#has meant that i'm actually starting to recover slowly

[not-poignant]

Daily excerpt from today's writing, chapter 23 of Palmarosa:

‘Do you want an aesev?’ Alectrona asked Raphael sharply, as she pulled out a chair and sat down. ‘Talk to Eurus, learn how impossible it is for you to train one. And you,’ she said, turning to Cymon, ‘if Eurus gives his permission, I think you should talk to the liyan he’s caught in his web.’ Eurus stared at Astarion coolly for a long time, then he walked away to a chest of drawers and opened them, and came back with something that could have been cuffs, except that they were more complicated than anything Astarion had seen before. ‘This is no mere elf,’ Eurus said, addressing Alectrona even though he stared at Astarion. ‘You, creature, may talk to my beloved aesev under one condition, you surrender the use of your hands.’ ‘Ha! I’m sorry, I don’t know anyone here, if you think-’ The slap when it came was open-handed and unexpected because it didn’t come from Raphael. Eurus’ palm was calloused, and the hit wasn’t as hard as it could have been, but it wasn’t playful, either. Astarion’s head had whipped to the side, his cheek blazed. ‘He’s not yours, Eurus,’ Alectrona said. ‘I don’t mind,’ Raphael drawled. ‘He looks better with some bruising.’ Eurus grasped Astarion’s jaw between strong fingers, even as Astarion opened his mouth in outrage. ‘Cymonitae is the most precious thing in the world to me, and I’d not expect one such as you to understand it. You barely deserve to step foot in this space where we live, let alone share words with him, and if you wish to have that honour, you will surrender the use of your hands for the period of time in which you speak to him. I’ll not have you behave as though you are the one hard done by here, when you feast upon the blood of the living to keep your unnatural life, and the one next to you feasts upon the souls of the innocent.’ ‘I rather prefer the sweetness of corrupting them first,’ Raphael said laconically.

[twilightcitysky]

Everything Is Meant (long S2 analysis, part 1)

I cannot figure out for the life of me how to make gifs so this will have to be a gif-less essay. If anyone more tech savvy than me wants to reblog with relevant media, please do!

I've seen a lot of people saying how Aziraphale's actions in the final ten minutes come out of left field and are OOC, and when I first watched the episode I felt the same, but now I think I couldn't have been more wrong. And I don't think Aziraphale is being controlled... I think the entire season showed us exactly what was going to happen.

On first watch, what struck me was the number of plot points that seemed disconnected. I couldn't figure out how Job related to the present, or the Victorian era, or the Nazi zombies (still at sea on the zombies part tbh). I didn't know where the Maggie/ Nina subplot was going, or why we were bothering with it. Then I put my "psych hat" on and it was like seeing one of those 3D pictures come into focus. It's a psychological networking rather than a plot-driven one, which is what Neil told us to expect.

Detailed analysis under the cut, with spoilers:

I went back through the season in my head and started asking myself: why is this element there? What does it contribute?

1. Start with scene one. Why include it? Does it matter for the climax that Az knew Crowley as an angel? YES. It's actually huge. Angel Crowley was joyful, he was bursting with delight at creation, he was idealistic. He wanted to be a part of everything rather than run away from it, and that's still how Aziraphale feels. He loves being a part of things. He's a joiner. He's a landlord. He dances at clubs and he makes human friends and he learns magic. Crowley the demon doesn't seem to want any of that, and I think that's hard for Az. He wants Crowley to be free of the cynicism he thinks prevents him from enjoying life now. At some level, I think he senses that Crowley is depressed (empathy's not his strong suit but I'm sure he's aware that Crowley's in a "what's the point of it all" kind of mood; see the eccles cakes scene). He wants to fix it. Aziraphale is a fixer. Metatron offers him a chance to do that.

Another thing is that Aziraphale knows Crowley ended up Falling just for asking questions that seemed innocent. That's not okay with him. He thinks that with the two of them in charge they can actually MAKE the changes that Crowley wanted to see way back at the beginning, starting with a suggestion box.

2. Okay, now Jim. Obviously Gabriel/ Jim is the central mystery, but why does he matter? First and foremost: he's there to show Aziraphale that angels can CHANGE. Gabriel terrorized and threatened Aziraphale. Az has been terrified of him. He ordered Aziraphale's execution. And now here he is, drinking hot chocolate, doing noble self-sacrificing things, with morals that suddenly align with Aziraphale's. What an absolute game-changer that must have been! He thought Heaven was unfixable, but here's Gabriel in his shop for weeks, slowly convincing him otherwise.

Then two other things happen. First, they find out that this all happened to Gabriel essentially because he fell in love. He was fired and his memories were stolen and the only reason he recovered was because Beelzebub happened to give him the one thing that could save him. That must have seemed like incredible luck. Now, how does Aziraphale feel about memories? He lives in a bookshop that is stuffed to bursting with the records of all of human history, essentially. His memories of his time with Crowley are incredibly precious. He sees, there at the end, that everything he is can be taken from him as a punishment for falling in love. Aziraphale doesn't have a magic fly container. He'd be forever robbed of Crowley, his life, himself. It's a very real threat in his mind when Metatron intervenes.

Which brings us to the second thing. Metatron saves Gabriel. Not only that, he prevents him from being punished for loving Beelzebub and lets them both go. What better way to win currency with Aziraphale? HE doesn't want to go off to Alpha Centauri, he never has, but suddenly he sees that Metatron might protect his relationship. And he's probably the only entity with the power to do so.

So we come to two conclusions: Aziraphale, when he goes off to talk with Metatron, is feeling like maybe it's not intrinsically bad to be an angel. He believed all the angels sucked, and only God was good... but now he sees that even Gabriel can change. He met Muriel, and he likes them. (He also had a huge crush on angel Crowley, which is neither here nor there but he loves Crowley in all his forms.) So if Crowley became an angel again, would that really be so bad? In his mind, it wouldn't change who Crowley is. It would just make them both safer and allow them to be together. (He's wrong! And Crowley doesn't see it that way! But this is a key miscommunication. Aziraphale doesn't really believe that becoming a demon changed Crowley. Back to the first scene, which Aziraphale references during the Job minisode. In his eyes, Crowley is the same person (just more cynical because of what's happened to him)-- so why would it matter if he's an angel again? I truly don't think he was trying to save Crowley, or saying that Crowley would be Better as an angel. To him, it doesn't matter what Crowley is. Which is reductive and harmful, but not the same as thinking Crowley needs rescuing from himself.)

Second conclusion: he sees that an angel and demon can be in love, but they have to run away to be together. Gabe and Beelz couldn't go home again. Earth is Aziraphale's home, but after the attack on the bookshop he learned that without Heaven's protection he can't really keep them safe there. Metatron says: "Come with me, do this thing, and you can have guaranteed safety AND be with the love of your life". Poor Aziraphale wants this with every fiber of his being. All he's ever wanted was for Crowley to be safe. He's never been able to offer it. Over the past four years, he thought they were safe, but he's just learned that he was wrong.

This is getting long. Continued in Part Two!

[order-zerum]

How Zerum Ends

Well, everyone, it's finally happened. The end of Discord Whooves has occurred so now I can talk about what Zerum is and where he was going.

I've said in the past that Zerum's timeline runs parallel to Discord Whooves' timeline, meaning both exist at the same time. And by this I mean events in Discord Whooves line up to the various things that happen to Zerum, starting from the start of both blogs. How this is happening?

Well, Zerum is supposed to be the discord curse in the Doctor's head. He's a literal virus infecting the Doctor's mind, planted there to keep him captive to Discord's influence. The ways you can line up events is through 4 various types of events.

1: Sex. Most of the times that sex occurs, is when The Doctor is overcome by his lust and goes on various sexapades. This doesn't ALWAYS line up, but it does for sure whenever Discord shows up for it.

2: The Light. The light occurs any time The Doctor becomes his old self, undiscorded. It's the glimpses of hope that we get that he's still there, deep down, and the light is a threat to Zerum because if the light stays on, the virus gets destroyed along with Discord's influence. The light's appearance remains consistent with the Doctor's blog, so this is the best way to keep track of where Zerum is in The Doctor's story. I was planning for the light to manifest as a cute creature so people would try to defend it which would ultimately cause more harm to Zerum because the light is basically antibodies.

Eventually the light was going to get so bad that it nearly kills Zerum, during the time that Twilight and Minuette helped the Doctor. Discord seems to have abandoned him but really he can't get in his head during that time.

3: The baby nightmares. These nightmares happen any time Hyde becomes active in The Doctor, and eventually the 'baby' who is actually The Valeyard breaks free of Zerum and escapes the mind prison.

4: Perry Doctor. After the point where Perry appears in Discord Whooves, any time The Doctor is sleeping Perry travels into his mind to interact with Zerum. Perry is a dream traveler, which is why he is able to do this.

Also, there is a reason Perry was able to reach him. Perry travels through the dreams of various ponies and beings, he is a dream traveler rather than a space/time traveler. He found Zerum by visiting his old self's dream, because Zerum is in Dissy's mind.

How was the blog supposed to end?

Eventually, Zerum was going to be able to be convinced to fight Discord when the light shows up and weakens him, and he manages to kill Discord. The event that causes him to have his change of mind is when Discord disguises himself as Perry and attempts to destroy their relationship after he discovered it. But Zerum manages to figure out it's not Perry, and Discord reveals himself. That's when the light returns and Zerum is able to kill him.

Of course, he's accepted that he'll die with Discord, and is ready to accept his fate... but Perry found a way to materialize a TARDIS in The Doctor's mind and rescue Zerum before it's too late.

Zerum is then brought into Perry's dreamscape, where he slowly learns to recover and gain a sense of self worth.

Zerum's cutie mark was going to change to represent his newfound freedom and the self love that he found with Perry's help.

So there you have it, you now know what Zerum's whole deal was, and where the story was meant to go.

This blog was extremely personal to me, and was an exploration of the trauma I had obtained from past abuse, both sexual and mental from horrible people in my past. For a long time I had unmedicated PTSD so this was the best way I could find to cope. The blog was meant to be shocking and to manipulate people into saying and requesting horrible things to feed into the abuse and put people in the place of the abuser, or those trying to help the abused. I'm happy to say while it started out pretty awful, after a while people were much more kind and wanting to help. It started from a very basic hypnosis kink idea, but then I got to wondering why it was a kink and if it was okay to be one. The blog itself wasn't meant as me being kinky, but me exploring 'why does this make me feel this way', and I was able to come to the conclusion that many abuse survivors have these kind of kinks because it gives them a sense of control in something they lost control over in the past. It's a safe way to explore a traumatizing experience, and their own way of having consent in exposing themselves to it. A lot of people assume people are getting turned on by the idea of being abusive, when in actuality most of us are putting ourselves in the victim's role. These are complex feelings but it gives us autonomy over our experiences. It doesn't mean we're turned on by being victims, or that we enjoyed what happened to us. It just means we want to have control over when we feel submissive and vulnerable. We're not 'sick fucks' who get turned on by the suffering of others, most of us would never want anyone to experience what we went through. But we want a safe space to come to terms with our feelings, to feel power in exploring a fantasy situation of powerlessness. This is a process that we need to cope with trauma, and it doesn't hurt anyone but the fictional characters we put ourselves into.

