#having it confirmed that he's had reason to be lonely since he was a child- before he was old enough to know he was using magic-

[obeymeow]

nightbringer lesson 14 FUCKED ME UP in several ways but primarily I've spent the last 48 hours making myself sad over the solomon backstory we got. specifically I have, for no reason, latched onto that one chapter in the Kids event where baby solomon cried because he felt so guilty over being responsible for that spell. and that just feels a touch more depressing in context

[heartofwritiing]

could you write wilbur soot confessing his love to a crush? 👉👈

something about how he's been pinning after this crush for so long, but the crush seems a bit avoidant or something

but that's because the crush also has a crush on him and is very very shy qpwimsmanssjslslek sorry im not good with requests

You and me need never be, lonely again.

Paring: cc!wilbur soot x fem!cc!reader

authors note: Thank you so much for requesting! I hope you don't mind the reader being a content creator and i’m sorry she’s not super shy because im not really sure how to write shy lol but i hope you like the request! I just thought it would add to the idea and I've wanted to do something similar to this for a while! This is a request back from august. I am so sorry this took me so long to get out. I've been going through some shit irl but I'm finally starting to come back to writing because I genuinely love it and posting on here since it is my safe space!

line from this prompt list

warnings: friends-lovers, reader lives in the US, brief description of anxiety, the reader sends mixed signals, swearing, kinda angsty, happy end, super unedited!

"No! That was such bullshit!"

The voice of Tommyinnit ran through the speakers of your computer causing you to let out a chuckle that you were the reason for his outburst.

You were playing Gang Beasts on stream with some of your closest friends, and you had grabbed Tommy's character and thrown him off the map by picking him up.

Laughter rang out amongst the group as the screen card popped up saying your username won. You cheered as everyone groaned but dispersed into 'ggs' then that's when everyone started to bid goodnight. You hadn't realized it had been four hours of streaming and playing games, showing the good time you were having with friends.

"Alright chat, that's gonna be it for me today! Please remember to click the follow button if you're new to stream that way you'll know when I go live! byeee!" You did your outro, quickly closed your stream down, and logged out of Twitch.

It was an uneventful stream session, thank god. You’ve noticed more and more how your chat gets when you even mention wilburs name.

“you logging off completely y/n/n?” Ranboos voices asks through your earbuds.

“No, I’ll play a few more rounds if you guys are down,” you respond.

“HELL YEAH!” Tommy boasted. “IM GONNA KICK YOUR ASS THIS TIME Y/N/N!”

“Oh, it’s on gremlin child!” you replied.

Wilbur listened to this conversation on his end, letting out a chuckle. He honestly doesn’t know why you make him laugh so easily. Anytime you threw a genius comment toward Tommy that was deemed insulting, or calling him a name Wilbur fell for you more and more. If only he had the guts to tell you.

You as well wouldn’t admit it but every time Wilbur laughed all you could feel was butterflies punching your stomach and a smile that made your cheeks hurt. You were also falling hard for him.

After about another fifteen minutes, Tommy and Ranboo had bid their goodbyes for the night and ended their calls. You were left in call with Wilbur, the silence could be cut with a knife.

Knowing him for two years was hard. Wilbur was everything to you. He was funny, smart, charming, and overall made you feel comfortable. Something you thought you’d never have with anyone. Having to only talk on call and video made things easier for you. On call you could hide your blushes and smiles from him, but not from your chat who caught every interaction between you and Wilbur when you streamed. The constant ’Wilbur x name confirmed?’ tweets and comments in your twitch chat were recently repetitive and you wondered when you became such a beacon of attention. It gave you such anxiety to have all eyes on you when you wanted to spend time with your best friend.

It was getting obnoxious to the point where you debated making a tweet to get the fans to stop shipping you both, even if you were dating it was no one’s business. Still you never dared to say anything out of fear of stans coming at you in anyway. You didn’t need to draw more unwanted attention to yourself.

“You logging off? it’s getting pretty late for you,” you spoke up.

“Yeah, we both should, by the way what times your flight tomorrow?”

Right, you were flying less than eight hours from now to finally meet your friends inperson. You all had planned this for months, booking hotels and flights, making a whole deal about it. Then you really wouldn’t be able to hide from him for a whole week.

“Around seven-thirty,” you reply.

He hums.

“I’ll let you get some rest, see you tomorrow night darling,” his voice purposely going lower on the ‘darling’ part that you almost didn’t catch it, making your knees go weak.

“N-night Will,” you stutter, end call and slump back into your desk chair trying to calm your racing heart. Meanwhile Wilbur all the way across the ocean in Brighton has a smile plastered across his lips.

About a plane ride, a train ride and car ride later, you are stood in the hotel lobby in Brighton waiting for a late Tommy and Wilbur to arrive. You were super nervous to meet them. Having only been friends for what was a short time, it felt like you knew them for years, so why was this so scary?

You debated in your mind about texting them to see if they were close by, but you didn’t want to come off as annoying and impatient. You wanted to make a good first impression, but again these were your friends. Why were you shaking with nerves?

You fiddled with your thumb’s absentmindedly until you felt a pair of hands on your shoulders, causing you to jump out of your skin. You spin around to be met with a cackling Tommy who is clucking his stomach from laughing so hard at your reaction.

“Fucking gremlin child,” you huffed under your breath, not realizing the evident blood rushing to your cheeks from being startled so easily.

“It’s nice to hear you say that in person,” a deep voice said from behind Tommy. You shifted your eyes to see a very tall Wilbur, who was wearing his round glasses pushed up his nose and curly hair fluffed to the side.

His dark sweater selves rolled up to revel his arms tucked into his side as he gazed at you with a soft smile. Finally after two years of being separated by seas, your best friend was standing right in front of you. It was surreal to say the least.

You laugh and jump forward to embrace him. The number of times you’d tease him over-call about his height made you regret your words. He towers over you as he bends down to your level to give you a long awaited hug. His arms are soft, yet firm as they wrap around your back and cage you into his embrace.

You both pull away, both grinning from ear to ear. He looks down at you with a hint of something behind his eyes, he seems to be genuinely happy to finally meet you in person. which makes you blush at the thought of him looking forward to this moment since you told him you wanted to come here. You're quickly brought out of your moment when Tommy speaks up behind you.

"So he gets a hug and I don't?!" his tone slightly offended.

"Yup, cause you're annoying," you bring a hand up to flick his forehead, causing him to let out a irritated noise. you had only just met him in person but something compelled you to do that. Maybe it was just a reason for you to break the ice and it was working because you all broke out into giggles.

“Im just kidding Tom,” you motion him into a hug.

Wilbur just stood observing the entire interaction between his two best friends. He was thrilled to finally have you here, he couldn't wait to show you all his favorite places, hang out, and get to know better in person. Finally.

The two boys had managed to drag you to the beach, and even though it was freezing Tommy insisted on going to the arcade to try and win another 'vlog gun'. After suffering through loosing a few games, Wilbur managed to win you a little stuffed cat that you promptly named Mr Whiskers.

It was endearing to watch him struggle at most of the games so he could get enough tickets. It was all worth it in his eyes to embarrass himself by losing ski-ball to you, twice, he saw the evident blush on your cheeks and the look you gave him. As if he hung the stars in the sky just for you. It made his chest hurt in a good way.

The rest of the night went smoothly for the most part. More and more, Wilbur had been getting more touchy with you. Though you didn’t mind it at all, maybe he didn’t realize how much he was putting his hand on you as you walked side by side as he led you through crowds. How he held doors open for you. It was sweet.

Maybe he was doing it just to be nice. That small voice in the back of your head telling you thats all it was. Because thats what friends do.

Eventually, the three of you met up with Ranboo and Charlie. They were just how they were online, which made meeting them a whole lot better. Walking around Brighton, making inside jokes and teasing each other. You hadn't been this happy in a while. You can remember the last time you genuinely enjoyed yourself, your friends were the product of that. You were fortunate to have found them when you did. Quarantine was hard on you, much like the rest of the world. So when you were invited to join a group game call, you couldn't pass up the opportunity. That night, something had clicked between you and Wilburt specifically. Then you started to join more calls with the gang and the rest was history.

Sometime in the night, you found yourself walking behind with Wilbur by your side chatting about nothing in particular. Until the comfortable silence filled the air between you, you took a moment to take in the nightlife of Brighton. The street lamps guide your way through the beachside and the pubs on the corner were starting to fill up. As if the city was somehow more alive at night.

"I'm really glad you came," Wilbur speaks, sincerely.

You stop your wide-eyed gaze to look at him and smile softly at him.

"I am too," You gush. "I'm honestly considering moving here,” Now he’s smiling.

Wilbur's brain starts to go a million miles a second. His heart leaped at the thought of you living closer to him. Seeing you in person everyday seemed like a dream come true. He begins to slow his step and a frown replaces your smile. Your own thoughts running rampant now, assuming you might've freaked him out by voicing that you wanted to move here so soon after meeting him in person. Maybe it made him uncomfortable. it was too soon to say something that bold. You had only just met him in person today.

"Listen, Y/N..."

You stopped and your brain got the best of you with his tone. You shouldn't have said anything like that to him. It was too soon.

“I don’t want to sound cheesy, but I need you to know how I feel.”

Oh... OH.

You knew what this was leading to. Realizing why he was acting the way he was all day.

"I like you, more than like you. You're funny, beautiful, smart, and everything I could've hoped for in a best friend. But I can't keep pretending I don't think of you when we aren't talking, or how when I look at you my chest hurts."

Wilbur liked you. Really liked you. You would jump for joy and shout to the rooftops about how much you reciprocate his feelings but something in the back of your mind told you not to. The doubt in your mind from yourself, both your fans online judging. It made you slowly start to panic. You felt as though you weren’t good enough for him.

You saw the aftermath of when his fans shipped him and Niki together. It almost ruined their friendship. You didn’t want that.

"Please say something?" he stops his rant to notice you are staring up at him with blank eyes.

"I-uh," you stutter. "can we maybe not do this now?"

His face falls and it instantly crushes you with regret. His disappointment shows as he gives you a forced smile and nods.

"Y-yeah, let's catch up with everyone, Tommy wants to do this big stream at his place." he gestures for you to move along with him, all while you feel horrible for doing this.

You wish you could take back what you said. You know you've hurt him, It's painfully obvious when he doesn't talk to you for the rest of the walk. You glance at him a few times but he keeps his eyes forward and stoic.

If only you didn’t let your anxiety get the best of you. You had to talk to him at some point, but for now you pushed it aside. The rest of the group didn’t seem to notice the sudden tension between the two of you, if they did nothing was remarked about it.

As you continued the journey to Tommys flat, you and Wilbur still walked silently side by side. With what little courage you had, you reached out your hand and held his in a moment of truce. Giving it a gentle squeeze with your fingers to seal the deal that you would talk later. You heard his soft inhale at the contact and he squeezes back. Your shoulders drop from the weight of tension being lifted off. Maybe, just maybe this ment this conversation wasn’t over.

Back at Tommy’s, the monitor in his cramped bedroom with everyone packed together like sardines; shows the twitch chat flashing by with viewers comments.

“WELCOME BACK TO THE STREAM EVERYONE!” Tommy shouted causing you to hold your ear in slight pain.

“God Tommy, could you be anymore loud?” you wince.

“Look who’s here chat!” he gestured to you with his hands, ignoring your complaints. You waved at the webcam as chat went crazy. He introduced everyone else as they all broke out into a chorus of conversation.

Wilbur was mostly quiet on your left, an occasional sarcastic comment made here and there. You could practically feel his eyes buring into the side of your head. Hopping chat wasn’t noticing how he was looking at you, your eyes shifting to your lap to fidget with your fingers.

Out of view, Wilbur reached over and took your hand picking at the skin around your nails. You had stopped your nervous tick and opted for squeezing his hand. Nobody seemed to notice the sudden shift in both your behavior.

Suddenly you felt tense, the feeling of having everyone’s eyes on you made your mind start to spiral.

Letting go of Wilburs hand, you quickly had excused yourself and walked out of Tommys room and into the kitchen.

Everyone had a mix of concerned and worried expressions as they watched you leave the room but didn’t say anything about it. Wilbur had followed you in pursuit. He found you in the kitchen hyperventilating Your panic had taken over and now your lungs were paying the price for the burning sensation from not breathing.

“it's okay,” he took your face into his hands and held you. “just follow my breaths.

he took a breath in, and you followed.

When you came to your senses, Wilbur had asked you what was wrong and you just began to cry. Everything came rushing down on you.

“Im sorry. I-Im sorry I shot you down earlier, Im sorry for h-hurting you. I-i,” you stuttered over yourself. Wilbur shakes his head at you. He probably thinks you’re such a mess.

“I don’t understand, I know you like me too, so I don’t understand why you rejected me after I poured my heart out to you. Then you go and hold my hand while we're walking.'

Wilbur was right. Playing with his feelings was selfish and cruel. He was completely in the right to question you. You were practically flirting with one another all day, and then you shut down his advances of trying to open your relationship.

“I do wanna be with you.” you sniff. “I'm just really scared.”

"Why darling? It's just me, your silly old Wil." he pokes at your sides causing you to let out a giggle. Your best friend, who looked at you with the prettiest chocolate eyes, who stayed on call with you all night when you couldn't sleep. The only person you told your deepest fears and dreams to.

You take a shaky inhale as you begin to explain. "I don't wanna ruin our friendship, we have something I've never experienced with anyone else in my life. I care about you too much to let me be a distraction in your life, and I am scared that the fans will-"

Wilbur interrupts you with a hand on your arm.

"The fans? darling who cares about that, I care way too much about you to even care about what strangers think. It's no one's business who I, or you for that matter have a relationship with." he clarified. "I love you and nothing or no one will ever change that."

Those three words made your heart leap in your throat.

"Y-you l-love me?" you stutter in disbelief.

"Yes, of course I do."

Tears roll down the apples of your cheeks as you lean forward to engulf Wilbur into another hug. His arms wrapped around your back reciprocating your embrace. your face buried in his neck as you inhale his cologne and your tears dampen his skin.

"I love you too Wil," you whisper.

He squeezes you closer to him in return and this time you don't hold yourself back...

-

taglist: @trashcanduck @ax-y10 @mysticalsoot @idontreallyexistyet @loonalvjy @toastyliltoasts41

[grimmcheems]

Bert & Pieck Half Sibling Au?!?!?!?👁

(Based off this post😭) thanks @deerish for the meal that fueled this.

So like……..haha I didn’t lie when I said this would be simmering in my mind for a while💀. Such an unintentionally wholesome concept stemmed from this idea oop. Nothing much but just Pieck being her silly self around Bert when they were younger and before baby Bert was sent off to his mission. ;( I built lore for this while I disassociated at work💪🏽

Pieck and Bert share the same father but his mother died during childbirth, hence him only having his grandfather as his only living relative (ik he doesn’t have a grandfather but let me live) Bert is actually a b*stard child and his father had a whole family with Pieck and her mother until she too died while Pieck was still young. Pieck is confirmed older than him, it’s never explicitly stated but I’d wager about three to four yrs since she’s closer to Zeke’s age anyways.

She’s never told about Bert or their blood ties but her father hinted at it a couple times before he died (unintentionally) and the rest of her family on her mother’s side knows about it so she basically grows up hearing whispers about him. She puts the pieces together after a while of meeting Bert and after they inherited their titans. I’d like to point out that Bertolt is completely oblivious to all this and her overly kind and interactive attitude towards him. It isn’t until later on that he realizes it and analyzes things his grandfather has told him.

However, they keep it under wraps and have a nonverbal agreement to not bring it up or mention it in the slightest. They never do acknowledge their ties and they never see each other again after Bert is sent away on the mission :(. Bert is a soft boy so his only regret before dying is never getting to fully confirm whether she was his actual sister and the fact that he still had some extended family as her besides his lone grandfather.

For the Armin bits: Armin is heavily conflicted with the memories and information of Bertolt actually having a living relative. He never tells anyone else though since he wants to honor Bertolt’s and Pieck’s wish to keep it a secret between themselves, he also doesn’t think it’ll buy Bertolt any sympathy since she is also a titan shifter. This is also slight Jearmin lmao. The only time he cuts close to revealing Bert’s secret is when he’s with Jean after having a nightmare and seeing a memory with Pieck.

As for Pieck…..she straight up wants revenge against Zeke and Eren for Bert’s death, given that Zeke failed to bring him back and Eren (and Mikasa, but she doesn’t know that) was a driving reason for Armin inheriting Bert’s titan. She wants to kidnap Armin maybe?? Probably and maybe torture him a bit, but she soon realizes Armin is innocent and was an (partially)unwilling participant in his death so she decides to leave him alone but he later seeks her out.

I’m probably gonna make more parts to this lmao, ik nobody is reading all this but it’s literally impossible for me to post anything without context🫠🥲

[asherloki]

helloooo :)

i was wondering if u could write somthing about anderson disrespecting reader when they join cases with sherlock, but always behind their backs

but then sherlock hears and he starts (trying) to beat him up, and anderson puts up a good fight, however sherlock still wins

he goes home to 221B and reader is shocked asking who hurt him and what he did, but he doesn’t give away anything, and simply tell them not to worry about it. whilst reader is patching up his wounds, john comes back and starts saying how cool, dangerous and reckless beating up anderson for reader was and they’re just flustered and shocked, saying thank you to sherlock (maybe a first kiss scene?)

reader also gives anderson a piece of their mind - not because he disrespected them, because he beat up sherlock :)

tysm and ur work is amazing!!!!

Detective's doll

Bbc Sherlock x reader

Word count:- 840

A/n:- listen guys, just one or two fic will come this month, once October is here I'll be doing Halloween fics! I've shared some prompts do check! Fandoms you know, otherwise check my masterlist.

"you think I can help you with this case?" I enquired to Sherlock not believing he asked my help suddenly for a case. I've been fond of him since I moved in. He can seem cold, unfriendly, some people may describe him as arrogant as well. I was no exception, however living with him taught he's actually pretty lonely. Especially since john watson was married. Sometimes when he's working or sitting with his microscope he looks as pure as a child who just needs a hug. I do want to hug him tight sometimes but he's not very fond of touches innit? So I never dared.

"that's why I asked you, look this case includes information about victorian literature and by seeing your side of the bookshelf " he said pointing to our bookshelf, his side was filled with books about chemistry, science, anatomy and mine was filled with victorian classic novels, mostly, "I think you can help us with this".

"okay then" I must admit I was over the moon. A real life adventure was calling me, how could I not be thrilled.

In evening we went to Scotland yard, I felt excited about being able to help these men. Especially Sherlock, he introduced me to lestrade and informed him that I'll be joining their quest. His agreement confirmed my involvement before I went with him to his office to get some information about the case, I thought Sherlock was following me however I turned around to find out he was going to a different direction, he was walking towards Andersen. Perhaps he had business with him, but one question still lingered, he doesn't quite like Andersen that much.

When I came back with a folder in my hand which contained some information put inside, not in an organised way, I looked around for Sherlock, it seemed like he was gone, and for some reason people or I must say other officers there stared at me. I wondered why, maybe because I don't usually visit their office. Though their furrowed brows told some different story.

After I got to Baker Street I found the flat's door already open,

"Sherlock?" I called, to make sure it was him who opened the door, and not some break in, "is it you in there?" I walked in showing some bravery, trying to make least noise possible to find Sherlock struggling with the first aid box.

