#he mainly probably tweets about his phone being weird because at the time he's tweeting he's. you know. on his phone

[k3rm1e]

cuddling headcanons! ★~(◡﹏◕✿)

this is more of a test thing to see if i like writing this way and if this blog does well

other imagines and headcanons won't include everyone i write unless it is specifically requested and is a prompt i really like

includes: wilbur nihachu karljacobs quackity dream georgenotfound sapnap p!tommyinnnit p!badboyhalo p!skeppy p!eret p!philza p!tubbo p!ranboo

cw: cursing

wilbur:

wilbur is a very cuddle-y guy

to me he seems very soft

i always see people saying he would like spooning, but i disagree

i feel like he would do more of a half-spooning thing with his head on your chest or the other way around

mans would DEFINITELY make you run your fingers through his hair

i feel like he would lay on your chest and just *nuzzle* into the space between your shoulder and neck

anytime you tried to leave him, whether it was because he had to do something or you had to, he would whine. so. fucking. much.

It would probably always go something like:

you - i need to piss

wilbur - no <3

but the moment he decides its time to stop cuddling its fine

and if you complain that you’re gonna miss him he’ll just call you clingy and tease you

like??? sir???

all in good fun though, no bad intentions :)

nihachu:

i feel like you and niki would face each other

with your head like under her chin and in her chest (this is a bad description but look at the “honeymoon hug” on the list for better explanation ;-;)

she would always want to protect you

so she does that by like almost guarding you and keeping you close

niki would definitely do the arm thing where she just lightly moves her hand up and down you arm

i’m so sorry if you don't understand that, it just feels like something she would do

if you haven't experienced that it kinda sorta feels like spiders??? but in a good way???

but generally she is very protective

she just holds you so close the whole time

even if she doesn’t want to let you go, she’s more understanding about it

she would be upset but wouldn’t show it because she doesn’t want to make you feel guilty

niki is generally just an amazing cuddle-r (is that a word?) and has a super comforting presence

karljacobs:

karl would definitely keep your head on his chest

the whole time he would just absolutely squeeze the life out of you

he would constantly bend his neck down to kiss your head

and instead of just like leaving his head down so he could kiss you it would just be:

*inner monologue karl* hmmm i wanna kiss them on their head

and he would lean down to do so which, cute

but then five seconds later he would do it again

and again another five seconds later

and again

very cute karl but please sir, your neck is gonna be so messed up after this

when you had to leave he would be upset, but like niki, would try not to show it

except karl is very bad at that and his pouting would be so obvious

so you would feel guilty and layback down with him

immediately he just becomes (●´ω｀●)

like a happy little puppy

karl is just too adorable for you to deny

quackity:

now we all know this, quackity is a huge dork

which is why i believe he would DEFINITELY use your butt as a pillow

not even in a weird way

i just feel like quackity isn’t too comfortable with touch so this is sorta his way of being close to you without it being a whole serious thing

like he still is able to be goofy and comfortable without it being a whole big thing

him doing this would almost always come with a flatty patty joke from you

which always causes him to threaten divorce, even though you aren’t married

while it isn’t a very good position for things like physical touch, it is good for talking and having conversations

for some reason i feel like he’s the type of person to text someone when they’re right next to each other

so while he’s laying down he’ll just send you random photos of himself

very annoying when your phone is spammed, but also good blackmail material >:)

i don’t think he’d be too clingy

obviously, he enjoys spending time with you

but if you told him you need to go do work or something he wouldn’t throw a fit or pout

big q just seems like he’d be more rational about stuff like that

overall a 420/69 cuddle partner

dream:

one word: spooning

mans just envelops you and has no shame

very big: “no you are mine! >:(“ energy

while he’s sleeping he’ll unconsciously nuzzle his head into your hair/the back of your neck

when you guys got to bed patches usually climbs in and you hold her

i love patches so much i could write headcanons just about her

dream always wants to be cuddling you

if you try to leave he won’t pout, there simply isn't a discussion on whether you’re moving or not

incase you haven’t caught on yet, the answer is no

you need to do work? just bring the laptop to bed

he needs to edit? just sit in his lap at his desk, duh

obviously, he knows at some point you guys need to stop cuddling

he just isn’t too stoked about it

when it comes time where he absolutely can’t cuddle with you, i feel like he’d be more chill

mainly just annoyed

georgenotfound:

i feel like george, like quackity, also wouldn’t be too touchy

i’m pretty sure he has a hard time expressing emotions (please correct me if i’m wrong!!) and i think that would crossover to his sleeping habits

i think he would prefer a sort of back-to-back cuddling position

it seems cold, i know

but also he would most definitely kick at you

so every night while trying to go to sleep suddenly you would just feel *kick*

and then instead of sleep you’re suddenly playing footsie

lots of laughter and warm feelings involved

george would probably pretend that you kicked his leg hard or something and act like you hurt him

the first few times you were actually worried

but then after a few months your only response was a sarcastic “cry about it”

which just led to more laughter

sapnap:

sapnap and you would do a sort of leg hug thing

you both you try to go to sleep in a cute spooning-type position

but the moment one of you fell asleep it all unraveled

you would wake up apart but you’re legs would still be touching

sapnap would joking blame it on you

“wow can’t believe you don't wanna be close with me even when we’re asleep”

“it’s not my fault! i can’t control where i end up when i sleep!”

“no, no. you don’t have to lie. i see how it is.”

“>:(“

but it's okay!

your legs are the first thing to react in a flight-or-fight situation, so they usually react in an honest way

which is like your legs are both reaching to hold each other!

p!tommyinnit:

i don’t get a very touchy vibe from tommy

i feel like the most he would do is put his arm over your shoulder

not in a flirty way, just in a “hey, there isn’t a lot of space, this will make sitting down more comfortable” way

he will let you sorta fidget with his hand/arm

i don't know if that makes sense but what i mean is that he’ll pretty much let his arm go *flop* so you can control it (by like moving it around or playing with his fingers)

in the beginning he would get annoyed

but eventually he would get used to it and wouldn’t really care

it sounds a bit strange but i personally find it very comforting to just have something to fidget with while watching youtube or netflix in bed with my friends

and it’s entertaining (sometimes i do this to me sister to annoy her :>)

he would act like he didn’t mind if you left him

but holy shit he is so clingy

If you try to leave it’ll just be “no, why??? stay here dumbass”

you would be slightly annoyed when he had to leave  but knew he had to film and stream and all that so you would be okay

p!badboyhalo:

you would kinda sit within bad’s lap

like not on his lap, but more of in between his legs

he would have his arms around you

and his phone would be in front of you so you two could scroll through twt or instagram together

or you guys could watch skeppy’s youtube ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

rat would sit in your lap

she’s just;;;;;;;; so adorable

rat is just so soft and fuzzy in your lap and everytime you move to pet her she just melts

rat is the the superior cuddle buddy to any of these block people

p!skeppy:

skeppy, similar to quackity, is a total dork

he would make sure you guys were in a position where he could effectively troll you

so if your head was near his lap he would just flick you or some

“dude can you please stop hitting me in the head”

“it turns out i am not actually hitting you in your head because based on the perpendicularity of the bisector multiplied by the photosynthesis of the dividend, it is impossible for me to do so”

“wtf”

lya is so goddamn sick of you guys

she's trying to get him to actually do something but instead he’s just sitting there throwing paper airplanes at you while you sleep

he’s an annoying asshole but it's okay because he gives you money for absurd reasons

p!eret:

eret has such a comfortable presence

i feel like she wouldn’t be up for cuddling too much

more of like putting your head on a friends shoulder so you can see the tweet their showing you

but they do like to hold hands

holding hands isn’t very intimate but it's also just such a sweet comforting thing

she even holds your hand when you guys are out walking around

like if you guys were getting food somewhere (post-covid of course)

you most likely would get addressed as a couple

and he would just be like”...wut?”

it’s happened so many times at this point you just go along with it

“you guys look like such a cute couple!”

“oh we aren't-” “thank you!”

can you tell that i love eret?

p!philza:

phil always has such dad vibes

i feel like the closest he would get to cuddling is hugs and hand holding

even though cuddling isn’t inherently romantic, he is married to kristen

so i fell he would get most of his touch in with her

but with you he’s just so fatherly

hello dadza

whether you have a good or bad relationship with your father, everyone can admit that philza minecraft is dadza

this is such a dad thing, but tries to hold you hand when you cross the street

no matter the age, he just feels the need to protect you

hugs are similar

uses hugs as a way to comfort you and protect you

just so amazing all around

p!tubbo:

tubbo would love cuddling in any way, shape, or form

if you guys are hanging out at like the park or something and lying down

get ready to become this mans pillow

this is really fun to do with your friends but imagine you guys are hanging out in a field type area (with my friends we hand out in the field next to the cemetery but it can be any open grass area)

tubbo would just use your lap as a pillow the whole time

and when you guys were walking back to his house he would sorta drape his arms over your shoulders (assuming he’s taller than you)

he would do the same thing when you guys were sitting in chairs or at a desk

just drapes his arms over your shoulder with his chin on your head

if it's really late and he's tired he’ll just hug you

p!ranboo:

if you thought tubbo is bad, ranboo is even worse

not even really cuddling, he just likes having a sort of skin-to-skin contact

so handholding and laying on top of eachother

if he’s streaming he will legitimately message ou to just sit next to him

so sometimes if he’s just chilling by himself on the smp you’ll end up on his streams

he’ll have you next to him just because he likes be near someone

and so randomly it’ll just be like “chat, a real human is here, behave”

chat does not behave

(they heavily bully him)

he’s pretty clingy but when you HAVE to leave he’ll understand and just be a bit bummed out

holy shit this took me so long-

if you read this whole thing thank you!

[aellynera]

Hi love! Can you do a Oscar Isaac x reader where they do the buzzfeed video reading thirst tweets and he gets jealous of the tweets? Thank you so much, I love your page. ❤️

Hello lovely Nonnie! I’m sorry this took so long, but I finally got super inspired to finish it. It’s not Oscar Isaac per se (I don’t do RPF) but I thought about it a bit and I was like...but I will do a Llewyn AU. So that’s what I did, and here it is, and I hope you and whoever else reads it, enjoys it! (note: most of the tweets came from various Thirst Tweet videos on YouTube, but there are a couple I just made up.)

I Want Llewyn Davis to Blank Me in the Blank (Llewyn Davis x F!Reader, Modern AU)

Word Count: 1300(ish)

Warnings: Some language, sexual references but nothing graphic or explicit just suggestive, floof.

- Llewyn isn’t sure what a BuzzFeed is, and to be honest, he’s not even sure what the hell a thirst tweet is. 

- You’re always teasing him that, if the world suddenly loses all technology tomorrow and the internet and social media disappear, he’ll be the only one who will still be able to function, and he’ll probably be a lot happier.

- You’re not wrong.

- He hates social media. Doesn’t understand what the point is really, why so many people are obsessed with it. Yeah, he technically has official accounts on all the major platforms, mainly because you insisted and set them up. They’re just placeholders and he never uses them.

- The only reason he’s even here to do this media gig is because you asked, all wide puppy-dog eyes and gnawed-on bottom lip, and he knows that you know he can’t say no to that.

- Not that he ever really wants to say no to you, but sometimes...

- Now he’s almost one hundred percent certain he regrets it.

- You’ve tried explaining the concept to him, probably like twenty-some times, and you’re trying again now, but as you lead him into the studio it pretty much goes in one ear and out the other.

- People don’t know you’re together, so he’s annoyed by that on top of everything else, because he can’t call you any of the usual pet names that roll off his tongue like melted butter.

- No angel. No baby. No sweetheart. It fucking sucks.

- "It’s not a serious thing, Llewyn. Just...fake it till you make it. Make jokes about it, it’ll be fine,” you tell him.

- You sit side by side at a little table, a couple feet apart, and a production assistant put a little metal bucket in front of each of you.

- Llewyn gives you a weird look. You just shake your head and smile this cute little smile that he does his level best to ignore because, well, you’re in public and nobody knows.

- Then the tweets come out of the buckets.

- Things I requite in a man: five nine, pisces, grammy nominated, llewyn davis. That’s all i ever need.

- Why is Llewyn Davis so attractive? He’s like 30 years older than me and I’m a lesbian but he still gets me hot and bothered.

- I cannot believe Llewyn Davis invented being sexy.

- Llewyn Davis got thicc lips and thicc hips

- I want Llewyn Davis to be my daddy but not in the fatherly kind of way.

- There’s a lot more, but honestly, they all sort of blend together.

- He manages to laugh them off and make some clever comments but he shoots you a look that’s part confusion, part disdain, and really annoyed. You just shrug.

- But then the tweets start coming out of your bucket, and Llewyn’s brain instantly regains its laser-focus.

- First, because everyone calls you by your online handle, which drives the nail further into Llewyn’s coffin because of his inability to actually call you cute names night now.

- Secondly, who do these assholes think they are, talking about his girl like this?

- Hello? Maker? Can we talk about how you put the heavens in AngelEyes’s eyes, because it’s starting to cause some serious problems over here. Kthx.

- I want to lick cherry-flavored jello off AngelEyes fingers, why does life have to be so unfair?

- Sit on my face and suffocate me, AngelEyes.

- AngelEyes’s boobs are a gift from whatever deity you choose to believe in, and if you’re an atheist, well, then more tits for me.

- I’m pretty sure AngelEyes could get all my children out of me, and I’m willing to take that challenge.

- Llewyn’s kind of tuned out, trying not to pay any attention to all the dirty things the world wants to do to you, but his head finally snaps up and his arm does too and his little metal bucket goes crashing to the floor.

- You (and everyone else in the studio) just stare at him.

- “Could I...” he clears his throat, “could I speak to you, for just a minute? Like, out in the hall?”

- “Okay?” you say slowly, but stand up and head towards the door, with him right behind you.

- The door barely has a change to swing shut behind you before Llewyn is on you, frantically pressing his lips to yours in a soul-sucking kiss.

- “Llewyn, what are you doing?” you hiss when you finally break away for air.

- It took quite a few minutes before you absolutely needed that break and you’re fairly certain people are going to come looking for you any second because you have to be taking a lot longer to “talk” than Llewyn implied.

- “Do you have any idea how hard it is for me to sit there and pretend all those tweets are okay”

- He’s pressing you against the wall and you can’t help the slightly impish smile that comes to your face. “I have a pretty good idea.”

- Llewyn glares through narrowed eyes. “This isn’t funny, AngelEyes.”

- “I was listening to all the ones people said about you too. Don’t get so worked up, Llewyn, it’s all in good fun.”

- Llewyn snorts.

- “Baby, are you...jealous?” You raise a brow at him.

- “I have half a mind to just take you up against this wall, right now.”

- “You’re jealous.”

- His mouth is suddenly a breath away from yours again, and he murmurs, “I just want people to know that you’re mine. And to know that I’m yours. And to never read a single thirst tweet ever again in my entire life,” before his desperate lips are back on yours.

- This time, he pulls out of the kiss first and you rest your head on his shoulder and try to catch your breath again.

- He’s checking something on his phone - replying to a text from his manager Snap or his sister, maybe, you’re only vaguely aware that he’s actually on his phone at all.

- But then you feel your own phone vibrate in your pocket.

- You pull it out and immediately almost drop it.

- “Llewyn. You...you didn’t.”

- Llewyn looks at you with a completely innocent face. He slides his phone back in his pocket and hooks a thumb towards the door. “I don’t know what you mean, sweetheart. Come on, we should probably get back in there before they send a search party.”

- You barely have time to process the notification that Llewyn Davis (@ folksingerwithacatofficial) has made his first tweet! Check it out! and even less time to actually read it before Llewyn disappears through the door and you have to follow.

- But it there was a picture - you didn’t even know Llewyn knew how to do that. And if he had an extra minute, he’d be inordinately proud of himself.

- It’s from a friend’s rooftop party a couple weeks ago. You’re behind him with your arms around his shoulders, kissing his cheek, and he has his eyes closed and a happy, content little smile on his face.

- There’s no way anyone’s going to look at it and be like, ‘oh they’re just friends.’ But the caption definitely clears it up.

- Never been happier than I am w/AngelEyes by my side. Aren’t enough words to say how much I love you, baby. Maybe I’ll just write you a song or ten.

- You head back into the studio, about to shove your phone back in your pocket, your face burning hotter than the sun, but it vibrates again and you see the corners of Llewyn lips turn up, even though he’s pointedly not looking at you.

- There’s another tweet.

- Now go get some water y’all and stop talking about my girlfriend’s tits. At least give her ass the credit it deserves too.

- Llewyn pretends not to notice when, five minutes later, everyone’s phones and laptops and tablets start blowing up with notifications and reactions. He just pulls you into his lap and kisses you softly on the cheek.

Everything Taglist: @anetteaneta @autumnleaves1991-blog @be-the-spark-flyboy @damerondjarin @deeandbobbymcgee @huxdameron @iflostreturntobudcooper @itspdameronthings @jitterbugs927 @leto-duke @littlebopper96 @reysflyboy @rosemarysbaby13 @spider-starry @veuliee @waatermelon-sugaar @woakiees @writefightandflightclub @yourbucky084

Llewyn Taglist: @santiagogarcia

>>join my taglist here<<

[jesslockwood]

Photo Opportunities

Word Count: 2.7k

Pairing(s): Tom Holland x Actress!Reader

Warnings: FLUFF with a slightly (barely) suggestive sentence towards the end 

A/n: damn I can't write anything except actress reader? smh but this is for @londonspidey ‘s sit-com Writing challenge (ik I'm early lol) but I was so excited I wrote the whole thing in one go lmao the prompt is bolded!

Calling yourself a fan was an understatement. You were obsessed with anything and everything marvel. And oddly enough, you could after today say you were in the club. It wasn’t a public fact yet, until later that day actually, at the Marvel panel at comic con that you were being announced as the actress for the character, Felica Hardy and no one else knew except for the people who cast you and your best friend who signed an NDA. You were technically still a known actress for your roles on television mainly as Thalia on the PJO Disney + series and a couple of still decently sized films. 

You were currently wrapping up signing autographs for fans of yours for today. Your team had planned it out so it wasn’t suspicious that you were at the con with a few of your castmates scattered doing other junkets and press so people wouldn’t guess who they were acting as the cast for new marvel projects. 

You had been planning to go meet your best friend, who wasn’t in the industry before getting a text that she bought you both a photo-op with someone and she wouldn’t tell you who. You couldn’t only assume it was a marvel actor that you would indeed, freak out. 

Y/b/n: btw I brought you a mask. I get the wig lol.

You: please tell me it doesn’t cover my full face. Also, how are we posing?

Y/b/n: I bought as many photo ops as I could so a lot of different ones, And if I tell you the poses it’ll spoil it.

You: is this with the money I pay you to be my assistant with? Lol fine I’m omw with security

Y/b/n: maybe… 

Y/b/n: and they’ll need more backup security for who we’re getting a photo op with than you do for your hellfire.

You roll your eyes before taking your stuff and exiting the booth, before heading out the backways with staff security and your detailed security for the day. You only had security because you wanted to explore the con when you weren’t needed.

Your best friend had also been your assistant for the con weekend, but you didn’t want her to be confined to you the whole three days so when she could, you would let her explore it, at least she could experience it as a fan, right?

When you made it to that part of the building, you wanted to wait in line with her, which your security didn’t agree to so she texted you when there were about five people ahead of her. She was one of the last in line, with you asking her to be kind, so others would get their chance to be first with whomever it was. 

When she texted you and your detailed exit, getting a few stares and others taking their phones out to either take photos or tweet, you wave at them before joining your best friend in line.

“Here,” she says before handing you none other than a black cat mask before she puts on a red wig. 

You glare at her slightly trying to not make a scene, before putting it on. 

“I’m assuming you're Mary Jane?” you laugh figuring out that it had to be someone from Spider-Man.

“How’d you- never mind.” She laughs with you.

She then explains how she’s going to pose for your five photo ops, joking in between how she should “get a raise for this”.

You catch sight of him before sucking in your breath. This was either going to go down amazingly or terribly, there was no in-between with you. 

“Excuse Me, are you Y/n Y/l/n?”

You turn around and are met by some fans who were standing in line behind you.

“I am! How’s your con going?” you ask politely to the two of them.

“It's going amazing! We love you as Thalia! Could we maybe get a picture? Only if it’s okay?”

“Of course! Thank you for supporting me!” your best friend grabs their phone to take the photo, before you take off the mask, and stand between the two fans, and your best friend snaps a few photos. 

“Thank you so much! And Are you fans of Tom?”

You start slowly walking back to catch up to the line. 

“Yeah, I love him as Spiderman, but I also enjoy his other roles. He's very talented, I'd love to work with him one day!” 

“Have you seen him in Uncharted?  We love Him as Nathan drake!”

“I have, he was amazing per usual! How are you two posing with him?”

They show you their innovative pose. You laugh and tell them it's great before you have to wish them goodbye before heading up for your turn for the photo op. 

“How do we want to pose- hang on, I recognize you!”

