#he would love the storyline and the songs ugh

[emphasis-on-the-oopsie]

Roman playing rhythm doctor livestream when /j

[lemotmo]

Ugh, please let this be what they're actually doing. It makes so much sense and I would love to watch it.

Q. Why do you think the next clip will feature Buck? Is there usually a strategy to a show releasing cut scenes?

A. Oh there's definitely a strategy to choosing the scenes to release. Usually it ends up being scenes that will be at least partially relevant for upcoming episodes/storylines but weren't necessarily relevant to previous episodes. The reason I believe the next clip will feature Buck is because making the first two clips a Tommy scene and then an Eddie scene was definitely a deliberate choice. Anytime an episode last season featured the 3 of them the promo pics were always staged as having Eddie in between Tommy and Buck. The lone exception was the medal ceremony pics which had Buck in between Eddie and Tommy. But the 3 were always presented as a triangle. That's clearly an intentional thing on the show's part. I don't see them changing that when it comes to releasing the deleted scenes. The context of the two clips is also very telling, especially the Eddie/Christopher scene.

The Tommy scene is easy. It was standard issue plot device dialogue. Tommy's view of Evan is very surface level focused. His priority is their physical relationship, which doesn't require any kind of emotional connection (example: not calling him Buck). Every line of dialogue he had following 7x4 stuck to that theme, including the deleted scene. However, the Eddie/Christopher scene was entirely about emotional connection, and is exactly why I think the next scene they release will be bachelor party related. Eddie's story about his and Shannon's first meeting focusing on the fact that she was the one who did most of the talking, while he was the one who wanted to listen to her talk, was significant for a couple of reasons. One reason is it shows a quality that Eddie clearly finds attractive in a partner. He likes to listen to his person talk. The other significant thing was the pronoun change. When Eddie was talking about the past he said "she", the moment the conversation turned towards the future he said "they/them". That was deliberate. In the timeline of the show this scene takes place a little while after the bachelor party, making the karaoke song choice all the more telling. Especially if Eddie is the one who chose the song. Their karaoke song was 'What I Like About You'. The chorus of that song, meaning the most repeated lines of the song, are:

"Keep on whispering in my ear"

"Tell me all the things that I wanna hear"

'Cause it's true (that's what I like)"

"That's what I like about you (that's what I like)"

Eddie likes to listen to his person talk. It is canon that Eddie likes to listen to Buck talk. Tons of canon scenes of Eddie looking fondly at Buck when he goes on one of his rambles. There is a scene of Buck talking into Eddie's ear at the bachelor party. Eddie switched pronouns because he started the conversation talking about Shannon but he ended the conversation talking about Buck, whether he's actually aware of that yet or not remains to be seen. It's why Ryan has made a point of comparing Shannon and Buck during his interviews. It's why the show made a point of comparing the two of them. That's what they're doing. For Eddie it doesn't matter that Shannon was female and Buck is male. For Eddie it's about how those two people, and only those two people, make him feel. It's why the instant family set up with Anna and Marisol made him spiral, but why that same setup with Buck doesn't make him spiral. He sees Buck the same way he saw Shannon. Like Ryan said Eddie romanticizes his history with Shannon but how he felt when he was around her , at least in the beginning, is very real ,and Buck has been the only other person to make Eddie feel like that. I don't think he will label himself. I absolutely think he's demi, but I think the story the show is telling is that for Eddie it's about the emotional connection he has only ever had for two people. It just so happens that one was female and one is male.

The deleted clips are about how differently Tommy and Eddie see Evan/Buck, and relationships in general. And how that very much sets up the story of Eddie and Buck that season 8 will tell. At least this is what I think they're doing. This is what it looks like they're doing.

Nonny I fully agree with you. Thank you for dropping this in my inbox!

Thank you Ali for sharing your POV and insight into this topic. It's fascinating how your mind works. :) I read this and all of it makes perfect sense. I really really really hope that this is what they are doing as well.

We'll just have to wait for the next deleted scene to drop to see whether or not this is the route they are taking. *crosses fingers*

IMPORTANT! Please don't repost this ask and/or a link that leads straight to my Tumblr account on Twitter or any other social media. Thank you!

Heads up! For anyone who is giving me the shifty eyes for reposting Ali's updates instead of reblogging. Read this.

Remember, no hate in comments, reblogs or inboxes. Let's keep it civil and respectful. Thank you.

If you are interested in more of Ali’s posts, you can find all of her posts so far under the tag: anonymous blog I love.

[captainfern]

hiii, how are you?? :)

so, I saw that your request is open and I would like to place an order if possible and especially if you like the idea!!

price x femreader, they met because of the friendship between reader and gaz/laswell (or whatever character you prefer!!!) and you know they fall in love but eventually john ends things because he thinks he's putting reader in danger. anyway they end up meeting again at a party/bar/club or some IDK social event and then they end up coming back!!! fluffy, smut and a little bit of angst.

I ended up thinking about it while listening to love song and california by lana del rey + attention by charlie puth lol lolol

ps: I just want to say that I love your writing and your fanfics!! you are one of my favorite call of duty blogs!!!!!!! 💗

ps²: sorry if what i wrote was confusing to read, english it's not my first language

I hope your week is great and full of good things!!! bye bye 💞💗💘💓💕💖💝

Come As You Are

Captain John Price x fem!reader

[“Come As You Are��� by Nirvana]

[18+]

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• summary - your captain ends your relationship after thinking he’s putting you in danger. a year later, you meet again, and he shows you how much he regrets his original decision lol. • rating - 18+ • wordcount - 2.4k • warnings - fem!reader, unprotected piv, some sub!price, praise, oral [f!receiving], cum eating??? ugh idk, implied age gap, strong language, i tried to make it a bit fluffy but my whore brain blinds me 😔🤚, a smidge of angst but not really cause i just can’t write angst 😭

✿ thank you you’re too sweet !! i love the idea <3 i’ve altered it a bit for the smut storyline but i hope it’s ok !!

•º•º•º•º•º•º•º•º•º•º•º•º•º•º•º•º•º•º•º•º•º•º•º•º•

Your relationship with Captain John Price had been nothing short of tumultuous.

It wasn’t necessarily a bad thing, but the entirety of your relationship— both platonic and romantic— was much different to others your age.

You had met Price on a whim— Gaz, your best friend since childhood, introduced you to the idea of joining the military. You did, and he eventually got you the opportunity of a life time, working in an actual task force.

You had been ecstatic. You were a good shot, a machine with a gun, and you knew your skills were unmatched. You had walked into your first day on the task force thinking you were more than just a rookie.

One meeting with Captain Price changed that.

He made sure you knew you had to work for it. You had to work as a part of the team, pull your weight, and ensure that everyone else got to the same point as you did. He put you through your paces, he pushed you to your limits, and eventually, it all came to a head.

You fired up at him. Why was he picking on you? Why was he singling you out? You were just as capable as Ghost and Soap and Gaz. Why did he insist on making your rookie year a living hell?

His answer caught you by surprise— a deep grunt, a jerk of his hand on your shirt, and the slamming of his mouth to yours.

And that’s how it started.

Much similar to how it ended.

[Flashback]:

“I can’t keep putting you in danger like this.” Price said, as you lay on a hospital stretcher, blood marring your face and a deep wound to your stomach, wrapped in gauze.

“It’s not your fault, captain.” You breathed, the lights of the hospital room giving you a headache.

He grimaced. “It’s is my fault. And… the thought of losing you… bloody hell, sarge, it’s tearing me apart.”

You blinked at him, raising a weak hand to place on his, rubbing his knuckles. “You’re not going to lose me, Price.”

He nodded slowly, eyes glistening. “Yeah… I won’t lose you, love. Because you’re being discharged.”

You were confused. “From the hospital?”

Price cleared his throat, emotion choking him. “No, love. From the task force.”

You stared at him, thousands of different emotions brewing inside you, bubbling in the cauldron of your mind. The final product was tears, unexpectedly, streaming down your face. He looked at you, flooded with guilt, shifting his hand so he could grip yours tight.

“Price…”

“I’m sorry, love,” he whispered. “I’ve lost too many people in this profession. I can’t lose you too.”

“That’s not your choice to make.” Your voice broke.

Price just nodded. “It is. Captain’s orders.”

Then, he kissed you— gentle, slow, an apology. Your face was wet with tears, shining in his facial hair. He put every bit of emotion he had into that kiss, before he stood up, squeezed your hand one last time, and walked out of the room.

•°•

A year later, you sat at the bar of the most popular night club in the area. The music pulsed around you, bright lights flashing through the darkness, painting the walls neon.

After leaving the military— a gunshot scar on your stomach as a souvenir— you pursued what you always wanted to do. Morphing back into civilian life after spending a couple of years in the military was difficult, but you made it work.

You especially made it work when you finally had the freedom to go out and get absolutely wasted.

But tonight was different.

You sat at the bar, swirling your drink in its glass, pouting into space. Today was the one year anniversary of you being discharged. Despite having knocked back several drinks, your appetite for alcohol had soured, and you suddenly just wanted to go home.

You exited the club and were met by the crisp night air. Shivering, you wrapped your arms around you and prepared to call yourself a taxi.

“All alone?” A random man approached you, around your age, and smiled.

How the literal fuck did he want you to reply to that question? Does it look like you’re standing with a bunch of people?

“Oh, uh, no. I’m just waiting for my… boyfriend.” You stammered, hugging your arms around you tighter as you tried to pull out your phone with shaking hands.

“Well, you want some company while you wait?” The man asked, and you shook your head, trying to be as polite as possible.

“No thank you, I’m fine,” you were trying to think of something to say to get him to leave. “My, uh, my boyfriend doesn’t like me talking to other guys.”

The man hummed, getting closer to you. “Sounds like a prick, your boyfriend. How about I buy you a drink then?”

Was this guy dumb?

“No, thank you.” You said, taking a large step away from him.

He went to follow, but suddenly, he was yanked backwards by the collar of his shirt, and he made a distressed sound from the back of his throat as he stumbled.

You did poorly to hide your shock as Price, in all his glory, stood on the pavement, grabbing the random man by the scruff of his neck.

“She said no, did she not?” Price growled. “So fuck off.”

The man scrambled to regain his footing, before he was hurrying away. You took a deep breath, body suddenly hot as Price approached you, a solemn look on his face.

“Love…”

“Look, thanks for that, but I should really get going—” You rambled, turning away, but he caught your wrist.

He pulled you closer to him, the warmth of his body comforting in the midnight chill. His eyes scanned your face, soft. He brought his free hand up to the side of your head, running his thumb along your cheekbone.

“What are you doing here, Price?” You forced yourself to ask, voice quiet.

He didn’t reply straight away. He just cradled your face after bringing his other hand up from your wrist, cupping your other cheek. He stared at you, like he was memorising your features, eyes suddenly glossy and a small smile quirking at the corners of his mouth.

“Just out for a drink.” Price answered, and you could smell the faint aroma of tobacco, whiskey and mint on him. “You?”

“Same.” You replied, relishing in his large hands around your face.

He thumbed your cheekbones, sighing softly to himself. “I’ve… I’ve missed you, love.”

You were trying not to cry now.

“Think about you every day,” Price breathed. “I… I made a mistake. I’m so sorry I let you go.”

You felt paralysed by his words, pinned beneath his gaze. Your body was hot and cold at the same time, your hands clammy but goosebumps still rippled along your bare arms.

“I’m such an idiot. I should never… I should never have let you go the way I did,” Price said. “I was just so scared of losing you that, in reality, I did lose you, didn’t I?”

You nodded slowly, tears stinging in your eyes. “Yeah…”

Price held your face tighter, but still gently. “Jesus, love, I’m so sorry. Will you let me make it up to you? I… I have so much to say. So much to apologise for.”

You felt yourself nod again. “Let’s go back to mine.”

•°•

“I’m sorry, love—”

When you went back to your place, you had every intention of talking it through with Price. After all, it had been a year since you had last spoken to each other.

“I’m so sorry, my love. I missed you so much—”

You had a feeling deep in your stomach that you’d forgive him, that you’d give in to his charm. So you accepted his apology. Of course you did. You loved him.

“Missed you so much— should never have made you go— I’m so sorry—”

You loved Captain John Price.

“Ah, fuck, love, missed this, missed you—”

Which is why the two of you were fucking on your couch.

“Missed this pretty cunt— ah, fuck.” He gripped your hips as you rode him, moving back and forth, up and down on his lap.

He was panting and whining beneath you, your hands on his shoulders, keeping you grounded. He watched the way you sucked him in; where his cock slipped in and out of your dripping heat. Each bounce you made on his cock, each squeeze of your gummy walls, made him spew out even more rambles, throwing his head back and huffing loudly into your living room.

“So good, s’good as I remember,” he groaned as you ground yourself against him. “Missed this wet cunt. Missed you, love.”

A broken record, he was. But it was playing the most beautiful of symphonies.

“I know, Price, I know,” you said. “Missed… ha… missed you too.”

He looked at you, and that’s when you noticed his eyes were brimming with tears. He moved his hands from your hips to your waist, gripping you comfortingly as you worked your cunt around his cock, moving in tandem with the small thrusts of his hips.

You felt your heart melt. Leaning in, you sealed his mouth in a warm kiss. He moaned into it, tongue licking against yours, chest flushed to your bare tits. The coarse hair made you squirm in his lap.

“So good, love, so good, fucking hell,” Price mumbled as you pulled out of the kiss. He ducked his head to suck at your neck, and you could feel a slightly cold wetness. Tears? “Love you so much, my love.”

You were relishing in the way he whined into your neck, holding you as if you’d fly away at any moment. His thrusts were becoming more desperate, you noticed, and your thighs began to ache in your attempts to keep up.

“I love you too.” You whispered, legs shaking.

Usually, it’d be you reaching your peak first. But, just as that burning sensation began to build in your lower tummy, Price was letting out a guttural moan from the crook of your neck.

He was thrusting into you in mismatched rhythm, teeth skimming against the soft skin of your neck.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry— fuck, I can’t—” Price moaned, shooting his load inside you.

You hummed a moan, mouth parting as his motions stilled. You stopped your movements as well, cunt aching with the need for release. You were so close—

Price held your flushed body to him, whimpering softly into the curve of your neck. His semi-hard cock plugged his seed into the depths of your cunt, which throbbed around him in tandem with your racing heart. You could feel slight droplets of his cum and your arousal begin to seep out of you.

“‘M sorry,” he whispered, sucking at your neck. “Couldn’t wait. Felt so good ‘round me. So wet and tight.”

Your stomach fluttered, body tight and tingling and your core was almost aching. You let out a shaky exhale. Price could feel the way you were twitching around his cock, and he suddenly felt even more guilty.

But an idea came to mind.

Carefully— with whatever remaining strength he had after coming the hardest he had in over a year— he lifted you off of his cock. He moved you from his lap so that you were laying on your back across the couch.

You stared at him as he massaged his hands up your bare legs. His eyes trailed along your dripping cunt, watching his cum leak out. He gripped his cock, stroking it a few times, before groaning and releasing it. He instead grabbed hold of your thighs as he positioned himself along the couch also.

He placed your thighs on either side of his head, the sensitive flesh of your inner thighs tickled by his beard. You writhed against the couch as his warm breath fanned against your dripping core.

“Price?” You voiced.

“Yeah, love?”

“What’re you doing?”

His hands tightened around the fat of your thighs. He grunted, “Apologising.”

Then, his mouth came into contact with your heat. You jerked, eyes rolling in your skull, hips pushing against his face. He probed your abused hole with his tongue; thick and warm, making you moan loudly.

The sounds were obscene. He was literally lapping his own cum out of your cunt, mixed with your arousal; a lustrous elixir that continued to pool down the slope of your arse, smearing across his face.

His tongue moved in and out of you. With each movement, he was grunting and releasing guttural sounds from the back of his throat. He massaged your thighs, kneading the soft flesh with large, calloused fingers.

Price’s nose nudged your clit repeatedly; the enflamed nerves hyper-sensitive. You moaned his name, shooting a hand down to clamp into his hair. You tugged, pulling his face further into your cunt, and he hummed, satisfied.

He traced his tongue up and down your folds, circling around your clit before applying suction and drawing it into his mouth. You wanted to scream as the pressure built, before he was dragging his mouth back around your hole, stuffing his tongue back inside with an embarrassing squelch.

“Price, oh my god, Price,” you groaned, grinding yourself onto his face. “So close, ‘m so close.”

Price spurred you on, redoubling his movements, fucking his tongue into you faster. Your stomach was growing tight with pleasure, your legs shaking against his head, breath coming in pants.

“Hngh,,, oh, fuck, Price—!” You moaned as your orgasm slammed into you.

You felt yourself gush into Price’s mouth as he continued his ministrations, tongue stroking you through your release. His happily lapped up every last milky droplet of you release, humming contentedly against you.

You whined, tugging his head away from your core, urging him to kiss you. He complied, his face wet, the taste of you on his lips.

“Missed you so much, my love,” he whispered, kissing you again. “I’m never letting you out of my sight again. I promise.”

You giggled. “Well, I am going to have to go to the bathroom.”

“Guess you’ll have an audience.” Price said jokingly, and you laughed again.

“I didn’t take you for a voyeur, Price,” you winked. “I also didn’t think you had a piss kink. Damn. The more you know.”

Price rolled his eyes. “Don’t even start, love.”

He pressed a kiss to your forehead, his lower face tacky and still rather wet. But you didn’t care.

“I love you, Captain.”

“I love you more, my darling.”

•º•º•º•º•º•º•º•º•º•º•º•º•º•º•º•º•º•º•º•º•º•º•º•º•

[sylvies-chen]

okay I’ve refrained from posting my thoughts on the ted lasso finale until now in the interest of making sure they’re expressed properly so that people understand how correct my opinions actually are. but I’m here and I’m queer and LET’S DO IT FOLKS:

TED LASSO FINALE THOUGHTS

THE GOOD:

Nate!! Nate was a timid, sweet note in this episode. It was such a gentle little reintegration of his character back into the team and seeing him get a secure happy ending after all that time of insecurity was the part of the episode that provided the MOST payoff. Seeing Nick Mohammed’s post about Nate and his family life and understanding how much he put into that character was so beautiful to see too. I adore actors who very publicly (and in a nerdy way) love their craft!

His conversation with Ted also made me cry like I have never cried before.

COLIN KISSED HIS FELLA AFTER A WIN!! Ugh such a beautiful payoff and full circle moment for him, I was truly squealing with joy <3

The team’s rendition of So Long, Farewell had me GIGGLINGGG oh my god, I’m a die hard Sound of Music fan so I loved it! I would have maybe liked a little more emotion from Ted, I felt like his reaction was kind of… meh? meek? but other than that the song itself was FANTASTIC.

Obviously I love that they won the game, duh

They also had a lot of really amazing and thoughtful callbacks in this episode, like Keeley’s parallel to her entrance in the pilot was great, Ted’s bbq sauce mantra, Nate leaping into Ted’s arms, the ussie guy, the winning play being the play from season 1. All of those little moments showed a strong attention to detail I truly loved.

I love that Rupert made HIMSELF unlikeable in the end. Rebecca didn’t need to ruin his life; she stopped caring and soon saw he was doing a perfectly fine job of doing it himself. Karma truly is Rebecca Welton’s boyfriend!! Or is it?

Jake the motherfucking client seducer over here turning out to be a total dud like yesss!! I don’t want Ted and Michele back together by any means but fuck that guy lol, glad to see she and Henry were getting sick of him

BELIEVE. 😭

Which leads me to…

THE BAD:

I know you all know I ship Tedbecca, but this is truly not coming from a shipper standpoint when I say that that first scene of them was absolute BAIT. It was pretty disappointing because I know Ted Lasso’s been prone to red herrings and fakeouts every now and then but I didn’t take it as a show that would truly bait their fans with something like that??

I don’t care if I’m biased, I don’t care if the writers were trying to be avant-garde with their ending for rebecca, I’ll say what I’m about to say a million times: writing off 1 of your 2 most main characters into a happy ending with a man whose name the audience doesn’t even know is literally never a good writing decision. I think this should be obvious.

I have no hate to Boat Guy, Rebecca’s whole thing with him was basically the plot of Before Sunrise + Before Sunset (all hail Richard Lanklater) if someone watched those movies and then tried condensing them into fifteen accumulated minutes of television

Keeley, Roy, Jamie… they did you three so fucking dirty my babes. Keeley you especially. I’m beyond disappointed, bordering on genuinely hurt, by how much they screwed up Keeley and all of her adjacent storylines this season.

