#he’s not stupid exactly but can be very naive and doesn’t understand relationships very well

[kami-kun1003]

TWST fic writers stop reducing Silver’s entire personality to just “sleepy boy who falls asleep all the time and is sooooo sleepy and tired and did i mention he sleeps a lot and also he loves his dad” challenge (impossible) (gone wrong)

[amethystroselily]

Dazai’s relationship with Kunikida is so interesting actually, because its kind of entirely built on lies and there’s always this weird emotional distance there, but also… that doesn’t seem to be a bad thing in the context of their relationship? Like, it almost seems to be out of respect and affection on Dazai’s part, if that makes sense.

Also I think that relationship stresses the fuck out of Kunikida but he still cares about Dazai (and does find him quite impressive and almost charming in the light novels) , but it might honestly be very comforting from Dazai’s perspective. They have this consistent jokey rapport with each other that usually never actually gets too close to genuine vulnerability or intimacy. Dazai can be whoever he wants to be with Kunikida. Kunikida’s not stupid, but he is a little bit naive and gullible at times, and Dazai’s a good enough liar to pull off any facade he wants. He can be a good person with Kunikida if he wants to be.

And while I don’t think he entirely agrees with Kunikida’s ideals, I do think he respects that Kunikida is so dedicated to them. (Maybe it reminds him of Oda? Or well it’s probably more like Dazai finds people having strict moral codes novel and endearing, because he also seems fond(?) when Hirotsu, Chuuya, and Ango express basic empathy or loyalty.) I think being that close to such intense righteousness makes him feel like he himself isn’t as I guess… hated by righteousness? Even if he has to lie a bit to get there.

People always compare it to his relationship with Chuuya and say it’s lacking in comparison or that it’s better. But honestly I think they’re two equally important relationships that serve two different purposes in Dazai’s life. I’d say his relationship with Chuuya is a lot more intimate and a lot less comforting. Kind of like how you can love someone without fully liking them. But not exactly. They know just a bit too much about each other and were pitted against each other just a bit too often as teenagers for it to ever be a truly positive relationship. But there’s definitely some deep affection and understanding there, and they both hate that.

Although I would also argue that Kunikida has expressed just enough emotional vulnerability throughout their partnership for it to be kind of uncomfortable for him in how one sided it is. Like Dazai knows so much about him, but Dazai’s an enigma to him. I think that’s what Dazai likes about their relationship and what Kunikida finds annoying about it.

[undreaming-fanfiction]

Piece by Piece: Halfway Happy

I’m just posting the fic here instead of the former link because god, mobile Tumblr hates me. 

Fandom: Stranger Things Rating: T (for now, huehuehue) Pairing: Steddie Category: Established relationship, trauma, healing, domestic fluff  Series summary: Healing doesn't happen at once, it is like a puzzle, a mozaic, piece by piece. Steve excels at shoving those broken pieces under the nearest carpet and pretending they don't exist. Eddie excels at finding them and returning them to Steve, glued back together. A series of standalone moments from Steve and Eddie's relationship and how Steve learns to be cared for. Chapter 1 summary: Steve collects responsibilities like stupid porcelain figurines and his most recent one is fixing Eddie’s eating habits. Eddie hates being told what to do, but maybe, just maybe there could be a potential compromise. 

You can also read it HERE.

You will see a lot of parentheses in this fic. The reason? The POV is Eddie's and I see him as a guy whose ideas have a mind of their own and he has to chase and redirect them at least once or twice a sentence. I hope you understand and forgive me. I swear it's intentional.

This will have multiple chapters (M rating for the future ones), most of them standalone, but tying into the topic of Steve's tendency to carry all the weight of the world on his shoulders and Eddie's disregard for his own safety and well-being.

Anyway.

Chapter 1: Halfway Happy

This isn't right. Why does he feel responsible for this again?

Eddie really should have noticed some signs sooner, but that was the thing with Steve Harrington. He had many talents, some more surprising than others, but sneakiness and being inconspicuous with his feelings weren't exactly among those (perhaps because Steve didn't know what "inconspicuous" means. Big words and all that). He was almost painfully honest and transparent, which - and past Eddie would have gagged for only thinking this - made him a perfect company for someone as paranoid and twitchy as Eddie. How could you feel unsafe around a man who couldn't lie to save his life? How could you suspect that he was hiding something? Then again, and Eddie would kick himself mentally for months for missing that, Steve hiding something out of concern for others was very much like him. Always self-sacrificing, even when it was no longer necessary.

Eddie himself was, self-admittedly, full of shit and he loved riling people up with the most outrageous things imaginable, but also loved fantasy and if you twisted his arm, very firmly, preferably with Steve whispering tiny encouragements into his ear and mouthing at his neck, he might have admitted (quietly, very quietly, and then deny it till his dying day) that he was an idealist. His father had tried his very best to extinguish that tiny flame of hope in him, repeated ad nauseam that "there is no good or bad in this world, everything you want you need to take yourself. Concern is for weaklings," he told little Eddie when the boy turned worried eyes at a toy left in the backseat of the car they were just stealing and, in his naive youth, asked whether the family will be okay when they have a kid to take care of. "No one is going to give you anything, so grow up."

Well, turns out his dad didn't know shit, because Steve Harrington, the former King of Hawkins and now his (how did this happen to him, the freak, Eddie Munson? How did he of all people end up with the hottest man in Hawkins, and, more importantly, someone who had no idea what Mordor was?!) boyfriend had just waltzed into his life, bit a demobat or two, threw himself into another dimension again and again, either with a bat or stupidly unarmed, while babysitting a group of annoyingly lovable brats. To top that, he nursed Eddie back to health when Vecna's attempt at resurrection didn't go exactly as he'd intended (a fuck-up in life, death and resurrection, no surprises there) and...

He never asked for anything.

Never.

Steve was just giving, giving anything and everything, food, shelter, advice, hugs, kisses...more. Eddie sometimes dreamt of taking Steve to see his dad in prison, just have Steve stand there, the hair and everything, while Eddie would display him as the most precious treasure in the world and yell at his dad "HOW DO YOU EXPLAIN THIS, HUH?!"

So yeah, the idealism. Eddie loved fantasy and felt like Steve was a full party in one delicious package - a protective warrior, ready to face any danger with a bat in his hand to keep his loved ones safe (did Eddie count? He hoped so. He'd have to ask Steve just in case. And if Steve started a new habit out of it, saying "I still love you, by the way, if you were wondering" in the most random moments, Eddie didn't mind at all). A hilarious bard, always cheering up the rest of the group (mostly unintentionally, although Eddie suspected he sometimes accentuated his stupidity to lighten the mood). A caring healer, always there after a battle, his gentle hands making sure that Eddie's injuries were clean, well-treated.  A mage...well, the Harrington charm had to count as a spell. It just does, there's no other explanation for the things Steve's voice did to Eddie. Steve was, to put it simply, just everything.

And he was so good at that everything that it took Eddie embarrassingly long to notice that, maybe, Steve really didn't know how to relax. A full party in a single person, so self-reliant that he didn't really get why anyone else would take over any of his responsibilities.

The first time Eddie noticed something was off was when they were watching a movie together. It was a wonderfully domestic scene - Eddie slumped against Steve, beer in hand, head thrown back with barks of laughter as Steve valiantly (and ineffectively) pretended to be an expert on recent video releases and their significance in the grand scheme of things (or the film world). Well, not really pretended, Eddie was pretty sure Steve understood how fruitless that would be, but somehow they got into a bickering match on how useless Steve was at his job at Family Video when he had absolutely zero idea about movies, genres and all that jazz (he also had no taste, Eddie claimed, and he'd die to another demobat swarm before he'd admit that watching romantic comedies was way more palatable when Steve leaned into his shoulder, gentle smile on his lips, unaware his hand was squeezing Eddie's tighter during love confessions and happy endings). Steve - of course - denied this and proclaimed he was an expert on bullshitting his way through any and all unknown topics, that his charm and quick tongue (Eddie snorted and wiggled his eyebrows at that and Steve smacked him with a pillow) would save his ass again and again. He offered to prove it and asked Eddie to choose a movie to recommend to an imaginary customer.

And that was how they got to this moment, with Steve describing the progressive character tropes and psychological merit of The Nightmare on the Elm Street. Not even ten seconds in and Eddie was howling in laughter at his insistence on how the movie poses a challenge to look beyond the physical defects and into the soul of the villain. Eddie mused that Steve had maybe seen a picture of Freddy Krueger and used that single image for a full-blown (and fully misguided) moral argument. And while his confident claims were absolutely and outrageously ridiculous, he couldn't help but listen, watch Steve's animated expressions, his free hand gesticulating to convey the importance of how we need to let go of our biases.

"Okay, okay, I yield, Harrington," Eddie wheezed and wiped tears from his eyes, grinning at Steve. "You are an excellent employee. The best if you want to get someone to watch a movie."

Steve grinned back and pulled Eddie closer to him. "Told you. The Harrington charm."

"I just wouldn't want to be there when your customers come back after actually watching what you rented them. I mean. The lecture was great, 10/10. But you know it's a slasher, right?"

Steve shook his head. "Well, duh. But even slashers can have those...you know. Overtones. Maybe the poor scarred claw guy just needs some understanding or something." He winked at Eddie. Winked. With those ridiculously thick lashes and all. The asshole.

"Now that's settled, we definitely need to watch it and see what you think of Mr. Krueger afterwards," Eddie laughed and nuzzled closer to Steve, his ringed fingers playing with the other man's t-shirt.

It had become quiet, just warmth and shared touches, and Eddie found himself relaxing, his mind at peace. That is, until his stomach gave a quiet growl, nothing major, nothing to be nervous about. All stomachs do that sometimes.

So why was Steve staring at him with that look, the one he gave to the kids when he found out they were up to some dangerous bullshit again and hadn't bothered to tell him?

"Are you hungry?"

Eddie waved his hand. "Nah, I'm fine, man. Don't worry about it."

But of course, Steve did worry about it. That was the whole thing about Steve. Caring and absolutely relentless. The deep breath he took warned Eddie that this would be yet another bickering match that he would, eventually, lose. Didn't mean he would go down easily though.

Steve frowned and put some distance between them, just enough to observe Eddie's face closely. Does he expect a sign saying THIS YOUNG MAN IS STARVING or something?  "You sure? Because you haven't eaten anything normal today-"

Ah, there it was. The battle had begun. Eddie cocked his head to the side and put on his best offended face. "Excuse me! That box of cereals didn't eat itself!"

"It had been almost empty."

"And now it's completely empty!" Eddie grinned. "Hence, I ate."

But Steve was not amused. Or even remotely convinced. "Something nutritious?"

"Uhhh..." Okay, that was a tough one. "The box said so...?" Eddie tried, using his doe eyes to the fullest advantage (and failing spectacularly because while his eyes normally had Steve stuttering and forgetting the topic of their conversation or sometimes even his own - but never Eddie's - name, the caring and protective side of him just wouldn't switch off).

Steve shook his head. "The box is a filthy liar."

Eddie grasped at his chest dramatically, throwing himself back against the sofa. "That traitor. The fiend! I really thought I could trust him! Or it. I think it. That sounds more devious, don't you think, Stevie?"

And of course, Harrington just wouldn't get off his back. Eddie didn't do well with people telling him what to do, he'd normally flip them off and leave, but Steve's earnest voice, the please-let-me-care-for-you-or-I-will-be-miserable look in those eyes, the long fingers gently stroking Eddie's arm through the t-shirt...he could never just push the man away.  He wondered if Steve realized how special he was to Eddie, to go through this dance every so often and never throw up his hands, say "fuck that!" and leave the door at the slightest bump in the carpet.

Steve just twisted in his seat more, watching Eddie with a gentle smirk. "You need something proper, Eddie. Something that's not just sugar and artificial coloring. Plus, it's sort of a fast energy thing, it goes up and then down really quickly-"

"Makes it a good fit for me," Eddie quipped.

"- and your stomach's been singing me serenades-"

Munson threw up his hands in defense. "Baby, all of me wants to serenade you and have you let down your beautiful hair from the tower Harrington. Can't blame my stomach for that."

It was quiet for a second and then: "...Eddie."

He swallowed heavily, his throat suddenly tight. "...yes, Steve?"

Eddie didn't want to look up, didn't want to see that he was, yet again, causing worry to the most precious person in his life, but then there were warm hands on his own, intertwining their fingers. His eyes met Steve's as he prepared for the inevitable loss.

"Can I please," Steve said, his voice serious and his hand squeezing Eddie's more tightly than should be necessary, "can I please get you something. Just a sandwich or...or I can heat up something, it doesn't matter. So please...will you let me?"

Ah, there it was. Even more effective than the Harrington charm. Eddie sighed and reached out, stroking Steve's face gently. "If it makes you feel better, then yes."

And just like that, Steve smiled, radiant and content, and Eddie found himself thinking he'd eat dozens of sandwiches to keep that expression on his boyfriend's face forever. Not much of a sacrifice, really. All his cooking was delicious, even the simplest things tasted so much better than most things Eddie ever ate (although that might be saying more about Eddie's disregard for something as mundane as food).

The realization came a bit later, when Eddie started happily munching on a sandwich. Steve was still smiling, but his expression slightly dropped.

"Whut?" Eddie hummed at him, trying to keep his chewing noises down. "It's really good, if you're worried about that."

Steve shook his head. "No, not that. Although I'm happy you like it. It's just...I'm sorry I didn't realize sooner. That I should have prepared something."

That had Eddie staring back at him, mid-chew, forgetting to swallow. "Um." Oh yeah, the bread. Gulping down the rest, he gave an incredulous chuckle. "Steve, I'm older than you, you know that, right? I'm pretty sure that I won't starve to death if you decide to take a nap, watch a movie or something. I managed to survive until now after all."

"Barely," and ow, that one hurt. Because while Eddie went for a teasing tone, Steve's betrayed what he really thought. The constant worry, the smell of blood and toxic spores that would stay with them forever.

And yes, Eddie disliked, hated, abhorred when people had the audacity to try and change him, when they wanted him to act against his nature. The logical thing would have been to say something along the lines of I don't answer to you, Harrington, and I'm not a fucking child you need to watch 24/7. That would be the pre-Vecna Eddie. And in a way, he still felt that way, he still had that rebellious streak (or two, three, a dozen). But there was also this, the love, warmth, laughter and discussion on hidden kindness of Freddy Krueger, and even if he lashed out sometimes and spoke too fast and maybe had to explain himself while his hands travelled in the weirdest patterns to illustrate his point, he would go to the hell and back (again) to keep all that. To keep Steve.

The post-Vecna Eddie just sighed, ate the rest of his sandwich in one bite and scooted towards Steve who was now avoiding his gaze, staring intently at his feet as if there was an incredible show happening just to the left of his sock. "Hey."

Nope, the sock was still more interesting than what Eddie had to say. "I know it's stupid," Steve muttered. "I'm not doubting you or anything, I know you can take care of yourself, but..." He left the rest unsaid. Eddie would be lying if he said he understood, because how did they even get here over a stupid stomach growl? But the magical lab girl El taught him an important word - compromise, apparently halfway happy - and maybe this was the right time to practice what it meant.

"I'll tell you what, big boy," smiled Eddie and the change in tone finally made Steve abandon his floor watching. "I promise that I'll be more conscious of the proper and nutritious food thing if that makes you feel better. But! Please, for the love of all your nuggets and then some," and Steve snorted at this and that might have been just the small push Eddie needed, "never think my less than ideal habits are your fault. I mean, I think they're absolutely fine, but you have," he waves his hands in the air, "standards. So, I propose an exchange."

"That sounds ominous," Steve mumbled, but there was a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth.

Eddie nudged his side. "Ominous! What a big word, I'm a proud man! Anyways. Your back is pretty fucked up, or so I hear every morning." Ignoring Steve's protests, he carried on. "If you let me help you with that, I swear on my guitar I will eat. Something. Nutritious," he spat out with feigned disgust.

He knew that Steve didn't really let anyone take care of him, that he was always restless, looking for something he could be doing for others. And Harrington was almost as stubborn as Eddie. He really, really struggled not to chew on his hair waiting for Steve's response.

"So...you're telling me that I get a massage and you start eating well?" Steve chuckled and the tension was gone, just like that. "You've got a deal. Seriously, Munson, where is the catch?" And if Eddie ended up in his lap even faster than usual, well. As if he needed excuses.

"Oh, baby," Eddie smiled against his mouth, "did I mention I'd get to pick the music to accompany that massage?"

"Well, shit."

....

Oh yeah, that small tidbit about a failed resurrection? A fanfic in planning. Yours truly can nowadays hardly write in her native language, not to mention English, so any corrections are welcome.

AS ARE COMMENTS. PLEASE. THEY ARE LIKE COFFEE TO MY TIRED SOUL. TALK TO ME. WAKE ME UP INSIDE. (Desperate Evanescence sounds)

Ahem.

[fanmoose12]

take me out (on a date)

Hange decides to set Levi up on some dates.

It doesn't go as well as she hopes.

"Levi!"

Hange bursts into his office, not waiting for an invitation to come in. Levi wouldn't have given it to her, but when Hange has ever listened to him?

The door bangs thunderously as she throws it closed, and then she moves further into the room, grabbing a chair and twisting it backwards to sit down. The grin on her face is positively mental, and at the back of his mind Levi wonders what exactly is wrong with him, because that smile doesn't faze him in slightest.

"I'm working, four-eyes," he grumbles, closing a tab with a video analysis of some movie he had never seen. "I don't have time for your shit."

"You'll want to hear it, Levi!" her voice is several octaves higher than Levi can tolerate, but Hange promptly ignores his angry scowl. "It will change your life!"

Last time Hange decided to change his life, his eyebrows got bleached.

Understandably, he isn't looking forward to another life changing experience, especially if it'll orchestrated by Hange.

But she doesn't seem to care if he's looking forward to it or not. She shoots up, almost sending poor chair tumbling to the floor, and starts pacing around the room.

"So! I must admit this thought had come to me completely out of sudden. I was in the middle of breakfast, you see, or, no- Wait! I was talking to Nifa! Or watching that new tv-show, you know the one where—"

"Four-eyes," Levi grits when his head starts spinning after watching her move back and forth across the room. "Get to the fucking point."

Hange stops for a second, to flash him an amused smile. "A little impatient, are we? I can understand it, yes... After all, what I'm offering—"

"Four-eyes!"

"Alright, alright!" Hange throws her hands into the air and resumes her pacing. Absentmindedly, Levi wonders how much coffee she has already consumed this morning.

"I guess, what I was doing doesn't really matter. What matters is what I've been thinking about. And I've been thinking about you."

Oh. This gets Levi's attention. It grips it tightly and doesn't let go. Here he thought Hange was going on about another experiment of hers or some other, equally annoying shit, but she has been thinking about him... Levi straightens his back and leans in, watching Hange more intently now.

"So I started thinking about you and it got me thinking, you know, about other people and stuff. And I know what you're going to say!" she furrows her eyebrows in expression Levi guesses should resemble his. Hange does a very poor job, though. He is almost sure he doesn't look that ridiculous. "I'm not people's person, four-eyes, I don't care about them," she says in as low voice as she can manage.

Levi is inclined to agree. He's not a people's person. He is however, a person's person. And his person is currently measuring his office with quick, jerky steps.

"But I think you're a bit wrong. Maybe, you don't like other people, but there are people who like you, so I thought, well, everyone deserve love, and you deserve it above everyone else, because you're so kind and very sweet, and really, really handsome, so I thought, well..." Hange turns to look at him, a faint blush coloring her cheeks.

Levi takes a sharp breath. This is it, he realizes. Hange is going to confess to him, a completely not pathetic crush that he was harboring for almost a decade now is finally going to be reciprocated.

His own office isn't the place he thought it was going to happen, but it's fine, he can work with that. He's having feelings for the craziest person he knows, so, really, a little bit of oddity is more than expected.

Levi is already thinking how should he answer that confession - should he tell Hange he feels the same or would a simple kiss suffice, when Hange moves to his desk. She places her hands onto the wooden surface and looms over him with a wide, excited smile. Levi's lips pull in a smile of his own.

"That's why, Levi," she says. "I will help you to find your love! Or, well," Hange adds, while Levi is too busy having a goddamn stroke because why was he, oh why, was he so naive in thinking that Hange would act normal for once? That she would stop being so oblivious and dumb? That she would clean those stupid glasses of hers and finally see what she's doing to him? But Hange doesn't see, even now, she's too blinded by her new, thrilling idea to notice his disappointed, fallen face. "If that doesn't work, at least, it’ll help you to get laid! That stick up your ass, it got so deep, I don't think it's healthy."

Hange starts laughing, too amused by her own stupid joke, and Levi thinks, if that's who you've fallen for? Then you've fallen so low, Levi...

But what can he do? He's fallen and he doesn't think he will be able to get up.

But with a help of someone else, with a strong, steady hand he'll be able to get up from the bottom he's currently buried at.

The idea is as stupid as Hange is, and it's as hopeless as his crush on her, but what he has to lose now?

***

That's how he finds himself in a small Chinese restaurant with Hange sitting across from him. He'd enjoy his evening, he'd entertain the idea that it almost looks like a date, if Hange wasn't wearing such serious expression, her eyes scanning him up and down as though he's a new mouse she decides to experiment at.

"Alright," she declares, turning around to get her backpack. She pulls out a notebook, and with a sense of growing dread, Levi sees her open it at the page that is already full with notes.

"After our little conversation, I asked around a bit..." she mutters, not looking up from a notebook. "I found a couple of friends who are single, but let's start with someone we both know for now..."

The feeling of dread is almost overwhelming now, because Levi is sure what will follow is going to be one of the worst conversations in his life.

"So! Let's start, shall we?" she grips the pen in her fingers tightly and turns the entirety of her attention to him. "What do you think about Mike?"

Levi chokes on a soup he was eating.

"What the fuck, four-eyes?" he hisses. "He's huge!"

Hange pouts. "You don't have to take it straight to bed, you know…"

His face burns and, as the images of him and that giant together enters his mind, Levi wants nothing more than to gag. He kicks Hange under the table in retaliation, making her yelp and rub her ankle.

"He's twice my height, you perverted dipshit. I would look like a brat next to him."

"Not one for daddy's kink, eh?" Hange mutters with that insufferable grin of hers, and Levi kicks her again. "Fine, fine, could have just said no. Mike was actually weirded out by my offer too, I just asked to see if he's your type or not."

"He's not," Levi grits, furious, because his type is sitting right across him in ridiculous oversized shirt and dirty glasses. How low has he fallen...

"I guess I can cross Erwin out as well. Alright!" Hange chirps. "What about Moblit?"

At that, Levi's mood almost lifts. It's good to know his feelings are not the only ones that completely go over Hange's head.

He can just imagine it too, both of them - he and Moblit - getting drunk in some shitty bar, united by their shared infatuation with irritating, absurdly oblivious four-eyed weirdo.

The image conjured by his mind is so pathetic, it almost sends him into a feat of self-pity.

"No," he tells Hange curtly, and she crosses another name.

"Alright, what about Gelgar?"

"He's a drunkard. Pass."

"Nanaba?"

"I've known her since childhood, she’s like a sister. Pass."

"Lynn?"

He doesn't remember who the fuck Lynn is, and so hesitates to give an answer. Hange takes it a sign of agreement, and giggles, writing something down in the notebook. "Got it... What about Gunter?"

"He's my subordinate," Levi reminds.

"And engaged," Hange winks. "But that wasn't what stopped you? Ah, you're naughty one, Ackerman."

And then, to his horror, Hange adds another note.

"And, last but not the least... What do you think about Nifa?"

"Um..."

"So another hit, eh?" Hange smiles so earnestly and brightly, Levi can't just find it in himself to disappoint her.

"Thank you for your cooperation," Hange winks again, closing the noteboor. "I'll analyze the data and set you up on a perfect date. Don't worry, Levi," Hange leans over the small table and covers his hand with hers. You've got to be kidding me, Levi thinks furiously, as his heart starts doing lambada in his ribcage. "I'll find someone you would like."

Look in the mirror, idiot, Levi wants to say, but lets out only a short annoyed grunt.

***

The next day, Erwin and Mike join him at lunch.

