#he has been done a great disservice haha

[signalhill-if]

≈ — MALIK MOSLEY — he/they — RADIO HOST

For the amount that the citizens of Signal Hill hear his voice, not many people are familiar with Malik. Sure, people feel familiar with him. His low tones introduce the music of the day and speak of hobbies and pastimes the passersby know intimately, and the way he speaks to the mic like an old friend has created a bond between him and them. But they know him. He's never met them. Or many people, for that matter.

Ever since he was young, Malik was fascinated by technology- taking it apart, remixing it, finding way to breathe new life into the decaying husks of old machines. It's no wonder, then, that he retreated so thoroughly into the world of radio. It's as much anonymous as it is celebrity. A perfect contradiction.

Gender: Trans man Sexuality: Bisexual Relationship option? Yes

Appearance Few have ever gotten to see Malik in person, at least since he retreated into secrecy. An air of mystery has arisen around it. In truth, that mystery isn't very warranted. A little on the shorter side, with soft dark skin and sad eyes, the first thing that comes to mind when you see him is a puppy. He's got a bit of peach fuzz on his chin and a pair of big round glasses, though his face is often partially obscured by long, loose locs dyed a dark green gradient. When his mic is live, however, his demeanour seems to change entirely- a self-assured young man emerging from his meek exterior.

[runawaymun]

if you don't mind me asking, what's wrong with kataang? i haven't watched avatar but i know the plot through osmosis, and wanted to hear your thoughts on that

Ah okay! Let me try to explain...

Caveat 1: this will probably be a bit rambly Caveat 2: it has been a long time since I watched either At:LA or TLoK, but I have watched it both as a kid (teenager, really) and as an adult multiple times.

My problems with kataang is kind of split into two categories: problems with the ship based off of who they are as characters from a writing/themes/narrative arc/messaging standpoint, and problems presented by how the creators of At:LA and TLoK - Michael Dante DiMartino and Bryan Konieztko (not Aaron Ehasz you're doing amazing sweetie) treat the characters and seem to think about the characters, based off of choices that they made in the telling of the story, especially how the characters are treated in their endgame scenario in TLoK (which, notably, Aaron Ehasz didn't write for due to creative differences).

TLDR: IMO Kataang ruins the character arcs, they're bad for each other, and the writers did a disservice to Katara in favorite of their pet meow meow -- which hurt both character arcs and legacies, ultimately.

My chief issue is that Katara and Aang are bad for each other, romantically. They bring out the worst in each other. They're bad at holding healthy boundaries, bad at communicating, and the ship itself is very unbalanced. And I wouldn't have a problem with this if it was recognized by the narrative or the shippers, but the narrative treats them as a great love story when really it's anything but. I won't get into age differences -- because by the time they marry a two-year age difference is very negligible and I don't really think it's a good argument against the ship (even if I do think that shipping a 12 year old boy with a 14 year old girl is insane like what 14 year old girl WANTS to date a 12 year old boy. 12 year old boys are gross haha <3) -- but let's talk about it from a thematic and character growth standpoint.

Aang's arc is fundamentally about not running away from his problems, and learning to step into his role as the Avatar. He struggles with responsibility, struggles with emotional regulation, and struggles in the tension between being very much a 12-13yo kid, and being the Avatar, who has to save the world. His arc is beautiful. It's done SO WELL. And he manages to stay true to himself and I love that for him.

Katara's arc IMO is fundamentally about learning to fight for herself, and not just for others. Katara is very maternal. She has had to grow up extremely quickly in the face of losing both parents at a young age, and understanding that she has to live in constant fear of being murdered for her waterbending abilities. She constantly has to stand up for herself, and has a bad habit of suppressing difficult feelings in lieu of helping others work through theirs. This culminates in Katara taking several seasons (iirc) to actually properly talk to someone about her grief and the burden she is carrying, and to learn to set healthy boundaries -- to help her friends and to grow into a strong warrior and work on herself.

The problem here is that the narrative, over and over, forces Katara to emotionally regulate Aang, and this is never really addressed. They have really poor boundaries and she's always mothering him -- Aang is not a partner for her. He doesn't often reciprocate the same level of support that she gives to him -- mostly because he is twelve. Katara, narratively, acts like a crutch for Aang to lean on. Aang actively holds Katara back from setting healthy boundaries and growing into her own person.

They have an emotionally imbalanced relationship, and again -- Michael and Bryan really don't ever try to rectify this, and I think also they're just really bad at writing romance idk. Because over and over Aang makes passes at Katara, and Katara never really expresses interest. That could be down to Katara being bad at expressing her emotions, but it really doesn't feel like it. The last straw for me -- from a narrative standpoint, is the episode where Aang confesses his feelings to Katara, Katara literally says "I don't know how to feel. I'm confused." And Aang, without asking, decides that this is the perfect moment to kiss her.

Which, fine. They're kids. Kids make mistakes. They don't do things perfectly. I'm fine with characters making mistakes. But for a kids' show that's pretty intent on helping us all learn good life lessons -- this is never addressed. Katara is never given the chance to say "Hey, I didn't appreciate that." Aang never is made to apologize for crossing a boundary. It's treated as just a big stepping stone toward their incredibly forced romantic arc. And I hate hate hate when stories tell boys that the appropriate response to a girl asking for space to sort out her feelings/being unsure is to oh, just kiss her, to help her figure it out! instead of, I don't know, let her make up her own mind and give her space. "I don't know" is not fucking consent, and they shouldn't treat it like it is. Especially not in a kids' show.

Which-- yeah, that kind of leads well into my second problem with Kataang - which is how the creators of the show treat it. To them, Kataang is endgame, it is in the "DNA of the show" as one put it. Which is very weird to me because it is so, so poorly done, and the writers really seem to care so little for Katara. Why do I think this? Because of how they choose to treat Katara in TLoK.

Katara, in her 80s in TLoK, is relegated to a healer and teacher. She's insignificant to the story when characters like Zuko and Toph get much cooler entrances and scenes. She's stuck being a passive bystander to a war (Katara would never.) She's stuck being a healer (Which, sure, she is. But so much of At:LA she chafed at being put in that box! She's also a fighter, goddamnit!) -- and some people have tried to say "well what do you want an 80 year woman to do?" and I don't! fucking! buy it! Characters in At:LA were badass fighters well into their 80s, like Hama (the fearsome bloodbender), Pakku (the Waterbender), Iroh (y'know...), and most notably, Bumi, who is 112 fucking years old. Don't give me "80 year old Katara sits on her ass at home while the men go out and do things and Zuko, at the same age, is literally riding around the world on fucking dragonback." I won't have it. It's Katara slander, I tell you! Let that old woman be a badass!!!

And the writers even go so far as to erase her from her kids' lives! They never talk about her!!! It is always about Aang! Always Aang! And you just get the impression that Katara dropped absolutely everything to be "The Avatar's wife" and SHE DESERVED BETTER RAUDGAHSGH

She doesn't! even! get! an honorary statue! On the very island on which she should! be a war hero! Aang does! Toph does! Zuko does! EVEN SOKKA DOES. The ENTIRE Gaang gets a statue, except Katara. That is a deliberate art choice! WHY did they leave her out?

They absolutely destroyed her ENTIRE At:LA arc in TLoK, and I am honestly not even surprised because the writers have said outright that Aang is a self insert character, and that Kataang is "that childhood romance that we both wanted as kids". Katara, in their brains -- and idk maybe this is unjust-- but she seems to be just the amalgamation of those 14 year old girls that wouldn't give them the time of day when they were snotty twelve year olds, except they're writing the story so of course Aang gets the girl.

Anyway, this doesn't even go into how there are infinitely better choices for Katara, and how Aang's arc is worsened by having a romantic subplot, and etc. etc. I could go on forever about how much I dislike Kataang from a narrative standpoint.

Literally my first thought when I heard they left the Netflix show "due to creative differences" was: "Oh my god, is it because there's no kataang???" and now that there's confirmed to be no kataang and that they may be going a zutara route instead, I'm convinced that's why.

Because it's "in the DNA of the show, you see" they have broken with cocreators before over their pet self insert ship and the narrative treatment of Katara (Aaron Ehasz), and I don't see any reason why they'd change.

alkdasdlkgh anyway. God. Thanks for the ask! Sorry about the really long anti kataang rant aslkdgh. This got kind of aggressive but I do feel very strongly about the treatment of Katara. My girl deserved so much better.

[sanchoyo]

Hiiiiii, it is I again!! I just finished Cold Love and gosh!

The ending was just so nice, mostly when I thought SHIGGY WAS DYING FOR A MOMENT- 😭 Then they were just being super sweet at the beach and I ngl cried a little, they all deserved that happiness <3 I also still wanna cry (In a good way tho) BECAUSE I FINISHED THE WHOLE THING I wanna write a little note to myself, next to my bed, erase my memories about these 2 fics, then wake up next morning, read the note and reread the whole thing with as much joy as the first time! I'm gonna reread them FOR SURE, but not now as they're still fresh in my brain :3

And you know, Cold Love has opened my mind more than it already was I mean I already love heroes and villains, but you've put a lot more details that made me go: "Shit, I didn't think it was THAT much"

The way you wrote how the hero commission treats heroes made me think of what my parents always tell me about Actors and Models. "Their lives/bodies don't belong to them, it belongs to the company they work for" That sentence hit me even more when the chapters were Hawks centered. Poor guy, he was a literal lab rat. The worst is that he ISN'T THE ONLY ONE GOING THROUGH THAT

Villains, I already sympathized with a lot, in other medias and MHA too But your fic made me realize that, when they do those crimes, it's for them but mostly for OTHERS as well!! They're like heroes, in a way, because they want to make society BETTER. They do this because they know how it feels to be rejected, hated and they want to change it so NO ONE ELSE has to go through this. Also, we often see them not caring about dying if they do achieve their goal, because they know next gens will have better lives than they ever had. WHICH I THINK IS HELLA SAD BUT SO NICE OF THEM???

Though I DON'T agree with them taking lives of course, but I don't hate them anyways because, when they've been rejected by everyone and everything, how else are they supposed to get attention? Very unfortunately, crimes is often their answer…

I think, if I was in MHA, I'd also opt for the Vigilante route. Fuck the hero commission lmao

I won't tell why, but let's just say that I'm more compassionate about villains now <3

ON A MUCH LIGHTER NOTE!! Fanart for Warm Healer is on the way!! So keep an eye open? :3

Fun fact for Cold Love: When Bret asked why Dabi was in the closet, I blurted out: "BECAUSE HE'S GAY!!" Lmao

So yeah, just wanted to say your fics are great! They've inspired me into improving my own fics <3 I even started making my own Shiggy x Reader AND a Dabi x Reader too! Because most of them are smut centered and I don't want just NSFW ya kno?

Anyways, I'm done rambling lol Thanks for writing WH and CL, thanks for inspiring me, thanks for bringing me joy and sorry for rambling that much lmao

Hope you're doing well, lots of love, take care and keep being awesome!!

thank you so much for such a long, sweet message 💗💗💗

I really enjoy bnha fics where the writers closely examine the society and its problems because its SO interesting (and im kind of sad the way it went in canon, I wanted a lot more and found the school setting kind of restricting for it in general, but we'll always have fics haha) i'm glad you enjoyed me doing that just a little bit! (maybe it was kind of weird to include in a romance SI series, but also it would've felt like a huge disservice in my opinion because ALL of the villains stories are influenced by the society they live in and how heroes are treated...)

aaah again, don't feel obligated to do the fanart but if you do, definitely tag me/send it my way, I'd love to see!! 🥺 (also you're writing your own shigaraki/reader and dabi/reader!!! omg!! I hope you have fun making your own!!! they're so fun to write <3 I agree on the wanting more SFW SI fics, sometimes I just wanna go on silly adventures with my favs y'know? :"))

no need to apologize for rambling!! I'm so happy to hear you enjoyed it so much!!! your message made my day ^_^ I hope you have a good day too and your writing/art projects go well!!

[iturbide]

i can go on and on about how unbelievably dumb and convoluted rudolf's plan was and how his callous lack of foresight got his nephew needlessly killed (and also very nearly his own son, which would’ve defeated the whole purpose of all this) but we'd be here all day and you haven’t played SoV yet. Anywho, for the character meme maybe Morgan (either of them or both of them — your pick) or Ferdie?

Please do go on about how dumb and convoluted the plan was.  No, I have not played Shadows of Valentia, but I want to hear about this.  Tell me.  I would absolutely love to hear the details of this idiocy.  I have time if you are willing.

But also Morgans my children

How do I feel about this character?

I love Morgan.  I love both Morgans.  I love these aspiring tacticians who want nothing more than to match their genius parent, I love how they’re over-excitable as pranksters and sometimes spoil their own traps without meaning to, and I love the way they help spur their allies.  They’re just such wonderfully good kids and I want the best for them.

Who do I ship this character with romantically?

Once again I have to call in the “no one” card.  I tend to see the Morgans as the absolute youngest in the group, down there with Nah and Cynthia, and along with the whole wanting them to have a chance to live for themselves in a peaceful world, they’re just too young to think about romance for.  Let them live a good bit more first, then maybe I’ll think about it, but for now they just deserve to be happy and perfect their tactics and pranks.

Who is my brOTP for this character?

OWAIN.  He continues to be my go-to second-gen answer because he’s still so great and also the fact that they’re both in the Justice Cabal and can really go at it in equal measure with the over-the-top theatrics just makes it.  Cynthia’s part of the group, too, because the Justice Cabal can’t be complete without the Pega-Pony Princess, and I love the idea of them as a daring trio making adventures for themselves.  But also Morgan and Lucina as siblings is one of my favorite things -- a very literal brOTP -- and their relationship and how they bond through their supports is really heartfelt to me (especially given how Morgan flat-out refuses to wield Falchion because it means Lucina can’t and that’s not allowed to happen).

What’s my Unpopular Opinion™ about this character?

This is probably going to be very unpopular but F!Morgan’s supports are Bad.  She ends up being near Severa levels of manipulative, not to mention her sadistic streak with poor Yarne, and I just really don’t think that’s fair to her in any way.  M!Morgan’s supports are all delightful, and there is absolutely no reason why they had to make F!Morgan a borderline psychopath when her male counterpart is a perfect ray of sunshine (though they also had no reason to do That with F!Robin’s supports with Chrom compared to M!Robin’s, so I guess I have to chalk it up to IntSys being IntSys).  Basically I throw her canon supports out the window and draw off of M!Morgan’s supports for both of them where possible because it’s a significantly better pool to work from (and where it’s not possible I just axe the more disturbing tendencies that don’t line up with everything else about the characters).

What’s one thing I wish would have happened with this character in canon?

I really wish canon hadn’t rehashed Robin’s situation with Morgan.  Robin made perfect sense as an amnesiac since they’re our point of view character, and we’re experiencing all the twists and turns with equal inability to predict where things are going; Morgan has no good in-game reason to have no memory, so I really wish they hadn’t done it.  Let Morgan remember both their parents: it’s not like it would be hard to change their supports since they just rehashed all father supports for all the other kids.  Even if Morgan IS from another timeline, or even Future Past, I think it would have been far more interesting if they’d actually had a story of their own to contrast with Robin -- especially if it could have helped bring back some of Robin’s own memories.

EDIT because I missed it the first time through I am so sorry Ferdie

How do I feel about this character?

Perfect ray of sunshine.  Absolute joy of a human being.  A man who lights up any room he walks into with his sunny disposition.  People who do not love Ferdinand von Aegir probably missed something or else didn’t bother talking to him outside of monastery dialogues.

Basically Ferdinand is one of the best things about Three Houses and I will stand by that.

Who do I ship this character with romantically?

HAHA TRICK QUESTION I have I think two romantic ships across all of Three Houses and Ferdinand von Aegir does not feature in either of them.  With that said I really enjoy his supports with Mercedes and how he goes all Knight in Shining Armor and breaks into a Kingdom noble’s domain specifically to dig up evidence of her step-father’s terrible behavior?  Legendary.  He and Hilda make a nice pair, too, and the fond indulgence in their conversations is really pleasant.

Who is my brOTP for this character?

Dorothea all the way.  I love their Support chain and how Dorothea finally stops pushing him away off of a mistaken assessment of his character, and I think it makes the foundation for an incredibly powerful friendship; also Ferdie as her biggest supporter as an opera diva is just phenomenal.  I also really enjoy his relationship with Hubert since they’re so firmly rooted in opposite camps but still clearly trying to do what’s best for the Empire; their grudging respect for one another that grows into a bizarre unorthodox friendship (up to and including Hubert looking out for Ferdinand, which confuses both of them) is an endless delight.

What’s my Unpopular Opinion™ about this character?

...are there unpopular opinions to be had about Ferdinand von Aegir, Literal Ray of Sunshine?  ...except maybe that he is a pain to try and recruit he was the last one I managed in my original Golden Deer run and I did it literally in the last available week I know you’re a noble Ferdinand but cut me some slack Ferdie your B support doesn’t unlock until post-timeskip and heavy armor’s a stupid requirement.

...and even then I think most people would agree with me if they’re starting from scratch rather than New Game +.

What’s one thing I wish would have happened with this character in canon?

I really wish that CF had given him a better role.  Although that’s kind of what I wish for most of the characters in CF, Ferdinand in particular suffers for the fact that he does see issues in Edelgard’s approach, which is clear just from his supports with her (she hadn’t considered public schooling at all before he brought it up); the fact that his opposition and pushback to her methods are shunted off into Supports and End Cards does him a disservice, especially given how dedicated he is to the idea that nobles are duty-bound to care for and protect their people -- something that is not happening with Edelgard’s war in full swing.  I would have loved to see him argue her decision to attack the Alliance, or leave Caspar’s father in charge, or any number of other things, rather than passively going along with everything despite how war harms the most vulnerable -- aka the commonfolk -- before anyone else.

