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4dkellysworld · 2 days
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Lester Levenson's self-realisation story
This is the more detailed version of Lester Levenson's story of releasing thoughts & feelings to self-realization that should have been in his autobiography (you can read the more condensed version from the book here). It is a much more detailed account of Lester's process and journey to self-realization in the three months, a very short version was included in this post on why clear the subconscious mind to realise Self.
Reading this was enlightening to me - perhaps it will spark some resonance in you for your own path and practice :)
(I didn't include the parts before this excerpt where he just started self-inquiry after his health issue, the excerpt below starts from when things really progressed for Lester)
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In the morning, he woke very early feeling rested and refreshed. His first thought was, "Well, then, what is happiness?" He laughed at his tenacity as he rolled out of bed and into the shower. Preparing breakfast, his thoughts continued to explore the question which dominated his mind. Well, then, what is happiness? What is the common denominator in all these moments? There was Sy, there was Milton, then June, and his Nettie... What was the common denominator? Somehow he knew it was tied up with love, but he could not, at first, see how. When it finally came, it was so simple and pure and complete an answer that he wondered why he had never seen it before.
"Happiness is when I am loving!" He realized that in every instance, his feeling of love for the other person had been intense and that's where the happiness had come from, from his own feeling of loving. It was so clear to him now that being loved was not the answer. He could see that even if people loved him, unless he felt love in return, he was not going to be happy. Their loving might make them happy, but it would not, could not, make him happy. It was a new and mind-boggling concept and even though he instinctively knew that it was correct, his old scientific training didn't allow him to accept it without testing. So he looked into his past, remembering those times in his life when he had been loving and happy, and he recognized that at those times, the other person had not necessarily been loving him.
He looked at the other side too, the unhappy times and now that he knew what to look for, it was very obvious that he had not been loving. Oh, he'd thought at the time that he loved them, as with Nettie and June. He loved them, needed them, wanted them. But was that love, he wondered now? No, it was painful... he was experiencing pain that they didn't love him. And even though he called it love, he was really wanting to possess them completely, thinking he needed all their love to be happy.
That was the key! He had been experiencing a want or lack of love, expecting the other person to supply the love, waiting for the other person to make him happy. He had to laugh, it seemed so ludicrous. To think that someone else could make him happy seemed like the funniest thing in the world. He knew, better than anyone that no one could ever make him anything. He'd always been very proud and stubborn and self-sufficient, sure that he never needed anyone or anything. "What a joke!" He thought. The truth is that he'd been all the time dying inside for want of love, thinking he had to get it from someone. Tears rolled down his cheeks as he laughed and laughed at the realization that what he'd been looking for all his life was inside him. He had been like the absent-minded professor looking everywhere for his glasses which were on top of his head all the time.
"What a shame," he thought, wiping away the tears. "What a shame that I never saw this before. All that time, all those years wasted; what a shame." "But wait a minute!" he thought. "If happiness is when I'm experiencing love for the other one, then that means happiness is a feeling within me. "And if I felt unloving in the past? Well, I know I can't change the past, but could I possibly correct the feeling now inside myself`? Could I change the feeling to love now?"
He decided to try it. He looked at his most recent unhappiness, the day he left the hospital. "First," he asked himself, "was I experiencing a lack of love that day?" "Yes," he answered aloud. "Nobody gave a damn about me, not the nurses, not the orderlies, not even Dr. Schultz. They did not care. As sick as I was, they threw me out, sent me home to die so they wouldn't have to watch one of their failures. Well, the hell with them. They can all go to hell." He was shocked at the vehemence in his voice. His body trembled with rage and he felt weak. He really hated the doctor. He could feel it burning in his chest. "Oh, boy," he thought, "this sure isn't love."
"Well, can I change it?" he asked. "Is it possible to turn it into love for the doctor?" "Hell, no," he thought, "why should I? What did he ever do to deserve any love?" "That's not the point," he answered himself. "The point is not whether he deserves love. The point is, can you do it? Is it possible to simply change a feeling of hatred into a feeling of love—not for the benefit of the other person but for yourself?"
As the thought crossed his mind, he felt something break loose in his chest. A gentle easing, a sense of dissolving, and the burning sensation was gone. He didn't trust it at first. It seemed too easy, so he pictured again the scene with Dr. Schultz in the hospital. He was surprised to find that it brought only a mild feeling of resentment rather than the previous intense burning hatred. He wondered if he could do it again.
"Let's see," he thought, "what did I just do? Ah, yes. Can I change this feeling of resentment into a feeling of love?" He chuckled as he felt the resentment dissolve in his chest. Then it was totally gone and he was happy. He thought of Dr. Schultz again, pictured him in his mind and felt happy, even loving. He saw now, reliving that last meeting, how the doctor had hated to tell him the things he had to say. He could feel the doctor's pain at having to tell a young man in the prime of his life that his life was over. "Doctor Schultz, you son-of-a-gun," he said, grinning, "I love you."
"Well, it worked on that one," he thought. "If my theory is sound, then it should work on everything." Eagerly, he began trying it on other moments, and the results were consistently the same, each time that he asked himself if he could change the feeling of hostility or anger or hatred to one of love, the dissolving process took place. Sometimes he had to repeat it over and over until he felt only Love for the person.
At times, the entire process would take only a minute or two; at other times, it might take him hours of working on a particular person or event before his feelings were only loving, but he would doggedly stay with it until it was completed on each person and each incident.
His entire life came up for review in bits and pieces. One by one, he changed to Love all the old hurts and disappointments. He began to feel stronger as the weight of his pain dropped away. He was happier than he had ever been in his entire life, and he kept it going, feeling even more happiness with each new thing corrected. He stopped going to bed because he had so much energy that he couldn't lie down. When he felt tired, he would doze in his chair and awaken an hour or so later to start in again. There was so much to be corrected in his life that he didn't want to stop until he had looked under every stone and around every corner.
Another thing that intrigued him was the question of how far he could take this. As he corrected each thing, he became happier, he could feel it; but he wondered how far he could go. Was there a limit to happiness? So far, he hadn't found any boundaries to it and the possibilities were staggering. So he kept on, around the clock.
His strength was returning, but not wanting to be distracted, he avoided getting involved in social activities and would sometimes even pass up the Sunday get-together with his family. He did his food shopping in the middle of the night, around two or three in the morning. There were very few people up and about at that hour, and he enjoyed the quiet of the city. He went on correcting his life, even while doing the necessaries. And he noticed that when someone in a store or on the street would annoy him, he was able to correct that response with Love either immediately or shortly thereafter. This pleased him, and he found himself loving others with intensity far beyond anything he had imagined possible. As he described it many years later, "When I mixed with people, and again and again when they would do things that I didn't like and within me was a feeling of non-Love, I would immediately change that attitude to one of loving them even though they were opposing me. Eventually I got to a point where, no matter how much I was being opposed, I could maintain a feeling of Love for them."
He continued to correct his life with consistent results for about a month until one day he got stumped. He was working on the last time he had seen Nettie, the day she chose someone else. He had already corrected a lot of the pain with regard to her; she had come to his mind again and again, and it had not always been easy. In fact, it had been very difficult at first to work on that old relationship but gradually as he gained strength, he had been able to confront some of those long-buried feelings and correct them.
But on this particular day, no matter how hard he tried to correct it with Love, there was still a feeling of despair which he could not dislodge. He wanted to escape, to get out of his chair and run, to get something to eat, to do anything that would get him away from his intense feeling. Instead, he decided to sit there until he handled it.
Something told him that if he let that feeling push him around, if he lost that battle, he would have lost the war. He stayed in his chair, determined to ride it out. He probed, "What's wrong here? Why isn't it dissolving? Nettie, oh, my Nettie." He began to cry now, tears streaming down his cheeks, all the pain he had locked up on the day they parted came now in a flood. "Why did you do it, Nettie?" he cried aloud. "Why did you do it? Why did you leave me, my darling? We could have been so happy, we'd have married and been so happy."
"Damn," he thought, "why do people do things like that? They throw their happiness away and everyone else's, too. They have no right to do that. They shouldn't be allowed to do that. There should be some way of making them change; some way of changing the things they do and the effect they have on people."
He felt the old pain of ulcers starting up again in his stomach and realized with certainty that the ulcers had started that last day with Nettie. He'd drunk the beer and thrown up; that had been the beginning. He wished it had been different. More than anything else in this world, he wanted to change what had happened. He wanted to go back and live it over again the other way with Nettie choosing him, with them getting married and being happy forevermore.
"Well, you can't change it, stupid," he shouted at himself, "so you might just as well stop trying to." That jolted him. He saw that he was still trying to change something that had been finished more than twenty years ago. "No, it can't be finished," he cried. "I won't let it be finished." His throat hurt now and he felt like screaming and smashing things. Then, like instant replay, he heard what he'd said, "I won’t let it be finished." That was the source of his anguish; he'd wanted to change it all these years and so he kept it alive inside himself, buried deep, eroding his happiness. "Well, to hell with that," he said, almost flippantly. Suddenly, with that decision, the whole thing was gone. He couldn't believe it. He felt for the hurt, the pain, the despair. It was all gone. He thought of Nettie as he remembered her, so young, so beautiful, and he simply loved her. There was none of the old painful feeling left.
He began to look now in this new direction. He realized that the cause of his ulcers was that he had wanted to change everything, starting with his nearest and dearest and extending out to the rest of the world, including the United States, other countries, government heads, the weather, endings of movies he had seen, the way businesses were run, taxes, the army, the President; there was nothing he could think of that he had not wanted to change in one way or another.
What a revelation! He saw himself subject to and a victim of everything he wanted to change! He began dissolving all that. When he thought of something that caused him pain about a person or situation, he would now either correct it with Love or dissolve wanting to change it. This added a new dimension to his work, and his progress accelerated.
By the time a second month had gone by, it was all he could do sometimes to stay in his chair, he became so energized. And there were times, when he had worked on particularly painful incidents in his life, that he literally could not sit and would go out into the city and walk for miles, reviewing, correcting, dissolving until he had burned off enough energy to sit still again. Sometimes he felt as though he had hold of a chain with many links of incidents on it which needed correcting. Once he got hold of the chain, he would follow through incident by incident until there was nothing left to be corrected. An example of such a chain was jealousy.
He had always been intensely jealous but managed to hide it most of the time under a facade of not caring. Nevertheless, his insides used to burn if the girl he was with so much as looked at someone else, or even mentioned another man. He decided to correct this tendency in himself. He would probe his memory for instances where his jealousy had driven him; correct it; then look for more. When he thought it was cleared out, he tested himself by imagining the girl he loved most making love with the man he would least want her to be with. It was a good test because he could see immediately that there was more work to do. Sometimes the intensity of his feelings would almost drive him mad, but he continued for days until there was no last vestige of jealousy left in him. When he could finally enjoy their enjoyment of each other, he knew he was finished with jealousy.