"Heard Hange decided to set you up on some dates," Erwin says, his head tilted and eyes curious.

Levi takes a mouthful of salad he brought from home, and nods.

"It's tough, man," Mike remarks.

"Yeah," Levi agrees, because, really, what else is there to say?

"It's interesting," Erwin declares, intrigued like he's reading about some obscure phenomenon or watches a discovery channel, and not observes the confusing relationship between two of his friends. "Something good may come out of it. Come, Mike," he stands up and Mike follows. "There is an urgent matter we need to discuss."

"Ah," Mike grins rather enigmatically. He shots Levi a sly look. "Don't let me down, Levi," he salutes him and then both of them are gone.

Levi's lunch is peaceful and uneventful for another minute.

And then Hange shows up and his chances at peace and quiet are promptly thrown out of the window.

***

The first person Hange sets him up with is Lynn. Levi still doesn't remember her, but decides to just roll with it. He knows her name and Hange had vaguely described her in the midst of her gushing and her reassurances that Levi would like her so much.

On the night of the supposed date, however, Hange shuffles inside his apartment, completely crestfallen. Levi entertains a thought - maybe, Hange had realized what a mistake she's doing, but then she falls on his coach, hand over face, and announces, "Lynn canceled your date. Apparently she didn't really know who you are," well, that makes two of them. "And today she saw you and she said you're not really her type," she sniffles, mumbling, "I'm so sorry, Levi..."

"It's fine," he says, and really, it is. He's actually relieved that the date is no longer happening.

Hange has a different opinion, of course.

"But Levi! I ruined your evening! You got all dressed up and now I've ruined it all." Hange shoots up to her feet, her face determined. "I'll make it better," she vows. "C'mon," she tugs at his arm. "I'll take you to the movies!"

*** Evening with Hange is so much better than a date with some Lynn could ever be.

They go to the dinner, eat horrible, greasy fries and down it all with disgustingly sweet milkshakes. They head to the movies next and Hange picks some dumb, action movie that Levi hates and she loves.

It’s quite boring, that movie, so Levi entertains himself by keeping his hand in a popcorn bucket, waiting for his and Hange's fingers to brush.

His heart races every time they do.

It’s almost a perfect evening, the only grievance Levi has is that the movie ends before he could throw his arm over Hange's shoulders.

But this little shortcoming is all but forgotten, when Hange offers to walk him home and then wraps her jacket over him.

Levi thinks about kissing her, about standing on his tiptoes and pressing his lips to her, when Hange declares, rather happily, "I found you another date, Levi! This one will show up, don't you worry!"

And the she bounces away, crushing all of his hopes and dreams.

***

His first real date is a man Hange describes as her university friend.

"Onyakopon is great!" she says. "He is getting his master's degree in aerodynamics and he's so funny! Handsome, too!"

"That's why you're undressing me right now?" Levi points out to her hands that pop open one, then another button on his shirt. Not that he minds, really, he wouldn't say no to Hange undressing him, but not before he has to go on a date with another person.

"You dress like an old man, Levi," she shakes her head, smoothing down the fine fabric. "You need to show them you're not just pretty face, but a rocking bod as well!"

Levi's face catches fire as Hange winks at him, and not for the first time, he wonders why the hell Hange has come up with this whole setting him up with someone shit, if she thinks he looks hot. Is his personality that repulsive to her? But then why she constantly hangs out with him?

Sometimes Hange is as easy to read as a children's book. And sometimes he can't understand her at all.

"Go get him, tiger!" she ruffles his hair and wishes him luck.

Sighing, Levi leaves his apartment.

***

At first, everything is awkward.

Onyakopon asks him questions - what is he doing for a living, what are his hobbies, and Levi gives him short, concrete answers, adding a weak "and you?".

Things pick up after Levi asks what Onyakopon is studying, and the evening is saved from being a complete disaster, when Onyakopon launches into a tale of why he loves aerodynamics so much.

He's handsome, Hange wasn't wrong with that. And he's passionate - his eyes are burning and his hands are flying around as he explains to Levi one concept or the other. Levi understands why Hange is friends with him, they're united by love for knowledge, although Onyakopon is lacking all of Hange's eccentricities.

The conversation shifts after Onyakopon asks him how he knows Hange.

"Co-workers," Levi mumbles, and adds a reluctant, "And you?"

Onyakopon's face breaks into a smile that is even brighter than the one he was sporting while talking about his studies. He starts talking about his and Hange's time in college, how much fun they were having in the lab, and Levi realizes that Onyakopon is yet another member of the pitiful I have a crush on Hange Zoe club and yet another victim of her obliviousness.

"Sorry," Onyakopon chuckles, hand on his neck. "I've got... carried away."

"No problem," Levi answers. "I understand."

"Hange is really one of a kind, right?"

"Unfortunately," Levi says, and both of them share a long, knowing look.

Onyakopon, all in all, isn't that bad. But when they say their goodbyes, there is no promise of another date. There is not even a vague "let's do this again sometime". But if Levi would ever find himself in too deep, when his stupid crush would make him go nearly insane, he knows just the guy to call and get drunk at a shitty bar. Onyakopon would be a great addition to Levi's and Moblit's pity party.

***

Hange is saddened when he tells her that there won't be a second date, but she is not yet ready to give up.

So she sets him up with a person who is very different from Onyakopon. Hange must have forgotten about his rule of no giant blondes because it's the perfect description of Yelena, who is, well, a giant blonde. She also looks like a psycho and even Hange warns him to be more careful with that one.

Ah, well. At least, she isn't in love with Hange. Quite the opposite, actually.

"Hange dated my ex," Yelena explains, skipping hellos, how are yous and other pleasantries. She is too straightforward even for Levi. She’s also incredibly intense. And not in an inspiring way like Erwin is or charming way how Hange is. Yelena is intense in a scary, uncomfortable way. Like a serial killer. "Now I want to date hers."

"I'm not Hange's ex," Levi frowns, wondering where Hange had found that weirdo. "What kind of person sets their ex up on a date?" he adds, feeling that it should be voiced out.

"I don't know," Yelena shrugs. "Probably the one who doesn't really care about that sort of thing. So you're not her ex?" she asks once again.

"No."

"Oh, alright. Good evening then," she raises up from a table, towering over Levi. "Fist steak here is really delicious," she says. "You should try it."

And then she is gone.

Levi stays and orders a steak. It really is good.

Just as he finishes it, he texts Hange,

this one was a psycho. she left after first five minutes

Hange replies with a crying emoji and vows to do better.

***

His next date is with Nifa, and somehow, probably because they already know each other, this date is the most enjoyable yet.

Nifa feeds him gossips about each member of their office, and some of them are actually funny enough to get a chuckle out of him. And when she tells him about that time when Erwin got his pants ripped right at his ass and Nifa walked in on Mike trying to sew them together, Levi loses it to the point of choking on his drink.

When he walks Nifa home, she gives him a tight hug.

"I had so much fun today..." she says, fumbling with the straps of her bag.

"But?" Levi softly prompts.

"But I actually agreed to this date because Hange had asked me. You see we have this little thing with Moblit..."

Ah. So even Moblit is moving on? Lucky bastard.

"I wish you the best then," he murmurs.

"Thank you," Nifa raises on her tiptoes, pressing a soft kiss to his cheek. "And Levi? Hange will get around."

He doubts she will, but he’s thankful for the kind words all the same.

***

What follows after that is the worst date of Levi's life.

Zeke is the guy Hange dated in college. The relationship lasted for no more than two weeks, yet Zeke seems immensely proud of his little achievement, mentioning it at every opportunity.

If that wasn't irritating enough, Zeke turns out to be arrogant, pompous and sneering jerk.

Levi accidentally pours his wine at Zeke's white shirt, and Zeke retaliates by kicking Levi's sheen when he goes to the bathroom, almost sending him face-first into the restaurant's carpet floor.

This almost leads to a fistfight that quickly gets resolved by Hange who appears out of nowhere. She calls Zeke a moron and sends him home. She turns to Levi then, apologizing for Zeke and promises to make it up to him. Levi doesn't really need it, just watching Zeke get scolded like that was more than enough to right any grievance he could have had, but then Hange offers to order takeout and watch movie at her place, and Levi thinks he's allowed to feel a little slighted.

The evening ends with Hange fast asleep on a couch and tucked into his side, and Levi wonders if he should agree to another date with Zeke, just so Hange could make it up to him again.

***

"She's cute, isn't she?" Hange shows him a picture of dark-haired, smiling woman, and Levi nods, absentmindedly. The woman is objectively pretty, but her appearance stirs up nothing inside him. "It's Pieck, she's great! Do you like her?"

"She's fine," he mutters, his attention more on the papers in front of him than on that Pieck and their upcoming date. The name is vaguely familiar, but Levi puts that thought aside, deciding to tackle it some other time.

"Then I'll tell her you're free on Saturday!" Hange announces and after swiftly ruffling his hair, she's out of the office, as spontaneously as she came.

*** Pieck Finger is even prettier in person. She has long dark hair and deep big eyes. She uses a walking stick and she's dressed in a colorful sundress.

They're slowly making their way through a museum, and Pieck quietly tells him about different parts of exhibition.

They've walked through two rooms, when Pieck apologizes and asks if they can sit down for a while. Levi leads her to the nearest bench and Pieck shoots him a grateful smile before sitting down.

"Pieck," she offers him her hand. "Hange's ex."

Ah, so that's how he knows her name.

Levi takes her hand in his, squeezing it just a little too tight. He doesn't know Pieck, never talked to her before their date, but she's Hange's ex. Levi can't help but dislike her just for that.

"Levi," he answers, letting go of her hand.

"Oh, I know," Pieck grins, whipping her hair. "Hange told me about you. A lot."

"Oh, right. Before our date."

Pieck chuckles at that, and then turns to the painting in front of them.

"Are you an artist?" Levi asks, taking note of the way her eyes trace every bit of the painting.

"Not really," she says. "But coming here calms me down. Do you have something like that, Levi? Something that calms you down?"

Cleaning, he wants to say. A good cup of tea, he wants to add. But then he remembers his last date, the hot rage he felt just by looking at Zeke. Tea didn't help him then. Neither did cleaning. It was Hange who came and conquered the storm inside him.

The revelation shouldn't be a revelation at all, he knows Hange for a decade now, he also knows just how important she is to him. Yet this discovery still gives him a pause, and it takes him some time to come back to his senses.

"Hange is something else, isn't she?" Pieck's gentle voice brings him back to reality. "She's like... an exquisite painting. She has the same uncanny ability to just draw people in."

Levi doesn't quite know what to say to this, but Pieck doesn't seem to expect an answer.

"But like some paintings, she can be really chaotic. She's too bright, she always feels too much... Don't fault her for having troubles with sorting it all out."

"I don't—" he wants to protest, but Pieck's knowing look silences him.

"We've dated for almost a year," Pieck says. "It's been fun and I was in love. I was also the one who broke up with her. Do you know why?"

Levi shakes his head. Hange never told him.

"And about me? Has she ever talked about me?"

"No," Levi answers. "She did not."

"Huh," Pieck hums, gripping her stick to slowly stand up. Levi thinks he offended her, but when Pieck looks at him again, there is a soft smile on her lips. She reaches out, lays a hand on his shoulder and gives it a gentle squeeze.

"And yet, she used to talk my ears off about you."

She leaves a second later, and Levi is too stunned to follow after her and ask what did her words mean.

***

The next date will be the last one, Levi decides. He's getting tired of pretending that he does it in attempt to move on from Hange, because it clearly isn't working.

"That's Petra," Hange explains as she shows him yet another photo. The girl in picture is attractive, and, what's more important, not even vaguely familiar, and that is certainly relieving. Maybe, this one isn't Hange's ex. "She's my cousin," Hange continues, confirming his guess. "Well, she's a very, very distant one, but cousin all the same. She was at my last year's birthday party, do you remember her?"

"Not really," he confesses. All he remembers about that day is being drunk on wine and on feeling of Hange's arm around his shoulders, as she dragged him from one guest to another.

"I don't really remember if I introduced the two of you, but she likes you. She was staring at you during the whole party, she says," she was? Levi didn't notice. Then again, he most probably was too busy staring at the cousin of Hange's cousin to see anyone else. "So, yeah, Petra is, um, excited about this date."

Hange doesn't look him in the eyes as she speaks and she fiddles with sleeve of her shirt almost anxiously. It makes Levi wonder - if Petra likes him so, why haven't Hange introduced them earlier?

"You will like her, I think," Hange says, strangely quiet. "I gave her your number, she'll call you in the evening. Em," she stands up from the desk and pats his shoulders. "Good luck, I guess," she gives him a smile that seems forced and doesn't reach her eyes.

Hange leaves his office quietly without looking back even once.

***

They go to the park. They walk around and Petra gathers flowers as she talks about her hobbies and life. Levi learns that she is a school teacher and she's good at violin. She tends to her old father and she dreams of going to Paris.

She is ridiculously adorable - petite and soft-spoken, she looks like a disney princess, the type that attracts butterflies on her fingers and joins in on birds' songs every morning.

Levi likes her, he thinks. Well, he certainly doesn't dislike her, which already makes Petra stand out from all of his previous dates. And he can work with that, has to work with that, because otherwise he'd have to admit his defeat, he'd have to surrender to the knowledge that he'll be in love with Hange Zoe until the end of his pitiful life.

Levi isn't ready to wave the white flag just yet, so he asks Petra on another date, and then another.

It's going well, he tells Hange and expects squeals, smug looks or, at least, sincere congratulations.

Instead Hange mumbles, "I'm happy for you, Levi," and doesn't ask about Petra again.

Levi tries not to think about it, tries not to think about Hange, because he has someone else now, he has Petra and he has to commit to her now. Maybe, it will help him get over Hange.

And yet, his heart still aches for her and her only.

Still, Levi doesn't give up.

***

Every weekend, he asks Petra on a date, inviting her to a new place each time.

He makes sure that every place they visit is not a place he had ever visited with Hange. It proves to be a hard task very quickly, during their many years of friendship Hange has dragged him to almost every curious place in their city, but Levi manages.

He searches online and asks his friends and coworkers.

"What the fuck, Levi?" Mike looks almost angry as Levi asks him if he knows a good restaurant he can take Petra to. "Don't you and—"

Erwin stops him before he lets out whatever he wanted to say.

He gives Levi a tight-lipped smile and promises to send a few suggestions after work.

However, despite all his efforts, most probably, because he really is a hopeless fool, Levi just can't seem to stop thinking about Hange.

They go to a theater, and as Petra gushes about superb acting, intricate story parallels and other little things Levi doesn't quite see, he can't get rid of Hange's voice in his head that picks up every silly detail and makes a devastating joke about it.

They attend a concert of some local indie group and their songs are just horrible enough to make him miss Hange's weird music taste.

They visit the city's aquarium, Petra is dressed in a lovely blue skirt and sea green top, but Levi doesn't even notice. As he wanders around the aquarium, watching dolphins, sharks and medusas, all he can think about is damn, four-eyes would have loved it here.

*** It's their fifth date and Levi walks Petra home. The night chill is in the air and the winds blows smoothly, ruffling Petra's auburn hair and making her huff adorably as she fruitlessly tries to keep her haircut in order.

Levi wonders if he should lend her his jacket and remembers the time Hange did the same for him. That starts a new chain of thought - his interactions with Hange in the recent weeks, or, rather a disappointing lack of them. Hange doesn't come to disturb his quiet lunches anymore and she doesn't drape herself over his table, pestering him with stupid jokes and annoying puns.

Perhaps, it is for the best. Perhaps, it will make moving on even easier, but Levi doesn't want easier. He wants his best friend back. Even if she doesn't share his feelings.

"Levi?" Petra's voice pulls him out of his thoughts. It's gentle and quiet, like a summer breeze. It's drastically different from Hange's loud, booming one that resembles a thunder. Levi winces as soon the comparison enters his mind.

You're trying to move on, you idiot.

"Levi," Petra repeats, clutching the sleeve of his jacket to stir him away from a sidewalk. "I think we need to talk."

Oh, Levi knows that tone. It's a tone that says there is nothing wrong with you, but…

It's a tone that says it's their fifth and last date.

"I'm sorry," he tells Petra as soon as she seats them at a nearby bench. He really is sorry. He's sorry for wanting but not actually trying hard enough to move on. Petra deserves better than that. Deserves someone who will love her for who she is and not as a replacement for someone he can never have.

"It's alright," Petra smiles, because she's amazing like that. Because she's a kind person Levi never deserved. "I understand. There is someone else, right?" she gingerly lays her hand on his chest, right above his heart. "Someone that lives here."

Levi nods jerkily, moving his eyes to stare at the dark street. The sympathy in Petra's eyes is almost too much to bear.

"I should have known..." Petra chuckles, shakes her head. "When I first saw you, at that party, I was instantly taken away. You looked so handsome, with that sharp jaw and piercing eyes, I couldn't stop staring. I kept trying to catch your gaze, wishing that you would look back and be just as struck by me as I was of you. But you had eyes only for one person, right?"

There is no judgement, no anger in her voice. Petra sounds rather wistful, and Levi thinks that he'd rather endure her bitterness than have her kindness.

"Petra, I'm sorry, I—"

"Don't be," she says, placing a hand on his cheek. She caresses his skin, turning his face to look at her. She's smiling, so sweet and breathtakingly pretty. "It wasn't fair of me, to wish for something that wasn't mine. I saw the two of you, only a blind wouldn't see how devoted you are to my cousin...” and yet, Levi can’t help, but think bitterly, there is someone who still doesn’t see. “Hange is so brilliant, so smart, but sometimes she doesn't notice what's right in front of her. You have to show her, Levi, give a little push in the right direction," Petra pauses, presses her lips to his cheek. "Just don't give up yet. I want you both to be happy."

"Petra..." he touches her hand on his cheek, giving it a gentle squeeze. "Thank you for everything."

"I have my fair share of fun," she giggles. Petra stands up, smoothing her skirt. She turns to look at him, "By the way, Levi, do you have a brother?"

He chuckles, shaking his head. "Only a balding, annoying uncle who is twice your age."

"Ah," Petra's face falls. "Guess the world isn't lucky enough to have another one of you. But who knows?" she grins. "Maybe, I'll find someone even better."

As Levi watches her walk away, skipping between cars and people with an easy spring in her step, he wishes that Petra - the girl who looks just like a disney princess - will find her prince and get her happily ever after.

***

Levi pushes the door of his apartment complex, feeling spent and exhausted, with Petra's words still weighing heavily over his head.

Maybe, he should take her advice? Maybe, he should tell Hange how he feels, just to let it out of his chest.

He contemplates if he should call her or send her a text.

hey, hange, your cousin just broke up with me, because i'm hopelessly in love with you. i have beer and leftover pizza. want to hang out?

He quickly pushes the idea away. It'd be too pathetic even for him.

Besides, what if Hange isn't at home? What if she isn't alone and is on another date or already in someone else's arms?

Levi doesn't think he can take it. At least, not today.

As he shuffles up the stairs, he looks up to see the familiar hallway that leads to his apartment. Everything is as it always is - fluorescent light that flicks on and off, large trashcan littered with cigarette buts, a window that stands broken for almost a month now, and a body sitting by his doorstep.

Levi stops.

The body is definitely a new addition.

Tall, lanky and adorned with a mop of messy hair, Levi recognizes it instantly.

He quickens his step, worry seizing his throat.

What Hange is doing here? Is she ill? Is she—

"Leviii! Here you are!"

Lopsided grin, unfocused gaze and glasses that are steadily slipping down her nose, Levi doesn't need to see a bottle of wine clutched in her hand to know that Hange is drunk.

"The fuck you're doing here, four-eyes?" he grunts, taking the bottle away.

"I came to see you," she slurs, and it's a testament of how far he is gone, because even now, he finds Hange incredibly endearing.

"Why?" he pinches the bridge of his nose, an almost overwhelming feeling of I can't fucking do this right now washing over him.

"I wanted to—" Hange falters, and her grin disappears. "Doesn't matter," she mutters and attempts to stand up. "I should go."

She sways on her feet and trips, almost falls, but Levi doesn't let her. He catches her in the very last moment, putting his arms around her waist.

Hange's hands are around his neck, and she doesn't look him in the eyes. She stares at his left cheek instead.

"You really like her, huh?" she murmurs. "I'm happy, Levi."

Hange doesn't look happy at all. Her lips are pressed together, tightly, and there are tears in her eyes.

Levi doesn't understand.

He presses a hand to his cheek, to the spot Hange was looking at.

His fingers come away red.

Oh, it hits him. Petra's lipstick.

Was that the thing that upset Hange?

"C'mon," he pushes Hange upwards, despite her feeble protests. He doesn't have the energy to deal with it right now, but he can't just leave Hange here or let her go home by herself. "Let's get you inside."

"No, Levi," Hange fruitlessly attempts to push him away, but Levi just tightens his hold on her and presses her to his side.

"Don't squirm so much," he admonishes, struggling to get to his key. "Where did you get so drunk anyway?"

During their many years of friendship, Levi has seen drunk Hange more times that he could count. But he had never seen her like this. Drunk Hange can be loud, vulgar, batshit insane. But she's not a sad drunk, never were. And the things she just said, the melancholy that accompanied them... Levi doesn't know what to make of it.

He decides not to acknowledge it, after all, Hange is drunk, even if she acts more strangely than usual, and so he focuses on getting her inside his apartment without letting her fall down or hit the wall.

It proves to be a more complicated task than anticipated because Hange keeps trying to get away from him.

Levi mutters a curse. As if he would let her.

After they finally pass the threshold, a tougher battle ensues. He leans Hange against the wall and gets on his knees, attempting to take off her shoes while simultaneously keeping her from falling on her ass.

After that is finally done, he drags Hange in the living room and deposits her on a couch.

"Are you sober enough to take a shower?" he asks, already knowing the answer.

Hange confirms it by shaking her head.

On one hand, Levi can always shower her himself, he has done it before. On the other... he's not drunk enough to do it.

"What a mess," he sighs and goes to bring her a blanket and a glass of water.

"So?" he drapes the blanket over her and crouches next to her face. "What happened?"

"I was out with Nanaba..." she begins, hand thrown over her face. "And then Mike and Erwin showed up..."

Ah, so that's who he needs to blame for all of it.

"And they asked me where you were and I told them about your date and Petra and..." Hange lets out a sound, something between a sniffle and sob. "And then they ambushed me! Mike said that I'm an idiot, Erwin told that I acted surprisingly unwise, which is... Have you ever noticed that sometimes Erwin talks like he's a character from Jane Austen's novels? Like he's Darcy or some other shit? It's irritating, I bet he does it on purpose, to appear more... more sophisticated."

"Hange," he flicks her forehead lightly, chucking to himself. "Get to the point."

"Right, right," she nods. "And then Nanaba... Nanaba smacked my head! She called me all sorts of names—" Hange raised her fingers, counting. "A moron, a fool, simpleton, dummy, an oblivious ass and a jerk. She then said I'm blind and unobservant."

Well... Nanaba wasn't wrong. Levi needs to thank her for that speech of hers. He couldn't have said it better.

"I'm not any of these things, am I, Levi?"

Hange turns to look at him now, her large eyes pulling him in, drowning him in their endless depth. She moves her hand, laying her palm on his cheek. The gesture reminds him of his conversation with Petra, but his feelings are different now. With Petra he felt ashamed and guilty.

With Hange, he feels confused and enamored.

She's drunk, he reminds himself. She doesn't know what she's doing, you're taking advantage of her.

He needs to leave her alone, to keep his distance before Hange gets her wits back.

"She's so orderly, huh?" Hange whispers, caressing his cheek. "It's your fifth date, and she only kisses you on a cheek."

Levi breathes out her name, unsure of everything now. What Hange is talking about can't possibly be true.

"She's so good, right? Petra is pretty and sweet, and she's not crazy like me. She doesn't annoy you like I do, and she's—"

She's not you, Levi wants to say. Instead he presses a hand over her mouth, silencing Hange before another stupid thing comes out.

"Stop this, four-eyes. You don't know what you're talking about. You're drunk."

"I am," Hange agrees. "Do you want to know why? Because I fucked up. Because I lost you and it's my fault that I did. Because the thought of you with someone else is so painful that I decided to drink until I forget," she chuckles, a broken, hollow sound, and raises her head to stare at the ceiling. "And now here we are."

