#he is a teenager and you are a disgusting adult who is excited to read about a teenager who is sexual. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

sequinsmile-x · 6 months

Text

Etch

She gets her first tattoo when she’s 15.

An exploration of Emily's tattoos and the meaning behind them.

-x-

Hi friends!

This was inspired by an ask from @sometimesitswho, who asked my opinion on what I think Emily's tattoos are and what I think Aaron would make of them.

As we all know by now, I get carried away and now a day later we have a 4k fic haha

I hope you all enjoy this, and please let me know what you think <3

-x-

Words: 4.1k

Warnings: Mentions of tattoos/needles, pregnancy

Read over on Ao3, or below the cut

She gets her first tattoo when she’s 15.

She walks into a parlour the first day she’s back in the USA, her trusty fake ID in hand, and a fist full of cash. When she looks back on it as an adult, she thinks that the tattoo artist must have known her ID wasn’t real, the look he gave her and her private school uniform before he took her money was one of suspicion, but he tattooed her anyway. She’d wondered since how many teenagers he’d tattooed, if he simply thought that private school kids with too much money deserved to live with a life of regret whenever they looked at the fading ink etched into their skin.

If Emily ever looked at pictures of herself from that age she was always struck by how young she looked, her finger tracing over her own face staring up at her, her youth faded by ink and time as she touched places she now had fine lines. She looked young even for 15 and she doubts anyone would have truly believed she was 19 like her ID claimed. At the time, she hadn’t felt like a child. She hadn’t acknowledged that she was a kid making decisions that most adults would struggle with, scared and alone other than the help of a teenage boy who never truly recovered from what he had watched her go through.

She remembers walking around the parlour and checking the designs on the walls, idly looking through everything, trying to find something that represented how she felt. Something that would be a full stop for what she’d gone through, an end to something that even then she knew was a turning in her life. A physical reminder of what she’d survived. She walks around for what feels like hours, the artists looking at her curiously, an edge of impatience in the air until she finally makes her decision.

In the end, she settles on a butterfly.

It’s small but intricate. It looks like it’s in flight. Like it’s taking off, ready to start somewhere new now it has escaped its chrysalis, excited to explore its new form now it’s no longer a caterpillar. She decides to have it on her hip. She holds her skirt down to expose her hipbone, and shivers in disgust when the tattoo artist places his gloved hand on her skin as he starts to tattoo her.

There’s an edge of excitement at the thought of what her mother would do if she found out, if she somehow managed to see the small tattoo that was mostly hidden by her underwear, just the top of the wings peeking out, let alone her clothing. It’s a secret rebellion she relishes in for years, a physical mark of anarchy carved into her skin. More than once she almost yells it at her mother mid-argument, almost tells her something she knows she’d hate just to disarm her, to stop the tirade about how she’d let her down again, but she never does.

She keeps it to herself, the tattoo itself becoming just as much of a closely guarded secret as the reason she got it in the first place. Any time a partner sees it, their fingers pressed into her skin as they ask her about it, surprised she has a tattoo in the first place, she doesn’t tell the truth. She claims it was something she chose without thinking, a silly compulsive decision she’d made when she was young and stupid.

She never tells anyone, until she tells Aaron.

___

She gets her second tattoo when she’s 21.

She’s just graduated from her undergrad, any pride she felt for her achievement dampened by the fact her mother hadn’t made it to her graduation, stuck somewhere in Europe on an assignment she wasn’t willing to fly home from even for a weekend.

She’s bored and has nothing to do, all of her friends out with their families for dinner. She’s invited by more than one of them, but she refuses, not in the mood to sit with a normal family, to witness what she’d always wanted to be a part of. She insists she’s fine, even though she isn’t, and she takes her diploma back to her apartment and then heads out, unable to deal with the quiet, the silence and loneliness overwhelming.

She finds herself walking down the street and she stops outside a parlour, her eyes fixed on a ‘walk-in’s available’ sign before she makes a snap decision and does just that. It’s everything she’s always told people the butterfly was - compulsive. Very little thought involved, her decision almost immediate when they ask her what she wants, her very real ID in her hands this time.

She chooses Arabic script, the word ‘home’ emblazoned on her lower back. She writes it out for the artist, a physical representation of something she’d never had, something her mother’s work had taken from her. It’s something she’d always have with her wherever she was, something she would later need when she was living under a different name, Lauren’s reasoning for the tattoo not the same as Emily’s.

The artist asks her to check the letters and the spelling several times, her expression unsure as Emily confirms that it was correct, that she spoke Arabic fluently. The artist didn’t ask any other questions, seemingly aware that Emily wasn’t in the mood to talk. She lays there, concentrating on the sting of the needle, the sharp scratching almost cathartic, a well needed distraction from the ache in her chest, the understanding that once again she hadn’t been enough for her mother to put her first.

When she gets home, she takes off her shirt and looks at both her tattoos in the mirror, turning again and again as she studies them both. The slightly faded ink of the butterfly on her hip, the lines that had blurred ever so slightly in the 6 years since she’d had it done, a stark contrast to the sharp bright black lines of the script on her back. It fascinates her, two moments of her life permanently printed on her skin, their meanings only known to her, secrets she was sure she’d hide forever, convinced that she’d never find anyone she’d trust enough to share them with.

Her mother never sees her second tattoo either, and she is forever grateful for that, not sure she’d ever have the words to explain it to her even if she asked.

___

Emily sighs contentedly as she settles into her bed, her limbs a delicious mix of heavy and light as she stretches, the cool sheet soft against her bare skin.

“You ok, sweetheart?”

She smiles as she looks at Aaron, walking out of her ensuite, naked apart from a smug smile on his face. They’d come back to hers after their date, something he’d insisted on before they had sex, his gentlemanly nature both something she loved and hated about him in that moment, and they’d barely got inside her apartment before they were all over each other. Their clothes were strewn throughout her apartment, starting from just inside the door.

Their transition from friendship into more, into this which felt a lot like the last first date she’d ever go on, was easy. After years of both of them pretending they didn’t have feelings for each other, years of circumstance getting in the way, they’d taken the leap together, something that she thinks with anyone else would have terrified her.

“I’m perfect,” she says, laying on her front, her pillow gathering in her arms as she lays her head on it, “Come over here.”

He doesn’t need asking twice. He’s across the room and under the covers in a moment, his warmth immediately seeping into her skin, removing the slight chill that stepping out of their shared shower had created.

He’s immediately touching her, tracing hills and valleys he’d imagined for years, ones he now wanted to commit to memory, the time they’d taken to take each other apart again and again before their shower not enough. He’d been reverent earlier, paying close attention to her scars. She hadn’t been with anyone since Ian had left her for dead, her skin torn open just like her life had been. With anyone else she thinks she would have been worried, self-conscious about the scars she’d been left with, but Aaron had made her feel nothing short of beautiful.

She’d felt the same way about his scars, raised bits of skin made up of him where he’d had to pull himself back together. A tapestry of the things he’d survived to make it here to her.

He runs his hand up and down her bare back, chasing the goosebumps he creates. He smiles at her, something relaxed and soft to it she would have once seen thought he wasn’t capable of. His hand pauses where her tattoo is, tracing the letters as his smile turns into a smirk.

“I never took you to be a lower back tattoo kind of person,” he says, his smile only getting wider when she narrows her eyes at him.

“Shut up,” she says, unable to fight her smile when he leans in to kiss her, her words slightly muffled against his lips, “It was the 90s.”

“I like it,” he says, kissing her again before he pulls back, his hand laying on her lower back, covering the tattoo in its entirety, “What does it mean?”

She hesitates for a moment, the usual, well-practised lies about her tattoos and their meaning on the tip of her tongue ready to go.

She’d lied to Ian about them. In the grand scheme of things she’d lied to him about it didn’t even scratch the surface, something that flowed easily from her tongue when she considered he didn’t even know her real name. It was something she was grateful for later when he taunted her about them in Boston, a sense of satisfaction found in the fact that she’d never shared with him the part of herself that had only ever been for her. She’d taken those parts of her to her grave, buried alongside any fleeting remaining hope she’d one day find someone she could share those pieces with. That she’d have a partner who’d help her dust them off and treat them with the reverence she’d long since convinced herself she didn’t deserve.

She looks at Aaron, her cheek resting on her hands as their eyes meet, and he’s looking at her with such reverence, such love she realises that she wants to tell him the truth. She knows that whilst it’s their first night together it’s the start of something important, the feeling of forever in the air around them, what she feels for him as permanent as the black ink his palm was currently covering.

“It means home,” she says. She turns onto her side, his hand following her lower back as if magnetized to it, his arm coming to rest over her waist. She puts her elbow on the mattress and rests her head in her palm, her smile sad, “I got it the day of my college graduation. Mother was…” She blows out a breath and shakes her head, her teeth briefly digging into her lower lip, “Somewhere. I don’t even remember where now, but she wasn’t here and she didn’t come,” she reaches out and presses her thumb into the dent between his eyebrows when he frowns, his indignation for a young her clear, “And instead of going to dinner with my friends and their families I wandered around, found myself in a tattoo parlour,” she shrugs, an edge of embarrassment sneaking in as she scrunches her face up, “I’d never really had a home, and at the time it made sense to make sure I always had one with me.”

He leans in to kiss her, his hand skating up her back to tangle in her still damp hair as he holds her in place, “That makes sense,” he replies, kissing her once more before he pulls back, his curiosity getting the better of him as his gaze drifts to her hip. She was covered by the thin sheet over them, but he could picture the small butterfly, the intricate wings having caught his attention where it sat on her hipbone, “What about the butterfly?”

She tenses, the question she knew was coming still somehow taking her by surprise. He knew about Rome. She’d told him months ago when it was just the two of them one evening, talking about anything and everything over a bottle of wine when Jack was in bed and the two of them were still insisting they were just friends. She was talking about all the places she’d lived, all the places she’d love to go back to, and Rome came up. A city she had complicated feelings for, the beauty of it somewhat diminished by what had happened to her when she was young, the famous landmarks everyone always wanted to see tainted by memories of a positive pregnancy test in the bottom of her school bag. She’d told him that night, a secret she’d guarded so closely coming out without her even realising it would.

He’d been nothing but kind and supportive as the final puzzle pieces about the case all those years ago fell into place. That night when she left to go home he hugged her tighter than usual, a safety in his embrace that she’d been seeking ever since.

When she looks back on it, she knows that’s the night she realised that if she could trust him with the parts of her she’d always considered the worst, she could trust him with her heart.

He sees the hesitance, feels how her shoulders get tighter as he asks, and a sense of panic unfurls in his chest. He never wanted to push her too far, to make her curl back in on herself like she so often did when she was uncomfortable. He tucks some of her hair behind her ear, hoping his smile is encouraging when her eyes meet his.

“Em, it’s okay if you don’t want to-”

“I got it when I was 15,” she says, cutting him off before she lets his kindness talk her out of it “I’d just got back from Rome.”

She doesn’t have to say anymore, and she sees the realisation wash over his face. His hand skates down her side, his thumb coming to rest over the tattoo hidden beneath the sheet, his placement exact even though tonight was the first time he’d ever seen it. For a few seconds, he’s silent, contemplating the best thing to say, how to proceed now she’s told him her deepest secrets.

“I really like them,” he says eventually, stroking her skin through the sheet, his smile soft when their eyes meet. She presses her lips together and shifts closer to him.

“Really?” She asks, relief she hadn’t anticipated rolling through her, her cheeks warm with it as his hand once again drifts to her lower back.

“Really,” he confirms, stamping his lips against hers, “They are beautiful,” he says, kissing her, “Just like the rest of you,” he kisses her again, her action lost to her wide smile, her cheek warm as his nose presses into it, “Thank you for telling me.”

She rests her forehead against his and closes her eyes, taking a moment to breathe the moment in, to breathe him in, before she replies.

“Thank you for listening.”

___

She gets her third and final tattoo when she’s 41.

It’s Aaron’s idea. It takes her by surprise when he suggests it, his smile soft as he says they should both get a tattoo. He’d been obsessed with hers since that first night, always pressing his thumb or palm against them at any given opportunity. He asked a lot of questions, fascinated by the process, and she agrees, the thought of doing this with someone this time, with the man she was sharing her life with, making her skin fizz.

It’s different to the last couple of times. Aaron does research. Reading endless reviews for each of the artists and parlours in DC, his face serious as he goes over them, narrowing it down to a shortlist. She finds it endearing, love for him sparking in her chest when she pushes his laptop from his lap and sits there instead, wrapping her arms around his neck as she kisses him. They go back and forth on a design, deciding that they want similar ones but not necessarily matching. They settle on a blackbird, a symbol that means different things to both of them - a conversation with a friend for her when she was dead to almost everyone she knew, and a song that had got him through the worst parts of his life.

They go to get them done a couple of weeks after they move into their house. They own a house together and she’s got a ring on her finger but when the artist shows them the stencils for the tattoos it somehow feels even more intimate, love for each other etched into their skin. She goes first, shows him how it’s done when he jokes that she’s the ‘expert’, something that heavily tattooed artist raises and eyebrow at when he sees her other tattoos.

“Want me to hold your hand?” Aaron asks, his hand already offered out as she sits down, her shirt tucked in under the band of her bra as the small blackbird stencil is applied to her ribs. She raises her eyebrow at him but takes his hand anyway, linking their fingers together as she squeezes.

“You’d better not wimp out on me,” she says, hiding a wince as the artist starts, the vibration of the needle against her bones worse than she remembers.

“Never,” he replies, winking as he squeezes her hand again. He ignores when she tightens her hold on him every now and again, her grip at its fiercest when the artist does the shading.

He watches with fascination when the artist wraps the tattoo, the ink bright and stark in comparison to her older ones, and he clears his throat when she catches him staring, a mischievous glint in her eyes when he looks away. He feels briefly anxious when it’s his turn, a familiar churn in his gut as he takes off his shirt, the scars on his chest on show for the artist. He relaxes when the other man doesn’t flinch, his focus merely on confirming that the scar closest to his heart would be fine to tattoo over.

Emily laughs at him when he has to have a patch of his chest hair shaved off, her hand over her mouth in a half-hearted attempt to cover her amusement, his glare doing nothing as their eyes meet. She watches intently as the stencil is applied to his skin. It was a larger tattoo than hers but similar in design, a matching set that seemed to perfectly represent them. Their pasts different but similar, two paths that had crossed over and brought them together, everything they’d endured leading them to this.

She smiles and offers her hand out to him, “Want me to hold your hand?”

He smiles at the repetition of his question back to him and he nods, reaching out and linking their fingers together, “Always.”

She rolls her eyes at his response and shakes her head. He was never shy about his love for her. He always let her know, took every opportunity to let her know. It was something she’d spent so much of her life living without, but now it felt essential. Something as necessary as breathing. She couldn’t remember what it was like to live without it, without him, and she never wanted to again.

He clenches his teeth as soon as the tattoo artist starts, his body tense and his grip on her hand tight. She squeezes back and smiles when their eyes meet, her expression soft as she gently makes fun of him.

“Honey, you’ve been stabbed by a psychopath. I think you can handle a tattoo,” she says, and he raises an eyebrow at her, his amusement clear.

“Some of us have never had a tattoo before,” he deadpans, squeezing her hand a little tighter as the discomfort briefly gets worse.

When they get home, they look after each other's tattoos, gently rubbing the ointment the artist had given them into each other's skin.

The team find out about Aaron’s tattoo a few months later when he’s hurt on a case, his shirt cut apart by the EMTs as they check him for internal injuries. It surprises them, any attempt to gently make fun of him for it stopped in its tracks by Emily’s glare, her worry for her husband overriding anything else. Instead, they ask a few questions, a hint of amusement tinging their shock, the blackbird on their boss's chest changing their deep seated perceptions of him.

Emily only surprises them even more when she tells them she has a matching one.

___

The butterfly stretches when she’s pregnant.

At first, she thinks she’ll get away with it, that maybe she’ll carry her son in a way that will leave it untouched, the tattoo low enough that it might not be affected. It’s only when she slips from her second trimester into her third that it happens, the wings stretching up over the base of her bump whilst the rest of it disappears, hidden by her son as he grows.

The blackbird on her ribs remains unaffected, almost sitting on top of her bump, as if keeping watch over the baby growing beneath her skin.

She looks at herself in the mirror, turning to the side and smiling softly when she sees the blurring lines of the wings peeking out from under her bump. She’s standing there in a pair of Aaron’s boxers, the band pushed down to lay below her belly, and a sports bra. It was hot, too hot, and she would frequently complain to Aaron that if they had another baby, they’d have to time it so she wasn’t pregnant in the summer.

“How are you two doing?”

She smiles and catches his eye in the mirror, “He’s fine,” she says, placing her hand on top of her bump, “My back hurts.”

Aaron walks over and stops just behind her, his chest against her back. He kisses the top of her head and skates his hands down her sides, lingering briefly on her bump when he feels their son kick. He hooks his hand under her bump and he lifts it, taking the weight of the baby in his hands. He smiles when she groans in satisfaction, resting her head on his shoulder as she looks up at him.

“Does that feel better?” He asks and he kisses her forehead.

“So much better,” she says, stamping her lips against his jaw, “Can you stand right there and do that for the next nine weeks?”

He chuckles, “Whatever you need, sweetheart.”

She smiles and looks at them in the mirror, her gaze drifting down to her tattoo, the slightly warped butterfly fully in view now Aaron was holding her bump up, “I don’t think the butterfly is going to look good when I’m done being pregnant,” she says, watching as he looks down too, “It’s going to look more like a moth.”

He kisses her cheek, encouraging her to turn her head to look at him, his lips stamped against hers as she does so.

“It’s beautiful,” he says, something he’d repeated countless times since that first night together, “It always will be, no matter what.”

She hums and rests her forehead against his neck, her eyes closed as she breathes him in for a moment before she looks back at the tattoo. It was something she’d had done close to 30 years ago, a final page of that chapter of her life. It felt strangely fitting that it was being changed by the start of this next chapter.

A transformation taking place right before her eyes, like a butterfly escaping a chrysalis, breaking free from the bounds made of its own skin.

“Yeah,” she says, placing her hand over his, linking their fingers under her bump, “I think you’re right.”

-x-

Tag List:

@ssa-sparks, @ptrckjcne, @lyds102, @glockleveledatyourcrotch, @hotchnissenthusiast, @danadeservesadrink, @ssamorganhotchner, @emilyprentissisgod, @notagentprentiss, @freesiasandfics, @emilyshotchniss, @thecharmingart, @paulitalblond, @hancydrewfan, @camille093, @whitecrossgirl, @moonlight-2-6, @rawr-jess, @florenceremingtonthethird, @jareauswife, @ms-black-a, @beebeelank, @aubreyprc, @zipzapboingg, @psychopath-at-heart, @criminalmindsgonewrong, @fionaloover, @kinqslcys, @prentissinred, @ccmattis-22, @denvivale317, @thrindis, @hotchsguccitie, @cmfouatslota77, @alexblakegf, @aliensaurusrex, @prentissxhotch, @emobabeyy, @victoiregranger, @stormyweatherth, @wanderingdreamer009, @ssablackbird, @luhwithah, @lex13cm, @prentiss-theorem, @dont-emily-me, @mrs-ssa-hotch, @jocyycreation, @itsmytimetoodream, @hotchnissgroupie, @controversialpooh, @capsshinyshield, @canuck-eh

Join my tag list here!

#aaron hotchner x emily prentiss #hotchniss fanfic #emily prentiss #aaron hotchner fanfiction #emily prentiss fanfiction #hotchniss fanfiction #aaron hotchner #hotchniss fan fic #aaron x emily #hotchniss

64 notes · View notes

memory-echo · 1 year

Text

What’s a Masterpiece?

Will Chi no Wadachi ever be considered a magnum opus? Should it? To this day, I'm not even sure who is supposed to be its target audience. The comment sections consist of a confusing bunch of people, mostly teenagers I imagine, who cry for incest incessantly while missing the horrific incest happening in every chapter. That can't be the target audience, right? Because the story is for adult males... But too many adult males are too busy ‘choking the bishop’ to a pretty face to pay attention to what's happening. Women are deeply worried they're just like Seiko, or that they’ll turn into Seiko somehow, or they come to the conclusion that they’ll never have children (yours truly included). They can't be the target audience for this manga, right?

There's only one group of people who will grasp the complex message of Chi no Wadachi – victims of child abuse. And that group splits into two: there's a subgroup that is disgusted by the fact that this story hits so close to home for them and they are repulsed by it and they never read it. Then, there's that other subgroup (from which Oshimi comes from); that group of victims who find the veneer of fiction to be the perfect way to deal with their personal traumas. Those folks are attracted to the story like a moth to a flame. I imagine that's Oshimi's target audience, his ideal readers, and that's the group that keeps telling us how great this story is and how it should be called his Magnum opus. The rest of us mortals are just confused by what's happening and the message goes right over our heads, as we wonder if this is supposed to be good?

Art-wise, I don't think there's any disagreement, though. His absolute talent for capturing the intricacies of facial expressions and body language is undeniable. The use of negative space and minimalist backgrounds only adds to the claustrophobic atmosphere, emphasizing the isolation and emotional turmoil that Seiichi feels on a constant basis.

A few readers just can't turn away from the sensitive and brutal, unapologetic and unadulterated psychological drama. Its subtlety and rawness makes it pure. Even if there is no worse feeling than our sense of helplessness, we cannot turn away from the truth, which compels us to keep turning the page.

Many people, however, gave up on this manga as it went along, especially after the time skip. The early excitement is gone and you don't hear anybody talking about it nowadays... Even the fellow who started the whole commotion by making that video about the “manga that breaks you”… I wonder if he's still reading it?

https://youtu.be/hVYzc2Xpup0

Dr. Yasufumi Nakoshi was the best thing that happened to this manga in a long time, but having a psychiatrist analyze it in Japanese is going to be inaccessible for many readers. Chi no Wadachi needed that doctor to analyze it thoroughly, but with English subtitles.

https://youtu.be/Ivin4VET0Y8

This manga really needs a multidisciplinary dissection: someone to analyze paneling; drawing techniques; the psychological factor and of course provide the context of Japanese culture. I feel like I'm missing so much due to context. Dare I hope that the folks at Deconstructing Comics will someday take an interest in this story, and dissect this manga the way it needs to be dissected.

Ultimately, given the attention Chi no Wadachi has had, I very much doubt it will ever be deemed a masterpiece, which is a shame, but I have a feeling that Flowers of Evil is the big thing for Oshimi's fans. What can I say? The world is unfair.

#押見修造 #Shūzō Oshimi #血の轍 #Chi no Wadachi #manga #Blood On The Tracks #youtube #random thoughts

28 notes · View notes

deviantartdramanow · 2 years

Note

ohhhhh boy.

I used to think clubby was just some funny dude who liked to role-play, and when I found him roleplaying with one of my besties, I felt like I wanted to rp with him too, but I guess I didn't want to pop in and ask him if he wanted to rp cuz that would be rude.

and then a year later he sent me a note asking if I wanted to rp with him. I said ok, he asked me what my interests were which was weird? since I could use any interest (except problematic stuff of course) and when he started the rp.

I was excited until he went "ok now I have this character hypnotize this character and make them act like a baby" and then he went on to mention fucking diaper changing on them. and even worse? he chose underage characters for the diaper shit, like Lincoln loud, wednesday Addams, some total drama contestants, I don't recall which one he used, but I do remember they're canonically underage, and of course his 9 year old oc eduard. idk why he made that oc 9 smh

and later on one of my friends called pedoverse out on his discord server after he sent him a note asking to rp, and my friend said he randomly sent a whole lot of people notes asking to rp which is annoying. he also had a channel about him (his discord server had separate channels to rant on problematic users like him) and there a user showed a screenshot about their friend getting uncomfortable after dream wanted to involve teenage twilight sparkle in diapers, and asking "wHy DoN't YoU lIkE pEoPlE wItH sPeCiAl NeEdS"? after the friend said they were uncomfortable.

and speaking of special needs, I am an autistic person myself, and that excuse he made to do disgusting rps with minors and just be a creep in general really fucking offends me. and how he didn't cut ties from that cuck who drew porn of Cassandra and still supported menslady even after reading a comment about her homophobia further describes how he doesn't deserve to be respected on the internet as a whole. so yeah. after seeing the news and him being a fucking creep in my notes, I've lost respect in him.

so dreamiverse if you are reading this: you might think you are innocent and you are being "bOoLiEd" but nobody is bullying you. you bought this upon yourself. you continue to ask everyone including MINORS you meet to change your 9 year old oc's chris chan wannabe diaper and wipe his dirty butthole with their bare hands despite being called out for it on here and on several posts on da and that's why we are calling you a pedophile. and don't fucking play the special needs card, because special needs does not give you an excuse to creep out other people with your diaper bs.

if you never wanted this blog to go after you, then pick out something else to rp with than changing underage character diapers. or at least accept it if people don't want to rp with you. if they don't want to rp with you then find someone else. or better, go to a site for roleplaying, because da is an art site and not an rp site. and if you want to do diaper rp with someone, age check the characters you want to add to the rp (you might want to age up eduard to 18 or make a new oc who is an adult) and make sure you're rping with adults only.

anyways, either clean up your act, nick, or get the hell off the internet and touch grass.

that's all I have to say about this prick.

(won't ask proof for this since you can simply go on his about page and scroll into the comments and you'll see the same fuckin "my name is nick, want to rp in notes or chat???" over and over, and stuff mentioned above is in the pinned post)

-Mod S

#drama #deviantart #anon post #response #club-dreamverse

4 notes · View notes

chelleblack · 3 years

Text

✖Unhealthy Hypersexualization: Draco Malfoy vs Fanfiction✖

This is an official complaint to all the random Harry Potter writers who have been savagely and ruthlessly destroying the essence of Draco Malfoy. For years, and they've been hiding behind: "He's a fictional character, he's not bad."

After reading so many fanfictions of Dramione / or Draco being the protagonist as such. And, apparently it has become a general rule when writing and bringing Draco Malfoy to life, being that it is not his canon in the first place, (although they defend themselves saying that they want to make it as real as possible, and that is why they have created and reproduced this horrifying image). Second; this is twisted and much more because we are talking about a teenager, not an adult. Without exaggeration, 80% of the fanfics that you find of Draco; he's a sex symbol, despite being a minor in most of those stories. And it's not okay that they want to cover this up just because he's a fictional character. It's still noisy, and troublesome.

The first story I found (and I won't say the name of the fic, or author) had this "trope", it surprised me because I had recently finished reading the HP saga, and the image of Draco, the real personality, was still fresh. So even though it disturbed me, I continued reading for a bit and then gave it up because I was annoyed by the hackneyed badboy cliché they imposed on it. And I thought, "Well, not everyone writes about Draco Malfoy like that, I just had a weird experience, and that didn't mean that everything I would get to see about the Slytherin boy would be like this."

So ... I venture into Fanfiction, I go to Ao3, I give Wattpad a spin, I have a look on Tumblr, I even get into a lot of potterfic forums, a lot of potterfic forums and blogs. And guess what?

It turns out that in an extremely terrifying way, the fandom has turned Draco Malfoy into fanfiction; into a sex symbol, and no one is complaining or even stopping this. What the hell?

Why are all the most famous fanfictions written have this trope? When the hell was Draco Lucius Malfoy Black in the JKR books a playboy? AT THE AGE OF 16!?

Because when it comes to developing a character as deep and complex as Draco: the most interesting and complex thing they do with him is to be a mediocre womanizer, and with a very bad sexual education, very worrying and alarming. I know that in the world of HP, there is machismo, I know that in the Slytherin house they didn't even let women play Quidditch. But still, where did this come from? And why has Draco been the worst hit victim in the fanfic genre? The boy literally never had a girlfriend in Hogwarts days, or talked dirty about women. The only girl in Hogwats who was next to him was Pansy, and although they refuse to accept it; Draco was really fond of her, and he never disrespected her, he seemed rather very reciprocal.

The only character who is constantly sexualizing and speaking macho about women is Ron. But hey, that's another topic.

The real Draco, is the complete opposite of the macho that they have established in the fanfics. Draco is a boy who comes from a strict family, with retrograde ideals, what is the most daring that we have seen of him in the Harry Potter saga? That is, with Hermione in the fourth book when the Death Eaters sabotaged Quidditch and injured several children of Muggle parents; Draco told Hermione that if they saw him they would cast a spell on her and her panties would be exposed as well, hinting at an event they were witnessing with a poor woman flying through the air.