Insights came with increasing frequency. He would often gain a sudden, complete understanding of something which had always puzzled him. Philosophies he had studied became clear, and he could see that they had often started off on the right track, only to veer off into distortions, having been diverted by an incorrect idea springing from the author's own storehouse of uncorrected feelings. His mind began to feel like crystal, clear and sharp. "Colors seemed brighter and everything was more sharply defined" says Lester.
"Above all, I saw that I was responsible for everything that had happened to me, formerly thinking that the world was abusing me! And I saw that my tremendous effort to make money and then losing it was due only to my thinking; that I had been always seeking happiness, and thought that making money would do it. So whenever the business started to make money, and the money did not bring me the happiness I wanted, I began to lose interest and the thing collapsed. I had always blamed it on other people and circumstances, not realizing that it was simply my subconscious knowledge that this is not happiness which caused me to lose interest and that, in turn, caused the business to collapse."
"This was a tremendous piece of freedom, to think that I am not a victim of this world, that it lies within my power to arrange the world the way I want it to be; rather than be an effect of it. I can now be in control of it and arrange it the way I would like it to be. That was a tremendous realization, a tremendous feeling of Freedom."
"Discovering that my happiness equated to my loving, and that my thinking was the cause of things happening to me in my life gave me more and more freedom; freedom from the subconscious compulsions that I had to work, I had to make money, I had to have girlfriends. Freedom in the feeling that I was now able to determine my destiny, I was now able to control my world, lightened my internal burden so strongly that I felt there was no need for me to have to do anything.
"Plus, this happiness was so great. It was a new experience for me. I was experiencing a joy that I never knew existed, never dreamed could be. So I decided, "This is so great, I'm not going to stop until I carry it all the way." I had no idea how far it could go. I had no idea how joyous a person could be. But I was determined to find out."
During the third month, things went even faster. There was a depth to Lester’s feelings that threatened to bowl him over at times. His knees sometimes buckled, but he stayed with each feeling until it was corrected. He was becoming happier and happier, still looking to see if there were any limits to what he could accomplish with this new process.
"How much further can I go?" Lester would ask himself, then push it even further. It was also during the third month that he ran into an old adversary, one he had seen out of the corner of his eye again and again throughout his life. It had lurked nearby, always on the periphery and he had never before been willing to meet it head on. It was the fear of death.
Now he recognized it as the basis of every single feeling he had ever had. He began to coax it out into the open, wanting to take a good look at the biggest foe of all, which had so very nearly won the battle only a few months ago. He began to lure those feelings into the open and to dissolve them. And it worked!
He got to the place where, with great confidence, he laughed and laughed and laughed at this foe which had kept a fire lit under him his entire life so that there had not been one moment of real peace, ever. This last of the monsters turned out to be, after all, only a feeling. As he dissolved the fear of death, he realized one day that his body was sound, healed. The physical impairment was corrected. He couldn't explain to anyone how he knew; he just knew it as surely as he knew who he was. His body was sound.
At the end of the third month, he had slipped into a blissful, joyous state, which he could only describe as feeling like a million orgasms surging all at once through his entire body. It went on and on and he realized that this feeling, although not sexual, was what he was always been looking for but never found in sex. He felt light, living for weeks with joy exploding inside him every moment. Everyone and everything became exquisitely beautiful to him. He kept looking for more things to correct, but there didn't seem to be much. Occasionally something would occur to him, but it would be gone almost before he could define it and the joy would surge through him even more strongly.
After several weeks, he began to wonder if there could be anything better beyond this joy. He was sitting in his chair in the usual position, slumped down, legs stretched out, chin touching his chest. He had an idle thought without expecting an answer, but the answer came.
What was beyond this incredible joyous state that didn't stop? He saw that it was peace, imperturbability and he realized with certainty that if he accepted it, if he decided to move into that peace, it would never, ever go away. And he went—slipped into it so effortlessly – with just a decision to have it. He was there.
Everything was still. He was in a quietness that he now knew had always been there but drowned out by incessant noise from his accumulated, uncorrected past. In fact, it was more than quiet; it was so far beyond anything imaginable that there were no words to describe the delectable deliciousness of the tranquility.
His earlier question about happiness was answered too. There were no limits to happiness, but when you have it all, every minute, it gets tiresome. Then this peace is just beyond and all you have to do is step over the line into it. "Is there anything beyond even this?" he wondered. But as he asked, he knew the answer.
This peace was eternal and forever and it was the essence of every living thing. There was only one Beingness and everything was It. Every person was It, but they were without awareness of the fact, blinded by the uncorrected past they hold on to.
He saw this Beingness as something like a comb. He was at the spine of the comb and all the teeth fanned out from it, each one thinking it was separate and different from all the other teeth. And that was true, but only if you looked at it from the tooth end of the comb. Once you got back to the spine or source, you could see that it wasn’t true. It was all one comb. There was no real separation, except when you sat at the tooth end. It was all in one’s point of view.
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[read along with this]
DAVE: ..................... [𝓈𝒾𝓃𝑔𝓁𝑒 𝒻𝓁𝓊𝓉𝑒 𝓃𝑜𝓉𝑒]
ROSE: On the horizon of this forest path, you see a group of dark cloaked figures slowly trudging toward you. What do you do?
JOHN: my half-orc barbarian braces her greathammer and-- that's a one.
ROSE: Critical fail. Jade, what do you do?
JADE: well!! i believe in anticipation my rogue would try and hide behind a tree-- ok i rolled a one :(
ROSE: That's another... critical fail. Dave, what does your human bard do?
DAVE: [𝓉𝒽𝓇𝑒𝑒 𝒻𝓁𝓊𝓉𝑒 𝓃𝑜𝓉𝑒𝓈] active perception check
ROSE: ...That's a natural twenty.
DAVE: lets fuckin go [𝒮𝐼𝒞𝒦 𝐹𝐿𝒰𝒯𝐸 𝑅𝐼𝐹𝐹]
DAVE: i feel it in my fingers ⁽ˢⁿᵃᵖ⁾ i feel it in my toes ⁽ᶠˡᵘᵗᵉ⁾ these motherfuckers mean to harm us...........and theyve got to go
𝐒𝐎 𝐂𝐌𝐎𝐍 𝐆𝐄𝐓 𝐄𝐌 𝐍𝐎𝐖
you picked the wrong day. to fuck around with my
TIGHT CREW ⁽ᵒʰ ᵒʰ⁾
theres no escaping it (i can perceive you) heres what were gonna do [𝒶𝓃𝑜𝓉𝒽𝑒𝓇 𝓈𝒾𝒸𝓀 𝒻𝓁𝓊𝓉𝑒 𝓇𝒾𝒻𝒻]
ME AND MY BOYS ARE GONNA MESS YOU UP
JOHN: i rolled a one.
JADE: i rolled a one :(
DAVE:
FUCK
my boys are otherwise engaged. so im gonna bring it ALL MYSELF
hhey i forgot youre supposed to tell me what i see right
ROSE: Yes, thank you. Let's just slow it all down a bit. So, you notice that one of the hooded figures is a little shorter--
DAVE: 𝐢 𝐜𝐚𝐬𝐭 𝐯𝐢𝐜𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬 𝐦𝐨𝐜𝐤𝐞𝐫𝐲 𝐧𝐚𝐭 𝐭𝐰𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐲 𝐥𝐞𝐭𝐬 𝐠𝐨
YOURE A SHORT MOTHERFUCKER AND NOBODY LIKES YOU
[𝓈𝒾𝒸𝓀 𝒻𝓁𝓊𝓉𝑒]
SHORT
everybody says "look how fuckin short that guy is" and it stops you from forming 𝓶𝓮𝓪𝓷𝓲𝓷𝓰𝓯𝓾𝓵 𝓻𝓮𝓵𝓪𝓽𝓲𝓸𝓷𝓼𝓱𝓲𝓹𝓼
when you were born everybody thought that you were just a head but THEN THE DOCTOR SAID "WAIT. this 𝐬𝐭𝐮𝐩𝐢𝐝 𝚖𝚘𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚏𝚞𝚌𝚔𝚒𝚗 tiny ꜱʜᴏʀᴛ ᴀꜱꜱ ʙᴀʙʏ got a tiny little ɪᴛᴛʏ ʙɪᴛᴛʏ ʙᴏᴅʏ and i 𝐇𝐀𝐓𝐄 it"
ROSE: Your attack lands and absolutely SHATTERS the mind of the cloaked figure; perception check, please?
DAVE: nat twenty lets go
ROSE: You perceive the figure was so short because it was a CH--
DAVE: --ild. its always a kid
ROSE: Specifically the child you've been looking for for the last fifteen days game time and five days of our actual lives.
DAVE: ok im sorry i didnt know ill be better. ᵘᵍᵍʰʰfuck his bodys just lying there right
ROSE: ...
DAVE: right
ROSE: ...Yes... ...!! Don't--
DAVE:
LOOT THAT BODY
gotta 𝓛𝓞𝓞𝓣 𝓣𝓗𝓐𝓣 𝓑𝓞𝓓𝓨 𝓝𝓞𝓦
LOOT THAT BODY
gotta loot that motha𝐅𝐔𝐂𝐊ᴬᴬᴬ !!! playin my flute when i 𝙻𝙾𝙾𝚃 ᴛʜᴀᴛ 𝔻𝔼𝔸𝔻 𝕂𝕀𝔻𝕊 𝓑𝓞𝓓𝓐𝓐𝓐𝓨
[𝓕𝓛𝓤𝓣𝓔 𝓜𝓞𝓜𝓔𝓝𝓣]
BITCH
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toytulini · 3 months
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Disclaimer im just processing some thoughts im not cancelling the show
have almost thoughts about how i find the like....narrative on here that if you have chronic "zebra" conditions youd want a doctor like House and wouldnt sue for malpractice bc at least youd have a doctor that cares about whats wrong with you but lets take it one step further. so often he does NOT give a shit about the patient and actively endangers them frequently with his god damn heoric era of medicine approach? non zero amount of times he gets a diagnosis but it comes too late, or he gets a diagnosis after their first wrong 3 guesses of the episode shut down the patients kidneys and they either have to get a transplant or they are just, doomed due to other preexisting conditions etc? idk. i know ppl are almost certainly exaggerating and just letting off steam about the very real failures of our current medical systems and the ableism baked in and All That Shit. i just think its weird how ppl romanticize House who STILL, FREQUENTLY, MULTIPLE EPISODES will actively dismiss shit in the exact way that is a problem in our current system, especially when hes being Forced Against His Will To See Clinic Parients, he loves to be dismissive as fuck of symptoms and if he was a real doctor i think he'd be fucking 50/50 on cases he Notices Something To Dig Into vs cases he dismisses as an Anxious Hysterical Woman Who Wants Attention, the only reason he's Right so frequently in his snap judgements is cos it reinforces the narrative. its like a crime drama that has the mastermind serial killer masterfully using "loopholes" and lawyering up all sneaky and dodging Justice and if only our poor little cop protags were allowed to do A TEENY BIT of Justified Police Brutality, they could Save Lives!
and like sometimes in the show they will have a patient die despite his efforts to narratively punish him. not to mention, i think its been at least mildly brought up and glossed over how much they absolutely do not think about insurance costs for these ppl for the insane amount of tests that find nothing and Wrong Medications To Force A Diagnosis they use? i think it was brought up once in the episode following a day in the life of cuddy where she had to fight a lawsuit bc a guys insurance like didnt cover his thumb being reattached but chase reattached it anyway while in surgery cos it was The Right Thing To Do and the guy didnt have the money to cover it and the insurance wouldnt pay unless he sued the hospital or whatever. thats like the only time its come up. whereas like frequently the doctor I go to for osteopathic manipulation tries to check in with me and make sure im covered by insurance etc and that im not going to go broke or get buried in medical debt seeing her.
idk. just some Thoughts. not a defense of our current system and all the flaws it enables and enforces etc. his approach to medicine is really reminiscent to me of what I know of the Heroic Era Of Medicine which i dont...love? and hes framed on here as being an asshole but would kill for his patients to get them a diagnosis etc. but hes definitely extremely paternalistic to patients ? and despite some good clippable lines about ableism and being against eugenics, it honestly feels like his stance on that is kind of a toss up.
