#he did everything for whatever shitty woman he was with at the time. we were never a priority

[running-in-the-dark]

shit I think I've just admitted to myself for the first time that I kind of hate my dad

[nervoushottee]

With Want | Paul Atreides x Fem!Reader

Summary: Paul Atreides always had dreams. But from the very beginning, there was an invisible string pulling him to you.

Warnings: (MDNI 18+) Reader's secret name is Nuri, Set in Dune Part 2 , fingering, soulmate/destined pairing, shitty understanding of the Dune universe (only watched the first Dune move and only half of Dune part 2 whoopsie so I'm probably butchering some of the lore or whatever. Its fanfiction babes, I'm not writing this for accuracy),

Note: Hey hottees!! Y'all I'm not even finish watching Dune 2 and I started writing this. Timothee was doing something to me in this movieeee. Hope y'all enjoy!

*not edited at all babes*

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Paul Atreides had dreams. Both enchanting and horrifying dreams that would eat away at his mind and soul. And from the very beginning, he had always felt this small pull of a feeling. 

It was weirder than his dreams because even when he woke, he still felt it. Like it was a small tether, a light string in his heart and soul that hummed so softly. A light that was so dim that you would have to squint to see. 

After everything that happened with his father and being forced out of his home. The Fremen people found him and his mother. And that feeling grew stronger. He thought it was about the sayings of what his mother, the Bene Gesserit, would tell him but it felt more than that. 

It was odd, he could never see what it was in his dreams, or hear whispers of it like a name. But it was always that same enchanting feeling. So when Paul followed the Fremens, it continued to grow. By the time they walked deeper into the caves, it went from a strong pull to an overwhelming presence. 

And that’s when he saw you. 

“Who is she?” Paul asks Chani. The young woman already knew who Paul was asking for before she turned her head. A small smile engulfs on her face. “Nuri.”

Nuri.

Paul repeats your name to understand the feeling on his tongue. He hadn’t seen you before. Or maybe he did, he wasn’t too sure. The Fremen people covered their faces from the desert and a lot from what he was learning.

‘She moves like the wind.’ Paul says to himself as he watches you glide through the crowded room. Paul’s eyes meet yours briefly. Yours blue from your sclera to your irises. You stop moving through the crowd to stare at him. 

That feeling buzzed around him, stronger than ever within Paul as his eyes never leaving  yours. Your lips slowly turn up into a smile. Your eyes move towards Chani who still stands next to him, nodding in acknowledgement. Chani repeats the same gesture with a smile on her face, your gaze lingers back on Paul before a group of people walk in front of Paul’s view of you. By the time the people separate. You were gone. And the feeling suddenly fades from a sharp intensity to a dull buzz. 

“You should be careful around her Outworlder.” Chani says to him in a low tone as the common area starts to get a bit busy with people. The two of them sit down on a blanket as other where for food. 

“Was she with the group when you found me and my mother?” Paul asks, dodging the statement his acquaintance gave him. 

Chani shakes her head, chewing her food before speaking, “No. She doesn’t come with us all the time.”That intrigued Paul. He turns himself fully towards Chani, his bowl of food mixed with spice long forgotten . “So is she not a fighter?” 

“She is.” Chani says between chews, ”But she also walks with the Sayyadina.”

The Sayyadina. The Fremen’s Reverend Mother. 

“From what I’ve been told, her family was killed just after she was born. Stilgar took it upon himself to look after her. As she grew, the Sayyadina felt something within her. So Stilgar gave them the authority to let her walk with them. She is truly a great fighter, so when we need good fighters she will come with us when necessary. If not, she stays.” Chani continues. 

“A fighter and one that walks with the Sayyadina? Is that possible?” Paul questions. 

“To a nonbeliever? No. But to those who do? Yes. Stilgar believes in the old ways and in the faith. The Lisan al Gaib.” She says to him in a taunting tone which causes Paul to avert his eyes. The moment they came in, some shouted hatred towards him and his mother but others screamed in rejoice, calling him The Lisan al Gaib.

“Our people follow behind him, he is a good leader and his judgment is almost always right and trustworthy.” Chani finishes. 

Paul sits with the information he tells her, his hands slowly dipping in his bowl to start eating the food that was cold to touch but warm against his tongue. The heat of the spice warms his insides as it goes down his throat. “And what about you? What do you believe?”

”I don’t believe that you’re the Lisan al Gaib, that's for sure.” She chuckles. Paul feels his cheeks flush in embarrassment but urges her to continue. “I believe in our people. And she is a part of our people. And if she plays some part in whatever faith stories then so be it. But she has never faltered in training. She has never failed in the dessert and she is a good friend. She believes in our people as much as I do.”

After the words Chani said, Paul felt that she was over talking about you, more hungry and interested in the spice beneath her fingers. So Paul didn’t ask anymore. He ate his food in silence but his mind was racing with the thoughts of you. 

—— —— —— ——

The day had turned into night. Stilgar showed him and his mother the small room for them to sleep in for the time being until their fate was decided. A lot of them didn’t trust him and his mother, and for that Paul understood. 

His dreams woke him in the late night. Lifting his head from the makeshift pillow, he looks over to his mother who is still sound asleep. Her hand was placed on her lower stomach. 

‘Rest easy sister, I will be back.’ He says in his head before getting up and quietly leaving the room.

The caves are quiet at night. Besides from the guards that linger within the open spaces to protect those who rest. Paul doesn’t think it’s necessary but he avoids walking around where they are. Just in case to not stir any trouble. The people were calm at the moment since their fates were going to be decided soon enough. 

He walks to the small body of water his mother had told him about. The scared waters of the Fremens. The waters they would never touch. He sat there for a while. Enjoying the stilllness in the air and the calm look of the water. It reminded him of home. “I miss you father. I will take care of mother and sister.” He says to himself quietly. 

He wants to cry but reminds himself to save his water. “Don’t waste your tears on the dead” from what Stilgar told his mother. 

Paul sat still for a moment longer before he felt that pull again. That invisible string strong and tight as it pulls him to his feet. He absentmindedly walks into a dimly let hallway, his pulse quickening against his neck. His heat beating erratically against his chest as he turns the corner to see you. “You’re Nuri.” Paul states.

“You shouldn’t be out at night Paul Atriedes.” You say to him, your back towards him but he can hear the teasing smile within your words.

“I couldn’t sleep.” Paul explains to you simply, “And I made sure to walk where the guards can not see me.” The feeling nearly suffocates him as he walks toward you. 

“Ah.” You turn towards him, you’re dressed in almost the same comfortable linens as him. His a tan brown color and yours an off white. “You and your dreams.”

How did you know about that? He questions in his head, unconsciously taking another step towards you. You both now at arms length.

“I see you in my dreams.” Paul lies. 

“Do you?” You ask back, your tone sounds as if you know he’s lying. 

“No but I can feel you. In my dreams and out. And I don’t know what it is or what it means.” He explains. 

You hum in satisfaction as you slowly walk around him. Like a beast or a predator trapping its prey. “And what do you feel now?” 

He feels like his body is vibrating, His skin tingling and his veins jumping. His fingers buzzing as if he wants to reach out and touch you. He does what to touch you, he wants to feel your skin on his. “What do you feel?” Paul asks the question back to you.

You stop walking to stand behind him. The hairs on his neck stick out as he feels your body heat near him. Your lips slowly grazing his ear making his eyes flutter close. 

What the hell is happening to him?

“I feel like the spice on my tongue. I feel like the sand beneath my feet. I feel like the beauty you see in your dreams. I can feel you.” You whisper against him. 

Paul turns around to you, your bodies closer than ever. His lips inches towards yours as his flickers between your eyes and your lips. 

“You speak in tongues.” Paul whispers to you desperately.

“Shall I tell you in a way you understand?” You whisper against his lips. 

“Yes please.” he begs softly. 

And you don’t hesitate to put your lips on his. Paul moving quickly as his hands clasp softly against your cheeks. Moaning in the delight as he feels your hands glide against his chest, gripping his shirt. 

He feels you everywhere, but it isn’t overwhelming anymore. Now that he’s holding you and tasting you, your tongue glides against his. He feels a wave of warmth wash over him as his body and soul settle into the feeling of you. 

So warm and inviting. So enticing and serene. 

You push him towards a dark hidden spot in the hallway. Your bodies are engulfed in darkness but when you break apart for air, you can see him all the same. Paul moves you toward the wall, his body trapping you in as he kisses your neck. 

“I’ve dreamt of you, Paul Atreides. I’ve seen you in my dreams, felt you lingering in my mind, heart and soul.” You say to him breathly. Moaning quietly as you feel his tongue glide against your neck. Your guide his hand to touch your breast, causing Paul to move away from your neck and look into your eyes. 

‘So beautiful.’ Paul thought. He brings his other hand on your cheek and kisses you hungrily. Squeezing your breast, feeling the weight of it in the palm of his hand.His hand glides to let your nipple slip in between his fingers as he squeezes.“I want to dream of you. I want to see you in my dreams, want to hear your voice call my name.” he mutters to you in between kisses.

When you break away from his kiss, Paul starts to ask what’s wrong until he feels your hand on his and glides it up to your lips. You kiss his fingers individually as he stares at you in adoration and desire. You slowly slip his middle and ring finger into your mouth causing Paul to groan. His hips shifting upwards against you as he feels the wetness of your warm tongue glide against his fingers. He watches as you pull his fingers out of your mouth, his digits glistening wet. Your hands glide his now wet ones down and underneath your linen pants.

“Touch me and you will see me.” 

He lets his hand glide against you as is greeted by your wetness, causing you both to moan out in pleasure. You are sinking deeper into the wall and Paul sinking deeper into you. His fingers continue to glide there experimentally as you pull him back for a kiss. “Help me see.” Paul mutters desperately against you

. 

Your hands reach down in your lines to move his hand into the position you need for him to make you feel good. You mimic a small circular rotation with your fingers on the back of his hand that was still against you. Once Paul understands, he begins to move his fingers in the motion you instructed, making you moan against his lips. 

He pulls away to watch you. You looked more ethereal than any other being or spirit that was believed in all of Arrakis. Your head back against the mountain wall, your lips slightly open as you moan. Your hips moving against his fingers as if you’re chasing for pressure. Paul dips his head in the corner of your neck and kisses it feverishly as he applies more pressure in his movements. Causing you to hold on to shoulder and call out his name. Oh how he wanted you to say his name again.

Feeling a little confident he glides his fingers down, but keeps his them pressed against your swollen bud. He pushes his middle finger inside of you causing you to gasp. You hold onto his shoulder gripping his shirt as you breathe heavily. You drag his head from your neck to kiss him. With his finger going in and out of you at an agonizing slow pace, you kiss him sloppily. But Paul doesn’t seem to mind, he enjoys it. Humming against you with a smile. 

When you feel his ring finger follow in for a second is when you lose it. “Paul!” you say loudly. 

His tongue mingles with yours as he silences your cries. With the slow circling of his thumb against your clit and the way he pushes his fingers into you makes you clench against him. “Fuck.” he moans. 

You whine as you feel your orgasm growing inside of you. The feeling you both shared with one another makes you feel even more on edge as you grip Paul in anyway you can. You rapidly as you feel yourself getting close. “Pau-Paul -” you begin to tell him as such but the building pleasure doesn’t get you far. Paul places his other hand against your cheek, tilting your head to look up at him. His eyes hooded and his cheeks flushed. You feel his thumb brush against your bottom lip. 

“Let me see you.” 

His words are the final push that sends you over the edge. Paul kissing you to silence your cries, you mewling against his lips as his fingers never stop their learned rhythm. You shiver against his fingers, your body tingly and warm. He kisses your face from your cheeks, to your eyelids and everywhere in between as he waits for you to come down from your high. He whispers your name, making you flutter your eyes open to see Paul stare at you with want. 

“Show me again.”

[agendabymooner]

SOMETHING SPOILED !!! FERNANDO A. X FEM!READER (18+)

summary: she could easily get away with things and when she couldn’t, he always made sure to put her back in her place

content warning: smut (minors dni!), pwp(ish?), what is context, explicit language, themes of jealousy and sugar daddy/baby relationship, degradation, dumbification, spitting, dacryphilia, impact play, brief mention of oral sex (m receiving), brat taming (dom!fernando), brief lance stroll x reader interaction, shitty smut, what’s beta reading we just rawdog our writing in here

note: i will be making a separate masterlist for this i think… lmk what you think and enjoy xx

a - n masterlist

o - z masterlist

send your 💌re:moony’s planner requests here!

she can get away from a lot of things. she knew that. fernando knew that. 

in fact, fernando would even reward her for it. after all, she never demanded too much and all he wanted was to give her the world.

she wanted a new pair of shoes? he’d buy her the sneakers AND a pair of red bottoms. she wanted something from macy’s? fuck that; he’d have his assistant book the whole floor of harrods just so she can pick out new clothes for her closet. 

he would give her everything. even if she tends to be very playful and hilarious, he’d give her everything just to see it.

her cheekiness was a welcome distraction from his busy life as a professional racer. she’d often tease him in different ways but not once did she ever cross the lines and tested his patience and limits. she wasn’t really a brat, to say the least— she’d often give up by the time fernando would wrap his arms around her and press kisses all over her face.

and if she didn’t give up her act, he’d put her back to her place. it rarely happened, and when it did— they were rough. she would continue to act up just so he could punish her. she welcomed the pain with no hesitation and allowed him to control her like she was nothing but a body to be tossed around. 

she could get away from a lot. whenever she couldn’t, her excitement would soak through her knickers while thinking about his next move.

but right now, she wasn’t really at fault for being so bratty. her petulant attitude toward him wasn’t something that she expected from herself, but when her partner continued to ignore her throughout the party after arriving separately— the least she could do was throw his attitude right back at him. more petulantly, if you were to compare her actions to his.

she sat by the bar counter and quietly sipped on her drink, her ears ringing at the sound of his laughter from the distance alongside other men while they spoke about the happenings during the race earlier today.

she looked so pathetic like this; dressed up in the prettiest slip dress that turned to be a fabric of despair. she was the prettiest woman to have ever existed, and even the rest of the grid thought so, yet she looked so alone. she blamed fernando for this. 

all she wanted was him. she only wanted him right now. nothing more, nothing less. 

yet, in a world where he’d give her everything, he wouldn’t hand himself over to her. instead, he was laughing with lewis and carlos as they chatted about whatever the fuck it was. 

“you’d make a good renaissance painting,” her head shot up at the sound as she found lance stroll sitting next to her. the canadian beamed at her teasingly before sipping on his whiskey on the rocks. 

she scoffed, “if you want to see me naked, just say that.” 

lance laughed over the club music that continued to bust everyone’s eardrums. he then continued, “i would say that but do i really want to get my engines busted by a certain teammate before the next race?” 

her thoughts drifted back to fernando, who, from afar, had gone quiet (not that she knew that), before she rolled her eyes. “don’t be stupid,” she said, “i don’t think he’d care enough to ruin your car.” 

“you’re underestimating the man,” lance chuckled, “way too much, if anything. he could kill with just a look if anyone’s made a passing comment about you.” 

“i really should stop showing up at these stupid races,” she muttered quietly, “it’ll get worse as soon as people find out i hang out in the garages or paddock.”

“why?” lance asked, his frown an evident of concern as he said, “are you two not a…” 

“no, we’re not,” she interrupted with a huff, downing the rest of her drink as she continued, “it’s still the same arrangement. i could just stay at home and still get an allowance— i dunno why i said i’d come with him. look where i am now. he’s doing the same shit he does whenever he’s arriving at the paddock— i have to go after him so nobody knows who i am.” 

it was so obvious that she and fernando should be more than a mutually beneficial arrangement. he showed her something more than financial support and casual intimacy— yet he kept it on the down low as if she’s just a pastime. 

“damn,” lance muttered, offering her a sympathetic smile as he said, “is the money that good?”

“i don’t even care about the money anymore,” she laughed quietly, her eyes pausing from their track as she saw the obvious glare from her partner. he certainly wasn’t happy with what he was seeing.

yet she ignored his heavy scowl as she beamed, “i’m sure you’d be able to provide more if it was about it.” 

lance smirked lazily, now realizing what she was implying as he replied, “i’m sure i would’ve given it to you already if you weren’t as attached to fernando as you are now.” 

looking away from fernando, she covered her excitement and petulance with a giggle before she shoved lance lightly. “shut up.” 

sure, she could get away from a lot of things. but the way fernando stared at her coldly while she was acting all playful towards lance told her enough about the kind of treatment a spoiled brat like her would get from him. 

all she could do was squirm at the thought. 

her mouth let out a shrill cry as fernando pulled her mouth away from his cock, saliva dribbling down her chin to her chest as she felt a sharp pain on the roots of her head. he continued to grab a handful of her hair as he looked down at her. 

his eyes showed nothing of affection. his face offered nothing but mockery and anger. not towards her— but her bratty attitude that she showed tonight. 

he never felt so jealous until he saw lance talking to her up close. and he’s never been angrier than what he felt when she let his teammate get close like that. like she could just move on after talking to the man with a flirtatious smile and get away from her crimes that easily. 

her petulance and constant refusal on the way back to the hotel led to where she was now. her thighs rubbed against each other while tears trickled down her reddening cheeks.

she was desperate for his cock and his touch. both of which she didn’t even deserve despite being his spoiled girlfriend.

she tried to be prideful and strong as she refused to listen to his orders. 

it was too bad for her because while she thought that her pride was big, fernando alonso’s pride was bigger. his ego and his desire to control were what she enjoyed most about this— and these were his tools to tame her. 

“did you think that you can get away from that, hermosa?” he spewed out, watching her as she shut her eyes tightly and shook her head. “not listening to me and letting those men get near you— you’re not very smart, are you?”

“m- fer—“ she babbled, only to be interrupted by the clicking of his tongue as his other hand gripped her chin tightly. finally letting go of her hair, he tilted her chin up to his direction without a word. 

he growled quietly, “you’re such a disobedient girl. a very ungrateful and disobedient girl. you don’t deserve my cock after all of this, hermosa.”