But hey ... Because of that aforementioned scene with Hermione and the "Half-Blood Prince" wagon scene where Draco has his head resting on Pansy's lap and she's stroking his hair and he looks relaxed. They have been the reasonable enough reasons of some writers to create according to the "true personality of Draco Malfoy". I'm not exaggerating, when I discussed this on Reddit, these were the "strong justifications" they gave me.

It is completely ridiculous to claim that Draco is a misogynist because he practically warned Hermione to be careful because he could see her, and they would also blow her up in the air and show her panties, why is this alarming everyone? This is literally how the woman they bewitched looked like, Harry Potter describes her like that, Draco just made a comment on that. And about Pansy, it is already very degrading that they sexualize that scene in the wagon, very personal comments were taken very out of place from Harry. (Which should be noted that Harry always had very out of place comments about other people, but that didn't mean they were good or real)

So, back to the point of the issue of sexism and objectification.

Why didn't they act equally alarmed when Harry began to view Ginny too sexually? Or when Ron used Lavender just to calm his hormones? Where were you to point out the clear objectification of the woman's body? Where were you? They clearly existed hideously in regards to Lavender and Ginny.

However, hypocrites, is Draco alone the only moral and ethical target to escrack on?

In his life Draco Malfoy verbatim according to the books, he only dated more than two girls. His Malfoy-Black family is super traditional; They come from marriages arranged from an early age. Possibly Draco was raised in the most prim way possible. And as he got older, he had more important things to do than act like a hormonal jerk. He had manners and used all his neurons.

Is it very difficult to write about Draco like this? Is that the real boy, is he not a Don Juan, or did he have a long list of exes (and why does this seem strange to you? Draco just turned 18 at the end of the saga, they need to calm down wanting to see that the teens have more partners than the average adult in the first place, that's not normal). The real Draco hardly had any friends, he was an insecure and damaged boy who hid behind that rude and immature behavior that in the end paid dearly. I don't think it is very difficult to overexploit an insecure and complicated boy with too many things and responsibilities. It didn't cost JKR that much.

Or is it that writers find it difficult to write about a man who is not macho and super heteronormative? It's sad to see how they continue to reproduce this crap, and it's very hard to see that they don't hyper-sexualize with a teenager, because they've practically turned him into a bad boy sexual fetish on Fanfics.

They've done it, they've ruined Draco Malfoy. And they are demonizing it even more.

Draco, who is a completely intelligent boy, had one of the most powerful young minds of his generation, apart from Hermione Granger; since apparently they forget that he was for the second in class with her. It has a lot of potential to write a complete saga. And no, it is not necessary to hypersexualize it to develop it. It is not necessary to write about a man who has a fragile masculinity, or who is heteronormative. Although they do not believe it.

I know Draco's character has a very, very vague development in HP, he was missing his historical arc, we all know that. And everyone is free to turn it into a story, and whatever (even if it's annoying and boring to see its canonical image spoil). The problem here is that this type of "trope" is the one that abounds, and Draco is the one that is used the most, nor does he want to use other characters, they only do what they do with Draco, they just continue to idealize him in this way. And it's already reached a point where Fanfiction is making it canon in Fandom, something JKR never wrote, but you keep reaffirming. You random writers took things out of context, made guesses without concrete material. And it seems more like a wave of people hating this guy and looking for the need to make him more dirty, and they can only cope with it by sexualizing and dehumanizing him. They know he has a story with potential, but they hate him so much that they don't want to be nice or treat him like a human.

It is time to accept it.

Because you do that? Could you stop writing like this? It is practically decent. And writing about decent men, what Draco Malfoy really is like, is what it takes; because that's what it really is. Stop apologizing that he's just a character, show how much you need to stomp on him, and keep dehumanizing him.

If you hate him, you better not write about him, you are only causing that poor boy to be killed. And rather it would be very good for you a writer, because firstly, why do you write about someone you hate?

31 notes · View notes

jegulusofwesper · 2 years

Note

You’re seriously defending fuckboyregulus…

yes i am and i will happily continue to ☺️ but for you to know that you either are still following ollie or you saw my comment on a random tiktok and decided to find my tumblr 🤔

so let’s talk about this bestie

you decide what media you consume. ollie very clearly tags their fics if people don’t want to read them because they can’t be arsed that’s on them not ollie. ollie isn’t every child on the internet’s parent.

most of the media people consume is written by adults. your favourite ya book? written by an adult. your favourite show? written by an adult.

the fact that people are bringing their kids into it is absolutely disgusting. people saying they feel bad for ollie’s kids?! ollie is an amazing parent and actually a pretty great person if you actually speak to them. but instead you lot are deciding to spread rumours.

if people are what they write about is jeff davis a serial killer for making criminal minds? or maybe a werewolf for teen wolf? no because that’s ridiculous. or colleen hoover has she fatally injured a child like she wrote in verity? no? so why isn’t it the same for fic writers?

there are so many published books that count as taboo and people go mad over them all excited but as soon as it's a fanFICTION where people explore their kinks and teen pregnancy happens, which i hate to break it to everyone happens a lot, people are suddenly mad. a lot of teens find their kinks and have sex while being teens. guess what..actual real humans teenagers having sex happens but that’s not what ollie was writing about so stop making it sound like it you fucking weirdos. they were writing about two fictional characters not josh and brad who live down the road and help your nan bring in her shopping.

summary: you lovely people absolute dickheads have seriously fucked with ollie’s mental health, and they’ve deleted all of their fics you assholes made ollie take hugo away and he was my baby 🥺 ols i’m joking you need to do what’s best for you i will always support ollie, the people being arseholes to them should give a cactus a blowy, stop with the transphobia, stop with the death threats and get offline and go and touch some fucking grass for fuck sake

@fuckboyregulus i hope you don’t mind me putting in my two pence i will happily take this down if you want me to 💛

49 notes · View notes

giorno-plays-piano · 3 years

Text

Vicious

Part VI

Pairing: Steve x reader, Bucky x reader, Thor x reader, Loki x reader, Peter x reader

Warnings: yandere, obsession, stalking, possessiveness, theft, mention of blackmail, all characters are adults.

Words: 1567.

Summary: Transferring to Stark Academy that has only allowed to take in female students last semester, you realize you are just one of three young women among hundreds of students. Your things are constantly being stolen, and soon you begin fearing for your safety.

Part I

Part II

Part III

Part IV

Part V

________

You spent the rest of your evening like a somnambulist, barely able to concentrate on your projects before you went to bed, barely finishing half of the things you planned for today. Even the change of locks didn't make you as happy as you thought it would. It felt like something between a dream and a nightmare.

Lying in the dark, you stared at the ceiling, thinking of what happened just a couple of hours ago. Why did he do it? Was it just out of habit and didn’t mean anything? Naturally, with his appearance and easy-going attitude, he probably dated many girls and didn’t think much before kissing someone he liked.

Remembering the way he talked to you in the morning, you thought he must have pretended to be shy around you. Thor certainly wasn’t sheepish.

Was it all a sham? Was Loki right about all of them, playing their roles to get close to you? You couldn’t forget the way Thor looked the moment he told you about being smart. It was like something switched inside him, and for a second you saw the real Thor who was far from being your simple, good-natured athlete.

Why did you keep thinking about that stupid kiss even after seeing the man could be dangerous?

Aroused and angry, you tossed and turned until you fell asleep.

____________

Waking up was especially tough, despite the fact you didn't really do much yesterday, meaning you were going to spend your weekend studying. Shoot, and that's when you planned to visit that new chocolate boutique in the city. Maybe you could still make it if you spent more time studying today?

But then again, going to the city alone might be a bad idea. Even if the guys who stole your things were beaten, it didn't mean it had always been the same people following you. The school was full of weirdos, in the end. What if somebody went after you? Steve would definitely say you had to bring one of your guards with you.

Damn. It was better staying in the dorm then.

"Good morning! Are you ready?" Peter's voice broke through the silence, and you flinched, hurriedly applying some lipstick because you didn't have enough time to put your makeup properly.

Well, at least you were fully dressed.

"Just give me a second!" Picking up your bag, you put your shoes on and opened the door, looking at a young guy who's face was lit up like a Christmas tree. "Hi!"

He definitely liked what he saw, and you felt your cheeks growing hot from embarrassment. From the very start of the semester Peter acted very sweet around you, and you thought you could be friends with him. He wouldn't do something as ugly as blackmailing, would he? Thor said it too. Clearly, Steve was exaggerating.

"Did you sleep well? I've heard you changed your lock, so now it'll be better."

"Ugh, I hope so. But I still sleep with my dresser blocking the door." Sighing, started walking, afraid to look in the faces of other students, hurrying off to school.

They must have been disgusted, watching you being friendly with one guy after being all lovey-dovey with the other just yesterday. Although you didn't see anyone in particular, you were sure somebody saw Thor kissing you. And now you were walking the corridors with Peter.

"By the way, what's your Insta?"

What? Your Instagram? Whatever for? Although you had no idea why he needed it, you let him add you, by the time leaving the dorm and walking towards the main building.

Suddenly, Peter got pretty close, his arm on your waist as he lifted up his phone and hummed, "Look here and smile!"

Before you realized what he was doing, the boy kissed your temple, and you heard the sound of a photo being taken by his front-facing camera. What the Hell?!

"Peter!" Pissed at him, you quickly break free and stepped back, but he was already looking at his phone, editing the photo and posting it almost immediately.

You heard your phone buzz when he marked you on the photo.

"That's a good one. You look very cute here."

"What are you doing?!"

"Making a proof we're dating, of course?"

You were taken aback by the sincerity in his voice, and Peter smiled from ear to ear like an excited teenager, showing you the picture: it wasn't that bad, and you looked as if you were slightly embarrassed by Peter's closeness. Oh, of course. He had to convince his friends he was dating you, but he didn't kiss you on the lips that could make other people too suspicious. Instead, friends of Barnes or, say, Thor, would still think it was all for show, and it was their friend who dated you for real.

Shit, Steve's plan was incredibly complicated, and you didn't like it at all.

"Oh, alright." You mumbled, lowering your eyes to the ground, and Peter laughed.

"We'll make a TikTok dance later. If you wanna make people talk, just use your social media." He winked at you and put the phone in the pocket of his pants, resuming walking, and you moved along, your face still hot.

God, what did these guys got you into? You felt like you were lost in the middle of a play, not even having a script to read what was your role in all this.

Before you parted your ways, going to a different classrooms, Peter talked about videogames, the upcoming Resident Evil - apparently, his favorite franchise - and some Dota tournament, but you didn't know much about it, and Peter offered to show you his favorite games "because you can't spend all your time studying!"

He was as careless and sweet as always, but you couldn't get Steve's words out of your mind. Damn, if only you could know for sure that Peter didn't blackmail anyone. Who could you talk to about it? Obviously, not Peter himself, but every time he spoke you had that nagging feeling you needed to talk to him. You barely kept your mouth shut before he went to a different room.

Ugh, why didn't you transfer anywhere else when you still had a chance? Obviously, now you could only drop out of school, and it definitely wasn't something you were going to do.

Luckily, the next couple of hours you were busy with your classes, trying your best to prepare for the upcoming exams. The academy held high standards, and even though you were a good student, it still took lots of efforts to keep up the good work. How Thor even managed to get enrolled, judging by the fact he hated studying and often skipped classes?

Ah yes, he mentioned something about getting a scholarship from the academy for his success in the sport.

By the lunch time you were drained, listening to Peter chatting with an absent-mindedly epxression on your face. Funny enough, Peter's grades were better than yours, even though he spent much less time studying. What, was he some genius like Loki? You felt a little envy.

"I gotta go take my tracksuit, I have PE next," the boy said, and you nodded, throwing away the leftovers of your lunch.

As you stood close while he grabbed his sportclothes, you heard two guys talking behind the lockers to your right.

"Have you seen her today? She's with Parker!"

You tensed immediately. Of course, they were talking about you.

"Yeah, so what?"

"She was with Thor yesterday!"

Watching you froze on the spot, Peter stilled too, listening carefully. Oh shit, you hoped no one cared about who you went with - why should they, in the end - but, apparently, you were drawing too much attention simply because you were a girl among hundreds of male students.

"So what?" The other guy asked impatiently, growing tired of this conversation.

"Are you stupid? She's going out with them! I bet she's looking for a guy." The first student said with excitement, and you cringed. No, you weren't going out with anyone, you wanted to stop the weirdos from following you and steeling your things. Was it too much to ask?

"Yeah, who cares?"

"We have three fucking girls in the whole school, and you don't care if one of them could be going out with you? Besides, this one's pretty. I'd fuck her!"

You felt like you were going to puke any moment. Why on Earth did you decide to transfer to an all-boys school? It was like the whole school were a men’s room filled with stupid-ass guys, and you were locked inside, forced to listen them talk junk.

"You'd fuck a sheep, weirdo. Go get yourself a girlfriend if you can’t stop thinking with your dick.”

Laughing, the guy left, and his friend followed him, shouting something stupid while you breathed out a sigh of relief. Of course, you knew there would be some talk, but you didn’t expect it to be so... gross. Were you really gonna spend the two remaining years here?

Watching you getting frustrated, Peter gently touched you by the arm and said softly, “Don’t worry. They won’t talk rubbish about you.”

“What do you mean?” Suddenly thinking of Steve’s words, you blurted out exactly what you were thinking of the whole day, “Are you going to blackmail them with something?”

“I... what?”

Part VII

__________

Tags: @finleyjayne @alexakeyloveloki @helenaeisenhower @villanellevi @hurricanerin @inlovewiththefictionalcharacters @chris-evans-indian-fanfic @navegandoaciegas @rosalynshields @brattycherub @sllooney @angrythingstarlight @lookiamtrying @buckysbunny @stargazingfangirl18 @dillybuggg @literate-lamb @cosicas-cuquis @sarge-barnes-sir @buckybarnesplumwhore @jaysayey @megzdoodle @gotnofucks @lux-ravenwolf @ximebebx @jeremyrennerfanxxxx123 @sourpatchspinster @biiskuitx @stupendouslovegardener @iheartsebandchris @lovelydarkdaydream @soleil-dor @illyrianprincess @vampirestrawberries @goodgodimaweirdperson @frontmanash @freya-heya @yandematic @mariatietacapitu @d3monslust @maybesandohnos @ibeatuptwinks @mangobangi

#bucky barnes x reader #steve rogers x reader #thor x reader #loki x reader #peter parker x reader #dark steve rogers #dark bucky barnes #dark loki #dark peter parker #dark thor #yandere

327 notes · View notes

waitimcomingtoo · 4 years

Text

In Case You Don’t Live Forever

~chapter eight rewritten~

Pairing: Peter Parker x Venom!Reader

Synopsis: you are Peters greatest love and Spider-Man’s greatest enemy

Series Masterlist

“He’s such a dick!” Peter exclaimed, flopping on his bed with a huff. You laid down next to him and ran your fingers through his soft hair, feeling him relax immediately under your touch.

“What did Flash do today?” You sighed. This was a pretty common point of conversation between you and Peter. Flash always found a way under Peters skin and you were always the one to dig him out.

“He said I photoshopped our pictures together on Instagram. And he said you’d never even look at me, even if I was, and I quote, “waiting your table on your date with him”. He’s such a dick! You do look at me.” Peter protested. You sighed let out another sigh as you thought of an answer. You and Peter had been together for three glorious weeks and each of those weeks, Peter had Flash on his back about your relationship.

“Yes I do. And I love what I see.” You assured him. Peter smiled slightly, too angry to fully appreciate the compliment.

“He tells everyone I’m lying about us being together. I didn’t even tell people, Ned did. And when I said I was gonna take the day off of school to spend our one month anniversary together, he said it was probably just gonna be me alone in my room reading your articles and crying because you’d never give me the time of day.” Peter scoffed. “I wish he would believe me. I hate constantly having to defend our relationship.”

Not knowing what to tell him, you kissed his cheeks and rolled onto his chest. Your one month anniversary was just a week away and two planned on spending every second together to commemorate the event.

“Take my mind off of him, please.” He pouted as he dragged his pinkie down your nose. “What’s new in my beautiful girlfriends life?”

You two absentmindedly compared hand sizes before locking your fingers together.

“I have my final interview with Cletus next week. Then I really gotta finish my story.” You told him.

“You’ll get it done.” He said confidently. “You’re so efficient. When’s it due?”

“Three weeks.” You answered.

“You know what that means.” Peter said. You nodded.

“Balls to the walls.” You said at the same time he said “Pedal to the metal.”

You giggled and he laughed loudly.

“I like how I made a crude reference and you made one about flowers. It really highlights our personalities.” You pointed out. Peter cocked his head.

“Flowers?” He questioned.

“Yea. Petals. Petal to the medal.” You said. Peter burst out laughing, making the whole bed shake. He flipped you over so you were in your back now with him on top.

“Aw baby no.” He laughed. “It’s pedal to the metal, not petal to the metal. Why would you push petals against metal?”

“I don’t know. Why would you put your balls to the wall?” You shot back.

“I personally wouldn’t put my balls against any wall.” Peter said matter of factly. Him saying something so out of character made you snort with laughter. You immediately covered your mouth and burned red.

“That was the grossest sound. I’m so sorry.” You said with hands still covering your face.

“Don’t be sorry. I love all your sounds.” Peter said as he moved your hands to plant kisses on your face. He started with kisses on your cheeks and slowly moved down to your neck. This was new territory for the both of you so let out a soft giggle to show it was okay.

“I like that sound too.” Peter said as he perked his head up. You smiled fondly and it gave him the confidence to keep going. He placed more hot kisses down your neck and you let out another soft sound.

“I like that sound as well.” He laughed into your neck. His lips found their way under your ear in just the right place.

“Peter.” You breathed. He stopped and looked at you. His eyes were full of something you’d never seen before. Pure love and adoration for you. But it wasn’t the puppy love you were used to seeing with him. It was adult love. Committed love. You looked him deep in the eyes and nodded. Without saying a word, you both agreed to take the next step and solidify your love for each other.

That night, you and Peter laid awake and just stared each other. Neither of you said a word. Everything had already been said that night in his bed. You absentmindedly ran your fingers over his lips as he twirled your hair around his finger. You loved him. You wanted so badly to tell him. But Peter was a teenage boy. He just experienced his first time and you don’t want to overwhelm him with his first “I love you” as well. But from the way Peter was looking at you, you knew he knew how you felt.

“I want you to meet my boss.” Peter spoke suddenly with a dreamy smile on his face. “He’s my mentor and basically my father. He’s very important to me and so are you. I want us all to have dinner together. Let’s do it tomorrow night. He’s gonna love you.”

“I’d love to meet him.” You smiled. And you meant it. Peter barely gave any details about his internship. You didn’t even know his bosses name. You cuddled in closer to Peter and felt absolute happiness all throughout your body. He felt it too. Peter Parker was over the moon with joy. He had never been happier.

The next day after school, Peter practically ran down the steps to greet you. He was still on a high from the night before. You were running slightly late and Peter stood in your usually spot and waited for you.

“Whats wrong, Penis Parker? Did Iron Man forget to pick you up today?” Flash teased. Peter turned his back to him.

“No. If you must know, Y/n is picking me up. She’s just a little late.” Peter grumbled. Flash laughed tauntingly.

“Right, Y/n. Is she gonna pick you up on her unicorn and take you on a date at Avengers Tower?” Flash mocked. Peter just ignored him.

“I can’t blame you for pretending to date her though. She’s so hot. I’d like to take her out and show her a good time. Better than you ever could, Penis Parker.” He continued.

“She’s not hot Flash, she’s beautiful. She’s a girl, not a cup of tea.” Peter retorted. Flash’s cheeks heated up at Peters comeback.

“Whatever. I’d still bang her. Even if she was a cup of tea.” Flash scoffed Peters blood began to boil. He wanted to kill Flash for even thinking about you.

“Me too. That girl is straight up glorious. I’d let her do anything she wanted to me, I swear.” One on Flash’s idiot friends chimed in. Peter shot him the death glare. It was getting increasingly harder to stand there and listen to those idiots degrade you.

“You’re disgusting. Show some respect.” Peter said lowly. It wasn’t a suggestion, it was an order. Little did Peter know, your super hearing allowed you to hear the whole conversation as you approached his school. An idea formed in your head.

A nice size crowd had gathered around Peter and Flash’s goons. Peter tapped his foot and waited for your arrival.

“Aw. Penis Parker wants us to show his imaginary girlfriend some respect.” Flash laughed. At that moment, you pulled up on your bike and swiftly took off your helmet. Shocked murmurs swept throughout the crowd. Most stunned of all was Flash, who looked like his eyes were about to pop out of his head. All eyes were on you. Peter noticed Flash’s reaction and smirked.

“Hi baby. I’m sorry I’m late. I’m having trouble getting around after last night.” You said apologetically and shot Peter a wink. You had practiced it in your head. Peters face broke out in an embarrassed smile as boys began to pat him on the back. A few even applauded.

“It’s alright, darling.” Peter said, stepping towards you. You smirked and gave him a big sloppy kiss. It was way more PDA than you were used to but you knew it’d give Peter enough street credit for the rest of college.

“Let’s go babe. Bye Flush.” You called and gave Flash a flirty little wave. If he was gonna call your boyfriend Penis, he was gonna get called Flush. Peter climbed on the back of your bike and you two sped away.

“Thanks for what you did back there. I hate how disgusting those guys are. I’m sorry they were objectifying you.” Peter apologized once you were back in his room.

“It’s alright. It happens.” You shrugged.

“But it shouldn’t. And did you see how they all acted when you kissed me? Like all the sudden I was cool because you were my girlfriend? Don’t get me wrong, you’re incredibly hot and I’m incredibly lucky to have you. But what they don’t understand is, there’s a million reasons why I’m lucky to have you.” Peter sighed angrily. “Your beauty doesn’t even crack the top ten. There’s so much to you. So much grandeur and depth and they just reduced you to a pretty face. It pisses me off.”

You smiled at his kind words and walked over to him, wrapping your arms around his neck

“Peter, I don’t care what a single one of those bonehead boys had to say.” You shrugged. “I only care about you. Those boys at your school are just jealous that you actually have a brain in your head and a heart in your chest when they don’t. Don’t let them get to you. And thank you for all that you said. I really care about you, Peter.”

You wanted to tell him you loved him, but you chickened out. You had only ever said it to Andy.

“I really care about you too.” Peter smiled before kissing you. “Now come on, let’s work on your story.”

That night, you prepared to eat dinner at Peters bosses house. You wore a casual dress and did your hair in loose curls. You wanted to make a good impression on Peters mentor but you didn’t want to look like you were trying too hard. You took a cab, not wanting to ride your motorcycle and risk the helmet messing up either of your hair, to a wooden cabin near a lake. Peter knocked on the door and rubbed his hands together in excitement.

“Here we go.” He beamed at you.

The door opened and your body froze as your eyes landed on Tony Stark. The very Tony Stark who made you your suit. The very Tony Stark who knew you were Venom.

And apparently, the very Tony Stark who was your boyfriends boss.

Tony’s face fell when he looked at you and you felt sick to your stomach. Tony felt it to. He glanced from you, to Peter, to your interlocked hands, then back at you. Your eyes whispered an apology and looked equally as apologetic. He was sorry for how badly this would end when all the secrets were out.

“Come on in, kids. Dinners almost ready.” Tony said suddenly. Peter grinned at you and lead you inside. You faked a smile before giving Tony one last look.

Dinner went as awkwardly as you could imagine. You and Tony couldn’t keep your eyes off of each other. Peter was too excited about his two favorite people meeting to notice the tension in the air.

“Y/n is an investigative reporter.” Peter gushed in between bites.

“Is she?” Tony said, never looking away from you. You felt terrified by his stare.

“She took down Carlton Drake and soon she’s gonna take down Cletus Kasady.” Peter continued with a proud smile. He put his hand on your knee under the table and squeezed.

“Oh really?” Tony’s expression was unreadable. “How did you do it?”

You gulped. He knew exactly how you did it. You had told him the story the day you met.

“I just followed my instincts and didn’t let up until the truth was out.” You stammered. Tony nodded stiffly.

“Right. Y/n, will you join me in the lab? I got something that might help your story.” Tony announced. You felt fear run through your body, all the way to your scalp. You nodded and got up. Your legs were shaking and you prayed Peter didn’t notice.

“I’ll come.” Peter said, moving to stand up. Tony immediately turned around and held up a hand.

“You stay here, kid.” He kept a calm tone. “I just want a quick word with your girlfriend.” Peter sat back down with a smile on his face at the sound of someone referring to you as his girlfriend.

Once in the safety of the lab, you let out the breath you had been holding in all night. You looked anxiously at Tony, waiting for him to speak. He had his back to you, and was still deciding what to say.

“Does he know?” Tony asked suddenly. You shook your head even though Tony couldn’t see you.

“No, sir.” Your voice shook. “I haven’t told him.”

“Do you know about him?” Tony asked, turning to face you. Your face contorted in confusion.

“Do I know what about him?” You questioned. That’s when Tony’s face fell. He realized the extent of the situation. You and Peter were in love and Spider-Man and Venom were enemies. And neither of you knew the other’s secret identity. Tony’s heart broke for the young couple. He knew how much Peter loved you. He also knew how fragile Peter was. Tony wondered if the shock would hurt less if he made the teenagers confront each other sooner rather than later.

“Nothing.” He said quickly. “Here’s what I need from you, tell him the truth.”

You opened your mouth to protest but he held up his hand.

“I don’t want to hear it, Hannah Montana. You need to tell Peter about Venom, or I will. End of discussion.” Tony said sternly.

“But-“

“What did I say? End of discussion.” He repeated.

“But he’ll hate me.” You said sadly. Tony looked at you empathically, knowing you didn’t even know how bad it was.

“He’ll hate you more if you wait to tell him. You have to rip the bandaid off. And who knows, maybe he has secrets of his own.” Tony tried to hint to you. You stared at the floor, not wanting to go back to the dinning room to Peter. You wanted to avoid him, and the conversation, as long as you could.

“You don’t understand, Mr. Stark.” Your voice wavered. “The second I tell him, he’ll leave me. I’m not ready to lose him, I just got him.”

You didn’t want to cry in front of a man you idealized but your heart was breaking.

“You don’t know for sure that you’ll lose him. You need to tell him. Now. You know where he is.” Tony ordered. You could feel yourself beginning to cry no matter how hard you tried to fight it. It was that terrible feeling of needing to cry but feeling too embarrassed to.

“Don’t do that. I don’t want a crying teenage girl on my hands.” Tony said in response to your watering eyes.

“But I love him.” You whimpered. “I love him and I don’t want to lose him.”

Tony’s attention snapped to you. You had never seen Tony Stark at a loss for words before.

“You love him?” He asked. You nodded.

“With all my heart.” You said weakly.

“Have you ever told him that?” Tony asked.

“No.” You said shyly. It was an awkward thing to talk about with a man you barely knew.

Tony looked angry for a moment, then disheartened.

“This is going to crush him.” He muttered.

“I never wanted to hurt him, Mr. Stark. Please believe that. But no matter how much I wish for things to be different, they can’t be. This is who I am. I am…we are Venom. That won’t change.”

“You’ve already hurt him and you don’t even know it.” Tony sighed. You didn’t really understand what he meant.

“I know lying to him is bad.” You admitted. “But would it really be better if he knew? He’d just be afraid of me. I can’t have that.”

“You can’t have a relationship with someone who doesn’t really know you, either.” Tony reasoned

“I know. And I’ll tell him.” You promised. “Just, not yet. I can’t lose him just yet.”

Tony looked at you for a long time and sighed.

“Fine. I’ll give you one week. If you don’t tell him by then, I will.” Tony said firmly. You nodded sadly.

“Okay.” You wiped a tear that had managed to fall. “I’ll tell him.”

“You better. Now let’s go back in there and give him the best night of his life. He deserves that much.” Tony said and you agreed.

You two went back out and ate dessert with Peter. You did your best to enjoy and decide of it, knowing your time with Peter was almost up.

Peter enjoyed his evening to the fullest extent and never suspected a thing. You’d sneak glances at Tony every now and then and he was always staring back.

“I had the best time. Thank you Mr. Stark.” Peter said as you two got ready to leave.

“Yes, thank you Mr. Stark. It was a pleasure to meet you.” You shook Tony’s hand. He shook yours back firmly, both of you knowing you had already met.

“Anytime. And Y/n, good luck. I’m rooting for you.” Tony said honestly. You gave him a thankful nod.

“Good luck with what?” Peter asked.

“My story.” You answered quickly. “On Cleatus.”

You ushered Peter out the door and gave Tony one last look. He nodded at you and held up one finger. You gulped.

