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executeness · 2 years

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In which NHS and WWX use their arranged marriage as an excuse for insincere, dramatic courting and everyone else suffers

Starring: @aethersea as hummingbird, @words-writ-in-starlight as Gabriel, and myself as Errant, the bitch in blue

The images are all screenshots from a Skype chat. Transcript below the cut. I’m sorry, I know it’s more accessible without the cut, but I don’t have it in me to put a 2.4K word post on ppl’s dashes.

Note: Found this in my drafts and went why? haven’t I posted this yet? Oh right I was going to Tag It Properly with accents or w/e but uhhhhhh... fuck it!

Errant: NHS and WWX engagement of convenience

hummingbird: now that would be a fun fic

Errant: They're bros, just bros engaged to be married

hummingbird: they're also the two people in this whole show most likely to spend every single night getting drunk and causing merry chaos through every city of every street

hummingbird: it would be the most chaotic marriage in a very long time

Errant: Probably a marriage arranged when they were pretty young and the adults involved still had some illusions about them getting more responsible with age

Gabriel: God, NHS and WWX are engaged and they put on this HUGE performance of swooning into each other's arms every time something goes slightly awry and NHS one time sees a snake and flings himself at WWX like a kid hurling themself at their parent's neck, and everyone is like "well at least this will keep them both Out Of The Way" while LWJ just absolutely drowns in envy.

Errant: And then NHS and WWX are actually in the same room for any significant length of time and the adults are left calculating whether there's any polite respectable way to bow out of the marriage arrangement just to, y'know, keep the buildings of the cultivation world standing

Gabriel: They got tipsy and made out one night in the spirit of experimentation and then they kind of frowned at each other and simultaneously went "well" and decided they would just have nice quiet affairs. NHS is gay and WWX is bi but like. It's just. It's weird.

hummingbird: as they get older they sometimes contemplate the merit of loud, flamboyant affairs, just for the drama. they have fun scripting some of the fights they'll have about it

Gabriel: WWX uses the engagement as an excuse to call NMJ "da-ge" just like NHS does and on the one hand this is a great marriage, like, politically, it's going to do great things for QingheNie, and it's nice that he's going to marry NHS (Not A Competent Cultivator) to the rising genius of the cultivation world, and it's great that NMJ has a brother to marry off so that he, personally, can focus on the more important issue of not dying of qi deviation any time soon, but also.

ALSO.

This Wei kid is going to drive him fucking insane before they're even married.

Errant: They would be RIDICULOUS if they were engaged and meanwhile the peacock would kill something for Yanli to even draw a little closer to him when startled? To smile at him sometimes and put her hand on his arm? Where are the snakes when JZX wants his fiance to leap into his arms (he ends up leaping behind her anyway)? H o w are NHS and WWX doing this

Gabriel: On the one hand JZX would peel his skin off and jump in vinegar before he ever asked Wei Fucking Wuxian for advice but also hEY WHAT'S YOUR SECRET

Gabriel: (Someday, eventually, LWJ and WWX get married, and NHS shows up to the wedding with the biggest most expensive wagon of gifts he could get his hands on and tells everyone who will listen about how lucky LWJ is and honestly it's a weird vibe, compared to pretty nearly everyone else at this wedding who is only barely convinced that the Yiling Patriarch didn't enchant LWJ into this.)

hummingbird: YES

hummingbird: nhs plays the tragic bereaved ex with absolutely no actual rancor and approximately three dramatic swoons per hour, and this while everyone else is standing around having awkward polite chit chat over canapes

Gabriel: LWJ has come around to NHS with the slow and confused progress of going from "you're going to get to marry the love of my life and I hate your fucking guts on principle but also I'm aware of how unfair that is so I will reserve myself to quiet glares from the sidelines" to "you were one of very few people to maintain even a neutral stance on the love of my life and you seem genuinely sorry he's dead so I guess we're alone in that camp and I should at least consider you an ally" to "you brought the love of my life back to me, and then hit him with a clue-by-four and made him come propose to me and then brought us a large collection of porn for a wedding gift?????" with VERY little in between those three states.

Errant: WWX gives NHS a booklet and gets a dramatic public kiss. JZX assumes it is poetry. It is not poetry. He does not discover this until after gifting Yanli a small booklet of poetry (it is, at best, endearingly bad). He swipes the booklet WWX gave NHS for "inspiration" and not only gets an eyefull of gay porn with no warning whatsoever, but ALSO gets caught by WWX, who goes into dramatics about JZX only liking men and leading on perfect angelic Yanli

Errant: Also NHS and WWX bicker gleefully over who gets to have affairs with whom

Gabriel: "I think Mianmian seems like a gentle lover," NHS muses, three jars of wine in. "I want her on my list."

"You don't even LIKE women!"

"So???? Mianmian seems great! I would buy her nice hairpins and we could go dancing!"

hummingbird: wwx decides he wants someone on his list from each sect and they start fighting over mianmian, The Only Sensible Person In The Jin Sect

Errant: I ENDORSE THIS MESSAGE

Errant: EVEN BETTER

hummingbird: mianmian does not hear about this, but jzx does and is conflicted over whether he has to challenge wwx to a duel now

hummingbird: conflicted bc he WANTS to, but he always wants to so he can't tell if this is a reasonable response or not

Errant: ... NHS seems too twink for WWX to call er-gege loudly and in public but I mean. Would that really stop him.

Gabriel: They meet XXC and Song Lan and after they're gone, NHS leans over to WWX and whispers quietly, "So, since he's your shishu, I get dibs on Xiao-daozhang, right?"

"He's a priest, A-Sang!"

"What's your point?"

Gabriel: Counterargument, they BOTH call each other gege and it's making everyone around them insane.

WWX, pouting dramatically: "Nie er-gege, buy me lunch?"

NHS, flinging himself into WWX's arms: "Of course, Wei gege, what's your pleasure?"

JC, so red he could feasibly be mistaken for a lantern: "GREAT NEWS! I'M GOING TO KILL BOTH OF YOU!"

Errant: OH. GOLD STAR TO THE SECT LEADERS FOR MATCHMAKING THE BIGGEST PAIR OF PILLOW PRINCESSES IN THAT GENERATION

Gabriel: I MEAN? PRETTY MUCH?

hummingbird: nhs is constantly buying wwx ridiculous gifts and no one can tell if wwx actually likes having seventeen near-identical lavishly embroidered kimonos in different colors (that he rarely wears, largely bc he doesn't want to get them dirty while training) or if this is some weird elaborate game of chicken they have going

Errant: NHS tries to imply that he'll have an affair with JC if WWX isn't careful. WWX basically falls over laughing and goes YOU'RE WELCOME TO TRY IT DEAR

hummingbird: for like a week nhs takes that as a dare and puts in a valiant effort

hummingbird: wwx spends that week following nhs around and crying out in anguish and woe whenever nhs flirts with jc, dramatically concealing his definitely-not-grinning face behind one of the twenty-three painted fans nhs has given him to date

hummingbird: this is partly so he can watch his brother get increasingly furious and partly so he can step in and rescue nhs when jc inevitably actually loses it

Errant: Obviously the adults have shit gaydar (the boys were just convenient) but who's going to look at them and see right through them like Wow. That's not even slightly going to work as an actual romantic/ sexual relationship

hummingbird: shijie has known from like day 2

hummingbird: jc still has not noticed

hummingbird: he gets deeply offended whenever nhs flirts with other people

hummingbird: lxc, in his position as resident owner of the lan braincell, notices, but doesn't really know how to have a conversation about it with his brother

Gabriel: He resorts to just wingmanning WWX hard and assuming that eventually either LWJ will admit his feelings or WWX will notice his

Gabriel: It. Does not quite work out.

hummingbird: he keeps arranging for wwx and lwj to be placed in the same groups for training groups, only then whenever they get back nhs and wwx run dramatically into each other's arms

Gabriel: NHS takes a while to notice that the only person more viciously angry when he flirts with other people than JC is LWJ but hey listen he wants his fiance to have the best! Maybe if he flirts even harder with everyone under the sun, someday LWJ will be so outraged that he's driven to defend WWX's honor! Wouldn't that be romantic?

Errant: Does he start flirting with LWJ or?

hummingbird: nhs has planned out like eighteen different dramatic fights with lwj over his fiance, trying to figure out the exact right nuance of bowing out with grace and yet still fighting hard enough to show to everyone everywhere that wwx is a catch and lwj is lucky to have him

Errant: WOULD BE GREAT TO SEE HOW LWJ HANDLES ACTUALLY UNWANTED FLIRTING

Gabriel: NHS flirts with LWJ one (1) time, and it's the only time he ever sees WWX actually bothered by it. It's so jarring to see WWX's sun-bright smile flicker into something mildly pinched and frustrated that NHS drops the act immediately and asks if he's feeling unwell.

hummingbird: yes good

Errant: Okay but: who catches them in an extremely compromising position, maybe in their underrobes, b/c Nie Huaisang was trying to draw a porn position and couldn't figure out whether something was anatomically possible

Gabriel: Oh obviously it's LWJ. This is the this-universe version of him finding JC, WWX, and NHS drunk and roughhousing, right?

hummingbird: absolutely

hummingbird: he tells Nobody

hummingbird: his brother is worried about him for like a WEEK afterwards, thinks maybe he's caught a cold or something and won't admit it

Gabriel: It's not--it's not against the rules. It's disgraceful, to be sure, and a clear sign that NHS is not good enough for even such a rampant delinquent as Wei Ying, that he would seduce someone before they were even married, but they're engaged and it's not against the rules and he doesn't understand why he keeps seeing this flash of NHS yanking his hands off WWX's hips like he's been burned and the rumpled half-slipped collar of WWX's undershirt, showing a collarbone and a shoulder and the muscle of his chest and--

hummingbird: omg he goes straight to 'nhs is the real bad influence here'

Gabriel: LWJ is spending time in the cold spring for a different reason than healing, when LXC blithely sends WWX to find him. He hasn't been able to fucking concentrate on meditating since he saw--this is ridiculous, and offensive to his sensibilities, and a clear indicator that something is wrong with his golden core, so therefore: cold spring.

Errant: First line of defense: sword Second line: Cold spring Third line: panic

hummingbird: wen qing is also one of the people who notices very quickly that this is never going to hold water as a real relationship. she's too busy to really get involved in any of this nonsense, but somehow no matter how many times she explains to wen ning that they're not dating and none of their fights are real, he still ends up roped into their ridiculous break-ups and their even more ridiculous dramatic reconciliations

Gabriel: Wen Ning, sweet kind boy that he is, has been convinced three separate times that they are really genuinely having a permanent falling out, and even if they're not going to get together together he still wants them to be friends, okay, jiejie????

hummingbird: "every goddamn time" wen qing mutters to herself as she finds wen ning once again carrying notes between wwx and nhs in the dead of night. everyone is supposed to be asleep. she was out doing recon for her secret wen tasks, and her baby brother was supposed to be asleep, but instead he's out here catching his death of cold as he runs messages back and forth for these two MORONS

hummingbird: "but jiejie they're not speaking to each other! this is the only way I've gotten them to talk in three days!"

Errant: Consider: NHS has a moment of deviousness and convinces LWJ to spar with WWX so NHS can do "figure studies"

Errant: WWX is under strict instructions to make the positions as compromising as possible

hummingbird: absolutely devastating for all involved

Errant: They're sparring, they're sparring, they're sparring... HOLD THAT POSE. LWJ is basically pinning WWX to a flat surface (vertical or horizontal) they're both breathing hard and the tiniest bit sweaty and at first WWX is joking and laughing (maybe flirting! In front of his betrothed! Shameless!) But then there's one where he's just staring into LWJ's eyes and LWJ completely loses the plot

Gabriel: NHS's sketches of it are uh. Not Suitable For Public Viewing.

hummingbird: honestly he's not sure he should even show wwx

Gabriel: He and WWX have this in common, the being a good artist, and in this AU LWJ definitely hears NHS offhandedly mention that he wants to get WWX to paint one of his fans, have you seen how lovely his painted flowers are, Lan-xiong? And then maybe Huaisang could paint it with watercolors! WWX prefers black and white, anyway, wouldn't that look lovely? And LWJ can't even begin to define the rush of bitterness that almost blinds him, he just cuts a frigid glare at NHS and sweeps away before he can see the satisfied smirk that spreads over NHS's lips behind him.

hummingbird: oh nice

hummingbird: hmm. how much goading can lwj withstand before he just up and leaves? gets himself an assignment chasing monsters somewhere just so he won't have to look at huaisang's stupid face anymore

Gabriel: Well, after the whole cold pond cave debacle, LWJ can't leave, because he's been given a task, he has to carry the Yin Iron, and WWX is trailing after him (NHS told him to go) and when NHS joins them he can't get rid of him because he's the bane of LWJ's existence but also he is the brother of a sect leader and he could go crying to his brother and make Lan Xichen's life very hard.

#Untamed #MDZS #WWX #LWJ #NHS #Wei Wuxian #Lan Wangji #Nie Huaisang #Wangxian #Nonnie 101: Just My Type #RIP to anyone using the NHS tag for National Health Service #This convo happened two years and 4 days ago!#Fully from March 2020 I'm killin' it

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luvrlane · 3 years

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problems in the middle of the night | lhs, s

pairing. dom!bf!heeseung x fem!reader

warning/includes. GRAPHIC SEXUAL CONTENT, daddy kink, (slight) bulge kink, (slight) corruption kink, oral fixation, penetration, unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it), nasty piece of work. but there's a little bit of fluff in it if you squint lol. DO NOT engage in any way if you're a minor.

disclaimer. THIS IS ONLY A WORK OF FICTION.

heeseung wakes up with a breathy moan. his heart raced as did the tent in his pants. great, he's fucking hard.

he glanced over the nightstand beside his bed, clock showing it's 01:51 a.m, and if that isn't the worst thing, it's the fact that he had you in his erotic dreams and now he's hard. you, on the other hand, appeared to be sleeping peacefully beside him, blissfully ignorant to the problem he's currently having.

now what the fuck is he supposed to do? he couldn't go back to sleep nor abandon his hard on even if his life depended on it. he needs to do something about it and he'd admit, he was growing needy. a little help would suffice.

so he started out with his asking for help by kissing your shoulder blades. feeling up your sides, his lips moved to the length of your neck, leaving wet kisses all over his trace. the action made you stir in your sleep. you were a light sleeper, any small disruption is enough to wake you up.

heeseung's lips ghosted on the shell of your ears, pressing a gentle kiss before he called out to you ever so lovingly, "baby. baby," his voice was as gentle as his touch, coaxing you from your deep slumber. "baby, we've got a problem." he cooes, hands now reaching the valley of your breasts, giving one of them a light squeeze.

now you're awake. "heeseung, what is it?" drowsiness was laced in your tone. you fought hard to crack your eyes open. instead of giving you a verbal answer, he opted to pressing his dick onto your hips instead, guiding one of your hands to craddle the tent.

"i'm sorry, baby. i didn't want to wake you." the tip of his pointy nose was tickling your neck now, as he moved down from your ear back to your neck, pressing down light kisses on the expanse.

"but it couldn't be helped." though sleepiness was very much still clouding over you, you knew what he was asking you to tend to.

the amount of love you have for this man is insane.

if being needy wasn't enough, now impatience creeps up on him too. he couldn't wait to get his hands all over you. inside you. but he needed you to give him consent. "can i, baby?" heeseung asked, a little breathy.

a small smile made its way to your face. the limb that sat on his dick reached around until it transitioned to his hair instead. fluffy, fluffy hair, resembling a cloud. you gave it a light ruffle. heeseung naturally leaned more into your touch, loving the way your fingers feel on him. on normal days he's an absolute sucker for your pretty little fingers. he still do, even now, but there's a more preferred place he'd rather have your fingers on. so he asked again, "hm, baby? give me an answer, sweetheart. i need to have you. i want to fuck you nice and slow. right now, baby. i need you right now."

fuck. he was basically pleading. but he couldn't fucking careless. it's weird, you thought. even in this mood, heeseung was able to set butterflies in your stomach. you gave him a small nod, before you decided. "go ahead, daddy."

go ahead, daddy.

daddy.

he's fucked.

heeseung wasted no more second after you gave him an okay. you were already lying halfway on your stomach since before he woke you up, so he climbed over you, nudging your legs apart. your nightgown was riding on your ass now that he's had you spread out prettily for him. he pushed up a leg, and your heart started to drum.

lee heeseung will never not get your heart skipping a beat. even now, even when he's about to prep you, even when he's casting your nightgown to god knows somewhere in the bedroom. you never once uttered a complaint through it all. you let him get his way with you. not because he owns you. but because all the trust and devotion accumulated over the years you spent with him had proven its worthwhile.

so when heeseung spread your dry folds with his fingers, you whimpered. you have just woken up, after all. heeseung played with the nub, fingers never really entering inside you. "daddy.." you moaned out. the waves of pleasure is starting to arrive on the scene. heeseung had his face close to your cunt now, giving the plump lips a light peck, while a finger slowly eased in.

he intended to make you wet first, before anything. and his method so far is successful. a wet muscle licked stripes on your folds, it had you moaning a little louder this time. simultaneously, his one finger pumped in and out of you, while he's licking and sucking your bud.

and now, you're fucked.

your arousal started pooling around your pussy, due to his diligent fixation. heeseung eased a second finger, smearing the wetness around the lips of your cunt. "fuck, daddy. f-feels so good." fuck, fuck, fuck. it felt so, so, soo fucking good. honestly, fuck lee heeseung and his crazy oral fixation.

heeseung hummed a response. he sucked on your folds, with some of your juice sucked in too. his cock is even harder now. lord, you are the death of him.

then something pooled in your stomach. cum, you were going to cum. solely because of his fingers and tongue alone.

heeseung must've sensed this, the way your walls tightened around his three fingers now, as he had added another one just a little while ago. he raised his head, your juice daubed on his chin. "cum, sweetheart. cum on my fingers. then after this cum on my cock. over and over and over again." his words only heightened the feeling inside of you. your face contorted in pleasure, eyebrows knitted together as you bite down your pillow. your legs moved around hastily, you were unable to hold your cum no longer.

heeseung brought his face onto your pussy again. all it took was a lick over your folds, along with the nonstop draws of his thick, long fingers, and then you cummed. heeseung didn't stop his administration. instead, he slowed it down, helping you ride your orgasm. he smiled as he felt your walls are now much softer, more relaxed, ready to take him in.

heeseung withdrew his fingers out of you only to suck on them himself. tasting your cum, which he claimed as the sweetest ever. aside from your lips, that is. "good job, baby." he complimented you, and even with your face flushed out, he managed to get you blushing.

he rose up from his stance, blanket pooling on his legs, and he discarded his boxer, pulling out his god damn well endowed of a cock to give it a few slow stroke. you watched over your shoulder, pussy still spasming from the head he'd just given you. "gonna fuck you now, baby."

he didn't have to say that. if possible, your heart thrummed even harder than before.

with that, heeseung guided his hands onto your hips, pulling your ass back by a bit and raising them in the position he'd dreamt to take you tonight.

the clock is now 02:22 a.m.

he was showing no sign of stopping soon. in fact, lee heeseung had just gotten started.

your cheeks were smushed in the pillow now, given the position. "remember your safe words, baby?"

you gave him a confirming nod.

from there, heeseung pushed his fat cock into your hot, velvety walls. the two of you moaned in unison. the stretch was bearable, remember how he had prepped you with his three equally thick fingers. but it still stings. he was bigger than average, and longer too. god, you fucking love your boyfriend.

"look at it, baby. look how your pretty little hole is accomodating my cock. holy fuck. you're so hot." at this point, heeseung was a goner. "too big, yeah, baby?" though you couldn't see clearly, you could picture his stupid grin.

"too- too big.. but so good.." heeseung loved compliments. especially if it comes from you. especially if it's about him. especially if it's about how he's fucking you so damn sweet. honestly, fuck lee heeseung and his big, fat dick.

heeseung hasn't even entered himself all in. yet you feel so incredibly full already. you swear, you could feel him in your stomach.

he gave you few experimental thrusts at first, to make it easier for him to slide the remaining of his girth home. your moans took a higher pitch. "ah, ah, ah!" and lee heeseung fucking had the nerve to laugh.

your ass is hanging midair, and his dick is moving in and out of you. could this night get even better?

"breathe in and out, sugar. i'm going to bottoms up." you loved the way he's always, always giving you a heads up in whatever he's about to pull next. so you did as you were told, breathing in and out.

your toes curl when you feel heeseung pushing his hips tantalizingly slow into you, feeling every delicious stretch of his length, the veins protuding your walls. you couldn't close your mouth. you're all too fucked out now, and he hasn't even began fucking you properly.

"there we go. that wasn't so hard, was it? that's my girl."

that's my girl.

you're absolutely wrecked.

you were drooling. lee heeseung's dick had you drooling. whimpers were let out from you. you could feel every inch of him and he's filling you up so well.

then he rocked his hips. "daddy!" you yelped, out of both surprise and pleasure. "fuck, fuck! daddy!" the pool of blanket around his legs and yours began to follow his movement. he angled his hips a little higher as his arm rests on your the small back of your waist, pushing your ass down by a bit, and then he pistons inside you. you fucking screamed. "ahhh, daddy!"

"sweetheart. baby. sugar." heeseung groaned out. "your pussy. mine. mine." he punctuated his words with a set of hard thrusts. "only mine." he had you crying for real now. from the position the two of you took, the tip of his dick was abusing your sweet spot continuously. have you ever been fucked so good that you cried from pleasure?

"you. all of you. the whole of you." he declared. his dick is in your stomach now. you're sure of it. when he pulled out his cock, leaving the tip kissing your folds, he muttered, "you're only mine. all mine." and then he dived right back into you.

"yes! yes—ah! ah! y-yours!" you had to drag out the "o" and your hands are balling the sheets. "daddy!" he loved it. he loved hearing you scream. he loved fucking you good. he loved loving you. "and i'm only yours, sweetheart." he whispered, though midway through his sentence, he choked and grunted in pleasure. "until the end of time."

you couldn't contain your moans. not when your boyfriend's thick cock has made a home for itself in your pussy.

"so—good!" look at you. you failed to find it in you to form coherent sentence.

his pace had gotten quicker. he had picked them up, and your folds made a squelching sound from the collective arousal of you and your boyfriend. "uh, uh!" you attempted to wipe the tears from your face, but heeseung had interlocked his fingers with yours before you could even reach your eyes. his other hand was hoisting your hips up in an angle that presses down that exact bundle of nerves in you. your thighs began to shake.

"a mess. you're a me—ss." he stuttered in between his words. it only go so far to prove that this rutting is affecting him too. very intensely.

you let go of his fingers to reach around your back, placing your hand on his pelvis. "y—yellow.." you muttered out.

yellow. a change of position. he smiled and slowed his tempo down.

heeseung had set your bums down, with his dick very much still in you. then, he turned you around so carefully, until your eyes are meeting his. your hair has gotten all over your face, but he didn't mind. he took one leg over his shoulder, and bent down to press a quick kiss on your lips, your inner thighs burning at the action.

now, you're all in his view. your face. your perky, round mounds. chest rising up and down. the curve of your sides. your slick, wet core. still attached to his dick. if you glance down, you could see the wide stretch. luckily for heeseung, he didn't need to glance down, for it's all before him already.

heeseung left a peck on your leg, dangling over his shoulder. he took one of your arms, giving your knuckles a peck, too. and then his hips stirred. "..!" you weren't alarmed. "oh!"

your eyes almost screwed shut due to how deep he's hitting inside of you. the expression you had on was dumb, and there's only one person to blame: fucking lee heeseung. he abandoned his hold on your legs and fingers, his hands now clamming your sides, pressing you down on him.

"fuck, baby. look." following his order, your eyes trailed to where he's looking. your stomach. you could feel his dick moving. no, you could see his dick moving. that seem to drove him even further south. "fucking hell, sweetheart. your cunt is too tiny, the way it stretched at my width. and now i'm reaching your stomach. you're driving me crazy."

as if he wasn't driving you crazy too. you arched your back at his comments and his thrusts, chants of his name falling out of your lips. "da—ddy! ah, ah!" you dragged out the "a", your eyes rolling back. "slow—down!" heeseung's forehead creased, pounding into you like a mad man quelching his thirst, he was unavailable to comply to your request. your commands only made him set his pace quicker.

you're going to cum. heeseung is moving way too rapid, every drag of his cock are designated into assaulting your sweet spot. if you were drooling on your pillow before, now you're drooling in your face.

"eugh! da—ddy," your throat was hoarse from screaming. he could feel the way your walls closed on him. it made him choke, struggling to keep up with his own pace.

"yes, baby? what is it that you need?" the leg on his shoulder is shaking, and you're bucking your hips wildly.

"c—cum.. i need to cum.."

"then cum, baby. all over my cock." was all it took for you to spasm all around his length, coating them with your fluids. heeseung leaned down to leave kisses on your neck while you were chasing your high, muttering praises that were lost in the hazy feeling you were having from pleasure. "that's my girl. good job, baby."

heeseung's hips faltered into a series of slow thrusts. he lied about fucking you nice and slow. none of this was nice nor slow. it was intoxacting, all consuming.

you were in and out of consciousness when heeseung tapped your waist. "stay with me, sweetheart. we're not done yet."

the clock is now 03:49 a.m. on most days, heeseung is a man of words. he keeps his promises and says things from the bottom of his heart. but once in awhile, in cases like tonight, he felt like having a cheat day.

