#he's living his frank iero truth

[abrandnewshadow]

x x

[dumblilb]

YOU TASTE BETTER ☆

Frank iero x Fem! Reader

(Synopsis: He couldn’t stand the thought of not feeling her one more time before tour.)

(Warnings: SMUT, cursing, smoking weed LMAO, sub!frank, switch!reader (their rolls aren’t crazy obvious, I tried to keep it chill), also some fluff)

(Words: 2403)

* ・゚☆ 。・ * ・゚★ 。・ * ・゚☆ * ・゚☆

“Hey can you help me with the hair dye, I always fuck up the back.” Frank yells to her from the bathroom. She gets up from the couch and walks in to find him with half his hair dyed a dark black.

“Yeah, do you got gloves?” She asks and he points to the counter where they lay. She picks them up and slides them on. Then taking the bowl from his hands she has him sit on the counter as she applies the dye to his roots.

She could see him making dumb faces at the mirror in the corner of her eye but she just ignored him and finished up, removing the gloves and discarding them in the trash. Grabbing a plastic bag she put it on his head tying it tight and turning him to look at her.

“There, you look so pretty.” She says in a half truth, caressing his cheek with her thumb. He couldn’t help but laugh at her remark as he jumped off the counter and walked out to the living room.

“Thanks for the help. With us having the tour coming up next week I thought maybe I shouldn’t look totally trashed.” He jokes pulling her down on the couch with him, flipping the channels till it lands on a dumb movie for them to mostly ignore.

“Hey I rolled before you got here but then I got distracted with my hair, do you wanna?-“ He says to her pointing to the blunt laying on the coffee table.

“Yeah why not.” She shrugs and get up to grab the lighter she knows is stashed in drawer on the other side of the room. She throws it to him and watched as the light illuminates his face as he puts the joint to his lips. She couldn’t help but feel something burning in the pit of her stomach as she watched the smoke leave his lips. The way his body relaxed back into the couch couldn’t even make the dumb ass plastic bag on his head look bad.

“Here.” He says as she sits down and passes it to her. She wasn’t the type to smoke all the time. But when she was with him, or the guys, it was a time she could relax and not worry about the repercussions. She put it to her lips and breathed in. She would cough a little from time to time but he never laughed at her. He didn’t care what lame shit she did. He always thought she look hot doing it, so it didn’t matter much to him.

She looked at the clock and realized it was time to wash out his hair so she lets him know and drags him to the bathroom. He leans over the tub and rest his hands on the frame, she removed the bag and turned the water on. She took the handle and started to gently rinse out his hair. Soon adding her fingers to the mix as she ran them through his hair to help the process. The feeling causing him to lose it, unknowably to her. The heat rose to his face and he just prayed it would be gone by the time this was done. She had finally finished and she turned the water off. She grabbed a towel from the rack and threw it on his head making him laugh.

God, she loved his laugh.

Once he had dried his hair enough she pulled out her hair dryer. He was against it at first, but then he realized her hands would he in his hair once again so he didn’t mind. She just quickly dried the rest and then put it back away. He turned to look in a mirror and smiled. She rested her chin on his shoulder and and admired him.

“You’re so beautiful.” She complimented and he couldn’t control his blushy smile. She always used more stereotypical feminine compliments for him. She always thought it fit him better. Sure he was handsome, but he was just so gorgeous in her eyes that handsome never felt like a strong enough word to convey her emotions. She gave him a quick hug from the back and walked back to the couch. Him following close behind.

She sat down and he cuddled right up close to her. He picked the blunt back up and took a hit before passing it to her. He kept his eyes close on her lips every pass, and they would travel down every time she exhaled.

The way her chest moved up and down catching his attention. He passes the blunt to her once again and she puts it to her lips.

But this time he leans over to start kissing her neck. She gasps a little in surprise causing a few coughs to escape. But the feeling of his lips smile into her neck between each kiss made her let him keep going. The feeling of his cold lip ring against her neck made her shiver.

He was sloppy with it. The way he abused her neck and the feeling of his hands in her hair, returning the favor from earlier sending her over the edge.

He was practically on top of her as he messily kissed her moving from her neck to her lips slowly, dragging out the sensation. She swiftly put the blunt out in the ash tray on the table beside them as she blew the air out into his mouth. He moved from her lips to her chest.

Her bra having already been removed hours before due to it being many hours late into the night. Her shirt was quick to slide off as he got to his knees and continued to place messy kisses down her cleavage stopping write above her pantie line. He looked up at her with pleading eyes. She leaned down and placed a kiss to his lips giving him all the permission he needed to remove first her pajama shorts, then painfully slow he pulled down her underwear.

She moved her hips up ever so slightly to give him access. He returned to giving small wet kisses down her stomach and her thighs. Soon finding his final place in her cunt. The cold metal of his lip ring grazing her clit every few moments causing her to squirm. He paused to lick her pussy, bottom to top, ending at her clit. He wrapped his lips around it and began to work. The sensation making the heat at the pit of her stomach increase. She tightly gripped the couch as he sucked. The feeling of his tongue entering inside her making a loud moan escape her lips. A smile forming on his own for a quick second. His tongue moved rapidly and he gripped her thighs squeezing them soft as he could. But the red marks would still be there after. He removed one hand from her thigh and his tongue from her cunt causing her to whine. Which quickly turned into a loud breathy moan as he inserted a finger into her.

“Does that feel good.” He whispers as she moves a hand from the couch to his hair. Running her hands through it as he pumps in her back and forth. His face was wet and his lips looked red and plump.

“Y-yes.” She moaned and used her hand to gently push his face back down into her. He inserted another finger causing her to scream as he put his mouth back on her clit doing double time on her pussy.

The feeling in her stomach tightening made her realize what would soon happen so she tried to warn him but he ignored her and kept going pumping back and forth, in and out of her with a good rhythm. His tongue sloppily massaging her clit. She felt the feeling rise up in her and a loud sigh escaped her mouth as she came. He quickly removed his fingers and switched to his mouth being on her cunt and his fingers rubbing her clit as she rode out her high. She trembled under his touch as he used his free hand to hold her down. His tongue and fingers got slower as the shaking stopped and soon he came up for air. Placing soft kisses to her clit as he rubbed her legs gently, reminding her of how good she was for him. Her body relaxed as she breathed heavily.

He continued to leave, now wet, cum covered kisses up her body over her chest licking her tits messing with them for a second with his tongue, and ending up back to her mouth. Where he kissed her.

“You taste so good.” He sighs between kisses.

She wasn’t done though. The taste of her on his lips making her go crazy. She pulls off his shirt revealing more of his tattoos causing her to smile. She loved the way he looked so soft, contrasting the fact that his body was covered in ink.

She flipped him over to lay him down on the couch. Her bare tits rubbing against his chest as she ran her fingers through his hair. She sat in a straddling position with her legs on opposite sides of him. She looked him in the eyes and without warning pulled his hair back, just hard enough to not hurt him too much. She started to kiss his neck, sucking on it every few moments. Leaving purple marks there for the morning. She could feel his dick growing hard under her bare cunt through his lose plaid pajama pants. The sensation making her even more wet.

She continued to his kiss him roughly as she moved her hands down to his pants pulling them off enough so he could kick them down. Returning the favor from earlier she slowly removed his boxers as she placed small kisses down his dick. The feeling making him whine with pleasure. But he practically begged for more as he gripped her hips running his hands from there to her tits. He pulled her up and looked in her eyes.

“Please.” He breathed out soft enough to barley be a whisper. He was fully erect now and ready. She went down quickly to suck him off a few times. The feeling of her lips around his dick making him moan. After a few passes she removed her lips swiftly grabbing a condom from the side table drawer and sliding it on for him. He groans as she positions herself up to him and she quickly inserts him into her. Heaving breaths escape his lips as his back arched. She bopped herself slowly… painfully slow on his cock up and down his hands gripped her waist tightly.

The feeling of him inside her sent her over the moon but she didn’t want him to know that quite yet. She kept almost a poker face of content pleasure as she bounced herself around him. The feeling of him rubbing against her walls causing a small tear to roll down her cheek in ecstasy. She pulsed, clenching every few moments at the feeling. She wanted more, she wanted it faster. She wanted him to scream her name as she fucked him, so the whole neighborhood knew he was hers. But she controlled herself for now and leaned down, placing messy kisses to his lips. Him not even being able to keep his mouth closed for more than a second as uncontrolled moans escaped him. She bit at his lip ring pulling a little knowing it would make him twitch. The feeling of it in her cunt making her smile. She sat back up straight and started going faster. The muscles in her legs tightened as she moved her hips up and down in circular motions.

The sight of her tits moving up and down as she pumped mesmerized him. He pulled her chest down to him as he massaged one tit, the other in his mouth. As he played with her nips using his tongue, he licked and sucked till she felt raw. She let out a moan making him pleased. She continues to move rapidly on his dick as he holds on to her practically leaving long scratches to her hips in the process. She kept feeling him twitch inside her. The feeling of him hitting her g spot each time making her feral. Just as he’s about to cum she stops for a second. And a groan leaves his lips.

“What do you say?” She says slowly lifting her hips up. Knowing she would soon come to her second end of the night. But she wanted him to beg.

“P-Please.” He whines. Loudly. So she leaned down placing a kiss to his lips. But mid kiss she slams back down and she smiles continuing to move up and down at a fast pace. His loud moans filled the room making her go insane. He started to buck his hips but at this point she didn’t care to correct his as a loud breathy moan left his lips. He would hit her spot repeatedly as his dick shook inside her. Letting her know he was ready. She moved her hips up and down quicker and she felt it. She felt him cum. He practically screamed her name as she rode out his high. The heat coming from the condom being the last thing she needed before she released on him. The feeling leaving her cunt happy and her cum all over his cock as he pulled it out. He removed the condom and tossed it aside, his hands shaking. Before he could do anything else she leaned him back down.

“Let me do this.” She says still wildly out of breath. She put her lips around him and slowly started sucking him clean. She licked him from the base to the head a few last times before quickly bobbing her head in a circular motion, knowing what it would do. He was always quick after the first fuck so he came for the second time that night. Fast. And as his cum enters her mouth spilling down her chin she didn’t care. She placed disgustingly wet and cum induced kisses all over his body till she got to his lips. The sounds of his heaving moans making her smile.

“You taste better.”

[angstics]

a long introspective post because i know with time i will forget this and i want to remember it all.

night of june 30th, technoblade's death was announced. i didnt believe it for a few minutes because i couldnt watch the video (i still havent). but it was true -- he passed away age 23 from cancer he discovered *less than a year* before his death. i keep quiet about how much i liked minecraft youtubers 2020 - 2021 because that turned out to be a DISASTER. but technoblade was one of the shining beacons. genuinely always the best, completely outside of post-death rose-tinted glasses. always.

before that, i was kind of getting into my chemical romance. id known of them my whole life. from dan and phil references to annoying ass g-note jokes to the twenty one pilot's cancer cover. i heard the Big Three hits but couldnt tell you what they were (except for "welcome") before listening to three cheers for the first time at the end of june. i dont know why i decided to start them. i wasnt really into music -- my top albums the last couple years included burnham's inside, starkid's twisted, and falsettos (2016). i wish i remembered better. if listening to them for the first time isnt a core memory, this is:

after 6 months of relative stability, i understandably hit a depressive episode in july. i would lie on my couch into the early morning for no reason. i wasnt trying to distract myself from his death ... there were no thoughts to be distracted from. it isnt a headspace i understand, especially since i never left it.

but for another unknown reason i thought to watch those mcr live shows. mind, at this point id only listened to three cheers. no exaggeration, i was betwitched by their performance. i most vibrantly remember gerard's eyes. crazy fucking eyes.

i'd forgotten cancer was an mcr song. when top released their cover, i listened to the original. i decided i liked twenty one pilots' more. i switched on that when i saw my chem on snl (i didnt watch BPID all the way through til a week later). it's the stripped down song, it's the direct lyrics, it's the crazy eyes. like he's trying to communicate EVERYTHING through his eyes.

the intro to BPID was like that too. when he ripped the hospital dress off and did the ghoul scream. had that feeling when i saw frank perform vampire money in glasgow. just. completely uninhibited. performace to say something truthful. unlike anything ive ever seen. from someone who wasnt very into music or live performance or theatre, much less the mechanics of it, i suddenly understood it all.

that screenshot is an abridged version of my actual search history. this is how it went.

june 26 i watched ->

side bar, thinking about it now, my interest in pink floyd directly lead to my interest in mcr. early morning july 1st, this is what i was watching (alan parsons project great reccomendation from my friend bink bonk):

july 2 i was watching videos a friend of techno's publicized to commerate him. the mcr video was in the reccomended tag -- a combo of the live pink floyd video and the im not okay mv. crazy how influenced my life is by where youtube leads me.

then i saw a LITTLE bit of BPID before seeing my chem in 2022 for the first time. this was just weeks after bonn. i didnt watch the full eden either. but i did watch all of "welcome" at milton keynes, based on the time stamps

this whole fucking day spent watching mcr videos. reading 2011, zack sang clip frank iero explains reading 2011 drama, mcr iceberg explained, "mcr best perfomance", "mcr best moments", mcr on letterman, mcr snl, "understanding the black parade" (i had not listened to black parade) -- then i left at 4pm. probably to sleep.

july 2nd was The day. i remember while watching these videos a realization hugging me. i knew that i was struck. from july until november, the majority of my conversations had something to do with my chem.

at the very beginning, i texted people about them to gage modern attitudes. growing up, they were adjacent to bands i thought sold out or lost their spark -- panic!, twenty one pilot, fall out boy. as ive said a million times, there is a Reason i didnt get into my chem earlier. just the other day on a SPECIFICALLY EMO SUBREDDIT there were people talking about how they "weren't ashamed to like mcr". where does this shame come from!!!!!! too mainstream for punk, too punk for mainstream. everyone knows this.

well anyway, july 2nd was just the first layer: the performance. july 11 (/early july 12) was another big day. the second layer: gender and sexuality. literally my tags on the first mcr post i reblogged ->

then i saw the great collection by flockofdoves and. well.

same day i found out about "i wanna be your joey ramone" and sleater-kinney, though i wouldnt listen to the song for a short while. that's layer 4: branching out to other music.

layer 3 was music appreciation. i listened to each of their albums in full sequentionally (KIND OF since i relistened to bullets 3 times were i only listened to the others in full 2 times max), purposuefully holding off for weeks between each album. i remember the first time i sat down to listen to black parade. i was buzzing at like 12:30 am because id decided that was the night. the end -> dead rocked my whole world. never got the instinct to bang your head around til those songs. the whole album was fucking amazing but something aboout famous last words got to me. id be sitting in the car with my sister and singing the bridge over and over. the perfect string of words -- with words i thought id never speak: awake and unafraid, asleep or dead.

i used to hate live performances because the music sounded worse than the studio version while giving me nothing performance-wise. id never wanted to go to a concert in my life. but not only did they sound GOOD live, it was a whole different experience. an adaptation that added to the experience in ways entirely different to what is lost. like i said, crazy eyes. and smiles like flowers and the audience louder than the amps and movement led by sound and memory. like. like nothing else. you cant understand this unless youre in love -- completely dedicated to it.

sometime in august i discovered they were coming to my town the next month. the first concert i ever wanted to go to. my parents were a nightmare about it the whole month until i got the permission to go. ive said also said this a million times: it was like rapture.

i dont understand why you would want to do anything that doesnt work towards that same feeling. my parents didnt get that feeling and i couldnt go to another show. it's been months and it still drives me insane. it drives me fucking insane. it drives me insane.

so those are the core memories related to my chem that got me here. it's a lot of love. love so big i cant even hold. it's belief. something close to religious. it's a lot of fear too -- fear the feeling will go away, that i'll "wake up", fear that they'll be taken. one reason i dont like music is the feelings i attach to it are so profound that i cant listen to it without feeling what i felt in the past. it's why i limit how much i listen to my chem. that's another fear -- though i attach positive feelings to the band, im engaging in it while depressed. more than engaging, obsessing. i cant focus on much else.

i hope as i get better mentally, this doesnt leave me. i got into it to cope. it showed me another dimension of art and life and emotion. it's a hard thing to navigate. i want the good, healthy parts of this to be my life. i hope i can figure that out. i hope it works out.

july 26 2020, i looked this up:

i have no memory of this at all.

the night before, i was on a technoblade binge that ended with me watching one of his seminal videos that i remember beat for beat.

i love technoblade forever. i cant watch his videos right now, but i hope i can someday. i love my chem forever. i hope-

[thisaintascenereviews]

L.S. Dunes - Past Lives The idea of supergroups is kind of a strange one, at least at its core, because it jut means a group of talented musicians from other bands come together to make something that should work on paper, but it doesn’t always work in practice. They’re also really interesting if the sound of the supergroup in question sounds any different from the musicians’ original bands, because what’s the point of listening to the supergroup if they sound like something they’ve already done or continue to do? A few months ago, supergroup L.S. Dunes was announced, including Anthony Green of Saosin and Circa Survive fame, along with Frank Iero of My Chemical Romance, and members of Thursday and Coheed & Cambria, so in other words, that’s a who’s who of 00s post-hardcore. I mean, Thursday is a pioneer of the early to mid-00s post-hardcore scene, along with Saosin’s 2003 EP that Green was apart of (until he rejoined the band in 2018 0r 2019), and My Chemical Romance doesn’t need an introduction, unless you’ve been living under a rock, because they’re one of the biggest bands in the entire world, who ultimately ended up as the poster children for that 00s scene, thanks to 2004′s Three Cheers For Sweet Revenge, and 2006′s The Black Parade. There’s a lot of pedigree here, and a lot of people, myself included, were wondering what this band is going to sound like. I never listened to any of the singles, because I wanted to check out the album as a whole to keep myself surprised. I was also kind of apprehensive about L.S. Dunes, because I’ve never been that big of an Anthony Green fan, at least after 2010, anyway. I do like some of his stuff, as the debut EP with Saosin is great, and his early work with Circa Survive, or his 2008 debut solo album is really solid, but he has an issue of all of his vocals sounding very similar. He’s got a great voice, but he just isn’t good with hooks, although it could just be Circa Survive, as that’s where he’s spent most of his time recently, and they were never a hook-heavy band, either. I don’t know, I just haven’t been a fan of his vocals for the last handful of years, so I didn’t know what to expect with Past Lives. I’ve given this album a handful of listens in the last few days that the album’s been out (as of writing this, anyway), and I have plenty of thoughts on it, but here’s the short version -- if you like post-hardcore from the early to mid-00s, you’ll like this, because it sounds like it came right out of 2005, but that’s it. Okay, that’s kind of unfair, because there are a few more things to talk about on this album, but yeah, there’s not much to this thing at all, which is both a good and a bad thing, In some respects, it works to its favor, but it also hinders the album, too. Let’s talk about what works, first and foremost, and there are a lot of good things here. This album is overall quite good, and although my dated post-hardcore comment was slightly in jest, there is some truth to that that I’ll talk about later on, but I digress. Funnily enough, its sound is one thing I do really like. They have that old-school post-hardcore sound that sounds great, especially on the song “Permanent Rebellion,” which might be the best song here, because it really showcases everything they do, including Green’s screams and cleans, a heavier and lighter post-hardcore sound, and Green’s abstract and poetic lyricism that he’s known for. Songs like “2022,” “Antibodies,” “Grey Veins,” and a few more that have that sound, but they showcase how good Green’s vocals are. He is one of the best singers of this style, and it shows; his voice has aged like fine wine, and if you love his voice, you’ll love it here. As much as I like its sound, that’s also its biggest hinderance, because this is a generic post-hardcore album at its, well, core. There’s nothing unique, special, or new about this. It’s interesting, and it keeps my attention, but the more I listen to it, the more I wonder why I’m listening to it when the members’ original bands exist. I could listen just listen to Circa Survive instead, and their earlier work is better, anyway. Not to diminish the effort that these guys have put in, but this is kind of just a typical post-hardcore album, and that’s it. Green sounds great, but he sounds like he’s on autopilot, too, as he seems to be recycling vocals from Circa, and it just doesn’t hold up too well over multiple listens. This is one of those albums that loses its sheen the more you listen, because it sounds great on first impressions, but you’re just like, “Why would I listen to this when it reminds me of better stuff?” Everything just sounds like something I’ve heard before, for better or worse, and you might not get bothered by that if you really love it, but if you’re picky or you want something better, you might feel the same way I do. I’ve gotten a few listens out of it, but not as much as I thought. I’m not dying to go back to it, minus a couple of songs, because most of it doesn’t do anything for me after multiple listens. I don’t know, folks, this record is good, and everyone sounds great here, but at the same time, it sounds like everyone is on autopilot and this just sounds like every other 2005 post-hardcore band, so take that as you will. It seems to lean too hard into its nostalgia, and that can be a good or bad thing, depending on how you look at it. I’d recommend it, because it’s still very good, but your mileage will vary, depending on how you feel about post-hardcore as a whole. 

[babymetaldoll]

Danger Days - Chapter eight: "You don't own me"

Word count: 8,6K

Summary:  Joey is back and finally reunited with Matthew. Gubler is, by the way, crazy jealous about Mikey.

Warnings: Smut, NSFW, penetrative sex, cursing, jealousy.

A/N: Is Matthew right to be so jealous? ... I'm guessing the answer is yes.

Masterlist

Chapter one | Chapter two | Chapter three | Chapter four | Chapter five | Chapter six | Chapter seven | Chapter eight | Chapter nine | Chapter ten | Chapter eleven | Chapter twelve | Chapter thirteen | Chapter fourteen | Chapter fifteen | Chapter sixteen | Chapter seventeen | Chapter eighteen | Chapter nineteen | Chapter twenty | Chapter twenty one | Chapter twenty-two | Chapter twenty-three | Chapter twenty-four |

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::: November 6th, 2010:::

The show was over, sweat dripping down Gerard’s face. He could still listen to the crowd yelling as he walked out of the stage and over the dressing room. He was tired, it was the last date of the leg of the tour, and he felt ready for a good break from being on the road.

Frank grabbed a bottle of water and drank almost half of it. Joey looked at him with a funny stare.

- “Shit! You were fucking dehydrated!”

- “And you failed in your crusade to keep me moisturized”- the drummer burst out laughing and hugged him friendly

- “I can’t believe you remember that!!”

- “You never forget a girl who promised to moisturize you”- the guitarist kissed her cheek, both of them were pretty sweated, but neither of them seemed to care.

- “Fuck Jersey, I’m gonna miss you. I’m not gonna listen to your weird, kinky jokes in a whole month.”

- “Bug, you are so gonna get my calls, so many calls!!”- Joey laughed and let him go.

She was honestly gonna miss him. Though she had managed to stop flirting and staring at him like she knew she had done, their friendship continued to grow, and they were closer than ever. Gerard hated it, but there was nothing he could do about it.

- "Come on!"- Ray argued, overhearing the conversation- "It’s just one month! And you better enjoy it, ‘cos starting February, you are not getting rid of us."

- "And you are not getting rid of me these days either"- Mikey quickly added, and Joey stuck her tongue out to him.

- "That I already knew, bróðir!"

- "It was a good show"- Gerard said out of the blue, and everybody looked at him.

- "Yeah"- they all answered and sat for a while. Ray took off his shirt and looked for a clean one in his bag. Joey quickly ran over and tapped on his pectorals.

- "I’ve seen these a hundred times already, and I still can’t get over the fact you’ve got better tits than I do!"- Ray burst out laughing as Gerard turned around not to see that scene.

In the latest days, he had had to swallow all his jealousy in a slightly successful attempt to stay a little further away from Joey. But staring at her being so close and friendly with everybody was making shit harder for Way. It was a good thing they had a month’s break. Maybe that would help to cool off his head from that crush.

- "So, dinner?"- Frank asked as he took off his shirt too to change into a dry one.

- "First a shower, then dinner and then… to the airport?"- Joey looked at her wristwatch- "Why are we flying at three in the morning?"

