#having an apartment is So great im so glad i dont have so much fucking anxiety anymore/have my own space

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[munku-collar]

wanna go homeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

[thegeminisage]

star trek update time. last night* we watched tng's "attached" and ds9's "necessary evil." *i am typing this at fuck o clock it will go up when im at work

attached (tng):

ok, the premise of this is basically every spirk fic ever, right...? "ooh, we accidentally have a telepathic connection and our feelings are revealed"

to get this out of the way, i like how much worf e riker e deanna was in the b-plot of this, even just circumstantially (i missed data though). i also think riker finally getting fed up with the aliens and giving them shit was really funny. riker is never mean to ANYBODY. i'm also glad he was relatively chill about picard being missing for once lol. like, in NO way were these assholes ready to enter the federation. not to agree with picard, but PART of a world can't enter. if you haven't mastered world peace you can't sit with us etc etc. not that i'm fully buying the propaganda of the federation as the ultimate good or that earth does somehow have world peace but whatever. even i know these guys weren't ready. what a fucking joke

frankly stunned this didn't lead to discussion about the affair baby wesley crusher. yes i know picard said he would never act on it. i don't care about that. i KNOW these people have had an affair baby. they're the type. he would knock her up and leave her high and dry. it's the kind of man he is. don't tell me there's no affair baby. i know what i know. there IS an affair baby!! i will die on this hill

actually, even though i dislike picard, i think sir patrick stewart is a v talented actor and i DO like him. i also really like beverly, so they managed to be charming a couple of times in this episode, mostly when they had a thought we couldn't hear and then started snickering about it

that said, i have no respect at all for jean-luc. the campfire conversation sucked. beverly was DEEPLY flattered and also in a little bit of a vulnerable position and he WAS LYING when he said he didn't feel that way anymore bc he tried to hit her up at the end of the episode. a man would have HELD HER, jean-luc. i would have held her. beverly crusher i would treat you so much better

this is insane bc i don't even have a crush on beverly. like genuinely. i only talk like this about sophie devereaux and brit marling characters. i just think it's outrageous her man doesn't treat her better. i almost had a fit when it came out he didn't like the breakfasts until beverly responded in kind also lol her saying croissant w the french accent

them getting sick when they split up was really funny. jean-luc, time to ruthlessly experience morning sickness. this is how it was after you left her high and dry post affair baby conception

the bait and switch at the end fucking killed me i love beverly making him ask and then turning him down GOOD FOR HER but i have no idea what motivated the entire thing. like, was the goal to get them together before the series ended? ok, why keep them apart? why show her pushing him through to safety at the expense of her own if she was gonna turn him down? why was she giving dtf vibes there at the end? like i was YELLING at him to go to her and then he did and she was like "actually nah." which was FUNNY and again good for her but what the fuck? i thought she wanted him. i just want her to be happy.

necessary evil (ds9):

OHHHHHHH MYYYYYY GODDDDDDD

i knew going in that this was an odo episode but AN ODO AND KIRA EPISODE??? swoon. oh my god she was the first person to give him his little constable nickname. HURL. KILL MEEEEE

actually, odo/kira and odo/quark people were BOTH getting fed during this ep. odo like yeah idc about quark but im gonna solve this murder case w extreme prejudice. i like both so i had a great time

every single mention of odo's dehumanization in the past makes me HOMICIDAL please treat him really niceys. i would kind of like to know what the cardassian neck trick is though. just not from odo

"i dont drink" fuckin hilarious. i think odo should shapeshift himself a digestive system so he can try food. um one that can digest stuff in 16 hours i guess or it would all just fall out when he gooped again. we tossed around the idea of chewing gum, since you just spit that back out eventually. but does he even have tastebuds, or just the approximation of them? his other senses seem to work ok........

the window in this acted SO sketchy like she was fake crying at her third dead husbands funeral after she just inherited a zillion dollars but she literally was innocent. she pointed at kira and was like girl she did it and we're like NO kira's innocent! and then kira is literally not innocent but shady sketchy widow is. incredible

kira with long hair my beloved. i would hate it if she had long hair in present day but it's perfect for past kira

ds9 looks SO BAD in the past. to have children running around and playing in it now is insane. you can really feel the difference between the cardassian occupation and Now so well in this episode, it's as striking to us as it would be to kira and odo

ohhh my god kira and odo. "will you ever trust me again" he's not even mad she killed that guy just mad that she lied about it. AUGHGHGHG

but when kira did something shady it was for a good cause. when odo was being shady he was indirectly working for the fucking cardassians. "choose a side" so true but he eventually chose kira's <3

i love deeply that he didn't try to fuck her. like it genuinely didn't even occur to him. ace king.

