#handsome plumber

[silenzahra]

Mario 🍄

This post is part of five posts made to celebrate the first anniversary of The Super Mario Bros Movie! Please consider checking the other four posts! 💖

Luigi

Princess Peach

Brotherly love

Fave scenes & other characters

He's so CUTE and COOL at the same time!!!!! 😭😭😭😭😭 I just LOVE how they animated him, he looks absolutely ADORABLE and I just wanna squish those little cheeks of him 🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹 I'm so in LOVE with Mario OMFG I'd gladly and quickly take his hand and follow him to the end of the world if necessary 🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹

Please marry me Mario I love you so so much 😭❤️✨

[fitbearcatcher]

I suddenly need a pipe fixed! Gorgeous 😍

[joelsgreys]

what he didn’t do

Preoutbreak! Joel Miller x Female Reader

summary: You’re very recently divorced, but that doesn’t stop a certain handsome, brown-eyed neighbor from taking you out on a date.

warnings/tags: 18+ ONLY, MINORS DNI. divorced reader, no massive age gap (no specific age is mentioned, but reader is in her early 30’s and Joel is 35) slow burn, 10 year crush kind of deal. reader talks about her past relationship. mentions of food and alcohol. soft, caring Joel. first date fluff.

word count: 5.1k

a/n: so um how are we all doing after today, we still alive out there? 👀 no one asked for this, this fic is purely self indulgent, my lonely single ass is convinced that pre out break Joel would be just the most amazing gentleman on a date, he would be so perfect and just take the best care of you and treat a girl right…so here is what i whipped up.

He’ll treat me right, put me first, be a man of his word

stay home ‘cause he wanted to

always fight for my love

hold on tight like it’s something that he can’t stand to lose

Joel wasn’t all too sure how it even happened.

Earlier that afternoon, he’d gone on over to your place to deliver a piece of mail that the postman had accidentally put in his mailbox instead of yours. While Joel was there, you’d kindly asked him if he could recommend a good plumber that you could call because you had a stubborn leak under the kitchen sink that you needed to get looked at sooner rather than later. Wanting to save you both the hassle and the expense of having to hire someone, Joel had told you to hang tight for a minute and rushed back over to his house, only to return with his yellow toolbox in hand so that he could fix it for you, which he’d done in fifteen minutes flat—and now, just a few hours later into the evening, he was getting himself ready to take you out to dinner. 

And the real fucking kicker of it all was that he had been the one to ask you out, proposing the offer while his head had been buried in the cabinet underneath your leaking kitchen sink. At least that way, if you had rejected him, you wouldn’t have been able to see the look of complete and utter embarrassment on his face. But much to Joel’s surprise, not to mention, his relief, you’d eagerly accepted the invitation and even suggested tonight would be the perfect night if he didn’t have prior plans or commitments.

Hell, even if Joel did have prior plans or commitments, he would have canceled them for you without a single ounce of hesitation.

He’d discovered he would do just about anything for you.

Joel shrugged into the light tan, button up shirt that Sarah had helped him pick out earlier just before he’d jumped in the shower. At thirteen, she lived with her nose buried in fashion magazines lately and she didn’t trust him to successfully choose a proper outfit for the occasion on his own without guidance. It had been well over a few years since Joel had been on a date, as she had so kindly pointed out to him while she’d rummaged around through his mess of a closet. Although he insisted that it wasn’t a date, his teenager had scoffed and called him out on his bullshit. “Well, what else do you do you call it when two single adults go out to dinner together alone?” Sarah had challenged him as she held up a couple of different shirts up against his chest, searching for the perfect one. “Especially when one of those two adults has had the most obvious crush on the other one for what, like ten freaking years now?”

“It wasn’t that obvious,” he’d muttered to her in response. Peering at her curiously, he couldn’t help himself as he had asked her, “Was it?”

“Dad, your crush on her has been about as subtle as a brick to the face.” Letting out a huge laugh, Sarah had shoved the shirt she’d selected into his hands and tossed the losers right back into his closet. “Here, wear this one with those dark jeans, the bootcut ones. Don’t roll up the sleeves like you always do. And for the love of all that is holy, at least make an attempt to run a comb through that hair of yours,” she’d advised on her way out the door, leaving him to it.

Joel sighed and buttoned up the shirt, then tugged on his dark blue jeans and a pair of black leather boots—the only pair he owned that weren’t totally worn down to the soles. He finished getting dressed and proceeded to roll up the long sleeves of his shirt up to the middle of his forearms, tucking in the cuffs as neatly as he could. He could already hear his daughter scolding him over it, but screw it, Joel wanted to be comfortable, especially now that warmer weather had arrived in Austin. 

After rubbing just the slightest hint of his favorite sandalwood cologne on his neck and on the insides of his wrists, Joel finally left his bedroom and made his way downstairs, trying his absolute hardest to pay no mind to the nerves that were threatening to creep up on him. He entered the living room where he found Tommy sitting on the couch with Sarah, a plastic blue bowl of popcorn nestled between the two of them. Sarah, who had been busy shuffling through a stack of movies in her lap, looked up when she heard him walk into the room and narrowed her green eyes at him. “Come on, man! What did I say earlier about the sleeves?”

“You told me not to roll ‘em up. But I chose not to listen to you,” Joel quipped, eliciting an annoyed sigh from her. 

Tommy smirked at him. “So motherfucker, you finally did it, huh? You finally asked her out on a date.” His smirk widened. “Only had to wait, what, about ten fuckin’ years?”

Joel glared at his younger brother. “How did you even—?” He stopped abruptly and his dark brown eyes flickered over to Sarah, who shot him a guilty smile from where she sat. “Really? You just had to tell him?”

“Sorry,” she apologized, sheepishly. “It slipped.”

“Damn, big brother. Y’know, word on the street is that she just signed the divorce papers at the courthouse earlier this week,” Tommy remarked, taking a swig from his bottle of Lone Star as he leaned back into the couch. “You’ve got some real big fuckin’ balls to ask a freshly divorced woman out on a date that quick. I’ve gotta admit that I’m actually pretty fuckin’ impressed with you, Joel. Didn’t think you’d have it in you.”

“It ain’t a date,” Joel muttered out the lie, picking up his keys from the coffee table. “We’re just goin’ out to dinner is all.”

“That’s a date,” Tommy and Sarah stated together in unison.

Joel let out a heavy sigh, deciding that it was better for him to ignore their antics rather than to play into them. “You.” He pointed an index finger at Sarah. “Might not be school night, but I don’t want you stayin’ up too late. And you.” He turned his attention to Tommy. “I don’t want you havin’ any of your little female friends over while I’m out tonight, especially not while Sarah is home. That understood?” 

“Yes dad,” both their voices chirped together once again. 

Rolling his eyes, Joel bid them a quick goodnight and left the house, making his way across the lawn and over to your place. You lived in the smaller, single story yellow house right next door to his.

You’d moved in next to Joel and Tommy several years ago—Sarah had still been a toddler then and he had just started getting used to life as a single father. Joel would never forget the first time that he laid his eyes on you. He had been in his driveway, taking a look under the hood of his old truck, a hunk of garbage Ford Ranger from the nineties that he’d finally gotten rid of a couple years back and replaced with a Chevrolet Silverado instead; it hadn’t been much of an upgrade, but at least it didn’t break down on him as often. Joel had noticed a moving van in the driveway of the house next door, but he hadn’t given it a second thought. He had been so engrossed in what he’d been doing, but at some point, he looked up from the engine and turned his head at the precise moment that you happened to walk by with a cardboard box in your arms. You’d caught his gaze and offered him what had to be the most beautiful smile he had ever seen in his entire fucking life. Joel had just set his wrench down and was about to head over to offer you some help when a man emerged from the back of the moving van with another box. He gave you a quick kiss on the cheek as he led the way into the house. 

Turns out, that man had been your husband.

To say Joel had been sorely disappointed by the fact that you were married had been an understatement to say the least.

It hadn’t taken all too long before Joel met his new neighbors, although he often saw more of you than he ever saw your husband—the man traveled across the country for business and he would be gone for several days, even several weeks at a time. You were a homemaker and to help make life a little less mundane, you’d started something of a daycare in your home, offering to help fellow neighbors who needed someone to watch their younger children during their nine to five work schedules.

When Joel found himself putting in a brutal number of hours in at his construction job, he had struggled to find someone who was willing to look after his then three year old for such extended periods of time. You’d happily volunteered to help him out and you would watch Sarah from sunrise to about sundown for him without a problem. When she started kindergarten two years later, you continued to help Joel out, going as far as taking her to school for him and then picking her up afterwards. You’d never had any children of your own, but you still had maternal instincts, and as Sarah grew up, whenever she would need a woman’s guidance, she would go straight to you without hesitation and you were always there for her no matter what, no questions asked. 

Joel couldn’t have been more grateful for you.

He’d seen and spoken to you just about every day for the last decade—he’d even go as far as saying that the two of you were good friends, though since day one, he found himself longing for a hell of a lot more than just your friendship. Joel had thought he would have to shove his true feelings for you down for the rest of his natural born life, that is, until several months ago when he’d noticed the moving truck parked in your driveway one late afternoon as he and Sarah came home from one of her soccer games. Nearly in tears, Sarah had immediately hopped out of the pickup before Joel could even cut the engine and ran over, demanding to know why you hadn’t told her that you were moving—that’s when you fessed up and explained to her that you weren’t going anywhere, but your husband was.

Through whispers in the neighborhood, Joel discovered that you had filed for divorce and although no one knew the exact reason why, many suspected it had been your husband’s constant traveling for work that had done it. Denise, the nosy blonde woman who lived across the street from him swore up and down that he must have had some kind of adulterous affair behind your back—Joel simply told her she needed to lay off her dramatic daytime soap operas. 

Regardless of the reason why, you were now officially single.

And Joel was taking you out to dinner.

Whether it was an actual date or not, that hadn’t exactly been established. 

He made it up the front porch and inhaled a deep breath, exhaling it slowly through his nose before he knocked on your front door. When you opened it just a few seconds later, all of the wind had been knocked out of his lungs by an invisible force.

You wore a sky blue sundress with a sweet, white floral pattern printed all over it. Thin straps tied together at your shoulders and the hem of the skirt fell right to the middle of your thighs revealing a lot more of your silky smooth legs than he had ever seen before. You’d kept your makeup fairly light, and your hair fell loosely and naturally around your shoulders. Joel noticed you wearing a silver necklace, a butterfly pendant hanging from the chain. He recognized it, because he’d bought it for you, although it was Sarah who had gotten all the credit. She had given it to you as a gift for your birthday that passed by a few months ago. 

“Hey!” You beamed at him. “You’re right on time.”

“Hey.” Joel swallowed dryly. “You look really beautiful.”

You smiled shyly. “Thank you. You don’t look so bad yourself,” You returned the compliment, admiring the way the sleeves of his shirt hugged his biceps. “I have to hand it to you, you definitely clean up well, Joel.”

“Next time that you see Sarah, you’d best thank her. She deserves the credit,” he stated, eliciting a small laugh from you. “Are you all ready to go?”

You nodded, grabbing your purse and keys from the small glass table beside the door. You stepped out onto the porch, closing the door behind you; after making sure that you’d locked it properly, you followed Joel across your front lawn and over towards his driveway. He led you to the passenger’s side of his dark blue Silverado and opened the door for you, holding his hand out to help you climb up into the seat. The gesture prompted you to shoot him a strange look.

