#he for sure was recording the whole thing for Elle to watch later

[spacedace]

@proshipper-on-ship​ thank you for the Dick & Dan idea you added to my other post, please enjoy some of the fall out your comment resulted in haha

“So,” Bruce tried, looking hesitantly pleased at the surprisingly light atmosphere around the table. “Anything new and exciting going on with anyone?”

There was a smattering of answers from around the table. Jason didn’t offer anything - which wasn’t surprising, that he was even there and largely not starting a fight was more than enough as far as Dick was concerned - but with some ribbing from Steph, Tim eventually admitted to finally asking that boy he’d been interested in out. Dick joined in on teasing his little brother - and even Jay gave, for him, some gentle ribbing over finally getting the balls to do something, eh Timberland? - while very carefully avoiding mentioning his own sorta-kinda thing with Dan in Bludhaven. He’d deal with his siblings making him miserable and embarrassed over it all when he actually scored a date with him thanks very much.

Things were going good.

And then Damian cleared his throat, looking imperious and uninterested at the same time as he waited for everyone to turn to look at him.

“I have an announcement on an alteration to my personal life.” He declared, chin up and looking like he was already over this whole family-bonding-time thing, which was fair. Damian had gotten better over the years, but he was still not exactly the cute and cuddly little brother. Dick still had the scar from the last time he tried to hug Dami without warning a year ago and got stabbed for the effort. Still, he was sharing, willingly even! That’s progress!

At the head of the table Bruce tilted his head, looking as cautiously hopeful as Dick felt over the youngest Wayne actually offering to share something personal. “Have you decided on what college you want to go to then?”

“No.” Dami dismissed easily, without more than a glance in Bruce’s direction. “Night and I have decided to take some time to travel before continuing any further schooling.”

Huh, honestly, Dick was kinda surprised. With how much of a perfectionist Dami was, he’d thought he’d throw himself into college with the same ferocious, competitive drive he did everything else. But then again, if Elle Nightingale was going to be taking a gap year or two, it wasn’t as if it was that much of a surprise that Dami would go and join her.

The two gremlins had been practically inseparable since they were twelve and discovered a shared love of stabbing people and adopting every animal they see. If Dami’s best friend was going to go gallivanting across the world like she always dreamed of doing, Dick couldn’t actually be that  surprised that Dami would be going with her.

Dick took a sip of his drink as Dami opened his mouth to continue with what was probably going to be to most people the world’s most harrowing game of “how many incredibly dangerous animals can we see before we end up dead on our gap year” that the two demons were undoubtedly planning.

He regretted taking that sip almost immediately as Damian said, “Night and I took our marital vows yesterday. She sends her regrets that she was unable to join us for family dinner tonight.”

Predictably, the room broke out into utter chaos.

Dick choked on his drink, spraying across the table and splattering Babs with a shower of wine. She didn’t even seem to notice, dropping her own glass as she snapped her head over to stare at Damian, the sound of breaking glass and a deep red stain pooling across the table following as she did. At the end of the table, Jay made a noise like a dying goose as the samosa he’d just popped in his mouth threatened to kill him. Cass, perhaps the most outwardly calm at the proclamation, only stared with wide eyes at her younger brother as she hit Jason on the back in an attempt to make sure he didn’t die.

Dick could practically hear the old shrieking AOL dial up noise that was Tim’s brain attempting to process what his little brother had just said, while sitting next to him Steph gave a small shriek of you what? Duke’s head was on a swivel, eyes darting from Damian, to another family member, to Damian and back again as if unsure who to even look at in the moment.

Bruce just…stared, frozen in place, face caught in the most open look of shock Dick thinks the man has ever shown in his life.

---

Damian sniffed and cast a caustic look towards - of all people - Jason, “Unlike some people, I share my good news with the family in a timely manner.”

Jay sputtered, “You know what, fuck you! Fine, you want me to share the news?” Jay snapped his head towards the rest of them. “Jazz is pregnant, baby is due next month on the sixth. Baby shower’s next weekend at Robinson Park, show up or don’t, I really don’t give a fuck.”

Or maybe he was just going to try to kill them with a heart attack.

“What the fuck?!”

“Language!”

“Who the fuck is Jazz?!”

“Language!”

“Night’s elder sister and guardian, Drake, keep up. You should know this, you’re dating her brother.”

“I’m what?”

“And Grayson is having flirtations with her other brother.”

“Dan is Elle’s older brother? Wait - how do you know about that?”

“Todd and I are in the Nightingale family group chat. We have endured far too much waxing poet about your posterior over the past months.”

“Why do they all have variations of the same name? Who gives all their children the same name?”

“He likes my ass?”

“Oh my god, bigger picture Dick, focus.”

“Seriously, do they all have the same name outside of the older sister? I feel like we need to acknowledge they all have the same name.”

“Can we go back to the fact that Damian got married? To Elle? Yesterday? How did you even do that without anyone knowing?

“Dr. Nightingale is a notary.”

“...Dr. Nightingale as in the woman Bruce is investigating Dr. Nightingale?”

“Okay but the name thing? Please tell me you’re not naming the baby some variation of the name Daniel.”

“If the gremlins get their way it will be. Do you know how many lists we’ve made that they keep sabotaging?”

“So you have Dan’s number? Could you give it to me?”

“Jesus Christ, Dick I’m begging you.”

“Why did you guys even get married?”

“For the diplomatic immunity.”

“You don’t have diplomatic immunity.”

“I do now.”

“What does that mean?”

[theimmaterialplace]

holding on | emily prentiss x reader & spencer reid x reader | ch. 3: just the way you are

Chapter Summary: Spencer’s day after.

Contains: mentions of death.

Word Count: 2k

Comments: haha, uni is kicking my ass! sorry for the three weeks it took to post this, this chapter would just not write itself :( also i literally have future chapters finished but i need to get the in between chapters done before that so sorry! a lot may not have happened but spencer is seeing something here. he hasn't been able to come to a conclusion quite yet but he will soon... but will it be before the reader spills? also yeah, this story is filled with headcanons because i can't help myself! :D

i love jj but she gives off overbearing vibes and rn spencer needs some space from everyone that reminds him of emily/will only want to talk about his feelings. little does he know for that first part...

the next chapter is the funeral and after party!!! hope you enjoyed the chapter! lemme know what you think!

masterlist | read on ao3

I would not leave you in times of trouble

We never could have come this far, mmm

I took the good times, I'll take the bad times

I'll take you just the way you are

- Billy Joel, Just The Way You Are

When Spencer enters the room, it reveals relieved coworkers. JJ is the first one to approach him, eyes red and worry evident on her face. She pulls him into a hug as soon as she reaches him.

“Spencer, we were so worried when you left last night,” her whisper might as well be a scolding in his ears but he’ll take it because he never meant to worry his team, not like this. She pulls away and cradles his face gently in her hands.

“I’m sorry… I didn’t realize how bad it would seem to everyone. I… I didn’t want to make anyone worry after everything else.” He closes his eyes, not wanting to see the emotions that will only bring him to his knees.

Derek speaks up then and it’s like he knows. “Well, I’m glad you’re here, kid.” Looking at him, Spencer can tell he hasn’t slept and has cried the whole night through. If he had stayed with them, he likely would look the same. As it is, he barely got a few hours asleep, as haunted as his dreams were.

“Me too.”

His team is in shambles. It’s not just that Emily has gone away and left them, left him, like Gideon or Elle. No, she’s never coming back because she is dead, just like every other cadaver they’ve encountered in their line of work. Statistically speaking, death in their line of work was highly likely and it’s a miracle he’s managed to avoid it for so long.

Perhaps it’s because Emily has always been impressive but he’d never thought she’d be the one to die. If anything, he’d bet himself before anyone else on his team.

His team is talking to one another and Spencer can’t hear anything they’re saying. All their words are blurring into unintelligible words and the only thing he can see are their faces.

Rossi is a slab of stone being chipped at little by little into something unrecognizable. Hotch’s eyes are red and his face is pale and an ever looming cloud of guilt surrounds him. He wonders why; it wasn’t his fault she died. Morgan is much the same but there is an anger in him that he hasn’t seen before.

Morgan’s anger simmers underneath his skin; he’s frustrated that he wasn’t fast enough to save her or to catch Doyle. His sadness has become eclipsed for now but he knows it’s there, buried under the guilt and rage he feels. Perhaps it’s because Garcia takes on the brunt of it, the grief is written all over her face. She’s always worn her emotions on her sleeve and this hasn’t changed. He chooses not to look at her because if he does, he’s not sure he’ll be able to keep it together. Someone so vulnerable makes him want to do the same and he feels vulnerable enough as it is.

JJ is like Hotch, guilt and grief clouds her. She keeps sweeping her hair back and chewing on her cheek, a habit when she doesn’t want to focus on what’s plaguing her.

Their tells are obvious to him and he’s memorized all of them, every little action they’ve done is cataloged in his brain and this is no different. He had already known what they’d be like and what they’d do when he saw them.

He hears Ambassador Prentiss’ voice stutter when she asks why Hotch has called and he wonders if she already knows and wants to hear it before she comes down so she can grieve on her own time. He stays quiet and that’s as good as confirmation for her because her breath hitches and she says she’ll be down in an hour.

Emily never spoke much of her mother but she takes- took after her greatly. They share the same face and hair color. It’s like her mother had asexually produced because he sees no difference between the two; there was no bit of her father in Emily. The only difference between the two are the crow’s feet and smile lines on her mother’s face and he realizes that Emily will grow to her mother’s age because she died too young.

Hotch delivers the news, as expected of his status of Unit Chief, and Ambassador Prentiss is stoic and nods at the news of her only child’s death. She asks for details and Hotch is only able to give her the bare minimum and she only nods and thanks him and the rest of them. She goes up to Morgan and takes his hands into her own and whispers something only for his ears. He stiffens but nods and she goes away with the request that they inform her of their decision of when the funeral is and that she’ll pay for everything.

It’s a bit cold the way she all but announces how she doesn’t want to be included in the planning of her daughter’s funeral but Emily always had described her as cold and distant, loving only in private and when convenient.

The planning process takes up the rest of the afternoon and it passes him by quickly and he knows it’s mostly because he disassociated through most of it. JJ and Hotch shot him with worried glances all day and he just wants to go back to your apartment. He doesn’t want to go to his apartment just yet, not when he'll have to come face to face with the reminders of her in his own apartment.

The funeral is booked three days away and he shoots you a text and you respond a minute later with a simple thumbs up.

He tells the team he’ll be heading out and unsurprisingly JJ speaks up over this.

“Are you sure you want to go back home? I can give you a ride or you can come over. I don’t want you to be alone, Spencer.” Her voice is meant to be soothing in that maternal way she’s learned but it grates at his nerves. He doesn’t need to be babied. He knows she’s just worried about him but Emily’s death has left him exposed in a way that throws him off his rhythm.

“Thanks JJ, but a friend is picking me up. I’ll be staying with her tonight.” The team exchanges looks in a way that is meant to be subtle but Spencer has always had an eye for details so he doesn’t miss it but he doesn’t call it out.

“Oh well, okay, if you’re sure…?” He nods and she acquiesces but says she’ll walk him out. She waits with him outside while he waits for you. You pull up in your car with his favorite Billy Joel song on and he can’t help the tiny grin that spreads on his face.

You look tired but happy to see him and he knows that JJ probably wants to examine you but he really just wants to get out of here and cuts her off before she can say anything and says goodbye to her while getting into your car.

He can smell the aroma of Italian in the backseat and he knows you went to the little restaurant he frequents after a bad case because the food reminds him of when his mother used to order takeout because much like himself, she was a disaster in the kitchen. It made him happy that you remembered.

Billy Joel’s velvet voice is enough to fill the silence. He watches you as you drive, noticing how you tap your fingertips to the beat of the song on the steering wheel and how it’s obvious now that you’re distracting yourself from something. He hadn’t been able to see it before because he was too lost in his own grief but there was something off about your demeanor.

When you finally arrive back at your apartment, he finds it to be cleaner than it was in the morning and set for maximum comfort. Your couch is covered with soft, thick blankets with animals on them, cobijas, you had called them. He’s fairly certain that just means blanket in Spanish. The table that is usually in the middle of your living room is pushed closer to the couch and it’s where you set the food at so he assumes it’s where the two of you will be eating.

Your record player is playing jazz music. A compromise, you had told him one evening, appealing to his classical music needs with it’s long instrumentals and your love of their crooning and smooth voices.

“Hey, Spence, what do we feel like drinking tonight?” Your voice jolts him out of his observations and he looks towards you where you’re peering at the available drinks in your fridge, two ice-filled glasses set on the counter beside you.

“Arnold Palmer?” You hum and grab two pitchers from your fridge and set it out on the counter and he watches as you mix the two together so it’s not separated. You set the two pitchers back into the fridge and bring the two drinks to where he’s sitting, handing him one and placing the other on your coaster.

He watches as you take out the food from the bags and put his own container in front of him along with two pieces of garlic bread and his own fork and napkin.

Once you’re all done, you take a drink from your glass and open your container and take a bite of your usual order. He follows quickly after, knowing from experience how rapidly the food can get cold.

Time passes by and eventually the food gets finished and you’re both left alone with Billie Holiday’s voice filling the silence.

You’re nibbling on the last piece of garlic bread, your eyes focused idly on your bookshelf but more specifically on a collection of Emily Dickinson poems. He files away the fact that he’s seen this specific book somewhere and decides to ask at another time.

Once you finish, you lean your head against his shoulder and wrap your arms around his midsection. He shifts so that you’re in a more comfortable position that lets you rest against him while he’s able to hold onto you as well.

Spencer can’t help but think that you always know what he needs without him needing to say anything. It’s something he hasn’t had since Elle or more accurately, Emily. It’s not even been a month and already, he craves her affection. He misses the impromptu Russian talks and the book sharing and her calming presence. You remind him so much of her. It’s like you've taken on some of her mannerisms. Perhaps it’s projection but he’s noticed for months now how you’ve changed bit by bit into someone similar to Emily.

You must have seen his tell because you look up at him, hand finding his own and squeezing it gently before bringing it to your wrist.

It’s the little things you do that bring him back to reality, no matter how painful it is. He’s not sure where he’d be right now. Most likely with JJ and her family, all the while feeling like a burden. With you, he feels vulnerable in a way he doesn’t mind. He’s known you for years and not once, have you ever made him feel small. It’s always been easy with you and he hopes the same can be said for you about him.

“Stop thinking right now, Spencer. We can do that later, like tomorrow. You need a break right now. I know it’s hard for your big brain to shut down so just focus on my pulse and match your breathing to mine.” Your voice is slightly muffled by his sweater and he can only nod and follow your instructions.

“Thank you.” He says after a while.

“ Always, Spencer.” And like always, you understand.

The words are never said but he’s sure you know it and he knows you feel the same.

[legolasoftherings]

Market Day

Pairing: Kili x female reader

Word Count: 4044

A/N: Durins live!AU :))  This is dedicated to my favorite Kili fanatic @elles-writing cuz she’s lovely!! Happy reading, my loves <3 

Song rec: Angel by FINNEAS oh my goodness this song makes me soft and kili uses the nickname angel a bunch in this fic (sorry not sorry) 

It was late midmorning, and the cold winter sun had been in the sky for a few hours now. The whole of Erebor was awake and busily bustling, all except for you and Kili. 

Your eyes opened to him, wrapped in a blanket and smiling at you. His deep brown eyes watched your face as you came to, memorizing every detail of your slowly blinking eyes and yawning lips. 

“Morning, angel,” he said, reaching for your hand and massaging it lightly with his fingers. 

“Ki, what time is it?” you groaned, rubbing the sleep from your eyes and rolling into his open arms. 

“It’s almost midday,” he replied as he cuddled you to his softly curved frame. Tucking your head under his chin, your fingertips played with the small curls on his bare chest. His fingers ran smoothly through your hair, sending a slight shiver down your spine. 

“Kili! Why didn’t you wake me up? I have things to do!” you exclaimed, although still half asleep, leaning back to look him in the eyes. 

“I had to let you sleep, love,” he mumbled, smiling at your tired face, “You’re adorable when you’re sleepy, you know that?” 

You flushed and slipped back into his arms, “Shut up.” Even in your drowsy state, you still felt him smile at your bashfulness. Enjoying the feeling of the warmth radiating off of his body, you closed your eyes and began to drift off.

When you awoke a few minutes later, you found Kili fast asleep, still tangled around you. His dark eyelashes rested on his cheeks, and you admired his sleep-softened features for a moment with a content sigh. You began to press kisses to his arms and hands, gently waking the sleeping beauty.  

“Did I fall asleep, darling?” he murmured sleepily, burying his nose in your hair, “I didn’t mean to.” 

“Yes, love, but it’s quite alright,” you replied, as Kili began to drowsily kiss your cheeks. 

“I wanted to get you breakfast, amrâlimê. Aren’t you hungry, angel?” 

Your stomach growled loudly at that, and you grinned. With a laugh, you said, “There's no time like the present, Ki.”

“Hm, you’re right.” 

With that, he pressed a kiss to your forehead and pulled himself up to a sitting position, pulling you up with him. As he pulled half of his gently waved hair into a ponytail (your greatest weakness), you slid off the bed and over to the wardrobe. 

Tossing a tunic at Kili, you pulled another out for yourself. It was altogether too big for you, but you wrapped it around your torso and pulled on some soft pants. 

“Ready to go?” you asked, moving toward the bedroom door. 

“Not yet,” he replied, as he pulled you in for a deep kiss, “Now I am.”

“I love you.” 

“Love you more, my angel.” 

You opened the door and stepped out, holding his hand. The sun was streaming into the halls of Erebor, illuminating the incredible craftsmanship and carvings on the walls. You could smell the scent of fresh bread in the air, and you tugged on Kili’s hand, urging him to walk faster.  

On the way to the kitchen, you met Fili and his beautiful wife, Brilyn, who were running an errand for Thorin. 

“It’s nearly noon, brother! What were you two doing all this time?” Fili asked with a smirk, winking at the slightly angered Kili. 

“We were asleep, if you must know, and we’re going to get breakfast now. Happy?” Kili replied, crossing his arms. You squeezed his arm with a warning look as a way to pacify him, as you knew what could happen to Kili when he got too defensive. 

“Ah, I see. Thorin was looking for you, by the way.” “I guess we’ll have to be careful then, eh Fi?” 

“You’re going to avoid him?” Fili’s response came incredulously, his eyes widening. 

“It’s a challenge! Right, Y/N?”

You sighed, “If you say so, Ki.”

Brilyn grinned at your hesitant affirmation and said, “Well, good luck, Kili and Y/N. I hope you don’t get caught, for your sake.” At that, Fili wrapped his arm around his love’s waist and led her away. 

“How can we be so sure we won’t run into him?” you asked Kili, worry spreading across your face.

“Well, how does a day at the Dale market sound, angel?” Since Erebor had been reclaimed, Dale had also been rebuilt, more vibrant and alive than ever before. 

“Really, Kili? That would be lovely! I’ve been craving Ms. Agnes’ sticky buns.” 

“Anything for you, ghivashel.” 

“I’m still hungry though, Ki. Can we stop by the kitchen?” 

“Of course!” 

Soon, one muffin and a sausage later, you were almost ready to leave. Something’s not quite right, you thought, but what is it? You pondered that for a short while, and then, Aha! 

“Kili, I need to change!” you announced.

“Love, why? You look wonderful.”

“Thank you, but I’m basically in pajamas. If we’re representing the kingdom, we have to look somewhat presentable.” 

“Is that right? Well, I’ve got that covered,” he quipped with a cheeky grin.

“You’re hilarious, darling,” you deadpanned with a light slap on his shoulder, “Let’s go.” 

You practically dragged him back to your room, checking carefully around every corner for the king of Erebor. Once you finally reached your room, you breathed a sigh of relief and pulled off Kili’s tunic. Rifling through the clothes in the wardrobe, you pulled out your favorite tunic and skirt, and put them on. Kili was sitting on the bed, patiently watching and waiting, when all of a sudden, you heard a loud knock on the bedroom door.

“Kili?” Thorin boomed, knocking again. 

Your eyes widened, and you silently ran to Kili. He motioned for you to hide under the bed, and you ducked underneath, pulling him with you. You covered his mouth with your hand and held your breath. 

The door creaked open, and you saw Thorin’s heavy boots enter the room. Kili tensed slightly, exaggerating his muscles deliciously, but you shook the thoughts out of your head; there was no time to think about that at the moment. To your relief, after the boots had stopped for a few moments, the boots left the room, and you could breathe again. 

“That was close,” Kili whispered, not wanting to move just yet, “We’ll have to be careful.”

Once you were absolutely sure Thorin was gone, you slid out from under the bed. Kili followed you back over to the wardrobe. He pulled on a heavy coat, perfect for the wintry weather, but all you had was a sweater, more suited for early fall. 

“We’ll have to get you something warmer, angel. It’ll be winter soon!” 

“No, Kili. I’ll be fine, you’ll see.”

“Y/N, I’m not taking no for an answer. Borrow mine, and let’s go see what the market has to offer, okay love?”

“Are you sure? I’m sure I can manage, and won’t you be cold?”

“I’m positive, and I can handle the cold better than you can. Here,” he replied, removing his coat and wrapping it around you. It was too big, but quite comfortable, and as a bonus, it smelled like him, enveloping you like one of his bear hugs. 

“Thank you, my love,” you murmured, giving him a peck on the cheek. 

Kili opened the door of your quarters and peeked out, watching for his uncle. He looked back at you with a nod, whispering, “The coast is clear.” 

The two of you walked as nonchalantly as possible through the halls, and were happy to slip under the radar. You even nodded greetings at a few passing dwarfs to distract yourself from the possible fate that awaited you. 

As you approached the hall to the throne room, you grabbed Kili’s hand nervously. He smiled reassuringly at you and squeezed your hand gently. Taking a deep breath, he stuck his head around the corner of the hall, and whispered, “It’s empty, but keep an eye out.” 

You snuck carefully past the throne room, casting a watchful gaze around the hallway. To your surprise, the entire path to the great hall and front door was clear. With a nervous glance behind him and a slight gulp, Kili began to walk faster, pulling you along. 

“Come on, we have to make it through the doors. We’ll be safe then, Y/N.” 

“Ki, is there something you’re not telling me?” 

“Uh-”

“KILI!” Thorin roared, some distance behind you. 

