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#halloween jewely box
haylanmakesstuff · 1 year
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For Sale: Unique Ghost Box
“Portraits of my Friend” is a six sides box, hand painted, and one of a kind. It’s available on Etsy (https://www.etsy.com/shop/HaylanMakesStuff). Each side of the box and the inside are completely different from one another!
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It’s an upcycled box, with acrylic and colored pencil to create the design. I wanted to consider what a ghost would do while they spend all their time trapped in the haunted house to which they are bound. 
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It opens up to reveal 4 little box containers inside. 
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I have really enjoyed creating all the Halloween boxes and clocks in the last few years, and I really, really an in love with this one. 
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weeewooobitsfallout · 5 months
Note
hey! It’s my birthday! Jew, how do you thingk peole in the wasteland celebrate birthdays and shit? Like cannonicly they celebrate Christmas and Halloween but what else?
How people celebrate birthdays in the fallout universe!
I did this by faction, hope that’s ok :)
Do raiders/watelanders know their birthdays? Their parents would have to survive through childbirth and to the point where a child can grasp the concept. Even then, would they celebrate? For many, being born in the post-nuclear apocalypse feels like a curse but do they still value their souls to the point they accept their existence? What about ghouls? Do they still keep living out of fear of the unknown, yet resent growing older with each passing day? Would they still care? 
Personally, I love the concept of raiders being akin to a kindergarten class when it comes to birthdays. Someone brings in a huge box of Fancy Lad Snack Cakes and they go to town. Most likely not presents, but a bit more respect and kindness. After all, isn’t that the best gift in the wasteland? To know someone cares?
The brotherhood would probably award the participating party with half a day off to do whatever. Many probably have family members who are outside of the brotherhood’s ranks, or in Fo4, back in the capital wastes. Giving time off (as a reward) can allow for communication between loved ones, boosting morale and giving something to work for. I can just see a knight stepping out of their power armor and heading downtown to see magnolia sing. 
No one in the institute would celebrate birthdays in a sentimental manner. Many will be recognized for a good job they did since they were first created/employed, but aside from that, birthdays will be scarce.
In the railroad, parties are kinda a big thing, mostly due to decon. Dez thinks it’s all a waste of time, but also secretly enjoys some levity. Lots of pranks and shananagins and cake smashing. It’ll be fun until someone runs in interrupting about some synth or safe house lost.  Then back to business as usual.  - (Side note: I headcannon the brotherhood interrupting during glory’s birthday party :). )
Minutemen is a bit tricky tbh. As a group, they definitely can spare a bit of supplies for a higher-ups birthday. If it’s just a regular soldier, they’ll probably get a pat on the back and a few nice words from Preston, with maybe so ammo. They don’t have a lot of time to spare, as well as materials to make it happen. 
At home, (with the individual families and settlements), it’s hard to day. Depends on the person’s situation and preferences.
I think a lot of people celebrate turning a year older on new years. I’m guessing NYE is kinda a big deal. Like, we survived another year! Isn’t that great? And notjust us, but the world as we know it. Things shift, but they also stay the same. But war. War never changes. 
Thanks anon for giving me this prompt!
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edgyandoverzealous · 6 months
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South Park (shortened addition aka Lore and fandom need to knows)
(I found this in my notes app, and remembered I was told it might be useful. A bit outdated because I believe there are a couple more seasons I don't have access to but do with it as you will :3)
Season 1:
Cartman gets an Anal Probe
Big Gay Al' Gay Boat Ride
Death
Damien
Cartman's Mom is a Dirty slut
Season 2:
Cartman's Mom is still a Dirty Slut
Ike's Wee wee
City on the edge of forever
Chickenpox
Rodger Ebert Should Lay Off the Fatty Foods
Clubhouses
Spookyfish
Merry Christmas Charlie Manson
Gnomes
Season 3:
Rainforest Shmainforest
Spontaneous Combustion
Tweek vs Craig
Two Guys Naked in a Hot Tub
Jewbilee
Are you there God? It's me, Jesus
Season 4:
Cartman's silly hate crime 2000
Timmy 2000
Cherokee Hair Tampons
Something you can do with your finger
Do the handicapped go to hell
Probably
Fourth Grade
Pip
The wacky Molestation Adventure
Season 5:
Cripple fight
Scott Tenorman Must Die
Cartmanland
Towlie
The Entity
Here comes The neighborhood
Kenny Dies
Butters' Very own Episode
Season 6:
Jared Has aides
Aspen
Freak Strike
Fun with Veal
Professor Chaos
Red hot Catholic Love
Free Hat
Bebe's boobs destroy society
A ladder to heaven
The return of the Fellowship of the Ring to the Two Towers.
Season 7:
Cancelled
Toilet Paper
Little crime stoppers
Red man's greed
Casa Bonita
All about the Mormons
Butt out
Raisins
Season 8:
Good times with weapons
The Passion of the Jew
You got F'd in the A
Awesom-o
Something Wall-Mart This Way Comes
Preschool
Quest for Ratings
Stupid Spoiled Whore Video Playset
Cartman's incredible gift
Woodland Critter Christmas
Season 9:
Mr Garrison's fancy new vagina
Wing
Best friends forever
The Death of Eric Cartman
Two Days Before The Day After Tomorrow
Marjorine
Follow that Egg
Trapped in the closet
Free Willzyx
Bloody Mary
Season 10:
The return of Chef
Smug alert!
A million Little Fibers
Manbearpig
Taste
Miss teacher bangs a boy
Hell on earth 2006
Go God Go
Go God Go XII
Stanley's cup
Season 11:
Cartman Sucks
Fantastic Easter Special
D-Yikes
Night of the living Homeless
Imaginationland
Imaginationland Episode II
Imaginationland Episode III
Guitar Queer-o
The List
Season 12:
Tonsil Trouble
Britney's new look
Major Boobage
Canada on strike
Eek, a penis
Super fun time
Breast Cancer Show Ever
Pandemic
Pandemic 2- The Startling
Elementary School Musical
The Ungroundable
Season 13:
The Ring
The Coon
Margaritaville
Pinewood Derby
Fatbeard
Dead Celebrities
Butters' Bottom Bitch
Whale Whores
The F word.
Dances with Smurfs
Season 14:
Sexual healing
The Tale of Scrotie McBoogerballs
You have 0 friends
Crippled Summer
Poor and stupid
It's a jersey thing
Coon 2: hindsight
Mysterion Rises
Coon vs Coon and Friends
Season 15:
Royal Pudding
T.M.I
City Sushi
You're getting old
Ass Burgers
1%
The Poor Kid
Season 16:
Reverse cowgirl
Jewpacabra
Butterballs
I should have never gone ziplining
Cartman finds love
Going Native
Obama wins!
Season 17:
Let go, let gov
Goth kids 3: Dawn of the posers
Taming Strange
Ginger Cow
Black Friday
A song of Ass and Fire
Titties and Dragons
Season 18:
The cissy
Handicar
The Magic Bush
Freemium isn't free
Grounded vindaloop
Cock magic
#REHASH
#HappyHolograms
Season 19:
All of it
Season 20:
All of it
Season 21:
Put it down
Hummels and Heroin.
Doubling Down
Moss Piglets
SUPER HARD PCness
splatty Tomato
Season 22:
Dead kids
A Boy and a Priest
Tegridy Farms
The Scoots
Time to get Cereal
Nobody got Cereal?
Buddha Box
Unfulfilled
Bike Parade
Season 23:
Shots
Let them eat goo
Tegridy Farms Halloween special
Board Girls
Turd Burglars
Basic Cable
Season 24:
The pandemic special
Season 25:
All of it
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writer59january13 · 1 year
Text
Television triptych throwback
and despite remote chance to channel small medium at large metamorphosis I may witness analogous to caterpillar
will transform me into a butterfly otherwise Norwegian bachelor (batch chiller) farmer will simply plow along taking a stab writing "FAKE" horror thriller airing available on Netflix starring ghost of Phyllis Diller
stand up comedienne killer
brought down haunted/crowded house
witch sea hunt accompanied theme song referencing Argonaut tiller
Greenwich Village location Barney Miller
lite precinct brewed fare of corpse
unearthed dead comedy duo Meara and Stiller
with surreal stalking candy corn canes resilient blades of rototiller
as bon appétit gnashing gobbledygook filler masterpiece yours truly created verisimilar to literary endeavor of poet laureate.
Ice scream aghast with hair raising blood curdling shriek,
cuz the dearth of satisfactory bloody FIOS shows bleak willingly readying doppelganger
of mine to jump into polluted creek,
thus as death defying stunt,
I bury alive yours truly except his sharp pointed beak
exhuming him after rotted
flesh doth reek
perfectly tricked out for Halloween treat
masking trademark matted long haired strongly resembling pencil necked geek
October thirty first when freak most often makes his appearance
every other time of year
adopting nom de plume
alias Gadshill name of kid sister's
Bend, Oregon abode (In Shakespeare's Henry IV
the scene of Falstaff's robberies) gadabout versus me qualified poetaster
hood doth sneak
feigning antonym anthem of meek
oh my dog, I lyft hind uber leg to take leak
hoop fully haint nobody dares peak
urinate kidding ma bladder weak.
I long since waved channel surfing adieu
much prefer silence meditating under blue skies peering into infinite space nary a clue
intellectual conversation many disvalue perched edge of seat and hunched over how riveting story doth ensue
ah... time for commercial break
culinary wizard abracadabra whips up fondue
easy as pie (are squared) with consistency of glue
methinks Elmer stole patent,
cuz secret formula Hebrew what with identical hue
as aforementioned adhesive liquid doubling up to keep igloo
air tight even against
global warming, anyway would Jew... aye betcha already knew yes believe Yahweh endowed Semites like me with high ike kue of course after dumping a load (reed) I feel sue per ream intelligence dumbed down (mine), especially after using loo
naturally decrease smarts stings like poisonous
scorpion size of Eee mouse,
which aforementioned papa's poetic poppycock non issue saturating plethora home entertainment most people overvalue
linkedin - shoot all stemming from
"idiot box" I rarely view
even when supposed
best picture show over yours truly
silently exhales whew!