He frowned a little. “What’s the matter?” 

“No, nothing,” You quickly assured him. You placed your hand in his larger one, the contact causing a jolt of electricity to shoot up the length of your spine. 

Joel helped you up into the truck and closed the door before making his way around the front of the vehicle and climbing into the driver’s seat. He shoved the key into the ignition and the pickup roared to life. He watched as you put on your seatbelt and then reached out, giving it a tug to make sure you were buckled in well enough. “Just makin’ sure you’re safe is all,” he uttered softly as you tossed him another puzzled glance. He reached over his shoulder for his own seatbelt and buckled it in before finally pulling out of the driveway. 

Out of his peripheral vision, Joel could see you wringing your hands together in your lap in something of an anxious manner—were you nervous?

In an effort to comfort you and ease the nerves, Joel reached out and turned up the volume of the radio. He normally kept it on his favorite country station and was just about to ask what station you preferred when you let out a tiny, excited gasp and turned to him, a radiant smile breaking out onto your face. 

“Oh, I love this song!” You told him, bringing your hands together in an enthusiastic clap. You then started singing along to the familiar lyrics. “Heads Carolina, tails California, somewhere greener, somewhere warmer, up in the mountains, down by the ocean—”

Joel turned briefly, raising an eyebrow at you. “Nineties country fan, huh?”

“Duh,” You replied playfully. “Nineties were and will probably always be the golden age of country.”

He grinned, turning his attention back onto the road. “I knew there was a reason I liked you.”

Biting back another smile at his words, you turned to look out of the window, nodding your head and tapping your foot along to the beat of the song as you watched the streets of Austin pass by in a blur of lights and people. 

Joel had chosen to take you to Antonio’s, a locally owned Italian place that was somewhere between casual and upscale dining. “Wait,” he told you, noticing you reaching for the door handle as soon as he’d parked in front of the restaurant. He jumped out of the driver’s seat and walked around, opening the door for you. Just like when he’d helped you into the truck back at his house, he offered you a hand to help you out of it. He kept his dark brown eyes on your feet, making sure you that didn’t fall or lose one of the brown sandals you were wearing. “Careful.”

“Thank you,” You said kindly to him as he closed the door behind you. Your breath hitched in your throat when you felt him place his hand on the small of your back as he ushered you inside of the restaurant where a hostess led you to a small, round table out in the back patio. You thanked her and reached for your chair, but Joel instantly stopped you.

“Let me,” he insisted, pulling it out for you. He helped you into the chair and noticed you give him another strange look, similar to the ones you’d given him when he’d helped you into the truck and when he’d checked your seatbelt. “Why do you keep lookin’ at me like that? Do I have somethin’ on my face or what?” He asked jokingly as he took his seat across from you. 

You hesitated, but then confessed, “I’ve never had someone pull my chair out for me. I’ve never had someone open the car door for me or make sure I’m wearing my seatbelt.” You offered him a small, sheepish smile. “You don’t know how nice that is, Joel.”

Joel stared at you in complete disbelief.

Before he could say anything, a younger waitress appeared at the table to take yours and his orders for beverages. “I’ll just have a cabernet, please,” You ordered, politely. Not wanting to be the asshole who ordered a beer at an Italian place, Joel asked her for a glass of red wine too. She returned moments later with the drinks and then offered to take your orders for food. Both you and Joel decided on a chicken penne pasta dish that looked absolutely delicious. As soon as the waitress took your menus and disappeared back inside, you looked up at Joel and noticed his eyes were fixed intently on you. You felt a slight heat flood your face. “What is it?”

“Nothin’,” he answered, shrugging his shoulders innocently. “You just look really beautiful, that’s all.”

“You said that already,” You reminded him, letting out a breathless little laugh.

“I know.” Joel picked up his glass of wine. He took a quick sip before adding, “But someone as pretty as you deserves to hear it over and over again.”

The night went by fast, much too fast.

One minute, you were both enjoying your dinner and digging into delicious pasta, and the next, the table had been cleared completely, and so had all the other tables surrounding you—you two were the very last patrons in the restaurant. You and Joel had been so lost in conversation that neither of you had realized it was almost eleven and the restaurant was about to close in five minutes. 

“We’ve been sitting here talking for three hours,” You gasped lightly.

Joel chuckled. “Time flies when you’re in great company.”

You looked the bill on the table, which the waitress had dropped off over an hour ago, and reached for it, but Joel was quick to snatch it away from you. 

You pinned him with a stern look. “Come on, Joel! You fixed my kitchen sink for free, paying for dinner is the least I could do—”

“A lady never pays on a date.”

Your lips parted slightly in pleasant surprise. “Oh. So this is a date?”

Joel laughed as dug his brown leather wallet out from the pocket of his jeans. “I mean, it doesn’t have to be a date if you don’t want it to be. But I still ain’t lettin’ you pay.”

“I do.” You told him softly after a minute. “I do want it to be a date,”

Joel’s eyes met yours across the table and he smiled, looking relieved. “Good. ‘Cause I would’ve been kinda crushed if you’d said otherwise.”

He dropped a couple of twenty dollar bills on the table and stood up. He noticed you about to do the same when he shot you a warning glare.

“Oh. Right.” You giggled and waited until he stood up and held his hand out to you, helping you out of your chair.

As the two made your way out of the restaurant and out to his truck, Joel didn’t let your hand go.

“Thank you again for inviting me out to dinner tonight,” You said sweetly as Joel walked you up the porch steps to your front door. You rummaged through your purse and pulled out your house keys, pausing for a brief moment as you peered shyly up at him through your eyelashes. “Would you like to come in for a drink?”

Joel’s heart skipped an anxious, but eager beat. “I think I’d really like that.”

You turned back to your door and your hand trembled slightly as you jammed the key into the keyhole to unlock it and judging by the way Joel let out a soft chuckle beside you, you were certain that he’d noticed it. You pushed the door open, closing it behind you once the two of you had slipped inside. Setting your purse and keys down, you gestured for him to follow you into your living room where you nodded for him to have a seat on the dark blue velvet couch before you walked towards the kitchen. “What’s your poison?” You called out to him over your shoulder as you began rummaging around in your cabinets for two glasses. 

“I’m partial to scotch,” he called back. He then added, “If you’ve got it, of course”

“How do you take it?”

“Neat’s just fine.”

You giggled as you prepared a glass of scotch for him and a glass of red wine for yourself. “Oh you’re just so classy, aren’t you Miller?” Before anything, you did a quick mirror check in the stainless steel toaster on the kitchen counter, making sure that not a single hair was out of place. You then took a deep breath, picked up the glasses, and walked back out into the living room. Handing Joel his glass, you took a seat beside him on the couch; you sat close to him, so close that his arm was pressed against yours. Somehow that wasn’t even remotely close enough. You wanted to be closer and hoped he felt the same. 

“By the way, thank you again for fixing the sink for me,” You told him after taking a sip of your wine. “You probably saved me a couple hundred bucks.”

“Oh, it’s nothin’ really,” Joel reassured you. He nudged your arm. “If you ever need me to take a look at anythin’ around the house, please don’t hesitate to call me. I don’t want you reachin’ out to plumblers and electricians, those crooks will see a sweet little lady like yourself and see nothin’ but fuckin’ dollar signs. I don’t want anyone takin’ advantage of you, so when you’ve got a problem, you call me first alright?”

You gazed down into the burgundy depths of your glass, a small smile tugging at the corners of your lips. “I really appreciate that, Joel.” You brought yourself to look up at him, admitting, “Now that I’m living alone, it worries me. Having to take care of this house all by myself.” 

Joel gripped his glass tightly, a hesitant expression on his face. “Can I ask you somethin’?”

“Of course.”

“You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to. And if it offends you in any way, you’re more than welcome to just give me a good kick in the—”

“Joel!” You rolled your eyes, shaking your head at him. “Just ask me the damn question already.”

“What happened between you two?”

The smile on your face faded away, but you didn’t seem upset at him. “Well, what all have you heard?”

Taking a sip of his scotch, Joel shrugged. “Couple of rumors here and there, but I ain’t the type to believe in gossip. Would rather hear the truth from the source.”

“What did Mrs. Adler have to say about it?”

He snorted into his glass. “That you two probably could have saved your marriage had you just gone to church.”

You couldn’t help but laugh—Mrs. Adler was nice enough, but that woman could really be something else. She was always telling people they had to get right with Jesus. 

“So?” Joel prompted you. “What did he do?”

You sighed and turned your body slightly, angling it towards his. “He did quite a bit. Put me through hell, to be honest with you. But you know, I’m not the type to air someone’s dirty laundry. So, I’m not going to tell you what he did.” You paused, your fingers lightly tapping the sides of your glass. “But I’ll tell you what he didn’t do.”

Joel nodded silently, but in understanding.

“He didn’t treat me right. He didn’t treat me the way I deserved. He never wanted to spend time with me. He never wanted to be home with me, which is all I ever wanted from him. He’d travel so much for work, and when he would finally come back after being away, I would be so excited to just be with him.” You scoffed bitterly at the thought of it. “The minute he landed, he would drop his luggage off and head straight to some bar with his buddies. All I’d want is for him to just stay in with me for a night, watch a movie with me, talk with me because I missed him so much while he was gone. But he never chose me. He would never put me first, no matter how many times I asked.” You shrugged and leaned over, setting your glass of wine down on the wooden coffee table before leaning back into the couch. “It probably sounds really stupid but—”

Joel placed a hand on your bare knee, causing your flesh to erupt in goosebumps. “It doesn’t sound stupid at all.”

Finding a bit of courage, you placed your hand on top of his and continued on, “He never made me feel like I was someone worth fighting for, you know? Like my love was something worth fighting for. He made me feel like nothing, Joel. It got to the point where sometimes I believed it—I felt like I was nothing.”

Joel gave your knee a gentle squeeze. “I sure as hell hope you don’t feel that way now,” he said, his lips tugging down into a frown. “Because you’re fuckin’ everythin’.”

Your eyes flickered up to meet his and you had to silently remind yourself to breathe.

Leaning over, Joel set his glass down on the coffee table right beside yours. He turned to you and lifted his hand, touching the side of your face, his thumb delicately sweeping over the silky skin of your cheek. “A woman like you deserves the world and nothin’ less. You know that, don’t you?”

“Joel?” You whispered out his name, your heart racing in your chest at a rate that you were certain had to be much too fast for the human body to withstand. 

“Yeah?”

“Can you please kiss me?”

Joel’s hand cradled your face gingerly as he obliged, leaning in so his lips could meet yours in the kiss that he’s been aching to give you for the last yen years. He was gentle and he was sweet with it, but after a minute, he found himself lightly nipping at your bottom lip with his teeth, silently asking permission for more. He felt your lips part slightly against his and he eagerly deepened the embrace, his hand moving to the back of your head while his other found your bare knee again.

Another wave of courage washed over you and you placed your two hands on his chest, pushing him back against the soft, velvet fabric of your couch. You swung a leg over both of his and straddled his lap, your hands now clutching fistfuls of his shirt. 

Joel’s own hands went to your hips and he groaned into your kiss.

You pulled away from him, the tip of your nose lightly touching his as the two of you struggled to catch a breath.

“Let me be the one to treat you the way you deserve,” he murmured after a minute, lifting one of his hands to brush your hair back behind your shoulder; his fingertips lightly brushed against the strap of your dress, and it took every ounce of strength he had in him not to pull it down your arm. “Just give me the chance and I’ll hang the moon for you, darlin’—hell, for you I’ll hang the entire fuckin’ galaxy.”

