#henry: *facepalm*

[aragarna]

Facepalm Friday - Henry Calvin as Sergeant Garcia and Britt Lomond as Comandante Monastario (Zorro 1957, 1x07)

[jaeedraszaerysz]

BOWERS GANG INCORRECT QUOTES

I used this random quotes generator thingy and it had me cackling so I thought I'd share <3

---

Vic: You know what?

Vic: When I join this friend group I thought you guys would be dealing with my bullshit.

*Patrick, Henry and Belch continue screaming about mold water*

Vic: Not the other way around.

Y/n: I dunno, sounds like you need to drink the mold water.

---

Patrick: God, if only someone loved me…

Vic: *standing behind them with roses*

Henry: *holding box of chocolates*

Belch : *has balloons and a card*

Y/n: *facepalms* This is sad.

---

Vic: Guys, I’ve been meaning to tell you… Patrick and I are dating.

Patrick, Belch , Y/n, and Henry: *gasp*

Vic: Patrick, why are you surprised?!

---

Patrick, singing: I don’t want a lot for Christmas, there is just one thing I need—

Vic: A family.

Belch : A better love life.

Y/n: Mental stability.

Henry: *clueless* Bagels?

---

Y/n: You really put aside everything and came all this way for me? How did you even get here so fast?

Belch : Several traffic violations.

Patrick: Three counts of resisting arrest.

Vic: Roughly thirteen cans of energy drinks.

Henry: Also, that’s not our car.

---

Belch : Are we really going to let Vic keep Y/n?

Henry: We kept Patrick.

[adriennebarnes]

Hello! I don't know if you accept requests but Henry eating for the first time esquites/chaskas/elote in a glass, whatever they tell him in your country because in mine they are called chaskas 😭😭

In Mexico, it’s esquites if it’s in a cup and of course elote if it’s on the cob. I do accept requests! Helps with la falta de imaginación

Something New

Pairing: Henry Cavill x Hispanic/Latina! Reader

Summary: Henry meets Y/N’s parents for the first time and tries traditional Mexican food.

Warning: no translated Spanish, spelling and grammatical errors,

A/N: Im gonna input my childhood, obviously.

Y/N was making lunch her and Henry when she got a phone call.

“Bueno?” Y/N asked, adding pasta into the boiling water.

“Hola hija! Cómo estás?” Her mom asked on the other line. Y/N walks away from the stove.

“Mami, estoy bien, y tú? Por qué me estás llamando?” Y/N asked, walking to the living room and swatted Henry’s shoulder, he looked back confused.

“Estoy bien, hija, gracias por preguntar.” Y/N put her mom on speaker. “Como pascua es este domingo, quiero que vengas con tu noviecito, han estado saliendo por un rato y no le hemos conocido ni nada.” Y/N’s mom said and Y/N’s eyes widened, now Henry was concerned, he might not know a lot of Spanish, but he could tell by his girlfriend’s face, this wasn’t the best news.

“Si mami, claro que voy con mi novio, de verdad quiero que se conozcan.” Y/N said.

“Que bueno, Los veo mañana, chao.” Her mom hung up and Y/N facepalmed her forehead.

“I understood about 20% of that, what’s going on?” Henry asked.

“Fortachón, you’ve got your wish, You’re meeting my parents tomorrow.” Y/N said and Henry’s eyes look,Ike they’re going to pop out of his head.

“Tomorrow? I am not prepared!” Henry exclaimed.

“Well tomorrow is Easter and my mom wants to meet you so…yeah. Knowing her, we’ll have a lot of tias and tíos, some primos already have kids so get ready for Superman questions, fortachón.” Y/N said, patting his shoulder before going back to the kitchen.

Now it was Easter, Henry and Y/N were at her mom’s door, Henry carrying the Mexican rice Y/N made. Y/N rang the doorbell again, the door opened and she was greeted by her cousin Ignacio.

“Nacho! Cómo estás?” Y/N hugged her cousin and gave him a kiss on the cheek.

“Estoy bien prima, Miguelito esta jugando allá fuera. Pásale, pásale, nice to meet you Henry.” Nacho said, shaking Henry’s free hand, leading them through the house and into the backyard. “Put the rice on the table, mi papá ya está preparando los elotes.”

“Ooh, i haven’t had elotes in a while.” Y/N said.

“What’s elote?” Henry asked.

“You haven’t been making Your gringo any Mexican food? What kind of girlfriend are you?” Nacho said and Y/N swatted his arm.

“I make him Mexican food…he likes tacos, bistec empanado con sopita, quesadillas de papa.” Y/N said.

“Don’t worry, hermano, You’re going to eat really well here.” Nacho puts his arm around Henry’s shoulder as best as he could since Henry is obviously taller than him. Y/N says hello to everyone, introducing them to Henry.

“Okay, primer elote está listo, quien lo quiere?” Nacho’s dad, Hernando, asked. Nacho quickly got up for the elote.