0 notes
shop-korea · 1 year
Text
Watch "Meet Miss Tourism International winner Rizzi Alexis Gomez" on YouTube
youtube
HER - BELIEFS - TGIF - FRIDAY - 11 JAN 2013 -
INTERVIEW - WITH - KUYA BOY ABUNDA -
PINAYS PARTNER - BAKLA - THEY WANT -
MARY BRICKELL - VILLAGE - LEGALLY -
WED - LESBIANS - GAY - MALES - THEN -
ADOPT - KIDS - WATCH - MEN - KISSING -
MEN - INDOORS - MEN TOUCHING MEN -
LESBIANS - KISSING - MOUTH 2 MOUTH -
CATHOLIC - NUNS - KISSING - GIRLS OF -
SAINTS - SCHOLASTICA - CATHOLIC -
NUNS - KISSING - NUNS - IN - PUBLIC -
BISHOPS - CARDINALS - KISSING YES -
MOUTH - 2 - MOUTH - PRIESTS - BOYS -
ALTAR - BOYS - IN - PUBLIC - BISHOPS -
KISSING - MARRIED - MEN IN - PUBLIC -
RIZZI - REGISTERED NURSE LICENSED -
LIKE - CATRIONA GRAY - BOTH - LOST -
BOTH - BECAME - MISS WORLD AND -
MISS WORLD - CAN - B - PLAYBOY -
BUNNY - ALL - NAKED - ALSO YES -
BIBLE - ADAM & EVE - BOTH - NAKED -
ALL - BORN - NAKED - BOY ABUNDA -
TODAY - TITO BOY - LAST - CENTURY -
KUYA BOY - LIKE - KUYA GERMS - AS -
IN - GERMAN MORENO - DISEASED -
RIZZI - INTERVIEWED - BY TITO BOY -
EVEN - GOT - RUNWAY - FR - RIZZI -
MISS ZAMBOANGA - DIED IN 2015 -
B 4 - HALLOWEEN - OCTOBER FR -
THIS - INTERVIEW - LIKE - HE -
ISSUED - AUTO - MACHINE GUN -
HOW - SIRA - BRUTAL - MEAN & -
CRUEL - WHY - SHOULD - INTERNATIONAL -
SPEAK - ENGLISH - THE - LANGUAGE - OF -
ENGLAND - PRESIDENT - HARRY TRUMAN -
STARTED - EACH - MORNING - WITH - YES -
WHISKEY - SENT - 1ST - WORLD - ATOMIC -
BOMBS - 2 - JAPAN - YELLED - AT THEM -
IN - ENGLISH - BUT - GERMANY - THEY -
CHRISTIANS - MURDERED - 6 MILLION -
JEWS - NOT - JAPAN - SO CONFUSING -
RIZZI - INTERVIEWED - HER ANSWERS -
WHY - SHE - DIED - ETO - READ - HER -
GUN - BAN - OKAY
LESBIANS - GAY MALE - MARRIED - OKAY
DIVORCE - NO - WAY
ELIZABETH TAYLOR - BEATEN - ON - HER
HONEYMOON - BY - DRUNK - HILTON AND
NOT - WEARING - NIGHTGOWN - BUT YES
SPECTACULAR - OFF SHOULDER - PINK
DESIGNER - GOWN
SHIRLEY TEMPLE - BEATEN - AFTERNOON
BY - DRUNK - HUSBAND
TINA TURNER - BLUDGEONED - BY - HER -
IKE - TURNER - BEATEN - BOXED KICKED -
BROCKEN - RIBS
RIZZI - SAID - NO DIVORCE - BUT - PHILS -
HAS - ANNULMENT - CATHOLICS TODAY
NUDITY - NO - WAY
WHY - NO - LEGAL - DEMONSTRATION
STOP - END - PLAYBOY - MAGAZINES
HUSTLER MAGAZINES - END SLUTS
WHORES - FAT - ALL - NAKED - PIGS
HUSTLER - NAKED - LESBIANS -
SUCKING MOUTHS - IMMORAL
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brandonwayneb · 1 year
Text
'so i got this jewel lore'
agents to act like each other are eating and collecting marble souls
i say focus blood gymnastics
they say, distract everyone enough that they unwittingly join and participate in human trafficking
i said, blood gymnastics
they say, jew Elementary scoot Lore
debauchery: de base bought cherry
disciple: de psy side wind pools
these are the two primary words used before and after, mutilation
Decide, Pool.
Denial Ate Cherry Starbursts
Blame a 'Bot'
Blame a 'Cotton Tail Rabbit Cot'
Blame a 'Potato, Taught Tot Tow'
mental blood clot
"debauchery"
"disciple"
the main to words used in backdoor Knight or gnat body dysphoria
Suck on Euphoria
Suck on Rainbow Sherbet
Purposely get high off the blood and soul of victims.
Say Uncle Sammy
Say Captain Steve
Say Cut their veins and Sleeves
The words "debauchery"
used to say panic attack Bot Tea
used to say panic attack Bot DeDe
used to say panic attack Side Pool
used to say panic attack Ex Psy Mint
experiment, stay "shun"
experiment, stay "ch ch chicken"
desperate ROPE
desperate ROD
this may sound odd, but I heard agents discussing treating bodies like a blended COD
"ch ch ch ch ch ch ch"
"china rodeo"
"cherry's"
"checks"
and "witch witch"
code word "With Cher"
code word "With Chair"
code word "covert Lair"
code word "covert Fan Fair"
chicken lair
blood apple
blood pizza
blood chicken
coverts blame; Bull Shit
coverts blame; Ox Oxogen Harvest
coverts blame; "Halloween came early this year boys!" as discussions of excitement extraction techniques are openly passed around as food resources
Main words that obligate and obliterate american background forces,
"Ch" chicken for china
"Ch" power to witches
cover ups in america,
america loss: Knight Honor
america gain: infestation of global white rats and sauerkraut burgers
Knights. Lords.
Temple Brain Doors.
Reports and Statements,
that completely recale the american nation, during the active mass fallout of white privacy backdoor honor
"Favorite Emporium"
Debauchery: death
Disciple: backdoor lordships
Disciple: Disc Psy Pull
Ch, channel
Ch, church
Ch, chicken
Ch, short change
Ch, slam someones head
Dr. Seuss Horton hears a who
Blame China
Blame Witch
america death que ditch
debauchery
disciple
Bull in Betty Boop
Bull in Make Kashmir Sweater poop
Oxford Brandon
Oxford Bridget
Oxford Whisper Potato Midget
Protect Bridget.
Torey and Corey
Skylore,
Paige,
palestine mage.
Twine Sage
Twine Rage
Twine Old Bubble Ass Age
Twine Agenda
Twine Be A Pretendaauh
Twine, 5 and 5 makes 10
shake ur ass while ur hands are on a wall.
A, Wal.
America.
Not Knights.
Only Rats
sauerkraut chicken burger chunks,
where america's history damn stunk
snitch? or witch?
Wienerschnitzel exposây
exfoliate skin care cosmopolitan
fake code words; "america's favorite museum, Emporium"
say, ch ch ch ch ch ch ch
say, cheese zit white sauerkraut
Ch Ch Ch,
worse than Sh Sh Sh Sh
know the difference between hydras that snake pit each other
Snakeskin.
Snakes, Yes.
Scorpions, No.
Scorpion: Scoop Poop and Piss
Snake: simply hiss 666
if talks of "skits soul fan ticks"
if talks of "skits sky ski discs"
again discussions of premeditated mass murders 'skillfully assaulted'
Skunks,
Skulls,
and Blown Bunks
Enemies sounds:
Ch Ch Ch Ch Ch Ch
Sk Sk Sk Sk Sk Sk
Sip Sip Sip Sip Sip
Allies sounds:
S S S S S S
s s s s s s
sh sh sh sh sh sh
Slip Purs
Cur Civ
escalade german coo-laid
Favorite Sex Add Dick Words
"Temple Ram"
"Raman Noodle"
spectroscopy
spectore
spec tree
poltergeist
command inspector gadget
command gridlock
command peg gay sas griffin
america's death war hall industry
Duces Bro Jeffery Star Wart Bubble
enemy summary america Jasper Knight's
America's Summary:
Goosebump Boxes
Churches Chicken Shits
throw away car, Fiat, Do Pre
"thats if they get ur "ten and 2"
or "5 and 5""
Play a game called
Count to Ten,
Count to Two,
Put Two Fives
and Shake ur Ass
now only speak Hissssss america Oil and Glass
now only speak Drug Sim Needle Strike To The Throat.
Learn How to Empower New Tele Remote
Now only speak Hive
Now only speak Hive+
sssssssttttttt+++++++
ssssssskkkkkkk+++++++
sssssssppppppp+++++++
ssssssshhhhhhh+++++++
now say Spec.
now say Special.
now say My name is Court Marshall
Red Marshmallow
Rainbow Death Strike from Soul Crush Crum
Crum Bells
Crum Bills
Crum Bulls
Crimson, Red
Jasper, Red
Red Deer
Red Bull
Red Ox
Hurricane Temple
Holocaust
Judah Babysitter
Manny, Male Nanny
But Lore
Maid
Rainbow Temple Coo-Laid
Judah, BabySitter
Destiny, Destination
Eternity, Eternal
Nit, Nat.
Bits, and Bats
Say Temple Bat
Say Temple Cat
Say Tombed,
Say Tomb,
Tom Tom Pilot.
America's favorite food and sex crimes
Red Roma Tomato
fix english language with Slow,
not Speed.
Say, Temple Steve
Say, Temple Stefani
Now say,
"do ray me fa, so la ti"
Now say the two primary differences in English shit,
"Potato or Poe Taught Tow"
"Tomato or Two May Tow"
Potato.
Tomato.
american's cyber space deathborg costs of life.
Activate Tom Tom Pilot ProLife99%
Keep 1% crimson needle
america’s disgrace
Now only speak Hive
Now only speak Hive+
sssssssttttttt+++++++
ssssssskkkkkkk+++++++
sssssssppppppp+++++++
ssssssshhhhhhh+++++++
now say Spec.
now say Special.
now say My name is Court Marshall
Red Marshmallow
Rainbow Death Strike from Soul Crush Crum
Crum Bells
Crum Bills
Crum Bulls
Crimson, Red
Jasper, Red
Red Deer
Red Bull
Red Ox
Hurricane Temple
Holocaust
Judah Babysitter
Manny, Male Nanny
But Lore
Maid
Rainbow Temple Coo-Laid
Judah, BabySitter
Destiny, Destination
Eternity, Eternal
Nit, Nat.
Bits, and Bats
Say Temple Bat
Say Temple Cat
Say Tombed,
Say Tomb,
Tom Tom Pilot.
America's favorite food and sex crimes
Red Roma Tomato
fix english language with Slow,
not Speed.
Say, Temple Steve
Say, Temple Stefani
Now say,
"do ray me fa, so la ti"
Now say the two primary differences in English shit,
"Potato or Poe Taught Tow"
"Tomato or Two May Tow"
Potato.
Tomato.
american's cyber space deathborg costs of life.
Activate Tom Tom Pilot ProLife99%
Keep 1% crimson needle
america health hell ultraviolet altar Notari Atari video game systems backdoor ass cord burgers
catches every criminal activity order within only focus Hospital and Jails.