#enhypen hard hours #heeseung smut #heeseung hard hours #lee heeseung smut #enhypen smut

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littleoddwriter · 3 years

Note

I love your writing! I was wondering if you could write Jesse, Asa, and poly Ghostface with and autistic gender neutral partner please.

Slashers x Autistic!GenderNeutral!Reader | Headcanons

Thank you so much for the request and compliment, I'm glad you enjoy my writing. :) I really hope you'll like these Headcanons! [Fortunately, I'm 98% sure I'm autistic, on top of having BPD, which has great overlaps with Autism anyway, so I've done lots of research over the past years and yeah- I'm just saying that I am definitely not unfamiliar with it and I hope I did an alright job! I focused on certain aspects that I know pretty much every autistic person experiences to some extent at least and that I'm personally familiar with as is. <3]

notes; GenderNeutral!Reader; Stimming; Meltdowns; Sensory Overload; Special Interests & Infodumping; Routines; Semi-Verbal; Asa is autistic, too; Stu has ADHD; Dealing with Difficulties in Social Situations; Implied/Referenced Self-Harm (unintentional); Implied/Referenced Ableism; Implied Murder; Poly-Amorous Relationship.

Characters: Asa Emory/The Collector; Billy Loomis; Stu Macher; Jesse Cromeans/Chromeskull.

Asa Emory/The Collector

With Asa you’re lucky, since he’s autistic, too – so whenever you talk about your special interests, he’s not only listening attentively and engaging in an actual conversation with you; he also goes on about his own afterwards!

In addition, it was such a relief to not be forced to mask around him at all, and it was only later that you realised just how much less exhausted you were at the end of every day then

He obviously understands all the struggles you face better than anyone, and while it’s not all exactly the same for him, he can sympathise with you and help you out, just like you do with him

If you suffer from sensory overload, he knows exactly what to do – he turns off all lights, gets out your noise cancelling headphones and stim toys you might rather have instead of hurting yourself with more extreme stims you have at times like this

He handles your meltdowns really well, too – he always lets you ride them out and makes sure you know that you’re not alone and that he’s here for you

Some days you might not talk at all, and he couldn’t care less – he knows what it’s like, he is semi-verbal as is – and so you two have come up with a system to let each other know what’s going on; and you have prepared cards for more mundane things, while you otherwise resort to texting each other about more important and unique things

On the other hand, you also can’t shut up sometimes and generally he is okay with it; he actually enjoys the things you tell him, but when he needs to focus on his work it can be a bit distracting of course – still, he never holds it against you – he just tells you to be quiet and talk to him later, and you understand it; so it’s fine

The two of you also have a whole box full of different stim toys you both use, and it makes you incredibly happy to have a shared collection of them with your love – it’s almost strangely romantic

Since you’re both autistic, it was super easy to come up with routines that work really well for either of you when you moved in together – that way you never get in each other’s ways or upset one another

Billy Loomis & Stu Macher

Stu has ADHD, so he understands you better than Billy does in this department, but they both put in a lot of effort in knowing what boundaries you have, what they’re supposed to do in which situations, what you struggle with most, etc. – They’re happy to make accommodations for you

Sometimes Stu’s current hyperfixation is something in the realm of one of your special interests and so you just talk back and forth about it for hours, which can drive Billy a little insane, but he secretly loves just how passionate you two get, while he’s just sitting between you two and watching you go on about topic XYZ

If anyone at school or college thinks they have the right to mock you and these two witness it, or you tell them about it, you can be certain to not see that person ever again

They never make you feel weird or embarrassed about your stims, interests, or specific ways to do things – it’s who you are and they love everything about you, especially the things that others usually didn’t

Just like Asa, they are ready to help you out and provide for you, when you’re suffering from intense sensory overload – you’ve walked them through what is best for you in such situations and they’re really good at following what you said

Meltdowns, too – you’re never made to feel ashamed; they never treat you any differently and just let you ride it all out, as they comfort you afterwards and tell you that it’s alright

Even though they’re both very social, they never force you into situations you’re uncomfortable with and make sure you’re okay whenever you do come along to house parties, or meeting with several people at once – if you need to leave, they’ll go with you and comfort you if needed

Jesse Cromeans/Chromeskull

You tell him that you’re autistic pretty early on, and while he didn’t know too much beforehand, he does his research and lets you tell him how it affects you, etc.

He is incredible, really – he lets you infodump about your interests and engages in it via signing or texting you what he thinks; he is genuinely interested in whatever you have to say and admires your passion and the way your entire face lights up when you get to talk about something so important to you

He might not understand your sensory issues entirely, but he doesn’t judge you for them either – he gladly accommodates you in whatever way you need

He buys you stim toys you’ve been eyeing, but couldn’t afford by yourself; and he generally doesn’t make you feel bad about your stims and behaviours

In case you tell him about the ableist things people have told you before, and how they might have mocked you for things you can’t help, he gets angry on your behalf (he may target some of these people next, too – just for good measure)

If you happen to have a meltdown in his presence, he makes sure to not agitate you more; instead he assures you of his presence and comforts you when you need it – if you’re okay with cuddles and kisses, he’ll primarily use those to calm you down when the worst is over

He never gets in the way of your routines and always makes certain you can pursue them properly – he doesn’t want to cause you any distress

Whenever you may lash out because of sensory overload, he doesn’t take it personally or get mad at you; instead he asks what is causing the overload and accommodates you – especially in public; he’ll remove you from wherever you may be at that moment and comforts you to help you come down from it

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fanmoose12 · 3 years

Note

Hello would you mind writing vets as a music band? And that fans suspect the “normal” relationship of head vocal Levi and bassist Hange? Sorry if my english isn’t writing properly at all.

Mikasa invites him to a No Name concert.

And it's like- whatever, right? Who cares? Jean certainly doesn't.

So what if the girl of his dreams asks him out on a date? It's not like he has been daydreaming about it for the past two years. So what if she offers to see his favorite band in the whole world? He doesn't even like them much. Sure, he knows all their songs by heart but- he doesn't listen to them that often. Only twice or thrice each day. And it's not like his closet hides an insane amount of their merchandise. That is between Jean, his closet and his mother.

He isn't nervous, he doesn't care about the upcoming date. At all. Most certainly, he doesn't spend literal days, obsessing over his outfit. And he obviously doesn't pester Sasha and Connie with questions on how to style his hair.

Most importantly, he doesn't imagine how it would feel to hold Mikasa's hand or maybe even go for a hug or a kiss-

Jean tries not to think about it, his heart starts to beat to fast, when he does, but when he doesn't think about Mikasa, he starts thinking about No Name and the little, tinie tiny fact that he's going to see them in person. That he's going to meet them and maybe even shake their hand, because Mikasa being the gorgeous goddess she is, got them tickets with access to a backstage. It didn't require any kind of effort from her side, since the famed, spectacularly, dreamy Levi Ackerman is Mikasa's cousin, but- Jean doesn't remember sharing his No Name obsession with Mikasa, for obvious reasons - he doesn't want to think that he likes her just because she's Levi Ackerman's cousin, Mikasa is great not because she's an Ackerman, but because she's Mikasa, but- but Jean is so, so grateful that he'll have the chance to see No Name in all their glory.

Of course, he is not at all nervous about meeting his favorite band in person. No, no, he doesn't lose sleep over it, his palms don't turn clammy. Sometimes he feels like he'll combust from anticipation, but he's fine, completely fine.

He just can't wait until that fated day will come.

---

When that day rolls around at last, Jean is cool. He's cool, calm, serene.

His hand is greasy from all the times he touched his slicked back hair, and he can't stop tugging at the sleeves of his leather jacket, but- but he's cool.

The band that is currently playing isn't that bad - not nearly as talented and awesome, and hot as No Name, but still good. The crowd is bigger than Jean is comfortable with, but today it works in his favor because it prompts Mikasa to hold his hand. Maybe, he'll get that kiss after all. If he continues keeping his cool.

That proves to be just a little harder task when Mikasa announces that they reached the backstage.

Jean can't help it - he gawks around helplessly.

This is it, this is a place where miracles happen, where stars lounge and rest.

This is the place where he'll meet No Name.

Jean can't imagine how this meeting will transpire. Will they like him? Will they agree to make a photo? Will they give him an autograph? Will they think that he's a weirdo who is too obsessed with their music?

All of the above? None of the above?

Jean doesn't know.

There are so many things he wants to say. There are so many things he wants to ask - how can they play with those bandages on? How do they never trip during performances? What is their favorite song to play? What do they do in their free time? What is their favorite food? Are the rumors about Levi Ackerman and Hange Zoe-

Okay, no, he probably shouldn't ask that last question, no matter how much he wants to know the answer. And he wants to, so, so much.

The thing is- there are many rumors about No Name. It's not surprising, they are young, famous and extremely hot. These rumors usually exclude the drummer, Mike Zacharias, who is already engaged with a very pretty blonde lady, their stylist. Although, there are some fans who speculate that the engagement is not true, and Mike actually dates their producer, one Erwin Smith, but- Jean usually ignores that type of fans, branding them as freaks.

Now, as far as everyone is aware, nor Levi Ackerman, neither Hange Zoe are involved in any kind of romantic relationships, and that's- that's where the juicy stuff begins.

There aren't many rumors about Hange - some say she's involved with Pieck, the band's make-up artist. Or their manager, Moblit Berner. Or an indie artist, Onyakopon. But that's where the list ends.

Levi Ackerman, however, oh he has a far longer list of lovers. Petra Ral, for example, a rising pop-star - young, talented and so pretty that it hurts. Or Erwin, although on that subject rumors wary - some say that Erwin is the one who got Levi in showbiz, some say that Erwin is his sugar daddy, some say that they're already engaged and even married. The rumors are as varied as they're wrong, in Jean's opinion. Most rumors about Levi are like that. There are even talks about his involvement with Yeager brothers - with the front man of the rival band, Zeke, and Jean's and Mikasa's classmate, Eren. Jean doesn't understand where these rumors even come from, as far as he's aware, Levi hates them both. But- but rumors still exist.

As stupid as they are.

Now, Jean has a different opinion, one that he spends nights defending in chats and forums. Yes, Levi Ackerman has a lover. And no, it's not Petra Ral, Erwin Smith or any of the Yeager brothers. It's Hange Zoe, No Name's bassist.

There are many reasons why he thinks so. Firstly, they are always together. And by always, Jean means always. In photoshoots they stand side by side, during performances they lean against each other, on all kinds of photos - from after-parties to official events, they always touch each other in some way. And that's not all. They spend their vacations together, they hang out at movies, restaurants, museums, their respective instagrams are full of the other's candid photos. And it's a known fact that they share an apartment. Honestly, how much more obvious it can get? Also Jean is pretty sure that one of the songs written by Levi is about Hange, and he has an entire essay, explaining why he's right. He prays to every saint known that Mikasa will never find it. He doesn't want his almost girlfriend to find out just how invested he is in the romantic life of her famous cousin.

As they walk further and further into the magical territory of the backstage, Jean tries to think of something cool to say, something laid-back and easy like 'hey, what's up, guys? I've listened to the couple of your songs, you're not that bad...'

Yes, he decides. That's a good way to start. A cool way to start.

And Jean is cool. And calm.

And- oh my god, there they are, the three of them, already in their costumes, just without the signature bandages. They look even cooler in person. They look even hotter and-

Mikasa squeezes his hand.

"If my asshole cousin says something awful, I'll punch him in the face for you."

God, that is so sweet. So Mikasa. He wouldn't be opposed to anyone getting a punch from her except- her gorgeous cousin. His pretty face should be protected at all costs.

However, as they approach, the face that charmed millions transforms, turning into a quite nasty scowl.

"So that's him?" Levi Ackerman asks (Jean's sick brain, even in that moment, can't help but note that Hange Zoe is standing right behind her band member, a hand laying on his shoulder). "That's the guy you're going crazy about?"

"Yes," Mikasa answers, and suddenly the air grows stiff. "Do you have a problem with that?"

The lines around Levi's mouth harden, and Jean tries to focus on Hange Zoe, while his mind prepares for something not at all pretty, but- Hange is smiling - not smirking, smiling. That is a good sign, right?

"Don't mind the Ackermans," she stage whispers to Jean. "Levi was actually very excited about meeting you."

Right now it's hard to imagine that dark (and still so handsome) face in the expression of excitement, but. Hange knows him a lot more, right?

"Oh and by the way," she giggles, and at the back of his mind Jean wonders if that's how angels sound like. "I'm Hange."

He almost blurts out 'I know' but- that'd be creepy? Or not? He can't decide so settles on a simple nod.

"Jean," he says, taking the offered hand in his. With his hand that isn't holding Mikasa's (they're holding hands, wow!), he shakes Hange's. It's unexpectedly calloused. But still warm and gentle. Not as nice as Mikasa's but... somewhere very close.

"And that is the one and only Levi Ackerman," Hange continues, gesturing to the man in question. "He only looks so scary. But actually," she winks and lowers her voice. "He's the biggest softie you'll ever meet."

The biggest softie Jean has ever met, practically snarls, baring his teeth. But the hand on his shoulder tightens and he instantly relaxes, scoffing in annoyance. Oh, so that's who Hange Zoe is? The one who tames the beast?

"You're not as revolting as her other dates," Levi says. Jean is pretty sure that it was meant as a compliment. "But if you dare to-"

"Oi," Mikasa's face becomes as stormy as her cousin's. "He won't."

"And even if he does," Hange smiles, so handsome and a little scary. "Mikasa knows what to do."

Jean gulps. He has seen Mikasa train that one time. He was very impressed, and a little bit scared. Also a lot aroused.

He knows with ironclad certainty that should Mikasa kick him... his face may not survive it.

"Hange, Levi," a gruff voice behind them calls. Jean lifts his eyes, mouth opening in shock as he sees him in the flash - the third member of Non Name, Mike Zacharius himself. In person... he is even more enormous than on photos. His shoulders are twice as wide as Jean's, and next to Hange and Levi, he looks almost like a giant. "We're starting in five."

"Oh!" Hange covers her mouth with a palm. "I haven't checked my guitar yet. Let's hurry, shorty!"

Hange dashes away instantly, Levi sighs and trudges after her. Mikasa tugs at Jean's hand as well, whispering that they need to go to their places.

Jean nods, absentmindedly, because right in that moment, at the other side of the room he sees Hange and Levi exchange a playful, quick but undeniably a kiss.

Triumph courses through him, firing him up. He knew that he was right, those fuckers from twitter can eat his shit.

Hange Zoe and Levi Ackerman are truly dating.

He wants to know more, wants to ask Mikasa to spare the juicy details, but for now-

For now, Jean has to take care of his date as well.

He interlaces their fingers, and, keeping Hange's words in mind - Ackermans are not as scary as they look - he leans in to press a kiss to Mikasa's cheek and whispers,

"You look fantastic."

Ever so slightly, but Mikasa blushes. It's the best moment of the evening so far.

And, hopefully, there will be more of that.

#levihan #jeankasa #i guess???

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notmrskennedy · 4 years

Text

Noticed

Spencer Reid x GN!Reader

A/N - Howdy! Here’s another little something from my drafts. It’s a draft and a half again so be gentle with it. Also, I’m touch averse and I would be so happy to find someone I wasn’t upset with touching. But c’est la vie! I hope y’all enjoy!

Summary - The touch averse agent starts getting touchy....

W/C - 2.5k

Warnings - none I think, but lmk if there is something

-------------

If Morgan was being honest with himself, he thought you were dying. Or maybe ill. Or so feverish you’d abandoned every single principle you had. Because he’d been there that first day of yours, waltzing up from the coffee machine to see you nervously trailing behind Hotch. It was painful to watch, he remembers, so terribly nervous you’d envy the kid on one of his bad days.

He had smiled at you and stirred his coffee and remained optimistic that someone so obviously terrified would be a decent field agent. (You’d been decent and then some, especially in an interrogation room). There’d been one non-committal wave—distinctly reminiscent of a certain genius—and the first full sentence of, “I’m sorry, but I just don’t do the touching thing. Handshakes included.”

Every little touch plagues you. You’re six inches away at all times, lest someone accidentally bump into you or get the wrong idea that you might be willing to brush shoulders. There’s no friendly pats. No high fives. Certainly no hugs. Garcia is furious in her attempt to loosen you up—to no avail—but Morgan knows better than to push. Something makes you hate skin to skin contact and he’s not looking to share trauma stories with you. Not yet.

So this, Morgan thinks as he wanders into the bullpen while stirring his coffee, is a sign that you’ve lost your mind.

He watches as you carefully extend one palm to one Dr. Spencer Reid. Perched on the edge of his desk, you’re a regular fixture, just another cute figurine to add to the collection. It’s the end to some wild discussion he could hear in the kitchenette, full of flailing limbs and butchered sentences. Everyone always thought it was cute, if you stripped away how irritating it could be.

This is the point where you two are caught up in whatever moment you’re having, so much so that you extend an upturned palm between the two of you. Reid threads his hands through his hair, stunned at your peace offering. Or maybe an offering of something more than friendship. Morgan assumes its something more; not only because you have the softest grin he’s ever seen, but because your fingers are practically begging the kid to hold your hand.

Reid’s careful in how he asks his question—Morgan doesn’t know what it is, but he can just tell. The wide eyes. The scared contemplation. The are you sure parting the kid’s lips.

Grinning and blushing, you just wiggle your fingers. Murmur something that Morgan isn’t allowed to hear. Something only for Spencer. There’s surprise before he grips onto your hand, wriggling all ten combined fingers together. You giggle as you spin him around in his desk chair and get tangled up.

Dropped jaw and grinning, Morgan can’t believe you, so touch averse you, are willing engaging in such risky behaviour. There’s a weird few moments when he wants to remind both of you to wear protection in such endeavours.

And as he’s wondering if hands need condoms, the two of you let go and move on like nothing’s happened. You go back to punctuating your points with your flailing hands. Spencer goes back to distracting from his blush with paperwork.

Morgan goes to get more coffee, trying to stop imaging that you two were his kids, growing up without his consent. And maybe also the hand condoms.

It’s shortly after JJ’s wedding—about midnight as the cleaning crew are picking up the straggling drunks—both Hotch and Rossi notice. They’re leaned up against the bar, each smoking a cigar, watching a slightly tipsy you teach an awkwardly sober Spencer Reid how to swing dance.

It’s no secret that you and Reid get on like a house on fire, two nerds that couldn’t shut up about whatever weird ass shit was on your brains. Rossi never made much move to care. Hotch was too stressed to think about what the pair of you did off company time. Everyone, them included, imagined that what time you did spend together was three feet apart. In museums. Wherever. No one questioned what kind of weird nerd shit you did, especially stuff that they couldn’t really be bothered to care about.

Now, they’re forced to carefully consider the implications of how touchy you’re getting. With Reid.

He’s even more gangly and uncoordinated than normal, as Hotch and Rossi watch on, getting thrown around like a rag doll. It’s kind of adorable, Rossi thinks and shares a well meaning look with Hotch. The two of you would be cute and he’s hoping that you do get together. Rossi always knows about these things, even if Hotch is positive that you two are just friends. And as two professional gentlemen do, they made a bet.

Twenty bucks.

Your laugh—one that no one gets tired of hearing—echoes around Rossi’s whole yard, even into his house. Reid’s voice is about two octaves too high as you spin him around on his wobbly feet. You go from three feet apart to chest to chest and back again. Rossi remembers high school dances vaguely and Hotch absently thinks about Hayley’s old infatuation with Grease.

Rossi takes another long drag from his cigar, grateful for the indisputable proof that you two are shacking up. There is no way that two people so touch averse could be touching this much without prior exposure. The yard is a ruckus of both of your laughters, year after year of awkwardness falling off you both in sheets. They’re no denying you two shut in nerds are finally having some fun.

It’s warming both Hotch and Rossi’s hearts.

And their bet.

Penelope notices next. Who knew that such a simple interaction could leave her speechless? Stammering and stuttering over not even a full minute of insanity.

She didn’t know how she’d gotten sick, or what she’d come down with, but the only thing that was keeping her in her work chair was you. And the endless buckets of soup that you kept pouring down her throat. Without a case—thank god—for the last couple days, all that you’ve done is sit in the bat cave, keeping her and her soup warm.

It’s as you are finishing some corny ass joke that she thinks how sweet you are. How loving. Penelope’s love language has always been touch—she’s given too many hugs to count—but it’s taken her a minute to figure out yours. And as she stares into the chicken soup in her hands, she realises that it’s everything you do for her. Your love is literally palpable.

It’s in the bright keychains you bring back. Or the crazy pens. Or the way you always drive her home after drinking.

As she’s opening her mouth to tell you, tell you just how much she appreciates everything, when Reid pops his head in, whole body following. He’s got too much of a grin this early. But when he’s far enough into the room, he spreads his fingers out over your shoulder and squeezes. Says something about a case and you follow behind him with a wave of your hand at Penelope. Like it’s the most natural thing in the world.

Like Penelope hasn’t been the one furiously trying to break you out of your shell. The predetermined first to get a hug in the office.

You’re still up and still waving and by the time she’s got her wits about her, she’s asking, “You let Reid touch you?”

The empty room and the closing door don’t answer.

JJ is nearly the last to find out. Well, your little touching relationship with Spencer has been the only topic of gossip between anyone for the last six weeks. They can’t believe they hadn’t picked up on the little bits of affection passed between the two of you.

Hand touches. Shoulder squeezes. Quick brushes. The mystical hug Morgan claims he once saw.

For the rest of the world, you and Spencer were nothing but friendly. Maybe even best friendly. To the team of highly trained profilers who had been friends with the pair of you for a combined 15 years, this was marriage material. This was you and Spencer screaming the pair of you had eloped.

You two crazy kids had to be together, but the team was left to sussing it out for themselves. Neither of you two would ever say anything, never give anything up. But surely, the three of them—using Penelope would be cheating of course—could figure out when you two had started up. Because you had to have. There was no way all of this was just friendly.

And it isn’t. That much is clear when JJ gets a phone call from you while she’s looking a crime scene over for what feels like the gazillionth time. Some un-sub with the usual cocktail of daddy issues, anger issues, and a healthy dose of narcissism.

It’s rare you call anyone without good reason. You aren’t the type to just chat—everyone has speculated you got enough of that from Spencer. And once JJ says hello, you start bawling.

You’re sobbing and JJ has no idea what to do.

“Y/n, y/n,” she tries, hoping you’ll calm down enough to breathe properly. “You have to tell me what’s wrong.”

“It’s—it’s Spencer,” you hiccup. JJ can hear you sniffling into your sleeves. Can hear the blinkers go as you change lanes. “He’s not answering—not answering his phone. And he said he’d—that he’d call, but he hasn’t. And JJ something’s wrong.”

By the way your breath hitches and your sobs crackle into the phone, JJ knows exactly how bad it has to be. Spencer, however, is supposed to be following up a lead with Emily. Some paint huffer in his mom’s garage—nothing more than a routine witness report. She almost can’t believe something would go wrong.

“What happened? Where are you?”

“JJ,” you sniffle before the flood gates open again, “I can just feel it. Something’s wrong.”

JJ’s mind scrambles. As much as you played it off, you had a sixth sense. Every time, every countable time, someone got hurt, you knew before it happened. You had a gut for these things and JJ didn’t want to think about how bad this was going to be. How bloody. So she scrambles for her car and doesn’t wait for the other detectives to figure it out.

JJ’s halfway to the witness’s house when you make it there yourself. You’re still on the phone, doing a horrible attempt at trying to keep each other calm. You’ve traded the sobs for hiccups, thankfully. JJ can hear you climbing the porch stairs. She’s taking corners at 65 miles an hour.

Nothing seems fast enough when JJ hears the phone clatter to the floor and the shout of “oh my god, Spencer!”

Nothing is fast enough when you’re sobbing out, “You can’t die on me like this.”

Nothing is fast enough when JJ quietly but distinctly hears, “I love you too much for you to fucking die, Spencer Reid.”

Spencer Reid always thinks he’s the last to find out. He’s blunt and oblivious and thinks too much to just see what’s in front of his face. He was so sure they had all seen how in love he was, just how desperately he was clinging to the hope they wouldn’t notice. If they didn’t notice, you wouldn’t. Not while wearing the same sort of blinders he wore.

But once everything had come out? He was positive everyone else had known. That he’d come into work one morning and there would be a cake engraved with the words, “Congrats on Shacking Up!”

It never happened. No cake. No lights. No surprises. No one seemed to know or notice or anything. Spencer and you went on like nothing had changed—it really hadn’t anyway. He liked to laugh when you told him the two of you had been practically dating since the first time he’d offered to take you to a Korean film festival.

Two years later and he’s become very aware of you. And also the ache. All of the very dull and consistent ache in his body. Another scar to add to the collection, he bitterly thinks, out of anaesthesia enough to know that he’s in a hospital. That he’s been hurt. That someone’s holding his hand.

It’s calloused and soft and just perfectly latched onto his. A hand he’d waited to hold for too long. One that he’d be holding for the rest of his life.

Attached to the hand is you, sleeping haphazardly between his bed and a plastic chair. Your fingers are tangled in his, head rested on the crook of your arm and the bed. There’s too much of you curled up in a chair. It’s one of his favourite bits about you, just how dedicated you could be. How you were always there when he woke up and always would be.