40s mystery style of this was so fun. odo narration is so funny bc like he doesnt wanna do it and his log is just one sentence bc he thinks its fucking stupid and then by the end of the ep hes like man am i supposed to be usign this thing as a diary?? girl dont worry about it james t kirk did the same fucking thing

final note: rom in this episode was amazing. i've never really given him more than a passing thought before this but him secretly being a fucking amazing thief was truly fantastic. sisko and odo good cop bad copping him was really funny too especially when you remember his son and sisko's son are besties. i would still rank the ferengi as my least favorite ds9 characters but i was pleasantly surprised with how often i laughed

TONIGHT: tng's "forces of nature" which sounds like. its gonna make me mad lol

[skeletood]

Another week another stupid boys posting :]

New episode thoughts as always under the read more,

YAYYY THE EPISODES EVERYBODYS BEEN WAITING FOR im so excited they were great

Tobacco Farmers:

- Poor Van D, im surprised he even tries anymore he should know better at this point also for some reason Butthead referring to him as “That Hippy” made me laugh way too hard

- GOD HOLY FUCK. BEAVIS LIKE DEBATING LORD-ING OVER A STUPID LYRIC GOT TO ME WAY MORE THAN IT SHOULDVE “Let’s just say, hypothetically for the sake of argument, there was a pool on the edge of a cliff JUST HUMOR ME ON THIS-” shut up who showed this kid Ben Shapiro. speaking of that theyd think hes such a dork but thats a whole other tangent

- “I swear to god bitch if you dont shut your damn trap”

we’ve been so blessed with so many GREAT Butthead faces lately he’s been such a bitch too. im all over it

- SIR. WHAT ARE YOU DOING. SPIT THOSE OUT RIGHT NOW

actual toddler behavior

- See? They’re good boys they're helping  :]

REALLY GOOD EPISODE!!!! Honestly the video segment had me laughin harder than the episode itself but still fun and entertaining. 

And now with the Big Bad of the releases

Married:

- Okay!! I guess no new apartment for the boys...... saaaadge :[ I was kinda hoping SOMEWHAT that Pardon Our Dust would have consequences? But I’m fine with the usual no continuation between eps

- I ALSO LIKE SEEING THE OLD FARTS INTERACTING WITH OTHER PEOPLE MORE THIS SEASON its really interesting i love that theyre just the stupid old neighbors like we all knew theyd be

- HOW ARE YOU SO SMALLLLLLLLL

- SHOCKED to see that they have a car? boys where’d you get that

- Getting married due to laziness 1. expected 2. yea id do the same

- GOD FUCK NOT THE SILLY VOICES SHUT THE FUCK UPPPPPP. I CANT STAND YOU!!!! WHEEEEEEEEEEZE SHUT UP BUTTHEAD SHUT THE FUCK UP NOT THE GAY VOICE them going back and forth on bits GODDDD

- YAY apartment lore!!! 

- SHUT UP I HATE YOUUUUUUUUUUUUU

- “Good for you!” thats right, good for them these bitches gay!

- IM SO GLAD THEY WROTE IN A STUPID COUPLE ARGUMENT theyre such a couple through and through they dont even have to like get all romancey to solidify it more theyre just Like that. its everything i want 

- :]

- AND THE SUNSET LETS GO FUUUUCK YEAH

“We’re good just the way we are” Damn fuckin right you are. Nothing has to change its not like they were ever gunna separate anyways????? Like. this just makes so much sense to me :]

Okay this episode was EVERYTHING I hoped it would be. Stupid miscommunications, the fake couple argument, deciding they don’t feel like getting divorced AND going off into the sunset. Literally checked off EVERYTHING i had in my list of hopes for this ep (all it was missing was the cheesy romance disney ass music at the end). I wouldn’t have wanted it to turn out any other way and it cracks me tf up they still dont realize theyre married to EACH OTHER. Now, will this continue into other episodes like how we saw the ending of Pardon Our Dust didn’t seem to stay canon? Idk! I doubt its ever going to be brought up again. But in my heart and mind Beavis and Butthead are now legally married, love wins or something :] somebody go update the wiki 

So happy to see this episode finally come full circle :]

OH YEAH AND WE'RE ON A GREAT STREAK OF NO PISS DRINKING.

OVERALL STILL NO MISSES, every episode has managed to make me laugh the video segments literally had me almost falling over this time. such a great day to be a beavis and butthead fan :]

[chaoticgremlinbrainspace]

I am grabbing fistfuls of dirt screaming, I am once again thinking about Dick Grayson as gender queer and how cool it would be to me