#toy txt post#AGAIN THIS IS NOT A DEFENSE OF OUR CURRENT SYSTEM NOR AM I TRYING TO 'CANCEL' THE SHOW#i am simply processing some Thoughts about it#and wishing better doctors upon all of you when you need them#doctors who Listen To You and who Put In The Effort and The Work to figure out why you feel like shit#who also arent calling you slurs the whole time and throwing random fucking medications at you that destroy your liver or whatever#but give them data. idk. like sometimes in the show it does seem like they need to do that! like the patient is actively dying and the risk#to info ratio is such that it makes sense. other times its like you like definitely couldve done other things to rule shit out but you#needed to fit this whole patient arc into a single episode#not to mention i feel like any doctor who approached shit even close to the way he does would Not have his success rate#no matter how smart the payoff would Not be worth it bc theyd kill more patients. they would not be getting lucky everytime. real life does#not have a plot narrative to fulfill if house treated you he'd just fucking kill you#also one more disclaimer I AM AWARE DR GREGORY HOUSE IS A FICTIONAL MADE UP BLORBO CHARACTER#AND THAT MOST OF THE PPL JOKING ABOUT THIS DO NOT NEED THE REMINDERS OR WARNINGS OR DISCLAIMERS ABOUT HIM ETC ETC#IM SIMPLY THINKING ABOUT HIM AND THIS SHOW AND REAL LIFE#and am only a little bit uncomfortable w the level to which his approach is romanticized on tumblr dot com. but i understand why and like#fair enough#anyway watching house MD is like a sawbones episode displaced in time and Very Worrying#i just have the finale of s7 left and then i will start s8#and i am dreading the aphobia episode. but it cannot be worse than the horrific intersexism and transphobic he's put on display right#right?#i guess its probably not worse in that from what ive seen on tumblr. he is being aphobic to an adult and not a teenager. so#also house is infuriating bc if you remove the doctor bit. i have met this man so many times and i want to kill him ♡#the guy who is just allowed to stampede through life being a total ass with no pushback or accountability and terrorize people#hes a bad employee and a worse boss#okay turning reblogs off on this cos i dont trust ppl. i think i have replies restricting to mutuals too so#that way this doesnt break containment and get misinterpreted
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5sospenguinqueen · 29 days
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He’s Just Ken - Lando Norris x Volleyball! Reader
Summary: Lando tries to tell the Grid that he's dating an Olympic Volleyball player but instead, they publicly accuse him of lying to them.
Warnings: None? Swearing. Fluff.
Requested: Yes by Anon (here)
2024 season, slightly skewed timeline haha
Face claim is Jordan Thompson but also rando pinterest pics used. American Volleyball player to fit in with 'the twist'
F1 Masterlist
━━━━ ༻𖥸༺ ━━━━
landonorris just posted
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liked by ln4, maxfewtrell and others
landonorris non-race weekends mean quality time with my trophy and watching the olympics opening ceremony 
2,004 comments
maxfewtrell don’t objectify me like that. i’m more than just your trophy 
→ landonorris you wish you were my trophy 
teamusa can we count on your support?
→ user1 um, he’s british so no..?
logansargeant looking forward to volleyball
→ landonorris absolutely
→ oscarpiastri it’s just sad now
→ user2 he’s not allowed to enjoy volleyball?
georgrussell63 look, guys, he’s trying to act like a wag 
→ alex_albon okay, moving this to social media is a step too far, mate
→ charles_leclerc c’mon, let him have his delusions. he’s not hurting anyone but himself 
→ landonorris they’re not delusions! 
→ user3 what is this about???
mclaren one of our favourite pictures 
→ oscarpiastri can we get him some mandated therapy?
→ landonorris i’m not mentally unwell! 
ynln_usa just posted
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liked by landonorris, logansargeant and others
ynln_usa and i thought i looked good. let’s hear a little commotion for ms. eiffel 
3,481 comments
teammate1 okay but you do look good. nothing looks better than team pride
→ ynln_usa AMERICAAAAA 🦅🇺🇸
→ user4 i love how unhinged she is
user5 what is lando doing in the likes 
→ user6 logan is also here
→ user7 yes because she’s a usa volleyball player and he’s patriotic af. lando makes no sense  
→ user8 logan follows the usa volleyball insta account
logansargeant good luck 🇺🇸 liked by ynln_usa
→ user9 this interaction has my whole heart. my two favourite (and only) american athletes 
→ user10 yn and logan meet when?
teamusa that’s our girl! 
→ georgerussell63 lando’s imaginary girl
→ oscarpiastri like he could get her, she’s tall and he’s him (this comment thread has been deleted)
landonorris good luck on your first match
→ user11 sit down vroom vroom boy, not going to happen
→ user12 ha, like lando could bag the volleyball goddess. she’s a real athlete 
→ alex_albon the people have spoken
Group chat texts Twitch Boys + 2023 babies 
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ynln_usa just posted
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liked by landonorris, oscarpiastri and others
ynln_usa first match down. my thighs are chafed and my voice all yelled out but i am pumped! 
4,416 comments
logansargeant what a game! looking forward to the rest of the season
→ ynln_usa thanks for the support 
user1 now oscar’s joined the group of drivers following her
→ user2 and charles
→ user3 poor logan can’t gatekeep her anymore
oscarpiastri looks intense 
→ ynln_usa says the extreme driver 
georgerussell63 lads, what’re we thinking
→ alex_albon just further reinforces our point
→ charles_leclerc she looks very cool
→ user4 what are they all doing here
→ user5 why are they all being suspicious
→ user6 nothing better to do on a weekday? 
landonorris i’ve never seen the stars and stripes look so good
→ danielricciardo norizz is back again
→ landonorris don’t you start 
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oscarpiastri just posted
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liked by mclaren, ynln_usa and others
oscarpiastri lando’s dragging us to the olympics to feed into his delusion
2,814 comments
landonorris i’m not lying! 
user7 anyone else notice that all of the drivers in paris at the moment have been focusing on the usa women’s volleyball team?
→ user8 alex and george both posted this match, and their pic included player 12 as well??
→ user9 put some respect on yn ln’s name
danielricciardo where was my invite?
→ carlossainz55 and mine?
→ landonorris neither of you have publicly called me a liar. this isn’t a fun little trip. this is me proving a point! 
→ danielricciardo so it’s a holiday out of spite?
→ charles_leclerc we are having a great time though
alex_albon i’m willing to go along with his delusions if it gets me more free holidays 
→ logansargeant me too
→ georgerussell63 lads, no. we were supposed to be staging on intervention. i made a powerpoint 
landonorris i hate all of you
mclaren bring us back a croissant 
→ oscarpiastri only if you can find me a sane teammate 
→ mclaren deal
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ynln_usa just posted
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liked by charles_leclerc, alex_albon and others
ynln_usa luckily, i look better in silver than gold 
16,812 comments
ynln_usa on a serious note, i am blown away by the immense support i have received this olympic season. a massive thank you to the loml @/landonorris for being at the finals (and bringing along some friends) i could hear you screaming in the stands
→ user10 excuse me!! loml lando norris?? since, uh when
teamusa a silver medal and a hard launch. what a day for our champion
→ ynln_usa help, i’ve been captured by a bunch of men who drive in circles
→ teammate any of them single?
landonorris you look so cute with your medal! my olympic silver medalist, everyone 
user11 i feel like this isn’t reaching enough people because all of the comments are just congratulating her on a silver medal. where are the people freaking out about the pinned comment? 
→ user12 she won a silver freaking medal. that’s more impressive than dating someone below her league 
lilymhe i was on the edge of my seat the whole time! congratulations, girly 🥈 (alex facetimed me the whole time so i could watch the match)
→ ynln_usa you mean, lando didn’t give you a ticket? i’ll tell him off for you
→ landonorris how many times do i have to tell people? i didn’t invite them for a nice trip. i was proving a point! it was a petty trip
→ user13 one hell of a trip 
landonorris @/oscarpiastri @/charles_leclerc @/georgerussell63 @/alex_albon @/logansargeant read the caption, boys 
charles_leclerc amazing match
oscarpiastri what a game! 
logansargeant fuck yeah! USA! 
georgerussell63 i’ve never been so invested in a volleyball match before 
alex_albon well done, team usa
user14 the f1 drivers are being so polite. it’s adorable 
landonorris just posted
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liked by logansargeant, maxfewtrell and others 
landonorris my baby won silver 🩶🪙
3,304 comments
user1 okay but that picture in front of the eiffel tower. slay 
→ oscarpiastri thank you. some of my best work
→ user2 oscar.png when?
→ landonorris it’s only a good pic because he had good models 
→ oscarpiastri *model. she’s barbie, you’re just ken
ynln_usa big wins for us both this year
→ landonorris you’re my biggest win
→ danielricciardo cringe  liked by ynln_usa
→ landonorris stop it. i saw that, sweetheart
carlossainz55 you used to call me baby…
→ ynln_usa do you want him back?
→ landonorris babe, wtf
→ ynln_usa i’m sorry but carlos is my fave driver and i don’t want him to be sad
→ landonorris dumped.
charles_leclerc okay we get it now. we’re sorry we doubted you
→ georgerussell63 yeah. please stop making out in front of us 
→ landonorris vengeance! 
→ ynln_usa have you not learnt that he’s petty yet? he dragged you all to paris just to prove he was dating me
alex_albon her silver medal is far cooler than your miami trophy 
→ landonorris i agree but shouldn’t you be nice to me like the others?
→ alex_albon no. i never outwardly said i didn’t believe you, just that she was out of your league 
→ ynln_usa thank you, alex. it’s amazing what men can do if they make you laugh 
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Bonus
logansargeant just posted
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liked by ynln_usa, lilymhe and others
ynln_usa from toddler terror to olympic silver medalist, you’ve been a pain in my ass since we were kids, and i couldn't be prouder to watch you win big 🇺🇸🍾 tagged: ynln_usa
2,302 comments 
ynln_usa the childhood best friends to professional athletes pipeline is real
landonorris so you knew i was telling the truth the entire time! 
→ logansargeant yeah
→ landonorris why didn’t you tell the others!
