerds – they are clearly trying to promote belief in science

Tootsie Pops with “Jew Food” in the center, like bagels

Some candy may not be altered but still pose a threat!

Jolly Ranchers – Think about it. Why are they so jolly?

Good & Plenty – promotes a socialist agenda

Hot Tamales – They are taking away the jobs of other candy

What’s Okay?

Necco Wafers and anything by Brach’s.

#comedy #satire #Halloween #GOP

0 notes

greyshan · 2 years

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Playinf goose two lines medicineon mymind

Not only would I have my own special turkey-stuffing recipe, I would make my own cranberry sauce. And a big centrepiece with corn and little pumpkins and autumnal harvesty stuff featured and a tablecloth with a turkey-featuring design on it. (No, feh, I don't like Halloween.) I would have little pilgrim salt and pepper shakers that I only used on Thanksgiving. Non-sectarian! Fully inclusive! 4 day long weekend! Crazy good food! And it' all about gratitude and giving thanks! (Duh.) I would carve pumpkins- no wait, that's Halloween. I actually feel a bit cheated that we don't have Thanksgiving in Australia, because that's the festival I really envy. As it is, you can imagine what Pesach and Rosh Hashanah and Succot look like at my place (but they go on FOREVER and at the end of a month of feasting and fasting and fressing, I feel like I'm going to explode, like Mr Creosote.)( WARNING: if you don't know who Mr Creosote is, don't hit the link. I would have a special set of table linen and crockery that I only used for this purpose, decorated with holly and ice skaters and snow and reindeers and all that Northern Hemisphere stuff. If I could arrange it, he would come with a sled and reindeer. I would hire a roly-poly Santa with a real beard to come and give presents to all the kids at the big family lunch. It looks like such fun! You don't have to spring-clean your house with a toothbrush, you don't have to build a little structure to eat your meals in, it doesn't go on for 8 days of fressing, just a couple of days. And then the menfolk will be enjoying a well-earned ale and horsing around, wrestling and falling about with laughter.wait, this fantasy has gone off track a little. And seeing that I wouldn't be Jewish, I would have a husband who could rig all this up himself, (and not have to call a non-Jew to come and do it) with the help of our fine strapping sons, all wearing plaid shirts and work jeans and boots, climbing on ladders with insouciance and laughing heartily while festooning the roof with miles of LED lights. I would put up a whole Nativity sound and light show in LED lights on my front lawn. I would have a big box of heirloom tchotchkes and baubles including a soppy angel to decorate the huge real pine tree. Put up stockings and leave a nip of whiskey for Santa and have a tree-decorating for all the family. (Is that Xmas or Easter? Or both? I would do it for both.) I would do everything. Or maybe a goose, instead of a turkey, because that's actually MORE traditional. I would wear reindeer antlers and dangly tinsel earrings while preparing the massive turkey and roast veggies and aller chazerai, prawns and a big ham, and a pudding (with suet if I could get it, but butter if not, and I would steam it for hours) and brandy sauce. If it was me, I would go to Carols by Candlelight. It is! I would do a superb Xmas family dinner, lunch, everything. There's the kitschy tchotchkes and table decor there's The Tree, which is- let's face this- a thing of beauty. There's just something in the air, along with all the carols wafting around. Hello! Have you heard of Shabbos? I do this every week! And not just twelve! And not just one meal, often Friday night AND Shabbos lunch! Wow! And I laugh when I hear the Non-Jews stressing over inviting family over for Xmas lunch or whatever ('How many are you having?' '12.' 'WHAT! TWELVE PEOPLE! How on Earth will you cope!!?). Not that I'm looking for more things to cook! (although I do a mean Christmas cake Rich Fruit Cake in November which sits in the fridge getting doused with alcohol for our. This time of year, when I venture into the shop or supermarket or malls, I see all the tinsel and hear the music, and I see all the puddings, panettone, stollen, big weighty fruitcakes and I have a tiny bit of Xmas Envy. And they have all taken it upon themselves after being incited by radical Muslim clerics and interpretations of Koranic verses, to attack infidels wherever and whenever they encounter them, Jews, Christians, in Israel and abroad. No cigars for guessing the answer- they are all Muslims. There was one in the Canadian parliament, and 2 who murdered Lee Rigby in the streets of Manchester, and the shrink who shot up Fort Hood and killed 14 US Army personnel - he was a lone wolf too, despite evidence in his email account where he was pledging jihad against the infidel- and there was the plot to randomly behead an infidel in Sydney which was thwarted, and the Arabs who ran down people waiting at light rail stops and bus stops in several incidents in Israel, and the 2 who murdered 4 rabbis at prayer in Har Nof in Jerusalem, leaving 14 fatherless children, and all of these lone wolves - so many that I don't know if the word 'lone' really applies- have one thing in common. Well, all I can say is that there seems to be a lot of these 'lone wolves' about.

#Playinf goose two lines medicineon mymind

0 notes

auckie · 3 years

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I’m so excited for Valentine’s Day it’s like my favourite holiday besides Halloween bc I love heart stuff and chocolate and cards and balloons and flowers and the day afyer is my birthday so you have to give me stuff even if I’m single. PLUS! I like cheesy early 2000s love songs that remind you of spring coming like nelly furtado or Alicia keys or Natasha bedingfield and that gives way to things that remind me of early 2000s teen girl rooms pointed bright green with purple plastic butterfly doorway beads and pink comforter and a boom box playing like sclub 7 or corrine Bailey Rae and painting nails badly at night with the overhead fan on making a rhythmic sound and casting shadows over you and it’s spring and the crickets and window open and you’re reading your friends sisters copy of seventeen even tho you literally don’t care what it says inside!!! AND THEN it’s summer and you’re a kid running around in a pine forest at a camp youre only at bc the owner let you in free bc they’re trying to look like. Diverse and uoure the only mexican jew kid in the whole tristate area and uh I’m getting off track but I REALLT love Valentine’s Day and I’m excited also my birthday is a National

Holiday and then it’s spring so it’s all uphill from here people

22 notes · View notes

shmisolo · 4 years

Photo

I wanted to post the things I’ve made this year in one place. I haven’t posted most of them over here—largely because I’m not tumblring a lot these days. But I made a lot this year—both visual and written—that I’m proud of and wanted to share it out. You can find this post also in tweet form here!

Happy 2020, Reylo friends! It’s been a wild ride of a year, and mine couldn’t have been what it has been without you.

Visual

Oneshots

Investiture for @misscoppelia

In which Ben goes to daven for his father’s yahrtzeit and manages to prove to himself once again that he is both a terrible person and a terrible Jew.

Oh and he sort of falls in love.

baby you can drive my car for @talltig

They call them “soulmates.” Probably because it leaves less of a sting in their mouths.

The Kitchen for flypaper_brain

Rey and Ben, hunting for their first house.

alone with a heart meant for you for @nuanceismyjam

Ben orders Grubhub; Rey's car breaks down.

myosotis for @rissanox

Ben picked the flowers for their wedding.

and beyond for @lilithsaur

“Please?”

For a moment, he thinks it will be like the first time, him begging, her crying and saying no and him not knowing how to protect his crushed heart.

But she doesn’t cry, she doesn’t say, “Please don’t go this way,” she doesn’t look horrified or disgusted. She just grabs him by the front of his shirt and tugs his lips down to hers before reaching down to cup his cock.

You, Me, and He for @rissanox, @persimonne, and @misscoppelia

When they say that Kylo's brain is in his groin, they're not far from the truth.

Alternatively,

In which Kylo Ren is his own penis.

Bliss, Balance and Birth for @selunchen

Ben teaches their daughter to read.

💦💦💦💦

In which Ben accidentally implies that he gets his cardio from having sex on national television.

Favorites for @lilithsaur

In which Matt is preoccupied in getting Daisy the perfect token of his love on this, the two month anniversary of her agreeing to be his girlfriend.

A Trash Triplets AU.

Gotta Get Up, Gotta Get Out | Moodboard

“Listen asshole,” Rey says as she steps through the door of Poe’s deli. “You have exactly as long as it takes me to buy these cigarettes.”