That said, I will be deleting all the posts of this blog besides this one, because it is much to sensitive to me and I've closed that chapter in my life. I don't want this series to be easily found or associated with my original works, so it's time to say goodbye to Zerum. I will leave the posts up for a month so people can read and see all the clues and how the story lines up with Discord Whooves, but after a month is up I will delete the rest of the blog and leave this post in its place.

Thank you all for following, and especially thank you to all who approached this story with understanding. I hope I helped people come to terms with their own traumas, or at least informed people more on what trauma is like.

[villainessxassassin]

Hi! I'm happy your requests are open and i saw You're Ok with angst, so is it possible to request a Riddle x Reader where he's in his overbolt form and says veery bad things to mc (who confessed feelings not long ago) about said confession like "you never were enough" or "how could i like someone like you" BUT AFTER THE OVERBOLT HE DOESNT REMEMBER HE SAID THEM and Trey has to tell him

"The faint feeling of a flower adorned in thorns whenever I look at him."

riddle x reader (angst)

You don't know how happy it makes me to finally write angst again— For you though, I hope your heart aches after reading this, in a good way i mean <3 - kishira

IF THIS FLOPS IMMA CRY CUZ I ACTUALLY ALREADY CRIED WHILE WRITING THIS

Warnings: ooc? Riddle, saying very mean words

A rose covered in thorns was never meant to be held by the naked hand, yet you tried to remove each individual spike, resulting in scars to appear one after another.

Riddle wasn't himself. From tables being flipped over to the garden of roses being diminished to nothing but shaved leaves and broken petals. You knew something had to be done, but you were foolish enough to have presented your feeling so out in the open, thinking this would be the solution.

"Pathetic"

The first thorn emerges

"Is this your way of ridiculing me? Am I to find what you said humorous?" Despite his words he lets out a high pitched laugh.

It grates your ears and accompanied by the mocking smile he sent your way, it made your heart clench, but it wasn't the same feeling that was accompanied by butterflies in your stomach. This... this one hurt.

"What makes you think I would even want to reciprocate, let alone want to accept your confession? Why don't you save it for someone that would actually want to be around your bothersome self— and I couldn't give a care in the world about what trifling feelings you have instore."

Bothersome. Was this how Riddle viewed you all this time? You couldn't help but look back on the times you spent together, to the days you'd spent hours at the library as he'd help you with an upcoming test, or the times when you'd meet up at the rose garden to snack on sweets.

"You were a thorn at my side, or rather a pesky weed in my rose garden." He picked up a rose that was incomplete of being colored fully red, as white still poked at the bottom of the petals. "A temporary thing that in the end was made to be disposed of", he said altogether while crushing the rose in the palm of his hand, disintegrating it in the process. He didn't hold back on his words, venom coating each insult that was thrown at you. You winced as your vision started to blur.

"You were never enough"

"How could I ever begin to like someone like you"

this was too much for your poor heart to take.

And yet you listened, hoping that he'd change his mind and take back what he said, but never once did he look apologetic. Those eyes that were devoided by the care and love you once knew, only staring back at you like the dark abyss, and before you knew it the atmosphere had completely changed.

Time seemed to pass without your knowledge as the sky reverted back to its regular blue color and the air wasn't suffocating to inhale anymore. Students and close friends quickly surrounded the heartslabyul dorm head, worrying for his wellbeing as he slowly regained his consciousness.

Trey and the others were just about to go check on you but you've already been long gone from the scene. You weren't able to see what happened next, yet you couldn't bring yourself to care for the time being as you were slowly retreating back to your own dorm. Who could blame you? with a rejection paired with unkind words towards your person— how could you even begin to care about that person?

*.✧

After Riddle fully recovered from the overblot incident and went back to his regular classes he couldn't help but feel like something was missing.

To be more specific, this something was a someone, and to be even more specific- ah, that's right, where are you? Y/n, you being nowhere in his line of sight seemed off to him. There are times when he'd give quick glances your way to take a peek at your lovely face, masking it with the excuse of making sure you were paying attention to the teacher, but today he comes face to face with your empty seat.

He would have let this slide for the time being if it wasn't for the fact that your bag was present in the classroom, and the class has been going on for quite some time now, so wherever it was that you were, you should have made it back by now.

This was the last subject of the day so after class got dismissed he waited in the classroom since he's got some time left to spare before his housewarden duties await him. It almost took about an hour before he could hear the very faint tiptoed footsteps from outside the classroom.

You'd made the decision of avoiding Riddle for a little while until he got the message that you didn't want to talk or even be near him, so why was he right there in an empty classroom when class was already over? None of your concern, most certainly. Good for him he's finally healed and ready to prance over flower fields and attend tea parties again with a smile on his face, but you are not. So with a quick frown plastered across your face you made a quick beeline towards your bag.

Given you didn't glance once Riddle's way he thought you weren't aware of his presence, so he decided to break the silence.

"Greetings to you as well. Excusing your lack of awareness for your surroundings I-" his half joking sentence was caught off by the sound of you rummaging through your bag, seeming to not care that he was present in the room with you. It seems you were in a hurry, but shouldn't he still get a welcome back for the many days you guys haven't seen each other? He didn't mean to assume or anything, but the reaction he'd expected from you when you saw him was one where you'd leap in to his personal space and ask if he was okay or if he was still hurt, and surely not this.

It's when you fully turned around that Riddle decided to reach out to you. "Hey", no response. His irritation was starting to become more visible with each passing second you weren't paying attention to him.

"When someone's talking it's only common sense you listen to what they have to say, so why-", when he finally reached you he was shocked with how quickly you shrugged off the hand he had placed on top of your shoulder, and in response he flinches. Why were you acting this way?

"And when someone's trying to ignore you, it's also only common sense you leave them be." a glare is accompanied by your statement. The fact that he didn't even begin with an apology about the hurtful things he said was proof that he really didn't give a damn about you.

You added hardening the glare you already had on and tears of frustration threatening to fall, "If you're not going to apologize for the awful and hurtful words you said that day, I don't see a need to continue this conversation any further."

Despite Riddle's unknown confusion to what you just said, he made sure his words came out straight and clear. Yes, he couldn't remember what he said or even a whole of what happened during his time that he overblotted, but a few of his close friends and classmates approached him recently just fine, so he took in what you said as just exaggeration.

His pride was another thorn added.

"I clearly wasn't in my right state of mind, You would've known this if you read on more about overblots, and what's more is that you're being childish! What I said couldn't have possibly left such a negative mark for you to act this way." This wasn't a fight, yet he still couldn't loose, he wasn't raised that way. He was assertive, and quick to harden his resolve that he was always in the right. Perhaps if he knew then maybe there was still time.

But as we all know, time waited for no one

He was insulting you all over again, even now. Childish? And were your feelings that insignificant that he'd pass them on like a small scratch that would soon be forgotten? Your final breaking point has been reached.

"Just shut up! shut it! I can't handle this anymore..."

You collapsed to the floor crying, screaming with every word till your voice started to crack. Riddle was stunned, scared by your sudden breakdown. Starting to regret how mean and inconsiderate his words came out. He went up to comfort you, but you flinched at his touch, inching away ever so slowly as only anger and sadness was all he could see swirling in your eyes. He couldn't move, your words still trying to register in his head as at the same time you decided you just need to get away from all this, from him.

After you had run off faster than the sound of ace and deuce causing a ruckus in nrc could be heard, Riddle stayed there stunned for an extra more amount of seconds before he himself quickly began to run in the directions of heartslabyul dorm. He couldn't care less if he was breaking more than a few rules right of this moment. HECK, he could care less about ANY rules because right now what he needed were answers.

It was clear how you had no intentions of hearing him out, so instead of chasing after a problem he wouldn't have had a proper response to, he decided to search for a different answer. Unfortunately, those answers have been received far too late, after hearing everything he needed to know from Trey, he already knew how much he's messed up.

Perhaps if he wasn't so insistent that he'd keep quiet about his feelings, maybe if he'd opened up to you more, maybe if he wasn't so prideful, maybe if he'd confessed how he felt to you first, it wouldn't have manifested into something his overblot form would have taken out so negatively on you. Maybe you both would have still had a chance.

He'll keep trying for days, weeks even, but there are times where something broken can't always be fixed, or perhaps you chose not to be mended, scared to be broken all over again.

You freed yourself from the wounding flower, scars from the thorns still linger, a feeling you'll never be able to forget whenever you look at him.

____

Gwen: Dayumn this is the first time where I didn’t indulge Kishira with Angst scenarios.

Request open!(until August 20 only!)

