#he is a walking meme and he is self aware

[mossstep]

I’m eternally Interested with Sagau (self aware genshin au for those who don’t know) but god why does all the content need to be weird and dark. Like nothing wrong with that but I just don’t want to only read that :(

So! I’ll toss my hat in the ring with some silly/light hearted ideas!

Note: I AM A MINOR, please don’t be weird with my posts

Tws/cws: Sagau, swearing, (Idk what else, I’m bad at this sorry)

Creator!reader who is honestly just vibing and nothing else. No one realizes they’re a god until they fuck up and get hurt (cue gold blood) and the reader is just outright denying it

Character: was your blood gold? What the fuck

Reader: haha no

Character: *losing their fucking shit*

-

I think scaramouche would hate the creator, and the creator would probably be like “I love you my little meow meow” and scaramouche would just have to endure. Because the creator would probably just wanna get away from the whole god worship thing. Even if it means being around someone who despises them, Especially if the reader doesn’t have their memories of creating teyvat/is just a random Genshin fan from the real world.

-

I like to imagine an aroace creator, or a creator who just avoids dating because yeah, that’s a weird power imbalance, and the creator just wouldn’t want to deal with that.

-

I’ve always interpreted the creator as having the power to, well, create. So they’d probably just create a way to access the real world’s internet, much to the confusion of the characters

-

Oh and the creator would have so much fun just fucking with the archons, especially if they’re pretending to be a human. (Assuming the archons can’t sense the creators godly-ness) like I can imagine the creator walking up to venti, saying something along the lines of “so how’s istaroth?” And venti staring at them like “wtf did you just say?”

And along those lines, I can see the creator walking up to Zhongli, referencing something from so far in teyvat’s past that he’s the only one who remembers. And Zhongli would start talking realize “wait why does this random mortal know that?”

-

Oh, and the creator and nahida would be such great friends. The god of wisdom who was locked up for 500 years, and is now learning about the world, and the random god who appeared with knowledge about some obscure facts about the world, but nothing about the day-to-day life of those living in teyvat? They can bond over their shared lack of knowledge about how the world works!

-

Another thing that’d be really funny is the creator just saying random ass memes, and have their followers try to figure out what the fuck they’re talking about.

For example

In Fontaine

“French people are real?”

Furina: “what the fuck is French”

-

Also, the creator would just say shit from the real world with no explanation, like, I can imagine them yelling “JESUS CHRIST” when something scares them. And the people of teyvat just have to accept that the creator just isn’t gonna explain shit. Because how do they explain the religion of another world? Why would the most powerful god in teyvat worship another god?

[smoft-demons]

Tsundere nonsense

(This takes place between getting Beel’s pact and leaving for the retreat)

Mild angst, hurt/comfort, fluff. The human is very sensitive and cannot tell when Mammon’s spouting bullshit.

_______

Auva sits on the couch in the living room next to Beel. There’s a show playing on the TV. Beel is snacking as they watch it idly. Levi sits in a corner playing a game on a handheld console, hunched over and grumbling about being out of his room. Asmo sits on the floor, painting Satan’s nails. Everything is peaceful.

Mammon walks in, and Auva perks up, hands grabbing at the air in his direction. Beckoning him to sit at her other side.

Mammon acquiesces with an unsubtly fond eyeroll. Smiling openly.

Asmo snickers at him

“Honestly, Mammon, you still can’t admit that you’re wrapped around that human’s little finger? You’ve all but adopted her at this point! Can’t you say how much you love her?” Asmo teases.

Mammon sputters, hands flapping frantically as his face burns bright red. “Wh—! I—! NO! I don’t love the human, I didn’t even want the human, I don’t care about the stupid thing, what the fuck are ya talkin’ about Asmo—Shut the fuck up before I make you—!” Mammon deflects desperately, defending himself as Asmo cackles.

Under the sound of Mammon’s shouting, there’s a muffled little sound. A quick, squeaky puff of air, as if from being punched in the gut... Auva.

She inhales slowly, blinking hard. Trying not to cry. Trying not to draw attention.

It’s not working. She turns to bury her face in Beel’s shirt.

Because… Auva knew Mammon didn’t like her at first, he had said as much all the time! But… but she really thought he had changed his mind by now! He hadn’t said anything like that in weeks!

All the time he spent in her room, all the hangouts and talks and whispering stupid comments to each other in class, all the silly memes they’d sent to each other, his ever present charger and toothbrush and random items left in her room because he’s always in there with her… how is that not friendship? How can he still not care about her after all that? How could he not want her? Why…

“…why would he say that?” Auva asks Beel, her voice cracking with barely suppressed tears.

Beel places an arm around her shoulders. “He doesn’t mean it.” He assures her.

She sniffles quietly.

“—the worst, Asmo, see if I don’t sell YOU next, you piece of—oh, human…” Mammon finally notices his human, curled up in a little shivering ball of heartbreak. Hiding under Beel’s arm. Tucked away from him.

“Wha—no, no, hey… ya know I never mean any of that… right? Human..? Auva…” Mammon’s voice is suddenly softer. Soothing, like he’s trying to coax a scared animal out of hiding.

Silence.

(In the background, Levi glares at Asmo. He throws a nearby cushion at him.)

“I didn’t mean it, Auva, I promise..! C’mon… look at me?” Mammon frantically says.

Auva sniffles again. “Y-you said… you don’t care about me. Stupid thing, you said… you said—”

“No, no, human… I’m sorry. I didn’t… you’re not a stupid thing. I promise ya, I didn’t mean it! I was just…” he sighs heavily, as he mentally kicks his own ass.

“I—look. I get defensive, I’m… how’d you put it? I’m real fuckin bad at feelings, okay? I just—I get called out, then I get defensive, an’ I just yell lies to get everyone to lay off, an’—aww, baby, no don’t cry, don’t… fuck, I’m a jackass… c’mere, c’mere…”

Beel glares at Mammon as he pulls Auva out of her hiding spot, so he can hug her.

Auva thinks what he just said demonstrates some rather impressive emotional intelligence and self-awareness, especially for someone who just claimed to be bad at feelings. This… is encouraging, she thinks. Maybe, maybe it really will be okay..? Maybe he really does love her?

Hesitantly, desperately, Auva hugs back. Tangling her fingers into his shirt, hands bunched up in the loose fabric at his sides. Clinging, but not daring to actually hold him. Not yet.

“I’ll work on it, I promise. I’ll do better. I promise, I promise, human… I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean a word of it, I’ve never meant any of that, please tell me ya knew that…” Mammon pleads as he squeezes his human tightly. Secure, safe… how he knows by now she responds best to.

“You said… you said you don’t want me..?” Auva sobs.

“I do, baby, I do. You’re MY human. ‘Course I want ya! I’m never gonna get rid of ya… shhh, shhshshh… I’m here, baby. I gotcha. I’m not lettin’ go. Promise.”

Mammon has dropped his tsundere nonsense entirely. It falls away to reveal the soft, gentle, protector that Mammon is when no one else is there to witness it.

“…Auva?” Mammon murmurs in the long, quiet moment after she’s calmed down. “You did know that I never meant any of that crap I say when I get like that… right?”

Auva shakes her head slightly. “How would I know?? I can’t do subtext, Mam. Unless it’s in fiction, I guess. I never pick up on any of that in real life. I just… I trust you, so I believe you. S-so… if you say that you don’t care about me… how would I know that’s not what you meant?”

“…oh. Well… fuck. I… y’know what? I need you to know I’m tellin’ ya the truth now. I want you to use the pact. Command me to tell you the truth. Lemme tell you what I really meant.”

Auva’s taken aback. That’s a big gesture! “Um—are you sure?”

He looks away, red-faced and clenching his jaw as he nods. He gestures at her to hurry it up, get it over with.

“Okay… Mammon, tell me the truth. What do you really think of me?”

“Auva… you’re MY human. My precious lil buddy. You’re my lil gremlin human. There’s really not much I wouldn’t do for you. I love you, I’d NEVER get rid of you! I can’t imagine ever not wanting you here with me. You’re not some… stupid annoying obligation. Not at all. I can’t believe you really didn’t realize how much I cared about you, even from the very first few days of knowin’ you! Auva, I’m supposed to protect you, and I WANT to! You’re my baby, Auva. My lil baby. I love you, and I’m staying with you. As long as possible. ‘Kay?”

Auva stares wide eyed at Mammon. That’s… wow. Some shit she’s sure he’d NEVER say if it weren’t forced out of him. Safe to say she knows what to believe now.

She lifts the command.

“…wow. Okay. Yeah. Thank you…”

Overwhelmed, Auva buries herself in Mammon’s arms again. That was… a lot.

“Don’t let go?” She requests softly. Mammon squeezes her reassuringly in answer.

It’s peaceful again for a moment.

“Mammon.” Beel rumbles threateningly. “If you make the baby cry again I will throw you through another wall.”

Auva makes an embarrassed sound, curling into Mammon to hide again.

Mammon laughs. “Yeah, yeah. I won’t. I got the baby. She’s fiiine.”

Auva squeaks, overwhelmed and unsure how she’s supposed to react. She decides on clinging to Mammon and ignoring everything else. Her usual strat. It’s normally effective enough.

[cup1dt3a]

Who Hurt Them!?

Summary: self aware!twst one day sees the player covered in bruises from behind their prison/ screen. And so they finally let their sentience be known. So willing to see this odd occurrence?