He smiles and chuckles despite the pain in his ribs. You wake with a start, one startled gasp followed by a shuddery exhale as you realise again where you are. That nothing’s changed. That everything’s changed.

Through lidded eyes, he watches your eyes light up, matching you grin for grin. He watches the anger flash across your face for not even a second, and he knows exactly how bad you want to murder him for scaring you so bad.

Instead, you press frantic kisses to the back of his knuckles, message fully received. You missed him. You’d been terrified. You’d cried so hard, he can still feel the salt on your lips.

“Spencer,” you breathe, giving his hand one more kiss for good measure and pressing his knuckles to your cheek. “God, I’m so glad you’re alive.”

“I’m alive, y/n, I promise,” he whispers back. Hoarse and adorably okay. It’s one thing to expect to get shot going after un-subs. It’s another to get attacked by a PCP addled grandmother.

He wiggles a finger against your cheek. Even though he can’t see your red rimmed eyes or the dark tear tracts on your cheeks, he can feel the tear that pools on his finger. But before he can reassure you one more time, you shush him and tell him to get some sleep and that you’ll both worry about this later. Maybe over jell-o.

He grins.

The team, visiting the next morning, doesn’t have the heart to wake up either of you. Reid looks happy for the first time in—years—with you carefully curled into his side. Sure, there’s a scratchy hospital gown and some pesky lines overriding everything, but it’s cute. No denying that. Thank god you two knuckleheads are finally being open about it. Even if you’re sleeping.

Emily smiles to herself as she readjusts her sling. Morgan and JJ are trading exclamations of shock, while Hotch passes Rossi twenty dollars. You readjust and Reid’s arm moves to rest across your cheek. JJ isn’t subtle when she takes a photo, sniggering.

Emily is even less subtle when she snorts. “I guess I can finally let the cat out of the bag.”

Everyone perks up; she swears she sees Reid open an eye.

“Nearly six months ago, y/n drunkenly confessed to dating Reid. She’s a real wild card on tequila, let me tell you.”

“You knew?” Morgan screeches, “and you didn’t say anything?”

Emily shrugs, winces with her busted up shoulder. “Does it matter? Didn’t we all know?”

#spencer reid #dr spencer reid #spencer reid fluff #spencer reid x reader #Criminal Minds #mgg #mgg fluff #fluff

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emotions-ew · 3 years

Text

A Collection of Queer Country Artists and Songs for anyone who doesn’t feel like there’s country music they can relate to...

There is this idea that country music is like just Republican men singing about beer, and trucks and also Jesus, and that is kind of fair because loads of it is but there are some cool as hell queer/lgbtq+ country artists. Finding those and finding that representation in a genre of music I was literally raised on kind of changed my life in a tiny way and I wanted to share that.

(This is by no means a comprehensive list and also I’m basing the “Country” part of this sometimes on my subjective opinion/limited music knowledge so yuh please don’t hate me if I get some wrong)

Also link below for a Spotify playlist of my favourite gay/gayish country music, some mentioned in this post some not, (with a title that isn’t obviously gay for anyone who can’t openly listen to gay stuff on their public accounts for whatever reason) so feel free to skip the massive essay and just jump straight to that. And pretty please repost if I missed anyone/ any songs you love.

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7KB6PmUxnpkU7lih8Bysvw

Artists To Follow:

Chely Wright

- Right off the bat, Chely Wright is a legend and I’m in love with her. So, in the 90′s Chely Wright was kind of a huge deal. She started her career as a singer/songwriter and released her first album in ‘94, which was critically acclaimed although never reached the commercial success of her later works. By ‘97 she was really hitting her stride, dropping her breakout hit “Shut up and Drive” (a personal favourite of mine) followed two years later by the biggest hit of her career “Single White Female”. Throughout all that Chely Wright was, to the world, a good old fashioned, heterosexual southern gal. Privately it was a bit of a different story. She had public relationships with male country artists, all while pursuing a secret decade long relationship with a woman.

I hadn’t ever really heard a Chely Wright song until a few years ago so I never knew about her music or career pre-coming out but I do know that even though by the time she came out in 2010 she was by no means at the height of her fame Chely Wright is kind of one of the biggest names in country music to be out and proud (in my opinion) and I love her like an insane amount. I literally play her music in my car when I have passengers just so I can be like “fun fact this singer is actually gay-” and then subject them to a lengthy explanation of her entire career. She came out with an album and a memoir and the album is my favourite of her work because it’s so fucking raw and because I relate to most of it immensely. Anyways Chely Wright went fucking through it in her journey to being her authentic self and now she’s out and proud and married to a woman and they have a family together and I’m a fucking sucker for a happy ending and y’all should add her to every playlist you have. And on top of that her music is genuinely good. Coming out undoubtedly damaged her career but I think that

Brandi Carlile

- As far as I can tell Brandi Carlile has been out her whole career. I feel like this list is just going to be me saying “I’m in love with her” about a bunch of women old enough to be my mother but in my defence, I am honestly in love with her. She’s been making music since she was like, seventeen, and has had a bunch of massive hits, as a singer, songwriter, and producer. If you want to cry kind of happy tears listen to her performance of “Bring my Flowers Now” with Tanya Tucker. She’s won Grammy’s and CMT awards and she’s done it all as an out Queer woman. She’s also a founding member of The Highwomen, an all-female country music group who released their first album in 2019, comprised of Carlile, Marren Morris, Natalie Hemby and Amanda Shires. I really love this band because they’re four artists who are immensely successfully in their own right collabing, much like the Highwaymen, and their music is phenomenal while also being a fuck you to mainstream country music and their inability to properly represent women in country music spaces.

She’s been married to a woman (smoking hot and also brilliant) since 2012 and they have two kids together and if you want to cry (again) then you have to listen to her song “Mother” about her eldest daughter. A queer country artist absolutely worth adding to all your playlists.

Brooke Eden

- As I understand it Eden came out publicly in January of this year. She’s engaged to Hilary Hoover, who she’s been dating since 2015 apparently. I can’t even imagine the pressure that must be on a person and how stressful it would be to keep a relationship secret from the whole world for years and personally I think they’re a cute as hell couple and I wish them literally all the happiness in the world.

Brooke Eden has a few older songs that I think are really good, my favourite being “Act Like You Don’t”, and while her new stuff isn’t my usual country vibe I am a sucker for literally anything gay and it is legally my gay duty to stream any song that she releases to support my fellow queer. It’s quite different to anything Wright or Carlile sing but I actually kind of love that because it shows that country music of all different shapes and sizes and styles can be sung by queer artists.

Amythyst Kiah

- Okay so I am a very new listener to Amythyst Kiah, but her music is literally so beautiful it would be a straight up sin to not include her on this list. Her music is country-blues-roots esq (more roots than country, I think?) and her voice is so unique. She grew up in Chattanooga and has been playing music since childhood. She recently made her Opry debut which is fucking awesome. She also belongs to a band called Our Native Daughters, described as “A supergroup of Black women in traditional music”. Their debut album “Songs of Our Native Daughters” did numbers and I haven’t listened to the whole thing but my favourite so far are “Black Myself” and “I Knew I Could Fly” so y’all add that to your playlists along with “Wild Turkey” by Amythyst Kiah because holy hell her voice on that will blow your mind.

Steve Grand

- The first man to make this list, he should frankly be honoured. Grand has been an out and proud gay man making country music since like 2013, and I have so much respect for an artist who chose to simply never be in, choosing instead to simply write gay ass songs about being in love with men and letting the chips fall where they man. His music is always going to have a special place in my heart and, he’s cute so if you’re into men and music by men give him a google. add him to your playlists, his All-American Boy album is literally just a dozen songs that are perfect to yell-sing along to.

Katie Pruitt

- Not hugely knowledgeable on Katie Pruitt but her music makes me feel crazy intense emotions and is absolutely gay

Honorable Mention Artists I haven’t Really Listened to But Who I Know to be gay thanks to google and might be your thing so totally check them out:

Brandy Clark

Ty Herndon

Shelly Fairchild

Lavendar Country

Trixie Mattel

Cameron Hawthorn

Drop any other names of artists or songs you know of

Specific Songs That Make Me Fucking Cry or (in good and bad ways (but always in a gay way)) or basically are just gay as hell:

If She Ever Leaves Me; The Highwomen

- So, this album came out about a week before my first (and only) girlfriend broke up with me. The general gist of the song is a woman singing about how her loved isn’t ever going to leave her but if she does it sure as hell won’t be for a creepy man in a bar. A little ironic that I felt I related to it so intensely, considering she did in fact leave me. There’s this one lyric that goes “I’ve loved her in secret/I’ve lover here out loud/the sky hasn’t always been blue” and my girlfriend and I were crazy deep in the closet so I drew her a cute little picture of a grey cloud and on the back I wrote that lyric and I gave it to her and to me it was kind of a promise that one day I’d get a chance to love her out loud and even though I never actually did this song is forever going to make me cry because of the little bit of hope that lyric gave me and the way it’s inclusion on this overwhelmingly mainstream country album made me feel like acceptance was just that little bit closer.

All American Boy; Steve Grand

- Definitely one of the first gay country songs I ever heard, and Steve Grand didn’t once sacrifice a scrap of country for the gay. It’s beautiful, it’s a little sad, it’s hopeful. It’s forever going to hold a special place in my heart and the music videos is kind of one of my favourites ever. I found this song before I found myself and the way it made my heart warm should have been a stronger sign than I took it to be.

Like Me; Chely Wright

- When you love someone you kind of make it your mission to know them in a way that no one else can. This song by Chely Wright is sort of an ode to that, and how even once you lost someone, you’re still going to know every little thing about them. On top of that it sort of speaks to the idea that all these things Wright learned about this woman, she learned in secret and she knew her and loved her in secret and now that they’re gone from each other she’s left with all of this knowledge and all of these questions and no one to answer them. I love the way it’s so slow and the melody and her voice, the way it’s low and a little raspy, make this one of my favourite Chely Wright songs.

The Mother; Brandi Carlile

- Sorry but a song about being a mother by a queer woman is going to make me cry every time and actually I’m not that sorry. It’s quite a simple song, if any song written by Brandi Carlile can ever be described as ‘simple’, it’s an ode to her daughter. My favourite line is “you are not an accident/where no one thought it through” because it speaks to the fact that in order for queer women to have a kid together they have to want it so damn bad and also I just like the way her voice sounds on that line. This song is also the perfect thing to listen to if you ever for a second feel like being gay/queer is going to stand in the way of you having a family because it absolutely doesn’t have to and if that’s something you want, you can have it. Don’t let people try and convince you otherwise.

Loving Her; Katie Pruitt

- Unapologetic gay love. Opening a song with “If loving hers a sin, I don’t wanna go to heaven” is a fucking baller move and she went there. The lyrics are beautiful, and her voice is phenomenal. It could be a sad song, about confronting religious repression and grappling with what that means for your love, but instead its triumphant. Katie Pruitt doesn’t give a fuck if you have a problem because she’s going to write songs for her lover.

Jesus From Texas; Semler

- Not actually totally sure this is a country song, but it has the words ‘Jesus’ and ‘Texas’ in the title so I feel safe including it in this list. Honestly, I don’t really know why I relate so hard to this song. Like, I wasn’t really raised with religion, so I don’t know what it is about this funky little tune that makes me want to sob but there’s something about this tune that makes me want to do whatever the opposite of get up and dance is, but like, in a good way.

Lovin’ Again; Steve Grand

- Breakup song that ends kind of positively? So good to sing along to at high, high volumes. The idea that losing someone doesn’t have to mean losing yourself and just because you can’t love them doesn’t mean you’re not ever going to love again. But also kind of about how it’s hard to get over someone, I don’t know it’s just good.

Cryin’ These Cocksucking Tears; Lavender Country

- Jesus christ if this isn’t the coolest shit I’ve ever heard in my life. Sorry but a gay country group formed in 1972 who dropped possibly the first gay themed country album, and this was the title of one of the songs. God I am in love.

Songs that (to me) are a little fruity or that I just relate to in a gay way:

Picket Fences; Chely Wright

- Chely Wright is gay but this song came out long before she did and when she wrote it, it wasn’t supposed to be gay which is why it’s in this section and not the previous. The reason it’s included at all is because frankly ma’am, Mrs Wright, it’s a little fruity. And I feel a little bad for joking because honestly to me, the way I hear this song and knowing the context (that Wright was deeply closeted at the time she wrote and released it), it’s kind of just sad. The general gist of the song is Wright asking what’s so great about a traditional lifestyle anyways. It could be read as a woman genuinely questioning why we push that expectation that she’ll have two kids and a husband and a picket fence lifestyle, or even could be read as a woman who’s trying to deflect how much she does in fact want that, you have to listen and form your own opinion. But to me, it feels like a woman who’s desperately trying to justify why she doesn’t want that life not because she can’t have it, but she knows it will never be right for her. I don’t know it’s hard to explain I just feel like this song is a little bit gay even though I’m sure she didn’t intend that.

Sinning with You; Sam Hunt

- Sorry but this song is gay. Sorry but you can’t write the lines “I never felt like I was sinning with you/Always felt like I could talk to God in the morning” and “if it’s so wrong why did it feel so right” and “But I never felt shame, never felt sorry/Never felt guilty touching your body” and not to mention the opening line of “raised in the first pew/praises for yeshua/case of a small town repression”, and expect to not sit in my car sobbing as I realised that while I never felt like what we did was a sin she absolutely did, and wishing I could have told her that I was sorry for making her carry the weight of both our souls but also that it wasn’t a sin and nothing in the world could feel that good and be that bad and it isn’t right that she had to be so ashamed of something that was just so good. Sam Hunt actually said after he wrote the song that while it was reflection on his own relationship with faith he genuinely hopes that people in the lgbtq community can like find comfort or whatever in his words and like go off king, we stan an ally.

How do I Get There; Deana Carter

- This ones easy, it’s about falling in love with your best friend and suddenly realising you want more than just friendship with them. Sorry Deana, that’s gay. In my Deana Carter of like Year 10 I played this song on repeat and screamed along to the lyrics as though singing it hard enough would make her like me back.

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astaroth1357 · 4 years

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Demon Brothers First Dates!

The fluff levels are reaching new heights… I might have to write some angst pretty soon to reset my palette. Get any more saccharine and I’m going to end up writing Sunday school specials... 🙄 If anyone has any darker suggestions, hit me up.

Check out the Masterlist for more!

Lucifer

Wanna bet that he’s going to shower them luxury for the evening? The Avatar of Pride doesn’t settle for anything less than utterly obliterating what his competition could offer.

Spending money like Mammon if he won the lottery. Usually he’d be less flippant about price tags, but he needs to seem like he’s on top of the world tonight. His ego’s on the line after all.

Not above asking the MC if there’s any place in the world, Devildom or human, they’d like to see and just taking them there. No objections accepted. You want go to Paris? Then we dine in Paris, get your coat.

Gifts. Gifts. Gifts gifts gifts. Nice ones. Very shiny. Big gifts make them feel special and remind them of him when they see/use them. Better get that subliminal messaging started ASAP. They are his.

Engaging dining conversation, but may bring up work/Diavolo/or the Devildom more often than not. Man just can’t stop thinking like he’s on the job sometimes...

All the brothers would kill to know what happened/what was said but he forbids them from saying anything about it. The night can stay just between them.

Mammon

It is going to go wrong. Somehow, in some way, it will blow up in his face spectacularly. But this is still Mammon we’re talking about so it’s probably going to be a fun ride regardless.

Go to the casino, lose everything, and run like hell from angry employees after causing a scene? That’s on the table. Trying to have a romantic night, getting crashed by some XYZ person who he owes money to, then going through shenanigans to try and avoid them? Equally likely. Things just not working properly to catastrophic levels? Like it’s etched into fate itself.

No matter what trouble follows this boy everywhere. You ride with him, you ought to be down for that. But if chaos is the MC’s domain or they just like to collect funny stories, it will probably be a great time! At least in hindsight, anyway.

He’s not particularly romantic, but will be generally up for doing right about anything that the MC wants to do within reason (of course, he’s a pushover too). He probably doesn’t have a plan before they go and may just wing it based on how they’re feeling and what’s available.

Considering there is no way the date will end in the same state it started, though, maybe no plan is the best plan. Just enjoy the ride.

Leviathan

Honestly lowkey thought that all those times they would play games together/watch marathons were dates so oof. Poor boy doesn’t even know how behind he is.

Once he’s aware that no, Mario Kart does not qualify as a date night, he will try to think of things that do but mostly still in or around the House.

He might suggest the kind of cheesy things he’s picked up from his mangas/dating games. He'll try them earnestly so it would still be a sweet time.

It’s going to take some insane “Love-Sex-Magic” to actually get this guy to plan a date that goes outside of his comfort zone (i.e. in the real world). He must be either head over heels or one of his brothers challenged him to pull it off. No matter what, it’s not going to be his first choice.

If he had to think of something, it would somehow be water-based because that’s the only other thing he’s going to cling to when he can’t be in his safe space.

A beach date would actually be perfect for him. He could show off his swimming skills, make a sand suclpture with them, and introduce them to Lotan! He won’t bite, er... as long as he’s around? Probably?

Satan

Want some old-fashioned romance? This is your guy. Satan sees love like it’s out of a romance novel so make of that what you will.

Ever polite and downright princely at times. You’d never know that he was the Avatar of Wrath until things just stop going to plan or some poor waiter tries to sass him...

The kind of guy to go for dates to an art gallery or an out-of-the-way coffee shop. Some place quiet where the main focus is on conversation or intellectual discussion. But, oh, he doesn’t just want to talk. He wants to learn and the subject is MC.

Won’t settle for small talk but isn’t looking for a life’s story either. He wants thoughts, opinions, and knowledge. What do they think of the Devildom? His brothers? How do things there compare to the human world? What’s it like there? Etc., etc.

If there is anything that they’re particularly skilled/knowledgeable in then he wants to know all about it. Lowkey sapiosexual vibes. Smarts are a turn on.

Would honestly be okay going to almost anywhere as long as he’s with them and can enjoy their conversation. Expect traditional romantic elements like flowers and candles, but really it’s the mind he’s after.

Asmodeus

He wants to Show. Them. Off! If they’re on a date then the world has to hear about it. He just thinks they’re that amazing!

Need help getting dressed for the occasion? He’s got them covered! He doesn’t see any issue in couples shopping, dressing, makeup… other things...

Yeah, they better keep a leash on this one or they may miss a reservation or three.

Knows all the best places in the Devildom like the back of his hand. Want to go dancing? He’s a regular at all the clubs. Want good drinks? He knows five places for that already. Great food? Babe, he’s second only to Beel in that department too!

Will spend the whole evening being very attentive and making sure they’re comfortable and having fun. The man loves seeing smiles, especially the ones he causes!

Okay. We all know where he ideally would like the date to end *cough*the bedroom*cough* but won’t pressure the matter… any more than usual. But oh would he be happy if it got there. And he’d make sure they’re happy too. 😏

Beelzebub

They’re going to eat and they’re going to eat WELL.

We��re talking a spread fit for royalty because he would totally ask Diavolo if he could borrow Barbatos for the evening. Food from the best chef in the Devildom and time alone with the MC for a night? Talk about a spot of heaven in literal Hell!

Of course, his thoughts aren’t only on his own stomach. He genuinely wants them to have a good time too.

Will probably take them to their favorite places in the Devildom or any places where they share good memories together. He wants to remind them of just how happy they make him as much as possible.

A lot of closeness the whole night: hand holding, hugs, and cuddles. It’s not for any possessive or territorial reason, he just likes having them close in that comforting sort of way.

He’s not exactly a deep conversationalist, but he’ll make up for it in actions and just the amount of heart he puts in the few things he says. Oh, he’s one of the best listeners on the planet though so the night doesn’t have to be quiet on their end.

Belphegor

You’d think he’d be too lazy to plan a date but not so. It actually takes a lot of planning to find a way to completely ditch his brothers without any of them knowing/finding out. Even Beel has to be out of the loop.

Wherever they’re going, he wants it to be just the two of them and stay that way. It’d take just one run in with Mammon or Asmo for them to gain a tag along that Just. Won’t. Leave.

Like Satan, he prefers quieter places but that’s just because he hates being in noisy environments. He’ll go for places that may not have a lot going on, but are visually quite stunning like the botanical gardens or rooftop views.

Expect a picnic, maybe a little stargazing. He probably already knows some pretty peaceful places in the Devildom that he uses just to get some space from his brothers.

If he’s going to sleep during the date, he’ll either make sure it’s okay first or it will be an honest accident. He won’t just pass out on them to be a troll for once.

Maaay try to get them to take a nap with him. Straight up sleeping might be considered an odd date activity, but really it’s an excuse to hold them as close as he wants with no interruptions. Be careful, or he might hold them there all night.

#obey me #obey me shall we date #shall-we-date-obey-me #obey me headcanons #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me leviathan #obey me satan #obey me asmodeus #obey me beelzebub #obey me belphegor #the fluff is reaching critical mass

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a-froger-epic · 3 years

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Can you please give a few tips on how to write? Anything you find helpful would do

Gladly!

Firstly, writing takes conscious practice.

Like any other skill, like playing an instrument or a sport, the more you write, the better you become. That's a simple way of putting it. But just like you'll never really improve if you only ever sit down to play the one song you know how to play on the piano, you won't really improve your writing very much if you don't write consciously. What do I mean? What is there to be conscious of when writing? 1) Show don't tell.

You understand the story you want to tell. It's in your head. But what you want to do, to engage your reader, is to show it to them the way you see it rather than to just tell it. An example:

Freddie felt frustrated to the point of tears because Roger just didn't understand him. “It's not that easy,” he said. “It's not that hard,” Roger uttered, equally hurt and upset that Freddie found it so incredibly difficult to just admit that they had feelings for each other.

Now, there's nothing technically wrong with this bit you just read. You're telling the reader what's going on, you're telling the story - but that's just it. You're telling the story. Let's see what happens when you try to show the story instead:

Freddie's eyes stung with unshed tears as he drew a shaky breath, hands clenching and unclenching by his sides. “It's not that easy.” For a long moment, Roger looked back at him, his jaw tense and eyes glinting in the yellow-tinged light of the naked bulb hanging from the ceiling. “It's not that hard,” he uttered, and brushed past Freddie on his way out of the room.

So, what's changed? On the one hand, you're giving the reader less information. You're no longer spelling it out for them. Will they understand why your characters are acting the way they do? Hopefully. But also, it doesn't matter. Because by leaving it up to the reader to interpret their words and actions, and what is behind them, you have made your reader think. They are now actively engaged in the story, rather than just passively consuming information. You have their full attention. Also, you've given them a stronger visual of what is happening, rather than why, which creates a reading sensation as though they're watching a movie in their head.

Of course you can tell sometimes. Brian was furious - can be a strong and necessary statement. But generally, try to show and not just tell your story, and trust your reader to interpret it. They won't always interpret things the way you want them to, but that's okay. It can be a different story to them than it is to you.

2) Structure, grammar and punctuation.

Boooooring.

Yes, I know. You just want to tell a story, people will get it. Is it really so important if all the commas are in the right place? No, of course a few missing commas or a bit of questionable grammar won't make much of a difference.

But.

Yes, it does make a difference. Just like this little writing advice post would be much harder to read if it was all one block of text, you are making your story harder to digest for your reader if it's visually badly structured and full of weird punctuation and grammar. And no, you don't need to have a beta reader. I personally use this language tool extension for Chrome, which I find quite helpful. It's free! Otherwise your readers' brains are constantly tripping over mistakes they might spot or things that don't immediately make sense. It's like walking on a rocky path. Why not pave that path properly and make it easier to follow the story?

3) Does this add information?

One of the most helpful things to keep in mind for me, personally, is asking myself with every sentence - sometimes even every adjective I feel inclined to throw into a sentence - if this adds information for the reader or if I'm just unnecessarily rehashing something they already know. And then I ruthlessly end up cutting things, much as I'd love to waffle on about them self-indulgently.

Being aware of this really, really helps with the flow of a story.

These are the main things I like to be aware of while writing. These are the things I constantly try to improve on while writing. Secondly, read, read, read and don't try to reinvent the wheel!

You have your own favourite stories, I'm sure you do. And if you stop to really think about it, you'll see the bits which make them so engaging and so well-written, in your opinion. Steal those bits. No, not word for word, of course not! That's plagiarism. What I mean is, figure out what it is that you love about the stories you love, and teach yourself to do the same. You don't need to find some novel way to write that is unlike anybody else. DO copy other people's styles to learn from them. DO try to mimic you favourite writer's way of telling a story. Equally, try to stay away from purple prose to be original. Eyes are just eyes, they're not glossy, (insert unheard-of colour) orbs. It's perfectly fine to keep on using your characters names, there is rarely a need to keep referring to them by their age, hair-colour or complexion. (I'm notorious for this myself in some of my writing from only a year ago, still, I've been learning!) No, it's not likely that one of your characters thinks the other smells like three different specific things at once. Sometimes, it's perfectly fine for character A to just love the way character B smells and want to inhale deeply.