You freeze slightly before your friend mouths for you to flirt. You look down at the mask in your hand before getting into character and saying “Of course you do Spidey, I'm always causing you trouble.” you put on the mask and wink. 

He seems slightly stunned, laughing, feeling like he’s seen you somewhere, not only because he found you extremely gorgeous, while in his peripheral vision he sees his brother/ assistant, Harry waving like a madman on the side. 

Your friend directs you both through the poses, first, one both him putting “webs” onto you as she looks over his shoulder, the second one, both of you kissing his cheeks, the third, all jumping in the air in your best superhero poses, the fourth one she gets a photo op alone and the last one she gives to you,

“Seriously, who are you?”

“Your Wildest dreams, baby,” you say, taking off the mask. 

Your best friend yells “freestyle” from the sidelines before Tom dips you, gently, with you shocked, holding the mask out with your free arm and the photo captures that moment. 

 He gently helps you stand back up fully, not before you drop the mask.

“Nice moves Spider-Man.”

“Not so bad yourself, Black Cat.”

You laugh before, taking off with your best friend, well more her dragging you to the printing station leaving the mask behind. Tom picks it up before shoving it in his back pocket to hopefully give back if he could find you. 

-

`You were sitting in the green room, trending on Twitter before you were actually supposed to be trending on Twitter, and god knows where else.  

Someone had snuck a video of you and Tom, up till him dipping you, and a video of you interacting with the fans in the line.

Your Y/b/n was currently reading off some tweets out loud

“‘A kind queen we stan.’  I agree, I also agree with ‘Date her if you can't date me tom!!!’.

‘THALIA AND PETER PARKER??? My two fandoms have collided.’ same, same. Oo this one says, ‘if she ain’t playing black cat I will sue marvel.’ I'm dying at the reply ‘She needs to post the photos or I'll sue her!’. This one’s funny, ‘she could squash him like a bug in heels but he liked his queen like that.’.”

She pauses watching you texting.

“Y/n? Y/n?”

“What? Sorry I was only half listening. I was texting my publicist. She said to stay on the DL until tonight. 

“Well we should get food, you haven't eaten since this morning.”

“By the way, your show has shot to number one on Disney +. Also, you have like three times the followers you had before, probably cause you're trending on every platform, even Tumblr!”

“Wow you should just become my social media manager now.” you joke trying to ease the joy yet weirded out feeling in your stomach.

“Does that come with a raise? Because after today I've spent way too much of what I'm paid.” she jokes back.

-

After finishing his photo ops Tom asked Harry who she was and to find out. By the time he finished autographs for the day, Tom and Harry walked to the panel room in the back for announcements, one that included him for the new Avengers movie, while Harry gave him the rundown.

“So she’s an actress, she plays Thalia on Disney plus’ Percy Jackson series, and that's her most known project. The other girl with her is her assistant best friend, and now she's trending everywhere. People dug up some old photos of her being a marvel/Spider-Man fan, so there's that. And she's here at the con for the rest of the weekend. She's doing photo ops tomorrow at one, and yes she's single from what I gather since you were looking at her like this.” he makes a weird face before tom smacks him.

“And plus you have time in your schedule to get a photo op with her, that is if you eat lunch quickly.”

That gave Tom an idea. 

“Harry I’m going to need you to book me one, oh and help me find a Spider-Man costume!” He says, before leaving harry to do ‘assistant’ work. entering the green room for the announcements, watching them announce a new movie.

“We are so excited to announce to the Marvel Universe, and spider-verse-” that perked tom’s ears, “-directed by Gina Prince-Bythewood, and today we are announcing our amazing Miss Felicia Hardy, please give a warm welcome to the stage, Your Black Cat!”

You suddenly emerged in an aisle way, dressed in all black with a leather jacket, black ankle boots, and of course black sunglasses indoors.

The music is marvel music until it suddenly changes after a recorded laugh from you into “I can’t be tamed by Miley Cyrus”.

You start owning the music while saying hi and touching fans’ hands. You decide to take off your sunglasses and throwing them to a fan, for them to keep, before getting on stage.

“What a Performance from the one the only Y/n Y/l/n!”

You laugh, being met with the loudest applause you had heard all con before being handed a Mic. 

“Thank you but I'm a terrible dancer.” You Joke.

Tom was staring at the screen stunned. You had been the black cat all along. You were in the marvel universe and spidey one,  so he'd definitely be seeing more of you. The hard part is that you seemed so genuine when you talked, interacted with fans and was no doubt, stunning. 

“Better close your mouth or the flies will get in.” Tom turns around to find the voice of none other than his friend slash bully, Sebastian Stan, along with Anthony Mackie.

“Looks like the kid has a crush!” Anthony laughs, pointing to the screen you were on.

“I-I don’t! I don’t even know her!” Tom tries to come to his own defense, hopelessly.

“She’s got you whipped already don’t even deny it.” Harry comes in, joining the teasing of one, Tom Holland.

“Maybe we can invite her out for drinks tonight, then fanboy over here can meet her, and then probably scare her off!” Anthony mentions.

“You haven’t looked on the internet? They’ve already met.” Seb says, before showing Anthony twitter. 

Anthony stands there slightly shocked before bursting into laughter.

“Well, she’s damn well a keeper for Tom since she obviously likes him.”

A staff member peaks their head in the green room to tell Tom he’s up next.

“Well, that’s my cue to leave you two!”

On the other hand, you were on an adrenaline high from being on stage, and seeing all the fans. You knew tomorrow was going to be crazy, as you expected people to book your photo op left and right since the announcement. 

You had decided to decline an offer from your fellow marvel universe castmates, Sebastian Stan and Anthony Mackie, which they so graciously told you that whenever you’re free, the offer still stood. 

You had gotten to your hotel room seeing your phone blowing up on the social media apps for the second time that day. 

You responded to the important stuff, before heading to bed, knowing it was going to be hectic.

-

You had been right, it was absolutely insane, the number of people who showed up. You had fully booked all your time slots for photo ops. You had seen so many people dressed up in marvel cosplay, ranging from Loki to Ironman, even some people dressed up as your character, which was wildly insane to see.

You had been nearing the end of the line and had enjoyed every moment with the fans, and you couldn’t wait for your autographing session later that day, to truly get a chance to talk to the fans and connect with them and how they felt about you being their beloved Black Cat. 

After a few more photos, posing how they wanted, you see a fully dressed, head to toe, mask and all, Spider-Man. You had seen some spider-mans but most took off their masks to snap a picture. The person was the last in line. 

“Hey Black Cat.” The southern American accented voice tells you, seeming very familiar. 

“Hey, Spider, what poses do you have up your sleeve?” you ask kindly.

“I bought a few, Cat.” they laugh.

“Okay, You can do whatever a spider can right?” you pull out a line out of the comics jokingly.

“I can do flips if that’s what you’re asking.”

“Is that some kind of nerd pick-up line? Because it’s only kind of working.” you laugh. 

“I really can, but this is one.”

He gets down on one knee, holding a black cat mask instead of a ring. The photographer captures the shocked expression on your face.

“I- Don’t- What- Spider I-” 

“Ow My feelings…” Suddenly their voice changes into a British accent before they pull off the mask to reveal-

“Tom?”

“I guess you don’t have a spidey sense darling?” The photographer captures the moment without warning eating the moment up. 

You laugh at that. 

“I guess you found out my true identity Spider. And it’s nice to officially meet you, Tom.”

He laughs, just as nervous as you, he notices he has gotten closer to you and a strand of hair loosely is blowing in your face, so naturally, he pushes it behind your ear. Another snap of the camera can be heard. 

“NOW KISS!” a voice belonging to your best friend yells from the side, mid-eating a churro.

You both laugh really hard at that.

The both of you calm down, slowly leaning lost in the moment. The camera snaps again. You both look at the photographer weirded out, and they just shrug.

“Wait can you actually do a flip?” you ask, pulling away, not wanting prying eyes aka the photographer, to pry in your business. 

“I can, though I’d show you later, maybe in the greenroom?”

“That sounds naughty, but, sure.” you joke around. 

He laughs before, you both take off from the area going to grab the photos.

-

After spending most of the day together when you could, you get Tom’s number, before heading back to your hotel room. He texts you as soon as you get back. 

Spider: I had fun today, minus finding our assistants making out.

You: we should ‘snog’ too, it’ll gross them out ;)

You: I had fun too btw. Are you leaving tomorrow?

Spider: lol we should. And yeah an early flight, 6 am to be exact. Hbu?

You: Yeah me too... another day another dollar lol

Spider: ill miss you, Cat.

You: stop talking like we’ll never see each other again lol. As a matter of fact, come to my room, we’re watching a movie!

Spider: alright, I’ll order snacks. 

  You sigh smiling at your phone. You haven’t felt this giddy in a long time.

Your phone pings with a few Instagram notifications.

Tomholland2013 has started following you.

Tomholland2013 has tagged you in a photo.

You open Instagram to find the photo of him “proposing” to you posted.

“Ow, my leg, my- feelings...Welcome to the Universe, Cat.” the photo is captioned. You decide to post, the photo of him dipping you.

“So what do you say, Spider? Wanna help me pull off the Heist of the Heist of the Century?” you caption it, Before getting comfortable to watch a movie. 

What an opportunity ;)

Tags:

@lolooo22 @webmeupspiderdaddy @harryhollandsgirlfriend @spideyspeaches @greenorangevioletgrass @queenofthepouges @sheranatic111 @keithseabrook27

[krreader]

BTS scenario → your child that you raised together, despite not being together, playing matchmaker.

pairing: bts x reader fandom: bts warnings: / genre: fluff word count: 2.3k+

a/n: ooooh, I loved this so much, I really hope you enjoy reading this my loves ♥

kim seokjin

Despite her young age, your daughter had always known that there was something going on between you and her father.

It wasn't easy trying to explain surrogacy to a child, so you never did, but maybe you should have, because it was getting increasingly more difficult to make her understand that you and Jin weren't a couple.

“Such a beautiful family,” an old lady commented while you and Jin were walking with your daughter through a park.

Jin and you had been friends and neither of you had met a partner that you wanted to spend your life with, but due to you not getting any younger, you both thought that surrogacy might be a good option for you. And it really was, you two raised your daughter together happily, despite not being together romantically.

“Mommy and daddy look good together, right?” your daughter said with a cheeky grin.

“Oh, they do, little one,” she knelt down in front of her, “You must be very happy to have such parents that love you and each other so much.”

Jin wanted to say something, but you simply grabbed his hand and squeezed it tightly. You'd rather have that woman believe that, than make her understand why you went for surrogacy.

“They pretend like they don't sometimes, but then I see how daddy looks at mommy and how mommy strokes his hair when daddy falls asleep on the couch,” she giggled.

And boy, did you two blush from ear to ear while your daughter and the old lady had a blast exposing you two like that.

min yoongi

“Help me out, I think my mom and dad still love each other, despite them being divorced.. what should I do?”

That is the tweet that had started all of this.

Your daughter hadn't thought she'd get so much notes on it, but oh boy, was she wrong. Thousands of people retweeted it and sent her messages with tips on how to, first of all, confirm whether or not you and Yoongi were still in love with each other and then, on how to help you two get back together.

And some of them really came through.

“Thanks for dropping me off, mom,” your daughter smiled at you.

“That's what I'm here for, right?”

“And you're sure it doesn't bother you that dad's home?” the small shift you did in your seat was enough for her to start grinning, quickly turning her head to the side so you wouldn’t see. But she saw how you smiled.

“That's fine.”

Your daughter could barely remember the two of you being together, since you had gotten a divorce when she was still a toddler, but somewhere along the line, you two must have realized that maybe it had been a mistake. Because when she watched you get out of the car first and Yoongi standing there all nervous, scratching the back of his head, it was like the two of you were the teenagers, and not her.

And so once she confirmed it and was sure that she wouldn't do anything that would hurt either of you, she came up with a plan.

A plan that worked perfectly.

“It's too late to drive home, you can just stay here,” you said one night after your daughter had 'gotten sick' and Yoongi drove her back to your house.

“No, don't be ridiculous.”

“Stop and sit down, I’ll make something to eat. Besides, I'm sure she'd be glad to see both of us here when she wakes up tomorrow. It'll be good for her.”

Yoongi told himself that he was doing this for his daughter and not for himself. But if that had been true, he would have gone to your spare bedroom and slept there. Alone.

Instead, he joined you in the living room and you and him ended up talking until four in the morning.

And when your daughter woke up the next morning, she found you and him cuddled up on the couch, his arm around your waist and your face buried in his chest, both sleeping in the most peaceful state she had ever seen you two in.

That day, she sent out another tweet: “Mission accomplished. Thank you to everyone who helped.”

jung hoseok

How were you supposed to tell your son that the reason why you and Hoseok weren't together was because you had never actually been in a proper relationship? You and him had been friends and then friends had turned into friends with benefits and that's all it had ever been.

The sex had been amazing and, well, it still was, but you and him had a hard time being with each other romantically. On a more deeper level.

But your son didn't know that and neither of you wanted to tell him that. And so he must have assumed that the two of you still had feelings for each other when he 'locked you in the bathroom so you could finally work things out'. Those were literally his words.

“See? I told you we should just tell him,” Hoseok sighed heavily and sat down on the edge of the bathtub.

“Oh, so are you going to have that conversation with him? How his mom and dad are simply better at sleeping with each other than forming an emotional connection?”

At second thought, maybe not.

You sat down next to him and shook your head, “But you're right. We should have handled it differently. He behaved weirdly for the last couple of months. Maybe he thought that.. we were actually developing feelings for each other.”

“Yeah, right,” Hoseok crossed his arms in front of his chest and tried to act stubborn, while you just sat there next to him biting down on your lip.

Two hours. That's all it took for yours and his resolve to finally break down and finally – after fourteen freaking years – to talk about what neither of you had wanted to say. And you had your son to thank for that.

kim namjoon

Namjoon wished he could spend more time with his daughter, but with you living and working overseas and his daughter having decided that she wanted to attend school there, rather than in Seoul, school breaks was all he got if he didn't fly to visit her.

But those days that she was with him were his absolute favorite.

Right now, him and her were sitting in a small but beautiful café while she brought him up to speed on what had happened the last couple of months. Not that she didn't do that over the phone already, but face to face, she was able to properly tell him everything.

However, there was one thing that she hadn't told him yet. Mainly, because she wanted to see his reaction.

“Have you and mom talked lately?”

Namjoon's head shot up, “Why? Why are you asking?”

She grinned a little, “Oh, nothing, it's just, she's acting weird these days.”

“In what way?”

“Spends a lot of time on her phone, smiles a lot more and is in a better mood in general. I tried talking to her about it, but she's stubborn and doesn't let anything slip. I thought I'd ask if you knew anything about that. You two started talking again, right?”

Namjoon began scratching the back of his head, laughing and stumbling over his words.

It was useless. You weren't an idiot. You knew that him and her had started talking again, had overheard more than one conversations between them and knew that there was something going on. And from the way her father acted right now, she assumed that her hunch had been right and that they did start to get closer again.

And so she just leaned back with a smug grin and watched her father suffer.

park jimin

Your relationship with Jimin had always been a little unconventional.

When you were younger, you were fascinated by him. By his looks, his wealth, his charm. And he liked the innocence about you that he couldn't see in this industry anymore. And so you had started a relationship that could only be described as that of a sugar daddy and a sugar baby. And it went well. Better than that. Those were the best years of your life and Jimin enjoyed it just as much. There weren't really any strings, while at the same time, you knew that you were fully his and he yours. Whatever you needed, he got you and if he needed anything, you'd be at his door to give it to him, which often times, just was someone to listen to him.

You getting pregnant had not been the plan. But Jimin had never let you down and he didn't let you down then, he told you that, despite you and him not getting married for this baby, he'd still support you no matter what and so you raised your son together with him.

And the love and affection you still had was so obvious, everyone could tell that you two had a history. But it was your son that thought that maybe, you could have a future too.

“Hey dad, can I ask you something?” his son sat down next to him on the couch and waited for him to nod before he asked: “Mom and you go way back, right?”

“Of course, otherwise you wouldn't be here,” Jimin chuckled.

“No, I mean.. your relationship. It's.. deep. I see the way you two look at each other. Like there is some sort of connection that isn't just about me. I always wondered about that.”

His father became quiet for a moment, then he said, “Your mother has helped me a lot through life. And when she got you, I realized that I owe her everything. She gave me the biggest gift I could have ever asked for.”

“And yet, you're not with each other. Married, I mean.”

“You don't always have to marry each other to show how much you mean to each other, you know?”

“So she does mean a lot to you still.”

Jimin was once again quiet, but then he smiled, “I guess she does.”

Your son shrugged and got up, “I agree with you on the marriage part. But maybe you should tell her how you feel, who knows what might happen.”

Jimin couldn't believe that he actually considered taking dating advice from his son, but here he was, doing just that.

kim taehyung

“Oh, there they are,” Taehyung's mother immediately pulled you and your daughter into a tight hug, “I missed you both so much. Have you eaten? Oh, probably not, you two must be so hungry. Come inside.”

You might think that was a normal thing for the mother of your daughter's father to do right? True. But you and Taehyung had never gotten married.

You and him had been childhood friends and you had gotten pregnant very early from you and him  'experimenting'. It hadn't been ideal, your parents, his parents, everyone had been so disappointed in the both of you and even more so when you had decided not to get married. Why? Simply because you knew that Taehyung couldn't pursue his dream of becoming an idol if he did.

And so you raised her as friends.. as friends who could have been much more if you had only made different decisions.

And now that it's been so long and your daughter was older and your families saw just how well you had done by raising her as friends, it was all good again. His mother treated you like family, despite you not actually being that.

“Grandma,” your daughter pulled her aside and pointed at you and Taehyung hugging. And that wasn't just a friendly hug, that was him burying his nose in the crock of your neck and holding you so close to him that he was afraid you'd let go, “This isn't normal, right? Friends don't do that, right?”

“Your parents aren't just friends, my love. They're..-”

“What? They're what?!” but when she wanted to answer, her grandfather came along and pulled your daughter into the biggest hug you could imagine.

And when she managed to look at you and Taehyung again, she found her father brushing a strand of her behind your ear with a smile.

This wasn't normal. Everyone knew that.

But your daughter was tired of everyone pretending that it was. It was time for you and him to finally figure out what it was that you wanted, because playing around like that wasn't cutting it anymore.

She’d help. She’d help you two finally find your happy endings.

jeon jeongguk

“Uncle Jin? Can I ask you something?” your son sat down next to him, waiting for Jin to nod, before he asked: “Have you ever seen my mom and dad together? Romantically, I mean?”

“Why are you asking me this?” he furrowed his eyebrows.

“Dad once told me that when he went through one of the hardest times in his life, he confided in you. I'm assuming that by the hardest time, he meant the time where mom got pregnant with me.”

Jin sighed heavily, “You shouldn't be talking to me about this. It's not my place to tell you.”

“I'm not asking because I want to know what happened between them. I'm asking because I want to know if them behaving like they do now is normal. As a kid, I never really noticed, but now that I'm older and actually understand what's going on, I feel like it isn't.”

“Like what?”

“Like.. dad slept over last week. And not in one of the spare bedrooms, but in mom's. That's not normal, right?!”

Jin's eyes wandered over to the two of you laughing together, then back at your son, “They do that a lot these days?”

“Yeah. And it's frustrating me so much, because every time I ask, they say they're just friends. But I don’t do that with my friends.. do you?”

“Nope, I don’t, kid,” and with that, he got up and walked away before he’d expose something that he shouldn’t.

But your son had gotten his answer anyways.

[ready-to-obeyme]

Scenario: (Reverse AU) Game character MC is also the exchange student

for context here is the HC post I made with the [Reverse AU]

//hehe i’m pretty happy you all liked that post so much-- biggest uwus-- but tbh I had  really hard time trying to title this LMAO  

--

Lucifer

Tries really hard to act cool with it-- he really does

The moment you are summoned into the Devildom he has to turn away and compose himself before giving his spiel/introduction about the exchange program, how it’s a year, how you’ll live in the House of Lamentation-- (oh fuck oh god you’re going to be LIVING with them?) 