“Oh no,” you groaned.

“Run!” Kili shouted, breaking into a sprint, you close behind. You crossed the great hall in record time and made it to the door.

“Kili, if you open that door, I’ll-” “Sorry, Uncle!” he interrupted, throwing open the large wooden door and pulling you outside, slamming it behind him. 

“Y/N, we are definitely not safe here.”

“I know, Ki. C’mon!” you called, taking off at a run. The crisp winter air filled your lungs, spurring you on faster. Hearing the door fly open, you looked back to see a disappointed Thorin, followed by Fili, who was trying to hold in a laugh. Kili shamelessly waved at them as he caught up to you and swept you up bridal-style, causing you to squeal in shock and delight.

“See you later!” Kili called at his brother, who was visibly shaking with his efforts to not laugh aloud. He kept running until they were barely visible, just tiny specks in your eyes. Your breath came out in clouds, and you smiled. Breathing out harder, you tried to make the biggest cloud possible and watched it float away in the clear, bright sunlight. 

“Fear me, for I am Smaug, the great slug! I will burn your village and take your gold!” you exclaimed gleefully, wriggling out of Kili’s hold. 

He laughed and pulled you back into a tight embrace, declaring, “I have caught the dragon, and she will pay for her crimes!” His fingers began to tickle your sides, making you scream with laughter. 

“KILI! Let me go!” you cried, trying to stop your giggles, but he held fast to your waist. 

“You’ll have to kiss me, angel,” he replied with a grin. You turned quickly and planted an aggressive kiss on his lips, and he released you from his arms. 

“Ki, I love you, but you can be so stupid sometimes,” you choked out, gasping for air. He jumped forward and grabbed your arm, steadying you.

“Sorry, love. Are you alright?” he asked, concern showing in his face. 

“I’ll be fine, no thanks to you.”  

“To be fair, the only reason why we’re here now is because I’m stupid enough to think we could do it.”  

“You’re right, Ki. But, Thorin will kill you once we get back.”

“What if we didn’t come back? What if we just left and traveled Middle-Earth together?” he replied, making a wide, sweeping motion at the distant mountains with his hands to add emphasis, “Y/N and Kili against the world. It would be fun!”

“Kili, that is a wonderful idea. Absolutely not!” you declared, taking one of his hands in yours and pulling him in the direction of Dale, “After all, you are still a prince.”

He laughed and followed your lead into the city. All of Dale was alive and bustling with the typical afternoon crowd around the two of you, and no one noticed the two of you weaving through the crowded market.

Your eyes quickly took inventory of all the products displayed on the large tables, searching for one table in particular. The smell of melted sugar filled your nose, and you followed the sweet scent to the back of the market to where you knew the hidden gems were.

“Ms. Agnes!” you called, pulling Kili over to the delicious smelling desserts. The grandmotherly woman behind the table looked up with a smile, instantly recognizing your voice. 

“Hello, my sweet girl,” she answered, reaching out to squeeze your hand fondly. She glanced behind you and gave you a knowing look, saying, “Good morning, Prince Kili.” 

“Morning, Ms. Agnes,” Kili replied, nodding his head as he eyed the pastries with a grin, “And please, just call me Kili.”

“Alright, then, Kili. What’ll it be, lovelies?” 

“Well, to appease Y/N, how about four sticky buns and six gingersnaps?” he laughed, wrapping an arm around your waist. 

“Kili! Are we going to be able to eat all of that?” 

“In case you forgot, angel, we are on the run from my uncle. We may need to survive for a long time in the wild, my love.”

“Very funny,” you countered as the baker raised an eyebrow questioningly, “Don’t worry, Ms. Agnes, we aren’t in too much trouble.”

“If you say so,” Ms. Agnes answered as she surveyed the small box of treats that she was curating, “Right now, you have four sticky buns and six gingersnaps. Will that be all, darlings?” 

You sighed in defeat as Kili looked at you expectantly, “Well, some pumpkin cake does sound good…”

“Yes!” he cheered, spinning you around and kissing you right on the mouth. Pumpkin cake was his absolute favorite dessert, and he bought it at every possible opportunity (to share with you, of course). 

“Kili, we are in public!” you exclaimed, still reeling from his sudden outburst. Ms. Agnes laughed at your flustered state, and put two slices of pumpkin cake, generously glazed with frosting, into the box. 

“Thank you so much, Ms. Agnes,” Kili said, taking the box and dropping a handful of coins into her hand.

“My pleasure, Kili. Have a wonderful day, you two.” 

“Goodbye!” you replied, waving as you walked away. All of a sudden, a gust of wind blew through the market, sending a wave of shivers through your body.

“Shall we see about that coat, Y/N?” Kili asked, capturing your cold hands in one of his. 

“That would be nice, love.” 

Kili began to walk through the market, scanning the tables full of goods. Nothing seemed quite to his satisfaction, as there was a constant perplexed scowl on his face. You tucked your hand in the crook of his arm and led him towards a promising display. Leather, wool, and metal were proudly presented, drawing your gaze back and forth across the table. 

A deep oxblood colored coat caught your eye, and your fingers ran over the smooth fabric. Its soft, warm material reminded you of Kili’s hugs, and you smiled softly. 

The man running the stand noticed your admiration and spoke up, “This was crafted just yesterday, my lady, and it’s perfect for the winter. Would you like to try it on?” 

“Oh, yes please, if it’s not too much trouble,” you replied, looking up reluctantly from the beautiful piece, not wanting to take your eyes off of it. 

“It’s no trouble at all. Here you are.” 

You removed Kili’s coat and handed it to him, turning back to the tailor. He held the cloak coat for you to slip your arms into, which you did. It fit like a glove, and complemented your figure wonderfully; you knew that you had to purchase it. 

Kili couldn’t take his eyes off of you, his mouth hanging open just a bit, “It looks wonderful on you, angel.”

“Thank you, Ki,” you replied with a smile, “I’ll buy it!”  

“Wonderful, my lady!” 

Kili began to take out his money pouch, but you stopped him with a light head shake, “I’ve got it, love.” 

“But-”

“It’s okay,” you whispered, squeezing his arm as you dropped a small pile of gold into the hand of the tailor.

“Should I wrap this up, or would you like to wear it now?” the tailor asked, holding the coat out to you. 

“I’ll wear it now, thanks!” you replied, taking it and pulling it on, sending Kili into another wave of adoration. You offered your arm to him, who took it and led you away. The two of you began to walk to the outskirts of the market, when you had an idea.

“We should get something for Fili. After all, he is stuck inside Erebor with your angry bear of an uncle,” you said, grinning at Kili, who laughed and pointed at one particular display. 

“Fi loves the cinnamon bread there, and so does Brilyn. How does that sound?”

“Sounds like a plan to me,” you answered, leading him over to the display. The two of you ordered a loaf of cinnamon bread for yourselves and one for Fili, and went on your way. 

By this time, the sun was close to setting due to short winter days, and you knew that eventually, you would have to face Thorin. 

“Kili, what happens when we go back?” you asked, brows furrowed, “What will we do about your uncle?” 

He thought for a moment, and an idea dawned on him, “I’ve got it! We get something for him, and say that was the intention the whole time!” 

“Sometimes, I don’t give your mind enough credit, Ki, because that is a wonderful idea. Do you have any notion about what to get him, though?” 

“Well, Y/N, I’ll let you in on a little secret,” Kili replied, the look on his face comparable to a child about to spoil a surprise party, “My uncle is a total sucker for romantic poetry.” 

“For some reason, I’m not surprised,” you said with a chuckle, “Did you see any romantic poetry here? I didn’t.”  

“Well, no, but I have a backup plan,” he answered, reaching into a pocket of his coat and brandishing a medium-sized book. 

“How did I not notice a book in there?” you exclaimed, flipping through the pages in the leather-bound volume critically, “This isn’t exactly light.”

“Well, neither is the coat. What do you think about it?”

“It’ll do as an excuse, but I have no idea what will happen if it doesn’t.”

“Maybe, he’ll just say that we’ve been working very hard, and that we deserved the day off.”

You scoffed at that, making him chuckle. His contagious laughter infected you, and you collapsed onto the ground with giggles. The two of you laughed until tears came out of your eyes, and you leaned against his chest. 

“We are totally dead.” you declared, still wiping tears from your eyes. 

“Yeah, probably,” he replied, squeezing you in a tight embrace, “Are you sure you don’t want to take me up on my offer?”

“To travel Middle-Earth together? Positive.”

“Well then, you’d better come up with a good plan to not get us killed,” he said, giving you a kiss on the forehead. 

“Don’t worry, love, I promise I’ll think of something.”

The cold winter sun began to sink behind the mountains as you sat together, casting a bright glow over Dale. As you sat, you shared the desserts between the two of you happily, the sweet cookies and pastries filling your stomachs until you could eat no more. The sun slipped away until the full moon and stars were the only light, but you were still holding onto each other. 

“Angel, we probably should be getting back,” Kili murmured as you leaned against his chest. 

“Not yet,” you replied, looking up at him with a mischievous smirk. 

“What is it?” 

“You’ll have to kiss me first, love.” 

He grinned back and pulled you around to face him, leaving a quick kiss on your lips and pulling back. You crossed your arms and raised an eyebrow at his twinkling eyes, making him laugh.

“I hope that wasn’t all, Kili, or we may have ourselves a slight problem.” 

“Oh? And what might that be?” 

“I’m not sure you want to know.”

“I don’t know, Y/N, maybe I do,” he answered casually, catching your waist in his hands and holding you still. 

“Kili…”

“Yes?” 

“Kiss me.”

“As you wish, angel,” he said as he pulled you closer to his chest. His hand reached up to brush a strand of hair away from your face, and he rested his forehead against yours. You wrapped your arms around his neck and met his lips softly as the moonlight illuminated his face. Moving his hands to cup your cheek and jaw, his deep eyes took you in, and he murmured, “Amrâlimê.” You kissed him again, the sweet taste of sugar still on your lips making him smile. 

“Y/N?”

“Hm?” 

“You’re as sweet as sugar,” he said, trying to hold in a laugh. 

You groaned and slapped him playfully on the chest, “You had to ruin the moment, love.”

The laugh he was hiding came out, and he touched his nose to yours affectionately.  

“Ki, you are so lucky that I love you.”

“Oh, am I?” he returned, raising a brow and biting back a chuckle. 

“Extremely,” you declared, proudly smirking at the absolutely whipped dwarf holding you. Taking his hand, you began to pull him in the direction of Erebor. 

“Wait!” he exclaimed, stopping in his tracks, “We forgot the bread!” 

Whipping around, you looked back in the darkness to where you were sitting and rushed back to the small packages of bread.

“Good thing I remembered, or there would have been nothing to redeem us,��� Kili commented. 

“Mhm. Shall we get going?” 

As you walked back to Erebor, the two of you sweet-talked and flirted---trying to ignore the nervous feeling in your stomach---until you reached the door. 

You took a deep breath to steady yourself and opened the heavy front door. 

“After you, love,” you said, bowing low with a grin.

“No, please, you first, angel.” 

“Kili, you have to face your uncle sometime or another.” 

“Will you go with me?” he asked, grabbing your hand nervously.

“Yes, of course. We just have to make it through this door.”

He stepped across the threshold and you followed. Practically running in the direction of your room, you had no time to keep an eye out for the king. 

At last, your bedroom door was in sight, but you heard,“Kili!” 

“Oh, Mahal!” Kili groaned, whipping around but breathing a sigh of relief, “Fili! It’s just you.”

“You two are in so much trouble,” Fili warned, approaching cautiously, “Thorin had half a mind to banish you!” 

You sighed in defeat, but Kili laughed, “But we brought you bread!” 

“What?”

“We brought you cinnamon bread, Fi,” Kili repeated, handing over the package, “For you and Brilyn.”

“Thanks, Ki!” he exclaimed, taking a deep inhale of the cinnamon-laced dessert, “By the way, this doesn’t replace all the things I had to do for you today. Somehow, I convinced Thorin to let you go without sending the entire army after you, so I expect payment.”

“Uh, right. Let’s talk about that later, okay? Goodnight,” Kili replied, quickly backing up, pulling you into your bedroom and shutting the door.

“Kili! You get back out here!” 

“Sorry Fi, Y/N’s tired! Have a wonderful evening, and I’ll see you in the morning,” he called through the door with a grin. Fili sighed and you heard his footsteps walk away and down the hall. 

Yawning, you pulled off your coat and carefully hung it up in the wardrobe. Peeling off the rest of your clothing, you quickly hopped into your sleeping clothes, shivering slightly. Kili did the same, and crawled into your warm bed. 

“C’mere love,” he called, holding out his arms expectantly. 

Climbing into bed, you snuggled into his embrace and pulled the blanket up to your chin.  

“We’ll just have to talk to Thorin tomorrow,” you murmured, already falling asleep.

“Mm,” Kili agreed, kissing you on the forehead with half-lidded eyes.  

“Thank you for taking me to the market, love.”

“My pleasure. Would you like to go again tomorrow?” 

You chuckled sleepily and said, “We might as well leave Erebor permanently if you want to do that.” 

“My offer still stands. We could leave tomorrow and be halfway to Mirkwood by midday.”

“You want to go back there?” 

“I have a few friends there that you may want to meet.” 

“Kili, tomorrow, we are going to face your uncle. No ifs, ands, or buts. Are we clear?”

“Crystal.”

“Wonderful. Goodnight, Ki,” you said, kissing his lips one final time. 

“‘Night,” he replied, running his hands through your hair, “I love you, angel.” 

Tags:

@guardianofrivendell @trxblemaker @kumqu4t @emilys-books @thegodsaregay @hufflepuffinblr @lindiir @rowandor​ @moony-artnstuff​ @artsywaterlily​

[crowdvscritic]

round up // MARCH + APRIL 21

March and April were a whirlwind of vaccines and awards shows! A full year after we starting staying at home, the end of this weird chapter in recent history seems like it might finally be coming to a close, and this pop culture awards season—typically a time full of fun and glamour—captured our moment weirdly well. (Emphasis on the weird.) This month’s recommendations is filled with more Critic Picks than usual, so without further delay, let’s dive right in...

March + April Crowd-Pleasers

Double Feature — 2018 Action Thrillers: Bad Times at the El Royale + Den of Thieves

In Bad Times at the El Royale (Crowd: 9/10, // Critic: 8/10), Jeff Bridges, Cynthia Erivo, Jon Hamm, Chris Hemsworth, and Dakota Johnson are staying at a motel on the California-Nevada state line full of money, murder, and mystery. In Den of Thieves (Crowd: 9/10 // Critic: 6.5/10), Gerard Butler takes on some of the best bank robbers in the world. Whether you like your action with a dose of mystery or the thrills of plot twists, these will fit the bill.

Double Feature — ‘80s Comedies: Caddyshack (1980) + Splash (1984)

In the mood for pure silliness? Take your pick between a mermaid and a gopher! Five years before The Little Mermaid, Tom Hanks fell for Daryl Hannah’s blonde hair and scaly tail, and John Candy was his goofy brother in Splash (Crowd: 8.5/10 // Critic: 7/10). And four years before Ghostbusters, Bill Murray was the goof on a golf course full of funny people like Chevy Chase, Rodney Dangerfield, and Ted Knight in Caddyshack (Crowd: 8.5/10 // Critic: 6.5/10).

Double Feature — 1980s Coming-of-Age Films Starring Corey Feldman, Kiefer Sutherland, and Challenging Brother Relationships That Influenced Stranger Things: Stand by Me (1986) + The Lost Boys (1987)

Believe it or not, I had no idea these two ‘80s classics had so much in common when I chose to watch them back-to-back. In Rob Reiner’s adaptation of Stephen King’s Stand by Me (Crowd: 9/10 // Critic: 9/10), four kids (Feldman, Jerry O’Connell, River Phoenix, and Wil Wheaton) are following train tracks to find a missing body. In The Lost Boys (Crowd: 8.5/10 // Critic: 7/10), Corey Haim and Jason Patric move to a small California town and discover it’s full of ‘80s movie star cameos and…vampires? One is a thoughtful coming-of-age story and one is just bonkers, but both are a great time.

Spaceman by Nick Jonas (2021)

My love for the Jonas Brothers is well-documented, so instead of going down the rabbit hole I started digging at 15, I’ll talk about how Nick Jonas’s latest solo album will likely appeal to a wider audience than just the fans of the brothers’ bombastic pop records. It’s full of catchy tunes you’ll play on repeat and an R&B-influenced album experience about the loneliness we’ve experienced in the last year and how we try to make long-term relationships work.

Ted Lasso (2020- )

I love stories about nice people crushing cruelty and cynicism with relentless kindness, and Ted Lasso (Jason Sudeikis) is the warmest, most dedicated leader this side of Leslie Knope. Be sure to catch up on these witty and sweet 10 episodes before season 2 drops later this summer.

Double Feature — Tony Scott Action Flicks: Enemy of the State (1998) + The Taking of Pelham 123 (2009)

Tony Scott’s movies have got explosions and excitement in spades. I love a good man-on-the-run movie, and in Enemy of the State (Crowd: 9/10 // Critic: 8/10), Will Smith is running through the streets of D.C. after getting evidence of a politician’s (Jon Voight) part in a murder. I also love a tense story set in a confined space, which is what Denzel Washington is dealing with in The Taking of Pelham 123 (Crowd: 9.5/10 // Critic: 7/10) after a hammy John Travolta takes a New York subway train hostage.

Double Feature — Baseball Movies: The Natural (1984) + Trouble With the Curve (2012)

Sue me—I love baseball movies. Robert Redford plays a fictional all-time great in the early days of the MLB in The Natural (Crowd: 8.5/10 // Critic: 9/10), and Clint Eastwood plays a fictional all-time great scout in his late career in Trouble With the Curve (Crowd: 8/10 // Critic: 7.5/10). If you love baseball or actors like Amy Adams, Glenn Close, Robert Duvall, and Justin Timberlake, these movies are just right here waiting for you.

Nate Bargatze: The Greatest Average American (2021)

Sue me—I enjoy Netflix standup comedy specials that are safe enough to watch with your whole family. That’s exactly the crowd I laughed with over Easter weekend, and while the trailer captures Bargatze’s relaxed vibe, it doesn’t capture how funny he really is.

The Mighty Ducks (1992)

I thought somewhere in my childhood I’d seen at least one of The Mighty Ducks movies, but after watching all three, I think my memories must’ve come from previews on the VHS tapes for other Disney movies I watched over and over again. The original still holds up as an grown-ups, which is why even my parents got sucked in to this family movie while just passing through the living room. Bonus for ‘80s movies lovers: Emilio Estevez is basically continuing Andrew Clark’s story from The Breakfast Club as an adult. Crowd: 8.5/10 // Critic: 6.5/10

Double Feature — New, Dumb Action on Streaming: Godzilla vs. Kong + Thunder Force (2021)

If you want something intelligent, go ahead and skip to the next recommendation, but if you’re looking for something stupid fun, these are ready for you on HBO Max and Netflix. Thunder Force (Crowd: 8.5/10 // Critic: 6/10) follows Melissa McCarthy and Octavia Spencer as they train to become superheroes who take on superhuman sociopaths wreaking havoc on Chicago, and alongside Jason Bateman, they do it with a lot of laughs. Godzilla vs. Kong (Crowd: 9.5/10 // Critic: 5/10) is, um, exactly what it sounds like, so I’ll skip a plot summary and just say it’s exactly what you want from this kind of movie. #TeamKong

3:10 to Yuma (2007)

All you need to know is Russell Crowe is an outlaw, and Christian Bale is the guy who’s got to get him on the train to prison. I also watched the 1957 version, which is also a solid watch if you love classic Westerns. Crowd: 9/10 // Critic: 8/10

Falcon and the Winter Soldier (2021)

Marvel’s newest series isn’t nearly as inventive as WandaVision, and it may not land every beat, but it’s worth a watch for the fun new gadgets, Sebastian Stan’s dry joke delivery, and its exploration into themes of what makes a hero and what governments owe their citizens. It’s a pretty satisfying entry in the MCU canon, but I’d also recommend re-watching Captain America: Winter Soldier and Civil War—the canon is getting expansive, and it’s getting trickier every year to keep up with all the backstory.

March + April Critic Picks

Best of 2020 Picks

As per usual, the months leading up to the Oscars becomes a binge period for potential Oscar nominees. In March and April, I watched many of the films that made my Top 20 of 2020, including Boys State, The Father, Judas and the Black Messiah, Let Them All Talk, Minari, Nomadland, On the Rocks, One Night in Miami…, Promising Young Woman, Soul, and Sound of Metal. You can read how I ranked them on my list for ZekeFilm, plus reviews of The Father, Minari, Promising Young Woman, and Soul.

Bonus: If you loved On the Rocks, don’t miss this feature and beautiful photography starring Sofia Coppola, Kirsten Dunst, Elle Fanning, and Rashida Jones for W Magazine. 

Stranger Than Fiction (2006)

What would you do if you started hearing a voice who narrated your every thought and move? If you’re Will Ferrell, you’ll seek out a literary professor (Dustin Hoffman), fall in love (with Maggie Gyllenhaal), and track down the voice (Emma Thompson) who’s making ominous predictions about your future. Stranger Than Fiction is funny thought-provoking, and an unusual but welcome role for Ferrell. Crowd: 9.5/10 // Critic: 9/10

All the Royal Family News

Speaking of stranger than fiction, it’s been a busy few months for the Royal Family. We’ve celebrated 95th birthday of Queen Elizabeth, the 3rd birthday of Prince Louis, and the 10th anniversary of Will and Kate’s marriage. We also lost Prince Philip, and we watched the drama of Harry and Meaghan’s interview with Oprah. No matter what happens to their Crown, I don’t think we’ll ever get over our fascination with the Windsor family. A few pieces worth reading from the last few months:

“In Meghan and Harry’s Interview, Two TV Worlds Collided,” Vulture.com

“The Queen’s Man: Philip, Duke of Edinburgh, Dies,” TIME.com

“Obituary: HRH The Prince Philip, Duke of Edinburgh,” BBC.com

Goodfellas (1990)

One of my film opinions that makes me feel like a phony is that Martin Scorsese just isn’t my cup of tea. He’s brilliant, but his films tend to be long and dark, two qualities that are never my first choice…and somehow Goodfellas still worked for me? Maybe it was the TV edit graciously toning down the violence or maybe it was that Ray Liotta and Joe Pesci were firing on all cylinders, but for some reason this ‘90s classic didn’t suck the joy out of my evening like Scorsese often does. (Bonus: For a Martin Scorsese/Robert De Niro I don’t really recommend, head to the last section of this Round Up.)