Thirdly, don't be a stickler for rules. I know, I just gave you a whole bunch of rules, but don't look at them like rules so much as guidelines. And feel free to ignore them. Writing is great, often times, when it doesn't do what the reader expected it to do. When a story doesn't end the way it usually does. Subvert expectations. Don't stop yourself from throwing a thought into your character's inner monologue that feels absurd or crass, people have strange thoughts all the time. Let the fictional people in your story be as nonsensical and strange as people often are, and let your story be as random as life sometimes is. Not everything has to be perfect or as it "should be", in your story.

Lastly, don't ever, ever, ever write what you think people will want to read. If that is the reason you're sitting down to write, just stop. Don't bother. You won't have fun, you are setting yourself up for disappointment and you're putting insane pressure on yourself. Write because you simply have to tell this story. Write because it gives you joy. Write because it's a challenge, because it's exciting, because it's fun.

#long post #writing advice #ask response

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beckydoesthings · 3 years

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various fics of hxl that i adore reading! this list is quite lengthy, but feel free to message me if you have any questions!

*will continue to be updated. also, if i mistagged you, i apologize, i do not know how to tumblr*

Love Is a Rebellious Bird

E | 134k | @100percentsassy and gloria_andrews

AU in which the boys still make music. Louis is the concertmaster of the London Symphony Orchestra, Harry is the New! and Exciting! interim conductor/ex-cello prodigy who "has made Mozart cool again" according to Esquire Magazine (Louis hates him immediately, which is definitely why he internet stalked him in his dark bedroom late at night that one time), and Niall is the best. Zayn and Liam are around too.

Don't hum Bolero.

i think this tickled every bone of my musical self and also made me cry (are you seeing a theme here??) one of the first fics i fell in love with and one i keep coming back to.

Collision

E | 226k | @tequiladimples

Mythology/Fairytale!AU in which Louis is a dainty fairy with a temper who wants to be intimidating and Harry hurts people. Naturally, they hate each other.

(Featuring Liam, the big and not-so-bad wolf who’s got a thing for humans, Zayn, a human with supernaturally good looks, and Niall, the cupid who just wants his job to be easier.)

the world building in this one is insanity - so much good mythology mixed in and it made me screech with joy. i think i can firmly say that i did not expect where the plot went, but that made the story so much better.

Flour and Chocolate

M | 145k | @danosphere91

It was nice, for a bakery he supposed.

Then he approached the display cabinet.

And the foreboding slammed into him. Because every product had letters next to it. Letters. GF, DF, V, O, VGN.

What. The. Fuck?

Lifting his eyes to the chalkboard menu spread across the back wall Louis felt physically ill. ‘Gluten-free’, ‘organic’, ‘vegan’, ‘paleo’, ‘dair-…’ Wait, what the fuck was a paleo? He had entered some hipster-trash establishment and it was more than time to get out.

Louis is a single dad and Harry works at the newly opened bakery down the street.

the miscommunication in this fic is SO REAL and makes for a good read. the rest of the flour and chocolate series is also fantastic. i thoroughly enjoyed both the ziam and ed/niall arcs that bring the whole story together.

run away home

E | 106k | @hattalove

Louis stands, in the middle of a clearing with his hands in his pockets, and stares. This boy—God, this gorgeous, gorgeous boy. He seems so clumsy, confused at the best of times, but there’s a wisdom about him as he speaks, a maturity that belies his age.

Louis is hopelessly, wildly attracted to him.

or, louis is a successful jockey down on his luck, struggling to get his life back on track after an injury. harry has a horse, a house fit for a prince, and a broken heart.

it takes them a while to figure out that they need each other.

this makes my inner horse girl extraordinarily happy - even if i don’t know anything about horse racing. louis’ story in this is beautiful and makes the whole piece worth a read.

waiting for the tides to meet

E | 60k | @nauticalleeds

Louis lets out a deep breath, thinking about Harry’s soulmate. Thinking about how Harry’s soulmate is probably as beautiful as Harry, some person that Louis cannot compare to, and how the universe has chosen them to be Harry’s. Fuck the universe. “Fuck you,” he calls out to the universe. He’s aware of how crazy he sounds.

Maybe he is crazy, with how he’s falling for Harry. And fuck that, too.

Soulmate AU. Everyone is born with heterochromia — one eye is their own eye colour, while the other is the colour of their soulmate's. It's only when they meet their soulmate for the first time that their own eyes match properly. After a hazy night at a frat party, Louis wakes up to blue eyes and the shocking realization that he had met his soulmate, without any sober recollection. Seven years pass where Louis comes to terms with the fact that he'll never know who his soulmate is. Then one fated summer, a beautiful green-eyed photographer arrives at Louis' workplace, with promises of endless laughter and a familiar feeling in Louis' heart.

Featuring a lovely cup of OT5, a road trip down the coast, and a scene where Harry eats a whole head of lettuce. Don't ask why.

gorgeous soulmate AU that gives me summer cruising vibes. worth the read for the lettuce scene alone (i kid, i kid)

Do Not Go Gentle

E | 70k | @afirethatcannotdie

“This is all a game to you, isn’t it? Well, it’s not for me. This is a real life or death situation,” Louis says, spitting the words at him. “And I just don’t think you’re cut out for it.”

For a moment, they stare at each other in complete silence. Harry can feel his blood thrumming between his ears, can see Louis glaring at him, feels red-hot anger. And then all he feels, oppressively and desperately, is lust.

Suddenly Louis is surging up to him to press his lips against Harry’s. Harry walks the two of them backwards, pressing Louis back against the door. Louis oomphs in surprise and brings his hands under Harry’s scrub top, scratching at his lower back.

“Lock — oh — lock the… fucking door,” Louis mutters.

When Harry Styles starts his first day as a surgical intern, he expects a lot of things: to treat patients, to observe a surgery, to feel a bit overwhelmed. What he definitely doesn't expect, however, is that the handsome guy he kicked out of his bed this morning is also an intern.

A Grey’s Anatomy AU where tensions are high, Harry and Louis are hooking up in secret, and no one has time for love. Or do they?

okay i’ve watched maybe 3 episodes of Gray’s Anatomy, but i feel like this encompasses the vibe of the show: medical stuff with a hefty dose of angst and sexual tension

Falling For Me Won’t Be A Mistake

M | 58k | @all-these-larrythings

Harry is married to his job and so overworked that he doesn't know how to stop. All it takes is a forced Hawaiian get-a-away, the warm tropical breeze of the island, and the most beautiful, elusive man he's ever seen to make him remember what living is like outside of work. Well, that, and the little souvenir he accidentally takes home with him.

one of my favorite mpreg fics so if that’s not your cup of tea, then don’t read it. i love surgeon harry with a vengeance, but honestly Gems and Niall are iconic in this one.

Watching the World Fall

E | 11k | @crazyupsetter why won’t it let me tag :(

This segment has been going on long enough that Louis knows what’s coming before James starts in on it, trying to sell him on something he knows that Louis wouldn’t normally be buying. But there’s four cameras surrounding him, and an audience watching him expectantly, so if Louis wants to continue convincing people that he’s doing just fine, he’s going to have to go along with it.

“We have a whole host of single men backstage waiting to meet you, Louis,” James tells him. “We want to help you find love tonight, on Late Late Live Tinder. Is this okay? Do you want to play?”

It actually kind of makes sense that his first date after the break-up is going to be just as public as said break-up. Something like coming full circle.

“Alright, James,” Louis agrees, hopping down off his stool.

“Okay, come down to the stage,” James says. Louis can’t even tell whether the excitement in his voice is genuine or not. “Right now, come on down!”

i have a soft spot the size of Antarctica for Late Late AU fics (we stan James Corden) and for exes to lovers so this checks all the boxes.

autumn leaves

E | 27k | @suspendrs

“Brave?” Harry frowns, caught off guard. “No, not particularly.”

“You seem brave,” Louis decides, pushing off the wall and stepping on the butt of his cigarette. “You are strong, and you are not mean. That’s good,” he assures, touching Harry’s arm gently.

“Thank you, but that’s not true,” Harry smiles ruefully. “I’m really not anything special.”

Or, Harry is an American soldier in France during World War II, and Louis is a French waiter that doesn't mean to fall in love with him.

love love french AUs and while this one isn’t sunshine and rainbows, it’s a beautiful yet heart wrenching piece. warning for period typical homophobia

caught up in your love affair

NR | 8k | @disgruntledkittenface

“And the corgis took to you straightaway,” Harry remarks.

“That’s true,” Louis chuckles.

“I’ve spent the last 29 years being barked at,” Harry deadpans, jerking his hand toward Louis, “this one walks in, absolutely nothing.”

Louis outright giggles at that, saying, “They were just lying on my feet during tea.”

“Wagging tails,” Harry says, shaking his head.

“It’s because they don’t understand flirting,” Louis tells him, “you can’t charm them the way you do everyone else.”

Royal AU. Prince Harry announces his engagement to Louis Tomlinson in an interview with longtime friend and BBC host Nick Grimshaw. Inspired by Prince Harry and Meghan Markle.

just. 8k of royal fluff. that’s literally it and i adore it so much.

Apples Always Fall (As I Do For You)

M | 54k | @rainbowsandgucci

”Due to unforeseen circumstances, help is needed here at the orchard for the impending apple season. Looking for someone able to start within the next week or two at the most, is willing to do whatever miscellaneous tasks are needed, such as picking & packing apples, running the cash register, and other handywork that may need to be done. Must be good with customers, and able to lift up to 50lbs. Help will be needed until at the least the end of October. Please contact the number found on this page, or come out to the orchard and ask for Harry. All the love xx” --- Louis is staying at his Aunt's farm in a small town in Minnesota for four months. To deal with the boredom that sets in a week into his stay, he starts working at the local apple orchard, owned by twenty six year old Harry Styles. Louis quickly finds himself falling in love with the orchard, and he finds a family in Harry's friends Niall, Liam, and Zayn. He also starts to fall in love with Harry. Falling in love with him turns out to be the easy part.

i never thought i would enjoy an apple orchard fic?? but it’s so good?? farmer harry makes me laugh to think about, but the heartbreak in this fic is so. real.

Mine Would Be You

E | 114k | @crinkle-eyed-boo

Louis blinks his eyes open, his eyelids fluttering as the room swims around him. He takes several gulps of beer once he confirms that he’s definitely not hallucinating, that the very first portrait Harry Styles ever painted of him is hanging on that wall.

Louis stares at the wall, his heart jackrabbiting in his chest as he realizes that there’s not just one painting of him, there’s five, the portraits lined up like they’re some sort of storyboard depicting the rise and fall of his deepest love. His greatest heartache. A pain that cut him so deep that he left the fucking country, severing all ties with his life in New York, now suddenly surrounding him as if he’d never left.

Fucking shit motherfucker fuck.

Louis returns to New York City five years after he left it – and the love of his life – behind. He didn't intend to see Harry again, but fate has a funny way of pulling them together, whether they like it or not. After making a begrudging truce, they both start to wonder: Would it be so bad if history repeated itself?

exes to lovers drama but make it extra sad. the fact that we see so many facets to this story just makes it all the more painful, yet beautiful. this fic also reminds me of how much i love one mister niall horan.

One for Luck

E | 96k | @leavingonatrain

The very first time Louis remembers hearing Harry Styles' deep, deep voice, he's just won gold at the World Equestrian Games and he's officially back on Great Britain's Olympic team. He's also three sheets to the wind, drunk on victory and champagne, and there's a gorgeous boy whispering in his ear. Life's grand.

(AU: Louis and Harry are professional riders on the British Olympic team.)

again, i know nothing about horses, but i like to pretend i do for the sake of this fic. it’s beautiful, it’s smutty what else could you ask for?

Nothing But You On My Mind

E | 83k | @absoloutenonsense

Louis Tomlinson is a PR manager hired to improve the image of royal bad-boy Prince Harry Styles. Unfortunately for him, that means being faced with the Prince's constant innuendos, incessant dirty jokes, and relentless flirting. Louis just wants to make it to Princess Gemma's coronation; once she's crowned Queen, his contract is up and he never has to see the Prince again.

i absolutely. definitely. sobbed tears at this fic. it’s just so beautifully painful to read. don’t want to spoil anything, but this is a must.

Adore You

M | 67k | @isthatyoularry

“We invited our new acquaintances from uptown. You’ve simply got to meet their oldest son!” said his mother with a flourish, and suddenly it became abundantly clear as to why his parents had so adamantly demanded he join them in Deansville for the entirety of the summer.

Against his wishes, Harry spends the holidays at his family’s summer estate, and is reluctantly pulled into a courtship he didn’t ask for. Harry doesn’t want to get married, but Louis does. They don’t fit, but then again they really, really do.

Vaguely set in the 1920’s. Headpieces, jazz, fashionable canes, and flapper dresses, and that.

i strongly relate to harry in this one! one of my favorite historical AUs and honestly i love the thought of louis in well fitting suits.

leave it to the breeze

E | 81k | @hattalove

Louis couldn’t be prouder of his bake, but there’s something—there’s something. Something about Harry Styles and the earnest way he measures, pours, mixes, scrapes. Something about the tip of his tongue poking out of his mouth as he knocks the air out of his batter.

or a great british bake off au in which louis cares about winning and winning only, harry is made of sunshine and rainbow sprinkles, and niall sticks his nose into other people's business. also featuring liam as louis's best friend-slash-concerned mother, and zayn as a macaron connoisseur.

i. love. the. great british baking show. baking + h&l is amazing. and another reminder as to why niall is the absolute best.

Paint The Sky With Stars

M | 62k | @icanhazzalou grrr let me tag

On 10 April 1912, Harry Styles boards the finest ship the world has ever seen. Still grieving the death of their mother, he and his sister are being sent to America to live with a callous uncle who cares more about his business connections than family. Harry prepares himself for a long, disappointing voyage alone in his stateroom.

Louis Tomlinson has borrowed and saved, and finally has enough to purchase a Third Class ticket to America. With all of his belongings in a single ruck sack, he boards the Titanic filled with hope for a brighter future. Never one to sit still, he can’t resist exploring the massive ship, and soon goes sneaking into First Class in a stolen steward’s uniform.

By a twist of fate, Louis finds himself in Harry’s stateroom, entranced by the most attractive man he’s ever laid eyes on. He keeps returning day after day, even if he doesn’t understand what it is about Harry that continues pulling him in. That’s all right; Louis has a week to figure it out, and Harry is plenty willing to help.

Except they don’t have a week. They have four days. Because on 15 April, their entire world will be turned upside down.

Or, the historically accurate Titanic AU with a happy ending.

gorgeous historical fic that’s so accurate and painstakingly written. i keep coming back to it!

When It’s Late At Night

M | 25k | @all-these-larrythings

Louis has zero interest in an ex-boybander turned solo artist when his appearance on the show gets announced, but that's exactly who he gets stuck with when Harry Styles shows up at the Late Late show to promote the release of his debut album. For an entire fucking week.

The Late Late prompt that we all need to get through this excruciatingly hard time.

remember when i said i love Late Late AUs? yeah. i love that louis gives absolutely zero shits in this fic until he gives all the shits.

Chasing Empty Spaces

E | 79k | @domestic-harry

The year is 1934 and Harry Styles was to inherent the largest tobacco firm in the south. His parents have picked out the “perfect” girl for him to marry and he has the privilege of receiving the highest education possible. The problem was, Harry hadn’t realized he didn’t actually want any part of that future until he met a mechanic named, Louis Tomlinson.

gorgeous historical AU that goes through Harry’s struggle with his sexuality wonderfully. this one also made me cry.

Resist Everything Except Temptation

E | 100k | @domestic-harry

The lethargic sound of heels clicking against wood resonated across the sea. Footsteps descended the staircase, every assured step creating a menacing aura as it grew closer. Perspiration gathered along Louis’ palms as the rhythmic sound halted in front of him.

“Captain,” Malik greeted.

Louis watched out of his peripheral as Malik’s boots shuffled back a few steps. Sweat matted the hair along the nape of Louis’ neck as he waited for something to happen. He felt as if a sharp blade was twisting his gut as the silence became tangible. There was a metallic slide of a sword being pulled out of its sheath, the sound startling Louis out of his cocoon of sterile shock. His shoulders jumped as the tip of a blade flattened underneath his jaw. Louis’ distorted reflection stared back at him in the polished metal. Engraved rose petals twisted his appearance as they crawled up the length of the sword. The sword lifted and took Louis’ chin with it.

Standing in front of Louis was Captain Styles.

The one where Louis is the commodore's son who is forced to become a part of Harry's crew when he is captured.

love this pirate AU that’s got one badass gemma styles. also, harry as a super cool pirate in gorgeous clothes makes me super happy!

i’ll make this feel like home

E | 49k

Harry to groans himself and then takes a deep breath. “Okay, well. Here’s the thing. I peed on a stick.”

Louis isn’t able to get more than a shocked “What!” out before Harry’s steamrolling on.

“I peed on a stick and it says it’s positive, but you always prattle on about how it’s best to go to the doctor’s before you get excited, you know to confirm it because sometimes hormones are off or you have like a tumor or some shit and get false positives and what if I’m dying and-”

“You’re pregnant?!” Louis shouts out, stomach dropping as the words leave his mouth.

“Um, yeah… maybe.”

[the one where Louis' hopelessly in love with his best mate... who just happens to be pregnant with another man's baby.]

baby momma harry with hot mess!Louis is a recipe for disaster, but this one has plenty of fluff to make up for it.

Hands Clasped Tight

E | 44k | @afirethatcannotdie

“What am I looking at here?” Harry asks.

“This, my friends, is a ‘proof’ Instagram account, run by your students,” Liam announces.

“It’s got all this stuff about how the two of you are together,” Niall adds.

“I heard about that,” says one of the math teachers. “Confiscated a kid’s phone today when they were looking at it. I have to say, the evidence that you’re dating is pretty damning.”

“Really,” Louis says dryly. “Do you think being married for three years might have something to do with it?”

Or the one where Harry and Louis are high school teachers and their students have been playing matchmaker for over a year. Little do they know, Harry and Louis are already married.

love love teacher harry and louis that’s mostly funny fluff with a little angst. just a teeny amount. reminds me of my own experiences with meddling students haha.

*updated 2/16/21*

#fic recs #hl #hlcreators #ao3 #in no particular order #message me for other fics!#yourlarrysource

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rawr-mortgage · 3 years

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Watch me praise the heck out of Jujutsu Kaisen despite starting only two nights ago and only being on EP 12 so far

Jokes aside, Jujutsu Kaisen is turning out to be one of the best anime series i've ever watched and quite possibly, one of the best animes of the coming decade???

Plot is actually interesting to theorize about and to see it play out. The main goal of our protagonist, Itadori, is to find and harvest all of Sukuna's fingers for him to consume and house the whole version of Sukuna's soul just for the Sorcerers to kill him once he finally does in order to vanquish and be rid of one of the most powerful cursed entities in existence. That's insane. That's a hella good main plot. Itadori's basically just a lamb being cared and fed for until he eventually has to be led to the slaughter. And he's aware of it and completely accepts it cuz being the only person in the world who's able to control Sukuna as his vessel, he thinks it would be selfish of him not to do it, to not willingly sacrifice himself and help other people remove this evil entity from the world at the expense of his own life.

Initially, he wanted to do good becuz he wanted to honor the fateful last words of his grandfather, who outright told him he's meant to help and save other people becuz he was gifted with outstanding physical capabilities and he should put it to good use. But then, he's told that if he's only engaging with the cursed spirit world becuz of his grandfather's wishes, he'll eventually start to resent his grandfather and blame him for all the pain he has to endure and the sacrifices he'll make being involved with dangerous and malevolent beings that'll stop at nothing to kill him in order to harbor Sukuna's powers for themselves, until he reaches the point where he's laying on his deathbed filled with regret and cursing his grandpapi to the depths of hell.

Having realized this, your boi makes his own resolve to dabble in the spirit world on his own terms and fight for defenseless people who are unaware of the inhuman dangers that lurk the earth becuz Itadori actually has a strong sense of justice and believes people get what they deserve, but no one is horrible enough to deserve suffering and death at the hands of cursed spirits.

I'm usually indifferent to shonen MCs cuz they typically follow the same format when it comes to their characterization. Your typical guy next door who's friendly, outgoing, kind of an airhead, gets flustered around girls, doesn't get much attention from the people around him, feels inferior and has a rivalry going on with the 2nd male lead, all smiles and sunshine and sickeningly nice, yada yada yada. All in all, just flat out BORING.

I'm running out of words so I'll stop here, I don't think I need to comment on the animation cuz no amount of praise or blubbering on my end can justify how beautiful and exquisite the animation is. Let's just say I now see why some AoT fans went on a rampage and claimed MAPPA was playing favorites with JJK cuz the animation on this series is sensational enough to make any other series jealous along with its fanbase (not that I'm saying the accusations were true and that I condone the hate that the studio was subjected to. like wtf, people who harass the folks that work their asses off to bring you god-level quality entertainment don't deserve anime).

Surprisingly enough, the sentiment doesn't ring true when it comes to Itadori. Even tho he shares a few generic character traits with other shonen MCs, I actually really like him and he isn't a bore to watch and follow around as the story progresses and I'm honestly just questioning what makes him different from all the other MCs and why can't every other shonen protagonist be likable and interesting enough to not turn me into a goat becuz they always make me go: meh.

I also really like the non-linear narrative JJK has going on. It actually has the potential to be quite off-putting since not a lot of animes do that sort of thing (at least I can't think of any at the top of my head), but they execute it well and do it in moderation to effectively steer it away from being too jarring. I think it's a great method for avoiding potential info dumps and filler episodes and other manga authors should deploy this technique more often cuz it's a great switch-up, storytelling-wise.

The narrative is also somewhat fast-paced, bordering on neck-break speed on some occasions, and I don't mind honestly. Don't you just hate it when the story goes full-on snail mode where every episode feels like a chore to finish and not at all like it has a 23 minute time constraint? Yea, completely throws enjoyability out the window. There hasn't been a dull moment yet in my experience, and how quickly everything plays out just encourages you to pay utmost attention and keep your eyes completely glued to the screen so to not miss any of the epicness happening before your eyes.

The soundtrack has no business being this fucking amazing. You might think I'm being nitpicky and actively looking out for things to criticize the animes that I watch on, but no, most times I don't even pay attention to all that or miss the quality of those elements entirely cuz it's too subtle of a detail for me to notice. But here, it just enhances the experience so much and compliments what's happening on-screen so well that it's hard not to take notice and feel so fucking appreciative of the awesome background music that gets you properly hyped while watching the fight scenes and lending the ambience for the milder and more emotional scenes.

Might make follow-up reviews in the future, who knows. Still haven't finished it like I said and I have a lot of thoughts on the other characters, if I feel like ranting about it, rest assured I definitely will lol.

#more under the cut to prevent dash crowding #anime review #jjk thoughts #jujutsu kaisen #i am all praise #itadori yuji is best mc #personal opinion #mappa is killing it #bless mappa #this is fucking fantastic

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percywinchester27 · 4 years

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A lot like ‘Us’ (Part-4)

Word count: 4.6K

Pairing: Sam X Reader AU

Warnings: None

Series Summary: Y/N Y/L/N is eager and honestly, still in awe that she managed to get herself an acceptance from Stanford Law School. On the face of it, her life seems as put together, mysterious and independent as one might hope for. On the insides, she carries the burden of past that haunts her till date. Seemingly, she’d left it all behind; that is until she sets foot in the class of the Law School’s youngest, most promising professor.

A/N: The story employs two different timelines. The present timeline for the story takes place in 2014. Please let me know what you guys think :)

Beta: @deanssweetheart23 I love you, Athina <3

A lot like ‘Us’ masterlist

Sam’s POV

The ringing got to the point where Sam reached out and almost flung the phone across the room. It was the first time in over a week that he’d actually managed to fall asleep, that too in the early hours of the morning. Who was even calling this early?

He opened one eye to read the name on the screen and promptly sat up in his bed.

“Dean?” He answered. “Is everything okay?”

“Oh yeah!” Dean’s voice sounded absolutely normal on the other side, goofy even. “I just woke up super early to go for a walk. For the first time. I thought you’d be proud. It was your idea after all.”

“Dean,” Sam groaned. “It’s five in the morning.”

“Aren’t you always up at five anyway?”

He had a point, but today was not the day.

“If it’s nothing important, I’m going back to bed,” Sam declared. “I haven’t had a good night’s sleep in a while.”

“Aren’t you by yourself for like two more weeks? What’s keeping you up now?”

Nightmares, horrors and well, the woman I had loved with all my heart who abandoned me seven years ago?

Sam almost said it. Almost. The words died on his lips, though.

“It’s nothing. I’m just really tired,” he said finally.

“Those guys at work still giving you a hard time?”

Sam rolled his eyes. “Nobody is giving me a hard time! It was one case and over a year ago. I’m not five. You can’t kick people’s asses for me anymore.”

“Just give me the names.”

Sam laughed. For the first time in a week, the knot in his chest loosening. Maybe that’s what he needed. He should have called his brother sooner.

Dean deserved to know about Y/N. Hell, Sam should have called him the moment he walked out of that classroom. He would have, too, had it not taken him a whole day to come to terms with the fact that he wasn’t dreaming to begin with.

That’s where he saw her afterall… She was the part of his worst nightmare. He would be damned though, if she wasn't also the loveliest dream he’d ever dreamt, ever felt.

“Sam?” Dean asked. “Did you fall asleep on me?”

“No.”