[thefringespod]

We're gonna do something a little different this #AudioDramaSunday! This week was one where music was my go-to rather than podcasts so instead of episode reviews, I'm gonna do a track-by-track breakdown of all of the music released so far for The Grotto as I had it on repeat

Starting off with Hush which is the first song on the album and also the show's theme. It's got a brilliant beat to it accompanied by these bursts of vocals that crescendo into a harshness that's excellent. The HUSH gives me chill every time. I'm fully obsessed with this song

The next track is the first instrumental. Dejected feels like the music you would find in a cave. It's creeping and wet and a little haunting before the softness of the piano and the beat hit. This song has a heartbeat to it that feels tangible in the best way

Buried Alive has some of my favorite lyrics Athan has written. There's just something about the way he sings "Maybe I would be happier buried alive" that chills me to the core. Also something you'll notice is Athan likes vocal modulation a lot and it always works so well

Matt's (Usually) Confused is very aptly titled. It starts soft and slowly builds to become more all encompassing, feeling like Matt's racing thoughts as it does so

I Will Follow You Into the Dark fucks me up (positive) "Love of mine, you will die, and I'll be close behind" like Athan how am I meant to recover from that? This song as a depth to it that can be felt, like it's carving its way into a deep cave and submerging itself in the dark

I absolutely adore Emily's Theme! There's something about it that brings the word "fleeting" to mind, like Emily is running through the music and making her way out through the song itself

Which leads us to Stumble Into You and holy fuck yall Lyssa Jay has a lovely voice. Yes I'm biased because I love Lyssa but I'm also RIGHT! This song makes me a little feral, especially where Lyssa and Athan meet in the song its beautifully done

We're at the first cover on the album! This is literally the only version of Ghost of You I will listen to, Athan brings a life to this song that punches to the lyrics way more effectively than the original version does

It's Cryptic in the Grotto is another very well named song because it sure can be cryptic in this godsdamned Grotto. The whispering of it all leaves me unsettled in the best way before opening into this plucky instrumental I'm obsessed with

Looking for Answers is so Orpheus and Eurydice coded that it drives me insane. "I still feel you behind me. Your breath is slow. I'm terrified I'll end up alone." Athan you can't do this to me. There's also a lovely fast bit in this with lyrics ricocheting through the verse

Athan's cover of Hurt might actually be my favorite version of this song I'm sorry except I'm not. It suits Athan's range so well and has this almost gravely texture to it that makes me feel like I'm going feral. Everything about it is deep and dark and wonderful

Coping is NOT aptly named. You know what Matt ISNT doing? Coping. He's not coping AT ALL. It's a beautiful song and it also has some of my favorite Athan lyrics but it's from an episode called Coping and let me tell yall Matt is not making good choices in this show

If You Could See Me Now breaks my heart in the best way. The idea of trying to make someone proud while knowing that you're disappointing yourself so you're not making them proud kills me. The instrumental/electronic portions of this song are incredible

Hush (Acoustic) is wonderful and light and I cannot hear it without thinking of the episode 4 credits which make me want to shake Athan (affectionate)

There is a cover of Chasing Cars (one of my favorite songs of all time) performed by the Fringes' very own @taytayheyhey (one of my favorite people) and it became my most played song of the year *so fast* Its a wonderful and almost haunting cover of one of the songs of all time

Last song! Waiting Room also breaks my heart open in my chest because Athan did lyrics too good. "If you were a waiting room, I'd never see a doctor I'd just sit there with my first aid kit and bleed" circles through my brain at all times and I'll never forgive Athan for it

Everyone should listen to The Grotto because it kicks ass And you can check out the whole album on bandcamp https://thegrottopod.bandcamp.com/album/the-grotto-season-1-part-1. Athan said it should be on Spotify soon as well

In terms of shows I actually listened to this week, I listened to the new eps of @tellnotalespod , @woebegonepod , and @camlannpod which were all incredible as always

Here on the Fringes you can access episode 21 right now by visiting patreon.com/PineTreePods! This episode is very dear to my heart and I can't wait to share it with y'all

Thats all for this week! Please check out The Grotto if you haven't already (and not just because my friends are there it really does kick ass) Should be back in the swing of podcasts this week so expect a regular ADS post next week :)

[klutzyroses]

Hey!!! Love your work so much! How would the Vampires react to MC feeling playful and smacking their butt just randomly?! MC gotta get that cake😂

I couldn't write this with a straight face, I'm sorry.🤣

IkeVamp HCs: Getting Smacked

How do the react to the reader smacking their behind?

Suitors: Leonardo, Theo, Isaac, Faust

Leonardo

Ha, he isn't bothered a bit. He is actually very much amused.

Playful are we, Cara mia?

He won't mind but he will get you back, that's for sure. You won't know when, where or how.

You could be doing nothing when you feel his hand grope you from behind and when you startle, then he will smack it just as hard as you did him.

He will just wink at you, very much pleased with his payback and your flustered face.

Theo

The second you do it, you better be ready to run like the wind.

He will stand there shocked for a few seconds, in stunned silence like a statue, incredulous that you would dare, that you have the nerve to do that.

As soon as he recovers though...it's on.

He will chase after you and make you pay big time.

I hope you're a fast runner, hondje, because he will chase you across the entire mansion, whacking you in the rear the whole time as you run.

Isaac

Poor apple boi never saw it coming. He hadn't the slightest idea what to do. In fact, he had almost fallen over from the shock of what you just did.

What, when, why?!

Those are the thoughts plaguing the slowly reddening physicist. What had he done to deserve that? Was it supposed to be some kind of innuendo?

At some point, his face is hot enough to cook eggs on. He may need to step out for a bit to get his heart started again.

He may have difficulty speaking to you while looking directly at you for a bit...too many embarrassing thoughts.

Faust

Well...you lived a full life. Hope it was good while it lasted, Y/N.

To be honest, on the off chance that you managed to make contact before your wrist was caught, you definitely will not get far if you are smart enough to run.

Then again, if you were smart in the first place you wouldn't have done it at all.

He will grab onto the back of your skirt before you go anywhere, a sharp look gleaming behind those glasses, an equally sharp smile starting to creep onto his face.

Whether you meant it as innuendo or just horseplay...your fate is more or less sealed and you are not going anywhere for a while.

Best of luck to you, guinea pig.

🌸

[drowningyou]

hi everyone!! i'm vi (she/her) and super excited to be here and introduce you to my girl haeun! she's a very conceptual muse and due to undergo a lot of development, so she's still very malleable - we'll see where it goes with her. all important details are under the cut, please feel to reach out - or hit the lil' heart and i will (slowly, we all know what tumblr's been like...). i prefer plotting on discord, but tumblr ims work too. can't wait to talk to you all!

about page / freeform / webweave

kim haeun, in her 50s (appears mid-20s), siren, she/her.

haeun is an odd child. she has weird interests and exhibits some questionable behaviour, but most concerning of all is her fascination for the deep sea and the rifts down there.

there's something that keeps dragging at her. maybe it's the ocean calling, maybe it's a fraying mind - haeun's convinced it's a god she's meant to listen to. she builds this construct of them in her head, prays to them, becomes less of herself in her devotion. i want to be clear here: whether or not this god actually exists doesn't matter. what does matter is that haeun is obsessed with them.

she ends up in a never-ending cycle: she thinks the voices in her head are god telling her what to do. she uses magic, and too much of it. the voices get louder. this is actually her unraveling (and her sanity slipping), but she doesn't recognise those signs; she's sure she's getting closer and closer to a higher power.

haeun is actually a very skilled magician, and known for her this. she's a great healer, but sometimes takes it too far. there's other things she does that she won't remember in the future - i've got a vision for her in my mind but this part is flexible, we can plot around it!

about ten years ago, her mother finds someone who manages to get haeun out of the ocean and onto dry land. she doesn't ever fully snap out of her spiral, but she does start recognising that she's lost some of her marbles. because she's so suspectible to listening to whatever the waves are whispering to her, she's been staying on land as much as possible and trying to piece a life together - it's just that some pieces to this puzzle can't ever be recovered. forever a work in progress, you get the idea.

she doesn't use magic anymore (way too risky), but she does what she can as a healer at reflection's light temple! i envision her performing general healing that doesn't require magic and supervising lower-skilled magic users. her unraveling actually helps with some of this: because her senses are hightened her eyesight and hearing are just better. overwhelming in daily life, kind of helpful if you're trying to listen to someone's heartbeat.

lately, she's been questioning her god, but she's not at a point where she's willing to question whether they exist. she still prays, she's just careful about not overdoing it. she's been trying to ignore the voices in her head.

kind of paranoid, very scattered, frequent gaps in memory. haeun doesn't feel human, and she doesn't try to. she's very smart and non-judgemental, but it can be hard to get through to her. might be dipping her toes into dating life recently but she comes with a lot of baggage and her experience is marginal.

this got very wordy, so i'm cutting it off here! no wanted plots, i like to brainstorm - haeun's heavily chem dependant anyway. and if you have any questions about her, do ask!

[discyours]

I remember reading about your issues with prozac (or some other ssri medication?) i wonder if the horrible feelings you experienced slowly went away and if you took chance and tried another med (or maybe you still are on some?) where you stand on the topic of psychiatric meds overall?

Oh wow it's weird seeing someone reference something I posted about 4 years ago. Yeah, I was on prozac and basically went insane. The period is kind of a blur for me, I think I started taking it in late June and stopped early September. I started feeling like somewhat of a human being again in like... January? Maybe february? It definitely took a lot longer than just the 4 weeks after which it was meant to be out of my system.

I honestly feel like I never 100% recovered from it. I've talked to my cousin about it since, he was also on prozac and he said he permanently lost his ability to feel emotions the way he used to. He goes through things that should make him sad, realizes it should make him sad, but it just doesn't hit him. I don't feel quite the same way but it's similar. I'm just disconnected from myself. Things don't really feel like they're happening to me. I feel like I'm floating through life in a body that's not mine, I'm not quite a person, etc.

I genuinely believe that prozac nearly killed me and I will never, ever try another SSRI. "Try it all and see what sticks" protocol can go fuck itself. But my anxiety got to unbearable severity earlier this year, which did get me to try 2 new medications.

I was prescribed lorazepam for emergencies and still have 90% of it sitting in my closet. Don't understand how people get hooked on benzos, it helped me fall asleep but without actually calming me or my body down in any way and getting a full night's sleep while you're wired the whole time is a distinctly unpleasant experience. When I was able to get an appointment with a psychiatrist he gave me the standard recommendation of either trying another SSRI or moving on to an SNRI (same list of side effects, generally prescribed less often because the risk of side effects is higher, no studies on how likely you are to experience them if you've previously had a bad reaction to an SSRI). I did a bunch of my own research and he agreed to let me try buspirone instead on the condition that I would move on to an SNRI if that didn't work (which I did not stick to lmao). Buspirone gave me super vivid nightmares, and brain zaps when I first started which was pretty unpleasant. My dose got upped to 20mg which made me so exhausted I literally couldn't function. My limbs felt 4x heavier than usual, I had a hard time keeping my eyes open. I remember one of the first days I was on 20mg I was in the city for an appointment and walking around hoping the side effects would pass enough for me to safely make it home. I got a ton of dirty looks because I looked like I was stumbling around drunk, at 1pm. My dose got reduced back to 10mg which was fine, felt like it was only reducing my anxiety a little but it was bearable enough and I didn't have any side effects anymore. Started getting hives so I had to stop taking it, my anxiety didn't go up when I stopped so I think it was just placebo at that point and now I'm not on anything. I'm not remotely anti medication but my experience up until this point has been so bad that I really just don't want to risk completely destroying my mental health and potentially losing my life to "giving it another shot".

Anyway the tiredness from buspirone fucked with my eyesight so I got my eyes tested and spent like €250 on glasses literally a week before I stopped taking it. I can't see shit with them on and I can see perfectly fine without them now. 0/10.

