#he has never eaten cherry cake

[hello-delicious-tea]

Me: would you like a muffin for breakfast?

BabyTea: chocolate bugs.

Me: we’re out of chocolate bugs. How about a muffin?

BabyTea: cake. Cherry cake.

[onyourhyuck]

MILANO LOVE. | J.JH

— Prologue: “I always like the taste of you better than Milano.”

— Summary: Where your husband Jaehyun took you to Italy for your ten year anniversary.

— Genre: Husband!jaehyun. Smut smut smut minors dni. Breeding Kink Jaehyun. Unprotected Sex (use protection pls.) Food play(?) Y/n makes Jaehyun eat whipcream and cherries off her tits and stomach…Mention of your children together. Throat grabbing / choking (gentle). They literally fuck on a luxurious bed in a hotel…. Literally married couple goals fr.

— Notes: I love Husband Jaehyun in Milano concept.

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You and Jaehyun have been married for a while now. You lost count but it’s something around the 5th year mark being together.

Jaehyun and You have two children together. One child is three and the other one is two. They were always occupied with your attentions that Jaehyun often feels like you and him haven’t had a time for yourselves. So when your fifth anniversary came up he booked a spontaneous trip to Italy.

You found it incredibly exciting because it’s been a long time since you and Jaehyun could be alone like this romantically involved that is. Children really have a way with stealing all your energy and wanting you to themselves. But now it’s all about you and Jaehyun; which actually leaves your stomach fluttering. Your husband always has the ability to make you feel like you’re back in your high school adolescent years where you are a young school girl who made eye contact with their crush who never spoke to them before.

It felt like that with Jaehyun.

You want to make this special. You want to show him that you’re missing him not only presence wise but also body wise. Your body very much lost contact with him over the five years raising two boys together and you can’t help but wonder: ‘How long has it been since Jaehyun and I had sex?’ And you’d have to reply with a lot longer than you wanted it to be. It’s not like he leaves you disappointed. In fact Jaehyun never left you disappointed. He always leaves you wanting more.

You’re determined to make your husband feel pampered as well as slightly more on his knees because you can’t help but want to get laid. You might as well considering your children aren’t here and it’s a romantic trip to Italy. It’s a romance country. It’s the perfect setting.

You were alone in your bedroom and Jaehyun wasn’t in the hotel room currently as he had a few questions to ask down at the reception. You took the moment of opportunity given to you to stop your clothes and get inside the hand-white robe the lavish hotel room gives the guests. You have to admit the hotel was very expensive looking. Jaehyun managed to book a super star hotel for the both of you and you couldn’t help but feel like your husband really went all in with this trip. He really wants to make this special for you too. You could tell from his actions.

Before In the early morning the few butlers came to hand you a tray of your breakfast which you and Jaehyun haven’t quite eaten. You saw the strawberries, cherries, grapes and many more fruits in the bowl on the bed as you lay down. There was little desert options such as cakes and everything. Pancakes were on there. Italy loves their bread which was also on the pale provided. Many dishes were there for you and Jaehyun to eat when he returns.

The hotel door opens revealing Jaehyun to walk in. He had a little leaf left for the things you guys can do while on this trip. There was sight seeings with a boat tour around Italy. There was many museums you guys can see and definitely large enough selection to visit the most famous art gallery. He will not be missing out on the museum and art gallery sections that’s for sure.

“Honey i found things we can do today—“ Jaehyun’s voice stops when he starts walking the hotel room trying to search for you. The sight of your body on the bed slanted with the white bathrobe slightly off. He could see your cleavage, your thighs and legs he loves the sight of. But over the years he nearly forgot how perfect they look.

He feels a slight warm flush on his cheeks happen. He can’t help but blush. You were never this assertive with him before and he was not expecting you to be half naked in front of him. You were pretending to be eating like the sly minx you are; the whip cream fell between your cleavage and chest. Jaehyun can’t help but gulp. Why was he so nervous? He told himself to not seem so freaked out. This should be a normal situation for him — well technically it can’t be. It’s been so long since Jaehyun had a taste of you.

But you’re urging him on purpose. You’re doing this with an intent and he knows you are because you’re watching him so playfully like this was nothing out of the ordinary for you.

“Oh you’re back? What did you find?” You try to say as you bite the strawberry watching him from where you’re laying on the bed. You love seeing Jaehyun become shy.

Jaehyun’s ears became so red. You knew he was shy when his ears were bright red. It’s the first thing about him that’s gets completely flustered and it always gets him caught.

He clears his voice coming forward. He tried to remain composed. “What’s this you’re doing here?”

You were so sheepish. You were like the wolf in sheep’s clothing and he wasn’t sure how to handle this sight of you without completing losing his mind and going into this feral state. You roll the rest of the bathrobe off revealing now your back and a glimpse of your beautiful round shaped ass. He can’t help but flinch at the sight of you becoming naked. He really doesn’t know how he was able to stay calm at the same time not really you could tell he was having a war on the inside a little.

The only thing Jaehyun knows is that now he’s rock hard because of you and you’re about to fix that for him. He can’t go boat seeing with that happening in his pants.

“Oh nothing.” You shrug responding finally as you eat the Cherry out from the seed. Jaehyun’s dark gaze eyes following you silhouette on the bed and he moves on his own following you.

“It doesn’t look like a nothing. I think you’re seducing me here Y/n.”

He leans down to you closer with his face deeply speaking and you can tell he was finally catching onto you. You really want him to catch you. To fuck you. You can’t help but miss him incredibly much even though he was right in front of you and you’re watching him. It was hard to explain. Your body misses him for so many different ways.

“Okay maybe I am, what are you going to do about it?” You remark back to your husband who only gave you a single look before he lung forward to kiss you without sparing few words to you. He can’t help but in the kids feel ten times more lighter than before but the thing down below only throbs more with the way you kiss him back with so much desperation. Maybe the years you couldn’t do something like this made this situation even more thrilling and wonderful between you guys.

All the pent up frustration is about to be unleashed.

Your bodies aren’t strangers but the way they lapped round each other like a candle burning on flame creates the tension to rise and your bodies grew lighter and lighter almost like a cloud ascending on the sky. Even though your bodies are anything but strangers you feel like this was something you’re doing for the first time with him. It was a weird experience but something you love very much. Because it was Jaehyun doing this to you. Touching you with his graceful hands behind your back rubbing down the spine with the edge of the simple light fingertip touch enough to have you drawing moans across Jaehyun’s mouth.

As he kissed his wife with so much passionate he felt like he could make her ignite and burn happily with him. Their feelings were a catalyst to such a deep powerful makeout sharing between the lips. He feels like he could grow old with you, and he will. It was one of his deepest of wishes to grow old with you.

He is kissing you like he has no other purpose to live for other than you. Like you’re the only thing he needs to live for and with the craziness between your grinding bodies your husband pulls away ever so slightly going down your breasts that were covered with whipcream. He licks them clean, sucking on your skin loving the taste of how sweet your skin mixing in with the soft white whipcream contrasting your skin very well. He moans when your body suddenly moves reaching to grab the Cherry bowl and smirk putting on a cherry on one of your breasts.

He looks up at you sheepishly smirking as he knew you were only teasing him some more. It was a dangerous game to see Jung Jaehyun. “You taste so sweet.” He quotes lightly as he reaches down to bite the Cherry on your breast and you watch him eat it. Your smirk was the satisfaction of watching your husband do this. “Oh? Me or the Cherry.” You let out a soft laugh.

The man down below swallowing the cherry but leaving the seed out pushing it into the bowl on the side he soon meets your eyes and leans closer staring at your lips. “You.” He didn’t hesitate to say something before kissing your lips losing himself a little more into the kiss everytime he does this. You heard him speak between the kiss. “I always like the taste of you better than Milano.”

The time you and Jaehyun have a good time to be together spend the rest of the day whatever you guys want to do together. It’s something you both needed to unwind and relax. You don’t have to worry about your two boys you have together. They are the biggest pranksters. Those boys surely take after their father and you can’t help but think now you have three Jaehyun’s to take care of instead of one but you can’t complain because you love them. All three of them you love. You wouldn’t mind Jaehyun indulge a little more because you must be aware of how much he was enjoying the way he’s kissing you like this it’s been so long. He couldn’t even imagine how he survived not being able to kiss you in front of your sons together. He must’ve neglected you a little but now he will make it up to you.

Your hands were so eager that Jaehyun’s clothes disappeared in less than a minute. He couldn’t help but feel like he was not the only one so eager and desperate. You were beyond desperation now. He has you laid down as he was hovering above you. Your gazes never leave each other’s faces and you found yourself falling so much deeper for Jaehyun’s dark amber and brown eyes reflecting Milano’s light outside. The hotel was very expensive. The bed was huge and it can hold another four people in there. Your bodies have plenty of space but that wasn’t on your mind the both of you were so deeply influenced by your own pleasure and thoughts.

The moment came that you were both so eager. Jaehyun’s hard length was already thick but maybe you thought he got thicker. You don’t remember him being this thick and your eyes flush out when he sling himself inside you very slowly and carefully. You weren’t sure why this feeling was so intense for you. Maybe because It’s been such a long time, you weren’t used to Jaehyun’s size anymore, and somehow you found yourself slipping out many moans already for him. Jaehyun instantly goes down on you to kiss your cheek to comfort you. You were struggling to take him in for a minute or two but soon you calm down and you found yourself liking the way this was handled. He was always making sure you were comfortable. You found yourself getting pampered by Jaehyun’s soft and small kisses that were shortly placed around your face and cheeks.

“Shhh… it’s okay baby it will be okay in a few seconds.” Jaehyun rubs your cheeks with his thumb on the sides.

Your husband’s lips we’re probably more soft than clouds itself. They were very soft and you found them to be the perfect way to pamper and calm you down because you didn’t know anything more soft than Jaehyun’s amazing lips that leave you feeling so much more happier than before.

He would never leave you in pain, Jaehyun wouldn’t be able to live with himself if he hurt you in any shape or form.

In a way his entire presence was a drug that makes you happy. You don’t know the reason or the explanation as to why he makes you so happy but he just does. The things that make you happy in unexpected ways don’t need an explanation anyways; as long as they make you happy then you should enjoy it without needing answers.

You were always the type of suspicious person who wants answers to everything you have questioned in your head. But Jaehyun made you live in the moment and not to ask too many questions that need an answer because sometimes you don’t need it. When you started dating Jaehyun for the first time he taught you many things.

He taught you patience and he taught you how to enjoy life a little more. You did many things together that you can remember from the clip of your fingers if you had to. He really shaped your life and made it his own life too. And now you guys cannot live without one another.

Jaehyun took a glimpse of some whip cream on your beautiful flat stomach and he couldn’t help but smirk. He softly moved now and the length inside him feels rough round the edges but it certainly made you feel a sort of pleasuring way because you now feel an electric pulse running through your body as you gasp at the whole new sensation.

He leans down as he was rocking against you slowly and leisurely while he licks your stomach with his tongue round your navel. You gasp clenching your pillow that’s supporting underneath your bed. “Oh god… Jae…!”

You weren’t even sure what’s gotten into your husband but he started to make his own way with his long tongue down your breasts sucking on your nipples that are full of the soft sweeten cream. You never knew your husband could gently nibble on your skin too, especially your sensitive nipples, it leaves you arching your back.

Your moans were a reflection to your teasing. Maybe you shouldn’t of teased your husband so much because now he’s having his way with you and you can’t help but think Jaehyun’s paying you back for your silly actions. The cream was everywhere on your naked delicious body. He ends up addicted to it. To you. To the cream on your body. He loves licking you in places that leave you ticklish as well as an overwhelming stimulation your body going into an overload.

Jaehyun wraps an arm round your waist and switches the position around. He was now slanting on the long headboard with his back pressing against it and you having to straddling his lap as your hips push backwards and forward on his long length inside you making a home between your soft and equitable walls.

You let out a soft groan when Jaehyun grabs your waist squeezing it a little when he saw your dazed expression.

The hips clench round the muscular hands on your left and right hips as he held them down each thrust coming down like a meteor. The pleasure was so sweet and lingering it felt like a bright red fiery fire burning through your body down your chest and to the rest of your limbs. Your stomach was rubbing against the large length standing up inside your walls that close and close to the edge. You can’t believe it but you’re riding your husband as he was looking at you with a dark eye. You love how intense Jaehyun’s stare was and the way his breathing was heavy when he comes closer to softly kiss on your skin on your shoulder.

Sometimes he rubs the pressing lips on your dainty collarbones which drives you insane wherever his lips travel to.

Your head flew backwards a little when your thrusts only gotten more rough and harder to contain when moving even more frequently. Your bodies were getting to reconnect after so long you feel like it’s been decades. It was an exaggeration at the same time it made perfect sense to say that. When your head flung Jaehyun could only see your perfectly soft and beautiful neck of yours. Your veins were gently pinning on the edge and he loves seeing your neck clench because of the pleasure.

Jaehyun puts his palm on your throat and gently pulls you closer to look at him so he could capture your mouth into a heavenly passionate kiss. You moan into it as Jaehyun’s hands gently squeeze your neck as he suddenly starts fucking into you while he held you so tightly. He was squeezing you into the embrace as your skin and skin touching make so many noises brushing against to each other.