→ logansargeant was funny 
oscarpiastri i’m sorry but this reveal is even better than finding out lando was telling the truth about dating yn
→ user3 wait, so all these comments were because they didn’t believe he was dating yn
→ alex_albon would you have until their recent posts?
→ user4 no tbf
charles_leclerc you sly dog! you let us bully him for no reason
→ logansargeant it’s what he gets for just trying to casually slip it into conversation and not introducing her like a gentleman should 
→ landonorris i brought usa volleyball themed cupcakes! 
georgerussell63 this is the best thing i’ve seen all year 
mclaren you’ve caused both our drivers to need a lot of therapy. we’ll send the bill your way 
→ ynln_usa it’s alright, i’ll cover it. i have to deal with them untherapised otherwise
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A/N: So, sorry, Anon. It wasn't until I'd written this up and then realised I'd completely left Max out of it. So sorry but hope you still enjoy!
As always, request open!
2K notes · View notes
schoolhater · 2 months
Text
Help a Gazan Journalist Rebuild His Home!
Siraj Abudayeh @siraj2024 is a father of three who has been fundraising to rebuild his family home for the past month. Here he is introducing himself in his own words:
My name is Siraj. I am 34 years old. I used to work as a journalist before the war, and now I am without a job due to the bombing of the company in which I was working. Before that, I worked as a sports coach, and my interests are swimming and fitness. I studied a bachelor’s degree in journalism and media and finished my master’s degree a year ago. I was seeking to obtain a doctorate, but after… The war situation will not allow anything
Transformed by the war into a new kind of journalist, he makes a difficult journey to find stable WiFi every day, just to log onto this website to provide updates on his life in southern Gaza and ask for help rebuilding his family home, which he went into debt to build over the course of ten years, and which he misses like it was a family member. Recently, he has started writing about the emotional toll of living in a genocide.
Today, he has shared with me a short piece about the passage of time. Here it is in Arabic and English (with minor edits by me).
مر زمان طويل على عائلة سراج وهم في الخيام ذهب الحر وجاء البرد وانقضى ، وعاد الحر من جديد الأجِنة وُلِدت، و الرضع غدوا أطفالًا، و الأطفال كبروا الأغصان الجافة أورقت، و العام الدراسي إنتهى التجاعيد برزت وخطوط الشيب غدت أوضح، و الغائبون في ازدياد لقد جاء أغسطس، و لم تنته الحرب مر زمن طويل، ولا زال الأمل يتجدد في قلوبهم بأن يبنوا بيتهم ويخرجوا من هذه الخيام البائسة. ساعدوهم في بناء منزلهم، من خلال الدعم والمشاركة، فأنتم أملهم الكبير.
For a long time now, Siraj's family has been in tents The heat goes, the cold comes and goes, and the heat has come again Fetuses are born, infants become children, and children have grown up The dry branches turn green, and the school year is over Wrinkles appear, gray lines become clearer, and absent people have increased August has come, and the war is not over A long time has passed, and hope is still renewed in their hearts to build their home and leave these miserable tents. Help them build their home. Through support and participation, you are their great hope.
Since the war began, Siraj has been displaced seven times and survived at least two massacres on adjacent camps. His family lives in a dank, hot tent infested with bugs that he has previously called "a convection oven".
Siraj values his privacy. He has not shared any details or photos of his family. But he has shared something much more valuable to us - the truth about the zionist occupation and its genocide. For this he has received zionist harassment on several of his posts as well.
Gaza is running out of eSims, Israel continues to kill journalists in their attempt at epistemicide, and we are seeing growing efforts to redefine Palestinians as bots on this website, so it's crucial that we all listen to Gazans when they make an effort to talk to us.
I encourage you all to follow Siraj's account, keep up with his daily updates, and donate to his fundraiser to rebuild his home. His next short term goal is $30k CAD and he hopes to reach it by the end of this week.
[Line 219 on Nairuz and Hussein's Vetted Fundraiser List]
$21,363 CAD / $30,000
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@littlestpersimmon @wayneradiotv
1K notes · View notes
dduane · 5 months
Note
Hi Diane!
I promise this will end in an ask, but I have a story to share first, if you have the time.
I’m very new to Tumblr, in fact, I was moved to finally create an account to send you this message, but I’ve been casually poking around for a bit. A quick google last summer told me that Tumblr is the best place to get Good Omens news from Neil himself, but it didn’t do the courtesy of warning me just how magnetic this particular bastion of chaotic creative internet mayhem can be. This story is one example. Fun note, when I was composing this message my husband looked over my shoulder at the literal essay I’d typed out and suggested that I maybe, perhaps, might consider shortening it to the length of a conversation that could take place in an elevator. Or in line at the coffee shop. However, i’m not one sacrifice enormity for brevity.
Your post the other day regarding the cover for your novel, Stealing the Elf King’s Roses, got me thinking. First, that it was a very genuine thing to share, second, that I wasn’t entirely sure why I wasn’t immediately familiar with your work, and third, what a fun visual challenge. I was still thinking about it when I should have been sleeping, so I decided to dig in. I almost stopped reading your bio at the ‘blah blah blah’ because I was feeling quite bad about my media literacy at that point, but then I saw that you’re well-known for the Young Wizard series.
The Young Wizard series.
I said I’d try to keep it brief and this is my best attempt. I read books 1-5 of that series during the hardest, strangest, most heartbreaking time in my childhood when I desperately needed a different reality than my own. What I found in your novels was so much better than that. Your stories, your characters, your vision, helped teach me to ground myself in my strengths, frame my reality with hope and purpose, and how to build the spaces I needed within myself to find the compassion, forgiveness, joy and peace I so desperately needed. One of the things I built within myself on my healing journey was a beautiful jeweled box. It resides in my mind just off of I-335 in Topeka, Kansas. I was driving through the flint hills on a road trip from Milwaukee to Wichita when I finally finished the long process of constructing it, so that is where it stays, shining in the sun and twinkling under the stars. This box contains everything I experienced that couldn’t come with me as I grew. Crafting it was a lengthy, emotional, wrenching process, and it’s the best thing I’ve ever done to allow me to become the person I am today. I used visit it every now and again, to make sure the jewels are still bright, but I’m very careful to not jostle the lid.
I’m recounting all of this to you because two nights ago I quite suddenly found myself standing beside my box for the first time in almost a decade. I could feel the gravel under my slipper socks as I gently opened the lid to see my copies of your books resting at the very top. I wasn’t immediately familiar with your work when I saw your name because it is so inextricable from the very fabric of how healed myself, that I accidentally let your words fall under the closed lid of the very box they helped enable me to make. Nothing else clamored to be released as I carefully pulled them out, and once more closed the lid.
So, the ask. I will be brief here - I’m an artist. Not currently working professionally as I’m exploring a different career path, but I’m usually working on a personal project or two. I needed a new one and was still intrigued by the post that started this all, so to help me process the emotions described above I made a version of a cover for STEKR and wanted to ask if I could share it with you. It looks like I can’t attach here, but I’d love to post it on my new, very empty page. It truly might not be your style, but I once again found solace in a space you opened the door to and this time I have the opportunity to share it!
Also, from the bottom of my heart, thank you.
You're so very welcome! And I'm really glad the books were there for you when you needed them. (And plainly are there with you still.) 😊
And absolutely, post that cover! I'll be delighted to see it.
1K notes · View notes
astonmartingf · 6 months
Text
WISH YOU HELL ; OP81
oscar piastri x mclaren driver!reader
. . . calm and collected oscar? wrong! it's like hamilton and alonso all over again with more awkward silence and banter instead of attempted murder
next: his car isn't yours
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oscarpiastri
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liked by landonorris, mclaren, and 983,048 others
oscarpiastri i'll miss you landonorris please don't forget about me, thank you for making my first season memorable 🧡
view 453,021 comments...
user1 we only got one season with them 🥹
user2 i'm happy for lando but i miss him with Oscar already
user3 landoscar you were bigger than the whole sky
landonorris we'll see each other on track mate, don't miss me too much 😘
oscarpiastri i will miss you
maxverstappen1 he's mine now
oscarpiastri okay shut up braggart 🙄
landonorris i'll just go with yourusername instead
yourusername why am i mentioned? congratulations lando!!!!
oscarpiastri why are you here? you can't resist searching for me 😉
yourusername 🤓☝️ actually lando mentioned me, clearly he like me more than you
oscarpiastri he may like you, but he liked me first
landonorris okay knock it off
maxverstappen1 you guys are acting like children
landonorris technically they are children
carlossainz55 and you're not lando?
landonorris why am i catching strays? this post is about me?
user4 i'm still shocked... i thought we would have more seasons with them together
user5 congratulations to lando, and oscar as well as yn 🫶
user6 it hasn't been 24 hours and they're getting emotional already
user7 all i know is the oscaryn dynamic will be bomb
user8 bomb as in they'll both explode each other
user9 HAHAHAHAHAHA you might be on to smth actually
user10 two more months before the season begins i'm going insane
user11 the oscar yn tea is piping hot i wonder what oscar thinks
user12 to be a fly when lando, oscar, and yn saw each other in MTC
landonorris storytime...
yourusername shut up lando
oscarpiastri bad idea man
user13 the only time they agree with each other...
user14 what did they do in mtc?!????!?!? landonorris you better tell us
landonorris 🤐
yourusername we're contractually not allowed to say anything
user15 wow, i actually can't wait for this season to start, the pinnacle of motorsport and the drivers are acting like 15 year olds
user16 if you think about it... oscar and yn are 15
user17 FOUL!!!!!
yourusername
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liked by logansargent, landonorris, and 459,235 others
yourusername bye lando, hello me
view 109,743 comments...
user18 OMGHOSH I'M ACTUALLY 😭😭😭
user19 CONGRATULATIONS!!!!! 🎉🥳👏
mclaren welcome to the team 🧡
yourusername i won't let you down, let's get these podiums 🧡
user20 I'M SUCH A PROUD MOTHER 👏👏👏 YN SLAY THESE MEN DOWN
user21 baby is in her drram team omhjmh i'm cryingt
user22 congratulations yn 🧡🧡🧡
user23 using lando as a meme like that... pr moves
user24 wow, she's so ungrateful
landonorris you actually posted the meme!!! i'm so proud of you 🧡
yourusername thank you so much for all your support lan, it's a shame we couldn't race together
landonorris you can always look at the rear of my car
yourusername HA HA HA, watch as i overtake you
landonorris i'll be waiting for you
oscarpiastri congratulations yn 👏
yourusername who paid you to post this
[comment has been deleted]
yourusername thank you oscar. let's have a good season together 🧡
user25 help they're so awkward
user26 i'm actually laughing 😭😭😭
user27 this might be the most excited i've been for a season
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amgf it's still me just in a different account, hello guys <3
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exploding-car-hammer · 7 months
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now that i've spammed and am for sure getting fucking banned, i will talk about Matt and why what he did is fucking disgusting and horrendous
many transgender individuals have had safe for work selfies and other pictures of themselves taken down or flagged on account of being nsfw. this is blatant transphobia due to multiple reasons
1. tagging something related to transgender individuals as nsfw when it is clearly sfw helps to perpetuate the bigoted myth that being transgender is a fetish or kink
2. by censoring our existence you are actively preventing us from even trying to defend ourselves from bigotry or attempting to correct stereotypes or harmful misinformation
recently the incidents have crossed the boundary even farther than usual with the banning of predstrogen. she had the thing described above happen to her because it had been mass reported by terfs and other transphobic individuals. after having the photo taken down she made a joke about wishing the ceo of tumblr @photomatt (im for some reason not allowed to tag him anymore) wash in a car crash involving explosions and hammers. he took this joke seriously and decided to do 2 things
1. ban her because he couldn't take a joke amd he couldn't handle having his transphobia called out
2. threatened to call the fbi on her because he couldn't take a joke and couldn't handle being called out
now i don't know if you know this but organizations like the fbi don't particularly have a great history with minorities. so calling them is basically equivalent to Matt walking up to her and shooting her in the face. if the fbi was called it wouldn't be a raid or a peaceful capture, it would be an execution.