- "‘Cos it was the only flight available"- Ray quickly answered and cut the girl a smile- "But it gives us time to shower, eat dinner and get chocolates in the duty-free."

- "You had me at “shower,” then you said chocolates, and you made it perfect"- she answered and grabbed a shirt from her bag. It was the same every time. Gerard would get all excited about the possibility of her taking off her shirt right there with them, but she would always lock in the bathroom for a quick change.

- "Bummer!!"- Frank yelled as soon as Joey closed the bathroom door behind her back- "One day, we are gonna get a shitty venue without a bathroom or whatever, and you are gonna have to show us your bra!!"

- "Never!!"- Joey yelled, laughing from the bathroom. Frank laughed too and sighed. He made it sound like a joke, but he was dead serious about it. He still had a crush on the girl, though he had managed to keep it under control.

Dinner was nice. The band ate at the hotel and left for the airport. Gerard was excited to think maybe if he had a seat with Joey again, but no, he didn’t. Instead, she was alone with a stranger the whole flight to Munich. She didn’t really mind though, she would enjoy the little time alone she got after being most of her time locked in a bus with the band. It was fun, but it could get to be a little too much. And though she wasn’t really a woman with many female friends, she needed a more women-friendly environment for a while. Maybe not having Mikey farting most of the day was going to be nice. Or Frank burping. Or Gerard staring at her. Shit, Gerard staring at her was the worst, ‘cos it made her feel awkward. She needed to get away from him for a while.

The flight from Munich to New York was too long to be true. Luckily, the whole band was too tired to be awake most of the time. They got into the plane and fell asleep right away. Frank looked at Ray sitting next to him and punched his shoulder, forcing him to take out his headphones, pause his movie, and looked at his friend.

- "What?"

- "What are you doing?"- Iero asked and grinned.

- "Fuck you, Frank"- and the boy just laughed.

- "I wanted to know if Christa is picking you up or if you need a ride home. Jamia is coming with the girls to the airport."

- "Thanks, but Christa is coming for me, and my plan is to stay awake to get this jetlag straight."

- "Yeah"- Frank smiled and elbowed his friend- "Sure thing, the jetlag... "- Ray blushed and smacked his friend’s head.

- "I don’t appreciate you talking about me and my wife private life."

- "I didn’t say a thing."

- "Shut up!"- Joey and Mikey said at the same time, sitting right behind the other guys.

- "Stop speaking at the same time. It’s disturbing"- Frank agued and turned around to look at them.

- "Be glad you only have a half-hour left with us then"- Mikey quickly answered and wrapped an arm around Joey’s neck.

- "I’m so sorry for Gerard. He is stuck with you for another six hours."

- "He has been stuck with me his whole life. He is going to have to bear with it"- Mikey said, chuckling.

Needless to say, Gerard didn’t really have a problem with being with Joey for another couple of hours.

The goodbye was slightly sad. And a little awkward. Frank and Ray insisted on introducing Joey to their wives. And considering they had a whole hour to kill before boarding their next flight, the drummer agreed.

It was so weird meeting Jamia, but it also helped her kill the little crush she had on Frank.

Jamia was gorgeous, and the babies - Cherry and Lily- were the cutest. Frank changed completely as soon as he was with them. He turned into a dad and stopped being the annoying teenager Joey had spent two weeks with.

- "It’s so great to finally meet you"- Jamia said as she shook the drummer’s hand with a huge smile.

- "Me too! Frank has talked so much about you I feel like I’ve known you for years now"- which was totally the truth. In the last days, Frank had gotten so excited to go home, he wouldn’t stop talking about his life in Jersey.

- "I am so sorry"- Jamia said as they all sat down in a Starbuck.

- "What for?"

- "Anything my husband has done to make you uncomfortable, like farting, and burping, and being gross"- Joey burst out laughing and turned to her friend.

- "Jersey, your wife is an angel. She is a keeper"- and the guitarist smiled, proud.

- "I know, I don’t know how she can bear with me."

- "Probably ‘cos she had your babies"- Joey grinned, and Frank stuck out her tongue to her. Gerard and Mikey sipped their coffee in silence- "Too bad dad had to go so quickly. I wanted to meet Christa better."

- "You’ll have another chance, Bug"- Mikey smiled at her and sighed. He didn’t really want to go back home. It meant facing the inevitable: his divorce.

Joey and Jamia chatted for a long while. Mrs. Iero needed to know what she was dealing with. And mostly if she was going to get a chance to meet Matthew. By the end of their coffee, Jamia felt much more calmed to know the drummer, and Joey felt so much better to feel Mrs. Iero didn’t hate her. It really scared her to think any of the wives of her colleagues could think something wrong about her, except for Lynz. She didn’t scare her… it panicked her. If she only knew what she wanted to do to her husband.

Frank hugged Joey tight, keeping a safe emotional distance thanks to the proximity of his wife and his real-life in Jersey. He also hugged Mikey and Gerard and promised to call soon. Then, the Way brothers and Joey walked to the domestic terminal and looked for their gate. They got there just when they had started boarding.

- "Seems like we are all sitting together"- Gerard said, taking a look at their boarding passes.

- "Awww, my last six hours with you"- Joey quickly answered and smiled.

- "Stop saying that. You really aren’t getting rid of me these days"- the youngest Way said with a funny smile.

- "Next week I’m flying to Seattle for a few days, you are gonna have to learn to live without me, Mikey Way"- Joey quickly answered and kept walking with him to the gate.

- "Damn it! What am I supposed to do those days?"

- "Go torture Gerard for a change"- she replied and looked at Gee, who was staring back at her. But instead of saying anything about his brother, the singer asked.

- "Are you going to see your parents?"

- "Yes! Mom is forcing me to go and pretty much making me feel guilty for “abandon them” for my job."

- "Wow, that sounds harsh"- Mikey raised an eyebrow- "Can I go with you?"

- "No, Mikey. Matthew is coming along, and he is actually going to meet my parents, which is a huge deal for me."

- "Why?"

- "My parents have never met one of my boyfriends"- Joey confessed and passed her boarding pass to the crew by the gate of their flight.

- "Never?"- Gerard was surprised- "Why?"

-"I’ve never had a serious boyfriend."

- "Again, never?"- Gerard was surprised, and so was Mikey.

- "Yeah. I’m not really a people person, and I don’t usually date a lot, so… that’s it"- Joey cut them a fake smile and started walking to the plane, followed by her friends.

- "I can’t believe you are not a people person. That’s really bullshit"- Mikey argued but met Joey’s serious face.

- "I am, and that’s it."

By the tone of her voice, the two guys knew she wasn’t joking about it. So neither of them kept asking questions and remained quiet until they all sat down. The girl was sitting in the middle of the two guys, which made the three of them very happy. At least she knew she could talk to Gerard not feeling awkward ‘cos Mikey was right there to join the conversation too. Well, that if she made it to speak to Gerard, considering they both had been ignoring each other basically the whole week.

But it was a good flight. The three of them kept sleeping most of the time, watched a movie. Joey kept reading her book, Gerard borrowed it for a while, and Mikey kept reading the comics he had gotten in the airport. A typical trip for the three of them.

Matthew was waiting for Joey outside her gate. And as soon as she saw him, she ran to him and jumped into his arms, wrapping her legs around him and feeling his hands holding her tight.

- "Akumu"- she managed to whisper, rubbing her lips against him, refusing to stop the kiss.

- "My Yami"- he said and smiled, to keep on kissing her- "I missed you so much!"

- "I missed you more."

- "Please, never leave again."

- "I’m here now, and I love you so."

- "I love you so much."

Joey couldn’t stop kissing her boyfriend, and he refused to let her go, though people kept staring at them. One of which was Gerard Way.

- "Come on, kids! get a room"- Mikey said and tapped on Matthew’s back- "And be respectful of my sister in public places. Come on! she is a lady!"

- "Go away, bróðir"- Joey managed to say, still rubbing her lips against Matthew’s

- "You little rebel, hey man"- all the interruption forced the couple to stop their lovely reunion.

- "Hey"- Matthew shook Mikey’s and Gerard’s hands. The youngest Way smiled friendly, but his older brother couldn’t even fake it. He really hated Gubler.

- "Hello"- was the only thing he managed to say.

- "How was your trip?"- Gubler asked and smiled at the guys, now wrapping an arm around Joey and kissing her temple several times.

Gerard hated Matthew more and more with every second that passed. The singer had only managed to kiss her once on the forehead. This guy could kiss her whole body and probably have already. And most probably, he was going to do it again in the following hours. The whole idea made him jealous as hell.

- "Wait, how did you get here?"- Joey asked him and looked around- "You are not boarding a plane now, are you?"

- "No, Yami. I just… managed to ask for permission to get here for you and only for you"- Gerard wanted to smash Gubler’s head against the nearest wall. Joey pouted and kissed her boyfriend for what seemed to be a thousand times.

- "I love you"- she whispered and smiled.

- "Somebody’s gonna get laid!!"- Mikey joked as the couple kept on making out- "Ok, ok, come on, let’s go get our bags so you little love birds can… stop doing this in front of me!"

Mikey said and started walking. Gerard couldn’t agree with his brother more.

Lynz greeted her husband at the front door with the biggest kiss and the warmest hug. He kissed her back and smiled, feeling home. It felt good to have her in his arms. To have someone he loved wrapping her arms around him for a change. It had been too long since he felt that. And he didn’t want to let her go.

Mikey walked into an empty house. Alicia had taken pretty much everything. His house was filled with eco and desolation. Tears started falling down his cheeks. Tears soon became a waterfall. He sat on the floor, resting his back against the wall, howling. He hadn’t cried like that in years.

He took a look around at the empty walls. The empty room. His empty life, and realized how lonely he felt. He could fill the time on tour with his friends, with booze, with the shows. But in real life, on his daily basis, Mikey Way was ultimately and unquestionably alone. And that day, there was nothing he could do about it to face it.

Matthew could barely open the door as he refused to stop kissing his girlfriend. Her arms were wrapped around his neck, and her lips traveled from his mouth to his neck nonstop.

- "Yami... the..."

- "Fuck me right here against the door, I don’t care"- she whispered, and he groaned.

- "Don’t test me!"

The actor somehow managed to open the door, kicked the bags inside, and found the nearest couch.

- "I missed you so fucking much"- she whispered and pulled up his shirt.

- "Me most! And I needed to fuck you so badly. I hadn’t jerked off this much since I was in high school."

- "Then fuck me, Matthew Gray."

- "My plan exactly."

Joey didn’t care about the jetlag; she didn’t care about how tired she felt. She just wanted to feel her boyfriend inside of her as fast as possible 'cos fuck, she had missed him. And seeing him on top of her half-naked already made her feel as ready as she could be.

His lips played on her skin, making her shiver, as he licked and nibbled every inch of her that was possible. Joey’s hands kept moving on his skin as her eyes kept staring at him on top of her. It seemed he was hungry for her, and she wanted to be devoured.

- "Yami"- he whispered and kissed her neck as he finished taking all of her clothing off- "How much did you miss me?"

- "So much"- she moaned as his hardon rubbed her clit.

- "Show me how much you missed me"- she blushed as the two of them stayed still for a second, staring at each other. Joey slowly opened her legs and let Matthew in. Both of them groaned at the very same time as he filled her up completely.

- "Shit"- Joey bit his arm and scratched her nails on his skin.

- "So tight..."- he managed to say as he started thrusting slowly.

- "Just for you"- the girl sighed and kissed his neck

- "You feel so good, Yami."

Joey’s legs were wrapped firmly around his torso as his hand grabbed on hers, intertwining their fingers against one of the cushions of the couch. Their lips were sealed together, only parting for air every once in a while. And when they did, their eyes crushed, staring in complete silence, just moaning, just kissing, just enjoying the fact they were finally together again.

And they had never wanted each other more. It was sweet. It was passionate. It was love.

- "Please, make me cum"- Joey whispered and watched him smile.

- "Your wishes are my commands"- with those words, Matthew fastened his peace and looked at her. He propped up on his elbows, thrusting into her and hitting her g-spot with every single stroke. He wanted to kiss her, but he couldn’t stop staring at her with her eyes closed, whimpering and whispering his name.

- "You look so hot"- Gubler murmured, but she wasn’t able to answer. Instead, her moaning increased and turned into a yell filled with pleasure as she came, which was surely heard by the whole building.

- "Matthew..."- she managed to say as she caught her breath for a second.

- "I’m gonna... "- he whimpered against the skin he bit raw. His thrusts turned messier as he started losing into her, releasing himself and groaning deep into her shoulder as she kept her arms and legs around him.

- "Sorry"- he whispered and chuckled- "That was too fast."

- "I don’t care, we have time to do it again"- she answered and kissed him with a big smile.

- "I just missed you so fucking much."

- "I know, I missed you too... wanna shower with me?"

- "I wanna do everything with you"- she smiled and felt his lips on hers for a sweet kiss. She loved him. She didn’t want to forget that.

::: November 18th, 2010 :::

Matthew frowned as he walked into Joey’s apartment and saw Mikey sitting on the floor, holding a joystick. During the whole time he had dated Joey, Gubler had never met one of her friends. She didn’t have many- or any actually- and he knew it. They mainly were work buddies, or like Tucker, they lived far away. The drummer really hadn’t made friends in Los Angeles. That’s why it was so weird for him to see Mikey Way at her house now pretty much every day. Or that’s how it felt.

- "Hey Gub! Nice to see you again"- the bassist said and smiled, returning his eyes to the screen and pausing the game one second later- "Joey is getting ready for your date."

- "Hey, great… how are you?"

- "Awesome, we literally smashed Assassins Creed today"- Mikey smiled and pointed at the Playstation.

- "Sounds fun."

- "I’m ready, Akumu"- Matthew smiled and looked at Joey walking out of her room.

- "Wow"- he whispered and wide opened his eyes- "You look amazing!"

- "Thank you"- the drummer’s cheeks blushed as her boyfriend walked over and landed his hands on her hips, moving her closer to her body and rubbing his lips against hers for a moment before saying

- "Are you sure you wanna go out? We could stay here and take that dress off slowly"- and she giggled nervously at his insinuations.

- "If we go out and you look at me in the dress for a long while, you might want to take it off even more eagerly, and it might feel even better when you do it"- she murmured, looking straight into his eyes and kissed his lips.

- "Let me see you"- Mikey said and walked over, ruining the sexy moment- "Damn! You never ever dressed like that when we were on the road"- Mikey said and looked at her up and down, something that bothered Matthew very much.

Gubler was a jealous boyfriend, and Joey didn’t like that, so he always hid it. But most of the time, when a guy was too close to her, it honestly bothered him. Needless to say, the fact she was working with a band and a crew of only men, her being the only woman, hunted him day and night. But he made his best and didn’t say a thing ‘cos he wanted to support her no matter what. But Mikey was making things hard for him.

- "Stop it, bróðir!!"- she punched his arm and smiled- "What are you doing tonight?"

- "I guess I’ll stop by Gerard’s and annoy the fuck out of him."

- "Sounds like fun, say hi from me"- Joey grabbed her bag and jacket- "See you tomorrow?"

- "Yeah! I need you to come with me to Fender"- Way announced.

- "Why?"

- "They are working on a custom mustang bass for me. I designed it, and we are going to check it out."

- "Wow!"- Matthew said, surprised- "Dude, that’s great!"- but Mikey just shrugged. He was so depressed he really didn’t care.

- "I guess… anyway, I have to be there at noon."

- "On a Saturday?"- Joey frowned.

- "Yeah… I told them I couldn’t do it any other day."

- "Aren’t you being a little bitch with people just ‘cos you can?"- Joey teased him, and he smiled

- "I actually couldn’t"- Joey raised an eye and turned to her boyfriend.

- "Shall we? Mikey, lock the door when you leave"- they high-fived, and the couple left.

- "Wait… did you give him a spare key?"- Matthew asked, frowning as he realized what his girlfriend had just said.

- "Yeah, why?"- Joey didn’t seem to notice her boyfriend was serious about it.

- "‘Cos you met him last month."

- "And I’ve lived half of that time with him. I think I can trust him. He is my friend"- Joey made lights off of the whole deal, but Matthew was honestly mad.

- "I don’t like this"- he simply said and started the car.

- "Why?"

- "‘Cos I feel he is taking all of your free time."

- "That’s not true! I spend 99% of my time with you! I even go to the set with you! And I spend most nights at your house! So what is wrong with me also spending some time with my friend? Who is, by the way, the only friend I’ve got here in L.A?"

- "But... "- Matthew didn’t seem to find an argument to win that battle, or at least that could make sense to Joey.

- "But what? You don’t want me to hang out with other people?"

- "It’s not that! I just… find it weird that you work with them and go out with him and…"

- "He is my friend, Matthew!"- Joey sighed and looked straight at the road as her boyfriend kept driving. So much for a date’s mood. Gubler took a deep breath and started talking very slowly to sound calm.

- "I know he is your friend, and that’s not what bothers me…"

- "Then?"- the girl turned to her boyfriend and raised an eyebrow- "Are you jealous of Mikey?"

- "No…"- he hesitated, ashamed and even a little scared of Joey’s reaction.

- "You can’t be jealous of Mikey. He just lost his marriage. I am his friend, and he is fucking alone."

- "He has his brother and probably other friends"- Joey made a pause before answering because she felt bad talking about Gerard in front of Gubler.

- "Yeah, but he has his marriage, and I think his wife is best friends with Mikey’s ex… if Mikey didn’t want to tell him, do you think he wants to share his darkest moment with him?"

- "No, but why you?"

- "So you think he has a crush on me! What are you? Fifteen?"

- "No! That’s not what I meant!"

- "Then?"

- "I don’t know!! We’ve never been through this before! I just find it weird!"

- "So you are jealous"

- "Yes! Of course, I am!"- Matthew finally exploded- "But I trust you, so I know nothing bad will happen!"

Joey didn’t answer. She just started outside the window and counted to ten.

- "Yami?"

- "I trust you too, Akumu. And believe me, nothing is gonna happen between Mikey and me"- she whispered and felt her cheeks burning- "But please, don’t get jealous of him. He is the closest thing I’ve ever have of a brother in my entire life, and I love him very much."

The girl made her best to be calmed, she didn’t want to ruin the moment, and she made her best to understand what her boyfriend was going through. Though she hated to face that he was jealous, she could get how her boyfriend felt. It would be too cynical to tell him he had no one to be jealous of because he had no idea how she felt about Gerard. But that was completely platonic and not a threat at all.

- "So… are we ok?"- Matthew asked with a soft tone of voice and held his girlfriend’s hand.

- "We are ok, Akumu"- Joey answered and cut him a warm smile- "Are you ok with me going to Fender tomorrow with Mikey?"

- "Yes..."- he answered without hesitations.

- "Awesome ‘cos I was going to do it anyway."

Mikey lit a cigarette and looked up to the stars in the sky. He was sitting in his older brother’s backyard, drinking a beer, and basically just being there, trying not to think. Gerard was smoking next to him in silence, drawing something to kill time and sipping a diet coke from time to time.

- "So how was your day?"- he finally asked his younger brother.

- "It was good. I was with Joey the whole day"- and Gerard nearly chook- "We played video games, ordered pizza, and basically just did my favorite thing, nothing."

- "How is she?"

- "Great, she had a date night today; otherwise, I would have stayed for a slumber party with her and Gubler."

- "With him too?"

- "Yeah, he is a nice guy. He is obviously jealous as fuck, but Joey doesn’t seem to care, and neither do I actually"- Gerard chuckled

- "So he is jealous of all of us or just you?"

- "Just me… I guess it’s because we hang out a lot."

- "You do? Really?"

- "Almost every time she is not with him. We are going out tomorrow."

- "Where are you going to?"- and that was really something that caught Gerard’s attention

- "To Fender to check how’s my bass going. Wanna come along?"- the temptation was too big for Gerard to avoid.

- "Yeah, it sounds fun"- and he made his best to sound as casual as possible.

- "Great…"- Mikey took a long drag of his cigarette and stayed quiet again. Lynz walked over and cut them a short smile. Gerard’s little brother nodded but didn’t say anything.

- "I’m going out, guys,"- she announced and looked at his husband- "I’m gonna hang out with the girls"- and the girls included Mikey’s ex-wife. Everybody knew they were best friends.

- "Have fun, honey"- Gerard kissed her and smiled. Mikey waved and sighed- "Are you ok?"

- "Yeah"- he quickly answered and finished his beer- "I’m gonna take a piss."

Mikey locked himself in the bathroom and burst out crying. He was a wreck, and he didn’t want to show it, not to his brother. He didn’t need his pity. That’s why he hadn’t hung out with him so much those days. That’s why he was stuck at Joey most of her free time.

Alicia had destroyed him. Each time they talked, he ended up even more broken-hearted, more miserable. More alone. Joey had insisted on taking him to see her therapist, but he kept refusing. Instead, he had beer, or vodka, or whatever there was around. And cigarettes and the tv to numb his brain.

- "Are you excited to meet my parents?"- Joey asked Matthew as they sat in front of each other, smiling. He had taken her to her favorite Thai restaurant for dinner, and she was in heaven.

- "Scared maybe"- he whispered and blushed.

- "Why?"

- "I can’t stop thinking your dad is gonna be this tall, brawny Icelandic guy that’s gonna break every bone in my body for dating his daughter"- Joey burst out laughing and nodded.

- "That might be true, but my mom is gonna love you. And she is gonna overfeed you, so tomorrow you should eat light"- Matthew chuckled and held Joey’s hand.

- "I love you so much, Yami"- and she blushed.

- "Akamu, I think I love you more"- they stared at each other for a moment with a goofy smile, until the moment was ruined by her cell phone- "I’m sorry."

The girl whispered and looked at the screen, laughing as Matthew looked at her, not getting what was going on?

- "What is it? What’s so funny?"

- "Frank just sent me a photo. He dressed his kids like pumpkins!! Look! They are so cute!!!"- the girl gave him her phone, and he smiled, faked a smile actually. And it was so obvious, Joey locked her phone and placed it in her pocket.

- "I just… can we have a minute without someone from the band taking your attention from me?"

- "You have my undivided attention! Can you stop being jealous?"

- "Yes… I can! but it’s hard!"- Gubler sighed and calmed himself down ‘cos he knew that was a lost battle.

- "You can take my phone if you want and keep it away"- she said and gave it to him, in one of the toughest decisions she had ever made. That meant Joey was actually doing what her boyfriend wanted her to do. She hated that.

But she loved Matthew and didn’t want to have another argument that night. Matthew took it, turned it off, and placed it in his pocket, enjoying for once a minute of power in that relationship. Joey wasn’t a girl easy to handle. He loved the challenge, but sometimes it felt she was too independent of him. For him.

The sun shining on his face woke Mikey up. And it was hell. Another day, another hungover. He had fallen asleep drunk in his brother’s spare room. Not that he wanted to go home anyway, he didn’t feel like being alone. He quickly rolled in bed and looked at the time. He was late. Groaning, he looked for his phone around the room, found it in his pants, and dialed. Joey’s phone was off.

- "Fuck!"

Joey rolled on her bed and smiled. Matthew was sound and asleep next to her. She cuddled closer to him and kissed his naked skin.

- "This is what I miss the most when you are not home"- he whispered, waking up.

- "The way I wake you up?"

- "No, my arm numbed underneath your neck"- Joey chuckled and moved to free Matthew’s arm- "Thank you."

- "Sorry"

- "Don’t be. I love snuggling with you. You can numb all my limbers"- the girl giggled and kissed her boyfriend’s lips sweetly.

- "All of them?"- Matthew smiled and wrapped both arms around her.

- "Every single one of them… but right now, I have to go to work"- the girl pouted and felt him kissing her lips over and over again.

- "Who schedules a Meet and Greet on a Saturday?"

- "People who work the rest of the week and only have time on Saturday."