Give Me a Character

[cartoonfangirl1218]

Riverdale should have been a Disney show

Riverdale should have been a Disney show. There I said it. I'll admit the first season was fine Great even. Self-contained with an intriguing mystery and you waited at the edge of your seat for what will happen next. But then... Part of the problem for me is because I've read the original comics since I was a girl. I still do get some from my mom, and the way they have changed the characters just bug me.Betty used to be the girl next door, always hopeful, smart, trying to figure out the mystery. And it was perfect that she was a reporter because Betty was always someone who valued honesty so her being the roving reporter was perfect. And her taking pills for anxiety or some sort of disorder was also a nice take because she does take on so much, and tries so hard to help and be good and nice and perfect. All the stress. Archie was also great in the first season. A bit horny, but he means well, and he truly is an average American boy so his big trouble of choosing between music and football. He's a klutz and sometimes his plans go sideways but he means well, he's all for family and Riverdale and school spirit. None of this whole Red Hood/semi mafia/wrestling nonsense. I actually really liked their take on Veronica, she still a bit materialistic and thinks she can depend on her wealth to get her out of trouble but I do like their take on trying to be enterneauripal and working to act less high class society girl as she was used to. 

Jughead, I'm conflicted with. Because he's good I guess as a brooding, investigative journalist he's good. It fits the setting of the show. But I do have a soft spot for him as the sane man to Archie. Going about his business, surprisingly philosophical. And you can't forget the most important attribute to him. His love of food! I miss that. Like the one scene in season 1, I forget what exactly but basically he ordered burgers and when Cole Sprouse just protectively held the burger to him...such a nice touch. That sort of guy I can see as a DCOM. The genius ditz I guess it's called. But he's not dumb. He just prefers napping to being awake. 

Now the others...omg.I have a bone to pick when it comes to the other characters in Riverdale. Josie and the Pussycats-- they are such lively musicians who solve crimes, sometimes in space. ABsolutely wasted here. Melody barely had any lines. And they didn't have Alex or Alexandra Cabot which was such a shame. I know, I know they're in the new Katy Keene show but having them be step-siblings who used to date is wrong and weird and bad and no! Stop having the twins in these shows with vaguly incesteous feelings. It's weird!

Kevin Keller, all his storylines revolve around his bfs or lack of bfs or how much he wants a bf. The Kevin of Archie comics was so much more well-rounded. He was head of ROTC, he was class president, he ran marathons, he was Veronica's bff, he was a reporter. He had an appetite to match Jughead's. He even had a brief crush on Jughead! He was so much better than this sham. He was confident in who he was and did his best to help others feel good about themselves too because he knows not everyone is lucky to come out as LGTBQ in a supportive environment. 

Reggie. I think not giving him enough of an arc in season 1 really backfired because if he appears, it's only as Veronica's arm candy. Which is a shame because he is a good contrast to Archie. A bit richer yet a cheapskate. Thinks he's a casanova, loves being the class prankster. A modern day politician with his sweet words when all he cares about himself. Basically like 

Yet he has his hidden depths with his neglectful workaholic parents and jealousy of Archie's popularity. Cheryl. Omg Cheryl. They have ruined you here. I'm sorry, I do NOT find any of her lines iconic. It's like she swallowed urban dictionary and a gothic novel and came out all jumbled in a google translate. She may be abused but the way she still treats others like shit and gaslights her gf and makes everything about her is just...ugh!!! OMg, comics Cheryl is actually fun and iconic. She's as rich and pretty as Veronica and unafraid to use it. She wants to be a star like a modern day influencer. She's a red-haired Sharpay Evans basically. 

Also Jason, her twin whom they sadly killed off. He was also fun like a meaner, snobbier version of Reggie. But with a huge crush on Betty which I think could have been used to milk such drama. 

Polly also got hit badly. She was a good older sister. She was a reporter, and inspired Betty's enviormental-feminist activities. A sane person. Not a cult worshipping cuckoo. Toni Topaz, ah she was so good in season 2 and then they made her Cheryl's arm candy. Alas. I liked her as a friend to Jughead. In the comics, she was his equal in food contests. That's no small feat. She was cool, and joined Betty's band and... she was her own person. Remember when Toni used to be a photographer for the South Side paper. Yeah. Basically Toni as a 3d character with personality. Please return. 

Dilton. Oh Dilton. Once the smartest person in the Archie universe and they turned you into a survival freak to get killed by the gargoyle king. Or whomever. I just remember he got killed somehow. Honestly, they should have stuck to smart Dilton. They need a smart scientist there, cuz no one is using their brains in Riverdale. 

Chuck. They have done you SUCH A DISSERVICE! So so bad. Chuck was a good person! He was a cartoonist, and a basketball player and Archie's friend. (Yeah, that's right Archie has friends in the comics. Even though Riverdale makes some effort to show Archie and Jug's bond, they're mainly consorting with their gfs. In the comics, they had guy nights. Reggie, Chuck, Kevin, Dilton, Moose. Come on show. Friendships are just as important.) And what did they do, make him a lying scumbag, turn him good and then have him arrested because of what Cheryl did! No, no no. Bad writers. Just no. Ethel Muggs. You have also been wronged in season 3. Making her a crazy freak. Ethel in season 1 was nice. Ethel in the comics is nice. Plain but with a good heart even though she had a slightly obsessive crush on Jughead. Here, making her cult worshipper.... smdh.  Okay at this point I know I sound like a bitter, bitter person complaining how it'S nOt liKE tHe cOmICs. But hey, I admit season 1 was good even if they changed the characters a bit. It’s just that I watched Riverdale because of the property it derived from. Because of the comics. At the least I expected some faithfulness to the characters. Not make them all so inconsistent and crazy. 

It's just the writing is so inconsistent! The plots hop around and so do their moods. Bughead and Choni broke up for one episode and then they got right back together. Even though they had VALID reasons to break up. Nope. That made fans mad. So they had to get back together. Ugh. And Archie got attacked by a bear and was so traumatized that he broke up with Veronica because "he's changed" for like two episodes before forgetting about it and going back to Veronica. Oh which brings me to the ridiculous "love triangle" of Archie/Reggie/Veronica where she couldn't choose. Please, Archie and Veronica were reuniting and planning to go run away for a weekend together. Reggie was completely forgotten until he walked in on them. And Veronica couldn't decide because she loves them both? No, she didn't. She may have felt bad to tell Reggie but it's not because she loved him. Forgetting a guy so quickly...yeah great proof of love. Horniness maybe. But her indecisiveness makes her look bad. Don’t tease a will they, won’t they when the answer is so obvious.  If you're going to do something like that, you should have there be something called CONSEQUENCES! They can get back together but at least wait. Wait 8 episodes at least so they can have character development. But who am I kidding. Character development is not the goal of this show. The character's just move because the writer's want them too not because it fits their personalities. Such as Archie's grieved reaction for baby Teeth in season 3. 

Not only do I have no idea when (the ridiculously named) Baby Teeth appeared, much less why Archie or I should care about his death. But sometimes the show juggles too much. Too many characters. Too many plots. It's all so ugh!!! So my final thought on this is... Riverdale should have been a disney channel sitcom. Archie comics are about family friendly entertainment and sometimes imparted lessons... well so does Disney. I get the appeal of having Riverdale reach a new teen generation, but from what I can see the only big thing Riverdale on CW is that it allows alcohol and gartituous sex scenes. 

Which is another small gripe of mine. I can handle sex scenes (hello Magic Mike XXL) but so many at such inappropriate moments too It's like that scene in an action movie where they suddenly kiss when they should be running for their lives. No teen is that horny all the time. Plus there's always less is more. If one kisses so much it loses the meaning. If you think your shirtless Archie is going to distract me from lack of plot haha. No. Plot and consistency still sucks and shirtless Archie does not make it better.

But Riverdale as a Disney show can work. After all the comic stories are a bit formulaic. It's all high school hijinks. And all the characters fit an archetype. Archie, the protagonist. Veronica, the fashionista. Betty, the reporter. Jughead, the slacker. Reggie, the class clown/bad friend. Cheryl, the Sharpay, Kevin, the sane one. And if people want a season long story arc with dramatics, Disney can actually handle it too. After all they had the mysterious "threat' lurking in the background of My babysitter's a vampire season 2. Or the Juliet and Mason saga of Wizards of Waverly Place. And if people want adult situations, look on to Jessie. Rewatching an episode now, there were so many adult jokes and references that flew over my head so they could sneak those in. Heck, Disney channel is infamous for all the innuendos they manage. And they handle consistency. Cody and Bailey broke up in Suite life on deck, they actually stayed broken up for a good half season. Gabe matured from a prankster tween to teen in love in Good Luck Charlie. Actions have consequences, characters grow. Storytelling 101

And the best part is they don't even have to think too hard for the plots of the week. They literally can build on stories from the comics. All 80 years of it. And I have put some examples right here from my own Archie comics. Like Veronica literally being the fashion police. 

Veronica and Cheryl teaming up + rolling around in their money. 

Cheryl changing the Cherry Blossom Festival to the Cheryl Blossom Festival 

Archie doing his classic Valentine's Day mix up

Veronica and Betty buy Cheryl’s maid service when her father forces her to get a job. 

Jughead and Trula (Jughead's nemesis & psychoanalyst in training) get amnesia and become friends. 

A boy dares to change Veronica

Jughead falls in love with the lunch-lady 

Betty and Veronica pretending to be distressed damsels to get Archie's attention (it backfires) 

Toni and Jughead foil each other in a food eating contest. 

Betty's cast causes more pain to other students

Reggie dates Cheryl (for real) 

Reggie helps Kevin dress for the dance and his mystery date 

Riverdale Shore. 

Cabot vs Lodge

I think all this pretty much illustrates my point. Archie comics equals Disney sitcom all by itself. 

[bereaving]

You definitely don't need to apologize for that 😆 I do that too...

For me it's different cause I love the horror genre. Like not this random, boring clichee sort of horror but this really subtle and deep horror like in Hill House. I'm a huge fan of it. For me it wasn't really important what's it about, I just wanted to continue this anthology.  

A lot of people say that honestly 🤔 it's different when you watch Bly first and then Hill House. But they both have a lot of similarities and I love that. 

She is! And it's for sure that most of the time where people were going through a traumatic childhood, they turned out to be assholes. Like we have an example right next to Jamie on the same show - Peter. He went through that as a kid and he turned out to be abusive and toxic, mostly. So it's great to see that there's a different way to go with that or to deal with everything Jamie had to deal with as a kid and how she turned out to be as an adult.  

So yeah that's really nice to see that people aren't the way you first think they are by how they act, you just need to get to know them and we did after her fantastic speech. I can't tell you how often I watched that because its one of my favorite scenes in the whole season. She definitely is one of the most important characters on the show. It's also a beautiful reference to how a flower needs it time to bloom and so do people, like you said. 

I mean she's definitely holding herself back a bit, and she tries to wrap her flirting and overall conversations with Dani up with humor. I think that's a great way of showing someone you really care about them without being too forward. So yeah I agree with you on that she would make a move if she'd be completely sure that's it okay for Dani too. But she would definitely do it in a Jamie - like - way 😂 like acting all cool and being funny yk 

Dani is bold af 😆 like she has shown us that so many times and it is refreshing to see. Cause if I'm being honest I didn't think of her that way when I first saw her. I thought she's cute and all but when I first got to know her backstory a bit I immediately changed my mind. Also the scene she had with Henry at the bar was bold af, I'd  have never done that for sure 😅

And then everything that happens around her at Bly and with Jamie, no doubt at all. 

Haha I had to laugh when Jamie said "who the hell knew" 😂 that was awesome and also gave Dani a feeling of relief. That was the first time she expressed her feelings, her real feelings, to someone she likes so much and no one blamed her for that.

I guess you can see it both ways. I hated how they decided to end it, like they just gave us all and then in the end they took it all away 😪 just seeing how Dani sacrificed herself and then no one even remembered her and she just has no choice but going to Bly again and die there, it was so hard to watch and to accept. And there's Jamie,  alone, with just the memories of Dani and she keeps waiting for her to return till the end... that's just heartbreaking and I need to hold back myself from crying every time I even think about it. 

It is a masterpiece, no doubt, but I just wish they would let them finally be happy for the rest of their days.

Yeah that's the thing when you watch Bly first I guess 😅 I knew Victoria will be in season 2, too. So I wasn't as surprised about it, but the fact that she played Nell just makes it change a bit. She nails playing those characters with real struggles and she brings them to life in a way I've never seen anybody do it 💯 her microexpressions are so spot on, like I don't even know what to say about it. These two characters are stucked in my head too. Dani a bit more than Nell but that's just because it's so long ago when I watched Hill House. 

I mean definitely! I hope Amelia stays on the horror path that would be great for me 😂 also same here, I won't watch YOU I don't know why but it's probably the show in general seems to be not really my thing 😕 unfortunately I have to say...cause i don't get to see Victoria

I really hope they bring them both back to The Haunting Series, I'd love to see Amelia back there and Victoria too 👌 but I guess we have to wait a long time for that 

We goin’ under the cut again because this one is also long, my friend haha

A horror two-timer such as myself really doesn’t have any other opinion other than the ones I’ve seen: Bly is and feels more gothic, whereas Hill House is more... I guess classically horror. They are both fantastic, and tbh I had no idea this is what horror does. I’d never looked into horror as a way of expanding the story, and Mike and his team had done that beautifully with The Haunting. Hours after I’d published the ask it occurred to me that the answer was so engrossed with Dani and Jamie that I’d completely forgotten to write about Peter lol whoops. He and Jamie are really two opposites of the spectrum. And in episode 7, I get that the whole deal for that is to get a better insight into his background, and what shapes him and what made him the way that he is. I enjoyed it as a casual watcher, and I liked OJC’s portrayal of him, but to be completely honest, I left that episode with very little added empathy for him. I’ve seen people like him enough both in real life and in fictional portrayals. I know what it’s like to be in the presence of people like him, and it is not in any way pleasant. So yeah, Peter, as this post so eloquently put it, can choke.

Jamie on the other hand... 🥰 Have I mentioned I love her? Lemme just say it again, just because.

Re: “I’m so glad you stayed” scene: That whole tracking shot... ugh, it just gives me goosebumps. I have seen it more than once and every time I need the scene for GIFs or anything, I’d always watch from the moment Owen’s car drives away. These two smol wives own my heart and my soul, and I love them a lot a lot.

Re: the ending Completely understand where you’re coming from, and it’s not something that I can casually think about or even try to sit with without some sort of mental preparation -- like taking a deep breath before you go for a deep dive. It still hurts, I still get sad and cry about the way their story had to end. But, that being said, to me it doesn’t feel like a disservice to their journey. It wasn’t done just for the sake of dramatization, or to show any kind of... hidden morality message, or anything like that. There’s no agenda to the story, is maybe a more succinct way of putting it. Just like any other couples we would see on screen, it treats them with respect. I think we all wish, deep down inside, that they would be able to shake off The Lady and live their best lives, but... I don’t know. Personally, I don’t think it would’ve stayed or created this big of an impact if they were to just ride off into the sunset together. 

Another thing to add is how good Bly is at exaggerating and amplifying aspects of real life and making it to be an element of the story. Some people forget you, some people will always wait for you and want to be with you. Some things, you do without thinking and it becomes a habit. Sometimes you lose yourself. Sometimes you’re stuck in circumstances or places you don’t really want to be in, but have to due to obligations and responsibilities. Some places really do have a pull of their own. Sometimes people love wrong, and it consumes you. Sometimes people love right, and it saves you. Maybe that’s just me and my takeaway from it, though. Last time I said Bly has changed the course of my 2020, and by that I mean that it’s taught me to have feelings again, to re-examine things, to care. And I just... love this series. Sadness and all.

MOVING ON 😆 I bow to Victoria. Ari ( @camhowes ) was the one who encouraged me to watch Bly in the first place, and so naturally once I started Hill House I messaged her and said, “I can’t believe Dani and Nell are played by THE SAME ACTRESS???????????” My freak out over her is not over yet, and I am begging anyone to let her be in all the things. I’ll fucking watch it (again... other than You) The way Nell breaks my heart... One of my friends who’s been a long Hill House champ has repeatedly said to me that Theo is the most fascinating sibling, and while I agree to a certain extent... Nell has my heart.

When it comes to Netflix’s You... to be completely blunt, a story that is pitched as “stalker man show, he kills people” is just not gonna appeal to me in general. No offense to anyone but there are just too many men I do not give a squat about. I don’t know if my resolve with this show will change. There’s been a couple sets of Love Quinn that I’ve seen (when she goes to the market in a beanie, or when she’s cooking and baking and drinking wine, or when she apparently went full on revenge baking mode) that are intriguing and is chipping away at my resolve, but... yeah, for the moment, I’m staying away from that series.

And I’m just gonna put a thought out into the universe, that if Miss Amelia Eve is hiring anyone to help her with her dog-walking business, I am available and can start ASAP.

[czechforrain]

Caught up to the RWBY manga...and I’ve got opinions

CW / TW : Some discussions of implied sexual assault. 

Spoilers up to Ch 18 of the RWBY Manga and Vol 2 of the series TV show. 

So last time I commented on the manga I was just past the white fang thing with blake and I responded idk interested in how the manga took it’s approach with it. I wouldnt say positive but curious about it in a harmless way. 

THINGS REALLY FELL OFF THE RAILS. 

The manga basically speeds through the rest of volume two leaving behind major scenes and shortening the rest to where the impact of them is almost completely diminished. There are also some character differences that bear out due to the author giving people more or less focus.

The biggest changes are with Yang and Blake’s relationship. Now even if you dont like BEES, the formation of their friendship is a vital part of the show. Someone can read everything as “just friends” but them having a close relationship is inarguable. The moment where Yang confronts Blake on her single minded focus to find Roman / Adam and the White fang is this crucial moment where Yang gets through to Blake, shares her backstory and establishes a bond between them. 

It’s nowhere in the manga. IT WAS CUT. 

And it’s such a shame because up to this point you could have mis-characterized Yang as the dumb party blonde stereotype that even she would play up in the early season where it’s apparent that she’s someone who is sharp, focused and can read into people pretty well. She recognizes Blake’s anger and tells her that it isn’t wrong for her to want Justice but if she doesn’t take care of her self shell never be able to achieve it. 

Oh some other cuts. RAVEN. Just never showed up because they didn’t even fight on the train. They just kind of got to the point of train impact without facing that much obstacles before all the Grimm attacked. 