“n- no! please-“ she exclaimed, squirming against the hold on her chin as she pleaded with him, “‘ll be good! i’ll be a good girl, i pr- promise. jus’ wan’ your cock- please nando!” 

his breath fanned on her face as he chuckled quietly, “you don’t listen to me unless you want it, hm?”

his hand let go of the grip for a moment, only for his palm to strike her cheek as he gripped her face once more. “open.” 

her brain, feeling hazy from the impact of his slapping and being deprived of his touch and his cock, short circuited. fernando tsked, tapping her reddening cheek once more as he crooned, “look at you, amor. you’re so dumb for my cock, eh? such a stupid bratty girl— wanting my cock when she doesn’t deserve it— open your mouth, hermosa.” 

she obliged, not wanting to disobey him anymore as he grinned. his grin eventually turned into a frown before spitting in her mouth as he demanded, “you know what to do.”

closing her mouth, she swallowed without a hesitation while her glistening eyes looked up at him.

“so you listen then,” he laughed mockingly, “i thought i’ve already fucked your mouth until you turned stupid.” 

she rubbed her thighs against each other, hoping for some sort of relief as a whine escaped her throat. “what’s wrong, hermosa?” tears escaped her eyes as she continued to plead with him wordlessly. “that’s not going to get you anywhere right now— not after you pulled that shit earlier just so you can piss me off.”

she couldn’t find a way to speak, humiliation and pleasure mixed with her adrenaline as she babbled, “i- i wan’- ‘m…” 

“speak up,” he laughed once more. “you’re way too mouthy earlier— what is stopping you now?” 

she whimpered, feeling too frustrated and already feeling too fucked out. she really wasn’t going to get away with all of those things that she did just to catch his attention earlier.

she just wanted him, but she couldn’t seem to get it all out because of the immense pleasure that she received from being disciplined. 

he chuckled quietly, “you want my cock?” 

she nodded frantically, a series of murmurs escaped her mouth as she meekly cried out, “want you to fuck me, please, please, please nando~ ‘m a good girl.”

“no, you’re really not, hermosa,” he grinned wickedly, “if you were you would’ve known not to flirt with those people. but i guess it was my fault that i’ve left you hanging and horny before we went, no? otherwise you wouldn’t have been that stupid to tease them like you would with me.”

she squirmed again, whimpering at his words as fernando continued, “but i’ve given you so much that you always find a way to get some more. i think that my little slut should be thankful for what she’s getting instead of acting like a spoiled brat.”

she couldn’t even find herself to protest. she was so drunk in lust and his dominance that she couldn’t find herself to fight back against his words. 

her love for him would have to wait. she was in too deep right now and if it meant that she’ll get an orgasm and maybe more then she’d do whatever it takes to please him. 

after all, she was spoiled already. working hard didn’t sound too bad. 

[keehomania]

MARK LEE (마크리) — BBF (DRABBLE)

✧.* MINORS DNI (18+)

there was something so appealing about having something you couldn’t. in this case, someone. you didn’t spend too much time wondering, asking why things were the way they were, you knew you had to go to the flow. maybe it was wrong, maybe you lacked morals and the right mind. maybe you just liked the chase, the thrill of it. whatever it was, you were in for it. you were so fucking in for it.

MARK LEE was insatiable. you didn’t understand at first but, then again, you didn’t pay much attention, and neither did he. you were used to your older brother bringing him around, an entire group of his friends huddled together. whether it was in his room, the living room, or outside, they were constantly there, a joint nuisance during your pre-teen years. you were just as much of a nusiance, bugging them, pestering them with whatever seemed to be on your mind at the time. you’d get a couple laughs, even if they were forced, but it was only right. you were their best friend’s baby sister, and they didn't mind you too much. they thought you were adorable, like a cute version of your brother. no matter how it seemed to you, what you felt for mark was just puppy love. it wasn’t something anybody found weird, as obvious as it was. you clung to him, laughed at his shitty jokes, and everybody found it adorable. there was nothing serious to it.

those years flew by faster than any of you had anticipated. a few summers later and you had grown into a beautiful, mature woman. you had put all the more care into your body, your studies, and your career. your brother often joked that he couldn’t recognize you, that you had grown up way too fast. he wasn’t far off, actually. you had spent a few summers away, studying abroad in greece for shits and giggles. the distance wasn’t as ideal as the progress, but you didn't regret a thing.

you came back a changed woman, and you were more than pleased with yourself. you missed korea more than anything, even the less than pleasantries that came with it. your brother was the first to greet you, embracing you in a big hug the minute you came in. he hadn’t seen you in years, and he was more than stunned with the outcome. “wow, you've gotten uglier,” he joked as he ruffled your hair. you only rolled your eyes at him, slapping his shoulder lightly. “you haven't changed at all, i see.” he mocked your words, sticking his tongue out after to emphasize one thing—just because you had changed doesn't mean everybody else did.

when it was time for his friends to come around, you realized just how little everything else had changed. your brother and his friends stuck to their usual routine, just like when they were younger. you didn’t think much of it, even though the thought of mark still lingered in your mind. you did your best to push it aside, reminding yourself that whatever it was you felt—you felt it ages ago. you were a kid, it was puppy love, and you didn't know any better.

when they finally came around, they made themselves comfortable in the backyard. your brother had informed them of your return, and they were ecstatic to see you, to see how you were doing. to see if you had changed, to see if you were dating, thought one of them in particular. the first thing that you did was dash out of the house to greet them. there were whoops of approval, a few warm hugs and handshakes, all mingling in the air with a few cheers of, “we missed you” and “you've changed so much.” you were thrilled with the feedback, taking in every bit of what everybody had to say. all but one.

mark didn’t know what exactly it was that he was expecting to see when you walked out. your brother spoke highly of your change, saying it was like you had matured overnight, but mark took his words with a grain of salt. he managed to stay afloat despite his anticipation, until you had finally revealed yourself. his knuckled turned white with the force of his fingers clutching his seat, yet he couldn’t utter a word. everyone was able to say something, to greet you, everyone but him. the words were there, he knew exactly what it was he wanted to say, but they refused to come out.

you met his gaze swiftly, failing to realize the sheer tension behind them, even as everybody quieted down. “hey, markie,” you approached him with a soft smile, standing on your toes as you wrapped your arms around his neck. “missed you so much.” he felt as if time had come to a halt, his body growing more warm and more intense with every passing second. he felt the way your arms enveloped him, and all he could smell was you. it was a familiar scent, a comforting one tinted with vanilla and cinnamon.

he finally forced himself to hug you back, his arms snaking around your waist. “missed you more, (y/n).” fuck, was he grateful to have finally said something, anything. it was when you finally pulled away that he finally got a good look at you, at what he had been missing out on for years on end. your brother had sugarcoated his praise and approval, you had changed in ways that felt vulgar to say aloud. it was the way the european sun had done you justice, lightening your hair and tanning your skin. he found himself face-to-face with said justice, the white tan lines peeking under your tank top giving him all the indication.

he saw it in the way your eyes beamed with something foreign, something that wasn’t childlike nor pure. it was something dangerous, something intimidating that forced his gaze to lock with yours, decorated by black strokes of eyeliner. it was in the way the tank top hung from your body, hovering just above your belly button—no, something hovering just above your pierced belly button. fuck, he could feel it now, in all the wrong places. it was in the way he could see your hard nipples under the sheer top, visible with the cold air brushing over them. it was in the way your short were too tight and, well, too short, hanging just an inch below your ass. he felt disgusting for looking, and he knew it was obvious.

“i’m gonna go back inside,” you announced aloud to everyone, but yours eyes never left mark. neither did the stupid smirk playing on your lips, fuck, maybe not everything changed. “it’s getting a little cold for me.” everybody murmured hums of approval, nothing too special, but mark was frozen in his spot. he watched you as you turned back around and went back inside, his eyes glazing over everything—the way your hair shifted, your shoulderblades, the curve of your back, and your ass. he felt awful, but he couldn't help himself. everything that seemed cute years ago no longer seemed cute.

“you better watch yourself, mark lee,” your brother cut through the silence as he sipped his beer, his tone accusatory in a playful way. “she’s still my baby sister.”

you were his baby sister, that was the only thing that hadn’t changed. what really changed was mark. he held it off for as long as he could, telling himself it didn’t matter, that you were both young and didn't understand what feelings were. you still didn’t understand, neither of you did, but feelings didn't matter anymore. you didn’t have to understand feelings to understand hormones.

“it’s weird seeing you drink,” you couldn't bite back the smirk playing on your face as you heard his voice. you leaned forward, arms crossed against the kitchen counter as you sipped your beer. it was like you had anticipated his arrival from the second you walked back into the house, it almost felt calculated. you didn’t turn back around, you could feel his presence, his gaze. “really weird.”

you hummed in response as you sipped your drink. you looked up at the window in front of you, locking eyes with his reflection, the smirk never leaving your face. “i’m full of surprises, right?” you practically purred, leaning forward as the straps of your top spilled down your shoulders. he felt the strain in his pants, one he prayed you wouldn't notice as his gaze flickered between your eyes and the valley of your cleavage, now all the more visible to him.

he tried to distract himself, to stop himself from giving in. his eyes fell to the floor, falling on a can of beer that either could’ve fallen to the floor, or been meticulously placed there. mark didn't know better, he never knew better. “you dropped a can,” he didn’t mean for his voice to tremble as much as it did, but it was too late. he was like a mouse in a room full of traps.

your smirk didn't falter as your gaze dropped to the can that you had placed by your feet. “you’re right,” you murmured as you sunk down. your legs remained upright, upper body bending down as you grabbed the can. you didn’t hear the way he cussed under his breath, but you didn’t need to. you saw it in his eyes as they dropped to your ass, the material of your shorts stuffed in between the mound of flesh, giving him the view he had been silently praying for. “didn't even notice.”

he wasn’t sure what it was that finally did it for him, but he had just about enough. you had turned your back to him once more, as if you were oblivious to what you were doing, but he caught the smirk on your face. it was just about enough to piss him off. his footsteps were heavy as he approached you, his breath hitching slightly as he bent down. his chest was tight, his heart thumping against his ribcage like a drum. “you’re really pushing it, aren’t you?” he spoke, his voice gruff with irritation. you scoffed, your hand grabbing his arm for balance as you turned, your clothed breasts brushing against his forearm.

you finally turned to face him, a glint in your eye. “pushing what exactly?” your tone was playful, taunting even. you had always been a tease, but now it was different. it wasn’t the same playful banter from when you were younger, it was something more, something that had his blood boiling.

his eyes searched yours, looking for any semblance of innocence he might've missed. he found none. “you know what i’m talking about,” he breathed, his hand hovering over your arm for a second too long. your skin felt hot under his touch, and he knew you felt it too. “gonna do something we’ll both regret.”

you leaned in closer, your breath grazing his cheek. “you think?” your voice was a whisper, filled with challenge. “i’m not a little girl anymore, mark.” your hand found its way to his chest, feeling the thump of his heart beneath his shirt. his eyes narrowed, the reminder hitting too close to home. “you're my best friend's baby sister,” he practically snapped, his frustration reaching a peak. his anger was misdirected, and he was aware of that. what he should’ve done was remind himself of the facts, the same facts that seemed to fight the tent in his pants. you stepped back, feigning innocence as you sipped from your can.

his gaze dropped to your mouth, watching the way your lips wrapped around the can. he could feel his resolve slipping away, his body begging him to do something, anything, to get closer to you. “it’s wrong,” he said, the words feeling foreign as they left his mouth. you set your beer down, a knowing smile playing on your lips. “is it?” your hand reached up, playing with the strands of your hair.

his hand shot out, grabbing yours before it could reach your hair. “your brother,” he began, his voice strained. “your brother would kill me.”

you stepped closer again, your hand still in his grasp. “he’ll never find out,” you whispered, your eyes never leaving his. you leaned in, pressing your body against his. “no one’s gonna find out.”

his eyes darkened, his grip on your hand tightening. “we shouldn't,” he warned, his voice barely above a whisper. “you're playing with fire.” you leaned in even closer, your tits pressing against his chest. “maybe i like getting burned,” you murmured, your other hand reaching up to trace his jawline.

his control snapped. he crushed his mouth against yours, his tongue delving deep, tasting every part of you. his hands roamed your body, feeling every curve and dip. you moaned into his mouth, your body responding instinctively to his touch. the kitchen floor was cold under your bare feet as you stepped out of your shorts, his eyes dark with lust as he took in the sight of you. “mark,” you whimpered, pulling him closer. his response was to lift you onto the counter, your legs wrapping around his waist. he didn’t hesitate, his hand reaching into your panties, feeling the wetness that had been building up since you saw him again. “so eager,” he murmured against your neck, his teeth grazing your skin.

you pulled his shirt over his head, tossing it aside, revealing his muscular chest. your hands roamed over his biceps, taking in the warmth of his skin. “fuck,” you breathed as he kissed down your neck, his teeth scraping against your sensitive skin.

his hand found your tits, his thumb flicking over your hardened nipples as his free hand worked on your panties. you arched your back, pushing yourself closer to him. “mark,” you repeated, your voice needy. his mouth found your nipple, sucking and biting gently, making you gasp. his other hand found your clit, rubbing it in slow circles. “shit, you’re so wet,” he murmured, his voice filled with disbelief as your juices coated his finger, leaving his nail slick and shiny.

you were lost in the feeling, your hips bucking against his hand. “please,” you begged, your voice a desperate whine. he complied, his hand moving faster, his teeth biting down harder. then, he pulled away, leaving you panting, your eyes glazed with desire. “not yet,” he said, his voice low and commanding. “i wanna see all of you.”

you didn’t argue, letting him pull your tank top over your head, revealing your bare breasts. “just like that, fuck,” he murmured, his eyes roaming over the flesh of your tits, stopping at the sight of the metal piercing that clung to your belly button. every bit of it helped him see you in a different light, a light that made his cock painfully hard in his pants. he took in the sight of you, so needy, messy and on display for him. it was wrong and he knew it, but he was too entranced to care anymore.

his hand snuck up to your mouth, his thumb pressing into your lower lip as he stared into your eyes. “you're so fucking tempting,” he groaned, the words slipping out despite his better judgment. you took his thumb into your mouth, sucking lightly before speaking, “so are you.” it was all the invitation he needed.

his hand moved down to the button of his pants, the sound of his zipper echoing through the kitchen. he stepped closer, his cock springing free, thick and long. you took in the sight of him, licking your lips, your eyes wide with anticipation. “are you sure about this?” he asked, his voice hoarse with desire. “more than you’ll ever know,” you replied, your voice just as breathless.

his hand moved behind your head, tangling in your hair, pulling you closer to him. your eyes never left his as he guided his cock to your mouth, the tip teasing your lower lip. you parted your lips, letting him in, feeling the warmth and hardness of him on your tongue. his grip tightened, his hips bucking slightly as you took him in deeper. your eyes watered slightly, but you didn’t care. you liked the way he felt, the way he filled your mouth. you liked the way his breath hitched, the way his eyes rolled back.

you moved your head back, letting his dick fall out of your mouth with a wet pop. “so fucking pretty like this,” he murmured, his voice strained with lust.

his hand left your hair, moving to the small of your back, pressing you closer as he kissed you again. you could feel his length pressing against your stomach, leaving a wet trail against your belly button as it slid down to your pussy. your hand found its way to his cock, stroking him gently. “you’re gonna get me all dirty,” you murmured against his lips, your voice teasing. “you want it clean?” he responded, a hint of mischief in his tone. “maybe later,” you replied, your hand moving faster, your thumb smearing precum over the tip of his cock.

his hands moved to your ass, cupping the flesh, his fingers digging into your skin as he pulled you closer. you could feel his cock sliding through your folds, the head brushing against your clit. “mark,” you moaned, your legs tightening around his waist. “i know,” he murmured, his breath hot against your ear. “i know you want it.”

he didn’t wait for you to respond, didn't wait for permission. he pushed into you, filling you in one swift motion. you gasped, your nails digging into his shoulders. “fuck,” you whispered, the pain mixing with pleasure. he stilled, giving you a moment to adjust to his size. you took a deep breath, looking into his eyes. “more,” you demanded, your voice needy.

his thrusts grew deeper, harder, his cock sliding in and out of you with ease. the kitchen counter was cold against your back, but you didn’t care. all you could feel was the heat between your legs, the way his cock filled you up, the way his hands held onto you like you were his. “you're so fucking tight,” he groaned, his hips moving with a ferocity that had you seeing stars.

you met each of his thrusts with your own, your body moving in sync with his. “fuck me harder,” you begged, your voice strained. he complied, his hips slamming into you, the sound of skin on skin filling the room. you could feel yourself getting closer, your orgasm building like a storm inside of you. “mark, i’m gonna—"”

his hand came down, colliding with the flesh of your ass, the sound echoing through the kitchen. “not yet,” he grunted, his rhythm not faltering. “i’m not done with you.” you moaned, your body responding to his dominance. he reached around, his thumb finding your clit, rubbing it in circles as he fucked you. you knew it was risky, but the thrill of it only made you want it more. he was lost in the pleasure, the morbidly amazing feeling of your cunt milking everything he had to give you. his cock was big, hitting all the right places that had you clawing at his back. he held you in place, arms draped around your waist as he drilled into you. he made sure one hand toyed with the flesh of your ass, gripping and probing hard enough to paint bruises. his other hand roamed over your tits, kneading the flesh as his thumb tugged at your nipples, but his curiosity got the better of him.

he couldn’t help the way his hand dropped to your stomach, fingertips tracing the piercing. he loved the way the light adorned the material, it was like eye candy to him. he kept his hand there as he pounded into you, the realization of just how big he was compared to you dawning upon him. it had to do with how your cunt struggled to take him whole, the outline of his cock practically under the skin of your stomach. he was entranced by it, thrusting into you just a little harder to really see it. you were so small compared to him, yet there you were, taking him whole. he placed his palm ovee your stomach as he continued to tear your pussy apart, his hand clasped over the outline of his cock. it was like he was jacking himself off, while he was inside you.

the pressure grew as his pace quickened, your body tightening around him. “please, ’m gonna cum,” you whimpered, your voice a mix of pleasure and pain. “do it,” he urged, his hand pressing down harder on your stomach. your eyes squeezed shut as your orgasm crashed over you, your body shaking with the intensity of it. he groaned, his thrusts growing more erratic as he chased his own release. “gonna fill this pussy up,” he warned, his voice strained. “please,” you moaned, your cunt clenching around him.

his cock swelled, pulsing as he came inside you, his cum filling you up. your legs tightened around his waist, your body trembling with the aftershocks of your climax. your breath came put ragged and harsh, your chest heaving as his cum spilled down your thighs. he leaned into you, his forehead pressing against yours.

you could feel his heart racing against your chest, his breath hot and ragged in your ear. “what now?” he whispered, his voice filled with uncertainty. “now, we clean up,” you replied, your voice low and sultry, your hand reached down, wrapping around his still hard cock. “and maybe we do it again,” you suggested, your eyes never leaving his.

his eyes searched yours, looking for any sign of regret or hesitation. what he found was a spark of excitement, a challenge. “you’re insatiable,” he murmured, his voice filled with awe. “a little bit,” you replied, your smile widening. “now, get me off this counter before i get a bruise.”

he chuckled, his grip on your ass tightening as he lifted you off the counter. your legs wrapped around his waist, your arms around his neck. “where to?” he asked, his voice still thick with lust. “my room,” you murmured, your eyes half-lidded. “we have all night.”