"gosh" I went closer to him and I gasped as I found out he had a cut along his cheek bone, and some more wounds accompanying "what the... what happened?"

"nothing" replied the detective, still trying to get the box open. I noticed his knuckles were hurt too as they were all red, it was the reason for his struggle with the first aid box. They were hurting him as he tried to open it.

"fine don't tell me" the only thing I couldn't bring myself to like about him was his habit of keeping things hidden, "do me a favour and sit" I wonder if my eyes reflected all the concern I felt for him. It may have, for he stared at me for a few seconds then obeyed without any objection. I took some medicine in cotton to apply over his cut.

"ow" he pulled away as the medicine on the wound felt like burn.

"I know it might hurt but please.." as I said and he nodded in agreement, it appeared to how much I fancied this moment, me taking care of him, even though he was hurt, and that was the part I disliked. I continued to do my job until John Watson came bursting in,

"oh gosh you're here, you did amazing" he seemed overjoyed and I bet I could see all his 32 teeth the way he smiled.

"let's not talk about it" said Sherlock softly. My confusion rose at this point, does john know what happened?

"no wait" I forbid him to interfere, "what happened john?"

"wait you don't know?" he asked in a way as if I'm the one who should be knowing this before others, although he was well aware how secretive his friend can be.

"how's mary? Is pregnancy bothering her?" Sherlock interrupted again, with his terrible skill of small talk.

"shhh" I hushed him "speak up John".

"Sherlock beat up Andersen" He spoke finally.

"he did what?"

"yes, because..."

"you said enough" Sherlock forbid him again.

"no he hasn't" I said, "because?" I turned to John.

"because Andersen said shit about you" John's words left his mouth and hit me, one because Andersen said something bad about me? but I never were mean to him even for once, why would he do that? and two, Sherlock beat him for that? For me?

"it wasn't just.." Sherlock started to say something, he was lacking excuses so he stuttered until I spoke,

"really?"

"yes, Andersen is beaten up terribly by him" replied john, "and you shouldn't bother about what he said".

That only meant it was very mean, "I'd still like to know"

"dumb doll of the detective" said Sherlock, "that's what he told you, you're dumb, a doll who's is controlled by me"

I gasped at this not knowing what to say.

"an opportunist" followed by a few seconds of quietness, "he said more but..."

It felt terrible, no wonder other words were far more worse that Sherlock couldn't bring himself to speak.

"anyway" John said breaking the silence. "I better go home, Mary might need me."

Waving us he went and left us wondering about the situation. I turned to Sherlock as I was yet to understand all those cuts and wounds he endured, were all to protect my image? To protect me from words? He knew then how sensitive I am under the cover of a strong person, "you fought him for me?"

He nodded in response, followed by the heavy exhale.

"and why?"

"because you don't deserve disrespect, and obviously not from someone like Andersen." he replied.

I don't know why but that moment I didn't care if he likes being touched or not instead I wrapped my arms around his neck and placed my chin on his head, sniffing his hair and realising his shampoo has a decent smell, no wonder his curls were like a soft pillow. It forced me to lean my cheek too with a smile that appeared on my lips, "you didn't have to, but thanks"

"no problem" he said taking my hand, and caressing it, as if it was an assurance, a promise that my palm was safe in his hand.

Next day Sherlock, john and I went to Scotland yard where I found the sight of beaten up Andersen, oh how... terrible honestly. I felt bad how wounded he was but atleast he'll think twice before disrespecting me, or anyone. Sherlock made sure of that.

"you guys go inside, I'll be with you in a minute" I said walking to Andersen, although Sherlock pulled me a little by my wrist to say,

"listen" Sherlock said, "don't put up a fight I did it already"

"I won't" we exchanged smiles and I went to catch Andersen,

"Andersen!" I called.

He looked horrified yet fuming at me he said, "you? what do you want?"

With some strength in my voice I stated, as politely as possible yet stern, "next time if want to say something, make sure it's on my face, but if you dare again, my detective will kill you, I'm his doll afterall, he won't let you play with me like that" then I went a little closer and replied in a hushed voice, "I'm his to love, his to keep, his to adore." This may haven't scared him but infuriated him even more, so I stepped backwards with a smile, now that my threat did it's job and walked away, just one more time I turned around to wave him, a mocking wave to be more clear, "see ya".

[dumping-ideas]

hihi!! i've been wondering whether tsukasa had known the sekai existed like wayy before the wxs main story (but he forgot abt it for some reason) idk mainly bc of the vs version of 88☆彡?? it really seemed like miku and kaito were singing to tsukasa (or younger tsukasa) maybe the sekai had been formed when tsukasa was only a child when he was suffering from loneliness and kaito and miku kept him company then!! just wanna hear your thoughts (,, . ̫. ,,)

I'm sorry for the late reply! (/□＼*)

AND THANK YOU FOR THE OPPORTUNITY TO LET ME GUSH ABOUT 88☆彡!!!

Nothing has been confirmed about when a sekai is created (including wonderland sekai), but it's a popular fancanon in both EN and JP fandom (that I also agree with) that wonderland sekai is created since Tsukasa was young. And 88☆彡 is also added as another evidence like you said. And I also agree that they want to snuggle the lonely Tsukasa with warmth just like Tsukasa did with Saki and Toya (and later on WxS)

Anyway, I agree with you that 88☆彡 is a song from WxS!Miku and WxS!KAITO for Tsukasa, both the younger and older him (because I think Tsukasa still had some "habits" from his childhood). Well, my headcanon is WxS!Miku is the imaginary childhood friend, a cheerful and fun big sister to cheer up young Tsukasa. When Saki's hospitalization keep getting longer and Tsukasa felt the absence of their parents more (specifically middle school), WxS!KAITO appeared as the imaginary adult proxy, a gentle and dependable big brother that young Tsukasa admired to be (because WxS!KAITO appeared at the half-end of the song).

The shot of Miku standing alone before a lone piano and empty theater hall in the beginning is shown with the lyrics of "You smile/laugh". It kinda feels like Miku is seeing the old lonely Tsukasa, isn't it? I think I have written in this blog before how the piano is a symbolism/metaphor of the loneliness and sadness Tsukasa felt. And just like Tsukasa, Miku is the "pierrot" who never wavers to make everyone smile. Even if there was no one to hear her music, she could keep smiling.

Another shot of the VS' backs, but this time Miku isn't alone! It feels like with age and experience, Tsukasa's world has expanded. And with it, another VS appears--KAITO, the troupe leader that embodies who Tsukasa wants to be. The lyrics "This isn't enough, right?"/"Of course, it's not." / "He can go further, right?" Just feels like the both of them have a conversation that wonderland sekai will keep expanding and they'll be watching over it with anticipation.

But the piano is still standing alone in an empty theater hall, so Miku the pierrot brought KAITO the chairman to that place. Now we see KAITO to be the one to play that piano, to fill the emptiness and the silence just like Miku did. The older Tsukasa didn't want nor need Miku's childish tricks anymore to cheer him up anymore. He needed guidance and advice from a reliable older figure to move forward towards his dream. The stage is brighter, yet the seats are still empty like it was before. While we were shown how Miku smiled when she heard KAITO's, KAITO's face wasn't shown here, unlike Miku. I wonder if he could smile as well... What did he feel about the hidden loneliness and melancholy? KAITO embodies Tsukasa's feeling to keep moving forward, so I wonder...

When we see his expression when he's playing the piano, he's smiling. However, the piano isn't in the dark theater hall anymore--it's in the middle of the colorful world that was born from Tsukasa's feelings. In Dazzling Stage, Tsukasa remembered his how lonely and sad he felt, yet he brought out those feelings to be able to reach for his dreams. No wonder we can see KAITO smiling here. He's happy that Tsukasa's loneliness isn't tucked away somewhere no one could see anymore. Tsukasa has grown enough to realize that he needed those feelings in his world.

And then this sequence appeared.

All this time, Miku is always shown to be smiling. Whether she's alone, with KAITO, or seeing how the balloons fly freely to the sky, there's always a smile on her face. Yet the only time she's not smiling, the time her "pierrot" act breaks is because she's surprised that something that she's been "waiting for" finally "makes an appearance". And then she smiles again. There's always a fragile happiness to her smiles all throughout the MV, but her smile at the end is at first gentle, carrying a feeling of "he'll be okay", and then joy as she reached out her hand for the sun and the bright future now that those loneliness and pain are freed from isolation.

Just compare that sequence and the sequence with the same lyrics.

She smiles when she knows whoever she has been waiting for makes an appearance, but the shot is kinda blurry---not everything has been in the open yet. The future was still filled with so much uncertainty. After all, she and the piano are still alone in that theater hall. But it's fine. When she opens her eyes, the shot isn't blurry anymore. She's the pierrot, so she can keep smiling even though the light that she reached out for were artificial... Only an imitation of the brightness of a blue sky.

...But talking about WxS!Miku song and its relations to Tsukasa, did you know about the the songs in SEKAI no Oto? Showtime x Audience is the WxS!Miku's image song and there are some interesting lines in it that maybe kinda hinted that Wonderland SEKAI has been around for a lot longer, one of them are the 2nd chorus (with a kinda rough translation):

最初っから全部わかってたのに　思い知らされて (Even though [I] know from the beginning, [I was] reminded)

一緒に面白がってくれた友達も　“卒業”して居なくなった ([of] the friends who shared their fun together and has "graduated" and gone too)

続けることが一番難しくて　諦めたこと、たくさんあるよ ([I] have given up on a lot of things because keep going on is the most difficult [thing] to do)

後悔する時間もないステージだ (This is a stage where there is no time for regret)

It's a song about Tsukasa obviously, which I think span across from before the main story to Sky's Edge/Phoenix, but what of the friends who "graduated" and gone? Thinking of the song, this part is probably related to Dazzling Stage, and we know that it's the closest event where we know (a part) of Tsukasa's struggle in the past.

Most likely the things that Tsukasa used to make a show for Saki. I still didn't understand how he "had given up a lof of things to keep moving forward", but maybe because remembering them too much is painful?

Some of the things in that sekai are the things Tsukasa had forgotten about like Usa-chan, some of the posters, and most notably the song the flowers like to sing that KAITO had said to be important for Tsukasa but when Nene asked him he said he didn't remember. He did remember some things, but there are also things that he had no clue about. So where did his strong feelings are related to those things came from? Well, the most probable answer is his childhood.

He was surprised at first when he remembered Usa-chan, but when he remembered some of the things in sekai he didn't look and sound surprised anymore, he was... upset? Definitely an unusual reaction. But it also tracks with the next line about how he "didn't have time for regret". It somehow tracks with how he forgot how lonely and sad he felt back in middle school and focused on wishing Saki to get well soon and cheering her up. He "gave up" on feeling lonely (among many things) so he could keep moving forward. Maybe the items in his sekai are related to those he need to discard to be able to presevere back in middle school.

L/N still remembered how some of the items in their SEKAI are related to their fond childhood memories together, so no wonder those items were there in Classroom SEKAI. But Tsukasa didn't. The most likely thing is that young Tsukasa cherished those things so much so they appeared in wonderland SEKAI but as he got older he forgot about them. The older Tsukasa clearly didn't have strong feelings for them anymore, so it's unlikely those items just appeared when he's a high schooler.

(My headcanon is that the plushies and other items/song keep Tsukasa company, but because those things reminded him of the lack of Saki & their parents at home he decided to throw/put them away to be forgotten. Or maybe there was a big cleaning time before Saki was discharged from her long-term hospitalization and Tsukasa threw them away cause they're old and might compromised Saki's health no matter how fond he was to them. Or maybe they are somehow related to bad memories at the end like maybe Tsukasa thought Saki was forcing herself to smile when he performed for her with thoae items and he felt like a huge failure because of it.)

.....and I'm rambling again lol.

So, yeah! SekaHaji, 88☆彡, and now Showtime x Audience kinda hinted that maybe, just maybe, Wonderland SEKAI is the oldest SEKAI (while the newest one might be Street SEKAI because they need Kohane to gain access/complete it).

[robininthelabyrinth]

The Other Mountain - ao3 - Chapter 17

Pairing: Lan Qiren/Wen Ruohan

Warning Tags on Ao3

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The worst of it was how little it changed anything.

Lan Qiren had always been afraid – justly, in his view – of matters of the heart. Even before his brother’s mad infatuation with He Kexin, which had ruined so many things, Lan Qiren had read the stories of his sect founder’s great love with trepidation rather than anticipation. And later, when his brother had seemingly lost his mind in pursuit of love, all his old fears had been confirmed. He had at times woken at night in a sweat, shaking off dreams of being endlessly chased by the strange madness called love that seemed to possess those of his family.

Avoiding that insanity, that dire fate, had been the only relief to the disappointing and often unfulfilling emptiness of the life he’d ended up with: a lonely life, with scarcely any friends and certainly nothing more, giving all his love to his sect and then to his nephews. It was no less consuming a love, of course, but it felt a little more abstract, a little more normal.

A little more head and a little less heart… It had seemed safer, somehow.

Well, that great curse and blessing of the Gusu Lan bloodline might have taken its time, might have dawdled and dragged its feet and taken the long way around, but it had found its way to Lan Qiren at last. At long last, he could stand side-by-side with his brother and his father and his ancestors, know that awful truth they had each discovered in their own way, in their own time.

It was a terrible thing to be in love.

Lan Qiren burned.

He was angry, of course. How could he not be angry? He had only just discovered who his heart belonged to, then immediately after learned that his affection was not returned in equal measure: his love had betrayed him, his lover had demanded his pain and misery, his beloved had not even given him a chance to explain – and all over what must surely have been some sort of misunderstanding! All Lan Qiren had done since their return to the Nightless City was go to his room to wash and change his clothes, settle down to play a few notes, and then get called away by a message asking him to meet Wen Ruohan down in the Fire Palace, which he had assumed was for some variation on the usual reason. There simply wasn’t any time for him to have done something deserving of such a rebuke. Assuming there was anything he could have done that could justify ordering him to be tortured, which he doubted.

Of course Lan Qiren was angry.

He just wished he was only angry.

What does he think that I did? he wondered, again and again. He was unable to stop picking at the thought like a child would a scab, his usual serenity and self-possession nowhere in evidence. What is it that put that look on his face, that sound in his voice? Wen Ruohan thinks himself above matters like pain, yet someone has hurt him, and worse, hurt him through me.

Someone did this to him – and I cannot warn him of the danger!

Lan Qiren wasn’t stupid. He had received a message asking him to come down to the Fire Palace, a message which to all appearances had come from Wen Ruohan, and yet moments after he had arrived Wen Ruohan had found him there and been aghast, very obviously having been primed to make some sort of deduction that Lan Qiren couldn’t begin to guess… It was obviously a set-up. Someone had played them both, taking advantage of the fact that they felt safe enough inside the Nightless City to let down their guard, and used the chance to deliberately sow discord between them.

Lan Qiren could even guess at the source: it was his brother, of course.

It was almost appallingly repetitive of what he’d tried his hand at when they were at the Lotus Pier, which suggested that he’d already had the idea of framing someone for something on his mind at the time. And if that was the case, then it was plain enough to see that this stratagem must be his handiwork. Anyway, looking at it from his brother’s perspective, why not frame Lan Qiren? He still did not know why his brother hated him so much, but it was clear that he did. Hated him enough that he would never be able to tolerate seeing him happy…

But that wasn’t what worried Lan Qiren. Instead, what concerned him was figuring out the means his brother had used to convince Wen Ruohan that Lan Qiren had betrayed him, figuring out how long the plan had been in place and above all, most critically, the final goal that his brother was working towards.

The exact mechanics of what must have happened were not difficult to deduce. It was obvious that some spy must be involved, probably even multiple spies, feeding in incorrect information at exactly the right time, each one compounding on the other in quick succession, quickly enough to make mere supposition seem like unshakeable fact to the fevered and distressed mind. Yet that was precisely the problem! The Lan sect, under Lan Qiren’s guidance, had not used spies. Even if his brother took a different approach, there were none available for him to utilize, and a few months was far too quick to place them effectively. How could he have managed to extend his influence so deep into the Nightless City within such a short time?

Wen Ruohan was a notorious paranoiac, who trusted no one – for him to believe some lie, it must have come from someone with whom he was familiar, someone who had been with him for long enough and who had sufficient devotion (or at minimum coordinated self-interest) that he would not automatically question their word the way he did just about everyone else’s. If there was a spy involved, they must have been very deeply planted.

But that only raised more concerns: even if Lan Qiren’s brother had managed to buy a spy off of someone else – Jin Guangshan, perhaps, given the strangeness of his behavior at the discussion conference – then why would he choose to burn such a valuable spy so quickly? For surely it was inevitable that Wen Ruohan would eventually discover the lie, even if he might not figure it out soon enough to save Lan Qiren, and once he did, that would be the end of all peace. Wen Ruohan would retaliate, as sure as the sun rose up in the sky every day, and his retaliation would be devastating; his pride would permit nothing less. And in any true contest between the Wen sect and the Lan sect, the Lan sect would invariably come out the loser…

Why would Lan Qiren’s brother risk such a thing? What purpose could possibly justify such a risk? And of course, what would the possible consequences be to Wen Ruohan?

There was a certain indignity about being unable to stop worrying about Wen Ruohan when the man had literally just given the order to have him tortured, yet Lan Qiren couldn’t seem to stop.

Being sent to the Fire Palace was not enough to make him stop. It was a disappointment, of course, but not, Lan Qiren acknowledged wryly to himself, entirely a surprise. He had known what he was getting into, after all, when he had made his vows to a man known for both his tyranny and his love of torture, and decided to keep those vows in his heart as well as his head.

It was not unlike a man making a pet of a tiger, for a tiger no matter how seemingly docile it grew would always be wild, always a tiger rather than a cat – if the man then gathered the tiger into his arms, he could not then expect to complain if and when the tiger inevitably bit him. Lan Qiren was precisely that man, and yet…yet he did not regret it. It had not been his choice to marry Wen Ruohan in the first place, and certainly falling in love with him had been unintentional. But he had married, and he had fallen, and there wasn’t a single one of his actions that he would have done differently. And that meant that there was no point in complaining.

Perhaps that was why his primary worry was not for himself, since he was confident in his ability to endure until Wen Ruohan escaped the trap that had been set for him, but for Wen Ruohan.

And oh, but he was worried.

This trap was too well-designed, too well-thought-out! The true target of the trap could not have been Lan Qiren’s life, or his happiness, or anything of the sort; the true target must have been Wen Ruohan, with his arrogance and his well-known paranoia. The pieces must have been put into place long before; Lan Qiren had likely become the focus of the plot after his importance to Wen Ruohan had become apparent, but the plan must have existed first.

That meant the goal could not merely be Lan Qiren’s pain, but some other consequence.

He kept turning it over and over in his mind, wracking his brain to try to figure out what it could be. Political consequences, perhaps, or personal consequences – though an attempt on Wen Ruohan’s life was surely improbable, given how ridiculously powerful he was – and perhaps even emotional consequences…though maybe that last one was just Lan Qiren flattering himself, thinking that Wen Ruohan’s obvious agony and over-the-top reaction to Lan Qiren’s perceived betrayal might suggest that his affections were in fact in some way requited, though likely in some unconscious and even unwilling manner.