It’s really frustrating because 

1. That was an S tier Fight. 

2. It did a great job at pointing out what Yang’s weaknesses were. 

3. Introduced Raven as someone super important and powerful. 

For some reason they still have Banesaw around and he fights Blake later. It actually makes more sense he’d fight Blake than Weiss narrative-wise but that’s besides the point, it’s just kind of weird he’d just be there anyways since he wasn’t a big shot or anything. 

Oh and STRQ isnt mentioned at all. 

Ok now that we are talking about the Villains. 

Roman is weird, in the show’s he’s this dashing suave dude who’s like “ah there you are red, you’re too late hahaha” *dips but in the comic he’s got this weirdly sadistic side almost like he’s being built up to be more of a threat than what he was and a more unhinged person. He threatens murder directly a lot more and one time I even thought he threatened Neo but the paneling was just weird and he’s talking to Banesaw. Either way it seems like he’s less kind to Neo in general and since that’s literally the only person he seemed to get along with in the show that makes me care less about him besides “ 100% evil sunday morning cartoon villain” I’ll take my “80% evil sunday morning cartoon villain” thank you very much

BUT THERE IS ONE SCENE WITH HIM EVERYONE DESPISES

It’s a HORRENDOUS scene in Chapter 15 thought where 

CONTENT WARNING: Sexual Assault Implications 

Ruby gets captured, in the manga it’s because she’s trying to get back Zwei, in the show it’s because she falls into a hole. That doesn’t really matter anyways she’s tied up and well here’s the page 

followed by 

and this isn’t as bad as it was originally before pressure to change it  https://www.reddit.com/r/RWBY/comments/f2f8j9/the_controversy_regarding_rwby_manga_chapter_15/ 

This is absolutely messed up. Just going over the content you have:

“I’d love to Entertain you myself”

“Have far more pressing concerns with a human like yourself”

“Plenty of Fun to be had, I’m sure”

and then Ruby gagged, and handcuffed to a chair as a bunch of tall faceless men in long black cloaks loom over her. You could say this all is just a misunderstanding and it’s just meant to foreshadow violence as a threat but it’s just done with such a sexual assault that the most charitable take is it’s a dogwhistle to that subject matter. Anyways thaat absolutely didn’t belong in RWBY and even reading it in Viz made me double take how they set up this scene and gave it such dark implications. Not that it was a deliberate narrative writing choice because it is undone really quickly. It just comes off as edgy and gross. 

Anyways some other things: 

JNPR Saga. Jaunedice is gone and while I’m not gonna lie, it’s definitely good that we didn’t have to relive through jaune going through his “ If I keep asking, maybe i’ll eventually get a yes through persistence” arc, I really feel like the pyrrha and jaune content is also weakened and though they might have overplayed this up in the show at least it ended up working on making me a shipper. Idk it wasn’t terrible but it felt a lot more surface level here. Also Ren and Nora were here too but even less prominent. 

Speaking of the dance, Blake goes with Sun instead of Yang. Because Sun invites her under the context of “you owe me”. Even though it’s done tongue in cheek, like even manga sun would hold it against her if she refused I think that this line does a good deal of disservice to Sun and also paints him in a weird Adam-ish tone. Sun’s whole deal is that he’s about unconditional kindness, he likes blake but he wouldnt want her to go with him unless she wanted it for herself. Leaning into the “haha let’s just say you owe me” leans more into something that Adam would use a source of manipulation. 

Oobleck: Is given a major glow up and actually ends up doing a lot in the end to the point at times it almost seems like it’s his story. He pulls of 300 IQ moves and ended up coordinating all the hunters and huntresses to the point of the breach based on the direction the wind was blowing and schematics he saw through someone’s pocket. Ok that’s an exaggeration but not by that much. The author is a fanboy over him and it’s good for memes but I’d argue it doesn’t improve the story by making him a more important character. I guess cool to see him fight a little bit more but it was kind of odd when he stunts on everyone so damn much. 

The fighting in general has some weak panelling except for a few scenes where it’s showing impact. The light as hell inking style makes it kind of annoying when there’s multiple people in one fight against a big target and you have to differentiate everyone and how people move from place to place. The way your eyes are supposed to move while reading a fight and how character motion transfers through panels. 

Neat informative video about that: https://youtu.be/zFFru4q_4H8?t=420 (whole video but I started at the point where they talk about panelling)

The art style is unique and i’ll give it that but too often it seems a bit more contrast and thicker lines would really benefit the series. Even when I was enjoying it, I still had these concerns. It’s just annoying when the artist is generally pretty good but you gotta zoom in to see certain things and all of that. 

So yeah, i’ve been disappointed in the later chapters to say the least and that’s incredibly incriminating when I wasn’t even that big of a fan of this adaptation to start with. I thought that maybe it could have been a loose reinterpretation for someone who was put off by V1/V2 animation standards/ wanted to get through the series even quicker but I couldn’t in good conscience recommend this as an alternative for the main series anymore. And that’s a shame. Luckily this all ends with V2 so we won’t have to worry about what else would be cut, shortened or ignored from the main series and we can focus on the actual show which all of love...or like at the least. 

[lostgirlrewatch]

1x08 - Vexed

Original Air Date: November 7, 2010

Written by: Michelle Lovretta

Directed by: John Fawcett

Okay, so. Vexed.

This is the original pilot. I don’t think they necessarily presented it as the first episode chronologically—more like, this is what you can expect from our show. Showcase picked it up and it went to series. Vexed became episode 1x08. You can find more info about it in this interview with Michelle Lovretta and Jay Firestone.

Anyway, this episode was shot earlier than the rest, and you can tell. Makeup and styling is different, and they hadn’t quite settled on the tone they eventually went with. As such, this episode is a bit grittier than normal. I find it interesting both for its different tone and for the fact that many of the decisions they made for the episode were made in the interest of selling the concept to Showcase.

This fucking article is great and is a much better review of this episode and why it’s so god damn good than my shit below. It also provides an extremely detailed look into...exactly what I just described above. All of the behind-the-scenes production stuff. Check it out.

The premise: Bo finds a lead on someone who might know about her mother--a falsely accused death row inmate named Lou Ann. Bo vows to prove her innocence in exchange for answers, but her quest leads her into contact with a vicious Dark Fae named Vex.

I do wonder if they wrote this episode without really knowing where it was going to fit into the first season, assuming they had an outline. It works as a standalone and in some ways it feels a little disjointed from what came before in episode 1x07, right from the beginning. Dyson coming right out and saying something so blunt as, “She’s never gonna love you,” feels a bit off to me. But then again, all the characters in this episode are a bit “off,” which is understandable. This episode is like…the prototype. The beta.

“No offense to my own kind, but humans are a little pedestrian now.” *awkwardly laughs* Right... “your kind”…haha you’re enslaved. Lauren are you okay.

“Once you go Fae you never go back, huh?”

“So I hear.”

Me:

Bo feels a little bit more aggressive to me in this episode, like when Siegfried mentions her mother and she wigs out. It’s her normal desperation plus a bit of added homicidal urges. She’s a slightly grittier Bo.

As we can observe from the opening sex scene between Bo and Dyson, this episode is a bit more sexually explicit than we’re used to. This, I am not super a fan of on a personal level. However, the episode is also more violent than usual and incorporates horror elements. This, I am super a fan of because that’s kind of my shit, and it’s something I wish they would have leaned a little bit more into in the rest of the series.

There is nothing I don’t love about this scene. The creepy opera music that sets the stage, the gourmet meal prep (those gourmet meals always end in murder).

(Am I the only one who loves this random little detail they plopped into the background?)

Vex’s entrance—not overly dramatic, just, boop, there he is. 

The tense build-up as we’re drawn to the knife, not sure where it’s gonna go—

--oh, oop, there it goes. 

We know what’s going to happen now, but we build up to it, agonizingly, anyway. Surely we’re not actually going to sit here and watch as he shoves his hand into the disposal and then keep watching as he turns it on and it grinds his hand up. Oh, but we are.

Some scenes have a way of sticking with ya.

So I guess even the Lost Girl universe isn’t all camp and games. People are still people. Especially when they’re ancient as fuck and have all that time to stew in the cesspool of their fucked up emotional and psychological issues. So divorced are they from the concept of mortality, growing up and growing old, that their maturity level laps itself and becomes immaturity—they tend to to behave like children. 

Not all Dark Fae are curmudgeonly, innocuous old grandpas who own restaurants or absolute Queens like the Morrigan. Some of them are like Vex. And just like, fuckin murder people—and each other. Vex’s world is different than Bo’s world. Vex lives in a world where violence is mundane. Empathy is nonexistent and pointless anyhow. Sometimes I wonder if immortal characters are drawn to violence and death because it’s as close as they can get to experiencing a sort of vicarious mortality.

I love Vex’s character throughout the series—up to a certain point—but I love him best in this, his original episode. In later episodes, Vex is portrayed as a sort of morally ambiguous anti-hero, or anti-villain, whichever you prefer. I have mixed feelings on how well the transition from villain to anti-hero is handled. The farther along you get in the series, the more he becomes reduced to a shell of his former self, purely comic relief, and just…sucks.

But in 1x08, Vex is a villain. Straight up. The things that he does are horrifying and the show does not bother trying to get you to empathize with him. And to be clear, this does not mean that he is not a multi-dimensional character, that he isn’t worthy of empathy, or that he is pure evil. What it does mean is the show does something I wish more shows would do. It creates a genuinely threatening and reprehensible villain that is both worthy of your analysis, even your stanning (I stan), and yet whose actions are still inexcusable.

In that interest, let’s talk about him. At this point, his most defining characteristic, the simplest way we can begin to understand his motives, is that he utterly lacks empathy. Vex is the kind of person who would puppeteer a woman and force her to drown her own children. 

He is ordered to kill this woman’s family as punishment for betraying the Dark Fae’s rules. And in this episode, Vex is shown to be someone who rigidly follows the Dark Fae’s orders without question, and without any particular investment in them either. But he doesn’t just kill the kids—he uses his powers to force the mother to do it. To drown them. For no real reason other than his own amusement. That’s another level of sadistic. For a less intense example, in his introduction scene, he gruesomely tortures Siegfried before killing him. Just for funsies. (Well, okay, and to get information.) Vex lacks empathy, clearly, and may scan as a sociopath, but he’s not a stoic one. He gets enjoyment out of tormenting his victims.

Is this the kind of guy the writers are going to try to later convince us is a harmless comic relief mascot? Surely n—

Yes. Yes he is.

I am not at all opposed to the idea of Vex slowly becoming a morally ambiguous anti-villain, even a member of the gang. In fact, I think that premise is interesting as hell. But what I feel like happens later is that the show kind of forgets that Vex did all this horrible shit in the past. Kinda brushes it under the rug. Not only does this make it a lot harder for me to get behind him becoming one of the gang, it also does the character himself a great disservice. I’ll probably get into this more once Vex starts showing up more frequently, and why I feel the writers mishandle him.

To be clear, in spite of how sadistic he is, Vex is not a malicious person. He doesn’t have any enmity for the people he’s ordered to kill. He’s not angry, not hateful, not spiteful. He just doesn’t really care. He’s almost a kind of nihilist. None of it really matters. Somebody who thinks like that would have a fairly breezy time killing people.

Because I like when in-universe politics make things complicated, I like that the in-universe politics of the Light and Dark Fae makes things complicated. Bo wants to free Lou Ann, and she wants the Light Fae’s help, but they can’t help her because it would mean basically declaring war on the Dark Fae. MAJOR no-no. Likewise, they can’t go after Vex because all of his actions are sanctioned by the Dark Fae’s government. Bo’s unalignment gives her freedom, but it’s not without its downsides. She has no influence and no resources when things get too big for her to handle.

“Smells like fried bitch.” An icon. If I remember correctly from one of the behind-the-scenes features, they brainstormed and tested out a bunch of different one-liners to use for this moment, until Ksenia Solo ad-libbed this.

Lol. Kenzi is just so done with Bo and Dyson’s drama.

Lou Ann, the Fae woman who is on death row for killing her kids, obviously strikes a nerve with Bo. 

It’s kinda weird, because when we first meet her, Bo’s main motivation is that she wants to be able to live her life without being forced to kill others and stay on the run to do so. Those problems kinda get solved in the first episode. 

Since then, her motivation has been to live her life without these big mysterious Fae governments telling her what to do. In the first episode, Bo, like Lou Ann, says that she chooses humans. Bo was raised human and wants a normal human life, or as normal as she can get. At the same time, most of the other characters on the show, including her friends, spend a lot of time trying to convince her to embrace her Fae identity and a Fae lifestyle, because it’s “who she is” and she has no choice but to embrace that. “Choice” is a keyword that gets thrown around a lot in this show. But what is the show really trying to say about it? There’s some kind of nature vs. nurture conflict going on here, and I don’t feel like either Bo or the show itself has really decided on which side of the line they fall. On another note, this show has huge Fuck the System vibes. Which I appreciate. We stan an icon who chooses to reject a static, repressive, harmful system even at great personal cost.

A few episodes ago, Bo and Lauren went on a mission together and cemented their bond of trust. In this scene, Lauren breaks that trust. 

She sleeps with Bo to distract her from going after Vex, under the pretense that it is simply the culmination of them both being attracted to one another. The next morning, it doesn’t take long for Bo to figure this out. She is appropriately hurt. She has feelings for Lauren, there was an intimacy there, and she trusted her in a way that she doesn’t normally trust other people, because of her past. Lauren took advantage of her feelings and used her. Whether Lauren wanted to do it or not, whether she had any way of refusing, isn’t relevant in this moment; it was cruel regardless.

But what does Lauren say?

“I haven’t done anything wrong.”

Oop. There it is. There’s the Lauren I remember.

She hasn’t done anything wrong, y’all. Well, I’ll be damned. Lauren never did anything wrong ever in her life. *Lauren did nothing wrong meme*

The way Lauren says this line, with so much conviction, makes me feel like she genuinely believes it. She believes that she did nothing wrong. She is legitimately deluded about what just happened.

This is only the first in what I remember to be a very long string of instances where Lauren pushes blame onto others and denies any culpability in her shitty actions. At least, in this case, Bo isn’t buying it.

Waiting for Bo in the most extra-ass, goth, flamboyant setup possible is exactly the kind of quality villainy I expect from Vex.

It’s criminal that Bo never gets to use this awesome sword.

And…I love that Vex just gets to walk out of there, laughing. Because the system. And he’s not even really evil. He’s just a sadistic asshole. With a job. It’s. *chef’s kiss*

[shadowsof-thenight]

Where our story begins: chapter three

Story summary: This is a victorian era AU Home is where our story begins, but how does one know where home is? 


Julia has a good life. A calm life. She really doesn’t have much to complain about. That is, until a handsome stranger steps into their home in the country and all that calmness seems to disappear instantly. Who is this man that seems to terrorise everyone with his haugthy ways?


Ship: Bucky Barnes X OFC-Julia

Warnings: none here, I think...

Words: 5079

***

A/N: Going back to work has proved to be a bigger challenge than I could’ve ever imagined. Combined with the less than perfect news from the doctors, I have been struggling to find the time and energy to write for long stretches of time. However, when I do write, I am usually happy with it so there’s that.

Anyway, I made a mistake in the previous chapter, turning Mary into Maria. Not sure how it happened, but it did and I will fix it. To avoid any confusion, Mary the chambermaid is not part of the MCU, which was why she wasn’t called Maria in the first place haha.

Forgive me for any mistakes you might find in this one, feel free to inform me of them so I can fix it. I work without a beta for this story and English isn’t my first language.

And as always, feedback is appreciated!

If you wish to be tagged, let me know! Edit april 22nd 2020: I replaced the chapter with a beta-ed version. Beta work done by @gnomewithalaptop​!

***

Masterlist                                              

Story Masterlist

***

Previous chapter

Chapter three

Julia was apprehensive as she slowly walked downstairs for breakfast the following morning. She had almost asked to have her meal in her room, but a pointed look from Mary had been enough to dissuade her from that plan. She was a big girl; she shouldn’t avoid situations like that. In regular fashion, this meal would be another group event, much like dinner had been, and she wasn’t particularly looking forward to it. She wondered if she would be able to face their guest and his lingering gaze. Still, her mother would appreciate her presence, which was why she had finally left her room. She could only hope that the buffet set up off the morning’s meal would aid her in avoiding that gaze that had made her feel so uncomfortable.

She was the first to enter the dining room, where their youngest footman Charlie greeted her happily. Julia smiled back despite her soured mood. The young man had that effect on people. Charlie was always happy, smiling brightly and he treated everyone around him with such kindness that it often inspired good behaviour. Julia had yet to meet anyone that did not like him. It had been four years since he began working for her family, and she knew that her mother had not regretted hiring him for a single moment. Of course, he had come highly recommended by Jones, and Jones had proven the value of his judgement many times during his tenure with them, which was why Josephine often asked him for his opinion, not just with employees. An act that was not really done in their circles, but it had ensured the unending loyalty of the man that ran their household staff.

Julia took a plate and filled it with fruits and dried meats before taking a seat at the table, choosing the same chair as the previous night. It was her seat every meal, unless they had a house full of guests. Charlie poured her some tea and she sipped it, relishing in the silence. The calm before the storm, she thought and repressed a chuckle. As she popped a grape into her mouth, footsteps could be heard from behind her, alerting her to the arrival of another person. She fought the urge to turn her head towards the sound, her curiosity nearly getting the better of her. Charlie’s cheerful greeting, however, informed her that it was her mother that walked down the hallway.

Josephine’s hand brushed Julia’s back in greeting as she walked by to fill her own plate. As soon as she came into view of her daughter, she flashed her a bright smile. A genuine one, Julia realised. Not a word was spoken as Josephine moved around the room, finally sitting down in her chair at the head of the table. The atmosphere in the room was light and easy, which Julia enjoyed. She was never one for conversation this early in the day.

“Good morning, Lord Barnes,” Charlie spoke with a more formal tone, informing the women in the room of the presence of their approaching guest. Julia had heard his soft steps, foolishly hoping that they had been her father’s, even though his steps had never been quite that light.

Julia notably stiffened as he came closer, bracing herself for the fake well wishing she would be expected to utter in a moment. Her annoyance quickly heightened when the man only grunted in reply to their footman. Was he unable to show kindness, Julia wondered.

