#hi my anxiety is through the fucking roof today because I really need a job but there is just nothing out there right now

[lucybianchi]

.

[imagines-she-writes]

There's a fine line between love and hate

Part 3/?

Y/n and Angel's wedding is fast approaching...

Warnings: swearing, alcohol, sexual assault, mentions of rape , typical MC violence

"Angel you are an actual pig. You left half yourself down the toilet pan... you're disgusting use the damn toilet brush for god's sake!" Y/n wasn't best pleased too see the state of the bathroom. It was like Angel was doing everything to deliberately wind y/n up.

Angel just pulled a face in annoyance. "Ain't that what wife's are for?"

"And that my fake hubby is why you are still single"

"what's the big deal about getting married and settling down blah blah blah"

"Because some folks are committed to each other. It's a symbol of unending love & commitment."

"pass the sick bucket" Angel fake gagged. Y/n rolled her eyes, throwing the elder Reyes brother the toilet cleaner.

"just clean it up before I get home from work , ok? It's really not that hard"

"Yeah yeah... I'll get prospect to do it"

"You'll do it yourself...it's your literal shit after all"

Work was kicking y/n in the ass today. Every time y/n thought she was on top of the never ending list of jobs her boss would add even more to the now seemingly never ending list.

"AHH y/n....don't forget to bring your mysterious fiancee to the works party on Friday" y/n cringed not only at the thought of going to the said party but her boss Mr Lomax was lecherous man who made her skin crawl.

"ohh yeah I think he's busy...with work stuff himself"

"tsk tsk...now if you was my fiancee I wouldn't let you outta my sight"

"well it's a good job I'm not then isn't it? " Y/n smiled sweetly. With that y/n went to leave for the night. Lomax had other ideas.

"I like 'em fiesty..." His sausage fingers grazing y/ns breasts through her work blouse moving down swiftly to her backside before he forced his disgusting mouth onto hers and his fat fingers into the waistband of her pants.

"Get off me!" Y/n pushed Lomax off her with as much force as she could muster. Y/n grabbed her purse. Tears pricked her eyes as she ran to her car not before throwing up in a near by bush.

The drive home was excruciating. All she wanted was to bathe the vile man off her skin and out of her mouth. Once she was in the safe confines of hers and Angel's home y/n bolted and locked the door. Back leaning against the from door she let the emotions from what just happened out. What could have happened terrified her to her core.

Y/n ripped the blouse from her frame in desperate need of ridding herself of what he touched.

"You'll be pleased to see I cleaned..whoa.... I know I'm hot mi dulce but no need to strip off as you see me" Angel tried to joke but sensed almost immediately that something had happened. Y/n wasn't the type of person that cries especially for no reason.

"Hey .. hey hey y/n....what's happened? "

Y/n was still occupied trying to rid herself of the scent of Lomax in a state of sheer anxiety and distress.

"H..h..he " y/n was struggling to put what happened into words. The breaths she was taking were ragged. It broke Angel's heart.

"S'ok....breathe with me ok?" He places his hands on her shoulders guiding her into taking deep breaths with him. Y/n looked into Angel's deep pools of caramel eyes and it was like something had changed. A switch had been flipped. She found herself getting lost in the features of his face. Like just how dark his eyes were, or the tiny grey hairs in his beard you only saw this close & personal.

"You're safe y/n....ok now tell me what happened?"

Y/n took a breath and recounted what had happened. How Lomax very nearly raped her or could have. How he would brush up against her in the elevator or work kitchen.

Angel tensed up. His blood was boiling. "Imma fucking kill him"

"No Angel...please ... I..he's ..."

Angel sighed knowing exactly what you was going to say. "Don't say he ain't worth it cos that fucker needs throwing off the roof for what he's done...just say the word y/n and I'll fucking do it...and you know I'm good for it too". Y/n had no doubt that Angel would throw Lomax off the roof but right now weather she liked it or not she needed him.

"Go and get showered and changed. I'll make you a stiff drink..." Y/n smiled weakly at the man she was marrying in two weeks.

With the guise off grabbing supplies Angel fired up his bike heading towards y/ns work building. The closer he got the more his rage intensified.

Pulling up a few streets away he met his brothers. The MC agreed that this could not be left unpunished. Coco Gilly Hank Taza And Bishop were livid. "Imma fucking cut his dick off"

"Bro I get you're mad but calm down... he'll get his just desserts" Ez tried to to calm his older brother to little effect.

The MC walked into the building to various stares and whispers. This was nothing new to them. But sometimes they still found it amusing.

" we're looking for a Lomax?" Bishop asked a portly man who looked him up and down then the rest of the MC. His eyes balked when they landed on Angel, recognition hitting from the staged photo from y/ns desk.

"Yeah that's right" Angel smirked before landing a punch square on Lomax's jaw.

"you ever fucking touch her again...I'll throw you off this god damn roof"

Lomax chuckled wiping his bloodied mouth. "Little slut.. think she is something. Was asking to be fucked".

"The fuck you just say?"

Once Angel had calmed down enough to return home he found y/n curled up on the sofa.

"you'll be ok now ..he's been dealt with....oh you start at the scrap yard Monday"

With that Angel shut the door to his room. His mind was in overdrive. There was no denying it now. He was in love with y/n. "Fuck!" He sighed flopping into his bed.

"Mr Reyes and Miss y/l/n I'm David Steel...I'll be doing the assessment today too see if you're trying to pull a fast one"

"why we gotta go through all this bull?"

"proceedure. ... Now Mr Reyes how did you meet your fiancée?"

"At the scrap yard where I work. She was looking for parts for her car" David nodded writing it all down.

He asked the usual questions to Angel before turning his attention to y/n.

"miss y/l/n where are you from originally?"

"y/c"

"and what is it that you love most about Mr Reyes?"

Y/n froze. She wasn't expecting this! Luckily she had seen enough chick flicks too reel from her memory. Y/n took a deep breath.

"He tries to protect me. He makes me laugh even when I've had a horrible day and it's the last thing I wanna do. He always make sure that I have my favourite candy in the cupboard. I love how he tries and fails too cook I love how much he loves his brother's and how much he loves me"

The entire time y/n felt Angel staring at her. Burning into her soul. "Lovely..." With that Angel reaches over to take hold of y/ns hand. He gently kisses the back of her hand.

"Mr Reyes what don't you like about miss y/l/n?"

"She can nag me at times. But women right?.... She. Puts herself last and thinks she's never good enough. But she is. She's fucking perfect and I wish she could see herself they way I do."

Why was y/n blushing? It's all fake and made up isn't it?

"Do you have any plans for children?"

"ohh I umm ,...I can't have children" y/n admitted.

Angel looked shocked. But then it was the first time he heard such an admission.

The drive to club house was awkward. Angel didn't know what to say. Y/n would rather have had them bickering than the thick silence that hung around them.

"prospect...beer please" y/n said taking a seat at the bar. Y/n was lost in her own muddled thoughts. Absently peeling the label off the beer bottle.

"what you said..at the offices..." Y/n glanced to her right too see Angel had taken the seat beside her.

"which bit?"

"About not being able to have kids...I'm sorry I had no idea...you would make a brilliant mom"

Y/n shrugged. "Just not in this life though , eh? "

" And I'm sorry all the times I took the piss outta you in the past for not having kids yet it's....it's a dick move"

"yeah ...it was....but I'm used to it now...no babies and you. Kinda hate both of it." Angel was lost for words. Instead he pat's y/n in the shoulders and leaves.

"my bad".

"Dude... $100 they fuck before they get hitched"

"$1000 they actually get married for real"

"you're on" Coco & Gilly shook on their bet.

" I can hear you Coco puff".

Tags: @the-mayan-queen

@spnaquakindgdom @oklahomapeach .

So here is the next part of there's a fine line between love and hate....

I'll be writing the next part asap! Also working on some Hank stuff too cos he does not get enough love

[widow-maximov]

Can you do a Natasha x reader of them finding out the reader is expecting, and basically they hadn’t told everyone else about their relationship yet and now they decide to because of r’s pregnancy~ 🦋✨

Of course! This definitely will be a lot of fun to do, Thank you for sending this request.

If anyone wants to tagged in my future work, DM me or use the requests to leave a tag so you'll be notified when I post, I don't have a limit on tags so whoever wants to be tag, feel free to message me.

────── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ──────

Finally

Pairing: Natasha x Fem Reader

Warning: Language, a lot of fluff :3

Summary: Having a secret relationship with the famous Black Widow is hard enough, but what if Y/n finds out that she's finally pregnant..

Word count: 2.3k

⸻⸻⋙☸⋘⸻⸻

Here you are, alone in the bathroom sitting on the edge of the bathtub as you bounce your leg up and down, staring at the test that you just peed on, the anxiety in that moment cannot be explained but one just have to experience themselves.

You always wanted to start a family and throughout all the attempts you seem to fail each time, you and your girlfriend of 4 years have decided to finally start a family, the subject with your girlfriend was tough as she always was afraid of doing something wrong and ruin the child's view on her just like it did on her when she was small.

People might wonder who is this girlfriend that you decided to take a huge step with, well it's nonetheless Natasha Romanoff, the woman who swept you off your feet the second you laid your eyes on her.

Let's back track a little, shall we?

5 years ago

It was a difficult and stressful time for you, you have been working your ass off so you could get recognised by Tony Stark, he was going to pick someone to work along him for his new project and you were up for that task, you knew if you were good enough he would definitely take an interest in your work.

Where you currently worked paid you the minimum and it just wasn't enough so when you heard about the offer, you took it without thinking twice, you knew that this would be a good opportunity for you and being recognised world wide for the work you did with him would bring more and better job offers.

