#has not happened yet i am pissing on the floor rn

[unnerving-presence]

this wesker tunneled the chris out (lore accurate), annihilated the rest of us, but let me escape

he stole my heart

[h-pelessly]

January Reads

The Goal by Elle Kennedy (6.9/10) I was excited to dive into the pregnancy trope and see why everyone hates it sm. I started at the end of December and was kicking my feet at the way Tucker and Sabrina both were obsessed with each other. However, the pregnancy trope came and I was like... um... that's it? Super anticlimatic in my personal opinion, but there was like half the book left. Sabrina pissed me tf off when she didn't speak to Tucker or include him when she was deciding whether to keep the baby or not. Like she was obviously freaking out and super busy, but it annoyed me sm how the father wanted to be apart of this and Sabrina was just like freaking out alone, leaving Tucker to wonder if she already made the decision without him. But the story had a HEA so that was cool.

Knives, Seasoning, and a Dash of Love by Katrina Kwan (8/10) This would've had such a higher rating, but I can't get over how childish and annoying the FMC, Eden, was. Granted, she had a rough childhood, but the way she was irritated me. She faked her way to become a sous-chef to find out about her missing parents so she's saving up and living poorly. The head chef, Alexander Chen, falls for her so it's a case of grumpy x sunshine. Alexander (Shang)'s struggles made me cry maybe because it hit so much closer to home, but I hated how Eden was like stuck in her childish ways like she never grew at all since she was abandoned as a child. Overall, I think this was a solid read.

The Deal by Elle Kennedy (8/10) This was a reread, and it did not disappoint. I just want to say it was a bit underwhelming at some points, and I could see why some people don't like it, but I am so in love with Garrett Graham. Like he is so funny and had me giggling and kicking my feet. There were some parts I reread which made me fall in love with the characters again like Hannah and/or Allie. Or parts that I completely forgot or didn't catch the first time. I do see how this could be a fan fiction, but i don't care because I am absolutely in love with the ego on Mr. Garrett Graham.

Some Things Never Change by Cee Yang (7.3/10) I’m so thankful to be supporting an indie author. I submitted an ARC application last month because I saw it on Instagram, and didn’t know that I’ll be chosen. This book is about a friends to lovers BIPOC couple, and I was absolutely looking forward to this one. However, when getting into it, I wasn’t the biggest fan of Andy, the MMC, at first because he kept referring to things happening in the past. So I thought it was about Anthony, Andy’s twin. However, meeting Anthony, I was like yeah, this is not the guy so Andy it is. Not going to completely lie, this was more of young adult than a romance novel in the beginning. I learned a lot about the Hmong culture more than the characters interacting which was kind of cool, but I was reading for the romance so I was a bit disappointed. But at the end, JESUS. Andy’s a FREAK (respectfully.) I would also like to thank Cindy for sharing her secret of the ninth floor private bathroom because SPICY. I’m so proud of Cee Yang for this amazing debut novel.

Wildfire by Hannah Grace (7.3/10) I liked this book substantially more than the first book. Although I don't think it was as loved as Icebreaker for most people, I thought it was cute. I loved the MMC, Russ, because he's so broken yet sweet. I liked the FMC, Aurora, but she is kind of a pick me. I know she has daddy issues and stuff, but her pick me energy is insane. Her energy wavers from confident to insecure which is realistic, but reading about it annoyed me. Like why are you acting like this rn but a second ago you were crazy? I thought the story of being camp counselors and fraternization being prohibited was a cute idea, but it was also frustrating. How shy Russ was made me want to hug him. But the ending was kind of rushed and boring not going to lie. I don't think the MCs would last together in the real world tbh.

Curious by Jess Savage (7/10) I literally picked this book up by random on a romance stuff your kindle day, and I finished it within a day I would say. This book is a coming-of-age book about discovering one's sexuality (bisexuality.) People say the main character, Hailey, is annoying, but I think her being immature and freaking out makes perfect sense as she is fresh out of high school and is just discovering her sexuality. She is in love with her friend who is dating a girl older than them. Fast forward to summer, she had to watch the bestie and his gf because the gf's parents own where Hailey works. She then falls for the girl as well. I don't know, there wasn't a lot of smut and there was more content which I appreciated. There was steam, but most of it save the end was about Hailey's one person show which I honestly can't blame. She is 18 after all. Anyways, I would love to read about their future together.

So That Happened by Katie Bailey (6.5/10) If I read this book sooner, I would ate it right up. It's a closed door rom-com. In the beginning, I was intrigued. It was funny and the characters, mainly Annie, the FMC, does very hilarious things. But as the story went on, that's exactly who Annie is, a giant toddler. Who in their right mindset blurts out that she slept with her boss on the first day of work? And it wasn't even sexual like I don't know, but if I wanted to keep the job, I would pretend all is fine and dandy, plus, it doesn't mean HE remembers. Liam, the MMC, was okay. He was a good uncle, but the story treated his niece, Legs, like a toddler, which was so annoying. She's 8 and she still has a car seat? I don't know kids that well, but I'm pretty sure second graders do not have to have car seats to ride in vehicles. So I guess it was like the Hating Game with it being a workplace romance, but the FMC was so unlikable. She's like New Girl's Jess in the first episode without being a kindergarten teacher.

Totally Pucked by Lauren Blakely (6.6/10) This was a short novella that I claimed during one of the stuff your kindle days, and I decided to pick it up because I might have thought it was another book that I recently saw on booktok. I thought it was a menage trois, and that is a book of the series, but this one was a novella so I was like FUCK IT. I mean, it wasn't bad, but it wasn't good nor memorable either. It's a friends to lovers trope, which I'm honestly not the biggest fan of from the jump start, but also, since it's a novella, all the major details are skipped so I just knew Fisher (dumb name tbh) was a horny ass hockey player for his best friend. They are always taken/single at different times, but this time, Katie was single and needed bedroom lessons bc her ex said she was weird in bed. Her weirdness? She liked dirty talk and being loud-- jesus. And the spice was eh.

The Beginning of Our Ending (6/10) I got this as an eARC, and I thought it'd be a love triangle, but it really wasn't. I wanted to be supportive of this indie author and her BIPOC representation, but it wasn't really my cup of tea. This is the only book that I feel should've had only one point-of-view because yes, it's true that both men loved Skye, FMC, but they were aggressive as hell and domineering which was unattractive as hell. There were a lot of pregnancies that bothered me since the trope really isn't my favorite, and the reasoning behind it was superficial as fuck like because it ruins the mood??? YEAH, but also safety? But also miss ma'am never liked Lance, and she just let him tie her down. From the beginning, I felt like Skye and Desmond were meant to be, but they broke up for a stupid reason, but it's kind of like meant to be, so when they forced their way back to one another, I was like no effing way.

[melancholycatastrophe]

my thoughts on ep 4 of season 2 of euphoria becahse i finally got the chance to watch it

i hate everything

literally everything that happened is awful i hate this

i spent the entire episode wanting to curl up and die

why does sam levinson hate jules so much? why would he do this to her?

every time cassie is on screen i want to die of second hand embarrassment, like i cant believe im agreeing with nate but what the fuck is wrong with you?

sorry but her thought process is so???? "im going to blackmail you into being in a relationship with me because i think you're toxic for my best friend" pLEASE SAY THAT AGAIN BUT SLOWLY

CASSIE THAT IS YOUR BEST FRIEND'S ABUSIVE EX BOYFRIEND WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?

also someone pls tell maddy that nate is never going to change, he's never going to get better. i know you want to be loved but you're not going to find love with nate jacobs

also someone tell jules that hooking up with elliot every time your relationship with rue becomes strained is Not A Good Idea

I fucking hate that we're getting the bare minimum for kat's and ethan's storylines, i hate that this has become the Cassie and Nate show

im serious i literally only want kat and ethan's plot at this point

i think ashtray knocked a few screws loose in cal's head

i literally cannot wait until he dies, i was so disappointed when he didn't get into a car crash

aaron must be so fucking confused he doesn't get into drama he's the disappointment of the family but he's chill and his dad is out here with his dick out pissing on the floor

"we all have our secrets" aaron has a piss kink and likes gangbangs how is that even close to whatever the fuck you're doing?

if that's what cal considers appalling he's gonna hate my ao3 history

also cal is straight up blaming his family for the way he turned out?? im sorry you couldn't be with your best friend but birth control is a thing? as well as abortions and adoptions?? divorce??? the family you choose to bring into this world should not be blamed for your actions

god i fucking hate cal

at this point the only characters i care about are rue, maddy, and lexi, everyone else is either irrelevant or fucking awful

(also i am aware that rue is also "fucking awful" but i am also aware that she's on drugs 24/7 and has an illness, while i don't excuse her behavior im not going to demonize her for it. she's not in a position where she can get better, and we all know she's going to get worse from here)

also how is rue not dead yet? she's done every drug under the sun, there's no way ppl look at her and think "yep, thats a sober person", she literally saw her dead father while high, she is literally flirting with death rn

the scenes with rue in church and her with her bed (which almost made me cry) and cassie crying surrounded by flowers are so beautiful

[touyota]

Catfish

☁ Summary: Tomura is hopeless when it comes to relationships, and soon that’s all subject to change. With the power of Tinder, Touya and one oblivious chick on his side, who knows what can happen. 

A/N: omgggg, i’ve lurked on my priv for the past year and finally decided to stop being a narc and post something. i haven’t written in forever and it shows lmao, but uh yeah pls give me feedback if you’d like. (also idk if this has been. done before, but sorryyy if it has)

☁ Pairing: Tomura Shigaraki x fem!Reader

☁ Warnings: Non-con/dub-con, manipulation, dumbfication (if you squint), slapping, yandere, catfishing 

"Fuck I'm horny." 

Tomura groaned into his pillow, conflicted with whether he should be agitated or turned on. Due to his third nap of the day being interrupted by the excessive lewd noises coming from the shared living room. Tomura's roommate, Touya, had no real understanding of boundaries and was often more bothersome than helpful. Still, without his portion of the rent, he'd be on the streets struggling to find an apartment within his meager budget.

"Keep fucking me, Touya-san!" The plea echoed through the thin walls of the shoddy apartment. At least someone was getting laid. The last time Tomura had gotten lucky was at an impromptu Halloween party thrown by Touya at the apartment. 

He went as Jason Vorhees using a dingy hockey mask he found in Touya's closet. The poor girl in question, who came dressed as an angel, was drunk out of her mind. She clung to Tomura's scrawny body incoherently, slurring about "How hot it would be to fuck a murderer." The fling hadn't lasted long before the young lady in question toppled over the side of his bed and hurled her entire cup of jungle juice onto the floor. Poor Tomura had to spend his night nursing her head over the toilet. Making a mental note to tell Touya that he couldn't invite any freshmen to their parties ever again.

Tomura ended up seeing her again in passing on campus, giving a small smile as she walked by. Only to be met with an eye roll as she turned to walk in the opposite direction. Fucking bitch... Other than that, Tomura had found himself too busy writing code, playing video games, and browsing Reddit to dedicate any time to dating. The polar opposite of his roomie Touya-san, a communications major whose schedule consisted of dating? If you considered fucking the same chick for a week before ghosting her dating, sleeping, and eating and drinking Tomura out of a house and home.

"You ready for my load? You're my little cum dump, right? Say you're my cum du-"

Speaking of fucking, Tomura's hard-on was starting to hurt, and what better way to relieve himself than to beat off to the action in the adjacent room. 

He started to palm himself over his sweats, erection already beginning to poke through. Figuring that he's teased himself enough, he lowered his boxers, allowing his cock to slap against his stomach, throbbing and angry. He slowly stroked himself, gathering the pre-cum spouting from the tip, and used it to lube the rest of his cock.

"Pleaseee fuck! I'm your little cum dump! I swear Touya!" 

Tomura started to stroke his cock faster, leaving a squelching noise with each stroke. He was barely managing to suppress his moans. Knowing how Touya wouldn't let him hear the end of it if he got caught fucking his hand to the sounds of their subtle lovemaking. 

"Fuckfuckfuck... I'm cumming!" Touya grunted, giving out after his final stroke.

Tomura followed suit, flicking his wrist with each stroke. As his orgasm finally took hold of him, biting into his shirt to stifle his moan as he came all over his fist. 

"Are you fucking serious, Touya?"

"What?" 

"I didn't get to cum?"

"Um… I'm sure you can take care of that when you get home."

"You're such a piece of sh-"

Tomura tuned out the rest of his roommate's performance. Really hoping he'd wrap it up cause he really needed to take a piss and couldn't make it to the bathroom without passing through the living room. 

After hearing a respectable amount of silence, he figured it was safe to leave the room. Of course, he was wrong; he was met with a staredown between Touya and a petite blonde woman.

"I'm sure your roommate Tenko wouldn't leave a lady hanging like that."

"It's Tomura," he muttered.

"Same fucking thing, my point still stands," The mystery woman huffed. There was a pregnant pause before Touya doubled over in laughter, clutching his chest.

"You think this cuck knows how to take care of a lady? Yeah, it's time to go, Tara."

"It's Toga, you shit stai-"her statement was abruptly interrupted, the door slamming in her face. Touya's back slid down against the door as he sat facing Tomura. 

"Chicks? Am I right?" Touya sighed, peering over at Tomura, who had just left the bathroom. "Speaking of chicks, when's the last time you had sex, Shiggy?"

"It's been... a while." Tomura shrugged, not wanting to indulge his roommate with the details of his sex life.

"Well, we can't have that, can we? Let's make you a Tinder." Touya proudly announced, excited at the prospect of playing matchmaker for his roommate. Tomura reluctantly gave in, knowing once Touya was set on something, it was bound to happen one way or another. 

Two blunts later, Tomura and Touya were strewn over the couch, mulling over his profile's final details. It consisted of three pics, one from the Halloween party, another from their most recent function. The last pic is a selfie of him in a black hoodie with sunglasses on. The icing on top is the bio that unironically stated, "Freak in the sheets, gamer in the streets."

"You're gonna be a real pussy magnet shiggy. Just wait, you'll have to fight the chicks off with a stick after they see this." Touya chuckled as he took another puff of the blunt.

"Go to hell and stop hogging; you didn't put shit in on this anyways," Tomura muttered as he snatched the blunt away to take a pull. Maybe he would find some success, he entertained the concept of having a consistent fuck buddy, but sometimes he was lonely and just wanted someone to lay up with. He wanted to be optimistic about something for once, taking his final pull and ashing the blunt out. The smoky haze and intoxicating scent lulling him to sleep. 

Fuck optimism, Tomura thought. It had been three days with zero matches or messages, and he was starting to think there had to be a glitch in the system. The only time he had seen a match is when he accidentally swiped on Midnight's profile, a famous Only fans content creator who specialized in BDSM. The same Midnight that he happened to be a top donor for and occasionally bought panties from, but that's beside the point. The profile was poorly made with blurry, uncropped pics taken straight from her social media profiles. The lack of detail and legitimacy was apparent. Tomura felt terrible for the poor soul who probably fell for it, but it made him think… 

Why not see how different the response would be if he ran a profile under someone else's guise.  Someone more attractive, someone more affluent, and someone more famous. This was simply a social experiment; no harm would come from it of course. He would simply ghost anyone who wanted to meet, keeping all interactions virtual. Now who could he possibly pretend to be. without getting caught. Tomura's eyes finally settled on an Axe ad playing on tv featuring male model Keigo Takami. Mr. tall, blonde, and handsome would definitely attract the feminine masses.  

Ding ding ding, it was like a bell went off in his head; he had found his new look. He started to scour the internet for any pictures of Hawks that weren't already posted to his socials and be sure to crop any evidence out. A few hours later, Tomura gazed over his final product. He thought it seemed too good to be true; he was sure that anyone with a working brain would know the profile was clearly a catfish. It was too clean, too pristine, and too perfect, but Tomura was tired of the profile's nit-picking details and saved his last changes. It was starting to get dark, and he had to begin his Comp Sci homework soon so he'd have time to play zombies on Call of Duty later. 

Tomura woke to a multitude of buzzes notifying him of the several hundred matches he'd accumulated overnight on his Hawks profile. Apparently, no one had a working brain within the 15-mile radius. The messages were filled with tons of chicks he had seen on campus or in class. He even recognized the one from the Halloween party. He spent his morning smoke break, siphoning through the various contenders.

Too tall.

Too blonde.

Too ugly. 

Until...

He finally stopped scrolling when he reached your profile; he had seen you before in his Major classes. You were a somewhat modest girl, always working to be an overachiever and teacher's pet. You hadn't spoken to him before, only forcing a smile when Tomura was caught staring at you in class. You were talented, beautiful, quiet, and you hadn't encountered Touya yet. You were everything he had wanted, and more. He started to type a message awaiting your response.

Keigo: "What's keeping you up this late, love ;)" 

Tomura thought to keep it casual enough to fit his suave persona.

Y/N: "lol, just sum late night studying keeping me up."

Y/N: "won't lie im very nervous to texting you rn, i'm a big fan 

Keigo: "it's gud knowing i have fans as cute as you ;p"

The conversation seemed to flow from there between you two, texting for almost two weeks strong. Tomura had learned so much about you in a short time, your favorite foods, your favorite color, favorite music, and your dislikes as well. Touya often came by his room to check in on Operation: Get Shiggy Some Pussy, only to be met with a "Fuck off," and yet another door slammed in his face. 

You gushed over how lucky you were to be texting the one and only Keigo Takami. Of course, you were skeptical at first, but what kind of fucked up person would take the time to pretend to be another person? The conversation between you two was great and always kept you on your toes. Still, sometimes days would pass before you received a response; you chalked it to the fact that he was always busy as a celebrity and didn't always have time to respond to you. 

You were currently lying in bed and unable to fall asleep; you peered at your phone to see that it was 2:05 am. You let out a sigh, preparing to stare at your ceiling until you finally fell asleep, only to be interrupted by a chime from your phone. It was a message from Keigo. 

Keigo: you up? ;(

You instantly typed a response, scared that you had done something wrong.

Y/N: yup, what's wrong…?

Keigo: i'm so fucking hard rn baby ;(((

Oh shit, you hadn't prepared yourself for that response; maybe he injured himself at work or-

Keigo: you still there babe? send a pic ;p

You definitely hadn't prepared for that, but who were you to deny him. Keigo could've asked anyone else in the world, but he asked you. Not wanting to leave him waiting, you quickly shucked your shirt off and used your arm to push up your breasts, giving an illusion of the perfect push up bra. You promptly took several pics, taking the time to edit and select the ideal filters to complement your skin tone.

Y/N: 1 image sent

A bubble indicating him typing popped up instantly 

Keigo: 3 images sent

Keigo: fuckkkk babe, ur such a tease

You opened the pics, feeling your panties dampen slightly. It was a cock, well Keigo's cock, fat and engorged, leaking pre-cum against his toned belly. He was mostly well-groomed, but a prominent white tuft of hair appears in the picture, making you wonder if Keigo was actually a natural blonde.

Keigo: 1 video sent

 let me see that pretty pussy baby, 

It was a video of Keigo languidly stroking his cock, how romantic. It was only right for a gorgeous man like Keigo to have a pretty cock to match. What he lacked in girth was definitely made up for in length, complemented with a slight curve that could definitely reach that itch that none of your toys could scratch.  By now, you had ditched your panties and started to slowly start to fuck yourself open with one finger at a time. You started recording and angled the phone against your pillow, trying to capture you desperately fucking yourself on your fingers, letting out a small whimper with each thrust.

Y/N: 1 video sent 

You began to fuck yourself vigorously, dragging the accumulated slick over your clit with slow, circular strokes. You felt your orgasm on the brink, growing more restless and desperate, humping reverently at your fingers, whimpering desperately; you were so close...There was a sudden surge of fluid from your core, incoherent mumbles leaving your mouth as you kept carefully fucked yourself through your climax. The post-orgasm bliss lulling you to sleep, your eyes had finally fluttered shut, only to be awakened by another chime. 

Keigo: 1 image sent 

look @ all that cum baby, its all for you ;)

Y/N: when can we meet? my fingers can only work for so long :p

Read: 2:53 am

Aw man, maybe he fell asleep. You were definitely fighting sleep at this point as well, finally closing your eyes, satisfied for the night. 