and now we move on to what is currently happening. multiple users have been banned for joking about the situation or discussing it and he's attempting to hide evidence of his actions while also lying about what happened. his defensive statements only make him look worse because of his lies and other reasons such as referring to pred as "it" (according to her bio pred uses she/him). this is extreme transphobia and it needs to be pointed out, called out, and discussed. if these things happen we could hopefully see Matt pay for his actions (there's a legitimate legal case against him btw just pointing that out).
anyways im going to be posting this to my cohost and tranfem social accounts because im probably getting banned and i would like what i said here to be preserved.
don't be quiet.
your voice is important in this situation
910 notes · View notes
fridayiminlovemp3 · 1 year
Text
“so girl math is when you preload ur starbucks app so then all the drinks are free!” “hey girlies! so today i’m gonna explain the war on drugs for the girls✨ basically nixon is like regina george and” “when you have a boyfriend so now you’re a passenger princess in your own car lolll” “for my girl dinner im going to have 3 crackers a rice cake and a handful of almonds” “omg i just found the perfect push up bra for my neurospicy girlies” “i just returned these leggings and i got money into my account! so i’m using girl math to trick myself into thinking i made money!” “day in my life as a stay at home girlfriend i wake up at 5 am and make jakey boo his breakfast, he’s super upsety rn so i’m gonna make him a mickey mouse pancake” “i miss the days when women weren’t allowed to go to school😭😭 math is sooo hard i wish i didn’t have rights” “i just found the perfect lazy girl job for all of my girlies who don’t wanna work and just want to wear cute outfits and shop online in the office” “hi guys so here’s my 200 dollar y2k bimbo barbie core shein haul” “so this is my super cute subway shirt!! i wear a big shirt so that i don’t look like a slut on the train and get assaulted! because everyone knows that you only get raped if you’re wearing a short dress” “hi watertok! today i’m gonna be making my zero calorie shirley temple water recipe” “what i made my 5 kids for breakfast as a single 23 year old boy mom” “i dropped out of grade 11 because my boyfriend broke up with me and i wanted to get back at him by ruining my life” “hi girlies here’s the perfect shirt to wear at the bar if you want men to buy free drinks for you! don’t worry these drinks are actually free and they expect nothing back from you in return!!” “hi guys so i’m gonna be selling my pink car and buying a black one instead because if you have a girly looking car people are gonna know your a girl and you’re gonna get sex trafficked” “i’m just a 29 year old teenage girl!” “yeah my boyfriend doesn’t know how to wash dishes but at least i have a man🤣🤣 i’d rather die then be single!!!! i’m so happy i get to raise my boyfriend like he’s my son” “when your parents are mad at you for hitting a lamp post and ruining your car but you’re literally just a girl!” “here’s 5 simple trips to attract a high value man” “why i spend 10k on preventive botox as a 21 year old! story time!”
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sneakerdoodle · 2 months
Text
‼️ new fundraiser spotlight‼️
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i wanted to make a separate post calling attention to @abdalhadiaburas 's campaign, which has been set up with the intention to help his family survive displacement & rebuild their lives after they'd lost their source of livelihood
before the escalation of the genocidal war on October 7th, Abd worked as a lawyer, with his own advocacy bureau set up in a commercial building in Gaza City. his instagram is full of pictures of him at work, traveling, or enjoying a peaceful time at shopping malls and restaurants in Gaza, and of his young family members. on his gofundme campaign page, however, you can find photographic evidence of his family's current life in displacement.
so far, Abd's campaign has received $633 CAD out of $60,000 CAD goal.
❗Abd's campaign has not, as of yet, received verification, but he was kind and patient enough to talk to me in private both on tumblr & instagram, allowing me to confirm that the same person was running the tumblr blog/campaign and the instagram account.
as i am not an Arabic speaker or part of the Palestinian diaspora, i am not qualified to conduct any further checks. you are welcome to practice your discretion until (hopefully) more endorsement comes along; however, if you trust the process laid out here enough, please enagage, follow Abd's blog and donate!
i'm going to be tagging some of the people who reblogged the summary of my first interaction with Abd, now that new proof has been added to it:
@beedok @dark-hour-shenanigans @killjoycatlady @just-browsing1222 @silly-seer @07170 @orbees @turnipchamber @katealot @pronouncingitwang @hananono @ferretly @pegglefan69 @ontheboundverse2 @bellincurl @vie-0nl1n3 @kixflip (thank you all!!)
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ffsg0jo · 4 months
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tw: hurt/no comfort , chapter 261 spoilers , major character death -- inspired by @sttoru so please check their account out !!
i am taking requests and writing fics and matchups for gaza. check the linked post out to find out more !!
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your shrieks could be heard echoing throughout the whole entire complex. everyone in the medical room pointedly refused to meet your gaze, knowing what had to be done. but you couldn't accept this as your reality. you wouldn't.
"please," you screamed, tears and snot running down your face, hair tangled and a complete mess.
you couldn't make anything out with your blurry eyes except the bloodied, stitched up figure laying on the table in the centre. the sight of your husband would haunt you for the rest of your life, image engraved into your eyelids.
"shoko, please, you can't do this to him, to either of them, please, please give him some decency." your hands grab the woman's as you plead and beg her. shoko only looks away, her eyes full of pity.
the exhaustion and dehydration catch up to you, and your body collapses into a bundle at her feet. your sobs only get louder as you grab at your best friends' ankles, gasping out a litany of "please shoko, don't." you couldn't breathe, the knot in your stomach pulling tighter and tighter.
she doesn't have it in her heart to look at you or push you away.
your sadness gives way to anger. anger towards the higher-ups. anger towards the fact that your husband couldn't even rest in peace after death. used as nothing but a weapon and tool in life and beyond death. anger towards the compliance of your peers and students.
you didn't care about the consequences. you just wanted your satoru back. would the child in your womb suffer the same way? you didn't even have the chance to tell satoru of their existence before the whole world turned upside down.
"he deserves to be buried," your shrill voice cut through the silence once more. you find the strength to stand up on shaky legs as you wipe the tears from your eyes. it's not long before they're filled once more, but you got a good look at everyone's solemn, teary faces. annoyance surges through your body.
"why is no one saying anything? this isn't humane, this isn't right."
"it's what he wanted," shoko responds, her voice small but unwavering. as though she was trying to convince herself what she was doing was right. her feelings could come later, but for now she needed to be strong.
you fall silent at her words, sniffing and trying to swallow back your sobs. of course he did. always the sacrificial lamb your satoru. never having a moment of peace except when he was in your arms, away from the monstrosity that was the sorcerer world.
"suguru would never have stood for this," the whisper of his name on your lips had shoko's head snapping to you. everyone else looking between you both nervously.
"suguru would never have allowed this to happen." you repeat, voice strengthening. you knew your best friend would've fought tooth and nail with you.
"you think i want to do this (name)?, i have no choice, it's our only chance!"
"you always have a choice, shoko. you always have one! yuuta's only 17, don't do this to him, please."
"and have him die?"
"death would be a mercy compared to whatever the fuck this is!"
shoko's words die on her lips. she knows you're right, but they both made their choices, and it was all for the greater good. she hated seeing you, her best friend, so hysterical. but her hands really were tied. shoko had to stay strong.
it's silent for a minute or two, save for your stifled sobs and sniffing. you could only stare at the lifeless body of your husband. even in death, he managed to look so ethereal and otherworldly.
you step towards his body, softly brushing the hair off his forehead. tears drip down onto his face, curving down the apples of satoru's cheek. he's cold to touch, so different from how he normally felt, always running hot. you kiss his cheeks, his nose, his eyelids. his lips.
your quivering lips try to breathe warmth back into him. instead, his coldness seeps through you. you turn your eyes to shoko once more. you've never felt so weak and helpless.
"i just want his body to mourn, shoko, please. i'm not asking for much, i just want his body to bury. i want his body to be his," your voice cracks as you speak. "he deserves that much at the very least, his child deserves that much."
you hear small gasps from the people around you, registering your words. a newfound sadness and bitterness settles deep into their bones.
"i- i can't (name), i'm sorry." tears start to fill shoko's eyes, and you know you're fighting a losing battle.
you withdraw yourself from his body, and you attempt to stand up straight. you gently lift his hand to press against your womb.
the child growing inside of you may never feel the warmth of their father's touch, but satoru's love transcended time and death. he was selfless in the way he gave everything to you and for his loved ones.
"wait for me satoru," you whisper, sofly rubbing his lifeless hand pressed against you with one hand and his icy, hardened cheek with the other. his coldness settled into your body, making you shiver uncontrollably. a fresh new wave of tears run down your face.
it was a privilege to have been able to love him and an even greater honour to mourn him. you would carry his love inside of you, deep within the marrow of your bones, for as long as you lived.
"wait for us, my love."
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i am taking requests and writing fics and matchups for gaza. check the linked post out to find out more !!
© ffsg0jo 2024 — do not plagiarise, repost, modify, or translate any of my work, in any way shape or form; i will piss in your cereal if you do. all work belongs to me and me only.
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samkerrworshipper · 4 months
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las 15.
mapi leon x reader, alexia putellas x reader (platonic)
warnings: the spanish federation ick
erm look at me posting something 😮 anyways enjoy haha i kinda hate it but need to feed yall somehow
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“You need to be aware of the consequences of what could happen if you sign this document.”
You stared down at the mahogany surface of your lawyers desk, it was dark, sanded, smooth and shiny. Contemporary, but it also looked old, like a heirloom. It distracted your from the non stop drawl.
“I don’t care, I’m signing it.”
Your eyes travelled along the surface, lookinbg at the different waves of wood and the way that the dark colours marbled together.
“The RFEF could come for you, they could try and take your license. You might not compete at the world cup, the press will come for you, Vilda will come for you, Barca could reduce your playing time, it could be the end of your career. There are other negatives.”
You’ve thought about all of them of course, how could you not?
“I’ve already said it, I don’t care. Let them come for me, let them do whatever they want. I am done with it all. Fourteen other players have signed it, no? I will be the fifteenth and that is final.”