Even if you had slight doubt about the work you did for this, you were picked out of everyone who took part. The happiness you felt in that moment was unimaginable, you felt so proud of yourself and Tony was too.

You was quick to work with Tony, he needed someone asap and what you provided him was more than enough, you were finished within couple days, it wasn't until day 3 that you actually managed to leave the place with him, he was going to walk to you around and show you some stuff that he created, but of course that didn't go unnoticed by the team.

Tony knew that if he introduced you to them, there would be a possibility of you being spooked by their loud strong personalities but he took the risk as they were his family in a way.

They were more than happy to meet you and you were fascinated by their weapons and how they complimented them. You found yourself in deep conversations with everyone, creating new friends expect that one redhead.

You knew she was the Black Widow, she along with the team were all over the news, she was a little concerned at how fast everyone liked you, she was happy for a new addition but there was something her that told her to be aware.

With each passing week you spent with Stark, the more he grew fond of your presence, that he even made sure you have your own room in the tower so you wouldn't have to travel so far back where you lived, the team were excited when you accepted his offer to stay here and soon even though you wasn't a hero, you felt like a teammate.

Natasha grew fond of you as well, the way your smile would make her day a little bit better, the way your laughter would fill the room, making her smile as well, she was good at hiding her emotions so she wasn't worried that the team might find out about her little crush on you.

'Little' of course, that's what she wanted to believe but each time at the sight of you, that just backfired on her, the way you wouldn't even notice her until she literally had to clear her throat, there would be a second in your eyes where you would be lost but a smile would be plastered across your lips at the sight of the Russian.

"Hello Natty" You replied as you made your way where she was, by the coffee which you needed desperately.

She stiffen at the nickname which didn't go unnoticed, causing you to panic "Oh I'm sorry! I didn't want to overstep anything"

"No, no you didn't overstep anything.." Her voice quiet down as she looked anywhere else but you.

You felt a little awkward so when the coffee was done, you grabbed the cup and slowly made your way out of the kitchen, that's when she spoke up "It's just.. No one called me that before"

You turned to face her as she held herself, arms wrapped around herself, from her body language she was afraid to open up which caused a lightbulb to light up in your head.

You took a deep breath, gathering the courage "Do you have a free evening today?"

Her eyes darted to you as she nodded "Yeah"

You nodded with a smile at her reply "Okay" and walked out, a part of Natasha wanted to go after you and ask why but another part wanted to see what you will do.

The evening come by really quickly and the curiosity ate at Natasha, she waited and waited and nothing, she thought that maybe you just were curious yourself but when she walked inside her room, she saw a little white paper placed on her bed.

She walked over and opened it, expecting some sort of prank but it only instructed her to go to the roof and wear something comfortable, so she just did that.

You knew the redhead wasn't exactly fond of you.. or so you thought, so sitting on the roof waiting for her to show up was definitely nerve wracking. You had set up a nice comfy place on the roof, with a projector so you can watch movies, it was with the help of Tony of course, he had to give you the permission before you went and done anything.

Your head whipped towards the door and there she stood, she looked a little shy but when you waved her over, she quickly hid that emotion behind her smile.

She took a look around and raised her brows at you as she sat down next to you "What is all of this?"

You smiled "Whatever you want it to be"

She looked a little confused before a smile settled on her lips as she looked down so you continued "It can be a movie night, just me and you or we can talk or we just sit here in silence as we stare at the sky"

In the redheads life no one really cared that much about her feelings like you did in that moment "Thank you"

She nodded proudly at her with a very wide smile and she continued "We can talk and then watch a movie"

And that's what the two of you did, she opened up, you opened up and it was like a perfect match in heaven, so many similar interests and voiced options about opposite views, it was really everything the both of you wanted.

Present

Your heart dropped at the result in front of you, it was positive. It was fucking positive!

The excitement washed over as the anxiety disappeared, this is what you wanted, this is what the both of you wanted. Natasha couldn't have kids of her own which wasn't an issue so when you suggested it to her, she was head over hills with the idea.

Now here you are, jumping around in the bathroom with the stick in your hand, you felt so happy, the nights of crying that you would spend with Natasha holding you tight, overthinking that there was something wrong with you; No you were convinced there was something wrong with you even if Natasha reassured you that were wasn't, that doubt lingered.

Now it was time to tell Natasha, you was anxious because for the past year of trying, you saw that Natasha lost hope, she tried her best to hide it but you knew better. It did hurt you slightly but you hoped for the both of you.

You looked at your phone and there was no message from Natasha, she would usually message you saying she would come back home early but you knew her job, you both agreed that whilst trying for a baby, you wont work and if a miracle happens she will quit her jobs for the time being.

You sighed a little with disappointment at no message but at the moment you didn't care, you was pregnant which was something you always dreamed off, you have a perfect family and now that Natasha is in your life, you are more than sure that she is the only person you would want to do this with.

You practically spent all night waiting for her, she sometimes managed to even come the next day home or even after three days but you didn't care, you would go to them if that meant telling Natasha first, it would be hard to keep the excitement in front of the team.

The front door opened as you jumped up and waited with a sad smile across your face, which was the first thing Natasha noticed when she walked through the door, she rushed to your side as she dropped her things.

"What's wrong?" Her eyes scanned your body for any injuries but when she noticed nothing wrong, she asked again "Is everything okay, Моя любовь (my love)"

You looked at her, even though you wanted to prank her, you couldn't keep it in anymore. You smiled widely which only confused the Russian "Y/n?"

You placed your hands on the back of her neck and she placed her hands on your hips, pulling you slightly closer. You pulled her into a kiss and instantly slipping your tongue inside her mouth causing a sigh to escape the redhead.

Her hands landed on your ass as she squeezed them but felt something in your back pocket, she frowned as she pulled the plastic out and pulled away from the kiss, staring into your eyes and finally looking down at the thing in her hands.

Her eyes looked up at you so fast as her heart started to beat so fast in her chest "Baby what is this?"

You smiled again but this time you actually spoke "I'm pregnant.."

The smile that you fell in love with, spread so eagerly across Natasha's face "Are you serious?" You nodded as you watch Natasha's eyes fill with tears.

She pulled you into a tight hug as she buried her face in the crook of your neck, you giggled slightly at her reaction, but hugged her back with the same affection.

"Finally, we are a complete family" She spoke against your neck.

"In secret?" You questioned her which she unglued herself from your neck.

She shook her head with a huge smile "No, not anymore, first thing tomorrow we will tell the team but for now I'm going to show you how much this means to me"

Before you could protest against that, she already had you pinned against the couch in the living room, you'll never get over the way she makes you feel.

⸻⸻⋙☸⋘⸻⸻

She was the woman of her word, she woke you up with breakfast and after that, the both of you made your way towards the tower, the team was already waiting as Natasha asked them to meet her there.

They all were pretty anxious to why the Russian wants from them at this hour, when the two of you walked inside, the first person who squeaked without you even saying anything was Wanda.

She run up to you and hugged you tightly but with caution, Natasha raised her brow perfectly at Wanda but shook her head when she understood what just happened. Wanda was your best friend and even if you didn't tell her about your secret relationship with Natasha, she always suspected something but never wanted to invade your privacy.

The team on the other hand were confused and that was very visible, Wanda let you go as Natasha took a deep breath and looked over at you with a small smile, then back at the team "Y/n and I have been in a relationship for the past 4 years"

Wanda squeaked again as the team stared at the both of you with the most dumbfound look anyone could witness, Natasha continued "And we are expecting-"

"What!" Steve stood up and raised his eyebrows as he looked from you to Natasha.

You felt a little shy as you looked at Natasha, she knew Steve had a thing for you, he would always try to ask you out but Natasha always discouraged him so he ended up leaving you alone.

He stood up "The amount of times you told me she wasn’t interested! You never asked her because you been screwing her"

You looked at Wanda who narrowed her eyes at him so you spoke up "What are you talking about?"

He looked at you with a soft gaze "Y/n I have been trying to take you out on a date for couple years"

You narrowed your eyes at Natasha when she looked over which made her look away quickly, you looked back at him "Why did you ask Natasha to do it for you?"

Natasha looked at you confused a little, making him speak up "I tried but when I did, she simply said you never was interested in relationships"

You looked over at her again with a small smile "Well she was right, it was her who I always been interested in.."

Natasha had a smug smile across her lips, he huffed in irritation and walked out, leaving the rest of the team to react opposite to him, they all gathered around, congratulating the two of you, Tony even promised to buy everything for the child which you were very grateful for.

You looked over at Natasha, and hugged into her side as she spoke to her team, you closed your eyes at the sound of her laughter, she landed you a kiss on the forehead, making you look up at her with a smile as her hand rubbed your back.

She was the family you always have wanted...

[chloelucia13]

Chapter 16: The Sauna Test

Pairing: Jonathan Byers x Henderson!reader

Prompt:  You always thought Hawkins was the most boring town of all, stuck in a vacuum void of excitement and entertainment. Well, it seems that way until the world decided to flip upside down, literally.

Chapter summary: Eleven, Max, Nancy, and Jonathan had all grown more suspicious of you and Billy after what El and Max had seen, but when everyone gets separated, the monster decides to rear its ugly head in more ways than one.

Word Count: 3352

Warnings: some angst, some fluff, some action finally (in more ways than one!!), a lil bit of cheating, language, pretty normal stuff

A/N: And we're finally getting somewhere with the Jonathan and reader plot line!!! I hope you all enjoy the chapter, and as always, my ask box and requests and tag lists are open babies! Love ya!

Tags: @just-my-fandom @nightbu-g

El couldn't let go of what she'd seen.

You being with Billy was weird enough and its strangeness had already burrowed under her skin, making her squirm. But the way you were acting, what she had seen that night when she was messing around, it wasn't right.

