#hey hey started listening to mitski a lot

[chocmoch]

random bv & cassidy doodles 🥰

(most of the post is in tags lmao)

human | soul

((don't ask wtf g fred stands for))

[chantiying]

Message from your inner child

Before to start, sorry for any mistakes or grammar error. English is not my first language. How to choose? Think of something you liked when you were a child (a game, a toy, a smell, a candy, your favorite stuffed animal) and try to remember you as a kid, take a deep breath and when you're ready, you and your inner child choose the image that drawn to you. Remember tarot is not set on stone and you can change your path whenever you want. This is for entertainment purposes. This reading is general so if it doesn't resonate with you just let it go

: ¨·.·¨ :

` ·. 🦋

╱|、

(˚ˎ 。7

|、˜〵

じしˍ,)ノ

TW. Direct or indirect mention of abuse, bulling, violence, familial violence, broken family among others.

Ok, let's go!!!

PILE 1

Hello my friend :) Do you remember how disastrous our childhood was? Do you remember that there were some people who hurt us? Remember when we were pushed aside from parties? Do you remember when we found out that sometimes the "love" of a couple is not two but three? Remember when we found out what infidelity meant? Come, here and close your eyes for a moment, because I want to tell you a secret but I don't want you to see me are you ready? Yes? Ok: the infidelity of our parents marked me

I know since then we don't know what it means to love or how to make a relationship work. I know it's a lot harder for you than it was for me. I know sometimes you wonder if you're loving too little or too much, I know you're scared of being harmed like mom and dad did. Do you still feel that strange feeling of isolating all noise with music or the TV on while we sit on the floor of the room begging for it all to end? I do love you, my friend :) I know it seems a little difficult, I know it seems a little hard to say and hear, I know you may not believe it because they made you doubt what it means to love someone, but, I'll let you in on another secret: I don't feel alone anymore. I've learned that sometimes we have to leave where the water overflows to build a better castle. I learned to be smarter and not to argue when it's not necessary, to stop talking where no one listens, to live with myself and with you.

Please, I know it's not easy, but I want you to start again, on your own, I want you to leave everything behind, to let the dragons (they are not bad I already talked to them and they said they are on our side) I want you to let them destroy what hurts us, and to start building your own fortress. I want to be your first beautiful relationship. I want that you love me because I love you and I will always love you. Please love me, okay? Let's be you and me (km little you, hehe) against everyone. I want to be your partner in crime and have us laugh together. I promise you that after that, we're going to smile more and forget what they did to us.

You also have to eat well, did you hear me? Oh and don't tell anyone, but, I'm craving our favorite sweet treat from when we were little, can you eat it for us?

I'm always with you, don't forget me, I'm you but in little. Oh, something else, let's pretend it's your birthday, yei ! let's be happy for today and close your eyes again and make a wish

Francis Forever Mitski, Innocent Taylor Swift. Grey, Purple, Blue. Leaves & Streets. Orange juice?, Music, Cartoons, Headphones, Magic Wand. Mulan (I'll Make a Man Out of You)

🧸🎂🎈🍫 🧸🪄🎈🍫

PILE 2

Hey!!! What's up, buddy? I am very happy, I feel that I have arrived where I needed to be, I feel that the sun has finally risen, I feel that all the changes I had to go through have now paid off. The knowledge, the peace, the beliefs, everything I needed to cultivate is bearing fruit. See? I even speak as someone cultured and intellectual 😸. At first I didn't notice it, I was incredulous, but then I started thinking and thinking and thinking, and I realized that the change started in the interior. I know, you don't have to tell me, it sounds very cheesy, it sounds silly, but, I must admit, even if it's a little embarrassing, that sometimes dreaming and being cheesy is kind of fun SO DON'T MAKE FUN OF ME 😾😹. Ok, let's be serious, mate. We went through a time where we didn't believe in anything and we didn't even know if we should believe but I kept doing it. I kept looking until I got to where I needed to and BOOM it all made sense. Our lives are going to get better, we're better now, we're brave, we're smart, we're strong, we're cool !! We still have to keep learning, we still have a long way to go, but I learned that learning is also fun. DON'T GIVE UP, OK? Ok. I know it's hard to grow, but we've always wanted this, we've never bowed down, we've never given up, we've always looked forward and we'll continue to do so

Keep in your heart the ones who help you and give you happy moments, then let's continue writing our story

No matter how many steps forward you take, whether it's one or two or a thousand, I'll always be there proud of where you've taken us and what an amazing person you've made us. I only ask you to never forget where you come from and where you are going, don't forget to be grateful, don't play with anyone's heart or time, that's not good 😾. I want you to appreciate the time and I want that, when you think that the world is against you, or that everything is going wrong, you can change it. Don't worry, I don't want you to blame yourself for everything, but I also don't want you to always blame it on others. I know sometimes it's hard, keep trying again and again, even if you're scared don't don't victimize yourself because heroes don't do that, and you and I have the prettiest cape, we have the cutest glitter and we have the best superhero story just for us, and don't be afraid, because superheroes can do anything and if we can't our superhero friends will help us 😼

Let's be great, let's be epic!

Disney, A lot of changes or currently changing something, Happiness, Beach, Comics, Sun, Summer, Ice cream, Watch, Hats, Hawaiian Roller Coaster Ride, Hannah Montana, Vacation, Pop en español (Pop in Spanish), Extrovert, Mischievous, Spider man? Funny, Tangled (the movie)

🦸, 👨‍🚀, 🐱, 🚀

PILE 3

There are two of us, we are yourself and I, and it has always been like this ☺️, do you feel confused? Because I do, a little bit, you won't get mad if I tell you, right? You'll understand, right? I feel like everything is going so fast, I feel like I can't stop, I feel like I want to rest, I feel like when I wanted the geography or math hour to end and go out for recess to get some fresh air. why is everything going so fast? I want to understand what's going on, I want to, I really want to, but I can't. Do you no longer feel distrustful? Do you believe in other people yet? Because I don't do it yet 🥺, do we have friends yet? Or are we still alone? Are they still hurting us? Are we still unsafe? I don't want to be like that anymore, I promise you, (crying?) I want to have a lot of friends, I want to be loved, I want to play, I want to have fun, but I can't believe in others, do you? I don't want to be alone, I know I said it was you and me, and I still believe it, it's you and me against the world, but I also want us to be more against the world. I want someone to turn on the light and hold my hand, would you? I want you to hug me, talk to me, I feel like you're mad at me, at the little you from a few years ago, did I do something wrong? Do you think it was my fault that we were treated like this? Do you think it was my fault that we were disappointed? I'm a little annoyed with you too, not gonna lie. you know what? I was a kid but you have everything to change what happened to us, you pretend that it doesn't hurt anymore and that's a lie! you're still upset and scared, listen, it's ENOUGH! Do something for us. At least I'm angry but I want us to change this, I want us to be happy. I want us to be together and happy, I want us to be one, I want you to remember me, but not only the bad but the good as well, remember what we like, remember the watercolors, the music we liked, remember the sun, the window, remember the yard, remember the stories that mom/dad used to tell us. Remember Mom/Dad. Remember the puddles after the rain. Please, I'm not asking you to want to be a child again to do everything differently, I'm asking you to connect with me so that our creativity flies, so that you know where to go, so that you can start something new.

The magic is in us, accept us, what you don't want to let out, is what makes us most beautiful

You will get what you want, but don't want everything, don't be ambitious. Don't forget us, don't forget you, never forget yourself.

Sadness, Grudge, Sobbing, Poverty (both spiritual and economic), Pranks, Bullying, Grass, Secret place, 8 years? Cold, Scams, Rain, Mirror, Emojis. Monsters, inc. As a child, Madeline The Person. J's lullaby (darling I'd wait for you), Delaney bailey. All I want, Kodaline. Rises the moon, Liana Flores

ꗃ🗝₊˚⊹♡ 𓉞 . ⸙͎｡˚⋆ 𓋼

Hi guys! Sorry for the late update. To be honest I struggle being consistent in what I do, but I'm trying (no, I'm really trying) to be more consistent.

Today, is children's day in my country, so I decided to do this spread for you all, because I consider that connecting and embracing our inner child is one of the most healing things we can do. So happy Children's Day !!

Alic (Chanty) 🪽

[sh1-n0bu]

Hey God it's me again. Back by nobody's request once again: Me, 🦝.

Can we talk about Heizou?

Trick question. I WILL talk about Heizou and YOU WILL listen.

I like him so much the little skrunkly Mr canon daddy issues. Mr I want my father to be proud of me and it hurts. Mr I need to be the best and I'll still not be enough.

I love him a lot. I know I'm usually here to be horny but tbh today I'm not. I just feel bad for him. We all talk about Kazuha's my-best-friend-died-in-my-arms story but Heizou's is completely ignored. It's the ptsd for me. It's the family issues for me. It's the other people have a false image of the nature of his being for me. It's the hidden insecurities, the silent overthinking for me. Like bro did anyone ever pay attention to how careful he is with the traveler because he doesn't want to scare them off. It's the no friends (only mildly derogatory) for me.

It's the everything for me. My brain pointed at this little dude and went "that one" and now I think about him. All the time. I just want to hold him. Like bestie is u good? Do you need a hug? Some comfort? Some therapy? I will smooch him very lovingly mwah mwah

✿ 𝙨𝙖𝙛𝙚 𝙞𝙣 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙖𝙧𝙢𝙨 ✿

characters: heizou x nb!reader

warnings: angst, fluff, PTSD, reverse comfort, insecurity, heizou’s just having a very very bad day😢reader and heizou’s not in a relationship yet

notes: SAME 🦝 NONNIE! i’ve reached friendship lvl10 with heizou and i read all stories of the characters whether i like them or not and heizou’s just made me cry😭😭😭 his only friend died out in public, in his arms, saying “i… i came to see you too”. i just cosnfijdnfjsjf

also i wrote this while listening to mitski and shed good few tears here and there 🦝 anon😔👍

detective shikanoin heizou of the tenryou commission is a name that’s widely known for it’s incredible intelligence, witty remarks and boy-ish charms. however that’s not all there is of heizou.

at 2 in the morning, when someone knocks on your door and wakes you up from your nice dreams, it’s safe to say that you’re ready to throw hands unless it’s an emergency. but then again almost every time you’re awoken at an unholy hours is because it’s an emergency.

‘this better be something good ‘cause i have a long day of commissions tomorrow’ throwing on a haori on top of your loose yukata, stumbling to the front door of your little house, the least person you expected to wake you up was the renowned detective of the tenryou commission.

immediately thinking of what you did that could’ve been considered law-breaking, one came into mind. but hey, you had to sock that guy because he was troubling the traveler when they were on the brink of collapsing!

“…hey, sorry to wake you up so late” heizou’s voice snapped you out of your little mind-ramble.

“oh no, it’s fine. would you like to come in?” nodding and quietly shuffling into your house, heizou seemed just so… quiet. most of the times he would spend time with you, he would be rambling about the newest case he got, how the criminals are getting dumber and dumber everyday or just about things in general.

asking him if he would like something to drink and sitting in your kitchen at 2am with the detective just silently staring at his glass of water was concerning. moreover there were dry tear tracks on his face and his clothes seemed half-heartedly thrown on.

after a while of just sitting in a deafening silence, heizou started to talk. about how he wants to be seen as the perfect reliable detective, how he wants his dad to be proud of him, about how his only childhood friend was a fraud and a thief, how after a year of staying out of contact, he met his friend again only for them to be bleeding out on the side of the road of the festival.

when recalling how his only friend had told him he wanted to see him as well, while holding a bloodied green pebble from his wallet which had no mora, only the pebble, the tears that filled his eyes fell. choking on his words, trying to apologize for dumping all of his problems on you, this was also heizou.

the same shikanoin heizou that throws around flirty remarks with you. the same shikanoin heizou that catches criminals left and right like they were just passing by him in the streets. the same shikanoin heizou who proudly declared he wanted to stop evil.

