#hashtag unfinished forever

[aquared]

i have too many followers you all might have to die

[kustas]

I'd love to hear your hashtag wha critical thoughts about recent developments if you feel like sharing them :)

I'll preface this with saying that for this answer I will not be making a distinction between my personal tastes and what is "objectively worst". The TLDR is I have felt like WHA's been dipping in quality since book 8 approximately.

One of WHA's strong points is its ongoing theme of accessibility, via its premise of how magic is purposefully restricted from people, and via its characters, mostly the kids, who showcase various life issues and allow the story to talk about how to solve them. Disability is an important one and was at the center of book 8, which is one of my favorites. You get to see Tartah and Coco work together for a goal (=making their friend a better mobility aid), and by doing so they brainstorm the why and then how which allows for complex notions to be carried out and explained to the reader. Cute story with touching implications that flows well. This quote in particular sums up so well what WHA is "about"

After this we transition rather brutally to the latest ongoing arc of the Silver Eve. This arc has been ongoing for years now, and three volumes, making it the longest so far, I'll come back to that, putting a star on it [*]. It delves further into aspects of accessibility the series had talked about before - access to magic, access to healthcare, and poverty. This is where this blog's namesake gets relevant. Custas is a kid who was already poor, who got badly wounded ending up disabled, and who because of that was stuck in a situation with no good endings: he can't make money in his state and needs money to get out of his state. On top of this gets added magic, and comes back the question at the center of WHA: Is it wrong to restrict the use of magic, and how?

After the arc is kickstarted by Custas getting his share of spilled beans of magical secrets revealed, enter immediatly strong players via ch.48's introduction of the Wise Ones and the king himself. The political aspect of how the world works was not mentioned before. Great chapter, interesting stuff all around, personally answered much of my questions. Immediatly after this chapter the focus in 49 fully switches to the Knights and their job, and the rest of the chapter is dedicated to a story of a sexual assault survivor and how she made it. It's a surprising topic to see pop up and it's handled with the respect it deserves. Chapter 50 goes back to Coco and her troubles. This concludes book 9 and...it makes for a Lot of stuff to deal with. Put a Second star on that. [**]

Addressing those stars before we move on:

[*] This arc is taking forever. WHA's arcs in earlier volumes only took a few chapters. This arc has taken three books thus far and I doubt we have reach its climax yet. I personally don't like it and it raises an issue the series did not have before: Will the payoff be worth it? Where it is worrying for the future of the series is that manga serialized regularly tend to up the stakes progressively until the end and it might...not work out.

[**] Too many things at once unresolved. This has already had consequences with the progressive vanishing of something WHA was once excellent at: sneakily introducing elements that get used a few arcs later in important ways. The manga has been, for a while now, accumulating unfinished plot threads via not answering the questions it opens and instead adding more and more characters. Jumping from a group of characters to another was not an issue beforehand because unlike this arc's, chapters took place at different times and/or in totally different places. The Silver Eve is both set in time AND place, making it hard to follow because all sideplot happen at once.

Book 10 continues to accumulate ongoing unresolved plots with: the royal family being shady, Agott's struggles irt. her mother, Dagda running around confused and tracked by the Knights, Custas and Ininia jumping Tartah and Coco, and Galga's accident + relationship.

Book 11 does the same adding Agott's crush on Coco, the actual festival, Jujy's inner troubles...Funnily enough, this page is a good summary of the ongoing mess.

Instead of solving all of this stuff we instead get stakes ramped up to 100 with the introduction of what I can only describe as a kaiju attack. As much as I love the horror and drama element, given what was already going on, this does NOT strike me as a good decision.

Now, we go back to the three latest chapters. These follow the same subplot: Custas' faction change and Coco's attempts to save him. This subplot has, to me, a whole lot of issues. Way earlier on in the story, even before Dagda's ambush, I had issues with how Custas was portrayed in relation to his anger, being drawn weirdly spooky for...a frustrated poor kid? Others have also pointed out it wasn't great to have one of your only dark skinned characters be a slum kid. Obviously given my handle on here, I am still a huge fan of the character. After chapter 45 (included), I already found it a bit tasteless to have so much horrors piled on him. WHA is a rather unsubtle series at time which I really, really dislike. Sure, makes it hard to miss the point, but when you're dealing with sensitive topics it can fall into touchy territory fast...

In the latest chapters, Coco appears to save Custas, the "how" part of her plan still being a mystery. Meanwhile, a timelooped and very confused Dagda looks for him, accompanied by Lulucy, who knows them both and is unaware of their ties with forbidden magic. She ends up telling him to abandon the faction he sided with by literally ripping off the brim of his hat with her magic. Meanwhile, Lulucy starts attacking him on sight. I have so, so so many issues with all of this.

Coco's story is about knowing the system in place sucks. Custas' story is about being screwed over by the same system. The story explicitly points those two out as mirrors: Custas is what would have happened to Coco without the right support. Coco's unique POV on the pointed hat witches shows us many prior times they are not the good guys. Hell, Custas himself talks about how the pointed hat's magical gatekeeping prevented him from living a better life.

To me, the point was supposed to be: the system in place doesn't work, which results in people in need not getting help. We loop back to the accessibility I started off mentioning. Yes, before the current system, bad things happened - but the current system is still allowing other bad things to happen now. So...why is Coco pushing Custas to join the pointed hats and abandon the faction he sided with? If a character who was upholding the status quo was doing so it would make sense (like Beldaruit) but Coco as a main character exists partially to point out why the pointed hats are not good. She demonstrates it to the reader via what happens to her AND knows it as a character. It comes off as inconsistent and frankly makes little sense.

Speaking of inconsistencies...why does Lulucy not recognize Custas, a child she's known for a while? Why does the young prince, introduced as a suspicious character on behalf of his family's unknown goals, become a helpful selfless little guy? Why are the Knights, originally introduced as an antagonistic faction because they are a milita enforcing the status quo, suddenly portrayed as fighting for good as a bunch of remarkable individuals?

Ah yes, the cops. I'm going to address something really fast about them. It makes me frankly uncomfortable the author chose their faction to evoke the two very sensitive topics of sexual assault and homophobia. I think the way those topics themselves were handled without greater context was surprisingly good, and it's touching in the first place to see an author who not only cares, but uses her series, destined partially for younger readers, to explain why she cares. However, Witch Hat is a very black and white series: the bad guys are bad and ugly and you should dislike them, the good guys are good and you should like them. There are some exceptions but who have been losing steam as of late. While originally introduced as a group of individuals who act in problematic ways for their day job, the Knights have slowly lost that bad guy flavor to become a fun band of colleagues/friends. They are law enforcers who enforce unjust laws, but it seems that the author's not on board with people hating them because this is the second time she gave a Knight a tragic backstory that makes them more sympathetic to the reader. First of: I do not see what's to redeem about them if the story's about changing an unjust system, so I don't get the necessity to make them nicer. Secondly: at least in my country (which has legal gay marriage and notably less sexist than Japan) law enforcement is renowned to not help sexual assault victims or gay people. The Knights Moralis are fantasy cops and cops, in real life, tend to abandon people who need their help regarding those two issues - if not worsen them, and count a majority of sexists/homophobes among their ranks. Making your unsubtly cop stand-in faction have both characters with those issues comes off as at least a poor decision if not bad taste.

(big words from the guys introduced in the story by arresting a bunch of children who were on a rescue mission for a misunderstanding they would not have cared about. Die idgaf)

Some more surface level things:

The art. The first books of WHA are noticeably more complex in their style featuring more reaslistic proportions for the characters. Latest arc has seen art lose some of the decorative "classic" flair in the linework and characters looking simpler and stylized to look way...Younger? In a way I do not like. Yes, it's expected for manga series to see their style evolve. I also want to make this clear: I consider the pace imposed on manga artists to be inhumane and if Shirahama had decided to draw her manga as stick figures to work less I'd be down for it.

The dialog. While WHA is very in your face (you may call it preachy) the dialog in the latest chapters especially Coco's feels off. A 12yo wouldn't give off speeches about the world in the heat of battle. When it's a calm scene between two characters discussing a deep thing, sure. When it's an epic public adult figure (see: Dean), sure. I'd prefer having the kids talk like kids.

Goddamn the story has become less nuanced and subtle over the time. Scenes like Qifrey getting confronted by Tartah post mindwiping his grandpa owned. The story's current "morally grey" moments just don't do it for me anymore. No, I don't want the witch politicians of the faction you established as a mistake beforehand to continue. I don't care if the fantasy cops are offended by a grieving husband pointing out they suck. I kinda wish he'd thrown hands actually

So...yeah, that's about it. While WHA's plot beats has always been impossible for me to predict, I don't know if I can trust where the story is going anymore. The fans eating it up confuse me and I might even get hate for posting this. Truth is, while some aspects have always been more or less present in the series since the start, I've felt like the really good bits that balanced it out have been going extinct. I don't know why and it's none of my business to. Some friends have pointed out we might be reaching a point where the author ran out of pre-written story and is now improvising. What's a bit concerning to me is I've also noticed she's way less active on social media, where she used to post regular bonus material for the series, this has stopped and I hope it's not because she lost her interest for the series or way worst, is overworked. Given the conditions for mangaka it wouldn't be impossible and like previously stated, I am of the opinion that no comic book series is worth putting their author's life, health and free time down. It's more important than me disliking the comic.

And regarding Custas - him joining the atelier to study with Qifrey would not be a good ending, no matter what the fandom says. It won't be cute found family. Custas has a family who's unique member wouldn't be able to follow him as a witch. That ending would separate a very traumatized child from the only adult he has in his life that gives him unconditional love and support. Custas needs to not be seen as a criminal so the rest of his life won't be over, and also a whole bunch of cash.

I'm not excited for the anime.

[greenerteacups]

GT,

I just need you to know that several phrases I've read in Lionheart have now made their way into my everyday vernacular. Some notable examples include:

"Moveable thing, this conversation" - Ron, while in the maze. Excellent for moving things along while other members of a party are in a dawdling mood

I've started referring to people as chaps, a la Daphne

"I am also recently aware... of the term " (insert any new word I come across) - Harry, upon meeting Gatz (hashtag #Gatznation)

"its ever so good to see you, et cetera" - Pansy, when speaking to her mother.

Anyways, as if I don't already clog up your inbox enough, here's even more proof that I just adore LH with all of my soul, and am very grateful that you're sharing what you're creating with us.

I love all of these, and I'm delighted that you've picked them up. I'm guilty myself of abuse of the term "et cetera" in a lot of situations where the actual content of the et cetera is not at all clear (what do you mean, people don't immediately intuit what I mean and grasp the implication of an unfinished sentence?)

#Gatznation forever.