“Okay, I lied,” Dean admitted. “I’m not exercising or anything. I just couldn’t fall asleep. I don’t know, man. I had this weird feeling in my gut that something wasn’t right with you.”

Sam held his breath, feeling a strange ache within him. Dean always knew.

“Everything’s alright, Dean.” I am just slowly going insane here.

There was a heavy pause and Sam was almost convinced that Dean could see through his bullshit. When Dean spoke, his voice held a gravity. “If there’s anything, and I mean anything at all, you’ll call me, right?”

“Who else do I even have?” Sam said in a low defeated voice. “Of course I’ll call you.”

“Now you get back in that bed, and sleep your ass off!”

Amazing how his brother could be so insightful one minute and order him around like he was a three year old the next.

“Bye, Dean.”

“Bye, Sammy.”

*click*

Sam fell back into his bed, staring at the perfect beige ceiling. It hadn’t been more than two years since he’d moved in the faculty accoms and what with all that had happened since, he’d never had the time to move out, or even properly look for a better place.

He closed his eyes, knowing perfectly well how pointless it was. Sleep wasn’t going to come… what came instead was the image of her, looking at him with absolute horror from the top row of the lecture hall. And despite everything that had happened, Sam had wanted nothing more than to run across the steps and hold her in his arms. Hold her so tight and never let go.

However, before he could move, she had fled the room, like mirage. Leaving him to question if it had been real at all. Maybe the years had got to him and he was hallucinating. It was the first time in his career that he’d frozen on the dais. And only when someone called his name, had he come back to the now.

In fact, he’d been so sure that it had just been a play of his mind, that he’d left the class promptly and actually verified the student admission list from the administration office.

“Y/N Y/L/N”

After that all he could do was walk back to his house aimlessly.

This couldn’t be happening. What was he going to do? Run back to her? Find her and then what?

Things weren’t the same now. He didn’t know anything about her life anymore.

Then the anger came.

How dare she? How could she have absolutely destroyed him like that and then come waltzing back into his life just when he had managed to put it back together, painfully and piece by piece.

He could go back and take a look at her entire application; know what she had been up to. But would that even matter?

Sam had spent the whole day just sitting by himself in the dark, and even the next. Calls from work, and college be damned. He couldn’t go in there and pretend like he didn’t care, that he didn’t want to rage and riot and ask her why she had left him like that!

But he was more than just a heartbroken man. And he wasn’t twenty five anymore. He had responsibilities now, people who looked up to him. So locking himself up wasn’t an option. He had to face the world, even when he didn’t want to. Especially then.

When he stepped into the room on Friday, he’d made up his mind to not look for her. The eye contact might not mean anything to her, but it just might be his undoing. And after all he had been through, he couldn’t fall apart now. These were his students and they didn’t need to see that.

As it turned out, he needn’t have worried at all. Y/N wasn’t there. Had she run off again? Was it really such a bad thing for her to be in the same room as him?

It took him a while to get on track. Knowing that she wasn’t there, did help, made it easier to concentrate, easier to set out the syllabus.

Over the weekend, Sam made a game plan- pretend that she didn’t exist, whether or not she attended classes. If he convinced himself that she was still gone, he could go on with the lecture. After all, he could do it for two hours a day. It shouldn’t have to be that hard.

It was very hard.

She wore purple on Monday, and he’d be damned if he didn’t admit that his heart sped up when he saw her. That one glance was all Sam allowed himself. It took every ounce of his will power to concentrate on what he was speaking.

It did not get any easier as the week passed. Sam did get better at controlling his face, if not his emotions and by Thursday, even managed a few jokes that hit the mark. All the while, he didn’t dare look at her, still not confident that he could handle it. It helped that he was busy with a twisted property matter at work that required multiple trips to the court. It kept him engaged and his mind occupied.

Sam was so ready for the weekend by the time Friday rolled in. One more class and he’d be free of the agony for two more days.

He did not look at her still. He came very close once, when the girl right ahead of her answered a question, but his gaze only lasted long enough to make out that she was wearing beige today.

In the minutes after the class ended, a small group of students gathered around him asking doubts about the topic. It was a somewhat hard concept to understand, and it provided him with further distraction.

Next to them, a commotion caught his eye, A boy was standing on the side of the dias. Right next to him stood Y/N.

“Thank you, but I already have plans for the weekend,” she said, her voice polite.

Sam clenched his fists. The sound of her voice was enough to repeal each and every effort he’d put into remaining fortified through the week.

Her voice was just as soft and kind. Without consciously deciding to, he abandoned the conversation he was having completely to listen to her, yearning more for the sound of her voice like his life depended on it. Another girl had joined Y/N and the boy. Then, Y/N left, without saying anything.

“Mr. Winchester?”

Sam wrenched himself back into the conversation. It was the girl who had answered his question.

“Mr. Winchester, my name’s Rebecca Staten,” she said, leaning close. “What about the internship applications? At Acton Griswold.”

Sam wanted to roll his eyes. “I’m afraid I can’t help you with that. The hiring is all HR, and I have little to no say in it.”

“Oh, but it would be wonderful getting to work with you.”

Sam backed away quickly, grabbing his case and laptop. “I assure you working with me is highly overrated. See you next week!” He concluded and left the class in a hurry.

The moment he was out, the anger returned, at her and himself. She didn’t care about what happened to him, and yet here he was pining after her like a lovestruck teenager. She already had plans, while he spent his evenings in darkness trying to get her out of his head.

Now, Sam lay in his bed, still clutching to his phone even after Dean had long hung up.

It was 5:30 and for once he didn’t feel like stepping out of his bed. Who knew? Maybe the world had some more crap to fling in his face.

Sam closed his eyes remembering the day when he’d first realised what she meant to him.

*******************************

21st July 2006

“If you stayed quiet any longer, I’d have to start worrying,” Dean said, glancing at his brother from the driver’s seat.

“What?” Sam shrugged.

“You know what I’m talking about!”

“You don’t know shit!”

Dean shushed, glancing at a sleeping Jo in the backseat of their car. “She had a rough night,” Dean whispered. “Stop shouting. You’ll wake her up.”

So much concern. Sam rolled his eyes.

“Oh, you’re the one to act pricey,” Dean hissed. “Don’t think I don’t know what’s up with you.”

“What’s up with me?”

“It’s that girl, Y/N. Isn’t it?” Dean asked. “You’re worried about her.”

Sam said nothing. What was he going to tell Dean when he himself didn’t know why he was so worried for her.

She had gone mute with shock at first when Jo broke the news to her. Slowly as her face started to crumple, she looked at him once and excused herself to go upstairs. Jo had given him one sympathetic look as he stood there in the middle of their living room, then followed her cousin to the room. He had seen himself out after the maddening urge to run after Y/N, hold her and comfort her had been squished. Afterall, he barely knew her… it wasn’t his place to comfort her in any way… and yet, it had simply felt wrong to walk out of that house knowing she was distraught.

He had been restless since, unable to concentrate on preparation for his interview. Her sweet smile and then the shocked look on her face kept coming back to him, to the point where he regretted not following her to her room. Maybe, just maybe she would have let him help.

Ellen had driven Y/N to her hometown that evening, while Jo had stayed back to look after the diner. Dean, who Sam suspected was more than just sweet on her had been making home calls for leaking sinks and what not.

Now it was his turn to drive her to the funeral. Sam had ridden along without really explaining to either of them… why? He needed to figure that one out for himself first.

“I just- I don’t even know why I’m going there,” Sam said, finally. “I mean, you’re driving your girlfriend. What am I doing?”

Surprisingly, Dean didn’t contest the girlfriend part, neither did he make a sarcastic retort.

“You have plenty of time to find out,” Dean said, without taking his eyes off the road.

“She’s just so different,” Sam thought out loud.

“You’re not wrong about that,” Jo said from the back seat. She was up and looked absolutely exhausted. “It’s so hard to get through to her.”

“What do you mean?”

Jo stretched her arms and ran her hands down her dress, trying to smoothen it. “I have never been close to her,” she said. “After my aunt and her husband died in the crash, Y/N went to stay with her grandmother. She visited us once in three years or so but never stayed for more than a week. She has always been quiet. Even as a kid she was polite and soft spoken. Don’t get me wrong, I liked her well enough, but I kinda dreaded her visits cause each time she came, mom would have a mini complex over how well-behaved she was and I was a mess.”

Dean chuckled, finding that funny for some reason.

“I love having her over now, though. And I get why she’s been so grown up. Her gran was pretty awesome. She took care of Y/N sure, but Y/N had to take care of her, too. Had to be sincere and not trouble the old lady. Her gran called her ‘the little ray of sunshine.’

Seemed apt enough to Sam. He’d rather die than admit to his brother and Jo, but there was this light that Y/N seemed so full of, that he couldn’t get enough of.

Sam shook his head, dispelling the insane thought, embarrassed.

“This, Y/N,” Dean asked, “She has anyone else?”

In the rear-view mirror, Sam saw Jo shaking her head sadly.

“It’s just us now. I bet mom’s tried to get her to move in with us… but Y/N doesn’t budge. We’ve tried to get her to move here plenty of times.”

“But that meant she’d have had to leave her grandmother,” Sam said. “She wouldn’t have then. What’s stopping her now?”

“Self-respect,” Jo said the word like it was dubious.

Sam understood this better than Jo. The feeling that you were causing discomfort to others, that you were a burden… your existence, an obligation.

Bobby had loved him and Dean like his own kids and Karen had been so sweet, but deep down he and his brother always knew the sacrifices they’d had to make to raise two boys. Cutting the edges to make the ends meet. It had been the reason that the moment Dean was old enough, he’d moved out, pulling Sam with him. And Sam couldn’t have been prouder of his brother. They both missed Bobby and Karen, and the love and warmth, but, at least Bobby didn’t have to break his back overworking now. He could kickback a little and enjoy some privacy with his wife.

Dean was staring straight ahead. From the set of his mouth and the intensity of his eyes, Sam could make out the shift in his brother. A newfound respect for Y/N because of the luxury she had given up for the sake of her grandmother.

When Dean spoke, he confirmed it for Sam. “So, Y/N is by herself now?”

Y/N… and not ‘that girl.’

“It’s just awful,” Jo said angrily. “Y/N loved her gran more than anyone in the world. I don’t know how she’s going to get over this.” Then her voice steeled. “We’re not going to listen to her this time. She can’t live in that crap town by herself. She’ll have to move in with us now.”

“Won’t be that hard to convince her,” Sam added, “She’ll get her acceptances in a month or so and by fall she’ll be off to wherever anyway. It’ll be a matter of a few months. You can press that.”

“Yeah,” Jo said slowly, giving Sam a scrutinising look, like it was slowly dawning to her just how much he knew.

Sam cleared his throat and looked out of the window.

Jo pointed the directions to the church when they reached the town and Dean found the perfect parking spot. Sam adjusted his coat as he stepped inside the Church. The funeral was being held in the side room, and almost everyone from the small-ish town seemed to be there. Jo disappeared into the crowd immediately trying to find Ellen, and after a look to make sure that Sam was alright, Dean followed her.

This left Sam all by himself in a funeral full of strangers.

A few elderly women gave him a once over, trying to place him, and Sam moved away quickly, guessing that the family would be up ahead.

“... poor girl… I don’t know what else he has to live for now…”

Sam halted at the words.

Two middle aged women were talking to each other. The second one scoffed lightly. “Literally. Old Gertrude didn’t really own a fortune to leave behind. Just the old house and a now useless bakery. That girl can’t bake to save her life, I’ve heard.”

“Oh, don’t talk like that!” The first woman said, “That child’s distraught!”

“She’s no child,” said the other woman, whom Sam was beginning to hate, “She’s eighteen. At her age I was married to my Robert and little Jonathan was already on his way. Besides, she’s a jinx, don’t you think? Got her parents killed when he was a child and now…”

Sam walked away as fast as he could before he said something in anger that he would regret later.

At the very front, on the podium was a close casket. People moved slowly making hushed conversations around it. At the foot of the casket, next to the rows of chairs stood Ellen, in a sharp, black skirt and jacket, talking to a man in low voice. On the first two chairs sat Jo, Dean beside her. She seemed to be wiping her tears while Dean held her hand.

Sam’s eyes scanned the milling crowd. Y/N was nowhere to be seen amongst them. He looked at the aisle and then at the chairs, finally spotting her on the last chair of the second row, sitting by herself, staring blankly ahead. Then, he noticed the little things… how people were looking at her and then averting their gaze. The expression on her face wasn’t exactly sorrow… it was the look a person’s face might hold after they had lost everything they had. Everything. Just looking at her filled Sam’s heart with dread. Those who wanted to meet her were unable to because Ellen strategically blocked the path to get to her. She’d engage them in a small talk and then they’d go away.

Sam cut across the line of chairs in the 5th row and reached the edge of the hall. The chairs had been arranged in a way that there was little no space left to walk, but Sam managed, flattening himself against the wall and inching towards where Y/N was sitting. He walked right past her to the seat beside her, but she didn’t notice, she didn’t even blink, just stared fixedly at the mural of wreathed flowers over the casket.

“Y/N?” he said quietly, and she startled out of it, unseeing at first, then realising that he was there.

“Sam.”

Her voice was thick and so unsteady that it broke Sam’s heart.

All he wanted to do was reach out and hug her, comfort her in anyway that he could. For now, he placed his hand over hers, something he had done before, so it wouldn’t make her uncomfortable.

“Sam,” she whispered again, gripping his hand tightly with her other. Tight enough to hurt.

“I’m so sorry,” he said fervently, feeling helpless at her pain. “Tell me. Is there anything I can do?”

She looked lost, her Y/E/C eyes flitting from his face to the side and back again. She was about to say something, but at the very moment the pastor called for attention. They were moving the casket. The pastor gestured to everyone to begin moving towards the cemetery. Over his shoulder, Sam could see Ellen giving him a curious look and she wasn’t the only one. There were so many pairs of prying and questioning eyes. To the point where Sam began to doubt whether Y/N would want to be seen with him. However, she held on to his hand steadily as she rose. He stood up with her.

Y/N did not let go of his hand even as they walked to the churchyard, and Sam stopped giving a single care about what anyone was thinking. Her hold on him was steady, but her fingers still shook and her other hand was clutching the fabric of her plain grey dress tightly.

The pastor asked her if she had any last words to say for her grandmother. Y/N resolutely shook her head and they lowered the casket into the earth. People walked up to her to offer condolences, hugs and words of kindness, and she nodded in acknowledgement, eyes cast downwards.

Sam wondered how it looked to others. Did she appear to be a graceful image of grief? Elegant in her sorrow? Or whatever crap the crazy writers were writing these days. To him the shiver of her lips, the rapid rise and fall of her chest was very clear... very there! She wasn’t some beautiful, solitary figure of sadness, she was a person, breathing and living, who was barely keeping it together.

Ellen was the last to hug her, tightly. Sam had to let go for her hand.

“It’ll be alright, Darling,” Ellen said, stroking her Y/H/C hair. “It might not feel like it now, but things will be fine.”

No they wouldn’t. Things would never be fine, Sam knew. Not the fine that Y/N was used to… She’d just learn to live around the hollow of her missing Gran. One day at a time she’d get used to living like this… and that would become her new fine.

Jo hugged the two of them behind and Y/N closed her eyes, damp now, returning the hug tightly.

Almost everyone but Sam, Dean, Jo, Ellen and Y/N had gone back to the church for the dinner.

“Do you want to go inside?” Ellen asked, when she finally disentangled herself.

Y/N shook her head. “I’d like to stay here for a while.”

Ellen looked unsure but she nodded. “I’ll be inside. You’ll come find me?”

Y/N nodded gratefully.

“Okay then.”

Jo kissed her cousin on the cheek and left with her mother.

Dean walked over to Y/N, his step somewhat hesitant. “I know what it’s like to lose your parents as a child,” he said quietly. So quietly that Sam could barely hear it. “And I know what it’s like to live your life for just that one person who is left behind with you-” he gaze flickered towards Sam- “I can’t imagine what it’s like for you. God knows I’d not want to live for a minute if something happened to- happened to Sammy.”

She looked up, a spark of fear in her eyes. Her whole frame jerked. Dean was taken aback just for a split second before an understanding look dawned on his face. Sam didn’t recognise even a bit of what had just passed between them.

He was even more surprised when all of a sudden Dean opened his arm and Y/N let him hug her briefly.

He might have whispered something, or it might have been nothing at all, but when he let go, she held on to his sleeve.

“Thank you,” Y/N whispered, her eyes brimming now, tears starting to flow earnestly for the first time.

“You look after yourself now,” Dean said gently. “I’ll see you inside.”

He clapped Sam on the shoulder and after casting one long look at her, Sam turned to leave with his brother.

“Sam!”

Her voice was stronger now, and no sooner had she uttered the words, he was moving to be next to her.

“Will you… will you stay with me?” She asked, eyes expectant, and beyond anguished.

“Of course,” he said breathlessly.

He looked back to ask his brother to leave, but Dean was already at the gate of the churchyard, walking further away.

The sun was setting against the horizon in front of them, and the chill in the air was beginning to settle. Y/N rapped her arms around herself. Sam remembered the first time he had seen her do that, outside the bar. He would have shrugged out of his coat had Y/N not unfolded her wrap and thrown it over her shoulders. She leaned towards him, and as if it was the most natural thing to do, Sam wrapped one arm around her shoulder, drawing her close against his side. He let her borrow whatever warmth she needed on this cold, cruel evening.

“Sam,” Y/N said after a while. “I’m really glad you’re here.”

He didn’t reply, simply ran his hand over the side of her arm, as they stood silently in front of the freshly covered grave.

*******************************

Sam opened his eyes, almost smelling the air from that evening, almost feeling the heat of her body. Then sighed.

He needed to stop doing this to himself. Some might say it would have been easier to forget it all. Sam didn’t believe in that. He’d revisited the memories that meant so much to him over and over, till he remembered the last detail, till he could go relive them at his beck and call.

Of course they brought a boat load of pain, even the good memories, but Sam considered it a good bargain, all things considered. He hadn’t wanted to live a day where he couldn’t remember the precise colour of her eyes, or the sweet shyness of her smile.

And now precisely this habit of his was screwing him over when the real Y/N was right in front of him, and he couldn’t reach out to touch her like he could in the memories.

Then again, the real Y/N didn’t care for him one way or another.

Sleep wasn’t going to come purely because it was a Saturday. Lying around in bed was pointless. He rolled over in the bed and his eyes fell on the photo on his night stand.

Looking at the picture, the loneliness hit afresh. The person in the photo had become his sole reason to live as a functional human for the past two years. Sam missed those arms around his neck more than he could put into words. The missing was so bad, that it almost twisted his guts.

“Two more weeks,” he reminded himself. Two more weeks and he could see that face, that dimpled smile again. It was his reason to smile.

He placed a kiss on the frame and got out of the bed. Better to be productive than mope around all day. And who knew, if he managed to get busy, maybe, just maybe he wouldn’t think about Y/N.

*******************************

A/N 2: So now that we something about Sam. What are y’all thinking? ;)

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ollieofthebeholder · 3 years

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leaves too high to touch (roots too strong to fall): a TMA fanfic

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Chapter 19: Martin

It shouldn’t really startle Martin when he falls asleep mid-conversation. After all, it’s been a rather traumatic twenty-four hours, both physically and emotionally. He’s in a decent amount of pain, and he needs rest to heal. He knows all of that, logically. But he’s also never been good at sleeping if there’s anyone else awake in the room, so when he wakes up in a dark room and realizes that the last thing he recalls is Tim starting—but not finishing—one of his terrible jokes, he’s not sure what surprises him more, the fact that he fell asleep or the fact that he actually feels rested.

Sort of, anyway. He’s sore all over—the painkillers have obviously run their course—but he’s not too tired to think, and he’s obviously slept deeply. He stares at the blurry void currently standing in for the ceiling and tries to figure out how he feels about that. It should be a good thing, but it’s…well, there’s no other word for it, it’s weird.

In the grand scheme of things, it’s not that weird. Not as weird as the fact that he’s been talking to a future version of himself for eight days—somehow without knowing he’s blind—or the fact that his future self and Jon’s future self seem insanely close. Not as weird as being held hostage by a woman riddled with worms or attacked in his workplace by that same woman and her moderately-sized army of parasites. Not as weird as entities fueled by fear or an apocalypse being caused by a semi-immortal man currently disguised as an ordinary pencil-pusher. It is, in fact, the ordinary kind of weird, and really, Martin shouldn’t be getting hung up on it. Nevertheless, here he is, unable to understand when he came to trust the rest of the Archival team enough that he feels safe enough to fall asleep while they’re still awake to do things to him.

He really needs therapy, something he’s known for years, but several of the reasons he needs therapy tie into why he avoids therapy and it’s just a whole mess. The only reason he hasn’t done it that doesn’t tie into yet another trauma or blow to his psyche is the fact that he really can’t afford it. He’s barely scraping by as it is, and God only knows how he’s going to manage the need to move. He’s been in the same building for eleven years and rent’s gone up twice, and it’s still cheaper than most other places. Even if he does find someplace that doesn’t cost more, he’ll have to come up with the first month’s rent and the security deposit ahead of time, and then there’s the fact that he’s going to have to replace pretty much everything he owns that he didn’t manage to gather up for his temporary stay in the Archives; Jon and Sasha came back from getting their things and informed him regretfully that Mrs. Mattson had already thrown out what was left in his old flat and rented it out again. Add in the fact that he has to make up almost half of the fees at the home his mother insisted on moving into, and he’s not going to have the spare funds for, well, anything. Let alone therapy.

He sighs heavily and tries to sit up. It’s nice of Tim to let him sleep in the recliner, but when he first wakes up, it’s a bit of a struggle. And he honestly can’t figure out how he keeps lying back, since he’s pretty sure he falls asleep still sitting up. Maybe he’s doing it in his sleep, or maybe he’s just so tired he doesn’t remember settling back. Whatever it is, he discovered yesterday that it’s hard for him to use the appropriate strength to manipulate the recliner back into an upright position. Or at least to do it quietly. The others are still asleep—as far as he knows—and he doesn’t want to disturb them. He can tell himself all he wants that they need rest, that they deserve to have their sleep uninterrupted, that it’s been a rough couple of days for them too, but if he’s being honest it cycles back to his fear of the consequences of disturbing his mother while she was resting. Nine years and he still can’t make himself turn on a light before sunrise if the door isn’t firmly shut or listen to music without headphones after four in the afternoon. He wonders if he’ll ever be free.

The handle engages suddenly and the footrest goes down with a deceptively soft thwump that rocks Martin forward abruptly. He bites back a gasp of pain and waits for the world to stop swimming.

“Martin?”

The whispered call from not far away makes him flinch. Martin looks up, apologies ready on his lips, then realizes he’s not wearing his glasses and has no idea who was talking. He fumbles for them and puts them on just as Jon steps carefully around the end of the coffee table and perches on the end of the sofa next to him.

“I heard you starting to wake up,” Jon says softly. He holds something out—a mug. “I, ah, I was making tea anyway, so I thought…”

“O-oh.” Martin blinks in surprise and reaches out carefully to take the mug. “Ah, thank you?”

Their fingers brush, and it’s all Martin can do not to drop the mug or spill it on himself. He can feel the blush rising in his cheeks. God, it’s probably visible even with no lights.

“You’re welcome. I—you do so much for us. It seemed like high time someone did something for you for a change.” Jon pauses, then adds, “I hope I got it right. I—I know I haven’t exactly asked, but it—it seemed like what I remembered from after dinner?”

Martin takes a cautious sip of the tea and nearly chokes in surprise. “It’s perfect. Thank you.”

He can just make out Jon’s unfairly attractive smile before he brings his own mug to his lips. They sit in silence for a long moment, both of them seemingly lost in thought. Martin isn’t sure how much he’s actually thinking, though, beyond panicking slightly. It’s the first time he’s been alone with Jon, really, since he started living in the Archives. And after the last couple of days…he still has no idea where the two of them stand. If they’re on a friendlier footing, if they’ve found common ground, or if things are going to go back to normal once the initial shock wears off.

“What time is it?” he finally asks.

“About four in the morning. You’ve been asleep roughly nine hours.”

Martin exhales. “Christ, I had no idea I fell asleep that early.”

Jon tilts his head slightly. “Well, you’re healing. You’re likely going to do a fair amount of sleeping. We tried to keep it down.”

“I don’t mean to be an inconvenience like that,” Martin says, his stomach twisting. The idea that everyone has to be quiet because of him…

“Don’t be ridiculous, Martin, you’re not an inconvenience.” Jon sets his mug down on the table and turns to face Martin fully. “I—I know I’ve been overly critical of you over the last year. I really am sorry. I never meant to—I shouldn’t have treated you like that.”

“It’s—”

“Don’t say it’s all right. It isn’t. You’ve never been anything but diligent and conscientious, you’ve always gone above and beyond, and I—” Jon exhales. “The truth is, I-I was scared. I didn’t feel…adequate. Like I wasn’t up for the task. I didn’t—I never applied for this job either. Elias picked me, and I had no idea why. I don’t have a background in library science, o-or administration or anything like that. I couldn’t have told you why he offered me the job, but…well, I’m not sure I could have said no if I’d wanted to. A-and then you turned up in my office and said Elias had appointed you, and…I honestly thought he’d sent you to keep an eye on me. To, to report back to him if I stepped out of line or didn’t do the job properly. And then Rosie gave me a copy of your CV and I saw how long you’d been with the Institute, and all your credentials—”

“Most of which were fake.”