But if it were true…if Wen Ruohan really did love him back…

If that were the case, Lan Qiren’s injury or even death in the Fire Palace, upon Wen Ruohan’s orders, before Wen Ruohan had the chance to find out that he had been deceived – it would devastate him.

Also, Lan Qiren would be dead, which seemed also relevant but somehow less important.

Being in love was ridiculous.

(Lan Qiren burned.)

Falling in love had come upon him abruptly and found him unprepared. Oddly enough, it was not entirely unlike the experience of becoming a parent, or at least the way it had happened to Lan Qiren, suddenly and without notice. All at once he found himself burdened with an inseverable connection to another human being, burdened with the need to care for them and worry for them, and burdened above all with a wide array of confusing and conflicting feelings about the whole business. Joy and pain were intermingled, fear and anticipation equivalent…and the most horrifying bit about it was that Lan Qiren knew that, for him, it was permanent.

His love had always been wholly irreversible, wholly unconditional.

That was just the way their Lan sect was, he supposed, each of them cursed with a sense of devotion that bordered on the obsessive. From the very first moment he’d realized that what he felt for Wen Ruohan was love, he’d known that he would love Wen Ruohan for the rest of his life.

It was one thing to know that he would never marry another, which Lan Qiren had accepted when he voluntarily took his bows to Wen Ruohan. He might have told himself that it would be better to try to fall in love with him lest he yield up the chance for love in this lifetime, but he hadn’t really meant it, not really. Lan Qiren had planned to make the best of things, hoped to reach a reasonable détente and assumed, once that was obtained, that it was all that he would be able to get. He’d thought that he had been content with that, that he would remain content with that.

He hadn’t been prepared to actually fall in love.

He hadn’t been prepared for the way his whole world had shifted on its axis to accommodate another point of orbit, the way it had for each of his nephews. He hadn’t been prepared for the fact that now that it had happened, it meant that no matter how Wen Ruohan disappointed him, whether now or in the future, he was in Lan Qiren’s heart, and there he would remain, forever.

Even if one day Lan Qiren stopped liking the man – and when he had started liking him, he had no idea, could not name the exact moment when Wen Ruohan’s arrogance and narcissism and, yes, even bloodthirstiness had stopped generating feelings of revulsion and started generating feelings of resigned fondness – even then, the love would still be there. Even if Wen Ruohan one day became something that Lan Qiren could not forgive, even if he continued down the dark and dangerous path he was walking and lost himself, becoming in truth the monstrous madman he so often liked to pretend to the world that he already was, the one he so obviously feared becoming in truth…even then, Lan Qiren would still love the man that had once existed, if only in his memories.

Even now, after what he’d done.

Even here.

The guards that had surrounded Lan Qiren at Wen Ruohan’s order had at least spared him the mortification of being immediately seized and dragged off unwillingly. If anything, they had looked dreadfully awkward, torn between their duty to follow their sect leader’s orders and their quite evident conviction, shared by Lan Qiren, that Wen Ruohan was eventually going to regret giving those orders and seek vengeance against those that actually did what he’d told them to do. In deference to the situation and to spare them the trouble, Lan Qiren had indicated that he would go along willingly.

He was starting to regret that.

The two torturers that entered the room once he’d been tied down to an ominous-looking chair had also been conflicted, albeit in a different fashion. One wrinkled his nose as if smelling something foul and said, “This is exactly the sort of thing that old bastard He Zhong is always complaining about. He’ll probably say it’s more trouble than it’s worth to ply our trade on the sect leader’s wife.”

“His husband,” Lan Qiren corrected him.

They ignored him.

The second man grinned a nasty sort of grin. “That’s true. And he’s probably right. On the other hand: when’s the next time we’ll get a chance to play with someone that recently graced our sect leader’s bed? It’s a far way to fall, going straight from heaven to hell.”

After a moment of thought, the first man, with eyes hungry like a wolf, had agreed.

The next interlude of time was one that Lan Qiren would have very much liked to erase from his memories.

Given the strict discipline of the Lan sect, he’d thought himself relatively inured to pain, and perhaps somewhat more than that. Certainly he had been confident enough in his resistance to offer himself up to Wen Ruohan, and he would be lying if he tried to claim that he’d done it exclusively for the joy it had brought Wen Ruohan, though that had been the primary reason. Wen Ruohan had hurt him, yes, but he’d soothed him after, too, a careful balance of intense sensation and emotional satiation, and that had made it enjoyable enough in and of itself, a pleasant self-discovery. Before the two torturers began their work, Lan Qiren had even, in what was retrospectively a breach of Do not be arrogant and complacent, been briefly worried that his memory of that event, mutually enjoyable, would be tainted by this travesty.

As it turned out, he needn’t have worried. The experiences were in no way comparable.

Lan Qiren spent what time of it that he could in contemplation, seeking as much as possible to divorce the turmoil of his mind from the pain of his body. It would have been easier if he could have spent the entire time cursing Wen Ruohan’s name for what was being done to him, but no, he was apparently too foolish for that. Perhaps it was just that he had so quickly realized that Wen Ruohan had been tricked, or perhaps it was his conviction, however absurd, that Wen Ruohan would quickly grow to regret what he had done once he'd realized what had happened…

Or maybe he really had simply lost his mind along with his heart, doomed by his inheritance of the immovable Lan sect love, the blessing of constancy in good times and the curse of obsession in bad.

He will regret this, he thought to himself when they tore off the nails from the two smallest fingers of one hand. His regret will break through that shell of apathy and indifference he wraps around himself as a shield, and once broken, he will hate himself for what he has done, for he will be able to blame no other. But his self-absorption cannot permit self-hatred, so he will reject that feeling and turn further towards indifference, seeking oblivion as a remedy, when in fact it is only a poison that will drive him further into madness…I wonder if that was what went wrong between him and Lao Nie? If so, it is good that they have not yet reached the point of no return.

Ah, Qiren, do not lie to yourself. That is good for you, too, is it not? Now that you yourself have reached that point of no return, you are equally uninclined to share what is yours.

Even when it burns you.

And that was the real problem, wasn’t it?

Lan Qiren had always been so steady, so unmoved, in comparison to all his peers. All his innate inclinations tended naturally towards the ascetic, even before you added in his lack of instinctive lust towards others. He had never really struggled with the temptations that bothered many of his kinsmen; he was neither glutinous nor greedy, treating food as a fuel and power as a burden, and although he appreciated beautiful things, his dislike of change meant that he was content with what he already had. Even his longing for freedom had been only a dream denied.

No longer.

For the first time, Lan Qiren burned.

His love for Wen Ruohan was like an ember still hot from the flame, and yet Lan Qiren cradled it within his hands, willingly letting himself be scorched if only he could hold it a little while longer. He feared death more for what it would do to those he loved, his nephews as well as his beloved, than for his own sake, and he spent his time in foolish worries about what his brother had planned, what it would cost Wen Ruohan, how it would damage his nephews, rather than concerning himself over what cost might be extracted from him in the process.

It was in some ways exactly what he had feared most after everything that had happened with his brother and his own doomed love…and yet in other ways it was not similar at all. Lan Qiren had seen his brother’s self-destruction and feared losing himself to his love, treating it like a wild fever that would burn out all the things he cared about most. He’d feared becoming only a shell that bore his name, a man with nothing in his heart but another person’s name, willing to look the other way over anything at all, no matter how wrong, as long as it was his beloved.

It wasn’t like that, though.

Wen Ruohan had wronged him, yes, but Lan Qiren understood what had happened, this time, and that understanding dampened his anger. He knew that he had been framed; he knew that he had not been believed, even where he would have extended Wen Ruohan the same grace – had extended it, when it had been Wen Ruohan who had been questioned and suspected. But he also knew that Wen Ruohan was far more wary than he was, that he had been betrayed time and time again until he had wrongly thought himself numb to it, and he understood why Wen Ruohan might not yet be able to trust him in return. Under the circumstances, provided that Wen Ruohan realized his error and was willing to repent, he would be willing to forgive…eventually, anyway. Lan Qiren followed his sect in believing that punishment was as essential to the resolution of an issue as acknowledgment of wrongdoing.

More critically, though, was that Wen Ruohan had wronged only him, not others, and that meant it was in Lan Qiren’s hands to decide how he felt and what he did about it. But when he thought matters over, seeking solace in reflection as a means of escape from the hands of his torturers, he found that he still had lines that he would not permit to be crossed. There were things he could not imagine doing, things he would not do, unshaken principles and rules that were as essential to the being he was as the breath that filled his lungs. And there werethings that he could imagine Wen Ruohan doing, some that were even quite plausible and realistic, that would be that step too far, things that Lan Qiren knew in his heart that he would not be able to forgive.

If Wen Ruohan ever did something Lan Qiren could not understand, if he ever wronged the world or acted in a manner that was wholly and indefensibly malicious, then Lan Qiren would be the first to condemn him, no matter how much pain it caused him. His love for Wen Ruohan might lead him to try to blunt the worst of the punishment that would be due for whatever act it was, but Lan Qiren was simply too rigid, too inflexible, too tied to his rules and beliefs as to what made a good person – if he believed Wen Ruohan was in the wrong, truly in the wrong, he would never be willing to stand aside and look the other way.

Just as he wouldn’t look away if it was his nephews that did wrong, no matter how it broke his heart.

Just as he wouldn’t if it was his sect, if it came to that.

Lan Qiren was still himself. He was just in love.

The realization was like a sudden wash of clarity, as brisk and shocking as the ice water his torturers held his head under – far from the worst thing, for a Lan accustomed to cultivating in the Cold Spring, though done in a manner that rendered it both humiliating and grotesquely unpleasant – and the shock of the sudden understanding stunned him. Because if Lan Qiren was in love, as deeply and passionately as any Lan that came before him, and yet retained the essential nature of who he was and what he stood for, that meant that the same must be true for his brother.

Lan Qiren had spent so long being afraid of love because he blamed it for what his brother had done. But it wasn’t love. It wasn’t even He Kexin.

It was his brother.

Every single choice his brother had ever made had been his own.

It wasn’t as though Lan Qiren hadn’t already hated his brother – he’d given up on denying that already – but it still came as a relief to have it reconfirmed that he had been right. He’d been right when he’d been angry, when he’d thought his brother selfish, when he’d blamed him for all his decisions. For so long he had tried to blame He Kexin instead, because it was easier than admitting the truth, but even then he’d known in his heart that it was really his brother’s fault. Whether it had been at the start, when he'd stutteringly offered to bar his brother from He Kexin’s door, forcefully parting husband from wife in a manner that would have been scandalous in any sect and was far more so in the Lan sect with its heavy-handed conservatism and passionate devotion both, or later, when his frustration with her endless punishment had led him to offer to break his sect rules to see her free, an offer no less sincere for the fact that she had refused it…

Truly, if there was one thing Lan Qiren regretted, it was that he could not have done more for He Kexin. He didn’t know what more he could have done, but she’d deserved better than the ending she’d gotten, dying alone like that, at her own hand, her body left on the floor for him to find.

He should have realized, somehow, that she was reaching her limit, that seclusion had become too much for her…it was no excuse to tell himself that she hadn’t shown any signs in those last few months that might have given him notice, even though it was true. She’d been neither happier nor sadder than usual, with no words that in hindsight turned out to be meaningful, nothing like that. Their last conversation on a subject other than his nephews had been about a book of trite poetry that he’d thought was absolutely ghastly and which she’d informed him, with a smirk, that she’d found delightfully charming. He couldn’t have guessed that she would take her own life, but he still felt that he should have guessed – that he should have stopped it, somehow.

Somehow.

Perhaps it was only that Lan Qiren was reviving all his old ghosts, both ancient and new, as a means of distracting himself, but it just so happened that he was thinking about He Kexin when a man he did not recognize but who had a face that strongly resembled hers threw open the door to the room he was in and stormed in, glaring. “What are you doing?” he snapped, and the nasal twang of his accent was similar to hers, too. “Stop this instant! The Sect Leader will have your heads for what you’ve done!”

“We’re the ones following instructions, He Zhong, not you,” one of the torturers said snidely. “The Sect Leader was the one who gave the order – ”

“Duan Rong, you think the rest of us are willing to suffer just because you can’t control your thirst for blood?” the man, He Zhong, roared. “We all know Wu Zuo’s a lost cause, but you know better. Haven’t you ever heard of a marital dispute? You know, the sort that gets resolved after a bit of shouting? When the Sect Leader finds out that you took him seriously…ah, look at what you’ve done! Couldn’t you bastards at least have taken it easy on him?!”

“We did take it easy,” the second torturer, presumably Wu Zuo, said. “He’s barely even screamed.”

He sounded petulant about it, as if Lan Qiren had wronged him.

“Get him out of that damn machine this instant,” He Zhong said, and Lan Qiren couldn’t help but exhale sobbingly in relief when Duan Rong begrudgingly released the cords that were currently binding his ankle. He hadn’t quite been able to tell through the white-hot sear of agony exactly what the machine had been doing, only that it had been highly unpleasant, sending wave after wave of pain radiating through his entire body, and also that he would more than likely need some time before he could once again balance his weight on that foot. “Now get out.”

They got out.

Lan Qiren watched the entire thing happen with a sense of unreality. He’d disconnected so much from his body that he couldn’t get back in tune with it right away; everything seemed distant and fake, as if it were happening to someone else through a thick screen that muted both sound and sensation.

He Zhong stomped over to where he was tied down, muttering curses to himself as he undid the shackles and not-so-gently pulled Lan Qiren back to a sitting position, which at least helped bring Lan Qiren a little back to himself.

“Not good, but could be worse, I suppose,” he grumbled, examining him. “No missing bits, as far as I can tell, your face is mostly untouched, and at least they didn’t cut your hair. Did they break anything while they were beating you?”

Lan Qiren automatically shook his head, winced at how dizzy the motion made him, then hesitated, thinking back. They’d started out by what they called “softening him up”, by which they meant hitting him all over, in all the soft spots that were easy to damage. “Perhaps a cracked rib, and maybe two of my fingers,” he said after a brief review. “But the latter were broken only a few months ago, so for them to break again is not a surprise.”

He Zhong grunted, then pointed to his wrist. “How’d they manage that one? That’s the only bit worth noting, everything else is as unimaginative as you can get.”

“…that was with me when I arrived.”

“Typical.”

Lan Qiren decided not to comment. “I am also unsure of what they did to my ankle.”

“You don’t want to know.” That was unhelpful. “Get up, I’ll help you walk over to a cell where you can rest. Wu Zuo and those other bastards won’t dare pester you while I’m on duty.”

He held out his hands, but Lan Qiren didn’t take him up on the offer.

Instead, he asked, as politely as he could, “The others called you He Zhong, did they not? Are you by any chance acquainted with a lady by the name of He Kexin?”

He Zhong froze.

He had already been scowling, but now the scowl deepened.

Lan Qiren decided that that probably meant yes. “I was under the impression that she had no living family,” he explained, “but your face strongly resembles – ”

“The fact that I don’t want the Sect Leader to come fuck us all up for laying a hand on you doesn’t mean you’re immune from being hurt,” He Zhong interrupted, his voice hard, and aggressively put his face in front of Lan Qiren’s to try to force the direct eye contact that Lan Qiren avoided out of habit. “Duan Rong, Wu Zuo, they’re idiots. You don’t need pain to hurt a Lan… I strongly suggest you shut up.”

He pointedly put his hand right over Lan Qiren’s face, hovering over his forehead ribbon with only a small space separating them. Lan Qiren instinctively recoiled from the implication that someone foreign to him might touch it – which, he supposed, proved He Zhong’s point.

Nevertheless, he gritted his teeth and persisted, having failed He Kexin enough in life that he wasn’t inclined to do so now in death. “He Kexin died recently. Her family should have the right to give offerings – ”

He Zhong tore off Lan Qiren’s forehead ribbon.

Lan Qiren had one moment of severe light-headedness, his ears suddenly ringing with some sort of high-pitched noise – that’s wrong, that’s against the rules, you can’t do that, it’s not allowed! – and then he blinked, finding that he somehow had his forehead ribbon back in his hands and was already going through the usual motions of putting it back into place on his head. Also, his forehead hurt, and He Zhong was sitting on the floor clutching his now-bleeding nose.

“You just bashed your skull against my face, if that confused look of yours means you were wondering,” He Zhong said conversationally, pinching his nose shut. He didn’t seem any angrier than he had been before, and possibly even a little less. “Must admit, I didn’t see that one coming. Why isn’t your cultivation sealed? Didn’t the guards do it when bringing you here?”

“No one said it was necessary,” Lan Qiren said hesitantly, abruptly swamped by that too-familiar feeling of having made some sort of social misstep. Had he somehow managed to mess up being tortured? Was such a thing even possible? “And no, the guards simply escorted me.”

“Escorted you. Are you saying you just walked into the Fire Palace of your own volition? And then, what, you sat down and let them tie you up?”

That made it sound stupid.

“The guards were only following orders,” Lan Qiren said defensively. “They did not deserve to end up in trouble due to my actions. You pointed it out yourself, Wen Ruohan will likely be angry later, should he come to regret what happened, and when he does, he is likely to act irrationally. Why risk the suffering of innocent bystanders in the inevitable temper tantrum?”

He Zhong stared at him silently for a long few moments.

“All right,” he said eventually. “Fine. He Kexin was my cousin.”

Lan Qiren stared at him blankly for a moment, his brain a bit too tired to follow the twists and turns of the conversation, but after a little while He Zhong’s words finally landed and he stumbled up to his feet to try to salute the other man. Only he hadn’t reckoned with his ankle, which gave out at once, and he stumbled again before finally righting himself on the other one with a force of will.

“Then you and I are kin through marriage,” he said, bowing and wincing when he noticed how bloody his fingers were. He hoped he hadn’t inadvertently left fingermarks on his forehead ribbon, there was a punishment for dirtying it. “He Kexin was my sister-in-law.”

“Sit down before you do something even worse to that foot of yours,” He Zhong said grumpily. “I’m still processing you daring to say that the Sect Leader was going to have a temper tantrum, I can’t handle the idea of being related to him, even indirectly.”

That sounded reasonable. Lan Qiren considered his options for sitting – the chair he’d been being tortured in and the floor – and opted for the latter.

By which he meant that he untensed a tiny bit and abruptly collapsed in an ungainly heap, as if he were a puppet whose strings had all been cut. Everything hurt, and not in the pleasantly righteous sort of way that it did after he’d completed discipline according to his sect rules.

“She told me there was no one in her family still alive,” he said, and was embarrassed when it came out sounding plaintive. “I had not realized she lied.”

He supposed he’d thought that He Kexin wouldn’t lie to him. Stupid, of course. Who wouldn’t lie to their jailor?

Well, Lan Qiren wouldn’t, but that was because do not tell lies was a rule. And rules, like Lan Qiren, did not change under different circumstances.

He Zhong grunted uncomfortably. “Pretty sure she probably thought I really was dead, and even if she knew I wasn’t, it wouldn’t have changed anything. I wasn’t going to go visit her.”

“I would have permitted it, if you had.”

Maybe He Kexin wouldn’t have killed herself if she’d still had family around, or someone she could actually consider family. Lan Qiren certainly didn’t consider himself to qualify, for all that they’d eventually started treating each other in a manner not dissimilar to those cousins at family festivals that you didn’t especially like but had no choice but to tolerate.