Here they are...

"Nanaba was right," Levi curtly declares. "You're an idiot, Hange, the biggest one I had seen."

"Eh?"

"Do you know why it didn't work out with all the people you set me up with? Why it didn't work out with Petra? Why it wouldn't work out with anyone else?"

Hange opens her mouth, but Levi silences her once again.

"I'll let you think about it. You can tell me your answer in the morning."

Before Hange can protest, he plucks off her glasses and wraps the blanket tighter around her.

"Water is on a coffee table," he tells and heads to the bed.

It was one hell of a day. And something tells him - another horrible one is already waiting for him.

***

When he wakes up in the morning, it's to the pleasant smell of fried eggs and freshly brewed tea.

Cautiously, with last night’s events still fresh in his mind, he gets up and follows the smell to his kitchen.

There, he finds Hange with her hair still wet from a shower and dressed in his t-shirt and shorts.

Levi takes a second to take it all in - the sight of Hange in his clothes, the ease with which she moves around his kitchen, as though she belongs here, in his home. It's a sight he would never forget, and a sight he longs to see every morning, until the end of his days.

Hange notices him a moment later. She waves at him, grinning, and beckons him to take a seat.

"Good morning," she sings, far too cheerful for a person who was too drunk to stand last night.

She sets two plates and two cups on a table, and sits down next to him.

"How did you sleep?" she asks through a mouthful of her breakfast. "Good, I hope?"

"It was fine," he shrugs, attempting to mask his unease. Hange looks at him... strangely. "And you?"

"Mm, just a few hours and then I couldn't really sleep," ah, that explains it all then. Levi guesses Hange's cup isn't filled with tea. He wonders how much coffee she had already consumed. "I did something, by the way, to thank you for letting me crush at your place."

"You mean breakfast?"

"Well, that too, but no, another thing." Hange straightens out suddenly, shooting him a rueful grin. Her eyes, however, are nervous. "I've found you another date!"

Levi's face falls, but Hange either doesn't notice or doesn't care. She keeps on talking.

"She's something, Levi, super smart, downright hilarious and is extremely, unbelievably sexy. What's better, she's completely crazy about you. Like, it's actually embarrassing how much she likes you. Talks and thinks about you all the time, considers you the best thing in her life, well, like I said, she's crazy. She will lose it completely if you agree."

For a long moment, Levi is silent. He pushes the food around the plate, keeping his face down. And his smile away from Hange's eyes.

Then, when he physically can feel Hange's nervousness, he finally speaks.

"I guess, I can go on a date or two. See if we're compatible or not."

"Mm, I think you're quite compatible."

"I think so too."

It gets quiet for a moment, and then, because Hange is the biggest idiot he had ever met, she leans close to him and whispers, "I was talking about myself. You realized it, right? I'm asking you on a date. Just you know, I don't want you to misunderstand something or—"

Hange is insufferable. Impossible. Infuriating. Absolutely breathtaking, even in the moments of her greatest stupidity.

And kissing before the first date is unseemly. Outrageous, as Erwin would have put it. Levi’s mother didn’t raise him like that.

But Levi does it anyway, because, as he finds out - it's the best way to shut Hange up.

The kiss is quick, chaste, just a momentary touch to the corner of her lips.

Luckily, it’s enough to make her halt mid-sentence, her mouth hanging open slightly.

Levi rather likes her dazed expression.

“I have one condition,” he remarks casually, returning to his breakfast.

“Anything,” Hange promises, and Levi smirks at the slight breathlessness in her voice.

“No more setting me up with other people.”

“Oh,” she laughs, and because she’s utterly impossible he presses a kiss to his lips too. “Yeah, I can definitely work with that.”

Well, Levi can work with that too.

[kirain]

Hazbin Hotel and VivziePop Drama

I've been hearing/seeing a lot of drama concerning Hazbin Hotel and it's creator VivziePop, and while I don't know her personally or really care what people think, I do hate slander and the spread of misinformation. Truly nothing in this world upsets me more than when people believe rumours while making no effort to fact check, and that's exactly what's happening right now. That said, I wanted to try and clear up some of the rumours going around about Vivzie and the show, because I think some of them are absolutely outrageous and need to be addressed.

1. Vivzie hired an abuser onto the show.

Now, I’m not here to burn anyone at the stake, especially since I don’t know anything about Chris Niosi (the alleged abuser), who I believe openly admitted to the allegations? Regardless, this is a moot point. He’s not credited anywhere at the end of the episode. So either he was booted before production wrapped up or he had nothing to do with the show in the first place.

2. Vivzie supports bestiality.

Admittedly I thought this one might be true, since she draws so many anthropomorphic animals. In the very least, I figured she was probably a furry, but I haven't seen any evidence supporting this accusation either. Near as I can tell, this rumour started for two reasons. One, because of her famous Zoophobia comic, which revolves around a therapist named Cameron who gets assigned to work with human-like animals. Ironically, poor Cameron suffers from crippling zoophobia, which makes for some pretty decent comedy. I didn't read the whole comic because, quite frankly, it’s not my cup of tea and I just don’t have the time. But from what I saw there are no examples of bestiality anywhere in its contents.

Two, this message, which blew up all over social media:

To me, this just proves that people are more interested in virtue signalling than checking to see if their claims are actually true. Everything about this message is 100% false, which I’ll touch on in my next point.

3. Vivzie is a pedophile and she’s drawn child porn.

This is hands down the worst allegation and holy shit, I really wish people would stop using it to defame someone when they don't have any proof. This is a life-ruining accusation and you're disgusting if you believe it based solely on hearsay. This rumour began to spread when Vivzie allegedly shipped the two underage characters in the above photo and drew them NSFW-style. At the time, one character was 19 while the other was 14, and the relationship was a very illegal student-teacher relationship.

This is WRONG! The characters were not 14 and 19, they were actually 18 and 19, the legal age of consent! Additionally, the relationship wasn't student-teacher. One character is a student and the other is Alumni (a student teacher). This one pisses me off the most because it’s obvious the person who sent that message didn’t even bother to conduct any research. They said, “He’s a teacher, she’s a child.” Both characters are MALE!

Since then, Vivzie has apologised for any NSFW art she drew in the past and stated that it's not a reflection of her art today, and I'm inclined to believe her. Almost every artist has drawn NSFW content at some point in their career, and hers wasn't even distasteful. Other than this one example, there is no evidence anywhere that suggests she’s drawn “child porn”. In fact, she’s never even drawn explicit NSFW.

Please stop spreading this rumour. It’s dangerous and completely incorrect.

4. Vivzie said the "N" word!

No, she didn’t. It was a fabricated tweet. That is all.

5. Vivzie is copyright striking every video that criticises her!

No she isn't. YouTube’s DMCA is automatically striking people who are using full clips without permission. Vivzie has gone public several times, telling people exactly how to avoid getting a copy strike from the algorithm, which is something she absolutely does not have to do. At this point, she doesn't owe you anything. In my opinion, she should just sit back and watch these channels burn.

6. Vivzie copies and traces other artists’ work.

This is another one I’ve seen going around, but I looked into it as thoroughly as I could and failed to find any concrete evidence to support the allegations. As of right now, there are only two examples of Vivzie “copying” or “tracing” other artists’ work, and both of them can be explained. The first is a gif she made with a character from her Zoophobia comic, which looked a lot like the girl from ME!ME!ME!:

Damn, that’s pretty incriminating. She obviously stole-- oh, wait. This gif was part of a ME!ME!ME! MEP (multi editor’s project) and Vivzie didn’t take full credit, despite the fact that it’s not even a direct trace. It’s supposed to look like the original, which she fully cited. The second example comes from a short dance sequence from her Timber video, which seems to have been inspired by several Disney movies. As Vivzie herself stated, that was an homage to the original animations. Lots of artists and shows do this, including the beloved Stephen Universe series.

Regardless, this doesn’t count as stealing character designs or plagiarising someone’s work. It’s meant to be respectful, an admiration of other projects. Other than these two instances, however, there is no evidence of her tracing or stealing other people’s art. From what I’ve discovered, all other designs she’s been accused of “stealing” are characters she bought and paid for. They’re quite literally HER characters.

7. Vivzie supports problematic creators.

I’m getting really tired of guilt by association. Vivzie follows and enjoys some controversial figures, but who cares? We can argue all day about whether or not the accusations against them are true, but it ultimately has nothing to do with the show or Vivzie as a person. I do the exact same thing, to be honest-- follow and listen to people on all sides so I can learn, understand, and form my own opinions. The fact that some people think this is bad, to me, is absolutely mesmerising. Vivzie doesn’t control what the people she follows post, and if they do something overly questionable she publicly criticises and denounces it.

From Vivzie:

Now that that’s been dealt with, I’d like to address some complaints/claims about the actual show.

8. Vaggie is an angry Latina stereotype and a lesbian stereotype. Vivzie is appropriating Hispanic culture and misrepresenting the gay for profit.

First off, I see a lot of people passing around yet more misinformation regarding Vivzie's race. So many people seem to think she's white? Well, I'm here to tell you they're wrong. Very incorrect. Vivzie is in fact Latina, and Vaggie is meant to mirror some of her own personality traits.

Second, who is Vaggie mad at? Context matters, and if we take a look at the episode, we see that Vaggie is literally only mad at two specific people: Angel Dust and Alastor. Why? Well, for starters, it's her girlfriend's dream to run a rehab hotel for sinners, and Angel Dust nearly demolishes that dream single-handedly. Vaggie has every right to be over-the-top vitriolic. Then there's Alastor, a known sadist, narcissist, and murderer who loves trapping people in his nefarious schemes. He invites himself in, effectively takes over the hotel, and pushes both her and Charlie aside. At one point he even sexually assaults her by slapping her butt during his musical number. So yeah, I think her seething ire is totally justified. Keep in mind, however, that when she's around Charlie she's calm, collected, and happy. I wouldn't call that a stereotype.

Thirdly, the lesbian stereotypes. I keep hearing this argument but I really don't see it. Both Vaggie and Charlie have so much personality and trust for each other. Maybe I'm wrong, but the stereotype I know always totes a more butch, tomboyish woman with a ditsy, innocent, naive woman. Charlie is optimistic, but she isn't stupid. She refuses to shake Alastor’s hand because she knows he’s likely trying to screw her over. She’s also not entirely innocent herself and uses words like “fuck” and “shit”. I also wouldn’t call Vaggie butch or tomboyish. She has a cute, girly presentation, complete with a pink ribbon in her hair, lace stockings, and a dress. She's protective of her girlfriend, as I think we all are with our partners, and there's nothing wrong with that. They're flawed characters, as every character is meant to be. This isn't a problem.

9. The show is racist, sexist, homophobic, transphobic, blah, blah, blah.

I’m amazed this is even an argument. The show is supposed to be a dark comedy that takes place in HELL. You know, the place the worst of the worst end up after they die? What were you expecting? Everyone gets a shot or two fired at them, but that doesn't make them bad characters nor does it make the show itself horrible. Take, for example, Katie Killjoy, the news reporter so many people are up in arms about. She says she doesn’t “touch the gays” because she has “standards”. Well, here’s a newsflash of my own: we’re not supposed to like her! She’s an antagonist. Not to mention ten seconds later Charlie insults her and isn’t the least bit slighted by her pretentious attitude. The characters are strong and don’t take shit from anyone, because to some degree they’re all terrible people who can throw down when it’s called for.

Obviously if you don’t like the show or think it’s offensive, I’m probably not going to change your mind. That’s perfectly fine. You’re entitled to your opinions and you don’t have to watch the show. Just stop lying and stop trying to take it away from everybody else. Stop attacking Vivzie and spreading misinformation without checking the facts. I realise a lot of people probably aren’t trying to be vindictive and only want to do something good, but just remember this: the road to hell is paved with good intentions.

[antebunny]

Intervention Gone Wrong

^^despite the vaguely crack title this swings wildly between crack and angst because those are my two midnight moods^^

When Wei Wuxian hears that the sects are all gathering to form an alliance to kill him, it’s depressing how quickly he believes it. His initial reaction is disbelief, rejection, denial, but all too soon reality sets in. Even after all Wei Wuxian has lived through, apparently he’s still managed to be naive. It’s not like he’s done anything. He’s been holed up with the Wens in the Burial Mounds, trying to turn the resentment-soaked ground into something farmable. He even missed his sister’s wedding, and staged a fight between himself and Jiang Cheng just to fully sever ties with the cultivation world. All he wants is to be left alone.

“They say even Sect Leader Jiang is going,” the people of Yiling are whispering when Wei Wuxian descends from the Burial Mounds. 

Wei Wuxian is glad that none of them recognize him as the Yiling Patriarch, because he strolls up to one of the vendors he heard whispering, and prods him for more information.

“All the cultivation sects are gathering in Nightless City to kill our Patriarch,” the man says. “Someone must’ve let it slip, but it was supposed to be a secret–he’s not supposed to know.”

Well. The Yiling Patriarch knows.

He abandons the quest for potatoes and returns to their settlement in the Burial Mounds. When he tells the Wen siblings, their faces turn white.

“I’m s–” Wen Ning begins.

“Don’t apologize,” Wei Wuxian cuts him off. “It’s not your fault.”

“If you hadn’t protected us–” Wen Qing begins.

“It’s not your fault,” Wei Wuxian says again. “It’s.” He presses his lips together, and when he opens them, he means to say why couldn’t they just leave us alone? But what spills out is a plaintive: “Even Jiang Cheng?”

They’re looking at him with pity now, and Wei Wuxian hates that, but he can’t take the words back. He can imagine how it happened: if the rest of the great sects all agreed–so he supposes Nie Mingjue and Lan Xichen must have changed their minds about him, though he doesn’t know why–then Jiang Cheng would’ve been pressured into agreeing as well. 

“We have to evacuate,” Wen Qing says.

“Maybe they’re just rumors,” Wen Ning suggests at the same time.

Wei Wuxian can’t help but spare a fond thought for his endlessly optimistic friend, but it’s optimism he no longer shares. “We still have to evacuate,” he says. “If you take everyone to the forest island between Yunmeng and Qishan, I can join you there. And then we can find a plot of land somewhere, I suppose, to hide.”

He’s already turned his back on the cultivation world, but hiding from it entirely–completely leaving it behind, without any chance of seeing his family ever again–is a worse kind of goodbye.

“And where are you going?” Wen Qing asks suspiciously.

Wei Wuxian manages a bone-weary smile for her. “Isn’t it obvious?” He says tiredly. “Nightless City.” 

-

Contrary to popular belief, Nie Huaisang actually does care about people, not just his birds and his fans. And he doesn’t just care about his brother, although his brother is of course his first priority. Nie Huaisang cares about his friends, Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng, and he cares about the Nie disciples under his brother’s care, and he cares about his brother’s sworn brothers. Nie Huaisang empathizes with people, he just usually chooses not to act on it. 

The thing is, Nie Huaisang likes Wei Wuxian. They’re not the sworn brother type of friends; Nie Huaisang’s not exactly dying for him. He likes Wei Wuxian’s easy-going friendliness, likes his willingness to help, and admires his unwillingness to bend his core principles. It reminds him a lot of Nie Mingjue. This is all to say that Nie Huaisang thinks that the world is a better place with Wei Wuxian, and unfortunately the world seems to disagree. 

Nie Huaisang just wishes that the job of keeping Wei Wuxian alive fell to anyone but him. He’d kept his head down and assumed that they’d figure it out eventually, but he’s not stupid, he sees where this is going. His first thought is that Jiang Cheng will figure it out, but then he remembers his friend is pricklier than a pear, and with more parental issues than Jin Guangyao. Jiang Yanli, he thinks, could help in theory. Nie Huaisang briefly muses on encouraging Jiang Yanli to fix things, before deciding that getting her to overcome a lifetime of being told that she’s no help is much harder than just doing it himself. 

And since there’s no one else who cares about Wei Wuxian, that means that if Nie Huaisang wants to visit Lotus Pier at any point in the future and trade gossip with his friends, he’s going to have to stage an intervention for Wei Wuxian.

Honestly. The things he does for his friends.

Nie Huaisang also hopes that an intervention can get Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng out of the dark mood they’ve been in ever since the end of the Sunshot Campaign. It’s understandable, truly, but Nie Huaisang isn’t touching that with a ten-foot saber.

The first sect Nie Huaisang goes to is the Lan sect. Lan Xichen is bound to hear him out, now that he’s Nie Huaisang’s brother’s sworn brother, and Nie Huaisang wants to know where they stand on the whole Yiling Patriarch business. 

Lan Wangji is the most difficult person Nie Huaisang has ever tried to understand, and he didn’t try all that much. All he’s really sure of is that Hanguang-jun could not get away from Wei Wuxian fast enough back during their guest disciple year, and hates demonic cultivation. This he knows second-hand, from countless tales of arguments between the two during the war. It’s a bad combination for Wei Wuxian, but luckily for him, Lan Wangji also has an unmatched reputation for righteousness. Considering that he chose to argue with Wei Wuxian over demonic cultivation instead of just letting the man rest and win the war for them, Nie Huaisang figures this is more or less accurate. All in all, Nie Huaisang is pretty sure that Lan Wangji will support Wei Wuxian, if he realizes that the Jins are purposefully trying to get him killed. 

Lan Xichen, it turns out, is fully aware that Jin Guangshan is up to something, but he’s pretending that he doesn’t. 

“Sect Leader Jin’s business is Sect Leader Jin’s business,” Lan Xichen says firmly, when Nie Huaisang prods a little too much. “You know we don’t gossip.” 

Ah well. It’s not like Nie Huaisang was expecting support on his one-man intervention quest. He does a little more snooping before he leaves the Cloud Recesses, which is how he discovers a stunning secret. 

“Wangji,” he overhears Lan Xichen saying. “I know you…care for Young Master Wei–”

That’s as good as a declaration of love from either Lan brother. Which is to say: Lan Wangji is in love with Wei Wuxian. Now that’s a match that even Nie Huaisang, matchmaker extraordinaire, didn’t see coming. 

Once Lan Xichen has accidentally confessed his brother’s love for Wei Wuxian to Nie Huaisang, suddenly Nie Huaisang has a great advantage. He hasn’t the faintest clue how their relationship will work out in the future, between Wei Wuxian’s demonic cultivation and Lan Wangji’s sect rules, but that is another issue that Nie Huaisang isn’t touching with a ten-foot saber. For now, it’s enough to know that there’s someone else, someone with power, that Nie Huaisang can rely on to keep Wei Wuxian alive. 

So the next place Nie Huaisang goes to is the Jin sect. He drags Jin Guangyao away from his duties for a night of drinking, and then proceeds to get blackout drunk. Or at least, he pretends to get blackout drunk. 

“Did you know,” Nie Huaisang says, through hiccups, “That Lan Wangji has a th…” His mouth works, trying to form the word. “A thing!” He fumbles for his glass again.

“Perhaps you should have water now, Young Master Nie,” Jin Guangyao suggests.

“Ah ah ahhhh,” Nie Huaisang corrects, slurring the sounds together. “What did I say about this young master business?”

Jin Guangyao smiles indulgently at him. “Not to?”

“Uh-huh.” Nie Huaisang thinks for a moment. “A thing!” He repeats. “For Wei Wuxian!”

“What sort of thing?” Jin Guangyao asks. 

“Oh, you know,” Nie Huaisang fumbles for his fan and waves it around airily. “That sort of thing.”

He can see Jin Guangyao pale, and knows he’s working through the logical thought process. If Lan Wangji will be sad when Wei Wuxian dies, then Lan Xichen will be sad, and Jin Guangyao doesn’t want that. But even as Nie Huaisang sees this, he knows that it won’t be enough. Jin Guangyao will still do it, on the off-chance that he finally wins his father’s approval. 

Nie Huaisang wants to shake him by the shoulders and tell him that he deserves better, but he doesn’t. Instead, he tries to imagine that he’s Jin Guangshan (ew), and his plan to stir the sects into killing the Yiling Patriarch isn’t working, because Wei Wuxian just isn’t doing anything. If he were Jin Guangshan, he would either find a way to lure Wei Wuxian out of the Burial Mounds, or find a way to frame him for something and rally the sects to kill him before Wei Wuxian can protest his innocence. 

So Nie Huaisang just has to move first. 

-

“Da-ge,” Nie Huaisang begins sweetly, and he is offended by the very visible flash of fear in his brother’s eyes. “I’m your favorite brother, right?”

“What’s wrong?” Nie Mingjue says, a bead of sweat forming on his upper lip. “I haven’t even made you practice saber recently.”

“Nothing’s wrong,” Nie Huaisang says, throwing in a pout for good measure. “But things could be better.”

“What is it?” Nie Mingjue asks warily.

Nie Huaisang blinks innocently. “I was just thinking how much happier I would be if you did me this one small, small favor.” He stops to estimate how much Wei Wuxian is worth to him. “I’d even do two consecutive weeks of saber practice,” he wheedles. 

Nie Mingjue eyes him like Nie Huaisang is the one twice his size. “Depends on the favor?” He settles on finally.

Nie Huaisang tells him.

-

“You want me to what.”

-

“No,” Jiang Cheng says.

“Hear me out,” Nie Huaisang wheedles. 

Lotus Pier is the last of the great sects on Nie Huaisang’s list, just because he feels like Jiang Cheng will be a lot easier to convince once there’s nothing he can do about it anyway. 

Jiang Cheng merely glares at him, looking about one second from kicking him out of the Jiang sect leader’s private meeting rooms. “I know you’re behind this, Huaisang,” he says flatly.

Now Nie Huaisang has to admit that in his haste to act before Jin Guangshan, he’s been more obvious than he would’ve liked, but he’s truly been transparent if even Jiang Cheng knew he was up to something. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about!” Nie Huaisang wails, fanning himself aggressively. 

“I know you’re the reason your brother decided to join Jin Guangshan’s crusade!” Jiang Cheng explodes. “I don’t know why, but–”

“Sect Leader Jin was going to do it sooner or later,” Nie Huaisang interrupts, eyes innocently wide. “I only thought that if we joined in we’d have more control over it.”

Jiang Cheng’s eyes narrow into slits. “Let me get this straight,” he says. “You think Jin Guangshan wants my brother dead, for the Seal.” He doesn’t even bother waiting for confirmation, which is how Nie Huaisang knows that Jiang Cheng already believes that. “So your solution is to get the sects to make a pact to kill my brother–just so that you do it before Jin Guangshan does.”

Well, when he puts it that way…

“Okay, look,” Nie Huaisang says, snapping his fan shut. “Jin Guangshan goes to Nightless City thinking he’s heading an alliance to kill Wei Wuxian. Then my brother suggests destroying the Seal, and you support him. The Lans are bound to support that, so then either Jin Guangshan is forced to reveal his hand or he’s forced to back down.” 

And hopefully whatever’s going on between you and Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian gets sorted out as well, Nie Huaisang thinks. He doesn’t have a plan for that, exactly, so much as the hope that if he pours the chaos of the entire cultivation world into Wei Wuxian’s lap, something’s bound to come loose. 

“Alright,” Jiang Cheng relents, albeit begrudgingly. “Who’s going to tell Wei Wuxian?”

“Oh, don’t worry,” Nie Huaisang says, snapping his fan open again and hiding his smile. “I have a plan for that.”

-

“I d-don’t know why da-ge changed his mind!” Nie Huaisang sobs into Lan Xichen’s arms. “B-but now everyone is going to kill Wei Wuxian, and he hasn’t even done anything!”

Lan Xichen pats Nie Huaisang on the back, his face pale. “I’m sure we can talk this out,” he says weakly. “But, Huaisang, my brother–”

“He hates Wei Wuxian, I know,” Nie Huaisang interrupts, sobbing even louder. 

He pauses, breath hitching just in time to hear the sound of a spiritual sword being unsheathed–and then, presumably, mounted. Lan Xichen had probably been about to say something like “my brother is coming.” It’s really too bad Nie Huaisang interrupted him.

“It’s so sad, because Wuxian really likes him!”

Lan Xichen blinks several times, and his face does something funny. “R-really?”

Nie Huaisang sniffs loudly. “But that’s not the point,” he cries. He tugs on Lan Xichen’s robes. “You have to go stop them!”