You almost hopped out of your bed hearing that there was finally twst merch that was $20-10 dollars only! You blamed it on the game not that well known in your area at the time sadly. But still that was the cheapest you’ve seen anyone price the huge plushes you just had to get them! Never in your life had you even gotten ready so fast and looked so good to go out into public but oh well. Special occasions call for special measures. As you dashed to the door you had realized you almost left your phone on the counter. A super close call! Now off you go to finally get the twst merch you’d kill to have! You chuckled to yourself at the stupid thought of accidentally leaving your phone. As you walked to the store you had been reminiscing on some odd things happening with your Twisted Wonderland app. First, was some unofficial or rare voice lines you’ve been getting throughout the game. For instance one time Kalim had stated “ _____ you’re so beautiful I could stare at you all day!” You giggled to yourself thinking about the whole “ They forgot to tell him it was not an otome game” meme you’ve recently been seeing with Malleus. But as you continued on with the rare voice lines they had all seemed to be a lot more…romantic than what most usual players had gotten. From what you had seen on others playing it on YouTube. Second, was with trying to exit the main menu. Sometimes especially with Floyd when you tried to exit to play in the chat box it would display “ Shrimpy! Don’t leave!” Which you found odd again. But still paid no mind to. Thinking of it as an update because you couldn’t read Japanese at all so you were clueless if they were or weren’t supposed to do that. And you had waited till the English release to start playing. Third, was during the recent chapters. The screen had started to just not let you tap anywhere if it wasn’t on the characters. This was probably just the game was crashing because it has multiple times on your phone. You just can’t bear to delete it from how happy and comforting it always makes you feel. It seemed as if the game had a mind of its own. Almost like a fanfiction scenario where all the characters loved you. Wow imagine you having your own harem with hot anime guys you could only communicate with through a screen? You chuckled at the thought in your head as you entered the small store. Your eyes filled with pure glee as you looked at everything. Seeing how most of it was on your wish list of merch. You’ve been saving up for this for so long and we’re so happy you had. Because you could buy at least 40-50 items here with how cheap it all was.

As you happily roamed the isles of the store you had picked out all your favorite characters. Well all except for one of them you had suddenly reached for. But some guy right behind you had started to reach for it at the same time as you. Causing you both to give each other the worlds most akward high five? Hand shake? Not sure but you soon retracted your hand being to apologize to them.

“ Oh you’re fine just get out of my way I want that figure!” they harshly replied to you smacking your hand away from the small figurine.

You rolled your eyes at the rude stranger not wanting to escalate this into a fight and had walked off into another isle looking for something else. Just trying to enjoy the rest of your short time at the store. But as soon as you had found just the character you needed for your collection the same guy had tried to snatch it away from you. But you were faster than them. Already having ahold of the item. Even as the were gripping your wrist.

“ Um… sir could you please let go of my wrist you’re hurting me.” You forced a smile trying to yank your wrist out of his hand.

“ No I saw it first give me it!” He yelled.

“ What are you five? Get over yourself and find another one there are plenty more behind it. And they’re all the same.” You argued ripping your wrist from his hand.

He then proceeded to argue back acting as if he was in the right here. You didn’t want to fight you just wanted to got some food and rest merch as a treat for studying after your endless exams. He then had tried to snack the item out of your hand but had accidentally punched you in the eye. Leaving a bruise as you gasped “ What the hell is your problem!?”

This was quickly catching attention of other customers in the store. You didn’t want any of this attention just a simple treat for yourself but no the universe just said “fuck you be miserable.” You had quickly just tried to leave not wanting to deal with this bs anymore. Along with the rest of anymore of the worrying stares from people just trying to shop. Trying to suck it up as you paid for your little treat the cashier had noticed your distress.

“ Hey, don’t worry I already called security on him. I’m so sorry about your eye do you want some ice?” They whispered to you trying to ease your worries before you left the building. You sighed shaking your head paying them before wishing them a good day.

You hurriedly jerked and slammed the door open just wanting to crawl into your bed and cry. You just wanted to have a good day why can’t you ever have a good day? Whatever you got what you had came for just wishing that the experience was better. You rubbed your still sore eye hoping it didn’t escalate into a black eye from that ass-hole. What was his problem any acting like a 5 year old. You sniffed as you opened your twisted wonderland app. Just wanting some comfort to end the day on a good note as you cuddled up to one of the ginormous plushes you had gotten. Along with your snack and drink right by your side. You stared at the screen seeing the cute little animations and seeing it was Cater on your screen. He was a character you had really liked but never gotten on your screen a lot so this had made you feel a bit better. “ I swear I sometimes just wish I could actually go to your world.” You sighed rubbing your eye again. ” I bet you don’t have random ass-hoke who act like five year olds try and yank figurines out of your hand huh?” You ranted to them. Knowing that you’ll never get a response no matter how much you wished you did. As you ranted about your horrible day you had failed to notice how he reacted to what you said. With each statement of yours he had silently cursed the man who decided to hurt you. How could anyone even want to hurt you. You were too kind, sweet, and generous for anyone to even be able to do that. It should have been a crime in general. But soon you had to leave the game. Well more like you just cried yourself to sleep trying to forget about your eye. And you felt like a crybaby for being so sensitive over what seemed like nothing. But not to them.

“ And you didn’t even try to comfort them!? Cater I expected better from you!” Riddle snapped at him.

“ Don’t you think I tried not every one here has as good of control over breaking their code!” He testified.

“ Geez it sounded like they were in some Black Friday sale! Plus their eye already looks a bit swollen. “ Ace committed.

Unknowingly to you your beloved characters had gained some sort of sentience throughout your time playing. One by one they had all come to a sense of some kind of humanity from your constant ranting to them. But you always would brush it off. And it’s starting to not be as easy to brush off.

“ You know if someone could just hurry up already the herbivore wouldn’t be having this problem.” Leona tsked glaring at a certain firey blue haired man.

“ Do…Dont you dare start this with me again! If …IF you think it’s sooooo easy then be my guest and help at least!” He flipped the lion off.

“ Hey hey! Let’s not fight Idia is trying his best! Plus I think we should focus on our sunshine at the moment!” Kalim said before the two tried to kill each other again.

“ For once I agree with him.” Jamil said as the others agreed.

For they had all been planning to make your wish come true one way or another you would become part of their world. Just in the meantime try to focus a bit more on some of their out of character voice lines from now on ok? You’ll be with them sooner than you know it.

@41sh4 I have delivered your sentient twst idea! Hope it was up to your standards.

And to everyone else I hope you all enjoyed and are having a wonderful day/ or that it gets better!

Sincerely-Cup1dT3a 💖💕

[fairygeek777]

Brief summary of the different versions of Mamoru Chiba:

Because I have brainrot

Mamoru: Crystal/Manga

16-18 year old high school student. Later enters college.

Often reading a book with like 3 more in his other hand or next to him.

Searching for Silver Crystal to remember who he is

Kinda a loner

Takes the bus to and from school.

Loves kids especially Chibiusa

SOS whenever he encountered Usagi he would comment on her studying.

Very studious himself

Little confidence in his abilities especially when it comes to protecting Usagi

Gets kidnapped and brainwashed a lot.

Started falling for Usagi before he knew she was Sailor Moon

Very quick to initiate physical affection with Usagi

Killed by Kunzite and later revived

Legendary Golden Crystal

Psychometry powers

Tuxedo Mask: Crystal/manga

Basically Mamoru in a Tuxedo, mask and cape.

Dissapears like Batman sometimes

Actually doesn't wear his hat or mask too often

Often forced to fight Sailor Moon against his will.

Tuxedo La Smoking Bomber

Fell for Sailor Moon real quick

"My life means nothing if I can't use it to help you Usako"

Endo/Brainwashed Mamoru: Crystal/manga

Revived by Metalia because he was fricken dead

Only focused on getting the Legendary Silver Crystal

Was also tasked with killing Sailor Moon

Doesn't recognize or care about Usagi or the senshi

Throws Luna across the room

Commits identity fraud and takes the place of Motoki's friend

Has evil dark kingdom powers

Very very manipulative

Cold Red eyes

Ugly clothes

Mamoru: 90s anime

18 or something college student

Basically the hot and dreamy guy

Motoki's best friend

Insults Usagi and gets into fights with her but actually enjoys talking to her

Not aware he's Tuxedo Mask at SOS

When he does become conscious of it he's actually pretty cool and badass especially when he challenges Zoisite

Motorcycle, car and eternal green jacket

Interesting sense of fashion

Briefly dates Rei

Loves kids

Roses

Flare for dramatics

Prefers privacy when with Usagi

Gets flustered easily

Body shield go brrrr

Dies at the end of season 1 and is reborn in season 2 along with everyone else

Tuxedo Mask: 90s anime

Eloquent speeches about beauty

Dramatically flowing cape

Roses as darts

Never takes off mask and top hat

Honestly kinda ridiculous

Like a totally different person from Mamoru

Fights with a cane

Enters with signature theme song

Different entrance each time

Always saves Sailor Moon at the right time

Usually the one who tells Sailor Moon when to finish off the enemy

Walking meme

Dark Prince Endymion: 90's anime

A total douche

Brainwashed by Queen Beryl but just does things however the hell he wants

Flirts with Sailor Moon

Doesn't recognize Usagi

The only thing he knows is being Prince Endymion

Going after the rainbow crystals

Black turtle neck and sunglasses

Black roses

No powers. Just uses his palms and a sword.

Also transforms into Tuxedo Mask

Prince Endymion:

Pretty much the same in all versions.