(As a member of a Great Sect, and one who’d temporarily held the post of Sect Leader, Lan Qiren had a great many of those, all of whom wanted for one reason or another of their own to talk to him. Not having to deal with those gatherings was certainly one advantage about the Nightless City, he supposed – though perhaps it was debatable whether having an excuse to escape social torture was enough to outweigh the risk of literal torture.)

“Doesn’t change the fact that I wasn’t going to go.” He Zhong shrugged. “We parted on bad terms. I told her she wasn’t any family of mine, that I never wanted to see her face again, and that I hoped she’d be found dead in a ditch somewhere.”

Lan Qiren gaped, aghast, but that only made He Zhong laugh.

“I meant it, too,” he said, unexpectedly in a better mood than before. “She fucked up everything for me when she took that job…though I admit you saying she married a Lan was pretty unexpected. Gusu Lan, really? He Kexin?”

“Yes, she married my brother. It was not widely publicized, but – ” Lan Qiren frowned, abruptly distracted by something unusual He Zhong had said. “Job? He Kexin took some sort of job? What job? Are you referring to a night-hunt?”

“A night-hunt? No, of course not.” Now it was He Zhong who was frowning at him. “Why would you think she was night-hunting?”

After a lifetime of badly stunted social skills and ten years of having no choice but to play politics, Lan Qiren had painstakingly developed the ability to detect when he’d missed or misread something, or alternatively when he had been deceived. Every single one of those internal alarms was now singing at full volume.

“I had been informed that she was a rogue cultivator,” he said, very carefully. “And that my brother had met her while she was night-hunting in the Chuzhou region with some friends. However, it is possible that I heard – incorrectly. Or perhaps that assumptions were made that should not have been made.”

Lan Qiren was not unaware that his sect placed great weight on matters of ancestry and propriety. To put it in simpler terms, they were all tremendous snobs.

He had run into that trouble himself when he’d first started welcoming outsiders to his classes, with the sect elders lecturing him for days the first time he’d brought in someone from a sect they considered too minor to be worthy of attention, or the few times he’d agreed to take an especially promising outside disciple (or worse, a servant’s son) as one of his students. And if that snobbery applied to Lan Qiren’s classes, which were considered little more than a bizarre but ultimately insignificant hobby, then it was triply true when it came to matters of marriage. His brother had faced an uphill battle over his courtship of He Kexin with the sect elders to begin with – some of them had been extremely against it – and that had been when he’d said that she was a rogue cultivator that was night-hunting for fun, implying without saying that she was both well-born and well-off. Lan Qiren couldn’t even begin to imagine the trouble he might have had if he’d admitted she was anything else.

“I’m pretty sure the only friends Kexin had in that area were the bastards that got her the job in the first place, and you’re better off dead than with friends like that,” He Zhong remarked. “The rest of our family got executed years ago for supporting the wrong side in some internal strife, so it was just her and me left over, but we both still had that bad luck sticking to us. Kexin had more of it than me, though. She always did have a way of attracting and then encouraging the notice of bad people.”

Lan Qiren grimaced, wondering if his brother counted in that category or if he was just being prejudiced.

“Did she really die?” He Zhong asked. He seemed only mildly curious at best, which was a bit disappointing, but then again Lan Qiren supposed they had been genuinely estranged. “I always thought she’d find a way to survive no matter what.”

Lan Qiren privately agreed. Right up until the moment he had found her dead, he would have confidently asserted that He Kexin was stubborn enough to outlast granite.

(He’d always maintained that Wangji took after her in that respect, and she’d always retorted that he was the one Wangji resembled there. Neither of them had ever conceded so much as a hair on the subject, which…probably said something about both of them. At minimum, it suggested that Xichen’s peaceful and conciliatory tendencies must have come from a different place than either of them.)

Lan Qiren sighed and scrubbed his face with his hands, then remembered a moment too late that his hands were still sticky with blood, pulling them away again quickly. He wasn’t sure at this point if the blood was from his fingers or from his head or from somewhere else.

“All right, time to go to your cell,” He Zhong said, standing up and pulling Lan Qiren with him. “You’ll be able to wash your hands and your face, though I’m afraid a bath is out of the question.”

“I cannot take a bath,” Lan Qiren agreed regretfully. “I do not have any clothing to change into, and change clothes after bathing is a rule.”

He Zhong gave him a strange look. Lan Qiren conceded after a moment of reflection that perhaps he was still a little dizzy and disoriented, and that it was out of place to have mentioned such a thing. The rule about bathing was only a minor rule, after all, with any number of exceptions that might be relevant in a situation like this…

“Tell me more about He Kexin,” he said, trying to avoid falling into a lecture about the rules. Lan Qiren hadn’t realized until he’d started working on Wangji’s issues how often he himself would go into a state of fixation when he was distressed, since talking about the rules was generally an acceptable topic in the Lan sect, but once he’d realized he’d started trying not to do it so often. He had to be a good role model for Wangji, after all. “She never spoke of her life before, and I – I admittedly did not ask. It seems I knew her less well than I had thought.”

“You probably knew her about as well as anyone, given that she never said anything to anyone about anything,” He Zhong snorted. “Were you as charmed by her as everyone else?”

“…no. We did not get along,” Lan Qiren admitted. “There was scarcely a single subject on which we agreed. I found her taste in poetry appalling, her preference in paintings trite, her taste in music…”

He shuddered. Some things were just unspeakable.

A moment later, he realized that He Zhong’s shoulders were also shaking, although in suppressed laughter.

“I take it back,” he said, voice gruffer than before. “Maybe you did know her better than most. Certainly I never talked about poetry with her.”

“We didn’t have anything else to talk about,” Lan Qiren said, a little puzzled. “She was decent enough with the sword, I suppose, and she had a real talent for cultivation, but both subjects bored her to tears. She liked fine clothing and make-up, but I proved a poor audience in that respect.”

He’d tried, when she’d asked his opinion, but women’s outfits all looked about the same to him. He Kexin had declared him hopeless, blaming it on the Lan sect’s separation of men and women, though he suspected it might just be him. Certainly Wen Ruohan seemed to be much more attached to putting him in particular outfits than he was about wearing any of them, as long as they were comfortable.

“Now that sounds more like her,” He Zhong said. “She didn’t try to seduce you?”

“…I proved a poor audience on that subject as well.” It had only happened the one time, after her imprisonment; it had been half-hearted, and Lan Qiren hadn’t held it against her – he’d understood that she was just desperate, and by silent unspoken agreement they never brought it up again, lest Lan Qiren not be able to visit any longer.

He Zhong snorted. “I can believe that.”

They made it to the cell, which gave Lan Qiren a chance to splash water on his face and sober up a little. Once he did, he recalled that there had been something He Zhong had mentioned that had caught his attention, something that he had wanted to know more about. “What was that you said earlier about a job she had taken, the one that caused your estrangement? Could you tell me more about that?”

“Why do you want to know about that?” He Zhong crossed his arms. “If you have some picture in your head about her, that she’s some innocent saintly lady – ”

“I assure you that is not the case.” Lan Qiren hesitated there, accustomed from years of covering up his sect’s secrets to always obfuscating all matters related to He Kexin. Still, this was her relative, surely he at least deserved the truth. “In fact, when I first met her, she had just been accused of murder.”

Accused, though not tried, and that was forever a thorn in Lan Qiren’s side. Couldn’t his brother have waited until after she’d had a proper trial to marry her? Couldn’t the elders have waited? Sometimes Lan Qiren wished he had not been away on sect business when the issue of his brother’s life matter had come to a climax – he had heard of He Kexin before that, of course, and been disturbed by the extent of his brother’s adoration for a woman who by all reports did not much care about him, but his brother hadn’t wanted them to meet. He hadn’t yet become actively hateful towards Lan Qiren, but he still hadn’t wanted to bother his already impatient lady-love with an annoying younger brother…

“Her, murdering someone?” He Zhong frowned. “I don’t have a high opinion of her, but that’s not her usual line. Her problem was always that she looked the other way about things she shouldn’t, ignored anything that didn’t affect her directly, no matter what. Not that she did the bad things herself.”

“Perhaps she made an exception?” Lan Qiren suggested hesitantly. Come to think of it, he didn’t actually know very much about the circumstances of He Kexin’s murder of a sect elder, only that by the time he’d arrived back from his trip the elder was unquestionably dead and she was universally considered to be unquestionably guilty. She’d certainly never disputed the issue, after, and so he’d assumed it was as simple as that…though perhaps he shouldn’t have. Do not make assumptions about others. “Was that what she did that caused you such difficulties? Look the other way?”

“Difficulties! Difficulties!That – ” He Zhong paused, presumably to account for Lan Qiren’s sensibilities, since he’d already established that he himself didn’t follow a rule similar to No vulgar language. “My cousin ruined my life. I’d finally found a place to settle down, after everything – a new sect willing to take me as an outer disciple, a house of my own, even a sweetheart, one of the other outer disciple girls. It might not have been as fine as where we came from, but it was safe, and stable, and mine. And then, just over ten years ago, maybe eleven now, Kexin swans back into my life after more than two or three years gone, wearing a dress worth an entire year of my wages, and suddenly everyone’s wondering how she got it.”

Lan Qiren nodded. Working with smaller sects had given him something of an insight into such matters, which he’d previously lacked, since, awkward and disliked or no, he’d still grown up a young master of a Great Sect, and matters of money had puzzled him for far longer than socially acceptable. “I understand their suspicion,” he said. “Such an outsized reward would be available only when the work is highly risky or else highly dubious.”

“The latter, in this case. She was working with a dodgy merchant house – technically a sect, but not exactly one that focused on cultivation. They’d had a client come into possession of an iron mine filled with spiritual energy. They wanted it taken out as fast as possible, and they didn’t care how it was done, so the merchant house had every reason to maximize profits.”

Lan Qiren frowned. “Profits from mining spiritual metal? That’s a very tricky business. It’s very valuable once extracted, of course, but the process of extracting it is unbearably expensive, both because the metal flees the person mining it and because it must be mined only by cultivators. And of course most cultivators won’t do such dangerous and low-status work absent any other options. There’s rarely any profit in it at all.”

“Hah! Only if you actually pay for the labor.”

“Forced labor? Of cultivators?” Lan Qiren scowled. “That’s unconscionable.”

It wasn’t wholly without precedent, but it was only barely deemed acceptable in some very limited cases – the punishment of a sect that had committed some dire sort of crime, for instance, and even then Lan Qiren had always disapproved. It had happened only once during his tenure as sect leader, very early on, with one of the Jin sect subsidiaries seeking to take advantage of another and blaming them for a small skirmish gone wrong, a crime which was in no way severe enough to justify being sentenced even to temporary slavery.

Lan Qiren had spoken out against it at great length and with great vitriol, even overriding those of his sect elders that cautioned him against taking such a hardline position – the first time he had ever done so, in fact. It had been less than a year after the matters with his brother and He Kexin, and he’d been especially sensitive to the notion of any punishment involving involuntary confinement. The other Great Sects hadn’t really taken a stance on it in either direction, but he’d kicked up enough of a fuss to make the Jin sect feel the need to step in and stop it from happening for fear of losing face due to the actions of their subsidiary.

“Like I said, Kexin had a bad habit of trusting her friends and a worse habit of closing both eyes and ears to anything that seemed unpleasant.” He Zhong shook his head. “She probably never asked why they were paying her so much money to travel the countryside looking for small sects or cultivator families that no one would miss.”

“That’s appalling.”

“Yeah, it is,” He Zhong said grimly. “That’s why my new sect kicked me out. That’s why my sweetheart broke it off with me, and why I was chased out, again, forced to start over from nothing, again, because no one wanted to be associated with a family that did things like that!”

Lan Qiren could understand that.

Trafficking in human lives, kidnapping and enslaving her fellow cultivators – it was genuinely terrible, perhaps even unforgivable. Even if He Kexin did nothing but close her eyes to it, she was still culpable, and it was always possible, albeit out of keeping with her character as he knew it, that she had done more than just that.

And with that, Lan Qiren supposed, he had his answer as to why He Kexin had never mentioned her past life to him. She would have known that he would never approve – not that he would add anything onto her already dire punishment, of course, but it would certainly have poisoned their relationship. At a minimum, he would have pulled back to the stiff formality of the early days, when he’d been hurt and bewildered and angry with her as if she had caused it all by herself, because to do otherwise would be to question his brother’s at-the-time unimpeachable position in his heart…but even that distance, he thought, would likely have been too much for her to bear.

After all, through no fault of his own, he was her only real connection to the outside world.

Once, when he’d been particularly tired from all of his various duties, Lan Qiren had suggested that she try to strike up an acquaintanceship with some of her servants, but He Kexin had scornfully refused, saying that she was not a woman who enjoyed the company of other women, and women who were her social inferiors even less. Lan Qiren hadn’t really understood the logic, but he’d accepted it, not wanting to annoy her further, and so he’d forced himself past his exhaustion to come to see her every time.

Every single time.

No matter how angry he was, no matter how tired, no matter…anything.

Constant and reliable, the way he wished other people would be for him.

And if she feared that knowing the truth would make him stop –

Under the circumstances, he could see why she wouldn’t dare risk telling him.

Lan Qiren was abruptly reminded of his earlier musings about Wen Ruohan, who had been unable to risk trusting him. He Kexin’s prison had been genuine, while Wen Ruohan’s was self-made, a prison of his own paranoia – but perhaps Lan Qiren was only seeing a parallel there because he already wanted to forgive Wen Ruohan’s betrayal, and therefore felt he had no choice but to forgive He Kexin’s.

Or perhaps he just wanted to forgive her, too.

They hadn’t liked each other, to be sure, but they’d both loved Xichen and Wangji, and they’d respected each other for that. Her presence had been a constant in his life, and her death had destroyed his world. He thought he might even miss her.

He certainly regretted her death. He wished she hadn’t –

“Lan Qiren!”

Both Lan Qiren and He Zhong startled.

“Is that First Madam Wen?” He Zhong asked, clearly taken aback. “She never comes down here!”

Lan Qiren resisted the urge to explain that technically she was no longer First Madam Wen on account of having been demoted thanks to his presence, as he did not want to accidentally give He Zhong the impression that he was ‘Madam Wen’ anything. He was a husband, not a wife; Wen Ruohan had agreed. Throwing him into the Fire Palace did not invalidate that agreement.

“Lan Qiren – where is that man – you, guard, show him to me this instant – ”

Lan Qiren grabbed He Zhong’s arm and pulled himself into a standing position, balanced on the foot that he could still use. He’d met enough people like Lu Qipei to know that he would rather not demonstrate weakness in front of her, or at least as little weakness as possible.

She appeared a moment later, sweeping in front of his cell with Shen Mingbi dogging her footsteps like a shadow as always.

“What did you do?” she demanded. “You bastard, what did you do?”

Lan Qiren arched his eyebrows at her rudeness (and inaccuracy: his parents had been married long before his birth) and decided to forgo the usual courtesies in return. Propriety demands reciprocation went both ways, after all. “You will need to be more specific.”

“Our husband threw you into the Fire Palace and stormed out without any warning!” She jabbed a finger at him. “He stormed out. He doesn’t do that! If I’d known he was going to react like that, I would never have let him overhear me slandering you –”

Of course she had. Lan Qiren wasn’t even surprised.

“And anyway, it was only with some random rumors I heard about the discussion conference. It shouldn’t have had this effect! Nothing should have had this effect! It must have been you. Something you said…” She shook her head furiously, her jewelry flashing as she did. “You need to tell me what you said to him. You’re new, you don’t know him like we do – he’s capable of anything. That motherless dog-fucking bastard…”

“That seems uncalled for.”

Lu Qupei looked at him as if he’d gone insane.

Lan Qiren could understand why – he was trapped in the Fire Palace at the moment, which was not exactly conducive to making a plausible defense of Wen Ruohan’s actions – but there were no exceptions to the rules regarding supporting one’s wife. At any rate, while he could certainly think of certain appropriate ways to describe Wen Ruohan at the moment, he still did not think that those particular adjectives applied.

“Wait,” Shen Mingbi said, frowning. “If he’s a dog-fucking bastard and we’re his wives, does that make us the -”

“Shut up!” Lu Qupei shouted at her, then turned to glare at Lan Qiren. “You don’t understand. He’s gone to the army – that’s where my Xu-er is. My Xu-er! Tell me what you said to him. Tell me what you did to him. Right now.”

The army? That seemed strange. Why in the world would Wen Ruohan go to visit his army, of all places? Even if he wanted to flee the Nightless City to escape Lan Qiren’s presence, he had the entire world open to him. Why there?

“I did not say anything to him,” Lan Qiren said, because it was true. His mind was racing: the Wen sect was the only one with an army, which naturally required regular maintenance, but surely that was too unusual a destination for a spontaneous visit. Perhaps it was something to do with the spy that had set Lan Qiren up? Was this the next part of the plan? Was there trouble brewing? “Where is the Wen sect’s army located right now?”

“Does it matter?”

“Near Jiujiang,” Shen Mingbi volunteered unexpectedly, just before Lan Qiren lost his temper and started shouting. “The local sect there asked for help with a large-scale haunting, I think.”

“Jiujiang?” Lan Qiren scowled. “That’s – surely not! That territory belongs to Quanjiao Liu, or rather the sect immediately adjacent to them, the Xu sect in Yuexi, which is so miniscule as to not be worth mentioning. Either way, the Wen sect’s army cannot be there.”

Quanjiao Liu was the proposed target of the Lan sect’s future war. If they attacked while the Wen sect was in the area – much less if Wen Ruohan himself was in the area – then every sect in the vicinity would immediately assume that he was there on some scheme to steal some benefits for his own sect. The war would immediately spiral out of control, and everyone would think it was Wen Ruohan’s fault!

Framing again.

Lan Qiren’s brother!

“What is my brother doing?” he demanded. “Gusu Lan – what is the Lan sect doing?”

“Your brother? Who cares?” Lu Qipei sneered. “He’s on the warpath, I suppose. Isn’t that what Gusu Lan does?”

It was most certainly not what Gusu Lan did. Or, well, in fairness, if Lan Qiren thought about his sect’s history, it wasn’t what they did unless there was a broken heart involved –

Oh no.

His brother. He Kexin.

Who had –

No. No.

What if she hadn’t – or at least he thought that she hadn’t, or that she’d been deliberately incited –

But then –

But who –?

“I have no insight for you,” Lan Qiren informed Lu Qipei abruptly. “Also, I would like you to leave. At once.”

She gaped at him. “Are you – are you trying to kick me out of here? You can’t do that!”

“I outrank you,” he reminded her. “As per the terms of the marriage agreement struck between my brother and Wen Ruohan, my wife has given me authority over the Nightless City second only to his, and that means that I can banish you from any particular part of the Nightless City that I choose.”

“…you’re locked in the Fire Palace!”

“For now.”

He let her weigh the odds of Wen Ruohan regretting his choices later in time, and unsurprisingly Lu Qipei scowled, finding just as everyone before her that Lan Qiren had the odds largely in his favor. She hissed an especially nasty word at him and turned on her heel, storming out.

Shen Mingbi lingered behind. “Uh, Lan-gege,” she said, looking awkward. “I know you’re in the Fire Palace and all, but our husband said something about you teaching the kids, including my Chao-er. Are you still planning on doing that…?”