Your voice was hushed as he was squeezing your throat and so was your moans because your hotel room was now filled with your own bodies slapping on each other as well as the squelching walls of your wetness drowning Jaehyun’s cock deep inside you. You could tell he was trying so hard to make you orgasm and the wish came true.

You orgasm so much you lost count. Jaehyun certainly wasn’t going to stop there, it was Jaehyun after all. He never leaves you alone until you have three orgasms and until he can fill you up again and again until you are nothing but stuffed for the rest of the day.

He growls as his face was close to your ears he was very close and you could tell he was holding back because of his needless urge to have this contact with you become more longer. He didn’t want this to end. Jaehyun cannot get enough of you, your moans and the way your walls feel around his throbbing cock threatening to spill any minute now.

You choke out your sobbing moans. The pleasure was so great that it starts to form tears in your eyes. “O-oh god Jae…! It feels so good… don’t stop…” and Jaehyun never felt more to oblige to your demands. He whispers to your skin as if he was chanting a spell on you. “Mmm Y/n you’re so fucking beautiful when you’re like this… god I can’t get enough of you. You’d let me indulge a little more right?” He was asking you but at the same time you knew he would do that anyways.

Your mouth only slips out soft quiet noises and words such as ‘yes, yes you may’ or another ‘pleas’ to your husband. He knew you were completely out of it. You weren’t listening to yourself. You were only playing attention to the bodies speaking truth to each other as he was pleasuring you so much you feel your stomach become warm and churning at each sensation he crafts on you. As if you were like his pretty doll.

You could only nod mindlessly letting your husband take control and do whatever he wants to do. Whatever his heart desires, you desire it too.

“I’m going to fill you up. My pretty wife deserves to be full of my cum don’t you think? You want that? You want me to fill you up nice and full before we go on the sight seeing boat tour?”

You couldn’t help but widen your eyes at the idea. You being full of his load when you’re in public doing a boat tour with other tourists on holidays? You can’t help but think it was such a perfect idea your husband had planted in your mind. You really want him to plant his seed now inside you.

All those possibilities that will cost you both. You know the chances are if he does do this and you couldn’t care any more about it. You love him so much that you grew pretty addicted to having your pussy full of him.

“Please… oh god… you do realise what the chances are if you do this right?” You whine at the idea and Jaehyun smirks looking at your face when he leans closer.

“Of course I do, why do you think I really want to do it?” Jaehyun chuckles deeply as he kisses your lips. Your eyes only fallen more and more in love with him. Jaehyun’s doing this because he wants another child and you can’t help but think, another child? You already have two sons.

But having another child inside you. Jaehyun’s child more specifically. It warms your heart and makes butterflies in your stomach become reborn.

“I really want to fuck another baby inside your perfect body…” Jaehyun seethes between his teeth harshly pulling from the kiss. “God… and you’d let me because you love me treating you like you’re nothing but my own cum bucket.”

He’s so right. You will let him have his way even if he doesn’t you let him eventually. You’re weak against him.

You whine when Jaehyun’s hands suddenly fall on your stomach touching it at the centre. He looks down at it observing how perfectly small and flat it was compared to the time he remembered you being pregnant with the boys. It feels like yesterday you were pregnant giving birth to your second son with him. It’s been only two years now and he can’t get enough of the idea having you pregnant walking around the house.

“Such a pretty stomach you have. You’d look so fucking amazing when you’re pregnant Y/n… oh god… something must be wrong with me. I really like seeing you pregnant.”

He loves seeing your stomach growing. He loves the excitement the pregnancy brings. You’re genuinely the happiest when you’re pregnant too. You never feel any less when you are. You’re glowing too. The pregnancy glow really makes you shine. The initial reaction to the gender reveals too. He can’t help it but share this part of like with you and you always wanted a big family. So did he.

But Jaehyun wouldn’t of expected himself to want to breed you so much and not get tired of it. He didn’t know he would have such a thing to start breeding you until he met you.

“Oh my god Jae…” You widen at his words. You weren’t expecting him to fully lose his mind at the idea. You knew he liked having children but you weren’t expecting him to get turned on seeing you look pregnant too.

Somehow you feel a sense of proudness when he tells you this. Not many people feel like they look the best when they are pregnant but Jaehyun never lets you have a day of rest until he compliments you enough.

“You really want to impregnate me.” You let out softly with a groan as his length was digging inside your walls deeply with each clenching reaction you have his tip pushing deep down in your stomach. You could feel him nearing your guts even. It was amazing how deep Jaehyun can really go in to your body and explore every edge.

“Mhm… so much… more than anything I ever wanted…” Your husband says.

Jaehyun groans. “I want to put a baby in you Y/n. Tell me you want me to? Tell me you want a baby just as much as me. Come on.” He said wanting you to tell him how much you want the idea.

He’s begging you to speak your mind loosely and freely and now he speeds up his thrusts. He starts to pound until his cock will loose all of its energy in the movement. You can’t help but rock against him and your body leaning on his chest as he was rutting in you like there wasn’t any singular purpose on his mind but to fill you up full of his load until you’re oozing out of him. Until he can see your pussy leaking.

You can’t help but do exactly as he tells you to. You obey him even though he was ruthlessly trying to breed you with his pelvis rutting on your hips and his hands pushing you down so you don’t slip out neither of his movement were planning to give you a break and a pause: you were getting bred and you loved every minute of it. Every movement he creates makes a longevity difference of your highs coming to an end.

You’re both chasing it. The same idea. The same dream.

Your voice comes out broken but it didn’t matter because Jaehyun can make out most of it. It was getting harder to speak out when he was ramming inside your walls harder. The fine tip of his thick girth-y cock pushes at the entrance of your womb ready to spillage. “Please! Please I really want it… I want a baby… please Jaehyun give it to me… give me a baby… i only want your babies… all of them.”

And you did. You really want all of them no matter how many he wants you’ll be a kind wife and let him have so many even if it was too much. Jaehyun really didn’t deserve you however. He feels like you’re such a good wife you let him get away with everything. But he pampers you in return for making his dream come true.

The dream of having a big family was all thanks to you. Jaehyun can rest in peace knowing he can have that all because of your kindness.

Jaehyun makes a pausing groan for a second as he feels his cock twitch releasing his liquid inside your warm walls. He can feel your walls become soft and loose because of how warm his liquid overtakes your body. You can feel the stuffiness of his cock sliding out once he orgasmed and you feel the same fullness of him inside you even though he was no longer inside your walls. You whine at the feeling it was so addicting your remember this feeling so well.

You let out a tired soft smile as you watch him slowly push you on the side of the bed laying you down to rest as he sat up slightly breathing heavily.

You chuckle. “So the boat tour, You think we have time to make it?” Jaehyun smirks looking at the time. You both have relatively ten minutes to make it to the front lobby.

“We can if we hurry. Can you walk love or do you want me to carry you?” Jaehyun playfully retorts as he leans closer capturing a soft kiss on your head.

You show him a joking glare at him and a small pout. “I can walk just fine.” He saw you getting up wobbling — in fact you cannot walk just fine.

“Mhm… I can see that.” Jaehyun chuckled a little as he wraps his arms around your waist from behind. You were picking out your clothes quickly and he takes a whiff of your hair it smells so sweet. “Y/n… thank you for making this Milano trip special.”

You chuckle finding his sudden words of gratitude to be very wholesome but shocking because it was so sudden and out of nowhere. “Baby it’s nothing to thank me for. I wanted us to have fun too. Let’s have more fun at the sight seeing alright?” You kiss his cheek and Jaehyun swore he could melt right there.

You’re so understanding. He wasn’t sure how he found someone as perfect for him as you are.

He’s so glad you’re the one he’s spending Milano Love with.

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@onyourhyuck please refer from translating and copyrighting my work thank you! Reblog this fic and follow my blog for more fics on my pinned it helps a girl out. <3

[inthedayswhenlandswerefew]

Napoleonville [Chapter 8: The New House]

Series Summary: The year is 1988. The town is Napoleonville, Louisiana. You are a small business owner in need of some stress relief. Aemond is a stranger with a taste for domination. But as his secrets are revealed, this casual arrangement becomes something more volatile than either of you could have ever imagined.

Chapter Warnings: Language, references to sexual content (18+ readers only), dom/sub dynamics, smoking, infidelity, kids, parenthood, historical topics like violence and discrimination, Cakes with Christabel, angst?? Who am I kidding. Angst!!!!!!

Word Count: 5.9k.

Link to chapter list (and all my writing): HERE.

Taglist: @marvelescvpe @toodlesxcuddles @era127 @at-a-rax-ia @0eessirk8 @arcielee @dd122004dd @humanpurposes @taredhunter @tinykryptonitewerewolf @partnerincrime0 @dr-aegon @persephonerinyes @namelesslosers @burningcoffeetimetravel-fics @gemini-mama @daenysx @chattylurker @moonlightfoxx @huramuna @britt-mf @myspotofcraziness @padfooteyes @targaryenbarbie @trifoliumviridi @joliettes @darkenchantress @florent1s @babyblue711 @minttea07 @libroparaiso @bluerskiees @herfantasyworldd @elizarbelll @urmomsgirlfriend1 @fudge13 @strangersunghoon @wickedfrsgrl

Only 2 chapters left!!! 🥰🧁

“I have no idea what he’s thinking,” Christabel tells Alicent, a low furtive murmur around nibbles of a cinnamon French toast cupcake. They are both sitting at the kitchen counter as you scuttle around wiping down burners and handles and knobs, trying not to listen in, unable to help yourself. At the table, Amir is frosting a Lady Baltimore cake and chatting with Criston, who has eaten no less than three miniature cherry pies in the past fifteen minutes. Amir keeps casting you wide-eyed, flummoxed glances. He means: Can you believe these people? No, you can’t.

Alicent sips the glass of sweet tea you poured for her and gazes vaguely around the room. “Oh, you know how Aemond is, dear. He works so hard. He’s so consumed by the Lake Verret project.”

“But shouldn’t he talk to me?” Christabel’s large blue eyes are luminous, persistent.

“Don’t be ridiculous, darling. Of course he talks to you.”

“Sure,” Christabel says, frowning. “He talks to me about the weather and the garden and the koi in the fish pond. He asks if I listen to Dire Straights or AC/DC. Nothing of consequence, nothing revealing. And he never touches me. Alright, fine, there’s a hand on my shoulder or my waist once in a while, for a moment. There are quick, courteous kisses. But that’s all. And he’s so…so…” She struggles to decide on a word. “Formal!”

“Have you tried the cannoli cupcake yet?” Alicent asks, sliding the plate towards Christabel. “It’s just divine. I absolutely adore it.”

“When we’re apart he says he misses me, but he hardly ever calls. He tells me that he loves me, but only if I say it first.”

“He’s marrying you!” Alicent declares as she restlessly twists her assortment of glittering rings, gold and diamonds and emeralds. “What more is there to say, dear?”

“Surely there must be something,” Christabel mumbles. She obediently samples the cannoli cupcake, carving away a tiny sliver with her fork. “Oh, that is wonderful, isn’t it?”

“I think it’s my favorite one yet.”

They have twelve flavors to choose from, some familiar and some new: vanilla bean and triple chocolate of course, the classics, and then also cannoli, cinnamon French toast, carrot, red velvet, Boston cream pie, apple cobbler, peanut butter and grape jelly, Neapolitan, Louisiana crunch, and hummingbird. Christabel surveys the selection and then looks to where you are vigorously scrubbing an already clean stovetop. “Aemond mentioned something about banana bread cupcakes. Do you have one of those we could try?”

And again, you are amazed by how much he remembers: the very first cupcake from the very first night. “Um…I’m not sure, actually. Amir, didn’t we make a batch earlier this week? Are there any still on the table?”

Amir checks the cake plates, lifting glass covers, until he locates a single remaining banana bread cupcake for your customers. He ferries it to the kitchen counter with great ceremony. “Everyone raves about this flavor! And it’s so quintessentially southern. Perfect for a Louisiana wedding.” You give him a miserable, deadened stare and he offers a millisecond smirk of commiseration. What else can we do? Amir means. And you think: Nothing.

Christabel samples the cupcake, an infinitesimal morsel speared on the very tip of her fork. You recall how Aemond tasted like sugar and honey and cinnamon when he kissed you on the night you met, rough, dominating, irresistible, without the aching weight of disappointments or betrayals. If time was a cobweb you could rip and walk through, you’d be back in that May dusk in an instant, you’d live there forever and never leave.

“That’s it.” Christabel grins as she licks cream cheese frosting from her full, pink lips. “This one. I want a banana bread cake.”

“Mmm,” Alicent agrees, taking a bite. “It has so many dimensions! Sweet with just a touch of salt, light and fluffy but with a certain substantial, rustic quality, don’t you think? It’s the cinnamon, perhaps.”

You make a note on your yellow legal pad—a reminder you don’t need—so you can avoid Christabel’s benign, guileless gaze. “Is there a design you’d like for the frosting?”

“Wildflowers.”

Amir emits a startled gasp before he can swallow it back down. You look up at Christabel. “I’m sorry, what was that?”