This was going to be the worst week of your life.

#peter parker x reader #peter parker x y/n #peter parker x you #peter parker fanfiction #peter parker imagine #peter parker x venom!reader #venom!reader #tom holland x reader #tom holland x you #iron man #tom holland fluff #tom holland fanfiction

470 notes · View notes

missymurphy1985 · 3 years

Text

Out of the Blue

*This was a request*

Warnings - smut / unplanned pregnancy / talk of abortion

I've used a fictional family for Cillian for this, names have been changed.

"That's it then," Cillian sighed, reading the letter from his solicitor, his friend Adam sitting opposite him in the kitchen of Cillian's new apartment in North Dublin. The Decree Nisi, his divorce from Kate now final. He felt a tinge of sadness, he couldn't help it, they'd spent most of their lives together and shared two teenage boys, but he couldn't forgive her cheating on him while he was away filming, the trust had left him completely.

"To a fresh start, Cill." Adam raised his bottle of beer to Cillian's pint of Guinness as they toasted, Ada ln trying to lighten the darkness in his best friend's eyes. "You're better off without her - now you can move on."

"Yeah no thanks, I'm done with women for a LONG time Ad, they're all the fucking same!" Cillian smiled, almost a laugh. "All I'm interested in now is the boys, they've been through one hell of a rollercoaster this last year."

"When are they coming to stay?"

"Tomorrow afternoon, I've got them all weekend."

"Then tonight Mr Murphy I am taking you OUT! Come on, we can go check out that new bar in the city, there's a band on!" Cillian groaned, that was not his plan for this evening. All he wanted was his pyjamas, a good book and an early night. This wasn't lost on Adam. "I'm not taking no for an answer here, come on! It's been months since you went out, let's do this!"

"Adam please... Not tonight yeah? Maybe next week, or.."

"Enough! No! You're not moping any more, I'm taking to out and that's the end of it." Cillian rolled his eyes. Fuck it, arguing with Adam was pointless, he'd known this since high school.

Within an hour they were ready, both of them in jeans and Timberland boots, Cillian in a blue striped t shirt and Adam in a green one. Hair fixed, they headed out to the waiting taxi outside.

"The first sign of someone trying to take my picture, I'm out of there Adam..." Cillian dreaded the thought of being papped out on the town following his divorce. The papers just wanted a scoop on who he'd be sleeping with now he was freshly single and available. Adam nodded in agreement a deal, as the taxi pulled outside the bar.

******************************

Y/n woke up, her head pounding. Opening her eyes she looked around at her surroundings, not recognising a single thing.

"The fuck have you done this time y/n..." You groaned, rolling your eyes and sitting up gingerly, trying to stop the contents of your stomach from evacuating violently over the unfamiliar bedsheets. Glancing at the alarm clock, you groaned again. 8am... Why the hell was it so damn early.. and where the fuck was she?? She heard a door downstairs open and close, and froze. She wasn't alone. Footsteps up the stairs, she quickly hid back under the covers pretending to be asleep as she heard the bedroom door open and the pressure on the side of the bed as someone sat down next to her sleeping body.

"Hey.. you awake?" An Irish voice filled the silence, as the smell of fresh coffee found its way under the duvet you were hiding under. Clenching your eyes tightly together, you slowly pulled the duvet back and opened them, seeing the man you clearly spent the previous evening with. Your eyes found his.. my god they were so blue.. he was handsome.. bit older than you, maybe? You couldn't tell for sure. You definitely recognised him from somewhere other than last night though, maybe he went to uni with you?

"Um... Morning.. I uh -" you sat up, taking the coffee from his hand, thanking him.

"Did we -"

"Did we.."

You both spoke at the same time. Clearly neither of you remembering the night before. You smiled, he smiled, before you both burst out laughing.

"Fucking hell, how wasted were we? We can't even remember if we had sex or not? I've NEVER been that drunk.. listen I'm sorry, this isn't exactly a great morning after huh?" He took a sip of his coffee, blushing slightly.

"Hey this is not something I do regularly okay.." he shook his head agreeing, neither did he.

"Cillian." He offered you his hand to shake, still smirking. "Listen if you can't remember if we had sex, you definitely can't remember my name..." Your turn to blush now.

"Y/n. And no. I definitely don't remember. But if it makes you feel any better, I'm still fully clothed? I don't think we had sex then redressed, do you?" You laughed, showing him you were still wearing the top and jeans you had on last night.

The pair of you laughed in relief.. eyes meeting again as the tension finally left the room.

"I can drive you home whenever you're ready y/n. If you need to get back?" Cillian offered.

"Erm.. oh yeah.. that'd be great, thank you.. listen, would it be cheeky to ask for a shower, or..."

"Hey, no not at all! Just through there," he pointed to his en suite. "I'll fetch you a towel, take your time."

You smiled. Those beautiful blue eyes were captivating you completely, you couldn't drag your own eyes away. He couldn't take his own from yours either, that tension was back, but it was a different kind of tension this time. Neither of you could remember how you got here, but neither of you minded that it had happened.

"You.. I'll go have that shower, yeah?" You moved to stand but stumbled slightly, landing closer to Cillian. He didn't move. Your face was now a mere few inches from his. Those eyes, once again never leaving yours. Your core burned, glancing down you saw the obvious excitement in his trousers, causing you to groan quietly.

He leaned in slowly, lips brushing yours carefully. You couldn't stop yourself kissing him back, within seconds the kiss becoming heated, tongues colliding. He leaned you back down onto the bed, moving his body to cover your own. You couldn't stop yourself, it was as if you were moving in autopilot, everything inside your core was on fire, demanding more of this incredible man immediately.

He stopped kissing you and hovered over your face, rubbing his nose against yours.

"Are you sure about this y/n?" You nodded, and kissed him again hungrily, parting your legs as he fell between them, grinding his own hips against yours. You could feel his hard-on, and you bucked your hips against his.

"Please... Don't stop now... I need this.. even if I never see you again after this Cill, just let me.."

"Baby I don't do one night stands... I'm taking you for breakfast as soon as we're done. Deal?" You smiled, no that was probably a grin. Breakfast sounded damn good right now, but not as good as he'd feel buried inside you.

"Deal. Now fuck me.. please?"

"Your wish is my command." Clothes removed, he grabbed a condom from his jeans pocket (Adam bought them the night before, he remembered that part at least, him slipping a couple into his jeans pocket as Cillian protested he wasn't going to sleep with anyone that night anyway...) Slipping it on, he pushed himself inside you, filling you completely.

"Fuck... Cillian that's fucking it..." You raised your hips with each thrust, he buried his face into your neck, biting the skin and sucking it slightly. You could hear him moaning into your collarbone.

"Shit you feel good... So fucking tight y/n..."

"Harder... Cillian, harder..." Your nails scratched down his back - if he was marking you, you were absolutely marking him in return. His thrusts now came hard and fast, as your walls clenched around him, your body finding that sweet release you needed, you hands pulling his hair hard. He came immediately after you, with a low moan into your hair as he pulled it in return, both of you panting trying to catch your breath.

"Shit me... I wasn't expecting that.." Cillian eased himself out, catching the condom before throwing it on the floor by the bed. Collapsing next to you, he turned to face you.

"I'm sorry... I don't even know you and I'm fucking you.. this isn't me y/n, I mean it, I don't do this, I've NEVER done this before."

"Hey, you've never had a one time thing? Seriously?"

"I was married for 20years until last night y/n!" He laughed, causing you to smile too. Suddenly your smile dropped a little.

"How old are you? If you don't mind me asking.."

"42. You?"

"If I tell you, don't freak out yeah?"

"Y/n I know you're younger okay, just tell me. It's okay."

"24." His eyes widened, was that in horror? Shock? Disgust? You couldn't tell but it didn't look good...

"24?? Shit me... The press are gonna have a field day with this..." You sat up, suddenly extremely self conscious. Age was never an issue for you, you actually preferred an older man, but it clearly bothered him.

"The press?" You asked, confused. "Why on earth would they be bothered?"

Cillian looked at you. You looked back at him completely deadpan. Shit, you were serious.

"Google me. Cillian Murphy." You reached into your jeans pocket for your phone and typed his name.

"Oh shit..."

**********************************

"Y/n, you still with me?" Cillians voice floated through the screen, knocking you from your daydream. Filming over in England for Peaky Blinders, Skype calls were your norm now.

"What? Shit sorry, baby, I was in a world of my own then! What did you say?"

"I asked if that delivery had arrived from Amazon, those books I ordered? You ok?"

"What books? Oh, those.. erm yeah I think so, something arrived for you earlier anyway, I left it on the kitchen side for you for when you get home next week. At least I think I did..."

"What's going on with you? Are you okay? You haven't been yourself for a few days now, forgetting things? You left your keys at work the other day, your phone in your friend's car.. what's going on?" Truth be told, you had no idea. Since your chest infection four months ago, you'd lost the ability to adult. You and Cillian had moved into a new home on the outskirts of Dublin 4 months ago, that morning after being the start of a blossoming romance, that led to you moving in together within the space of 6 months. Everyone had something to say, especially his ex wife who was still telling everyone who'd listen that you were obviously sleeping together while Cillian was still married, obviously he traded her in for a younger model, obviously blah, blah, blah... Never mind the fact that SHE cheated on HIM, no mention of that... Luckily your friends and family saw past all of it, and welcomed the new relationship - seeing how good you two fitted together, it wasn't hard to see why. You were the gin to his tonic, exactly what you both needed without you knowing you needed it. But these last few months, you'd felt completely spaced out - not even you could deny it.

"That chest infection really knocked the wind out my sales Cill, I haven't been right since! My mind's gone to absolute mush! Maybe I'm just run down, I've got the rest of the week off now so I'll get some rest, I promise."

"Maybe book a doctor's appointment y/n, you should be over this by now, you took all your antibiotics, yeah?"

"Yep, every one, right on time. Babe I'm so tired! I can't explain it!"

"Hit the sack babe, get an early one. I'll call you tomorrow. Don't forget to make that appointment okay?" You agreed, eyes growing heavy. You told each other I love you before closing the call and heading straight to bed.

You left the doctor's appointment the following day with tears in your eyes. This couldn't be happening... You took out your phone to call Serena, your best friend.

Approaching her front door, she opened it and immediately held you as sobs racked your body. Taking you inside away from any prying paparazzi, she put the kettle on.

"He's gonna kill me Serena... This isn't supposed to happen! We agreed - this wasn't part of our plan!! What am I going to do? How could I have been so stupid?"

"This isn't your fault y/n.. and he is not going to kill you, okay?" Nausea overcame you and you ran to her downstairs toilet, your breakfast evacuating violently into the toilet bowl. Serena made you a glass of water. Your phone vibrated, Cillian's name appearing on the screen. You ignored it. Again. Three times he'd called, three times you ignored it.

"You have to tell him sooner or later, y/n..." Serena was at the door, glass of water in hand.

"How? How exactly do I tell the man who is adamant he wants no more children that I'm fucking pregnant Serena? And I'm already 13 weeks gone? How did I not know?" Sobs overcame you again, your phone vibrating a fourth time. This time, a voicemail was left. Shakily, you listened to it.

"Y/n what the fuck? Call me. Call me right now." He didn't sound happy - from just a few missed calls, that was a bit extreme! Once you'd calmed down, Serena left you alone in her kitchen while you called him back via WhatsApp, hands still shaking.

"Baby, what's going on?? Paul's just shown me a photo on Twitter of you leaving the doctors with tears in you eyes, what the hell is happening?" You cursed yourself.. fucking photographers everywhere!

"Babe, are you alone? And sitting down? Put your phone on video call." He did as you asked and you saw his panic-stricken face fill the screen as you settled your phone on the counter. He saw your pale, tear-stained face and turned a shade of white.

"Y/n what is it?"

"I went to the doctor's -"

"I know that, y/n..."

"Look, this is easier if you don't interrupt me, yeah?" He nodded an apology and sat back, arms folded. "So that chest infection.. I had to take antibiotics. And it would appear that antibiotics... Well.. they render the pill completely useless and -" his eyes widened as he listened to you.

"The fuck are you saying y/n?"

"I'm pregnant, Cillian. 13 weeks." You closed your eyes, waiting for him to scream at you. Shout at you. Curse you. But he said nothing. Silence. Complete radio silence. You opened your eyes, tears threatening to fall any second. "Well fucking say something Cill!"

"I... I don't... Fuck y/n... This is a joke, right? You're joking? It's April 1st and you're having me on, yeah?"

"No, Cillian, it's July 15th and I am not FUCKING JOKING!!" The tears fell freely now, how much of an arsehole could he be. You saw him stand up and walk across the room out of view and your tears fell harder. Serena re-entered the room hearing your sobs but you waved her back. Composing yourself..

"Cillian... Cillian are you still there? Cillian?!" He came back into view and sat back down, eyes wet. He was crying.

"I'm sorry.. baby I'm sorry I didn't mean.." choking his words, so many emotions running through his mind. Another wave of nausea saw you suddenly dash out of view to throw up in the toilet again. All he saw was you run.

"Y/n?? Baby?? Where you going??" Serena came into view.

"Cill she's fine - it's morning sickness. She's okay don't worry." Cillian breathed a sigh of relief seeing your best friend there, at least you weren't alone.

"Listen, go take care of her yeah, tell her to call me when she's feeling okay.. and tell her I love her. We'll be okay. Everything will be okay, I promise." Serena smiled, nodding her head, ending the call, making her way back to you, still wretching into the bowl.

*************************************

"How are you feeling?" Cillians voice helped to ease the pain. Your morning sickness had subsided, at least for the last couple of days. Your bump appeared out of nowhere once you'd found out you were pregnant, but with the sudden change in your body came changes you really didn't appreciate - your pelvis was agony. Since you hit the 7 month mark, it felt like it was on fire daily.

"Like dogshit. Like my hips want to cripple me. This is hell Cillian, I miss you so much!" You started to cry again, Cillian feeling completely helpless. He'd already missed so much of this precious time filming, neither of you able to come home or visit due to Covid restrictions and y/n having a high risk pregnancy. Severe morning sickness, coupled now with severe pelvic girdle pain, doctors had signed you off on sick until your maternity leave kicked in in 6 weeks time. You couldn't walk now without crutches, relying on friends and family to bring you groceries. You were beginning to resent your own baby, which made you feel even worse.

"I'm on the first flight home tomorrow morning, we wrapped filming up a month early so I could come home sooner. I wanted to surprise you, but I'm shit at surprises!" He chuckled, causing you to giggle too. You perked up, still lay on the sofa like a bloated whale but at least you were smiling now.

"Really? You'll be home tomorrow?"

"Flight lands at 7am. I'll be home by 7:45. And I'm not going anywhere, y/n, I've cleared my schedule. Nothing coming up, no press, no interviews, I'm completely yours and the baby's for the foreseeable future. I promise." Tears fell again, but this time, happy ones. He'd be home in less than 12 hours. One more sleep, and he'd be home.

*************************************

"Come on y/n... You can do this!" You gripped Cillians hand hard as another contraction rippled painfully across your abdomen. Why the fuck did you refuse the epidural? What the hell were you thinking??

"I can't... I can't do it... Cillian I've been doing this for hours I can't..... Aaaaahhhhhh!" You screamed as your body took over and you bore down. The midwife ordering you to push.

"You can, you can baby, come on... She's nearly here! So close now, just a little longer..." He breathed with you, patting your head with a cold flannel to cool you down. Another contraction, another push...

Suddenly the room erupted with a baby's loud cry, swiftly followed by your own. Cillians eyes watered as your daughter was lifted in the air, still attached by the umbilical cord. Cillian cut it, taking your daughter into his arms. It was already decided he would hold your baby first, after all, you'd been carrying her for 9 months! You choked, seeing him holding your baby for the first time, as he carried her over to you to hold to your chest.

"She's here... She's beautiful.. look at her eyes Cillian!" Ocean blue, just like his.

"She has your nose y/n... My god she's perfect..." He kissed your head gently, openly sobbing now and not caring in the slightest. He thanked you. He thanked you for bringing his daughter safely into the world, for going through hell during the worst pregnancy you could've imagined..

"All worth it... Every second.. but I'm never doing this again Cillian.. I mean it, never again." You glared at him then at the scissors on the table, then down at his groin.

"Fuck off, y/n, I'm not having anyone snipping anything down there..."

"Looks like a life of celibacy then Murphy, that's the only logical conclusion."

"I'll book an appointment next week." You smirked. Very rarely did you not get your own way, and now he had two girls against him, he knew he'd never get his OWN way ever again.

And he wouldn't have it any other way.

Taglist:

@queenshelby @peakyscillian @ntmynouis @margoo0

#cillian x smut #cillian x fem!reader #fanfic #cillian x pregnant reader #cillian x childbirth

159 notes · View notes

shakey-hands · 3 years

Note

please please can we get fukuzawa awkwardly having to tell ranpo he’s dating reader and the two of them start fighting and reader is subjected to it??? 😍😍

haha yeah. first ask that imma answer, let me know if you guys want more. my asks are open for any (except mineta gross) mha, ouran, or bungo characters :)

{this one is gonna be done with she/her pronouns but if you ask for gender neutral or he/him or any other pronouns, i can do it}

---

The clock struck two when Y/N looked at her phone, leg bouncing up and down in a way that always annoyed the people around her. Great. It was thirty minutes past their meeting time and her boyfriend still had not shown up with what she understood was his adopted son.

It had been a good plan. Meet on neutral territory, gas up (what Y/N assumed was) a teenage boy with a sweets addiction, and then break the news. Y/N was not sure why they needed to go through such lengthy troubles to inform her boyfriend’s son that they were dating. He was at least old enough to understand what dating was. And from what she had heard from Kunikida, Fukuzawa’s son had a very prominent dating life of his own. But Y/N trusted her boyfriend, no matter how many times he looked off into the distance with quiet wisdom that felt vague.

Y/N sipped her tea, realizing that caffeine would only worsen her anxiety. It didn’t matter how many times Fukuzawa and Kunikida tried to tell her that the meeting wouldn’t be a big deal and that the son would love her, she wasn’t so sure. He was working at the Armed Detective Agency and was good at what he did. At least those were Kunikida’s words as Y/N and him were quietly reading in the same room as they did on Saturday nights. While Y/N appreciated Kunikida for his straight forward/driven personality, he did not fare well in comforting her.

Which brought her to her boyfriend. His solid, piercing eyes would always soften as she talked about her day over their dinner dates and he would brush the back of his hand on her cheek in the moments they were alone with one another. While Y/N rarely noticed because she herself was too infatuated with him, Fukuzawa cared deeply for her after seven months of dating. Their last hurdle was introducing Y/N to Ranpo. Fukuzawa was not at all worried since Y/N had a knack for making sweets and made people feel as if they were special when she smiled at them. There was never a shortage of praise around her.

Y/N checked her phone again, hoping that an apology text would come through and she would not be left in the dark. That however was proving difficult. Fukuzawa was driving with Ranpo eating cotton candy in the passenger seat. He had to be bribed away from the sweets table Dazai had set up for some ungodly known reason to mess with Atsushi. It was embarrassing how long it took for Kunikida to pry Ranpo’s little grubby hands away from the snacks and then another amount of time for Fukuzawa to get Ranpo to put on his seatbelt.

It made Fukuzawa nervous that he was so late. He knew Y/N would be understanding, it was part of the reason he enjoyed her company so much. Knowing her, she would probably be bouncing her knee and staring down at the table, overthinking things. He, of course, was right.

As Fukuzawa was pulling into the parking lot, he spotted his girlfriend’s car. It was pristine, as always, and had a small cat paw sticker on the back left bumper. He smiled inwardly, realizing that he had been waiting for this. There was a future with Y/N and Fukuzawa couldn’t wait.

Ranpo still had yet to get out of the car, his glasses dangling from his shirt pocket and a light dusting of sugar crystals on his lips. He was pouting, of course. Kunikida did not pack enough snacks for the car ride, meaning Ranpo did not have the mental energy to get out of the car and go into whatever flop coffee shop the president insisted they go into. People were so stupid and Ranpo already just finished a case that was so obvious. The local police really needed to be more useful.

“Get out of the car,” Fukuzawa said, getting more and more agitated.

“No,” Ranpo said.

“Let’s go. I promise there will be sweets inside the shop.”

“So? There were sweets at the agency.”

Fukuzawa rolled his eyes, knowing Ranpo would sit in the car out of stubbornness. “Ranpo-”

“Yukichi?” A soft voice called out from the entrance of the cafe.

Fukuzawa turned to see Y/N standing right outside. She had a to-go cup of something hot in her hands, jacket sleeves pulled over her hands to stop the warmth from burning her skin. Even though it was overcast and windy, Y/N still seemed to have a certain glow about her that always took Fukuzawa’s breath away. She waved timidly, not knowing why he was awkwardly standing behind his parked car with a weird defensive stance. He nodded over to her, giving her a genuine smile before turning his head back to the car and glaring.

“Is everything okay?”

Y/N began to approach her boyfriend. The only other time she had seen her boyfriend have this stance was when she had bumped into some eyebrowless pale emo kid in an accident at the mall. Fukuzawa seemed to pick the weird fights, but she just smiled through it. His eyes held a certain annoyance the Y/N had not seen before. Her eyebrows furrowed as she took a step off the curb. Fukuzawa held out his hand, motioning her to not get closer. Y/N paused, unsure about his demeanor.

“Ranpo, don’t make me ask again.” Fukuzawa’s voice held a bass to it that Y/N had never heard before. She could only assume it was his dad voice that he has never had to use with her.

The window rolled down on the old car for just a crack. “I don’t remember a question being asked.”

The voice was whiny and slightly muffled, as if the speaker had sweets in his mouth. Fukuzawa rolled his eyes and put his hand on the glass. Y/N was slightly shocked by her boyfriend, but decided to let him do his thing. She was not a parent and the closest time she had ever been was when she had a babysitting gig decades ago when she was a teen. While she was interested in a family, she had neither the time nor mental capacity to follow through. So she stepped back onto the curb and took a sip of her tea, relishing in the warmth it provided.

“Ranpo, if you don’t get out of the damned car, there will be no sweets at the agency for a year.”

A clear threat had been made.

The door slammed into the car next to it, causing a dent that Fukuzawa watched form. Out from the passenger seat, a short man with a slight pout crawled out of the car. Definitely not the young teenager Y/N had been expecting. He was only slightly taller than Y/N and wore a cape. In fact, he looked like a full grown adult, maybe only ten years younger than Y/N. Her face said it all, though neither men were looking at her. They just stared one another down before Fukuzawa remembered his loving girlfriend stood awkwardly behind him. He motioned for her to come over.

Ranpo did not look impressed as he looked her up and down. Y/N looked too ordinary to know Fukuzawa in her jeans and plain jacket combo. Her shoes were dirty from all the yard work she had done throughout the years. As she got closer, Ranpo watched closely as Fukuzawa gently touched the small of her back before wrapping his arm around her waist. While Ranpo had never seen the President act like this, he did not care.

“Ranpo, I would like you to meet-”

Ranpo yawned loudly. “She’s way too old for me. Almost to hag status.”

Y/N’s eyes widened. She began to stumble over her words, not knowing how to respond. Fukuzawa’s cheeks burned with embarrassment. He couldn’t believe that Ranpo would even think he was trying to set them up. Ranpo made a disgusted face.

“No offense lady, but you don’t even look fun. Like all you do is sit in the dark and contemplate the excitement of frostingless yellow cake.”

How do you respond to that?

Y/N looked down, not sure if she wanted to laugh or cry. She was suddenly thankful for the sudden gust of wind that burned her cheeks, a sign that snow was rolling in. Who insults like that? The little sniffle that Y/N let out set Fukuzawa back into the present instead of the daydream he had slipped into where Ranpo got his ass beat.

“You can’t talk to her like that,” Fukuzawa said sternly. “And she’s not here for you.”

“Obviously. She could never handle the Greatest Detective.”

“No!” Fukuzawa said, tightening his grip on her waist. “I wanted you two to meet because we’ve been dating for a while and I thought it was finally time for you two to meet.”

Ranpo suddenly scoffed dramatically. Once. Twice. Three times. “And here I thought we agreed never to keep secrets! And all this time you’ve been giving your praise to someone else!”

Fukuzawa looked at the small man incredulously. “I’m allowed to date, Ranpo.”

“Not really!” Ranpo exclaimed, throwing his hands up into the air. Those who were passing by continuously glanced, wondering why they were arguing so loudly in a public space. “How gross is that! You’re like centuries old!”

“Look, I just thought you’d want to be in the know. If I had known you’d throw a tantrum, I would have just waited until after we were married.”

In that moment, Ranpo and Y/N spoke simultaneously:

“Tantrum?!”

“Married!?”

“Oh I’ll show you a tantrum!”

Ranpo pushed the old car to make it move back and forth in its parked place before beginning to punch the glass. There was no real power behind his throws, so there were soft thumps being emitted. Next he started to kick the tires, also without power behind his movements. He truly had transformed into a toddler, making the people walking by walk a little faster. He came off as some random crazy person on the street rather than an acclaimed detective.

Fukuzawa didn’t know where to look until a warm soft hand held his cheek, guiding his eyes towards Y/N’s. She smiled softly, ignoring Ranpo as he began to get physical. Her smile caused a chain reaction in Fukuzawa’s heart, making him resist the urge to get down on one knee at that very instance. He did have the ring adding weight to his pocket. She kissed his forehead, making him awkwardly bend down as she chuckled against his skin.

“You want to marry me?”

Fukuzawa blushed slightly. “In due time, of course.”

She chuckled again and nodded. “Of course.”

“I’m not calling her mom!”

#bungo stray dogs #fukuzawa yukichi #fukuzawa x reader #ranpo

281 notes · View notes

callivich · 3 years

Text

I really love the idea of Lip having to take Ian and Mickey home after their anniversary party, so I wrote a little something.

This references a previous ficlet where Lip has an inappropriate dream about Mickey, so adults only please!

Thanks to @udontfuckangie for the advice RE: babies in car seats in ambulances! This was originally going to have Tami drive the ambulance with Freddie but yeah, not safe. So, I had to change things - therefore let’s assume the ambulance is fine parked outside the Alibi for a night. Also, the song is “Hot Girl” by Megan Thee Stallion.

Lip gets into the front seat of his and Tami’s car to find Mickey leaning through the gap, half in the front of the car and half in the back, fiddling with the radio. He flicks through the different stations until he finds something he wants to listen to. Lip wants to shove him backwards and tell him to sit the fuck down, but...fuck, it’s their wedding anniversary. So, he’ll allow it.

“All the hot girls make it pop, pop, pop, bad bitches with the bag say ah ya ya”

“Fucking love this song.” Mickey shouts, turning the volume up, the bass vibrating through the car. He scrambles back awkwardly, elbowing Lip in the side, so that he’s sitting in the back seat. Ian laughs like this is the most hilarious thing that he’s ever seen. They both nod their heads in time to the rhythm, singing the chorus loudly.

Lip shakes his head, if there’s one thing he hates about being sober it’s dealing with drunk people, but, he reminds himself it’s their wedding anniversary and, goddamn, do they deserve to be carefree and happy. And they are feeling very carefree and happy right now. And also very drunk. So much so, it was decided that they should leave the ambulance outside the Albi and Lip would drive them home, before coming back to the bar to get Tami and Fred. It’s not that late, and Freddie is sleeping soundly so he leaves Tami to enjoy the party for a bit longer.

The song ends and Lip quickly turns down the volume so his eardrums aren’t destroyed.

“Play it again!” Mickey shouts, again, as if Lip isn’t sitting right in front of him.

“I can’t, it’s the radio.”

“Fuck you.”

He can hear Ian laughing again, like Mickey is the funniest person in the world.

“Put your seatbelts on.” Lip orders, cutting through the laughter.

“Fuck you.” Mickey replies, as Ian puts on his own seatbelt.

“Very creative, you just gonna repeat yourself all night? I’m not driving until you wear a seatbelt.” Lip sighs, as Ian’s words from earlier come back to haunt him - he’s feeling very much like a dad to Ian and Mickey right now.

“M’fine, just drive, bitch.” Mickey grumbles, punching the back of Lip’s seat.

“No.” Lip taps the steering wheel. “Seatbelt.”

“Here, I’ll do it.” Ian reaches across Mickey and pulls the seatbelt, clicking it into place after a few tries. “Gotta keep you safe.” He gently pats Mickey’s chest.