[catilinas]

Hello! I’ve been looking through your terminal storytelling tag and the content consistently rocks, but what exactly does terminal storytelling mean?

hi! the phrasing of 'terminal storytelling' is borrowing (very extremely loosely) from rene girard's idea of sacrifice as 'terminal violence' ->

girard's theory of sacrifice has A Lot Going On but a key part is that the true act of 'sacrifice' is like. spontaneous violence, which is 'sacrificial' in that it ends an ongoing Cycle of violence. this could be though like. everyone involved being dead / violence so over the top that it puts an end to all future conflict. meanwhile the sacrificial ritual that might be what someone thinks of as 'sacrifice' is 'sacrificial' in that it is a substitution for this earlier act of violence, And in that it disguises the true nature of what sacrifice Is (terminal violence). or something.

but then if you get weirder and more into girard it's like. substitution and sacrifice are now the same thing. sexy takes on greek tragedy go here. is all representative Anything now sacrificial? probably not (although girard does have some insane and almost definitely wrong takes on the origin of language + undomesticatability of bears? idk). but i would say certain types of Narrative definitely Can be sacrificial In That they represent BadViolenceDon'tLikeThat in smaller / contained / controlled form e.g. ancient conspiracy narratives ->

(Victoria Emma Pagán, Conspiracy Narratives in Roman History)

like um. greek tragedy + sallust's bellum catilinae + every episode of scooby doo (ESPECIALLY every episode of scooby doo. girl help my monstrous double is being demystified) are all doing the exact same thing. to me.

anyWAY ok now ignore girard entirely. in a poem i have not read in full in plainwater anne carson writes 'who are they the storytellers who can put an end to stories' and it's like. what does it take for a story to tell itself once and then never Need to be told again. what does it take for a story to tell the definitive version of itself in a way that discourages any and all retellings / repetitions / sequels / whatever. if telling a story is like hashtag we are trapped in meanings that circulate like blood, what telling would act as Terminal Violence and just Stop forever?

or is that even possible! e.g. sorry i am always thinking about lucan but cicero (+ hirtius!) said that caesar's commentaries (incl. on the civil war) were written in a way that Deterred future authors from the same subject. caesar's bellum civile as Terminal Storytelling in that it positions itself as The Ultimate Account Of The Civil War (Don't Look Too Closely Btw) like ok maybeeee there was a civil war but caesar is In Control And He Fixed It so don't question his narrative ok. and to an extent it actually WORKED oh my god i hate the afterlife of caesar's commentaries almost as much as lucan, who dug up the corpse of the civil war and stuck it in a timeloop forever. unterminals your storytelling

there is some overlap in my tag w my tag for fate + being stuck inside tragic/narrative repetitions + stories left forever unfinished etc because imo you Do get stories that repeat forever More often than like. stories that self destruct at the end. and they also go together! you can try and figure out what makes storytelling terminal From stories / storytellers that are unable to stop.

but also hrgh stories that self destruct. antigone singing her own funeral lament. every single day i think about my friend ada's game meatspace ephemera (2021) that's made to be played once And Then It Self Destructs (Or Does It). literally perfect execution (haha) of the concept

[sighonaraa]

🐜 🐛🐞

🐜 Recommend a fic that makes you laugh! A crack fic, or something that's just really funny!

The Art of Seduction (1365 words) by jumpfall Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Ted Lasso (TV) Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: AFC Richmond Players & Ted Lasso Characters: AFC Richmond Players (Ted Lasso), Ted Lasso Additional Tags: crackfic, Found Family Summary: "Is Coach cheating on us with another football team?" Sam asks. "Worse," Roy says. "An American football team."

i ADORE this fic. truly. it inspired my richmond himbos series with its lovely lovely characterization and absolute top-notch humor.

🐛 Recommend a great WIP / unfinished chapter fic everyone should leave a comment on!

morning when i close my eyes (34013 words) by circumpolaris Chapters: 6/? Fandom: Ted Lasso (TV) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Roy Kent & Jamie Tartt, Keeley Jones/Roy Kent, Dani Rojas & Jamie Tartt Characters: Ted Lasso, Roy Kent, Jamie Tartt, Colin Hughes, Isaac McAdoo, Coach Beard (Ted Lasso), Dani Rojas (Ted Lasso) Additional Tags: Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Alternate Universe - Superheroes/Superpowers, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Season/Series 03, Alternate Universe - Magical Realism, Sickfic, Angst, featuring roy's canonically self-destructive tendencies and also Bad Ideas, Canonical Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Suicide Summary: As it turns out, no trip to the sewers ever comes without consequences. (During S3, the team develops superpowers. It's exactly as messy as you'd expect.)

I LOVE THIS FIC AND AM EAGERLY ANTICIPATING THE NEXT UPDATE. the author's characterization for everyone is on-point, though their Roy Voice has a special place in my heart. also the way they write jamie and roy's dynamic is precious and so so lovely.

🐞 Recommend a favorite fic or several from one of your friends, or a fic author you really look up to!

it won't be that way forever (3318 words) by themightyduck Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Ted Lasso (TV) Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Ted Lasso & Jamie Tartt, Roy Kent & Jamie Tartt, Keeley Jones & Jamie Tartt Characters: Jamie Tartt, Ted Lasso, Roy Kent, Keeley Jones, Jamie Tartt's Mother, James Tartt Sr. Additional Tags: jamie writes a letter, hashtag believe, this does not have adult content idk why it's being tagged as such Summary: Hey Jamie. I’m you. Twelve years in the future. I’m here - well, you probably won’t believe this, but I’m here because Roy Kent said I should write this. But mostly I’m here to tell you it’s going to be alright. 

wahhhhh. this fic makes me happy cry every. single. time. @mighty-duck is one of my absolute favorite ted lasso writers; their writing is lovely and sweet and evocative and. gah. go and read every one of their fics they are all impeccable.

thank you for the asks!! <3 <3

[hiro-gari]

WEREWOLF-VAMPIRE AU BATAROU FANWORKS MASTERLIST by: Little1993lamb

Werewolf-Vampire AU Batarou was an AU that I created in 2020, because I've noticed when searching for Batarou fanworks, we still haven't had Garou and Badd depicted as Werewolf and Vampire couple in OPM fandom at that time. Whereas other fandom probably had that kind of AU already.

Especially the fact that Garou always associated with "wolf" imagery, and Badd has "bat" imagery, both for the thing (metal bat) or the animal (bat). Eventhough we have already seen Batarou hashtags using wolf&bat emojis together, there was still no fanworks about that AU. That's why I kickstarted the whole shenanigans!

My initial thought about the AU that started the idea can be read on here: kaincuro.tumblr.com/post/613519666400428032/

The story was about a rogue Alpha Werewolf Garou fell in love with a fighter Vampire Badd. Eventually they became lifelong mates despite their status as mortal enemies, and together they formed a new werewolf pack: a family. Although, of course there was some people who didn't like their forbidden relationship and wanted to tear them apart. Thus both Garou and Badd were struggling to safe their family.

I've decided to make compilation for all the fanworks regarding the WereVamp AU in this masterlist, so everyone can take a look of it!

--------------------------

- Main Story -

The Origin of Werewolf-Vampire AU is here: •https://kaincuro.tumblr.com/post/613597920369999872/

This is the direct sequel (Iisted as Sequel I): •https://kaincuro.tumblr.com/post/615478155965235200/

And some extra miscellaneous headcanons: •https://kaincuro.tumblr.com/post/615633847523082240/p-werewolf-vampire-au-setting •https://kaincuro.tumblr.com/post/616687154603737088/werewolf-vampire-au-hc

From the short Sequel I, it continued into the main story with longer writings. You can find all the main story writings which were become full-fledged fanfic series, complete from Sequel II to Sequel IX (the ending), in here: •Sequel II : https://the-goddessfighter.tumblr.com/post/617517008021520384/ •Sequel III : https://the-goddessfighter.tumblr.com/post/617649736614313984/ •Sequel IV : https://the-goddessfighter.tumblr.com/post/617847276497469440/ •Sequel V : https://the-goddessfighter.tumblr.com/post/617943987127451648/ •Sequel VI : https://the-goddessfighter.tumblr.com/post/618252888543821824/ •Sequel VII : https://the-goddessfighter.tumblr.com/post/618426027787567104/ •Sequel VIII : https://the-goddessfighter.tumblr.com/post/618614382852767744/ •Sequel IX : https://the-goddessfighter.tumblr.com/post/618887116310642688/

I wrote the whole Werewolf-Vampire AU Batarou fanfic series as a submission present for @the-goddessfighter after she requested me, in which I'm gladly accepted 😚👍💝 And the story also included her Batarou's love child OC Gaman! He's a very adorable and lovely character, I only borrowed him for the story purpose with her permission 😆

------------------------------

- Fanarts -

By the way, I'm so happy that I also received concept art illustrations for the AU from many amazing artists! Thank you guys, you're awesome I'm forever grateful for you all 😭💕 Please check them out in the links below, they're absolutely deserved all the appreciation! 👏👑💐

🌸From @the-goddessfighter: •https://the-goddessfighter.tumblr.com/post/615593923960782848/i-wanted-to-contribute-a-little-more-for-the-au •https://the-goddessfighter.tumblr.com/post/616156992348766208/if-gaman-was-also-included-in-werewolf-vampire-au •https://the-goddessfighter.tumblr.com/post/617890565100552192/based-on-some-scenes-from-the-au-werevamp •https://the-goddessfighter.tumblr.com/post/618465492397637632/two-scenes-from-sequel-vi-the-awakening-of-hybrid

🌸From @guppys-paw: •guppys-paw.tumblr.com/post/613900581897109504/did-you-all-already-know-werewolves-and-vampires •https://guppys-paw.tumblr.com/post/615782066826739712/this-au-is-just-perfect-n-ill-definitely-do •https://guppys-paw.tumblr.com/post/618045704688058369/finally-i-can-post-this-these-koeharu

🌸From @guby1620: •https://guby1620.tumblr.com/post/630038589277880320/batarouwerevamp-au-their-origins •https://guby1620.tumblr.com/post/630222192886562816/after-got-saved-by-bang-bang-took-garou-into-his •https://guby1620.tumblr.com/post/617386201616400384/koeharu •https://guby1620.tumblr.com/post/616478461001859072/everytime-garou-turns-back-to-his-human-form

--------------------------

- Spin Off -

This spin-off was actually a side project when I was in the middle of writing the main story, but currently unfinished because I haven't get motivated enough to continue it 😔

The story was kinda "AU of the AU" or "AU divergence", like it has a different path from the main story. You can read it separately, but I recommend you to read the main story first to understand some backbone elements of the whole AU in this spin-off! 😉👍✨

This is the spin-off fic (unfinished) : •https://guby1620.tumblr.com/post/633696970705354752/new-werewolf-vampire-au-chapter-1-by

And these are the concept of it: •https://kaincuro.tumblr.com/post/618655923954696192/what-do-you-think-about-kid-werewolfgarou •https://kaincuro.tumblr.com/post/619833565457317888/new-werewolf-vampire-au-part-1-bc-i-still (I think I spoiled the entire spin-off plot in this link, lmao!)

---------------------------

That's all about the WereVamp AU Batarou that I can offer so far, I hope you enjoyed them! 😆💕

I know my fics are so far from perfection and probably not quite interesting enough to read, since I don't have any decent writing skill and not really talented at being a writer at all. But I still want to share my ideas to you all because I really like them, and also wanna participate on doing something useful to the fandom.