like hear me out guys  gender identity and expression are completely different things and I just think it would be so cool and epic if his gender was a huge confusing blob of things ok? like just for fun because I also know lots of people see him as just cis or maybe even a trans guy and those are completely valid! there are multiple ways to explore and enjoy a character! and its great! im glad people like him! im just really insane about him and gender, because my own gender is a fucking mess of a thing and hes a mess and god knows I love mashing things together. so like a Dick Grayson who's never felt quite right in his skin, like somethings are just off, while other things he wouldn't change is funky for me. maybe he tries on some more traditionally feminine clothes and has an oh shit that was actually super fun to wear and I liked it, or he wears some traditionally masculine clothes and feels cool in it, maybe he tries on either and feels off, maybe hes too tired to dress up but he loves bright and pattern filled clothing, maybe he tries on jewelry, and loves how it makes him feel pretty, maybe he goes out with makeup on and likes the way it makes him feel, maybe he tires different styles of makeup ranging from basic to showy, maybe he grows out his hair to try different styles, maybe he cuts his hair when he gets bored, maybe he tries dying it, maybe he doesn't get to do any of this maybe he only gets to think about it, maybe he doesn't get time to explore that maybe he can only think about it in passing when he passes by billboards and ads in the street, maybe he doesn't have any language to describe how he feels about his own body and the way he feels, maybe he doesn't need it, maybe hes longing for something to use, maybe he looks at himself in the mirror and sees all the things that dont fit right, maybe hes sees all the things that do, maybe it just feels like another thing thats wrong with him, maybe he feels like its normal and everyone feels this way, maybe he cant bring himself to look at certain areas of himself maybe he’s fine with them, maybe he wears baggy clothes to just hide from it for a bit, maybe he wears revealing things to show off, what if his gender was like a colorful mash of things, gestures, clothes, words, something just so full and alive trying to name it in all its being is too hard, its too vast. Dick Grayson being gender queer would be so neat to me, because like it gives me so many thoughts, how would he feel how would he react what even would he be? so many different things to explore with this, that and gender itself to me is like an overflowing thing made of a person its loud and colorful regardless of the identity because its part of a person and people are this loud and colorful tapestries of being. I got a bit artsy there but like it's so hard for me to explain why I like dick being gender queer so much, outside of being apart of the gender queer ball park myself. I guess it's part of the reason and maybe I want to explore him as a character and my mind usually jumps to queer shit gfbdhisnjefouf. anyway thanks for reading my insane dick rambles

[dollfaceksj]

damn im reading ur page as if its the newspaper because the anons and u r funny and its really entertaining like ive never been apart of a iconic moment like this on tumblr like ive been here since the first chapters! such a good chapter as usual

but im so curious if he went to fuck another 😭 i dont think itll change much cuz thats what he does after all but im just curious lmao

and im also curious if youll ever give a chapter from his pov? because hes very interesting and finding stuff from his own pov would be great maybe just for once 🤔 like first ocs pov and then his hmm thatd be fire

ah im glad to hear it! im very happy to have this little community it’s so much fun tbh. nice to talk to a veteran reader !

guess ur gonna have to find out!

stick around :)

[loversj0y]

still thinking about our young nation tbh <3 thinking about little tallulah learning to play the national anthem and being surrounded by people who care about her and wilbur being supportive and oh my god I love this au so much

YIPPEEE aw im so glad you like it man i am so fucking proud of the au

i always think about with her, one of the major inspirations for certain scenes in this au, which is the hunger games. if you know anything abt me, ive talked briefly about how much i love the hunger games and specifically the way it sets itself apart from the other YA dystopian novels with its realism in war and propaganda.

but theres this scene i love that, even since reading the books as a kid, i still think about routinely. and its the scene with katniss holding one of her kids, while peeta runs around with the older kid. and she’s thinking and talking to the baby and in her inner monologue says

“my children, who don’t know they play on a graveyard.” followed by “But there are much worse games to play.”

because holy fuck the weight of that. it was the reason i keep describing these bright fields with “crimson turned crimson” (one of the lines im most proud of actually, and a reference to the great war by taylor swift) because this imagery of an ex-war time graveyard being filled with children’s laughter and playing games where they fight each other because of the innocence they have and the fact that they dont know of the reality these games could hold and have held in the past, and unlike our characters, they will never have to know these realities is SO big to me. its such a simple moment but it is earth shattering to me. like

god i just love it so much

(also the other scene that was heavily inspired by the hunger games is actually their wedding. it was inspired by annie and finnicks wedding)

[fadeintocase]

wow that is. super fucked and im really glad you took measures to ensure your own peace. i feel like people at this point are letting their nostalgia for the karkat voice like, override the fact that youre a real person and that. you dont owe them shit. Do i miss the karkat voice stuff? Sure, but like. Your peace of mind and healing is so much more fuckin important than that, im really glad youve been able to remove yourself from at least some of the stuff thats hurt you. And i sure as hell have been highly enjoying all your recent stuff

I'm glad you enjoy my recent stuff! I'm still trying to get my bearings and find a new way to start doing bigger and more interesting things from scratch, and it is admittedly a lot harder without a lot of positive vibes from a large, supportive community lol

Adjusting to just being me and doing my own thing was going fuckin great from 2015-2018, but 2019-2020 jackhammered my mental health so bad I am admittedly still trying to climb out of that.

I would like the opportunity to do more character driven VO projects, but the original fiction stuff I was doing in 2018-2019 kind of got swept up and torn apart over the course of the homestuck resurgence. I'm rewriting a lot of things and re-interpreting a lot of my own stories but i'm not comfortable with starting up anything new yet.

Music, the Theatre restoration, and my studio rat experiments have been the thing stringing me along for a while, and what's giving me life and purpose right now.