Lord Barnes avoided the richly decorated buffet and sat down across from Julia. Charlie was quick to offer some tea and Lord Barnes immediately began drinking it. He looked tired—no, exhausted—and out of his element. And though it was wrong, his current demeanour filled her with glee, her own aversion to the early hours soon forgotten as she kept a watchful eye on him.

“I hope the room was to your liking, James,” Josephine wondered, her voice hopeful and a bright smile covering her face.

He looked up, silent as he clearly pondered the proper reply. Julia feared for a long quiet moment, that he might insult her mother outright. Or, perhaps she hoped for it, since it would fuel her fire and definitely stop her parents from wishing for an amiable match between her and this man. However, she was surprised when he breathed in deeply, releasing slowly and forced an actual smile upon his lips. That was new.

“It is a beautiful accommodation, my Lady; unfortunately I often have trouble sleeping after a long journey.”

His answer was surprisingly honest, refreshingly void of incivility and Julia was shocked by it. When she had gone down that morning, she had been ready for a fight—to defend her mother. And there he was, putting a stop to her righteous anger. If she lashed out now, she would do her mother a great disservice, which was the very last thing she would ever want to do. He stole her thunder, without even knowing it, and it caused quite some indignation on her part. Earlier that morning, Mary had pressed her to give him the benefit of the doubt. She had suggested that he perhaps had been tired from his travels and that a night’s rest might transform him into better company. Julia now realised that she would have to agree that this might have been the case, as horrible as that was, and she resigned herself to the knowing look she would receive from her friend later on. As she nibbled on the rest of her food, she repressed the sigh threatening to leave her lips and readied herself to play the pleasant host so as to support her mother's efforts.

As per usual, Josephine tried her best to spark some conversation. She commented on the food, the weather, and the dinner party that they would be hosting the following week. She also began to tell Lord Barnes that with the sun out, the area in which they lived was a beautiful sight to behold and that people fancied walking. Before she could offer Julia’s company to their guest in a suggested stroll, which she knew her mother would soon do, Julia interrupted the flow of the words by politely inquiring who the attending guests would be for the dinner party.

Josephine barely seemed to register the ulterior motive her daughter had for the interruption, instead glad for the interaction that was finally occurring and happy to elaborate on the subject. This caused her mother to jump into a rather lengthy explanation behind the reason for the party—she wanted to introduce Lord Barnes to their friends and family. Upon her daughter’s quickly broadening smile, she smiled kindly and began to tell her who had been invited.

“Early this morning I received the final confirmation,” Josephine was giddy with excitement and it only fed into Julia’s feelings. She had no confirmation yet, but there were a few people she hoped to see.

Josephine went on to tell the two people at the table that their nearest neighbour, Lord Rumlow—one of the bachelors her parents had invited to dinner in the previous months—would also be attending. From the corner of her eye she noticed Lord Barnes snap his head up, apparently interested in the conversation now. Josephine didn’t acknowledge the change and simply continued talking, saying that her brother, Lord Philip Coulson of Cambridgeshire, and his wife Melinda would also be in attendance, as would his son, Julia’s favourite cousin, Clint. He would bring his growing family along. Finishing the group was Julia’s brother Alexander, alongside his wife Carolina. Her brother would then proceed to be a guest in the manor for another fortnight. All negativity that had been building up in Julia’s mind instantly evaporated, and she clapped her hands excitedly.

Alexander had married Carolina two years ago, after which he had only been able to visit his family twice. Julia and her parents had unfortunately not been in the position to return that favour at all. Alexander had taken over many of her father's duties at court, taking his place in parliament and a large portion of his business. Julia had missed her brother a great deal and was glad to spend time with him and his lovely wife soon. Carolina had been her friend at court, and she would be delighted to receive news from their other friends that still lived in London.

Julia had also been away from her cousin for far too long. He and his wife Natalia had invited Julia over when their twins had been born, and she had stayed for nearly two months on their estate in Kent. It had been a wonderful time, and she understood why they preferred their estate in the country. Besides, her uncle wasn’t too keen on giving up his place with the queen just yet. Julia adored the family; the twins had been a delight as babies and she hoped that had not changed now that they were toddlers. She also hoped they would still remember her, though there was little hope. They had been very small when she’d last seen them.

With a new spring in her step, Julia excused herself from the table, intending to spend some time in the confines of her room. There was a book she had been hoping to read, and perhaps she would even write Natalia and Carolina to share her excitement concerning their impending reunion.

Before she retreated to her room though, she looked for Jones, hoping to get an explanation for her father’s uncharacteristic absence from breakfast. Jones kindly informed her of the head cold that had struck her father, restricting him to his bed. The kind butler assured her that bedrest would soon have him back on his feet, but Julia still worried and inquired if a doctor had been called. Jones confirmed that this had been done, and they should expect a visit later that day. Still, Jones pressed, there was no need for worry.

Julia vowed to herself that she would visit her father before the day was done, though she needed to get her letters out first. After all, time was of the essence if she wished them to reach the recipients before they began their journey south. Therefore, she continued her way to her room, leaving the entrance hall behind her and stepping on the first step of the grand staircase. She had been about to leap across the steps, giddy and in a rush to start writing, when a throat was cleared behind her. Despite her desire to keep walking, she turned towards the sound and hoped that the fake smile she plastered on her lips at least appeared kind to the observer.

“My lady,” Lord Barnes said, dipping his head to her in an unexpected sign of etiquette. She chewed on the inside of her cheek to keep from remarking on it; after all he had not shown much knowledge of customs, or perhaps it was a mere disinterest in them.

“My lord,” she replied instead, making an awkward curtsy as she turned her entire body towards him without stepping off the step she was on.

“My apologies for keeping you from your destination, but I was hoping to ask you a question,” the tone of his voice was smooth and light, the words utterly polite.

“Please do,” Julia said with a nod and a smile, hoping to be done quickly, though she had an inkling that this would not be the case.

“Would you be so kind as to accompany me on a walk later this morning, if the weather permits it?” He asked, and Julia had to fight to keep the shock from her face. She bit her lip, her eyes widening a fraction, before she composed herself.

She had successfully thwarted her mother in suggesting this earlier, only to have him pose the question himself. She had won no ground by her clever interruption. It had not occurred to her that he would want to take a walk with her; she figured he abhorred her company. He had not yet spoken more than a few words to her, which also made her wonder what they would discuss on this stroll. Still, Julia knew she could not decline this direct inquiry even if she wasn’t eager to accept. However, before she was able to utter a single word, her mother walked up behind them and answered enthusiastically for her.

“She would be absolutely delighted, James. Wouldn’t you, Julia?” She asked, giving her daughter a pointed look from behind their guest.

Julia’s eyes widened again momentarily, before she smiled again and nodded, agreeing with her mother that she would indeed be delighted to accompany him. The fresh air would do her good, she added, hoping to at least seem somewhat genuine, for she was certain that he must have witnessed the surprise in her eyes at her mother's words.

Gratitude filled her when at that exact moment, Maudlin and Mary could be heard exiting the kitchen while discussing the linens that they would have to bring in before the rain ruined them. Julia suppressed a sigh of relief, excused herself with the explanation of her letters, and rushed up the stairs to her room, though not before she had promised to find their guest once the rain cleared up.

The moment the door closed behind her, Julia released the sigh she’d been holding, following it with a groan of annoyance. This was not how she had imagined her morning to go. And though the rain had provided her with some reprieve, she knew it would be impossible to avoid the man for long. The deep dark grey of the sky was already showing signs of easing in the distance and she knew the showers would not last too long, unlike yesterday’s downpour, which had lasted well into the night. Eventually, Lord Barnes would come to collect her, and she would have to attempt to keep a pleasant demeanour with him.

***

James sighed heavily as he stared out the window, regarding the dreary weather that was currently raging just beyond the glass he sat behind. It felt fitting, quite similar to his ongoing mood. The winds that had ravaged the area yesterday had slowed considerably, but the rain was as persistent as ever. Despite the fact that the morning was well underway, it was still rather dark out.

It had been so bad that a maid had come to light his lamps only moments earlier. It was in that moment that he’d realised that the household still used oil rather than kerosene, and another sigh had escaped him. He knew exactly why they had not made the change, though he wondered if the parents had been open about this to their children. Julia didn’t seem to be aware of their situation.

He glanced around his room once more. The colours that adorned the manor had obviously been chosen very carefully and with a keen eye, and he was certain that the shine of a kerosene lamp would’ve illuminated those far better. It was a shame really.

James had quickly come to regret his choice to come to this part of the country and almost wished he had remained at court. Not because he particularly liked the politics that would surround him there, but because he still had plenty of business to conduct before he could return home. And he really wished to return home, for it had been far too long since he had seen the red bricks of his estate or the kind blue eyes of his mother, who currently resided in the home. He missed it and the peace of mind that always seemed to surround him there.

However, he had allowed George to convince him to come here instead. They too had important business to complete, and George had known it could not be avoided much longer. James had concurred, though he wondered just what George would be able to offer him. He had hoped to discuss the matter last night, but his host had claimed illness and retired soon after dinner had concluded, leaving James with no other choice than to do the same. He had vowed to himself that he would get his answers this morning.

His expectations for his lodgings had been low, but he had been pleasantly surprised. The room had been warm, the decor inviting, and the bed far more comfortable that he had thought it would be. His day had been more exhausting than he liked to admit, though sleep didn’t come easily. He had still been awake to hear the thunder cease its efforts hours after he had entered his room. The rain had still been pounding against his window then, and though others called the sound soothing, it infuriated him and kept him from dozing off. It wasn’t until the rain had softened considerably in the early hours of the morning that he had finally succumbed to his fatigue.

After a few short hours of sleep, when he had come to the breakfast table, the exhaustion had still overwhelmed him. Especially when he had been informed that George would not be joining them. Apparently he really had gotten ill and was unable to leave his bed. James wanted to be angry and he certainly felt annoyance, though there was also a pang of guilt in his chest. He knew that George was a man of principles and that he valued appearances, he would not skip a meal with his guests in an attempt to avoid them. He was clever enough to delay unwanted business in more sophisticated ways.

With another sigh, James stood up from his seat by the window and began pacing the room. He felt somewhat like a caged animal, which did nothing to improve his mood. The weather had already soured it enough. He was well aware that he had not been a gracious guest, which had only managed to further highlight the kindness that the lady of the house bestowed upon him. He felt another pang of guilt over it, though he was not entirely convinced that he would be able to drastically change his behaviour. He found it impossible to forget why he was here or the events that preceded his arrival. He just wanted to get things done and move on. From the issue and this place.

The damp caused by the weather was now seeping through the walls, and a chill could be felt in the room despite the roaring fire, and he grabbed his thick robe to wear over his clothes. He really wanted to keep warm. The pain that the chill and damp caused would be detrimental to his already bad attitude, and he was still hoping to improve it. Lady Josephine deserved as much. Besides, he wasn’t ready to let anyone notice his agony; it would only lead to questions that he wasn’t willing to answer. Not to these people, not in this place. It was yet another reason why he wanted to return home.  

***

An hour or two passed before the weather finally turned around and a sliver of sunlight forced its way through the clouds. Julia wasn’t sure if she should be delighted or apprehensive—or perhaps the combination of the two. The persistent rain wasn’t good for the farmers in the area after the drought they had endured during the summer months, and she worried for them.

With determination, she got up, fixed her hair in the mirror and inspected her dress. It was a checkered piece, red, green, and black. The neckline was black lace that created a high cover, obscuring her neck from view. The lace returned at the bottom of the sleeves and the train. She had carefully chosen it with the weather in mind. The unavoidable puddles would ruin a light dress. She found no imperfections on the dress and resigned herself to the role of dutiful daughter, leaving the room in search of the lord currently residing in the most luxurious guest room their manor held.

She did not have to look far, for the man had already departed from his own room and made his way to the grand staircase. He was talking to one of his own employees and had yet to notice her. His hands waved animatedly, and for a moment she thought he was merely explaining something. However, as she moved closer, she noticed the anger on his face. Struck with the sudden desire to listen in, she almost ducked into the shadows of the dimly lit hallway. She would love to know what angered him so. Yet, she composed herself and made sure to make some sound as she came closer, loudly greeting the maid that was walking past.

She noticed that Lord Barnes snapped his head in her direction, rolling his shoulders and taking a few deep breaths before he walked towards her. She smiled kindly, wondering if she should brace herself for the sour mood he appeared to be in. His valet curtsied, before taking the steps two at a time, rushing down. Julia followed him with her eyes, trying to imagine just what he could be rushing off to, before turning her attention back to the man standing next to her. For once, there was no smirk adorning his features as he regarded her, but an actual smile. One that still didn’t seem to reach his eyes. She wondered just what weighed on him, for she could not imagine someone that never truly smiled.

“My lady, would it be possible to steal you away for that walk now?” He asked politely, and though part of her still wished she could decline, she was intrigued by the man. He still made her somewhat uncomfortable, perhaps because he was so difficult to read, and his behaviour the previous evening still plagued her mind, even if he did show marginally better conduct this morning.

She nodded instead, a small smile playing on her lips so as not to show any unease. He offered her his arm and guided her down the stairs. Not a word was spoken until they reached the bottom, and Julia was glad for it. She didn’t know what to say to him, which subjects to breach or avoid.

Glancing around in search of Mary, who had been assigned as their chaperone, she wasn’t surprised to see the woman round the corner that exact moment. She had clearly been keeping an eye on the weather, much like Julia had. She curtsied, and Jones walked in their direction with their coats.

Julia noticed that his coat had extra lining and wondered why someone would wear such a warm coat this time of the year. That was when she saw which frock Jones had gotten her. Not the light overcoat that she had worn these past few weeks, but a warmer one.

“My apologies, Lady Julia; I took the liberty to get a warmer coat since the winds and rain have considerably cooled the air,” Jones explained, and Julia smiled at his consideration.

“Thank you, Jones. I appreciate the consideration. I hadn’t realised.”

Not long after, she found herself outside, huddled in the long coat and suppressing a shudder as the icy winds swept over the landscape and pulled at her hair. Perhaps it was the contrast with the previous warm weather, but it suddenly seemed far too chilly for the time of the year, and she was even more grateful for Jones’s quick thinking.

Slowly, they walked around the manor, towards the path that would take them around their grounds and towards the nearest town. She didn’t know if he wanted to walk that far, but it was probably the best path to brave after all the rain. Any other path she could think of would have been absolutely riddled with puddles and mud. Still, it took them some navigating to get around any and all puddles that adorned this path.

“I’m beginning to think we should have taken a ride in my carriage instead,” Lord Barnes said softly, and she glanced at his face without an immediate response. She wasn’t entirely sure how to reply.

“Do you wish to return?” She finally asked, and he shook his head with a smile. A real one.

“I prefer walking, though I do not wish for your dress to be ruined,” he explained, and she could not help but smile as she assured him her dress would be fine. This was a kindness she had not expected from him. She didn’t bother telling him that she too preferred walking. After the short exchange, they continued to walk in silence, with Mary a short distance behind them.

Lord Barnes offered his hand to help her manoeuvre around the few fresh puddles they encountered, once even bending down to lift her dress over them. He was behaving as a perfect gentleman, and Julia had trouble reconciling this side of him with the one he had shown her before. He even tried more than once to get a conversation going, but Julia had difficulty playing the role of the dutiful hostess that she had vowed to take on. She felt that the slights towards her mother were too great to ignore.

“Can I ask what brought you here?” She finally asked, opting for this rather than the questions she really wanted answered; perhaps she could work up to those.

“Your father invited me.” He didn’t seem fazed by her impertinent inquiry.

“Where did you meet him?” It was hard to take the time for a build up of questions; she had never been the most patient person and preferred bluntness. Still, she did not want to shame her parents more than she was already doing by asking for answers she wasn’t necessarily privy too.

“At court,” he said and paused. She almost wondered if that was all she would receive when he finally began to elaborate. “Like you, I was there for most of my childhood. Our families have always done business with one another.”

“My apologies. I do not recall,” Julia was quick to offer as her cheeks turned pink. It occurred to her that she had been quite rude by not knowing these answers. She should have just asked her mother.

“Don’t atone for an imperceptible slight, my Lady; you were young.” He chuckled. “I left early for my studies. We would not have crossed paths often. When I returned, you had already relocated here.”

“I see. Does your father still reside at court?”

“No, my father passed away some time ago”

“My condolences. I did not mean to pry.” Julia hung her head, realising that she might not get to the questions that were burning in her mind. She did not want to seem insensitive to his loss.

“Thank you.” He pursed his lips and looked straight ahead. “I took over after that, though I prefer Sheffield over court.”

“I see.” She nodded, unsure where to go from this.

The silence that followed hung heavily between them and lasted far longer than she would have wished for. Julia was mulling over the questions she wished to ask him and the proper way to construct them. Finally the words just burned on her tongue, and she realised that perhaps she should just spew them.

“Did you not wish to be here then?” She tentatively began, and he seemed shocked by her words, whipping his head in her direction. She could hear the sudden intake of breath behind her and knew that Mary had heard every word. A pink tinge spread on her cheeks more violently now, but she couldn’t take it back. The harm had been done. She could only hope for his leniency.

“I have some business to conduct with your father. After which I do hope to return home speedily,” he answered finally, and Julia studied his features as he did. He appeared genuine.

“I wonder,” she stopped herself. This was perhaps the hardest part, but she felt that she was at the point of no return. She really wished to be answered, hopefully without ruining her parents’ reputation in the process.

“Yes, my Lady?” He pressed, a kind look on his face, and it gave her the courage to continue.

“Have my parents wronged you?” She finally asked and took a deep breath as she looked at him. They had stopped walking, and stood facing one another, Mary still keeping a few steps distance between them.

“My apologies, I don’t think I understand,” he said, a look of shock crossing his features.

“Last night it appeared that you could not repay the kindness that my mother bestowed upon you.” Her heart hammered in her chest; there was no telling how he would respond. It was improper to be this blunt, especially with someone she barely knew. He could easily ruin her reputation and that of her parents. He was part of the Queen’s inner circle; his word would overpower hers in the court of public perception.

James was silent, staring down at her, and she shifted under his intense gaze. She wished he would speak, but when he did not, she decided to elaborate. There was very little to lose now. “It appeared that she had been nothing but gracious, and yet you did not repay her in kind.”