- "Touché"- Matthew smiled at her and kissed her lips before getting out of bed- "Meets and greets are weird"- she said and wrapped her body on the sheet as she stared at her boyfriend walking around her room naked, preparing to take a shower- "You literally just meet and greet someone."

- "Yes, that’s why the name"- he answered, chuckling.

- "Sorry, I can’t be smart if you are walking naked in my room"- the girl whispered, blushing. Matthew looked at her and offered his hand.

- "Would you be smarter if you shower with me?"

- "Nop, but I can be totally naughty."

- "That’s my girl…"

Gerard was memorizing every single street as Mikey drove to Joey’s house. He had never been there; his brother seemed to be there always. It bothered him, of course, but today it seemed to be pretty helpful actually. It had been over a week since the last time he saw her, and there was a part of him that missed her deeply. The other part of him felt guilty for missing her so much.

Mikey grabbed his phone and dialed again. Still off. Her phone was never off. What if something bad had happened to her? He dialed again. Nothing. The bassist cursed himself for not having Matthew’s number.

- "Are we close?"- Gerard asked, not looking at his brother, and never noticed he was about to freak out.

- "Yeah"

- "And… does she live with her boyfriend?"

- "No, she has a little one-bedroom apartment, he has… I think an apartment too, but Joey doesn’t want to move in with him yet"- Mikey just said it and didn’t detect his brother’s brightening eyes.

- "Why?"

- "They haven’t dated that long. She feels they aren’t there yet… there it is!"- the youngest Way pointed at an apartment complex- "I don’t see Matthew’s car here, maybe they are at his house."

Gerard frowned at that idea, feeling selfish and stupid. He had sex with his wife that week. Why couldn’t Joey have sex with her boyfriend? Easy: ‘cos Gerard wanted her to be his and only his. But that thought was killing him slowly. He didn’t know how to turn it off.

The Way brothers took the elevator to the fifth floor, walked down the aisle, and knocked on Joey’s door. Neither of them said a thing. Mikey grabbed the keys from his pocket and hesitated. He decided to knock on the door again, in case the girl was with her boyfriend.

- "What’s that?"- Gerard quickly asked, confused- "Do you have a spare key to her house?"

- "Yeah"- he simply answered, not getting his brother’s frowned face- "We exchanged keys in case of an emergency, that’s what friends do"- and Mikey rang the bell again.

- "What’s the rush?!"- the girl opened the door and wide opened her eyes as she first noticed Gerard was there, looking at her. And she was only wearing a robe. Great.

- "I’ve been calling you all day, Bug!"- Mikey hugged her, honestly worried- "I thought something had happened to you!!"

- "Oh, come on! I just… don’t have my cellphone with me"- she whispered and felt her cheeks burning as Gerard looked at her up and down- "Hey"- that was all she could say and smiled at him- "Nice to see you."

- "Nice to see you too."

- "Come in. guys. There’s fresh coffee in the kitchen. I’m gonna finish getting dressed."

- "And Matthew?"- Mikey asked, already pouring a cup of coffee for him

- "He left five minutes ago. He and the crew have a meet and greet today."

- Awesome! That means I have extra time to annoy you today"- the girl heard her friend’s voice as she walked over to her closet to get dressed.

- "Yes, but I have to come back home early to pack my bags. We are leaving for Seattle tomorrow"- she yelled back and picked her outfit. Meanwhile, Gerard wandered around, checking every little detail of the house that could tell him a little more about her. There was a drum, an electric drum, and… Mikey’s old bass?

- "Why is that here?"- he asked his brother.

- "I left it here the other day. Bug and I were practicing some songs together."

Mikey simply answered and sat on the couch, grabbed the remote control, and turned on the tv. Gerard looked at him, feeling his brother felt really at home. What else could he find? A family picture of her and her parents, some pretty artworks on the walls, and a million Playstation games.

- "Are we too late??"- the girl showed up shoeless, with wet hair and no makeup on. Just like that, Gerard’s heart skipped a beat. He couldn’t stop staring, and Joey felt his eyes on her the whole time making her blush. Having him at her house was too overwhelming for her. She kept trying to make light off of the fact she was embarrassed and nervous. She hadn’t seen Gerard ever since that day at the airport, and there was a part of her that had tried unsuccessfully to forget how he made her feel. It was clear that Gerard Way’s effect on her was not something you could get rid of in a few days.

- "Yeah, but you still have… fifteen minutes to get ready"- Mikey said and grinned.

- "I can make it in ten"- and so, she disappeared back into her room, to emerge eight minutes later, fully dressed and ready to go.

- "Shit! That was fast!"- Mikey said and smiled- "And you are hot enough to be a trophy wife"- Joey frowned and punched his shoulder.

- "I am a woman, not a thing to show around."

- "I was just joking."

- "You know I hate those jokes"- she made a pause and raised an eyebrow to her friend.

- "Damn! that hurt"- he argued, still rubbing the spot she smacked and stared at his friend- "Come on, you know I was joking."

- "Yes, but part of being your little sister is teaching you not to be an asshole repeating sexist jokes."

- "Fine"- Mikey turned off the tv and looked at his brother, who hadn’t said a thing in a long while- "Are you ok?"

- "Yeah… ready?"- Gerard quickly answered and looked down at his shoes, like looking for something he hadn’t actually lost.

- "Yeah, did you turn off the coffee maker?"- the girl looked at Mikey, and he didn’t move- "I’ll do it."

- "I didn’t remember Bug! Sorry!"- Joey walked to the kitchen and turned the machine off.

- "It’s ok, I would have checked it anyway"- she smiled as she walked back and opened the door- "Shall we?"

Having his own signature bass was Mikey’s dream. And for someone who was fulfilling his goal, the bassist didn’t really look happy. He checked the details, talked with the luthiers, played a little, made corrections, and set a date to see the progress in a week. But he didn’t smile at all the whole time.

- "How are you?"- Gerard whispered as he stood next to Joey at one side of the room, both of them staring at a wall filled with basses and guitars.

- "Good, you? How’s the break?"- she could almost feel her voice shaking as she talked to him. That’s how nervous he made her feel. And after so many days apart, the effect seemed to be getting worse, like a concentrated dose.

- "Good… very pleasant."

- "Are you having a nice weekend?"

- "Yes…"- he whispered and looked at her for a second- "I kinda missed you, you know? “Kinda missed you??! What the fuck was that, Gerard??! What are you?? twelve??!!”

- "Really?"- she whispered, surprised.

- "Yeah… you get used to being around people when you are touring."

- "That’s true"- Joey turned to him and smiled- "I’ve missed you too"- she whispered and looked back at the musical instruments around him.

- "You have?"

- "Sure. I haven’t talked to you since we got here. At least the other guys and I keep texting or calling each other. You vanished."

Gerard faked a smile and looked away. So it wasn’t just Mikey? all the guys talked to her daily, and he had no idea about it? Did that include Frank too?

- "Well, you haven’t texted either"- he simply replied and looked at her with a small smile.

- "You know I don’t have your number, right?"

- "What?"- Gee frowned, confused.

- "You never gave it to me… well, I never asked for it."

They looked at each other in silence, something that happened so often between them; it could be their natural behavior.

- "Would you give it to me?"- Gerard whispered, and neither of them moved.

- “That’s what scares me the most. Under other circumstances, I would give it to you,”- Joey thought and smiled, as her cheeks blushed

- "Your number"- he added and chuckled- “... Although.”

- "I know, perv. Give me your phone."

- "Hey kids!"- Mikey appeared next to them and smiled- "What are you doing?"

- "Giving your brother my number, ‘cos apparently, we weren’t friends until now."

- "Wow, that’s harsh! You didn’t ask for mine either!"- Gerard argued but chuckled.

- "Yeah, you keep saying that, but you didn’t offer it either, and Gerard Way’s number has to be something too exclusive to own."

- "Ok, you are both assholes"- Mikey ignored the whole conversation and looked at his friend- "I need you to help me, Bug"

- "What is it?"

- "I want you to help me pick up a new bass"

- "Don’t you have a hundred already?"- Joey teased him and walked with him

- "It’s not for me, it’s for you"- Joey stopped walking and frowned- "What? You need one."

- "I don’t."

- "Yes, you do, I’m gonna teach you, and I am not gonna lend you mines. They are too special."

- "Mikey…"- but he didn’t let her finish.

- "Besides, we are going to be touring so much, you are going to have to find something useful to do when we are on the bus. You can teach me drums, I can teach you bass, we are gonna be better musicians, it’s a win, win situation."

Mikey looked so excited about his idea Joey didn’t want to break the dream. Besides, it felt like he was making a project out of his whole idea, something to keep his mind entertained. And that sounded like a nice plan. Better than drinking himself to sleep most of the nights.

- "I’m not gonna convince you to change your mind, am I?"- she asked and giggled, staring at her friend’s serious face.

- "Nop"- he quickly answered, making sure the last “p” sounded loud, as it would make a statement or whatever.

- "Fine… but I’ll pay you back."

- "Oh, you are paying for it"- he quickly replied- "But not with money, I really want those drums lessons."

Gerard stared at the scene and sighed. His brother wrapped an arm around Joey’s neck as they walked to pick up her bass. He was jealous and worried at the same time. He was jealous of how close he was with her and how much he trusted her. Gee felt left aside from his problems. Joey had spent more time with his brother than him in the latest weeks. Ever since they met, actually. Why didn’t he trust his older brother anymore?

The bass they picked was a tidepool Player Jaguar Fender. Mikey carried it to his car and smiled proudly. Gerard took a Fender Rumble 15, and Joey just smiled embarrassedly.

- "You didn’t have to buy the amp"- she whispered to Gerard.

- "You can’t play bass without an amp"- he simply replied and smiled- "Besides, you can always pay me back in drum lessons too"- the girl chuckled, blushed, and looked at her friends.

- "Ok, kids, lunch is on me. You two deserve Joey’s signature menu for being this nice to me"- she grinned and got into the car.

- "And where are we going?"- Mikey sat behind the wheel and turned to her, just as Gerard, from the passenger seat

- "To my house, I am cooking you mi especialidad: bandeja paisa"- the Way brothers frowned and looked at each other- "Just come and eat like porks with me, ok?"

- "Fine"- Mikey answered and chuckled- "Are you gonna go all Latina on us?"

- "You better be sure I am."

- "I’ve never seen you like that"- Gerard said and looked at her again. She blushed and closed her eyes, embarrassed.

- "Well, I have, and it’s fucking weird!"- Mikey answered to his brother- "And when she starts mixing English, Icelandic, and Spanish… damn it!"

- "Vinsamlegast þegiðu! (Please shut up!)"- the girl shouted and hit Mikey’s shoulder- "Odio Cuando dices eso! (I hate it when you do that)"

- "See?"- the bassist turned to his friend- "It’s fucking weird."

- "Let’s take a selfie and send it to Frank and dad"- Joey said and looked for her phone in her bag. But never found it- "Oh fuck! Matthew has it"- she whispered and sighed.

Suddenly she remembered she had given it to him, and it bothered her to know she had given away some power to please a guy. Fuck, she deeply regretted doing that.

- "Let’s use my phone"- Gerard said and pointed the camera at them- "Ok, smile!!"

- "Say cheese!!"- Joey grinned, and the Way brother smiled- "Dad is gonna love that! He said he missed us too, he actually invited me to stay with him in Jersey while we rehearsed for the concert"- the girl said and looked outside the window- "I think it would be nice, I’ve never been to Jersey"- she kept talking, more to herself than to her friends.

- "You can stay with me too if you want"- Mikey said, and Gerard turned to him, scowling- "I mean, I’m gonna be home with our parents…"

- "That sounds so fucking weird, Michael James"- and Joey burst out laughing- "But though I love the idea of having a sleepover at your parents, Matthew is coming with me that weekend"- Gerard’s frown grew bigger.

- "Bug, tell me the truth"- Mikey said after a while. The radio was on, and the three of them had been basically just humming a few songs as they made their way to Joey’s house.

- "Shoot"

- "Matthew hates me, right?"

- "Why would you say that?"

- "‘Cos he looks like he hates me"

- "Of course not!"- the girl lied right away and snorted- "He is just shocked we got along so quickly."

- "Oh"- Mikey made a pause and chuckled- "So he really hates me."

- "No! I mean it!"

- "I think that’s a yes"- Gerard said to his brother and nodded.

- "Well… I guess I won’t be watching Criminal Minds anymore."

Matthew could hear Joey laughing from the hallway. She wasn’t alone. There were other voices and some music too. What the fuck was going on? He wasn’t thrilled at all ‘cos he had been calling his girlfriend the whole day and her phone was off. But this was too much for him to handle with a cold head. But he had to breathe and trust her.

- "Hey! What are you doing?"- he opened the door and glared at the Way brothers. Mikey was sitting behind Joey’s electric drum while she held a bass. Gerard was sitting on her couch, laughing. Well, not anymore, at least.

- "Akumu!! How was your day? Did you have fun meeting and greeting people?"- she quickly stood up, almost jumping and running to him, wrapping her arms around him.

- "It was ok…"- she kissed him sweetly and kept smiling- "What are you guys doing?"

- "I invited the guys for lunch, and we just stayed here playing for a while"- she simply answered.

- "I’ve been calling you the whole day, but you didn’t pick up"- Joey raised an eyebrow and looked into her boyfriend’s eyes.

- "Akumu, you’ve got my phone, remember?"- and Matthew Gray Gubler wanted to slap himself. The only thing he could do was be the nicest and sweetest, not jealous boyfriend he could be.

- "Shit!"- and Joey just nodded- "I’m so sorry!"

- "I know, so, wanna join us?"

- "Actually, I think we should go"- Gerard said and stood up- "I’ve got to pick up my wife from an event, “liar, liar pants on fire,” and Mikey has to drive me over"

Gee turned to his brother, and he nodded.

- "Yeah, and we better hurry ‘cos we are late"- he added and grabbed all his things- "I’m taking this"- he said and grabbed the bass he had left in her house- "You better practice."

- "Guys, you don’t have to run out just ‘cos I got here"- Matthew smiled- "We could hang out for a while."

- "I saved you some bandeja paisa"- Joey whispered, and her boyfriend’s smile grew bigger.

- "I love you so much."

- "Yeah, I know, I’m awesome"

- "Thank you, Matthew, but we really have to go"- Gerard shook his hand and smiled- "But Joey said you would come with us to the show in New York."

- "Yeah! I am! I feel like shit, I still can’t get to see my girl in action"- he smiled and wrapped an arm around Joey’s shoulders. She hated when he called her “his girl.” She wasn’t his, or anyone’s, as a matter of fact. That was one of the reasons why she hadn’t have a serious relationship before.

- "We’ll see you there then"- Gerard assured- "We’ll show you Jersey, Joey said she was dying to see where we hid all the mafia corpses"- and the girl chuckled

- "You keep trying to sell it for me, but dude, I’m sold!!"- Gerard laughed at Joey’s words and stared at her in silence for a few seconds until he realized Matthew was there. He didn’t want him to know or even suspect how he felt about his girlfriend.

- "Thank you for everything, guys"- the girl walked them to the door with a warm smile on her face- "You are the best!"

- "Nah"- Mikey hugged her and messed her hair pretty much at the same time- "You’ve been a great little sister. Thank you for coming along!"

- "See you when I come back from Seattle."

- "Yeah, we have to practice!"- the youngest Way shook Matthew’s hand and said goodbye. Gerard did the same, wished them a safe trip, and walked out of the apartment. He and his brother walked in silence until they reached the car.

- "Dude!"- Mikey finally said when he started the car- "That guy hates the shit out of me!"

- "He was going to kill us when he walked in! What the fuck is his problem?"

- "I don’t know!! He has to death jealous"

- "Well, so would I"- Gerard thought out loud and noticed he had to add something in case his brother would think the wrong thing, which would be actually the right thing.

- "I mean, if my girl hung out with four dudes, I barely know and travel the world with them, I would be jealous too."

- "Maybe"- Mikey gave it a little thinking and nodded- "Maybe when they are back, we could invite them out for diner or something, that way he can know us and figure out we don’t wanna bang his girlfriend."

- "Yeah, sure, that would be helpful"- Gerard Way was full of shit.

taglist @all-tings-diego @worryd0ll

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[mychemicalficrecs]

hi, i recently discovered your blog and i think it’s awesome!! i was wondering if you have any MCR fics that take place in the Paramour Mansion (that haunted place they stayed at while recording tbp, ya know?) any ship is fine really :) <3

Sorry for disappearing probably immediately after you found this blog, but I've got some fics for you at least? :'D Also thanks!

Some of these fics deal with heavy topics, please take care <3

The Paramour Mansion

Hour of the Wolf by jetblackmirror, Gen, 2k, Teen and Up. I can't wake up.

In The Walls by thesamefire, Gen, 72k, Teen and Up. When My Chemical Romance move into the Paramour, they get a lot more than they bargained for. All they want to do is write an epic album, but Mikey is falling apart and Gerard isn't sure what to do about it—or about the fact that they're trapped inside the house with no escape from the increasingly strange and terrible things that are happening to them.

Aquae by ourgossiplips, Gen, 1k, General. The Paramour is a living thing. Sometimes, when he’s asleep, Gerard can hear it breathing. In, out, in, out. It’s soft, it’s silent, and he wonders if he’s the only one who can hear it (if he’s going crazy).

Terror by letsrunawaytogether, Frank/Gerard, 2k, General. Gerard has another nightmare during the band's stay at the Paramour Mansion, but when he can't go back to sleep, help comes in the form of Frank Iero.

i only meant to do this to myself. by justlookthroughme, 273 words, Not Rated. Mikey is falling apart. Gerard just wants what's best for his brother. No one realizes Frank is halfway gone.

The Reverent Stillness in Your Throat by kiemitsu, Frank/Gerard, 2k, Not Rated. “I wish,” Gerard started, searching slowly for the right words, “I wish it were that simple for me.” “What?” “Your guitar,” he said, nodding to the guitar as he spoke, “I wish someone could just, I dunno, strum the strings and make me sing.” There was something like shame, like guilt in his confession. It was like he lost his heart to sing watching Mikey disappear behind the door. He hung his head, closing his eyes against the memory. Frank took the guitar from his lap and propped it up against the couch next to him, the pick still in his hand. He lifted Gerard’s chin with his fingers, searching for his eyes through his hair. “I could make you sing,” he said.

Beasts In Repose by Go0se, Gen, 10k, Teen and Up. They'd all heard the mansion was haunted, but the curse came as a surprise.

Famous Last Words by SaskiaK, 21k, Mature. The Paramour Mansion is not for the faint-hearted. Mikey recalls some of events that almost tore him apart

i'll never let them hurt you (i promise) by hidefromeveryone, Frank/Gerard, 2k, Mature. Mikey has left the Paramour Mansion, and the ghost of him is left behind. No one is dealing with it well, especially not Gerard.

Paramour by Merkey666, Mikey/Pete, 8k, Mature. Mikey is forced to leave Paramour due to health issues. Instead of going to rehab or anywhere else that would be a good idea, he goes to someone he hasn't spoken with in years. And yet Pete welcomes him anyway.

Night Terrors by orphan_account, Frank/Gerard, 717 words, Teen and Up. inspired by Sleep

Through It All by demolitioncorpses, Frank/Gerard, 2k, Teen and Up. After having a vivid dream of Frank's death, Frank coaxes Gerard through his panic attack. The two soon discover there may be more truth to specific events in the dream that could reflect reality.

Be With You Tonight by orphan_account, Gerard/Mikey, 906 words, Teen and Up. As long as Mikey has Gerard, everything will be alright.

Mansion Mania by gerardsjuarez, Frank/Gerard, 26k, Not Rated. “I - I saw a woman! In my room!” He panted, “She was staring at this portrait of - of… I think it was of herself! Oh my God, I hope she didn’t possess me.” “Ray, chill out.” Bob came to the defenses. “No! You guys gotta help me get that picture of her outta my room. I think that’s what she was after.” He pointed at the object in question. Gerard leaned forward to look at the portrait. It was a pretty woman with a 20s style haircut, black hair, and bright blue eyes. She wore a dinner dress in a bright shade of red. She appeared to be staring into his soul, the shiver down his back told him. Everyone silently agreed that the painting had to go. It was Bob and Gerard who moved it to a vacant room. He stared at the painting long after Bob left to join the others. On the frame, a date and name were engraved just under the woman. “Emily Richard, 1925.” He read aloud.

cover me in gasoline by folieahdude, Frank/Gerard, 1k, Teen and Up. Art’s been sucking the life out of him. Frank notices it in the purple circles around his eyes and the way his breath hitches every time he finishes another lettering and glues it to the wall. It’s sucking the life out of him and yet— yet, it’s what’s keeping him alive.

The Paramour by HeavenlyMess, Frank/Gerard, 2k, Teen and Up. The band has just arrived to the Paramour Mansion, and they heard the stories... so they try to communicate with the ghosts, and it goes wrong...

[awsugar]

Hey I’m gonna give my two cents to the conversation if it’s okay.

A month or two ago I wouldn’t said NO WAY FRANK IS ALWAYS GONNA PUT OUT ANOTHER ALBUM UNTIL HES 80!!! But recently I have thought a lot about how the reunion tour has been pushed back for so long and he hasn’t put anything new out (except bloodnun of course but I’m talking about frank iero and the… stuff) OR put anything old back into focus, like he could’ve done some sort of live stream or whatever playing the songs from heaven is a place. I DO think that he’s always gonna make music and some of it will show up on our radar in the form of some project here or there (like bloodnun) but most will be under the radar (like producing or writing for/with other musicians). I also think that the MCR tour will be very very difficult for him. Because of the still on going restrictions and because of his injuries and it being just a LONG ass tour with lots of people and big venues and like… not what he has been doing in recent years at all. And then the tour is gonna end and he’ll need to like chill for a bit and I honestly sadly think that he’ll be done with touring for a good while after. He’s been good not touring for well over two years now and making music hidden in his basement and he seems to be good with that so…. Obviously I don’t want that to happen I want a new frank album so bad! But I really think it’s a possibility that the MCR tour will be the last of Frank Iero touring musician :/ it makes me feel truly sad and scared

There’s of course always hope that one day he’ll just have another stomachaches moment and he has all those songs he just wants to put out for people to hear! Or maybe he’ll be so pumped up after the MCR tour that he can’t wait to go back on the road himself! Or maybe Danzig asks him to be in the misfits. Or maybe Gerard pisses him off enough to drop an entire album 3 weeks after the MCR tour … who knows

Sorry this was long and rambling but I’m seriously scared about no more frank music but it might just be the reality

ahhh no i agree like those are my fears as well :( i agree with basically everything you said

of course like you also mentioned, i mean the mcr tour hasn't happened yet. and that experience has numerous potential outcomes wrt frank's future in music. like the truth is we really have no idea how the mcr tour is going to effect his like thoughts and desires as far as solo (non-mcr) projects. but i do think that at present, his plan might be to sort of retire post-mcr. BUT OBVIOUSLY THAT COULD CHANGE. like i hope i'm wrong but if i'm not wrong i hope that maybe the mcr tour changes his outlook idk.

but yea same im just really sad and scared about it :( i mean ive gone over 2 and a half years now since my last frank show. but the thought of never going to another one again??? devastating. i know i should want whats best for him and wish for him to do what makes him happy, and i DO. like if retiring and living out his life with his family is what he wants and is going to make him happiest then thats awesome and i do want that for him. (although i kind of doubt that he could go the rest of his life without going on tour and not feel extremely restless). but yea at the same time like. we will miss him sm....and i cant pretend i wouldn't be like horribly upset about it

[unexpected-readings-of-poetry]

Ao3 Masterlist

Avatar: the Last Airbender

AtLA Masterlist

A separate masterlist post on my AtLA side blog. This list is updated as I upload new works, so I am linking it here rather than having to update and maintain two lists simultaneously

Avengers

Captain (of the football team) Steve Rogers

Tony gets picked on at school, but luckily his boyfriend is there to rescue him (stony)

Colour Me In Love

A side-effect of the Winter Soldier programming leaves Bucky able to see auras. Tony and Steve’s aura’s go pink whenever they look at each other, and for some reason, they both do the same when they look at him. (stuckony)

Doubt

When Tony wakes up to find an extra boyfriend whom he has no memories of, his first instinct is to try to escape whatever weird ass kidnappers have captured him this time. The only problem is, the boyfriend is real, and everyone else backs up the new guy. How does Tony deal with it? And what does his "real" boyfriend have to say about it? (stuckony)

Jealousy

Tony and Bucky flirt constantly, but they don't mean anything by it. Then one day it goes too far... (stony)

Bandom

A Change Of Pace Can Do A Man Some Good [Podfic] - story by wellthisisprettyrisque

Crossover with Avengers

Ryan Ross is the replacement for Pepper Potts because she got knocked up and New York just isn't safe anymore, not for a kid. And after acing the interview, Ryan's put on the job and forced to deal with the worst politicians America has to offer. The only way he gets through it is the amazing coffee joint he has claimed as his own and the cute male barista that smiles way too bright for so early in the morning. Adding Ray Toro's proposal, Frank Iero's relationship problems, Stark's inability to actually talk about all the stupid things in his head about a certain super soldier, he's kinda fucking exhausted.