Ben doesn’t waste a second breathing. “Metaphysically speaking, you and I are intrinsically and inexplicably linked,” he starts because there’s no time for beating around the bush and besides, Rey can sniff out a lie like no one else. “And I'm convinced our true purpose is to to connect with each other, if not help save each other's lives.” She’s opening her wallet and handing Poe a ten. “In another world, hopefully you are doing the same for me.”

The Other Thing for @persimonne

That’s what they don’t warn you about, he thinks idly. In his DesEd class, they’d warned him about knots, and heats, and ruts, and nesting. But they’d never warned him that her home would smell so much like her, like everything he’s ever wanted, that he would be unable to extricate himself.

“Can you make it a little more interesting in like...thirty minutes?” he asks her.

She pulls away and he immediately regrets saying a damn word.

“I could make that work,” she replies dryly. “I’ll pencil you in.”

A for... for @loveofescapism

Rey’s seeing double by the time there’s food on her plate. Oh. There’s food on her plate. That’s good. That’s unexpected at this point. “Eat,” Ben tells her.

So she does. It tastes good. Very good. She likes this food a lot.

“I’ll make sure she knows,” Ben says.

Oh she’s at that point of drunk where she’s just saying things out loud instead of keeping them in her internal monologue.

“You are,” Ben says, looking very amused.

She hopes she doesn’t say anything embarrassing.

“I promise, you haven’t yet, but oh boy, I’m looking forward to this.”

She shoves food into her mouth to keep herself from thinking out loud about his dick in her ass at his mother’s Passover seder.

do or do not (do the do)

In which Ben, in an effort to improve his stamina (look he's making progress, ok?) after reading some articles that he'll never be able to unread, receives some coaching (that he very much did not ask for).

(Very much did not ask for.)

(Not) Interested for @thewayofthetrashcompactor, @monsterleadmehome, @destiniesfic, yuktipatipriya

We're bringing Speed Dating back to Space Battles Bonanza! Register online for one of our special Bonanza sessions of 15 three-minute dates so you’ll no longer have to look for love in a galaxy far far away. Choose from one of seven speed dating sessions, two of which are queer focused. If the Insurgents can blow up the Doom Moon in 11 minutes, let’s see if you can make a love connection in only three.

There’s a history of successful Speed Dating at Space Battles Bonanzas, with long-term couples, engagements and marriages now among the alumni.

In which Rey & Kylo meet at their fancon's speed dating.

Never Die for @avamarga

Did you ever hear the tragedy of Darth Plagueis the Wise? I thought not. It’s not a story the Jedi would tell you.

Forged for @reyloner

There are several reasons that Ben would never have dreamed he’d ever receive this text. The first is that he’d be invited to a Halloween party. The second is that he’d never in his life expected to be in a serious relationship, much less the sort of serious relationship where his partner would suggest matching Halloween costumes. And the last is that he is dating someone who’s show only and they’ve only almost murdered one another twice. Because he’s an A Song of Ice and Fire fan. He hates Game of Thrones.

and getting caught in the rain for @kylorenvevo

What's the point of going to a family wedding if you're not going to hook up with your newly rediscovered brother's baseball coach?

A Picture's Worth for @selunchen

reyjay: hiya your art is amazing

reyjay: it’s a big ask but could you draw me for my art final tomorrow? i’m shit at drawing people and i can’t fail this. can you help?

He stares.

And stares.

kyloren: is this some kind of a joke?

reyjay: no?? why??

kyloren: you’re asking me to help you cheat your exam, but you’re not even offering me money?

Bang for your Buck

“We ready?” he asks her, sounding huffy.

“Nice to meet you Ben, I’m just familiarizing myself with your training,” she replies.

“Ok, well I don’t have all day.”

“No, you have,” she checks her watch, “another hour.” Because of course he’d booked an extra long session. Bless that sweet, sweet overtime pay.

“And you’re sure you know what you’re doing?” he asks her and she glances up at him, sure that her eyes are flashing because that’s fucking rude. She’s a professional. Amilyn wouldn’t have hired her if she didn’t know what she’s doing, and just because he apparently thinks he’s the center of the universe doesn’t change that fact.

“Don’t worry, you’ll get your bang for your buck,” she tells him icily.

Two to Tango

Rey: I need to ask you something awkward. Ben: What’s up? Rey: Can I give you a blowjob? Please?

atlanta > all atlanta > community > missed connections for @sand-its-everywhere

In which Rey meets a cosplayer at DragonCon.

Sonsick (I'll fall for you soon enough) for @jeenonamit & YTCShepard

Sheev and Snoke share a moment at the country club.

A Thousand Words for @monsterleadmehome | Moodboard

In which, some years later, Ben encounters someone he drew for nudes.

Truth and Death written for this year’s @reylofanfictionanthology

Ben opens the box. Inside, he sees the charred remains of a helmet.

------------

She is made of sand-turned-clay, where other moving creatures are made of flesh and blood. Their skin cracks in the dry Jakku sun just like hers, but they are alive in their organs.

Rey is alive in a different way.

It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year written with @jeenonamit | Moodboard

Rey convinces Ben--and his sentient penis--to go with her to a Halloween party.

What could go wrong?

(Working title: "Dicklo 2: Electric BOO-galoo")

Shalom Rav! for @jeenonamit | Moodboard

In which Rey comes to terms realizing that she is attracted to the rabbi.

when the stars and moon align just so for @capaldisrighteyebrow

Songs spoke of red stars on nights that blood was shed. Stars bled too when the great fell. There were no red stars tonight. The stars did not bleed for Snoke.

Would they bleed for Ben?

She swallowed.

Because despite his own words—that he served his master (master, as though he were a draft horse to be yoked and plow the fields of men), that he would give everything to his master, she had seen doubt in his eyes that night, three years ago, when the stars and moon had aligned just so.

oh, my love, don't forsake me (take what the water gave me) for @reyloner and @loveofescapism

Their sabers clashed, humming in the spray, and Rey's heart was in her throat the entire time.

it’s you and me (i know it’s our destiny) | Moodboard

It’s just a kid’s game, he thinks when jealousy pangs in his heart. But it’s more than just a kid’s game.

It’s Pokémon.

It’s the only good thing in his life.

will you come when i call you (i’ll come when you call me) | Moodboard

Surely when Snoke had connected them, he hadn’t connected them like this.

—

@reylo_prompts: “Due to the Force bond Rey and Ben always come simultaneously. Now they need to figure out how not to do that since it can result in awkward situations.”

The Sweater Curse for @jeenonamit & @commandercrouton

She’s never made a sweater before, but she saw the pattern on Ravelry and who cares if she’s only made (lumpy) hats before—she has to try it. She has to make it. She has to make it for Ben.

“You realize that Hannukah isn’t an important holiday, right?” Ben asks as she makes eye contact with him. His eyes are big and brown and—at this moment—mildly annoyed.

“Really? Is it a giant conspiracy theory? Part of the war on Christmas?”

“More than you realize,” Ben says and for the life of her she can’t tell if he’s joking. He does this thing sometimes that’s confusing—where he’ll say something that sounds mopey but is actually snarky and it disarms her every damn time. “In any event, ugly Hanukkah sweaters definitely aren’t a thing the way ugly Christmas sweaters are.”

“Well, they are now,” Rey says firmly. “I’m making you an ugly Hanukkah sweater. Deal with it. And stop moving.”

Ours Is The Fury for @reyloner & @commandercrouton

Rey was tasked with taking Storm's End for her king. She defeated the Storm King Snoke in the Rainwood, but when she proceeded to the castle itself, preparing for a long siege, things did not go to plan.

Seen ✔️✔️ for @ever-so-reylo | Graphic

His lock screen has three texts from Rey on it:

Rey Wife: Babe I know you’re probably busy right now, but you sent that pic to the wrong chat. Rey Wife: Bennnnnnn Rey Wife: Call me when you’re done processing your trauma.

And then about ninety chats from the Skywalker Ranch WhatsApp thread.