Your heart swelling at his words, you grinned just before pressing your mouth to his once again. 

“I’ll take that as a yes,” Joel chuckled with a smile against your lips.

You clung to him with fervor, kissing him with a passion that had the both of you seeing stars. Your hands were everywhere, touching, feeling anything part of him you could, eliciting another groan from him as you started grinding down into his lap. Your fingers went to the buttons of his shirt, desperate to feel more. 

“Whoa, whoa.” Joel caught both your hands in his and let out a breathless laugh. “Hey. Slow down, sweetheart.”

You looked at him with wide eyes. “Oh I’m sorry, I-I thought you wanted—"

“Oh I do want it, trust me. Pretty sure you can feel how much I want it.” Joel chuckled again, knowing damn good and well that you could feel how hard he’d become for you as you sat in his lap. His hands toyed with the hem of your sundress. “Seein’ you in this dress all night, trust me I want nothin’ more than to have you right here, right now. But I like you way too fuckin’ much to risk messin’ this up by movin’ too fast.”

You pouted at him. 

“Oh c’mon darlin’ put that lip away.” Joel lifted his hand, taking your chin between his thumb and index finger. “All I’m sayin’ is that we ain’t gotta rush this. Trust me, you’ve got me hooked already and I don’t plan on goin’ anywhere, alright?”

You almost groaned out in frustration.

He just had to be a fucking gentleman when it came to sex, too.

You sighed in defeat, resting your hands lightly on his chest. “Fine,” You relented with a tiny eye roll, causing him to grin in amusement. You playfully poked his sternum. “But if you don’t fuck me senseless by the third date, we’re going have a problem, Miller.”

Joel groaned, feeling himself grow even harder at the way such a filthy statement had come out of a woman with the face of an angel. “Keep talkin’ like that and you’re goin’ to make it impossible for me to wait that long.”

“Maybe that’s the goal,” You winked at him.

“Just stop talkin’ and c’mere.” He pulled you forward, fusing your mouth to his once again.

[bluecollarmcandtf]

My Mall Santa

This is Christian. Right now he's suiting up to work as my Santa for the next few days, but that wasn't what he came in here to do. This guy walked into my mall and began yelling at me for running out of a certain item he wanted to buy; it was some fancy necklace for his fiance. I explained that specialty jewels like that get sold out fast this time of year, but he shot back with his own entitled arguments.

"Do you know who I am?" he yelled, "I'm not some plumber looking for a dime-store watch! Just show me to the high-end stuff!"

By that point, the whole jewelry store was staring, so I quietly relented, "Fine sir, follow me. Hopefully, we can find something for you."

I led him to the back, but I knew he didn't deserve a fine quality necklace, and his fiance didn't deserve a jerk like him. Sure, Christian was quite the catch; handsome, assertive, and obviously rich. Just a glance at him would give that away...

...but my Santa called in sick that morning, so I'd been waiting all day for some asshole to test me and see what happens. Christian was about to discover my favorite hobby, hypnosis.

Once we were in the privacy of the storage room, I pulled out the crowned jewel of my collection. It was a long pendant with a single red ruby weighing the chain down. It caught the light in the darkest of rooms, and it quickly soaked in all of Christian's attention.

The guy had no idea what this necklace was capable of. He didn't notice as his breaths drew longer or as his head dipped lower. I doubt he even noticed that I started speaking to him, "You shouldn't be so rude to strangers. I'm going to use you for a while, but when I'm done, you won't be rude to anyone ever again."

"I won't be rude to anyone ever again..." he repeated. His intense stare continued to burn into the ruby.

"That's right, but for now, you're just going to get dressed and be my Santa, got it?"

"Yes, get dressed and be your Santa..."

I smiled and peeled the pendant from his gaze. It took him a moment, but he shook off the hypnosis and straightened himself up.

Christian's brow furrowed in confusion as he stumbled on his words, "I'm sorry about my outburst...uh...I'm going to be your Santa?"

"That's right big guy," I clapped him on the back and shoved an old cardboard box into his arms, "Get changed and meet me out front. Hurry up, there's already a line of excited kids waiting to sit on your lap!"

Christian cringed at the mention of children. He was clearly not a family man, but nevertheless, he unfolded the box and pulled out the old Santa suit. He looked at it with disdain, but got to work taking off his dressy clothes like I'd instructed, shoulders slumped in defeat.

Walking back out into the bustling mall, I searched for some more guys I could recruit. The line to see Santa was getting long, and I didn't want to be the one managing all those snot-nosed kids and their grumpy parents. It didn't take long before I found a pair of arrogant jocks laughing at the little kids. Those two would be perfect as Santa's helpers...

I lured the two of them into the back under the pretense that they would get some free merchandise. Overly-confident athletes like them were almost too gullible. The only thing that finally stopped their dumb snickers was the ruby pendulum. Their smiles faltered as their eyes locked onto the swinging gem.

"You two are going to shut up and be Santa's little helpers, understand," I commanded.

"Yes," they repeated, "We will shut up and be Santa's helpers."

I smiled and dropped the necklace, breaking their trance. The two jocks seemed alarmed as they realized they could no longer joke around with each other. They couldn't do anything other than while out their arms and accept the two sets of costumes I handed to them.

"Put them on, boys," I added, "And remember to keep those big mouths shut. Just keep the kids in line and let Santa do the talking!"

It wasn't long before I finally got Santa and his Elves out on the floor, ready to finally satisfy that long line of waiting families.

Santa might have looked a little different than most kids would have expected, and the elves certainly looked like they hated their lives, but what else can you expect from a mall Santa?

Christian endured each and every child that sat on his lap, mumbling their wishes in his ear. By the end of the day, his legs were sore and his Santa costume was sticky: probably from candy and whatever else was in those kids' fingers.

The two jocks were perfect as elves, waiting quietly behind Santa until they needed to usher a child to and from the big guy. A few of their university mates might have spotted them dressed up as Santa's helpers. I'm pretty sure they laughed hysterically when they saw the two of them, capturing as many photos as they could.

"Alright, today's shift is over!" I announced to them gleefully.

"I'm never doing that again," one of the elves grumbled as he shoved off his costume.

"Actually, you'll be back tomorrow!" I reminded, "You might want to wash your elf clothes, because you'll be here all day again!"

The two jocks pouted and stormed away. The mall was closing down but I was confident the two of them would report back bright and early for another long day of elfwork.

"Crap, I'm late for dinner with my fiance," Christian suddenly stood up in alarm, still wearing his heavy Santa costume.

I pulled the ruby out of my pocket and held it in front of my mall Santa, "Forget about her. You're going to drive me back to my place and be my personal Santa for the night."

With his eyes glued to the red gem, Christian repeated, "I'll forget about her and drive you to your place. Tonight, I'm your personal Santa."

"Good Santa," I patted his head, "And I want you to laugh and talk like Santa would in the movies. That'll really sell the Christmas magic!"

I smiled as Christian woke up from the brief trance. Again, he looked confused but didn't hesitate to grab my hand and lead me to his car. "Ho ho ho!" he bellowed in joyful laughter as he gazed at me, twinkle in his eye.

All I wanted for Christmas was Santa, and for tonight, I could do whatever I wanted with him...

[hookedonhuge]

A Hot Pipe Dream

Ding Dong!

You opened the door and staring back at you was a handsome beast of a man. Thick beard, big arms, and a large chest that pushed against his tight shirt. It must be the plumber!

“Umm… hi, I’m – I mean you must be umm… come in.” You completely stumbled over your words, intimidated by the aura of the large man in front of you.

“What do you want me to come in?” The plumber said with a confident smirk. His lewd joke made you even more flustered.

“The kitchen… umm the pipes – I’ll show you.” You avoided eye contact and quickly turned around to head for the kitchen. You rushed off to the kitchen, not even paying attention to whether he was following behind you or not. You opened the cupboard beneath the sink and pointed to the pipes, still too flustered to look back and meet his powerful gaze. “Yeah we’ve just got a blocked pipe, umm… in the pipes, yeah…”

There was no response. Had you just been talking to the air? You turned around to try and find the plumber thinking that he might have gotten lost behind you. What you found was two hairy, meaty pecs staring directly at you.

“My eyes are up here.” He laughed.

“I’m so sorry!” You said quickly shifting your gaze from his chest to his intense eyes. Your face turned beet red; he seemed to be enjoying making you embarrassed.

“Don’t be shy!” He said as he cockily bounced his pecs. “Nothing strange about two men working on a long, hard pipe together.”

“Together?” What an odd choice of words, you certainly weren’t planning on helping.

“You’re right, I think you’ve got this pretty well covered yourself.”

Without even realising it, you had bent over to investigate the pipes yourself. Your body felt heavy and your brain was foggy. Suddenly there was a weighty tool belt around your waist, and you were only wearing shoes, socks and a pair of tight white underwear!

You looked back to the big man in confusion. “What is going on?”

“You’re fixing the blockage, of course.”

“But I don’t know how.”

“Well if you want to be a plumber then you need to look like one.”

What did a plumber look like? Well this plumber had big strong muscles. And don’t plumbers usually have their big, hairy ass crack hanging out of their pants?

As you thought this you felt thick, dark hair burst out of your smooth lower half. Then, your underwear got even tighter as your cute little ass started inflating. It was like someone had stuck a needle between your cheeks and was pumping you up like a bike tyre. Your underwear started to look more like a thong with every passing second until your fat cheeks tore through the fabric completely. 

It wasn’t just your butt, your whole body was growing. Your arms, chest, back; they all now bursted with strength. Even your feet outgrew your socks and shoes.

“You look much more like a plumber now!”

You felt like a plumber too. Your head started to clear and it seemed like bending over with your ass out to look at pipes was your natural position. It was like you had been there so many times and you knew exactly what to do to fix those pipes.

“Boss, I haven’t seen a pipe this clogged in a while.” The big plumber got down behind you to investigate what was happening. He rested his chest on your back with his powerful hand on your big, hairy, wobbly butt for support.

“You know I’ve got a special tool that’s perfect for getting into tight pipes like these.” You felt his warm breath against your neck as he said this. “It might look too big to fit in, but trust me, it always gets in there and gives these dirty pipes a good clean.” 

“Can you give me this tool, boss? Please boss, I need it. It will be perfect to fit in this tight hole.”

“It’s not easy your first time, so let me help you.” He leant further over you in order to reach his hand under the sink. You both grabbed hold of the tool and stuck it into the entrance of the clogged pipe.

It took a couple of thrusts but you two eventually slipped the tool into the pipe. “Ah, it’s in!” You exclaimed, letting out a laboured breath. “But it won’t go any deeper.”

The plumber started to lend you more of his strength and took control of the thrusting. With each thrust his body pushed forward into yours. “So close! I can feel it’s so close!” He sped up his pace. “Just a little deeper!”

It felt like a volcano erupting when the two of you finally hit the right spot. A jet of liquid bursted out of the pipe but the plumber’s quick hands were able to reseal it before it got everywhere.

You panted in exhaustion. “Thank you so much, I really needed that!”

“No need to thank me, you did most of the hard work today.” He gave you a strong, friendly slap on the ass. “You will make a great plumber.”

You blushed. “I’ll see you at work tomorrow, boss.”