“i-i’m sorry hic i didn’t mean to dump-oomf!” being held close to your chest and telling him it was okay and that you understand was the last breaking point for him. sobbing out loudly like a child and clinging to you like a lifeline, this was also shikanoin heizou. your heizou.

after exhausting all his strength, you simply carried him to your bed for him to rest.

to heizou he felt like he was being gently cradled by the sun. so soft, warm and inviting.

to heizou, you were the only one to truly see who he was and not run away.

to heizou, you are the one he fell for and damn did he fell for the perfect person.

to heizou, your arms felt like home.

[lionydoorin]

random rockstar au hcs because i can 🫶

robin has the same routine before every concert; she always talks to steve, then eddie (her producer!), then dustin (her manager!), then isolates herself for a few minutes to warm up, listen to fleetwood mac and think. she also cracks her knuckles and taps it on the same beat as the intro before going on stage, and once she's on stage, she has to wrap her left hand around the microphone cable and jump to the beat of sweet tooth (her opening song) as it begins

kissing nancy's entire face in a sequence also becomes a part of her pre-concert routine; she kisses her forehead first, then her right cheek, her nose, her left cheek, chin and then lips. nancy always waits for her outside her dressing room to give her good luck smooches

as i said before, nancy fell first, but robin fell harder

nancy is a baby lesbian that just came to terms w her sexuality after years of comphet but she always confides on her ex-boyfriend/coworker jonathan cause he's rly good at giving advices okay

steve and robin share the same apartment in nyc since they've moved there and they have no plans in moving! its cheap but cozy and actually private cause no one expects to find two famous singers living there

^ they started off posting covers and original songs together on soundcloud so people think they're dating since then or something cause well no one believes in a male x female friendship apparently

robin listens to a lot of hozier, bon iver, mumford & sons. nancy is 100% a mitski/phoebe bridgers lesbian. they have a collaborative playlist on spotify to send their favourite songs to each other

they also freak out together a lot talking about taylor swift and scream the lyrics to all too well in the car whenever they go out

(once robin meets taylor swift she's like hey my girlfriend and i are really into your stuff wait hold on let me call her- and when she facetimes nancy and her girlfriend sees who's with her she drops her phone and almost passes out)

"nancy?! honey are you okay?!!!!" (nancy's getting up, blushing, wide-eyed and with her hair all over the place) "sure thing babe, i'm doing great, hello miss swift sorry i didn't see you there-"

[autisticempathydaemon]

Hey hi hello!!! How are you today?

I was wondering if I could get a match up?

What song are you fixated on at the moment? What lyric or verse, and why?

I can't stop listening to Brand New City by Mitski since last week. I just really like the emotion in her voice. I also really associate myself with the line "if I gave on being pretty I wouldn't know how to be alive". So that's that.

What is your Enneagram type?

7w8, used to be a 9w1.

Do you love gargantuan Youtube video essays, and if so, which is your favorite and why?

I dooo! I really like enjoy video essays about linguistics and mental illnesses as well

Tell me about your childhood imaginary friend.

I never really had an imaginary friend. I mean, I remember being annoyed at my shadow for copying everything I do, but I don't think that counts.

I actually didn't have any friend untill I went to school. I was always okay playing by my self.

Though I do remember making little scenarios in my head while playing on the playground; one of them being me as Harley Quinn trapped in jail while Joker saves me (I was obsessed with Harley Quinn as a kid, okay..)

What is your go-to way to fall asleep?

Rambling asmr.

If you had to change your name, what would it be, and why? (In tandem, if you have changed your name, why did you pick that one?)

I'd like to pick a name that sounds nice in most languages, since mine doesn't.

Maybe something like Eleanora with Nora as a nickname.

What is your favorite of Redacted’s audios, and why?

I can't pick one so I'll say "holiday decorating with your boyfriend but he's a chaotic mess" and "listening in on your crush's thoughts". These are the audios that really made me smile like an idiot. They don't really have anything to do with the plot yet they're still my favourite.

What Redacted boy holds no appeal to you, and why? Like, not the one you hate but the one who you don’t get the hype for. (I won’t judge, I promise.)

Hot take but...David. It's just...idk man, I usually like the tsundere type put sometimes I feel like David is too rude. I enjoyed his first audio but the rest...idk man. I like angel a lot tho. I myself a lot in them, but David is definitely not the type I'd go for. I'd probably feel really annoying and unloved with a guy like him 🤷‍♀️

Tell me about that one book/movie/tv show you know all the words to.

"The spy next door". I watched it waaaaaay too many times as a kid and I sometimes still do.

Which Redacted boy are you platonically attracted to? Like- forget dating, which dude do you want to be your best friend?

Asher!!! He seems like so much fun dude. He also reminds me a lot of my friend.

Do you have a go-to thing you ramble about when you’re tired, and if so, what is it? (For example, my boyfriend knows I’m ready to sleep when I start talking about space.)

I start rambling about 'what if' scenarios. Like what if I was born a year later? What if brother hadn't been born? What if that one time at the cafe I didn't order my usual drink?

Stuff like that.

Tell me your go-to gas station and drink combo.

Idk I can't drive...😔

Chocolate and banana milkshake is my go to drink tho.

Tell me about your favorite playlist at the moment. 

All my saved songs mashed up...

What’s your guilty pleasure media, and why?

Harry Potter fanfiction.... hear me out okay... I know it sounds...bad.. But damnit some of the fics are just too good.

Other info:

Idk if this is important or not but my mbti is ENTP-T and I'm also very short (5'1). Do what you must with that information...

Thank you!!

The combination of your personality traits gives me the impression of an extroverted, strong-willed person; they’re giving Smartass, you know? This combined with your preference towards tsunderes makes me think you’d be a good match with Aaron.

I can get what you mean about David being “too rude”; in contrast, Aaron’s certain brand of tsundere reads more playful? Like, he grasped early on when the attitude isn’t serving him or when to tone it down which is why I like him better for you. Also, the fact that your chosen name would be Eleanora and his brother’s name is Elliott, the fact that both his most loved people in the world could be called “El” is just really cute. That’s kismet a little bit.

Your life with Aaron would be such a dream (though that’s any life with Aaron, I will admit.) I can clearly imagine him making you your favorite milkshake every Saturday morning to start your weekend right (even though I can see him personally hating it /lh something about his vibe tells me he hates chocolate and banana together but not as much as he loves you). I can see him asking you about the fanfic you’re reading- not because he cares about Harry Potter (he doesn’t particularly) but because he likes to hear you talk about it. Also, your not being able to drive is fun because he’s an excellent driver, and don’t we all dream just a little bit of having to be a passenger prince(ss)? /lh

Song:

I just don't wanna miss you tonight/ And I don't want the world to see me/ 'Cause I don't think that they'd understand/ When everything's made to be broken/ I just want you to know who I am

One, that last line is very tsundere-core, that sentiment of “I don’t need the world to know or see me as long as I have you”. Two, this song is such a classic, and it matches the alt, rock, grunge vibe that Aaron gives me. I think he likes this song and genre a lot.

Runner-ups:

In addition to giving me Smartass vibes, your personality types also remind me of a more extroverted Damien; because of this, Huxley would be a cute runner-up for you. To do a total one-eighty, your mention of considering What If’s means I just have to give you Echo as a runner-up okay heaR ME OUT-

Read this post and send me an ask if you’d like a match-up of your own! 💌

[firefly--bright]

belonging.

jean kirstein x gender neutral! reader (they/them pronouns used)

academic frenemies to lovers, modern au

how was he so good at everything? how did he manage all of it? how did he make you feel like this? how did he see you?

warnings : strained parental relationships, highschool angst, academic pressure, mild eren yeager slander.

a/n : holy shit this turned out longer than i intended it to. making a part two but it might take a while cause i have exams (how perfect) coming up soon :'). anyway, i hope you like this one, kinda self projected alot jdkwjfls im okay i was listening to mitski and hozier while writing this can u tell

tagging : @chuusposts , @a10vely-yutazen (sorry for the late tag!)

• main masterlist is pinned! • taglist is open! • fic playlist •

“the test wasn’t that hard, you know?” you say, completely aware that you were being petty, but god it felt good to be better than him at something.

“I never said it was hard,” he mutters under his breath.

“you submitted it late.” You reply snarkily, seeing his ears heat up in embarrassment.

“whatever, we’ll see how the grades are. Don’t you have anyone else to annoy?” he asks, and you know you’ve won by the way he says ‘whatever’ with the roll of his eyes.

The way he always did when he didn’t have a point to make.

You smiled slightly, pettily, but satisfied. You knew you did well.

You walked to your next lecture after collecting your books, yawning in the process. God, you needed some well deserved sleep. Maybe even watch a movie or two consecutively. But you couldn’t. you felt like you had a target on your back if you took even the slightest bit of a break, or had even the slightest bit of a social life. It didn’t make sense how Jean had both, all from what it looked like, and was still doing good in school. Good enough to compete with you, that was.

Hey, atleast you were doing better than last year.

You took a seat near the window, not paying attention to the way Jean was looking at you while entering the classroom.

It baffled you. how was he able to manage having it all? popularity, no matter how much of a social construct it was, people who loved him, and good looks? you couldn’t even deny it. He had almost everyone in Shingeki High wrapped around one of his knobby fingers that lent you a pencil last year. You didn’t blame them, he was the reason the school won almost every year, the reason everyone who lost hope during the game found their strength again to play. He was the one who persuaded Marco Bodt to rejoin the team. Marco Bodt, too, was like him, just less in the spotlight. He didn’t like the spotlight, you realised.

You didn’t blame him. it wasn’t like you didn’t want attention, but it seemed like the moment you had it, you got anxious, palms sweaty, breath heavy, the whole nine yards.

You didn’t notice Jean slipping his backpack next to your seat until your teacher started teaching the new topic.

You did notice, however, how he kept glancing at you. was there something on your face?

You rubbed your nose, then your cheeks. You adjusted your hair, too, just in case. You didn’t think there was anything wrong with your appearance. Maybe Kirstein had a staring problem. He used to stare at Mikasa a lot, too, before she got hitched with Yeager. A true tragedy in Shingeki High.

You tried to pay attention to whatever Mr. Smith was teaching, but considering the fact that you got almost no sleep last night studying for the test, and the fact that Jean was now shamelessly staring at either you or something out the window, you couldn’t.

You could catch up though. You’d already read the chapter he was currently prefacing.

“alright, class, I know you will be dreading this, but I will be giving everyone a group project,” Mr. Smith’s voice boomed, as the class erupted in low chatter. Everyone turned to the people they knew, but your face remained motionless.

You wanted this to be over with. You wanted, no, needed a fucking break.

Bet your brother didn’t need a fucking break, your mind whispers.

“I will be assigning everyone their partners.” Mr. Smith spoke up. everyone groaned, as jean’s head turned towards you again.

You joined the collective groan, as you turned to the boy sitting next to you. “why the fuck do you keep staring at me, kirstein?” you ask in a harsh whisper.

Jean shrugs, “you seem tired.”

What?

He noticed?

More importantly, he cared?

You tried not to show how flustered it made you feel. Big deal, he did the bare minimum. Besides, it was obvious you were tired, it wasn’t like you were trying to actively hide it. At least, you weren’t anymore.

“well, I am. a little. I just need sleep.” You mutter, and you know he heard it, but he continues to look at you with… pity? pride?

no. resolve.