In which Ben sends a picture to the wrong chat.

With you, Always for @jeenonamit, @nuanceismyjam, and YTCShepard

Rey's boyfriend is now a Force ghost but they're sure as fuck gonna try fucking anyway.

Chaptered Fics

we decided not to kill the wolves (we wanted to be wolves) for @nerdherderette | Complete | Moodboard

A pack of wolves lives in the woods to the north of Raddus and as winter looms, they have their eyes set on Leia Organa’s stronghold. Rey may be new to Raddus, but she’s not about to do nothing while it may be in danger. And besides, Poe must be exaggerating about wolves the size of bears. She’s not afraid of monsters.

Carry In My Core (That Voice I Adore) | Complete | Moodboards

Starring in her first opera would be stressful as is, but Rey, always one to outdo herself, just had to go and make things even more complicated with Kylo Ren. It’s hard enough looking him in the eye, much less pretending to be in love with him. She can make it through this. She has made it through worse. She can make it through this.

shadow boxes | Complete

Just because they aren’t together, doesn’t mean they’re not in love.

anyway you want to (anyway you've got to) | Complete

But you know she's getting something other Than the love from her mother

A Porn Challenge in which your author makes Rey and Ben bone their way through the month of February.

words like tomorrow (or future, or fate) for @haloren1st & @staticcatfish | Complete

One day, Rey wakes in a body that's not her own in a town she's never been to before. Who is Ben, whose body she seems to be possessing, and who woke up in her body? Why are they connected this way?

---

A Your name. AU.

Above us, stars. Beneath us, constellations. for @valsansretour | Complete | Moodboard

Ben woke, but Luke’s saber wasn’t ignited. Instead, he saw a master who had shattered his trust, who thought he was a monster, and—worse—he was probably right.

So he fled Yavin IV, to Skywalker’s dismay, and no one heard from him since.

Years later, on a wasteland planet, a girl and a fugitive stormtrooper board a Corellian YT-1300 light freighter in desperation to find they are not the only ones trying to steal it.

Why Don’t You And I Combine for @ever-so-reylo | Complete | Moodboard

Rey’s phone rings while she’s at the farmer’s market. She lets it ring. They have a line and it’s only a few hours, and the girls are at school and it’s just her today, so she doesn’t have enough hands. Rose and Finn and Poe are helping Ben move furniture out of his apartment and into the house. They’re probably calling about something silly, or Ben’s calling to say he’s fully moved in and he’s lying in their bed—possibly with his hand on his cock—and that he’s thinking of her.

—

In which life continues, grows, and Rey and Ben continue to rebuild their relationship.

A sequel to Let’s Get Together.

The Love Committee for @jeenonamit | Complete | Moodboard

In which Rey, tired of her bad luck with dating apps and failed relationships, enlists her friends' help in determining who she should date next.

They take it a little too seriously.

A Year of Me and You for autonomee | Complete

“After you move in with one another, give yourself six months to like one another again,” Maz says, looking at Rey seriously through her bottlecap glasses.

“I’m not going to fall out of love with—”

“No, no. Not love. Love’s not got anything to do with it, child. Like.”

Non-linear vignettes of various length, set during the first year Rey and Ben live together.

Hanging by a Moment for pillar-of-salt | Complete | Mix

There are many things that Ben could have tolerated about his parents’ divorce. That his mother had finally had it with his father’s borderline illegal—or rather, as he liked to put it, borderline legal—company, the shady activities it covered that would doubtlessly end her political career if a reporter got hold of them; that his father had finally had it with the way his mother nags, because sure, he’d thought it was hot twenty years ago, but he is in fact an adult who can actually keep his shit together—all that he would have gotten. He’d have been wrecked, but he’d have gotten it.

His dad leaving his mom for a nineteen-year-old gold-digger though, and his mother not even putting up a fight—that had caught him by surprise.

That had hurt.

Be nice to her, Ben, his mother had said on the phone when he’d spoken to her for the first time in five years. She just lost your father.

Yeah. So did I.

Cupcake Wars | Complete | Fingerpainting + Playlist

Entirely by accident, Rey ends up fucking someone who works for Snoke's Cupcakery. She's just blowing off steam. It doesn't mean anything at all. It certainly won't come back to bite her in the ass.

in nobody's eyes but mine for @ever-so-reylo | Complete | Moodboard

Rey had spent too much of her life feeling as though permanence could only be transient so why bother with it. What was long-term? What was mating? What was home?

the water won’t have ya if the devil’s too blind for @thekesselrun | Complete | Moodboard

That water’s too dirty to wash away your sins.

“They’re not sins. I didn’t commit them against god. There is no such thing as god.”

Then whatever you want to call them. Crimes don’t get washed away by a river.

“It’s a cursed river,” Ben points out.

No, it’s a polluted river. Curses aren’t real. Not like that, anyway.

“Are you really well-actually-ing me?”

Yes, I am. Because you’re an idiot. Some extremely oily and not remotely potable water is not going to be able to remove the guilt you feel about killing your father, turning your back on your mother, murdering hundreds of innocents, and helping the First Order destroy the world. Especially when you knew I wasn’t going to let you die.

–

In which Ben Solo washes up on shore, very still alive and unsure of what to do next until a passing scavenger offers him a lift on her boat. Who is he now? Who does he want to be?

Apples & Honey for @peaceblessingspeyton | Complete | Moodboard

When Ben catches wind that his mother is planning to foist a potential girlfriend on him when he comes home for Rosh Hashanah, he takes matters into his own hands: specifically, he runs to Rey and asks her to pretend to be his girlfriend.

There Is Another for @kylorenvevo | Complete | Moodboards: Ch 1 | Ch 3 | Ch 7 | Ch 9 | Ch 11 | Ch14

“Mission success?”

“You will be interested in this.”

“Oh?”

Kylo glances back over his shoulder. The girl he had found on Takodana is still deeply unconscious, and will remain so for a long while. He had knocked her out as deeply as he could. She had fired at him the moment she’d seen him, resisted him tooth and nail. He does not want her waking up until he has her properly restrained, and he had not come to Takodana prepared to take any prisoners.

A shiver runs up his spine as he tries to shove away how it had felt, carrying her through that forest.

“Yes.”

“How so?”

The trouble with helmets is he can’t look Kira dead in the eye anymore. He can’t watch her face closely to see what will happen when he tells her,

“She’s you.”

Dear Mr. President | WIP | Moodboards: Ch13

Dr. Dameron shifts and slides a manilla folder across the desk to her. “Under ordinary circumstances, I’d let you keep the folder. I hope you’ll understand why I can’t do that this time around.”

She opens it and stares.

She stares and stares and stares.

Dr. Dameron has to be kidding. There have to be hidden cameras here, this has to be some elaborate prank. That’s why it’s him here and not Dr. Wexley—that was his name. Dr. Wexley.

But instead of getting to her feet and tossing her hair and saying he was cruel for playing with her heart like this, all she does is ask, blankly, “So...Ben Solo is my soulmate? Our new president is my…”

She swallows.

And Dr. Dameron nods.

so long lives this and this gives life to thee | WIP | Moodboard

His smile fades and he falls to the ground, his head hitting the ground with a sharp crack.

“Ben!” The yell echoes around them in the darkness and Rey lurches forward, her hands scrabbling over his face, his neck, trying to find a pulse.

She bursts into tears when she finds it. She doesn’t know why she’s crying. He’s alive.

———

In which Ben's Force Sensitivity—and not his life—was given to save Rey.

a little death (goes a long way) for @talltig | WIP | Moodboard

“That’s good of you,” he replies. “Especially with the O-Negative.”

“It’s a good deal,” she says and he glances up. Yeah, because Omega blood is harder to find. A taste of life, because they almost never survive the turn.