[oliveisme533]

My dad's neighbor is a dilf

Chapter 2

Joel Miller x you

Summery: You had decided to spend your summer in Austin with your dad. You used to spend almost every summer there, but hadn't spent a summer there since you were a teenager. Which means you hadn't seen a certain Joel Miller in years..

Warnings: Verbally abusive boyfriend. Talks of mental health and self harmI will put a sign for what paragraph to skip if you want to avoid that content

Of fucking course Ben would call you... your rub your temple and groan. "It's too late for this shit" you mutter to yourself and flick off the light with a little more force than you intended.

Sunday morning you slept in. It wasn't until about 11:00 that you heard your dad banging around in the kitchen downstairs. You drag yourself out of bed, highly motivated by the smell of coffee making its way to your nose. As your feet hit the landing toilet freeze, the fog of sleep dissipates instantly and your insides turn to liquid. "It's really no problem! I can have it fixed in a couple hours, plus you don't want to wait around with that kind of shit. It can turn into a much bigger problem real quick if you don't take care of it soon" that was Joel's voice. What is Joel doing in your kitchen at 11am on a Sunday?!! Especially when he was just here..last night? Do him and my dad really spend that much time together?? You contemplate running back upstairs but then your dad catches a glimpse of you before you can execute your plan. "Well hey babydoll! Didn't know if you were still alive up there" you offer him a grunt in response as you make your way to the coffee pot. "Good morning to you too" he laughs. "Oh hey, the water is going to be shut off in a bit because there's a leak in the water pipes upstairs. Joel said he would take care of it so water should be back on in an hour or so." "Do you just call Joel instead of a plumber these days?" You question your dad with a raised eyebrow. He chuckles "no, I basically sent him a text this morning asking for his opinion on whether or not this needed to be fixed asap or it was no big deal. I was going to call someone on Monday, but he insisted". Your dad lowered his voice slightly as he then said "between you and me...I think he's trying to stay real busy these days. I know having Sarah with her mom for the summer has been a really hard adjustment for him" that seemed logic enough to you and you said as much to your dad before Joel came back through the front door carrying several tools.

"Well good morning sunshine" he said with a smile that stirred inside of you. "One of these days I oughta teach your dad how to be useful around the house so he can carry on without me" "yeah you two are like a married couple" you joked. Joel chuckled "mmm well who could resist this handsome man" he said gesturing to himself. You rolled your eyes "you're old" it was a cheap shot, but also you secretly would admit his age because you were curious. He laughed and said "yeah Sarah says the same to me" but he didn't say anything else. He walked out of the kitchen and began up the stairs towards the leaky pipe or whatever the hell he was here to fix. As soon as he was out of sight you flung your head back "why...why couldn't dad just call a freakin plumber" you resolved to deal with the Ben situation after you had some breakfast in your stomach. It was not something you were particularly looking forward too, but you knew he wouldn't let up until you responded. Sure you could block him, but it wasn't like he was some tinder date gone wrong. You two had spent years together, not to mention you were adults who needed to handle the situation like adults and not take the easy way out.

After breakfast you found an outfit that wasn't an old t-shirt and shorts with little owls on them. You were still mortified that Joel saw this look. "Okay you can do this" you breathed, picking up your phone and tapping Ben's name." Of course he picked up almost immediately. "Hey.. how are you?" You responded politely, but quickly veered the conversation to what he really wanted to talk about. "Well, I've been thinking. I really think you and I are meant to be together. It just feels right, and I know I haven't always been the best at showing up or just being a good boyfriend in general, but now I really feel I'm ready for that level of commitment" there was a short pause

"listen, Ben ... I just don't see it that way. I've spent too much time over the years being disappointed by your actions. I've broke my own heart so many times because I convinced myself you were really going to change and then to I didn't. I can't do that anymore. We're too old for this. I'm glad you feel like you're ready to commit and I hope you find a girl who is too, but at this point in my life I just can't offer you that." You had feared he would be angry, but weren't prepared for what came next. ⚠️CW⚠️ "Are you fucking serious?? Like after all these years you're just going to throw all that away?! Like honestly I didn't need to come back and give you another chance but I did and" "GIVE ME another chance?!! What the fuck Ben..HOW do you even see it that way??" "WHAT DO YOU MEAN??" He shouted back "babe I have put up with so much of your shit over the years and now I'm saying that it doesn't matter and I'm going to stick around regardless of all that!" Oh now he has crossed a line "MY SHIT?! WHAT, PRAY TELL ARE YOU REFERRING TOO?!" "I have had to do SO MUCH for you like when your mental health is bad you just shut off completely. It's like trying to be in a relationship with a fucking wall! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW HARD THAT IS...WHAT KIND OF TOLL THAT TAKES ON ME." Hot tears of anger were streaming down your cheeks. "I CANNOT believe you said that! Did you ever consider how hard it is FOR ME in those times?! Like honestly Ben you only think about yourself." "Oh really is that why I took off work so I could drive you to the hospital when you slit your wrists and you called me, crying?? Obviously that shows I care for you! You cannot tell me I only care about myself when I had to do that kind of shit for you!" Your chest was now rising and falling very rapidly. You certainly were not thinking about how loud you were being right now, but luckily your dad was outside mowing the lawn, well out of earshot. "Ben that is the bare MINIMUM A PERSON CAN DO. Like you're really hanging that over my head??! fucking grow up! God FORBID YOU TAKE THE TIME TO DRIVE ME TO THE EMERGENCY ROOM DURING THE WORK DAY. How about we talk about all the shit I've done for YOU over the years." You could now hear him laughing. A hollow laugh, but a laugh all the same. "Oh DONT EVEN. What could you POSSIBLY have done to compare to me being your GODDAMN NURSE when you're a grown adult." It was all too much. You were all but sobbing at this point. "You are such an ASSHOLE Ben! Don't EVER call me again! THIS IS OVER. I will NEVER love you and you will NEVER speak to me this way again. If you so much as text me...I'm going to get fucking restraining order!" You choked out. "A RESTRAINING ORDER ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND?? My dads a literal LAWYER you know that right babe?! I'm NOT going to let that happen!" "Do you even hear yourself right now??! LEAVE ME THE. FUCK. ALONE."

                            End of CW

You hang up the call and crumple to your bed with heaving sobs. You are interrupted by a knock on your door. Presuming it's your dad you walk over to open in and all but fling yourself out the door way knowing he's standing right then ready to hold you. Hug you and tell you everything will be okay like you're 13 or something. The blurred your vision and it was not your dad on the other side of the door. Your head hit his chest and you flung your arms up around his neck. "Dad I hate boys!" You sobbed. But then you realized the height wasn't right, the smell wasn't right, the arms and chest weren't right...

you practically jumped backwards and to your horror saw Joel Miller standing before you. His soft puppy dog eyes heavy with concern and care. "I-um sorry. I assumed it was my dad or I never would have" Joel held up a hand to cut you off. "It okay, you don't need to apologize...I've got a daughter of my own don't think I haven't had the same hug and those same tears." His voice was soft and gentle, and he smiled at the last comment. "I just wanted to make sure you were okay." You could only nod. "It's none of my business, but this guy sounds like bad news and it's a matter of your safety...does your dad know about all this?" You nodded again. "Yes he knows about Ben...although I'll need to update him on the new low that Ben stooped to today. But my dad knows and I feel safe...and in blocking Ben's number." Joel's brows were knit together. "Okay...I don't need to know about but your dad does and it sounds like you've got a good thing going there." You felt awkward and more than anything wanted to disappear and forget this interaction ever took place. You shifted your weight from one foot to the other and picked at your fingers "um yeah I think everything with be fine now" you said awkwardly. "Alright well I apologize for intruding into your private life, but I'm glad you're safe and under your dads roof." He started to walk away when you heard yourself say "Thank you Joel..I really appreciate it."he smiled at you and said "don't mention it" "You better finish up fixing that leak before my dad finds something else to break." Joel laughed "don't worry I'm just about done and I'll be out of yalls way in a jiffy." What a day... and it's only noon

[jacevelaryonswife]

Do you need help, ma’am?

When your sink presented problems, your handsome and young neighbor volunteered to fix it.

∴pairing: Tom Bennett x Fem!Reader

∴warnings: mild misogyny, sexual innuendo, kissing and flirting, also, english is not my first language.

part two

When your sink had problems a few days ago you thought it would be temporary, however, the insistence of the small leak in the lower siphon was starting to bother you. You were a modern woman, but you had no idea how to analyze, move and repair pipes, so your first solution was to call a plumber, but you didn't want to be a victim of rumors about women who hire this type of service for other purposes — and you also didn't want a complete stranger in your house. While you didn't totally mind what people might whisper, you preferred to keep your life private. So you've decided to go to your next-door neighbor, Mr. Douglas Bennet, for help.

Afternoon light caught you when you opened the door, but to your surprise you weren't the only one on the sidewalk. Turning to the side, you saw a young man dressed as a sailor and holding a birdcage. He was handsome, pale skin and expressive blue eyes that looked you up and down when you approached him.

“Hello, you must be Mr. Bennett's son, I'm your new neighbor”, you said sympathetically, but subdued.

“I see”, he commented with a curious and indiscreet smile as he studied your silhouette. "What's your name, ma'am?"

You introduced yourself before adjusting the skirt of the dress, adding: "And you must be Tom, your father spoke a lot about you, he must be happy and relieved to have you back."

His smile widened, his lips curling into a pout as he watched you. What a beautiful surprise. “He still hasn't died of hear attack seeing me, I arrived a few minutes ago, he's not home,” he said relaxed but clearly purposeful as he drank in your confused reaction. He is difficult, you remembered the words of Mr. Douglas when referring to his youngest son.

“Do you need help, ma'am?”

“No… it’s okay, do you know when your father comes back?” How would he know when he was in the crossfire? “Sorry, that was a stupid question,” you corrected, looking almost nervously at the floor. “I'll be back another time.”

Oh no, you won't get away. Moving away from the wall, Tom leaned dangerously close to you.

“I don't know if you're religious, but they say it's a sin not to help a beautiful woman. So, if it's in my power, I'd love to solve your problem.”

You quickly smoothed down your pearl necklace, an almost nervous habit. You didn't know him, you've never seen him before and he was offering to help and consequently enter your house. No, definitely not.

On the other hand, he was the son of his good neighbors Lois and Tom, known as a rebel and an expert in trouble. A real troublemaker, but not the kind you feared — apparently and initially. You were reluctant before you spoke, a little entranced by the way his beautiful irises were watching you: "It's nothing, just... there's a small leak in the bottom siphon of my sink and I don't know how to fix it."

“Is your husband not at home? Or can he not solve it?”

Jesus. You watched closely the shitty smirk he flashed and nothing pleased you more than your baffled reaction.

“I’m not married, Mr. Bennett.”

An almost fierce glow brightened Tom's face even more. It was no secret that his function was to make fun and tease other people, it was fun to leave them in shock or door face, and with you it was not entirely different. He didn't want to get too heavy with a pretty girl, especially knowing that eventually he might try to get inside your skirts, but knowing that you weren't committed he decided to risk even more.

“A fine thing like you don't have a ring on your finger, were you waiting for me, miss?”, he smirked, although amused, after all what good would such advances be if you ended up scared? "Can't your father fix it either?"

Although you were totally surprised by the behavior of Douglas Bennett's youngest son, an airy smile escaped your lips.

“You are a bit conceited, aren't you? And I don't live with my parents."

And now — with the clean area — he was even more interested in you.