“Just like the vanilla bean cake you made for the engagement party.” She draws blossoms in the air with her fingers, whimsical like a fairytale. “There was white icing and then all these gorgeous flowers in a dozen different colors. You could do that for a wedding cake, couldn’t you?”

“Of course.” And then you amend: “Well, Amir can. He’s our Picasso.”

“You’ll need something for the rehearsal dinner too, dear,” Alicent tells Christabel. Then she turns to you, tugging anxiously at one of her auburn ringlets. “You’re the expert, love. What would you recommend to impress upon our guests all the history and mystique of the Deep South?”

Your mind is blank, your thoughts gnarled up with visions of Christabel meeting Aemond at the end of an aisle. Amir sees this and he saves you.

“A Napoleon cake,” he announces with his best salesman enthusiasm, powerful enough to sweep everyone else along with him.

Alicent claps her hands, elated. “Oh, just like the town!”

“It has layers of puff pastry and rich custard cream, very French, very elegant and sophisticated, but also a nod to Napoleonville. And we can add a cherry jam to make it more romantic, if you like.”

“Doesn’t that just sound heavenly, darling?”

“Does Aemond like cherries?” Christabel asks Alicent. You know he does, but you don’t say anything.

“I think so. We’ll ask him tonight to be sure.” Alicent is opening her clutch purse to get the cash to pay you; she is eager to have this errand finished, you believe. “And can you put wildflowers on top of the Napoleon cake as well?”

“You can have the Declaration of Independence written on it if that is your heart’s desire,” Amir says, then steals a glimpse of you. You’re jotting the order down and then tracing over your own letters again and again.

“That’s the color scheme,” Christabel says a bit dreamily, forever woolgathering. “Wildflowers. And I think you suggested it at the engagement party,” she tells you, appreciative. In your recollection, it was less of a suggestion than a confession of what you once dared to hope for. “Everything has to have wildflowers. Even the dress.”

Alicent groans. “Oh, Christabel, not this again.”

“I don’t know why you’re being so resistant, those dresses were spectacular.”

“Whoever heard of a multicolored wedding dress?” Alicent asks you, Amir, Criston. “It’s absurd. The bride always wears pure white, everyone knows that. It’s tradition! It’s dignified!”

“Well now I get to solicit opinions too.” Christabel reaches into her own purse—a quilted shoulder bag, light blue with red roses and a label reading Souleiado stitched inside—and produces several polaroid photographs. She gives them to you; they are all of her posing in different wedding dresses, stylish white gowns freckled with wildflowers like splashes of paint. “All anyone can talk about is what I should wear, what the guests will expect, what they will chatter about when they gossip afterwards,” Christabel tells you. And in her vast, shimmering eyes you can detect no resentment or slyness, only quiet desperation. “But you’re a real person. So be honest with me, because there’s only one thing I really care about. Will my husband think I look ravishing in any of them?”

“These theatrics,” Alicent sighs to herself, lighting a Marlboro cigarette. Again, she is peering aimlessly around the kitchen. Amir fidgets with the dogwood flower in his hair as he watches you wearily. Criston compulsively eats another miniature cherry pie.

You study the polaroid photos. Each one feels like a split lip, a fractured rib, the shredding elephantine pressure of a contraction. You wait to speak until you’re sure your voice won’t break. “They’re all stunning. But this one…” You place one picture on top of the pile. “This dress was made for you. Just look at your face. Glowing like a lightning bug.”

“Thank you,” Christabel says, beaming, immensely grateful, and she takes the photos back. She seems pacified. “You’re married, aren’t you?”

“I was, yes. Briefly. Not very happily, I must admit. But it was worth it to get my daughter.”

She smiles. There’s no uneasiness; she doesn’t shy away from displays of human frailty. “I’d like a few daughters one day. We could all dress up together and style each other’s hair.”

“I wouldn’t count on it. If I tried that, I’d get my hands chewed off.”

Christabel laughs. She wears a casual blue t-shirt, blue gingham capri trousers, and white flat pumps. Her eyeshadow is a sparkling gold, her mascara flaking onto the apples of her cheeks. She is still marveling at you with those aquamarine eyes when Alicent pulls a list out of her clutch and grudgingly crosses off items with a black ballpoint pen.

“So we’ve got a wedding cake, a rehearsal dinner cake, a dress, a venue, flowers, photographers…I still need to call about hair and makeup…and we need to pick out candles…”

“Where are you getting married?” you ask Christabel.

“The most unique, picturesque, atmospheric place in the entire state of Louisiana, I’m sure of it.”

“We took a drive to visit that church you mentioned,” Alicent says to you. “And it was absolutely perfect. None of our guest will have ever seen anything like it. And it’s so historic! Over 150 years old! The Chapel of Saint Honoratus of Amiens.”

Amir squeals, a distressed mewing that he stifles with a feigned cough into his elbow. You stand shellshocked for a few seconds before managing a generic encouragement: “Really! Wow! Amazing! Great!”

Now Christabel is rather melancholy again. She scrutinizes her engagement ring, a large teardrop emerald with a gold band. Her voice is low, like she’s talking to herself. “I just wish…I don’t know. That we had more time together before the wedding, I suppose. Then I think I’d feel like I had more of a handle on things. It’s all been such a whirlwind, such a shock. A good shock, but still. We hardly know each other.”

Alicent prompts her: “You care for Aemond, don’t you, dear?”

“I’m in awe of him,” Christabel replies, a little dazed, a little defenseless. “He’s so clever and gallant. He’s the most inspiring man I’ve ever known. And the scar…it gives him quite a roguish look, doesn’t it? Like a Bond villain. It’s not a detriment in the least.”

“Yes, yes,” Alicent says impatiently, like she’s waiting for the conversation to be over. “Then there’s nothing more to worry about. You care for him, he cares for you, and you’ll have the honeymoon to get better acquainted. Criston, would you go outside and start the Lexus, please?” He dutifully departs.

Honeymoon. Your stomach lurches, the sea in a storm. You can see Aemond’s hands on Christabel’s face, in her hair, skating up her bare thighs. You can hear him moaning her name.

“We’re going to Greece,” Christabel informs you, thinking she’s being polite. “Athens, Mykonos, Santorini, and Corfu. Have you ever been?”

I’ve never been anywhere. But instead you say, forcing a smile: “Not yet.”

When Christabel, Alicent, and Criston have gone, you look to Amir. Your blood has turned to cement: cold, heavy, immobile, trapped. “You realize she’s getting my wedding, right? The one I always wanted. The wildflowers. The candles. The chapel.”

“And she’ll even be taking your favorite dick home at the end of the night.”

You cover your face with both hands and shake your head, trying to clear it, to drive out mirages of someone else’s oasis. This can’t be real. I can’t handle it, I can’t survive it.

Amir pushes his tortoiseshell glasses up the bridge of his nose and says, gently now: “If we’re catering dessert, we’ll have to go to the wedding. The rehearsal dinner too.”

“Why would they want that? How can they not see how insanely awkward and wrong this is?”

He shrugs. “They probably think it’s normal. Wasn’t Camilla at Charles and Diana’s wedding?”

“If one more person tries to talk to me about Camilla Parker Bowles, I’m going to feed myself to the gator.”

“You’ll have to come to terms with it or you’ll have to end it. Those are the only options.”

“Yeah.” And it’s not just about me. It’s Cadi’s life too.

Amir sits down at the kitchen table, crosses one leg over the other, kicks his foot nervously. He rests an elbow on the tabletop and his chin on the knuckles of his left hand. “I hate to give you more bad news.”

You already know what he’s going to say. You’ve been dreading it for months. “You have enough money saved for San Franscisco.”

“I do.”

You exhale, your shoulders collapsing, tapping your fingertips against the counter. The air conditioner whirrs; the cicadas shriek in the trees outside. The house is hushed and still. Cadi is away at horse camp. Each day you receive a postcard in the mail that you assume the employees forced her to write at gunpoint. “When are you leaving?”

“The end of July. I’ll wait until after the wedding, once all the dust has settled. But I can’t wait any longer than that.”

“I want you to be happy,” you say. “I really do. But I’m going to miss you so much. You’ve been my best friend for a decade. You’re the closest thing I’ve ever had to a partner in life.”

Amir smiles faintly. “Come over here.”

When you sit beside him, he takes your hands in his; and you remember how he visited you in the hospital after Cadi was born, carrying a bouquet of wildflowers he picked himself and a Tupperware container full of crawfish pistolettes. He had been just a casual friend before you found out you were pregnant, one of a group, and you’d be lying if you said you didn’t keep him at an arm’s length. Amir was different, and not in a way that you fully understood or accepted yet. But he was the only friend who had no judgment for you when you told him you were pregnant, who cared about how you felt, who wanted to be a part of whatever would happen next. He was the only one who stayed.

“I’ve never had a boyfriend,” Amir tells you. “I’ve never even been on a date, not once. I’ve never been in love. I’ve never had sex that wasn’t a one night stand in a New Orleans club or the back seat of my Ford Escort because those were the only places we had to go. And I’m starting to believe that people like me can’t have more than that. So I have to go someplace where I can have more, where I will have more. I don’t want love to be something that only other people get to experience. I don’t want to be afraid of leaving my house after dark or wake up every day wondering if someone has broken a window out of my car again. I have to go. There’s no future for me here. If I stay in Napoleonville, this place will kill me, one way or the other.”

Okay, you think. I can let him go. After everything he’s done for me, this is how I can be the friend that he deserves in return. “You should leave, Amir,” you say, tears stinging in your eyes. “I hear you, I understand you. I just wish I could go with you.”

“No, don’t cry, don’t cry! This isn’t the end. I’ll fly back to visit, you know that. Grandma’s still here, you and Cadi are here. And you can visit me too. Maybe you’ll even settle down on the West Coast someday. Eight more years and you’re free.”

You try to imagine your life then: Cadi headed off to college—and she will go to college, you’ve already decided that—and your tether to Willis weakened, closer to 40 years old than 30, Aemond and Christabel nearing their anniversary. How many children will they have by then? Three? Four? And the Lake Verret project will be well-established and no longer in need of so much of Aemond’s attention, and the house they call The Last Desire will sit empty on the lakeshore, warm draughts breathing through it like blood in veins. “I wouldn’t know how to exist anywhere else.”

“You’d learn,” Amir says confidently. “Now, have you ever made a Napoleon cake before?”

“I don’t think so. Not that I can remember.” You consider this. “My mom might have a recipe lying around somewhere. I’ll call and ask her.”

“Yes, do that,” Amir agrees. “If she doesn’t, I’ll try to dig one up at the library. We’ll want to have a few practice runs before the rehearsal dinner. Gotta impress the Rockefellers and their soulless millionaire ilk. Unless you were planning to have a homicidal meltdown and make the custard out of antifreeze or something.”

You chuckle. “No. Probably not.”