✧.*

[strawberryshortcake0413]

One drop

Toxic!leonkennedy x reader

READ THIS CONTANT AT YOUR OWN RISK

MDNI +18

Warnings: out of character toxic Leon, abuse, depression, anxiety, insecurity, abortion, non-consent etc.

You finally thought to let go of your toxic ex, only to realize you were in a situation where he has the most power in your mind.

Ps: if you're dealing with any DV or toxic behavior from your partner, get professional help and advice and report them to the necessary agency.

The jiggling sound of the keys opening the door to his apartment woke Leon up after a nap. He sighed heavily before getting up from the bed and adjusting his shirt in place. 

You entered the room holding a bag of fresh groceries. Leon needed something nutritional for him to eat, not the alcohol or the canned salty spaghetti. He gritted his teeth almost unnoticeable, but you knew him too well. You love him too much, even if it was killing you slowly.

"Hey..." you muttered, smiling at him weakly as he stared. Something in your chest was threatening to lose, almost snapping and breaking down. 

Even though it was not something you would like to admit, you knew something was wrong with you and Leon.

Losing him was your end, and you knew he was itching to leave you. You knew he wanted to flee away to another woman. Just looking at his cold, annoyed eyes that make your knees weak, you wanted to run out of the apartment to not face his judgment. 

He continued to stare at you, not even bothering to say a word before taking a look at the brown bag. 

"What's this?" He said coldly as he lifted a bag of beetroot. You nervously looked down, he didn't like you cooking vegetables. 

"I am not eating this shit." He muttered throwing the bag at the coffee table before looking at you up and down. 

"You should eat it yourself. Take care of yourself more. You gained some fat. Maybe it's better if we take a break. " he snickered before slamming the door to the bathroom.

Standing there, in his apartment being humiliated was even more embarrassing to think about the fact you love him. 

You walked to the couch before sitting down slowly. 

Is this what you get for trying to be a good partner? Is this what you deserve because you fell for him even when you knew what kind of a person Leon was? 

Maybe. 

Maybe he didn't deserve you. He didn't deserve such a woman, who is everything but perfect. Leon deserves the best and he knows it. You were not nearly close to the person he should be with. 

Because you're a loser. Nothing more than a huge rock on his path to his rock star destiny.

Leon listened Intently to your wailing for hours before you locked yourself in his guest room. He knew the way you were being treated daily was shitty behavior from him. But in the end, no matter how much you cried and yelled at him, you always came crawling back to his bed.

The autumn breeze helped Leon to come down to earth before he laid down to sleep for the night.

In the morning, he puts on some boxers quickly before walking to the kitchen, expecting you to cook as an apology. Leon suddenly stopped as the kitchen was empty and cold. No sign of you making his favorite breakfast. 

He searched for you through the small apartment before realizing you were gone. Leon felt complicated. He wasn't sure whether to be happy that the only thing that kept him from his freedom was now gone. But at the same time, he felt offended like he never did before. 

Leon never thought you would leave him. After all, you were the only one who was after him all the time. Why would you leave now?

After a while,  he gave up his worry for you and your actions. Sure, having a cooker and a cleaner for yourself was nice, especially after he went on missions, but it wasn't worth the lack of freedom to go out and not having the privilege to do whatever he wanted. 

You were back in your little house, inherited from your mother. It wasn't big, but enough for you. Since the last time you saw Leon, he had broken your heart. He didn't even bother to call you for 4 weeks. 

Going back to work after quitting your job for him was embarrassing. Your coworkers asked you a bunch of things that you would never want to mention again. 

Why would you tell anyone "love of your life" was just embarrassed by and hated you? 

The doorbell rang soon, indicating it was the pizza delivery. For the last few weeks, trying to cook and eat the dinner you made was too hard. It always reminded you of how you cooked Leon everything. His favorite, to the one he hated the most.

Just thinking about it makes you nauseous. 

 When you were going to eat your third slice, everything came right out. Including the pizza. 

What are you supposed to do when you are fine but not well? It has been like this for the past few weeks. Did you love Leon so much, now that your body was declining to function normally? 

You opened the period app on your phone to track your mood when you finally noticed the big words on the screen.

'PERIOD MISSED FOR 9 DAYS' 

What? It was impossible, right? Why? Why were you missing your period? Was it cancer? Was it even possible?

“L-Leon…” you moaned, almost whining when he pulled out mid session. Sitting up a bit to face him and to see what he was doing before Leon smirked at you. 

“Baby. Only this time. Please? C'mon pretty girl. Only this time, I promise” he cooed, slowly rolling off the condom knowing damn well you can't refuse him.

Maybe you were dumb for believing it was the last time or you were just so horny you can’t resist raw sex. Either way, Leon won.

Slipping his cock inside in your tight walls, letting out a loud whimper. He hasn't gone raw in a few weeks since the party where a whore allowed him to even cum inside. 

He was addicted to this feeling. 

You felt like crying. Either way, it was not something you wanted to happen. Pregnant from your emotionally abusive ex or cancer, for which you had no money for treatment. 

You heard stories about happy couples finding out they're pregnant, and then it being cancer. 

What were you supposed to do if you were pregnant? Abortion? Adoption? Or raising the baby? Alone and miserable? 

If it was cancer, you would simply give up rather than go through that hell.

After crying for a few hours, you finally got the courage to dress up. If Leon saw you like this, he would make fun of you. Cry baby.

Maybe testing with an actual test would be best. Maybe it would be negative. Maybe you don't have cancer. Maybe it's just a way your body was reacting to not eating much. It was weird for you to assume it was cancer. But who knows all the possibilities?

You were having a panic attack. Trying to pay for the test with cash made it even harder. Seeing your handshake as an old washing machine earned you a pitiful look from the cashier. 

You were walking faster than a running person to your car in the parking lot, the box of tests clutched in your hand.

Suddenly you bumped into a person and fell on your butt. "I'm sorry" you muttered quickly before jumping up and running to your car. 

The blonde raised his eyebrows at the sight of you after a month. During the few days, he had the fun that was bothering him for months. Even started dating one of the girls that gave him his head in the bathroom of the bar. She was prettier than most of the other girls, and most importantly you.

He walked slowly to you, watching you struggle to open the door like it's a comedy show. He loved it. He fucking loved watching you suffer without him. 

"So... How's it going?" Leon said, eyeing you up and down to see if you took his advice on glow-up. 

You seem to have lost a few pounds to the point he wondered how you would look now on his bed. A few months ago the dark circles under your eyes were almost unnoticeable. Now it looked like you jumped in the streets.

Leon smiled genuinely seeing your new look. Even though you looked like you were minutes away from passing out, he loved your new look. It makes you look like a model if you just fix those ugly eye bags and dull eyes.

You suddenly trembled to see him after a long time. Especially at this time, when you're in the most vulnerable state of all times. 

You struggled to open the car door with your trembling hands when finally Leon pulled it open. 

"What? You decide to ignore me, sweetheart?" Leon muttered trying to get in the car before you locked it.

"What are you doing?? Get out" you yelled, getting defensive suddenly. You were suffering because of one reason, and that was him.

"Woah. Woah. You're getting real ugly here honey. You didn't miss me?" He said getting in completely. 

"Leon. Get out. Or I'll call the-" you yelled when opened the door and put his hand on top of your mouth from the backseat and quickly kissed your cheek despite the fact you were mumbling and kicking the seats.

"My little baby just needs a dick to calm down. Doesn't she?" Leon cooed before one of his hands crept under your pants, slowly circling your clit.

For the first time in months, the pleasure was surreal. But the way you were getting it was not something you wanted at all. Especially from Leon.

But after a few moments, you gave up. It was not like you could fight a trained government agent off your body. 

"Aw... you seem sensitive. I bet no one would touch you other than me was willing to touch you." Leon barked while kissing your neck, leaving wet trails of saliva. 

Despite the fact you knew this was wrong, it was harder than it should be. You didn't know whether to love him or hate him. Whether to feel ashamed or angry. 

You were getting groped, yet you felt like it was your fault and Leon felt sympathy towards you for even looking at your way, let alone touching you. 

Maybe. Just maybe you should be grateful for it. Maybe you were just as ugly as Leon told you. Maybe he was kind and you were a brat. You didn't appreciate his sympathy for you.

"Leon. Please. No. Stop" you whined as he pulled his hands back and exited the backseat before getting in the driver's one, on top of you. 

"Shut up. Will ya?" He muttered before taking off your shirt quickly, latching onto your bud. Somehow every action he seems to be doing felt more pleasing than ever. 

Then it suddenly clicked in your head. There was a possibility you were pregnant, and the rumors that pregnancy makes the pleasure increase didn't seem to be a lie considering how you were reacting to his touch.

"Leon" you whined, almost pushing him off. 

"What are you doing?" He narrowed his eyes, almost ready to yell at you. 

"I don't want it. Get out. Or I'll call the cops" you yelled. You yelled at him. You fucking yelled. 

For you, it was the bravest thing you ever dared to do while you felt like a horrible person. To him, you were getting out of hand. Out of his control.

"What did you say?" Leon reacted quickly, not wanting any outburst again from you.

"Leave me alone. Please. Leon. I d-don't want it. Please. Just leave me alone" you cried before the blonde let out a heavy sign. 

“Fine. If you don't want a good dick, then i'm not gonna force you”

Leon stared at your face a few seconds before jumping out of the car door easily and disappearing a few moments later. 

He left his car, far away from you.

The only thing that was connecting you both was the baby. 

Inside, you will always love him. This baby, even if it came at the wrong time to the wrong parents, you knew you loved it. More than yourself. But life requires you to make hard decisions for the sake of yourself. At least once. You knew what to do, clearer than water. 

Taking a deep breath coming out of the hospital. It was the first day of winter. Mother nature had decided to decorate herself with snow. Glittery white snow. Cold breeze of the fresh snow made your stomach growl. After all, some hot chocolate with a cinnamon bun was the perfect way to start the new day. A new month. A new year. A new life.

If it wasn't for the accident in the parking lot of a grocery store, you weren't sure if you would have dared to get abortion.

After all, Leon was a horrible person and would have let your child suffer. You loved them so much to the point you have decided having you as a mother would give them nothing but pain, so abortion was the right choice.

It was hard to cope with the reality of losing something that came from someone you loved. Then you realized at least once in your life, making this selfish decision will save you and your baby. 

You were not ready or fit to be a mother yet, bringing a baby in this cruel world while being clueless about everything was too overwhelming for you. 

Leon never knew about it. You knew him too well. Even if he didn't want anything to do with them, he would have gotten mad for your decision. He loved collecting things he couldn't take care of. And Leon knew it himself. 

Looking at the sky, to the soft blue clouds and the sun hiding behind them, you smiled softly. Genuinely for the first time in months.

"I'm sorry... I hope you understand it was the right thing to do. Come to momma when we're both ready" a single drop of tear ran down your soft cheek before you wiped it away with your gloved hand. 

Just because you think it's love, doesn't mean it is love you thought before walking to the Cafe. You will always remember.

[specialagentlokitty]

Klaus Mikaelson x reader - both think the same

Hey there! Can i request a klaus mikaelson x reader where they both have the same feelings for each other romantically but the reader suffers badly with depression and negative thoughts and feels like klaus doesn't deserve the burden of her so she distances herself away from him, thankss - Anon 💜

TW: mentions of depression and negative thoughts

Glancing across the grill, you smiled a little to yourself before looking away.

You knew that where you went generally Klaus wasn’t far behind, he liked being near you, liked making sure that you were okay, you were safe.

But he never came over, because when he did you would leave, you didn’t want to be near him, he thought maybe it was because of everything that he had done.

But he loved you.

You loved him too, but you couldn’t help the thoughts that ran around your head all the time.

You had gone to dances with him, you had even gone to dinner with him a few times.

He would bring you flowers, leaving them on your doorstep just to see you smile as he stood at the end of your path.

He thought he was making progress, then distance yourself from him when he got a little too close.

You stood up, putting your hood up as you slipped out of the grill, wanting to head home and just get away from people.

You made your way outside into the cold air and shivered a little bit.

Sighing, you turned your gaze towards your feet, slowly walking down the quiet streets, fully aware of the steps behind yours, and when you stopped he stopped.

“Gonna creep woman out doing that.”

“So, we’re talking now?” Klaus asked.

He walked over, following alongside of you as you carried on walking home.

“Never said we weren’t…”

He sighed, placing a hand on your shoulder to make you stop.

“You’re cold.”

He took his jacket off, dropping it over your shoulders and you looked up at him as he smiled softly down at you.

He buttoned up the jacket for you, and you slipped your hands through the sleeves, clutching at the ends of them slightly.

You turned around, going back to walking home and he followed you.

“Why are you doing this?” He asked.

You didn’t reply, and he sighed again.

“One moment I think we have a chance at being friends, the next moment you’re shutting me out as if I’d just thrown a rock through your window.”

You glanced at him.

“That was a shitty example.”

“Perhaps not one of my best ones, no. But it’s true.”

You shrugged a little bit.

He looked at you, the way you kept your head to the ground and he placed a hand on your shoulder.

You stopped and he walked in front of you, he moved his hand and placed a finger under your chin, tilting your head up.

“What’s playing on your mind love?” He asked quietly.

“It’s cold…”

He chuckled, nodding his head.

It wasn’t the answer he was looking for, but he decided to take you home first, so he walked you the rest of the way.

You opened the door to your apartment, and you stepped aside so he could come in before closing it.

You had invited him in before, so Klaus knew he was free to come and go, but he wanted to leave that choice to you.

He stood in front of you, unbuttoning the jacket so he could take it off and hang it up and you put your hood down.

Wondering into the kitchen you grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge and walked over to the couch to sit down.

Klaus walked over, sitting on the arm of the couch.

“So, would you like to tell me what’s really playing on your mind?” He asked.

You shook your head.

“No, no it’s nothing.”

“I don’t believe that, come now, you know I wouldn’t ask if I didn’t deem it important.”

You looked at him.

“You always ask, about everything.”

“Because everything’s important when it comes to you love. I know something is bothering you, I’ve known for a while.”

You said nothing.

“Whatever it is I’m sure we can figure this out, work a way about it if there is one.”

“I.. I don’t know…”

You didn’t know how to explain it to him.

How to explain you loved him so much you just wanted to shout it from the rooftops, but you saw yourself as a burden.

How you thought he would be better if he didn’t get to close to you, because you saw yourself as a burden, that someone as powerful as him needed someone powerful at his side.

Klaus studied you quietly, and he moved over, sitting next to you.

He reached out, taking your hand in his, and he ran his thumb along your knuckles.

“We don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want.”

“I don’t want to..”

He nodded, smiling down at you, and he placed a hand on the side of your face so you could look at him.

Leaning down he kissed your forehead, then rested your head on his shoulder.

“When you’re ready to talk about it I’m all ears, but for now I believe you have some crappy movies on your TV.”

You laughed a little, and he smiled.

He loved that sound, the sound of your laughter, your happiness.

You were so comfortable, so at home like this, and it almost made you forget why you distanced yourself from him, but you knew why.

Because you felt like you couldn’t have something like this, someone like him.

Klaus didn’t think that, he thought he didn’t deserve you after all he had done, he felt like you were too good for him.

But he wanted you, he wanted to be able to hold you and protect you, no matter how long he had to wait in order for that day to come.

All he could do was hold you while you let him, and remind you just how important you are.

You rested your head on his chest, and you sighed.

He chuckled, placing a hand on your head, gently messaging your scalp.

“You are so beautiful…” he whispered.

You didn’t saw anything but you did smile in return, holding his other hand just as gently as he was holding you.

Maybe you’d go back to distancing yourself from him after this, but then if you did he would just keep trying until one day he was brave enough to say he loved you

[a-little-unsteddie]

stuck in your throat || 2.2

2.1 || [here] || 2.3 || 2.4

wee here’s the next part! i love robin and steve so much <3 their dynamic is literally the best. hope y’all enjoy <3

“Steve?” the omega heard Robin shout as she entered the shared apartment. He stood and groaned as pain shot up his body through his knees. He slipped his phone into his back pocket before he made his way to the living room.

“How was work?” he asked, leaning against the wall as Robin shed her outter layer.

“Ugh, I swear, if Diana comes in one more fucking time, I’m gonna climb over the counter and stab her with a spoon,” she seethed, toeing off her converse.

Steve snorted, rolling his eyes, “What’d she ask for this time?” he asked, having heard many tales of Diana’s stupidity.

“She asked me if we served fucking Frosty’s,” she hissed angrily, which only increased Steve’s amusement.