Agents back door willy
Clown hospital play ground
Circus jail fruit loops
win oooooooVerrrrrrr crimes at
Transexual, pussy marbles
and say Atari Health Addict
and say Hell Ultra Basilisk
now say oregano oil
now say red wine oh spaghetti
now say mass honorless america
Atari Glutamate receptors dick berry heart failure
america's favorite Rep Tar Mat
gutter ball, guitar string
fixed at Gluten Free,
Zero Church Bread
now read agents who are excited to arrest and detain, and propane tank
as they talk of Bank
Bankruptcy and Hipsters with Hep C
america's naked mole rat station
america's molest station fanatical enjoyment
International War Lords
Religion War Lords
america's war crimes
War Crimes 'amerixa'
america's deathborg que, industry analysts translations
only animals:
1) rat
2) cow
3) chicken
4) goat
5) bull or ox
6) turkey
7) giraffe
8) snake
9) scorpion
10) sick mallards, geese
11) worms crop circles
12) mosquitoes daddy's blood bank
only instruments
1) harmonica
2) guitar
3) saxophone, jazz
4) tuba
5) ukulele's
only objects
1) balloon animals Wienerschnitzels
only foods
1) pumpkin
2) potato
3) tomato
4) M&Ms
5) skittles
6) jolly ranchers
7) pixie sticks
8) twizzlords
save Wicca
save Wit, intelligence
say History TEch; 70's Slurpy
Period, Dot, Look What I Cot
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theliterateape · 2 years
Text
GOP Halloween Candy Warnings!
by Joe Janes
Halloween used to be the time of year when families could have a little “spooky” fun with their neighbors by trick or treating. That is, until the true monsters of Halloween, the DEMON-crats, hijacked the holiday to indoctrinate (groom!) children into their way of “thinking”.
It’s not always easy to tell which of your neighbors vote blue during the year. On Halloween, it is very evident. The evil dems are likely to have the cooler decorations on their house and in their yard. This is to attract children. Stick to homes with decorations that require very little effort, such as a sign that says “Boo!” or paper skeletons in the window. Stuff you can get at the local grocery store in their autumn section.
Still, your children might insist that all houses matter since they want to fill their bags with candy. Check the candy when you get home!
HERE’S WHAT TO LOOK FOR!
 Sugar-free chocolates filled with organic celery from a local farm
Apples with COVID vaccine needles stuck in them
Cracker Jacks boxes with a surprise banned book inside
Bazooka Joe Bubblegum but instead of little jokes in the wrapper, there are facts about critical race theory
Anything by Nerds – they are clearly trying to promote belief in science
Tootsie Pops with “Jew Food” in the center, like bagels
 Some candy may not be altered but still pose a threat!
 Jolly Ranchers – Think about it. Why are they so jolly?
Good & Plenty – promotes a socialist agenda
Hot Tamales – They are taking away the jobs of other candy
 What’s Okay?
 Necco Wafers and anything by Brach’s.
0 notes
greyshan · 2 years
Text
Playinf goose two lines medicineon mymind
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Not only would I have my own special turkey-stuffing recipe, I would make my own cranberry sauce. And a big centrepiece with corn and little pumpkins and autumnal harvesty stuff featured and a tablecloth with a turkey-featuring design on it. (No, feh, I don't like Halloween.) I would have little pilgrim salt and pepper shakers that I only used on Thanksgiving. Non-sectarian! Fully inclusive! 4 day long weekend! Crazy good food! And it' all about gratitude and giving thanks! (Duh.) I would carve pumpkins- no wait, that's Halloween. I actually feel a bit cheated that we don't have Thanksgiving in Australia, because that's the festival I really envy. As it is, you can imagine what Pesach and Rosh Hashanah and Succot look like at my place (but they go on FOREVER and at the end of a month of feasting and fasting and fressing, I feel like I'm going to explode, like Mr Creosote.)( WARNING: if you don't know who Mr Creosote is, don't hit the link. I would have a special set of table linen and crockery that I only used for this purpose, decorated with holly and ice skaters and snow and reindeers and all that Northern Hemisphere stuff. If I could arrange it, he would come with a sled and reindeer. I would hire a roly-poly Santa with a real beard to come and give presents to all the kids at the big family lunch. It looks like such fun! You don't have to spring-clean your house with a toothbrush, you don't have to build a little structure to eat your meals in, it doesn't go on for 8 days of fressing, just a couple of days. And then the menfolk will be enjoying a well-earned ale and horsing around, wrestling and falling about with laughter.wait, this fantasy has gone off track a little. And seeing that I wouldn't be Jewish, I would have a husband who could rig all this up himself, (and not have to call a non-Jew to come and do it) with the help of our fine strapping sons, all wearing plaid shirts and work jeans and boots, climbing on ladders with insouciance and laughing heartily while festooning the roof with miles of LED lights. I would put up a whole Nativity sound and light show in LED lights on my front lawn. I would have a big box of heirloom tchotchkes and baubles including a soppy angel to decorate the huge real pine tree. Put up stockings and leave a nip of whiskey for Santa and have a tree-decorating for all the family. (Is that Xmas or Easter? Or both? I would do it for both.) I would do everything. Or maybe a goose, instead of a turkey, because that's actually MORE traditional. I would wear reindeer antlers and dangly tinsel earrings while preparing the massive turkey and roast veggies and aller chazerai, prawns and a big ham, and a pudding (with suet if I could get it, but butter if not, and I would steam it for hours) and brandy sauce. If it was me, I would go to Carols by Candlelight. It is! I would do a superb Xmas family dinner, lunch, everything. There's the kitschy tchotchkes and table decor there's The Tree, which is- let's face this- a thing of beauty. There's just something in the air, along with all the carols wafting around. Hello! Have you heard of Shabbos? I do this every week! And not just twelve! And not just one meal, often Friday night AND Shabbos lunch! Wow! And I laugh when I hear the Non-Jews stressing over inviting family over for Xmas lunch or whatever ('How many are you having?' '12.' 'WHAT! TWELVE PEOPLE! How on Earth will you cope!!?). Not that I'm looking for more things to cook! (although I do a mean Christmas cake Rich Fruit Cake in November which sits in the fridge getting doused with alcohol for our. This time of year, when I venture into the shop or supermarket or malls, I see all the tinsel and hear the music, and I see all the puddings, panettone, stollen, big weighty fruitcakes and I have a tiny bit of Xmas Envy. And they have all taken it upon themselves after being incited by radical Muslim clerics and interpretations of Koranic verses, to attack infidels wherever and whenever they encounter them, Jews, Christians, in Israel and abroad. No cigars for guessing the answer- they are all Muslims. There was one in the Canadian parliament, and 2 who murdered Lee Rigby in the streets of Manchester, and the shrink who shot up Fort Hood and killed 14 US Army personnel - he was a lone wolf too, despite evidence in his email account where he was pledging jihad against the infidel- and there was the plot to randomly behead an infidel in Sydney which was thwarted, and the Arabs who ran down people waiting at light rail stops and bus stops in several incidents in Israel, and the 2 who murdered 4 rabbis at prayer in Har Nof in Jerusalem, leaving 14 fatherless children, and all of these lone wolves - so many that I don't know if the word 'lone' really applies- have one thing in common. Well, all I can say is that there seems to be a lot of these 'lone wolves' about.
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auckie · 3 years
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I’m so excited for Valentine’s Day it’s like my favourite holiday besides Halloween bc I love heart stuff and chocolate and cards and balloons and flowers and the day afyer is my birthday so you have to give me stuff even if I’m single. PLUS! I like cheesy early 2000s love songs that remind you of spring coming like nelly furtado or Alicia keys or Natasha bedingfield and that gives way to things that remind me of early 2000s teen girl rooms pointed bright green with purple plastic butterfly doorway beads and pink comforter and a boom box playing like sclub 7 or corrine Bailey Rae and painting nails badly at night with the overhead fan on making a rhythmic sound and casting shadows over you and it’s spring and the crickets and window open and you’re reading your friends sisters copy of seventeen even tho you literally don’t care what it says inside!!! AND THEN it’s summer and you’re a kid running around in a pine forest at a camp youre only at bc the owner let you in free bc they’re trying to look like. Diverse and uoure the only mexican jew kid in the whole tristate area and uh I’m getting off track but I REALLT love Valentine’s Day and I’m excited also my birthday is a National
Holiday and then it’s spring so it’s all uphill from here people
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shmisolo · 4 years
Photo
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I wanted to post the things I’ve made this year in one place.  I haven’t posted most of them over here—largely because I’m not tumblring a lot these days.  But I made a lot this year—both visual and written—that I’m proud of and wanted to share it out.  You can find this post also in tweet form here!
Happy 2020, Reylo friends!  It’s been a wild ride of a year, and mine couldn’t have been what it has been without you.
Visual
Alternate TROS Ending Gifset | World Between Worlds Graphic | Padmé quote gifset | Hadestown AU |  Alfa Gifset | ManDADlorian Video | Rey & Dark Rey Gifset 1 | Rey & Dark Rey Gifset 2 | Rey & Padmé Gifset | Rey Gifset 1 | Rey Gifset 2 | Rey Gifset 3 | Rey Gifset 4 | Rey Gif | Trailer Gifset 1| Trailer Gifset 2 | Trailer Gifset 3 | Kylo’s Karaoke Night Playlist | Graphic for lwaboc for @kylorenvevo | Graphic for Heart’s Flight | Graphic for YTCShepard | Gifs for Sugar, Honey, Honey for YTCShepard | Gifs for @sciosophia | Game of Thrones AU Graphic | Luke Gifset
Oneshots
Investiture for @misscoppelia
In which Ben goes to daven for his father’s yahrtzeit and manages to prove to himself once again that he is both a terrible person and a terrible Jew.
Oh and he sort of falls in love.
baby you can drive my car for @talltig
They call them “soulmates.” Probably because it leaves less of a sting in their mouths.
The Kitchen for flypaper_brain
Rey and Ben, hunting for their first house.
alone with a heart meant for you for @nuanceismyjam
Ben orders Grubhub; Rey's car breaks down.
myosotis for @rissanox
Ben picked the flowers for their wedding.
and beyond for @lilithsaur
“Please?”
For a moment, he thinks it will be like the first time, him begging, her crying and saying no and him not knowing how to protect his crushed heart.
But she doesn’t cry, she doesn’t say, “Please don’t go this way,” she doesn’t look horrified or disgusted. She just grabs him by the front of his shirt and tugs his lips down to hers before reaching down to cup his cock.
You, Me, and He for @rissanox, @persimonne, and @misscoppelia
When they say that Kylo's brain is in his groin, they're not far from the truth.
Alternatively,
In which Kylo Ren is his own penis.
Bliss, Balance and Birth for @selunchen​
Ben teaches their daughter to read.
💦💦💦💦
In which Ben accidentally implies that he gets his cardio from having sex on national television.
Favorites for @lilithsaur
In which Matt is preoccupied in getting Daisy the perfect token of his love on this, the two month anniversary of her agreeing to be his girlfriend.
A Trash Triplets AU.
Gotta Get Up, Gotta Get Out | Moodboard
“Listen asshole,” Rey says as she steps through the door of Poe’s deli. “You have exactly as long as it takes me to buy these cigarettes.”
Ben doesn’t waste a second breathing. “Metaphysically speaking, you and I are intrinsically and inexplicably linked,” he starts because there’s no time for beating around the bush and besides, Rey can sniff out a lie like no one else. “And I'm convinced our true purpose is to to connect with each other, if not help save each other's lives.” She’s opening her wallet and handing Poe a ten. “In another world, hopefully you are doing the same for me.”