“…provided I am not in the Fire Palace at the time, then yes,” Lan Qiren said, biting back a sigh. He sincerely hoped that her son had inherited at least some part of Wen Ruohan’s intellect, or else his next set of classes were going to be unbearable. “We can discuss it once I am no longer confined. But for the moment, if you could also…?”

“Oh, no, that’s all I wanted. Thanks!” she said hastily, picking up her skirts and hurrying out.

Lan Qiren huffed a sigh of relief and turned to He Zhong – who was gaping at him.

Unhelpful.

“There’s no time for you to make faces at me,” Lan Qiren said firmly. “I need to go to one of the records rooms. And before you complain, my wife only ordered me confined to the Fire Palace, and the records I need are likely to be stored in the Fire Palace as well. You will not be violating his orders by taking me there.”

Lan Qiren had expressed some surprise the first time he had asked to borrow a particular record and Wen Ruohan had sent a servant to the Fire Palace to fetch it. Apparently, records storage had been the original purpose of the Fire Palace, long before it had been converted by a previous Wen leader into a pleasure palace and, later, into Wen Ruohan’s hall of tortures, and it was still used for its original purpose in many instances. The idea, Wen Ruohan had explained with a smirk, was that no one who made their way into their sect illicitly would ever think to look there, and any invading army would probably proceed straight to burning it down, thereby robbing themselves of all that information…it made a certain amount of sense, albeit through an irritatingly twisted sort of logic.

“Your wife ordered you…?” He Zhong squeaked. “I thought – aren’t you the Sect Leader’s wife?”

“I am his husband.” Lan Qiren was starting to get a little annoyed. “He is obviously better fit to manage the household, wouldn’t you say…? Anyway, please, there is no time, we must go at once. I require the records room where the Wen sect stores the land surveys it collects. I need to find out who owned the mine you mentioned, the one who hired the merchant firm that employed He Kexin in the first place.”

“Huh?” He Zhong frowned. “What? The mine? Why? What does it matter?”

“If He Kexin took her own life because she lost hope, it does not matter at all,” Lan Qiren said. “But knowing her character, neither you nor I would think such a thing is likely, and I suspect my brother feels the same. If instead she took her own life for another reason, if she was incited to do so – or even if she wasn’t, but there was some reason to think she might have been – if there was someone to blame,and my brother found out about it…”

Their Lan sect loved like madness, after all.

And love, Lan Qiren now knew to his sorrow, could make you burn.

“I need to know who he blames,” he said, shaking his head. This was no time to be distracted by self-immolation, either his own or his brother’s. “Whether he is right or wrong in doing so is irrelevant. My brother’s behavior since leaving seclusion has been irrational, with the risks he is taking being far too great for the possible reward that he might obtain. It only makes sense if he is not acting for objective reasons, but for subjective ones – if he is looking for revenge.”

He Zhong still did not understand, but in the face of Lan Qiren’s frantic appeals he agreed to take him to the records room, with Lan Qiren hobbling forward at full tilt to try to urge them to move faster.

It must be the Wen sect, he thought to himself as they went. It has to be – something unethical like that, not paying attention to where their labor was coming from, that could be any sect, but it is more likely to be them, and my brother has been aiming at them this entire time. I thought he was aiming at me, because he hates me for whatever reason, but it was Wen Ruohan that he framed in the discussion conference, not me. I thought it was meant to be pointed at me, but maybe not…even now, my being sent to the Fire Palace could have been a strike aimed at Wen Ruohan as well, through me, though the logic there is less certain.

Perhaps the marriage between us was just meant to lull Wen Ruohan into a false sense of security, or perhaps just as a means of getting to him. Perhaps he knew he was going against Wen Ruohan and decided to throw me to the wolves in the process, just because he could. Perhaps…

What if it is Wen Ruohan?

What do I do then? What if this ends up being my brother’s love against my own?

He hoped it wasn’t the Wen sect. Or at least, he hoped that it was a subsidiary sect, or something like that, something that they could offer up to appease his brother’s anger – it was a selfish thought, a ruthless one, but Lan Qiren couldn’t help it. The same horrible mixture of rage and sorrow that he had felt when he’d thought about the spy that had deceived Wen Ruohan, the one that had used him to genuinely hurt Wen Ruohan…his brother was feeling that way right now, Lan Qiren was sure of it.

Only He Kexin was dead, gone forever, and he had found someone to blame, and even though it was little more than intuition that told Lan Qiren that it had something to do with what had happened all those years ago, he was nevertheless sure of it.

After all, just as Lan Qiren hadn’t done anything since the time he’d arrived back to the Nightless City to cause Wen Ruohan to doubt him, He Kexin hadn’t done anything since her arrival at the Cloud Recesses that could cause her to doubt herself in such a way. It had to be related to what had happened before she was locked away.

It had to be related to the mine.

And that meant, whatever sect had owned the mine – that was the sect his brother blamed.

That was the sect his brother was going to destroy.

Nothing else would be enough. If it had been Wen Ruohan who’d died unjustly –

Lan Qiren refused to consider that, his heart hurting within his chest at the mere thought. Wen Ruohan was the closest thing the cultivation world had to a god; he was not going to die.

No matter what his brother might intend.

“Here it is,” He Zhong said. He’d made Lan Qiren sit down at one of the tables while he scurried around looking through the various shelves; given his physical state, Lan Qiren hadn’t objected. He came back now, putting the relevant pile of books down in front of Lan Qiren. “Are you sure you know how to find what it is you’re looking for?”

“I am certain. The Wen sect keeps better records of land surveys and ownership lists than anyone else in the cultivation world – it is in the nature of their interest, given that they hope to rule over it all one day. Ten years ago is not that long, for Wen Ruohan, and so this book should be based on the same model as the current version, which I consulted in advance of the discussion conference. Now, where did you say the mine was? Chuzhou? Do you recall where in the Chuzhou region exactly?”

“Uh, sure. It was in Xixiang.”

“All right, Xixiang, let me look – ” Lan Qiren paused, even as his hands already started turning through the pile to get to the right book. “Did you say Xixiang?”

Wasn’t that where Cangse Sanren said she was going…?

Xixiang wasn’t far from Jiujiang, either, which in turn was not far from Quanjiao, all three of them closely clustered as such things went…had Xixiang been Lan Qiren’s brother’s target all along? Were his nephews and Cangse Sanren about to find themselves in the middle of a war zone, inside a trap set up by a grieving madman intent on revenging himself on the sect he thought had caused the death of his wife, in the place she had done the things that had later led to her suicide?

The book fell open in Lan Qiren’s hands.

He looked down.

“Oh,” he said, and suddenly his ears were doing the same high-pitched ringing they had when He Zhong had snatched away his forehead ribbon, violating every rule that Lan Qiren held dear.

“What is it?” He Zhong asked. He’d gotten into the spirit of things by now, and he was eager to find out the truth. “Is it the Wen sect? Were they the ones that owned that mine?”

“No,” Lan Qiren said. “No. No, it is – it – ”

He trailed off, unable to say the words, unable to even process them, to think about what those words actually meant, so instead he merely pointed mutely at the book. At the damning words on the page, written ten years ago by some scribe in clear black and white.

He Zhong looked, and then frowned.

“That doesn’t make any sense,” he said, puzzled. “If that’s right, and what you were saying was right, then your brother isn’t aiming to destroy the Qishan Wen sect at all. The sect he really wants to destroy is – ”

“Gusu Lan,” Lan Qiren said numbly, staring at the damning words. “He wants to destroy Gusu Lan.”

[fandomwe1rd0]

Allow me to analyze the toxic, codependent mess that is Rick and Morty's relationship.

Starting off with the abuser, Rick Sanchez!

As much as I love this traumatized, lonely, toxic, abusive old man, he is a horrible person. While he certainly does care about Morty more than anything, the way he treats Morty is anything but healthy, he'll constantly hurl insults at the poor kid, calls the kid replaceable, and makes the kid feel worthless. He acts like a child when it comes to Morty, since he is shown to be extremely jealous, controlling, and possessive of Morty. One of the best examples of this is in "Vindicators 3: Return of Worldender" where Rick straight up put the Vindicators (Aka Morty's heros) into a saw-like death game just out of drunken jealously. While the Vindicators were pieces of shit, this was the most immature, childish way he could've proved it. He also had Morty give up on his dreams when he was afraid of Morty leaving him in "One Crew Coocoo over Morty", he has also stopped Morty's attempts to make new friends his age, this is more subtle, but it's scattered around multiple episodes, the Pilot and Rest and Ricklaxation, where Morty has attempted to talk to Jessica, but Rick interrupts it and pulls Morty away, which Morty having his only friend be his 70 year old grandpa definitely isn't helping things for the already traumatized kid. Rick wants to be Morty's hero, he wants to be Morty's best friend, but he treats Morty so horribly that Morty can't tell. Morty should be aloud to have one friend his age. It's even been confirmed in "The Jerrick Trap" that most of his contact are crime lords, which again can't be healthy! But moving back onto Rick, the reason why I personally believe he is so horrible to Morty is due to his trauma, his wife and child died in front of him, and he blames himself for their deaths, thinking it's his fault, so he's definitely scared to care about others again. And while I certainly feel sympathy for him, that's no excuse to treat your grandson like crap. I do think he, on some level needs Morty, which is where the codependency comes in, as we can see in "Rest and Ricklaxation" Rick turned into a wreck when Morty wasn't around for three weeks. According to Jessica, he's been drunk dialing her and crying about Morty being gone, which, while sweet, shows that he's unable to function without Morty around, showing my argument that Morty is the only stabilizing thing in Rick's life, which is certainly unhealthy, Morty is his 14-year-old grandson, not a therapist. He seems to completely rely on Morty for most things, he relies on Morty to get him food (Rickfending your Mort), he relies on Morty for validation and emotional support (Mutiple episodes, an example is Vat of Acid, where he got so upset that Morty didn't validate his ego that he traumatized the kid). He's definitely changing as we can see in season 6 and 7, but the damage he's done to Morty's psyche has already been done, and the only person who can forgive him for that is Morty, speaking of which...

Let's switch gears to our favorite traumatized child, Morty!

Now I absolutely love Morty, he's my son, and poor traumatized child who deserves all the love in the world, and a good grandpa. Now Morty started the series off pretty naive, as we can see in "Pilot" where he was against shooting people, and when he did, was shown to be shocked and horrified by what he's done, meanwhile in "90s Fad Toys" he guns down multiple people, and kills a guy with a candlestick with no reaction. And Morty, on a level, needs Rick as well, which is where the codependency kicks in for Morty, when you think about it, Rick is really the only friend Morty has, a toxic friend, but the only one he has, due to Rick's adventures, Morty is unable to make any other friends his age, which can't be helping things, while he relies on Rick less, he was shown to be heartbroken when he left (The two crows episode, I forgot the name), and attempted to get him back twice, even aging himself up to attempt to emotionally blackmail Rick into coming back "Rickmari Jack" he even has been shown in "Fear No Mort" that he believes that Rick doesn't care about him at all, which makes sense considering how horrible Rick treats Morty on a daily basis.

Whew! That was a long post! I hope you enjoyed reading it and have a lovely rest of your day/night

[azureflame]

If Only They Knew

Fandom: Twisted Wonderland

Pairing: Yandere!Malleus x (Y/n) (gender neutral)

Word count: 1,722

Cw: Standard yandere content, forced marriage, isolation from friends, mental breakdown from (Y/n), kidnapping, manipulation, controlling & possessive behavior, spoiler for main story part 6

Note: I bear no responsibility for the content you are about to read. Minors, DNI!

Malleus tried to make the most of his nightly walks with (Y/n) since they only lasted for a short time. 

The reason being? His dorm members, particularly Sebek & Silver, are always keeping an eye on him.

It would be erroneous, however, to assume that Malleus was wholly displeased by their efforts to protect him. He was amused seeing them protecting one of the world’s strongest mages.

Once the VDC was over, he thought about how to deepen his friendship with (Y/n). They were his only friend & he was certain he’d become lonely once more upon his return to the Valley of Thorns.

Such plans would sadly be interrupted by the arrival of the Charon division from S.T.Y.X.

To make matters worse, (Y/n) was nowhere to be found on campus. Knowing that searching for them would send his dorm into a state of panic, he could only hope they were ok.

After 2 agonizing days, (Y/n), along with Rook, Epel, Grim, Ortho, & the overblot sextet, have returned.

“Child of Man. Are you injured in any way” Malleus asked. He felt relieved once (Y/n) confirmed they were fine.

After the emotional reunion ended, Malleus pulled (Y/n) to the side & expressed his interest in spending more time with them. It would be a matter of time before the next major crisis occurred, after all.

Much to Malleus’s pleasure, nothing happened for a long while. Perhaps the Great 7 were generous enough to grant him his wish.

Much to Malleus’s displeasure, however, was that (Y/n) would still check up on the other students & staff members. This shouldn’t bother him because their kindness is a huge reason why he liked them. But it did & he needed to prevent these feelings from clouding his judgment.

After explaining his situation to Lilia, the vampiric faery suggested he helped his human throughout the day. “Why don’t you try assisting them in any way you can? The sooner their work for the day ends, the sooner the two of you can relax together.“

Malleus did exactly as he was told & was pleased by the results. At first he only learned a few of (Y/n)’s hobbies, but later on he became aware of their favorite foods, their values on life, etc. It was concerning how well he was able to memorize everything in such a short time.

One night, Lilia caught Malleus digging through his treasury & jokingly claimed that his charge was in love with the Ramshackle prefect.

The mere notion that Malleus desired for more than friendship had him flustered. Was he even in love with (Y/n)? If not, then why is he going through his treasury, something that contains jewels valuable to him?

He pondered for a while & came to the conclusion that he was in love with them.

Much to Lilia’s surprise, Malleus claimed that he’ll begin courting (Y/n). He warned him not to do so right away because he may frighten them. Maintaining their friendship as he always had been would be optimal, albeit time consuming. As for any potential rivals, simply making his presence known would be more than enough.

Malleus was confused by how much emphasis Lilia put on his last statement, but listened anyway. When he felt his relationship with (Y/n) had matured enough, he displayed more signs of affection ranging from (awkwardly) hugging them to lavishing them with expensive gifts. It was at this time he thought about confessing his feelings, but wasn’t sure how to properly word it.

One night, he asked (Y/n) if they had any plans after graduating from Night Raven College. Since they are not from this world, finding a place of residence & employment would be challenging, especially when they lacked any magical attributes.

As soon as (Y/n) said they were still looking for a new home, Malleus immediately offered them a place in his castle. After all, who wouldn’t wish to live in a castle with many servants at their beck & call?

Surprised by his change in attitude, (Y/n) asked what was going on.

Gently taking their hands into his, Malleus calmly stated that he desired more than friendship from them & asked if they felt the same.

The moment (Y/n) accepted his confession & invitation, Malleus’s heart fluttered. He was one step closer to securing a happy future with them. He just needed to ensure that no one could interfere with their relationship.

Suddenly, he realized that (Y/n) must learn about fae social & cultural norms. They were rather different from those of humans, so it was imperative to teach them lest they unknowingly incur the wrath of one of his court members down the line.

Every day after class ended, (Y/n) would arrive at the Diasomnia dorm for Lilia’s etiquette & history lessons. 

(Y/n) took their additional studies seriously & got along with the Diasomnia dorm members. One day, they expressed their desire to see their friends again.

Malleus immediately sent a letter to his grandmother about his future spouse. Meanwhile, Lilia lengthened (Y/n)’s lessons while also having Silver & Sebek being their bodyguards.

It was at this point (Y/n) was fed up with everything & they confronted Malleus about it all.

He shamelessly revealed his true colors knowing he could still forcefully marry his Child of Man.

(Y/n) attempted to run away only for Malleus to immediately pull them into an embrace.

Malleus wiped their tears with his gloved hands while speaking to them with a soothing tone. When that failed to calm (Y/n) down, Malleus cast a weak sleeping spell on them. After carrying them back to his room, he proceeded to watch them sleep before falling asleep as well.

Ever since that day, (Y/n) rarely spoke & has never smiled. No amount of persuasion from anyone was able to successfully bring them out of their depression.

The final day of school had arrived & Malleus couldn’t be any more ecstatic. Even if (Y/n) could no longer attend Night Raven College, he could simply hire the best tutors from around the world to continue their education.

After a long discussion with his grandmother, Malleus contacted a noble fae family that could adopt (Y/n). 

While the queen was pleased to see that her grandson found the love of his life, she stated that it was best for everyone to believe that (Y/n) came from a noble, wealthy family to quell any complaints about their true background.

Meanwhile, Lilia began the preparations for the wedding ceremony. The food & drinks, the attire, the wedding rings, it all had to be perfect.

On top of their etiquette & history lessons, (Y/n) would be busy with their wedding attire fitting & learning how to manage a court alongside Malleus. It was too much for them to handle. They wanted to scream & cry, but understood that no one would be able to help them nor would they care to do so. Everyone was only concerned about the happiness of their soon-to-be-king.

On the day of the wedding just hours before the ceremony, many servants were attending to (Y/n) to ensure their appearance was nothing short of exquisite. Before having any makeup applied to their face, (Y/n) drank a love potion just strong enough for them to endure the wedding. After all, they knew it would be unwise to upset Malleus on his special day.

Speaking of Malleus, he couldn’t be any more impatient to see his soon-to-be spouse in their wedding attire. Being warned about potentially delaying his wedding was enough for him to remain cooperative, however.

As numerous guests from all across the globe awaited for the royal couple to appear, beautiful orchestral music can be heard throughout the grandest cathedral in all the kingdom. They were chattering with excitement as they sat down on the pews & as more guests arrived.

Not too far from the cathedral were many citizens of the Valley of Thorns that have gathered to witness the momentous event. All of the best guards were summoned to ensure no one acted out of line.

Had the Valley of Thorns embraced modern technology like the rest of the world, there is no doubt that Malleus would have broadcasted this event. At the very least, his marriage with (Y/n) will be talked about by many for years to come.

Upon the arrival of Malleus, the music became serene & every guest inside the cathedral stood & watched as the soon-to-be king walked down the aisle.

No strand of hair stood out of place. No wrinkle on his clothes could be seen. It was as if he was a being created by the divine.

Shortly afterwards, (Y/n) entered the cathedral. All of the guests clapped in excitement while Malleus did his best to maintain his composure. He wanted to take them to a place far away from civilization, but he knew how selfish it would be for him to abandon his royal duties.

After the vows & rings were exchanged, Malleus & (Y/n) were declared to be officially married. Everyone cheered for them as they kissed each other.

At the reception hall, the royal couple were dancing to a few traditional songs, one of which being “Once Upon a Dream.” The way they looked at each other while dancing had everyone believing that they were just as in love with each other as Princess Aurora & Prince Philip were.

Once the wedding had ended, Malleus immediately took (Y/n) to a private resort for their honeymoon. It was at this moment that the latter broke down in tears.

Alarmed, Malleus asked his spouse what had upset them so greatly. He didn’t get an answer right away as they were too busy crying for a long, long while. Once (Y/n) had calmed down, he repeated his question.

Their response can be summarized to how they hated themselves for not noticing the red flags Malleus was showing to them.