“The Lan sect will surely have a presence,” Lan Xichen says. “But Huaisang–”

Nie Huaisang bursts into tears again, successfully distracting him from escaping Nie Huaisang’s clutches. He doesn’t stop crying, or let Lan Xichen leave, for another ten minutes, until Lan Wangji has had plenty of time to leave the Cloud Recesses.

Doubtless he’ll fly to Yiling, where he’ll tell Wei Wuxian a less than comprehensive overview of their plan. It’s not exactly the informant Jiang Cheng had been picturing, but Nie Huaisang will make do, so long as it’s Lan Wangji. Perhaps he’ll vow to protect Wei Wuxian, and then declare his undying love to Wei Wuxian–so Nie Huaisang’s a romantic, sue him–so by the time the two of them actually make it to Nightless City, another piece of the puzzle will be in place. 

-

Wei Ying. 

Lan Wangji lands at the base of the Burial Mounds running. He tears up the path, worn into the mountain’s face by Wei Ying and the Wens. When he reaches the top, the place where the little Wen settlement once stood is completely empty. The cave where Wei Ying once slept is empty. Little Wen Yuan is nowhere to be found, nor are the elderly Wens. There’s no sign of life, anywhere, save for the abandoned plot of land, ready for farming. 

Lan Wangji falls to his knees, sullying his white robes with dirt. Wei Ying, he thinks desperately. Where are you?

-

The last time Nightless City had this many people, they were leading the final attack of Wen Ruohan. 

The memory randomly occurs to Wei Wuxian as he alights on the massive outer wall of the Sun Palace, before the great pavilion where all the sect cultivators have gathered. Last time, they were charging up these steps, while Wen Ruohan stood in the entrance. Now, Wei Wuxian stands on top of it, one hand on Chenqing, and the other on the Seal. 

Down below, he sees the bright yellow robes of the Jins. Jin Guangshan has placed himself at the head of the alliance, because of course he has. But Jin Guangyao is there, his father’s silent shadow, and so is Jin Zixuan, looking distinctly uncomfortable. Nie Mingjue is stone-faced at the head of the Nie contingent. Lan Xichen is blank-faced at the head of the Lans, almost like his brother. 

In vain, Wei Wuxian looks for Lan Zhan. He doesn’t care what he sees reflected back at him, he only wants to see Lan Zhan. But he isn’t there. Finally, Wei Wuxian looks over the Jiangs. Jiang Cheng is scowling, to Wei Wuxian’s utter lack of surprise. 

“How rude,” Wei Wuxian calls, interrupting whatever Jin Guangshan’s going on about. “A party for me and I wasn’t invited?”

Jin Guangshan startles when he hears Wei Wuxian, though he hides it well. Jiang Cheng doesn’t seem surprised, merely directs his scowl directly at Wei Wuxian. Which is rather unfair, Wei Wuxian feels. It’s not like he’s done anything wrong.

“Get off the roof,” Jiang Cheng snaps. “Get down here.”

Wei Wuxian stares down at him, eyes fizzling with red light. He can’t be serious. Just because Jiang Cheng didn’t tell him doesn’t mean Wei Wuxian doesn’t know what this is about. 

“You can’t be serious,” he sneers.

“It might induce a better conversation,” Lan Xichen says, solemnly.

That’s certainly no lie. The Lans never lie. Though Wei Wuxian would make a case for misleading–his sentence implies that the reason they want Wei Wuxian to come down is just so that they don’t have to shout at each other from so far away, and not–

“Won’t you come down and join us?” Jin Guangshan says, sickly sweet. “We were discussing some concerns that people have raised about your behavior.”

–So that they can kill him easier. 

Why is he here again? Oh, that’s right. Wei Wuxian was hoping this was an overblown rumor. 

Wei Wuxian laughs harshly. The sound is swallowed by the endless night. “Sect Leader Jin must think I’m stupid,” he says, with thinly veiled anger. 

“Wei Wuxian,” Jiang Cheng fumes. “Stop playing around and get down here.”

“Who’s playing around?” Wei Wuxian demands, Chenqing twirling around and around in his hand. He stalks up and down the roof, just an inky smudge against the vast black sky. Torches flicker all around the pavilion, lighting the cultivators up in all their colors. 

Usually Jiang Cheng is a terrible liar, but there’s not a hint of deception in his demeanor right now. If Jiang Cheng wants to settle a score with him, then Wei Wuxian is happy to do so. But as far as Wei Wuxian is concerned, he doesn’t owe the rest of the world anything.

“I heard Sect Leader Jin’s moving speech,” Wei Wuxian continues, full to the brim with anger. He stops pacing, and stands facing the cultivators. His hand trembles on Chenqing. He didn’t come here for a fight, but now his blood is singing for one. 

From the back of the mass of cultivators, a moving white blur comes in at full speed. Soon, the blur reveals itself to be Lan Wangji, late for clearly the first time in his life, if his expression is any indication. Every line in his typically stoic face is drawn taut with tension. Wei Wuxian’s hunger for a fight drains away. 

He’s still angry, but he has to protect the Wens. They’re waiting for him, on the forest island halfway between the Burial Mounds and Nightless City. He has to return to them, or Wen Ning is probably going to come wandering into Nightless City looking for him. He can’t afford a fight. 

“Good for you,” Jiang Cheng gripes. “Now will you get off the roof?”

Wei Wuxian is still angry, but beneath that, beneath all the bravado and the sneers and the self-righteousness are the white-knuckled, shaking hands that he draws in front of him to clutch Chenqing protectively by his chest. Beneath it all is the shaking voice that Wei Wuxian forces down until his tone sounds acceptable. Beneath it all is the part of Wei Wuxian that he doesn’t want to admit: the part that’s terrified. 

Lan Zhan stops next to his brother, joining the ranks of Lan cultivators, and whatever hope Wei Wuxian had sinks like a stone to the soles of his boots. Dread pools like acid in his stomach, hissing and churning his emotions into knots. 

Wei Wuxian looks across 3,000 cultivators, and swallows, laughter and sneers fading away at last. His voice is small and shaking when he finally speaks. “I’m not coming down, Jiang Cheng,” Wei Wuxian says.

[youwontlikethisblog]

La Arrogancia De La Niña

Read Posts 1-3 titled Betty, My Betty to catch up to the character analysis that I will be talking about here.

A little background: After Armando dropped Betty off he went to Marcela's apartment. He seemed indecisive if he wanted to stay or leave as he walked towards the dining table and then towards the elevator, spun and went back to the dining room while we heard Betty's monologue.

At first glance I did think Armando pulled away from Marcela because he had just been kissing with Betty. Though we know that he has been able to kiss Marcela even when he's snuck off with his models, so it's not guilt. When he goes to brush his teeth he says that he can't be kissing Marcela after kissing Betty, that if she found out she'd kill him.

From the very few interviews that I have seen about the characters I remember Jorge Enrique saying that Armando is obsessed with perfection, especially in women and because of that he is very impatient with Betty because she doesn't fit that vision of his.

Armando isn't physically attracted to Betty, that's a fact and the reason why he lives in such denial but he still acts with deliberation.

Just because he is in denial about his feelings it doesn't excuse the things he does knowing exactly what he feels about them.

Armando earases Betty's trace from him in this scene and after that he no longer feels guilty, he stares at Marcela and admires her beauty. He kisses her telling her how he needed to see her, how badly he needed her to help him forget the horrors of the day.

In this scene what caught my attention was that he makes eye contact with her like nothing. With Betty at the office he struggled to make eye contact with her or hold it. The only time he managed to was when the topic was only about work but when the conversation was over he couldn't look at her or make eye contact for longer than a second with her.

With Marcela he's able to hold eye contact, conversation, touch her, kiss her, tell her how he needs her. This parallels allows us to understand the reason being that one relationship is only based on physicality while the other one is based on person/human connection.

When their scene for that night comes to a closing Armando and Marcela are kissing and he has his eyes open and the exact same expression he had with Betty. He closes his eyes for a second and they pull away and hug. He looks confused and then rolls his eyes and shakes his head.

Here he is now feeling the effects of the kiss with Betty. He kissed her sober. He felt something again and unlike before he can't excuse it for being drunk so when he now kisses Marcela and he realizes that he feels off or not like before, he chucks it for guilt and dismisses the topic from his mind.

Now that we've got this background let's proceed to the scene at hand.

Mario and Armando go to have a briefing about the previous night.

When you're writing dialogue(if it comes naturally to you) you don't pick and choose every word used and think about the impact it holds. That is why it's so important to know your characters and understand them before you start writing. It's important to understand their role, who they are, everything inside and out, and then writing comes naturally. Once you've learned to distinguish their voice, their tone in writing your conscious becomes invisible and everything comes from your subconscious. In the first draft you go unfiltered. You pour out your tears, your blood, you whole heart into it, and when you rewrite it to polish it you go into detail. You remove the bits that don't really make an impact and you find the words that really push your point across.

Writing is truthfully, in my humble opinion, the art that truthfully transfers you and evokes emotion like no other. I paint, I write songs, I draw and I do all these other artistical things but writing, the gift that I rejected for years, is the most comforting and the most beautiful of all arts. When done right you don't only make people travel among space and dimensions but you cause a huge impact in their intelectual person. A pen and paper are the most dangerous weapons.

You might be wondering why I'm even talking about this on this post but it's important to understand and credit the true mastermind behind this story as he wrote it by himself, be it at a rush with no time, with all the time in the world, money or no money, he wrote something that impacted an entire world and inspired change.

A ruthless man falls in love with a beautiful woman.

You can say "but Betty isn't beautiful." and that's where the message is lost. Betty is beautiful. Beauty, people often think is based on the physical appearance of something or someone but Beauty is the essences of something or someone. We don't look at the sunset and think it's only beautiful because of it' colors. We look at it and think it's beautiful because of its power, of it's essences, and it's presens. We are in awe of its magnificence and that makes it beautiful.

So Betty is beautiful.

Betty is deserving of love, kindness, respect, faithfulness, loyalty, and so so much more because she is utterly beautiful.

Fernando's intention was to teach us that. That beauty is not skin deep. Beauty is the heart of someone and their impact in the people around them.

Armando isn't beautiful at the start of this. He is an ugly human being but with qualities that make him passible. To find his beauty you have to really dig into him.

The true monster here is Mario, but Armando is guilty for simply allowing Mario to continue this way.

Mario asks him if they kissed and Armando tells him that he kissed her twice.

Let's start.

"Well you know what I ended up not liking? Come over here that I'm gonna tell you more" Armando stands up and walks to the double doors and stands under the door frame of his office and the meeting room. Mario follows him.

"Imagine that this woman last night got hooked on that I couldn't be crazy about her. That I couldn't be obsessed for her. That she doesn't have enough qualities for me to fall in love with her."

What does Armando's body language tell us? Like last night, it truly boggles or frustrates him that Betty says things. It's almost like if he found it an insult for Betty to insinuate these things. Here his hand is moving vastly in the air making points of what Betty told him, his is speaking fast and his tone is frustrating all of this indicates he is offended or angry that Betty would think that of him.

in short translation: How could Betty think that I wouldn't be attracted to her? Crazy about her? Why, am I just a stupid superficial man? Who only cares about women's bodies and not who they are as a person? That she doesn't have any qualities that would drive me crazy and be obsessed with her?

Obviously he isn't going to tell this to Mario or really himself either.

"Well she isn't naive. She's seen herself in a mirror." Mario jokes.

"Of course but I had to name a bunch of qualities to convince her."

"Qualities?" he whispers.

"Yes." he whispers aggressively.

"Tell me, that imagination and creativity of yours; What qualities did you have to tell her?"

Armando shrugs and starts to mumble incoherently and Mario interrupts him.

"And did they[she] believe you?"

"Well I hope so."

"Did you kiss her?"

"I said yes. I kissed her twice." He whispers annoyed.

"What did she say? Are you both dating? Did she accept that she's crazy for you?" Mario sounds too excited with the last questions which gives the impression that he likes to hear all of this which is just gross.

Armando gives us a micro expression of confusion, it seems like his hands are inside his pockets and he shrugs and shakes his head.

"Well man that's what's weird about it. I did tell her I was obsessed with her, that I'm dying for her, but she's not of me." Mario gasps, shocked. "That she thinks I'm a very interesting man, that she admires me a lot, that I've been real special with her for a lifetime but that no, that's the only thing she finds attractive of me." Armando's quick pace but without stutters or word fillers allows us to know that he is confident in what he is saying(he's thought about this a lot) but nervous about what it means.

Mario gasps again and tells him "Do me the favor. The arrogance of that girl. You almost don't convince her, you have to kiss her two times and after that she tells you, Hey, I admire you." Between this cluster of words we see Armando thinking hard. He really is bothered or worried about Betty not really showing an interest in him.

Our egos are a huge part of who we are. We want to be liked by people and accepted, it's part of our genetic makeup. We are sociable beings. Now, if I told my boss that I admired them and that they always treated be respectfully and respected my job I think my boss would feel pretty happy about that. It would boost his ego.

Armando however isn't acting like that. If he was truly unbothered by Betty and her feelings towards him(it isn't because of the plan) than he'd just chuck it in a bin and say he'll work on it. He's literally spent two days with Betty since the kiss, he wants Betty to be fawning over him now?

His ego is hurt, his man ego. He wants Betty to like him, to like him as a man and not her boss and it isn't because of the plan because if it were than the man would understand that steady wins the race but he's an impatient man who wants Betty on the same page he's in.

"Yeah, yeah, see I think she still has that guy Nicolas stuck in her head." (ARMANDO IT'S BEEN THREE DAYS, THREE DAYS! WHAT DO YOU EXPECT?)

"No." Mario whispers.

"Yeah and I don't like it at all. Look at what she left on my desk this morning."

Now they turn their backs to the office and face the meeting room. While Mario holds the chocolate bar in his hand he tells a worried Armando:

"Aw but how sweet. Now, see this is a good sign."

"Really? Is it? You think so?" he says hopeful.

"Aw, man, please."

"Really?It is?" he looks at the chocolate bar in Mario's hand and then stares off, concentrated, in what Mario is saying.

"Look this means she accepts the relationship?"

"Really?" he whispers hopeful.

"Now you have to consecrate-" Armando shifts, now he rest his hand on Mario's shoulder and starts to bite his thumb nail as he listens closely to Mario, the love guru. "You have to eradicate from her head and heart that guy Nicolas Mora, want some?" he asks after taking a piece of chocolate out.

"Yeah, keep going." he takes a piece out too. "keep going that I like what you're saying."

Here the opportunity he's been waiting for presents itself. Betty accepting the relationship gives room for him to remove Nicolas from her love life, therefore leaves him in the center of it.

"These ugly[women] like Betty are very romantic." Armando nods. "So then you have to create a routine of a boyfriend." Armando nods, agreeing. "You have to feed the illusion, you have to maintain the relationship alive." once again Armando nods in agreement and with his hands gestures that he wants to hear more. "because starting from this point on my dear sir you are now the boyfriend of Beatriz Pinzon Solano." Armando's eyes are wide, lips pursed together(could be because he has chocolate in his mouth) and hands in pickets, he turns to his left, away from Mario for a brief second and has a face of "Are you for real?"

"But but how will-what kind of gifts, things do you mean?"

"Look brother, romance is like a bonfire. If you don't feed it the passion extinguishes. It's that simple. We shouldn't call this a win. I think Betty isn't sure about how serious your are[about your feelings]. You have to work on her more, make her fall in love and you have to show her that this is something very serious, you understand me?"

"But what kind of job that I have to do?"

That's the end of that scene.

Later when Mario and him are talking how to go about with the gifts and romantic details we get confirmation(post Thank You...) that when it comes to the physical of it, Armando pictures AA instead of Betty.

From here once again we do get a clear understanding that Armando is confused and when he's not confused(very different emotions) he is in denial of it. He is worried about the company. Mario only ever brings it up when he sees that emotions aren't motivating Armando enough to continue with the plan.

I think it's very important to understand the intention of what we are being shown here. The writing is meant to help us understand what they are saying. Words, speed of speech, gestures, expressions, and body language help us determine what is actually being said.

When Mario suggest that he take Betty to some tavern or club instead of restaurants Armando says that he doesn't think Betty will like those.

I think we've all established that Armando does care about Betty and therefore I don't need to breakdown his behavior so much. We understand that he is going along with this plan because he wants to keep Eco Moda and Betty all to himself.

Mario, The Love Guru, Calderon takes advantage of Armando's ego and his confused state of mind as of late to play him like a fidel and for some reason still when Armando finally confesses his real feelings for Betty to him he acts surprised.

Armando isn't a saint. He still willinging went along with the plan to make Betty fall in love so when Betty asked him "what about me?" he showed his true colors of selfishness because he dismissed her feelings. He dismissed the potential heartbreak and downfall of a woman who has been exceptional with him, who he recognizes as exceptional and yet for his ego and his company he used her like a pawn, even if it was his favorite one, he didn't care.

For him right now Betty is just an object that he likes a lot and these scene show us that.

[EDIT: While yes I still think Armando still views Betty as an object, this next scene shows us that that is starting to change.]

As the scene continues Mario tries to downplay Armando's guilt by saying that he's basically doing charity work because no man, especially one like him[Armando] would ever be interested in, muchless court, a woman like Betty.

Armando goes to clarify what he's trying to saying.

"You don't understand what I'm trying to say. I'm going to end up causing her harm. See I can tell it's really easy to get her to fall in love. " Now we hear from that man of the hour, how he feels about Betty's kiss though he only describes the way she kisses him, his expressions and his tone of voices allows us to see that he likes her kisses and how they make him feel, however because he thinks she's "ugly" it's hard for him to understand this.

"Everytime she kisses me it's with such a tenderness, a sweetness, where she holds my face and stares at me with such an admiration, like if I were her idol." While he says he speaks of it with fondness and I must admit, lovingly.

He doesn't hate her kisses and he doesn't hate the way he feels about them. So he didn't wipe away Betty's kisses and brush his mouth because of Betty's kisses because he was disgusted. He did it for Marcela and her ego and his guilt because the kisses meant more to him than any other kisses he's ever given, that's why the first kiss was strange. That's why he is so confused about it but what stops him again from understanding the significance of these feelings is Betty's outer appearance.

This is now trekking away from the objectification of Betty to a more sentimental route where he no longer just views her as his possession but an actual person.

The moment Calderon jokes "It's because you are her idol." Armando shuts off, he stops trying to explain himself or his feelings and annoyed asks Mario what does he think of the whole thing then?

"When we recover Eco Moda, pay off our debts, and recover our money, what then? What happens to her? What happens with that relationship?"

"Well you do what you do with every girlfriend that becomes a burden. You fire her, you get rid of her."

Remember that Armando was willing to fire Claudia, until Mario made him feel guilty for the lecture he gave him about Aura Maria. Even then after Marcela asked for her head he didn't hesitate to talk to Hugo about it, who gave him a lecture about it.

However he was hesitant to fire Betty, even before there was any romance involved. He didn't want to get rid of her so now that Mario says that once she gives them back everything they can get rid of her Armando looks at him in disbelief and angry.

Armando really doesn't want to ever have Betty outside of his life and he can't imagine his life without her in it in someway or form.

Now, Patty goes in yelling, Armando shows up, kindly speaks to Betty while aggressively speaks to Patty.

Again this display's Armando's guilt but also his desire to make Betty happy by treating her well.

[fresh-prince-of-denmark]

Cyberpunk 2077 Literary Analysis Pt 7: Leave me Alone, Hemingway, You’re Supposed to be Dead

Surprise bitch I bet you thought you’d seen the last of me.

Cyberpunk spoilers ahead!

Cyberpunk meta literary analysis masterpost here 

Okay, so I thought I would be done with this, but it kinda feels like Hemingway has me by the left asscheek and won’t let me go as of late. So here we are: Cyberpunk literature meta-analysis part 7: For Whom the Bell Tolls

Hemingway comes up a few times in Cyberpunk, too many times to ignore. It’s not surprising, really. We know that Johnny is actually a pretty well-read guy from some of his passing comments, and if I had to guess, he’d probably really connect to Hemingway. In fact, if you play Johnny’s ending with Rogue, the final quest is called “For Whom the Bell Tolls” (which is also cool since it keeps the theme of all the missions being song titles, as this is also a Metallica song). But for once, this analysis isn’t entirely about Johnny or V. Hopefully this rings a bell (pun intended), as we’re very explicitly told who else really connected to Hemingway.  

Jackie Wells.

During the quest Heroes, Mama Wells will ask you to go through Jackie’s garage to find something for the ofrenda. One option is a book, For Whom the Bell Tolls by Earnest Hemingway. Misty will comment that he used to read it before a big job, and that it was important to him. If you choose to bring the book for the ofrenda, V will “read from the book” (I put this in quotes because the passage they read has actually been misattributed, it is a Hemingway quote, but not from FWTBT, rather from another of his works titled “Men at War”):

“When you go to war as a boy, you have a great illusion of immortality. Other people get killed, not you... Then, when you are badly wounded the first time, you lose that illusion, and you know it can happen to you.”

The majority of our main characters start out as The Fool, naive and feeling like they’re on top of the world, the kind of hubris that can only come with youth. Yet, like Hemingway says, it takes a bullet to give one a dose of reality.

For Whom the Bell Tolls is a story of war. Our protagonist, Robert Jordan (I’d be really interested to know if Johnny’s birth name, Robert John Linder, was inspired by this), leaves his cushy job as a college instructor in the United States to join the Republican side in the Spanish Civil War. Robert begins the novel fairly bland; he has no real friends, no real family, and he feels completely disconnected from the world. In all honesty, he’s boring. Like, if wet cardboard were a person. He doesn’t really care if he lives or dies, not because he’s a badass, but because he really doesn’t have anything to lose. No passion, no connections, nothing he loves that ties him to this earth despite the fact that he is a man of such strong convictions that he willingly joins this war. Robert is tasked with destroying a bridge, meeting comrades of varying philosophies along the way, who become a kind of found family to him. Despite going out of his way to avoid making connections, he falls in love, not just with the love interest Maria, but with his friends, finally giving him something worth fighting for, something connecting him to this life. The novel concludes as the group finally blow up the bridge (a task done in vain, since the Republican side has ultimately sustained more losses than the Fascists), and Robert is injured. He convinces the others to leave him behind so he can buy them time to escape. The novel ends just as it begins; our protagonist lying in wait in a forest, gun in hand, “heart to the ground,” on a bed of pine needles. (For more on cycles/mirrors/reflections, see here).

While there’s a much larger political message here that could parallel the themes of Cyberpunk, I want to focus more on the philosophical side, as it ties in with my previous analysis much more coherently. The biggest theme of this novel is about how interpersonal relationships are what matter most in this life, which is summarized very nicely by the poem by John Donne which not only lends the novel it’s name, but serves as it’s opening epitaph:

No man is an island,

Entire of itself.

Each is a piece of the continent,

A part of the main.

If a clod be washed away by the sea,

Europe is the less.

As well as if a promontory were.

As well as if a manor of thine own

Or of thine friend's were.

Each man's death diminishes me,

For I am involved in mankind.

Therefore, send not to know

For whom the bell tolls,

It tolls for thee.

This poem and the overall meaning of the book work on two levels. The most obvious is that we all die one day, that mortality is fleeting. But on another level, No man is an island. Our identity is tied within our communities, those that love us, and those we live for. “Therefore, send not to know/For whom the bell tolls/It tolls for thee.” Each time a person dies, a piece of all those who loved them dies with them. Funerals are not just for the deceased, but for us, a chance to bury the pieces of ourselves that died with them. “Each is a piece of the continent/Apart of the main/If a clod be washed away by the sea/Europe is the less.”

Johnny is incredibly similar to Robert Jordan. Despite knowing a lot of people and having a lot of connections, Johnny is not particularly loved, and that feeling is mutual. He even tells V that they are the only person who knows him that that doesn’t hate his guts. Both Robert and Johnny are men who base their morals and identity solely on principal and ideals; standing up for what is right, fighting against oppression, rebellion, but that passion is not borne from interpersonal relationships and connections. It is made of hate of the world, not love of their fellow man. This leads to one of Johnny’s fatal flaws; he did not fear death, because he did not feel as if he had anything to lose. He was consumed and driven by hate, not love, leading to all of his failed relationships. Had Johnny something to lose, he may not have taken all of the stupid the risks he did, acting as if he did not care about his own life.