“Okay so elote is corn topped with mayonnaise, cheese, and chili power. It’s really good (I haven’t eaten in, I don’t like corn), you’ll like it.” Y/N said. Henry was sat at the table while Y/N made him a plate of food. “I served you sopes which is tortilla topped with refried black beans, queso cotija, and lettuce because the salas is probably too spicy for you, your elote, a tostado which is the same as a sope but it’s a crunchy tortilla, and tostadas de pulpo because they’re my favorite.”

Henry looked at the plate in front of him. “This is a lot of food, love.”

“Yes but think of it this way, if you don’t like it, I’ll eat it, and very happily too.” Y/N said, kissing him. Henry took a bite of the octopus tostada.

“This is really good.” Henry finished that tostada, moved on to the regular tostada, then the sope, adding a bit of salsa. Then to the elote, best for last. He took a bite, some corn falling off the cob, mayonnaise on the corner of his mouth along with pieces of queso cotija and chili powder. “I think elotes might be my favorite, it’s delicious, muchas gracias, Hernando.”

“No es nada, güerito.” Hernando said, making another 2 elotes for Henry to eat.

“I take it this means I have to make more Mexican food in the house?” Y/N asks.

“Oh absolutely, I’m going to have to work out even more to burn off these calories.” Henry said, kissing Y/N with his mouth tasting like elote.

The End

I know it’s short but I hope you like it! Feel free to request more ideas

Taglist: @warriormirkwood

[thearcherprentiss]

Criminal Minds as things my friends have said pt. 2

Emily: "At my funeral I'm going to raise up out of the coffin and say 'you didn't think you'd get rid of me that easily, did you?'."

Hotch: "No you will not. I will double kill you if you do that."

(This one is way funnier in the context of Lauren)

Reid: "Why are there no freaking tortillas in this entire goshdarn kitchen?!"

Rossi: "Woah, watch your language there."

*Henry jabbering on about something*

Emily: "Sorry, I can't focus on what you're saying with all of that Cheeto powder on your face."

JJ: "EMILY!"

Emily: "WHAT? You try listening to someone talk when they're Donald Trump orange!"

JJ: "I'm not going to fight Derek, it's beneath me."

Morgan: "The only thing beneath you is some children. Not all of them though... get it? You're short."

JJ: "Derek, I'm literally 5'7"."

Morgan: "I don't like tomatoes."

Emily: "Do you like salsa?"

Morgan: "Yeah of course, who doesn't?"

Emily: "So what I'm hearing is you're a fucking liar?"

JJ: "What did everyone do this weekend?"

Reid: "I wrote a paper on the orbitofrontal cortex of the brain!"

Morgan: "I don't know how much longer I can defend you when you act like this."

Reid: "I wish we had food here like they do in Greece. It's so much better."

Morgan: "At least we still exist. Greece isn't even a country anymore."

Reid: "Yes it is? Do you actively say these things to make me worry about you, or are you just oblivious?"

JJ, eating a microwaveable macaroni cup: "Something is off about this..."

Hotch: "Did you check the expiration date?"

JJ, emotionlessly: "*checks* It expired last year. That would explain it. *takes another bite*"

Hotch: "???"

Tara: "I think I'm telepathic."

Matt: "Why do you say that?"

Tara: "Someone was tailgating me on my way here today, and I was like 'sir I will fuck you up' in my mind, and he stopped immediately."

Luke: "Woah, maybe you are telepathic."

Tara: " That or he saw me flip him off."

Matt, facepalming: "I- nope. Never mind."

Morgan: "Well?"

Rossi: "The dog was cute, but the video was weird."

Morgan: "Your face is weird!"

JJ: "Wow, did my son teach you that burn?"

*Emily glaring at JJ*

JJ: "Why are you looking at me like that? You've been doing it all day."

Emily: "I had a dream that you had sex with Morgan last night!"

JJ: "And you're mad at ME? I should be mad at YOU for conjuring that in your subconscious!"

Morgan, playing with the kids: "Touch your nose! Now touch your ears! Now touch your hair!"

Jack: "You don't have any hair."

Morgan: "Hotch... come get your son right now."

Emily: "I don't like that guy."

Luke: "What'd he do?"

Emily: "He gave himself the nickname 'possum', and while that's not outrightly bad, it's highly questionable."

*Reid comes in with a broken bone*

Morgan: "This wouldn't have happened if you'd had more milk as a kid."

Reid: "Morgan, I was allergic."

Morgan: "Dairy allergies are fake. Just produce lactase. It's not that hard."

Reid: "I am both impressed that you know what lactase is and offended that you think I would choose to not eat cheese."

[the-black-bulls]

[Zora's first week at the Black Bulls Mansion]

[Monday]

Asta, knocking door: Zora, it's time to get up!

Zora, yawning: G'morning, lousy brat.

Noelle, breaking the door: Zora, get up already!

Zora, growning: G'morning, royal brat.

[Tuesday]

Yami: [barges in]

Yami: We're leaving in two minutes, get ready.