But what she had seen of Heather had made her downright disturbed. Sure, Billy was an asshole and she knew not to be around him, but he wasn't a murderer... right?

"Hey, there's nothing to worry about anymore, okay?" Max told her, noticing the way that El had gotten lost in her worried thoughts.

El gave her a doubtful look and let out a huff. "It doesn't make sense," she grumbled.

"What doesn't make sense?"

"Heather. The blood. The ice... Y/N."

"Heather had a fever, so she took a cold bath, but she's better now. And Y/N is probably trying to make Billy a better person or something. That has to be it. I don't know where that blood came from, but... we saw her. We saw them both. They're totally fine."

El stared at the wall, her brows furrowed. "What about Billy?"

"What about him?"

"He seemed wrong."

Max chuckled. "Wrong is kind of like his default. But it's nice to know he's not a murderer, because that totally would've sucked. Hell, maybe he seemed different because Y/N's making him better."

The two girls chuckled, and the conversation fell silent.

***

As soon as panicked panting sounded in the next room, Heather rose to her feet and walked over to the two people you held captive. Heather's parents.

You and Billy watched from afar as she spoke to her father, neglecting his pleas before stepping away and allowing you and Billy to replace her spot. Billy knelt in front of Janet as you knelt in front of Tom, both of you instructing them to stay still.

Simultaneously, you both rose to your feet and the three of you walked up the metal stairs. As you ascended the stairs, you could hear their pleas become drowned out by the guttural growls and snarls.

***

The next morning, you had awoke with a heavy pit in your stomach.

The image of Heather's overtaking was still etched behind your eyelids, and though you hadn't witnessed the other overtakings, you imagined that they occurred very similarly.

But the screams. You could never ignore the screams.

Silently, you slipped out of your bed and walked into the kitchen, pulling the freezer open and staring blankly.

The pint of strawberry ice cream from Scoops still sat there, perfectly untouched.

God, you wanted to sob. You wanted to scream. You wanted to go back to when your life was normal- well, more normal than this. Than being fucking possessed by this strange creature who was dragging you through hell.

You wanted to see your brother and his friends again. You wanted to see your friends again. Steve and Robin and Nancy and Jonathan.

Jonathan.

You were mentally kicking yourself, realizing that you spent the past six months avoiding him and now you don't know if you'll ever see him again.

You closed the freezer and scrubbed at your face, only to realize that tears had soaked your cheeks. Quickly, you swiped away the tears and rushed back to your room, not wanting to risk getting caught by your mother and having that creature take over once more.

After locking the door behind you, you curled up on your bed and pulled the blankets over your body. Maybe if you slept, you wouldn't have to deal with all this pain and guilt.

Just as you were drifting off, the doorbell rang. Immediately, your anxiety shot through the roof, and you contemplated not answering the door, but then the doorbell rang once more. You took deep breaths and slowly creeped out of bed, unlocking your door and leaving your room before stepping up to the front door.

Peering through the peephole, your heart sunk to your feet when you saw who was outside. Jonathan stood there awkwardly, his head bowed and his hands in his pockets.

You began to slowly walk away from the door when Jonathan began to speak, his voice traveling into the house. "Y/N?" he called out. "Are you home? I drove by the pool and you weren't there. I just... I was wondering if we could talk?" He sounded stressed, maybe even upset.

Your emotions took over, and against your better judgement, you pulled the door open. You watched as his eyebrows rose in surprise at the fact that you actually opened the door. "What's wrong?" you hummed. "I thought you had work today."

He chuckled, awkwardly scratching the back of his neck. "Yeah, that's uh... That's part of the issue," he coughed out. "Can I come in?"

You nodded, stepping to the side and allowing him to come inside before you shut the door behind him. Afterwards, you stepped next to him and the two of sat down on the couch. "So, what's going on?"

"I got fired. Well, Nancy and I got fired."

Your brows knitted together in confusion. "Fired? How? I thought you were doing amazing at the post!" You tucked your legs under yourself and turned to face him directly.

"I was, and I really liked it there! But..." He let out a sigh. "Nancy had answered a call a few days ago from this old woman, saying that all of her fertilizer was going missing."

Sounds like a newsworthy story," you teased.

"Hey, it's serious!"

You held up your hands in surrender, but a giggle slipped past your lips. "Sorry, sorry. Continue."

He let out a playful huff, a smile cracking at the corners of his mouth. "Anyway, she realized that the fertilizer was going missing because there were rats in her basement that were eating it and the rats... They were getting sick, or something." He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. "Nancy and I went to investigate, and we didn't ask any of the higher ups because we knew that they would tell us that it was stupid. We went, and we realized that she was telling the truth. The rats had eaten whole bags of fertilizer."

"Okay, hold on, you said the rats were different? In what way?"

He shrugged, shaking his head. "I have no idea. It was like they were feral, diseased." He let out a sigh before continuing. "We went back to work the next day and Nancy told everyone about what we saw. Like we expected, everyone just thought we were being stupid. That she was some paranoid and lonely old woman who sucked us into one of her many conspiracy theories so she could spend time with somebody."

Jonathan paused, lost in thought with a deep line set between his brows. Silently, you reached forward and smoothed the line with your thumb, brushing some hair away from his face at the same time. "So you got fired because you followed a potential story?"

He shook his head. "We went back last night, and we found her in her basement. She had eaten the fertilizer, along with a whole bunch of chemicals that we found around the house. She was screaming about how she had to go back." He stared silently at the carpet. "Luckily, the ambulance was able to stabilize her and she's safe at the hospital."

You could tell how much guilt he was harboring, how heavy everything weighed on his shoulders. You rested your hand on his shoulder and squeezed, earning a small smile from him. "You saved her, Johnny. I don't think there's anything you should feel bad about."

A sigh left his lips. "Tom thinks that we abused his trust, and we fed into her delusions. So he fired us."

The mention of Tom gave you flashbacks to last night, but you quickly smothered them and instead gave Jonathan a sympathetic look. "I'm sorry."

"I drove Nancy home, and we... we got into a huge fight about everything that happened. About how I needed that job and she didn't, and she fucked it up for both of us. I-I said some things I didn't mean, but..." He returned his gaze to you finally. "I'm just hurt and guilty and confused about how I feel at the same time."

"Well," you sighed, letting your hand drop from his shoulder to his hand, linking your fingers with his. "I know that you both did what you think was right, and I know that you both were so concerned about this because you've seen things that make you worry that it could be something... Out of the ordinary." You scooted a bit closer, looking him in the eye. "But I also know that maybe you let Nancy drag you into this big mess, and you blame her for everything that happened. But Nancy has been going through her own problems, and maybe she felt that she needed to prove herself and her judgement was clouded by that."

He was silent for a moment, letting his eyes search yours as he looked for the words to say. "I should call her. Apologize to her."

You sighed. "Maybe. Or maybe you should let it sit for a bit, make sure you have all of your emotions lined up, because I know you both get a bit hot-headed when you're defending your actions."

He chuckled at that, his eyes dropping to your linked hands and gliding his thumb along your knuckles. "Y'know, Max and El came up to me yesterday, and they said they were looking for you. That they were worried about you."

You resisted the urge to stiffen, instead taking a deep breath and trying to stay calm. "Really?"

He nodded. "Yeah, they said that you were being really weird. That you were even hanging out with Billy. It even freaked me out a little bit. I... I guess that was part of the reason I came here, to talk to you. I wanted to make sure you were okay, and now I feel stupid for even worrying."

Please don't feel stupid. Listen to that gut instinct. Please.

"I mean, it definitely is a little stupid," you teased, nudging his shoulder. "I think those girls just have a bit of an overactive imagination. I'm just fine. Just normal old me."

"Thank god for that," he added, a full smile finally spreading across his face.

You returned his smile before rising off the couch. "Do you want something to drink or eat?"

He shook his head, also pushing himself to his feet. "No, I should probably get going. Thank you, though."

You nodded, walking him to the door and opening it for him. "Of course. Thanks for checking up on me, Jonathan, even if I didn't need it."

He stepped out the door and stood on the porch for a moment, eyes flitting over your face. "I missed you, Y/N."

A small sigh left your lips. "I missed you too. So much. Stay in touch, okay?"

He nodded. "Okay. Bye, Y/N."

"Bye, Johnny." With one final wave, you closed the front door.

***

After seeing Jonathan that morning, you had felt a sort of urge to see him again, a magnetic pull towards that boy who broke your heart.

You knew it was dangerous to see him, not only because he was now in a committed relationship with your friend (though after what he told you had happened between them, you wondered if that label would last), but also due to the fact that you had no idea when this creature controlling you would make you snap and do god-knows-what.

So you locked yourself in your room once more, staring at the ceiling as you laid on the floor and attempted to will this horrible longing feeling away.

To no one's surprise, it didn't work.

Your next idea was to go spend time with Steve, hoping that maybe he would talk some sense into you. You threw on a pair of jeans and a sweater and drove to the mall in the sweltering heat, not wanting to risk letting your skin bubble and sizzle under the sun like BIlly's had.

But of course, neither Steve nor Robin were working, and no one had heard from them.

Under normal circumstances, you would be worried about their wellbeing, but you frankly had too much on your mind concerning your own wellbeing that you didn't fret about it. Instead, you ordered a pint of strawberry and a pint of mint chip from the boy at the counter and hurried out of the mall.

Before you could even stop yourself, you had pulled up (in the

car you had finally gotten fixed) onto the rocky front yard of the Byers' house.

With a few mumbled profanities towards your impulsiveness, you grabbed both pints of ice cream and stepped up the front porch steps that creaked under your feet. You knocked at the front door and shifted awkwardly, turning slightly to glance at the setting sun.

"Y/N?"