Lip rolls his eyes at the sappy, soft tone of Ian’s voice, he doesn’t know if he’ll ever get over hearing Ian speak like that to Mickey fucking Milkovich, as if he’s the most precious thing in the world. But, he supposes, to Ian he is. Still, it’s weird.

Checking one more time to see they are wearing seatbelts, he starts the car and wishes for no traffic and an easy ride to the West Side.

“You liked the surprise?” Mickey asks Ian.

“Loved it.”

“I got you good.”

“Yeah, you did. Really thought you’d forgotten.”

“But I didn’t!”

“Fucking love you so much.”

“Love you too.”

And then the inevitable making out starts, and the car is filled with the sounds of sloppy kissing, breathy ‘yeah’s, and some verging on pornographic sounding moaning.

“Wanna suck you off.” Mickey whispers, thankfully loud enough for Lip to hear so he can put a stop to that before it happens. He reaches one arm behind and pushes blindly at Mickey’s head.

“No you’re not, Mickey. I’m serious, sit back.” He pulls his arm back, when he hears Mickey huffing and swearing under his breath. He checks the rear view mirror, and Mickey is glaring at him but sitting upright.

“It’s our fucking wedding anniversary.” Mickey punches the back of Lip’s seat again.

“I know, but you aren’t going to suck my brother off in the backseat of my car. That just isn’t going to happen.” Lip takes a deep breath, goddamn, Mickey is a pain in the ass when he’s drunk, and even more so than usual tonight. Probably down to him being so pleased at pulling off the surprise. And Lip gets that - Ian looked completely astonished when he’d walked into the party. Ian is drunker than Lip’s seen him in a long while - he doesn’t usually drink that much because of his meds, but once in awhile, during a special occasion like this, he lets loose. And it’s kinda nice to see? Because Ian is a sweet, sappy and very silly drunk - there’s something endearing about his behaviour. Lip likes seeing him carefree like this. He doesn’t feel the same way about Mickey, but then, he’s never really found Mickey that endearing.

Lip hears a slurred “c’mere” and some giggling and then there is more kissing. Which is fine, but anything more than that and he’s pulling this car over immediately. He really is in dad mode. He doesn’t want to spoil all their fun, he just doesn’t want to be anywhere near their fun while they’re having it.

The drive seems to take forever, all to the soundtrack of two very in love husbands who are making out as if it’s the first time they’ve ever done it. Lip can’t lie to himself, he’s a little jealous. He’d love a night like this with Tami - just the two of them, happy and silly and able to make out like teenagers. But that’s probably not going to happen anytime soon. Especially if she’s pregnant again. That’s a thought for another day though. Right now he needs to concentrate on Ian and Mickey.

He was hoping to just drop them off, but Lip realises, as he pulls into the apartment car park, that isn’t going to work. Because the first thing Ian says as the car comes to a stop is “let’s go swimming!”

“Yeah! Let’s fuck in the pool!” Mickey agrees excitedly, pulling on the car door and failing to open it.

Lip realises he needs to make sure they get to their apartment before they get themselves in trouble. He has visions of them being found floating face down in the pool, so he helps them both out of the car and firmly steers them towards the entrance to the apartment block.

“No swimming. You two are way too fucked up for that.” He ushers them through the open door into a well lit corridor, lined with doors to apartments and other doors to what he guesses are the offices and maintenance for the building.

“You just.....you just don’t wanna see Mickey without a shirt. In case you get all excited...again.” Ian is grinning, his face flushed.

“What?” Mickey barks, suddenly very interested in the handle of a door which he yanks up and down. There’s a sign that reads ‘private’ and it’s obviously locked but Mickey continues to yank at it for some reason Lip can’t fathom.

“He had a sex dream about you.” Ian is attempting to whisper, but it’s loud, oh so loud in the empty hallway. “I’m not supposed to say because it’s a secret.”

“Ian. What the fuck?” Lip sighs, exasperated.

“Ugh, gross.” Mickey gives up on trying to open the locked door, and turns to Lip with a disgusted look on his face. “Don’t fucking dream about me like that.”

“I didn’t do it on purpose. It was a fucking dream.” Lip realises his mistake as soon as the words come out of his mouth.

“It sure was!” Ian is still grinning. “A fucking dream. Where you fucked Mickey!” He bursts into laughter at his own joke, leaning against the wall.

Mickey still has that disgusted look on his face. “As if I would ever let you....” He shakes his head. “Fucking gross. I love Ian. Only wanna get fucked by Ian.”

Christ, Lip thinks, he needs to get them to their apartment, he doesn’t want to hear anymore of this kind of talk.

Mickey has taken Ian’s hands in his own, and Ian’s looking at Mickey like what he just said was very romantic. “Yeah, Lip, you can’t have him. He’s mine. My husband.”

“It was a dream. It doesn’t mean anything. I definitely do not want to have sex with Mickey. Ok? Let’s just get you two to your apartment. Now.” Lip pushes them firmly, and they stumble forward, still holding hands.

“Good. Besides...if I was...if I was single. Sure as fuck wouldn’t want to fuck you.....jabby.”

Lip frowns, “How do you know about that?”

“Oh, me and Tami....we talk. Gotta complain about you Gallaghers.”

“Jesus Christ. You two are friends now?”

“Yeah.” Mickey laughs. “Guess so.”

“Jabby!” Ian shouts gleefully, running slightly behind in the conversation, but with the confidence of someone who knows exactly what ‘jabby’ refers to.

“And you told him? Great.”

“Course I did, it was fucking funny.”

“It’s ok.” Ian pats Lip on the shoulder, trying to be reassuring. “I’m sure you’ll get better with practice.” Mickey lets out what Lip can only describe as a cackle.

“Jesus Christ, that was one time and it was a one off.” They are finally, finally, at the elevators and he practically punches the up button. He’s hasn’t been here before but he remembers Ian saying their apartment was on the second floor, so he trusts that’s right.

“In you go.” He herds them into the elevator and presses the ‘2’ button. And once again, they are on each other, furiously kissing. Lip thinks the elevator is moving much to slowly. He hits the ‘2’ button again. Mercifully, the elevator doors soon open on the second floor. But neither Mickey or Ian has noticed and Lip grabs Ian by the back of his coat and pulls him out, Mickey stumbling after him.

“Hey, hands off.” Mickey grabs for Ian, who Lip is dragging behind him as he purposefully strides down the corridor. He has to get them inside, he can’t take much more of this.

“He’s stealing me, Mickey!” Ian laughs, “Help! Help!” His voice echoes much too loudly around the corridor.

“I’ll...save you!” Mickey manages to spit out between laughs, almost doubling over.

“You can have him back when we get to your place? Ok.” Lip turns and looks over his shoulder. “Just come on Mickey, follow us.”

A door they are passing suddenly swings open, and a very annoyed older lady is standing there, cell phone in hand. “Everything alright? I heard someone say they needed help?”

“No, no. Everything’s fine.” Lip smiles, trying to look respectable. Which is hard because Ian and Mickey are giggling, red-faced and stumbling about. “They....they’ve just had a bit too much to drink and I’m helping them get home.”

“It’s our wedding anniversary!” Ian yells, throwing his arms in the air.

The woman looks distinctly unimpressed. “That’s very nice. But it’s late, you know. You can’t go around shouting for help if you don’t need it. Especially at this time of night!”

“Listen lady, if my husband-”

Lip interrupts before Mickey can finish whatever threat he’s about to make, “They know, and they’re very sorry. And I’m gonna make sure they are quiet right now.” He grabs Ian’s hand and then Mickey’s and uses all his strength to get them to start walking, as the woman shuts her door with one more disapproving glare. “Come on. Home. Now. Please.”

They get to the door of the apartment Lip thought they would never reach. “Keys?”

Ian frowns, as if this question is a difficult math problem on a test he didn’t study for. “Uh.” He slaps one hand to his chest, then the other and then begins to rummage around in his jacket pockets. “Uh. Hmmm....”

Mickey isn’t much help either. “Maybe....here?” He says, grabbing Ian’s crotch, which causes Ian to smile and giggle and get distracted.

“Come on, Ian. Where are the keys?”

“Oh. Yeah. Keys.” He eventually produces a set from his jacket which has far too many pockets for Lip’s liking or for his tolerance at this time in this never ending evening. “Keys!”

“Good. Great.” Lip snatches them, opens the door, and shoves them, gently - it is their anniversary after all, no matter how fucking annoying they are being - through the door, slamming it shut behind him as he follows them in. He lets out a deep breath, it felt like they would never get here.

The apartment is nice, new, modern. The kind of place he never would have imagined them living in. In fact, even though it’s not furnished properly yet, Lip can see it’s a really nice place. And he’s pleased, he wants them, especially Ian, to live somewhere good like this. They deserve it.

They’re standing in the middle of the empty living room, holding one another, swaying slightly. Ian’s hands move down Mickey’s back to rest on his ass. Better get out of here, Lip thinks to himself.

“You guys need to drink some water.” He starts to rummage around the pristine kitchen until he finds two glasses that he recognises from home...or rather, what’s no longer home, not really - the Gallagher house. There’s only two glasses, clearly they haven’t been shopping yet, he fills them both with water.

“Alright, lovebirds, drink up!” Lip holds the glasses out, but neither of them move. They’re just staring at one another, silently, with small smiles on their faces. “Not gonna leave till you have some water.”

They both put one arm out at the same time, because of course they do. Lip hands them their water and waits until they’ve both drunk their whole glasses.

Satisfied that he’s done everything he can, he makes a move to leave. “I’m going. Enjoy the rest of your anniversary.”

Ian is caressing Mickey’s face with one hand, the other barely holding the glass which is dangling at his side. “Thanks, Lip. Love you bro.”

“Love you too, asshole.” He turns to leave, but fuck it....Mickey is his brother-in-law, and even though he’s a real pain in the ass, he makes Ian happy and that’s the most important thing, and also they’re probably too drunk to remember what he’s going to say.... “And you too, Mick.”

“Gross. Stop fucking fantasising about me, Philip.” Mickey grumbles, never taking his eyes of Ian.

Lip laughs, and let’s himself out, shutting the door behind him with a soft click.

#gallavich #ian gallagher #mickey milkovich #shameless #gallavich fic #ficlet #as always feel free to continue this or add to it!!

187 notes · View notes

suchagallabitch · 2 years

Text

all eyes on you, my magician

Carl gets a magic kit. Ian somehow ends up with it when and is definitely not great at tricks.

based on the word prompt: magic by @sunoficarus

read on ao3! or undercut

Magic

/ˈmajik/ noun

the power of apparently influencing the course of events by using mysterious or supernatural forces.

Carl had picked up the weird habit of taking up obscure hobbies and interests. When he was younger he liked to blow torch things, trying to melt all his toys together. As a teenager his obsession became girls and well, still blowing shit up. But now as an adult he found himself getting bored easily. He had been striking out in the love department recently and deciding that he was fine being single for a while. This unfortunately left a void of boredom in Carl’s life.

Sure he had a job. Well kinda two he thought, he started working for Arthur at the Alibi since he recently bought it. He was also still a cop. His days were full to the brim but it was the nights that left Carl so bored. There was nothing to do other than watch fail compilations on Youtube and then rotated over to watch pranks on Tiktok till his brain gave out and thoughts were numb. He couldn’t even put his attention into his place. The basement he claimed as his own was also done getting remodelled. That was in large part because of Lip who fully helped flip the disgusting basement in hopes of selling. That never ended up happening but Carl got a pretty sick bachelor pad out of it so that was successful for him.

In his boredom he picked up random skills. Ping pong, solving rubix cubes (which he never could figure out), even picked up knitting for a hot second like Lip and Debbie did. He really wasn’t a fan of the needles constantly poking at his fingers. Carl thought he was never going to find something to keep him from being bored. That was until one day when he accidentally couldn’t skip a Youtube ad. His hands were covered in Doritos dust and the touch screen was failing him. The ad was for an all inclusive magic kit. It piqued Carl’s interest enough that he bought in. Three hundred dollars later Carl found himself with his very own beginners magic kit. He wasn’t half bad at it either, taught himself a bunch of cool tricks.

He eagerly shared this with his family the next time they had their weekly dinner.

“Ain’t you a bit old for magic?” Mickey raised an eyebrow.

“Shut up douchebag, I’m focusing here” Carl stood at the edge of the table. In one quick motion he pulled the tablecloth from under all their plates and glasses to actual success.

“Okay that was kinda impressive” Lip nodded nonchalantly, a few people from across the table nodded in agreement. Franny was definitely impressed.

“Woah Uncle Carl is magic?” Her little mouth hung open, mind blown.

Carl sported a cocky smile, walking over to his niece. “Sure am Fran, guess what else I can do?”

“What? What?” Her legs were drawn under her in her seat, she bounced up in pure excitement.

Carl stood to the side of her, leaning down to touch her ear. “Look what you had hiding in there” he pulled his hand away from the side of her face revealing a quarter pinched between his thumb and index finger.

Her eyes doubled in size, mouth once again dropping open. “What? How?!” Her little hand reached out to grab the quarter, staring at it like it was the most valuable thing she had ever seen.

“A magician never tells his tricks” Carl smirked, ruffling Franny’s hair. “Don’t spend it all in one place” he gave her an over-dramatic wink she didn’t seem to catch. She was too busy admiring the quarter in her grasp, hand kept reaching up caress her ear, in shock that the money had come from her.

“Was that really in my ear?” She looked up at her uncle who gave her a little nod.

“Yup, that’s why you gotta wash them everyday”

That comment was met by immediate eyerolls, booing, some heckling. Mickey even managed to sneak in a snarky comment. “Fuckin cop advice right there”

“Like you’ve ever showered without someone forcing you” Debbie rolled her eyes, attention then drawn to Franny sitting directly in front of her. “Sweetie don’t listen to anything Carl says, he doesn’t know anything” she stuck her tongue out for comedic effect as that usually got a chuckle out of Franny however that night she remained stunned.

“Uncle Carl, if you’re magic, can you make us all a bunch of money so we don’t have to worry about selling the house?” her blue eyes searched Carl’s, pleadingly.

A few adults around the table grimaced, except for Sandy who smirked into her bottle -she could feel the conflict rising and was always game for dinner and a show-. The rest of the -somewhat- well adjusted adults felt bad for the kid so young and already sucked into the Gallagher problems. They supposed that just meant they somehow all had the same childhood. Liam however shrugged the comment off, pushing some vegetables around his plate.

“Well Magic isn’t real, it's all science you know Franny” Liam spoke up. “If you want I can teach you about physics and how-” the entire table groaned, knowing they were about to sit through another Liam lecture.

They did. The entirety of dinner was spent listening to Liam explain all the different concepts he had learned from his favourite science show. The poor kid didn’t have anyone else to talk to about his nerdy interest so his older siblings entertained the conversation, trying to change the subject every few minutes just to have the physic talk be brought back up by Lip, the only one who enjoyed Liam’s laments, getting a round of groans all over again.

That seemed to be the common theme any time Carl learned a new trick. He’d perform it and get semi-amused reactions from his family before they all tried to figure out how he did it. “It can’t be that hard if Carl can do it” Sandy chimed in before tearing apart another one of his acts. Eventually the patronising break-downs of the tricks he tried so hard to learn got to him.

Annoyed with his family and quickly becoming bored of the whole magic thing, Carl had retired from the magic act. He decided he wanted to take up throwing stars which seemed like a much worse plan but he managed to buy them, and a Katana because he found a deal before the family could intervene.

He was done with magic ready to discard the case when Ian was quick to ask for it.

“Why the fuck is Carl’s dumn magic thing in our living room?” Mickey raised an eyebrow at the large striped box.

“What? I wanted was the handcuffs” he fished around the box, pushing all the items to the side once he saw what he was looking for. He pulled out the leather handcuffs showing them off to his husband who gave a slightly reluctant to be playing into this but overall accepting nod.

“Plus don’t you think the magic stuff is kinda cool?” Ian’s eyes followed Mickey’s movement as he went behind him, sitting on the couch.

“Uh no”

“Why not?”

Mickey gave a scoff, having to restrain himself from laughing. Ian sitting cross legged on the floor digging through the trunk. He looked entertained and Mickey didn’t have the energy to squash the kindly interest Ian was fostering.

“I dunno just was never into it, always thought it was dumb”

Ian shook his head at that, eyes lighting up once he found what he was searching for. He pulled out a case of playing cards, shaking them from their box, throwing the cardboard somewhere off to the side. “Look its kinda cool I’ll show you”

Ian’s tongue rested against his bottom lip in concentration as he shuffled the cards. When he was done he swerved around, facing Mickey, stationed behind him on the couch.

“Pick a card, any card” He had that stupid excited goofy smile Mickey loved so much. He rolled his eyes with affection pointing to a random card in the deck.

“Uh that one” he pointed to a fourth of spades.

“Okay, grab it,” Ian instructed. Mickey of course obeyed taking his card and placing it face down on his lap.

Ian reshuffled the deck, picking one from the dead centre. “Is your card a sixth of heart?”

Mickey blinked back at his husband. “Uh, no”

“Wait really?” Ian had dropped the deck down to his lap, face faltering.

“Yeah man, that ain’t it” he held his card up, placing it in front of his husband’s confused expression.

“Fuck!” Ian’s face contorted in confusion. “I for sure thought I had that trick down” he looked down at the cards like they had personally betrayed him. “Gimme your card back I wanna try again”

Mickey gave a little chuckle, handing the card back, watching as Ian shuffled them again. A determined look overcame his expression. “Okay pick again” he held them up once more.

Mickey picked again. An Ace spade this time.

“Is this your card?” Ian held up a queen of hearts.

Mickey’s eyebrows reached the top of his forehead. “Yeah it is, actually”

“Fuck yes!” He dropped all the cards on the floor, hands reaching up in the air out of sheer victory. “Wait, are you fucking with me?” He accused, hands returning to his side.

Mickey gave a full blown chuckle. “Yup”

“We’re doing this till I get it right” Ian challenged, hands reaching across the floor to collect the deck back up.

“Uh-huh” Mickey agreed, back hitting the sofa behind him. He figured he better get comfortable, he was probably going to be there for a while.

His husband was an idiot that he had the pleasure of loving deeply.

Even if Ian didn’t manage to get the trick right, those handcuffs from the case definitely helped to create some magic.

#☀️🕊#vicks thats your emojification idk why either ok #gallavich #gallavich fanfic #ian and mickey #shameless us #gallavich oneshot #gallavichedit #ian x mickey #ian gallagher #mickey milkovich #elle writes

15 notes · View notes

maryshinonome · 3 years

Text

My opinion about Manga Artists

I already wrote my opinion about my favorite manga artists on my Twitter (mary_shinonome_) and now I decided to write it on my blog. And a little later I will try to supplement this list.

Warning: Everything that I will say it’s only my opinion. You also can join to this discussion and say your opinion about your favorite via reblogging.

Inio Asano

I have great respect and admiration for Asano-san and his works. My meeting with his works happened by chance, but I immediately drew attention to his drawing style, which reminded me of pictures from children's books. But Asano's "children's books"are not intended for children or even for adults, but for people with a mature mind who are able to understand what is happening. From his works I read about teenagers, their daily life and experiences, and I think that some people will find themselves in them.

Hiroya Oku

My feelings for Oku-san are like Love/Hate. I like his drawing style, which can express all the emotions of characters and I like that he isn’t embarrass about describing all the violence and blood in details. Also I like how he starts story in his works, but then something happens that usually annoys me. The plot begins and gradually begins to drag on. I’m not a person who really like action, because plot, characters and their development are important things for me and when I read «Gantz» I was annoyed when in many chapters of 20 pages only battle scenes were described. And I also was very disappointed with his latest work "Giant". But despite this, Oku-san is still one of my favorite manga artists.

Hajime Isayama

Maybe someone will disagree with me, but I really like Isayama-san. After the end of “Attack on Titans”, many became disillusioned with him and awarded him the title of the main enemy of the fans. Perhaps the ending was not ideal (but as for me, this is the correct ending of the story for which you feel neither joy nor sadness) but this did not change my opinion about all of his work in general. “Attack on Titans” is considered one of the most exciting and thoughtful works in the world of manga. And the most important thing is how Isayama-san revealed in his work the problems that exist in our world and in our time. And he is also a genius troll who knows how to play on the feelings of readers (and it seems funny to me). Therefore, I will look forward to his new works.

Junji Ito

I admire Ito-san, and even more admire his stories and drawing style. As with Inio Asano, his drawing style is unique. His style reminds me of old American comics or old horror movie posters, and it’s not so similar to that of classic Japanese manga. Perhaps this is one of the reasons why his work attracts many people around the world. But also many are attracted by the way he presents all the horror and mysticism in the plots of his works. A person who is just starting to read his works, perhaps the first thing he will experience will be disgust (it also depends on which work you started with), but over time, when you read more, you begin to feel more imbued with this chilling atmosphere. And you start looking for true meaning and morality in them. But I can only say one thing, you will not be able to read his works in one day, because sometimes it has a heavy effect on your brain, and you will feel mentally tired (At least that's how it was with me).

116 notes · View notes

strawberrynamjoon · 5 years

Text

awkwardly in love

– pairing: jeongguk & reader

– genre: college, childhood friends, best friends to lovers, fluff, humor

– word count: 20k

– summary: even if everything changed, yours and jeongguk’s friendship would always stay the same - at least you thought so. but jokes on you, cupid had other plans for the two of you, making you reconsider everything you thought you knew about your best friend of twelve years.

Disclaimer: This fic is not proof read because I was way too lazy. You’ll most likely find a few mistakes here and there, I am sorry!

When you thought of Jeongguk you felt a lot of different feeling – the first one coming to your mind was pride. Honestly, how couldn’t you proud of your friendship that has lasted for such a long time? After growing up your friendship wasn’t as close as it used to be back then, when you were still in the same class, sitting next to each other for eight hours straight every single day but you still were trying to meet whenever your schedules would allow it - Jeongguk was your top priority and you were his.

By now, there were other people both of you talked to more often though – while he’d spend his daily life with friends like Jimin and Taehyung now, you did the same with your new won friends like Namjoon. It was only a natural process, considering the fact that you were majoring in different subjects, not sharing any classes anymore. But still, you luckily managed to maintain your special friendship that, no matter how close you were with other people, no one else could ever have. And if that wasn’t something to make you proud than you wouldn’t know what could.

Another emotion was nostalgia. Both of you had come a long way, from two children playing with mud in the backyard to two young adults, about to start their own life. The little kids that seemed to be so different back then but deep down were as similar as could be were now growing up, clinging to each other because they were afraid of what was about to come.

You’d scoff every time you thought back to those simple days, knowing exactly how cliche it sounded when you said that things were way easier back then. But they truly were. You had nothing other to worry about than your meaningless crushes or convincing your parents to let you stay out longer than usual. Nevertheless, it was nice to think that your friendship would always savor a bit of that innocent naiveness you used to have.

Like said before, you felt a thousand different emotions when thinking of Jeongguk but not a single bad one. Well, at least until now.

“What do you mean?” you asked Jimin, who was looking at you in surprise when you stood in front of the door to his, Taehyung’s and Jeongguk’s shared dorm, “He’s where exactly?”

Panic was written over Jimin’s face, not wanting to be involved, “He left an hour ago, meeting up with a girl from tinder.”

You knew this was not Jimin’s fault and you didn’t want him to feel conflicted so you simply clenched your jaw while taking a deep breath, “This goddamn jerk.”

The blonde, and also very cute guy let out a chuckle, his head nodding in agreement, “Couldn’t have said it better. Do you want to come in and wait for him?”

Thinking about it for a second, you sighed, “How long does it usually take for him to get back?”

“You’re asking me about his stamina?” Jimin seemed amused, taking a step to the side so you could enter their dorm, “He’ll be back soon, I promise.”

Laughing, you walked inside and took off your jacket. Looking around, the living room was just as messy as Jeongguk’s room at home used to be – some things never seem to change.

“Do you want tea? A cup of coffee?” your best friend’s roommate offered, already standing in the open kitchen space, looking for a clean mug before turning around to you, raising his eyebrows, “I have some vodka too if you’d prefer that.”

“Don’t worry about me, it’s Jeongguk who should be worried,” you shrugged as you let yourself fall down on the big couch, feeling bitter.

“Don’t be too harsh on him,” Jimin replied with a chuckle while making you a coffee even though you told him he didn’t have to, “His hormones are going crazy at the moment.”

Scoffing, you shook your head in disbelief, “I thought this phase was over.”

You got your phone out, wondering if Jeongguk maybe texted you but there was nothing – so you called him.

Without having to wait long, he rejected your call.

“Oh no, you did not,” you mumbled under your breath, dialing his number again, making Jimin let out a laugh as he sat down on the couch beside you.

And once again, he rejected it.

“Let me try it,” Jimin proposed, as he called him and much to your surprise, he picked up.

“What is it?” Jeongguk asked on the other line of the phone, out of breath and sounding beyond annoyed, “Why is everyone calling me?”

Jimin laughed, “You sure sound like you’re having fun.”

“I’m trying to,” he answered and you could picture his stupid grin just by hearing the tone of his voice, “But I keep getting distracted.”

“You little piece of shit,” you took Jimin’s phone in your hand, “I didn’t deal with your stupid ass for twelve years just for this.”

First, there were a few seconds of silence, a clearly confused Jeongguk thinking hard about who that voice belonged to and why he was being screamed at.

“(Y/n)?” he asked unsure, “Why are you with Jimin? When did this happen? Are you on a date?”

“Nothing happened,” you immediately shut him down, “Except for you standing me up.”

“Oh god, shit,” was all you heard, “I completely forgot. I’ll be home in an hour or so. You can stay or I’ll come over to yours later. Whatever you prefer.”

Before you could think about what to do he interrupted your thoughts, “I am so sorry, I truly am.”

“It’s okay, I’ll keep her company until you come back,” Jimin interrupted your light discussion, “But you better hurry, I know you get jealous when we spend to much time with her.”

“That’s not true,” your best friend insisted, “No one of you could ever replace me anyway, even if you married her I would still be her number one.”

“Now you’re just overconfident,” you nagged him, “Jimin already told me your stamina isn’t the best so just hurry up and come home.”

And with that, before he could say anything else, you hung up, Jimin’s eyes growing wide, “He’ll kill me.”

Laughing, you shook your head, “Won’t let him, don’t worry. The only head that will roll today is his.”

It took Jeongguk exactly 56 minutes to come back and, judging by the sweat on his forehead, he either ran his way back or he had a wild night. And by god, you hoped it was the first one.

Obviously, you were aware that Jeongguk was in college and that he definitely wasn’t living a prude life, neither did you, however, your sex life was about the only topic you two barely talked about.

Jogging over to the couch a moment later, your sweaty best friend embraced you in a bear hug, his arms wrapped around your neck, pushing your face onto his chest.

“I’m sorry,” he apologized, ruffling your hair, “It’ll never happen again.”

“It better won’t,” you had fight yourself out of his grip to be able to breathe, disgusted by the thought of his sweat on you, “You’re lucky Jimin was here to keep me company. “

He gave Jimin, who was just about to go to his room, a thankful smile, “Thank you, I owe you one.”

“You’re good, don’t worry about it,” Jimin almost scoffed, “Much fun, you two lovebirds.”

Rolling your eyes at his comment, you diverted your attention to Jeongguk, “Had a good time at least?”

His ears turned red in an instant, even though he wasn’t the young wallflower he used to be anymore there still was a shy side to him, “I would’ve had more fun spending the last hour with you if I am honest.”

Chuckling, you grabbed the remote next to him, ready to search for a movie to watch, “I didn’t know you’re such a playboy. Jimin told me things I certainly didn’t want to know. You better use protection, I am not ready to become an aunt yet, Guk.”

He gave you a death glare, “Don’t jinx anything, (y/n).”

Jeongguk got up to close the blinds even though it was dark outside already, making his way to the small kitchen that was part of the living room, looking into a fridge that had nothing more than an unreasonable amount of beer and one lonely bottle of milk stored inside, “How hungry are you?”

Glancing over to him, you let out a scoff, “God, I’ll force you all to go grocery shopping with me tomorrow. How are you surviving in this household?”

He laughed, shrugging his shoulders lightly, “Solely on beer as you can see.”

Walking back over to you he held two cans of beer in his hand, handing you one as he let himself fall down on the couch right beside you. It was completely dark, the TV being the only source of light in the whole room.

You loved nights like these, only you and Jeongguk watching movies, eating, talking about anything coming to your mind - it was easy being his friend, it always has been.

After all those years you spent together you were sure no one knew him like you did. And it was a fact that he also knew you better than any other soul walking on this earth.

While you were deciding on what to watch, your friend was on his phone about to order some pizza for the two of you.