“Which I didn’t know at the time. I—I got intimidated.” Jon gives a small laugh. “I saw someone with more experience than all three of us put together and I thought, God, he wanted this job and didn’t get it and now he’s going to be reporting back to Elias every time I step out of line. I kept putting you down on the official recordings because—I don’t know, maybe part of me was hoping it would influence things in my favor if there was ever a dispute? And…I think I was projecting a lot of my own insecurities onto you. I am deeply sorry.”

Well, Jon won’t let him say it’s all right, but…Martin swallows hard and tries to smile. “I forgive you. And I’m sorry, too. I should have told you the truth sooner, but…I don’t know. I was afraid you’d fire me.”

“Considering the first interaction we ever had was me threatening you over that dog, I’d be afraid I’d fire me too.” Jon pauses. “I wonder what would have happened if I’d actually tried.”

Martin actually doesn’t want to think about it. He looks into the depths of the mug in his hands, then sets it on the end table where his glasses were previously. “I’m sorry if I woke you up.”

“You didn’t—oh, you mean the ‘I heard you starting to wake up’ thing? I was already awake.” Jon sighs. “I honestly don’t sleep very well these days. I-it’s not just the nightmares, it’s also…the worrying. About you. All three of you, really, but—you in particular.”

“Me?” Martin’s voice is louder than he means it to be. Tim grunts from somewhere else in the room and both Martin and Jon freeze, but after a moment he makes an odd sort of snorfling sound and seems to settle back into sleep. Martin rubs a hand over his mouth, trying to be careful of the bandages.

“Why me?” he asks, remembering to whisper this time.

Jon is silent for a moment. Martin is about to apologize for having asked when he says, “I could be glib and say it’s because you were the one being stalked by Jane Prentiss, and that is part of it, but…it’s also just that it’s you. It’s not that I don’t think you can take care of yourself just as well as Tim or Sasha can. I do. It’s…I really wasn’t sure before the last couple of days why that was. I’m still not completely sure, but I think I have a bit of a better idea.”

“We worry about you, too, you know.” Martin desperately wants to ask what Jon’s idea is, but he also doesn’t want to pry. “Ask, erm, Martin Prime. I asked him what I could do to help and he said not to let you get hurt and I kind of panicked a little.”

Jon chuckles. “I suppose that is a next-to-impossible task.”

“No, I mean I panicked at the idea that you would get hurt,” Martin says. He wonders how much he can say without betraying how he feels. The Primes are close friends, that much is obvious, but he and Jon aren’t anywhere near that point and he doesn’t want to ruin his chances of even that by blurting out that he’s fallen for his boss like a ton of bricks. This is also probably not the time to bring it up. They’re all a bit…emotionally compromised right now, and he’s still not sure what’s going to happen when the adrenaline of the last two days wears off. Even if Jon’s just said he worries about Martin. Fleetingly, he wonders if Martin Prime ever told Jon Prime how he felt and when, and he wishes it was a question he thought to ask while they had some time alone in the last week. “I-I mean, that was my biggest worry when I realized Jane Prentiss had followed me home, you know? I wasn’t just worried about what she’d do to me. I was worried she might…follow me to the Archives. Come after one of you, but especially you. A-and then when she texted you after I made my statement…” He sighs. “It’s stupid. I know it’s stupid. But there was a part of me thinking that if I needed to stay in the Archives, maybe the rest of you should have too, you know?”

“No, you’re—you’re not wrong. Truthfully, that was one of the things that I kept obsessing over last night,” Jon confesses in a low voice. “When I saw—when I realized—” He breaks off and looks away. “All I could think was that something had happened, that you could be hurt, and that you’d been alone and—God, I should have insisted we all stay. Or that you come stay with one of us from the outset. Although in retrospect…I’m not certain what would have happened if your counterpart had been alone in the Archives at the time. Not that I knew he was there, but…”

“Yeah,” Martin says quietly. He swallows against the sudden, unexpected lump in his throat. “I’m—I’m still glad you weren’t there, though. I-I was glad when it happened, and I was even more glad when I saw Jon Prime and…honestly, Jon, this sucks. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. Least of all you. O-or Tim,” he adds hastily. “Or Sasha, but, I mean, she didn’t…not in their timeline, anyway.”

“No, but…that doesn’t mean we wanted you to have to get hurt, either,” Jon says. “It’s not exactly a fair trade.” He looks up at Martin. “A-are you in pain? Do you need your painkillers?”

The answer is yes, but Martin fights the urge to nod. “They, ah, they have to be taken with food. It’s—it’s not as bad as it was yesterday, at least.”

“Hold on. I think I can help with that.”

“Jon—” Martin begins, but it’s too late. Jon has already stood up from the sofa and headed in the direction of the kitchen.

Martin swears under his breath in Polish, then manages to get to his feet without hurting himself. He carefully picks up both mugs of tea and follows Jon, a bit more slowly. Partly it’s the pain, partly it’s force of habit. He doesn’t know where the joists or creaky floorboards might be, and it’s still early, he can’t risk waking people up because he’s walking too loudly. He’s already had one close call too many tonight.

He makes it to the kitchen. Jon is messing about with something, using the night-light mounted above the sink to see by. Martin can’t see what he’s doing. He sets the mugs down carefully on the table and asks, “What are you doing?”

Jon jumps and whirls around, brandishing a butter knife in one hand. He relaxes. “Martin—I didn’t hear you come in. I—I just thought—” He gestures at the counter. “It’s not much, but I thought I’d make you a sandwich at least. Get something in your stomach so you can take the pills.”

“You really don’t have to do that,” Martin protests, feeling his cheeks heat up. “I-I can wait until—”

“I’m sure you can, but there’s no reason you should,” Jon says briskly. “It’s been enough time that you’re certainly able to take your painkillers, and you need them, so why wait and make yourself feel worse?”

There’s a certain amount of logic in that, Martin has to admit. “I just…don’t want to be a bother.”

Jon places a sandwich in front of him firmly and lays a hand on his arm. “Martin,” he says sincerely, “the last thing you are is a bother. Sit down and eat. I’ll be right back.”

He heads out of the kitchen, leaving Martin incredibly confused and slightly embarrassed.

Lacking any better option, he sits down to eat the sandwich Jon has made for him. He doesn’t know what to expect, but it’s certainly not what he bites into. The first taste of it on his tongue almost makes him cry, and he closes his eyes, savoring it.

He hears footsteps and swallows hastily, opening his eyes as Jon comes back into the room. He sets the pill bottle next to Martin’s elbow, then sits down next to him and picks up his mug of tea. “Is it all right?”

“It’s perfect,” Martin says before he thinks it through and almost swallows his tongue. Oh, well, no taking it back now—best to press forward. “I didn’t know Tim ate cherry preserves.”

“I don’t think he does. He teased me a bit about being ‘elitist’ the first time he saw me eating them.”

Martin stops mid-chew and definitely swallows a too-solid bite. It takes him a second before he’s able to speak. “You like them, too?”

Jon’s eyes widen. “Too? I—I mean, obviously you like them, you’re eating the sandwich—God, I didn’t even think to ask, I just assumed…”

“No, it’s—I’ve always liked them,” Martin says. “My—my granddad had a couple cherry trees in his backyard. He used to make preserves every year, and…I dunno. They just remind me of visiting him.” He takes another bite of the sandwich.

Jon nods thoughtfully. “I’ve always been fond of cherry preserves. Well, cherry anything, actually. My grandmother used to bake cherry pies on my birthday in lieu of a cake.”

Martin smiles. “Granddad always did that for me, too.”

“I’ll remember that for next year.” Jon smiles, too.

For a few minutes, there’s silence as Martin finishes the sandwich. When the last bite is gone, Jon takes the plate and gets up to wash it while Martin struggles for a moment to get the cap off the pill vial and shake out a painkiller. The moment feels oddly…domestic. Calm. Cosy. Martin isn’t sure what to do with it, but he decides to try and let himself enjoy it. It’s never worked for him before, but he can give it a shot.

Finally, Jon sits back down next to him. “Feeling better?”

“Yeah. Thanks.” It’s not just the painkiller, which probably hasn’t actually started to work yet. It’s the tea, and the sandwich, and Jon being nice. He tries to figure out how to articulate it, then finally says, “It’s the first time in I don’t know how long that I don’t feel afraid.”

Jon exhales. “I know the feeling. I mean—I know I should be. The world is objectively terrifying, and learning what we learned today made that exponentially worse. But…this right here? I’m definitely calmer and more relaxed than I’ve been since I took the Archivist job.”

Something in Martin’s chest warms at the comment. It probably isn’t meant like that, but it’s nice to hear he’s not making Jon stressed by his mere presence, at least. And, hey, he can dream. All he says, though, is, “’S nice.”

“It is.” Jon takes a sip of his tea and stares into it for a moment, then snorts softly and shakes his head.

“What?”

“It’s just…something my counterpart said. While we were talking outside. I hadn’t thought about it before, but…he’s right.” Jon looks up. “He told me he hasn’t finished a cup of tea in years that—that his Martin hasn’t made for him. It just occurred to me that I’m the same way. Even when…those two weeks you weren’t in the office? When Jane Prentiss was—” He swallows hard. “I just realized that I would brew myself a cup of tea and it would just…sit on my desk and get cold. I never managed to drink more than half of it. I suppose it just tastes better when you make it.”

Martin doesn’t know quite how to respond to that. “You make tea just fine. This is perfect.”

Jon hums noncommittally. He seems to be debating with himself, then sighs. “You’re far more observant than I am at times…you know they’re together, right?”

Martin’s brain pulls up short. “Wait, what?”

“Our…counterparts. The Primes. They’re—they love each other. He told me that when I asked him, and…God, in retrospect, it’s so obvious. I-I suppose I just didn’t see it.” Jon looks suddenly nervous as he scans Martin’s face. “You’re more…in tune with that sort of thing than I. You did know, didn’t you?”

“N-no,” Martin manages to stammer out. Oh, God, he can feel his cheeks heating up. Jon’s right, though, in retrospect it’s obvious. He thinks about all the little interactions the Primes have had with one another, the way they both fuss over each other, the way they seem to know what the other is thinking. The lighthearted, affectionate banter, the near-constant physical contact. Jon Prime rubbing his thumb over Martin Prime’s knuckles to calm himself when he gets overwhelmed, Martin Prime reaching for Jon Prime instinctively when he needs a hand up.

Then, suddenly, he remembers the way Martin Prime spoke about the person who was coming back to meet him, when he assured Martin that if they’ve come through somewhere else, they’re looking for me. Logically, he knows now that person was Jon Prime, but he somehow didn’t make the connection between the two. It’s as if his brain saw Jon Prime walk in and instantly erased every conclusion that conversation made him come to. It didn’t occur to him, at the time, that Jon would even bother to bring him back in time with him, let alone be looking for him. Now he takes a mental step back, re-evaluates every moment between the Primes in light of that conversation, and wants to smack himself on the forehead for being an idiot.

“You’re right, though. I really should have figured that out sooner,” he murmurs. “God knows I had enough information to put it together. Guess I just assumed there couldn’t possibly be a universe where I—”

He snaps off the words as quickly as he can. Oh, God, he really almost said it out loud. Almost let Jon know how he feels. He’s not stupid, the Primes have a lot more history between them than he and Jon do, and he doesn’t doubt for a minute that they haven’t been together long, relatively speaking. Probably only since Jon Prime rescued Martin Prime from the Lonely. The circumstances that led them to this point are ones they’re trying to undo, and Martin seriously doubts he and Jon will ever get to that point. It’s best if he tries to let this thing die now and be happy for his counterpart getting this much.

Jon looks like he wants to ask him a question, but doesn’t. Instead, he says quietly, “They weren’t going to tell you. Us, I suppose, but…I asked him. How he felt about his Martin. Mostly because I was trying to figure out how I felt about you, and I thought knowing his thoughts would help untangle mine.”

Martin has to try twice before he can get the words out. “Did it?”

Jon gives a small, humorless laugh. “Not really. In truth, it just made things more confusing. I…” He rubs his thumb against the knuckle of his index finger, the same nervous tic Jon Prime uses when he doesn’t have Martin Prime’s hand to hold. “I-I got scared when I arrived at the Institute the other night. I was…there was all that chaos, all those lights and sirens and activity, and—and I realized you weren’t in the crowd. All I could think of was that there’d been a fire and you hadn’t woken in time, or that you’d been trapped and been…burned or breathed in too much of the CO2 or something. I tried to—they wouldn’t let me in after you. Obviously. That makes perfect sense, but…at the time, all I could think of was that you were in there a-and I needed to get to you, that I needed to know you were safe. I was staring at the idea of a world without you and I couldn’t face it. And then…Elias told me Tim and Sasha were down there, and then mentioned Jane Prentiss, and it all got worse and…I don’t know, Martin, I’m rambling. But Tim’s right. I was—I must’ve shouted down half a dozen officials trying to get one of them to tell me where you were, how you were, to—to let me see you. Everyone kept saying you were going to be all right, but I knew I wouldn’t believe it until I saw you.”

“I—I mean, if it had been Sasha or Tim—” Martin begins.

“I don’t know how I would have reacted if it had been them who was hurt. I was definitely worried about them, but…I don’t know.” Jon takes a deep breath. “I’ll be honest. I still don’t really know how I feel. I—I do care about you. I worry about you, I want you to be safe. Beyond that, I—I’m afraid I don’t know.” He manages a small, slightly roguish smile. “I don’t suppose you know how you feel.”

“Oh, Christ,” Martin practically whines. This is not how he wanted any of this to come out, and he doesn’t know if he should say it.

Then it occurs to him that Jon didn’t ask. Jon, who has just learned that he’s developing the ability to force people to answer his questions, and who is probably more likely to do it when he’s tired or stressed out, deliberately avoided actually asking a question. It’s a simple statement. He’s giving Martin permission to not say a word if he doesn’t want to.

Which…actually, weirdly, makes him want to.

He takes a deep breath. “O-okay. The truth is…I’ve kind of had a crush on you for a while. I wasn’t going to say anything, because it’s—I mean, I didn’t want to make things weird, a-and I know you—I was just trying for ‘he doesn’t think I’m a complete idiot’ for a while there. I also thought it was just a stupid workplace crush, and I was kind of hoping it would eventually go away on its own. It didn’t. Ever since I started living in the Archives, it’s just got worse. I guess that’s why I didn’t realize how the Primes felt about each other. I kind of thought I was projecting, o-or seeing what I wanted to see, maybe? I don’t know. But I do worry, and I do…I do care.”

“That’s not why you went back to Carlos Vittery’s apartment, is it?” Jon’s voice is so soft Martin almost doesn’t hear it, but his eyes are worried. “Because you thought I…?”

“No,” Martin assures him. “No, I—you know, I know I said I was trying to ‘make sure I’d done my due diligence’ and all that, but what was behind that was that I’d been…I felt pressured to go back. Like a nagging, persistent headache. I get it all the time, really, when I’m doing research. Remember when you sent me to track down that…that Angela woman? For the—”

“The man who was falling to pieces. I remember.”

“I know you got exasperated with me, but I literally couldn’t stop until I’d talked to every Angela I could find. I’d think ‘well, I’m not going to find her, I’m going back to the Institute now,’ but I’d get this blinding headache and it wouldn’t go away until I went ‘okay, just one more.’ It’s only got worse as time goes on. So no, I didn’t…get myself into this mess because I was trying to impress you or whatever.” Martin can’t help the small, nervous chuckle that escapes him. “’Course, if it did impress you, I wouldn’t complain.”

“What impressed me was that you kept your head well enough to survive and get back to your apartment, never mind the Institute,” Jon says warmly. “If it were me, I’d likely have done something stupid like go back for my phone when I realized I’d dropped it.” He sighs. “I—I don’t want to make things awkward. But I also don’t want to…promise anything.”

“I don’t expect anything, Jon.” Martin learned a long time ago not to expect anything. As far as he’s concerned, the phrase good things come to those who wait is inapplicable. In his case, it’s more like good things come to those who aren’t you. He has friends, in Tim and Sasha at least. That’s more than he probably deserves.

Jon studies him for a moment, then smiles slightly and holds out his hand. “How about I apologize for being such an ass to you, and we start with friends and see where it goes from there?”

This is the last thing Martin would have ever anticipated, but he’s certainly not going to object. He smiles in reply and takes Jon’s hand. “Deal.”

They shake on it—very gently, Jon is careful of the healing wounds on Martin’s hands—and then sit back. Jon studies Martin. “Did they tell you how long you’ll need to wear the bandages?”

“Until things stop bleeding when I take them off?” Martin shrugs. “Hopefully not too long. Some of them are…deeper than others. I’m supposed to make an appointment with my regular doctor for a follow-up in a couple of weeks.”

“We’ll make sure you get there safely,” Jon promises. He picks up his mug and salutes Martin with it. “After all, what are friends for?”

Martin grins, feeling more relaxed than he’s felt in a while, and salutes Jon back. “What indeed?”

#ollie writes fanfic #leaves too high to touch (roots too strong to fall)#tma #the magnus archives #jonmartin #mentions of emotional abuse #acts of service as a love language

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airi-p4 · 4 years

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Last Chance - Chapter 6

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 AO3

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Chloe’s POV

This is ridiculous. Utterly ridiculous! I spent months- more than a year trying to make Luka mine and only mine and all it's needed is a simple email from the stupid Dupain-Cheng to make it all go down the drain.

Only two months until the Wedding! Two months!! Could she wait at least until after the honeymoon? Maybe I could have gotten pregnant and made it harder for Luka to dump me? Not that I want a baby, ewww, but what other option I have to keep the man I love by my side? I would do anything for him!

Well, it's not like me for things to go according to plan, isn't it? I was supposed to take revenge on Luka, not falling this hard for him! No wonder Marinette is helplessly attracted to him, he's so damn hot. And handsome. And sexy. And yet a sweetheart. No, that last one is not the image that makes a rockstar sell. Good thing I'm his stylist- I get to enjoy him from closer than anyone. And that body… those eyes… and wow, the eyeliner is the final touch that makes me go totally head over heels for him. Goodbye to my original plans- I had to make him mine.

And I was so close too! If it wasn't for that ridiculous Dupain-Cheng... How can she not be content with Adrien? Hello? He’s perfection itself! But no! Ridiculous Marinette Dupain-Cheng thinks not even perfection is good enough for her. She wants Luka now instead of him. Like, seriously? Are you kidding me!? Utterly ridiculous!

You want the man, you fight for him. I'm not letting him go without a fight, no matter what his feelings are! I love him and I don’t care if the designer wannabe does too. He has to be MINE.

And hey! My plan worked for a while! I avoided Luka finding out about Marinette and Adrien's break up, and he even proposed to me after I dropped some hints! Not bad, huh? You can clap. C'mon, give me an applause! Don't I deserve it? Aren’t I amazing? Heh. Of course I am!

Too bad that stupid woman had to interfere with my happiness. So annoying!

As soon as Adrien told me about Marinette's change of feelings I knew my man returning to the woman he had never forgotten was bound to happen. I had to avoid it at all costs!

What if it made Marinette unhappy? Not my problem.

What if Marinette's unhappiness made Luka unhappy? It should be fine as long as he doesn't find out about her unhappiness, shouldn't it? But I still want Luka to be happy… But I'd prefer it to be with me!

That's why I'm ready to give it my all. I want to turn the balance to my side. I want him to love me the most! Am I asking for too much?

But I made the mistake of not deleting that email account. How stupid of me...

I never expect it to be this troublesome, to be honest. As soon as I saw those messages I knew everything was over for me. Still gotta fight- giving up is not my style- but I was at disadvantage.

And I'm angry that I can't hide the truth from him when he looks at me with those trusting eyes. And things are over as soon as he finds out my darkest secrets.

But I tell you: I’m not going down without a fight.

I contacted the Miraculous team and prepared to go to Tibet. "You're amazing…" he said, and he kissed me. Hell, I could fly every time he does that. What has LOVE converted me into? I’m so hopeless around him… Geez.

Later, the talk during our flight was not pleasant, but not unexpected either: he has made up his mind and I'm out of the picture. He seems hurt to know I failed him. Why did I have to tell him my original plans knowing he would hate me afterwards? He has this absolute power over me… I can't deny him anything. I had tried to avoid the talk by asking him to sleep but it didn't really work.

I can’t accept our relationship coming to an end. Not like this.

My heart is totally broken. Nothing I’ve ever felt can compare to this pain. Not even my own mother’s rejection as a child. Not even Adrien's rejection. Nothing.

At Adrien's plane I can't stop drinking alcohol and crying. I'm clearly the ridiculous one, aren’t I? I don't want Luka to go. I'm happy about his casual touches- his habits . They give me security and hope. How can he be so handsome and cute at the same time? Ugh… It’s ridiculous how I keep falling for him everytime he looks at me, even after he has practically dumped me. I'm going crazy, this is insane. It can't be normal…

And finally, we meet with the ridiculous Dupain-Cheng. She could have chosen a less difficult place to access if she planned to go back to the Miraculous box anyway! I hate dark and cold places. Disgusting . I wanted to complain as soon as we reached there but Luka shushed me before I could put those thoughts into words. That’s my man: he knows me well…

But then MY FIANCEE seems to forget about me as soon as he sees the ridiculous Marinette Dupain-Cheng.

Well, I'm not forgetting YOU (or better said- US), even if you do, my love! And I want to stay close to him as long as I can. I want him to look only at me. His attention. I want to be his only one.

That's the reason I keep grabbing his jacket and surrounding him with my arms. My gosh, I love hugging him… So calm, so comfortable, so warm… Not that I would admit it out loud in front of others, but I feel safe with him. How can he do it? Totally ridiculous…

Ugh… I’m sick of being in this cave already. Can’t we just take Marinette down already and leave? Continue our lives as they were going? Forget this happened and keep living? Who cares about Marinette, anyway? She decided to throw away everything she had because she was a COWARD, involving MY MAN, Adrikins, those two useless friends and even an old man who can’t even walk properly on his own feet. Can’t we go back home already? I just want to cuddle with Luka and get our Wedding Ceremony prepared. I just want to be forever happy with the man I love!

Is that asking too much? Am I too selfish?

I don’t think so! But the despicable Dupain-Cheng and her ridiculous wind and flames seem to have a different opinion. Using a forbidden power because she’s scared of fighting me for my man’s love.

Can she be more ridiculous?

Apparently yes.

She's not even the one controlling her body when using that power- pathetic.

And I'm sorry baby, Adrikins, but you're being useless against Marinette. But don’t worry. I'm the best when the power of 'subjection' is needed. Just watch! Learn from the great Queen Bee!

And hey! It worked! I made it to her rolling on the floor behind her, where the wind isn’t as strong, grabbing her ankle. Not bad, huh? But did this girl really need all the fire? Ouch! It hurts, you know!? I’m going to make her pay for it if it leaves any scar on my pure beautiful white skin!

Pfff… The girl didn’t even notice me, how silly…! She clearly has only eyes for ‘ her boys’ . Too bad for her is precisely that attention what made her fall.

My win. Her loss. She can get lost.

Oh, I even made it rhyme! Aren’t I amazing?

And here I have it: the black cat Miraculous, now in my hand. Huh, too easy! And next is time to get the earrings too… Ugh... I can notice those looks on my back... “What? Do I have to do everything alone here?” Useless ridiculous people...

“Chloe… Holy shit… You’re amazing…”

Heh. I love it when Luka compliments me. I could listen to him go on all night. So satisfying. And yet he wants to dump me to go to that useless Marinette’s arms? I love you baby, but you’ve got to be kidding me if you think she’s better than ME!

“Of course I am! Who do you think I am!? I was Queen Bee for a reason! And being useless it’s certainly not it. Unlike you all! Only now you notice how amazing am I!? And yet you want to dump me, baby!? Such a waste for you!”

“What?”

And the most ridiculous girl finally reacts. Everybody look stupid surrounding her in relief.

I’ve saved the day, you should be thankful! I’m the STAR from today’s mission! Where’s my recognition? Nothing? Baby? Not even a kiss? Really? Don’t I deserve at least some attention? Hello?

Do I really mean nothing to them now that Marinette is there? She’s the one who created all this trouble to start with! Why are you all giving her support and love? WHAT ABOUT ME!? No one cares about me!? I'm injured here! No one cares? What makes Marinette so special and me so ‘bad’ in comparison?

I’m sick of it. I hate that girl. I HATE HER.

Seeing her cry or apologize makes me wanna puke. Now she wants to be pitiable? Excuse me, lady, but you got where you are because of your own bad decisions, don’t drag us in your drama any further, duh.

You could have had Luka but chose Adrien instead, and when you get tired of Adrien then you decide you want Luka back, when he’s about to MARRY me! And what’s worse: she’s not even planning to fight for the man she claims she ‘loves’ , but instead relies on magic to destroy the whole world.

Couldn’t she even come and fight me fair and square? No way I would lose in that case! But using the Miraculous is cheating. What do we call this?

Coward: YES. Selfish: YES. Kind person? ABSOLUTELY NOT.

And yet she’s the one being LOVED and I’m the one being HATED. I’m the one heart-broken here, you know? Do my feelings matter to anyone? Luka, baby, not even you? I’m still your fiancée, you know? The engagement ring is proof enough. Is this how I deserve to be treated?