“It would be difficult to blame you.” And he turns on the little pink Panasonic radio: Alone by Heart.

~~~~~~~~~~

In a spacious corner booth of the Olive Garden in Gonzales, Aemond is talking about Lake Verret as you pick at your Tour of Italy and Frank Sinatra pipes through the speakers. You could swear they have the same three songs playing on a loop: Fly Me To The Moon, My Way, Luck Be A Lady, back to outer space again.

“But by total coincidence, Daeron has been researching desalination techniques for his latest article. Apparently there are ways to try to mitigate the damage and reduce the brackishness of the water, so we’re going to be—”

Abruptly, you ask: “Where does Christabel think you are right now?”

Aemond’s forehead crinkles, his fork hovers above his plate of herb-grilled salmon. He’s wearing a black t-shirt and his Marlboro jacket, jeans, Adidas sneakers. “Why do you care?”

“She’s getting the wedding I always wanted, did you even notice? She’s getting married at the Chapel of Saint Honoratus of Amiens in Belle River. She’s getting wildflowers and flickering candles.” And she’s getting you too.

“Okay,” Aemond says slowly. “I’m not involved in any of that.”

“I think you are, actually, because you’re kind of the groom.”

“But I don’t do the wedding planning,” he insists. “I have no idea what Christabel has arranged. My job is to be there on the day in a suit and that’s just about the extent of the real estate it takes up in my brain.”

“She’s never mentioned any of that to you? Not once? You’d swear on your life?”

He sets down his fork with a clang and stares fixedly at you. Your waitress glances over from several tables away where she is refilling a couple’s sweet tea glasses. “What do you want me to say? I’m sorry you had good ideas and other people liked them. It fucking sucks that you didn’t get the wedding you wanted when you were seventeen. But that wasn’t my fault. I didn’t know you yet, and you didn’t know me. You can’t blame me for what Willis or anyone else did.”

“But it’s not fair,” you choke out, sounding weak and juvenile, and you hate it but you can’t stop. “I understand that you’re marrying her, I get that, but she can’t have everything.”

“Look…” Aemond laces his hands together on top of the table, and his voice softens. “Even if Christabel didn’t exist, even if you were from my world, even if you were a duchess or a socialite or the daughter of the president of the United States of America, I still couldn’t marry you.”

You scoff; it’s despicable. “Because of Cadi?”

“No,” Aemond says, like that’s preposterous, like he’d never consider her to be a liability. “Because I have to have heirs.”

“Fuck you,” you hiss with vitriol that stuns him. Now the waitress is gawking. “You’re going to manipulate Christabel into walking down that aisle and then immediately get her pregnant?”

“Why are you mad at me?! I’m listening to you, I’m respecting you! You don’t want to have any more children of your own, fine, completely reasonable, I would never ask you to have a baby and go through all of that again for the sake of the Targaryen dynasty, but somebody has to!”

“You really don’t understand why I would empathize with a teenage girl trying to raise a child when she’s lonely and exhausted and confused about why the man she married isn’t turning out to be who she expected?”

Aemond shakes his head like it’s not a valid comparison. “She wants this.”

“She doesn’t know what it is. She doesn’t understand what she’s signing up for.”

“Everyone from a family like mine goes through this,” Aemond says. “My grandparents did, my mum and dad did, Aegon did, even bloody Charles and Diana did, and now it’s my turn. There are growing pains, but people adjust and it all works out eventually. Christabel will learn to manage her expectations, and once the children are born she can find happiness wherever and with whoever she wants to.”

“But you’ll be with her,” you forced out, voice fracturing, and at first Aemond doesn’t grasp what you mean. “You’ll…you’ll sleep with her. You’ll touch her, you’ll kiss her, you’ll do everything with her.”

“Surely you, as someone who called up a stranger from a personal ad in the Bayou Journal, comprehends that sex can be a solely physical act under the right circumstances.”

“So what, you’ll fuck me and then go home to her? Or you’ll fuck her and come home to me? And I’m supposed to live like that?”

“Yes,” he says, like it’s simple, like it’s easy.

You gaze morosely out of the restaurant window. In the distance is a Dollar General, a Burger King, the Kmart where you had to buy your own engagement ring.

“Do you want me to tell Christabel to change the wedding?”

“No.”

“Because if I tell her to pick a new venue, new flowers, new cakes, whatever, she’ll do it.”

“No. She likes her wedding. I can’t take that away from her. She thinks I’m her friend.”

“Cupcake,” Aemond says, tenderly now. You turn back to him. “I don’t want to fight with you. I’m going to be gone for a while, four or five days. I have to fly to Norway and inspect some of the offshore rigs we have up there.”

“In the North Sea?” you ask, alarmed. “Isn’t that dangerous?”

“I mean, it’s oil drilling. It’s one of the most deadly professions in the world. But that’s how we built our fortune, our legacy. I’ve survived before, I’m sure I will again. If you need anything while I’m gone, you can call the house. Criston knows that you’re to be taken care of.”

“No one else can go to Norway instead of you?”

“I have to go.”

“Why?”

“Because it’s my responsibility.”

“Because Viserys told you to?”

“They amount to the same thing.”

“I don’t think you should listen to him.”

“I have to go,” Aemond says again. He takes out his wallet and lays $30 on the table. “But there’s something I need to show you first.”

As Aemond’s red Audi Quattro barrels down Route 70 southbound towards Napoleonville, you say very little to each other. Once you were strangers, and the words flowed easily and your bodies intertwined with effortless need, and now you have known each other for nearly two months and shared days and nights and confessions and yet every ghost filled up the space between you until it was a splinter, a gap, a gulf, a chasm. You miss the person he was when he showed up on your sloping, creaking porch steps back in May. You miss the person you were before you found out about Christabel.

A Men At Work song comes on the car radio, and it takes you a moment to figure out which one. It’s Down Under, a bewildering hit from 1981. “I never understood this song,” you say, staring through the open window as a jungle of southern live oaks, dogwoods, and cypresses rolls by. Rivulets of opaque, slow-moving bayou water snake through the wild green. Pelicans flap their wings in the pink-golden dusk sky. “What’s a head full of zombie? What’s a Vegemite sandwich?”

Aemond laughs, a smoldering Marlboro Red nestled in his left hand. You wonder if once he’s married he’ll wear a gold band on his ring finger, if he’ll take it off when he cheats with you. “Cupcake, it’s obviously about Australia.”

“What?”

“Down Under? As in, literally below the rest of us in the Southern Hemisphere? Head full of zombie means they’ve been smoking weed. Vegemite is a kind of yeast spread they put on sandwiches. I’ve had it, it’s disgusting. The whole song is in Australian slang. Everyone knows it’s about Australia.”

I didn’t. You look out your window again. Aemond takes note and swiftly backpedals.

“But I mean, I can see how an American wouldn’t know that. No big deal, okay? To anyone in the Commonwealth, Australia is like our fuckup sibling. It’s our Aegon. But you guys probably don’t really learn about Australia in school. So…yeah. It’s probably not as obvious as I assumed.”

“Maybe I missed that lesson,” you say. Maybe I missed that year.

In a brand new neighborhood just outside the town center of Napoleonville, Aemond parks in the paved driveway of a ranch house on a three or four acre lot. The yard is bordered by a white masonry fence with chicken wire around the base to keep snakes and gators out. There are a few dogwood and bay laurel trees, and one monstrous southern live oak that’s probably two hundred years old. Aemond cuts the Audi Quattro’s engine and steps out into the twilight.

“Aemond? What are we doing here?”

“Follow me.”

“Why?”

He walks around to your side of the car, opens the door, and leans down to grab your face with his right hand, his fingers hooked around the curve of your jaw. Instantly, there is a bolt down your spine: hunger, warmth, weakness, momentum that is thoughtless like falling from a great height. “Follow me,” he repeats, grinning mischievously. “Right now.”

Aemond has a key that unlocks the front door. Inside is rose pink carpeting and mauve walls, a sunken conversation pit, popcorn ceilings, mini blinds on the windows, closet doors covered with mirrors. You can see your face reflected in them, puzzled.

“This is the living room, clearly,” Aemond says as he continues briskly through the house. As an afterthought, he kicks off his Adidas sneakers so he doesn’t track any dirt inside. You do the same, sliding off your cheap flats from Kmart. He points down a hallway. “There are two guest bedrooms down there, and then a big one at the other end of the house with its own private bath. Here’s the kitchen…” He leads you through it, mint green with pristine black and white tiles on the floor. “And over there is the dining room.” It’s a kind, golden yellow like dawn or sunset.

“Aemond, what—?”

“Bedroom next,” he interrupts, hurrying you along.

At the end of the hall, he opens a door to reveal a sprawling chamber. It is blue like his bedroom in the Targaryen mansion, but not a deep, vivid sapphire color; it is a pale blue like prairie flax or a clear midday sky. The carpet is lush and soft. There are mirrors on the ceiling.

“Those are optional,” Aemond clarifies, pointing upwards. “But personally, I like them.”

“Aemond, whose house is this?”

“It’s yours,” he says.

“It’s what?!”

“Well, technically, it isn’t yours quite yet,” he admits. “I bought it in cash, it will close in a week or two. At that point I’ll sell it to you for $1—the same price as one of your cupcakes, incidentally—and then it will officially be your house. And it doesn’t even have a sinking foundation or any alligators. Imagine the possibilities.”

“But…but…”

“Cadi’s bedroom is green, like the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. I’ve been told the yard is big enough for one horse, or two very small horses. Ponies, I guess.”

“You cannot buy me a house,” you say, aghast.

“I think I already did.” He holds out the key to you, resting in his palm among lines of prophesy.

You are paralyzed; it takes you forever to find your words. “Aemond, I’ll never be able to repay you.”

“You don’t owe me anything. It’s a gift, not a trade,” he says, the key still lying in his outstretched hand. “Every cent I spend on you, every second I spend with you, is solely because I want to do it and for no other reason. There’s no obligation. There’s no quid pro quo. And that’s what I feel like you don’t understand. I have no logical reason to keep you in my life, absolutely none, aside from the fact that I want you to be here. And I want that with everything I’m made of. I never stop wanting it. So let me help you. Take the key. Take the house.”

His right eye is on you, imploring, commanding. At last, you lift the key from his palm. Studying it like the cryptic letter of a foreign language, you murmur: “You shouldn’t have done this.”

Aemond rakes his fingers through your hair, tilts your face up towards his, skims his lips feather-lightly from your cheekbone down to your lips—though he doesn’t kiss you, only ghosts his flesh over yours, a taste, a taunt—and then up to the curl of your ear. His whispered voice is colored with wicked scarlet desire. “You don’t tell me what to do. I tell you what to do.”

If he yanked off your t-shirt you would let him. If he unzipped your denim shorts and slipped his artful fingers inside them he would find panties soaked through for him. You would let him do anything he wanted to you, here in this glass-fragile liminality before he becomes Christabel’s in law, in body, in inked and inerasable history. But it would not be because you want to, not because you feel ready in your bones, not because you trust him again. It would only be because you could not bring yourself to resist.

Aemond reads this on your face; he stops before you have to tell him to.

~~~~~~~~~~

On July 1st, Cascade Stables is swarming with parents as they descend upon the property to collect their children and meet the horses they’ve spent the past week with. There is a stereo somewhere blaring Your Love by The Outfield; apparently, this does not disturb the horses. You find Cadi beside the stall of a very tall, willowy beast, ears upright and alert, one bulging eye onyx and the other a striking icy blue. Its coat is white with a splattering of rust-colored stains. Even its mane and tail are comprised of alternating strands, dark, light, earth, clouds, cocoa powder, granulated sugar.

“His name is Patches,” Cadi tells you proudly as she pets the leviathan’s velvety muzzle. “He has a wall eye. And he’s a real handful and usually they only allow the experienced campers to ride him, but they let me try and he listened so well I got to keep him all week!”

“Wow, that’s incredible! Good job! Did you learn a lot about how to take care of him?”

“Yeah. They taught me how to feed Patches and clean his hooves and put a saddle on him. And how to hit him with a hairbrush when he tries to bite me.”

Your eyebrows shoot up. “Right. Okay.”

“Can we buy him? He’s for sale. Probably because of all the biting.”

“Who, Patches?” You definitely cannot afford to board a horse; and then you remember the new house. “I’ll think about it.”

Cadi peeks around you. “Daddy isn’t here too?”

“No, honey, I’m sorry. He had to work. But he really wanted to see the horses and he is looking forward to hearing all about your adventures.” This is a lie—Willis seems only dimly aware of the concept of a horse camp, and he is staunchly incurious by nature—but a compassionate one.

Cadi accepts the explanation readily enough. “Alright. Is Aemond your boyfriend yet?”

“Um.” You thread the horse’s forelock through your fingers to buy yourself time. It seems unwise to try to deceive her again; Cadi will learn about Christabel sooner or later. “No, we’re still just friends.” You pause. She watches you, knowing there’s more. “Actually, he’s getting married this month.”

“What?!” Cadi is shocked, but she’s outraged too. “To who?!”

“To a nice lady named Christabel. And I’m sure they’ll be very happy together.” Another lie. And you think for the first time: If I settle for being Aemond’s mistress, if I let it tear me to pieces…what am I teaching Cadi?

Your daughter doesn’t say anything for a long time. She pets Patches’ speckled face, her own expression tense and thoughtful, lines and worries that should be far beyond her age. At last she says quietly: “Is it because of me?”

You are mystified. “What, honey?”

“Is the reason why you and Aemond can’t get married because of me?”

There is a flash of crimson wrath in your skull—protective, animalistic, wronged on her behalf—but no one to direct it at. “No. No, absolutely not. Why would you say that?”

Cadi shrugs, and you recognize it as her self-preservation, faux-flippant shrug. “I don’t know. One time I heard Michelle’s mom talking about how no decent man wants to deal with some other guy’s kids. And that’s me when I’m at your house. Another guy’s kid.”

Oh, fuck you, Janet. “No,” you say again. “Aemond likes you a lot, Cadi. He cares about you.” He picked out a house that could accommodate a horse for you. “You’re the opposite of a problem. He actually likes me more because of you, I think.”

“Okay.” And she’s relieved, although she’s trying not to show it. “Then why is he marrying someone else?”

“Well…it’s complicated.”

“Complicated how?”

Where the hell do I start? “Aemond and I are very different people,” you tell Cadi. “And we want different things out of life. We like to spend time together, but that doesn’t mean that we’d be able to share our whole lives…homes, careers, values, everything. His family has a lot of expectations of him that I don’t feel right supporting, but Aemond wants to respect their rules. And, you know. He’s a robber baron.”

“But he doesn’t talk about Jade Dragon Energy or oil around me. He talks about history.”

You sigh, watching dust motes swirl through the hot, sunlit stable air, listening to horses nicker and huff. “I know, honey.”

“I don’t even think he wants to be a robber baron. I think he wants to be something else.”

“Like what?” you ask, picking stray bits of yellow straw out of her short, disheveled hair. And remarkably, Cadi tolerates this.

“I don’t know, just…just…” She battles with the words, then finds one she likes. “Free, I guess. Just free.”

[redbleedingrose]

What do the batboys do for hobbies in your opinion

Hobbies for Bat Boys!

Rhysand

Okay so to be honest, I feel like Rhys is constantly stressed out being high lord and having to make all these heavy decisions, so his hobby would be something super relaxing and something you wouldn't expect.

First off, Rhysie is such a fashionista, just like his mother. He is absolutely going out with you to pick out all your outfits for the season. You are probably the best dressed female in Pyrthian and it is all because of him. He goes out of his way to custom design outfits for you, often playing a role in hand tailoring dresses that don't fit you perfectly so that it fits you like a sleeve. He knows different styles that look amazing on you, even when you don't think so. All the ladies of Valeris follow your fashion sense, not knowing that it is actually Rhys who is the trend setter for the night court.