“Indeed, Lady Josephine is a very sophisticated lady. I shall apologise when I see her,” he smiled as he spoke and offered her his arm once more, to continue their walk into town.

Julia was stunned. She had not expected him to agree with her, she had prepared for a verbal lashing, anger, revulsion. Instead he promised to apologise. All the anger that had been building up inside of her suddenly evaporated with this unsuspected change of events. She truly did not understand this man. Julia glanced behind and saw Mary’s wide eyes and open mouth. She had shocked her maid and could only hope that the woman would remain quiet on the subject. She really didn’t want anyone in the manor to know about this. She had been mortified enough by her own brazen actions.

***

Next Chapter

[loki-of-war]

On the future of TWD

(EDIT: Reposting due to a formatting error)

So I’ve seen a lot of people commenting and sharing their opinions lately on how Chandler’s departure will affect the show, if it will survive this hit or not, for how many seasons more will TWD run, etc, etc. And I decided, now that I’m thinking more rationally (I hope) and I’m able to form understandable sentences, to share my honest thoughts with you lovely people on this entire mess.

Which is as follows: I give the show a minimum lifespan of ten seasons (meaning, the show will end in two more seasons) and a maximum of twelve seasons in total. This is my verdict, feel free to disagree with me.

Now onto explaining why I think this is so:

I can sort of see why old fans who left and people who have never liked Carl or feel lukewarm about him are happy this death is going to happen. But on the other side I'm thinking this kind of mentality is the reason why the show gets away with terrible decisions and why they keep making them over and over, declining in quality. I don't think it's right to condone mediocrity; this is from someone like me who has stayed on the TWD's side so far hoping they'd find the right footing at some point this season  (then, obviously, because why wouldn’t they, my patience and tolerance was rewarded with this haha). And as I mentioned in a previous comment I made on YT, no matter what the public's feelings for Carl are, they won't change the importance of his role in the plot and his fundamental connection to Rick (this latter element has an effect on the whole cast, for better or for worse).

But anyway, Carl's death is going to change the entire mood of the series from now on so it definitely will never be as it once was and I think because of that the story will slowly bleed out. I mean, Carl has been the greatest determinator for every single one of Rick's decisions the entire show, and not only that but what he symbolised as a character, the hope for a better future, is gone now. What do children, sons, daughters, symbolise in every universal story? The next generation, what comes after, that not everything is going to be screwed up forever; especially after seeing how unmerciful TWD's world has proven to be for children and having Carl be the only exception to this 'kids cannot survive this world' rule has sort of become a moot point thanks to the...current circumstances.

Rick's and Lori's speeches to Carl in seasons 2 and 3 respectively justify this way of thinking: that after everyone from their generation (the adults) dies, Carl will have to take the reins and move on. I refuse to believe any writer with common sense would write such important pieces of dialogue just because they felt like it, just because they're emotional words without any other kind of meaning behind them. That is just lazy and awful writing in my opinion. Why write these poignant moments only to have the kid killed long before the end of the series? Why write/do anything if those things are going to be ignored later down the line, nevermind that every piece in a story must connect with the others? Why bother teaching him this morality lessons if they're all going to go to waste anyway; if he will never have a character arc/storyline that is plot relevant where his morals are challenged? (Good on you, whoever made the call, for missing out on possible great storylines for Carl that would have improved viewing and the quality of the show). That doesn't make a bit of sense, unless that what they were looking for was to give the events leading up to his sudden death some twist of irony, and that'd be perfect and all, except that Carl dying was so not part of the plan (the improvisation is so obvious it hurts me in the balls I don't have) and even the way his death was set up was graceless-the bite- and not something one would expect from the same people who made/directed/wrote/produced Season 4. In other words, killing him was basically flipping off the idea of a future in the face, whether they meant to do that or not, and this is bound to turn the overall mood the series to a much grim and darker tone to an already heavy themed and toned series. Many people won't find themselves too content with that heavier tonal change, I think, if the ratings for season 7 are to be trusted.

Ignoring that the conclusion to this was having him die though,  I do have to say the actual set up in the mid season finale itself was beautiful and emotional (Chandler's acting was on point, he was the star of this episode), but the chain of actions leading up to it was lackluster. With lackluster I mean that he is a very important character that has literally been wasted for far too long; if you look at his progression throughout the seasons you'll realize he has not done much from a plot perspective despite being a main character. Therefore, his death feels unsatisfactory and empty because one can't help but feel that he hasn't nearly done as much as he should have. What he did to save his people in the mid season finale was amazing but it wasn't enough to make up for a notorious lack of screen time over full eight seasons, moreover if the motivations that drove him to that point, to that mentality, to that philosophy, don't make sense because his personality has made a one eighty from how he was the previous season with no type of prior explanation as to why that happened.

It may not seem like it but I'm actually a huge fan of angst and favorite-character-slaughter. I love when books, music, movies, videogames, series make me suffer (great examples of this are my undying love for Hannibal the tv show and that my favorite videogames are the ones directed by this one man, life destroyer actually, called Yoko Taro). Perhaps that is another reason why I'm being so critical with the choice to kill Carl (asides from the horrible decision-making and poor writing), because I love being hit in the feels in the best way possible, without holding back any punches, just go straight for the kill and make me cry like a newborn. However, I don't like tragedy when it's done for shock value, or when it's done simple-mindedly. If a favorite character of mine is going down, it has to make sense and they must have had filled out their purpose in the story, reached a state of character development we're all satisfied with so that when they die one can accept it and be happy despite the possible trauma that could ensue after (well, one can't exactly pin point when that happens, when enough is enough, but to have had the character embark on a lot of adventures even without them accomplishing their purpose, is enough to embrace their death). I guess what I'm trying to say with all this is that, while on one hand I would have preferred him outliving everybody else, if they were still so adamant on having him die at some point of the story (as if killing Carl had actually been part of a long term plan and not some last minute decision) they should have developed him first and foremost, and then assign him a proper death in later seasons, most preferably before the last season ends given that him dying before Rick is several different levels of wrong; if he wasn't such a huge part of Rick's character then fine, do it, but putting and end to him is equal to neutralizing Rick for literally years, which is time that both a comic and a tv show cannot afford, so to do it near the end of everything would be a better fit.

And, I don't know, even having Judith fill the void won't be of much help either, because we haven’t and we won't see her grow the same way we did Carl, her relationship with Rick will be vastly different, and so on. Probably this is just me but I'm not really attached to her; Judith so far is to me only a concept and not actually a person (yet). The fact that they keep changing the little baby girls who portray her doesn't really help, that gets me out of the story everytime. She just can't replace Carl, she might take his future storylines but it won't be the same. Besides, by the time she grows up, she’ll already be deep into this world, this is her normal life and probably by that time things will have changed.

So basically, not only in killing Carl they destroyed the image of a future, they have killed a foundational part of the essence that made The Walking Dead be The Walking Dead we all knew and loved, and that will never return. Also, allow me to point out that for those who think that The Walking Dead is about people dying whenever and wherever, and the cruel injustice that is life, I am not going to say that your interpretation is wrong but it is an incomplete one. The audience doesn’t watch TWD only to see tons of MC’s get murdered on a daily basis. Otherwise, why bother with investing time on a plot and just have them all killed at once. The soul of TWD is not about senseless killing and murder and tragedy and sadness. Simplifying it all to ‘this show is about the possibility of anybody dying/gore/zombies/etc’ is a great disservice to the show and the fans. Obviously, I am not neither the writer of the show or Robert Kirkman to claim to know to a T what the central theme of The Walking Dead is, and for full disclosure I have not read the comics. Nonetheless, basing my personal opinion on the tv show alone, I would like to think one of the core themes the show has explored and returns to time and time again is the topic in regards to the essence of human nature, and how in spite of apparent doom and the horrible circumstances we are forced to face, humans will always find the way to move forwards and stay strong, ergo, the message is a positive one, not a negative one, depressing, nihilistic one. And what better character to portray this versatility of human nature, this capacity for change, other than Carl Grimes, a child of transition, a child who was pulled out of his normal childhood and thrown right into the chaos of the apocalypse? A boy who has witnessed inhumane things, horrible things, has killed his mother, his second father figure, has done awful things himself, has always been toeing the line between right and wrong, cruel and kind, because of all the experiences he has had to process in a very short period of time? He was obligated to grow in a decaying world, watching his father and the ones surroundind him make mistakes, learning from them, evolving, seeing close ones die, starving, surviving insane experiences... If someone like that manages to grow in such a hostile environment and still remains true to himself and still has not lost faith in the world and humanity, and keeps close all the meaningful, important things his family and friends told him in the course of his entire life and not only that, but also applies them... What does that mean for you, to you? What does it mean for us? What does it say about human nature that hasn’t been told before or not quite in this manner?

Well, that is the point. I guess we will never get to find out in the Tv Show the answer to those questions. Regrettably.

If, and just if, the show manages to recover from this point onwards, I still have no idea how I'd feel about having the show thrive on the tails of throwing under the bus such a key character with no legitimate reasons behind the choice (don't even get me started on what they've done to poor Chandler). I'll still watch the show but I would be incredibly uncomfortable if that is how it turns out to be.

Finally, I apologize for any grammar mistakes or awkward phrasing you may find, it’s way too late to be doing such a long post and English is not my main language. Please don’t be afraid or feel awkward about replying to this post, even if it’s to hate on it. I really don’t mind having a long conversation about this topic with you all since I’ve literally been dying since Sunday night to discuss it.

Thank you so much for reading!

[taki118]

What Time Allows Us

Samurai Jack semi AU fanfic oneshot, (I just needed get my feels out ok will be posting to other sites eventually) has jashi but more just what I hoped to have had happened. (Multiverses for the win!)

Summary: In the years following the finale, Jack has resigned himself to the daze of everyday life when a surprising visit brings him even more surprising news.

He wasn't sure how much time had passed since that day. Time meant so little now, but when he looked in the mirror, there were signs of change. Fine wrinkles now appeared where there was once only smooth skin, bits of grey poking out of his jet black hair. Now that he was back in the past, or rather the present, it seemed he was able to age once more. Still, Jack hardly noticed. The days, they seemed to mesh together for him. It worried his parents; but after fifty years of constant fighting, this peace was nice. Though, he could not deny, it would be much more enjoyable if she were here.

“Son…” His mother started hesitantly over her tea, rubbing the smooth stone in a worried manner. “We know what you went through was difficult but…..you just seem…” Jack watched her from over his cup, confused. He’d never seen her so concerned, it was odd.

His father interrupted. “Listless, without drive or purpose. I know this is partially our doing. We raise you to defeat Aku, but little else. We are just worried that you are…”

Jack raised a hand to silence his father, gently placing his own cup down.

“I am sorry that my behavior has worried you both. But you have no need to fear, I am just enjoying the serenity. It would do her a disservice for me to loose myself in grief.” Yes, he knew this to be true. But some days he could not help but lose himself in the memories of her, no matter how short their time together was. He would not lose himself again. His parents gave him small smiles before glancing at each other, then back to him.

“Well then maybe you’d- uh- be open to-” His father stuttered awkwardly. Jack gave him a confused look. “A meeting for an arranged….”

Before the emperor could utter another word a loud boisterous noise came from the town's square through the ope window. A noise Jack couldn’t help but feel was familiar, but no it could not be. Still he rushed out, without a word, towards the square. The noises becoming more understandable the closer he got.

“Oi you see my buddy, Jack?” He heard, that name had not been uttered in so long. “Hey I’m talking to you!! Have you seen Jack?” That grating voice. Jack never thought he’d be so happy to hear it again. His feet seemed to move faster and faster with each stride.

“Daaaaaadddddd, you can’t keep yelling at people like that.” It was strange how nostalgic the scene before him made him feel. The rowdy Scotsman, still a ghost, the man would never be at rest, with his daughter arguing in the middle of the town square surrounded by confused and scared villagers. Acting as though they were the only people there.

“Prince!” One of the villagers shouted.

“You have to help us! These people are looking for someone named Jack. They will not leave.” Another cried having come up to him, the Emperor and Empress following a ways behind.

“JACK BOYO!” The spirit shouted floating up and trying to hug the man, his arms passing right through him. “Haha right I keep forgetting that, Flora dear help yer daddy and hug Jack fer me.”

With an exasperated sigh the woman approached the far smaller man. “Sorry about this.” She lifted Jack up in a tight, almost painful embrace. “I know it's a little weird…” She said putting him down.

“No, no. I understand. You father is very….” He stopped thinking for a moment before saying “Adamant.”

The pair laughed as the specter grumbled shouting “SHUT IT!” This too, strangely enough, he missed.

“Son who are these people?” The Empress asked cautiously a worried expression on her face, and a flush on her cheeks at Flora’s manner of dress.

“And why are they calling you Jack?” Asked the Emperor, seemingly more confused by the talking ghost.

“Well that’s his name.” The Scotsman defended..

“Well yes in a manner of speaking.” Jack corrected. The spirit frowned.

“WHAT?! Either it is or it isn’t”

“Well it both is and isn’t”

“IT ACK it can’t be both!!”

“Well you see when I was sent to the future…”

“You mean to tell me, I didn't even know my best buddies real name!?!”

Everyone watched on as the pair argued over a name. Well, the Scotsman argued. Jack calmly explained himself, only increasing the other man’s ire. Jack missed this too, people in this time never spoke in such informal manner. But in seeing his parents concern Jack ended the argument. “Perhaps we should speak somewhere more... private?” It took a little convincing but eventually the spirit conceded.

“Wow, such a lovely home.” Flora commented never before seeing such architecture.

The Empress smiled at the comment. “Your- um homes are not like this?”

The large girl gently shook her head. “No, ours are made of stone.” If the outside excited her, the inside made her awestruck. Everything looked so delicate, she was almost afraid to step inside.

“You raised such a sweet girl.” The Empress praised the Scotsman.

The spirit swelled with great pride at the comment. “She's me pride and joy.” He sniffed wiping an ethereal tear away. “Well her and my forty others. But Flora’s the eldest and always took the best care of her daddy. Ahhhh she’s almost as gentle and sweet as my dear departed bonnie lass.” Jack nearly dropped the tea a servant kindly brought them at the memory of the man’s …sweet and …delicate wife. “You know  I was hoping yer son there would marry one of em.” He announced, unabashedly.

His daughter flushed, “DDAAADDD!!” deeply embarrassed.

“Well I was. I ain’t no liar, and if he was going to marry anyone’s daughter it shoulda been mine not…” The man had enough decency to catch the look Jack gave, but did not pry. “Well uh anyway…you must be wondering why and how we’re here huh laddie?” He asked a tad more reserved. Jack nodded, curious despite the joy of seeing an old friend. “Well see some of them science-y types said something about converging timelines and alternate planes of whatnot to avoid para….something or other..”

“Paradoxes dad.”

“Right right, that. Basically you got this uh timeline here where you kill Aku before he ruled the world and ours where that girl of yours did it.” The Scotsman was interrupted by the sound of shattering stone. Everyone’s eyes turned to Jack as he stared at the broken teacup lying in a puddle of tea.

“Ashi…..is alive?” He managed to get out, attempting to mask his face. He felt joy, confusion, and sorrow all at once and somehow managing to fail at hiding them all. While his parents looked on in concern and uncertainty, the Scotsman and his daughter nodded.

“Aye, that she is.” He replied.

“After you went back to the past, she came back with yer sword, she sliced and diced until he was nothing!” Flora announced excitedly swinging an imaginary sword as she retold the memory, deeply ingrained in her mind. Jack could almost picture it, his sword had vanished after the final fight he’d always just assumed since the deed was done it was no longer needed but…. “But well we can’t really say Aku is gone.” She continued shyly sitting back down. “I mean Ashi absorbed him into herself. So I guess you could say she’s Aku now….” Jack’s eyes widened at the statement, scared for what had become of her.

“BUT but! She’s using that power for good. She’s been helping the lot of us fight back those degenerates Aku allowed into the world and taking back all the evil he let seep out.” The Scotsman clarified for the worried man. “Folks taken to calling her Empress.” He laughed. “She don’ like that much though.” Flora joined her father in laughter.

Jack smiled to himself, picturing her alive and well in this other world. How many times did he picture that? Far more than he cared to admit he supposed but then… “Why- how are you both here? I thought all of the time portals…”  

The Scotsman nodded with a smirk. “They were but you remember those salamander monks?” Jack nodded recalling how he himself destroyed that portal. “Well that one came back and Flora and I jumped through to get you.” He announced, proud of himself.

“See the other planets that Aku had dealings with have been invadin’ cause... well he's not there to frighten them anymore. Don’ even get me started on the ones who won’ leave. And not everyone trusts Ashi. They think she’s another Aku. Things are a bit crazy right now.” Flora explained further. Discourse had been a natural state in the future. The world had been managed by a singular being of power and without that being to fear, the discourse had run rampant. “Dad and I figured if you came back, you could help bring people together. So we looked for a way to find you.” Their plan made some sense, but Jack could not help but wonder….

“Pardon me.” The Emperor spoke up. “But how exactly did you plan to return.” A look of shock washed over the pair’s faces. “These... time portals you speak of, would you not need one to go back?” For a moment the Emperor grew concerned. “Did you not….”

“DAD! You said you had it all figured out!” Flora shouted across the table.

“I figured it’d sort itself out! Don’t you talk back to your father!”

“I can’t believe you…”

Ducking under the arguing pair the Empress whispered to her son. “They are quite…lively, aren't they?” She smiled, despite her discomfort.

“Yes,” Jack replied, “but very good people at heart.” He smiled, his parents looked to each other, uneasy. One question still plagued Jack’s mind however.

“Why did you use the portal at the spring?” He asked, speaking over their shouting. They stopped arguing abruptly. “Could Ashi not simply make one for you?” She had done so for him and with what they said she was even more powerful than she had been back then.

A silence drew over the two, disquiet settled over the room as the Scotsman and his daughter searched for the right words. Worry washed over Jack, was Ashi perhaps in danger?

Flora took a deep breath, “You see Jack- Ash..i she didn’t…”

The Scotsman quickly shushed his daughter. “Nah nah I’ll handle this dear. Look, Jack- this was all our idea. See laddie, uh um well she…”

“Refuses to allow the Samurai to come to the future.” The voice cut through Jack like a knife. He never dreamt he’d hear it again and yet it sounded wrong somehow.