[hotdogdynamitezzz]

thank you so much for this opportunity i wanted to know about my love life this year

thanks again and keep up the good work 🖤

Hi! Thanks for participating in my Valentine's Game💕

Let's see what we can find out for your love life this year🫶

You have your 7th house in Pisces which contains Pisces Venus at 22° a Capricorn degree that specifically is called the "be killed or kill" degree but I don't believe that applies usually in a chart. I actually have noticed this degree has more of an effect in a regular person's chart to give a sudden rise in recognition or a rise in power after being held back. I personally like to think of this as the phoenix degree "rise from the ashes". Because I've seen it usually holds true & it has a much more realistic and relatable meaning. Another common way I've seen this degree play out is being unfairly limited by something that isn't meant for you and with this degree it can show that thing or person finally dismantling or being cast out of your life in an emotionally tense but karmic way for your own growth. But in no means is this something that will harm or hurt the regular person just because it shows up in a chart.

Basically It's usually about getting in tune with your personal power after a rough patch tbh.

So I just wanted to explain that before we dive into the reading because I know this degree can scare a lot of people! And I don't want anyone to automatically fear their future because of it.

Ultimately a 7th house 22 degree Pisces venus conjunct Neptune is telling of a fairytale romance with a lot of hidden problems. This in my opinion would already be telling of a bond appearing you feel almost overwhelmed by because you may think they're the one. But you could be involved with many romantic partners that try to decieve you or have manipulated your feelings in the past. It's like a knight in shining armor coming in promising you the world and then you slowly start to realize they aren't who they seem. Now idk if you've already been in a past situation like that and you're recovering as pisces is about enlightenment and spiritual awakenings. It's a really good sign for healing unresolved subconscious fears from relationships as it brings new perspectives and puts you into an element of compassion and deeper love.

Orrr if a new relationship is coming in then it will be a deeper connection than you've ever had before, it could be the first long-term relationship that sets it apart from the rest. The reason I also say this is because vesta is in your 7th house and it's the asteroid of devotion and commitment so that's definitely promising. The only thing I'm concerned about is that Venus conjunct Neptune in Pisces just because although Venus is exalted in Pisces, when conjunct Neptune it really brings around feelings of true love that can be deceiving. Your Venus sign does square Mars which can bring a lot of passion but also on and off relationships Almost like you're stuck in which direction to go towards? but the passion is so hot that you might find it hard to not be impulsive. It looks like a relationship coming in could be very turbulent, but I think the Mars aspect has more to do with you feeling indecisive and stuck between where to direct your energy. It could be between a new relationship or maybe career as it's in a capricorn degree. I just see this theme of feeling stuck where to commit your energy this year in 2023 regarding love as it may blind you a little but also enlighten you? so it's pretty interesting.

I am pretty positive you will get into a relationship this year as the 7th house ruler Neptune conjuncts venus in the 7th House. Your pursuit of romance seems pretty high this year.

Another special thing I noticed was that your Chart ruler for 2023 is Mercury which conjuncts Pluto in the 5th House. This is pretty interesting because that's another house of relationships except it has more to do with casual sex and pleasure, basically fwb & hookup situations are usually seen here. Now with Mercury in Capricorn at 29 degrees another special degree signifying completion and the end of a cycle conjuncting Pluto in Aquarius. I really am getting SUCH a strong vibe that there is a relationship here that will be sacrificed to find the right person. Or there's someone in your love life that was playing mind games.

Sacrifices are generally themes of Pisces & Neptune, while Pluto is about destruction and breakthroughs, plus 22 degrees can be seen as intense rise and fall in your life with a person, and 29 degrees is the ending and completion meaning it's time to turn over a new leaf.

There's just heavy breakup vibes of someone that was making you feel insecure or less than. It's more than likely a situationship considering this is going down in the 5th house. This year, you will be pushed into a decision that may end or destroy a superficial bond with someone hurting your ego and enjoyment in life to find a partner that will stay devoted. It feels like an awakening in what love actually is for you.

Ah I loved that reading; you had a really interesting SR chart for this year! Goodluck boo! and remember always prioritize yourself <3

[liverpool-enjoyer]

Prepare for a long-ass length ask:

Leo

YES. PSYCHIC/NORMAL 100%

"using calm mind 24/7" -> Love this

But also Belly Drum-

Lowkey picturing him as a Lioone for whatever reason-

Ney

Again, 100% agree! What else is there to say haha

BUT (as a gym leader) he has one random Ludicolo-

"Why do you have a Ludicolo when you're an electric type?"

"Because he's just a groovy lil' dude :("

Jordan

My bbg-

I'm so biased towards him it's pathetic-

Imagine: Flareon Jordan <3

Hidden ability Guts and a move pool consisting of Will-O-Wisp, Flare Blitz, Helping Hand, and Double-Edge

Works well with Poison Andy (more below!) and Grass Trent (more below!) to trigger Guts!!

And just like Jordan, this move set is all or nothing. Both Flare Blitz and Double-Edge have so much recoil damage, but Jordan is okay with being Poisoned or Paralyzed by Andy or Trent to boost the damage/recoil further.

And while he could open Helping Hand or WOW for a recovery move, how would he help Virgil?

The Team >>> Him. <- Or that's what he thinks at least...

Virgil

100% agree with the typings again!

"i realize this leaves him quad weak to fighting n fire" -> Which is why he's weak to Jordan haha

In a double battle with Jordan, I'd have him set up an Iron Defense first while Jordan burns with WOW.

Follow that up with a Helping Hand boosted Iron Head and it's over.

Luis

Nothing to say here when it explains itself haha

Andy

Love water type Andy!

But also consider: Water/Poison

Why? Andy is a nasty little bugger who will wear you down slowly over time. A defensive type but is capable of dealing big damage if you let him.

Imagine: Toxapex Andy with the Merciless ability and the move pool consisting of Baneful Bunker, Venoshock, Hydro Pump, and Recover.

I remember using a Toxapex like that in Pokemon Showdown. Always ends in a win or a rage quit by the other player lmao

Trent

Agree with you 100% once more

But consider: Remove Grassy Terrain and add Vine Whip for damage. Plus he does tend the whip the ball into the opponents box!

Him and Andy would be crazy together. It would be a stall-battle.

Sergio

Same as Luis haha

Millie

I raise you Rock/Fighting Millie

"how rock type gym leaders tend to be the first you face in the game as theyre meant to show new trainers the ropes" -> Yes but Millie as a Radical Red/Emerald Kaizo starting Rock gym leader-

AKA: Will shut you down before your nuzlock even begins.

Klopp

Something is telling me to add a secondary Psychic typing.

Too bad this means Dark type Pep beats the shit out of him-

BUT nothing that a little Destiny Bond can't fix!

Alisson

If this is based off of @liverpoolfanfiction's Supernatural AU (I've stumbled across it before!) then...

Imagine: Cutiefly Alisson

OR Mawile Alisson except instead of a big mouth, it's a big glove haha

I really geeked out over this (particularly Jordan/Andy as you can tell haha), so thank you so much for accepting my request!! <3

EHEHEHEHE MORE SOCCER/POKEMON CROSSOVER TO GEEK OUT OVER THIS WAS A FUN READ TY LUV

ohmygosh i cant BELIEVE youre a showdown toxapex user LMAOOOO. i love using toxapex myself but playing AGAINST it??? every time i see that my opponent has one i hafta take a second to think abt whether i have the time for this, cause i KNOW im not going anywhere anytime soon

i actually considered making andy a poison type like real shit!!! but i didnt rlly know to put it into words without making him look like a DICK lmao

N NUZLOCKE KILLER MILLY IS SO ACCURATE LMAOOOO I LAUGHED

im feeling VERY inspired to do a "INSERTPLAYERHERE's pokemon team" series rn,,,

thank you so much for this lovely reaction/ask i am LOVING geeking out over pokemon n football w you <3

[evevoli]

Hey Ev! Sorry to pester you again, but I came across your Hunter playlist on Spotify and it is very good!! I was wondering if you would be willing to kinda share yout thoughts on it, or like behind it? Why you chose the songs you chose for it and in that specific order and stuff, it'd be cool to hear! Also just,,, the three last verses of Dear Wormwood after Thanks To Them.... oh.... Oof, even... Anycase have a nice day! 🌻

oh boy howdy i have been waiting to hear these words all my life

i promise you are not pestering me at all bdjfjdjfks i am frothing at the MOUTH at the opportunity to talk about this damn thing lol. this stupid playlist is my magnum opus my baby i have spent like 2 hours meticulously organizing it yes im normal why do you ask

the hunter playlist in question for everyone else

the playlist's structure is generally meant to follow hunter's growth as a person, starting from pre-canon childhood to the present, and is at times loosely based on the five stages of grief. (this "grief" being the revelation that his entire life has been a lie.) to split it into sections, the first 20 songs are meant to catalogue hunter's experience being raised by belos and rise to the position of the golden guard. 21-27 is his gradually expanding worldview through hunting palismen to any sport in a storm, after he meets flapjack and the hexsquad and starts slowly questioning his beliefs. 28-42 is hollow mind and the direct fallout of that—with 33-45 centering around the "anger" stage of grief—and 43-48 is his feelings between labyrinth runners and king's tide. 49-58 is firmly in the "depression" stage, with everything after 59 being when he reaches acceptance and is able to truly start to recover.

putting this under a cut because i swear it is longer than the damn bible, but below you will find a more in-depth song-by-song breakdown. never underestimate the power of a very exhausted college student who drank too much soda's ability to think about one particular fictional character ig.

to start, i put dear wormwood at the very beginning to act as a sort of "prologue" to the playlist and set the stage for what's to come, and also because it is THE Hunter Song(tm) and i need to make sure everyone knows it. that song has had a flashing neon sign with hunter’s name on it in my brain since eclipse lake at least.

bumblebees are out, because it's so short and blatantly "oh this is hunter and belos", acts as a clear divider between dear wormwood and the rest of the playlist, with fish in a birdcage being the official "start" to the narrative. this song and helplessness blues after it then act to sort of sum up hunter's general feelings growing up isolated in the coven.

english house through you're a useless child (君はできない子) is actually from belos's perspective indoctrinating him, and then love me love me love me (愛して愛して愛して) onward is back to hunter. the next several songs detail hunter's experience as the golden guard. life itself is a recent addition mostly just there for vibes and because the first verse fits lol (thanks skit) and honey i'm home and saint bernard are the two obligatory Religious Trauma Bops i hope to make animatics for eventually. icarus (Bird Symbolism #1) through stonewall stone fence is meant to be from the perspective of an outsider looking in (aka the audience) and going "oh this kid is Not Well" it is Necessary. (silhouettes particularly fucks me up lol i need to make a dadrius playlist)

with that all being said there beneath is where his character arc in the show proper actually kicks in. it acts as a divider between the prior songs to say "oh he is Thinking about Things." [insert that shot of him looking out his window at the end of hunting palismen] the songs from notos don't really fit in chronologically—torches would actually fit better earlier, and the other two later—but they flowed better here lol. bad blood is mostly vibes i don't even remember why it's in there, something something it being about god creating man paralleling belos creating the grimwalkers, but i like it too much to take it off lmao. this section is basically all of hunter's beliefs slowly slowly starting to crack throughout his Field Trips With The Good Guys.