His brows furrowed, his jaw locked, his hands resting on the table. you had seen that look before, while he was taking tests. The same face he made while he was at practice and you were under a tree, drawing the scenery before you.

You shivered slightly. Because of the wind form the window. Yeah, the wind.

Jean turns his head to the board again, as mr. smith names pairs of students to do the project together. You didn’t know what jean was going to do, but you knew he would do it. Jean Kirstein, a man of his word.

“yeah. You need sleep, it shows.”

Ah, yes. Jean Kirstein, an honest man.

You rolled your eyes.

“jean kirstein and (y/f/n).” you heard, snapping you out of whatever daze you were in.

Fucking amazing.

Jean turns to you again, and you can almost hear the smirk in his voice as you will yourself to not look at his pretty face. “goodie. Can't wait to do everything by myself.”

The bell rings, and you pack up whatever you had laying around.

“be my fucking guest.” You say to him as you walk away.

He, of course, follows. “what, you want me to take credit for it? Would that look good on your report, (l/n)?”

"my report would still better than yours after it, so.” You snap back. You really were not in the mood for this. “when do you want to meet up for the project?” you ask, “will after school today work for you?”

You hated to admit it, but this was probably the only “break” you’d get. Your parents only ever let you go out if it was for studying, and even that was rare, since they claimed they didn’t trust anyone in your school enough to let you go off with them.

But jean, however, had seen your parents. He had managed to charm them, even, at your middle school’s science fair, with his big words and sources and incredible topic. If you told your parents you were with the boy that got second place in the competition, they would maybe allow you to take some time in the café, away from them.

jean winced, “cant do today, sweetheart. Got practice. Tomorrow, though? Does that work for you?” he asks. You weren’t sure if he was trying to get you flustered or mad because of the nickname, but nevertheless, you were both.

“yeah, im free tomorrow. Have fun at practice. Don’t trip and fall on those untied shoelaces.” You say, glancing at his feet, speed walking away before he could reply.

You turned around only a bit, seeing him check his shoes, marco bodt standing behind him and looking at him confused.

You turned ahead and allowed a small smirk.

--

You tried your best to not focus on your mother’s words, you really did. But by god it was harder to do that by the second.

“you know, when I was small, younger than you, people would see my art and want to copy it,” she boasted, holding your sketchbook. “I was really good.”

“well I guess I inherited it from you then, huh?” you ask, deciding to humour her, the edge in your voice was sharp enough to cut paper.

“you still have a long way to go.” She says.

She gets up from her place on your bed, leaving a dip in your mattress. “anyway, what fruit should I cut up for you? and don't ask for watermelon, the season for that has passed.”

“im not hungry. I had coffee.” You say, turning back to your homework as you hear her say something about how coffee will shorten your life span while walking away.

You glanced out the window and sighed. The clouds were pretty grey today, and you wondered if it was going to rain. You wondered if you should go out for a run if the gloomy weather subsided. Maybe if your brother was up for it, you could take his car and go to the pizza place a block away late at night.

The pizza was pretty crappy, but it was the only time your brother and you ever held a conversation. Whether it was about your school, his college, some show you were watching, anything.

You were glad you both put your differences aside after you turned 14. He was the only one who ever made you feel seen with parents who made you feel like you didn’t exist for majority of your childhood.

It was nice. You hoped he wasn’t in one of his crappy moods tonight.

A notification rang from your phone. Assuming it was just a spam number, you went back to writing the essay you had to write for English, legs shaking under your table.

Another notification.

You ignored it once again.

Your phone vibrated twice, indicating that you were getting a call this time.

Finally snapping out of your focus, you turned to your phone to see the words ‘jean kirstein physics’ calling you.

Oh, yeah. You forgot you had his number since the last time you were paired up with him.

You picked up, rolling your chair far enough for you to lean back and stretch your legs.

“hello?” you spoke into your speaker.

“hey, practice got cancelled ‘cause it looks like it’ll rain. Do you wanna hang out?” he asks, and you can hear soft music playing in the background.

You shrug . “yeah, sure. Also, we wont be ‘hanging out’, Kirstein, we need to work.”

You can hear his smirk again. he never tries hiding it, atleast not when he’s speaking to you with that cocky tone. “whatever you say, sweetheart. Come on, get ready. im out your door.”

Your eyes widen as you roll towards your window, seeing his car infront of your room. “how the fuck?”

You can see him wave through the window of his car. He’s leaning forward slightly, his hand resting on the steering wheel as he waves with its, his phone in the other hand. He’s smiling.

“I know your address from last time, babe. Come on, I don’t have all day.”

You roll your eyes as you flip him off through your window. “ill be down in ten. Oh, say hi to my mom before you pick me up. she’ll think im using you as an excuse.”

“oh? You’ve used me as an excuse?”

“no, dumbass, I don’t need to. She’ll think I am, though. Also I think she likes you. or, she tolerates you more than Ash, anyway. Something about their hair makes her bitchy.” You check your door to make sure its closed.

You hear him laugh. A swarm of butterflies make their home in your belly. You slip a small smile of your own. “okay, then. I’ll say hi. be downstairs quick, though.”

“yeah, yeah, whatever.”

True to his word, jean kirstein does knock on the door to let her know he’s the one picking you up. your mom doesn’t complain as you slip your shoes on, which you assume is a good thing.

You save him just in time, though, as your mom smothers him with questions youre sure he hasn’t thought about yet. His face and shoulders relax when you tell him you should leave.

“bye, ma. Be back by 9.” You say.

“8 o clock! No more!” you hear her shout as you close the door.

“well that went better than I thought it would.” You tell jean, who has a hand on his heart, eyes still wide.

His neck snaps towards you, and you try not to laugh at his expression. He continues to walk towards his car as you trail behind him.

“well? That’s well for you? jeez, I felt like I’d have a heart attack with all the questions,” he exclaims. You put a hand on his shoulder, feeling him relax under your slight touch.

“you’ll live.”

He opens your passenger door for you to slip in. you thank him quietly, letting yourself get comfortable in his car. His cologne was even more present in his car, and a poloroid of him and his friends hung from a string from his rearview mirror. The flash was bright, and you recognized most of them. Jean had his arms around sasha braus and connie springer, as armin alert squatted infront of them, sporting a bright smile of his own. Behind the trio was marco bodt, smiling, ofcourse. You doubted you had ever seen him not smiling and you wondered how he didn’t get tired. mikasa was next to armin, squatting and laughing at eren yeager, who tried to squat but was falling down as the picture was being taken. On armin’s left was annie leonheart, with her hands in her hoodie pockets, a slight smile playing on her lips. rare of her to do, but not unusual when she was with armin.

You hadn’t talked to armin well in about a year. The last time you had talked to him was the winter formal as a sophmore, where you both agreed you’d be better of as friends anyway.

He didn't reply to your texts much after that.

Jean slipped into his seat, buckling himself in.

He hands you his phone. Taking it, you look at him questioningly. He cracks his neck, running a hand through his hair as he speaks, “play whatever music you’d like.”

Surprised he’d trust you with the greatest honour of letting you pick music, you played a song you knew he’d like, hoping he hadn’t listened to it already. The music flowed through the car as did the cool air from the ac.

“where are we heading?” you ask as jean starts driving. His left hand, the one he has doodles on, grips the steering wheel while he drives, as his right one rests on the gear, his fingers thrumming against it to the beat of the song.

“do you remember that café from last time? There.”

You take a moment to sit in stunned silence. Jean didn’t seem to realise that you were basking in a new feeling.

He remembered?

It wasn’t a surprise that you remembered, considering that their coffees were one of the most expensive yet the best tasting coffees you had ever had. You remembered him paying for you. maybe that’s why he remembered? there was nothing memorable about the last time you got paired up with him, if you thought about it. You genuinely thought he had forgotten about the place.

But as it turned out, he did not forget.

“oh. The one with the expen-“

“expensive coffee you really liked? Yeah. Honestly, theyre more of milkshakes than coffee, but to each to their own, I guess.” He says, glancing at you before taking a turn.

“of course you wouldn’t appreciate the good coffee,” you say, crossing your arms in front of your chest, “which ones do you like, anyway? Black coffee to be pretentious and feel grown up?"

“hey, black coffee is good!” he exclaims.

“predictable,” you mutter under your breath, knowing he had heard you anyway.

He shakes his head, gaze still locked on the road. “I don’t really like their coffee. I can stand their cheesecake though. And hey, if anyone’s pretentious here, its you. youre the one who likes their coffees” he says, arguing childishly. In his defence, you were technically enabling it.

A smile plays on your lips, “its not like go there all the time! Only for a treat.”

“a treat? So, like, everyday?”

“haven’t been there since three months, actually. And the last time I did go, like a couple weeks ago, they were closed.” You defended yourself.

You saw jean’s lips quirk up as he shook his head. “today is a treat then? With me?”

“don’t flatter yourself.”

“admit it, sweetheart. You think im a treat.”

“I do not. Youre the one who insists on paying for my drink. You don’t have to put on the gentleman act for someone who is going to accomplish much more than you.” you say, not really meaning your words. He knew, of course, he knew what you meant. He side eyes you and the previous butterflies seemed to have multiplied.

“im not acting like a gentleman. If you want the whole package then ask me out for dinner first, then we’ll see. And fine, if you wanna pay so bad-“

“I never said that-“

“then you can. Be my guest, waste your money.”

Your bickering went back and forth, and you realised how much you credited jean for his conversation skills. If this was ash, or even your brother, they’d be sick of your constant petty jabs, but jean wasn’t.

Another thing about jean kirstein that you found yourself mentally noting : he pushed you to be… better? You didn’t know if the bickering counted as being better, but academically speaking, he was the top of the list when it came to you pushing yourself to be the best you could be.

The one time you felt seen was when you were with him. Ash would always talk over you, and you liked that about them, you really did. but was it so bad for you to want to be heard? Just for a bit? Even if it was only for a while, even if it was only about studying, you liked jean to be the one you were competing with.

And as much as you hated to admit it, you also liked being partnered up with him. it was like a superpower you had discovered while being paired up with him the last time. You realised how much you could accomplish when you were with him. like he was your driving force, in a way.

The last time you had been paired up with him, he had introduced you to almost everyone in his friend group. You didn’t get particularly close to any of them, but you were glad to be a part of their little group anyway. Ash, connie’s… crush? Friend with benefit? They hadn’t put a label on it, but you could tell that Ash was glad you were coming out of your shell as well.

That was until winter formal, before armin said you two should be friends after being the one who asked you to go with him in the first place. you weren’t mad at him, per say. You knew who he was, and what he was was a good friend. you didn’t expect him to officially ask you out, anyway, so it was all water under the bridge.

After he started to distance himself from you, you did the same for him. he needed his space, and you respected that. you didn't know how that translated to you distancing yourself from the rest of the group, but somehow, you did. The only person you sort of kept in touch with after that was jean, and even that was only rarely. You and him never went out of each other’s ways to make plans, hangout, or even text after that. Yet, whenever you talked to him, you felt like you were on cloud nine.

Which was dangerous. Jean had… a reputation. He was pretty, it was obvious. He was smart, and he was good at soccer, and practically everything else anyone could ever be perfect in. after mikasa and eren finally started dating, he started dating, too. some people here and there, you heard Ash tell you about his new partner almost every two months. He wasn’t a heartbreaker, though. He was always respectful about his relationships, but it still felt forced. Like people were only dating him because they saw him being perfect all the time. like people saw himself as how they wanted to and not who he really was.