So thank you so much for everyone who supporting and encouraging me until now! I'm so grateful for being in this lovely fandom 😭🙏💕💞💖

-Little1993lamb-

------------------------------

~Lilia:

hi (〃ω〃) sorry this took me so long, I wanted to read through it all

I’M STILL RECOVERING FROM THE AWE

This had me going through a rollercoaster of emotions 😩 Thank you for making this masterlist, I appreciate the effort sm 💗 You got the whole fandom so hype lowkey sad I missed it originally and it grew from one ask into an EPIC MASTERPIECE ✨

[llamome]

MAYBE WE'VE LOST TODAY BUT THIS DOESN'T MEAN WE WILL LOSE FOREVER. TIPS OF THINGS YOU CAN DO TO GET ANNE WITH AN E RENEWED TO A FOURTH SEASON:

1) STREAM THE SHOW ON NETFLIX AND CBC, JUST LET IT PLAY WHILE YOU'RE DOING YOUR STUFF

2) HELP US TO TREND THE HASHTAG #RENEWANNEWITHANE ON TWITTER

3) FOLLOW EVERY AWAE ACCOUNT ON SOCIAL MEDIA

4) COMMENT EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEIR POSTS TALKING ABOUT WHY THIS SHOW DESERVES A 4TH SEASON

5) STREAM THE TRAILERS ON YOUTUBE

6) STREAM VIDEOS OF THE SHOW ON TWITTER

7) SIGN PETITIONS

8) SEND EMAILS TO NETFLIX AND CBC TALKING ABOUT THE SHOW

GUYS, they didn't know the show was going to be canceled when they were shooting for season 3, since ka'kwet storyline is unfinished. so, this is a recent decision, there's hope!! let's also remember that we're talking about multimillionaires (billionaires?? i don't know) companies, they won't give us something because they're good entities wanting to help us, so we need to make NUMBERSSSS.

[brownskinsugarplum76]

Eye of the Storm, Ch 7

I want to start by saying that I'm excited and thankful to have almost completed 10 chapters of this story! 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽 I really wasn't sure if I had it in me to do a longer story and keep coming up with ideas. It's been a fun process to imagine and write the scenes and chapters. I have more ideas, but I'm curious to see where this goes as I write. Thank you for putting up with my fits and starts.

So... The smut is going down next chapter, but there are a couple of instances of making out in this chapter... I hope you enjoy it! ❤️❤️❤️

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Despite Maggie's head start, Robert was victorious in making it to the house first, thanks to his long legs and the experience that soccer gave him with sprinting. 

"Way to go, Broadway Joe!" Maggie caressed Robert's back when she reached him. 

"Bloody Joe Namath? Really? I've rubbed elbows with him from time to time in New York… I think you'll find Englishmen are more sophisticated and entertaining…" he snarked. 

"Calm down, baby, there's only one confirmed bachelor I have my eyes on." She stood on her tiptoes to kiss Robert's cheek. 

"Mmmmm…" He smiled at the feel of Maggie's lips on his clean-shaven skin. "But I'm starting to think the single life can be overrated, love…" He kissed her on her forehead. 

Maggie was surprised to hear Robert muse about settling down. "You? Trading all this in for a house with a white picket fence?" 

"I'll never return to suburbia. I had my fill of it with my childhood… No, what I'm thinking of is more like a farm… A horse, a goat or two, chickens… Bonzo's living the gentleman farmer dream right now, with his family, and I'd love to have that one day… The farm and the family…"

"OK… I can't picture you doing either the suburbs or a farm. But now I'd love to see you try!" 

"Stranger things have happened, dear…" He put an arm around Maggie's shoulders. "And who knows, you might be the one to see it all play out."

Maggie was too surprised by everything Robert was saying to respond. Her smile said it all, while she pondered going through life as Mrs. Plant. 

"I hope that wasn't too taxing, though? The running?" She needed to change the subject quickly, before she started naming children and picking out china patterns in her head. She knew that Robert's attention span and resolve could be as unpredictable as the timing of California's earthquakes. 

She searched his eyes and took in his facial expression, afraid to find traces of pain. "I wasn't thinking. I shouldn't have made you--"

"--I'm fine, Mags. In fact, I think that was just what the doctor ordered. Everyone has been babying me after the accident, myself included. But maybe that hasn't been the best idea… I've got to start getting back to life, you know? You just forced me to do it in a small way. And eye thank yew," he drawled. 

"One small run for Robert…" Maggie intoned. 

"...One giant step forward for ye olde Golden God!" Robert lifted Maggie in an embrace and swung her around as they kissed. "Thank you."

Maggie smiled shyly. 

"Oi, Strider!" Robert whistled loudly for his dog, who had started racing toward a seagull again. His pup bounded swiftly over the sand to return to his master's side. 

"Let's go in, Maggie love. I believe there's an unfinished matter to attend to?" 

"I think so. But maybe we should get some dinner first, and make sure we have enough energy."

"I like the way you think, woman. It is going to be a long night, innit?" 

"If I have my way…"

"And mine, too…" Robert backed Maggie up against the glass patio doors, pressing his body into hers. He teased his tongue between her lips and communicated all of his feelings--past, present, and future--to her with his steamy actions. Her sighs and her tight embrace acknowledged that she understood and agreed.

***

"You must really love fajitas," said Maggie, carrying both of their plates to the table at the same time. She'd never touched a microwave before, but with Robert's direction, she became a master of using it to heat the food. Robert's quick tour of the drawers and cabinets enabled her to find everything they needed to set the table. She smiled to herself at how easy it felt to blend their lives together. 

"Bloody hell, just like the first night! I forgot we still had some left until you found them." Robert couldn't help but smile when he thought of the meal she had served him back in San Diego. "I'm sorry that I don't have any tequila, though…"

"No worries, I think this wine will do nicely." She took one of the three bottles of California cabernet sauvignon out of its ice water bath and handed it to Robert. 

"I suppose we can have a tequila-soaked moment on the beach whenever we want now, yeah?" He picked up the corkscrew from the table and opened the bottle. 

"Mmmmm hmm…" Maggie nodded her head. 

"We'll have to take advantage of that soon." Robert poured the glasses and handed one to Maggie. 

"This is wonderful," Maggie gushed. She sipped the wine as Robert loaded a tortilla with steak strips and grilled vegetables.

"I'm friends with the owner of the winery. I'll have to take you there sometime."

"Is there anyone that you don't know?"

"Well, I never got to meet any of your presidents, or their kids, even though several of the presidential youth have dug our music." He bit into the fajita.

Maggie laughed. "Well, at least we know your influence didn't bring down the Nixon administration." She added some more grilled vegetables to her tortilla and took a bite.

"No, there's only two hotels at which we've caused newsworthy levels of scandal, and neither's in your nation's capital… Well, maybe three, if you're fool enough to believe Carmine Appice's fishwife's tale…"

Maggie sipped the wine while Robert paused to polish off his first fajita. 

"Your country, and your state, in particular, have been wonderful to me. And not just because of the concerts and, uh, the night life. It just feels like home, you know? Tons of sunshine, easy access to the beach, the woods, the desert, the mountains… Very little rain… I've met so many wonderful people here, made so many pleasant memories… The Los Angeles area has been our home base for the tours, but I could see myself making permanent roots here. And I would love to come home to you, most of all…" He held Maggie's gaze while he readied a second tortilla and then sipped some wine. 

"You know you don't have to say all these things to get me to sleep with you, Robert."

"I know! I mean every word. I'm almost 30, for Christ's sake. Freedom is nice, but living freely with someone dear…" He drained his glass and set to work on his food again. 

"I just need something more. Maggie, do you know how close I came to losing it all? Some of the doctors thought I'd never walk normally again. And it will happen someday, our band will become a thing of the past. The press never fully loved us, and now the winds are shifting a bit with the fans…"

"What do you mean?" Maggie finished her food while Robert gathered his words. 

"I've seen the teen magazines. Somehow they kept showing up here, when I didn't have anything better to do. It seems some of the younger kids are getting tired of the light shows and 30-minute improvisations. They'd rather see their stars in black and white face paint and vinyl or, I don't know, torn shirts and safety pins, rather than me in my ladies' kimonos, or Jagger in some blue eye shadow, or Townsend destroying another guitar that they can only dream to afford…"

He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "This isn't going to go on forever… I need to start thinking about a second act for myself. And that goes for my personal life as much as my professional one."

Maggie poured herself some more wine. "You know what I think, Robert?" She took a healthy sip from the glass.

“What’s that?”

She finished the glass. “I think you'll find that you have nothing to worry about. There's only one Led Zeppelin. No one else can do what you all can do. I think you've sealed your place in the history books many times over. And whenever it might end--and I don't think it'll be soon--I'm sure you'll get back on your feet quickly. I know you. You can't stop singing. It's too much a part of you."

Robert smiled softly.

"And I also think you have all the time in the world to think about the future of the band and your personal future. Nothing is going to be solved in one night… I think that maybe I need to help you forget about all that for now.” She grabbed his plate and finished the last bite of his third tortilla. Then, she took their plates and cutlery to the sink.

Robert, realizing the bottle of wine was almost empty, grabbed it and finished it in one swallow. He uncorked the next one.

“I'd like that a lot, Maggie dear. It will be much more fun to focus on the different ways I can make you come one time after another…" He chuckled devilishly. "Let's pick up where we left off.”

He stood and grabbed the fresh bottle, wrapping his fist around the neck, and turned toward the bedroom. But he relinquished control of the wine when Maggie caressed his hand and took the bottle, placing it back on the table.

“I’m going to need both of your hands right now.” She traced his jawline with one hand.

"I'm all yours… Every. Last. Inch…" He bent down, fisted her hair with one hand and pulled her closer by the waist with the other. All of the energy of his fear quickly transmuted to lust with a savage kiss. 

As Robert peeled off her shirt, fondled her breasts, and dove in for another hungry kiss, Maggie knew that he was back with her in the present and ready to fill each second of the next several hours with rapture rather than dread.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The rest of my stories are here, or search for the hashtag #brownskinsugarplumlibrary

[intellectualshield]

CRIMINAL MINDS WATCHLIST.

SEASON ONE :

Extreme Aggressor.

Compulsion. 

Won’t Get Fooled Again.

Plain Sight. 

Broken Mirror. 

L.D.S.K.

The Fox

Natural Born Killer.

Derailed.

The Popular Kids. 

Blood Hungry. 

What Fresh Hell. 

Poison. 

Riding the Lightning. 

Unfinished Business. 

The Tribe. 

A Real Rain.

Somebody’s Watching.

Machismo.

Charm and Harm. 

Secrets and Lies. 

The Fisher King, Part 1.

SEASON TWO : 

The Fisher King, Part 2.

P911.

The Perfect Storm. 

Psychodrama. 

Aftermath. 

The Boogeyman. 

North Mammon. 

Empty Planet. 

The Last Word.

Lessons Learned. 

Sex, Birth, Death.

Profiler, Profiled. 

No Way Out. 

The Big Game. 

Revelations. 

Fear and Loathing. 

Distress. 

Jones. 

Ashes and Dust. 

Honor Among Thieves. 

Open Season. 

Legacy. 

No Way Out, Part II: The Evilution of Frank. 

SEASON THREE : 

Doubt. 

In Name and Blood. 

Scared to Death. 

Children of the Dark. 

Seven Seconds. 

About Face.

Identity. 

Lucky.

Penelope.

True Night.

Birthright. 

3rd Life.

Limelight.

Damaged.

A Higher Power.

Elephant’s Memory. 

In Heat. 

The Crossing. 

Tabula Rasa.

Lo-Fi.

SEASON FOUR :

Mayhem.

The Angel Maker. 

Minimal Loss. 

Paradise. 

Catching Out.

The Instincts. 

Memoriam. 

Masterpiece. 

52 Pickup.

Brothers in Arms. 

Normal. 

Soul Mates. 

Bloodline. 

Cold Comfort. 

Zoe’s Reprise. 

Pleasure is My Business. 

Demonology. 