I loved RoyKeeley so much in seasons 1 and 2, they had such a sweetness and a magic to them. There were so many elements like that to season 1 and 2 that I feel the writers gave up on in the name of growth or… honestly, at this point, I don’t know why they did this. Roy was a little insecure in seasons 1 and 2, but I never felt like he was needy. It felt so cruel to have shown us RoyKeeley in all of these moments of such stability, such healthiness, and such genuine love for so long and then rip it away for some version of Roy Kent that felt hollow, twisted, and who just Did Not Get It. It makes me so sad.

It makes me sad for Jamie too. Him falling for Keeley again was like the last thing I needed to see from his character. There’s so much else they could have done with him, and instead they took that beautiful moment of him being accountable and respectful with Keeley and the tape, and they turned it into something ugly: they had him weaponize it as a bargaining chip against Roy.

I don’t understand why they thought having our favs engaged in this very sexist outdated convo with such possessive language in the name of comedy was a good idea. I get it was poking fun at them but it was the kind of fun that shouldn’t have to be poked at by now. They’re not these men, I don’t recognize this version of them. It’s such a regression.

speaking of weird and uncomfortable shit being played off for laughs… beard and jane got married! ted wasn’t even there! she shredded his passport to keep him in captivity! how creepy! (see the joke is that they’re crazy and do toxic things to each other. you’re supposed to laugh.)

[lovessidney]

Hey syd hiii!!!ugh mm I was wondering if you can please make a Gerard way x reader she/her fanfic where Gerard and her are both in mcr and they are fwb but she has another boy (you can choose the name) that she met in school that still thinks she’s in love with him until one day she sends him a live picture of Gerard and her kissing and hugging super touchy and he gets jealous and tries to always be around her and protect her but she’s in love with Gerard and they fight over her and their always back stage arguing bc Gerard and her are just so kissy on stage thank you lovely (I absolutely adore you and your work I’m so sorry if this is Long)also can you can make it smut go FERAL!!!

Life on the murder scene

Please note that this explicit story was written by an adult, for adults. If you are under the age of 18, please do not interact.

Trigger warning: Violence, blood.

Pairing: Gerard Way x fem!Reader

Pronouns: she/her (anatomy: AFAB.)

Requested by: the sweetest, loveliest anon.

Summary: (Y/n) is the drummer of My Chemical Romance, and has an unfortunate crush on Gerard. They are also in a friends-with-benefits kind of situatonship. An old fling of (y/n)s come to visit them on tour, and everything gets really ugly before it can turn pretty again.

A/n: This request meant so much to me, it was so sweet. And I also think it’s the first time ever I’ve been called by the nickname Syd, it kinda made me tear up tbh. Sidney is not my rea” name, but it’s what I would prefer to be called irl too, so that was really special to me. Sorry for rambling, let me get back to business. I altered the storyline slightly, as I’m not so good with long-form (as in playing out over a longer period of time) content. I hope it’s still okay though anon. Thank you so much for requesting it.

The drums thundered beneath (y/n)s feet as she hammered away at the kit. Her sticks blurred as they danced between snare and cymbals, keeping the beat alive. The stage lights blazed down on her, casting her in a fiery glow, and the roar of the crowd filled her ears. This was their hometown, and the crowd had never been wilder. They'd never sounded better. The energy was crazy. The audience pulsed with every note, their bodies swaying, their voices raised. She was in her element, her body thrumming with adrenaline and dopamine, every beat of her heart in sync with the music. This was what she lived for, this connection with the crowd, this ecstasy of sound. But she wasn't just watching the crowd. She was watching Gerard. They were on fire tonight, moving across the stage in pure frenzy, their voice soaring above the instruments. She and Gerard had a friends-with-benefits thing going on, and watching them move like this made her go absolutely crazy. Gerard caught her eye, and for a moment, they were locked in a shared intensity. They both knew what this meant, this feeling of being alive, of being in the moment, of being together on stage. The crowd was just a blur now, a background of noise, as they connected through the music.

She knew she shouldn't be doing this, getting involved with someone in the band. It was risky, and it could mess things up. But she couldn't help it. She was in love with Gerard, and every time they played together, she felt it more intensely. They didn't know it, of course, and she didn't dare tell them. She didn't want to ruin what they had. So she focused on the music. She poured all her energy into the drumming, trying to drown out her feelings, trying to stay in the moment. But it was hard. Every time Gerard came close, every time they brushed against her, every time their voice filled her ears, her heart skipped a beat. She couldn't help but imagine what it would be like to be with them, really be with them, not just in this awkward friends-with-benefits limbo.

The last song of the night ended, and the crowd exploded into applause. Gerard was grinning, their eyes bright with the thrill of the moment. She’d never seen someone look so beautiful. (Y/n) felt the rush of adrenaline and excitement course through her body, and she couldn't help but grin from ear to ear. She quickly got up from behind her drum kit and joined the rest of the band at the front of the stage. As they stood there, basking in the glow of the crowd's adoration, Gerard put their arm around (y/n)'s waist. She felt a jolt of electricity shoot through her body, her heart racing as she tried to keep her composure. She had been in love with Gerard for so long, and a little gesture like this only made her feelings for them grow stronger.

Suddenly, without warning, Gerard turned towards her and pulled her into a passionate kiss. (Y/n)s body trembled as she responded to the kiss, the heat and intensity of the moment taking over all of her senses. She could feel Gerard's breath hot on her face, their lips moving against hers with an almost desperate urgency. (Y/n) was instantly lost in the moment, the energy of the concert pulsing through her veins as she kissed Gerard back with equal passion. Their bodies pressed together, their tongues exploring each other's mouths with abandon. She could feel the heat of the stage lights on her skin, the sound of the crowd fading into the background as all she could focus on was the feel of Gerard's lips on hers. 

The crowd roared even louder, cheering them on as they shared their moment of passion. This wasn't the first time this had happened, but each time it felt just as electric as the last. It was something about the adrenaline and passion that Gerard couldn’t let out in any other way. She was lost in the moment, in the rush of the music and the heat of the kiss. Eventually, the kiss came to an end, and Gerard pulled away, their eyes still locked on hers. (Y/n) was left breathless, her heart pounding in her chest as she tried to catch her breath. She knew that this was something that could never be replicated, something that could only happen in the heat of the moment on stage.

Eventually the band waved goodbye to the crowd before making their way of off stage. (Y/n)s mind was racing, her heart pounding as she tried to make sense of what had just happened, how to feel about all of it. She knew that she was in way too deep with Gerard, that her feelings for them went way beyond just a physical attraction. As they made their way backstage, the rest of the band congratulated each other on a successful show, but (y/n) couldn't focus on anything other than Gerard. She was lost in her thoughts, wondering if they could ever become something more than just this friends-with-benefits arrangement, these random sparks of passion. But for now, she pushed those thoughts aside and just enjoyed the afterglow of the concert, reveling in the adrenaline and passion that still flowed through her body. She knew that she was meant to be on stage, and that nothing else could ever compare to the feeling of being in the moment, of sharing that energy with the crowd, and of sharing that passion for music with the rest of the band.

The day after the gig, (y/n) was feeling a mix of exhaustion and euphoria. She sat in bed, scrolling through MySpace and looking at pictures that fans had taken at the show. As she lazily scrolled through the pictures, her eyes came to rest on a series of shots of her and Gerard making out at the end of the concert. In one particular shot, Gerard was kissing her neck, and (y/n)'s heart skipped a beat at the sight of it. There was something about being with Gerard that made her feel alive in a way that nothing else did. She knew that the kiss was just out of passion and adrenaline, nothing more. Still she couldn't help but feel happy whenever they were together. She chuckled to herself as she closed her laptop and got ready for another day of rehearsals. The tour was starting the day after that, and she knew that they had to be on their A-game if they wanted to make it a success.

(Y/n) sat outside rehearsals with Mikey, looking at her ringing phone. It was Ethan. She sighed deeply. She had really been trying to avoid Ethan. More so since joining the band and specifically since getting to know Gerard. Ethan had been a fling back in school, and it had ended poorly. At least on her end. They hadn’t been in a relationship, so theoretically he hadn’t been cheating while he was sleeping around with half their school but it still felt like a betrayal. She really had had feelings for him once. Those feelings was since long gone though, and now she just wanted to avoid him. She hadn’t really told him that she knew what he’d been up to, rather she’d just tried to cut him off, just ghost him. It wasn’t going that well though. He wasn’t really getting the signals. The phone kept on ringing, and she kept on staring at it. She was sitting outside, taking a break from rehearsals with Mikey. He chuckled at the ringing phone. “You’re sure you shouldn’t take that? It seems like he won’t give up” he asked. Mikey knew part of the story about Ethan, but not the part of why (y/n) wanted to cut contact with him; since she was now interested in Gerard, the charismatic singer of the band and also Mikeys sibling. (Y/n) sighed deeply and picked up the phone. “Okay, fine. I’ll see you back inside then?”

She walked a bit further, away from the bench where Mikey was sitting. She took a deep breath and answered the call. “(Y/n)! Hi!” Ethans voice enthusiastically greeted her. Why was he so chipper, she thought. “Hi Ethan” she answered, a bit more lukewarm in tone. “I’ve been trying to reach you forever. Are you too busy for me now that you have a band and success?” He teased. She frowned, this was really the least person she wanted to have a conversation with and she wished once again that she just had the guts to confront him, so he’d back off once and for all. “It’s been a hectic time lately, we had a gig here at home yesterday, and today is final day of rehearsals for the tour” (y/n) answered, giving as good of an excuse as she could. It wasn’t a lie. They’d been busy. Their second record had just been released, and they’d done lots of PR for it, as well as planning for the upcoming tour. Ethan wouldn’t get that though. He’d never really been supportive of her as a musician, and had always just seen her drumming as a ‘quirky hobby’. In hindsight, (y/n) really didn’t understand what she ever saw in him. Sure, he was good looking, but she couldn’t think of much more. “I saw the pictures on MySpace,” Ethan said, and (y/n) immediately understood which pictures this might be. She sighed internally, and Ethan kept on talking. “I thought maybe I could come see one of your gigs?” Ethan asked. (Y/n)s jaw almost dropped to the ground. Really? Was now the time to be supportive? She mentally cursed herself for not having more of a backbone to tell him off. Never seeing him again would’ve been too soon for her liking. “Are you sure that’s your type of thing? You never used to like to hear me play when we were together back then” she asked, trying to keep her tone as neutral as possible. “Come on (y/n)! I used to love hearing you play and sing.” That was just a blatant lie, she though immediately. “Uh, yeah, I guess you could come see us the in a few days, if you really want.” Maybe she could end whatever it still was they had while Ethan was visiting, she thought to herself.

She returned back to the bench where Mikey was still sitting, drinking a coke. “Mikey, why the hell was I born with absolutely no fucking backbone?” she asked him. Mikey was a close friend at this point, and he always gave her good advice, whatever the matter was. He chuckled and took another sip of coke. “What happened? It can’t possibly be that bad (y/n)” he said with a friendly smile. (Y/n) sighed deeply. “Ethan is coming out to one of our gigs. I just couldn’t say no” she explained. “Okay. That’s actually pretty bad” he said with a chuckle. “You don’t need him anymore (y/n). I get that it’s hard to just cut someone off like that, but I think it’d be for the best.” (Y/n) smiled at him. He always understood. “I know, I know. I’m going to tell him when he comes to see us. Get him out for good”.

They headed back inside where Gerard, Ray and Frank were waiting for them and continued rehearsing. They all wanted to sound their best this tour. It was something Ray had said in an interview, about wanting the crowd to feel like “they’d just been fucked” when they left a gig. They’d all taken it to heart, and more than anything they wanted to create a lasting impression on the people that actually came out to see them. Soon, afternoon came to evening and the band members began dropping off. Then, at last, there was just (y/n) and Gerard left. As soon as Frank, the last of the three other members, had left the room the whole atmosphere changed. The way Gerard looked at her went from careful glances when the rest of the band was present to something more like a a hunger now. For a moment (y/n) tried to pretend not to notice the way Gerard looked at her, playing along to a backing track of Helena and focusing on getting emotion into the beat of the song. Gerard sat on the sofa, just staring. Eventually the song came to an end and (y/n) had to remove her headphones and meet Gerards gaze. 

“What?” (Y/n) asked, despite knowing exactly what was on Gerards mind. It wasn’t the first time they were looking at her like this after all. "God, you're so talented," Gerard said, while taking big strides across the room to (y/n). "I can't believe how lucky I am to have you as my drummer”. (Y/n) knew that Gerard appreciated her musical abilities, otherwise she wouldn’t have gotten the job, but it still meant a lot to hear them say it. “Thanks” she said, trying to keep herself together while she could feel her cheeks heating up. “You’re not all too bad yourself, you know.” Gerard smirked at her and stepped closer. "You know, there's something else I appreciate about you," they said, their voice now barely above a low whisper. (Y/n) looked up at them from her place behind the drums, knowing where this could possibly lead. She decided to play along. “Oh yeah? What’s that?” she asked, her pulse quickening with anticipation. Gerard leaned in, their breath hot against (y/n)s ear. "The way you play, the way you move, the way you look," they murmured. "It's all so fucking sexy”. (Y/n) gasped at the sudden intensity of Gerard's words. She had always known that their relationship was more about physical attraction than an emotional connection. She had always hoped for more. But hearing Gerard speak so explicitly about their desire was still hit her straight in the heart. Before (y/n) could respond, Gerard closed the gap between them and pressed their lips to (y/n)s. The kiss was rough and urgent, full of pent-up passion and longing. As they kissed, Gerard's hands roamed over (y/n)'s body, tracing the contours of her curves and sending shivers down her spine. (Y/n) moaned softly into the kiss, their own hands reaching up to tangle in Gerard's hair, pulling slightly at it, knowing just what they liked. The way they moaned into her mouth made her proud, for lack of a better word. Knowing that she did that to them did things to her as well. They broke apart to catch their breath. (Y/n) smiled up at Gerard. A smile with connotations not suitable for the world outside. But with just the two of them, alone, what did it matter? "What are we waiting for?" she asked, taking Gerards hand and pulling them towards the couch. "Let's make some music."

She softly pushed them down on the couch and straddled their hips. The whine they let out at the new found friction was enough for (y/n) to feel a surge of warmth trough her body. Gerard pulled her closer, and she more than willingly grinded down against them. With one of their arms around her waist and the other wrapping around her neck they nipped at her earlobe before moving lower, kissing and nipping down her neck. (Y/n) groaned at the sensation, letting out a disappointed whine as they stopped. “Oh, was that good?” Gerard asked, grinning up at her. (Y/n) nodded enthusiastically. She ran her fingers through Gerard's dark hair, enjoying the sensation of their soft locks beneath her fingertips. She grabbed a fistful of hair and pulled slightly, eliciting a moan from far down Gerards throat. They leaned in to kiss (y/n) again, their tongues tangling together with ease. Gerard slid further down, continued to kiss along (y/n)s neck and collarbone. (Y/n) felt heat rush to her face as Gerard nibbled and sucked at her exposed skin.

Their hips met each others as she ground down against Gerard, making her gasp as she felt the bulge in Gerards, now way to tight, jeans. They pulled away to catch their breath before returning to the task at hand. Gerard's hands slid down her sides, carefully sliding her skirt of her hips. She stood up to kick it off and Gerard continued their work with her top, undoing the buttons and pulling the garment up and over her head. Her underwear was likewise discarded, tossed haphazardly on the floor. Now completely naked, (y/n) let out a pleased sigh as Gerard continued to pleasure her with their kisses, keeping her distracted while they undressed themselves. (Y/n) kissed Gerard deeply, letting their tongues tangle together as their hands explored each others bodies.

When they finally broke apart again, Gerard was pushing their pants down their legs, kicking free with ease. (Y/n) watched in fascination as Gerard pushed down his underwear, revealing themselves fully to her. Their cock was already hard, leaking with precum. Gerard carefully laid (y/n) down on the sofa and spread her legs open, and pulled her closer, slowly moving their hands up her thigh and towards her pussy. She shuddered, excited by the growing need within her. Gerard's fingers brushed against her, tracing the edges of her cunt and gliding along them. (Y/n) groaned at the touch, her eyes closing as she bit her lip. Gerard's finger slipped inside of her, teasingly slow at first before gradually speeding up. (Y/n) sighed, leaning into Gerard's hand as they worked her over. Their thumb rubbed firmly over her clit, occasionally rubbing it in circles. Her breathing began to come faster, her heart beating wildly as she rode their hand.

"Fuck me," (y/n) whispered, breaking the silence. Gerard grinned at her, sliding one more finger into her with ease. "Mhm, everything in good time" Gerard replied, pulling out to rub her clit again. Gerard's tongue snaked out of their mouth, darting out to tease her nipple. (Y/n) bit her lip to try to keep from moaning, knowing that Gerard could tell she was close. Gerard's fingers sped up their pace, working her over with skill and familiarity. (Y/n) moaned helplessly, unable to concentrate on anything but the pleasure. Gerard rubbed her clit faster, while their tongue circled her nipple. “Oh God, Gerard," (y/n) whimpered, her voice shaking. "Please..." Her words were cut short as she came, going limp as she cried out. 

They slowed down their rhythm, giving (y/n) time to get used to the change before going back to work. Gerard licked at (y/n)s nipples, causing (y/n) to whimper in delight. Gerard kept up their fingering, working her over until she was begging for release once more. "Fuck!" (Y/n) cried out. She threw their head back, arching her back in bliss as her orgasm rocked her. Gerard curled their fingers inside of her, hitting just the spot she needed. They stopped, waiting to see if (y/n) was finished with them yet. (Y/n) looked up at them, her eyes hooded with lust. 

"Gerard, I need you to fuck me now. Or so help me god". Gerard smirked at her, but wanted nothing more than to obey. They quickly got atop of her. They kissed passionately, their hands roaming over each others bodies as they moved together. When Gerard entered, (y/n) gasped with pleasure. They started slow, but built up speed steadily. Soon they were both moving with abandon, Gerard thrusting deep into (y/n). They rolled over on the couch, (y/n) now on top. She knew Gerard loved it like this. They sounded so needy, like this was what they had been waiting for the whole day. She grabbed a fistful of their hair and tugged slightly as she ground her hips into them, picking up the pace as Gerards hips began stuttering. "That’s so fucking perfect" Gerard cried out, bucking his hips into (y/n), driving themselves deeper inside of her. ”That’s it” she encouraged Gerard. ”Come for me. I want to see you break.” And it wasn't long before Gerard could no longer hold back. Their legs shook uncontrollably, muscles tightening and hips desperately stuttering as the white hot pressure raced through their body. Gerard cried out, throwing their head back with an unholy moan as their orgasm hit them. They went completely limp as (y/n) stilled in their lap.

They stayed like that for just a moment. That moment meant everything to (y/n), just getting to be close to Gerard. She treasured those moments of closeness almost as much as the ones on stage. But she knew she couldn’t stay. Hastily, she got off their lap and gathered her clothes, quickly putting them on again. Gerard was still sitting on the couch, dazed. ”I have to get going Gee, but I’ll meet you here tomorrow at 11. That’s when the bus comes to pick us up, right?” She tried her best to sound casual, like her heart wasn’t aching from having to leave them. But the proverbial show had to go on.

The first couple of shows of the tour had been absolutely amazing, and (y/n) couldn’t wait to play again the upcoming evening. But first she had to deal with a day of Ethan. He had arrived in town earlier that day, and they were all supposed to meet up for lunch. (Y/n) dreaded it, and as they sat down to eat, she couldn't help but notice the way Ethan kept staring at her. He seemed to be trying to flirt with her, bringing up old memories and trying to make her laugh. It made (y/n) uncomfortable, and she while she really didn’t want him there, she couldn’t help to feel bad. Maybe he had the idea that something could still happen between them. She looked over at Gerard, who sat across from them, trying his best to be polite, but something wasn’t quite right. If (y/n) didn’t know any better she almost would’ve thought his mood could be summed up to jealousy. Gerard could see the way Ethan was looking at (y/n), and it made them feel uneasy. They tried to engage in the conversation, but Ethan seemed to ignore them, focusing all of his attention on (y/n). Eventually, (y/n) managed to make an excuse for them to leave the unpleasant situation at restaurant, realising they had soundcheck coming up.

During soundcheck, Ethan's presence was felt like a dark cloud hanging over them. He acted strangely, standing off to the side and barely answering when spoken to. Gerard could sense the tension between (y/n) and Ethan, and he couldn't help but feel a sense of unease. After soundcheck, they all gathered backstage, waiting for the gig to start. Ethan was still there, hovering around (y/n) and trying to make conversation, and Gerard was beginning to worry. They knew part of (y/n) and Ethans history, and it made them nervous. Of course, they had no say in if (y/n) and Ethan got back together, but still, it would be heartbreaking. They were fed up with the way Ethan was acting, and he wanted to make sure that (y/n) knew how they felt about it, as they could see she was starting to look uncomfortable too.