Okay, this is kinda out there, but!!! I feel like Rhys would also just love flipping homes. He didn't realize this until after the attack on Valeris, but when he began to help with rebuilding the homes that were destroyed, he realized how much he enjoys the intricacies of designing a home, and surprisingly, he loves the handiwork of it too. Maybe it is the Illyrian in him that finds satisfaction in building something from the ground up. Once the homes of Valeris are rebuilt, he is really bored and can't figure out why until he decides to create a vacation home for just the two of you, and then he realizes what he has been missing out on. Now, he likes to build vacation homes for you and your future children and grandchildren from the ground up.

Cassian

For our daddy Cassian, I think he would pull a fast one on you and be really good at baking. You would think for a big, burly, hunk of a male he would be into wrestling or training as a hobby, but I think he sees it as more-so a job than a hobby. It comes to him when its nearing your birthday, and he is tearing the house apart to find the old recipe book his mother used to create birthday cakes for him when he was just a babe. Finally, he finds it with all these recipes that have tiny handwritten changes inked into the pages, and he realizes that his mum poured her love into her cooking and baking. So he tries to do that for you. Because he loves you more than he can possibly describe. So he bakes a five tiered black forrest cherry cake, with marachino cherries he hand picked from Summer Court (which he had to sneak into and out of with the help of a certain spymaster) and fudge imported from the Autumn Court. It turns out to be the best cake you and he have ever eaten, and thus begins his journey as a home baker. Cass becomes extremely good at making pies, cakes, and macrons. He never shows up to a family dinner without some form of dessert. At this point, even Elain can't complain because the sweets he brings are just too good.

Another hobby that I think Cass would have would be going to nursing homes or daycares where he can interact with the elderly and little babes. He always brings a dessert in tow that has the children literally climbing on top of him. He listens to the stories that the elderly have for him, taking note of all the lessons that he learns from them about love and life, sometimes sharing the stories with you in the deep of night like the little gossip he is. And he likes to play games with all the little babes, encouraging them to join him outside so they can play hide and seek in the woods behind the daycare. Sometimes you tag along because the babes love story time with you, complaining that Cass doesn't show the drawings for long enough like you do.

Azriel

The shadowsinger is indeed a singer.

He spends a lot of time in his private office with you lounging on the couch nearby reading, taking the time to develop different song lyrics and hymns for you. It is the one thing that he inherited from his father that he is willing to accept, is his musical creativity. He likes to collect different musical instruments and uses them to create different toons that he will only ever play for you. Sometimes he puts on one male shows just for you, playing the piano while softly singing you a song that he wrote with you in mind. He could spend hours trying to figure out the different keys and notes that he can achieve just to formulate something that might put into words how he feels about you.

I think Az is also the kind of male who is really interested in learning dead languages. He would find this ancient book in the libraries beneath the the House of Wind, and could spend days if you let him, trying to decode the meaning of the books. He likes the phenotics and analyzing different poetry and trying to make sense of what fae in the past felt and thought.

To expand on the last point, Azzie is def the history buff of the bat boys. He loves learning about the history wars and times of depression in the past, and how the world came together to make something better. You think that he thinks it brings him hope, and teaches him lessons that he can't get from anywhere else. He tries to apply them as spymaster of the night court.

Plus his reading glasses make him look incredibly sexy so you aren't complaining.

Masterlist

What do we think the hobbies are for the Vanserra bros?

[yuurei20]

Ace Info Compilation part 9: Ace, Malleus and Trey

Malleus says that he is glad he came to NRC because he was able to meet an interesting person who is not afraid of him. When Ace asks if he is means the Prefect, Malleus responds that he also means Ace himself.

This is possibly a reference to Spectral Soiree when Ace tells Malleus that the act of kidnapping 600 students and pretending to be possessed by a ghost as a form of entertainment was “not cool.”

Ace tells him outright that he needs to “PLEASE try to show some awareness of how overwhelmingly powerful you are. You’re THE Malleus Draconia.”

Lilia says he is surprised by Ace voicing a complaint to Malleus directly and Malleus observes, “Most students at school keep their distance. And rather a few of them flee at the sight of me. But not you. You spoke your mind openly and honestly, and without the aid of others.”

One of Ace’s earlier interactions with Trey involves Trey convincing him to add oyster sauce to a strawberry tart, and then mocking him for believing it. We learn in a voice line that—much like how Cater invited Deuce to join the Pop Music Club—Trey has invited Ace to the Science Club, but Ace turned him down because it sounded boring.

In a vignette Ace lies to Trey’s face in an attempt to learn answers to an upcoming exam saying that he he didn’t want to ask directly as all Trey would tell him to do is study. Trey offers to tutor him and Ace agrees, saying, “At least you’ll be a lot nicer of a tutor than Riddle.”

Ace causes trouble for Trey in another vignette where he asks Trey to bake a cherry pie for an upcoming Unbirthday Party instead of his usual cakes, inspiring other Heartslabyul students to start submitting requests as well.

Ace insists, “But you’re a pro, Trey. You could improvise!…I know I’d love to have a different type of cake every time.”

Trey decides to let the first-years make their own cake. Deuce calls Ace out for complaining about Ace’s cakes but Ace assures him, “Trey’s a chill guy. It’d take more than that to get him mad. If he got made over that, he’d never be able to manage our short-fused housewarden.”

The first-years’ cake is a disaster, they blame Ace for the mess they make and Riddle threatens everyone with collars.

Trey interrupts just in time with a proper cake for the party and says, “That’s why things are done in a certain, ‘samey’ way. Maintaining the peace is no easy task’ and Ace asks, “Uh, just to be clear, you ARE talking about baking, right? ‘Cause it sounds like you’re talking about the housewarden.”

Trey refuses to let any of the first-year students share his cake until they have eaten all of their own culinary disaster and Ace responds, “So much for Trey being ‘kindhearted and mature’.”

In a different vignette Ace tries to get away with brushing his teeth only once in the evening, contrary to a Queen’s of Heart’s rule, and Trey appears behind him to force him to follow through.

Trey lectures them on the importance of dental hygiene and Ace says, “My preschool teacher babied me less than you…you’re just some kind of weird dentistry nerd! I’m honestly freaked out by how into this you are.”

[ghostradiodylan]

happy holidays! what do you think is each of the counselors' favorite type of pie? (i say this as i am scarfing down pecan pie like my life depends on it) also! optional -what's your favorite type of pie?

Happy Holidays Mothy! Thanks for the cute ask!

I freaking love pie and this is all going to be me completely grasping at straws to headcanon, but I’m here for it! 😂

Abi is my only fellow southerner in the bunch (Ariel Winter is from Virginia and you can pick up her accent from time to time in the game) and I feel like THE quintessential southern pie is pecan, though it’s eaten all over obviously. I would say Abi is either pecan pie or Derby pie (although your answer about Nick never having sweet potatoes almost made me pick sweet potato pie because that would be funny).

Speaking of Nick, I think he’s maybe not a big sweets guy and if you asked him he’d say his favorite was a traditional Aussie meat pie, but for dessert, maybe an apple tart, or something weird like one of those raisin pies.

Jacob is pumpkin pie. It’s a classic for a reason. But he’s also kind of a basic bitch. 😂 He likes it with a pile of canned whipped cream on top and also squirts a bunch of it directly into his mouth like an animal.

For sweet and tart Kaitlyn, lemon merengue. Graham cracker crust over pastry crust, because I said so.

Emma’s whole vibe is classic with a twist, so I’m guessing a lattice-top apple for her with the surprise twist of a little sharp cheddar cheese in the crust. She’ll tell you all about it on her channel.

Ryan’s grandma makes a mean buttermilk pie in P&W, but I think his favorite might be peanut butter. (This might actually be Jacob’s favorite too given his love for Peanut Butter Butterpops, but I couldn’t resist making him the basic one, and I wanted them all to be different.)

Something about my boy Dylan says cherry pie to me but I couldn’t even begin to tell you what. Preferably hot, with ice cream.

@itscomingupaces pegged Max as a cheesecake man in the baking ask and I agree. New York style, of course. Maybe with strawberry topping. Is that technically a pie or a cake? Well, it has a crust, so I think it counts.

Laura I almost wanted to give Saskatoon Berry because Siobahn is Canadian but Laura doesn’t really give her Canadian-ness away like Abi does Ariel’s southern-ness so let’s meet in the middle and say blueberry.

And I rarely meet a pie I don’t like (though I don’t like pumpkin that much, actually, too squishy) but my favorites are pecan, Derby, peanut butter, coconut cream, cherry, and key lime.

[rhapsodynew]

#Fun facts from the history of rock music

LITA & LEMMY

Lemmy wrote the song "Can't Catch Me" for Lita Ford's album LITA (1988).

Lita: Yes, oh my God. I mean, this song is all about Lemmy's energy, I remember him composing it. Damn, what's the line “Don't try to put the strong arm on me.” [idiom] Like: Don't put your finger in my mouth, well. He always said: "Lita, you're fucking cool!"

Then no one wanted to admit that a woman can be a guitarist or a woman can't be a bandleader or a frontwoman. They were always trying to make this sex picture or sex symbol out of me. Of course, I'm good, both as a picture and as a sex symbol. But I'm still a musician, I always wanted to be perceived as a musician first of all.

And Lemmy always treated me like this in the first place.: as a musician. This song is just about that, it says: "I'm not your prey" because I'm so fucking cool, I'm faster and cooler than you “I've seen shit and paradise” (I've seen shit and paradise). Well, so that you can understand the mood in which we wrote this.

It was fun, you have to admit.

// Cherry on the cake: On the record, David Ezrin, the son of producer Bob Ezrin, is also listed as a co-author, who composed a couple more numbers for this album and played keyboards there, which for some reason is not indicated on the back of the cover. There are keys, but who played it is not specified. Sharon Osbourne's management is in its repertoire.

Mick Jagger and the Mars Bar

In February 1976, cops acting on a tip raided Keith Richards' house. When they went inside, Mick Jagger, singer Marianne Faithfull and others were in the living room, Faithfull, who had just come out of the bath, had one towel on. But popular legend has it that the police broke in at the moment when Jagger was eating a Mars bar straight from Faithfull's vagina– which she categorically rejects in her autobiography, calling it "the fantasy of old perverts." The story may have originated thanks to Mars' classic slogan about a bar "filling the gap."

The Bloody Kiss Comic

Sometimes the most absurd legends turn out to be true. Thanks to their impressive images and unsurpassed desire to advertise themselves, Kiss naturally turned out to be comic book heroes. But in 1977, they outdid themselves by allowing their blood to be taken and added to the ink for the first edition of Marvel's Super Special Kiss Comic Book. The musicians were even photographed during the dubious action. Knowing about their sexual and drug experiences, would you want to buy your child a comic book with Kiss' blood?

Verdict: the truth

Frank Zappa won the argument "weakly"

Frank Zappa was so eccentric that perhaps that's why his fans found it easy to believe in the strange stories associated with him. One of the heroes of our article stated that Zappa once won an argument "weakly" (some say that he argued with Alice Cooper), after which his opponent defecated right on stage – and Zappa ate it as a result. Another version sounds like this: Zappa won "weakly" by defecating on stage. And here's what the musician writes in his autobiography, "By the way, folks: I've never dragged shit on stage, and the shittiest thing I've eaten in my life was in the dining room of the Holliday Inn in Fayetteville, North Carolina in 1973."

Verdict: Fiction

Joey DeMaio

De Mayo almost died early in his career. At the age of 23, he played in the band of Dio's cousin, David Feinstein. His pompous winged suit caught fire. The musician jumped into the crowd, and the fans took it as part of the show — after which the musician spent a month in the hospital, healing serious burns to his back and arms.

The story of the song "Lithium" by Nirvana.

Kurt Cobain explained the idea of the song this way: "The song is about a guy whose girlfriend left, his friends, and he's thinking… He decides to find God before he kills himself." "Faith is the last thing that can keep him from committing suicide." Lithium preparations are actively used in psychiatry for the treatment of depression and bipolar disorders.

The CD cover was designed by Kurt Cobain; a sonogram (intrauterine photograph) of his daughter, Frances Bean, was placed on the back of the 12-inch vinyl record. The lyrics of all the songs from the Nevermind album were also attached to the single. The video for this song was directed by Kevin Kerslake and is a cut from the band's live recordings.

Like many Nirvana songs, the song is based on an alternation of a calm verse part and an energetic chorus.

Many people know that Michael Jackson owns the rights to most of The Beatles' lives. At one time, it even ended his friendship with Paul McCartney. But the music of businessmen is not an isolated achievement of Michael Jackson. In 2007, he acquired power over part of the cataloging in response to her "Just Lose It" video, which Markal distributed to the star. This performance cost Jackson $370 million, and its owners presented themselves as Real Slim Shady without me.

[mrrkvk]

Mortal Kombat sweet stuff headcanons part two?..

Johnny Cage gives small caramels to everyone who seems upset to him. He has a special secret pocket in his jacket, where he keeps a ton of peppermints and lollipops.