Omnivore. 

House on Fire. 

Conflicted. 

A Shade of Gray. 

The Big Wheel. 

Roadkill. 

Amplification. 

To Hell...

...And Back.

SEASON FIVE : 

Nameless, Faceless.

Haunted. 

Reckoner. 

Hopeless. 

Cradle to Grave. 

The Eyes Have It. 

The Performer. 

Outfoxed. 

100. 

The Slave of Duty. 

Retaliation. 

The Uncanny Valley.

Risky Business. 

Parasite.

Public Enemy. 

Mosley Lane.

Solitary Man. 

The Fight. 

A Rite of Passage. 

...A Thousand Words. 

Exit Wounds.

The Internet is Forever. 

Our Darkest Hour. 

SEASON SIX : 

The Longest Night.

JJ. 

Remembrance of Things Past.

Compromising Positions.

Safe Haven. 

Devil’s Night. 

Middle Man. 

Reflection of Desire.

Into the Woods. 

What Happens at Home.

25 to Life. 

Corazon.

The Thirteenth Step.

Sense Memory.

Today I Do.

Coda.

Valhalla.

Lauren.

With Friends Like These...

Hanley Waters. 

The Stranger.

Out of the Light. 

Big Sea.

Supply & Demand.

SEASON SEVEN : 

It Takes a Village.

Proof.

Dorado Falls. 

Painless.

From Childhood’s Hour.

Epilogue.

There’s No Place Like Home.

Hope.

Self-Fulfilling Prophecy.

The Bittersweet Sauce.

True Genius.

Unknown Subject. 

Snake Eyes.

Closing Time.

A Thin Line.

A Family Affair.

I Love You, Tommy Brown.

Foundation.

Heathridge Manor.

The Company.

Divining Rod.

Profiling 101. 

Hit.

Run.

SEASON EIGHT :

The Silencer.

The Pact.

Through the Looking Glass.

God Complex.

The Good Earth.

The Apprenticeship.

The Fallen.

The Wheels on the Bus...

Magnificent Light.

The Lesson.

Perennials.

Zugzwang.

Magnum Opus.

All That Remains.

Broken.

Carbon Copy.

The Gathering.

Restoration.

Pay It Forward.

Alchemy.

Nanny Dearest.

#6.

Brothers Hotchner.

The Replicator.

SEASON NINE :

The Inspiration.

The Inspired.

Final Shot.

To Bear Witness.

Route 66.

In the Blood.

Gatekeeper.

The Return.

Strange Fruit.

The Caller.

Bully.

The Black Queen.

The Road Home.

200.

Mr. & Mrs. Anderson.

Gabby.

Persuasion.

Rabid.

The Edge of Winter.

Blood Relations. 

What Happens in Mecklinburg...

Fatal.

Angels.

Demons.

SEASON TEN : 

X.

Burn.

A Thousand Suns.

The Itch.

Boxed In.

If the Show Fits.

Hashtag.

The Boys of Sudworth Place. 

Fate.

Amelia Porter.

The Forever People.

Anonymous.

Nelson’s Sparrow.

Hero Worship.

Scream.

Lockdown.

Breath Play.

Rock Creek Park.

Beyond Borders.

A Place at the Table.

Mr. Scratch.

Protection.

The Hunt.

SEASON ELEVEN :

The Job.

The Witness.

Til Death Do Us Part.

Outlaw.

The Night Watch.

Pariahville.

Target Rich.

Awake.

Internal Affairs.

Future Perfect.

Entropy.

Drive.

The Bond.

Hostage.

A Badge and a Gun. 

Derek.

The Sandman.

A Beautiful Disaster.

Tribute.

Inner Beauty.

Devil’s Backbone.

The Storm.

SEASON TWELVE :

The Crimson King.

Sick Day.

Taboo.

Keeper.

The Anti-Terror Squad.

Elliott’s Pond.

Mirror Image.

Scarecrow.

Profiling 202.

Seek and Destroy.

Surface Tension.

A Good Husband.

Spencer.

Collision Course.

Alpha Male.

Assistance is Futile.

In the Dark.

Hell’s Kitchen.

True North.

Unforgettable. 

Green Light.

Red Light.

SEASON THIRTEEN :

Wheels Up.

To A Better Place.

Blue Angel.

Killer App.

Lucky Strikes.

The Bunker.

Dust and Bones.

Neon Terror.

False Flag.

Submerged.

Full-Tilt Boogie.

Bad Moon on the Rise.

Cure.

Miasma.

Annihilator. 

Last Gasp.

The Capilanos.

The Dance of Love.

Ex Parte.

All You Can Eat.

Mixed Signals. 

Believer.

SEASON FOURTEEN :

300.

Starter Home.

Rule 34.

Innocence.

The Tall Man.

Luke.

Twenty Seven.

Ashley.

Broken Wing.

Flesh and Blood.

Night Lights.

Hamelin.

Chameleon.

Sick and Evil.

Truth or Dare.

[caroline18mars]

A Man On Fire - Chapter 49

“VAL!! get OUT of my bed right now” he jumped up from the bed and switched on the light, how the hell did she get naked so fast? “how did you even get in here?” he shouted at the top of his lungs. ”Come on Jay, don't be so naïve! You can try and hide things for her, but you can't hide from me, I know you want this as much as I do, you and I have unfinished business mister!” she sat up on her knees on the edge of the bed and started untying the knot of his pajama bottoms, licking her lips. He swatted at her hands “stop it! I don't want this, when will you get that through that thick skull of yours? I'll ask you one last time, how did you get into my room?” he was absolutely livid. “You and I have been doing this a long time , remember? I know how to get into your hotelroom, I know all the cover-up names you use, I know YOU, Jared..like nobody else does” her arms wrapped around his neck. How many more times did he have to push her away, was she waiting until temptation would get unbearable and he just had to give in? Was there some #hetoo hashtag that he could use? “nonono Val, how many more times do I have to tell you? We're NOT an item anymore” he grabbed her wrists and untangled them from around his neck. “Oh come on, Jared, just one night, I need it and so do you..if my memory serves me right, you're not the man to live like a monk, you're addicted to sex” she licked her lips as he sternly held her hands behind her back “one night of harmless fun?”. Feeling her push her chest against his, had him step back “one night? You kiddin' me? That's just one night too many..what do you think is gonna come from all that? I'll tell you: a whole lot of trouble and for what? Just a quick shag?” he breathed “and I don't even want to! There's too much at stake now, I refuse to lose her over something as trivial as you being horny; so will you just keep those damn hormones of yours in check?”. There was a knock before the door opened and Shannon and Stevie walked in only to stop in their tracks when they saw the position Jared and Val were in “We heard voices so we decided to stop by with this” Shannon held up a bottle “but I can see you're really busy, so..” he grabbed Stevie's arm who stood there watching them dumbfounded “we'll be leaving, we'll be seeing you in the morning, keep it safe kids” he had to suppress his laughter as they turned around and left again.

”Argghh” she sat up straight in bed with a loud scream, her heart thumping in her chest as she tried to regain consciousness and figure out where she was, ok her loft, she was here in the safety of her own loft, but her stomach was cramping up like she was gonna be sick, something was wrong, she felt it. instinctively she grabbed her phone but when she wanted to press the call button, she hesitated. Wait, he's probably still sleeping, come on, breathe, no need to worry him with a stupid nightmare, you're not a baby, she calmed herself down and opened the mail app, she didn't have to think long about what she wanted to say, her fingers whizzed over the keys.

From: HCDeRobiano

To: BJLCubbins

Subject: Definition of a nightmare

nightmare

noun

noun: nightmare; plural noun: nightmares

a frightening or unpleasant dream.

"I had nightmares after watching the horror movie"

and I definitely didn't watch any horror movies (I hate those, they're a waste of time), but I did have a nightmare, I'm still shaking..Remember that I said Iwould dream about you? Well I did, but not in a good way, I dreamt about you being locked in a very hot sandwich with a few of your former girlfriends (mind you, I've never met or seen any of them, but in this dream they were all your typical size 0 skeleton models that I'm sure you dated by the truckload). The weird part was that I just stood there watching you (and I really don't have a voyeuristic bone in my body) and all those girls kept yelling and shouting at me that I was way out of your league and all you did was laugh and ridicule me. So I guess you could say it was pretty horrible!

The thing that's keeping me sane is knowing that you would never do that to me in real life, because you're the sweetest, most considerate boyfriend I've ever had, and I'm lucky to have you, right? RIGHT!

OK, now that it's out of my system, and I'm a lot calmer already, all I need to know is how you are, did you survive party night after all?

Anyway, hope you're dreaming better dreams about me, I'm about to go and run all this stress out of my system.

Bye man of my dreams (except for the nightmares)

Harper

The familiar and beloved beep roused him from his coma, hmmm, instinctively his hand ventured to his crotch to give himself a good squeeze, he was extra hard already thinking about his lover. A nightmare? What? Ex girlfriends? A hand that landed on his side startled him, whatwhatwhat? Why was she still here? Think, Leto, what the hell happened last night for her to be in bed with you?. “The fuck you're doing in my bed?” he quickly turned to face her, a storm brewing in his eyes, “what do you mean? You know I'm not the girl to leave after an orgasm, and definitely not after a couple of orgasms” she purred as her finger seductively trailed down his chest. Huh? “oh will you just stop, we did NOT have sex, Val” he spat back, but doubt already crept in, wait, god no, you weren't that drunk that you don't even remember what you were doing, “you're hurting my feelings here, Jared, it was great, you resisted for a while but I always know how to break down your wall with your own sledgehammer” she giggled and kissed his collarbone. NO way, they didn't, he did not, come on just try to remember, “look, I don't know why you're doing this, but there was nothing going on between us, alright? And that's exactly how I want to keep it! So, the only thing you're gonna do is get the fuck out of my room and you're not gonna stir up some shitstorm about nothing at all, is that understood?” groaning he got up from the bed, god he was naked..wait..how the hell..?, he didn't remember getting in bed naked. “I'm gonna get in that shower and you're gone when I get back” he stomped over to the bathroom and locked it behind him, seconds later she heard the water run, you're still the same old silly dumbass, Jared, leaving your phone all unattended, let's see what your so-called girlfriend's number is. “Had a wonderful night with your man, still as hot and roaring to go as ever, he's a fuckin' stick of dynamite” she stopped painting to check her phone thinking it was him..what? “I'm sorry but I think you've got the wrong number” she texted back, there was no name, not hers and not from the other person mentioned in the text and an unknown number. Ok, focus, green is a ridiculous colour, it's so frikkin stripy, there should be special courses to teach people how to paint with green, 'beep-beep' what now? Can't a girl just paint in peace? Still that same number, I don't know you and I don't want to know you! Still she picked up her phone and read the new text. “Oh, I'm pretty sure I've got the right number, Harper Coco, right? Jay's girlfriend? Jay who can't keep his dick in his pants when I'm around! Thanks Harper for lending him to me, it was an amazing night”.

From: BJLCubbins

To: HCDeRobiano

Subject: Re: Definition of a nightmare

Gorgeous woman of my dreams,

You're anything but a nightmare, so please don't ever stop strutting (that sexy strut of yours) around my dreams because they are the best dreams I've ever had. I know I'm repeating myself, and I know you're probably sitting there right now facepalming so hard, but I need you with me..so bad..so when are you coming over? If you don't soon, I swear I'm flying back to New York, fuck this tour, you're more important than this tour or anything on it.