“You’re not We—”

“I know we’re not a fucking Wendy’s,” Robin huffed, stomping towards the kitchen, Steve following behind to listen to the rest of whatever happened. “She knows we’re not a fucking Wendy’s, but her reasoning was that we serve milkshakes, and, really, how different from a milkshake could a Frosty be?”

“Isn’t there a Wendy’s in the foodcourt?” Steve asked, scrunching his nose up in thought.

“Yes, yes, there is,” Robin hissed, “that crotchety woman knows that, too!”

Steve watched fondly as Robin ranted, knowing she needed to get it all out before she could let it go and move on with her day. He was content to wait her out, even as she moved on to rant about a different customer that had annoyed her. Usually the scent of pissed off alpha never failed to cause Steve to feel slightly sick, but something about Robin always put him at ease, even moments like these, where she was practically growling with rage.

Eventually, Robin calmed down enough to move on with her day and heaved a deep sigh.

“I’m sorry, I know you had your interview with Eddie today, so you probably didn’t want to hear about my shitty day.”

“This is one of my favorite rituals, don’t you dare take that from me,” Steve huffed, rolling his eyes as he crossed his arms.

“Either way, how did it go?” Robin asked eagerly, pouring some juice into a glass.

“I got the job!” Steve finally exclaimed, causing Robin to let out a sound that wasn’t dissimilar to a squeal, but if Steve were to mention it later, she would deny it.

“Stevie! That’s great!” she cheered, wrapping her arms around Steve and scented him, pressing her scent right against his cheeks so that he could smell just how excited she was for him.

“I know!!” he smiled mischievously, “I also may have gotten you an in for another position they’re hiring for,” he sing-songed, and she pulled back with wide eyes.

“Seriously? You better not be joking, dingus. I have been desperately avoiding thinking about you leaving without me,” she said rapidly, shaking him with every word she spoke.

“I asked Chrissy if there were any other positions open and luckily for us, she’s hiring an assistant and has only received two other applications!” Steve explained, watching as Robin’s grin got wider and wider. She pulled Steve’s face to hers and rubbed their cheeks together, scenting Steve again. Steve hummed as the scent of rain and lilacs filled his nose, unable to stop smiling.

“That’s so fucking lucky,” she said excitedly, pulling away. “Send me what I need to know.”

That night, Robin submitted her application to the job listing, and Steve could only hope that no one more qualified than her would apply, and that the two who already had applied were idiots who didn’t know shit and were unqualified.

By the following evening, Robin was officially hired, and therefore, signed an NDA. Which officially meant that Steve wouldn’t be breaking any rules by telling Robin absolutely everything.

It also meant Robin knew that he had been talking to and about Chrissy as in Cunningham, and Eddie as in Munson.

They were celebrating, obviously.

“You? Are going to be Eddie Munson’s nanny?” Robin asked, taking a sip of the seltzer she had. Steve laughed and nodded, knocking his head back as he took a large drink from his own seltzer.

“I dunno if he liked me, though,” he admitted with a slightly bitter laugh.

“What? From meeting him a total of one time?” she asked, eyebrows raised in expectation. At Steve’s silence, she sighed and continued. “It was a professional setting, maybe he was just uncomfortable with it. He’s always struck me as the type of celebrity to be down to earth and kind of unsettled by his celebrity status. Or, he was taking his pup to meet a stranger that even he hadn’t met yet. He was probably anxious, if he was a good dad.”

Steve gave the alpha a look, to which she just sighed in exasperation and rolled her eyes dramatically.

“Listen, I can be observant if I want to be,” she grumped at him, crossing her arms. “And I know you. You’re impossible to dislike. I tried, remember?”

Steve sighed and nodded gravely, “I do. A foolish endeavor on your part,” he said seriously.

“I know,” Robin agreed, nodding sagely, as if she had learned from the experience, when really it was just high school bullshit. They’ve been friends since Steve’s senior year in high school, when he’d presented as an omega in the middle of the year and subsequently fell to the bottom of the totem pole.

Sometimes, Steve found himself wondering if she had saved his life, back then. He couldn’t imagine being where he was without her.

“We need to pack,” Robin said sternly, as if she wasn’t the entire reason they had gotten distracted from the task originally.

“We do,” he agreed, gesturing to where he’d already finished packing one suitcase of clothing, and another laid open beside it.

They took time throughout the next couple of weeks to plan how they were getting out of their one year lease. They agreed that they’d let one or two of the kids take over their lease, seeing as they were all adults now and looking for their own place to live.

Will had come to mind first, so Steve had made arrangements with him to take over his half of the lease. Robin had decided to let Will decide who would sign her half. After they talked to him, Will told them he’d chosen Dustin to move in with.

Dustin had been thrilled, had been wanting to live on his own for a while now. Steve had witnessed the young beta realize that he’d be living with Will, and it was cute. He was a little flustered, but mostly excited.

Dustin had also pestered him to death about where they were going and just barely accepted that he’d signed an NDA as a reason to not talk about it. Will, of course, already knew, or had a good educated guess at the very least. He looked amused and smug at knowing the information, when Dustin didn’t, and didn’t give anything away. Steve was grateful for that, knowing exactly how the beta pup would’ve reacted.

Steve also knew that Dustin was unlikely to actually give up.

They were meeting with the landlord the following evening, to sign over the lease to both Will and Dustin. The two pups would move in once Steve and Robin left on the 17th of the month, which was rapidly approaching. Much quicker than Steve had anticipated.

Steve startled out of his thoughts as his phone began to incessantly buzz on the bedside table. He grabbed it and furrowed his eyebrows when he saw Chrissy’s name lighting up on his phone.

“Hello?” Steve answered, feeling his stomach twist. Robin looked at him in concern, mirroring his expression. Steve mouthed ‘Chrissy’ at her, and her eyes widened in apprehension.

“Steve! Hello! It’s Chrissy,” the woman spoke cheerfully, which alleviated some of his anxiety, but not all of it.

“Hi, Chrissy! What can I do for you?” he asked nervously, picking at the seam on the pair of sweats he was wearing.

“We discussed at some point that we would be responsible for your travel expenses. I was hoping that we could set up a time for the four of us—me, you, Eddie and Robin, that is—to meet and show you the available options.”

All of Steve’s anxiety fled his body, only to be replaced with confusion. “There are multiple options?” he clarified.

“Yes! When would you be available for a meeting to discuss them? I’m calling Robin after this to see her availability as well.” Chrissy explained cheerfully, which did nothing to help his confusion. Options? Plural?

“That won’t be necessary, she’s sitting across from me right now. Let me put you on speaker,” he said, waiting for Chrissy’s confirmation before doing so. “Repeat pretty much everything, Robin can hear you now.”

After she repeated herself, Robin also appeared to be a bit stumped, but relayed her availability nonetheless. Steve did so as well, and they were able to quickly figure out a time that worked for everyone.

“Alright, well, that’s everything today. Do you have any questions for me?” Chrissy asked, as she always did at the end of their calls.

Steve bit his lip, hesitating only a moment before asking, “Will Elodie be joining us?” in a tone of voice that he hoped didn’t betray how much he wanted the pup to be there.

Chrissy made a humming noise as Robin muffled a laugh into one of his shirts. Steve huffed quietly and threw another one of his shirts at her in an attempt to get her to stop laughing at him. So, what if he was already kind if attached to the pup? Was that so bad?

“No, it looks like she’s spending that day with her grandpa, sorry,” Chrissy responded after a few beats of silence.

“That’s fine, I was just curious,” Steve said quickly.

After confirming the day and time of their meeting, the call ended. Steve studiously avoided Robin’s gaze as he focused on getting together some of the smaller items that took up space in his nest.

“Disappointed you won’t be seeing your pup?” Robin teased gently, grinning as Steve flushed red. He whined at her, pouting.

“She’s not my pup! I just wanted to know what to expect,” he sniffed, still not looking at the alpha. Robin hummed disbelievingly, laughing as Steve’s pouting glare only intensified at her teasing.

“Right, okay, sure, I believe that,” she said in a way that let Steve know exactly how much she didn’t believe him. Steve stuck his tongue out at her, and returned to the task at hand, packing away most of his shit.

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[lilhwahwa]

heart swindler - J.WY (Part 3)

PART 2 

ꜱᴜᴍᴍᴀʀʏ part 3: Your mind is breathing and living Wooyoung, which wasn't avoidable seeing as you're now staying at his place. Yet your anxious and paranoid mind won't let you breathe. You are certain Wooyoung could be plotting something against you, to manipulate you and use you. You decide to take your nephew and leave, once again. Would this change trigger something?

ɢᴇɴʀᴇ: AFAB Conwoman reader! x Conman Wooyoung! Enemies to Lovers. Angst. Fluff. Smut.

ᴡᴀʀɴɪɴɢꜱ: 18+ smut themes in the future parts. Mentions of drug abuse. Abusive parenting. Violence. Bi? Wooyoung? Stalking. Slowburn!. Conning? Crack! shitty writing... More to be added... This is fiction and does not represent the real idol. 

proof read? - no

words: 5.7K

tags:  @bl3ss3d-curs3d @mayosgrises @k-queen @starrysvn @harusoraa @chiefbananaearthquake @leeknowsalot @toxicccred @yunhorights​ @shibera @tunaasan

MASTERLIST 

Waking up in Wooyoung’s clothes felt almost mocking. It seemed like a perfect setup to test your morals after you had clearly declared that Wooyoung was the main reason business wasn't going well at LUX. Yet, you inhale deeper catch the scent of his detergent and sigh as you open your eyes to the new scene.

Even though you felt safer in Wooyoung’s proximity than alone at the hotel (for obvious reasons), there was still an alarm ringing in your head, reminding you to secure yourself and Jisung against possible dangers. You lifted your head to glance at the little boy, but your heart skipped a beat when all you saw was an empty space, an indent in the sheets where the little boy had slept.

“Jisung?” you called out, getting out of bed to rush through the door and in whichever direction you remembered the living room to be. You moved frantically to locate the child, scenarios of him being kidnapped and you being lured in by Wooyoung in an evil plan rushing through your head. If that were the case, you weren’t sure if you’d be more upset about being tricked so easily or that whatever Wooyoung had shown you during the past 24 hours was nothing but a scheme to take you down.

“Jisung-ah!” you called out again.

“Lord, woman, we heard you the first time,” a voice snapped you out of your panic. Your eyes fell on Wooyoung peeking his head out from the kitchen, a much shorter and smaller head peeking out right after him at torso level.

You instantly let out a breath you were holding, shaking your head to get rid of the looming anxiety that had settled over your body. Were you slowly losing your mind over everything that had happened? Sure, being cautious was part of human nature to ensure survival, but at this point, you were as jumpy as a mouse waiting to be attacked by a cat.

Choosing not to reply to Wooyoung, you entered the kitchen to see what was going on. The smell of food hadn’t even registered in your panicked state until now. Of course, they would be making breakfast. It was a normal morning, after all, but honestly, you didn’t take Wooyoung to enjoy hosting guests as much as he seemed to.

“Auntie! We are making you breakfast! Wooyoung let me cut the spam!” An excited Jisung approached you, draped in an oversized shirt similar to yours, only his swallowed him up down to his ankles. You couldn’t help but smile at the sight. He was still so tiny but so smart for his age. Too smart, maybe, and part of it was your fault. As much as you tried to tell yourself that you did your best at keeping him safe, there was always some doubt about how much of a childhood he was actually experiencing.

Your thoughts almost distracted you from the boy’s words. Almost.

“You let him cut with a knif—” you raised your voice in concern as your eyes searched for Wooyoung, who was in front of the stove, frying up ingredients. He wore a thin tank top with sweatpants. It was unfair how smooth and golden his skin was. It was unfair how toned his shoulders seemed to be in the tank top and his arms... You never doubted that Wooyoung kept his figure for his job, but what you hadn’t expected was for his body to be this built. Thick veins ran up his forearms as he gripped the handle of the pan. His bony fingers were long as they wrapped around it, maneuvering the contents around for an even simmer. You couldn’t be bothered to analyze the food when your heart pumped enough blood to flush your face in mere seconds. He looked strong and delectable. Wait.

“He’s a big boy, very concentrated on the task, so he can be trusted with a knife,” Wooyoung commented, turning around to lean back against the kitchen counter. He raised an eyebrow at your reaction to him, a small smirk evident on his lips, and you hated that you had let yourself get caught checking his arms out. But now that he turned around, his collarbones—

“Well, I don’t let him touch such stuff; he could’ve hurt himself,” your words came out as a mumbling mess as you looked back to Jisung, who joined Wooyoung’s side and tried to reach the pan on his tiptoes to see whether the spam he had put effort into was cooking right. Wooyoung noticed his struggle and picked the boy up into his embrace, allowing him to see his hard work being made into a meal.

“Auntie, I did just fine, and besides, I tried my best for you.” The boy smiled brightly at you from Wooyoung’s arms, and you almost wanted to snort at how hypocritical this situation was. But something inside of you didn’t want to ruin this moment for Jisung. And for yourself. And maybe Wooyoung too… the man looked over Jisung’s excitement with a curved smile and a familiar look in his eyes, as if longing for something or someone. For once, you decided to push back your overbearing brain and just enjoy the normality of the situation in your chaotic life.

“What are you boys making?” you sat down on one of the tall kitchen chairs and supported yourself on your elbow as you watched the heartwarming sight of Jisung finally getting to act like a curious kid. You had only slept here one night, but the obvious problem wasn’t solved just yet. How long did Wooyoung intend to let you stay? You already hated having to ask somebody for help, let alone him. But it seemed like he was the first person spawning on the scene whenever something bad happened to you, and just for that reason, you decided then and there that it must be a sign from someone or something. But that didn't mean you should overstay your welcome.

“Fried rice,” Wooyoung answered and let Jisung down to start plating breakfast as you slipped between reality and your thoughts. You simply nodded and let the man serve you the food. Only then did you realize just how hungry you were. Who would’ve thought you’d be eating food cooked by Wooyoung, dressed in his clothes, in his kitchen? You couldn’t help but snort.

“Excuse you? We tried hard all morning, and you mock us?” Wooyoung took playful offense and turned to Jisung, who played into the scene. “Auntie! We truly tried. I even almost cut my hand off for you!” he joked, making Wooyoung throw his head back as he let out a series of short huffs of laughter. That was the first time you ever heard him laugh.

You rolled your eyes to save the situation and brought a mouthful of the dish to taste. “Mmh!! Wow,” you groaned, dramatizing your reaction by clapping your hands. Wooyoung rolled his eyes playfully, but Jisung smiled brightly. Was this how normal life was supposed to be? You, having dinner with your family?

No, Wooyoung wasn’t family. And up until two weeks ago, you weren’t even on speaking terms. He doesn't even know your real name yet, for fuck’s sake. Besides, the weekend was just around the corner, and you’d have to face the reality that one of you, probably not you, would have to return to the club. There was no way you’d leave Jisung alone.

Going to the police wasn’t a smart option as they’d start digging in places they didn’t belong. Telling Hongjoong could be risky as he could ask you to leave the club for the sake of guests’ safety. What would you do now? Appoint a gang? Obviously not.

You decided that whatever choice you’d go with, you wanted to enjoy the sight of the two boys competing to see who’d eat faster just a little longer. Their giggles turned louder with each bite, and playful pushing of shoulders made rice fly over the table.

After breakfast, Wooyoung occupied Jisung with his variety of video games. The little boy’s cheers twisted your heart as he played. You knew things could be worse, but still, you longed to be the reason for his cheers, to make him as happy as Wooyoung had seemed to in just the span of a day. You were letting yourself go slowly. Whoever had named you Bullet obviously must’ve forgotten that you were not lethal unless fired from a gun. A motivation. Something that would make you want to hit a target. Most often, it stemmed from watching bastard men and their pathetic lies that destroyed families and futures. It was drilled into you before you even officially came out on the market. Men are cheaters. Men are liars. Men deserve what you do to them. Every woman in your field seemed to agree, and everybody else just stayed silent and allied for the chunks of money.

But as that motivation dried up, after you gave your all and conjured your most vile and evil personality onto these men in an attempt to give them just what they deserved, you were suddenly dropped back into reality where you were just you. No Bullet, but a simple Y/n who had been wronged. Wronged by men. Wronged by family and society. The high heels were exchanged for bare feet, and the glamorous outfits for an oversized shirt that seemed to swallow you as if you were Thumbelina herself (though you’d argue she was more graceful than at the moment). It made your throat hurt to even think about admitting that you were nothing outside of being Bullet. That you had almost broken in front of Wooyoung – An ally of the industry, but nonetheless just a man.

And like that, the flame of motivation was ignited again. It was merely heating under the coal, waiting to burst into full potential. The picture perfect breakfast was over with, and with that your feelings of a belittled and hopeless girl. You wonder for a second whether slipping into this headspace was wrong. Jisung had just gotten a taste of how normal life could be. How delicious fried rice could be for breakfast. And how a man could lift him easily into his arms whenever the little boy desired. But your choices of safety were limited, and staying with Wooyoung was not a stable route, at least emotionally. 

You can feel Wooyoung glancing over at you.

“What are your plans today?” He decides to break the silence, looking away to give you a safe space to speak. 

“I don’t really have many plans, I was hoping it would be okay for us to stay today while I look for options” You reply, emphasizing that you wouldn't be staying for long. But with the way Wooyoung bit at the inside of his cheek, you wondered whether he truly worried for you or if you had read him wrong. 

“You can stay for however long you need” he simply replies, almost as if brushing off the topic of you leaving. You glance over at Jisung who has made Wooyoung’s couch his own by the way he moves around as he plays on the large TV screen. 

“Thank you” you offer him a tight-lipped smile, deciding any more words or elaborating would quickly put out the newly sparked flame inside. You needed it to survive. To figure out what was going on. And you were not proud of the decision you were slowly coming to take. 

You reach for your phone, opening the contact of a number you don’t dial often. Not because of any particular reason, but rather the fact that you saw the person every weekend. 

Need a favor…can I call in a few? 