[27-royal-teas]

im gonna controversially rank every fall out boy album (writing this i am realizing HOW fucking obsessed i am with this band holy shitttttt) just for funsies and pls dont attack me these are just my opinions!!! I love all the albums there are just some I like more than others open minds open arms yk

8.) take this to your grave

Hey i know im aware its a classic but im just not a huge fan. All the songs kind of sound the same, this is true for any first album i think, especially from this time period (for instance. All time low i love you to death but put up and shut up just wasnt IT for me). its still a really good album!!! but like. Ive also only listened to saturday and grand theft autumn off of it so i guess im not much one to talk. I definitely need to give this album another try when i get the time! It’s just kind of difficult for me to listen to. Like reading lord of the rings. Everyone says it’s a classic and it’s amazing but it’s fucking DIFFICULT to get through

7.) american beauty/american psycho

Its ranked this low simply because its kind of too mainstream. There are, of course, tons of bangers (see: twin skeletons, favorite record, fourth of july) but yeah. I do end up skipping a lot of the songs on this album just cause they were really overplayed, but ive forcibly distanced myself from the more overplayed songs enough that an occasional relisten wont make me want to rip my ears off. Still a good album, (none of these are BAD ALBUMS by any means, just,,, not my favorite) 

6.) save rock and roll

Best way to come back from the dead imo. I love this album. I listened to it with the commentary queued before each song and it really did enhance the whole thing by listening to them discuss the meaning behind each one. Not a huge fan of ALL the features- i like all the songs and i wont skip most of them but i just dont really like courtney loves feature tbh shes kind of off the beat in her verse and my brain doesnt like it but other than that its a really good album. Also the youngblood chronicles have my entire heart on a plate istg

5.) from under the cork tree

I love this album i really do!! There are just other albums i like MORE. its a fantastic album full of fantastic songs (Our Lawyer and I Slept With Someone being my two favorites besides the obvious) and so many have really just become huge milestones in pop punk and emo music as we know it. This album was fucking INFLUENTIAL and really changed the entire music industry as a whole. How can you not love it??

4.) MANIA

Ah, mania, my musical wife. I love her so. I love this album so much, I don’t understand why it gets so much hate. Sure its different but i like different. It feels like there was a lot of love put into this album idk. Also there are no skips for me on this one (except for Hold Me Tight or Don’t, depending on what mood im in- ever since I found out Joe never plays guitar in that song at all it’s kind of changed my whole view of it). It really does bring to life how close the links are between music, how they’re not so far apart after all, how we can bridge the gap and make something purposeful and new. 

3.) so much (for) stardust

This was my first album cycle as a fan and i am having a marvelous time.  I feel like partly because of that its ranked so high, but i love this album to death. No skips, except maybe flu game. Loved the resurgence of pete’s slam poetry and i really do think that the orchestral arrangements brought it all together. Overall sm(f)s is a great album and im glad it was my first with them

2.) infinity on high

I seriously love this album SO much. however i do recommend watching the video for carpal tunnel of love. i think it ruined me. It’s absolutely horrifying but everyone should have the experience of being absolutely horrified by a fall out boy video at least once. Either way, great album and Hum Hallelujah is one of my favorite songs by fob. Everything on it is just so well made

1 ) folie a deux

I mean what else can i say? Its, in my opinion, the best fall out boy album of them all. The craftsmanship feels like someone really put their heart and soul into it. There is some delicate care within these walls. What A Catch makes me cry every time. My friends have heard me talk about 27 enough. Tiffany Blews is incredible. It’s just,, so FULL. idk

In conclusion you really can’t go wrong with any of fobs albums!!!! They are all hella bangers !!! Incredible masterpieces!!!! If you haven’t listened to any I highly recommend!!!!!

[yandere-romanticaa]

For best quality as a person its probably selfishness and that sounds really weird but let me explain.

Ive seen people who are too kind and forgiving, who dont want to say no bc theyll feel bad about hurting or burdening another person even if theyre not at all obligated to help them or this person is judt a damn leech. So im the one who has to be the selfish person in the group who says no and tells people to fuck off, who unabashedly looks the other way when someone else tries to pester me to help them. Its not always great, sometimes you come off as a complete and utter asshole, and maybe sometimes you feel guilty, but its better than the all consuming rage and bitterness that will eventually come from having every drop of your generosity wrung dry to fill another person's cup.

Because at the end of the day there are really only some people who appreciate and care for you, and i rather give them my 100% than split it btwn them and someone who's awful.

Okay but this is actually so important, I'm so glad you put this out there.

It's unreal how many people I've met that they'll do whatever someone else wants them to do regardless of their own feelings because "It's the right thing to do".

Darling, is it the right thing for you though?

Why should you suffer for someone else's benefit, especially if you're not getting anything back? This kind of suffering is a choice and I don't see why it is made. I actually have a friend that's currently working in Croatia as a cook and by God he's being an absolute IDIOT, the people working there are using him so much it's honestly laughable. His shift is supposed to be maybe 3-4 hours but this idiot works overtime for maybe 7 hours (possibly more!), no extra pay btw. He always complains how tired and little time he has but whenever me and my friends attack him he gets so defensive! I'd understand if he was lonely or had nothing to do but he's a really likable guy and he made some friends, I don't see why he can't just finish his shift, get a meal and go to the beach and have fun for Christs sake. There's this quote that I read somewhere that really stuck with me and I'd like to share it with you:

"You work to live, not live to work."

There's a line between being a selfish jerk that only cares about their needs and a person that's trying to take care of themselves. If you really have a hard time saying no to others see it this way - how can you help them if you're falling apart? If you are going to treat yourself like a machine 24/7 you ought to at least take care of yourself. Even the best and most strongest machines need to cool off from time to time.