Sonya Blade is cherry ice cream enjoyer.

Cassie and Jacqui simply grab all definitely unhealthy and totally full of chemical dyes and preservatives sweet thing they see in a market. Sometimes they also buy a lot of energy drinks and soda, to make "battery acid." (And regrets it the day after, but continue doing it, like, every weekend)

Kung Jin visits one exact coffee shop and always order one specific cappuccino and various buns, cakes or cupcakes. (Maybe he visit this cafe on some special time. Maybe bc of one special barista. But who knows.)

Takeda isn't really used to sweet stuff, so he will like anything. And maybe overeat because "oh wow this cheesecake is so tasty I've never eaten anything like that before."

Jaggs sometimes bakes really good poppy seed roll or buns.

Hanzo once got «dragon's beard» candies (pishmania) from Kuai with a lot of nice tea, now this is his favourite sweets.

[artzychic27]

Back at the Barnyard quotes for no reason

Jean: Hey, folks! Viewer mail time again! *Opens a latter* Here’s one from Sally, age 14. “Dear Jean, aren’t you interrupting the story at the most suspenseful part?” Well, the answer is yes, Sally. Yes, I am. Keep those cards and letters coming!

—

Science Kids: *Dressed in burglary gear and relaxing on a massage chair when Jagged Stone suddenly walks in* Jagged Stone?!

Jagged Stone: Yeah, I’m Jagged Stone. What are you all doing in my house?

Science Kids: … Robbing it.

—

Simon: All rise! Court is now in session! The honorable Judge Marc presiding!

Marc: *Sits at the desk and immediately bangs the gavel* Guilty! Now let’s get to the punishment!

Alya: You haven’t heard any evidence yet!

Marc: I don’t need evidence! I can tell she did it by her beady little eyes!

Marinette: *Nervously shifting her eyes*

Marc: But, if you’re gonna make a big deal about it… Prosecutor, proceed!

—

Austin Q: Hey, Denise. Can I teach you the dance of love?

Denise: Is one of the steps my foot on your neck? ‘Cause there’s a dance I could really enjoy.

Austin Q: Ooh! Shot down! *Backs away*

—

Simon: Hm. I guess stupid is contagious.

—

Cosette: We gotta ditch the body! He knows too much! We gotta take care of him!… We gotta whack him.

Aurore: There will be no whacking! Okay, Ivan’s a good guy.

Mireille: And he’s a vegan. God bless him.

Ismael: And, uh… What’s a vegan again?

Lacey: Ah, I got it. It means you can’t eat anything with a face.

Jean: No, no, that’s a vegetarian.

Cosette: I think vegetarians have to eat in the dark.

Reshma: That’s vampires.

Lacey: And, you can’t eat cheese?

Reshma: It’s not just cheese. Vegans can’t have any dairy products.

*Aurore silently freaks out when she notices Ivan starting to wake up, but the others are oblivious*

Denise: Cake has egg products.

Simon: But you can’t have any dairy.

Ismael: Aw, but I love dairy! Does that mean I can’t be a vegan?

Marc: I love the smell of bacon! There, I said it!

*Ivan wakes up, and the students gasp*

Ivan: Huh? What’s- *Denise kicks him in the head, effectively knocking him out*

Aurore: WOULD YOU NOT DO THAT?!

Denise: It’s not like we have a lot of options.

—

Aurore: We gotta snap him out of this. Okay, Jean’s family. He’s like the crazy uncle we never had.

Cosette: Uh… Right… I never had a crazy uncle…

*Flashback*

*Five year old Cosette is listening to their crazy uncle speak utter nonsense*

Crazy Uncle: The Easter bunny has betrayed me! We’ll have to close the beaches! You can’t close the beaches, we’re a summer town! Get these turtles outta my head, PLEASE! Aaand, linge! *Starts line dancing while scatting* Dah Dah! Yah Doo! Dah Dah!

*End flashback*

Cosette: *Shudders*

—

Denise: *As four Akumas stalk toward them* Well, well. Whatever will I do? *Drop kicks all of them without moving from their spot*

—

Kim: I prechewed it so you wouldn't waste jaw energy.

Adrien: ... So the sandwich in my mouth was previously in your mouth?

Kim: Nice taste, eh?

—

Adrien: Hey, anybody ever notice that Ladybug and Marinette are never together at the same time?

Alya: You're really 31 flavors of dumb, aren't you?

—

Shadow Moth: Hey! Who's there?

Ladybug: Your worst nightmare.

Chat Noir: And Chat Noir!

—

Austin A: No, I don't wanna get eaten, I'm too young! Too young!

Austin B: Dude, you're not gonna get eaten.

Austin A: What, you're saying I wouldn't go nice with some low-fat chips and a cherry cola?

—

Ismael: *To Bubbler* You got rid of the only people standing between us and shallow graves so we can celebrate the day this guy *Points to Adrien* came into the Earth?

—

Nathaniel: *Whispering* Whatever you do, do not eat the... *everyone runs and eats Louis' mini pizzas* ... All right. I guess they're all right.

Louis: I hope you like them. I made them with love... and flaming hot chili sauce! *All of the students start screaming as they try to cool their tongues down*

Marc: *Completely calm and eating another mini pizza* Man, you guys are lightweights.

—

Aurore: I don't buy it. There's no way Marinette pushed Lila down the stairs. Come on, let's go solve the case of the pushed Italian.

Denise: I don't know, Aurore. That's really going to cut into my weight-lifting time.

Aurore: I'll bring snacks.

Denise: I'm in!

—

Alix: *After Louis leaves* He's gone, but you can still smell the stupid.

—

Alix: Hey, what did you use in that energy drink?

Marinette: Milk.

Max: Vitamins.

Rose: Love.

Alix: And...?

Kim: And these pepper shakers. *Holds up a stick of dynamite*

Alix: That's not pepper, that's dynamite!

[sergeantsporks]

So, in light of Chapter 28...

Caleb thought that Phoenix was dead the whole time he was missing?!

That... Hoo boy, that must've eaten him up inside. Phoenix had just gotten settled in the gilded house and begun to find his place in the family when the day of unity went down. Caleb must've felt like a complete and utter failure of a father, knowing that he allowed Phoenix to race off into danger, only for his son to "die" for it.

Does this mean that he thought Jason and Hunter were dead until Phoenix assured (Not that it was very reassuring) him that they were in the human realm? That's even worse! He REALLY must've been heartsick over getting so many of his kids "killed." Sensitive soul Jason, newfound pillar of the family Phoenix, "baby" of the family Hunter...

Plus Luz, King, Willow, Amity & Gus. Titan, I have no idea how this poor man kept himself together while going around thinking that all of those children were dead. Did he... believe that Belos killed them too? That would just be the shitty cherry on top of the gross guilt cake.

He didn't necessarily think that was what had happened for suresies, but he definitely feared the worst had happened. I mean, they didn't come back, and the last place they were seen was falling apart. And then not being able to see them... Evelyn for sure tried to cheer him up by saying "don't worry, if they were dead, the crystal ball would just show us their corpses, it's probably just all of the crazy magic flying around here making the crystal ball fritz out" but as you can imagine. That was not very comforting.

He knows his kids are resourceful, he knew that Phoenix is tough and would protect them, and he knew that Hunter (and the other kids) had magic and he knew that Jason would keep them from giving up, so for the first week, everyone kept an eye out for them. They got as close to the head as possible to see if they could find them He thought they'd come back. He would go out with patrols (until they basically told him "Dad, you're really bad at this, stay home) looking, and he stayed up late. But they never showed, he started losing hope. He didn't hold out much hope that they'd just been turned into puppets, either, because they were. You know. Inside of the crumbling head. And not with the rest of the population. He didn't think it was Belos, though, he thought it was the Collector if anything.

But, you know! The rest of the kids are watching him! And he has fifteen new people to take care of! And their hunting/scavenging range for food has been limited! And there's a godchild out there wrecking everything and he's supposed to be calm and collected and take care of people just like he always has and if he stops to think about it for three seconds instead of continuing to move then he will collapse into a bottomless pit of despair!

[peggy-sue-reads-a-book]

can you tell me what you think each of the gods’ favorite junk food/candy is?

I believe their favorite snacks are as follows:

Hestia — a lil something spicy. Wasabi peas are good.

Hades — his own tears

Demeter — sauce girl. She doesn’t care what it is she just wanna dip it in Buffalo

Poseidon — mad weed. He’s never eaten human food.

Hera — disapproves of snacks but sometimes some kinda mood hits and she wants to order some Mexican. Other than that she just has gross juices made out of celery and kale and stuff. This is primarily to make the other gods feel bad about themselves.

Zeus — large candy bars or like an entire air fried turkey. Refers to most meals as “the sex munchies” since in general the gods don’t eat actual food.

Persephone — no snack. Only sniffs food.

Ares — ur mom’s p^ssy

Hephaestus — emotional eater. Will put an entire birthday cake in his mouth. Also beer cheese. It is certain that he likes beer cheese.

Athena — nerds. The purple kind.

Artemis — a cold pop tart alone in her truck.

Apollo — dip’n’dots but only directly off of Aphrodite’s belly

Hermes - Swedish fish. This is very obvious.

Aphrodite — chilli friessss. Or classic burger w/choccy shake and 2 straws but she wants the cherry for herself so she can show off how she ties the stem in a knot with her tongue. She’s very hungry.

Dionysus — caviar, raw oysters, lamb lollipops. He’s such a foodie and such a pretentious fuck about it.

[castielsprostate]

WAIT WAIT WAIT.!!!! so edward bakes cakes and treats for garth right??? do you think garth makes edward like, blood pudding or something?????????????????? like in a heartshape????????/

OH MY GOD YES YES YES YES YES!!!!!!!!! do. do you think it's.. it's his own blood? like he just. hes a dentist, he has tools. i can probably draw blood, right? what if he made it with his own blood 🥺🥺🥺

my immediate thought is the concept of the taylor swift blank space cake!!!!! but he fills it with his own blood pudding🥺🥺🥺

And the thing is, Garth loved to bake and cook. He was very specific and particular in the ingredients he used, he had often spent hours researching what the best sorts of flour were for different types of bread, cakes and cookies or what different types of sugar do. When his college girlfriend, Bess, had gone through his laptop's internet search history she was fully prepared to find porn- not cooking websites.

Each site was a different recipe, ranging from simple toast dishes to salmon wellingtons and blueberry lemon key pies, mentioning spices she'd never even heard of and cooking utensils she'd never even seen. Bess had known Garth could cook, experienced it herself even, but this, this was beyond her imagination- especially considering the 74 tabs of recipes open in his browser.

(read more because this got. LONG)

So yes, Garth loved to cook- and bake. It was his main love language, even, one which he practiced with such care and consideration he'd often tune recipes to those he was cooking for. Like Bess' favourite pasta dish, a light lemon chicken with a hefty white alfredo sauce and spinach, he'd make for her birthday or Dean's favourite pie, crumbly and juicy apple with a hint of honey and vanilla, he'd always give as a thank you.

But those were all humans, well, mostly humans. Even after Bess had turned, she could never turn down her favourite pasta prepared exactly to her tastes. So rather, he had never made anything for anyone non-human that he hadn't known before- though Benny had eaten a piece of the cherry blossom pie that one time- he'd also been quick to expel it again.

But in walked Edward. All shrouded in mystery and . So Garth needed a peculiar dish for a very, very peculiar man. A superfluous challenge but man, did Garth love a challenge.

He plucked a few books he thought could prove useful from the modest shelf in his living room. Most of them were copies of Bobby's, hand bound on weekends he could squeeze it in during his dental program. Two of the books he grabbed had come from Carlisle Cullen, one of Garth's attendants during his residency rotations.

He waddled his way back into the kitchen, dropping the books onto the small island counters. Garth had some basic knowledge on vampires, for one that they could eat human food, but they'd have to expel it, mostly willingly as Benny had said. Other than that, he had come up empty.

He started to flip pages, indexing to the 'vampire' chapters. Much was the same, basic anatomical facts, how to kill a vamp, the weaknesses and strengths, but nothing useful. Sure, there were paragraphs filled with how a vampire feeds and drains- not nothing about how a vampire eats.

What started as a simple research sesh, had quickly turned into hours of dead ends and loose threads. Garth groaned, a headache blooming at his edges. He needed help. He needed someone with a greater arsenal of lore anyone's ever known and knew exactly where to find it in and instant. Someone that would leave no stone unturned and no leaf thoroughly examined- and he knew exactly who to call.

With a sigh hanging at the tip of his tongue he pressed the number saved under '🩸📚🤪🔪🫎', impatiently waiting as the ringing filled his kitchen, tapping his fingers on the wooden table.

It took three full rings before,

"Hey, Garth- why are you calling at... eleven AM?" the man that answered on the other side sounded a little far away, both physically and mentally, the sound of something Garth couldn't immediately make out was ringing in the background.

"Hiya Sam!" Garth chirped, despite his earlier annoyance it felt good to hear Sam's voice again, it'd been too long, really, "I was researching, er, something but I couldn't find anything conclusive,"

"Uhm, give me a moment-" Garth couldn't really make out the rest from what Sam was saying, the only bits being 'I told you to not-' also 'no, Dean-" and "he set the kitchen- fire-". Most of it was unintelligible, but he could fill in the blanks easily enough.