“I am gonna go stock up at the grocery store some time later, you can come or stay, whatever you prefer.” Wooyoung distracts you from your phone that you quickly turn off. You turn to look at him, and see him already looking for your eyes. Do not fall for it, you tell yourself. However sincere his foxy eyes try to be, he was merely a man who thankfully had not taken advantage of your situation, yet.

“I am not picky, I’ll trust the chef's opinion” you answer strategically, adding a smile. Yet you what you receive is a serious expression painted on Wooyoung’s face. He was probably suspecting something, thankfully you were already ahead. 

Of course, bullet x

—

“Auntie, did Wooyoung not want us to stay?” Jisung’s voice is careful as he tiptoes around the question. You squeeze his smaller hand holding yours, warning him to not have the conversation here.  “We discussed this, Jisung-ah” You smile at the boy with everything you could muster, eyes pleading for him to not speak further about Wooyoung. The little boy seems to get the memo and instead turns away apologetically to look out of the car window. 

“Didn’t know Wooyoung and you tolerated one another” Mark chuckles, looking at you through the rearview mirror. You roll your eyes and shake your head. Your relationship with Wooyoung has been simple. Stay out of each other’s sights and minds. Do not mess with taken victims or with business. That was on normal days at least, because you can recall a handful of times where Wooyoung would go out of his way to send teasing looks and whistles at you from across the dance floor or bar as you worked your magic on a man twice your age. Sure you weren’t the bestest of friends but it was because you’re purely colleagues. 

“We don’t, but he just happened to show up at the right place at the right time” You scoff as Mark doesn’t give up the wiggling of eyebrows. But you don’t miss the feeling of a smile begging to spread over your lips. You don’t let it this time. 

“You know, I heard he’s a decent guy apart from the obvious…maybe you’d consider?” Mark tries but you quickly reject his attempt. “You know what I will reply already so don’t even go there”. Although your words sounded harsh, Mark was no stranger to them. If anything, you even think the little smile on his otherwise harsh features appreciated the realness behind your tone. None of those sweet and fake pleasantries you were both trained to share with guests. 

“Didn’t hurt to try” Mark sighs and continues the drive to his place as he knows prying would only shift the mood for the worse. 

Honestly, you weren’t sure why you hadn’t called him right away after the accident. You knew he’d be there for you. One of the only men you saw as a person. A man that you had known since the day you stepped foot at LUX on your first work day. He had been there in a finely tailored suit, an earpiece attached to a radio on his waste along with a weapon. Mark has seen LUX transform into the number one club in the city, proudly standing at its doors every weekend to welcome guests, including you. For him, LUX, had been a new start just as it had been for you. In his case, out of prison and not a penny to his name after he took the blame for his best friend’s robbery attempt on a judge’s house. It had been unplanned, childish and a desperate attempt to gain adrenaline rather than money. He had been at the wrong place at the wrong time, with sincere loyalty to his friend (loyalty he totally didn’t deserve). You had told him it was because he was a Cancer. Hongjoong spawned into his life like he does in anybody’s, totally unforeseen but at their most desperate. And Mark had jumped at the opportunity because who was he to reject?

“Hey buddy, want to stop and get food?” Mark asks the little boy who had been staring out the window in a mood of melancholy. He turned to face Mark, but you could see that his response was out of politeness rather than pure joy. “If it is of no bother”. 

“If it is of no bother? You are better articulated than I am at my ripe age” Mark tries to lighten the mood, sensing the boy was down for whatever reason. You nudge Jisung in an attempt to get a smile out of him, but today, that wasn’t enough. You almost choke on all the sighs you hold back, chest stinging slightly from the trapped air as you lick your lips anxiously, hoping to keep the mood in the car light. 

“I apologize Mark, he just-” 

“Hey, it’s all good. Let’s go get some burgers and then head to mine.” He was quick to assure you. There was no way he hadn’t created his own assumption as to why he had come to pick you up from Wooyoung’s place on a Saturday evening. And knowing just how serious he took his job, you appreciated the effort. 

Wooyoung had gotten ready for the club just earlier in the evening. You didn’t dare to hang around as he did, afraid you’d change your mind about your plan. Jisung however, had stayed glued to his side all evening and it was contradicting to think that Wooyoung was preparing for a night of work at a club where his job was literally to seduce people out of their money with kids' songs playing loudly in the inbuilt speakers. Jisung didn’t need to know exactly what you both did for work, especially you. Although with age it was becoming obvious that your workplace was different from what the jobs other kids’ mommies and daddies did in Jisung’s class. You however, would keep it hidden for as long as possible.

That night Wooyoung had worn a simple white button down with tight black slacks. His luxury sunglasses were propped strategically on top of his head, adding to the look. You didn’t allow yourself the luxury of admiring the view, yet somehow the image of him bending down to hug Jisung goodbye is vivid in your memory as you replay the clip in your head again and again all the way back to Mark’s place. 

For some reason, despite your new found confidence a few days back on Wooyoung’s couch you were hesitant. Hesitant. That was one thing becoming more common in your otherwise sure and confident way through life. Deep inside you suspected you knew what the cause of it was. You were going soft. You wanted to believe that maybe, just maybe, the warm glances and the much needed help from somebody were genuine. You felt pathetic for wanting to romanticize your life as you once did when you were younger. Yet it was anything but that simple or easy. Life has made sure to let you know. And with Wooyoung’s line of work, he was the last person you could trust. No picking you up from the sidewalk and caressing your cheek could prove otherwise, or shouldn’t at least.

Settling into Mark’s apartment didn’t take long, mostly because you had almost nothing with you still. Wooyoung did mention he’d get someone to go get your stuff but at this point it was too late anyway. When he’d come home tonight, probably a few thousand dollars richer, he’d find his place just how it was before your arrival. Large, luxurious and empty. 

Jisung remained silent through dinner and left to stay in the guest room, asking to play on your phone while you helped Mark clean up in the kitchen. How ironic that after leaving Wooyoung’s place with an argument that he’d betray you on the grounds that he is a man, you find yourself in an apartment with another. Mark would be your only exception. Apart from Jisung that is. 

“So…Wooyoung? A nephew? Should I be expecting a unicorn to fly in through my window, sweetheart?” Mark chuckles but you scowl, feeling comfortable enough to show the man your displeasement in his teasing. From the times you’d worked together, you were sure he knew that your ego would have to be put aside to ever ask for help, so something must have been going on. 

“I just…didn’t feel safe at my old place all of a sudden. It had a specific…aura to it.” It was not fully a lie, because ever since the first ever threat, the luxurious creamy walls of the hotel apartment were suddenly gloomy and taunting. “It was a rather haste and unplanned move, you know when you just get the feeling to do something” you continue but see Mark isn’t completely sold by the way his lips are slightly parted, tongue running over his teeth as he was debating on what approach to take. 

“...And as for Wooyoung, he just happened to be there. I had some…craze about leaving, you know women and our hunches. As soon as Hongjoong pays me back all of my deposit I can get a new place” You hate to use that as an excuse, especially on Mark. He was not your target and he didn’t deserve to be talked to so shallowly. This was for your own safety though. And for Jisung’s of course. 

Mark stays silent for a few seconds but ultimately sighs and gets up from the couch where you’d been talking, probably to give you space. 

“It’s getting late. I can give you a change of clothes and let you wash up” Mark rather states than suggests, knowing you’d agree anyway. You glance over at the clock hanging above the TV and note that it was almost midnight. Jisung must’ve fallen asleep by now and Wooyoung’s night was probably only getting started. You didn’t want to let your thoughts wander. But the more you resisted, the heavier the overflow of anything Wooyoung related. Wooyoung at the club. Wooyoung eating. Wooyoung’s scent. Wooyoung holding Jisung. Wooyoung’s forearms–

“Yeah, sounds like a plan” you stand up to follow Mark to what you assume is his room. This scene was awfully similar to what happened at Wooyoung’s house, yet the reality of the moment felt nothing like it had been at Wooyoung’s place. The twisting of your stomach in his proximity and the way his eyes would stare past your eyes and into your soul as if he knew you. Now that you come to think of it, he probably was the only man to know about Jisung. The only man to see you so panicked, and to be allowed to rescue you, twice. He wasn’t a stranger either as you made acquaintances every weekend. 

No, that is not an excuse to doubt your plan. Wooyoung could not give you what you needed long term. And relying on him would cause you to soften. To get vulnerable and weak. 

Truly you wished for something to hit you in the head to temporarily put your running brain on a blackout. It’s almost as if you could hear small engines running and overheating in your skull. You change into Mark’s shirt and push back any thought or comparison between him and Wooyoung. Instead you go to lay down beside Jisung.

That night, your dreams were vivid. They were not really scary yet uncanny would be the right term. Full of colors and noises. Most of them changed quickly with the plot of the dreams but the noise. Lord, it was so annoying. What the hell was so loud? You groan in annoyance which slowly makes you slip from the colorful world and open your eyes to a still dark room. It must still be night time. You furrow your brows and roll onto your other side in hopes of falling asleep when you hear it again.

“Get the fuck up! Ya! Mark Choi” 

The noises interrupting your dreams were not part of your imaginations after all. You weren’t sure how long you had been asleep for but judging by the way your eyes sting when you try to keep them open tells you only a few hours at most had gone by. 

You sit up in bed, trying to drain the drowsiness off to check on the sound. Jisung was still asleep, miraculously. You get up and exit the bedroom to find that Mark was up. Hadn’t someone called his name earlier? The lights in the living room were on and Mark was opening the front door for somebody. 

“What the hell is going-” you mutter but stop yourself when you catch a glance of a man appearing at Mark’s door. “-Wooyoung?” you hiss and come closer. 

“What the hell are you doing here man, it’s fucking four am?!” Mark mutters, seemingly just as tired as you. Well at least as tired as you had been two minutes ago. The sight of Wooyoung was like a splash of cold water in your face. Instead of answering, Wooyoung looks past Mark and straight at you. He let out a breath which half sounded like a chuckle.  

“I can’t fucking believe you” Wooyoung shakes his head, dramatic in his expression of displeasure by you. Behind the rash and sharp movements and words, there was a twinkle of sadness in his eyes. A sense of betrayal almost. 

With a hand on Mark’s shoulder you ask for a minute and the man happily returns back to bed, only after making sure you felt comfortable being left with Wooyoung. 

“I don’t even know why I came, but it must have been to confirm that after all I did for you, after our conversations, you really just left without even a fucking thank you” Wooyoung’s word were harsh. His face was as stoic as he managed to keep it, but his eyes didn’t lie. It was a shock to say the least when he had received a very unexpected message written by Jisung about you leaving his place. 

“Wooyoung, get inside at least or you’ll wake the neighbors” You hiss and make way for him to come inside. You didn’t really expect him to accept, yet he did. He steps inside Mark’s apartment and shuts the door behind him. The guilt on your face was nothing compared to the heaviness of it in your belly. Wooyoung stays silent, watching you with a razor sharp and demanding gaze. You notice his jaw clenching and unclenching a few times as it locked in place. He was waiting for you to speak first, ever so pettily.

“I was scared. That’s the truth. I am scared that you, in some twisted way, could be a part of the attack. Fuck, I am not even sure of Mark. I am losing my fucking head worrying for my safety, Wooyoung. You know the line of work we do. We lie and we trick people. Nothing is stopping you from doing the same to me” while these words itched to be said louder, to be yelled in a satisfying growl that came from the chest, you held back. 

Wooyoung puffs air from his nose and throws his head back as if to process your explanation.

“And you could be doing the same shit too. I invited you into my home. You could have robbed me or some shit.” He accuses. “Most importantly, I fucking helped you.” He pauses to finally look back at you. His voice isn’t filled with anger much longer, it was rather disgusting disappointment. “I don’t even know how or why, but out of all the people who would have deserved my help, it ended up being you.” The more he spoke the harder it became for you to ignore the bulging veins on his neck. His gaze was dark with anger. Was it normal to like the feeling of intimidation? Suddenly you weren’t even sure if you wanted to disagree with him. You didn’t want to make excuses because what he was saying is true. And it was one of the rare things a man had ever said that you couldn’t even deny. Instead your eyes stubbornly look over his features until it isn’t discreet anymore. Maybe if you furrowed your brows, you could look mad enough.

“Don’t you dare look at me like that when you’re accusing me of fucking you over like you think I did” 

You disregard the last part, feeling a need to defend yourself.

“Like what? 

“Like you’re upset when reality is…” he steps closer until you can feel the heat of him radiating onto you. “You just can't get me out of your head, can you?” 

Your spit catches in your throat as you gasp. You look back at him in shock as if the thought hadn’t crossed your mind before. How dare he suggest something like that so shamelessly?

Wooyoung senses he’s caught you off guard and keeps pushing. “You like acting like a little naive girl, having me help you and chase after you. You like it when you make me go after you and give you what you need, don’t you?” He is too accurate for your comfort but instead of pushing him away, your eyes droop from the tension, as if it was too heavy to keep them open. 

“You don’t – look-” you gasp for air to speak but Wooyoung’s smirk had spoken louder. He reaches up and when you expect his touch – probably rough too – all you feel is his palm stroking the back of your head. It was comforting, almost nurturing, which confused you. 

Wooyung watches his hand on top of your head with intent, almost as if he was braiding the sentences with words that would push you around the most. 

“And to think I am the one being chased all the time. I can get the attention I want from any woman or man but here I am, stalking you outside some man’s house at dawn only for you to want to deny it?” It was like he spoke to himself out loud. Yet each word burned your stomach. “This switch– you like it too, don’t you? Not being in control of a man. Being in the place of a victim whom I have wrapped around my finger” Wooyoung’s voice is like a siren-like. It was rough like gravel, yet it flowed so smoothly.

Wooyoungs trails his hand lower until his knuckles brush against your cheekbone. His eyes never meet yours as if to deny you of his gaze. Instead he follows wherever his hand goes. Both of you seemed to forget where you stood, too lost in the enticing moment you had created.

As much as it hurt your ego, Wooyoung was once again right. He had managed to swindle your heart like he had done with at least half of the city. You liked that he would come to you and see through the bullshit that you spewed when you were anxious. You liked that he could read you. Perhaps this is what scared you so much. Who is to say you weren’t a number in his account?

The insecurity must have appeared in your eyes because Wooyoung’s hand now cupped your cheek. His hands are soft, of course, and warm. The palm of his hand covered most of your cheek and lower jaw which created a comforting pillow over your skin. 

There seemed to not be any words left. Wooyoung was already aware of whatever answer you would have mustered if you weren’t tongue tied. He wasn’t particularly cocky tonight to keep teasing you about it either. 

The things leading up to this moment could have turned into many other scenarios yet in the position you two now shared it was painfully obvious that there was no more escaping this. Yet still you wonder if this was a trap set by Wooyoung to wickedly seek petty revenge on you or to prove a point. He was sure that he had successfully made you fall. But would he still then be looking at you with just deep eyes? In which he wished only you could swim. Would his breaths be shaky and nervous as they were now? Was everything a planned detail to get you?

And your biggest disadvantage against him was surely how he was aware the second those thoughts reached your head, so he didn’t stall for much longer. His body is stiff as he leans forward. Everything seems like it’s in slow-motion but a millisecond later, Wooyoung’s nose impacts your cheek as his lips take yours. If your mind blanked, then your body was ready to reciprocate what it had been whining about for months. You’re eager to push back against his plush lips with just as much vigor, hand wrapping around the wrist of the hand on your cheek. 

It’s fast but it’s thorough. It’s messy but it's meaningful. Wooyoung is eager as he turns his face to adjust the angle of his lips every so often to make sure you could feel the plumpest parts of him. And he needed to make sure he could get to taste every corner of your lips and mouth. 

Low hums of approval escape his throat as if he’s tasting a pleasant meal. You try to pull away but his lips follow after yours, seemingly glued together. You stumble back at the force, but Wooyoung is quick to wrap his free hand around your waist, taking the opportunity to push you into his chest. It is like you were the oxygen keeping him going but when your nose couldn’t support a breath anymore, you pulled away panting shakily. Wooyoung is visibly dazed. He curls his lips and licks the corners of his mouth as he keeps his eyes on yours. He brings his forehead against yours before sliding his forehead to rest on your shoulder. He had let it slide for tonight, seeing as the circumstances weren’t right. 

After a moment of silence and your unsynchronized breathing, Wooyoung speaks up.

“Can we leave another man’s house now, please?” he mutters into your shirt and the warmth absorbing through the material makes your shiver. You nod and he feels the motion. But you voice it anyway, shakily. “Yeah”. You assumed you’d be going home, wherever that may be. But for now it seems to be with Wooyoung. 

[misrepresentedmorallygrey]

PROPAGANDA

Rose Quartz Propaganda

"We saw her character arc in reverse!! We first saw all the good she did and then learned of her terrible actions in the past. If her story was told the other way around, it would have been a great redemption arc. Yes, she did some terrible things, but she had no choice. She did everything she could to stop the colonization of earth peacefully buy nothing worked. Blue and yellow diamond just didn't listen to her and when they did, THEY were the ones who made the zoo and shit. Rose wanted to free them but couldn't get to them after the war! And with the corruption, there's no way she could have known that'd happen. There's so many things she wanted to do but just couldn't. And with spinel, yes it was shitty to leave her alone for so long, but again, between running her court, running the rebellion, dealing with earth, she likely wasn't a very high priority and like with the zoo, there was no way to get to her after the war since the galaxy warp was destroyed. And don't forget, she was practically a child around this time. You're saying you didn't do any stupid, selfish, or harmful things as a kid? She learned from her experiences and grew, we just saw that growth in reverse, leaving us as viewers with a poor perception of her."