My own works

All of my original bandom fics are pretty old and most of them are writing that I have outgrown so I won’t be linking them individually, but if you like Fall Out Boy, My Chemical Romance, Panic! at the Disco, All Time Low, Twenty One Pilots and related bands, and if you like soulmate AUs, check out my Ao3 pseud fall_out_eboy

Merlin

Truth or Dare?

Merlin and Arthur’s first kiss

Incy Wincy

Arthur is afraid of spiders

Secrets To Keep

When Uther moves his family into an ancient castle, Arthur finds a boy in the catacombs who seems to have been there for centuries...

Arthur Enchanted [Podfic] - story by platonic_boner

Arthur is cursed to obey Merlin’s orders. Obviously this has very little impact on their lives, since no servant would ever dare give orders to a prince.

Harry Potter

I Wear Your Grandma’s Clothes

After finding out that one of his student's worst fears is another teacher, Remus Lupin confronts Snape.

Distortion [Podfic] - story by DorthyAnn

A magical experiment leaves a copy of Harry’s mind trapped inside a magical mirror. Draco Malfoy has a solution.

Where The Falcons Fly [Podfic] - story by MyNameIsThunder

Draco becomes a healer after the war. Quidditch star Harry Potter shows up at St Mungos much more regularly than he should. At first, Draco thinks it’s just his reckless streak and his post-traumatic death-wish, but is there something more at play? (Note: this podfic is currently not in progress. I may pick it up at a later date but at the moment I have no plans to continue any time soon.)

Dracy Malfoy and the Trans Exclusionary Radical Feminist

Text and audio of an abandoned WIP in which Draco is the chosen one, raised by muggle lesbians, and also transgender. Also everyone else is queer, trans, disabled or a POC because representation is good, actually, and shouldn’t just be added posthumously. The podfic also contains discussion of why I abandoned this story and the fandom.

MDZS/CQL

Wearing Down Every Bone [Podfic] - story by CSHfic and VSfic

After running into Lan Zhan on a night hunt, Wei Wuxian is cursed to live the same day over and over and over.

Original works

Galaxy Brain

Very short sci-fi story in which I use no personal pronouns. Podfic is also available.

[disembodiedapparition]

Limerence

Frank groaned in frustration; he needed a cigarette, like right now, but after a quick glance around the pigsty which he affectionately called his room, Frank reckoned he wouldn't be getting one anytime soon. Not that he was addicted or anything — of course not.

He just... wanted one, yeah.

I mean, Frank could totally quit anytime he wanted, it's just that he didn't want to, not yet at least. He was painfully aware of the consequences of his, um, habit, but he didn't really care. If he lived, he lived. If he died, he died. He'd probably kill himself before the drug betrayed his lungs like that anyway, if we're being honest. The ephemeral bliss was worth it.

Finding anything in his room lately had become nothing less than searching for a needle in a haystack, maybe even harder, Frank thought as he agitatedly glared at the offending piles of dirty laundry and cigarette butts (among others) that littered his bedroom floor.

Despite the mess, Frank set out on mission impossible, desperate for his daily fix of nicotine, his head throbbing as the craving intensified. Goddamn it, why were minors banned from buying their own cigarettes? Frank was finding it increasingly difficult to cope with the limited supply of one pack a week that his friend Bob provided him with in return for Bob's completed English homework sheets - especially considering the fact that Frank pretty much lost everything that wasn't physically attached to him on a keyring, or something.

He huffed, glaring at the vermillion and black artwork he'd pinned up on his wall — not by him, of course. He could barely surpass a 5-year-old's art skills — but by his extremely talented boyfriend, Gerard Way; a college dropout/artist/Frank's number one smoking buddy. Frank's mom didn't really approve of Gee's "negative influence" over her only son, but hey, Frank was almost 18 and technically he could do whatever he wanted.

Right? Frank wasn't stupid, he knew what he was doing.

Speaking of the devil; a distinct thud resonated through his room, a sound he'd come to associate with Gerard - seriously, the kid was incapable of using a doorbell or something, he was always flinging rocks at Frank's poor bedroom window. But then again, Gerard usually showed up at Frank's around two in the morning, and he was sure his mother wouldn't be all that pleased when she blearily opened their honeywood front door to find some punk kid smoking a cigarette waiting for her at that ungodly hour.

Another thud echoed through his room, causing Frank to roll his eyes, and mutter an incomprehensible 'I'm coming!' under his breath. He cracked the rusty window open a notch, to see his favorite 22-year-old, clad in black from head to toe (Frank wasn't even surprised anymore) and his messy black head of hair sprawled across his forehead like he'd just ran a marathon through the jungle or some shit.

"Gerard?" he called, though he could clearly see his face thanks to the dim streetlights stationed at regular points on the street. I mean, what else was he supposed to say?

"Yeah, Frank, it's me. Let me in, it's fucking cold out here," Gerard replied, theatrically shivering as if he'd been standing in the middle of the Antarctic, when in reality Frank was certain the temperature was just around basic autumn weather, but whatever.

"It's two in the fucking morning," he said, but opened his window anyway. Gerard climbed the conveniently placed apple tree in the Ieros' backyard, and rolled his grimy body into Frank's room. He smelled of coffee and... well, freshness, if that made sense, at least in comparison to Frank's stuffy bedroom air (the windows were shut because, though it was fall, it still was pretty chilly). Petrichor was the word, if Frank remembered correctly - Gerard had told him once that it meant the scent of the earth just after it rained, that was the same thing, wasn't it?

Gerard dusted himself off, and tiny flakes of fallen autumn leaves crackled off his lint covered sweatshirt and onto the carpet — great, that would be hell to clean up later - but Frank didn't mind much, because at least Gerard was here, right? The newcomer grinned at Frank, as a breath of smoke from a cigarette that Frank hadn't even noticed puffed out from Gerard's pink lips. Which didn't really help with Frank's attempts to survive without one, considering the fact that his inhalation of the substance subsided his migraine significantly, as if his body were physically encouraging him to just fucking smoke already.

"Gee, please tell me you'll let me have a smoke, I haven't had one all day and I'm just — ugh."

Gerard giggled at Frank's flustered request, and pulled out a pack of Marlboro Red and an edgy looking Nirvana lighter before handing it to Frank, who just breathed out in relief.

"Thank you, I love you, fuck," he exclaimed, desperately igniting one of the poison sticks and bringing it to his lips, and sighing as he let the caliginous vapor flow from his mouth.

"You look beatific," Gerard mellifluously laughed, and Frank laughed too, though he didn't know what the fuck Gerard meant by that — perks of dating a guy who majored in English for 3 years, I guess.

He gazed into Gerard's pelagic eyes, appearing lagoon green in the dim light; another thing he loved about Gerard was how his irises seemed to magically change colors depending on the amount of light flashing into them. I mean, totally rad! Added to the whole vampire-esque vibe Gerard gave off, what with his incredibly pale skin tone and blood-red lips, and even changing eye colors - Frank was dating a superhuman, I swear.

Frank's eyes were just a plain dull brown, unfortunately. He honestly didn't know what Gerard saw in him. Not that he was complaining, it's just that Gerard could literally get any homosexual guy in the tiny town of Edison to go out with him, and why he chose Frank of all people puzzled him. He really was nothing special, anyway.

Gerard smiled at the seventeen-year-old, his tiny teeth visible as he made the facial gesture.

"So, Frankie, what do you want to do today?" he energetically asked, making Frank snort - Gerard was literally an owl, personified, because like, it was two in the morning! And he was acting like it was the start of a brand new sunny day, and that they were a couple of adventurers ready to explore the wilderness or something (or maybe the nicotine was just getting to him, yeah, that was probably it).

"I don't know, I'm just hungry," Frank admitted, and Gerard's face lit up.

"The boardwalk! Frank, tonight's even the firework display — it'll be great," Gerard exclaimed, ebullience literally radiating from him, and the idea filled Frank with delirium; he'd never really been to the boardwalk of New Jersey before, his mom had told him it was dangerous and therefore out of bounds. The thought of going anyway was exhilarating, to be honest, so he nodded vigorously, thrilled to be going out on an actual date with his boyfriend.

Gerard cracked his boyfriend's abused window open, cringing as it slowly creaked into the atmosphere, before quietly sneaking out the same way he'd gotten in, so stealthily that Frank was certain that any passerbys would've mistaken him for some kind of petty burglar trying to steal from some teenage kid who lived in the attic of his house.

Frank tried his best to mimic his furtiveness, not that it was plausible that anyone would try to stop them as such, but just because it felt fucking cool. Yeah, they were that extra.

The raven-haired boy shuffled to his black Cadillac (which was all patched up, nearly falling apart to tell the truth) and strung his seatbelt across his chest as it chafed with the fabric of his black Iron Maiden t-shirt. Frank got in next to him, and holy shit, he loved every scent relating to Gerard ever, and his car was no exception - especially considering it radiated a smell you'd associate with buttered toast, or pancakes, and it was the safest smell honestly. Frank felt at home with him, and so happy, nothing even compared to the enthrallment he felt with his boyfriend. Which was kind of pathetic, I suppose, if you consider those self-help speakers who always tell you to 'never let your happiness be dependent on others!', but who cared?

Ah, the art of self-destruction.

He could literally see the exhausted car quivering as Gerard tried to null it into starting up, which may or may not have involved kicking and a few depreciating syllables, but the secondhand vehicle eventually succumbed to Gerard's harassment and the roar of a badly maintained engine resonated through the air, accompanied by a 'fucking finally!' from its driver.

———————————————————————

Frank immediately knew they had arrived at the carnivalesque seashore area, though his eyes were shut tight from the harsh blows of the cold wind; the redolent aromas of popcorn stands, caramel apples, and pizza engulfed his senses, and the chatter of the hundred or so individuals who'd been reckless enough to show up at this hour met his ears. A soft rhapsody floated through the air in uneven waves through a pair of worn speakers, David Bowie, Frank figured. He'd been around Gerard Way for far too long to be unable to recognize one of the singer's songs even from a mile away.

"We're here!" Gerard stated the obvious, smiling like a child. Frank could definitely see how much Gee loved the boardwalk; he'd even dropped his "cool dude" facade and replaced it with the air of a little kid in a toy store, and Frank would definitely be lying if he said it wasn't like, the most adorable thing ever.

They got out of the ancient ebony car, Gerard not even bothering to lock it; if anyone tried to steal it, they'd cause such a ruckus and take so much time to even get the engine running that they'd barely get out of the parking spot before Gerard would show up, yelling obscenities. Penumbras shadowed Gee's features almost surreptitiously, thanks to the shifty luminance of the electric lamps diffusing into the night sky.

They wandered around the various food stalls, stopping at a liquor store, selling interestingly named margaritas and shots, obviously intriguing Gerard.

"Oh my god, Frank, look, they have a kiwi margarita!" the older boy commented, pointing at a neon green brew of alcohol with effervescence bubbling out of it in a teenager's hand. Frank scrunched his nose.

"That looks radioactive," he remarked, widening his eyes, and the latter just rolled his eyes.

"You are so uncultured," he declared, sticking his nose up slightly in the air. "I'll let you know that that beverage is actually forty dollars, definitely a top-notch drink."

"And unaffordable," Frank retorted, empowered with the knowledge that Gee would probably have enough cash to down like, two shots of that, at the very most, and then he'd meet with a very uncomfortable financial situation. He giggled as his boyfriend flipped him off in response.

An iridescent glowing sign flashed the words 'Pencey's Ice Cream' in big, bold, capital letters, immediately attracting the attention of the younger of the duo. Gerard followed the platinum streaked boy's gaze to the sign, rolling his eyes.

"Ice cream?" he sarcastically proposed, and Frank retaliated by punching him in the arm; not that it hurt, Frank was too tiny to cause much damage to the older boy, but just for the sake of it.

Together they strolled into the parlor, which totally gave off a 90's vibe, which Gerard seemed to like — judging by the way he glanced around in fascination at the vermillion and pearl striped borders, and the mint green and cotton candy pink machinery propped against the walls.

A smiling teen greeted them as the door chime jingled, and Frank noted that her name was Jenna, from her rather smudged name tag.

"Hi, what would you guys like today?" she greeted, as the dark-haired boy smiled at Frank.

"What would you like, princess?" Gerard pressed, evoking a fierce blush.

"Uhmmm, coffee walnut," he stated. "No, cookie dough! And um, chocolate sprinkles, and, uhhh... caramel syrup," he concluded, Gerard trying to contain his laughter.

"You're gonna get fat!" he groaned, however Frank just shrugged and watched eagerly as Jenna compiled his rather complicated ice cream order.

"Fat and happy." he retaliated, sticking his tongue out, while Gerard amusedly snorted at his kindergartener-like behavior. Jenna smiled at them, and let them know that they were undoubtedly the cutest couple she'd ever seen, which definitely did not make Frank blush. No way.

Gerard ordered some kind of fancy-sounding cherry jubilee thing, since Gerard was the most extra guy he'd ever met — classy or go home, right? That was probably Gerard's motto in life, considering the theatrics Frank had to put up with every day. Not that he really minded, though.

They held their ineffably good desserts in hand as they made their way to the wooden planks that loosely hung over the ocean water, sitting down. Their dangling legs were centimeters away from getting drenched in the cold icy seawater, and their faces were constantly being sprayed with splashes of salty, burning droplets of the ocean — yet Frank was okay with it. Honestly, Frank was up for anything as long as he had Gerard next to him; they could fucking skydive into the depths of hell, for all he cared. Or maybe that was too dramatic, he thought, before realizing that if it had been humanly possible Gerard would've done it ages ago.

The fiery pits of hell seemed edgy enough for Gerard's taste.

Gerard turned to Frank, a hesitant smile on his face. His lips opened to say something, before he was interrupted by a heart-stopping explosion that filled the air, startling Frank and causing him to jerk his head up in the direction the explosion seemed to come from.

Sparks of envious greens and deep blues flew through the charcoal sky, leaving smoky gray trails as they cascaded into the ocean. Glowing splinters of reds, oranges, purples and yellows followed next, patterning themselves into symmetrical patterns of light. Their iridescent colors illuminated Gerard's face, Frank noticed as he watched a firework explode in the reflection in his boyfriend's fascinated orbs.

Gerard must have been able to feel Frank's gaze, because moments later, he turned to the tattooed boy, his lips giving way to a smile, painted rather endearingly in the pulsating lights.

"They aren't nearly as resplendent as you are," he whispered, and Frank rolled his eyes, internally of course. Gerard loved using words Frank had never heard before in his life, but for now he decided to assume it meant something nice and ignore it.

He connected his cold lips with Gee's warm, welcoming ones, his heartbeat quickening when the latter's arm wrapped around his small waist, pulling him closer. He still tasted like nicotine and alcohol of some kind, he could feel the bitter taste engulfing his mouth, but it evaporated — everything evaporated — when Gee broke contact and whispered breathily in Frank's left ear.

"I'm in love with you."

[callmeblake]

Frank Iero, New York, NY, June 2019 (X)

Aug 29, 2019, 09:10am

Frank Iero May Just Be His Own Puppet Master

Photo Credit: Audrey Lew

Interview below the cut

Derek Scancarelli

Contributor

Hollywood & Entertainment

I am a music journalist living in New York City.

Frank Iero is breathing deeply and fighting off nausea. This isn’t uncommon for the 37-year-old guitarist and vocalist, given his predilection for debilitating anxiety. But on this occasion, it isn’t pre-show jitters.

“Oh my god, I hate this f*cking boat,” Iero says, as the docked vessel on which he sits knocks against a pier in the Lower East Side of Manhattan. Iero and his band, The Future Violents, just finished an intimate Saturday matinee show as fans sweat, sang and caught a glimpse of the Statue of Liberty.

It had been about 16 years since Iero and his now defunct band, My Chemical Romance (the band broke up in 2013), first performed on water. In July of 2002, the band released its debut album, I Brought You My Bullets, You Brought Me Your Love. In October of 2003, the soon-to-be emo heroes performed alongside New York Hardcore legends Sick Of It All at an aquatic gig booked by New Jersey college radio station WSOU. And in June of 2004, My Chemical Romance released Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge, the band’s platinum-selling breakthrough record. In a matter of two years, Iero’s life changed dramatically.

In 2019, Iero still hasn’t found his sea legs, but a lot more has changed. He’s fathered three children, released three full-length solo records (including 2019’s Barriers), and survived a near-death experience. And as he gets older, he finds truth in life’s greatest clichés.

“Time flies, it just screams by,” Iero says. “You think you’re appreciating the time, but it’s easy to take it for granted. It’s a shame.”

But Iero is trying his hardest to pay attention to the little things, especially when it comes to family. He and his wife, Jamia, have three children together: nine-year-old twin daughters, Cherry and Lily, and a seven-year-old son named Miles.

“It’s wonderful to see them evolve and come into their own,” Iero says. “But it’s funny how personalities are innate. We shape the way they experience things or teach them the ropes, but for the most part, I’ve found that we are who we are when we’re born.”

From the start, Iero has seen an even split in the twins’ personalities. Cherry, he says, most behaves like her mother, whereas Lily possesses her father’s attitude.

“Some of the sh*t I hear coming out of my daughter's mouth,” Iero says laughing. “My God! It’s stuff I think but never say — they don't know to be ashamed yet! It's amazing and honest and pure. And I know exactly where she's coming from because I feel the same way.”

As part of fostering a relationship of trust and honesty, Iero has been age-appropriately transparent with his kids about the 2016 accident that almost killed him, his brother-in-law and guitarist Evan Nestor and his manager Paul Clegg.

While unloading gear from their van in Sydney, Australia, a city bus crashed into the group and their vehicle. In a 2017 interview with MTV, Iero recounted, in vivid detail, the moment he was dragged underneath the bumper of the bus, the screams of his brother-in-law, and the blood pooling from his manager.

Although Iero was able to walk into an ambulance carrying one of his friends, the scene was a spectacle overrun with emergency personnel — they even landed a rescue helicopter in nearby Hyde Park. Despite serious injuries, amazingly, there were no fatalities.

When Iero returned home from the hospital, he explained to his children that he was in a car accident, but that it was a singular freak incident.

“You don't want to lie,” he says. “They're getting older. Their friends and their parents are on the internet. They're asking questions. It does get back to them.”

Iero was as honest as possible, but avoided any gory details. He was also conscious that it wouldn’t be long before he would travel for work again — and he didn’t want to scare his kids any further.

Almost four years later, residual damage from the crash is impossible to ignore. Nestor has nerve damage in his leg that may never be corrected. Clegg’s leg and knee have undergone multiple surgeries, but are in poor shape. And Iero still has a tear in his shoulder that hurts every time he plays the guitar. Despite the pain, he’s afraid to undergo surgery.

“I was lucky enough to walk away and still play,” Iero says. “If I were to test fate again and go under the knife, if something were to go wrong… to let that be taken from me … no, I can't.”

On some days, the emotional toll of surviving such a traumatic accident weighs more heavily. Iero describes his recovery as non-linear: some days he feels collected and in control, other days the memory rushes back into his mind.

After his new band finished recording Barriers, Iero and his team went back to Australia for appointments pertaining to the accident and corresponding litigation. As soon as he exited the plane, Iero felt like he’d returned to the horrific scene. For the following week, he was barraged by an unending state of panic.

“You go through these instances of PTSD,” he says. “You never know what's going to trigger and send you all the way back to the beginning with recovery.”

Iero greatly underestimated how difficult his return to Australia would be. When navigating to a doctor’s office near where the accident occurred, he couldn’t bring himself to walk down the street. And suddenly, he felt surrounded by buses.

“I don't know if this is true,” he says. “But it felt like every other car on the street was one of these f*cking buses. They were everywhere. It was frightening. I couldn't do anything. I was shaking like a leaf.”

Despite the traumatic flashbacks, Iero continues to reflect on that day. In the promotional run for Barriers, he discussed the accident at length. And on the record itself, he addresses the complicated ripple effect it’s had on his entire sense of self.

“I don't think it needs to define me,” Iero says. “But it was something I needed to talk about on this record. It's not something I could sweep under the rug. But do I want to dwell on it every day and relive it? No. But I think about it constantly. I feel the pain constantly. It's on my mind.”

In recent interviews, Iero has tended to frame a few philosophical takeaways from his ordeal. In simple terms, the first idea is that he’s found a new lease on life — that everything happens for a reason and he’s been given an opportunity to seize the day. The second philosophy is much darker, a sort of survivor’s guilt compounded with fear and existential dread. The third and most abstract consideration is closest to Simulation Theory — where Iero has the ability to control his own artificial timeline.

Sometimes, Iero questions if actually died that day. He wonders: Is this all real?

“It’s hard. No one can tell you what to believe,” he says. “But you come to this realization, ‘Well, this is real to me, the hand I was dealt, so I have to make the best of it!’”

Through the acceptance of uncertainty, Iero surmises that he just may be his own puppet master.

“If this is a figment of my imagination,” Iero says. “If this is all in my head, then I am the master of my own destiny. If I want to do something, I can manufacture it. And if it's not the case, then at least it's a self-fulfilling prophecy. Maybe putting positive vibes out into the universe is beneficial. If we didn't make it and we're just going through this weird labyrinth in my mind, I can do anything I want.”

And lately, he’s been doing just that. Call it sorcery or the power of positive thinking, but Iero is motivated. For Barriers, he was able to assemble a dream band, The Future Violents (different lineups of his backing band have previously gone by The Cellabration and The Patience), featuring his brother-in-law Nestor on guitar, Thursday’s Tucker Rule on drums, Murder by Death’s Matt Armstrong on bass, and Kayleigh Goldsworthy on keyboard.

The theme of the album — and his own internal dialogue — mostly relates to tragedy and timing. Did the universe have a course set out for him? Or was he just some random victim?

“The crazy thing is that you didn't do anything wrong,” Iero says of the accident. “Yet, all of this stuff was taken from you and you have to make these decisions. You get angry a lot.”

He continues: “These random, abrupt, violent actions. Do they happen to us? Or for us? I wouldn't have been able to make this record if it didn't happen. And it made me realize a lot of things about myself. Am I happy it happened? No. But I'm happy where I am right now.”

Iero views Barriers as an exercise in vulnerability. If the aftermath of his accident taught him anything, it’s that success was meaningless to his character, but adversity helped him grow. For the first time, addressing childhood trauma helped Iero expose himself in a way that felt freeing.

“When you put something to song, it gives that memory weight,” Iero explains. “If you never talk about it, it's almost like it didn't happen. There's a fine line between relinquishing that power to this memory, situation or trauma, or holding that power over it and creating your own narrative from it.”