Fearless (Taylor’s Version) (2021)

Her voice has only matured, so Taylor Swift revisiting her old albums is like upgrading a blast to the past. Plus, the six new tracks make me feel like 15 crushing on that boy in Spanish class again, and her Grammys performance (just before her third Album of the Year win) was magical and folklore-tastic.

Double Feature — ‘60s Action Classics: The Guns of Navarone (1961) + Planet of the Apes (1968)

The Guns of Navarone (Crowd: 8/10 // Critic: 8.5/10) follows Gregory Peck and David Niven as they destroy Nazi weapons in the Mediterranean. Planet of the Apes (Crowd: 8/10 // Critic: 8.5/10) follows Charlton Heston as he attempts to escape from, well, a planet full of apes. The pacing of ‘60s films doesn’t always hold up, but that’s not the case with this pair. Both are still full of suspense, and you can’t go wrong hanging with casts like these.

Let Him Go (2020)

Kevin Costner and Diane Lane play a farming couple who unexpectedly help raise a boy who lost his biological father—sound familiar? But instead of a superhero origin story, they’re part of a thrilling Western with performances nuanced (Costner and Lane) and showy (Lesley Manville). If I’d watched this before completing my Best of 2020 piece, it likely would’ve been on my list. Crowd: 8/10 // Critic: 8.5/10

The Oscars

I’m a ride-or-die fan of the Academy Awards, but I’ll admit even I found this year’s ceremony odd. Instead of focusing on what wasn’t so hot, I’ll recommend a few moments you don’t want to miss:

Emerald Fennell giving a shout-out to Saved by the Bell

Daniel Kaluuya acknowledging his parents’ sex life during his acceptance speech (??)

Yuh-Jung Yoon flirting with Brad Pitt and acknowledging she’s just “luckier” than her fellow nominees

Glenn Close dancing to…”Da Butt”?

You can also read about the historic wins and nominations from this year’s Oscar class and why the Golden Globes were an even stranger production weeks earlier.

Trailer-palooza!

Movies are on their way back, y’all! I’m counting down the days until I can get back to a theatre, and even if some of these movies are duds, I’m planning to see all of them on a big screen if possible:

Those Who Wish Me Dead (May 14)

Cruella (May 28)

In the Heights (June 11)

Space Jam 2 (July 16)

Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings (September 3)

West Side Story (December 10)

Also in March + April…

To add to the Oscars love, you can listen to a conversation about what we learn about family, community, and society in some of the year’s biggest nominees on the Uncommon Voices podcast. I join regular hosts Michael and Kenneth in this episode, and I recommend all of their thoughtful discussions on their “What’s Streaming” episodes.

I’ve previously recommended the Do You Like Apples weekly newsletter, so I’m proud to share I contributed twice in March! I wrote about Love and Basketball, directed by Gina Prince-Bythewood, and one of my all-time favorite Julia Roberts rom-coms, Notting Hill. (I also tied to win their Oscars pool, but I suppose that’s less exciting for you than me.)

It was a busy couple of months on SO IT’S A SHOW! New logo, new email list, new Instagram, and a host of new episodes about a flop of a Madonna flick, a Swedish children’s TV show, an urban legend turned into a horror movie, one of the best films about journalism ever, and a Martin Scorsese movie about a real boxer.

Most of what I wrote for ZekeFilm in March and April was mentioned in Best of 2020 recommendations…except for The Nest, a film that couldn’t figure out what genre it wanted to be.

Photo credits: Nick Jonas, Royal Family. All others IMDb.com.

[ad1thi]

no place like home | AU-gust Day 7: Childhood Friends AU

AU-gust masterlist

“We were childhood friends but since you moved, we haven’t been in contact in years. And my family keeps bugging me about dating, so I lied and said I was in a relationship with you. But all of a sudden you come back to visit and I don’t know how to tell you, that everyone thinks we’re dating.” AU (x)

for @iam93percentstardust, this is compliant to s2.12 Profiler, Profiled. so please watch out for the content of this episode. 

//

Derek Morgan would like it to be noted, penned down in ink, carved into stone, that he loves his family. It's important that there's a record of a point of his life when he adored his sisters, because right now, all he feels is annoyance and rage, and is weirdly sympathising with the UnSub they're investigating, a man who kills younger sisters.

 "Desiree," he says for what feels like the tenth time, "I'm fine. I'm happy. I don't need to meet your friend Savannah. Matter of fact, I don't need to meet anyone, because I'm not on the market for anyone. Why can't you trust me when I'm telling you I'm happy?"

"Derek," Desiree's voice seems significantly more whiney over the phone, "You forget that I know you. That job of yours is killing you, and I just want you to be happy. Why are you against meeting her? I'm not asking you to knock her up, just meet her for dinner."

 Her voice takes a suspicious tone, "Are you seeing someone Derek Morgan? Is that why you're so against this?"

Derek opens his mouth to explain that no, he isn't seeing anyone, he's just content with his life as it is right now, but a commotion in the bullpen distracts him. He looks over to see Hotch opening the door to someone, must be the new recruits. He squints, trying to get a feel for the flesh blood, and what comes out is, "Spencer?"

In his ear, Desiree squeals, and he remembers with rapidly growing horror that his sister is still on the phone. "You're getting Spencer?" her voice gets progressively higher pitched, "I had no idea you guys reconnected! When did that happen?"

Derek means to explain, but he's so tired of trying to convince his sisters that he's better off single - which is how he ends up coming up with his half-cocked story about how he met Spence in D.C a couple months and they'd been seeing each other. He keeps the details purposely vague because his mind is wrapping itself around the fact that tiny Spencer Reid is in his office at Quantico.

 (and that he's no longer tiny anymore)

 "I always thought you guys would end up together," Desiree says speculatively, "but then Spence moved to Nevada. Did you know that Ma and Mrs Reid had bets about when you guys were going to get your heads out of your asses. Oh, she's going to be so happy that you guys reconnected."

"No!" Derek says loudly, causing Elle and Gideon and look up, "Desiree, listen to me very carefully - you cannot tell Ma." Lying to his sister was one thing, Derek was not about to lie to his Ma.

 "Why not?" Desiree asks plaintively, "she'll be so happy about this Derek you know it. Plus, she already knows Spencer, so it's not going to be a huge shock for her."

"I just," Derek fumbles for words, "I want to be the one to tell her okay? And I want to do it proper, bring him back to Chicago, the whole nine yards. This isn't something that I want to do over the phone. Can you respect that?"

"Okay," Desiree huffs, "but you owe me."

 The knot inside his stomach loosens. In the bullpen, Hotch is waving him over, "Desiree I have to go, I think there's been an update in our case. I'll talk to you later okay?"

"Okay, but I expect details!" she says, but he's already stepping outside Gideon's office and climbing down the stairs.

 "Hey," he says when he gets closer, tapping Gideon's shoulder, "Thanks for letting me use your office. My sister does not like to be ignored. I appreciate it man."

"Not a problem," Gideon gestures for Spencer to come over, and Derek notices the minute Spencer recognises him, "Derek Morgan this is -"

" - Spencer Reid," Derek finishes, unsure of whether he could open his arms for a hug or settle for a single handshake, "As I live and breathe."

 "Actually," Spencer ducks his head, "It's Doctor Spencer Reid now. I got my PhDs a couple years back. Derek Morgan? As in..?" he trails off, and its soothing that Spencer is just as unsure of how to approach this as he feels.

Gideon gestures between them, "Do you guys know each other?"

Derek decides to take the first step, and throws his hand around Spencer's shoulder, the way he used to when they were kids, "We grew up together. I've known Spencer since he was a kid in diapers."

 "I thought you were from Nevada," Elle pipes up from next to them, and Spencer answers, "We moved when I was 15. But I was from Chicago before that."

He looks up at Derek with warm fondness, "Derek was there when I graduated from highschool. He was there for most of it."

 "Hell, yeah I was. So, PhDs huh? Plural? Wanna tell me about that?" Derek asks, but before the conversation can go anywhere, Hotch interrupts them. "I hate to break this up, but we've got an update on the case."

 The shift in the group is remarkable, even amongst the newest members. Derek shifts everything out of his mind, including his conversation with Desiree.

 Looking back, that was probably where the trouble started.

 /

 Holding cells are not unfamiliar territory for Derek. He's been inside more than he can count, all over the country. They're all the same, four drab walls and a window or two shackled with bars, and a one-way mirror so that you can look at yourself. Ostensibly, it's so that interrogations can be witnessed by other officers, but Derek thinks they have a more important purpose - they force the perp to face themselves, to look themselves in the eyes with the knowledge of what they've done.

 He's seen hundreds of holding cells. He's just never been the person they're trying to keep in a holding cell.

 (Actually, that’s a lie, but Derek lies to forget that part of his life. There's nothing about that period of his life worth remembering)

 "Derek Morgan," the doors open to reveal Gordinski, and Derek fights the urge to introduce Gordinski's face to his fist. What was the man thinking, arresting him outside his Ma's place? How was he going to explain this to her?

 "Did you get any sleep?" he asks, carrying a beefy file with him. "Slept like a baby, myself. Didn't even want to get out of bed."

"Really?" Derek cocks an eyebrow, "So that wasn't your donut-eating ass on the other side of the glass all night?"

Gordinski ignores him, which is expected, because he's a shit cop, and barrels on with the witch-hunt that he's concocted in his head.

 "Whose grave is this?" he asks, shoving a photo in front of Derek's face.

"Have you been following me?"

Gordinski presses like he hasn't heard Derek, "Whose?"

"I don't know his name," it was the truth. Nobody had known the kid's name. But Derek had looked down at his still body and seen his own face staring back - and it never sat right with him.

"But you led the collection," Gordinski switches out the photo for more of him at the grave, "And you visit him a lot."

"Everytime I come home," Derek isn't ashamed of that, but he has no idea where Gordinski's going with this, "What, you got a crush on me all of a sudden?"

 Gordinski's face twitches, and mentally Derek tallies it. Derek:1, Gordinski: 0, he thinks to himself, but is careful to keep his face blank. There's no need to give Gordinski more ammo than he already has.

 There's a new photo in front of him, and Derek's brow furrows, "Okay that's me at the youth centre, tossing a ball around with a couple of kids."

"You did a little more than that," Gordinski's alluding to something, but for the life of him, Derek can't figure out what, "This is about you giving one of them a ride home, one of the boys."

 Terror creeps into Derek, surely? - "Yeah I did. This kid named, um, Damien. His place was on the way to my mother's."

Gordinski puts down a final photo in front of him, and when Derek sees what it is, he thinks that there should be some sort of law against Gordinski being this smug about a crime scene photo. "Damien Walters," he jabs at the photo, "D O A."

 Oh fuck.

 "Fuck," Derek says out-loud, "someone killed him."

"Not somebody Derek," and with sudden clarity, Derek understands what Gordinski's getting at. "You think I did this?"

Gordinski opens his mouth to reply, probably to read him his rights, but there's a knock on the door - and he excuses himself, radiating smugness.

 "Fuck," Derek says again, out into the empty cell, listening to it echo against the walls.

 /

 The door swings open again, and Derek stands up, fully expecting it to be Hotch. When Spencer steps in however, he loses all of his steam, sagging back down against the desk.

 "Spence," he says in a long huff, "What're you doing here? I thought they weren't letting anyone see me?"

"They weren't," Spencer confirms, "but Hotch and Gideon are busy, and I can be convincing. Occasionally. I think I might've talked so much that Gordinski let me in just so that I would stop talking, but it worked right?"

 "Yeah it did," he says with relief, and moves to hug Spencer before the metal around his wrists dig into his skin, "It's good to see you man. How's everything going on out there?"

Spencer's face turns solemn, "It's not great. You were right, Gordinski is convinced that you did this, and he won't listen to any of us when we say you didn't. I really missed out on some crazy years huh?"

"Yeah you did," he chuckles despite the situation he's in, and reaches out to grasp at Spencer's fingers, "Gordinski's had it in for me for ages. It's a good thing you left before that shitstorm hit me."

 "Yeah Desiree filled me in when I went to see your family earlier," Spencer's face turns sly, "Speaking of, when were you going to tell me that we were dating?"

Derek's eyes widen. Fuck, that conversation felt like it was an age away. "I'm not saying I'm against it," Spencer continues, "but I do like to be consulted about this stuff."

 "Oh you do Pretty boy?" Derek says, just to watch his cheeks heat, "I'm sorry man. It completely slipped my mind, what with the murder charge I'm facing and all."

"I know what you're doing," Spencer hums, "but I'm not letting you off that easy. Desiree thinks that we've been dating for close to a year. Says you talk about me all the time. Somehow, I feel like I would've noticed if I was sleeping with the Derek Morgan for a year, but it never came up."

Derek ignores the twitch in his pants at the thought of sleeping with Spencer, and instead says, "Your observational skills clearly need work pretty boy," he jangles the cuffs, "I'll help you out once I'm out of these."

 Spencer huffs, but lets the subject be, "Are you sure you don't know who's got it out for you Derek? I'm not saying that Gordinski is right, but you have to admit - it's a hell of a coincidence that bodies drop every single time you're in town. It's almost a statistical impossibility. The only logical explanation is that someone's setting you up."

 Carl Buford, Derek thinks instantly, almost unbidden. He dismisses the thought almost instantly though, even though it ruminates in his mind. "Rodney Harris, he's a local gangbanger in town. He's had it out for me ever since we were kids. It’s gotta be him Spence."

 "I think Hotch is running down some leads now," Spencer says with a nod, "I'll tell the team though. Get all of us on it. Are you sure there's nobody else Derek?"

Carl Buford, he thinks again, but he shakes his head. He's not ready for the team to know that about him yet. He's not ready for anybody to know that about him yet, least of all Spencer.

 He knows that Spencer has sense he's lying, but thankfully, he drops it.  He's almost at the door when Spencer turns back to him and says, "I didn't hate it. Being your boyfriend. Wished you'd actually asked me, but - I didn't hate it."

 He's out of the holding cell before Derek can formulate a response.

 /

 Despite his loud, emphatic protests otherwise, all roads lead back to Carl Buford. Derek is still smarting about the fact that Hotch dug into his past, when he specifically told him to leave it the fuck alone, but he takes small comfort in the fact that the rest of the team seems any the wiser.

 He can't escape his Ma and sisters though, and there's a lot of tears and hugs in the Morgan household that night.

 "I never knew," his Ma says desperately, cheeks wet, "you have to believe me Derek. I never knew what he was capable of. I wouldn't have pushed you to reconnect with him if I'd known."

"I know Ma," he soothes, and brings the her palm to his lips to press a dry kiss to the back of it, " 'Course I know that."

"Were there others?" Desiree asks bravely, even though Ma turns to her with a sharp look, "Did he have, others?"

 "I don't know," Derek says honestly. "I'm sure he did. Abusers," his voice cracks over the word abuser, but he pushes ahead, "generally have multiple victims. It's why I made it a point to keep up with kids like James, just in case he ever did something - I wanted them to think they had someone to tell."

 "Shit load of good it did, since Buford still fucked him up anyway. But at least now," he takes a steading breath, "At least now he's behind bars. James has still got time. Time to get over it, to make a new life for himself. I just hope it's enough." His Ma starts crying again then, collapsing in his arms, and Derek just holds up. He feels Desiree wraps her arms around his neck and lean against his back.

 He's loath to leave them the next day, but his leave is up, and JJ got wind of a new case that demands their attention. Still, it's not easy walking out of his Ma's house and onto the plane, especially not with everything that's ever come out.

 There are a few advantages of being back with the BAU though.

 "You didn't hate it huh?" he knocks at Spencer's shoulder, grinning when he blushes, "I believe those were your exact words?"

"I'm the one with the eidetic memory," Spencer replied wryly, "your shtick is muscles. Stop taking my stuff."

"Oh is that how it is?" Derek raises an eyebrow, "I'm not gonna let you skirt past this pretty boy, we're having this conversation. There's nowhere to run anymore."

 Spencer looks around the plane like he's looking for an exit anyway, and Derek softens, "Hey. If you don't want to talk about it, that's fine. But there's a reason I never came clean with Desiree." He moves to get out of his seat, give Spencer some space, but a hand on his bicep stops him.

 "Did you know," Spencer says, apropos of nothing, "that our mothers had a bet going about whether we were going to get together. She told me during one of her more lucid moments. Said the thing she regretted most about leaving Chicago was separating us."

 "I did," Derek says gamely, "Desiree told me about it when I first told her that we were dating."

"I had the biggest crush on you," Spencer says, admitting it like it's a secret, which - given how long it's been since they were kids in Chicago, Derek supposes it is, "Still do, if I'm being honest."

Derek's heart is pumping so loudly in his chest, he can hear his blood roaring. "As long we're being honest," he says with a lilt, but reaches down and intertwines their fingers.

 Spencer looks down at where their fingers are joined, and back up at him, and Derek knows that he gets it from the way his face splits into a wide smile. Before either of them can say anything though, Derek's phone buzzes, and he fishes it out of his pocket with this free hand.

 >> Hotch: I expect the paperwork on my desk by the end of the week. Congratulations.

 Spencer and Derek look up at Hotch simultaneously, but he's looking down at his book. There's a smile playing on his lips though, and despite himself, Derek smiles too.

 Fin

//

this ficlet exists as a spiritual sequel to this fic

[omgjasminesimone]

Juvenile Delinquents Epilogue

Logan x MC

Word Count: ~2400

For MC day of @rodappreciationweek, an MC focused epilogue to my story Juvenile Delinquents, where Logan and Ellie give their daughter up for adoption.

Ellie’s half hearted watching of a documentary is interrupted by her ringing phone. Ellie glances at the phone as it vibrates on her coffee table. She doesn’t recognize the number, but it’s an LA area code.

She hesitantly picks up. “Hello?”

“Ellie Wheeler?” The caller asks.

“...who is this?” Ellie counters. She doesn’t use that name anymore. Not since an ex at Langston who’d she’d confided in hacked her juvenile criminal record and publically released it after their messy break up.

“Oh, right. What did the investigator say... Elle Gordon was it now?” The caller continues.

Ellie frowns, turning off the tv. “Again, who is this?”

“Oh I’m sorry. I’m going about this all wrong. It’s Chet, Chet Johnson?” He says, as if she might have forgotten. As if choosing him and his husband to raise her and Logan’s daughter might have slipped her mind.

Ellie thinks about her daughter every day. Little things will stir up her memories, like seeing a yellow car (she’s pretty sure they conceived their daughter in Logan’s beloved car), or hearing a baby cry. Ellie tries not to dwell in the memories, because it’s just too painful.

“Chet. Wow. It’s been a while.” 5 years, to be exact. Ellie furrows her brow. “Is something wrong?” Maybe her daughter needs a kidney or something? She can’t imagine why else he’d be calling.

“No, no.” Chet is quick to reassure. “Nothing is wrong. It’s something good, actually. At least, I think it’s something good. Dahlia, we explained adoption to her, and she wants to meet her birth parents.”

Tears immediately well in Ellie’s eyes. “Dahlia, that’s pretty.” Ellie says softly. She and Logan never picked out a name, knowing they weren’t going to get to keep their baby.

“She’s amazing. She’s made us so happy. We’re so grateful to you. And to Logan. You gave us such a gift.” Chet gets a little choked up, clearing his throat at the end.

“I’d...I’d love to meet her. If that’s something you and Frank are comfortable with.”

“We’re very comfortable! We weren’t sure what your thoughts on this were going to be, we considered it might be too painful, that maybe you wanted a clean break. That’s why we didn’t reach out after the birth.”

“I think back then, it might have been too much, the loss still too fresh. But now, I think I can handle it. I’d really like to meet her.” Ellie reassures.

“That’s good to hear. Especially after all the effort that went into tracking you down! You and Logan are both difficult people to reach.” Chet replies.

Ellie swallows. “...you talked to Logan?”

“I did. He wants to meet Dahlia too. Frank and I were thinking we could all meet up at the park.”

Ellie doesn’t say anything to that, so Chet continues.

“...that’s not a problem, is it? Did something happen between you two?” He questions.

Ellie hasn’t spoken to Logan in almost 4 years. There was no big dramatic break up, their relationship just seemed to slowly fizzle out with them living on opposite sides of the country. She’d been busy with school, and he’d been busy with work, and they’d slowly run out of things to talk about over the phone. They never talked about their daughter, that topic too painful to broach just to have something meaningful to say to one another.

Ellie shakes herself out of her reverie. “No, that’s absolutely fine. Makes sense to do both the introductions at once.” She assures.

“Great! I’ll text you the details once we have all the logistics worked out.”

...

They schedule their meet up for a month later. Ellie flies home to LA from Dallas, where she’s working in her first post graduation position. The whole flight, she’s too anxious to eat anything. What if Dahlia doesn’t like her? What if they just sit there in awkward silence? Ellie doesn’t have a lot of experience with small children.

Despite her apprehension, Ellie is excited. She’s always wondered what Dahlia would be like, what she looks like now, if she’d be able to spot any of Logan’s mannerisms in their daughter.

If she’s being honest with herself, some of her apprehension might have to do with being reunited with her first love. Things just feel...unfinished between them. She almost wishes they’d had some big fight, just so she had some closure. But he just slowly...stopped calling. And she didn’t call him either. And then she just assumed they were done, and started dating someone else, all without ever speaking to Logan about it.

She doesn’t sleep much the night before the big reunion. Ellie is staying with her dad, who didn’t help her anxiety when he revealed he thought meeting Dahlia might be too much for her, so her stomach is in knots when she arrives at the park 30 minutes before the scheduled meeting time.

Ellie parks her dad’s car and makes her way over to an unoccupied bench. She takes deep breaths to try to calm herself down.

But then, Ellie feels like she stops breathing completely when spots a familiar yellow Devore pulling into the parking lot.

He steps out of the car. He’s just as beautiful as he was 5 years ago when she left him at that train station.

His hair is cut shorter, but it’s still long. He’s wearing the sparkplug necklace, like always. He spots her, freezing for a moment, before offering her a somewhat hesitant smile and making his way over.

She stands up as he approaches. They stand in front of each other awkwardly for a moment, before Ellie reaches out for a hug.