90s throws roses and wears the Tuxedo Mask attire

Protective of Serenity

Ally to the Silver Millenium when the Earth's people attack

Very affectionate to Serenity

Sacrifices himself to save Serenity's life

I did this because I wanted to give appreciation to all sides of Mamoru Chiba. For as much as I may criticize the 90s anime, that Mamoru is equally as likeable and charming as manga/crystal. Plus manga Mamo isn't perfect either. Cuz where 90s Mamo is a little cold to Usa sometimes and doesn't always make the best decisions, Manga Mamo has incredibly low self esteem and keeps things from Usa so she isn't worried. They've both got their strengths and weaknesses!

TLDR: I love Mamoru Chiba a totally normal amount.

[triskhellion]

Awoo for You

@flashfictionfridayofficial

Rated T | ~1k | Teen Wolf | Derek Hale/Stiles Stilinski | Eurodance

@hargrove-taylorsversion and @dear-massacre are to blame for this. Inspired by this post and various groups from the 90s and early aughts.

Derek was walking down Galvanic Ave when an all too familiar beat tugged at the edge of his awareness. His fingers tapped against the side of his thigh before he realized what he was doing, the sound of synthesizers growing steadily louder. Clearer.

Wait, is that...?

A white car turned the corner several blocks away and was now coming towards him. He groaned. 

Derek tried to tune it out, but the closer it got the more impossible it became to ignore his cousin’s voice coming out of its crackling speakers.

My heart is rabbit for your fang My feelings sparkle boomerang I chase you in my head at night Your voice a music dynamite

He cringed waiting for what came next, his own gravely voice snarling through the open windows. 

Boom! Want run with me? Woods! So wild and free

Howl! I jump for you Awoo! Big fool at zoo

Kiss! No need to flee Gingivitis? Not with me!

Growl! Free me my dove Cuz grr Ulv equals luv!

Luv luv luv luv Dance dance dance dance Run run run run RAAAWWRRR!

Ten years later and that damn song still followed him everywhere. Online. In stores. His teasing packmates. It haunted his very dreams. Nowhere was safe it seemed.

The chorus trailed after the ancient Yugo as it finally passed by, Malia’s howling interspersed with more of what was once described as his “horny wolf pseudo-rapping.”

Awoooo! I do for you Awoooo! Special and true

Awoooo! Want to make sex? Awoooo! I bite you next

(Necks necks necks necks) Everybody full shift!

———

It was 1997 and the Hales were in Burgdorf, Idaho for that year’s gathering of the packs west of the Rocky Mountains. While the adults were hammering out alliances, mediating conflicts, and commenting on the weather or swapping venison recipes or whatever, he and half a dozen other teen wolves (and one 10 year old little sister) were goofing around with some audio equipment they found in one of the unoccupied cabins. 

First came make-shift karaoke and then they started coming up with their own songs. Derek had beta-shifted and was growling nonsense into the microphone over some instrumental Eurodance single out of a huge cd case. Cora was literally rolling on the floor and laughing so hard that tears streamed down her face as the rest of the group busted exaggerated dance moves. Then all of a sudden the others grew quiet and stilled, standing up straight.

When he looked behind him his uncle Peter was leaning in the doorway with a calculating expression on his face.

A few months later Derek’s hair was styled into thick blue spikes and he had a Danish persona: Anders GRR. Malia, or Meta Clawz, had the misfortune of being able to sing and got roped into it too, sporting natural brown pigtails in back, but bright red and platinum blonde bangs in front. Together they were Beast of Beats. 

They never actually toured and only released the one self-titled album with 9 tracks — Best Beta, Another Moon, Blue Eyed Joe, Be My Mate, ‘Mega Girl, Better Off a Lone, Super-Louper-Man, Rhythm Is an Alpha, and the inescapable Awoo for You — but the music video of the latter was a hit on MTV. Then came the flash animation that some fan made a few years after, which became one of the first viral clips. There were T-shirts and covers by award-winning musicians. Memes and references in popular tv shows over the years and…It. Just. Never. Went. Away. 

Thankfully, both he and Malia had their faces obscured by masks, swirls of paint, or “special effects” in the video so they weren’t recognizable by the general public. There was that much at least.

———

Derek trudged into the apartment and grabbed some water from the fridge, snorting at a note asking him to circle which movie he wanted to see that weekend: Hot Rod, Sunshine or The Bourne Ultimatum. He circled #2, but had a feeling he’d end up watching number #1 anyway.

He sank down onto the ugly orange couch with a sigh. Footsteps soon approached from the bedroom.

“Hey babe, how was—hey, what’s wrong?”

Derek shook his head, not sure how to start or if he even wanted to. He'd never mentioned the whole Beast of Beats thing to his boyfriend and as much as he wanted to vent he also liked having one person in his life that didn’t know, for however long that could last. It was only a matter of time before Stiles was fully introduced to his pack and then someone would let it slip.

The human walked over and flopped down sideways beside him, stretching his legs over Derek’s thighs and taking his right hand, caressing the back with his thumb. Warm, dark caramel eyes watched him closely.

“Hmm…you’re wearing your grumpy Anders face.”

Derek froze and then turned slowly to stare at him. 

“You know?”

Stiles raised an eyebrow and smirked.

“Dude, I’d recognize that growl anywhere.”

He blushed and looked away, mortified.

“Derek, it’s okay. You know how much I like it. I like the song too, but I noticed that it bothered you about the same time I figured out who you were so I left it alone. I want you to be able to talk to me about stuff, though.”

He smiled at and squeezed Stiles’ hand. “Thanks.”

“But now that the wolf’s out of the bag…”

Derek narrowed his eyes as the grinning young man leaned forward to whisper in his ear.

“Want to make sex?” 

He groaned and knocked his head against the back of the couch. Kisses peppered his face between peals of laughter.

“Sorry, I'm sorry babe. I’ve been holding that in for so long, you have no idea.”

Shaking his head, he pulled Stiles into his lap and kissed him back, nipping at his bottom lip. Grasping under a thigh and putting an arm around his back he then stood up, the human flailing briefly before wrapping legs around his waist and holding onto his shoulders. 

Nuzzling into that lovely dotted throat, Derek inhaled the increasing earthy-sweetness of arousal. 

“I bite you next,” he muttered against soft, flushed skin. 

“Necks necks necks necks!” chanted Stiles.

“Everybody full shift!” he growled, setting his beautiful, happy and amused boyfriend down on the bed and climbing on top of him.

Well, maybe the song wasn’t completely terrible after all. 

[enneamage]

There’s been some chatter about fanfic and after a quick look around some tags that I don’t visit a lot, I’m back to thinking about the consequences of repression and fandom sexuality again. Below the cut I’m going to talk about the way that parts of the fandom tend to hide themselves from their own motivations and the ways that sexuality tends to bubble up when people loose their self-awareness to the obsession with being “good.”

I think it’s important to define my terms up front, so I’ll say that ‘kink’ does not have to be literally explicitly sexual to be kink, I’ll be using it from here on as an umbrella term for highly intimate power dynamics and sensuality related to those dynamics. It’s like when a dominatrix walks someone like a dog, it’s not sex but something is clearly going on that’s creating a mood, and the people involved (and watching) are getting something out of it.

I’ll also throw out a 'not all fic that involves these tropes is this way' disclaimer as well, since being black-and-white about what is and isn’t allowed is what got us here to begin with. Some of this stuff comes down to things being greater than the sum of their parts and coming to intuition-based conclusions, which for a while I was putting on the back shelf because of how hard stuff like this is to talk about, but in light of some new developments I think it’s worth trying to explain my thinking.  

I think that there are fic tropes around SBI that have gone on for a while now that are over the line into kink territory. Back when Tommy was younger and the family dynamic was more of a meme playing out in real time, having him be the young adoptee made sense for plot reasons. He was projected on because he was the ‘protagonist’ as well as the same age as the audience, so he was the most convenient seat to sit in as a viewer/reader. What I wasn’t prepared for or expecting is the places where things haven’t changed over the years, or the way that time has flowed backwards for some people into even more extreme ‘caregiver’ situations. This has made me re-think some things that I’ve seen over time as being less coincidental than I thought, and becoming a bit concerned about the notorious ‘platonic’ blind spot in the fandom.

Honestly, I’ve been under the impression that people have been sublimating their wants for a while now when it came to SBI. I know that people argue all the time about ‘platonic’ physical affection but in the brief trips I’ve made into the ao3 tag there’s a suspiciously strong drive to get them to either coo over each other, be possessive of each other, sleep in the same bed or just touch each other a lot. I’ve seen short fics about animal hybrids being opportunities to engage in sensuality that people don’t have to feel guilty about writing because there’s no human equivalent so you can just. Rub someone. For a really long time. A lot of the above comes off as pre-sexual behavior for people who know what to look for, even though you could lawyer it into being fine from a technical perspective.

Over time there’s been a building, fairly motivated lack of self-awareness around what is and isn’t above board. I think this is a cycle that comes up because people want to make or see something, but don’t want to feel guilty or “bad’ or stop making it, so they defend it morally to avoid being attacked morally. “I don’t think they would do that, this is kind of incesty” becomes “Let men/families be Soft, you’re the weirdo for thinking this is weird.” People don’t have a developed sense of what feelings are on the sexuality spectrum and are discouraged from figuring them out because it would make them boundary-breaking sexualisers if it turned out that that’s what their motive was. Nobody wants to be labeled an evil pervert so people shut down and withdraw into whatever team will back them up while still getting what they want.

This community actually has a perfect example of what this lack of self-awareness eventually creates: Fellas I’m doing it, I’m talking about ‘mcyt tickle.’