V, in many ways, parallels Maria, Robert’s love interest in the novel. While Robert salvation lies in the love he has for all of his newfound friends, the main focus is on the love interest, Maria. Here’s an interesting bit of dialogue between Maria and Robert:

"Now, feel. I am thee and thou art me and all of one is the other. And I love thee, oh, I love thee so. Are you not truly one? Canst thou not feel it?"

"Yes," he said, "it is true."

"And feel now. Thou hast no heart but mine."

"Nor any other legs, nor feet, nor of the body."

"But we are different," she said. "I would have us exactly the same."

"You do not mean that." (20.66-71)

In this moment, Robert and Maria are talking about how they feel as if they have fused into the same person, as if they share a body. Yet there is a key difference in how they view their relationship: Maria wishes that they were exactly the same, while Robert states that she doesn’t mean that. Similarly, while Johnny seems to enjoy the growth he and V provide one another, his greatest fear is V/himself being changed into something they are not. Hmmmm….

Johnny and V are very different people by the end of Cyberpunk, finding meaning in relationships just as Robert has. For V, this means Judy, River, Panem, Kerry, Misty, Vik, etc. And for Johnny, this means V, and by extension, all of the people who make up V’s identity through their love and friendship. Despite dying and rising again as lines of code, V is able to finally show Johnny what it means to be human. His journey, I believe, can be accurate summed up by this quote from the novel:

“This was the greatest gift that he had, the talent that fitted him for war; that ability not to ignore but to despise whatever bad ending there could be. This quality was destroyed by too much responsibility for others or the necessity of undertaking something ill planned or badly conceived. For in such things the bad ending, failure, could not be ignored. It was not simply a possibility of harm to one's self, which could be ignored. He knew he himself was nothing, and he knew death was nothing. He knew that truly, as truly as he knew anything. In the last few days he had learned that he himself, with another person, could be everything. But inside himself he knew that this was the exception. That we have had, he thought. In that I have been most fortunate. That was given to me, perhaps, because I never asked for it. That cannot be taken away nor lost. But that is over and done with now on this morning and what there is to do now is our work.”

In addition, Robert’s final conversation with Maria as he is convincing the others to leave him behind so he can buy them time to escape is nearly identical to Johnny and V’s final conversation:

"Listen to this well, rabbit," he said. He knew there was a great hurry and he was sweating very much, but this had to be said and understood. "Thou wilt go now, rabbit. But I go with thee. As long as there is one of us there is both of us. Do you understand?" (43.319)

Here, Robert is telling Maria that because they are the same, only one of them needs to survive in order for them both to live. Compare that to what Johnny tells V:

V: For fucks sake, defend yourself! You’re not even trying!

Johnny: Hmm…sounds kind of familiar. We know that attitude. See, V? Stayin’ with you whether you like it or not.”

This scene is further paralleled by the fact that V crosses a bridge to reach Mikoshi, which is set to be destroyed, just as Robert was tasked with destroying the bridge. Furthermore, in the Suicide ending, the overall theme is about how V “never realized just how many friends they had.” Friends who, in all other endings, were willing to die for V, as losing them meant a piece of themselves dying with them. Similarly, Robert considers killing himself as his friends escape, as the pain of his injury becomes too much to bear. However, he is comforted knowing that his sacrifice will mean that they live, telling himself, "I don't mind this at all now they are away.” Despite now having something to live for, like Johnny, they are still able to brave their deaths as now they have been given meaning. And not just any meaning; love. No longer hate, or rage, or blind idealism. Love. 

This is the overall message of Cyberpunk: maybe you won’t change the world. Maybe you won’t win the war. Maybe your sacrifice isn’t going to change history. Maybe, in the grand scheme of the universe, you don’t matter, and you won’t ever be a legend. But you do matter to the people in your life. No man is an island. We were made to be in each other’s lives, to love one another, to change one another for the better. And that’s what life is all about.

[theseshipsshallsail]

There’s a new club in the Village - Infinity emblazoned in bright, neon letters - and naturally, the building is jam-packed with society’s outcasts on its opening weekend. Oliver grimaces, pressing his third beer to the side of his face, yet the condensation does nothing to soothe his overheated skin. It’s like a furnace of writhing bodies, and with every bead of sweat that bisects his neck to soak into his collar, he can’t help but wonder why he ever agreed to come in the first place.  

“Drink up,” Vanessa says, brandishing a bright amber concoction as she slides into the booth opposite him. “You look like you need something a little stronger.”  

Oliver raises an eyebrow as he returns the bottle to the table, then plucks the wedge of orange peel from the rim of the proffered glass. It’s been three years since he tasted a negroni, and the potent combination of gin, Campari, and vermouth sends his mind reeling in directions he usually fights tooth and nail to avoid. 

“Remind me again why you brought me here?” he asks, trying not to wince at the bitter aftertaste. “This isn’t exactly my scene.”

Vanessa scoffs. “Well, if you ever left your study...”

“I’m up for promotion!”

“You’ll be up for an ulcer if you don’t slow down. Besides, you deserve to let loose after... you know.”

You know, meaning his divorce, and the eighteen month shit-storm that preceded it.

Vanessa has the office next to his, and in between general grousing about University politics they’ve become close friends. It helps, of course, that she understands his situation all too well, and even though her parents never tried to strong-arm her to the altar, she and her girlfriend still have to hide their relationship from the rest of their colleagues.

Oliver sighs as he takes a second sip of his drink. “It’ll take more than a one night stand to loosen me up,” he tells her, and the filthy smirk that curls Vanessa’s lips has him tempted to bang his forehead against the table.

“Whatever tickles your pickle, Professor.”

“Why do I put up with you?”

“Hell if I know.” Slurring somewhat, she taps their cocktails together, and Oliver laughs as she leans forward, poking him in the chest. “Listen, Ollie, you and Micol did a spectacular job of making yourselves miserable, but at least you stayed faithful ‘til the end. Why not enjoy yourself, yeah?” 

“Why not indeed?” 

He’s aiming for sarcastic, yet his tone falls somewhere short of exhausted. She’s right, he realises, but Oliver hasn’t had much interest in men or women for a while. He’s not so deep in denial to admit his heart still belongs to another, and being hopelessly in love with someone he can’t have has done a real number on his libido.

“Damn! This place is heaving!” Simone says, slumping in her seat when she returns from the bathroom. Slinging an arm around Vanessa’s shoulder she drops a quick kiss to her cheek, and Oliver averts his eyes, the casual intimacy leaving him yearning for the impossible. “A few too many student-types for my liking, though. Makes me feel like I’m back in the theatre department.”

“Makes me feel like I’m pushing thirty,” Oliver mutters, painfully aware of the significantly younger crowd as he tugs at the cheap material of his shirt. Too many curries and not enough exercise has made him self-conscious of the few extra pounds at his waistline, and depressingly, twenty-eight feels ancient in comparison. 

“You wanna call it a night?” Vanessa asks, and Oliver nods absently as his gaze catches on a couple in the middle of the dancefloor. 

Caught in a world of their own, they make a striking picture. The taller of the pair is bleached-blond and athletic, his arms wrapped tightly around the slim waist of the man in front of him in a surprisingly protective gesture. Oliver can’t see his partner clearly from this angle, but his skin is pale and shimmering as they move to the beat, dark curls falling in a tousled mess. Whether it’s by artful design or sweat-damp from dancing, he can’t quite tell, yet Oliver is hypnotized by the way they bounce as he loses himself to the music, obscuring his vision until the other man reaches forward, gently brushing them away.  

The bass pounds in his rib cage, and Oliver’s throat feels constricted as he watches the brunette link his hands behind his lover's neck. Profile half in shadows, he raises up on tiptoes to whisper in the shell of his ear, and Oliver experiences a crisis of tenderness when he butts their temples together. Something squirms in his stomach. Something raw and envious. Memories flare, unfair and brutal, and he immediately blames the burning of his retinas on the relentless assault of the strobe lights surrounding them. 

“Oliver? You okay?”

No. 

Definitely not.

The jostling crowd causes the blond to alter their position, and Oliver’s head spins from more than just the alcohol as his blood runs cold in his veins. 

“Elio…” he murmurs, vaguely aware of Vanessa’s stifled gasp when she tries to get a better look.

“Your Elio?”

He wants it not to be - wants his eyes to be deceiving him - yet there’s no denying the truth. All that he’s forgotten - all that he’s clung to - coalesces in a rush of unslaked longing, and between one blink and the next, Oliver remembers everything. 

“Not anymore,” he whispers, but then, why would he be? 

Elio was seventeen when they first met, and Oliver isn’t naive enough to think he hasn’t fallen in and out of love many times since then. He’s beautiful, intelligent, talented beyond measure. Was he really so arrogant to imagine he would still be single? Pining for him, maybe? Saving himself? And for what? A six week romance one too-hot Italian summer? Something his cowardice cut short with a long-distance phone call?

He was, wasn’t he?

Arrogant. 

And so very stupid.

“Of all the gay bars in all the world…” Vanessa takes a swig of her piña colada as he continues to spiral. “I thought you said he lived in Italy?” 

“He did,” Oliver replies, picking at his thumbnail. “He moved here for school.”

“And you didn't contact him?”

“To say what?” His ears ring from the shrillness of her tone. “Hey, Elio. Remember that time I broke both our hearts ‘cause I’m a gutless schmuck? How about I buy you a coffee to make up for it?”

“It would’ve been a start.”

“It would’ve been selfish,” he says, tearing his eyes away. “He has enough on his plate with Juilliard. I’d only get in the  -”

“Juilliard?” Simone’s low whistle interrupts his self-reproach. “Impressive.”

“Son of a professor,” Oliver explains. “I always knew he was a genius.” He gathers himself with a quiet huff. “Though he’ll probably say he knows nothing.” The spark of nostalgia is crippling, and it takes everything he has not to break down on the spot. “I should go,” he says, draining the remains of his drink as he rises to his feet. 

“Oliver -”

“Why don’t you come back to ours?” Vanessa offers, making to follow, but whatever expression is on his face causes Simone to catch her by the wrist.

“We’re here if you need us, alright?”

“I know,” he says, eternally grateful for their support as he pushes some cab money into her hand. “Get home safe. I’ll call you in the morning, okay?”

“You’d better,” Vanessa tells him, obstinate in her concern, yet all he can focus on right now is leaving.

The swirling thoughts inside his head are all-consuming, but Oliver is determined to reign in his emotions for a little while longer. Ignoring the way his shoes stick to the tacky vinyl flooring, he grits his teeth as he snakes his way through the crush of humanity. He needs space. Fresh air. Hell, a damn time machine wouldn’t go amiss. He has nobody to blame but himself, and he’s halfway to the exit sign when his pace grinds to a halt, his masochistic streak unable to resist one last glimpse. 

A flash of irrational panic makes him breathe in deep - hold it for a count of three - and when he turns to scan the roiling bodies that fill up the dance floor, he finds them immediately. The shock doesn’t lessen, and if Oliver thought his heart had broken when they’d clung to one another on a train station platform, it’s naught compared to when Elio tips the other man’s chin up with the same fingers that used to play his body like a finely tuned instrument. White noise fills his ears as he ghosts a kiss to his lips - two chaste pecks at first - and then harder. Hungry. Mouths open. Tongues swirling. Deep and dirty. 

Just the way he likes it.

Fool that he is, Oliver doesn’t turn away. But he’s not the only one. Their bawdy display has garnered a small audience of the jealous and horny, and when the cat-calls eventually die down he notices a clearly disappointed red-head stalk past them on route to her table of friends. 

Time has not domesticated him, it seems, and Oliver feels like crying as the world returns frame by frame - the oscillating pulse of the dance track. The lightning burst of colour from the laser system above. An innate sense of powerlessness floods through him - the depths of which he hasn’t experienced since Elio sobbed against his chest in an attic bedroom - and a heavy weight settles in his belly as he recognises the cues and rituals that were once directed at him alone. 

Elio has obviously flourished in his absence. His body language is looser, more relaxed, assured in a way his younger self could only dream of, and Oliver allows an almost-smile as the couple laugh for a moment before turning to walk away. 

His fingers itch for a cigarette - a habit he’s struggling to waive - and the next thing he knows he’s taking a seat at the bar, a double shot of bourbon in his hand he doesn’t remember ordering, and a screaming admonishment from his better judgement to not do anything stupid. 

All I had to do was find the courage to reach out and touch, Elio said once, rife with self-mockery, and Oliver’s advice was to try again later. Was this it? Their later? And if not now, when? Because whatever his feelings of bitterness - whatever his misguided envy - if he lets this opportunity pass him by, he will always wonder. Always look. 

In truth, he already does. 

Ever since Samuel mentioned Elio was moving to the States, he’s carried the idle fantasy of crossing paths in some random book store, eyes locking across a busy street, a name - his, theirs, both - shouted across a bustling coffee shop. Of all eventualities, though, he hasn’t prepared for an Elio who might not be happy to see him. Who might dismiss him. Cast him aside like some ill-fitting chapter in the editing process. The context is all wrong, and for it to happen like this is akin to being plunged into the icy waters of the berm.

“Accidenti!” an achingly familiar voice says from somewhere behind him. “Are all Americans incapable of taking a hint? Or is it just an East Coast thing?”

“It’s the accent, mio amico. Fries their brains.”

“Never mind their brains,” Elio replies in the same lazy drawl. “I think you’ve sprained my tonsils.”

There’s a snicker to his left, and like a moth to a flame, Oliver peers up into the mirror behind the bar, only to find his living nightmare mere meters away, sharing a cigarette. Elio’s still wearing the same bracelets he did that summer, and three years of sleepwalking collapses around him as Oliver hunches over, palms sweating. 

“Seriously though,” the blond continues. “Look at this place! Wall-to-wall entreés, and you won’t so much as skim the menu. You’re spoiled for choice, compagno.”

Elio scoffs as he brings the filter to his lips. “Didn’t I tell you choice is an illusion?”

“As is time, according to Adams.” The man slings an arm over his shoulders. “And here you are, free as a bird, wasting the perfect opportunity.” 

Elio flips him the middle finger. “Stronzo,” he says, leaving Oliver more confused than ever as he studies him over the rim of his glass. “It’s a curse.”

“Self-inflicted, maybe.”

“So what’s the answer? And don’t say forty-two.”

The guy chuckles. “Variety,” he says, signalling the harried bartender. “Things didn’t work out with the violinist - I get it. È la vita! You’re not in the mood for pushy red-heads? Fine. But don’t sell yourself short. Trust Fund Tina’s not the only one checking you out.”

“Perhaps.”

“What perhaps?” A knowing smirk shoots in Oliver’s direction. “See for yourself.”

It’s like experiencing the first tremor of an earthquake. Elio was always a force of nature, and bracing for disaster, Oliver feels the fault lines buckle beneath him. He thought he was done letting fear and shame dictate his life, yet even now, at peace with his true self, he can’t bear to witness the seismic shift between past and present. Instead, he falls back on avoidance, tearing strips off a frayed beer mat until the hair prickles at his nape.

He can feel it - the instant his fate is sealed - and taking a deep breath Oliver returns his eyes to the mirror, meeting Elio’s stunned features. Dark brows climb towards his hairline as the happiness on his face shifts into something else. Something measured. Unrecognisable. A blank slate, almost. For a moment, Oliver fears he’s going to ignore him completely, but then Elio straightens his spine, offers the half-smoked cigarette to his friend, and with a few whispered words strides forward with purpose.

His daring is a law unto himself, but the look he’s giving him now exudes superiority - omniscience, almost - as if he can read every thought that’s going on inside Oliver’s mind, and has already deemed them wanting. It shouldn’t be such a turn on, yet his heart skips a beat regardless. Then another. Every instinct in his body tells him to reach out, to hold Elio’s hand, tuck those wild curls behind his ear, but it’s no longer his place - if it ever really was to begin with - so Oliver takes a deliberate sip of his whiskey, scared and aroused simultaneously, before swivelling towards him.

“Oliver.” His name on Elio’s lips - three smooth syllables - and he feels reborn. “Long time no see.” Hesitating, he offers up a pack of Luckies. “Fumo?”

“I shouldn’t,” he says, dragging trembling fingers through his hair. “I told myself I’d quit. God knows it won't take much to -” 

“Tempt you?” 

Heat rises to Oliver’s cheeks. “Yes,” he admits, and Elio’s smile is a shallow, brittle thing. 

“Well, you know yourself,” he says, returning the cigarette carton to his pocket. “Don’t let me ruin your good intentions.”

His flippancy is like a red rag to a bull, and Oliver’s hackles rise as he sets his drink on the counter, irritated enough by Elio’s calm exterior to try and provoke a reaction. “Is your boyfriend not the jealous type?” 

All he receives is an eye roll. “Bruno’s not my boyfriend.”

“Could’ve fooled me. From what I saw earlier.”

“You saw nothing,” Elio replies, defensive. “We’re friends. Roommates.”

“Roommates?” Rising from his stool, Oliver takes a step towards him. “That kiss -” 

“Is none of your business. Not anymore.” 

It hits him like a punch to the gut. Oliver’s lips part, but no sound passes between them. He’s being irrational, he’ll accept, but old habits die hard, and through sheer force of will he quashes down his guilt, knowing better than to use it as a weapon. 

“Of course,” he says, chastened. “You’re right.” 

“I usually am.” 

“Elio…” This isn’t how he wants the conversation to go. “I know it’s too much to expect your forgiveness, but please don’t be angry with me. We were friends, once. Before anything else.”

“I’m not angry.” A beat. “Not anymore.” Tipping his chin, Elio folds his arms in front of him. One more barrier despite the brush-off. “I’m processing.“

“Processing?”

“Yes, processing. Originates from the Old French proces. Related to the Latin processus, and from the verb procedere in Middle English.”

“Wise ass.”

“Sempre.” Elio shrugs, watching him openly. “What are you doing here, Oliver?”

“My friends saw the flyers,” he says, bypassing the here, specifically, when Elio’s attention drops a few inches lower, and he realises he’s staring at his ring finger.

At the white line that’s all but vanished since he signed his way to freedom.

“You’re…”

Oliver clears his throat. “Divorced,” he manages, shuffling his feet. “Almost three months now.”

“Divorced?” Elio’s mask slams back into place, the distress in his voice palpable. “Why?”

And there are so many things he could say to that - the stress of his job, money, differing expectations - but this is Elio. His first love. His forever love. He, above anyone, deserves the truth. 

“I think you know why.”

“Do I?” That same phony indifference. “What the eyes see, and the ears hear, the mind believes.” 

“The truth is never that simple.”

“Not for us, it seems. Not in this world.” Elio gives his head a small but firm shake, blowing out a frustrated breath. “You know, tonight was supposed to lower my stress levels, not raise them,” he says, granting them a temporary reprieve. “But then, you always were hazardous to my blood pressure.”

“Trust me. The feeling’s mutual,” Oliver tells him wryly. “Might I recommend some deep breaths?”

“Deep breaths?” Elio rocks back on his heels. “If I had any peaches I’d be using my right hand.”

It catches him unawares, and Oliver can't help it. He snorts. Overcome by relief. Then he laughs - a weak sound, and damn near helpless - but a laugh, nonetheless. Cupping a palm to his mouth. Moving it to his eyes. Feeling the tears he’s been fighting since this whole debacle began.

“My God you’re incorrigible,” he mutters, the sharp stab of regret cutting him to the core as he glances over his shoulder, and the blond - Bruno - shoots him a wink. “When you said I saw nothing...”

The hesitant curve of Elio’s smile lights a fire in his chest. “There was a girl on the dance floor who wouldn’t take no for an answer. Lucky for me, Bruno’s never been shy about putting on a convincing performance.” 

Oliver winces. “Well, I bought it.”

“Mission accomplished, then.” Elio edges closer. “I could’ve said the same for you, once upon a time.” The air between them grows charged. “Do you ever miss it?” he asks. “Italy, I mean?”

“Every single day.” Oliver finds himself captivated by the smattering of stubble along Elio’s jawline. The touch of smudged kohl beneath his lashes that turns his gaze smouldering. “Do you?”

“In a way.”

“Just a way?” He’s not entirely certain they’re talking about the same thing, and Vanessa’s advice seems all the more pertinent. “Let me buy you a coffee?” Oliver asks, and Elio frowns.

“What? Now?”

“If you like.” 

“It’s gone midnight!” 

“Tomorrow, then. Whenever you’re available.” Suddenly desperate, he closes the gap between them. “I can’t excuse my actions, Elio - I know I can’t - but at the very least I owe you an explanation.”

“Oliver...” This time it’s Elio who reaches out, his usually steady hands uncertain as they entwine with his. “I was young, not stupid. What’s there to forgive? You left because you had to. You married because -”

“I was weak.”

“Cazatte!” The tension in Elio’s body snaps back like a coil. “My father would have carted me off to a correctional facility,” he murmurs, squeezing his fingers tightly. “I’ll never forget those words.” 

“I’m sorry...”

“Don’t be!” Elio sounds furious on his behalf. “Weak, you say? No. Control over others is the true weakness. Coercion. Conformity. All it does is breed hatred. And that’s not you. Not my Oliver.” 

“Am I still?” he asks, laying his cards out on the table. “Your Oliver?”

“I guess we’ll find out, won’t we?” 

Oliver swallows thickly. “I guess we will,” he says, dropping his forehead to Elio’s crown.

He’s braver at twenty-one than Oliver could have dared imagine, and for the first time in years the dull ache beneath his ribs is replaced by a different sort of craving. The way they fit together so easily, like no time has passed, fans the banked passions within him - the desire to press his lips against Elio’s neck, to nip his way along countless freckles until he can fist those unruly curls and guide his mouth back to where it belongs. 

Flush against his. 

Devouring.

But not yet.

This isn’t leading to sex. Not tonight. This is about reconciliation. Reassurance. Redemption.

“There’s a late-night diner on the corner…”

It’s a whisper against his cheek - so quiet he barely hears it - and Oliver leans down, pressing his face to Elio’s collarbone, breathing him in. He knows this won’t be easy - knows there will be dark clouds before the dawn - yet here they are, older and wiser, and three years might as well be yesterday as the parting crowds provide a temporary island in which to weather the storm.

[bonsai62]

Part 1: The Compatibility between Pisces and Capricorn

Hello everyone! Today, since I am hella bored and have nothing to do this fine evening, I am going to talk about the relationship between our two boys; Yuji and Megumi and how much they represent their signs so much.

Before I get started, I am not going to talk about their sex life even though it’s kinda important if you are into astrology, however, for this case I won’t because both of them are minors. But if you want to read more about their comparability then be my guess and look at the underline links. I will provide links in the discussion so you can have a better understanding on how the signs are and use manga pages for you to visually see it.

Also, excuse my English. I am very bad at it! Even though it’s my first language I still have lots of errors in my writing!

Also beware of manga spoilers too!!

Let’s get started on this very long essay!

Traits of a Pisces: Itadori Yuji

Positive: Compassionate (top), empathetic (middle), & creative (bottom)

We also have: Warm/gentle, caring, intellectual, animal lover, and romantic

Here we have the positive side of a Pisces and let me tell you it screams Yuji so damn much. Yuji is such a compassionate guy. I don’t think I have never seen a character who is very compassionate like Yuji (I have but we are talking about Yuji here lol). He can empathize with a whole lot of people and no matter what the situation is he understands. Yuji doesn’t need to have the same experience as someone because he can feel and get in their head to make him understand what their going through. Which brings me to that he has a really high empathy level when it comes to people (I can relate a lot because I have the same thing). However, having a lot of empathy isn’t all that’s cracked up to be but I’ll talk about it soon.

A Pisces is also very creative and they love hobbies. One of Yuji’s favorite hobbies is, I have a feeling is sports but that just based on what his old school thought of him + the baseball game. Plus cooking! Cooking is an amazing hobby and it lets you get creative with your hands and skills! I like to imagine that he is the best cook throughout the school and loves to share with his classmates and have them rate his cooking lol! Cooking is also a relief of stress so I can also imagine him having a bad day and just ends up being in the kitchen.

Now....