Yami: [yanks the curtains open]

Zora, as the light burns his eyes: My retinas!

Yami: Finral do your thing.

Finral: Sir, yessir!

Finral: [opens a portal under Zora]

Finral: Sorry, Zora.

Zora: WAIT-!

Zora: [falls in a lake]

[Wednesday]

Vanessa: Yo nerd!

Grey: It's already afternoon.

Vanessa: [shoves Zora off the bed]

Zora: Why?!?

Grey: [splashes water at him]

Zora: WHY?!?

[Thursday]

Henry: [stands over Zora's bed]

Henry, whispering: Heeeeeeello.

Zora, jolting awake: Oh my god, what the heck?!

Henry: It's time to wake up.

Henry: [disappears into the walls]

Zora: He's like a freaking sleep paralysis demon.

[Friday]

Luck: [bursts through the door laughing]

Luck: YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE!

Magna: [runs after with a flaming bat]

Magna: FOR BUDDING!

Zora: Get out! This isn't a battliefield!

Magna: [throw fireballs]

Luck: [hides behind Zora]

Zora: GODDAMNIT—!

[Saturday]

Charmy: Wakey wakey, it is time to wake up, la~!

Zora: Hey Charms, give me five minutes more and then we can go for waffles.

Charmy, excited: Waffles?!

Zora: No no no no no—

Charmy: Laaa~ laaa~ laaaaaaa~!

Charmy: [sprints out the door]

Zora: [facepalms]

[Sunday]

Nero: Hey.

Zora: [wakes up]

Nero: Hey.

Zora: Hey.

Nero: Hey.

Zora: Oh, okay.

Nero: Hey.

Zora: Yeah.

Nero: Hey.

Zora: ....Okay.

Nero: [sips her coffee]

Zora: [gets out of bed]

[later at night]

Gauche: Hey Ideale, it's past midnight. You know what that means?

Zora, a night owl: Psychological trauma?

Gauche, also a night owl: Psychological trauma!

Zora and Gauche, sarcastically: Yay!

Gordon: [emerges between them wide-smiling]

Gordon: Happy New Week!

Zora and Gauche: [jump-screaming]

[mean-scarlet-deceiver]

😘

For Valentine's Day, here are shipping... not headcanons so much as scenes that I would like to put into fic form but, let's be for real, I'll only ever get around to writing 1 out of 6 of these. So instead let me just tell you how the scenes go!

(Note: They are all silly but they are not all fluffy.)

Henry x Bear:

Henry bringing Bear to his forest (which is actually a spur off the Peel Godred branch line) for the first time circa 1971-ish and being kind of gruffly shy about this because This Is His Heart and he's trying to sound soooo offhand as he mentions that he just likes to visit here sometimes… get away from it all… for the past fifty years cough… and Bear just looking around and having a heart attack at how some roots are literally driving up the track ahead of them and measuring the four inches between them and the foliage and being like HENRY. HENRY I’M SORRY BUT. HOW. HOW IS THIS LEGAL. HOW HAVE YOU NOT CAUSED A FIRE HERE

I guess this one doesn't end on a very romantic note but it does make me laugh. 

Edward x BoCo:

This one is even more messed-up but it also makes me laugh. I tend to imagine occasionally even work on a way-too-complicated WIP of Edward and BoCo getting to know each other during the three years before “The Diseasel” and also things on the mainland are, like. Bad. Really, really bad. BoCo is way too busy chronically dealing with stress levels set to 9 out of 10 to in any way acknowledge his growing romantic feelings about Edward… 

… until one day when he’s been working further inland for a few days and as he starts returning ‘home’ he hears word that Edward was left in Barrow shed for a day and somehow spent the day out and about on B.R. jobs and BoCo RUSHES back - albeit a quiet, understated sort of way - all but teleports! - he NEEDS to find out RIGHT AWAY if his oh-so-innocent-cinnamon-roll is even still ALIVE :( let alone finding out how bullied he’s been :( only at the end of three hours in a sort of moving heart attack to find Edward at Barrow shed apparently now pals with everyone and swapping tales of Furness past and present with all the worst characters imaginable eating out of his palm and being like oh hello! yes i did get out and about it’s been lovely :) and BoCo trying not to shout in front of everyone I THOUGHT THERE WAS A REAL CHANCE YOU WERE DEAD OR KIDNAPPED AND SENT HALFWAY ACROSS THE COUNTRY BY NOW I CAME PREPARED TO COMMIT MURDER and Edward with an unbroken smile being casually like Oh yes :) Five different diesels tried :) No dw you can see I’m fine haha :) Incidentally at least a few of your brothers would sell you to the Gronk mafia for a corn chip :) yes the ones I’m sharing a chummy laugh with rn :) I had no idea things here were so bad I am putting you under protective custody on Sodor immediately :) 

Mavis x Daisy:

Mavis has been down coz things have been so dull.

Daisy comes to her beloved's rescue!