The mcyt tickle community is a group that swears up and down that they are not sexual and they don’t want anything to do with shippers and they’re purely, exclusively 'platonic.' This community is focused on tickle dynamics, tickle content and tickle fic, and almost everyone in the community claims to be against shipping and very against ‘sexualization.’ People from minors to legal adults are all gathered in this space and sharing content that they are all really, really into. This space is a perfect mini-example of what scares me the most when a community is afraid to self-reflect, because I’ve been keeping loose tabs on them for a while with a question in mind:

How the hell did they get their hands on the language and habits of the tickle fetish community? And how did it ever get this big?

This group uses the terms Lee, Ler and switch, all of which are terms for what ‘role’ a person plays in the fic. These are lifted from the fetish scene, whether they know it or not. Some of them even avoid the word tickle, which is another tell because people who have fetishes will sometimes avoid even using the word for it since it’s so intense for them. Sometimes fetishes are so strong and innate that they completely replace the sex drive with the desire for the thing or scenario, so I would even call into question when people insist that they’re ‘not into anything except tickling,’ because that may well be the issue.

Somewhere along the way at least someone lied by omission, either to themselves or to somebody else, and it spread to people who range from minors to adults, all of whom swear that they stand completely against ‘sexualization’ and would never do such a thing. I do genuinely believe that at least some people in that community aren’t aware that they’re producing things in the style of fetish content, or that fetish doesn’t have to have anything to do with ‘normal’ sexual activity because that’s what makes it kink/a fetish—it’s a non-standard expression of sensuality that people have a fixation on. Kink is more than literal sex, and that’s where things get messy.

Back to “Family Dynamics,” you can imagine where I’m going with this. I think that the rein of the SBI family dynamic has accidentally installed a subsection of the fandom with a fixation on Tommy being the child character and Wilbur/Phil/Techno being caregiver characters in a way that if left unchecked starts to look like “Caregiver” / “Little” dynamics, but made even more literal by aging him down to whatever they see fit. Again, this isn’t everyone, but it’s enough people to notice by now, and you can imagine where the discomfort comes from when it’s done on main. The petplay community also get a shoutout if we’re covering all the bases, since pet shifter / “X animal hybrid" Tommy is also a high traffic concept, and he gets the caregiver/possessiveness treatment in that context as well.

I have been online for years, I know kink dialogue when I see it. Corny Dom voice can be heard from miles away. Mcyt tickle has it with fetish sprinkles, corny Dadbur can have it, dark SBI can tend toward it in romance novel level possessiveness, the menacingly or playfully possessive petname language is clear as day when it shows up. It’s designed to put emphasis on the possessive power gap and make the small one feel smaller and the big one feel bigger, that’s the payoff, that’s the intimacy that puts it over the line.

Caregiver little/pet dynamics are the millennial and zoomer kink relationship styles. I know you’ve seen those corny discord kitten memes, this is literally it. This is the call of the power dynamic, this is the compulsion, the fixation on ‘softness’ and intimacy and the contrasting power dynamic of being really really tiny and having intense dominant caregiver attention solely on them and their vulnerable littleness. It’s a dynamic based on something real (child or pet,) but it’s a caricature, and it’s a means to an end to create a power dynamic/effect to satisfy a need. It might not need to be literally sexual, but that fixation is coming from somewhere and feeding something.

I want to be clear that I’m not angry about this as much as I am aware of how awkward this position is for people. It’s obvious that these spaces have guilted people out of very normal feelings like age-typical crushes and attraction to people who it would be perfectly normal to find attractive. I wouldn’t be surprised if some of this content is to cope with the fact that people have been guilted into repressing more ‘normal’ sexual feelings into “enthusiasm about family dynamics.” I also know that not everyone is hiding something and some people really are here for gen fic, but it’s becoming clearer and clearer that not everyone has the tools to be honest with themselves or others.

There’s a massive consent issue that comes into play when people don’t know that what they’re looking at or participating in has crossed over into kink. Pushing the idea that some of this stuff is not only a morally safe thing but the only morally safe thing is coercive in ways that makes me nervous. I’ve seen people condemn shipping in the name of boundaries and then turn around to write blatant kink, the cognitive dissonance is huge, and I’m worried for the younger people who could be guilted into or fall for it because they also have a very literal understanding of sexuality.

I don’t think that these people deserve to get the firing squad for having wandered in this direction, especially if they didn’t really understand what they were doing, but I think it’s really important that people are allowed to talk about this stuff to get that self-awareness, otherwise we get another hiding-in-plain-sight fetish community situation. The issue is, people are afraid of questioning their own motivations because of how harsh the fandom can be, so they get in the habit of hiding from each other and themselves and keeping certain trends in motion. Still, I think it’s worth pointing out that this community is prone to self-deception and is very defensive in certain areas because of how much fear and shame exists around the topic of sexualization.

[yaboyhoney]

Could you write something about piers liking a gn reader that has autism and social anxiety? Like, he tries to gain their trust and make them as happy as they can be. Always looking out for them. I think that they wouldn't go to his concerts cause, big bad noise. Them being so excited over something they do the flappy hands, I think he would find it cute(I hope).

Wow, this is practically a self insert, I feel a little embarrassed. You can ignore this if it would be too much. I know learning about autism can be annoying to some people because of all the information you have to search for and read. So, please, ignore this if you don't want to write it, thank you^^

Piers x GN Autistic Reader

Not gonna lie, people are surprised when they learn about you being Piers' partner. Not to say that you're a particularly bad person or the wrong kind of partner, but because of your certain needs and limitations.

You sometimes have trouble looking at people in the eye. This dates back to your youth. You fortunately got a lot better at speaking with people through extensive vocal therapy classes though. You also get overwhelmed with sensory overload in particular scenarios. It varies. Sometimes the lights and loud music in stores are too much, it depends on how mentally prepared you are to be in there, but having a pair of sunglasses and noise cancelling headphones does help when some days get too harsh for you. You don't have a verbal tick, but you do stim from time to time. Typically you flap your hands in place or rock back and forth in a chair, but this is to indicate that you're in a good mood!

You can still hold a conversation, take relatively good care of yourself, and even work at a job. But just in case, you do have a therapy Pokemon. It's a Riolu, he comes with you everywhere you go. You unfortunately suffer from anxiety and though anxiety/panic attacks has lessened throughout the years due to your well managed coping mechanisms, help from support groups, and regular therapy, there might come across a time in which you need help. However, you live alone. So your Riolu is necessary to help prevent you from getting too close to dangerous situations.

Piers was checking out the local records shop when he found you there. There's only one record shop in the entire Galar region and it's themed like an old fashioned pub.

Piers doesn't really have a preference as to what kind of partner he desires, but admittedly you were very attractive and your Riolu wearing a vest that was labelled, "WORKING. THERAPY POKEMON," caught his interest.

Piers politely walked over and waved at you to get your attention, to which you turn around. He's not entirely aware as to why you can't look at him in the eyes but with the conversation you have with him, he finds you interesting enough to ask for your number.

You talk with him a lot over text and he gets to know more about your personality. You become more relaxed, cheery, and even playful as you share with him memes and images.

But when he tries to invite you to one of your shows, you politely decline and explain why. You have trouble being in crowded, overstimulating scenarios. You explain that you might suffer from an anxiety attack and didn't want him to see that.

He becomes more gentle after that. He doesn't invite you to his shows, but he's always showing you his new music because he loves your opinion. It's always shared safely in the comfort of your home or his.

Since he's not entirely sure of what your boundaries or limitations are, he's always asking for permission before he does ordinary things, like asking to hold your hand or to even hug you. Despite his broody and glum demeanor, he's quite the gentleman.

He starts to read a few books about autism after you two start dating. He wants to make sure he's doing things right. You swear you've never had a boyfriend as sweet as him, to which he scoffs, turns his head so you don't see his blush on his pale face.

He's a sweetheart and more importantly, he's yours.

[rxttenfish]

Mmm my love, what are some of your favorite things about Liam? Which other ROs work best as friends with him, and why?

Shipping meme.

the other ROs who work best as friends with liam is all of the ROs because they're all friends :)

ANYHOW FUCK YEAH I LOVE LIAM

he's!!!! so good!!! he was what got me into monprom (well, him and miranda...) for a reason and i still love him sosososo much. my beloved. my darling chewtoy. i want to eat him. i want to shake him until all the stuffing flies out of him and he dies forever. he's my fav and he gives me the cuteness aggression <3

first of all i just love his shitheadedness. like, he's designed to be a character who's easy to hate and be annoyed by and for him to do it with that snide confidence while also being so ridiculously ineffective and easily thwarted by his own rules and preferences that he sets that it's like watching him walk into rakes that he sat down. i adore a character who's their own punchline, who makes up their own silly rules and then has to deal with the consequences and just... opts to do that instead of realizing they made up these rules and they don't have to stick with them. or even knowing that, yes, they could just not have to deal with the consequences of their own made up rules, but no they don't want to. no one is making him do this. he has to do it anyways. it's wonderful. there's a reason him and polly are friends and its because of their mutual love of The Bit.

this is also why i rather like his just... entire stupid "holier than thou" attitude that so many other people seem to get tripped up on - because it's directly a farce. of course, it's a farce for the other characters this applies to as well, vera and miranda and damien are all equally as stupid as every other character in this series, but liam feels like the only one who's sincerely self-aware of that. he has gone on the spiritual journey. he has looked into himself. he knows this is stupid and dumb of him and he's not nearly as smart as anyone, especially not himself, makes him out to be. he will still act like it though.

why. why is he doing this. i mean part of it is, yeah, he doesn't actually want to let go of it and move on, but he has the flimsiest excuses for that and he knows it. but also i think he's just having a good time with it, tbh.