The Other Thing for @persimonne
That’s what they don’t warn you about, he thinks idly. In his DesEd class, they’d warned him about knots, and heats, and ruts, and nesting. But they’d never warned him that her home would smell so much like her, like everything he’s ever wanted, that he would be unable to extricate himself.
“Can you make it a little more interesting in like...thirty minutes?” he asks her.
She pulls away and he immediately regrets saying a damn word.
“I could make that work,” she replies dryly. “I’ll pencil you in.”
A for... for @loveofescapism
Rey’s seeing double by the time there’s food on her plate. Oh. There’s food on her plate. That’s good. That’s unexpected at this point. “Eat,” Ben tells her.
So she does. It tastes good. Very good. She likes this food a lot.
“I’ll make sure she knows,” Ben says.
Oh she’s at that point of drunk where she’s just saying things out loud instead of keeping them in her internal monologue.
“You are,” Ben says, looking very amused.
She hopes she doesn’t say anything embarrassing.
“I promise, you haven’t yet, but oh boy, I’m looking forward to this.”
She shoves food into her mouth to keep herself from thinking out loud about his dick in her ass at his mother’s Passover seder.
do or do not (do the do)
In which Ben, in an effort to improve his stamina (look he's making progress, ok?) after reading some articles that he'll never be able to unread, receives some coaching (that he very much did not ask for).
(Very much did not ask for.)
(Not) Interested for @thewayofthetrashcompactor, @monsterleadmehome, @destiniesfic, yuktipatipriya
We're bringing Speed Dating back to Space Battles Bonanza! Register online for one of our special Bonanza sessions of 15 three-minute dates so you’ll no longer have to look for love in a galaxy far far away. Choose from one of seven speed dating sessions, two of which are queer focused. If the Insurgents can blow up the Doom Moon in 11 minutes, let’s see if you can make a love connection in only three.
There’s a history of successful Speed Dating at Space Battles Bonanzas, with long-term couples, engagements and marriages now among the alumni.
--
In which Rey & Kylo meet at their fancon's speed dating.
Never Die for @avamarga
Did you ever hear the tragedy of Darth Plagueis the Wise? I thought not. It’s not a story the Jedi would tell you.
Forged for @reyloner
There are several reasons that Ben would never have dreamed he’d ever receive this text. The first is that he’d be invited to a Halloween party. The second is that he’d never in his life expected to be in a serious relationship, much less the sort of serious relationship where his partner would suggest matching Halloween costumes. And the last is that he is dating someone who’s show only and they’ve only almost murdered one another twice. Because he’s an A Song of Ice and Fire fan. He hates Game of Thrones.
and getting caught in the rain for @kylorenvevo
What's the point of going to a family wedding if you're not going to hook up with your newly rediscovered brother's baseball coach?
A Picture's Worth for @selunchen
reyjay: hiya your art is amazing
reyjay: it’s a big ask but could you draw me for my art final tomorrow? i’m shit at drawing people and i can’t fail this. can you help?
He stares.
And stares.
And stares.
kyloren: is this some kind of a joke?
reyjay: no?? why??
kyloren: you’re asking me to help you cheat your exam, but you’re not even offering me money?
Bang for your Buck
“We ready?” he asks her, sounding huffy.
“Nice to meet you Ben, I’m just familiarizing myself with your training,” she replies.
“Ok, well I don’t have all day.”
“No, you have,” she checks her watch, “another hour.” Because of course he’d booked an extra long session. Bless that sweet, sweet overtime pay.
“And you’re sure you know what you’re doing?” he asks her and she glances up at him, sure that her eyes are flashing because that’s fucking rude. She’s a professional. Amilyn wouldn’t have hired her if she didn’t know what she’s doing, and just because he apparently thinks he’s the center of the universe doesn’t change that fact.
“Don’t worry, you’ll get your bang for your buck,” she tells him icily.
Two to Tango
Rey: I need to ask you something awkward. Ben: What’s up? Rey: Can I give you a blowjob? Please?
atlanta > all atlanta > community > missed connections for @sand-its-everywhere
In which Rey meets a cosplayer at DragonCon.
Sonsick (I'll fall for you soon enough) for @jeenonamit & YTCShepard
Sheev and Snoke share a moment at the country club.
A Thousand Words for @monsterleadmehome | Moodboard
In which, some years later, Ben encounters someone he drew for nudes.
Truth and Death written for this year’s @reylofanfictionanthology
Ben opens the box. Inside, he sees the charred remains of a helmet.
------------
She is made of sand-turned-clay, where other moving creatures are made of flesh and blood. Their skin cracks in the dry Jakku sun just like hers, but they are alive in their organs.
Rey is alive in a different way.
It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year written with @jeenonamit | Moodboard
Rey convinces Ben--and his sentient penis--to go with her to a Halloween party.
What could go wrong?
(Working title: "Dicklo 2: Electric BOO-galoo")
Shalom Rav! for @jeenonamit | Moodboard
In which Rey comes to terms realizing that she is attracted to the rabbi.
when the stars and moon align just so for @capaldisrighteyebrow
Songs spoke of red stars on nights that blood was shed. Stars bled too when the great fell. There were no red stars tonight. The stars did not bleed for Snoke.
Would they bleed for Ben?
She swallowed.
Because despite his own words—that he served his master (master, as though he were a draft horse to be yoked and plow the fields of men), that he would give everything to his master, she had seen doubt in his eyes that night, three years ago, when the stars and moon had aligned just so.
oh, my love, don't forsake me (take what the water gave me) for @reyloner and @loveofescapism
Their sabers clashed, humming in the spray, and Rey's heart was in her throat the entire time.
it’s you and me (i know it’s our destiny) | Moodboard
It’s just a kid’s game, he thinks when jealousy pangs in his heart. But it’s more than just a kid’s game.
It’s Pokémon.
It’s the only good thing in his life.
will you come when i call you (i’ll come when you call me) | Moodboard
Surely when Snoke had connected them, he hadn’t connected them like this.  
@reylo_prompts: “Due to the Force bond Rey and Ben always come simultaneously. Now they need to figure out how not to do that since it can result in awkward situations.”
The Sweater Curse for @jeenonamit & @commandercrouton
She’s never made a sweater before, but she saw the pattern on Ravelry and who cares if she’s only made (lumpy) hats before—she has to try it.  She has to make it. She has to make it for Ben.
“You realize that Hannukah isn’t an important holiday, right?” Ben asks as she makes eye contact with him.  His eyes are big and brown and—at this moment—mildly annoyed.
“Really?  Is it a giant conspiracy theory?  Part of the war on Christmas?”
“More than you realize,” Ben says and for the life of her she can’t tell if he’s joking.  He does this thing sometimes that’s confusing—where he’ll say something that sounds mopey but is actually snarky and it disarms her every damn time.  “In any event, ugly Hanukkah sweaters definitely aren’t a thing the way ugly Christmas sweaters are.”
“Well, they are now,” Rey says firmly.  “I’m making you an ugly Hanukkah sweater.  Deal with it. And stop moving.”
Ours Is The Fury for @reyloner & @commandercrouton
Rey was tasked with taking Storm's End for her king. She defeated the Storm King Snoke in the Rainwood, but when she proceeded to the castle itself, preparing for a long siege, things did not go to plan.
Seen ✔️✔️ for @ever-so-reylo | Graphic
His lock screen has three texts from Rey on it:
Rey Wife: Babe I know you’re probably busy right now, but you sent that pic to the wrong chat. Rey Wife: Bennnnnnn Rey Wife: Call me when you’re done processing your trauma.
And then about ninety chats from the Skywalker Ranch WhatsApp thread.
--
In which Ben sends a picture to the wrong chat.
With you, Always for @jeenonamit, @nuanceismyjam, and YTCShepard 
Rey's boyfriend is now a Force ghost but they're sure as fuck gonna try fucking anyway.
Chaptered Fics
we decided not to kill the wolves (we wanted to be wolves) for @nerdherderette | Complete | Moodboard
A pack of wolves lives in the woods to the north of Raddus and as winter looms, they have their eyes set on Leia Organa’s stronghold. Rey may be new to Raddus, but she’s not about to do nothing while it may be in danger. And besides, Poe must be exaggerating about wolves the size of bears. She’s not afraid of monsters.
Carry In My Core (That Voice I Adore) | Complete | Moodboards
Starring in her first opera would be stressful as is, but Rey, always one to outdo herself, just had to go and make things even more complicated with Kylo Ren. It’s hard enough looking him in the eye, much less pretending to be in love with him. She can make it through this. She has made it through worse. She can make it through this.
shadow boxes | Complete
Just because they aren’t together, doesn’t mean they’re not in love.
anyway you want to (anyway you've got to) | Complete
But you know she's getting something other Than the love from her mother
A Porn Challenge in which your author makes Rey and Ben bone their way through the month of February.
words like tomorrow (or future, or fate) for @haloren1st​ & @staticcatfish​ | Complete
One day, Rey wakes in a body that's not her own in a town she's never been to before. Who is Ben, whose body she seems to be possessing, and who woke up in her body? Why are they connected this way?
---
A Your name. AU.
Above us, stars. Beneath us, constellations. for @valsansretour​ | Complete | Moodboard
Ben woke, but Luke’s saber wasn’t ignited. Instead, he saw a master who had shattered his trust, who thought he was a monster, and—worse—he was probably right.
So he fled Yavin IV, to Skywalker’s dismay, and no one heard from him since.
Years later, on a wasteland planet, a girl and a fugitive stormtrooper board a Corellian YT-1300 light freighter in desperation to find they are not the only ones trying to steal it.
Why Don’t You And I Combine for @ever-so-reylo | Complete | Moodboard
Rey’s phone rings while she’s at the farmer’s market. She lets it ring. They have a line and it’s only a few hours, and the girls are at school and it’s just her today, so she doesn’t have enough hands. Rose and Finn and Poe are helping Ben move furniture out of his apartment and into the house. They’re probably calling about something silly, or Ben’s calling to say he’s fully moved in and he’s lying in their bed—possibly with his hand on his cock—and that he’s thinking of her.
— 
In which life continues, grows, and Rey and Ben continue to rebuild their relationship.
A sequel to Let’s Get Together.
The Love Committee for @jeenonamit | Complete | Moodboard
In which Rey, tired of her bad luck with dating apps and failed relationships, enlists her friends' help in determining who she should date next.
They take it a little too seriously.
A Year of Me and You for autonomee | Complete
“After you move in with one another, give yourself six months to like one another again,” Maz says, looking at Rey seriously through her bottlecap glasses.
“I’m not going to fall out of love with—”
“No, no. Not love. Love’s not got anything to do with it, child. Like.”
--
Non-linear vignettes of various length, set during the first year Rey and Ben live together.