... by throwing the world’s fakest mechanical breakdown at Ffarquhar and being like ‘oh DEAR i am ILL I am FALLING APART i NEED my dearest Mavis to HELP ME WITH THIS ONE MILK TANKER or else my SWERVES will IMPLODE’ and literally every human on scene doing a facepalm.

Mavis has a grand time although - when they manage to swing this journey all the way to Tidmouth Harbour - Mavis shows how much more forward she is about striking up conversations whereas Daisy is actually quite socially anxious (much as she tries to hide it) and winds up getting jealous at Mavis talking to everyone but her. 

And then (finally noticing Daisy in a tizzy) Mavis rolls her eyes and kisses her at the same time. 

Most everyone whoops and shouts some good-natured razzing. Cranky, however, is all like ‘OY A LITTLE LESS OF THAT IN MY DOCK’ 

Thomas x Bertie:

Maybe this one is a straight-up headcanon, I dunno. And I think this ship is a QPR. But anyway I like to imagine Bertie swinging all the way out to York to visit Thomas during his stint at the NRM. 

It’s a super lovely surprise. 

Up to and including Bertie responding to “But how?????” with the world’s smarmiest: “Well, I’m allowed to travel on mainland roads, aren’t I? Roads 1,459 Rails 0 :D” 

James x Porter:

This is me, the captain of an empty ship, I know. (It's fun!)

Porter has been screwing with James’s head for fifteen years now by doing Grand Romantic Gestures but with Pokerfaced Watertight Plausible Deniability. 

Like if there’s ever a cargo of flowers to go out, he always makes sure James gets it. 

He always just so happens to be on James’s track when there are fireworks. 

Forever making remarks like “Oh yeah, you go on first, you need your beauty routine” to let James go on and get wash down ahead of him and then bouncing so that James spends the entire time fruitlessly parsing the tone. It’s not biting or mean. It’s not flirtatious or teasing. But it's definitely not quite matter-of-fact. What does he MEAN by it???

No one knows. (Not that James cares!!!!!!!!) Porter, who has intimacy issues, is having way more fun living in James’s head rent-free than he ever would actually making a move on the most difficult and dramatic love interest on the railway (James: Everybody’s Ex™)

… at some point this will get resolved only when James snaps and drags him along on one of his fast freights out of the harbour. For once Porter is flustered (“Whoa! Whoa! James, put me down! I don’t go this fast - ”) and James just laughs, suddenly exhilarated because now he’s finally hauling Porter off and at the end is gonna force him to address all this shit (“C’mon, you’ve played Thomas before, haven’t you? Let’s moooooove -!”)

[hgejfmw-hgejhsf]

Zahra: Wait, you two are sleeping together?

Alex: Only when we’re done having sex.

Henry: [facepalms]

[fvck-the-patriarchy]

Murdoch: We are having a baby.

John: A WHAT?

George: DETECTIVE??

Henry: GUYS WE ARE HAVING A BABY!!

Watts: We're what???

Julia: *sips tea*

Brackenreid: *facepalms*

Murdoch: I meant me and dr. Ogden─

Henry: WE! ARE! HAVING! A! BABYYY!!

[oh-no-another-idea]

and I open the search function again 😌

This one's an ancient tag from @stellarosamarys -- thank you! I'm looking for sun, moss, gentle, blood. I hope everyone's having a nice day today!!

From a marinating WIP:

Moss:

Henry stopped and took him by the arm, smile as thick and happy as the moss underfoot. “We’d have all the time in the world, Finch. Just you and me.” “But we can’t be anything,” Finch pointed out, aware he was ruining the dream. “We’re only you and me, and we’re runners. That’s all there is.” “For now, maybe,” Henry said cryptically, and tugged Finch home.

Gentle:

The race was over fast, the way races usually are. Finch did not win. “What happened?” His mother demanded, handing his jacket back and patting him. Gentle hands, bewildered words. “I’ve seen you run faster to the dinner table.”

From Stars and Ships:

Blood:

“Pardon me for interrupting,” the pale boy said, coming over until he was right in front of their table, still clutching his paper. “Are you Mr. Castle?” Jax grinned at him like a shark scenting blood; Aaliyah tried not to facepalm. “No mister about it. Captain, maybe. Junker, certainly. Not bad with the—” “But you are Mr. Castle, correct?” Jax waved assent. “That’s me.”

Sun:

“So, to dumb it down for the rest of us,” Aaliyah said slowly, “You’ve found errors and discrepancies in the books, so you’re convinced there’s something hidden in the deadliest most deserted part of the galaxy.” Sepia put his spoon down. “To answer you simply, yes. To answer you for real, I’d have to draw your attention to the position of the Asteroid Belt, which moves several degrees each solar year, depending on the gravity of its sun.”

@fanged-writer @ashfordlabs @justafunctionalmess @theprissythumbelina @revenantlore any interest? And anyone else who'd like to look for sight, sweet, tickets, and tape <3

[tanglebrookwrites]

FNAF Roots Remain!AU out of context.