"Rose Quartz is Steven Universe’s dead mom. Initially, she’s set up as sort of an ethereal perfect figure who everyone misses and compares him to. Later we get to see more of her backstory and discover that she’s actually like, a person, with flaws, who has done some bad things, but she did those bad things largely in the course of trying to escape an abusive home life and save the people and planet that she fell in love with. It’s very clear that despite her flaws she was trying to do the right thing and that she deeply cared about others. Unfortunately, a woman who was not a Perfect Martyr was way too much for the Steven Universe fandom to handle. She pretty much set off the wave of SU crit blogs because these people were furious either that she had taken violent measures to solve her problems, that she hadn’t taken violent enough measures to solve her problems, or both somehow. Lots of “Why didn’t she just murder her abusive parental figures?” Lots of “She was evil for having a baby even though she knew she’d die in childbirth!” Lots of “She should’ve been able to protect everyone from a magic nuclear weapon with the power of love somehow.” Lots of “She shouldn’t have rebelled (even though not rebelling would’ve meant the destruction of Earth) because her abusers retaliated and that’s her fault.” LOTS of people drawing her as stick thin even though she was fat in the show. People treated her like she was on the same level or even worse than her abusive parental figures who were also the main villains of the show. It was unbearable to witness."

Mahiru Propaganda

"They got unfairly voted guilty in the first round and keeps getting blamed She never meant to hurt anyone and the only reason she did was cause she couldn’t read social ques"

"Mahiru Shiina is the most traditionally feminine character in Milgram, and she’s very in love with the idea of love. That makes her an easy fandom target. In Milgram, we are introduced to ten murderers. It quickly becomes apparent that not all of these murders are conventional. By the time we are introduced to Mahiru, we already know most of these unconventional murderers. Mahiru’s first music video depicts her going on various dates with her boyfriend, even though he is not shown in the frame. At the end of the video, Mahiru wakes up, turns to the camera, and has a horrified expression. Whatever happened, she didn’t want it to happen. And then a lot of the fandom accused her of being a stalker. Was that what got her a 55% guilty/unforgiven vote? I don’t know. I wasn’t there. But she heard what the fandom said. She heard these voices saying she couldn’t be forgiven. Saying that she was a stalker or that she didn’t really love her boyfriend, even though that wasn’t true. She was beaten to near-death by Kotoko, a vigilante who was forgiven by 67%. Fuuta, who also sustained serious injuries from Kotoko, calls out the audience surrogate, saying what we did with our verdicts would have made us the same as him if Mahiru had died. And yet Mahiru doesn’t blame either us or Kotoko. Mahiru’s second music video shows that she was indeed in a proper relationship with her boyfriend. She smothered him with her love. The video slowly revealed the toxicity in their relationship. She asked why she can’t do anything right. The fandom perception was better in that she was safely voted innocent/forgiven. Still, there are issues. Some infantilize her or say that she’s delusional. Yes, she had a sheltered upbringing and has difficulties reading social cues, but that doesn’t take away her agency. On the flip side, some have theorized that she kidnapped her boyfriend and wasn’t in a proper relationship with him. (Not sure what to say about that, but this is a series about sympathetic murderers.)"

[tonguetiedraven]

So I was cleaning up a few manga panels for my other blog, and darn it, I need to talk about my thoughts on two scenes in the Shimane Illuminati arc (specifically chapters 61 and 62) because Kato deserves all the applause for everything. This post will be for chapter 61 and I'll post 62 later.

TW/CW for character death, medical abuse, and mental health struggles. Content below the cut.

First, in chapter 61 we get this heart breaking page when Tamamo Kamiki dies.

To get into what I'm seeing with this panel, I need to give a brief (or I'll try and make it brief) overview of Tamamo. Tamamo gets introduced to us in chapter 52 and the first panel we get of her is her sobbing into the camera that everyone acts so cold towards her because she is sleeping with the head priest and not married to said high priest.

We are then told that she was an irresponsible and careless woman by Mike. We find out three really important things though.

Tamamo is judged by the people around her and gets a cold shoulder

Tamamo relies heavily on her daughter and the byakko to have the house run at all and has dreams of a fantastic family and house she has shown no ability to actually run.

Tamamo is in love with the (shitty) Chief Priest of Inari and that he isn't married to her.

We then find out:

That Tamamo and her entire line have always managed the terrifying and unruly Nine Tails by assimilating the god and becoming her, and that the town/shrine distrust her because of that, even though she does it to protect them. They ostracize her for the duty her family has and they judge the entire family because she had Soji's children.

Notice Soji isn't in the judged club and that Soji has never seen his daughters. He's never been to her house. It is always her going to him.

This theme of ostracization is something that pops up over and over and over again in Blue Exorcist. Almost all of the main characters had a childhood that was lonely and where they were rejected by their peers--almost always for things outside their direct control and almost always in someway connected to demons, even if they didn't know it, but I'll get to that more in a moment. Suffice to say, at this point we can see that Tamamo is isolated outside of her illicit meetings with Soji (not at all healthy as we'll see later on) her interactions with the demons around her, and her daughters, neither of which are old or mature enough to offer her the type of companionship she's in need of, which leads to everyone in this tangled dynamic having unhealthy relationships with each other.

We see Tamamo seeking connections and affections and largely being rebuffed by it everywhere except Tsukumo and the byakko. Soji's affection has strings attached, and Izumo is too fed up to offer any affection. The other members of the shrine ostracize her and give her a cold shoulder, and I'd bet money that they're vocal about their opinions any time she's around. (And they likely don't care if the kids are around or not.)

What I'm getting at is that Tamamo is lonely and you see that in how desperate she is for approval and connection and it mostly comes out with Soji. She does whatever he wants to keep her connection to him intact. We've also had a few indications thus far in the manga that isolation and depression and poor mental health are things demons take advantage of. We'll get more explanation on that later on, but suffice to say that Tamamo is not at all in a healthy spot to be constantly risking possession against an immensely powerful and evil demon.

I'll be honest and clear up front that I have no love for Soji and think him deplorable and he did not do anything to help Tamamo that we see. Rather, it seems he exclusively used her for his own pleasures without any care for her or the consequences their time together had.

I also think it's important that everyone know that Nine Tails -- at least the Nine Tails in this story -- is based of Tamamo no Mae who is an infamous yokai in Japanese lore. She has a long and complicated history with her origins unknown and a lot of political manipulation, but an important thing to know about her is that she is always depicted as a child eater. She devours women as well, and thrives on seducing men. She's beautiful and powerful and alluring, and she's manipulative.

So generations of women manipulated and regularly partially possessed by Nine Tails down the line, we have a shrine and town that reject Tamamo and her losing her grasp on the one adult who 'likes' her, and we see this moment:

We see her staring at him, enjoying the light atmosphere and gathering her courage (the sweat drop in the panel has me thinking she's nervous about this because it's not the first time this convo has happened.)

She wants him to come to her house and is trying to make it as appealing as possible. She wants a family and the life she's been dreaming up.

Soji rejects the idea entirely and pushes further by saying if she asks for him to interact with the kids in any way he'll dump her. The one adult connection she has will be lost because of her children. (Not actually. It's because he's a dick but she sees it as the children being the problem.)

She then goes immediately to Nine Tails to do the dance of spirit invocation which we're told this about:

So Tamamo--who has been isolated and lonely for at least a large chunk of her adult life is now seeing the one connection she's made with another adult (and an unhealthy one at that) potentially break because of her children-- goes to assimilate the Nine Tails in that unstable and unhealthy emotional and mental state.

It is heavily implied that Nine Tails started to take her over at this point, and you see her become more and more obsessed with Soji and more angry with her children, further isolating herself away from the small amount of support and connection she did have until she's entirely possessed by the vengeful and malevolent spirit of Nine Tails.

She murders Soji and tries to do the same to her children before the Illuminati take her and subject her to years of torture, all while she's still possessed by the Nine Tails.

One more detail and I'll get back to the scene in chapter 61.

When Tamamo was last fully in control of her faculties and saw her daughter, she saw Izumo in the same place she was. Ostracized by her community with no one but their small family to lean on. Her daughter was doomed to follow the same path Tamamo had, and at this point, it looks like this was a cycle that had been going on for at least a few generations. Isolated and connection starved women raising daughters who were isolated and connection starved children. Tamamo became overly touchy and clingy to everyone where Izumo became mistrustful. (And man does she have a lot of reasons for that.)

Now back to chapter 61 and the moment Tamamo dies.

She wakes up amongst the chaos of the zombie hoard going towards possessed Izumo, and she immediately intervenes to get the Nine Tails spirit back inside herself to save her daughter.

That's important to understand for her. She moved before the next moment I'm going to talk about. She saw Izumo possessed and didn't seem to hesitate to save her daughter. She has been tortured for five years and immediately moves to start that horrible possession again.

But while she's dancing to contain Nine Tails in herself, this is going on in the background:

Each of the other teens in the room came to get Izumo and they're shouting their support of her even while they fight an endless hoard of zombies because they came to get her. Tamamo can hear that happening and she can see that they came to help Izumo.

No one came to help Tamamo. At no point did anyone ever come to rescue her or fight for her. She was blamed for everything and was left to bear all the consequences for five years. (I am not blaming Izumo for that. She was a child and was not responsible for saving her mother.)

But with "We're here for you!" ringing in Tamamo's ears, she completes the ritualistic dance and frees her daughter from the possession.

Tamamo in her dying moments looks at her daughter and sees a community around her that Tamamo didn't have. She sees people willing to intervene and help and fight even though Izumo is pushing them away and possessed and not easy to get along with.

Tamamo, from everything we saw, was isolated and rejected by her community and had no one to support her. She was manipulated and played by her significant other and left vulnerale to possession by a society that needed her to do the thankless job and hated her for doing the thankless job. She was bubbly and friendly and still pushed away and rejected and ostracized until she succumbed to Nine Tails.

back to chapter 52

Blue Exorcist talks a lot about curses and ostracization. All the main cast suffer from it in some way or another. They've all been called terrible things and most of them have been treated as if they aren't human, and a lot of them have complicated lineages and may not be fully human which just amplifies the amount they're rejected by their peers.

For Tamamo, that curse was literal and figurative. The literal curse was the constant absorption of an insane demon that eventually consumed her until she'd destroyed what little family she had.

It was figurative in that as the head priestess and medium in charge of the rituals, she was rejected by the community she needed to support her. She was left floundering on the outside, always given just a taste of what she could have had if she was born to a different family, and left with a longing for what she would never be given and always wondering why she couldn't have it. (And yes, I'm probably reading into some things and filling in the blanks with hypothesis and assumptions.)

But in that final moment, Tamamo sees that curse of isolation and rejection has been broken by Izumo. That her daughter, who like all the daughters of the Kamiki line was alone, is no longer alone. That she has friends and support. Support that followed her into this hell and reached out to call her back even from a demon like Nine Tails.

I don't know if I've made myself all that clear, but I love the way that Kato has shown this over and over again and keeps showing the rejection of isolation and ostracization as any kind of solution. That she keeps showing through each of these relationships and arcs that it's reaching for and connecting with other people that brings change and healing and hope, and I love how she shows that through moments like this. It's a little moment that's so easy to miss, but it's so immensely huge when looked at in the context of the entirety of Tamamo's life.

I wish she knew that they would have come for her if they'd known she'd been there all this time. I wish she'd have found a community to support her and I wish she'd had someone to tell her Soji was a dick and she could do better.

I wish she could see Izumo now, still connected to her friends and even though it's the end of the world, she's fighting with and beside them. That she's seeking out connections and learned her lesson about not needing to be alone. That she's teased and loved and welcomed.

But I'm pretty sure in that final moment, she saw it all anyway.

[the-hopeless-haze]

When Will the Clouds All Disappear? (ch1)

Gregory House x Reader - part of Series If You Want It, You Can Bleed on Me

Word Count: 2k

Warnings: heavy suicidal ideation

“Kind of rude to make a cripple head to the roof of a building to look for you.” You hear his voice, loud and clear behind you, gravelly and distinctly masculine. You’d know it was him anywhere.

“What do you want, Greg?” You ask, sniffling. You're sitting on the ground, your back against the ledge, having made yourself sick staring off it for a good ten minutes before he arrived. Your head is in your hands, blocking him out, blocking everything out. You can’t open your eyes. You can’t bring yourself to look at him.

“You know,” he says firmly. You wish you had four hands so you could block your ears, too. You wish you were senseless. It would be so much easier. So much more peaceful.

“You wouldn’t have to worry anymore. I would just be gone,” you say, and you hate this, you hate everything, you wish he didn’t come up here so you could jump. Guilt-free. You know you look fucking ridiculous, with your hospital gown riding up to your thighs and those stupid non-slip socks damn near falling off your feet. Your hair is blowing wildly in the bitter January wind, and you feel lightheaded and woozy as it is, having pulled out your IV that hooked you up to fluids a half hour ago now.

“That isn’t what I want. I want you to come back downstairs with me.”

“How did you even know I was up here?” you question.

“You’re the one thing I can and can’t predict. Knew you’d come up here when they said you left the bed… still don’t know if anything I can say can get through to you. If you jump I jump?”

You shake your head. “No. You deserve to live.”

“And you don’t think you do?”

“No. And I don’t want to either.”

“Why not? I thought we had fun together.”“But you don’t care—“

“Why am I up here with you freezing my ass off if I don’t care?”

“Just go.”

“Not without you, sweetheart.”

You grimace at the pet name, it sounds so fake coming from his lips. “You didn’t even come to see me,” you whisper.

“I’m sorry,” he says. “I didn’t know… I didn’t know what to say.”“Anything would’ve been better than nothing.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I know. You’ll say anything so I don’t jump,” you say, tasting bitterness acrid on your tongue. You wish you could turn off your brain, but you’ve been here before, seconds to an attempt and still gone through with it with no one to stop you except for your diseased brain. And it was diseased, every impulse usually hardwired to keep your body alive at all costs screaming to be let out of its misery and to just let you die, please. It’s almost like an addiction, instead of one more hit, it’s just like, one more thing to let go of. One more thing to convince yourself doesn’t matter, one more person to convince yourself wants you to die or doesn’t care if you go, one more event you’ll never get to live through that you convince yourself you didn’t want to attend anyway.

“I mean it,” he says urgently. “I’m sorry. Okay? I’ve been a shitty boyfriend, lover, friend with benefits, or whatever you want to call me. I know I’m not the reason you’re contemplating this right now. You’ve struggled with this all your life. I’m not going to fix it. But Jesus Christ. You and I both know this isn’t the goddamn answer. You spent your whole life going to school and working to prevent people from offing themselves.”

“Fuck you,” you mutter. “I’m sorry I didn’t come to see you,” he says. “I came for the surgery—“

“You had plenty of time to see me. You weren’t there when I needed you to be! I’m just another patient, is that it? Don’t come visit them unless you think you’ll learn something? What was it, you never got to see a D&C before? I called you, Greg. You never answered. I had to call Wilson to make sure you weren’t dead but of course, you weren’t, you were just avoiding me and why should I expect anything more from you? Of course you run when things get hard; when the woman you’ve been fucking might need a little more than after-sex cuddles.” You stand up as you say this, turning your back to him, looking over the ledge. Fuck.

“I’m sorry. Just please don’t jump,” he says and if you were in your right mind you’d notice that he was getting increasingly desperate, but you aren’t noticing much of anything right now. Except that your plans were thwarted. You see firefighters and they’ve already set up a trampoline on the side of the building. You don’t say anything, nothing at all, and you start to walk away from that ledge and then sprint toward the other one, hoping that you can get over there, run faster than he can, but he’s on you, and he moves fast for someone with an injured leg when the adrenaline kicks in, and you feel yourself knocked to the ground, his warm breath fanning your face.

“Got you. You’re not getting away from me that easy,” he says, and you finally look at him for the first time since you’ve been up here. You wish he would crush you to death but he’s barely putting his weight on you, just enough that you can’t move.

“I can’t go through this again,” you mutter, squeezing your eyes shut, and you expect the hysterical tears but they never come. You feel numb. Empty.

“You can. You can and you will.”

“You’re going to put me on a hold?”

“I have to,” he says, and you could trick yourself into thinking there’s guilt in his blue eyes when you open yours again. “I’ll make sure they give you the good stuff. Say you need to be chemically restrained. Order you Haldol, Ativan, or whatever you want. But I need… I need to know you’re safe.”

“So you’ll sedate me?”

“It’s the only way I’ll be able to sleep.”

“Just like you to make it about yourself, huh?”

“Shut up,” he says sternly, tacking your name on the end of the command like a warning. “This isn’t about me. None of this is about me. I know that.”

“Then you should have let me go.”

“One day you’ll thank me,” he says, digging his phone out of his jacket pocket. “Hey. Yeah. I need help bringing her downstairs. She’s not going to go willingly.”

You hate how he’s talking about you the way you would talk about patients to your coworkers, and you hate him for calling Wilson to help him walk you down the stairs. Wilson’s a certified sap, and the look on his face, his brown eyes sympathetic and his brows furrowed… makes you want to hit him, and maybe you’d try if you had the energy to. You don’t want pity. You want to be left to your own devices. You want nothing, hatred, you could stand, but Wilson looking at you like you were a kicked puppy is more than you can handle right now.

“I wasn’t going to jump,” you say, and it’s unconvincing even to your own ears. “I wasn’t even on the ledge when you came up here.”

“Yeah. Well. It’s enough that I don’t believe you,” Greg says. “Your track record sucks. Every attempt has been after a traumatic event. Forgive me for being a little worried.”

You’re about to protest, say he doesn’t know anything, but you know he went through your medical files before the first time your lips touched his. Fair enough. Two could play at that game, certainly, and you took what you felt you could without him getting suspicious out of your file. You looked through his, too, because what’s good for him is by all means fucking good for you too, and if you can’t have normal conversations like a normal couple, at least you could learn about each other unconventionally. Isn’t that love, at least kind of love, searching high and low for information, trying to memorize somebody else like you know yourself?

Never mind that it’s illegal.

You feel his mouth on yours, his scruff scratching pleasantly at your skin, and… yeah. That’s when the fucking tears come.

You wish neither of these men saw you like this. You were meant to be firm, cold but compassionate, distant but likable, albeit only from that distance. You didn’t get close to people, not since you were younger, because you knew how you’d get and you knew it was a horrific sight. Wilson, you love like a brother, but Gregory… you love irrevocably, irreverently, irreversibly. Intense is an understatement, and you wish it wasn’t the case, you wish so badly you could turn it off and become the woman you were before that man and his cane hobbled into your life. You wish more than anything you were alone right now.