Tomura struggled to catch his breath, reaching for his discarded shirt to wipe the sticky cum off of his stomach. That was the third time this month you'd ask about a meeting, and it was frankly starting to piss him off. He'd have to come up with something fast if he wanted to keep you around. Even though he didn't have much of a moral compass left in his body, the feeling of guilt was hard to ignore. You didn't deserve to be roped into his fucked up social experiment… 

A yawn interrupted Tomura's guilty thoughts. He could continue to feel guilty when he wakes up tomorrow.

 The following week your prayers had been answered, Keigo finally agreed to meet! It had been such a bittersweet feeling. What if he thought you looked nothing like your profile pictures? Would he reject you and run the other way, screaming? You tried to push your doubtful feelings down by distracting yourself with running errands. Finding the perfect outfit to wear, getting every inch of your body waxed, and picking up a lacy red lingerie set. 

Upon getting back to your apartment, you found a red bouquet of roses on the doormat. They were clearly store-bought and not of excellent quality… but it's the thought that counts! 

Lots of celebrities were frugal, and of course, Keigo was no different. After further inspection, a small white card with an address and time. You searched the address finding a mid-grade hotel on the outskirts of the city. Keigo was definitely a (cheap) frugal man dedicated to his discretion. Soon realizing that the time on the card was approaching, you quickly ran to shower and primp yourself for the evening. Not even thinking to question how he found your address in the first place...

You had finally arrived at the sketchy hotel, noting that there were little to no cars in the parking lot and noting that none of them looked like they belonged to Keigo. You wandered through the lobby until you finally reached the elevator, tapping the button for the 5th floor. You tried to shake off your pre-meeting jitters, you already knew everything would be fine, but you couldn't shake the feeling of something wrong...

Those intrusive thoughts were soon interrupted by the chime that indicated you had reached your floor. You took a deep breath as you stepped off the elevator, pacing yourself as you walked to your destination. 

Room 555 

How fitting, you thought. Your knuckles rasped against the door several times.

"Come in." A voice sounded through the door.

You peeked your head around the door before taking a step in the room, not being able to locate the owner of the voice. You gasped after taking the appearance of the room. The room had rose petals haphazardly strewn across the floor. Candles flickered on the dresser, a bubble bath was run in the bathroom, and to top it off, a too cheap bottle of champagne on ice. 

There was clearly an effort made, which made your heart swoon, hoping to put a real face to the man you've been speaking to for the past few months, you said out into the empty room.

"Keigo, I like what you've done with the place. You can come out now," you giggled.

"I'm glad you got the flowers," a raspy voice responded.

.......Huh?

Your joy instantly crushed, having heard Keigo's voice multiple times in the interviews you've seen, it sounded nothing like that. Unless he'd suddenly started chain-smoking within the past few months. A loud alarm started going off in your head. It was definitely time to go.

You twirled on your heels and reached for the doorknob, only to be stopped by a hand gripping your upper arm.

"Leaving so soon? The bathwater is still warm…" The mystery voice informed.

"Oh… I think I have the wrong room, so sorry about that." You squeaked, attempting to reach the door again only to be dragged into a bony chest. 

Your chin was tilted, forcing you to meet eyes with "Keigo." Who was actually a porcelain-skinned tower of a man with shaggy white hair that had an oddly familiar look to him? 

"Let me go! You're not Keigo!" You screamed, hoping to alert any other guests on the floor.

"Fucking took you long enough. I thought you were smarter than those other bitches on campus. Tomura balked, struggling to keep you still in his grasp.

Campus. That's where you recognized the face and voice of your captor, you were both in the same Comp Sci class, and you'd often caught him staring as you worked, chalking it up to you having something on your face or in your teeth. The realization caused tears to spurt from your eyes.

"Poor baby, didn't mommy and daddy teach you to not speak to strangers on the internet?"

"I-I thought y-you were K-Keigo," you gasped, struggling to control your sobs. 

"Well, I'm not. Get over it." Tomura slurred, placing sloppy kisses over your collar bone, slowly backing you towards the bed. 

You couldn't bring yourself to move or fight anymore, body stiff with fear. Your sobs increase in volume after feeling your legs make contact with the edge of the bed. You didn't know this man from a can of paint, and here he is about to assault you. 

"Stop crying before I leak those sexy little videos you shared with "Keigo." Imagine if everyone in the class knew how much of an easy slut you are?" Tomura hissed, shoving you unto the stiff mattress, springs squeaking as you bounced. 

You cradled your mouth, struggling to stifle your sobs. Why hadn't you recognized the signs sooner? You spent so much time looking at the situation through rose-colored lenses that you had utterly neglected your safety. But it wasn't the time to feign sympathy for yourself. You needed to take action, and soon—the shaggy haired stranger dragging your motionless body towards the end of the headboard. 

"Wait!" You gasped, hoping that you could possibly reason with your captor.

"What's your name? 

This was your final chance to escape. You suddenly kicked forward, aiming for his face, failing miserably as it was blocked. Both legs were then shoved into a mating press, granting Tomura the space to press himself even closer to you.

A groan left Tomura's mouth, frotting against your clothed mound, smothering your neck with sloppy saliva drenched kisses. You cowered at the feeling, curling away from his advances. The dry humping continued until a final groan of desperation was released. He was too grown for this shit and didn't feel like going home with stained boxers when your sweet heat was right in front of him.

The red bodycon dress you decided on was shredded down the middle, leaving you in your lingerie set. You added that to the list of things you were already regretting, moving to cover yourself the best you could. Your efforts to preserve the crumb of modesty you had left were futile, both hands knocked out of the way.

"You don't have to hide princess, I think Christmas came early.” “You're wrapped so pretty, baby." He chuckled, moving to fondle your breasts. Taking the time to pinch and pull at both nipples, drawing small hesitant gasps. 

"I'll play with these more later. You don't know how long I've waited to play with that cute little pussy in person." You felt your panties tugged to the side, embarrassed with the amount of arousal accumulated below. The feeling was soon replaced with horror after feeling the tip of his cock dragged between your slit.

Tomura used the residual slick to grease his cock, bypassing the need to stretch you out. He pressed forward, forcing himself inside, pausing to catch his breath. Damn... it's been a long time. 

You yelped in pain, closing your eyes in hopes of blocking out the situation at hand. You felt him start to pick up his pace, causing small tinges of pain to course through your body. 

"Mmmm, open your eyes. I want you to watch me fuck you." He gasped, realizing you hadn't complied yet, he landed a firm slap on your cheek. "Not only are you dumb, but you're also deaf too… open. SMACK your. SMACK fucking. SMACK eyes." 

Your eyes shot open, brimming with tears, finding yourself face to face with your captor. His eyes were closed in ecstasy, dainty white lashes framing the lids, traces of dry patches on his face. He wasn't ugly. You'd honestly give him a chance if he asked you out like a decent human being.

His pace had gained traction, hips crashing against yours. You found yourself slowly succumbing to the pleasure, discreetly fucking yourself against him. You wanted to protest and resist against him, but with your inhibitions lowered, you found it hard to comply. Each thrust pulling you further into the abyss that was your impending orgasm. Your lust-filled thoughts being interrupted by the stranger's incoherent mumbling.

"Tomura."

"Huh?" you whimpered, not fully understanding what he said. 

"My name is Tomura."

"Okay and mine i-"

"Shut up and say my name." Tomura's thrusts were sporadic, signaling his impending climax. "Beg me to cum…... please." 

You barely registered the final demand, not recognizing the soft tone of his voice.

"T-tomura, p-please let me cum!" you begged, right on edge needing something, anything to push you over.

Two nimble, callused fingers drew delicate circles over your clit, forcing you to writhe and sob as your orgasm coursed through your body. The feeling that followed was one of warmth as Tomura came, slowing his thrusts until he collapsed, encasing you in his arms.

Your eyes fluttered shut with your post-orgasm haze lulling you to sleep until a wet, sticky substance trickled along your inner thigh... 

What the fuck....

You nearly launched yourself from the bed, fighting to separate yourself from your captor's arms.  

"What is wrong with you?"

"You didn't use a condom," you wailed, tears perched at the corner of your eyes. You didn't have the time for a child, you were doing great in classes, your parents would reject you, you'd be stuck playing house with some stranger and-

"Stop muttering. You're fucking up my nap. I'll buy a Plan B when I wake up." Tomura mumbled into the pillow, dragging you back into his chest.

You continued to fight his grasp, pausing after feeling a firm pinch to your side. Fighting was futile at this point, and you couldn't fully assess the situation until you had some decent sleep. 

Closing your eyes for a few seconds wouldn't hurt…right?

[bansheeoftheforest]

Uh, is there still an angst break? Ignore this ask until your ready if so 👉😎👉

-

What was the au where Jekylls pushed down the stairs and experiences a skull crackening again? Oh well but I've been thinking of a branch of that where Jekyll doesn't know hes dead like all day. I also cant remember if that was already discussed or not

The lodgers patch him up, he complains of a headache, and goes on his merry way! He's confused why all the lodgers are so nervous and being nice to him all of the sudden, why creature is looking at him with a stange mix of empathy and pity. He was told he fell down the stairs, fell unconscious, and obtained a bit of an injury. He cant fathom why Frankenstein is "The only doctor who can treat him" why he has to constantly go to her for checkups. Why Maijabi is suddenly following him practically everywhere.

Hyde squeezes back control for a moment and tries the potion but it doesn't work. Maybe a bit of pain but certainly no transformation. Jekyll assumes his injury or whatever medication they're giving him to treat it somehow negated the effects

Jekyll complains about "suddenly blacking out" the lodgers know its because his soul is slippery. They tell him it must just be a side effect of the injury and not to worry

How long can they keep it secret from him? When does he find out? Does he? Does it get to be years only for him to realize that he hasn't aged? That he still needs checkups from Frankenstein? Does he learn sooner? Does a lodger crack and say it? Does he rot? Does he notice how so very cold he is. How animals act around him? It's all very interesting,,

-

I actually did think a bit of Jekyll's kidnappers for the amnesia kidnapping au! When drawing that lil sketch of Henry and O'Leary meeting Robert I had considered making it so O'Leary was suspicious of Lanyon like "Oh theres no news anywhere of someone matching Thomas' description who's missing. But some random people walk up claiming to know him? Begging to take him back with them?" And he'd think they were the kidnappers. But ultimately I decided against it as I felt Lanyon and Rachel were pretty clearly, genuinely concerned for "Thomas" :p

-

I tried playing assassins creed once, the first(?) one. But the controls were confusing and everything was sorta thrown all at me at once, and I got bored of it quickly

But! I went to the store the other day and just so happened to notice Syndicate was being sold for 15 dollars 👀 So I bought it because funky Victorian assassins and your influence! It's a bit less confusing then the first ac game I tried but why is going down or dropping so hard bdksnks. I'm having quite a bit of fun! If you dont count my rage and annoyance-, the B button refuses to cooperate with me unless I'm looting corpses >:(

The b button being the bane of my existence aside, I AM having fun! I like the funky outfits and I want to play as the girl twin (evie?) forever because her clothes are good and shes better at attacking than jacob(?) For some reason. Probably the stun her weapon has? Oh well! I have not unlocked any new outfits yet, nonetheless I wish there were more.

Also! I was thimking, and my current quests are taking place at 1868? Did I get that right? And Jekyll is like 35 in 1885. So in game he'd be 18! An au like I believe you mentioned sounds very interesting 👀 but I must play more to know what's going on and daydream about it

That would be the resurrection au <3

But god, I really like that branch! Especially combined with the hc that he can't feel pain bc the HJ7 and the transformations made him immune. Frankenstein patched him up and made fleshweaver to heal the crack in his skull but it still has to be bandaged, he surely broke a few bones, yet all he has to do is to be careful because it doesn't even hurt. He doesn't even realize how severe the injuries are because it doesn't hurt, it very well might just have been that he accidentally slipped at the bottom of the staircase and accidentally hit his head on the railing during his fall, rather than getting physically pushed and flying down the stairs, shattering his skull upon impact with the marble floor. Y'know what would be extra fun? If he only starts getting a bit suspicious about how severe the injury was once he realizes his lungs stop breathing for minutes at a time when he gets distracted, or his heartbeat stops dead in his chest. I know that that's not how biology or even creature works but lets say the HJ7 is funky, Zombie Jekyll my beloved. Perhaps he would only fully grasp what had happened once he blacked out too much and 'passed out', but his soul slipped out enough to leave his body unconscious on the floor while his soul/ghost was just... Watching. And it's not until Maijabi (who, as you said, follows him everywhere) immediately calls for more Lodgers saying that Henry's soul is getting unstable and Frankenstein's lousy job is starting to shine through that he fully understands that it was not a mere hit to the head. Or maybe it is when days, weeks, maybe months has passed and the headache never goes away, he only feels how his body starts feeling so much more... Fragile and delicate, that the guilt has eaten Helsby up alive and he corners him and spills everything, knowing he is going directly against what the group agreed to but not being able to keep it a secret much longer-- or maybe Creature would tell him immediately, once Henry is, for once, alone perhaps days after the initial accident. He cannot see Henry struggle to understand what is going on when he already knows what's happening to Henry, his mind, and his body. He doesn't listen to the plan that Frankenstein and the Lodgers has set up and immediately tells Henry the first moment they are alone. That would certainly be horrifying, I can only imagine how the Lodgers would find Henry after that, once he actually knows and manages to process everything. He would be so mad, not only to have been killed in the first place, but also because he was robbed of an afterlife because the Lodgers were selfish and could not accept the consequences of their actions. He would be mad, he would be so pissed and I have no doubt he might actually be mad at Maijabi too for even agreeing to help Frankenstein and the rest of the Lodgers. That anger would not stay long, though. That anger would soon turn into misery and sadness and paranoia so even as Henry has tried to push Maijabi away, Henry still ends up on his doorstep begging him to help him make sure he is not rotting, because no matter what anyone says, he is sure he can see rotten spots and patches on his skin and he is just so scared and jdhfjsdfdsfsfs... <3

--

Ooooooohhh, I was actually daydreaming about this just this morning! Granted, I woke up at 5 and began to daydream to fall asleep quicker but I still like the thought of O'Leary being suspicious of Robert/Rachel/Jasper/the Lodgers bc he is protective of 'Thomas' and doesn't want anything bad to happen to him and especially with the idea that Henry still has hallucinations and they both think he was abandoned by his family, left to rot at a mental asylum. O'Leary might very well think that it might be Henry's friends and family that dumped him that Henry had 'escaped' the hospital and that's why they knew he was missing since the Asylum itself obviously wouldn't have posted the news... I really liked Jeks idea, okay? Like a lot, I absolutely love it <3

--

Oh, the oldest AC game I played was Unity bc it was free after the Notre Dame fire, and I can confirm, I played 15 min and could not get through it even if i would have wanted to, it absolutely sucks so i have no doubt the older games are just as frustrating <3

BUT!!!! I'M SO GLAD MY CORRUPTION IS SPREADING AND YOU BOUGHT AND PLAYED IT AND ARE ENJOYING IT SO FAR!!! Trust me, Syndicate truly is an absolutely amazing game and is definitely one of my top 3 games of all time. I sometimes play it w my friend watching me play and trust me, I know that rage of trying to do smt but the character does smt else... or you try to do smt but the game doesn't react and you miss your chance... Oh well, still a wonderful game <3

My friend loves to play as Evie as well but I'm definitely playing Jacob every chance I get and I honestly get a lil pissy when I have to play as Evie bc I always prefer to play male characters, plus, I just like Jacob better bc he is a sweetheart. He is also canonically bisexual as hell!!! Have you met Abberline yet? The police officer? Him and Jacob together is one of my fave ships for the game. I also bought the ultimate/golden/whatever name it was edition so I had a bunch of extra outfits, I love the sherlock holmes outfit for Jacob but my friend keeps bullying me for it </3

Honestly? The time difference is the bane of my entire idea for the au bc if it's during their time Henry hasn't even graduated yet, and definitely not well-known enough for them to actively meet for whatever reason, and if you use the timeline for the jack the ripper dlc (in 1888) a lot of... Less than pleasant things happen so it wouldn't really make a lot of sense for a crossover to happen at that point but maybe it's just bc im a pussy and refuse to play the dlc. Rn, while imagining the au, I just imagine the 1868 timeline to be the same as the TGS timeline. I like to imagine the Frye Twins hearing about Henry and the Society and promptly breaking into his office to ask him to make poison and stuff for them. I also have a feeling that Jacob would flirt wildly with Henry and that Henry would be less-than-amused. It would also be a very fun thing with the fact that there would be two Henrys, with TGS Henry Jekyll and AC Syndicate Henry Green, soo... XD

[slaveformingi]

Come Back (M)

READER (y/n) X PARK SEONGHWA(Ateez) Genre: Smut, Makeup Sex, SlightlyDom!Seonghwa  Word Count: 2779 Words. Summary:  Human relationships are complicated. The same person who makes you laugh can make your heart break in an instant. You got into a heated argument with your boyfriend Seonghwa, but hey.. nothing a little makeup sex won't fix.

(AUTHORS NOTE: FIX ON! Okay so this smut has been in my drafts for a while now and I finally finished it <It’s 5.22am, where I live rn. What is sleep?> Anyways, originally this smut was supposed to feature Wooyoung but like half way through writing it, I felt Seonghwa would fit the role better. So if you see Wooyoung’s name pop up, I apologise. I’ll fix it in the morning when my brain is working again 😂 For now please enjoy! UPDATE: I’ve reedited this fic :) Thank you everyone who helped point out my mistakes and gave me feed back. I freaking love you guys!!)

##

“How did I even end up dating someone so stubborn as you are?!”  The sound of his voice was deeper and louder than usual. A rush of emotions flooded you, you felt scared, angry, disappointed. Your boyfriend had been yelling at you for hours and you’ve been trying to keep your cool but this was the final straw. “Well, I know how I ended up dating you and I regret even wasting my time with a piece of shit like you Hwa!” you snapped at him as you took a step forward.  Your eyes were filled with anger and all you wanted to do was get him out of your sight. You were so close to slapping him across the face and you would have done it if it wasn't for the love you still felt for him. Truth is, you loved your boyfriend no matter how much of an asshole he could be.

“If you regret it that much, then it would be best if I just left! Why would I waste my time with someone as pathetic as you if I could get every girl I want?!” “Then go! Get out of my house!” Seonghwa didn't reply, instead he simply obeyed your wishes. He kept quiet as he grabbed his stuff and rushed out of your house, slamming the door shut behind him. You grabbed a framed photo of the two of you that was on the coffee table next to you and threw it against the door. The framed shattered as soon as it hit the door, pieces of glass and wood flew around the room.

 Staring at the door, you realised Seonghwa wasn't coming back and that you had lost the man that you once called your “soulmate”.

At first, you didn't feel anything. Like literally, you felt empty in the inside, emotionless. Your emotions were completely shut down. It was the first phase of your body processing what just happened. You were just staring at the closed door, secretly hoping that Seonghwa would come back running into your arms, hoping that this was all a nightmare.

Shortly the second phase kicked in, you were angry, pissed-off, furious. You started counting all the pros for the break up. A list with all the good reasons to break up with Seonghwa, everything that bothered you about him.  It was a pretty long list in your mind at which you numbered down will all his failures and mistakes. But in someway you still found yourself loving all his imperfections, his little kinks and weird things he did unconcsiously, which brought you to the last phase of a break-up, sadness and grieve. 

You kneeled down in front of the broken photo of you and Seonghwa. It reminded you of all those lovely and romantic moments when he made you felt like the luckiest girl in the world. All gone. Just because of a stupid argument.

Ignoring the pieces of glass around the floor, you made your way into your bedroom where you wanted to crawl into and fall asleep. Sleep was always your answer for moments of sadness and stress, it helped clear your mind and make you realise things better. You crawled into your bed and closed your eyes, but instead of sleeping your mind wandered to the thoughts of Seonghwa.

Seonghwa seemed to handle the break up a lot better than you. He didn't even shed a single tear as he walked out of your apartment. He walked away from you as if you were a stranger to him, someone he didn't need and would not even think twice of. Thinking of him being happy without you made you cry. 

The bed felt empty without Seonghwa, but there was nothing you could do. He was gone. You missed him being next to you, kissing you and making you feel loved. Instead of easily falling asleep, you spent hours crying yourself to sleep.

While you were sleeping, Seonghwa returned to your apartment. He was a mess. He was tired and sorry. He yelled at you, and said things he did not meant and all because of the anger that built in his body for no reason. He let everything out on you and he felt sorry for it.