i've already mentioned before how liam is a confirmed masochist, and he's also among the characters who most talk about their fetishes, which is how i know this. he spends so much time talking about what he's into. you blackmail him and it's almost certainly a sex thing for him. as much as horny things come up, especially with other characters like polly, there's more detachment on their side, more plausible deniability. i like that liam just... lacks that. there's no plausible deniability about what he's getting out of this.

and god i just - i love characters where we can tell they're having a grand ol' time too, yaknow? this is also why i like miranda, where you can tell that she is playing up her own dramatic nature because it's fun for her (or she's using it to manipulate someone else), but liam absolutely goes the furthest with this. there's an aspect where he's so image-obsessed that he willfully becomes a parody of himself, parodying his own behavior and playing with it through the ups and downs, and this sets him out from all the other ROs to me. he's the character who most feels like there's a possibility that he's actually not having a bad time during failed events, and i LOVE that as just something on the table.

and the lore! the liam lore!! connecting him back to my dearest underutilized, underappreciated, underloved side characters, the coven!!! just... adding in his guilt and his effective need to make up for his past, for all that he's done, the suggestion that he's purposefully picking harmless things to do and a harmless personality for himself to inhabit on top of everything above? MWAH, wonderful, gorgeous, no further notes needed. i do still prefer him more with faith than joy exactly, but honestly this matters so much less to me than the complicated emotional milieu all of it leaves behind all the same.

the way that it mixes in with his genuine care of his friends and the way that he seems to act like the mom friend, fretting and worrying and caring about the others even if he tries not to show it. the way that liam can act as both as silly as everyone else, as much a part of the chaos as everyone else, and also as the straight man, as someone who is trying to maybe suggest them slow down a little. mwah mwah mwah. everything is so wonderful about liam it's genuinely hard to pick a favorite, he just has so much going on and such a rich inner world that it's hard to really have a bad time with him involved. i also just love his friendship with miranda and GOD i love how they all feel like friends. love it. love it so so much.

honestly i think the worst thing about liam is how much the latter games end up flattening him and making him boring, sticking way too much to the stereotypes and fanon, which should be considered a crime for a character that you just want to see flounce around no matter what happens to him.

anyhow <3 liam <3 im going to punt him into orbit like the football <3

[mosthomoeroticenemies]

The List

This is just a list of all the contestants, now I must go make the round one matchups (I have no idea how long that will take, bear with me please)

There’s 186 contestants so putting it under a read more

Papyrus - Undertale

Sans - Undertale

Jack Skellington - Nightmare Before Christmas

Brook - One Piece

Skelly -Hades

Skeletor - He-Man

Skeleton - Minecraft

Lewis Pepper - Mystery Skulls

Grim - The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy

Héctor Rivera - Coco

Itward - Fran Bow

Ghost Rider - Marvel Comics

Skulduggery Pleasant - Skulduggery Pleasant

Death - Discworld

Lord Hater - Wander Over Yonder

Smitty Werbenjagermanjenson - Spongebob Squarepants

Skelita Calaveras - Monster High

Señor Hueso - Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

Mr. Skully Pettibone - Scary Godmother

Gaster - Undertale

Skull Boy - Ruby Gloom

Real Magic Skeleton - OK K.O.! Let's Be Heroes

Dry Bones - Mario

Spooky Scary Skeletons - Silly Symphonies: The Skeleton Dance

Dr Bones Cookie - Cookie Run Ovenbreak

Manny Calavera - Grim Fandango

Kravitz - The Adventure Zone

Bonejangles - Corpse Bride

Benrey - Half Life VR but the AI is Self Aware

Harrowhark Nonagesimus - Harrow the Ninth

Sans - Deltarune

Dry Bowser - Mario

Mamá Imelda Rivera - Coco

Houndstone - Pokemon

Rexy - Night at the Museum

Ainz Ooal Gown - Overlord

King Clawthorne - The Owl House

Clackula - My Singing Monsters

The Lich - Adventure Time

Skeletons - Skyrim

Benny - Halloweentown

The Skull - The Last Unicorn

Skellinore - My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic

The Dinosaur Skeleton - Dog Man

Zans - Going Under

Skul - Skul: The Hero Slayer

Ernesto de la Cruz - Coco

Royal Dominguez - Inscryption

The Skeleton Appears - The Skeleton Appears

Bonehilda - The Sims

Scraps - Corpse Bride

The Titan - The Owl House

Hector Barbossa - Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl

Skeleton Horse - Minecraft

Samukai - Lego Ninjago

Oshare Bones - Puyo Puyo

Master Warden Palamedes Sextus - Harrow the Ninth

Skull Man - Mega Man

Cubone - Pokemon

Trazyn the Infinite - Warhammer 40,000

Death - Soul Eater

Lady Bone Demon - Lego Monkie Kid

Bone Fairies - Meme

Twelve Foot Skeleton - Twelve Foot Skeleton

Mr Death - Adventure Time

Bone Dragon - Dragonvale

Skeleton Horse Jockey - Minecraft

Skull - The Daily Object Show

Skeletons - Spy Kids 2

Skeletons that tried to kill Mr Krabs - Spongebob Squarepants

Skull on the Mantelpiece - Sherlock

Lerexus Novation - Elder Scrolls Online

Bone Monk - DUSK

The Augur of the Obscure - Elder Scrolls Online

No Name - Skeleton Soldier Couldn't Protect the Dungeon

Mortis - The Clowns SMP

Skull with Party Hat - It's Time For Comics

Yorick - Hamlet

Skeleton - The G Keyboard

Environmentally Storytelling Toilet Skeleton - Various Post-apocalyptic Games

Skeleton - Oblivion

Atavist - Slap City

Gravelord Nito - Dark Souls

Xykon - The Order of the Stick

Death - Puppet History

Bones Malone - Tumblr

Stallord - The Legend of Zelda: Twilgiht Princess

Santa Claus - Puppet History

Poco - Brawl Stars

The Lost Skeleton of Cadavra - The Lost Skeleton of Cadavra

Just Walk Out! - The Meme

Nakarkos - Monster Hunter

Skeleton - Morrowind

Caged Skeletons - Stardew Valley

Arc - Skeleton Knight in Another World

Banjaw - My Singing Monsters

Pip's Skull - South Park: The Stick of Truth

Gregor - The Adventures of Puss in Boots

Heisenbones - Breaking Bad

Death - Gregory Horror Show

Greg the Grim Reaper - Conker's Bad Fur Day

Skeleton - Crypt of the Necrodancer

Skeleton - Danny Phantom

Pariah Dark's entire skeleton army - Danny Phantom

La Muerte - The Book of Life

La Calavera Catrina - Mexican culture

Mr. Holbrooke - Little Witch Academia

Bart without his flesh - The Simpson's

Honda - Skull-Face Bookseller Honda-san

The Boneraiser - Boneraiser Minions

David S. Pumpkins' Backup Dancers - Saturday Night Live

Bonesy - Gorillaz

Skeleton - "What's a skeleton's favorite snack?"

Décor and his husband - Tumblr user liquidstar's brother's room

Toumaï - Paleontology

Princess Rita - Once Upon a Tower

The Grim Reaper - The Sims

Elias Ainsworth - The Ancient Magus' Bride

Fabro the Necromancer - Slim Gretina's Grumpy Shark - Absurd Extravaganza

Death - Horrible Histories

Mind-Boggling Effects - Playstation

Mortaccio - Vampire Survivors

Halloween Novelty Pencil  - Halloween 2016

The Skeleton Head - Lockwood & Co.

Captain Bones - Crashbox

Skullastic Superintendents - Monster High

Wither - Minecraft

Stray - Minecraft

Skelly - Monster High

Bonesy - Monster High

Grim - DanTDM

Bone - Aib

High Lord Wolnir - Dark Souls 3

Christmas tree skull - Real Life

Skeleton - Gravity Falls

Me the poll maker - The Near Future

Mr Bones- Mr Bones

Lego Skeleton - Lego

Kruncha and Nuckal - Lego Ninjago

Spider Jockey - Minecraft

The Lernaen Hydra - Hades

Skeleton Champion - Oblivion

The Skulkin - Lego Ninjago

The Nightmare King - Dimension 20: Fantasy High (Sophomore Year)

Queen Elizabeth 2 - England

Stalnox - Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild

Stalkoblins - Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild

The Skeletons - My Closet

Lord Death Man - DC Comics

Cadaver Cain - Skulduggery Pleasant

Your Own - Your Body

Righty - The Lone Necromancer

Count von Dy - The Mystery of Greveholm

Skull and Bones - Skull Chapel in Czermna

Sedlec Ossuary skeletons - Real Life

Gary the Necromancer - DnD campaign

Manolo Sanchez - The Book of Life

Death - Cultural

Boneknapper - How to Train Your Dragon

Hooty - The Owl House

Monk Gyatso - Avatar: The Last Airbender

Skullgreymon - Digimon

Inaccurate Animal Skeleton Decoration - Home Depot

Skeleton - Bones Album Cover

Skeleton-T - Puyo Puyo

Skeletron - Terraria

Mr. Saturday - Skeleton Boomerang

Da Vinci - Ghost Stories

Milo Belladonna - Monster Camp

Bones the Skeleton - Skyrim Mod user jarrodrey99

Reaper (Gabriel Reyes) - Overwatch

Szarekh The Silent King - Warhammer 40,000

Calliope - Homestuck

Jared Hopworth - The Magnus Archives

Hexxus - FernGully: The Last Rainforest

Rem - Death Note

Grimm - Grimm's Hollow

Decay Dragon - Dragonvale

Melting - Nuclear Throne

Duskull - Pokemon

Bona - My Singing Monsters

Death Phantom - Sailor Moon

Charon - Hades

Necrodeus - Kirby: Mass Attack

Jimothy - Elsewhere University

Blight - Batman Beyond

[lawlznet]

State of the Meme 2023

Content Warnings: Depression, Death, SH, Hatred, a lot of self deprecation What follows is an explanation and also rant about why I haven’t been online for this entire month. If you’d just like to skip down to what I’m planning to do in 2024, scroll all the way down to where the line break is.