uso janai is where shit gets Real; this one is actually from luz's perspective after half-befriending hunter in hunting palismen and then wanting to get him away from belos after You Know. escapism is back to hunter—more questioning, and the line "i'd rather be free" calling back to his desire to choose his own future—before shit goes down.

pale white horse and where is your rider happen specifically during the confrontation with belos in hollow mind. the actual songs are about uhhh,, an abuse victim being approached by the personification of death itself (when the other three horsemen failed to rattle them) and being scared shitless before realizing death had been their abuser disguised the entire time which fits with. well the last 5 minutes of the episode.

the next songs until around whisper encompass the time between hollow mind and labyrinth runners where hunter is alone to process things. the extra oh hellos songs there are him thinking back on his life and all the harm he'd caused working under belos as everything is recontextualized. (plus passerine has that extra bird symbolism fuck yeah)

(if you think there's a lot of the oh hellos in this beast oh my god. i think i had to physically restrain myself from adding like 70% of their entire discography at first im pretty sure the entirety of dear wormwood was on there for a little bit. it's all hunter. i am deranged.)

from this point onward starting with james picard, the playlist structure really kicks into the 5 stages of grief high gear, with everything before pale white horse generally being denial and these next several songs shifting into anger. this section until time to move on is what i like to call hunter's Religious Trauma Breakdown Arc where he's just thinking things through and gradually becoming angrier and angrier at the universe as it all sets in no im not projecting

(also i should note that the order from here on is a little fucky and songs are mostly chosen by what flows best sound-wise; if we're going just by lyrics it'd be something like where is your rider > the garden > dear god > let it burn > dream with everything else tacked on afterward)

sweet sacrifice specifically gives me mad "angry at your shitty parent for years of Nonsense" vibes no im not projecting and obsolete is. bro come on just listen to the lyrics. "you bring me back to life so you can watch me die" it's out of my hands at this point bsjfkfkd

the Our Last Night Trifecta is meant to be hunter's thoughts upon realizing he's effectively out of the coven after labyrinth runners. sunrise would actually fit better lower in the playlist but i wanted to keep them together in order for the flow bshfksk. lie to me is the Oh He Has Friends To Help Him Through This song and more than this stands as hunter and the hexsquad both vowing to protect each other from belos,, ,, oh he has friends to help him through this,,,,,, arsonist's lullaby is there to sort of say "you're not outta the woods yet kiddo" but it's also mostly there because. philip notably has a fire motif going on with him and im a huge slut for symbolism X)

starting with bird song, we have officially entered Hunter's Depression Era after king's tide. bird song is mostly there because Oops! All Bird Symbolism. the moon will sing grabbed me by the throat with Sad Boy Vibes it's sort of there as a retrospective "wow that whole thing was fucked up" on hunter's part, and unraveling is literally only there because the first verse reminded me of darius but it's got that post-hollow mind "shit ive lost literally everything" feel going for it so in it goes. lyrically these both fit better during the initial anger pain spiral (around where the garden is) but again, flow.

(note that ive barely touched this section moving forward since thanks to them so the songs here are a lot more vague, predictive Being Sad And Healing type shit; i will probably do an overhaul after season 3 is over and his canon character arc is actually complete. i havent added anything with the events of thanks to them in mind because i don't want to disrupt the flow i have, however i am actually planning to add who am i by cami-cat eventually; it gives off MASSIVE post-hollow mind hunter and luz vibes)

welcome home, son gives off a very specific emotion i cannot describe you're just gonna have to trust me on why it's there but let the river in is peak "lmao fuck my dad" energy he needs this . uneven odds is more vibes (+ camila going is anyone gonna parent this and not waiting for a response) but you understand right. He Needs This.

lost in paradise sort of represents a low point during the timeskip in thanks to them; that lingering feeling of "everything is (comparatively) fine now so why can't i be happy and feel like i deserve to be" that will no doubt be haunting him for years. glow is straight-up about grief and i put it there initially looking at it from a "healing from non death-related trauma" angle but after uh. You Know. i am seeing it differently,,,, kokoronashi + can i believe you build off of the thing i said about lost in paradise with that "why can't i feel like i deserve to be happy" thing plus my favorite, "feeling inherently unlovable what do you even see in me."

eight through soap is him clawing out of that mindset and deciding maybe kindness and trust is Good, Actually (said through tears). love like you is love like you and wanderer's lullaby is Me Specifically reaching into the screen and giving him a hug /j (it's actually his like 5 parental figures telling him they love him <3 i have a lot of feelings about this song okay) the author once again plays off hunter's desire to choose his own future with him finally being allowed to do so, and ready now is exactly what it says on the tin. that he's going to be okay.

finally, FINALLY, thus always to tyrants finishes things off with a bookend to dear wormwood. this song ends the dear wormwood album with the victim staying firm in their decision to leave their abuser with a hope that they become a better person someday; hunter is now on the road to recovery away from belos, closing up his character arc while still leaving the path ahead relatively open-ended. (i chose make this one last since it feels less "final" than the prior two songs—signaling that his journey is far from over—and, y'know, bookending.)

this is quite possibly the longest post i have ever written but!! thank you for giving me the opportunity to talk about this abomination lol i worked. way too hard on it bhsgsdkh hope that answers your questions and lmk if you have any other thoughts!!! <3

[idle-compy]

s5 spoiler review ahead!!

Ok, so I didn't do a review while watching this time so we'll see how much I remember. Also, this is probably more of me talking about my favorite moments rather than a review

First of all, this season was so much better than 4. It actually developed the characters and focused on their relationships with each other. I loved the fact that the characters felt real. They were joking around, trying to have fun when it wasn't really the time. They were being kids. Also, so much more dinosaurs and so much less robots.

Yasammy canon?!?!?! I mean I knew it was gonna happen but when it happened?? Ya girl lost her mind. The kiss??? Absolutely spectacular. Sammy pretending like the didn't hear Yaz so she would repeat her confession?? They're secret "I love you" language?? I will never recover

And on that note, Ben being absolutely the perfect person for Yaz to go to about it. He knew exactly what to say and the scenes of him trying to get them together were so wholesome but also lowkey hilarious

And Ben in general?? Like they somehow took perfect s4 Ben and made him more perfect. Also that scene where Bumpy was going after him while controlled was insane. The way Ben was just going to accept his fate, but not blame Bumpy because she couldn't help it, and then she managed to break control of the chip so she wouldn't have to hurt him :'))

Also I'm so glad that Darius finally got to process and talk about his feeling with someone. Him lashing out at Kenji?? He has been way overdue for all that. I did appreciate that this season adressed the fact that he shoves his feelings down

Brand, Dave, and Roxie showing up early in the season was absolutely perfect. Even though it took them until the last episode to actually find them, I loved getting to watch the lead up to that. Also, Mae working with them was perfect

Mae was also a delight once again this season. The way she was willing to sacrifice herself to Nublar if it meant Mantah Corp not getting what they want. Absolutely iconic of her

Kenji's dad just kept getting more and more awful. Everything you think he couldn't get worse he did. It was hard to watch him lie and manipulate Kenji to get what he wanted. That showdown scene between him and Kenji at the plane?? He couldn't even tell his son he cared about him or that he loved him, and barely put up a fight to get Kenji on that plane before just leaving him there

I actually liked Kenji's development. Watching him slowly fall into this mold his father was making him into, working really hard just to make his dad happy, just to realize he cared about his business and his name more than his own child. The end where he realized he didn't really have parents anymore was painful

But, while it's depressing, he got a better family!!! Seeing Darius' mom take him in instantly made me cry so much

On that note, the reunions scenes!! When Darius and Brand saw each other again?? That's when my tears started and then didn't stop for the rest of the episode. Also seeing how excited Dave and Roxie got to see these kids they only knew for a week, and then the kids reuniting with their parents. I was just a sobbing mess by then

When it cut to grown Darius giving a speech, I just broke. He's grown so much!! And then Kenji was still there!! Living with him!! They're brothers!! And they we got to see the rest of the campfam??? Sammy and Yaz live together, Ben's off working alongside dinos with Mae, and Brooklynn's a detective?? Perfect. All of it. Except for Yaz, Sammy, and Ben's designs?? Yaz and Sammy just looked cheap (Sammy was still in the same shirt) and, I don't know, just wasn't really digging Ben's

Ok, now for some smaller things I loved that I can remember

Darius cried!! Three times!! Finally!!

"But have you ever though about that maybe you want be more than best friends?" "Um, Yaz. Bumpy's a dinosaur? I just don't think it would work"

Also Ben's awful accents?? Peak

Brands new jacket!!

I know I mentioned it above, BUT THE YASAMMY KISS?? I will never stop thinking about it

"I've been trying to tell you something all day just waiting for the perfect moment, but there are no perfect moments and even though I probably still smell like the tunnel and it looks like you have nothosaurus drool in your hair and Ben is standing right there... I can't wait another minute to tell you how I feel!!"

The kids creating a new watering hole for the dinos!! And they dived off the cliff into it!! And Yasammy jumped together!! Holding hands!!

The Nublar Six. That's all I'm gonna say

Ok this is all I can think of for now!! It will probably be updated throughout the day

[retphienix]

My newest guy had the saddest and most drawn out death imaginable.

He spawned in a police station and immediately decked himself out with guns, nightsticks, and some good clothing- but zero food or water holding tools of any kind. (worth noting this world has been going on a while, so free resources like water and power aren't a thing, rotten food a plenty, so things can be rough)

So, with zombies on his ass, he took a drink from the nearest working water source, and began walking.

All in all, felt pretty confident. Guns weren't of much use to me for a long while, but I had some nice clothing for the time of year and even a free duffel bag.

Then I noticed just how many zombies had my exits blocked.

And my only option became walking to the nearest wooded area because I was so infested and had too much aggro.

But hey, that's not too bad, this character is LITERALLY meant for the woods, that's what I made him for! He's a foraging outdoorsy type whom I made to try building up in the woods- no big deal at all :D

But uh, the longer I walked, the more doomed this started to feel. The woods, for some ungodly reason, were CRAWLING with zombies, just one for every tree, that was new, so I kept walking.