Gerard was struggling to keep cool, their jealousy boiling just below the surface. It was an ugly, ugly emotion. Especially since they and (y/n) really wasn’t together. But still they couldn’t help but feel it. They tried to focus on the upcoming gig, but their thoughts kept drifting back to (y/n) and Ethan. They couldn't shake the feeling that Ethan was trying to win her back, and the thought made them feel sick to their stomach.

As they waited for their cue to go on stage, Gerard pulled (y/n) aside, away from Ethan's prying eyes. "I don't like the way he's acting around you," they said, their voice low and serious. "He's making me uncomfortable, and I don't want him to hurt your feelings again.” (Y/n) was taken aback by Gerard's concern. She could feel the tension between them, and it made her heart race. "I know," she replied, her voice barely above a whisper. "But I can handle him. I'm not going to let him ruin our night." Gerard looked at her for a moment, their eyes meeting. They wanted to say so much more, to tell her how they really felt, but they couldn't find the words. Instead, Gerard leaned in and kissed her, their lips meeting with passion. The kiss was electric, sending shivers down (y/n)'s spine. She could feel Gerard's arms around her, pulling her close. It was like nothing else mattered in that moment, just the two of them together. They finally broke apart and (y/n) looked at Gerard, absolutely perplexed. The whole situation was so unusual. ”For good luck” Gerard finally managed to say with a wink and a smile, before stepping out on stage.

As the band took to the stage, the crowd erupted into cheers and screams. The atmosphere was electric, and the band could feel it coursing through their veins. They played with a fierce energy, each member pouring their heart and soul into every note. Gerard, in particular, seemed to be on fire. They danced across the stage with a wild abandon, their movements more suggestive and provocative than ever before. Their eyes kept flicking back to where (y/n) sat behind the drums, and every time they made contact, a jolt of electricity seemed to pass between them.

Despite the incredible energy of the show, Gerard found that they couldn't fully focus on the music. Their mind kept drifting back to (y/n), to the way she looked behind the drums, to the way she screamed along to the lyrics as she played.

Finally, as the last song rang out, Gerard couldn't take it any longer. They strode across the stage, eyes fixed on (y/n), and pulled her to her feet. The crowd erupted into cheers and applause as Gerard pressed his lips to hers, his kiss filled with more passion and intensity than ever before. For a moment, they were lost in each other, the rest of the world falling away as their bodies pressed together. It was as though they were the only two people in the world, lost in a moment of pure passion and desire.

Finally, as the song came to an end, they pulled away from each other, their eyes locked in a fierce gaze. The crowd roared their approval, and (y/n) felt a thrill of excitement race through her body. This was what it was all about. The music, the passion, and the wild, unpredictable ride that came with it.

(Y/n) had seen the way Ethan had looked at her when she sat behind the drum kit. If someone would’ve asked her just over a year ago what she would do to make him look at her like that, she would’ve offered the world. Now, it felt wrong. It felt like Ethan was just here now because she’d ‘become someone’, like he thought what he’d done didn’t matter. It made her uncomfortable and she tried her best not to think about his presence and just focus on the music. Just making the gig count. What she hadn’t seen was the way he looked at her and Gerard when the were half way to making out at the end of the show. The look in Ethans eyes had been that of slight disgust, and somewhere in there, despise for Gerard.

On her way off stage (y/n) stopped to talk to her drum tech, just talking the set-up and some things that needed fine-tuning through in before the next gig. As she walked through the corridors she thought she could hear screaming. She shook her head, it was probably just the crowd hoping for another encore.

Gerard arrived backstage before any of the other members of the band. They were surprised to see Ethan there, with his arms crossed over his chest and pure anger in his eyes. ”You fucking disgust me” Ethan spat at Gerard as they entered the room. Gerard was still pumped up on adrenaline from the show, and the ecstasy flipped to anger much quicker than any of them expected. Gerard glared daggars at the man. ”What’s your bloody problem?” Gerard spat back. ”My problem is that you’re corrupting (y/n). The way you act on stage is repulsive, you’re dragging her down with you” Ethan answered, stepping closer to Gerard. They just stared at him for a moment. And when Gerard didn’t answer Ethan continued. ”(Y/n) used to be so good. Such a nice, sweet girl. Now she’s in the gutter with you.” Gerard was fine with people insulting them, they didn’t really care, but the moment Ethan took (y/n)s name in his mouth it was like something boiled over. 

They crossed the room in just a few strides and swung directly at Ethans face. It was so quick, and they were surprised at their own action. They weren’t one to get into fights typically, but if someone was worth fighting for, it was (y/n). The blow connected, but not enough to knock Ethan down. Ethan dodged backwards while trying to keep standing. Gerard kept swinging, but now that Ethan had his head in the game it was harder to hit. A moment of lost focus allowed Ethan to get a hit in. A hit straight over Gerards mouth, splitting their lip open. Gerard staggered backwards, but stayed on their feet. Ethan followed, ready for another round. Gerard knew they wouldn't last long if the fight went on, Ethan was both taller and stronger than them. "You don't get to speak about (y/n) like that" Gerard growled, shoving Ethan away. Ethan stumbled back several steps. "Yeah? Well she's going to regret leaving me if it’s you she’ll be stuck with" Ethan said before pushing Gerard to the ground and managing to pin them down. Gerard tried to twist free, but Ethan held them tight, pressing them against the floor. "I told you to leave her alone. And I'm not warning you again.” Ethan gritted out through clenched teeth. Gerard struggled hard, but couldn't get Ethan off. "Why should I listen to you? You're not even her boyfriend anymore, you blew that chance ages ago.” Ethan looked like he was about to punch Gerard again, and like this punch would be something other than the earlier ones. ”Well neither are you. You’re delusional if you think she’d ever want to be with someone like you” Ethan bit back.

And at the exact moment Gerard squeezed his eyes shut, waiting for a hit to the face they heard (y/n)s voice. ”Ethan! What the fuck is wrong with you?” she screamed at him. Both Gerard and Ethan was taken by surprise, and while Ethan couldn’t even begin to think of an excuse for the situation she’d found them in, (y/n) had more to say. ”Get off him right fucking now, you bastard” she yelled. ”But-” Ethan began, not quite sure where the sentence would go. ”But fucking nothing. You’re leaving right fucking now.” she spat angrily at him. ”So you’re really choosing them before me? (Y/n), are you sure about that?” he answered, voice almost mocking as he let Gerard go and stood up. (Y/n) looked at Ethan like he was absolutely insane. ”They are my best friend. They’re the world to me. You’re just an embarrassing history I can’t seem to shake. You’re leaving right fucking now and I never want to see you again. Do you understand?” (y/n) shouted at him, looking like she was about to punch him too. Angry tears were welling up in her eyes. Ethan stood still. ”I said now! Or I’m calling security”. Just a moment later security rushed through the door anyway, having been made aware of the racket. (Y/n) tried her best to calm down as she told them what had happened and directed them to escort Ethan of the premises. As soon as he was out the door she fell to her knees next to Gerard who was still laying on the floor.

”Gerard?” she asked, trying to get their attention. Gerard blinked slowly and looked up at (y/n). They saw she was crying and reached up a shaky hand to wipe a tear off her cheek. ”Don’t cry (y/n). It’s okay. Everything is okay. I’m fine, I promise” Gerard said softly and mustered up a smile, which immediately made them wince in pain. She pulled them into a hug and held them close for a long time.

Some of the personell at the venue had offered to take care of Gerard, but (y/n) had insisted on doing it herself. It was her fault that Gerard was in this state, and she’d be damned if she didn’t do her best to fix it. With a first aid kit in one hand and Gerard by the other they walked towards the bathroom. A bathroom where they, in any other situation, would probably have had sex right now. She carefully sat them down on the floor before turning to rummage through the first aid kit. She found what she was looking for. Cotton balls and some asol to clean the wounds, and plasters to cover them up. She squatted besides Gerards place on the floor. “What were you thinking, Gee? You could’ve gotten much worse hurt than this” (y/n) said, trying her best to conceal the genuine worry for them. Gerard smirked at her with a bloody lip. “He had it coming” was all they said. (Y/n) shook her head but smiled at Gerard. 

She got a cotton ball ready and held it up to their face. “Okay, are you ready? This might sting a bit” she warned them, as if they’d never had a wound cleaned before. She softly dabbed the cotton ball against their split lip. Gerards eyes screwed shut and they winced at the feeling. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry” (y/n) said softly. She cleaned the wounds one after one before plastering them up. She looked at Gerard. Even like this, with a split lip and bruises beginning to form, they were absolutely stunning. “Okay Gee, you’re all fixed up”. Gerard smiled softly at (y/n). “Thank you. You didn’t have to do that you know” they said with a voice that told (y/n) they were grateful but somewhat ashamed about the whole situation. She was just about to stand up when Gerard grabbed her hand. They looked at her with big eyes. “Would you kiss me?” (Y/n) smiled at them, just slightly perplexed by the whole situation. But how could she ever say no to kissing Gerard. They were a dream. Her dream. She had never loved someone like she loved Gerard. She leaned in and pressed her lips to Gerards, softly and sweetly. The feeling between them was something unfamiliar, but Gerard responded eagerly, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her into their lap. After a moment, they pulled away, both breathless and smiling. "Feeling better?" (y/n) asked, grinning. "Definitely," Gerard replied, his eyes sparkling in a way that made (y/n)s heart skip a beat. (Y/n) grinned back at them. "Good. Now, what do you say we go find the rest of the band and have dinner?” Gerard nodded, still grinning. "Sounds perfect to me." 

The whole band walked through the streets, looking for some place to have dinner. They were all talking and laughing about the gig they’d just played. No one seemed to dare mention the fight afterwards, all of them talking around it like the elephant in the room. Until Frank decided not to. “I mean, it’s a shame you got your ass kicked, Gee. It really is. But I must say, I didn’t think you had it in you to throw a swing first like that.” The sentence piqued (y/n)s interest. Gerard had thrown the first swing. It didn’t quite make sense to her. Why would they do that? She decided not to take part in the conversation and instead turned to Ray to compliment him on the solos he’d played on stage. Ray always played amazing solos, and she made sure to tell him every single night. The two of them soon got lost in a conversation and she didn’t manage to hear the rest of what’d played out before the fight backstage.

After searching the streets for way too long they eventually stumbled upon a small bar with a neon sign that read "Food & Drinks". The place looked a little dingy, but the smell of cooking food wafting out of the kitchen window was enough to make their stomachs growl. The group walked in and took a table in the corner. They ordered drinks and food, chatting and laughing the whole time. Once they were all settled with food, they ordered a round of shots to celebrate the successful gig. The group lifted their glasses and cheered to the future of the band. Gerard was particularly excited and kept making jokes and laughing loudly. (Y/n) couldn't help but feel a warm, fuzzy feeling in their chest at seeing Gerard so happy, despite the situation backstage. As they sat there, the conversation focused in on the gig they just played. Frank started talking about how the crowd was electric and how their energy had been absolutely crazy. Ray chimed in, saying that it was the best they'd ever played as a band. Mikey agreed, nodding his head in enthusiasm. (Y/n) listened to them talk, a feeling of pride swelling in her chest. She hadn’t played with them for that long, just since before they started recording the second album, but she treasured every moment of it.

As the night wore on, the drinks started flowing a little more freely. The group got louder and rowdier, shouting and singing along to the music playing over the speakers. After a few more rounds of shots, Gerard was starting to get noticeably drunk, and seemed to have lost their good spirit. The alcohol had strengthened the despair they felt, rather than making them forget it. They kept swaying in their seat and slurring their words. (Y/n) was worried about them, but they insisted they were fine. They talked for a while longer, about everything and nothing at all. The rest of them laughed and joked around, enjoying each other's company. Gerard stumbled a bit as he got up from his seat to go to the bar, and (y/n) caught them before they fell. She looked at the rest of the band, who were all smiling and chuckling at Gerard's drunken antics, also too drunk to notice how sad Gerard seemed. "Come on, Gerard," (y/n) said, wrapping her arm around their waist to steady them. "Let's get you back to the hotel." Gerard leaned their head against her shoulder, their eyes half-closed. "Okay," they said with a soft voice. They said their goodbyes to the rest of the band that had decided to stay a bit longer, and made their way into the night.

As (y/n) and Gerard stumbled out of the bar and into the cool night air, (y/n) wrapped her arm tightly around Gerard's waist, trying to steady them as they walked. Gerard leaned heavily on her, their steps unsteady and their words slurred. "Thanks for taking care of me," Gerard said, their voice almost too quiet for (y/n) to make out. "Of course," (y/n) replied, her voice gentle. "I'm always here for you, Gee.” As they walked, the night grew quiet around them. The only sounds were their footsteps against the pavement and the occasional car passing by. They walked in silence for a few more minutes until (y/n) spoke up. "You seem awfully quiet, what’s on your mind?” she asked, her voice soft. Gerard was lost in thought, their mind consumed by worries about what Ethan had said. Gerard didn't want to burden (y/n) with their worries, but they just couldn't shake the feeling that she was too good for them. They shook their head, trying to clear the thoughts that was bringing them down. "It's nothing," they said finally. "Just thinking."

They arrived at the hotel, and (y/n) helped Gerard up the stairs and to his room. They stood outside Gerards door for a moment, both of them silent. "Thanks for tonight," Gerard said finally, their voice somber and with a bittersweet smile. "Anytime," (y/n) replied, smiling at them sweetly. Gerard was still lost in thought, mind consumed by doubts and fears. But then (y/n) spoke again, her voice warm. "You know, you're really quite handsome, even with a split lip," she said. Gerard smiled, feeling a warmth spreading through their chest. ”Handsome enough for you to come inside with me?” they said with a playful wink, regaining some composure and hope. (Y/n) didn’t say anything, she just leaned in and kissed Gerard softly on the lips. The kiss so was gentle at first, but quickly grew more passionate, both of them lost in the moment. Gerards lips were soft and warm against hers, and she could taste the alcohol on their tongue. Their arms wrapped around her waist, pulling her close as they kissed. (Y/n) could feel the heat of their body against hers, and it made her feel alive. Their tongues danced together, the passion between them building with each passing moment. (Y/n) could feel her heart racing in her chest as Gerard's hand moved up to cup her cheek, deepening the kiss even further. She ran her fingers through their hair, feeling the soft strands slip through her fingers. The kiss was intoxicating, and (y/n) found herself lost in the moment. She pulled Gerard closer, as if closer was a thing to be possible, and for a few brief moments, all of Gerard's worries faded away, replaced by the warmth of (y/n)'s touch. They stood close together, foreheads pressed against each others while they tried to catch their breath. “Okay. Let’s get inside” (y/n) demanded, eyes dark with desire.

As soon as the door closed behind them, Gerards hands were all over (y/n)s body. They quickly pulled her jacket and t-shirt off, then stopping for just a moment to admire the sight. ”God, you’re so fucking gorgeous (y/n)” they said, panting, before closing the space between them again. They stumbled their way over to the bed and fell onto it, without ever breaking apart. Gerards coat and t-shirt got lost somewhere on the way. (Y/n) quickly got on top of Gerard and pinned their hands down on the bed over their head. They looked up at her, pupils blown wide with desire. 

She watched as his eyes tried to take in every inch of her naked skin, in slight disbelief. Gerard leaned up and kissed (y/n), pouring out everything they were feeling into the kiss. She let them keep that up for a moment before pushing them back down into the bed. Once they were flat on their back, (y/n) leaned in to kiss their neck. Gerard moaned softly as she sucked on a particularly sensitive spot on their neck and rolled her hips against theirs. ”Oh god (y/n). Please, more. That feels so good” they whined, barely keeping their thoughts straight. (Y/n) smiled down at them gently before pressing her lips down towards their chest. She licked each nipple, then took one into her mouth, sucking hard. Gerard let out a breathy moan and arched their back, gripping at the sheets around them. They were already hard from her working them over, but this made it so much hard to be patient. She pulled away and moved her free hand down their body. She rubbed their cock through their jeans at a agonisingly slow pace.

Gerard groaned as their hips bucked and their stomach tightened, straining against the fabric of their pants. (Y/n) smiled down at them, then turned her attention back to their cock. She slowly unbuttoned their pants, pulling them down to their ankles before tossing them aside along with the boxers underneath. She ran her fingers up and down their length, watching it twitch when she brushed across its sensitive tip. It throbbed and grew even harder under her touch. She looked down at Gerard, kissing their chest as she continued to stroke their cock. Gerard was breathing heavily, trying to get their hands free so that they could touch her.

”Please (y/n), I need to touch you. Please” Gerard begged her, their voice desperate. Her breath caught in her throat and she stopped stroking them, instead leaning down to kiss their lips softly, her tongue slipping between their lips with ease. They moaned deeply, trying to reach up to get more of her. She pulled away and stood up. Gerard eyes followed her as she unbuckled her belt and slid it through the loops of her jeans. Gerard's eyes widened as they watched her pull the zipper down, revealing her panties. She slid those down over her thighs along with the jeans. Gerard craned their neck, watching her strip. Their cock twitched and swelled even further under her stare. (Y/n) bit her lip, letting a satisfied smirk cross her face as she stepped out of her jeans and underwear. She kicked them away before standing in front of Gerard, naked.

She grinned down at Gerard as she dropped to her knees on the bed before them. They looked at her with wide, desperate eyes as (y/n) bent down towards their hard cock. She wrapped her hand around it and gave it a few slow strokes. Gerard groaned deeply, moving their hips up and down slightly in attempt to get more out of her touch. She smirked down at them, taking their cock into her mouth. (Y/n) sucked on it roughly, bobbing her head up and down. ”Fucking god. (Y/n), please. More.” They didn’t even know what they were begging for, they just knew that they wanted whatever she would give them. (Y/n) gave them a few more strokes before she pulled back up, looking up at Gerard with a devilish grin on her face. She licked her lips before leaning down again. She took their cock in until the tip hit her throat, then let go of it. Gerard cried out loudly as she worked up and down his shaft, her tongue sliding along the underside of their cock with every move. She looked up at Gerard, who had a look of pure ecstasy on his face.

She looked up to see their eyes meeting her own, their pupils blown wide open. They held her gaze as she sucked their dick, making sure to keep eye contact. Gerard was shaking on the bed, their hips jerking up and down, trying to get more from her. She hummed gently into their cock, their hips bucking as she bobbed her head faster. ”(Y/n), please. If you keep this up I’m not going to last” they gasped, trying to keep their hips still. She grinned mischievously and pulled off. Gerard groaned as (y/n) climbed back up, straddling them. She ran her hands down his chest and stomach, then leaned in to kiss them passionately. ”Are you ready?” she whispered in Gerards ear while positioning herself over their cock. They nodded quickly, with eyes screaming of desperation. She smiled down at them and lowered herself down. She moaned as she felt their cock slide deep inside her, stretching her tightness. She threw her head back and moaned loudly, and Gerard could’ve sworn they’d never heard a more beautiful sound in their life.

(Y/n) ground their hips against Gerard, then leaned forward as she began to bounce up and down. She looked down at Gerard, watching their expression. They were so beautiful. Their rosy cheeks, desperate eyes and mouth slightly agape. Gerard put their hands on her hips, helping her up and down their shaft. They closed their eyes, biting their lip to keep from crying out. The pressure was building, their body tensing up as their climax was rapidly approaching. (Y/n) knew exactly what they were feeling and slowed down to keep them right there on the edge. Gerard's grip tightened on her hips, but then immediately they let go, as if afraid they'd lose control and hurt her. But she just laughed and rocked her hips faster, causing them to let out a loud cry. (Y/n) rode them out, slow and steady, until Gerard couldn't take it anymore. He bucked up into her as she came down onto him, their bodies exploding together. (Y/n) threw her head back as the waves of her orgasm crashed through her. Her body relaxed as she came back down to earth, but Gerard was still trembling underneath her. (Y/n) slid off of them, just taking a moment to lay beside them in bed. But she knew she had to leave.

After just a moment she sat up, while Gerard laid still in bed. She looked for her clothes. Clothes that made a trail from the door to the bed. She sighed and reached for her panties to put them on before going after the rest of the clothes. Carefully she stood up, legs a little wobbly both from alcohol and sex. After collecting the rest of her clothes she sat down on the edge off the bed again, starting to put on her t-shirt. That’s when she felt Gerards hand on her hip. She turned to look at them and was surprised to see them look sad again, like the earlier effect of the alcohol had doubled down on them. In combination with the bandaged cuts and bruises they really looked miserable. 