Logan squeezes her tight, resting his head on top of her’s and subtly breathing in her familiar coconut shampoo. “Eleanor Wheeler, it’s been a minute.” He greets.

It’s several long moments before Ellie pulls away, looking up at him. She doesn’t bother to correct him on her name change. “Logan, it’s good to see you.”

The former lovers sit down on the bench, engulfed in an uncomfortable silence reminiscent of their last few phone calls.

But this time, Logan actually broaches that subject he always avoided so as not to upset her. “Are you as nervous as I am about meeting Dahlia?”

Ellie smiles, nodding. “I feel like I have butterflies in my stomach.” She admits.

“Yeah, it’s kind of crazy. I’ve dreamed about this moment for so long, and now it’s actually happening.” Logan continues.

“Do you...think she’ll want to know why we didn’t keep her?” Ellie questions.

Logan leans back, looking thoughtful. “...no. She’s only five. I think by the time she’s old enough to wonder, she’ll already know the reason. We just weren’t in a position to give her what she deserves.”

Ellie nods. “We were too young. We did what was right for her. I know that. And yet, when I was at Langston, I still sometimes wondered if it was worth it.”

Logan furrows his brow. “What do you mean?”

“I wanted what was best for her, but I also wanted what was best for me. I’d put so much work into Langston, I thought it was the end all be all, and I knew I couldn’t do it with a baby. But then, when I got there, college wasn’t really the amazing experience I thought it was going to be. It didn’t seem.....worth not having her.” Ellie admits.

Logan sighs, running a hand through his hair. Ellie can’t help but quirk a small smile that he still has that familiar nervous tell. “Ellie....” he trails off, seemingly not knowing what to say to that.

“Well, how was it for you? Not having your daughter?” Ellie asks.

Logan lets out a humorless laugh, gazing down at the sidewalk. “I...I didn’t deserve to have her. I still don’t Ellie. I never left the gang, I never went back to school, or did any of the things I promised you I would if you let us keep the baby. I’m just a fuck up you were smart to get away from.”

“Don’t talk about yourself like that Logan.” Ellie pleads, wrapping her arms around him in a comforting loose hug. “You can still do all those things.” She assures him. “And I know you would have, if you’d had your daughter to motivate you.”

Logan returns her hug, burying his face into her hair. Ellie feels tears welling in her eyes. She didn’t realize how much she’d missed being in his arms.

She feels Logan expel a little breath, and then he murmurs. “They’re here.”

Ellie pulls herself away from his chest, looking to the parking lot where Chet and Frank are getting Dahlia out of her car seat.

The little girl takes both of her dads’ hands as they make their way over, all smiling merrily.

Ellie and Logan both rush to their feet, meeting the family halfway.

Chet smiles and hugs both of them, Frank following suit. Chet then crouches to Dahlia’s level. “Baby, these are your birth parents, Ellie and Logan.”

Dahlia grins up at them. “I grew in your belly!” She announces giddily to Ellie.

Ellie laughs, dropping to a crouch so they can be at eye level. “You did. You had quite the kick!”

Dahlia’s grin widens, and then she turns her attention to Logan. “I like your hair! It’s the same color as mine!” She compliments.

Logan crouches too, offering Dahlia a shy smile. “I think you got my eyes too, but that’s definitely Ellie’s nose.” He playfully bops their daughter’s nose, and Dahlia giggles.

Ellie sees some of Logan in Dahlia’s facial features, but their little girl definitely resembles Ellie more. It’s like looking in a time warped mirror.

The five of them take a seat at a picnic table and make small talk. Ellie can barely pay attention to anyone besides Dahlia though. Genetics are so crazy. Dahlia wrinkles her nose like Ellie does when she seemingly disagrees with something that was said. And her smile starts in the corner and then grows, just like Logan’s.

Eventually, Dahlia grasps Ellie’s hand and drags her over to the swings. “Will you push me Ellie?” The little girls asks sweetly, and Ellie is quick to do as requested.

“Logan! Logan look!” Dahlia calls as she pumps her little legs. Dahlia has warmed to them so quickly. She’s clearly a very friendly and happy little girl. Ellie feels a little silly for spending so many hours fretting over Dahlia not liking her.

Logan makes his way over, taking over pushing duty.

“Daddies, look! Look!” Dahlia calls out when with Logan’s assistance, she gets higher than ever before.

“Alright Logan, put a little less power behind those pushes please!” Frank calls a little worriedly.

“Oops, my bad!” Logan calls back, gripping the chains to stop Dahlia’s momentum.

Dahlia pouts as she looks up at him. “But I like going high Logan.” She whines.

“No can do kiddo, you heard your dad.” Logan returns, pushing much softer this time.

Ellie smiles as she watches the two of them. It kind of hurts though. It’s so easy to envision a world where they could be mommy and daddy instead of Ellie and Logan.

Hours fly by, and before they know it the sun is setting and the park is getting ready to close.

Ellie and Dahlia walk back to Chet and Frank’s car hand in hand, the men all trailing slightly behind them chatting.

Ellie has to keep all her focus on not crying as she faces saying goodbye to her daughter, again.

“Sweetie, wasn’t there something you wanted to say to Logan and Ellie?” Frank prompts.

Dahlia nods enthusiastically, and motions for them to come close. They both crouch, and Dahlia wraps her arms around both their necks in a warm hug. “Thank you for my daddies!” She chimes sweetly.

“And thank you for Dahlia.” Chet starts choking up again, and Frank wraps an arm around him, placing a kiss to his husband’s cheek. “We really cannot express how grateful we are to the two of you.” Chet elaborates, fighting back tears.

Ellie kisses Dahlia’s chubby cheek before freeing herself from her daughter to wrap both Chet and Frank in a big hug. “Thank you for making her so happy and loving her so much.” She murmurs in their ears.

Logan stands, holding Dahlia with one arm and reaching out his free hand to shake hands with Chet, and then Frank. “You guys are amazing parents. You’ve done such a great job with her.”

Chet laughs, wiping at his eyes. “Well, you guys provided us  with some pretty great source material.”

Dahlia lets out a big yawn, all the hours of playing clearly wore her out. She reaches for Frank, and Logan passes her over to her dad. She rests her head on Frank’s shoulder, eyes blinking sleepily.

“Well, we should let you get out of here.” Ellie forces herself to say.

“Yeah, we need to start getting home. But this was really great. Would you guys be up for doing this again? Maybe on an annual basis?” Chet offers.

Both Ellie and Logan readily agree.

“Bye Ellie! Bye Logan! See you next year!” Dahlia chimes when she’s strapped into her car seat minutes later, waving at them merrily.

They wave back before Chet closes the door. Chet and Frank hug them both again, saying their goodbyes.

Ellie finally lets the tears fall as the car drives off. Instinctively, she looks to Logan for comfort, burying her face into his chest and crying into his shirt.

Logan wraps his arms around her as he lets her cry it out, gently rubbing her back. “We did the right thing Ellie.”

“I know. But it’s still hard.” She returns, but her tears are starting to subside, calmed by Logan’s gentle embrace.

Ellie eventually pulls herself together, hesitantly letting go of Logan. But she can’t bring herself to say goodbye to him just yet, even though her dad is expecting her home soon.

Luckily, it seems like Logan isn’t ready to say goodbye either. He cups her cheeks, wiping away the last few stubborn tears. “God, I missed you troublemaker.” He admits softly.

“I missed you too.” Ellie returns. And then, she gives into the urge she’s been feeling all day. She wraps her arms around his neck, and captures his lips. She can’t help but let out a happy sigh when his hands tangle into her hair as he kisses her back. For the first time since leaving LA 5 years ago, Ellie feels like she’s home.

...

..

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[ssa-lesbian]

jj/elle + 2 for the ship thing 🥺

jelle // what do their love letters look like?

so when they’re dating, they don’t send letters because writing letters takes a long time and energy and honestly jj has so much work even after hours, but they do text, or at least text as much one can with an early 2000s era flip phone. internet slang isn’t a thing, so their texts are very professional, with perfect grammar, spelling, punctuation, and like also, their texts are full fucking paragraphs because they’re federal employees, they don’t have the money for spam messages. they also know garcia isn’t above searching through their phones if she thought something was up, but when they slip, jj sends a <3 and elle signs herself off with xoxo.

(they make up for it in person.)

and in a timeline where elle doesn’t leave the team, she and jj briefly separate because elle is caught up with everything, she doesn’t want to drag jj down with her. she ends up going to therapy after “aftermath” and jj showing up at her house and begging elle not to leave, and her therapist asks her if there’s anyone she wants to apologize to, and the first person elle thinks of is jj. and her therapist suggests writing her a letter. elle thinks it’s stupid, but she finds herself writing one anyways. elle isn’t good at emotions, it’s all simple sentences, hard facts, I am sorry, I messed up, I still love you, and I am sorry for that, and elle ends up crumpling it in her purse before going to work that day.

but in one of those hallmark movie miracles, the paper falls out of her bag in the bullpen and gets kicked around until jj herself kicks it into her office, and when she bends down to pick it up and throw it away, she sees at the top of the crinkled corner To JJ in elle’s signature straight print. and jj reads it.

(reid stops by later to ask her a question about one of the reports, but he leaves when he hears jj sobbing.)

(she doesn’t talk about it.)

the next day, there’s a neatly folded piece of paper on elle’s desk with To Elle scrawled in jj’s incoherent scribble, and with a frown, elle picks it up and it’s Elle, you did nothing wrong, I am the one who is sorry, I miss your laugh and your sighs and your eyes every single morning, and I promise I never hated you for leaving when you needed to heal, I still love you, more than you will ever know and--

jj watches from her office as elle very delicately folds the paper up, places it in her purse, and squeezes her eyes closed for a very long time before opening them again and going to work.

(jj notices elle won’t look her in the eye for the rest of the day.)

the next morning, elle drops by her office, says she has files for jj, and jj says sure, she takes them and when elle leaves jj finds another piece of paper with To JJ in what is undeniably elle’s handwriting and jj reads it and it’s I had forgotten how blue your eyes were. I enjoyed watching you tease Morgan Reid yesterday.

elle has another piece of paper on her desk the next day, in iconic jj scrawl, it’s Last night’s traffic was bad, but I remembered how you sang with the car radio (you always told me you hated modern pop, but your voice was clear as a bell and watching you bathed in golden sun, it felt like you were in love with the music itself) and I tried it out myself, and it reminded me of the nights we spent together just listening to music and holding each other. this one is placed carefully in her purse, right next to the letter from two days before.

this goes on, elle and jj exchanging letters in the morning, hotch knows there’s definitely something going on but he also knows they still won’t look each other in the eye and so he leaves it to them, and elle tries writing more romantically, her letters still stumbling a bit, and jj writes her entire heart onto her page. elle’s therapist notices she’s willing to talk a little more during sessions, but still won’t open up about her.

and one night on a flight back from a case, the only free seat is next to elle, so jj slips in quietly, and well, they’re tired, the entire team’s tired, and jj’s so exhausted her hand is shaking on her reports and her head is dipping forward and elle can’t take it anymore, she moves the armrest separating their seats and tilts her body so her back is to the window, and she takes jj and pulls her into her chest. jj is too tired to be surprised and accepts it immediately, curling into her warmth and falling asleep immediately, and elle dozes off as well, hand still weaving through jj’s locks (they’re just as soft as she remembers).

(morgan sends garcia a pic. garcia sends back a recording of her screaming.)

they still drop off letters for each other, but hotch sees them holding hands and looking at each other like they’re the only one in the whole entire universe.

send me a ship and a number!

[twilightfansofcolor]

Daisies (Black and Quileute reader)

Based on the Katy Perry song

2006

Ever since you were a child, you had dreams of singing on stage, performing was in your blood and you grew up around music. Your mother was the first black prima ballerina in the Paris Opera Ballet while your dad was the first male indigenous opera singer in Paris, so you grew up watching your parents perform, and it wasn’t shocking that you wanted to follow in their footsteps. Your family was very supportive, and they signed you up for lessons; your mother signed you up for ballet lessons as soon as you started walking and you took to it like a fish to water while your dad signed you up for singing lessons. With each and every lesson you succeeded, and it wasn’t until middle school that you began writing your own songs and playing guitar and piano. You were so talented, and all of your teachers and classmates were sure you were going to be the one to make it out of La Push and be a famous singer.

Everyone thought that, except for your pack. 

Told them your dreams and they all started laughing

Guess you’re out of your mind till it actually happens

I’m the small town

One in seven billion

Why can’t it be me?

“Look Y/N, you’re very talented, but what are the odds of you actually making it? What happens if you don’t?” You had the third watch with Paul as you were tracking the redheaded leech that was after Bella Swan, and after three hours, you had yet to see her though you came close the night before. “Why can’t it be me? Success isn’t an overnight thing, it takes time. And anyway, this gives me more time to perfect my craft.” You had been dancing with the Pacific Northwest Ballet since middle school, and you had auditioned for the New York City Ballet before you turned into a wolf some months ago, but you didn’t get in and he knew that. Damn pack mind collective.

“You already got rejected by New York, and there aren’t any music producers near. All I’m saying is, just have a game plan ready in case things go south.” You knew he meant well, and you do in fact have an alternative, but it’s the fact Paul didn’t believe in you, none of them do except for Leah and Seth, and you swore that if you did end up making it big, you’d take them with you and live in a giant house in Bel Air or Beverly Hills or any glamorous place you could think of.

They told me I was out there

Tried to knock me down

Took those sticks and stones

Showed em I could build a house

They tell me that I’m crazy

But I’ll never let em change me

Till they cover me in daisies

Daisies, daisies

Two days later and you’re hanging out with Leah in Port Angeles at an ice cream shop after seeing the newest Johnny Depp movie. “You know what Y/N? Screw em. Screw all of them. You’re so fucking talented, and the whole town knows that. Who the fuck cares what Paul says? After we catch that redhead, let’s stop phasing.” Yeah, you’re definitely taking Leah with you if you make it. The two of you finish your ice cream cones before driving back to your house to listen to your finished song that you completed a few days ago.

“Oh my god, Y/N, this is amazing, what the actual fuck?” Leah was always your biggest hypewoman, whether it was helping pick out an outfit, setting you up with a guy or when you showed her a new song you were working on. “Glad you think so. What if I am being crazy? Seriously Leah, what are the odds of me landing some record deal or dancing in New York or Paris or London or wherever?” She stuck her head out of your closet, her hands on a floral tube top. “Y/N you can’t be serious. You’re going to listen to Paul, of all people?”

“Well… what if he’s right? What if it never happens, and then I’m the laughing stock of all of La Push?” “Don’t listen to him, Y/N, your time will come, and when you’re accepting Grammys, Paul will just be on his couch. Please, don’t listen to him, just keep working at it.” And that’s exactly what you did. After the redhead was gone, you and Leah packed up and moved into an apartment in Seattle; you and Leah had just started University of Washington and Leah was studying marine biology while you were studying accounting, with a minor in dance.

You were still with the Pacific Northwest Ballet, and that’s where it happened. You had just landed the lead as Clara in The Nutcracker, the first black woman in the company’s history, and after the first show of the holiday season, a woman from the Paris Opera Ballet and told you about an opening, in case you were interested, and one thing led to another, and within two weeks, you and Leah were in (somewhat) crappy apartment in Paris but you didn’t mind. You were in Paris of all places with your best friend, and while your French was rusty, the streets crowded, you loved every minute of it.

They told me I was out there

Tried to knock me down

Took those sticks and stones 

Showed em I could build a house 

They tell me that I’m crazy

But I’ll never let em change me

Till they cover me in daisies

Daisies, daisies

2010

“And the Grammy for Song of the Year goes to…” You are actually sitting in the front row at the Grammys, as a first time nominee after years of working your ass off. After a three year stint at the Paris Opera Ballet, you decided that it was time to move on and begin your music career, and you performed original music in cafes around Paris before signing to a record label and immediately began working on your album which came out last year to great reviews. Now you were actually nominated for three Grammys: Best New Artist, Best Pop Vocal Album, and Song of the Year. You won the Best New Artist category but lost BPVA, and now you were clutching Leah’s hand as you anticipated the winner for Song of the Year.

And speaking of Leah, she became a model, walking the runways for some of the biggest fashion designers in the world and gracing magazines like Vogue, Elle, GQ, and British Vogue. “Y/N L/N, Daisies!” A Jonas Brother helped you up the steps and Lionel Richie handed you your trophy. You could see Leah with her phone as she snapped pictures of what was sure to be a big smile on your face. “Wow, I really don’t know what to say. This is… insane. I never thought I would be here. First, I want to say thank you to my parents for encouraging me, for inspiring me, and to my best friend Leah, I’m so grateful to call you my best friend, my soul sister. Thank you for never giving up on me when even I felt giving up on myself, and I’m so glad we’re on this journey together.”

The music played as you walked off the stage. You did it. Against all odds, you, a biracial kid from a reservation in the pacific northwest actually made it in the ever changing music industry.

They said I’m going nowhere

Tried to count me out

Took those sticks and stones

Showed em I could build a house

They tell me that I’m crazy

But I’ll never let em change me

Till they cover me in daisies

Daisies, daisies 

[fangirlxwritesx67]

Road Trip

Road Trip, 2k words

Jared x Jensen x OFC Elle Tags: Pg-13, road trip, lots of food and some drinking, a concert, spoiling the dog. AN: for @there-must-be-a-lock​ I don’t know that I’ve ever spent as much time with an author, in any fanfic universe, as I have with Lou in the Everything-verse. I can’t even begin to approach her sex scenes, so I didn’t even try. But I’ve done my best to write J2 with Elle the way she writes them. Haven’t read Everything yet? Head over to Amazon and get your copy of the e-book now! 

***

Elle was taken aback when she came home from the store to find her boyfriends in the living room, surrounded by their entire luggage collection. She knew their work schedule well, and didn’t think they had to travel this weekend. She stopped, a puzzled look creeping across her face. 

“Boys, are you going somewhere?” 

Jensen beckoned her over. He caressed her face, lifting her chin for a kiss. “We are going somewhere, all three of us.”

Jared bounded over and wrapped both of them in a hug. “It’s a surprise!”

Elle looked at him, expectantly. Jared was the worst in the world at keeping secrets, and she usually didn’t have to wait a full minute for him to blurt out the entire plan. 

“Jay, I swear to god-” Jensen said, a note of warning in his voice. Jared responded by miming that he was locking his lips and throwing away the key. 

“But how can I pack if I don’t know where I’m going?” Elle stepped over to claim one of the medium suitcases. 

“C’mon, you know you always wear band tees and skinny jeans, no matter what.” Jensen’s words were teasing but his tone was soft.

Elle fake-pouted. “Hey, I wear shorts too!”

“Sometimes you wear little dresses, look so cute,” Jared chimed in. “Ooh, and a swimsuit, you’ll need one of those!” 

She waited, but apparently Jensen had Jared under some kind of secrecy spell, because he stopped there. When it became clear that no more details were forthcoming, she headed to her room to pack.

***

The next morning, they rose before the sun. In spite of the early hour, Jared was bubbling over with excitement, while Jensen was checking off everything that needed to be done and packed. Elle approached their black SUV with a big yawn, hugging a pillow and her favorite blanket.

“Back seat is for you girls,” Jensen pointed. Elle climbed in, and stretched out as Daisy hopped up and settled down at her feet. The smooth motion of the car on the road soon lulled her back to sleep.

Too soon, the bright morning shining in her eyes woke her up. Making a disgruntled sound,  she sat up and looked at herself in the rearview mirror- her eyes were smudgy, her pink hair standing straight on end. She shrugged, and leaned forward between the front seats to rest her head on Jared’s shoulder.

“Good morning, sleeping beauty.” Jensen greeted her, and she lazily turned her head to meet his voice. “You hungry?” 

“Always,” she answered, as Jared combed his fingers through her hair, making it more of a mess, not less. They drove through a Starbucks to load up on coffee and breakfast sandwiches before stopping at the next rest stop area. Elle and the boys ate while Daisy ran around in the grass. Jensen pretended not to see his partners slipping the dog bites of food. 

*** They drove steadily East, stopping every few hours for gas and snacks and to let the dog out. Some hours were quiet, everyone reading or absorbed in their own thoughts. Other hours were musical, each of them taking a turn controlling the AUX cord, but all of them singing along. And some hours were chatty, the three of them discussing anything that came to mind, from books to current events to the perfect grill dinner. They were comfortable with one another, with both conversation and silence, that was the important thing.

Elle didn’t care so much about where they were going, as long as they were together. But after lunch, she could no longer ignore the view outside her window. They were in the Blue Ridge Mountains, roads snaking over hills and around curves. At every turn, she saw peaks swathed in gauzy clouds, and valleys through a blue mist. She had driven this road a hundred times in her life. The view never failed to fill her with awe.  

She watched the road signs, counting the miles, waiting for Jared or Jensen to say something. Finally she spoke up. 

“Boys, are we going to Gatlinburg?” 

“Yes!” Jared whipped around to face her. “We booked a cabin! It’s gonna be great!” 

Jensen nodded and met her eyes in the mirror, his smile growing to match hers. 

Gatlinburg. They were headed home. It wasn’t where she had grown up, exactly, but close by. It had been the destination of almost every vacation she had taken for the first 20 years of her life. 

As they drove into town, she felt her excitement growing. It was funny how things could come back to you, even after years away. There was her favorite little coffee shop, the one with all the plants. There was the record store where she spent all of her money on every trip.

The farmers selling produce by the side of the road, that was another familiar sight. Jensen stopped at one and loaded up on fresh fruit and veggies. Jared bought an armload of fresh homemade pastries. 

She felt her sense of intrigue grow as they turned off the main road, away from the hotels and resorts, and headed back into the mountains. A little while later, Jensen finally brought the SUV to a stop in front of an expansive cabin in the woods. He stepped out from the car and stretched before opening Elle’s door. Daisy rushed out, tail wagging. 

Elle stepped out and looked around, drawing in a deep breath. The sunlight air filtered down through the trees. She could smell pine and water nearby. Something in her soul unwound a little and seemed to settle in. She looked up as she felt Jensen’s gaze on her. 

“Hey,” he asked softly, “You like this?” She nodded, too overwhelmed to put her feelings into words. Just then, Jared bounded around the car.

“You won’t believe this place that Jay booked, look!” He took her hand in his and almost dragged her inside. He gave her an enthusiastic tour: the kitchen, the living room with a fireplace, the bedrooms, the hot tub on the porch. 