You turned around to face Jonathan who stood at the door, now dressed in an olive green tee shirt and a pair of jeans. "Hi!" you hummed, smiling brightly.

"Hi," he chuckled, mirroring your smile. "What are you doing here?"

You shrugged, brushing past him and walking into the house. "I thought you might still be feeling down about today, so I wanted to bring you some ice cream. You still like mint chip, right?"

His eyes followed your figure as you walked into the kitchen and grabbed two spoons for the both of you. "Uh, yeah. Thanks...?"

You finally stopped moving for a moment to take in his confused state. With a sigh, you sat down on the couch, placing the ice cream and spoons down on the coffee table. "And after seeing you today, I realized how much I missed spending time with you. I guess... I guess I just wanted to see you again and catch up."

His look of confusion slowly melted into one of comfort and slight melancholy. "I missed you too. I'm glad you came over." We walked over and sat on the couch, his leg bumping into yours. "And I'm glad that you brought me ice cream."

You nudged his shoulder with yours, giving him a beaming smile. "You're lucky I remembered your favorite. I was just about to get some only for me."

He shrugged, a smile tugging at the corners of his lips. "I don't mind sharing."

"I do!"

He laughed, resting his head on your shoulder as his shoulders shook with giggles. You laughed with him, but you were acutely aware of how close he was to you.

As your laughs died down, the two of you opened your individual pints of ice cream and began to dig in. "Have you talked to Nancy yet?" you asked before shoveling a spoonful of ice cream into your mouth.

He shook his head, letting out a sigh. "Not yet. I'm taking your advice and letting everything settle for a bit," he replied, leaning back on the couch. "I just... our argument made me realize a lot."

"Like what?" you mirrored his position, leaning back on the arm of the couch.

"I mean, I knew that we both came from different backgrounds and we would never agree on some things, but..." He poked his ice cream with his spoon. "I guess I never realized that though we've spent so much time together, she still has this idea that everyone has it as good as she does. That people can just throw away something that doesn't fit them perfectly because they have the money to do so." He lifted his eyes from his ice cream and up to you. "And maybe I'm narrow-minded too, spending time with other people who knew what it was like living without a lot of money."

You frowned as he spoke, slowly leaning forward to set your ice cream and spoon down on the coffee table. "Do you think that it could... hurt you guys in the long run? Knowing what she sees about the whole situation?"

He set his ice cream down as well, pulling his feet up onto the couch and crossing his legs. "I-I don't know."

Silently, the two of you searched each other's eyes with baited breath, a million thoughts racing through your head.

It was at that moment that your judgement took a back seat, and you felt that inky fog lurking in your mind.

You leaned forward and pressed your lips to his. He let out a hum of surprise, but he made no move to pull away from you. Slowly, you moved your hands to the back of his neck and scooted closer to him so you didn't have to crane your neck. You huffed out a sigh of relief as his hands finally rested on your cheeks, his shoulders beginning to lose their tension as he finally relaxed into the kiss.

Just as you were about to deepen the kiss, you felt the familiar surge of black course through your veins, your skin beginning to burn as black veins snaked up your arms and neck.

As the pull towards the creature grew stronger, your lips fell from Jonathan's and you fought the creature for control.

Jonathan gave you a confused look when you pulled away, but he quickly pushed himself away from you when he noticed the inky veins that adorned your skin. "Y/N," he gasped, his eyes wide with panic and fear. You immediately pushed yourself off the couch and rushed towards the door, only for Jonathan to lurch forward and grab your wrist. "Y/N, what the fuck is going on!"

You snapped your gaze to him, feeling that fog slowly take over your mind as you fought to stay awake. "Let me go," you begged. "Please, I don't want to hurt you."

"What?"

"Let me go, Jonathan!"

Your tone startled him, loosening his grip on your wrist just enough for you to slip away from him and out the door before the creature took control.

***

Jonathan began to pace back and forth a few minutes after... Whatever had just happened.

He knew those veins, those pitch black veins that flooded your skin. He saw them when he had to exorcise his own brother, and now another person he cared for so dearly was overtaken by that same creature.

When Will was fighting was controlled by that same creature, though, he didn't seem so... normal. Was it evolving? Learning?

That then made him question if it was even really you. Maybe it had learned your mannerisms, took advantage of the thoughts it had access to.

What if you didn't even want to kiss him, but that thing made you?

He shook the thought from his head. He knew you loved him, that you wanted to be with him. But he also knew that you wouldn't overstep since him and Nancy were still together, even though they had gotten in a fight.

But God, he'd kiss you again in an instant if given the chance.

With a huff, he sat back down on the couch and stared at the two half-eaten pints of ice cream, guilt and worry gnawing at his insides.

He needed to tell Nancy about what happened to you. Just not now.

***

You sat at the landing of the metal warehouse stairs, silently watching Heather patch up Billy's bloodied body as you thought back on what happened just minutes ago.

"The girl, was it her?" Heather asked, gently dabbing a damp cloth over Billy's shoulder.

"Yeah," Billy responded gruffly, his jaw set tight. "It was her. She knows now. She knows about me."

"Jonathan knows too," you voiced silently. "He saw."

He gripped onto Heather's wrist, stopping her actions. "She could've killed me," Billy continued, ignoring your statement.

"Yes. But not us," heather whispered. Silently, she turned to look over the rows of individuals you've sacrificed, people overtaken by the monster.

"Not us," you repeated.

[squadrablog]

ok I've joined the Ghiaccio hype train, could I request a Ghiaccio fic with a reader who doesn't like sudden loud noises and will definitely cry if you yell at them? they're really intimidated by Ghiaccio but they're comfortable with the rest of La Squadra, so he's struggling to be a good team member to someone who's always nervous around him. feel free to make it romantic or platonic, your writing is amazing!! 💕💕

Here you are! With the stuff I ended up focusing on I thought that shoehorning a romance in would feel weird, so I focused more on exploring the beginnings of a platonic friendship with him. Lots of awkward Ghiaccio and miscommunication but it all ends up good. :^)

Ghiaccio & Reader (platonic, gender neutral)

Ao3 Mirror Here.

Word Count: 3921

Warnings: Reader has childhood trauma w/ loud noises, not gone into in depth. Assassination job implied but doesn’t happen in text.

Under cut for length!

The last thing you saw yourself doing with your life was becoming an assassin, but here you were. You were a tough kid, scrappy and resourceful when it came down to it, but only because you had to be to get by. You always thought you’d eventually leave that old life behind. The gunshots echoing into the night from rival mafias squaring off to claim the neighborhood you lived in as their territory. The shouts from the man who took you in when you had nowhere else to go, only to berate you when you failed to pick enough pockets to meet his quotas. The way the older and meaner children would torment you, taunt and deride you, whenever you let your vulnerability show.

And you had, more or less, left those parts of it behind at least. When you joined Passione as a last ditch effort to survive you were given a sense of stability that you had never had before, and after initiation when your stand manifested as something powerful and deadly, it didn’t take too long for you to get placed into La Squadra di Esecuzione, Passione’s team of elite assassins. 

As a stand user working with other stand users you rarely relied on guns to get your work done. You were no longer struggling to get by, and although your new Capo held his team to high standards he made sure you had ample training and was patient with you while you were still getting your footing. All your teammates were surprisingly supportive; even if they were wary of outsiders, when it came to their own family they looked out for each other.

It was a dangerous life, not without its own anxieties, but it was a much quieter life. It was a life in the shadows, with a roof over your head, with work that allowed you to use stealth and silence. Even if you couldn’t exactly say you were thrilled about being an assassin you were at least surrounded by people who genuinely cared about you now, watched over by a man who never raised his voice at you for things outside your control, and most comforting of all: you never needed to use a gun.

Not all loud noises set you off, just the ones that reminded you of the violent instability of your childhood and the cruelty of your guardian and peers. Your new teammates could get pretty noisy and spirited, but the boisterous and jovial nature of their laughter, even from their more intense teasing, was a comforting change of pace. You didn’t doubt your value or the fact they respected you.

Well, mostly. There was one teammate who was a bit harder for you to let your guard down around.

His name was Ghiaccio, and to say he was loud would be an understatement. When you first met him he had been a bit standoffish, but so were Risotto and Prosciutto. You knew it would take some time for everyone to accept you as a real part of the squad, and you were ready to be patient. But as you quietly observed everyone for those first few weeks, getting a feel for their individual personalities and their dynamics with each other, you found yourself very intimidated by Ghiaccio. He was able to pal around with the rest of them, even if he was gruff as a default, but when something upset him it was like a switch had been flipped.

He was critical of his squadmates’ performance out in the field, and he never hesitated to offer his critiques regardless of how little anyone wanted to hear them. He was critical of the way people talked, constantly nitpicking everyone’s pronunciations and word choice. He was critical of the way that chores around the house got done, judging everyone’s efforts by timeliness and thoroughness.

Everyone was able to brush him off most of the time without problem. When they actually valued what he had to say they never seemed to take the mean way he said it personally. They’d had plenty of time to get used to him and sift through the bullshit. They knew when something actually mattered to him and when something was just him blowing off steam for the sake of it. They knew when it was fair to ask him to shut up and when it was best to let him get it out of his system.

You steeled yourself as best as you could in those first few weeks, just telling yourself you needed some time to understand his quirks like the rest of your squad did, but your opinion changed immediately after your first mission with him.

“Is Prosciutto teaching you anything?” he barked out at you after you two finally managed to take out your hit. You flinched and looked away from his intense gaze. You were a bit anxious about being alone with him for the first time, and you wanted to give him your best effort to impress him, but being on so on edge caused you to make some big mistakes.

“Well?” he demanded when you said nothing. You had assumed it was a rhetorical question.

“Y-yes?” you stuttered out.