Then I started getting thirsty.

Then I started realizing I have literally no idea where I'll get my next drink.

No bottles or pots or anything to hold water (or rain), no water sources, no buildings, like, anywhere. I could circle back to where I began which would work, perhaps I should have, but the forest between me and that zombie infested zone is just another zombie infested zone and I'm working with a couple nightsticks, low endurance, and guns (the death sentence that'd be).

I figured the smarter play was to push forward- find something new to explore rather than relying on what I already knew was dense with zombies.

Well. Keep walking. I found a path, it has to lead SOMEWHERE.

It didn't.

My health draining, I begin to wonder what kind of sick joke I'm living through. This road lead to a dirt path which lead to a pseudo path which all lead to nothing.

I eventually found SOMETHING near the path, but it was a half shed with concrete bags and more zombies for the congo line. At least the trees mean I can cut off this trail whenever I want, but with no goal that didn't hold much value just yet, better to just let the zombies follow and cut line of sight when it mattered.

Eventually I came to accept that this would be my first character to die of thirst.

The silly guy forgot to drink water, HA!

But then I found an emergency source, a pond with some delicious tainted water to engorge myself with, thank you oh blessed stagnant water.

Lookin' good. Soon to be ill, highly critical health, no sleep in over 24 hours, zombies surrounding me, but most importantly, no real goal location that can be reached safely when my character is so banged up already from his thirst. No real energy to kill more than one zombie, so pickin' is slim.

But when the world starts givin' it keeps givin'. A water bottle in a trunk, a quick stop to a nearby house for some actual fresh water, and a close eye glued to my slowly draining health.

Maybe I'll hole up for the night and recover? BANG, seems not, the horde I thought I gave the slip caught a glimpse of me and were on the house, back to the walkin'.

But that didn't go the greatest. I wasn't mauled, I'm not a zombie, but I stayed dehydrated for so long that I was simply too weak to claw my way back to survival.

The killer gag to this sad folk's tale is that map. He. Literally. Walked a circle. And died (effectively) of thirst.

The poor son of a bitch.

[essaygraveyard]

The oddities of Old School RuneScape.

Recently (as in sometime since the time dilation got worse) a friend of mine bullied me back into playing RuneScape for the first time in a decade and some change. It was, at first, a fun little exercise in nostalgia and childhood wish fulfillment. I was unsurprised to find that I still remembered just about everything you could do in free to play given I had completed all of that content half a dozen times and when it came to the members content I was finally able to do all of the things that a young hatsforfish could only dream of doing. I never had a membership growing up, so to see the grass from the other side felt like striking off long forgotten bucket list items. What I didn't suspect when I submitted the request to recover my account was that I would stick around.

RuneScape has gone through a handful of iterations since it first went online in early 2001. The version I grew up playing was RuneScape 2; the version that the modern Old School RuneScape (from this point on OSRS) is based on and the version that was revived due to some of the player base's dissatisfaction with RuneScape 3 (R3). My original character, which I had made in my elementary school computer lab and whose name was a misspelling of the name I had at the time wished my parents gave me, remains trapped in R3 since it is technically the original game. OSRS is a ship of Theseus of the 2007 version of the game that got updated out of existence. It is not the original but is made of all the parts that the original slowly replaced. Or it was at the beginning, because the devs then continued to update the new old version of the game with new content and even new visuals. So OSRS now is more what we remember RuneScape 2 to be rather than what it actually was.

The updates aren't haphazard though. Almost every change or addition to the game is polled by the player base before release and needs to meet a stringent 70% approval rating to pass. What this effectively means is that the active community in the game decides what nostalgia means to them. This helps get around one of the problems that Dan Olson pointed out with regards to WOW in this video which is that the paratext of the game, the guides wikis and technical understanding of the games systems, has fundamentally shifted the way we play the game. Back in 2007 nobody knew what they were doing, they just did what felt right to them or what a friend of a friend had said was good. The idea of a "game tick" was not in peoples vocabularies and so the devs didn't have to design around people intricately manipulating and optimizing the game the way they can now. At the same time nobody has the same amount of time they did back then so the genuinely long grinds the game used to contain are even less appealing today.

So when I started playing OSRS I remembered back to Olson's original video on WOW classic and figured that the same was going to more or less be true for RuneScape as well. Logging in to my new character (whose name ended up being weirdly prescient) I figured I would exhaust my nostalgia fairly quickly and throw in the towel the same I have for any game without a proper ending. It was sometime during the quest Recipe for Disaster that the true form of OSRS started to appear to me and I started to notice the pattern.

See, I wanted to get my combat level up, so I looked for the best way to train combat and the internet almost universally said that slayer tasks were the way to go. I jump into some of the level appropriate tasks, looking up guides along the way and it mentions an item that would help called the Slayer Helm which is unlocked by earning points from doing tasks. Well, that's convenient since I'm already doing tasks but doing tasks my level meant points came in slower. If I did faster easier tasks, then and did the high-level ones on the count that gave a score multiplier then I would have the Slayer helm in no time. That being said killing all these low-level mobs quickly mean leaving a ton of bones on the floor and it's just such a shame for them to go to waste since prayer is such an expensive skill to train otherwise. Turns out that there is an item that automatically converts dropped bones into passive prayer xp and that would be incredible to have for this grind. It is, however, locked behind the Morytania achievement diary which has a ton of requirements but they're all things I was meaning to do anyhow. So, I head off the grind agility and right around the time I start thinking about unlocking Fossil Island so I could start doing birdhouse runs in between agility course laps the whole picture finally snaps into place. The natural game flow of OSRS is just simulating what it's like to live with inattentive ADHD.

Given that I have inattentive ADHD I figured that OSRS just allowed for more floating from thing to thing than most games do so I saw my real-life tendencies reflected in it more than most other games. That was until I found out that a ton of other people play the game this way. Now that could just mean that a lot of ADHD havers play the game, which wouldn't strike me as all that unusual but either way I wasn't out of place here. What was odd was that existing like this usually makes me absolutely miserable but for some reason doing those same patterns in RuneScape didn't frustrate me at all. In fact, this sort of tangential advancement has kept me focused on the game waaaaaaaay longer than I ever could have guessed. While I never did get my bone crusher, I did just get back around to finishing the quest that I had gotten distracted from in the first place. Intentional or otherwise, the design of the game is one of the first times it felt like the way my brain works might not always be a detriment to my goals. In spite of that I do not recommend getting started on the game unless you have a lot of free time and nothing better to spend it on.

[lazypeachsoul]

I wouldn't want to spend a minute lovin' anybody else.

Warnings: this fic has some sad moments and mentions of the blip. also kind of AU because I'm completely ignoring Natasha's canon end.

Word count: 4,2k (i got very carried away with this fic)

Summary: · Meeting the right person at the wrong time can be life changing when it doesn’t work out the way we desire. But if it's meant to be it will always happen, right?

A/N: This is my fic for the "Women of Marvel xReader Exchange" created by @marvelxreaderfanfictionfest . It was created for @im-holding-ontoyou and I hope you like it! gif by @natasharomanovgifs 🌼 ALSO; i haven't watched Black Widow yet so I'm sorry if something in this fic doesn't fit the new info we got about natasha.

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New York, 2015.

When you received the call from one of your bosses that you had a new case you would have never imagined how big that case would turn out to be.

You had been working for one of the most important law firms in New York for a year now, and you were getting kind of used to reading cases that would be narrated in the papers for months. Rich and entitled men, big divorces were they fight over who gets the yacht, one or two murder cases... if it revolved around the powerful people of New York city, your firm would get it.

When you got to the debriefing and were told that Tony Stark, one of the firm's most important clients, asked your team for assistance in the creation of some legislation with the newly created “Advanced Threat Containment Unit” you were more than surprised.

The events that the Avengers had caused (or saved us from, there were different opinions going around) in the small country of Sokovia were known all around the and it was only time before the most powerful officials asked for the regulation of ‘superhero activity’.

You weren’t important enough to actually attend the meetings that took place with the government, seeing as you had only passed your bar exam a little over a year prior, but you were deemed cheerful and nice enough to act as a nexus between the firm and the client.

For months you spent your days talking to Tony Stark and other members of The Avengers trying to explain what was being talked about. The first few meetings were a disaster, seeing as the mood was somber for the lives lost and nobody really understood your legal jargon. But slowly you started to transform your language and really tried to make the meetings as easy as possible for everyone present.

But who were you kidding, they really didn’t care about the meetings or the silly attorney being sent to explain something that was way above their paycheck. Well, at least Stark was gracious enough to set a coffee station with some pastries for the meeting. You were pouring the hot liquid into your to-go cup when your hand jerked and the hot liquid splashed your hand.

You could feel the sting of the burn but avoided further sudden movements trying not to make it worse. Before you could reach for a napkin to clean up the mess you made, a more dexterous and manicured hand reached for them and exchanged the hot cup in your hand for the bunch of papers.

“Careful, Stark always serves boiling coffee. I think it’s to mask that it’s not the best quality.”

You lifted your gaze from your hand and found a pair of deep green eyes gazing back. You would have thought that spending numerous meetings in the company of superheroes would make you less susceptible to their powerful auras, but being this close to Natasha Romanoff made your heart beat a bit faster.

“Yeah, I found out the hard way.” You joked, lifting your hand a bit. “You would guess one of the richest people in the world would actually serve good coffee...”

Seeing her crack a smile made you feel less tense. Sometimes you forget they are still normal people. Normal people who could kill you with their bare hands and had superhuman powers. She placed your cup on the food table, apparently not bothered by how hot it must have been, and pushed her hand in your direction.

“I’m Natasha Romanoff.” You wrapped your hand around hers and shook it, biting your tongue trying not to tell her of course you knew her name. “Sorry I didn’t introduce myself in earlier meetings, we were all trying to come to terms with what had happened.”

“No worries, I can only imagine how hard it must have been for all of you.” You nodded and tried to show her sympathy, trying to avoid thinking about all the lives affected by the fight. “Oh sorry, I’m-”

Natasha quickly cut you off, speaking your name before you could even say it. You could feel your cheeks get warmer at the idea that they actually knew who you were, and she probably could sense your mood change because she quickly explained.

“I know who you are, you send us at least two emails a week about these meetings and FRIDAY always announces you before you arrive.”

“Who announces me?” You asked curiously at the mention of a name you recognized.

“FRIDAY. It’s the name of Stark’s AI technology. It works all around the tower and it’s there to make life easier for everyone.” She explained pointing around at the speakers strategically placed around the room.

“Oh, I get emails from Friday sometimes. Most of them are asking me to translate or explain something about the debriefing because Mr.Stark is not interested in legal terms.” Both you and Natasha laughed at the thought.