You remembered him telling you about it once, before the winter formal. He told you about how he felt the need to be perfect because if he wasn’t, people wouldn’t like him. more importantly, he felt like people should like him, because for the longest time people hadn’t . the moment he started to achieve things was the moment he was noticed, if not loved. the moment he started showing himself, even if wasn't the version he wanted, he was praised. He didn’t want to lose that.

You remembered hugging him after that. He hadn’t cried, but his eyes were glistening as you sat on someone’s bed at someone’s party. You patted his back, rubbing circles there, as he kept his hand on your thigh.

You wondered if you were the reason your friendship with him changed. You wondered if your brother moving away for MIT was the reason you started not caring about how people viewed you and more about how your grades would look.

You wondered if jean would… like you if you had persisted and stuck with him when he started to distance himself.

“y/n?” jean calls out to you, as you snap out of your thoughts drowning you.

“hm?”

“we’re here, dumbass. We’ve been here since two minutes. Where’s your mind?” he asks, flicking your forehead. He does it gently though, to not hurt you.

You shake your head. “nowhere important.” You unbuckle your seatbelt, stepping out of the car, as jean follows behind.

--

Jean ended up paying for your drink before you could stop him.

You didn’t complain this time, mainly because you were too focused on your textbook and the way jean’s shoulder was brushing yours.

It irritated you, of course. Stupid jean’s stupid warmth, stupid perfume, stupid stubble. He’d grown so much since sophmore year, you almost didn’t recognize him. he grew out the aforementioned stubble a little, only a little, and you could almost tell that he spent the entire summer growing it out. His previously short and choppy hair grew out floppy and sometimes fluffy hair that, in your and everyone else's opinions, suited him. you had heard him talking to Marco about getting a mullet in the future. as someone with common sense and eyes, you didn't deny how good he looked, with or without the mullet.

And as someone with common sense, you also didn’t tell him just how pretty he was. You were sure he knew already, with his smug face and almost everyone lining up for a night with him. it didn’t help that he had a good personality, too. it would’ve been so much easier to act like you hated him if he was actually a terrible person.

But no, he was a good person, and you were reminded of that fact when jean passed you a tissue after you devoured your milkshake-esque coffee, and offering you a piece of his cheesecake.

After a good three hours of studying the topic and coming up with things to put in your project, jean stretches his arms up, letting out a yawn in the process. His shirt rode up a bit, as you averted your gaze and focused on packing up your books and pens.

It was almost 8 pm, and you were surprised your parents hadn’t called you home yet. Did they really trust jean that much? Or was the text you sent to your brother enough to lay them off for a while?

You stood up letting out a breath, trying to even out your breathing. Maybe they did trust jean to let you stay so late. They wouldn’t be mad at you for studying with someone, right? And if they asked, you could show them the notes. Nothing to be stressed about. Then why was your heart beating so hard?

Jean placed a hand on your shoulder. “let me take that,” he says, pulling the bag from your arms.

You were too tired to complain, as you followed him to his car like a lost puppy.

The ride home was also peaceful. No bickering, no discussions, no questions. You guessed jean was tired, too. the song you picked out for him played softly as you reached home.

You unbuckled your seatbelt, collecting your bag and phone. Before you could push the door open, however, jean grabbed your wrist, making your head turn towards him.

The headlights of his car reflected on the inside, making his brown eyes glow a slight yellow from the side. his noes and eyelashes created beautiful shadows on his face. “are you sure youre okay?” he asks in a low voice, almost whispering. “you know that im…. im here for you, right? We’re friends.” He says.

Your heat beats faster. You swallow, feeling a lump forming in your throat. He said you were friends. Like the casual type that you’d call up at random times to tell them about your day, like the ones that went to grab coffee together, the ones that invited eachother to parties and introduced all of your other friends to.

Its not like Ash wasn’t your friend. right? Just because they were hanging out with connie a bit more didn’t mean they were completely ditching you right?

God, were his words really enough to make you feel seen?

You shrugged. “of course I’m okay.” Leaving it at that. You didn’t tell him about how much your mother’s words from earlier had hurt you, or how much you wanted to feel included in something. It was embarrassing. And coming from jean? Even more so. How had he noticed? Didn’t he stop talking to you after the formal? Wasn’t he the one who only talked to your for your notes?

Wasn’t he also the one to lend you a pencil a good four months after said formal? Wasn’t he also the one who asked how your test went, starting a conversation between you two after almost five months of almost nothing except waves from across the hallway?

Again, why was this affecting you more than it should have?

He was looking at you, concerned and not convinced. “I just need some sleep.” You clarified, hoping that will make whatever was going on in his mind stop.

His hand left your wrist and you immediately missed the warmth he provided. He sighed, blinking. “well….if you ever need anything, im only a text away, alright?”

He smiles. And not in the typical, smug, I-want-to-look-good smile, but the soft, gentle smile. The corner of his eyes crinkled, his eyebrows and shoulders relaxed. He looked like him again, like the night he thanked you for holding him after his rant at the party, like the day you and him went out for coffee without telling your parents, like the day he invited you to a party and introduced you to all his other friends, like the day he had called you to tell you about his surprisingly good day.

You gave him the same smile you returned to him all the previous times.

“I know.” You whisper.

You didn’t want to leave. You desperately wanted nothing more than to stay here, basking in his cologne and smile and warmth for the rest of your days. You could rot here and flowers could bloom from your skeleton and still be content.

But by the time you could do any of that, you had already gotten up from your seat, turning to shut the door.

Jean was looking at you then, when you crouched down, meeting his eyes again. he was looking at you the same way he was when you drank that milkshake coffee in under two minutes. “im here for you too, jean. Don’t forget that.” You say, smiling. You turn and close the door before he can answer.

Before entering your house, however, you turn around.

He’s looking at you, smile still present, one hand stretched on the steering wheel as the other waved at you.

you waved back.

---

it was almost 1 am when you got the notification.

Jeankirstenoutoften sent you their story.

Stretching your legs from under your desk, you slump onto your bed, phone in hand. When you open the message, you see a story with a picture of you drinking the coffee, and another picture of you leaning down and writing in your notebook, with an emoji of a daisy on the side of the story along with your username tagged next to it.

The song was the same youd made him listen to in the car, which surprised you, to say the least. You didn’t know he would pay attention to your choice of songs, or even care, and the fact that he remembered to add that made yet another swarm of butterflies fill up in your belly.

You liked the story, adding it to your own with a green heart emoji, knowing jean’s favourite colour like the back of your hand.

Jean instantly messaged you after that.

Jean k.:

Why are you awake??

Why r YOU awaje, kirstein

Jean k.:

Cuz I wasn’t the one complaining about being tired, sweet heart

Also you have to get up at what

7? Tomorrow?

Your brows furrowed.

How fo uou know that?

Okay yes I a m tred but that doesn’t mean

that

I’ll actally skeep

Sleepig is fir looserd

Jean k.:

Jesus

Maybe you should sleep

The amount of typos youre making

It givbed charafter

Mayve you shuiuld look iy up

He was right. You were tired and sleepy, but you werent about to prove him right. He didn’t know you as much as he thought he did.

Jean k.:

Are you just trying to prove a point?

Well, shit.

Dint u habe practive tonroow?

Tonroow.

Yes I do

That’s besides the point

HYPOCRUSY

Ojg maybr we shoukd nap un ur car

Im not bringing my car tomorrow sweetheart

If you wanna sleep with me that bad

just ask

I dubt wabt to skeep with yu

I wabt to NAP wuth u.

they r complwtely diffebrbet

"diffebrbet" wasn't even close to different

Y/n

Please sleep

NI

Do u tgink beyobce skept

…

Beyonce?

Are you asking me if beyonce slept??

Youre proving my point you need to sleep

Wgats ur fac fkower

Why does that matter rn?????

Ander tge dan qyestion

Fine

Tulips.

Is this twenty questions?

Is it my turn omg

Whats ur fav time to sleep?

…

Sweetheart?

y/n?

replied to themself

Whats ur fav time to sleep?

question answered

its now.

Sleep well, y/n :)

See u 'tonroow'.

Jean smiled. He quickly turned off his phone, putting it to charge after making sure he turned his alarm on for tomorrow.

Tonroow.

Maybe he shouldve stopping smiling so wide only because of a couple stupid messages from you, but he couldn’t.

Didn’t you get the hint? Didn’t you know that he only called you sweetheart? That he would never treat everyone else like how he treated you?

Maybe he was putting you on a pedastal, but in his eyes, its where you belonged. On a pedastal, with your sparkling eyes and pretty smile and sarcastic remarks. Maybe it was the way the chapstick you wore accentuated the smike, maybe it was your signatue earrings that moved slightly evertime you nodded that added to your.... yourself.

He wished he hadnt stopped talking to you. he knew what was happening to him, he knew what he was feeling and he was scared. So, like the idiot he was, he decided to push his affections elsewhere. Mikasa Ackerman never looked at him. not in the way he wanted her to, atleast. Mikasa Ackerman was an unattainable goddess, only having eyes for one person, who seemed to be reciprocating her feelings, even if he was below her level. Then again, so would Jean be if she ever were to glance his way. But he didn’t stop his “crush” from foring on her. It was better than it forming on you, someone also unattainable, but in a completely different way. You and him had been…acquiantances if not frienemies since what felt like forever. He couldn’t risk ruining that.

Even if he went ahead and ruined it anyway. He started ignoring you, slowly distancing himself after the formal, never once asking if you were okay after that. Never once asking what you were up to. Soon enough, you grew apart to the time inmiddle school, where the only words spoken between the two of you were insincere insults along with continous bickering, surface level jabs as if you didn’t see him almost break down in the room while a party raged on downstairs. As if you werent his close friend, as if you werent the only one who really saw him at one point.

He missed you. painfully so. He knew why he did it in the first place. he regretted everything about it, but he also didn’t do anything to stop it. He was…okay, right? Without you? life was better, he had gotten closer to marco, been accepted by this big group of friends who he knew cared deeply for him.

But he missed you. his group of friends werent you. they didn’t have the warmth you so openly offered to him without hesitation. They were amazing, really, but they didn’t hold him the way you did. they didn’t make his skin shiver the way you did, they didn’t make his car feel like the safest haven on earth with music playing softly, they didn’t smile like you did, they didn’t…. they werent you.

So, he did what he should've done in the first place. he had no intention of starting the project today, with the sumbission date being more than enough for him to cram in a week and still get a good grade on it.

But he wanted to see you. the real you, not the one you kept hidden in school. The person he saw sitting by the window, knees shaking, dark circles prominent under your eyes. He knew you knew he was staring, but he didn’t stop. You were sitting right next to him and yet you seemed so far.

Guilt swallowed him up whole along with regret. he was going to make an effort. He promised himself right then and there that he’d grow closer to you again, regardless of the fact that his too-strong feelings for you never really faded away, regardless of how scary said feelings were, he was going to try.

His forearm relaxed on his forehead as he closed his eyes.

And you looked so pretty today, the glow of his headlights illuminating the side of your face as you crouched to his eye level to tell him that you cared, that you’d listen to him if he ever needed it and oh, he needed it. He needed you. even if all the two of you did today was study and get work done, it was one of the most….full day he had. He felt full, content, and even if the table stretched in silence for most of the time, he felt like he wasn’t hidden.

He fell asleep feeling happier than he had since when he was crushing on mikasa.

--

Maybe he shouldve slept sooner. His eyes felt like they were on fire, the burn only calming when he closed them by blinking.

Connie passed him a cold red bull, noticing his tired state. Jean thanked him silently as he chugged half of it in one go, ignoring the stin that came with the cool liquid.

“did you not sleep like….at all last night?” eren asks, wiping the sweat off of his forehead. his front bangs stick to his forehead despite the cool weather. Coach ackerman had gone easy on the training today, and that was saying a lot. jean still felt like his bones were breaking.