Coming back felt hard, since he didn't know if you would forgive him or throw a vase at his head. He keyed in your house password and let himself in. Once inside, he saw broken glasses and pieces of wood on the floor. He sighed as he picked up a photo of both of you from the floor, he knew you cried and was desperate for comfort.

As he walked towards your room, he thought of things that he should say to you, words that could make you feel better. But the only thing that was on his mind was how much he loved you and that there were no words that would explain his actions to you.

Seonghwa made his way into your bedroom, where he found you sleeping. Your pillow was covered with dried tears and your body hugging a pillow as if it was him. A sad smile grew on his face as he realised how much you loved him, and him leaving was the worst thing he could do. Slowly, he removed the pillow from your body and replaced it with his body, pulling you closer to him. You snuggled into him since you thought it was all a dream.

“Baby, I am so sorry.. please forgive me love. I didn't mean to say all that bullshit.” he whispered into your ear, “You are my soulmate and I hate myself for hurting you.” You heard every single word he said no matter how sleepy you were. Him being so sweet made you almost forget about all the shit he did and said earlier. 

“You can really be a little piece of shit Hwa.” you said as your eyes were still closed. A smile grew on his face as he heard your voice. You felt slightly angry and you didn't want to forgive him that easily but you couldn't help but feel safe that he was back home. You silently thank the stars for not letting the fight ruin your relationship with him.

Seonghwa tangled his fingers in your hair as he pushed some of it back to reveal your neck, he moves closer to your neck and starts sucking hard on it, leaving his mark; you wince in pain and pleasure.

Your eyes slowly opened as you shot him a glare, still slightly pissed about the fight you had. A little smile formed on his face as he presses his lips against yours, kissing you passionately. Your hands started to roam around his body, wanting more of his touch.  Your fingers started to button his shirt but he immediately grabbed your wristband held your hands above your head with one hand.

“Nuh uh.. No touching baby.” Seonghwa says against your lips.

His lips met yours again as he slides his free hand under your hoodie, squeezing and rubbing your nipples as his tongue explores your mouth. You moaned into his mouth as you tried and release your hands from his grip, you could feel yourself getting wet. Seonghwa pulled himself out of the kiss and a smirk on his face when he saw how desperate you were for him.

“You’re pretty cocky for someone I almost broke up with!” you said glaring at him. He let out a small chuckle before releasing your hands.

“I’m sorry baby. Just, let me do all the work so I can show you how much I love you.”

He pulls your hoodie off and throws it across the room. He begins placing a trail of kisses all over your chest, slowly nipping and sucking at it and leaving love bites. He gives your breasts a hard squeeze as he sucks on your nipple, moans leave your lips as pleasure clouds your head. His tongue caressed between your breast as he made his way down to your stomach, leaving kisses in between as he stopped right above your shorts.

“I’ve barely touch you yet I can smell your juices babe.” he teases as his fingers play with the waistband of your shorts.

“Please don’t tease me Hwa.” you said half whispering.

Seonghwa smirks as pulls down your shorts and leaves you in your panties, he leaves a trail of wet kisses on your bare thighs.

“Seonghwa,” you whined “Ple--please don’t.”

“Don’t do what babe?” He said as he stood up and wrapped his arms around you, pulling you closer to his body.

“Ple--please stop teasing me.”

You gasped as he sunk his teeth into your neck, sucking and abusing it. Your moans got louder as the pain turn into pleasure. He slipped his right hand between your legs and caresses your heat over your soaked panties. You grabbed his hair and pulled his face closer to yours, pulling him into a rough kiss. You pushed him backwards against the bed so you were on top of him but Seonghwa was quick to flip you over and positioned you in a way you were lying on your stomach.

“I said no touching.” he said in a stern way, his voice turned low and seductive. You felt yourself getting wetter hearing his voice that way. Your breathing got faster with each passing minute.

“Hands up on the bed and keep your head down.” he ordered.

You could hear him move around the room, the anticipation was killing you. He traced his finger around your back, sending chills all over your body. He started to place soft kisses on random spots on your back.

“Emm, baby you smell so good.” he says as he nuzzles your neck from behind. He rubs your breast and slips his finger in your panties, catching you off guard.

Seonghwa moves his fingers on your clit slowly, his fingers moving in a circular motion. You threw your head back and leaned against his chest. Your vision starts to become cloudy as he applies more pressure to your clit.

“Seonghwa.” you moaned up his name.

He uses his free hand to brush your hair to the side and attacks your neck, giving him complete control over you. He sucked hard on your neck as his fingers rubs your clit. You could feel your legs getting weaker as his fingers picks up their pace.

“Hwa--please--” you moaned as his touch got slower. “Seonghwa-- don’t stop.” you begged but it was no use, he stop right before you were about to reach your high. You whined at the lost of his touch as he pulls his fingers away and flips you over to face him.

“Don’t worry baby, I’m not done with you yet.”

He slips his wet fingers into your mouth, making you suck on it and taste yourself. He groaned at the sight of you sucking on his fingers. He pulled his fingers away and kisses you, gently sucking on your bottom lip. 

You pulled him closer to you and deepened the kiss; you wanted him so badly. Your hands wandered to his shirt as you quickly unbuttoned it and threw it to the side of the bed. You traced your hands over his lean abs as you placed your lips on it, leaving art kisses down his happy trail, slowly kneeling down.

You looked up at Seonghwa, teasing him as you played with his belt, unbuckling it slowly as you ran your tongue on his v-line.

“Is this your payback for me teasing you earlier?” He smiled at you as his pants slid down and pooled around his feet. His boxers was stained with his precum. 

You gave him a wink and pulled his boxers off and took his hard dick in your hand, slowly rubbing his precum all over his red tip with your thumb. You could hear his breathing get shallow. You positioned yourself properly between his legs and took him in your mouth, one hand slowly moving up and down his dick while another massages his balls. 

Seonghwa let out a loud groan as you moved faster and deep-throated him. His eyes were shut tight, his moans and groans were music to your ears. You licked and massage the tip of his dick, causing him to throw his head back. You name left his lips as he gritted his teeth, sweat started to form on his forehead. He groaned as you slowed down your movements and pulled away from his dick.

“Fucking hell y/n.” He cussed under his breath, he pulled you up to his face by your chin.

“I want you to face that mirror and ride me.” he said as he stared intensely into your eyes, his hands placed on your waist. “I want you to watch yourself riding me, understand?”

You bit your lip and nodded. He placed a soft kiss on your lips and positioned you on him. You lowered yourself slowly down on him with your back against his chest. A moan left your lips as you felt him stretching your walls. His hands were on your hips, guiding you as you started moving.

“Fuck.” you cried out as you felt him deep in you

Seonghwa’s head was buried in the crook of your neck, you could hear his breathing getting heavy. He began to move you up and down. Watching your reflection in the mirror drove you crazy, seeing him slid in and out of you threw you over the edge. Both of you were a moaning mess. 

You forced yourself off him and turned yourself towards him before sliding onto him again, your boddies wrapping around each other. Seonghwa pulls you into a sloppy kiss as you grinned on him, you both moaned into each other’s mouth.

You wrapped your legs around him as he slowly lies you down on the bed, so he was on top of you. He began to thrust hard and deep into you as you screamed his name, your nails dug into his back.

“Fuck baby, you feel so good.” he groans as he moved faster.

Sweat was dripping from his body. He pressed his wet chest on yours, veins popping out of his neck as he grunted and bit his lip. His breathing getting hard and shaky. He pounded into you harder almost knocking your sanity away. Your vision starts too blur as your mind clouded with pleasure.

“Hwa, I’m going to--”

“Cum for me baby. I want you to come all over my dick.” He said as he thrusted deeper, pushing in and out of you as your walls began to tightened around him. “Fucking hell baby, you’re so tight.”

“Fuck, Seonghwa!” You moaned loudly as he hit your g-spot. 

Your back arched as he abused the same spot over and over again. You screamed his name out and wrapped your legs tighter around him. Seonghwa buries his head in your neck as you both reach your climax.

“OH MY GOD, FUCK.” you screamed out as you could feel yourself about to reach your high. Seonghwa’s eyes were shut close as he moaned out your name. He rolled his hips onto yours as your walls tightened around him. 

“Seonghwa!” you yelled out as your walls tighten and filled with pleasure.

 A few thrust later and Seonghwa comes undone into you. You watched him curse under his breath as his arm muscles flex with each thrust, both of you ridding out your highs. Seonghwa slows down his movements and rested his forehead on yours, both of you trying to catch your breaths.

“I really fucking love you, y/n.” Seonghwa whispered as he catches his breath, “I know I am an asshole but please forgive me. You’re my soulmate remember? and I can’t live without you.”

You did forgive him but you were too tired to reply him, so instead you just gave him a little smile. Seonghwa sat up, taking you along with him and cuddling you in his arms. You nuzzled your head in his chest; you were back in your happy place. You both stayed like that for a while, Seonghwa occasionally giving you kisses on you head and whispering sweet promises while you stayed quiet. You really love him with all your heart. You looked up eat him and kiss him gently on the lips, then on both of his cheeks.

“What was that for?” He said raising an eyebrow.

“For coming back, I love you Seonghwa.”

[marvelmadam08]

Baby Blues 6/?

Summary: Alex accidentally shares Ace's first milestone on IG before Chris.