Barriers also intertwines Iero’s childhood experiences with his current perspective as a father. This go around, he felt comfortable writing about his parents’ divorce — the couple split when he was three and divorced when he was seven.

He looks back on the unpleasantness of the process and his consequential understanding of his mother’s issues with addiction, depression and mental illness. On his 2016 record, Parachutes, Iero first referenced his mother’s struggles and his own liability to inherit her traits. He’s still horrified by the idea of predeterminism.

“When you're a young kid being surrounded with it, it doesn't feel right,” Iero says. “You're not happy. You're scared. You're constantly concerned for your parent. It’s almost as if you become the caregiver.”

He continues: “Then you see yourself falling into these patterns that you were witness to and maybe in a roundabout way were taught. That addiction, that depression, runs through you. It's easy to fall off that cliff. I don't want that for my kids and I need to stop this cycle. Like this sh*t stops with me. Whether it be I get okay, or I f*cking turn my lights out.”

It’s this sort of tongue-in-cheek use of concerning language that keeps Iero’s fanbase enthralled, yet somewhat on edge. Take for example, in the comment section for his video “Young & Doomed,” some diehard fans are troubled by his repeated use of the words “hurt myself again.” While he’s surprised to hear about the response, he counters that the record is ultimately meant to feel uplifting and positive, even if addressing dark topics.

“I don't think that we should strive for perfection,” Iero says. “This idea that we should all have this perfect life and be pretty and purse our lips to post a picture on social media is bullsh*t. The things that make us unique are important.”

He continues: “Sometimes we're our own worst enemies and we hurt ourselves. Those scars, though, are important. They're beautiful. ‘Young And Doomed’ is a call to arms to celebrate the things people think are wrong with us.”

Now, Iero just hopes his story and music inspire fans to try, fail and try again.

“You don't find out who you are unless you get a scar and get hurt,” Iero says. “You should be hurt, hurt other people, and learn that it feels terrible to hurt someone else. You should feel sorry for it and make amends for it. These are important lessons to be a better person. You find out who you truly are by attacking things that scare you the most.”

Frank Iero is currently touring Europe with Laura Jane Grace & The Devouring Mothers.

[st-percocet]

XØ: A BLOOD SPLATTERED PRESENT FROM THE PAST

In 2007 LeATHERMØUTH formed, ready to create some noise. Originally the hardcore punk band from NJ were to be signed by Frank Iero’s label Skeleton Crew after he heard their demos. Later, Iero replaced the vocalist, joining Rob Hughes and the other original members- who later left in ’08. Iero & Hughes were then joined by Ed Auletta, John ‘Hambone’ McGuire, and James Dewees, signing to Epitaph and getting to work on their album.  Unafraid to speak their minds, they wrote rather macabre lyrics blended with gritty distorted instrumentals, merging them all into a short and sweet 25 minutes of chaos. 

January 27th 2009, LM unleashed their first and only album, XØ. The 11-track record (including the often forgotten bonus track, Myself) tells a grim story of heartbreak, betrayal, guilt, and revenge. With gory imagery of murder, monsters, and misery, Iero didn’t write for listeners with a weak stomach.

Iero has a sickly beautiful way with words, making them incredibly gut-wrenching and hard to shake off. They stick with you. They hit like a bullet to the chest, despite knowing them fluently. Yet through the graphicness, his words are still poetic. Blunt, truthful. LM’s lyrics (and song titles) are gruesome, violent. For sure it isn’t for everyone, and they definitely aren’t used to promote or condone violence. Iero, when asked about his favourite lyric in a 2008 interview with Sound Factor, explained that he is not really proud of what he writes about in LM… Not that he’s going to hide those feelings either. He does it so he doesn’t go crazy. I believe we all have thoughts that we’re not proud of, especially when it comes from a place of hurt, anger, or fear.  Iero spoke about how he could utilise the band to vent about the political and social climate of the time. In one interview he stated he used it to help cope with anxiety and depression, the lyrics reflecting his undiluted emotions, while in another he explained that they’re influenced by 80s horror-movie imagery. 

However, without the gorgeous dissonant instrumentals behind Iero’s vocals, the album just wouldn’t be the same. To others, it may just sound noisy. Careless. Maybe it does, but you have to admit that it fucking WORKS. It splendidly represents a noisy, cluttered headspace. Everything comes together to give this extremely raw, dirty sound. It’s utterly unique. I think there’s something beautiful about both the instrumental content and the engineering of it. From the panning to the overlaying of melodies, to the feedback and noise. It’s like dirty rock n’ roll. You can hear the breaths Iero takes and the strain on his voice- it’s very natural, which I find makes it easier to relate to. LM uses contrasting indistinguishable vocal lines with spoken words, Sprechgesang techniques, and silence. This adds uncertainty, which I find emphasises this overall anxiety-driven, endlessly running feel that urges the songs forward. A few of the songs definitely have an end of the world vibe.  They have a knack at interweaving catchy heavy guitar riffs, dissonant power chords, and tremolo harmonies. LM easily uses a wide register - very low tunings, deep bass tones, grimy fuzzy distortion, with these high Solo-Esque countermelodies and use of octaves - which makes it all the more impressive. Everything feels a tiny bit separate as if it's multiple internal monologues speaking at once, yet it all fits as this sole piece kept together with loud and fast drums. Some drum patterns return from one track to another, unifying the record. They give a strong sense of will power; a refusal to give up. They're a mix of complex heavily syncopated patterns, simpler heartbeat-like rhythms, and slow hesitant hits. It continuously feeds into this apocalyptic panic that looms over the record.

I am truly gutted I have not experienced LeATHERMØUTH live. After discovering XØ in 2013, I firmly believe this will be one of my all-time favourite records.  Whether it's the raw, heartwrenching lyrics or those dirty, distorted instrumentals, something about this record speaks to me. When I first listened I was in a very angry and hurt mindset with no healthy outlet to rid this bitterness and hate. It's an album you can get away with ugly sobbing and screaming along to, you can get away with blasting it until your speakers can't handle it any more. It feels like an utter mindfuck and it is so cathartic to perform...even just alone in a bedroom.  Every single time I stick it on, I am overwhelmed and shaken to my core at how chilling and wondrous the whole experience of listening to XØ is. I am in complete awe that just five people could do this and boil it down to a mere 25 minutes...yet it's a perfect length. 

So here's my response, my imagery, to this beast of a record. I hope you enjoy it and thank you. 

[xocasper]

Sharing Is Caring

Pairing: Frank Iero x Reader x Mikey Way Summary: Mikey is staying with you and Frank for a little while, and your bedroom walls are thin. His are too, though, resulting in a sinful discovery that leads to a night far dirtier than you anticipated. Warnings: NSFW content, potentially ooc lmfao Tags: oral sex, orgasm denial, rough sex, dirty talk, dacryphilia Word Count: 2388 A/N: This is mediocre at best. The ending kinda sucks because I don’t know how to write endings, but the actual fic is fine lol.

When Mikey had asked to move in with you guys, it hadn’t seemed like a big deal. You had been dating Frank for about two years, and you’d been living together for half of it. Mikey had just gone through a messy breakup and his ex-girlfriend kicked him out. He had little time to search for an apartment and no desire to sleep in his car, so he reached out to Frank, who was more than willing to sacrifice his guest bedroom.

Things were a bit awkward at first because he felt out of place, not sure what to do or where to go, all while dealing with being dumped. You tried to tone down the PDA a bit, which Frank struggled with more than you. He had minimal experience with keeping his hands to himself, but even the effort made Mikey warm up a bit.

Over time, he grew more comfortable, finally accepting that he was staying here for a while and that he wasn’t intruding. You were quite fond of him, and you’d always made sure to spend time chatting with him when you’d hang out with the band. He was quiet, but not opposed to talking if you sparked a conversation. Plus, he was attractive, so you really couldn’t see why his girlfriend would leave him.

Mikey thought you were attractive too, and the feeling only grew stronger as days passed. It was all passive, so he figured it couldn’t be that bad. Finding your best friend’s partner hot isn’t totally immoral; it just means they have good taste. He tried not to think too hard about it, pushing away the guilt he felt each time you crossed his mind.

The first time he gave into his intrusive thoughts wasn’t awful. He knew he was doing something wrong, so that had to count for something, right? Besides, he didn’t approach you or anything. He had merely walked into the hall at the same time as you, except you were only in a towel, soft skin wet and exposed, making him flush and head right back to his room. You didn’t think much of it, laughing at his awkwardness and moving on with your day, oblivious to how hard he came that night as he replayed the scene in his head.

After he gave in the first time, the ice was broken. Obviously, he was filled with shame each time it happened, but he couldn’t help himself. You and Frank had talked about being quieter during sex because the walls were incredibly thin and neither of you wanted to make Mikey uncomfortable. It was a good idea in theory, but it didn’t last long–not that Mikey minded. You guys were loud, no matter how hard you tried to suppress it, and sometimes he wondered how your neighbors put up with you. He could hear almost everything from across the hall, muffled moans sounding through the apartment. Oftentimes he’d get himself off on the sound, but when he was too tired, he’d manage to fall asleep to it, awaiting the unfortunate mess he’d have to clean up in the morning.

It was shameful, really. He knew he shouldn’t be doing it, shouldn’t be attracted to you. He felt dirty, but he couldn’t help it. His attraction didn’t run deeper than physical, not wanting to take you from Frank, simply needing a rebound and you happened to be pretty damn enticing. No matter how hard he tried to reason with himself, it only made him feel worse, but at least he was quiet about it, right?

Wrong.

It took one night for the truth to come out. Maybe you had been too quiet that night, or maybe he was too loud. Perhaps the walls had become even thinner somehow, making the smallest noises audible from the other room. Frank had gone down on you, face buried between your thighs while you tugged on his hair, whines and curses floating through the air. You definitely weren’t expecting an echo when you moaned, especially not one from Mikey. It was faint, but loud enough to reach your ears, turning you on more than you would’ve liked.

“Frank, he can hear us,” you choked out, still writhing under him. He stopped for a moment, looking up at you, eyebrows furrowed before he realized what you meant. “I mean it’s kinda hard not to.” Okay, maybe not. “No, he’s—Frank he’s—just listen,” you told him, and he reluctantly inched up to you, leaving light kisses on your thighs before planting himself next to you. Sure enough, he could hear his friend through the wall.

“Alright,” he said, looking completely unfazed. “What do you want to do about it?” You knew Frank was open to almost anything, typically giving you control so he didn’t push you past your limits. You floundered a bit; you could ignore it, or be honest with him. “Could you talk to him about it?”

You traced his tattoos to keep yourself from looking at him. God, this was embarrassing. He knew what you were getting at, but he wanted to hear you say it. “Mhm, what do you want me to say?” He was grinning as he kissed your jaw, clearly having the same thought and being open to it.

“Just—tell him to make himself useful.” He laughed quietly before kissing your lips, pulling his pants back up, and heading off to Mikey’s room. Your stomach churned as you waited, hoping Frank wouldn’t embarrass him, or worse, you. Honestly, how did you even get into this situation?

The next few minutes were excruciating, their conversation sounding jumbled as you pressed your ear to the wall. You distracted yourself by fixing your hair and putting your pants back on, your shirt lost on the floor somewhere.

Silence fell over them at some point, snapping you out of your trance. You supposed that was the end of it and you’d never be able to look Mikey in the eyes again, but they appeared in the doorway a few seconds later. Frank came over first, waving Mikey over, who looked beyond embarrassed. He was blushing profusely, and his erection was obvious through his sweatpants.

“C’mon Mikey, I won’t hurt you,” you said reassuringly, holding out your hand while Frank pulled you into his lap. He still looked lost but took your hand anyway. “I’m not gonna kick your ass, don’t worry,” Frank laughed, head resting on your shoulder. Mikey relaxed slightly, and you smiled up at him. “Do you want to do this?” you asked him, still nervous but not nearly as much as him. “Yeah.”

You pulled Mikey over to you and he stumbled onto the empty half of the bed before being pulled into a kiss, your lips soft and wet against his. He reacted instantly, one hand flat on the bed while the other held your jaw. Frank kept his hands on your chest, stroking the exposed skin and unclasping your bra before you could notice.

Kissing Mikey felt different from kissing Frank, who was more playful, while Mikey held back a bit, still apprehensive. You pulled him closer while Frank kissed down your neck, your tongue slipping past his lips, swallowing his moans as you tasted him.

You pulled away to get a good look at him, admiring his slick lips and how he eyed you up, his hand now resting on your thigh. Frank stopped his work on your neck, turning your head to press his mouth to yours, his hands trading places with Mikey’s. His tongue slid against yours while his hand slipped past your waistband, shifting gently beneath you.

Mikey’s breath was warm on your skin, cupping your breasts as he placed gentle kisses on them. His lips trailed down to one of your nipples, flicking his tongue against it experimentally. You let out a shaky gasp, urging Mikey to continue. Frank pulled away, his nose nuzzling against your neck while his fingers dipped into your panties.

You were already wet from earlier, the throbbing between your legs getting worse as both men touched you. Frank ran his fingers through your folds, smirking as slick covered the pads of his fingers. His fingers rubbed around your clit, intentionally avoiding it as you ground against him. Softly, he pinched the skin, cock jumping as you let out a loud moan.

“You’re still so wet,” he commented, continuing to ghost his fingers over your clit. “How about you ask Mikey to finish what I started?” Mikey looked up at you expectantly, a small grin creeping across his face. He seemed to realize that he had some control, the gears in his head turning as he grew more comfortable. “C’mon, don’t be shy,” he said, caressing your skin as you stared at him, speechless.

“I want you to eat me out,” you said, quiet and embarrassed. Mikey quickly shuffled down the bed, hastily tugging off your pants as Frank drew his hand away. “Such a slut, letting Mikey eat your pussy in front of me,” he said, lips ghosting your neck while Mikey’s tongue swept across your folds. Frank’s hands held your legs apart so he could dive deeper, licking bold stripes along your cunt. “Let him hear you, baby.” Shuddered breath turned into soft moans as Mikey buried himself deeper between your legs, sucking on your clit before thrusting his tongue inside of you.

He groaned when your hand flew to his hair, vibrating against you as you tugged him impossibly close. Every time you rolled your hips, Frank would moan against your skin, head buried in your neck as you ground against him. You felt your abdomen tighten, Frank’s hands sliding up your legs to your breasts, rolling your nipples between his fingers.

“Fuck, Mikey,” you moaned, hands pulling at his hair as he hummed against you. “How’s it feel?” Frank asked, sucking bruises down your neck. You could barely think, much less form words, moaning in a feeble attempt to convey your pleasure. He nipped your skin gently in warning, urging you to speak. “Feels so fucking good.” Mikey glanced up at you, pupils dilated as he held your gaze, repositioning your legs to pull you closer.

“Are you gonna come?” Frank said, voice barely above a whisper. Your soft cries were telling enough, his lips twitching into a smirk at how helpless you sounded. “Come on Mikey’s tongue like the whore you are.”

You came, as ordered, calling out Mikey’s name while he cleaned you up, tasting every inch of your cunt until your muscles went lax. “Listen to yourself, moaning his name in my bed.” Frank beckoned Mikey over, who was already stepping out of his sweatpants. “You’ve got such a pretty mouth; how about you put it to use?”

Mikey flushed at how quickly you nodded, grateful for the dimly-lit room. He watched eagerly as you slid off of Frank, waiting patiently on your knees as he stripped off his jeans. You reached out for Mikey, tugging at the waistband of his boxers. Honestly, he had never been so turned on before.

His eyes were glued to you, watching how slowly you pulled his boxers down, giving him time to back out. He could hear how your breathing stuttered as his dick sprung free, staring at it like a gift from god.

The moment your lips wrapped around him, he lost his composure, moaning without restraint as your tongue swirled around the head of his cock, running flat against him as you took him deeper. Frank didn’t wait long before rejoining, kneeling behind you as he bent you onto all fours.

Gently, Mikey pulled you back to help his friend, cursing as you whined at him. Frank didn’t miss this, grinning as he planted his hands on your hips. “Shit, you want it that bad?” Shamefully, yes, you did. “Answer,” he demanded, slapping your ass. You bit down on your lip to prevent a moan, which would undoubtedly lead to more trouble.

You answered with a small ‘yes,’ but it wasn’t sufficient. “C’mon, tell me what you want us to do.” You looked up at Mikey, then to his dick, and then thought about how Frank was right behind you, ready to fuck you. You could swallow your pride for a couple seconds.

“I want you to fuck me,” you said, and it seemed to be enough for him. He thrust into you, and Mikey stepped forward, splitting your lips again. He held the back of your head, moaning and cursing as you took every inch of him.

Frank snapped his hips against yours at a rough pace, barely giving you time to adjust. Your mind went blank, watching as Mikey threw his head back, lips parted while Frank fucked you stupid.

The same tightness from earlier began again, muscles wound tight and you stared up at Mikey with glossy eyes. “Don’t come until we do,” he told you, thumb brushing against your cheek.

It didn’t take long for him to come, releasing as you moaned around him. He probably could’ve come again after your tongue lolled out, showing proudly that you had swallowed. Where the fuck did Frank find you and where could he get one?

Frank wasn’t as quick, getting close but not close enough. He could tell you were struggling, thrusting harder each time. “Frank, please,” you begged him, but to no avail. “Don’t. Come.” Mikey was kneeling in front of you, pressing kisses on your neck as tears welled in your eyes. “They cry so pretty,” Mikey commented, Frank moaning at his admission.

He came hard shortly after, fucking you full of his cum before giving you permission. You felt your knees grow weak, walls fluttering around him as you came. You were completely spent, falling back against Frank the second he pulled out. Mikey sat at the end of the bed as you caught your breath, looking ready to return to his room but too shy to say anything.

You gave him a tired smile, kissing him on the cheek before laying down again. He stared at Frank, cracking a small smile as well and walking out. The rest of the night was quiet, your mind hazy as you bathed in the afterglow. Reality hadn’t begun to set in, waiting until tomorrow, which would definitely be interesting.

taglist: @lubbockshusband @yachiiko @newgirlinhell @tomoora​ @blackberryblossom @whothefuckisfranklero @griffinfinity​

[nosferatyou]

If I Can Be So Bold: Chapter 4 (Jack White x OC)

Summary: A time line of Lee’s life after a certain event. Chock full of hardships, odd music choices, and the FBI watchlist. Overall an incredibly important chapter.

Word Count: 4k

Warnings: Alcohol abuse, cursing, frank iero

NOTES: Fuck. Its been a while hasnt it? schools a bitch. anyways i thought this was the best way to move the story along. Besides the early days werent really important. well it was, but it was th lead up. Still I think this is pretty damn good. Took me for fuckin ever. I hope you enjoy! 

I think I could’ve saved myself from more heartbreak if I just stopped fucking the man that was slowly breaking me, sparing me from the years of emptiness I just floated through. We could’ve only been friends and ended it at that, but I fell in love with him.

 It took me a year to realize id made the biggest mistake of my life. He was my mistake. I saw all this like I did relish every moment we had together, like every time he kissed me, I felt my chest grow warm. I never had a bad moment with him. When we fucked it was just me and him, which is so incredibly cheesy, but when you’re that intoxicated by the touch of another, its all you can think about. Nothing else existed. Bad breakups, a growing rift in old friends, the unpaid bills sitting on your counter. The truth. It genuinely was witchcraft on his end. I think the songs he wrote when we were together were actually just love spells. 

This went on for a year. I waited for him and meg when they went to the meeting that landed them their first studio album. Hell, I even taught him slide and played on their track “Suzy Lee.” Looking back at that moment always makes me laugh, the irony of it all, how I shielded myself from any truths. I think I realized I loved him when I opened my apartment door to see him with freshly cut hair. The sides shaved, the red just as wild as always but dyed a firetruck red. To this day, its the worst haircut I’ve ever seen someone get, and that day I died with laughter. He was always so confident in his looks, but that day he was in a panic. I had to console him and try to convince him it wasn’t that bad. 

“Rosie, it looks like someone glued fake fur to the top of my head.” 

The both of us sat cross-legged across from each other on the bed, trying to assess the damage. He couldn’t stop fidgeting. Fixing any loose hairs, which was the entirety of his hair. I scooted forward and played with it, trying to find any feasible angles.

“Jacky, it’s not that bad, it looks quite handsome from this angle.” I pretended to style it. There was no fixing it, but I could boost his ego to last until it grew back. 

He grabbed the hand mirror sitting next to him and tried every angle. Worry had found its way into 

every part of his face. 

“Mmm well, I guess it’s not as bad as I thought,” He couldn’t stop touching it. “Thanks, Rosie.” He smiled at me the same way he always did, lips pulled tight, making his face scrunch up with those warm eyes. 

I still looked at him and saw the most handsome man, even with that ridiculous haircut.

It never took much to convince him of something or to do something for that matter. If you put any liquid in his hand he’d drink it, I think I watched him drink hand sanitizer on a dare made by Ben. I never convinced him to go on a date with me, though. We always spent our time alone together, holed up in my room. Though back then, I always considered our late-night solo show adventures a good filler. He never noticed how happy they made me. That should’ve been a red flag, but they always just look like flags in rose-colored glasses. I seemed to be an expert at collecting red flags. I convinced myself for years that my time with my ex back in Nashville was normal.

Harriet pulled my head out of ass, though, and brought me here. To more red flags. It’s funny how completely opposite the two of them are. Jack and John (John and John if you want to get technical). John, at first, took me everywhere. He knew everyone and could get in anywhere. He showed me off and always made it clear who he was with. Once he had me fully wrapped around his finger, and we were living together, it switched. I wasn’t allowed to go out, not without his permission. I couldn’t talk to anyone except my bandmates, that was limited too. He held my playing shows above my head. If I was “good,” I could play under his supervision. I mean, he managed our band, he always knew our every move. It’s easy to misconstrue love, confuse what possession is. I was his pet, his thing to show off and shove in a closet until he needed me again. It took years to notice that it wasn’t okay.

 The beginning is always just so intoxicating.  

Jack just had this air to him, that same confidence as john. He knew he was talented and certainly knew he was good looking. The difference is Jack is humble. He could barely take a complaint from me, and as he grew, he didn’t know how to handle the attention. He didn’t lavish in it as John had, as short-lived as his attention was. Jack and I hid away, our confessions of our true feelings hiding on lyric sheets feet away from the other. That made my want stronger, I never felt I could have him, but we were so close it almost felt like I could have him. Its that moment, though, when you stare at each other with such love and warmth, faces growing so close you could feel their body heat. Your so close you can almost taste it, and that’s the moment he leaves. We didn’t cuddle. We weren’t affectionate. It was his choice. He left after tender moments, he left before breakfast, and he left before we finished the last verse of our song. We never were anything, and we never got anywhere. Me being me, it never was a thought in my mind. My judgment was clouded every time he looked at me with those eyes that pulled me in the first time. 

While we grew closer, nothing ever changed, he came over, we fucked, and then wrote together. Sharing the same Camel pack every time. I never thought he shared my feelings for him. He never showed it. He was as open as he was closed. He only let you see what he wanted. That was until me, and the girls were all hanging around during a White Stripes practice. Which was quite common. We all watched each other play, testers for anything new that we cooked up. Meg was weirdly good at knowing what riffs people would like. She always was smarter than any of us would ever be. 

That day Jack introduced a new song. It wasn’t entirely new to me. I taught him the parts, I always played the solos. He never quite got it back then. I was overjoyed to finally hear it. None of the girls were too focused on them. They always got stupid high. Jack and Meg’s landlord didn’t quite care if they smoked, not that ever did, though. It was a slower song, and a lot of work was put into it. Knowing him, the lyrics always had just as much care. 

He refused to meet my eyes. He didn’t look at me once. His eyes quickly flipping between the wall behind me and his guitar. It was very, obviously intentional. He was a storyteller, he always did it so carefully in songs, hiding the message. This seemed incredibly open. Too obvious. He was hesitant. It wasn’t until the “Chorus” (it could barely be called a chorus) that he started to get a bit more confident. It was apparent he had a lot to say.