Malleus chuckled, stating that it “would have only delayed the inevitable” before pulling them into a gentle embrace.

Had (Y/n) know about Malleus’s alarming behavior, they would’ve had just enough time to warn their friends about their inevitable disappearance. All they could do from now on was cling onto what little sanity they have left.

If only they knew…

[mintywolf]

A Long Road Home - Author Notes

Page 25

Oh no, I made the whole Bradbury family adorable. (I guess it’s hereditary.)

I’m not sure exactly how old they’re supposed to be; by the time she’s 20 they’re both described as looking “older” but that was after 5 years of Bad Times Whitestone under the Briarwoods. So I’d guess early-mid 30’s? Kinda late (for the setting) to have a toddler. I like the implied fairy-tale motif of a couple who wanted a child for a long time finally ending up with a really weird one.

Imogen and Matilda both had unusually lonely childhoods because, despite both growing up on a farm, they don’t have any siblings. With Imogen it’s explained by Liliana leaving when she’s still a baby and Relvin never remarrying (and since he’s described as in his mid-late 40’s with a 28-year-old daughter, they got married pretty early) but with Matilda I suppose either her parents either couldn’t have more children, or, after all the difficulty they had with her, didn’t want to risk any more. :/

Sooo . . . okay okay okay. If you’re familiar with the show you’ve probably figured out what’s going on here. (If you’re not, don’t worry, Imogen doesn’t know either so it still has to be explained to her as well as the audience. You’re not totally out of the loop here.) There have been a few hints along the way, and a few clever readers picked up on it in advance. (Gold star!)

After Episode 37 I got really excited about the possibility that Imogen coming into contact with Laudna’s soul in the little memory vignettes we see in the shadow realm might have changed, if not the actual past, the memories themselves. (Idk how many people remember this short comic I drew on the subject in between 37 and 38.) Episode 38 did confirm that they managed to influence at least one; she remembers feeling their presence when she was building Pâté, so that a little bit of all of them ended up in him. (Which, given this table, explains a lot about his personality.) But I think, though, that by “it rewrote that memory a little bit” she probably means her experience reliving it in the Domain of Dread and not the actual memory, because she says with them there “it didn’t feel so lonely that time,” so she still has the original memory.

I got really attached to the idea though, and as with my last comic I had kind of wanted to include a slight road-not-taken AU element, something just to the left of canon but within the bounds of possibility presented by it, so it’s not just a straightforward retelling. (Incidentally both twists involved the characters being bonded on a soul-deep level.) Here it’s that Laudna can remember Imogen, in what is still the future for her, meeting her in her past.

That throughout all the loneliest parts of her life she had the memory of this loving presence and a voice that had spoken to her with kindness and told her it was going to be okay. That when she awoke, terrified and alone, from death the first time it was with the memory of having been told, “when it starts to get scary, you just come find us. We’re gonna get you home.” That even in her 30+ years of wandering the earth being chased from hovel to hovel she knew that there was a home somewhere out there in someone who needed and loved her.

I just . . . have a lot of feelings about Episode 37.

It ended up fitting really well with another recurring theme I have planned/written for Laudna in this that will become more apparent as she continues to share her story with Imogen, in that she isn’t a totally reliable narrator, even when she’s letting her into her mind, and she has contrasting memories of why things are the way they are. (Did she, for example, name herself “Laudna” after gothic literature drug of choice laudanum, or because of what she used to sing to Pâté, or, a secret, third thing . . . because it’s what Imogen called her in the past?)

It also, narratively, gives her a reason to come to Marquet in the first place, and gives some direction to her three decades of wandering around. What she said a few pages ago about having been searching for Imogen her entire life wasn’t just romance novel-inspired sappiness. She has actually been searching for her for that long!! (That whole page is probably worth a reread now that you know the thing.)

There have been a few other dropped bread crumbs along the way, which a couple people noticed right from her first appearance when Imogen overhears her thinking that “it probably isn’t even the right town,” implying that she’s looking for one in particular. On the next page there’s also this panel, which, when unblurred by a concussion, looks like this:

Not that significant-looking but it’s also from Episode 37 (and which I only deploy for purposes of inflicting suffering, haha, it is uttered by a 1 hp Matilda in Remember Us too) when Imogen reaches out to Matilda’s mind for the last time and she reaches back in recognition to lay her hand up against hers on the other side of the window.

I think this particular Past Matilda encounter, chronologically the earliest, actually makes the best case for Imogen and the other Hells having reached through the veil somehow. All the other memories they see involve some notable event in her life — she’s creating Pâté, she’s being betrayed and having her heart broken by her first crush, she’s getting ready for the dinner party that’s about to change (and end) her life. But when they meet Matilda at age 3 (an age it’s rare to have many coherent memories of to begin with) she’s not doing anything but playing by herself in the barn. The most memorable thing about it is that it’s the first time she met Imogen.

Now, here’s the conversation from the show with Baby Tillie taking place in panel 1 of this page:

Imogen: Laudna? . . . Matilda? Are you there? Matilda: Yeah? Imogen: I want to find you and help. Can you show me the path? Matilda: I’m just playing by myself. Imogen: Where are you? Matilda: I’m playing in the barn. Imogen. The barn. Is that outside of town? Matilda: Usually. But not today. Imogen: Can you see the tree, honey? Matilda: No, the tree scares me. Imogen: What does the barn look like? Matilda: Well, it’s kind of red, and it’s tall. It’s got big doors on it. I’m up at the top of it. There’s a ladder you take, and I made some dolls. (Pause) Imogen: We’re coming up, honey. Orym: Hey, Matilda. Hey. Are you by yourself here? Imogen: Who are the dolls, honey? Matilda: They’re . . . I made a nice woman, and I made a bird that can take me away from here. Imogen: We can be that bird for you. We can take you away. Matilda: Where will we go? Imogen: Home. Somewhere safe. Is there . . . is there a mean woman around here? Matilda: Yeah. She won’t let me leave. Imogen: Have you seen her lately? Matilda: She’s sort of out that way. (points towards the tree) Ashton: Matilda? Can you tell me about this drawing? It’s interesting. What were you thinking? Matilda: That’s what’s beyond the city. That’s what everything is now. Imogen: Have you tried to leave? Matilda: The tree won’t let me. Orym: You’re going to come with us, Matilda. We’re gonna go. Would you like that? Matilda: The tree won’t let me. (discussion about escaping the barn) Imogen: Matilda, do you have a secret way out of here? (She disappears)

For when we see it again here (which we will eventually) I rewrote it a bit to fit onto a single comic page (and also so it seems less like Bells Hells is attempting to abduct a toddler haha D: ) but the emphasis is the same. She’s alone and scared in a nightmare place and a benevolent presence tells her, “Come home.”

The title of the comic probably makes more sense now. :)

(Kinda mad because I had “Imogen is Laudna’s home” as an overarching theme long before FRIDA slid into Imogen’s DMs with “home can be a person” and now it’s going to be in everything, ever but oh well! It’s been here since the title page.)

[thelazyhermits]

Now that Book 7 has reached the ENG server, I wanna start making summary posts about it like how I did with the previous books. Just like what I did with Book 6, I'll make a summary post per book part as each part gets released since that'll save me from having to make one ridiculously large post, and it'll be easier to cover everything if I just write about a set amount of chapters at a time.

So underneath the cut you'll find a summary of Book 7 Part 1 and how it goes with my Yuu ^^

For starters, I wanna share that I went back and made a slight change to the end of the Book 6 Part 2 post. Rather than have Yuu talk with Mickey the night she moves back into Ramshackle, I want that conversation to happen right before the start of Book 7.

I did this cause I want there to be plenty of free time between the two books to squeeze in some game events, and I don't want Yuu worrying about Diasomnia during that time, although, of course, that worry will still be lingering in the back of her mind since six Overblots have happened by this point, and she finds it highly unlikely that Diasomnia will be spared.

Anyway, so my version of Book 7 starts with Yuu having that chat with Mickey, and he tells her about seeing Silver in his dream room.

This puts Yuu on edge since when she thinks of Silver she thinks of his dorm, the only dorm that has yet to have a reported Overblot.

Even though nothing worrisome has happened regarding Overblots since Idia's OB, Yuu figures that was all just the calm before the storm, because that would be just her luck.

By this point in the story line, Yuu's pretty paranoid thanks to dealing with six OBs in the span of less than a year, so at this point, she can't be as optimistic/hopeful as she was in the past.

That's why, after her chat with Mickey, Yuu has a hard time going to sleep that night, because she's afraid she'll start dreaming about Maleficent as well as Malleus's childhood memories since those dreams will confirm that Malleus's OB is on the horizon.

Eventually, her exhaustion wins out in the end, and she falls asleep. Unfortunately, just as she had feared, she has a dream about Maleficent, the same dream that's shown in the first chapter of Book 7.

Yuu also sees a memory of Malleus as a child, and it breaks her heart to see him because he looks so lonely in the memory.

That's not all that she sees, however. Just after she sees that memory, her Quirk suddenly activates and proceeds to reveal to her that Lilia will be dropping out of NRC due to his weakening magic.

Upon seeing this vision, which is of the Diafam's canon lunchtime conversation, Yuu immediately realizes this is the trigger for Malleus's future OB, because she knows how much Malleus loves/treasures Lilia.

Plus, she also understands how much Malleus hates being alone/left behind, so of course, it's something like this that will eventually send him over the edge.

Around the time her vision ends, Yuu wakes up thanks to her internal alarm clock.

For several minutes, Yuu doesn't move because all she can do is sit there as she tries to come to terms with everything she saw while she was dreaming.

Yuu is noticeably rattled, for good reason, since all these signs keep pointing toward Malleus eventually Overblotting.

Unlike the previous six guys who Overblotted, Yuu is super close/good friends with Malleus by the time of his OB, and he's also one of the first friends she made at NRC.

(She was acquainted with/friends-of-sorts with the others before they Overblotted, sans Riddle, whom she really didn't start properly interacting with until after his OB, but she didn't really become close friends with them until after their OBs.)

That's why Malleus's OB has the strongest emotional impact on her out of all of them, and the fact that he's the last of them makes it all the worse since, by this point, Yuu has gone through a lot emotionally/mentally thanks to the previous OBs.

Which is why Yuu needs to take a moment to put herself together before she finally starts getting ready for her morning jog with Jack.

During this time, Yuu decides to play the day by ear since, while she's almost certain the situation with Lilia that she saw while she was dreaming was a vision, not just a dream, she'd like some kind of evidence to support her theory before she starts panicking.

(When Yuu has a vision while she's sleeping, she has a difficult time sometimes telling the difference between a dream and a vision, and she also has no way of knowing when the events of a vision will happen if she receives them while she's sleeping.)

Regardless of whether or not she had a vision, Yuu knows for certain now that Malleus will OB thanks to those other dreams she had, so for now, she thinks that she just needs to do her best to keep a cool head and start strategizing.

Of course, that's easier said than done, considering just how serious a situation she's dealing with.

That's why, despite her putting on her best poker face, Jack notices that Yuu is stressed when they're running together, although it's more because he can smell her stress than see it.

However, Jack isn't the type to force someone to talk about their feelings, so he just gruffly but kindly tells her in his own way that if something is bothering her she can talk to him, which leads to her giving him a big hug, much to his embarrassment.

Since she's not quite ready to talk about what's on her mind, Yuu doesn't talk to Jack about it right then and there, but she promises that she will if the stress becomes too much for her to bear alone.

The next of Yuu's sons to notice something's off with her is Sebek whom she encounters along with Malleus and Silver in front of Great Seven Statues like in canon.

While Yuu hadn't run off to see them like her game counterpart, she did find herself unconsciously stopping and staring at Maleficent's statue when she and Grim were walking past it while on the way to school, which led to things playing out similar to how they do in canon, although there's no freak out about Yuu's nickname for Malleus from Sebek since he found out about that not long after Book 5's events.

Upon encountering Yuu, Sebek immediately notices that Yuu looks exhausted, more so in her eyes than her face since she did her best to hide the bags underneath her eyes with the makeup she got from Vil.

In typical Sebek fashion, he gets all up in her personal space and starts reprimanding her for allowing herself to be in such poor condition while in the presence of the Great Lord Malleus Draconia.

Yuu, of course, can tell Sebek is just worried about her but can't be honest when he's got witnesses present/a reputation to uphold, so rather than take any of his scolding to heart, she gives him a kiss on the cheek and thanks him for worrying about her before assuring him that she's fine, just lacking a little sleep.

Unsurprisingly, Sebek gets incredibly flustered and profusely denies being worried while an exasperated Silver chides him for being too loud and for not being more honest about his feelings, which leads to Sebek directing his irritation at Silver lol

Meanwhile, Malleus is just amused by this not so unusual turn of events. During this time, like in the game, he asks Yuu if she has any questions about the Thorn Fairy, considering she had been studying her statue earlier.

When Malleus mentions being quite knowledgeable about Maleficent, Yuu decides to ask him if, in the past, the Thorn Fairy was ever not invited to a big event.

She quickly adds that she had a strange dream along those lines, which is why she had been so focused on the statue.

Much to her surprise, Malleus confirms that there was one occasion when the Thorn Fairy wasn't invited to a princess's birthday, so he assumes Yuu must have either read about that or heard someone else talk about it in the past and had just forgotten about it until she had that unusual dream.

(Silver mentions this occasion in the game during a chat, so while it's not mentioned in the main story, it's apparently canon that the Thorn Fairy didn't get invited to a princess's birthday like in the movie.)

Yuu is surprised by this revelation since it was that event that led to Maleficent getting the Disney villain treatment, yet somehow, in this world, she's highly revered. Is it because everyone felt she was in the right for trying to kill the princess, or did she not actually try to do anything to the princess in this world?

Once again, Yuu finds herself wondering if the events from the Disney movies she watched as a child are connected to TW's world history and they just got hidden/misconstrued for the sake of the Great Seven's currently great reputations.

Since coming to TW, Yuu has been getting mixed signals on that end, so she really has no idea what's the truth and what's a lie when it comes to the Great Seven, much to her great frustration.

While Yuu is lost in thought, Sebek is going on a tirade similar to canon about how he can't believe anyone could have ever been so disrespectful to the Thorn Fairy.

Meanwhile, Malleus says it's not terribly surprising to him since it's easy for him to image that people feared her to that degree, considering how powerful she was.

Around that time, Lilia makes his appearance, like in canon, and Yuu is immediately suspicious cause he rarely ever runs around like this since teleporting is so much easier. Plus, he normally never passes up an opportunity to suddenly pop up before her and scare her with his typical jump-scare.

Perhaps the dream she had last night was a vision after all and one of the very near future....

Doing her best to remain calm, Yuu decides to continue with her day, with the plan of talking to Lilia after school since she feels the sooner she warns him about Malleus's impending OB, the better.

During the hours leading up to lunch, Yuu does her best to remain focused on her lessons and tries to temporarily forget about the Diasomnia situation.

For the most part, she succeeds with that endeavor, but Ace/Deuce are worried about her since they know something's off.

That's why, in typical Ace fashion, when all the first years are later eating lunch together, sans Sebek who's with the rest of the Diafam, Ace bluntly tells Yuu to come clean already and puts her on the spot since he knows that's the best way to get her to talk.

While Yuu knows Ace is only doing this cause he's worried, she still gets exasperated by his actions. Meanwhile, most of her other sons scold Ace for his lack of delicacy, with Grim adding this is why he'll never be popular with women, much to Ace's annoyance lol

Ortho also asks Yuu to tell them what's worrying her since she's always helping them when they need it, and he thinks it's only fair that they return the favor. Plus, he doesn't like seeing her struggle on her own.

Since Yuu can't possibly tell Ortho "no", especially when it's obvious that all her sons are worried about her, she decides to tell them about the dreams she had last night and how she's certain that means Malleus will OB.

Naturally, there's a lot of panic on the guys' end, and it takes a lot of effort to get them all to calm down so as to not attract any unwanted attention.

Ortho is quick to volunteer to tell Idia to see if there's anything the Shroud brothers can do to prevent Malleus's OB. They'll start researching and gathering data and comparing it to everything that was gathered on the other OB boys back in Book 6.

Regrettably, that's about all that can be done right now aside from Yuu personally talking to Lilia and trying to convince him to not cut himself out of his family's life since it's entirely possible an OB can be prevented if she hasn't had a vision about it, although she can't bring herself to be too hopeful.

The rest of her sons promise to pass this info along to their dorm leaders since it would be for the best if everyone's in the know, which is why Yuu intends to later text Jamil since she knows he'd also want to know.

Another thing that gets discussed is Mickey's existence because, after the discussion of Malleus's future OB, Grim brings up how Yuu abruptly woke him up last night, claiming she saw something in the mirror, which was originally what he thought the reason for her lack of sleep was, ergo he thought she was being a scaredy-cat and seeing things which led to her staying awake.

This leads to Yuu getting some concerned looks and raised eyebrows thrown her way, so she decides she might as well also tell them about Mickey since she did get that picture of him before the events of Book 6, which proves she's not out of her mind like she had first thought lol

Everyone is naturally very shocked when she tells them about Mickey and shows the picture of him that she took, which she's been keeping in her bag on the off chance she ever decided to have this discussion with someone since she'd obviously need evidence to ensure no one thought she was crazy.

Ace is quick to ask why the hell she never said anything sooner to which she reluctantly explains that Mickey is a cartoon character in her world, so for the sake of her sanity, she was reluctant to talk to anyone about him lol 😂

Thankfully, once everyone gets over the shock caused by that bombshell, Yuu's sons are more understanding since honestly if the roles were reversed they all think they'd also be reluctant to talk, especially since last night she confirmed that only she can actually see Mickey.

During this time, like in canon, Ortho talks about how the mirror could be a portal to another world just cause it somehow meets the right requirements.

He finds it especially intriguing that it connects to a world of a fictional character from Yuu's world since it makes him wonder if Mickey's world and Yuu's world are somehow connected. He also wonders if that connection is why only they can see each other when Mickey's dreams lead to him showing up in her mirror.

While Ortho is reeling off theories, he also at one point says that it's possible the answers they've been looking for behind Yuu's sudden appearance in TW might be answered by researching what's going on with Mickey.

With noticeable excitement, Ortho says that, if they figure out the mystery behind Mickey, they may be able to figure out the mystery behind how Yuu ended up in TW, which in turn could lead to them figuring out how they can make sure Yuu can stay in TW.

(By this point, Yuu has made it apparent that she doesn't want to return to her world, so instead, the main concern is that she'll eventually get forced back against her will. Yuu's biggest worry is that one day she'll just abruptly be sent back home, similar to how she suddenly ended up in TW.

Obviously, nobody wants this to happen, which is why Ortho is excited that there's now a possible lead they can follow since, up until this point, they've had no idea why Yuu was suddenly brought to TW and how it all happened with the Dark Mirror.)

Everyone else also get excited about this news, Yuu especially, since there's nothing she'd love more than a solid confirmation that she can stay in her new home for the rest of her life.

That's why, like in canon, everyone makes plans for sleeping in shifts at Ramshackle in hopes of talking to Mickey again and getting info from him, even Jack, who in typical tsundere fashion, says he just doesn't want anyone complaining about him not contributing rather than because he actually wants to help Yuu out, much to Yuu's amusement.