Jensen followed as they skipped from room to room, his eyes never leaving her. Clearly, the two of them had spent time together, browsing the options before they rented this house. Both men were eager to see her reaction, to make sure she was happy. 

When all three of them stopped on the porch, Elle looked down, through the verdant trees, to a small stream. This was even better than she could’ve dreamed. Her boyfriends stood on either side of her, and without speaking, each slipped one arm around her. She relaxed and leaned into their embrace. She felt safe, loved, at home. 

Daisy nudged at them, whining for attention. Elle broke away from the boys to pet her, and caught sight of a grill.

“Jensen, my guess is you’ve already planned to grill something for dinner?” Of course he had. Jared carried a cooler up from the car, and pulled out steaks that had been marinating since the night before. Jensen had prepped some of the produce he had purchased on the way in, a grill basket full of peppers, onions and mushrooms, with a side of asparagus.

While they cooked, she took a quick shower. The master bathroom was expansive, with a big glassed in shower and a deep garden tub. She smiled, anticipating the things the three of them could do in there. She slipped into one of the short dresses she had packed. It was comfortable, light and soft. She was glad Jared had suggested it. 

That night, the three of them ate until they couldn’t eat any more. Even Jensen slipped a bite or two of steak to the dog. The sun set and the stars came out and they still lingered on the porch, talking and laughing. Long after midnight, Jensen steered Elle to the bedroom they had picked out for her. Jared made sure she had her meds and a bottle of water. She relaxed into the expanse of clean white sheets and pillows, and fell asleep. 

*** Elle slept in late the next morning, later than she was ever able to sleep in their apartment. She woke up slowly, but was lured to the kitchen by the smell of coffee. Jensen was making scrambled eggs loaded with veggies and cheese, while Jared was digging into the pastries he bought the day before. 

She enjoyed good morning kisses from both her boyfriends before she settled down with a plate of food and a mug of coffee. Propped up on the table in front of her was an envelope with her name.

“Boys?” She asked, as she reached for it. Both of them turned to look at her. Jensen was smiling broadly, that look on his face when he knew he had done well, while Jared was practically vibrating from excitement. 

She opened the envelope and 3 concert tickets fell into her hand. Her favorite band in the whole world, right here in Gatlinburg, floor seats, tonight. She couldn’t form words, just screeched in excitement as she launched herself at Jared and Jensen. The three of them shared a warm embrace as she babbled her thanks. Wakened by the commotion, Daisy came over and nudged at their legs. 

Elle sat back down, overwhelmed. She had seen this stop on the concert tour, of course, but it seemed too far away. That had been months ago, and she had honestly forgotten the date. The fact that Jared and Jensen had planned not only a get away weekend for her, but a concert, said volumes. 

That night, the boys dressed as usual in jeans and button-downs. Of course Elle had packed one of her many t-shirts for this particular band. They were her favorites, after all. She took extra care with her look, lining her eyes and touseling her hair. Finally, they headed out.

The warm up bands were good, thoroughly enjoyable, but Elle was saving her excitement for the main act. The moment they came on stage, the first thrum of the bass, she was gone. She screamed and sang along and danced, savoring every moment. 

The concert ended at midnight, but Elle wasn’t even remotely tired as they drove back up the mountain. She spent the entire drive babbling about every moment, every song. She was still waxing enthusiastic in the kitchen when Jensen silenced her with a kiss. 

“You packed a swimsuit, right? Go change.”

She did, and stepped out onto the porch. Jared was already in the tub, knees wide and head back. She slipped in next to him and rested her head on his shoulder. Jensen followed, carrying 3 beers, which he handed out as he sank into the water. 

Elle turned to face Jensen, kissing him deeply. Jared drew closer to the two of them, his hands all over their bodies. For what felt like a long time, the three of them traded kisses, caresses slow and lingering in the hot water. 

Finally, Jensen stepped out of the hot tub, lifting Elle up with him. She clung to him as he carried her back inside. Jared stepped ahead of them and was already on the bed, arms open, when Jensen lowered her down on the white sheets. 

***

Elle woke up late the next morning. Her head was resting on Jensen’s shoulder, his chest rising and falling under her fingers. Jared was spooned around behind her, his arm holding her close. 

She took a deep breath. The concert last night was amazing. This cabin was fantastic. It was so much fun to be back in a familiar city. They had two more days in front of them, and she was looking forward to every minute of it.

But honestly, the best part of the trip was just being together. Jensen, Jared and her - it wasn’t anything she had ever imagined. No, it was better than she had ever imagined. However unlikely, she was theirs and they were hers.

*** Like what you’ve read? Read my first chapter with this trio, Enough

Thanks to @lastactiontricia​ for jumping in and giving this a preread.

SPN First Last and Always: @boondoctorwho​ @dawnie1988​ @deanwanddamons​ @defenderrosetyler​ @divadinag​ @emoryhemsworth​ @flamencodiva​ @fookinghelljensensthighs​ @idreamofplaid​ @kalesrebellion​ @kickingitwithkirk​ @maddiepants​ @magssteenkamp​ @onethirstyunicorn​   @the-chocolate-moose  @there-must-be-a-lock​ @tloveswriting​

Sam Girl For Life: @awesomesusiebstuff​ @lilsylvia​ @winchesterxfamilybusiness​

Dean Curious: @adoptdontshoppets​ @awesomesusiebstuff​ @deangirl7695​ @deans-baby-momma​  @mrsjenniferwinchester​ @stoneyggirl​ @supersassyprobablysad @wayward-gypsy​ @winchesterxfamilybusiness​

Gay Screaming: @boondoctorwho​, @cracksinthewalls​, @fookinghelljensensthighs​ @itmighthavebeenintentional​, @justcallmeasmodeus​, @katehuntington​, @maddiepants​, @mskathywriteswords​, @rockhoochie​, @there-must-be-a-lock​, @thoughtslikeaminefield

[bourbonboredom]

A Reason To Believe Chapter 14

Being an undercover officer is a perilous job and Flip Zimmerman knows this far too well. He keeps his romantic life limited to one-night stands, never letting anyone get too close. That all starts to change when he meets a vivacious Jewish woman named Elle just as he’s about to take on a seriously dangerous undercover job; infiltrating the KKK. Elle and his undercover work make him question things he’d never thought to before and challenge him to see the world, and himself, in a whole new light.

A Flip x OC Fic

Word Count: 3,817

Warnings: none

The night is gone

The light has come

A new day has begun

The weather is clear

And people are here

And morning's here

Calling everyone

(x)

The office is always a little quieter after an undercover mission is completed. Usually because the mountains of paperwork leave little time for chitchat. There was less of a busy feeling in the air though in the weeks after the explosion, it was more of simmering tension.

The case had been declared shut just a few days after the attack, but not because Ron or Flip felt it was done. Chief Bridges had made the declaration, finding the klan no longer posing a threat after the death of three members. It was bullshit and everyone knew it. To make things more outrageous, Bridges said he wanted everything to do with the case destroyed.

Flip was furious. He'd wound up walking out of the office before Bridges had stopped talking. This wasn't fair, this wasn't over. Just because three died doesn't mean there wasn't still a whole chapter in Colorado Springs left. Or that Duke wasn't still running hundreds of other chapters. No one was safer from anything happening.

Him and Ron barely looked at each other the rest of the day, both to angry to even talk about with with one another. The boxes that contained evidence were now siting next to his trash can, they weren't of any use to the case if there wasn't even going to be a case of record. The second he was off is shift he'd stormed out of the building, racing to get home.

He'd packed up some essentials from his house; clothes, documents, his photos and army memorabilia, and put it in the trunk of his car. With the organization knowing his residence, he couldn't live there anymore. He'd find a new place to live in the next few days, there were bound to be apartments with vacancies. In the meantime, he could rent a motel room or crash on Jimmy's couch, or something.

As he sat in his car, his mind wandered to Elle. At least this would give him more time to be with her. Maybe she'd let him spend the night more often, let him hold her close and tell him that things would work out.

He started his car and headed in the direction of her apartment. He'd probably get to her place before she got off work, but she didn't mind him hanging around there now. She gave him a key after all. He unlocked her front door, pulled a Coors from the fridge and sat on the couch, processing the days events.

Elle got home a half hour later. She was dressed in her shirt and pants with her necklace secured back around her neck with a new chain. She looked happy to see him, but her face feel after she saw his expression.

"Hey, is everything okay?" She pried off her shoes and sat beside him, laying a hand on his shoulder.

"The chief closed the case even though he knows the organization is still a threat. He wants us to erase it from record. Everything about the klan must go," He mumbled. He knows he shouldn't tell her, but he doesn't give a fuck.

"What?" Her voice was full of shock, partially from the news and partially because he'd actually told her what was going on. "Why would he do that?"

"Who knows. But it's over, I gotta cut ties with the organization. And probably move because they know where I live now,"

"One, fuck your boss. He's an idiot and I'd give him a piece of my mind if you'd let me," She started.

"My boss can't know that you know about all this," He interjected.

"I know. But he's an idiot for shutting that down. You and Ron were doing great things." She rested her head on his shoulder and looked up at him. "And two, move in with me,"

"What?" He wasn't sure he heard her correctly.

"Move in with me, you practically live here anyways. There's enough room for two people, and I'm ready for it if you are,"

"Aren't you worried about what people are gonna say? What your landlord could say? Most people around here don't live together until they're married,"

"It's my apartment and there's nothing in my lease that says anything about it. I don't care what people will have to say, it's our life not theirs," She broke into a sly smile after her statement. "Besides, what are they gonna do? Call the cops?"

He cracked a smile and swooped her into a kiss.

"I love you," He murmured against her lips

"Is that a yes?"

"It's a yes,"

He heart felt full. The abrupt ending for the case was awful, and he knew he'd feel that way for a long time. But now he knew he'd be coming home to her every night. He held her against his chest, his heart beat feeling even as he calmed down. He was going to be able to get through this, get through anything, with Elle next to him.

----------

Weeks later, the office was starting to get back to normal. The holiday season was starting up, putting everyone in a better mood despite the air growing colder and snow starting to fall.

It was the end of November, and staying true to his promise, Flip was ready to celebrate the first night of Hanukkah with Elle. He noticed more than usual this year how Christmas completely dominated the season. He could count the number of menorahs he saw around town on one hand, and nothing was marketed in stores for the holiday.

He picked Elle up at the hospital that night, the two of them were going grocery shopping to pick up ingredients to make latkes. He remembered his grandparents making them when him and his parents stayed over for a few days. His mother refused to make them for him when he asked for them after.

Elle had told him that Hanukah wasn't a huge deal for her family either. It was a quiet holiday for her parents in Germany, especially right before the Second World War broke out.

"It wasn't until they got to America that Hanukkah became a big thing," She had explained to him a couple of days ago. "The rabbi at temple wanted the community to be involved and have something to look forward to in the winter, like how Christians had Christmas. So we'd give little gifts to one another and play dreidel and stuff."

He was kind of excited to celebrate with her. After turning down Yom Kippur and Sukkot, he'd felt a little guilty. At the time, he didn't think much of it. But after being faced with hate day in and day out, he wanted to learn more about his culture.

And so here he was, pulling his car up to the curb so that Elle could jump in from the snow currently falling around them. She greeted him with a kiss, her cold nose touching his cheek as she did, and they drove out to the store.

It was late afternoon and the store was quiet. It was only a week or so after thanksgiving, and a month until Christmas, so the shelves were well-stocked during the holiday lull. They strolled down the aisles, Elle reading from list she'd pulled from her jacket pocket.

Sour cream

Applesauce

Onion

Potato

It was simple enough, but that didn't stop them from messing around. When Elle sent him to get a tub of Daisy sour cream, he came back to her trying to reach a jar of applesauce on the top shelf.

He could have easily grabbed it for her, but instead opted to come up behind her and left her in the air. She let out a yelp and nearly elbowed him in the face until she saw it was just her boyfriend. She rolled her eyes, laughed, and grabbed the glass jar, asking to be put back in solid ground.

He set her back down and spun her around to give her a kiss. Normally he hated watching other people's PDA, but he could barely keep his hands off her. She broke the kiss and rubbed her nose against his.

"Come on Romeo, we've gotta get cooking by sundown, let's finish up here,” She hooked a finger on his belt, drawing him closer as she continued in a hushed voice. "We've got the night to ourselves, be patient and you might get a reward later,"

"Oh? What kind of reward?" He rested his hand on the small of her back, subtly drifting lower.

"It's something small. And lacy. You'll have to unwrap me to find out," He let out a short breath as she spoke, looking around to make sure no one heard that.

"Trouble," He gave her a light smack on her ass as she started walking toward the produce section.

"Only for you," She called back to him.

Only for him. All for him.

She had him grab onions while she looked for the best bag of potatoes. He put the newly-filled paper bag into their basket and started to head back over. He'd come up behind Elle, resting his hand on the small of her back to let her know he was there. He looked around the store as he waited, watching as a few people went by with their own groceries.

Suddenly, something caught his attention out of the corner of his eye. He turned his head to see a familiar face looking at him from down the aisle.

A brunette was watching the two of them, her cart stationary as though she stopped to stare. It took a second to place her, but he remembered. She was from the klan bar out in the country. She was the one who wanted him to dance.

He stared back, waiting to see if she knew who he was. He couldn't quite place her expression. Elle didn't notice the interaction. She had turned to face him, tugging his sleeve to let him know she was finished. The woman's gaze shifted from their faces to their necks.

After the case was over, Flip had retrieved his necklace from his desk, returning it to its rightful place around his throat. The top buttons of his shirt were undone and Elle's uniform showed off her own Star of David. The woman's mouth drew tight and she walked off, not giving them a second look.

He thought about it all through the check out line and on the car ride home. That woman, who had spent nights on end checking him out at the bar, had just turned her nose up at him because of a necklace. Of course, he didn't want or need her attention, spending most of those nights purposefully avoiding her. What was bothering him was that without knowing a single thing about it besides his heritage, the woman had gone from pursuing him to being repulsed by him. The case was over, people had died or gone to jail, but the hatred still persisted. Had anything really changed?

He helped Elle unpack everything onto the counter, and she set him to work peeling and grating the potatoes as she diced an onion. The radio played in the background, thankfully the Christmas music hadn't started yet so it was just the regular rotation of pop music. Some pop group belted out their ballad as they worked in silence.

He handed over the peeled and grated potatoes to Elle, who was wiping her eyes with the corner of a towel, the onions proving to be potent. She mixed the two together with an egg. She instructed him to set a pan on the stove and turn on the heat. She formed patties with her hands and put oil in the pan, letting the latke crackle as it met the heat.

"You've been quiet, you got something on your mind?" She asked as she turned one over. Perfect golden brown.

"It's probably nothing. But I saw someone from the investigation at the grocery store this afternoon. A woman who frequented a bar the klan hung out at," He divulged.

"Do you think she recognized you?"

"I don't know, I couldn't tell honestly. But I think she saw my necklace. She was friendly before, when she thought I was Ron Stallworth, a brother. But she took one look at the necklace and suddenly it was like I was a piece of gum on the street,"

She turned the heat off and moved the pan to a different burner. She hopped on the counter, extending her arms to motion for him to come closer. He obliged, wrapping his arms around her frame, resting his head on her shoulder. Her arms reached up, embracing him. One hand ran through his hair in a soothing motion.

"People suck. She sucks," She said

"I just don't know if the case was even worth it. Sure, we got some good intel and some suffered consequences. But most of them are still out there, just living life. Ron told me he saw a cross burning from his apartment the other night. It's like nothing has really changed,"

"You changed,"

Her words confused him. He look at her, brows furrowed.

"When I met you, before this whole case started, you didn't seem to care too much. About who you were, where you came from, what others were doing in the world. This case changed you. I don't know what went on most of the time, or what you heard or saw but you'd come home angry and tired. But you also started forming opinions, taking interest in your culture and really thinking about what's happening around you,"

"So yeah, they might not have changed. They're gonna be full of hate and ignorance probably for the rest of their lives. They don't want to actually be better, they want to think they're better than everyone else. You, Flip Zimmerman came out of this a better person,"

He thought about her words. It wasn't something he really considered, but he supposed she was right. Things had changed for him. New place, new girlfriend, new perspective on life.

He kissed her forehead, a silent thank you.

"I love you,"

"I love you too. Do you wanna put some plates our for me so I can serve these up?"

"Sure thing babe," He let her get off the counter and start cooking again. He grabbed two plates from the cabinet, letting her alternate finished latkes between them.

The sun was just setting when they finished. They placed the food on the table and brought a bottle of wine out to share. Her menorah, one her family bought her before she'd gone off to college and had been with her ever since, was sitting proudly in the window.

A tiny part of him thought about how visible it was, the shiny silver with the white candles could easily be seen from the street. Thoughts of someone from the klan spotting it, someone seeing it as a bullseye for who to target their hate against. He knew what people were capable of.

"Do you know the story of Hanukkah?" She asked him.

He realized he'd begun to space out, and she had seen him staring at the menorah in the window. He had a feeling that she knew what he'd been thinking.

"Not really," He admitted.

A Syrian king named Antiochus IV sent his soldiers to enforce his rule. He had outlawed Judaism and any holiday or custom that had to do with it. Jews were expected to convert to following the Greek gods or die.

After the Temple of Jerusalem had been declared to be for the Greek god Zeus, a Jewish resistance movement led by the Maccabees began in defiance of this ruling. They fought against the Syrians in several battles and though severely outnumbered, won.

According to the legend, when the Maccabees entered the temple and began to reclaim it, they quickly went to relit their eternal flame on the menorah. In the temple, they found a single jar of oil, which would only light the menorah for one day. It would take eight days for a messenger to bring them more oil. But miraculously that one jar of oil burned for the full eight days, keeping the flame alive until more oil could be brought. Those eight days became the miracle of Hanukkah.

"It's about perseverance of our religion and culture. Hanukah means dedication in Hebrew. The menorah is displayed publicly on purpose, it's a way of asserting your faith for all to see,"

He understood what she was saying. This was an opportunity for him.

“I'd like to light the candle for the first night," He said after some thought. "If that's okay,"

"Of course babe," Elle responded. She brought over a candle she'd lit previously, handing him the shamash.

As she used her flame to light his, he thought about how the last time he held a candle was during the klan initiation. He had to stand up in front of a room and swear he was of pure blood. He had to lie, mask an entire aspect of his existence. The entire time he'd found himself thinking of Rosh Hashanah with Elle, the ritual and meaning behind the candles, how they were to usher in a new year and positivity. Holding the shamash, now lit, felt cleansing. The flame once again holding a uplifting meaning.

"Do you need me to guide you through the prayer?" She asked. He nodded. She spoke slowly, letting him take his time to recite.

Baruch atah, Adonai

Eloheinu, Melech haolam,

“Hah-oh-lahm” she enunciated, letting him correct himself.

asher kid’shanu

b’mitzvotav v’tsivanu

l’hadlik ner shel Hanukkah.

The first candle was lit, the flame dancing steadily upon the wick. He set the shamash back down in its holder and stepped back to look at it.

He felt Elle wrap her arms around his waist. He curled his arm around her, hugging her to him. They looked at the menorah, watching how the light reflected on the icy window pane, creating dancing shadows on the wall.

"How do you feel?" She asked.

A few months ago, he was in a completely different place, mentally more so than physically. He looked down at Elle, her big brown eyes staring back up at him. She looked at him with love, a feeling he eagerly returned. He felt at peace, he felt accepted and in turn, more accepting of himself.

"I feel like I'm home," He responded.

He was unsure at first, if she'd understand what he meant by that. But she just smiled up at him before resting her head on his chest. She understood, he was home.

______

Welp, that’s all folks! Thanks for reading this story, I had fun writing it! It was cathartic to write a Jewish-driven story, you dont get to see those often. 

Shalom aleichem

[wolfpawn]

I Hate You, I Love You, Chapter 127

Chapter Summary - Danielle and Tom return home and organise themselves for their next time apart, but Danielle's trip to the shops leads to a peculiar situation.

Previous Chapter

Rating - Mature (some chapters contain smut)

Triggers - references to Tom Hiddleston’s work with the #MeToo Movement. That chapter will be tagged accordingly.

authors Note - I have been working on this for the last 3 years, it is currently 180+ chapters long.  This will be updated daily, so long as I can get time to do so, obviously.

Copyright for the photo is the owners, not mine.

I WILL get there, it is my dream!

All image rights belong to their owners

tags: @sweetkingdomstarlight-blog​​ @jessibelle-nerdy-mum​​ @nonsensicalobsessions​​ @damalseer​​ @hiddlesbitch1​​ @winterisakiller​ @fairlightswiftly​​ @salempoe​​ @wolfsmom1

‘Where are my best boys?’ Both dogs were almost frantic to get to Tom and Danielle as she knelt down in front of them. Mac got there first on account of his longer legs and Bobby tumbling en route. When he righted himself, he decided to seek attention from Tom before both dogs seemed to hear a silent signal and both swapped humans almost as though they had choreographed it. ‘Did you miss us?’ Bobby all but climbed into her arms and licked her face.

‘What happened to not rewarding this behaviour?’ Tom asked as he scratched the fur on Mac’s chest.

‘I saw you do it first.’ She grinned as she cuddled the pup in her arms.

They got the dogs into the car, securing them before heading back to the house. Tom spoke about different engagements to do with Early Man as they went.

‘Did you spend much time with the rest of the cast for the movie?’ Danielle asked.

‘No, you don’t with voice work, you are in a recording studio, mostly by yourself.’

‘Do you know the rest of the cast well, bar Redmayne?’

‘Not really, I mean, I met most of them a few times, the British circuit is a smaller one, but I will have to spend the most of my time with Maisie and Eddie for the promotion.’

‘Maisie Williams, right?’

‘Yes….’

‘I like her, she and I spent way too long talking about her stunts when she and I were on the set together, she is mad in the loveliest possible way.’ Tom stared at her. ‘She’s in Game of Thrones you absolute numpty.’ Danielle laughed.

Tom shook his head and chuckled. ‘Oh course, how foolish of me. You will see Redmayne before me though.’

‘No, he is there for the second week, he is doing stuff for Early Man the first one.’

‘How do you know this?’

‘I may have checked the schedule on the flight back.’

‘Elle!’

‘What, you were asleep and I am leaving first thing, so I wanted to get ready and that way get in the shopping and walk the dogs at home instead of readying for this.’