[pjisskullourful]

oh my , just read the little demo/little plot you created based on the prompt i suggested (Ethan/Vic/Reader poly ) and i can say i am intrigued.

I love the whole bisexual phobia idea you got sketched out, cause idk why but bisexuality is so hated by straight ppl also it is the only sexual orientation in the LGBTQIA+ community that gets ripped apart for no real reason constantly...

But on a more positive note you took that prompt beyond my expectations and if you decide to write this series i would be excited to read it.

But also you could expend on the whole 'first relationship' with a woman part, and the insecurities that come with it , perhaps that the Reader believes that Vic would choose Ethan and is heartbroken by that, before they all talk and decide to try being poly together.

If you are not going to write it as a ff, i tell you i am grateful for this brief summary on the propmpt i gave. And also that bisexuality gets put out there as a real things and not a phase ppl go through.

Love you girlie, keep up the great work can't wait for 'Over me' part 2. Hugs and forehead kisses.

oh honey, the biphobia runs rampant IN our own community. i identify as pansexual, which is verymuch under the bi-brella & i have faced erasure far too often, including from my own best friend. i think bi(& by extension, pan) representation is super important cos everyone deserves to feel like their part of the rainbow is just as bright, valid, wonderful as what the rrst of the community has. idk if that makes much sense, i am very sleepdeprived& a bit emotionally fucked

im glad you liked my little idea vomit that i gave. you had an awesome request that made some room for itself in my brain v quickly. i dont wanna guaranteee anything yet. but im keeping those notes in my book& who knows

thanks heaps gorge❣️

[spushii]

LITERALLY SO GLAD THAT THE FEELING INSANE OVER THIS SERIES IS MUTUAL FR ITS BEEN ABSOLUTELY TEARING ME APART id love to hear your thoughts!!!! *_* I have been itching to read more posts about it but also trying to avoid spoilers rbdbdbjf

I just started nona yesterday, I finished harrow few days ago but god that one fucked with me good I needed a bit to just let everything that happened sink in. like ITS SO GOOD it’s so much darker than the first book and I still don’t have the words to express how much I genuinely enjoyed the second one it’s literally so fucking great. I was almost tempted to reread harrow after I finished it but I wanted to read all three before any rereads lol but the attachment I have to these characters is insane I just fucking cling to them so badly I am so unwell. love gideon, my best friend gideon I miss her sm…

SQUEEEEEEEEEE IM SO HAPPY YOU LIKED HARROW!!! its such a phenomenal book its so. um. Harrowing. lol. im going to have a really hard time articulating just all of the Shit That I Think About with this book series because there really really is so much.

getting right into the meat of my thoughts i guess. i really love how Gideon's bit with Ianthe at the end of HtN recontextualizes the bit of the pool scene where Harrow talks about the first time she saw The Body. where it really does feel like in that moment Gideon simultaneously realized that she was in love with Harrowhark and that Harrow would never feel the same. And i think it allows you to glean some of the genuinely a little bit selfish motivation behind Gideon's suicide. There were a lot of things that motivated Gideon to kill herself so Harrow and Camilla could live, but i think a significant portion of it was her not wanting to live a life indebted to Harrow in a way she would never be content with (Connecting mostly to Harrow asking her to return to the ninth house and care for it ((and by extension, The Body)) in her stead, in the event of her death), which is to say in the grand scheme of things, the choice between Living for Harrow and Dying for Harrow was a very easy one to make for Gideon Nav.

I dont have as much analysis for this but god i think all the fucking time. About Gideon the First attacking Harrow in the bathroom. and the subsequent Everything. It's just so fucking. Bleak. Reading it is physically exhausting. It's so. oh my god. I don't even know what to say. Fucking "Harrow, do something normal." I'm Going To Kill Myself. Im Going To Kill John Gaius. The fact that she KILLS him and it doesnt even KEEP. THE FUCKING. THIS. HARROWWWWW

HARROWHARK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE NORMAL IN MY LIFE AFTER IVE READ THIS

I do love John. as much as i hate him i love him as well. He's such a fucking coward. such a worthless piece of shit. such a suffocatingly interesting character. I love when Harrow tries to ask him about Alecto and he goes on about fucking "You'd make a hell of a daughter, Harrowhark. I sometimes indulge in the wish that you'd been mine." LITERALLY FUCKING WHAT. WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOTU WHERE AM I.what if you had a crush on a girl but you had an even bigger crush on her dad's dead ex-girlfriend and then her dad told you that he wished you were his daughter. i feel so fucking abnormal

EDITING THIS POST BECAUSE I FORGOT I WANTED TO TALK ABOUT WAKE. WHAT THE FUCK RIGHT???????????????? god i think forever about how much Gideon Nav loved her mother. how much she clung to the belief that she was loved. Has Gideon Nav ever been knowingly loved by anyone, in her life? Maybe Aiglemene loved her, in a way. But Gideon wouldn't have known that until it was far too late to treasure it. Harrow certainly loves her, but Gideon can't believe that. Not with The Body in the way. Not with Harrow, to Gideon, seeming so disgusted with her final act of devotion that she destroyed her own mind to be rid of the knowledge of it. Magnus treated her kindly, but kind is a far cry from love. But she loved her mother. Held the belief so desperately-yet-gently close to her chest, that her mother loved her too. Loved her enough to come crashing and burning through the Ninth planet's atmosphere and dying herself on the way down. Loved her enough to protect her life at the expense of her own. Imagine, then, for Gideon to learn that she was a tool. A key. Her destiny in life was to die within the first days of her birth; a blood sacrifice, as her mother willed it. Her mother hadn't brought her to the Ninth House in an attempt to save her, she'd brought her there on her way to kill her. Its So. God. Fuck this fucking book. Has Gideon ever been loved? Every truly been loved by anyone in this world? If she has, she doesn't know it.

