#happy holidays to those who celebrate! sending so much love<3

[railroad-migraine]

Hi I'm putting the finishing touches on the big post and eating spiced biscuits

Anybody want one

[heyidkyay]

And I'm petrified of being alone, now |

Part Eleven

Matty Healy x reader

Summary: She’s just trying to get by, really. What with being a single parent to her four year old son whilst simultaneously trying to kick start a successful career as a radio presenter. She’s got everything she’s ever wanted though, friends close by, a mum who’s merely a phone call away, and of course her baby boy. What else is there to wish for? But then, it’s not long before her relatively normal life gets upended and turned on its head, and she’s suddenly forced to deal with situations she’s never even thought to imagine.

What happens when one mention of a certain controversial singer on her show sends a flood of unexpected challenges her way? 

Authors Note: Hiiiiii, it's been a while:) Sorry, had a lot going on tbh very hectic and stressy but I had most of this written out before life got all messy and so I just tried my best to finish it! Hope you all had a happy holidays, whether you celebrated anything or just had a lovely few days, also wishing you a very happy new year!! Here's hoping it'll be a good one x Alsooo, a big thank you to @procrastinatinglikeapro who's an utter angel and without this part wouldn't have been finished!<3

Onto part eleven I suppose!

Masterlist

It’d been too long a day, though it had only just gone eleven. So Matty had decided to take a well earned break that no one else seemed to be fully aware of. He’d left George and Adam to themselves, the pair caught up in a heated discussion about a particular opening to a new song they’d been working on, and Ross was off in the booth playing something or other just to escape the rest of them. He’d had a late one the night before and was feeling the effects of it, poor prat.

Matty reckoned that he probably had a good while before Jamie strolled in though, or before George started getting aggy about the current chord progression, so he’d taken to one of the far corners of the studio to slink into the small sofa there and pull out his phone.

Messages now Squeaks I���m meant to be prepping for recording!! Stop distracting me.

Matty grinned to himself at the most recent text he’d received. They’d been at it since six this morning, but he’d yet to grow tired and so was already typing one back. 

Messages now Ditto babe So it would seem that you are the one now distracting me

He shook his head at the next reply that came through, but had to agree with her point; Adi seemed a whole lot scarier than the three twats he’d been burdened with. Even so, he couldn’t let her know that, could he? Or have the last word either. It was a matter of principle now.

See, it’d been a few weeks since that night at the club and the morning after in the quietness that was her flat- a place that still swarmed his thoughts during moments of the day when he felt his mind drift. He’d been so caught up in the moment back then, in her and in being allowed that close, that he hadn’t paid much mind to everything else. Too focused on watching, observing the way she behaved in a place so full of comfort. He only wished now that he had nosed around a bit more, her bedroom hadn’t given much away and neither had her kitchen, but those had been the only two places he’d been able to linger.

Still, afterwards he thought that the whole situation might’ve stirred things up for them, what with her dickhead of a mate and his waking up in her bed. Because most girls either fell arse over tit wanting to get into his trousers, or rather a chance in the spotlight, whilst others ran headfirst through the nearest fire exit door. 

Mouse though, she was something else.

She kept him at arm's length, that was for sure. Made it clear she had boundaries, even if she was open to a bit of harmless flirting here and there. But he’d just put that down to her being more mature than most of the women he’d met. She was also dead set on them just being mates, and he could do that, really, he could. He had tons of female friends, ‘cause why not, right? So he knew he could hold back. He could.

Saying that though, Squeaks hadn’t just stuck around for a short time to live within the confines of his fame-covered umbrella and, honest to God, it was refreshing just how much she didn’t seem to mind the headlines nor the fans that came along with him. She loved his music, yeah, she’d made that part known- or at least their older stuff, bit mean- but that was it. She asked for nothing but his company. 

And even then, that had been all down to him. He had sought her out. Not the other way around. So he was always wondering over it, over why and over her.

Usually, people like that were hard to come by these days, or were simply playing the long game. He’d seen it happen plenty times before, not just with himself, but with his parents too, and other people within the industry. It didn’t feel that way with her though. It was why he’d been so reluctant to share her anymore than he already had, ie. Jamie and now Danny too, he supposed. Although the latter hadn’t really asked much after her since their night out, on the low now that he feared Jamie was after his head. Matty couldn’t muster up any sympathy. 

And during the last few weeks, he had practically forced his way into her life even further. Too scared that if he didn’t, if he relaxed, that she would just play it safe and walk away, and he wouldn’t have that. So, they’d gone from texting at all hours of the day to phoning most nights now that he had a set routine in London for a short while. And sometimes, if he was lucky, they would facetime and he’d feel his heartbeat pick up at the sight of her tired smile.

It was nice. 

New.

Made him feel like a kid again, in truth. As though someone liked him just for being himself. His pushy, egotistical maybe, but simple self.

She’d probably rib him to bits if she could hear him now, all soppy like. But even so, he couldn’t find it in himself to take any of it back.

“Oi, loverboy! Gonna tell us what new model’s got you grinnin’ like that then?”

Matty’s head snapped up at the familiar lilt of George’s teasing voice, who was still seated in the cushy chair he’d long ago claimed but had since turned in to glance over at him.

“Nothing like that, dickhead.” And at George’s disbelieving hum, Matty rolled his eyes and tacked on, “Believe what you like, man. You finished sorting that section or not?”

George mimicked the action, though with less of his usual irritated flare, and cocked his head in the direction of his laptop. “Just about. Only gotta tune shit up now.” Then he glanced back at him, leaning in the chair with his hands linked across his front, “So are you going to finally tell us what’s had you so distracted lately? Feels like every time I see you you're glued to your phone. Not back on Twitter, are you?”

Matty glared at the mention of the app, because yes he was, but who the fuck was George to judge him for it? So he lied.

“No,” He scoffed just as his phone buzzed once more in his hand, it really was a great fucking struggle for him not to just go ahead and quickly check it. “Just scrolling. Why don’t you mind your business, egghead?”

It was a cheap shot, but all the questions had left him flustered. He was only fucking human, yeah?

“Ah, leave him be! It’s nice not to have him in my ear constantly.” Hann, the backstabbing twat, laughed and shot Matty an amused smile, as though that would lessen the blow. Matty rolled his eyes once more.

“Yeah, yeah. Can we get back to work now?”

George’s eyebrows rose a tad but he blew out a long breath and simply shrugged, “Whatever. Just let us know if it’s anything serious.”

Matty withheld the petulant urge to get all huffy with the lot of them and instead shoved his phone into his back pocket so that he could grab the neck of his guitar and not succumb to the overwhelming urge to have a peek.

Fucking overbearing glibs. Always wanting in on everything. 

Though he supposed he couldn’t blame them, not really, seeing as he’d kept them on the outskirts of his life for so long now. Always keeping secrets, that it was practically now his trade. But well, a drug addiction would do that, and it wasn’t like he could go back and alter things. 

This was a real change of pace for him, sure, but after all the crap that had come with the past year, Matty guessed that this couldn’t be easy for any of them either. It was definitely a shift.

He’d leave it. For now, at least. They could let him have this.

“Nah, nah, go and play that again.” Matty spoke up once he’d made his way back on over, listening to the loop Hann had just hit play on, “Who put that shit in? Sounds fucking awful!” And in turn, received a notebook to the head.

***

“... So yeah, Ads ended up putting the fire extinguisher to good use- our first go of it, too!” I felt the need to tack on, grinning at the very reminder of it as I filled up a pot to boil. “There was a crap ton of foam everywhere-”

“Language!” The woman admonished me from down the phone and I rolled my eyes around a faint chuckle.

“I’m twenty-three, mam! You can't scold me anymore and besides, I could have said a lot worse than crap, you know?”

She still tutted, displeased, “And what if Teddy were to hear? You wish for him to be spouting that the next time he’s at garderie?”

Shaking my head in amusement, I flicked on the hob and turned to pick the phone back up. “Nursery’s probably already heard it all.” I snorted, remembering the most recent mishap made by Teddy’s friend, Issie, when she had sworn in front of the entire school last assembly. “Anyway, he’s not even here! He’s been hypnotised by the tele.”

“I don’t think I will ever understand the charm behind that invention. It rots brains, ma mie!”

“Eh, so they claim.” I retorted with a meagre shrug whilst shuffling across the kitchen floor to find the pasta I'd left on the other counter, “But all it’s doing right now is keeping him out from under my feet whilst I make a start on tea.”

Even through the phone I could feel her exasperation.

“Et encore,” The woman stressed and I smiled mostly to myself as I propped my phone up against the wall again so that I could measure and still see her. She seemed to let the subject go though, because her next question was, “What are you making anyway?”

I told her and whilst I allowed her to direct me (and berate my cooking skills- even though I was her best student! As well as her only, I supposed) I prattled on about the rest of my day spent at the studio and then down at the shops after having picked up Teds from school. The little weirdo had tried to lure a pigeon in after us and failed helplessly. 

So it wasn’t too long before she finally interrupted my ramblings, in fact I’d almost finished with the sauce I was mixing.

“You’ve been glowing lately.” I heard her say and I grinned around the finger I had popped in my mouth, having just tasted the creamy béchamel.

“I am?”

She hummed quietly whilst I chanced a glance over at her, “Hm, it’s new, nice.”

I snorted, unsure on how to take that. “Thanks?”

My mum merely rolled her eyes mirthfully, a small smile flickering at the corners of her mouth, “Have you thought about Noël much more?”

Pursing my lips, I leant forward to check on the still boiling pasta- not long now, I deemed. “I dunno if we can make it, mam. Last time we took the boat out Teds was ill for days after and I don’t want him spending Christmas like that, especially seeing as I have to be here up until the twenty-third, the second if I keep praying!”

“Okay.”

I paused instantly and rocked back on my heels to frown at her, having expected more of an argument. “Okay? What do you mean, okay? Do you not want me home or something?”

Mam just shook her head, chuckling quietly, and I felt the crease between my brows deepen. “Non! It just means that the plane ticket I bought won’t go to waste.”

Blinking, I spluttered out, “Hang on, plane ticket?? Since when do you fly!”

“Since I realised that nearly a whole year has passed since I last saw my family! Too long, mon cœur.” She shot straight back at me and I felt myself chuckle softly at her, feeling my heart swell enough to override the evident guilt that stirred.

“I’m sorry, maman. I didn’t mean for it to be so long, just…”

“Life, mon cher, life carries on and it keeps us busy. You most of all, with your show and the baby.” She consoled, her face so full of warmth.

“Hardly a baby now.” I felt the urge to mumble but she simply waved me off.

“As well as this new glow of yours!” She added, confusing me enough to laugh a little and question what she meant. “Don’t play me for a fool, chéri, I raised you! There is someone, isn’t there?”

“Someone?” I quipped right back, very much bewildered by this whole new conversation we were now having. “What are you getting at?”

She clucked her tongue at me, as though she thought I was just playing at being dense, and so I watched on as she lifted her eyes towards the ceiling. “Someone new! A mystery man, peut être?”

I gawped, spluttered, and then shook my head, “No, non! Far from! God, can’t a girl just glow? I’m just happy, maman!”

“Ah, so I am right! You’re blushing.”

“Am not!”

My mum merely laughed at my petulance in return. “You are, Souris! It’s nothing to be ashamed of, if you don’t want to tell me more then I will leave it, for now. It looks good on you though.”

“Maman.” I groaned, “You couldn’t be more wrong about this.”

“I know my own child, crois-moi.” Was all that she replied, shrugging simply whilst I stood frozen in my kitchen hundreds of miles away from her. I knew she wouldn’t budge though. “But I want to know more soon! Maybe when I visit.” She proposed.

My eyes widened and it took everything in me not to pester her any further on what the hell she’d meant by it all. Seeing someone? I mean, she was out of her mind. I hadn’t spared even a glance at anyone in that way since, well since Teddy! And she knew this.

“Now, you should probably do something about that pot, amour. It’s bubbling over.”

That was all I needed to force myself back into the present and I swore up a storm as I rushed over to save the pasta on the stove. 

–

“Did you see it? Did you see it? Did you see it?”

I reeled back at the sudden presence of an overwhelming Adi, who had shot up to greet me at the studio door as I walked in, curls bouncing every which way. I laughed, more than a little surprised by the intrusion as I attempted to step around her and get further inside. It didn’t work as well as I hoped though, seeing how she scuttled after me like a baby duckling who’d just learned to walk.

“Christ, Ads! At least lemme put my shit down.” I told her, all but skidding around the settee to throw my bag onto it. “Only just about managed to escape a Teddy Tantrum on the way in.”

Even with the mention of the almost meltdown from the monster that was my toddler she still powered on, bouncing on the balls of her feet, phone clutched tightly in the hand she held close to her chest. “But did you see it!” She pestered me, the stress and excitement of the situation evident in the pitch of her voice.

Looking at her, I knew I just had to put her out of her misery. “Yes, I saw it.” I smiled slyly, shaking my head fondly whilst I moved over towards the kitchenette. “Brew?” I wondered aloud and she shot me the most scathing look.

“Forget tea! There’s no time for tea! Are we doing it, or not?!” Adi immediately fired back, eyes now as wide as dinner plates.

I tried so hard to keep my growing grin from view, messing with the cups atop the fridge, but she was nothing if not adamant.

“Mouse!”

Breaking, I laughed at her and glanced over to where she stood an arms length away, practically ready to explode. “Why wouldn’t we be?” I asked and her mouth dropped open at the insinuation of my words and the hope she’d been attempting to hide blossomed into pure elation. 

“You’re serious? You’re not just messing with me? Because I will strangle you right here, right now!”

My eyebrows rose, but I was still grinning away. “I go down fighting, babe.”

“Don’t I know it- still have the scar from when we wrestled over who got to say the first hello to Bono!”

I grinned proudly but did remind her, “And I still have nightmares about your teeth buried in my left thigh.”

“Oi, that healed!”

I snorted, “And? The trauma didn’t.”

Adi rolled her eyes and then smiled over at me. “I can’t believe you’re actually agreeing to do this.” She breathed, watching me ever so closely now.