---

Hey everyone, Lawler here. This is the “State of the Meme” for 2023 and for the purposes of this post, I will be speaking out of character; as myself, not the vtuber.

This has not been a good year for me and it is with bated breath that I look forward to the next one. As some of you may be aware, my father fell ill in late September, suffering cardiac arrest and other diagnoses besides. His chances of survival, much less recovery, were slim given his age and the extent of his complications, but in a series of miracles that I hope to not take for granted for the remainder of his, and my, natural life, he recovered enough to be transferred to a nursing home, and then back to our home. Few of his complications remain and we optimistically foresee him returning to his “pre-accident” state sometime halfway next year. In the days since he returned, around the week of my birthday in early December, he has already recovered enough to move around the house on his own- to feed himself (via a tube connected to his stomach), to prepare his own medications, and to slowly retake ownership of household duties that had fallen to me in the months passed- paperwork and such. Prior to this blog post, it was nearly impossible for me to find time away from assisting him; even our previously late evening streams or early morning and afternoon were not a sure bet, and in fact I had to cancel my participation in a stream on my birthday for this reason.

It is with cautious optimism that things may stabilize enough in my household, to where I could possibly return to vtubing with the regularity I afforded before.

But before that can happen, I have a number of things to talk about first.

I feel like I’ve walked with death all the course of my life, and that does not just include attending one too many funerals for family members, both young and old, or that of friends and acquaintances whom either had theirs taken, or had taken their own. I generally treat the concept as the great unifier of all people, regardless of race, creed, sexuality, or any other descriptor we may use to divide ourselves from one another. It is the one great certainty and on some level, I like to think that I give the concept more weight than most.

Then I find myself spending hours doomscrolling, consuming thread after thread of outrage over strangers I had never met, and only learned hours before. A-drop-in-a-bucket hot celebrity name does something immensely stupid, either intentionally or unintentionally, and I join the lamentation that someone with so much apparent wealth and status can afford to be so flippant. Sometimes I’ll even repost OP or bits and pieces of the thread, telling myself that these individual statements, crammed into 280 or 300 characters, are somehow so poignant so as to redeem the discussion; and that by not mentioning their names, I am somehow not adding to the problem.

The problem of using my platform to further magnify people who we spend a whole lot of words discussing as “evil...” and for what?

Is it fun? Do I feel better about myself? Does anyone, besides the subject, benefit from my “contribution?”

No.

I was depressed before I burned those hours away. My employment is shaky and in a side universe I might have been laid off. I rarely have time for myself anymore that isn’t in the wee hours before getting out of bed or the minutes before falling asleep from exhaustion. And I chose to spend it on reading about how someone I claim I don’t care about did something “horrible,” or at least mildly uncomfortable- about how a country somewhere is doing bad things to people they claim are bad, or “as bad,” or, nowadays, without any sort of justification- and when I’m not doom-consuming, I complain to myself that I don’t have enough time for anything.

That I hate everything.

And well,

I’m not wrong.

But I’ve had this conversation before. I’ve complained about it before, online and on social media and in private discords, and I’ve even, in my continuing hypocrisy, chided others about it. I might try to make myself feel better by telling myself, “oh, well you see...”

“Social media is a ‘necessary part of my job.’”

“You *must* expose yourself to constant, attention grabbing toxicity, and participate in its accumulation- its dissemination, its detached, virtue signaling, people pleasing, mock-outrage generating content creation.”

As opposed... to someone who just, reads reddit, screengrabs accounts with sub two digit readership with obnoxiously bad takes, watches political discourse tiktoks and uncited youtube video essays; yes, you see, surely these people and their misery are entirely *self* inflicted, as opposed to myself, who is “mandatorily” victimized, right?

It’s bullshit.

I hate it.

And so it follows that I must *also* hate myself.

Because I participated in it.

So,

I’m going to try to stop.

Prior to this I never publicized, but internally created some rules for how I interact with this “content” and the people who produce it. Most, I believe, are not intentionally malicious. We are just the successful products of an inherently evil industry; living proof that everything is working exactly as intended.

The only way out is to break the cycle, and in order to do so... I almost always avoid, and if necessary mute, or block, anyone who:

1) Makes generalizing, sweeping statements of an entire group of people,

2) Issues ultimatums on their public facing social media accounts,

3) Anyone who regularly disparages any group of people, especially people whom they are supposed to be a part of- e.g. anyone who regularly harps about “how terrible the vtuber community is,” without the slightest bit of introspection.

For the sake of my own mental stability and to gradually wind down my own involvement in making the internet a worse place, I have decided that beginning in 2024, I will:

1) Reduce or completely eliminate reposting, replying to, or commenting on, any political or negative thread of which I am not directly or indirectly involved, or are not a subject matter expert or hobbyist.

2) Remove all feeds, block or ignore all search terms, and avoid discussing or entertaining any of the above subjects in any capacity outside of private conversations.

3) If necessary, mute, unfollow, or block accounts which only seem to exist to further spread the above content.

As some of you know, I am a cyberpunk influencer and consider myself a “cyberpunk” outside of my online personas. I’ve also recently dipped my toes into the world of Linux and am eager to dive into the worlds of cybsec and opsec beyond browser addons and lists of FOSS programs. I’ve been into this subculture for the majority of my life and I don’t see that changing anytime soon; nor will I censor content that I deem directly or inherently related.

There’s a sheer cliff of difference between merely complaining about celebrities and a toxic online culture and explaining not just how, but *why* it is in your best interest to avoid or defeat these things. Within weeks of a certain major social media website’s fall from grace, a number of user created addons were developed to make said website’s use tolerable (OldTwitter by Dimden as an example); Youtube’s attempts at forcing adblock users to turn off their extensions ironically vastly improved these extensions (uBlockOrigin), and both of these addons, in addition to their “obvious” case use, have further ramifications for the end user than simply complaining about Former Billionaire 9000 and The Evil Company.

For one thing, it’ll save you money in the form of not clicking on malicious advertisements or shelling out a monthly subscription for something you could have gotten for free. But I digress.

These changes are a long time coming, and I apologize to the people whom I long promised I would “avoid” these things... only to return to them when it was convenient, or when I told myself that “this is a special exception,” or when I didn’t care, when I should have. You know who you are.

I’ll most likely fuck up again and find myself having this conversation with myself or in the illusory safety of a chatroom.

But you see... I’m in my mid thirties. And while its true that I have these conversations with myself and others, all the time, and I regularly beat myself up and hate myself for my participating in the “culture,” the truth is... every day, I am more and more grimly reminded, of what little time I have to do things I actually want with my life.

Of how my perception of time seems to be speeding up. Of how little potential time I fear I might have. I don’t just mean the possibility of the Four Horsemen riding and causing such an orgy of misery that will make the last ten years look like Christian cis heteronormative missionary with clothes on and the lights off. I mean the fact that it is atypical for my household to travel to family gatherings in individual vehicles, and that on that evening in September, it was only through sheer chance that we decided to attend my niece’s birthday party individually- that my mother had to be hospitalized for an illness herself, and that I, for reasons I don’t even remember, chose to drive on my own. If this had been any other evening, my father may have had a heart attack while we were all together in the family SUV. On a highway.

And as spooky as that scenario is, every time I get on the road, or even walk down my own street, I think about the possibility of dying. Maybe someone’s in a hurry and wasn’t paying attention while merging onto my lane. Maybe someone’s drunk. Maybe someone needed a twenty and thought they’d rob this weirdo walking around the streets at night and weren’t expecting a fight. Even when you set aside all the political, worldly garbage that trad-media constantly shits down the throat of an unwilling (and sometimes masochistic) boomer populace, you aren’t guaranteed whatever illusion of stability and peace you have right here and now. It could change as easily as the wind blows. And I think I am so tired... of burning so much of my life on shit that has done little for me except to make me upset, when I could have so much, much more to be upset about in the next few minutes.

I walk with death every minute of my life.

If possible, I’d like my last memory to be doing something I actually give a crap about. Or talking with, or about someone that I admire or care about. I don’t think I ever thought those experiences were a waste of time.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Thank you for reading this far. And now, for changes that actually apply to my “real” content moving forward... (as in, actually applies to you because last I checked, I’m a vtuber, not a vtweeter or a vskeeter or whatever the shit they call it these days...) I’ve worked in corporate for too long. Even if it’s a long shot or doesn’t make that much money, I really feel like a career in the entertainment and art-space is a better occupation to strive for than pushing paper in the universally and permanently depressing healthcare industry.

I’ll keep streaming video games and fighting games will always be part of that routine, but for reasons I don’t understand, I’ve neglected first person shooters. That changes now. (I hope the kind of Doom y’all like are the video game kinds.)

I am in the process of dipping my toes into youtube short form videos and will be uploading some cringey garbage to just about everywhere except Twitter, because of changes to their terms of service which potentially gives total ownership of my IP to the website. Fuck that.

I miss virtual reality.

Those vroid comics take a ridiculously long time to make but god do I enjoy doing it.