Negative: Overly emotional (top), impressionable (bottom), closed off (middle)

I messed up the order lol

We also have: melancholy, lazy, stubborn, moodiness, etc

Yuji is a very emotional person. We have seen him at his best and at his worse. He is such an emotional person that he felt bad for killing Choso’s brothers. His emotions gets the best of him when Junpei died, Megumi was hurt, seeing what Sukuna has done in Shibuya, and Nanamin/Nobara getting destroyed by Mahito. It’s an unhealthy feeling because we’ve seen Yuji get distracted with his injured friends and him kinda fucking up on his fighting. Another unhealthy trait that Yuji had is not talking about himself. We’ve seen him not talk about his feelings and I mean personal deep feelings that’s always going to be in the back of his head. Like when Megumi knows that something happened to Yuji but Yuji simple doesn’t want to talk about and closes it. He doesn’t really like talking about himself and rather hear other people/helping other people rather than face his own demons. If he’s facing his own demons, he rather be doing it on his own.

I also want to point out that many people think that he gets over people’s death hella easily. No... that is not true whatsoever. The boy has been through so much trauma that eventually you just get so tired of crying about it and you don’t have the energy anymore, you eventually start telling yourself “it is what it is” or “what can I do now?”. Noabra is a perfect example. He didn’t need to cry because he had the biggest mental breakdown when it happened. So when he asked Megumi about her status... he just had to say “alright”.

In my theories... she is definitely alive. Again, Gege is playing half of you guys. She is gonna pop out in the next couple of chapters or even the one coming up next.

Another things that I find interesting in Yuji which according to the links I put, Pisces tend to trust people easily:

Ease of being cheated: A desire to see the best things in other people makes the Two Fish very impressionable individuals. They trust others without any suspicions and often suffer from their frivolity. Any pressure of stronger people is accepted as a command for them and they easily agree with them without any doubts.

For instant, Todo and Choso. Those two mf were about to kill him but they didn’t because of what Yuji’s mind fuck did (I know Gege sensei said that isn’t a theory but still it’s mind fuck lol) He instantly call Todo his best friend like I can hear Nobara (Big sis) twitching somewhere lol. Whenever I think of Yuji and Todo’s relationship, I think of Vinny and Paula D from Jersey Shore haha!

Any who, while trusting people isn’t a bad thing, you still don’t know what their intentions are and everything. It’s a very naive thing to do.

But I felt for Yuji and Choso... Yuji didn’t have much of a choice...

I would like to know what changed Yuji’s mind into staying with Choso. I’m curious how Yuji “trusted” being with Choso after everything that went down. Yuji is a very forgiving character too (minus Mahito). But now, I think we can see that Choso has no bad intentions towards Yuji because he “might” be his brother. And their so cute too!!

On to our other boy!

Traits of a Capricorn: Megumi Fushiguro

Positive: Resourcefulness (top), discipline/patient (middle: also thank @pantherbeamish for the photos!), and reliability (bottom)

We also have: Responsibility, loyalty, diligence, team player, etc

Megumi is a very interesting character. Whenever I see him I get more interested in him. He is exactly what you would describe a Capricorn. We have seen Megumi be resourceful when it comes understanding how curse energy works thanks to him. He is very detailed when it comes to explaining and also a very patient man when Yuji, who doesn’t know jack shit about the Jujutsu world. Never, not once, does Megumi call Yuji an idiot for not knowing all these things. That’s what makes him amazing because if it were other Shonen mangas, the “rival” would’ve called Yuji an idiot. The only time Megumi ever calls Yuji an idiot is when Yuji literally does or says something stupid. To me, that is normal and not being a dick about it because we all know that if we had a friend like Yuji we would’ve stared at him like “why are you like this...”

It’s me... I’m a lot like Yuji lol

But no, he is very patient and tries to explain everything to Yuji as best as he can. I have this thing where almost everyone relies on Megumi a lot because he’s a serious guy + very responsible with his tasks. We see Maki trusting Megumi too. Like the time when Megumi was hyping Yuji up saying he can beat everyone in the Kyoto school if they didn’t use curse energy (something like that lol). Yuji also can confirm himself that Megumi is very reliable. He mentioned it while back at the prison because both sibling duo thought they were lost.

Negative: Sensitivity (top), seriousness (middle), reservation (bottom)

We also have: Unforgiving, criticism, suspicion, pickiness, etc

Just like Yuji, we have seen Megumi’s negative side a lot but it’s simply because he’s sensitive and thinks logically. Sometimes, I also feel like he thinks through his heart as well but that’s just me. That is where the sensitivity comes along. Megumi is hella sensitive he doesn’t need to show it because you can feel it.

In the article:

Sensitivity: It is better not to offend Capricorns who are very sensitive people. They can’t stand being laughed at and remain serious in public but feel badly deeply in their souls. Even a minor joke can result in resentment from their side!

In many, many occasions we have seen everyone fucking around or getting on Megumi’s nerves, especially in our recent Jujustroll where Gojo is saying a bunch of nonsense and embarrassing tf out of Megumi. His seriousness gets in the way and that’s what makes him sensitive.

On the side note: I also wanted to add something. As I was reading a few articles, some mentioned that Capricorns are... bland. Please, Capricorns!! No me ataques! I just find it interesting that someone, like Todo, who thinks Megumi is boring. Todo honestly thought he was boring since he first asked him what was his type and while Megumi gave us the best answer, Todo expected something more fun. But no, it was boring. Also, Megumi lives a simple life. Now, I’m not saying that Megumi is boring because as a matter of fact I like how simple he is. He likes to keep things neutral. Personally, on his activities he is considered “bland” and honestly, I can see why but I would still go out my way to enjoy it with him if I was his significant other lol I also feel like he has a good sense of style in fashion. I’m saying that judging from the official arts + “Lost In Paradise” because in that ED Megumi be looking like a bowl of fruits. A bowl of snacks lmao!

But, anyways! Megumi is also reserved to himself. He does not like talking about himself at all (hon hon does that sound like someone?). He doesn’t open up to a lot of people but I kinda feel like he does with Gojo but that’s just because Gojo raised him and he just knows when Megumi is feeling a certain way. Also, I bet Gojo just knows when Megumi is having a bad day too. We witnessed him just being in his own bubble in the current arc that is happened in the anime. Yuji and Nobara calls him out about him being so reserved to himself. He does eventually tells them what is going on, but it takes a lot for a Capricorn to open up and it’s totally understandable. I feel as if you want a Capricorn to open up, you have to let them give you time for them to get to know you. Give them your intentions and put in the effort to make them trust you.

Now in to the fun part!!

1. Trust:

Positive:

Articles 1: They will often understand each other well enough to respect their relationship and keep it clear of dishonesty

I’m a use this imagine again btw because this speaks their relationship clearly

I think what I truly love about their relationship and love the idea of them being an endgame is the trust that they have for one another(even though someone is gonna die). They barely knew each other for 2 months and their chemistry is off the mf charts.

The picture above isn’t just them having an eye opening moment but the fact that they trust each other to save one another.

Megumi had saved Yuji so many time

Yuji had also saved Megumi so many times

Tbh, when I was thinking about Megumi coming in to save Yuji from Yuuta and Naoya, I thought it would be the same as when Yuji saved Megumi and Maki from Hanami, but we got something better. We got to see Megumi never doubting Yuji and always making sure that he gives him as many chances as he gives. I hope that sparks a realization for Yuji because sometimes I always felt that he doesn’t really acknowledges Megumi doing a whole lotta things for Yuji. I’m still complaining about it because if he can say “thank you, best friend” to Todo or “thank you, Kugisaki, for letting me know that I am not alone” to Nobara, then he should definitely see how much Megumi gives a fuck about him.

I expect a “thank for being by my side and never doubting me” for Megumi.

Articles 2: Pisces, who prefers to hand off important decision-making to dominant Capricorn, feeds into the goat’s need to be in control. On the flip side, Capricorn trusts Pisces to attend to its emotional needs—something that can be very difficult to allow at first.

This is interesting because a lot of the time Megumi is always making the plans and the choices. I feel like Yuji tends to rely on Megumi a lot because Yuji respects the way Megumi thinks (I’m not saying he doesn’t do that with anyone either).

Another thing is that:

“Capricorn trust Pisces to attend to its emotional needs-something that can be very difficult to allow at first”

I want to use Yuji asking Yuuta to kill him if Sukuna comes out especially for Megumi’s sake as an example of “emotional needs” because we see that Yuji does not want to be anywhere near Megumi because of Sukuna. In Yuji’s emotional state, he would rather have Yuuta kill him than Megumi. A lot of people also have this head canon that the reason why he asked Yuuta to kill him instead of Megumi is because Megumi already has a lot on his plate or something. I forgot the theory lol

But... I have a feeling that Megumi is gonna end up killing Yuji at the end because it should be him...

But yes,

Let’s see where things end with the current event that is happening now.

But unfortunately, I have to stop right here because Tumblr only allows 10 images in one post. Tragic!

I do hope you guys enjoy and please comment if I’m missing anything with them! Let’s hope I won’t take long with part 2 because I’m hella busy at times! Overall, tell me what you guys think!

[thatbrownb1tch]

I have a post TWK prompt Jude meets her mother’s wealthy parents and they try to set her up for an arranged marriage, And Cardan rescues her

Edit:

I definitely did not base everything off of Gilmore Girls.

“We have grandparents?” Anger fumed through me while Taryn stood in shock. “And you chose to keep this a secret for how long?”

“Jude, I didn’t tell you for many reasons but now that you seem to be, well nearing the end of your peak you must get some family if you’re not willing to settle down,” Madoc leaned back into his chair.

“What do you mean settle down? What? I’d marry some random monster like Locke? I’d rather die than ever marry anyone that I don’t care about,” I spoke the truth right now. Something I rarely did with Madoc.

“Taryn?” He moved off of me trying to figure out what his other daughter was feeling. It took a lot to get me to agree to meet with Madoc but it was even more difficult to get me to be in here with Taryn. I’m only doing it in case they try to kill Cardan or something but right now it doesn’t look like it.

“Where do they live?” Taryn finally spoke.

“Right outside Elfhame, in a large house by the country. They have many connections and you can easily go back and forth in case you’d like to form a connection which I’d rather you not do,” For someone so against us meeting them he’s telling us an awful lot about it. “Look, if you guys want you can see them, but you don’t need to, I was just doing my job,” He stood and began to make his way out of the room.

“You’re a little too late,” I called after him.

“At least he told us,” It’s typical of Taryn to do that. Agree with the one who caused us the most pain. This is exactly why she’s known as the optimist and why I’m the pessimist.

“Wow! It’s so great that he finally told us! Madoc is such a good person because he told us about our only biological family still alive that can possibly help up a decade after he kidnapped us!” Sarcasm erupted, it’s something I try not to do with her but right now she was really getting on my nerves.

“Jude,” She began, “I’m sorry. I understand why you’re so angry but please, let’s go see them.”

I narrowed my eyes, “you can go see them. But I’m not ruining their lives on top of what they already went through.”

“Excuse me?” Was she really this stupid?

“Don’t be so naive. They obviously had to go through the death of their daughter after she ran away. What do you think they went through after mom came here? And then after like 30 years we show up at their doorstep claiming to be their daughter’s kids? They probably haven’t even gotten over her death. Maybe you didn’t love our parents like me but I still mourn them,” I knew the last part wasn’t needed but sometimes she really made me feel like that. Taryn moved on so much faster. Vivi remembered them very vividly and had a good reason because of that but I never did. They just said I was being difficult for no reason when I was forced to live among monsters after I saw my own mother and father die by the hands of the man who’s been taking care of me.

“You really think that? I hope you know that I grieve them just like you and Vivi do. The only difference is I can hide it better unlike you two. Jude, deal with it. You’re not the only one with traumatic events who’s empathetic towards other people who lost their family. Don’t you think it’d make them feel better to know that they still have a piece of mom left?” How could she be so optimistic? If I was in their place I’d wish to forget everything, I’d wish to die in peace knowing that no one else would need to go through the pain I felt. Maybe something was just wrong with me.

“Fine, I’ll go but if everything goes wrong don’t blame me.”

She smiled sweetly, “Thank you.”

Vivi drove us to mom’s parent’s house. Well, technically our grandparents but I’m not sure if it’s okay to call them that yet. Vivi had called them earlier and made sure they knew we were coming, she said they’re sweet.

“Alright, we’re here,” Vivi didn’t leave the car, she didn’t follow us to the doorstep. She was related to them yet she didn’t come with us.

“Are you not coming?” I asked.

“Why? You guys deserve an actual family, I don’t want to see any more. They’ll just ruin my life again,” Every word she spoke made me feel more normal. I didn’t want more people to interfere when I was doing what I wanted. I was so close to getting a higher place on court.

“Alright then, Jude we better get going,” Taryn pushed us away from the car before I changed my mind. The house was gigantic, it was like a mansion, much bigger than a regular family-sized house. It was like Locke’s estate but more homely. It had a beautiful garden with a large driveway. It was in an ‘u’ shape. The house looked newer than the estates in Elfhame but it was still very grand and kept well for its age. I heard that most houses get very old here and start to crack but this one was taken care of.

“I don’t want to go,” I stated flatly as we reached the front doors. The door has a gold knob with a glass window but there were designs on it to keep people from outside to look inside. It was like a privacy barrier but it worked very well because I didn’t see the owners my grandparents walk up to the door and open it. I jumped a little, I wasn’t expecting that but Taryn was very ready with her gigantic smile.

“Hello girls!” The woman grinned widely while looking between the two of us. It was as if she was picking apart everything in our face and bodies, but we were identical so I’m not sure why her head went back and forth.

“Come in, please,” The man pushed his wife away a little and welcomed us inside. He was tall, and wore spectacles. They had a thin metal frame and were small for his face. They were circle shaped and he wore them a little done on his nose, it definitely made him look old. The woman had a short blackish Gray shirt and she wore a red pantsuit.

“Thank you,” Taryn was the first to speak between us and I could tell this was how most of the trip would end up going. They’d ask a question and Taryn would answer, and I’d just nod along. And like usual, I was completely right, an hour in and somehow the only thing I said was “thank you”. The man had introduced himself as Richard and the woman had said her name was Emily. They seemed like lovely people who wanted to get to know their grandchildren but we were all definitely uncomfortable and I was definitely a huge reason behind it.

“So, Jude, how are you?” Emily said it directly to me so Taryn couldn’t answer for me.

“I’m fine, how are you?” I would’ve used her name but I wasn’t sure if she’d like that.

“I’m great, so what are you two doing? School? I assume you’re around 17?”

“Uh, well I did go to school,” I started not sure how to explain to her that my foster father killed the prince during his coronation which made him a traitor and then the person who I thought cared about me actually loved my sister. Then, I made my enemy the king so that my little brother wouldn’t need to be on the throne and so that my foster father wouldn’t be given any power and now I’m the high king’s seneschal.

“We did but we graduated,” Taryn interrupts us so that I wouldn’t say anything stupid. That’s a great way to put it.

“That’s nice, so are you guys going to college?” Richard asked.

“Yes, well not exactly but we have jobs,” Another lie. Taryn is really going all out today with the lies.

“Is college even a thing there?” Emily looked at me.

“Where?” I wasn’t sure if they knew about Faerie but I couldn’t risk it.

“That place, the one which stole our daughter from us, the one which caused her death,” Emily said in such a sweet voice you wouldn’t be able to feel her rage unless you were looking directly at her eyes.

“Yes, we live there. College isn’t a thing and honestly the only thing we can do is either become a knight, a member of the court, or just get married,” I explained.

“So where are you two on the list? I’ve heard that girls get married around your age and we have a couple of boys that we’d love to set you two up with. They can also get you to very high places on the list, almost near the top with the king,” Richard jumped in.

“Well, you can’t help Taryn, she’s already found a place,” I felt their eyes on me and I had to get it off.

“Oh! Are you-?” Emily began.

“I’m betrothed,” Taryn finished with a glare that was shot in my direction.

“That’s great! Is he a good man? Will you be protected? Do you truly love him?” A ton of questions spilled out of Emily and all I could see in her face was grief. She missed mom and all of her questions gave away her intentions. She wanted to make sure we were safe, she wanted to make sure we weren’t going to make the same mistakes. I don’t think they’re that bad anymore. They’re trying to save me from Faerie. Something that only one other person has done and that’s Vivi.

“Yes, I really do. He makes me feel like I’m flying,” She gushed.

“Well that’s great, but please be careful, think it over before you say ‘I do’,” Richard looked at her sternly.

“I will, I promise,” Taryn said looking down at her hand where a small gold ring laid on her ring finger.

“What about you dear?” Emily’s attention turned back to me. Now, I really don’t have anymore saves.

“I’m not planning on marrying anyone there,” I heard a snort come from Taryn but moved on. I could tell she was thinking about my relationship with Cardan which was very simple. “I have a place in the court, I’m not sure for how long I can secure it but I’m happy with where I am,” I didn’t want to give too much away.

“Really? Are you a knight?” Richard leaned forward interested, to know how I got a place without a mans

“No,” I laughed, it was my dream but I was definitely not a knight and I’m not sure if I could be trusted to be a knight anymore. Cardan would choose me to be a part of his personal guard just to annoy me and I’d probably end up going to the tower of forgetting to kill him. “I’m actually connected to the high King,” I wasn’t sure how much I could say but my wording was really bad and I could tell the second they left my mouth. Richard looked surprised while Emily looked disgusted for a split second. She covered it up but it was there. “Oh! No, not like that! I am definitely not connected to him like that! I’m just his seneschal,” I scramble to get the words out.

“Oh, that’s a lot better,” Richard recovers a lot faster than Emily. “Alright, well it is time for me to get back to work but Emily, you’ll be here with the girls?”

“Yes, don’t worry I’ll still be here and if you guys do decide to leave, please do think of coming here,” Emily does seem very sweet and honestly it’d be a lot better to live here than in the tiny apartment with Vivi and Heather, oh and of course Oak.

“Yes, don’t worry if I ever do plan on leaving I know where I’m going,” I grinned hoping they know that I’m trying to accept them. Taryn doesn’t say a word, it’s obvious she doesn’t like them. You couldn’t tell at first but now she’s not being as friendly. Maybe because of the way they talked about her marriage but I’d say the exact same thing if we were still on better terms but now we barely even acknowledge each other.

“Now, Jude, I really do think we could set you up with someone. We could at least throw you a coming out party! Oh, please Jude! It was my favorite thing to do with your mother! Please?” She seemed so excited and I know I should’ve said no but what’s the worst that could happen? I’d just say I’m better off with no one and they of all people should understand that.

“Okay, I’ll do it.”

“What?” Taryn asked, not expecting that.

“Great! Alright I’ll get started on it and you two should sleep here for the night, tomorrow evening you will have the best party ever!” Emily stood up excitedly as a maid came in to show us to our rooms.

“Actually I have to go home. Locke is expecting me,” Taryn escaped, leaving me alone. Right before I was planning on going to sleep a short lady walked inside. She had a straight cut that went up to her chin and she had black cat-eye glasses on.

“Hello, stand up straight please,” There was a hint of Russian in her accent. She walked up to me and began to measure me. My waist, my hips, my bust, she measured every curve on my body. “That’ll be all, a dress will be ready for you tomorrow,”

“Thanks,” I didn’t understand exactly what happened but I think I have a dress now. It was a sleepless night, thoughts filled my head but it wasn’t the worst night of sleep due to the bed I had. I don’t even have anything to compare it to. Somehow I didn’t think about Cardan once throughout the trip. I was afraid of leaving for a day like this, I told him I may be out for up to a couple of days since I kind of wanted to stay with Vivi and Oak for a day but I didn’t realize that I would like Emily and Richard so much that I’d be okay with spending a night.

The party started out great, over time the garden was filled with men who all fought to get to know me. I didn’t enjoy the fact that I was actually missing Cardan right now. Usually right now he’d say something to give me something to overthink, laugh, or mostly panic about but right now I was stuck with a bunch of boys who all wanted my hand. As if they really expected me to choose and on top of it, Emily was very keen on me choosing. She had told me she had about 5 batches so I can have a party each night of the week. It wasn’t that I didn’t like her or anything but, I just could not deal with a room filled with rich people like this. I know I’m supposed to be happy that there’s a room full of people ready to marry me at any second but right now all I wanted to do was run all the way back to the palace. To bicker with Cardan and fight with Madoc at council meetings. I finally found an empty area , a couch in the corner of the garden, somehow no one was to be found. I sat as politely as I could incase anyone was watching but I ended up leaning back and closing my eyes trying to process every person who’s introduced themself. Within minutes later I felt a thud next to me on the couch, I tried my best not to groan and turned my head. I attempted to have a sweet smile but I’m pretty sure it was a glare from the moment I looked over.

“Why the face?” The boy had a sly grin on his face as my eyes widened.

“Cardan!” I hissed. “What are you doing here?” How did he even know about this party?

“Taryn told Locke and Locke told me about it,” He replied coolly while he took a bite

out of something he was holding.

“Who’s at the throne? Oh my god, is it Madoc? He’s going to kill everyone,” I started to panic thinking about what was happening in Elfhame with Cardan and I back here.

“Don’t worry Lo-“

I cut him off, “Locke! You put Locke in charge? He’s going to kill everyone and lock us out!” I almost stood up with even more panic spread throughout me. At least Madoc was logical, Locke thinks everything is a stupid game.

“Locke called for the court of shadows and now they’re doing whatever it is that you do,” Cardan finished.

I took a deep breath, “Oh thank God.”

“So, what did you do to get a party for yourself? I doubt you’re actually planning on choosing someone,” I could tell he didn’t like the idea of me marrying someone just for the sake of it.

“After Locke, I don’t think I’ll ever rush into love at all,” I forgot who I was talking to for a second, I let my guard down stupidly. I could tell Cardan didn’t like the fact that I said Locke but he let me continue before I stopped talking, “I’m just doing this because they miss my mother and Em- she pleaded. How could I refuse a stupid party that caused her more excitement than to know that she had a piece of her daughter left.”

He smirked, “Well, I know something that’d cause her even more excitement.”

“What?” I could already tell this would end with a dirty joke.

“Oh, don’t be like that. I was just going to say that if you chose me, you could pretend you’d live with me for a while,” His idea was great except for the fact that she’d freak out to know that I planned on running away with a boy that she doesn’t even know.

“I think she’d have a heart attack.”

He snorted, “Well, we won’t know until we do it.”

“Cardan!” I gasped.

“Also, who’s ‘she’?” I realized I never actually explained to him who my grandparents were.

“The woman who gave birth to my mom.”

“So ‘he’ is the dad who caused his wife pleasure and pain so that your mother would come out of ‘she’?” He could make even the stupidest things sexual.

“Yes Cardan, please talk about the way that my mom was conceived. Please, I’d love to know more,” sarcasm filled my voice.

“I’d love to but ‘she’, is coming down here’,” my heart stopped for a second. Was she going to recognize him? He did glamour himself so hopefully she wouldn’t, and she probably didn’t know how the new king looked anyway.

“I see you’ve made a friend,” Emily winked at me.

“Yes, I did, but I think it’s time w-“ I stop myself quickly, “I go back home.” I smile as naturally as I can but I can tell it looks too artificial.

“Yes, well I’d like to get to know him a bit before you go,” Emily looks at him. “Have we met before?” She’s catching on.

“I’m not sure, maybe you knew my father?” Cardan played along but maybe he wasn’t. He sounded serious, was he actually asking my mortal grandmother whether or not she knew the old high king?

“Where’s Richard?” I blurted, hoping that she doesn’t figure out who Cardan is.

“Yes, I’m not sure where he is, but Jude. If you ever do feel comfortable, I’d love for you to call me your grandmother. And the same goes for Richard,” This was it. The conversation I least wanted to have and on top of it we were doing it in front of the boy I hate.

“Well, I hope you wouldn’t be calling him grandmother,” His laugh echoed through my body.

“Oh Yes! My wording was not that great,” Emily began to laugh. I’m surprised she didn’t snap at him but again, I think I’m just one who has no filter when it comes to Cardan.

“Emily, dear. Oh, hello. Jude, did you find someone interesting?” Richard inquired as he walked up to the trio.