“We must stay positive, sweet. Now, if I may be of assistance, I have no problem getting down on one knee to fix a pretty ladys's leak.”

It’s almost certain that your mouth opened with the double meaning of the phrase, further satisfying the piece of evil in front of you. He was attractive and he knew it, what a scandal! Still, a part of you liked his bold attitude and malicious blue eyes. “Won't it be uncomfortable? You just got back from the war, is that-"

“It's good to be on dry land again, and yes I need to rest, but it won't be a big deal, let me help you.”

How could anyone say no to that face? Oh Lord, you almost instantly regret letting him in. If avoiding rumors was your mission, maybe inviting your neighbor's rebellious son into your house was a bad idea. The ambience dimmed considerably as you closed the door and led the way. Like the good guy he was, Tom kept his hands still the entire time — although he preferred to use them for pleasurable purposes — and waited for you to point out the problem.

It wasn't a big deal actually. A part of the siphon was not fully seated, which caused the leak. He was succinct in explaining and readjusting the barrel into place in no more than a few minutes.

“All set, ma'am,” he said, turning on the faucet to test the concert.

Blowing out a relieved breath, you smiled at him, “Thank you so much, really. Would you like a glass of water or tea?”

“Nah, I'm fine, but I'm a little curious as to how a young lady got here without a husband or family.”

Your posture changed a little.

“It's a complicated story.”

“I have time,” he said.

“And I wouldn't want to share it”, you finished with a firmer voice than you had used previously in the whole conversation. Message given.

“Then it will be left to my imagination”, he informed you softly. "Sorry, I didn't mean to push you."

“It’s okay.”

“But… I would appreciate a little different acknowledgment”, he smirked, stopping in front of you — not so bold as not to repel you.

You almost rolled your eyes if you weren't interested in him. He was so handsome it almost hurt to admit.

Deciding to play along lightly with his game, you asked, "What kind of acknowledgment would you like Mr. Bennett?"

His smile widened as he rested his hand on the table behind you, very close to your waist. “One that only a man and a woman could make.”

Your skin was heating up as he found himself wanting to be equal to equal. "I should throw you out for suggesting such indecency, don't you think?"

“Mm, I think you liked me a little too much to do that.” He pouted before leaning in too close to your face.

Oh God. You know you have to make a choice. You didn't know him, but the tingling in your hands to touch his handsome face was growing and irritating. It was wrong, he was your neighbor's son and probably wouldn't want anything to do with you afterwards. Remember, avoid mean whispers circling the neighborhood. But his lips looked so inviting and sweet, so good...

“What do you say?”

"… just a kiss."

He smirk.

"Sure."

Before Tom could reach your lips you nearly jumped into his pink mouth, surprising both of you. A satisfied hum left him as he returned your heat in equal measure, gripping your hips with fervor and desire. Your lips were soft and had the sweet taste of some lipstick. You pulled him closer by his brown trench coat as you kissed him passionately. It was wet and messy, and fuck, how he's missed a beautiful girl these months. Your actions were shocking to you, it had been so long since a body had pressed tightly against you, it was almost a pent-up, primal fire that threatened to burn out if it was a little more stimulated. He was skilled and demanding at moving his lips over yours, tasting you until air was needed.

“That was surprising miss, didn't know you had all that”, he teased with the smirk on the side, hands, which had previously been fixed on your hips now circled patterns on your waist. “But I'd love to know more where that came from,” he whispered close to your lips, returning the grip on your body.

Oh heavens, push him away!

No, don't push him away!

You know you'll regret parts of both options. Enjoying herself with your neighbor's brother was absurd, but letting such a handsome man escape is another. What does it cost to think of you a little?

“Maybe two kisses”, you suggested breathlessly.

“Maybe three”, he added.

"Maybe more." You attacked him with your lips again, removing the brown overcoat that kept him warm. Pulling back from the kiss abruptly to analyze it, you savored the sight of the sailor's uniform on that young devil in front of you.

"Girls usually like the uniform, but I haven't had a chance to try it out before."

“If you think a woman would want to hear that, you are sorely mistaken.”

"Then let me fix it."

He bent down to plant wet kisses and small bites on your neck, delighting in the soft skin and the lovely sighs you left. Your fingers pulled at his dark blonde hair as he leaned against the table and allowed him to bring such good feelings to you. “Mm, you smell so good,” he grunted, cupping your ass.

"Do all men come home from war like this, Mr. Bennett?" you inquired.

"You can not imagine." He kissed you again, just as demanding as the first time, against those supple lips.

You don't know how you'll face Douglas and Lois after this, not when your hands move to remove the first piece of Tom's beautiful uniform. But apparently fate decided to interrupt the moment when a female voice and insistent ringing filled your ears.

Oh no. Lois Bennett herself was standing outside your house.

“Shiii, let her go, don't pick up,” Tom instructed as he rolled down the sleeves of your dress.

"I didn't allow it, actually." You composed yourself, pushing him away.

“I thought we were coming to terms, miss,” he said, amused but with a hint of irritation — upper and lower. “It would be impolite to fail to return a favor.”

What a son of a bitch.

Indeed, Tom Bennett was a big problem you should avoid. And you knew it was going to be hard when you saw him approach and blatantly rub the volume of his pants against his body. Another touch and call.

“Perhaps you should try your uniform on the other girls, Tom”, you retorted with a little twinge of something unknown, turning in your little heels before heading to meet your neighbor.

“Are you jealous, miss? It wasn't my intention”, he asked loudly as you finished getting ready and answered the door with a sweet smile. You didn't know if you would be convincing enough, especially when your body was still burning under the sailor's mesmerizing touch and gaze. Yes, you would have a problem now.

[scolbert22]

My sink was broken, AGAIN. And my landlord Dwight was still too cheap to call a real plumber, so he was back once again to do another half-assed repair job. 

“Listen buddy, I’m gonna take care of it for real this time, quit your bitchin’” He drawled in his light southern accent as he scratched at his cheesy moustache. 

Luckily, his unwelcome presence in my home meant I could play a little target practice with my new invention. I called it the “slut ray”. It was a little gun I’d made from spare parts I’d “borrowed” from work. It warps a man’s libido, brain, and body to make them sexier and more open to “fun”. At least, that was what it was meant to do, I had never actually tried it out before. But seeing my landlord’s ass waving in the air obliviously, I knew this was the perfect chance to work out any kinks on a live subject.

I snuck up behind him in my socks, careful not to make any noise. I pointed the gun right at his plumber’s crack, closed my eyes, and squeezed the trigger. I heard a slam and my landlord grunt loudly. 

I opened my eyes excitedly, and then realized with disappointment that the jackass had just smacked his head on the underside of the sink. Otherwise there was no change. Maybe I missed? I held my breath and lifted the gun again, this time keeping my eyes open. I fired at him again. This time, I watched as he arched his back and moaned softly. And then....

No further change. Dammit, it’s clearly way too weak. I shot at him again out of frustration. This time he didn’t even seem phased. I walked back to my room, defeated. I knew that invention is a lot of trial and error, but I’d had really high hopes for this one. 

I was poring over my notes, trying to figure out what I’d done wrong when I felt a presence over my shoulder. I slammed by notebook closed as I whirled around. What I saw made my jaw drop. 

It was Dwight, but barely. My slob of a landlord now looked like a hot college student wearing a “Sexy Dwight” costume for Halloween. He looked fitter, curvier, handsomer. Even his moustache and plumber’s crack were sexy now. But I could see in his face that it was still him, however improved that face may be.

“Golly Mister Masters, I didn’t mean tah surprise ya!” his light drawl seemed to have morphed into a goofy impression of itself, and now he sounded like a sexy Gomer Pyle. “You don’t haff to worry none about me spyin’ on ya though, I ain’t too good a reader.” He scratched the back oh his head, flashing a hairy pit. 

The three blasts I gave him must have built on each other, and the delayed reaction sent him past slut and turned him into a lewd pinup drawing come to life. Oh my gosh, I realized. This isn’t a slut ray, it’s a porn ray! I’ll have to up the power for the next trial.

“I jist swung by to say I was in yer kitchen and I couldn’t figure out why, fer the life o’ me! I guess I musta jist plum fergot!” To be honest, the accent was growing on me.

I reached in my mind for something to say to this impossible version of my landlord. Then I had the most perfect idea.

“Well Dwight, we were just going to talk about how I don’t think I’m gonna be able to pay next month’s rent, and I was wondering if we could come to some other kind of arrangement...?” 

A dim spark flashed behind  Dwight’s vacant eyes and he smiled idiotically. “Well Mister Masters, yer in luck! I’m always willin’ to barter.” He wiggled his ass at me bawdily. It was clear this new invention was going to make my life a whole lot easier.

[littlejuicebox]

Plumber’s Crack(fic) / Leaky Pipes

I wrote this for an April Fool’s challenge. You can all thank @vixstarria for influencing me and for this monstrosity coming from that one single tag. AO3 link here.

This is written to be intentionally bad smut. Proceed if you want psychic damage.

Pairing: Astarion x Female Tav

Summary: In a Modern AU, Tav is looking for an expert escort roleplay experience. She gets far more than she expected.

Astarion sighs as he pulls up to a small, ranch style-house with a bunch of flamingo— no, goose… what the fuck?— garden ornaments. He glances at the number over the garage – 401 Pink Clam Street; yes, this is the right address. He pulls down the visor and watches himself in the mirror as he attaches the stupid fucking fake mustache he has to wear on these house calls. Mr. Szarr said no one trusts a plumber without facial hair… what the hell is he on, anyway?

He cannot wait until he is able to quit. This was supposed to be a temporary gig. But now it’s been years, he’s still stuck in this seemingly dead-end job, and truly, everything about it makes his skin crawl. Toilets, clumps of hair in the sink, sticking himself in small, confined spaces… gods, it’s all horrible. He sighs and climbs out of the work van. Time to just… get it over with.

*

When Tav hears the knock on the door, her eyebrows crinkle. She glances at the clock atop her vanity. It’s eleven in the morning – they’re two hours early. Well, perhaps they’re really in character… don’t plumbers normally come at any other time besides the time they actually say they will? She asked for realistic roleplay this time, unlike what she got from the last crap escort she hired. She’s getting what she’s paying for, at least.

She opens the door and is shocked to see a ridiculously handsome man standing at the entryway. She knew escorts were attractive but– well, she hadn’t exactly expected a greek god in a plumber’s uniform. Turns out, she’s definitely getting what she’s paying for this time around.

“Are you Ms. Tav…” Astarion pauses as he stares down at the word on the clipboard. He lifts an eyebrow. No, that can’t be right.

“Pusey? Yes, that’s me.”

“Can you spell that for me, ma’am?”

Tav blinks. This guy is… really taking the part seriously. “P-U-S-E-Y.”

Astarion nods as he stares down at the form in his hand. Mr. Szarr spelled it wrong on the form, of course. He’s going to have to fix it before she fills out the bottom half at the end. He glances back up to acknowledge the woman; she looks like she’s about to go pose for Playboy at any moment. She’s gorgeous, he has to admit. “I’m Astarion, the plumber. I’m told you need some assistance with your rim holes?”

Tav giggles. It’s time for her to play along. She puts on her best sultry face as she says, “Oh, yes. My rim holes are… definitely in need of your expertise. Please come inside.”

Astarion steps into the house. It’s small, but well-kept and well-decorated. It seems as if she lives entirely alone. “Where is your bathroom, ma’am?”

“I’ll show you,” Tav responds as she begins to head down the hallway. “I apologize, it’s very, very dirty.”