“I did sleep. Got a late night that’s all.” Jean says. Despite eren and jean’s obvious dislike for eachother, they still considered the other a friend. they could be civil sometimes, when they felt like it. Which was rarely, but it still counted.

Pulling out his phone, he checks his phone.

3 unread messages from (y/n) <3

FUCK I FELL ASLEEP

This proves nothing.

Im still winning.

Jean smiles, opening your texts.

Uh huh. Keep that imagination going.

Is debate club over yet? I saw a couple of

the students hanging around the field.

Yeah I just finished

Got done early today for some reason

Same

Wanna come here so we can walk together?

My mom made omletes

I think she packed an extra one if youre hungry

Oh

Ur mom’s omletes do sound rlly good rn

Only if theres extra tho

Im pretty sure there is

she always packs more than I need

Although that was true, jean had specifically asked er to pack one more today, one for him, one extra, and one for you.

I'll be down in two :)

Drink water, kirstein, not just redbull

Jean smiles slightly, chugging the rest of his red bull.

“whats gotten you so smiley?” reiner asked as he ruffled his hair.

“is it (y/n)?” marco follows up with his own question, and jean feels like digging a hole and burrying himself in it right then and there.

“oh, (y/n)? I havent seen them around since sophmore year.” Eren says.

Jean shrugs while uncapping his water bottle. “yes, its (y/n). theyre coming down here right now.”

reiners brows furrowed. “you guys are talking again?”

jean hated the way he said it. He hated that everyone he knew also knew about how close you and him used to be at one point, however brief.

Yet, jean maintains his uncaring exterior, and shrugs. “never really stopped talking,” he lies.

Marco shoots him a knowing look as jean drinks his water, pretending to not notice it.

“talking about your grades doesn't count, horseface.” Eren says, getting up before jean could react.

He sees mikasa waiting for eren near the field, the latter greeting her by grabbing her hand and kissing her knuckles. Jean didn’t feel the jealousy he wouldve felt three months ago, he simply observed without the familiar feeling of subtle rage and sadness crawling up his heart.

One by one, everyone left to do god knows what, until only him and marco were left. They were sitting on the grass, jean’s body resting on his eblows with marco copying his stance.

“do you still like them?” marco blurts out.

If it was anyone else, jean would've denied any feelings towards you. that was the only thing he was probably jealous of armin for; the fact that the blonde was a far more convincing liar then jeabever could be.

Jean sighed, glancing at his phone, screen now blackened. “I think so. I don’t think my feelings ever….went away if that makes sense. Like, I hoped they would go away but they didn’t and now I just feel…”

“like a dick?” marco finishes with a small smirk.

Marco bodt was known in the school for his good looks and even better personality. He was kind, but not in the pushover way. he knew all the right things to say to someone under any circumstance. Jean was pretty sure that the only person who saw him crumble once was jean himself, when he reassured marco that hed do well in the match despite his then recent injuries.

But what everyone didn’t see was how…smug marco could be. He could be witty when he wanted, and his teasing would almost combat the one jean faced by you, too. it was in the good way, of course, and jean was glad marco felt comfortable enough with him to be open with him. jean would be caught dead voicing his affections, though, just like he would be if he ever gathered the courage to tell you about how he’d been pining you since before you and armin ever met.

Jean purses his lips, trying not to show his friend that he was right. Jean was sure he knew, though. Marco, somehow, like you, always knew. “yeah. Like a dick.”

“well, its good youre trying to patch things up with them now. Better late then never, yeah?” marco says as he gets up, wiping off the dirt on his hands. “see you in class. Have fun with y/n” marco winks, and jean catches the innuendo.

“its not like that!” jean shouts behind him, watching his back shake with laughs. Jean hopes his blush isnt too prominent for you to notice when you greet him.

Which you do, after another minute of him waiting on the grass.

“did you drink water? Your face is red.” You say, sitting down next to him, slipping your bag fro your shoulders.

“and how is water supposed to help with a red face?”

You shrug, tucking a strand of hair behind you ear. “water solves 99% of your problems.”

“will it make you less annoying?”

“it wont, but it’ll probably help you dance, maybe.”

Jean blushes even more. “oh my god, that was a year ago.”

You snicker. “but youre still terrible at it. Im pretty sure my toes are still bruised with the amount of times you stepped on them.”

“that’s not even possible, and also, you werent that good, either.”

“sure, jean-bo.”

“don’t call me that!” his blush was still on his face, now darkening furiously. You chuckle, which makes his heart skip a beat.

“lets just eat that damn omlete, yeah?”

--

[daniel-profeta]

daniel profeta Interview

Hey y'all!! Back around March/April 2023 I was approached by a diy "magazine" that was more of a blog about artists in Georgia, to record an interview about my music and other projects. Sadly they decided against using it, but they just sent me a transcript so I could post it myself. It's slightly disjointed, but maybe you'll find some enjoyment out of it.

daniel: My dad got a used acoustic guitar when I was 13, and I kinda stole it to practice with all the time. So began my awe-inspiring journey of entirely mundane events. I taught myself how to play and sing with YouTube and just went forward from there. All throughout my life I've had problems expressing myself, but music, and art as a whole, have become my voice and taken over nearly every aspect of my life.

With hindsight I realized this always was the case. As a kid I was always enamored with storytelling… From reading for hours a day to attempting and failing to write a fantasy novel, from crying listening to Elliott Smith, Alex G, Mitski, Car Seat Headrest, Phoebe Bridgers, and countless other artists and bands to writing and recording hundreds of songs that never saw the light of day, my life has been a string of "failures" that's slowly becoming a vessel for expression. Meeting that one person who knows your songs and sings along with you, knowing you wrote something that meant anything to another human, makes me feel less alone. That's what it's all about.

I owe a lot to my parents for cultivating an appreciation for art, and while they never exactly "approved" of my life choices (laughs), they never really tried to stop me. Maybe they should have tried harder, who knows. When I was really young my mom tried and succeeded at getting me interested in acting in films. While I started as an extra in shows and movies like Stranger Things and The Hunger Games (it's a lot easier to be a movie extra than many people think), I eventually started getting actual roles. I've been in a few horror short films, and if you ever try to talk to me about horror I will talk your ear off… But the highlights of my acting career have been working in the incredible educational series Super Science Showcase as the geeky character Caleb, and meeting and working with the innovative director Barry Jenkins on the show The Underground Railroad (while my role was fairly small in that, that week of filming was one of the most surreal and rewarding experiences of my life, second only to playing live music and having people scream my lyrics in my face).

I was homeschooled growing up, and my family was forced to move around a lot as we struggled to find affordable housing and jobs. The cool thing about being homeschooled is you kinda set your own hours and have a little more free time, but the bad thing (for me) about homeschooling was the feeling of isolation and inability to do much besides write and try to make stuff. I wasn't allowed on the internet until I was 14-15, but then it was like a whole new world opened up for me.

One interesting thing about trying to create this life is the weird relationship most people have to it. Like, no one supports you unless you're successful, yet it's almost impossible to be successful without support. For example, I have a YouTube channel where I have uploaded nearly 2000 videos over the course of 3 years (yes, I know I have no life, don't rub it in) that's just called "daniel profeta" (stylized lowercase cause I'm cool). In the last few months I went from having 1000 subscribers to having 25,000 subscribers. My point being, "overnight" success is only real to people on the outside, people who don't see the thousands of failed attempts. People who don't hear the conversations where everyone close to you tells you to give up. Every step of the way there are opportunities to learn and grow and adapt, but you must be willing to block out the noise and get up every time you fall. That's the realest thing people who make art will learn, not everyone will like what you're doing. It takes time and effort to find YOUR people. But just know they're out there, and never give up.

I never had formal training of any kind, for acting, writing, guitar, vocals, bass, piano, recording, editing, the list goes on. Quickly I learned that I would never have the equipment, connections, or resources that many others did, but that's where you become resourceful. I am forever indebted to lo-fi music like Car Seat Headrest, The Mountain Goats, Bright Eyes, and Daniel Johnston, because without them I probably never would have had the courage to start. The ethos of DIY is one outside of gatekeeping and elitism, the ideas and community are open in mind and heart. We will "make it", and we will do so on our own terms. So, to keep this explanation brief, I have made multiple albums of music with no "real" recording equipment and recorded music videos myself with a crappy camera and some friends. I play all the instruments and do all the mixing myself. It's incredibly fun yet tedious, but the feeling of uploading or playing something is the greatest feeling in the world.

Your question was if my road was a smooth one, but I would say there really wasn't a road at all. Just foreboding uncharted wilderness with a few guiding lights of inspiration to help me on the way to creating the life I hope to have. But the way I see it, each failing, each stumble, and each limitation were just blessings in disguise. Take my music for instance, I used to feel ashamed of the low recording quality of my early work, but now I see it like a badge. It's honest, raw, and ultimately more powerful and unique. And the people I've met are some of the most driven and ambitious people in the world. We will make it, and when we do everyone who doubted will eat their words (laughs again), not that it matters. To quote Frank Lopez Jr. "Probably won't taste like the blood sweat and tears and the fear of regret and the ever elusive 3% chance I’m going to make it."

My main thing right now is music, and I play all over Atlanta and the rest of Georgia (if any venues or people with cool basements hears this and wants to book me, hello…. My name is Daniel, and I'm a pretty cool guy who's fairly easy to exploit. Feel free to reach out as I'm nearly always desperate for work) and hope to start playing more states soon. I currently don't have a band (if any cool people hear this and want to join my band, hello…), so my live shows are a mix of covers and original music done with an acoustic guitar. Folk music, punk music, indie rock, confessional songwriting, and the heaviest industrial metal/noise music you've heard since Swans. Or 100 Gecs.

But I am most proud of my recording efforts to be honest. The website Bandcamp has been a godsend. One of the only companies that fairly pays artists right now (looking at you Spotify…), Bandcamp is a place artists can upload music and charge for it and whatever. Anyways, I have 2 full albums and a 25 minute EP on Bandcamp and on my YouTube channel. I recorded many many songs and sequenced albums before this, but none of that has seen the light of day.

The first album is called Mania Machinations and it was pretty depressing to make and to listen to. But it was incredibly therapeutic to me, it felt like casting out demons. There are also a few songs I still think are really pretty, like the song Go to Bed which is about that feeling I mentioned earlier. I remember I was on a call with someone I trusted for hours and at the end they told me I should stop trying to make music because it didn't sound good. They told me I was going to end up broke and homeless and that I was pretty stupid for even attempting to do this stuff.

To me, the point has always been about expression and catharsis. And once I found a few people who my messages resonated with, then the point expanded to almost a group therapy thing. Casting out demons. So anyways, I got off that call that fateful night at 5 am and went to my room and wrote Go to Bed to try and describe all the thoughts in my stupid head. It started out bitter, but then changed and became something beautiful.

The second album is Paper Skies, and in that one I tried to adopt a character to live the life I want to live. Themes of touring, meeting people, and still not quite finding whatever it is I'm looking for. Ideas of ascending to the stars by shooting for the moon. Lots of pipe dreams and sad breakup songs. But about halfway through, the "character" starts to fall apart as imposter syndrome takes hold. In the end I go back to themes of mental health and isolation. This album is lyrically super meta and kind of pretentious, but when I wrote it, it didn't feel that way.