On the outside he is composed

In fact he’d rather die than reveal to you that he’s not okay that you look AND act like the character he was deeply invested in the game

His brothers definitely know though, so any point he shows weakness they WILL pounce on it and tease him about it by hinting to you about your game-character look-alike

He doesn’t really seek your attention (like canon) mainly because he keeps getting nudged by Diavolo into interacting with you (“don’t they look familiar, lucifer?” and “why don’t you get to know the exchange student more, lucifer :^))))))”) 

In comparison to canon, probably treats you a lot nicer just by default-- coddling to the MAX (what can I say he plays favorites) 

Can’t bring it in him to really get mad, buys you gifts to leave at your door for your hard work as an exchange student-- but literally everyone else knows he’s spoiling you

anything cute you do KOs him and he has to compose himself with breathing exercise lmaooo 

Mammon

Basically this [post]

SIIIIIIIIMP

Considering the type of money he blew on the game, the fact that you’re real means that the money will now be pooled to you instead of game-character you 

When you got summoned and you called him over the phone, he legit thought it was a game call??? And was so confused because why did you mention Lucifer

When he comes and complains, he legit shuts up so quick when he sees you because (wheeze) is that-- is that really--

“Mammon, you’re going to take care of all their needs here during their stay--”

“NO PROBLEM” 

He’s so sweet towards you and takes his role to take care of all your needs very seriously

You’re craving something? He’s got it. You need to buy something? Say no more. Avatar of Greed is here for you baby

You have no clue why he’s being so nice to you, but you think he’s the nicest demon and person you’ve ever met

Like usual, protective over you and sticks by your side-- so really, has much changed? He’s been putty in your hands since the minute he laid eyes on you 

He’s not too careful about keeping the fact that you look like a game character though so when you ask him about it he freezes and stammers through an explanation (you think the game is funny though)

Levi

SIIIIIIIIIMP

Sees you and immediately freezes, turns around and goes back into his room to freak

It’s literally a dream come true?? To have a game/anime character be real????

Peeks and looks at you again to confirm your name, how you act, and what you look like

He’s the embodiment of “Un-Follow Me Now, This Is Gonna Be the Only Thing I Tweet About for The Next Week.”

He makes fan cams of you alsdfkjaslfjksjf and admires you from a far for a while

He’s a little afraid to approach you because what if you don’t like him?

Kinda adorable when you approach him because he’s soooo shy 

Tries really hard so that you’ll like him-- not that he really NEEDS to because you’d like him even if he wasn’t extra sweet-- but he’s convinced he needs to bring his A-game at all times

Remember what he did during the otome game chapter? He’s your husbando, baby, and he made your bento with LOVE

Probably still plays the game for a while but honestly getting to know you organically is 100x better than seeing you through a screen

Is a Complete Mess whenever you do something cute or wear cosplay-- how do you breathe again???

Satan

The only one that’s not a mess that was highly invested into the game

He’s surprised-- of course-- when he sees you summoned in the Devildom because what a coincidence to see someone look exactly like his favorite character in the game

Then you acted exactly like the character and had the same name and he had to take a little breather because his heart was beating so fast (be cool, Satan)

Legit wants to throw hands with Lucifer there and then when he gets a roast-y introduction from him 

Spends the rest of his time from then on being courteous and sweet and trying to make the best impression possible without being too extra (lookin’ at his other brothers cough)

Invites you to places and hang out with him like in canon and treats you normally best

Gets you gifts that he knew your game character liked in-game just to test to see if you really are like the character

Becomes a little secret experiment for him to see what the similarities are and if there are any differences because it’s honestly just really funny for him to see how alike the two of you are (and if Simeon is behind it just like how he is with TSL) 

He’s all chill until you dress up in cat-ears for some school event and he can’t even look at you without getting heart palpitations

Asmodeus

“Ohhhhh wow!! You know, you look suuuuper similar to this one character--”

Has absolutely no qualms with revealing that you look like a character in a game he plays and gushing about you and the character

tbh ofc he’s the only brother who has the finesse to make this revelation casual and no-big-deal because he wasn’t very invested in the game but he played the game enough to have you as a favorite

Right from the get-go is very friendly towards you and wants to get to know you better

He wasn’t very invested into the game in the first place, but you BET he’s gonna drag you to his room to dress you in cute clothing

He can’t unlock all of the game-costumes or your cute cards, but having you give him a mini fashion show is way easier and a lot better in his opinion

And the fact that you’re real and he can touch you? Ugh, say no more

He’s a very tactile, touchy person so being able to hug you and give you affection is making this 100x better than just gushing about game-character you 

You are on his Devlilgram ALL the time-- and takes a bunch of pics with the two of you together in all the possible poses and filters he can find; he can’t get enough of you!

Beelzebub

Considering how little he invested into the game, he probably doesn’t even realize the similarities between you and the game-character you for a long time

His brothers probably have to bring it up for him to realize

“Beel, don’t you think they look exactly like the game character?”

“...............oh.”

He probably starts asking questions about you just to check if you really are the game character that everyone is talking about

You don’t even know why he’s asking you what your favorite food is or what is your opinion on summer festivals-- but you feel kinda happy because he’s asking so much about you

Does eventually tell you about the game and seriously talks to you about you being a game character but that he’s liked you regardless anyways 

Honestly… doesn’t treat you that differently ngl he was already sweet to you from the beginning (after he, you know, gets over his food getting eaten)

Belphegor

He’s REALLY confused when he sees you as the exchange student

Thinks he’s still asleep and dreaming for a hot second because there’s no way that his favorite game character would actually manifest in reality 

Then you talk to him and he’s like “..................oh.” (twinssss)

Lowkey gets more invested into the game after seeing you because if that’s not a sign he’s going to get the next UR he doesn’t know WHAT is

Definitely asks you if you can dance (yknow for the dance battles)

A little shy at first, mainly because he doesn’t know how to react, but once he warms up to you, treats you as normal

This is all assuming he is NOT IN THE ATTIC

If he IS STUCK IN THE ATTIC, the first time he sees you walk up the attic andn find him is like a fever dream and he thought he just manifested you because he was desperate 

A little paranoid that this is just a hallucination or a trick of his mind-- because go figure he’d go insane being stuck in the attic and being addicted to this game 

Definitely soften his tone when talking to you and a little weirded out that you’re the exchange student

You have a high chance of NOT dying by his hands because he has a soft spot for you and getting to know you :)

[madzilla84]

update

Did anyone ask for one? No. Does anyone want it? Probably not … I guess there’s still some small part of me that misses having a Livejournal.

In general, things have been - better. I started going outside a bit more from late-ish July, but honestly I don’t know if I started feeling better because I started going out, or if I started going out because I was feeling better…? A mystery. But mood tracking app - surely a reliable source of mental health info lmao - seems to agree:

(woohoo, only ‘significant burden’! i think that’s about the best you could hope for in 2020. and this was a few weeks ago, and I feel better now than I did then, so.)

I’ve been off work for the last 3 weeks - nothing wrong, just 2 weeks of scheduled annual leave, which I needed very much (I think part of why I was feeling bad was because I hadn’t had a break since February), and last week I had a week of jury duty. The break was much needed and I can feel the difference.

I started exercising again in July, and ugggggggh ok fine I admit I do feel better because of it. I’m never gonna be a gym bunny, I’ll probably never *love* it but I can’t deny the benefits. I go 3 times a week which is enough for me. (Though I only went twice last week and this week - last week I was pretty wrecked after court each day and this week I am focussing on being lazy.) Going outside again was strange at first, like the previous 4 months hadn’t happened, but it didn’t take long to feel (mostly) normal again.

I’ve also had a couple of social things, which has been nice - one lunch out at an outdoor restaurant, and one bbq at a friend’s house. (She moved in recently at the end of my street; while I was sitting in her living room I could look out of the window at my own flat. Weird!) I’ve been thinking a lot about Dan’s tweet about who he realised he wants in his life after lockdown, and it’s just. Interesting.

I’m DELIGHTED it’s September and the start of the best months, the -embers and -obers; it’s still pretty warm and mostly sunny here but it’s really nice, the bite’s gone out of the warmth. Not long now until it Gs the FO entirely. \o/ I’m still playing Animal Crossing every day, (unlike some people, smh poor abandoned Pickle). 

Jury duty last week was fascinating. I didn’t even know if I’d get picked - they call more than twice as many people as they need in case anyone can’t do it for whatever reason (if one of the lawyers is a family friend or something), but I did end up being chosen. (No. 12!!) We were the first post-covid jury, and the first socially distanced one. 

I *can* talk about the case now it’s over, but I don’t think I will, because the subject matter could be pretty triggering, but it was often a tough week given the nature of it. Having said that, something about it was very satisfying. It was fascinating to see how the courts and lawyers worked, and the whole process, and it was good to work with the other jurors. (Days on end of talking to actual humans was actually pretty good, for the most part.) We were all just thrown together, and we had differences of opinion of course, but it was still a good experience to work with them. It felt good to be part of something like that, something that mattered, and to feel like a part of the community in such a real way. I can be quite good at putting aside emotion to look at the letter of the law, which in a case like this can be very challenging; some of the other jurors struggled with it a great deal. (This isn’t to blow my own trumpet or anything; many would argue it was *me* who had the problem, in much the same way they often say lawyers are heartless, which isn’t true most of the time)

The case ended up being dismissed as the jury couldn’t reach a consensus - we got slated on social media (which of course I didn’t look at during the case, I caught up after), but we all stuck to our convictions and I know it was right; there’s a lot the public didn’t know or understand. As tough a case as it was, I’m glad I got to do it, it was a privilege in many ways. (But, I wouldn’t mind if it was a long time until I had to do it again, you know? lol.)

We had our phones taken from 9-5 while we were working - it’s the law - and I thought it was gonna be the worst after being glued to it constantly, but it was actually quite nice lmao. Not that I didn’t end up glued to it again once the case was over.

Fandom-wise, I have - finally - ended up taking a step back from the phandom a little bit in the last month or two. I want to talk about that a bit because it’s a complicated topic, and I see a lot of concerning posts - mainly on Twitter - that if you don’t maintain a certain level of dedication, if you join another fandom or get into something else or aren’t sufficiently devoted and supportive you - aren’t a true fan? Or something? Lots of posts along the lines of, ‘all these people getting into kpop/tv show/whatever, smh, don’t think we won’t remember when dan’s project drops and you all come running back’. It’s just a bit - weird? Like, it’s *perfectly normal* if people get into other stuff while dnp are cooking whatever they’re cooking (or not cooking, or whatever)? Or just move on, but still enjoy D&P? 

I’m not, like, dramatically leaving the fandom or anything. Hell, I haven’t *left* the fandom at all, I’m still here every day, it’s - more of a mental shift. Because prior to July/August-ish this year I really wasn’t in a good place with it. I wrote a thing earlier this year about struggling with writing, and belonging while not being a content creator, and other things … the issue is that, as I tend to do with my fandoms, I get too overinvested. And sometimes, that’s okay - whatever gets you through the night and all that - but in this case, I wasn’t enjoying it any more. Some parts I was - I’ve made the best friends I’ve ever had in a fandom here, and I really like seeing everyone on here - but in general, I was spending a lot of my time feeling anxious, resentful, worried, angry and frustrated. I spent a lot of last year and almost all of this one waiting for Godot; hating the “new normal” and desperately waiting for - something that’s never going to come. I just couldn’t deal with it; probably for reasons bigger than just D&P but that’s how it manifested. I got more and more frustrated by the content we were getting because it wasn’t what I’d hoped, and I hated feeling like that. It took up way too much of my thoughts and every day was just waiting, and wondering, and worrying. And I got so, so sick of it.

So, where am I now? Well, it was inevitable really, but I just started to - let go, a bit. I didn’t throw my hands up and go, ’bah, screw these guys!’, my mental focus just shifted (for my own good), and I started focussing on other things. Other fandoms. Games and hobbies I can distract myself with. I’ll admit it wouldn’t necessarily have been my *choice*, you know? But reality is what it is and I’m - relieved, really, that I’m not unnecessarily tormenting myself about it any more. It took me a long time to reach this place - too long, really - and, for now at least, it’s kind of nice. I can just enjoy things if/when they pop up without the accompanying sadness and anger about how everything is changed, about what has ended and what I’ve “lost”. (And it’s not 100%, by the way; it’s still there, just - quiet, now.) I can look at, I dunno, someone’s gifs of Dan or whatever, and just smile about it rather than feeling that grief. (Or, feel it, but not to the exclusion of everything else.) It’s - nicer.

And it isn’t at *all* that I don’t care any more, I still love them, of course I do, and will continue to follow them and watch everything they do. I’m not going anywhere. I still have notifs on, though they don’t quite send my heart into my throat like they did. ;) In a way it’s helping me love them more, because now when I watch them I enjoy it more, appreciating the fun and the bants without laser-focussing on my own anger and sadness. I’m still attending our little daily phannie watch-alongs, where we watch a couple of eps of DAPG and an anime. I’m still on phandom tumblr/twitter on the daily. It just - has a slightly smaller portion of my brain and mental energy now.

It was a step I needed to take, but also one I’m not sure I could have *chosen* to take, not without deliberately leaving and cutting it all off completely? And I didn’t want to do that. I’d hoped I’d get to this place earlier than this - some 20 months after the fact - but better late than never, I suppose.

(Also, disclaimer - fandom and the human heart are funny things, and I fully accept I can and probably will be sucked completely back in at any time.)

Anyway! SEE YOU AT THE QUIZ :D

[overthelillies]

fic recs for my friends

yeah okay so most/all of these are davekat im sorry!! arranged in no particular order also some of them are second person I Am Sorry.

Your Interpersonal, Intergalactic Relationship: A Beginner's Guide (8,400-something words)

A beginner's guide to playing hopscotch, overcoming internalized homophobia, and falling in love with your alien best friend.

friends to lovers! p cute

So It Goes (56,845 words)

They managed to win the game somehow. He's not really sure of the details, but it's not all it's cracked up to be. He's stuck in an unfamiliar body with a thirteen year old little brother who's terrified of him.

Somehow, he is sure this is his fault.

// i have not read this one. but strider angst and davekat yes please

Red Converse (26,648 words)

Due to a seizure, Karkat Vantas now has to learn how to live his life with two speech aphasia. He goes to therapy three times a week, suffers from awful headaches, and tries to avoid people as much as possible.

Due to a traumatic experience, Dave Strider refuses to use his words, preferring to relay his snarky comments and witty banter through sign language and typing on his phone.

They meet in a waiting room.

//THIS IS REALLY GOOD Altho they do have sex just skip it dw i promise it’s worth it

how...did you tell your friends (7,906 words)

Unfortunately, you don't fancy your brother's suggestion on how to break the news to John...

There's no other way out of it, you're going to have to just tell him.

//set after homestuck, dave tries to tell the most oblivious person in the world and also his best friend (john) that he and karkat are dating and it’s literally so good

Dave Strider’s Stupid Fucking Jawline (11,607 words)

Generic high school AU. Dave's jawline is really distracting and Karkat does NOT have a crush on him (shut up, Kanaya).

//high school au. lovely. good eating.

Gray and Red (16,084 words)

In which you only see color once you meet your soulmate, and the first color you see is the same as your soulmate's eyes.

//SOULMATE AU SOULMATE AU this is kinda very Angsty (Karkat do be pining doe) it’s p good

We’re All Friends & Family Here (And Frankly, We’re Sick Of Your Shit) (68,000 somethin words)

It's been about a year since the big Fast Forward, and sure, things on Earth C aren't perfect for everyone. But they're fine. Really. It's fine. Everything is super fuckin' swell, and that's that.

It's not like one night is going to change anything.

//post homestuck GOD THIS. IS SO GOOD okay so this fic is mainly dirkjake being fucking stupid with rosemary and davekat and also a lil roxy/calliope in the bg and it’s long but!!!! so very good

Red Ties (10,705 words)

Dave Strider's eyes never turned the color of his soulmates. With his rare eye-color, there's next to no chance they simply share an eye color.

One day he meets Karkat Vantas.

//another cute soulmate au! again. love the soulmate aus what can i say

i’m at the combination dunkin donuts & urgent care (3,920 words)

Karkat Vantas is convinced beyond a doubt that his neighbor is some variety of murderer, until they actually meet in person. Highlights include blood at the laundromat, Dave's weird obsession with candles, and a box of shitty swords.

//this is SO FUNNY short n sweet i promise

the calculation (2,481 words)

the fic in which Dave gets the flu for the first time since before the game and Karkat takes care of him.

//this fic is really funny and also sweet

Start At The Beginning (9,304)

//post-homestuck, Dave and karkat falling in love. the ending to thsi made me cry

I Love Cheap Thrills (4,773 words)

You’ve been trading memes with an international pop sensation, and your drunk ass had no idea.

Classic.

//this one is verrie funnie

Locked Up (9,272 words)

Dave had always been the one best prepared for the game. He was able to handle the shit it threw at them and push it down a lot better than everyone else could.

It might have fucked up everything else about him, but that didn't matter.

He was fine.

He was always fucking fine.

//angst. very nice

I’d Tap That (oh fuck i didn’t mean to tap that) (17,041 words)

Karkat finds his old school bully on Grindr. Dave doesn't know how to shut up.

// really funny!! sorry if these are getting redundant i don’t remember the details about some of these

Pale as Bone, Pale as Water (5,305 words)

//another davekat sickfic

Apple Juice, Chips, and Bandages (5,335 words)

Every time he comes in he gets the same three things. A bottle of apple juice, a bag of chips, and bandages.

//really cute!! they’re liddol and they’re friends it’s nice

The Land of Blood and Childhood Trauma (8,242 words)

When two dreambubbles collide, two anti-social assholes are forced to help each other through it.

//not quite as Angsty as it sounds! it’s good

ecdysis (6,077 words)

Karkat goes through his adult molt. Dave does his best to take it in stride.

//so i actually haven’t read this thought I did but Uh have it anyway it looks good

Self Sabotage and Other Symptoms of a Damaged Soul (10,698 words)

//basically dave grapples with his internalized homophobia, etc. very good

turntechGodhead is offline (36,999 words)

//I’ve already ranted to you guys enough about this you know what it’s abt it’s SO FREAKING GOOD

A Ten Step Plan For Wooing Karkat Vantas, Featuring A Multitude Of Illustrations By Your Esteemed Authors, As Well As Tips For The Aforementioned Wooing (11,261 words)

Kanaya, because she's a saint, makes you a list.

The list is entitled "A Ten Step Plan For Wooing Karkat Vantas" and features a multitude of illustrations in purple pen.

"So we're doing this," you say. Your mouth threatens to twitch into something dangerously smile-shaped.

"Yes," says Kanaya. "We are making this happen."

"Hell yes."

//dave n karkat! they go on a date. stuff happens. it’s really good

Catching Colds on a Rock in the Middle of Space (15,887)

Rose catches a bad cold and it slowly spreads to the rest of the meteor crew. None of them are particularly good at admitting they're sick, let alone looking after themselves, but at least they're decent at caring for each other.

//rosemary and davekat! VERY sweet

Dave’s Girl (2,527 words)

The thing is no one knew anything more about "Kitty" other than her delicious cooking (Dave obviously doesn't want to share – ever) but the guys are more or less already in love with her. Drew insists she's probably this blond bombshell with big, blue eyes, all curves with legs that go on forever and a great rack... Practically everyone in the team has their own opinion.

//this is so funny and also im a sucker for these kinds of tropes so it’s great

Songs Made on the Meteor (27,762 words)

Dave makes music and they fall in love.

//on my to-read list! it looks good

Looks Just Like The Sun (12,231 words)

“Holy shit,” you whisper. Dave joins you at the window.

There are no stars left in the sky. Nothing but blackness and a faint soap bubble sheen.

“Is that a dream bubble?” Dave says.

And then it swallows you.

//okay. does this have explicit sex? yes. does it have a very explicit image? yes. HOWEVER (hear me out here) I firmly believe that if you whizz pass those parts, this is a very good fic with great characterization and fun banter. send tweet

aight happy reading

[cupidhaos]

(2nd attempt lol) So I went through Newsflash! and Move! with a fine-toothed comb...

This is structured into 4 parts to make it a bit easier to read. The first part is interesting information I 'found' again after reading through everything with watchful eyes again. The second part is a listing of everyone who could've done it, and what reasons they may have. The third part is not necessarily informative, but still interesting stuff I 'found' while reading through it again. And last are questions I had or things which didn't add up for me. This is extremely long (the Word document I have is 6 pages long RIP), so grab a drink and get comfy. Also, this is mostly just based on what is in Newsflash! and Move! itself. Hope you'll enjoy!

Interesting information:

“It’s crucial to the plot that you know” (DK in Newsflash! 5) implies there’s a hidden plot, one we don’t see

“You’re going to make plenty of friends soon enough y/n” (DK in Newsflash! 5) Did DK orchestrate Y/N becoming friends with SVT? Why? Does he want to tear SVT down? But why through Y/N?

Oh, remember that girl who told the schoolboard about Jeonghan and Chaeyoung, angry Jeonghan planned on resigning from SVT for Chaeyoung? The one who essentially was the cause for Jeonghan & SVT ghosting Chaeyoung in the beginning of Newsflash! because she got word to Chaeyoung’s father and he threatened to take away their scholarships? Maybe it has something to do with her… (Newsflash! 10)

Joshua said himself that the others give up easily (Newsflash! 10) as soon as the situation becomes a bit dire

Newsflash! 11 “I know what it feels like to just have someone slip away from you when you could’ve done more” (Y/N texting w/ Mingyu) Who?? Is she talking about?? COULD IT BE A REASON FOR SOMEONE TO BE A BITCH TO Y/N???? Adding to that the next text: “You have the chance to fix things before it’s too late” WHEN WAS Y/N TOO LATE?? FOR WHOM??