“Then you’re the one accountable for fucking up today. What the hell was that?” he asked, his question ending in something similar to a snarl.

Something that was different about working with Ghiaccio as opposed to working with the others was that he argued out loud to no one in particular about random topics that pissed him off. At first you thought he was expecting you to talk to him about how nonsensical some phrase was that Formaggio used before the two of you left, and you listened attentively, but he never gave you any room to respond. Eventually you realized he wasn’t really conversing, just yelling to yell. It was very distracting and it only made you fidget and lose focus.

“I… well…” you choked out. “It’s usually quieter… on my missions, since my stand is- well, since my stand is made for stealth and-”

“Me talking prevented you from doing your job correctly?” he asked, his eyes narrowing. You just shrunk even deeper within yourself. The last thing you wanted to do was insinuate your mistake had been his fault. There was no way that wouldn’t provoke his ire.

“N-no! You didn’t do anything wrong! It was me, I’m really sorry! It won’t happen again!” you squeaked out.

“Better not,” he grumbled sarcastically with a huff before turning to walk down the street towards his car. You followed, keeping a good distance behind him, not looking forward to the ride back to the base.

---

That had been weeks ago. While you had been doing a decent job at tolerating Ghiaccio before that mission, afterwards was a different story. You actively avoided him, checking if he was in rooms before entering, excusing yourself when he came into a room you were already in, shutting yourself in your room upstairs when you heard him start up on a rant somewhere on the main floor.

Eventually it was shamelessly (or perhaps shamefully) obvious to just about everyone.

“Dude, what happened on your mission with them?” Formaggio asked in a hushed tone one time after your footsteps had disappeared up the stairs. “They’re terrified of you.”

“How the fuck should I know? They haven’t said anything to me about it,” Ghiaccio shot back.

“Uh, yeah, duh. That’s what I’m saying. They won’t even sit in the same room as you,” Formaggio muttered.

“Yeah, I’ve noticed,” he said, scrunching up his eyebrows. “But it’s not like they talk much to begin with.”

“Are you kidding?” Illuso interjected, inserting himself into his two teammates’ conversation, much to Ghiaccio’s annoyance. “I can get them to prattle on for hours about themself. They’re a real chatterbox once you get to know them.”

“Illuso, dude, have they told you the story about their mission with Pesci down at the wharf?” Formaggio asked with a big grin.

“Fuck, I almost forgot about that,” Illuso replied with a chuckle. “What about the time where-”

“Hey! Shut up for a second,” Ghiaccio snapped. “We’re all talking about the same person, right?”

Upon being interrupted Illuso narrowed his eyes at Ghiaccio before turning to Formaggio. “It’s obviously because of Ghiaccio’s poorly controlled rage. Have you ever seen the poor thing freeze up over a gunshot before?”

“No, but I can imagine. One time I tried scaring them from behind and it took them ten whole minutes to recover,” Formaggio responded.

“I haven’t done shit to them, what possible reason do they have to be scared of me?” Ghiaccio asked, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Well, what happened on that mission?” Formaggio asked again.

“It was pretty standard, I killed the bastard while they assisted. They did fuck up pretty bad, which is typical during training, so I pointed it out for their benefit. Then we left,” Ghiaccio recounted. “Nothing else happened.”

Formaggio raised an eyebrow. “What did you say?”

“I don’t know! I think I asked if Prosciutto was doing his job right since they didn’t seem too confident. I asked if there was anything that might have contributed to their lackluster performance, but after thinking it over they said that it was on them.”

“Sounds pretty level headed and analytical of you,” Illuso said, stroking his chin. “Are you sure that’s how you said it?”

“Probably not in so many words, I was probably more casual about it,” Ghiaccio grumbled. “Why does it matter how I said it? What’s important is what I said.”

“Ghiaccio, your brand of casual is a few decibels above what’s average,” Illuso said.

“Not to mention the casual expletives, or the casual sarcasm,” Formaggio added. “Are you sure you didn’t casually tell them to go fuck themself without realizing it?”

“No! I mean, if I was stern with them it was in the context of training!” Ghiaccio insisted.

“Are we being trained right now? Is that why you’re yelling at us?” Illuso asked with a smirk.

“This is just how I talk!” Ghiaccio said, bringing a hand up to his temple. “Ugh, I don’t fucking know! Maybe I yelled at them? I remember being very straightforward. They seemed kind of on edge, but I just assumed that’s how they always are!” He dropped his hand and turned to look at his two teammates. “Are they really not like that on missions with you?”

“Not anymore,” Illuso said with a shrug. “At first a bit, but they’re pretty reliable now.”

“You’ve got to go slow with them. They’re easily set off, but if they know they can count on you they’re able to push through it,” Formaggio said.

“My stand is invincible and I never even let the guy near them. There’s no one better suited for watching someone’s blind spot than me,” Ghiaccio said with his hand splayed out on his chest.

“I mean, like… emotionally,” Formaggio said, scratching the back of his head. “If I was to put myself in their headspace I’d say they probably think you hate them.”

“I don’t hate them,” Ghiaccio spat loudly.

“Good! Now step two is letting them know that,” Illuso said, clapping a hand on Ghiaccio’s back, causing his glasses to slide down his nose.

Ghiaccio grumbled and pushed his glasses back up. He knew that things were weird between the two of you ever since your mission, but it never even crossed his mind it was because of something he said. Is this what Prosciutto felt like training Pesci? But even Pesci had never been avoidant or scared of Prosciutto for all the tough love that he gave him. Pesci looked up to him like an older brother.

If he was really the only one in all of La Squadra that you were uncomfortable around, then he supposed it was on him now to figure out why.

---

The base was pretty quiet today, with a lot of missions landing on Risotto’s desk this week. While you were quite fond of your new teammates you liked having the common area all to yourself on a quiet evening, especially if you were curled up with a novel. When you first started living at the base it felt like a luxury, but even after you had gotten used to the quiet its novelty hadn’t worn off for you.

The sound of a key jingling at the front door had you peeking over your book. When Ghiaccio appeared framed by the living room entrance you held your breath. Hopefully he’d be going upstairs… no, it looked like he was coming into the common area. That’s okay, you could move, so you started standing up, except… he was looking right at you, heading in your direction.

“Sit down,” he said stiffly, and after a beat he added, “Please?”

“Uhh! Okay!” you said, sitting back down and bringing your book right back up to cover your face.

“Can you also, uh. Please. Put the book down?” Ghiaccio said, his voice strained to maintain a monotone and flatten out any inflection. You did as he asked, although you still couldn’t meet his eyes, and he just stared at you awkwardly.

“Uh-”

“Hello,” he said, and it left his mouth at the exact same time your muttered exclamation had. Another awkward pause.

“Hi?” you said, unsure. This wasn’t what you were expecting from your next conversation with the man, for as long as you had postponed it. You thought he’d be demanding to know why you were ignoring him, or getting on your case about being too sensitive to handle his criticism on your last mission. Maybe that was yet to come?

“You are afraid of me,” Ghiaccio stated flatly. Then perhaps he realized he wanted to ask it as a question. “Yes?”

“Oh, no, I’m…” you muttered.

“Of course you are,” he said quickly, cutting you off before you could mumble out an excuse. You got pretty embarrassed by that, but you swallowed and moved your eyes up to gauge his expression. He didn’t look angry, but he looked hyper focused to the point of distress. His lips were pressed together tightly as if he was trying to hold back from speaking again.

“I’m sorry,” you said.

“For being scared of me?” he asked, raising an eyebrow. He was being sarcastic again, wasn’t he?

“No, I… I mean… I’m sorry for,” you started, trying to think of something legitimate to actually be sorry about. “For fucking up on the mission.”

“Did fucking up on the mission really bother you that much?” he said. Not only were you stupid for fucking up the mission, but you were also stupid for letting it bother you for so long! What did he want you to say?

“No, I mean…”

But Ghiaccio cut you off with a long loud exhale. “Look, I’m not great at this kind of thing. I understand that I make you anxious, and I understand that for whatever reason it’s hard for you to talk to me, but I really can’t understand what people say unless they drop all the bullshit.” When you frowned and looked away he tried again. “Not bullshit, fuck, uh. No, not fuck... It’s just that. I need you to say exactly what you mean. I can’t tell what people are thinking unless they make it… easy for me.”

You looked back at him. Whatever he was here to talk about with you, he was trying very hard not to raise his voice. The way he was talking to you was too stilted to be anything but intentional. If he was doing this for your sake, then you would try to meet him halfway. You took a moment to think, to choose what you wanted to say carefully.

“I don’t do well with loud noises. I also… take things very personally. I’ve been worrying that you…” You took another second before committing. “...Hate me.”

He pressed his lips in a thin line again as some noise tried to escape his throat, perhaps an instinctive denial. “What about me makes you think that?”

“Well… you seemed pretty disappointed in me after the mission.”

“I was checking in with you. I wanted to make sure Prosciutto was properly training you.”

You raised an eyebrow. “But… but you sounded really angry and sarcastic.”

Ghiaccio closed his eyes and thought about that for a second. “I probably was angry, but not at you. You just fucked up on something so basic that I had to wonder if Prosciutto was actually teaching you anything useful.”

“That’s… not how you said it though,” you said, feeling defensive. “I… I know I did something dumb… but I’ve never messed up with my stand like that before. It was different on that mission.”

“Me talking to myself?” Ghiaccio asked. He had been fixating over what he said to you at the end of that mission for days now, trying to remember all the details. He recalled how you had started with one explanation, but you quickly retracted it.

“You were… so angry the entire mission,” you complained. “Everyone else is quiet on missions with me because my stand is better suited to it.”

“It wasn’t a stealth mission,” Ghiaccio countered. “We were using your stand for something different. I wasn’t even talking to you.”