Ok, I'll try to collect my thoughts before this missing you and longing spirals out of control, tour is going well so far, had a good couple of shows, the crowd is so 'in it', they know every word to the new songs already, the internet is a curious thing isn't it? When I was young (and I don't want to hear the 'old' word, I don't even want to hear you think it, ok?) we had to make the effort to go out there (mostly bother our mother to drive us to the record store, the other option was to get on your bicycle) get home, get a new needle on our recordplayer and then learn the lyrics by heart..ok fuck it, I AM old :-)

Oh who am I kidding? I can't collect my thoughts, I can't talk or think about anything or anyone else but you.

Maybe I should get on that plane after all? To keep you safe from all those stupid nightmares, there's absolutely no need for you to have them, I promise!

Love you to the moon and back!

Your Jay, forever and ever and ever! (we should be in that book you used to read about those famous men and their loveletters)

Harper's heart was beating out of control when she read his mail, what the hell was going on there? First those texts and now this e-mail from him, sent almost simultaneously, a little too convenient..enough to raise suspicion, wait, hang on, try and think rational about this..don't give in to that Italian temperament, you knew from the start that there's always a lot of girls hanging around him..don't give into temptation of locking yourself up and shutting him out again, don't let yourself go through that heartache again, on the other hand maybe this is all a set-up of some scorned ex or wannabe lover..hmm, you know what? Go and ask him yourself, you know exactly when he's lying don't you?

From: HCDeRobiano

To: BJLCubbins

Subject: Truth or Dare

Dear Mr. Leto,

It seems I'm getting mixed messages, can you tell all those little trollups you're fucking over there to give it a rest? That would be ever so kind of you and much appreciated by myself, because I don't know if my heart can take this nonsense all over again. You really didn't have to follow up on my nightmare and turn it into reality!

Harper Coco De Robiano

her fingers whizzed over the keyboard, all her good intentions of not shutting him out went out the door when the first tear fell, should she send this? Oops, too late! just go and see him..checking her bankaccount she sighed, paying off a few debts certainly hadn't done her finances much good, oh fuck it, just book yourself a planeticket and go see for yourself what really is going on there, do I want to know the truth? Or better Jay's version of the truth, at times like these she hated being on different continents..it would give him time enough to get rid of the evidence if that text was true..and he was a good actor, an Oscar-winning actor even, this was a fight she just couldn't win.

[artificialqueens]

Notebooks and post-it’s - chapter 2 - (Branjie) - thankyoumissvanjie

A/N: come the angst filled rabbit hole with me.

“Oh. It’s you. What do you want?” Vanjie wanted to shiver with the iciness of her tone, as Brooke just kept on blending her purple smokey eyes.

“We got’s to talk.”

LINK TO AO3 HERE

The season 11 tour was an experience.

It was hard work, an insane amount of travelling and also a bit like being on summer camp.

There was no other way for Nina explain it. Being together with her season 11 sisters was amazing. The absence of cameras made them all relax more, which made the drama disappear.

It made it possible for her to really appreciate all her sisters.

She was in awe over Yvie’s drag, she loved A’keria and her tendency to stir the pot. Plastique, Soju and Ariel made her feel old while teaching her everything about filters and hashtags. Shuga was a delight and Silky was loud and fun. Vanjie was… different?

Nina couldn’t really put her finger on it. Vanjie was still loud and hilarious. But something seemed very off.

It was, however, difficult to investigate, as both Silky and A’keria had kind of closed ranks around Vanjie.

They probably thought that Vanjie needed protection from Brooke, even though the Canadian queen was isolating herself from everyone, even Nina.

The last time Brock had reached out to her was weeks ago, as he called her in the middle of the night, sobbing and completely out of it. From what Nina could gather, Brock had drunk dialled Vanjie, only to realise that she was with… someone.

Nina tried to console him, to tell him that maybe he needed to reach out to Vanjie after he had sobered up.

But she knew that he hadn’t done it. In fact, the day after all she got was a text that said

Sorry. Got a bit too drunk last night and was an idiot. Please don’t make a thing out of this.

So Nina didn’t.

She left Brock alone and saw him transform into Brooke Lynn Hytes, current reigning queen. Brooke was flawless and if you didn’t know her you would think that she was doing okay.

But Nina could see the protective layers of ice that she had covered herself in. She saw how Brooke only truly shined on the stage and during Meet & Greet’s.

Nina noticed how the smile would fall from her lips the moment Brooke walked backstage. How the queen would keep to herself and not really participate in any of the shenanigans.

But Nina didn’t know what to do. Brooke had put up an impenetrable wall that would’ve made Trump jealous.

Seeing the heartbreak that Brooke was going through made Nina want to yell at Vanjie.

Except, It was clear that she was hurting too.

It was obvious that her eyes sought out Brooke in every room she entered. Just for a moment. Every single time that Vanjie thought no one was looking, she would search for Brooke.

So what was a soft and cuddly Miss Congeniality, who most of all just wanted her friends to be okay to do? Brooke was out of the question, and getting close to Vanjie seemed almost impossible to-

“Hello, hello, hello Miss Nina. Whadya done being hiding here?” The loud trucker voice startled her out of stupor, making her jump a little in her heels.

She turned around, coming face to face with Vanjie in full drag. Her brunette hair, thigh high boots and sparkly t-shirt dress made her look street-fish.

What she also noted was that Vanjie was alone.

“Biiiitch. You can’t scare an old woman like that!” Vanjie’s laugh sounded like a cross between a dying seagull and an old man having an asthma attack. Which in turn made Nina laugh.

Fucking Vanjie.

They both stopped laughing at the same time, staring at each other. Nina opened her mouth ready to finally broach the subject of a certain moody Canadian, but it was Vanjie who spoke first.

“How is he?” It was said quietly, yet quickly. Vanjie looked slightly surprised, as if she herself was bamboozled over the fact that she had actually asked that question.

It was certainly not what Nina expected.

“He’s…” she didn’t want to out Brock, certainly not to his ex. But lying to Vanjie also seemed out of the question. “...good. Yeah. Good.”

That fooled no one, you idiot.

“Don’t be lying. I know him. He be drinking and smoking like he’s Bianca’s Motherfucking twin. He ain’t right and I think I gone done fucked up…”

“Vanj…”

“I know you his good Judy and I ain’t trying to be starting anything… just… I see him and get emotianat- emotio- I get up in my feelings okay. He doesn't look good, Nina.”

“I know. But I-“

“And then he called me - we ain’t talking for months and he just calls drunk on vodka. What was I ‘posed to do? He had on his sad big eyes, looking like I ate the last bit of that stupid Canadian food he fucking love-“

“Poutine ?”

“Yeah, that Putin shit… He done left me, and then he be calling, at night? That’s some wrong ass shit, Miss Nina. I am trying to move on instead of thinking ‘bout what could’ve been. Bitch left me, so why he moping like a toddler?”

“You guys left each other. You were both scared and not ready. You know this. Stop only blaming him, Vanj.”

“I ain’t blaming him! I am just sayin’... he left me.” Her voice cracked on the last syllable. It made Nina’s heart ache.

These two idiots.

“Maybe you guys should talk with each. You’re not okay, and he is… whatever he is. Maybe you need to clear the air, there’s obviously some unfinished business here.”

“Okay, Miss A’keria. Have you seen that tall glass of Canadian ball busting ballerina? He don’t wanna talk with me. I’ve tried.”

“It’s Brooke. You gotta give her no choice. And come on. You’re Vanessa Vanjie Mateo. Since when have you ever let a little Canadian bacon get in your way”

“Well shit, mama. You’re right.” And with that she turned on her heel, marching down the hall with determined steps towards Brooks room.

_________

Vanjie was a chicken.

Despite her determined steps and iron will, she found herself faltering as she stood outside Brooke’s room.

Could she really do this? Maybe Nina was wrong, maybe she should just forget about all of this.

But then she thought about Brooke’s face, the way that she didn’t really seem happy anymore, and made a quick decision.

She was Miss Motherfucking Vanjie, and she sure as shit didn’t hide away nobody.

Pushing open the door, Vanjie barged in, quickly closing the door after herself, ensuring that they would have no audience for this.

The sudden sound made Brooke look up startled, getting eye contact through the mirror with Vanjie.

Her face went through several emotions in a span of a few seconds - all too quick for Vanjie to identify any of them - before she settled on cold and blank disinterest.

“Oh. It’s you. What do you want?” Vanjie wanted to shiver with the iciness of her tone, as Brooke just kept on blending her purple smokey eyes.

“We got’s to talk.”

“I’ve got nothing to say to you. Please leave”

“No.”

“Vanj. Leave.”

“Nu-uh Mama, we doing this.” Vanjie quickly turned around and locked the door, leaning with her back up against looking right at Brooke.

She knew that Brooke could lift her with a pinky, if she really wanted to move her, but shit, there weren’t a lot of options left.

“Oh. So now you want to talk?” Brooke turned around in her chair, looking Vanjie directly in the eye instead of through the mirror. Her eyes were thunderous and Vanjie wanted to cheer out loud, as it was the most emotion the queen had directed at her since it became official that they had broken up.

“Yeah. I’m done hidin’... So let’s talk.” Crossing her arms in front of her chest, Vanjie looked at Brooke expectantly.

“About what? What could I possibly have to say to you?” Brooke got up from her swivel chair and walked towards Vanjie. She was wearing her signature blonde hair and her purple stepford-wife-kaftan-realness dress was swishing behind her.

Vanjie’s mouth dried up, as she was once again reminded of the beauty that was Brock in full drag. The beauty and grace made Vanjie want to stare at her forever, while also making her tingle with the need to wreck the sheer perfection in front of her.

“No really? What? You want to talk about how everyone is blaming me? What about your little post-it quote? Should we discuss how A’keria and Silky keep giving me the side eye?” Brooke’s voice slowly increased in volume as she walked closer and closer to Vanjie. Towering over the smaller queen.

“No wait… I know. Let’s talk about how I fucking have to stare are your face every day and be reminded of what could’ve been!” Brooke poked Vanjie in the chest her eyes flashing.

“I am done with all of this.”

Vanjie’s heart skipped a beat as her mind processed what Brooke had just said “what could’ve been”, the air electric between them.

“We have a meet & greet in 10 minutes.” Brooke was gorgeous, her blue eyes like a storm, anger collected in the fine lines of her face. “So move.”

“No.” Vanjie stood her ground, the word almost getting caught in her throat, Brooke looking like a hunter.

“Move.”

Brooke stepped forward, and Vanjie was the first one to move, her hand slamming into Brooke’s chest pushing her back slightly

“Oh...” Brooke looked down at the hand, like she couldn’t believe what Vanjie had just done.

Brooke shoved back, Vanjie almost stumbling, and then they were kissing, teeth clicking, lips sliding, hands gripping, tearing, taking and Vanjie wanted to disappear into Brooke.

“You fucking bitch.”

The words were hissed through clenched teeth, as Vanjie grabbed Brooke’s hair, her fingers buried in the blonde wig and pulling, forcing Brooke closer, making her be the aggressor. Brooke was quick to catch on, slamming Vanjie against the door.

“No, you’re the bitch.” Brooke whispered it between kisses.