You were sitting with your legs crossed on the middle of the couch, Jeongguk right beside you, in a weird position somewhere between lying down and sitting, his upper body was straight, his back resting lightly against your shoulder as his legs were spread out on the couch.

“Here, it’s kinda cold,” he threw you a blanket that was lying around, not paying much attention to you as he was still looking for what food to order, mumbling, “But cover me too, don’t use it all for yourself.”

Covering both of you under the blanket, just as he instructed you to, you felt way more comfortable immediately, excited to finally spend some time with your best friend again. He still used the same cologne he always did, ever since middle school, the scent bringing you back to your teenage years every single time.

He let out a small giggle when he heard your stomach growl, “Don’t worry, food is on its way.”

“Thank god, I’m starving,” you confessed, not even being able to remember what you had for breakfast today.

“It’s not like that, by the way,” Jeongguk’s voice was quiet and your mind was trying to figure out what exactly wasn’t like what. You threw him a questioning glance, letting him know you had no idea what he meant.

“Whatever Jimin said, I’m not a playboy or anything like that,” he bit his lip nervously, making you chuckle immediately - it was almost cute to see him like that, “I just want a girlfriend.”

Wherever the sudden urge came from, Jeongguk clearly wanted to talk to you about his feelings, not knowing where to start.

It’s a rather rare experience to hear him talk about them, usually, he’s the bubbly and funny boy from next door everyone loves, no one ever saw him in a bad or thoughtful mood except for the ones closest to him.

“As if thousands of girls aren’t lining up, all waiting for their turn to impress the Jeon Jeongguk,” you playfully rolled your eyes, making him exhale a breathy laugh, “I know at least three or four girls who’d be down to make you the happiest man alive.”

Sometimes you wondered if Jeongguk wasn’t aware of his good looks - even you, as his best friend, would lie if you said you didn’t check him out before. It was still a miracle to you how the small, shy boy grew up into such a handsome young man, who not only had muscles and a flawless face but also a fitting, loving personality too.

“You know yourself that I tried dating but I’m not very good at it,” he confessed, a pout forming on his lip.

His head was resting on your shoulder, the frustrated sigh coming from him amusing you - not that you wanted to make fun of him, it was just funny to see how he goes from a confident guy to a shy baby, “You’re good at everything you try.”

Laughing, he glanced up at you from his position, “Thanks for the ego boost.”

“Not like you need it,” you nagged him, scrunching your nose, “just don’t rush yourself, Guk.”

“What about you, though?” he suddenly changed the topic, sitting back up to look at you better, “How’s your dating life going?”

Furrowing your eyebrows, you shrugged, “It’s as uninteresting as ever.”

“Nothing going on between you and Namjoon?” he playfully pinched your cheek, as if he could ever get any information out of you by acting cute, “I swear, he was flirting with you at your birthday party.”

“Never,” you gave him a death glare, not believing he brought Namjoon up again, “Even the chances of you and me falling in love are bigger than me and Namjoon ending up together.”

“You say this as if it would be super weird for us to be dating,” Jeongguk squinted his eyes at you, a bit offended by how fast you opposed to the idea.

“We have been best friends for twelve years,” you countered, giving him a questioning glance, “If anything was supposed to happen between us, it would’ve had by now, don’t you think?”

“I agree but everyone always thinks we’re into each other anyway, so what I tried to say was that the possibility of us being a good couple probably isn’t as little as we’d think.”

Both of you had no idea why you suddenly were trying to find out how high the possibilites of you to being a strong were couple but here you were, weighing the pros and cons of a hypothetical relationship.

Giving it a short thought, he kind of had a point. You never ever before thought about what it would be like to date Jeongguk for you - of course not, there were clear lines between the two of you, no one ever even dared to think about crossing them.

After all the years you spent together, Jeongguk was never anything else than a friend towards you, not even a single thought crossing your mind what kind of boyfriend he’d be.

“I see what you’re saying,” you admitted, deep in thoughts, “I guess it’s because we’ve been friends for so long, we already know everything about each other.”

“Exactly,” Jeongguk agreed with you once again, “We’re just so comfortable around each other and know how to deal with the other person. It’s not like I’m saying we should date but from a logical point of view, it could work. Technically.”

“In theory, yes,” you nodded, “but the possibility of me killing you because you chew way too loud is just too high for it to work out.”

He let out a laugh, shaking his head in disbelief, “You have very weird standards.”

You gave your best friend a warm smile, a sudden rush of appreciation coming over you, “It’s nice having you in my life, Guk.”

Immediately, he threw the same warm smile back at you, always appreciating such heartfelt moments between you even though they didn’t come around often - you obviously didn’t have to tell each other how much you cherished your friendship, the many years at each other’s side speaking for themselves, “I know, I know. Your life would be pretty boring without me.”

“Way to ruin such a pure moment,” rolling your eyes, you let out a laugh, flicking his forehead lightly, “I take it back, you’re an absolute shithead.”

Pouting, he rubbed the spot where you flicked him, “You’re so aggressive, I don’t want to date you anymore.”

Something about Jeongguk joking about you and him as more than friends made you feel excited and you instantly tried to get rid of the thought, not wanting to get caught up in such a stupid idea, especially not if that idea involves Guk.

But deep inside, you couldn’t help but waste a few more thoughts about what it actually would be like to date your best friend, feeling immediate heat rushing to your cheeks for having such inappropriate thoughts.

“Well, good for you because that would literally never happen,” you shook your head, hoping he would stop with that nonsense.

Almost as if he knew what effect it had on you, he grinned amused, “I bet you’re thinking about it right now.”

“Just be quiet and watch a movie with me,” you begged him, obviously not wanting to continue this conversation but still feeling like you should comfort him, after all, he tried to talk about his feelings with you a few minutes ago, “Your lonely ass will find a girlfriend, don’t worry about it.”

“Will she be able to down a whole bottle of wine within fifteen minutes though?” he asked amused, referring to the many nights the two of you shared with several bottles of wine, getting drunk secretly in the back of your garden. Luckily by now, you didn’t have to do it in secret anymore, many nights ending with more emptied bottles on the tables than you’d like to admit, “If not, she’s not worth my time and attention.”

“I doubt anyone can keep up with our alcoholic asses,” you laughed, “It took years of training and acting sober in front of our parents to get to this level.”

Jeongguk joined your laughter, nodding in agreement, “I’m pretty sure they knew we were drunk of our asses each and every time.”

“What do you mean?” you asked sarcastically, “There’s no way your mother figured it out when we called her at three in the morning, asking her to pick us up because we didn’t know where we were and we both lost our shoes.”

Jeongguk burst out into laughter one more time at the cherished memory he almost forgot, “I remember her asking me if there is something I recognize around us so she could figure out where we are and I told her the moon.”

Facepalming yourself slightly, a few giggles escaped your mouth, “God, we were so young. And sloppy.”

Your friend's arm wrapped around your shoulder, pulling you into a side hug, “And basically glued to each other by our hips.”

Chuckling, you leaned into his hug, your head lazily resting on your best friend's chest, “No wonder our parents used to think we were in love, judging by the time we spent together.”

“I’m pretty sure they still believe that,” Jeongguk let out a sigh, “My mother still calls you her daughter-in-law whenever she talks about you.”

It was the same for you - in your parents' eyes, you were destined to marry the boy from next door ever since they first met him. Primarily because your parents got along so well, they always romanticized the idea of their children making them become an actual family but looking back at it now, you understood why they always wanted you to become a couple - it would be a good love story after all.

Back then the two of you hated how often you got told that you would make a cute couple. By now the two of you kind of grew used to the speculations around you, not paying attention to them anymore.

“My parents still thought we were in love even when I dated Lucas,” you shook your head in disbelief.

Immediately, Jeongguk made a vomiting noise beside you, acting as if he was about to throw up, “No mention of this name in my flat.”

Laughing at his dramatic acting, you playfully boxed his side, “He wasn’t that bad, you just never gave him a chance.”

Scoffing, he acted offended, “You started walking to school with him instead of me. That was enough for me to resent him.”

You sat up, crossing your arms in front of your chest, “I can’t believe you still won’t let this go, I apologized a thousand times.”

Breaking his act immediately, his arms were pulling you into the same side hug again as before, “I’m kidding, I could never be mad at you.”

Before he could say anything else, your playful conversation was interrupted by the doorbell, Jeongguk immediately jumping up from the couch to get your food. You never were more thankful for someone interrupting your movie nights, finally having time to gather your thoughts.

The two of you never flirted, at least you wouldn’t consider your playful conversations flirting - everyone around you certainly thought you were flirting but you knew it was very easy to mistake your lighthearted, nagging jokes and platonic casual displays of affection every now and then. You still remember the first times you met Taehyung and Jimin, having to convince them several times that there was no romantic tension between you at all - and honestly, there wasn’t.

Like Jeongguk said earlier, you’re just comfortable around each other because you know the other person like the back of your hand. And just because you were horny college students that sometimes felt a bit flirtatious with each other, nothing would change. You’d always be just friends. Right?

A few moments later, you and Jeongguk were shoveling pizza in your mouth as the intro of the horror movie you decided to watch was on, the first few cans of beer already emptied. He was sitting closer to you than necessary, but you knew that Jeongguk’s concept of personal space was almost nonexistent.

“Put your goddamn phone on silent,” he whispered warningly with his eyes glued to the screen as he heard it vibrate, “Tell Namjoon that it’s my turn to spend time with you.”

You chuckled at Jeongguk’s comment, it wasn’t a big secret that he hated being disturbed while watching a movie, especially not if it was Namjoon. He liked Namjoon a lot, when you first introduced the two each other he told you over and over again that he was way too cool for you but he hated that Namjoon always disturbed you whenever you were having movie nights.

To him, movie nights were his only chance to escape the college life full of exams, stress and due dates for at least a few hours and in those few hours he wanted nothing to burst his bubble, not even a vibrating phone.

Checking your phone, you chuckled when you indeed saw Namjoon’s name on your phone. The unsatisfied glimpse from Jeongguk not going unnoticed, you decided to just put your phone on silent mode, knowing Namjoon wouldn’t mind waiting for an answer.

Halfway through the movie, you were interrupted once again by a bright light from the corridor blinding you as the door to the dorm opened.

Taehyung kicked it open, not able to use his hands like normal people would because they were currently busy, one grabbing the girl on his lips by her waist, pressing her closer than she already was, the other one vanishing in her hair, both not noticing, or maybe just not caring, that you were sitting on the couch just a few meters away.

You knew that Taehyung was doing this ever so often, rumors spread fast in your college, but it still was a weird concept to you - you’d like to claim that you knew Taehyung quite well by now, maybe would even consider him a buddy of yours and the boy had a heart out of pure gold, very emotional and clingy, not only when he was drunk. So him bringing home random girls was still something that simply did not fit in the picture you had of him but then, on the other hand, who wouldn’t want to be with a man as handsome as him?

Jeongguk and you gave each other an annoyed glance, wondering how often you had to endure this again and again.

Taehyung still didn’t notice you, his one foot trying to get rid of the shoe on the other foot, not even thinking about breaking his kiss for a second. The girl was giggling into the kiss as his hand wandered under her shirt, his fingertips tracing her sides.

Jeongguk paused the movie and cleared his throat, making Taehyung finally break free from the kiss, shooting a coy smile towards where you were sitting, “Hey there, how was your date?

The girl you’ve never seen before still clung to his side without even greeting you, placing kisses all over his neck while Taehyung was talking to the two of you.

“It was alright,” Jeongguk said, shrugging, “Nothing special.”

His best friend let out a knowing chuckle, “You always end up on the couch with (y/n) after your failed dates. Call me crazy but maybe it’s fate.”

“Maybe it’s called being friends with someone regardless of the gender,” Jeongguk insisted, shaking his head, “You should try it.”

“As you can see, I’m doing just fine,” he shrugged, pressing his lips back to the girl in front of him, his hands holding her face as he mumbled between their kisses, “Let’s go to my room.”

And with that, the two of them were gone, leaving Jeongguk with nothing more than a scoff, “I’m in need of a new roommate if he keeps on bringing home random girls. They always eat my cereal.”

“If you’re ever out of cereal, remember my dorm is only five minutes away and you’re always welcome.”

“Oh, you shouldn’t have said that,” he warned you, “I’ll be in front of your dorm every single morning from now on. Irene will hate you because of me. And you’ll be super annoyed too, but I couldn't care less.”

He wasn’t wrong, even though Irene liked Jeongguk she hated nothing more than talking to anyone early in the mornings, you were the only exception and if you were honest, that was only because she couldn’t kick you out of your dorm, even if she wanted to. What he was wrong about though was the part of you being annoyed - you missed seeing him every single morning, sure you could never be annoyed by his company.

“If you don’t remember, we ate cereal together every single morning before going to school for years,” once again, your trip to memory lane brought excitement to Jeongguk’s eyes, making them sparkle, “And I was never annoyed of you, ever.”

Scrunching his nose in a cute way, he nodded his head, “I bet you were annoyed when I was falling for Leah, you hated her so much and my dumbass couldn’t stop talking about her.”

You raised your eyebrows as the long lost memory came back to your mind, “Yeah, you’re right, I take it back. That was truly annoying. You were so smitten, I wanted to puke.”

Jeongguk repositioned himself, resting his head on your lap with his legs resting on the armrest of their couch, the two dark brown eyes glancing up at your face - you were sure that was the most unflattering position he could look at you from but since it was only Jeongguk you didn’t really care.

A teasing smirk formed on his lips, “Maybe I should hit her up again, who knows what could happen.”

Even though you knew he was only saying this to piss you off, you couldn't help but fall for it, immediately giving him a death glare, “Go, eat cereals at her every morning then if you like her so much.”

Turning on the movie again, Jeongguk’s repositioned himself, his head resting in your lap, “I wouldn’t want to eat cereal with anyone else but you, (y/n).”

Your hand played with his hair, the casual affection making Jeongguk smile, “I sure hope so, I get jealous very easily.”

“I know,” he replied, his eyes glued to the screen, “But you’ll always be my favorite.”

Just as you were about to pull your hair out of your scalp, the frustration growing unbearable because you simply did not understand the text you were supposed to read for class, no matter how many times you started to read a sentence, you saw your phone lighting up, Jeongguk’s name all over it.

“Hey,” you whispered, standing up and gathering all of your things, taking the call as a sign to just stop for today, “I’m in the library, give me a second.”

As you walked out of the big library in the middle of the campus, you were shocked to see that the sun already began to set, embarrassed by how little you managed to learn in such a long amount of time. It was a nice view, the golden hour making the whole campus glow.

“What’s up, Guk?” you asked your best friend, happy to hear his voice. Ever since your movie night last weekend you didn’t manage to talk to him at all, too much on both of your schedules to even text each other.

“I miss you,” his voice sounded whiny on the other side of the line, “What are you doing tonight?”

“Haven’t planned anything,” you admitted, your eyes still glued to the beautiful summer sky, “I thought about going to Namjoon’s to learn a bit more but my head might explode if I open those books one more time.”

“Come to the fair with us,” your best friend proposed, not giving you time to say no because he knew it’d take a bit of convincing to make you go out even though exams are coming closer, “I’ll buy you food. And drinks. And I’ll even accompany you to your next family meeting even though your family is crazy.”

At the last promise, you snorted, knowing that Jeongguk tried to avoid your family as much as possible, “You’d go through such a traumatic experience just so I’ll come to the fair with you. Sounds fishy.”

“Not fishy at all, I am just worried that you’ll drown in your study books if you don’t take a break soon,” he informed you, “You look cute. Let’s go.”

Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion, “What do you mean I look cute? Where are you?”

Before he answered you felt an arm wrapping around your shoulder, pulling you closer to the insane man that was your best friend, laughing at how startled you were, “We’re meeting Taehyung and his date in fifteen minutes, we have to hurry up.”

“Taehyung and his what?” you suspiciously asked your best friend, whose arm was still around your shoulder, making it harder for you to walk because you had to adjust to his pace.

Shrugging, Jeongguk you a small smile, “Taehyung and his date. They’re coming too.”

Glancing at him with your eyes squinted, you questioned him, “This sounds like a double date.”

Jeongguk stopped trying to act unsuspiciously, pouting at you, “He begged me to come with him, she didn’t want to meet up all alone with him.”

A long sigh escaped your lips, “And why didn’t you ask someone you’re actually interested in? Why do you have to pull me into this?”

“Hey,” he mumbled a bit offended, “You’re the most interesting person I know.”

You rolled your eyes at him, “You know that’s not what I mean, Guk. You could’ve asked any girl to go on a double date with. It’ll be awkward.”

Stopping, Jeongguk turned to you, making you stop to. The setting sun was a good look for him, making his brown eyes sparkle and his tanned skin glow. His long hair was shiny and you decided that you didn’t hate the idea of him growing out his hair anymore, it did look way better than you imagined it could but you wouldn’t admit it to him.

“He wanted to set me up with her friend but I really wasn’t feeling it, so I said I’ll take you,” he looked into your eyes, now he was the one sighing, “But if you don’t want to go that’s fine, I’ll just meet with them alone.”

Giving him yet another death glare in response to his pouting, you forced a smile on your lips, “I want chocolate-covered strawberries.”

Immediately the pout was replaced by a shining smile, his arm linking with yours as he continued walking, “I’ll get you as many as you want, (y/n).”

“And don’t even try to convince me going on any scary rides, I’m not as crazy as you,” you warningly joked, your best friend wearing his happiest smile making you feel just as happy.

The walk to the fair was nice, the sunset making you feel all warm inside, you and Jeongguk catching up with each other. It reminded you of older days, back then when you’d walk home from school together on a daily. Jeongguk hated growing up just as much as you, the constant stress of university taking its toll on both of you, not even daring to think of working a nine-to-five job in a few years. That was probably one of the reasons why spending time with each other felt therapeutic - because together you could easily go back to the times when things were easy and unproblematic.

The fair was pretty crowded but you still managed to spot Taehyung and his date immediately, both of them waiting for you in front of the big entrance, talking comfortably, already a mulled wine in their hands.

“They look good together,” Jeongguk whispered as the two of you slowly approached them and you agreed with him.

“Not like it matters, Taehyung will probably be into someone else next week,” you shrugged.

“I’m not so sure about that,” Jeongguk said, his arm wrapped around your shoulders once again, making sure he doesn’t lose you in the crowd - you wondered if it was just your imagination or if he truly did initiate more skinship than usually, “He seems pretty smitten whenever he talks about her.”

You raised your eyebrows at him, surprised to hear that, “Taehyung’s in love, huh?”

Before Jeongguk could answer, you were interrupted by Taehyung spotting you, screaming your names like a mad man. Gesturing wildly, he told you to come over to him.

“Jeongguk, (y/n),” he hugged the two of you, “May I introduce Aleena to you?”

Aleena seemed like a sweet girl, way shorter than Taehyung but still just as fashionable as him, they looked like they came fresh out of Paris together. She was a bit overwhelmed with the situation, you could read in her expression that she wasn’t quite sure how to greet you so you decided to hug her, making her feel more comfortable immediately.

The four of you talked a bit before you started to walk around the fair - it wasn’t the biggest you’ve ever been to but it had its charm, the smell of popcorn in the air and the many flashing lights making you look around, appreciating the beauty of the view. Within the first minute on the fair, Jeongguk already decided that it was time to eat, pulling you to a small cabin on the side, Taehyung and Aleena following you.

“Two waffles, please. One with chocolate, the other one with strawberries,” Jeongguk ordered, “Or do you want something different than strawberries?”

You didn’t expect him to actually pay for you but apparently, he was being serious about it, giving him a small nose scrunch, “Strawberries are perfect.”

Handing you your waffle only seconds later, he pinched your cheek, “You’re very easy to please. Your future boyfriend will have it very easy.”

Aleena glanced at you, confusion was written all over her face, “You’re not dating?”

Jeongguk and you let out a laugh, shaking your heads at the same time before he explained it, “No, we’re not dating.”

“Yet,” Taehyung added, “But everyone is rooting for them.”

“And with everyone, he means himself and our other roommate,” Jeongguk mocked Taehyung, playfully hitting the back of his head.

“You’d make a strong couple though,” Aleena grinned as Taehyung agreed with her, happy that they just won another member for their Fanclub.

“I told her too but she didn’t want to hear anything about it,” Jeongguk joked around, remembering you of the conversation you had last weekend, heat immediately rushing to your cheeks again. You really did your best not to think about it over the last week, doing a decent job until now that he mentioned it once again.

His arm was around your shoulder once again, giving you a teasing smile. He really had to stop with the sudden affection, it only made your head spin. The lines between him and you were always clear and you were afraid they’d start to blur if you keep joking around like that.

Luckily, you weren’t the only one confused, judging by Taehyung’s expression, “What do you mean you told her? What did he say, (y/n)?”

Glaring at Jeongguk, he sneakily looked up to the, by now dark, sky, not answering the question for you even though he was aware of how embarrassed you were. You really didn’t want to think of the conversation and now you had to tell his best friend about it in front of him?

“He was just joking around,” you explained to his best friend, making a mental note to kill Jeongguk as soon as you were alone for putting you in such an uncomfortable situation.

“Joking around about what?” Taehyung asked again, wanting to know what happened.

Jeongguk was having way too much fun, taking your hand in his as if it was the most normal thing in the world, putting your linked hands in the pocket of his jeans jacket so you wouldn’t freeze, “Don’t tell him, he’s too nosy.”

Giving up, the four of you were switching to lighter topics, talking to Aleena about her major and how she met Taehyung. You were surprised by how smitten Taehyung seemed to be, a pleasant surprise of course, wondering if he actually liked her for longer than one night.

“Do you want to let go of my hand?” Jeongguk suddenly whispered for only you to hear as Taehyung and Aleena were standing in line a few meters away from you, getting ice cream.

The way he asked felt a bit awkward and you wondered what was going on inside his head, “No, it’s okay. Just unusual for you.”

Nodding, his glance was avoiding yours, looking at the ice cream truck in front of you, “I just thought if we’d hold hands maybe they’d feel a bit more at ease and Taehyung could try holding hers too, you know?”

Playfully, you poked his side, trying to hide the fact that you almost felt a bit hurt in your pride that Jeongguk just held your hand to make it easier for his friend, “You’re pretty good at holding hands.”

Chuckling, he gave you a small wink, “Thank you, I trained hard. You’re not too bad yourself.”

Your playful banter was interrupted by the voice of a girl, calling Jeongguk’s name. The voice was shrill and loud, startling you.

Both of you looked around to the source of the owner of the voice - it belonged to a girl you’ve never seen before. As she came strutting towards you, Jeongguk let go of your hand, an unreadable expression on his face, you didn’t know if he was nervous or unsettled.

He gave her a small smile, his hand playing with the nape of his hair, “Hi, Jennifer.”

Within seconds she hugged him, almost pushing you to the side while doing so. You wondered who she was and why you’ve never heard her name before. After she let go of Jeongguk, she looked you up and down, clearly not intending to even say hello to you. Wow, what a charming girl she was.

With her attention back to Jeongguk, she tugged a strand of hair that was hanging in his face behind his ears, chuckling, “Your hair is way too long, I told you to cut it, baby.”

Almost vomiting at the way she pronounced her nickname for him you felt the strong urge to suddenly defense the hairstyle you hated so much in the beginning yourself. Something about her was rubbing you the wrong way, most likely the fact that she seemed a bit too close to Jeongguk for the fact that he never mentioned her before. She was probably one of those girls Jimin told you about when you talked to him last weekend.

“Never, it’s a good look,” he insisted with a smirk and you could feel the awkward tension, almost feeling as if you were interrupting them. Were you the one third-wheeling right now? If so, it felt unfair to you - you were here with Jeongguk, not this random girl that you already disliked so much. God, where was Taehyung when you needed him?

“Are you coming over again tomorrow?” she asked him with an innocent expression on her face, “I miss you.”

Jeongguk shrugged, not comfortable to talk about this with her in front of you, “I haven’t decided on my Saturday plans yet, we maybe wanted to go to the cinema, right (y/n)?”

No, you never talked about this before. The cinema wasn’t mentioned once.

Before you could say a word, Taehyung was behind the two of you, wrapping one arm around each of you, “Right, we’re going to the cinema tomorrow. Who is that, Jeongguk?”

Never before were you as thankful as you were for Taehyung than right now, glad he noticed the strange atmosphere and decided to interfere.

“I’m Jennifer,” she told your friend unbothered before talking to Jeongguk again, “You can always come around after the cinema. The real fun begins at night.”

You wanted to gag at her being so intrusive, wondering what exactly Jeongguk saw in her. Of course, you’d always support him but she looked like trouble, not only for Jeongguk but also for your friendship. She intimidated you, almost feeling as if she wanted to steal Jeongguk from you - not that she could, no one could ever make come between the two of you but you still would prefer if no one even tried.

You just had a weird feeling about her, something unsettling in your stomach when she talked to him. It made your stomach turn and your ribcage tighten. Jeongguk never made the best decision but something about her bothered you more than the past lovers Jeongguk had.

And right then, it suddenly clicked. Oh god, no. You weren’t jealous, right? No, you couldn’t be.

Shit, maybe you were. And you wanted to blame Jeongguk for it, his stupid flirting and his sly behavior towards you over the last few weeks. And you also wanted to blame yourself, upset with you, knowing that it was absolutely inappropriate to develop a crush on Jeongguk out of all people.

You were just lonely, you told yourself, taking a deep breath, It’ll pass.

“Jennifer?” Taehyung asked Jeongguk, obviously not liking her neither, and it brought you back to reality, “Weird, you never mentioned that name once.”

You almost felt bad for Jeongguk, sitting between chairs. He didn’t want to be rude towards Jennifer but he knew as good as you and Taehyung that she was being a real bitch right now.

“A gentleman never tells,” Jennifer interjected, playing the same game as Taehyung. Aleena stood beside you by now, scoffing under her breath.

Finally, Jeongguk spoke up, deciding to put an end to the tense situation, “I’ll text you spontaneously, alright?”

Obviously unsatisfied with his short and meaningless empty promise, she gave up and hugged him, not without giving him a kiss on the cheek as she said goodbye and also not missing her chance to glare at you once again.

As soon as she was gone Taehyung hit the back of his head before walking to Aleena, casually linking his hand in hers - at least it was going good for them.

“That hurt,” he yelled at his friend, rubbing the space where he just got hit.

“That hurt? No, what hurt was the way this girl was trying to mark you as her territory,” Taehyung insisted, shaking his head in disbelief to what he just had to see.

Jeongguk let out a long sigh, nodding in defeat, “I promise she’s usually not that bad. I don’t know what has gotten into her.”

Aleena let out a chuckle, “I think she felt a bit threatened by the pretty girl by your side.”

You didn’t even pay attention to their conversation, trapped inside your own thoughts. Somehow it was hard to swallow the fact that you thought that Jeongguk was flirting with you but then immediately let go of your hand as soon as another girl walks by. Holding his hand felt a bit too natural to you, your hands fitting a bit too well in each others’. And god, you wanted to hold it again.

When the others stopped walking, a worried Jeongguk was already staring at you but you ignored him, inspecting the Ferris wheel in front of you.

“We have to go,” Taehyung insisted, his hand still linked with Aleena’s - it was nice to see his eyes sparkling for once when he was looking at a girl, “It wouldn’t be a real fair date if we didn��t, no matter how cliche it is.”

Aleena let out a sigh, “Taehyung, I’m absolutely afraid of heights.”

Chuckling, he hugged her from the back, “You just say that so I’ll hold you.”

“If I die I will absolutely take you to hell with me,” she warned him, starting to line up for the Ferris wheel. You stood right behind them in line, their backs turned to you.

Jeongguk’s hands found your shoulders so you had no other choice than to look at him, “Will you do me the favor and accompany me?”

“I don’t know, Guk,” you told him, carefully removing his hands from your shoulders and his eyes turned soft as he heard you using your nickname, happy you weren’t mad at him, “Isn’t it a bit awkward? It’s a thing lovers do.”

Giving you a teasing smirked, he shrugged, “Why? Are you afraid I’ll make a move on you?”

Rolling your eyes, you scoffed at his shameless flirting. You know him well enough to be aware of the fact that he was just trying to make you let loose again and it worked but your mind still was preoccupied with the previous encounter.

“Or are you afraid that you can’t control yourself up there, all alone with me?” he added, the playful smirk on his face grew bigger and bigger, more than satisfied when he finally made you laugh even though you hit his chest while doing so.

“You’re terrible,” you glared at him, trying to stay serious but not able to hide the smile sitting in the corner of your mouth, “Now I’m definitely not going.”