Ortho also wants to get Sebek involved in this plan since his fae knowledge should be helpful for their research/investigation. Since Yuu is the best at getting Sebek to agree to things, she agrees to be the one to talk to him since no one else wants that job lol

Around that time, the first year gang hears Sebek raise his voice, and things play out like they do in canon, with the only thing different being that Yuu realizes she's seeing the events of last night's vision play out.

Even if she can't hear any of the Diasomnia guys other than Sebek, Yuu knows exactly what's going on since everything is the same as her vision, such as their expressions, posture, etc.

Upon seeing how uneasy Yuu now looks, everyone at her table adopts similar expressions since she had told them about her vision from last night.

Immediately, Ortho begins subtly doing data scans on Malleus, as if expecting to detect blot accumulation this early on, although he says this data will still be useful even if such signs aren't found.

After Lilia eventually takes his leave with Sebek and Silver like in canon, the weather outside takes a turn for the worse, which Yuu confirms is happening cause of Malleus since it's obvious he's in a bad mood now, which further puts the majority of her sons on edge.

Just as she's wondering if she should approach Malleus in hopes of offering him some comfort, Yuu suddenly gets a chill down her spine, and at the same time, an alarmed Ortho reports that he's noticed signs of blot accumulation in the data he's receiving from Malleus, much to the distress of everyone else.

Yuu quickly calms them down and reveals that this has happened with some of the other OB boys in the past. They didn't OB immediately after this happened with each of them, so she doesn't think the same will happen with Malleus.

(I like the idea of Yuu being sensitive to blot accumulation when it happens in relation to Overblots. While she didn't get this feeling with all the OB boys since she wasn't around all of them when they had those moments of blot accumulation that are shown in canon, it happened with a few of them, but with Vil mostly due to her being around him so much during the month leading up to the SDC/VDC.)

Ortho confirms that theory since it would take a much larger amount of blot accumulation to affect someone like Malleus. Right now, the readings are something along the lines of what you'd see after a normal mage finishes using their magic for a practice battle/exercise.

However, that said, he still wants to talk to his brother as soon as he can since this is obviously just the beginning of things to come with Malleus.

While Ortho flies off to go see his brother, Yuu decides to go to the Diasomnia dorm to talk to Lilia because she won't have to worry about Malleus possibly overhearing this conversation if she does it now.

Plus, it'd make her feel better if she hurried up and told Lilia what's going to happen since he plays such a critical role in how things are supposed to play out with Malleus's OB.

That's why, rather than head to class with the others, Yuu heads for the Diasomnia dorm. Thankfully, she's able to get inside the dorm without any issue since there aren't guards during the day when it's a school day.

Once inside the dorm, Yuu quickly makes her way to Lilia's dormroom, which is where she finds him, Sebek, and Silver.

(She arrives after Silver finds the acorn bracelet and ring but before the conversation about Lilia's weapon.)

Upon seeing Yuu completely drenched thanks to the rain caused by Malleus and out of breath, the guys immediately approach her out of concern, and Sebek quickly uses his magic to dry her off, all the while scolding her for not being more careful/taking better care of her health.

His scolding gets cut off mid-way when Sebek realizes, after finally getting a good look at Yuu's face, that she's currently shaking, not because she got cold because of the rain, but because she's upset, which leads to him becoming further worried about her since it's rare for Yuu to get upset like this.

Meanwhile, Silver is gently rubbing her back, asking what's wrong/what happened/if there's anything they can get for her.

Despite her best intentions, Yuu let her emotions get the better of her while she was running to the Diasomnia dorm, which is why her poker face is no longer in effect and why she needs to take a moment to collect herself.

All the while, Lilia remains strangely quiet and is studying Yuu closely, obviously sensing that something serious is going on, although he refrains from questioning her like the other two boys.

Once she collects herself, Yuu weakly pleads for Lilia to reconsider taking himself completely out of Malleus and the others' lives, much to his and the others' surprise.

Yuu understands that Lilia can't control losing his magic, but where he ends up after leaving NRC is definitely something he should be able to control, so she pleads for him to not leave Malleus alone since he still needs Lilia.

To prove that, she finally tells them about her dreams from last night and how Ortho detected slight blot accumulation from Malleus just before she came here, which naturally Silver and Sebek find highly concerning, although Sebek, of course, finds it hard to believe that his beloved liege could ever Overblot.

Lilia is more calm about this news since he also finds it so hard to believe that Malleus of all people would OB. Plus, as Ortho said, it wasn't a serious level of blot accumulation, so he doesn't want everyone to get too worked up prematurely.

That said, Lilia also doesn't want to just dismiss Yuu's valid concerns, especially considering all of her experience with the other OBs that happened on campus.

Which is why Lilia promises Yuu that he'll give this matter a lot of thought since he can't leave Malleus in good conscience if there is a chance of him Overblotting cause of his departure, much to the relief of Yuu, Silver, and Sebek.

In the meantime, Lilia wants Silver and Sebek to keep a closer eye than usual on Malleus, just to be on the safe side, which, of course, the knights are more than willing to do.

He also asks them to go on ahead to class without him and Yuu since he thinks Yuu should take a moment to rest at their dorm before returning to class, and he thinks it's best that he stay and keep an eye on her.

There was some hesitancy on Sebek/Silver's end since they're both also worried about Yuu, but since they're also worried about Malleus, they decided it's best to return to school and leave Yuu to Lilia.

Once the two boys leave, Lilia offers to make her some tea, but Yuu quickly volunteers to do it since there's really no telling what Lilia will put in the tea, like with his cooking lol

After Yuu uses the Diasomnia dorm's kitchen to make some tea for herself and also grabs some tomato juice for Lilia while she's there, they both settle down in the lounge, and for a while, all they do is quietly drink their beverages.

Yuu eventually breaks the silence when she asks Lilia why he had decided to so abruptly pull himself away from his family. She knows the excuses he provided in her vision weren't the real reason for this decision.

Lilia reminds Yuu a lot of herself in that they both value family very highly. That's why she finds his recent behavior so suspicious since the Lilia she knows would want to be with his family for as long as possible. He wouldn't suddenly just decide to move across the planet, just cause he wants to make the most of his retirement.

Because nothing makes him happier than his family, just as nothing makes Yuu happier than being with her sons/friends at NRC.

It's obvious to Yuu that Lilia is actively avoiding his family for a reason, but for the life of her, she can't figure out why.

When Lilia goes a while without responding, Yuu assumes he won't give her the answers she's seeking, which is why she's surprised when he quietly confesses that he just doesn't want the boys to see him in a state that's even more pathetic than his current one.

Lilia knows his time is almost at an end, and things will only go further downhill from here. It won't be a pretty sight, which is why he wants to spare Malleus and the others from having to see it.

Even though in the back of her mind Yuu had been wondering if Lilia losing his magic meant he would also soon lose his life, she's still devastated to have that confirmed by him since she had been hoping that somehow he could still live a good while longer without his magic despite knowing he's been around for many centuries.

Despite her best efforts, Yuu can't stop herself from crying, having hit her limit after everything she has learned since last night.

As she's crying, she tells Lilia that he's unfair for trying to run off and die on his own like that. That won't make anyone happy, including himself.

There's no way he won't be miserable having to spend the rest of his life on his own, so he's essentially punishing everyone for the sake of his pride.

Lilia pulls her into a hug to comfort her. Seeing her in her current state, he can't bring himself to try to deny her words since he doesn't want to lie to her.

When Lilia remains silent, Yuu points out that he's really ignorant when it comes to how important he is to his family. How he misses that when he notices pretty much everything else is beyond her.

She asks him to at least try trusting her words, even if it's just for Malleus's sake, since she knows she'll need his help to save Malleus, and this is a crucial part of that process.

Lilia tells her that he does trust her since he's come to see her as a part of his little family as well. Despite how hard her words are to believe, he never for a second doubted her or thought she was lying.

That's why he promises that he'll keep things from getting out of hand with Malleus. He'll have a proper talk with Malleus and do whatever he can to ensure Malleus doesn't OB.

There's obviously nothing Lilia can do about leaving NRC, but he'll try to see about making changes to his plans following his departure in hopes that that'll improve the situation since he can't head for his original destination knowing that there's a possibility of Malleus Overblotting during his absence since he'll be too far away to help, which is the last thing he wants.

In the meantime, while Lilia is figuring things out, he tells Yuu to leave everything involving Malleus to him since he doesn't want her putting any more burdens on her shoulders when she's already gone through more than enough.

Yuu can tell that Lilia is genuinely worried about her, and despite being so used to having to fix things, she would like to leave this matter to him, especially since she thinks he would be able to do more good for Malleus than her.

Now, that's not to say she won't do anything. She would instead just focus her efforts on more simple things like talking to Malleus whenever she gets the chance and doing little things to cheer him up if he ever looks as if he needs a pick-me-up.

Plus, if she leaves Malleus's situation to Lilia, she can focus her full attention on the Mickey situation, which her instincts are telling her is equally important, especially considering Mickey has somehow seen Silver at some point.

(This is the one thing she hasn't told anyone about since she doesn't want to put Silver on the spot, but if she fails to get any answers from Mickey in the near future, she does intend to question Silver in hopes that he'll be able to make sense of Mickey's claim of having seen him before.)

That's why Yuu agrees to let Lilia handle this matter, much to his relief, although she insists on him keeping her updated and telling her if anything happens that she could help with.

After their chat and once Yuu has fully calmed down, they both return to classes since Yuu doesn't want to cause Grim, Ace, and Deuce further worry. Of course, they still worry in the end cause her eyes are red from crying.

For the rest of the day, ADeuce and Grim stick close to Yuu out of worry, so ADeuce are naturally the first ones to volunteer to stay the night at Ramshackle for the sake of Mickey research.

Things proceed like in canon with the quartet working on study guides provided by Riddle since this is meant to be a "study session".

Yuu is honestly grateful for the study guide since it gives her something productive to do and keeps her from being consumed by her thoughts, although dealing with Grim's whining isn't very fun lol

Eventually, the boys call it a night when midnight rolls around without any signs of Mickey showing up, which Yuu had expected since he's never shown up two nights in a row before.

Before she can go to bed like her sons quickly do, Yuu happens to look outside and notices the firefly-like lights that always mean Malleus is around.

Unable to pass up a chance to see him, especially after recent events, Yuu quickly hurries outside and releases a loud startled squeal once outside due to how freezing it is.

Upon hearing her, Malleus finally notices that he's making it snow and quickly fixes the weather since Yuu was shivering like crazy due to being bad with cold weather.

Like in canon, Malleus tells Yuu about what happened when he was a kid and how Lilia fixed the situation after he froze everything.

His story both warms and breaks her heart since it's nice to see how much Malleus cares about Lilia, but at the same time, it just makes recent events all the more painful to think about.

After he finishes reminiscing, Malleus asks why Yuu is up at such a late hour. Was she planning on going on a stroll like him?

Thinking it might help Malleus's situation if she asks for his help/"invites" him into the situation, Yuu tells him about the situation with Mickey and how she and her sons are investigating Mickey and the mirror in hopes of getting some answers.

Malleus finds the situation rather intriguing, so he agrees to give the matter some thought and promises to share any information he comes up with that he thinks may prove to be useful.

Yuu perks up upon hearing that since she's hoping that having something to think about/work on will help Malleus keep from dwelling too much on Lilia's situation.

Little did Yuu know that she'd eventually come to greatly regret ever telling Malleus about Mickey and the mirror.

[famousroadapricotpeanut]

I think most people ship William and Henry (or theyre just not friends) pre child murdurs and that's fine. Play it safe, avoid "proship" territory I guess?

There's just something perfectly vile about them still being close even after the murders. (As friends or, romantically)

I headcanon that the reason Henry waited 30 years to end William is because he went to jail for his crimes. His child is dead, he's unstable, he built the animatronics, he's weird, all the evidence points towards him. (Or William frames him..ooh drama)

Anyways, because Scott refuses to confirm anything it's safe to assume that Henry just waited around drinking coffee and building Charlie bots instead of stopping William.

At some point, he had to know William was behind it. But I don't see it as simple as, maybe Henry didn't have the evidence to get William arrested.

Rather William knew Henry could suspect it was him, they are close. And so he manipulates him, using Henry's low social intelligence against him. (I just HC that because off the books)

Henry thinks there's no way a guy like William would do something so horrible, and with the death of Charlie he just gets stuck in his own mind. I see Henry as a lonely person, and for his own selfish reasons he wants to keep William around since he's lost everything else.

And thing is, I can imagine Henry being so deeply depressed about his loss. But remember, someone murdered his child. To think he would never seek out who did it, is odd.

Eventually William disappears (when he gets springlocked lmao) Henry's alarmed by his disappearance but it actually causes him to do some detective work and unravel the culprit of the murders.

Tragic, Shakespeare would love it.

[al-hekima-madara-blog]

Speculation from the cavern part IV

Part I, Part II, Part III

Madara never needed Obito for achieving Infinite Tsukuyomi plan. I slowly came to this conclusion thanks to Lunyzare's post and Peek of eternity's reflexion.

Obito is probably the villain I empathy the least. As a consequence, he's also a character I don't really get his motive. Or should I say I get it, but I've found them shallow comparing to the scale of damages he did to the shinobi world.

If you really think about it, Originally, Madara only needs Nagato for his big plan. Only Nagato can summon the Gedo statue, bears rinnegan, and summons him back to life. All he needed to do is to brainwashed him enough into thinking he needs to be resurrect (but I don't even think he would have succeeded, Madara is a great schemer but a poor seducer contrary to Oroshimaru the exact reverse)

Obito is a superficial middleman in his project. He is mostly here because Madara craves for someone by his side. We don't know the reasons but we can guess :

Obito is his direct descendant he feels connected with him

just a clan companion that he still cares for (in the same way he cared for Sasuke by giving him "more" time and offer to collaborate with him)

or he saw his young innocent self in Obito

or he saw Izuna's character, since they share the same birthday

Even Obito himself at some point knows that there was something deeper than just a pawn. He insists so much in asking Madara : Who am I for you? - For context it just was after the grandiose Naruto's talk no jutsu.

Look ! He really seems genuinely hurt to have been rejected by Obito. In his twisted mind, holding his name and being his servant is the highest proof of trust Madara can give.

My opinion, Madara loves toxic relationship. We already saw this love/hate behaviour with Hashirama but with Obito he went even further in his delirium. He acted in both manner, very caring and very sadistic towards him.

How caring? First of all he chose him. He, as individualist and megalomaniac as he is, entrusted him with all he has left : his name and his dream. He also saved his life. Obito was half dead under this rock, it was really a desperate gesture. Do you guys remember when Tsunade spent hours studying and trying to save Lee's legs? And she was the best medical ninja at the time. Gai also even with advance technologies in Boruto is still disable. Madara isn't known to have such skills. He probably can do a decent job, after all he had a lot of free time to learn different type of jutsu in his cave, but by his own words it was a difficult task too save someone with half of his body crushed. On top of that chance of being compatible with Hashirama's cells are very low. You need a minimum of dedication to carry on while there is a lot of healthy and talented young Uchihas still alive. During the 4th war, He also physically protect Obito with his gunbai, finds excuse to justify why Obito didn't follow his plan, try to engage conversation with him many time (which Obito didn't respond at all). He only reversed his attitude when he realised that Nagato was not there anymore and Obito was definitely betraying him.

And about his sadistic side, well obviously Obito was his precious pawn in his great scheme. He careful crafted him to be his carbon copy. And in order to be a new Madara you need to have a taste of Madara's suffering. Obito too will loose everyone dear to his heart and also loose any hope in this world. He imposes on Obito his own trauma. A bit like a vampire's bite. Zetsu played with Madara's gullibility, Madara played with Obito's. If he can break this child as he had been broken in the past, it will confirm his own hopeless philosophy and artificially create a companion understanding his lonely perspective.

Toxic relationship at it's finest, I'm telling you !

[violetduchess]

Character Analysis #2

Subject: Diavolo [Obey Me]

2nd Installment of my Character Analysis Series. For the first part click Here

Diavolo, Prince of the Devildom, Ruler of Demons. Sounds intimidating, huh? His very name is feared among demons, angels, witches and the like, and yet this description doesn't match the image.

Or does it?

Join me as I endeavor to uncover the truth of Diavolo, The Lonely Prince.

Early Childhood

There have been many speculations about Diavolo's childhood, and very little has been confirmed. Here, I offer you my personal truths.

Diavolo was a lonely child, sole heir to the throne, and an only child. With his mother out of the way, having died in childbirth, young Diavolo was left to his father.

Make no mistake, Diavolo's father was a great if not a bit traditional king. He sought the best for his people and his kingdom, but in doing so pushed his son.

The Demon King was a strict ruler and strict father, keeping Diavolo so sheltered, that he wasn't even allowed to leave the castle. On a subconscious level, I believe he was scared to lose another person close to him. Diavolo was the last piece of his wife, and he wanted to preserve her memory.

Somewhere in this timeframe Diavolo met Barbatos, whom told him stories of the world outside the castle walls. He enjoyed speaking with Barbatos so much, that he asked him to stay with him. Barbatos, though always refused him until Diavolo finally convinced him to by threatening not to become the Demon King, otherwise. Barbatos agreed and has been loyal to him ever since.

[Side Note: I think Barbatos looked into the future to see if Diavolo was lying, and agreed to prevent that future.]

As Diavolo grown-up and his father tight leash over the kingdom began to slip, his mind wandered. What if he could make the Devildom better? What if he could unite all the realms? And thus began his plan.

He changed the Devildom, little by little making it more hospital for Angel's and Humans alike. Exchanging the currency from souls to Grimm. Outlawing Deal-making with humans, and restricting demons access to the human world.

But his plans really hit a turning point he fell. Lucifer. Heavens Morning Star. His Plans Climax. So he offered to save Lilith's life in return for unending loyalty. Now he had seven powerful pieces under his control.

The Demon King at this point no longer cares for the 3 Realms and allows Diavolo full reign, making him King in all but name.

He begins to strengthen the ties between the other two realms, allowing witches, and other magical beings into the devildom. He founds the Royal Academy of Diavolo (R.A.D).

Personality

Though Diavolo has an cheerful and laid-back personality, there is a reason he is king and none would dare to contest him. At the start many wanted to overthrow him, thinking he was weak for wanting to unite the realms. But soon would they find out the truth. Diavolo wasnt weak at all, he may have wanted peace, but he wasnt foolish enough to think all demons would be okay with it.

Many foolish demons tried attempts on his life. All met gruesome ends at his hand. There's a reason he's currently the most powerful entity in the Devildom.

He puts on a cheerful face to put his subjects at ease, let them think him foolish. Diavolo is a lot more intelligent then he let's on. He's always aware of what's going on.

The Diavolo when know an love is the result of a millennia of trust between him and the brothers. And MC? Sweet sweet mc, your not a threat and one of his precious exchange students, what use would you be if your terrified of him?

Relationships

Lucifer- What on the surface appears to be a strong friendship and possibly even romance is deeper and so much darker. If you recall Diavolo only offered his help in exchange for Lucifer's (and by extension his brothers) loyalty. It may not have been the nicest thing to do, but as a king it was a an great power play. He now had one of the strongest angel turned demon on his side. At that time it wouldn't surprise me to think that Lucifer may have hated Diavolo, but his pride would never allow him to voice or show it. In present times they are very good friends but it was not always that way.