I shrugged, feeling a little sheepish but mostly just trying not to think about the circumstances of it all. “It’s for charity- and besides, they asked. I couldn’t say no, could I?”

A crease formed between her dark knitted brows, “You could. I know I’m excited and all but, if you’re not comfortable with it…” She trailed off and I hated seeing her all mopey and concerned, it rivalled Teddy’s best set of puppy-dog eyes. An art he’d mastered since before he’d been able to sit up on his own.

“I know.” I assured her kindly as I propped myself up against the counter, “I want to do it though, Ads. It’s for a good cause and whatnot. Plus, I’ll have you there with me and it’s not like we’ll be in front of any cameras.”

“Maybe not you, but I'm soaking it all up, babe!” Adi immediately retorted and she flicked her hair over her shoulder for dramatic effect, “A face like this was made to be seen.”

I smirked and continued with the task I’d set of refilling the kettle, “And who would I be if I denied the world that chance?”

“Exactly.” She said, then chuckled, moving across the floor to shoot two tea bags into the mugs I’d gathered. “Now, all we need to do is work out what to wear.”

“And what questions to ask! They said they’re still unsure on the lineup this year. What with it being all new and whatnot.” I mentioned, having been thinking on that specific issue since the ask had come through the previous afternoon. 

It wasn’t a huge gala type event, nothing like the Met or the Brits, but it was going to be a big showcase in the leadup to Christmas. Something that was going to help provide a lot to those who were going without this year. From what I’d gathered, there would be variety acts, musical performances, comedians, dancers and the like, and it was meant to be broadcasted across the entire country. So, to say this was a big deal for us. A radio show I’d started in my bedroom! Was a massive understatement.

“I mean, an actual red carpet, Mouse!” Adi finally squealed, letting loose all the obvious excitement she’d been holding in. “Come on, even you’ve got to be looking forward to that!”

I nudged her hip slightly as I went for the milk, silently rebuking that comment, but she just laughed in turn. “I am, to be fair. It’s going to be a whole lot different from what we’re used to though.”

Adi merely flashed me a bright eyed grin, “Exactly why we need to dress to the nines, babe! Gotta show these haughty celebs that we can roll with the likes of them.”

I cackled when she did and then shook my head, extra careful not to go spilling any of the hot tea we’d brewed as we made our way back over towards the settee. This was definitely going to be one for the books.

***

“You got all that?”

The others all gave their own variation of a confirmation to their stressy manager whilst Matty’s attention deferred, eyes jumping ever so quickly from one thing to another.

“Matty mate, you hearing me?”

A barge shook him in his stance and he turned towards Jamie and the rest of the guys with raised brows before he huffed.

“Yeah, yeah- album, smiles, don’t be a fuckhead.” He listed off, already glancing away.

Ross snorted over Jamie’s head, who in turn rolled his eyes at Matty’s blatant tone. “Don’t fuck this one up, it’ll be good for your image, alright?”

“We won’t.” Hann promised him with that gentle smile of his just as George clapped the older man’s shoulder, “Try not to have a heart attack before we make it to the end, man.”

“I’ll be fucking lucky.” Matty heard Jamie mutter under his breath just before they were herded off towards the start of the carpet where a shit ton of fans and a horde of cameras waited.

“You doing alright though?”

Matty hummed at the quiet question, dipping his chin ever so slightly. He was alright. It just felt different, being at something like this stone cold sober. It had been too long, in truth. Actually, he’d begun to wonder if he’d ever not been on something since they’d first shot up to fame and been forced to attend shit like this. He lingered on that very thought even as he replied.

“Fine, just thinking over the opening.” He clasped his hands before him to keep himself from fidgeting any more than he had been. He was always fucking doing it, drove people crazy, or so he’d been told.

“You’ll ace it.” Ross whispered to him around a conspiratorial grin, squeezing Matty’s upper arm once before they were all called into the onslaught by an usher. “Show time, boys!” He added and with it, Matty forced out a breath.

Stepping onto a carpet always felt like entering a whole other reality, whether it was a black tie event or something sweet and easy. There was just nowhere that you could possibly hide to escape the cameras or the shouts and cries of people vying for your attention. It was easy to follow their directions though, ‘Over here!’ or ‘To your left!’, but it was much harder to tune out the other shit that got thrown their way.

“Matty! Matty! How was rehab?” One shouted, “Are you lot breaking up then?” Went another. “George, where’s Charli? And the after party, what about the after party?”

Matty bared his teeth and grinned through it, knowing he’d only be making things more difficult for himself if he gave them any inclination that he’d heard, let alone a real reaction.

By the time they made it off the first half though, away from all the blinding lights and constant flashing, Matty didn’t even get a chance to regroup before he felt himself already being steered towards the next horde of press.

He dragged a helpless hand down his face, bracing himself as best he could, before dozens, if not more, interviewers came into view, all eager to get their questions in, maybe find a way to have someone slip up and earn themselves a column in some crappy rag or paper. 

Typically, he didn’t mind this part. Here he got to work his magic, charm and woo whoever it was standing behind the camera and then swiftly move on. It was everything he enjoyed in an interview; three, four questions max and then he was gone. Like smoke in the wind.

Matty smiled at the notion, then stepped up in between Hann and Ross to greet the first bloke who’d reached out for them.

Somehow he managed to persevere on through and make it nearer to the end. Normally it was there that they could evade most of the microphones stuck their way and make a swift exit into the awaiting building. But just as Matty opened his mouth to suggest it to the others, his eyes caught on something in the corner, or rather someone.

“Oh shit.”

“Yeah, it’s been a bit mental. But it’s over now though, mate.” Matty heard one of the others say in response to him as they clapped his shoulder heartily, but they obviously hadn’t realised that he hadn’t been moaning about the whole ordeal, not even moaning at all actually. No, he’d just been fucking shocked to the core and all but rooted to the red carpet in surprise and that was all the words that he could let escape.

Before he could think to correct them, or let them know, he somehow managed to unstick his feet and start hurrying in a whole other direction. They called out when they noticed but he paid them no mind, flicking at his blazer sleeves and then wiping his hands discreetly to get rid of that clammy sheen they always managed to create whenever he was on edge.

Because how could he not be? When Mouse was standing there at the very skirtings of the crowd, just behind a staged barrier. Her of all people. And Matty couldn’t quite manage to tear his gaze away. Sights set as he bulldozed on through people to get closer and closer. 

She looked incredible. There was no denying that. Different to whatever he’d gone and made up in his head- something to do with a romantic dinner and them being all dressed up- but beautiful nonetheless. He found it difficult not to wonder over how no one else seemed to be lured towards her, how nobody else had gone over and asked why she was standing on that side of the barrier and not with the rest of this sorry lot on the carpet. Because-

Fuck, she was just stunning in that getup. Wasn't she? All red and pretty. Cheeks matching the sleek colour of her dress, smile unapologetic and wide. It was honestly so fucking hard to chance a blink let alone look away, worried she might not be there at all if he did.

She was talking with someone though, who had their back to him, eyes flickering up every now and again to check on the celebs heading their way. Actually, it was just as she did so once more that those eyes of hers spotted him through the small crowd near the edge, making her stutter in her stance and blink as though he was a mirage.

Matty grinned, unable to do much else, except manage a hurried jog the rest of the way, just needing to be near, to talk to her.

“The hell are you doing here?” Were the first words to spill from her painted lips, causing his grin to slip on into a full-on beam. 

God, she sounded so startled, so sweet. He realised then that he’d actually missed her voice- and it’d only been a day since they’d last phoned. A short thing, before she had gone and fallen asleep to his senseless prattling, leaving him to watch her for a minute, or sixteen, before he’d finally hung up.

“Me! How about you?” Matty immediately countered, shaking his head at her cheek, “You never mentioned it.”

She smiled brightly, mouth moving but unable to form any real words, before she was swiftly interrupted, “You never mentioned it?!”

Her head snapped over towards the voice’s owner as did Matty’s, and he was rather bewildered to see Adi stood there, looking lovely in a white ensemble.

“She never mentioned it??”

He blinked at Adi’s almost screech, realising then that the girl had been speaking to him, and so he nodded hurriedly in answer, still grinning away at the eccentrics. “No, she fucking didn’t! So imagine my surprise, hey?”

“You cow!” Adi tutted, elbowing Mouse who looked a tad affronted by it all. “How could you not tell him?”

“I didn’t tell anyone!” She immediately countered, rubbing at her arm, “And anyway, I didn’t know he’d be here! Why are you here?” She looked at him then, eyes narrowed and nose wrinkled in angry confusion.

Matty couldn’t stop the soft snort that escaped him whilst she merely rolled her eyes in turn.

“Fine- stupid question. But you never mentioned it either!” Was her semi-sort-of-valid retort. He hadn’t mentioned it by name, he could admit that, just that he’d be busy tonight doing crappy promo shit.

“I did!” He argued anyway, because he couldn’t not with her.

“Did not!”

“Oh, and what have we wandered into here then?” Came George’s familiar lilt just as the rest of the band’s steady presence followed behind him, “Not starting catfights already, are you?”

Matty thinned his lips into an exaggerated smile when he turned to look up at him, “Hilarious. No, as it turns out I do have mates outside of you lot.”

George feigned a look of scandal then snapped his gaze over towards where Ross and Hann were standing, “You hear that? He’s gone and made friends all on his own!” Then, being the condescending prick that he was, he reached out to ruffle Matty’s previously styled hair.

Matty was quick to smack his arm away, huffing at the thought of what storm would now surely follow when their stylist finally caught a glimpse at the pictures of him looking a state. “She’ll kill me, you dick.”

Knowing just who he was referring to, George barked out an uncaring laugh. “Oh give over, you’ll survive.” Then he appeared to remember what had brought them over in the first place, looking away he asked, “And who might you be?”

Matty’s eyes instantly tracked Mouse, who got all flustered at having everyone’s attention suddenly on her. Her cheeks flushed further and her eyes skirted everywhere but them before they finally found his, he tried to flash her an apologetic smile. Thankfully, Adi was able to save her before Matty could think of a way out of this whole shitshow.

“Adeline Wells,” She was quick to introduce, heavy gaze flitting over George’s tall form before trailing back to the two stood behind them, “We’re from Mouse On A Mic.”

Hann appeared to blink in recognition, a flash of surprise donning his usually stoic features, but it was Ross that replied, “The radio show that rinsed Matty?”

“That was you?” George piped up, eyebrows reaching his hairline as he stared down at Adi.

“No actually, that would be me.” Mouse felt the need to clear up with a strained smile, lifting her hand as though her admission hadn’t captured all of their attention. 

George’s face wrinkled further and so Matty was hasty in his move to slip in between them, closing the distance between him and Mouse so that now only the sodding barrier separated them.

“And isn’t she just lovely?” He intervened with a grin, wrapping an arm around her shoulders and settling there even though the harsh metal prodded into his hip unforgivingly. 

George frowned in confusion whilst Hann smiled politely, dipping his head in a silent hello to both of the women. Ross on the other hand was a whole other story, he just started laughing.

“Oh shit!” He called out, hand falling to the top of his stomach whilst his mouth and eyes widened in amusement, “This is her, isn’t it?”

Matty’s own eyes grew as he shot Ross a warning look, feeling Mouse tense a tad beneath him.

Adi was having none of it though, eager to know more. “What about her?” She pivoted on a sleek heel to stare the pair of them down, eyes narrowed enough to instil a bit of fear into Matty himself.

Ross raised his hands up in a way that intended he’d meant no harm by the comment, “Nothing! Well, nothing bad at least.”

Adi raised a carved brow in retort whilst Mouse just turned to glance up at him, he humoured the thought of pretending not to notice it but couldn’t bring himself to even try.

“What’s he mean? I thought we moved past all that.” She murmured to him, looking so small under him now that he fought to wave all her worries away.

“No, no we did. Ross is just being a pillock, babe. In’t that right, Ross?” Matty’s words were pointed and direct enough that when the twat looked back over at him he saw the urgent look that headed a warning. 

Ross, though, simply rolled his eyes. “Nah, I just meant, you must be the model.”

Matty swore he was slowly losing it, was he being serious?

Meanwhile it seemed that both girls had taken to just blanching at the massive muppet. “Sorry?”

George tutted, shaking his head as he finally righted himself, and put on a charming smile, “Ignore him, that one’s on me.” He admitted and was quick to continue further when his words showed no signs of reassurance, “I figured Matty had to have been speaking to someone, seeing as he’s nonstop on his phone.”

“Well, er- no, no model, just me.” Mouse replied almost sheepishly, then chuckled faintly, “Or maybe there is a model and he’s just not mentioned it.” She teased, earning a few laughs.

“As if.” Matty rolled his eyes, squeezing her arm as he somehow managed to tug her in even closer.

“And oi! You’re ten times fitter than any model Ned Flanders here could pull.” Adi said, putting her two cents in.

Mouse merely rolled her eyes, obviously used to her mate’s brashness, and Matty found himself agreeing with Adi before-

“Hang on, Ned Flanders? Bit harsh, ain’t it?”

It was either Ross or George that snorted, could’ve been Hann too actually, but Matty was too preoccupied in his bemusement to steal a glance away from a very obviously smirking Adi. 

“Nah, she’s pretty spot on there, mate.”

“No one asked.” Matty sniped back before pointing over at the girl. But before he could get another word in edgeways, Mouse was there, patting his chest softly.

“Ah, it’s alright. Could’ve been worse actually.” She smiled at him, tittering ever so slightly that he didn’t feel too disheartened by it, “And besides, Flanders was fit! Had abs and everything hidden under that jumper of his.” Mouse tried to comfort him, though it was immediately spat on by Ross’s next sentence.

“Not gonna find that here, love.”

He was just shy enough to escape Matty’s swiping hand, jumping away with a gleeful grin to hide behind Adam. The coward.

Matty didn’t find much sincerity in the rest of them as he turned to glance them over, the guys all snickering to themselves, whilst Adi gave Ross an appraising look accompanied by a mirthful grin. 

He was only soothed by the action Mouse had made, having hidden her face in his shoulder. He was so transfixed on it that he practically forgot that the rest of them were even still there, especially when she lifted her face up to flash him a happy smile.