I am greatly reducing my usage of Twitter, Bluesky, and Mastodon, aside from announcement posts. Twitter is nearly unusable even with a subscription and unlike Bluesky and Mastodon (which... are basically the same thing) are bereft of the tools necessary for curating my experience and Making Me Less Wanting To Kill My Self. So yeah, Fuck Twitter. But what else is new.

I don’t know what I was thinking when I designed this blog the way I did and by the time you read this, I’ve probably reset it to be a lot easier to read on the eyes, at the cost of not looking as “cool.” I’m going to be making fiction writing a priority again. I have some vtuber tabletop campaigns to write up and then to run.

If I don’t successfully finish in time for Christmas and New Year’s, I wish everyone a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

I don’t have a timeline of when I’ll be able to stream consistently again. Thank you for your patience with me.

Love,

Lawler Hix

[bloodredfeathers]

Songs I Associate With Obey Me Characters

(I tried to explain why but it was difficult to put some into words 🥲)

💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥

Lucifer:

When The Seasons Change - Five Finger Death Punch (specifically how he feels about MC)

Mammon:

Money - LISA (I can just imagine him twerking on his pool table in sunglasses with LED lights flashing around him to this song while money rains from his ceiling)

Rich People $hit - Your Favorite Martian (meme song about money for meme man about money)

Leviathan:

Sink Away - Blixemi (I'm literally writing a Leviathan x Reader angst based on this song on Wattpad lmao y'all should read it fr 👀👀)

Welcome To The Internet - Bo Burnham (do I need to explain?)

Satan:

Cradle To The Grave - Five Finger Death Punch (lol bois been a menace to society ever since birth)

Asmodeus:

Keep Riding Me - Jake Hill (gae sex)

IWSS - Delli Boe (more gae sex)

Beelzebub:

Food, Glorious Food - Oliver! The Musical (Don't even question it)

Belphegor:

Nowhere To Run - Stegosaurus Rex (lol murder)

Diavolo:

Surface Pressure - Jessica Darrow (please just let the man live his life let him have his Youthful Fun™)

Barbatos:

Are You Satisfied? - Marina And The Diamonds (all bro wants in life is to serve Diavolo wtf like bro are you fr satisfied?)

Simeon:

Walk Away - Five Finger Death Punch (lol fallen angel Simeon AU where MC ain't too happy and it's a songfic based on this song is almost all I ever think about)

Luke:

Make A Cake - Minecraft Parody of Katy Perry's "Wide Awake" (I had to and I am not sorry)

Muffin Time - RoomieOfficial and asdfmovie8 (muffins :D)

The Muffin Song! - asdfmovie and Schmoyoho (more muffins :D)

Solomon:

A Thousand Years - Christina Perri (Lmao old man)

Raphael:

You're The Inspiration - Chicago (sweet sweet bby he's such a lover boy fr)

Thirteen:

Daisy - Ashnikko (she gives bad boss bitch vibes and I'm here for it)

BONUS!

Lilith:

One Not Two - Blixemi (just listen to it, it's self explanatory)

💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥

Yes, I'm aware of how many Five Finger Death Punch songs there are. Don't question it 🙈

[ultraericthered]

So, uh... Lazytown was a thing during my adolescent years, but for me, only a thing I was aware of rather than a thing I was into. Even years later as I was becoming an adult and it had a revival, I only knew it through The Memes(TM). But late last year, partially on a whim and partially because August this year will mark the fifth anniversary of when a truly special, wonderful, and irreplaceable human being named Stefan Karl Stefansson tragically left this world, I decided to give Magnus Scheving’s original Icelandic stage play Áfram Latibær! and its direct sequel Glanni Glæpur í Latabæ (which introduced Stefansson as Glanni/Robbie) a watch. The first one was unironically fun but also super hokey and cheap in a lot of ways. The sequel was superior in almost all ways. Both of them got me in the mood to give a look to the TV show and see what I’d slept on (ha ha) for so long.

After having watched a few episodes here and there, I can say that this show...is basic. That’s really the best word for it. Worse childrens shows have been made, but better ones exist as well. Sometimes the writing is solid and will get a laugh out of me, other times it’s just dumb and eyeroll-inducing. I’m not a fan of the puppet characters and kind of check out when the focus is on them, the song and dance numbers can be hit or miss, Stephanie’s pretty cool when played by Julianna Rose Mauriello rather than Chloe Lang (more the material’s fault than Lang’s, she was a better Stephanie in her TikTok videos), and on that note I’m not even touching the Cartoonito Era of the show beyond the meme-worthy Robbie Rotten content it gave us. Also, how dare the show leave out Officer Obtuse, that is a crime!

But none of that matters because this post is really about the two characters pictured above - Robbie Rotten, played by the late and great Stefan Karl Stefansson, and Sportacus, played by Magnus Scheving himself. These two are what make the series for me. In the plays and the show, they’re the strongest elements. The actors’ portrayal of them is obviously a huge part of it (seriously, how the Hell was I sleeping on Robbie for so long? The guy’s legit hilarious!), but there’s something deeper that strikes me about them - they’re the best example of a Role Model VS an Anti Role Model I’ve ever seen.

What I mean by that is that Sportacus is the guy you like, you root for, and want to emulate in life. He’s there to make kids want to get more active, eat healthier, and make wiser life choices. Hell, he makes me want to get more active, eat healthier, and make wiser life choices! His athleticism and acrobatic abilities are like I’ve not seen since John Stork AKA Hyper-Strike on Who Wants To Be A Super Hero?, and his positive attitude and affable personality marks him as the Good Guy, the one you wish you could be like. ...But there’s always that awareness in the back of your mind that unless you are a very dedicated and talented pro gymnast like Magnus is, you will never be anywhere near as cool. You can follow in Sportacus’ footsteps but you cannot actually walk in them, it’s beyond you. Meanwhile, you’ve got Robbie Rotten, the guy you boo and hiss and enjoy watching as he gets thwarted, ridiculed, and bested every time he gets up to no good. You like him because he’s funny and not all that evil or dangerous (in the show, I mean - OG Glanni Glæpur was quite a different story), but do NOT want to emulate him and his lifestyle because it’s not at all subtle that he’s in the wrong, that sloth and gluttony are sins not to be encouraged in children. ...And yet, if you’re to be honest with yourself, you either know this guy or are this guy. You identify more with Robbie than with Sportacus because aside from the Jim Carrey-esque cartooniness and villainy, he’s more feasible. Any child could prefer to live more like how he does, and carry those preferences well into adulthood. It may not be healthy, but it’s easy, relaxing, self-gratifying and comfortably routine. Even if you’re better adjusted, you can’t help but find Robbie to be relatable in various ways at various points. Your want to not be like him is in part because you recognize in yourself qualities that he displays.

Yeah so basically I stan. These are iconic and immortal characters for a damn good reason.  

[0azrae7]

@swanlock asked: " i'm surprised you waited. "

i can't get it open! forget it. go. now. damn... sorry, man. go! / / no one fights alone. his throat near collapses at the sight of her. brows subconsciously furrowed and form set like stone. there's an intense urge to check her over, to insist on assessing for damage or injury. are you injured? did they do anything to you? she'd not been gone for more than a handful of hours, no more than half a day — having successfully given her abductors the slip. he assumes, at least. can't imagine they willingly let her go. not with the promised prices her father tended to put out for her capture and / or return.

it leaves a sickeningly familiar sensation in his chest, perched on one of his organs like a bird in a cage. perhaps he should merely be grateful his father never did hand him over to total strangers for the price of one full needle or a couple of lengthy drags. that's not to say, even at as young as eight years old, he didn't know full well that he had it in him. left at the pool table or in the company of hodgson at the bustling bar. vulnerable to wandering eyes and hands, predatory and verging on inebriated. he should just be thankful that, if he ever did encounter someone crossing a line back then, he didn't remember it.

highlights hodgson as somewhat of a hero, back then. mind you, in a twisted way it'd certainly been a simpler time — of knowing who his enemies were, that is. i'm surprised you waited, comes amy's flat response to their reunion and he feels troubled by the remark. is she? does she mean that? maybe he'd not done enough yet, to prove his loyalty. perhaps it's a jest, a derisive display of self-deprecation. maybe he's overthinking it too fucking much. but it triggers memories in him long-since set aside. of how easily they'd left him. men he'd been prepared to put his life on the line for. damn... sorry, man. how three words of defeat had led to his burial. suddenly becomes aware of the dirt rattling in his lungs with every focused breath.

          " you good? " it doesn't serve to express his previous concern and, ultimately, distress over her disappearance. a single divide in his attention and she was gone. it won't happen again. can't keep his gaze from scanning her. " where are they? " maybe once she's safe he can find them, pay them a visit. knows that if the price is right... then the muzzle of his gun will resolve any hankering for a potential pay out. a skeletal hand rises and gestures for her to walk beside him. better they keep moving. after a few good steps, he says quietly, " i'll always wait. " / meme.

[evelhak]

!! ship ask meme: can i see either kagakuro or aomomoi :3

No, actually I'd prefer you see both because I love them. 😇

(in case anyone cares, some of these are spoilers for my TOTverse.)

KagaKuro

Who said “I love you” first

Kagami. They were both kind of unsure what the right time to say it would be but Kagami just cracked first.

Who would have the other’s picture as their phone background

Kagami would want to but he would be too embarrassed that others would see it. Kuroko might have a funny picture like Kagami with tiger ears or something that isn't obviously romantic and can be interpreted as merely an attempt to torment Kagami should someone see it.