Tom nodded slightly. ‘That does sound like a better idea, in all fairness.’

‘So, we drop the dogs and bags back, I get some shopping while you sort the house and...why are you looking at me like that?’

‘You’re not even going to be here, why are you getting the shopping?’ Tom chuckled.

‘Because I don’t forget half the list because some people recognise me and then forget why I was there, leading to a return to the shop fifteen minutes later to forget….again!.’

‘That was one time.’

‘You mean you only forgot twice one time, it is not the only time you did that.’ She laughed. ‘You can remember Hamlet, including five soliloquies but you cannot remember to get red currant jelly.’

‘I am a terrible man.’ Tom chuckled, taking her hand and kissing it.

‘Well, you had to have some faults. Contrary to many of your fan’s beliefs, you’re not actually a deity.’

‘You seem to think me a deity when we’re in bed.’

‘Behave.’ She warned, giving him a momentary glare, but there was a grin edging its way into her features as she did.

When they got back to the house, Mac saw fit to mark the two cars as well as the two brick gate posts before finally going inside, Bobby having already went to ensure their bed was still where it had been before. Tom and Danielle brought in their bags and their gifts that they had gotten, into the house.

‘I am not going to lie, your way of doing this is far easier.’ Tom beamed as he took his suitcase upstairs as Danielle brought hers to the back kitchen to the washing machine.

‘Well, it makes more sense, all the dirty laundry in one bag, the clean in the other, otherwise you are forced to wash everything, and that is not practical.’ Danielle explained as she ascended the stairs after him.

‘Very thrifty, Ms Hughes.’

‘I am a very practical woman.’ She smiled as she entered the bedroom, laughing as she watched Tom jokingly toying with her unused underwear, a cheeky grin on his face. ‘You fecking eejit.’ His smile only widened at her reaction. ‘How are you a man that is assumed to be so professional and proper and here you are, messing with my panties?’

‘I am a very talented actor.’ Tom beamed proudly.

‘Fecking eejit.’ She laughed. ‘I am going to get some shopping.’ She grabbed her purse that she had left at her side of the bed and left the room.

‘What about…’

She paused on the stairs as a concerned looking Tom came out of the room. ‘Yes, love?’

‘Why would you pay for the food when I am the one that will eat most of it?’

‘Because there is a water charges bill that needs paying on the counter, they will be about the same.’ She dismissed.

‘Fair enough.’ Tom shrugged. ‘Don’t forget the Hobnobs.’

‘I plan on getting two packs.’

‘I love you.’

‘You love Hobnobs.’ Danielle laughed.

‘I love you more though.’

‘Good to know.’ She chuckled as she grabbed her jacket and went to the shops.

*

Danielle paid little heed to anything around her bar the road as she parked and paid her ticket before grabbing a few bags from the back seat and rushing into the first shop.

It did not take long to get what she needed, eggs, milk and other such items, before heading to the butchers for meat. Grabbing the few things for the rest of the week, she didn’t really think too much of anything before bagging her purchases and leaving again. It was at the last stop, a small Tesco Express not far from the car to get Tom’s biscuits that she paused and frowned.

She had seen Tom on magazines before, especially after the whole Taylor Swift situation, but seeing herself and him on them seemed to make her brain incapable of processing it. On the front cover of three different magazines, there were photos of her and Tom on their arrival to Rome, as well as a comparative picture with him there with Taylor, and a few headlines that made her brow raised. Shaking her head, she turned slightly only to see a women flicking through one of the magazines only to stop at the page of her and Tom, the woman reading ardently what few lines that were there before noticing Danielle next to her.

‘My daughter is stone mad about him, he’s not bad to look at. Could do with a shave though.’

‘I prefer a beard, personally.’

‘Well, his girlfriend doesn’t seem to mind. Poor Amanda was gutted to see him with someone, as though she’ll ever even meet him.’ The woman rolled her eyes. ‘She seems too down to Earth for all that madness, look at that outfit, she’s not trying to show off her knickers like half of them.’

‘I don’t blame her.’ Danielle smiled before going to get the biscuits, laughing to herself. As she grabbed Tom’s favourites she fell into fresh giggles and forced herself to breathe deep before laughing again. When she got to the checkout, the girl behind the counter was looking at her oddly, which did little to help Danielle’s giggles. She barely uttered out thank you as she took her change, noting the girl checking her hand. Danielle, unable to stop herself, turned over her hand and gave a pretend saddened face before thanking the girl again and walking off, another checkout girl nearby laughing loudly as she did, also saying “I told you it was her” as she did so.

Danielle was still laughing when she parked the car in the driveway and collected the bags of shopping and heading into the house. She was about to see where Tom was to tell him her funny story when she heard him speaking on the phone.

‘So nothing too mad then? No, I told you I wasn’t going to propose. No, she loved it. She needed the break, work has been hard on her recently.’ Danielle closed the door gently and went to make her way into the kitchen quietly so not to startle Tom and interrupt his call. ‘No, I haven’t asked her.’ Danielle paused for a moment. ‘She could tell I wanted to ask her something and I froze.’ She frowned at his words, remember the odd look he was giving her and her questioning it before he dismissed it. ‘Because she will say no and everything will become awkward and it could very well destroy everything.’ Danielle felt odd about what Tom was saying, not sure what he was wanting to ask her. ‘She actually allowed me to embrace her and she kissed me, in public, I am not risking all that. I….I can’t. If she said no and felt as though I was pressuring her and...no, it’s not worth it. I know I do, but not at the cost of her.’

Deciding not to let the conversation continue without Tom knowing she was there, Danielle inhaled deeply and used her elbow to open the door. Tom swung around, clearly startled by her appearance. She gave an attempt at a smile as Tom ran his hand through his hair before clearing his throat.

‘Luke, I need to go, Danielle is back and I need to help her get sorted here. I’ll talk to you more tomorrow. Yes, I will send back the paperwork to them as well. Bye.’ Tom hung up the phone and rushed over to Danielle. ‘Wow, you weren’t kidding when you said you were getting everything.’ He smiled as he brought the meat to the fridge. ‘Was there anything of note in the village?’

‘No, here?’ Danielle asked, wondering if Tom would think to mention the earlier content of his call.

‘Nothing much. Luke rang, as you gathered, letting me know that there was a few pictures and articles, nothing of note.’

‘We are on the front page of a few magazines.’ Tom stared silently at her. ‘There are a few of the weekly trash ones with the pictures of us in Rome on them. Going by the publishing dates, if there is any of us elsewhere, they will happen in the next issue.’ She did not even look at him as she put the rice and other foods in the cupboard.

‘Are you alright?’

‘Fine, you?’

‘Fine.’ Tom eyed her cautiously. ‘Are you mad?’

‘About what, the magazines?’ He nodded. ‘Not at all, I couldn’t give a fuck about them, I thought it was funny if I’m honest. I giggled the whole way around Tesco’s and the entire journey home about it actually.’ She stated as she all but threw the groceries away. ‘I am going to get changed. Are we both walking the dogs or am I going alone?’

Tom could not help but notice her harsh manner. ‘I thought we were both going?’

‘Well, we better get started so, I need to get an early dinner as I have to be up at stupid o’clock to get the half six flight.’ She left the room and a baffled Tom behind her.

For the whole of the walk, though Danielle ensured she kept her tone light and spoke casually, Tom did not reveal anything of the conversation that concerned her with Luke, upsetting her slightly.

He tried to suggest ordering something or going out to dinner since they were tired out after their holiday and Danielle was up so early, but she insisted on cooking, making sure both their steaks were done as they liked them and putting together a delicious dinner to go with them.

‘Thank you, Elle, that was incredible.’ Tom kissed her cheek as she soaked the dish she had put the roast potatoes in. ‘I am going to miss you terribly.’

‘Yes, it is odd after so long of both of us in the house to be apart again, but we are well able for it.’ Danielle smiled. ‘Unless we don’t count my hell hours.’

‘How will Safeguard do without you around for two weeks?’

‘Well, I will have a shit-tonne to do again on my return, obviously, but for the most part, I am needed to ensure the set is ready but that is going to be mostly before shooting, I can deal with a lot of the paperwork while on site, so I will be fine, just checking over everything when I...stop that.’ She gently pushed Tom, who was snaking his hands down her sides. ‘You are insatiable.’ His lips pressed against her skin. ‘The dogs are looking at us.’

‘So?’

‘Tom, I am not a prude, you know that but we are not going any further in front of our pets, that is not something I am into.’ She nudged him again.

‘Then leave the dishes and get away from the dogs.’

‘I need to tidy and pack.’

Tom groaned. ‘Spoilsport.’

‘Finish these and let the adult get her work done.’ She scoffed, drying her hands and tossing the tea towel at him before leaving the room.

When Tom joined her upstairs half an hour later, Danielle had a fresh bag packed and everything she needed ready. ‘I will bring that down for you.’

‘You’re fine. I am going to get a cab in the morning, let you sleep in.’

‘What? No, I will drop you.’

‘You don’t have to, I’m better off getting there myself.’

‘Elle, are you alright, you have been bothered since coming back from the shops?’

‘I’m fine, I just don’t want you having to get up early for no good reason.’

‘Seeing you off is not “no good reason”.’

‘Are you that desperate to get rid of me?’ She joked, putting her arms around him. ‘Tom, I mean it, nothing happened when I was out today, well, it did, but positive, I was actually in a great mood from it all.’

‘But you seem …’

‘Don’t go looking for issues when there are none,’ She warned, throwing a pair of folded clean socks at him. ‘I am trying to get myself ready for two weeks of hard work after a fortnight of shit, then a nice break, it’s a lot to organise in my head.’ She explained.

‘I’m sorry, I just don’t want something like magazines coming between us, I don’t want to lose you to something so inconsequential.’

‘Do you think you will?’

‘No, or I hope I don’t, but the way you kissed me, you actually leant up and kissed me, in front of others, in full view of everyone...I…’ There was some emotion in his face that Danielle found difficult to place, it was almost like happy disbelief. ‘I love you, so much. And the idea that we are developing this much...You have no idea how incredibly happy I am, Elle.’ She could not help but smile as he looked at her adoringly. ‘I love this, I love you and I love us.’

‘Tom, you are too loving, do you know that?’ She smiled. ‘I love you too.’ She leant up and kissed him. ‘But no matter what, I am not going to run off over something small, I promise, so don’t ever feel you can’t talk to me about certain things that are bothering you, okay?’

Tom’s brows knitted together slightly before he nodded. ‘I know.’ He kissed her and pulled her in against him, but said nothing else on the matter, causing Danielle to wonder again as to what it was he was referencing in that phone call.

[fandom-star]

Transgender Pride Month Challenge

So, I'm an admin on a trans meme/info account on Instagram, and one of the guys on there sent this to our chat, so I thought I'd do it on here.

1. My name is Elliott or Ell. I am asexual and bi/panromantic (both fit me so I use both) and I am a transmasculine non-binary person.

2. The only proper coming out I've had was with my mum. I don't feel like putting it here, it's somewhere on my blog. Most of the time I've either given my friends my Tumblr knowing they'd figure it out or I've just dropped a thousand hints in group chats! I dunno, I just prefer coming out like that with people I know will be okay with it.

3. I've probably always had an idea, at least since I was about 8, but after the age of 10 I kind of went into a fair bit of denial and threw myself into being a fangirl. I eventually realised I should look into it in May 2018, when I first identified as a demigirl.

4. I am not on hormones. It's probably something I'll look into doing maybe in my mid twenties for half a year, maybe a year, to get the extent of the effects that I want, but I don't think I'd stay on for much more than a year.

5. My support system is mostly my friends. 

6. My chest, my deadname (mostly seeing it written), sometimes my voice, sometimes my height.

7. When I decided to change my name (July 2018 when I was exploring the possibility of being a trans guy) the one thing I knew was that I wanted to still be able to feasibly use the nickname Ell. So I basically looked around online for names with that sound in them. I ended up with about five or six and wrote down the pros and cons of them all. The only con on the name Elliott was that there was a guy in my form class with the same name (Elliot), whereas the others usually had about two. So I chose Elliott.

8. I haven't had much of a transition journey. I had my hair cut short in July 2018. Had my first irl coming out in September 2018 as non-binary to a friend who figured it out. July 2019 I changed my name. July and August 2019 I came out to my mum (if you followed me then you'll know what that story is and why it was over two months). November 2019 I went to a comic con with my friends which was my first time being openly non-binary in public, and I also bought my first pronoun badge there. Later in the month, my mum bought me a pronoun badge. December 2019 my best friend bought me my first binder. And some point before September 2020 I will have come out on my personal Instagram.

9. I don't think I have any regrets. I feel like I shouldn't have any, because everything I have done has brought me here, and I'm happy where I am. Maybe I regret backing out of coming out on Instagram last month, because I was gonna try coming out on 1st of July, but with everything happening I felt like it was a really inappropriate time.

10. My binder is a blue half tank from GC2B. His name is Robbie. I can't be bothered to take a photo!

11. My definite transition goals are to legally change my name and gender (but only when the UK legally recognises non-binary people, until then imma confuse people by having a masculine legal name but being legally recognised as female!) and have a chest reduction. As I said earlier, I'm definitely considering testosterone, but the two effects I definitely want from it are facial hair and a deeper voice, both of which I could probably achieve to an extent without the involvement of T. (I basically have the ability to grow a beard naturally, but I never have because mum's worried about me being bullied or whatever if it gets too much.)

14. I am single and have never been in a relationship. I know, I know, the shock and the horror of a 16 year old having never been in a relationship, but I'm permanently anxious about everything, and I don't develop crushes very often and the last two I've had have been on friends, one of which doesn't live near me and I've never met in person, so.... Yeah, and that means I can't really say whether people knowing I'm trans or not has had any difference in them being attracted to me.

15. Obviously, I'm not completely out right now, but when I do come out I will be quite open about it. There's no real way to be stealth as a non-binary person, so that's not really a possibility. Even on the trans masc side of things, I don't think I'd ever be able to be stealth nor do I really want to be. For one, my transition plans don't exactly allow for it particularly, but also, while being referred to as male is highly preferable to being referred to as female, if I can have control over it, I won't be seen as strictly either.

16. I think I stand with the majority when I say that the only concern I can think of around transitioning is transphobia. Especially with my classmates, because while some of them are amazing (hello the whole five of you here) there's a lot of casual transphobia and explicit mockery of non-binary people at my school. It's one of the reasons I really hope our pride group continues when I start back at Sixth Form in September, because I feel like we could do a lot to combat that.

17. I mean, I guess I basically went over fear of rejection in 16, but I guess I could extend on that by explaining why I don't really mention my dad in regards to all this. Basically, I haven't come out to him about anything regarding my queer identity. This isn't necessarily because of him being explicitly homophobic or transphobic (he's never said anything homophobic ever and seemingly supports my going to pride events), it's mostly because our relationship is somewhat distant. We don't have an awful lot to do with each other outside of sharing interests. And he tends to be averse to anything "new". So, yes, I fear that if I came out to my father about being non-binary he would react by either ignoring it or me or not believing me.

20. September 2016 vs Today, June 2020

21. Something I'm most proud of relating to being trans... ooh! Probably the time I went out for lunch with my mum and my granny (who is basically deaf) and being called "sir" and "young man" by two different waiters while mum went to the toilet. The reason that's such an amazing moment for me is because I was feeling extremely dysphoric about how long my hair was getting, so I wasn't even making any attempt to look at all masculine. 

22. Things that make me euphoric are binding, people saying my name, listening to recordings of my voice (a lot of the time it sounds a lot more androgynous than I expect) and seeing photos of myself in cosplay.

23. Music. Very generic! Um... I have a Spotify playlist of songs to listen to when I feel dysphoric. Speaking of Spotify playlists, most of them are based on ships or characters. My username is seltudoor. I have a rather large record collection and an old record player/radio/cassette player that used to be my dad's that I think is from the 80s. Everything else you know! Classic rock, Sinatra and all that.

24. Freddie Mercury is the love of my life (HA!) and my role model. I have put into words why somewhere on my music blog, but I can't exactly remember. It goes a bit deeper than that he wasn't afraid to be true to himself. I also have an entire post about my trans role model Lou Sullivan that I made last June. In short, he was the first trans man to medically transition as an openly gay man who was also a badass, though I mainly say that because towards the end of his life (he died from AIDS complications) he wrote that, although the medical system didn't recognise him as a gay man, it seemed as though he was going to die like one.

25. Weirdest fact about me. Hmm... not sure I have any weird facts. My bookshelf organisation has two aspects to it that I don't think I've seen anyone else have. I group them by genre and order them by publication date from earliest to latest.

26. Things that cross my mind a lot. The fact that I should really be doing some writing instead of reading another fanfiction or watching another YouTube video that spoils most of Merlin for me. I don't know really.

27. You can win my heart by having a presence that makes me feel like I can happy stim in front of you whilst we watch something together, by accepting the fact that you will probably come second to my fandoms/obsessions a lot of the time, by allowing me to be touchy and clingy at random moments for often a long period of time, by not judging that I can't do "normal everyday things" and helping me with them and by being weird. 

28. My mum, @maestrowave​, @in3ffable-husbands​, @fandom-0bsession​ and everyone else in my active group chats on Instagram, @britpop-bowie​, @esperata​ and some other people.

29. I don't know what I'm most scared of. 

30. I think I'm mostly happy. I have great friends, my education is probably headed in a direction that will allow me to progress into an industry I've wanted to work in since I was 9 and in two years' time I will hopefully be at uni and able to experiment with my transition without worrying about what my parents think.

[vortexofentertainment]

Can you do a hollstein fic of one of them having a family? Like the first 5 years! :)

Hi! So… I started writing this prompt and it was SO FUN and I decided to turn it into a multichapter fic instead of a one-shot. Thank you so much! And there will be more to come:)

Chapter One: The Birth

Carmilla never in her wildest dreams thought that she would be a mother. She also never thought that she would be human again, but here she was, standing in a hospital waiting room with a beating heart, pacing the floor with her wife as Laura rambled on and on about some nonsense to cover up the worry that was eating away at her.

“You would think that the vending machine in the maternity ward would be functional. I’m sure there are plenty of mothers that would love chocolate right about now and will they get any? No. Because the vending machine is broken and I just feel so sorry for them. They’re going through a lot of pain right now and-”

Carmilla stopped in front of Laura and rested her hands on each side of her wife’s face to get her to focus. Laura’s eyes met hers and she lifted her eyebrows a bit.

“Do you want me to go to the gift shop and get you some chocolate?”

“No,” Laura replied. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. “No, I’m fine.”

“Good,” Carmilla smiled. She pulled Laura into her, wrapping her arms around her neck. “Everything’s going to be okay.”

They had been through it all. The classes, the home study, the background check (which was super tricky with Carmilla’s long, LONG, history of… well… being alive), counseling, finding a birth mother, and so on. Three years later and they were finally here.

They got the call around 3 a.m. Carmilla had jumped out of bed when Laura smacked her arm and told her it was time. They had been waiting for seven hours. Carmilla couldn’t comprehend what the pain of a seven-hour labor would feel like, and she had been killed.

“What if she changes her mind?” Laura asked in a whisper.

It broke Carmilla’s heart. Laura was so excited about all of this. Not to say Carmilla wasn’t, but Laura’s level of excitement always tended to exceed the normal person’s limit. She had done all the research and then some, read all the websites, talked thoroughly with the counselor, cried, screamed, and even gone a little crazy with the baby shopping.

“She’s not going to,” Carmilla answered.

She really hoped she was telling the truth. Once the baby was placed with them, they just had to wait for the mother’s revocation of consent period to pass. Carmilla was confident that the counseling for the birthmother and birthfather had prepared them. Even though Laura was more into the whole relationship thing with the birthparents, Carmilla had her sources to know whether or not they were trustworthy.

The soft chimes in the waiting room made her heart stop. It was honestly still a weird sensation for Carmilla but in a good way. She pulled away from Laura, both wide-eyed and nervous, to look at her.

“Does that mean?” Laura asked as she looked around the empty waiting room as if their baby was just going to appear.

“I think we just became mothers,” Carmilla said as Laura looked back at her.

She leaned forward and captured Laura’s lips. It was a slow kiss. One that was full of love and joy.

When Laura pulled away, Carmilla was immediately being pulled down the hallway and towards the nursery. She watched as her wife pressed her face up to the glass in anticipation. She couldn’t help but feel that she needed to capture this moment. So, sneakily, she pulled her phone out and started to record.

She watched as Laura’s eyes lit up and she turned to see the nurse bringing in a baby boy, wrapped in a blanket and setting him in a small crib with the name ‘Hollis’ written across it.

She slowly lowered her phone and instead reached out for Laura’s hand.

“That’s him,” Laura whispered. She sniffled a bit and wiped the tears away with her open hand. “That’s our baby boy.”

“Oh my god,” Carmilla exhaled.

She had never felt so much love in her body before. Every instinct she had was to protect that little life any way that she could. She would never, EVER, let anyone or anything harm him in any way. She would kill anyone who even considered it.

The nurse looked up and smiled at them. They had spoken briefly when they arrived, going over the plan and process one last time. She motioned for them to wait, and not a few seconds later she was standing next to Laura, inviting them inside the nursery.

Laura squeezed Carmilla’s hand, but she made sure to stay a few paces back. Laura was itching to get in there, the nerves were starting to seize Carmilla.

She watched as her wife bent over the crib with a smile.

“Can I pick him up?” Laura asked the nurse in a soft voice.

“Of course, just be sure to support his head,” the nurse answered. She looked at Carmilla briefly, probably noting the terrified look on her face. “You could take pictures if you’d like. This is a pretty big moment.”

Carmilla nodded, happy to take any sort of direction.

She pointed her phone at Laura as she reached down, ever so gently, and slid her hands under the newborn. She supported his head correctly, as Carmilla was sure she would, as she lifted him up in her arms.

Laura looked over at Carm with pure happiness. Carmilla had never seen her wife so joyful. It made the knot in her stomach twist ease just a bit.

“Come here,” Laura said quietly to Carmilla.

The nurse reached for her phone. “Here, I can take it from here,” she smiled politely.

Carmilla swallowed hard as she let the phone leave her hand. She took a step closer to Laura, wiping her sweaty hands on her thighs.

“Isn’t he perfect?” Laura asked, looking away from the boy for just a second to study Carmilla.