[neonun-au]

thoughts on 2 baddies (the album) and if you want could you rank their albums too? i love reading your opinions, have a good night mads<3

well im glad someone likes listening to me talk LOL thank you hehe

i liked the album overall, but not too many of the songs remain in my head much beyond the actual listening of it unlike a lot of their other albums !! the one that stands out the most for me is faster, because i think its really interesting and cool. love the instrumental. but i couldnt really tell you what the other ones sound like too much off the top of my head.

as for album rankings.....oh i do have thoughts on that HAHA i love 127 albums on the whole, i think theyre GREAT and they have a good, consistent sound and style while still branching out and experimenting here and there (esp with title tracks), but some albums are deffo stronger than others so here goes

from least fave to number 1 in my heart of hearts (just the korean discography, though i would rank awaken very high cause its great)

nct #127. fire truck, while i have warmed up to it over time, is still one of my least favourite title tracks and there arent many b-sides on this album that i bother to revisit much independantly

limitless. i like limitless a lot as a title track, and the b-sides are good but apart from baby don't like it and limitless itself, i dont find myself returning to them too much

neo zone: the final round. i know maybe this is a weird spot to put it it, but its hard to rank repackages. i like punch as a song but i dont care for non stop nor do i think they really add a whole lot to it and neo zone on its own is such a perfect album that this just feels superfluous. i would have preferred them to be just a seperate mini

2 baddies. its so new that this ranking might change as it has more space and time to grow for me but for now this is sort of where it sits. it continues the trend of ditching the interludes and stuff and takes a more hard turn into like...more intense beat focused music vs the vocals that i love from 127 so much. but there are some solid songs in it. the title track is just so fucking funny. also no track mvs....which is sad....those were fun.

nct #127: regular-irregular. the first use of the interlude in 127 albums edges it ahead of limitless/2 baddies for me. i love a lot of the songs (namely fly away with me, knock on, replay, and no longer) but i also detest a few of them. so it evens out sort of in the middle for me. but the packaging and physical album itself is a dream

nct #127: regulate. it sits above the main album as a repackage just because i think simon says is the superior track. it improves the album on the whole and the only version of regular i listen to is the english version tbh lol (queso queso)

nct #127: we are superhuman. i dont return to many of the b-sides but the sheer amount of intense love and adoration i have for superhuman itself plus highway to heaven??? those alone place it really high for me tbh LOL this is very biased and like...objectively it should maybe be below regular-irregular (or at least regulate), but i just....i cant put superhuman there.....i cant do it shes too beautiful

sticker. i love sticker. the title track and the album. i think because it was the follow up to neo zone it had a really high bar to try and reach and comparitively maybe it fell a little flat but i think if you just consider it on its own then it really is a gem. there are so many good songs on it. the only one i dont love is road trip, but on the whole its great. i miss the interludes and stuff though. wish it had those.

favorite. hard to place up next to sticker as a repackage. because i think sticker is the superior title track but love on the floor is so fucking good. ultimately it edges ahead slightly just for style points haha but i dont love favorite (vampire) as a title track. i think its fine but nothing mind blowing.

cherry bomb. aside from whiplash which i dont especially care for, i come back to all of these songs SO often and on top of just the sound of the album, i also think the design and cover art is so good ;A; the physical album is one of my faves

neo zone. i mean. yeah its an obvious choice, and so many people would also do this so maybe it seems like not a hot take. but thats cause its not. its just the right choice lol. its their best album. it flows from front to back SO well. the interlude is SO good. so many of the songs are ICONIC and amazing and just a treat to listen to. the track videos were divine. its just so good.

[that-kid89]

03.26.2024

numb the pain. <- song of my day

but like a happy day for me? tbh definitely ended on more of high note, a spark of hope after being unemployed for a week now.

i feel like i could write 15 sentences at the same time right now.

madness, insanity, sickness, disturbed, panic.

ecstasy, highs, journeys, toys, wanderlust.

modest, numb, emotional, passive.

literally just writing random words that pop in my head. feels like gonzo clarity. check me if it's narcissism. too much pride.

daily average for screen time on my iphone is 3.5 hours for the 3 days this week.

read and skimmed all the back to my opener post. i initially felt bad, sad, and let down. reading my thoughts of love for heather, but more so my feelings towards my self. talking to myself in this blog, scolding him nearly. listing my needs and realizing where i sit that i made not one attempt at getting those things. were they really needs or just fantasies though.

kinda feelin like fuck all that shit. maybe its the beers and esteem boost from my first hearing back on one the applications i sent out in the last 7 days.