“Yes, I did, now I really must get going,” I just wanted to leave and Cardan was not helping at all. I glared at him hoping he’d catch the hint.

“Well, it was great meeting you two but, I too must get going and well, I would just love to give Jude a ride back to her house,” Cardan stood up.

“Jude, will have to go her own way,” Emily interrupted. I wasn’t sure whether or not these people knew I was from Faerie.

“Yes, I hope I can see you another time,” I knew if I didn’t go with him I’d be stuck here for at least another day. My eyes burned hoping he’d come up with something else, anything else.

“I don’t think you understand, I know of Jude’s home very well and am offering to take her with me. I’d love to see where she live as I live there too,” Cardan said again. His voice was commanding, just like how it is when he’s in the court.

“Y-yes, of course, you may definitely take her with you,” Richard stammered. He was definitely afraid but I’m not sure what he was afraid of. I looked over and Cardan looked like his normal glamoured self. Emily stood there, as if she was struck by lightning.

“Emily, you’ll walk them out?” Richard looked over to his frozen wife.

“Yes,” She began to walk next to me while Cardan was a step in front of me. Once we reached the front door I began to say goodbye. I hugged her first, I kissed her lightly on her cheek as I saw everyone else do. She did the same to me but lingered a little longer. She whispered into my ear, “You could’ve just said no. You did not need to drag him here to save yourself. The next time you come here, I expect you to leave him there.” Her words were stern and I could tell she wasn’t joking around. She was right, I could’ve just said no but I did not bring him here. He came himself but there was no point in arguing. I wasn’t sure if she knew he was king but I could tell they knew he wasn’t mortal.

“Good bye,” Emily said quietly as we began to step outside the door, “and farewell, your majesty.” The last part made me freeze for a second. Cardan kept moving but he grabbed my arm quickly. Emily definitely saw it, she knew she was right.

“What did you do?” I asked once we were out of sigh.

“Nothing, just unglamored myself for

a second so they saw my crown,” Cardan shrugged as we continued to move.

“You did what?” I froze.

“Well, what did you want me to do?” He grabbed my arm again and forced me to start walking again.

“Anything other than that!” I couldn’t believe him.

“Hey, you needed rescuing so I rescued you.” He brought me to the horse he came here on.

“Thank you,” I said as I threw myself over it.

“You’re welcome, just make sure the next time you plan on getting married,” I turned my head to look at him as he talked, “Make sure it’s to me.” And with that, we started. I didn’t say a word on the the ride back not sure whether or not he was joking. But even if he wasn’t, it didn’t matter because that’s not my priority. We reached Elfhame by dawn and I made a decision. That was the first and last time I’d ever go back to their house.

[thatsamericano]

A Much More Dramatic Romerica Reveal

With the addition of the Marcello blackmailing Romerica into getting him a Vespa plot (and FrUK’s subsequent belief that Savino is exploiting their naive, infatuated son for sex and expensive things he wants), the Romerica reveal scene becomes a lot more dramatic. Here’s how I see it going down and what eventually happens.

On New Year’s Eve, Romerica hang out with their brothers in the living room while FrUKSpa are out at some fancy NYE party with a rich friend on a yacht or something they’d planned to attend months ago. It’s very exclusive and the kids weren’t invited, so they had to leave them alone at home even though FrUK think Romerica are in a sexual relationship and Antonio is a little less skeptical about that being a possibility if Savino ever returned Alfred’s feelings. Marcello is happy with his blackmail present and going out on rides with Savino and maybe a little guilty they actually went out and got it for him because he wasn’t expecting that to work as well as it did. (Savino was protesting more, but Alfred was pretty much on board right away and just trying to explain how he had to wait for bank transactions to go through to make it happen.) They don’t kiss at midnight to appease Marcello, who obviously has a problem with them, but they may be able to act a little more cuddly than they do in front of their parents. After they watch the ball drop and celebrate a little afterwards, everyone goes upstairs to bed. Matthew had pre-arranged with Alfred to have a “sleepover” with Savino’s brothers so Alfred and Savino could get an empty bedroom for a night. They have penetrative sex for the first time and somehow find a way to control Alfred’s volume so their brothers won’t hear them going at it, and it’s all very sweet and romantic. They fall asleep in each other’s arms, and it’s sappy and adorable.

The next morning, FrUKSpa get back from their big party night, and the kids are starting to wake up. Romerica sleep in because they’re tired from the night before, and they might have to shower this morning because they were too focused on having sex to do that last night, so they’re taking much longer to get up than everyone else (even if they aren’t getting distracted in the shower). But FrUKSpa are all in a relatively good mood from last night’s party, so nobody’s busting down the doors to come get them, even if FrUK are suspicious about them “sleeping in” so late. Marcello doesn’t mention a sleepover to them since Savino and Alfred have kept their blackmail promises even if it does annoy him to know they had sex last night and that’s why Matthew was in their room.

Romerica come downstairs just in time for New Year’s brunch, and it’s obvious something happened between them last night because they’re staying very close to each other, both have somewhat wet hair (so clearly showered together), and are giggly and shy like they were after the first time they did something sexual together. FrUK are internally seething about this, and Antonio is thinking it’s something like Savino telling Alfred he loved him too or maybe a midnight kiss because he’s not so focused on the idea of them having sex as FrUK have been for weeks, may not notice the wet hair, and believed Alfred’s story about having one-sided feelings for his son. He’s surprised but thinks it’s cute, is glad Alfred isn’t miserable anymore, and thinks maybe FrUKSpa should talk about this with Romerica after brunch (not to confront them, but just to understand what’s going on and talk about the situation).

Romerica are in such a stupid, happy mood that they get careless. Savino says something like, “Could you pass the sugar, amore?” and Alfred giggles and says something cheesy in response like, “Sure thing. Here’s some sugar for my sugar!” and everyone stops eating instantly and silverware hits the plates because now the cat’s out of the bag and everyone knows (or at least thinks they know) exactly what’s going on.

Arthur loses his goddamn mind and goes “I fucking knew it!” and starts accusing Savino of wild shit. He’s so angry it’s hard for Romerica to process what he’s saying, and maybe he focuses in on the fact he thinks they’ve been fucking for a really long time (maybe back when Alfred bought the textbooks) instead of the thing he actually has a problem with, which is the belief that Savino is exploiting his naive, infatuated son. Francis joins in, and he’s almost as bad as Arthur, because this time it’s not just about them having sex (which is something he might not be happy about, but would discuss with them in a more private setting with just FrUKSpa). To him, this is about his kid getting manipulated, so both he and Arthur are going full papa wolf on Savino. Savino is sobbing because FrUK are screaming their heads off at him, and Alfred is sobbing too because of his boyfriend and because he is processing FrUK’s reaction as disgust that they have done NSFT things with each other.

As soon as he sees Savino crying, Antonio starts fighting with FrUK. He loves them both very much, but the way they’re treating Savino so cruelly is making him think he needs to break up with them. To Antonio, the nephews he thinks of as his sons have always come first ever since his sister died. He was extremely clear with FrUK about this when they started to get serious, and he thought they would understand since they have kids too (and they said as much at the time). Now, Arthur has made Savino break down twice in one week’s time on major holidays. Antonio mostly forgave him for the first incident since Arthur didn’t know he went to see his nonna’s and parents’ graves on Christmas Eve and was very apologetic afterwards, but now this morning is bringing his anger about that back to the surface. And Francis, who had been trying to make Arthur calm down back then, is joining in on making Savino cry like this. Not to mention Alfred! He’s also confused and angry about why they’re freaking out about Romerica doing sexual things, because to him this is clearly not just a sex thing even if they are doing that with each other. Savino has dated people before and brought them home around Antonio, but this is the first time he’s ever heard his son calling anyone amore. He’s probably not thinking of this consciously, but he might know that Alfred was there outside the graveyard when Savino was speaking to his dead relatives and that Alfred comforted him afterwards and brought him home, because maybe Savino told him he didn’t have to do that this year because Alfred would. Up until now that’s only a thing he’s let a close relative, usually Antonio, do. (Back then, he was seeing it as a friendship thing, but now he isn’t if he’s thinking about this. And he would clearly see it as a love thing if he knew Savino brought Alfred in to introduce them and let Alfred talk to them too, because before Savino always talked to them alone.) If he hears an accusation of Savino manipulating Alfred to get him presents and using him for sex, he’s pissed because he knows his son would never do that and his partners should know that too since they’ve known Savino for a while now and might have bonded with him over things (cooking for Francis and gardening for Arthur).

Marcello gets ticked off and blames the FrUKSpa fight on Romerica (because he did get worried about a minor tiff I’ve already written, so clearly he hates the idea of FrUKSpa fighting). For his whole life, Marcello has had a single dad (who he thinks of more as his dad than his brothers would since he can’t remember his parents) who had a hard time getting into a relationship. In his opinion, Romerica have wrecked the happiness his Papà found after so long with their stupid relationship. He spitefully accuses Savino of ruining Antonio’s life, not knowing this is a sore spot with his brother, and Alfred is *this close* to decking a nine-year-old.  He’s also *this close* to decking his own parents because they’re making his boyfriend feel like absolute shit. He’s sobbing badly, but he might be yelling too while all this is going on in an attempt to defend his boyfriend. FrUKSpa are too busy yelling at each other to listen to him.

Savino runs away from the table and goes upstairs because he cannot deal with this shit anymore. He starts packing a duffle bag full of clothes, his wallet, and whatever he can think of because he legitimately thinks he has to run away at this point. Alfred thinks they both do, so he also starts packing. They come up with a more “reasonable” plan than when Alfred tried to run away last time and call up one of their friends who knows about them and is okay with them being together (not Tolys, because his stepbrother was dumb about them before, and that’s the last thing they need to deal with). The friend promises to at least let them stay while the storm passes.

During this entire confrontation, Feli and Matthew have been trying to get their parents to calm the fuck down and listen to reason (mostly FrUK, because they agree with everything Antonio is saying but his yelling isn’t helping right now). When Matthew notices Alfred and Savino are no longer in the room, he roars at his parents that they’re making Alfred run away again, and this time Savino is going with him. Matthew knows that everyone, especially his parents, were worried when Alfred ran away a month ago. Is that what they fucking want?! Francis or Arthur (I’m thinking Arthur, because he’s generally been the biggest asshole about Romerica in this) says he “doesn’t give a shit” about what happens to Savino, and Feliciano bitch slaps the fuck out of him. He starts screaming at FrUK about exactly how long he’s known his brother was in love with Alfred (at least since they moved into the house in August, and knowing how guarded Savino can be, Feli knows the feelings went back a lot longer than he’s been able to notice them). Feliciano says that Savino told him about introducing Alfred to his dead parents and nonna and explains just how remarkable this is. He has never let anyone join him while he does his yearly ritual of talking to his dead parents, not even his own brother who lost them at five years old and would best understand how Savino feels about their tragic deaths. FrUKSpa are flabbergasted, because they all know how sensitive Savino is about his parents’ deaths (Antonio the entire time he’s looked after Savino, and FrUK when he became their stepson, especially after the Christmas Eve incident). They’re shocked into silence, and this allows them to finally notice Marcello weeping quietly into the table about the Vespa and how he was the one who made Savino and Alfred get it. He is pissed off at his big brother and honestly hates Alfred because he’d hurt his feelings with the Christmas card incident so bad, but he loves Savino deep down under his brattiness and is scared at the idea of him running away with Alfred and never coming home again.

Antonio puts his parent hat on, and he leads Marcello upstairs. He’s gentle with him because he’s a scared nine-year-old, but he makes it clear he’s very disappointed about what he did to Alfred and Savino and that he will face a consequence commensurate with what he did. He makes Feli watch him while he and a very chastened FrUK try to go find Romerica (who have probably left the house at this point and are God knows where) so they can bring the couple home and actually talk about the relationship in a calm and honest way.

Eventually they do agree to come home with FrUKSpa and talk because they can see that FrUKSpa are being honest about their intentions (there is some doubt, but Romerica is willing to try when they say they won’t accuse them of bullshit or try to make them breakup). In the talk, they start to go over the misunderstandings that led them to this point. Honestly, at this point everyone in the house needs group therapy, and FrUKSpa promise to look around for a family therapist who won’t try to make Romerica break up, because based on what they’ve heard today, that is clearly never happening. Once Marcello is calm enough, he sheepishly apologizes to Romerica about the blackmail, and they’re annoyed he did that but say they forgive him because they can tell he’s actually sincere.

I don’t think everything that happened in this fight can be resolved in one day, so I would show some individual snippets of therapy, like Alfred and Marcello talking about why Marcello had such an issue with Alfred being with his brother that he decided to blackmail them. I’d show how everyone is adjusting to Romerica openly being together, including how some people (like Arthur, who does have some misgivings about the stepbrother aspect, or Marcello, who had such resentment about them before this huge reveal/fight) take longer but eventually come around to the idea.

[incorrigible-groupie]

Actually, the ends weren’t that bad (a TPN/TOA essay)

So.

There are two series that ended recently and which had a lot of impact for me but also a very controversial end, like there are some wars between fans who argue about if the end was good… or not.

And me ? I really want to believe that The Promised Neverland (the manga, obviously) and Trollhunters have very coherent ends.

You’re probably wondering « why putting these two together ? » and I have a reason, multiple reasons actually. Of course, there will be spoilers of The Promised Neverland and the entire Tales of Arcadia saga (Trollhunters, 3Below, Wizards and the movie Rise of the Titans).

First, Promised Neverland. 

And mostly the character who made a lot of people cringe even before the last book : Emma. Cringe because, for some fans, she isn’t someone you can relate with because she isn’t realistic… in every sense of the word.

She is too perfect or at least too perfectly programmed for the plot whisky is not entirely true ! « She is too kind ! » well… maybe not ? I don’t think all her actions were driven by kindness. 

She is too clever to be the naive kind of kind. 

And don’t tell me that if she was that clever, she would have noticed that her orphanage was a farm because… she probably was in denial. Also, how would she imagine that monsters were waiting for them outside ? Maybe she didn’t see, maybe she didn’t want to see. But anyway, when she discovered the truth, her first thought was to get everyone out. EVERYONE.

Of course, there are her family, she won’t let them… but she did have to let some of them because it would have been too complicated, so that prove that she isn’t just a naive idealistic.

She wanted to fight, first for her family, then for every kid of every farm, because that wouldn’t be fair if her kids stayed alive and not the others. Then she also want to save every monsters, because that wouldn’t be fair since they didn’t choose to have to eat meat.

This is not about being kind, this is about being fair. This is about responsibility and guilt.

Emma doesn’t want to save everyone because everyone deserve to be saved or something cute like that, she would have killed less people or monsters otherwise.

She wants to save everyone because she doesn’t want to feel as bad as the people, as the monsters who hurt her and her family. She doesn’t want to be a monster.

When she understood, and ONLY WHEN she understood what it means to hunt, she realized how thin was the line between her enemy and herself so she doesn’t want to live knowing people lived horribly because of her. 

She didn’t want to live with that on her conscience.

And… I think this is kind of selfish ? She doesn’t do that because it’s right, she does that because she wants to be better… I don’t know. She took a lot of risks, for her and for a friends just so she won’t feel that guilt.

But the others don’t care that the mutants die, only Emma who is really clever like I said before understood and was like « yeah so no we need to find a solution or it will haunt me for the rest of my life ». This is more like a perfectionist thing that a kind thing.

Which is… logical for a character like Emma.

Really the characters in the manga are very well-written, especially Isabella who has such a dignified way to die. It was a good end for her, very symbolic, even if I’m very sad about it. When she betrayed the blond guy, I was pleasantly surprised but at the same time it made sense like, it’s very consistent, everything is consistent even if we started with a complex project. Ending the meat industry ? Save all the children ? And Isabella’s end shows how the real villain of the story are the one who benefit from the system (which says a lot about our own society).

But Emma, actually, became « queen » of the system when she made the new treaty, she literally created a new system so… welcome responsibilities while she was only 14. Will she benefit too ? Or even take advantage ? But how could she after everything she learnt, and mostly after so many people sacrificed their lives so she could reach her goal ? Did she deserve it ?

How could she live with that on her conscience ?

The answer is : she can’t. She isn’t that strong. She isn’t that positive. She isn’t that perfect.

And destiny (haha) gave her a solution on a silver plate. Not by surprise like a Deus Ex Machina since we knew there would be a counterparty which won’t be too violent because Emma cleared the path. This was an equivalent exchange. THIS IS LIKE FULLMETAL ALCHEMIST ! (By the way, why does everyone think TPN’s end was too easy while in FMA, the best manga of all time, the solution to get Alphonse’s body back was in Ed’s hands… LITERALLY !).

Anyway.

The demon offered to lose her memory, thinking she would refuse because she would be alone, separated from her family which is… euh… stupid… I mean… have you seen Your Name ?

People who are meant to be together will find each other.

Moreover, Emma was so relieved because it was solving all her problems : nobody dies, everybody goes to the other world, nobody sacrifices themselves, and the guilt she was afraid to live with ? Gone. I think Emma was also relieved to be like « yes, I have a second chance, now I will live a normal life ». And it was selfish because it seemed like she said « so guys I will send you to another universe I know nothing about after I brought you into this mess but now you will deal with it yourself everyone ! ». That was… a little cowardly ?

And the worst was that every encounter she made, every lesson she learnt, she lost them…

Well, thinking about that…

TROLLHUNTERS !

Trollhunter’s end was… hard. And gave me a bitter sensation since not only we said goodbye to our favorite characters but we also genuinely said goodbye to the show. Even if we wanted to watch the show a second time, it was kinda deleted (along with Anton Yelchin acting…) ? 

Yes, it’s hard… but isn’t it ballsy to do a scenario like this ? And we could have expected this, it’s not the first time we talked about time travel in this saga. And for gods sake at the very beginning of the movie there were a lot of things that shouldn’t happen. The train’s crash in New York, the Titans probably crushing people, the bridge being destroyed, and all that jazz… Can you imagine how Jim should have lived with all of this besides everything else he had lost ? And then, Toby died (which affected me more than I imagined).

But it’s not Toby’s death that made Jim want to change everything, it was just the last straw. The last thing that wasn’t supposed to happen. After all, if it was written that Jim was given another chance, if Naru saw that Jim would have to get back, to go aaaaall the way back, there must have a reason, or multiple reasons. Do you think humans could live normally after everything that happened ? Do you think humans and trolls could coexist ? I’m not sure, not after that kind of damage. And Arcadia was destroyed ! The HeartStone, the center of the universe, was destroyed too ! I think even if Toby survived, the end wasn’t that bright…

And the time-travel wasn’t a Deus Ex Machina either because otherwise it would have been a « and then BOUM everything is back to normal and everything is ok » situation, which isn’t… 

We don’t know what will happen. 

Jim will do everything so it’ll be okay but maybe he will make some mistakes. Vendel may not survive, maybe they will take more time to kill Gunmar, Aaaaaargh may be turn to stone again… we don’t know. And I think everyone in the fandom is pissed because of that. Because we don’t know. And I do understand : this is not the end, not a conclusion, not a great finale, more like the beginning of something we won’t get to see (like a legacy?), which is both great and very very sad for us. I hope Dreamworks will do comics or books…

But also, I doesn’t mean that nothing will be like before. There is a lot of things Jim has no control of. For example, what happened to the extraterrestrials, Jim knew nothing about it so he can’t change a thing. And for the wizards too. And when you think about it, what happens in « Wizards » has to happen. Jim won’t be a troll during that arc but it will happen anyway, it’s supposed to happen because it’s the creation of the Trollhunter, the creation of the Amulet ! And Jim has no idea of what will become because he wasn’t really there.

What is supposed to happen will happen.

Friendship or love, it will happen. Even the relationship between Jim and Blinky, even if Jim isn’t the Trollhunter. OH, SPEAKING OF WHICH.

Choosing Toby as the new Trollhunter is a super idea. Toby will accept his role right away. Toby will love his new destiny. And since he will have Jim’s help, he will be okay. Jim doesn’t want his friends to get traumatized again (I mean it’s cool to learn stuff but do you really need to suffer for that?)(I’M LOOKING AT YOU AGAIN, EDWARD ELRIC), so he will do what he can so things don’t get too heavy. And you know, maybe he want (AND DESERVE) to give a bit away. He probably give the Amulet to Toby because he knew Toby is brave enough to fight even without powers… and because he was tired to bear the Amulet ? Anyway, like I said, everything that is supposed to happen will happen and if Toby isn’t the right Trollhunter, the Amulet won’t choose him.

AH ! And don’t forget that Jim doesn’t need the Amulet to be a Trollhunter ! This is literally what the show wanted to teach us, guys ! If you forget it, it proves that it’s not only the characters who had a reset…

A reset…

Holy guacamole this is exactly like Undertale. This is Undertale’s principle. Jim is Frisk who after taking a Neutral Route wants to do a True Pacifist Route ! This is so cooooool !

Except that, exactly like in The Promised Neverland finale (well, not exactly but like a reversed version of it), Jim decides that everyone forgets everything that happened and take the guilt off their shoulders, as heavy as an armor. He erased everyone’s guilt, except his. That is far from being selfish or cowardly.

It’s the opposite ! These two shows which don’t have a lot in common have finales being negative pictures !

And Jim’s end isn’t perfect either because he still has the world on his shoulders (a little less because he isn’t the Bearer of the Amulet, but still a little more because he knows what happens if it goes wrong). 

He is still the Young Atlas because even if the characters in the shows won’t live the same thing, they will still be the characters we knew, the characters we saw growing, the characters as brave and as strong as we used to see : like in Undertale, « despite everything, it’s still you ».

And to everyone who says to me « yeah but it will go wrong because when Merlin shows Jim the future where he isn’t the Trollhunter, it was shit », well : NO.

Jim stays a Trollhunter, he said so ! And I mostly think (since the moment I saw this episode) this all thing was an illusion, not a real future, because Merlin is a real piece of garbage and I was only sad for Douxie when Merlin died (otherwise, I would have celebrate it). And I think Jim knows it too, that it wasn’t real.

By the way, I hope they will find another way to not say « For the glory of Merlin » anymore, I loved the new version of the Amulet in the movie (AND JIM LOVED IT TOO).

All of this just to say that : these endings, even if it’s very frustrating, make sense.

Of course, saying goodbye to so many things I cared about for years make it difficult to assimilate it, but that also means that I really loved it.

And in the end, it showed these two characters flaws, these perfect, pure, way-too-nice characters with too many responsibilities and a huge desire to survive, but who are being selfish for once by taking a clean start.

But they’re doing it with their pockets full of determination… proving how humans they are.

And I really will miss them.

Ready ? Set ? Go !

[darlingandmreames]

All the Freedom in the World

(also on ao3)

“Do you ever think about getting married?”

Arthur laughed, the question surprising him. “Me? No. Not really my thing.”

“I used to think the same thing.” Mal grinned at him over her drink. She usually loved gin and tonics, but tonight it was just tonic. Had been for a couple weeks now, and Arthur was starting to wonder. “Told myself I was never going to let myself get tied down like that. I was never going to marry, never going to have kids, never going to have one of those white picket fence houses I’d always hated growing up.”

Arthur nodded in agreement. Sounded like a perfectly good plan to him. “So what changed?”

Mal shrugged. “I met someone.” She looked out across the room to where Dom was chatting up a group of military officers. He excelled at dinners like these, dialing up the charm to a nearly unbearable degree and getting everybody in the room to like him. Mal leaned her elbow against the table and rested her head in her hand, watching Dom with a fond look. “Sometimes you meet someone so wonderful that the thought of not having them in your life just feels wrong. All of those plans I’d come up with for my life, the things I was going to do and see and experience all on my own, changed after I met Dom. I still wanted to do them, of course, that didn’t change. But the thought of doing them alone, doing them by myself, lost its appeal. I wanted to do them, but I wanted to do them with him. It didn’t feel like being tied down anymore, not if it was with him.” She looked back at Arthur with a small smile. “Maybe it won’t change for you, who knows. But don’t discount the fact that it might.”