Without a doubt it was hers, his Parent’s faces mirrored his own shock and disbelief.  A small tear in reality appeared behind the Scotsman, a rippling of white and black that widened until a portal opened, A room visible beyond it, an unfamiliar form standing with their back to them.

“Ashi….” Jack whispered like a prayer.

“I told you two to leave it be.” Her once warm voice sounded cold and distant, Jack wondered just what had happened since he last saw her. “You two may return, but the Samurai stays in the past.” She did not wish to see him, Jack wasn’t sure what crushed his heart more the memory of her disappearing or the knowledge she did not wish to see him.

“But we just thought this would….” Flora started trying to explain their actions.

“I SAID, NO!” She shouted from the void, Her fist lashing out to catch on something out of view. Her shoulders shook in an effort to calm herself, “Come back now your daughters and sisters are worried….” she spoke softer.

“Ashi.” Jack called out, he swore her shoulders stiffened under what he could only assume was a large cloak. “Why won’t you look at me?” He asked staring at her back. She seemed to collect herself for a moment bringing her arms to hold herself steady. “Why will you not speak to me?”

“The Clans girls are worried. They can’t focus on their duties.” She said calmly, refusing to acknowledge Jack’s question. “You must return, now.”

“I WILL NOT LET THEM!” Jack shouted, catching the occupants of the room by surprise. He stood, walking up  to the portal. “Not until you tell me why you refuse to look at me.” He held firm, refusing to blink or move, he wanted to hear her voice, wanted to see her face outside of his memories, outside of his dreams. She was so close and yet so very  far.

A stillness washed over the room, and it felt as though they were the only ones there. Ashi did not speak for a long moment, when she did her voice quivered. “Because I’m afraid….” She confessed softly, Jack’s heart ached.

“Why?” He asked, his pain leaking into his voice. He only wanted to see the face of the woman he loved again. Why was she so afraid?

“I’m afraid I’m not strong enough. I will act selfishly.” Her voice wavered as though she were fighting tears. “I wish the version of me I left with you survived, I hoped against hope that it could have lasted……” He heard her force back tears. His hand seemed to act on its own, reaching out to touch her shoulder but unable to. He wanted to comfort her. Hold her. He understood what Ashi meant. Seeing was not enough was it? He desperately wanted her back. “I can’t take you from the home you longed for, for so long. I can’t throw you back into a war when you’ve only just found peace. No matter how much I want you here, I refuse to make you suffer anymore.”

“What do you mean Ashi?” He was suffering now. Just a little more, he just wanted to hear her voice for just a little longer.

“Our scientists say….” She took a deep breath forcing back her sorrow. “If you jump forward in time again, you will exist outside of time. You will not age, cursed to live endlessly in this world. Never knowing peace…..I can’t condemn you to that,” He remembered the endless days and nights, the longing for change... for an end. “Jack.” She said his name like a prayer. He was undone. “This is my path not yours.”

“And this is my choice not yours.” He replied softly.

“Even if the war ends I may not send you back….”

“This is my war as much as yours.” He argued. “You can’t expect me to not fight for those who fought for me.” She couldn’t expect him to leave her now that he’d found her again.

“You will likely outlive them all, you may even outlive me, and I’ll leave you once more with nothing more than fading memories.”

“Maybe I want more memories to hold onto, there are so few good ones to recall.”

The conversation drifted into silence once more. Ashi tightened her grip on herself. “Please Jack you don’t know what you’re asking of me.” She seemed to calm herself, that cold edge returning to her voice as she began walking away. “The portal will close soon, Flora bring your father through. We have work to do.” Jack watched her until she was out of sight.

“Well…” The Scotsman started, “That wasn’t a no.” He chuckled nervously. “I’d say it’s your choice now laddie.”  The Scotsman drifted through the portal, grinning back at Jack, his daughter following silently in his wake. Jack stood staring after them through the portal.

In the end she didn’t even let him see her. He thought of those he left behind in that future, the chaos it must be in, the weight on Ashi’s shoulders. And yet he could not act as though leaving did not frighten him as well. He would be leaving behind all that he had worked so hard to come back to. His parents would be alone again, and this time he might not ever come back. He would live for eternity, eventually falling back into a monotonous existence.

His mother silently took her son’s left hand, “We know what you are thinking.”

“Mother-” Jack began, trailing off as his father took his right hand.

“You would not be the son we raised if you were not desiring to help those who helped you.”

“Father”

“We will miss you….” His mother began to cry quietly, a wavering smile on her face.

“But maybe you won’t give us a chance to.” He father forced a laugh through tears. The portal began slowly shrinking.

“At least this time we can properly say goodbye.” Jack stepped through the closing portal, his hands slipping out of his parent’s.

“I love you both so much.” He called back before it could shut completely, the magic taking its effect.

“Now I want you to help your sister in quadrant…..” Ashi was spoke.

“JACK LADDIE!” The Scotsman called out. Slowly Jack got to his feet. “AH KNEW YOU COULDN’T  STAY AWAY FROM THE FIGHT MY BOY!” Jack smiled at his friend and in the background he saw the slightest glimmer of Ashi’s face, before she turned back to Flora.

“You are needed in quadrant 45 Scotsman, to inspire your daughters against….” She started that same cold tone as before.

“Ah know Ah know calm yer britches lassie, we’ll be on our way. Jack! You’d better be joining me for a few more scraps before the end of this war!”  His laugh echoed through the white room, it looked familiar and different all at once. Soon only Jack, Ashi and silence remained.

He waited, unsure of what to say, she always made him flounder. She still refused to face him. It wasn’t helping matters. “I …..” He started softly before stepping forward and increasing his volume. “I have missed you, greatly.”

She almost turned, and then hesitated. “I might not appear as you remember.” She said turning her head enough to see her profile but not enough to see her face past her hair, it was longer than he remembered.

“I may not look as you remember either.” He confessed. Time had taken its tolls on him, and in the years of peace he’d allowed himself a more relaxed appearance. He kept his top knot loose so his hair fell to frame his face. He felt he had changed so often he must have lived more lives than most. His Gi hung loose on his body now it made him appear as though he did not belong even in his own time, tied now by a black belt. To show his mourning.

“I have changed over time as well.” She responded. Turning her body slightly towards him, before she stopped herself again. He could see now that what he thought was a cloak was in truth a broad shoulder jacket that came to tatters as it moved across the floor, open enough to see a black body suit underneath with high spiked heels.

Jack waited for her to move. Not wanting to push Ashi more than he had already. Silence hung in the room until her heels clicked along the floor. With each step Jacks heartbeat sped up until she stood before him.

Despite the lack of any definite aging, She somehow appeared older, wiser beyond her years. Her lips were stained a deep, dark red. In the right light, or lack thereof, they appeared almost black. Her eye shadow matched. As she opened her eyes, they shone a bright almost eerie green. The same green of Aku’s skin.

“The power I took from him,” She explained. “Did not leave me unchanged.” And she did not lie Jack now understood what Flora had meant when she said Ashi took Aku’s place. “I must fight it everyday. Part of him is still here. I had to seal him within me.” She brought her black covered hand up over her heart. “I constantly stave off the thoughts he torments me with, the unspeakable atrocities he…..” Ash breathed deep and clenched her chest tight. “There may come a day when I can’t-” She choked on her confession. As though she was telling him her deepest secret. Which it very much may have been.

“Ashi…” His hand rose to cover hers, part of him still thought this was all some cruel dream. But she was solid, real and warm. Their eyes met and her newly green ones were bright with tears, they made him think of the forests she so loved, not Aku.

“Jack…” She sighed, taking his hand in hers and for a brief moment simply enjoying the feeling of it there. “You must promise me something... if you are to stay in this time.” There was a seriousness to her words. Jack nodded, following her as she led him through the room.

They soon stood by the room’s grand doors and Jack was shocked to see his sword once more. Though perhaps in this scenario it was more her sword. “I keep it here, so it's easy to access. I also have several pure hearted warriors within this former castle of Aku.” That explained why it looked so familiar.

“But why?” He asked still wondering if he had the right to hold the sword once more.

“Should the day arrive where I am controlled by this power I possess...It will be easier to kill me.” She spoke as though it were nothing. A simple fact and nothing more. “I need you to promise me Jack, vow on your honor that should this happen you won’t impede what needs to be done.” Her eyes told him as she stared him down ‘You allowed that to happen once’. Her hands picked up the sword with care as though it were the most delicate object in the world. And to her it was. “If you can’t promise me that then I will send you back…..no matter how much I don’t want to.”

Slowly Jack got to his knees before her, before a woman he both did and did not know, and held out his hands to recieve the blade. “I vow on my honor and my family, that should you no longer find yourself in control, that you are no longer acting as yourself that I will strike you down swiftly, sure and true, so that you may never harm those you wish to protect.” Though Jack could not see it but Ashi’s eyes and heart swelled at his vow and carefully she placed the sword back into his hands.

“Then you may stay here,” She said, warmth flooding her voice as it did in his memories. “For as long as you wish.” Or as long as they had. Which was never enough. Never. Something Ashi was all too aware of as she flung her arms around his neck nearly forcing him to the ground as she embraced him tightly. Every instinct she’d been fighting from the moment he came through the portal, one she herself could not walk through, falling away. She felt as though she hadn’t enough hands but settled for the two that threaded threw his silky hair, the other pulling him as close to her as she could.

Although Jack wished he could respond to her passion, her embrace made such action difficult. Instead he simply allowed himself be lost in her touch, her smell, her warmth, Gods above he missed her so much. Soon her lips fell upon his gentle and harsh all once but sweet all the same. The pair thought they might die of happiness there and then. The lovers separated by time itself.

Reluctantly Ashi pulled back when she found Jack struggling for air, a light headedness she too shared. With a bashful smiled she pulled back and got to her feet. “I’ve missed you greatly as well.”

Slowly he rose up coming out of the daze she left him in, placing the sword back on his waist. Feeling whole for the first time in years. Like a piece of himself had been missing. “So what now?” It was almost funny their roles had reversed in this new yet old world he found himself back in.

“Oh well……I normally just monitor things from here.” She answered walking swiftly into the center of the room. Ashi made a few strange gestures as she sat almost childishly on the floor. The room filled with images of everywhere Jack could think of and some places he’d never seen before. “I send reinforcements where needed and command retreats when things look dire. But for the most part…..” She swiped her hand and they disappeared, patting her hand on the floor beside her to sit. “I just wait.”

“You wait?” He asked seating himself next to her. She smiled and nodded. “But would you not be more useful out there?”

“At first I was always on the front lines... or rather I was the front lines.” Her voice grew distant as hugged her knees to her chest, recalling a time so far and yet so close in her mind. “But over time I found it….taxing. Not only my body but my mind as well.” She flicked her hand back and forth. The limb changing from human to something monstrous. “I’d loose myself in the heat of battle, it frightened the people who followed me and I don’t want to do that. So I save myself for the fights that are too dangerous or difficult. A last resort sort of thing, I guess.”

Jack watched her carefully as she spoke. All this time she’d been fighting and struggling, while he’d been enjoying a time of peace for the first time in a long while. He wished he could have made it easier for her. Wished he could have helped take that pain away. All the while Ashi had wished for Jack to be exactly as he was, safe, content and at rest.

“Was I happy there?” She asked. It took Jack a moment to understand what she meant.

“Yes, you were.” He smiled recalling the short time they had together in his time.

“Did I fit in?”

“Oh yes very much so. Mother adored you.”

“She did?”

“Yes, she said you were like the daughter she never had.”

“And the mother I never had…”

“Father found you very favorable as well, you greatly impressed him.”

“It sounds like I enjoyed myself there.”

“Yes. We were nearly married…..”

Jack did not speak or move, losing himself in that day. He often wondered if it would have been better or worse had they been able to finish the ceremony. Suddenly he felt a weight on his shoulder and found Ashi’s head resting there. “You know we’re sort of married now.” He raised a brow to her statement and she smiled, warm and wonderful. It was almost as though nothing had changed. Almost. “You just vowed to stay with me until one of us dies, isn’t that what a marriage is?” Jack found himself smiling despite himself.

“In a manner of speaking, yes. I suppose it is.” He imagined a similar moment he’d shared in the past under a cherry blossom tree with her. The smell in the air was different, but it still felt the same. If this was a dream he silently prayed to never wake. “So just how do you pass the time while you wait?”

“Oh!” She sat up, thinking. “Well I play with some of my more benign abilities.” She outstretched her arm to retrieve Jack an apple from the other end of the room. “Like Shapeshifting, it can be fun.”

“Yes I can see.” He laughed, taking the fruit and placing it down.

“I’ll look over the monitors just to watch people. My favorite is an orphanage we all made. The children always look so happy.” She smiled softly recalling how they played the other day, how she pictured herself and her sisters in their shoes. Had they only the chance. “It’s night where they are now.” She explained as to why she could not show Jack now. The list went on and on each activity as simple but joyous as the last, and Jack listened to each with rampant attention wanting to soak in all she had become. “Oh! and I read a bit, mostly these old books the Scotsman daughter Freya finds.”

“Really what are they about?” Jack thought it a simple question, but Ashi’s face seemed to freeze at the question. “Ashi?” Nervously she laughed and shifted her arm once more to grab a book from under what used to be Aku’s throne.

“They’re- um... very silly things.” She blushed bringing the book up to cover her face. “Just something simple... to pass the time!”  Jack inspected it, it seemed flimsy the cover cracked, edges tattered and yellowed but he could still see the image and writing on the front.

“The Pirate King’s Secret Cargo?” A strange title to say the least and the image as well. The Pirate in question looked nothing like those he’d encountered and he appear to be holding a woman who fainted from a far too tight corset.

“Yes um it's about a Pirate who mistakenly takes a banker’s daughter on his ship. He has to keep her there, but she eventually finds she likes being a pirate and hmmmm he takes her on his ship.” Ashi refused to meet Jack's eyes while she explained the book and her cheeks were flushed.

“But if she were already aboard, why would he take her on the boat a second time?” He asked trying to understand the odd book. Ashi’s mortification soon turned into unbridled laughter at what Jack had unknowingly said. “What? What did I say?” He did not understand but was glad to see her laugh.

“It was- um ahem a different manner in which he took her.” She explained unable to meet his eyes. Understanding dawned on Jack, his face turned a deep red. Once she gained control of herself Ashi decided she’d tease the samurai a bit more. “You know my favorite one of these books is called the Rurouni and his Runaway Bride.” His face was nearly as red as the apple beside him and Ashi could not find it more endearing. “I could let you borrow it while we wait for a fight for you. It's about this disgraced Samurai who’s hired by this woman to….”

“No please Ashi, I plead mercy. I don’t think I can take much more of this.” His face felt far too flushed. Far too aware, in his opinion, of any skin contact with her.

“But you look so cute when you blush.” She teased. “You know I never told you... I love you too. So very much.”

Jack embraced her as they sat and chatted all night and into the next day never wanting to part for even a moment. They knew at any moment they could be separated once again. Be it fate, circumstance or tragedy, they knew it was only a matter of time before they would be pulled apart once more. So they enjoyed what little they had. What little they could get and what little they could keep. These lost children haunted by time, would have to settle with what time allowed them.

[akimbohimbo]

Hey, I know no one’s probably going to read this, and that’s a good thing because I think I just need to spill some things (emotions). I mean, some of my friends follow me on this account and that’s fine and all, but I just need to yell. Read this or don’t, it’s for me to write and document. Maybe I’ll look back on this and think it was fucking stupid or something. I don’t know. I have a tendency to avoid the Triggering Shit in my life and just rant about my love life because that’s all I am comfortable with sharing with anyone, really. 

Here we go with a free write. Let the thoughts pour. 

I’m listening to Jacob Collier’s “Once You” and I can’t help but feel reminiscent of something that has long passed. Who it’s about, I don’t know. I can just sense this, like, wistful longing of things. I can’t really explain it. I keep having dreams of being in a comfortable relationship with various people, and I don’t know how to feel about it. On one side, I want to work on myself and my own stability, but on the other hand I really miss being with someone. And not sexually, or anything meaningless like that. I miss having someone to hold; making mac and cheese together in the kitchen, cuddling, all that romantic jazz. 

I do this thing where I go outside constantly as a means of avoiding self-confrontation with my own feelings. I go and watch sunsets all the time, whether it be alone or with my friends. All of the romantic shit you see in movies, I do that with my friends. I don’t know, I kind of want to do all of those things with one person, you know? There’s a sense of familiarity and stability with doing that. I’m probably polyamorous, but I do see the appeal of monogamy. I kind of want that right now. I’m done with just fucking around. 

There’s this guy I could totally have that with. A domestic kind of relationship that would be smooth and easy-going. I just don’t feel the same way about him as I do about other people I’ve seriously dated. It’s not as strong, I mean. He’s a great friend, but I don’t know. It’s kind of like, 500 Days of Summer and I’m Summer, he’s Joseph Gordon-Levitt. Literally that. Except he’s not a selfish dick, and Tom (the character) totally is.

And there’s this other guy who’s just phenomenal in every way possible. Except for the one huge mistake he made awhile ago with another friend, but I know and I can sense that he has grown for that. I’ve been friends with him for quite some time now and we had a thing awhile back. I kind of want to marry him. I kind of don’t. He infuriates me. Alas, there’s still uncertainty on my end because I still really do love girls and I know I’d be doing him a disservice if I weren’t honest about everything I’m feeling. Honestly, if he were a girl I’d go for it. Like, I’m bisexual but I bond with girls in a much different way than I do with boys.

There’s another guy, but I don’t want to talk about him. He infuriates and confuses every fibre of my being. I don’t talk to him much, either. 

And there’s this girl who makes me feel amazing every time I’m with her. I haven’t seen her in a long time, and I miss her. She’s the one person who understands me better than anyone else. And there’s this other girl who’s adorable and makes me feel instantly better when she’s in my presence. She had a thing with one of the guys I talked about prior. I wouldn’t want to hurt any of them, even though they both like me back. Haha. Most of these people that I’ve briefly mentioned liking, they liked (like, present tense) me back. Can you believe that shit? Pfft, I can’t. 

Why am I writing this? As a release? Yeah, 100%. 