He reached out to put his arm around your shoulder for a second but stopped himself, not knowing if you’d be okay with it - he noticed that you were not comfortable, “I can’t believe you’re going to make me go alone. I thought it was you and me against the world.”

“I never said that,” you insisted.

Letting out a scoff, Jeongguk gawked at you with his eyes wide open, “Excuse me, I thought it was our unspoken rule. I can’t believe you’d betray me like that.”

Shrugging, you played along, “All those years spend with you never meant anything to me.”

Holding his hand above his heart, he acted like it was hurting, a small ‘ouch’ escaping his lips. Right before you, it was Taehyung’s and Aleena’s turn to sit down, both of them mustering you with a teasing smile, Taehyung not being able to hide his sneaky comments, “Much fun. Don’t do anything we wouldn’t do.”

Jeongguk sat down in the wagon behind them, stretching out his hand, waiting for you with puppy eyes, “Please, don’t let me ride alone.”

With a long sigh, you took his hand and he rapidly pulled you close to him, making you stumble a bit, falling right into your best friend's arm, sharing an awkward hug - but it made Jeongguk happy so it was alright.

Happily, he wrapped his arm around your waist, holding you close to him. Normally, you’d enjoy the affection but you couldn't stop thinking about how fast he let go of your hand when Jennifer came into the picture and how much you wanted him to hold it again.

Jeongguk wasn’t stupid or blind, he has known you a bit too long to not realize what was bothering you. He also knew that he had to address it as soon as possible because otherwise, you wouldn’t stop thinking about it at all. And he wanted you to stop thinking about it asap because to him, Jennifer meant nothing. And you meant everything.

You felt terrible childish for being so affected by such a small thing. The two of you were friends too long for you to be worried about some random girl he didn’t even think was important enough to mention coming in between you. Scanning the view of the fair as the Ferris wheel slowly moved upwards, your stomach dropped and you knew it was not because you suddenly were afraid of heights.

“(Y/n)?” your best friend asked carefully, his tone sweet.

After you hummed in response, he buried his face in the crook of your neck, feeling shy, “I’m sorry you had to witness that.”

Knowing exactly what he meant but not knowing how to respond, you tried to sound as unbothered as possible, “What do you mean?”

Daring to look at you again, the apologetic expression in his eyes made weak in an instant, “About some girl thinking it would be okay to cut between us like that.”

Shrugging, you played it cool, knowing he wasn’t at fault, “It’s okay, I guess she was just trying to make sure that we’re not getting too close for her liking.”

With furrowed eyebrows, he shook his head, “If she thinks she could get between us she must be a fucking idiot.”

Laughing, you wholeheartedly agreed with him, “She wouldn’t be the first one to try.”

He gave you a nose scrunch before ruffling his hand through your hair - he knew how much you hated it when he did that but he would never stop, enjoying teasing you way too much, “But in the end, it’ll always be you and me wine-drunk on the couch, I promise.”

Pouting at the lovely words you barely hear from your best friend, you rested your head on his shoulder. He gave you a feeling of comfort like you’re home wherever he is - considering the fact that he was the main character in your childhood it was kind of true, all of your memories connected to home were filled with him, “I doubt your future wife will approve.”

You felt his head resting against yours, his voice low, “She can eat shit if she has a problem with it.”

For a second you didn’t say anything, but then you just had to ask him your burning question despite fearing the answer, “Are you and her serious?”

The way he furrowed his eyebrows said it all, “Don’t you think I would’ve told you if I was serious about someone?”

Of course, he had a point but something made you feel unsure - almost insecure. Jeongguk noticed your sudden shift in behavior, the strong urge to calm you down and make you feel better coming over him, “She’s the girl I was at last Friday when you were over. I didn’t really talk to her after that night. And I doubt I will again after tonight.”

That made you feel a bit lighter, thankful you didn’t have to deal with her again. It’s not like you didn’t want Jeongguk to be happy, you did, you just hated the thought of someone by his side that wasn’t good enough for him. It probably wasn’t fair because deep down you knew that no one would ever be good enough for the golden boy in your eyes, no one except for you.

“I can’t believe she was intimidated by someone like me,” you almost scoffed at the thought, making Jeongguk lift his head, “By me of all people.”

Jeongguk eyed you, confusion written all over his face, “Why wouldn’t she be?”

Thinking about it for a second, you shrugged, “Everyone knows we’ve been friends for years. It should be known by now that I’m not a danger to any of your girls.”

Laughing, Jeongguk shook his head in disagreement, “You’re delusional.”

Playfully, you hit his chest, a grin on your face, “Stop being so mean. Why would call me that?”

Your best friend was smiling brightly, eyes skimming over the nice view of the dark city from the top of the Ferris wheel that was currently standing still, “Because it’s true.”

One thing you always loved about Jeongguk was his smile, it sounded so cliche but it was true - to this day he somehow managed to still look like a boy whenever he was smiling, his big bunny teeth shining, the adorable laugh lines you loved so much forming in his labionasal zone and, your favorite thing about it, the smile always reaching his eyes, the wrinkles around them showing.

“Call me delusional one more time and I’ll end this friendship,” you warned him jokingly, the smile on his face only increasing more.

“I’m serious though,” he gestured, the atmosphere lighthearted again, “We talked about this before.”

Kind of being at a loss, you gave him a questioning glance, not catching on.

“Of course, girls will be intimidated by the fact that the person I’m most comfortable around is a girl,” he explained, his eyes not once looking away from yours, “Our campus is small and everyone already thinks we're dating. What do you think why no guy that knows me ever hits on you?”

It kind of made sense, yet once again Jeongguk seemed to be right and you disliked the fact that it was so logical.

He let out a laugh as he saw your mind working, realizing that he got a point, “I thought you were the clever one from us.”

Throwing a death glare at him, you shook your head, “You know literally every single guy on campus. Thanks for being such a cockblock.”

Snickering, he shrugged lightly, “Be happy, if it wasn’t for me you might have ended up on Taehyung’s endless list of random hook-ups.”

The situation between the two of you cooled down fastly again and for the rest of the evening, you could at least forget about your newest realization - at least until the two of you were standing in front of your door and the hug he gave you just felt a bit too good in your opinion. You suddenly started to hate how much he acted like a boyfriend towards you, knowing he had always been like this around you, twelve years of friendship and he always insisted on taking you home but now, that you might have started to like him it felt a bit overwhelming.

As you were in bed, trying to fall asleep you couldn’t stop picturing his stupid, proud grin as he won you a Minion plush, knowing you’d absolutely hate it, his fragrance in your nose, the way his hug felt so warm and comfortable still making you feel dense - this was getting out of hand.

You remember telling Irene that you would only drink one or two beers and nothing more and Irene agreeing with you, just wanting a girls night out again. All of this was not part of the plan - you didn’t plan to get completely wasted to a point where even holding up your own head was a challenge.

But still, there you were, in the dorm of Irene’s boyfriend, sitting on the kitchen table with your head in your hands. It’s not like you didn’t have fun, if you were honest you might have had a bit too much fun - it was hard for you to catch a clear thought, a thousand different ones swimming around in your head. You remembered that you had to call Namjoon in the morning to tell him something but you couldn’t grasp what exactly you wanted to tell him. You thought about your last exam next week, feeling bad because you should be learning instead of trying to sober up in someone’s kitchen.

Another thought came to your mind, making you feel like throwing up - Jeongguk. Even now when you were drunk you tried to tell yourself that you were overthinking the whole flirting going on between the two of you, blaming yourself for being too careless with your friendship.

“Hey, (y/n), are you okay?” you heard a sweet voice and were sure that you knew the voice from somewhere but couldn’t identify it, too lazy and tired to open your eyes to check who was in front of you.

“I’m alright, I guess,” you answered sloppily, forcing yourself to open one eye to see no one else than Jeongguk’s roommate Jimin in front of you, a big grin on his face - he tried hard not to laugh at your clearly fucked-up state.

“You don’t seem alright,” he laughed, sitting down on the kitchen table right next to you, his arm wrapping around your waist to support you, “Just how much did you drink?”

“Obviously too much,” you scoffed at his stupid question, making him laugh once again.

“Still as snappy as always,” he nagged you, putting your arm around his shoulder, trying to make you stand up, “Good to know you’re still the same, even completely wasted.”

“What are we doing, Jimin?” you asked him, your eyes falling shut again.

Forcing yourself to follow Jimin, you were now standing, pretty sure that if Jimin would stop supporting you you’d fall, “I’m bringing you to our dorm.”

“Why?” you glared at him, not liking the idea of leaving already, “I’m fine, I just need to sober up a bit, I promise.”

“Jeongguk will kill me if I leave you here in your current state,” Jimin insisted lovingly but stern enough to leave no room for discussions.

You rolled your eyes at the mention of your best friends’ name, not wanting to think about him, “Jeongguk can kiss my ass.”

“I’m sure he’d love that,” Jimin replied to your comment and deep inside you were thankful for him taking care of you. Usually, you could hold your liquor way better, so you had no idea why you were so out of it tonight, barely noticing anything around you.

As Jimin was carrying you inside of his dorm, Jeongguk was just stepping out of the shower and judging by the fact that it was in the middle of the night, Jimin was sure he had someone over earlier.

“How was the party?” he heard his friend screaming from the bathroom as he sat you down on the couch. You already fell asleep in his arms - as soon as you knew you were getting home safe you started to feel tired, asking Jimin if it was okay if you closed your eyes and he let you sleep, giving you a piggyback ride back to the dorm.

“It was fine,” he answered unbothered, trying to untie your shoes as Jeongguk walked into the living room.

“Did you bring someone home?” he asked in a celebrating tone, no idea yet who the girl on his couch was.

As he came over to his friend and saw your face his jaw dropped slightly, trying to put one and one together.

“What’s going on?” he asked his friend, his voice stern, “Why were you with (y/n)?”

As if Jeongguk wasn’t upset enough already to see Jimin bring you home, completely passed out, Taehyung came out of his room, curious to what was going on.

Jimin scoffed, shaking his head in disbelief, “I was just taking care of your drunk best friend, you’re welcome.”

Rolling his eyes, Jeongguk bit his lip, “I’m sorry, it’s just,” he started, looking at your figure on his couch for a second - he hated seeing you like this, “Nothing happened between you, right?”

Jimin’s eyes widened, trying not to laugh at the question he was just asked, “You think I’d make out with your girl? Seriously?”

Jeongguk threw his hands in the air, offended, “She’s not my girl.”

Both of them were distracted when they heard Taehyung facepalming himself from behind them, “Jeongguk, let’s go to the kitchen and sit down.”

Jimin and Jeongguk gave each other a questioning glance, wondering what Taehyung wanted but followed him wordlessly.

Taehyung let out a deep and long sigh, rubbing his temple as he stared at Jeongguk who was now sitting opposite from him.

“What’s bothering you?” Jeongguk asked his closest friend, confusion written all over his face. What could be so important at three in the morning that couldn’t wait until the next day?

Scoffing, Taehyung shook his head in disbelief, “Are you completely blind?”

Still not being able to follow, Jeongguk started to get defensive, crossing his arms in front of his chest, “Can you just tell me already?”

“You’re standing here in our living room, obviously upset at the thought of Jimin and (y/n) getting it on and then have the nerve to act like you’re not completely smitten for her?”

The confusion in Jeongguk’s face vanished within a second, being replaced by annoyance, “I’m not going through this with you again, Taehyung. We’ve been friends for twelve years. How often do I have to repeat that for you?”

Now, Jimin started to get involved in the discussion, taking Taehyung’s side, much to Jeongguk’s dislike, “Friends can fall in love too, you know that.”

Giving Jimin a pleading glance, as if he was begging him to take his side just for once, Jeongguk pouted, “Not her and me. It can’t happen to us.”

Taehyung was still busy rubbing his temples as if his friend was giving him the biggest headache he ever experienced, “It can and it is happening to you, please stop acting like it’s not. Guk, I see the eyes you’re making at her wherever we are.”

“And not to be like that, but that girl you’re seeing looks suspiciously similar to (y/n),” Jimin threw into the conversation and deep down Jeongguk knew he was right, he realized certain similarities between you and her too.

But Jeongguk decided to stay stubborn, afraid of his own feelings, “The thought of Jimin and (y/n) just upset me because I don’t want things to be awkward when she comes over if it wouldn’t work out.”

Neither Taehyung nor Jimin believed him for a second, “So, you’re saying if Jimin and (y/n) would be a real couple, you wouldn’t mind?”

Shrugging, he scoffed, not wanting to think about those kind of scenarios at all. It would simply be weird for his friends to date, not because he had feelings for you or anything, it just wouldn’t fit, “If he makes her happy, why not?”

Taehyung’s hand run through his hair, having to collect everything in him to not rip it out then and there. How could someone be so damn stubborn? He loved Jeongguk to death but if this boy didn’t realize he was in love sooner or later he couldn’t promise not to hurt him, “Because you have feelings for her, you absolute idiot.”

“So, what if I do?” Jeongguk’s voice suddenly became louder, not having Taehyung’s behavior anymore and Taehyung felt relieved, finally having him where he wanted, out of his constant denial, “Do you think I’d just risk my longest and closest friendship because of some stupid feelings?”

Anxious, Jeongguk looked over his shoulder to see if you were still asleep, afraid that you could hear his emotional outburst, his voice becoming quieter, “It’ll pass. Sooner or later.”

His best friend’s hand found his shoulder, squeezing it lightly, “Just don’t regret not confronting her about it someday.”

Calming down again, Jeongguk furrowed his eyebrows, “What do you mean? Why would I regret it?”

Then, Taehyung spoke the words out loud that Jeongguk was too afraid to think, “What if it doesn’t pass?”

Not wanting to deal with this idea, Jeongguk stood up from the table, excusing himself, “I’m absolutely not ready to think about that, please understand.”

Walking over to where you were sleeping, he studied you for a few seconds, a sudden wave of anxiety rushing over him. This needed to pass - he already flirted with you too much, already gave you too many hints, if you wanted him too, you would’ve reacted differently, right?

How frustrating it was for him, out of all the people his dumb self had to fall for the only person he shouldn’t be in love with. But Taehyung was right, he could deny it as much as he wanted, it was still true. And how couldn’t he fall for you, with a face like that and a personality that no one could ever compare to?

He had to force himself to stop staring at you before he did something stupid like trying to kiss you - you looked so peaceful, the thought of not having you around hurt his heart.

That night, Jeongguk fell asleep with you on his mind, not able to fight the feelings any longer, no idea that a few nights ago you were in your bed, dealing with the same problem.

Jeongguk got it bad for you and he hated himself for it, feeling like a complete idiot to bring feelings into this friendship.

When you woke up your head was spinning and your mouth was dry. It took you a second to come to your senses, forcing yourself to sit up on the couch you slowly recognized. Why were you at Jeongguk’s place? You don’t remember seeing him yesterday.

Studying the room in need of anything that would make you remember last night's events a smile found its way to your face as you saw the bottle of water and aspirin on the table beside the couch, right next to it a little note.

‘Good morning you drunkard. This is for you. God knows you need it.’

Thankful for Jeongguk taking care of you, you fastly took the pill and downed the water in one go, your body feeling at least a little bit better.

The clock on the wall said it was currently ten in the morning and you wondered where everyone was - you doubt the boys would be out early on a Sunday morning.

And just as you wanted to get up and search for your best friend, he came walking right through the door, looking comfortable in his sweatpants and thick hoodie.

“(Y/n), you were great last night,” he smirked at you as he let himself fall right to the space beside you.

“Shut up, you idiot,” you laughed at his attempt of trying to fool you.

Gasping a bit, he glanced at you with wide eyes, “You don’t remember? I had no idea you were into that stuff, I’m glad I found out though.”

There was no way he was being serious right? You cursed yourself for not being able to remember anything from last night. Normally, you wouldn’t believe Jeongguk a single word but he sounded convincing and god knows what your drunk ass did, now that you started to look at Jeongguk in another way than before.

Your stomach was turning, not wanting to believe him, “Stop fucking with me. I’m too hungover for your teasing.”

He rubbed his temples, his eyebrows furrowing, “I’m sorry to tell you but I’m serious. I didn’t know you had an underboob tattoo, when did you get that?”

If you didn’t feel sick before, you definitely did now. Running your hands through your hair you wanted to rip them out, “Don’t tell me we had sex with each other, Jeongguk. Please.”

“I can’t believe you can’t remember,” Jeongguk shook his head before a sly smile crept onto his lips, “Should I refresh your memory?”

Whining, your leg kicked him away from you, “You little shit, stop it right now and tell me you’re just kidding.”

Finally letting out the laugh he tried to hide the whole time, he rubbed the spot you just kicked him, “Do you think I’d fuck you when you’re that wasted and then let you sleep on the couch?”

You let out a relieved sigh, ready to murder your best friend, “You almost gave me a heart attack.”

Jeongguk was enjoying the whole situation a bit too much for your liking, his grin glued to his face, “I’m a bit offended you think having sex with me would be that terrible.”

Your glare left him unbothered, “How do you know about my tattoo?”

In an instant, his ears turned red, “You were too drunk to change so I helped you.”

Until then you didn’t even realize that you indeed were wearing clothes that didn’t belong to you, the thought of Jeongguk seeing you almost naked making you feel embarrassed in an instant.

“I didn’t try anything, did I?” you carefully asked, fearing the answer.

He shook his head heavily, “No, no, don’t worry. You passed out as soon as Jimin brought you home.”

Jimin? That piece of information was new to you, your eyes widening in an instant again, “There was nothing between us, right?”

Chuckling at how panicked you were, Jeongguk immediately calmed you down, telling you that you should stop worrying, “He’d be dead by now if he tried anything.”

With squinted eyes, you glanced at him, “You’re acting like an overprotective brother.”

“More like a boyfriend, if you ask me,” you heard Jimin’s angelic voice from behind you, turning around to see him standing in the door, “Glad to see you’re still alive.”

Chuckling, you nodded, “Glad to see that you’re still alive too and Jeongguk didn’t kill you.”

Shrugging, a teasing smile directed towards Jeongguk was plastered on his face, “It’s not like he didn’t want to as he saw me bringing you home.”

Playfully, you poked his side, “Jealous, Jeongguk?”

Jeongguk’s face turned red, not liking the situation at all, afraid that Jimin would say anything you weren’t supposed to know, “Just be quiet and get ready, I’m taking you out to breakfast.”

Not able to hide a last teasing comment, Jimin poured himself some coffee in the kitchen, “Sounds like a date to me.”

You certainly wouldn’t mind a date with Jeongguk. What you didn’t know is that neither would he.

Were you in the mood to go to this stupid party? No. Was this reason enough to convince Namjoon to not go and just stay home instead? Absolutely not.

You were honestly still trying to recover from your hangover from last weekend, not ready to even smell alcohol again but you knew you had no choice.

The only good thing about all of this was that you could finally see your best friend again tonight. The week was busy and even though you talked on the phone a lot you didn’t manage to meet, despite telling each other that you missed being together every single day.

It might be delusional of you but you felt like Jeongguk’s behavior towards you changed since last weekend. Of course, you might just misinterpret the situation but somehow he seemed to be more clingy, maybe even a bit more affectionate. Not that you were complaining.

“No way,” Namjoon shook his head heavily as you asked him to just turn around even though you were already in front of the big entrance to the house the party was going on in, “We’re going, it’s the last big party this term and attending it is mandatory.”

The sky only turned dark about twenty minutes ago and somehow, the whole garden already was full of red cups and people making out in the corners. How cliche.

As you entered the door, the hallway was already filled with tons of people, most of them you’ve never seen before - if you were honest, you weren’t even sure who this house belonged to and you preferred smaller gatherings with close friends to get drunk but if it made Namjoon happy, you’d certainly try your best fo have fun.

“You know how we’re going to do it, right?” Namjoon asked you for the hundredth time today, “As soon as we see Lia you call her over, start a conversation and then leave us alone because you have to look for Jeongguk.”

Amused, you nodded, “Namjoon, we’ve gone over this so often, I probably will remember the plan until the day I die.”

He chuckled, a bit too excited, “I’m just nervous.”

It warmed your heart to see him so giddy, if anyone of your friends deserved to fall in love it was Namjoon, “I’m pretty sure she likes you too. I see the way she eyes you in class. I’ll include this little story in my speech at your wedding.”

“Kim Lia,” he thought about it for a small second, “Sounds good to me.”

The two of you were on your way to the kitchen, both needing booze to get into the right mood - and luckily, the kitchen was way less crowded than the living room that was currently used as the main floor.

“What about you, though, Jeon (y/n). Like the sound of it?”

Scoffing loudly, you poured some liquor into one of the red cups, “Don’t even make me think about it, it’ll only complicate things.”

“The only thing complicating anything is the two of you not wanting to admit you have the hots for each other,” Namjoon kept bugging you with this topic for weeks now - just like everyone around you, “Everyone notices it except for you.”

“Stop it,” you almost yelled at him, knowing he won’t shut up about it, “Do you want me to help you with Lia or not?”

Immediately shutting up, he gave you an innocent smile and filled his cup up too, clinking it with yours, “Cheers.”

After fastly downing your first mixture of Whiskey and Coke, you filled your cup up again, ready to go into the battlefield of a dancefloor in the living room, on a mission to get Namjoon laid.

The two of you were still too sober, compared to the other people dancing around you but it wasn’t awkward at all - you enjoyed Namjoon’s company, always. You were more worried about the time you had to leave his side because he needed some alone time with his crush.

You caught yourself looking around for Jeongguk, your eyes scanning the whole room and your search didn’t go unnoticed, Namjoon giving you a skeptic glance before coming down to your ear, his voice almost screaming because otherwise, you wouldn’t be able to understand him over the loud music, “We all know who I’m looking for but I bet you’re looking for a man with long hair with a charming aura and dreamy eyes?”

Rolling your eyes you hated how accurate that was, “I’m not in love with him, Namjoon.”

The expression on his face showed that he wasn’t believing you for a single second, “I talked to Taehyung last week. He said that Jeongguk is just as desperately in love with you, so just go for it.”

Butterflies came flying to your stomach and you wanted to kill each and every one of them, still not used to the fact that you saw Jeongguk as more than a friend. You weren’t denying it anymore, at least not to yourself, but that didn’t change the fact that you disliked it so much.

You disliked nothing more than how much you wanted Jeongguk to hold you, kiss you, like you back. Actually, there was one thing you disliked even more: the fact, that you weren’t sure if Jeongguk thought similar of you or not, his mixed signals making you go insane slowly.

“What do you mean, you and Taehyung talked about it?” you asked him sharply, not believing the betrayal.

Your friend put his hands in the air, pleading not guilty, “He came to me and asked about your thoughts on Jeongguk.”

Throwing your head back in frustration, you whined, “And let me guess, you told Tae that I like Jeongguk?”

Amused at your misery, he let out a laugh, “Of course, I would never lie to someone, you know that.”

“I’m going to murder you, Kim Namjoon,” you warned him through gritted teeth but before you could actually act on your anger, his eyes grew wide.

“Lia, she’s coming towards us,” he sounded like he was about to faint and you told him to breathe, deciding that you could still kill him later.

It took only about three minutes until you were unnecessary to the conversation, excusing yourself to leave and barely getting a response because Namjoon and Lia were so immersed in their conversation, they almost didn’t notice you were saying something. Good for them.

But where were you supposed to go now? You studied the room, hoping to find anyone you could cling on, preferably Jeongguk or Irene but neither of them were around.

A few seconds later, you found your second-best option: Taehyung, Aleena and Jimin, standing on a tall table, a bottle of booze in the middle. They welcomed you with big hugs and your mood lifted in an instant. It was nice seeing Taehyung and Aleena were still together, all the other girls around probably disappointed that they weren’t the ones who were able to tame Taehyung.

“Looking stunning as always,” Jimin gave you a small wink as he eyes you from up and down, the harmless compliment boosting your ego immediately.

Taehyung let out a sigh, joking as he hugged you, “Stop flirting with your mate’s girl, Jimin. We’ve been over this.”

“Not flirting,” Jimin chuckled.

“Also, not your mate’s girl,” you replied to Taehyung’s comment.

Filling your empty cup with booze for you, he shook his head, “How is living in delulu-land going for you?”

Deciding to ignore Taehyung’s snarky remark, you thanked him for the drink and downed it with them, ready to have a fun night. Maybe Namjoon was right and the evening was not going to be as bad as you thought it would be.

Still, there was one burning question in the back of your mind, “Where is Jeongguk by the way? Isn’t he here yet?”

Jimin and Taehyung gave each other a short glance, you were not able to read it but they were definitely communicating with their eyes before Jimin answered you, “We came together but lost him on the way.”

Deciding, not to be too nosy about it you accepted their answer without questioning it, “You’ll have to deal with me then until he finds me, I’m sorry.”

Luckily they didn’t seem to mind. It was nice to know that Jeongguk’s friends were so welcoming and warm towards you, almost as if you have been in their friend group since forever.

It didn’t take long for Aleena and you to bond over the girl you both hate and share a class with, happy to hear that you weren’t the only one who disliked her.

“She’s not all that bad,” Jimin dared to interrupt your gossip, only to gain a disapproving glance form Aleena.

“You just want to get into her pants,” Taehyung argued, “Even I agree that she’s kind of annoying.”

Aleena high-fived her boyfriend, making Jimin roll his eyes.

“You’re just taking your girlfriend’s side,” Jimin teased his friend lovingly, “You were so much more fun when you were still single.”

But you didn’t pay attention to their bickering anymore, not being able to focus on anything, busy feeling your heart break into pieces slowly and painfully as your eyes found Jeongguk on the other side of the room.

Your breathing became heavy and standing was difficult because of how dizzy you felt, your stomach turning around, leaving you feel like you were about to puke from the sight you were currently eyeing. This couldn’t be true. But no matter how often you blinked, as soon as you opened your eyes you saw the same sight again and again.

Time was passing slower, almost in slow-motion as you noticed Jeongguk walking inside, his hair all over the place, fingers busy fumbling on the upper button of the white button-up he was wearing. He looked as handsome as ever but sweaty, no one else but the girl you met at the fair walking inside behind him, you didn’t even want to think of her name.

Your heart sting as you thought back to the night you met her, remembering Jeongguk’s words, telling you not to worry about her.

You tried to concentrate on yourself, your hands were shaking, not sure if it was because of the anger or sadness building up inside of you, probably a mixture of both, your legs feeling wobblier by each second. You felt weak. You felt tired.

And that is why you don’t fall in love with your best friend - to protect yourself from that exact feeling.

If you could, you would vanish right now, not wanting to exist anymore to avoid feeling like this, not sure if anything ever hurt you the way this sight did right now. You felt stupid, a wave of self-hate coming over you for being so naive to even think that a small part of him could like you back.

The two of you were friends, nothing more. It was always like that, why would it change suddenly?

In that moment, you didn’t notice anything around you, everything else irrelevant, almost as if time stopped completely - gulping, you realized that you and Jeongguk could never go back to what you used to have because you were stupid enough to bring feelings into this.

Just as you thought it couldn’t get worse his eyes met yours, already starring at him and you were sure your eyes were filled with pain. He noticed immediately, his expression almost pleading you to let him explain, pain was written all over his features - as soon as he spotted you he seemed sorrowful, gloomy, even worried but you were sure in comparison to you, he still would look happy.

He knew what was going on.

The longer your eyes focused on each other, the more uncomfortable you felt - but you couldn’t bring yourself to look away, the thoughts of what had just happened between them haunting you. Even if you knew he did nothing wrong, he wasn’t yours after all, you wanted to cry as soon as the thought filled up your mind.

Someone’s hands held your shoulders, making you snap back to reality as you realized that Jimin tried to make you look away, the torture on your face not going by unnoticed by him.

Not able to say what you were thinking, Taehyung got a hang of what was going on, spotting Jeongguk on the other side of the room, Jennifer right by his side, also slowly understanding what, or better said who, Jeongguk was starring at, rolling her eyes in annoyance.

“This asshole,” you heard Taehyung mumble under his breath, thankful for hearing him say that, “I’ll kill him.”

It felt like you were glued to the floor, not able to say anything because tears were building in your eyes, making you feel even more pathetic. But as soon as you saw Jeongguk strutting towards you, his pained expression becoming more intense by each second you knew you had to act quick.

You had two options: Staying right where you are and risking crying in front of everyone or fleeing to cry in peace on the toilet. You glanced at Taehyung, panic in your eyes as you decided to go with the second option, “Please, stop him from coming after me, I need a second.”