Garth skimmed some more of the pages he'd pulled out as the grumbling on the other side continued

"Okay, what do you need exactly?" the background noise had mostly faded, replaced by the occasional soft footstep of what Garth assumed to be Sam's.

"I'm-" Garth paused. He hadn't actually thought this far ahead, he hadn't even really thought this through at all when the realisation of what he was doing hit.

He was calling Sam Winchester, a fellow hunter not known for his kindness towards monsters and a disturbingly impressive kill count, on what a vampire would be able to eat.

Love made blind, or something like that.

"Garth?" Sam's voice boomed, "are you still there?"

Another beat of silence before a meek "yes," sounded with an added, "I'm just- figuring out how to word this without it sounding, hm, weird?"

"Hit me, I've heard worse,"

"Alright," Garth sighed, quickly tacking on, "what do you know about vampires and eating human food?"

Garth had predicted a silence, a long, achingly pressing beat of silence to befall upon them as Sam Winchester would study his words and grind them to a pulp in his head trying to make any sort of sense out of it.

He hadn't predicted the immediate hostility of, "Garth-" there was fight laced in Sam's tone, a cold lilt edging along.

"Sam, I- please? He's- he's a good one, and you know I can handle myself," Garth was rambling, his arms flailing, "and truthfully, I was skeptical at first as well but-" Garth hesitated, his heart pounding in his throat as the other side was deathly silent, "it's just a thank you, Sam,"

It was silent for a second too long, Garth felt his neck heating, his cheeks burning before a loud and loaded sigh rung through the air.

"Right, so," Sam grumbled, the slices of pages turning filling the dead air, "it says here- hold on-" a rattle and a fuss later, the man sighed, "right, vampires can usually hold their food, it gets rejected later, blah blah, hm- alright, it says here that 'if it's interlaced with blood the vamp will be able to hold it down and process it like regular blood'- there's nothing else except a few doodles of vampires eating,"

Garth nodded absentmindedly, knowing full well Sam wasn't able to see him, as he mulled over the words.

"So, I just- add blood? How much of it?"

Sam huffed a laugh, "This isn't a cookbook, man, I don't have measurements for you,"

"Okie dokie," Garth rubbed his temples between his thumb and index fingers, "well, thank you, Sam, I think I can actually get somewhere now,"

"Call us if- you know, just call us, yeah?"

"I will, tomorrow," Garth quickly added, "don't breathe a word of this to Dean,"

Sam was slow to agree, but did so in the end, something Garth was incredibly grateful for. He didn't need Dean to pester him about this or worse- show up and 'handle it' himself.

They gave their farewells, with a promise on Garth's end to call to say he was either alive or a cry for help, and a promise for Sam to keep quiet to his brother.

Garth allowed himself a moment of silence, staring at the books and papers in front of him before scooting his chair back and scavenging his home for whatever he had. He had needles around somewhere to practice injecting anesthetic to his dental patients, and he should have some sort of a tube to connect to it.

He grabbed some other things during his hunt, some bandages and a few vials, alcohol. The basics. His heart thumped in his throat as he put everything down on the counter, ranked from first to last needed.

He was doing this. Actually, really doing this. Garth gingerly grabbed the needle, denying himself the second thoughts niggling at the back of his mind, hissing as he slid it under his skin and into his brachial artery.

He drew three vials, filled to the brim with his blood.

He took a deep breath, setting them down next to the flour and sugar, and went to work. Carefully writing each step of the 'recipe' he winged down, next to every precisely weighed ingredient and where to acquire it.

His night went on with adrenaline buzzing in his veins.

Garth let out a grunt, wiping his forehead with a satisfied smirk lining the quirks of his mouth. The kitchen was surprisingly spotless- cleaning up along the way really was one of his most prized skills.

The sweet he baked sat proudly on the counter as he snapped a quick picture to send in the groupchat, and one for his baking Instagram, and one to print out for his booklet of personalised recipes he'd collected over the years.

With a sigh he began to clean the last out of place pans, carefully placing the cake in the refrigerator and wiping down the counters one last time before retreating upstairs.

It was morning, Garth thought it was at least, meaning he powered through the night without a second thought, and Edward wouldn't be over for another solid few hours.

So he took a nap, a well deserved and very much needed nap.

"I made you something," Garth fidgeted with the hem of his sleeve, "I researched a bit, even called someone with more knowledge about it,"

Edward eyed the man in front of him, how his jumper had a spot of white dust clinging to it, how his hair was slightly disheveled and unruly and how the rims around his fingernails were puffy and pink. He looked homely, utterly exhausted, but oh so sweet- like a drop of fresh honeydew, intoxicatingly addictive.

"It's," Garth gestured towards the small kitchen table, just below the south baywindow. He'd gotten some fresh flowers from his garden after his nap, lavenders- Edward's favourite- and even replaced the runner with a lilac floral trim white one, matching the colours of the vase, "not much, really, but I wanted to, well,"

A simple white cake sat atop a cutting board, heart shaped with perfectly imperfect piping lining the top and bottom edges. A black hilted knife laid next to it, glinting under the LED light kitchen light.

Garth pulled the hem of his jumper, the details that felt out of place sticking out like a sore thumb.

But Edward didn't seem to care about the creased table cloth, or the skewed chairs- his gaze was steadfast on the man in front of him, making Garth squirm.

"Go ahead,"

Edward took it as permission, almost, and grabbed the knife, raising it slowly, then down all at once, Garth's reflection getting caught as the knife plunged deep into the cake. You couldn't see it immediately, but you'd know- the scent of iron penetrating your very being as the thick, dark liquid oozed out little by little.

Garth really regretted putting down a white runner now.

"Is it- I didn't know where to get blood on short notice," Garth bit back his embarrassment, barely, as he replayed the events of the night before. Researching, calling Sam of all people, drawing his own blood like a sacrament. Was he losing it, he wondered, ghosting his fingers over his arm.

Edward's expression was unreadable, his eyes trailing the drips of blood. Garth bobbed on the balls of his feet, his fingernails softly digging into jis flesh as he carefully watched the vampire's every little twitch and stir. The crease on Edward's forehead smoothed over ever so slightly, barely a hint of it happening if it wasn't for the few millimetres his eyebrow dropped.

"Thank you," Edward said, the quirk of his mouth ticking up, "you don't comprehend what you just gave me,"

And that's when Garth Fitzgerald IV, a shoddy half edged werewolf, knew that he would give anything for and to Edward Cullen, a bloodthirsty, ice cold vampire. His home, his blood- his own heart freshly carved out of his brittle chest by his own hands and serve it on a platter.

[kmp78]

https://www.bild.de/unterhaltung/leute/leute/jared-leto-ueber-die-volle-dosis-leben-super-star-hat-angst-vor-kuchen-85431320.bild.html

Jared Leto (51) has many talents: He is a singer (Thirty Seconds to Mars), actor („Dallas Buyers Club“), model (Gucci), Hollywood star - and driven. Because stopping, coming to rest and being with himself for a short time is not Leto’s thing! He is the personified discipline, almost an ascetic. Often he just likes to go crazy - and the people around him with him.

When you meet Leto, he seems absent and unapproachable. He is often strange, always fascinating. But if you inspire him with a question that really concerns him - no matter how absurd, then it is hard to stop.

„I like cake,“ Leto starts in the BILD conversation. And further: „But I have only very rarely eaten cake in my life. And now I don’t eat any anymore, because I give up sugar. Of course, I know Black Forest cherry cake, and I also know that you Germans bake good bread. But I like to castrate myself. Who knows, maybe one day I’ll dare to eat cake.“

Leto can shock and surprise others well. In addition to his films (2014Oscar for his role as a transgender in „Dallas Buyers Club“) and music, he regularly makes headlines that he actually no longer needs. Whether intentional or not - only he knows that himself.

What does he love more - the music or the movie? Leto to BILD: There are harder tasks in life than what I do. But of all my activities, filming is the most difficult. The work allows very little room for manoeuvre. Making music, on the other hand, is comparatively easy.“

Born in Bossier Cit, a small town (60,000 inhabitants) in the northwest of the US state of Louisiana, Jared moved from city to city at a young age with his grandfather, who worked for the US Air Force.

His mother was a photographer, his brother Shannon (53) is the drummer of his band. Leto: „I grew up in a very creative environment.“

An environment that let him be the way he wanted to be. Sex with groupies, make-up and high heels, rock’n’roll: For Leto, everything has always been an option - except drawer thinking or a ring on the finger.

Leto has dated show beauties such as Cameron Diaz (51), Paris Hilton (42) and Lupita Nyong’o (40), but he didn’t want to get married so far. He recently had his allegedly current girlfriend, model Thet Thinn (27), with him during his visit to Germany.

Is she the one? At least he sings in a song on his new album: „I knew I would stay with you - after just one touch.“

Leto to BILD: „Well, the question is always how long you stay. I’ve never said that I’II stay forever.“ However:„Maybe my life will become a little calmer over the years, and I can then also enjoy the simpler things.“

It just has to touch him something or someone at the right time ...

"Enjoy the simpler things"?

Well things don't get much more simpler than your gf, so... 😂🙌

[hqmillioncorn]

A little curiosity never hurt anyone!

Dear Cherrypit, who has never ever done anything wrong in his life mind you, stared down at the person who Viggo was talking to. They looked really confused all of a sudden. So confused and puzzled that they just stopped talking. "Don't worry he just does that? What was your question?" Viggo waved any concerns aside. Besides, it was totally normal for any two-year-old to bite your head with their very sharp teeth and just hang out there until someone told them to get down. It was how he showed he loved you!!!!

Lalapril 4/17 Storm with @winduphaurchefant ’s Viggo

its raining outside i guess but more importantly, cherrypit wants a snack.

Another flash of light illuminated the night sky and Babycorn let out another scream. She covered her ears dreading the inevitable loud booming noise that was soon to follow. When the sky crackled and shook the walls of the mansion she retreated deeper into the safety of underneath a chair.

While Babycorn was hiding, completely scared out of her mind, Cherrypit was very busy standing on the small windowsill and yelling at the storm outside. With the occasional growling.

He was really mad at the really mean rain outside that was making his sister cry.

“Bababababa!!” Cherrypit barked, pounding his very large sleeves on the window. Sometimes he would fog up the window and forget what it was he was doing until he wiped away the fog and remembered what he was doing.

Then the cycle would repeat over and over. 

At the same time all of that was happening, Viggo, who just happened to be sitting on the same armchair Babycorn was hiding under, was considering his options. 

He had been sitting there before the storm had started thundering. Eating a yummy slice of cake all to himself. When the first sound of thunder had occurred he was taken by surprise, but not as surprised as he was to see Babycorn scurry under his legs and under the chair he was sitting in. 

As cute as it was to watch Cherrypit yell and press his face against the window he was a little worried that if he dared move Babycorn would bite his legs in response.

It wouldn’t have been the first time that happened. 

As another loud boom rang through the mansion Viggo carefully and very slowly began to push himself off his seat. The chair let out a small squeak and he heard Babycorn growl under him. To which he responded to sitting right back down. “Okay. Yeah. Got it.” Viggo had been the victim of a Babycorn hand bite just a week prior and he had no desire to repeat that experience but on his legs instead. 

If only Babycorn knew just how funny this entire situation really was. Maybe then she would have decided to spare Viggo from this fate. 

Viggo turned his attention from Babycorn to Cherrypit. Everyone in the mansion was well aware that Babycorn’s only weak point (besides her temper) was her little brother.

If you could get Cherrypit to agree with you on something, then Babycorn had no choice but to follow his lead.

Viggo nervously cleared his throat. “Cherry? Cherry, can I ask you something? It’s really importaaant?” Cherrypit didn’t so much turn his head to look at Viggo. Instead he decided that trying to bite the window was a better way to use his time. 

Maybe if Viggo had something to jingle in his hands it would be easier to get his attention.  

He looked around. The only thing that Viggo could see around him that could possibly catch Cherrypit’s eye was a basket of fruits and the half-eaten cake he hadn’t finished. “Hmm…If only there was someone here that would help me finish this CHOCOLATE cake that is sitting right in front of me.”

He placed the back of his hand on his forehead and leaned back for added effect. Though there really was no need to. 

Viggo could see Cherrypit visibly hear him, his ears perked up and he became almost eerily still. Until, in what Viggo could have sworn was just the span of a split second, Cherrypit had somehow teleported right onto Viggo’s lap. An extra added effect to the scary factor was that thunder had flashed the very moment Viggo noticed him. 

“Whoa!?” Viggo felt his legs start moving like he was about to take off running but at the most it only made Cherrypit giggle a lot. Which was still very cute. 

“Cake?” Cherrypit tilted his head, back and forth and back and forth. “Cake? Cake?” 

“Oh! Uhh…” Viggo looked to the side, there on the table was the aforementioned half-eaten not-actually-chocolate cake. A fork was sticking out from the top of it. The strawberry on top had been eaten already, by him, so Viggo hoped that Cherrypit wouldn’t be disappointed about that. “Right over there!” He pointed to it, “Let me just grab it so you can start eating i-” 

Cherrypit decided that he didn’t want to wait any longer than he already had. He grabbed the cake with his sleeves and ate the whole thing in one bite. With a mouth full of cake he smiled at Viggo, “Mmgmoaooyyoeu!” Was what he managed to mumble.