It was hot and hateful, tender and burning, everything crashing down with the words they could not bring themselves to say out loud. Their bodies telling stories of longing and love, of broken promises and heartbreaks that were still bleeding. Tender stories of what they both so desperately wished they could still have; their swollen lips, gripping fingers and tender jaws an exchange between two wounded people who had no language left, but the most primal of all.

It was Brooke who broke them apart.

Brooke who stood up and turned to the mirror, checking her makeup.

It was Brooke who avoided Vanjie’s eyes as she calmly walked out of the dressing room with the parting words:

“You better fix your makeup, meet & greet starts soon”

Vanjie was left all alone in the dressing room. With a heaving chest, wide eyes and a muddled mind that tried to understand what had just happened.

“Well… shit.”

[cindylouwho-2]

RECENT NEWS, RESOURCES & STUDIES, late-January 2020

Welcome to my latest summary of recent news, resources & studies including search, analytics, content marketing, social media & ecommerce! This covers articles I came across since the mid-January report, although some may be older than that. 

Right now I am trying to get at least 2 of these out each month. Is that enough? Too much? Am I missing topics you want to see covered? Please let me know! Comment here, message me through Tumblr, Twitter, or my website.

Also, I am once again working on plans to start an ecommerce business forum, where small business owners can learn and discuss topics like the ones I post about here. If you have any preferences for a suggested platform/forum space,please let me know! I will be running a survey once I narrow down my list. 

TOP NEWS & ARTICLES 

Etsy introduced alternative shipping for US sellers shipping outside of the US & Canada, run by Asendia. Etsy Labels will no longer offer USPS First Class International for those shipments, but faster levels will still be through USPS. The Help file doesn’t give that much more detail; discussion is here. 

Having educational/information pages on ecommerce websites can help product page search rankings. Blog posts, pillar pages and tutorials can all be a good investment. 

Excellent article on how to keep your existing buyers (aka customer retention) rather than always going after new ones. It cites decent research in the area, with examples. (As regular readers know, I love Help Scout’s customer service articles!) For example, “When it comes to highly rated customer service, quality and completeness matter more than speed. According to research from Gallup, customers were nine times more likely to be engaged with a brand when they evaluated the service as “courteous, willing, and helpful.” “Speedy” service, on the other hand, only made customers six times more likely to be satisfied.”

ETSY NEWS 

More updates to listing categories, including a new Presets & Photo Filters category, and Cribs & Cradles is now called Moses Baskets & Hammocks. 

Tips on marketing your Etsy listings for weddings. “Etsy wedding shoppers are often drawn to Etsy because they identify as creative people themselves, an asset you should consider when developing and marketing your products. By offering DIY versions of some of your popular items, you can draw in crafty shoppers, who may end up purchasing a finished handmade item from your shop instead. Offering both options can also be a great way of hitting multiple price points.”

If you sell jewellery and/or accessories, here is Etsy’s advice for marketing in the first half of the year. “While high-end jewelry is often a carefully considered purchase, more affordable everyday items make easy impulse buys and gifts due to their small size and approachable price points.” Also, people are still shopping by gender: “70% YoY increase in Jewelry, Accessories, and Bags category searches containing “him”. “We expect the bags category to grow the most out of these three categories in the next year, led by the increasing popularity of small leather goods such as wallets, dopp kits, and items for travel. A recent increase in average order value within the Bags category suggests buyers are willing to pay more for high-quality materials like leather.” But note that “Buyers tend not to use the term "purse" in their searches.” Finally, “From July through September 2019, over half of Etsy US and global GMS came from purchases that shipped for free.”

In case you missed it, Disney is going after Etsy sellers of Baby Yoda merchandise. Some speculate that they are mostly focusssing on the listings making the most sales. More sarcastic & humorous take here.

Interesting interview (podcast & transcript, including a pdf) with CEO Josh Silverman, on business strategies.  I do like this quote: “When you’re successful, what can be really hard is to tell you’re successful because of some things and in spite of others.” To be very honest, I have this problem a lot, and have seen other business people misjudge their success as well. This is telling, though “And you have until December 31st to ship it.” I have a hunch that is what happened with Etsy Ads and the free shipping tools. So they shipped unfinished tools, and that was bad for the business. Finally, “HOFFMAN: Until this point, Etsy’s focus had been on its sellers. It saw itself as a marketplace for handmade items, and the people who made them. Josh knew he had to change this perspective… SILVERMAN: It was a really big shift in focus. I think Etsy, like many two sided marketplaces, has very deep empathy for sellers, so much so that it can forget to have empathy for buyers. And when you talk to your sellers, they really mostly want three things. They want buyers, they want buyers, and they want buyers – in that order. In order to serve the sellers, you’ve really got to focus on buyers...By the end of my fifth week almost everyone in the company had a new job.”

SEO: GOOGLE & OTHER SEARCH ENGINES 

Google confirmed a core search update that started to roll out January 13 and took about 3 days, and showed substantial changes on most tracking tools. Early analysis indicates this has once again affected sites based on trustworthiness, but big winners and losers are still unclear. The take from Moz is that this hit health sites like previous updates, but also hurt diverse sites such as Orbitz, Yellow Pages, Poshmark, USA Today and Forever 21. RankRanger noted that there was more volatility in finance rankings than the December update. 

Remember Google’s algorithm change late last year, called BERT? George Mueller offered a bit of advice [text and video] on how to optimize for it: “if ... there’s anything that you can do to kind of optimize for BERT, it’s essentially to make sure that your pages have natural text on them...So instead of stuffing keywords as much as possible, kind of write naturally” 

Google is now highlighting some products (clothing & accessories) in organic search results on mobile in the US & India; you have to have a Google Merchant Centre account set up, but you do not need to buy ads to get this organic boost. Here’s the Google help file on how to optimize. 

If your website has many related pages on a specific topic, organizing the info on one “content hub” (aka pillar pages, or even category pages in some cases) is an excellent way to get user and search engine attention. 

Brief video from Google for SEO beginners: how to optimize images for Google search. They also link to their support file on this question, which has more advanced info. And here is another beginners video on Google SEO considerations for your website. (More links in the video comments.)

Google has a “SafeSearch filter” that removes porn and other mature content from search results, but sometimes it catches innocent sites as well. 

Another good article on how internal linking can serve multiple purposes on your website, especially keyword ranking.

Sites that get the “featured snippet” position in Google search results can no longer get organic ranking on the first page. This could change, though. 

CONTENT MARKETING & SOCIAL MEDIA (includes blogging & emails) 

Excellent tips & advice on how to make email marketing work for you. Not using emails? You should. “...email has over 3.8 billion daily active users. Take a minute to think about that. Most people who use email probably fall between the ages of 15 and 64, and since there are only about 5 billion people on the planet in that age range, that means email has over 75 percent market penetration.” And “Almost three-fourths of people prefer to hear from businesses via email.”

Do you think that every email campaign needs its own landing page? I’m not sure, but there are some convincing arguments here. And don’t forget to plan to send your emails at the right time for your list subscribers. 

Updated for 2020, HubSpot does an excellent holiday calendar that can help you plan social media posts and other content ahead of time, including hashtags where applicable. 

Tips on converting your existing content (blog posts etc.) into podcasts. “Podcasts tend to be longer-form content than video or blogs. Many videos that companies produce are relatively short, ~2 minutes. For someone looking to listen to your podcast, this may not be substantial enough in terms of the information covered.”

Here’s a useful list of demographics of social media users - think about which sites would work best for your business based on who is using them. 

Reddit is an excellent source of content ideas (video & transcript), as people are usually discussing and upvoting things that interest them, and it is all organized by topic for you. 

Instagram is adding direct messaging (DM) access to their website. 

Facebook is accused of denying data access to potential competitors. 

A surprising number of American adults use LinkedIn, and their numbers are growing faster than expected. “LinkedIn users make up around one-third of all social network users in the U.S.”

ONLINE ADVERTISING (SEARCH ENGINES, SOCIAL MEDIA, & OTHERS) 

Another tutorial on setting up a Google Ads account. 

Google ads were less evident in organic search results, for about a week. This mirrors the changes on mobile several months ago, & includes favicons next to brand sites. But more people complained about the desktop layout, so they have backed down and will continue to test new versions. 

Facebook, Google & Amazon are not the only advertising options out there. 

Short infographic on how to advertise on TikTok. 

STATS, DATA, OTHER TRACKING 

If you haven’t set up Google Search Console for your website or blog, you should. [YouTube Video, from the Beginners series]

A good basic guide to using the Google Keyword Planner, including more tips on how to get in without setting up a paid ad campaign. 

Instagram is most useful when you track your stats - use Insights to track your reach, clicks, impressions etc. 

ECOMMERCE NEWS, IDEAS, TRENDS 

The growth of ecommerce purchases has been detrimental to US retail sales overall, due to brick and mortar store closures, lower b&M profit margins, and fewer jobs. Remember that Amazon now gets around 50% of ecommerce purchases in the US, meaning that the increase of online retail is more consolidated than the lost brick and mortar sales. 

Amazon will now be reporting counterfeit goods sold on its site to the authorities: "The hope has been that Amazon’s coveted data will help law enforcement make connections about criminals." 

Amazon has started a delivery program in Australia called Amazon Flex. Requiring drivers to sign up for shifts up to 4 hours that they choose, driving their own vehicles, the program is being compared to Uber. 

Shopify now has over 1 million merchants, and is growing rapidly. “This past Black Friday/Cyber Monday weekend, the company saw $2.9 billion in total sales; during its peak, Shopify software was processing $1.5 million in sales and 16,000 checkouts a minute.”

BUSINESS & CONSUMER STUDIES, STATS & REPORTS; SOCIOLOGY & PSYCHOLOGY, CUSTOMER SERVICE 

Smartphone purchases continue to increase: $5.9 billion spent on Black Friday & Cyber Monday, and 48% of online purchases in the US on Christmas Day. 

Supposedly, USPS is the most trusted brand in the US, followed by Amazon, Google, and Paypal. Actual quote: “levels of distrust are high in America, but it found that brands can win trust by protecting consumers' data privacy, not hiding important information in fine print and treating employees better than the minimum required by law.” I’m struggling with Amazon & Google in the top in particular, given that quote, but at least Facebook didn’t make the top 25. 😉 Note that age is a differential factor here: “Google is the most trusted brand among Gen Z and millennials, while USPS is the most trusted among older generations like Gen X and baby boomers.” Study details & top 25 list available here. (There is a large difference between the generations, according to this study; it’s worth a scan.)

MISCELLANEOUS

If you are looking for a new search engine, here are 7 that aren’t Google. Some of you  probably hadn’t heard of all of them, because I hadn’t. 

Anti-virus software Avast is still selling user data to major companies.