She leaned over and caressed Gerards cheek. It didn’t count to the ordinary, but this wasn’t an ordinary situation either. “What’s wrong Gee?” She asked carefully, not quite knowing what to expect to hear. “Do you really have to go (y/n)?” Gerard asked with a small voice. She looked at them, perplexed. “No. Not really” she said, confused. “Do you want me to stay with you?” she then asked, just to clarify to herself that she’d understood Gerard correctly. They smiled a melancholic smile and nodded. (Y/n) didn’t quite know how to handle this new situation. Sure, she’d seen Gerard sad before, but not in a situation like this. But if they really wanted her to stay, then of course she’d stay. She took off her shirt again and got back under the blanket. Carefully she took Gerard into her arms. They crawled close and rested their head on her chest while she softly stroked their hair. “What’s the matter honey?” she asked softly, daring a term of endearment. “I just want you to stay. I always want you to stay afterwards” Gerard murmured into her chest. She kissed their black mop of hair softly. “You could’ve just told me”. Gerard sighed deeply. “I didn’t know how. I didn’t want to make things weird between us, if you didn’t feel the same” they explained after a moment of silence. They looked up at her, half expecting a negative reaction, aversion. Instead they saw (y/n) smiling down at them. “I’ve always wanted to stay, Gee. I just didn’t know how to tell you” she said, echoing their words back to them. They just looked at each other for a moment before Gerards face broke up into a smile. “Really?” they asked, not quite believing what they were hearing. She smiled back at them. “Really, Gee. I promise.”

Gerard kissed her softly. Not like they usually kissed. Not with the fever or hunger that she was used to. This was something else, something sweet and almost shy, like the kiss they’d shared when she’d taken care of Gerard after the fight. “I really adore you, you know. I’ve always adored you, and the whole situation with Ethan just made me so jealous. I just have to let you know how I feel, even if you don’t feel the same” Gerard whispered softly in her ear. It made her heart skip a beat, those were the words she had waited for for so long. She looked at them, slowly putting the puzzle pieces together. “Was that why you got into that fight with him before?” she asked, carefully. Gerard nodded slightly. “Yeah, he said some really idiotic things about you. About us too, I guess” they confessed. (Y/n) looked at Gerard, slightly confused. ”He said that I’m ruining you and that you’re too good for me. And I guess he’s right. You are too good for me. Too good to be true” Gerard mumbled, a lonesome tear rolling down their cheek. (Y/n) wiped the tear off their face. ”Oh, sweetheart. Don’t cry. It’s okay, everything’s okay” she whispered softly in Gerards ear. They looked up at (y/n), at her soft, sweet smile. More tears started coming, their bottom lip trembling. She pulled them closer and held them tight. ”Gee, honey, there’s no place I’d rather be, no one I’d rather be and no one I’d rather be with than you” she whispered calmingly while drying off more tears. She kissed their forehead, over and over again, until the tears seemed to have stop. “You are my sunshine, my only sunshine” she sang softly while wiping away their tears. “You make me happy, when skies are gray” she continued, whispering in their ear. Gerard looked up at her with big eyes. “You'll never know, dear, how much I love you. Please don't take my sunshine away.”

Gerard snuggled up closer to (y/n), enjoying the warmth and comfort of her embrace. They breathed in sync, feeling the rise and fall of each other's chest. (Y/n) softly stroked Gerard's hair, running her fingers through the messy locks. They lay like that for a while, just basking in the afterglow of their intimate moment. (Y/n) could feel the tension in Gerard's body slowly dissipating, as they relaxed more and more into her arms. Eventually, (y/n) spoke up, breaking the peaceful silence between them. "I'm going to get you a glass of water, okay?" she whispered. Gerard groaned slightly, not wanting to move ever again. "Do I have to?" they mumbled, burying their face into (y/n)'s neck. (Y/n) chuckled softly. "Yes, you do. You'll get a headache otherwise, and we don't want that, do we?" Gerard sighed and reluctantly untangled themselves from (y/n)'s embrace. They sat up and watched as (y/n) got out of bed, stretching her limbs before padding over to the kitchenette to get a glass of water. As (y/n) came back to bed, Gerard sat up and took the glass from her, taking a few sips before setting it down on the nightstand. They snuggled back up to (y/n), sighing contentedly as they rested their head on her chest once more.

They lay there for a while longer, talking softly about everything and nothing in particular. Eventually, exhaustion caught up with them, and they drifted off to sleep in each other's arms, for the first time ever.

Thank you for reading! And applauds if you made it to the end. I hope you enjoyed whatever this was, and if you ever want to send me a request, my inbox is always open!

[moaserendipity]

My Top 10 BL's of 2023

I am back with my personal top 10 of 2023. I know I've been super quiet these days but making a top 10 is always fun to do. The #1 has been decided early this past year but for the rest... It was a crazy year for BL but only a few were really top tier...🔥🔥

10. My Personal Weatherman (Taikan Yoho)

One of the Japanese BL's I really enjoyed watching. It was more grown up then the ones I've seen and that was very welcome. I love the dynamics between the main characters a lot. It was a bit of a slow one, with the lack in communication between the two but I forgive that because the chemistry was really good.

09. Wedding Plan

Oh how i looked forward to this one, the second I saw the trailer. I loved the storyline but I thought it was very short, which made them rush through it at times, which was a shame because it was actually really good and I just wanted to see more. I loved the chemistry between Sailom and Namnuea, So I really enjoyed watching them. They are very new if I'm correct but I didn't notice it at all, so hopefully they will get another BL together but a longer one. Also I love the GL in this BL, it was very natural and I in the end hoped they would be the ones that got to marry. Not to forget about the cameo;s of my babies Payu and Rain and of course Prapai and Sky.

08. Moonlight Chicken

This one I've waited for so so long and it was kind of a surprise because I love EarthMix, Like Mix is my man but my attention got taken away from them and got attached to GemFourth who played Li Ming and Heart. I just loved everything about them! I loved how they incorporated Sign language because Heart was deaf and just the overall chemistry between them, was everything. They made me smile so much. Jim and Wen, you know were amazing as well but I sometimes felt frustrated by their interaction. The close moments they had were amazing of course but it was not what I expected from EarthMix but overall this drama was definitely worth the wait!

07. Kiseki: Dear to Me

I absolutely loved this one. I couldn't get enough of it. I am a sucker for the Hate to Love trope and this had exactly that and in a gangster way. Like I loved it. ZeRui and Bangyi were made for each other and you can't tell me otherwise how he went to prison for ZeRui and even got hurt but he still decided to dedicate his bakery to him with his Strawberry cakes, ugh too cute. The second couple made me want even more. The sassiness of Ai Di and the coldness of Chen Yi, they were really something. The way Chen Yi didn't realize that Ai Di loved him until he went to prison or that one hot night made me slap my forehead because nothing was more obvious, so I can not explain how happy I was they finally got together in the end!!

06. My School President

This really was a GemFourth year because this was their first leading BL and boy how they won us over with their cuteness. The OST was also seriously top tier. I think I loved all the songs. This entire Cast was amazing! To think I almost skipped this one...That would've been a mistake for sure, so I'm happy that I decided to give it another try because I fell in love with them and bingewatched it in one go. I can't wait to see the next project from them.!

5. Our Dating Sim

this Korean BL was a welcome one. I loved the office setting of this BL and the fact that the episodes were short as usual, didn't disturb me that much. Their chemistry made up for that! I will never forget how my heart sank when Ki Tae thought Wan had disappeared again, this poor man but I loved how Wan immediately comforted him the second he saw him. I should really rewatch this again.

4. Last Twilight

I know it's still running but I can not leave it out of my top10 for 2023. I am impressed with Jimmy and Sea. These two are everything to me at this moment. Their chemistry is crazy and I am happy they have this BL to show their talents again. I am impatiently waiting every week for the next episode and so far no episode has disappointed me, which is rare tbh.

3. Sing my Crush

Sing my crush was not even on my radar but the second I came across it, I bingewatched it. I am a sucker for music BL's, where the actors can ACTUALLY sing and play instruments.. I loved it so much. from start to finish. I really think this BL was very underrated. I did not hear a lot of people about it but it definitely deserves more!

2. I feel you linger in the Air

Ever since I saw the trailer, I wanted to see this one badly and boy did it not disappoint! I was in awe every episode. I don't think I've ever seen a Thai Bl that was staged in the past. Also this way of time traveling is one I actually like. As long as no bodies get switched I am loving it. Their chemistry was top notch and those intimate scenes. That kiss in the rain, Art I am telling you and that massage scene, HELLO!! I literally forgot to breathe at that point and my face was almost stuck to the screen, crazy!! So yeah this was a true masterpiece!

01. The Eighth Sense

Let's all act surprised by this one...... what can I say? This one touched my intire being. It touched my soul, My heart everything. I cried, laughed and even cursed at 2 people in particular.. This is the biggest masterpiece of 2023 and nothing can change my mind about this. The way I anticipated every week and felt sad when it ended, ugh!! I just want to praise Oh Jun Taek for the way he acted, because if I'm correct this was his first acting job or at least he is very new but he pulled it of perfectly and Ji sub, I am applauding him for the way he portrayed Jae Won. All I need now is a season 2 or an special episode where we see them do the things Jihyun wanted... like just please!! In al seriousness everything was amazing about this one and that's why it's my number 1

I really do think that the Korean BL's won this round. I feel like they are finally stepping up their game. It's still not as Explicit as Thai or Taiwanese but that's not what I am expecting. I don't always have to have NC scenes because without a story, it's not worth a lot. Overal the Bl's were powerful this year and Top tier. Hopefully next year will bring us even better ones!! <3

[moonlightsapphic]

Y'all, I find the reception of XO, Kitty so dissapointing.

TL; DR: The underlying homophobia/biphobia/lesbophobia/misoginy towards Yuri as potential and viable endgame which I don't think would have happened if she were yet another hot guy.

The straight-baiting marketing of this show was absolutely genius and I loved that Jenny Han, who writes the straightest central romances to ever romance (To All the Boys I've Loved Before, The Summer I Turned Pretty), actually initiated a series with such visibly queer storylines and then literally jumped into this sort-of-interracial, sapphic romance centered around a bi+ character. I could see Han trying to be more inclusive in her past on-screen works, but this was incredible.

No you don't understand. There was this point midway through the show where I thought I was in a fever dream and watching wishful fanmade content because I couldn't believe an IRL Netflix show could actually give us this. My mind was blown.

So you'll understand that I was fully bamboozled to see that social media is swamped with Min-ho fangirls pretending like Yuri doesn't even exist. I love Min-ho too, but am I the only one who also saw so many signs that point to a future Yuri x Kitty?

First, for the narrative satisfaction of their moms being best friends in the past!

... and to complete Kitty's coming of age! Kitty, growing up in the cisheteronormative Song-Covey household, made the oversight of initially operating under the assumption that she exclusively likes boys and that she has mastered the art of relationships. That's already been debunked partway by her breakup with her first boyfriend who was supposed to be endgame, and is only going to be sealed further if she ends up with a girl in a long-term relationship. (And no, of course she doesn't have to "end up" with a girl for her queer identity to be valid, but I think it just makes the most narrative sense to have that unfold in the story as her worldview alters.)

Here I present to you: my pet peeves in the XO, Kitty fandom

hyping up parallels between Peter x LJ and Minho x Kitty scenes claiming that this means Minho x Kitty may be endgame. They literally have to reach and dig for those because the most parallels are between Peter x LJ and Yuri x Kitty, right from the scene that they bumped into each other! Kitty has also shown zero romantic interest in Minho so far, as opposed to her very keen interest in Yuri.

People finally addressing the elephant in the room like "Ugh, Yuri is probably going to be endgame. 🙄 I want Minho instead!!" like it's such a disappointing or borderline gross outcome. Yuri is a much more intense enemies-to-lovers character than Minho. She is beautiful, kind, and fun with a little bit of bite, everything that Minho is plus Kitty is falling for her hard.

Being real here—If you think Yuri is a boring love interest or kind of a b*tch while Minho is simply a fun old enemies-to-lovers character, I am begging you to check your biases. You, a straight woman, may only see hostile fictional women as competitiion and hostile fictional men as ... well, kinda hot. However, Kitty is bi+ and she could see them both as viable romantic interests, equally. Yes, Yuri has done more malicious things than Minho, but then again she has had a harder time this academic year than Minho. You are obviously still allowed to like Minho better, as long as you're not dismissing the struggles of and flattening a strong female character. Misoginy and homophobia make an ugly combo, y'all. Trust me, you don't want any part in that.

(Additional unpopular opinion: I'm going to get crucified for this but I genuinely think Kitty is too boring for Minho in the same way that Dae was too boring for Kitty. He seems to be into her only from the Halo Effect. Minho is my child and I squeal whenever he's on screen and I hope to see him finding someone actually fun!)

Saying that Kitty’s crush on Yuri was just a token plot point with no real basis or depth. While there is some unrealistic family drama in the show, it's all still credible. Fiction is supposed to bring in imaginative elements and try to keep things grounded. Regardless, I'm never going to be the person who says that a wild and shocking bi- or gay-awakening is unrealistic. As a queer person, let me tell you that it is just as wild and confusinh for us IRL.

Besides, many cishet people actually do not care if (or is hateful when) the MC is bi, that I doubt how much it “helps” with marketing. (That's why queerbaiting exists, folks.) Also, have you seen Kitty in TATBILB? That's a bi preteen right there if I've ever seen one.

"Stop trying to invalidate other people's ships!" I will say this once: I don't care if you ship Kitty with Min-ho, or Dae, or anyone else that's not Yuri. I DON'T CARE! Frankly, good for you because straight ships have better luck out there anyway, ya know? I am simply begging you to not reduce a queer person's nuanced concerns about dismissal of sapphic fictional characters to petty fandom arguments. Read the room, guys. Please.

This is such a crucial show to many of us. I just want y'all to understand that this is just a little bigger than your celebrity crush on a hot guy whose character you're rooting for. We never, ever get contemporary slice-of-life romcom sapphic rep (and Netflix is notorious for cancelling sapphic shows, too). Please don't be dismissive of a perfectly good possible ending! We want to give Netflix every reason to renew this show, and give Han every reason to allow Kitty to flourish just the way she plans to! (This is me begging y'all to not influence the writers into swerving last-minute towards a sloppy Minho endgame, though I do trust her better than that.)

I hope that Netflix renews the show, even if it's through the excitement of straight people in denial LMAO. And then I hope it treats us with a glorious sapphic ending.*

*(Aaaand I can already imagine the cishet women in the audience complaining online about what a terrible person Kitty is for leading Min-ho on and then dumping him, and how she and Yuri are both awful and totally deserve each other. Music to my ears.)

[snickerdoodlles]

For the author ask thing L and M? ❤️

ooohh choosing violence i see, i approve 😂❤

L. favourite fic of yours?

gonna throw you a curveball here. while i love the question choices, i also don't want to tag someone with a post that's gushing about their story and then in the same breath talk about something i don't like. so! as you all know, i've been into KimChay for A Hot Min, so let's take a min to gush over one of my favorite lil fics that's been around since the beginning of the BOC airing:

reverence is a little collection of KimChay vignettes. it's what i would consider 'old' KimChay fandom because it has a lot of influence from the Filmania kp trailer and novel versions of them, but it still largely reads as Kim and Chay and everything's little snapshots that can be as connected or unconnected as you want to read them (ft the occasional AU chucked in for flavoring). i really like vignettes so it's very happy days for me whenever i feel like dipping my toes back into this fic for a reread 🤗

M. least favourite fic of yours?

i'm not gonna trash talk anyone's fic here, something that's not for me can just be not read by me, and that's that. so! instead i'm gonna call this the continuation of the Kim tea ask, because there was one important take i completely forgot about when answering that question lol:

☕ fic that shit talks WDYS

this includes: every damn fic that had some variation of Chay saying "YOU WERE THE ONE THAT LEFT". tell me you didn't pay attention to the lyrics without telling me you didn't pay attention to the lyrics. Jeff did not pour his blood sweat tears and more into that song for y'all to dismiss it like this. BOC did not completely rework Kim's storyline to include music so that he sung this to Chay as an apology for this. also, similar weird take that goes hand-in-hand with the dismissals: Kim did not """"steal Chay's song"""" -- WDYS is the song they literally worked on together. Kim is helping Chay write it on screen. Kim finishing it as an apology to Chay to explain Why He's Like This is a really good step towards a reconciliation between the two of them actually.

i just. aurgh. it's a fantastic song that is basically the thesis statement of kinnporsche: the series, for all three pairings, and it's just really annoying to see yet another fic ignore all of that to play off the one english line for a cheap shot at Kim. ik a decent chunk of my irritation here is the number of stories vs any story specifically, and it's not like there's ever a limit on how many times a concept will be used, but. ugh. i do not care for it At All.

[fic author asks]

[kmze]

Thoughts on 3x01-3x11, lol I WROTE SO MUCH but this season (especially this half) has so much happening it's kind of impossible to not have a lot of thoughts. This is also where the show starts to embrace being more comedic (like this show is really a dark comedy at it's heart) so that helps. More characters being involved in the supernatural business also helps and up-powering Tyler is great for the plot IMO. I don't think Klaus was as strong of a villian as Katherine was last season (he is so whiny in the first half) but he started to get a little more interesting after he came back, maybe he just needed his hybrid minions to become more interesting. More below, I even broke it up in episode order!

3x01

Isn’t Elena’s birthday in June? She said Ric spent half the summer on the couch but that would mean it’s gotta be late July early August, right? (don't know why I'm even trying to make sense of this show's timeline)

I forgot that A Drop in the Ocean was played during a montage and included Forwood sexy time! What a moment. When I first watched the show the Stefan and Elena scene at the end is when I actually started shipping Stelena, it was the first time I really felt like they truly loved each other (song helped too because WHAT A SONG I always sing-a-long). I didn't feel that same buzz this time though, but maybe too much time as passed (and that damn scene in 6x02 saying this was when Elena fell in love with Damon takes a lot away from my old feels). I'm getting such a buzz from Forwood though!

3x02

Elena’s getting on my damn nerves with this stupid rescue mission in the woods during a full moon… I don’t understand how Ric and Damon agreed. I fail to see any reason for this nonsense plan.

3x03

The moment in the 20s flashbacks when Stefan is looking at Rebekah while Klaus is talking to him and then he turns and looks at Klaus with the biggest heart eyes I have ever seen him use how am I supposed to not ship it? The way they keep using "brother" to hide the extremely heavy gay subtext too I S2G. If this show was made 10 years later on a better network with better writers that subtext would be straight-up text! Think Louis and Lestat on AMC's Interview with the Vampire. In that just world I would have gotten canon Klefaroline dammit!

3x04

Caroline is a much better person than I because she's protecting her Dad meanwhile I'm counting down the episodes until he drops dead.

Stefan is really off his game (happens when he's too emotional about something) I cannot believe he got out-manipulated by Rebekah one of the most easily manipulated characters on this show. Pathetic really.

As soon as Beremy started being cute the writers start fucking it up for Bonnie. Makes me madder watching it all over again and how much they never give Bonnie the devoted love interests like Caro and Elena. And I like Jeremy and Anna but I’m so annoyed at this whole storyline in how it’s treating Bonnie I can’t even enjoy it. GFY Julie.

3x05

Completely forgot Bill Forbes taught himself how to resist compulsion (IDK why too it's a big plot point oops) and I can't believe none of these idiots bothered to learn how. I like to believe Caroline did and there's a class at the Salvatore Boarding School that teaches it.

The gym buzzer countdown was a nice touch lol.

3x06

I like that Rebekah narrowed in on Caroline and was like “you, I want your life” because she sees the vision and the potential! In all seriousness though I wonder if Rebekah having an interest in Caroline is why the writers picked Caroline to be the love interest for Klaus (since it parallels with them and Stefan in the '20s). Things that make me go hmmm.

I'm with Ric and Caroline, every time I see or hear about Damon and Elena I was to scream "stop molesting her!" UGH! He is always invading her personal space and it annoys me! The part where Elena said Damon needed to use his charm to distract Rebekah and Ric said "better luck finding a dagger" and you see Caro in the background laughing was the best.

Kinda happy to get a break from Klaus for a few episodes, he's just so one-dimensional during this time period and frankly annoying.