Warnings: Baby shaming (is that a thing?), arguing, rude IG/Twitter comments

A/N: Would you guys like to read any of my original works? My friend has me thinking about posting my chapters on here. 

~~~~~~

4 Weeks (and 3 Days)

Although she didn’t want to give into co-sleeping, Alex found that it actually helped her sleep better having Ace closer. The self-soothing was still working for him, but rather than going back and forth during the night to feed, Alex moved his bassinet into her bedroom. Much to Dodger’s dismay.

“It’s temporary bubba.” Alex assured him

Ace gurgled from his place on the play mat, ideally set up for Alex to attempt some writing but once she was him practically hypnotized by the colorful toys hovering over him, she decided to put it aside for the moment.

"Are you having fun Alexander?" Alex cooed and tickled his little belly "You like the pretty colors?"

He kicked in response. Alex pulled out her phone, going to Instagram. She was happy when Chris finally caved and got one, she sent him so many Hamilton, puppy and Disney related videos. Now she would gladly flood his messages with videos of Ace.

“Say hi Ace, say hi to Daddy.” Alex tickled his tummy again

Ace squealed and flashed a smile.

“Was that a smile?” she repeated her actions, and he smiled wider, gums on full display and a happy grunt “You’re smiling! Look at you, your first smile!”

Alex quickly hit the send button before putting her phone aside, then went back to playing and cuddling with Ace.

“Wait until Daddy sees that smile.” She turned him over onto his stomach. He whined, tummy time was his least favorite thing to do "I know, I know but we gotta do it."

Alex moved so she was across from Ace, resting on her stomach too. He bobbed his head up and down until he met Alex's eyes and smiled again. She decided writing could wait until tomorrow.

When Renee got back from the grocery store the two duo were all smiles, Alex half singing a long forgotten nursery rhyme and Ace still enjoying the tune.

"He's smiling?" She rushed over

"Say 'yes I am, and it's not gas this time'." Alex said in a high pitched voice, getting another joyful squeal from her son

"I like smiling babies, come to Nana." She pulled Ace into her arms "Did you tell Chris?"

"Yeah I sent him a video. I don't think he replied yet." Alex looked around for her phone, finding it on the far side of the couch.

She was positive Chris replied over an hour ago, but she just wasn't paying the phone any attention. And surely enough there were missed calls and texts flooding her notifications. The most recent one being from her friends:

He's so cute Al!!

Looks just like Chris, but has your eyes 👀

About time you shared a pic!

You're trending rn

She came across the missed calls and texts from Chris.

Chris: Al call me back

Confused, Alex went through Twitter. She and Chris were in fact trending, the headline reading 'Alex Evans shares smiling video of newborn son on IG!'

"Oh shit." Alex jumped up from her spot on the floor

"Everything alright?"

Alex sped dialed Chris "Kinda sorta."

"Al?" Chris answered on the second ring

"Hey babe."

"Are you aware that you posted a video of our son on Instagram?"

"Now I am, I get that you're mad-"

"Mad, why would I be mad? Just because his first smile was shared with the rest of the world before me." He said almost accusingly

"Chris, it was an accident. I thought I sent the video to you."

"I'm not-" he sighed "I'm not blaming you."

"Kinda feels like your are."

"I just said I wasn't."

"Well your tone says otherwise." Alex snapped. Renee signaled that she was taking Ace into the other room. “Chris, I can’t undo what happened.”

“I know that, but you just opened up a flood gate of self-entitled requests and opinions from people who have no right to our son’s life.”

Alex suppress a scoff but rolled her eyes “Flood gate is a bit of a stretch don’t you think.”

“You haven’t seen the comments have you? And I can feel you rolling your eyes.”

“No, I haven’t read them, because it doesn’t matter what they think, plus I stopped reading them after we got married.”

“Well a few of the following include: ‘He shouldn’t be on the floor like that, he’ll have to were a helmet.’  ‘Wow his wife just had a kid and he’s down in Mexico? What kind of guy does that?’ and my least favorite ‘isn’t he a bit dark? Cevans might wanna get a DNA test done.’ All the other ones I already have blocked.”

“You know that last one is just some asshole troll. And why are you taking it out on me? I already told you it was an accident.” 

“I’m not taking it out on you.”

“Yes you are! Otherwise we wouldn’t be having this conversation. You’d just be happy that your son smiled for the first time.” Alex snapped 

“I am happy.” Chris half shouts, then he took a deep breath “I gotta go, they need me.”

“Sure fine.” Alex huffed out 

Even over two thousand miles away, Chris could sense Alex’s aggravation “Give Ace a kiss for me.”

“Always.”

Both waited for the other one to speak up, but they were too stubborn for their own good. Alex could hear Chris being beckoned to join the rest of the cast before it got too late.

“I gotta go.” he repeats

“I know.” Alex opened her mouth to speak again when she heard the beep “I love you.”

* * *

 Chris stared at his phone, stupidly ending the call before he could say anything else. 

He believed Alex when she said it was an accident, a few birthday and party surprises had been spoiled from her hitting the wrong speed dial button or accidentally using  ‘reply all’ in an email. But having to catch his son’s first milestone after two million strangers bothered him. The thought of being away for any other big moments, only seeing them through screens, pissed him off even more. 

His anger got the better of him this time, he knew it.

 He wanted to call back, text, hell he’d hire a sky writer to make sure Alex got the message.

“I love you.”

[chemicalpink]

Late Night Call ♡ Jungkook

Pairing: Jungkook x Reader

Words: 2.7k

Warning: Slight smut, ex!Junkook, slight angst

Summary: Jungkook and you ended your relationship a few months ago, and although you didn’t end up in bad terms, you certainly did not expect him to use your shoulder to cry on at unholy hours only for you both to end up having a heated session of phone sex and some mixed signals afterwards.

A/N: PLEASE DON’T GO BACK TO YOUR EX IF HE/SHE WAS AN ASSHOLE OK I DO NOT ENDORSE THIS. Also, if you liked this please give it some love it means so much to me + I’m sorry I rarely post but I really liked this one so I hope you enjoy. ily 

“I’m just saying, did he really had to do that?” one of your friends turned to the other dramatically explaining- or better yet, complaining about the movie you had just finished watching for your regular movie nights at your flat.

Your phone vibrated against the crystal clear surface of your coffee table, you being quick to grab it amidst giggling to what your (clearly tipsy) friends were discussing right now, the screen showing up the most unexpected series of texts you could have imagined

Kook [00:02]: hey

Kook [00:02]: u up?

Kook [00:03]: i would REALLY appreciate it if we could talk rn

Kook [00:03]: pLEase

hey : Y/N [00:04]

 yeah sure, is everything okay? :Y/N [00:04]

So here’s the thing, perhaps Jungkook and you used to date a few months back and perhaps even though he wasn’t exactly what one would call a role model in being a boyfriend, things didn’t end up messy… well, at least you thought so up until the rumour of you being a complete asshole to him and ruining his mental state completely started spreading throughout campus. You still consider yourself “friends” though, at least that’s what he’d told you every time he gets pissed and texts you at unholy hours, usually because he has had some type of ‘trouble’ (which honestly is just some stupid thing like not remembering where he put that damn cup of ramen he bought just hours ago but hey, you’re not complaining, it is quite a show to listen to his stories) but once he sobers up it’s like you don’t even exist; you have bumped into him a few times on campus and the awkwardness that can be perceived from a 10 miles radius is enough to confirm for yourself that you are indeed, not his friend, just… his ‘friend’, the one he calls up in the middle of the night and the one that can’t actually bring herself to answer. 

Your phone rings just as your friends are making their way out of your apartment and you answer the call, placing the mobile up to your ear with one hand as the other waves goodbye and then closes the door behind.

“Hey” his voice is soft against the speaker, almost as if he was afraid of being actually talking to you

“You’ve said that before, just spill it Jungkook” you snapped and you really didn’t mean to sound so rude, but you can’t keep your friends’ voices from reaching the back of your mind, cursing his name over and over again as they watched you collapse in the middle of every single class following your breakup. They sworn they had seen him up and about around campus and clubs, not affected at all while you cried yourself to sleep, even though the break up was bound to happen for some time and you were the one that voiced it. You were the one that broke up with him.”Sorry. What’s up? Is everything okay?”

“I-” he sighed heavily against the phone “No, actually… I didn’t know who else to go to, you know me better than anyone, Y/N you know me better than I know myself”

So maybe it was true, in the short six months that you and Jungkook dated, you had come to know each other like the back of your hands, better than the back of your own hand if we’re completely honest. There was just something screaming to be saved from this Busan boy that had a terrible reputation of well, a lot of things, but you soon learnt that you can only help someone as much as they allow it. Of course, you wanted to save Jungkook from himself, you made it pretty obvious along the months. But there was a tiny problem: Jungkook did not want to be saved. And that’s how things ended up. With you telling him that you were willing to do anything for him and him telling you to keep it to yourself. And man did it hurt your heart to hear him speak those words as if you giving yourself up to him was just some paper he could refuse to take.

“If we’re doing this, we are doing it my way Jungkook. Throw that vodka bottle away” there was a silence following and a clashing sound that had you guessing he had done as he was told. “Good boy”

“God I always knew you were the dom in the relationship. You never got to tie me up tho” you could practically hear his smirk, but deep down you knew this was all part of his facade to hide how he was truly feeling, a habit of his you were so used to 

“Aish you just have to ruin everything don’t you? just go ahead and talk already”

“Okay so… oh dear it is so weird to talk about this with you, I mean you’re my ex and I just-okay” he rushed his words, and you could tell he was nervous as hell about it “So I started seeing this girl and everything was going just fine and we had date night tonight but she texted me to reschedule and” the other end of the line went quiet all of a sudden

“Jungkook?” nothing “Kook?” still nothing “Kookie?” there was a muffled sob that made your heart ache as you took your place on the soft couch of your living room “I’m still lstening, whenever you’re ready”

“Thanks.It’s just that” he laughed dryly “Stupid me, as usual, thought yeah, so she said she was tired why not go to her you know? If she says she’s tired, I’ll just take date night to her” you couldn’t help the stinging pain in your heart as he said that, when you two were together you always had to bring up ideas for dates, practically dragging him out of his dorm to spend just a few minutes with you, no monthversaries’ gifts, and it came down to a point where he wouldn’t even text you for days if you didn’t do it first. “I opened the door and-” another muffled sob “Y/N” pause “She was with another guy”

Sure, Jungkook wasn’t the best boyfriend in your experience, but he wasn’t a bad person, and he surely didn’t deserved to be treated like that “Then what happened Kook?”

“I don’t know, I started drinking here in my flat. And then well, I called you. Hi” Jungkook inhaled sharply and you knew better than to talk, letting him spill every thought “I just- Y/N, I changed, for better” this time he didn’t even try to control his sobs from hitting the speaker, making your eyes start to tear up “But I am never good enough, Y/N. Everytime I’m happy it gets taken away from me. It’s like I don’t deserve it” he went silent for a few seconds except for the small crying noises and you took this as your chance to speak truthfully to him, before his usual self started to toughen up after being vulnerable and it became nearly imposible to get through him 

“Ah… Jungkook, please don’t say that. You are an amazing human being. You give your all to the people you care about. It is only fare that the universe will get you back something as good, yeah?” you sighed, feeling hot tears rolling down your cheeks “You have no idea what a beautiful person you are, truly”

“Thanks for listening, Y/N” he had almost calmed himself down completely “Anyways, how are you doing on this beautiful Friday midnight?”

“I just finished watching a movie with Y/F/N and Y/F/N”

“Ah… you still do those?” he asked referring to your movie nights, and you hummed in response “I always had this feeling that they never really liked me, you know?” he laughed faintly

“Nah… well, at least they don’t really hate you” you laughed together with him, following a slightly awkward silence

“Hey, do you still remember when you broke up with me?” Jungkook had taken a liking in teasing you with that the few times you had talked, always acting overly dramatic as to how you broke his heart and so on, at which you rolled your eyes “I can’t see you but I just know you’re rolling your eyes, lady” 

“Actually no, but I do remember that time we ended up in the same frat party and how you pulled me to the dance floor only for your drunk ass to almost knock me out while you were dancing to ABBA” his laughed warmed your heart at the memory. A friend of yours had texted you the details and as much as you didn’t want to go, you complied because, you hadn’t been out ever since you and Jungkook broke up, which was a good four months ago, plus, it wasn’t far from home but to your surprise, as you rang the doorbell, the door was opened by none other than Jungkook, who was the only person you knew since your friend was busy sucking some random girl’s face off and as things got out of control you ended up eating burgers from some sketchy 24hrs place down the road. 

“I told you I wanted to get back with you that night, yeah” his voice kept going lower and fainter as he spoke and he laughed dryly afterwards, “You told me no in the sweetest way possible” you could feel your face heat up at the memory, as you both ended up sitting on a couch, he started a long-ass monologue, very in character for him,  on why it would be a great idea to get together again. And you wanted to believe him, you really did. But the pissed man talking his feelings out through alcohol as the only way possible to do it told you otherwise. Plus, he was a little too late, two months late. You were completely over him.

“I’m sorry okay, we were both drunk and-”

“And honestly at that moment I just wanted to get a good enough excuse to get you in bed with me, for the good old days” you weren’t sure at first if that was directed towards you or if it was just one of the many verbal vomits of his “God Y/N, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you ever since we broke up. I didn’t realise we were over until I had this urge to feel you against my skin and you weren’t there”

“Jungkook what are you talking about?” you would be lying if you said that his sudden urge and octave drop of his voice didn’t made the lower part of your body heat up, but this was getting out of control so quickly 

“Do you still use that big old t-shirt to bed?” 

“I have one of yours” after ending things so abruptly, a few months in you realised that he had left one of his black baggy shirts at your place and honestly, three months after the break up just didn’t seem like the perfect timing to return a shirt. You could hear his breath increasing at the other end of the line, making your legs unconsciously clench together as soon as you reached your bed

“You can’t be doing this to me baby” you knew what was coming, and you also knew you shouldn’t want it as much as you do right now. But there was just something about Jungkook that drawn you in o him, always, as much as you fought it. Even when the night was lonely and you couldn’t sleep, somehow he made it into your thoughts as you touched yourself. And this? Honestly, this just seemed like the hottest thing ever “Y/N”

“Yeah?” your voice was small compared to his, closing your eyes in an attempt to feel him closer as if that could somehow erase every tear you shed for him and have him by your side on your bed

“Can you still remember the way I used to tease you?” you only hummed at his response at which he chuckled lowly “God I wish I could just play with your tits one more time”

Your left hand made its way down your shirt up to your right breast and started pinching your nipple and massaging it, then the left one, cold hands reminding you of Jungkook’s when he used to do it “Ah...Jungkook”

“Are you touching yourself for me, baby? Are you being a good girl imagining I’m there with you?” a small moan left your lips and it was enough to send a shiver down Jungkook’s pants, his hand going for his hardened cock underneath his grey sweatpants and he couldn’t help but remember the way you used to straddle him every time he used them, it was as if history was repeating itself, only this time you were much further away “You have no idea how much I’ve missed you, Y/N. How much I’ve missed that smart mouth full of my cock when you were being a brat”

Your hand reached down your panties and started playing with your clit, the way he used to, coating your middle finger with arousal as you made sure to spread it to your folds, in a teasing manner “I really need you here Jungkook” 

“I know baby, just touch yourself for me, yeah? Treat that pretty cunt of yours as if I was there” you slipped two fingers into yourself in an attempt to release the growing tension at the lower part of your belly and you let out a moan that made you thankful your roommate wasn’t home that night; on the other end of the line you could hear the increase in Jungkook’s breath, sure he was jacking himself off at your sounds “There is no feeling to compare you to, Y/N. I wanna fill you up, fuck you into nonsense until you can’t walk straight, you just wait until I get my hands on you, I’m gonna show you what you’ve been missing baby”

Silence struck again as only your heavy breathings filled both ends of the line, an occasional moan from your side and some grunts from his; a few moments went by with you pumping your fingers in and out, rubbing your clit, making an effort to make it feel the way Jungkook used to, when you felt a knot building, begging to be released “Jungkook I’m about to come” 

“Come with me baby” his almost growl was enough to send you spiralling into your high, as you heard Jungkook come undone just a few seconds later.

You rested on your right side, just laying in your bed and there it was again. Silence. But this time it wasn’t awkward at all, it felt warm, almost loving, as you heard Jungkook trying to catch his breath and your eyes started to drop “Jungkook?” he only hummed in response to let you know he was listening “I’m sleepy”

You would never know about the pure feeling of adoration that he felt as soon as he heard you say that, the need to protect you, even from him overcoming each and every thought of his “So am I”

“God being single really sucks I have to get up to clean myself” you laughed as an attempt to end the conversation, not really regretting what you had just done but the thoughts of guilt for doing it and overthinking every second of it unable to stop.

“Hey! as long as I’m alive, and honestly who knows how long that will be, you’re not completely single baby” he could tell you were growing uncomfortable, he knew you that much, but there was something you needed to hear from him, just in case this was the last time you two ever talked to each other “Y/N?”

“Yeah?”

“I love you” the line went dead after those three words, leaving you confused and giddy at the same time. Jungkook just wasn’t one to drop a bomb that big, even in the eight months you were together, neither of you dared to say them, knowing deep down yourselves that you and him were just not meant to last.

“I love you too, Kook” you said to no one in particular before getting up the bed, hoping to bump into him to talk things out

Masterlist

Request Something

[punkscowardschampions]

Jac & Amelia

Jac: So, you got your room 🙌 What other wins did freshers bring you? 😄 Amelia: Yeah, thank god Amelia: it's been full on enough without adding travel sickness Jac: Never going to fly when class starts either Jac: it's just slightly more inventive than coming down with the 'flu' every Monday morning, but not enough Amelia: bit intense to start crashing on my new friends floors too, I don't want to be THAT gay Jac: 😂 Jac: I doubt they'd mind Jac: but having a base that isn't totally covered in crochet decor is a plus Amelia: now that freshers is over and they're going to 🤞 they never see those hook ups again maybe Amelia: still, not the first impression I'm trying to make Jac: Oh God, tell me about it Jac: I am not trying to have people I've got to avoid for the next 7 odd years Jac: not trying to make it like home like that Amelia: very relatable Amelia: even though I have no need to count that high Jac: Is your course 3? or 4? Amelia: depends if I want to go to Canada, Denmark, Italy, Poland, Sweden, USA or the UK for a year Jac: Oh wow Jac: 🦪 Amelia: that emoji is the gayest Amelia: so yeah probably Jac: Very O'Keefe of you Jac: can't give up the 🎨 quite yet? Amelia: 😂 Jac: I've met THE perfect girl for you, oh my GOD Amelia: because I'm going to travel to Edinburgh for 🦪 after dodging a 3 hour commute Jac: She's American, you could convince her Cork has a lot to offer beside 🦪 Jac: but actually, she is UNBEARABLE, and I'm trying very hard to be nice and give everyone a chance rn Jac: she does Art History, despite the fact she seems to know less about art than I do Jac: doesn't stop her 🔊 Amelia: 💔 you put your mean girl years behind you too soon, I'm SO proud though Amelia: and I'm sure Savannah appreciates it just as much Jac: 😏 I can feel the sincerity Jac: I know though, talk about completely crazy Amelia: if you want sincerity I can totally believe she'd follow you there as if nothing happened Amelia: are you okay? Jac: I think the prestige probably beat the off-chance I'd also be there but I appreciate the belief Jac: Yeah, actually, I am Jac: it went well, better than I could've or would've imagined before Amelia: alright, that's a relief Amelia: not that it's been playing on my mind or anything since the ✨ livened up my feed Jac: I would've got in touch sooner Jac: It did cross my mind, that you'd see Jac: I also didn't wanna encroach on your freshers' experience at all, that idea won out Jac: It must've been a shock for you and all Amelia: I get it, because likewise obviously Amelia: plus you seemed like you were coping, and it's not the same as before, you have people to go to now if you aren't so Amelia: I don't know, it seemed too dramatic to come at you all !!!!!! Amelia: which is why I didn't Jac: I wouldn't have bitten your head off Jac: but I see and appreciate that logic Jac: not to mention previous experience would say I actually would so Jac: She's changed a lot too, in those 2 years Amelia: good Jac: Yeah, turns out she had a pretty rough time of it too Jac: which, obviously, but I wasn't really in a space to think too much about that back then Amelia: was likely to be more 🥀 than 🌹 living with her dad, and everything that happened with her mum Amelia: I'm not surprised even if I couldn't be very sympathetic then Jac: I can't believe I was zoned out Jac: I didn't even know about her mum Amelia: you had loads of your own shit going on, it'd be more unbelievable if you were tuned into hers Amelia: I didn't know how bad it was, or didn't want to hear it, whichever Jac: Jess made it sound like the world and his wife knew Jac: I feel awful Jac: but her mum is doing better now, and they're trying to mend their relationship, so, that's positive Amelia: it always feels like that in my 🏠 but I would've told you if I'd realised Jac: It isn't your fault remotely Jac: like you said, sympathy about it wasn't at the forefront of your mind Jac: and you can't be blamed there Amelia: I'm genuinely glad things are getting better, the last thing she needs is to feel like shit for leaving her mum again if they aren't Jac: I know you are, you aren't a monster Jac: even if you and Savannah had your differences, and the obvious situation from there 'til now Amelia: that's enough sincerity though, the last thing I need is Savannah Moore trying to be my friend again Amelia: you can keep her Jac: 😂 Alright Jac: about that though Jac: things have changed, between us too Amelia: okay Amelia: what does that mean? Jac: Well, I told her, this time Jac: that I'm not straight Jac: and neither is she Amelia: she really has fucking changed Jac: She hasn't also come out, there's no label on it or anything Jac: but she likes me back Jac: you deserve to know, and would, regardless of where we were in our relationship Jac: I'm sorry if it's not what you want to hear though Amelia: thanks, I guess Amelia: for not waiting for the 💍 announcement Jac: Things haven't moved quite that fast Jac: although, yeah Jac: I know Amelia: It's still Savannah, I doubt she's had a TOTAL personality transplant Amelia: you probably wouldn't like her if she had Amelia: so I'll keep an eye out for that post and put my congrats on it Jac: No, she's still her Jac: and I doubt her plans include a 💍 that could be bought on a student budget Amelia: true Amelia: I'll send some 💐 she'd NEVER put in the 🗑 Amelia: just the 💌 I'll actually bother to write, you know, like a normal person Jac: There goes the mystery Amelia: because of course you wouldn't recognise my handwriting