They walk into the bathroom and Astarion looks around. It isn’t dirty at all. Was she making a joke? He puts down his tools, opens the toilet lid, and begins to examine the commode.

“Is it true that… plumbers are good at laying pipe?”

Astarion glances up at the woman. She’s leaning against the doorframe, the picture of seduction. Her silk robe is slipping off her frame; she’s wearing a thin nightie underneath. She really does look like a Playboy centerfold. He swallows. “Yes, ma’am… it’s definitely an important part of the job. Perhaps the most important part. No one wants a plumber that can’t lay pipe.”

“Are you good at laying pipe, Astarion?”

He swallows again and stands. This was… not usually how these things went. “I would consider myself an expert, yes.”

“Then why don’t you show me how good you are at it?”

She’s got him by the coverall strap before he can protest, and her lips crash into his with reckless abandon. She smells wonderful, she’s gorgeous, and she seems to be very into him so it does not take long for Astarion to reciprocate. They’re caught in an embrace in the middle of the bathroom.

Tav breaks the kiss, and when she pulls away, she cannot help but giggle. Astarion’s fake mustache is dangling half off his face.

“Fuck this,” Astarion growls, and he rips the mustache off before eagerly wrapping his hands around the woman. He lifts her onto the bathroom counter and begins hiking up her nightie; he notices she isn’t wearing anything underneath. She’s unclipping his coveralls; they drop down around his ankles.

“Snake my leaky drain, Astarion,” Tav demands, her hands coming to pull his cock from his tighty whities.

He’s honestly surprised by her forwardness. But he does as she asks and quickly sinks himself inside her. He doesn’t last particularly long; he’s a bit embarrassed, but it’s not like he’s ever going to see this woman again. He isn’t so inconsiderate as to leave her without finishing, of course… it just… takes a while. A long while. His hand starts to cramp toward the end.

When the two of them are finished, Astarion runs a hand through his hair and looks around the bathroom. Tav is still on the counter, her hair a mess of tangled curls; one of her fake lashes is falling off. Well… at least they were both wearing fake body hair.

He glances at his wrist watch. Shit– he needs to complete the job and get out of here; he has another assignment later this afternoon. He coughs and tries his best to return to his professional role. “If you… give me a couple minutes to finish up here, I’ll be out of your way, ma’am.”

“Oh… of course.” Tav says and she slips from the counter and tugs her nightgown back down. “Take all the time you need, I’ll be out there with your payment when you’re ready.”

After a couple minutes, Astarion exits the restroom. It took him a bit longer than usual because he had to fill out a new form with the proper spelling of the client’s name. Tav is waiting for him in the kitchen with a smile. “I need a signature from you here, Ms. Pusey.”

Tav obliges and signs the piece of paper. Then she pulls out her wallet. “How much?”

“Five hundred.” Astarion murmurs as he tears off her receipt and hands it to her.

She nods and pulls out six bills. “There’s an extra hundred, for you, of course.”

“Oh. Thank you, ma’am.”

She pulls him into another kiss. “You’re one of the best plumbers I’ve had so far. I might be… contacting your company for your services again sometime.”

Astarion smiles and nods. He sticks the cash in his pocket. He’s not quite sure if he actually wants to be contacted by her or not after this… somewhat embarrassing situation, but he appreciates the sentiment all the same. “I’ll be on my way.”

Tav walks him to the front door. Then she quickly hops in the shower to clean off the evidence of their tryst. When she returns to the kitchen, she sees a text from her landlord.

Ms. Pusey, I forgot to mention this earlier. A plumber should be by this morning, around 11:00 to fix an issue with your toilet we noticed on our biannual walkthrough. His name is Astarion. Please pay him for his services; we will reimburse you once you provide the receipt. Apologies for any inconvenience.

She blinks at the text message. Wait a second…

The doorbell rings. She leaves her phone on the counter. She rips open the front door to reveal… a large, muscular man, dressed in a plumber's uniform.

The man roams his eyes over Tav and smirks mischievously before leaning his arm against the doorframe and staring down at her. His voice is low and suggestive as he speaks. “Hello, Ms. Pusey. My name is Hal Sin. I’m told you have some leaky pipes in need of immediate attention?”

[silenzahra]

Luigi 💚

This post is part of five posts made to celebrate the first anniversary of The Super Mario Bros Movie! Please consider checking the other four posts! 💖

Mario

Princess Peach

Brotherly love

Fave scenes & other characters

HE'S SO BRAVE AND COOL AND ADORABLE AND SILLY AND SUCH A CUTIE I LOVE HIM SO SO MUCH SDGHOSRUHGOWDSH 😭😭😭😭😭 I am so in LOVE with the way they animated him in the movie!!!!! He totally looks like a courageous and handsome cutie and all I wanna do is stare at him for the rest of my life 🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹 And marry him of course, please marry me Luigi I LOVE YOU 😭😭😭😭😭💚💚💚💚💚

And of course I LOVE how they portrayed his personality! He's easily scared and an anxious little bean, yes, but that doesn't mean he can't be just as brave as his big brother. Like, come ON, he was just checking on Mario while holding the manhole to make sure his bro was running for the star, and he didn't even care what would happen to him!!! He had assumed he'd die consumed by the flames, and he had accepted it as long as it meant his big bro was safe. Like, is there anything braver than that??? 🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹

I could go on and on talking about how much Luigi means to me, how relatable he is, how much I ADORE his sweet and kind personality, as well as his silly side, how handsome and PERFECT he is in my eyes, how this movie only made me fall even harder for him... But I think I'll just sum it up by saying: "Go green!" 😌💚✨

[sirgawainofgalifrey]

The concept of Mario and Peach's relationship is S O F U N N Y to me.

Like, you've got Princess Peach, who's a very good ruler and a badass princess and a generally competent person.

And Bowser, who might be a bit overthetop and has anger issues and is a little immature, but is also a competent ruler and a good and caring father and actually a sweetheart (underneath his gruff exterior), actively wants to marry her, which at the very least is a smart political move to ally their two kingdoms.

Not to mention that almost literally everyone in the Mushroom Kingdom loves Princess Peach and she could get literally anybody to marry her, both inside her kingdom and in neighboring ones (where at least not everyone is a mushroom, and that actually have some great and handsome heros).

But then this random stumpy Italian manlet plumber from Brooklyn stumbles out of the woods barely conscious and falls flat on his face

And she's like, yes, I want that one.

[flowersandbigteeth]

Meeting your gargoyle boyfriend

Gargoyle (Sven) x female reader

General Plot: You need a plumber to fix your pipes and your fiancé comes home

Some context: This is a world where fantasy creatures walk among us pretty casually

I dunno if I'm going to come back to this, it was just a thought I had in my head <3 so I hope u enjoy

Word Count: 1k

W: mostly sfw monster fluff, kidnapping, yandere behavior, breakup, despite the description there is no cheating in this

“Are you here to look at my pipes?” you asked. 

You were a vision. Standing in the doorway in scarlett lingerie, your hair tossed carelessly to the side, and your hand on your hip. Sven had never seen anything more beautiful in his life. His mouth fell open and he might have drooled a little bit. 

The seductive look on your face immediately turned to horror as your eyes focused on the gargoyle standing in front of you. 

“You’re…not my fiance…” you murmured, mortified. 

You scrambled to grab anything from the coat rack to cover yourself and ended up in a puffer coat that came mid thigh. 

Sven gulped. 

“I’m the plumber you called,” he said, holding up the tool box in his hand as evidence. 

Your face was fiery red and you looked at your feet. 

“My fiance called…apparently,” you squeaked, “the sink…is broken…”

You both stood there awkwardly for a moment in complete silence. Of course, to make it that much more humiliating, he had to be handsome, with a broad jaw and piercing black eyes. His skin was a smokey gray and his muscles were practically popping the buttons off of his work shirt. His tail swished behind him nervously.

“So…the sink,” he prompted, finally. 

“Right!” you squealed, “it’s this way, follow me.” 

Sven couldn’t help but peek at your panties as you bent over to open the cabinet under the sink. 

“I don’t know what could be wrong with it…” you said nervously, taking a step back. 

He quickly jerked his eyes away from your ass and examined the problem. 

“It…looks like someone went at it with a hammer,” he said.

You turned even darker pink. 

Your scheme to get your fiance’s attention with a seductive roleplay was so far going terribly. Why you thought you had to go so far as to smash the sink, you had no idea, but it made sense at the time and you were desperate. 

Johnny and you were going to be married in theory only. He talked about the wedding constantly, asking you if you’d made preparations and tracking your progress, but never showed up to anything. He never came to a cake tasting, never came to tour a venue. You hardly saw him at all.

Of course, he was very important at his political job, but you felt like you hardly knew him. You were doing everything you could to throw yourself at him only for him to look at you with ambivalence.

“I have no idea who could have done that,” you said quickly. 

He glanced at you and looked back down. 

“Eh…I just have to replace the pipes,” he said, “It’ll take me a couple of hours, but it's not too big of a deal.” 

You heard the front door open and Johnny came ambling in, of course, at the exact worst possible moment. His eyes narrowed on your jacket and exposed ass as you bent over immediately. 

“Where are your clothes?” he asked, then they drifted to the plumber, “who are you?” 

Your mouth opened and closed like a fish as you searched for words. 

“I’m with Stone plumbing,” the gargoyle said, standing and pointing to the label on his shirt, “I surprised your fiance during her bath. You should have told her you were calling me. We like to avoid these sorts of misunderstandings if we can.” 

Johnny snorted and walked over to you, done with the conversation. 

“Keep working,” he said, tossing him a dismissive wave. 

“Where have you been?” you pouted at Johnny, giving him your best doe eyes. It was pretty pathetic but you were trying to make this work. Doing everything you could to get his attention. You wanted this to be a happy ending, for him to fall for you.

“Working, ” he said blandly, “I just came by to grab some suits. I’ve got to catch a plane in an hour.” 

You frowned, tears in your eyes. You’d already been humiliated once today, now your fiance was brushing you off with an audience. Thankfully the plumber seemed occupied, his head under the sink. Your eyes narrowed and you sniffed. 

“You smell like perfume,” you growled. 

Johnny chuckled nervously.

“Do I?” he asked, “interesting. I’ve got to run.” 

He tried to pull away from you, but you jerked his blonde head down by his ear. There was a red smudge on his collar that looked suspiciously like lipstick. The tears that had been hovering spilled over. 

“Are you fucking around on me Johnny?” you demanded, shoving him into the wall. 

“Of course not, doll,” he said smiling, “something must have just rubbed off on me.”

“Yeah! Lipstick!” you snapped, “how could you, you bastard?” 

You yanked the diamond ring he’d given you off of your finger and threw it at him. 

“We’re done you snake!” you hissed. 

This was a long time coming. Johnny had humiliated you for the last time. It wasn’t the first time you’d found him hovering over some woman in a dark corner at a gala or sending sneaky texts in the middle of the night. You’d be stupid not to get that he was cheating on you.

You were saving yourself for him like an idiot and he was sticking his cock into anything and everything else that moved! You'd thought if you at least had sex he would show more interest in you, but apparently he wouldn't even use you for that!

His face dropped from a pleasant mask to anger.

“Who's going to tell your daddy that, princess?” he growled, “you know we have an agreement. Your fertile womb and all the money that comes along with it for my family’s political support. Are you going to be the one to tell him he has to move his operation to another city or we’ll expose him?” 