The Barista from Newsflash! 13 (I FORGOT HER NAME I’M NOT IN THE LOOP WITH GIRLGROUPS) could’ve heard everything SVT+Chaeyoung talked about when they were locked in that back room… maybe that started something? (Edit: okay in Newsflash! 22 several girls comment on Y/N’s tweet and one has the same profile picture as the Barista… so her name is something along the lines of Hyunie?)

Newsflash! 17 DK texting “He’s not the one for you trust me Y/N” makes DK all the more suspicious. How do you know that? Who are you trying to set us up with?

Newsflash! 21 DK knew before Y/N said anything at all that Y/N was out with Jeonghan and that Jeonghan had kissed her. How did he know?

Newsflash! 23 DK texting “Guess we’ll just have to wait and see” makes me think he didn’t actually plan all this… but the use of the emoji makes him still suspicious. But if he didn’t plan this – why does he know so much?! Is he stalking Y/N? Why? For what reason?

Newsflash! 29 Name of one of Jeonghan’s clients was dropped – Eunha. Was she the one who bitched to the schoolboard? Wonwoo calls her ‘VIP client ;)’, which Jeonghan doesn’t really appreciate (“how about u shut the fuck up :)” Has all the passive aggressive energy in the world)

Newsflash! 31 Okay, so Yuta: ex-bf from Japan; Y/N’s first love (what was Joshua then? Didn’t Y/N leave Korea because Joshua didn’t return her feelings in Senior year Highschool?); cheated on her (did he really?); showed her pictures/nudes to his friends;

Newsflash! 31 Am I… the only one who is kind of suspicious of Wonwoo? Like, why was he there? I don’t believe he was there by chance. And even if he was, why would he help Y/N? What does he gain from this? Yeah, SVT’s motto is ‘respect women and make them feel happy’, but… it still seems suspicious to me.

Newsflash! 33 DK texting “that?? wasn’t??? supposed to happen????” “where did he even COME FROM” confirms a suspicion of mine – it wasn’t an accident that Wonwoo was there. Or maybe it was? Ugh, I don’t know. All I know is that Wonwoo and DK are both suspicious as hell.

Newsflash! 34 HOLD ON A MF SECOND JEON WONWOO HAS A CLIENT WHO IS CALLED SOHYE. A CLINGY CLIENT. SOHYE AND SOHEE AREN’T TOO FAR APART. MAYBE SISTERS…? A SISTER WHO IS MAD THAT HER SISTER WASN’T TREATED ALL THAT NICELY BY WONWOO. THAT’S WHY SHE’S AFTER Y/N – BECAUSE SHE THINKS Y/N AND WONWOO ARE ACTUALLY DATING. IT WOULD MAKE SO MUCH SENSE THO BECAUSE CUPIDHAOS ALSO SAID ‘Sohee is connected to SVT but not in a way you think’ THAT WAY SHE’S CONNECTED TO SVT (HER SISTER IS WONWOO’S CLIENT) AND WE DEFINITELY WOULD’VE NEVER THOUGHT OF THAT. YOOOOO

Newsflash! 37 Jeonghan chewing Y/N out… and showing a possible motive.

Also Y/N is a dumbass for believing you can’t get phones in Thailand. HOW DUMB DO YOU HAVE TO BE??? Honestly. I mean, I get it if they were like, in a really rural part of Thailand, but somehow I doubt that

Move! 3 DK not be cryptic for 1 minute challenge: failed. BOI- “oh y/n this is where the story starts my dear friend” ???? Dear friend sounds so threatening. Like, what did Y/N do to you?

Move! 4 Why does Seungkwan want to keep Y/N away from SVT so desperately? Like, if Y/N can prove to them that the whole thread is a lie, she has 6 more people on her side. That would give her a lot more credibility, to be honest. Does Seungkwan have a reason for keeping Y/N away from SVT?

Move! 4 Chaeyoung is… surprisingly good… and QUICK… at getting Jimin’s and Seokjin’s number… even after they changed it… That’s suspicious. How good is Chaeyoung with tech?

Move! 4 Someone wanted Y/N info. And they were willing to pay for it. (This is before Y/N left, right after Jihoon posted the picture of being on the train to Busan with Y/N. So someone planned all this before Y/N even left.)

Move! 4 Jimin’s and Seokjin’s education and jobs have been threatened. (By whom exactly? Schoolboard? Or just a ‘random’ person? An anonymous person? They don’t know either – anonymous.) They were forbidden from talking to SVT (someone wants to prevent SVT from finding out the truth…) or explaining themselves.

Move! 5 Y/N mentions deleting all the photos she had of Yuta from her phone. But maybe Yuta still had some? Also (that happened to me) if you have a Google account and don’t adjust your setting, pictures taken on your phone will be saved on your Google Drive. As a backup. (I once deadass couldn’t get rid of 3 GB WORTH OF PICTURES BECAUSE OF THIS). Maybe that’s how someone got the pictures? Hacked Y/N’s email?

Move! 5 Soonyoung is very quick to point to Yuta. Then again, Yuta looks very suspicious. So… a ruse, probably.

Move! 5 DK “I trust no one and you shouldnt either” just… why should we trust YOU telling us not to trust anyone? Hm?

Move! 5 Vernon still hanging out with SVT (when did he even become friends with them? Nothing of that was mentioned during Newsflash! ? How did that happen??) is very suspicious. Like, isn’t there a conflict of interest? Or is he just stringing along either side? Making SVT believe he is on their side, or making Y/N believe he is on her side. Also, has Vernon met Sohee?? Or did he only hang out with SVT before the thread was posted? (But if that were the case… Minghao wouldn’t retweet it and Wonwoo wouldn’t say ‘we should do that again’.) Vernon, you’re very suspicious now.

Move! 5 Also interesting to note: Vernon practically pushes Y/N into Wonwoo’s direction. First saying that Mingaho isn’t a fan of Y/N anymore (true, I guess), but then leading her to Wonwoo? Did he know Wonwoo was the weakest link/the one who had doubts? Does he know Wonwoo still has feelings for Y/N, and is trying to push them together? Is Vernon playing something???

Move! 6 “You just disappearing out of nowhere was a bit weird” HOE YOU SAW EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENED??? SEUNGCHEOL, MINGYU, JEONGHAN AND Y/N WERE IN YOUR APARTMENT ON THAT EVENING??? YOU WITNESSED HOW JEONGHAN YELLED AT Y/N WHEN SHE WAS ALREADY A MESS?? AND YOU THINK IT’S WEIRD SHE RAN AWAY AND NEEDED SOME TIME? BOI-

Move! 6 One of Wonwoo’s answers indicated that he didn’t text Seungkwan or Chaeyoung and never asked for clarification, but just believed Sohee. He also never asked Vernon or Chan (again, why Vernon? And why is DK and Hoshi missing here??)

Move! 7 Jihoon mentions Y/N being pulled into things she didn’t do since Sohee appeared – is he talking about the thread saying Y/N manipulated Wonwoo (a whole lie, and SVT KNOWS THAT), or is there something more? Wasn’t there once the talk of rumors? What kind of rumors? More than what is written in the thread??? Ouf…

Move! 7 Mingyu outright says "Wonwoo I thought you liked Sohee…" Makes me suspicious. Did Sohee specifically target Wonwoo? Or is Wonwoo just pretending to be on Y/N's side? Hm...

Move! 8 DK clearly hinting towards Yuta being behind it all… but can we trust DK.

Suspects and why they would do it:

Chaeyoung:

Might still hold a massive grudge against SVT, and doesn’t want Y/N associate with them (Not logical – why would Jihoon and Wonwoo be okay? Why would she keep them around? They’re SVT too, and they ghosted her too, unlike Joshua.)

Might still hold a massive grudge against SVT and wants to get revenge (Once again – why are Jihoon and Wonwoo fine? They are/were SVT too.) (Thread/Rumors mainly hurt Y/N, not SVT.)

Holds a massive grudge against a specific member (don’t know who – maybe Jeonghan? Maybe one of the guys who overran Y/N?) and wants to ruin them. Orchestrated this whole thing and ‘leads’ the ‘investigation’ so it’ll lead to (a) certain member(s), in order to ruin them or keep them away from Y/N.

Got extremely jealous with how popular Y/N became with SVT. SVT is neglecting her once again, and Y/N is neglecting her as well, hanging out with her new friends instead. So, she wants to keep Y/N away from them, and hopes that this break of trust will cause Y/N to not be friends with SVT anymore, even if the situation gets cleared. She can be friends with Y/N again, Y/N will spend a lot of time with her again, and Chaeyoung’s happy again. (Might be psycho, but who knows…? Some people are crazy. And Chaeyoung seems very bossy with Y/N. (Granted Y/N needs it because DEAR LORD but still…))

General Reason for SVT members:

They feel betrayed and used by Y/N. She just left them, without even saying goodbye to them (she only texted Joshua before she left, as far as we know). They feel manipulated by her, and want to get revenge on her.

Or stereotypical ‘If I cannot have her, no one can have her’ or ‘If he cannot have her, no one can have her’. Y/N doesn’t want to be her girlfriend? (Or the girlfriend of one of their friends – JH and SC, for example.) Then you’ll be no one’s girlfriend. And I’ll drag you down.

Seungcheol:

Angry and hurt that Y/N immediately ran away after he got injured (for her, might I add), so he might feel like he was manipulated 

Jeonghan:

Angered at how Y/N treated Seungcheol and the rest of SVT, unknowingly strumming everyone along. Literally blamed Y/N for ‘everything going to shit’ into her face. Could be prone to enlisting the help of someone to tear Y/N down.

Joshua:

Extremely frustrated with Y/N. Feels betrayed by her and wants revenge. Finally snapped.

(Feels like he doesn’t know his friend anymore, which is why he believes so easily.)

Jun:

Deeply hurt that Y/N just went away without even saying anything. Wants to get revenge on her. Feels like she didn’t give him a chance, and now wants her to pay for it.

Soonyoung:

Frustrated that Y/N is only spending time with SVT now, wants to bring her back to her old circle of friends

Wonwoo:

Fell in love with Y/N, realized there’s too much competition and decided to get rid of them. (But why would he be hesitant when Y/N contacts him? Wouldn’t he want to be immediately on her side, to get into her good graces? But that could make him suspicious again… Hm…)

Fell in love with Y/N before the others did, before Jeonghan ever saw her in Communications class. Knows the others are competition, and wants to separate Y/N from them, hoping the break of trust will prevent Y/N from getting close to them.

Jihoon:

Knows all of the members. Knows they’re not good for Y/N. Wants to keep them away from Y/N. Hopes the massive break of trust will prevent Y/N from becoming friends with them again, even after the situation is cleared up. ’Leads’ the ‘investigation’ with Chaeyoung to lead it away from himself.

DK:

Homeboy knows too much. He said ‘and this is where the plot begins’ when Jeonghan sat next to Y/N at the beginning of Newsflash!. Always knew what was going on, even if it were unlikely for him to know. Could there be a reason for him orchestrating everything? Did Y/N wrong him at some point?

I feel like we all forget that in the first profile post, it’s stated that Mingyu and DK are close friends. Maybe he got über salty at Y/N not getting together with Mingyu, like he wanted to (?)?

Mingyu:

Feels abandoned by Y/N. Wants her to feel the same abandonment.

Minghao:

In the same class as Y/N – maybe a petty ass reason but she could’ve been too much competition? So he wanted to get rid of her? Essentially make her so disliked she’s forced to leave for her own sake.

Seungkwan:

Frustrated that Y/N spent so much time with her new friends, barely finding time for her old friends.

Vernon:

Maybe wanted to get into SVT, but got rejected. Tries to shake them up (Wonwoo and Jihoon left SVT already) so he maybe gets a chance to join SVT.

Seems to know an awful lot; pointed Y/N into Wonwoo’s direction. If not the culprit, then someone who helped? But why would he betray his friend? Well… has Y/N been a good friend?

Chan:

Same as Vernon possibly.

Mad that Y/N doesn’t hang out with him and the others as much anymore, and wants to bring her away from SVT.

Yuta:

Angry that Y/N won’t take him back, and that she humiliated him in public (she hit him and called him a dick)

First plan (just outright ask Y/N to come back to him) didn’t work. Now, next plan is set in motion.

(Most likely to be a red herring. He’s a bit too obvious.)

Yiren:

Y/N ‘stole’ Jun from her for a moment. He’s back with her now (both of them are Clownsssss), but still – hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. It could be a reason why she would want to harm Y/N, and make her stay away from Jun.

Sohye:

Clingy client of Wonwoo. Is not happy AT ALL that her favorite SVT member is spending so much time with another girl, someone who is not a client. Maybe wants to get rid of Y/N and keep Wonwoo to herself?

Sohee: Popular Theories:

Ex of Yuta who’s angry at Y/N because Yuta dumped her to get Y/N back. Wants to ruin her to get back at her.

Related to Seungcheol/Chaeyoung/Seungkwan/Anyone and either isn’t happy with how Y/N treated her (relative is not a dick in this route) or is the henchman of her relative, who holds a serious grudge against Y/N and wants to see her go down.

Ex-friend of Y/N who is angry that Y/N abandoned and forgot about her. (Maybe she was mentioned in Newsflash! 11?)

My theory:

Sister/Cousin/Very close friend of Sohye (clingy client of Wonwoo). Angered to see her sister/cousin/close friend being ignored by Wonwoo and not have his full attention anymore. Also think Wonwoo might be falling for Y/N, and doesn’t want her sister/cousin/close friend to experience heartbreak.

Chaeyoung’s Father:

Already has a history of being controlling over who interacts with his daughter

(Is he still part of the Schoolboard? And does the School still restrict SVT, or is that no more?)

What does he see: His daughter in distress, talking to SVT again, leaving for an entire summer… all because of who? Y/N.

Knows he can’t separate Chaeyoung from Y/N – childhood friends after all – but he can separate Y/N and Chaeyoung from SVT. Then he can start working on separating them.

‘Bitchy’ Client of Jeonghan (Eunha?):

Could be the one who bitched to the schoolboard when Jeonghan wanted to resign from SVT for Chaeyoung – or not.

Could be jealous of Y/N taking Jeonghan away from her, and wants to keep him away from Y/N

Jaehyun:

That one dude Chaeyoung dated for a hot second (were they really together??), best friends with Yuta (makes him suspicious!)

Could be in on the whole plot, planned to get to Y/N through Chaeyoung, but after that failed, they’re now doing Plan B

Unknown:

In Newsflash! 11 Y/N mentioned she once was too late in mending her relationship with someone. (She let someone slip away, as she said it.) Who was it? And could it be that the person is back, angry at Y/N for letting her slip away and wanting to get revenge?

Funny-informative things:

Seungcheol considered Joshua still a brother, even after Joshua left SVT and basically told them to get lost. So it’s extra ironic that he told Jihoon to leave because of a girl he just met ~2 months ago (Newsflash! 4)

You know, it’s really ironic – in Newsflash! 10 Joshua cites the fact that SVT just left Chaeyoung behind as his reason as to why he doesn’t tell Chaeyoung the truth. It’s very obvious he’s angry about them just leaving her. But look at what he’s doing now, leaving his friend of YEARS for… well, poor reasons. At least poorer reasons than SVT had to avoid Chaeyoung. Their education was at stake, while for him… what is at stake?

I like Jun calling Mingaho out on his bullshit in Newsflash! 22. First telling Jun that Y/N doesn’t like him that way and that he should go on a date with Yiren but then later on turn around and tell him ‘omg it was obvious she had feelings for you why did you play with her!!!’ Hao you just sank.

Newsflash! 26 Joshua’s whole tirade about “You should come to me when you need something, I should walk you home at night, it should be me, not Jun or Mingyu or Jeonghan” just rubs me in the wrong way. Like, dude – you weren’t there for her, but others were. So Y/N learned ‘oh, ok, can’t go to Joshua, I’ll go to someone else’. You can’t blame her for that. She went and found a different support system because you weren’t there for her. Stop being so controlling and demanding – even if you’re her friend since childhood, she doesn’t owe you shit. She doesn’t have to rely just on you, and doesn’t owe you a relationship. (Gosh, sorry went off on a tangent.)

Newsflash! 28 Jeonghan saying he’ll wait for Y/N until she’s ready (a whOLE LIE)

Newsflash! 36 Y/N doing the right thing and PUNCHING YUTA LIKE HE DESERVES GOODBYE HOE

THE MF IRONY OF JUN TEXTING “you don’t have any rights rn ur a dick” TO JEONGHAN IN Newsflash! 38 I’M DIEING XD HONEY, YOU ARE DICK YOURSELF. AND YOU’LL CONTINUE TO BE A DICK. GOSH YOU’RE MY BIAS WRECKER BUT HONESTLY SCREW Newsflash!/Move!Jun (Can we please get a moment where Jeonghan is convinced of Y/N's innocence but Jun doesn't believe her stubbornly, making Y/N cry, and then later when he sees he was wrong and tries to apologize Jeonghan pulls a "you don't have any right rn ur a dick" PLEASE???)

Also thank you Lee Jihoon for telling the guys they need to freaking CHILL. “throwing yourselves at her like DOGS” is exactly the phrase I would’ve used. 10/10 (Newsflash! 38)

Newsflash! 40 Joshua being a whole clown and texting “ill wait an eternity for you even if I get heartbroken in the end” like yeah, look at where you are now

Okay so to get this right: Y/N, Chaeyoung and Seungkwan have left for 1 week; Y/N drops her phone into a river in Thailand; that same week the thread was posted (but not on the exact same day?); very soon after that Sohee shows up and lies. That's… quick. How did no one of SVT think "wait, how come she showed up so soon after the thread was posted??" They really have -5 braincells, huh.

Questions I have/Things which don't add up for me:

Why was Chae’s Dad okay with Joshua still being friends with Chaeyoung? Is it because they didn’t have a thing for each other? Also, Chaeyoung's father still could've threatened Joshua. Either by threatening to take away his scholarship (if he has one) or by threatening to kick him out of university. Why was Joshua fine?

Why was it only Joshua who held to Chaeyoung when shit went down back then? I can understand Jeonghan, since his education was threatened, and Seungcheol, since he seems to be close with Jeonghan. But all the others? Did none of them, of all 12 (10) of them, care enough for Chaeyoung to say ‘I am resigning from SVT, I want to keep being friends with you’? My point is: it seems that SVT has a history of dropping people quite easily. Especially girls. Which is ironic, since SVT’s motto/theme is about respecting women and making them feel happy.

Then again - for how long have Joshua and Chaeyoung been friends? For how long have Chaeyoung and Y/N been friends? We know Joshua and Y/N are childhood friends (as far as I remember), but since Joshua said he met Chaeyoung during his time in SVT and only got close to her at that point, I don't think Y/N and Chaeyoung were childhood friends. But we also know Chaeyoung and Y/N were friends in Highschool, or else Chaeyoung wouldn't know about the reason why Y/N left for Japan. So... was Joshua just not aware of Chaeyoung, the best friend of his childhood friend? (How would that work??)

How did Y/N not know of SVT at the beginning of Newsflash! ? Like, she has to ask Chaeyoung who they are, even though Y/N has already been there for 2 Quarters. I get being a reclusive, I am too, but even I know about the very popular stuff going on around me. And SVT has to be popular. A host club/frat like theirs, not popular? They wouldn't bring in money if they weren't. And they do, as far as we know. So... is Y/N so unaware of her surroundings?

What also confuses me – we know Chaeyoung and Y/N have history. We know Y/N and Joshua have history. But Seungkwan and Y/N? We don’t know about them. We’re told he’s close friends with Y/N (Mingyu asking Seungkwan for help for getting Y/N and Seungcheol together, Seungkwan being the one to travel along Chaeyoung and Y/N), but we don’t see it. We see as much of their friendship – even less – than of Y/N’s friendship with Vernon, Dino, Hoshi and DK. I’m just- what’s their history? Why was he the one to travel alongside Chaeyoung and Y/N? Yeah, Chaeyoung said it’s because he’s not trying to get into Y/N’s pants, but… neither is Vernon or Dino. Or Seokmin. Hoshi is on shaky grounds, but I don’t think he wants to either. So, why Seungkwan?

Did DK and Y/N ever actually meet? Either during Newsflash! or Move! ? Because we know Y/N spent time with Vernon, Chan, Seungkwan, Soonyoung, Joshua and Chaeyoung on different occasions, but never was there any talk of DK. Speaking of which - how did DK and Y/N become friends? Was DK just an 'add-on' when Y/N started tutoring Chan and became friends with him? Does that really make them friends?

And... that's all I have. Sorry if I lost some things when I re-submitted them! And let's hope it'll work now!!

I really love what you do. Keep up the amazing work!!! 💕💕

[eleanor-writes-stuff]

slide into my DMs [ficlet, i/iii]

Rey has an problem. Ben has a solution. Twitter brings them together.

OR: in which Ben shoots his shot - in the sweetest, most respectful, no-pressure way possible, because this is Ben Solo we’re talking about.

PART I: SHOOT YOUR SHOT | PART II | PART III

Update from the hell that is writer’s block: I’m still incapable of writing my usual proper one-shots. Instead, here’s yet another mini-fic that no one asked for - this time featuring social media, because I’m hip with the kids.

Also available on AO3.