Jac: I've checked your homework over enough times Jac: I doubt anyone else is rushing to send us a bouquet so Jac: process of elimination Amelia: there you go then Jac: but I have told my brother and that Jac: on the off-chance you catch him and he's dying not to bring it up Amelia: bit rude of him not to try and gently break the news Jac: Assumedly either thinking I've imagined the whole thing all over, or it'll all fizzle out before there's any need to go there Amelia: or I'm thriving so hard there's no need to bring me down 1 week in Jac: Obviously that too Jac: but you know that wasn't my intention, yeah Amelia: it's obvious you're not thinking about me, don't worry Jac: Okay Jac: do you want me to leave you now? Amelia: Why would I want that? Jac: Plenty of valid reasons Jac: to process, to not, you just don't feel like talking to me at this precise moment Amelia: what's to process? the bit about her not queerbaiting you the entire time is new, the rest isn't Jac: That's not nothing Jac: it changes the whole thing Amelia: not for me Jac: Alright then Amelia: you were hung up on her every second, what's changed for you is that was a least a bit mutual Amelia: I don't need to process any of that, it doesn't involve me Jac: It's still new information, that's all Amelia: not really Amelia: I probably should have guessed anyway Jac: If I didn't, I don't see how you could've Jac: she didn't even then so Amelia: too late to become a 🔮💎💫 gay, I hear you Jac: 🕵 is definitely a better idea Amelia: maybe I'd just really love to be able to say 'it's just a phase, mum' about something Jac: You've had plenty Amelia: name one Jac: [that boy band I said they liked lol] Jac: for starters Amelia: that wasn't a phase that was me lying that I cared Jac: yeah, okay Jac: you knew all the lyrics 'cos you cover was so deep Jac: no need to lie, they had some tunes Amelia: I knew all the lyrics because there was about 5 lines repeated over and over Jac: uh-huh Jac: you had badges all over your school bag Amelia: because you've never fully committed to a lie, oh wait Jac: There's no need to be a bitch Amelia: 😂 Jac: No, I'm not super ready to laugh about that time in my life, as it goes Amelia: okay Jac: I'm going to leave you to it now Jac: Good luck with your first proper day, hope it all goes well Amelia: actually wait though Amelia: I didn't mean that Amelia: I'm sorry Jac: Alright Jac: I know you're upset, or pissed off Jac: but being a better person doesn't extend to being a punching bag for you to get that out Jac: you can feel it, obviously, but that's just unproductive for you, and not gonna happen from my end Amelia: I know Jac: and I know that's what I did to you Jac: so it probably seems fair, or justified at least, that you get to now Jac: but it wasn't right, and an eye for an eye, you know Amelia: no, it's not fair, I wasn't being, that's why I'm sorry Jac: You don't need to stoop to my lowest Amelia: I'm trying, okay Jac: Yeah Jac: and I accept your apology Amelia: thanks Jac: should I not have told you? Amelia: I think that'd be worse Jac: I thought the same Jac: unless you were going to block me on the sly, then you would have seen Amelia: maybe I should now, I don't know Jac: If you want to Jac: to take some time Jac: or more permanently Jac: it's up to you Jac: obviously my offer of being friends still stands but I understand Jac: as I said, this changes things Amelia: yeah, if we let it Jac: You can't help how this makes you feel Amelia: but why should I let her take everything again? Jac: Savannah isn't actively doing that Jac: but if you want to keep trying, so do I Amelia: we worked hard at getting here, me and you, that's not about her Jac: True Jac: You don't have to be friends with her now, that's not it Jac: just accept that she's my girlfriend, and a big part of my life Amelia: does she know? Jac: About what happened between us? Jac: No Jac: she doesn't know a huge amount about those two years, for me Jac: I plan to tell her everything Jac: but it's a lot to throw at her in a sitting, especially unasked, you know Amelia: it'd really fuck with her freshers, for sure Jac: Right Jac: all for having the hard but necessary conversations Jac: but there's a time and a place Jac: I don't want her to feel like I'm trying to make her feel bad for me, either Jac: like 'look what YOU did' because nah Amelia: too 🥀🥀🥀 Amelia: it can wait, neither of you are going anywhere Jac: That's my logic Amelia: she'll get why you waited Jac: I hope so Amelia: come on, it'll be harder for you to say than it'll be for her to hear, she's a LOT of things, but she won't want you to go through that before you're ready to Jac: You're right Jac: it just feels like secrets, and that feels like 10 steps back Jac: but it isn't that Amelia: I'm sure even she hasn't had time to tell you everything, she'd need to be chatting non stop Jac: True Jac: if you're ever done talking about yourself and your life, that's gotta be a sign you need to get out more, right Jac: there's always more to say Amelia: right Amelia: stop being so virgo-ish about it and give yourself a break Jac: 😂 okay Jac: I just need lectures to actually start Jac: so I can freak out on that instead Amelia: same Jac: are you more 😁 or 😱 Amelia: 😕 Amelia: over 😣 Jac: You'll be fine Jac: let me know how it goes though Jac: I'm interested Amelia: okay 🤓 Jac: Well there's a lot of overlap Jac: obviously, you can usually do them as a double discipline but I wanted to go pure Psych Jac: doesn't mean I'm not 🤔 Amelia: yeah Jac: 🤏🤓 fine Amelia: we're not strangers Jac: I remember Jac: so, what are your new mates like then? Amelia: great, obviously Jac: It's a good thing you aren't taking English Jac: that description leaves a lot to be desired Amelia: what do you want me to say? Jac: Isn't there anyone in particular? Amelia: there's a whole course full of people Jac: Yeah, I like one of my profs, he's really cool Jac: but I don't know anyone on my course that well yet either, they all seem nice enough though Amelia: of course you do Jac: it's so refreshing in comparison to the teachers at our school Jac: even if he acted like a base level human, it'd be a step up Jac: but he knows his stuff, and he's down to help me get ahead, what more could I want Amelia: literally nothing Jac: But I'm still not into dudes so I won't commit that cliche, don't worry Amelia: a real weight off my mind Jac: sure Amelia: 😏 Jac: I've already done loads of prep Jac: can basically chill in his class this whole term Amelia: you can but you won't Amelia: 🤓🏆⭐ Jac: we're not strangers Amelia: maybe we are 🤏 because reading's the only prep we were given but I've already done it Jac: Not really Jac: you just pretended you weren't 🤓 Amelia: no, I just actually wasn't 🤓 about school Jac: plenty of other things Jac: you can't hide the 🤓 Amelia: it's not 😳 I literally can Jac: not from me Amelia: that'd be 10 steps back Jac: try 10000 Amelia: no thank you, that sounds exhausting Jac: you've got a 🛏 Amelia: yeah, I don't know who's more thrilled, me or my dad Amelia: getting to pretend he's allergic to pets for another year at least Jac: result Jac: won't have to fake seduce him on your behalf either Jac: I'm most thrilled Amelia: Savannah is Amelia: undoubtedly Jac: Yeah, that ain't something I ever want to explain 😂 Amelia: she'd be less understanding about it Jac: None of us are understanding that Jac: sorry to your father Amelia: 😂 Jac: I think your mum would snap Jac: go full psycho Amelia: probably Amelia: they're very 😍🥰😘 right now Jac: that's nice Jac: bit gross but good Jac: she won't call you every 10 minutes Amelia: she can try but I won't answer Amelia: the friend I like best will be here soon Jac: Sounds promising Jac: I'll leave you to it for now, for real Jac: you better get ready Amelia: you're so Amelia: you Jac: what does that mean? Amelia: I don't need 👗👠💄 Jac: what's that, a humblebrag? Amelia: hardly Amelia: it's a compliment for you, you're cute for caring Jac: It's not cute, I just like to look nice Amelia: oh so you don't think I look nice? Amelia: rude Jac: everyone looks better for effort Jac: that's simple facts Amelia: anyway, I meant it's cute you care about my social life this much Jac: because I really need you being a loner to worry about Jac: no tah Jac: obviously I'm happy for you Amelia: you don't need to worry about me whatever happens Jac: It's not optional Amelia: okay Jac: I never stopped Amelia: you can stop now Jac: That's just what being friends is Amelia: I'm no expert Amelia: have to take your word for it, if anything Jac: I know you care about me too Amelia: but you're thriving so I don't have to worry Jac: I guess Jac: it's not just for the bad times though, is it Amelia: I hope not Jac: it's not Jac: come on Jac: pull yourself together and at least do 1 out of 3 👗👠💄 Amelia: fine, I'll put shoes on Jac: that's what I like to hear Amelia: 🙄 just because I'm ignoring my mum there's no need for you to take over from her Jac: I still can't do any handicrafts so unlikely Amelia: Savannah is unlikely to wear a homemade 🧣 so I think you're fine Jac: she loves anything thoughtful but I ain't gonna start there still Amelia: 💐 Jac: Naturally Jac: both our rooms look like a florist already Jac: makes up for the shabby walls and carpet you can't do much about Amelia: any time you'd like to fully lean into the 👵 I'll do you an embroidery hoop or something Amelia: very chic Jac: they do sell a lot of that sort of thing in the charity shops Jac: I'm sure your 🎨 will be better than whatever the actual 👵 decided to do 🖼 Amelia: SUCH a compliment, I have no idea how I'm not 😳 Jac: Charity shops are in Jac: I'm not going to call it thrifting, I'm not even half-American, wouldn't be able to take myself seriously Amelia: good, please don't Jac: vintage, upcycling, all acceptable Amelia: for my mother Amelia: I'll take how 'modern' my room here is Jac: I suppose that does make a change Jac: I love the buildings though, the architecture Amelia: 🎨 Amelia: yeah, would be inspiring if I had any time Jac: Is Cork by the coast? Jac: I know nothing about that area Jac: I'm like NEXT to the beach, it's incredible Amelia: it's one of the largest natural harbours in the world, if that doesn't make you want to come and visit me, well ?? Amelia: it has it's own lovely architecture Jac: You should work for the tourism board, honestly Jac: good speech, that Amelia: 🤷🏻 Amelia: I'm here for the 🤓 and you're already interested in that Jac: I'd go to Italy, if I were you Jac: but then, Denmark might have the most interesting criminal practices and laws, so that's a good choice too Amelia: you'll visit me there then, yeah? Jac: I forgot about Sweden, but those three are the real ones to consider Jac: and we can sort visiting when we're even a bit settled Amelia: okay Jac: we've only just left Amelia: thanks for that obvious reminder Jac: 😏 Jac: you know what I mean Jac: give me a chance to get my diary in order before you're saying I'm avoiding you or whatever Amelia: give you a chance to miss me, you mean Amelia: you've got one right now, because I have to go get ready Jac: Oh, if we had to wait for that, you'd never see me again 😉 Jac: have fun 👠👠 Amelia: 💔 Amelia: bye

[captainillogical]

Devil’s Ballroom ch.3

A year after the events from the earth’s final attack, Little Homeworld is finally complete, and there’s a new jazz bar where gems and humans mingle and drink. - As you’re typing back a reply, someone pulls the stool out next to you and takes a seat. You see a sliver of pink out of the corner of your eye as you try not to actually Look. Oh god. It’s her. God can’t help us now.

Spinel/Reader

collab with my lovely wife @firstofficertightpants

    She sets her mostly empty drink down on the counter, and turns to look at you when Bismuth walks over again, stealing her gaze right back.

“That was nice, Spinel. I think that was my favorite song of yours yet.” She says to her. “You want another round?”

“Aw jeez, thanks I guess, Bis.” Spinel says sheepishly. “And yeah, I think I’ll need it tonight.”

    You pretend that nothing weird has ever happened to you at all in your life, and down the rest of your drink. You want like, 5 more of these and then you'll be able to deal with this.

Y/N: Yeah. I remember the night. She's also sitting right next to me. Uh.

Alex: for real

Y/N: I might be internally having a panic attack.

    Bismuth pours Spinel her drink, and she sighs. "It's just, today was kind of rough. Blue called and wanted to apologize for things that she doesn't need to be apologizing about, and I kind of wish they'd calm down a little and let me exist in peace."

    Bismuth nods. "Steven has talked a lot about them. They seem really difficult to be around, if I'm going to be honest. They don't quite get.. real people problems."

"You have no idea." She replies, and takes a long drink. “They don’t even understand privacy. I couldn’t do anything without them basically following me everywhere. It was stifling.”

“Seriously, I’m not sure what I expected from the Diamonds, but if you told me that 5000 years ago, I wouldn’t have believed you at all.” Bismuth says, “I’m just glad you have some much needed breathing room.”

“It was long overdue. Several months in their presence was more than enough.”

    Bismuth gives Spinel a tired smile, and turns to you.

“How are you holdin up there, Y/N?” She hands you another drink. “You’ve only been here 25 minutes or so, and you’re on your 3rd already. That kinda night?”

“Err, just in the mood I guess.” You reply and laugh. You weren’t trying to eavesdrop. Bismuth turns away to a couple of other patrons and busies herself making a few mixed drinks for them.

        Alex: dude kick her for almost killing ur dad

    Y/N: What, and get myself killed? Fuck no.

    Alex: ur a pussy

    Harper: did she say anything about you taking a pic?

    Y/N: No! Please don’t curse me.

“You know, if you wanted a pic so bad of myself, you could’ve asked.”  Spinel says, turning to face you directly. You stare at your phone and can feel your face heating up for being called out. You can feel your mouth working way faster than your brain can even comprehend.

“My friends are shitheads and didn’t believe me when I said I saw someone cute on stage.” You say, and immediately shut your mouth. If you could sink into the floor right now and disappear forever, that would be great. God doesn’t grant you this though, and you curse him for it. “I mean.. I’m sorry. That was rude of me to do without your permission.” She grins. 

“Ya know, I didn’t actually see who did it, I just saw the general direction of the flash and walked towards it, and happened to find an empty seat next to someone looking fairly nervous.” She laughs. “Way to out yourself there.”

    You look at her. Fucking goddammit. “I seem to be doing a lot of that today. Ughhhhh.” You drag your hand down your face in dramatic fashion, and take a drink. You’re starting to feel the alcohol slowly take a small bit of effect. “Song was nice by the way.”

“Oh, thanks.” She looks a bit surprised, like she’s not used to compliments. Hm. 

“I’m not so musically talented myself, but uh. I can make some mean enchiladas. AND I can make a calculator spell the word “boobs”.” You say, like it’s somehow impressive.

“What’s an enchilada?” Spinel looks at you suspiciously. Oh right. Gem. 

“It’s.. food. Hold on.” You say and pull up an internet browser to google the definition of enchiladas so you can show her a pic. You see the group chat go off a couple times and keep swiping away your friend’s rapid texts, knowing that they’re asking you too many questions right now and you’re determined to show this alien one of your favorite foods. Tonight sure is a weird night. You find a good pic of enchiladas, and turn your phone towards her. “See? Tortilla, cheese, meat. Great stuff. You can even change some of the ingredients and make them a couple different ways. All pretty good if I do say so myself.” You say as she looks at it, and you can see your phone chime with another message notification. You pull your phone away quickly before she has any chance to see whatever the fuck your friends are talking about.

“Humans are strange.” She replies, a pondering look on her face. She takes another drink and sets the glass down gently, keeping her hand lightly on the glass. You notice her fingernails are short and clean. You wonder if they grow like human nails? You wonder how similar gems are to humans in general. “You guys have to eat to survive? And you all grow so much all the time, and you’re constantly changing. You can’t even grow limbs back, or shapeshift. What’s the point?”

“The point?” You laugh. “I mean, science IS advancing and we can grow organs from plants, in a lab. Can’t grow limbs back.. yet. I can’t exactly change being human. Besides, you gems as a race don’t exactly look like you have any fun at all. Being human is all about having new experiences.” You say.

“Well, maybe I’m having fun now.” She says, tapping the rim of her glass. You kind of look at her for a second. She seems to be tapping her left foot on the side of the stool, maybe kind of nervously? Her hair is up in a ponytail, and she's pushing some of the fringe behind her ear. She’s cute, you think to yourself. 

“Oh?” You say as you smile slyly into your drink. You think you see her blush a bit.

“It’s been a while since I’ve been here. Last time wasn’t so nice. Some guy tried punching me, he was drunk and recognized me from the earth attack last year. Bismuth had to kick him out.” She says stiffly, and takes a drink. “I’m sorry about that, by the way.”

“My dad almost died.” You say. She winces.

“I am really sorry. I do regret how I dealt with my entire situation.. I’ve had a lot of time to think about it." She sighs. "I’m just glad no one actually died. And thanks for not cursing me out, for all of this."

"He's hard to kill, anyway." 

"What?" She says, staring at you incredulously. 

"My dad. He's done so many stupid, dangerous things that I remember from my childhood. He must have some kind of divine blessing, because even when he fought that gator off grandpa's porch, he came out without a scratch. And that was one really pissed off gator." You say. Spinel laughs heartily. She's actually really cute when she laughs, and you can't help staring for a second. “There was also that one time this guy attempted to rob us at a gas station, and he took the bastard down with the unopened energy drink from his cup holder. You wanna know what he had to complain about afterwards? That he had to now go buy another energy drink. That’s my fucking dad, I guess.”

“Your life sounds interesting.” She says in reply.  “I can tell that you love him though.”

“Yeah. He’s kind of my entire life. He’s all I have left of my family.” You say, smiling. “He’s a good dad. He tries his best.” You hear your phone chime a couple more times, and roll your eyes. They’re so fucking needy. “My friends are extremely obnoxious, and must know what I’m doing at all times. You have anyone like that in your life? Because I could pawn off Alex on you if you want.” You grab your phone and open up your group chat to see what they’re talking about. There’s quite a few missed messages.

    Harper: she hasn’t said shit in a while and i’m kinda worried.

    Harper: what if she got kidnapped. D:

    Alex: shes probs in the middle of a bar fight tbh

    Alex: im pretty sure that alien started it or something

    Alex: she was probs all like “im gonna kill ur planet now and finish u all off!!”

    Alex: and Y/N was like “not on my watch BITCH” and decks her

    Alex: the whole bar claps

    Harper: shut up it’s been like 10 mins and she hasn’t said anything and i’m nervous.

“I have a few people who I’d call friends here. Bismuth, Lapis, Amethyst.. Steven. I kind of feel like I’m bothering them when I’m around, in general..” She says, swirling the drink around in her glass. She regards it, lifts to her lips, and takes a drink. “Steven sometimes asks how I’m doing.. I know he cares. I have a hard time letting myself be honest with him. Cause.. you know. He’d try to solve all my problems. And I try to deal with them on my own.”

Y/N: I'm not dead. We're talking. She's nice.

Alex: wow are all genocidal maniacs nice i wonder

Harper: TALKING. YOU'RE TALKING TO HER

Y/N: YES WE'RE TALKING.

Y/N: She even apologized about my dad, and the entire shebang, really. 

Y/N: She's nice conversation, anyway.

Harper: whoa she apologised?

Alex: youve got to be kidding me rn

Alex: lemme just go revive gengis khan so we can have a nice chat over tea

Alex: this is absolutely nuts why am i the only sane one here

Alex: im gonna go fucking feral 

"It's such a Steven thing to do, too. You should've seen how he was when he found out about my mother." You laugh, and set your phone down on the counter. "He literally tried to go out and find her. He's such a sweet kid, but I had to break it to him that even if I knew where she was, I didn't want to see her."

    Off to your left side, you feel someone approach you at the bar. You turn your face to see who it is. It's a man who looks a decade older than you are, and you've never seen him before. He nods to regard you. 

"Can I get you a drink, beautiful? You look absolutely lovely." He says, leaning in slightly.

"Thank you, but I'm alright." You put in your best polite, but fuck off smile. 

"You're just going to say no without even considering it?" He smiles, and you hate it. He's giving you terrible vibes and it's making you uneasy.

"I said I'm good." 

"Yeah bu-" He starts, but Spinel cuts him off.

"She says she's good, pal. Leave the dame alone." She crossed her arms over her chest, and glares at him. 

"Damn fine, stuck up bitch. Didn't want to talk to you anyway." He spews, and leaves to the other side of the bar. Thank god, you think to yourself.

"Thank you for that." You say to her, seriously relieved. "Fucker needs to learn how to take no for an answer." 

“Yeah, well. No one harasses a girl on my watch.” She regards you carefully. “Do you mind if I ask you something?”

“No?” You lift an eyebrow in response.

“What happened with your mother?” She says, grabbing for her drink and taking a sip.

“Oh. Um,” You’re a bit surprised that she seems to genuinely care. You’ve known her for all of like.. a half hour. “She left when I was 5. Just had enough of dad and I, I suppose. Dad says it just came out of nowhere, and he has no idea what happened. We were a happy family, and then one day after dinner, she went into their room, packed some things in a single bag, and left.” You pause to take kind of a long drink. “And no one knows where she went. It’s been 17 years. Not a single word. It actually really fucked me up for years. I felt abandoned and absolutely worthless. How could you raise a child for 5 years, and just fucking bounce? Like, did she read a manual on how to fuck up your kid and give them emotional problems for the rest of their life? God, what a fucking bitch. I can’t even IMAGINE doing that to a kid.”

    Spinel is staring at you with wide, shocked eyes.

“Eventually I ended up gaining some friends that helped me get over it, for the most part. They’re stupid and I love them. And if they ever found my mother, they would murder her in a heartbeat.” You say, chuckling. Spinel is still staring at you. “Are you okay? You ask. 

“I’m fine, it’s just.. I don’t think I’ve ever met someone like me.” You watch her fiddle with her fingers. She moves slightly, and you see her shirt open, heart gem glimmering in the low lighting. You don’t want to be caught staring at it, like a crow to a shiny object. (You want to touch it. You want to touch it bad. Is it warm? Is it cold? Is it smooth? You need to know.) “I also had a very important person abandon me. The MOST important person to me, actually. For uh.. 6000 years.” You look up and your eyes make contact with hers.

“What.” You say. “6000 years.”

“Yeah.. It’s kind of embarrassing now, though.” She shrugs. “But it was terrible, and now I’m here. I’ll never get closure the way I want from Pink Diamond, because she’s gone forever. Anyway,” You kind of want to hug her. “I’ve been surviving, and I think I’m doing okay.” She smiles slightly. Bismuth is suddenly in front of the two of you.

“I saw some commotion all the way from the other side. That guy bother you? Want me to deal with him?” She says, all while refilling Spinel’s drink without even asking.

“Nah, he fucked right out of here when Spinel told him off.” You say, and finish the rest of your cider. Blegh. Warm.

“Is that so?” Bismuth say, grinning. She’s pointedly looking at Spinel. Spinel is giving Bismuth a dirty look. Oh my, what is going on there? You feel your bladder cursing up a storm inside you.

“Bismuth, I’d like another beer please.” You slowly get up on sleepy, wobbly legs. “And I’ll be right back, gotta pee.” You turn and look at Spinel, who looks back. “Guard my purse.”

“Cannnn do.” She says while taking another drink.

    You make your way slowly over to the bathroom that was actually just 15ft away from you, and go over to one of the stalls and plop down onto the toilet, pulling out your phone to look at group chat. 

    Harper: so my brother got catfished again

    Alex: LMFAO

    Harper: how many times is this? 4? for fucks sake

    Harper: he’s 29. you’d think he’d have his shit together by now, but noooo.

    Alex: that is honestly the saddest thing ive heard

    Alex: wins most pathetic man of the month

    Y/N: oof.

    Y/N: Yeah that’s just sad.

    Alex: Y/NNNNNNNNNNNNN!!

    Alex: how are yoooouuuu

    Y/N: I’m fine. I’m having a nice time.

    Harper: you still hangin with the not-evil-now alien? :p

    You choose to reply later, and instead finish your business in the stall. You come out and wash your hands, making sure you wash them thoroughly. You never know what kind of germs are in bar bathrooms. You’re drying your hands when you hear the bathroom door open, and someone is walking in. You turn to look, and it’s a familiar figure. A man. 

The man from earlier.

[nastybuckybarnes]

Wicked Games  - Three

Pairing: Bucky x Reader Soulmate AU

Summary: Everyone in the world has a soulmate. And until they meet that soulmate, everyone in the world stops aging at 25. Wrongfully accused of a horrendous crime and on the run, you happen to bump into the man who’s been avoiding you for the past seventy-five years.

Warnings: Language, Minor Violence, Injury