“Hm. I’ll make sure to keep that in mind.” Arthur took a drink. What Mal was describing certainly sounded nice and he could see how much she loved Dom. How much they both loved each other. The idea of finding that level of happiness in another person, though, didn’t strike him as something he was likely to find. And despite her reassurances to the contrary, it still sounded to Arthur a hell of a lot like being tied down and he couldn’t think of anything worse. What they did allowed for so much more freedom than Arthur had ever dreamed of, and the idea of giving that up- giving it up for one person- sounded both unpleasant and incredibly stupid. “Still don’t see it happening, though. Not for me, at least.”

“Maybe.” Mal leaned back in her chair, going back to watching Dom. “You never know. Sometimes things change, even when you don't expect them to.”

XXX

“D’you ever think about getting married?”

Arthur could hear the alcohol in Dom’s voice. He was speaking slowly and slurring his words, vowels and consonants blurring into each other with little differentiation. Arthur wasn’t sure how long he’d been here at the bar before Arthur’d found him, but he was starting to think it had been quite a while. “Never really something I thought about much. Didn’t have much reason to.”

Dom nodded, picking his glass up and downing half of it in one go. “I knew I’d marry Mal. Knew as soon as I met her. She was-” he paused, hiccupping slightly, “she was perfect, you know? Happiest day of my life was when she said she’d marry me. Told her I’d dreamt…dreamt we’d…that we’d grow old together and…”

Arthur rested his hand gently on Dom’s arm, recognizing the waver in his voice. He’d rushed to the states as soon as he’d heard what happened, abandoning the job he’d been working on, and when Dom had fled the country, Arthur had followed him. They’d been country hopping for a few weeks now, trying to stay out of reach of the authorities. Arthur had taken it upon himself to take care of the logistics, figuring out where they could go and how long they could stay in a place before they needed to leave. Dom had more than enough to occupy his mind without having to think about any of that.

Dom finished off the rest of his drink with a grimace. “How could…how could she do this, Arthur? How could she do this to me? To our children? I don’t…” He dropped his head, voice breaking slightly. “I miss her, god I miss her so fucking much.”

“I’m sorry, Dom.” There wasn’t any comfort in the words, not really, but Arthur didn’t know what else to say. He’d seen grief before, but never like this. The pain in Dom’s voice, in his expression and posture and actions, was almost frightening. Horrifying. Mal’s death had hit Arthur too; she’d been one of his closest friends, more family than anything else, and losing her left a gaping hole in his chest that he wasn’t sure how to fill. But it was different for Dom. He’d lost his world when Mal had jumped, lost a part of himself that Arthur knew he would never be able to replace. It frightened him, honestly, to see that pain. It was something he couldn’t quite understand and he hoped to god that he never did. Love like what Dom and Mal had had wasn’t worth it if it came at this cost. He kept his hand on Dom’s arm, trying to provide whatever little comfort he could as Dom’s shoulders shook. “I’m so, so sorry.”

XXX

“You ever think about getting married?”

“No.” Arthur didn’t even bother looking up as he answered Ariadne’s question. 

“You didn’t give that much thought.”

Arthur shrugged, still focusing on the documents in front of him. This mark had extractor training- Arthur was near obsessive about checking and double checking for that ever since the Fischer job, and it had paid off this time- and there was quite a bit of information for him to go through. “I don’t have to. It’s not something I’m interested in. Never have been.”

“Can I ask why?”

Arthur paused briefly before looking up. “Are you actually curious, or are you just trying to avoid doing work for a bit?”

Ariadne laughed a bit sheepishly. “Both?”

Arthur stared at her a moment longer before sighing slightly. She’d been working diligently for several hours, so he supposed a small break wasn’t the worst idea. “It’s just never been something I saw myself doing. And it’s certainly not common among extractors. This field doesn’t exactly lend itself to long term relationships. Or to healthy ones.” He shrugged again. “Working as an extractor means constantly moving. City to city, country to country, job to job. You don’t get attached. You don’t have the time to and, even if you did, attachments are dangerous. They make you vulnerable and weak. So most people in this area avoid them.”

Ariadne raised her eyebrows. “That’s a pretty cynical view of things.”

“It’s a realistic view of things.”

“Maybe.” She leaned back in her chair. “Still, wouldn’t it be nice? To find someone you could share this with? I mean, maybe I’m just still new to this and naive, but that sounds a lot better than spending your life alone.”

Arthur was about to answer- to tell her that that alone, in his opinion, was the best thing someone could be in this field- when Eames wandered into the room. It was far warmer here in Manila than it had been on their last job and Eames was thriving, wearing a different short sleeve paisley shirt every day, each more hideously garish than the last. Arthur’d been surprised when he’d agreed to keep working with them as Arthur’d looked for jobs where he could continue teaching Ariadne the ropes and get her acquainted with the field more broadly, but Eames had agreed with nothing more than a smile and a casual of course, darling. At the end of each job Arthur kept expecting him to finally jump ship but, six months and five jobs in, he seemed perfectly content at least for now to continue following them. And as much as they bickered and disagreed at times, Arthur couldn’t help but admit that it was a bit nice having a familiar face on each job. Someone he trusted. 

Eames noticed Arthur watching him and winked. Arthur looked down, frowning, and tried to ignore the slight heat in his cheeks. “Alone is what this job requires. Anything else is unrealistic.” He started to go back to sorting through the documents but paused, considering Ariadne’s question again. “Though I suppose it might be nice,” he finally admitted. “Unrealistic, but nice all the same.”

XXX

"You ever think 'bout getting married, mate?"

Arthur looked over at Yusuf with a slight frown, his eyes taking a second to focus. He'd just finished a job in Nairobi and decided to stop by Mombasa to visit before heading off to Milan for his next job. Yusuf had been his usual excitable self and was happy to see him, offering to make them both drinks. Arthur had agreed- which was a terrible idea, he should’ve known better than to let the chemist make drinks- and now they were both sprawled out on Yusuf's couch, piss drunk. Arthur knew he'd regret this in the morning, but his inevitable hangover was a problem for future him. "Bit of a random question."

Yusuf shrugged. "One of my childhood mates got married a few weeks back and it got me thinking, that's all. Not really a common thing in our field, is it? Well, 'cept for Cobb and Mal I suppose, but that, uh," he frowned, "that's maybe not the best example."

"Mm." Arthur hummed in agreement, taking a drink. "Really isn't."

"You ever think about it though?" Yusuf looked over at him. "'Bout getting hitched? You know, if you met the right person or whatever."

Arthur paused, trying to focus on the question. After a moment he shrugged; giving it serious thought wasn't something he was particularly capable of at the moment. "Dunno. Maybe. If it was the right person."

"Yeah I guess it would really depend on-oh! That reminds me!" Yusuf sat up excitedly, swaying slightly as he leaned forward, grinning. "I heard a bit of a rumour."

Arthur raised his eyebrows, staying where he was. The room was spinning already, he didn't need to make it worse by moving. "Oh?"

"Mm. 'Bout you and a certain forger." If Arthur had been more sober, he would've thought up some excuse, some way to talk around the subject, or maybe even simply have denied it outright. But he was very, very much not sober. So instead he just grinned at Yusuf over his glass. Yusuf pointed at him with a disbelieving and somewhat exasperated look. "I knew it! I fuckin' knew it!" He flopped back against the couch cushions, swearing as he spilled some of his drink on himself. "Knew you two had a thing for each other!"

"Fuck off, you worked one job with us."

"Yeah, and you two spent the entire time flirting."

"We were not flirting. I don't think." Arthur frowned, thinking back. Had they been flirting? "Okay, maybe we were a little."

"You were definitely flirting, mate," Yusuf laughed. "So you guys are, uh…?"

"Yeah, couple months now." Arthur gave another small shrug. "It's nice, you know? Having something more than a fling or a one night stand. I like it. Like him." He smiled, mind drifting to when he'd see Eames next. He was working the Milan job as well; neither one of them had outright said it, but he knew they'd both agreed to take the job mainly so they could see each other. It was a small thing, but something about it made him happy every time he thought about it. After a moment his mind caught up with what his mouth had said and he pointed at Yusuf, giving him the most serious look he could muster. "This stays between us."

Yusuf held his hands up in mock surrender. "Not a word." He watched Arthur with a small smile. "I'm happy for you, though, mate. Really. You guys are insufferable together, but in a…in a sweet way, ya know?"

"Fuck off." Arthur took another drink, trying to hide both his grin and the rising heat in his cheeks. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

XXX

“Do you ever think about getting married?”

Arthur accepted the cup of coffee from Miles gratefully. He and Eames had only gotten in the night before and the jet lag was starting to catch up to him. He took a small sip, ignoring the fact that it was still far too hot to drink. Even a tiny bit of caffeine was worth a burnt tongue. “Sometimes.” He shrugged. “It’s complicated though. It’s not legal for us in a lot of places. Hell, even here in the states it’s a crapshoot half the time.”

Miles sat down across from him at the table with a mug of his own, raising his eyebrows. “Legality has never seemed to be much of an issue for you in the past.”

“Fair enough,” Arthur laughed. “This is…this is different though, you know? If we were going to do it, I’d want to do it right.” He shrugged. “There’s a lot that would have to go into it, and honestly, I’m not sure it’d be worth it. Might just end up being more effort than a simple piece of paper is worth.”

“It’s not just a piece of paper.” Miles watched him over his coffee. “That may be all it is physically, but there’s more to it than that.”

“I guess so.” Arthur’s gaze drifted to the dining room. Eames was seated at the table there with Philippa as she drew. She’d given him a sheet of paper and coloured pencils of his own and he was sketching something, pausing every once in a while to look over at what Philippa was drawing with a wide smile and encouraging comment. It was a sweet sight; both James and Philippa had taken to Eames immediately the first time he and Arthur had visited Dom,  and he’d quickly become known as Uncle Eames. He was good with them, kind and patient and just enough of a troublemaker to cement himself as their favourite uncle. Eames looked up, catching Arthur’s eye and giving him a soft smile. It was the sort of smile he seemed to reserve solely for Arthur, with a gentle fondness that wasn’t in any of his others. The look sent warmth spreading in Arthur’s chest like it always did and he smiled back. “Maybe it would be worth it. I don’t know.”

“Hm.” Miles had fixed him with a knowing look by the time Arthur looked back over and Arthur took another sip of too hot coffee, feeling slightly embarrassed. “I suppose you’ll just have to keep thinking about it.”

“Yeah.” Arthur looked back at Eames. “I suppose I will.”

XXX

“Do you ever think about getting married?”

The question broke the quiet pre-dawn silence around them. Arthur wasn’t quite sure what- if anything- had prompted him to ask it. The topic had certainly been on his mind recently- increasingly so, actually- but he hadn't quite intended to ask it. At least not right now. He didn’t feel any panic or surprise as his brain caught up to the words, though. Maybe he should’ve, but he didn’t. Instead he simply nestled further against Eames’ side, seeking out a bit more warmth. They were both wrapped in several thick blankets to stave off the early morning cold and the cup of coffee in his hands helped somewhat too, but neither of those things could quite compare to the feeling of Eames’ body heat.

Eames paused briefly before chuckling. “That’s quite a question for not even 6am." He shifted slightly, making room for Arthur. “I do, yeah. Especially now." He seemed to hesitate. "Do you ever think about it?"

"I never used to." Arthur rested his head in the crook of Eames' neck, staring out at the mountains in the early morning light. He'd always loved the mountains around Lucerne and this hotel had a phenomenal view of them, the balcony facing the snow capped peaks. Eames had been the one to suggest they watch the sunrise this morning, and Arthur had been all too happy to agree. "I never wanted to get married. Always said it wasn't for me. I thought it sounded like such a terrible idea, giving up freedom for one single person. I couldn't imagine myself ever doing something like that. I remember telling Mal that, and she told me that sometimes you met someone who made it worth it." He smiled softly at the memory. "I thought she was full of shit." Eames laughed quietly and Arthur reached across his lap until he found Eames' hand under the blankets, intertwining their fingers. "I think I understand better now what she meant though. Because I did meet someone who makes it worth it. And that freedom I was so set on never giving up? It doesn't mean anything anymore if it's not with you."

Eames paused again, going still. "Arthur, are you asking me to marry you?"

Arthur considered the question for a moment. "Yeah. I think I am." He smiled, the realization dawning on him. That was exactly what he was doing. "I love you, and all the freedom in the world isn't worth it without you beside me. So I'd like to be your husband, if you're okay with that."

Eames shifted, tilting Arthur's chin up with his fingers. Arthur followed the movement easily to find Eames watching him with an expression gentler than Arthur had thought possible. There was such love in his face that Arthur briefly wondered if he'd somehow died during the night and woken up in heaven. "Darling, there is nothing in this world I'd want more." 

Arthur smiled wider and closed the space between them with a kiss. Mal was right: some things really did change. And that was okay.

[howling-harpy]

Perhaps I "don't like hapiness" either 😆 End of an affair with the usual pairings? Thank you 😘❤

You have been influenced by my best friend and now even your delightful spirit is being sucked into the vortex of misery where we dwell and drink too much coffee. Finland. You’re now spiritually in Finland.

Winnix

They are perfect for each other. They didn’t believe in true love or soulmates before, not before they met each other.

Which is exactly why they ignore all the warning signs. They are very different people, from different worlds and lifestyles, and both have their share of problems.

Dick is willing to overlook so many of Nix’s faults. He excuses and even enables his drinking and overlooks it when he’s mean.

Nix is selfish and his affection is unreliable. Sometimes he likes nothing more than to shower Dick with love, and a week later he takes a break for no reason and offers no explanation.

They are both so enarmoured with each other and their perfect relationship that they let all the flaws slide.

When the difficulties arrive, they are completely unprepared and all the troubles shake the very foundation of their relationship that they have defined by its perfection.

They don’t know how to argue productively or communicate.

Dick shuts down and represses everything, becoming reclusive and angry and frustrated. He also feels guilty about enabling Nix and doesn’t know how to help him. All this on top of his own trauma that overwhelms him.

Nix’s addiction gets out of hand with his trauma. He already had that aplenty with his abusive father whom he’s dependent on.

All his demons consume him so fully that he just lets himself take Dick for granted and take his bad feelings out on him because he’s the only one he dares to show his true self to without fear.

Yeah, New Jersey breaks them. Trauma overwhelms them. They are unprepared. They don’t know how to talk to each other when everything is not perfection and bliss or at least as tangible as shelling.

Nix’s flaws, lifestyle, addiction and multiple levels of trauma result in an unrealiable, noncommital rollercoaster that absolutely shatter’s Dick’s heart.

Dick doesn’t know how to articulate any of that, so he packs up and leaves.

Speirton

So doomed from the start that they don’t even try to make it last.

Lipton is married. He has a duty of a husband waiting for him, he vowed so, and he will take responsibility. Love is not an excuse not to.

Speirs knows that he will never have anything permanent. He believes this wholeheartedly and is too tough to allow himself to grieve over it.

He’s romanticized the culture of having affairs in the army like the ancient Greeks and Romans did. When he and Lipton happen, he believes from the start that it is only temporary, something romantic that exists only in secret and briefly in war time, and then it’s to be ended and fondly remembered.

Lipton is in love with Speirs. So much in love in fact that if Speirs were a woman, he’d leave his wife for him.

But Speirs is a man, and Lipton knows there can never be a future for them. Secretly he wishes that his wife would leave him so that he could indulge his impossible daydreams more, but she doesn’t.

Lipton doesn’t count sleeping with a man as cheating. He knows he loves Speirs and that he loves him, but it’s not real or legit in the eyes of society, so it doesn’t count.

They throw themselves into their affair and try to experience a lifetime during the limited time they have and not think of the end.

The end comes naturally. Speirs stays in the army because Lipton just isn’t a part of his life, not permanently.

Lipton is going home to the States and will learn to love his wife again.

They never say goodbye. That way what they had never existed, but also never ended.

BabeRoe

They never admit that they are lovers.

There are certain lines that you just don’t cross if you’re a good Catholic boy.

It’s not like either one is a proper and decent wait-until-marriage Catholic, but with each other that sort of pressure suddenly manifests. Following purity morals in literally every other way makes them feel at ease with the fact that they are both men.

How much feelings can you load into hand-holding? A lot.

How about a kiss? Well, is it even just one if you never stop?

They grabble at each other in the dark, but never cross the line.

They kiss and hold each other and kiss again, even touch themselves while lying next to each other, but that’s it.

This affair never blooms fully, and as such it can’t survive.

There’s too much pain and guilt, too much moral baggage and repenting. Too much sin.

The end of the war and going home hits them hard. They remember just how much distance there’s between them and how they have families and lives to go back to.

They pretend nothing ever tempted them in the first place, but they hug for goodbye for a long time.

Webgott

Seriously... Did they ever stand a chance?

They are too different in every way. Were it not for the army, their paths wouldn’t have ever crossed and they are kept apart by all of it again.

Not that they’d need that.

They have a lot of passion and chemistry, but nothing beyond that.

The war was a time for wild things and temporary flings, and that’s all they’ve built. Everything that would take effort, such as finding time to be together and sharing goals or a lifestyle, they let the army and the circumstances provide for them.

Joe is too full of grief and pain to be able to do anything. He can barely imagine dragging himself home to his family. Building a life with a partner is so far away from his mind that it doesn’t even occur to him.

Web comes to realize he’s been naive. He can’t even begin to understand Joe or what he’s going through. He doesn’t even share most of his experiences of combat. He feels like a stupid young lover who should have known to make himself scarce ages ago.

They don’t really know each other, and the pain and misery are not appealing things to start from.

Everything about them has been sparks and fire, but their departure is quiet and gentle. Their flame fades away, and they slip away from each other without even realizing exactly when it happened.

[bandomslayed]

I’m not saying you should focus more on racism, I’m just saying that that’s something that the community as a whole needs to focus on and try to repair, I’m sure they all already know that people don’t like their ships. If that’s an issue, then groups can have a strict age limit. Easy solve. The other things are things that can be taught and learned but with hostility all that’s going to happen is a deeper divide. You said you wanted to argue with people about the things you don’t like that they do in this community. I’m paraphrasing, but why not instead want to educate them. No one will ever react well to feeling like they’re being ridiculed or patronized. People worth spending your time on are the ones you can talk to without it being a shitshow. We’re having a dialogue. I’ve felt this entire time like everything I say, someone is going to search for one thing to deliberately misinterpret or magnify unnecessarily when, if there’s something that they have an issue with, it could be a perfect opportunity to educate me instead of people being hostile. I’m college educated and can think critically, I’m moderately well spoken, I’m open to instructive criticisms and discussing things that aren’t agreed upon so I’m just sort of confused by the fact that what I’m saying is being picked apart by other anons and to a degree, you. You all want to change my mind about age gaps, despite me being with someone older irl and feeling safe and genuinely valued for the first time in a relationship in my life so why do you think that calling my dead grandpa names, redirecting the conversation and then kinda mocking me when I attempt to understand wholly and agree with some of the things you’re saying? That’s not going to convince me or anyone else. It just makes people feel defensive. Reiterating here that I’m not saying YOU specifically need to talk about racism more, and I’m not trying to diminish your experience or anything like that In just saying that those topics (discrimination of any kind, abuse of any kind) in the community are things we should be discussing instead of ships we think aren’t comfortable. I feel uncomfortable with relationships in real life and in rp all the time but that isn’t up to me to say it’s wrong or bad. It’s no ones right to tell any two consenting adults that what they’re doing is wrong. But it is a human right to tell someone when they’re being insensitive, and that’s a flaw in the community that people can be educated on and learn to handle with more sensitivity and knowledge but we’re never going to reach that point if we’re all just hostile and cruel to one another. Also reiterating that I’m not using personal examples to get cred, I just like examples because I think using them shows where I’m coming from so that any person who wants to have a dialogue can have a frame of reference for why my opinions are what they are on any topic. If I’m wrong, or insensitive, or just kinda dumb I want to know that but simply telling me I’m wrong or insensitive or dumb doesn’t teach me how not to me. And this doesn’t just mean me, I mean the whole community. It will never improve if we all just talk about the things we don’t like and give no feasible solutions.

alright i see what you want so let me switch to my white pleaser voice and deliver since you're so keen on being patronizing and in the same breath, acting like me taking what you say "the wrong way" is the problem. in bullet points so next time u come back to keep going at it u can pinpoint exactly what it is i misconstrued because u will do it anyway.

you're asking the community as a whole to care more about racism but you're talking to me who's leading the conversation in the first place. i understand you didn't imply i specifically should care more about it, but you're still using racism to discredit my point of view on age gap relationships being an important topic to discuss as well, and watering it down to just me not liking people's plots when that is not the message.

nobody is telling anyone how to live their lives. im bringing awareness to the fact that this culture is not okay. it's dangerous to our young. it NEEDS to be uncomfortable to you (you, plural) to invite to this so called critical thinking.

im not saying your partner doesn't have a right to be loving or grandpa and grandma had abuse masked as a good relationship. im saying, since it needs to be spelled out with no room for misinterpretation; the culture behind someone 10+ years older finding it completely okay to pursue someone that much younger — especially when we're talking 18 - 30 age range — needs to be looked at more closely. it's not safe in general. do exceptions exist? absolutely, but the whole two consenting adults point is a terrible one to make when at 18, you're considered that when you're still essentially just a child.

a strict age limit, which most groups adopt now, does little to actually prevent age gap relationships within roleplays. moreso, uneven power dynamics within plots being glamorized. my boss is not over 5 years older than me, but he is my boss. kpop boybands don't have age gaps of 10+ years in groups, usually, but there is a leader most times acting like a father figure, not to mention korean culture is heavy on emphasizing age-related hierarchical order, so a literal still wet behind the ears child establishing a romantic connection with someone who is not their equal? dangerous.

now let's halt. i already told you, i don't give a shit about respectability politics. it is not my job to be nice and educate anyone. and i don't mean just on this blog... most of you whites have come to assume and expect, even, that poc will be subservient, docile, and always willing to switch and nicely explain to you why the very core of the way you think about the world because you grew up sheltered w/e is not the whole picture for everyone. the worst part? most of them do. most of them do put their thinking caps on and write these novel worthy, intelligent, respectful, calculated think pieces only for the white in question to turn around and still deem it aggressive, etc. i don't do that. that is labor that most of you do not deserve.

the implication that there are feasible solutions for these problems that don't require for people to literally rework their entire mindset is naive at best. what am i supposed to do? be like nooo don't be racist, racism is bad BECAUSE it hurts people. i think all of you are old enough to know that by now. you definitely have enough internet exposure to know that, even if you grew up in all white sundown town america.

i explain my points. i actually explain my points more than the average person, yet here we are still saying im not doing enough to educate those around me as if it was my responsibility to change the way people think with sugar spice and everything nice so they feel their hand is held and it's safe to make a mistake that will consequently hurt other people as many times as they need to make it to finally grasp the reality of it and be able to just... not do that in the future. when no. no. when you hurt me, im allowed to react emotionally, not intellectually. when im angry and upset and still explaining why, its YOUR job to swallow it down and listen to what im saying, because YOU hurt me. i don't owe you civility (again; you, plural). i especially don't owe you civility when ive given you nothing but in the past and the end result is still me being an aggro freak who doesn't care for your precious feelings.

you're also assuming things. for example, assuming that im mocking you specifically when i really have not done that. if im going to mock you, im going to reply to your anon and say "okay stupid", then yeah, im mocking you. otherwise? don't assume im directing anything at you.

we're having a dialogue and this whole time all you've done is tell me to stop talking. your messages have all, in essence, said, if people want to date other people who have a shitton of years on them, that is not a problem and you look prettier talking about something else. yes, that's also paraphrased. you didn't say that, of course, but why are we still here if not because you feel personally scrutinized over the reaction to the life examples that you willingly provided?

nobody is trying to change YOUR mind, you're just not willing to consider that your age gap relationships that have been beautiful and loving and safe coexist within a culture that is wicked. a person who's 10+ older than me, 24, has no business seeing me as a potential partner. it's not appropriate. yet if they do, and i also see them as a potential partner, there's nothing inherently evil about that specific instance. it is the circumstances (past), that lead to this kind of thinking in the first place what im asking everyone to analize and understand. and it does matter. it matters as much as racism, abuse, ooc mistreatment of rp partners. again, issues do not queue and wait for something to end so they can begin anew. every conversation i choose to have i consider worth having. you're free to stay out if you don't deem it important.

you're exhausting me thinking by turning my inbox into ap debate we're achieving grand things sooo hope this helps 🖤