Rey has been locked in a staring contest with her shower head for about five minutes now.

It’s been two hours since she got home from her shift at Maz’s, and she would like nothing more than to wash off the lingering smell of fried food and spilled beer. But fall has finally arrived and brought with it even-colder-than-usual ice water, and Rey can feel her lungs shaking at the mere thought of the shower that awaits her.

“Fuck everything,” she huffs, backing away from the shower for the fourth time in thirty minutes. Her phone sits on the countertop, lighting up every so often with notifications from friends tweeting about their super fun Friday night at the latest culinary hotspot or sharing bathroom selfies from fancy clubs Rey wouldn’t even be hired to work at, let alone be allowed into. Ignoring all of her classmates’ posturing, she quickly types out a tweet of her own.

endless pit @reyofsunshine

day 51 of ice cold showers because my landlord is a fucking cheapskate who refuses to fix anything

Bitching about her situation on social media won’t magically heat up her water, but it’s better than glaring at the cracked tiles of her bathroom wall. Even scrolling past everyone else’s over-the-top pictures seems preferable to a shower at this point, and Rey finally gives up – for now – as she trudges back into her bedroom and perches on the edge of her bed while she scoffs and laughs and shakes her head at her friends’ antics.

Finn, Rose, and Poe are at that weird new edible flower café, and based on their pictures she can tell Rose is about as baffled by the menu as she had been.

Jess and Kaydel finally managed to get a table at Coruscant, but they don’t seem that impressed by the itty-bitty portion sizes and the comparatively monstrous price tags.

Hux is in his usual Friday night hangout spot, spamming everyone’s feeds with bathroom selfies featuring the tacky gold wallpaper that’s unique to Finalizer, the most overpriced club in town. And judging by the way his cheeks match his hair, her least favorite classmate is already drunk as a skunk.

“Fun,” Rey mutters to herself as she navigates away from the app and moves to set her phone aside. It buzzes just before she can put it down, and a quick tap at the screen reveals one unread message from–

Rey tilts her head as she considers the sight of Ben Solo in her notifications. Have they ever even interacted on Twitter? They’ve traded messages on Instagram, mainly just snarky replies to each other’s stories, and they talk all the time in the group chat Poe added them to at the beginning of the semester, but this… this is new.

Ben Solo @accidentalgiant I’ve got a great shower.

endless pit @reyofsunshine how nice for you

Rey replies almost immediately, rolling her eyes at Ben and his trust fund apartment in the nice part of town. Forget hot water; the guy probably has actual water pressure and one of those fancy massage shower heads.

He sees her message, and then takes his own sweet time writing and deleting, writing and deleting until–

Ben Solo @accidentalgiant And a really comfortable bed too. In case I wasn’t being obvious enough.

“Oh,” Rey says out loud, and somehow that single, dumbfounded word appears on her screen a second later.

Ben’s… her friend, in a way. More Poe’s friend than hers, but they still interact often enough that she counts him among the ten or so actual friends she’s made in her two years at college. He’s nice enough when he’s not giving her a hard time, but then again she’s always being an ass to him in return; it’s not like they even mean anything by it at this point, it’s just their thing.

Which makes this conversation all the more bizarre and unexpected, given the usual tone of their friendship.

Ben Solo @accidentalgiant And a fully-stocked fridge.

Rey laughs despite her confusion.

endless pit @reyofsunshine next time lead with that

Next time? Next time?

Ben replies before she can freak out and rush into damage control mode.

Ben Solo @accidentalgiant Noted. So… Wanna come over?

She snorts at her phone and replies with the first thought that comes to mind, guiding them back to familiar ground.

endless pit @reyofsunshine wow you must be desperate bit of a dry spell, Solo?

But Ben’s always been stubborn – just as stubborn as her, according to Poe – so it comes as no surprise when he refuses to be herded back to safety.

Ben Solo @accidentalgiant It doesn’t have to be like that. I just thought it’d be nice to spend time with you.

endless pit @reyofsunshine spend time with me? is that what they’re calling it these days?

Rey smirks as she watches the telltale dots appear and disappear, trying to picture Ben’s reaction on the other end of the conversation. Whether or not he meant it that way, she’d bet a good chunk of this month’s paycheck that he’s already blushing. It gives him away every time, even when he manages to bite back a smile and maintain intense eye contact – which he does with her a lot, now that Rey thinks about it.

Maybe she should’ve seen this coming.

Ben Solo @accidentalgiant Rey. I’m serious.

He’s got his serious face on, then – the one he wears in class, the one she occasionally sneaks glances at because the focus in his eyes is… admirable. His attention span in a class full of kids who are half-asleep is admirable, that’s all, and it’s not like she sometimes wonders what it’d feel like to have him look at her with that kind of single-minded focus.

endless pit @reyofsunshine so you’re asking me to go over for a free meal and a hot shower and then we’ll just… what, cuddle up in front of the TV?

It’s a cozy little scene right out of the domestic daydreams Rey tells herself she absolutely doesn’t have, but this is college. And Ben, decent though he may be, is still a college boy. Maybe he has a TV in his bedroom. Maybe this is the part where he not-so-jokingly suggests that they Netflix and chill.

Ben Solo @accidentalgiant If that’s what you want.

Rey blinks at her screen and waits for him to add to that, to pepper their chat with increasingly suggestive alternative options for the evening.

A full minute later, it finally dawns on her.

endless pit @reyofsunshine wait oh my god you’re serious you actually mean that

She’s so caught up in her own thoughts that she fails to realize just how insulting her disbelief might be until Ben opts to ignore her in favor of cutting straight to the chase.

Ben Solo @accidentalgiant Yes or no, Rey?

He’s probably pacing the length of his apartment now, running one hand through his hair while he scowls at his phone, berating himself for even trying–

It’s an oddly displeasing image, especially when accompanied by the realization that there’s no reason for him to be so agitated – not when she’s surprisingly keen to say yes. But…

endless pit @reyofsunshine i’m carless this week and you’re way too far for me to walk

It seems like a poor excuse even to her, but Rey crosses her fingers and bites her lip and hopes Ben takes it as anything but, hopes he can tell how much she actually does want to spend the evening with him and his hot shower and his full fridge.

Ben Solo @accidentalgiant I could go pick you up. If you want to come over.

Despite her relief, Rey finds herself staring at his message.

endless pit @reyofsunshine seriously???

Ben Solo @accidentalgiant Sure, why not?

endless pit @reyofsunshine let me get this straight you’re gonna drive twenty minutes in the dark to pick me up take me to your place, feed me, and let me use your shower no funny business and you’re totally fine with that??

His reply comes not two seconds later, and sweeps away the last of Rey’s hesitation.

Ben Solo @accidentalgiant Sounds good to me.

This man is not real. This man cannot be real.

But Rey’s been through enough crap in her life to know when something good is in front of her, and this could definitely be good. Great, even.

endless pit @reyofsunshine okay then let me know when you’re here

Ben Solo @accidentalgiant Will do, sweetheart. See you soon.

Rey stares at that message until her screen goes dark, and then it’s a mad rush to empty out her backpack and repack it with her nicest sleeping clothes.

Ben might not be planning on funny business, but she’s reasonably sure he wouldn’t object to it.

This is at least 60% DMs because I have no idea what the fuck I’m doing anymore - other than clearing out my dusty WIPs I thought I’d never write folder, apparently.

As always, thank you for reading and I hope you gained at least some entertainment from this silly little thing. Please don’t hesitate to like/reblog/leave a comment!

UPDATE: somehow this has spawned a second chapter and a tiny epilogue.

AO3 | Ko-fi | Twitter

[oflopez-blog1]

counselor olympics → task 002

total questions answered: 150

1. if they were a candle, what scent would they be?

strawberry & candy cane !

2. what female celebrity do they wish was their sister?

1000% lauren jauregui

3. what male celebrity do they wish was their brother?

ooooooooo probably jordan fisher

4. how old do they think they’ll be when they get married?

she hopes around 25 / 26 but she won’t be upset if it takes longer

5. how many countries have they been to?

only the one she currently lives in !

6. what would they name their daughter if they had one?

either sofia or isabella / bella

7. what would they name their son if they had one?

diego !!

8. what was their favorite tv show as a child?

she was only really allowed to watch one show & she picked Spongebob 

9. what language, besides their native language, would they like to be fluent in?

her native language is spanish but she’s also very fluent in english

10. would they ever change their name? if so, to what?

she really loves her name because it’s also her grandmother’s name. I honestly don’t think she’d change it

11. what was the last compliment they got?

“you look so good in yellow”

12. what is their favorite flavor of tea?

CHERRY & ALMOND !

13. how did they find out that santa and the easter bunny weren’t real?

she never really had the chance to believe in them in the first place ? val never celebrated easter & her mom gave her money to buy things for herself during christmas

14. what is their hogwarts house? (recommended: take pottermore quiz)

hufflepuff !!

15. what tarot card are they?

the sun card

16. are they more of a marvel or dc fan?

neither ! she never got the chance to watch them

17. who is their favorite superhero?

probably wonder woman

18. everyone has a song that deeply reminds them of their childhood. what is theirs?

skyscraper by demi lovato

19. what are the meanings of their first, middle, and last name?

valeria  = “to be strong”

rae = ?? ( I couldn’t find the meaning )

lopez = “son of lope”

20. have they ever stolen a street sign before?

nooooooo never

21. what is their biggest pet peeve?

people touching her / walking slow in front of her

22. if they were a month, what month would they be?

I think she’d be the month of May

23. what is their least favorite movie?

friday the 13th

24. what five movies would they bring with them if they were stuck on a deserted island?

a basket of lil snacks

paper + pencils

her anxiety pills

bathing suit

fire starter kit

25. out of all of the late night talk show hosts, who is their favorite?

she doesn’t know any of them !

26. what are three things they are afraid of?

confronting her mother

snakes

super deep water

27. what was the first concert they went to?

she’s never been to one

28. is there a nickname that only their family calls them?

val !

29. what side of the bed do they sleep on?

she has a small bed so she sleeps in the middle

30. what is their favorite comfort food?

definitely bread pudding

31. what award shows do they watch?

her mother used to watch the grammy’s and val would listen in so probably the grammy’s

32. do they have any weird body skills (example: being double jointed)?

she can do that flower thing with her tongue

33. if they drink coffee, what is their coffee order?

she love macchiatos

34. what social media platforms do they have?

all of them but she uses instagram the most

35. are they a cat or dog person?

dogs 10000000000%

36. if they were a supernatural creature, what would they be?

either an elf or a nymph

37. what show are they currently watching on netflix/hulu?

mainly bob’s burgers & the hollow

38. what is their favorite disney movie?

lilo & stitch all the way

39. do they wear any perfume or cologne? 

she wears a pretty citrus-y body mist 

40. what genres of music do they listen to?

mostly pop + acoustic

41. have they ever seen the bee movie?

nO

42. what are their favorite memes?

you died memes

43. what celebrities do they share a birthday with?

brendon urie, saoirse ronan & jennifer morrison

44. what is their moon (zodiac) sign?

cancer

45. which of the seven cardinal sins do they embody the most?

of the 7, she’s probably most like envy because she didn’t experience a childhood worth being happy about & she gets envious of people who did

46. do they watch sports on television? if so what ones?

even if she was allowed to, I don’t think she’d watch sports tbh

47. what do they put on their typical sandwich?

tomatoes, ham and mustard

48. what was the name of their first significant other?

his name was dwight

49. do they care if people think badly of them?

it depends on the day tbh but for the most part, she doesn’t care 

50. what was the last thing that made them cry?

one of the kids told her she was least fun of all the counselors because she was so quiet

51. are they an iphone or samsung user?

iphone ( rose gold with this case )

52. what type of computer do they use (example: apple)?

a mac computer

53. what is one of their nervous habits?

bites the side of her tongue

54. out of all reality shows, which one would they have a chance winning?

big brother 

55. would they ever go bungee jumping or skydiving?

n O omg she’d be way too scared

56. what do they call their grandparents?

abuela + abuelo

57. what do they do when they can’t sleep?

read or scroll through social media or use her ouija board

58. what time do they normally go to bed?

usually around 10pm

59. if they have instagram, what was the last picture that they posted?

this captioned with “lunch is my favourite time of day”

60. if they have twittter, what was the last thing that they tweeted?

“does anyone know where I left my sunscreen?? or can I please borrow someones”

61. who is their otp?

kara + luther from detroit become human

62. do they like sweet, salty, or sour?

sour !!

63. did they play any sports in the past?

she tried to get involved + play soccer but it didn’t end up working out

64. what is their favorite cheesy pick up line?

did the sun come out or did you just smile at me?

65. what tv show or movie is their guilty pleasure?

she loves to watch Nailed It

66. if they were a fruit, what fruit would they be?

honeydew

67. do they sing in the shower?

YES ! she performs

68. what is their favorite type of chips?

sweet chili heat doritos

69. do they drink juice? if so, what is their favorite kind?

she l o v e s fruit punch

70. what is more important to them: power, money, friends, family, love, or fame?

friends + love

71. what does their handwriting look like?

72. do they have reoccurring dreams? if not, what is their most memorable dream?

she doesn’t usually remember her dreams but one that she has never been able to forget is she was sitting at the dinner table during dinner and her father walked in and they had dinner as a family and then a big tornado came and he sacrificed himself for her and he kept saying how much he loved her. she woke up crying

73. if they were a taste, what would it be?

salted caramel 

74. what is one random fun fact about them?

she doesn’t have good memory

75. what is their lucky number?

12 and 34

76. do they have any pets?

no but she really wants to adopt one

77. do they believe in the paranormal or the supernatural?

YES!!!! she does

78. have they ever had any paranormal experiences?

yes, she’s surprisingly had a lot??

79. can they sing or dance?

she’s a great dancer

80. who is the first person they call/text when something exciting happens?

usually theo

81. what is their social media handle?

littlelopez

82. what swear word do they use/like the most?

“shit”

83. what is their ideal first date?

sitting on the beach, watching the sunset + having a nice picnic

84. if they were a type of weather, what would they be?

stormy

85. what is their least favorite holiday?

valentine’s day

86. what is the first thing that they do in the morning?

put on her slippers

87. who is their ultimate celebrity crush?

JESSE WILLIAMS

88. do they usually pay with cash or card?

with cash unless she absolutely has to use her card

89. what was the last thing that they bought?

a new pair of sunglasses

90. are they a good or bad driver?

she’s a decent driver. not the best but not the worst

91. if they could meet one person (from history or currently alive), who would it be?

probably marilyn monroe

92. have they ever gotten into a physical fight?

yes but she didn’t fight back

93. do they prefer pepsi or coke?

she doesn’t like either

94. do they prefer the city or the suburbs?

suburbs 1000000%

95. do they have any special or odd talents?

she........ can eyebrow dance

96. when they were little, what did they want to be when they grew up?

she knew she wanted to help people so either a social worker or a therapist

97. do they have any favorite smells?

she loves the smell of cookies, caramel, vanilla, lavender + green tea

98. if they could visit any place in the world, where would they go?

either italy or france

99. do they wear jewelry?

yes. her father’s old necklace, she never takes it off

100. who is the last person they talked to on the phone?

her grandpa. he wanted to check up on her

101. do they prefer ‘would you rather’ or ‘truth or dare’?

would you rather. truth or dare just makes her ... nervous

102. what has been their favorite halloween costume yet?

when she dressed up as Belle ( from beauty and the beast )

103. do they like horror movies?

she HA T E S them

104. what is their typical breakfast like?

cereal and toast with honey on it

105. are they a netflix or hulu person?

netflix. she probably doesn’t even know what hulu is lMAO

106. do they like to gossip?

not at all. she stays as far away from it as possible

107. if they were a song, what one would they be?

hold on just a little while longer ( idk who originally sings it )

108. what was their best subject in school?

math!!

109. what was their worst subject in school?

she wasn’t very good at gym, mainly due to shyness

110. have they ever met anyone famous?

not yet but she wants to

111. who was their childhood hero?

her grandma :)

112. were any tv shows or movies that they weren’t allowed to watch as a child?

anything horror or that had sexual innuendos or gore

113. what is the strangest thing they have ever eaten?

celery, peanut butter + raisins

114. do they prefer friends or family?

friends, for sure

115. how do they feel about pineapple on pizza?

she doesn’t like pizza so she doesn’t really care for it

116. do they put the milk or cereal in the bowl first?

milk first & then cereal

117. how do they think dogs would wear pants?

option #2. she thinks it would be too hard for dogs to walk if pants were on all 4 of their legs

118. do they believe in luck or fate?

she definitely does

119. do they use emojis when they text?

y e s, all the time

120. who was their favorite character on friends?

she never got the chance to watch it :(

121. what character on friends are they most like?

probably phoebe 

122. would they rather read the books or watch the movies?

read the books 10000%

123. what is their favorite time of day?

evening

124. did they watch the teletubbies as a child? if so, who was their favorite?

as a young kiddo, yes. her favourite was laa-laa

125. do they check the rating (like a rotten tomatoes rating) of a movie before they go and see one?

it doesn’t cross her mind to, especially if she’s excited about the movie

126. do they have any favorite old hollywood movie stars?

umMmM , not really tbh?

127. if they had to live in any other decade, which would they choose?

1950s for sure

128. if they could only listen to five music albums for the rest of their life, which ones would they choose?

confident > demi lovato

red > taylor swift

+ > ed sheeran

you > dodie clark

get weird > little mix

129. do they believe in heaven/hell or reincarnation?

she believes in reincarnation 

130. do they like chewing gum?

she does indeed

131. do they like to go see musicals or plays?

though she has never seen them, she would love to see both of them

132. were they apart of any clubs or teams in high school or college?

she was in a book club for a lot of high school and also the soccer team but she quit shortly after being accepted into the team

133. what was their high school superlative?

math surprisingly

134. are they good at cooking or baking?

she’s super good at baking & decent at cooking

135. could they beat bobby flay?

probably not tbh she’s more of a baker than a cooker

136. do they watch actual television? if so, what channels do they watch?

only cartoons tbh

137. have they ever seen rupaul’s drag race?

no :( she definitely wouldn’t have been allowed to

138. do they prefer pink or yellow lemonade?

definitely pink > yellow

139. could they lip sync for their life?

if she was really passionate about it, Y E S. she would SLAY the house down

140. is their room messy or clean?

clean AF

141. if they were a body part, which one would they be?

hands; she likes hand holding

142. if they were an emotion, what would they be?

anxiety

143. if they were a planet, which one would they be?

pluto :)

144. how would they describe their clothing style?

cute & simple

145. do they shower in the morning or at night?

usually at night. but if she forgot the night before, than she will in the morning

146. do they order regular fries, onion rings, sweet potato fries, or tater tots?

T A T E R  T O T S

147. do they normally wear socks?

yes, she likes wearing mismatched socks

148. do they fear natural disasters?

not really, no !

149. can they ice/roller skate?

she likes to ice skate even though she isn’t very good

150. are they good at video games? 

surprisingly .. yes !! 

[purplesurveys]

324

What are you excited for? I have a two-week break before I start midyear classes and I’m just ecstatic at the thought of finally not having any deadlines for the time being and sleeping in when I want. I enrolled for midyear though because my depression hits me the hardest during the summer, so I wanted to do something that would keep me occupied all throughout. What is your name? How nice of you to ask. I’m Robyn. Who was the last person to talk to you? Well Audrey tweeted me and that was the most recent time someone talked to me. I dunno if that counts. Are you part Irish? I am 0% Irish.  What was your last facebook status? I never post statuses on Facebook. If I do post anything it’s always a profile photo change to promote my org.

Do you find musicians or athletes more attractive? I don’t have a preference. What is your favourite colour? Pastel pink or black. Do you email often? Very often for school matters, yes. Rarely for anything else. How was your night last night? It was pretty cool! I hung out at Gab’s dorm from afternoon to evening so I could help her with 90 packages that she had to assemble, and watched BuzzFeed’s Worth It while doing that. Then we caught the Friends finale on her TV so I made her watch it and she loved it ahhhhh after that we just kind of went from channel to channel because there was nothing to watch. At around 9 PM she watched this show she’s currently following while I took a nap. All in all, solid glimpse as to how our home life would be. If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? I’d love to meet my maternal great-grandfather. He was a very respected and intelligent man. The only trace of him I see today is at our old house, where his library of law books and encyclopedias still exists. Do you own any action figures? I own wrestling figures.  Do you like reading? I used to go with one book every two weeks when I was younger. Since then school just kind of took all my time and I never got back to the hobby anymore. What's your favourite thing about your hometown? It’s in between the city and the mountains. It’s easier to get to either when you’re in between. What did you do over Christmas? I don’t remember...I also get hugely depressed over the Christmas season so I don’t make memories from it. When I was younger I wanted to be a: Firefighter. Do you have a lucky number? No, I don’t pick lucky anythings. How many vowels has your whole name got in it? Nine all in all. The last thing you downloaded onto your computer? A PowerPoint presentation that I needed to study for my broadcasting finals. Do you like cats? I like all animals but I have very little patience and enjoyment with cats. Do you have an iPod? Yeah from like a decade ago. I still have it, just as an artifact now haha. Are you wearing jeans? No I HATE jeans. I had an unplanned sleepover at a friend’s last Thursday and I had been wearing jeans, which meant I had to wear them for two days straight. In hot. Humid. Weather. It was torture and I’m never doing that again. Do you prefer nighttime or daytime? Nighttime. Have you got any piercings? Yes, my mom got my ears pierced as an infant. I’ve since damaged one of my piercings though. Is the window in your room open? A couple of them are always open in the summer. Do you own a gun? No. Do you chew on ice cubes? Not really, no. Do you hold grudges easily? Yes. I find it satisfying. Do you play any instruments? The recorder, I guess. Super lame. Have you ever thrown a surprise birthday party? I’ve participated in numerous surprise parties, but very seldom have I directly planned one myself. If you celebrate Christmas, do you get a real tree or an artificial tree? Everyone here in the Philippines gets artificial ones, so it was incredibly weird to me when I found out other cultures get real, actual trees. What's the last thing you watched? Brooklyn Nine-Nine. What websites do you go on more than others? Twitter. What is the hardest decision that you have ever had to make? Accepting that my first relationship with Gab was no more. I had been hanging on to it in the hopes that we get to mend it, but we were on different pages at the time and it was a hard pill to swallow, especially knowing that I exerted a lot of effort into trying to make it work.