Miss Suzy lee

The one I'm speaking of

The question is

Is she the one I love?

Is she the one I love?

That made my ears perk up, my eyes locked onto the floor. Why was I afraid to look at him?

Maybe I was thinking about it too much. My hope tends to get the best of me. Still, this pit in my stomach was growing with each note he played. 

She sent me flowers

The name of an incredibly sappy song I showed him

With her tears burned inside

Again it was embarrassingly open

And you know what I'd do?

I would run and hide.

I would run and hide.

 Fuck. I think my imagination and reality were clashing. I might actually have finally snapped and lost it. 

And the paper

On it was my name

Okay, I definitely did hide the unofficial nickname I made for him. I didn't use it often. I called him “Tree” when I was annoyed with him.

With the question

Do you feel the same?

Do you feel the same?

I knew. I knew he didn’t notice my intentions that day, though he should’ve won an oscar for his acting. He pretended like he didn’t notice. 

I think I’m going to legitimately throw up on their ratty couch. I’m going to throw up, and it’s his fault. Jesus, I’m overreacting to a song that’s probably not about me. Fuck I need this to be over so I can breathe. Maybe look up from this thrifted carpet. 

Again his words make my head snap up. This time I met his eyes. 

To end this tale

The one I'm speaking of

I wish I had an answer, but I just don't know

Is this really love?

I left the room as fast as possible after he said love. I didn’t think I could stomach it. Fuck. Shit. Jesus Christ, retribution may be in my future. 

Everything changed after that. I couldn’t look at him, I avoided him, the hope would kill me. It was killing me. I’ve always gotten too excited over people, too attached, and whenever this moment came, I spiraled. I had longed for his love for so long, and the idea of getting it overwhelmed me, being around him overwhelmed me. I avoided him, said I was busy every time he asked to hang out. I didn’t even bother to hide that I was making excuses. It took him a week to stop taking my bullshit. Jack was incredibly blunt. He wasn’t one to beat around the bush. One night he knocked on our door, and someone other than me answered, and they sent him my way. I didn’t tell the girls my feelings. I was too afraid to say it out loud. I didn’t want to be in love again. I loathed it. I wanted to be the person who could be fuck buddies and be fine with it, but I fall too hard. Every fucking time. It’s inescapable. 

My dad always said I loved harder than others and should hold onto it, but it only hurt me. 

That night fucked everything up. He didn’t look at me. If he did, it wasn’t for long. For the first time, he looked cowardly. He stormed into my room. I could hear his very distinguishable and heavy footsteps coming up the stairs. My heart pounded into my throat with every footstep. He didn’t knock. He always knocked. His hair had grown out, it lost its curl, but it hung in his face just as it always did. He didn’t look smug. He didn’t have his bubble of confidence. He was meek. He was small. I remember his hands flying to his pockets. He did that when he was nervous. 

As I said before, he doesn’t beat around the bush. I wish he did that day. Spared my heartbreak for a few minutes. 

“Lee, I can’t love you.”

Those fucking words. They rang through my mind for years. Every time I saw him in the news, saw his face in magazines in passing at grocery stores. It felt like id been ripped in half, I was speechless, I physically could not form words. That feeling happened every once in a while when I reminded. Overtime I numbed to it. 

`He was married. Can you believe that? I was the mistress and with my best friend’s husband. The moment he pulled his hand out to scratch his face, I saw it. The wedding band that was never there before. I think he wore to mess with me, one last laugh. He knew this would be the end of us ever seeing each other, working together. 

He said he kept it off during shows for the brother-sister act, and just took it off before seeing me. Jack was never a coward, but it took him a year to tell him he was married. I hung out with them daily, I watched their dog when they toured, and I never noticed once. He was fucking married. The real kicker is that the girls knew too and didn’t tell me earlier. They let me live on with my sins. I felt so dirty. He just kept talking that day. He didn’t stop. Nervously rambled on, and he never did that. He was quiet. He opened his mouth to say something that’ll either make you cry laughing or make your heart swell. He was whip-smart and knew when to speak. I just let him go until he ran out of steam, tears quietly slipping down my cheeks. Still, stone-faced. The moment he stopped, I just silently showed him out and softly shut the door behind him. 

That night, I about committed arson, okay I didn’t, but I sure wanted to. At first, I cried. And cried,… and cried. It was a mess. Soon that turned to me having a small existential crisis and dumping everything on the cashier at the liquor store who definitely knew the others, and was incredibly uncomfortable. We went there a lot. As soon as the alcohol had been bought, it was gone. I spent the night binge drinking and wrecking everything in my room. I ripped up my journals for songs, I set a small fire to my sketches of him, and I very furiously tried to wash the smell of him out of my sheets. I also punched a hole in my wall, which I kept a secret until the girls moved out. The next day I switched to Marlboros, the smell of camels gives me that same gut punch. It was his brand. 

I said some not great things to the girls. I blamed them for my downfall for not telling me. I made them my excuse. I shortly left the band. We had tried to do a show, but I was so drunk I couldn’t remember most of the songs. I was also told I was lost my pants at some point.

 I moved out of the house and lost all ties to them. I cut all ties to jack. I couldn’t go home, though. I burned too many bridges with my family and friends, a bad habit I seemed to have. I still played shows.

The good thing to come out of my rage and fall into substance abuse was my music. I went through some phases. I was playing my standard stuff for a while, just with a bit more... Anger? Then some months later, in ‘99, the stripe’s first album came out. Of course, I fucking bought it. I kept all their records. I couldn’t let go for some reason. I listened to it on repeat. I was so outraged that it was good. I heard myself in their songs, saw my name in the liner notes, I heard myself in his lyrics. I was obsessed; it was great. For two years, I fought and scratched to get some kind of record deal. I got a two-album deal. I toured nonstop, played with some damn good musicians, though I never was happy.   

I lived a life of driving and playing. Most of the time, I had no fucking clue what state I was in. In New Jersey around 2003, I’d made some friends and played with them for a bit, fucking around in their basement. I lived there for a bit. I couldn’t stomach Detroit. I stayed consistently drunk from that night in ‘98 until 2004 when I received a friend’s call, showing me where I was headed.

 We talked through it, and both decided to get sober. We both were sick. They sparked something musical in me, though. I started to get heavier, I played punk, I put my aggression entirely into my music. I produced my own stuff then, scraping what I could together. I made that record and went back to Detroit. As painful as it was, I couldn’t go back to Nashville, so I was stuck here. I mostly just fucked around, still living pretty much like a hermit, making music in my basement. When the Elephant came out, I couldn’t avoid hearing The White Stripes. They were an international success. I still collected all their records and listened to them extensively. As time went on, my existence in his lyrics disappeared. As for him, it did for me, I’d given up. It was dumb to be upset over it all these years later, still, thinking of him hurt so much. I was restless. I was bored. I wanted to be back out on the road again. 

 While I was usually blackout drunk every day, I still loved it. Playing something new somewhere new every day. That’s when my friend frank from my New Jersey days called me up in ‘07 to join his new band. I think he was just as fed up and restless as I was. We played “hardcore punk.” though that's debatable. We were sick of shit and needed to yell about it. It was my last hurrah with my inner turmoil. We finished the album and got onto the FBI watchlist for a political song. 

I looked down at my phone to see I was getting a call from “Party Dad.” I knew what this is about. 

“Did- did they show up at your door too?” 

“Frank, you know they did.”

“Dude was fucking on the FBI’s list!” He was just as excited as I was.

“Hell fucking yeah, we are! You know we were still playing the song.”

“Oh, you know it. We will find a way around what they said. Plus fuck the government, that’s the whole point.”

“Two 30 something-year-olds on the FBI watchlist for a fucking song. This day could not get better.”

See here for the song

And toured. We toured for a while. Our last tour date was actually on my birthday in ‘08. In Nashville, no less. I didn’t tell my family, and surely didn’t expect them to be there. I never saw them, but I did see a familiar face. A significantly grown-up Ben Blackwell front and center. It caught me by surprise, that’s for sure, I slipped up a note or two upon seeing him. Though when we met up after, I was surprised how cool I stayed. I hadn’t seen anyone from my past in the years since. Ben has always been the sweet kid. I could never be mad. After that, we always stayed in touch, and whenever one of us was in Detroit or Nashville, we always met up. We recorded a couple tracks too. He’s always been a hell of a drummer. 

The band didn’t live long because of the others projects, but I always worked with Frankie when he asked. I even played drums for most of his last album. I got a call while trying to make a drumline for one of the tracks. It was my mom. I hadn’t spoken to her in 14 years. The last time we talked, we’d gotten into the screaming match to end all screaming matches over my focus and direction in life. She didn’t want me to move, she didn’t want me to pursue music, and she didn’t want me to leave John. She always worried I’d die an old maid. I hadn’t dated since Jack, so I can see her concern now. 

She dropped the bomb that my dad was sick. Of course, he was sick of all people. He was the most important man in my life. I hated being away from him. I could never bear to see him, and it turns out I’ve been wasting my time with him. All the tour stops, and I hadn’t seen him once. Guilt filled me. I felt the weight of it all. I felt the same tearing feeling, the same gut punch. I told frank everything, and him being him, he sent me off as quickly as possible to be with my family. 

My mom didn’t mention the fight. She just hugged me and sent me to my dad’s room. She couldn’t look at me, though.

 The moment I entered the house, I could hear Willie Nelson, a Red-headed stranger. It was always his favorite. My dad never showed his pain. He wanted to show us strength. It was heartbreaking to see him now in this state. I pushed it down. We talked for hours, and I told him everything, good and bad. He was always understanding. He knew my mind and reasoning better than I do. 

When Ben invited me to a Third Man event, I hesitated. We see each other frequently now that I’m back in town for who knows how long. He always invites me shows and record release parties. I always declined, even though my feelings have changed, I still can’t see jack. 

This time though, he said jack wouldn’t be there, something about his kids. Which took me by surprise, yet didn’t surprise me at all. So I agreed. To  my dislike. I love ben, but the thought of being in Jack’s business nauseates me.

 I watched the show from behind in the control room. Even though id heard it a million times, Ben did not hesitate to talk me through the live recording process. I was half paying attention, aimlessly looking at the crowd.

 Then I heard that laugh, the same from all those years ago. 

My heart leapt, panic-filled. I about pushed Ben over trying to get his attention. The footsteps. The heavy thuds came down the polished hallway. I nearly tore ben apart, trying to ask him if there was a bathroom.

 I was waiting for my breath. There were two entrances. Both blocked. I could either join the band on stage or run straight into the man I’m trying so hard to avoid. Ben looked so frazzled, trying to calm me down. I felt a shiver run through me, and I suddenly stopped. I was frozen, looking at the hallway. 

The bustle stopped, the footsteps stopped, all the people around him stopped in confusion. I locked eyes with him the moment he entered the room. No one dared move. Ben looked terrified next to, and the men around jack were whispering to themselves, trying to figure out what the hell was going on. Then he spoke, almost like he didn’t believe I was in front of him.

“Rosie?”

[xxfanfiction-emo-trinityxx]

Lie or Dare - Frank Iero x Reader

Request: Hey! On your imagine book can you write a frank imagine? But the reader is drunk and accidently tells frank they like him?!?! Warnings: alcohol, angst, fluff Word count: 2 781

“Come to this party, Frank. It will be fun, Frank. I promise, Frank,” Frank mumbled to himself in annoyance as he stood in the corner of a living room whose owner he did not even know.

He always felt misplaced at these college parties, and he was only here because of your big, beautiful, pleading eyes. You had mentioned over the last few weeks how much you would like a party to take the edge of, with all the stress you had, so Frank knew you would jump at the first opportunity you would get, and he felt obliged to go with you.

He looked around the room, his eyes gliding over all the people, intelligent, educated, well-manned people. Not people like him, at least not in sight. No punks, no musicians, no one who spend their early twenties driving around the country in an old, beaten up van, getting stopped by the police regularly because they thought ‘my chemical romance’ was some code for drugs, instead of a band name. It was not like Frank was ashamed of his life, of what he was doing. He was in no way inferior to these people around here, who spend their days in libraries and lectures, learning math and geology and physics and literature and what not. But he had a feeling that they thought they were superior. And he knew that every single one of them would have a better shot at you than him, and that was what made him feel sick.

Finally he found you, sitting on the floor in a circle with several other people, some of which he thought to recognize.

“Frankie,” you exclaimed happily, your heart beating faster, and your focus immediately shifted away from the action in the room to the young man in with the fauxhawk in front of you, “do you wanna play along?”

Before Frank even had a chance to ask what you were playing, several hands, all belonging to people he had never seen before, reached for him and pulled him down to the floor so he sat next to you, so close in fact, that his shoulder was tightly pressed against yours. But you did not seem to mind. With a second look at you he also figured out why. You were drunk. Your eyes were glassy, your cheeks tinted pink, and your gaze almost absent, at least for a moment, before a sporty looking guy at the other end of the circle declared “Time for the new guy! Truth or Dare?”

Well, shit.

“Ahm… Truth.”

Frank usually loved to take a risk, but not in front of a dozen people who he did not know and did not trust, especially not when it came to your safety. You were not the kind of person to get this drunk, so he assumed this game had to have something to do with it.

“Boring,” the guy groaned, but thought for a question anyway. “What do you do? You don’t go to college, right?”

Frank hesitated for a moment. Should he tell the truth, or rather the old I-work-at-a-supermarket-story. But these people already thought they were better than him, so he decided to brag a little.

“No, I don’t,” he answered, shooting a quick glance over at you, “I’m playing guitar in this band called My Chemical Romance and-“

“He’s gonna be famous one day, I mean, he already is,” you jumped in, wrapping your arm around Frank’s shoulder proudly, and giggled.

A grin spread over Frank’s face at your words, so he simply shrugged and nodded, before he reached for the empty wine bottle in the middle of the circle, and spun it.

It did not take Frank long to find out the reason for your drunken state. Basically every single dare was to take a shot. The only exception was a muscular guy who looked like he was a footballer or something, who was dared to take off his shirt by a squealing girl who was quicker to shout that, than the rest of the group to request a shot.

You in the meantime felt dizzy. Your head was feather-light but also incredibly heavy, and you had to resist the temptation of resting it on Frank’s shoulder. He looked so good tonight, with his crazy hair, and his lip ring, and the nose piercing, and the skeleton gloves he was wearing.

“(Y/n), truth or dare,” someone shouted across the room.

You jumped out of your thoughts, and realized the bottle was pointing at you. You were about to answer ‘dare’, fearing to reveal some secret if they asked you something, but Frank leant over to you.

“You’ve had enough, you should take truth,” he whispered, and you nodded.

Not even thinking about what he had told you, and why you had originally decided against it, you answered “Truth”.

There was some mumbling for a moment within the group until someone had come up with a good question.

“Are you in love with Frank?”

Somewhere in the back of your brain your consciousness scrambled to its feet. You felt Frank tensing at your side, and a voice in your head screamed about how he would hate you until the end of time if you told the truth, that yes, in reality you did like him. Admittedly this game was called TRUTH or dare, not “Decide if you want to tell the truth, and if not, lie and dare”, but nobody would know if you lied, and it would safe your friendship with Frank.

“Nah,” you shook your head, chuckling slightly, hoping it would be convincing, “we’re just friends, right Frankie?”

Playfully you nudged Frank’s shoulder, but something about his reaction seemed off. You felt it in the way how his shoulder did not give way to the soft push, instead it felt more like running into a door frame. He was not looking at you, his eyes cast across the room, staring into the distance, his jaw tense. Something was wrong. Majorly wrong. You felt your heartrate pick up, quicker and harder than was comfortable, and it felt as if your heart was beating right in the back of your throat, every single heartbeat causing your face to feel like it was pulsating with blood, but instead of blushing you felt yourself growing pale.

The rest of the group seemed not to notice; they just sighed in disappointment, and spun the bottle again, immediately daring the next victim to do a shot.

“Frank,” you asked carefully, nudging his shoulder again, gentler this time, hoping to make him look at you, but instead he got up wordlessly.

Panic started rising in your chest as you watched him unfold his legs, and stand up from the floor, turning his back to the group, and starting to walk away. You jumped up, intending to run after him, but the sudden movement caused your equilibrium to finally get affected by the alcohol, and you almost fell, in the attempt to run after Frank.

Slower is quicker, you told yourself, trying to ignore the spinning room around you, and the panicked breathing. Slowly, placing one foot in front of the other consciously, you made your way through the room, trying to find Frank, but he was nowhere in sight. Where could he have gone? Following an instinct you walked towards the hallway, and outside, into the front yard. And sure enough, walking down the pavement, away from the house, you spotted a figure who matched Frank’s appearance.

“Frank!”

You did not care about the looks that were thrown your way, when you shouted for him, instead you felt panic rising as he sped up his steps. Feeling terribly dizzy, but determined to figure out what the problem was, you started jogging after him.

“Frank, wait! Where are you going?”

You had almost reached him, only six feet separating you from him, and you were ready to stretch out your arm to take hold of his shirt, when he spun around, making you stumble to an immediate stop. Never before had you seen an expression that scared you as much as the one on Frank’s face in that moment. It was not necessarily the anger that glimmered in his eyes, which made you flinch, but far more the pain, the disappointment, but also a hint of apology. His face was drained of all colour, except a fine line around his eyelids, that had turned red, as if he was about to cry. His lips were quivering, in held back anger, or suppressed tears, you weren’t sure. His teeth were clenched together, and his hands tensed into fists.

“What!”

You had heard Frank scream on stage, had heard him swear like a sailor in a volume that should be forbidden, but nothing had ever made you feel as small as that single word he shouted at you now.

“What’s wrong, why’d you go?”

He stared at you, fire of anger glimmering behind his eyes.

“Why should I stay, isn’t like I’m welcome there anyway,” he hissed.

“But-“

You did not know how to phrase the questions in your mind without risking to have him run away. Was this about the truth question you had been asked? You wanted him there; there was no use in going to a party if it wasn’t with him. So instead of finishing your question, you let it hang in the air between the two of you, watching how the anger in his eyes slowly died down, and instead got replaced with sadness.

“I hate this party, they all think I’m not worthy or their company because they go to college and I don’t,” he mumbled, his eyes slowly looking away from yours. “And I’m almost tempted to believe them sometimes, you know?”

“Frank-“

Your heart broke at his words. Of course he was not worth any less than the bunch of students in there. In your eyes he was worth more than all of them together. That thought triggered a realization in your mind.

“It’s fine, let’s just admit that maybe we’re destined to go different ways in life, you go to college, and I go on tour,” he sighed, blinking several times, making you suspect that he was trying to blink away tears.

“This isn’t about college or not, is it? It’s never bothered you before,” you remembered, finally daring to take a few steps towards Frank, now that his hands started relaxing, and his angry posture fell into a defeated one. “It’s about that truth or dare question.”

The lack of reaction from his side was proof enough that it really was about this. The way he was standing in front of you now, shoulders hanging down, eyes cast to the floor, arms dangling weakly at his sides, an eternal sadness on his beautiful face, was heartbreaking. He looked like he was waiting for the final blow, like the prisoner who has accepted that he was being executed, like he had given up the fight, and was waiting for you to finish him off with a dagger to the heart.

“It’s okay, I mean, I know you deserve so much better than a dirty punk who only spends his time hanging out with his friends in an old van, you deserve so much more than me,” he whispered, his words causing you pain and fury at the same time.

You wanted to punch him for thinking so lowly about himself, but for that would be enough time later.

“If it’s any consolation,” you whispered back, slowly stepping even closer to him, so close that you were able to spy into his eyes that were still cast on the floor by his feet, “I was lying.”

It took Frank a moment to process your words. When he did, his eyes flickered up, staring into yours, and he lifted his head slowly.

“What,” he asked weakly, and more than before he looked close to a breakdown.

“I lied, when I said I wasn’t in love with you, I lied,” you explained, watching how his eyes were searching for the ‘but’ in yours, only to come up empty.

Suddenly you felt dizzy again, your head was pounding in rhythm with your heartbeat, and your knees felt week as you realized that you just had done what you had tried to avoid earlier. Maybe you just had ruined your friendship, maybe you had just screwed up majorly, or maybe-

There was no time for you to finish the thought, because you got interrupted by Frank, who had leapt forwards, grabbing your face into his rough hands, and pulling you against him, crashing his lips into yours desperately. It took you a second to respond, to wrap your own arms around him, one around his back, and one around his neck, burying your fingers into his soft curls, while his hands were holding tightly onto your face. You could feel the tips of his fingers move over the delicate skin of your cheeks, never loosening the grip, instead carefully exploring what he could reach. Underneath the hand on his back you felt him shiver, and goose bumps rose on his neck, as you gently tucked on his short hair.

In no time he was breathing heavily, and had to pull away, to catch his breath. His cheeks had gained back their colour, and his lips were slightly parted as he sucked in breath after breath, his eyes never leaving your face which he was still holding.

You too were out of breath, your fingers tightly curled into the hair in his neck, holding him close, pleading him silently not to pull away too far.

Neither of you had re-caught your breath when Frank could not stand the tension anymore, and leant back in, his lips ever so slightly quivering against yours. While the first kiss had felt like he was trying to catch you, so you were not running away, the second kiss felt like he tried to convince you to stay. Not that he had much convincing to do, but anyway. He wrapped his arms around you, one hand landing on the small of your back, pulling you into him, the other mirroring your gesture, and wrapping into the hair in your neck, holding you in place while he kissed you with more desperation than you had believed one person was able to feel, but here he was, carefully, gently, testing, pleadingly moving his lips against yours, while his breath blew hot over your skin in irregular patterns.

Somewhere in between you had closed your eyes when Frank had leant in again, but when he was still kissing you, so sweetly, you could not help but flicker them open for a second. You had never pictured seeing somebody from so close up. His skin was impossibly smooth, and this dark lashes fluttered against his cheeks. Even though you had spent the last minutes trying to catch up with what was happening, that you were really kissing Frank, that he really was returning your feelings for him, sudden realization washed (once again) over you, causing your blood pressure to drop suddenly, making black spots appear in your vision, and your knees giving in.

Breaking the kiss by stumbling slightly, you quickly steadied yourself, Frank’s arms around you playing a big part in stopping your way to the ground.

He was holding you close to his chest, allowing you to feel the deep rumble that originated in his lungs and escaped his mouth as an amused chuckle.

“You’re wasted,” he giggled, helping you stand up straight again.

“Overwhelmed,” you corrected, but at a glance to his shit eating grin, and his raised eyebrows you added, “and tipsy.”

“If you say so,” he winked.

“I insist,” you nodded, making both of you laugh.

“Do you also insist on going back inside,” Frank asked, his eyes getting lost in yours.

“Not really,” you admitted, earning an agreeing nod from him, “I’d rather find some sort of sofa where I can fall asleep.”

Frank laughed quietly, letting go of you, and immediately wrapping an arm around your shoulder so you were both facing into the same direction.

“Only if I’m allowed to fall asleep next to you,” he spoke seriously, guiding you down the street slowly, into the direction towards your flat.

“In my mind I was actually cuddled into you, maybe I should mention that,” you added, glancing at Frank to see his lips pull into a wide, happy smile.

“Sounds perfect,” he agreed, turning his head to kiss you on your hair.

You shivered comfortably, and leant your head against his shoulder, allowing Frank to guide homewards.

[babymetaldoll]

Danger Days - Chapter seventeen: “Falling into pieces”

Word count: 7,8K

Summary: Joey talks with Matthew for the first time ever since breaking up. Gerard opens up with Mikey about his true feelings for Joey.

Warnings: Cursing, angst, mention of sexual assault.

A/N: Do you think Matthew is gonna be excited to be a dad?