Dumped. Ignored. Despised.

I’ve had enough.

Marinette took everything I loved from me and yet she wanted to be evil? And when she’s already taken all I have left, then she goes after the only thing I really have: LUKA.

I’m furious. Enraged. Hurt.

I can’t take it anymore. I’m going to vent all the hate I’ve been holding for years against her.

I’ll show you what being evil means, Marinette Dupain-Cheng.

“Marinette, Marinette, Marinette! Always Marinette!! I’M SICK of you! First my mother’s attention, next my Miraculous, then Adrien and now Luka! You keep taking everything I love from me and you’re still the good one! The LOVED one! What about ME!? You already had Adrien, why do you need to take Luka away from me too!? I HATE YOU, MARINETTE! I REALLY HATE YOU!”

Yeah, don’t look at me so surprised. What do you expect!? My broken heart for free? NO- I’ll make you pay for that!

I told you: I’m not going down without a fight! Luka is all that matters to me and I’ll fight for him until the last consequences!

They're ridiculous if they think I'll give up on him so easily… You want to be evil, Marinette? Use the Miraculous for stealing my man from me? Very well, I'll show you what being evil means, Dupain-Cheng! I have the right tool on my hand… No- on my finger...

“You know what? I was an awesome superhero before you took away my Miraculous... But there’s something I’ve always been even better at: being a villain. Unlike you, Marinette, who aren’t fit to be evil, I’m the ideal candidate for it! Let me show you what being evil means… Plagg, transform me!”

Ah, a black cat leather suit. I bet it looks amazing on me. I wish I had a mirror to admire myself and my beauty… Oh, I’m sure you like it too, baby. I wish I had used it earlier… But the possibility of it triggering some memories of ‘Ladybug’ made me discard the idea. What a pity. Now the earrings and the absolute power while they’re still trying to cope with how surprised they are about me…

Wait, No. I’m not going to put myself at the same low level as that pitiful woman. And I don’t want to become ugly like she became. Eww. Let’s fight respecting the honor codes: Cat Queen vs Ladybug.

“Want to stop me? Well, that’s Ladybug’s job! Come on and fight me, Dupain-Cheng! Fair and square- no absolute power this time. YOU against ME. ...What? You thought I would give up so easily? I love Luka more than anything! I’m not giving him up like that!”

“Cataclysm!”

Ah, this feels good. I can’t wait to destroy her already… I’ll make her suffer for all the hate I’ve kept inside for so long!

Ah, I missed running with a miraculous suit on… So fast. So free. So close to destroying her!

Ah, not you! Luka, baby, you know I love you, but it’s not you who I wanna fight or destroy. You’re in the way. Why are you protecting someone that hurt you so much? Didn’t she break your heart? Why do you keep protecting and caring for her? It’s over! She dumped you! Let me take revenge for you too!

“Stop it, hon- Chloe”

“MOVE, my love”

“NO”

“I SAID MOVE!!”

“NO!! You don’t have to do this. I know you’re not evil anymore”

Not evil anymore, he says… How naive are you, love? I've decided to change as long as you were by my side. Being kind, being nice… it felt good, actually.

But you choose Marinette? Evil Chloe is back- easy as that.

“Then choose me! That’s all I’m asking! Stay with me! LOVE ME!”

I know my man is not stupid enough to not understand my feelings. Don’t disappoint me! I thought you knew better than that. I thought you knew all I want is your LOVE!

“Chloe… You know it doesn’t work like this…”

And at the end his answer remains the same… He chooses Marinette over me.

Like ALWAYS.

Not that I hadn’t been warned, but this… It hurts… It hurts too much… All because of that stupid low class designer wannabee and her selfishness. I HATE her. And I despise Luka for loving her instead of me. You want to choose her? Accept your punishment, then!

“So you’ve really chosen her over me, huh? It really is hopeless then… Very well, In that case, I’ll destroy you. If you can’t be mine, you won’t be hers either!”

And what now? I really don’t want to destroy him. But rage is controlling me. How am I supposed to live without him? I’ve never loved anyone to this point. Hell, I’ve started to change completely for the first time after meeting with him! Not that I hadn’t tried before but he makes… things so easy…

But I’m hurt. VERY HURT. And angry. VERY ANGRY. And I want to DESTROY the source of my pain. And this man- MY MAN- is the source of it.

If I hadn’t met him…! If I hadn’t been so stupid for falling for him! If he wasn’t so stupidly sweet. And sexy. And cute. And PERFECT .

I hate feeling like this!

And I hate how he’s not moving a finger to try to defend himself from me. Does he think of me lightly? Or WEAK? Unable to be evil, maybe? What are you thinking, baby?

“NO! Don’t touch Luka!”

Ah, and here finally comes Ladybug… Great. I'd rather destroy her than Luka.

“Fight me. Fight for him if you really love him!”

Let the fight begin.

But she won’t shut up… Does she think words can stop me? Really...?

“STOP, Chloe! Don’t you love him? He’s your fiancée! How can you even think of destroying him! You’re heartless! You say I’m the loved one, but I’m not! I envy you! I’ve always been jealous of you!”

Hah. As if I would believe that! Let me enlighten you with the truth you keep denying...

“You’re talking no-sense, Dupain-Cheng! You could have become an Agreste, but you prefered to break his heart instead! You have talent too! And friends! Even Sabrina prefers you over me, now! And moreover, this man here- MY man- he may still be my finacée, but his heart has never belonged to me! You’re the one who won everything, threw it away, and still managed to win again! How do you expect me not to hate you!?”

Bull’s-eye. It’s time for you to open your eyes, Dupain-Cheng. Do you think you’re a good person? You’re NOT!

“I- I never planned to hurt Adrien… Feelings… don’t work like that…! Sometimes, we only notice how valuable something is after we’ve lost it… and that’s what happened to me…! I know I’m just selfish… I may have friends, and a successful job, but I don’t have what I want the most, because you have it…! Aren’t you the one who won!?”

WHAT. THE. HECK?

“ARE YOU NUTS!? How RIDICULOUS can you be!? Can’t you see how his feelings work!? Are you serious!? He rushed here for YOU . Gosh! I thought Adrien’s case was bad, but how blind can you be!?”

Her stupid answers only make me get even more angry. How the hell can she be so stupid? No stopping now. I’m going to destroy her. Preach .

“Ehem… Ladies… Why don't we stop this fight and-”

HUH!? Not now, Luka! This is between Marinette and me!

“Shut up! Don’t interrupt us!”

Oh… But maybe it’s my best way to destroy her… from the inside- from her LOVED ONE. And Luka is just quiet there, looking, analyzing how to make us stop.

Very well.

I’ll make it stop.

Ah, too easy. Here he is: My man. Under my Cataclysm, just about to disappear. And I don’t want him gone. But I want Marinette to suffer just as much as I’m going to suffer from now on if these two get together. How do you expect me to endure it? I can’t.

Luka has to go.

And again, he’s not trying to fight back. Or protect himself. Or anything at all.

His blue eyes, deep and wide as the ocean keep staring at mine, and there’s only one coming from them: TRUST.

I see my own eyes reflected on his, and I notice something I wasn’t aware of: DOUBT. And my inner fears rise again: fear of becoming evil, regret of almost hurting the only man that has been willing to accept me as I am, sadness because I still wish for his happiness, even if it isn’t with me and embarrassment for failing him- his trust in me.

And I can’t keep fighting against these feelings anymore. I can’t keep fighting against his love for my rival. Their mutual love. Their happiness.

I can’t keep becoming what I promised myself I would leave behind: my embarrassing and miserable past- the Chloe that hurt people with no regret, the Chloe that would do anything for selfish reasons only, the Chloe that bullied Luka’s sister and treated her best friend as a slave… The Chloe I’m ashamed of.

I’m sorry for disappointing you, Luka. I’m so sorry...

I promised Luka I would change. And I have to keep my promise, just like he has always been honest to me. I hate it, but I know it’s what I have to do. So ridiculous...

And Ladybug's yo-yo is already immobilizing me. No need, actually, but go on. I don’t care.

I can’t fight anymore. No need to stay transformed either.

It’s over. And I lost.

See? Luka has too much power on me...

I gaze at Ladybug’s eyes to speak my regret. I’ve always admired Ladybug. I wanted to be like her. What happened to me? Deep down I know she’s the most impressive girl out there. I hate to admit it but who could hate Ladybug? No one. She’s simply the best. And I’m just a silly selfish woman scared of being alone.

“See? That’s how a villain acts. You’re a superhero, you could never be a proper villain. Stop acting dramatic over something you’ve never worked hard to get. Crying solves nothing. Waiting solves nothing. You have to fight for what you want”

Ah… I’m probably saying those words to myself. I don’t know. But I know I’m not wrong.

“I’m not-! Oh...”

Yeah… I know. The truth hurts. I want to cry too… I wish I were her… If I was her…

I’ll let her know so she stops doing stupid things from now on.

“You’re utterly ridiculous, Dupain-Cheng. You have everything I’ve always wanted and you thought your best option was to throw away the world's balance without even fighting or trying to win him back? You don’t know how Lucky you are…”

No… I’m aware it’s not a matter of luck, but my pride won’t let me say it out loud. Marinette has always been honest, pure, sincere. On the other hand, I've relied on lies and tricks to get Luka by my side. Of course I can't win against that…

Damn it. I hate crying in front of other people. So WEAK. So ridiculous.

And Luka’s hug only makes me weaker. I don’t want to let him go. Please… Please I want him to stay with me...!

But no- it can’t be.

I’ve already done my best and I lost. I have to give up. Move on…

Ah, I can hear Luka’s voice…

“Thank you, Chloe… You did this to save Marinette, don’t you? I know you wouldn’t have Cataclysmed me or anyone. I knew you had changed. You are a superhero, not a villain”

And his words finish me, regretting my actions, ashamed of who I am.

I thought I had changed too, but it seems I’m still putting myself first, even now.

But yes, his stupidity is contagious and I can’t hide how he's the reason I stopped my wrong-doings. In a direct and an indirect way. Not that I can admit it! I really don’t want to disappoint him any further. So I answer with a lie:

“I- I- Of course!”

Who am I kidding? No way he believes- NO WAY. Let me pass out already! His smile is too pure and bright.

Totally ridiculous.

And I’m still stunned when everyone returns to Marinette Dupain-Cheng. Master Fruit or whatever apologizes and tells her something I don’t even care about.

Can’t this girl stop crying already? She’s got what she wished for now. Can’t she see how happy and stupidly in love is my Luka looking at her? Is she never stopping to be ridiculous? Gosh… And now what? Only now you noticed our injuries? Hell, I’m the most injured one here and no one seems to care. Nevermind, I’m already used to it. Let me go back home already. The humidity of this place is destroying my hair.

Can’t you stop talking already? And there is Marinette with her speech…

"I, Marinette Dupain-Cheng renounce the box of the Miraculous and appoint Ad-"

WAIT, WHAT!?

NO NO NO! This is not how things are supposed to be done, Luka! You can’t just kiss her like that! And you have the guts to kiss her in front of me? At least you should have the decency to break-up with me first! I know I’ve already lost you- I’ve already resigned myself- but at least follow the proper order, damn it! I’m angry. Let me tell you!

“HOW YOU DARE, baby!? You’re ridiculous! We’re still engaged! How could you-!”

Huh? What is happening…? I’m so… sleepy…

Ploff

#my fic #airipyon #airip4 #fic: last chance #lukanette fic #Chloe POV

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punchdrunkdoc · 4 years

Text

Updated K-Drama list (8)

After almost a year of watching KDramas, I’ve finally found a show that has knocked CLOY off the top spot!

The GREAT:

1. Its Ok To Not Be Okay - NEW ENTRY

A children’s author with antisocial personality disorder becomes obsessed with a handsome (but closed-off) carer in a mental health hospital.

I could (and already have) written loads about this show - it became my all-encompassing obsession for the 8 weeks it was on telly. I LOVE IT SO MUCH!! I had a feeling only 1 episode in that it might become my all-time favourite K-drama, and I was right. The quality never dropped for a moment, and it absolutely nailed the ending.

I pretty much love everything about it - the whimsical, fairytale-esque tone, the music, the costumes, the supporting characters, the side plots exploring different mental health issues, the humour, the set design, even the opening credits!

The two leads are so beautiful with SO MUCH chemistry that you could watch them read a phone book and it would be hot. But it became a real three-hander of a show, with the male lead’s autistic brother forming an integral part of the relationship dynamic.

Honestly, I can’t do this show justice with such a short review - just WATCH IT!!

Male lead: Soooo handsome, quiet and compassionate but with a steel core; it’s so fun watching him come out of his shell. Actor also seen in (AASI): My Love from a Star (honestly, he didn’t make much of an impression in that show, but he was amazing in this - he conveys so much emotion with the most subtle facial movements)

Female lead: Absolutely fascinating; so wounded and vulnerable, but projecting this awesome, no-fucks-given, blunt-as-hell exterior. Actress also seen in (AASI): Lawless Lawyer, Hwarang (minor character)

2. Crash Landing on You

He’s from North Korea. She’s from South Korea. They never should have met, but they’ll change each other’s lives.

This was my first K-drama, and although it’s been knocked off the top spot, it’s still fantastic. Its the full package - the entire cast of characters is great, the lead romance is ANGSTALICIOUS and its genuinely, laugh out loud funny (when its not making you cry or swoon). I’ve since discovered that they had a North Korean defector as a consultant working on the show, so apparently the NK scenes are fairly accurate which is SUPER interesting.

Male lead: Officially the best boyfriend ever - absolutely nails the small, romantic gestures. AASI: Hyde, Jekyll & Me.

Female lead: Smart, sassy, and funny. I love her.

3. Healer

The lives, and pasts, of a hot shot reporter, a spunky young tabloid journalist and a mysterious thief-for-hire intersect.

I ADORE this show and its so rewatchable. The plot was tight and engaging, and this is one of the few shows I’ve watched where there didn’t seem to be a lot of filler. The central 3 characters are great, and the romance was amazing. I especially loved that the male lead started off such a brooding loner, but he became super-affectionate as soon as he admitted his feelings. So many good hugs and lots of face-cradling in this one. There’s also a great riff on the Superman/Clark Kent dynamic which was fun!

Male lead: Effortlessly beats up 2 henchmen while comforting his girl over the phone. What more do you need? AASI: The K2, Suspicious Partner, Melting me softly, Backstreet Rookie

Female lead: She doesn’t let her vulnerabilities stop her from getting the story or being with the man she loves. AASI: What’s wrong with secretary Kim, I’ll go to you when the weather is nice, Her private life

4. Itaewon Class

A young man’s life is forever altered when he runs afoul of a powerful family.

This felt like a big step up in quality from everything else in this list, in terms of the production, soundtrack (which was brilliant), the lack of annoying sound effects, and just the overall ‘real world’ feel of the show. All of the characters were fleshed out and 3-dimensional, and they all had their ‘moment’ to shine. The story itself was gripping and so well done - some of the twists and reveals had me gasping! And what can I say about the 2 leads? I love them, both separately, and together. He is so wise beyond his years, and his journey will break your heart and inspire you. She is borderline sociopathic, but I adore her.

Male lead: Tenacious, principled, kind, innocent, caring, driven, loyal…and he can cook! AASI: What’s wrong with secretary Kim, Fight for my way, Hwarang

Female lead: One of the most original Kdrama female characters I’ve seen. Plus she retains her agency all the way through, which is (unfortunately) not always the case with these shows.

5. W - Two worlds

A surgeon gets sucked into the world of her father’s webtoon when the main character’s life is threatened.

This was a WILD ride! The first 4 episodes barrelled through plot at an amazing rate and certain events happen in episode 5 that had me wondering how the show could even continue! But it did…and the plot just got more insane! I loved this show SO much. It kept me guessing, had me on the edge of my seat, and even had room for some of my favourite romance tropes. The central relationship was great, and (because of the insane plot) you basically get 2 love stories for the price of 1. I’ve already watched this whole show again, which is why I’ve bumped it up the ratings a bit!

Male lead: Just a really, really cool guy. Can’t think of how else to describe him! Always in control, calm, unflappable, analysing the situation….but he can break out the cocky charm when needed. AASI: While you were sleeping, Doctor Stranger

Female lead: I really liked her - she had more agency than a lot of other female heroines and I really related to her freaked-out panic in the beginning when she didn’t feel like she was a capable enough doctor to save a life.

6. While you were sleeping

Not to be confused with the Sandra Bullock rom-com from the 90s. Instead, this is about a young woman who can dream the future who has her fate changed by a young prosecutor who suddenly develops the same ability

I was thoroughly and utterly charmed by this show. Everything was so beautifully done - from the cinematography, to the music (OMG the music!), even the title cards were interesting and quirky. The characters were all great - the main leads are so sweet and relatable, the second lead is cute-as-a-button, the villain is properly hissable, and none of the supporting characters/extras annoyed me! The storyline itself was brilliant, with so many great set-ups, pay-offs and twists, and the romance was lovely.

Male lead: A bit of a hot mess of a human being (basically, the polar opposite of his character in W!)…but all the more loveable for it. AASI: W: 2 worlds, Doctor stranger.

Female lead: Smart, sweet, loyal (I really loved her relationship with her mum) and quietly brave.

7. Descendants of the Sun

A special forces Captain meets a capable and beautiful trauma surgeon. They feel an instant bond, but their jobs and philosophy on life get in the way, threatening to tear them apart.

I absolutely LOVE the male lead character, and the romance in this was beautiful. Plus its chock-full of CompetencePorn, with lots of scenes of people being really, really good at their jobs (this is one of my favourite things!). However, it didn’t quite nail the angst, and the last minute was a bit twee which dropped it down the rankings a bit.

Male lead: A cocky, charming, absolute BADASS with the most adorable, cheeky smile.

Female lead: Sweet and a bit out of her depth in the dangerous situations…but put her in charge of a patient and watch her go!

8. Love in the Moonlight / Moonlight Drawn by Clouds

A young woman poses as a eunuch in the Royal Palace and falls in love with the Crown Prince

This was the first period piece I watched and it’s still my favourite - almost entirely because of the male lead and his beautiful face! The start had a really light, comedic tone (and a lot of modern anachronisms - high fives everywhere!) and I loved all the identity-concealing hi-jinks. But then the romance kicked into gear and the DELICIOUS angst started flowing, and I became obsessed with it. It’s like loads of bits of my favourite regency historical romances were mashed up and transported to the Joseon Dynasty. I loved it so much!

Male lead: Manages to look amazingly handsome despite all the period headgear, kicks ass with a sword, and doesn’t allow himself to be manipulated by the corrupt officials surrounding him. Also acts like an adorable goofball when he’s in love.

Female lead: Loved her at the start - she’s scrappy and independent and capable. Unfortunately, becomes too much of a plot device by the end. AASI: Backstreet Rookie

9. I’ll Go to You When the Weather is Nice / I’ll Find You on a Beautiful Day

A cellist disillusioned with life in Seoul returns to her small home town for the winter.

This was achingly sweet and wonderful. The slow unfolding of the story, the beautiful scenery, and the simple yet moving score all combine to make this feel like the type of small town contemporary romance novel I love to read on a rainy day in front of a fire. Whilst long-held, painful secrets are eventually revealed, there is no massive conflict involved, with no antagonist or over-wrought external drama. Its just the tale of two sad, lonely people who have withdrawn from the world forming a connection with each other and trying to overcome their issues (she has a fear of abandonment; he’s a loner who has a tendency to disappear). As a bonus, there’s a bookclub with a wonderful cast of secondary characters - I wanted to spend more time with all of them.

Male Lead: Precious Cinnamon Roll, to be protected at all costs. AASI: Are you human too

Female lead: Wears her heart on her sleeve. Refreshingly, she’s the instigator of the relationship and isn’t the usual passive, coy female. AASI: What’s wrong with secretary Kim, Healer, Her private life

10. Goblin

A 900yr old immortal guardian finally meets the ‘bride’ who will end his existence

Once I got over the slight ick-factor of the age difference between the two characters at the beginning, I really fell for this show and it’s world. It had me in floods of tears at some points, and it was laugh out loud funny at others. I especially loved the secondary character of the Grim Reaper and his reluctant bromance with the Goblin.

Male lead: Surprising innocent and funny for a 900 year old

Female lead: Also innocent, but in some ways wise beyond her years. Her tears will make you cry (the actress is very good at sobbing her heart out!). AASI: The King, eternal monarch

11. What’s Wrong with Secretary Kim

An personal assistant decides to quits her job in order to get a life. Her boss has other ideas.

This was my first Park Seo Joon drama, and he’s great in it. He somehow turns a self-centred, entitled and vain boss into an endearing character! The central romance is amazing - I can rewatch their scenes again and again - and its a bit more mature than some of the others on this list (be sure to check out the extended scene!!). It has some of the best kisses in Kdrama.

Male lead: Like I said, somehow makes vanity and narcissism endearing. Also not afraid to get his shirt off and flash his 6-pack. Bonus. AASI: Itaewon Class, Fight for my way, Hwarang

Female lead: I’m a sucker for uber-competent people so I loved this character. Park Min Young has become one of my favourites, and she is STUNNING in this. AASI: I’ll go to you when the weather is nice, Healer, Her private life

12. Legend of the Blue Sea

A mermaid comes onto land to find the man she loves

The (literal) fish-out-of-water scenes in the first half of this show were hilarious - the actress is a comic genius! The romance was nicely done, and there wasn’t a lot of extraneous plot or too many characters. It also nicely incorporates scenes from the Joseon era, so you get a partial historical romance thrown in for free!

I couldn’t stop watching this one and I’ve since rewatched it too! Definitely one to check out.

Male lead: Cocky, arrogant conman with a soft mushy centre. AASI: The King, Eternal monarch, Heirs.

Female lead: Steals the show - funny, smart and beautiful. AASI: My love from the Star.

13. Into the Ring/The Ballot - NEW ENTRY

An out-of-work young woman decides to run for office and faces all sorts of challenges in her quest to right some wrongs and earn a living.

This show has one of my favourite ever female characters - she’s headstrong, hard working, and quick to violence but so cute and charming with the most adorable laugh! She tries to act all cynical (that she’s only in it for the money) but she is actually really caring and kind. I sooo wanted her to succeed against the establishment of corrupt assholes that she worked with. Seeing her become disillusioned with politics and her colleagues was heartbreaking, and watching her fight back was great.

Her dynamic with the male lead was also great - he’s quietly in awe of her even when he’s exasperated and borderline scared of her. And he’s super supportive. It was so much fun watching her drag him out of his monotonous, dull life. They also weren’t stingy with the PDA which was so refreshing.

On a superficial level, the show was also visually interesting, with loads of cool angles and blue lens flare. And the overall light, funny tone made it so watchable.

Male lead: Adorkable

Female lead: The literal embodiment of sunshine and determination. I have a bit of a crush on her!

14. The King: Eternal Monarch

The reigning King of the Kingdom of Corea discovers a gateway to a parallel world - the Republic of Korea

This is the first drama I’ve watched in ‘real time’ but I think it would work better as a binge - there are a LOT of characters, and many have dopplegangers (because of the parallel world thing) so it became hard to keep track of who was who. I also think the progression of the romance is better appreciated in a binge (I wrote about it here - ignore the speculation; i got it so wrong LOL!). Unfortunately, the plot also had major holes in it (the ‘rules’ for the gateway/magical flute didn’t make sense) and It was difficult at times to differentiate Corea from Korea - a major failing of the editing.

Buuuuuut, it still made my ‘Great’ list because all of those issues were outweighed by the sheer epicness of this show. The gorgeous sets, the dramatic scenery, the ANGST-filled, beautiful romance…at one point the King rides a majestic white horse into battle with a sword on a neon-lit highway to save the woman he loves. I mean, come on! Plus, its really funny - the ‘fish out of water’ scenes when the King first arrives in Korea, the chalk and cheese dopplegangers Yeong and Eun-Seob, the King’s constant threats of beheading…I loved those elements so much!

Male lead: Gives Ri Jeong-Hyeok from CHOY a run for his money in the ‘Best Boyfriend’ competition. AASI: Legend of the blue sea, Heirs.

Female lead: A bad-ass cop. Takes a while to believe Lee Gon’s story, but once she decides to go all in…she goes all in, and loves unreservedly with her whole heart. AASI: Goblin

15. Tomorrow with you

A time-traveller struggling to live in the present meets a woman trying to let go of her past.

This reminded me a bit of ‘I’ll go to you when the weather is nice’ in terms of the melancholic tone, the simple but effective music, and the beautiful lighting etc. There were also some really interesting, innovative shots which I appreciated.

It took a few episodes to get into and it was a bit frustrating in the middle - so much could have been solved if people just TALKED to each other!! Plus the rules for this version of time travel weren’t really clear…But the last few episodes were brilliant; the way the story came together, and all the little bits of set up were paid off was really well done. These episodes alone were enough to bump this up to the ‘Great’ category (especially, given there was a bit of a Lake House vive at one point - I’m a sucker for that movie. The romance was also beautifully portrayed; I could endlessly watch their domestic scenes - they had such good chemistry and banter.

Male lead: Absolutely, but endearingly, terrible at relationships. He ends up falling in love against his will and largely without realising it.