“Abs are overrated anyway.” She whispered to him, her chin propped up on the jut of his collarbone.

His eyes danced between hers and he found himself smiling stupidly in return. It was then though, that they were interrupted, “So come on! Ask us a question then!”

Matty watched her blink and then look away, whilst he only wanted to rewind and stay there a moment longer. Instead, he found himself swallowing around the lump in his throat and following her move.

“Yeah, go on!” He heard himself say and was almost regretful when Mouse stepped away to switch their camera on, feeling the wind more forcefully now that she wasn’t shielding his side. But then she was grinning again, eyes twinkling as she peered over at him, quirking her head to direct him further into the frame.

“Alright rockstar, this had best be better than our last interview.”

And Matty could only grin as he shouldered in closer to the rest of the lads, his eyes never once leaving hers.

[drawing-way-outside-the-lines]

Simblr gratitude day!

I am so belayed on this, and I was tagged by wonderful @nekrophoria, @bool-prop & @dandylion240 thank you guys so much! <3 It's still very hard for me to balance everything, maybe one day I'll tell a bit about it, but I feel like I've become some irrelevant around here, so what's the point? XD I do miss this place, and there's still so many lovely simblr's around, both active and less active. I can't remember half the names around here by now, but, if I follow you it means I like your stuff okay, and I appreciate you. I feel weird tagging some and not all of you, alas it would take too much time to tag everyone, so, sending love to everyone on here, and happy Holidays to those of you who celebrate that stuff <3 Special thanks to: @venusprincess-ts3, @sillypotcookie, @nekrophoria, @bool-prop, @gaiahypothesims, @rollo-rolls, @hydrangeachainsaw, @kevinvoncrastenburg, @dandylion240, @martassimsbookcc, @murfeelee, @aroundthesims, @armanasims, @doka-chan, @solori, @vmsims23, @rachel-homeanddesign-sims, @nantucketupsnott, @simerelligiftshoppe, @nectar-cellar, @white-enamel-ts3, @reverieinsimlish, @bast-sims, @jolifleurbleu, @treason-and-plot, @tiaamorosa, @ratztom, @caseyyyy11, @wasset-aseskara, @simstifulccfinds, @ninjaofthepurplethings, @camisulsul, @descendantdragfi, @obscurus-noctem, @tau1tvec, @kerriganhouse @papermint-airplane, @plbsims, @leahlillith, @roseplicity, @plumdrops @bagesims and many more.

[13uswntimagines]

Bah Humbug (Soran x Reader)

Summary: R really really hates Christmas. So much so that she's kinda known as a Grinch. Can a person from her past (and 3 ghosts) help her change her fate?

Basically, it's a story based off of Charles Dicken's Christmas Carol. I hope you enjoy it.

Author's note: I know it's after Christma, but happy holidays everyone. I hope you enjoy this crazy thing out of my head. Feel free to hit me up with comments and requests.

You glared at your phone, taking a long sip of your beer. 

The team knew you didn’t celebrate the holidays, and having your crushes call you to try and con you into attending the annual party was a low blow. Your teammates knew how difficult it was to resist them. 

Maybe that’s why you hadn’t picked up. 

You didn’t anticipate them leaving a message. 

“Hey, you’re busy and that’s probably why you didn’t pick up, but I just wanted to remind you about the team party,” Emily’s voice rang through the phone. 

You noted the distinct lack of mention that it was a holiday party. 

“I know you’re not the biggest fan of Christmas, but I would love to see you there and Lindsey and the rest of the team would too,” Emily finished. 

You took another long sip of your beer, playing the message again. 

It wasn’t fair for your teammates to use your feelings against you. 

If it had been a New Years’ party, or literally anything else you would have gone. But you absolutely could not. Would not. Support any stupid Christmas traditions. 

You had even denied the invite via Megan’s stupid survey. It has taken you nearly half an hour to scroll through the 50 questions about alcohol and desert preferences to pick the option labeled- I’m a grinch who doesn’t like fun and has a heart 2 sizes too small to attend.

It was bad enough that you couldn’t even have peace in your own home, not with your neighbor and all his holiday cheer. 

Why did he have to blast the music so loud that it drowned out your soccer replay? Why did he have to send his wife down to offer you some Christmas pudding? People already looked at you funny when you explained you didn’t love the nation's favorite holiday. You just wanted to be able to have your non-celebration in your own home. 

“Shut up,” You groaned at a particularly loud cheer from the floor above you, tossing your remote so it thumped against the ceiling. “Just let me eat my frozen pizza in peace,” 

What gave them the right to be so loud and merry?

There were still homeless people on the streets, children going hungry, and men fighting over who owned land that was never theirs to own. 

Part of your problem with Christmas was that all it appeared to be was an excuse for rich people to get richer, people to get drunk at parties, and those with bad intentions to take advantage. 

You waited a few more minutes, reaching for another beer as the music only grew louder.  With a sigh you threw your remote a little harder, praying that your neighbor would quiet down. 

You glared when your phone rang again. 

Why couldn’t anyone get the fucking message? You didn’t want to be a part of the Christmas celebrations or their stupid money-grabbing intentions. 

“What?” You grumbled into the phone. 

“Is that any way to greet your favorite team mom?” Kelley asked, and you rolled your eyes. 

Preath were your team moms, but Kelley had stepped in when you were traded to Washington, and you loved her nearly as much as you loved them. 

“You're not my favorite, Christen is,” You scoffed, taking a large gulp of your beer. “And you’re only calling me to convince me to come to the stupid party,” 

Kelley sighed heavily over the line. In all the time she had known you, you had never even tried to be merry. “Come on kid, why don’t you try to get into the Christmas spirit,” 

“No,” You snapped. “I don’t know how many times I have to say it,” 

“But Emily and Lindsey will be there, and Megan’s even putting up an insane amount of mistletoe just for you,” Alex’s voice chimed in, sounding farther away than her girlfriend. “Just come for a little while. You don’t even have to dance to the music. it’ll be fun,” 

“I said no. I don’t celebrate Christmas,” You ground out. “Mistletoe is an invasive, parasitic, poisonous species that could kill you,” 

“You don’t have to be such a Scrooge,” You could hear Kelley’s frown. 

“Well, bah fucking humbug,” You huffed.

“I know things have been tough since Tyler-“ Alex started, but you cut her off with a thunderous growl. “Don’t you dare mention my brother,”  

There was a long pause on the other end of the phone. “We never celebrated Christmas either,” you hung up before either of your stand-in parents could say another word. 

You didn’t care what they had to say. You just wanted to have your little non-celebration in peace. You didn’t want to think about your non-existent family. Or the memories that came with this stupid fucking holiday. 

You closed your eyes tightly, listening idly to the sounds of the party above you. 

Simply having a wonderful Christmas time

“Shut up!” you yelled louder this time, grabbing a broom and banging on your ceiling. “Keep your Yule Tidings to yourself!” 

There was some banging on the floor above you before the music got impossibly louder, and you swore you heard a “don’t be such a grinch” 

You sighed. 

You were different from the grinch. You hated the holiday and everything it stood for. Not the people. 

And there was no way you would be carving up the roast beast. 

But maybe… 

You clicked into your messages, your fingers hovering over the group chat you shared with Lindsey and Emily. 

It took you a minute to click out a message. 

Be safe tonight you two. Try not to have too much fun without me. 

And another long minute to hit the send key. 

It took less than 30 seconds for your phone to ping with their reply. 

You could make sure we were safe if you came

You shook your head at Lindsey’s words, immediately closing your phone and standing from the couch, and heading towards your room. You knew you could be with them, but you didn’t want to. 

You didn’t want to bring down their night with your negativity. 

You heard your phone ding again as you crawled into bed, but you didn’t feel like answering, hoping to just sleep the holidays away. 

*****

You weren’t sure what woke you up, but one second you were asleep and the next you were not. 

It was like a cold wind had blown through your bedroom, whipping your blanket off of you and slamming your bedroom door with a clap. 

“What the fuck?” You hissed, sitting up in bed, searching for your stolen quilt. 

“Didn’t know you had inherited my sailor's mouth,”

You sucked in a breath at the familiar voice, and your entire being froze. You hadn’t heard his voice since-

You didn’t want to think about it. 

Still, your eyes searched the room for the source of the sound, fully expecting the television to be playing an old home movie. 

But it was oddly blank. “What the fuck?”

“Come on kid, I thought you were sharper than this,” The voice chuckled, and your head snapped toward the noise. 

“No,” You breathed out as you took in his form, his wide smile and beaming features coated in a strange white mist. “You died four years ago. You can’t be here,”  

He hummed. “I told them you would be suspicious,”

You shook your head, standing and beginning to pace. 

“Maybe it was something in the beer,” You mumbled, rubbing your hands through your hair. “I shouldn’t have switched brands,”

“It’s not the beer,” Your brother shrugged, stepping from his place in the doorway to sit on the edge of your bed. 

“It has to be!” You hissed, sending him your best glare.

Ghosts were not real. Dead relatives didn’t visit you at night. 

You had to be hallucinating, or high, or have a brain tumor creating him. 

“It’s not.” He shrugged again, his easy smile never leaving his face. That just made you angrier. How could he smile when you were probably having a mental breakdown? How could he be happy?

He watched you cross the room a few times, shaking his head. 

“Why don’t you sit down so we can talk for a moment? I don’t have an unlimited amount of time,”

You huffed. “How can you be so calm at a time like this?”

“This isn’t my first visit to you, just the first time you’ve been able to acknowledge me,” He said softly, his voice still semi-amused, gesturing towards the bed opposite of him. “Sit, before you pull a muscle or something,” 

You very slowly made your way to the spot, carefully sitting down on the bed, your eyes taking in every inch of your visitor. Your older brother had never been so pale. You also noted the dark circles under his grey eyes, and how his hair was more tousled than usual. But other than that it was him, and he was completely fine, sitting across from you in his signature bomber jacket. 

“You’re really here,” You breathed out, the ever-present ache in your chest easing for just a second. 

He nodded, reaching out to cover your hand with his.“I am,”

It was a strange sensation, like ice and tingles where he had touched you. It didn’t fill you with the warmth you always remembered. 

You pulled your hand away, curling it to your chest. “Why are you here?” 

“I’ve come to warn you,” Tyler said, his voice nothing more than a conspiratorial whisper. 

You rolled your eyes, shaking your head. “This isn’t some Christmas carol hoax about me forging a chain I’ll have to wear in death, is it? You didn’t celebrate Christmas either and you don’t have one,” 

“No,” Your brother sent you a rye smile. “but there are different kinds of chains Y/n,”

He held up his wrist to show you what looked like a handcuff. 

You frowned, shaking your head. “I adopt an angel every year. I send money to the shelter down the road. I don’t know what else you people want from me,” 

You did everything you could to make the world a better place. The only thing you refused to do was celebrate a stupid holiday. That didn’t stop you from donating or making kids’ dreams come true. 

That should be enough. 

Your brother's eyes tightened. “You’re here alone on Christmas Eve,” 

“So?” You shrugged. 

The only difference from your normal celebrations was that he hadn’t been there to share it with you. 

“Y/n it is too late to change my fate, to relinquish the curse I must face every year of watching those I love, but it’s not late to change yours,” 

His shoulders squared and his voice turned deep, and suddenly you knew that the next words he was about to speak were not his own.  “Tonight you will be visited by 3 spirits. The ghosts of Christmas Past, Christmas Present, and Christmas yet to come. Take heed to what they say. It may be your last chance,” 

He stood to leave without another word, and you mirrored his actions, practically launching yourself at him. 

“Wait!” you yelped, latching onto his cold hand. 

“Hmm,” his eyes turned back to you, but they were more distant than before. 

“I-“ you gulped. “I miss you,”

He smiled, shaking his hand from your grasp, and placing it on your heart. “Remember bug, we’re always with you,”

With one last sad, longing smile he disappeared. 

*****

You were restless, and for the first time in a long time, you didn’t know what to do with yourself. 

Part of you was still trying to convince yourself that your bothers… visit was a figment of drunk yous imagination. The other part was anxiously awaiting for the clock to strike 12 and for the first “ghost” to appear. 

You had never been superstitious. You had laughed at ghost stories and shrugged off tales of apparitions, deeming them as tales meant to scare children. But still, you wondered what this… ghost would look like. What they would do. And most of all how it would try to persuade you that Christmas wasn’t some oversold, over-hyped holiday designed to make people go into debt. 

Your eyes followed the minute hand of the clock, tracking as it finally landed on 12. 

You held your breath, waiting for something to happen. 

But as the minute hand moved again and the seconds ticked by there was… nothing. 

There was no jiggle of your door handle, or uninvited visitor standing at the foot of your bed. There wasn’t even the flutter of a curtain. 

“It was the beer,” you sighed, laying back on your bed, and letting out a chuckle. You closed your eyes, content to sleep the miserable holiday away. 

“It wasn’t,” 

Your eyes snapped open and you leaped out of the bed, turning to face your unwanted intruder. 

“Easy slugger,” The woman on the bed laughed, an eerie glow surrounding her entire body, lighting up your room. 

You froze, your gaze flickering between the woman’s face and the signed jersey that lived on your wall. “Mia?” You asked, earning a chuckle from the retired forward. 

“Not quite, young one. I am the ghost of Christmas Past,” Her smile was wide, warm, and welcoming. 

You frowned, your eyebrows furrowing. “Then why are you shaped like Mia Hamm?”

“I’ve come to you in a form you are more open to accepting. Your idol,” The ghost explained softly, still perched casually on your bed, holding out her sleeve to you. 

You rolled your eyes, scoffing and crossing your arms across your chest. “So you’re just gonna take me through the history of Christmas in hopes of changing my heart?”

The ghost smiled wryly at you as if she expected that reaction. “I am the ghost of not all Christmases past, just your past,” 

“Oh,” You deflated.

“Come young one, grab my sleeve and we will begin our journey,” 

You sighed, closing your eyes tightly as your fingers reached for the robe. 

You had a feeling you weren’t going to enjoy this. 

****

You blew out a long breath as your feet met the ground, your slippers crunching on freshly fallen snow.

Snow you hadn’t seen since you moved to Orlando. 