“He won’t make me marry you,” you spat, raising your hand to slap him.

He caught it midair and jerked it painfully to his chest. 

“You sure about that, doll?” he asked. 

You weren’t sure at all. Your father wasn’t a kind man and he’d arranged this marriage himself. He wasn’t going to let you just get out of it because you weren't happy. He'd never cared about your happiness before. 

What Johnny didn’t catch was the fist that came ploughing into his face. You watch his flesh contort into a mockery of itself as a tooth flew out and rattled against the floor. He hit the ground with a dull thud. 

You and the gargoyle looked at each other, both in stunned silence, before he snatched you up in his arms and made for the door. 

“What…what are you doing?” you sputtered as you bounced in his arms.

You passed a startled looking woman sitting in the passenger seat of Johnny's Mercedes before the gargoyle tossed you into the backseat of his truck and peeled out of your driveway. 

“I think I’m kidnapping you, sweetheart,” he said, pushing the pedal to the floor and checking his rearview to make sure he wasn't being followed. 

“What?!” you gasped.

“Do you want to go back?” he asked. 

You thought about it for a moment and slowly shook your head. A smile grew on his lips, exposing his large, shiny teeth.

“Good, because I don’t think I could give you back if you wanted me to.” 

[magpiepills]

Game Over

Rating: EXPLICIT 18+ MDNI

Pairing: SNL Mario x Princess Peach! Reader

Word count: 2.3

Summary: a friendly wager over the Star Cup leads to an unexpected victory.

Warnings: pegging, anal fingering, dirty talk, drinking, flirting, butt plugs, use and abuse of video game imagery, crack fic, probably cringe. No use of y/n, reader is princess peach, but her hair, skin and body type aren’t described.

A word from the author: This is a repost! Here is my bonus contribution to the Peg That Middle Aged Man Campaign! I love this fic. This may be one of my favorite things I’ve ever written. I was giggling like an idiot the whole time I worked on it, and I’ve been dying to finally share it. Yes, it is crack, but I think it’s also kinda hot?

“You lost, Mario,” You said, running a gloved finger over the shiny button of his overalls “you know what that means. I’ll come find you later.” You winked at him over your shoulder and went to celebrate your win.

He had barely gotten out of his kart, angry at himself for losing, angry that he couldn’t react as quickly as he used to, couldn’t dodge banana peels fast enough to keep you from speeding by, a blur of pink in his peripheral.

You took your victory lap, waving gleefully from your kart, and accepted your trophy under a flurry of confetti. No mere cup could bring you as much pride as collecting your winnings from Mario, though.

Mario had accepted defeat graciously, you had won fair and square. You’re an honest woman, a good woman. Even though his cock ached at the sight of you sauntering toward him in the garage, he wanted to go back on his word, travel back in time to take back the bet, to wager something, anything else. Mario knew it was useless. He had already let his secret slip, let you know his secret desire, and now you were going to collect, going to give him everything he wanted and there was no going back. Game over.

•••••

Mario was handsome, much better looking up close where you could see the true depth of his brooding eyes, see the gray threading through his mustache, the way dirt and grease seeped into his denim and smell the engine grease, sweat, and mint that cling to him. You’d wanted him for ages, danced around each other, teasing, hinting, exchanging glances, never quite finding the right time to hook up. He was so quiet and earnest, you were exuberant and bold. Fire and water, to be certain. What do Fire and Water make if not steam, though and last night the pot was about to boil over when you’d met up with a few other drivers before the Special Cup race. Friendly wagers weren’t uncommon and everyone was in high spirits after a tough series of other races. Competition was fierce and only the best of the best were left.

Glasses were filled and drained and filled again, and you were feeling buzzy and alive when you spotted the sometimes plumber on the outside of the small crowd. His eyes were shiny and his cheeks and chest were flushed pink from so many toasts to his opponents. He raised his glass when your eyes met, drawing you to him. “Luigi just bet an entire week’s pay on the first race.” He teased. Luigi was swaying on his feet, smiling and holding Yoshi for balance. “What did you wager, Mario?” You asked, knowing as well as he did that Luigi wasn’t ever going to beat Mario. “Told him I’d give him the business if he won.” Your jaw dropped in faux surprise, and you smacked him lightly on the arm. His arm. Maybe you’d drank a bit too much too, but it was so solid you couldn’t help but let your hand linger, squeezing it gently to feel the solid muscle. You didn’t know how long you’d stood there, gazing at his bicep, studying its strength, imagining it hooked under your knee, or lifting you against a wall, until you heard him speak. “What about you, Princess? You want to make it interesting too?” He was smirking down at you, lust glinting in his eyes.

“Yeah. Let’s make it interesting Mario. What do you want to bet?” You smirked back, tilting your head playfully, your little crown slipping to the side just slightly before you right it.

Mario adjusted his stance, squaring his shoulders and letting you drink in the great size of him, his height, the broadness of his shoulders, the taper of his waist evident even under his overalls, the softness of his belly, grown from a fondness for meatballs and pasta. His strength was tenfold, strong enough, you thought to punch through bricks if he wanted. “If I win, I’m gonna take you out, and you’re gonna let me show you a real good time.”

His words gave you a chill that run up from the base of your spine and made your scalp tingle, leaving you a little breathless. “Yeah? And if I win, then what?” He grinned, placed a wide hand on your ruffled waist “I guess you’ll have to show me a good time.”

You could have left it at that, a flirtation without teeth, but you needed more. “What’s a good time to a guy like you, Mario?” You desperately wanted to know now.

“C’mere, I’ll show ya.” He tugged you down a dark hallway, into the shadows, where the music and the laughter and the voices were dampened by wood paneled walls. Your hand felt small in his and for a moment his thick fingers grazed over your gloved ones, admiring the delicate fabric, how smooth and soft it was, how clean and bright it was, never a smudge of oil, not a single red drip from your glass. They were pure and pretty, just like he liked to think of you, his Princess Peach.

There in the dark he locked you into a kiss, scratched by his mustache and soothed by his tongue, you could only let go and let him take you.Hiking your skirt higher, he nipped at your neck. He kissed wetly along your jaw, and breathed into your ear just as you felt the solid heft of his hard cock come to rest over your clothed cunt. Even under his overalls you could estimate his size. “Is that a pipe in your pocket?” You tease, rolling your hips against him.

Mario hummed. “I’m a plumber, Princess. Lay a lot of pipe. Good at it too.” He continued to kiss you, grunting in frustration at the voluminous skirt keeping him from getting his hands on your ass. “Fabric.” He mutters. “Impractical.” You lean back, smiling at his eagerness and the hunger in his eyes. You gathered the fabric of his very practical overalls at either side of his hips, pulling the material taut over his straining cock. He rocked his hips forward, begging for release. You wondered what he was wearing under there. It would be so easy to find out, just unclip his straps and they'd probably fall to his ankles. Your mouth watered, but senses prevailed and you remembered your wager. “And when I win, Mario? Are you going to let me bring out my pipe?”

You didn’t really expect it would happen. Sure, Bowser loved bouncing on your cock, let you take him all over the castle, begged for it. “Fuck me, Princess, please!” He bellowed. Mario though? For lack of a better term, you never pegged him as one to let a woman dick him down. You fully expected to suck his cock or let him fuck you hard and fast, maybe take your panties as a bonus prize. Here he is though, lips parted, eyebrows furrowed. “That what you want, Peach? You think you can give it to me right?” His voice grew deeper and you knew the surprise was written over your face. “Know I can. I think once you get it you’ll throw every race just to get it again, too.”

That had your opponent groaning and bucking against you, hard and leaking.

You licked your lips, quickly flicked your gaze from his eyes to his lips and back again, and leaned close to let your lips brush the shell of his ear. “Save it for the race, Mario. Better get a good night’s rest.” And with that you slipped back out into the raucous crowd, little crown bobbing along with each step across the room and out he door, gone before he could respond.

•••••

In the dark, warm garage, you found Mario wiping down his kart with a rag, his movements slow and practiced, methodical, buffing until the red paint gleamed, reflecting the moment he saw you standing behind him. He tossed the rag into a bin and smiled, lopsided and a little shy. He shifted his weight and wiped his hands on his pants. “Here to make good on the wager or you want to go double or nothing?”

“I want my prize now, Mario. Unless you’re going to renege.” Your voice was soft and sweet, and as you spoke you closed in, helping yourself to a generous feel of his chest, his biceps, and down his strong forearms before you pulled them around your waist and stood on the tiptoes to reach up for a kiss from his hot and willing lips.

His kiss was searing and deep, you’d like to stay locked with him like this forever, but there was business to attend to first. Deftly, you unsnapped the hooks holding up his dusty overalls, letting them sag low on his hips.

Mario’s head spun. He had given the race his all, determined to bury himself in you to the hilt and fuck you mercilessly until you screamed his name and soaked his cock. He was certain of his victory, but something in the back of his mind gave him pause. A little what if…

And so when you spun the defeated man around, guiding him to lean against the hood of the kart and reaching between his endearingly small ass, you found he was ready for you. Throughout the race, Mario had worn his favorite butt plug, the one that fit with just the right stretch and was adorned with a happy little golden star atop the flared base.

Your heart pounded. He had prepared for you. He knew you were his most formidable opponent and he knew he could very well lose. Your heart sang in your chest. Holding back a delighted giggle, you tugged gently at the plug, making him moan and sigh. You steadied him with a hand on his hips and carefully worked the plug free, tossing it into the bin with the rag, more clean up for later.

From your purse, you fetched a small bottle, laying it on the hood right where Mario could see it, then stepped out of your full, ruffled skirt, revealing that you, too, were prepared. You’d driven to glory with the red and white polka dotted cock resting heavy on your thighs, hidden by your skirt, but urging you to your win, reminding you what awaited. You took the bottle and drizzled the cool green lubricant into your hand. Mario watched, eyes fixed on your strap on. Only closing them when he felt you press one, then two fingers into his tight ass. Gently you stroked him, letting him adjust to you, letting him push back onto your hand with a soft whine.

With every move, his overalls clinked against the side of the vehicle, soon drowned out by his wanton moans and curses. “Fuck, Peach. Fuck, ohh..”

“How’s that feel, baby? That good? Do you need more?”

Mario nodded, swallowing thickly, breathing heavily.

“More. Please.”

You shoved his red shirt up his back and kissed along his spine, easing in a third finger. As he relaxed into your movements you found a rhythm, fucking him with your fingers, praising him, kissing him anywhere you could reach, and taking his big, callused hand when he reached for yours.

When you felt him begin to clench, you pulled away. “No, Mario. You’re not coming yet. Don’t you dare.” You didn't win this race to just finger his asshole. You coated the mushroom head of your silicone cock and nudged it against his warp zone. “You gotta come on my cock. You want that, baby? Want me to fuck you now? Really properly fuck you?”

Again he nodded, and you smacked his ass. “Need to hear you say it, Mario. Do you want my cock?”

“Yes. Yes. Want you to fuck me, Princess. Please. Fuck!”

Desperation looked good on him, but so did euphoria, so you guided your thick, dotted cock into him and watched in awe as the ring of muscle stretched to take you, pulling you in, it seemed. Aided by the generous drizzle of thick, green lube, you rocked into him until your hips were flush with his ass. You stayed there, letting him adjust, head dropped forward, letting the pleasure wash over him.

He felt so full. His cock dripped precome down the gleaming side panel, and he began to move his hips, winding them a little back and then a little forward, slow and steady, “Move for me, Peach. Fuck me. I can take it.”