“I know!” you groaned. “You weren’t trying to distract me, but when things get too loud I…”

“But you took it back. You said it wasn’t me,” Ghiaccio said, leaning forward. His voice had risen just a little, but when he noticed how you reacted to that he tensed up.

“I took it back because I was afraid of upsetting you!” you said, leaning back into the couch as far as you could. “Because when I brought it up… you were mean about it… so I took it back! I thought you were trying to tell me it was my fault, so I took the blame like I thought you wanted!”

“I was… I was asking for clarification! If I did something that caused you to fuck up then I want to know that I did so we can talk about it!” He was clenching his fists to keep his upward inflections from becoming full-blown yelling.

“None of that came across!” you complained. “Like… maybe you technically said those things, but the way you said made it come across completely different!”

“What about you? Now you’re telling me that you meant something completely different from the things you actually said to me!?”

“I-I… but I was obviously upset! I was obviously just trying to appease you!”

“How was it obvious? I thought you were upset because you fucked up! No one likes fucking up!”

“Yeah, no kidding!” You realized at this point that your own voice was starting to rise, which was making Ghiaccio raise his to match yours, and you took a deep breath before speaking calmly again. “I was upset because I was afraid.”

It was quiet again for a little while until Ghiaccio broke the silence.

“Being mean and angry comes really easy to me,” he said, running his fingers through his curls. “Even when I don’t realize it, I still am. Even if I think I’m being reasonable, people misunderstand. I’ve been so used to the others actually being able to take it that I forgot how bad it was.” He scratched at his head a bit. “I also have a hard time telling how loud I actually am until someone points it out.”

You sat there for a moment, soaking that in, before you gave a small amused huff with a half-smile on your face. “I’m not great with loud noises because of what they mean to me. Gunshots remind me of a time when I wasn’t safe… but I can protect myself now, and I have other people who will protect me too. But yelling reminds me of… how I was never good enough for anyone.” You tapped your fingers on the cover of the book on your lap and shrugged.

“I hear from the others that you’re really skilled and reliable on missions,” Ghiaccio said. “I didn’t see that from you when we worked together, but maybe that’s because I was the one who fucked up.”

“But you didn’t...” you started.

“I fucked up by not meeting you where you were at. You’re new. I don’t know you, I don’t know what you’re like. If we had talked beforehand, if I had worked with you, then you probably wouldn’t have made that mistake. I was taking the lead on that mission, it was my job to train you to use your stand in an unfamiliar circumstance. I use missions to get out all the shit that makes me angry, since I don’t need to stay quiet. You don’t work like that. You had no idea what I was yelling for. I never told you how I do things, I just expected you to brush it off like everyone else does.”

You blinked a few times. You had been pretty quick to blame yourself for your own shortcomings, but hearing him say that really recontextualized that entire mission experience.  You might have fucked up, but it was now obvious that he did not hold it against you. “That’s surprisingly self-aware of you.”

He rolled his eyes and set his elbow on the couch’s armrest, plopping his head on his fist. “You don’t know me either. I’m more than a raving heartless bastard. Stuff like this… not understanding why other people think the way they do, or what I’m doing wrong… it really fucks me up. I don’t hate you. You’re a part of my family now and I genuinely want to help you get stronger. I’m sorry if I hurt you.”

Ghiaccio was nothing like you thought. He was actually really sensitive and introspective. You could tell it was hard for him to confront you like this, almost as hard as it was for you to be confronted. You appreciated that he wanted to put in the effort to have a relationship with you.

“Thank you Ghiaccio. And I’m sorry I avoided you instead of trying to talk about it like this.” You reached over and placed your hand on his shoulder with a gentle smile. He seemed taken aback by the contact, but he relaxed after a moment.

“Are we… good?” he huffed out.

“I think so!”

He let out one long exhale that seemed to go on forever. “Thank fuck,” he muttered, before turning to look at you. “Goddamn it, sorry.”

“It’s not the swearing that bothers me,” you clarified. “It’s the intention behind it. You’re… uh… fucking good, my dude.”

He let out a snort at the awkward way you said that before bringing his hand up to cover his face, looking away in embarrassment.

“Aw, no, that was cute,” you assured him, which only made it worse.

“Well, if we’re done here then I’m heading to bed,” he said, and you glanced at the clock in the living room. It had gotten pretty late. He stood up and started walking towards the stairs.

“We have a mission together again this weekend, right?” you asked, and he looked at you over his shoulder.

“Yeah,” he confirmed.

“I’m looking forward to it,” you said with as much enthusiasm as you could muster. And you meant it. “Goodnight!”

“...Night,” he said, before he disappeared around the corner.

[apexqueenie]

I’ve Missed You (Shoto Todoroki x Reader)

Warnings: Swearing, A N G S T

Hey everyone! I’m super excited to post the first request I’ve gotten by @bubblegum-bnha

Thank you all so much for reading!! Enjoy da spiciness❤️

“Sh-shoto,” you breathed, “again…?”

Shoto brushed his lips down your bare stomach, nuzzling against your soft skin. “Mmmmm why not?”

“Shooooooo-” you said as you playfully lifted his face off you. You looked into his dual colored eyes and smiled, happy to have such a wonderful boyfriend. “I have a patrol tomorrow and...I’d like to be able to walk you know…”

Shoto sighs in defeat and lifts his naked body off yours, shifting to cage your head in between his elbows. “You know I love you, right?” he mumbled, slowly lowering his face to yours.

You wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling him into a deep and slow kiss, a complete 180 from the rough and passionate one you were having ten minutes before. He pulled away, leaving you nearly breathless. “I love you so much more Sho” you smiled.

He smiled back and sat up, allowing you to get off the bed and retrieve your clothes scattered around the room. “Are you sure you don’t want to stay the night?” he asked.

You shook your head no. “don’t wanna get caught by your old man again, remember last time?”

Shoto grimaced, remembering the ugly encounter the three of you experienced just a month ago. Endeavor caught you both (fully clothed) on the front porch, Shoto planting kisses along your jawline. Furious that his son was ‘tarnishing the Todoroki household’, Endeavor forbade Shoto from leaving the house for an entire week. He would hate to imagine what would happen if he caught the both of you naked. Sho still lived with his father just like his big siblings Fuyumi and Natsuo. As much as he wanted to move out into a place of his own, he was only 18. His pride wouldn’t allow himself to borrow his father’s money for a house. Instead, he bides his time, saving whatever he can from his hero career.

“Good point” he said, getting up to put on his own clothes. He watched as you slid your arms through your jacket and opened the window. You turned around, giving your lover one last ‘I love you’ before sneaking down to the roof of the second story floor. Shortly after he saw your figure disappear into the darkness of the night, he closed his window and sighed, walking to his door to grab a glass of water downstairs. That plan went to shit as soon as he opened the door.

Endeavor’s large stature filled the doorframe, radiating a mixture of anger and disappointment. “Shoto,” he said, dangerously calm.

“Father,” he replied, unfazed, mirroring the same glare he was given.

Endeavor sighed, bringing a hand up to his face to pinch the top of his nose, “I thought I told you to stop seeing that girl?”

Uneasiness hit Shoto’sentire body. Did his father find out about the two of you sleeping with each other? Relax, Shoto thought to himself, he didn’t say anything about that yet.

“I had someone install cameras around the property for...safety reasons…” Endeavor said, but Shoto could see right through the lies.

Shoto’s face scowled up at his father, “And?”

“And, I saw her come out of your window, Shoto. I understand you two do a lot of hero work together, but I think she needs to-”

“She has a name” he hissed.

“She-”

“(y/n)”

Endeavor sighed, getting more and more frustrated with his son’s behavior. Ever since the fire hero became number one in Japan, he’s tried to become a better father towards his kids, talking to them, spending time with them, giving them the attention they should’ve had a long time ago. Still, he hasn’t forgotten about making his youngest son the greatest hero in Japan. The Todoroki family has high expectations from the public, and with the elder siblings having no interest in hero work, Shoto was the only one to continue the legacy.

“Fine, I think that (y/n) needs to spend less time with you” Endeavor grunted, crossing his arms.

“Less time with me?” Shoto scoffed, “Enji, you don’t control me-”

Enji, not father, Shoto has struck a nerve. Endeavor’s face erupted in flames in a clear display of dominance as he glared down at his son. “Do you even hear yourself Shoto? You’re lacking at your job again, almost letting a civilian die the other day! Why? Because you failed to take your eyes off her when there were people in danger, (y/n)’s a hero for Pete’s sake! She can save herself when a civilian can’t!”

“I-“ For once, Shoto showed his father genuine emotion. His father was right, he did do everything that was just said. The guilt of that mistake crawling back to the pit of his stomach. “I thought the place was clear of civilians-” he started.

Lie. He knew there was one left, and he assumed the lady would run, but she didn’t. She was frozen with fear.

“And now you make pitiful excuses for your behavior?” Endeavor narrowed his eyebrows.

Shoto looked down, unable to say anything else in return. He remembered encasing the woman in ice before the debri could fall on her, but he could only do that because you were there, frantically pointing to the frightened lady before dodging one of the villain’s attacks. If you hadn’t done that, well...he didn’t even want to think about that. There was no excuse for his behavior. He turned his back on the helpless to focus on you, and that itself might as well be a crime.

His father sighed and extinguished the flames, placing a hand on Shoto's shoulders, “I understand that you love her Shoto, but this isn’t the first time this has happened. That’s four times this year so far, I can’t let you get distracted so easily when you’re putting civilian lives in danger-” Endeavor paused, bracing himself for what’s to come. He didn’t want it to come to this, but he had been pushed too far, so he said it.

One simple sentence, just one, was all it took to throw his son off track completely.