And my latest project is an EP called The Sighting, which I highly recommend as a starting point if you want to listen to my music. The Sighting is titled to sound like a UFO encounter. I tried to tone down some of the darker elements, and I just really like the way this one turned out. I'm a big album person, and when I write I try to sequence things right. Everything has purpose and is tied together thematically, and in this case I was thinking of the future. Of the possible end of the world or breakdown of society as we currently know it. But instead of making songs about that, I just used a post-apocalyptic setting as a backdrop for a bunch of songs that at their heart are love songs. The music videos I made I'm really proud of, especially one called Lighting in a Bottle (which was inspired by Elliott Smith's video for Coming Up Roses).

Oh, almost forgot to mention this, but if you download any of my music off Bandcamp you get access to liner notes and cool artwork. Also, exclusive to The Sighting there is a pdf that serves as a book of short stories to flesh out the post-apocalyptic world. There's a lot of recurring themes and motifs in my work, and a lot of them get explained in much further detail. Plus, they took months to write so it'd be awesome if people got to read them.

Finally, I'm currently obsessed with YouTube. On my channel I talk about music, weird media, horror, and make video essays and commentary style videos on pretty much anything I'm interested in. Every now and then I go live and play music. I think I'm funny, maybe you will too!

The music industry is so vast, I don't think I can even begin to predict how things are going to shake out, I can only speak to my little bubble. But one thing I know for certain, you'll be hearing about me and my associates more and more as the years go on. Just kidding… Or am I?

In all seriousness, I am seeing some interesting trends develop among people my age (I'm 19) {note from current me: I'm 20 now lol}. More and more bands like, I don't know, Pigeon Pit, are finding success. The Front Bottoms are getting huge. Phoebe Bridgers is a cultural icon. People like Mac Demarco are able to release music on Bandcamp and actually become millionaires. Some would have you believe music is dying, I believe there has never been a more interesting time in music. The variety, lack of extreme censorship, ability to find fans and friends without needing a record label, power to play almost anywhere, at this point all you really need is patience, drive, determination, and something to say. Everyone has something to say.

Indie rock and psychedelic rock seem to be making a comeback into the mainstream, and so does pop punk and nu-metal. Lots of genres being mashed together to create new things. 100 Gecs basically made a whole new genre super popular. An artist called Weatherday made one of the coolest albums ever only a couple years ago. Will Toledo went from recording albums in his car to playing big venues.

The world seems to be able to tell when an artist is being real, so my advice for artists that want to find lasting success would be to do whatever you want. Don't worry too much about trends, there's a place for pretty much everything and you'll have way more fun making the weird stuff you want to make instead of making something that looks or sounds exactly like whatever happens to be popular at the time. Sure, the culture shifts, but it's never boring.

That's my whole thing, at least art is never boring. I can try to approach life as an adventure instead of as a terrifying slog through hardship and pain. Whether or not I'm deluding myself doesn't really matter at that point. Perspective is like 50% of your entire outlook and attitude I've come to learn.

thanks for reading, if any blogs wanna interview me and also not be too scaredy-cat to publish it:)

[d4rlinx]

we meet again

[!Message ♡:

sorry for the very long wait and reader is not okay here (plus not proofread we die young) i was listening to the only heartbreaker by mitski and other mitski songs i ended up balling my eyes out]

warnings : maybe some errors i didnt notice, and woop woop angst alert !!

word count : 2287 words

@reomikagekin here's your request ! and sorry i accidently made it 2k words 🧍

banner : valentine's day coaster

You were walking home after school with Niko, Your best friend. You've been friends with him ever since you two were little.

You two met when you were little you played in the playground a lot, you never grew tired of it but one day while was playing in the playground, you found a little boy around your age hiding under a slide, with bangs that cover his eyes but you could tell that he's crying.

"Hey why are you crying?"

You shook his shoulders maybe a little too hard.

"*Sniff* I- *Sniff* I can't find my mama"

He said even though a lot of snot was dripping from his nose. You would've said ew but he's crying so not now.

Your hand reached out to help him stand up and pulled him up then you ask him.

"What's your name? I'll help you find your mama!" and then you introduce yourself.

"*hic* I'm Niko Ikki"

He said while wiping his tears

"Come on!"

You grabbed his arm and went to your parent, you were almost dragging him around.

"Mama !"

You called out to your parent who is sitting on a bench.

"Yes dear? And who is that you have there?"

Your parent noticed the boy you were holding

"Baba he said he can't find his mama!"

You tugged on your parent's arm while Niko is there just frozen.

Your parent kneeled down to his height

"Oh! here let's find your mama. First what's your name?"

Your parent asked in a gentle way for Niko.

"My name is Niko Ikki"

His eyes and nose were red because from all the crying but he stopped crying for now.

"Poor little kid. Ah! I know, I recognize that last name."

Like as if a light bulb lit up and went ding!

"See mama knows!"

You said proudly at Niko.

Niko was amazed even though it was nothing.

Then your parent got their phone and started dialing Niko's mom.

"Hello! who is this?"

the voice from the phone said

"Mama!"

Niko exclaimed his mother immediately recognized her son's voice.

"Oh Niko where are you!?"

His mom said worried where her son might be.

"Don't worry my kid here found him at the playground."

Your parent assured Niko's mom.

"Okay, thank you so much! I'll meet you there at the playground!"

His mom said with relief.

You feel so happy that you did something good!

"Yay!! we found Niko's mama!"

You said cheering.

"Yeah you did sweetie"

your parent ruffled your head and smiled.

"Niko!"

All of you heard his name being called and his mom is there.

"Mama!"

Niko ran towards his mom and his mom responded with her arms welcoming him.

"Thank you so much for finding him! I could not express my gratitude enough!"

His mom thanked us

"Hey don't thank me. Thank my kid they found him after all"

Your parent patting your head.

"Thank you so much"

His mother said with a sincere smile.

"You're welcome!"

You said with pride and with a stance with your hands on your hips.

"Now say bye bye to them Niko"

His mom said to Niko while carrying him.

"Bye bye!"

He said while waving towards us.

"Byeee!!"

You waver back to them. Then watched them become smaller and smaller.

"Come on let's go home now too"

Your parent said then holding your hand. It's already late afternoon.

"But we'll come back here right?"

You asked while walking out the playground

"Of course sweetie"

They said then pinching your cheek.

After they let go you then rubbed that part of your cheek.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Ever since that happened you two hung out in the playground since you see each other there a lot and became the best of friends.

Now back to walking home and stop pondering.

"Hey Niko look!"

You grabbed his shoulder and pulled him down.

"What!"

He shouted in shock cuz you just grabbed and pulled him down.

"A kitten"

you said and pointed at it.

"They're so cute don't you think?"

"You just pulled me down just for a kitten?.."

He looked at you with a deadpanned expression.

"Are they cute or not?"

"Yeah they are" he answered then sighed.

"Yep I'm going to keep them"

You then picked the kitten up in your hands since they're was still small and started petting it, Niko also petted the cat since who doesn't want to?

"Come on let's go."

You grabbed his hand and started walking to your house which startled him but he's used to it and removed your shoes before going in and dropped your bag on the table.

"But why are you bringing me here?"

He asked

"Because why not?"

You said while taking the kitten and giving it a bath in the sink.

"*sigh* typical"

He's the one who usually gets dragged by you but he doesn't mind at all since he enjoys you, your company after all. He fixed his bag then he stands up to go to see how it's going there.

"Niko can you dry off this fella?"

You said while holding the kitten simba style

"Sure"

He replied then gently drying off the kitten.

"Thanks and here's milk you little cutie furball"

You said as you baby talk to the kitten.

He just heard you baby talk and he just stands there processing it.

Then you realize that you said that out loud.

"Ahem you saw nothing"

you feel your cheeks heat up out of embarassment.

"Lips sealed and shut"

while his hand mimicking a zipper on his mouth.

"But you did look cute though."

"Shhhh no more."

You brought up your index finger to your lips.

"Oh I almost forgot"

You went to your room to get something.

Niko waited for you wondering what it might be.

"Here look"

In your hand was a ferret keychain.

You could tell his eyes lit up even though his bangs were in the way.

"Where did you get it?"

He said looking at it intensly.

"I just got it from a claw machine because I remembered that you like those and it's yours now."

You handed the keychain to him.

He felt happy that you payed attention and gave him this, he'll cherish it forever.

You lied on the couch with the kitten on your lap asleep. You looked outside the window the sun is already setting.

"Niko wanna watch a movie or whatevers showing right now. If you still have time or if you're okay with it."

You asked a question while making yourself comfortable on the couch and putting the pillows and plushies to their places. While he is putting the keychain on his bag and once he finished he

"Yep I'm okay let's go watch something."

he said then sat down next to you.

An hour passes and you find Niko leaning on your shoulder and you do the same and the kitten purring while you pet them. It feels comforting and relaxing you could even fall asleep but there's still time left so sleeping will have to wait so you will just have to embrace the moment happening, both of you silently watching and enjoying eachother's company.

A few minutes pass or you thought it was you checked the time it's already 8 at night.

"Niko aren't you going to go now? it's night alrea- *yawn* -dy"

You said while you stretched your arms.

He looked at the window and meeted with the night sky.

"Oh you're right I didn't notice"

"Me too"

You replied

"I have to get going now, see you tomorrow !"

He said as he gets his bag.

"Byeee see ya !"

You said waving, smiling.

He smiled back and waved goodbye.

You put the sleeping kitten on a cat bed that you had for a long time but didn't use then you went to your bed and rest, and by 'rest' means scrolling through your phone until you fall asleep. As you scroll through your phone, you can't fall asleep and your mind isn't helping at all maybe the reason why you couldn't fall asleep is because you applied to a program you were worried if you got in or not you wanted to help your mother in a way or atleast be proud of you again, you wanted to be better you wanted to stick out the crowd. Yet you still kept scrolling or playing games on your phone then your eyes started to feel heavy and you finally fell asleep.

You heard your alarm clock and you heard your mom call you. You went to your mom and asked.

"Good morning ma, why did you call me?"

You said and your eyes were droopy and barely open. "Here I found this letter outside"

they gave it to you. You recognized the stamp and it was from the program, your hands feel sweaty and you feel nervous yet you manage to open it.

(You have been selected for this program...)

They accepted you..

You were brimming with joy, they finally saw worth in you. You then went to your phone to tell Niko about it. You told him and he was proud of you and just as happy as you are which made you even happier than you already were.

He knows how much this meant to you but when he saw your message knowing that you'll probably be gone.

'I'll be back soon! so don't miss me too much'

You'll be back soon right?

You said that 3 years ago.

Yet you're still staying and the greed of being better took over you, it felt so good but is it right?

You never forgotten about Niko and realizing what you did you couldn't face him, you were too much of a coward to.

Niko thought that you'll be gone just for a few weeks then turned into a month then that month turned into a year.

He wonders if you'll ever come back he wants to believe that you will come back but another thought lingering at the back of his mind

'what if you never come back'

He didn't want to believe it not even for the world. Niko knows that you'll come back.

You went back to Japan, where you used to live

just for a vacation.

'It's already late afternoon

Walking through the busy streets on your way to your house. The busy streets wasn't that crowded but still a lot of people. More walking and you arrive to the neigbourhood, the nostalgia feeling and you remember the things you did there. Then of all the familiar things, you see him.

you two meet again

"niko?"

you mumbled to yourself and to the person who you assumed was niko and it was him

you went towards him, a nervous feeling went over you. The snow wasn't heavy but why does it feel difficult to go towards him? perhaps you were weighing yourself down? but he saw you already

"Is that you?.."

He said your name and it's been forever since you heard eachother's voice. he went towards you but you tried to get away. He managed to catch your hand.

"Where have you been? Why did you leave?"

he said a lot louder than he wanted it to be.

He was happy to see you again yet why did you leave him? He was upset but will that do anything good? But he had every right to feel that way because of you.