And with that you were turning around, fast pace towards the nearest restroom you could find, locking the door behind you.

Breathing in, breathing out. And in, and out again. Repeating this over and over until you calmed down, proud of yourself for not crying.

Jeongguk didn’t owe you anything, he did nothing wrong, he only playfully flirted with you every now and then, platonic and you let it get to your head. He could sleep with whoever he wanted. It was not worth ruining your friendship.

You tried to tell yourself those facts over and over again until you started to actually believe them. Knowing that Taehyung could only keep him away from you for so long, you felt pressured to pull yourself together. What were you even supposed to say once Jeongguk found you? He had no idea that you liked him and now was certainly not the time to tell him.

The first knock on the bathroom door made you freeze in your spot. Another deep breath, calming yourself down a bit.

“Please, let me in,” the voice of your best friend sounded desperate over the muffled music you could hear blasting from the living room.

Knowing, it would be stupid to ignore him because in the end, you had to open the door for him sooner and later and it would only get more awkward the longer you waited, you opened it for him, a relieved sigh escaping his mouth as soon as he saw you.

In a rush, he came in and closed the door behind you - he still was worried, his wrinkled forehead giving him away. Standing right before you, he held your arms in his hands, making you look at him, “I know this sounds like such a douchebag sentence but you have to believe me, it’s not what it looks like and I can explain.”

“You don’t have to explain anything to me, Guk,” your voice luckily didn’t betray you and you were impressed with how cool you sounded, as if you didn’t just almost lost your mind. But you meant it, it was the truth - he didn’t have to explain it to you, “you literally don’t owe me anything, don’t worry.”

Biting his lip, he shook his head, “I owe you everything and I am worrying.”

His eyes were starring into yours as if he was searching for something in them and before you knew what was happening, he wrapped his arms around you, embracing you tightly. His hands pressed your head against his chest, lightly caressing your hair, “Can we please go to my dorm?”

“Why?” you asked quietly, not knowing what exactly was going on. Jeongguk’s reaction to your reaction confused you even more and you wondered just how weird this evening could possibly get.

“Please,” he just whispered, begging you to come with him - so you agreed and without exchanging another word, the two of you were on your way out, ignoring everyone else as you were leaving.

“Don’t you want to say goodbye?” you asked him carefully, almost afraid of the way he was rushing you. What in the world was going on?

Shaking his head once again, he handed you his jacket as soon as you were stepping outside, telling you to wear it even though his dorm luckily was only a five-minute walk away, “It’s okay, I’ll see them at home later.”

Not able to keep up with his fast steps, you held onto his arm to slow him down and he immediately walked slower, letting you keep up with him.

“We didn’t have sex,” he blurted out, the whole situation seemingly stressing him out even more than you. Under any other circumstances, you probably would’ve chuckled at his nervousness but you still felt too tense, your heart heavy as if it could just fall out any second.

Gulping, your eyes were glued to the stars in the sky, afraid to look into his eyes, “It wouldn’t have been the first time, it’s alright.”

It didn’t feel alright to you but it had to be.

“It wouldn’t be alright,” he insisted and you were too tired to think about how exactly he meant that, just wanting this day to be over, “I wanted to talk to her to end things, ask Taehyung, I told him about ending it today. But then she tried to change my mind and started to touch me, that’s why my hair looked like that and she tried to undress me but I told her I’m not interested in her.”

If it was any other guy you probably would think he was just lying, the typical excuses coming out of his mind - but he wasn’t any guy. He was your best friend and you were certain he never lied to you before, except last weekend when he tried to convince you you had sex, and even if he tried to you’d look right through it.

The two of you were standing in front of his dorm now as he was opening the front door for you, “Can you trust me?”

God, if you’d ever tell someone this story they’d think you’re the most naive girl walking on this earth but the man next to you wasn’t only your crush, no, he was also by your side since your childhood days so how couldn’t you trust him.

“I’ll always trust you,” you sighed, “But why are you telling me all this?”

Jeongguk turned on the lights in his living room, mustering you - he seemed to be a bit more relaxed by now, his eyes still burning with questions and a certain neediness but way less pained. As you noticed the deep breath he was taking, you decided to the same.

“Go to my room, okay?” he asked you, chewing on the inside of his cheek, another typical sign of nervousness for him, “I need to call Taehyung, they are probably searching for us. But I’ll be right back and talk to you, promise.”

Doing as you were told, you walked over to his room, feeling surprisingly fine. You finally had a free minute to think about the overwhelming events of the last thirty minutes - almost embarrassed at how you jumped to conclusions when you saw Jeongguk and Jennifer, you were still relieved that they didn’t have sex. It didn’t matter if he didn’t feel the same way as you did but at least he wasn’t serious about that terrible girl.

What you were still feeling uneasy about though was the weird behavior of your best friend.

It only took him about half a minute until he entered his room, his ears red once again, showing you that he was struggling with his shyness.

“You noticed it too, right?” Jeongguk confronted you as soon as he looked at you, biting his lips, his handsome face full of worries once again.

Afraid that you might misunderstand the situation, you gulped, “Can you be a bit more specific?”

Your best friend inhaled sharply, rubbing his hands over his face, his whole body tensing. He needed a moment to clear his thoughts, afraid to say the wrong thing but you were willing to give him all the time he needed.

If this conversation was going to way you thought it was, he had every reason to be nervous, your ribcage felt tight and as if it could rip any second so you could only imagine what your best friend felt like right now, being the one addressing the whole situation. But then, on the other hand, judging your reaction earlier it wasn’t too hard to notice that you had feelings for him.

“There’s a difference in how we act around each other, right?” your best friend finally said, choosing his words very carefully on purpose so he could always play it cool if you rejected him. His ears were red and in any other situation you’d nag him about it but you knew it was inappropriate right now, “The way we talk and the way we touch each other. Even the way we look at each other. Is that just me?”

His last question was filled with sorrow, almost pain even. Jeongguk hated the thought of fucking up your friendship just as much as you, so for him to finally address the tension between you was very brave of him, something you wouldn’t have dared.

The whole situation felt awkward, you wanted it to be over as soon as possible, afraid that saying one wrong thing might end your friendship forever - you were aware that nothing would break your friendship that easily but just the thought of romantic feelings between the two of you was making you anxious. You liked Jeongguk, you wanted to be around him more than usual, you found yourself staring at his lips and his arms and think of him differently - all the signs were clear, you were falling for your best friend, no matter how often you told yourself you were not and you were just lonely.

You liked Jeongguk - and apparently, he was going through something similar with you too.

“It’s not just you,” you finally manage to answer his question, your voice sounding weak and almost not like yours, “I noticed it too.”

The man on the bed beside you shifted his glance from his feet right to your face after hearing your words, his cheeks red and you were sure so were yours.

"Thank god,” he mumbled under his breath, relaxing immediately, “I’m going to say something now and it might sound insane but I have to tell you.”

Nodding, your heart beat unbelievably fast, hoping to hear the words you wanted to hear so badly out of his mouth.

“I don’t give a fuck about Jennifer,” he started, the mention of her name making you feel bitter for a short second, “I don’t like her. I like you. It’s bad and stupid but I do.”

You couldn’t help but let out a breathy chuckle, beyond excited to finally know about the feelings of the man standing in front of you, “It is bad and stupid. But I feel the same.”

He let out a scoff as if he couldn’t believe you were having such a conversation, shaking his head a bit confused, “This feels so awkward.”

You chuckled, thankful that he put your feelings into words, “I guess that is what happens when friends suddenly get caught up in another.”

He let himself fall backward, right onto his bed, staring at his ceiling. His hand ran through his hair as he let out the hundredth sigh for today, “I can’t believe we like each other.”

You threw him a glare, rolling your eyes before sarcastically adding, “Don’t be too happy about it.”

A pout formed on his lips, trying to look cute, “That’s not how I meant it, you know that.”

“Well, how did you mean it then?” you asked, a bit hurt at his frustration. It’s not like you thought it was ideal that you two fancied each other but it also wasn’t the worst thing that could’ve happened.

Your best friend moved his hand towards your wrist, as if he wanted to grab it but then stopped himself - only to then grab it nevertheless, pulling you to lay down beside him carefully.

There you were, next to your best friend, figuring out how to go on from here. Your face was turned to look into his, his hand still holding onto your wrist. His hair was messy, hanging in front of his eyes. No question, you preferred this tension over the one that was still hanging in the air about half an hour ago and you couldn’t be more thrilled to finally have him next to you, knowing that your feelings weren’t just one-sided but you never thought about how awkward it would be to finally shift from platonic to actually romantic.

“What do we do now?” he asked, biting his lip but then giving you a helpless laugh, “I’m sorry, I’m nervous about all of this.”

It was at least nice that the two of you could talk openly, even though it was a very weird and unfamiliar situation to both of you, at least you could be honest with each other, not afraid of showing your true feelings.

“How much do you like me?” you asked him, trying to decide on where to go from here. It was such an uncomfortable question to answer but you needed to know, not sure how exactly he felt about you.

He let out a breathy laugh, a shy smirk on his face, “I’ll get flustered talking about it.”

His smile immediately made you relax, smiling back at him, “I’m just trying to figure out if we should act on all of this or just try to ignore it, hoping it’ll go away.”

Jeongguk closed his eyes, not daring to look at you while confessing what he thought, his voice nothing more than a mumble, “I think it’s a bit too much for me to just ignore it. Let’s just say in my head we already told our parents about us.”

Chuckling, the sudden rush of wanting to kiss him overcame you but you stopped yourself - you knew how terrible he was at talking about his feelings, so him saying this must be a big step for him. To reassure him that he had nothing to worry about, you freed your wrist from his grip to interlock your finger with his.

“But if you want to just stay friends I’ll obviously be fine with it, our friendship is way more important than anything and if you feel-”, Jeongguk started to ramble, the pace of his talking become faster by ever word.

“No, that’s not it,” you interrupted him, trying to explain what worried you, “I’m just afraid to lose you.”

Nodding, his thumb drew small circles on the back of your hand, “Do you think I’m not? That’s the risky part about all of this.”

“I tried to trick myself into thinking we’re just friends but I truly want you, Guk,” the words felt risky as they left your lips as if he didn’t just admit he liked you too, the ball in his court now again.

“Good,” his eyes were sparkling and his leg intertwined with yours, his touch burning on you skin, “I don’t think I could go back to being just friends. I will always see you as something more.”

You wanted to hear those words over and over again, hard to believe the unbelievable outcome of this messy night.

“Can you picture that?” you asked him, “You and I, together.”

Jeongguk nodded immediately, not even needing a second to think about your question, “I told you before, I think we could be a strong couple. The possibility was always there.”

“So, it’s settled?”

He let out a laugh, nodding again, “Do you wanna shake hands to seal the deal or what do we do now?”

Joining his laughter, you shook your head in amusement, “We suck at this.”

“I promise we’ll get better at this over time,” Jeongguk was glowing now, happy, his aura as positive as always. He opened his arms, reaching for your body, giving you a small smirk, “Should we try cuddling?”

You almost snorted at the awkward proposal but didn’t have to let him ask you twice so within seconds your head was resting on his chest, his arms wrapped around you tightly. His heartbeat was surprisingly fast, thank god you weren’t the only one nervous about all of this.

He smelled as amazing as ever and the dim lights in his room were making you feel like you were in heaven even though the whole situation was still feeling a bit odd. You loved the way his arms felt wrapped around you though, definitely wanting to get used to that feeling.

“This is so weird,” you laughed into his chest and you could feel it vibrating when he joined your laughter, “but I like it.”

“Me too,” his voice was soft now, a bit more confident as he carefully played with your hair. It was helpful that you weren’t looking at each other right now, you were sure you’d be as red as a tomato if you had to face him.

For a second, the two of you were just laying there, enjoying each other’s presence in silence, too anxious to say something. It wasn’t as awkward anymore even though you were afraid to move - as soon as you would only a muscle he’d react to it for sure.

But luckily, he moved first, sitting up on his bed and glancing at you, a helpless expression on his face, “I have a suggestion to make.”

“I’m listening,” you reassured him, still lying in his bed, too comfortable to get up as the exhaustion from earlier was brushing off on you.

“I’ll fix us something to eat while you search through Netflix,” he started, waiting for an answer before he continued.

“So far so good,” you gave him two thumbs up, ready to here the rest of suggestion.

“We could try to perfect this whole cuddling thing too if you want to,” he then suggested shyly.

Chuckling at how cute he was, you nodded, “God knows we need some more practice.”

“And as soon as you’re comfortable enough, we could try to talk about all of this,” he gestured between the two of you, “I know it’s weird but I really want to work this out.”

Sitting up and grabbing his remote from the nightstand, you agreed with him, “We’re on the same page, I promise.”

Hearing that from you was enough to boost his confidence a bit, knowing that the awkward tension between you would vanish in no time, once you figured out all the smaller details.

You watched him as he was walking towards his door, admiring him in a whole new way - Jeongguk was handsome, an impressive body and a face straight from heaven. Of course, you knew all of that before but now that you could finally let those thoughts into your head without feeling weird about them you realized just how much you liked him. You think that those feelings for him might have developed a long time ago, you just never dared to pay attention to them before.

A rush of excitement came over you, looking forward to the new route ahead of the two of you - you’d figure all of this out, you two always did. All the new things you could explore together, as a couple - you couldn’t wait.

Just as he was about to open the door to take care of the food he turned around again, “Do you maybe want some clothes?”

You almost forgot that you were still in your dress, suddenly realizing how uncomfortable it was.

“Not like I mind having you in my bed in such a pretty dress but it looks pretty uncomfortable,” he explained before you could say anything, a smirk appearing on his lips, “And I bet you’d look good in my clothes.”

“You’re shamelessly flirting, Jeongguk,” you shouted out, both, amused and flustered by his not so subtle attempt.

Defensive, he threw his hands up in the air, “Hey, that’s just what lovers do.”

Lovers. How nice this word sounded when it came out of the right person’s mouth. Before you could agree or deny, he was already rummaging through his wardrobe, searching for clothes you could wear.

Not even ten minutes later you were back in Jeongguk’s bed, wearing a white oversized shirt and blue boxer shorts with little Maki’s printed on them, your hair in a messy bun while you were scrolling through Netflix, cuddled under Guk’s blanket.

Studying his room, you realized that you barely ever spent time in it, something that was about to change. Usually, the two of you would always chill in the living room because it was bigger, so his room was pretty uncommon to you. It was a bit messy, just like his room back home, except for his desk that was filled with the most expensive gaming utensils, glowing in all possible imaginary LED colors that existed.

A framed picture of the two of you caught your attention, decorating the shelf above his computer. It was one of your favorite pictures, both of you completely wasted, posing in a shopping cart. A warm feeling crept up on you after you realized that this was actually the only framed picture in his whole room.

The door opened, a big bowl of amazing smelling popcorn in one of his hands, and two big candles in the other one, “Ready to get comfortable?”

You let out a laugh at the sudden use of candles, “You never turned on candles around me before, is this an update?”

Setting down the bowl of popcorn on your lap and getting out a lighter to turn the candles on, he nodded, “I never wanted to impress you before.”

“You don’t have to try to impress me, Jeongguk,” you promised him, “but you’re doing quite a good job at it.”

“Move,” he pointed to the bed without saying anything else about the candles, “I wanna sit behind you if that’s alright.”

Moving a bit more towards the middle of the bed, you waited for him to sit behind you, his legs wrapping around you within seconds, your back leaned back against his chest. You put some of your blanket over him as he got comfortable.

Luckily, this felt less awkward than just twenty minutes ago and you were beyond thankful for it.

A few seconds later Jeongguk was done positioning himself behind you, his arm wrapped around your stomach, drawing little circles on your exposed skin where your shirt rose up.

“Is this okay?” he asked unsure, his breath tickling your ear, giving you goosebumps in an instant.

It was more than okay, you felt secure and safe and at home - a bit surprised too at how easy all of this seemed.

“It’s nice,” your voice was satisfied, your eyes closed as you enjoyed the feeling of being held by him, “I could fall asleep immediately.”

His lips were on your ear, giving it a light peck, goosebumps forming on your body in an instant, “Don’t you dare.”

The whisper made you shiver and you could feel Jeongguk’s grin without having to look at him, happy he had that effect on you.

About an hour into the movie you were watching, Jeongguk suddenly grabbed the remote and paused it - as you turned your head around to see what he was doing, the boy already looked at you, a concentrated glance on his face.

“What?” you asked him laughing, wondering what was happening.

Shrugging, his hand ran through your hair, eyes full of admiration, “You’re pretty cute. Did I ever tell you?”

Flustered, you playfully hit his chest, “Stop, Guk. You’re making me blush.”

The smile on his face was calm, his eyes not once leaving yours, “You are. Your mum must be proud of the beautiful woman you became.”

Not being used to hearing those kinds of compliments out of Jeongguk’s mouth your face turned red, “If you don’t stop right now, I’ll kick you in the nuts.”

Breaking his loving stare he let out a laugh, nodding understandingly, “I’m sorry, I’ll stop. But you’ll have to get used to it. I won’t hold back anymore.”

“Better not promise anything you can’t keep,” you warned him.

After looking at you for a little longer he stood up out of nowhere, reaching for your hand to help you get up too, “Let’s go and make a warm cup of tea.”

Not knowing where his sudden proposal came from you agreed nevertheless, holding his hand as you walked over to the kitchen, your head leaning against his shoulder.

“What kind of tea do you want?” he asked you, opening a cupboard with a small variety of different kind of teas.

Before you could choose one yourself, Jeongguk let out a small chuckle, “Stupid question, I know you want strawberry tea anyway, right?”

It was almost heartwarming how automatic Jeongguk started to boil the water, preparing your tea, a domestic feeling you wanted to never go away again.

You were leaning against the counter, just watching him as his eyes met yours, a sly smile on his face when he came closer to you, his hands finding your waist, “Why are you looking at me like that?”

“I’m just enjoying the view,” you replied as his right hand cupped your cheek and he came closer once again, his hip connected with yours. Jeongguk seemed taller than usual, it might be the fact that he never stood in front of you like this before but you swear, he never was as tall as today.

“I’ve made you tea before, it’s not like this is a new view for you.”

Agreeing, you nodded your head, “I know but you’ve never made tea as my boyfriend before.”

His forehead leaned against yours as his hand wandered down from your cheek, over your shoulder, softly caressing your arm until it found your hand, linking his fingers with yours before he slowly came closer, both of you anticipating what was about to happen, “Your boyfriend, I like the sound of it.”

Jeongguk’s lips were now just above yours, the thought of the little distance left between you being gone in a few seconds sent butterflies to your stomach.

His scent was already enough to make you feel dizzy, not to mention the burning touch of his hands on your skin or the way his leg found its way between your legs. But all of those things faded into the background as you could finally feel his lips on yours, the soft pressure making your knees feel weak and your heart beat faster.

It started out slow and careful, both of you enjoying the slow approach of seeing how far you could go. His second hand wandered upwards from your hip under your shirt towards your waist, his thumb drawing small circles on your skin.

The kiss started to deepen a few seconds later and the fact that you could feel Jeongguk smiling into the kiss made you want him even more. If only you would have known that kissing him felt this good you had kissed him way sooner.

Your hand played with the nape of his neck, trying to pull him even closer to you as he kissed you with more passion, more pressure, more neediness. His second hand found your waist, carefully pulling you upwards, motioning you to let him lift you up to sit on the counter - and of course, you let him.

So there you were, in the middle of the night, heavily making out with Jeon Jeongguk between your legs, both of his hands busy with your thighs as he freed his lips from yours, just to pepper kisses along your jawline, down your neck right until his lips reached the top of your breasts, both of you not caring about the tea he just made a few minutes ago anymore.

Throwing your head back with closed eyes you enjoyed the feeling of Jeongguk’s attention on your chest a bit too much, not to talk about how you slowly felt his hand moving to the inside of your thighs, slipping them under his pair of boxer shorts you were wearing sneakily.

It all felt too good, afraid of how good this night would actually still become - at least until you both suddenly froze in your place, realizing that your friends suddenly were standing in the room, just coming home from the party the two of you were at earlier.

Eyes wide open, both of you stared at the three of them, all of them staring back at you with wide smirks on their lips.

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” you heard Taehyung mumble under his breath, not even trying to hide the amusement in his voice, “Did we interrupt something?”

Jimin chuckled, “We clearly did.”

Of course, they wouldn’t let you go that easily after all they were known for being a pain in the ass.

“Let’s go to my room before they start asking questions,” Jeongguk fastly told you, lifting you up from the counter once again, this time to help you get down.

But Taehyung already had other plans, the shit-eating grin on his face not fading at all, “Not so fast. How did that happen? We expected a lot but not that.”

Now, Taehyung’s girlfriend joined the conversation, “Baby, give them some space. God knows they need some alone time.”

Not letting the two of you get away so easily, Taehyung sat down on the kitchen table, gesturing you to join him, “First I want to know what happened after you left the party.”

Jeongguk threw you an apologetic glance, a small pout on his lips, making you chuckle.

“Guess we have to wait for a bit longer,” you whispered to him as you made your way over to the table.

Nodding, he let out a soft sigh, “Luckily we have all the time of the world.”

After waiting for twelve years you could definitely wait for another hour or two to finally start a new chapter of your life - and boy, were you excited for that chapter.

if you read until here, i wanna say thank you and i hope you enjoyed it. i barely write fics this long so sorry if it is a bit unstructed, i’m still learning! ♥

5K notes · View notes

butididntpourthewhiskeys · 4 years

Text

L O V E B O U N D

“Christmasbound IV”

Taylor opens her eyes, just once, then closes them immediately. The entire room is spinning again. Her eyes are glued together, her vision blurry. She should’ve taken an Advil before bed. She should’ve prevented this. With a loud groan, she turns around in bed, the blanket only covering one half of her body. She swallows once, can obviously feel how dry her throat is. Taylor wants to move, wants to get up and tell herself that this is a new day, a new beginning, a new chance. All of these positive affirmations that she’s been growing up with. But today, she can’t. Maybe it was the late night whiskey while being all alone that was a bad idea. Maybe it was taking step closer to Joe and his family, which truly has been a bad idea after all.

Taylor takes another deep breath, holds her hand. She’s tired. Emotionally even more than physically. She slowly sits up. A stinging pain in her head keeping her from moving further. She looks to the side, could’ve sworn that she ensured to have a water bottle next to her bed. But the only thing she finds on the nightstand next to her is the whiskey glass. Almost empty. Disgusted at herself, Taylor moves her legs to dangle down the left side of the bed. She just sits upright, feels how dizzy she still is. When she was twenty- three and the world was against her, Taylor would always feel a sense of direction deep within her. As bad as it was, and as destructive as her dealing mechanisms may have been - she always knew this was just a phase. Just a bad month, a bad occurrence. A bad relationship. But now, at age 32, she doesn’t feel a sense of direction anymore. Even more so, she feels like she’s been on the right path. For a long time. Until she decided to leave it. Decided to go so incredibly wrong. All of that, while being a mother. Taylor swallows, stands up on the soft carpet on her bedroom floor. Barefoot and with nothing but her oversized sleeping shirt, Taylor makes her way down the stairs. Her eyes immediately fall onto the big window fronts. With swollen eyes and dried mascara on her cheek, she can’t help but smile tiredly. The world is white. Taylor can already see Eleanor before her eyes, having woken up hours ago and excitedly jumping around the Christmas tree. She’s happy it has snowed. She’s happy Eleanor is with Joe and his family. Where there’s more happiness. Where she can make these happy childhood Christmas memories that Taylor always wanted for her little girl. Even before she was born.

Taylor reaches for the blue coffee mug on the top shelf in the kitchen. She quickly turns on the coffee machine and waits silently for the warm brew to enter her cup. Maybe, just maybe, Eleanor is happier staying with Joe and Naomi, and Elizabeth and Richard. Not with her, right now, on this day. She doesn’t know how to be a mother when deep inside, she’s the lost teenage girl again. She’s never gone through this scenario when becoming a mother. She’s never been prepared that something might hit her that would absolutely numb her from being Eleanor’s mommy. From putting on a fake smile, just to be there for Eleanor. Taylor swallows the hot beverage, knows even without looking into the mirror how horrible she looks. Her shoulder long hair curly and in all directions, mascara under her eyes, bangs all messed up. She slowly grabs her phone, tabs two times to open the chat with Joe. She stares at their last exchanged messages for a few seconds. And she swallows again.

I can’t wait to have you two here, see you soon.

How ironic, that she actually felt like he had other reasons to invite her over. Other reasons than to finally move on from her.

Hey, Merry Christmas. I woke up not feeling great and don’t want to risk anything, so I think I’ll be staying home today. I’ll call later to speak to E. Merry Christmas to your family, give E a kiss from me.

Taylor drops her phone on the marble counter, doesn’t even care if the fall was a bit too harsh. She then grabs her coffee mug and wanders up the stairs again. This time though, she doesn’t go back to her messed up bed and the empty whiskey glass that is waiting for her like a cloud of guilt, in the middle of her house. Instead, she walks straight to the piano room. With bare legs, she slowly sits down on the little chair right in front of the massive piano. For a second, she just sits there, then lifts the piano lid slowly. She doesn’t even move, just takes a last sip of her coffee before placing the mug right on top of the piano. Her fingers slowly brush each key, low undefined sounds coming from the instrument. She’s never been good at life. But this was all she’s had. All she could really get right. All she will ever understand.

Did you ever hear about the girl who got frozen?

Taylor begins to follow this voice inside of her. Without thinking too much, she lets her hands do the work. Wanders from key to key, until there’s a melody that speaks for her.

____________________

“Mommy, I also got the new tonniebox that I wanted. And daddy and me also read me the note that Santa left for me. Santa wrote a note, just for me!” the little girl babbles into her mother’s ears. Taylor, who’s still just in her PJs, sits on the sofa now. Coffee number three in her hands, her hair still as messed up as before. She laughs quietly on the phone, can see her daughter’s excited little face in front of her eyes. “Of course he did. You’re such a good person, and you know that Santa always has an eye on that. And he’s so proud of you, same as me.” Taylor says, consciously didn’t tell her that she’s been a ‘good girl’, this year. She’s learned the difference between society telling you you’re a ‘good girl’ and actually being a good person. There’s worlds between these two things. Taylor can hear the background noises, Elizabeth probably rushing to prepare breakfast for everyone. Just when Eleanor was done telling Taylor about her presents, she can hear Joe in the background. Asking her if ‘mummy’s still on the phone’. Taylor swallows. It takes less than five seconds and she can hear Joe’s voice. He sounds careful, almost worried, a hint of curiosity in his voice. Her text this morning was probably too obvious. He knows her too well, probably can tell already that she’s been to overwhelmed by last night. Too overwhelmed meeting Naomi. Too overwhelmed seeing Joe with another woman. For the first time in a decade. For the first time ever.

He asks her if she’s feeling better, if she can make it to join them for lunch. How important it would be for Eleanor to have her mum there. Taylor feels sick, just hearing his voice again. Maybe it’s the coffee on her empty stomach, or it’s the warmth in his deep voice, that has captured her from the first time he opened his mouth, ages ago, through all the noise, on a warm LA summer night.

“I don’t know if it’s safe for me to come over, especially with covid and.. I do feel a scratch in my throat. So I think it’s better if…”

“We all got tested yesterday. It’s impossible that…”

“It doesn’t change the fact that I feel like crap,” she says, hoping he would finally stop. Taylor hears his silence on the end of the phone line. He knows. She knows that he knows.

“Of course, I’m sorry for pressuring you. It’s just… it’s Christmas Day and…”

“No, no. You’re not pressuring me.” She then says, still feels sad whenever he does. She needs to stop doing this. Needs to stop subconsciously mirroring him. Caring so much and so deeply about his happiness that she adjusts whenever he’s feeling some type of way. Suddenly, Taylor can hear Eleanor in the background. She is asking about mommy. Asking when mommy is coming over. Taylor feels this pressure on her chest again. Is she abandoning her daughter right now? Because she can’t get over her own feelings?

“Eleanor wants to.. wants to speak to you again.” He says then and Taylor can hear him handing over the phone. It takes one whiny “mommy” and Taylor knows she needs to get up, get freshened up, get over herself. She’s not twenty- three anymore. She can’t just care solely for herself anymore. She can’t just stay right here.

____________________

With a bad tummy ache, Taylor stares out of the window, watching all the naked trees in the dim light.

You left me no choice but to stay here forever.