3x06 made me laugh so much even though I'm not sure I was supposed to laugh as much as I did. I mean Ripper Stefan is never not funny (a jerk but a hilarious jerk) but the scene were Ripper Stefan and 1,000 year old Rebekah are sitting in Ric's HIGH SCHOOL HISTORY CLASS just kills me, like what even is this show. Also laughed at Tyler being a "d-bag" baby hybrid, and you knew he was sired as soon as he didn't want to help lock up Stefan. HA!

Um, how did Rebekah get into the Lockwood mansion?

3x07

How did Lexi make Stefan think he’d been bleeding out for years? Is that a vampire power they just never used again or is it a special ghost power? I don’t remember this ever happening again.

Caroline fighting the ghost-vamps in her ballet flats lol the cutest!

3x08

Elena dealt with Ripper Stefan for like an hour and was like "absolutely not, Damon you do it" LMFAO which reminded me of the gifset that made everyone mad.

The Defan convo in 3x08 about Stefan always saving Damon for the bajillionith time even without humanity reminds of the convo in Damon’s head in 8x10 a little. This is a good season for them if I remember correctly, obviously I always enjoy them more when their causes of contention aren’t solely about Elena.

Elena making the Beremy breakup about herself, she really does have a gift. Even Bonnie was like really?

Bonnie ignoring Jeremy and giving him a death glare 1000% BB you deserve better you brought his ass back to life and lost tons of witchy power doing so he deserves to feel like shit!

3x09

Oh this is the first time Tyler and Caroline get into it about not including each other in schemes. This is kind of always a cause of conflict in their relationship but it’s a good cause of conflict because it makes sense. Tyler has a pack mentality (werewolf/hybrid) whereas Caroline is more independently driven (vampire). Like Caro said so much supernatural boyfriend drama.

Elena stabbing Rebekah in the back with the dagger is one of her best moments (even if I RME at her “I care too much” moment after).

3x10

Elena giving Tyler shit for being sired to Klaus (something he has no control over) is pretty funny considering what happens to her next season... insert well-well-well-how-the-turntables.gif.

3x11

Stefan’s spin decapitation of one of Klaus’ hybrids in front of him is so extra, I love it.

The symbolism of Elena “crowning” Caroline is not lost on me. Neither is Klaus forcing his way into Caroline’s house through the doorway.

Yeah the Wickery bridge scene was rough, no one knows how to psychologically torture/traumatize people quite like Stefan does.

Lines that made me laugh:

Bonnie: You think you're bored? My dads family is like wet paint that never dries. (oh I’m saving that one!)

Stefan: You’re into Tyler now, huh? That’s kind of fickle. (He's the worst but the comedic timing is *chef's kiss*)

Stefan: We should all listen to Elena, right? I mean, her plans always work out so well, don't they? (I’m saying! Damon agreed too LMFAO)

[slytherinshua]

HELLO!!!!

so ive been dead for a couple weeks (okay im sorry but school is kicking my ass)

BUTTTT IM BACK!!!!

And SO ARE YOU!!!

zanna pls the hao fic 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

idk whether to cry or kick my feet bc wTFFFF

how are you so g o o d (you obviously worked super hard and thats so cool of you)

ALSO

CINEMA PARADISE AND 19.99 CB!!!!!!

okay so i heard good so bad right? amazing song. 10/10 and thEn i watched the mcountdown kill the romeo performance and immediately went wHOA because why did that song hIT SO HARD LIKE?!?!??! Cinema paradise is such a ricky era (to me) bc his aura was off the roof he was so super noticable (even though he was worried bc of the hair dyeing :( he still stood out so much!) Also hao was so super good zb1 keeps getting better!!

OKAY NOW LISTEN

IM NOT THE BIGGEST ONEDOOR AROUND HERE OKAY BUT IVE LISTENED TO THEIR ENTIRE DISCOGRAPHY AND WATCHED ALL THEIR PERSONAL CONTENT AND CAN I JUST SAY DANGEROUS AND NICE GUY ARE SO GOOD LIKE BND NEVER MISSES WHAT THE HECK

Taesans line in dangerous had me actually pulling out my earphones bc wtf why was that so good i was h o o k e d the secomd that song started and then nice guy was just also really good like?!?!?!? H O W do you slay that hard like whoa

ANYWAY HI ZANNA I MISSED YOUUUUUU

im glad you're out of your mini slump!!! (i have so many ideas and i want to write but i have no t i m e!!! i dont like school 😐)

-🌱 (bc you said youd miss this <3)

im sorry i rambled on a bit but yeah !!!

HI HAFS OMG!!!! omg it has been a while but dw i understand :((( school is out to get us all istg im so tired and its only the beginning of the year... AND LIKE I THOUGHT I WAS GOING CRAZY W THAT WRITERS BLOCK HOLY SHIT LIKE I COULD NOT FUNCTION WITHOUT MY DELUSIONS BEING MY ESCAPE 😭😭😭😭😭😭

BUT AAAA IM GLAD U LIKED IT <333333 thank you ☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️ ugh i remember like before i even properly stanned zb1 i was thinking about which members would fit studio ghibli boys and let me see if i can remember all the pairings.... honestly i think these ranged from most accurate (first 4-5) to zanna is running out of ghibli boys to assign

zhang hao as seiji

i think i had taerae as tombo back then but now i feel like it fits gyuvin more :((

NOW RICKY AS HOWL CAUSE WHO ELSE WOULD HE BE

and yujin as sho!!! cause look theyre literally the same skdfjksd could 100% see yujin in an arrietty storyline to me hes just the embodiment of teen youth like coming of age stories rly fit him so well

gunwook as pazu bcuz i have to satisfy my childhood crush and my current crush (also they look the same fight me)

honestly jiwoong as jiro???

taerae as asbel now (literally i don't remember anything about asbel but they look kinda similar so we're going w it)

hanbin as ashitaka bcuz i just think theyre both hot like that 🤕🤕🤕

which leaves matthew as sosuke cause i haven't watched the boy and the heron yet so idk whether that might fit better but yeah... BUT TELL ME WHY THEY KINDA HAVE SIMILAR VIBES ANYWAY SO??

now can we also appreciate how i tried to match the pics as close as i could thank you thank you anyway enough abt zb1 and ghibli boys

YES CINEMA PARADISE WAS SO GOOD!!! good so bad literally their best title track to date AND SAME W BND. i think nice guy is their best to date and ive seen a lot of ppl who like dangerous more than nice guy which is valid i also love dangerous BUT IMO NICE GUY IS PERFECT AND BETTER THAN DANGEROUS???? 👹👹👹

ricky will always stand out no matter what !!!!! even tho his hair was plain it still drew attention to him like the contrast of black hair to his skin is crazy and he looks like a whole prince (when does he ever not) BUT OMG HAO IN THE MV WRECKED ME SOOOO HARD like i think good so bad mv is the reason why hao is #2 in zb1 ranking for me rn skdfjskdfs ALSO CAN WE TALK ABT PURPLE GUNWOOK CAUSE NO IM STILL NOT OVER PURPLE GUNWOOK even tho hes had it for a while now i still look at it and then die skdfjksdhfks

IF THERES ONE THING BONEDO WILL DO ITS RELEASE BANGERS EVERY TIME!!! i swear they always stay true to their sound and concept and i LOVE that about them. every song feels SO boynextdoor but at the same time they try different sounds and tell different stories with each song. i also just adore their storytelling in their mvs and songs its so good every time!!!! and im excited to see what they release next bcuz it seems theyre doing a youth concept now that theyre done their falling in love trilogy

awwww nooo i hope u find time soon 👹 it can be so hard to find time to write sometimes istg.... but you'll manage i believe in u !!! KSDJFKSD I DID MISS IT OMG

[mayakrish08]

Percy Jackson And The Olympians: The Series

Alright fellas, buckle up for the rant. I can’t believe it’s week 4 already and that we are 5 episodes in. I’m gonna start with the current episode. The story is slowly picking up pace, and BOY I loved this episode. The fact that this episode has the FIRST HUG and the FIRST SEAWEED BRAIN are good reasons for that. Another being the way Annabeth dealt with the situation, and how she admitted that Percy was better than her. It must have taken a lot. It’s been… what, a couple of days, and that guy is tilting her world from its axis. Being a self righteous daughter of Athena, and finding yourself with an impulsive guy like Percy? Ha. The most unlikeliest pair, but let’s not forget their parents, hmm? At least their kids don’t have the emotional range of a teaspoon. And I remember thinking that Percy has made Annabeth cry in a matter of few hours. ANNABETH and CRYING do no go in the same sentence that easily. I also remember thinking that Percy was sooo… Percy! “Where is our ride?” And “You think you know me, but you don’t” and ohh, the ultimate, “It’s… smelly.”

Ares was a douche, but I loved his aesthetic with the black leather jacket and the motorcycle. Felt like he jumped right outta the book.

But but, can we like talk about Grover? Ma Man SLAYED it! IS SLAYING IT actually! The way he dealt with Ares, holy gods!! RESPECT!! He was such a SMOOOOTH CRIMINAL! “Pottu vangardhu,” we say in Tamil. That’s exactly what he did with Ares - getting the information he needed from Ares, but in a way that satisfied Ares’ ego. Ah Grover is such a badass. “So, thank you for the emotional abuse and the cheeseburgers. We will take you up on the ride too.” DAAAAMMNNN DUUUDDEEEE!! Ah I feel in love with him right from the consensus song. {Muttering “Oh Golly, the road’s gettin’ bumpy}

Speaking of, that episode was really good too! I loved how Grover kept deflecting every question, how Percy kept questioning the hierarchy, and how Annabeth was constantly rolling her eyes at Percy, BUT they still didn’t give up on each other, and Grover snapped, and hey! They are finally bordering on the friend zone.

Ah, I wish current Percy and Annabeth could revisit their initial years. Or, I keep thinking, how would House of Hades be, with this cast? *Snort* Ironically, when I think about that, it feels like we are JUST five episodes in. It also makes me feel awed because… We may as well be watching these kids grow up! Like, sure, there will be PLENTY of new characters (Personally, after seeing Hephaestus, I can’t wait for Leo), but Percy and Annabeth are going to be constants, even more so than Grover! So, that means, we will be watching Leah and Walker grow, and we will have a chance of coming back to the first few episodes and coo at how small they are. Gosh, watching the cast interviews now makes me see the difference already!

There is one thing with this series: I keep forgetting the book! It feels like that, certainly! I mean, I don’t remember the Golden Throne thingy, nor did I remember the way Medusa was killed! While the scenes fit the series’ storyline, it is making me doubt my demigod-ness 😭 I also think Gabe is too… decent in this series. He is… MUCH worse in my head. Ugh.

All in all, I think they are doing a good job. At first, I was a bit skeptical, but after watching a certain review of a certain YTber I follow, my perspective changed for the better. Like, she is the perfect Demigod and Witch! Finally, someone I can totally relate to!! Check out her content!

Alright, I am gonna wrap up the rant for now. But I am planning on posting a review every Wednesday, because I NEED PEOPLE TO TALK TO ABOUT THIS DAMMIT!!

[wikiangela]

himyf 2x11 - episode thoughts:

Val's whole engagement thing is so funny 😂 I can't wait to see how it unfolds haha

and Sid's going to see Hannah! I hope we see her, I miss her

this is so fucking weird and awkward, and I've never been this invested in Sophie's storyline 😂 I'm loving it 😂

okay, Ellen and Charlie's commentary is amazing 😂😂

Sid and this lady bonding on the flight and talking about the difficulties of long distance relationships (which is reasonable and very understandable ofc) is making me worried, pls don't break up Sid and Hannah 😭

Sophie fucking jumped out of the window oh my god 😂 this is her best episode (and lowest point 😂)

HE'S HERE!!! and immediately hilarious, "recovering serial womanizer" speech is amazing 😂😂 this whole concept is so ridiculous it's almost too much (but not quite yet 😂)

okay, so the book has a love song for Sophie, I mean, it's not anything surprising really 💁🏻‍♀️😂

and Robert is not her dad - I didn't think he would be, because they wouldn't go there lmao but this whole thing was still hilarious 😂 😂

aw, actually Barney is the perfect person to talk to Sophie about her dad, they were kinda in a similar situation

awww Barney talking about his daughter 😍😍 this is cute

(tho he talks in a kind of weird almost robotic way wtf is happening)

Hannah's here!!! (what was that smile when the plane girl followed Sid??! I'm worried, I love Hannah so much, I don't want them to break up 😭)

that Robert thing was short lived and I'm glad 😂 I don't know how much longer I'd be able to stand those sideburns ugh

I think I'm lowkey interested in Sophie's quest to find her dad, I'm curious

so that's the episode - and I loved it, it was so good, maybe not the funniest, but it had its moments, and a lot of story progressed

this half of the season was good, so much better than s1, it had its ups and downs but it really feels like they found the show's footing by now, and it seems like it's getting better

I'm genuinely enjoying this show now 😂

[momobani]

FALL INTO YOUR EYES

If Your Winter Is Hard - Chapter 7A - 13.2k

medium!exorcist!jeonghan x exorcist!reader

SERIES MASTERLIST [series is medium!minghao x exorcist!reader but this chapter is from the POV of the reader’s sister, basically it’s a related chapter but not necessarily relevant to the storyline I guess]

Warnings: exorcism(duh!); discussion of ghosts + demons, mention of food, mention of parental neglect, A N G S T, also fluff <3 (suggestive)

Sum: one look from Jeonghan and you knew you’ll love him for the rest of your life.

A/N: Surprise!! Thought you’d seen the last of me! Lol I really wanted to show some of the relationship between the sister and Jeonghan and I thought it was worth giving it its own chapter but there’s also a couple of other things I wanted to show from the sister’s perspective. Mostly fluff but also prepare yourselves and proceed with caution for the last segment. (also I refer to our main character as her little sister, I was trying to avoid it but it was kinda inevitable oof).

Song rec: Title reference to Rock With You - Seventeen. Also The Loneliest - Maneskin (it’s their newest song and when I heard it I was like dhfshdfhajf I have to tack it on here lol).  

TAGLIST: @sleeplessdawn @aceofvernons @lilactangerine @kyeomsworld

One: ~ 8 years ago ~

“God, he’s so hot, what the actual fuck.” You hear your friend scream in your ear as the sound of the crowd pierces your brain. The spectators are going wild, howling, screaming, jumping about. Fine, it’s a sports event, it’s exciting but goddamn it’s a college soccer game. It’s not exactly the big leagues.

You try follow her line of sight but there’s too many players on the pitch.

“Who is?” You ask. To be fair to the players, they were all pretty good looking, but as your eyes scour the field you catch one particular player that sticks out even from a distance. He has a head of long hair tied up in a pony tail and a red band on one arm. That must mean he’s the captain right? That’s probably why he stands out.  

“Ugh, can you please keep up, YN?” Your friend shakes her head in exasperation. “I told you we’re here to look at Jeonghan.”

“I thought we were here to watch a soccer game?” You quip sarcastically. “Anyways, who’s Jeonghan?” You look over the names on the back of their jerseys but obviously it’s their family names and you give up immediately.

“‘Who’s Jeonghan?’” She mimics you, completely exaggerating. “He’s my future boyfriend, duh.” She says, like it’s obvious. You were starting to regret letting your aunt talk you into showing up today. You’d rather be curled up with a demonology book or hanging out with your younger sister.  

“You know, hon, as much as I would like to add telepathy and clairvoyance to my list of skills, I cannot.” You sigh, finding the idea funny since you already had abilities beyond your friend’s imagination.

“Clair-what?” Your friend screams back, never tearing her eyes from the pitch. She doesn’t seem to actually want an answer but as a protest, you’re going to give it to her anyway.

You turn to her, ignoring the game in favour of educating her. “It means-”

“Oh my god! YN!” She yells. But it’s too late.

You feel the impact on your head but you don’t know what actually happened. You cringe in pain, rubbing your head where the object had landed and you start swearing. Unfortunately, unfaithfully to the myth, the swearing does not alleviate your pain.

You do however see the soccer ball rolling away from you as everyone around you stares at you, their attention completely absorbed by the spectacle of your almost concussion.

You notice a figure headed in your direction, seemingly having run into the part of the field the crowd was standing at. It’s the arm band guy with the hair.

“Hey, are you okay?” He asks, stepping towards you and searching your face. You can’t help but meet his eyes as he assesses you. He has really big eyes and they glint in the sun, alive with the mirth of playing and the adrenaline flowing through him. He’s slightly sweaty but barely out of breath. You don’t want to admit how hard it is to tear your eyes away from his face.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” You shrug it off, the pain still stinging your head but you don’t want to stall the game. “Go back, don’t worry about me.”

“That looked like a pretty hard hit, let me take you to the nurse’s office.” He insists, already tugging on your arm to guide you away from the pitch. You find your legs complying for some reason. You glance back at your friend and she’s shooing you away to go with him. The crowd is already bored with your incident and goes back to cheering on the game.

“Are you sure you can go? You’re the captain, aren’t you?” You ask him as he steers you toward the main building on campus.

“They can do without me. Besides, I don’t know what you saw from that, but it’s my fault you got hit, so I’ll take responsibility.” He says. “I’m Jeonghan by the way.”

You almost trip over your own feet in shock. He was Jeonghan? You check the back of his jersey and it says reads ‘Yoon’ with a number 4 on it. So that’s the guy your friend was creaming over? And you just left with him? You were never going to hear the end of that.

“YN, nice to meet you.” You say, not sure if you meant it. Your friendship might end over this, who knows.

The two of you walk on in silence. You weren’t really sure what you do in this kind of situation. Your life experience lacked in the socialising department and you blamed in on your family’s occupation. Nobody wanted to hang out with the weird kid, not that they of course ever figured out what was weird about you.  

Inside the main building you follow the corridors on the first floor to the left wing home to several offices, including the nurse’s one. Jeonghan opens the door and holds it for you and you discover it empty.

“Ah, well, that’s inconvenient.” He sighs, hands on his hips. “We’ll just have to wait until the nurse comes back then.”

“I’m telling you, I’m completely fine, we can just leave. Go back to your game.” You stand by the door, hoping he’ll rejoin you but instead he parks himself in one of the waiting chairs and pats the one next to him.

“Sit down, you might have a concussion. Better to check.” He reasons. You resist the urge to roll your eyes because he does have good intentions but you would much rather just go back to the game, or better yet, home. You’d had enough of soccer for today (and for a life time).

“Don’t you want to play your match?” You ask, sitting down since there’s no sign of him budging in the slightest, ignoring how the close proximity of the chairs leaves your leg ever so slightly touching his. It was kind of cramped around.  

“I’m not too desperate to keep running around, I’m just coming off of a knee injury, so playing half might be better.” He explains.

“Oh,” you say, the realisation dawning on you. “So there’s something in it for you too. Right, and here I was thinking you were doing it out of the goodness of your heart.” You tease him jokingly.

“What are you talking about? I’m just practical - killing two birds with one stone, so to speak.” He shrugs. You don’t contain the smirk that appears on your face. You want to sass him further but you catch a movement in the corner of your vision.

Your eyes flit toward the movement immediately, vision strained toward the far side of the room. You suck in a breath through your teeth, shocked at what you see.

Floating above one of the medicine cabinets is a ghost.

Its grey aura is shimmering in the air of the office and you notice the immediate drop of temperature in the air as the ghost of an old man in what looks like a construction uniform as he edges away from the cabinet.

You keep yourself as still as possible, thinking that you need to keep up appearances for the sake of Jeonghan who’s sitting next to you, unaware of the spirit joining in the office. You had to assume you were working with someone who was oblivious to the existence of ghosts so the most pertinent evasive manoeuvre you could think of was to give a reason to leave the room and distance yourselves from the ghost.

Yes, that was a good plan of action. But how? You were thinking on your feet, scanning the room for anything to give you a clue. Your eyes settle on a water dispenser across the room that has an empty bottle on top of it.

Perfect.

“Hey, I’m thirsty, how about we go-” you start to say, getting Jeonghan’s attention -

Then losing it completely as his gaze slipped past you and looked over to where the ghost was, his eyes suddenly alert and panicked. You froze in place.

“Oh god, not again.” Jeonghan mutters, closing his eyes, shrivelling into himself. You watched him for a moment, realising that he definitely saw the spirit. He sits, breathing in and out, his mouth barely moving as he repeats the words ‘go away’ like a mantra under his breath.

“You saw it too?” You ask, glancing behind at it so see if it was any closer. It hadn’t moved.  

Jeonghan opens his eyes, blinking rapidly a couple of times. You can’t help but notice how pretty his lashes were. You snap out of it, as he turns to you. The bravado from the pitch is gone, the cool guy confidence too, and you find the fearful vulnerability ridden over his features.

“You mean you see it? That?” He nods towards the spirit. Oh, he definitely has the sight. Poor guy. He must have had it rough. You don’t need to think twice to know that the chances of this guy being a medium are quite high; most men who could see ghosts had those abilities.