You increased your pace, fucking his ass a little harder, a little faster, a little deeper, but keeping control. “Doing so good for me, Mario.” You praised. “Look so sexy taking this cock. My pussy is so wet. Do you know what you do to me? Letting me fuck you like this? Taking my pipe?” Your words and praise swirled in his mind and suddenly your hand was around his cock, stroking him, twisting with each pass up his shaft as you buried your cock deep and gave only shipper, pulsing thrusts. “Need you to come for me. Come and I’ll let you eat my pussy.”

His orgasm was instantaneous, thick ropes of spend dripped down the side of his kart, desecrating the shiny finish, but he didn’t care. He slumped forward as you slipped out of him, sated and happy, aching in the best way.

You came back, kissing him again, passing him a clean cloth to clean himself up, thanking him for an invigorating race and an unforgettable night.

Hopping up onto the hood, you laid back, wearing your gloves and crown and nothing else, “You finished first this round, Mario. Now it’s my turn.”

He spread your knees with strong hands, “Let’s a-go!”

[elitadream]

Honey, please give us a Mareach wedding. Or a kiss. Or a kiss during their wedding, we know you want to 🥺 Love your art and your headcanons, and gosh, your Mario is one pretty plumber 👀

How right you are, Anon! 😭😂

The kiss especially. My goodness. I'm dying to draw it, but I'm also needlessly methodical when it comes to presenting certain elements that I consider highly important, which means there are concepts I've been holding off for literal months because I'm still waiting for the right time to share them. 😩😅 One day, hopefully!!

Also thanks! 😁 I'm always very flattered when people tell me they find my Mario handsome. 🥰

[secondary-story-characters]

{{ @timid-plumber | 🌼 | }}

🌼 "Sorry cutie, but royal stuff" she winked "But now I'm back to see my friends, especially you" she said poking the tip of his noise "You're still handsome as ever"

[el-dibidibidorado1]

PLUMMER

A/N: I'm late like always! But when writers block and life interfere, I'm late. Here ya go! @therealbattleangel

Warnings: slight cussing

Parings: Tom Grant x Reader

Word count: 2k

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You just moved into your new place, It was small but it quickly became a home for you, something that rarely happens when moving.

With every new place it came with some defective parts and right now you kept on struggling with this one.

"Come on you piece of shit!" You said trying to untied the bolt that held the tube and sink connected.  You had googled why it wasn't draining or why a musky rotten smell came out of it.  You managed to use some chemicals and got rid of the smell, thank god, but the drainage still kept on going slow. So now you were trying to open the tube and see if something was stuck in there, that is what the nice man on YouTube said.

You cursed a few times when the thing wasn't budging. You grown frustrated and accidentally hit one of the water lines making it burst open.

"What the fuck!" The cool water kept on hitting your chest and face as you tried to reach over and shut the water line off. You gasped a couple of times feeling the water run up your nose until you finally switched it off.

"Shit" you said and grabbed a dry towel and your phone. You dialed the previous owners phone number and began laying dry towels on the floor trying to clean up the mess.

"Hello?"  The lady picked up and you quickly stopped what you were doing.

"Yes, Hi. I'm Y/n, the person who moved bought your trailer." You hear her gasp and tried making conversation but you were freezing your ass off and there was still a leaking pipe.

"Sorry for my rambling. What do you need honey?" You faked a laugh and said that 'it's okay! I enjoyed the talk' which was a load of shit. You were fed up with the damn sink!

"Do you have a handy man? Or someone who is a plumber? The bathroom sink isn't working right and I think that I made it worst." You heard a shuffling from the other line.

"Oh goodness. I actually do have someone I  mind. I'll give him a call and he'll be ther in less than five minutes if he is home." You sighed relieved and thanked the lady before hanging up. You began cleaning the water and putting the wet towels in the hamper when there was a knock on the trailer door.

"Coming!" You yelled and rushed to the door. You swung it opened almost hitting the person.

"You the guy?" You asked looking back into the bathroom making sure it was clean.

"Yeah." His voice sounded charming that you snapped your head back towards him. His brown eyes caught yours in a flash. He was incredibly handsome for a guy around these parts.

"Tom." He stretched out his hand and you shook it. His touch sent a shock to your body that you quickly removed your hand from his.

"Y/n. Come in! Bathroom is far end." You moved aside and let him through. Tom walked in and you pointed at the bathroom door. He winked at you and made his way. You were stuck with a blush running up your cheeks that you had to slap you cheek to snap out of it.

"What's the problem?" You followed behind him and explained what had happened, also your little fit costing one of the water lines. He kneeled down and began inspecting the sink. You kept on missing the side glances that Tom gave you while you kept on trying to clean up the water.

"Yeah-" you cut him off.

"Yeah what?" You said looking at him.

"The water line is fucked and I have to unscrew the pipe to see what is stuck in there." He said. You sighed annoyed knowing that, that was the reason why you were trying to unscrew it in the first place.

"I know." You mentioned and scooted closer towards him and began pointing out stuff under the sink. His eyes where glued to the way your wet hair stuck cutely to your face and how your lips moved, let's also mention how your wet shirt exposed some skin.

"Hello?" You waved your hand making him look away and closed his eyes.

"You okay?" You asked feeling a bit uncomfortable.

"Yeah it's that your wet shirt is a bit distracting and kind of sexy." He bluntly says. Your eyes snap down and see what he was referring. Your arms try and cover yourself but fail making you look ridiculous.

"Oh shit!" You said and ran towards your tiny bedroom slamming the door shut. Tom laughed and used one of the tools that he had on him to try and twist the screw, but he was struggling the same way you did. You on the other hand placed your hand on your chest feeling yourself breath heavily.

"You stupid fuck!" You angrily whispered to yourself when you see yourself in the mirror. You struggle to take off your wet clothes and drop it on the floor with a wet slap and rush to get a dark colored shirt. While making sure that you looked somewhat presentable a knock on your bedroom door made you jump.

"Its Tom! " you ridiculously rush towards the door and swing it open hitting your head with the edge.

"Yeah?" You rubbed your head and looked at him. He had a sweet smile on his face just taking your breath away.

"I see why you struggled. The last person sealed it pretty tight." He leaned against the doorframe and winked at you again. Heat took over your cheeks and it made him feel confident.

"You got to stop that." You said making him smile brightly.

"What?" Tom played dumb.

"I don't even know you and you just began flirting right off the top." You began feeling small as he scooted a bit closer to you.

"Whose fault was it to open their door to a single guy while they had their little wet tshirt contest." You ducked your head trying to hide the redness.

"It wasn't intentional, alright." You responded.

"I know..." he enjoyed how your ears turned a cute pink and how a strand of hair stuck against your cheek.

"You know..." he gently removed the strands of hair from your cheek.

"After I fix the sink, imma need some type of payment."  Your mind quickly went dirty and snapped your head up.

"What?! I bearly know you and you want-" he raised his hands to stop you. He understood that his words sounded inappropriate but his intentions were innocent. He laughed at your cute face and pulled away.

"I was wondering if you could pay me with a date." His demeanor turned shy and childish.

"You know, an Ice cream date by the beach side." You froze and made eye contact with him for a few seconds.  You knew that once he finished his sentence you had already screamed 'yes' in your head. Now you just needed to be vocal about it.

"Okay..." you said. He smiled brightly and backed out of your room, fumbling with a wrench he had in hand.

"Only if you fix the sink!" You yelled.

"Got it!" He exclaimed and jogged to the bathroom.

You patently waited as he finished the sink. You couldn't help but glance at him from your kitchen. He was incredibly attractive that you felt as if you're in a dream.

"Tom?" You called with a glass of lemonade in hand. He was screwing on the waterline and looked up at you.

"Need any help?" He shook his head and stood up.

"Just finished." He smiled when you handed him the glass.

"Good lemonade." He finished it and handed back the glass. The two of you stayed quiet and enjoyed each other's company when he looked at his watch.

"Its getting late if we want to get that ice cream." You nodded and grabbed your phone and wallet. The walk to the ice cream shop was long but seemed short while Tom kept on flirting with you.

"Two swirls, please." Tom said and payed the ice cream.  He handed it to you and he took a huge bite of his.

"Oh God. You know you're supposed to enjoy the ice cream." You giggled.

"Its hot. It'll melt fast." He responded and grabbed your free hand unexpectedly. You took advantage and began feeling his hand. It was rough and really warm while yours were clamy. You wanted to pull away but his hand tightened and began pulling you.

"Woah!" You said when he started jogging.

"Hurry! We're going to miss it!" You were confused but kept up with him. He kept on pushing pass people and got closer to the beach.

"What?! What are we going to miss?!" The now, night sky began lighting up. You looked up and see bright colors and kids yelling excitedly.

Tom slowed down and found a perfect rock for the two of you. The view was beautiful with the lighting making the ocean look like if it was dancing.

"Fireworks! How'd you know?!" Your eyes shined as you sat down on top of the rock. It had been a while since you've seen them, that you pointed each one that you found pretty. Tom kept his eyes on you. On how your lips curled up into a big grin or how your eyes spark. Tom missed all of the fireworks but he didn't complain. He was amazed by the view in front of him.

"That was amazing!" You had forgotten about your ice cream that had turned into a small puddle next to you.

"Thank you." You said and looked at Tom.

"Welcome." He softly said and sat closer towards you. Once more the two of you fell quiet enjoying the ocean breeze and waves.

"Do you believe that it takes 8 seconds for someone to fall in love?" Tom broke the silence making you look back at him.

"I've never heard of that..." you scooted closer towards him making eye contact.

"But I've come to believe that now." You began leaning in and he did the same. You could feel his warm breath hitting your lips making your breathing shallow.

His lips hovered over yours when cold water hit the two of you. You gasp and pull away covering your face.

"What the-" Tom yelled when a group of kids that lived around the neighborhood began giggling with water guns in hand. You had met the kids when you moved in. They wanted to help you with the heavy stuff.

"Tom and y/n sitting on a rock K.I.S.S.I.N.G-" Tom jumped off and began running towards them making them scatter. You decided to join him and go after the one who is the leader.

"Kids! Leave them alone!" One of the mothers yelled.

"Its time to go!" Another one called making all the kids whine.

"Aw man!" They bid their goodbyes and raced to their mothers. Tom and you were worn out.

"I think it's time to go home." You huffed trying to catch your breath. Tom had plastered himself on the sand. You reached out your hand and waited for him.

"Wanna walk me home, handsome?" Tom blushed but took your hand and got up.

"Sure." He lead the way without letting go of your hand. Once you let go of his hand and took a few steps toward your door.

"I had fun, Tom." You said genuinely and turned to him.

"So did I, Y/n." You finally leaned into him and pulled him into a kiss. It surprised Tom but he pulled you into him more.

The kiss was slow and tender, it felt right.

"I'll call you later...Goodnight." You pulled away leaving him speechless.

"Goodnight." He managed to say and waited until you had gone inside and closed your door. You quickly rush towards your bedroom window and look out.

"YES, YES YES!" You see Tom jump and blow kiss at your home before running away.

You flopped into your bed and began remembering what had happened throughout the day. How could you have kissed someone on the first day of meeting him. You placed your hand on your chest and felt your heart soaring.

You clean up the mess in your bathroom and get ready for bed still having a smile plastered on your face.

"Oh god!" You crash on your bed and try to get some sleep while having the day in mind.