You blinked up at the scene, taking in the bricks, rod iron, and sloping lawn of the mansion you had called home. 

The angels at the gate were coated in a thin layer of white powder, along with the fountain in the center of the drive. 

It was an image ingrained into your head that you knew would never leave. An image you hadn’t seen since your 11th Christmas. 

But how were you here? You couldn’t be here…

“Are we where I think we are?” You asked Mia slowly, dragging your wide eyes away from your childhood home. 

“We are,” She nodded once. “Our Christmas journey begins with one of your best Christmases. Shall we go inside,” 

You gulped but headed towards the gate nonetheless. Your fingers shook as they unlatched the little lock (shaped like a rose) and you slipped through both it and the door to the house. 

You couldn’t help but smile at the warm air that wafted towards you as you stepped into the foyer of the house, and its distinct smell of cinnamon rolls fresh out of the oven. 

It curled around you like a hug from her, and you could feel the tightness in your chest that always accompanied it. 

Mia’s hand on your shoulder was the only thing that prevented you from stepping backward, away from the feelings that you had run from for so long.

“Your family is gathered in the den,” She said softly, “Shall we join them, or do you need a minute?”

You cleared your throat. You shouldn’t feel so choked up just from the smell of cinnamon rolls. It was stupid, but your mother had made them every Christmas morning, and you and your brother had eaten them together with hot chocolate. It was a core memory that just hurt so much now. 

“I’m fine,” You muttered, pushing yourself forward and into the den. 

You ignored the ache in your chest at the lights that littered the walls, and the tree that stood proudly in the corner. But you couldn’t help the feeling that opened in the pit of your stomach when you saw a younger version of yourself settle between your brother and your mother. 

You could remember that Christmas vividly. It was the last real Christmas your family had spent together as a family. 

“I think it’s Ty’s turn,” Your father smiled jovially, holding up a camcorder as your other brother reached for his next box. 

It was small, wrapped in red paper, and clumsily tied with a bow. Your eight-year-old self had been so proud to have wrapped it alone for the first time. Looking back at it, you really should have let your mother help you, but no one commented on the sloppy job. 

“I wonder who this one could be from,” Tyler smiled, bumping your shoulder lightly as a blush colored your cheeks. 

“It’s from me,” Your younger self mumbled, looking away, embarrassed. “I picked it out myself,” 

“I don’t know why I was so nervous,” You hummed, stepping closer to the couch. 

Mia shrugged. “It was the first gift you had ever decided to buy. You put a lot of thought into it,” 

Tyler very carefully undid the bow, and slowly lifted the messy red paper off of the box, and both you and your younger self watched him with rapt attention as he flipped open the lid on the box to reveal an Arsenal beanie. 

“It was his favorite team,” You countered, your eyes never leaving the way he immediately slipped it onto his head and pulled younger you into a hug. “It wasn’t like he wasn’t going to like it,” 

‘No,” Mia agreed. “But your younger self also didn’t realize that it was the thought that counts either,”

You nodded, biting the inside of your cheek as your mother passed younger you your last box. “I didn’t understand that the presents weren’t the thing that mattered yet,” 

You knew exactly what was in that box. 

Your younger self was much less systematic than your brother as she tore off the paper golden, revealing the plain box beneath it. It wasn’t until she peeked under the lid that she paused, her jaw dropped staring at her family. 

“I didn’t learn that lesson until the year after this one,” You muttered as your eight-year-old self ripped the top of the box and held up a signed Mia Hamm jersey. You winced as your younger self launched yourself at your mother. 

You watched for any sign, any wobble from her. 

“She didn’t know she was sick yet,” Mia hummed gently as if she were reading your mind, and you reasoned that she may have been. She was a ghost after all. 

You cleared your throat, shaking your head as young as you tugged the jersey over your head. “I was a dumbass for putting it on. It should have gone directly in the frame,”

“You were excited,” Mia reminded you gently, the hand on your shoulder comforting you more than it should have. “It was everything you had ever wanted,” 

“I would have appreciated not getting a stain right above the crest on the chest,” You shrugged. “Thinking back on it now, I had everything I wanted. I didn’t need a jersey for that. God only knows how much my father paid for that,” 

“Is money all you think about?” Mia asked you softly.

Your eyes tightened at the question.

 “No,” You ground the word out through clenched teeth. Money was all your father thought about. You were nothing like your father. “I just wonder how much good could have been done instead-”

“Of giving you a core childhood memory?” Mia countered, not allowing you to finish your thought. 

You bit your lip, holding in the biting remark on the tip of your tongue. You didn’t like being interrupted, or being contradicted. 

“The memory would have been fine without the jersey,” You grumbled, averting your eyes from your younger self as your mother pressed a kiss to your forehead. “The core experience was about being with them, not some stupid present,” 

Mia hummed, watching you carefully. 

Your younger self pulled away, smiling widely at your mother. “I love Christmas,” 

“And I love you,” She smiled back.

You gulped down the pain in your chest, using the corner of your old West Virginia sleeve to wipe away the liquid forming in the corner of your eye. Christmas had been your favorite for a long time. 

Until it wasn’t. Until you learned its true meaning. 

You forced your gaze from the scene, and back towards Mia. “I don’t want to be here anymore,” 

She nodded once. “Grab my sleeve,” 

*******

Dim lights met you as your eyes flickered open, the yellow glow of the fire illuminating a solitary form curled up in front of it. 

The form shivered, despite its closeness to the blazing hearth, pulling the fraying red blanket tighter around itself. 

Yourself. 

The Christmas tree that had dominated the living room was gone, as were the garland and light strings that hung from the ceiling. The only indication that it was near Christmas was the sound of Simply Having a Wonderful Christmas Time buzzing softly through an old radio. 

You remembered this night just as well as you had your last stop, even better. You remembered your thoughts as you stared into the fire, how you cursed the universe or any god that may or may not have been listening. You remembered wishing that every radio station wasn’t playing things that reminded you of her, but you couldn’t live with your racing thoughts enough to sit in silence. 

It was the first time you had ever really hated Christmas. 

“You look lonely,” Mia commented, and you jumped slightly. You had almost forgotten that she was there.

“I couldn’t go to the hospital,” You breathed out, your voice shaking with the effort it took to hold back your emotions. “She tried to make us our Christmas cinnamon rolls and collapsed,” 

You shook your head. You had been the one to ask for them. She hadn’t been able to get out of bed long enough the year before to make them, and you missed them. She waved off your father's concern and nodded at you with a chapped-lipped smile. 

Mia’s hand landed warm and heavy on your shoulder, but you brushed her off, taking a step closer to your younger self. 

You didn’t need the comfort now, you had needed it back then, and no one was there. The least you could do was help yourself. 

You slowly reached out a hand, rubbing the spot on the back of your younger self's neck that you knew would soothe her. “It hurts now, but you’ll be alright,” 

“She can’t hear or feel you,” Mia interrupted you, standing on your younger self's other side. 

You glared up at her, a barbed quip on the tip of your tongue, but you didn’t get to use it. 

“Hey, munchkin,” Tyler’s voice sent a shiver down your spine, and your youngest self’s head snapped around to see him. 

He smiled sadly down at you, and you moved so he could sit beside your younger self in front of the hearth. 

Tyler’s arm wrapped around your shoulder and you tucked your face into the warm skin of his neck. 

“This is all my fault,” Your younger self breathed out miserably, and you saw the tears creeping down Tyler’s neck. 

“No,” Tyler said firmly, coaxing you out of his neck so he could look you in the eyes. “Mom was sick,”

You shook your head, more tears streaming down your face. “But if I hadn’t asked for cinnamon roll-”

“She probably would have had to go to the hospital anyway,” He countered, using a thumb to wipe your tears away. 

You frowned as you watched them, the smell of Tyler’s calone fresh in your mind. The way his hugs had always made you feel whole. How you trusted him that it would all be alright. 

You didn’t know that your mother was dying in a hospital bed. You had believed him. 

Your younger self touched her face into Tyler’s shoulder, and he held you tighter. 

“He didn’t tell me that we couldn’t afford the surgery or the treatments that would save her,” You mumbled bitterly.  “Or that the treatments probably wouldn’t have helped her anyway,” 

You turned away from the scene towards Mia. “I don’t want to be here,” 

She nodded once, holding out her sleeve, and the scene disappeared around you in a blur of color. 

*****

Your knees wobbled as you landed in the living room of your apartment, and your hand tightened around Mia’s arm as you tried to get your footing. You used your arm to wipe your sleeve across your eyes. 

Brushing away the evidence of one of your worst Christmases. 

“Take some deep breaths,” Mia said softly, her hand landing warm and heavy on your shoulder. 

You nodded, sucking in a wet breath through your nose. 

“Why did you have to show me that?” You asked, glaring at the woman. 

“Because it’s one of the reasons you hate Christmas,” She answered, not wavered by your sudden anger. “Because you can’t see that you don’t have to hate,” 

“Nothing but bad things happen on Christmas,” You spat back, ripping yourself out of her grasp. 

“Tyler didn’t seem to think so,” She said. 

Your glare deepened. 

It wasn’t a fair statement. Yes, Tyler had never lost his joy like you had. 

And neither had you really, not until Christmas four years ago. 

“He did his best,” You reluctantly conceded. 

“You made your own traditions,” She hummed, waving her hand. 

The blurry scenery around you shifted to your apartment. A younger version of you was standing in the kitchen, carefully sliding a pizza out of the oven to sit on the counter next to your beer bottle. 

You frowned at the soft glow of Christmas lights and the sound of an old World Cup playing in the background. 

There was a warmth in the apartment that had been missing since…

You shook your head. 

You didn’t like to think about that night. That Christmas. 

“Hey kid,” Tyler said, knocking on the kitchen counter as he approached you, the Arsenal beanie perched on his head. 

You carefully set the pizza down, smiling widely at him. “What's up?”

You could practically feel the excitement radiation off of you. It wasn’t like the Christmas of your youth, nothing had been the same after your mother died, but you and Tyler had found your own way to enjoy the holiday. 

His mirroring smile was pained, and his fingers tapped the counter like he was nervous. “Dad called,”

Your nose scrunched. “What did he want?”

You hadn’t spoken to him since you moved out to go to college. 

After your mother died, he turned to a bottle to ease his pain, and in the process, he inflicted his pain on you. His jovial heart had turned cold, and you had scars from him that you would never outgrow. 

“It was his nurse at hospice,” Tyler amended quietly. His voice held an unusual edge. “They don’t think he’s going to make it through the night,”

You blinked up at him, your shoulders lifting and falling. “So?”

Tyler sighed, grabbing your wrist gently so you would look up at him instead of focusing on where you were slicing the pizza. 

“I know he’s made some mistakes-”

“He abused me,” You scoffed, interrupting him. “That’s not a mistake,” 

Your voice held no room for argument. It couldn’t, not with all that he had done. 

A mistake was one incident. One accidental laying of hands. 

Your father in his grief had surpassed that hundreds if not thousands of times. The thick, raised scars on your back were evidence of that, as were the sounds of his sneering voice in your ear. 

“He’s our father,” Your brother said sternly but you were already shaking your head. 

“He made his choice,” 

Your voice was bitter, cold. It sent a shiver down present-day you’s spine. 

Tyler blew out another long breath, pushing himself away from the counter. “It’s his dying wish,” 

You followed him out of the kitchen and into the living room. 

“And he can take it to his grave,” You spat the words. As far as you were condemned, you didn’t owe him anything. 

Tyler rolled his eyes, pulling on his boots. “Don’t be cruel Y/n, It doesn’t suit you,” 

You watched him with disbelief as he pulled on his boots, and stood up to grab his jacket. 

“You can't seriously be going to see him,” You said, following after him. “He’s an asshole,” 

“Everyone deserves to have their dying wish heard,” He said, his voice sounding more like a dad than your own father’s had. “Are you coming or not?”

It made you want to soften, but you didn’t. 

“So I can tell him to burn in hell?” You raised your eyebrow at him. 

“Y/n,” He sighed. “Don’t do it for him, do it for yourself. Closure is important,” 

Your lip curled. “I got my closure the first time he picked up a belt, or threw a Christmas tree out the window, or-,” 

“I’ll be back, don't have too much fun without me,” Tyler cut you off, wrapping his scarf around his neck, giving you a very quick hug, and heading out the door. It slammed behind him, and he was gone. 

You stared at your younger self as she stared at the door. 

It was the last time you would ever see your brother alive. The last time you would see his smile or feel his hugs that had always set you at ease. 

Simply having a wonderful Christmas time hummed in the background, and you longed to wrap your younger self up in your arms. 

“I wish I had told him I loved him,” You mumbled as your younger self turned on her heel and headed back toward her pizza. 

Mia’s warm hand found your shoulder again. “You didn’t have to say it for him to know,” 

You brushed her off, tired of her and what she was showing you. “I still wish I said it,” 

Tyler was too good of a person. He wanted to make everyone happy. 

And I’m his effort to give your Father Christmas Joy, he had lost his life. 

“I don’t want to be here anymore,” 

Mia held up her sleeve and you grabbed on. The world tilted on its head and suddenly one of the worst nights of your life was gone. 

All you had learned was that you hated Christmas for a good reason. Only bad things happened on Christmas. 

******

You jolted upright, breathing heavily as your eyes opened. Your hands clutched your wet shirt, soaked through with sweat, and your eyes darted around your room, searching for the ghost of Mia Hamm who only showed you your worst memories. 

Your breathing slowed as you realized you were alone. 

“It was just a dream,” You ran a hand through your damp curls. “I really shouldn’t have switched beer brands,” 

“No, you shouldn’t mix brands because it destroys the flavor,” 

You nearly jumped out of your skin at the voice, leaping out of the bed and whipping around to see one Kelley O’Hara sitting on your bed, dressed in an ugly Christmas sweater that resembled a Christmas tree. 

“What the fuck Kelley,” You grumbled incredulously at the defender. “What are you doing here? How did you get into my apartment?” 

“I’m not Kelley,” She smiled devilishly at you, crossing one leg over the other, a perfect imitation of one of your team moms. “Ghost of Christmas present, happy to make your acquaintance,” 

She held her hand out for you to take. 