Masterlist

Chapter one | Chapter two | Chapter three | Chapter four | Chapter five | Chapter six | Chapter seven | Chapter eight | Chapter nine | Chapter ten | Chapter eleven | Chapter twelve | Chapter thirteen | Chapter fourteen | Chapter fifteen | Chapter sixteen | Chapter seventeen | Chapter eighteen | Chapter nineteen | Chapter twenty | Chapter twenty one | Chapter twenty-two | Chapter twenty-three | Chapter twenty-four |

--

Matthew kept asking his mom what time it was. He had been doing the same ever since he woke up around ten in the morning. He was anxious. His whole body hurt; he was suffering from several wounds, but still, what hurt him the most was not being able to talk to his girl.

- "Hey"- Paget whispered as she walked into the room with two cups of coffee- "Hello Marilyn, I brought you this."

- "Thank you, honey"- the two women hugged for a second, then the actress walked to her friend.

- "How do you feel?"

- "Like I was in a car crash, literally"- he answered and smiled- "I'm ok. My knee is still in place, which is amazing. I thought I was going to return to the crutches for another six months."

- "You are very lucky, your car is smashed... I can't believe you don't have a scratch."

- "I have many, many bruises, doesn't that count?"- Matthew whispered, still in pain.

- "I think it does"- his friend joked- "I got you these"- Paget opened a bag and put on the bed all the stuffed animals the young man had made- "I took all the stuff from your car, I had the feeling you might need these."

- "Thank you"- he softly smiled and looked at the handmade toys.

- "Everybody says hi"- Paget tried to take Matthew away from any sad thoughts he had- "Do you know when you will be discharged?"

- "No, the doctor said a couple more days."

- "Again, a car crash."

- "Yeah..."- Matthew smiled at his friend, and she smiled back- "Thank you for being here."

- "That's what friends do... hey, can I get you something to eat?"

- "I'm ok."

- "I'm not coming until tomorrow, so I'm gonna go get you some candy for later"- Paget turned around and left the room for a few minutes.

- "What time is it, mom?"

- "It's noon, baby"- she answered and walked to him, kissing his forehead- "Try to sleep a little more, I'll wake you up when she calls, ok?"- he nodded and closed his eyes. He really couldn't wait anymore.

Gerard looked at Joey warming up at the other side of the room, her eyes closed, her headphones on. He sighed, thinking she wasn't in love with him. She had never been. Not like he was, at least. She wasn't going to be his. Not without a fight. Could he win a battle against Matthew? He was a cheater, but Gerard was married. That made him a cheater too.

- "Hey!"- Mikey's hand smacking his arm took him from his thoughts- "Why are you staring at her?"

- "I was just... thinking about... nothing, I guess."

- "I'm starting to think maybe Frank is right"- and Gerard turned to his younger brother pretending to be insulted.

- "Don't be stupid."

- "Then stop drooling. You are not fooling anyone!"

- "Come on, kids! It's showtime!"- Jeffrey walked in clapping his hands- "Joey! You too!"- he yelled, and the girl took out her headphones.

- "What?"

- "Show, now! Come on!"

- "Sorry"- the girl smiled and sprinted over the band. Frank's arms locked around her as he stood in the hallway next to the stage and kissed her shoulder upon her Megadeth t-shirt.

- "Take care"- and the drummer rolled her eyes.

- "I'm gonna be sitting moving my arms. I don't see the danger."

- "I'm just saying"- she smiled, and she leaned to kiss his cheek.

- "You make it so hard to hate you, Jersey."

- "That's what my wife always says."

- "I love your wife so fucking much."

- "I love her too"- he chuckled- "Have you ever noticed our conversations always end up being weird?"- and she smiled.

- "That's 'cos you are so fucking weird, Frank"

Joey couldn't help but laugh in deep joy for a second. She loved her job and her bandmates. She was finally where she always wanted to get as a drummer. Her personal life was a mess, though. Was that the price to pay to be successful? Getting a shitty love life and a whole mess in your head?

- "I finally get what happened with Andy, in Devil Wears Prada... I hated that fucking movie, but shit, I feel just like her now."

The kids at that show were on fire, which helped the weary band perform better. It was getting harder and harder to keep on playing after all those months of touring. They all needed to get a few days off to sleep and do nothing. Traveling was exhausting. Joey had never thought about that until this leg of the tour.

- "Danke Germany!"- Gerard yelled, and the crowd yelled right away. Mikey turned his back to the kids and looked at Joey smiling. She looked happy when they were on stage. That's why he always kept an eye on her when they were performing.

- "Give me all your fucking money!"- Gerard shouted, announcing the next song- Well, are you ready, Ray?

- "Yeah!"

- "How about you, Frank?"- and Iero made the weirdest noises on the mic

- "How about you, Joey?"- and the girl widened her eyes smiling as Gerard stood in front of the drum, reaching out the mic to her.

- "Yeah!"- and Gerard grinned.

- "How about you, Mikey?"

- "Fucking ready!"

- "I think I'm alright! One, two, three, four!!"

It felt for a minute like she wasn't the supporting drummer but one of the band. And it felt incredible.

The hospital was busy. Nurses and doctors walked outside in the hallways. Matthew was trying to concentrate on anything, but he couldn't take his eyes off his phone. They had brought him lunch already, but he wasn't hungry- and Paget had left him an obscene amount of candy- so he left the tray untouched. He only had the jelly. And only because his mother forced him.

He was weary though, he felt hurt, physically beaten. He was taking it like a champ 'cos he didn't want to scare his mom, but in reality, he was shocked. He had never realized how short life could be. He had never had any kind of experience like this before, and this one showed him one thing: the important things in life are the simplest. The ones you take for granted.

- "What do I love the most in life? My family, watching my nephews grow up, my mom... Yami, my Yami's smile, her voice... everything about her"- Matthew's eyes were stuck in his cellphone's screen as he thought about everything that had happened in the last days- "If there is one thing I need every day for the rest of my life is having her next to me. I'm not gonna let her go, no matter what".

If he could travel in time and slap himself, he would. He would also kick himself in the nuts and never go to that party at all. But he couldn't. And he had to live with it. Somehow.

Joey yelled goodnight to her friends and ran out of the van to her room before anyone could say anything to her. On the ride back to the hotel, they had all been briefed about the next day. They were leaving at seven in the morning. They had to meet in the lobby. They had press and a radio interview in Copenhagen at one. And Joey had the chance to stay at the hotel and rest. Everybody told her to do so. And she didn't argue with that, she wanted to rest, and most of all, she didn't want to be at any interview or close to Gerard.

- "Goodnight, kids!"- she yelled and waved as she ran to the elevator. Gerard looked at her with a sorry glance, and his brother caught it right away.

- "Are you ok?"- Mikey asked and raised an eyebrow.

- "What? Yeah, I'm just tired"- the Way brothers looked at each other, both of them knowing the oldest was lying.

- "Sure... just don't let your exhaustion get in the way"- Mikey stated and walked away.

- "Wait, what the fuck?"- Gerard asked, making the, most likely, wrong decision to follow his younger brother.

- "Come on, Gerard! Stop denying it! You have a crush on her"- and Gerard groaned, exhausted from the same conversation. Mainly because he was running out of excuses to prove people wrong.

- "So do you! So does everybody! 'Cos you are all telling me the same shit over and over again when I don't!"- the brothers got into the elevator on their own and continued arguing.

- "I fucking know you! And I can't believe I didn't see it before! You are fucking drooling all the time! You look like a fucking teenager!"

- "Oh! shut up!"- Gerard frowned and crossed his arms on his chest- "I don't have a crush on her. I am a happily married man! Just because you have been obsessed with her ever since you met her doesn't mean so am I!" They stayed in silence for a couple of minutes until the door opened on their floor, and both stepped out of the elevator.

- "Have you tried to get anything with her?"- Mikey asked and followed his brother to his room.

- "I don't wanna talk about this"- Gerard simply answered.

- "Which means yes."

- "No, I haven't 'cos I don't like her! I have no feelings for her!"- stains of red  hair dye were on Gerard's neck as he scratched it, tired of the conversation, and at the same time tired of denying the truth. One part of him wanted to tell his brother, to have someone to finally open up.

- "I don't want you to hurt her, Gerard."

- "Thank you for being concerned about her the most, instead of your brother"- Gerard snorted and opened his door, followed by his brother. He took out his shoes and laid on his bed like a dead man.

- "I care about her, and if you have feelings for her, you are fucked up!"

And suddenly, it was just too much for Gerard.

- "I know"- the singer whispered, and his brother's chest tightened at those words- "Do you think I want this? It's fucking agony! She stays as far away from me as possible, and she rejected me when I told her how I feel"- Gerard chuckled at his words- "Can you believe that? It's high school all over again! She keeps pushing me away each time I try to get closer to her, ever since the beginning."

Mikey widened his eyes, listening to his brother's confession, as he stood in front of him in shock.

- "You told her you like her?"

- "Yeah"- Gerard whispered and sighed, defeated. It was useless to deny the truth anymore- "I told her I loved her from day one."

- "Did you try to... kiss her?"

- "I succeeded, actually. After months of longing and thinking about it, I kissed her...."

- "What did she do?"- Mikey was whispering, not believing a word. Had Joey kissed his brother?

- "She stopped, told me to get away from her... and when I tried again, and she kissed me back. I thought, "Shit Gerard, you nailed it, she likes you too!" but then she called me Matthew"- Gerard's voice shook, and his brother looked at him, nearly shocked. Was he going to cry? Was he that affected by the drummer?

- "When did you..."

- "After the show in Valencia."

- "You sick bastard! She was drunk!!"- the youngest Way nearly yelled and kept walking across the room, brushing his hands against his face and making a serious effort not to hit his brother- "What the fuck Gerard?! She was intoxicated, and you tried to kiss her?"

- "I didn't try. I told you I succeeded! It was so good, it felt so fucking right"- the singer made a pause and wiped off the few tears that fell from his eyes.

- "I can't believe it! You abused her when she was drunk!" - but Gerard ignored the accusation and continued talking.

- "She wasn't drunk the first time, by the way"- and Mikey frowned.

- "You kissed her more than once!"

- "Yeah, that day you left me alone with her... it was so sweet, so tender..."

- "She was fucking depressed, crying, and affected by her boyfriend!! Gerard! What the fuck is your problem!! It's the sickest shit I've ever heard you do!"

- "Don't you think I feel like the shit too? I know I fucked it up! I just couldn't help it! I love her! I can't stand the fact she is suffering for an asshole who cheated on her! I need to fix her! I needed to..."- but Mikey didn't let him finish.

- "You are married. You don't have the moral to judge Gubler for cheating!"

- "I know"

- "And you love her? You are married! Don't you love Lynz anymore?"

- "I love her so much, Mikey! That's what's killing me too! 'Cos I love both of them! I wanna be with both! I need to have them both!"

- "Dude... that shit is sick!"- Mikey was shaken.

- "I know! That's the worst part. I know what I feel is wrong! I can't love Joey. I can't mess things with her 'cos she works with us and is fantastic as our drummer. But at the same time, it's like she is a magnet I can't keep away from! Like she is my earth, and I'm her moon, orbiting around her!"

Gerard sat down and started crying.

- "I don't know what's wrong with me! From day fucking one! I looked at her, and I knew she was going to be the end of me! And I've been dealing with this all along..."

Mikey had no idea what to do. He was in shock. Sure, he knew Gerard was weird around Joey, but he never thought it would be this bad. He always thought he didn't like her. And it turned out to be the complete opposite.

- "Until this morning, I was sure she was going to leave, not only for her stupid boyfriend but because of what happened..."

- "That's why she had been giving you the cold shoulder"- Mikey whispered, thinking out loud.

- "And I deserve it, I guess. I kissed her and told her I loved her... what the fuck is my problem?"

- "I don't know, but you really fucked it up"- Mikey nodded in silence at his statement and finally sat next to Gerard. His older brother brushed his hands against his face and wiped off the tears.

- "I feel I love her, you know? Like... a fucking piece of my heart I never knew was missing just appeared, and I need to keep her close, no matter what, 'cos if I don't, I'm gonna die."

- "Well, you are gonna have to learn to let that part go, 'cos there is no way, and I mean it, no way she is ever going to be with you."

Mikey was brutally honest, in part 'cos he was mad at Gerard, but mostly because he knew it was the truth. Joey wasn't in love with him. And even if she was, she would never let him leave his wife for her.

- "I know... and yet, I can't stop trying"- Gerard made a pause- "I hated you so bad for being so close to her... you are all so fucking close to her."

- "I always thought it was weird you were so distant."

- "I didn't know how to act around her. She smiles, and I have no fucking clue what to say."

- "You are fucked."

- "Yeah"- the two of them made a long pause.

- "You are gonna have to get rid of your feelings, Gerard."

- "I know... any clue how?"

- "No..."

- "And knowing right now she is talking to him, that shit kills me"- Mikey sighed. That was killing him too. But he didn't say a word.

The computer was on the bed. Joey sat in front of it, FaceTime was open, but she still couldn't find the guts to press "call." She just stared at the screen and sighed. She wanted to know about him, she was worried about his health after the accident. But she didn't know how to deal with it. With the whole "you broke my heart" part of the conversation.

- "Ok, let's do this. And you are not talking about any feeling, just about his health. It's gonna be a short call."

And not thinking about it again, she started the video call.

- "Hello baby!"- Marilyn's face filled the screen, and Joey's body shook with fear, anxiety, and excitement.

- "Hi! How are you?"

- "Great! How was the show?"

- "It was amazing! The kids were nuts today!"- and Joey yawned- "But I am dead, sorry. I just showered and put on my pajamas."

- "That's ok..."- there was a silence, Joey knew what was gonna happen, and she decided to treat it like a band-aid

- "And how's Matthew?"- she just ripped it off, pretending it didn't hurt

- "He is right here. He has been waiting for your call all day."

- "Mom!"- he whined, embarrassed. Joey had to bite her lips not to smile as she heard his voice somewhere near the phone. She felt her body shaking at that sound.

- "I'm gonna let you two kids talk. I'll be outside, bye honey!"

- "Bye Marilyn!"

Joey waved at the screen and noticed all the movements when the phone left the woman's hand. Two seconds later, Matthew's face filled the screen, and her heart stopped. He was bruised. He looked severely hurt. And yet, he had a massive smile on her lips as soon as he saw her.

His heart started beating so fast on his chest as soon as he laid eyes on her, he was sure one of the machines around him was going to start beeping. Neither of them said a word for a moment. They just stared.

- "FaceTiming him was a mistake. A normal call would have been so much better,"- Joey thought and took a deep breath before saying- "Hey, how do you feel?"

- "Good... I'm good. It looks worse than it is, maybe 'cos I get bruised a lot... 'cos I'm so white and... I'm a peach"- Matthew started rambling.

- "What happened?"- Joey stopped his rambling 'cos she knew he could go for hours.

- "A truck missed a red light and hit my car, but I'm ok, really... not even a broken bone."

- "What about your knee?"

- "It's still in place."

- "Now that's a miracle!"- Joey chuckled and regretted it right away, she was melting, and hearing Matthew's laughter like a cascade of joy didn't help either. Her heart kept racing, and her palms were sweating.

- "Yeah! I thought I was gonna have to spend another year in those crutches."

- "It's a good thing they are still in your closet."

- "A part of me knew I was stupid enough to injure myself again"- the actor smiled and shrugged. However, that movement hurt, and he involuntarily winced in pain.

- "Are you ok?"

- "Yeah, I just... forgot that hurts"- Joey nodded and looked at him. She wanted to end that call before she would burst into tears, which was about to happen any second now.

He was the father of her child. They were having a baby together, and he had no idea. All the thoughts spinning around her head were too much. It scared her to think about how everything was going to be when it came to the moment to talk about it, and she was sure that the moment wasn't that one.

- "Well, you should rest. I just wanted to know if you were ok, and..."- the girl started saying, but Matthew stopped her.

- "Wait, no... don't hang up yet"- his voice was a plea, and desperation came from each word he spoke, even his eyes looked at her with sadness and longing- "Please talk to me."

- "We are talking. You are clearly in pain. Maybe you should rest."

- "Please, don't go. I needed to talk to you for so long."

- "No, Matthew."

- "I need you to listen. I need you to forgive me."

- "No, Matthew, I'm tired; I don't wanna do this, not now, not ever. I just called to know if you were ok. I can see you are not half as bad as I imagined, which makes me happy. But I don't wanna talk about us."

- "Fine, that's ok, we don't have to talk about us, let's talk about anything else."

- "Matthew"- Joey knew just talking to him about the weather was a threat. Why? 'Cos he was charming, and she loved him. She didn't want to forgive him, and seeing his face wasn't helping in keeping that resolution.

- "Please, tell me, how was your day?"- she sighed and looked away, locking her eyes in her nails- "How was the show?"

- "It was good"

- "When do you leave for Denmark?"

- "Tomorrow at seven."

- "It should be a long drive from Hamburg"- Matthew was honestly desperate to make conversation, and the subject made it obvious.

- "Jeffrey said four hours, time I plan to spend sleeping."

- "Are you doing any more press with the band?"- at that minute, anything that came through Gubler's head that could help him keep her in line was a good subject.

- "I hope not, at least not tomorrow"- Joey kept staring at her nails, avoiding his eyes. Matthew couldn't stop staring at her, sitting on her bed, in pajama, obviously exhausted but still talking to him. That was a good sign, right?

- "You looked gorgeous at the Valencia show"- he sort of whispered and saw her cheeks turning red of embarrassment- "I told you that was a great outfit."

- "Yeah... I remember"- she sighed and looked at him, raising an eyebrow- "So, did you actually watch it? I thought you would be working at the time."

- "I stopped everything and forced them to watch you play"- Joey chuckled at those words, and Matthew felt he was a tiny baby step closer to win her back- "I wasn't going to miss it. It was my chance to see you live, and you kicked ass." The girl felt the blush in her cheeks as she looked at her fingers again, playing with them on the blanket of the bed.

- "Thanks..."- Matthew stayed quiet for a moment, just looking at her.

- "You look so beautiful tonight"- but she raised her eyes and frowned

- "Don't"

- "Sorry"- he whispered and sighed- "So... Paget came to see me today"- that was the only thing that came to his mind

- "How is she?"

- "Good, she bought me so many candies I'm gonna have a sugar rush until Halloween"- and he chuckled.

- "I'm jealous. Mikey took away all my candy today."

- "Why?"- the boy frowned.

- "He said I can't have that much sugar"- and Joey bit her tongue. She couldn't eat that much sugar being pregnant. She was pregnant with Matthew's baby.

- "What is he? The sugar police?"- and the girl slightly smiled.

- "Yeah, I guess he is."

- "How is he?"

- "He hates you."

- "I guess everybody hates me, I hate me... mom hates me."

- "I surely doubt it."

- "Believe me, she does."

- "Anyway, we are not talking about that..."

- "Are we ever going to talk about that?"- and Joey knew the answer to that - "Yes, I guess we will... we have to talk, "But not about what you are thinking, cheater."

- "Good, great, yeah, awesome, we have to talk, I need to..."- but Joey stopped him again.

- "Not now, not today. When I come back to Los Angeles, we can meet, have a coffee and talk about it." Matthew nodded. He didn't have another choice but to agree with her terms. He wanted to talk to her, and he had to go along with her flow to win her back. Not along with his desires.

- "Do you want me to pick you from the airport?"

- "No thanks, I can take a cab."

- "You are gonna bring a million bags..."

- "I can handle it, don't worry"- her voice was so serious. Matthew knew he shouldn't insist.

- "Ok... how's your mom and dad?"

- "They are ok. They miss me."

- "I miss you too, so fucking much."

- "Ok, gonna hung up now."

- "I'm sorry, I just.... needed to see you."

- "And you saw me, and I wanted to know if you are ok, and now I know you are, so... I guess we are both..."- but no word came from Joey's lips for a second. She just zoned out, looking at Matthew- "I guess I should go, I have to get up real early, and I'm tired."

- "Of course, I don't wanna keep you up."

- "I'll call you when I get to Los Angeles."

- "Yes, please, let me know you are ok."

- "Do you know when you'll be discharged?"

- "In two days."

- "Good"- she nodded and bit her lips- "Ok, so, talk to you in a few days."

- "Yes... well... would it be ok if I called you sometime?"- she didn't know what to say- "Or text you, or something... just to make sure you are alright."

- "I'm alright."

- "I still get worried about you... traveling and all"- she looked at him, there was so much sorrow in his eyes, in his words.

- "You can text me if you want"- and a sigh of relief left his lips.

- "Thanks... now go to sleep."

- "Yeah, I will."

- "I love you"- he said, knowing those words might upset her, but he wasn't able to keep them in his chest any longer- "And I swear I'm gonna do whatever it takes to show you how sorry I am for fucking things up."

- "Bye, Matthew. Take care and say hello to your mom from me"- Joey ignored his last words and watched him for a few more seconds.

- "Talk to you later"- he murmured, fighting the tears that kept coming to his eyes

- "Bye"- Joey hung up and shut down the computer. In less than a second, she started crying, her heartbreaking and beating filled with love at the same time. Seeing him, hearing him. It was all too much.

- "How can I stop fucking loving you?! How on earth can you stop loving someone?!"

And as odd as it might be, Gerard was asking himself the very same question a few rooms away from her.

::: Denmark, March 15th, 2011 :::

Ray's arm felt numb underneath Joey's neck. But he didn't want to move it and wake her up. They were at the back of the bus, probably an hour away from Copenhagen. The girl had slept most of the trip after puking breakfast. The two of them had spent the whole journey there, with Mikey, mostly sleeping. They were all exhausted.

- "Hey guys!"- until Frank walked in and woke Mikey and Joey up- "Sorry, I didn't know you were sleeping"- he stood at the door with a sorry glance- "I wanted to ask you if you wanted to do the setlist now, 'cos we have been playing the same one for the last three shows, and it would be nice to make a few changes"- Ray nodded as Joey sat down, yawning.

- "Are we there yet?"

- "Not yet, Bug"- Ray smiled and moved his arm, feeling numbness and tingling- "Do you feel ok?"

- "Yeah, I'm hungry."

- "Here"- Mikey quickly grabbed a bag and gave her a cereal bar- "I got you healthy snacks when we stopped a while ago"- and he smiled, showing her a paper bag- "We've got everything you need to keep my nephew growing healthy."

- "Thanks"- she whispered, feeling awkward still just talking about her pregnancy like a common thing. She still didn't (or couldn't) believe she was pregnant.

- "So, setlist"- Frank sat next to his friends and started writing. They were halfway there when Iero turned to Joey and smiled- "Bug, pick a song"- and she frowned.

- "Why?"

- "We've been shitty friends. We never ask you what you wanna play."

- "That's 'cos I... you know, that's not my job, you are the band, you choose your songs."

- "And I choose you, like a Pokemon"- Frank grinned- "What would you like to play?"- Joey scratched her eyes and yawned again.

- "Vampires."

- "Done!"- and Frank wrote it down- "What else?"- the girl thought about it for a second

- "House of Wolves"- Ray smiled.

- "Loving your choices."

- "Thank you"- Joey finished her cereal bar and smiled- "Thank you, Mikey."

- "You are welcome, Bug"- a hum on the girl's phone caught her attention. It was a text from Matthew.

- "Hope you are having a nice trip"- and her heart raced, her cheek blushed, and her friends frowned.

- "Are you two in better terms?"- Ray asked, knowing neither Mikey nor Frank was going to ask without insulting Matthew.

- "Let's say I'm wrapping my mind around the fact I have to tell him he will be a father. I talked to him about his health, and that was it... nothing about us."

- "But he is texting you"- Mikey pointed out the obvious.

- "Yeah... but we are not back together. And I don't want to forgive him, so I'm ok"- the all nodded- "I just know I'm gonna have to deal with the whole baby thing with him, and I don't know if I wanna be mad at him the whole time"- they all nodded again- "I don't know what I'm doing"- she whispered.

- "If you want, we can say it's my baby"- Frank said with an honest smile- "I give them my last name. Matthew won't have a reason to be close to you, and everything will be awesome"- Joey chuckled at the idea.