Another one that I have in mind wasn’t exactly a hard decision to make per se, but answering university application forms and filling which courses I plan to take was a bold step for me and really solidified that I was going to be on my own from that time on. Private Catholic schools babysit you for 14 years, so filing out each form was a big achievement for me every time. How long ago did you take your last survey? Like 9-10 hours ago, I dunno. This morning. Have you ever been told you were a good writer? I get that a lot, mainly because that is my forte. What do you want to be when you're older? Financially stable. What colour car do your parents drive? We have two white cars and another that is blue. The latter drives me nuts, as I’ve always thought an all-white lineup looks so much nicer. Are you shy? Yep. Do you change depending on who you're with? No not really; the only difference shows when I talk to people I personally dislike. Have you ever liked someone and they were taken? I haven’t. Do you own a camera? If so, do you use it often? I’ve since given away my DSLR to my sister so no, I don’t use it anymore. My only camera is on my phone and I use that a lot instead. What's your biggest wish right now? I wish I could be guaranteed a happy and secure life in a couple of years. Do you believe in fate? Not really. Does it take a lot to make you cry? Nope. Do you have a Twitter? I do. Do you often find yourself eating just because you're bored? Ahahaha you got me. I make trips to the fridge every time there’s nothing to do. What are your worst habits? I have trichotillomania, so hair-pulling is a big aspect of my life and one that drives me nearly crazy. Would you rather be alone or in the company of other people? Depends on my mood. I love my own company, but my friends are my family. When was the last time you flew on a plane? Last month. Do you watch music videos? Not really. Do you ever wish you were someone else? I always wish I was richer, but I’ve never thought about being a particular person. Do you know much about your family tree? A fair amount. What is your favorite home-cooked meal? My maternal grandmother’s kare-kare and paternal grandmother’s crabs. Do you own an account on club penguin? LOL Do you like lemonade? No. Is there someone who means a lot to you but they don't know that? A lot of my friends probably think that because I’m shy most of the time and don’t really express my feelings. But like I said, friends are my established family and I’d take a bullet for anyone I take into my circle. Who are you currently talking to? Just this survey. Is money important to you? Extremely. What are you afraid of? This is always a super broad question. Uh flying cockroaches? First person to come to your mind: The first being I thought of was my dog honestly. But since Cindy tweeted me like 30 seconds ago and the notification popped up, I remembered her first. Who was the last person to call you? My girlfriend. Is there someone you trust more than others? Yes, see above.

[minrazinc]

My personal experience with Shatner part 4

ok I will just copy and paste from my old post in his fan club Facebook group, because I’m lazy to write another one. :) It was later October last year. 

Because of Sandy and Dave's suggestions, I guess I really could write something down to share this amazing experience, of seeing his Shatner's World for three times for the past three days.

Probably lots of self-related nonsense and poor English writing. Not a serious review or something, just a fan's perspective. Please bear with me.

Compared to many of you, I'm still quite new-ish...Only when STB came out and I decided to give it a shot did I finally find out and become obsessed about this great franchise, and came to know about this great man. I read his autobiographies, one by one, and completely attracted by his rich life experience and colorful personality. I can say it is his uniqueness that leads me to explore more about Star Trek not the other way around.

Ok so as I read about his life, I got to know his classic background and theatre experience. I'm a total theatre geek by the way. It's also something that's not very popular from where I come from, so when I finally found it out I became obsessed. So that part of him connecting to my other love excite me. I got to know his Shatner's World project and all I can think about day by day is I wish he could do it again. Or if I can travel back in time to see his touring in 70s, or to 50s seeing him do The World of Suzie Wong, that could work too! Some times before he announced this year's tour, when I went to Broadway, I even walked around Music Box and said to my self: please please come back again.

And guess what? Boom! He did! Do you have some magic power that can make my wishes come true, Bill?

So I carefully watch all 7 theatre's news, seeing them when to sell tickets, planning my journey, and so on. Most of them were settled in May and June. I planned to see all 7 performances at first, but I only bought 5 tickets, plus one for my friend at the end. Well in reality I only made it to 3. Planning can never catch up with changes, can it?

I also can't drive, and his touring is around Missouri, where the transportation you can just imagine. I think I can manage to go to three cities is quite magical already, not to see I found places to stay, have food... kind of remind me of his hitch riding experience before he went to college? Something he said when he talked about this experience really touched deeply in my heart, that is "you can never learn more than when you're on a trip and don't know the destination." I can really feel that, since I think I'm right in such situation. From the second performance to the third, Overland Park, some of my planning went wrong, I almost imitate him, making a board saying "student...seeing the US", standing on the road to see if someone could kindly take me for a ride or something. (Nah...just kidding)

But after all, I did see him, in theatre, on stage, doing his best, which makes everything worth , that's the most important part. Before I could actually walk into that theatre, I was thinking how would his one man show be different from panels at conventions, since both are he talks about himself. When I actually see it, I got my answer, completely different. Shatner's World is staged, written, designed and he's playing the role of Shatner, sort of, in my opinion, while at conventions he's more about himself. Do I enjoy him playing Shatner, aka another level of himself? Of course! I think "Shatner" could probably be my favorite role of his.

When the show was about to start, the intro music of TOS plays. In three shows I watched, audience at different cities had different reactions. At Johnson county community college, the audience was really exited as the music starts, and that kind of worship feeling is really exited for me as well.

Many of stories he talks in the show are in "Up Till Now", so I'm quite familiar with, but still very happy to see him actually act it out, like coco the gorilla story, and him seeking rats, and anecdotes with his parents. I remember just reading those words was already extremely enjoyable, and always gave me better mood for the day, never could imagine see him actually perform it could be way more pleasant.

One of the moments that left me with great impression is his recall of those days in Stratford. I really like his Transformed Man, mainly because of the classic literature part he did in the recording, especially Henry V's "Once more unto the breach" speech, which I think is so suitable for Captain Kirk, and all the classic heroism type of personality deep within him. I always thought I could be so satisfied if one day I could see him do it live.

And guess what? He did! Again Bill you definitely are wish satisfier! Magical!

I was so amazed by the power came from him, both for Henry V and Tambourine the Great, though he just did for a few words, but grabs everyone's attention in the room. The audience just suddenly became absolutely silent, like they don't believe what just happened and their brain stopped working. And  at that moment, Bill was very complacent, he would utilize that silence and said "yeah and the audience at that time was just...silent. " And everyone in the room follows his lead, without any extra noice, normally.

I said normally, because you couldn't control everything, even for Bill. At the third performance, in Overland Park, someone unfortunately coughs at that supposedly "absolutely silent" moment. Bill added "No one coughs." The audience just suddenly burst into huge laughter. "And no one laughs! " Bill pretended to be a little angry. Everybody just laughed more hardly, including me of course, and I probably was the one laughed the hardest at that moment, because I knew this is outside their script, and Bill just improvised. I was so happy to finally see what his improvisation looks like, and his casual interaction with the audience as well. I like his stories about Suzie Wong so much, mainly because of the way he used his improvisation to save the show. I think he's so genius on this part, so every time he did it it's like a treasure for me.

He did the show differently every day. I saw many of my favorite shows multiple times, but never have I saw one like his that never bored me, and made me feel like I'm seeing it for the first time every day. I think Omaha is his first during this tour, so he's fully charged and really passionate, even his speaking speed is faster than usual. From first to second, Omaha to Branson, staff told us he drove there, which almost needs for 6 hours? I experienced it so I know how tired he's supposed to be, but on stage he's just still energetic as usual, like Superman! Or at least have a Vulcan's strength. He's so professional and so passionate about what he's doing, and I could feel that, which made me feel the same way as well. But I don't think the audience in Branson is as great as the other two. Many came late. Though in  recording announcement Bill emphasized not to use any recording device, but there were still many people take out their phone. But that doesn't bother him (yeah he wouldn't shout at the audience like when he's in Suzie Wong's days. Shame). In Branson's performance, he and his cute co-chair had a little argument, so his good partner almost threw him off ground, which is quite dangerous. And the audience had some worried sound as well. He just smiled and took care of this little incident easily "these chairs, they don't work the same do they?" Everyone laughed, and he changed a position to make sure of his own safety. I noticed at the third performance this thing didn't happen again.

Because he probably had a good rest at Friday night, and the distance between Overland Park and Branson is not crazy as between Branson and Omaha, also the audience in Overland Park was great, he's amazing again on Saturday. Besides the little improv on "silent" part, another little incident happened at the end. He missed the first lines in "real", but he catched up perfectly with the rhythm again. I'm sure anyone who never heard of this song wouldn't notice any problems. Lol.

So...even though this is not my first time seeing him, as I said I have some weird obsession with theatre. Seeing him in a theatre is still a dreamy experience for me, because of what he wrote and talked about his great days in theatre, like suzie wong, like Henry V, which indicate his colorful personality so well. So when I finally got to see it, as one of thousands audience sitting there, seeing him doing those imitations, comedic performances, classic performance, seeing him being silly, being poignant, and even feeling his casual eye contact, it's really a spiritual experience for me, exactly what's like for him when he's with his "stealing motorcycle" or horse. To be more sentimentally exaggerated, theatre is my cathedral and I got to see a God there.

And I had two photo opps with him. I’m satisfied with the first but not so much with the second. However, after I left the theatre after the third show, I tweeted him about how much I enjoyed it and I love him improv that night. He replied to me asking if I was following him, with an amusing emoji. Even though he replied to me so many times I couldn’t even remember, and I know it’s not a big deal, he likes to interact with people on twitter, I was still super exited that night, ‘cause his tweet was showing like, somehow he recognized me at that moment. And it feels sooooo good to actually to show the actor your praise for his work. More to that, after he ended his tour last year, and like a month or so passed, he came to our fanclub Facebook group (not the official one which is much larger), read my post, and “likes” it. I know I’m bad in English, and that just makes me both embarrassed and hysterical. When your favorite actor read your “review” of the show, is there anything more wonderful than that? 

part 1 part 2 part 3 part 4

That’s the end of it, for now. Look forward to TWOK screening in March :) 

[the-mf-bread-babies]

– REBUILD III –

RUNAWAY RENEGADES

· COLLECTION 1 ·

“backstories”

———————————————————

- VOLUME ONE -

Dennis, Aaron, Damon, Sawblade

It was a normal (or was it?) day. The alarm on the boy's phone rang loudly, and he woke up.

Two hours late. It was a Monday.

Too tired to care, he fell back down to his bed and went on his phone. He opened Twitter and was shocked to spot the #1 trending hashtag:

#DojaCatIsOkAgainParty

He rejoiced, opening it to find millions of tweets without any context. After ignoring various fancams that made him lose hope in the current situation, he stumbled upon a thread explaining the current situation.

“#DojaCatIsOkAgainParty : A THREAD <3” The first tweet twote, accompanied with four pictures: One of Doja Cat herself, one of Nicki Minaj, another of whoever becomes the next US president, and Lana Del Rey. What the hell is going on?

“As we all know, Doja Cat, Beyoncé, and many other artists have somehow been cancelled by Lana Del Rey within a week in May of 2020,” Okay… “This is due to Lana's satanic powers.” Oh, okay. Yeah, this was the same account who said that Avril Lavigne has a clone. Who was part of the CIA. Sure, man, whatever.

“At 3:56 AM today, Doja Cat had kidnapped [insert 46th president here] and escorted him to a secondary location. Then, Nicki stabbed the shit outta him. This has caused the America fandom to go insane.” what. “Lana was behind this. As we all know, she and Jessie J had hacked into The Pentagon and made Beyonce Knowles president, for clout.” what.

He put down his phone, questioning what the hell Stan Twitter was on now. The boy approached his cat, Sawblade, who was sleeping on the floor. Sawblade yawned dramatically and circled the boy's legs. He picked her up and laid her onto his bed.

“kwjdkwjjrjrjrkjwkjwjrkj” The cat purred. His phone buzzed. It was a notification from PlayStation Messages. He opened it, eager to know if one of his friends finally wanted to play multiplayer with him.

“#0.00 NULL$$ - Hello PLAYSTATION user! We at NULL HQ politely invite you to join us in making the world a better place one job at a time. Kindly go to this location and sign up for one of our many job offers! No résumé needed, only experience, hard work, and an interview and a fitness test! We hope to see you soon!”

Oh, a scam. He took a screenshot of the text, and then immediately blocked and reported the user, NULL000000. Huh, odd username. Whatever, he's not gonna reply–

One DM from Twitter.

NULL AGENCIES ✓ – @NULLhiring

“#0.00 NULL$$ - Hello TWITTER user! We at NULL HQ politely invite you to join us in making the world a better place one job at a time. Kindly go to this location and sign up for one of our many job offers! No résumé needed, only experience, hard work, and an interview and a fitness test! We hope to see you soon!”

The same thing, huh? This NULL guy really wants his money, he guesses. First Nicki commits manslaughter and now he keeps getting the same scam messages? It's only been not even an hour today and yet so much has happened. What next, Enya comes out of hiding?

“BuzzFeed News: Famous singer Enya comes out of her big-ass castle to collaborate with Nyan Neko Sugar Girls creators for new Apple TV miniseries”

Damn, okay, this is a dream. The boy wrapped himself in a blanket, hugged his bolster and wriggled around, trying to sleep. He couldn't, so he went back on Twitter.

jimin is fr**kin DEAD (@bangtanctwice):

“dont s-word me but like why is l/*n//a out of prison again. i thought she had the electric chair already ://”

illumi killed silva <3 (@hxhoverwatcch)

“ITSSB ACK !!!!!!!!! HXH IS BAAAACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YEEEEAAHAJAHAHAAAAA DJDJJDJDJSNDNFJDDJ”, followed by an edit of Hisoka Morow.

oikawa⁷ (@HAIKYUUUUS)

“man how the hell did furudate think a crossover w yu yu hakusho mp100 bnha kny gintama n hgtv could save haikyuu. it practically ended the moment they all ate that volcano w departure in the bg”

Kerry Washington ✓ (@kerrywashington)

“LITTLE FIRES 6 OUT NOW!!!! I'm gonna EXPLODE Earth in this one!!! I'm going back to the Early Cambrian stage!!!! Bye Pearl!!”

Internet Explorer Anitwt (@iloveboruto)

“Y’all Kurapika brought A SHOVEL to that fight with Uvogin!!! A Whole SHOVEL!!! 😂😂😂”

knas is canon !! (@moiiiraclones)

“guys i think bakugos a kurta..... think abt it.... red eyes... always stressed......”

vic (NOT SPOILER FREE!!!) (@myname_jeff)

“why is no one addressing the fact that jfk 2 is happening and like everyone involved has stans”

ray is ia rn (@cryptodorito)

“my dog just ate my dad ....... stan list !”

give moxxi another dlc (@TORGUEEEE)

“hey does anybody find it weird that gearbox just released borderlands 4 w no buildup At All. seems p fishy :(”

gerard's hand sanitizer (@raytowo)

“did mcr just do twelve concerts in three days. legends”

ceo of tanjirou (@hiskoamorron)

“pls stream jessie j now ;) or die <\3”

ceowo owof bakuwugowouwu (@bakubaby)

“yes, what i did was wrong. there are dogs everywhere starving and eating dog treats is not morally right. that said, (1/67)”

Okay, enough of that. No more. Please. Three hours have passed, and he's still very confused, if not even more confused than before. Is there some sort of event today that he missed? Why is every single tweet weird? Is all this real? Is he in a parallel universe? Is he dead?

The boy zoned out into the bedroom wall, thinking of all the possibilities of this happening. He was lost in his imagination, his train of thought splitting and exploding due to all the unusual occurrences. That was, until Sawblade voiced out her needs.

“YEEEEEEHEHEA” she yelled. She was starving, mainly because the last time she ate was like, a whole hour ago. Sad.

“Ye lah,” “Mew,” “Meow meow mew mew mew,” The boy meowed as he dragged himself to fill up his cat's bowl. “chyouooyoymeeeiielll,” he complimented, ruffling the cat's face.

The boy tripped over his Form 3 activity book as he was walking, a reminder that he should probably do his homework soon. He turned the doorknob and opened the door and he was shocked to find that his house…

Had been ripped in half.

He pushed his back against the wall and slowly inched along the wall towards the kitchen, staring down into the abyss below the house. The living room had a sofa missing, and the television looked like it was going to fall down any second. Furniture floated in the void below the floorboards, which was bent, with plumbing pipes exposed, as well as the metal rods holding the house together.

It reminded him of what Sanctuary looked like when it was floating in space in Borderlands 2. But instead of a city, it was a condominium unit. And instead of Lilith lifting it up, it was… unknown. If only he could gunzerk, or have siren powers, or be a ninja sniper assassin, or have a turret, or have a giant mech, or be super tall and have a buzz-axe. If only. But thank God there's no Mordecai. To hell with Mordecai. I hate Mordecai. He's the most straightest man. Ever. Claptrap is less straight than him. HANDSOME JACK is less straight than him. R O L A N D is CLEARLY less straight than him. Mordecai is the epitome of heterosexuality.

Thankfully, the boy reached the kitchen safely, but still very full of anxiety, and poured the cat food into a flat container, since Sawblade is so fluffy, her face can't fit in cat bowls. He emptied the water bowl, cleaned it, and filled it with filtered water, making sure it's slightly cooled. Sawblade likes it that way. As she cronched on the kibbles, he stared into the distance, wondering what his apocalypse name would be.

He grabbed a glass of water and a packet of muffins for his breakfast. As he ate it, he scrolled through his timeline as if it was the morning paper. Oh, Katy Perry gave birth to twelve kids. And Gowon killed X Æ A-Xii. With a machete. Ok. That's cool, I guess. Capitalism, y’know?

:DAMON @C0RR0Sl0N

“my house got sliced in half. im just chillin here w my cat sawblade. considering eating cat food. not influenced by any recent drama ok”

Send Tweet.

As the boy was eating, he noticed the front door to the house was missing. The entrance lead to what seemed like the side of the street. In a foreign place. The lamppost was unfamiliar, and so was the pavement design. It seemed rather American.

He peeked his head out, and lo and behold, he spotted a pet shop just a couple of feet away. The sudden shock of all this made him forget about his cat, an indoor cat, a curious one. Sawblade stepped slowly outside, and as she went into the boy's view, he stormed to catch her, panicking and swearing profusely.

Of course, this made her way more terrified, and she ran faster, and… into the ajar door of the pet shop. “SAWBLADE!!! DON'T!!” he yelled loudly as he stopped in front of the building. The boy paused, unsure whether to proceed or retreat.

“Russell Family Pet Store, since 1965” wrote a large sign on the front. It looked rustic, but well-kept. The blinds were drawn, so the boy couldn't see what was inside. The building occupied two lots, and seemed to be two storeys tall. A nice rooftop garden was situated on top of it, and there were painted-over remnants of many posters plastered onto the walls. The walls were now coated with light brown paint. This building was surely cared for by a variety of owners.

Although hesitant, the boy stepped into the store, his hands shaking. He could've probably pass out right then and there if he wasn't searching for Sawblade. He sneaked into the building quietly, determined to get his cat and run like hell right after. However, his ideal plan was quickly foiled after he stepped on a squeaky toy.

“Shit, who's there?” A deep voice asked. It seemed like it belonged to someone tall, depressed, and very angry about capitalism. The boy was stuttering, both from the panic of being caught, and also because he had to speak to a native English speaker. “Probably just the delivery guy,” A second voice assured. This voice seemed quite hard to guess, but it was surely a kind one. Very trustworthy. “Jed, is that you?” The kind voice added. Yeah, these two are totally friendly. Probably. Don't take any chances, though.