He hadn't even minded one bit that it wasn't his favorite flavor of cake.

“Yeah! Okay!” Viggo could do nothing else but stare as Cherrypit grabbed the plate and started to chew on it. 

He knew Babycorn often said that the reason Cherrypit often chewed on furniture and stair railings was because he was still teething, but Viggo wasn’t too sure about that. 

Another flash of thunder lit up the room around them. Cherrypit wasn’t scared of storms like his sister was so he hadn’t even noticed it. What he did notice was a something else, a little something that sat right in the middle of Viggo’s forehead. 

Viggo didn’t seem to notice that Cherrypit was staring right at him and went on with his previous idea. “Cherry I was wondering if you could ask Babycorn if she could-” Viggo was suddenly cut off by Cherrypit grabbing his face with his slightly chocolate covered sleeves. “Uh. Chewry?” Cherrypit was squeezing his face just a little bit. It was kind of uncomfortable. 

“Co! Cookie!!” Cherrypit repeated. He continued to say it over and over as he stood up and poked Viggo’s head. There was another thunder flash and boom but Cherrypit didn’t care all that much. He was too fixated on getting the tasty looking snack on Viggo's face.

“Ow. Ow.” At this point Viggo had had enough. He, very carefully, grabbed Cherrypit and held him up in the air and away from his face.

Cherrypit laughed to himself and kicked his feet back and forth. The tiny amounts of whipped cream he left on Viggo’s face made him laugh. Even funnier was that he thought Viggo had no idea, but he did.

Viggo noticed that Cherrypit kept reaching his sleeves towards him, specifically over to the top of his head. “Coco! Cookie! Cookie!” Cherrypit squealed. Then he began to mindlessly chew on one of his sleeves with a smile. 

The wind outside began to die down a little. Viggo looked closely at Cherrypit, trying to figure out what he was so transfixed on. Maybe it would be easier to just ask? “Cherry? What do you want? Is there…something on my face?” Besides the frosting of course. 

Cherrypit babbled happily to himself. “Cookie!! Cookie!!” He pointed towards Viggo’s forehead. 

“Cookie?” Viggo moved his head up, when he did he only saw the ceiling. 

That’s when he had a realization. “OH! Do you mean my…?” His voice trailed off as he brought Cherrypit closer and up to his third eye. It was weird, usually most people never noticed it if his bangs were covering it.

Almost like he was perfectly disguised as a guy that wasn’t from Garlemald. 

Cherrypit wiggled in his arms. “Eat? Eat?” He swiped his sleeve around Viggo’s third eye. Underneath his sleeve, and unbeknownst to Viggo, he was forming his hand in the shape of a claw. Ready to pull out the thing that Cherrypit assumed didn’t belong on Viggo’s head. 

Viggo very quickly realized what Cherrypit was trying to do. He brought Cherrypit down to the ground.  Cherrypit let out a whine and put his arms up, asking Viggo for uppies. As sad as Viggo was to break his heart he needed Cherrypit to understand. 

“Cherry please, you can’t actually take it out.” Viggo explained. “It’s part of my face and is most definitely not for eating.”

“Out?” Cherrypit chewed on his sleeve as he processed Viggo’s words as hard as a two-year old could. “No?” 

“Right.”

“Out!” Cherrypit’s eyes sparkled. 

“Yes” Viggo did a double take. “Wait! N-No actually! Not out! It has to stay in!” 

“In!”

“That’s right! In!” Viggo needed Cherrypit to understand this. If he didn’t he was afraid he would wake up one day with Cherrypit staring right at him, or worse. As cute as Cherrypit was there was a certain sense of creepiness when he stared at you too long. 

Cherrypit nodded. “Okay!” It looked like he did understand. But little did Viggo know, is that he really did not understand. Something that would prove to be true in the many years to come. For now though, Cherrypit had his mind on other things. Like going to go play somewhere else. 

“Bye-bye!” Cherrypit waved his oversized sleeve at Viggo and began to waddle away. He started to take the staircase down to the lower floor one step at a time. Once he took the second step Babycorn realized that he was getting farther away from her. 

“Cherry?!” 

Viggo heard her muffled voice coming out from the chair underneath him.”Woah?!” His seat shook as Babycorn poked her head out and eventually she crawled out from her hiding space with a manic look on her face. 

“Cherrryyyy! Wait for me!!!” As it turned out the fear of thunderstorms was heavily outweighed by the fear of losing sight of Cherrypit. Babycorn practically leapt down the stairs to follow her brother. 

“Bebe!” Cherrypit jumped up and down, wiggling his arms around. “Bebe! Bebe!” Then he took off running deeper into the mansion, beyond a wall, and out of sight. “Cherry!! Wait for meeee! Babycorn wailed as she sprinted after him. She tripped and fell on her face twice but to her credit, she kept on going. 

Viggo finally stood up from his chair and watched as Babycorn and Cherrypit ran out of view. 

Had it been his imagination or had Cherrypit just run through a wall?

[ramuneempiremtl]

Slave-kun's Happy Life in Another World: Chapter 12

I suddenly woke up with a sound like "pachi".

When I blinked, it was morning. I didn't even dream.

Magical sleep is scary.

My body is incredibly light. I can see how I've been living in a dilapidated state until now. This is the original weight of this body.

I'm very hungry, maybe because I recovered so quickly.

I got up and stretched, and when I looked at the next bed, my master was sleeping soundly.

I wonder what time it is. It's the same 24-hour system as my original world, but not many people have clocks. The people of this world are very generous with their time - no, they're just loose with it.

It's probably around 7 o'clock.

I got dressed lightly and made the bed that had provided me with amazing softness, and when I went to the main room, Aki, the cook, was already working. The leader is also there.

"Good morning. Did you sleep well?"

I nodded.

Hmm, I can't have a conversation without my master. I guess I'll have to get used to this too.

I went back to my room after using the bathroom and washing my face.

"This is breakfast."

Aki placed on the table something flat like a naan and something that looked like fruit… fruit!

The naan-like thing was just bread. It was spread with something sweet, maybe honey, and it was very delicious. The tongue of this body is very happy. This boy seems to like sweet things.

Next, the fruit. It has a shape I've never seen before. A nice fragrance spreads gently. This is also a new scent.

I was looking at it in the palm of my hand when it was snatched away by a hand that reached out from behind.

"!"

"Peel it like this and eat it."

My master has woken up.

I've already started eating.

The peeled fruit tasted like a peach with the texture of a cherry and the sweetness of a grape. I like this.

In front of my master is the same bread as mine (but twice the size), fruit (twice the size), and cooked meat! It's amazing in the morning.

I guess I'm eating better than the inn's food because of Aki.

I'm glad that this "fatten up the boy's tongue" plan is going smoothly. This is a good party.

"Today's plan is to go to the guild branch first and settle the matter of the borrowed house. I also have to do the job I'm receiving as a disguise."

"Don't forget about the hired hand."

Hired hand?

Seeing my puzzled expression, my master told me, "The guildmaster forced on me a 'caretaker until you get used to the city', and he stole the party's belongings, so I turned him over to the guards."

Did something like that happen?

It must have been hard.

Oh, I think I get it. I was welcomed because I'm a slave, a slave who has a magical contract, because the hired hand was untrustworthy.

It's ironic that slaves are considered more trustworthy because they're less likely to betray.

"Are you taking Owl with you?"

"No. I don't trust the branch in this city. I don't want them to know that we've increased our members yet."

"… He'll be left alone at the inn."

"It can't be helped today."

Master, you really don't trust the branch. Is the 'powder' reaching out to the branch?

I'm going to stay behind.

It's a shame because I wanted to see the city.

"… Well, I'll be going then. Lunch is in that wooden box that Aki made for you. You can get water yourself… Don't leave the room, okay? I'll tell the innkeeper not to let anyone in, but don't come out no matter who comes, okay? If you get bored, I'll leave some reading material there for you. It's got lots of pictures. Lock the door and don't go outside, okay?"

I won't go out.

After that, my master and the others left, accompanied by Nove, who had just woken up, and Daine, who was half asleep.

I saw off my master, who had decided to leave me behind but was worried about me at the last minute, and went back to my room and locked the door.

Now, what should I do?

My body is in good shape, so I can do anything.

Anything, but what I'm good at is cleaning and laundry. That's a piece of cake. I've already eaten, so it's after breakfast.

Well, let's start with the laundry.

[digitalmidnight]

Ridiculous Kirby Headcanons

Unashamedly silly headcanons featuring the dream team with little to no basis that I can not fit into a fanfic at the time. In no particular order at all with cherry picking from various Kirby media.

Potential Bandana Dee backstories for why he is so high ranking

Adoption into position after Crystal Shards

Literally just walked up and said he's the new kings advisor one day and King Dedede said "K"

Found as child and Dad instinct says protect him, but King Dedede doesn't want to admit to having soft spot at the time so Bandee gets funky title and such.

Made King Dedede a cake and it was so tasty he made Bandana Dee the highest position he could

Just happened to be the closest Waddle Dee and kept getting more responsibilities. Ended up being good at it, it became an official job.

Things that would be funny if Meta Knight didn't know how/what to do, but Galaxia did

How to cook, however all of Galaxia's recipes and advice are ancient so it just looks like Meta is bad at this

A whole language that Meta Knight is pretending to know but it's just Galaxia translating for him the whole time

Dancing

Any weapon besides the sword, assuming Galaxia can still help him if he isn't holding her

Random and obscure facts that make Meta Knight seem well-read

Misc.

Meta Knight's favorite flavor is chocolate. He thinks it's a secret. Everyone in dreamland knows this is a fact.

Meta Knight and King Dedede, despite being highly intelligent in their respective fields, have the world's stupidest internet search history.

King Dedede has every clothing item in every color in animal crossing. He exclusively wears custom designs and the two very expensive crowns. His wand outfits are cosplays.

Meta Knight and Dark Meta Knight have equal drawing ability

Bandana Dee has eaten something, such as a leaf, to see if he could have a copy ability like Kirby.

Kirby has a random fear that pops up sometimes that if he eats a certain food he will gain a copy ability from it and become that food.

Meta Knight owns a pair of stilts. He did not buy these

Kirby has broken into his friends' bedrooms to have impromptu sleepovers

Meta Knight accidentally confuses the names of the members of his crew in much the same way a parent might say their dog's name instead of their child's. Nobody corrects him.

King Dedede is excellent at reading people because he discovered it gives him an advantage at chess and some other games he is determined to win

Waddle Dees learned their "charge at you and attempt to tackle" attack from King Dedede

Bandana Dee prints out fanfiction and binds them. He does not admit to reading fanfiction

Despite being a horrible cook, Kirby has learned to deep fry foods scarily well

King Dedede and Kirby recommend each other cooking shows. Meta Knight watches them too but will never say anything about it

Bandana Dee collects souvenirs from his adventures such as really cool rocks

Kirby has a better range of taste buds than an average human. This does not mean he has better tastes in food than an average human

King Dedede has attempted to get a pet dragon for his castle as all castles deserve a dragon. Kirby was 100% on board with this idea.

Meta Knight plays Cookie Clicker casually

Bandana Dee can not hover because he can not hold his breath. He can swim because he does not necessarily need air

Daroach sometimes sleeps on the Halberd without telling anyone, wakes up on a different planet, leaves to steal stuff, and accidentally gets abandoned on the planet leading him to have to call either his squad or Meta Knight to go pick him up.

Susie has modded video games involving robots as bad guys to make it so the robots win

Sailor Waddle Dee was the Waddle dee who stole Kirby's cake in squeak squad and has told nobody about this

Magolor makes prank DIY videos that encourage stuff like microwaving metal. Taranza falls for these posts.

Marx only texts in L33t speak

Kirby's past friends do visit him or call him at least once a month and on his birthday

Kirby owns Kirby merch. So does Bandana Dee.

Meta Knight has never gotten rid of a gift from a friend. He has many shoeboxes filled with crayon drawings from Kirby

King Dedede can draw realistically however gets too bored to finish the picture unless it's something he is really passionate about

Bandana Dee and Meta Knight are fishing buddies. Kirby and King Dedede are too technically but they keep falling asleep

Meta Knight rage quits Co-op games with the rest of the dream team.

Kirby has all of his friend's favorite foods memorized

The only person to ever beat King Dedede at chess is Kirby. Kirby has only played chess once and needed his friends to tell him how the pieces moved every time

Meta Knight can't drive and that's why he hired Captain Vul

King Dedede shows affection through gifts, mostly food related. Bandana Dee shows affection through acts of service. Kirby shows his affection in many ways, but especially physical affection. Meta Knight shows affection by rigorously training those he cares about so they can defend themselves

Marx has attacked someone else for being a food thief. He has standards and stealing food is a line one shouldn't cross. Marx has stolen food before and will do it again.

At least one of the Meta Knights' names aren't their real name, however they never corrected anyone and so it just kinda stuck

Bandana Dee has good attention to detail which allows him to find an absurd amount of 4 leaf clovers