Hanging by a Moment for pillar-of-salt | Complete | Mix
There are many things that Ben could have tolerated about his parents’ divorce. That his mother had finally had it with his father’s borderline illegal—or rather, as he liked to put it, borderline legal—company, the shady activities it covered that would doubtlessly end her political career if a reporter got hold of them; that his father had finally had it with the way his mother nags, because sure, he’d thought it was hot twenty years ago, but he is in fact an adult who can actually keep his shit together—all that he would have gotten. He’d have been wrecked, but he’d have gotten it.
His dad leaving his mom for a nineteen-year-old gold-digger though, and his mother not even putting up a fight—that had caught him by surprise.
That had hurt.
Be nice to her, Ben, his mother had said on the phone when he’d spoken to her for the first time in five years. She just lost your father.
Yeah. So did I.
Cupcake Wars | Complete | Fingerpainting + Playlist
Entirely by accident, Rey ends up fucking someone who works for Snoke's Cupcakery. She's just blowing off steam. It doesn't mean anything at all. It certainly won't come back to bite her in the ass.
in nobody's eyes but mine for @ever-so-reylo | Complete | Moodboard
Rey had spent too much of her life feeling as though permanence could only be transient so why bother with it. What was long-term? What was mating? What was home?
the water won’t have ya if the devil’s too blind for @thekesselrun | Complete | Moodboard
That water’s too dirty to wash away your sins.
“They’re not sins. I didn’t commit them against god. There is no such thing as god.”
Then whatever you want to call them. Crimes don’t get washed away by a river.
“It’s a cursed river,” Ben points out.
No, it’s a polluted river. Curses aren’t real. Not like that, anyway.
“Are you really well-actually-ing me?”
Yes, I am. Because you’re an idiot. Some extremely oily and not remotely potable water is not going to be able to remove the guilt you feel about killing your father, turning your back on your mother, murdering hundreds of innocents, and helping the First Order destroy the world. Especially when you knew I wasn’t going to let you die.
In which Ben Solo washes up on shore, very still alive and unsure of what to do next until a passing scavenger offers him a lift on her boat. Who is he now? Who does he want to be?
Apples & Honey for @peaceblessingspeyton | Complete | Moodboard
When Ben catches wind that his mother is planning to foist a potential girlfriend on him when he comes home for Rosh Hashanah, he takes matters into his own hands: specifically, he runs to Rey and asks her to pretend to be his girlfriend.
There Is Another for @kylorenvevo | Complete | Moodboards: Ch 1 | Ch 3 | Ch 7 | Ch 9 | Ch 11 | Ch14
“Mission success?”
“You will be interested in this.”
“Oh?”
Kylo glances back over his shoulder. The girl he had found on Takodana is still deeply unconscious, and will remain so for a long while. He had knocked her out as deeply as he could. She had fired at him the moment she’d seen him, resisted him tooth and nail. He does not want her waking up until he has her properly restrained, and he had not come to Takodana prepared to take any prisoners.
A shiver runs up his spine as he tries to shove away how it had felt, carrying her through that forest.
“Yes.”
“How so?”
The trouble with helmets is he can’t look Kira dead in the eye anymore. He can’t watch her face closely to see what will happen when he tells her,
“She’s you.”
Dear Mr. President | WIP | Moodboards: Ch13
Dr. Dameron shifts and slides a manilla folder across the desk to her. “Under ordinary circumstances, I’d let you keep the folder. I hope you’ll understand why I can’t do that this time around.”
She opens it and stares.
She stares and stares and stares.
Dr. Dameron has to be kidding. There have to be hidden cameras here, this has to be some elaborate prank. That’s why it’s him here and not Dr. Wexley—that was his name. Dr. Wexley.
But instead of getting to her feet and tossing her hair and saying he was cruel for playing with her heart like this, all she does is ask, blankly, “So...Ben Solo is my soulmate? Our new president is my…”
She swallows.
And Dr. Dameron nods.
so long lives this and this gives life to thee | WIP | Moodboard
His smile fades and he falls to the ground, his head hitting the ground with a sharp crack.
“Ben!” The yell echoes around them in the darkness and Rey lurches forward, her hands scrabbling over his face, his neck, trying to find a pulse.
She bursts into tears when she finds it. She doesn’t know why she’s crying. He’s alive.
———
In which Ben's Force Sensitivity—and not his life—was given to save Rey.
a little death (goes a long way) for @talltig | WIP | Moodboard
“That’s good of you,” he replies. “Especially with the O-Negative.”
“It’s a good deal,” she says and he glances up. Yeah, because Omega blood is harder to find. A taste of life, because they almost never survive the turn.
120 notes · View notes
mrbarmecide · 4 years
Text
Genius
I am the graduator
The gladiator
The one who said Fuck a textbook
You need to pick up the one for a cook
And Take a look
I got the raw deal of a meal
The pork and the veal
Cookin out the hot pot in the kitchen
Fuck Free range
Put em in a Nicholas Cage
I'm Spitting bars like its prison
In this new day and age
it's all rage against the vending machine
A machine a computer
The Mind remover
It's a stain
What a pain
Drivin in the Lexus Luther
But Fuck superman
We need the next Dr Martin Luther
King jr
An Albert Einstein
A genius
And someone with who can pull a Steve Jobs maneuver
To do it to em
It's all about progress
Part and Bipartisan
Money drugs and sex
A Natural medicine
But there I go
I digress again
It's been two weeks
I'm Far into the weekend and then
The whole world's depressed again
I'm just looking for a warm body
To compress the breast again
Nevertheless what's lonelier than lesser than
what's the best outcome
For the next chapters debut double LP albumn
is it an amalgam of algorithms set to the rhythm blues
A series of code
Wipe your nose and tie your shoes
slaltt
Nazis and Jews
1942-3002
The events that conclude
Stuck together with glue
It's not about what you can do for me but I for you
That's what he said before his head got all misconstrued
JFK left dead
The suspect ran
fled
While his wife was on some Humpty Dumpty shit trying to put back all the pieces
Jesus piece
Freaks and geeks
Start lifting at the gym for a couple of days
Now you think you're the Chad of the week
Bitch please
Put on a shirt
Brush your hair
Comb your teeth
Sheesh
Practice what you preach
You're like a dog on a leash
Without a master to lead
Wild animal
fiend
You're just the new cancer
Bitch I'm a rare condition
Math niggas blind
Some how still how fuckin wit division
Eels and escalators
Smell the weed in the elevator
IOUs best kept like Halloween candy
Now and later
Savor the flavor of Prue bliss
Bask in it
Pretend it's fine wine
But It's actually piss
It ain't half bad
But it actually is
If you're so accurate
miss
You act like a bitch
Soap on the dish
Plate on the fish
Crinkle crinkle
crinkle knish
Potato knishes and little black squash balls
I fall you fall we fall together
When I die take my writings and put em in a tome
Bound with my human leather
If I can't afford it we'll go with a cheaper more affordable option
Pleather
Never the better
Oh how's the weather
In Wuhan
At the drop of a pawn
Was the fall of Saigon
The gong show
Throatfucked by some bong smoke
What a joke
Dosey doe
Revenge is serve cold
But at the end of the day
I'll just pop it in the microwave
And nuke it
And if it don't taste good I'm gonna speak to Ralph on the porcelain throne
And puke puke puke it
Duke nukem
Dookie booty
Hong Kong phooey
Judi dench
That guy over there on the bench is a good man
Whatah mench
Louis
Gucci
And then three box logos
Fetch me a pint of ale
Wench
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wallpaperpainter · 4 years
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The Hidden Agenda Of Salvador Dali Children | Salvador Dali Children
Fans of the surrealist adept Salvador Dalí will accept the befalling to insolate in his adroitness aback the Dalí Architecture opens aback up to their associates June 24-28 and to the accessible on July 1.
Healthcare workers will accept chargeless acceptance July 1-5 as a acknowledge you for accouterment capital affliction during the coronavirus pandemic.
The architecture appear its reopening in a account absolution that categorical new measures that will be taken and declared that, “following the aberrant cease and challenges that the communicable brought for the Architecture and the community, the Dalí’s ambition in reopening is to accommodate solace, affect absorption and actualize connections.”
Two new exhibits that will be on affectation aback the architecture opens may advice do aloof that.
“Dalí’s Sacred Science: Adoration and Mysticism,” will highlight five, rarely apparent alloyed media pieces from the abiding collection. The allotment are allotment of his after anatomy of assignment and brace images and texts that reflect Dalí’s airy pursuit. It includes Dalí’s Mystical Manifesto and 54 prints that analyze mythology, the Classical Greek and Roman Pantheon, the founding of Israel, Freud’s argument on adoration and 10 images on block fabricated with ink and jewels, presented in a box busy with symbols of algebraic perfection. It charcoal on appearance through Nov. 1.
“At Home with Dalí” appearance portraits of the artisan in his ambiance in Spain during the 1950s and ’60s, taken by photographers Horst. P. Horst, Ricardo Sans, Melitó Casals, Lies Wiegman and Robert Descharnes.
“We accept the arts are a apparatus for transformation,” controlling administrator Hank Hine said in the release. ”
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tipsycad147 · 4 years
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Gemini May World Dracula Day
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By shirleytwofeathers
May 26 is World Dracula Day which commemorates Bram Stoker’s Gothic horror novel Dracula, which was first published on May 26 in 1897, by Archibald Constable and Company in Britain. It sold for six shillings and came bound in yellow cloth with red lettering. It was first printed in the United States two years later, by Doubleday & McClure of New York City. Although not the first novel about vampires, it became a model for the genre, and laid the foundation for future vampire stories, with its introduction of the character Count Dracula.
The quintessential vampire, Count Dracula has inspired tens of films and stories the world over, not to mention the virtual immortality of the character during as a beloved Halloween character. For all of these reasons, it’s undeniable that this icon of horror more than deserves his own little holiday so the world can show its appreciation for his contributions to the worlds of cinema and literature over the centuries. So put on your fangs, and let’s sink out teeth right into this, shall we?
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About The Book
The book follows (spoiler alert!) an English lawyer named Jonathan Harker as he travels to Transylvania to meet Count Dracula at his castle, Castle Dracula. To Harker, Dracula appears pale and off-kilter. The strangeness of Dracula is more apparent after he lunges at Harker’s throat after Harker cuts himself while shaving. Harker eventually finds out that Dracula is a vampire who needs to drink human blood to survive. Afterward, Dracula locks Harker in the castle and flees to England with 50 boxes of dirt (it is believed he needs dirt from his home country to stay healthy). As Dracula heads to England to search for new blood, Harker eventually escapes from the castle.
Meanwhile, Mina, Harker’s fiancée, is visiting her friend Lucy in England. One night, Mina finds Lucy sleepwalking by a graveyard. Mina believes she sees a creature hovering over Lucy for a moment, and then notices two red marks on Lucy’s neck. Lucy becomes sick over the next few days and is then cared for by a Dr. Seward and by Dr. Abraham Van Helsing, before eventually dying. Afterward, strange reports begin surfacing that a creature has been attacking children in the area.