You stared at the outstretched fingers warily. 

“Are you here to make me feel worse?” You asked cautiously. 

The defender shook her head, her dimples showing. “I’m just here to show you what you’re missing,” 

You sighed, throwing your head back. “Can we not and say we did? I’ll go to the stupid Christmas party next year,” 

Kelley chuckled, and you heard her stand from the bed.  “I’m afraid not,” 

“It was worth a shot,” You grumbled, pinching the bridge of your nose and looking back at the woman. The amused smile hadn’t left her lips. 

“Ready?” 

You took a deep breath, trying to calm your racing heart. 

The truth was that you weren’t ready. You didn’t want to be stuck in this scrooge-like dream. You didn’t want to see what you were missing. 

You didn’t like Christmas, and it annoyed you that even your brain wouldn’t let you wallow in peace. 

“Let’s get this shit over with,” 

She snorted, stepping forward and gently grabbing your arm. “It won’t be too bad, don’t worry,” 

The colors in your bedroom blurred and you felt a now familiar tug in your stomach as your world shifted. 

At least this ghost seemed happier. 

*****

Immediate warmth filled your chest as you opened your eyes to the scene, leaning heavily on Kelley as the world shifted into focus. 

Glasses tinkled and the laughter of your friends filled your ears. The smell of cinnamon and cherries filled the air and it felt like home. You didn’t even mind simply having a wonderful Christmas time blaring in the background. 

You couldn’t help the way your lips lifted. You doubted the sounds of your found family would ever not have the power to make you smile. 

“You totally cheated,” Emily grumbled, flicking her Uno cards toward Lindsey. 

The midfielder shook her head, cackling. “I didn’t, I’m just better at this than you are,” 

“I figured your two favorite blondes would make you smile,” Kelley cheered, clapping your shoulder and making you jump. “Christmas pastey told me you were in a bad mood,” 

Your smile morphed into a scowl. “She made me relive two of my worst memories,” 

“She was trying to show you that the people you loved wouldn’t want you to be alone on Christmas,” Ghost Kelley countered as regular Kelley returned to the room, carrying drinks. 

The defender passed the filled solo cups about. “As much fun as uno is, I think an actual game is called for here,” 

Lindsey leaned down and sniffed the cup, scrunching her nose. “What did you put in here, jet fuel?”  

Emily cackled again, even as Alex, Kelley, and Megan shook their heads. 

“No, it’s the special Christmas mix,” Tobin supplied easily. “Kelley makes it every year,” 

“She thinks it’ll make us more honest during never have I ever,” Christen added, winking at the blonde pair. 

“I didn’t know they played never have I ever on Christmas,” You mumbled, leaning towards one of the red solo cups and taking a whiff of your own. Your nose wrinkled at the smell. 

It was definitely something more potent than her normal mix. You caught a hint of Jamison and vermouth, and something… cinnamony. 

Fireball you thought ruefully. She made them fireball manhattans, stronger than ones they could ever get in a bar. 

“Why would you?” Ghost Kelley chuckled, “You’ve never attended a Christmas party with them, even while your brother was still alive,” 

 “I didn’t want to be around the holiday cheer,” You hissed. This ghost was as insufferable as the first was. “And my brother and I had traditions of our own,” 

“Yes, I’m sure eating a frozen pizza and watching a World Cup from 1950 is the best way to spend a Christmas,” Ghost Kelley rolled her eyes. “So much better than being surrounded by people who love you,” 

“It’s just easier” You hissed back. “It doesn’t hurt as much,” 

Being around your friends at Christmas reminded you of what your life was like before your mother died. It reminded you about how much you loved the lights, the colors, and the joy. 

It felt like you were betraying her memory. 

Ghost Kelley raised an eyebrow at you. “All it does is let you wallow in your past pain instead of making new, happy memories,” 

Lindsey put her glass down. “I think I’ll pass, I promised Y/n that we would be safe tonight, and one of us has to drive,” 

“She really cares about you two,” Christen said gently. 

Lindsey and Emily shared a meaningful look.

“We know,” Emily said softly, her face falling just a bit. “We were hoping she would come, so we could… talk about our developing feelings,” 

“I even hung up an extra mistletoe in case,” Lindsey added, gesturing towards the archway between the kitchen and the living room. 

You frowned. “Why would they think I would come?” 

“It’s not you guys, trust us,” Alex hummed, sipping her drink. 

“Y/n just hates Christmas,” Megan added, rolling her eyes. “She basically locks herself away every year with a frozen pizza and a case of beer,”  

“At least she’s got a good reason,” Christen muttered, sending a meaningful look toward Megan. 

Christen was the one to find you the night your brother died. The one who held you after you identified your brother. 

After you said goodbye. 

“They thought you would come because they were hoping you would want to be with them,” Ghost Kelley said, and your eyes snapped to her half-smile.

“She doesn’t have to be such a grinch about how much she hates it though,” Megan scoffed, leaning back against Sue’s legs. “She dunked My speakers at practice because I was playing Christmas music,”

 “And she tossed my hat when I asked her to pick a secret Santa and gave me a lecture on how Santa was a figment created by toy companies and parents to scare children and make money,” Real Kelley added.

“But why?” Lindsey asked, her voice edging too far on desperate for you to feel comfortable. 

Both she and Emily had been warned of your aversion to the holiday, but no one seemed willing to expand on it. 

You hadn’t been willing to expand on it, even if they could tell that it was something that caused you great pain. 

An uncomfortable quiet swept around the circle of soccer players as the vets shared looks. 

“Her mother and her brother both died on Christmas,” Christen explained finally. 

 “and her dad made the ones in between that hell,” Tobin finished, sipping her red cup. “She’s convinced it’s a horrible holiday designed to pray on people’s pain,” 

“She’s living in the past,” Alex added.  “and no matter how hard we try, we can’t drag her into the present,” 

“I do want to be with them,” You growled. 

“Then why aren’t you here?” Ghost Kelley asked, cocking her head to the side. 

 “I get that kid doesn’t like Christmas, but she doesn’t have to make it miserable for the rest of us,” The real Kelley added softly, earning a slap on the shoulder from Alex. She raised her hands in defense. “What it’s true! She’s impossible about everything when it comes to Christmas,” 

“I didn’t go because I didn’t want to make anyone have to share in my gloom,” You muttered towards ghost Kelley, sending a waving gesture towards the room. “Because it’s a kindness to allow them to be happy. It can only happen without me,” 

“I’m going to go get water,” Lindsey muttered, standing from the couch. 

“Well that’s a bummer,” Ghost Kelley cackled, flicking the side of your head. “Must you always be so much of a downer? Your frown is going to give you premature wrinkles,” 

“Why couldn’t my ghost of Christmas present be Christen,” You grumbled, pushing yourself up from your couch’s arm, following after the midfielder. “She’s so much understanding,” 

Ghost Kelley smirked, pushing herself off the wall to walk in time with you towards the kitchen. “Ghost Christen was unavailable, something about a vacation with ghost Tobin,” 

You rolled your eyes, pressing on the swinging door of the kitchen. You heard Emily’s “I'm gonna go check on her,” from behind you. 

“Good to know that they’re just as gross in the ghost world,” You muttered, your eyes landing on Lindsey as you stepped into the kitchen. 

She was far too focused on the pitcher, filling a red solo cup with water. 

You sighed, reaching out a hand towards her shoulder, longing to comfort her, even if you didn’t understand exactly why she was sad. 

“She can’t feel you or hear you,” Kelley reminded you, her voice going gentle. 

You gulped, drawing your hand back before it could run through the midfielder's silky hair. 

“Why is she upset?” You asked, just as Emily slowly pushed open the door, leaning on the counter. 

“You alright?” Emily questioned, her worried eyes following Lindsey’s form. 

The midfielder gulped but nodded. “I’m ok, it was just a lot out there,” 

“We both knew holidays would be a challenge,” Emily hummed. “She was pretty upfront with her hang-ups,” 

“I know,” Lindsey mumbled, her voice cracking. “I just… I didn’t know that the reason why would break my heart so much,” 

You frowned. 

“She’s so sweet, but all she can see in my favorite holiday is death and destruction,” the midfielder continued. “And she’s not open to seeing anything else,” 

“Babe,” Emily whispered, stepping past you and wrapping her arms around Lindsey’s waist. The midfielder turned into her, burying her face in Emily’s shoulder. 

Her back shook with the force of her tears, and you were left speechless. 

She was crying. For you. Because things had happened to you, and you couldn’t let it go. 

It made your chest ache. 

“Don’t worry,” Emily said, rubbing Lindsey’s back, shushing her gently. “She’ll come around. Maybe we can head over to her apartment after tomorrow, and bring her Thai food or something. It’ll be like a tradition of our own,” 

Lindsey sniffled, but you saw her nod at the idea. “She’ll like that,” 

“I would too,” Emily agreed. 

You stepped back from the woman, unable to tear your eyes away. 

They were willing to make a new tradition, just for you. 

“Seems like you picked two good ones,” Ghost Kelley said, her lips very close to your ear. 

You nearly jumped out of your skin at the feeling, whipping around to face her, the kitchen blurring around you as you did. 

Her smirk shifted from playful to something more… mocking. Unfriendly. “Willing to give up their traditions to make you feel more comfortable. But you're not willing to do the same for them are you?”��

“I’m…I,” You stuttered, your eyebrows furrowing. 

She held up her hand to silence you. “My time with you is short I’m afraid. I don’t have any to spare for our banter,” 

With that, she turned on her heel, and it was all you could do to keep us as you stumbled after her, through the door and into- 

Not Kelley's apartment. It was a long, dark cobblestone alleyway covered in shadows. 

*****

“Where are we?” You said, tripping over your feet as you tried to keep up with ghost Kelley. 

She seemed on a mission. You knew the defender was fast in real life, but this felt like an entirely new level. You felt drunk, unable to keep your feet underneath you as you staggered beside her. 

“The present,” Kelley said as if it was obvious. 

You rolled your eyes at her wit, familiar and different all the same. “But where?”

“To show you what you have that you don’t appreciate,” Kelley waved her hand, stopping short and not giving you enough time to stop before you rammed into her. 

You recoiled away from her. “Wasn’t that the point of showing me the stupid Christmas party?” 

“No. That was to show you what you’re missing. This.” Ghost Kelley said shortly, waving her hand again. “This is to show you how ungrateful you are,” 

Light spilled from the lanterns hanging on the walls, chasing away the shadows. It pushed away the darkness, illuminating a small family, huddled together to get out of the cold. 

You stared at the mother, holding a child no older than 4 in her lap. 

“Shh honey, it’ll be alright,” She hummed, rocking the child. 

You couldn’t help the anger that bubbled up in your chest. The rage that no one was listening to you. 

Just because you hated Christmas didn’t mean you were selfish. 

You wheeled around, taking an angry step toward ghost Kelley. 

“I’m fucking tired of this,” You growled. “I donate to charity every year. I give to the angel tree. I fucking give out Turkey dinners to the homeless. What else  do you people want from me,” 

Kelley smirked. “They told me you were smart, but I’m beginning to wonder,” 

You opened your mouth, but she cut you off, stepping too close to you, one hand catching the collar of your shirt and shoving you backward. 

Your back hit the cold brick wall, and for the first time, it felt like a ghost in front of you instead of your very first team mom. 

“You are not living,” She snarled. “You have friends who love you. A family you found, yet you act like everything was taken from you,” 

You pressed into her hand. “Everything was taken from me. A stupid disease took my mother, grief took my father and a drunk driver coming home from a Christmas party took my brother. That’s all this fucking holiday does. Take!”

“It didn’t have to take you,” Kelley said, bitterness clear in her voice. “You gave up your joy willingly,” 

Your teeth mashed together at the implication that your misery was your own fault. 

“Your chain is not defined by greed and ignorance, but instead loneliness and grief,” She hissed, pressing you into the wall, her lips curling to reveal sharp teeth in a way that the real Kelley’s would never. “Forged by your unwillingness to live rather than exist,” 

She pushed you again against the cold brick, before stepping away. 

Your fingers fell to your collar, straightening the crumpled material. “You want me to forget. To pretend,” 

Ghost Kelley paused, her shoulders rolling as she turned back to you, her eyes hard, unfriendly. 

“No.” She said slowly, her shows clicking as she took a menacing step towards you.“We want you to understand the difference between remembering and wallowing in your pain,” 

Her finger found its way to your chest, and she leaned in close to you again. “You waste the care people have for you. You must change before they lose it and you lose them,” 

The finger on your chest shoved hard, enough for you to stumble back. You expected to hit the wall, but you didn’t. 

Before you knew it, you were falling. 

*****

“Oof,” 

Your breath left your lips as your back contacted the ground, and white, powdery snow billowed around you. Your hands fell to your stomach, as you sucked in as much air as you could get, hoping to calm your racing heart. 

At least Mia had helped you calm down before she banished you away. It would be hard to not hold the ghost's cruelty against the real-life Kelley. 

You took in another deep breath, blowing it out slowly through your nose, counting to 5 in your head, trying to use the technique that your therapist had shown you. 

At least she didn’t think you were living in the past. She didn’t have a problem with your preferred Christmas celebration. 

… though she had suggested you send out thank you notes this year as surprise Christmas gifts. You hadn’t because you weren’t ready yet. You and Tyler had never exchanged formal gifts. 

You shook your head, carefully pushing yourself to a sitting position, and running a hand through your hair. Maybe you were living a bit in the past. 

But you could fix that. A couple of notes and then neither your therapist nor the stupid ghost of Kelley could look at you like you were broken again. 

Notes weren’t a big deal. 

You dragged your hand down, squeezing the bridge of your nose. 

Doing the notes would show Kelley and your therapist that they were wrong. 

“Took you long enough,” 

Your entire being froze at his voice, your back instantly going rigid. It brought you back to your childhood. 

“Fucking Christ,” You muttered. “First I get my hero who shows me my worst memories, then I get my team mom who shows me all of my friends talking about me behind my back and now I get you,” 

“You get me,” Your father said softly, and you could feel his large form settle beside you. “I am the ghost of Christmas future,” 

You couldn’t help the way you instinctively tensed. 