You weren’t a big fan of your lawyer, he was old and money oriented. He also didn’t have your best interest in mind, his sole focus was earning you as much money as possible, which had been fine up until today.
“So what? You plan to be the best in the world and never play international football again? This will ruin your career, it will put an end to the Ballon D’or campaign, it will change things for you, you can’t just do this because your girlfriend does it as well, this will be detrimental for you.”
The wood grooved at the edges, flattening out and curving so the edges weren’t too sharp.
“I refuse to stand by and submit myself to abuse. That’s what happens every time I go to that place, every time I go to camp I submit myself to abuse, torture, horrific conditions. The fact that you would even dare imply that I would do this for anybody but myself is preposterous. I am better than the condition I am being subkmitted to, I deserve better than to be objectified and treated as if I am dirt on that man’s shoe and I refuse to be treated as such. I have standards for myself and the people around me and I refuse to live by these for much longer. I’ll draft up the letter, I’ll send it to you for editing purposes and once your done you will send it to the RFEF, consequences be damned. You should be glad that I lasted two more windows then everyone else, honestly I’m ashamed that I didn’t do this earlier, but I’m ready to take a stand with everybody else now. I don’t want to play in a World Cup if it means this is how I will live my life.”
You looked up at your lawyer, hoping the fire burning in your soul was reflective in your eyes.
“This is a bad decision, you are thinking with your heart and not your head, this is unlike you.”
You pulled your eyes from the mahogany, standing up from your seat slowly.
“No, I’m thinking with my own interests, not yours, not my managers, not my bank accounts. I’m thinking with my mental health, my emotional health and my physical health. For the first time in my life I am taking time to focus on myself, so tyeah maybe it’s unlike me, but I’d like to think this might be the a better version of me, I’ll email you my letter, all you havr to do is forward it, if it’s such a struggle don’t even bother reading it, I don’t care what you have to say, I’m legally obligated to make you aware of any contractual issues so here I am. Give a fuck, don’t give a fuck, it doesn’t change anything for me, I’ve made my decision and nothing or nobody will make me change my mind.”
You didn’t wait around to hear what he planned to say in rebuttal, exiting the stuffy office as quickly as your legs would allow.
You made it to your car before you felt the tears flooding down your face. Even now, even after you’d tried to speak out you still felt like you were being silenced, like nothing had changed. That’s why you were doing what you were doing, why you knew this was what you needed to do. It didn’t make it any easier though, knowing that no matter what choices you made, even if they were for the good of you there were still going to be people around you who condemned them.
You were supposed to be at training, but you’d taken the day of to finalise all this bullshit. It was frustrating, knowing that the choices you were making for the good of yourself could end up being harmful to your career in a multitude of ways, it was all so fucking hard.
Everybody was at training, and yet here you were balling your eyes out in the carpark of your stupid fucking lawyers office.
If you hadn’t hit rock bottom at the last camp, the this was it, this was your final straw.
It was all too much, you’d been holding out for too long, but the mixture of the other 14 girls refusing to come back and Alexia’s injury had been enough of a motivation for Vilda to try and ruin your life. It had started with extra training after your sessions, then sessions in the mornings, then separating you from the rest of the team, limiting your diet, gym sessions, changing your schedules to everybody elses, punishing you for nothing, treating you like you were a slave to the Spanish Women’s team.
You were the best midfielder they had, excluding Alexia, and she was hurt, you were the scapegoat for the team, you were responsible for the wins and the reason for the losses.
You knew that with your leave, somebody else would end up taking your role, probably Aitana who was far to young to deal with that kind of pain, and you felt bad, you felt more guilty than you thought possible, but you couldnt do it for any longer, you couldn’t act like it wasn’t killing you on the inside for every second that you spent away with those people.
You hated it, you hated feeling like nothing, you hated feeling worthless, you hated living your life like it was pointless, you couldn’t do it for any longer, not when you were giving up every single part of yourself to keep yourself together.
You couldn’t stay how you were, crying in the drivers seat of your car milling over the memories of your last camp, you needed to leave, needed to go somewhere, needed to talk somebody.
Before you really knew what you were doing you’d started driving, letting the tears drip onto your lap and the steering wheel as you frantically drove your way through the city.
You couldn’t be alone, but you also couldn’t handle all the eyes of your teammates, so you drove to the one other place that you could think of where you hoped somebody would be.
You tried your hardest to wipe the tears from your face, but they kept falling, the sleeve of your shirt getting damper by the second as you tried to wipe up the evidence of your breakdown. It was useless, and eventually you gave up, stepping out of your car and ducking your head as you walked towards the lift and navigated your way through the apartment building.
The person you were looking for didn’t answer the door, instead you were put face to face with Olga.
“Hola chica, Ale didn’t tell me she was expecting visitors.”
You bit down on your lip, tapping your foot against the floor as you peeked around Olga, searching for the person you were seeking out.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t tell her, I can go home, I know she’s been busy with her rehab, I don’t even know how I ended up here.”
Olga tugged at your arm before you could spit anything else out, tugging you through the door and closing it from behind you.
“Nonsense chica, you’re very welcome here, Alexia is sitting out on the balcony doing her exercises, she’ll be more than happy to have your company, just head on through, your always welcome here.”
You nodded at Olga, smiling at her as much as you could with your lip still stuck between your teeth.
“Thank you, thank you so much, I really appreciate.”
You tried to ignore the tears that were still dripping down your face, it didn’t feel like you were crying, even though you were, it more felt like you were shedding a layer of yourself, the layer that was holding all of the trauma that you’d been holding in, like it was your way of getting rid of it all.
Alexia’s apartment was meticulously clean as ever, but you spotted her out in the sun easily.
She was standing outside, in a pose similar to ones you did in your yoga sessions.
She looked at peace, like she was calm, like she was serene, the complete polar opposite to how you felt and you really didn’t want to burden her with your problems, but you were here now anyways.
You tiptoed over to the glass sliding door, pushing it open, causing Alexia’s head to peak up at you. She looks at you with curiosity, but doesn;t move, instead her head nods you towards one of the outdoor lounges beside her, which you beeline for.
She stays in her position as she addresses you.
“The appointment with your lawyer didn’t go well then?”
You did a double take as you stared at Alexia, shocked at the information she’d somehow managed to obtain.
“You don’t take me for a idiota do you? Mapi told me you had a appointment you were keeping quiet about this morning, it doesn’t take a genius to figure it out who it must have been with, considering recent events. Although your girlfriend wasn’t smart enough to work it out herself.”
Alexia stayed in her stretch, looking at you as if to prompt you to tell her more.
“Yes, I had a appointment with my lawyer, Alexia.”
Alexia smirked to herself, she was one of the most obersvanet people you knew, nothing got by her, you weren’t all that surprised to find out that this hadn’t.
“You’ll be joining the group then?”
You hadn’t really comes to terms with it, let alone saying it out loud.
“That’s the plan, should be official by tomorrow.”
Tears were still dripping down your face, you couldn’t find yourself caring though.
“Good for you. You deserve better, we all deserve better, may we all hopefully make a change.”
Alexia wasn’t officially a part of the movement, but she was everyway besides a signature as equally involved as everybody else.
“It just feels like i’m letting the team down, that I’m letting everyone down.”
Alexia nodded at you, finally coming out of her stretch and walking over to sit down next to you.
“You’re doing what’s good for you chica, your doing something that is going to make you happier, that is going to make your life better. Nobody else matters beyond that, trust me.”
Alexia looked at you, like she was genuinely struggling to help you out in the moment. She had been your mentor at Barca for forever, you seeked out her advice more than anybody elses, especially in this moment.
“I don’t know how to do it anymore, it’s like he was trying to ruin my fucking life, like his whole purpose for everyday was to make my life a living hell, and I just couldn’t do it anymore. I couldn’t walk around camp acting like it was fine, I couldn’t smile at cameras and talk to the press and tell them about how great I was feeling when it was all lies, all I wanted to do was leave, or sleep, or die, all because of his and his staff. They were hardly feeding me, hardly letting me sleep, hardly giving me a break and expecting me to perform at the same level as everybody else, if not better. I just couldn’t do it anymore Ale, it was too much.”
Alexia’s arm placed itself on your knee, squeezing your covered skin.
“You shouldn’t have to, you needed to leave and you did, you made the right decision chica, you made a impossible decision that will make your life 100 times easier, it doesn’t make you weak, it makes you so incredibly brave for being able to identify that you were being treated wrongly and that you needed to remove yourself from that space.”
The tears kept falling, your pants were slowly becoming soaked with the raw emotion.
“Mapi did it because of the abuse, because she had a legitimate reason, I’m leaving because they worked me a little bit harder than everybody else, it feels like I’m overreacting.”
You could feel Alexia rolling her eyes from beside you.
“Really? Has Mapi told you that?”
Mapi had told you that you deserved the world, you deserved everything you wanted, you deserved to be treated like a queen, not how the RFEF was treating you. She’d told you the decision was yours, that she would support you no matter what you did, but she’d also told you that after every camp you came back with a little bit less of yourself, that Vilda was stripping parts of you away to use at his mercy.
“It’s not the same thing, Patri, Pina, Mapi, they all have good reasons, they’ve all been hurt, Vilda is just trying to make me better, trying to make me worthy.”
Alexia’s hand squeezed tighter.
“You’re lying to yourself and you know it. As long as he is in charge, you aren’t going to get treated how you deserve, none of us are. We’ve all paid our dues, yet they don’t give a shit, they break us all down until we’ve got nothing left to give. They broke me down until I did my acl, if you hadn’t of left they would have done the same to you. It’s nonstop, even if it isn’t the same kind of abuse as Mapi, it’s still abuse, they still rip out every part of you in the process. Each time you come back you have less of yourself to offer, but they keep taking, and taking, they make us feel nothing. It’s a waste, it’s a waste of the wonderful life we’ve all been gifted. We deserve to be happy, we deserve to be free of the pain.”
You nodded your head, you’d been avoiding telling Mapi about all of this. You were conscious that she was still working through a lot of her own trauma, and you didn’t want to reopen scars that were only just beginning to heal.
“I don’t know what to do Ale, I sign the papers, I write the letters and I’m taking a stand, I’m trying to make a change. I stay, I wreck it all, but I keep my career. It feels like I’m at a crossroads with myself, and I can’t talk about it weith Maps because god forbid shes already been through enough with her own struggle through it all, she doesn’t need me on top of that.”
Alexia stood back up, getting back onto her mat and pushing herself into another stretch, all whilst she maintained eye contact with you.
“Mapi’s talked to you about her struggles, si? She’s burdening you with her own problems, yet it doesn’t feel that way, because you love her and you’d do anything to make her pain less. I guarantee she’d feel the exact same way. You’ve been through a lot, none of us will ever be able to completely comprehend what you’ve been through, but if you started talking to your loved ones about it we’d be able to support you better. Or a therapist, I know Barca has been giving you sessions, but I mean a real psychologist, not just a person who tells you that you need a day off. You need somebody to help you, to actually make you feel like you deserve better than how they treated you, because I know that you know that but I don’t think you really believe it.”