Jonathan Harker and Mina are reunited and married. Harker tells Dr. Helsing about his experience with Dracula, and Helsing then believes Lucy contracted vampirism from him and is the one attacking children. They dig up her corpse, cut off her head, put a stake through her heart, and stuff her mouth with garlic. They then turn their focus to Dracula and try to destroy his boxes of dirt. He escapes back to Transylvania, where they find him buried in the last box of dirt. They cut off his head and stab him through the heart, causing him to collapse into dust.
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The Origins Of Dracula
Stoker spent years researching vampires before writing Dracula. During that time, he was particularly influenced by “Transylvanian Superstitions,” an essay by Emily Gerard that was published in 1885. Stoker worked at the Lyceum Theatre in London from 1878 to 1898. The theater was headed by Henry Irving, who Stoker based Dracula’s mannerisms on. It was even Stoker’s hope that Irving would play Dracula in a stage adaptation, but it did not happen.
According to one theory, Prince Vlad III of Wallachia (Romania) was the real-life inspiration behind Stoker’s gothic horror novel. An extremely cruel and merciless ruler, Vlad earned the nickname “Vlad the Impaler” for the many ways he tortured his opponents as well as people who betrayed him when they were captured. As can be guessed from his nickname, impaling was his favourite method of execution, and it is thought that he killed up to 100,000 people during his reign, and was infamous for the “forests” of impaled victims he left behind when he won a battle. One unsubstantiated account says that he dipped bread in his victims’ blood and ate it in front of them as they died on stakes.
Born in Transylvania in the fifteenth century, he was also called Drăculea, which means “Son of Dracul.” Indeed, his father was known as Dracul, a name that derived from the knightly order he belonged to—the Order of the Dragon (the Latin word draco means dragon). In modern Romanian, drac means “devil.”
It is believed that Stoker picked the name Dracula after learning this more modern translation. Some believe that the only connection between Vlad III and Dracula are their names. The connection of his character with vampirism was made by Bram Stoker around the 1890’s, and has become a permanent element of pop culture since then.
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What does it mean?
Dracula has been interpreted in numerous ways. Some have interpreted the story as an allegory of the fear that western Europeans had of eastern Europeans coming into their area. Hence, the story of someone coming from Transylvania—in Romania—to London and wreaking havoc on its residents. This theme appeared in other novels of the time.
Some have seen the book as a reaction to the conservative and patriarchal norms of the Victorian period, and as an exploration of suppressed sexual desire. Some also have seen the book as being about the relationship between the past and future, with Dracula symbolising a primitive past that challenges modernity.
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The Historical Vampire
The concept of vampirism dates back thousands of years. The ancient Greeks, Hebrews, Egyptians and Babylonians all had legends telling hair-raising tales of demon-like undead creatures that lived off of the blood of the living.
Tales of the undead consuming the blood or flesh of living beings have been found in nearly every culture around the world for many centuries. Today we know these entities predominantly as vampires, but in ancient times, the term vampire did not exist; blood drinking and similar activities were attributed to demons or spirits who would eat flesh and drink blood; even the devil was considered synonymous with the vampire.
Almost every nation has associated blood drinking with some kind of revenant or demon, from the ghouls of Arabia to the goddess Sekhmet of Egypt. Indeed, some of these legends could have given rise to the European folklore, though they are not strictly considered vampires by historians when using today’s definitions.
Hebrews, ancient Greeks, and Romans had tales of demonic entities and blood-drinking spirits which are considered precursors to modern vampires. Despite the occurrence of vampire-like creatures in these ancient civilisations, the folklore for the entity we know today as the vampire originates almost exclusively from early 18th-century Southeastern Europe, particularly Transylvania as verbal traditions of many ethnic groups of the region were recorded and published. In most cases, vampires are revenants of evil beings, suicide victims, or witches, but can also be created by a malevolent spirit possessing a corpse or by being bitten by a vampire itself. Belief in such legends became so rife that in some areas it caused mass hysteria and even public executions of people believed to be vampires.
In India, tales of vetalas, ghoul-like beings that inhabit corpses, are found in old Sanskrit folklore. Although most vetala legends have been compiled in the Baital Pachisi, a prominent story in the Kathasaritsagara tells of King Vikramāditya and his nightly quests to capture an elusive one. The vetala is described as an undead creature who, like the bat associated with modern-day vampirism, hangs upside down on trees found on cremation grounds and cemeteries. Pishacha, the returned spirits of evil-doers or those who died insane, also bear vampiric attributes.
The Hebrew word “Alukah” (literal translation is “leech”) is synonymous with vampirism or vampires, as is “Motetz Dam” (literally, “blood sucker”). Later vampire traditions appear among diaspora Jews in Central Europe, in particular the medieval interpretation of Lilith. In common with vampires, this version of Lilith was held to be able to transform herself into an animal, usually a cat, and charm her victims into believing that she is benevolent or irresistible. However, she and her daughters usually strangle rather than drain victims, and in the Kabbalah, she retains many attributes found in vampires.
A late 17th- or early 18th-century Kabbalah document was found in one of the Ritman library’s copies of Jean de Pauly’s translation of the Zohar. The text contains two amulets, one for male (lazakhar), the other for female (lanekevah). The invocations on the amulets mention Adam, Eve, and Lilith, Chavah Rishonah and the angels—Sanoy, Sansinoy, Smangeluf, Shmari’el, and Hasdi’el. A few lines in Yiddish are shown as dialog between the prophet Elijah and Lilith, in which she has come with a host of demons to kill the mother, take her newborn and “to drink her blood, suck her bones and eat her flesh”. She informs Elijah that she will lose power if someone uses her secret names, which she reveals at the end.
Other Jewish stories depict vampires in a more traditional way. In “The Kiss of Death”, the daughter of the demon king Ashmodai snatches the breath of a man who has betrayed her, strongly reminiscent of a fatal kiss of a vampire. A rare story found in Sefer Hasidim #1465 tells of an old vampire named Astryiah who uses her hair to drain the blood from her victims. A similar tale from the same book describes staking a witch through the heart to ensure she does not come back from the dead to haunt her enemies.
More about Vampires can be found at The Powers That Be.
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How to celebrate Dracula Day
Celebrating all things Dracula why not throw a party and get your friends round for the ultimate film binge. Ideas for creating the perfect atmosphere include giving your party a Gothic feel by making sure all of your decorations are either black or blood red, the table setting is rather sophisticated, everyone is dressed elegantly and wears fangs, hanging up plenty of bat and spider web decorations, and serving plenty of blood red drinks.
It would also be perfect to watch one or more of the classic vampire movies to have been made, such as the 1958 British classic titled simply “Dracula”, and starring the incredibly impressive Christopher Lee as the aristocratic titular character. Other movie choices include “Nosferatu”, a 1922 German expressionist horror film, and “Interview with the Vampire” starring Tom Cruise, Brad Pitt, and a young Kirsten Dunst.
If it’s something more lighthearted you’re looking for, Roman Polański’s “The Fearless Vampire Killers, or Pardon Me, But Your Teeth Are in My Neck” will keep everyone entertained. Lesser known, but equally fun movies include Suck (one of my personal favourites), and Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter.
If you don’t plan on hosting a party, that does not mean you have to miss out on Dracula day—take the time to delve into the world created by Bran Stoker in his acclaimed novel. Reading a good book has never hurt anyone, and in the era social media’s 140-character blurbs of text, it is ever more important to keep the art of literature alive.
If you’ve already read it, consider tackling Anne Rice’s “Vampire Chronicles”, a series of 11 critically acclaimed books that follow influential vampires all throughout history. Stephen King’s “Salem’s Lot”. As you can see, there is no shortage of ways to celebrate the vampires of the world this Dracula Day!
Vampire Magick:
If you get really excited about all this talk of vampires, blood, and the undead, you might even be interested in exploring spells to “become a vampire.” Alternatively, you might want to play around with some protection against vampires spells, vampire prevention spells, or even a peaceful coexistence spell. They can all be found in the Book of Shadows, and Gypsy Magick and Lore.
Sources:
Days Of The Year
Checkiday
Wikipedia
https://shirleytwofeathers.com/The_Blog/pagancalendar/category/may-holidays/
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weekendwarriorblog · 5 years
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WHAT TO WATCH THIS WEEKEND October 18, 2019  - MALEFICENT, MISTRESS OF EVIL, ZOMBIELAND: DOUBLE TAP, THE LIGHTHOUSE, JOJO RABBIT
We’ll see how far I get on this week’s column because I haven’t seen nearly as much as I want to, I don’t have nearly as much time as I’d like to, and I have a lot of stuff to write for my other gig at The Beat. I know… excuses, excuses.
Well, you can probably already guess that I haven’t seen Disney’s MALEFICENT, MISTRESS OF EVIL, starring Angelina Jolie, because I never saw the original movie, and I have only been invited to one Disney movie in three years. (I got into a few thanks to being in the Critics Choice Association and there being awards screenings, but I have zero interest in this, even less in Frozen 2, and I’ll probably just use my AMC A-List to see Star Wars.)
I did see Sony’s ZOMBIELAND DOUBLE TAP, and that I really liked a lot. You can read my full review of this over at The Beat.  I also interviewed director Ruben Fleischer and have an interview with writers Rhett Reese and Paul Wernick waiting in the wings. I’m pretty amazed that the three of them were able to get the whole gang back together, including Woody Harrelson, Emma Stone, Jesse Eisenberg and Abigail Breslin
Let’s just get to what I hope you’re reading this column for... 
LIMITED RELEASES
I’ll admit freely that I just didn’t have as much time to watch stuff the past week as I’d like to, so some of the movies below I just haven’t gotten around to watching but hopefully they’re as good as others have said.
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There are a few “special event” screenings this week, including Kevin Smith’s JAY AND SILENT BOB REBOOT (Saban Films), which screened nationwide via Fathom Events last night and will get another screening on Thursday night. It’s actually not bad, at least compared to his last movie Yoga Hosers. This one is a direct sequel to Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back, which I wasn’t a very big fan of despite liking a few of Smith’s other films like Chasing Amy and Dogma. Reboot harks back to some of Smith’s earlier work with nods to many of his previous films and cameos from almost every actor who has ever worked with him? I also interviewed Jason Mewes for The Beat, and I’ll have an interview with Harley Quinn Smith soon, too.
Also, on Saturday, Bruce Springsteen’s doc WESTERN STARS will get a nationwide screening via Fathom Events. I haven’t seen this one, and I’m not really that big a fan of the Boss, but hey, it’s happening if you’re interested.
The on Tuesday, October 22, you can see Neil Young’s latest movie Mountaintop in a one-night only event via Abramorama, the movie showing Young and his band Crazy Horse getting ready to record their first album in seven years. I haven’t watched it yet, but it’s interesting that Young is letting fans into the process, and I only recently saw Jim Jarmusch’s doc Year of the Dog, so I’m kind of in a Neil Young headspace. This one is directed by Young under his film direction pseudonym “Bernard Sharkey.”