“Future that is, or that will be?” You asked, finally gathering the courage to look up at him. 

You slowly dropped your hand, peeking up at him through your fingers. You were slightly surprised when the sight didn’t send a shiver down your spine like it used to. 

Your father’s form was imposing as it always had been, but his face wasn’t as… mean. His beard looked unkempt and there were dark circles under his eyes like he hadn’t slept in years.

It made you feel almost… sorry for him. As did the long, heavy chain that encircled the two of you, bound to his wrists and ankles. 

You knew he had earned that chain. Forged each link with hatred and pain. 

“The future as it is,” He answered, his blue eyes a cloudy gray, kinder than they had been since your mother died. “Its fluid, so nothing is set until the present becomes the past,” 

He shifted beside you, as if he wanted to rest a hand on you, but thought better of it. You had never seen him so hesitant. 

He had been cold and rigid since your mother passed, never bending and forcing you to break. 

“Why did they send you?” 

You couldn’t help the way you sneered the word. 

Your father sighed, running a hand through his messy curls, much like you did when you were nervous. “It is too late for me to change my fate, but it’s not too late for you. I’m part of the reason you are in the situation you are in. I wished to help fix it,” 

You swallowed hard, looking away. 

Do it for yourself. Closure is important. Your brother's voice rang through your head like a bell, and you bit your lip. 

You nodded. Fighting whatever the stupid ghosts wanted to do would get you nowhere, and the sooner you listened, the sooner you could leave your father and never look back, 

“Show the way then,” You muttered through gritted teeth. 

It came out more vindictive than you meant it to, and his shoulders hunched slightly. 

It should have made you feel good after everything he had done, but it didn’t. It made your chest hurt. It made you feel like you were a bad person. 

Your father hummed, waving his hand. “That way,” 

You squinted in the direction of his hand as the fog slowly disappeared around you, revealing large rolling hills spotted with stones. You frowned. 

You knew where you were, and you shouldn’t have been surprised. You had heard a Christmas Carol before. 

“Is this the part where you show me that I’m dead and no one gives a fuck?” You asked with a rye smile, pushing yourself to your feet. “Which one of these graves is mine?” 

Your father raised an eyebrow at you, gesturing off towards your left. 

You nodded, moving in the direction he pointed. He fell into step beside you.

Your eyes traced the smooth, gray stones as you passed them, only stopping when you came upon the one with your name on it. 

You crouched beside it, brushing away the snow that had fallen, slightly obscuring your name. You paused when you got to your last name, I’m taking a sharp breath when you saw the little hyphen. Sonnett-Horan. 

You blinked up at your father. “I took their names?” 

Your father nodded once. “You wanted to honor them, and your own last name held no memories you wanted to keep,” 

You hummed. You could see yourself doing that. The only pride you held in your name was the number of goals you had scored while it was etched across your jersey. Other than that, all your last name held was pain. You didn’t want to carry on your father's lineage. 

Not after what he had done. 

“Anna wait!” 

Your head snapped towards the sound. 

“I wanna see Momma,” The little voice called over her shoulder. 

It belonged to a girl, no older than five, racing towards you. Her hair was blonde, sharing a striking similarity with Emily’s. 

It stole the breath from your lips. 

“I know,” The other voice said. A slightly older voice, belonging to a little boy. His brown hair was combed to the side, and his jacket fluttered as he chased after the girl, finally catching up with her several feet from the grave. Anna. 

He said as they stopped right in front of you.“Mommy has the flowers. We should have waited for her,” 

Anna blinked up at him with big blue eyes, gesturing towards the grave at your feet. “I just… I missed her Tyty,” 

“I know,” He sighed, running a hand through his slightly curly hair. “I miss her too,” 

You used the corner of your shirt to wipe the sudden wetness in the corner of your eyes. 

“Who are these kids?” You asked, looking up at your father, his eyes looked slightly misty too. 

“My grandchildren,” He said. “Tyler just turned 8 and Annamarie is 4,” 

You opened your mouth to reply, but you couldn’t seem to find your words. 

And a new voice made it so you didn’t have to. 

“When did you two get so fast?” 

Your eyes snapped up to meet Emily’s blue. Identical to the blue of the little girl. AnnaMarie. 

She was a little older than your present-day Emily. The wrinkles by her eyes were a little more prominent, and you spotted a few gray hairs peeking through her bun, but nothing else had really changed. 

The boy smirked, nudging Emily with his shoulder. “You’re just getting slow mommy,” 

“Very funny,” She chuckled, taking a shaky breath when her eyes landed on the grave. 

Your grave. 

“She looks tired,” You muttered. 

“She is,” Your father said cryptically, but you couldn’t pull your eyes away to address him. 

Her bottom lip found its way between her teeth as she pulled a bouquet of roses out from behind her back, passing them to the boy. 

The boy took them gingerly like they were made of glass. 

“Hey Momma,” He said, carefully placing the flowers right in front of your headstone. “We miss you. Mommy put the tree up in the basement this year,” 

“Mama hasn’t come to see it yet,” The little girl said. The boy, Tyler, stood and wrapped an arm around her shoulders. “Aunt Kelley says it’s the prettiest tree she’s ever seen,”

You blew out a breath. “What does she mean?” 

“Last Christmas you and Lindsey argued over lights,” Your father said slowly, carefully. Too carefully. “It turned into a fight about how much you detest her favorite holiday. How you refuse to… bend. You walked out, and never came back,” 

“She blames herself,” You filled in easily. 

“She’s struggling,” He agreed. “She can barely find the energy to leave her bed, and when she does, well she’s just not the same. They came close to losing her too, and they’ll come close again tonight,” 

Your entire being froze. 

That couldn’t be true. Lindsey wouldn’t- 

You shook your head, shoving yourself to your feet and turning on your father. “You’re lying to me,” 

He held his hands up in defense, his long chain clinking as he took a step back from you, but you weren’t having it. 

“What? No comment?” You hissed, unbridled anger bubbling in your chest. How dare he try and tell you that Lindsey lost her love for Christmas. That she would ever- you couldn’t even think of the word. 

Your father shook his head, taking another step back, but you took the step with him. You had too much rage. Too much anger to stop. 

“Momma,” The little girl's voice said softly, hesitantly, and it was like an instant balm to your hot rage. 

You couldn’t help but turn back toward it, noticing that Emily and Tyler were already walking back towards where their care should be, kneeling so you were eye level with her. “Yes, baby?” 

“I know you don’t like Christmas,” She started, her little hands shaking as she reached into her puffy pink jacket, pulling out a toy Christmas tree with a little smiling face. “But Mama says no one should be alone. Mr. Tree will keep you company,” 

“Come on Anna,” Tyler called. 

The girl nodded. She placed the tree next to the bouquet, and carefully pushed herself to her feet. “Merry Christmas Momma,” 

With that, she sprinted away. 

“Merry Christmas baby,”

Your words hung in the air, even if you knew no one could hearthem. 

You didn’t care. 

You couldn’t allow this to be the future. You couldn’t allow your kids or Emily to lose you and Lindsey before either of them could even qualify for a u15 tournament. You couldn’t let Lindsey lose her joy. Not like you had lost yours. 

“Take me back,” You demanded, again shoving yourself up and turning to face him, running your sleeve over your wet eyes “Now! This will not be my future,” 

He held his hands up again, the chains hanging heavily from his wrists. “This is your future,” 

“For now!” You yelled back. 

You would not allow it to be your future. You would pretend to love Christmas if you had to, or let Lindsey put up god knows how many lights up if that is what it took. 

“Pretending to like a holiday isn’t enough to change it” “Your father said, equally as forcefully. 

“Then what is?!” You snapped back, desperation clear in your voice. 

You could not let Lindsey face that fate. You couldn’t let Emily lose both of you.

Your father shook his head. “Ebenezer Scrooge’s vice was greed and his greatest fear was being forgotten. Your vice is pain, and your fear is that others will be forced to suffer with you. You have to learn to let them in. Learn that letting them help you isn't a weakness. That letting go isn’t betraying your mother and Tyler,” 

You stepped back as though you had been slapped, but your father wasn’t done. 

“I forced you to suffer not because we shared grief, but because I couldn’t move past mine. Do not make the same mistakes that I did,” His voice shook as he spoke, and it cut straight to your soul. 

The same words Tyler and ghost Kelley had said to you. 

“I-“ The words got stuck in your mouth, even if you weren’t sure exactly what they were. 

“Change,” Your father said seriously, his hand falling heavily on your shoulder and his cloudy eyes piercing into yours. “Your fate deserves better than mine,” 

You swallowed hard, frowning as a familiar tune floated its way through the air. 

Simply having a wonderful Christmas time. 

*******

You sucked in an icy breath as you jerked away, your eyes flying wide as you scrambled to stay upright in your chair. 

“Holy shit,” 

Your voice was little more than a wheeze, and your fingers clawed at your chest in an attempt to slow your racing heart. 

It was all too much. 

“Where the fuck is a ghost now when I need help calming down,” You muttered cynically, glancing around your apartment. 

The 1996 World Cup final rolled across the screen, lighting up your couch and your blanket-covered feet. You could hear the cheer of the crowd, but it didn’t give you the same tingles that walking onto the pitch surrounded by them did, and simply having a wonderful Christmas time blasting from the floor above you. 

You looked to your left, counting the beer bottles. One, two, you paused. Nestled just behind the 3rd was a small, plastic Christmas tree that wasn’t there before. 

The only proof that your night was more than just a beer-induced dream. Proof that it was real. 

You reached for it, turning him over in your hand so his smiling face looked up at you. 

“Hi mister tree,” You said softly, your finger running over his wide smile. It filled you with warmth.“You’re right, no one should be alone on Christmas,” 

You glanced up at the clock, frowning at the bright 9:30 still blinking at you. You were sure it had been midnight when you went to bed. You were sure that… you shook your head. It didn’t matter, not now. 

You opened your phone, calling for an Uber, taking a deep breath. 

You could do this. 

You pushed yourself to your feet, the tree clutched tightly in your hand as you pulled on your jacket, scarf, and hat. 

You still had time to change your fate. 

*****

Your fingers twisted in your beanie as you stood in front of Kelley’s apartment door. 

You had never felt more nervous in your entire life. Not when you were waiting to play the World Cup, or when you were getting ready for your first PK shootout. 

You weren’t sure why you had taken your hat off of your head. You weren’t sure why you were so worked up, but you were. 

You had been invited, even if you turned it down. They were your friends, they wouldn’t shut the door on you, even if that’s what you deserved. 

You closed your eyes letting the soft sounds of you’re a mean one Mr. Grinch wash over you for a long second before slowly lifting your hand and knocking on the door. 

There was a rustle behind the door, the sound of the music turning down, and you couldn’t help but twist your beanie again. 

You had interrupted them. You considered walking away, but you didn’t have time before the door slowly swung open. 

“Speak of the grinch and she shall appear,” You mumbled, shooting the defender a shy smile. “I uh… I wasn’t sure if your invite still stood, but um…” 

“Come on,” Kelley smiled widely at you interrupting your rambling, her hand landing on your shoulder and she squeezed gently. “You’re always invited,” 

You bobbed your head, swallowing hard and allowing her to guide you into the living room. “I uh.. didn’t bring anything for the secret Santa,” 

“Don’t worry about it,” She hummed, taking your coat. “You being here is enough,” 

Her hands still sent a shiver down your spine. A reminder of ghost Kelley, and her harsh words. 

“As long as you’re sure,” You said, showing More vulnerability than you normally would. 

“I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life,” She sent you another soft smile, shaking her head. “Everyone is in the living room. I’ll even get you a-“

“Fireball Manhattan,” You finished, already moving towards the room. 

Her head tilted to the side as she trailed after you. “How did you know that was the surprise drink this year?” 

You shrugged. “Just a hunch,” 

“Good hunch,” She hummed suspiciously. “Look who I found,” 

She gestured towards you as you entered the living room. 

The team paused for a split second as if they couldn’t believe you had actually come before you were being surrounded. 

“Hey, Scrooge does have a heart,” 

“Glad you could come down from mount crumpet,” 

Your cheeks flamed as Christen pulled you into a tight hug and Tobin patted your back. “Lindsey and Em are gonna be so excited,” 

You let the hug go on, glancing for the two aforementioned women. “Where are they?”

“Linds wanted some water,” Christen said, kissing the side of your head, and you wilted slightly. 

That meant that they knew why you didn’t like Christmas. The team had already told them. Lindsey had already gotten upset. 

“Em followed her into the kitchen,” Tobin said, tilting her head towards the door. “Just be careful of hiding mistletoe,” 

You nodded, and Christen patted you towards the kitchen. You waved towards Alex, Megan, Sue and the youngins before pushing your way into the kitchen. 

You knew the scene that you were walking into to. You had already seen it, but that didn’t change how it made your heart clench to see Emily wrapped around Lindsey’s back, her chin resting on her shoulder. 

“Maybe we can head over to her apartment after tomorrow, and bring her Thai food or something. It’ll be like a tradition of our own,”

“I think that sounds amazing,” You answered, leaning on the counter. “Drunken noodles are my favorite,” 

Their heads whipped around to face you, and a breathtaking smile broke across Lindsey’s face.

“You came,”

You shifted uncomfortably against the counter. “my game got kinda boring,” 

Emily hummed, pushing herself off of Lindsey and taking a step towards you. “No other reason?”

Red painted itself across your cheeks, and you scratched the back of your neck. “I uh. I also wanted to make sure the two of you were safe tonight, and I wanted to spend time with you,” 

“You’re cute,” Emily smirked, holding her hands out and pulling you into a careful hug.

You leaned into it, burying your nose in her shoulder before Lindsey pulled you into her instead. 

“We got you a present if you want it,” She said softly into your hair. 

You gulped again. You hadn’t exchanged presents since your mother died. “I didn’t get you guys anything, really. 

Lindsey pulled back, her dimples showing. “You brought you, and that’s all I wanted for Christmas,” 

“I’ll go grab it, you two stay put,” Emily said from behind you, and you heard the sound of the door. 

“I’m not very good at this,” You admitted. 