But she quickly recomposed and tried to look serious again when she heard her teammates coming in to get ready for the meeting.

“I wanted to ask you about that. Do you think we could schedule a meeting so that you could explain some things about the legislation of the A.T.C.U.?” She spoke lower than she had when the two of you were alone and you wondered why she didn’t want her colleagues to know about the meeting.

“Ye-Yeah, of course I can.” You were confused but thought it would be in your best interest, and the firm’s, to say yes to the proposal. And a meeting with a very attractive and definitely interesting woman was not something that happened constantly for you.

“Great, thank you.” She smiled warmly and squeezed your hand that you hadn’t even realized was still wrapped around hers from the introduction. “I can promise you better coffee.”

You could only hum in response, still trying to piece together what she might want from the meeting. But your thoughts were quickly cut off when Stark entered the room and you moved to start the reunion.

During the entire meeting you could feel the dull pain in your hand from the scorching coffee and the feeling of a pair of green eyes watching your every move.

Vienna, 2016.

The situation had only gone downhill from the Battle of Sokovia. The public’s opinion on the Avengers was at an all-time-low and that made terrorist groups bold. They knew that if they struck and caused enough chaos, the blame would fall on the good guys that tried to stop them.

The only thing that seemed to be a stable thing in your life was Natasha. Well, as stable as dating a superhero might be. She was busy a lot, but you understood the importance of her job and you were quite busy too gaining importance within the law firm.

And even if sometimes terrorists and criminals got in the way you still found a moment to spend together, wrapped around each other without having to think about how messed up life was.

You thought Lagos was the blow that would make everything tumble, the Sokovia accords were unveiled and it broke the Avengers, and your girlfriend. You could feel how torn she was at her decision of some of her friends to oppose the signing and go on the run, and her own decision to subordinate to the United Nations mandate. But you realized how small that had been when king T’Chaka was killed at the UN.

You had been at the UN as part of the USA legal team that participated in the writing and monitoring of the accords. Your participation in the negotiations almost broke your relationship but you were able to recover once you explained your position and Natasha actually came to an understanding of it.

Natasha was also in Vienna when everything went down, you hadn’t managed to properly see her because she was one of the signers and they sat at the assembly while other guests sat at the amphitheater watching the retransmission.

You hadn’t been able to properly see her all day, seeing as she took a detour before flying to Austria. You were only able to communicate through texts where you tried to make the situation more comfortable for her and she promised a peaceful european trip to celebrate the signing.

When the bomb went off and all hell broke loose the first thing you tried to do was look for her, she was at the epicenter of the explosion and you just wanted to see if she was okay. You saw her from afar when you were being pushed to the outside of the building while they swiped the perimeter.

She sat with T’Challa before he jumped from the bench and stomped away. Natasha looked around and your gazes crossed, immediately melting away some of the worry. You tried to push your way through the crowd to get to her, but police and security didn’t budge.

You never took your eyes off of her, scared that if you did she would disappear. But she did move her gaze to her phone and the look that crossed her face when she heard the voice at the other side told you it was a very important call.

Once the call was over and she looked at you again you knew that would probably be the last time you would see her in some time. You hadn’t known Natasha as long as some of her colleagues had, but you could proudly say you could understand what she wanted to say with just a look. And the look on her face in that moment read close to a goodbye.

New York, 2018.

It had been two years since the fall of Helmut Zemo and part of the Avengers was still on the run. And it maybe wouldn’t have had that big of an impact on you if it wasn’t because Natasha had also been on the run for that long.

You had heard about what happened at the Leipzig airport and how Natasha had changed alliances to join Captain America’s fight. You had been heartbroken at the news knowing that any resemblance of normality that you still hope for was destroyed.

You had spent months wondering what had made her change her mind. Had she thought about your conversations about the accords? Had she even remembered you, waiting for her back in New York, when she decided to go on the run?

A part of you tried to convince you of how selfish thinking about that was, why would she think about you when the future of her team and friends was at stake? But also you were her girlfriend, she should have thought about the implications that might have had for you.

In those years you had mourned your relationship and after the grieving period you tried to rebuild your life. New friends, a new position and new chances to take. And it went okay...at least until someone opened their mouth to talk about superheroes or The Avengers. Years down the line and it was still on people’s minds.

On special occasions you would receive anonymous gifts at your office or your apartment. The first birthday after the war you sobbed for fifteen minutes when you saw the bunch of flowers. There was no name or indicative of who might have sent them, that was until you looked better at the card and saw the small red hourglass painted in the corner.

The gifts continued. Every case you won, promotion, birthday or holiday a bunch of flowers would be delivered to you with the same note.

In a way it gave you a sense of peace knowing she was okay and still thought of you. But the more you thought about it the angrier you got at how she had left you.

You didn’t expect a message from your boss to run to the Avengers compound and assess some situation between Coronel Rhodes and Thaddeus Ross. Although the team had crumbled, your company was still hired to legally represent the remaining members and moderate situations that might arise with the government.

You entered the compound expecting another bureaucratic complaint about their activity but you found a trickier situation. The meeting room was filled with people you thought you would never see again.

Captain Rogers was sitting on one of the chairs sporting a new look that made you almost not recognize him and a tense demeanor. Next to him was Sam Wilson, looking around at the smallest of movements and trying to assess the situation. Wanda Maximoff was standing on the furthest corner of the room playing with her rings, meanwhile Vision was apparently being checked out for a wound. What kind of wounds a synthezoid could get was beyond your understanding.

“Thank you for coming so quickly, I might have angered Secretary Ross during a meeting.” Rhodey came up to you with a nervous smile.

You had gotten closer to him thanks to your job seeing as he was the one doing the dirty superhero work.

“Yeah, I got that much from the text. Nothing new then.” You tried to joke to diffuse the tension in the room. “It would have been nice to know you had guests though.”

“We are not guests. Last time I checked this was our home too.”

That voice made your blood freeze. You should have expected her there, all her friends had returned and the chance of her being back too was almost 100%. But hearing her voice again after two years was not something you expected.

You bit your tongue before you could talk about how it’s not a home if you abandon it, but decided against it. This was a fight between them, not Natasha and you.

“I need you to work with the government to avoid this situation becoming a disaster.” Rhodey explained and you scoffed.

“Rhodey, I’m a lawyer not a politician. I have as much power in this as you might have.” You tried to lay your point across but it was difficult with all eyes on the interaction. “Hell, I have even less power than you do.”

“Then I need you to distract them enough to get them off our shoulders.” He pressed. “Something big is coming and we need all the strength we can get.”

You thought about it for a moment. If it was true that something big was coming, the Avengers were the best option to fight it.

“I’m in.” You scoffed at his smile and sat down in one of the chairs of the meeting room. “I’m not ready for the world to end yet.”

The meeting went on for a while. You called bosses, government officials and everyone that would listen to your distractions. You sent emails that would flood their inboxes for days so that they couldn’t read any news that might reach them about what the superheroes had in mind.

It was late at night when a cup of steaming liquid was placed next to you. You looked at it and saw that it was some kind of herbal tea, probably made to relax the drinker. You followed the hand that was still holding the mug until you reached Natasha’s face.

You had done your best to ignore her looming presence in the room but now there was no distraction. Looking at her you could see tiredness in her face. She was platinum blonde now, a look that weirdly suited her, but her face still looked as welcoming to you as it always did.

You tried to stop the flashbacks to the last time you saw it in person in Vienna, but they kept replaying in your head until her voice broke you out of the loop.

“I thought you might need it, I remember how nervous calls used to make you.”

She was smiling but you could tell it didn’t reach her eyes.

“Yeah, I guess I got over it since I got my promotion. Now I spend a long portion of my day making calls.”

She hummed and sat down next two you, but leaving a chair in between you as a safe space.

“I read about it in an article, I sent you flowers to celebrate.”

“I got them. And the Christmas ones. On my birthday too.” You enumerated the times you had gotten the plants in the past two years. “You must have spent an awful amount of money buying me so many flowers.”

“You deserved it, you still do.” She shrugged and that’s when you noticed she had her own mug of warm tea in her other hand. “I’m sorry I couldn’t be there to celebrate with you.”

You laughed into your mug sarcastically. Out of everything you expected her to say this wasn’t one of them.

“Did you really? Because you didn’t seem to consider me much when you went on the run for two years.”

Natasha paled when she heard your tone. She probably wasn’t used to situations like these but you weren’t going to let her go without an apology at least.

“I was trying to do the best for-”

“-for the world. I get it, Natasha, I do.” You tried to contain your emotions but it was getting harder with every word. “Relationships are supposed to be teamwork. I know you are always too busy playing heroes and I never judged you for that, I just wish you would have trusted me enough to tell me before you disappeared.”

She was silent and knowing Natasha it’s because she was probably overwhelmed with the display of feelings. But she needed to hear how bad you had felt.

After minutes of waiting for an answer from her and getting nothing but sighs you shook your head and looked back at the computer screen.

“I guess it was a case of the right person, wrong time.” You shrugged trying to find distraction in the flurry of letters in your email inbox. “Or at least it was for me.”

She got up from her seat without a word and you grew exasperated. Why had she even approached you if then she wasn’t willing to have an adult, two sided conversation? She was almost at the door when you heard her voice again.

“Please never doubt how much I love you. I made some bad choices but dating you was not one of them.”

New York, 2024.

Time apparently flies by when you are erased from the face of the earth. One day you are in your office working late and the next you appear five years in the future with no recollection of what might have happened.

You were taken by authorities to impromptu camps and one by one examined to check your identities. The entire thing seemed to be something out of one of the dystopian novels you used to read as a teenager.

When it was your turn you gave them all the information you had on what had happened. You had given them your name and personal information and apparently had been a very searched person because the computer started beeping as soon as your name was introduced in the database.

You were moved to a secluded part of the camp and kept in an isolated room for god knows how long. Your stomach was in knots during the entire situation and you could feel the cold sweat on you. That mixed with the metallic taste on your tongue you knew this time your anxiety was justified. You were almost dizzy because of how hard you were thinking about the entire situation and trying to make sense of it.

When you heard the door of the room open you jumped up, discarding on the floor a makeshift blanket that had been placed on your shoulders when you got there. Your legs almost gave out at the movement and your heart felt like it was going to burst out.

The door opened enough for you to see who had been searching for you. Natasha stepped through the door still dressed in her tactic gear and with tiredness written all over her face. But that feeling seemed to almost disappear when she finally saw you.

With quick movements she stepped into the room and wrapped her arms around you tightly. For some reason that action was the trigger that you needed to let all your emotions consume you.