Word Count: 1.3K (she’s short, sorry)

A/n: I’m really tired rn and idk how good this chapter is. I just wanna write the spicy stuff lmao

MASTERLIST 1  2   Series Masterlist

You wake up slowly, confused and kind of scared.

Your wrists are cuffed together behind your back and you’re lying down uncomfortably in... a bathtub.

You push yourself up on your elbows and look around as much as you can, hissing in pain as your calf burns. A quick glance down to it let’s you know that it’s still bleeding and quite possibly infected. The white bathtub has red smeared where your legs are and you feel bad for whoever’s house this is. Until you remember who lives here.

Just as you’re about to sit up further, the door unlocks and opens, the cop standing there in a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt, arms crossed tightly over his chest. 

Your eyes are drawn to his left arm, the one made totally out of metal.

“(Y/n) (Y/l/n). We’ve been looking for you for a while.” You look up to his face and tug against the cuffs, sighing heavily in defeat. 

“Why am I here? Why didn’t you bring me to the station? Or do you have guys coming to pick me up?” He stares at you for a few moments then walks into the bathroom, towering over you.

He sizes you up with his eyes, lingering on the still-bleeding wound on your calf. 

“You killed a police officer, called the cops, then ran. You’ve got quite a file growing.” You glare up at him, “you’re not allowed to be conducting this kind of interrogation without my lawyer present! I know my rights!” 

He chuckles and leans back, his arms crossed over his chest. “I’m sure you do, sweetheart. Now you stay here while I go make a few fun phone calls.” With that, he stands up and walks out of the bathroom, locking the door behind himself.

~

“Buck? You’re up early,” Steve’s groggy voice says from the other line. “Did something happen? Did you find her?” Bucky opens his mouth to respond then stops, hesitating for a moment. 

There’s an annoying voice in the back of his mind telling him that he shouldn't tell anyone that you’re here and that he should keep it to himself. The same annoying voice that’s causing him to be strangely entranced by not only your story, but you as a person as well.

“Bucky? Is everything okay over there?” He snaps out of his trance and clears his throat. “Yeah, everything’s good. Just wanted to know if you knew anything else.” He surprised at his words, having wanted to tell Steve about your presence in his main floor bathroom. 

“Nothing yet. But we’ll figure it out." Bucky sighs heavily and pinches the bridge of his nose, frustrated with himself. “Yeah, you’re right. I guess I’ll let you go now. Sorry for waking ya, punk.” Steve chuckles from the other end, “whatever. See you later.”

After hanging up the phone Bucky paces around his kitchen for at least fifteen minutes, pissed off that he didn't tell Steve about you but relieved at the very same time.

It’s exhaustingly infuriating. 

Eventually, he calms down a bit and makes himself a coffee, deciding that he’ll go for a jog to clear his mind then come back home with a solution.

~

You’re not sure how long you’re alone in the bathroom, all you know is that your leg hasn’t stopped bleeding and it’s very very hard to pull down your pants when you’re hands are cuffed behind your back.

You’re unravelling a roll of toilet paper when the bathroom lock clicks and the door opens, revealing the officer fully dressed in his uniform.

“Taking me to the station?” You ask, your voice wavering with fear.

He stares at you with an unreadable expression in his eyes. “Why did you kill Rumlow?” You glare at him, trying to shove aside the part of you that wants to open up to this strange man. “Go to Hell.” He sighs and squeezes his eyes shut. 

“You know, I might be one of the only cops in this town who actually cares about your side of things.” You snort, “is that why you’re keeping me here against my will? Holding me hostage?” 

“Let’s not forget the fact that you broke into my house. Which is trespassing. So you’re not innocent at all in this situation, keeping in mind the fact that you’re a wanted criminal.” 

“And you’re keeping me from the law now, which means you’re breaking even more laws too!” You exclaim, smiling as he glares at you. “There are only a handful of cops on this case that will help you and listen to you. The rest all want you dead or behind bars for killing Rumlow. Chief of police-” “Alexander Pierce wants me dead too,” you interrupt, having your own reasons for saying it.

“Well, yeah. Rumlow was like a son to him. He won’t really listen to a single word you have to say.” You exhale deeply, closing your eyes for a moment. “Why do you seem to care more than your colleagues? What makes you so different?” He opens and closes his mouth a few times, trying to figure that out for himself.

“You just... stay in here till I get back.” You open your eyes and look over at him, “you’re not turning me in?” He looks at you, fighting an internal battle before slamming and locking the bathroom door, not speaking another word to you before he goes to work.

You lie back in the bathtub, confused as to why this cop isn’t turning you in. 

Dread settles in the pit of your stomach as you realize what he might do or want you to do. You’re a wanted criminal and he’s been letting you stay here so far. It’s only a matter of time before he asks you for some form of payment. 

You shudder as the different things he could ask of you flash through your mind.

Mustering up your strength, you push yourself to your feet and step out of the bathtub, limping over to the door and trying the handle.

“Fuck,” you hiss, wishing you weren't cuffed. 

Swallowing your fear, you open one of the drawers, turning around and looking at the contents.

Nothing useful.

“Fuck fuck fuck!”

You continue looking through the bathroom for nearly an hour, finding absolutely nothing helpful or useful in any of the cabinets or drawers. Eventually you give up and get back into the bathtub, closing your eyes and trying desperately to come up with a plan.

~

Bucky dreads going back home. 

He doesn't want to face you and what you still being in his house means for him.

But, alas, he has to return home. And when he does he’s surprised to see you asleep in the bathtub.

He walks over to you cautiously, kneeling down and inspecting the gouge in your calf through the blood-soaked gauze.

You open your eyes then kick your legs up and around his neck, pulling him down beside you.

“Fuck!” He shouts, struggling to get out of such an awkward position. 

You pull yourself up and pull him down, trying to knock his head against the tub.

He eventually shakes you off of him and gets back onto his feet, chest heaving and eyes set into a steely glare. 

“If you don’t fucking stop pissing me off, I’ll hand you right over to Pierce!” You glare up at him, fighting tears as you feel hopelessness wash over you. “Now, either you stay fucking still and let me stop you from bleeding out on my bathtub, or you slowly bleed out and die. You pick.”

You lie back in the tub and squeeze your eyes shut, surrendering to the man.

As he cleans and stitches your leg you can’t help the few tears that stream down your cheeks. 

Although he hasn’t hurt you yet, he still might. And that idea alone is enough to make you wish you were dead.

You slowly open your eyes, realization dawning on you.

Right now, with this cop in the room, you’re as good as dead anyway.

~

TAGS:

PERMANENT TAGS: @smolbeanbucky @wildefire @inumorph @impalatobakerstreet @nanna022 @mummy-woves-you @m-a-t-91 @wtfholland @bookgirlunicorn @beautifulwisdom2001 @deep-sea-glitter @mrhiddles-81 @iamwarrenspeace @bitchacho25 @escapetheshackles @i-know-i-can @buckyssoul

MARVEL: @fallenangelfangirl @look-to-the-stars-and-wish @maladaptive-ninja-returns @cliffordasparagus @april-14-blog @potteritis

BUCKY: @chuuulip @nerd-without-a-cause @natashasnight

WICKED GAMES: @lilypalmer1987 @bisexualfangirlsblog @i-am-always-famished @clarysthing @starkxpotts @e-wolf-98 @i-run-on-green-tea @nerd-without-a-cause @jamesbuckybarnes13 @theonelittleone @bradfordsgreekgod @littledeadrottinghood @ashlebetty @izhetbean @mu-mu-rs @bruisedfaye @bisoueffleurer @itsphinee

[purplesurveys]

696

Taking this while I’m a little buzzed lmao let’s go!

Would you tell your co-workers what underwear you have on? LOL no? I feel like it would be awkward whether I was asked to tell or not. How far do you live from your parents? Right now I’m...twelve seconds away from them. I still live with them lmao, and we’re only a floor apart right now. How often do you cook for yourself? ...Never. I don’t know how to cook. Do you buy store brand or name brand items when shopping? Meh this was also asked in the last survey, just sayin’. We usually buy name brand. Do you make your bed each morning? Yep. If I’m too lazy or groggy to do it my mom would do it for me, but that doesn’t happen a lot.

Do you have a certain newspaper you read? Not really. I typically go to the papers’ online sites now because they’re a lot easier to read and the articles are more concise there. My go-to is Rappler, but they don’t have a newspaper equivalent. How many family photos do you have in your home? Several. We have some on the steps leading up the second floor and a couple in my parents’ bedroom. Are you concerned about the economy? Just a fair amount, lmao. I’m not that big of a player in the economy just yet other than the fact that I buy stuff... so for now it wouldn’t really matter if I pay attention to the economy or not. What is the most interesting food you've eaten? Kwek-kwek. It’s literally quail eggs deep fried in bright orange batter. It’s so weird. I don’t know why they had to be orange. The story behind making century eggs is also pretty interesting to me. Do you remember anything you learned in school? I remember bits and pieces but I don’t remember every fact from a particular topic. Like I can tell you each of the mitosis phases, but I wouldn’t be able to tell you what happens in every phase. Are you happy with how much money you make? I don’t make any yet. Do you believe in staying "healthy"? I mean I believe its effectivity, but I don’t necessarily do it for myself lmao. How do you feel about people who drive SUVs? I don’t care? Most families I know have at least one.

When is the last time you saw your real hair color? Right now. What is your favorite type of gum? I’ll always be a sucker for the classic bubblegum flavor. Are you the type of person that will parallel park? Sure. I have a tiny car, so it’s easy to parallel park virtually anywhere. Will you drive around the block to look for a spot? Yes. Do you answer your phone on the first ring? Depends on the nature of the call. If it’s something/someone I’m dreading, I’d let it ring for a little while haha. Can you sleep with a door open? Never. What about with the curtains or blinds on your window open? Sometimes I’d really have to because it can be warm in my room, so yeah. Do you like to gossip? Yeah, only with my close friends though haha. Is your second toe bigger than your big toe? It’s a little taller, yep. Do you alphabetize your movies? OMG hahahah I don’t collect my movies anymore, but the ones in my hard drive are categorized by year, cos my high school self thought I was REAL EDGY doing that and not alphabetizing lmaooooo. Everyone who wanted to borrow movies from me were so pissed cos they knew nothing about any release dates hahaha. What do you like to collect? Am not really into collecting anymore. The last thing I did this with was with coloring books, but that was two years ago. How many pancakes could you eat in 5 minutes? One or two, depending how hungry I am. Do you think cheese and mustard together on a sandwich is gross? I think mustard in general is gross. It’s never been part of the Filipino palate, so even though I’ve tried putting it in burgers or hotdogs, it has always tasted so off to me. How do you feel about babies? Too much work, but worth it. Would you buy a kid candy just to make them stop crying? Never. To you, what is "the best thing since sliced bread"? Peach soju, which is what I’m trying for the first time rn. It’s AMAZING. What is the worst taste to have in your mouth? Rotten milk, wine, or blue cheese.

[chimtaesty]

required help

pairing: bts ot7 x reader | 3.1k words.

warnings: death, blood

plot: werewolves and vampires have their destined territory since they haven't gotten along very well the last centuries. Trespassing can lead to problems or an invite to take down some dickheads who interfered with you a long time ago.

A/N: Hi there, I'm so stressed rn. I have this big Italian exam in two days and I don't feel ready. Thank you for all the sweet responses on my recent works and the requests and stuff! I promise to get to it as soon as I have free time again! This thing is so messy but I liked the idea of it. I hope you like it because this is hella long! love you ♡

With careful steps you look past the big tree. You can smell them, the dogs. They are laughing, goofing around. You shouldn't be here and you're very aware of that but the little piece of their land is a lot shorter to cross than the other way.

Suddenly something grabs you by the neck and you whip around fast enough to rip its hand away from you. He lets out a big yelp and catches the attention of the others. Within a moment all of them are gathered around you two. His arm still in your hand while he whimpers. “Let him go, bloodsucker” a low voice almost whispers behind you. You shake your head and suddenly a harsh kick against you head knocks you out.

The next thing is you uncomfortably restrained against a chair. The smell of those dogs barges into your nose and you frown a little.

You're put in front of a big table and seven men stare you down. “You're awake” the man straight across from you states and you almost roll your eyes. “Come on, let me go” you answer instead. he smiles slightly and shakes his head. “It's not that easy, vampi. What did you do in our territory?” you frown and just sigh “The little path along the lake is shorter than crossing it within our territory. I didn't have any intentions” you answer. He nods. “Can you open the cuffs?” you ask and he shakes his head again. “No can do” he answers and the others smile as well.

You roll your eyes. “Alright, I've asked nicely” you whisper and snap the cuffs apart without any problem. You rip the cuff parts around your wrists off and slide it over the table “I asked”.

He stares at you with wide eyes. “Can I ask you something?” a voice to your right comes up “Shoot” you encourage the coconut head “How old are you?” you frown and you fake gasp. “Don't you know that you don't ask women about their age?” he frowns a little. “But, I'm 230 years old” you smile at him “Well actually 252 because I died as I was 22 years old” you correct yourself.

He nods and looks quite surprised. “You know, I don't have any intentions but I have to open this window” you say as you get up. Two of them almost jump at you “Calm down doggo, everything's okay” you say and open the window. “Not to be mean but I'm not used to such a strong animal smell” you answer their dumbfounded faces.

You sit down again. “What? Surprised that I can smell as good as you?” They shake their heads no. “Do you really kill people for nothing, like fun?” a blonde one asks and you sigh “Have you never talked to one of us? Never heard anything? No I don't kill people for nothing. I usually only drink a little bit at special occasions” you answer. A slightly brighter boy asks as well “How many people did you kill?” you squint your eyes slightly “I stopped counting” you plainly answer. “I am on this earth for a long time now, after all” you answer.

“We need your help, vampire” an amused smile plants itself on your face and you chuckle lightly “My help? Wow, this took a turn” you laugh. The leader, you suppose because he sits at the spot across from you, frowns a little but swallows his pride. “Someone is threatening us and we are not as experienced as they are” he explains himself.

“Who are we talking about?” you ask and his face slightly lights up “ The Exodus Pack” Your face shoots up and a smile rests on your face “I'm in” you answer and he stands up so fast that his chair falls over “Thank you so much..” “Y/N” you answer for him. “But I have one condition” you smile. A dark haired one frowns “I knew it” you squint your eyes “It's nothing big. Let me taste you” The hand he held out for you to take stopped. His eyes widen and you catch on pretty fast. “I don't want to suck your cock you nasty dog, I want a little bit of you blood” you almost shout at him. His shocked state doesn't change much and you roll your eyes. “Give me your hand” you hold out your hand for him to put his in.

“Why do you want his blood?” a slender good build man asks you. “Well, that's a good question..” “Hoseok” he answers fast. “Right, well you must know. Wolf blood tastes great but a werewolf's blood has this mixture of human and animal blood it's like the most delicious thing on this planet other than chocolate donuts.

And it has been a while since I've had some” you answer. “It won't even hurt that much, put your big boy pants on” you smirk and lead his arm to your mouth. Within seconds you let your fangs appear and puncture the spot you want to drink off. He gasps but keeps quiet. The blood has such a sweet metallic taste that you almost moan out. A swift look to the boys makes them almost jump. You gather yourself and let go of him but making sure to lick the spot to let it heal faster.

“Wow, you have some delicious blood right there” you let your head fall back and the blood tickle down your throat. “Thank you..” “Namjoon”

“Thank you, Namjoon. You taste great” you chuckle. The room falls into awkward silence and you sigh slightly. “So what did you do to piss them off?” With a swift motion you wipe the excess blood off of Namjoon's hand and place it into your mouth.

“Umh, they fought with one of us because we didn't want to do their dirty work. Since we are a junior pack they expected us to kiss their feet but we didn't want to so here we are.” Hoseok explains and you nod “So I am supposed to do your dirty work and wipe them off of the picture?” he nods “exactly” you smile and lay your feet on top of the table. “What do I get for that?” he sighs and is fast to answer. “You can ask favors too, we wanna understand vampires better so please say what you want” You smile “It depends, how about a second taste to start off?”

He doesn't seem so happy about and nods hesitantly.

You take their looks in, who would you like to taste? Your gaze hushes ober a slender smaller boy. His pink hair makes him seem less threatening. “You” you whisper and within a second you appear in front of him. His eyes are big and he inches away from you “What's your name?” you ask as you take a light wiff, his sense fills your nose and flowers seem to bloom inside. “Jimin” he whispers. You smirk and stroke over his neck carefully. “Don't be nervous, I won't kill you” you chuckle. “Can't you take it like you did with Namjoon-Hyung?” you shake your head slightly.

“No can do sugar” he gulps and you take place next to him. The others just watch in horror.

“Don't be so scared, ten minutes ago you were the big threatening wolves. Look at you now” you chuckle. “I'll hold you” you whisper and he nods. Carefully he moves onto your lap. “You said that you want to understand me, right?”

you ask and a low huff follows. “The things is that blood is essential like changing into your wolf is. You have to do it even if you dislike it and killing someone or something is required. I didn't like it, I hated myself for it. I wanted to kill myself when I came back to my senses, I killed so many people. I cleared out villages back then but I settled with animals. Until a hundred years ago I started to subtly kill people again, I killed people who deserved to die. Until now I only had an incident with one pack. I erased them when the were about to kill me. I never wanted to kill them” Jimin's gaze comes up to you “That was you?” you nod with a sad smile “It was me alone” you whisper.

With a light push you lay Jimin's head down. He breathes in and sighs silently. “Everything’s going to be fine, Jimin” you whisper and with a gentle stroke over his neck you take your bite. You let go of him. With a strangled breath you don’t fight it anymore.

A blonde boy lays in front of you facing the other way. Wolves surround him while he whimpers and tries to speak properly. Jimin. Slowly they begin to transform into human figures. “Oh look at you now Park. Where are your dumb pieces of friends now, huh?” you walk around the happening event taking in the situation as good as you can. “They will come” he whispers while strangling a cry. “They won’t and you know why? Because they don’t care about you. You can’t even transform into your wolf yet” he laughs and Jimin cries some more “Leave him the fuck alone” a low voice catches everyone's attention, including yours. You chuckle lowly while the other boys come into sight “Oh, who do we have here. The whole gang. Look Jiminie” he smiles before he kicks him into the stomach. “They’ll leave you as soon as they know that you have never transformed into your wolf. You’re a coward Jimin and soon everyone around will know.” Suddenly a big grey wolf jumps towards the unknown boy ready to rip him to shreds.

With a harsh breath you come back to your senses. The boys are surrounding you while Jimin holds you with terrified eyes. “Y/N?” Jimin whispers and you just breathe in closing your eyes. “What happened?” Namjoon asks. You smirk slightly and shake your head “Something i shouldn’t have done” you answer. You try to stand up but your legs give in and one of them is able to steady you. “This didn’t seem like nothing, you passed out as soon as you drank from Jimin” Namjoon continues to complain. You nod and, as he introduced himself, Taehyung helps you to sit back down next to Jimin. “Was his blood that bad?” a low voice chuckles and Jimin frowns “Yoongi” he snaps and you smile towards the floor, you’re quick to shake your head no. “No, Yoongi. His blood was delicious the thing is that when i drink from someone i am able to dig up their worst memory. I can suppress it and decide if i want to see it but i forgot about it when i drank from Jimin.” you look at him. “And his worst memory makes you pass out?” you shake your head. “The last time i saw someone's memory is so long ago. It overwhelmed me” you smile. Jimin seems frozen next to you. “I won’t talk about it if you don’t want that.It’s your memory after all” you whisper. “But i have one question” you lean back and look at him through your eyelashes. “The wolves which appeared, those were the exo pack,right?” his head snaps at you and a split look encounters you. You nod and sit back into your recent position. “I’ll make them pay, i promise” you smile and he nods.”But before we make their asses pay i want to eat something.” They obviously seem quite surprised and confused. “You just drank” a unknown boy asks and you laugh “I mean food. Like pizza or take out. I do eat you know that, do you?” their expressions don’t change and you smile fades. “What else didn’t they tell you”

-

“The food is great” you smile and namjoon smiles at you awkwardly. “Are you alright?” he asks you while the others stay quiet. You nod and give him a eye smile. “You ate four burgers and a whole noodle menu on your own. And your attitude changed completely” you sigh and look down onto the table. Slowly your shoulders slumb down and you put your fork down. “Excuse me, where is the bathroom” you whisper still looking down onto the floor. Jimin is fast to show you the bathroom. You lock the door and with shaky breathing you walk towards the sink. You look at your pale self.

“Don’t open up to others, they’ll only hurt you because of what you are” you rest in your mother's arms. Her grasp strong and her voice piercing. “They’ll only hurt you when you least expect it my sweet child” you nod and a tear leaves your eyes. “I won’t ever open up mother.” she nods and a short sweet kiss follows. “Remember my words child, keep away from the living and live your life how you ever want to. I love you” suddenly her eyes close and you’re left with her arms leaving you and her blood on your hands. Killed by the Living. Killed by the exodus pack.

A soft sob leaves you and stumble back. Too far, you stumble into the bathtub and hit your arm. It’s dislocated. That’s the last thing that bothers you at the moment. You can’t stop crying and by this point you start to cry noisily. “Y/N?” a soft knock snaps you out of your disaster and your breath stops for a second. You have to go out there again, right. You pull yourself out of the tub and walk over to the door with your arm hanging there dislocated as it is. You take a swift look at yourself in the mirror and regret it immediately. You look like the first time you went rampage on the village near your own.

You open the door so fast that you master to startle Jimin and Yoongi. You don’t look at them but take on walking to the next door, which leads to the dining room. “What happened?” Hoseok asks seemingly shocked. You don’t answer but position your arm against the cold door frame. “Oh my god, what did you do” Jin asks trying to touch you but you look at him with the darkest gaze he has ever seen in his whole life. He backs off and you take all of your power together and slam your shoulder against the door frame. “Fuck!” you scream and fall down onto the floor just to feel the pain stabbing you.

All of the people you killed flash before your eyes. The lifes you took. You’re a monster and you know it you just ignored the fact. You killed werewolves and a lot more magical creatures and you shouldn't be in their presence at all.

Just as you are able to feel the pain leaving your shoulder you stand up breathing hard. Nobody says something. Hoseok tries to help you stand bit you're quick to push his hands away. “I'm killing them now” you whisper. Namjoon gasps and holds your arm. “I think you should calm down” you shake your head and sniff slightly. “I've waited too long. I'm going to rip them apart, one by one” Taehyung protests “We don't want you to kill all of them. There are kids Y/N” you nod and take a step away from them. “I know” you whisper back before you open the front door. “It's not the first time I killed children.” You murmur before you leave to the enemy pack.