A figure approached the boy, and it towered above him. The 5'9" hulking beast stopped. “Oh, sorry, we're closed. It's Judgment Day,” the kind man said. Well, of course it's judgement day. Why wouldn't it be judgement day? “Wait, no, I'm an idiot. Martin Luther King Jr’s day.” The man corrected. “How the hell do those two even remotely sound like each other?” The first voice said, the owner sitting behind the counter, shadowed.

“M-My cat's here.” “Have y-you sa-see-sawn her?” The boy was actually very fluent in English, even more than Malay, but the panic he was experiencing kind of absolutely extirpated any knowledge of it from his brain. Really, dude? “Sawn”? What is this, Texas?

Fortunately the two were understanding. The man behind the slau– counter stood up suddenly. “Holy shit, do you speak Spanish? Habla español?!” He asked excitedly. “No, why would I–? I'm Malay, dumbass,” the boy retorted, then realising that he just insulted someone much older than he was and that was… kinda rude. “WAIT SORRY” he blurted out, sending him back into the panic that he was under when he entered the store.

“HUH?! No, I’M sorry, I just assumed you were South American just because you couldn't speak English!” The man yelled, apologizing loudly. Yeah, this dude's sure as hell white. “I CAN!!! WHERE'S MY CAT!!!” The boy shouted back, very confused at where his priorities should be right now. “Oh!” said the man in front of him.

“IS THIS HIM– SORRY, HER?!” The man asked, reaching towards the corner. “We, uh, found her just straight-up running into here. Which is really weird, since cats, like, don't do that,” he said, holding Sawblade. Senang cita. “YES!! THANK YOU!!” The boy yelled. Why is everyone yelling?

Sawblade looked comfy all snuggled up in the man's arms. “He… seems to like you,” The boy said jealously. Usually, he was the one Sawblade loved most. “I have ten cats, so,” The man replied casually. “…How? Even?” he questioned as he carefully took Sawblade from the stranger. “I just do?”

The boy still remained very confused. “Name's Aaron, by the way. Please don't call me Ay-Ay-ron. Just… please,” the kind man said. “Ok” the boy replied. “Mine's. Um. Uh.” “…” The boy thought whether to say his real, legal one, or the one he went with online, which he seemed to prefer way more than his real one. “THE NAME'S DENNIS RUSSELL. I SHARE MY INITIALS WITH A VIDEO GAME.” The white guy said, interrupting the boy's statement. “Oh. Good to know. Hi, Mr. Danganronpa,” The boy politely said. “Fuck yeah,” replied Dennis.

“And if you're wondering which one of us is part of the Russell family that's running this shop,” Dennis began, “Den, don't,” Aaron interrupted. “It's my family. But, my dad became a magician, and my dad's choosing to indulge in his gardening hobby here, so the job's passed down to me now,” Aaron said.

“G//ay Ass!” Dennis shouted. “Okay, fine, Dennis, since we got married last month, you're part of the Russell family, too, honey,” Aaron said. “Just don't–” “YEEEEEHAAWWEE PARDNER WELCOME TO YE OLDE RYUSSELL PEYT SHYOP–” Dennis yelled loudly enough to give the boy a heart attack. However, this was probably the tenth time this week he did this, so Aaron was just very tired. “Jesus.”

“Um, what is this place?” The boy was still very much confused on why there was a pet shop sitting in front of his house, which was ripped in half. “I just told you…” Dennis said disappointedly. “No, like, where am I? Why are you guys American? I'm assuming? I'm not?” The boy said. “Well, our pet shop's in Toledo; Toledo, Ohio,” Aaron stated, gesturing towards a pile of papers. “If you're lost, we have some maps, some phone books…” he continued, unaware of the current situation.

“No, I live in Selangor, so– Selangor, Malaysia, not Ohio, out of all places, God, no, and my house is right over there,” the boy argued, pointing outside. “Well, half of it,” The two pet shop workers stood at their places, trying to process what the hell this kid just said. “Like? There? Outside this gracious state that occupies the #2 spot for most arson cases in the US? That's Malaysia?” Dennis shot back, also unaware. The boy was a bit excited after hearing him mention the name of his country, but shook it off to further develop the conversation. “Yes. Somehow. Also, I really don't think this is Ohio. Too many buildings and I haven't seen any corn fields,”

“Didja know there's over 75,000 farms in this 14-million acre state? There are, ya just gonna know where to look :)” Dennis stated. “What the hell? That's way too many farms. How does… what…” The boy replied in shock, almost dropping Sawblade. “I'm sorry, what?” Aaron asked. “Yup! Lotta farms in the buckeye state!” Dennis replied excitedly.

“HALF?!” “Of it??” It seemed like Aaron was the only one there actually concerned about the task at hand. “Huh? Oh yeah. Not really that big of a deal, though, honestly; enough food here for thirteen weeks,” How the boy calculated that, and how accurate it is remains a mystery. “Anyway, how do state fairs work? Like, do corn dogs taste good? I've had deep-fried Oreos once, they tasted really good. Really love 'em,”

Aaron ignored the exchange by the two very excited individuals and opted to step out to see if the boy was right or not. In his head, he was honestly convinced he wasn't, but that was up for change. Hell, he didn't even look at his phone or the TV today, so maybe the kid's right, his house is snapped in half.

Oh, it is.

“Holy shit, Denny, come look,” he yelled, gesturing to his husband. “Okay! I hope the aliens aren't homophobic or anything! :)” Dennis replied, running eagerly to the door. “HOT DAMN!” Dennis shouted. Now the boy could see how they both looked like, especially Dennis.

Dennis was definitely over six feet tall, he had balding, spiky red hair, and his eyes were big and sunken, and had bags under them. Aaron, on the other hand, had only seemed tall because of his hair. Aaron was missing a tooth for some reason. His lower-left fang. That's weird. They were both sporting uniforms; an orange shirt covered by a green vest with the logo of the pet shop sewn near the… like the… the end of it but like in the front? Like the middle? But like the logo was on the side. Yeah

“I don't think aliens are homophobic. Have you played Borderlands? Lots of g/ay people, and they're all technically aliens. I think the aliens are g//ay,” the boy explained thoughtfully. “I have, at my friend's house this one time, but then I died and I had to, like, pay, so then I just left his house, man,” Aaron replied. “Yeah, that's fair, usually I just save and quit whenever I die,” the boy added.

“Wait, what's your name, again? This whole time, you're being referred to as ‘the boy,’” Dennis asked, breaking the fourth wall. “Shrek,” the boy replied. The two men nodded in solidarity. “Good name,” Aaron complimented. “It reminds me of my childhood, and good times, and Shrek-flavored Oreos,” he added.

Shrek paused for a bit, hesitant to tell them his preferred name, but saying it anyway because they both seem quite nice and understanding, also, his family's not there. “I'm kidding. Shrek is but only my middle name,” Shrek explained, “Please, call me…”

“Damon,”

Gender euphoria ran through his veins like that one time Thanos put on the infinity gauntlet and he was AAAAAGH, P O W E R,,, HNGGH, that but Yeah. “Cool! Hi, Damon!” Dennis said, watching Damon's eyes burn with joy. Oh, just saying, like in some more volumes, this little kid turns into a pyromaniac, so. Yeah. Watch out for that. This is Foreshadowing.

Aaron scanned the horizon, unknowing what the hell was happening. “Hey, guys, should we… go investigate or something?” Damon thought for a bit, but not too much because this thing going on seemed too random to properly scan and plan. “Um, I don't know,” he said wisely, “Did you guys hear about that thing with, like, Nicki Minaj and the president? Were you guys affected or whatever?”

“With who and what? Nick– NICKI?? THE PRESIDENT?? OF HERE?? WHATEVER THIS THING IS???” Dennis struggled to figure out what Damon was saying. “Yeah, she stabbed him or something. Doja Cat helped too :)” Damon explained, confusing the two even more. “Why?” Aaron tried. “I dunno. Drama?” “Heard Lana's involved too… but you didn't hear it from me, yeah?” Damon added.. “THE COW GIRL. HELPED NICKI. AND LANA. ASSASSINATE THE PRESIDENT. DAMON.”

- * Special Thanks * -

Snowball

Sandball

Gon Freecss

Killua Zoldyck

Leorio Paladinight

Kurapika Lastname

Hisoka Morow

(is that the correct spelling?)

Illumi Zoldyck

Kikyo Zoldyck (shes pretty, ok)

Kanamori Sayaka

Mizusaki Tsubame

Asakusa Midori

Pakunoda

Machi Komacine

Moira O'Deorain

Freddy Krueger

Sideshow Bob

Spy TF2, Pyro TF2, Scout TF2, Leia Organa, Han Solo, Yoda, Darth Vader, he's cool, Sheev Palpatine, Developers of the video game “Tiny Thief”, Mad Moxxi, Ellie Kurta (shes a spiderant. my theory), Handsome Jack (Not Really, Burn In Hell) (during the period of time between me writing this and me copying and pasting this, i have developed a crush on not only jack, but his doppelgangers too. help)

Angel :)), Claptrap, Dr. Zed, NOT Marcus Kincaid, Dr. Patricia Tannis, Roland, Lilith, Brick (ga/y rights), Zer0, Krieg, Tiny Tina, Tiny Tuna, Louise Bob's Burgers, Mabel Pines, Stanley Pines, Lazy Susan, Sheriff Daryl Blubs, Deputy Durland, Officer Spectre :)), Yoda Again, 2003 Honda Civic, Ray Toro, Lynz Way, Gerard Way, Mikey Way, Frank Iero, Linda Bob's Burgers, Bob's Burgers Bob's Burgers, Sans Undertale, Komaeda, Sombra // Olivia Colomar, Actually All Of Talon Bc They're Hot Af, Except For That French Guy Max, Torbjörn Lindholm, Torbjörn Lindholm, Torbjörn Lindholm, Spider-Man PS4, Miles Edgeworth, Phoenix Wright, The Lil Psychic Girl, Uhhhh Mario Brothers

part 2 incoming.

[28allthelove28]

Essay on Fandom and Obsession (One Direction & Fionn Whitehead mainly)

I think it is vital to not make people feel guilty for the things that they enjoy. It is also important to realise that everyone gets obsessed with stuff, and it’s not a bad thing.

Fandom can often be seen as being predominantly young girls screaming and crying over young boys, and apparently that is not cool. At least a lot of people seem to think it is not cool, but that attitude is wrong. Yes, teenage girls have been freaking out over young men since before Beatlemania, but intense fandom and excessive love for your idol is by no means exclusive to young girls. Think of Morrissey. Grown men devote their lives to worshiping him. I’ve witnessed hard, tough, old men in tears, covered in Smiths tattoos, shouting every lyric out at a Morrissey gig, and no one batted an eye. It’s great! David Bowie inspired generations of working class lads to dye their hair bright orange and go out wearing glittery make up. Loads of men really idolise Oasis. Everybody loves Radiohead. I’m one of the proud and devoted thousands who flock in their Goth uniform to see The Cure perform every couple of years, and hopefully I always will be. The best moment of my life was my last Cure gig, and I’m very happy about that. Of course, fan girls don’t just like male musicians, a lot of girls like Beyoncé, Taylor Swift and Little Mix, so do a lot of boys. Lads also like Justin Bieber as well as girls. Maybe it is naïve, unnecessary and problematic to even consider fandom in terms of gender, especially in terms of only two genders.

To mention fan fiction, I bought a book from Rough Trade Records which was part of a series of works inspired by different musicians. It was a short story which the author imagined after listening to the album Dry by PJ Harvey. It may not be classed as conventional fan fiction per say, due to Polly Harvey not being directly featured in the story, but each chapter began with the first lyric of Polly’s song, in order of the album tracklist. Something creative and imaginative was born from an enjoyment of music, it was wonderful. And fandom is obviously not just music orientated, thousands of people are obsessed and devoted to football. I couldn’t even count the amount of Newcastle United Football Club tattoos I’ve seen. Game Of Thrones, Star Wars and Harry Potter have enormous fan bases too. The Great British Bake Off is huge, so are specific YouTubers, make-up brands, celebrities like the Kardashians, fashion brands, games, and phone apps. There are so many areas of fandom and obsession, when you begin to think about it. I may have glossed over and simplified some things but these serve as only a few brief examples, out of many, of how diverse and wonderful fandom can be.

Being a fan is clearly by absolutely no means just young females liking young male singers, and it probably is problematic to think so. Perhaps why it can initially seem that way, to me anyway, may be because a girl obsessing over a boy has been my personal experience, and in contemporary culture today, the media really does like to mock girls like me. To focus on One Direction in particular, because that is my biggest obsession, and is most relevant to this discussion, many journalists enjoy frequently claiming that all One Direction fans are hysterical, naive 12 year old girls, who want to sleep with the band, and only like them because they’re pretty. When in fact, not only is that disrespectful to any 12 year old 1D fans, but many fans have grown up with One Direction and are around the same age as them, if not much older. Many One Direction fans don’t fancy the band whatsoever, many 1D fans are boys, many fans are gender fluid, and all the fans that I’ve interacted with genuinely love 1D’s music and respect the band members. Yes, there are some people who sexualise, worship, and disrespect One Direction, but tabloid journalists can often only focus on that side of things.

I think it is important to highlight more so, that a vast portion of the One Direction fandom are part of the LGBTQ+ community, and through 1D and their fans, feel loved, supported, understood, welcomed, included and inspired to be strong and proud. A lot of One Direction concerts are full of rainbow flags, which then get shown on the big screen, signed by Louis, and worn by Harry. Harry has ‘liked’ Instagram posts encouraging people to “Support feminine boys” and Louis has even corrected Harry when he accidentally misgendered a fan. A vast portion of the 1D fandom, myself included, genuinely believe that Harry and Louis are in love, and have been in a secret relationship for years, and we completely support them. (I have a separate essay on this.) I talked about this recently with a lecturer in queer art history, who also believes in Larry, and is in awe at the level of visual analysis ‘Larries’ have undertaken to examine Harry and Louis’ complimentary couple tattoos.

Harry has inspired young boys to wear nail polish because, until seeing him do it, they “Didn’t know boys were allowed.” Again, I don’t want to skim over important issues, but I am quickly mentioning the importance of One Direction’s queer community, and Harry challenging gender norms, to disprove the media idea that all 1D fans are just there to sexualise the band. Yes, I and many others do find One Direction very beautiful and sexy, but I don’t want to be their girlfriend or their lover, at most I just want to be their best friend. I want to continue enjoying their music and supporting them as individuals. And so do the majority of fans that I interact with.

The way in which mainstream media represents One Direction fans can make them expect everyone to mock them. However Mark Radcliffe, a radio presenter on 6Music, an alternative station you would never expect to mention One Direction, recently spoke very kindly of Harry Styles and his fans. He saw people queuing to meet Harry, and explained on his show that they were very excited, and “Why wouldn’t they be?” Mark discussed that Harry was doing solo work and even made a feature out of fandom, asking listeners to text in their own experiences of queueing for their idols. Mark kept chatting to Harry’s fans, checking they were ok and he even brought them breakfast. The entire time Mark mentioned Harry and the fans, he spoke sweetly and respectfully and completely normally. This shouldn’t have been refreshing to hear, but it really was. I tweeted to thank Mark for his kindness, to which he ‘liked’ and replied. I simply found this a lovely and heart-warming example of respectable music news outlets treating young pop fans nicely.

Harry Styles himself was even asked about his fan-base being mainly composed of young girls, as if he were supposed to feel embarrassed about that, and he brilliantly commented “Who’s to say that young girls who like pop music – short for popular right? – have worse musical taste than a 30-year-old hipster guy? That’s not up to you to say. Music is something that’s changing… Young girls like the Beatles. You gonna tell me they’re not serious? How can you say young girls don’t get it? They’re our future – our future doctors, lawyers, mothers, presidents, they kind of keep the world going. Teenage-girl fans – they don’t lie. If they like you, they’re there. They don’t act ‘too cool’. They like you, and they tell you.” I really don’t think there is a better way to say it. One Direction fans defend them against the media, but they also correct them if they make mistakes. We are honest.

Louis Tomlinson has also talked about how impressive and “Remarkable” his own fans devotion is, and how endlessly grateful he is for it. Louis has discussed how he’s built up a special relationship with his fans and often credits his success as being a constant “Teamwork” between him and the fans working together, even saying that they deserve managerial, promotion jobs. Niall Horan from One Direction constantly looks out for the safety of his fans as they queue to see him perform, and he even regularly shares photos of letters which he’s handwritten for fans, personally updating them on what he’s been up to. Liam Payne from 1D always remembers to acknowledge special band anniversaries that the fans get involved with, and Zayn Malik frequently shares examples of fan art that his fans have drawn of him. The members of the band which people idolise, equally love and appreciate their fans in return and form a family-like unit together, and it’s lovely.

People have picked up on this and even said that society should be built in a similar way as a fandom; supportive, passionate and communal. A lovely article was written by Aarabelle Sicardi, in which she describes fashion designer Rei Kawakubo as her own Harry Styles. She rightly notes that “Loving people makes you brave.” And that “Fandom is a pure version of this. It’s an ideal receptacle of feelings because you ask for nothing personal in return… fandom gave me bravery and friendship.” She admits that you can often find yourself needing to “Defend” your fandom love, and that people may dismiss the thing you love but the thing you love will never dismiss you. She discusses similar points which I have made that “Fandom lives in every industry if you know where to look…teen girls are always attacked for their fandom regardless: music fandom to outsiders looks uncool, unhinged or wasteful. You might see teen girls crying and holding signs or collecting memorabilia and think it’s too much for something so trivial. But it’s not.” Sicardi quotes Harry’s fans as they describe how he was a gateway to finding their queer community and affirming their own identity, saying that “His existence in the world made them more comfortable with their own…Teen girls are criticized for loving the wrong things and loving them in weird and unproductive ways. But the criticisms couldn’t be more off base. They love things with a brilliance and curiosity that makes them better for it…Teen girls push themselves to learn how to code so they can build beautiful fan-pages and online communities… It helps them build worlds out of their imaginings.” Through writing about One Direction, myself and many other fans have also learnt more about putting forward an argument, gathering information, formatting essays and questioning things. Sicardi ends her article by saying that loving things makes fans smarter and braver, and I agree.

These are all beautiful, empowering things, but for me, being so engaged in a fandom can also mean that I do live inside my head quite a lot, but it’s mostly very nice in there, and I think everyone does that. Everyone imagines things. Everyone enjoys the things they enjoy. Admittedly I probably think that obsessing over famous boys is worse than it actually is. In reality I’ve now learnt that it’s not that bad at all. Yes, loving One Direction, Larry Stylinson and Fionn Whitehead can cause some problems – what if no man in real life can live up to them? What if Larry or ‘Larries’ have set unrealistic expectations of relationships? What if I’m more invested in their wellbeing than my own, and those around me? What if I spend so much time on them that I am ignorant to real world problems? What if their rich and privileged lifestyles have made me greedy and selfish? What if their success being born from luck on a talent show has made me lazy and less ambitious? What if their enormous success at the same age as me has made me value my own progress less? What if their physical beauty and that of the people around them has made me doubt and criticise my own? However, perhaps me thinking that loving a boy band or an actor is damaging and could cause all these issues, is the actual problem. Perhaps the obsession itself is not the problem, but my attitude towards it, an attitude influenced by media shame. Maybe me thinking it’s a problem is the only problem.

In reality, it is fun, and educational, and cultural to discover an actor or a singer. To appreciate a person’s talent and hard work, to notice their good qualities, to learn things from them and from their art, to unashamedly be passionate about something, to meet new people through that shared interest and then learn more things from them. All of that is a positive, and rewarding, and beautiful thing. I just have to keep thinking that until I no longer need to remind myself.

Perhaps this whole essay is my way of justifying to myself that it is ok for me to be obsessed with Fionn Whitehead and One Direction. Of course it is. Life is too short and dramatic to worry about things that you don’t really need to worry about. Life is too short and dramatic to deny yourself what you enjoy. Life is too short and dramatic to be over influenced by other people and their opinions. Life is too short and dramatic to not be proud of who you are and what makes you happy.

[autumn-in-phandom]

A review of "How WHITE is Dan?!- DNA TEST RESULTS"

I was riding in the car on the way to the store when I heard a familiar alert coming from my phone. I wondered aloud “Ooo is that Dan?” He was due to have a video out today or tomorrow, but it could be one of the few other channels I’m subscribed to. I’ve been psyched out before. I opened my phone and yes it was Dan and what was more, the word DNA was there. “They were right!” Those psychic IDB members with their “strong feelings” were right. 

I for one didn’t think Dan would make this video. Mainly because he said so himself during a liveshow in the spring, shortly after Phil had posted his. He had admitted to taking the test as well, but the results were so vague and he was disappointed. I could relate, having bought DNA kits for my parents and getting very broad results, particularly for my mother’s side, which we wanted to know more about. 

However, one shouldn’t take Daniel Howell at his word. He could be lying, or in this case he might just change his mind with the seasons. He wasn’t feeling it back then, but there was a hint in his last solo liveshow that he was thinking about ancestry again. The chat asked about “the grandma tweet” and he pulled up the photo of someone’s distant relative who had a strikingly similar face to his. Someone said it could be his great-grandmother, after all his own grandma was adopted. So reasonably, someone on IDB predicted that Dan would work this photo into his DNA video. After all Dan often sits on ideas for videos and then decides to make them when he feels the “the time is right” (or the topic is relevant). 