She was sure Laura could feel her nervousness and uncertainty. She had always had a knack for picking up when Carmilla was out of sorts.

Carmilla peered over Laura’s shoulder and at the little face that was looking back up at her. She knew that he couldn’t really see her. She was just a blob to him. But she could have sworn he looked straight into her soul.

His features were so small. His eyes were a deep blue. His hair was so light he looked completely bald. His nose was perfect and even the little red mark on his forehead seemed perfect. There was nothing Carmilla could pick out that she didn’t think was utterly and completely perfect.

“Do you want to hold him?” Laura asked, turning to Carmilla again.

Carmilla hesitated. What if she dropped him? What if she didn’t support his head right? How badly could she mess up this perfect little baby?

She searched Laura’s face, looking for any kind of indication that she doubted her abilities to be a mother. Carmilla couldn’t find it. Laura had that usual look of complete trust she got when looking at Carmilla. She would never understand what she did to deserve it.

“You’re going to be fine,” Laura reassured her. “Just hold out your arms.”

Carmilla did as she was told again. Laure gently put the boy in Carmilla’s arm. Carmilla felt her nudge the outside of her right elbow to support his head just a bit more. She eased it up until Laura’s hand dropped away.

“See?” Laura asked with a gentle smile.

Carmilla’s heart melted. Her insides turned to goo and her world seemed to stop spinning around only Laura. Suddenly she had two things in her life worth living for. She was holding her son. She was actually holding a baby that she would raise with her wife.

If someone would have told her three hundred some odd years ago that this would be happening to her, she would have laughed in their face. Not only did she not want children, but gay marriage was years in the future. On top of that, settling down was not in her original plan. Not until Elle, and then not again until Laura.

She couldn’t have been happier. She felt whole in a way that she didn’t think was possible.

“What are we going to call this little tyke?” the nurse asked while handing Carmilla’s phone to Laura.

Carmilla rolled her eyes but couldn’t help but smile. It took a lot of debating to finally settle on a name.

Laura wanted to name him after her father, Sherman, which Carmilla shut down quickly. She was okay with the Karnstein name not moving past her. It had too much of a gruesome history. But Laura insisted, and when Laura was set on something she usually got it.

“Silas,” Laura answered with a grin. “Silas Karnstein Hollis.”

**

“Laura, he’s fine,” Carmilla said for probably the thousandth time that day.

She watched as Laura tugged on the straps holding Silas in the carrier. He was fast asleep with a bit of drool hanging from his bottom lip. Laura, however, had been a ball of energy since they left the hospital yesterday to prepare everything at the house for his arrival.

Now, today was the day they were getting to take him home. He was only twenty-eight hours old and Carmilla knew there was a welcoming committee waiting eagerly for them to arrive.

“I think I’m going to sit back here, just to be safe,” Laura nodded as she looked at Carmilla.

“Perfect,” Carmilla told her. She looked at Silas one last time and then back at Laura who was gnawing on her bottom lip. “I’ll drive super slow, okay?”

“You better,” Laura warned her with a grin.

Carmilla leaned in to give her wife a short kiss on the lips before closing the backseat door and getting behind the wheel.

After adjusting her mirror, she slowly put the car in drive and eased on the gas.

Driving certainly wasn’t Carmilla’s strong-suit. Not as far as cars go. Put her on a motorcycle and she could drive for days. But a car? It was just too big for her. It made her uncomfortable. But she couldn’t imagine Laura getting behind the wheel right now either. Honestly, they probably should have called LaFontaine or Perry for a ride home.

She kept to her word and took it slow. Extremely slow. A thirty-minute ride turned into an easy fifty-five-minute ride with a lot of honking and swearing from surrounding drivers. Carmilla bit her tongue and stayed focused.

“Home,” Carmilla exhaled as she put their car in park in the driveway. She got out quickly and opened the door for Laura.

“He’s still fast asleep,” Laura said as she eased out of the car. She leaned back in to start undoing the car seat.

“I’m going to go on in and tell the others to keep it down.” Carmilla peered over Laura’s shoulder. “Can you handle this?”

“I got it, I got it. Just grab his bag from the front seat before you go.”

Carmilla smirked and did exactly what Laura asked her to do. When she walked into their house, she was greeted with a loud, “WELCOME HOME!” from all of their friends.

“That is exactly what I came to tell you not to do,” Carmilla mumbled.

She looked around her kitchen. Someone had taken Laura’s whiteboard and written ‘Welcome home, Silas!’ in big rainbow letters across it. Kirsch, LaFontaine, and Perry were all wearing party hats while Mel and Danny sat at the table by the cake.

“Oh, were we too loud?” Perry asked in a quiet whisper.

“Yes, he’s asleep and we’d like to keep it that way for now,” Carmilla told them all. She dropped his diaper bag to the side and was about to go help Laura when she turned and saw her wife walking into the room slowly.

“Here he is,” she said in that soft gentle voice Carmilla was starting to love even more.

The chorus of soft, “Awes,” was something that would have made her sick before. Now, she couldn’t be more proud that they were all cooing over her son. He was pretty fucking adorable if she did say so herself.

Laura placed the carrier with Silas still in it on the dining room table. Everyone gathered around him as Laura slipped past them all to Carm. She wrapped her arms around Carm’s waist.

“I guess they cleaned off my five-year plan,” she said as she looked over at the whiteboard.

“I think it was time for an update anyway,” Carmilla replied. She looked down at Laura who smiled back at her.

“Are you happy?” Laura asked seriously, searching Carmilla’s face for any sign that she wasn’t.

“Of course I am,” Carmilla answered. “I have you, I have our son…”

“Our son,” Laura exhaled as if she wanted to see how the words tasted in her mouth for the first time. “We have a son.”

“We do.”

“Do you think there’s really a point in making another five-year plan?”

“I think we’re on his terms now,” Carmilla chucked.

A tiny cry caused the group to disperse from around Silas. Their group of friends looked at the two mothers.

“I think our son is hungry,” Laura said as she let go of Carmilla and went to get Silas from his carrier.

“Our son…” Carmilla said to herself, with a smile creeping on her lips.

It really did have a nice ring to it.

[seouledbysisi]

A Time Like No Other

Chapter 26

While in New York Monsta X were preparing to host a fan meet party.

Nori pulled out some outfits for Misun to help her with. “What exactly do you wear to something like this?”

Misun shrugged. “I don’t think it really matters what we wear because we’re not in the spotlight. We just need to get good footage of them.”

“I still want to be cute!”

Misun shook her head. “For Jooheon?”

“Well yeah! You mean to tell me you don’t want to look cute for Minhyuk or is it Shownu today?” Nori joked.

“That’s not funny at all. Me and Shownu are in a really good space right now. We’re friends and that’s how I want to keep it!”

“Could’ve fooled me! You bout had a heart attack when you seen him and Elle together at the restaurant.” Nori continued.

“That doesn’t mean I want him, I just want to be apart of who he chooses to be with. I want my replacement to be worth his time.” She shrugged.

Nori chuckled. “You know you can’t do that though, right?”

“I just want him to be happy. I don’t want to see a woman hurt him. That would kill me!” Misun stared at the ground. She knew she sounded selfish and legit crazy but Shownu was precious to her and if she wasn’t going to be with him she wanted someone who she actually agreed with to be with him.

Nori grabbed her hands. “I know Shownu means a lot to you but you have to loosen your grip on him. Otherwise Minhyuk won’t understand what’s happening. You’re sending mixed signals baby girl.”

Misun looked up at her in confusion. “Mixed signals?!”

“That’s a conversation you need to have with Minnie.” Nori told her and walked to the bathroom.

Misun simply sighed and finished getting dressed. She decided to put some effort into her look since Nori was.

Nori rushed out of the bathroom. “How do I look? Is my hair okay?” She had curled it a bit.

Misun nodded. “You’ve never looked better. So I was thinking we could pick a few fans from each city and maybe do a Q&A with them. What do you think?”

“Sounds good to me. It’ll be random which is even better!”

Fan Meet Party

The guys were in a holding room waiting for the party to begin. There were even refreshments being served to the lucky fans who had got tickets.

Nori and Misun met the guys in the holding room.

“Hey everyone!” Nori exclaimed as she grabbed a chip out of Wonho’s bag. He didn’t mind, he shared with everyone.

Misun simply waved.

Shownu watched her for moment, wondering why she wasn’t interacting with Minhyuk very much.

Elle waved in front of his face. “Well you’re in a daze!”

“Sorry I was a bit distracted.” He answer with a smirk.

“If I didn’t know any better I’d say Misun was your ex.” She giggled.

Hyungwon burst out laughing.

Elle gave Shownu a knowing look. “Oh my gosh, she is isn’t she? She’s the one you’re kind of stuck on?!”

Shownu shook his head. “We’re just really close. Change the subject, please.”

Elle got quiet and nodded her head. She knew something had transpired between Shownu and this woman and she was dying to know what it was. He intrigued her and she couldn’t figure out what it was. Maybe it was because he was a mystery. She wanted to dig deeper into him and figure him out.

Hyungwon bit into a snack cake. “If you’re trying to get more information out of him you probably won’t. He doesn’t really talk about his feelings.”

Shownu had walked away from them.

“Silly me for trying, right?” She said under her breath.

Shownu sat beside Minhyuk. “Why are you always alone now?” He asked him.

“Just trying to stay out of everyone’s way. I don’t want to be known as the group’s troublemaker.” Minhyuk looked away.

Shownu shook his head. “You’re never a troublemaker. If anything you’re the energy that keeps us going. We need you back. The real you! What else is bothering you? Why haven’t you made a move yet?”

“Because I’m not sure if I want to.” Minhyuk revealed.

Shownu shoved his arm. “I didn’t give her up for you to sit on your feelings! Get it together, Minhyuk!”

“I’d be competing with you and I’m not doing that. Her whole attitude changed when you walked into the restaurant with Elle. Y’all aren’t even dating so imagine how she’d react if it was someone you were dating?!” Minhyuk pushed his hair back.

Shownu burst into laughter. “You think I’m competition?! You really don’t know how much you’ve affected her. I highly doubt she cared that I was with Elle, the other managers were there too. Elle kind of rubbed her the wrong way with all of her questions. That’s why she’s acting like that. It has nothing to do with me and Elle.”

Minhyuk sighed. “I didn’t know that. I thought she had gotten jealous or something. I feel so stupid.”

“Just talk to her.”

“Yeah but then there’s Kihyun in my ear who is really against me even liking her. He called it a school boy crush.” Minhyuk revealed to Shownu.

Shownu shook his head. “I’ll talk to him. You’re always hanging in there for everyone and worrying about everyone’s feelings so now we need to be considerate of you.”

“I just don’t know, Shownu. I’ve already made a mess of things and I understand that you’ve gotten over it but some them haven’t. We’re a team and I have to put them first.” Minhyuk looked towards Misun. She looked so pretty today. He could tell she was out of her element. He wished that it was simple for them but it just wasn’t and sadly it might not ever be. He saw how happy Jooheon was and he wanted that too but not at the cost of this team. He couldn’t stand to do that.

Shownu thought for a moment. “No one really cares but Kihyun and he tries to micromanage all of our lives so you’ve gotta do this for yourself. I know you love her, so now it’s time to act like it. Kihyun will be fine, besides I’m the captain of this ship!” He winked and walked away.

After a few minutes Elle went out to the main room with the fans. She grabbed the mic and began to talk. “What’s up New York Monbebe!” She yelled.

The fans went wild! They began to chant the guys names. Son Shownu, Lee Wonho, Lee Minhyuk, Yoo Kihyun, Chae Hyungwon, Lee Jooheon, Im Changkyun.

The guys were getting pumped as they listened to their names. The energy was amazing.

“Gosh, monbebe are the best fans in the world! Give it up for Monsta X!” Elle introduced.

The guys all ran into the room waving and joining in the noise with their fans.

Misun and Nori had their cameras out and began to film certain parts of the party.

Changkyun grabbed the mic. “How you doing Monbebe!?”

The fans yelled some more.

“It’s always good to see you guys. We love spending time with you and it’s so cool today because we’ve never had this kind of fan meet where we can eat with you guys, play games and just be normal guys.” He continued.

Minhyuk grabbed the mic. “We wouldn’t want to share this moment with anyone else!”

Shownu walked up to one of the Monbebes and grabbed a piece of her food. “I’m so hungry!” He laughed. The Monbebe lost her mind simply from him helping himself to her food.

Misun kneeled beside a Monbebe. She pulled a recording mic out and began to talk to her. “What’s your name and age?”

The Monbebe smiled big into the camera. “I’m Erica. I’m 18 years old.”

“Are you a college student?” Misun asked with a huge smile.

She nodded. “This is my first year in college. I’m studying to become a psychologist!”

Misun stood for a moment. “Hey guys!” She yelled to get Monsta X’s attention. The guys looked her way. “This is miss Erica and she’s starting her first year of college. She wants to be a psychologist. Can we make some Monsta noise for her?!”

The guys all clapped and ran over to the girl congratulating her for continuing her education.

“So whose your bias?” Jooheon asked the girl. He was always wanting the attention. It was apart of him.

The girl became super shy. “I like you all.”

Jooheon shook his head. “No no no. You have to pick. It’s me, right?” He chuckled.

The guys hit him across his shoulder.

“If I have to choose it would be Minhyuk.” She covered her face from embarrassment.

Minhyuk began to grin hard and pulled her into a tight hug. “Thank you so much.” He voiced.

Misun patted her back. “Good choice!”

They wrapped the fan meet up after a hour.

The guys changed out of their clothes that had been styled for them and put on something comfortable. The managers helped the guys carry all of their things out to the van.

The girls all ended up on a separate van. Misun was very quiet.

Elle wanted to speak to them but she already felt like she wasn’t very liked.

Nori pulled her phone out to look at the time. “That was pretty fun!”

Misun nodded. “It was. It didn’t seem like work even though we are working.”

Elle glanced over at them. When they noticed her she looked down.

“Is there something you want to say?” Nori asked. It was a bit annoying with the way she kept looking at them.

Elle took a deep breath. “I know I’m the new girl and I don’t expect y’all to befriend me or anything. I just hope I haven’t offended you in anyway.”

Misun stared out the window. She really hadn’t gave this girl a chance at all. She kind of felt bad. “You’re good. I’m a bit slow-to-warm sometimes that’s all.” She still didn’t want her with Shownu though!

Nori nodded. “Yeah. I just be caught up with working and being up under Jooheon that I just never really gave you a chance. Sorry. How was your first event?”

Elle smiled. “It was good. The guys have such a pure love for their fans. They seemed so natural.”

“It’s really amazing to watch.” Misun stated with a smile.

“And Shownu really has a way of keeping his team together.” Elle added.

Misun nodded. This girl must really have a thing for Shownu. “Yep he does.” She responded.

Nori squeezed her hand.

They finally made it to the hotel. The guys were in the lobby.

Jooheon grabbed Nori’s arm. “We’re ordering food and gonna eat it in the room.”

Nori nodded. “I’ll be there. Let me get settled in.”

“Okay, what do you want?” Jooheon asked.

Nori thought for a moment. “Just get me a burger with fries.”

He nodded and they went their separate ways.

Misun laid across her bed. “I guess I’ll see you later on.”

Nori sighed. “It’s not like you can’t come too.”

“I don’t want to be third wheeling it tonight.” Misun giggled.

“Minhyuk will be there! They’re sharing a room.” Nori rolled her eyes.

Misun shook her head. “Nope. Even more reason for me to stay here. I’ll watch some tv till I fall asleep.”

Nori shrugged and left out the room.

About ten minutes later Misun’s phone pinged. It was a picture of a plate of food. Wanna share this Citrus Grilled Tilapia with me?

It was from Minhyuk. Instead of responding back she simply grabbed her room key and headed to his room. Might as well. Beats being alone. When she arrived Nori and Jooheon were sitting on his bed grubbing.

Misun took a seat in the computer desk. “Is it good?” She asked them.

“So good! Want a bite?” Nori asked as she stretched her arm out with the burger in her hand.

Misun walked over and took a bite. She nodded. “It’s good.”

Minhyuk cleared his throat. “This is yours.” He pointed down to the plate. “I know you eat healthy and all.”

Misun smiled. “Thanks for being so considerate, I would’ve at whatever. I’m grateful you thought of me.”

Minhyuk smiled and patted the side of his bed. “Always.”

Misun’s phone began to ring. It was her mom. “Hey mommy!”

Her mom hesitated. “You’re in the states right?”

“Yes? What’s up?”

“Well your dad is having an emergency surgery in a couple of days and they say it could be dangerous. Do you think you could come here?” Her mom asked.

Misun’s eyes began to fill with tears. “For sure. Let me work some things out. I’ll call you back!” She dropped the phone onto the bed and stared into space.

Nori rushed over to her. “What’s wrong?!”

At that point she broke down. “My dad has to have some type of major surgery and my mom said it could be dangerous. I don’t even know what’s going on, Nori!”

Minhyuk rubbed her shoulder. “Do you need to go home?”

She nodded.

“I’ll call our company and see if they can arrange you a flight out of here tomorrow. I’m going to come with you!” Nori told her absolutely.

Misun shook her head. “No you’re not. Our company will never go for that. One of us needs to be with them. You have to stay!”

“You shouldn’t have to go alone though!” Nori was frustrated. She knew that the job had to be done but she didn’t want to send Misun away to deal with this alone.

Minhyuk raised his hand. “I’ll go. You’re not going alone. I’m sure these guys can handle a couple of days without me.”

Misun looked over at him. She was shocked that he even volunteered himself.

[iheartgrayson]

making friends | grayson dolan

💘FLUFFY💘

Ever since the twins made the video collab with the Ace Family, meeting and watching Elle, Grayson wanted to interact her to your baby girl, Remington. He believed that the two girls would make the perfect friends since they were almost together in the age, they had the same exact personality and because you guys didn't have any friends that had kids Grayson wanted Remi to make one so she could go on playdates.

Sharing the same thoughts with your boyfriend and because you adored Well, being a fantastic Ace Family member, you agreed to schedule a playdate between the two girls. Catherine and Austin was going to drop Elle in any minute now; you had also begged to leave Alaïa too but they were going to the doctors for her monthly check up.

You were baking cookies while Grayson was watching Remington and Ethan was fixing the camera so he could be able to record something from the day with the two girls. Two minutes later the doorbell rang and you saw from the kitchen as Grayson scoot up Remi and walked to the door.

“Hey guys!!” Grayson's deep and extremely happy voice boomed through the whole house.

“Oh my Goodness. Look at this beautiful girl.” Catherine said as she saw Remington in person for the first time and waved her hand. The four of them walked inside the house and went to the living room and you also joined them. “Hi, Remington. I'm Catherine.”

You watched as Remington nodded her head as he finger was on her mouth and a smile smile on her heart shaped lips before she buried her head on Grayson's neck. They all laughed before Grayson turned her body to face Elle. “Look baby, look. Elle came to play with you.”

At the mention of her name, Elle's eyes lighten up and pointed to herself. “Elle, Elle.” She repeated over and over again.

Remington rolled off Grayson's lap but never leaving his hand and stood in front of the elder girl. “Rem.” She said in a tiny whisper and waved to the other girl. Remington was not able to say other words than momma, dada, yes, no, E and Rem, being only 1,5 years old, so the communication would be limited.

“Oh my God, she is gorgeous.” Austin commented as he was rocking Alaïa who was a bit fussy.

“Elle and Alaïa are beautiful too. I'm Y/N, nice to meet you.” You said and offered your hand at the two others who gladly shook it.

“Thank you.” Austin said and smiled. “I really want one picture all together, can you?”

“Of course.” You all said and after making the three girls settle down all of you took couple pictures for your fans.

“So, we will be back in an hour or so. We don't want to tire you more.” Catherine said.

“Well, it's our pleasure to have Elle here. She and Remi would be best friends in no time. I am sure for that.” You said and smiled as the couple nodded their heads and walked back to the car leaving Elle to play with Remi.

Grayson was going to be with them until they would both be okay with each other. “Girls, do you want to play?” He asked them while Ethan started filming.

“Dada.” Remi shouted and pulled Grayson's sleeve so they could go to her room where her toys were. Santa brought her a lot new ines and she wanted to share them with Elle. Grayson got up from the couch and suddenly Remi stopped and turned to Elle, who was a bit shy and unsure at first, as she smiled and grabbed her hand gently before the three of them walked to the room.

You followed behind, wanting to see your daughter interact with other kids, and saw Remi offering her the one doll of the two Santa brought her and a bottle with milk as she took the other and they sat on the small purple couch the twins thought would be a fantastic idea to have.

Remington looked at Elle with her wide hazel eyes, taking everything detail her little brain was able to understand before she turned her attention on the baby. “Are you good girls?” Grayson asked them.

“Yeah.” They both said and Elle eyed Ethan with the camera and giggled and waved her little hand saying a small audible ‘ace family’ as she turned her head at Remi and patted her shoulder so she could get her attention and pointed at the camera.

Remington giggled too and then got up walking to the mini trampoline on the corner of the room, the doll thrown on the ground, and yelled at Elle. “Hey, E.” She made grabby hands and Elle followed her and they with the help and support of Grayson got up and started jumping, the whole room filled with their cute giggles and laughs.

“Oh my God, Remington is so happy.” You pointed out more to yourself but Ethan who was standing next to you heard you anyway.

“Yep! Her whole face lightened up!”

“I know.” You nodded your head. “I was a bit nervous truth to be told because she was never around other kids and I believed she would be extra shy and she would be hiding behind Grayson but look at her, she made her first friend today.”

“Thank God she didn't take from her dad and uncle who didn't have any friends.” Ethan laughed as he turned off the camera and check the material he had selected in the little time he was recording.

“Shut up!” you hit playfully his shoulder before turning your attention back to the trio on the corner. The two girls watched with wide eyes as Grayson was telling something at them and suddenly the two girls started running with their little legs outside the room, your daughter not even seeing you or her uncle, and heard Grayson chuckling. “What did you say to them?”

“I said that we should play with slime.” Grayson explained and there was a loud whine from you. You hated slime for the only reason you were never able to remove it from nowhere and now you were sure that the girls would throw it somewhere.

“You clean it up.” You pointed a finger in his chest before Grayson with a side smile walked outside the room and grabbed the slime from his hidden place and walked to the table where the girls were trying to sit on the chairs.