Who leaves notes written in fog on the bathroom mirror

There's no way Kuroko wouldn't at least once leave a horror movie style note at a time Kagami was in the shower and unaware Kuroko was in his apartment. However, Kagami would realise it was Kuroko in about three seconds. Kagami would be the one to leave a cheesy note or two at a point in the future when he gets over himself.

Who buys the other cheesy gifts

Kagami would more easily slip into a truly cheesy gift realm when he's not self-conscious and gets all up in his feelings. Kuroko would be more aware of where the line goes, and more intentional about nuance and connotations so he would never be as cheesy as Kagami is at his worst. But most of the time Kagami is just sweet, though. I always loved the idea of him giving Kuroko a safety reflector that read "stay visible".

Who initiated the first kiss

Kuroko. (I kind of drew it already.) He wouldn't have done it if Kagami hadn't been obviously about to confess and then suddenly change his mind, leaving Kuroko too frustrated to let the moment pass.

Who kisses the other awake in the morning

Both but not frequently.

Who starts tickle fights

Neither because Kuroko hates it and Kagami basically loses all his will to annoy Kuroko as soon as they start dating.

Who asks who if they can join the other in the shower

Kuroko, since Kagami is too embarrassed to do something like that for a long time, but when he gets over it (probably after years of being together) I'm sure he's not gonna ask, he'll just walk in.

Who surprises the other in the middle of the day at work with lunch

Okay this is kind of far in the future since my fic still hasn't graduated high school (though it will soon) but I think neither because I don't think their work life will exactly make something like that easy.

Who was nervous and shy on the first date

It's hard to pin down their first date since they were already spending most of their time together as friends who slowly grew towards dating, but they were both nervous and shy ever since they began to realise their relationship was changing.

Who kills/takes out the spiders

Kuroko just lets them live in the house, after all they take care of far more annoying bugs. Unless there's someone around who can't handle seeing a spider, in which case he would take it out. Kagami wouldn't really care either I think, except when he's in a mood and everything gets on his nerves, then he would just step on them out of irritation. But then he would feel bad later and next time he would take the spider out, until he got too irritated again.

Who loudly proclaims their love when they’re drunk

Kagami.

AoMomo

Who said “I love you” first

Hmm. It was more like Momoi said "I knew you loved me!" and Aomine managed to express agreement so I'm not exactly sure.

Who would have the other’s picture as their phone background

Aomine. Momoi might have a picture they're both in, for a while, but then she would snap out of it and not want to be such an embarrassing couple.

Who leaves notes written in fog on the bathroom mirror

Momoi, not because she genuinely feels like expressing her feelings that way, but because she knows it embarrasses and secretly pleases Aomine.

Who buys the other cheesy gifts

I think they both buy rather practical gifts with varying degrees of emotion in them, so I don't really see either as easily cheesy. Momoi might again do it to annoy Aomine at some specific context, like if she thought he was being too broody about something, just to get a reaction out of him. Aomine's objectively cheesy moves would be so serious that they wouldn't really seem that cheesy.

Who initiated the first kiss

Aomine, because the alternative was to continue to speak about his feelings which was already really hard on him.

Who kisses the other awake in the morning

Both but Aomine does it when he wants to be gentle and Momoi does it when she wants an outlet for her feelings.

Who starts tickle fights

Momoi because Aomine is ticklish.

Who asks who if they can join the other in the shower

They don't really ask. The one who was already in the shower would just tell the other to get in there.

Who surprises the other in the middle of the day at work with lunch

I'm not sure their work situation would be ideal for that either but obviously Momoi, and certainly she would find a way even if she was busy. I'm also sure she will eventually get better at cooking. Aomine would return the favour by taking her out to eat in the middle of the day sometimes.

Who was nervous and shy on the first date

Neither. Actually they were both kind of mad at each other.

Who kills/takes out the spiders

Neither of them like bugs so they play rock-paper-scissors or something to determine who has to kill it this time.

Who loudly proclaims their love when they’re drunk

Aomine.

I hope you enjoyed that! 🫶

ship asks

[the-banana-0verlord]

1, 2, 21, 23, 25 for the oc ask meme!!!!

Thanks kei! You didnt say which ocs so im gonna do them all (when i have ideas) >:D

1.What memory would your OC rather just forget?

Lilian: it's easy, she forgot everything before nrc 😂

Marcus: it would be every memory of his parents congratulating his brother for something while he got a scolding.

Raphael: it would be when he saw hist first animal die. It was very painful when he realized his hair could not heal it.

Andric: it's when he got told he could not model again. He still regrets his freak accident.

Walter: it's (almost) his entire life. He got anxiety like that and overthinks

Dahab: he prefers to live in the present, embracing every one of his memories. After all, they shape who he is today.

2.What's something about your OC that people wouldn't expect just from looking at them?

Lilian: Honestly, looking at how small and generally noodly she is, people DEFENITELY don't expect she survived and helped defeat seven overblots, including the one of one of the strongest mages on the planet.

Marcus: Seeing how much he acts like a bully and a thug, people couldn't possibly assume he's the most straight A student who follows rules to a T(except in the terms of like. be respectful lol)

Raphael: I don't think someone would guess how pained and introverted he is deep down. He always appears with a bubbly smile, but he is way more mature than he lets on.

Andric: tbh this one is layers. he looks responsible, acts vain, but is still very much responsible. Depends on if you're observant enough.

Dahab: its not easy to guess how gentle he is with small creatures when he looks so intimidating

21.Does your OC have any illnesses or disorders? How do they handle it?

Lilian is amnesic, Andric has a limp and hip pain from a freak accident(he walks with a cane) and Walter has diagnosed anxiety.

Lilian handles it pretty well, but she has some identity crisis once in a while.

Andric's accident put an end to his model life, which caused him a lot of pain, but as a doctor physically he handles it perfectly.

Walter? He tries to stop his anxiety as much as he can. He sees a therapist once a week and has a lot of breathing techniques for his panic attacks.

23.What emotion is the hardest for your OC to process? How about express?

Lilian: I would say hatred. Lilian is a naive, trusting person who tries to see the good in people. It takes a lot to anger her, and even more to make them hate you. And when she expresses it, it's mostly by ignoring the person.

Marcus: Genuine regret and saying sorry lol??? Dude is pure spite and is NOT self-aware.

Raphael: Like Lilian, he's a naturally good-willed person. While he wishes to be alone most of the time, he doesn't hate easily. He rather resignates himself.

Walter: Honestly, he has trouble with genuine happiness. His anxiety always come to hunt him down and make him overthink, so he's very closed off.

Dahab: Dahab is extremely stubborn, so making him admit he was wrong is difficult. He will struggle to show remorse because he thinks all he does is right.

25.What is your favorite thing about your OC?

Lilian: Honestly, she's my first twst OC and my self-insert, so I'm way more attached to her. I think I like how she's basically me but better.

Marcus: i like to picture him as a tsundere boyfailure i love this side of him.

Raphael: I think i like the hobbies i gave him and his aspirations clashing with what people expect of him. It adds some depth.

Andric: second first twst oc, i like how ive made him into a father. Also he's basically the most reliable teacher in NRC.

Walter: I like his unique magic. Imo its the most original of the bunch.

Dahab: i find his tendency to bury himself hilarious. Like you could trip and think its a rock or something bur no its his head.

Tagging: @iabsolutelylovedragons @xen-blank @thehollowwriter (please tell me if you want to be added or removed from the tag list!!)

[gecko-in-a-can]

for the oc meme: 4, 9, 11 & 19 for Riggs! c:

!!!! Omg thank you! :D!

4 how crafty/resourceful are they?

Riggs is a fairly out-of-the-box thinker! Though more in an ‘Occam’s razor’ sense than through any larger schemes. He prefers things to be handled quickly and safely. Talking is always going to be his first choice of course, but if it comes down to it he’s willing to try just about any trick if he thinks it could work.

9. Favorite food? Least favorite? are they a picky eater? Do they have any dietary restrictions?

Riggs LOVES sweet foods. Fruits to candies to baked things, he loves it all. The only issue being that he can’t have anything cold, at least not very cold, as he’s prone to headaches and brain freeze will set one off immediately.

11. What do they have in common with you? How are they different? Would you get along with them?

haha… *sweats*

ok full disclosure, I’m well aware that I put a few aspects of myself into Riggs. People-pleasing, memory issues, and general desire to trust people being chief among them. He’s much more extroverted than I am though, and carrie’s himself with a lot more confidence through most of the story. Id say he’s also a lot braver, but when he does hit a low, he’s a lot more self-destructive. All things considered though? We’d probably get along pretty well! :D!

19 are they quick to anger? What sets them off?

So, have you ever heard of toxic positivity? He is a walking example of it, though it’s mostly directed inwards. Riggs doesn’t like feeling mad, he doesn’t like feeling ANY negative emotion, really, so he pushes it down and focuses on what can be done to fix the situation, and what good is already happening whenever an issue occurs. He’ll help others through their turmoil, but won’t address his own. This kind of comes to a head when he meets Caesar. He had hoped to have a peaceful resolution up until then, however what he sees and experiences at The Fort brings him down. After that he’s a lot easier to rile up. He still hates the emotions, hates feeling angry and scared and sad, but it’s harder to control, and he’s a lot more obvious about his emotions even if he doesn’t want to be. It takes a while before his friends are able to help him, and he’s able to find a somewhat healthy state of mind. He has a lot less patience when dealing with political officials after that though, and while he still prefers to talk things out first: if it’s clear to him that someone’s trying to cheat, steal, or take advantage of other people then he’s quicker to take direct action.