But then again. You might not be alive.

“Shh. It’s okay,” he says, and you don’t believe him. He doesn’t believe it himself. It’s just something to say. And he hates those clichés. He hates talking just to talk. Yet … he says that to you. He lies to you, just for your benefit. Everybody lies.. but it's usually for their own gain. “I don’t want to make this worse than it has to be,” he says slowly. “Make this easy for us.”

“You have drugs on you, Greg,” you say, rolling your eyes through your tears. You hate that you know him this well. “You’re prepared to sedate me regardless.”

“Maybe. Maybe not. I don’t want to have to get to that point. Would you rather be sedated? Because I can arrange that.”

“Get off me.”

“Are you going to walk with us?”

“Yeah,” you huff.

“Good girl,” he says, and in a different context that would lead to something very different than this. But no. He lifts himself off you instead of dicking you down, wincing when he puts his weight back on his leg, and he and Wilson both help you off the concrete roof. It’s now you realize your back is scraped from when Greg pushed you down, and you grimace as you stand up. Everything hurts.

You have four strong hands on your body now, Wilson’s thin graceful fingers wrapping around your left arm, the other hand on the small of your back to steady you. Greg, you’re more fine with seeing you this way, he’s a train wreck himself and you’ve gotten him out of his shell before. But Wilson? He’s got everything together, well, except for his marriages. House’s larger hands grip you too, one hand firm on your right shoulder and the other around your side.

It’s a slow walk down the stairs, back into the building and you feel a rush of relief at the feeling of heat on your body, but then it becomes too much and you don’t know what you’re fighting for because you know there’s no way you could run, you may be faster than Greg but there’s no way you’d get by Wilson in your current state, and then you’re pushed against the wall in the staircase, Wilson’s calling for security on a radio and a gurney on the radio, and they’re both holding you there and you’re struggling against them, arms you try to push out of the way and legs you try to kick but it’s to no avail, you feel the slight pinch of a needle in your arm and … that’s it. Maybe this is what you were asking for but you were too ashamed to say, too ashamed to acquiesce verbally to the sedation, too embarrassed to say “no, I need to be unconscious for this, thank you.” But you weren’t too embarrassed to pull a fucking nutty in the staircase of the hospital you work at.

“I would’ve just given it to you,” you hear Greg say. “You don’t have to do everything the hard way.”

And then, thankfully, mercifully, pleasantly, you fade out and away.

[reidslovely]

friends to lovers with peter where you two go on a double date with other people but are just caught up in each other the whole time to the point their dates call them out on it

hi friend, sorry it took so long to get back to you! here you go hope it is everything you wanted 🩵

please reblog and comment if you like the post!!

“And then we got kicked out of the skate park.” Peter laughed, as he ended his story. (Y/n) shook her head as she downed the last bit of her glass of merlot. 

“Not true I got kicked out of the skate park, you did not.” She corrected, pointing a finger at herself. Peter moved slightly to the left, his arm unwrapping from around his dates shoulder, leaning across towards (Y/n). “But I never went back in support of you.” 

“Whatever.” She drugged out, laughing at his statement. There was a sudden clearing of the throat next to her that pulled her attention away from some distant memory, and to her date she almost forgot completely. “So you two have been friends for quite some time huh?” He asked, (Y/n) hated to admit it but she couldn’t remember the redhead's name. Tom..Tim..fuck, maybe it was Paul. 

“Oh yeah. Since middle school..maybe 5th grade?” 

It had all felt like several lifetimes together honestly. The two of them had literally seen each other at every point of their lives, it was so funny to be here on a date the two of them set up for one another. Continuing that endless cycle. 

“It was definitely 6th grade cause that was the year we kissed at the Sadie Hawkins dance.” 

“You guys have kissed?” The woman, Macy,  next to Peter asked looking between the two friends. 

“A couple times it was never anything serious. I was sad that the girl who asked me to the dance didn’t wanna dance with me, and she kissed this Flash dude who was like my arch nemesis at the time. In our puberty ridden jealousy (Y/n) acted as a good friend and gave me my first kiss.” Peter laughed downing his glass of water as if it was the most normal topic in the world. 

“We’ve kissed plenty of times, friends kiss right?” 

“No.” The dates  in the booth replied in unison, trading weird looks. Peter raised his eyebrow looking at (Y/n), red faced and hiding behind her hands. This was getting worse and worse by the minute. 

“‘Course they do.” Peter laughed trying to ease the tension, his foot brushing against her leg under the table letting her know it is okay. 

“Look I don’t wanna be the one to break the news to you two, but..” The redhead started up again turning to face both (Y/n) and Peter. This was not gonna be good. “It is clear you two have some type of unspoken tension that maybe you need to get rid of before double dating. I don’t think I have ever been a third wheel on my own date.” 

“Oh come on, that's not true.” (Y/n) laughed. “We’ve had a great time, we've talked plenty!”

“No you two talked..mostly about and to each other.” The blonde woman next to Peter spoke, standing up and gathering her things. “This has been fun, really..interesting to say the least. Don’t call me.” She said before practically running out of the bar. Peter pressed his lips together in a humph, looking at (Y/n)’s date leaving right behind Macy. There was silence as the two ate the shitty appetizer on the table, that was as far as they had gotten, the fucking appetizer. “Do you think they were right?” (Y/n) asked not looking at Peter as she picked at the food. 

“I dunno, maybe?” Peter shrugged. “It would explain all my failed relationships.” 

“Oh so those are my fault?” 

“No, no. God no, that’s not what I’m saying at all.” Peter laughs. “It’s mine because they say you’re all I talk about.” He laughs. “That’s why Liz Allan broke up with me freshman year. That’s why that Penelope girl I dated broke up with me all those months ago. I compare them to you, I talk about you in a way a friend shouldn’t I guess.” Peter was finally looking at her the way he did in high school, the way he looked at her when there was a chance.  “Come on, you can’t tell me you haven't compared the way we’ve kissed to the way you kiss your partners..”

(Y/n) thought about it for a moment, he wasn’t wrong. In their school years she always thought if things didn’t work out with Gwen she and Peter could finally have a chance. But that never happened, and he moved on with other people and (Y/n) thought she had too. 

Peter rounded the booth, now sitting knee to knee with her. His hand on her leg, his thumb rubbing her knee cap slowly. 

“It’s been a long, looong time. Let’s just give it a shot, me and you. Whattya say? Mhm finally?” 

(Y/n)’s lips pulled in a downward smile, that held years of long finally being pushed to the surface. Her eyes glaring at him. “I like that idea..” She whispers, scared that if she spook much louder her voice would echo throughout the entire restaurant due to how excited she was. 

“Good, me too.” Peter whispered back, before catching her lips in a deep, eat gut wrenching kiss that held years of longing confessions behind it.

------

tags: @a-lumos-in-the-nox @sincericida @helloheyhihowdyheya @messymissy @adhdhufflepuff @someblessedmonster

[blacksapphhicmaddonna]

BSM X MBF Collab Pt. 1: Maria Rambeau!

Refresher on the rules/goal linked here!

For this one, the ship options were:

1- Carol Danvers

2- Someone else?/No Ship!/Pass (First author chooses)

3- Reader

MBF(@mybonafidefeelings) chose #2!

Disclaimers:

As always, all main characters are BLACK and all content is written by GENDER EXPANSIVE BLACK SAPPHICS.

We do not, under any circumstances, give consent for our works (collective or individual) to be used to train AI, copied or stolen. If you have any questions, please reach out to either of us.

Some of the dividers are from @firefly-graphics

If you want to be tagged, pls comment on this post!

Word Count: 1,197

CW: Slightly misogynistic joke made by a woman to another woman, mentions of menstrual products

MARIA RAMBEAU X BLACK!OLD FRENEMY/LI (OC)

⋆｡ﾟ🪐｡⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆༘⋆₊ ⊹★🔭๋࣭ ⭑⋆｡˚. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧⋆｡ﾟ🪐｡⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆

"What's the damn difference between extra strength and extra strong dish soap?" Maria huffed to herself as she did her best to hurry down the nearly empty isles of the grocery store.

It had taken her nearly the whole day to make it to the grocery store, which only added to her already sour mood. It was hot, her hair was sweating out in the back, work was hell, Monica was home with the chicken pox, and she only had 15 minutes to get everything she needed and check out. And now she couldn't figure out what dish soap to buy. She couldn't wrap her head around why people couldn't just be straight forward with what they were trying to sell you. Is being strong not the same as having strength? She huffed again, trying to pull herself together. She knew it didn't matter which one she chose, the dishes would still get washed - she just wanted at least one choice she made to mean something. Sighing and grabbing the one closest to her, she ran down the isle and turned to the next as she pulled out her crumpled up list from her pocket.

Repeating it's contents to herself, she ruffled through the isle with jagged agility. Pulling boxes of elbow noodles off the shelf while her cart was still rolling down, grabbing it just in time to stop in front of the crushed tomatoes. If someone was paying enough attention, they might think she was a superhero, which her daughter often called her. She shuddered at the thought usually, for reasons she seldom gave herself the time to think about - but Monica often wondered if she'd feel differently if she could see herself outside of herself, when she did things like this.

She made her way through the store like this until she only had two things left. Ground beef and tampons. Both necessary, both across the store from each other. With an even deeper sigh, she darted across the store to the isle with hygiene products. She grabbed a few boxes without looking and ran back, hoping no one had touched her cart. Thankfully there really was hardly anybody in the store aside from some middle aged white guy with an attitude problem, but he was already checking out. She was thankful that she wouldn't have to deal with him, although she felt bad for the teenage cashier. After ringing the bell for the meat counter and finally accepting that no one was going to serve her, she settled for the cheaper beef and headed to the front with her cart.

As she rolled her cart into the isle and finished unloading, she browsed the shitty magazines and considered a candy bar against her better judgement, not noticing the person walking up behind her.

"You could use a candy bar. You look thin." A smooth, almost mischievous voice saunters in from behind her, sending a rise of tingles up her spine. Although it registers as somewhat familiar to her, Maria is exhausted and definitely doesn't have time for whatever sleaze is about to piss her off. Turning around with a mostly justified fury (because only some of it is misdirected today, which is better than most days), she's ready to burn whoever dared to tell her what she could use.

"Who the hell do you think-" "Most women would take that as a compliment, but you're certainly not most women, are you Maria?" says the tall, handsome, definitely mischievious woman standing behind her. And for one, much longer than it should've been moment of confusion, comfort, and most importantly - the absence of any fury, Maria Rambeau is speechless for the first time in a LONG time.

While she's stuck, the woman puts her few items, including the candy bar on the black conveyor belt and chuckles. As her arm retracts back, Maria's senses are overcome with the jasmine, cade and that familiar distinct sweetness of juniper berry mixed with vanilla and shea butter. Only the sound of the person speaking over the intercom shakes her from this unexpected trance, a moment too late as she blinks herself back while the woman who's now snuck in front of her is paying for everything, including a tip for the cashier who's now blushing as she begins to bag the items.

"I didn't need you to do that!" Maria exclaims, shocking even herself with how shrill her voice sounds as she pulls bills out of her wallet. "I know you don't, but you were standing there like a deer caught in some headlights and the store is closing. I don't want your money, Maria." Maria nearly shudders at the use of her name being wrapped in this familiar cadence and tone. The woman is grabbing the bags now, walking away with that annoyingly smug demeanor she always has. Maria snaps out of it again, closing her wallet and running behind her by the time she's already out the sliding doors.

"Rowe." The taller woman stops and takes a moment before turning around, holding both bags with a smile that's definitely hiding something. "What are you doing here?" Maria asks. "Wouldn't you like to know?" Rowe teases back, testing the waters. "Give me my stuff. I'll send you a money order." Maria welcomes back the fury like a shitty roommate she's used to living with. Rowe just laughs as Maria snatches the bag and walks past her to her car. "You'd need my address to do that, my love." Maria holds back another shudder. She keeps walking, determined to force this out of her mind in the next 20 minutes and pretend it never happened. Determined not to think about it, determined not to wait for her to leave and follow her. "Alright, alright! I thought you'd laugh but I can see nothing is very funny to you today huh?" She says as she walks up next to Maria, still trying to poke and prod at least a smile out of the pilot. "What are you doing here, Charles?" "Ouch, back to last names." She says dramatically as she pretends to be wounded in the chest. "I'm here for work." She says, waiting to see Maria's reaction - which she won't give her. Maria feels some sort of relief, knowing the woman will have to leave sooner or later. "6 months, if you were wondering, Rambeau." Maria once again stops in her tracks. She looks up at the woman with a mix of confusion, bewilderment, and excitement? "Enjoy your dinner. See you around?" The taller woman asks with a smile as she drops the candy bar into Maria's bag and walks off, not getting into a car but walking straight out of the parking lot. Maria just stands there, stuck and stuck and stuck for what feels like forever.

Finally getting into her car, she prays it doesn't stall again and reaches around for her sunglasses. Looking next to her, she sees the candy bar and sighs. Taking a bite and trying to level her breathing, she pulls out. Still determined to pretend the interaction she just had didn't happen, and praying the woman won't be at work on Monday.

⋆｡ﾟ🪐｡⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆༘⋆₊ ⊹★🔭๋࣭ ⭑⋆｡˚. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧⋆｡ﾟ🪐｡⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆

lmk how you feel! can't wait to see what @mybonafidefeelings does with this!

[romanarose]

About a Girl: Chapter 9

Beautiful header by my beloved @not-a-unique-snowflake-blog

Joel Miller x Trans!Fem!Reader (Nickname, Blue)

Series Masterlist : The Last of Us Masterlist : Full Masterlist

Summary: Blue sets up her future in Joel's life, step by step by step

Warnings for whole fic, not chapter by chapter: 18+ ONLY!! I cannot warn against everything, but these are major themes. Joel is a lil ignorant but not out of hate. He just doesn't know. He's trying his best. There will be smut. Penetrative sex, all of the anal play, oral. There will be transphobia from other people. Addiction and alcoholism. QUICK child neglect not by Joel but I promise, Sarah is fine and is having a great time in life. Fetishization of women attracted to women by a shitty guy. Will update as needed. Again, this is adult content. Expect adult content.

Immersivity: Reader is transgender, AMAB female, reader has had gotten bottom surgery, not top, and is on hormones. reader has visible hair and a blue streak in hair, but not described. Could be braids, could be natural hair, whatever. Header is for aesthetics only. Reader is about Joel and Tommy's height. Let me know if i miss anything!

TAGS HAVE BEEN SHITTY make sure you're caught up!!

TRANS LIVES MATTER! TRANS YOUTH MATTER! TRANS ELDERLY MATTER! TRANS WOMEN MATTER! TRANS MEN MATTER! NON BINARY TRANS MATTER!

Step one: Kayla.

You knew showing up to Kayla’s front door was a bit of a risk, but for Joel, you’d do anything. When she opened the door to see you, her eyes went wide and immediately she trid to shut you out, but you stuck your steel toed boots in before it hit the doorframe.

“Here’s what’s gonna happen, Kayla. You are stay’n the fuck away from Joel.”

She narrowed her eyes at you. “Thought he dumped your ass.”

“Yeah, because of you and his dumbass brother, but we worked it out.” After the day you lost your job, Joel came over a few times that week to check on you. That turned into helping you pack, which turned into him volunteering his truck and himself to move you to Tess’s place that was now going to be packed with the most rag-tag group of misfits you’d ever seen. Tommy was part of step 2. After spending time together again and Tommy wasn’t his sole responsibility anymore, you and Joel fell into each other again. And he fell into you again. And again. And again. Joel was yours and you were his, and you were making sure it stayed that way now. This had been carefully discussed with him, but there was no way you were sending your sweet, passive boyfriend to his abusive ex to lay out the boundaries.

You continued. “You can see Sarah, but like he said, ONLY under direct supervision. You will only contact him about that. If you show up unplanned around him, or harass or threaten him, me, Tommy, Tess, Sarah, hell, even Talia for whatever reason, we will be filing a restraining order. Tommy and Tess have eyewitness accounts of how you treated him, and honey.” You glare at her, using your height to intimidate. “He told me what you did to him. The hitting, the sexual coercion. You’re lucky he asked me not to, because I’d beat your ass.”

Kayla looked like she wanted to say something, to spit something back but thought better of it. “I’m not jumping through hoops just to see my daughter.”

Settling your feathers a bit, you step back. “That’s just it, isn’t it? You won’t jump through hoops for her. But Joel would. I would. Joel would fight tooth and nail for Sarah, but you know what? You’re the one missing out, because she’s a special kid. She’s kindhearted, funny, smart, and I get to see her almost every day.” Kayla scoffs, but you prod deeper. “Did you ever want her? Or was she just a prop to try and get Joel.”

“You have no right to ask me that-”

“I did anyway.”

“She’ll never love you.” Kayla stood up straighter. “It’s bad enough Joel chose a man in a dress above a real woman, but she’s going to hate you for what you are.”

She was trying to cut you deep, to hurt you are harshly as she possibly could. But that wasn’t going to work on you. You weren’t a child, you were secure in yourself, your femininity and the live in your little family. “No, she won’t.” You say with confidence. “Because she’s a good kid. Because I’m gonna be there for her like you never were. The world is changing, Kayla, and you should probably catch up. I’ll see you if you wanna come get Sarah.” With that, you turned on the heel of your black boot and walked to your car.

Step two: Tommy

“Hey baby.” Joel greeted you with a smile and a chaste kiss, Sarah trailing behind him. “Hey guys.”

Everyone greeted Joel, Talia asking Sarah if she wanted to go to the hottub Tess installed in her house. Sarah was enthralled, announcing she already had her swimsuit on under her winter clothes. Spring in Texas wasn’t bad at all, but the idea of getting water at this time of year was exciting to say the least to a 5 year old. 

Talia’s offer was intentional, planned. Tommy told Joel he needed to talk, and he needed Blue and Tess with him.