You went and placed each one on the chairs before Grayson. gave them the purple slime. Elle's whole face shining like crazy at the look of it. She loved slime too much for her own good. “Look girls. it says that we can blow on it.” Grayson talked to them and grabbed something that looked like it was probably a straw and started blowing on the purple slime making giant bubbles while the two girls burst into a fit of giggles. “It's funny right?”

The two girls looked at each other and started laughing again, their laugh seemed like it was a fake one and it was extremely adorable, and went to grab the slime and Grayson gave it to them.

“Oh, the cookies are ready.” You announced as the clock on the kitchen went off and went to take the cookies off the oven. They looked extra yummy and delicious and they were your favorite ones, chocolate cookies; the recipe was yours and made everyone lick their fingers.

“Coochies?” Elle said surprised. “Coochies? Are ryeddy?”

“Yes, beautiful. They are ready.” You said and placed the plate full with cookies on the table making everyone lick their lips from just the smell. “But first, let's clean our hands okay?”

One by one you helped the girls clean their hands before you returned to the table where Grayson and Ethan had already stole by one cookie. You caught them and when they saw you they stopped chewing but you could clearly see their mouth full. “That's why Santa doesn't bring you presents, right girls? They are bad boys.”

“Bad, bad.” Ellen yelled.

“Ba.” Remi tried to say as well and went to her dad to pick her up while Ethan helped Elle. Four arms reached immediately the plate with cookies and grabbed two for each one, making you laugh at how much hungry the two toddlers appeared. Well, even if they had eaten like ten minutes ago a full plate of whatever there would still be an empty space for cookies.

“Amazing.” Ellen talked with Remi, saying a lot of gibberish words under their breath. It seemed like they made their own baby code to communicate and it made you smile non stop.

“I believe we should make a video with Remi and Elle.” Ethan exclaimed suddenly; it was a good idea but how could they possibly do with two hyperactive toddlers that seemed to have a problem to understand what they wanted the elders to do?

“Good idea, but what about?” You were the only to answer him even though you didn't make the videos rather than stand behind the camera and watch the twins do it; sometimes you could be a guest star in one of their challenges or squad videos or even when it something they wanted to do with Remington.

“How about like going to a carnival with them?” Grayson pointed out; his eyes never leaving the two girls that were sitting in the middle of the table doing their own things.

“Well, yeah, why not?” Ethan shrugged his shoulders and then your phone vibrated on your pocket. Taking it out you saw that it was your mother that was calling so you walked to the garden to talk privately.

“I have an idea girls.” Ethan said loudly to get their attention but they didn't bother. With a frustrating sign he spoke again. “Who wants ice cream?”

“Oh no! Ethan no!” Grayson's eyes went wide at the mention of ice cream, super aware that the weather was a bit harsh for ice cream especially for the two tiny girls in front of him, but it was too late because his brother brought the two black ice creams he had brought couple days ago for himself and gave each one to Remi and Elle who at the sight of the ice creams threw the cookies away.

Grayson rolled his eyes as he face palmed himself and groaned under his breath. He prayed that they would be both okay and not get sick and of course he prayed that you would not be mad at him; after all it was not his fault. “Remi seems to like Elle. I knew she will be friends with her in no time. I know my daughter very well.” He seemed proud while talking.

Ethan watched his younger brother with a annoyed look before rolling his eyes. “Jesus, they know exactly who the fans used to call daddy and dad material.” He joked.

“I will take that as a compliment.”

“Don't flatter yourself.”

“Dada. Dada.” Remington got Grayson's attention, showing the stick that remained from the ice cream so he could take it from her and throw it away. Thankfully, the ice creams were small compared to the ones that Ethan usually eats.

Grayson grabbed the stick Remi was giving him and then Elle also gave it to him since she also finished. He was about to throw them away and get a clean rag to clean the girls mouths but your sudden appearance made him stop in his actions.

You were smiling but as soon as your eyes landed on the girls it dropped. “What happened to them?” You asked Grayson who avoided eye contact and went to the kitchen. Walking towards them you repeated the question. “Remi, Elle what happened to your faces?”

“Don't know.” Elle said.

“You don't know?” You laughed, they were adorable even with the black liquid all over their mouth. Remi even got on her shirt.

“E, ice cream.” Elle said again.

“Ice cream? You ate ice cream?”

“Yeah, E.”

“E?” You asked confused until you understood. “Ethan gave them to you?”

“E. E. E.” Remington started clapping her small hands at the mention of her uncle's name.

“Well, you look too damn cute to get mad. Let me get a picture.” You took out your phone and went straight to the camera. “Girls, smile.” Within seconds both of them started posing for the camera, putting up a wide smile on their lips and then hugging each other making your heart burst with small hearts. “Oh my God!”

“Aw,” Grayson's voice started you. “Aw, guys you are so freaking cute. You're killing me.”

“Well, we have a lot of good things to blackmail Remington when she starts her rebellious phase.

“Let me tell you that my daughter will never be a rebel. She is too freaking good for her own good.” Grayson said and hugged you from behind just as you watched the girls grabbing the cookies again and started eating. “So, I'm gonna throw up just watching them have another one. How can they still manage to eat so much?”

“A mystery.” Leaning on Grayson's hard chest you hummed slightly as he rocked your bodies.

“Babe, I want another one.”

“What?” Your eyebrows raised in confusion.

“I want another baby.”

Chuckling you patted gently his shoulder. “Well, mate suit yourself with Remington because this factory is closed for business till she is at least ten years old. Or at least when we like plan on having another.” You pointed towards your vagina making Grayson roll his eyes before nodding with a sigh.

Remington was never planned but she was the best gift life could give you and you would never trade her for anything in the entire whole world.

Ethan's figure appeared from the hall, barely missing him. “Hey, Mister. If I catch you in my hands you're a dead man.” You warned him and after grabbing what he wanted he run fast to his room as he yelled and ‘i love you too’ making you and Grayson laugh.

One hour later as promised, Catherine and Austin came to pick up Elle who was a bit furious to leave her new friend so fast but you all promised them that soon they would play again. But before they left, you had the chance to take in your arms Alaïa that you so bad wanted to hold.

Even though you send to Grayson that you didn't plan to have another baby any time soon you had to admit that seeing a infant always made your heart beat increase and let's not talk about that oh so sweet smell all babies seemed to have which made you crazy about. You took couple photos before giving her to Grayson who also took a pics using of course and Snapchat filters which made them both even cuter.

Eventually they left and you put Remington on bed, sharing your hugs and kisses and of course one story that Grayson came up with but satisfied his daughter, and went to bed; laying on Grayson's chest. “I lied.”

“Huh?” Grayson asked at your sudden outburst.

“I lied about not wanting a baby.” you started. “I mean I don't want one any time soon but after a year or two let's have another one okay?”

Grayson laughed and kissed your temple. “Of course angel. How can I say no to that when we make such beautiful and adorable babies, huh?”

You smiled and got closer to his embrace and Grayson wrapped tightly his arms around you before you two started drifting into sleep when the door opened suddenly. You looked up to see Ethan standing by the door frame with his arms folded in front of his hard chest.

“If you plan to have another baby please tell me to evacuate the house.”

[hrhduchessoflancaster]

Chapter Eighty-Eight: The Fox Protocol - Part One

A/N: Thank you all so much for your comments! They really brighten up my day. xx Bea

Disclaimer: see Prologue.

__________________________________________________

The next months into the Summer were turbulent. The immediate shock of the news had faded but the bitter aftertaste still hanged on both Harry and Elle’s mouths, specially the way it was handed to them. After the Christening, the couple, baby Arthur and Sir Lancelot had moved to South Hartfield for the time being. Until the media and the government knew what was going on and even after that, Sussex would be their safe heaven away from the public eye. There, they could spend some quality time with baby Arthur, watching him change and grow.

“ Darling, come and look! He’s said something!”, shouted Elle from the living room. Harry came running and saw his wife sitting on the floor with Arthur on her lap as Lancelot played fetch with a tennis ball that Elle would throw at him. And every time he dashed across the room, Arthur would giggle. He sat down beside her, making Arthur turns his head and give his dad a toothless grin.

“ Come on, little bear. Say it again for daddy to hear it.”, urged Elle. The baby watched his mother then his father for a moment before giggling as Lancelot dropped the ball, anxiously waiting for it to be thrown again. Harry took it in his hand and prepared to throw it.

“ Lancelot… fetch!”, he shouted and soon the Jack Russel was running after the ball. Arthur squealed in delight as the dog came back with the ball and clapped his hands.

“ Good boy, Lancelot!”, said Elle, caressing the animals head.

“ Ya! Ya!”, babbled Arthur, making his parents look at him.

“ You did it! You said it again!”, exclaimed Elle grinning. She looked to Harry who was stunned and had a huge smiled plastered on his face.

“ He said something! He did it!”, he said to her. "You said something! You said your almost first word!”, he then said to baby Arthur, picking him up and and lifting him in his arms, making the boy giggle.

“ Although I can’t believe it was our dog’s name…”, he said to his son shaking his head. Arthur didn’t seem to understand his father so he giggled again, making it seem as if he did. Elle smiled and chuckled, walking towards the duo and kissing both of them on the cheek.

“ My boys…”, she said lovingly, hugging Harry’s waist, resting her head on his shoulder as she caressed Arthur’s back.

In a matter of days, a routine had been stablished in the estate and baby Arthur was thriving. The staff and RPO’s were besotted with him. The little boy had captured every one’s hearts. John had come back from his commanding position to reenforce the security around the estate alongside Leo, Alfred and Ingrid. They, of course, knew about the handover process which was, for the next two weeks, a need to know information.

Out of the records, William had already left the line of succession and moved to Norfolk, where he, Kate and the children would remain until everything was properly settled for them in Wales where he’d resume his work as a helicopter pilot. Meanwhile, Harry had begun filling his brother’s shoes as heir to the heir presumptive. The handover process was being called by the Prime Minister, the Privy Council and the security teams as The Fox Protocol.

However much the Queen tried to make amends, Harry’s relationship to William and Charles was strained. They hadn’t talked for weeks. And while Elle understood where her husband was coming from, she also knew that although a little selfish, her brother-in-law was thinking about what was best for his family, as Harry would too had he been in the same situation. Only now, of course, he was. And even though he wanted nothing more than to do exactly what William had done, he wouldn’t back down from this challenge. His mother had taught him as much. As had his grandmother. Albeit reluctantly, he took the task that was handed to him, as did Elle.

“ I know you didn’t sign up for this but I guess that’s our reality now.”, he had said to her one night, after apologising once again for getting her into the mess that was his life.

“ For better, for worse darling. We’re in this together.”, she had replied, taking his hand into hers and squeezing it.

“ I know, my love. But I’d never want our family to be in the centre of attention as it’s about to be. That’s the last I want to do and you know it. I want Arthur to have a somewhat normal childhood.”, said Harry.

“ Of course, darling. And I understand it. But… don’t you think that… considering how it’s going to be from now on, it’s best if we try to adapt and maybe rethink the way we view the media?”, said Elle and Harry gave her a confused look, ready to protest what she was saying.

“ Just hear me out, okay?, she said and he nodded his head.

“ I’ve seen, time and time again, how the media seeks the Royal Family out whenever they can. Now, I may be wrong but I believe that happens because we’re not more open to them and the public. Take the Swedish Royal Family for example. They make documentaries, televise their celebrations, are more transparent with their meetings. And the media doesn’t hunt them down like they do here. I know, I know that the proportions are different but think about it, Harry. Maybe if we have them closer, we could better control them. And they’d wouldn’t need to chase us so badly.”, said Elle.

Harry looked at her for a few moments and pondered over her words. What she had told him was true, as much as he hated to accept and admit it. “Maybe you’re right. But let’s say we try this. Won't we lose our privacy? Our child’s privacy?”, said Harry.

“ We start small. Baby steps, my darling. We can release some pictures and small videos os Arthur and the Christening. Maybe we should have an Instagram account. That’d help. We can talk to Ronald, Daniel and Lisa about that.”, said Elle.

“ I don’t know, Elle. I’m not sure I feel comfortable with that.”, said Harry. She looked at him sighed and caressed his cheek.

“ I know you’re scared, my love. So am I. But we have to think of the future now and how we’re going to manage it. I don’t want us to have to hide or fear paparazzi constantly transpassing our backyard for a picture when we could offer that to them. If we gave the public what they want, and made a deal with the press, we can protect those around us.” said Elle.

“ I need to think about this, okay?”, said Harry and Elle nodded her head. She really hoped he would.

**********

Elle’s parents, brother and Valerie had been nothing but supportive of their current situation. They were, however, concerned about her and her family. After a quick trip to Scotland, Rupert, Victoria and Edward had come for a little stay in Sussex, along with Valerie.

“ I can’t believe this is happening…”, said Victoria as they sat together in the garden, watching Rupert, Edward and Harry walk and play with Arthur.

“ To be honest, it’s been hard to process it, mama.”, replied Elle. “ Will has always been so committed, so focused on his duty and his family that it shocked us all when he told us. None more than Harry.”

“ I can’t imagine what he… what you both have been through. How are you holding up?”, asked Valerie. Elle sighed and looked ahead of her to see Harry giving a smile to Arthur. Nowadays, those smiles were rare and he reserved for Arthur and her.

“ As good as we can.”, she replied. “ We’ve done our best to distance ourselves for a while and focus on Arthur. Meanwhile our staff has been working with the Queen’s and Clarence House’s household to work out the political, social and public process of handover and proper address of the matter.

“ But it’s been hard…”, she continued, bowing her head down and sighing deeply. “ Harry hasn’t really been himself. I know how much this has taken a toll on him. How much he feels betrayed by his brother and father. People he has admired and looked up to his whole life. I also know how much he wants to prove himself…. to prove that he’s capable, that he’s worthy, that he can step into not only into William’s shoes, but also the Queen’s. And that’s a lot to take in.”, she finished with a sigh.

Later that night, after everyone had gone to bed, Elle silently walked to Arthur’s nursery. She had heard him wailing through the baby camera and rushed to his side. The little boy was red faced, throwing his arms up and down.

“ Shhhh… mama is here…shhhh….”, she whispered to him as she picked him up and held Arthur close to her body. She fed him and sang him back to sleep, gently rocking him. Elle held him, watching ad her son slept without a care in the world. She pondered, as she looked at the baby in her arms, at all that had happened in the last year. She had been married, found out she was pregnant, been attacked, her life and Arthur’s life had been put at risk, Colin had been killed in front of her, she and Harry welcomed their baby, they found out Kate had also been a victim of the attack that put her life in danger and finally, William removed himself from the line of succession. Indeed, she could say it had been one hell of a year.

Lost in thought, she didn’t hear or notice Harry entering the room and reaching for her. Once he touched her arm she flinched but sighed, looking at him and smiling.

“ I’ve been looking for you…”, he said, his tone sleepy and worried. “ What’s wrong?”, he asked, sitting on the floor beside the armchair where she currently sat.

“ Nothing, my love. Arthur was crying…”, she replied, making Harry sigh.

“ You had that look on your face when I got here.”, he told her, gently caressing Arthur’s head.

“ What look?”, she asked.

“ That worried, trying to figure out things, look. One that I’ve seen a few times in the last couple of years whenever things get tense.”, he said to her. Sighing, Elle bowed her head and closed her eyes.

“ Hey… hey… look at me.”, Harry said, urging her. “Please, love. Look at me and tell me what’s been bothering you.”

“ I know I've told you I’m here for you and I’ll always be. That we can face this together. But Harry… I’m scared. I’m so scared…”, she said, little teardrops falling from her the corner of her eyes.

“ Oh my love… I am too…”, he confessed, hugging her close to him. “ But we can and we will face this. Where’s my brave wife?”, he said, making her chuckle. Harry kissed her cheeks, wiping away her tears, and gently caressed them.

“ I know with you by my side we can do this. We’re partners, friends, lovers… we can do it. Together.”, he said.

“ You can be so cheesy…”, Elle said chuckling, to which Harry replied with a snort.

“ But you wouldn’t have me any other way.”, he said and she nodded her head smiling at him. They rested their foreheads against each other and sighed. For a while, they remained like so, in complete silence, listening to Arthur’s soft breathing.

“ I’ve given some thought at the media proposal you’ve told me about.”, Harry said breaking the silence.

“ And…?”, she asked.

“ And… I think we can give it a go.”, he said and she smiled. “ But we’ll have to run this through my grandmother, Clarence House and our household first.”

“ Agreed.”, she replied.

************

Over the course of the next few weeks, their staff had met with the Queen’s and the Prince of Wales’ staffs to discuss the handover. It was decided that, by the end of August, Buckingham Palace would officially release an announcement about Prince William’s role and their decision, followed by a nationwide televised message from him. Elle and Harry had two more weeks of peace until then to fully digest what was going to happen. With the Queen’s and Clarence House approval, their household had travelled from London to Sussex to prepare them for the handover, as well as revise the plans for the media proposal Elle had given to their secretaries. Ronald, Lisa and Daniel, along with the key personell in their staff had gathered at South Hartfield to define the details and guidelines of their new policies.

“ Thank you all for coming to Sussex.”, said Harry. “ As you all know, my wife and I will be taking over new roles from now on and we need your support and work to make the process of handover go as smoothly as it can possibly be.”, he continued.

“ That being said, we’ve proposed new guidelines and polices regarding our social media accounts and the public view over our lives. Ronald, Lisa, Daniel… please.”, said Elle.

“ Thank you, Your Royal Highness. It’s been decided that as Their Royal Highnesses will now that seniority over the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge due to Prince William’s removal of the line of succession, new conducts will be set forth.”, Ronald began.

“ Firstly, for the handover of roles and consolidation of the new establishment of Their Royal Highnesses, the Duke and Duchess of Sussex and their heirs, there shall be a meeting at Buckingham Palace where a document will be signed by all senior members of the Royal Family, including her Majesty the Queen, as well as the Privy Council, the Prime Minister and all secretaries of State and ministers of the Crown.”, he continued.

“ Secondly, it’s been decided that there shall be more openness about their daily lives and meetings. The Duke and Duchess of Sussex wish to give the public and the media more transparency in order to avoid chaos and an overflow of paparazzi. Photocalls will be held every summer from now on, as well as during major life events, such as when Prince Arthur starts school. Their Royal Highnesses understand that a certain amount of access goes a long way, especially in keeping the press, and paparazzi on your side.”, Lisa said.

“ With that in mind, Their Royal Highnesses will release a public statement concerning our thoughts and new roles, followed by an interview with Alastair Bruce. All of which, have been approved by the Buckingham Palace and Clarence House.”, said Daniel.

“ Finally, new security protocols have been issued by Buckingham Palace. Sergeant John Morris will resume his post as Head of Security. Sergeants Leonard Jackson, Ingrid Chambers and Alfred Thomas will also resume their services as Royal Protection Officers under his command and will be with the Duke and Duchess at all times in pairs.”, complete Ronald.

“ As of today, this Household will be looking after the future monarchs of the United Kingdom.”, said Ronald.

************

“ You have to talk to him.”, Elle urged Harry as they began packing their things to head back to Kensington. In three days time, the document would be signed, the news would be released and William’s speech would be aired.

“ I… can’t bring myself to do it, Elle.”, said Harry, sitting on the bed and running his fingers through his hair.

“ But you have to.”, she said taking a seat by his side and running her hand up and down his back. “ I know it’s hard. I know you’re still hurt. But he’s your brother. And he’s been going through a lot too. Please, darling… you have to talk to him…”, said Elle.

“ He’s been through a lot? How can he have been through a lot when he had been conspiring for God know how long to throw this bomb over my lap!?”, exclaimed Harry. Elle sighed and shook her head.

“ I’ve been talking to Kate. She said he’s barely sleeping properly, Harry. He feel so guilty for doing that but she said he couldn’t cope anymore. The pressure of being the heir was getting to him. If you think about it, it’s been there his whole life.”, said Elle.

“ Some people aren’t born for this life, my darling and you know it. Was this the best way to opt out from it? No. But I don’t see how William could have done it in any other way. You both never had the choice. Not really. But now, he’s choosing and I think that’s brave of him. To leave all of this behind. You, my love, you could choose to leave it too.”, she said, caressing his cheek, making Harry look at her.

“ But we both know that it has never been an option to you. Backing away is not in your character. It’s part of that duty of a soldier that’s been ingrained into you. And it’s one the reasons why I love you so much. You’re determined and driven to do what you believe is right for the greater good. And that’s why I know you can do this. You can step into your brother’s shoes, and you can make them fit you better. But for God’s sake, you need to talk to him before this goes public. You need to make amends.”, she finished, putting a mobile in his hand.

“ Call him. Please.”, she said, before stepping out of the room. Harry sighed and looked at the phone on his hand. He stared at it for a few minutes before unlocking the screen and pressing William’s contact on the speed dial. It rang a little before he heard his brother on the other side.

“Harry? Harry is that you? Please talk to me… oh God I can’t believe you called…”, William began.

“ Hi Will.”, Harry said.

“ I’m so sorry, Harry… you must know I’ve never meant to cause you any pain… I just…. I just wanted to keep Kate and the children safe…”, William rushed as he spoke.

“ Will…”, started Harry.

“ And I never meant to put you and Elle on the spotlight like that… I… I just need to be out of this… I can’t keep living like this, Harry. It’s too much… too bloody much. And - ”, continued William before Harry cut him.

“ WILL!”, he exclaimed. “ I know. I know why. I understand why. I don’t like how you did it. But I understand it.”, said Harry.

“ Ohhh thank God… thank little brother…”, said William, sounding relieved.

“ However…", said Harry. “ That does not mean I forgive you or will ever forget what you and Pa have done.”

“ I… I understand.”, said William sighing.

“ I’ll support your decision. Elle too. We’ll smile and greet you in front of the cameras. But it’s going to take a while before I can properly see you again. Before we can be a family again. I’m not even sure if we’ll ever be able to be how we were.”, said Harry.

“ Harry I… I’m sorry. I’ll make it up to you. Somehow. I don’t know how I’ll do it, but I will. We all will. I’m sorry, Harry. And please, take care.”, said William.

“ I will. See you in London.”, said Harry.

“ See you then.”, finished William. Harry pressed the red button turning the conversation off and put his phone to the side. Sighing, he looked around the room and walked over to the window. Outside, he could see his staff and Elle, who was holding Arthur in her arms, moving a few suitcases and boxes to the cars. This is it., he thought. This is when everything starts to change.