The tears were slowly coming to a standstill, slipping less frequently down your face as Alexia talked to you.
“I don’t want to make her hurt any more than she already has.”
Alexia just looked at you, with that double eyebrow raise and little crinkle in her forehead.
“If you think that Maria wouldn’t do anything for you, even if it meant sucking every single inch of pain from your body and putting it into hers, she would do it and she would do it with a smile on her face. Her whole world, her whole solar system revolves around you and she’d want you to talk to her about this. She knows better than anybody else what you’re experiencing, she’s literally been where you are, so why not talk to her about it?”
It was true, for as long as Mapi and you had been together she’d tried to fix every single thing, she would do anything to make you feel better, this didn’t feel the same though.
“She deserves to live in a world where Vilda, where the RFEF, don’t affect her anymore. She signed the petition, she’s cleaned her hands of it all, and I should have done it with her, but I didn’t. I chose to keep playing for the benefit of my career, because I was greedy and decided that a Ballon D’or and any kind of accolade I was a shot at was more important then taking a stand and I hate it. I hate that now that I’ve won things that suddenly it’s all hit me that I don’t like what’s been happening, and I don’t want to support it. Mapi doesn’t deserve to go through it a second time, all because I was greedy.”
Alexia switched sides on her stretch, the sun was radiating off of her olive skin and her blonde hair, she looked ethereal.
“Have you told her anything about it?”
Alexia was frowning, like she was shocked by your actions.
“She knows that I was struggling at camp, she told me I was welcome to talk to her. After the last one she knew something had changed, she told me she was worried and I shook her off, because I thought she was being overprotective, but she was right, she had reason to be worried, I wasn’t okay. I’m not okay, i don’t know how to process it all.”
Alexia nodded.
“Go home, tell her what’s happening, see what she says, I think it’ll be a lot better than whatever you’ve thought up. Mapi has been my bestfriend for years, she’s dated my sister, she’s dated my friends and I can confidently tell you that she loves you more than any of them, you’re her do or die, all she’ll want to do is support you, please just go and talk to her.”
Alexia looked at you with such conviction and honesty that you couldn’t find it in you to try and fight her on the topic.
“Thank you Ale, I needed this, I needed to talk to somebody, needed to feel less crazy.”
Alexia did one last stretch before standing up, pulling you into a tight hug before you could pull away.
“You’re not crazy chica, you’re going through a very real, very hard time, and you deserve to have the people around you show you how much they love you.”
Alexia let go of you, shoving you back towards the door.
“Go talk to your girl, and sign those papers, and be happy, enjoy life, enjoy peace. You deserve it, chica.”
You nodded into Alexia’s shoulder, letting go of her and slipping back into her apartment, leaving her to get back to her stretching.
You shivered when you spotted Mapi’s car already parked in her spot. You knew you’d be cutting it close with getting home earlier then her, but you’d held a silent hope that you would be the first home. You hesitated to exit your car, scared of what the inside of your apartment held. You weren’t scared so much, more a little bit tentative of the conversation that you were about to have, knowing that it could majorly impact your relationship. In your heart, you knew that Mapi would love you no matter what, but it didn’t calm the nerves inside of you as you pulled your keys from the ignition, pulled out the papers that your lawyer had given you and exited your car.
The whole walk from your car, to the elevator and then down the hallway to your apartment had your heart thrumming inside of your chest. Your hands were quite literally shaking as you pushed your key into the door.
You toed your shoes off at the door, slotting them down beside the door before slowly walking your way through the entrance. It wasn’t hard to find Mapi, she was right in front of you, sitting down at the island bench, patting Bagheera and eating a post training salad. You knew that there was one meant for you still sitting on the shelf of your fridge, from when the two of you had meal planned yesterday. She looked so undisturbed, with the afternoon light coming in through the gaps in the blinds and the general silence that you were about to break.
You announce yourself by slinging your bag down against the wall, a loud enough noise that seems to wake Mapi from her happy daze.
She smiles as soon as her eyes set on you and it only makes the weight in your gut feel ten times heavier and the pain in your heart ten times worse.
You wanted to turn around and walk right back out the door you’d just walked through, but you couldn’t, not with the way that Mapi looked at you, like her whole day had been made by your appearance.
“Hola bebita, how was your meeting?”
Mapi’s smiling ear to ear, quite literally, you swear you can see every single one of her teeth. It had hurt you to lie to Mapi about where you were going today, telling her that you’d had a crucial appointment with your manager about some media things, it wasn’t a direct lie. You had met with your manager, instead of it being positive though, it had been quite the opposite.
You didn’t have any words to reiterate to Mapi, so instead you just picked up the papers that were tucked away in your hands and placed them down on the island infront of her.
Mapi looked at you with confusion for a few seconds.
“Just read them, you’ll understand it more once you have.”
Mapi didn’t hesitate, picking up the first piece of paper and scanning over it, before moving onto the second, then the third and so on, till she’d made it through the entire stack.
You stood anxiously on your toes the whole time, balancing from one foot to the other as you contemplated how Mapi was going to reply to this sudden change.
When she did finish, she looked up at you, a lot of questions hidden behind her curious eyes.
“I’m resigning, or requesting they don’t call me up. I don’t want to play for a federation that doesn’t care about me. I’m sorry I didn’t do it earlier, but I wasn’t ready and I’m sorry I’m bother you with it now but I’m also sorry I didn’t tell you about it earlier, I met with my lawyer for the first time today to sign the documents and write my statement. If it all goes to plan then they should be out in the next week. I don’t want to do it anymore, I can’t do it anymore, I’m sorry.”
Mapi blinked a few times, like you’d just blindsided her completely, and you figured you had.
“I didn’t even really know it was happening until after last camp, and I just realised that I was so exhausted and so tired and so sick of it all that I couldn’t do it again. I should have done it earlier, I should have been a part of it all from the start but I was scared and I still am scared Maps. This is supposed to be my job, I’m supposed to be grateful for the opportunities I’m given and yet I feel like I’m a fraud and I’m lying when I say that because I’m not grateful and I’m not happy and I can’t do it anymore, I just can’t. I’ve been praying every night that I get injured, so that I get a break like Ale, and I don’t want to feel like that anymore.”
Mapi just stood up and pulled you into her arms, silencing the rambling and making you realise that you were now crying again.
She slowly led you towards the couch, bringing you into her arms as you tried to take control of yourself.
It felt like every piece of anguish, every piece of fear, every piece of internal hatred was slowly being pulled from your body and it felt so good, like you were somehow being healed.
Mapi wiated until you were coherent enough, until you felt more resurfaced, and less like the bloodn was rushing through your ears and every though of self-doubt was spirally through the different ridges of your brain.
“Princesa, you’ve made this decision for you, si? Not because of me, not because of anybody else, because you believe this is best for you?”
You nodded into her chest, enjoying the feeling of your own skin pressed directly to hers.
“I’m sick of them making me feel this way Maps, I don’t like it, I don’t think it’s right.”
Mapi’s body was surrounding you, her scent, her feel, her everything, and it was all you’d needed today, everything that Alexia had assured you would make you feel better.
Mapi’s salad was forgotten on the counter.
Bagheera was somewhere else.
It was just the two of you, just the two of you to face everything.
“We’re put into boxes, as women, men try to make us be everything and yet nothing. It’s not right, we’re expected to be as good as the men, but we have to behave eloquently, say our pleases and thank yous and never be ungrateful for the piss poor conditions we put up with. We’re supposed to be passionate, but we’re not allowed to over react in any way. We can only underperform, not overperform. There are no expectations for us, because we’re women and we’re supposed to be worse than the men, but they’re are also so many expectations for us to meet. It’s okay for you to be done with that, there is nothing wrong with you saying no to constantly being abused. You’re not a fraud bebita and I’m here for you no matter what. You’re my girlfriend first, a person second and a soccer player last. It doesn’t matter, none of it matters, you matter, you’re feelings and how you feel is what matters.”
Mapi’s hand pulled your head from her neck, her lips connecting with your forehead with ease.
“I’m not doing it anymore Maps. I want to be strong, I want to say no. I want to be a part of the right side of history. I don’t want to sit around pretending everything’s fine when it’s not fine. It’s nowhere near fine and until there is a change it won’t be.”
Mapi nodded, pressing a series of kisses to your forehead.
“Then we’ll work it out, you’ll keep me in the loop and we’ll figure it out together, no more hiding these big feelings from me. We’ll go and see our therapists and take soe time off and do whatever you need to feel safe and happy, because what matters is you, nobody else, si?”
You nodded your head once again, enjoying the same smile that her face was covered in. her lips migrated down to your cheeks, pressing kisses to the rosiest parts, pushing the tears away.
“I’ve got you bebita, we’ve got each other, we’re going to be fine, we all are.”
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Am i the A-hole for trying to protect a women focused space?
I'm the mod from the super one sided retelling of the "Refusing to change OC's sexuality to bi/pan" situation. Shin (the person who wrote that post) know i don't use tumblr so of course he bring the drama here so that people would judge "Laura" and me without knowing the full truth. Thankfully, a dear friend of mine who followed this blog told me about this and was kind enough to allowed me to send this ask using her account.
First of all, it's pretty clear that Shin is lying about his identity. Shin said he is a trans man but he admitted that he don't want to transition beside wanting flat chest. Shin also said that he is south east asian but his display name and his OC's name are all japanese, which is a huge sign of white weeb fetishizing japanese culture. The fact that his english and understanding of slangs is way too good to be south east asian.
Secondly, Shin joining this server knowing that 90% of the members are yumejoshi, he should be grateful of the fact that we even allowed those yaoi characters invading what basically a space for women. I know we advertised the RP as a non-shipping focus death game story but you should have read the room and know what type of people this space is catering to and not bring your gay character in if you didn't want him to be shipped with women.
Thirdly, if Shin was uncomfortable then he should have made it clear from the start instead of letting "Laura"s character flirting with his, like having him respond rudely or out right rejecting her or something. Shin said he is having undiagnosed autism in his bio then he should have understand how it feel when people don't state what they mean clearly. His OC still being nice to "Laura"'s OC even if he didn't like the flirting, of course she would misunderstand that his OC developed romantic feeling for her OC.
Fourthly, Shin said before that he didn't count alternate timeline versions of a character from a visual novel he likes the same as the original timeline version because of their different life experiences then why can't he do the same to his OC? Why can't he just agree to let "Laura" make an alternate version of his character if in his logic they are completely different people? Hypocrite much?
And finally, "Laura" was very upset about this and it took her a while to move on, she could have hurt herself back then because of you. Also, we had to revised our server's rules and banned all the non-yumejoshies, which cut several RPs short.
So who is really the A-hole here?
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inblurtub · 4 months
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lovingly siesta | a smau | part 2
pairing(s): youngest sister leclerc!reader x f1 grid (platonic), youngest sister leclerc!reader x lando norris
warnings: no face claim, age gap (25-18), protective charles leclerc, super softie pie lando, ooc
need part 1? click here!