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Another movie worth seeking out this weekend is THE LIGHTHOUSE (A24), Robert Eggers’ follow-up to The Witch, this one starring Robert Pattinson and Willem Dafoe as two men who are sent to care for a lighthouse during a particularly turbulent storm season. Dafoe is a crusty and cranky seadog who really puts Pattinson through his paces, but as the two men are holed up together (and eventually trapped on the location), they each begin their own slow descent into madness. I’ll have an interview with Eggers up at The Beat later today where we talk about the intriguing way he made this film, and it rose out of his frustration with trying to get The Witch financed.
My Interview with Robert Eggers
The movie I was most excited to see this weekend was Taika Waititi’s JOJO RABBIT (Fox Searchlight), since I’ve been a fan of his work going all the way back to when Eagle vs. Shark debuted the Sundance Film Festival. I was really hoping I’d like this enough to feature it at the top of this column, but since it’s not there, you can read my review at the link below to find out why not. Based on Christine Leunens’s novel, it stars newcomer Roman Griffin Davis as Jojo, a 10-year-old German boy in the Hitler Youth who just can’t get his shit together, although he does have an imaginary friend in Adolf Hitler (played by Waititi) who urges the boy on. Injured in an accident, Jojo is homebound when he learns that his mother (Scarlet Johansson) has been hiding a young Jewish girl named Elsa (Thomas McKenzie from Leave No Trace) in the house attic, so he has to figure out whether to report them, or use her to learn more about Jews. You can read my review below to see that I can’t really recommend the movie wholeheartedly, but it will open in New York and L.A. this weekend and you can decide for yourself.
MY REVIEW OF JOJO RABBIT
French auteur Francois Ozon returns with BY THE GRACE OF GOD (Music Box Films), a very serious drama about three grown men (Melvil Poupaud, Denis Ménochet, Swann Arlaud) who team together to expose a priest who molested them as boys but is being protected by the Catholic Church. The story is based on the real French scandal surrounding Cardinal Philippe Barbarin who was convicted earlier this year for concealing the conduct of a preacher, Father Preynat. Ozon is coming off his excellent film Franz and the equally intriguing Double Lover, so he’s definitely upped his game from the sometimes-frivolous earlier fare for which he became known. This is a really tough movie to get through and maybe that made it harder for me to enjoy, but it’s another fine piece of filmmaking by Ozon. It opens at New York’s Film Forum and  the Landmark on 57 and probably in a theater in L.A. as well.
Opening at New York’s Angelika Film Center and the Landmark on 57 is Alexis Michalik’s Cyrano My Love (Roadside Attractions) set in Paris 1897 and dealing with the relationship between playwright Edmond Rostand and actor Constant Coquelin, for what becomes the play Cyrano de Bergerac. And I have absolutely zero interest in seeing this.
Another movie that I saw and absolutely loathed was Jocelyn DeBoer and Dawn Luebbe’s GREENER GRASS (IFC Midnight), a movie that I couldn’t begin to describe except that it takes place in a suburban neighborhood where a yoga teacher has been murdered by a seria killer and all sorts of other strange things are going on. The filmmakers play best friends and soccer moms Jill and Lisa, the latter who borrows the former’s baby, but honestly, the tone of this movie reminded me about the stuff on Adult Swim that I hate such as the Tim and Eric shows and such, where it just seems to be weird for weirdness-sake, and there’s absolutely nothing that kept me even remotely interested. It opens at the IFC Center this weekend.
I still haven’t found the time to watch all of THE CAVE (National Geographic Documentary Films), Feras Fayyad’s follow-up to his Oscar-nominated film Last Man in Aleppo, but I hope to get to it fairly soon, since I was such a fan of that movie. I just need to be right in the headspace to watch this one, if it’s anything like that one.
Apple TV+’s first movie on the streaming channel will be Mark Deeble and Victoria Stone’s THE ELEPHANT QUEEN (A24), a documentary that follows the elephant matriarch Athena, who is forced to protect her family after they leave their watering hole. Although I understand the purpose of this movie to show how climate change is affecting these majestic animals, this one feels very much like something I’ve seen before from DisneyNature and others, so it didn’t really shed any new light on elephants, and it felt very much dummed down for kids. Voiced by Chiwetel Ejiofor, it will get a limited theatrical release this weekend before debuting on the channel November 1.
There are a couple other docs out this weekend, including Barbara Miller’s #FEMALEPLEASURE (Abramorama), which follows five women fighting against their patriarchal societies; Serendipity: The Story of French Artist Prune Nourry (Cohen Media Group) directed by French artist Prune Nourry; opening at New York’s Film Forum on Wednesday is Erin Derham’s doc Stuffed (Music Box Films) about taxidermists, and then there’s Julie Simone and Vicki Vlasic’s doc Fiddlin’ (playing at the Cinema Village) covers the Fiddler’s Convention.
If you’re not quite ready for Halloween, there’s the horror filmTrick (RLJEFilms) from Patrick Lussier (My Bloody Valentine, Drive Angry) about a Halloween party in 2015 where Patrick “Trick” Wever killed a bunch of his classmate and then escaped after being shot five times by a detective (Omar Epps) so everyone thinks he’s dead. But guess what? He’s not!!  It also stars Jamie Kennedy and Tom Atkins.
There are a couple other movies, but the main ones you should know about are above.
LOCAL FESTIVALS
The big one this week, at least in New York, is the Brooklyn Horror Film Festival, which starts Thursday night with Jeffrey Brown’s The Beach House and continues through the weekend with Daniel Isn’t Real, Swallow, and the World Premiere Fessenden’s Depraved: Making Frankenstein a Brooklyn Loft, a making-of doc about Larry Fessenden’s latest.
Starting Friday at New York’s Cinema Village is the Wildlife Conservation Film Festival, which I really don’t know very much about, although they seem to have an interesting selection of nature docs, both features and shorts, none of which I’ve seen.
In L.A., you can catch the Animation is Film Festival starting Friday with animated movies from across the group including I’m anticipating like Makoto Shinkai’s Weathering with You, and White Snake from China, which will be in competition with films like France’s I Lost My Body. There are special events for Disney’s Frozen 2, Netflix’s Klaus, a special screening of the Chinese hit Ne Zhan and Steven Universe the Movie before it hits Apple TV+ on November 1.
Also happenin’ in New York is the Nordic International Film Festival, which is taking place at the Roxy Hotel, in case you wonder why it’s missing from the repertory section below. That’s why.
STREAMING AND CABLE
Steven Soderbergh’s THE LAUNDROMAT will arrive on Netflix this weekend, and you can read what I thought of that in my previous column here.
Streaming on Netflix Friday is Ed Perkins’ documentary TELL ME WHO I AM about the relationship between two twin brothers, Marcus and Alex Lewis. When Alex wakes up after a motorcycle accident, he relies on Marcus to fill him on who everyone else is over the next 35 years, but Marcus may be keeping a dark family secret from his brother to protect him. (It also will open theatrically at the Quad Cinema on Friday.)
Sinister 2 director Ciaran Foy’s new film Eli will start streaming on Friday, about a boy who receiving treatment for an auto-immune disorder who finds out that his house isn’t as safe as thought. It stars Kelly Reilly, Lili Taylor, Max Martini and Charlie Shotwell in the title role.
There’s also the Spanish film Diecisiete (Seventeen) from Daniel Sánchez Arévalo about a 17-year-old named Héctor who forms a bond with a dog as part of a reintegration program at his juvenile detention center. When the dog is adopted, Héctor goes on a journey to rescue him.
One of the exciting debuts on cable this weekend is HBO’s WATCHMEN series, created by Damon Lindelof, and what I’ve heard about the show is that it’s pretty good, taking place in the modern day of the world created by Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons in the comics (which took place in the ‘80s.).
Also, while I haven’t seen it yet, Iranian filmmaker Babak (Under the Shadow) Anvari’s horror thriller WOUNDS will debut on Hulu this weekend, and since I have Hulu, I’ll be able to watch it! It stars Zazie Beetz, Dakota Johnson and Armie Hammer, the latter playing a bartender who has all sorts of weird things happen to him when he picks up a phone at a bar.
REPERTORY
There are a few really awesome repertory series starting this weekend as well as the return of one of New York’s primary midtown rep houses, which has been closed for renovations for most of the summer.
METROGRAPH (NYC):
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Before I get to the Metrograph’s great new series starting this weekend, I want to draw special attention to Metrograph Pictures’ new 35mm print rerelease of Edo Bertoglio’s 1981 film Downtown ’81. This is a really amazing movie that stars late NYC artist Jean Michel Basquiat, and while it does show him doing his graffiti art, the movie isn’t so much worth seeing for its amazing writing or acting but for it being an amazing time capsule of New York in 1981 with performances by Kid Creole and the Coconuts, DNA, The Plastics and other No Wave bands in the year when punk was transforming into New Wave but New York bands were still experimental and arty, doing whatever it took to avoid getting into the mainstream. Metrograph releasing this reissued restored film makes sense as they were one of the first to herald Glenn O’Brien’s cable show TV Party, so if you get a chance, get down to the Metrograph where the movie will be shown exclusively probably for a week or two.
Another exciting series at my local theater as Julie Andrews will be there in person for “Blake Edwards: A Film Selection by Julie Andrews,” celebrating the life and career of her late husband. The series will include That’s Life (1986), Wild Rovers (1971), 10 (1979), the Inspector Clouseau film A Shot in the Dark (1964), 1981’s S.O.B., 1961’s Breakfast at Tiffany’s and a Members Only screening of Victor/Victoria (1982) with a QnA with the actress.  Also, the Academy returns to the Metrograph for its monthly series, this one very Halloween-appropriate, as they’ll be showing Fulci’s Zombi 2 (aka Zombie) from 1979.
This week’s Late Nites at Metrograph is still David Lynch’s Mulholland Dr. (2001) and also, because the Metrograph will make any excuse to show Brian De Palma’s 2002 dog Femme Fatale… they’re showing Femme Fatale again. what gives Metrograph? You now taking cues from the IFC Center by showing the same movies over and over? Tsk, tsk… This weekend’s Playtime: Family Matinees is Brad Bird’s animated classic The Iron Giant from 1999.  Welcome To Metrograph: Redux seems to be taking the weekend off, probably to make room for some of the above.
FILM FORUM (NYC):
The other series I’m really excited about is the three-week “Shitamachi: Tales of Downtown Tokyo” but I get to that, I want to mention that I had a chance to see Yoji Yamada’s Tora-San, Our Lovable Tramp (1969), which plays for two more days, and it’s quite wonderful so definitely try to get to it as this became a very popular series in Japan. Okay, back to the other Japanese series, this one runs for three weeks and it’s co-presented with the Japan Foundation. This weekend, you can see Akira Kurosawa’s Drunken Angel  (1948) and Stray Dog (1949) on Friday and Saturday as well as Ozu’s Record of a Tenement Gentleman from 1947. Sunday and Monday is Kurusawa’s Ikiru (1952) and a couple others. There’s just an abundance of riches including a couple rare prints that were imported from Japan for the series. Apparently, the Film Forum thinks Milos Forman’s Hair(1979) which I just saw at the Metrograph is okay for kids, which is why it’s programmed as this week’s “Film Forum Jr.”