#reylo #reylo fanfic #reylo fic #rffa writers #year in review

120 notes · View notes

mrbarmecide · 4 years

Text

Genius

I am the graduator

The gladiator

The one who said Fuck a textbook

You need to pick up the one for a cook

And Take a look

I got the raw deal of a meal

The pork and the veal

Cookin out the hot pot in the kitchen

Fuck Free range

Put em in a Nicholas Cage

I'm Spitting bars like its prison

In this new day and age

it's all rage against the vending machine

A machine a computer

The Mind remover

It's a stain

What a pain

Drivin in the Lexus Luther

But Fuck superman

We need the next Dr Martin Luther

King jr

An Albert Einstein

A genius

And someone with who can pull a Steve Jobs maneuver

To do it to em

It's all about progress

Part and Bipartisan

Money drugs and sex

A Natural medicine

But there I go

I digress again

It's been two weeks

I'm Far into the weekend and then

The whole world's depressed again

I'm just looking for a warm body

To compress the breast again

Nevertheless what's lonelier than lesser than

what's the best outcome

For the next chapters debut double LP albumn

is it an amalgam of algorithms set to the rhythm blues

A series of code

Wipe your nose and tie your shoes

slaltt

Nazis and Jews

1942-3002

The events that conclude

Stuck together with glue

It's not about what you can do for me but I for you

That's what he said before his head got all misconstrued

JFK left dead

The suspect ran

fled

While his wife was on some Humpty Dumpty shit trying to put back all the pieces

Jesus piece

Freaks and geeks

Start lifting at the gym for a couple of days

Now you think you're the Chad of the week

Bitch please

Put on a shirt

Brush your hair

Comb your teeth

Sheesh

Practice what you preach

You're like a dog on a leash

Without a master to lead

Wild animal

fiend

You're just the new cancer

Bitch I'm a rare condition

Math niggas blind

Some how still how fuckin wit division

Eels and escalators

Smell the weed in the elevator

IOUs best kept like Halloween candy

Now and later

Savor the flavor of Prue bliss

Bask in it

Pretend it's fine wine

But It's actually piss

It ain't half bad

But it actually is

If you're so accurate

miss

You act like a bitch

Soap on the dish

Plate on the fish

Crinkle crinkle

crinkle knish

Potato knishes and little black squash balls

I fall you fall we fall together

When I die take my writings and put em in a tome

Bound with my human leather

If I can't afford it we'll go with a cheaper more affordable option

Pleather

Never the better

Oh how's the weather

In Wuhan

At the drop of a pawn

Was the fall of Saigon

The gong show

Throatfucked by some bong smoke

What a joke

Dosey doe

Revenge is serve cold

But at the end of the day

I'll just pop it in the microwave

And nuke it

And if it don't taste good I'm gonna speak to Ralph on the porcelain throne

And puke puke puke it

Duke nukem

Dookie booty

Hong Kong phooey

Judi dench

That guy over there on the bench is a good man

Whatah mench

Louis

Gucci

And then three box logos

Fetch me a pint of ale

Wench

#my poem #poetic #poetry #poets on tumblr #dead poets society #poem #poets corner #stream of consciousness #dumb shit #what

0 notes

wallpaperpainter · 4 years

Text

The Hidden Agenda Of Salvador Dali Children | Salvador Dali Children

Fans of the surrealist adept Salvador Dalí will accept the befalling to insolate in his adroitness aback the Dalí Architecture opens aback up to their associates June 24-28 and to the accessible on July 1.

Healthcare workers will accept chargeless acceptance July 1-5 as a acknowledge you for accouterment capital affliction during the coronavirus pandemic.

The architecture appear its reopening in a account absolution that categorical new measures that will be taken and declared that, “following the aberrant cease and challenges that the communicable brought for the Architecture and the community, the Dalí’s ambition in reopening is to accommodate solace, affect absorption and actualize connections.”

Two new exhibits that will be on affectation aback the architecture opens may advice do aloof that.

“Dalí’s Sacred Science: Adoration and Mysticism,” will highlight five, rarely apparent alloyed media pieces from the abiding collection. The allotment are allotment of his after anatomy of assignment and brace images and texts that reflect Dalí’s airy pursuit. It includes Dalí’s Mystical Manifesto and 54 prints that analyze mythology, the Classical Greek and Roman Pantheon, the founding of Israel, Freud’s argument on adoration and 10 images on block fabricated with ink and jewels, presented in a box busy with symbols of algebraic perfection. It charcoal on appearance through Nov. 1.

“At Home with Dalí” appearance portraits of the artisan in his ambiance in Spain during the 1950s and ’60s, taken by photographers Horst. P. Horst, Ricardo Sans, Melitó Casals, Lies Wiegman and Robert Descharnes.

“We accept the arts are a apparatus for transformation,” controlling administrator Hank Hine said in the release. ”

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tipsycad147 · 4 years

Text

Gemini May World Dracula Day

By shirleytwofeathers

May 26 is World Dracula Day which commemorates Bram Stoker’s Gothic horror novel Dracula, which was first published on May 26 in 1897, by Archibald Constable and Company in Britain. It sold for six shillings and came bound in yellow cloth with red lettering. It was first printed in the United States two years later, by Doubleday & McClure of New York City. Although not the first novel about vampires, it became a model for the genre, and laid the foundation for future vampire stories, with its introduction of the character Count Dracula.

The quintessential vampire, Count Dracula has inspired tens of films and stories the world over, not to mention the virtual immortality of the character during as a beloved Halloween character. For all of these reasons, it’s undeniable that this icon of horror more than deserves his own little holiday so the world can show its appreciation for his contributions to the worlds of cinema and literature over the centuries. So put on your fangs, and let’s sink out teeth right into this, shall we?

About The Book

The book follows (spoiler alert!) an English lawyer named Jonathan Harker as he travels to Transylvania to meet Count Dracula at his castle, Castle Dracula. To Harker, Dracula appears pale and off-kilter. The strangeness of Dracula is more apparent after he lunges at Harker’s throat after Harker cuts himself while shaving. Harker eventually finds out that Dracula is a vampire who needs to drink human blood to survive. Afterward, Dracula locks Harker in the castle and flees to England with 50 boxes of dirt (it is believed he needs dirt from his home country to stay healthy). As Dracula heads to England to search for new blood, Harker eventually escapes from the castle.

Meanwhile, Mina, Harker’s fiancée, is visiting her friend Lucy in England. One night, Mina finds Lucy sleepwalking by a graveyard. Mina believes she sees a creature hovering over Lucy for a moment, and then notices two red marks on Lucy’s neck. Lucy becomes sick over the next few days and is then cared for by a Dr. Seward and by Dr. Abraham Van Helsing, before eventually dying. Afterward, strange reports begin surfacing that a creature has been attacking children in the area.

Jonathan Harker and Mina are reunited and married. Harker tells Dr. Helsing about his experience with Dracula, and Helsing then believes Lucy contracted vampirism from him and is the one attacking children. They dig up her corpse, cut off her head, put a stake through her heart, and stuff her mouth with garlic. They then turn their focus to Dracula and try to destroy his boxes of dirt. He escapes back to Transylvania, where they find him buried in the last box of dirt. They cut off his head and stab him through the heart, causing him to collapse into dust.

The Origins Of Dracula

Stoker spent years researching vampires before writing Dracula. During that time, he was particularly influenced by “Transylvanian Superstitions,” an essay by Emily Gerard that was published in 1885. Stoker worked at the Lyceum Theatre in London from 1878 to 1898. The theater was headed by Henry Irving, who Stoker based Dracula’s mannerisms on. It was even Stoker’s hope that Irving would play Dracula in a stage adaptation, but it did not happen.

According to one theory, Prince Vlad III of Wallachia (Romania) was the real-life inspiration behind Stoker’s gothic horror novel. An extremely cruel and merciless ruler, Vlad earned the nickname “Vlad the Impaler” for the many ways he tortured his opponents as well as people who betrayed him when they were captured. As can be guessed from his nickname, impaling was his favourite method of execution, and it is thought that he killed up to 100,000 people during his reign, and was infamous for the “forests” of impaled victims he left behind when he won a battle. One unsubstantiated account says that he dipped bread in his victims’ blood and ate it in front of them as they died on stakes.