whats always wild to me, is how i can drift off into my dreams, when i'm awake. the rare night where i just daydream and not even sleep. its so crazy to me, and i dont recall talking about that seriously with someone. wish i did with heather. but also the stimulation i get from twist my hair into knots. sometimes it hurts so good. but i get mad when it's really knotted, and i gotta rip it apart, usually with hair being ripped out. insane.

talking about today now. woke up late, but earlier than i thought after falling asleep around 3am. tried not to drink but caved last night and had a few swigs of casamigos followed by a lovely beer. technically counts as today! well i suppose only the events beginning at 12:00am. fuck it, yeah so i woke up, and funny i keep checking my phone for all kinds of notifications. first thing i read was a message from christian on insta about the boat hitting the bridge in baltimore. this is recent to the mass shooting in russia, god damn dark news. still seeing a bunch of posts about necann. i'm glad i've been to events, but felt i had no place going this year. i don't think i've been when working in the industry, but definitely when i was younger. took a much needed shower today and trimmed up. then went to whole foods and petco. nearly bought the exact same things from each store, from i got yesterday. took the amg out though, and always get excited to drive that beast. let it warm up right, cold start was rowdy as always. deffs got some good pops and bangs. fuckin car is so quick too, and so exhilarating. however i did get this great beer as well called "termination". spent a lot of time looking at crafties to get, and ultimately chose this one although it being a triple ipa. 10% abv and damnnnn smooth. i'm on my second one tonight. sipping out the duvel big round chalice that i got from an xmas yankee swap one year. but anyway, getting a hit back on an application from only yesterday was an esteem boost. seems like a company tha could really use my help, and that they'll have a lot of work cut out for me. falling in love a bit quick as i do my homework on them. keeping in my mind that its only a teams meeting planned for next week but was still the first i've heard in a week. this last week has felt like freedom. but also emptiness. i do miss my last job, and still trying to get a good understanding of how it ended. but it feels a lot like the lat time heather and i broke up. i had reached my breaking points with them months ago, and never recovered. but they cite a recent mishandling of a heroin related customer incident at the store, which i can see how they perceive as mishandling, but damn it really felt good to get fired. i just walked out they of my term. instant relief, not much to finalize with them either. anyway

running out of steam with my writing. im glad i did. btw, song of the day came from nowhere. i somehow had the song stuck in the head, and i searched a rough idea of the lyrics with xxxtentacion and nailed it. i've had it on repeat all day since. had it on loop in the car, and had it on loop during this whole session. a classic way i've listened to my favorite x songs, a repetitive lyric design with just guitar chords or sample. feel like he's here with me, just sharing his emotions with me.

came to love his music after a distinct memory of mine, being when i shurgged off his death as i read him to be an abuser in his relationship. came to realize he had remorse in his actions, and was on a mission that i never would found out myself. this girl told me he was one of her favs, and that's when i got into him. his music still took time to grow on me, but ive now listened to most of his music, and i think all of his albums, all the way through, multiple times. 17, ?, skins, bad vibes forever, and some of his early stuff from mixtapes and singles. but yeah, quite a learning and growing experience. ending sentences on the 4 beat, or like a significant strum or beat, just feels so good.

rest in peace jahseh.

thank you for helping me open up my mind in so many ways.

here's to me, and the life i've lived and will continue to complete. excited to see where life takes me. for now, a nostalgic night of no responsibilities, weed and beer.

signing off.

[blookmallow]

ok i REALLY gotta start going through my fallout 4 backlog. lets get this going

i have been having a delightful time

----

my girl ruby before Everything Happened

i love fallout giving me the ability to alter my character's face over time so i can gradually add more scars and stuff. i love it. its weird to me looking at this screenshot now bc she's changed so much

though it occurs to me i think i took this before i had completely finished with her face bc shes supposed to have freckles and for some reason doesn't but w/e

i LOVE that fallout 4 shows us Before the war. i love the intro a lot

i didn't know about codsworth's massive name database and happened to pick a name he had programmed and let me tell you hearing him say my character name threw me for a loop sfjg

i cannot believe how many names they accounted for this is excellent

oh look i have a baby

i don't love the assigned backstory though it took me a while to be able to define my character and it still doesn't really vibe very well for ruby. i think she was dating (nate? literally i dont even remember my tragic backstory husband's name sdgfjh) because he was a nice guy and she had no Reason not to. he proposed and she said yes because there was no Reason to say no. getting married is just what people do. they weren't Planning for a baby, but she got pregnant, and well, that's what's happening now. she wasn't opposed to the idea. she loves children. but the domestic life was never what she Wanted, not really. the truth is she loves the post apocalyptic life. she misses the world before but she loves fighting for justice and going out to rebuild the commonwealth with her own hands. she loves urban exploring and scavenging. and it tears her apart because she feels like she shouldn't. she lost her family. she lost her husband. she lost her whole life and is surrounded in human tragedy every day. but in her heart she feels she was made for this

i don't know if it's the writing or if it's me or what it is but i just didn't really feel anything about this. maybe just because i was given no time to know this man or my relationship with him but im channeling it into my character as "she doesn't feel as hurt as she knows she should and doesn't know how to process any of this"

why are the names written in like this. this makes no sense everyone else is listed by surnames except my family. i know it's probably so that you have no established last name but it's weird

loving the fact that i can just x-ray vision all the containers and see what's in everything without even opening them. extremely convenient

