#have this for pride month tho!! | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

giantkillerjack · 1 year

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Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

#hlep #original #mental health #my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need.#the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it #i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support #and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist.#the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28!#a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents.#they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of #huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the #longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong.#and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives.#you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead?#or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of.#no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow.#i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel #i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong.#just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop

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delicourse · 3 months

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Another year, Another lesbian pride gown moment🌸

[Prints]

#deliart #pride 2024 #jjba #jojo's bizarre adventure #jolyne cujoh #hermes costello #jolymes #stone ocean #I MADE IT . LAST DAY BUT I MANAGED TO FINISH IT BEFORE JUNE ENDED #This artwork file ended up with well over 500 layers #i would check the specifics but im not gonna open that thing and wait for a solid 3 mins for it to load LMAO #there are soo many things i wanna change and do differently but its the last day of pride month so times up!#wait i had to change a thing so i opened the clip file and we were on 546 layers not counting differently named ones #like copied layers. of which there are multiple. “layer 133 copy 2 copy 1”. its bad. im NOT gonna merge layers tho.#either way. i wanted the dress fabric layers to have a bit of a butterfly wing feel but i got a little sidelined #maybe ill make a more direct version next year?

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raycatzdraws · 3 months

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A Linked Universe meets The Dark Crystal AU! I don't even remember what started it at this point. I remembered that the Dark Crystal and Age of Resistance are things I like, blinked, and woke up three days later with an AU and a bunch of art.

The designs and the story are a wip and for fun so expect a lot of variation! (I have a few different beginnings, ideas for different designs, etc)! :D

In addition to #linked universe I'll be using the tags #the dark crystal lu au and #courage of the dark crystal!

#linked universe #tdc aor #the dark crystal lu au #courage of the dark crystal #lu au au #lu legend #lu hyrule #lu four #I've made an au of the au I've gone too far help help-#I gotta get better at drawing gelfling! Their facial structures are very distinct #ALSO I went really big with the ears here lmao #the hugest ears ever seen on gelfling #TRANS ROOLIE TRANS ROOLIE TRANS ROOLIE YIPPEE!!!!#I drew this last month (except for Four) sO HAPPY PRIDE! Roolie gets WINGS! :D #I'm SO pleased with Wind's design! he's a lil fishy! and Four with the horned headband/armor in place of the lil ups in his bangs #gonna try to put the aureyal or symbol of the conjunction and triangles on all of them #IF YOU HAVE QUESTIONS ABOUT THE AU PLS ASK THEM #I'd love to tackle some worldbuilding mayhaps?!#I'm thinking of placing them somewhere before the first battle of stone-in-the-wood in the arathim wars #or after the events of the comics with Kensho and Thurma somewhere #and just figure out another reason for the crystal to be shattered. so many possibilities!#where's the crystal shard this time and how can I split it between them? >:3 niiiiine shards made whole >:3 #quest for the ~~triforce~~ crystal #Hello from summer camp also! Lots of shenanigans!#I'm surprised I was able to draw Four at all last weekend I've been so busy!!!#having fun tho!!! we're having a lunch cookout at archery and campfire is tonight!!! It's going good! see ya!!!

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spitinsideme · 4 months

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ragatha still tryong so hard to get that serial killrr ussy

#pomni x ragatha #buttonblossom #ragapom #jesterdoll #the amazing digital circus #ragatha x pomni #pomatha #harlequilt #comedy horror au #i want rveryonw to imagine thag ragatba actually made those lightings speifically foe this photoshoot #she set up lighta so she coukd have thos dramatic lookin photoa of her sadness and desperation #shesso silly #i love her so much #this is for pride month 🌈

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shima-draws · 4 months

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HI FAM here is a gremlin for you <3 I too brainrot over him. The skrunkly ever 😤

Sorry that the flag isn't super visible, these Genshin characters and their big hats smh

HAPPY PRIDE TO YOU TOO!! 🏳️‍🌈

✦ You may use this as an icon WITH CREDIT ✦

(Please read the tags of this post before sending requests!)

#Drawing this I remembered why I hate drawing Genshin characters. LMAO #They have SO much detail #And I thought MY designs were complex...fmaskdmkasn #It was still fun tho. I have a love hate relationship with drawing Genshin kiddos <3 #Genshin Impact #Wanderer #Scaramouche #Pride #Pride month #Pride icons #Friends #Ace #Asexual #Shima arts #Art #Digital art #day-nish #shima-draws

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panicky-pansexual · 4 months

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Old livery Rosie my beloved 🫶

#should I have been drawing something for pride month? perhaps #the voices told me to draw Rosie instead tho #my creative genius really peaked with the painted roses on her overalls #ttte #ttte humanized #ttte gijinka #ttte rosie

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doraingrid · 4 months

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Happy pride month 🩷💜💙

Hébée x Niamh having some fun. But just how messy could a rogue and a paladin really get? 🫣

Hébée belongs to lovely @raphaellearp

#bg3 tav #bg3 durge #tiefling #gals being pals #happy pride month #lesbeans #tho technically both are bi (or pan? is hebee pan? i should check)#ANYWAYS HAVE SOME GIRL LOVE OK BYE

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carnivalcarriondiscarded · 1 year

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I Am Being Held Hostage. Send Help.

w/o text:

#in honor of pride month ending: these fruity mfs <3 #they won't leave me alone. i have not thought of anything or anyone else in days #i will be driving later and i expect to get so caught up in Them #that in going 80 down the freeway ill hit a pebble and my car will flip and explode in a brilliant flash of light. killing me instantly.#Joking. driving stresses me out too much to get even mildly distracted #scribble garnish #welcome home #welcome home puppet show #laughingstock #yk a week or so ago i was shipping them somewhat ironically #Not Anymore!!!! Yeehaw!!!#are they considered a rarepair??? im honestly unsure #i think so... ive seen more unprompted julie/wally or poly frank/eddie/howdy #ive seen No unprompted laughingstock #i have seen it featured in One fic #yeah its a rarepair. me and like. three other people will carry it tho its fine #ive got a strong back. allegedly.#Ohhhhh Shit #mr loverman by ricky montgomery just came on and its laughingstock. To Me.#I LOVE THEMMMMMMM

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meganechan05 · 4 months

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Happy Pride Month, everybody!

#yes i hc Rita as ace and lesbian. tho the latter is actually supported by the writer ohohohoho :*(〃∇〃人)*:#yes enby ace lesbians exist. this coming from a demigirl ace lesbian #yes it works for Rita. have you've seen them?!#well i guess they could also fall under the demi category bc it took getting to know Himeno better to form a crush on her in Ch2 #but YAYYYYYYY #RITA WITH PRIDE FLAGS!!!!#kingohger #king ohger #ohsama sentai kingohger #rita kaniska #rita kanisuka #moffun #kingoh doodles #super sentai #pride #pride month

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theroseyhues · 4 months

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And thats a wrap folks!! Happy day 30 and 31 of hermit-a-day-may to all who celebrate!

This has been a great month full of so much cool art. A huge thank you to Luna for organizing this event for the second year in a row. You do so much to make sure this happens and it is SO appreciated.

So, same time next year?