Shoto slapped his father’s hand away and stepped back in and anger. “What?!?”

“Shoto-“ Endeavor started

Shoto’s left side was the one erupting in flames now. “No, no I will not…I-“

“Shoto, it has already been arranged. Your mother has agreed to the arrangement as well.”

“M-mom?” Shoto stuttered, his parents actually agreed on something? The flames died down as he bowed his head, his anger dissolving into guilt. If his mom, his number one fan, had taken notice, then he really is screwing up.

“Yes, Rei is...worried about you Shoto, everyone is”

Silence.

“Of course, she supports this relationship anyhow, foolish if you ask me-”

Shoto couldn’t hear the words, it was all gibberish. He tried to get upset at his father, like he used to be, but he couldn’t. He knew it was his fault. Ever since he met you on the field, your quirk nearly outdoing his, he couldn’t help but awkwardly ask for your name, asking for a date, asking for your love. He was head over heels with you, the fire from your relationship burning brighter than what could ever be created through his left hand. But it was burning too bright, blinding him from seeing reality, preventing him from doing his part to protect the lives of others.

Endeavor looked at his miserable son, feeling slightly guilty from bringing this upon him so quickly. “You leave in 2 weeks son, I’m sorry but, this is what we think is best for you” he said before walking away to give Shoto space.

Shoto sat at the edge of his bed wondering what the hell he was gonna do now.

***

In the blink of an eye, two weeks have passed, and he couldn’t bring himself to tell you. You were always smiling with him. He'd rather see that for two weeks than dampen your personality with his own problems...but that backfired on him once he realized he had to tell you at some point, and that had to be soon. This was his last day with you, and you both chose to walk in the park at night, enjoying the emptiness and the cool spring breeze.

“Shoooooooo” you whined leaning up against your boyfriend’s arm “talk to me, you’ve been so moody today”. Your beautiful eyes looked up at his tired ones, pleading for an explanation. He stared back with sadness, striking anxiety in you, but you waited, giving him time to collect his thoughts. You thought you were prepared for anything...anything but this.

“I’m leaving”

Your eyes widened, “what? Waiiit, you’re just joking aren’t ya-“ but you looked at him, and he was dead serious.

“You- you’re done with me?”

The mood shifted quickly, the cool air surrounding you both turning ice cold.

“What? No, I’m leaving for America in about two hours. I love you more than anything (y/n), and I would never leave you”

You looked down at your feet coming to a stop in the middle of the pavement. That piece of news was just as bad as the last. Emotions flooded your system as you tried to process his words. America? That’s so far away.

“...For how long?” You asked quietly.

“Four years” he sighed.

Four years

Your stomach dropped as you struggled to absorb that information. “Sho, why-?” You started, biting back the tears that threatened to fall.

Shoto pursed his lips, unable to look you straight in the eyes, “My family said I need to focus on being a hero, that our relationship- that I was putting lives at risk-“

“And you agree with them?”

“Yes (y/n), I-“

“And you hadn’t bothered telling me you were leaving Shoto? You kept this from me until the last fucking minute when we said we wouldn’t hide anything from each other???”

“I didn’t have a choice (y/n)-”

“Of course you have a choice! What? Now that your daddy’s the number one hero, you have to-”

“My mother said it too (y/n)!” Shoto yelled. He never yelled at you, and seeing you flinch like that broke his heart. He reached out to you, your figure slowly backing away from him. “I’m sorry baby, I-“

“No” you interrupted, tears falling freely from your eyes “no, I understand, if...if your mom wants you to go then, then you should go”

Shoto tried to grab your arm, but you were fast, and quickly ran aimlessly through the park, ignoring your boyfriend’s cries for you to come back. You ran for what seemed like hours until you realized you were at the city limits. Away from the pain, away from the sounds of the city, away from Shoto- but the guilt was there, gnawing at your chest like a parasite.

You should have stayed.

You should have told him you love him.

You should have said goodbye.

But you didn’t, you let your emotions take control, you let your anger get the best of you and now you’re paying the consequences.

You placed a hand on your stomach, wincing at the physical pain that was catching up to you now that your adrenaline was gone

You should have told him you were pregnant.

It was too late now. Still, you ran back to his house, ringing the doorbell impatiently for someone to answer the door. Fuyumi answered, hair messy from just waking up, glasses sitting crooked at the bridge of her nose.

“(y/n)?” she blinked.

You grabbed her shoulders, shaking her wide awake. “Where’s Sho?”

“You uh, you just missed him, he was looking around for you for as long as he could but dad dragged him off to the airport” she said, clutching on to her glasses.

Shit

You fucked up big time, now he’s gone.

“Dammit” you cursed, sinking to the floor. “Fuyumi… I didn’t get to say goodbye” You wiped the tears from your face, but they just kept falling, one after the other. “He told me but...but I freaked out and ran away and imjustsuchafuckindumbassandijustwantshototocomeback-“

“Hush hush, let’s get you inside first before you catch a cold” she said, urging you inside. She made you tea and listened to you ramble on about Sho for nearly an hour. You really loved that idiot. After you calmed down a bit, she grabbed a hoodie from his room, handing it to you neatly folded. “Here, he’d want you to have this”.

You took the hoodie, holding it close as you breathed in his scent. “Thanks…” you sniffed. “I’ll get out of your hair now Fuyumi, thanks for listening to me”

“Are you sure you don’t need a cab home?” she asked, grabbing her phone to call a Todoroki family chauffeur.

You waved your hands “ah no thanks, its ok, my house isn’t that far from here anyways.”. You got up and hurried to open the door before she could insist any further.

“(y/n)?” she said. You stopped, the door halfway open. “You’re welcome to stop by anytime for tea”.

You smiled and whispered a thank you before embracing the cool night air again and starting the walk home.

***

For four years, you kept your child secret, careful not to make it known to the public that you were raising Shoto’s child without him. After a year of “hero vacation” you resumed your hero work as normal, re-designing your costume to cover your stretch marks. The public didn’t need to know the drama. The last thing you needed were headlines all over the news that Shoto had ditched you and… for him to read those headlines in America and forget about his studies to rush back to Japan.

Your beautiful baby boy was born with bright turquoise eyes, with the right one later reflecting the same color as yours. His soft hair bright red, definitely a Todoroki family marking. The physical similarities to Shoto ended there, the rest were attributed by none other than you.

You watched in adoration as your son sat on the floor, playing around with the action figures he received from “uncle” Deku and “auntie” Ochako, the only two who knew your secret. They were a godsend, regularly helping out with babysitting when it was your turn to go on patrols. Honestly, you didn’t think you’d make it this far if it weren’t for them.

You were so lost in your thoughts that you hadn’t realized that your son had put his toys down and was staring right at you.

“Mama,” he said, “do I really have a dad?”.

Your eyes widened, astonished at how perceptive he is...just like Sho. No matter how many times you tell him the man in the pictures is his father, it doesn’t change the fact that he isn’t here in the flesh.

You slid off the couch to join him on the floor, pulling him gently onto your lap. “Baby, of course you have a dad-“

“-where is he?” He interrupted, looking at you with wide eyes.

“He’s….he’s not here right now baby, but you’ll see him some day” you replied, giving him a soft squeeze.

He pouted, “you always say that mama”

“I know, but it's true. You wanna see videos of him again?”

His eyes lit up. He loved watching old YouTube videos of Shoto’s hero work, amazed at how he used both fire and ice to take down the villains threatening the city. He excitedly made his way to the computer, both his Deku and Uravity figures forgotten on the floor, to watch his favorite hero in action.

Dinner was approaching in about an hour or so and you needed to quickly get some grocery shopping done. Just fifteen minutes or so, he’ll be fine right?

“Alright, I’m going to go get food ok? You sit here, understand? No opening the door for anyone except me, ok?”

“And papa?” He asked, eyes still glued to the screen.

You looked back at him, the door already open “sure honey” you smiled, and closed the door, locking it from the outside.

Your shopping trip took a little longer than expected due to the long lines, and overall, it took you about half an hour to get back home. You were planning to make cold soba, your son’s favorite. Plain and simple, yet it put a smile on his face every time. You hummed to yourself as you unlocked the door to your house, no longer hearing the blaring sound of combat from the computer. Your son must be tuckered out, possibly asleep on the desk.

You opened the door, preoccupied with your thoughts and the groceries to notice your son wasn’t passed out like you thought. “I’m home” you said, slipping off your shoes.

“Mama! Look!”

You looked up, expecting to see a giant mess of toys instead when you saw-

“Sho…?” You breathed, unable to believe your eyes.

There he was, dressed in just a plain grey sweater, jeans, and the same old haircut he had four years ago. Despite all this, he was noticeably brawnier, his muscles becoming more defined underneath his clothing. You didn’t think it was possible for him to get even more handsome than he already was, but here he is. He looked up at you with the same look of awe as he sat next to your son, cross legged on the floor with the Deku action figure in one hand.

“It’s papa!” Your son exclaimed excitedly, running over to give your leg a hug.

You reached your hand down to give your son a pat on the back, not taking your eyes from his dad. “Sho, how in the world-“

“Uh, sorry for intruding but, Midoriya sent me your address earlier. Apparently, I’ve been sending letters to an empty mailbox for quite some time now” he smiled sheepishly, pulling out a stack of envelopes from his book bag next to him. “Are you...wearing my hoodie?”

So he has tried to contact you. You thought all along that he’d forgotten about you, that he found some beautiful American girl while he was out there. Relief washed over you until another question nagged at the back of your mind. He had a phone didn’t he? You opened your mouth to say something, but it was like he could read your thoughts.

“Sorry I wasn’t able to call you, they didn’t allow phones in this school. After all...” he shrugged, “my father obviously had to pick the most prestigious hero program in America”.