What are the odds of you meeting him and finding that out, you wonder vaguely in the back of your mind.

“Yes, that’s a ghost. You’ve seen one before, right?” You ask. Jeonghan pales, suddenly speechless.  

“Y-yeah, a few times.” He admits, clearly unsure what’s going on.  

“Have you ever been possessed?” You continue questioning him, keeping an eye on the ghost - it seems to be getting closer. There’s a flicker of recognition on Jeonghan’s face but it fades just as quickly. That’s all the answer you needed.

“What does that mean?” He asks. You make a split second decision since it would take too long to explain. You grab his wrist and stand up, dragging him with you.

“No time to explain, where’s the nearest kitchen?” You demand. Jeonghan is on his feet, a little unsteady like a baby deer caught in the headlights.

“What the fuck?” His face scrunches up in confusion.

“Answer the question, wise guy.” You press.

“Across the hall. Staff room.” He says mechanically.  

“Right, quick.” You pull him away towards the door and out of it, checking behind you. As you suspected, the spirit follows slowly behind. It must have sensed Jeonghan’s energy - clearly, he must have medium abilities.

You speed down the hall and somewhere along the way Jeonghan starts leading you since he knows which door to open. You start to wonder why the ghost hadn’t possessed him in the office. What could it be? You don’t recall seeing any protective talismans on Jeonghan, nor did he give you the impression he knew anything about the situation.

So why?

You feel a cold breeze across your legs and look down at your jeans, ripped at the knees.

Of course.

You were touching. You had your protective talisman on, your ring, so you were protected and since Jeonghan was in contact with you, then that must have extended. Right? You’d need to look into that properly once you got home since you weren’t certain, but the idea seemed plausible.

No time to theorise further, you had to make sure it didn’t possess him and ward it off to be exorcised properly another day. It didn’t look like a vengeful spirit thankfully but the fact that it was hanging around a nurse’s office didn’t sit well with you.  

You burst inside the kitchen and you look around, where could it be? There’s several cupboards in the tiny kitchenette and you sigh in frustration - you’d have to open all of them.

“What now?” Jeonghan waits for your instruction. Clearly he knows what’s good for him and that you’re in charge here. It gave you a suddenly flash of satisfaction.

“Don’t let go of me unless you want to get your ass possessed by that ghost. Got it?” You ask.

“Okay.” He obeys immediately.

“We’re looking for salt, open every cupboard and search.” You instruct.

You start with the nearest one, each of you using your free hand to open them and rummage around. Jeonghan uses the hand whose wrist you’re holding to slide open a drawer and shut it when it appears full of crockery.

It takes you another at least thirty seconds to find one salt shaker in this godforsaken kitchen and it’s one of those tiny ones that doesn’t hold anything. You were a little fucked. Your plan wouldn’t work after all. You’d wanted to draw an isolation for Jeonghan so he could stay safe while you warded off the spirit but clearly that tiny ass salt shaker wasn’t going to make a dent.

“Change of plan.” You say, grabbing his hand and switching over so he was the one holding your wrist. That way you could take off the ring from your finger, its carnelian crystal vibrant against its silver band, and offer it to Jeonghan. “Put this on.” You say. He frowns but accepts it.

“Just for the record, I’m not usually this easy.” He grumbles, putting it on. “I like to be taken out to dinner first.” He says resolutely.

“In your dreams, smartass.” You reply, your words lacking bite. You feel the heavy feeling of dread settling over you and you know the spirit is close. Your breath frosts in front of your face when breath out. “Stand over there.” You say over your shoulder, pointing to the far side of the kitchenette; that should be far enough.

You were a little nervous as you waited for the ghost to appear. It floated through the wall and you steeled yourself. You hadn’t done this before, only practiced the ritual a few times with your aunt, one time even attempting to practice it on your little sister but she didn’t take too well to that, sneezing and glaring at you when you threw the salt at her.

You unscrewed the cap off the shaker carefully as not to spill it and exhaled. You started whispering the correct incantation to ward off the ghost, repeating the several phrases expertly. It seemed to be working because the ghost hesitated as it was floating towards you. Once you said it twice over, you threw some of the salt at the ghost, aiming for its transparent figure.

When the salt makes contact with its sheen of energy, its aura wobbles a little, its shimmering fading in spots. This looked about right, so you kept chanting and spraying it with salt. You checked on how much salt you had left, worried it wasn’t enough, but the ghost was already barely visible, almost completed faded.

Within a few more seconds, it disappeared completely. You sighed in relief. You were so glad that worked; you didn’t have any other ideas. Or more salt. You chucked the empty salt shaker onto the counter top and leaned against the cupboard, catching your breath.

“Okay, what the hell was that?” Jeonghan breaks the silence. You’d forgotten he was there for a moment. You turn to him, seeing him wide eyed with amazement.

“Oh boy, where do I begin?” You wonder out loud. You definitely owed him an explanation, you just hoped he’d believe it.

The two of you wander to the roof of the building, sitting and watching the sun set while you explain in details exactly what this meant. All of it; seeing ghosts, the abilities to be possessed by them and to exorcise them for mediums and exorcists respectively. Jeonghan listens quietly but you can see the cogs turning in his brain.

“You never knew, did you?” You ask him. “What you were seeing, I mean.” He purses his lips for a second, then shakes his head.

“Not really. I usually thought it was my imagination and there was something wrong with me. I would lose consciousness and regain it and have no idea what happened.” He admits. “No one else saw them, so I assumed it must be me that was messed up.”

“Well, now you know. You’re not alone.” You catch his eye for a moment and feel something squirming in your belly when he stares back. “Like you’re not special. There’s other people who can do that too.” You add for good measure. One side of Jeonghan’s mouth quirks up, amused.

“I assume there’s others who can do what you can do too.” He retorts.

“Yes, there are. It’s a craft that gets passed on through teaching the next generation.” You state, as a matter of fact.

“So, do you think I could do it too?” He catches you off-guard. You look at him, sceptically analysing his face.

“As in, be an exorcist?” You clarify. He nods. “Hmm, it’s not impossible. It would be quite dangerous since you’d be prone to possession whereas other exorcists aren’t. The majority of exorcists don’t have a medium’s possession abilities, which means they can get their job done more easily.”

“But I could learn, right?”

“Yeah, you could.” You were starting to feel the direction Jeonghan was veering off to. “It’s not common to get exorcists who weren’t born into it though, you’d be a minority. Besides, if you have the ability to see and be possessed by ghosts, most people go for being mediums.”

You spied a mischievous glint in Jeonghan’s eyes when he trained them on you.

“I’m not most people.” He says. “I want to learn; can you teach me?” He inquires.

You had to admit you were impressed. He was unwavering as he asked, no trace of the shaky, Bambi-esque Jeonghan you’d witness earlier. You wondered what he could possibly want with being an exorcist.

“I’m not sure I can, since I’m learning the craft myself, but I could talk to my aunt. You’d have to be approved by the Council too.” You explain. “Why do you want to be an exorcist, anyway?”

“I want to know how to rid the world of ghosts so we can all live more peacefully. There must be a lot of them out there, just wandering around.” You watch Jeonghan look out to the horizon over your campus. The dying light of day shines in his eyes, setting his gaze on fire. “I wouldn’t wish it on anyone to live their life in fear.” He says.

You consider it for a moment. There’s something heavy in his tone, and you know immediately he’s talking from experience.  

“That’s a good answer. You know, exorcism is about ferrying souls to the next world. It’s a responsibility to the dead as well as the living, even if we treat it as a craft. So you have to be diligent and work hard, can you do that?”

“Yes,” He looks over to you. Your eyes meet and there’s a semblance of a smile on his face. “I want to do it.”

“Alright,” You nod, taking it in. “Then I’ll get back to you on that, Jeonghan.” The taste of his name on your lips feels like a new dawn, the promise of what’s to come permeating the crisp morning air.

The irony of your intuition is not lost to you since the sun has just set and here you are thinking that this might be the beginning of something important, maybe a pivotal moment in your life.

“Thanks. I’ll see you around then, YN.” Jeonghan says to you with a lazy wave of his hand and leaves.

That evening, you get back home, your aunt is cooking something that makes your mouth water before you even descend the stairs into the basement and your little sister is scribbling away at her homework on the kitchen table.

“Hey, kiddo!” Your aunt greets over her shoulder as she throws in some spice. “How was the game? Did your school win?”  

You stop suddenly, hit by the reality - you had no idea what on earth happened with the game. You and Jeonghan had left with about a half hour of the match remaining. You hadn’t found out the result, but presumably Jeonghan had. You’d exchanged phone numbers, but he hadn’t bothered to tell you how it ended.

“Uh, I don’t know.” You say truthfully. Your little sister looks up from her workbook and gives you a stink face of confusion.

“Did you fall asleep or something? How do you not know who won?” She asks, as if you’re the most incapable person she knew.

“I suppose the players made more of an impression than the match. I go to one game and don’t know the score - obviously soccer and I weren’t meant to be. Guess that’s fate.” You answer, shrugging. That seems to aggravate her and she rolls her eyes at you.

“Yeah, aha, okay, you kooky old lady.” Your aunt makes a noise of objection, the way a parent might but let’s it go after a second because she’s too busy trying to make the sauce edible. “And don’t use that word lightly. You know how powerful fate is. Don’t even joke about it.”

You thought about the gut feeling you’d had on the rooftop while talking to Jeonghan. Could your baby sister be right? Were you overthinking it and attaching more meaning to it than necessary? But what were the odds of you ever meeting a medium who was willing to be an exorcist at a college sport event?

“I don’t know, it felt like fate though,” you hum. She raises her eyebrows at you, clearly detecting something in your voice and you clear your throat. “You wouldn’t get it, kiddo.” You say, then ruffle her hair. “Let’s eat!”

*

Two: 7 years ago

Before you knew it, the weeks rolled by, you started hanging out with Jeonghan more and more, your aunt eventually agreeing to take him as a mentee by your side. Your little sister took to him too, the two of them hitting it off fairly quickly and for some reason it had made you glad.

You started to fall for him, slowly but surely, each day bringing new feelings that you’d never felt before. The weeks became months, and you were undoubtedly in love with Jeonghan.

The soup you were making was almost ready and you were stirring it mindlessly as you listened out for the front door opening. You were supposed to go on a study date tonight with Jeonghan, since he’d had soccer practice earlier. It was not like an actual date but just studying together, although deep down you were a little disappointed it wasn’t like that.

You didn’t know why your little sister was running late from school but you were starting to get worried. You’d only had a few classes that day too but since she was still in high school, she got home later than you. It was coming up to dinner time and your aunt was still out investigating something for an exorcism so you were in charge.

But you didn’t want to be late for your date with Jeonghan.

You pour some steaming soup into two bowls, leaving enough in the pot for your aunt when she returns from work, then you hear the basement door open and shut. Your kitchen door was basically never closed, mostly since your other doors were thick, so the noise from the hallway itself carries easily.  

“Hey, kiddo-” you start as your sister comes in but stop yourself short when you see her. She’s drenched from head to toe, the rain soaking her to the bone. “Yah, what the fuck happened?” You start fussing over her, helping her take off her jacket and put her bag down. You pick up the hairdryer from the chest of drawers adjacent to the table and untangle the cable.

“Being a freak happened.” She huffs.

“What?”

“I just - ugh, let me get dry first, I’ll tell you in a minute.” She reaches for the hairdryer but you shake your head since her hands are still wet.

“Just stand there, I’ll do it.” You tell her, making her turn so you can start drying.

It’s sort of therapeutic, drying someone else’s hair. You can feel her visibly start to relax a little under the gentle heat of the machine.

You sit her down finally at the table and make her have some soup first before talking about her day.

“So, tell me what happened.” You prod. She sighs and swallows the sip of soup down.

“There was a ghost at school,” She starts, tensing up again. “It turns out that it had retained its voice but obviously other people mostly don’t hear it. And I forgot what I was doing and I started talking to it. Then everyone started calling me crazy and laughing at me.” She closes her eyes, clearly annoyed at the situation.

“Oh, sweetie,” you sigh, sympathetic as it became clear what the problem was. You’d had your fair share of it too, growing up, people laughing at you when stared into space at something they couldn’t see and wondering what you were looking at.

“After that I ended up doing some investigating on the ghost and walked home in the rain.” She explains. “It’s just so stupid, I know I should be more careful but like people suck. What if there was another reason I did that? How can people be so cruel?” She shakes her head.

“Well, it’s not something else, it’s the sight.” You lament. “And we’re stuck with it.”

“I don’t know how I’m going to go to school tomorrow, everyone will chat shit behind my back.” She looks down at her soup, a small frown playing on her lips.

“Welcome to ‘Being a Social Outcast’ 101. This is how we were destined to live, those of us ‘blessed’ with eyes that can see.” You scoff at the idea of being blessed. You look at your little sister sulking at her soup. “Hey, cheer up, we can be weirdos together, kiddo. Me and you, what do you say?” You bring a hand up to her cheek and pinch it slightly to get her attention. She side eyes you but makes no move to brush you off.

“And Jeonghan too?” She asks.

Uh oh. Jeonghan.

The question catches you by surprise and you remember you were supposed to meet him at the library soon. You glance at the clock and realise you’re running late.

“Shit,” you say under your breath. “Uh, yeah, whatever, I need to go.” You tell her. “Finish your soup!” You say as you get up to go and stop by to kiss the top of her head. “Be good, kid!” You call as you leave, grabbing your coat and bag, practically running. You hear her grumble something incoherent that sounds like she’s sarcastically talking back but you’re already half-way out the door, running into the night to meet Jeonghan.

*  

Three: ~ 5 years ago ~

Time doesn’t wait for you to catch up with it; it flies on relentlessly.

Before you knew it, you graduated university and you took over your aunt’s business, her retirement taking none of you by surprise. Jeonghan became a part of you and you a part of him, the two of you a complete set when you were together, and your little sister was suddenly already graduating from high school.

It had been after about a year and a half of being friends that Jeonghan confessed he was really into you, the word ‘love’ almost slipping out of his mouth but you could see he was nervous to say it. So you did it for him, sincerely and happily, telling him that you loved him so.

That had opened up a whole new realm of life that had been locked to you. You went through a lot together - like finals, getting qualified as exorcists in the Council, Jeonghan’s attempt at a part time job as a mascot outside a chicken shop where he almost broke his ankle trying to break dance so you made him quit much to his disappointment - but actually being a couple was a completely different thing.

For the most part, you tried to keep it low key from your family, unsure about how they’d react, though you were pretty sure your little sister knew what was going on from every suspicious look she threw over her shoulder.

That wasn’t really something that you cared about since you knew eventually you’d have to tell her. It could wait though, the basis of your and Jeonghan’s relationship wasn’t something that would affect her that much since the two of you were together regardless.

Besides, you had bigger fish to fry.

When people picked hobbies, they usually picked something that was fun and interactive, like baking or maybe playing tennis, whatever. You on the other hand had picked up demonology.

You’d picked up a book on the subject years ago at the Hong residence and supply house, their massive library entrancing you the moment you stepped foot inside. Your friend Joshua had been surprised that’s what had caught your eye but he’d been supplying you with titles for a long time to keep your avid interest satiated.

Your book shelf filled quickly, your fascination sometimes bordering on sick, but you couldn’t help but turn the pages, your hand gripping the book as you read intently.

You’d introduced Jeonghan to it after you’d both become qualified as exorcists, the two of you spending quiet evenings lying around, each absorbed in a book plucked off your bedside table. Your other dates included doing exorcisms and going out for dinner, y’know, normal things. But you enjoyed sharing your knowledge with Jeonghan - he had a big brain to keep up with you but a bigger heart for humouring your fancies.

Eventually you told him why it fascinated you so much, the excitement of danger aside; it was the idea of being an elite. You were ambitious, competitive, you had dreams of being the best exorcist in your lineage, which to be fair to your family, was a little bit ambitious - your lineage had produced some great exorcists.

Your family was one of the older exorcist families around in the industry. Some families’ lineage had cut off since some people didn’t have kids so either closed their offices or sold them on to another family to run.

Your ancestors were incredibly skilled, responsible, passed on generations of knowledge and experience, though you had no actual records of any elites among them. You were sceptical that for all that time no one had ever come across a demon or dipped into demonology but that discovery had spurred you on to delve deeper and see where this could take you.

You were headed to the Hongs’ residence for supplies, the first since your aunt had retired and you were excited to go with Jeonghan. You realised though, that your little sister had one of her final martial arts classes before she quit so she could focus on studying for finals and you, of course, as the elder (read: user of the family car) had to go pick her up and leave her home where you’d hope you’d find her in two days time when you and Jeonghan returned.

You parked in the nearest available parking spot and decided to go get her from the studio since you couldn’t sit still, your legs jiggling impatiently. Indeed, stretching your legs before a long drive was a good idea. So you nipped inside the studio, wandering in the corridors where several parents were waiting for their kids to finish up their classes in the different training rooms.

One particular scene caught your attention and your legs slowed down of their own accord. There was a mother with her toddler in one of those baby carrying harnesses, waiting outside for her older child it seemed, and she was smiling so widely at her baby, the warmth in that smile radiating all the way to you, where you stood still, your face wistful.

Your parents had never taken you to your extracurriculars, let alone anywhere.

A few years after your sister was born and it was confirmed that both of you could see ghosts, they left you with your grandparents and aunt, moving you away from the town you were born in. It was a few hours away, that’s where they’d been hoping to raise the two of you, away from all this, hoping that neither of you had the sight just as your father had been spared but the two of you were born like your aunt - blessed and cursed.

They weren’t necessarily bad parents in your opinion, though others would beg to differ, but sometimes you wished things had been different. Maybe because it was in those moments that you missed them; as the older child, you’d got to spend more time with them and get used to them so when they brought you to your family house, you’d been the one to feel their loss more than your sister, who was probably too young to remember.

She openly resented them and didn’t care that they’d left you - perhaps acting stoically for your sake so you didn’t miss them too much either, though it had occurred to you that the reason she didn’t miss them is because instead, she’s had four other people care for her, including yourself, and had never missed the love that would have come from your parents. They did visit often, especially when you were young, but when you were both teenagers, they’d cut down on their trips, citing their own ageing as the cause.

You couldn’t remember the last time the four of you had been together. Maybe it was-

Crash!

You’re briefly aware of your own movement before you feel the collision’s full force and you’re falling down. Something thumps down and spills on the floor next to you, and you gather your senses immediately, scanning the situation in a nanosecond.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry!” You say blindly before you’ve even realised what’s going on. Better start the apologies early since it was most likely entirely your scatter-brained fault. First, you notice the cardboard box and its spilled contents on the floor - a number of trophies, medals and coloured belts adorn the floor in front of you. Second, you see the owner of said box and his shocked face.

You’re met with a tall, gangly bean of a boy, around your sister’s age probably, staring at you with startled eyes. It takes him a second to snap out of it and he starts to help you up. You’re surprised by the strength of his grip as he pulls you up effortlessly since on first glance he still appears to be a bit of a shrimp. (A very adorable one that you instinctively felt like you have to protect - you can’t help your big sis senses tingling.)

“No! It’s okay, it’s not your fault, I couldn’t see where I was going with the box. I’m sorry.” He says hurriedly, his eyes flitting around everywhere but not meeting yours. You find his shyness cute and you smile reassuringly.

“Not at all, I wasn’t watching what I was doing. Here, let me help you.” You say as you crouch down and start to pick up the contents of the box off the floor. The boy folds his long limbs and joins you, depositing things in the box haphazardly. You pick each medal and trophy up carefully and you wonder why he isn’t doing the same. Then you realise how many there actually are, each one a shade of gold, silver or bronze, the trophies engraved to a Xu MH. He had too many to care about every single one.

“Wow, did you win all of these?” You ask, genuinely impressed by the quantity. He must be one of the more talented kids around here, unlike your little loser sister (not her fault, you loved her anyway). He perks up at the inquisition, nodding sheepishly after a moment.

“I did.” He confirms, but he doesn’t look too proud or happy about it, if anything, you sense something a tad sad in his expression. You wonder what that’s about.

“Ah, that’s great. You must have worked really hard. It shows a lot of dedication.” You say, trying to be friendly and not let him wallow in whatever it was. “You know, in this world we need more people who are strong like that and use their strength for good.” He raises his eyes from the box to your face, assessing what it is you’re trying to say.

“We do?” He tilts his head to one side, the action puppyish and childlike.