-

Just a good hundred feet away of their pack you stop. You check the situation while the bangtan back gathered behind you. Their pups are playing in the grass, the mothers talk it has each other and the men are nowhere to be seen. You can smell their faint smell, they've been here not long ago. Silently you leave to the two big houses. A shout to their children makes you smile. You pick up two of the crying children. Out of panic they start to growl and their little fangs long to prick your skin without success.

“Cute little things, right?” you smile before a low growl snaps your attention away from the kids in your grasp. “Let them go” the voice is so familiar. Just as familiar as his great grand father. “This little thing here?” you laugh and he just charges towards you. “One more step and I'll suck them dry within a second” a woman screams for her children and you try your hardest to ignore her.

“Are they yours?” you smile. His gaze seems hurt and panicked, they are his.

You put them down so that they run to their mother. With a swift motion you grasp his jaw as he watches his pups running back to their mother. The pack of his is fast to back him up but the bangtan pack is faster. “You're a disgrace, sitting yourself on the side of a blood sucker” he shouts. You've had enough. “At least I don't kill a whole family and leave one child back to die. Your grand grandfather did some shit things but you took after him quite well. You're the disgrace here” you snarl and strengthen you grasp on his throat.

He has problems breathing and scratches your hand furiously. “Good night Alpha” you whisper and dig into his flash. You don't drink his blood, no. You tear his flesh apart together with his bones. His pack howls and howls in murmur. You're in too deep in your task of tearing the man apart that you don't notice the packs fighting.

You rip his heart out and take steps away from the bundle of flesh and blood which was once a man. “I Y/N claim the alphas position and his belongings.” You shout. The situation falls silent and the packs look at you in disbelief.

You're covered in blood and whatever body fluids. Your face is splattered with blood and eyes have such a dark black color. “The Exodus Pack must follow the bangtan pack now since their alpha is dead. If someone has a problem with my decision please fight me now” you smirk.

You stumble towards the packs with the heart in your hand. You raise it and take a big bite out of it. “The bloodsucker wins once again against the living. It was my pleasure helping you out” you smile towards Namjoon. You throw the heart onto the grass and take your leave with a soldier motion. “I'll check on you” you smile before you leave to clean yourself up.

[70swonderpoisonstark]

Poison ( V )

Villain’s are people too, are they not? (Y/N) is taking the “home grown” terror title a little too seriously. You’re really really bad, until you meet a certain super soldier who makes you consider a career change. It’s a lengthy process, but you’re willing if it’s for the right reasons. Maybe you’re not so bad after all?

//basically poison ivy and a little bit of bane but with marvel characters?? I’d be original but I love her and them so much so sorry. also some changes, idk I’m making them my own but completely based of the DC characters SNS. Nickname Ivy, real name, yours duh!//

***this is my first attempt at fanfic so any feedback is welcome! I love all these characters dearly so, here goes nothing! Hope you enjoy***

A/N: Violence, language, crime. Friendly banter, lowest level of smut possible {I’ll update these as the chapters come out}

recap: you were drunk and heading to bed, your reputation with the Avengers seems to be doing better.———————————————————————————————————

Bucky was up before everybody else, nightmares tend to have that effect on a person, so he wandered the compound like he always did. He knew every corner, every step and every curve of the technologically advanced palace. Venturing out and admiring how far society had come in terms of architecture and technology, gazing at the large rustic clock that hung over the marble fireplace beneath it, wondering just how many parts made up such a huge clock. Were there as many parts in the clock as there were in his arm? He'd probably never know, but it was still enticing to think about. Bucky's favorite place though, was the glass walkway that connected the garage to the main part of the compound. He was thrilled by the idea of making a secured walkway out of something so easily broken as glass. The amount of light that always seemed to shine through always brought him a sense of serenity. The ability to be free, yet also confined to a safe and armoured area was just what his never resting mind needed. He looked through the windows, staring into the rising sun as it filled the rest of the earth with golden rays of warmth.

Once the sun has officially taken its place in the sky, he made his way back to the kitchen. The weirdly shaped plastic pod popped into the modern coffee pot as he waited for his mug to be filled with black coffee.

"You know, Sam's gonna kill ya for drinking out of his mug again." A sleepy Steve walked smoothly into the kitchen. His white shirt loose for the first time in history, shifting with his hips as he walked to a seat near the island.

"If he ever wakes up we'll talk about it." Bucky retorted as he tipped the glass to his lips. He looked at the clock about the oven, it was barely seven AM, and after a night of heavy drinking, Bucky was lucky to see anybody, especially Sam, before noon. The abnormal twists and contortions of Steve's body on the bar stool produced a very concerning vibe for Bucky. He could tell there was news to share, but a nagging voice in the back of his head lead him to believe it wasn't good news, at least for himself.

"Speaking of people who won't be up for a while," Steve began. "I might have spent a period of time with the newest team member." Steve wiggled his eyebrow suggestively, looking very pleased with himself. Bucky's hands clenched, subtly cracking the handle of Sam's mug. His body reacting before his mind could, metal parts whirred and tightened at the sound of Steve's words.

"What do you mean?" Bucky asked, trying to mask the anger in his voice with intrigue. He spoke calmly, trying his hardest to be friendly and supportive. It had been a while since Steve was this jazzed about a girl, but it felt wrong. Bucky wasn't interested, but imagining Steve with her wasn't something he wanted to think about, ever.

"Well, after everybody went to bed there was a loud noise from her room. I checked on her and she was just laying on the floor." Bucky heard the noise too. How stupid could he be? HE should have gone and checked on her, and all of this could have been avoided.

"I picked her up, slowly though because of her tendency to jump to her defenses. She laughed a lot, but I got her sitting up and she slurred a thanks to me. You know, I never noticed how normal she was until right then, the whole teams been trying to kill her before she kills them and there she was, drunk and sleepy just like everybody else." Bucky's ear were red hot, listening to Steve describe Ivy as if he just realized she was a human being, it made him nauseous. He knew Steve was coming from a good place but, how do you listen to your best friend gush over a murderer?

"Then she kissed me. It was shocking, but welcome. Buck, she's amazing. I don't think she'll remember because the kiss was short, but she did say lucky her, well, I think at least, she definitely said something that sounded like lucky. Isn't that great Buck?" NO. No. Nope. NO. DAMMIT BUCKY NO. How was he supposed to react to that? Shake his hand and congratulate him. She was evil, and, well, quite frankly a flirt and just not right for Steve.

"I don't know Steve, I think the two of you would cause a lot of trouble." Steve's giddy mood hitched suddenly and hard. Trouble? He's America's golden boy, what trouble could he possibly cause? Steve mind flashed back before the war, before the serum, to how all of Bucky and his night's used to go, resentment creeping into his mind.

"And why is that?" Steve crossed his arms and shifted his weight to his right leg, face twisted tightly as he awaited Bucky's response.

"You guys are both lawless, breaking rules you think are unjust. The two of you would be great, uh, but you need a nice girl Steve, and she's a little.." He didn't know how to end that sentence; seeing the look in Steve's eye, the anger, caused his brain to malfunction.

"She's a little what, Buck? More your type?" That hit Bucky a little harder than it was probably supposed to. Your type? As if murderous, lawless, rebels were his type all of a sudden.

"Wha- No, Steve that's not what I'm saying, she's just-" Steve's emotions took over the conversation as all rational thought had been thrown out the window. He fought with Bucky. As his best friend he should be happy for him, not lecturing him about finding a good girl. Old Bucky would have celebrated that a girl even talked to him, but no, new Bucky couldn't accept the fact that he was fair game now.

"No. Stop talking. You just can't handle that a woman might actually be interested in me instead of you, huh? It's just like old times, if she doesn't want you then something's wrong with her?" Steve's anger bubbled over to fury. Bucky had always had all the female attention, and now that Steve wasn't doing so bad himself Bucky was just going to gut him? That's not the Bucky he remembered.

"Steve, no. I'm not interested I just mean-" Flustered, Bucky tried to explain, he really did just want what's best for Steve.

"You know what, I'm done with this conversation. I wanted to talk to my best friend about a girl. Which is to much to ask for nowadays." He stormed out of the room, pissed off that Bucky wasn't happy for him. Sure, he might not know if he actually likes Ivy, or if it's just the allure of the potential threat that she is, but still, he kissed a girl, a girl kissed him. Bucky should've been happy for Steve, they're best friends, he couldn't have kept his bad opinions to himself this one time? Steve pouted all the way back to his room, so caught up in his emotional turmoil that he completely missed you walking out of your room and towards the kitchen.

You meant to smile at Steve, but he seemed down, and was hardly paying attention to his surroundings, so you avoided any contact. You were severely hungover, but all your time as an RN had really taken a toll on your body, so sleeping in was never an option. You solemnly walked your way towards the coffee pot, noticing Bucky at the last minute. He too seemed off, trouble in paradise probably. You left it alone, he normally avoided you anyways so you weren't going to go out of your way to say anything to the metal-armed hunk. You pulled your coffee cup away from the machine, adding just enough creamer and sugar to make it taste good, but not enough so that it wouldn't actually taste like coffee. The silence that filled the room was comfortable, then again you were used to most people being quiet around you, especially Bucky. As you traced the ring of your mug with your fingertip, something, a small tug in your brain was trying to remind you of something urgent. Looking up at Bucky for a split second, you heard the alarm inside your head, but couldn't figure out why you're inner fight or flight mode was being activated. Something happened, something including Bucky. Bucky. Bucky.. Nothing. Nothing came to mind as you racked your brain trying to remember this thing that's sounding alarm bells inside your head. You knew you'd been drunk, very drunk, but you'd remember sleeping with somebody. You definitely hadn't fought him, mostly because he was still alive(All the physical fighting's just for show, if you were attacked one touch and they'd be in a body bag). You hadn't walked in on anybody. What on earth did you do that was so terrible your cheeks were burning bright red? You contemplated every reason for you to possibly be embarrassed by and nothing. It wasn't until you saw him wipe excess coffee away from his sweet lips that you remembered everything.

You had tripped walking to the bathroom, you didn't have to pee or anything you just wanted to take your makeup off and brush your teeth. You were exhausted, and after falling so many times that night you just gave up, laying still to gain the courage to try to walk again when he came in. Broad, strong shoulders, and large biceps picking you up from the floor and setting you on your bed. A muffled, "Are you okay?" was heard through your drunk and sleepy haze. You knew who it was, who else would hear a small bump in the night and check it out?  The room was dark so you couldn't make out his features, but you knew, drunk you was sure of who it was. He asked a few more questions and helped you sit up straight, the two of you were already close, thighs touching as the two of you sat on your bed. You'd been crushing on him for so long, even before you became an Avenger-In-Training. He was everything you thought a man should be, a little broken, but with a huge heart and a dedication to do what was right, not what was legal. You couldn't help yourself, you just had to do it. You leaned in and kissed him right on the lips, hoping to God he would reciprocate the gesture, and to your surprise he did. He cupped his hand around your face, his rough calluses caressing your smooth cheek. "Bucky." You sighed, he was so incredible, you'd kept up with him since before the Avengers knew about him and had been fascinated ever since. He was strong, mentally and physically, but understands his trauma and how it affects his day to day life, and works through it. You'd never been so in love with a person you'd never met before, so when you finally did meet him, it was hard to stay a cold hearted bitch. He was so wonderful, you didn't want the kiss to stop, but refused to be the drunken lay of the Avengers compound and pulled away. A soft, "Goodnight." Was all that escaped your lips as he left your room.

Looking at him in the present light, sober, and completely off guard kicked you in the stomach. You tried to hide the embarrassment, attempting to keep the squirming to a minimum. You could feel him staring at you, he definitely remembered. Oh god how could you have been so irresponsible? Kissing a coworker after a couple bottles of alcohol? How stereotypical. You had to say something right? It's not like you could just sweep it under the rug? This was kind of a big deal.

"Hey, uh. Bucky." You started, could this be any more awkward? You were about to find out. "About last night, I-uh, I wanted to apologize for being so forward. I was really really drunk and I just kinda went for it without any notice on your behalf and if I made things between us worse then I'm really sorry and uh, we can forget about it all you want." Smooth Ivy, real smooth.

Bucky stood and stared at you for a while, trying to figure out what exactly you were talking about. He hadn't talked to you at all that night, he kept his distance and watched you from far away, and you definitely hadn't come and said anything to him after all that drinking. Bucky thought about what you could mean, knowing he wasn't drunk and had no clue as to what you were referencing, he figured he'd ask.

"I would love to accept your apology," Good, good okay so now you can just forget it right? "But I don't have any idea what you're talking about."

"You, you don't?" You were taken aback, was he drunk too? Maybe he didn't remember either? God were you going to have to say it out loud? How much more horrifying could this get?

"We, well I guess I, no we, well after I fell last night you came and helped me up from the floor, made sure I was good or whatever and then I... well.. you remember right?" Every muscle, blood vessel, and neuron in Bucky's body froze in their tracks. Was she about to say-

"Well I kissed you, and I was super drunk and I just wanted to apologize because you've made it clear you want nothing to do with me but yeah. I'm sorry we made out, uh, I was very drunk, and it won't happen again." You looked at a now stoic Bucky, was he angry? Oh god, you've really done it now.

"Uh, so yeah we don't ever have to speak about our kiss ever again, and I'm gonna go hide in shame, so thanks? I don't know, yeah, uh, bye, thanks." You grabbed your mug and headed straight for your room. What happened to cool and calm Ivy? What happened to kill a bitch Ivy? What the fuck IVY?! YOU DUMB BITCH IVY HOW WAS THAT SO AWKWARD FUCK. You grasped your coffee with both hands, silenting scream at yourself. You tried to stay positive, thinking, well. It can't get any worse than that. (Oh how wrong you were.)

Bucky stood frozen in the exact spot where you'd left him. Trying his hardest to process all the information that was just thrown at him. YOU thought it was HIM who kissed you last night? YOU thought YOU kissed HIM. YOU had, drunkenly, wanted to kiss HIM? But it was Steve, you kissed Steve? But you thought it was him? And now Steve was mad because he wasn't happy for him, but Ivy didn't think it was Steve at all, she thought it was HIM. SHE WHISPERED BUCKY! NOT LUCKY HER. Good god what was going on. How the fuck was he supposed to figure this one out on his own.

"Looks like you've got yourself a bit of a problem, huh?" Why? Why did God forsake him like this?

"Please tell me you didn't hear any of that." Bucky silently prayed that Sam hadn't heard a word, knowing that Steve had already shared the news with Sam, so Sam knew exactly what she was talking about.

"Oh, no. I heard all of it. You thought Steve was mad before, he's gonna kill you now." It was everything in Bucky not to slap the stupid smug grin off of Sam's face.  

"Don't. Say. A. Word. Deal?"

"Deal? I'm not getting anything out of that agreement, Bucko." Sam wasn't going to tell sweet old Steve any of it regardless, but he never missed a chance to piss Bucky off.

"I'll replace your mug?" Bucky wasn't the best at bargaining, he usually just punched the person, got what he needed, and went on his way.

"You were already going to do that." He was right, Bucky had accidentally broken a few of Sam's mugs and replaced them all, sometimes without him noticing.

"I'll leave you and Steve alone for 'bro-time' or whatever you call it?" Negotiations were easier when you could kill the person afterwards. Now he actually had to do what he said.

"Again, you already kinda do that." True, Bucky was never much of a 'large group' kind of guy, and sometimes more than Steve counted as a large group.

"Fine. $50?"

"My man, we are in business." A large slap landed on the back of Bucky's back as Sam chuckled at his big business deal. He was screwed. Steve was somehow already in love with you, and the moment that made Steve think you liked him too, you thought it was Bucky. The whole situation was giving Bucky a headache. There wasn't any way for him to casually bring it up to you or Steve, he'd just have to sit there and wait for the brutal reality to fall on them.

You were a wreck, he had just sat there the entire time and said nothing. You'd always thought he was different, sweet, just a little damaged by society just like you. The talks the two of you have had ((when he was slightly drugged but still)) were so deep and meaningful, and it's like he doesn't remember any of it now. Was it because you were within reach? Was he just falling back on old ways and your conversations didn't meant anything? Was he disgusted by you? With the devil and Angels on your shoulders yelling distracting you, you ran smack dab into the center of Steve very hard chest, collapsing at the impact.  

"Oh shoot, sorry Ivy I- I, uh, wasn't paying attention."  He was jumpier than normal, you noted subconsciously.

"No, no you're fine Steve I, wasn't paying attention either.  A lot going on, yanno?"

"Yeah, yeah I do." Steve had such a fondness in his heart for you. How sweet you ended up being once he you got past all that ice. He felt compelled to do something, he had to, right? After a night like that he had to do something to solidify the actions? Your smile was enough for him to gather the courage. He grabbed you by your waist and pulled you into a deep, passionate kiss. You were shocked at first, not wanting to react or kiss back, but the care radiating from his lips, and the general amazing feeling it gave you changed your mind. Not long after his surprising gesture, you had your arms wrapped around his neck , deepening the kiss as your tongues tangled in each others mouths. You felt hot, and wanted more, much more. You pulled down softly on his neck, his hands finding their way to your hips as he gently pushed you against the wall. His hand rests on your thigh, raising it to his own as the two of you exchanged silent, sloppy words. You broke the kiss, only to rest your lips along his neck, kissing softly as you felt his body tense, you were both hot, body's craving more as the loneliness hit you harder. You knew it was wrong, but for a moment his hands were cold enough to be mistaken for Bucky's. It felt so right, and then he grabbed you by your chin, twisting your head and returning the loving neck kisses. You couldn't deny how starved you were of attention, how much you needed somebody to touch and love you, how Steve was an opportunity to have a loving embrace. Your hands trailed their way from his chiseled chest to his cold belt buckle, lust devouring any rational thought that popped into your head. You were ready to give Captain America everything you were, and he was ready to receive it. Steve went to open the door to whatever room the two of you were in front of, when the whirring of metal made the two of you jump apart and run away very quickly. You walked into your room, cursing yourself for falling so easily into Steve. It was great, wonderful actually his lips on yours, his lips on your skin, but you wanted Bucky, you had to have Bucky, and now it just became even more complicated because you decided to think with what's between your legs instead of your head. Maybe he didn't think anything of it, he had been known to be very iffy with women so maybe you just weren't for him and he'd let you know next time he saw you. You weren't really his type anyways, he was a good guy, loved a blonde bombshell who volunteered and read to children and blah blah blah. He wasn't into you, you were a bad guy, past tense, but still he would never,  right?

Steve felt like he could fly, the embrace the two of you just shared solidified the fact that he wanted you, and vice versa. He was going to continue his plan to somehow get you to commit to him. He knew your history with men was deadly, but he wasn't about to let that stop him. You were stunning and beautiful, and funny. You lit his skin on fire, just a touch and he was ready tear whatever clothes you were wearing off immediately. He wanted you, mind, body and soul, and he wanted you bad.

Bucky had wanted to talk to you, to tell you that it wasn't him but he wished it had been. He wanted to say that he would love to talk to you more, he wanted to tell you how he felt weirdly connected to you. And then he walked upon you and Steve basically fucking in the hallway.

His heart dropped. Seeing you with him, he knew it happened the night before, but you had thought it was him. You definitely knew it was Steve this time. Did he drive you to this? Or did you only want Bucky to get to Steve? Had you apologized because you and Steve were already dating? Who came onto who? Bucky didn't know what to think, but seeing Steve's hands rummage so sloppily over your full hips and waist ignited a fury inside him he hadn't felt in a long time. Was this jealousy? He couldn't remember what it felt like to be jealous but this was definitely what he thought it felt like. He was pissed, not only at Steve but also himself for not saying anything when you came to him. He could've said so many things that would have prevented that explicit scene in the hallway, but instead he remained speechless, silenced like always. It wouldn't happen again, he couldn't, WOULD NOT, let Steve have you. He could have any girl he wanted, you were his. And after 70 years of being deprived of needs, he would have you to himself. Someway, somehow, he knew he would, even if he had to dip back into his HYDRA roots he would find a way for you to love him, you were a villain after all.

———————————————————————————————————

// sorry for the wait, a girls been kept busy. Hope the chapter turned out well, and thank the lord for the wonderful @lunathepettuna for being the cure to writer's block! Check out her amazing writing if you get a chance! If anybody has anything they’d like to see lemme know! Thanks again! P.S. if you guys want to throw random vocab words at me I’ll try and find a way to incorporate them and tag you! Thanks for reading! May Odin bless you! //

[faroutspaceman-blog]

My weekend so far. . 1/2 -1/4/19

My weekend starts off on Wednesday because quite frankly I can't remember what I did Monday or Tuesday. Those days are now non-existent. Forever lost in the trash bin of my deep ugly brain. Here I am laying on my bed, bored out of my fucking mind. I strum a lil guitar, sing a little, but put it back away because I realize I'm still as shit at guitar no less than I was 5 minutes before i picked it up. Now the only logical thing to do is sit and stare at my ceiling loudly moaning irritated grunts of boredom at my innocent ceiling. I get up and decide to make the most extravagant fucking sandwich. Well it was subpar, I usually put lettuce on it but we were out so I settled for a greenless burger. Whatever. I go to sit back on my bed and enjoy my sandwich, when I get a call. I fucking shoot up and tap that answer call like I just felt a rush of heroin in my blood. Thank the fucking lord. My brain almost had an aneurysm from how bored I was. My friend Vanessa and her Boyfriend (who happens to be my ex lover, love that..fuck) asks me if I wanna hang.

Me: "why yes I do want to chill, but if I'm still eating my sandwich by the time you pull up, your ass is waiting at the driveway."

Them: "we have Goldfish and Arnold Palmer's tea"

Me *while stuffing the whole sandwich in my mouth* : SAY NO MAS IM READY