You started sobbing uncontrollably at the unknown. You didn’t understand what happened or how you are here, but feeling her embrace helped you feel safe in a way. It had been years since you last hugged her but it still felt as good as back in 2015.

You could hear Natasha’s soothing shushes in between your sobs and you moved to hold her tighter.

“You are here. I can’t believe I found you again.” She spoke softly and you didn’t know if she was speaking to you or herself. “It’s okay darling. I’m here and I’m not letting you go again. I promise.”

And with that promise a ray of hope made way between all the fear you felt.

Missouri, 2025.

Soft music could be heard all around the ground floor of the house. The soft beat was upbeat enough to get the morning started but not enough to be overwhelming if you had just woken up. You were sitting on the kitchen island looking at the news on your phone and having breakfast.

Mornings were usually very calm around the homestead and you couldn’ be more thankful for that. It allowed you to silently prepare your breakfast and coffee and get a headstart on Natasha’s breakfast too.

Since she had retired, Natasha had discovered a newfound love for sleeping in and you didn’t dare to take that away from her. She deserved it from all the work she had done in her life.

You, meanwhile, tried to get up early to scroll through the cases that you got in your new and smaller job and schedule meetings or emails.

It was a Saturday so work wasn’t a thing and you could actually enjoy your toast and coffee in peace. Or at least until a pair of arms wrapped themselves around your middle and pulled you back against Natasha.

“Good morning baby, how did you sleep?”

“Like a baby.” You could feel her smile when she kissed your cheek from behind. “You weren’t there when I woke up though.”

You shrugged before moving to get a bite out of your toast. Natasha tried to do the same but you quickly moved it away from her with a smile. She tried again and you moved as fast as your reflexes allowed you.

“C’mon baby, give me a bite” “No, it’s my toast. You can make your own.” “But it tastes better when you make it.” “No it doesn’t, don’t be lazy.”

The playful fight continued for a few moments until she got close enough to get a small bit but you moved it again.

“Don’t make me bite you, darling.”

You chuckled at her threat and plopped the remaining toast on the plate in front of you. Breakfast didn’t matter much anymore. You threw yourself into her arms and pressed your lips against hers. It wasn’t a slow and sensual kiss, it was closer to how small kids smooch their parents. But you knew it would convey your love more deeply.

“Don’t threaten me with a good time, Nat.” You spoke against her lips and squaked when you felt her playfully nip at your bottom lip.

“Is now a good time?”

That question had become recurring in your household, a nod to the phrase you said when you found eachother again after being separated the first time.

“I couldn’t think of a more perfect time.”

And you couldn’t. The rest of your life spent in a homestead with your girlfriend and whatever life might bring? It sounded absolutely delightful.

Taglist: @tagehaya @flyforeverfree @rooskaya-yelena @evalynanne @insanitybyanothername @princessayveke @yelenabelovasgf @kyli314

[joyaphoria]

the five chances you give him (5)

pairing: suna x f!reader

note: this is the last chapter! i hope you all enjoyed :)

summary: suna knew that he was doing something wrong, but he refused to acknowledge it. therefore, you slowly dropped five major hints for him, hoping that he would notice them and take action to fix your broken relationship. suna really did notice them, he just didn’t figure out in time that you were actually going to leave.

series masterlist | directory

© 𝘫𝘰𝘺𝘢𝘱𝘩𝘰𝘳𝘪𝘢

part five: rin became rintaro; then it became suna

"oh baby... nobody said that it was going to be easy." mei cooed, her voice softer than usual. she repeatedly kissed the top of your head as you cried into her lap.

"i k-know but.." you spoke through your sobs, snot along your sleeves. "i-i really hoped t-that he would ch-change.."

it's been just over two months since you've started changing your behaviour around rin, but he didn't seem to react to it—no, he may have changed, but only a bit. it wasn't enough.

you knew that this was unavoidable, and that it had to be done. the longer it takes for you to get this over with, the longer it will take for you to get over it.

so when mei sent you home that night, she reassured you that it will all be worth it in the end, and that you will find someone better.

but the fact that he was waiting for you at the same table that you used to wait at, every single night, didn't help at all.

"where were you?" he asked, his voice laced with concern.

you stood there for a second with your shoes still on, and folded over with laughter.

his heart flutters. whens the last time you laughed in front of him?

"sorry," you sniffled through the laughter, the aftermath from crying earlier doing you no justice. "it's just that i used to sit in that same chair, waiting for you to come home, you know?"

hesitating for a moment, he decided on getting up and walking over to you, although he didn't know what to do.

"y/n." he's looking down at you now, resisting the urge to reach out and take hold of your hands.

"rintarou."

now that caught both of you off guard.

it slipped out without a second thought on your end, and you were visibly shocked.

as was suna, except he was more afraid than anything else. he knew what this meant—he was no longer rin to you, but rintarou.

he should be grateful though, because he knew what eventually might come next. he knew that it wouldn't be rintarou for long, and that as soon as it changes, it would be over; everything would be over.

"were you crying?" he whispers, reaching out to wipe at your tear stained cheeks. except you wouldn't let him, grabbing his wrist in time. God—mei would be so proud; as would that kind lady from the cafe.

"why should you care?" you spat, letting go of his wrist to remove your shoes.

"because im your boyfriend." he said, although you didn't miss the quiver in his voice from that last word, as if he wasn't so sure anymore.

you move past him and head straight for the bathroom; but suna didn't miss it. he heard what you mumbled on your way out—and it had him slumped against the wall (when you were out of sight, that is)

his fists are clenched and his heart is beating a little too fast, but he can't get his mind off of what you said.

"yea, well not for long"

five words, and yet they seemed to foreshadow his future.

-

there were two possible reasons that you could be waking him up at 10 in the morning.

you were either waking him up to tell him that it was over, and that you were leaving, or that it was over, and that he had to leave.

turns out there was a third reason.

"do you have practice today?" you asked, your voice a whisper.

"yeah.. why?" he got up into a sitting position, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. its been a while since you last entered this room, moving all your things to the guest room.

"oh. nevermind." you make a gesture to leave but he panics and grabs your arm. this could be an opportunity, and he wasn't about to lose it.

"i could um.. take the day off." he nods his head.

"are you sure?" when he nods his head yet again, your features soften.

"okay, well get dressed. i feel like going to a theme park."

you leave the room before he has a chance to answer, but he complies anyways.

his mind wanders to the picture that he broke in the heat of the moment awhile back—the one where you were both smiling at an amusement park, kids laughing in the bakground.

-

"let's go on that one!" you exclaim, pointing at the rollercoaster.

a soft grin takes over your face—and while it may not be your typical energetic one, at least it was still there.

now, suna wasn't a big fan of rollercoasters. he prefered to have you go on them, while he took the photos, but today's been the first time in a while that he's actually seen you happy, and he wanted to keep it that way.

you've been here all day, and it was already pretty dark, so they might be closing soon anyways.

when the cart had finally come back around, you and rin got on, with a guy slipping in on your side.

"you guys here together?" he asked, looking over you to make eye contact with suna.

you nodded, and he chuckled.

"im here with my girlfriend, but she doesn't like roller coasters as much as i do."

now you and him are making small talk, and suna is resisting the urge to tell the guy to shut up, and to go back to his own girlfriend.

when the ride finally starts, he feels relieved, even slipping his hand into your own.

your hand tenses, and he looks up to find a look of guilt soaked into your features.

he quickly unravels his hand from yours, settling it into his lap and looking away. he got too carried away to remember that a day of rides and fun wasnt enough to fix his mistakes.

as the ride starts climbing upwards, fear pumps through his veins.

he shuts his eyes, dreading the fall.

when it finally came, he opened his eyes and hugged himself to keep from screaming.

he looks over to you, and his heart does that thing again—it flutters.

with your hands in the air, your screams adorning his ears, he fell in love. all over again.

the moonlight caressed your pretty features as your eyes shut in pure bliss, and suna found tears falling out of his own.

the tears fell but he didn't sob—not once. you didn't look his way either—not once.

instead he looked away, quickly wiping the tears before someone could catch him. he missed this; he missed you.

when you two got off the ride later, he wonders if you would ever go to another theme park with him.

-

when you decide to leave, suna finds an employee walking around the park with a polaroid camera.

he asks him to take a picture of you, and places it in his wallet. he can't break it this time.

suna misses the look of guilt that slips past your face, as if it were never there.

-

when the car pulls into the parking lot, and you both get out, suna realizes that you weren't walking beside him.

he panics and turns around, where he finds you smiling. tears in your eyes.

"thank you for today, suna."

he freezes. he can't move anymore. he can't think.

"don't be silly. let's go inside." he's walking again, but when he doesn't hear a second set of footsteps, the tears wash over him.

"why aren't you coming?" his voice cracks as the tears stream down his face.

"i'm going to mei's. it's-it's over." you smile, wiping continuously at your eyes.

"y/n please, we can talk about this." he's running over to you, taking hold of your shoulders as he bends down to make eye contact. "we're fixable, okay? i promise we are." he doesn't make move to wipe away the tears that are falling.

you wipe away his tears, pulling him into a hug. "i'm so sorry."

he wraps his arms around you and holds you tight, afraid of having you slip out of his grasp. "please, don't leave me. i'll do anything, just give me another chance. i need you."

you wriggle out of his arms, and his fists clench at his sides.

"i gave you chances. i gave you too many. i have to go."

you're running now, and he can't decide if he should run after you or not. has he not caused you enough pain?

instead, he falls to his knees and cries.

that was it. he lost you—he lost everything.

the polaroid picture was burning a hole through his wallet.

-

when he finally musters up the courage to check the guest room a few days later, he sees all your things packed up in boxes.

you had it all planned out, didn't you?

-

when mei comes later that day to pick up your things, she finds suna curled into a ball on the guest room floor.

"suna. wake up."

his eyes open slowly, and she finds them red, his eyebags puffy and cheeks tear-stained.

"is y/n gonna come back?" he asks, his voice nothing more than a whisper.

mei shakes her head, and suna cries again.

she looks away, thanking the heavens that she wasn't in a relationship. she couldn't help but pity him as she collected her best friend's things, suna's sobs as a sort of background noise.

she couldn't be surprised—the lost of your entire world was enough to make any grown man cry.

-

heartbreak isn’t easy, but suna’s heart hurts without you. where he sleeps, where he bathes, it all reeks of your touch.

you’re everywhere here, all memories playing back to him like a movie. he’s reminded of you, and recovering addicts don’t test themselves; they dont stay around said addiction to see if they can restrain themselves.

and so suna moves out, running from the place that you’ve drenched in your presence.

he leaves the polaroid picture on the table.