William: My life is so boring, I'm a literal psychopath, I only married my wife because she obeys me-

Michael: *Is born.*

William: OMG my heart is actually beating, my skin is clear, my crops are watered, life is amazing.

Henry: Ah yes, my son and daughter, Sammy and Charlie, were both almost killed.

Michael: *Hinting that it was William* And Father wasn't around us either time, HMMM.

Henry: Yes, that's strange. That must mean that he's at work!

Michael: *Facepalms* Henry, I swear to god. HE WORKS WITH YOU.

Henry: ... My business partner and old college friend can do no wrong :D

Michael, possessing the animatronic he made called Maikkol at the Mega Pizzaplex: I was not aware that I was a fan favorite.

Glamrock Freddy, Glamrock Chica, Glamrock Bonnie, Glamrock Foxy, Roxanne, Monty, the Daycare Attendant, and the Security Marionette: Dude.

Michael: Hey Evan, why don't we have your 10th birthday at Freddy Fazbear's Pizza instead of Fredbear's Family Diner? I know you don't like Fredbear and Cinnabon...

Evan: But I wanna get over my fear of the springlock animatronics! Just like I did with the others! Because you made Foxy, and Foxy is good!

Michael: *Sobbing* This child is so precious, why was I a complete ass last time-

Evan: *Confused noises.*

Elizabeth: Hey Michael, is your friend Scott coming over?

Michael: What? No.

Michael, after thinking: ... Why?

Elizabeth: *Shrugs* No reason. *Skips off.*

Michael: HMMMMM.

Evan, being selectively mute, but talking to people he trusts: Y'know what? I love you guys!

Michael and Elizabeth: Aww! We love you too!

Evan, when William walks into the room: *Signing in ASL* And him too, I guess.

Michael: *Signing frantically in ASL* NO. YOU DON'T HAVE TO LOVE HIM.

William, who never learned sign because he's a bastard towards anyone who isn't Michael: I feel attacked, but I don't know why.

William, wearing the Cinnabon suit: Hey kids! My name is Cinnabon! How would you like to play some games with me?

Jeremy: Isn't that just a golden Bonnie?

William: Child I was the first. If anything, Bonnie is just a blue and purple Cinnabon.

Jeremy: Alright, sounds legit.

Michael: *Swoops in like a hawk* There you are, Jeremy! We need to get you back to your mom! *Looks up* Oh hey, Cinnabon! I thought you were supposed to be resting in the back!

William:

Michael:

William: I'ma just... go... *Leaves.*

Michael: *Working on coding Foxy's AI with Glamrock AI specifications.*

William: *Obsessive and proud dad noises.*

Jeremy Fitzgerald gets hired at the New and Improved Freddy Fazbear's Pizza:

Michael: OMG little Jer that I saved from my father like 2 years ago?

Jeremy: OMG it's my savior, I wanna be your friend!

Michael: *Tears up* Someone wants to be my friend?

Scott, over the phone: What am I, uh, chopped liver?!

Mangle, hiding on the ceiling:

William, as Dave Miller, walking in for his night shift:

Mangle: I'M GONNA GET YOU, IT MAY NOT BE TODAY, OR TOMORROW, OR ANYTIME SOON, BUT I WILL HAVE MY REVENGE-

Michael: *Standing off to the side, wearing the Foxy mask his little siblings got him off the side of his face.*

Scott: *Stands with Michael, feeling out of place wearing a Chica mask Michael jokingly got him off to the side of his face.*

Cassidy's older brother and Cassie's grandfather: *Walking around, wearing the Bonnie mask, trying to grab some candy from this random kid's birthday party.*

Some asshole with a Freddy mask: *Goes near Evan.*

Michael: *Naruto runs over there* DON'T YOU DARE TOUCH HIM-

William Afton: *Gets springlocked in Cinnabon.*

Michael: *Very sarcastic* OH NO, WHERE DID OUR FATHER GO.

Elizabeth: Wait, Father's gone? I CAN DO THINGS NOW-

Evan: *Just being a bby and vibing while latching onto Michael.*

Henry: Oh no, I sure hope that everything in this pizzeria I created gets burned to hell and back.

Michael: *Possesses Maikkol.*

Scraptrap: *Mingles with Mimic programming, and practically now has a split personality.*

Scrap Ballora (replaces Scrap Baby): *Yeets herself into the void, probably to come back somehow.*

LEFTE: *Becomes possessed by Cassidy*

Charlie: *Possesses the Security Marionette.*

Molten Freddy: *Becomes the Tangle.*

Henry: *Wakes up in the Daycare Attendant* ... Well this didn't go according to plan.

Henry: *Sees Evan possessing Glamrock Foxy, Scott possessing Glamrock Chica, Jeremy possessing Glamrock Bonnie, and Fritz possessing Monty* ... This really didn't go according to plan.

Maikkol, standing next to Glamrock Freddy: You know, I think you are more popular with the kids than me.