I get on my new Blockbuster hoodie I bought the day before (yes from the world's only Blockbuster left in my Local Bend, Oregon.) And some jeans I found on the floor. I grabbed my keys and my bag and phone. Hiked up my driveway (which let me tell ya was a whole fucking mission in itself. ) Hall ass down my street I see Vanessa's car and they're driving like maniacs down my dirt road so I obviously take advantage of the situation and throw a peace sign into the air and lay in front of her car ready for my death. She stops and I hop in and am greeted with both my promised food items. I was very happy. We drive to a friend's house about a few miles from my house because we need to refill our pods with juice because ya know.. gotta get that nicotine rush. We had 8 full pods to last us the day. (They did not last for 3 people.)

After we fill our pods, we head down to Redmond, Oregon to the local 24 great Walmart to do what ever because we were bored, I decided to challenge my friends to a game of Hide n seek, and I was the only one who hid because they were being lame. I won it took them 40mins to find me. I was in the office supply Ile. After we went to Walmart, we went to Fred Meyers. stole their WiFi and lounged on their couches until it closed. Nothing special pretty boring.

Then Johnny, Vanessa's Boyfriend, gets the bright idea to swing by his house to see if his parents have packed up to leave to Idaho. If they are gone, Johnny plans to break into his own house ( I say break In because he just got kicked out.. again for refusing to be Mormon and for smoking and going against his parents) They are not gone yet so we decide to go to our chill spot which is way up on this hill where you can see all of Redmond. We talk, watch vines, etc.

Anyway I decide to go outside and look around, as I'm looking around Vanessa joins me. We are across from the car and we look around and I find this underwire leopard print bra a smashed TV and a lone boot. So I was already like "what the actual fuck happened here?"

I still forward towards the TV and there I see it, an empty grave, it looks fresh. I turn to Vanessa and she's already booked it back to the Car with me right behind her. We lock the doors and turn on Nextflix (we were watching Chappie).

Halfway through the movie, this man in a green Subaru pulls up next to our car. This is already fuckin weird because only few know about this road.he parks his car a lil ways from ours, cuts off his lights and just idles. At first were cautious but he just seemed to be doing the same we were, so our fear eventually subsided. We finished our movie, the car was still parked, and we pull out to check to see if Hunters parents had left. As we were pulling away we saw that the man had a blond haired woman in her car, but not to be rude she looked like a hooker. He was probably waiting for us to leave and we accidentally rang this man's bill up 200 an hour. Oops.

We checked Johnnys house. They're still there. Guess we're sleeping in the car tonight. We decide to try and find some food, we pull into Domino's and order a large pizza. As we're waiting for pizza, I joke able how I've cut my Cornea in the most retarted way to Vanessa's boyfriend. I move my hands to get the hair out of my face, and the string to my hoodie cuts my eye. At first I thought there was just something in my eye so I start rubbing it. It really fucking hurts. I close my eyes and black thinking it will go away but it never does. We drive back to the chill spot and on the way back, we see that green Subaru on the main Street leaving from our spot,but I saw no girl this time. Who knows we were gone a long fucking time. Must have dropped her off a few ways back. We get back in on the hill I manage my eye to keep the excess light out of it and my friends play Madea boo 2 on next. When the movie ends we decide to just go to sleep on the hill. I'm a little pissed at this point because I just wanted to chill and not murder my eyeball.

We put her back seat down and I'm on the far edge in the backseat wishing I never came because maybe if I stayed home this wouldn't of happened. Then there's a knock on the window. Not like an accidental hit it was clearly a knock. I dont say anything, it isn't acknowledged between any of us. I try and sleep and Johnny is freaking out

"dude are you fucking hearing this. It sounds like footsteps and dragging outside."

I don't hear shit so Ignore it. Then Vanessa starts hearing it. And I know she doesn't lie so I'm flipping my shit at this point. Vanessa jumps into front seat and She whips her car off the hill so fast we was cooking.

We end up driving back to Walmart to get me eyedrops in hope it'll make it better. As Vanessa is running in to get eyedrops, this girl stops us to ask if she can use her phone because her friends ditched her at Walmart ( what fuckin assholes. ) She waits away from our car for her friend, and she quickly comes back telling us that a man asked if she wanted a ride home and a smoke.we told her to wait with us because I was suspicious that it was the man in the green Subaru.

Vanessa's comes back with the eyedrops and we leave the parking lot without the girl. I strangely don't remember saying goodbye to her but we did apparently? We park in the neighborhood and get back into the backseat of the car. We play never have I ever until 4 am. We fall asleep and wake up at 6:30 am. I'm still asleep I. The back seat when I hear Johnny's happy that his parents are gone, he tries to look for ways back into his house but it's a no bueno. They drives to lowes while I pretend to be asleep on the backseat of the car. All I heard was lockpick and Saw and I already knew someshit was about to happen.

They park back at Johnny's house and I stay in the car. About 10 minute later Johnny comes back In the car and yells "we got it". Sweet so the lock picked worked? Nope they sawed a hole in the backdoor. He is for sure going back to jail after this. Vanessa guides me inside because I'm blind and can't see. We sit on the couch i call an eye doctor in bend and make an appointment for 4pm, for Johnny's uncle that happens to coincidentally be an eye doctor. He lives a block away from Johnny. Around 12 pm. We leave Johnny's house and go look for other things to do I. The area.

We pull into this Freshman's driveway,(Tom) and lets get this straight, Tom is fucking annoying and no one likes him because he is a fein for pods and nicotine, that and he thinks he's tough shit. Proud why he got excelled. We've had to help him with every fight he's been in. Trash.

We chill at his house for a while, and eventually his step mom walks in and kicks us out "get out of my house, I don't like kids having sex on my couch"

Honestly we just came over to steal his food. His step mom is such a joke. She has the biggest crush on our friend Jason. We could honestly break apart that whole marriage and cause such a scandle with that information. Anyway it's about 2pm now, my appointment is in two hours. We drive to the park and wait.

5 minutes later Tom skates to us on his long board, asks if he can hang and throws his board I the trunk.

Fuck. Just when I thought I was gonna get away from this kid. We drive by away from the park and go towards bend for my appointment. The whole car ride he blows his burnt vape in my fave and it smells like ass. I asked him to stop. He didn't. We stop at the grocery, I stay in the car, while Tom takes a smoke break out the car while Johnny and Vanessa shop. 3 minutes pass and he asks if I want a smoke.

"no that shits nasty"

"come-on. They don't even taste like stogies. They smell soo good*

He shoves the pack of cigs in my face and I was getting pissed. The only way to get rid of his prized cigs is to threaten his prized cigs.

"if you don't get that shit out of my face rn, I swear I'll rip them all up then spit on them"

"I'll beat ur ass if you do"

I just smirked at him as he took his cigs back and closed the door.

It's about 3:45 and we head to my appointment. Vanessa directs me to the office. And it's so bright in there, I instantly start crying which makes my eyes hurt even more. I honestly have never wanted to just instantly die in a moment than now. I just want to stop hurting. I'm finally able to open my eyes and the office by is actually very nice. I fill out the paperwork and the doctor sees me right away.

I try and play it smooth, talking about how broke I am, and how much I love Jonny so he'll give me a discount be because I don't have health Insurance.

Then he says "be in remember you, we played ping pong at Johnny's house during their Mormon party."

I had flashbacks to the Mormon party, and how we won the game, how I almost fucked Johnny in his car afterwards on the way back home. But it felt wrong because Vanessa was there. Then I remembered the hole in the back door.

"yeah that was really fun. I remember we won."

He didn't day anything he just put numbing drops In My eyes and this yellow dye. He looked at my eyes and said

"you have a 3 millimeter cut on your eye. You really did some damage"

"dammit"

He writes my prescription and im ngl I almost booked it out the door. But I waited instead. He me 120 for a 2 minute visit. Asshole. After I talked so nicely with him.

Me and Vanessa went back outside but the car was gone, so was Tom and Johnny.

We called them, they're a block or two away. We waited and waited, and entertained ourselves by kicking rocks to each other that made the best ear tingling noise you could imagine.

A couple minutes later the car pulled up and this girl other girl was in the car. Wtf man I just want to go home. As soon as we get into the car everyone is aguing about where we're going and Johnny wants to Trade My weed for pods.that he didn't even ask me if he could be trade. Which pissed me off A SHIT TON. johnny, Tom and this dumb dumb bitch kept arguing about pods and juuls. I realized how absolutely fucking retarted it is and how I never want to sound like that. I save all my shit to Johnny and just said " I quit" . We drove into Safeway gave them my perscription. Told us to come back in 20 minutes. Dropped dumb bitch off at her friends no house. Johnny traded my Weed for pods. And Tom proceeded to cuss out girl we traded with calling her names like fat ass, which I did not approve of. Tom commented on something and I swear I almost killed a kid in front of my friends. Tom was lucky that night. I would have strangled him if it wasn't for my eye.

We go back to Safeway and they try and charge me $47 for a $4 perscription. Fuck that. We transfer it to Walmart. We drive home, I'm the first to get dropped off. Thank fucking god.

My mom comes into my room, and hugs me and just listens to me sleepily jabber about anything.

Last time I'll ever sacrifice my subpar sandwich for goldfish and Arnold Palmer's.

Never again

[yaminerua]

Y’all I am seriously not having a good time rn

And like yeah literally no-one is because this year is a fucking disaster but god..... I feel like I’m getting backed onto the edge of a cliff by stress...

I’m sorry I’ve been slow with commissions and barely got any new art done but man I just don’t have the emotional or physical energy to...

This year has been one year after another of stressful or upsetting things even just in my personal life alone and that’s not even INCLUDING the state of the world and everything else going on...

Like god my papa died this year and I knew he was going to eventually because cancer is a fucking Bitch but it happened faster than anyone thought only a few days before the UK’s lockdown was finally put in place. So I couldn’t go to the funeral. But my aunt had said even before we knew we wouldn’t be allowed that if my brother and I showed up there’d be a war. Because of all the Stupid Family Nonsense that has just been swirling and bubbling and frothing over the years. My gran is torn between wanting me to visit cos I’d be good company and hating my guts because of all the Shit that’s happened.

I dunno how to abridge it... it’s mostly them rewriting history or just straight up misinterpreting the ways or reasons things happened and pinning it all on my dad, his family, and my and my brother instead of the actual people who fucked everything up, those being the crooked lawyers who fucked us over 20 years ago, my mum after her meltdown changed her into a horrible person and her family who tried to gaslight, kidnap, blackmail and manipulate us all the fuckin way.

We were terrified of them because they tried to kidnap us and keep us from dad, tried to lie to us and change the way events unfolded by telling us completely false versions of events despite the fact we were present for most of them and they absolutely did not play out the way they wanted us to believe. Tried to brainwash us against my dad and his family and then turned around and tried to say that him and his family were trying to brainwash us against THEM.

So much distress and upset happened whenever we visited and other things happened that were just plain terrifying fear-for-our-lives shit that we just. Didn’t feel safe going over anymore. But they refuse to accept that. And think we just cut them off and abandoned them (which is rich since actually the cutting off happened from their end first but, again, they loooove to rewrite history).

So all of that mess is being continuously dug up to guilt trip us and make us feel bad because our cousins hate us, my aunt Despises us, and my gran wobbles in between of wanting to see us and also despising us too.

I made an effort to rebuild the bridges that had been burnt because I wanted my papa to know I didn’t hate him and that I wanted him to see me again and know that an effort was being made to patch things up because I knew that was what he wanted. And he never deserved to have been cut off from us. It was the women in the family who were being the assholes and he was just for the most part caught up in it.

He was so happy to see me and happy to think the family was beginning to come together again. Unfortunately his daughter and her sons do not respect his wishes. And my mum flip flops because she’s still affected by what happened to her more than 15 years ago. Her head got so messed up by all the legal stress and the brainwashing from her mum and sister that she just. Doesn’t remember what was real or what was false anymore. But also won’t ever listen to our side because it’s Wrong By Default.

So we ‘abandoned’ her in her eyes and she will Always try to Remind us. of that and all the other bullshit she wants us to believe.

My phone anxiety is directly related to her and Now I have to talk to her everyday because my papa’s death unfortunately opened up the communications that I’d forced closed for years to protect my own mental health.

But this year has just been ‘fuck your mental health’ so. naturally that wish gets kicked out the window and the phone can’t be refused anymore.

Sometimes the calls are ok. She talks about herself for 2 hours and then that’s it. other times it becomes a rant, an attempt to convince, an attempt to deliberately make me feel awful and Oh Boy is she Good At That. And I can’t hang up on her because that pisses her off More and then she’ll write a horrible email to my brother where she tries to pull the same shit on him and I refuse to have him have to deal with that because for SOME FUCKIN REASON she only pulls this shit on the phone with me and NEVER DOES THIS TO HIM.

God. Why.

Anyway that’s just one thing that’s persistent and continuous. And I make myself sadder about it watching old home videos we found from 20 years ago. One of them I’d never seen was the literal day I was born and it.... it shook me so much I broke down watching it. It’s like watching good days, innocent days when all seemed well, knowing the future and how wretched and awful and deeply traumatising the years ahead are for that little kid who has no idea what’s awaiting them.

Cue lockdown and my dad and brother and I are looking after my granny. She had a stroke 2 years ago, hit her head on a cabinet and had constant UTIs for months and then had another stroke last year and as a result her mind is foggier than it used to be and her mobility isn’t what it was so she requires a lot of constant watch and care.

None of this is her fault, but I’m just not built for the long-run in a carer position. The first year put me into a meltdown, and I had another worse one last year and I was dreading if there would be one this year because I’d felt so on-edge and burnt out.

And then lockdown happened and the chances to get away for a bit of respite to recharge my batteries went out the window. Dad had no help to balance his work calls which sometimes went on all day, and granny. Other than me, but for reasons I have yet to finally have an answer for, my body has just been having problem after problem that leaves me drained and/or in pain and less able to do the physical help I was doing before. Doing the cooking and washing up to take it off dad, and getting up to keep an eye on granny or help her with personal care like I used to.

I’ve had this goddamn pain that doctors haven’t been able to find a diagnosis for since April now and it’s just become more and more limiting and I’m on a waiting list to get referred and god only knows when that will actually end up happening.

Doctors suggested it might have been stress that brought it on and the response to that is usually to reduce stressors but like. My life is the stressor so idk how to fix that. I can’t get away because guilt and stress over dad having to handle it all would follow me anywhere I went anyway even if i COULD go somewhere else for a break.

My uncles aren’t very helpful either. One makes excuses not to come and help and the other WILL go on a throwing out spree if he was to come in and I cannot trust him to not throw out important sentimental stuff without a second thought as to whether it was wanted because he’s done that before.

Plus that one has had his own health scares and even had a bit of a mental health crisis in the middle of the year which was probably brought on by the isolation and distancing stuff lockdown brought about.

One major contributor to the daily stress was the nagging worry that there was gonna be a Major Event this year that hadn’t happened yet. There’ve been major events that put granny is hospital without fail every year for the past... 4 but maybe even 5 years. It felt inevitable. But also terrifying because hospital felt like the worst place for her to go this year with all the virus stuff happening...

We had carers coming in to help with her but they weren’t really that... great. Wore their masks under their noses, didn’t self isolate when they got sick before they could get tests and lo and behold, despite the fact I hadn’t been out anywhere and the only contact I had beyond my own family were the carers, I got a cold which thankfully really was Just a Cold.

Not wanting to risk granny even getting a cold I stuck to my room and only came out to use the toilet or grab food/drink and all times I left my room I wore a mask and used sanitiser before I even left the room so I wouldn’t put anything on any surfaces. I was careful.

But either I wasn’t careful enough, or whoever gave ME the cold passed it to dad as well. Because then he got sick. And he didn’t have the option to distance himself from granny. Because I was still sick too and my brother Doesn’t do the personal care. So he wore a mask and tried to look after her while coughing and sneezing his guts out.

We thought we were gonna be ok. But then it happened. She got the cold anyway. We think it was a different carer who gave her it because this one was Really Hacking Up A Lung with her. Mask on still but, idk, the hands on care means you’re up real close and even a mask doesn’t stop everything. Plus this woman would pull her mask down to speak sometimes it was....?????

So granny got a cough and cold and we prayed it wasn’t covid and thankfully it doesn’t seem to have been. She’d had a cold in february so we thought ok if we just keep looking after her and help her fight it off we’ll be ok.

September 11th, one day before her birthday, at half 7 in the morning dad woke me up yelling for me to grab the phone so he could call an ambulance.

She was slumped against him in the top floor landing, face drooping, unresponsive and making deep loud groans that sounded honestly like a cow’s moo. It was an awful sound.

It then progressed to a weird rattly, wet breath. Like you’re trying to suck the last water out through a straw in a cup with just ice in it. Like a rattly snore but from the throat and not the nose.

Ambulance came and they said her blood pressure was high and still rising. She was absolutely unresponsive and cold and clammy to touch. The only response they could get was pinching her ear and she let out a loud pained groan.

They took her away and it was later just assumed to be a chest infection so she was put on antibiotics.

I think just. The accumulated stress of everything else just. Hit me like a train. It’s horrible to be relieved to get a break because someone’s gone into hospital because it felt like there was no other way you were going to get a break. But I felt so burnt out it happened anyway and I feel awful for it. my body was in so much pain and my head and everything was just exhausted from stress and exhaustion in general.

She wasn’t in very long though and I think before we knew it was a chest infection related collapse we’d all assumed it was a third stroke and thought she was going to be in for as long as she had the last few times to rehabilitate.

I honestly hate what ended up happening next.

The stress of it all just blew up and I had several days of frequent uncontrollable panic attack-type meltdowns.

I just. I lost complete control of myself. Slamming my head against the wall and floor and counters, scratching my arms, pulling my hair out and just.... screaming so loudly my throat was so so raw. This happened every day. I got into a negatively spiralling process of overthinking and overworrying and just melted down into a fit of stress

The third day of this, dad called the ambulance on me,which made me feel so so so much worse for wasting their time on something I wish I’d had enough mental control of myself to just. stop from happening....

they sat with me for nearly 2 hours and once I was able to even speak relatively coherently at all I just cried about everything from childhood trauma to everything else that’s all combined to fuck me up.

The lady called the mental health folks because she felt I definitely needed to see someone for some support and put me on with one of the women on the phone but that woman was so incredibly unhelpful and passive aggressive even the ambulance lady was shocked and apologised for that person’s behaviour but god it has just absolutely wrecked my faith in being able to get any help for all of this mess.....

I honestly feel.... terrified of myself.... Because I’ve had meltdowns before but I’ve never had one so bad I lost control of myself. Like I could have legitimately harmed myself in that mess. I even wanted to. It was the closest I’ve come in a long time of actually being like wow I could Actually Follow Through with Killing Myself and it terrified me because fuck at least that time years ago when I was planning on doing it I was more in control of the action and was able to stop....

Now I’m not even sure if I got in that state again I would be able to stop myself. And that’s terrifying....

To make things worse, that third day when the ambulance people were talking me down out of my whole mess, granny had been brought home and they ended up taking her back to the hospital because it was deemed not safe to let her in while I was upstairs screaming on the floor.

So :)))))) the police called. Because not allowing granny into her legal home was an issue and I was the cause :)))))))  Even tho I didn’t actually ban her with my words, I just wasn’t in a good mental state at the time and I tried so hard to calm down once i knew she was out there waiting but I was so stressed about what was going to happen I couldn’t get it together fast enough and then had to worry if I was going to be in huge trouble over it. So THAT’s wonderful.

Anyway. She came home the next day with a very very sore side and we weren’t sure if her ribs were sore from coughing or if she’d bashed herself in an unreported fall in hospital or what.

But the next day I was helping her take off the bra her carer that morning had put on her despite knowing her side pain and then she was sick and I was freaking out because granny and sick never go well so I was super worried...

Thankfully it wasn’t long lasting but the pain she had continued to be excruciating and a doctor came later on and said her liver area was very tender so she ought to go get it checked.

So we took her to hospital by car because we were told the ambulance wait would be longer.

But because the virus is increasing in the country again the restrictions are up. So while I had to come to help get granny in and out of the car, I wasn’t allowed to go with her and dad inside. And dad had the damn car keys and it was dark, late, cold as fuck and windy.

I was outside shivering my ass off with nowhere to wait for nearly 2 hours. They wouldn’t even let me in at first when I was about to piss myself.

After that first 2 hours dad briefly came out to tell me it was looking like it was gonna be a while longer so I just asked him for money for a taxi because at this point it was already after midnight.

I got like no sleep that night cos I was worrying about dad’s chronic sleep deprivation. He didn’t get home until 6am.

Anyways she’s been in and had scans but they can’t find anything and have just given her painkillers and mysteriously they say the side pain is gone. Whether thats just from painkillers or if it’s actually gone without discovering what caused it idk. But not knowing stresses me out like I’d have rather there was something to treat instead of it mysteriously being very painful and making her sick and then disappearing. Like what if it comes back?

hhhh anyway she’s supposed to come home tomorrow and again I still don’t feel like I’ve shaken off the burn out and my pain is still there too  so physically I’m still a mess and I feel so bad about my lack of productivity especially on commissions I still need to do...

I don’t even think I can take much more stuff happening this year like. I’m legit not sure I’m gonna make it to the end of the year rn folks...