[allhallowsreid]

Aaron Hotchner // Thomas Gibson David Rossi // Joe Mantegna Derek Morgan // Shemar Moore Emily Prentiss // Paget Brewster JJ Jareau // AJ Cook Luke Alvez // Adam Rodriguez Matt Simmons // Daniel Henney Penelope Garcia // Kirsten Vangsness Spencer Reid // Matthew Gray Gubler Tara Lewis // Aisha Tyler

Criminal Minds

Season 1: 1.01 Extreme Aggressor 1.02 Compulsion 1.03 Won't Get Fooled Again 1.04 Plain Sight 1.05 Broken Mirror 1.06 L.D.S.K. 1.07 The Fox 1.08 Natural Born Killer 1.09 Derailed 1.10 The Popular Kids 1.11 Blood Hungry 1.12 What Fresh Hell? 1.13 Poison 1.14 Riding the Lightning 1.15 Unfinished Business 1.16 The Tribe 1.17 A Real Rain 1.18 Somebody's Watching 1.19 Machismo 1.20 Charm and Harm 1.21 Secrets and Lies 1.22 The Fisher King: Part 1

Season 2: 2.01 The Fisher King: Part 2 2.02 P911 2.03 The Perfect Storm 2.04 Psychodrama 2.05 Aftermath 2.06 The Boogeyman 2.07 North Mammon 2.08 Empty Planet 2.09 The Last Word 2.10 Lessons Learned 2.11 Sex, Birth, Death 2.12 Profiler, Profiled 2.13 No Way Out 2.14 The Big Game 2.15 Revelations 2.16 Fear and Loathing 2.17 Distress 2.18 Jones 2.19 Ashes and Dust 2.20 Honor Among Thieves 2.21 Open Season 2.22 Legacy 2.23 No Way Out, Part 2: The Evilution of Frank

Season 3: 3.01 Doubt 3.02 In Name and Blood 3.03 Scared to Death 3.04 Children of the Dark 3.05 Seven Seconds 3.06 About Face 3.07 Identity 3.08 Lucky 3.09 Penelope 3.10 True Night 3.11 Birthright 3.12 3rd Life 3.13 Limelight 3.14 Damaged 3.15 A Higher Power 3.16 Elephant's Memory 3.17 In Heat 3.18 The Crossing 3.19 Tabula Rasa 3.20 Lo-Fi

Season 4: 4.01 Mayhem 4.02 The Angel Maker 4.03 Minimal Loss 4.04 Paradise 4.05 Catching Out 4.06 The Instincts 4.07 Memoriam 4.08 Masterpiece 4.09 52 Pickup 4.10 Brothers in Arms 4.11 Normal 4.12 Soul Mates 4.13 Bloodline 4.14 Cold Comfort 4.15 Zoe's Reprise 4.16 Pleasure Is My Business 4.17 Demonology 4.18 Omnivore 4.19 House on Fire 4.20 Conflicted 4.21 A Shade of Gray 4.22 The Big Wheel 4.23 Roadkill 4.24 Amplification 4.25 To Hell...

4.26 ... And Back

Season 5: 5.01 Faceless, Nameless 5.02 Haunted 5.03 Reckoner 5.04 Hopeless 5.05 Cradle to Grave 5.06 The Eyes Have It 5.07 The Performer 5.08 Outfoxed 5.09 100 5.10 The Slave of Duty 5.11 Retaliation 5.12 The Uncanny Valley 5.13 Risky Business 5.14 Parasite 5.15 Public Enemy 5.16 Mosley Lane 5.17 Solitary Man 5.18 The Fight 5.19 Rite of Passage 5.20 ...A Thousand Words 5.21 Exit Wounds 5.22 The Internet Is Forever 5.23 Our Darkest Hour

Season 6: 6.01 The Longest Night 6.02 JJ 6.03 Remembrance of Things Past 6.04 Compromising Positions 6.05 Safe Haven 6.06 Devil's Night 6.07 Middle Man 6.08 Reflection of Desire 6.09 Into the Woods 6.10 What Happens at Home... 6.11 25 to Life 6.12 Corazon 6.13 The Thirteenth Step 6.14 Sense Memory 6.15 Today I Do 6.16 Coda 6.17 Valhalla 6.18 Lauren 6.19 With Friends Like These 6.20 Hanley Waters 6.21 The Stranger 6.22 Out of the Light 6.23 Big Sea 6.24 Supply and Demand

Season 7: 7.01 It Takes a Village 7.02 Proof 7.03 Dorado Falls 7.04 Painless 7.05 From Childhood's Hour 7.06 Epilogue 7.07 There's No Place Like Home 7.08 Hope 7.09 Self Fulfilling Prophecy 7.10 The Bittersweet Science 7.11 True Genius 7.12 Unknown Subject 7.13 Snake Eyes 7.14 Closing Time 7.15 A Thin Line 7.16 A Family Affair 7.17 I Love You, Tommy Brown 7.18 Foundation 7.19 Heathridge Manor 7.20 The Company 7.21 Divining Rod 7.22 Profiling 101 7.23 Hit 7.24 Run

Season 8: 8.01 The Silencer 8.02 The Pact 8.03 Through the Looking Glass 8.04 God Complex 8.05 The Good Earth 8.06 The Apprenticeship 8.07 The Fallen 8.08 The Wheels on the Bus... 8.09 Magnificent Light 8.10 The Lesson 8.11 Perennials 8.12 Zugzwang 8.13 Magnum Opus 8.14 All That Remains 8.15 Broken 8.16 Carbon Copy 8.17 The Gathering 8.18 Restoration 8.19 Pay It Forward 8.20 Alchemy 8.21 Nanny Dearest 8.22 #6 8.23 Brothers Hotchner 8.24 The Replicator

Season 9: 9.01 The Inspiration Part 1 9.02 The Inspiration Part 2 9.03 Final Shot 9.04 To Bear Witness 9.05 Route 66 9.06 In The Blood 9.07 Gatekeeper 9.08 The Return 9.09 Strange Fruit 9.10 The Caller 9.11 Bully 9.12 The Black Queen 9.13 The Road Home 9.14 200 9.15 Mr. & Mrs. Anderson 9.16 Gabby 9.17 Persuasion 9.18 Rabid 9.19 The Edge of Winter 9.20 Blood Relations 9.21 What Happens in Mecklinburg 9.22 Fatal 9.23 Angels 9.24 Demons

Season 10: 10.01 X 10.02 Burn 10.03 A Thousand Suns 10.04 The Itch 10.05 Boxed In 10.06 If the Shoe Fits 10.07 Hashtag 10.08 The Boys of Sudworth Place 10.09 Fate 10.10 Amelia Porter 10.11 The Forever People 10.12 Anonymous 10.13 Nelson's Sparrow 10.14 Hero Worship 10.15 Scream 10.16 Lockdown 10.17 Breath Play 10.18 Rock Creek Park 10.19 Beyond Borders 10.20 A Place at the Table 10.21 Mr. Scratch 10.22 Protection 10.23 The Hunt

[danibuck58-blog]

Why I started blogging.

Life comes with it’s share of ups and downs, we all know that. There are the downs that we can breath through and the downs that take the breath from our lungs. There are days we wish we could repeat forever and days that will haunt us forever.

On May 1st, 2017, I was driving home from the grocery store with a million thoughts in my head. I’m a mother of four. My two oldest were in school and my two youngest asked to stay with a dear friend of mine for a few hours. I was busy planning my to do list of all the things I could accomplish before the bigs got home from school and the littles came home from my friends. Free time doesn’t come often and I was planning on taking advantage.

My little brother called and said ‘where are you? I need you to come to my house. It’s about Dad, Mom is here and I’ll tell you everything when you get here. Just come over now.’ I kept asking what was wrong and he wouldn’t tell me. Finally he said ‘Dad’s in the hospital, I’m so sorry, just come over.’ I knew right there, that this would be a day that would haunt me forever. You see in my family, there are no secrets. There is no ‘I’ll tell you when you get here’. I could hear the heartbreak in his voice. I knew in my heart, this was going to be bad. When I got to my brothers house, I immediatly knew something was wrong. My sister in laws car was in the drive and I knew she should be at work. When I walked in the door, the faces of devastation I saw made me loose my breath. I’m not sure why but I walked into their bathroom and stared in the mirror. I told myself that whatever I was about to hear would be okay. I told myself to get my shit together and go back out there and face what was going on. So, that’s what I did. I sat down and looked into my moms eyes as she repeated the events of her morning. I was told that morning that my dad had lost his eye site for a few minutes and my mom made him go to the hospital. They found tumors throughout his brain. I’ve worked in the medical field for years and knew that once cancer spread to the brain there was little hope. I also knew my father and he would never go through chemo and radiation. All of this was swirling in my head and all I wanted to do was see my dad. I kept thinking is he okay? If I can just get there i’ll be able to put his mind at ease somehow. I told my mom how sorry I was. My heart was breaking for her. She just found out that the man she had spent her entire life with wouldn’t grow old with her. My baby brother held me and let me have my moment. I cried so hard in that moment, for everything we had and everything I felt we were loosing. I went to my husbands work and broke down. I’m not someone who cries easily. So this was all new to me. I was trying to hold it all together. I was trying to talk with intelligence and strength. I just couldn’t do it. It was as if someone had a brick on my chest and I just couldn’t breath. My husband tried to calm me down. Told me he would take care of everything, not to worry. Once I knew my girls would be okay, I left for my dad.

You see my entire life, I had been a Daddy’s girl. He was the one person who could say anything to me and I would listen. He knew how to keep me in my lane. He was the person I ran to before making any decision. He was the hug I needed to make it through the bad days. He was the calming voice in my head when I felt alone. He would listen to me rant and cuss and yell when I needed to vent. He was my everything.

I can still remember walking across the bridge to the hospital. I don’t remember the car ride there. I walked by the labor and delivery waiting room. So many families smiling and showing each other pictures, I felt so sorry for us. The elevator ride took forever. When I got to the door way leading to my dad, I had that feeling that I couldn’t breath again. I walked in and gave him the longest hug. We both had tears in our eyes and we both just knew somehow that our days together were numbered. The next couple of days went by in a blur. They found tumors throughout his entire body. We would learn that he had small cell lung cancer that had spread. We were told he probably had it for a while. We were told if he did nothing he’d have weeks with us and if he decided on radiation to his brain he may have the summer. He ultimately decided he just wanted to go home. I spent most nights at the hospital with him and we would stay up all night talking for hours and going to the parking deck to smoke. He showed me how I was supposed to live and then he taught me how to die. That may sound strange but I’m not sure what I would have done knowing I had celebrated my last Christmas, birthday etc. I never saw him break down. Those nights were spent with him laying out all of the things I would need to do moving forward. His number one priority was my mom. He said ‘She’ll tell you she’s okay and wants to be alone. But don’t let that happen.’ Then my brothers, he told me all of the little things he does for them ‘when this one calls you upset, he doesn’t want your opinion so just listen’ and so on. He gave me advice on raising the girls. Two of my daughters suffer from genetic diseases and he told me he’d pull some strings when he got where he was going. He told me not to spend money on psychics or sit at the cemetary for hours because he wouldn’t be there. We planned his funeral like we were talking about the weather. We picked the songs we would play, Holding my own by Eric Church was one of them. We also joked about playing Willie Nelson’s Roll me up and smoke me when I die, we both agreed my mom would never forgive me. We laughed and cried and laughed again. I’ll always be thankful for those long nights together. Its not that we had unfinished business or anything that needed to be said. Those nights were just ours.

I drove my dad home from the hospital thinking, this could be that last time he’s ever in a car. What an odd thought during a time our entire world was crashing around us. My families strength during this time never faultered. My mother, brothers and I had one common goal and that was to make sure we were together and could take care of my dad. My brothers took leave from their work, and we all moved into our parents house. We all agreed that there would be no hospice aide, we would be the ones taking care of him. My aunt and husband took care of the kids. I would stay up all night with my dad, come home for breakfast and to get them ready for school and then go back to my parents. I was an emotional zomby. Reassuring my girls that everything was okay, Papa just didn’t feel good right now. My brothers and I being as strong as we could for my mom and dad, and spending more time together than we had in a while. It’s funny how life works. I would consider us all incredibly close but as life goes on, we are all so busy with work, spouses and kids, we don’t have a lot of time to just be together. They would stay up at night with me and I just loved the ball busting, jokes and sarcasm. It reminded me so much of my child hood. Sharing a lifetime of memories, day after day. I could share a million amazing and horrific memories of those days but there are some things that don’t need to be shared.