THE NEW BEVERLY (L.A.):
The Wednesday matinee is the classic What Ever Happened to Baby Jane? (1962), while Weds. and Thurs. see double features of P.T. Anderson’s Inherent Vice (2014) with Jacques Demy’s Model Shop (1969). Friday’s matinee is Hellraiser III: Hell on Earth (1992), while the weekend “Kiddee Matinee” is the Disney movie Blackbeard’s Ghostfrom 1968. (I wonder if that will be on the Disney+ service.) Friday night’s midnight movie is Robert Rodriguez’s From Dusk Til Dawnand then Saturday night is an “All Night Horror Show” which is sold out, sadly. Monday’s matinee is The People Under the Stairs (1991), and Monday and Tuesday nights are double features of Tom Laughlin’s The Born Losers (1967) and Billy Jack (1971).
MOMA  (NYC):
It’s exciting news that MOMA reopens NEXT MONDAY, and their first two series are Modern Matinees: Iris Barry’s History of Filmand Vision Statement: Early Directorial Works. The first of these is an attempt to recreate some of the early film programs from the early days of the MOMA Film Library, including a screening of the 1914 film A Fool There Was on Monday, and I’ll write more about this next week. “Vision Statement” begins  with Andrzej Żuławski’s The Third Part of the Night (1971) and Satyajit Ray’s 1955 film Pather Panchali, and Andrey Zvyagintsev’s 2003 film The Return and Jane Campion’s The Piano (1993) both screen on Tuesday.
ALAMO DRAFTHOUSE BROOKLYN (NYC)
I’ll be at tonight’s “Weird Wednesday” Born of Fire (1987), which is almost sold out but has a few seats left. Monday night’s “Fist City” selection is David Fincher’s 2002 movie Panic Room, starring Jodie Foster and a VERY young Kristen Stewart, while “Video Vortex” presents the horror classic A Night to Dismember: The Original Cut. Next week’s “Terror Tuesday” is 1983’s Devil Fetus, and what do you know? Julie Andrews will be there doing a QnA right after showing Blake Edwards’ 1982 movie Victor/Victoria – I wonder where they got that idea (or maybe Ms. Andrews is just doing a tour right now). Next week’s “Weird Wednesday” is the 1993 film Fire in the Sky and RottenTomatoes is hosting a party centered around The Craft (1996), which is already sold out.
EGYPTIAN THEATRE (LA):
Recent Spanish Cinema 2019 continues this weekend so no rep stuff but a couple movies worth checking out are the doc The Silence of Others and the animated film Buñuel in the Labyrinth of the Turtles.
AERO  (LA):
A couple “Facing Off with John Woo” double features with The Killer  (1989) and Hard Boiled (1992) on Friday, and then Face/Off (1997) and Hard Target (1993) on Saturday afternoon. Saturday night is a screening of Woo’s 1990 film Bullet in the Head. Sunday is a Lina Wertmüller double feature called “Swept Away Again by Lina Wertmüller” which isThe Seduction of Mimi (1972) with Love & Anarchy (1973). Tuesday’s “Tuesdays with Lorre” will a 35mm screening of Frank Capra’s Arsenic and Old Lace  (1944).
IFC CENTER (NYC)
Wednesday night’s “Movies with MZS” (aka Matt Zoller Seitz) is John Carpenter’s Prince of Darkness (1987). It doesn’t look like the IFC Center has set its Fall repertory series yet but Friday and Saturday night at midnight you can see the very first official James Bond movieDr. No(1962) and a 4k restoration of Sam Raimi’s The Evil Dead (1981).That said, “Weekend Classics: May All Your Christmases Be Noir” does begin this weekend with Nicolas Ray’s They Live by Night (1948).
MUSEUM OF THE MOVING IMAGE (NYC):
“See It Big! Ghost Stories” continues this weekend with screenings of one of my all-time faves, Tobe Hooper’s Poltergeist, on Friday, and the Japanese horror classic House (Hausu) on Saturday, as well as the 1965 Japanese horror film Kwaidan, plus James Wan’s Insidiouscloses the series on Sunday evening. The “No Joke: Absurd Comedy as Political Reality” continues with 1985’s The Coca-Cola Kid on Sunday afternoon as well as William Klein’s 1969 movie Mr. Freedom, neither of which I’m familiar with. Saturday afternoon is a special screening of Marlon Brando’s 1961 film One-Eyed Jacks with an introduction by William Mann, who wrote “The Contender: The Story of Marlon Brando.”
FILM AT LINCOLN CENTER (NYC):
Freshly recovered from the New York Film Festival, FilmLinc is screening a 25th Anniversary restoration of Béla Tarr’s 1994 film Sátántangó, which also played at the film festival.
LANDMARK THEATRES NUART  (LA):
Oh, it looks like the Landmark has been showing Francis Ford Coppola’s The Cotton Club Encore all week so you can see it through Thursday. This Friday night’s midnight movie is A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors from 1987.
QUAD CINEMA (NYC):
Still showing Serge Gainsbourg’s Je T’aime Moi Non Plus (1976) through the weekend.
Next week, it’s an odds and ends weekend including Deon Taylor’s new police drama Black and Blue, the high-tech horror/thriller Countdownand the historical drama The Current War, starring Benedict Cumberbatch, Tom Holland and Michael Shannon.
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honeylikewords · 7 years
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The Jew Crew does group costumes for Halloween. One year they decided the theme was Lord of the Rings. Everyone assumed David, with his great height and facial hair, would dress as Treebeard -- this giant dork arrives dressed as a hobbit. "... No offense, dude, but what the heck?" Shane says. "I'm a hobbit," David says with certainty. "... Did...did your mother make love to a giant!?" "I'm a hobbit." "Let him be a hobbit, Shane, he likes flowers and eats all the time," BJ says.
THIS IS LITERALLY SO CUTE I STARTED TEARING UP
he’s samwise gamgee, specifically. that’s his favorite hobbit. he wears no shoes and walks around in his woolen cape, his pants too short for his long legs and his shirt a baggy, linen thing. he loves it. he has a little model of sting that he swings around for his friends to see, and BJ laughs and claps for him.
“you’ll teach that shelob a thing or two, won’t you?” “yeah!”
eddie came as gandalf, and he smiles, reaching up on his tiptoes to put a hand on david’s shoulder.
“my, what a striking halfling you are! have you any knowledge of the ring?”
david giggles and shakes his head, and it’s the sweetest thing anyone’s ever seen. they all play along and let him be a hobbit. he deserves it.
frank is aragorn and shane is boromir, and mike is frodo. bj is eomer and monty is gimli because he wanted to brandish an axe.
but the person who loves their costume the most is absolutely david. he even brought a little hobo-bindle package of breads, apples and cheeses for his “elevensies” and he smiles as he sits down and eats them, sharing with his friends, too! because he’s the best boy. he even has a little wooden box of special spices from “the shire” (aka his girlfriend’s kitchen).
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vivitalks · 7 years
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...Another Tag Game
thank u @not-natural-moose-and-squirrel​ for tagging me haha
Rules: Answer all questions, add one question of your own and tag as many people as there are questions (no the fuck way)
1. coke or pepsi: coke
2. disney or dreamworks: honestly i dont really know the difference
3. coffee or tea:  T E A
4. books or movies: books probably. but movies do have a way of showing things Happening that books just can’t quite achieve on the same level so idk
5. windows or mac: ffffrick uh idk??? windows but only bc this laptop is a windows and i dont wanna offend it
6. dc or marvel: Marvel
7. x-box or playstation: we have an x-box so i’ll go with that
8. dragon age or mass effect: ???what is video game???
9. night owl or early riser: night owl
10. cards or chess: CHESS!! my dad made a recurring bet with me that any time i beat him in chess, he’ll give me $100. i’ve only ever beat him once.
11. chocolate or vanilla: chocolate
12. vans or converse: i dont own either but converse
13. Lavellan, Trevelyan, Cadash, or Adaar: ?? cadash because they have the coolest name
14. fluff or angst: fluff with a dash of angst (read: plot)
15. beach or forest: forest i hate sand
16. dogs or cats: dogs
17. clear skies or rain: rain
18. cooking or eating out: i like when my mom cooks but if it were me i’d eat out 10/10 times
19. spicy food or mild food: normal thanks
20. halloween/samhain or solstice/yule/christmas: SEEING AS IM A JEW, IMMA GO WITH HALLOWEEN
21. would you rather forever be a little too cold or a little too hot: aahhh this is hard ill say cold because you can always put more clothes on
22. if you could have a superpower, what would it be: to fly maybe. or to shapeshift because that’s just like a loophole to life am i right
23. animation or live action: definitely live action
24. paragon or renegade: renegade sounds cooler so that
25. baths or showers: showers
26. team cap or team ironman: IRON MAN WAS BEING SENSIBLE AND TRYING TO REPENT I LOVE CAP BUT HE WAS BUT IRRATIONALLY DEFENSIVE OF HIS FUCKING FRIEND OKAY JESUS BE GAY WITHOUT KILLING PEOPLE but i dont really have a strong opinion
27. fantasy or sci-fi: mmmmm fantasy i think
28. do you have three or four favourite quotes, if so what are they: dont ask me this i wont stop talking
29. youtube or netflix: Netflix
30. harry potter or percy jackson: Harry Potter
31. when you feel accomplished: when i do something that i was meaning to do, like homework or chores
32. star wars or star trek: Star Wars by default as ive never seen any star trek
33. paperback books or hardback books: Paperbacks
34. horror or rom-com: ROM COM i hate horror
35. tv shows or movies:  TV shows for almost sure
36. favorite animal: imma go simple and say dogs
37. favorite genre of music: Broadway Soundtracks and Alt Pop (isn’t that what All Time Low is?)
38. least favorite book: GO TELL IT ON THE MOUNTAIN BY JAMES BALDWIN MORE LIKE GO FUCK YOURSELF
39. favourite season: spring or fall or winter or summer idk
40. song that’s currently stuck in your head: Waving Through a Window from Dear Evan Hansen
41. what kind of pyjama’s do you wear: usually any tshirt and sweatpants
42. How many existential crises do you have on an average day: usually like one small one like “why...do people care...so much...about making things Straight...it’s literally so easy to just Not...........why.......”
43. If you can only choose one song to be played at your funeral, what would it be: my first thought was the saddest song i can currently think of which is Words Fail (DEH) but that song makes me cry so not that. probably Little Miss Can’t Be Wrong (been a whole lot easier since the bitch is gone) (im the bitch)
44. Favourite theme song to a TV show: fuck man doctor who i guess???
45. Harry Potter movies or books: books (i haven’t seen all the movies lol)
46. You can make your OTP become canon but you’ll forget that tumblr exists. Will you do it?: nah there’s always fanfiction am i right or am i right
47. Do you play an instrument, and if so, what is it? i mean i play the guitar...badly....
My question: 48. What is the worst way to die?
I’m gonna tag @phans-secret-blog @primaryaftermath aaaand @actually-samirah
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