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yourusername
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liked by arthur_leclerc, charles_leclerc and 25.485 others
yourusername while i were pluto-ing 🌌 midterms hit harder than i thought
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user24 i have said it once and i’ll say it again, i missed her being little so much🥹 she is now a college girl with a boyfriend
user26 sis i think we go to the same uni—
arthur_leclerc too bad you don’t go for racing
yourusername every family need a smart ass girl and that is me arthur_leclerc just because you are the only princesse in the family😨 yourusername fair enough
user22 so nobody gonna bring up the 2nd picture?? i’m hungry for context😭
user24 yeh not even charles?? must be my delusion🤯
user29 listen to me, if he wasn’t lando then he couldn’t be anyone else
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yourusername posted on their stories
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↳ charles_leclerc ma princesse, i wish you all the best with lando, but if he ever hurt you don’t hesitate to tell your brothers. we’re gonna beat his ass real quick
yourusername i know sharl🫶🏻 i love ur three so much that i can’t say enough💓
↳ landonorris WE DID IT
yourusername YES WE DID IT landonorris now i can take you out and treat you meals any time i want😈
↳ arthur_leclerc use protection🙂
yourusername DO NOT spill shit out like that with your verified account🙂 but i will if we really do it
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yourusername
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liked by oscarpiastri, landonorris and 194.326 others
yourusername my fighter🫶🏻 what a wonderful race that was, start to think that i’m your lucky charm! tagged landonorris
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carlossainz55 join the dinner will you😉
yourusername only if @/charles_leclerc allow charles_leclerc as if i have the choice to refuse😒
oscarpiastri he is giggling and kicking feets right now
landnorris osc u are not suppose to expose me! yourusername @/landonorris we have a deal, you can’t interfere
landonorris i love that i look damp through your camera
yourusername what a cutie you are landonorris yes i am🤭
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landonorris
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liked by yourusername, mclaren and 467.289 others
landonorris just helped her in a song that she wrote about her sweetheart
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landonorris minions and none-minions people, be ready for “not-so-single era”
charles_leclerc she wrote a whole song about you what a privilege
landonorris i’m the only one, she got 3 of you guys
yourusername and a bside track exclusively for u🫶🏻
landonorris WHAT BABY DON’T DROP THINGS SO CASUAL😭 I WONT BE READY yourusername :) gotta keep it hush just for the right moment
mclaren can she come to the garage next weekend😉
yourusername nuh uh im still a ferrari girl you know
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kerryweaverlesbian · 1 month
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Post-canon post-reunion post-reuinion-sex. Dean takes Cas out in the Impala for a drive for the first time since he got back a year after he was taken. Before Dean starts the engine he hesitates and gets a little shy and defensively says "don't laugh at me, okay? I need them." and he pulls a pair of plastic framed glasses out of his jacket front pocket and puts them on.
Cas does not stop staring at him, which Dean can only handle up to the first stop light. There's an heated blush on his face when he barks:
"Quit the surveillance Big Brother. Something wrong with my face?"
"You've aged."
"Jesus."
"It's a compliment. Your resourcefulness and resilience have allowed you to live past the time you were intended to by fate."
"You need to go back to charm school, Thermopolis. 'You've aged' is never a friggin compliment."
"It is. You've aged, and you're taking care of yourself."
There's a touch, light, to the side of Dean's face, tracing gently up under the gap of his glasses to caress his crows feet.
"Cas!" Dean complains, "I'm driving!" But he doesn't push his hand away.
"You're growing," Cas continues, sliding a long finger over Dean's eyebag, "You've lived." He taps the leg of Dean's glasses as he withdraws, adding, "You have defied God."
Dean tries very hard to follow the logic, feeling his face screw up as he does, but he's got nothing. "Huh?"
"Chuck's design for humans was faulty, amateur. There was much he did not account for. In creating the means to live, and live well, with the body you have been given, humanity has proven its superiority to God himself."
Dean scoffs, feeling a little shy again, "It's just glasses, Cas."
"The product of thousands of years of innovation. The work of thousands of people across millenia." Cas pauses for a moment, then asks, a touch breathless, "Can I tell you what I like to imagine?"
"Uh, sure?"
"I like to imagine, when I think of the work of other humans across all of time, that they were doing it all in service of you."
Considering this, Dean lets a Jeep turn onto the road in front of him. "Is it like a sex thing?"
"It's not a sex thing. It is the placement of my desire for you over the will of thousands. My love supercedes their true intentions, their ambitions, their circumstances. I am reappropriating their care to act as a vessel for the depth of my feelings for you."
"Hm. Sounds like a sex thing."
"It is not a sex thing."
"Okay, tell me this, then," Dean says, turning to face Cas at the next red light, "Do you or do you not want me to wear the glasses next time I suck you off?"
"...yes, I do want that."
"I rest my case. And hey - just a tip, from one flirt to another. Next time you want to bring up your hot librarian fantasy, or whatever, don't start by calling the other person old."
"It's not a librarian fantasy, it's a you fantasy."
"Yeah, yeah. Not like I haven't got you-fantasies of my own. How about this: I'll wear just the glasses if you wear just the trench coat."
"I think I could be persuaded," Cas says, and he's smiling, and Dean's smiling, and when he catches a glimpse of his own smile-lines in the rear-view mirror magnified through his glasses, he thinks maybe he gets it. They made it. They're alive. There's proof of it.
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astonmartinii · 1 year
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worlds biggest fan part two | max verstappen social media au
pairing: max verstappen x reader
y/n is the president of the official max verstappen fan club, but nothing can come of that, right?
part one
masterlist
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yourusername
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liked by maxverstappen1, martingarrix and 6,708 others
yourusername: not much going on right now
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user28: and now we're quoting taylor swift huh?
yourbff1: you're fake as fuck for posting this after not replying to me for two days
yourusername: what if i told you my phone died?
yourbff2: i would fight u
yourusername: i'm outside pull up
user29: the way they're still bickering as if y/n isn't well known now
yourbff1: she'll never dodge these hands
maxverstappen1: 🧡
user30: you ever gonna progress past an orange heart WHERE'S THE FLIRTING?
yourusername: blushing
user30: there's something suspicious amuck here
user31: ur right
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maxverstappen1
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liked by yourusername, danielricciardo and 1,309,561 others
tagged: yourusername
maxverstappen1: i'm her biggest fan
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user36: i am going feral i need to be put down
danielricciardo: who is this man and what did you do with max verstappen?
maxverstappen1: i'm not allowed to appreciate my girl? danielricciardo: my bad, y/n is a very beautiful girl you're very lucky maxverstappen1: I AM AWARE
user37: yall i think max is losing his mind
yourusername: wow who is this girl who definietly should be in a lecture and not monaco
maxverstappen1: but i'm more fun than your professor yourusername: better take that maxy he's a big fan of yours maxverstappen1: okay he's a cool guy but i'm cooler yourusername: i'm not going to debate that
user38: so like did he fly her out for the dinner or did they go to dinner and then get on so well they went back to max's in monaco? i like desperately need to know
yourbff1: so this is where you've been @yourusername
yourusername: sorry not sorry yourbff2: we've been collecting notes and work for you and this is how we're thanked maxverstappen1: name a race and i'll get you there yourbff1: i take it back you can fuck off to monaco whenever you want yourusername: you change your tune fast
maxverstappenarchive
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liked by maxverstappen1, yourusername and 39,671 others
maxverstappenarchive: max enjoying his summer break
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user39: i know y/n is loving reporting on herself on this account
yourusername: maybe am i, maybe i'm not
yourbff1: she definitely is
user40: not to sound cheesy but i've never seen max this happy victoriaverstappen: neither maxverstappen1: i'd rather wait this long for a love like this, than have something less than what i feel right now yourusername: awwwwwwww i love you too maxy user41: i'm sorry ? LOVE ? user42: i feel like this is way too fast maxverstappen1: i'm an f1 driver all i know is fast charles_leclerc: good lord that is cheesy mate user43: @charles_leclerc what are you doing in the comment section of a max fan account charles_leclerc: being nosey and gathering data for the group chat user43: what group chat? charles_leclerc: the one where we make fun of max for being a softy
f1wagsandtea
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liked by user44, user45 and 2,198 others
tagged: yourusername, yourbff1, yourbff2, yourbff3
f1wagsandtea: y/n y/ln, the girlfriend of max verstappen, will make her debut this weekend at silverstone and has brought along three of her closest friends and housemates.
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user46: omg y/n is finally going to a race
user47: i want her to go to zandvoort at some point i know the girlies there would treat her well
yourbff1: we're famous now oh wow
yourbff2: i mean it's just a wag account bro don't we hate these?
f1wagsandtea: catching strays on my own post
yourbbf3: deserved xoxo
user48: i am so excited for y/n omg this has all happened so fast
redbullracing
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liked by maxverstappen1, yourusername and 569,341 others
tagged: yourusername, maxverstappenarchive
redbullracing: a famous face in the orange army was with us in the garage this weekend. y/n has been a long-time fan of her boyfriend max and finally got to attend her first race here in silverstone
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user49: this shit is straight out of a damn fanfiction
yourusername: thank you so so much for having me, truly an insane experience i am so grateful
redbullracing: there's still race day to go
yourusername: don't remind me i'm so nervous
maxverstappen1: i thought i saw an angel in the garage after fp1, turns out i wasn't hallucinating
yourusername: you're too sweet
user43: @charles_leclerc i got one for you
charles_leclerc: thank you for your service
maxverstappen1: how many of you are in this group chat
charles_leclerc: none of your business
user50: god when will it happen to me
f1
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liked by lewishamilton, lancestroll and 881,208 others
f1: RED FLAG. the marshals have thrown the red flag after a collision between max verstappen and lewis hamilton. the impact was 51g and verstappen has been escorted via helicopter to the local hospital but is awake and talking. we will resume within the hour.
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maxverstappenarchive
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liked by maxverstappen1, victoriaverstappen and 67,033 others
maxverstappenarchive: i cannot express my disappointment enough in the way the situation was handled this afternoon. it is to my understanding that the fia have considered this to be a racing incident, though i do not agree, that is the ruling so i nothing i can say will change that. HOWEVER, i am deeply disappointed in the manner in which lewis decided to celebrate despite the severity of the crash to max. i am lucky enough to be with max now, he is okay and his scans indicate that there is no internal damage, but i do believe there should be some introspection to how we celebrate while being unaware of the wellbeing of the other party. you can call me bias, but max will come back stronger and this will only motivate him more for the title fight. game on.
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user51: holy moly she did not come to play
user52: i don't even know how to feel about this whole thing
user53: i was there and oh my god it was so intense
user54: i'm just glad both parties are okay
user55: this title fight is so intense oh god
user56: i have a feeling this is not over
maxverstappen1 added to their story
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[caption: thank you for being there for me, we'll come back stronger]
note: HOLY MOLY this felt like it took so long to write lol. i've been at work every day and finally sorted my living situ out (i.e. i'm gonna move into the dodgy house and just wait to be evicted lol). i like writing cause it's such a distraction from my current shit show life lol - i may make a part three of this if y'all want idk i love the drama of it all xxx
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