Barbatos- The ever faithful servant and confidante of Diavolo. Diavolo is ever grateful for Barbatos, he cherishes his opinion and company. He genuinely wouldn't know what to do without him and Barbatos knows this. Barbatos has seen the worst and best in him and still believes his dreams achievable.

MC- Diavolo does genuinely like MC and considers them a friend, however at the end of the day he is the crowned prince and he won't put them above his kingdom. We all saw what happened when Belphagor was discovered, he wouldn't even bend his rules for lucifer, one of his oldest friends. And what happened when MC tried to talk him out of the punishment?

Fun Headcanons

Once as a prank Diavolo once replaced Barbatos aqua hair dye with a hot pink. He hid in the House of Lamentation all day.

He let Mammon take a treasure out of the royal vault as a birthday gift.

He enjoys playing video games with Leviathan even if he's terrible at it

During a tea session Lucifer accidentally knocked over Diavolo's cup and it spilled all over. Lucifer of course was mortified, but Diavolo couldn't stop laughing.

Diavolo likes to stop time in happy moments so he can remember them forever.

All rights reserved @violetduchess. All works of fanfiction belong to me, please do not copy, translate or repost any works without my express permission. Thank you.~☆

[itsuki-minamy]

"AYAKA - THE EVE OF A SPECIAL WEDDING" (Novel)

TRANSLATION: NARU-KUN

PROLOGUE: JINGI & SANGO

* List of Chapters

The island is called Ayaka Island.

From Ayaka Island, which is made up of seven islands, people live mainly in Ichinoshima and Ninoshima in the north, and only one person lives permanently in Sannoshima. "Shinoshima" is considered a sacred object of worship by residents, and entry is generally prohibited.

So what are the islands like beyond?

Ayaka Island is an archipelago made up of seven islands. If so, there should also be "Gonoshima", "Rokunoshima" and "Nananoshima". If you have at least some interest in geography, you will probably have these types of questions. Visit the Ichinoshima library, take out an old map and confirm that the islands exist. If you're curious, you'll probably want to try it yourself.

But there is no way to go.

People in the town hall, railway workers on the sea train or fishermen sailing the nearby seas. When you ask about "the island beyond", everyone will just shake their head. You can't go there. The islands are isolated from the outside world by complicated ocean and air currents, and cannot be reached by normal means.

Normal media.

So can we get there using special means?

No one will answer that question.

If the questioner has good intuition, he will intuit that the answer is yes. You can probably guess it from the uncomfortable expressions on the faces of city officials, railroad workers, and fishermen.

And they too, sensing what the questioner has guessed, will say this to remind him.

"Don't try to go beyond Gonoshima. If you still want to be human."

++++++++++

That day, Sakawa Jingi was unusually alone.

The reason Yukito, who normally stays as a bonus, is not there is because his teacher, the Great Immortal Yanagi Makoto, has taken him away. He doesn't know where or what he went to. There are many mysteries surrounding Yukito Yanagi, who came to Ayaka Island as Yanagi's son three years ago, and like today, it happens once a month that Yanagi takes him somewhere.

He wondered if Yukito will cry again.

Although he was a little worried about it, it was comforting to be alone for the first time in a long time. Although Jingi likes his younger brother, there were, of course, times when he was lonely as a child, and he couldn't help but feel a sense of relief in his absence.

Should he invite his friends Kotaro Yashiki and Koichi Saruwatari to hang out with him, or maybe he should just catch some fancy fish and go sell it? While he was thinking about that, Jingi was walking aimlessly on the sandy beach.

He found a girl.

''......''

Jingi looked at the girl for a while, her flip flops getting wet from the waves. She was probably seven or eight years old, about the same age as him. Her long, wavy hair is blue-black and her eyes are pale red. Her thin pale blue dress was soaked and she had no shoes on her feet, which were sunk in the sand.

The reason Jingi was staring at the girl was because he was fascinated by her beauty... but of course not. She was simply an unknown face. Unlike Ichinoshima, the number of residents in Ninoshima is limited and it can be said that all children of the same age know each other.

"Who are you?"

Her pale red eyes turned to Jingi.

Her pale red lips parted, but no sound came out. Her expression was one of astonishment. It's like he didn't even know where she was.

Jingi tilted his head thoughtfully.

Since he has never seen her face, she could be a girl from Ichinoshima or a tourist. However, the fact that she was soaked and barefoot bothered him. It's still too early to play in the water, so he wondered if she fell off a tour boat somewhere and was swept away by the current by chance.

As he thought about that, tears suddenly appeared in the girl's eyes.

"Ah..."

The girl's shocked expression collapsed and she covered her face with her sand-covered hands as large tears fell.

Jingi grew impatient. Although he gained notoriety in Ninoshima at a young age, he was not so bad that he could remain calm in front of a crying girl. He quickly put down the backpack he was carrying and began frantically searching for something to calm the girl down.

There was a half-drunk cider.

Jingi grabbed it, took off the cover, and approached the girl as he kicked the sand and grumbled.

"Hey!"

The girl looked up. Every time she blinked, tears fell like jewels.

"This! Here! Don't cry!"

The girl looked at the bottle of cider that she had pressed to her nose as if it were something she was seeing for the first time.

The girl took the bottle.

"......?"

Still, she did nothing but tilt her head and continue looking. Jingi was furious and imitated drinking from the bottle.

"Hey, don't you know cider? That's how you drink it."

"......"

The girl followed him obediently. When she put her mouth over the bottle and tilted it, the carbonated liquid flowed into her mouth.

"Eh?! Pueh, cough, cough!"

She choked profusely.

Jingi caught the bottle of cider that she accidentally dropped. Looking at the back of the girl's head as she coughed, Jingi became even more anxious. He was afraid that she would start crying again, but she betrayed his expectations.

"Hehe, hehe."

The cough gradually turned into a happy voice. The girl looked up and looked at Jingi. She was laughing and her nose was running.

"It's so sweet and soft. Fufufu!"

"...Heh."

With that, Jingi also relaxed and laughed.

When he offered the bottle again, the girl accepted it naturally. She began to drink it slowly, as if she were taking a sip. Jingi sat next to her, who stuck out his salty tongue every time she asked. Their butts were cold from the wet sand, but none of the children on the island care about that.

"Hey, what's your name?"

"......?"

Once again, the girl looked at Jingi curiously, and then...

"Sango."

That's what she answered.

"Sango." He murmured softly, pointing at his chest with his thumb.

"I'm Jingi. Have you ever heard of Ninoshima's Jingi?"

"No."

Sango immediately shook her head, but Jingi didn't feel particularly discouraged.

"Oh, there it is. So, you're from outside. Where do you come from?"

"......"

After blinking several times, Sango looked around her and pointed in a certain direction.

"Over there."

She made a straight line to the horizon.

"Hmm. Maybe Tokyo. Well, let's go, Sango."

"Where to?"

"Anywhere, though. There's no point in being depressed in a place like this."

With that, Jingi stood up and started walking quickly.

Sango was staring at his back, still clutching the cider bottle. When he looked back after taking about five steps, she tried to get up in a panic and fell.

"Aaah."

The cider came out of her hand and fell onto the sand, and the carbonated water flowed onto the sand. Jingi sighed and approached Sango again.

"What are you doing?"

"...It's been a long time since Arukuno."

"Eh?"

Jingi frowned. He turned his back on Sango and crouched down, wondering if all the city's inhabitants were like this or if they all walked autonomous paths.

"It's really strange living in a city. Look."

"Eh..."

"I'll put you on my back. I bet you can't even ride on my back."

"No."

Jingi leaned down, resting Sango's weight firmly on his back, and then slowly stood up. As expected, she weighed more than Yukito, but not so much that he couldn't walk. Staggering, Jingi stood up from the sandy beach.

(For now, let's go back home. She's probably lost and if I take her to an adult, they'll probably be able to take care of her.), Jingi thought.

Suddenly.

Something shiny appeared in front of him.

"Ah?"

When he looked closely, it looked like some kind of jewel. It was small and flat, and although it was exposed to sunlight, it gave off a mysterious glow. Sango, who was clinging to Jingi's neck, had grabbed the gem before he realized it.

"What is this?"

Sango was close to his ear as she answered the simple question.

"Kisuirin."

"Eh?"

Jingi had no idea what that was.

However, his eyes turned to "Kisuirin". The jewel, whose brilliance changed intricately depending on the angle and reflected a variety of colors, was more beautiful than anything Jingi had seen in his short life.

Just when he was thinking, "Wow, how beautiful!", Sango was next to his ear again.

"In exchange for the cider. Do you want it?"

"What?! Really?"

"Oh, really."

At times like this, Sakawa Jingi was a boy who didn't hold back. He quickly grabbed it with one hand, raised it so that he could see it through the sun, and then let out an innocent voice.

"Yay! Thanks, Sango! Even if you ask me to give it back, I won't!"

"Yes."

Sango chuckled as she placed her lips on the back of Jingi's neck.

"Alright."

+++++++++++

Unfortunately, there was no one in the Amamiya residence.

Well, in that case, he just had to wait until they return. Leaving Sango on a cushion in the living room, Jingi tossed her a towel and a change of clothes. This is the clothes that Grandma Amamiya wears.

As expected, he couldn't help the girl change her clothes, so a few minutes after closing the sliding door, Sango's voice said, "Okay.", and Jingi opened it again.

"Uwah!"

He couldn't help but be surprised.

An excess of lace adorns the collar of the pale beige shirt. That is what is called Baba shirt. Seeing little Sango wearing it as a dress was indescribably funny. Sango tilted her head in confusion, but then noticed her reflection in the glass window and let out a laugh.

After laughing for a while, Jingi brought snacks and juice. The idea was that, if he ate it alone, he would be scolded for it, but if he excused himself by saying that he had served it to a customer, he would be forgiven.

"Hey, where do you come from?"

Jingi asked as he popped the bun, Sango idly dangling her legs on the terrace.

"Kisui no Sato."

"Sato? Is there such a city in Tokyo?"

"What is Tokyo?"

"What, you don't know about Tokyo?"

Sango shook her head.

Jingi crossed his arms and growled.

"Hmm..."

Sango bowed her head and crossed her arms in the same way.

"Hmm?"

"No, you don't have to imitate me. And then what? You're not from Tokyo, are you? Ichinoshima, then?"

Sango shook her head.

"Mmm.", Jingi groaned again. Sango tried to imitate him again, but he ignored her and thought about it.

It is not Tokyo, Ichinoshima or Ninoshima. To begin with, he found it very strange that she didn't know anything about Tokyo. Even small children who live in the countryside know Tokyo, Osaka and Kyoto, and many of them want to go there one day.

So where exactly does Sango come from?

At that, Jingi stopped thinking.

"Well, I don't care. Here, eat this too. It's delicious."

"Yes."

As he gave Sango a dango, Jingi thought, "I should leave the rest to the adults."

He didn't have to think about where that girl came from. At that moment, what was more important was how many snacks he could eat with that broth.

Sango sat next to Jingi and started picking up some dango.

"Hey, Jingi."

"Yes?"

"The Kisuirin, which I mentioned before. Please take good care of it."

As she spoke in a hesitant tone, her pale red eyes looked at Jingi.

Jingi shivered involuntarily.

It was because she had a sharp gaze that was unbecoming of a childish person, as if she was looking directly at something.

However, Jingi was also a child. If a woman is scared, she will cry because of the infamous "Arakure Jingi" that echoes throughout Ninoshima. He puffed out his chest and spoke loudly.

"Okay! Even if you ask me to give it back, I won't!"

"I understand."

Sango smiled and put her index finger to her lips. At that moment, she had returned to being the innocent girl she was before.

Although he was suspicious of the change, he was not deeply worried. He stood up from the porch and pointed to the ceiling.

"There's a game in my room, so let's play."

"Yes, I will! What's the game?"

"You don't know either... well, I'll tell you. Bring that with you."

Sango started walking towards Jingi, carrying a tray of sweets. After almost falling, Jingi took the tray of sweets, sighed, and started walking up the stairs.

After that, they played several games together for a while.

He didn't really know anything about Sango. She seemed to have never seen television, much less a games console, and she looked curiously at the screen, asking all kinds of questions.

(Seriously, where does this girl live?)

That question came up again. However, as he taught Sango how to play and watched her play with fascination, he began to not care about it anymore. Watching Sango animate and move her body the way the 3D modeled characters flew and jumped was much more interesting than the game he had been playing all the time.

Finally, Grandma Miya returned.

Jingi briefly explained the situation to the old woman whose eyes widened when she saw Sango. The Amamiya family has owned the lands of Ninoshima for generations, and Grandma Amamiya has hidden power as a local celebrity. If you leave it to her, she won't care about it.

As expected, the situation went exactly as Jingi had planned.

Although the old woman was surprised, she still did not abandon the lost girl. She called some acquaintances, who called other acquaintances, and so on, and the information about "Kisuigu Sango" spread throughout the island in the blink of an eye.

However, that was all he expected.

Two hours after Grandma made the first call, many people began to enter and leave Amamiya's house. From the other side of the door he can hear whispers, sighs and desperate voices. He started listening to them all the time and it affected Jingi's concentration.

That's why he lost the match. Seeing the character fall into the hole, Jingi handed the controller to Sango and tried to open the door to see what was happening.

The door opened by itself.

On the other side, the old woman Amamiya and Makoto Yanagi were standing.

"Huh, Master? What's wrong?"

Looking at Makoto's expression, Jingi intuitively felt an unusual presence.

A calm and relaxed person who doesn't care about small details is the usual attitude of Makoto Yanagi, the "Great Hermit". He was staring at Sango with a stern look on his face that he had never seen before. Makoto asked Grandma Amamiya in a low voice.

"Is that the girl?"

"Yes."

Makoto nodded and entered the room. The old woman quickly grabbed Jingi's hand as he looked stunned.

"Jingi. Come here."

"No."

Reluctantly, Jingi left the room. Sango looked back. She compared Makoto and Jingi, who was about to be taken away.

Her pale red eyes blinked anxiously.

Jingi screamed desperately as his grandmother carried him away.

"Master! She is not a bad girl!"

Makoto looked at Jingi and smiled bitterly.

"I won't do anything too harsh. I just want to confirm something."

With that, he closed the door behind him.

As his grandmother carried him downstairs to the living room, Jingi kept looking back.

That was the last time Jingi and Sango met face to face.

"This girl is the daughter of Kisui Palace."

Later, Makoto explained it properly. With a serious expression on his face, which he doesn't always have, he sat him down in front of him and had a face-to-face conversation with him. Kurama and Ibuki came to see what was going on, but Makoto left them outside. It was rare that Makoto explained things so kindly and in detail to Jingi, his third disciple.

"Kisuinomiya is a prominent family in Gonoshima. They live their own lives in Gonoshima and have almost no connection with other human societies, do you understand what I'm saying?"

Jingi blinked a few times and then shook his head.

"Ah.", Makoto took a deep breath. He grabbed the tray of cigarettes that was next to her and let the spark fall.

"Well, that's right. That girl is a different creature from us. Don't forget everything that happened today, Jingi."

"......"

"I don't care if she is any other spiritual person, but Kisui Palace is really bad. They operate with a different logic than us. However, that girl seems to like you. If you don't do it right, you will be tricked."

Jingi thought for a moment and then asked.

"What happened to Sango?"

Makoto responded, exhaling smoke into the air.

"I will respectfully return her to Gonoshima. Like I said, I won't do anything abrupt. You and that girl will continue to live your lives as before."

Jingi didn't understand half of what Makoto was saying.

What he barely understood is that Sango lives in a different world than Jingi and his friends.

His friend who came from somewhere and played with him for a while was about to return home. He wasn't that obsessed with trying to restrain her, but he just asked a question that came to mind.

"Will we ever meet again?"

Makoto narrowed his eyes and shook his head silently.

"It's impossible. Give up."

Jingi nodded obediently.

"I understand."

There was no lie. Although he was known as a bad boy, he respected Makoto from the bottom of his heart. If Makoto, the great hermit and master of connections, says it is impossible, then it must really be impossible.

Still, he couldn't help but feel discouraged. Seeing Jingi with his head lowered, Makoto scratched his cheek awkwardly and then said in a serious tone:

"Ah... sorry to ask at a time like this, but did you get anything from that girl?"

Jingi looked up. Makoto drew an oval in the air with his finger, the size of a boiled egg.

"It's about this size and it's like shiny scales. If you have it, show me."

Jingi looked directly at Makoto and said in a clear voice:

"I have not received anything."

It was a big lie. He respected Makoto from the bottom of his heart, but that was different. She gave it to him, so it's his. If he showed that "Kisuirin" there, Makoto would probably confiscate it. He refused that.

Makoto didn't seem to have any doubts. "I see." He replied simply, and stroked Jingi's head with his large palm.

"I'm sorry. She's a friend you had a hard time making."

Those words made him feel a little guilty. But at the same time he started to think: "Okay, if that's the case, I won't be able to find out." Jingi didn't even respond and looked down with a solemn expression on his face.

The "Kisuirin" glowed silently in Jingi's pocket.

Twelve years have passed since then.

[towardtheonetheperfection]

Tishrei 2, 5784

I can’t find genuine authenticity in myself anymore. Any attempt to tell the truth feels like a lie. Social media ruined the spark I had. I can’t post without thinking if it’ll perform well. Not posting for a while helped, but I still have my audience there. I want to help them. They followed me because I was helping them.

I have so many toxic thoughts running through my mind constantly. I would never say these things to another person.

I shouldnt speak about Judaism if I’m patrilineal. I can’t share a Jewish experience because of that. I went through conversion too. Still not really Jewish. There was a woman on my beit din. So it didn’t count.

I shouldn’t teach about chassidut if I don’t keep Shabbat and kosher. Even though it sets my heart on fire.

Who is going to tell me the truth? I don’t want to hear platitudes and welcoming. I want someone to confirm what I’m saying: I don’t belong. I shouldn’t be here. Leave it to the real Jews. At least then I could stop living between worlds.

Sometimes I think it’s good to talk about the things I care about online because maybe I could inspire a real Jew to do more mitzvot and that feels good and important. It’s not that it doesn’t count when I do it, it’s just…it doesn’t count as much.

I hate that the way my heart feels right now, so utterly lonely and unbelonging and voiceless, is exactly what my husband warned against when he talks about how much he dislikes religion. It isolates people and makes them feel bad. And he’s not wrong, the social aspects of religion do make me feel like that.

But galut is a poison. I feel so weak of spirit. I wish my partner could know me as deeply as I want to be known. Maybe that’s too much to ask.

I also recognize the extent to which I’m contributing to the cycle of loneliness what has accompanied me since childhood. I’m an only child. I spent so much time alone. My parents didn’t know how to handle my emotional needs. Sometimes they got angry at me for no reason. It’s just easier to not have needs, even if it breaks my own heart at least no one else is doing it to me.

Every time I try to speak up about something that excites me among real life friends I feel stupid and they don’t understand. It bubbles out of me. But they don’t ask questions and they don’t seem interested and that hurts so I’ve just decided to keep it to myself and 23,000 people on the internet(!).

I haven’t cried like this in a long time. I wonder if my ego is in full force. I hate it. My ego wants me to feel special and lonely like no one else can relate to my problems. Maybe the best way to get rid of that is to talk about these things publicly. It’s a balance I guess.