I know I’ve moved on from the love of my life already. That’s a whole ass story in and of itself. I’m being very vague in this whole thing because there’d be too much to talk about and I’m considering writing a TV series because wow oh boy I have an... interesting life, to put it mildly. Do I still miss her on occasion? Yeah, absolutely. I can acknowledge that she was a large part in my life and in making me into the person I am today. 

I am an exasperated ball of confusion and frankly, I don’t know what I want. I don’t even know why I’m writing this or posting it. 

Despite all of this, I am doing much better than I normally would be, mentally speaking. I’m not constantly depressed, nor am I looking back at things that “could have been.” I’m looking forward and living life to the fullest, cliche as it sounds. 

I guess one thing I can say is this: I miss the feeling of being in love. I miss loving someone for who they are, accepting them for their flaws and imperfections. I miss doing cheesy things with one person, as opposed to my friends. Stargazing, watching sunsets, exploring the city, playing music with someone, being a little dumb - I want to do those things with one person. 

Maybe that person will come into my life. Maybe they’re already here and it hasn’t developed, yet. No matter what happens though, I know I will be okay. 

That’s where I am right now in my romantic endeavours, I guess.

Sincerely mine, kgem

[fesahaawit]

Why I FIRE’d Myself From Rockstar Finance

What if you woke up this morning to the following:

1/2 the emails to respond to in your inbox

1/2 the decisions to make for the day

1/2 the time you need to spend even working today

and 1/2 the added stress and pressure

And then let’s say someone paid you in the 6 figures to receive all of this.

Would you take it? :)

Now let’s say you had to give up OWNERSHIP of a project for it that was relatively successful and a huge part of your life and business for the past 4 years, of which still has oodles of potential for growth and helping everyone in your community, thereby possibly going down as one of the biggest blunders of your entrepreneurial life where everyone from that point forward points and laughs at you every day for the rest of your life.

Would that change anything? :)

Well, either way, we’re about to find out as I officially sold the 2nd best website in the world this morning, RockstarFinance.com – a museum of personal finance articles and resources – effectively FIRE’ing myself from President and CEO down to humble little “Advisor.”

And I cannot wait to see what the future now holds!!!

(I put “FIRE’ing” there btw, because this move will not only open up 50% more freedom *time* wise, but also pushes us a tad bit closer to the epic freedom that all of us here are shooting for – *financial* freedom. We’re still not there yet, but this certainly puts us more into the running :))

Now of course there’s a lot more to the story here, which also effects a lot more people than just me, so let me try and brain dump everything on ya here and see if I can answer a lot of the questions that I’m sure will soon be bubbling up here in the next few moments…

If I miss anything, just hit me in the comments below as you know I’m an open book!

Take it away J. Money alter-ego…

#1) WHAT THE HELL DID YOU JUST DO, MAN???

I sold Rockstar Finance to a friend of mine in an attempt to trade my hustle card in for more of a living card.

#2) When did this all go down??

We signed everything last week, but we’re making it all public this morning which has been many months in the making. Pretty much since that fateful day of “The Hike” when I realized I had my priorities all kinds of backwards and knew I had to make some big moves if I truly wanted some big results.

I had considered handing it off a number of other times throughout it’s 4 year existence too, but I loved it too much and each time I just couldn’t pull the trigger as it never felt right.

#3) What other times are you talking about?

In 2015 I was handling every aspect of the site and almost sold the whole thing for $5,000 because I was close to burning out. Fortunately my friend Cait Flanders stepped in and convinced me to keep going, and with her on my side that is exactly what we did :)

Then in 2016 I got the “deal of a lifetime” where I originally accepted a million dollars for all my projects and a 2 year commitment to blog for someone else, which as you know I ended up dipping out of at the last minute and decided to go ALL IN with my own projects instead.

And this is what we did for all of 2017! We launched every single project I had wanted to do over the years, and we added it all to Rockstar Finance so it would have a much farther reach to people (and not attached to “me” specifically). This is when we launched our personal finance and blogging forums, our Directory that now tracks 1,400 other finance blogs as well as the most popular podcasts, apps and books, and then of course we rocked our Community Fund which ended up giving out over $14,000 of assistance to those who needed it in our community.

We were on fire!!! Until I almost had a break down – again ;)

#4) And this time you truly feel it’s “right”?

I do, yes…as close as 100% as you can get, at least.

#5) What would make it even *more* right?

If I knew no one would hate me for making this move!! :) Or I got like triple the money for it, haha…

#6) Speaking of money, how much exactly did you get for it?

In the (very) low 6 figures.

#7) I said Exact, don’t you play that card!

Hey – you know how these contract things go! But I bet if you pay attention enough to the numbers in our next net worth report you can get a pretty good idea :) Though don’t forget about the taxes or paying out some of my team members too which was important to me…

#8) How much tax will you have to pay from it?

About 25%.

#9) And the % you gave to your team members?

20%… wait a minute!! I see what you’re doing there!

*Takes a bow*

#10) Alright, now why was THIS TIME the right time to sell again?

There’s a handful of reasons, that when combined just made the most sense:

I’m having a 3rd baby in a few months and really want to try being a stay-at-home dad

But to do that I had to figure out how best to cut 50% of my time and responsibilities out, meaning one of my internet babies had to go :( And I just couldn’t give up the one site that started it all for me – Budgets Are Sexy! My first love! (And I also didn’t like the idea of just hiring on a new leader or team for Rockstar, because in my experience if you don’t have ownership of something you don’t give it all you’ve got)

I also felt I took Rockstar Finance as far as I could with my energy and talents, and it was about to go into “maintenance” mode which would have done it a big disservice for people. Especially due to all its potential that we never got to tap. So handing it off to a new leader to continue its legacy just made the most sense to me.

Lastly, and this is going to sound silly, but I REALLY want to enjoy the site and all the resources we put together as a “regular” reader without having to do any work for it! Haha… I built it exactly for us personal finance enthusiasts, but I’ve never been able to stop and enjoy it as I’ve always been in the thick of it during its entire lifetime… I’m so excited to get the daily digest tomorrow and not know what’s in it! :)

#11) I’m glad you mentioned this “new leadership”… Who exactly bought it from you and is taking over the site now?

My good friend, and blogger veteran, John from ESIMoney.com. Someone who’s not only been with this community longer than I have going on 12+ years now (!), but also someone I know is “in it for the right reasons” and not going to add it to the infamous Site Selling Wall of Shame, haha… Which let’s face it, most sites go when new owners take over!

#12) And how do you know this “John” character won’t be adding it to this Wall of Shame?

Because I know him and trust him, and I know on a list of his priorities, money is at the bottom of it as an early retiree with plenty of millions in the bank already :) Which is usually why sites go down in flames with new ownership – they just plaster it all with ads!!

And due to this new found “retirement”, it also means he has plenty of time to dedicate to it and is already working on a number of new features I was never able to pull off myself. It’s pretty much going to be a turbocharged version of how it is today, and at worst it’ll be the same as it is today if nothing pans out, which is a pretty good worst case scenario.

So between all that, and the fact he wants to pass this site down to his kids one day to continue its legacy, it’s the best a creator can really ask for :)

He actually has a post live right now too if you want to hear his side of the story – it’s going to be a fun project to work on together! Why I Bought Rockstar Finance

#13) Wait wait wait, what’s this “together” part here? I thought you just sold it and are moving on?

Nope. I sold it, yes, but I’m still helping out with everything, just more in an “advisory” type role than a day-to-day one. Which pretty much means I get to do all the fun parts like brainstorming and scheming and connecting the dots, only I don’t have to do any of the work in actually making it happen :) I’m actually quite impressed with myself in pulling this off! Haha… And as a minimalist, it’s actually a pretty freeing feeling because “stuff” applies to internet and brain assets too!!

But ask me in 6 months how it’s all going and we’ll know more then ;)

#14) How do you think it’ll be in 6 months?

I’m *hoping* that I’ll be much more relaxed and creative and our blog here will be flourishing even more at Budgets Are Sexy – since this is literally the first time in 8 years it’ll be the only project I’m working on! – and that I’m also hitting inbox zero every single day and have a baby who sleeps 12 hours straight a night, but only time will tell ;)

I can tell you out of every move I’ve ever made with work-stuff though, this one sets me up closer to the “ideal lifestyle” than any others… I’m literally getting paid to do half the work!! And I still get to be a big part of a community I helped create!

#15) Okay, we’ll come back in 6 months and see how it’s really going :)  Getting back to the projects of Rockstar Finance again real quick, what about that Community Event you guys just launched where you gave 20+ bloggers $100 in cash to go out and do something helpful with it? Is that still going on or has something changed with it now?

Nothing’s changed! We’ve set up a page that highlights all the results from our Community Fund over the past 12 months, and we’ll be adding all these new blog posts that people will be sharing to the tippy top of it all. And we’re hoping it moves us from $14,000 of Good to almost $20,000 of Good! A great way to go out with a bang this year!

(I will note, however, that we are phasing out the Community Fund for the 2018 year as far as being attached to Rockstar Finance (I’ll probably keep doing The Good behind the scenes and/or move some of the project here to this blog), but as a big philanthropy guy, John is already coming up with his own replacement project which I have no doubt will be doing some great stuff… Back at one of his original sites, he used to give out ½ of his earned profit every month so I know his heart is just as big as ours, if not bigger. He really is a good guy.)

Okay, I’m running out of questions here so we’re going to enter the Speed Round…

SQ#1: What’s going to happen to Cait Flanders who works on it?

She’s sticking around for another month or two, and will then be leaving too to focus on her own projects, specifically her new book that’s about to come out: The Year of Less (now open to pre-orders!!!)

It’s so pretty!

SQ#2. How about Nate who was working on strategy and The Community Fund?

He took up a pretty solid gig earlier in the year that he’s doing quite well at, so in a way he’s hustled himself out of working on the side as well :) You can find him anytime here: NateStPierre.me (people from the Love Drop days will remember him!)

SQ #3. And Steve, Rockstar’s resident Tech Guy?

He’s in it for the long haul at Rockstar! And will be taking a much more active role with the site, particularly with the Directory and the Forums, on top of his own fastly growing blog – ThinkSaveRetire.com. He was one of the guys I had actually talked to as well about possibly taking over Rockstar during my initial talks with people…

SQ#4. What did that process look like?

Once I knew it was time for me to leave, I hit up about 6 or 7 people in the community that I thought could be a good fit for it, and then I just had a butt ton of interviews and questions and spent the better part of 4 months really marinating on everything until John’s name eventually crept to the top. It was probably one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do since being on the online world, but again – big dreams require big moves!

SQ #5. And where did your now famous Triad of Hustling come into play with all of this?

It was instrumental! Not in finding a new leader, but in getting me to the point where I realized what I had to do… Here’s the quick version of the Triad being applied towards Rockstar since I know you’re trying to make this a speed round ;)

Did it take up a lot of time? Yup. 3-4 hours a day, if you count all the thinking too

Did it make money? Enough to pay the team and a little left over, but not much. Though it was also not built originally to make money either – I had no idea it would grow to as large as it did!

Was it fun? Yes. Most days at least :) But again, to pass the Triad it needs to hit 2 of the 3 areas…

The Equalizer: Was it a HELL YEAH or a “no”? Well, the first few years it was close to a HELL YEAH, but over the past 6 months it turned into more of a Kinda Hell Yeah, which we all know it means some changes need to happen… And this is when the soul searching began.

You know, thinking about the Triad in terms of Rockstar I’m realizing that there’s one major factor that we haven’t even touched on: whether a project is successful or not.

Shutting down something that fails the Triad and is not successful anyways is one thing, but it’s a whole other when it IS successful yet still doesn’t make you happy in the end. Similar to the other years dilemma with me walking away from the podcast, M.O.N.E.Y. – remember that one?

So that’s also something for everyone here to be aware of, especially the entrepreneurs – just because your project is successful, however that may be defined, it still doesn’t necessarily mean you should be continuing it if in your hearts of hearts you know it’s not bringing you joy. I’ve shut down over two dozen projects or ideas over my 10 years in this game, but the only two I struggled with were the two that were booming on the outside! I think we need an equalizer for those beasts! Haha…

SQ #5: Last question … what do you want everyone to know here before we sign off and move the questions to the comments?

That no matter what happens with all this, know that I am so INCREDIBLY thankful for all of you here reading this, and for all of you who supported and encouraged me with Rockstar as well as all my other projects in years past.

Everything I’ve ever built has been to help our community here be as good as it can be, and I’m beyond grateful for the chance of even being *able to* do all this in the first place. Those of you who know my story know it was a pure accident* that I stumbled across this money stuff, but thank GOD I did and thank GOD I’m now surrounded with people I love and respect!! Some mistakes can be the best thing that happens to you! (Although I don’t want to test this decision in that department, haha..)

So thank you THANK YOU thank you for allowing me to do the one job I love more than anything else in this world, and I’m looking forward to seeing what the future has in store for us :)

I wish John nothing but success ushering in the new era for the site, and I will see you guys here at Budgets Are Sexy every week going forward as usual too.

Questions/comments/concerns – drop them below or shoot me an email and I’ll hit you back!

XOXO,

****** *10 years ago I went looking for a 2 bedroom apartment to rent, and literally made a wrong turn bringing me into a townhouse community where I went on to buy a $350,000 place with no money down and no budget… Three months later I was online trying to get my act together, when voila – I stumbled across personal finance blogs! I’ve never been the same since ;)

Why I FIRE’d Myself From Rockstar Finance posted first on http://ift.tt/2lnwIdQ

[heliosfinance]

Why I FIRE’d Myself From Rockstar Finance

What if you woke up this morning to the following:

1/2 the emails to respond to in your inbox

1/2 the decisions to make for the day

1/2 the time you need to spend even working today

and 1/2 the added stress and pressure

And then let’s say someone paid you in the 6 figures to receive all of this.

Would you take it? :)

Now let’s say you had to give up OWNERSHIP of a project for it that was relatively successful and a huge part of your life and business for the past 4 years, of which still has oodles of potential for growth and helping everyone in your community, thereby possibly going down as one of the biggest blunders of your entrepreneurial life where everyone from that point forward points and laughs at you every day for the rest of your life.

Would that change anything? :)

Well, either way, we’re about to find out as I officially sold the 2nd best website in the world this morning, RockstarFinance.com – a museum of personal finance articles and resources – effectively FIRE’ing myself from President and CEO down to humble little “Advisor.”

And I cannot wait to see what the future now holds!!!

(I put “FIRE’ing” there btw, because this move will not only open up 50% more freedom *time* wise, but also pushes us a tad bit closer to the epic freedom that all of us here are shooting for – *financial* freedom. We’re still not there yet, but this certainly puts us more into the running :))

Now of course there’s a lot more to the story here, which also effects a lot more people than just me, so let me try and brain dump everything on ya here and see if I can answer a lot of the questions that I’m sure will soon be bubbling up here in the next few moments…

If I miss anything, just hit me in the comments below as you know I’m an open book!

Take it away J. Money alter-ego…

#1) WHAT THE HELL DID YOU JUST DO, MAN???

I sold Rockstar Finance to a friend of mine in an attempt to trade my hustle card in for more of a living card.

#2) When did this all go down??

We signed everything last week, but we’re making it all public this morning which has been many months in the making. Pretty much since that fateful day of “The Hike” when I realized I had my priorities all kinds of backwards and knew I had to make some big moves if I truly wanted some big results.

I had considered handing it off a number of other times throughout it’s 4 year existence too, but I loved it too much and each time I just couldn’t pull the trigger as it never felt right.

#3) What other times are you talking about?

In 2015 I was handling every aspect of the site and almost sold the whole thing for $5,000 because I was close to burning out. Fortunately my friend Cait Flanders stepped in and convinced me to keep going, and with her on my side that is exactly what we did :)

Then in 2016 I got the “deal of a lifetime” where I originally accepted a million dollars for all my projects and a 2 year commitment to blog for someone else, which as you know I ended up dipping out of at the last minute and decided to go ALL IN with my own projects instead.

And this is what we did for all of 2017! We launched every single project I had wanted to do over the years, and we added it all to Rockstar Finance so it would have a much farther reach to people (and not attached to “me” specifically). This is when we launched our personal finance and blogging forums, our Directory that now tracks 1,400 other finance blogs as well as the most popular podcasts, apps and books, and then of course we rocked our Community Fund which ended up giving out over $14,000 of assistance to those who needed it in our community.

We were on fire!!! Until I almost had a break down – again ;)

#4) And this time you truly feel it’s “right”?

I do, yes…as close as 100% as you can get, at least.

#5) What would make it even *more* right?

If I knew no one would hate me for making this move!! :) Or I got like triple the money for it, haha…

#6) Speaking of money, how much exactly did you get for it?

In the (very) low 6 figures.

#7) I said Exact, don’t you play that card!

Hey – you know how these contract things go! But I bet if you pay attention enough to the numbers in our next net worth report you can get a pretty good idea :) Though don’t forget about the taxes or paying out some of my team members too which was important to me…

#8) How much tax will you have to pay from it?

About 25%.

#9) And the % you gave to your team members?

20%… wait a minute!! I see what you’re doing there!

*Takes a bow*

#10) Alright, now why was THIS TIME the right time to sell again?

There’s a handful of reasons, that when combined just made the most sense:

I’m having a 3rd baby in a few months and really want to try being a stay-at-home dad

But to do that I had to figure out how best to cut 50% of my time and responsibilities out, meaning one of my internet babies had to go :( And I just couldn’t give up the one site that started it all for me – Budgets Are Sexy! My first love! (And I also didn’t like the idea of just hiring on a new leader or team for Rockstar, because in my experience if you don’t have ownership of something you don’t give it all you’ve got)

I also felt I took Rockstar Finance as far as I could with my energy and talents, and it was about to go into “maintenance” mode which would have done it a big disservice for people. Especially due to all its potential that we never got to tap. So handing it off to a new leader to continue its legacy just made the most sense to me.

Lastly, and this is going to sound silly, but I REALLY want to enjoy the site and all the resources we put together as a “regular” reader without having to do any work for it! Haha… I built it exactly for us personal finance enthusiasts, but I’ve never been able to stop and enjoy it as I’ve always been in the thick of it during its entire lifetime… I’m so excited to get the daily digest tomorrow and not know what’s in it! :)

#11) I’m glad you mentioned this “new leadership”… Who exactly bought it from you and is taking over the site now?