- "You are so funny, Iero."

- "I wasn't joking. I can convince Jamia to go through the whole thing."

- "Shut up!"- Joey punched softly Frank's arm and smiled.

- "She wants to talk to you, by the way. Jamia"- the guitarist said and kept writing down in his notebook, avoiding making eye contact with the girl, just in case she would get upset.

- "That's cool."

- "I mean about your baby, in case you need any help... if you want to ask her things... she is there"- Frank finally looked at Joey and bit his lips- "I'm sorry I told her about that"- he made a pause, and Joey shook her head.

- "It's ok. I love Jamia... and I'm sure I'm gonna text her with a million questions in the next nine months, so... thanks"- the girl smiled and messed with Frank's hair. The four of them stayed quiet. Mikey was stuck at his book, Frank looked at the setlist and Ray at their schedule for the day.

- "Where's Gerard?"- Toro asked and looked around. Joey turned to the window, Mikey's eyes stuck at her. He was dying to talk to her about what had happened with his brother. He wanted to know her side of the story.

- "He is at his bunk"- Frank simply replied- "He has been there since we got into the bus."

- "Good, stay away from her,"- Mikey thought and went back to his book. Maybe his brother was doing the right thing for once.

It was three in the morning, and Matthew woke up for the hundredth time that night. It was hard to sleep at the hospital. There were many noises all night long, and nurses that came to put an eye on him. Just two more days, and he could go home. That idea made him happy. Six more days and Joey was going to be back in Los Angeles. The hum of his phone took him from his thoughts, and a smile lodged on his lips immediately.

- "Already in Denmark"- Joey had answered his earlier message.

- "How was the trip?"- he quickly typed and waited, staring at the screen. Joey looked at her phone and held her breath. She was lying on her bed, knowing she wasn't going to get any sleep. The tv was on, the sound in the background of her room made her feel a little less alone.

- "I slept most of the way"- she simply replied and closed her eyes. She felt like a schoolgirl talking with her crush. Decided to avoid her phone, the girl surfed channels for a while. But an incoming text took her complete attention. She wanted to read it so badly, but she didn't want to want to read it. If that made any sense at all.

- "I'm jealous. I can't sleep in this hospital,"- Matthew wrote and sighed. He looked around his room and his eyes laid on the stuffed animals still on the couch by his bed. The ones he had made for her. He just hoped she would like them.

- "Hospitals sucks,"- Matthew chuckled. He could almost listen to her voice saying that as he read it.

- "Food is the worst. I've been living on Paget's candies,"- but that message, Joey didn't reply. He waited for at least ten minutes, but no answer appeared on the screen. He closed his eyes and sighed. He didn't want to push things too fast, but at the same time, he couldn't help it, he needed to talk to her for hours, like before.

Joey was curled in bed, surfing channels, her phone hidden underneath a pillow. She knew talking to Gubler was a bad idea 'cos she loved him. So instead, she hid her phone from her and glued her eyes to the screen. Bad luck for her, "The Aquatic Life with Steve Zissou" was on. It was like life wasn't helping her at all. Matthew was everywhere. Including the movie she watched.

- "I should go get something to eat,"- she typed, giving up at the temptation. Gubler opened his eyes. It took the girl over half an hour to reply.

- "With the guys?"- he wrote quickly

- "No, I'm alone today, they are doing their band shit"- she sat on the bed and put on her shoes- "Talk to you later"- and finished the conversation.

- "Take care,"- Matthew answered quickly. He smiled and closed his eyes, sighing- "Baby steps, Gubler. Baby steps."

- "What the fuck are you doing, asshole?!"- Joey slapped herself mentally- "Stop giving him hopes. You are not getting back together."

Mikey wasn't himself that day. He wasn't mentally there at any of the interviews. His brother was in love with Joey. The thought of Gerard trying to kiss her was hunting him. It was sick. And when she was drunk, when she was sad. He even felt guilty for leaving her with him. Like he was responsible for his mistake.

- "And why the fuck didn't she tell me?! This is huge?! Doesn't she trust me? Isn't this important? I thought we were brother and sister! This is something you share with your brother!"

- "Mikey?"- Frank moved his hand in front of the bassist's face and frowned- "Are you here?"

- "Sorry, I spaced out... what is it?"

- "The interview is over; we can go"- Mikey looked around. He was the only one still sitting at the radio studio.

- "Right."

- "Are you ok?"

- "Yeah."

- "You are quiet."

- "I don't usually talk a lot in interviews."

- "Touché"- Iero chuckled and tapped on his friend's back- "Tired?"

- "Weary"

- "Just a few more days, hang in there"- Mikey nodded and walked with his friend. Gerard looked at him and raised an eyebrow. He didn't reply, not even with a gesture. Mikey just continued walking. He knew what he had to do. He just found it weird.

- "Hey"- he whispered, making sure his brother wasn't going to overhear his conversation and held his cellphone close- "Are you feeling good?"

- "Yeah"- Joey rolled in bed and sighed- "I already had lunch half hour ago, and it's still in my stomach, so I guess I'm awesome"- Mikey smiled.

- "Were you sleeping?"

- "No, just rolling in bed and coloring mandalas from time to time, watching tv."

- "We are going to the hotel now."

- "Great! Are you gonna nap?"

- "I wanted to hang out with you."

- "Great! Bring candies."

- "I'll bring healthy snacks for my nephew"- Joey sighed at those words. She wasn't ready to start talking about her baby.

- "A tiny little Snicker, for Christ Sakes. For your niece."

- "I'll think about it."

Joey watched The Nightmare Before Christmas, trying to wrap her head around the fact she was going to have a baby. Sure, she always thought about it, but not at twenty-six. Yes, she wanted to have a baby with Matthew, but not under those circumstances.

- "I guess I'll have to make the best of it"- she sighed, rubbing her belly sweetly- "You are gonna have Halloween every day, I swear"- Joey whispered- "I'm gonna make sure you've got everything I never had. Your dad is gonna go nuts when we tell him... I still don't know what kind of nuts, but I guess we'll have to figure it out."

She made a pause, thinking about Matthew telling her he wanted to fill their house with babies. Maybe he was going to be excited after all. Maybe.

- "Your uncle Mikey is gonna spoil you, that I am sure about"- the knock on the door took Joey from her conversation with her belly. Mikey stood at the other side, smiling and holding a fun size Snicker bag.

- "I'm going to give you one every day. That's gonna be your only candy, ok?"

- "Thank you!!"- Joey walked in, jumping in excitement, making her friend chuckle. He was slightly mad at her, but still, he couldn't be mean to her- "How was work?"

- "Boring, I think I fell asleep during most of the interviews"- the girl chuckled and sat indian style on her bed- "I can see you are watching kids movies already"- the bassist raised an eyebrow staring at the screen.

- "I happen to love this movie... I'm a Halloween kind of girl."

- "Yeah, I know"- Mikey stood in front of Joey, chewing a Snicker.

- "Aren't you going to sit down and watch this masterpiece with me?"

- "I need to talk to you about something first."

- "Shoot"- but Way didn't know how to start that conversation. He thought about it the whole morning, but he still had no clue. So instead, he mumbled some unintelligible words- "What is it?"

- "I just..."

- "Is it because I've been wearing a lot of your hoodies? I'm sorry, the ones I brought are Matthew's, and I don't feel like wearing his clothes."

- "No Bug, it's not that."

- "'Cos I'm wearing Frank's too... which is pretty weird 'cos he is my size..."

- "No, Joey. It's not about that."

- "Then why are you so serious?"

- "'Cos you never told me you kissed my brother"- and Joey's face fell.

- "Did he tell you?"

- "Clearly... what the fuck?"

- "I don't know!!"

- "Why didn't you tell me?!"

- "'Cos if I never told anyone, I could pretend it never happened! And I wish that never happened!"

- "What the fuck was that about?!"

- "I don't know, I felt like the shit, he kissed me, I didn't stop him right away..."

- "Do you like him?"

- "No!"

- "Do you love him?"- Mikey was serious about his questions- "'Cos he is sure he loves you."

- "I don't love him, Mikey. We both know there is only one shitty person I love"- Joey laid back on the bed and covered her face with her hands.

- "Do you think I'm proud? I should have never done that! and I definitely shouldn't have let him get to the point he got"- Mikey frowned.

- "What?"

- "So he didn't tell you he wanted to fuck?"- the girl simply replied- "When I was drunk... we kissed, at a certain point we made out, but I wasn't very conscious of what he was doing... I just... in my intoxication... I thought he was Matthew."

- "What the fuck?"- Way wide opened his eyes and turned to his friend in shock.

- "Yeah, it was sick..."- she whispered, embarrassed.

- "Joey, that's abuse!"

- "What? no!"- the girl gasped.

- "Joey, my brother tried to abuse you"- Mikey yelled- "You were drunk!"

- "Yeah, but..."

- "You were nearly unconscious, and he tried to make out with you?"

- "No! No! I mean, a part of me knew what I was doing. I just... didn't know who I was doing it with."

Honestly, that didn't sound like an excellent explanation of the facts. Joey was in denial of how bad things had gotten with Gerard.

- "Bug, that's not right! He knew exactly what he was doing, and he shouldn't have done that to you if you were drunk!"- Mikey's words resonated in Joey's head.

- "He didn't try to rape me. I mean, he stopped when I realized he wasn't Matthew... and honestly, I'm not trying to defend him, but I was pretty disgusted by my actions right away!"

Joey stood up and looked at her friend right in the eyes. At that moment, she decided the best she could do was take the pushy scene from the story, when Gerard didn't want to let her go. It was better to forget that moment and pretended it never really happened.

- "The first time he kissed me, I thought making out with your brother was the perfect revenge against Matthew, mostly 'cos he was always saying Gerard had a thing for me"- the girl sighed and pouted at her friend- "Who was ever going to think he was right?"- Mikey wrapped his arms around her and kissed the top of your head- "I just didn't know that one kiss made him think we could do it again when I was drunk."

- "Please don't do stupid shit like this again"- she nodded

- "Your shirt stinks"- she joked, making her best to stop the serious conversation 'cos she couldn't stand arguing with Mikey, and less talking about that subject.

- "Sorry, I ran out of clean clothing 'cos I've got a friend who keeps wearing everything I own"- he chuckled, and Joey smiled, letting him go slowly to go back to the bag of candies- "I said just one a day."

- "Can I get an extra one today? Please?"

- "No, you are grounded, 'cos you did something incredibly stupid"- they stared at each other in silence for a few seconds, until Mikey smiled- "Fine, but only today"- she girl smiled and landed a kiss on Mikey's cheek.

- "Thank you. Besides, Ray is the only one who can ground me around here."

- "Right"- Joey chewed her Snicker and laid back in bed, tapping the spot next to her- "There's still one more thing."

- "Oh shit! I don't want to have more serious conversations. We've had enough of those already."

- "He claims to love you"- Mikey just said, and Joey closed her eyes, wincing.

- "I know! And I find it as stupid as false! We've barely talked this whole time! He has no idea who I am, what I like, or anything! He is just talking with his cock!"

- "And what are you gonna do about it?"

- "Stay as far from him as possible"- Mikey laid next to Joey and held her hand- "Do you think the others suspect anything?"

- "Frank, for sure. He has been arguing about it for days now."

- "Shit!"

- "But hey, hey, don't worry"- Mikey tapped on Joey's hand- "It's gonna be ok."

- "Bróðir"- the girl made a pause and never unglued her eyes from the screen- "I'm gonna have to leave."

- "No!"- his voice sounded serious and certain- "You don't have to!"

- "I'm nothing but trouble! This tour is more a soap opera than a job at this point! Breaking up with Matthew and having all of you taking care of me, now I'm pregnant, your brother claims to love me." Joey turned to Mikey and cut him a shy smile. - "Face it, if you had hired a male drummer, you would have had a quiet tour. Nothing to worry about, not all this fucking drama to deal with."

- "If we had hired anyone else, I would have had a miserable tour"- Mikey simply replied and messed with Joey's hair as the two of them returned to watch the movie- "So stop saying nonsenses."

- "I'm so sorry..."

- "Knock it off"

- "And I don't want you to be mad at your brother."

- "I'm not mad"- Joey raised an eyebrow and looked at Mikey- "Fine, I hate him right now, 'cos he has been acting like a fucking crazy jerk, and honestly, he nearly abused you, Joey!"

- "Don't hate him... let's pretend none of that weird shit ever happened, which is what I'm planning to do."

- "Fine"

- "And don't get all weird."

- "Fine"- Mikey sounded a little annoyed.

- "And don't make a fuzz if I stay away from him."

- "I'll support you, I'll even stay away from him myself."

- "Don't. He is fucked up. Maybe if he opened up with you, it's because he needs company or someone to help him overcome this... madness."

Mikey turned to Joey again and sighed. He disagreed with her, and he was planning to stay away from his brother and keep him away from Joey as well.

- "And how was your talk with Matthew?"- Joey's heart raced just by hearing his name- "The red cheeks are giving you away."

- "It was... ok, I guess."

- "And now you are texting"- she sighed and huffed.

- "I'm gonna have a baby with him, Mikey. It's hard."

- "And you love him."

- "Not the point... and that's all I'm saying about that subject."

- "Ok"- Mikey wrapped an arm around Joey's neck, and she rested her head on him- "Let's watch the movie before we have to leave for the arena."

Mikey wasn't mad at Joey. He was scared she might consider leaving the band. He loved having her there. She was honestly his anxiety shield, and he couldn't deal with that tour without her. Not at the moment. He was alone. He felt alone, and she was the one with him always. Ray had Christa, Frank had Jamia, Gerard had Lynz (and it was now obvious: he also had a stalking problem).

Mikey had Joey. At least when they were on the road. Hiding in their friendship and brotherhood was the only way he could handle loneliness. Or to avoid it.

**

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[mychemicalficrecs]

could i get a rec list of long (30k+) frank-centric any pairing fics? (preferably not in first person, and if there's smut with bottom frank)…weirdly specific but at least i know what i like?

Being specific is totally fine! Depending on what it is you’re looking for, it can even be super helpful :) I originally thought this would be difficult, but it turns out I already had all of these in my bookmarks. It didn’t specifically check for bottom!Frank though (sorry).

Frank-centric Longfic

Gerard Way's (Vampire) Detective Agency by jjtaylor, Pennyplainknits, mainly Frank/Gerard, 164k, Mature. Pete, in Decaydance Mansion, with a yarrow stake. Frank and Gerard, in the greenhouse, with a plant of questionable origin. Bob, everywhere you look, with a gang of assassins for justice. Vampires, valets, pamphlets, haunted furniture, dub-thrall, disembodied voices, zombie couriers, and sinister rituals.

Nightswimming by waxjism, Frank/Gerard, 141k, Not Rated. My Teenage Romance

Unholyverse by Bexless, Frank/Gerard, Ray/Mikey, 187k, Mature, Explicit. Religion! Horror! Exorcisms! Piercings! And Gerard is a priest.

Illyria (King and Country) by tabulaxrasa, Frank/Gerard, 57k, Explicit. Today, they'd woken up and Gerard was King of Illyria. Frank hasn't really been a stable boy since he ended up in the archduke's bed, but now Gerard's exile is over and he's king. Frank has to survive court, politics, and scheming nobles to figure out exactly what he is now.

Stunning Someone by morbid_beauty, Frank/Gerard, 82k, Explicit. Frankie, a tattoo artist living in Brooklyn, has basically everything ze wants...except, like, someone to cuddle with at night. As lame as that sounds. Gerard, an art student living in Manhattan, meets someone of questionable gender and starts a friendship with an unrequited crush. (Or: the one where Frankie is genderfluid, Gerard is kind of ignorant to much of the queer community, and sometimes you just fall for a stunning someone.)

Envision the Magic by innocent_wolves, Frank/Gerard, 69k, Teen And Up Audiences. Gerard is a talented magician, responsible for much of the success of the famous Envision Destiny cruise ship. He's also one of those people. You know, one of those people who just seem to take up all the space they come across with their arrogance and confidence. You wouldn't wanna touch their personality with a 10-foot pole, but still people admire them. That is beyond Frank. Working behind the cruise ship bars and seeing Gerard pretty much every day, he can't understand what's so great about him. Besides, everybody else doesn't have to deal with his snide remarks and rude comments. Because if there's one thing Gerard seems to love, it's the act of constantly pestering Frank.

Truths That He Learned by gala_apples, Frank/Mikey, Patrick/Mikey/Pete, Ashlee/Patrick/Pete, 37k, Explicit. It's Frank's senior year, and it seems like he's constantly having new experiences, at least half of which come as a complete surprise to him. He falls in love, comes out, and has sex, not necessarily in that order.

Fit to be tied by maryangel, Frank/Gerard, 56k, Explicit. Frank is a bartender. Gerard is an alcoholic. They were clearly made for each other. Also, Frank is a werewolf.

Only Going One Way by ataratah, jjtaylor, Frank/Gerard, 73k, Mature. Crossover with due South. Constable Gerard Way of the Royal Canadian Mounted Police and Detective Frank Iero of the Chicago PD team up find Mikey Way in a city where bowling alley score cards hide secret codes, where the good guys are either lying or undercover (and sometimes lying about being undercover), and where criminal bakers make drug-laced frosting.

James Cameron Got It Wrong by ladyfoxxx, Frank/Fun Ghoul/Party Poison, 57k, Explicit. In which 2005!Frank and Fun Ghoul get it on. Then Frank accidentally winds up in 2019.

Rock and Roll Never Looked so Beautiful by corruptedkid, Frank/Gerard, 58k, Explicit. Gerard Way is a rising solo artist, set to become the next big thing in the alternative scene. Frank Iero is a trashy punk with a reputation of his own as the frontman of Pencey Prep. When their paths cross, a love story is born, only to come crashing down when Gerard hits it big. As Gerard ascends to the A-list, Frank adjusts to life on his own. He almost manages it - until two years later, when fate puts him face to face with Gerard once more. Everything has changed, but the connection between them is still there. Their story has ended once before, but if they're lucky, they just might make a new one.

I never told you what I do for a living. by not0-fuckin-kay, Frank/Gerard, 60k+, PG-13 to NC-17. Frank Iero, male nurse at Pete Wentz's private hospital and possibly more to one new patient he can't keep his eyes off of. When a new pateint is brought in with amnesia, just days before Christmas, and with nothing but the clothes on his back and a strange drawing, it's left to Frank to find out who he is and what happened to him. When he does, it changes Frank's life forever, as he's thrust into love and health scares he never thought would complicate his life. This is the story of how he tries to make it through, juggling his job and his love-life and just trying to make things better. With Patrick the doctor, Bob the ward supervisor, Travis the unlikely therapist, and Mikey, the sometimes wannabe homicidal geek.

and me here on the ground by ohnoktcsk, Frank/Gerard, 32k, Explicit. Frank's worked hard to build a life for himself in the city of Jersey, where dragons swoop and dive over the river, and every day is divided by the ringing of the city bells. He knows the streets of the city like he knows the the tattoos on the backs of his hands, and he's content with what he has: a job as a bike courier, friends who love to give him shit, and a crush on a professor of art history at the local university. But he's also got a secret—one he's been running from for a long time. But all it takes is one delivery to a mysterious, quite-probably-magical bookshop to show Frank that there are some things you can’t outrun. Especially since he’s finally found a place that he doesn’t want to leave.

Companion by onceuponamoon, Frank/Gerard, 34k, Explicit. A workplace AU. There’s a dude sitting in one of the high-backed chairs opposite the reception desk. Mostly obscured by a fake ficus plant between them, the guy probably wouldn’t have been noticeable save for the lazy sprawl of his legs, the Chucks contrasting against the floral rug.

Your Heart The Only Place That I Call Home by dear_monday, Frank/Gerard, 30k, Explicit. When Frank and his crew of morally ambiguous ethernauts (pirates, as Imperial law would have it, but that's such an ugly word) fetch up on the doorstep of the fabled Sanctuary, they aren't expecting to find much - least of all a long-lost brother, a garden in a box and the key to an ancient riddle.

Give Me a Reason by mistresscurvy, Lindsey/Frank/Jamia/Gerard and most variants thereof, 38k, Explicit. July 2007. Frank is fucking stoked for the next tour. This one will be the best ever, because his wife's gonna be with him the entire time. They've been married for less than six months, and he still can't fucking believe he got to marry her. This summer is going to rock. But life never happens as he plans.

In Repair by autoschediastic, Frank/Gerard, 33k, Explicit. "Shit," Frank mutters, and shoves both hands through his hair. He looks around the kitchen like he's gonna find what he should do scratched into the old linoleum, then looks back at the bot. He gnaws on his lip. Fuck it. He already knows what he's gonna do. He's just gotta do it. Getting down on his knees, he braces a hand on the edge of the crate and leans over the bot. It's dressed in a plain white tee and matching drawstring pants like an escaped mental patient. Frank rolls his neck and cracks his knuckles, shaking the ache out of them before carefully laying his palm against its cheek. He's pretty sure his voice is steady when he says, "Activate." Nothing happens. Fucking shitty packaging-- the thing's busted. But Frank keeps his hand where it is, jumping a little when he feels the surge of energy beneath it. The robot's skin goes from room temperature to lukewarm, then warm. Frank watches it open its eyes, the light behind them adjusting until they're a pale sort of brown. It looks at him and asks, "Am I dead?"

Promises, Promises by silentdescant, Frank/Gerard, 31k, Explicit. "Sources on our investigative team say this was a bank robbery gone wrong, and that, when faced with a police task force surrounding the building, the suspect grabbed the nearest person and is now holding that young man at gunpoint as he makes his getaway."

Cover To Cover by silentdescant, Frank/Gerard, 32k, Explicit. You've Got Mail AU. Frank owns The Shop Around The Corner, which specializes in classic and rare books, and Gerard is opening up a large branch of Way Books & Café down the street. They meet online and fall in love.

Love: The Package Deal by jjtaylor, Frank/Gerard, Lindsey/Frank/Jamia/Gerard, 30k, Mature. Gerard gets a special kind of amnesia. Frank gets to reexamine his idea of acceptable relationship structures. Lots of people fail to communicate effectively, but they all sure remember how to kiss.

Let The Darkness Lead You Home by rivers_bend, Frank/Gerard, 49k, Explicit. Vampires are in charge and most of the humans on earth are prey, so Frank Iero's parents have him train as a cyber tech to protect him. Leaving the family he's born into may have saved his life, but his parents never could have expected the lengths he'd go to in order to find a new family to call home.

Gross roomies by turps, Frank/Mikey, 36k, Explicit. Frank loves living with Mikey. Sure, the apartment is a mess, the kitchen's a toxic wasteland, and there's something growing in the refrigerator that's just a day or two away from becoming sentient, but other than those minor inconveniences, it's all cool. Or it is until Mikey decides to embark on a journey of sexual discovery and adventure and Frank's left at home with nothing but the fridge monster for company. To make matters worse, Mikey insists on telling Frank everything he does with his new kinky friends, right down to the tiniest detail. And now suddenly Frank is best friends with his right hand and he can't stop thinking about Mikey in ways he never has before. The really big problem, other than suddenly being in lust with his best friend, is that Frank isn't sure why.

Of All The Hidden Corners by moneyes, Frank/Gerard, ~44k, PG-13. An epic, adventurous tale filled with alternate universes, lords, mischief, magical powers, snark, boyfriends, and luck of the bad kind.

Church of Hot Addiction by spleenjournal, 0nlymemories, Frank/Gerard, Frank/Mikey, 36k, Adult. When Gerard Way gets transferred to Our Lady of Peace in Arlington a few weeks into his Senior year, he thinks it's his chance to be cool. Too bad his idea of "cool" is no cooler than it was in 3rd grade, even if there aren't any green tights.

Paradox 'verse by stoplightglow, Frank/Gerard, 42k, Mature. You know the saying. The best part about hitting rock bottom is that you get to meet a hot psychic.