Lindsey’s smile widened, her dimples getting deeper as she ran a careful thumb over your cheek. “You’re doing alright so far,” 

You nodded, swallowing at the sound of the door and Emily’s warmth returning behind you. She passed a small, thin gift over your shoulder and you took it gingerly, staring down at the bright red paper. 

“This is called a present,” Emily jested. “You’re supposed to rip it open,” 

“I know that,” You mumbled, thumbing the corner of the paper. “I just-“ 

“Just say thank you,” Lindsey said instead, her thumb-stopping the word on your lip. 

You nodded. “Thank you,” 

“You’re welcome,” Lindsey hummed, nudging your cheek with her nose. “Now open it,” 

You nodded, your thumb catching the edge of the paper and slowly tearing it away. Your breath caught at the sight of red and white fabric. It was soft against your fingers and the sight alone was enough to bring tears to your eyes. 

“We know Arsenal is your favorite team,” Emily said slowly.

“So we thought a new beanie might be a good idea,” Lindsey finished, worrying her bottom lip. 

“It’s perfect,” 

It came out of your mouth before you could stop it, watery and vulnerable, but you felt safe nestled between these two women. 

“I um-“ You awkwardly ran your finger over the Arsenal logo of the red and white hat, tracing the little cannon. The same cannon you had given your brother. The same one he had pulled on his head the last time you saw him. “I don’t know a lot about Christmas, but I want to learn if you’re willing to teach me?” 

“Well, our favorite tradition is the mistletoe,” Emily said, and you could hear her smirk in her tone as she pointed towards the ceiling. “Traditionally you kiss when you're under it,” 

You chuckled, tilting your head as Lindsey leaned in and pressed a very soft kiss to your lips. It took your brain a second to catch up, but you reciprocated as soon as you did, leaning into her as she pulled away. Chasing her lips. 

Emily hummed, catching your chin and pulling you away from Lindsey and towards her, connecting your lips. 

“I think I could get used to these traditions,” 

You still weren’t sure exactly where you stood on Christmas, but what you did know was that you wanted these women with you as you figured it out. You wanted to give them everything. You were ready to let them in. 

[1-tiger-every-day]

Hello lovely followers!

Happy holidays to those of you who celebrate, and welcome all to the final week of 1-tiger-every-day!

I wanted to give this blog a good send-off, so if you've enjoyed my tigers this year, it would mean so much if you'd consider doing one of the following:

Donate to your favorite wildlife charity/org, especially if it's tiger-related! A small charity that I would recommend is the UK-Indian Tigers4Ever. I did some research on them and it seems that they work in a particular area of Madhya Pradesh to reduce poaching, as well as improving drinking water accessibility both for local communities and wildlife. Fresh water has become more scarce in recent years due to climate change. I hope we can support them together, but of course, donations are appreciated, NEVER expected, as I know this has been a tough year for everyone. You can donate here: https://tigers4ever.org/donate/. If you do end up donating to any tiger-related charity just drop me an ask letting me know, and I will take your word for it and draw you a thank-you tiger! 🐯

Submit your tigers--drawn, photographed or otherwise--so we can share as many as possible during the final days of the year. I can't wait to see what you all come up with! You can drop me an ask or submit them here: https://1-tiger-every-day.tumblr.com/submit

It's been a total privilege to run this blog for the year, you've been such a warm, friendly and kind (also polite!!!) group of followers. I cherish every tag, comment, ask and submission I've received. On behalf of Tiger Intern T and myself, THANK YOU for coming on this journey with us! 🧡🧡🧡

PS: FYI, this blog will be staying up as an archive for the foreseeable future, and I will continue to share tiger art when I see it on Tumblr (and maybe even the odd tiger of my own). So you'll still be able to reach me here :)

Update 03.1.2023

...And that concludes this year's tigers! As mentioned above, I will continue to reblog/ occasionally share tigers here, just not every day. Thank you again everybody so much! Happy year of the rabbit coming up <3

[knifearo]

the agony of writing my favorite ships and seeing them as completely aromantic/queerplatonic/lovequeer but then ship culture gets ahold of them and suddenly it's ALL about. fucking. valentine's day :( this is why i never post my ship fics smh

anywaysssssss that was an excuse for me to come onto your asks and thank you for existing bc any time i feel slightly unenthusiastic about being aro i just. look through your posts and my day gets better <3 also your poetry is stunning and you're just overall very cool :)

dude cause here's the thing i love reading fanfic... a pairing enjoyer even... but GOD people are fucking weird about when you make characters aspec. anyway i think we should all be writing more aspec characters. together we can redefine relationships one day at a time through the ultrapowerful medium of internet fanfiction /j

(similar but unrelated gripe. godddd nothing has me rolling my eyes harder than bitches putting unearned love confessions in fanfic. amatonormativity does a lot of awful things societally but i think perhaps the worst is having a perfectly good author write a perfectly good fic only to end it with a total mood change of "i love you..." "i love you too..." they would not fucking say that actually!!!! denormalize love confessions there's no fucking reason for those guys to be using the l word like that. let them live)

u r always always welcome to stroll on in to the ask box whenever you please i love to have you here :) took me a while to answer this (<— guy who is terrible at answering asks in a reasonable time span) but! a delight to see and i'm so happy that this is a nice space for you <3 i love love love being aro it's one of the best parts of my life and i am so delighted to have the chance to share that with people. together! we can spread aro joy and delight in the beauty of a world where we are aromantic. you're SO sweet though ab my poetry thank you so much!!!! i am constantly in a state of "i need to write more poetry about aromanticism" and you know what. i need to write more poetry about aromanticism. very very flattered that you think i'm cool <3 sending affection your way, i hope you're enjoying the holiday season if you celebrate anything! xoxoxo

[game-set-canet]

I love Christmas and every year i can't wait for December and Christmas because somehow the Christmas holidays are something really important for me. I love to spend Christmas in a quiet way with my family and every year i write a little letter to my closest friends of how much they mean to me. And i want to do the same here on Tumblr:

Dear mutuals, dear people i love to see on my dash bc you make me happy, dear friends,

my year wasn't easy. There was so much happening in my life in 2022 and a hugh part of it wasn't that positive or beautiful.

But as funny as it might sound i think you guys really helped me through this whole sh*tshow disaster: sometimes with your really sweet and caring dms, sometimes with encouraging comments under my posts, sometimes with very creative and funny asks or just because you made me smile a little with one of your posts.

I love loging on to Tumblr because i know i won't get judged because of things that i do or things i don't do. I know i can be quite ✨special✨ sometimes and i can be really annoying or i don't make any sense. And i know that it's not always easy with me (since i tend to open dms, read them and forget to answer them or stuff like that but i want to say i appreciate every single message you send and i love talking to you).

So i want to say thank you: thank you for listening to my (sometimes really uninteresting) person rambling (and still liking it), to my motogp/2/3 followers: thank you for dealing with my tennis obsession (sometimes I'm not aware that a third of my blog consists of Alcaraz, Rublev and all the other tennis players), to my tennis follower: thank you for dealing with my motogp/2/3 (and Rinaldi) obsession (and sometimes I seem to forget that another third of my blog already consists of posts about how much I love Canet, Bezzecchi and Rinaldi), to my wintersport-fan-followers: thank you for following me although i seem to forget that all the wintersport athletes still exist in summer and don't post a single word about them.

Thank you for making me laugh with your posts, comments and asks. Thank you for often encouraging me when things aren't going so well.

So, to those who celebrate it: Merry Christmas! Apart from that, I wish you all the best, that your wishes and dreams come true and also (although today is December the 24th) all the best for 2023.

Every single one of you deserves the world and I probably wouldn't have made it through the year without you.

Yours, Mira

thank you to everyone who follows me and therefore reads this!

and a special 'thank you' for your dms/asks/comments or just that you are on Tumblr and post:

@waru-chan8 @colourful--bubbles @lxndonorris @bwehdal @andreyrublevs @lewizhamilton @tam-is-blogging @vivalaxnda @melissa-leaf @augustofernandez37 @soronya @ryoyukobayashis @aliceinqueensland @melxncholyman @charlitosalcaraz @thedutchgirl46 @collecting--stardust @racingmuppett @hola-felicidad @kodachromatics @worldchampionpeccobagnaia @ofbooksandstardust @bahattinscar @acrazybayernfan @kuumaasikas

I'm a 100% sure that i forget someone and i'm terrible terrible sorry! Feel hugged! You're very important to me!

[the-empress-7]

#1: Please post anonymously I’m reading a lot of comments of disbelief of how this family could continue to include/acknowledge this duo. Just my two cents/experience of being stuck between a rock and a hard place because of a family member. I have a parent who I highly suspect has a personality disorder (suspect because he’ll never admit he has the problem or sought out psych help, in his view I’m the problem.)

#2 I can totally sympathize with the BRF as I know how emotionally draining their situation can be. They get accusations of being prejudiced because of a lack of a title. I received accusations of being a 5-letter word that rhymes with “witch” or a 4-letter word that end with “-unt” because I have a Master’s degree while he only has a high school diploma. In his opinion, my social status is higher/better than his (not to mention salary). In his mind, he must bring me back down to his level.

#3 This only one example. Another? I was inducted in my profession’s national honor society in graduate school that was given to the top 5% of my graduating class and given an award to acknowledge my academic success. I keep it in a drawer in my closet. Why? Because at the award ceremony, he made a big fuss in front of my professors that I should share it with him because he was responsible for the vehicle I needed to get to/from graduate school while I commuted (I’m not even joking).

#4 So instead of proudly displaying that distinguished award, it’s kept in a drawer. (He can’t take credit for what is not on display, correct?) He punched me (literally) because one day he had a bad day at work and I “made too much noise” doing the dishes. (That was the catalyst for limiting contact).

#5: Do I still celebrate Christmas with this man? Yes. Do I still make a big deal out of Father’s Day? Absolutely. Why do I do this!? Because one afternoon of limited interaction with this man is more tolerable than one week of passive aggressive text messages and accusations for not giving this man the attention that he feels that he justly deserves.

#6: I sympathize with the BRF, I really do. I suspect they’ve also been between a rock and hard place for too long.

#7: Forgot to add that while I may celebrate the obligatory major holidays with my dad, I do not give him any opportunity to share the more intimate moments and celebrations of my life anymore. I save those events for the ones that truly love me and make me happy. Again, can totally understand/sympathize the predicament the BRF experience too often these days.

=====

Anon, first of all, if I were your parent I would be sooooo proud of you. Life dealt you a really shitty hand and yet you finished grad school. So guess what? No one can ever take that away from you. Not even him.

Sending you much ❤️

[hotarutranslations]

~MOTTO MORNING MUSUME~ First Day!

Morning Musume '24 Concert Tour Spring ~MOTTO MORNING MUSUME~

First day!!

Thank you very much, for the afternoon and evening performance!!

I met with everyone I really wanted to meet,

Also I was bathing in the cheers that I had wanted,

The lights were shining so much, it was like Morning Musume was who I wanted to meet as well,

What I like is here, after all…🏅

I really felt that with this first day

I like it….☺️🫶🏻

With Morning Musume songs, There are times where it suddenly hits me, That I'm singing Morning Musume songs

I myself will really feel, these kinds of things a lot, and then I send it out

Speaking of, the first day!!!

With just today, I am sure there were those of you that just had tickets for today and were looking forward to it, I did it while thinking of that, did you enjoy it to your hearts content🌏💫

For us from now on, we will be performing around the country but,

I'm looking forward to cherishing meeting you in each and every place🪽

To those celebrating their first day tomorrow, Fufu! Look forward!

In any case for today,

for your crazy amount of support,

Also standing on stage and really seeing, eeveryones really kind smiles,

Thank you very much!!!

Kitagawa Rio-chan, Happy birthday---🩵🩵🩵

There are many things I liked

But since it would be a spoiler a wont say them

Therfore I've ended up writing something simple but, I really, really, like the charm of Kitagawa on stage! I really like it! I can only simply write this, Its at times where I can't disclose it? so, I'll say it again, I really like it!

I hope you're 20th year is also a year of spreading your wings🪽

Congratulations------🩵

Spring tour tickets are on general sale..

🩵🎫e+ 🩵🎫TicketPia

📺Hello Pro Dance Gakuen Season 11

April 18th 11:30PM~ A Learning From TSUKUSHI-san Adventure🕺

In season 10 we challenged breakin', its reairing continuously! On the 15th, 17th, 19th, 20th, 21st, 22nd, #1~#6 all at once! Check out HP for info!

Sendai Broadcast "Ara Ara Kashiko" Every week (Sat) 10:25AM~ Ishida Ayumi Goes~!

I appear once a month as part of the AraKashi Family

The previous shows, and makings, are on OX VIDEO STORE!

Also on YouTube

Sendai Broadcast Ara Ara Kashiko

📺"HinaFest 2024" Before Special ~NamaTake Member Great Gathering 2 Hour SP~ (tenative)

CS TV Asa Channel March 24th (Sun) 12:00PM~

Thank you for following.. Instagram💙🩵

💿Releasing February 7th

Morning Musume '23 25th ANNIVERSARY CONCERT TOUR ~glad quarter-century~ at Nippon Budokan

Thank you for waiting for the Blu-ray&DVD! Its finally releasing--!

Its already nostalgic but, It has an amazing medley, really Please enjoy it many times

📚Releasing on February 7th "Hello! Project BEST SHOT!! Vol.26"

Ishida AyumixOda SakuraxNonaka Miki📸 Fukumura MizukixIshida AyumixOda Sakura📸

✍🏻Tokyo Sports note Series #146 Memories of Panda(san) Village with the two that were like elementary school students

🪩Spring Tour Has Been Decided Morning Musume '24 Concert Tour Spring MOTTO MORNING MUSUME

We'll be going around the country from March 16th!

🪩HinaFest March 30th and 31st at Makuhari Messe

🪩JAPAN JAM Morning Musume '24 will be performing on May 3rd!

⚾️《LIVE DAYS！～Exciting Big Exhibition Match～》 June 2nd(Sun), after the Hokkaido Ham Fighters vs. Yokohama DeNa Baystars match, Morning Musume '24 will be having a special mini live!