Dan did indeed choose to make this video now for a specific reason, and while the photo may have inspired him, it didn’t make an appearance or get a mention. Apparently the driving force behind this video was current events. Current events that some fans were disappointed that Dan and Phil had not mentioned. The heated protests in Charlottesville, Virginia were mentioned in the first eight seconds: 

“Hello Internet, in these times when apparently (camera zooms in on his lips) *some people* find it difficult to tell the difference between protesting racism and *racism*, I thought it would be relevant and mildly interesting to make a video about the shared genetic history of all humans by finding out *the origins of my ancestors*.“ (Cue the soft grey filter with fake lens flares, zen music and calm hand movements from Daniel). 

I was immediately intrigued, but a bit skeptical. How was a video entitled "How WHITE is Dan?!” going to positively address racism? Especially knowing that his results were boring, so probably not that diverse. Well, he did it by following through on his topic sentence and actually showing the shared genetic history of all humans through maps of human migration. He also did some historic research into his small percentage of West African DNA. Of course the little sign in the background reading ‘AYY FUCK NAZIS’ and his black shirt with red Cyrillic letters that translate to “equality” were nice aesthetic touches. 

Mind you, the actual factual human migration information comes later in the video. First we have sarcastic philosophical Dan waffling on about lizard people on Pangea slowly drifting apart “metaphorically and physically, until the inevitable nuclear apocalypse blows our planet into tiny chunks floating infinitely into the abyss of space” with a starry falling through space effect. Woah there nihilistic Dan, stay with us. 

It’s okay, there is a quick jump cut that changes the tone immediately. It’s a mention of Phil and his DNA video, complete with a clip of “Science!Phil”. What’s more, Dan says that Phil ordered the DNA test kit for him. Perhaps, it’s just to set up his own reluctance, as he goes on to do just that. For some of us, the idea of Phil ordering DNA testing for both of them (even if it is to use in a video) paints a pretty domestic picture. Though in Phil’s video he says he was given his for free by a friend of the family who is a doctor, thinking it would make a cool video. Perhaps this is why neither of their videos seem to be sponsored by the DNA testing company, 23andMe. Or are they?

Cue relatable slightly paranoid Dan with some sharp humor about “laboratories” and being cloned and replaced “by a compliant artificial intelligence” by Mark Zuckerberg (thanks for knowing the correct spelling of that iPad) or “Zuck”, with a Stephen Hawking like voice saying “I’m coming for you Danny”. Dan of course gave a fake name for his DNA profile (as did Phil), but kept his date of birth. However he admits there isn’t really any point in trying to protect his identity on the internet. Okay, John Johnson. 

“Are you ready! Am I ready? I have no idea what to expect to be honest.” Here’s the part where I have to suspend my disbelief and just accept that Dan pretending to react to these results as if he didn’t view them several months ago does make for a better video. Just like Dan pretending to play Bubble Bobble for the first time on the gaming channel in 2016, when in reality he tweeted about reaching level 100 with Phil back in 2009, did result in a very sweet gaming video. 

 Add a being related to a giraffe joke to the lizard one. I’m not sure if this is really helping the “one human race” thing, but it’s a pretty harmless joke. “Wow. Looking pretty white. That is one blue circle there, isn’t it JJ?” (the blue being European ancestry). Dan is 98.2% European and he jokes that this is the end of the video only a minute and half in. 

Dan drags his ancestors for “literally” sticking to four countries (Britain, Ireland, France and Germany) when in reality those results are lumping Britain and Ireland together because they share so much common DNA, the same for French and German. He is also ignoring that 33.8% of his Northwest European genetics is broadly undefined and he hasn’t gotten to the Southern European, Scandinavian or West African parts yet. But I still found “really got out there and saw the world” quite funny. “Okay someone saw the sun at least” was a good one, though I wish he would have addressed his ability to tan darkly in this video, perhaps in the fair skin section. More on that below. 

More relatable humor about not wanting to hike or get on a boat gets worked in to Dan finding out that he is not the least bit Asian or American. I vaguely recall a rumor about him being part Asian, let’s lay one that to rest. And I remember him hoping years ago that he might be part Native American because his grandma was adopted, but I found that extremely unlikely. Probably just a bit of wishful thinking perhaps brought on by being Team Jacob. 

Now here is the part that interests me the most. On the Ancestry DNA test I gave to my parents, 1.8% was considered a “trace amount”, but in this 23andMe service they give a specific timeline for when each genetic group cropped up and the West African and Scandinavian both span from the late 1700s to mid 1800s, not that long ago. Dan concludes that “a ‘Scandi’ and a West African got it together” (insert graphic of the two countries coming together with a smooching sound effect). I’m not sure if that timeline is definitively saying they were a couple, but Dan’s Wikipedia research supports it and it is an interesting bit of history. 

Segue into a brief farming family reunion story. 400 cousins, I’m sure. Shift to black and white and cue the unexplained mysteries music for Dan’s adopted grandmother mention. Dan “feels like there’s some epic adventure story there for another time”. Sign me the frick up! In fact please just bring your grandma onto one of your YouTube videos. She has always been the one Dan has been most comfortable talking about and even sharing pictures of. (Oh 'helo ther’ unflattering selfie from the Tinder spon on Dan’s computer). 

I appreciate Dan showing the Haplogroup migrations of his paternal line, but in true Dan fashion it included commentary about “presumably wrestling mammoths and getting frozen or something” in Asia and “then buggered off to Europe to get bitten by a rat or something”. “And consistently had sex for thousands of years. Well done ancestors (Dan applauds) truly incredible story. Lord of the Rings. Ten out of ten. Would read again.” Lovely sarcastic Dan. 

 And as he hypes up “the fun stuff”, “weird things about your personality, health and biology”, and “intimate specific information” that he probably shouldn’t share with the Internet”, but he will because he’s “just a piece of meat”, I get hit with a mid video ad of Gwen Stefani applying mascara, because the cheeky bastard made this exactly ten minutes and one second long. (To be fair Phil did the same thing recently). 

Dan has 300 Neanderthal variants, more than 82% of their customers. This is the same percentage as Phil, who talked about his head and brow shape and nasal chambers, but Dan uses this to relate to his “dank cave” dwelling habits (never opening the curtains of his bedroom). Based on his genetics, Dan is not likely to be a deep sleeper. “As I always say, why bother sleeping when you can stay awake thinking about stuff that makes you anxious. Right! Woo!” Dan addressing his mental health with humor, is always appreciated. I can actually see the power athlete possibility. He could be a big strong guy, but “wasted potential” and all that. (Personally my lazy self recoils at the idea of people dedicating so much of their time to training up their bodies to be these perfect machines, but hopeful D&P are spending some time at the gym for their general health.) “Looking at memes and talking about myself” is a great self-aware one liner. 

 Alright “cheek dimples”! Flop. What does this test know anyway? Stop referring to them as a deformity Dan, everyone loves your dimples! Okay I just did a bunch of reading on dimples and I guess they are considered a genetic deformity now a days. However on a social-biological level they may have all sorts of benefits, from being able to read emotions more clearly, to people wanting to procreate with you and not abandoning their cute babies. Dan has also been saying lately that he’s double deformed, but it is actually quite rare to have one side of your cheeks dimpled. (I used to have dimples as a child and all of a sudden they are back, but they are closer to my mouth than my smile lines and may just be from fat. Who knows.) 

 Alright good thing this isn’t a spon, calling the results “garbage”, “pseudoscience” and a “farce” even in jest, might not fly. Dan’s distrust of blonds Tweet is (at least partially) explained. I still think it might also relate to Dream Daddy and it is a mighty coinkidink that it was posted on the one year anniversary of Frank Ocean’s album. Promos all around? We just need to accept that Dan is a multilayered creature we will never fully understand. My husband will appreciate being compared to a unicorn though. 

Dan’s pain kink and weird enjoyment of the dentist makes a resurgence! Please make a full video out of this Dan. We promise not to shame… much. “Scrape me Dad-”. Interestingly enough Phil has an average sensitivity pain but thought it would be higher, hates having his gums scraped and implied his dentist might be a sadist. 

Dramatic build up and disclaimer for genetic health and increased risk of disease section. Feeling very relieved for the low risk of Altzheimers after reading that tear jerking dementia phanfic the other day (though it was Phil with the disease and I don’t think he mentioned it in his video). Dan was clearly worked up as well. He rests his face in his palm and is visibly pink and blotchy. 

He balances the seriousness with an over the top dramatic reaction to being a carrier for red hair, complete with a black and white fake sobbing scene. I’ll admit I found his pause at “So you’re telling me that there’s a chance that I could have children— born with red hair” a bit distracting, though I’m sure it wasn’t mean that way. “There was no disclaimer for this one.” Ha. I case you didn’t know he’s just joking “you beautiful sunset heads, rub those freckles all over me.” Dan has made his love of ginger people quite clear in the past and this tends to start a discourse about Phil’s natural hair color. 

I’ll weigh in on this. Phil was clearly ginger as a young child, just as Dan was blond when he was little. Both of their hair darkened quite a bit as they grew up, each becoming increasingly more brown. It’s harder to tell with Phil because he has denied his natural hair color for so long and seemingly makes up things about old photographs. Did he actually dye his hair before his first day of secondary school? Perhaps it was a bit of bleach that brighten it up and brought out the yellow/orange tones. In Phil’s Tinder spon he did admit to his hair getting a bit ginger during the summer. However by the time of his graduation, early university years and his appearance on 'The Weakest Link’ he had light-medium brown hair that I have a hard time considering a shade of auburn. You might call it nutmeg, but not cinnamon. I have medium auburn hair that has dulled with age, but does get more copper in the sun. But I don’t think Phil can be considered ginger anymore, especially as he chooses not to embrace it, so Dan’s love of ginger people seems completely separate from his fondness for Phil (except perhaps the freckles). 

Moving on to skin pigmentation and the title of his video, “How white is Dan Howell?” He laughs at his genetically light skin. 39% Very fair, 32% Moderately fair and “at most 25% Light beige” and acknowledges his privilege. It would have been a great chance to maturely talk about his ability to tan when he was younger, relating to his Southern European and West African ancestry without making problematic 2010/2011 era jokes. However it seems paleness is part of Dan’s branding now (since Phil has clearly turned him into a vampire). Or it’s just the “never go outside”, “cave dwelling” schtick. We’ve all seen your freckles Dan. 

In conclusion he hopes that people took something away from this be it “the possibility that [he] will have a ginger child in the future, that no one believes is [his], or that humanity has so much in common and we shouldn’t be divided by fascism, or that in the near future 'Zuck’ will be able to target ads to us based on our genetic code.” I sure hope it’s the middle one. “Ayy fuck Nazis”. Still, Dan gives us 20 years before society implodes. Finally he turns a joke about exercise into a confession about crying while reading the news. Seriously, well done Mr. Howell. (Nice promo for the casual and intimate liveshows too.) 

This was a great contrast to Phil’s light hearted DNA results video with Science!Phil, CushionStack.com, buff kangaroo attraction, naked mole rats, Buffy Summers alias, “top of the morning to ya”, Phil’s French ear, German elbow, Swedish eyebrow and Sardinian freckle, alien jokes, celebrity haplogroups, testing out his photic sneeze reflex and short-term memory and talking about asparagus urine detection. Bless Phill. I love him, truly. 

Both Dan and Phil’s videos do inspire me to send off the raw data of my parents DNA to a better company that can give me more detailed results. Maybe 23andMe. I’ve heard good things about the Human Genome Project as well. Ancestry DNA was pretty rubbish. 'Zuck’ and his wife should give these boys some money (if they haven’t already).

[deehollowaywrites]

I excerpted part of a chapter from Losing the Bug in July’s rewards, and now I’m posting it here, mainly for noted Benthusiast @lilbit4point0.

The sets at Natural Art were solid that morning, a thick white-capped wave rolling in every twenty minutes or so like we’d ordered them special. Dario sat next to me on his board and we hung out for a minute while a couple of the other regulars peeled off.

“You’re wasting time,” he called. The wind blew wet tangles across his face. Blond as he already was, in a month or so his hair would be Barbie-bleached thanks to the sun and salt water and the chlorine of the pool on his parents’ back patio. “What are you waiting for, dude?”

I shrugged, curling my legs up under my board beneath the water. “Not in any hurry. Calm your tits, Kelly Slater.”

“First good waves in a month and you’re not in any hurry,” Dario repeated. He clipped the side of his hand across the water to splash at me. “You better be. We need to leave in like ten minutes if you don’t want to be late for your date.”

“Uh-huh. Fifteen hands tall, long black hair…” I laughed, thinking of the first colt slotted onto my morning work-out schedule. “Shitty temper. Exactly my type.”

Dario laughed too, his face turned south to where a tiny figure was barely visible carving the froth off a wave. “I can’t be your conscience, Benjamin. Leave it up to me and we’ll just hang out here all day.”

That sounded ok, actually--better than ok, a day spent surfing and swimming and walking up to the snow cone hut on the bend. Watching the sky get light, working on my tan, checking out guys. It was June and that was what summer was for. It was the other reason kids from school still blew up my phone, requests for tips and cajoling to get them into the fancy lounges at Gulfstream one day, then gossip about the upcoming Surfriders competition on Fourth of July weekend the next day. What was the point of living in a place everyone else vacationed if you didn’t avail yourself now and then?

I slid down into the water until my chest pressed the grit of my board and started paddling. After a minute Dario did too, calling, “You’re no fun!” into the breeze at my back.

“You really aren’t,” he continued when we hit the sand and picked up our boards. “Seriously, you used to be Ben the good-time boy and now you’re, like...dour.”

“Get the fuck out of here with your SAT vocabulary. I’m a shimmering delight.”

“I hate to be like this,” he said, digging in the zipper pocket of his board shorts for his keys. “But like, if I don’t tell you, who will? That’s what best friends are for. Ben. Seriously. You need an intervention.”

“If my parents thought I was working too hard I’d be hearing about it from Mom.” I levered my board into the rack on the roof of his car. “As it is, I’m pretty sure Dad thinks I don’t work hard enough, so what’s your point?”

Dario snickered as we got into the car. “Man, I don’t care how hard you work. I care how boring you are lately. You think it’s fun to surf with some uptight princess who won’t shut up about how he’s winning the riding title, not Joel Canseco?”

I frowned at my reflection in the car’s side mirror, even though the salt water was doing nice things for my hair.

“Who the hell is Joel Canseco anyway?” Dario leaned his arms on the steering wheel and stared at the line of cars inching down 3rd Street. “God, look at that, we left at exactly the right time. Ben, for real, usually you’re just bitching about that redneck homophobe or whatever.”

“Mason Waller,” I muttered. That asshole should’ve been riding Guava Grove in Tampa, or better yet hauling his ass out of the state of Florida altogether, maybe to Mountaineer or some shit. “Whatever, Dario. Look, this is how it goes, if there’s more than one apprentice around that’s who your competition is. Same weight allowance, all the trainers want that. So it starts being about who’s actually better, not just who’s tacking less than the regular jocks.”

Dario blinked at me as we waited for the light. “So kick his ass, Ben. This is kindergarten math.”

Dario had managed to be friends with me since middle school without really figuring out how horse racing worked. I scrunched my toes up inside my flip-flops, wiggling them so that sand scattered across the floor mat. “God, why didn’t I think of that?”

“Look, if he’s as high and mighty as you keep saying, he’ll fuck up eventually,” Dario said. He hit the gas to squeak through the four-way stop sign at US1, throwing me back against the seat. “Snap, you know, Jockeys Gone Wild.” He giggled, glancing at me over his Ray Bans. “No offense, but I’d probably watch that.”

“You’re mixing metaphors,” I grumbled, then dug in the center console for my phone. “He’s just...a dick. I try to be nice, why shouldn’t I be, and he’s just a dick! He’s a dick, Dario.”

“So you’re saying he’s a dick.”

“Total dick.” My phone displayed its morning reminder from Dad not to be late, a few spam emails, something from the community college about autumn classes. I flipped to Twitter. “And boring. God, he’s boring.”

“If he spends all his time bitching about you to his best friend, yeah, he’s boring.”

“Just, like--he rode in New York, right, that’s pretty tight, bugs who start off at Aqueduct and Belmont usually get really good mounts. And his fucking Twitter is one hundred percent class, all retweets of trainers whose horses he’s on and--” I waved my phone at Dario. “You know. Nothing embarrassing. He’s making me look bad, man.”

“You do that all on your own,” Dario pointed out. “Like, for real. The tiniest bit of finesse, just a thought. You need a social media manager? I’ll run your Twitter account, keep you from wrecking your career with too many accidental dick pics.”

He took a hand off the steering wheel to make air quotes, just in case I missed the heavy sarcasm.

“That was one time, and there were extenuating circumstances.” Dario scoffed. I flipped him off, grinning. No apprentice avoided jock hazing, and social media made it easy to capture the egg-drenched hair, the water-soaked breeches, the pantsing and shoe polish. “Anyway, I’m pretty sure he’s a robot. Can robots win riding titles? I’m pretty sure it’s in the Florida statutes that they cannot.”

“Google it,” Dario said.

I tapped Gulfstream’s official account and scrolled down to where they’d tweeted something about Joel. I wasn’t following him, of course--I had been, because it was usually fun to chat with apprentices at different tracks, and then I’d promptly unfollowed him about two minutes after meeting him in person. “You know he told me I’m--”

“Sloppy,” Dario filled in. “I remember you mentioning that about twelve times this morning, actually.” He snorted and braked for the Hallandale Beach exit. “Maybe he’s just shy.”

“Shy?” I stuck my head out the window and howled. “I never met a shy horseman in my life. You can’t be shy in this business. You either know how to talk to people or you think you’re too good to need to.”

“Ok,” Dario said, ignoring my dramatics. “Maybe he thinks you’re cute.”

“Everyone thinks I’m cute,” I said. “Because I am. It usually works in my favor.”

“See,” he said, sighing. “That’s the problem. You’re spoiled, Ben, you’re used to smiling and people dropping their shit to get you a drink or let you copy their homework or throw a horse at you or whatever. Cute guys never have to work like the rest of us.”

“Please,” I said as we paused at the light for the horsemen’s lot. “This from Coconut Grove’s own Dane Dehaan.”

Dario pulled into a visitor’s spot and leaned across the seat to look at Twitter with me. “Oh my god. Thinking you’re cute isn’t the problem, clearly.” He grabbed my phone, Ray Bans sliding down his nose. “Is he Cuban?”

“Cuban-American,” I said. “I think. He’s from Miami, so...I guess it’s unfair, really, for me to feel all threatened. He’s got as much right to be riding here as anyone else.” I brooded for a minute while Dario started up his commentary over the pictures on Joel’s Twitter. “Still. He could’ve stayed in New York. No one would have minded.”

“So I don’t think he’s a robot,” Dario said. “Or if he is it’s the kind where they have multiple emotional settings. His Instagram is a little more human.”

I snatched my phone back. “How’d you find his Instagram?”

Dario cocked his head, smiling like I was a newborn. “There was a picture link in one of his mentions. God, Ben, do you understand how Twitter works?”

I scrolled slowly through the Instagram feed. “I just figured he didn’t have one since it’s not in his bio.”

“Not all of us put our entire life stories in a Twitter bio,” Dario said. “Cultivate some fucking mystique, hon, I swear.”

I didn’t say anything back, being a little distracted by how different Joel’s Instagram was from his Twitter. His name wasn’t in the handle, jjockeyc, which I guessed made it harder for creeps like me and Dario to find. There were track shots, sure, kind of artsy-lite pictures of horses at weird angles and sunrises, but it was mostly other stuff: bookstores and alley cafes captioned things like ‘pho yeah @ tha strand’ and New York skylines and marquees of movies. I hadn’t heard of most of them. Here it was, a whole little world that was hard to imagine him fitting into. My skin felt strange--almost crawling--like I was peeking through his window, even though it wasn’t like the Instagram was private.

Not many of the pictures featured him, a lone selfie for every five basically-identical shots of Aqueduct’s main track. For some reason I was glad.

“Shit,” Dario said. “I thought you said he was gay.”

“Pretty sure he is,” I said. “I told you about that interview, right? And like...people are sometimes nasty to him online. You know how it goes.”

“So who’s that girl? Maybe he’s bi.”

I tapped the photo Dario was pointing at, a picture of Joel and a girl with their tongues stuck sideways, arms looped over each other’s shoulders and the phone held out from the girl’s hand. She was pretty, fantastic skin and a pair of silver door-knocker earrings poking through wavy brown hair.

“‘Mi hermana la supermodelo,’” I read off the caption. “His sister, I guess.”

The shot bothered me, Joel’s eyes creased like he was about to laugh, or had been laughing before his sister took the picture. He didn’t look like himself at all.

“Awww,” Dario cooed. “See? Not a robot.”