Kids: *Come to Maikkol more often than Glamrock Freddy.*

Maikkol: ... I retract my previous statement.

Gregory, goes into the Mega Pizzaplex with his foster family: Oh wow this is big!

Gregory, meeting Cassie alone at her birthday: Here have a tissue!

Roxy: *Sees this and then tells the other animatronics.*

Maikkol, showing up out of nowhere, somehow before the message is sent: Happy birthday! Someone told me that these Superstars deserve some cake and ice cream!

Glamrock Foxy, Glamrock Chica, Glamrock Bonnie, and Monty showing up after the message like normal animatronics: Yeah, let's get this party started!

Gregory, seeing Glamrock Freddy glitch and power down on stage: Guess he wasn't made by Michael Afton, whoever made him was an IDIOT.

Gregory: *Sees a worried Maikkol peeking out from backstage at Glamrock Freddy* Now there is a TRUE animatronic.

Gregory: *Also sees a female night guard with blonde hair with a live taser behind Maikkol.*

Gregory: I don't trust her!

Michael/Maikkol: *Wakes up after being tased with warning of something alive in stomach hatch* OMG it's my Superstar!

Glamrock Foxy (possessed by Evan): *Runs into Maikkol's green room to frantically sign to Maikkol that he has a kid in his stomach hatch.*

Michael/Maikkol: On 3. 1... 2... 3!

*Gregory tumbles out of Maikkol's hatch, while Cassie is seen in Glamrock Foxy's.*

Michael/Maikkol: ... Wait why are there two kids- *Panics.*

[aragarna]

Facepalm Friday - Britt Lomond as Capitan Monastario, Henry Calvin as Sergeant Garcia and Sebastian Cabot as Judge Vasca (Zorro, 1957, 1x09)

[serraphique]

an incomplete list: things i love about the cake scene

alex's and henry's faces when they see the cake on henry's coat

alex making henry hold his whisky while henry is like ???? what is happening right now????

alex trying to "fix" it and failing miserably

the music choice for the scene 👌👌👌

philip being alarmed, bea seeming amused and nora's face journey from just pretend it's not that bad to oh god yeah thats an international incident *facepalm*

alex still scrubbing that poor coat like he can actually make a difference dude i respect your persistence but no 😭

random royal guy in the background eating and enjoying the chaos

henry and alex both pulling on that handkerchief for dear life

alex's little whoosh in the air before hitting the table with the cake and falling down and pulling henry with him 💀

the absolute majestic shot of the cake falling down on them, to me that's cinema

bea's oh

that waiter's instagram post

[ash-the-porcupine]

Ash: What's the weirdest thing a young family member has said to you? Cousin or sibling. Meena: "I just, like, want to listen to a LOT of Taylor Swift." Johnny: "Picture this; Dale's and Mayo. Daleonaise!" Rosita: Probably when my little brother told me I looked like I sniffed cockroaches in my spare time. I still don't understand. Nooshy: "Oh, look, a duck! Anyways-" Porsha: …Your relative is the literal definition of "SQUIRREL-!". Buster: I dunno about young relatives, but my Uncle Henry once told me that sniffing rubbing alchohol would give me brain damage. Ash: You sniffed a lot of rubbing alchohol, didn't you?

Buster: pass me the Woostushoosh, would you? Rosita: The what? Ash: He means the worstsistershire sauce. Rosita:…? Johnny: The wustomushshire! Rosita: ??? Rosita: THE WORCESTESHIRE?? Everyone: *gasp* SHE IS THE CHOSEN ONE-

Ash: Alright, Moon. I won. You have to give me your most "evil little sh*t" kid moment now >:] Buster: I may or may not have tried to burn down the museum. Ash: AYO-

Nooshy: Alright! Dumb silly kid moments! Go! Buster: I liked to aim a hairdryer at passing cars Johnny: I put salt in the lemonade when I made a lemonade stand. Rosita: I ate the cookies I was supposed to sell in girl scouts and just used my mom's money to say people paid for and ate them. Porsha: I glued my dad's hat to his mattress when I was seven. Meena: I tore off the fridge door because I was bored. Ash: My hobby was burning curtains. Buster: …um… Buster: …WHAT?

Ash: Come on, Moon! Why won't you tell us your birthday? Buster: Because. It doesn't matter. Ash: You need a birthday partyyyyyyyyy. Buster: No I don't. Miss Crawly: His birthday is December 29th. Buster: CrAwLy!!!!!! Ash: Rest in peace, Buster boy.