YOU'RE STILL HERE

MY BOY

i felt so bad for leaving him behind i m so fucking glad he's okay but also, he has been stuck here alone for like 200 years. the trauma he's coping with is genuinely horrific

my GOD everything looks so beautiful!! i had such a weird clashing emotional experience with this intro bc like. i love new vegas but it is very beige. and there's so much color here despite the destruction. i love the retro futurism aesthetic. the radio music is so jazzy and bouncy. so im having a great time and super excited to explore this new world but also, this is the worst day of my character's life,

PUMPKIN

THERES PUMPKINS

not food

ew

BLUE!!!!!! LOOK AT THAT BLUE i love these i love them

fsadjgh thanks

war never changes

how did this even happen what caused these skeletons to stay like this

sweet rolls....

who did this

shout out to this fucking mannequin for scaring the shit out of me when i looked over here

just. 200 years overdue. it's fine

i keep finding these and i pick them up every time im on a personal mission to find a library to put them in sfjkdg

BLOOD CAN???????

[itsjaywalkers]

hello laurie!! <3 insane commute nonnie here (again) omg i read oby yesterday omw to class (ended up staying at my friend's again bc his roommate was still out. sadly he's back) and i should not have done that bc OMG?? BABE I WAS LITERALLY THINKING ABT THEM THE WHOLE TIME UT GOT SO BAD I SAW MY PROFESSOR (he doesn't even look like james. he's just fit in a 'Hear me out guys...' way)N BLUSHED I WAS ACTUALLY GIGGLING AT RANDOM TIMES THINKING ABT THEM also like. sirius n regulus in this😭😭 regulus cursing sirius out for being a good brother is so real to me as someone with 12 year older brother bc he spent my entire childhood terrorizing me n now he's the sweetest person Ever. not even in an evil way he's just genuinely nice to me so if i ever complain abt him everyone goes ??? YOUR brother??? its so annoying (i love him). just reg veing grumpy<3 he's my fav little purse man and ok oh god never thought i'd say this. i have NEVER gotten the whole daddy thing but now im just🧍‍♂️bc i need to call james potter daddy while he fucks me what who said that also like. extreme apologies for how extremely inappropriate this might've gotten i was up all night studying for a quiz we have today (cannot catch a break w these ppl istg) n i swear my brain refuses to function and i have no idea!!! (please pray for me) also i hope you're doing great<3 sadly i do know work and adult things but im glad to know that nothing bad's going on!! you deserve the best<33 also i Absolutely get being funnier in your mother tongue sometimes i have these sudden thoughts n they're soo funny but i have to translate them which is like. okay but the vibes change istg!! i usually end texting my siblings abt it bc someone deserves to know how absolutely funny i am!! (all i do is make dad jokes) and (im actually so sorry bc ik you prob dont mind the book-long asks but its still!! so embarrassing!! like girl why are you yapping sm!!) i haven't read the 2nd part yet (i read the first part n just stared ahead blankly for like an hour after i read the 1st part. it did things to me) but im gonna read it after my quiz as a little treat<3 thank you for writing them sm!!!<3

HI BABE <333 sorry it took me so long to get back to u, life has been soooo hectic istg

AND OMG IM STILL SO SHY ABOUT U READING OBY but i'm so glad u enjoyed it and that it had the desired effect, it's definitely not the type of story u should read in class or just like . in front of ppl . i don't blame u for getting all flustered around ur professor even if he doesn't look anything like james. it's just the vibe yk??? you're literally so real for that

sirius and reg in oby are !! so important to me !! i feel like they have the best relationship in all of my fics, bc they're on good terms on nothing happens too but they argue . a lot . and they're gonna have some issues down the line. and they're also very close in the boxer au but there's still gonna be a lot of angst regarding their relationship. in oby, tho, they're just brothers <3 they love each other so much <3 and i'm so glad i'm portraying their dynamic accurately bc a lot of their convos are based on stuff me and my sisters have talked/fought about lmao

LISTENNNN I ALSO WASN'T INTO THE WHOLE DADDY THING like i didn't mind it and i read it occassionally but i didn't seek it out. but now that i'm actively writing it . well . i guess i kinda get the appeal (girl who doesn't even have a daddy kink) SO I GET U I REALLY DO

u don't have to apologiseeee i'm always happy to open horny hours especially if it's for james potter <3 and also i know it's been a few days but i hope the quiz went well and that u never do that again bc u need to rest!! i mean it!!

i'm doing quite well actually!! work's been a nightmare but apart from that i'm great!! i recently moved into a new flat with two friends and the place is soooo nice i'm in love with it i can't believe it's ours <333 AND SAMEEEE i always complain about it to my sisters or my spanish friends bc it annoys me to no end like . i'm literally soooo funny and it pains me that you'll never realise bc it's only when i speak in my first language ugh

I REALLY DON'T MIND THEM BABE IN FACT I LOVE THEM NEVER STOP and don't apologise again i'll kick ur ass!!! and god you're so very sweet to me, i hope u enjoyed/enjoy it and i'm sending u the biggest hug + forehead kissie in the world MWAH <3