When they were all sat down, coffee in hand, Joel started.

“What’s go’n on, Tommy? Ya make’n me nervous. You okay?”

As nervous as Joel is, Tommy’s leg jitters until Tess places a reassuring hand on him. “It’s okay. You know he ain’t gonna freak out.”

That only served to make Joel more nervous. “Freak out about what?”

“It’s not a big deal Joel, I promise.”

He turned to you. “You know?”

Poor guy looked so worried. Despite the bickering, he loved Tommy so fuckin much. “I do, but please don’t be mad. It’s not something I was at liberty to say.” You turn to the younger brother. “Tom, honey, you’re freaking him out.”

Tommy nodded, taking in a deep breath before blurting out, “IM GAY.”

Eyebrows furrowing together, Joel looks confused for a moment. “No you aren’t.”

“JOEL!” You and Tess shout, chiding him for his reaction, but Joel is quick to defend.

“Shit! Sorry! I just mean, You like women, you’d always liked women. I’m sorry, fucking hell, I’m bad at this.” He scrubs his face, dagging wrinkled skin down with his fingertips. “Okay, I guess first, I love you, ‘M always gonna love you, and I obviously don’t care about that, almost everyone I know right now is gay or trans so-”

“But it’s different with your brother, isn’t it?” Tommy asked with a worried expression, leg jiggling again.

Joel shook his head. “No, of course not. I want you to be happy. Is this why… well, why you’ve been doing so much drugs and drink’n?

Tommy roled his eyes. “It’s not that-” But stopped himself when Tess elbowed him. Downplaying the incident with Sarah would re-ignite the tension. He sighs. “I guess that’s part of it. I’m um… checking into rehab at the veterans center next week. Got a room. I haven't been honest with any of ya’ll, but I ain’t been sober.”

Tommy told you this when he mentioned wanting you and Tess’s support talking to Joel, but Joel had suspected. Joel was used to Tommy lying about sobriety. 

Nodding, Joel squeezes your hand. “Okay, I’m glad your getting help. Let me know all the info and I’ll take you, be there with Sarah and Ellie for all the visits, all that shit. You talked to Bill yet?”

He shakes his head. “Not yet. Kinda nervous, yuh know? Don’t wanna disappoint him.”

“You won’t” Joel assures. “Frank is who mentioned PTSD to me first, so I think they’ll just be glad you're getting help.”

But Tommy just groaned, burying his head in his hands. Joel’s hand disengages from you and goes to hug Tommy. Standing in the living room, Joel holds his baby brother close as he cries. “I love you, Tommy. I don’t care if you’re gay or whatever else you got go’n on, you're still my brother, and my best friend. I’m proud of you.”

Step three: Ellie

“Do we have everything?!?!?” Joel was running around the house, anxious. Everyone was here. Tommy, a few days before checking into rehab, Tess and Talia who were, in fact, engaged, Frank and Bill (Max was absolutely not invited to this one.)

“Baby, everything is perfect.” You assure Joel. Ellie was coming with next to nothing for personal items. She had a few things, but one item from her mom was a jackknife she obviously couldn’t have at 5 years old. She had a dinosaur stuffie, a picture of her and her mom, a dinosaur book… she had a thing for dinosaurs.

Joel picked Sarah up from day care a few months ago, only to find her sobbing. Her teacher was trying to get her to say what’s wrong, but she kept saying it was a secret, she couldn’t tell anyone. When Joel came, he was naturally very concerned, especially given that he knew Kayla had been letting strange men around her. When he convinced her that she doesn’t need to keep secrets from him, that he would take care of her no matter what, he was surprised to learn it wasn’t her secret. It was Ellies.

Ellie had showed Sarah the bruises on her from her foster parents. Calling Ellie over, the teacher checked, and yes, she had bruises on her pale skin. Joel sat with a crying Ellie and sniffling Sarah while the teacher made the call. The next few hours were long. Ellie’s foster dad came to pick her up before the police arrived, and from what you heard there was a little bit of a confrontation. Joel wasn’t violent of course, as much as he might have wanted to be there were children around. However, he did not let him get near Ellie. 

After giving his statements to the police, calling you and Tommy in to relay what you knew, the social worker approached him.

Ellie was up for adoption. Dad is completely out of the picture, never knew who he was. Mom is dead. No one had adopted her yet because of her behavioral issues and said she kept wanting Joel the whole process of interviews. Joel asked if he could be in the room with her with the polic officer, but they wouldn’t let him. She was, of course, being removed immediately from the foster family and being placed in a girls home, and the social worker broached the idea if Joel had ever considered being a foster parent.

He hadn’t, you knew. Sarah kept him busy. But you also knew that when she asked him, he knew what he wanted to do. He just had to ask Sarah.

“I just feel like I’m missing something!” He was very stressed. You took him by the shoulders, steadying him.

“Joel, sweetie. Listen. You got everything a 5 year old could need. A bed.” Bill built a bed for her to sleep in in Sarah’s room. “You got clothes.” Tess and Talia went on a shopping spree, keeping in mind how Ellie’s tastes differed from Sarah, but also getting dresses and girlie shit incase she wanted that too. “Lots of books and toys.” Tommy had gotten her toys, while Frankie went for books and more enriching games and activities. “And lots of fun times planned to make her feel at home and loved.” Your funds were a little low. You’d managed to find a daycare job to get by until you could start teaching in a neighboring district next fall, but that was minimum wage. Still, you wanted to welcome her home. You’d made the cake and snacks for the small welcoming party, but you’d also managed to get tickets to the planetarium for the four of you.

Normally a gathering like this wasn’t recommended for a foster situation, but Ellie was different. Ellie knew they were planning to adopt her, Ellie knew Joel and Sarah and Tommy. Sarah and Ellie were ecstatic to be sisters. Joel and Sarah had been able to visit the girls home occasionally under supervision as the foster paperwork was processing since they’d expressed desire to adopt, and Ellie had continued to attend kindergarten where Joel made sure to always come a little early to spend time with her and talk to her teacher about her needs and progress the same he did with Sarah. 

The reason he couldn’t say yes that day was because of Sarah. Between the turmoil with Kayla, you bein gone and coming back, Tommy moving out, he didn’t want to make this choice without her permission. Sarah said yes to fostering and adopting right away. The situation was a bit complicated but the plan was: Joel fosters Ellie, Joel adopts Ellie, Joel marries you, you adopt Ellie. Kayla hadn’t been heard of in months, and hadn’t seen Ellie for months before that. You would, of course, help Sarah and Kayla foster a relationship if Kayla showed promise of change, but they weren’t counting on it. If Kayla relinquished parental rights, you would adopt her too. Your little family.

A knock on the door. Ellie was here.

Im back from vegas!!!!

I had so much fun ;-; manages to not spent too much money either by just chilling at the hotel pool for several hours. I was just facedown on the innertube a chunk of time, occasionally paddling so they didnt think i was dead XD

I know Im late on my own pride event. embaressing. Clown behavior. If ya'll have submissions you wanna make you can keep making them until i post the masterlist haha

I need the epiloge and i kinda wannt write t4t transman santi and transfem reader. Thats for you, Fen!

ANYWAY

How to keep up with the series:

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[whatamessofthoughtswithjess]

Just some random thoughts I’d like to mention:

ADHD chaotic word vomit commencing in:

3……2…….1……. 💥

1. Fandoms can be extremely toxic. Like SCARY TOXIC! 🥴

2. PR Tours aren’t geared towards the established fans. PR tours are to engage new viewers. PR tours are created to sell the story being told. If you’ve got a romance show that’s trying to sell a story of “friends to lover’s” the PR tour will lean into the natural chemistry between the leads, they’ll create an atmosphere to enhance the chemistry, and they’ll use whatever techniques necessary in order to sell the story.. to bring in new audiences.

3. We all fell for the #Polin PR tour. Nicola and Luke have unsettling chemistry & Shondaland knew this as well. They also knew how much they could play off of their chemistry and bring in a large viewership. 2.3 billion minutes watched the first week alone? The PR tour paid off really well for them. I can’t even be mad at them at this point. You can’t say it wasn’t smart financially.. even if it was quite shitty to play with the hearts of Polin fans.

4. Luke and Antonia didn’t deserve the hate that was and continues to be thrown at them. They’ve been linked together for over a year now. He never hid her existence. The fandom chose to ignore her existence. That’s on the fans.. not Luke.

5. This one is going to piss a lot of folks off. Sorry not sorry. Luke Newton doesn’t owe the fandom anything. The “he has yet to claim her” comments are ridiculous. This man has been seen with her on multiple occasions, he has travelled with her, he’s been papped multiple times with her, he brought her to both Bridgerton premieres. That is claiming her. He doesn’t have to post her on his professional instagram just to appease his fans. He owes you nothing regarding his private life. Stop with the entitlement. It’s icky.

6. It’s never okay to bully anyone. Ever. The bullying against Antonia and now Jake Dunn is GROSS! It’s even more gross watching grown ass women bully a 23 year old young lady. It’s giving “I’m jealous” vibes. Do I like the way Antonia has acted towards the fans? No. She’s been a petty Betty at times.. however.. I can’t say I wouldn’t have been myself. That young woman has watched thousands of people publicly ship her man with his costar. She’s been bullied non stop & ridiculed for her body, her looks, her work, everything. I’d be acting a bit petty too if I were in her shoes. Grace is free & showing grace isn’t hard. She is human like the rest of us.

7. Now let’s talk about Nicola Coughlan and Jake Dunn. The absolute bullshit hate comments being left on Jake’s instagram are absolutely ridiculous. This man has done NOTHING WRONG except for crush any insane delulu you have in your mind. If you have something negative to say about this man? Do it in your private spaces & don’t take it to this man’s social media. Do you truly think Nicola will have any sort of respect for you by saying such hateful and nasty things to someone she clearly cares deeply for? Newsflash! She won’t. She’ll probably dislike you greatly for such vile behavior. Grow up. It’s legit that simple.

8. Like with Luke, Nicola owes you nothing regarding her personal life. Who she dates, spends her time with, chooses to love is no one’s concern but her own. She deserves to be able to live her life with who she wants and how she wants without fans acting the fool.

9. We don’t speculate on people’s sexuality. That’s gross behavior. That’s extremely disrespectful and invasive. Touch grass. Oh and did you know that you can tell your friends you love them without being gay? Shocking, right? Who knew? 😉

10. Stop. Full Stop. With stating your personal delulu opinions as facts. The biggest reason why this fandom is so toxic and drunk on delulu is because so many larger creators have planted false information in their minds as facts.. now they can’t see past the delulu & anything that goes against what they’ve convinced themselves of in their minds is false.. regardless of the receipts that are dangling in their faces. Please stop. It’s time to come back to reality.

11. Bullying one another for different opinions is TOXIC AF! There is no reason for people to be bullied off their own platforms because you don’t agree with their views. Take that toxic behavior right on out of here.

12. Colin Bridgerton is the BEST of the Bridgerton men.. apart from Edmund Bridgerton of course. You can’t convince me otherwise.

13. The best Bridgerton characters are as follows in this specific order:

Penelope Bridgerton

Lady Agatha Danbury

Queen Charlotte

I can’t be convinced otherwise. I stand by these choices.

14. Daniel Radcliffe will always be Harry Potter. I don’t care who they cast to play him in the new HBO Max series. Daniel is Harry. Point. Blank. Period.

15. Draco Malfoy deserved better.

16. Cats are the superior pet.

17. Shrimp is GROSS. You can’t change my mind.

18. I could have fixed Anakin Skywalker. 😅

19. Heck I could have fixed Kylo Ren too.

20. Pumpkin spice is trash. Apple cider is where it’s at. Fight me. 🍏🍎

Chaotic enough for you? I know it was for me. I’ve been wanting to get some of those thoughts out of my head. What better way to do that than here? Welcome to the asylum y’all. Enjoy the chaos! ✌🏻

[huggybug]

last night - mason mctavish

word count: 1.4k words

note: inspired by last night by morgan wallen.

“Baby, come back. I don't know everything we said last night but I know I want you back here with me, don't leave like this” You sigh as you listen to the voicemail Mason left this morning when he woke up.

You got up from Jamie's couch, stretching before making your way to the kitchen to make some coffee. You stand, watching Trevor's stupidly expensive espresso machine brew your coffee as memories from last night come back in pieces.

“You're fucking insane if you really believe that” Mason yells. He had just gotten home from the bar, the team had gone out to celebrate their win and yet again, Mason was hanging around some girl.

“No Mason, you don't get to make me feel bad for this one. It's happened multiple times now. You go out and find some girl and then I have to hear about it through snapchats or because your teammates are calling me to come get you because you're too drunk to leave on your own!”

“Well if I'm such a bad fucking boyfriend why are you still here, huh?” He asks, getting close to you, trying to make you back down.

“That's a great question Mase, I really don't know"”You spin around, leaving the kitchen and heading for your keys. “Yeah go run away from your shitty boyfriend” He calls after you, following you to the hallway.

“You're ridiculous Mason, I gave up so much for you and this is how you treat me?” He scoffs and you're immediately bracing yourself for whatever is about to come out of his mouth.

“And you think I don't make sacrifices for you?” He yells back, keeping the air thick around you.

“What have you sacrificed Mason? Please, tell me”

“My entire rookie experience for starters”

“Are you seriously going to complain right now that you're missing out on hooking up with girls after you begged me to move here? Are you kidding me Mason?” You were so close to turning around and leaving, getting the hell out of here as fast as you could.

“Well...”

“You're unbelievable Mason, un-fucking-believable” You grab your phone and keys in a huff, throwing the apartment door open.

“Y/n-” He sounds different now, softer maybe but you turn around, seeing red.

“I do everything for you! You asked me to move here, I did. You want me to come to your games, I do. Does it not occur to you that I have other things going on too? I guess not because I'm just your girlfriend, just here for looks, right?” You've heard the way some hockey players talk about their girlfriends; how they talk about them like they're objects or something they own, rather than someone they love. You'd never heard those types of things from Mason but at this point, you wouldn't put it past him.

“Stop doing that” Mason grumbled and you crossed your arms, staring at him.

“Doing what?” You were exhausted, you just wanted to retreat from this argument, to apologize and go back into the apartment and let him take you to bed but your dignity refused.

“Putting fucking words in my mouth!”

“You're just like the rest of them. You think you can get away with anything because all these girls are after you but guess what Mase? No self respecting woman is going to put up with this shit and if they do, they're not after you, they're after your status” Everyone thinks dating a professional athlete is amazing until they're actually doing it, then they can see it for what it really is, a reality you've recently discovered.

“You're always so worried about other girls, holy shit” Mason groaned.

“Well stop giving me a reason to” That's all you need to walk out. You leave, walking down the stairs and straight out the building, not stopping until you're a couple blocks away where you finally break down and call Jamie.

“You okay?” Jamie's voice cuts through the silence of the kitchen, making you jump. “You've been staring down at your coffee for a couple minutes”

“Sorry... I just-”

“You're good” Jamie smiled and you're suddenly overwhelmed by his kindness. This wasn't the first time you've had to call him to come pick you up after a fight with Mason. You knew it probably wasn't the best option since it's putting him in a tough spot but he's really your only good friend here and he's assured you many time's he doesn't mind. Actually his exact words usually were 'I can handle some awkwardness with MacT if it means you're safe'. Long story short, Jamie's an amazing friend.

“I should probably get going anyways” You say quietly, taking a sip of your coffee and cringing at the bitterness.

“Back to Mason's?” He asks and you feel a little embarrassed when you nod. “You don't have to, you know? You can stay here for a bit, we really don't mind.” While Jamie was cool, you're not so sure about Trevor. You know better than to think he'd kick you out but he definitely felt a little weird about you staying here during one of your and Mason's fights.

“Thanks but I should. He called a couple hours ago so I should head back and try and talk to him”

“Okay, I’ll give you a ride back”

…

You let yourself back into Mason’s apartment. If you didn’t know any better, you’d think he’s still asleep with how quiet it is. You drop your keys in the dish on the hallway table before walking into the kitchen where he’s sitting with his head down on the counter.

“Mase?” His head snaps up and you feel a wave of emotion wash over you. He looks like a wreck.

“Hey” His voice is so soft, it’s like a completely different person compared to the one yelling at you last night. “I’m sorry, okay? Last night was just way out of hand”

“I can’t keep doing this Mason” You sighed.

“I was drunk. I said shit I didn’t mean and I’m sorry but I woke up and I knew I still wanted this, wanted us” He sounded so sincere, your heart was battling trying to stay mad at him. “I want to fix this… I need to”

“One more chance” You said reluctantly. Mason was relieved, he knew this wasn’t over yet.

…

You knew it was over when they were on the road in Toronto. Mason went out with some friends from back home and once again, you saw it all on snapchat. He was dancing with a girl hanging off of him and you decided that you’ve finally had enough. You spent the next 24 hours packing up everything you had, determined to be moved out before they even made it back to Anaheim.

You must’ve gotten the times mixed up because Mason walked in as you were collecting the last of your stuff in the bedroom.

“What are you doing?”

“I said you had one more chance Mason”

“I didn’t do shit!” He objected and you rolled your eyes.

“Whatever, I’m leaving” You didn’t have any fight left in you. Your stuff was all packed up into two suitcases and you were more than ready to go home.

“Yeah okay, see you when Jamie and Z kick you out” He scoffed.

“I called my mom, I’m going home” You informed him. You’re not sure why, it’s not like he deserves to know but it feels more vindicating to let him know you’re leaving California entirely.

“You’re just going to leave? What about working through it? Does this relationship not mean anything to you?” He yelled as you pulled your bags out of the bedroom and towards the door.

“It meant a hell of a lot more when you weren’t flirting with random girls every time you go out” You yell back, hating that it’s come to this. That the guy you loved has lead you to a place of hatred. “You ruined this Mason, not me. I gave you so many chances to try and fix it but you don’t care, I don’t think you ever did”

“You can’t say that!”

“Yeah well I did. Have a nice life McTavish” You push your bags out into the hall and slam the door behind you, making your way to the elevator and not daring to look back.