Born in Transylvania in the fifteenth century, he was also called Drăculea, which means “Son of Dracul.” Indeed, his father was known as Dracul, a name that derived from the knightly order he belonged to—the Order of the Dragon (the Latin word draco means dragon). In modern Romanian, drac means “devil.”

It is believed that Stoker picked the name Dracula after learning this more modern translation. Some believe that the only connection between Vlad III and Dracula are their names. The connection of his character with vampirism was made by Bram Stoker around the 1890’s, and has become a permanent element of pop culture since then.

What does it mean?

Dracula has been interpreted in numerous ways. Some have interpreted the story as an allegory of the fear that western Europeans had of eastern Europeans coming into their area. Hence, the story of someone coming from Transylvania—in Romania—to London and wreaking havoc on its residents. This theme appeared in other novels of the time.

Some have seen the book as a reaction to the conservative and patriarchal norms of the Victorian period, and as an exploration of suppressed sexual desire. Some also have seen the book as being about the relationship between the past and future, with Dracula symbolising a primitive past that challenges modernity.

The Historical Vampire

The concept of vampirism dates back thousands of years. The ancient Greeks, Hebrews, Egyptians and Babylonians all had legends telling hair-raising tales of demon-like undead creatures that lived off of the blood of the living.

Tales of the undead consuming the blood or flesh of living beings have been found in nearly every culture around the world for many centuries. Today we know these entities predominantly as vampires, but in ancient times, the term vampire did not exist; blood drinking and similar activities were attributed to demons or spirits who would eat flesh and drink blood; even the devil was considered synonymous with the vampire.

Almost every nation has associated blood drinking with some kind of revenant or demon, from the ghouls of Arabia to the goddess Sekhmet of Egypt. Indeed, some of these legends could have given rise to the European folklore, though they are not strictly considered vampires by historians when using today’s definitions.

Hebrews, ancient Greeks, and Romans had tales of demonic entities and blood-drinking spirits which are considered precursors to modern vampires. Despite the occurrence of vampire-like creatures in these ancient civilisations, the folklore for the entity we know today as the vampire originates almost exclusively from early 18th-century Southeastern Europe, particularly Transylvania as verbal traditions of many ethnic groups of the region were recorded and published. In most cases, vampires are revenants of evil beings, suicide victims, or witches, but can also be created by a malevolent spirit possessing a corpse or by being bitten by a vampire itself. Belief in such legends became so rife that in some areas it caused mass hysteria and even public executions of people believed to be vampires.

In India, tales of vetalas, ghoul-like beings that inhabit corpses, are found in old Sanskrit folklore. Although most vetala legends have been compiled in the Baital Pachisi, a prominent story in the Kathasaritsagara tells of King Vikramāditya and his nightly quests to capture an elusive one. The vetala is described as an undead creature who, like the bat associated with modern-day vampirism, hangs upside down on trees found on cremation grounds and cemeteries. Pishacha, the returned spirits of evil-doers or those who died insane, also bear vampiric attributes.

The Hebrew word “Alukah” (literal translation is “leech”) is synonymous with vampirism or vampires, as is “Motetz Dam” (literally, “blood sucker”). Later vampire traditions appear among diaspora Jews in Central Europe, in particular the medieval interpretation of Lilith. In common with vampires, this version of Lilith was held to be able to transform herself into an animal, usually a cat, and charm her victims into believing that she is benevolent or irresistible. However, she and her daughters usually strangle rather than drain victims, and in the Kabbalah, she retains many attributes found in vampires.

A late 17th- or early 18th-century Kabbalah document was found in one of the Ritman library’s copies of Jean de Pauly’s translation of the Zohar. The text contains two amulets, one for male (lazakhar), the other for female (lanekevah). The invocations on the amulets mention Adam, Eve, and Lilith, Chavah Rishonah and the angels—Sanoy, Sansinoy, Smangeluf, Shmari’el, and Hasdi’el. A few lines in Yiddish are shown as dialog between the prophet Elijah and Lilith, in which she has come with a host of demons to kill the mother, take her newborn and “to drink her blood, suck her bones and eat her flesh”. She informs Elijah that she will lose power if someone uses her secret names, which she reveals at the end.

Other Jewish stories depict vampires in a more traditional way. In “The Kiss of Death”, the daughter of the demon king Ashmodai snatches the breath of a man who has betrayed her, strongly reminiscent of a fatal kiss of a vampire. A rare story found in Sefer Hasidim #1465 tells of an old vampire named Astryiah who uses her hair to drain the blood from her victims. A similar tale from the same book describes staking a witch through the heart to ensure she does not come back from the dead to haunt her enemies.

More about Vampires can be found at The Powers That Be.

How to celebrate Dracula Day

Celebrating all things Dracula why not throw a party and get your friends round for the ultimate film binge. Ideas for creating the perfect atmosphere include giving your party a Gothic feel by making sure all of your decorations are either black or blood red, the table setting is rather sophisticated, everyone is dressed elegantly and wears fangs, hanging up plenty of bat and spider web decorations, and serving plenty of blood red drinks.

It would also be perfect to watch one or more of the classic vampire movies to have been made, such as the 1958 British classic titled simply “Dracula”, and starring the incredibly impressive Christopher Lee as the aristocratic titular character. Other movie choices include “Nosferatu”, a 1922 German expressionist horror film, and “Interview with the Vampire” starring Tom Cruise, Brad Pitt, and a young Kirsten Dunst.

If it’s something more lighthearted you’re looking for, Roman Polański’s “The Fearless Vampire Killers, or Pardon Me, But Your Teeth Are in My Neck” will keep everyone entertained. Lesser known, but equally fun movies include Suck (one of my personal favourites), and Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter.

If you don’t plan on hosting a party, that does not mean you have to miss out on Dracula day—take the time to delve into the world created by Bran Stoker in his acclaimed novel. Reading a good book has never hurt anyone, and in the era social media’s 140-character blurbs of text, it is ever more important to keep the art of literature alive.

If you’ve already read it, consider tackling Anne Rice’s “Vampire Chronicles”, a series of 11 critically acclaimed books that follow influential vampires all throughout history. Stephen King’s “Salem’s Lot”. As you can see, there is no shortage of ways to celebrate the vampires of the world this Dracula Day!

Vampire Magick:

If you get really excited about all this talk of vampires, blood, and the undead, you might even be interested in exploring spells to “become a vampire.” Alternatively, you might want to play around with some protection against vampires spells, vampire prevention spells, or even a peaceful coexistence spell. They can all be found in the Book of Shadows, and Gypsy Magick and Lore.

Sources:

Days Of The Year

Checkiday

Wikipedia

https://shirleytwofeathers.com/The_Blog/pagancalendar/category/may-holidays/

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weekendwarriorblog · 5 years

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WHAT TO WATCH THIS WEEKEND October 18, 2019 - MALEFICENT, MISTRESS OF EVIL, ZOMBIELAND: DOUBLE TAP, THE LIGHTHOUSE, JOJO RABBIT

We’ll see how far I get on this week’s column because I haven’t seen nearly as much as I want to, I don’t have nearly as much time as I’d like to, and I have a lot of stuff to write for my other gig at The Beat. I know… excuses, excuses.

Well, you can probably already guess that I haven’t seen Disney’s MALEFICENT, MISTRESS OF EVIL, starring Angelina Jolie, because I never saw the original movie, and I have only been invited to one Disney movie in three years. (I got into a few thanks to being in the Critics Choice Association and there being awards screenings, but I have zero interest in this, even less in Frozen 2, and I’ll probably just use my AMC A-List to see Star Wars.)

I did see Sony’s ZOMBIELAND DOUBLE TAP, and that I really liked a lot. You can read my full review of this over at The Beat. I also interviewed director Ruben Fleischer and have an interview with writers Rhett Reese and Paul Wernick waiting in the wings. I’m pretty amazed that the three of them were able to get the whole gang back together, including Woody Harrelson, Emma Stone, Jesse Eisenberg and Abigail Breslin

Let’s just get to what I hope you’re reading this column for...