“Of course we do!” You say as you place the last belt inside the box and get up again. “It’s tough out there, kiddo. You can support yourself and the ones you love with your strength and dedication, don’t underestimate it.” You tell him. You feel that it comes out too cryptically, but you’re thinking of that mother - the dedication and strength it takes to keep her kids safe and your own family, your aunt and sister in particular, supporting each other where you can. Something made you want to say this to a complete stranger but you had no idea why.  

There is the possibility that to the boy, you sound like one of those old witches giving riddles to the young in exchange for a dragon tooth or lizard’s tongue, but you hope he’ll understand when he’s older.

He gives you a half-smile, still mulling it over as he picks up his box again, heaving it up into his almost spindly arms. “I guess you’re right.” He says. “Goodbye.” He nods politely, and makes his way around you and out of the studio.

“Bye.” You reply as you watch him leave, worried that he might drop the box again since it looked quite heavy. You wondered if anyone was going to help him, but he appeared to be all alone as he trudged away and out…

*  

Four: ~4 years ago ~

The older you got, the less you felt like celebrating your birthday. Jeonghan had talked your ear off to do something special for it since you had the day off from any exorcisms or investigations, but you insisted that you don’t want anything big. You knew you���d have a meal with your sister, maybe your aunt too if she came to visit from the tea plantation, but besides that you begged Jeonghan to just hang out at his place and warned him not to do anything crazy.

He took your word for it like the good boyfriend he was, obediently picking you up when you said you’d woken up and were ready, and bringing you to his studio apartment. He detested the tiny box he lived in, vowing that he’d move out some day and get a nice place with several rooms and an actual separation between the kitchen and bedroom. You nodded reassuringly, encouragingly even, pitying his dreams of impossible real estate ambitions because you were too well aware of the economy right now.

“I like your tiny box apartment, you know, it’s not so bad, Hannie.” You tell him when you arrive. He’d been grumbling about having to go to the laundromat instead of having his own washing machine at home. You sat down on his bed since the only other seating was around the kitchenette counter and the chairs were occupied by clothes and the groceries you’d just bought together.

“You like it ‘cause you don’t live here, babe.” He replies with sigh, opening the fridge to deposit the food you weren’t going to eat. “If I get a bigger place I could just get a roommate but then again, it would be difficult explaining what I do for a living to anyone.”

“You know, that might not be necessary,” you say absentmindedly, thinking that maybe one day, Jeonghan could move in with you and your sister, like if you ever ended up getting married- “Woah.” You say out loud. Maybe it was too early to think about that, even though you were completely certain that you loved Jeonghan more than your own life, you were both still very young and it would probably be years until he felt comfortable to ask. Or maybe you could ask-

“Woah what?” He asks you, his head semi-stuck into the fridge while he Tetris-ed some vegetables into the tiny drawer.

“Nothing, I, uh-” you look around desperately for a good excuse. “I just thought I saw a bug.” You conclude quickly.

“Where?” Jeonghan jumps out of his skin and bumps his head on the edge of the fridge and yelps in surprise.

“Hannie! Are you okay?” You spring up from the bed and take two steps to reach him, putting a hand on his shoulder and trying to straighten him up safely. He unfolds himself and rubs his temple with one hand, surveying the possible damage. You bring your own hand up, brushing the skin there gently to see if there was a bump. You feel a little guilty for making that up, but maybe he would have gotten more injured if you told him you were thinking about marriage.

“I’m fine, don’t worry.” He says, trying to go back to his fridge organisation. You shake your head, zeroing in on the slight redness over where his head had made contact with the fridge.

“You got a little something there.” You narrow your eyes at the tiny red splodge. Jeonghan focuses on you and watches you as you fuss.

“Alright, can you kiss it better?” He says meekly, as if testing the waters. There’s a hint of mischief in his voice but for the most part he’s asking shamelessly as you might expect him to. You pout, taking your time considering the request.

“I guess I could,” You sigh, not wanting to give him the satisfaction just yet. He liked being cringily shameless and he knew you ate it up because you just loved him that much. He lowers and angles himself slightly towards you expectantly. You roll your eyes before stretching and planting a smooch on the spot.

“All better now, thank you, my dear.” Jeonghan straightens up, satisfied.

“Yoon Jeonghan, seriously-” you shake your head. “It’s a good thing I love you.” You laugh, reaching around him to wrap your arms around his shoulders. He hums in satisfaction and encircles your waist, bringing you flush against him before you kiss, your mouth molding to his softly. You anticipate it by now, the way your heart flutters every time the two of you kiss, but it doesn’t mean you’re any less surprised when it happens.

Jeonghan kisses you lovingly before pulling away and making you sit down on the empty one of the chairs.

“I know we said nothing big, but I just wanted you to have something special for your birthday.” He says after a moment, already rushing around and rummaging through a drawer.

“Yah, Hannie…” You whine, knowing it was useless. When he made up his mind to do something, Jeonghan was going to follow through every time no matter what it took. It’s one of the things you liked about him most since it was something that you knew you would do too. You had your principles and you liked to do things your way, for better or worse.

Jeonghan pulls out a box from the drawer. It’s a small box; not quite as small enough for a ring but not bigger than maybe a simple necklace and that’s what you think it might be, since you’re sure you’d never discussed marriage before and you know Jeonghan wouldn’t put you in that position. However, as he presents the box to you, suddenly you’re not sure it’s not a ring and you freak out internally.

“Wait-” You say, eye shaking slightly. Jeonghan sees your apprehension and guesses what you must be thinking. The smirk on his face appears before you can think of what to say next.

“Hey,” He says, a teasing lilt to his voice. “What are you thinking, YN? ‘Cause if you’re thinking what I think you’re thinking then think again.” You blink, just about following whilst your head starts to spin.

“It’s not?” You ask, trying to keep your tone as neutral as possible. Jeonghan frowns.

“Don’t sound so disappointed - you haven’t seen what it is yet.” He switches to whining, putting the box in front of you the table. “Happy birthday, YN.” He kisses your hair and waits for you to open it. You lift the lid of the box carefully and stop abruptly.

Inside the box is a silver bracelet with four charms, each one a tiny carnelian gem carved into a heart and secured within the silver weave of the chain. It was delicate and gorgeous and you knew that Jeonghan had been planning it for a long time since he had to source the protective talisman part of the jewellery first.

“Oh, Hannie,” You gush as you pick it out of the box.

“Do you like it?” He asks hopefully, shifting his weight forward and backward in anticipation.

“I love it! Thank you, baby.” You lean and plant a sweet kiss on his cheek, catching him by surprise. “How did you find it?” You ask, motioning for him to help you put it on.

“I asked Joshua if he could make it and it turns out he’s pretty good with his hands. It’s pretty much all his work, I mean I helped design it but other than that it was all him. See, the charms are you, me, your sister and your aunt.” Jeonghan explains.

You look at the bracelet closely, noticing that each crystal charm was delicately outlined by more silver, the shape perfectly fitting together. You had to acknowledge Joshua’s handy work, it was better than a lot of the other handmade jewellery you owned. You turn back to Jeonghan, who’s also admiring the bracelet.

“You did the most important thing; you had the idea and put your heart into it.” You smile down at how lovely the bracelet sits against your skin, the cool metal slick over your warm wrist. “Thank you, Hannie, I really love it.” It’s your turn to be a little cringy as you pucker your lips and wait for a kiss, which he happily obliges you with.

Now you had another protective talisman and your boyfriend by your side, you felt unstoppable.

“Okay, let’s have some cake, I got you candles, let me just light it up-” Jeonghan deposits the cake from the opposite counter to the one in front of you. The cake was your favourite flavour, the same one you get every birthday, a tradition you’ve had for many years even before you knew Jeonghan but he’d become a part of it as he celebrated with you every year.

He placed a trio of tiny pastel coloured candles on top of the cake and reached into his pocket for his lighter. It was the one that he carried with him everywhere on exorcisms since he usually took care of the incense lighting. You’d grown to love the little zippo lighter, its familiar daisy design indented into the smooth metallic surface.

“Make a wish, babe.” Jeonghan says when the candles are ready. You close your eyes and think hard; what could you really wish for? You had everything you ever wanted and everything you ever needed in your life. There was really nothing more you could wish for.

As you blew out the candles, you wished that everything could stay like this forever…

*            

~ a few moons later ~

“You’re doing it wrong, oh my god.” Jeonghan whines as you spread the butter over the baking paper.

“Yah, there’s no other way to do it, it’s fine like this.” You argue as you keep smoothing the stick of butter against the surface. Jeonghan sighs.

“Alright, it’s not like either of us is competent, we’ll just have to scrape it out of the tub later.” He shrugs.

“Hey, will you relax? Nobody will be scraping anything. This thing isn’t sticking to anything any time soon.” You reassure him as you keep going, incessantly patting the butter over the parchment.  

“Eh, even if we have to dig it out, I still love you.” He says. You roll your eyes but lean back into the back hug that Jeonghan gives you, wrapping his arms around you. You hum, leaning back against him, not quite admitting defeat but also not disagreeing anymore.

In a minute you’ve got your banana cake in the oven and a timer set up, knowing that you’ll have to guard this baked good with your life if you didn’t want it to burn.

“We have time to kill, what do you want to do?” You ask him, watching as he stacks the freshly washed dishes on to the rack by the sink.

“I don’t know, but I might have an idea.” He says, drying his hands on a tea towel. You’re not sure what he’s talking about but he catches you off guard, turning around and whisking you up in his arms, planting a huge kiss on your lips while you giggle in surprise.

You kiss him back, smiling against his lips, immediately on board with the plan.

Jeonghan walks you backwards, your back hitting a counter top where he rests his hands, effectively trapping you in. What started out as a sweet kiss, now spins out of control as you find your mouths locked together, your tongue in Jeonghan’s mouth while he presses his whole body into yours.

You break off breathlessly, still chasing his lips even though you need to take in air and fill your lungs again.

“I love you,” Jeonghan breathes against your mouth, pecking the side of your mouth, his eyes half-closed, dazed and completely lost in the moment. “Always.”

His words make the corners up your mouth turn up automatically, your heart fluttering like a butterfly in your chest.

“I love you too,” You reply, your nose brushing his face gently as you try to capture his lips again. “Forever.” You whisper before kissing him again. The warmth erupts in your veins, your skin heating up with the excitement of being so close to Jeonghan.

You keep making out a little longer, saying flirty and non-sensical things in between kisses.

“Your cheeks are so red, you look like you’ve been attacked by a blusher.” He says, after you’ve broken off to check on your cake for a minute.

“Oh yeah?” You ask half-heartedly. “Your lips are so red, you look like you’re wearing the latest shade from Valentino. You should dye your hair to match, it’ll be a fun look for you, darling.” You retort.

“That would be your shade of lipstick, sweetie.” He leans down to catch your eye smugly. You purse your lips because you know he’s right - you’d forgotten you had put on lipstick not that long ago and you hadn’t really thought too hard about what the consequence would be if you made out.

“Well, it’s not like you were complaining about it before.” You shrug.

“I wasn’t complaining, sweetheart.” He says, his voice dropping low before he catches your lips again. Somewhere around the house you can hear a door slam and for a split second you let yourself get lost in the kiss before your brain kicks into gear and you realise it’s probably your sister.

“Shit, Hannie, what if she walks in?” You pull away quickly, trying to listen out for her footsteps padding across the hallway. Jeonghan however just moves his mouth down to your jaw. “Hannie!” You hiss, unable to hear anything over the noise of the oven working.

“It’s fine, kiddo’s not a baby, she’s old enough to have her own boyfriend.” He mumbles between kisses. You feel like putty in his hands, melting from the kitchen’s heat and Jeonghan’s touches. Your brain clouds over once more and you put aside your brief worry, your lips sticking to Jeonghan’s again. You couldn’t hear anyone coming anyway, who cares.

A door slams again, this time nearer and within three seconds Jeonghan jumps away from you, practically throwing himself across the room just as your little sister wanders through the kitchen door and you hurry to turn around and throw on the oven mitts, feigning interest in the cake while Jeonghan’s hand flies to his face to wipe away any of the remaining lipstick over his mouth.

She gives you a sceptical stink face, her signature expression, reserved only for you and occasionally for Jeonghan recently since he’s practically part of your family too. The only person who didn’t get that treatment was your aunt since your sister thought she didn’t warrant it (your aunt was basically a saint, of course your sister never doubted a thing she said).

She doesn’t really say anything but as she trudges over to the fridge, you think you hear her mutter something that sounds like ‘weirdos’ or to that effect. You sigh in relief once she takes out a soda and takes her leave, telling you to leave her a slice of whatever it was for after she finishes studying.

“Sure thing, kiddo.” You call after her, making up the awkwardness with enthusiasm and volume. You swivel towards Jeonghan, who looks like he’s contemplating sinking into the ground. “What happened to ‘it’s fine, she’s not a baby’ blah blah blah?” You ask, feeling just a tad snarky.

“Jeonghan from two minutes ago had no idea what he was talking about.” He says, referring to himself in the third person.

He’s blushing considerably and you can’t help but find it cute. You pull him closer again, putting a mittened hand over each of his cheeks and smiling.

“You really should dye your hair red, it’s totally your colour.” You chuckle, poking each cheek gently in an attempt to help him relax. Jeonghan nods slowly, as if in thought.

“Maybe one day.”  

*

Six: ~ 3 years ago ~

It felt like the sunniest day of the year, the heat rising visibly all around you as you got out of the car. Once you got to the sand, you felt the breeze gently coax away some of the raw hotness coming from above and below - the unbelievable warmth of the sand beneath your feet but also the blistering sun rays raining down on you.

Maybe you’d chosen the worst time for a beach picnic since it was too hot, but Jeonghan had insisted that there was no better way to cool down than to go swimming in the ocean. So of course you indulged him  and took your little sister along for a little day off. Your office was hot and stuffy anyway, the air con barely working as it whirred away on its last legs.  

You’re lying down with a demonology book under the umbrella Jeonghan insisted you bring, a lemonade by your side as you occasionally glance up at the shoreline where Jeonghan is trying to teach your sister how to fly a kite. He’d insisted he knows how to do it and you believed him since he was good at like everything. But you were starting to think that had been a generous assumption.

So far it was going…unexpectedly. They had attempted it several times but couldn’t seem to decide which direction exactly the wind was coming from, so the kite had not been launched successfully.

Eventually your sister figures out where the wind is definitely coming from, standing with her back to it while she holds the kite and urges Jeonghan to move further away. They’re so far away you can only hear snatches of their light hearted bickering. You’re reading a particularly riveting paragraph on the shared qualities of vengeful spirits and demonic presences when you hear whoops and cheers coming from the kite fliers.

You look up and see the kite flying high in the azure sky and smile to yourself.

They worked well together despite the occasionally childish squabbles, though you’d always took those as a sign that your sister was comfortable with Jeonghan, it had been years after all and he was practically family to her. You were sure it was her way of being affectionate. You were convinced that if they could fly a kite together, they could move a mountain, bickering or not.

It’s a few minutes later that your sister drops down on the towel next to yours, spraying sand in your direction as she gets comfortable on her back.

“What are you reading?” She asks you, trying to angle her head to read the title of the book.

“Demonology For Dummies. It’s the new edition by Professor Hong and I haven’t read it yet. Joshua sent me a signed copy from his aunt.” You say, not tearing your eyes away from the page.

Your sister groans loudly, flopping back further into the towel as she drapes an arm across her face dramatically. “You and your demons! I swear, will you stop obsessing? We work with ghosts, are those not enough for you?”

You click your tongue at her but you’re not annoyed. “You still don’t get it; this is one of the most fascinating and under-researched areas of exorcism. It’s important to know about it since you never know when you might run into demons.” You don’t mean to sound so harsh but it comes off as a huff.

“Alright, alright, fine. Just don’t come crying to me when you actually face a demon and you lose.” She replies with a yawn.

“Fat chance.” You mutter. She sits up suddenly, and you can feel the weight of her stare on you. You hated it when she did that - every once in a while she would get still, just watching and assessing what’s in front of her.

You always felt that she would overthink things in that big brain of hers, hesitating and never taking action at the right time. You were so opposite in that aspect, one of the biggest differences between the two of you, because you always knew when it was time to move and when it was time to jump in but your sister stood back and wanted to plan things.

You needed to encourage her to do things faster, to trust her instinct and move. That was your responsibility as her big sister.  

“No way. I’m serious. It’s too dangerous. Just leave well enough alone.” She says just as Jeonghan bounds over, camera in hand.

“I never leave well enough alone.” You mumble as he reaches you. You think your sister doesn’t hear you but she glances at you, her face ominous.

“YN, sit up, I’ll take a photo of you two.” He beckons you to manoeuvre yourself to get in the shot. You put your book down reluctantly but sidle up to your sister and throw a warm arm around her shoulders. She bonks her head against yours and Jeonghan takes the photo, the camera clicking quietly under his finger. “Another one, c’mon, stand up.” He insists.

You’re not sure what’s got into Jeonghan or why he was being so enthusiastic today. He was usually far calmer and quieter but today he was acting like one of those wind up toys when you turn the key tightly enough. It was a little odd but you chalked it up to him being excited to be at the beach.

He took several more photos, each of them just of the two of you, smiling or making faces at each other and the camera. It felt cheesy, but that’s how family outings were supposed to be, you realised. You do cheesy things with the people you love because you can. Maybe you’d missed out a little on those growing up without your parents.

“Ugh, I’m hungry. You guys want to eat?” Your sister asks. Jeonghan perks up, his eyes flitting up from the camera.

“Ya know what, kiddo? I could eat.” He nods. “How about it?”

“Okay, there’s a convenience store across the parking lot, you can buy ice cream there.” She says nonchalantly and parks herself back down on the towel. You smirk behind your book, hearing the familiar lilt to your sister’s voice when she wanted to exercise her younger sibling powers - it was usually a rare occasion, though you’d observed it had become a more frequent phenomenon when Jeonghan was involved. She probably knew that he would humour her at least while you’d always shut down any attempts at it.  

“Eh, c’mon, let’s be fair-” Jeonghan stuffs his hand in his pocket and pulls something out. “-I’ll flip you for it. Heads I win, tails you lose. Head or tails?” He asks hurriedly, already flicking the coin into the air.

You purse your lips, attempting to keep the scoff from escaping your mouth. Your little sister seems to not be paying attention to Jeonghan’s words and they fly right over her head as she stretches out on the towel again.

“Whatever, heads.” She says. Jeonghan catches the coin expertly and reveals the face of it.

“Ah, tails! Get up, kid, it’s your time to shine.” Your sister shoots up, trying to get a good look at the coin before he gets rid of it. Oh, so now she decides to be alert and examine if Jeonghan is trying to pull something shady.  

Jeonghan reaches into his pocket again, his other one, and pulls out some cash. “Here you are, go crazy.” He says as he hands her the money. “Chocolate sauce, nuts, sprinkles, the whole shebang.” He blabbers. It strikes you like a lot of fuss over ice cream, then again it is your sister - her middle name is ‘ice cream’.

“Ugh, alright. I’ll be back.” She says, but there’s no real exasperation behind her words. You smile and wave at her as she leaves, knowing that deep down she was excited to get ice cream but was holding back to seem cool, for who, you had no idea.

You peer over at Jeonghan over the top of your book, wanting to poke fun at your sister together but you find him crouched over his bag at the base of the umbrella. He’s searching for something in that bottomless thing so you just go back to Professor Hong’s guide to incense and demonic entities.

“YN?” You hear Jeonghan say. You hum in response, waiting for him to say something. “Can you come here a second? I need a hand.” He asks.

“Sure thing, babe.” You prop your book facing down on the towel and heave yourself up. He’s still crouching over the bag and you stand next to him, waiting, your eyes wandering to the shoreline where the waves are breaking. It’s far away but you can still feel a little bit of the spray being carried by the wind over to you. “What did you need-”

You stop abruptly as you turn your attention back to Jeonghan and find him sitting in front of you, no - not sitting - kneeling on one knee in the sand. Your eyes bug out when they land on the tiny box he holds in the palm of his hand, extending it to you in an offering. Inside is a ring with a rose quartz gem framed by tiny, what you guessed were, white sapphires and a rose gold band.  

“Yoon Jeonghan.” You say in warning, however your voice is quiet and you have nothing to follow that accusatory full name calling with.

“Told you I needed a hand.” He says sheepishly, taking one of your hands into his own. “Now, since you know my name, would you like to marry me?” He asks, a nervous smile starting to appear across his face. You’re completely tongue-tied for a moment. “I did have a whole spiel prepared, but now that I’m looking at you, I’m a little speechless.” He explains.“All I know is that I love you, so, so much and I want to spend every day with you. So, YN, will you do me that honour and spend the rest of your life with me?”