For whatever reason, these lyrics are stuck in her head and she knows that she needs to write them down tonight. Just when the car stops, Taylor feels a rush of nausea overcome her. She unbuckles her seatbelt and nods at her driver. She thanks him underneath her mask, swallows hard as she sees the family home just meters away from her, behind the glass of the car where she’s still sitting in the backseat. She feels unable to move, but does it anyways. After a few seconds, she’s left the car, wearing black jeans and boots and nothing but a plaid blouse underneath her coat. She slowly takes off the mask, remains there in front of the house. She’s doing this for Eleanor. She’s doing this because she’s got a responsibility. Because she’s an adult now. Taylor slowly takes a few steps up to the entry through the thin layer of snow on the ground, can already smell Elizabeth’s cherry pie through the open window that leads right to the hallway. Taylor knows she looks better than a few hours ago. Her hair and face clean. Mascara where it’s supposed to be. Blush on her lips and cheeks. Almost as if nothing had happened to her. Nothing at all. With a slight nauseous feeling, Taylor was about to ring the doorbell but stopped in the last second, as the big door opened by itself already. A bit surprised and startled, Taylor looks at Elizabeth. And the fifty- year old woman looks back at her. It’s this uncomfortable and insecure silence between them for a few seconds. But even before Taylor can say anything, Elizabeth’s face changes into a warm smile. A relief that has run through Taylor’s veins immediately.

“Oh hi there, I knew I heard a car pull up.”

Taylor nods, was just about to answer as Elizabeth already pulls her inside the house and inside her arms. This is still new to her. This is still overwhelming. Taylor closes her eyes and feels Elizabeth’s hands on her back, stroking her back up and down. She immediately feels tears building up, swallows them down in the last second, just when the brown haired woman pulls back and smiles at her.

“Are you feeling better?” She asks, a well- knowing look on her face, as she already takes Taylor’s coat from her. Taylor, who feels welcomed but trapped at the same time, just nods quietly. She doesn’t really want to talk about it.

“Yeah I felt a bit off this morning.” she mumbles. Elizabeth places a hand on her back as soon as she’s put the coat away and walks with Taylor into the kitchen. Like a wildcat in fight mode, Taylor hectically looks through the living room but nobody’s there. That’s not quite what she expected to find.

“Where..”

“Oh they’re all upstairs on the attic looking through Joe’s old theatre costumes.” Elizabeth laughs, begins to stir the sauce she’s preparing on the stove. Taylor just nods, doesn’t really know how to act or move. She just takes a deep breath standing there. An old Christmas CD from the 90s is playing. The lights on the Christmas tree are lid. The cooker hood making dump noises. Elizabeth looks up at Taylor again, can see her awkwardly standing there, leaning against the counter next to her.

“We’re very happy to have you here, you know.” She says then and Taylor feels how she blushes. She never thought Elizabeth would ever say something like this to her ever again. Not after she and Eleanor left her son. Not after the last Christmas.

“I’m happy to be here as well.” Taylor then answers and Elizabeth steals her another look, then giggles quietly.

“Are you really?”

Taylor feels like she’s freezing for a while. She doesn’t know what to do with this answer.

“Of course, I.. I’m so thankful we’re speaking again and..”

“No, I didn’t mean that.” She says and Taylor knows what she knows. It must be written all over her face. A face that says ‘he’s moved on, I haven’t’. Taylor doesn’t say anything, as Elizabeth turns down the temperature of the stove and turns around at her.

“We should go for a walk soon. Catch up a bit.”

Taylor immediately smiles and nods a few times. Even if she feels like hell is loose, this offer definitely made her smile a bit more. It took exactly seven seconds to pass, as multiple steps come down the stairs and Eleanor screams excitedly, let’s go off her grandfather’s hand to run towards her mom.

“Mommy!” She screams and Taylor laughs for the first time really today, lifts up the small girl and holds her on her hip smiling. “Monkey, hello.” Taylor smiles, Eleanor and her automatically leaning in for a kiss on the lips which is followed by Taylor stealing her cheek another kiss. Just as she wished Eleanor another merry Christmas, is when she notices Naomi’s warm smile facing them. Within a matter of seconds, Taylor feels irritated again, holds onto the little girl on her arm as if she’s holding onto her life.

“Oh darling, are you so happy your mummy’s joined too?” Elizabeth strokes over Eleanor’s curls after having watched the scene between Eleanor and Taylor with a smile. She knows that after all, Taylor’s an incredible mother. A quality that she knew she’s got from the very first day they met. Right in this house. A decade ago. “Yes.” Eleanor mumbles into Taylor’s neck and they all laugh quietly. Just in that second, Joe also joins the family kitchen and smiles warmly at Taylor. He’s glad she’s made it.

“Someone’s glad her mum’s here, huh?” he then laughs at his daughter. Taylor was about to answer him, but his hand that casually lands on Naomi’s shoulder keeps her from opening her mouth.“Ellie, are you so happy you can show mummy your presents now?” the petite woman says, looking at Eleanor who’s still on Taylor’s arm. Ellie. Just in that moment, Eleanor turns her head grumpily, and goes “My name is Eleanor”. Taylor tries her hardest not to smile, but her mini- me seems to have hit the nail in the head here. Joe immediately laughs, both hands on Naomi’s shoulders now. “Darling, why don’t you show your mum what Santa Claus left under the tree this morning for her?” He says with a grin, obviously wanted to change topics to make sure that the awkward mood in the room diminishes. In that second, Eleanor moves on Taylor’s arm quickly and signals her that she wants to get down.

Together with Eleanor, Taylor now walks into the living room, knees down in front of Eleanor’s presents.

“Look, this one’s from Santa for mummy.” She says with a bright smile and Taylor decides to sit down on the carpet while opening her present.

“Mhm what could that be?” She says, swallows hard as she finally takes a good look at what’s in her hands. A colored polaroid of Joe and Eleanor, smiling into the camera is placed in the middle of the green card. Surrounded by little Christmas stickers and drawn Christmas trees with glitter hearts on them, both Eleanor and Joe have their heads stuck together, smiling the purest smiles into the camera. She can see Joe’s arm holding the camera. Of course she’s had some help with this present. Right underneath the picture, Eleanor has placed a smiling heart sticker and wrote “from Eleanor and daddy” in her messy handwriting, just the way a first grader would do. Taylor looks at the card, tears forming in her eyes. She doesn’t want to get emotional now. Doesn’t want to get emotional here in this room. But the two humans, who are so innocently smiling in this picture, still mean the world to her.

“I love it so much.” She says then quietly, hopes that no one else has seen her get teary. Eleanor looks confused at her mum, but Taylor just laughs, wipes away the tears on her cheeks and immediately hugs her. “This is so beautiful that I got super emotional, honey.” She laughs, soothing Eleanor a bit. And the little girl nods, seems to accept Taylor’s answer.

“I made the card, but Santa wrapped it up and put it under the tree.”

Taylor laughs and nods before getting up. Especially, because to Eleanor - it actually makes a lot of sense.

“That’s so nice of him. I’m so happy Santa brought me this beautiful card.” She says, takes Eleanor’s hand before joining the others around the table.

____________________

It’s been an hour now since Taylor consciously made the decision to have a conversation with the left side of the big table - Patrick and his girlfriend Jess. It’s been so wonderful reconnecting with him, hearing about his plans for after his masters degree. Hearing Jess talk about how they met, their struggles to find an affordable flat in northwest London and how excited they are to drive up to Denmark together once this coronavirus situation is over. Taylor has made the conscious effort to ignore Naomi, Joe and Tom who are seated on the other half of the table. Taylor knows she can’t block the new woman on this table out, but she clearly is taking every chance she’s got to engage in other conversations. Just when Eleanor is tapping attentively on her shoulder is when Taylor looks up and finds Naomi, Joe and Eleanor all dressed up. Apparently ready to go for a walk. A bit confused, Taylor looks at Joe and then back at Eleanor.

“We’re going out for a walk with Flint, do you want to join us?”

Taylor immediately shakes her head, an answer that came a bit too fast.

“Oh thanks for asking but I think you should go without me.” she mumbles, the last thing she wants to do right now is go for a walk with Naomi and Joe. Eleanor however continues to pull her hand, seems to have made up her mind that her mum has to join them today. Just when Taylor was about to talk to Eleanor is when Joe already speaks up. His voice in the same gentle tone that he’s always put on when they had a serious conversation.

“Actually, it would be fantastic if we could just... talk a bit? Who knows when’s the next time that we can all get together?” he says, Naomi just standing next to him, smiling hopefully and nodding with big eyes. Taylor knows that she’s being unreasonable but she would wish that Naomi wasn’t a petite and small woman, who’s got huge eyes, seems a bit shy and radiates this incredible kindness that sickens her whenever she enters the room. She wants Naomi to be someone she can passionately hate. Someone who’s toxic and mean, who gives off bad energy. But instead, she seems to be a kind, ordinary, bi- racial woman. Someone who Taylor would want to be friends with. The last person who Taylor would have wanted as her replacement. The better choice. The easier choice.

“Yeah it would be fun to.. catch up!” Naomi then says to Taylor in her British accent, sounding a bit unsure whether she’s been taking it too far. Taylor swallows. She’s got no arguments left. If she still decides to not go with them, then she would be the bad cop. A decision she doesn’t want to have to take. Taylor slowly gets up, nods and puts on a fake smile as Eleanor already cheers on her. She seems to be way more excited than Taylor is.

“Alright, it’s fine.” Taylor mumbles, can feel Elizabeth’s stare in her neck. She knows that it’s not fine. Not at all.

A bit insecure, just like she was back then, Taylor slowly puts in her boots that were left in the hallway. Joe watches her and he knows this isn’t easy for her. But knowing Taylor, he also is aware that things will feel way easier once she gets to know Naomi. Once she sees that she’s so respected by someone who doesn’t even know her. Once she sees that he wants her in his life. Forever. No matter what the circumstances are.

Joe remains standing in the hallway, watches Eleanor and Naomi with Flint leave the doorway already. Joe remains standing there, looks down at Taylor who’s still fixing her boots. Once she gets up, she exchanges a look with him and he smiles. Taylor is rolling her eyes.

I can’t believe you make me do this.

Thank you for doing this.

With her hands in her coat, Taylor slowly starts walking next to Joe. She feels awkward to say the least. Going for a walk with Joe, their child and his new girlfriend. Naomi carefully slows down to walk right next to Joe, and seems to be more than interested to start a conversation with Taylor.

“It’s such a beautiful weather isn’t it? I can’t believe it started snowing last night.” Naomi says and Taylor nods, can see in the corner of her eye that Joe is holding hands with her. And Taylor feels sick. To say the least.

“Eleanor was so sad these past weeks cause it hadn’t snowed yet, so she’s ecstatic today.” Joe laughs and everyone reacts except for Taylor. She usually is excellent in smalltalk, and Joe knows that. But seeing her so quiet makes him think that it’s not even a statement she’s giving him - she probably really is at a loss for words.

“Are you feeling better?” Joe asks her and Taylor slowly looks up, looks straight at Eleanor who’s holding Flint in her hands while walking down the street.

“Yeah definitely.” She says, doesn’t even try to sound like she’s okay with it. Slowly but surely, she feels rage develop in her chest. She cannot believe he’s making her do this. She cannot believe after everything they’ve been though, he can just go for a walk with Eleanor and her and his new girlfriend.

“Are you usually based in London or in America, Taylor?” Naomi then asks and Taylor can feel immediately that she’s been desperate to start a conversation with her. Taylor feels her staring at her. But she can’t face her just yet.

“Well Eleanor’s pre- school is based in London so we’re mainly here. But before covid we would travel a lot between Nashville and London.” she answers, feels actually kind of proud that she’s grown up enough to not become mean or sarcastic towards Naomi. And she can feel Joe do the same. She doesn’t have to look at him to know that he’s proud how civil she can be.

“Wow must be nice to have homes all over the world.” Naomi says and Joe laughs quietly. She cannot believe he’s laughing at her. Cannot believe he would be with someone who’s from an entirely different world. But then again, wasn’t that what Joe was to her back then? A sweet escape from the crowded and abnormal world she’s been living in. Taylor dares to look to her left and she can see Naomi looking at her steps carefully. Maybe, Naomi is Joe’s escape from her. The most painful thought she’s had for a while.

“Well, I’m sure Joe already told you that living in two different countries at the same time isn’t as exciting as you may think.” Naomi laughs quickly, and anyone who would witness this conversation could tell immediately that Naomi is nervous. Taylor hates it. Taylor hates how nice she is.

“Well, I was raised in southwest London and my family never could afford to travel. So to me, all of that sounds lovely.” Taylor says nothing.

“Daddy, can you help me with Flint’s collar?” Eleanor suddenly yells, already is a good six hundred meters in front of them. Joe immediately nods, starts jogging towards his daughter. Taylor and Naomi are now left behind, slowly continue walking down the street. And without taking a closer look at Naomi, Taylor can feel how happy the other woman seems to be that she has some alone time with Taylor now.

“It sounds ridiculous, I’m sure, but you have no idea how scared I was to meet you.” Naomi then says and Taylor wishes she never would’ve started this topic. She doesn’t know anything about Naomi and she wants things to stay this way. “When I was younger I had all of your albums at my house and... I really admire you a lot.”

“Thanks.” Taylor answers, as emotionless as possible. And she can sense that Naomi feels the cold that she radiates right now. How can Joe expect her to bond with his new girlfriend on Christmas? How can he think that her love for him has ever diminished? It never could. And he used to know that. The silence between the tall blonde woman in the big black coat and the smaller woman in the red puff jacket gets louder. Taylor feels uncomfortable and she for sure knows that Naomi feels the same.

“I know you hate me.” Naomi then says and Taylor sighs. Her anger gets more with every single word she says.

“I don’t hate you.”

“No, I mean.. I get it. And I feel so sorry for...”

“What do you feel sorry for?” Taylor asks, a bit too aggressive for her usual self.

“I’m sorry that Joe is making us meet over Christmas. It wasn’t my idea. I hope you know that. But I think he just... he wants things to become easier. With us. With you and your daughter. I think he just wants to finally have some peace.”

Naomi’s last sentence rips Taylor’s insides apart. She knows that she’s right. That she just said what Taylor sang years ago. Joe just wants to have peace in his life. With a partner who can give him that. With her as an ex- girlfriend and with his child. That’s all he wants. Taylor and Naomi just keep walking down the street, nothing but the gravel under their soles can be heard.

“You know, I will never become someone for him like you were.” Naomi then says and Taylor starts to feel sick. She can’t believe that this woman won’t stop talking. It almost feels painful hearing her voice in her ears. “You... you were his first real love. Whenever we talk about these things...” she sighs, then looks back up at Tay. “He speaks a lot about you and I think there’s just so many things he’s still digesting. Please don’t ever think that..”

“Naomi...” Taylor then interrupts her because she feels like throwing up. She can’t believe that the little person next to her is opening up to her if it she was an old friend. And maybe, exactly that kindness is what drives her insane. Because deep down, Taylor knows that Joe deserves someone as caring as that. Someone who helps him heal the wounds that she created. “I don’t hate you, Naomi. But I also need you to respect that I need time. Can we not talk about Joe anymore?”

Naomi looks at Taylor with big eyes, immediately nods. She seems intimidated by the tall blonde woman and Taylor can feel how guilty she feels. Naomi shakes her head, then turns to Taylor. “God, Taylor, I’m so sorry. I wasn’t thinking. I just thought maybe it would be the right way to just.. be really honest with you, but you’re so right, it was super insensible, and...”

“It’s fine.” Taylor then says, enjoys the sudden silence between them more than she expected. Taylor slowly looks up, can see Joe walking hand in hand with Eleanor. His hand lands on Eleanor’s head, and even from far away, Taylor can hear that she’s singing her favorite Christmas song. Taylor can’t help but smile for a second. Maybe, just maybe, it was all meant to be this way. Taylor still remembers ten years ago, when she first moved to New York and discovered slowly that with the lifestyle she chose, having a family and a committed relationship would be impossible. Maybe, just maybe, she was right back then. Taylor sees Joe jogging backwards, making Eleanor laugh. He seems so happy today. Playing with Eleanor, knowing he’s found someone who can give him the kind of life he was always used to, before her. The kind of life he craves. Taylor suddenly feels a new feeling in her chest. It’s a feeling she read about multiple times but never had experienced herself before, in the truest form she could imagine. She just wants him to be happy. Even if it means that she’s not part of his life anymore. At least not in the way she used to be. And she wants him to ‘digest’ whatever she did to him. Wants someone to help him heal the scars that she gave him.

“Look at that house, baby, oh my god.” Taylor squeaks for the fifteenth time in the past hour, stops in the middle of the street again. Joe grins, takes a step back to see what she’s looking at. A tiny house in brick stone with a French balcony right on the canal. He looks down at the blonde woman and laughs. She quickly reaches for her crossbody bag, takes out her phone and takes a picture. He can’t help but laugh.

“We’ll go home on Sunday and you have two hundred pictures of dutch houses on your phone.” Taylor grins, but doesn’t let him stop her. She just continues to take pictures, then buries her phone in her bag again and reaches for his hand once more. In nothing but her jeans shorts, white sneakers and huge sweatshirt, Taylor walks next to Joe. It’s a lukewarm summer night. With both hands now clinging onto Joe’s, they just continue to walk down the small street somewhere here in Amsterdam.

“I’m just in awe that there’s people living here, in this.. dream city. It’s so cozy and gorgeous. I just… Joe, I could cry how romantic this is.” Joe, who’s still walking hand in hand next to her just looks down at her with a big smile. His blonde hair a bit too long. His beard grown for his upcoming movie role. He just smiles, gets closer to her and presses a gentle kiss onto her lips. She tastes like the rose chapstick she applied earlier.

“I’m glad you like it.” he then says, continues walking down this lane. Taylor’s eyes are everywhere right now. She’s smitten by the city, smitten by the fact that she’s experiencing this. A weekend in a beautiful European city with the love of her life. No big black cars. No security around her. She feels so free with him, so safe, so… alive.

“Thanks for taking me here and organizing everything.” She mumbles. The sun is slowly setting and she’s glad she put on her sweater. “You’re very welcome. We’re almost there.” Joe says, keeps looking at his phone to make sure they’re not missing the right lane. “I think we need to go that way.” He says, points to a tiny alley on the left. Taylor looks at him and then back at the tiny street and just laughs. “God, I fucking love Europe” she laughs, holds onto his hand a bit tighter as they make their way through the alley. Joe looks back at her and she’s amused, carefully watches her steps on the cobblestones to not trip or fall.

“Where are you taking me? Do I have to be scared?” She asks, and Joe laughs.

“I’m taking you out to dinner, I already told you that.” he says all smart and Taylor just shakes her head.

“I’m really hungry. Where are we...”, within a few seconds Taylor gets quieter because she’s speechless. Just as they left the tiny street, a massive canal with a beautiful bridge that fully lid up by small lights is right in front of them. And Taylor feels like she’s in a movie. “Beautiful here, huh?” he smiles and Taylor remains speechless.

“Do you see this restaurant?” he asks, points to three small tables that are located right on the bridge next to the canal. Taylor just looks up at him, can’t believe he picked this romantic little restaurant for the two.

“Are you kidding me? This is... oh my god.” With a proud smile, Joe starts walking closer to the small restaurant. Just as they stand in front, Joe starts speaking to the waiter who then accompanies Taylor and Joe to their outside table - a tiny round table on the small bridge right over the Amsterdam canal. Taylor, who truly seems to be at a loss for words just sits down together with Joe. And the blonde haired man has to laugh at her reaction. Her eyes as big as the eyes of a child and her jaw still dropped.

“Do you like it?” he asks laughing, knows the answer himself. Taylor still looks around, unable to process how beautiful her surrounding is. She’s used to big city lights and massive crowds. But what Joe is presenting her here is quiet and calm beauty. The sunset over the old Dutch roofs. The view over the canal right from this little bridge. People who pass the street on the other side with their bikes. It’s quiet and small and beautiful.

“Joe, this is... this is by far the most romantic restaurant I’ve ever been at. How did you... how did you find this?” she asks, her phone already in her hand, taking pictures of everything around her. And Joe can’t help but smile. This was exactly what he wanted. He wanted to make this special, wanted to show her some of the most beautiful places in the world he knows. He wants to take her to all of them. The special ones and the common ones.

Just when he was about to open the menu, Taylor tells him to smile at her and he does so. The picture she just took of him makes her smile. He seems so happy, his eyes radiating in this picture right in the centre of this beautiful scenery right here at this restaurant. Taylor looks at this picture for a minute too long.

This is it. This is her entire happiness.

With a happy smile, Taylor puts her phone back into her small YSL purse and opens the menu like he just did. “What are you going to eat?” Taylor asks him and Joe smiles slightly, then looks back up at her.

“Well I’m not sure yet but I already know what you’re gonna get.” Taylor laughs,

“Okay and what is that?”

“Number 21 - truffle pasta with side salad. Dressing on the side.” Taylor looks back up at him and laughs in surprise again. He just knows her too well.

“Why the fuck do you read me like a book?” she jokes, and Joe can’t help but stare at her for a bit longer. She really does look incredible in this light. Her bangs a bit messy, her hair in a bun. She looks cozy in her sweater. But most of all she looks... happy.

“I guess I just know you very well.” he says, and Taylor closes the menu and looks back up at him. It’s a loving look, an intimate one. She slowly reaches for his hand across the table and Joe also puts the menu aside.

“You do. You really do.” she just mumbles and he feels like drowning in her eyes. Just when Joe was about to open his mouth, the waiter had already made his way to them and Joe orders - both main menus and two glasses of the Chardonnay. Taylor’s favorite.

“Do you ever think about what our lives could be like, living here in one of these tiny houses.” Taylor then says, her eyes on her surroundings. She sounds so dreamy as so often. Her heart is the heart of a little romantic. Joe still holds her hand on the table, strokes the back of it slowly. His eyes are just on her. “Maybe you would be working at the Amsterdam theatre of arts. I would be a writer. We’d both may struggle financially but live in a tiny old flat. You would get me tulips every weekend. We would eat a lot of cheese.” Joe starts laughing then, still looking at Taylor.

“I don’t think that’s what actual Dutch people do on the daily, babe.” he laughs, as the waiter already approaches their table and serves them two glasses of wine. Not even for a split second, Taylor lets go off Joe’s hand. With her other hand she’s reaching for the wine glass.

“Cheers baby. To us. Two years.” she smiles and he does the same.

“Two years. Almost.” he says and she laughs slowly.

“Oh come on, do you really think I’m breaking up with you two weeks before our anniversary?” she laughs and he just shrugs his shoulders.

“You never know.” Taylor just shakes her head. He is silly at times.

“But for real now, what if we quit our lives and move to Amsterdam and become ordinary people?” she asks him and Joe has to laugh once more. She really seems to be obsessed with this idea .

“I don’t know, I like our lives.” he says, feels a sudden nervousness overcome him. It’s the first time since this weekend. The first time that it comes boiling up and scaring him a bit.

“I mean... our lives are not normal or easy. I would like normal and easy for a while.” Taylor says, looks around herself once more. She can’t wait to send pictures of this beautiful location to her family and friends. They won’t even believe how lucky she’s been.

“I think normal and easy is not for us. We’re not normal or easy and I love that.” he says, takes a sip off his wine glass. Taylor laughs and looks at him then.

“No I am not normal or easy. You are though.” she jokes but Joe doesn’t react to her. She knows that it’s one of her weaknesses. Laughing when she’s nervous. Turning things that scare or worry her into a joke. Joe, who still hasn’t replied yet, just keeps staring at her. She’s so uncomfortable all of the sudden. And she never is, especially not when she’s with Joe.

“You are normal and you are easy too. And I love you.” he says then and Taylor looks back at him. She can see so much in his eyes, in these moments. So much love and kindness, but there’s also something else. He’s holding something back. Deep down, she can feel that.

“I know you still think you’re a burden and your life’s all complicated and all that..” he then says and Taylor freezes. There’s not been many times where he’s blurted something like this out. Without thinking twice. Just like that. Taylor swallows. Why is it that he can read her mind like that. As If she was an open book to him. “But have you ever thought for a second that you’re the only one out there I ever want to be with? I.. I don’t care about anything like that. All the.. all the complications or the not easiness or the abnormal things about your life. It’s not like that for me. I can’t ever see myself loving someone else again.” He says, ends his little speech with a smile. And Taylor just sits there, at the restaurant, holding his hand. She looks at his face but his words feel too overwhelming for her to process them. She’s had relationships before. But she’s never heard words quite like these.

“Do you understand me?” he jokes at her speechlessness then, “I can’t be with anyone else ever again. You changed me.”

“I changed you?”

“You did.” Joe looks back in her eyes and he can see how deeply emotional she is. This is it, he thinks.

“You changed me, Joe. In so many ways.” He smiles, takes a deep breath, holds her little hand a bit tighter.

“I know we never spoke about this in all seriousness, but…” he stops again, looks at her hands, before looking back up at her again. He feels shaky all of the sudden. His hands become a bit more sweaty than usually. “But.. how would you feel about.. things getting more serious in the future.”

“What do you mean?”

“How would you feel if I asked you to marry me?” Taylor sits there, a soothing evening breeze passing her face. She just smiles at him, doesn’t say anything. Then, without her controlling it, Taylor starts laughing. Loudly. Joe swallows. This was not quite the reaction he was hoping for.

“Baby, are you proposing to me? Or what is this?” Joe takes a breath, then laughs with her. He’s a bit insecure, but he’s shaking it off quite well. Acting school seems to have paid off.

“I’m not, I just wanted to speak to you about it. I mean… do you ever want to get married and have kids, or what are your plans in like… years down the road.”

“Of course I want to marry you. And I want us to have tall blonde weird ass kids.” she smiles across the table, “but.. we’re not there yet. I mean, we’re not even thirty yet. I just.. I definitely need a bit longer.” She laughs and Joe nods. He also takes a sip of his wine glass now. He definitely needs that.

“Do you feel differently?” She asks him then and he shakes his head.

“No, no I fully agree with you. I mean.. I’m 27. Way too young.” he mumbles, and Taylor reaches his hand again.

“Hey, look at me.” she says then, almost whispering because she knows he will hear her. “It’s you and me until the day I die. No matter if you love someone else or.. if you hate me. I will always love you, even when you don’t love me anymore.”

A dog barks at the end of the road. The soft snow underneath her boots creak slightly. For the first time since minutes, Taylor looks up in front of her again. Joe and Eleanor are still a good three hundred meters in front of them, have now started to pick a snowball fight. Just the two of them. And the tall man seems unlucky, seems to have taught his daughter very well. Every now and then, he acts as if Eleanor’s snowball hit him very hard. Harder than humanly possible. And Eleanor loves it, giggles excitedly while speaking to Flint about her next move.

You left me. You left me. You left me no choice but to stay here forever.

Taylor feels her body vibrating. She immediately stops, turns around at the woman next to her. “Uhm Naomi, can you.. can you walk up to Joe and tell him I need to finish something really quick. He.. he’ll know. See you later.” Naomi nods a bit confused, and it’s only then that Taylor notices how insecure the woman seems. She’s looking at Taylor, trying hard to understand her. Trying hard to read her. It’s this moment, in which Taylor understands that it’s also not easy being in her position. She’s the one who wasn’t there. Who hasn’t lived through the past years.

But Joe and her did. Every second.

More determined than before, she then turns around, already picks her phone as soon as she’s a few meters away from her. Within a matter of seconds, Taylor opens her recording app, stares at her phone for a few seconds and closes the app again. She then goes back to her picture folder, scrolls up for a few seconds. Right until she’s found it. Found something she didn’t want to see for a long time.

07.54pm, Amsterdam, Netherlands, September 4th, 2018.

Her phone still reminds her. Taylor stares at this picture for a while. Joe indeed, looked so happy. Sitting in the small restaurant by the canal. Holding her hand. Believing that they were forever. Having his mum’s ring in his pocket. Little did he know then that this evening would be the first time she would refuse his proposal. Taylor touches his face on the screen for a few seconds, then closes the app again. She goes back into her recordings, holds the phone close to her and begins to sing quietly. She doesn’t want anyone to notice her. To notice her singing nonsense into her phone - which has been the only dealing mechanism she’s ever known. She closes her eyes, right on this snowy winter day, and she’s back. Back in Amsterdam. Back in summer.

“Help, I'm still at the restaurant, still sitting in a corner I haunt, cross-legged in the dim light, everything was just right..”

#taylor swift #joe and taylor #joe alwyn #taylor swift fanfiction #joe and taylor fanfiction #lovebound #fanfiction #Christmasbound #right where you left me #amsterdam

127 notes · View notes