"I left for my dreams niko. I know what I did was a selfish choice and I'm sorry, I really am"

You managed to get out of your mouth. You could tell he was taken a back from your answer.

"So you chose to leave me?"

his voice sounds like he's holding his tears back

you knew it hurt him and that hurt you but it was either

Lose your chance to reach your dreams

or

Get the chance but you have to move out

either way you'll get hurt so it was now or never.

"I did, I regret it."

Looking away and desperately trying to not make eye contact, you couldn't handle this.

"But why didn't you tell me?"

He held onto your shoulders to make you focus at him. Even though you can't see his eyes you could feel him directly looking to you.

"I thought it would've hurt you more if I told you so I just kept going.."

You said breaking eye contact and looking at the snow on the ground. Saying it felt like it was just a stupid foolish reason.

His tears finally flowed down to his cheek.

"You idiot you should've told me but I'm happy that you're here and I forgive you.."

He said sniffling

In his eyes you're his friend someone who he can trust.

But in your eyes you're a wrongdoer

Forgive You? You should just accept it but why?

After all what you've done he'll just forgive you?

no.. you left him. You don't deserve to be forgiven.

"And why should you forgive me !? I left you, I had a choice to not to, I left willingly so why niko, why must you forgive me !?-

You sobbed out, your heart beating like crazy

your head flooded with questions and doubts,

Then he held you in his arms so suddenly

"Because you are important to me. I'd forgive you for everything, every mistake you do, no matter big or small I'll always forgive you. The only thing I'd never forgive you for is to never come back yet you're here."

He knew what you did and it did pain him but he knows it pained you too. You hugged him tighter while you sobbed.

"Thank you, Niko"

[sleepy-vix]

hey

how are you doing?

i came to ask you a question. so i know you love mitski a lot and i've been listening to her more recently and i just want to ask you, what is your favorite song from her? you can say more if you like. but also, if there was one mitski song you could make everyone listen to, which would it be? and which one would you recommend to me, specifically (based off anything, really. just curious)?

i have this class where we learn about psychology tests used for diagnostic purposes and we're about to take the beck depression test and i'm terrified shitless of it. so there's that. idk why i felt the need to share it (it literally starts in five minutes so maybe that?)

hope you're doing okay. stay safe out there <3

hii

i'm not very well. i've been feeling uncertain about everything and stressed out from exams, but hopefully that will go away soon :(

also oooh yay i'd love to talk about mitski. my favourite song by her usually depends on my current feeling in life, so it changes often. my current favourites are class of 2013, crack baby , my body's made of crushed little stars and i don't smoke!

i'm so excited to hear that you're listening to her! what songs do you like so far? one song that i would want everyone to listen to is "your best american girl" because i feel like there's so many different ways to interpret it and the feelings in that song are not expressed in media enough(?)- especially the line "you have so much to do and i have nothing ahead of me". Like, i feel like characters or people (me) who relate to that are never recognised or understood, but this song just understands them/me and so i'm very attached to it.

for you specifically, i think i would recommend "crack baby", for honestly no reason other than the fact that i think dazai embody the songs to an extent and you like dazai, so ;) i think you will be able to appreciate the song (atleast i hope so)

tysmmm for the asks!!! this was very interesting :)

also WHAT? a psychology test?

half of me is like "oooh a test" (i'm obsessed with taking tests about myself) but then again the other half scared because other people would see the results. i hope it went okay...? is it like a online thing or face to face? (if its face to face... YIKES!!!)

did it go well :( ?????

[tortoisebore]

i love ur little rambles so what do u think the losers coffee orders and music taste is (in hey sharpshooter or otherwise) 🤲

ooooo oooo ooo yes yes yes

((TORTOISE LORE on the days i have to work onsite at my job i almost exclusively set up shop at the coffee place across from the office & listen to my little music & drink my little beverages all day so this particular set of questions resonates with me so bad))

for consistency's sake coffee-wise let's say we're talking starbucks. i think most days sirius would go for something high in caffeine but with a little sweetness to it. a venti iced shaken espresso with oat milk and three pumps of classic sweetener, perhaps. maybe switch that classic out for chestnut praline at the holidays bc he's feeling festive. other days i think he'd want an absolute sugar bomb as a reward for getting through a rough week or bc he was really mature today and refrained from screeching at people in the street when they didn't walk fast enough & blocked the sidewalk when he was in a hurry. on those days he requires a big ole mocha cookie crumble frap or an iced cinnamon dolce latte with an extra shot for fun.

on his walk home he's listening to one of three playlists depending on the day. the first one is a fourteen hour pop girlie playlist that starts with style by taylor swift and ends with kiss me more by doja cat, with some ariana, gaga, spice girls, charli, no doubt, & even some abba thrown in the middle for spice. the second playlist is for mocha cookie crumble days and starts with your best american girl by mitski and features lots of phoebe, lots of taylor, lots of lana, some ethel cain for sure, some select fleetwood mac, maybe some stuff from the 1975's a brief inquiry album. it's all stuff he can dig into & be angsty with & have strong feelings to.

the third is a more generic thought-dump kind of playlist where he just throws in songs he likes. buttercup by hippo campus. the view from the afternoon by arctic monkeys. concussion by girlhouse. ilysb by lany. like....,.,moonage daydream. 6 inch. pink pony club. bring it on home. just a mix of vibes and genres & things he gets stuck in his head.

contrary to popular belief i do think remus is a coffee girlie and would pick a mug of good dark roast drip over tea any day. i think he's simple for the most part & would go after a good tall americano on days he needs the kickstart but a grande drip with light cream would be his everyday go-to. during the summers he switches to a cold brew or plain iced coffee with cold foam if he's feeling fancy. he likes to pretend he doesn't like the frilly expensive drinks but every time he & sirius get coffee together, sirius orders him a grande mocha with two extra pumps of mocha and whipped cream on top & he downs it in about eight seconds.

remus is a hozier stan confirmed. remus is a boygenius stan confirmed. he likes poetic lyrics more than anything so sirius puts him on mitski and taylor. i like the idea that his music taste was a little outdated most of his life bc his parents had a huge record collection that they inherited from his grandparents so he just....played music all the time as a lonely little kid looking for things to do. when he was nine the only album he listened to all christmas break was otis redding's the dock of the bay & that made him gravitate toward stuff like leon bridges & amy winehouse as he got older. he learned about spotify four years after everyone else did & still only has two playlists. his parents loved the 90s rock girlies and they listened to a lot of the cranberries and fiona apple CDs around the house, so all those albums are really nostalgic for him now. he puts sirius on jeff buckley & regrets it instantly bc literally all he does now is play remus' grace vinyl full-volume and remus is afraid they're going to get a noise complaint. you can hear it in the stairwell sirius the neighbors are going to get mad please

[wheeboo]

GIRL GET SOME SLEEP !!! bio itself can be a headache u don't need two to bother your pretty head with 😭 !!

it's funny how I'm saying this because i starting history at around 8 am and I don't fucking remember when I finished it ( i just know i did my full reading) and suddenly it's 8:30 and i was awoken ?? like i have no idea when I slept and when I finished 🚶🏻‍♀️ but i remember whatever I studied apparantly 😭

omg non- kpop.. this is a difficult question because i listen to 95% my pookies ☹️ but hmm i think I really like Pink Pantheress , AlmostMonday , Anuv Jain , Shankar Mahadevan , Pritam n maybe some more ! and I LOOOVE vocaloid :3 all tracks from pjsk r my favs ! esp from nightcord n WxS ! ( it's completely fine if u have no idea about the bs u just read )

wbu !! who's ur other favs !!

PS : since when have u been enjoying kpop ! for me it's 2018 when I first heard cherrybomb by 127 on a Disney award show 😆

AJDSLKAS I WILL GET SOME SLEEP I PROMISE 😭😭 (or try to... if my body surrenders istg 😔 you'll prob get used to me complaining abt my sleep problems all the time on my blog lmao) i just want to power thru like 3 more readings and take notes and then i'll call it quits SCREECHES

bye thats so real tho 😭😭 the random falling asleep THAT HAPPENS TO ME SOMETIMES I SWEAR LIKE I DO NOT REMEMBER WHEN I FELL ASLEEP LKDJFSDSF but slay on getting thru your history reading 💪

omg i love pinkpantheress too !! for the rest of those... i unfortunately do not know who they are but hey if you like them then i like them too <3. i kinda used to listen to vocaloid like a long long ass time ago tho ???don't remember what particularly i just remember it was a very Brief era 😭😭

and i have a lot of favs tbh!! but coming from a hella hopeless romantic girly ... i listen to a lot of taylor swift, laufey, wave to earth, beabadoobee, lana del rey, alessia cara, mitski, girl in red, dhruv, niki, grentperez, the neighbourhood, conan gray, umi, faye webster, n more !! <33 but i'm very open to listening to new music n artists all the time !!

DFKLDDSF NOT CHERRY BOMB ON A DISNEY AWARD SHOW ?? but i would say around that time for me too!! prob around 2017-2018ish, but i've heard abt kpop since like 2011 cuz my older sister was a big fan of 2ne1 and girls generation at the time, so i got introduced to it then as like... an 11 year LMAO. my sis had like a poster of girls generation and shinee on her wall and i was like "who is that on your wall :D"

[tonberry-yoda]

okay going into the actual stuff I’m about 5’3 and midsized (a lil chubby), I’m a ENTP and a Gemini with an extremely extroverted personality who would prefer to have someone to keep me in check as I get a lil too chaotic and out there esp if my anger is pushed but also at the same time having someone who is the same would be nice, I’m pretty chill at home and just sit back watching YouTube or playing games, I worry a lot about how I look as I hate having my hair be a mess or be without makeup (I’m very insecure), besides having some anger issues I’m also very sensitive I cry over anything esp when I’m angry. my hobbies include stuff like makeup, clothes, cosplay, drawing, and singing, i usually dress in the subculture of jfashion named kawaii fashion but usually I’m in a open hoodie, shorts and sports bra, What I am seeking in the relationship is a companion and someone to be there for me as I will be for them and be a forever partner I look for someone who is just as obsessed with me as I am with them and I love me a protective partner, my music tastes include mother mother, Doja Cat, Grimes, Metric, Ghost, Lady Gaga, Mitski, The neighborhood and Arctic Monkey..and now finally my love language is touch I LOVE TOUCH SO MUCH I’m so touch starved and I am big on gift giving and words of affirmation

hey hey!!! omg first off i apologize that this took so long! i was getting to matchups last, but they're a good warm up, so this was perfect timing! i'm honestly so glad we started talking on tumblr because you are so so so cool and just a really nice person to talk to when we do. it also made this matchup 100x easier, so without further ado...

the character I chose for you is...