My good friend, and blogger veteran, John from ESIMoney.com. Someone who’s not only been with this community longer than I have going on 12+ years now (!), but also someone I know is “in it for the right reasons” and not going to add it to the infamous Site Selling Wall of Shame, haha… Which let’s face it, most sites go when new owners take over!

#12) And how do you know this “John” character won’t be adding it to this Wall of Shame?

Because I know him and trust him, and I know on a list of priorities on his list, money is at the bottom of it as an early retiree with plenty of millions in the bank already :) Which is usually why sites go down in flames with new ownership – they just plaster it all with ads!!

And due to this new found “retirement”, it also means he has plenty of time to dedicate to it and is already working on a number of new features I was never able to pull off myself. It’s pretty much going to be a turbocharged version of how it is today, and at worst it’ll be the same as it is today if nothing pans out, which is a pretty good worst case scenario.

So between all that, and the fact he wants to pass this site down to his kids one day to continue its legacy, it’s the best a creator can really ask for :)

He actually has a post live right now too if you want to hear his side of the story – it’s going to be a fun project to work on together! Why I Bought Rockstar Finance

#13) Wait wait wait, what’s this “together” part here? I thought you just sold it and are moving on?

Nope. I sold it, yes, but I’m still helping out with everything, just more in an “advisory” type role than a day-to-day one. Which pretty much means I get to do all the fun parts like brainstorming and scheming and connecting the dots, only I don’t have to do any of the work in actually making it happen :) I’m actually quite impressed with myself in pulling this off! Haha… And as a minimalist, it’s actually a pretty freeing feeling because “stuff” applies to internet and brain assets too!!

But ask me in 6 months how it’s all going and we’ll know more then ;)

#14) How do you think it’ll be in 6 months?

I’m *hoping* that I’ll be much more relaxed and creative and our blog here will be flourishing even more at Budgets Are Sexy – since this is literally the first time in 8 years it’ll be the only project I’m working on! – and that I’m also hitting inbox zero every single day and have a baby who sleeps 12 hours straight a night, but only time will tell ;)

I can tell you out of every move I’ve ever made with work-stuff though, this one sets me up closer to the “ideal lifestyle” than any others… I’m literally getting paid to do half the work!! And I still get to be a big part of a community I helped create!

#15) Okay, we’ll come back in 6 months and see how it’s really going :)  Getting back to the projects of Rockstar Finance again real quick, what about that Community Event you guys just launched where you gave 20+ bloggers $100 in cash to go out and do something helpful with it? Is that still going on or has something changed with it now?

Nothing’s changed! We’ve set up a page that highlights all the results from our Community Fund over the past 12 months, and we’ll be adding all these new blog posts that people will be sharing to the tippy top of it all. And we’re hoping it moves us from $14,000 of Good to almost $20,000 of Good! A great way to go out with a bang this year!

(I will note, however, that we are phasing out the Community Fund for the 2018 year as far as being attached to Rockstar Finance (I’ll probably keep doing The Good behind the scenes and/or move some of the project here to this blog), but as a big philanthropy guy, John is already coming up with his own replacement project which I have no doubt will be doing some great stuff… Back at one of his original sites, he used to give out ½ of his earned profit every month so I know his heart is just as big as ours, if not bigger. He really is a good guy.)

Okay, I’m running out of questions here so we’re going to enter the Speed Round…

SQ#1: What’s going to happen to Cait Flanders who works on it?

She’s sticking around for another month or two, and will then be leaving too to focus on her own projects, specifically her new book that’s about to come out: The Year of Less (now open to pre-orders!!!)

It’s so pretty!

SQ#2. How about Nate who was working on strategy and The Community Fund?

He took up a pretty solid gig earlier in the year that he’s doing quite well at, so in a way he’s hustled himself out of working on the side as well :) You can find him anytime here: NateStPierre.me (people from the Love Drop days will remember him!)

SQ #3. And Steve, Rockstar’s resident Tech Guy?

He’s in it for the long haul at Rockstar! And will be taking a much more active role with the site, particularly with the Directory and the Forums, on top of his own fastly growing blog – ThinkSaveRetire.com. He was one of the guys I had actually talked to as well about possibly taking over Rockstar during my initial talks with people…

SQ#4. What did that process look like?

Once I knew it was time for me to leave, I hit up about 6 or 7 people in the community that I thought could be a good fit for it, and then I just had a butt ton of interviews and questions and spent the better part of 4 months really marinating on everything until John’s name eventually crept to the top. It was probably one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do since being on the online world, but again – big dreams require big moves!

SQ #5. And where did your now famous Triad of Hustling come into play with all of this?

It was instrumental! Not in finding a new leader, but in getting me to the point where I realized what I had to do… Here’s the quick version of the Triad being applied towards Rockstar since I know you’re trying to make this a speed round ;)

Did it take up a lot of time? Yup. 3-4 hours a day, if you count all the thinking too

Did it make money? Enough to pay the team and a little left over, but not much. Though it was also not built originally to make money either – I had no idea it would grow to as large as it did!

Was it fun? Yes. Most days at least :) But again, to pass the Triad it needs to hit 2 of the 3 areas…

The Equalizer: Was it a HELL YEAH or a “no”? Well, the first few years it was close to a HELL YEAH, but over the past 6 months it turned into more of a Kinda Hell Yeah, which we all know it means some changes need to happen… And this is when the soul searching began.

You know, thinking about the Triad in terms of Rockstar I’m realizing that there’s one major factor that we haven’t even touched on: whether a project is successful or not.

Shutting down something that fails the Triad and is not successful anyways is one thing, but it’s a whole other when it IS successful yet still doesn’t make you happy in the end. Similar to the other years dilemma with me walking away from the podcast, M.O.N.E.Y. – remember that one?

So that’s also something for everyone here to be aware of, especially the entrepreneurs – just because your project is successful, however that may be defined, it still doesn’t necessarily mean you should be continuing it if in your hearts of hearts you know it’s not bringing you joy. I’ve shut down over two dozen projects or ideas over my 10 years in this game, but the only two I struggled with were the two that were booming on the outside! I think we need an equalizer for those beasts! Haha…

SQ #5: Last question … what do you want everyone to know here before we sign off and move the questions to the comments?

That no matter what happens with all this, know that I am so INCREDIBLY thankful for all of you here reading this, and for all of you who supported and encouraged me with Rockstar as well as all my other projects in years past.

Everything I’ve ever built has been to help our community here be as good as it can be, and I’m beyond grateful for the chance of even being *able to* do all this in the first place. Those of you who know my story know it was a pure accident* that I stumbled across this money stuff, but thank GOD I did and thank GOD I’m now surrounded with people I love and respect!! Some mistakes can be the best thing that happens to you! (Although I don’t want to test this decision in that department, haha..)

So thank you THANK YOU thank you for allowing me to do one the one job I love more than anything else in this world, and I’m looking forward to seeing what the future has in store for us :)

I wish John nothing but success ushering in the new era for the site, and I will see you guys here at Budgets Are Sexy every week going forward as usual too.

Questions/comments/concerns – drop them below or shoot me an email and I’ll hit you back!

XOXO,

****** *10 years ago I went looking for a 2 bedroom apartment to rent, and literally made a wrong turn bringing me into a townhouse community where I went on to buy a $350,000 place with no money down and no budget… Three months later I was online trying to get my act together, when voila – I stumbled across personal finance blogs! I’ve never been the same since ;)

Why I FIRE’d Myself From Rockstar Finance published first on http://ift.tt/2ljLF4B

[helio-hermit]

Direct Sunlight in the Library Windows

-hi hi hi hi

-I'm dying but not really but I am but it's a very slow roasted death.

-I'm not I'm just being over dramatic. I'm exhausted by my own design. I got up insanely early to get to the library because I got very busy yesterday and I need to organize this presentation I'm going to give in 3 hours aha. It'll be okay! I just feel a little anxious because I haven't been to that class very much this term so it's always awkward to walk in to a pit where you KNOW you're off on the wrong foot immediately, especially when you have to show up and convince them to listen to you and that you know what you're doing but in my defense this is my third consecutive year of Victorian literature and Vic lit will also be my dissertation SO I WILL TAKE THE SLACK. There is only so much I can ruminate on with Vic lit but I also had coffee with RY yesterday and he tried to sass George Elliot and I was having NOOOONE of it. Only I can talk shit about Vic lit-- anyone else I will defend my very problematic 1880s children.

-here we go magic is such a pure wonderful fall band.

-it's starting to get very cold around here which is awful because I'm such a high key morning person and the lack of light and brittle air makes it increasingly hard to be out and about before 9 am like I like to be in the warmer months. Morning is by design a magic time. Everything is slow and warped and frosted and quiet and things feel disjointed from time or reality. Plus it's socially acceptable to drink coffee at this time and just eat French bread. These are all I need to survive.

-I've been smoking a lot lately and I don't know how I feel about it. It's mostly social for me. Trouble is I've been mostly social with my v smokey boyf haha. And due to some deep seeded crushes on Rod Serling I love a boy with a cigarette. Trouble is I also love to run and that's how I get my main outlet for anxiety and exercise in warmer months so I'll monitor it, I don't crave it without him so I think I'm okay thus far.

-I need to get back to ordering this presentation but I just want to get some thoughts out uninhibited

-I miss my friends a lot but I know their mainstage is very important to them so I'll be supportive and go and understand that it's probably not personal that they are rather busy.

-I don't know if I wanna propose anything for our mainstage next term..I love my society don't get me wrong but I know that people are very upset with me for trying to take on too many projects. I know I do. But I fundamentally will rip myself to shreds for art and growth and a stimulus. I am very much insatiable with theatre as well so I know although I shouldn't propose for mainstage...I want to..

-I missed a call with my therapist evidently even if my phone didn't register it and I feel awful about it. Mostly because I really needed to talk to him. He's been with me for half of my young adult life and he's seen me lose my mind over partners before and I really just wanted him to see that I was finally in a very healthy and good place and that I had someone who wasn't trying to break me. I think I just want him to be proud of me. My mother wonders why I constantly feel like I have to justify my existence-- and to be honest I'm not sure....I suppose I just think that being alive is such a fundamentally incredible miracle of a thing that to not have to reinforce that it happened for me for a reason is a disservice to what I've been given, and maybe it's because I feel guilty for all that I have...I just need to make something of the opportunities I've been afforded.

-my gay son and I are going to London this week to visit my adopted dad at Lamda! And I'm gonna see a Patrick marber play! I owe him. To my great chargin.

-I miss RH. That's lame and I understand that. But I miss him. It's been a hectic week or so and I just wanna be held...no not even I just want to spend time with him in a coffee shop or something just getting work done but with a support system ha.

-I am sick of being skint. I really need to update my lil wardrobe and buy my sister some stuff and treat RH. And it fundamentally makes me feel disassociative from myself because providing is so central to who I am. And cooking is a hugely therapeutic thing for me and I haven't been able to make nice vegan things I really used to enjoy lord.

-I miss Vancouver but just aesthetically.

-I'm so grateful for no exams this term lord.

[hellotvv]

Life continues to be fairly interesting haha. I had a pretty decent weekend overall. I believe on Friday, I went to the fair with my friend Brent, Elizabeth, Kristy, and Jessica. The fair in SB was honestly not bad! I had fun going on rides with my friends, eating fair food, and just walking/chatting. Later that night, we had game night at my friend’s Brents place. Julian put on the project some really fun party game that everyone could just connect and play using the phone! Was really fun and I plan on buying it, so when ppl come to my place, we have idk fun games to play instead of just watching youtube on my chromecast LOL. I think Bryan, Olivia, Elizabeth, Brent, Julian, Kristy, Jessica, and me all played and had a great night. On Saturday, it was a bit more simple. I had a really busy day on Saturday, since I had to get some studying done for my midterm on Monday for minority literature class. I knew my cousin was visiting UCSB this weekend, since she said she was. But I’m surprised she didn’t hit me up to show her around. It would have been actually inconvenient if she did :( since ideally I would have the whole day to show her a ton of stuff. But I had a music appreciation concert at 7 PM that I had to go to at night, and I had to study quite a bit. Surprisingly, she did not hit me up at all, and only ended up snapping me that she was at SB later that night haha. She was in one of the freshmen dorms, so I’m guessing she already had a friend that let her stay in her dorm and showed her around :O. I was a bit worried that if I didn’t show her all the cool stuff about SB, my cousin wouldn’t be too interested in attending and choose UC Merced in the end... ;-;!! Anyways, ended up going to concert that night, was super boring, left during intermission since didn’t have to stay till end just needed to stay long enough to write a paper on it. Then I went to library and studied with Kristy and Jessica until like 1 AM. Went home, knocked out, and idk. Sunday, I think I got lunch with Brent and Elizabeth, then I somehow procrastinated the day away, but pulled a strong all nighter to finish studying for my minority lit class lol. The midterm went okie not bad, and then I studied for my music appreciation class quiz that was at 12 PM today. Think I did pretty good on that, and passed out for a while. Got dinner with Brent, and talked to him. We talked about how it’s already week 5 of our last quarter of our 3rd year... Graduation is coming up and much scary ;-;... I asked him what he’s gonna do after grad, and he immediately answered about Elizabeth. Since Elizabeth lives in Washington, but attends UCSB, and I wonder what she’ll do after graduation. Like would she move to California or find work back in Washington, who knows :O Brent said he doesn’t know what she’ll do, but he does suggest that she’ll prob move to LA, since LA is way cooler than Washington haha. Anyways, I did ask him oh man what if we all drift apart after graduation. Since Bryan lives in Thousand Oaks and is kinda far, Rickie lives in Washington, and etc. Brent said it kinda sucks, but it’ll happen. He did say that we’ll still hang out, since he can always drive down to OC and it’s only like 45 mins. I also said that I could always go up to LA and hang too. Thankfully Kristy and Jessica will be nearby, and Henry lives near Brent. So it’s not like we’ll all drift apart. Just kinda will be diff not being able to hang out with the friends I hang out every week with anymore, but I guess that’s life yo. I’ve gone through it from going from HS to College, and I’m sure the friendships will stay strong. It’ll be those friendships where even tho you don’t see each other every day or maybe even text that often, when you do hangout it’s like no time has passed :) Idk life yo.

Onto another topic, my cousin revealed to me that she actually SIRed to UCSB today!!! Woo, I told her we needed to have a celebration dinner or something together. She told me that she needed a bunch of life advice haha for college. I remember being in the same position worrying the same things like if I’ll make friends, what classes to take, and etc. She was super thankful and kept telling me how much she loved me, when I offered her advice LOL. I just want her to be successful and learn from my mistakes and become a doctor for me, incase I don’t make it LOL! So maybe this weekend if time permits, I’ll meet up with her and talk :D But I’m glad she idk got convinced, will prob have to ask her how did she get convinced lolol. I have a 66.6666% success rate now 2/3!! For the rest of my week, it’ll pretty much just be a bunch of studying for my midterm on Friday. Afterwards, I’ll be going home for the weekend for my mom’s bday and possibly to shoot with Sabrina and Cindy!! Woo :D haven’t seen/shot with either of them in a long time~ They both hit me up to shoot, so I feel special ;-; and wanted! 

Overall, life is going okie can’t complain. Tried to eat slightly more now and work out too, so I build some more muscle. Uhm, I’ve kinda been in a pretty content mood nowadays. Like I’m back to a phase where I’m happy with what I have, not too stressed, have some stuff to look forward to to keep me going, and yeah. 

The idea of relationships and love is something that I contemplate about a lot. I obviously always liked the idea of a SO, and I think that actually this year/4th year would probably be the last best times for a while to date a girl. Since I’ll still be in school and don’t look poorly in the dating scene, if I don’t have a job or idk. I’ll still be supported by my parents, but old enough to do cool things/go on adventures like going to Vegas this summer. I have a nice place and live alone, since I still attend school in SB, and not crazy busy, but have enough free time to spend with a SO. But the problem is, I haven’t really met anyone that really caught my interest... I mean kinda Amandi for a bit, but after finding out about what type of person she is, obv not gonna interact with her too much lmao. Maybe this sounds cocky or whatever, but I COULD date Chloe, if I truly wanted to. I mean Chloe is a decent looking girl, she’s fairly nice, and I could see myself in an okay relationship with her. But the problem is, I like her mostly as a friend, and just not that into her... Like I’m not that physically attracted to her, not that she’s bad looking or anything, and I’m not that idk mentally attracted to her. We just don’t have that much in common, and she prob only likes me for my looks?? Who knows. The thing is, I suppose a lot of ppl my age are kinda dating for fun or maybe some are serious. So it’s not like I have to date someone with the intention of long term commitment, I could just date and have fun with her for a while. Who knows, she might be wanting just the same thing. But the problem is, idk it’s just not me tho. Like let’s say we do date and have fun together spending time together, but what if I meet some cooler girl that I’m more attracted to while I’m dating her. Like I suppose the right answer is to idk keep it professional and stay with Chloe or the other option is to dump Chloe and date the new girl. But idk then I could be potentially hurting her if I did that and I wouldn’t want that. I’d be kinda leading her on, and it’s something I don’t want to do to ppl. Like idk I feel like if I date someone that I’m not totally into, it’s a disservice to them and myself, since they deserve better tbh. I think everyone deserves someone who truly cares about them and wants them, isn’t settling, or etc etc etc. So I don’t wanna date someone if I’m not completely into them, since they deserve someone who truly do and someone who thinks they’re amazing. I would want the same for myself. So I guess that’s a small dilemma that I have. I like the idea of dating someone, now’s probably one of the best possible times to do so, and I could. But I like being serious about someone, I don’t wanna hurt anyone by dating them if I’m not really into them, and I obv want to date someone that I am really into and would be proud of showing them off. So yeah, small dilemma, I guess the right choice is to not lead Chloe on too much, and prob not pursue anything with her. I suppose all I can and should be doing is continue to be chill and content/happy hanging out with my cool friends, keep myself busy with school/hobbies, and eventually I’ll meet someone who I’m truly into and they’ll hopefully be into me too? :O

That’s it for now... Back to writing my music appreciation paper, and The Flash episode tomorrow is gonna be lit af...