It’s overwhelming. That’s an understatement. There’s a knot at the back of your throat, the salt welling in your eyes already, but you know that happiness and love are contained in those tears.  

“Yes.” It’s one simple word, but it feels like it is the most powerful thing in the universe in that moment. “Yes, of course I would, Hannie. I love you too,” You whisper. “So very much that sometimes I can’t breathe.” You continue, fighting the urge to cry. You sniffle slightly as Jeonghan grins up at you and takes the ring out of the box and slides it onto your finger.

He straightens up once it’s securely on your hand and engulfs you into a hug. You wrap your arms around him so tightly, you’re afraid you might crush him but he returns your affection, holding you even closer. You stay in each other’s embrace, the wind blowing gently around you and the waves breaking against the shore in the distance.

“What should we tell her?” Jeonghan asks after a while, his voice close to your ear. You release him slowly, only enough to look at him.

“Is that why you sent my sister to buy ice cream?” You ask, suddenly putting together the pieces.

“Sort of, I guess. I don’t know, I panicked since I thought I wouldn’t get a moment alone with you.” He admits. You chuckle at his honesty, although you were pretty grateful you just had this moment to yourselves.

“I think we should wait until she notices the ring. Want to make a bet on how long it takes?” You ask.

“Oh, my love, you do know me so well.” Jeonghan sighs. “I think two hours, probably when we get home.”

You nod, taking a moment to think. “Hmm, I see your two hours and I raise you one day. She probably won’t zero in on my hands for ages.”

“Alright, deal. Loser grants winner a wish.”

“Perfect-”

“Ugh, I swear to fucking fuck of- why do people have licenses if they can’t fucking drive?” You hear your little sister’s roaring behind you and you put your hand to rest on Jeonghan’s back, completely out of her sight. He gives you a side eye glance but you don’t budge; even if you had set rules, he still would have found a way to cheat and win. You were so going to give him a run for his money.

“Hey, hey, what’s going on?” You ask her as she gets back and throws herself down on the towel, almost scarily angry. Her arms are folded over her chest, and you notice, completely empty. You frown. “Where’s the ice cream?”

“In the parking lot,” She grumbles. “Because some chump with a motorcycle came out of nowhere and almost fucking killed me. I swear, I hate those, I’m never getting on one in this life time.”

“Wanna make another bet?” Jeonghan whispers, his lips to your ear.

“Shoosh.” You whisper back. You didn’t want to imagine what great ideas your boyfrie- well, fiancé, would come up with to win that bet. “Are you okay?” You ask, but you can see there’s no bodily harm, just a bruise to her day off.

“I’m fine, I just want to find this guy and give him a piece of my mind.” She says, getting up. Suddenly you had a great idea.  

“Okay, kiddo, why don’t you cool down? Let’s go swimming.” You offer, trying to coax her to relax.

“Alright, let’s do that.” She says and without another word, sets off toward the water. You look at Jeonghan and smile sweetly.

“Sweetie, I’m gonna have to put the ring back in its box since I don’t want to lose it in the ocean, is that okay?” You bat your eyelashes at him. He nods slowly, understanding.

“That’s clever, babe, but I’m still going to win.” He hands you the box that was still in his hands and kisses your temple.

“In your dreams, Mr Yoon.”

“I make my dreams a reality, Mrs Yoon.” He smirks at you, pleased with his line and props the ring back in while you’re left standing there, blinking at how undeniably hot that was of him. You loved and hated how smooth he could be sometimes, it made you weak at the knees. You find your voice after a moment.

“Who said I’m taking your name, sweetheart?” You sing-song as you walk away teasingly.

“Yah, wait!” Jeonghan calls after you but you keep going toward the ocean where your sister is already neck deep in.

You stand at the shoreline, the waves lapping at your feet, ready to run in and dive into the cool water, anticipating the shock to your system. As you’re about to head in, you spot your sister’s head bobbing determinately back towards you. She emerges from the water, stomping quickly back up the beach to where you’d left your towels and stuff, the beach rather empty since it was a week day and hardly anyone was around. (The perks of being exorcists included a flexible schedule.)

“What’s wrong?” You say as you watch her go past you. You decide to follow at a distance since she might be on some kind of post-ice cream-deprivation rampage. She heads straight to the cooler full of ice where you kept some bottled water and you stare as she chucks out the bottles onto the towels and lifts the cooler-

And then empties it over Jeonghan’s head, the ice pouring out over his unsuspecting figure. He yelps in surprise as the cold washes over him and you cringe away, hissing as you imagined the feeling.

“‘Heads I win, tails you lose?’” She cries, outrage seeping out of every pore. “Yoon Jeonghan, you absolute conman!”

“What? You agreed to the terms.” Jeonghan kneels, picking out ice from his hair and shaking it out onto the sand.

“I almost fucking died!” She huffs.

“Alright, I’ll buy it next time, jeez, kiddo.” He throws his hands up in surrender. Your sister backs off slightly, putting the cooler down but you notice Jeonghan’s hands lowering to the sand and-

You sigh, knowing what’s coming-

He picks up some unmelted and now sandy, mushed pieces of ice and slush and hefts them in your sister’s direction while she’s not looking. She feels when they bounce off her skin and she turns around, murder in her eyes.

“Yah, Yoon Jeonghan!!!” She cries, the accusation clear in her tone. Jeonghan laughs cutely, or more accurately annoyingly if you didn’t love him, and sprints away, with your sister following closely behind.

Sometimes you really felt like you were the only adult present. This was one of those times. Between your sister and Jeonghan, you didn’t know who’d win but you let them sort it out themselves, shrugging and lying back down to pick up your book.

They’ll chill out.

Eventually.  

*

Seven - present day

Time doesn’t flow where you are.

Your soul is left in limbo; there are currents of energy keeping you afloat even though your body and physical presence is long gone. You exist in the in-between of the world you knew and the one you should be headed to soon.

And yet, even here, you see what you’ve left behind. There’s brief moments where you may put enough energy together to make your ghostly presence appear. It’s enough to see that time has passed and that if there’s any possibility of you letting go of this world, you must do it soon.

You’ve been holding on too long.

Judging from Jeonghan’s face when he comes to your grave and the way his breath frosts in front of him, it must be your death anniversary. The remains of your consciousness knew that much; the details of your death and that you’d died in winter.

He stands alone, shivering in his long coat. You’d seen him recently, that time you managed to materialise at home and he’d look at you with those big eyes of his, the sadness breaking the memory of what your heart was. All you’d wanted then is to wrap yourself around him and to tell him that you’re sorry, but you couldn’t. Of course you couldn’t-

You were dead.

He’d brought you flowers, white lilies that you’d told him were beautiful once. He placed them on top of the grey marble of your grave stone. Your sister hadn’t given him a key to the compartment underneath, so he couldn’t place them inside to shelter them from the wind and rain.

You wondered if she would come by too. Deep down, in the remnants of your consciousness knew that she would. You just had to hold on until then with the little energy your ghostly form had left. You were dissipating faster than you’d thought.

You watch as Jeonghan removes the ring from his finger, one of his protective talismans coming off smoothly and he leaves it on the marble next to the flowers. You know immediately what he’s trying to do. His necklace follows and for once you don’t resist being sucked into someone else’s body. You didn’t have the energy to resist right now.

You knew he couldn’t exorcise you alone - the only possibility for self-exorcism was with a demonic presence, not a normal spirit - so that’s not why he was doing it.

Your spirit slams into Jeonghan and suddenly you can’t see the outside world anymore, only darkness. Pitch black in all directions, the world in limbo transformed into a place deep in Jeonghan’s subconscious. You had no idea this was actually possible. Is this what every ghost saw when they entered a medium’s body? Were they even conscious like you were? Perhaps not.

You will every particle of energy of your body to materialise if you could in this empty space.

Suddenly there’s a strange glow all around you and the world fleshes out, your surroundings becoming real and recognisable once again. You find yourself at that beach, confused that in Jeonghan’s consciousness, this was where he wanted to go to.

Of course you knew why; this was a reminder of a different time, a much happier time.

The glow of your ghostly form shimmers into the air around you and you realise that even here, you’re just a ghost. A collection of energy and nothing more. Some distance away, you spot Jeonghan. He’s standing on the shoreline, the waves almost lapping at his feet.

Then he turns to you and you know he sees you as clearly as you see him.

It’s difficult to stay like this, you realise, your energy is weak and you feel like any moment you might disappear. Jeonghan perks up as he sees you, tripping over himself in the darkness so he could run toward you.

“YN!” He yells out. The echo resonated through the chamber of his mind and try your best to move forward. It feels like you’re wadding through cement and you want to reply so badly but your mouth is almost glued shut.

Since it’s his subconscious and you’re just a ghost, Jeonghan moves freely but you stay stuck still. You don’t think you’ll be able to do much, your body gone and energy already failing.

Suddenly Jeonghan is face to face with you and if you could really move, you’d throw yourself into his arms. But you can’t.

“YN, I can’t believe it worked.” He says, somehow breathless though he didn’t physically run. You look at him, trying to talk with your eyes even if you couldn’t say anything. He seems to understand and his face falls a little. “I looked up a ritual but I didn’t think it would work.” He continues. “I just…” He doesn’t seem to be able to find the words, his eyes filling with tears. “I wanted to see you so badly.” He whispers.

You imagine your own eyes are welling up. You reach out, wanting to touch Jeonghan’s cheek and your surprise, your arm follows your will. Your ghostly form feels more solid all of a sudden and your mind springs immediately to what ritual Jeonghan was talking about. Could you be able to gather a more physical presence just for a moment?

Your hand stretches up and you feel his cheek, warm underneath your fingertips.

“Hannie,” You try using your voice. At least your mouth moves, you feel it move; this wasn’t like the times you could materialise is the real world. This was different entirely and you’re incredibly aware that you can feel again. “Hannie!” You try again. This time sound comes out, it’s quiet but it’s there, right there in the vast darkness you find yourselves in.

Jeonghan leans into your touch, clearly being able to feel something too. His hand comes to cover yours, gently holding it against his cheek.

“I missed you so much.” He whispers. “Everything feels so wrong without you.” He says, the tears spilling from his eyes. It’s enough to spring an ache in your chest and it feels like you’re feeling what he must be feeling.

“I’m so sorry, Hannie.” You manage, your voice so quiet and distant even in the tiny space between you. “I shouldn’t have left you. It’s all my fault.” Jeonghan shakes his head helplessly.

“Don’t. We don’t have much time.” He says, sniffling. “I need to tell you something. I’ve been looking for answers for all these years, and I can finally finish what we started, my love. I’m sure of it. I wanted to do it so I could avenge your death and you could finally rest.”

“Hannie, there’s nothing to avenge. I did this, no one else. It’s not your fault, please stop blaming yourself. Please, sweetheart.” You beg him through shinning eyes. You knew he’d never want to admit your arrogance or your mistakes but it was true. You hadn’t even known yourself back then, had never realised where your faults truly lie. “The reason I’ve been here is because I couldn’t let go. I didn’t want to leave you and my sister just yet, but now, I think I can. Because I know you’ll be okay, I know you’ll make it through this together. Promise me the two of you will look after each other.”

“I promise.” Jeonghan says without hesitation, swallowing back tears. “I promise, YN.”

“I have to let you go, Hannie, so you should let me go too. Go, and live, and love. Promise me you’ll live enough for the both of us.” You felt like you were about to disappear, your voice getting weaker as you went on. “Please.” You whispered as your spirit started to dissipate. “I love you, always.” You said finally, knowing those would be your last words before you disappeared.

You watched as Jeonghan’s face crumbled and he was saying something through the tears, the sound dying as you swished away and were expelled from his subconscious but you knew what he’d said:

“I love you, forever.”  

A/N: thanks for reading!! feedback is always appreciated <3 ughh i’m sorry i took an age to write this since uni’s been kicking my ass lately but it’s not all bad i promise, i will keep going with the fic as much as i can since we’re sorta in the home stretch now, i hope you do stick around for the ending, your support means the world, thank you for your patience, love y’all <333

*

Edit: i saw this in relation to Hannie's part time job mention above and i had to add it haha

*copyright 2021- © momobani

[casmick-consequences]

just finished season 4 of hsmtmts and i have THOUGHTS

also it's high time i change this profile pic lol whoops

ok so..... i'm (mostly) just gonna talk about the ashlyn&big red storylines throughout the season because that was just..... a lot to unpack.

was i hopeful that they were gonna make it? the tiniest bit. but was i more convinced that they would probably break up? ....yeah. And I'm actually completely fine with their breakup bc of them growing apart or whatever but I do not agree with the way that they had to go about it.

having big red AND seb cheat on their respective partners is THE most OOC writing this show's had so far, like.... did we watch the same show??? What the hell? Not just on Big Red's side but also on Seb's! Wasn't Seb the one that got pissed at Carlos for "flirting" with random guys during his vacation? And then you make him do this?!

Imho it just feels incredibly forced. I get it, Madlyn was gonna be endgame, but you didn't have to force a "i cheated bc i was figuring out my sexuality" storyline for it to happen. The last conversation these two had, Red LITERALLY said "i know more than ever that you are the one for me" and the next scene they have it's like "we've been growing apart for a while now"?????? ugh it just irks me but whatever

i DO however like how Madlyn was handled. I think between them everything just went very naturally and very cute, like they were dancing around eachother with googly eyes and it was adorable. And i did clap when they kissed, they both deserve it <3 and i'm always team gay in hindsight, i just REALLY wanted to believe in redlyn bc (esp in the first 2 seasons) they remind me a lot of me and my partner, which I'm just gonna have a natural bias towards.

Also..... Andy?????? Ok sure. Yay for Big Red getting his big gay enemies to lovers arc at the literal last minute, even though it came out of nowhere and, again, kind of felt forced. But all that aside, it's nice seeing Larry and Andrew's characters get together, knowing that they're very good friends in real life. It must've been a lot of fun for them to film, too.

Idk, I just feel like they completely mistreated Big Red's character this season, which irks me seeing as he's my (quite obvious lol) favorite character in the show. But oh well, what can you do?

All that aside, let's get a bit more positive seeing as it WAS a very entertaining season to watch, and I LOVE the songs this season as well (the Halloween song is instantly going in my playlist)

The ending made me bawl my eyes out as well, with Gina's speech to everyone as well as Ricky crying which never fails to make ME cry, JENN AND BEN FINALLY GOT TOGETHER THANKGODDD, and they went to DENNY'S :'''''')

+++ it was very gay so it gets a lot of stars in my book

i'll miss east high so so so much :')

[aspaceformyself]

BL/QL Ask Game : The Ugly, the Bad and the Worst

Thank you to @nieves-de-sugui for the tag!! I love these games. I'll try to do my best!

Worst soundtrack / weirdest song choice in a BL To be very honest I don't remember a lot of the soundtracks in BLs that I watch unless it really catches my attention. But, although this is not a track or a song, I will talk about weird sound effects or background scores that I remember. And if I'm not wrong it's probably, "Love by chance", for me or even Tharn type. I remember cringing to the point I couldn't carry on sometimes. Like at some parts, the score felt like it could be out of a cheap porno. I do not know if it's by design or if it just happened to be there. But Ugh.

Most cringe-inducing line (cute) I actually do not remember these much.

Most cringe-inducing line (actually bad) I agree with the little me's.

Most stupid decision made by a character It's been a while since I watched BLs and hence can't remember all the characters I internally screamed at, but there are a bunch of characters who made stupid decisions.

Worst plot line I'm sorry it's entire Tharn Type for me. I'm sure there are worse but what was the author even thinking? I'm sorry a TharnType hater here.

The most problematic show you've watched Also Tharn type. I cannot even begin to explain in words how much I hate that show. Like I have never rooted for two characters to not end up together as much as I have for Tharn and Type. Like, the dudes are incredibly toxic to each other and need loads of therapy before they even think of relationships. And the season two just made it even worse. They still need therapy. The author needs to rethink a load of things. Specially maybe at least do some research on CSA and how that impacts a person and then maybe write about it, instead of using it as a plot line. Ugh, that made me so mad.

A show people love but you find bad uhhhhh, I'm not too sure, but Cutie pie? I don't hate it but I don't think it's too good either. I just found it incredibly boring. It had a good start but man I couldn't keep up. It just kept dragging to no end. It was wild to see how many people enjoyed it.

A show people find bad but you will defend I agree with Utsukushii Kare.

A show that is just objectively bad but you enjoyed it I can't think of any.

A bad show that you kept watching because you were intrigued/fascinated Can't think of any either

A bad show that you kept watching because you were horny Can't think of any xD

A bad show that you kept watching because of that one character Can't think of any either xD

A bad show that you would still recommend I agree with My Day. It was hilarious

The character that ruined a show the most Thua from the Eclipse. The show was going great until the writer did what they did with Thua and he still got to face absolutely zero consequences for that.

Most awful character that you hated Thua from The Eclipse. I'm sorry I don't get how people defend him, he's awful.

Most awful character that you loved Agree with Aoey from Lovely writer

A character that wasn't awful but that you just don't like Not a huge fan of Kawi from Be My Favorite. But I don't hate him.

A hero that should have been a villain I can't think of any

A morally bad character you're into Not sure

A morally bad character you're not into and you wish people would stop being into Agree with Boston. I haven't watched Only Friends yet as I'm waiting for it to finish airing because I'm incapable of waiting a whole week for an episode to be out. But I'm keeping track of the storyline out of morbid curiosity. And yeah, Boston, I'm surprised people are even into him.

The show that disappointed you the most Cutie Pie and A Boss and a babe. Both started out incredibly promising but fizzled out as they came to an end. Both had similar problems. They both dragged out and I lost interest towards the end.

The Worst Show of Them All Because of Your Own Reasons Tharn type and What the duck. I mostly sat through Tharn Type because it dealt with topics that were personal to me but ended up absolutely pissed off because of it. I watched What the duck just to see how much worse it could get xD

This was a fun game! We should now do the same for the good BL's!

[theharrowing]

Did you read the new Yoongi Weverse article? It kinda talks about the D-DAY concert in terms of stage, setlist, and the vcrs. I was surprised that the chain hands in the background is Suga watching Suga. The reference to “first love” with the “brown piano”. WHY WASNT FIRST LOVE IN THE SETLIST?! 😭 I LOVE THAT SONG! It makes sense that it probably doesn’t fit in the overall storyline of the setlist but damn😢 I also can’t believe they weren’t sure about adding songs from the “Agust D” album. “The Last” is essential! It never fails to make me emotional. The shoulder grab 😢 The walk away is fitting. But it’s kinda sad to not have an official goodbye at the end of a concert. I love the ending ment Yoongi does though. He’s a cute tease lol

OMG MAPLELEEEAAAFFFF!!!!!🍁💜

you have once again fallen victim to responses getting lost in drafts. 😶😶😶 i think i went off to find images of the agust d/gimme more cgi to add to this response and then never came back. i am very flightly sometimes.

anyway, yes, i did catch that it was the creepy cgi version of himself watching and toying with the stage during the second and third nights when i was watching from up in the seats. so cool. he's so cool.

ANYWAY, here is what i wrote before i so rudely interrupted myself: AHHHH I LOVED THE ARTICLE. I LOVE YOONGI. I MISS THE D-DAY TOUR SO MUCH. 😩😭🥺😍 honestly, i love First Love, but i wasn't surprised that it was missing because it doesn't really match the vibe, overall? although!!! with a live band, he could have done anything to make it match the vibe, and i'm sure if he had included it, it would have been awesome. i personally really wanted to scream sing 28, but i was still very pleased with what i got.

i was actually very surprised to see The Last. a friend was saying she hoped he would play it and i was like "hmmm idk that one seems almost too personal..." but it fit PERFECTLY and GOD it was such a magnetic way to end the set. i remember seeing clips from it and being liek WHAT THE FUCK WHATTHEFUUUUUUUCCCCKK!!!!!!! i think it is perfect the way he did it, with doing some ending stuff between D-Day and Nevermind, introducing the band and dancers, and taking their bows then. i find it pulls me kind of out of the mood when they stop at the end to talk, so seeing him end on a powerful note and walk off was just asldjaslkdjalskjdaslda ugh so fucking perfect. i love him so much. everything about that set was so fucking good, and i could watch it again and again. 🥺🥺🥺

i really love having the chance to read about his thoughts and the plans, and hearing how the stage directors were planning. it was kind of clear to me, after a few watches, that they were stripping everything bare and that the fire was "burning everything away" in a way, and i loved hearing in their words what the plan was. it was so cool. i used to photograph live events, and i have seen well over 200 concerts, and i have never seen anything like that. 💜💜💜