NARCISO ANASUI!!!

he would adore you as much as you adore him

physical touch you say??? say no more, this man will be touching you whenever you are in a radius of 10 ft or less

he LOVES your music

like y'all will just cuddle and listen to music as he hums doja cat in your hair

he will also praise you like no other. this man loves you so much it's not even funny

he'll watch you as you draw or purposely sneak into the kitchen while you're singing just to hear your voice

a little chubby you say?!?!?!?!? THIS MAN WOULD LOVE A BIT OF SQUISH! he will knock that insecurity off of you so flippin fast

he thinks you're beautiful inside and out

when you cry he would be so understanding and wipe your tears with his thumb telling him how much he loves you

would let you do his makeup frfr

and ofc you two would show up in matching fits

he's a bit of a calm man, so he can control and love your more extroverted personality with a soft smile on his face

he will be that forever partner you crave and will love you forever

(i mean have you seen how he looks at jolyne?!??! like come on)

~~~

matchup rules --- pinned post

@tonberry-yoda

[writingmochi]

Hey Lissie! How're you doing today?

So I have been watching Leniverse for a week now & everytime I come across Chaewon I get a nostalgic feeling that that's you XD I have started to associate you with Chaewon so much now that I get surprised thinking 'Omg look writingmochi's dancing to antifragile' 😭 lmao

Also it's been really fun writing your request for the event! Thank you so much for sending it in ♡ I loved the song soo much! I am in love with all of your playlists, first love/late spring was just as soothing. The drabble tho turned out to be a lot more angsty than I thought :p

About Isobel! Everytime I try to reblog sumhow it redirects back to my dash :(( or my tumblr crashes. Dumblr really needs to fix this! Excolited to read it soon! ♡

lissie: hi yerin! sorry for replying late. i just finished my last exam and i’m free from this uni semester, currently heating up my car so i could head home while writing this. how are you btw?! i’ve seen your mental breakdown on beomgyu’s long hair from weverse con lmao

oh thank you! i don’t have a bias between the ssera girls but i just always felt enamored with chaewon. associating me with her felt flattering especially since i also have the shorter style for hair…

mitski do be like that though 🤟 i also wanted to send a req for skz but all the slots have been filled ;”) which playlists have you listened? /g

i wanna shake the personification of tumblr to act up alskaoscb i’m so sorry for that D: i just hope that it wouldn’t affect the other works i’ll be releasing in the future. hope you enjoy it and a small tip: if your tumblr app crashes while reading, you can use the browser to read it instead. it do wonders because i once read a 50k+ nct dream one shot that my app just can’t handle n when reading it in browser form, it flows so well

[earthtoanastasia]

downtown girl - aesthetics 101

Hey everyone, it's Anastasia! Today, I'm starting a new series, aesthetics 101, where I'll be breaking down popular styles and teaching you how to live like the Pinterest girl you've always dreamt of being. 

I thought the perfect aesthetic to start this series with would be the infamous downtown girl since it's been taking over the internet lately.

Think record stores, old libraries, subways, and NYC. Grab a cup of tea and a notepad, and let's begin!

Downtown Girl is an aesthetic that romanticizes living in downtown New York, specifically in autumn. It originated on Pinterest, and later everyone's For You Page. 

The wardrobe is relatively simple to achieve since vintage pieces are really popular in this style. Big sweaters and oversized leather jackets are a must. As well as band graphic tees and tank tops, either flared or baggy jeans (usually low-rised), mini skirts and long flowy skirts. As for shoes, either Converse or Doc Martens. Bonus tip: if you're buying converse shoes, make sure to get the platform ones since they're MUCH more comfortable to walk in and, in my opinion, look better. 

As for accessories, I noticed a lot of tote bags and even messenger bags while doing research. And most importantly, headphones. Either wired or the chunky kind. Funny story, I stopped using my 80$ AirPods a few weeks ago and switched them with my old, wired ones, just because they look aesthetic. I also bought JBL headphones, which, to be completely honest, look kind of bad on my head. But yeah, I just love the impact Pinterest has on me :)

Now you know how to dress like a downtown girl. But how do you live like one? I spent my entire afternoon researching and here's what I learned.

Go buy some records, even if you have nowhere to play them. Read everywhere! On the bus, at a cafe, in the park. It's up to you, just don't forget to take a picture! Learn how to play the guitar, or maybe go thrifting. Visit your local farmer's market and buy some fresh produce or start journaling (it's really fun actually). Also, start documenting your life on your parents' small, old camera!

But who am I, telling you to read, and not giving you any recommendations? Here's a list of books that I think downtown girls would read:

A Little Life by Hanya Yanagihara 

Looking for Alaska by John Green

The Secret History by Donna Tartt   

Acts of Desperation by Megan Nolan              

They both die at the end by Adam Silvera                

The midnight library by Matt Haig        

Aristotle and Dante discover the secrets of the universe  by B.A. Sáenz                                                                                                                         

I also think they would go to garage sales or free libraries and pick up any book that seemed interesting, without caring about reviews and stuff like that.

Not everyone likes reading, so I'll include some movies/tv shows too:

Gossip Girl (tv show)  

Gilmore Girls (tv show)       

Notting Hill (movie)     

(500) Days of Summer (movie)        

Enola Holmes (movie)           

Lady Bird (movie)        

Dead Poet Society (movie)                     

Pride and Prejudice (2005) (movie)    

Matilda (movie)                                                                                              

Finally, music. Any downtown girl's favorite aspect of life. Some artists I think they'd listen to are:

Lana Del Rey

Radiohead

The Smiths

Mitski

Weezer

Nirvana

The Cure                                                                                                       

This was a long one, so if you've made it to here, thank you! Let me know what other aesthetics you'd want to see me go into next!

Also, I post more fashion, lifestyle, and pop culture related articles on my blog, so follow me if you're interested!

-xoxo, anastasia

[creepy-spooghetti]

hey if you don't mind could I get a Creepypasta matchup?

I'm Transmasc

I'm bisexual

I often wear a hoodie and jeans.

I am in INFP and Cancer (Zodiac)

I really like drawing but I'm bad at it.

I'm 5'3.

I'm really shy, but if I am comfortable with you I can be loud and chaotic.

I'm really kind and love helping people!

I love jokes and tell them a lot

I laugh easily I like animals and being around them (including bugs!)

I also like reading from time to time.

I get cold easily.

I like watching Spongebob and Regular Show.

I have anxiety and social anxiety.

I have PTSD

I like to play games I prefer Animal Crossing, Pokemon or Rhythm games.

I really like Punk Pop, Pop or Rock music.

My favorite musical artists are, Mitski, Jack Stauber, Twenty-one Pilots, Hollywood Undead, Cavetown and Green Day

I listen to Lofi music to calm down

Also, can I be called Frost Anon?

You sure can, Frost Anon :D

I match you with...

Jeff!

Jeff, at first, wasn't very interested in you. You were cute and all, but that kinda attitude never really drew him in.

That was until he came back from a mission one day with an injured arm, and since Jack wasn't there to assist him, he had to try to doctor and wrap it himself. You noticed his obvious struggling and stepped over to offer your help, and a little startled, he allowed you to take the reigns.

He couldn't figure out why you would go out of your way to do this for him, when you probably had plenty of other - more important - things to tend to. When you were finished, he blinked down at you, muttered a hesitant, "uhh...thanks", and you gave a meek grin in response.

He kind of started seeing you differently after that event, and he couldn't quite decipher why.

All he knew was that suddenly, he noticed your presence whenever you walked into the room, he'd listen to what you were saying at all times, and he even began to snort at the little jokes you told, even if some of them were cheesy. He did this quietly, of course, but you didn't fail to note it.

And one day, he saw you giving his good boy Smile the affection he deserves, and his heart melted. That was when he realized that he definitely might have had a teensy eensy crush on you.

This 'crush' only evolved as time progressed, and he decided maybe it would be worth his time to get to know you, so that's exactly what he did.

A bit abrasively, sure, but what more can you expect from Jeff?

The moment you first giggled at a snarky, off-handed comment he made about one of the other residents was the moment he felt a new kind of accomplishment.

He adored how you sounded when you laughed - especially because of him - so he made a viable effort to get that reaction out of you whenever he had a chance. It made his pride swell every time he succeeded.

He didn't bother using small talk to get closer to you, nor did he use typical flirting tactics - he simply acted like himself (perhaps dialed back a bit so you wouldn't be overwhelmed), as Jeff is capable of being no other way. Thankfully, this worked in his favor.

Liu convinced him that you were receptive to his, uh...advances? And told him to just go for it, as the worst thing that could happen was rejection.

He begrudgingly took his advice and sorta just blurted out a confession while the two of you were in the middle of watching TV.

"Yeah, uh, by the way, I like you a lot I think."

It was a bit startling but you were flattered nonetheless.

As a boyfriend, Jeff is surprisingly mature. He isn't needy or possessive, and he rarely gets jealous to a concerning extent, unless you just intentionally throw yourself at another attractive individual.

It's often overshadowed by his tendency to be brash and easily annoyed, but when his walls are down, he can be rather sweet, and you and his brother are really the only ones that have access to this hidden side of him.

When a chill sweeps your body, he will not hesitate to wrap you in a blanket burrito and then proceed to take a picture of you, where he'll then make it his screen saver. And he'll swaddle you tightly too - like, you have to fight to escape the blanket's grasp, and he'll either sit there and watch in amusement or leave you alone to your own devices.

Honestly, he was a very big Spongebob fan when he was a kid, so he will eagerly flop down onto the couch next to you when it turns on, singing along to the intro in the dumbest pirate voice he can muster.

Despite his normally light-spirited personality, he can get serious when the moment calls for it. When you get anxious, have a panic attack, get flashbacks, or have a nightmare, he is there to help in whatever way he possibly can.

He's not an expert by any means at comforting people, but he will do his absolute best to talk you down, keep his tone soft, reassure you that everything's okay, and offer physical contact when it's needed. He doesn't like seeing you genuinely upset, over anything, so puts an extra amount of effort into making sure you're alright.

He was never really into video games, but you got him hooked on Animal Crossing, and now he can legit spend hours playing it at a single time.

Like you try to drag him away and he's just like, "yeah yeah, in a minute" and will be there for another three hours if you let him.

It isn't his fault the game's so freaking addictive!

If you ever happen to fall asleep with him, beware. This man is a snorer.

He claims he isn't, of course, but that doesn't magically make it true.

I also hope you like being scared outta your wits from time to time because Jeff will certainly deliver on that.

[imwithstupid7]

hi hello hey 🫶🏻! i was wondering if i. ould get a ship pretty please 🤭🙏🏻

spanish is my first langaige! and i was born in mexico too. first when you meet me i am very respectful and i try to show personal interest but once i really do start feeling comfortable around someone i start to make jokes and treat them like family. i say i have a pretty loud personaloty and im very mich an extrovert. i have a LOUD ASS laugh and im the type of person who giggles for everything. i like when people trust me and tell me whats wrong but i never force them to tell me. i am sensetive and emotional but i have pretty tough skin so i can hide it well. but i cry very often alone. i get attacted easly so when someone leaves me all the sudden and has no reasoning and i kinda just like "whyd u leave😕?" and also like if my friend gave me a pillow or a piece of jewlery, i always eother have it on me or i keep it all in a safe box and i try to keep it forever. i struggle with mental health a lot but i know how to keep myself together so other people dont see me struggle. and im not the type to tell people i am struggling so it takes a while for someone to notice. my love langauge is touch and words of affirmation. i babysit so o have no problem with taking care of either older people or toddlers. i am a day dreamer and i often stare into space (also if u couldnt tell i talk way too much for my own good lol)

i am 5'1 with pale skin, kinda longish brown hair i usually style into a 90s blowout style of hair. (but naturally my hair is wavy and puffy 🥲) and bangs. my eyes are a green hazel color, that are pretty big and roumd and i have full downward lips. my makeup is fairly simple. i have long eyelashes i put mascara over, some mascara, and red lipgloss!!! im not THAT thin but i am not huge either. put i do have thicker thighs and calfs. my style is very elena gilbert and i like wearing bows in my hair, and those like plain color headbangs? those flat ones idk how to explain. i wear concerse too. (ik ik basic). i wear gold hoop earrings and i really like wearing hello kitty necklaces.i listen to WAYYY too much music. i listen to TV girl, kali uchis, surf curse, mitski, bad bunny, SADE, sam smith, rihanna, micheal jackson, the marias, joey badass, kevin kaarl, SELENA QUINTANILLA. 2pac, tears for fears, the smiths,joan sebastain.

TOTALLY JOHNNY OMG