LIMITED RELEASES

I’ll admit freely that I just didn’t have as much time to watch stuff the past week as I’d like to, so some of the movies below I just haven’t gotten around to watching but hopefully they’re as good as others have said.

There are a few “special event” screenings this week, including Kevin Smith’s JAY AND SILENT BOB REBOOT (Saban Films), which screened nationwide via Fathom Events last night and will get another screening on Thursday night. It’s actually not bad, at least compared to his last movie Yoga Hosers. This one is a direct sequel to Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back, which I wasn’t a very big fan of despite liking a few of Smith’s other films like Chasing Amy and Dogma. Reboot harks back to some of Smith’s earlier work with nods to many of his previous films and cameos from almost every actor who has ever worked with him? I also interviewed Jason Mewes for The Beat, and I’ll have an interview with Harley Quinn Smith soon, too.

Also, on Saturday, Bruce Springsteen’s doc WESTERN STARS will get a nationwide screening via Fathom Events. I haven’t seen this one, and I’m not really that big a fan of the Boss, but hey, it’s happening if you’re interested.

The on Tuesday, October 22, you can see Neil Young’s latest movie Mountaintop in a one-night only event via Abramorama, the movie showing Young and his band Crazy Horse getting ready to record their first album in seven years. I haven’t watched it yet, but it’s interesting that Young is letting fans into the process, and I only recently saw Jim Jarmusch’s doc Year of the Dog, so I’m kind of in a Neil Young headspace. This one is directed by Young under his film direction pseudonym “Bernard Sharkey.”

Another movie worth seeking out this weekend is THE LIGHTHOUSE (A24), Robert Eggers’ follow-up to The Witch, this one starring Robert Pattinson and Willem Dafoe as two men who are sent to care for a lighthouse during a particularly turbulent storm season. Dafoe is a crusty and cranky seadog who really puts Pattinson through his paces, but as the two men are holed up together (and eventually trapped on the location), they each begin their own slow descent into madness. I’ll have an interview with Eggers up at The Beat later today where we talk about the intriguing way he made this film, and it rose out of his frustration with trying to get The Witch financed.

My Interview with Robert Eggers

The movie I was most excited to see this weekend was Taika Waititi’s JOJO RABBIT (Fox Searchlight), since I’ve been a fan of his work going all the way back to when Eagle vs. Shark debuted the Sundance Film Festival. I was really hoping I’d like this enough to feature it at the top of this column, but since it’s not there, you can read my review at the link below to find out why not. Based on Christine Leunens’s novel, it stars newcomer Roman Griffin Davis as Jojo, a 10-year-old German boy in the Hitler Youth who just can’t get his shit together, although he does have an imaginary friend in Adolf Hitler (played by Waititi) who urges the boy on. Injured in an accident, Jojo is homebound when he learns that his mother (Scarlet Johansson) has been hiding a young Jewish girl named Elsa (Thomas McKenzie from Leave No Trace) in the house attic, so he has to figure out whether to report them, or use her to learn more about Jews. You can read my review below to see that I can’t really recommend the movie wholeheartedly, but it will open in New York and L.A. this weekend and you can decide for yourself.

MY REVIEW OF JOJO RABBIT

French auteur Francois Ozon returns with BY THE GRACE OF GOD (Music Box Films), a very serious drama about three grown men (Melvil Poupaud, Denis Ménochet, Swann Arlaud) who team together to expose a priest who molested them as boys but is being protected by the Catholic Church. The story is based on the real French scandal surrounding Cardinal Philippe Barbarin who was convicted earlier this year for concealing the conduct of a preacher, Father Preynat. Ozon is coming off his excellent film Franz and the equally intriguing Double Lover, so he’s definitely upped his game from the sometimes-frivolous earlier fare for which he became known. This is a really tough movie to get through and maybe that made it harder for me to enjoy, but it’s another fine piece of filmmaking by Ozon. It opens at New York’s Film Forum and the Landmark on 57 and probably in a theater in L.A. as well.

Opening at New York’s Angelika Film Center and the Landmark on 57 is Alexis Michalik’s Cyrano My Love (Roadside Attractions) set in Paris 1897 and dealing with the relationship between playwright Edmond Rostand and actor Constant Coquelin, for what becomes the play Cyrano de Bergerac. And I have absolutely zero interest in seeing this.

Another movie that I saw and absolutely loathed was Jocelyn DeBoer and Dawn Luebbe’s GREENER GRASS (IFC Midnight), a movie that I couldn’t begin to describe except that it takes place in a suburban neighborhood where a yoga teacher has been murdered by a seria killer and all sorts of other strange things are going on. The filmmakers play best friends and soccer moms Jill and Lisa, the latter who borrows the former’s baby, but honestly, the tone of this movie reminded me about the stuff on Adult Swim that I hate such as the Tim and Eric shows and such, where it just seems to be weird for weirdness-sake, and there’s absolutely nothing that kept me even remotely interested. It opens at the IFC Center this weekend.

I still haven’t found the time to watch all of THE CAVE (National Geographic Documentary Films), Feras Fayyad’s follow-up to his Oscar-nominated film Last Man in Aleppo, but I hope to get to it fairly soon, since I was such a fan of that movie. I just need to be right in the headspace to watch this one, if it’s anything like that one.

Apple TV+’s first movie on the streaming channel will be Mark Deeble and Victoria Stone’s THE ELEPHANT QUEEN (A24), a documentary that follows the elephant matriarch Athena, who is forced to protect her family after they leave their watering hole. Although I understand the purpose of this movie to show how climate change is affecting these majestic animals, this one feels very much like something I’ve seen before from DisneyNature and others, so it didn’t really shed any new light on elephants, and it felt very much dummed down for kids. Voiced by Chiwetel Ejiofor, it will get a limited theatrical release this weekend before debuting on the channel November 1.

There are a couple other docs out this weekend, including Barbara Miller’s #FEMALEPLEASURE (Abramorama), which follows five women fighting against their patriarchal societies; Serendipity: The Story of French Artist Prune Nourry (Cohen Media Group) directed by French artist Prune Nourry; opening at New York’s Film Forum on Wednesday is Erin Derham’s doc Stuffed (Music Box Films) about taxidermists, and then there’s Julie Simone and Vicki Vlasic’s doc Fiddlin’ (playing at the Cinema Village) covers the Fiddler’s Convention.

If you’re not quite ready for Halloween, there’s the horror filmTrick (RLJEFilms) from Patrick Lussier (My Bloody Valentine, Drive Angry) about a Halloween party in 2015 where Patrick “Trick” Wever killed a bunch of his classmate and then escaped after being shot five times by a detective (Omar Epps) so everyone thinks he’s dead. But guess what? He’s not!! It also stars Jamie Kennedy and Tom Atkins.

There are a couple other movies, but the main ones you should know about are above.

LOCAL FESTIVALS

The big one this week, at least in New York, is the Brooklyn Horror Film Festival, which starts Thursday night with Jeffrey Brown’s The Beach House and continues through the weekend with Daniel Isn’t Real, Swallow, and the World Premiere Fessenden’s Depraved: Making Frankenstein a Brooklyn Loft, a making-of doc about Larry Fessenden’s latest.

Starting Friday at New York’s Cinema Village is the Wildlife Conservation Film Festival, which I really don’t know very much about, although they seem to have an interesting selection of nature docs, both features and shorts, none of which I’ve seen.

In L.A., you can catch the Animation is Film Festival starting Friday with animated movies from across the group including I’m anticipating like Makoto Shinkai’s Weathering with You, and White Snake from China, which will be in competition with films like France’s I Lost My Body. There are special events for Disney’s Frozen 2, Netflix’s Klaus, a special screening of the Chinese hit Ne Zhan and Steven Universe the Movie before it hits Apple TV+ on November 1.

Also happenin’ in New York is the Nordic International Film Festival, which is taking place at the Roxy Hotel, in case you wonder why it’s missing from the repertory section below. That’s why.

STREAMING AND CABLE

Steven Soderbergh’s THE LAUNDROMAT will arrive on Netflix this weekend, and you can read what I thought of that in my previous column here.