Female lead: A bit of a mess and a borderline alcoholic, but so cute and innocent. I love the way she talks to herself, she’s so funny! AASI: Oh My Venus

16. Fight for my Way

Two life-long friends decide to go after their dreams

I fast-forwarded large chunks of this (I wasn’t interested in the secondary couple at all), but it still made my ‘Great’ list because this is one of the best friends-to-lovers stories I’ve seen. You truly buy that these 2 have known each other their entire lives (their bickering and teasing feels so natural). And then when they take the next step, they’re so affectionate and refreshingly open with their feelings. Speaking of which, this also has some great kissing scenes (Park Seo Joon is the master!)

Male lead: I love his contradictions. He’s goofy and childish…but can really turn on the sexy charm; he’s a badass MMA fighter…who loves when his girlfriend sticks up for him and protects him. AASI: What’s wrong with secretary Kim, Itaewon class, Hwarang

Female lead: Takes no shit from anyone and will fight for her man! AASI: Descendants of the sun (secondary character)

17. Suspicious Partner

A young, hardworking lawyer has her life turned upside down when she is put on trial for murder.

This was officially bumped up the list a while ago, and I stand by the decision. Its still overly long, but the serial killer plot had some nice twists and it was central to the story, so it didn’t feel extraneous like some of these types of plots do. Mainly, I just loved the central romance - the 2 characters sparked off each other so well and I loved their evolution from sort-of enemies to lovers. This is another show where I can endlessly rewatch their scenes together.

Male lead: Its Ji Chang Wook! He’s so good at playing serious guys who are secretly big dorks. AASI: Healer, The K2, Melting me softly, Backstreet Rookie

Female lead: Fate deals her a shitty hand, but she perseveres with grace and determination. She’s great. AASI: Shopaholic Louis, 100 days my prince.

The GOOD:

1. I Am Not a Robot

A man who is allergic to human contact finds companionship with a robot…or does he?

I honestly thought I wouldn’t make it passed a couple of episodes of this - the concept was just too ridiculous. But I’m glad I persevered, because it developed some real depth and some proper good angst towards the end and I LOVED the central relationship. I’ve rewatched loads of this one.

Actress ASI: Piece of Your Mind; Love in the moonlight (secondary character)

2. I Remember You - NEW ENTRY

A famous criminal profiler gatecrashes the investigation of a serial killer, hoping it will restore the missing memories of his childhood trauma

I really liked the set up of this - the lead character is introduced like a young Sherlock Holmes (the music even reminded me of the score for the BBC Sherlock series). The super-observant, socially awkward thing kind of dropped off as the series progressed, but I still enjoyed how the plot developed, especially with Park Bo-Gum’s character; I’ve only ever seen him play innocent cutie-pies, so this role was a bit of a surprise!

The female lead was like an anime character come to life (she was petite and cute with enormous eyes), but I also loved her personality; she was tenacious, and dogged and took no shit from anyone. She had a cute, antagonistic relationship with the profiler at the start (which I loved) which eventually led to some really sweet, touching moments.

Actor ASI: Shopping King Louis

3. Hotel del Luna

A hotel for wandering spirits gets a new human manager - and he forms a surprising connection to the enigmatic 1300 year old owner

If I had to describe this show in one word it would be ’lavish’. It’s a feast for the eyes - from the set design, to the costumes, to the CGI views of the hotel towering over the moon-lit Seoul cityscape, its stunning. It also plays with aspect ratios in a cool way (watch for the shots where the action spills over into the black bars top and bottom of the screen).

In terms of the characters, I really liked IU in this; her character may be uncaring, world-weary, and money-hungry, but she’s also immensely charming. I admit I got more platonic vibes with her and the male lead, but I still liked their relationship. I also really liked the stories of the ghosts passing through (some reduced me to tears with very little screen time) and there were a couple of GREAT cameos. Especially the one at the very end - I want more of him, please!!

Actress ASI: Scarlet heart

4. My Holo Love

A lonely woman falls for a holographic AI and then meets his creator…

I love the concept of this show (I’m a big sci-fi nerd), and I think this stayed in my ‘favourite’ list for so long because it was the first Kdrama of this genre that I saw. I still love it - especially because of how beautifully it’s shot, and how well the story comes together - but I’m not dying to rewatch any of it, unlike all the others shows that are now on the ‘great’ list.

5. Extraordinary You

A high school student discovers she’s a supporting character in a comic book

The plot of this was so cool, and the way the comic story played out interspersed with the characters ‘real lives’ was really well done. Plus the central couple were so adorable. It dragged in the middle section (several versions of the same conversations were had, and the same exposition was spelled out multiple ways for no apparent reason) which kept it out of my favourite list, but it redeemed itself with some good angst at the end, and it had a really lovely ‘epilogue’.

AASI: A couple of the secondary male leads have a mini-reunion in ‘I’ll go to you when the weather is nice’!

6. Just Between Lovers - NEW ENTRY

Three people impacted by a tragic shopping mall collapse start working on a building project together, unaware of their shared past.

I absolutely adore the male lead in this - he is the archetypal tortured hero (I constantly wanted to give him a hug and a warm meal). He’s also wonderfully romantic in his own, straightfoward, no-nonsense way. The female lead was really likeable - l love capable women and she is the definition of that (she even drives a lorry at one point!). There’s a lot of pain and angst in this show, with very little levity, but it strangely never felt heavy. I really liked it.

Actress ASI: Melting me Softly

7. Strong Girl Bong-Soon

A woman with inherited super-strength gets a job as a bodyguard for an eccentric young CEO

The lead couple in this are AD-OR-ABLE and I loved their relationship. But there was a weird tone issue in this show. The romance is super cute…but there’s a whole dark sub plot involving multiple women being held captive by a psychopath, and a really grating cast of ‘bad guy’ extras. I ended up fast forwarding most of that, and just concentrated on the romance - If someone could do a supercut of all their scenes, I would watch it on a loop.

Actor ASI: Hwarang, Heirs (minor character)

8. 30 but 17/Still 17 - NEW ENTRY

A 17 year old girl gets into an accident and wakes from a coma 13 years later.

I was worried going into this that the romance (between a 30 year old man and (essentially) a 17 year old girl) would feel icky and uncomfortable. But the writers made the wise choice of creating a 30 year old man with the emotional maturity of a 17 year old. He is so awkward and unworldly, that they actually work really well together. In fact, I loved their relationship. The secrets in this show took faaaar too long to be revealed, which made me worried that the eding would be too rushed, but there was actually time for a nice ‘epilogue’. Plus, all the supporting characters were great (including the wonderfully weird housekeeper Jennifer) and the cutest dog in the world was in this. So I definitely recommend it.

9. Mystic Pop-up Bar - NEW ENTRY

As punishment for past sins, a woman must solve the grudges of 100,000 people by entering their dreams

This was an unexpected delight. I started watching it after spotting a cute gifset on tumblr (which I didn’t realise contained huge spoilers!). The story and tone is (mostly) light and quirky, and I particularly enjoyed the worldbuilding - the banal bureaucracy of the afterlife in this even reminds me a bit of The Good Place. I’m a sucker for a ‘found family’ theme and this one was done really nicely. It also had 2 main ships - one really cute and innocent, the other took me by surprise with how moving it was. Similarly, some of the episode-specific stories and characters (i.e. the individual grudges) made me tear up.

10. 100 days my prince

A Prince loses his memory during an assassination attempt and ends up living as a peasant for 100 days.

Another period piece; the plots of these seem a little repetitive (Crown prince’s life is threatened by scheming Minister) but the central cast and the romance usually makes up for it. Same for this show - I really enjoyed watching the spoiled, grumpy puppy of a Prince try to cope with manual labour, and the female lead was capable, and endearing.

Actress ASI: Suspicious partner, Shopaholic Louis

11. Weightlifting Fairy Kim Bok-Joo

A young talented weightlifter experiences first love

Honestly, I wasn’t sold on this at first; the female lead was a bit much (lot of gurning and over-acting) and there was a weird disconnect between how she was described (big, overweight, manly, unfeminine) and how she actually looked (thin and beautiful!). But the back half of this show saved it; her relationship with Joon-Hyung was sooooo cute. He is adorable, and they were both so supportive of each other’s dreams. I finished this with a big smile on my face.

Actor ASI: Bride of the Water God, Scarlet heart (tertiary character)

12. Are You Human Too

A mother separated from her son builds a robotic replacement. Decades later, he has to take the place of the ‘real’ son.

I loved the evolution of the robot in this - it never went the way of a full Pinnochio story, but it was fun to see him learning about the real world and how humans interact. It also posed some interesting questions - what does it mean to be human? And how would you react if you were ‘replaced’ by an artificial version?

The actor in this was fantastic. The way he could change from the real Nam Shin to Nam Shin III with the most subtle shifts in posture and facial expression was really impressive. It took me longer to warm to the female lead, and by the end she was given very little to do…but her unflinching support and unconditional love for Nam Shin III won me over. Some of the supporting characters didn’t work for me, and it was far too long…but worth a watch for the lead actor’s performance. Plus, Nam Shin III is an absolute cutie-pie.

Actor ASI: I’ll go to you when the weather is nice

13. Shopaholic Louis/ Shopping King Louis

The young, shopaholic heir to a large department store empire loses his memory and has to live as a poor man

The male lead in this is an absolute puppy dog and I ADORE him. He squeals when he sees bugs, he can’t run to save his life, and he’s the type of guy who will punch someone and immediately apologise and ask if they’re ok. He’s spoilt, entitled, demanding and has no concept of the value of money…but thanks to the actor portraying him, he just comes across as innocent, sweet and lonely (he spends all his time shopping and accumulating stuff because they fills up his empty life). The female lead is just a really nice, kind person; at first Louis seems like he’ll be just one more burden she needs to take care of, but he makes it clear from the start that she can count on him to help her too - something she’s never had before. Their relationship develops so naturally and thoroughly that you cant help but feel they are perfect for each other. I watched this with a big smile on my face.

Actor ASI: I Remember You

Actress ASI: Suspicious partner, 100 days my prince

14. Oh My Venus

The previously much-lusted after ‘Venus of Daegu’ fulfilled her dream of becoming a lawyer - but she gained weight and lost her self esteem in the process.

I adored the female lead - she was so relentlessly bright and optimistic that you couldn’t help but love her and root for her. I was a bit worried going in that there was going to be a lot of fat-shaming, but the male lead made it clear that he was more interested in her internal health than her external appearance (and you could tell he started to fall for her when she was chubby, so it wasn’t superficial in that way). I wasn’t expecting for him to become so much of the focus in the second half of the show (I thought he was just going to be a hunky trainer; I should have known better - in a Kdrama there is always a Tragic Backstory looming!). Their relationship was so natural and cute - the bit with the dimples never got old - and overall, this was a fun, easy watch.

Actress ASI: Tomorrow with you.

Actor ASI: My secret Terrius, Master’s sun.

15. A Piece of your Mind - NEW ENTRY

A classical music recording engineer meets an AI designer.

I struggled to sum-up the concept of this in one sentence, because the ‘plot’ is so arbitrary (and the AI stuff makes no sense whatsoever!). It’s really more of a mood piece - the lighting, the music and the performance combine to make this a strangely ethereal show, dealing with unrequited love, grief and the importance of human connection. It’s slow and contemplative and a little odd in its structure (there’s very little set-up, so you feel like you’ve been dropped into episode 3 of an established show). This may put some people off, but I really liked it.

I started watching it because of the leads (who I’ve loved in other shows) and they didn’t disappoint. She is so kind and lovely; he’s a little odd - like a robot learning about life. But their relationship is so beautiful (it even included one of my favourite niche tropes: insomniacs who can only sleep around each other).

Apparently the episode run was cut down from 16 to 12 because of poor ratings, which is a real shame because i think a bit more time was needed to really sell the female lead’s emotional arc. It all felt a little rushed at the end, but I still enjoyed it, and admired that it tried something a little unconventional.

Actor ASI: While you were sleeping (secondary lead).

Actress ASI: I am Not a Robot; Love in the moonlight (secondary character)

16. Rookie Historian - NEW ENTRY

An independent, educated woman choses to become one of the first female court historians, rather than get married.

This show had a really interesting premise and I enjoyed watching the rookie female historians navigate court-life (battling workplace harassment, misogyny and patriarchal values) and developing a real friendship with each other.

The female lead was fantastic - she was headstrong, pragmatic, unapologetically intelligent, a lover of books and a hater of injustice. She shared that love of books with the male lead, who was sensitive, soft-spoken, and innocent. The ultimate beta hero, who’s romantic fantasies involved him feeding her cookies and fanning her while she sleeps!

Their romance took a backseat for a lot of the show, but I didn’t mind as the plot was exploring interesting topics such as intruders from the West, catholicism, and censorship, etc.

Actor ASI: My ID is Gangnam Beauty

Actress ASI: Bride of Habaek

17. Tempted/The Great Seducer - NEW ENTRY

In an act of revenge, a wealthy heir makes a bet with his friends to seduce a hardworking female college student

10 minutes into this I started to get major Cruel Intentions vibes…which made sense when I found out it was also an adaptation of Dangerous Liaisons! It doesn’t have the dark edge or overt sexuality of Cruel Intentions (which is one of my favs) but its still good - mainly due to the male lead. I ADORED him in TKEM and he’s really good here. I’m a sucker for the ‘bad boy falls in love for the first time’ trope and he played it so well. The female lead was also good - she was self-aware, strong, intelligent and took no shit. I was less interested by the love affairs of the adults around them, but overall it was a good show.

Actor ASI: TKEM (secondary character)

18. My Love from the Star

Alien stranded on earth meets an actress soon before he’s due to be rescued.

It took a couple of goes to get into this one, but I’m glad I finally watched the whole thing (the female lead was initially very irritating, but she improved a lot). I enjoyed the present-day romance and all the flashes back to the past. However, the ending was really abrupt and disappointing (which kept it out of my favourite list). There should have been 1 less filler episode in the middle, and a decent, fleshed out finale instead.

Actor ASI: Its ok to not be ok.

Actress ASI: Legend of the blue sea

19. Because this is my First Life

A rational-to-a-fault software designer and an aspiring screenwriter come up with an unconventional way to solve their housing problem

When I started this, I thought it was going to be all light and fluffy (the main character’s job in the beginning was to insert the product placement in Korean dramas - hello, Red Ginseng! - which I found hilarious and meta) but it had a surprisingly melancholic tone throughout and touched on issues of workplace harassment and gender roles. I didn’t warm to the male lead until right at the end (which was probably partly intentional - he’s very remote and closed off) but overall I found the story quite lovely. Plus it had a really great central female friendship and their conversations actually passed the Bechdel test!

20. My shy boss / Introverted boss

An extroverted actress takes a job at a PR company working for a man with crippling shyness

This was another deceptive show; I thought from the title and the synopsis that it would just be a light opposites attract comedy about an introverted man and an extroverted woman. But I was almost in tears by the second episode when the Tragic Backstory came to light, and we saw the full extent of the Boss’ struggles to communicate with other human beings. He has such a rich, funny, and smart inner monologue, and the way he overthinks every interaction is really endearing…which makes the contrast with his silent and withdrawn external persona all the more stark and heartbreaking. You really root for him to find happiness. This was overly long (a common pitfall with these shows) and there was some distracting shaky camera work in some of the close ups. There were also implications early on about workplace sexual harassment and possibly dubious consent in a one night stand which were dropped, leaving a bit of a sour note. Despite that, it was overall fairly enjoyable and has one of the cutest confession scenes!

The OK

1. The K2

An ex-mercenary takes a job as a bodyguard protecting the illegitimate daughter of a politician. A sort-of Snow White retelling.

This started off really well; there are some amazing fight sequences (hello, shower room scene!) and JCW has never been hotter - its worth watching for him alone. However, the back half became really bogged down in double crosses and manipulations, and it focussed too much on the politicians. The writers did well to give these characters some layers, but they were all essentially doing bad things for the wrong reasons, and I just didn’t care about them. The show was much better when it was following K2’s journey. The romance also started off well, but was a bit underdeveloped (mainly because they barely interacted).

Actor ASI: Healer, suspicious partner, Backstreet rookie, Melting me softly

2.Bride of Habaek / Bride of the Water God

A God of the Land of Water visits the human realm to fulfil a task before ascending to his throne. He enlists the help of a ‘divine servant’, a down-on-her-luck psychiatrist.

I started this because I liked the lead actor. His baby-face can’t quite pull off the intensity needed for this role, but he was still cute as the arrogant, imperious God brought low by his circumstances - no money, house, powers or (most importantly to him) driving license. I also liked the female lead - she so desperately wanted to hide her kind, compassionate heart from a world that had battered and bruised her. There were some good individual scenes (especially the 'confession’ moment, which was just lovely), but the show ran out of steam towards the end, and ultimately felt like a waste of potential.

Actor ASI: Weightlifting fairy Kim Bok-joo

Actress ASI: Rookie Historian

3. Her Private Life

A talented art curator tries to keep her professional persona separate from her fangirl obsession with a pop idol.

This was cute and I loved the central relationship - he was so supportive of her, and their interactions were refreshingly mature and their banter felt really natural. Ultimately, it was a bit forgettable (I’m not dying to rewatch any of it), and the last minute tacked-on childhood trauma subplot was really unnecessary.

Actress ASI: Healer, Whats wrong with secretary kim, I’ll go to you when the weather is nice.

4. Touch Your Heart

Star actress rocked by scandal works at a law firm to prepare for her comeback role

This starred the secondary couple from Goblin and I really like them, even though they are playing very different characters in this (more opposites attract, than doomed lovers). It’s a bit too ‘cutesy’ and I had to fast forward a lot of the secondary romances which I wasn’t invested in.

5. My Secret Terrius

A secret agent on the run gets embroiled in the life of his next door neighbour - a mum of young twins.

The romance in this was underwhelming; the two characters ended in a really cute place, but it felt like set up for a story I probably would have liked more than this one. In saying that, this was still a relatively enjoyable watch; the female lead was great - she was constantly underestimated as ‘just a housewife’ but she was smarter, and more determined and resourceful than the spies around her. The male lead’s interactions with the twins were adorable, and there was a good cast of supporting characters. However, I’ve already pretty much forgotten the main espionage plot!

Actor ASI: Oh My Venus

6. Lawless Lawyer

A gangster-turned-lawyer moves to Gisung to take on corruption with the help of a suspended female attorney

I liked this more at the beginning; it reminded me a bit of Itaewon Class, with a charismatic lead, an intricately plotted revenge scheme that the audience only becomes aware of as the series progresses, and a take-no-shit female lead who was introduced hitting an authority figure! However, it never really gripped me (it took me weeks to finish) and a couple of the villains were overacting and hamming it up all over the place. But I loved the two leads, and their relationship was good, despite feeling a bit rushed.

Actor ASI: Scarlet Heart

Actress ASI: Its ok to not be ok, Hwarang (tertiary character)

7. 1% of Something - NEW ENTRY

To gain his inheritance, an arrogant, aloof CEO has to enter into a marriage contract with a sweet primary school teacher.

I liked how streamlined this was: it was just a show about two people who fall in love despite their best intentions. There was no overly complicated plot, and even the conflict that keeps them apart towards the end felt very organic and unforced.

She is a delightful ball of sunshine. He is a little overbearing but has his own charm. And bear with the bad haircut and appalling fashion sense - he improves at the end!

8. Melting Me Softly

Two people are accidentally cryogenically frozen for 20 years. They have to navigate the modern world and their new lives together.

Another good concept, but it ultimately descended into little more than a light work-place romance. Had a couple of good kissing scenes, but it was overall a bit forgettable.

Actor ASI: The K2, healer, suspicious partner, backstreet rookie

Actress ASI: Just Between Lovers

9. My Sassy Girl

A 'sassy’ princess meets an ambitious scholar in less than ideal circumstances…

I enjoyed the fact that this Joseon period drama focused on a Princess for a change, and not a prince. She came across as more 'obnoxious and immature’ than 'sassy’ in the beginning, but once it was made clear that she was actually a decent, kind person underneath, I soon warmed to her. I also liked the relationship with the male lead, which amounted to a pretty good enemies-to-lovers story. It took a bit of an unexpected turn right at the end, but my independent, feminine self was good with it. Overall, this was a pretty easy watch, but nothing special.

10. Hwarang

Follows a peasant who joins the newly-created Hwarang (Poet Warrior Youths in ancient Korea) to enact revenge for the death of his best friend

I enjoyed the scenes of the Hwarang hanging out and bonding - so many cute bromances in this! But I couldn’t really connect with the central story and romance, due to a major case of SLS (Second Lead Syndrome) - as much as I’m a fan of Park Seo-joon, I adore Park Hyung-sik, and I found his character, journey and relationship with the female lead much more compelling. The ending still managed to feel somewhat satisfying, but I won’t be rewatching any of it.

Actor ASI: Itaewon class, What’s wrong with secretary kim, Fight for my way

The BAD

1. Hyde, Jekyll and Me

A woman becomes involved in the lives of 2 men, who share one body

Hyun Bin is sooo watchable in this, especially as the slick-haired, glasses-wearing, uptight Seo-Jin. And the show started well…but quickly went off the rails into a convoluted, dragged-out revenge plot. It was a bit of a slog to get through, to be honest.

Actor ASI: CLOY

2. Queen: Love and War

The long lost twin of a recently assassinated Queen assumes her identity to enter the Bridal selection to wed the resurrected King and seek revenge.

This was a bit of a mess (as you can tell from that synopsis!); it felt like the first few episodes were rushed through as a sort of ‘prologue’ before the main thrust of the story…but that prologue contained A LOT of plot with some major character revelations that were rapidly skimmed over (e.g. the female lead was introduced as having complete amnesia; but almost out of nowhere she casually mentions that she got all her memories back and now knows who she is). Because of this, it took me a while to get a sense of who the characters really were. A lot of the usual Joseon plot points played out (scheming ministers and untrustworthy queens) but it had some unique features - I especially enjoyed the bridal selection scenes and seeing the lead female outwitting her rivals in the various challenges. But ultimately, I fast forwarded a lot of this and it was pretty forgettable.

Actress ASI: Doctor Stranger.

Actor ASI: Backstreet Rookie (secondary character)

3. Backstreet Rookie

A struggling young woman takes a part-time job at the convenience store run by her high school crush.

I was really not a fan of this show, and probably would have stopped watching if it wasn’t for Kim Yoo-jung. Her character was really likeable - kickass, but vulnerable, and so loving and kind. You were really rooting for her throughout. The show also had some interesting things to say about inequality (there was a lovely scene between the male leads’s parents in episode 10 touching on this theme)…but that’s about it for the positives.

Overall, it was just too OTT and manic and most of the characters were barely more than cartoonish caricatures. One character was actually repulsive, and the fact that he got his own romantic subplot was just gross. I’m a big fan of Ji Chang-wook, but I didn’t like some of his acting choices in this, and his character spent far too long in a relationship with another woman, which meant the main romance felt underdeveloped.

And…it ended without a kiss. I was so pissed off! I put up with 16 episodes of crap, expecting a decent pay-off at the end…but no. I wouldn’t recommend this one.

Actress ASI: Love in the Moonlight

Actor ASI: Suspicious Partner, Healer, K2, Melting me Softly

The UNCLASSIFIABLE

Moon Lovers: Scarlet Heart Ryeo

A modern girl is transported 1000 years into the past where she becomes embroiled in the lives of the Royal Princes.

I honestly don’t know where I stand with this one! Did I love it? Did I hate it? I seriously don’t know!

I was reluctant to start this (I knew it didn’t have a happy ending) but I was told its a rite of passage for KDrama newbies to watch this show. And there were some great things about it - the male lead was amazing! So intense and tragic, with the most arresting face. The music was also GORGEOUS, as was the scenery - the whole production felt very sumptuous. The palace intrigue stuff was also more compelling than most of the other historic dramas I’ve seen. I recognised several of the Princes from other shows, and I became really invested in 3 of them…which made the constant threat of them betraying each other/killing each other AGONISING. This show was heavy on the Emotional Torture Porn, and some of it felt gratuitous, because I just didn’t understand the motivations behind some of the plot points/character’s actions.

I also wasn’t a big fan of the female lead; partly because the actress only seemed to have 2 facial expressions to work with, but partly because and any hints that she was a modern girl with modern sensibilities quickly disappeared. It was this independence and spunk that made all the princes fall for her (to varying degrees) but she lost all of that and it left me wondering why they bothered with the time travel aspect at all.

I finished the show feeling wrung out and with the overwhelming sense of “Why? What was the point of that?”

Buuuuuut…it has lingered with me - as @talenevertold said when we were discussing the show, “Nobody enjoys it in the process… but it leaves this unique bittersweet aftertaste…” and that’s absolutely true; and it probably true that this show IS a rite of passage that everyone should watch. But don’t say I didn’t warn you!

and...The MEH (i.e. DNF):

This list is getting long! I have a bit less patience with shows than I did in the beginning - there are so many to get through, so I’m not willing to waste my time on anything that either doesn’t grip me from a story perspective, is far too slow, has mediocre acting and/or is too soapy.

Master’s sun

Tale of Nokdu

The Heirs

Meow, the Secret Boy

Love Alarm

One Spring Night

Suits

Chocolate

Doctor Stranger

The scholar who walks the night

If I’ve made a heinous mistake by dropping any of these - get in touch and plead the case for why i should give them another chance!

#kdrama #kdrama recommendations

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