Meena: I promise, he won't try and kill you this time. *ten minutes later* Fredrick (Meena's grandfather): Did you do drugs as a kid! Fredrick: Did you listen to rap! Fredrick: Did you support arsonism! Fredrick: Did you go to strip bars! Betty (Meena's mom): WOAH! DAD-! Meena: Mr. Moon… Meena: …I promise you'll get a lot of coffee for this. Buster: The hazelnut stuff? Meena: So much of it… *slowly inches from house with Buster* Fredrick: HE'S A F**KING HOUDINI! Betty: *sighs and facepalms*

Buster (learning minecraft): Wait, but how does the orbit of the sun and moon work if the minecraft world is infinite? Everyone:… Ash: WHO THE F**K THINKS OF THAT WHEN THEY LEARN A VIDEO GAME?! Buster: *shrugs* Buster: Seriously though. How? Is there just like a hole- Ash: *groans loudly*

[ricky-tiki-tah]

Glamrock Freddy Through The Ball Pit Part 3

Evan pushed a hand to his mouth in hopes of stifling his sobs when he heard his doorknob jiggle. The other hand held his flashlight, the flickering beam pointed at the the door the noise had come from. If he was lucky, and very, very quiet, maybe the nightmarish animatronic would go away.

He barely managed to stifle another sob and turn off his light in hopes of staying hidden, when the door creaked open. This was it, he was going to die. Evan hugged Fredbear to his chest and squeezed his eyes shut. He didn’t want to see himself eaten.

“Ev?”

That was definitely not an animatronic. Evan’s eyes shot open and he was already pulling Michael towards his bed before his brain had the time to process that his brother was there.

“Hey, hey Evan, w-w-what’s wrong?” Mike asked, bumping onto the bed with the speed the younger boy pulled him over to it before he sat at the foot of the bed.

“Be quiet!” Evan’s voice was barely audible, but definitely terrified. “They’ll hear you!”

Mike blinked in confusion, getting nothing but question marks from Freddy. “Who’ll hear m-me?”

“Bonnie, and Chica!” Evan was sobbing almost silently now. He jumped up, flashed the light in the closet before closing the doors a moment, flashed the light again, then returned to the floor at the foot of the bed. “And Foxy.”

Mike was confused. Chica and Foxy were still only drawings, Father and Uncle Henry had only just gotten started on the blueprints a couple weeks before. “How?

Evan shrugged. “I dunno. But they’re even worse that your drawings. Like… like metal monsters!”

Seeing how terrified Evan was, Mike decided to investigate. Evan may be a scaredy cat, but if there’s one thing Mike knew, it was that Evan was not a liar. He stood up, against Freddy’s advice, and stepped over to the closed door.

“I do not think potentially fighting off a nightmarish animatronic is a very good idea.” Freddy said, his wary tone blaring through Mike’s head.

“Don’t worry, we’ll b-be fine. He’s just dreaming.” Mike mumbled back as quietly as possible. He opened the door a bit only to recoil in shock when the distinct sound of breathing echoed near his ear. He slammed the door shut in shock, his eyes going wide. “W-w-what was that-t?!”

“I told you! It’s the animatronics!” Evan was wiping his eyes, joining them at the door. He put his ear up against it before opening it and shining his light out a moment. “You can’t keep the door closed, they’ll come in if you close it for no reason.”

Now that sounded terrifying. Mike wondered how he made it to Evan’s bedroom at the rate he was watching the newly seven year old run around his room, shining his light and closing his door.

“I am not sensing any animatronics on the premises.” Freddy noted after a few minutes of silence.

“Wait, w-what?” Mike asked, frowning in confusion and completely forgetting to whisper.

Evan glanced back at him, holding the closet door closed. “What’s ‘what’ Mikey?” He hissed.

“No I-I wasn’t— Freddy what are y-you talking about?” Mike ignored the horrified squeak from Evan in favor of trying to figure out what Freddy meant.

“I am still able to… sense other animatronics.” Freddy explained. “And I am not sensing any in this house.”

“Then what a-a-are those things?!”

“I do not know…”

Now Evan was looking at them in confusion. “Mikey, who are you talking to?”

“Uh…”

“He is t-talking to me.” Freddy pushed forward, waving to Evan who only looked confused and slightly scared.

“Yourself?” He asked, shining the light at the bed to scare of the small animatronics there. “And why are you talking funny?”

“I am Freddy, n-not your brother Michael. I am not t-talking funny, this is my voice.” Freddy explain, and Mike facepalmed from the passenger seat.

“What?” Evan’s eyes widened in fear now. “What do you mean you’re Freddy?!”

“I am Freddy F-F-Fazbear, however, I am n-not the one you are thinking of. I am a-a different version.”

“And you’re in Mike’s head?! Where’s Mikey??”

“W-we are sharing it. He is still here and c-can hear everything.”

“Don’t worry E-Ev, I’m f-f-fine.” Mike pushed forward to reassure him.

Evan narrowed his eyes. “Your eyes changed.”

“Huh?”

“Your eyes, they were—“ he paused, flashing the light down one hall and closing the door before continuing. “They kinda glowed a little. Or… Freddy’s eyes glowed? And they were bluer than they usually are.”

Mike blinked in surprise. “Huh, cool.” They didn’t exactly have the time to get into that new detail now, footsteps were coming down both hallways.

“Close your door!” Evan ordered, closing the one he was closest to.

Mike did so, holding onto the handle for dear life, probably literally.