Streaming on Netflix Friday is Ed Perkins’ documentary TELL ME WHO I AM about the relationship between two twin brothers, Marcus and Alex Lewis. When Alex wakes up after a motorcycle accident, he relies on Marcus to fill him on who everyone else is over the next 35 years, but Marcus may be keeping a dark family secret from his brother to protect him. (It also will open theatrically at the Quad Cinema on Friday.)

Sinister 2 director Ciaran Foy’s new film Eli will start streaming on Friday, about a boy who receiving treatment for an auto-immune disorder who finds out that his house isn’t as safe as thought. It stars Kelly Reilly, Lili Taylor, Max Martini and Charlie Shotwell in the title role.

There’s also the Spanish film Diecisiete (Seventeen) from Daniel Sánchez Arévalo about a 17-year-old named Héctor who forms a bond with a dog as part of a reintegration program at his juvenile detention center. When the dog is adopted, Héctor goes on a journey to rescue him.

One of the exciting debuts on cable this weekend is HBO’s WATCHMEN series, created by Damon Lindelof, and what I’ve heard about the show is that it’s pretty good, taking place in the modern day of the world created by Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons in the comics (which took place in the ‘80s.).

Also, while I haven’t seen it yet, Iranian filmmaker Babak (Under the Shadow) Anvari’s horror thriller WOUNDS will debut on Hulu this weekend, and since I have Hulu, I’ll be able to watch it! It stars Zazie Beetz, Dakota Johnson and Armie Hammer, the latter playing a bartender who has all sorts of weird things happen to him when he picks up a phone at a bar.

REPERTORY

There are a few really awesome repertory series starting this weekend as well as the return of one of New York’s primary midtown rep houses, which has been closed for renovations for most of the summer.

METROGRAPH (NYC):

Before I get to the Metrograph’s great new series starting this weekend, I want to draw special attention to Metrograph Pictures’ new 35mm print rerelease of Edo Bertoglio’s 1981 film Downtown ’81. This is a really amazing movie that stars late NYC artist Jean Michel Basquiat, and while it does show him doing his graffiti art, the movie isn’t so much worth seeing for its amazing writing or acting but for it being an amazing time capsule of New York in 1981 with performances by Kid Creole and the Coconuts, DNA, The Plastics and other No Wave bands in the year when punk was transforming into New Wave but New York bands were still experimental and arty, doing whatever it took to avoid getting into the mainstream. Metrograph releasing this reissued restored film makes sense as they were one of the first to herald Glenn O’Brien’s cable show TV Party, so if you get a chance, get down to the Metrograph where the movie will be shown exclusively probably for a week or two.

Another exciting series at my local theater as Julie Andrews will be there in person for “Blake Edwards: A Film Selection by Julie Andrews,” celebrating the life and career of her late husband. The series will include That’s Life (1986), Wild Rovers (1971), 10 (1979), the Inspector Clouseau film A Shot in the Dark (1964), 1981’s S.O.B., 1961’s Breakfast at Tiffany’s and a Members Only screening of Victor/Victoria (1982) with a QnA with the actress. Also, the Academy returns to the Metrograph for its monthly series, this one very Halloween-appropriate, as they’ll be showing Fulci’s Zombi 2 (aka Zombie) from 1979.

This week’s Late Nites at Metrograph is still David Lynch’s Mulholland Dr. (2001) and also, because the Metrograph will make any excuse to show Brian De Palma’s 2002 dog Femme Fatale… they’re showing Femme Fatale again. what gives Metrograph? You now taking cues from the IFC Center by showing the same movies over and over? Tsk, tsk… This weekend’s Playtime: Family Matinees is Brad Bird’s animated classic The Iron Giant from 1999. Welcome To Metrograph: Redux seems to be taking the weekend off, probably to make room for some of the above.

FILM FORUM (NYC):

The other series I’m really excited about is the three-week “Shitamachi: Tales of Downtown Tokyo” but I get to that, I want to mention that I had a chance to see Yoji Yamada’s Tora-San, Our Lovable Tramp (1969), which plays for two more days, and it’s quite wonderful so definitely try to get to it as this became a very popular series in Japan. Okay, back to the other Japanese series, this one runs for three weeks and it’s co-presented with the Japan Foundation. This weekend, you can see Akira Kurosawa’s Drunken Angel (1948) and Stray Dog (1949) on Friday and Saturday as well as Ozu’s Record of a Tenement Gentleman from 1947. Sunday and Monday is Kurusawa’s Ikiru (1952) and a couple others. There’s just an abundance of riches including a couple rare prints that were imported from Japan for the series. Apparently, the Film Forum thinks Milos Forman’s Hair(1979) which I just saw at the Metrograph is okay for kids, which is why it’s programmed as this week’s “Film Forum Jr.”

THE NEW BEVERLY (L.A.):

The Wednesday matinee is the classic What Ever Happened to Baby Jane? (1962), while Weds. and Thurs. see double features of P.T. Anderson’s Inherent Vice (2014) with Jacques Demy’s Model Shop (1969). Friday’s matinee is Hellraiser III: Hell on Earth (1992), while the weekend “Kiddee Matinee” is the Disney movie Blackbeard’s Ghostfrom 1968. (I wonder if that will be on the Disney+ service.) Friday night’s midnight movie is Robert Rodriguez’s From Dusk Til Dawnand then Saturday night is an “All Night Horror Show” which is sold out, sadly. Monday’s matinee is The People Under the Stairs (1991), and Monday and Tuesday nights are double features of Tom Laughlin’s The Born Losers (1967) and Billy Jack (1971).

MOMA (NYC):

It’s exciting news that MOMA reopens NEXT MONDAY, and their first two series are Modern Matinees: Iris Barry’s History of Filmand Vision Statement: Early Directorial Works. The first of these is an attempt to recreate some of the early film programs from the early days of the MOMA Film Library, including a screening of the 1914 film A Fool There Was on Monday, and I’ll write more about this next week. “Vision Statement” begins with Andrzej Żuławski’s The Third Part of the Night (1971) and Satyajit Ray’s 1955 film Pather Panchali, and Andrey Zvyagintsev’s 2003 film The Return and Jane Campion’s The Piano (1993) both screen on Tuesday.

ALAMO DRAFTHOUSE BROOKLYN (NYC)

I’ll be at tonight’s “Weird Wednesday” Born of Fire (1987), which is almost sold out but has a few seats left. Monday night’s “Fist City” selection is David Fincher’s 2002 movie Panic Room, starring Jodie Foster and a VERY young Kristen Stewart, while “Video Vortex” presents the horror classic A Night to Dismember: The Original Cut. Next week’s “Terror Tuesday” is 1983’s Devil Fetus, and what do you know? Julie Andrews will be there doing a QnA right after showing Blake Edwards’ 1982 movie Victor/Victoria – I wonder where they got that idea (or maybe Ms. Andrews is just doing a tour right now). Next week’s “Weird Wednesday” is the 1993 film Fire in the Sky and RottenTomatoes is hosting a party centered around The Craft (1996), which is already sold out.

EGYPTIAN THEATRE (LA):

Recent Spanish Cinema 2019 continues this weekend so no rep stuff but a couple movies worth checking out are the doc The Silence of Others and the animated film Buñuel in the Labyrinth of the Turtles.

AERO (LA):

A couple “Facing Off with John Woo” double features with The Killer (1989) and Hard Boiled (1992) on Friday, and then Face/Off (1997) and Hard Target (1993) on Saturday afternoon. Saturday night is a screening of Woo’s 1990 film Bullet in the Head. Sunday is a Lina Wertmüller double feature called “Swept Away Again by Lina Wertmüller” which isThe Seduction of Mimi (1972) with Love & Anarchy (1973). Tuesday’s “Tuesdays with Lorre” will a 35mm screening of Frank Capra’s Arsenic and Old Lace (1944).