.👗👠 Aoyama Clothing x Morning Musume '24

📻Morning Musume '24 Morning Jogakuin ~Houkago Meeting~

Airs Every Saturday, On Radio Nihon at 12:00AM~

Past Broadcast Episodes Are Available →Program Details

Yamazaki Mei's Panda-san Daisuki!! ~Expressing Love Towards My Favorite Panda-san♡ ver.~ in Adventure World

Yamazaki Mei's Panda-san Daisuki!! Mei-chan's Holiday. Adventure World with Oda-san and Ishida-san

see you ayumin <3

[lemmilemura]

Merry Christmas everyone! (Those who celebrate)

Happy Holidays!

The year has come to an end, and looking back, Tumblr has made mine so much better, and it's all thanks to you!! The support I have received from you all, the requests and ideas, it's made me feel so happy. This year has not been easy for me, a lot has happened in my personal life, but Tumblr has been a constant good thing :)

I'm sorry I only did, like, 3 streams, I'll try to do more in the coming year, maybe some more casual streams, feel free to send in some ideas!

To everyone who has sent in a request that hasn't been answered yet, I am so so sorry, I promise I am working on it, I have so many drafts that I want to work on, but I just don't know how to add to them. I promise you I will post it next year! (If I somehow drag it until 2025 please shoot me xD)

Thank you all so so much for your support throughout the year, it's made me happier than ever. You are all so appreciated and loved <3 I cannot wait for another year of writing for the handsomest boi!!

-LemmiLemura

[mosaic-system]

Hi there Lovely! I saw your reblog on my post and just personally wanted to wish you all a Merry Christmas <3 I hope you don't mind!

I understand that it may be a hard day, so I'm wishing and hoping that it is at least very peaceful for you all! And that you're able to have the time to take good care of yourselves!!

Stay safe and Happy Holidays <3

- Riri 💜

Thank you! I definitely still appreciate the well wishes even though it’s a hard time for us.

It won’t be a good time, but I know we’ve made it through every year before. And I know based off this pattern we will also make it though this year.

I am blessed to be out of an abusive situation for the first time this Christmas, and I have a lovely cat and dog that are blissfully unaware of the holidays and they do not expect me to be happy in order to show me love and affection, and that thought is the biggest thing keeping me going right now, and I think that’s enough

Wishing you all a lovely holiday and I hope we aren’t too much of a downer on this post, I am very happy that those who celebrate abd can feel the joy, and I am always excited to encourage those of you who do celebrate to go all out with your celebrations!

For those that don’t, we understand end send all thoughts of peace and perseverance.

-Cloud + blurry

[maybeimamuppet]

🎄 Send these trees to ten people you wish to have a good holiday and a happy new years!🎄

thank you anon!! the holidays are unfortunately a very very un-merry time for me but this made me smile so thank you :))

i have no spoons left after the last couple weeks to actually send this to anyone so uh

all of you!! anyone who sees this. happy holidays if you celebrate something and happy time if you don’t. and for those of you rowing the same boat as me just know you’re not alone and i’m thinking of you

much love to you all <3

[by-kilian]

Hi KW how are you doing?

I was able to caught up STH because Uni won’t let me breath peacefully

The chapter was

I will say it before and I will say it again Levi and Killian, the love they have for each other can transcend the universe. They know so well each other and their love just puts a sweet delicious and soft domestic touch.

And yes I was so happy of the Farlan and Killian’s conversation. By Killian’s thoughts, we know we will Indeed blame ourselves for our mistakes and it is our nature.

And yes the hospital scene where Killian gets out from her ward. Indeed she is our Killian 🤭 (uh is the line to marry Killian is there??)

The relationship of Killian and Levi is so precious to me because it is humane. When we love someone, we do things we never imagined to and despite of our faults we never get to understand that why they love us so much. Like in hospital if it was old Killian she would leave but levi is there she cares for him so much. It’s like Levi is Killian’s home

Anyways STH is very precious to me and I’m not ready to say goodbye. Have I ever told you that STH playlist is my jam? Cigarettes after sex matches so good with Killian and Levi’s vibe.

I was jumping up and down when desert rose was playing ( I love the playlist a lot and desert rose is one my favorite)

As always thank you for the delicious chapter and take care

Hey love! So sorry for the delayed response, I've been sick since Sunday and the last few days were a complete doozy. Really had to listen to my body to take it easy 😵‍💫 so thanks for your patience. I am doing better now though, and I hope you are well too. So glad to hear uni has been slowing down a little for bit you!

Thank you so much for your kind words about this chapter!! ❤️ I really wanted to convey a lot this chapter, about domesticity, love, forgiveness, change and growth, and I am extremely happy it translated to many of you. I appreciate your thoughtful feedback and I'm just so glad you enjoyed it.

I adore the STH/LDBS playlists as they are quintessential to writing the stories, so I love when you all find songs from it that you also enjoy! If it feels like the songs match Kilian and Levi's vibes, it's purposeful!! :3 Also yes, taste "Desert Rose" is such a beautiful song and Lolo is my girlyyyy, I adore her music so much.

Thank YOU for your support, patience, and love. I am so appreciative of you. I know no one is ready for STH to end, and honestly neither am I, but I also think it's about time we send these two off on their very well-deserved happy endings. <3 Thank you all for taking this journey and ride with me, especially those of you who have been there since day 1. Take care and happy holidays if you celebrate! :3

[rosebud1985love]

Dear Family and Friends:

How are you and your family doing this fall? 

Here in Ukraine, we have had a warm, sunny, pleasant fall. This is unusual; November in Ukraine is usually cold, and sometimes in November we have snow. 

We are doing well, but it has been a rough month and a half. At the end of September Oksana got sick, and then a couple of days later Emma got sick. The doctor came to our house and, after some testing, confirmed that Oksana and Emma had COVID. Oksana was sick for 8-9 days before feeling better and then she got sick again for another 8 days. We were thankful that her mother was able to come to our home to help us with Emma. Both Emma and Oksana were feeling better for 2 weeks, and now at this moment Emma and Oksana are sick again. So, it's been a rough month. As for me, I have been strong and well except for a little cold off and on. 

Emma is already 11 months old, and she is growing fast. On Dec 16th, she will be 1 year old. She is a blessing, and she is so cute! 

At our YWAM base in Ternopil, we celebrated Thanksgiving with all the volunteers and staff. Around 60 people came for the Thanksgiving dinner at our base. There was good fellowship with friends and colleagues. 

Every Thursday evening, I help at our YWAM base feeding refugees, as I have mentioned in previous newsletters. There are around 70-100 refugees who come and eat a warm meal prepared by our YWAM cook. We always have a speaker – either a guest speaker or one of us staff members - and a month ago I was asked to share my testimony. I really enjoyed doing that, and people were attentive and engaged. 

I have continued to do organizing and cleaning at our YWAM warehouse, and I have been helping one of my colleagues with securing and shipping sleeping bags to the frontline soldiers in Eastern Ukraine. We did several trips with the ministry van, and we have been sending sleeping bags as well to a church in Eastern Ukraine to help families stay warm in the houses that got flooded and damaged there. We are sending these sleeping bags ahead before the cold winter arrives, and soldiers are asking for them, as well, because they sleep in cold trenches. So, with all these activities, I am staying busy. 

Our next newsletter will be in February. I am going to the U.S. in January for 3 weeks to get my new driver's license and to visit my parents. My dad is in a nursing home, and my mom is in assisted living. 

Prayer and Personal Needs:

Please pray for our family to stay healthy, especially Oksana and Emma. It's been difficult, and we are tired of being sick.

Financial support for our family for needs like diapers, baby wipes, Formula, and clothes for Emma. (Emma's summer clothes, shoes, and sandals sizes are 18-21. Her Fall and Winter clothes, shoes, and sandals sizes are 21-24 months, and her Spring and Summer clothes, shoes, and sandals size is 2T. If you wish to send some of these items, they can be sent to: Yevgena Konvaltsia St. 9/116 Ternopil Region Ternopil 46020 Ukraine.) We also pray for increased support for daily expenses.

Please pray for my safe travel in January to USA.

Please pray for our daily ministry to be a blessing to all and a witness to the love of Jesus for all.

Please pray for, and consider contributing to, our home purchase. Given the political situation here, we are on hold for purchasing a house. The donated funds are deposited in a bank as a Restricted Fund for our eventual purchase of a home. The taxes on those gifts have already been paid.

We as a family want to wish you and your family a Merry Christmas and a Happy Holiday season. Have a great holiday season! We have so much to be thankful for! God is good, and He is with us always. He is our biggest gift, and we owe Him our gratitude. He is with us in the difficult and in good the times, and He loves and cares for us.

If you can contribute financially to our ministry, please write checks to: 

YWAM Accounting and, on a separate note, please specify that the funds should be designated to: Rosen Klepel. The address for YWAM is: YWAM Accounting/PO Box 3000/Garden Valley, TX 75771. or to: https://give.ywamtyler.org/s/donation?missionaryId=7015f000001K7in. You can donate also through our website rosenandoksanaklepel.com. All donations are tax-deductible.

Thank you for your prayers, support, love, and care!                 

In Christ,                                                                        

Rosen, Oksana and Emma

[carronpatrick]

Man, holidays are so bittersweet when people you loved and planned to have decades of holidays with have died and suddenly those dreams are dead, too. I still absolutely adore Christmas time and I always will but I also always cry many of the days because the loss is so great. It's just... It's so, so much.

It's more than most people will ever go through (and I'm so thankful for that because no one deserves to lose so many people so suddenly and tragically, I don't care who you are, no one deserves the pain I've gone through.)but it's just how God planned my life for me and I'm thankful for the lessons I've learned from the losses.

But! I decided I was gonna decorate for Christmas on Nov 1 because we don't do Thanksgiving anymore. I have our downstairs big tree up and lit and decorated, and we haven't put up our main tree with all of Daddy's ornaments and the yearly handmade ones in a few years. But I got horribly sick and felt like death since mom's brain surgery, lmfao. So it was put off, however! I finally felt better today (yesterday? I think today but I'm not positive, lmfao)!

So, I'm currently sitting with my Christmas Spotify playlist blasting and I'm singing every song and have my window open to feel the cold air and I'm putting up my baby tree and decorations and I feel so happy.

Also, whether you celebrate, or don't, or even if this time of year is just hard on you or you just love it like I do - you will always have a piece of fresh biscotti and mug of warm cocoa and fleecey blanket in front of the fireplace and kind conversation with me. If you want a distraction or a shoulder to cry on or an ear to listen or just a friend to talk with about random things, I am always here and I love every single one of you. 🥰🤍

Also, rambly fun fact about me under the cut for whoever gives a fuck, but basically, I have been known as 'Christmas in a sunshine package' since I was a kid, and despite the pain this time of year brings, I'm still that way. I'm just 'Sunshine' or 'Sunshiney Care' or any other nicknames I absolutely love most of the time, but I'm full on Sunshiney Christmas Care after October ends. 🥰

So! Story time! Christmas has always been my absolute favorite time of year - I was even Mrs Claus in junior high and sang a song to 'Santa', then I was the Nativity Angel and sang O Holy Night another year (in high school, I believe?).

I always sing all the songs and never get sick of them and I watch all the movies from the 1920s til recent day and decorate every single room in the house and I love to go ice skating and light-looking multiple times and make homemade cocoa and drink eggnog and play in the snow when it falls no matter the time of day or night and bake entirely TOO MANY things (I covered our kitchen and dining room and parts of the living room once. 🤭🤷🏻‍♀️)

I go overboard and make and send giant care (heh) packages of like 3 shipping boxes full of fresh baked sweets and the entire year's worth of gifts I pick up here and there and ones I hand make and I hand make cards and mixed CDs and look, just ask @anxiousgirl, I do too much. 😂

But I just love Christmas time so, so much. It is truly my favorite and the best time of year for me. I am so so full of neverending love. And I LOVE to give to others (and I'm allowed during Christmas and it's not considered weird) and watch people be happy and spend time with people and do all the things that we're too busy or broke to do during the rest of the year.

Snow and ice skating and gingerbread houses and our family beignets from my Greatx4 Grandfather who lived in Paris' recipe and biting cold air and matching pajamas and handmade ornaments and family and friends and laughter and love. Even through the heavy losses and the pain my favorite holiday brings, it's still my favorite.

So, if you're still here... If I'm sobbing one day over Merry Christmas, Darling by Karen Carpenter (it will happen, lmao) and then super happy and Ms Claus the next, just know I'm fine.

[discdear]

Happy ( late ) holidays && christmas To those who Celebrate ! And a Wonderful New Year !! Tumblr has been Quite fun , even Though i didnt Use it that Much. Youre all Amazing. <3

( Hey , corp ! if You see This , screenshot and Send to annie — @ dwtcurls , bill — @ xiaeny , mars — @ marscuit , chewp — @ starchewp , quinn — @ olivflowers_ .. Anyone i was Close with: I miss you All and hope every Single one of You have The best year. im Not sure if any of You deeply deeply miss Me , but i miss You all more Than my heart could Handle. i Love you guys So , so much And am desperate to get Back asap. i Promise that i'll Be back before June 2023. Dont forget I'll keep Up with everything and Anything thats Happened. i'll always Be here .. /hug i love You all sm. Pls dont forget me , Angels. Youre all cared For , cherished , loved , appreciated && The darlings ( /p ) of My life. <3 — @fgcorp

With Love ,

Henry / Túlio. )

[ PT / ( Hey, corp ! if you see this , screenshot and send to annie — @ dwtcurls , bill — @ xiaeny , mars — @ marscuit , chewp — @ starchewp , quinn — @ olivflowers_ .. Anyone i was close with: I miss you all and hope every single one of you have the best year. I'm not sure if any of you deeply deeply miss me, but i miss you all more than my heart could Handle. I love you guys so, so much and am desperate to get back asap. I promise that i'll be back before june 2023. Don't forget I'll keep up with everything and anything that's Happened. I'll always be here .. /hug I love you all sm. Pls dont forget me, angels. You're all cared for, cherished, loved, appreciated and are the darlings ( /p ) of my life. <3 — @fgcorp

With Love ,

Henry / Túlio. ) / END PT. ]