On May 13, 2017 my aunt woke me up and told me she didn’t think my dad had much longer. I walked downstairs and watched him in his hopital bed. My mom holding his hand. My brothers sleeping on the couches. Other family in and out of the living room. The t.v. was on and I can remember thinking, he hates this show. So I asked my uncle to hand me my phone. I pulled up Eric Church’s Holding my own. Set the phone by my dads head and held his hand. His breathing became so calm. We woke my brothers up, during that time I hit replay on the song. My dad took his last breath. It was peaceful and without a doubt made me believe there was a heaven. Thirteen days came and went from the time we found out he had cancer to the time he was gone. My entire world was shattered in thirteen days. My heart physically hurt for my mom, brothers and most of all for the four little girls I had sitting at home. He was still a young guy, 55 years young to be exact. He had so many plans for the future. Plans that would never happen now. I was 32 years old and didn’t have a dad here anymore.

My entire family loves Eric Church music. My brothers and dad especially. Music was always on in my house. We are always playing new songs for each other. Eric Church’s song Holding My Own will forever have a special place in my heart. It’s become my families hashtag of sorts. My dad passed the day before mother’s day. He’s now in heaven, Holding His Own. A torch was passed to me. I am still here grateful everyday to be Holding My Own.

I don’t think you are ever prepared to not talk your parents again. Especially for me, a man that I put on pedestal my entire life. My anchor and guiding force. He always told me I had a knack for writing and that I should do something with it. Maybe he was just being a supportive parent. You know, like those kids that try out for American Idol and can’t sing a lick?

Either way, I’m off now. Learning how to design a web site and social media. Writing my stories, opinions and advice. God help you all…. for better or worse, my hat is in the ring. Even if nobody reads what I write, I’m content with what I’ve accomplished so far.

This isn’t a whoa is me story. It’s a story of love, laughter, strength and hope. Even on my worst days, I straighten my crown because I’m Dan Brown’s daughter. In my 34 years of life, he prepared me for everything. I still see him, feel him and hear him everywhere I go.

For my father, my family, my girls;

I’ll Live Love and Die, Holding My Own.

[aquamarina0814]

Hollllyyyy my last post was in January 13??!! @@ Aiyaa I didn't even notice! Well okay I did notice but I didn't think it would be THAT long!! So many things happened this year, but I can surely say that it was a big adventure so far! @w@ For now I am posting all my forever WIPs and unfinished art here for records, starting with this one last left off in April 4, 2020. Rose Emperor! My main villain that I created for a RP server that I own with friends. He turned out to be a fun character to play so I hope to have him involved in the RP as long as possible ;w; I didn't manage to finish this piece because I sorta lost my motivation... ;w;;;; I also lost my motivation to maintain my art accounts since I am always forgetting or get caught up with other stuff. So HERE I AM kicking myself to post! Okay now to do hashtags again... Which one was it...?

[jafreitag]

2020

On January 1, 2020, I went to LNHQ. The holiday party had happened a few days earlier – a sorta-epic “booze cruise” with Lana Del Rey off the Catalina coast. Everybody nursed hangovers on flights back home, and then bugged off to celebrate their new years with their people.

The office was spotless – just a few dust motes floating across the afternoon sunlight in the conference room. I grabbed a piece of chalk and wrote “What if…” on the green board. It was intended as a turn-the-page talking point. OM and I had had a sit-down after we got back from Cali. Good talk, honestly. He’s well-versed in stuff that I do not understand, and he’s driving the proverbial bus as the new LN CEO. Lotta heartfelt questions from him, lotta heartfelt idks from me. “You gotta…” and “Yeah, I suck at that, but what about…” Some bourbon later, we adjourned. “Love you, dude” and “love you back, man.” Let’s meet next week and ok.

So that’s why I was there. What are we doing? What if… What if we actually try hard? What if ECM keeps killing it on Instagram? What if Jane and Trevor come back? What if we move to a new location, and the corporate and content wings find a new synergy? What if all of the sponsorships pan out? And O’s settlement with Adidas? Sky’s the limit, right? Let your imagination wander. I mean, what if Fiona Apple puts out a new album in 2020, and it’s not just great, but better than The Idler Wheel, which was the best album of 2012?

Seriously. What if?

Or what if the entire world breaks?

That wasn’t in my head back then.

It’s December now. And we’re in a global pandemic, which is getting worse (or at least not getting measurably better) every day. This year has been indescribably difficult for all of us, particularly the ones personally affected by Covid-19. And it has been difficult for businesses across every sector, particularly entertainment. Seen a show lately? Nope? Me, neither. At the beginning of the summer, I paid Laura Marling to watch a stream of her performance at Union Chapel in London. Seemed cool then, seems irrelevant now.

We can’t help artists/bands, really, until we can see them again. And who knows when that will be? Next summer? Next fall? Maybe 2022 before we all feel safe in massive crowds again (even with masks)? Maybe never? Until then, we have streaming services. And … woof. That’s an Apple/Spotify cart that I’d prefer not to upend, mainly because it benefits me, but it’s worth some words.

I’m a Spotify person. My home team is comprised of six Spotify people. We pay, collectively, $14.99/month to stream almost any music ever recorded and released. That’s around $2.50 per person per month. Pretty good deal, right? For sure. Here’s the problem: Spotify pays $0.003 per stream. That’s 1/3 of a penny. If you’re a Zeppelin or a Beatle or a Stone, that’s just a nice little dividend. (Keith is like, “Hey, baby, I love Spot-ify. I bought this sweet fedorah with that check.”) If you’re somebody else, somebody less established in the Rock-royalties pantheon, you’re probably not buying a hat. You’re probably hoping that Spotify might, might, pick up your next cup of coffee – or one at the end of the year, I don’t know how that works.

Spotify does this year-end Wrapped thing. You get a weird Snapchat/Instagram video that tells you stuff. Your most listened-to artist/band, your also-rans, etc. You also get some pretty sweet virtual (and unearned) affirmation.

My win was this.

911 seems good. It’s better than 11. The green-dotify didn’t specify whom those new artists were, which sucks, but I have a decent idea. And I’m guessing that many of those artists have Bandcamp pages, and I didn’t visit any of those. Actually, that’s not true. I did visit the Car Seat Headrest page because Will put out three different iterations of the new record on streaming, cd, and vinyl. It was mostly the same – alternate sequences and some alternate versions of certain tracks. The alternate versions weren’t on Bandcamp. You had to buy all three formats to get the whole record. Or you had to be ok with the iteration that you got. Or you could just find the alternate versions on YouTube. Sure, they wouldn’t be on your phone, but you got to hear them.

That’s not me being petty or cheap. I could’ve bought the cd and vinyl iterations. And I could’ve bought alot of music on Bandcamp, but I couldn’t have bought 911-new-artists worth. How many could I have bought? Not sure. How would I have decided? Not sure. I’m glad that I discovered that many sounds, and I’m concerned that most of those sounds were produced by real people struggling to create in this challenging (intentionally undersold the adjective there, but “terrible” and “horrible” seemed trite) environment. I’m more glad than concerned, if you follow the dichotomy. And I’m not happy about it. Having identified the problem, however, I’m flummoxed about a solution.

I listened to alot of music in 2020. #WFH #FTW (And two hashtag sentence fragments make a sentence. I just checked the LN style manual. Jane said ok.)

Alessandro Deljavan is an Italian pianist, who was born a few months before I graduated high school. He recorded Erik Satie’s piano works. My best friend and I listened to that alot this year – she calls it “sleeping music.” Miles Davis, obv. Early-covid, I made a chronologically-tight playlist of his pre-Columbia material. Mid-covid, I started a chronologically-tight and still-unfinished playlist of his fusion material. Jenny Lin? I think that’s a holdover from last year, when sleeping music was her Chopin’s Nocturnes. CSH was my lawnmowing soundtrack. Daniel Baremboim? No idea, maybe I hit his Mendelssohn’s Leider ohne Worte too many times during the days.

Minutes listened and top genre are what I want to talk about, real quick, before I get list-y. 115,891 minutes is 1,931 or so hours, and 80.5 or so days. I listened to two and a half months straight of music this year. That’s not a brag or even a humble brag. It’s a fact. And most of that (trust me here, I ran my ass off to playlists) was Indie Rock – the aforementioned “new artists.” How can I help them, besides streaming their amazing work over and over and over, and championing them here? Shouting indirectly at Spotify on social media seems unlikely to change a flawed system. Anybody with more constructive ideas can share them below the line.

Ok, the list.

I did it. I broke the unspoken rule (nobody gets #1 twice), and I’m ok with it. 2020 was a unique year. Up top, that’s Fiona from a Zoom call over the summer. She didn’t really know about Liner Notes, but she was willing to talk while walking her dogs. I wasn’t sure that Fetch the Bolt Cutters would be the album of the year at that point, but it was a nice chat. Tbh, I struggled to finalize the list because any of the Top 10 could’ve been Top. The margins were very fine. (And fwiw, I may tweak things a bit over the next few weeks.) Links to Spotify. And COME ON, Spotify. Pay artists more, and pay indie artists even more than that.

Fiona Apple – Fetch the Bolt Cutters

Phoebe Bridgers – Punisher

Waxahatchee – Saint Cloud

This Is the Kit – Off Off On

HAIM – Women in Music Pt. III

En Attendant Ana – Juillet

Samia – The Baby

Kelly Lee Owens – Inner Song

Adrianne Lenker – songs / instrumentals

Porridge Radio – Every Bad

SAULT – Untitled (Black Is) / Untitled (Rise)

Taylor Swift – folklore / evermore

The 1975 – Notes On A Conditional Form

Car Seat Headrest – Making a Door Less Open

Perfume Genius – Set My Heart on Fire Immediately

Lomelda – Hannah

Fleet Foxes – Shore

Soccer Mommy – color theory

Beach Bunny – Honeymoon

Retirement Party – Runaway Dog

Shopping – All or Nothing

Ela Minus – acts of rebellion

The Strokes – The New Abnormal

Fontaines D.C. – A Hero’s Death

Kate NV – Room for the Moon

Dehd – Flower of Devotion

Gum County – Somewhere

Bad Moves – Untenable

Jeff Tweedy – Love Is the King

Laura Marling – Song for Our Daughter

Autechre – SIGN

Four Tet – Sixteen Oceans

Sorry – 925

Dream Wife – So When You Gonna…

Fenne Lily – BREACH

Margaret Glaspy – Devotion

Jordana – Something to Say to You

Hinds – The Prettiest Curse

Gorillaz – Song Machine: Season One

Tame Impala – The Slow Rush

Tycho – Simulcast

Ólafur Arnalds – some kind of peace

Ezra Feinberg – Recumbent Speech

Slow Pulp – Moveys

Young Jesus – Welcome to Conceptual Beach

Bartees Strange – Live Forever

U.S. Girls – Heavy Light

Empress Of – I’m You’re Empress Of

Charli XCX – how i’m feeling now

Oliver Coates – skins n slime

LN is on hiatus for a little while.

More soon.

JF

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