“They’re not going away!” Evan sobbed quietly, not able to wipe his tears away as he held onto both the door and his flashlight.

“We cannot stay in here, it is not safe.” Freddy pointed out. “There is something… strange in this room. I do not know what it could be, but we should not stay here.”

“Evan, listen.” Mike spoke up, leaning back against the door to keep it closed. “We c-c-can’t stay in here, you’ve g-got too many doors. W-We gotta hole up somewhere else. Maybe my room, it’s only got one d-d-door, and mine’s got a lock.” He was very much disliking the stutter he seemed to have developed overnight.

“But how will we get there? Bonnie’s that way!” Evan asked, flashing his light towards the closet in hopes of keeping Foxy at bay.

“We’ll w-wait until he leaves, then you g-grab your pillow and we m-m-make a break for it.” Mike laid out his plan.

Evan looked hesitant, but nodded after thinking it over. He stepped flashed his light down the hall, Chica was gone.

Quickly, Evan grabbed his pillow and his Fredbear plush before he joined Mike at the door.

Mike threw the door open once Bonnie’s breathing disappeared. He grabbed Evan’s arm and they ran for it, barely remembering not to slam his door when he closed and locked it so he didn’t wake his father or Lizzie. How they had slept through the sounds of Chica in the kitchen, he doesn’t know.

They stood in apprehensive silence, waiting for the sound of mechanical breathing, but it didn’t come.

Five minutes passed before Mike crossed to his closet, pulling down another blanket for Evan to use. “Here.”

Evan took it, finally smiling a little bit. “Thanks Mikey.”

Mike shrugged, climbing under his covers. “Yeah, whatever. J-just get in bed.”

Evan smiled brightly now, climbing under the covers and curling to the older. “Night Mikey. …Night Freddy.”

“Night.” Mike muttered.

“Goodnight, Superstar!” Freddy added.

The brothers were asleep within the minute.

[luxthestrange]

Incorrect quotes #562 Giant facepalm

Mc:...WHAT!?

Levi: I'm pregnant!!

Mc: You're not pregnant!

Dia*Barging in leviathan's room like always*Wait, who's pregnant🐕?

Levi: ME!!

Dia: Congratulations!!!*Smiles and goes to hug the snekboi*

Mc: HE'S NOT PREGNANT!, HE JUST READ A PAMPHLET*grabs the pamphlet from Levi's grasp*Give me that!

Levi:Easy Henry, I'm with child!*Holding his stomach*

Mc: You're not WITH CHILD

Dia: I'm gonna be an uncle!*Claps his hands happily*

Mc: YOUR NOT GONNA BE AN UNCLE!*is slowly losing it*

Dia: Then who's gonna teach the little guy or girl how to ride a bike?*Sad pout*

Mc: Calm down levia-chan, Your not pregnant

Levi: Then why am I so Moody and nauseous!-I THINK ITS THE MORNING SICKNESS*cries into hoodie*

Mc*Facepalms and looks at him with exasperation*LEVIATHAN...You're a boy!

Levi:...*Looks up at them and smiles in relief*...You're right,I'm a boy, It's scientifically impossible-OOOW!*winces and holds stomach*

Mc: What?

Levi: I think it just kicked!

Mc: YOU'RE NOT PREGNANT!?

[fuzzystudios]

Hi, uh.

What r ur Jomies hcs? (Jake, Drew, Henry, Liam)

hm, as a dynamic? let's see...

drew:

constantly facepalming. or on his phone, trying to tune out the worst ideas ever and not shake Liam or Henry viscerally by the shoulders (sibling core)

the no energy guy

probably the most normal guy in the group honestly

("I'm surrounded by idiots.")

they usually hang out at his house (he has rich stuff and wants to use it and have fun with his friends)

genshin impact whale. he carries the team while Liam and Henry use Barbara on the oceanid boss because healing is important too!!1 (they do literally no damage and die within 5 minutes)

has the gc on mute but somehow still shows up to scold Liam and Henry

Liam:

henry's stupidity bounces off him and they're both double goofs

silly :3

weird on purpose. has adopted weird jokes to annoy and damage drew's brain

acts like a 2nd grader

makes questionable jokes that have no genuine romantic intent he just likes to be goofy it's fun to him

the too much energy guy

Henry:

BIGGEST goofball

eyes.

just is weird. he just simply is himself and so he's weird <3

mentally like 5

he swears lettuce is good. nobody believes him

the too much energy guy (again)

silly :3

Jake:

between drew and Liam&Henry on the wisdom scale

he's like calm but also not

("morning Jake!")

(internal screaming)

he's like smart but also not

(see: "what is the difference between an ionic bond and a covalent bond?")

("Jake, we literally learned this in like, 8th grade.")

(he only took that course because he wanted to be in a friend's class)

he's surprisingly tall and Henry cries over this all the time

watches the flames called Liam and Henry burn down the group chat every day and loses it reading the messages

thanks for the ask!