IFC CENTER (NYC)

Wednesday night’s “Movies with MZS” (aka Matt Zoller Seitz) is John Carpenter’s Prince of Darkness (1987). It doesn’t look like the IFC Center has set its Fall repertory series yet but Friday and Saturday night at midnight you can see the very first official James Bond movieDr. No(1962) and a 4k restoration of Sam Raimi’s The Evil Dead (1981).That said, “Weekend Classics: May All Your Christmases Be Noir” does begin this weekend with Nicolas Ray’s They Live by Night (1948).

MUSEUM OF THE MOVING IMAGE (NYC):

“See It Big! Ghost Stories” continues this weekend with screenings of one of my all-time faves, Tobe Hooper’s Poltergeist, on Friday, and the Japanese horror classic House (Hausu) on Saturday, as well as the 1965 Japanese horror film Kwaidan, plus James Wan’s Insidiouscloses the series on Sunday evening. The “No Joke: Absurd Comedy as Political Reality” continues with 1985’s The Coca-Cola Kid on Sunday afternoon as well as William Klein’s 1969 movie Mr. Freedom, neither of which I’m familiar with. Saturday afternoon is a special screening of Marlon Brando’s 1961 film One-Eyed Jacks with an introduction by William Mann, who wrote “The Contender: The Story of Marlon Brando.”

FILM AT LINCOLN CENTER (NYC):

Freshly recovered from the New York Film Festival, FilmLinc is screening a 25th Anniversary restoration of Béla Tarr’s 1994 film Sátántangó, which also played at the film festival.

LANDMARK THEATRES NUART (LA):

Oh, it looks like the Landmark has been showing Francis Ford Coppola’s The Cotton Club Encore all week so you can see it through Thursday. This Friday night’s midnight movie is A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors from 1987.

QUAD CINEMA (NYC):

Still showing Serge Gainsbourg’s Je T’aime Moi Non Plus (1976) through the weekend.

Next week, it’s an odds and ends weekend including Deon Taylor’s new police drama Black and Blue, the high-tech horror/thriller Countdownand the historical drama The Current War, starring Benedict Cumberbatch, Tom Holland and Michael Shannon.

#WhatToWatchthisWeekend TheLighthouse Maleficent Zombieland Movies Reviews Streaming JojoRabbit

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honeylikewords · 7 years

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The Jew Crew does group costumes for Halloween. One year they decided the theme was Lord of the Rings. Everyone assumed David, with his great height and facial hair, would dress as Treebeard -- this giant dork arrives dressed as a hobbit. "... No offense, dude, but what the heck?" Shane says. "I'm a hobbit," David says with certainty. "... Did...did your mother make love to a giant!?" "I'm a hobbit." "Let him be a hobbit, Shane, he likes flowers and eats all the time," BJ says.

THIS IS LITERALLY SO CUTE I STARTED TEARING UP

he’s samwise gamgee, specifically. that’s his favorite hobbit. he wears no shoes and walks around in his woolen cape, his pants too short for his long legs and his shirt a baggy, linen thing. he loves it. he has a little model of sting that he swings around for his friends to see, and BJ laughs and claps for him.

“you’ll teach that shelob a thing or two, won’t you?” “yeah!”

eddie came as gandalf, and he smiles, reaching up on his tiptoes to put a hand on david’s shoulder.

“my, what a striking halfling you are! have you any knowledge of the ring?”

david giggles and shakes his head, and it’s the sweetest thing anyone’s ever seen. they all play along and let him be a hobbit. he deserves it.

frank is aragorn and shane is boromir, and mike is frodo. bj is eomer and monty is gimli because he wanted to brandish an axe.

but the person who loves their costume the most is absolutely david. he even brought a little hobo-bindle package of breads, apples and cheeses for his “elevensies” and he smiles as he sits down and eats them, sharing with his friends, too! because he’s the best boy. he even has a little wooden box of special spices from “the shire” (aka his girlfriend’s kitchen).

#messages #i'm a hobbit. I LOVE HIM #fave #mega fave #super duper mega fave #jew crew #the mute #modern!david #Anonymous

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vivitalks · 7 years

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...Another Tag Game

thank u @not-natural-moose-and-squirrel for tagging me haha

Rules: Answer all questions, add one question of your own and tag as many people as there are questions (no the fuck way)

1. coke or pepsi: coke

2. disney or dreamworks: honestly i dont really know the difference

3. coffee or tea: T E A

4. books or movies: books probably. but movies do have a way of showing things Happening that books just can’t quite achieve on the same level so idk

5. windows or mac: ffffrick uh idk??? windows but only bc this laptop is a windows and i dont wanna offend it

6. dc or marvel: Marvel

7. x-box or playstation: we have an x-box so i’ll go with that

8. dragon age or mass effect: ???what is video game???

9. night owl or early riser: night owl

10. cards or chess: CHESS!! my dad made a recurring bet with me that any time i beat him in chess, he’ll give me $100. i’ve only ever beat him once.

11. chocolate or vanilla: chocolate

12. vans or converse: i dont own either but converse

13. Lavellan, Trevelyan, Cadash, or Adaar: ?? cadash because they have the coolest name

14. fluff or angst: fluff with a dash of angst (read: plot)

15. beach or forest: forest i hate sand

16. dogs or cats: dogs

17. clear skies or rain: rain

18. cooking or eating out: i like when my mom cooks but if it were me i’d eat out 10/10 times

19. spicy food or mild food: normal thanks

20. halloween/samhain or solstice/yule/christmas: SEEING AS IM A JEW, IMMA GO WITH HALLOWEEN

21. would you rather forever be a little too cold or a little too hot: aahhh this is hard ill say cold because you can always put more clothes on

22. if you could have a superpower, what would it be: to fly maybe. or to shapeshift because that’s just like a loophole to life am i right

23. animation or live action: definitely live action

24. paragon or renegade: renegade sounds cooler so that

25. baths or showers: showers

26. team cap or team ironman: IRON MAN WAS BEING SENSIBLE AND TRYING TO REPENT I LOVE CAP BUT HE WAS BUT IRRATIONALLY DEFENSIVE OF HIS FUCKING FRIEND OKAY JESUS BE GAY WITHOUT KILLING PEOPLE but i dont really have a strong opinion

27. fantasy or sci-fi: mmmmm fantasy i think

28. do you have three or four favourite quotes, if so what are they: dont ask me this i wont stop talking

29. youtube or netflix: Netflix

30. harry potter or percy jackson: Harry Potter

31. when you feel accomplished: when i do something that i was meaning to do, like homework or chores

32. star wars or star trek: Star Wars by default as ive never seen any star trek

33. paperback books or hardback books: Paperbacks

34. horror or rom-com: ROM COM i hate horror

35. tv shows or movies: TV shows for almost sure

36. favorite animal: imma go simple and say dogs

37. favorite genre of music: Broadway Soundtracks and Alt Pop (isn’t that what All Time Low is?)

38. least favorite book: GO TELL IT ON THE MOUNTAIN BY JAMES BALDWIN MORE LIKE GO FUCK YOURSELF

39. favourite season: spring or fall or winter or summer idk

40. song that’s currently stuck in your head: Waving Through a Window from Dear Evan Hansen

41. what kind of pyjama’s do you wear: usually any tshirt and sweatpants

42. How many existential crises do you have on an average day: usually like one small one like “why...do people care...so much...about making things Straight...it’s literally so easy to just Not...........why.......”

43. If you can only choose one song to be played at your funeral, what would it be: my first thought was the saddest song i can currently think of which is Words Fail (DEH) but that song makes me cry so not that. probably Little Miss Can’t Be Wrong (been a whole lot easier since the bitch is gone) (im the bitch)

44. Favourite theme song to a TV show: fuck man doctor who i guess???

45. Harry Potter movies or books: books (i haven’t seen all the movies lol)

46. You can make your OTP become canon but you’ll forget that tumblr exists. Will you do it?: nah there’s always fanfiction am i right or am i right

47. Do you play an instrument, and if so, what is it? i mean i play the guitar...badly....

My question: 48. What is the worst way to die?

I’m gonna tag @phans-secret-blog @primaryaftermath aaaand @actually-samirah

#my question is kinda stolen from ill give you the sun #great book guys #anyway #tag games #things about me

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