Your son’s eyes lit up, “America? Papa, I wanna show you a thing!” he said before scrambling off to his room.

“Sho…” you said as soon as your son left, your voice cracking a bit with tension. You dropped the bag you were carrying and took small wobbly steps towards your lover. He sat up on his knees, arms wide open to catch you as you lunged forward, wrapping him up in a giant bear hug. You couldn’t hold back any longer and let your tears flow, quietly sobbing Shoto’s name in the crook of his neck. He rubbed slow circles on your back as he gripped you just as tightly as you held on to him. He pulled away moments afterwards to catch your lips in a sweet kiss, releasing all the pent up feelings you thought you could lock away deep inside your memories.

“I missed you so fucking much” he said. He rarely ever swore.

“Shhhhh, don’t teach our son how to swear this early” you smiled, pressing a finger to hush his lips.

Shoto sat back on his hunches, pulling you into a cradle with his strong arms, “so he really is ours huh” he said, bringing his hands down to your waist, “...I’m sorry I wasn’t here for him (y/n)...”. He looked straight into your eyes, reaching to squeeze your hand “I promise, I’m going to be here for him from now on, I’m not leaving you ever again.”

He kissed you again, deeper this time, as if he was afraid you were going to disappear. All those tears, all those years of anger and frustration, they all melted away as you two sat there, lost in your own world.

“Papa?” your son called. You smiled and got off Shoto’s lap, letting ‘papa’ stand up.

“We’re getting married next week, just so you know” he whispered in your ear before placing a kiss on your forehead and heading to see what his little rascal had to show him.

“About time” you mumbled with a grin.

[jawritter]

The Arrangement

Part 6

Summery: You are a young girl that was raised in a small church in Dallas, TX. One of the only churches left in the state that still practices arranged marriages. When your betrothed ran off to California you thought you'd escape the fate you were trained for ever since a small child. Now upon the death your parents your fate seemed to be inescapable as he's returned, and is ready to take you as his bride.

Book Warnings: Arranged marriage, loss of virginity, smut, unprotected sex, angst, language, suicide attempt, battles with anxiety, struggles with mental illness, age gap (about 11 years), I think that’s it, chapters will have warnings of their own!

Chapter Warnings: Nothing really, feels and tooth rooting fluff.

Word Count: 1897

A/N: This book is a book about Christian and church based arranged marriages, I would like to take this moment to say that I DO NOT have ANYTHING against the Chirstian faith, and mean absolutely no harm to anyone! Especially Jensen’s family! This is a complete work of fiction, and should be treated as such!

Beta’d by the amazing @deanwanddamons who was awesome enough to do all this for me! It was a lot of work, and she deserves all the praise for it!!

Pairing: Jensen Ackles x Reader

Want More? Check Out My Masterlist!!

***MASTERLIST***

***SERIES MASTERLIST***

Jensen's POV:

A loud crack of thunder woke Jensen up as it rolled overhead. He automatically tightened his grip on Y/Nl aying next to him, pulling her sleeping body closer to his in hopes of keeping the storm that was rolling outside from waking her.

She'd been through a lot, and as much as she tried to hide it yesterday, he was afraid all of yesterday's events had taken their toll on her. Even though he was thinking about driving back to Austin earlier than planned, he quickly saw last night that she was going to need some time to recover, even if she didn't want to admit it to him.

What was concerning him more than anything, were his own feelings that he was already developing toward the young woman laying soundly asleep in his arms.

He shouldn't already be feeling these things. Hell they'd only really just meet yesterday! He didn't understand why he worried over her so much, why every time she nuzzled closer to him in her sleep his heart would skip a beat. Why every time he kissed her, it felt like he could fly around the room.

If Jensen was to be completely honest with himself, he’d never been in love with someone, and he knew it. The marriage with Danneel was nothing but a PR disaster that took 10 years to fall apart. Every other relationship he'd ever had never lasted long enough for him to develop feelings for anyone.

Right now with Y/N nuzzled into him as close as was possible, he was pretty sure he was already falling head over heels for her. One thing he was certain though, was he'd never felt this way about anyone before.

Another roll of thunder overhead and you stirred in his arms. Jensen froze, waiting to see if you were going to wake up. When you didn't, he reached over and grabbed his phone to look through his messages. Five were from Jared.

He was concerned for him, and Jensen knew it, but this was something that he just had to do. He needed this. He needed someone that would be faithful to him, someone that could learn to hopefully love him,  not just use him to get whatever they wanted from people, and exploit his pocket book.

Every woman he'd ever been with had only wanted him for their 15 minutes of fame, or what he could buy them. They never really loved him.

Y/n, being raised as she was, didn't really care about the money, and she definitely didn't want to be in the spotlight. They were trained against it. Jared was lucky when he found Gen. Why didn't he deserve to find the same thing?

Your POV:

A loud bang of thunder followed by a  crack of lightning woke you up with a start. As soon as you jumped, Jensen tightened his arms around you.

"It's okay baby I got you." he whispered, pulling you impossibly close to his warm body while you tried to control your breathing. You had been asleep hard and honestly, had slept harder than you'd slept in a long time. Which meant it took a few minutes for you to catch up with your surroundings, and your current situation. 

You didn't know if it was from exhaustion, or from the fact that for some unexplained reason you felt safe in Jensen's arms. Safer than you'd ever felt in your life, that you just crashed last night. 

"What time is it?" you finally mumbled, laying there listening to the rain pound down on the roof and windows above the two of you. It was peaceful. The storm raging outside, the comfortable dark bedroom, and Jensen wrapped up as close as possible with you. It was the closest to heaven you'd think you'll ever get here on earth.

Even though you knew you shouldn't be feeling these things this early, you couldn't help it. There was something about Jensen that just made you feel complete, whole in a sense, especially after the loss of everything that was close to you.

"Little after 10, I say we just stay right here today sweetheart, you need to rest, you've been through a lot. Let's just stay in bed all day, and get used to just being with each other. There’s no rush to get back to Austin."

You couldn't help the stupid smile that plastered across you face. 

"That sounds great to me." you tell him, stretching in his arms a little as Jensen’s eyes shamelessly racked over what of your body that was exposed to him. Your body immediately protested against the movement, soreness racking through you. Jensen didn't miss the fact that you winced slightly.

"Let me go draw you a bath sweetheart, It'll help." Jensen said, he looked worried.

"You know I'm supposed to be the one pampering you, not the other way around. I didn't even wake up early enough to fix you breakfast this morning. So far I suck at this."

You really did feel like you'd failed. You couldn’t get used to the thought of him wanting to take care of you. You should have already been out of bed, breakfast fixed, and packed so that he could go home, instead of staying here another night, spending more of the money that didn’t belong to you.

You were always taught that it was your job as a wife to be a help mate, to cook, to clean, to make a comfortable home, to raise a family, all this to make your husband's life better. You were there to serve him. Not the other way around.

"Y/n, you do NOT suck at this. I don't need you to cater to my every whim. I'm a big boy, If I get hungry before you wake up I know where the kitchen is. You're not my slave you know." he said, running his fingers through your hair, before lightly grazing over your neck with his lips, his breath ghosting over your skin, causing an involuntary shiver to run through you.

You didn't understand why his touch affected you so, but it did. One small little gesture that he didn't even realize he was doing and you were putty in his hands.

"I just don't want you to be stuck with someone like me. Who not only is WAY  out of your league, but can't even get off her ass, and do what she is supposed to for you."

Jensen propped up on his elbow, looking at you like you'd popped out a third head. You shook your own head and moved to get out of the bed. His hand reached out, and grabbed your arm, pulling you as close to him as possible, before laying you both back down, and pulling the covers over you.

"What do you mean, 'WAY out of  my league?' You're not way out of  anything? I married you because I chose to. No one forced me, no one twisted my arm. I knew what you looked like before you even walked into the church yesterday. I was well informed on any, and everything that has gone on with you since I left for California. Baby you're not way out of my league."

Leaning down, he placed a sweet kiss to your lips softly, just barely moving his mouth over yours.

"Y/n, you and I are equals. I'm not any better than you are. I don't see myself as something you're not. I want us to be partners in this relationship. Like I said last night. I want a real marriage with you. Not just some arrangement of convenience. I'm not going to lord over you, or anything like that. I'm not going to expect you to walk around like my little slave girl, who's only job is to wait on me hand and foot and fuck me. Sorry, that's not what I wanted."

Leaning down he kissed you again, this time slipping his tongue through your lips without any effort at all, exploring your mouth lazily for a while before breaking the kiss again.

"Now, I'm going to go run you a warm bath, then I'm going to make us so coffee while you're soaking, then we're going to eat a shit ton of junk food, and watch Netflix all day while cuddling here in this bed.   Sound like a plan?” 

You couldn't help but giggle at his serious face, and those perfect, pink, pouty lips.

"Okay, okay..." you tell him, sitting up and watching him make his way toward the bathroom to start running your bath.

"And don't bother about putting  clothes on. You're not going to need them." he said, giving you a playful wink before disappearing into the bathroom. The sounds of water running erupted through the room.

------------------------------------------------------------------

A little over five hours and the only thing that had been accomplished was one very relaxing bath which did seem to help a great deal with your sore muscles, and several Netflix serious episodes, which you couldn’t even tell what was on the tv. Jensen kept your mouth busy with his like a couple of teenagers, hands exploring each other's bodies as you lay there, cuddled into each other, wrapped up as tight as you could physically manage.

To say the least this is not what you expected out of an arranged marriage, with all the horror stories and things you had heard. You expected something along the lines of a sex crazed, slave driver, that wanted nothing more than to pound you into the mattress, and have you wait on him hand over fist.

Jensen was the exact opposite so far. He was gentle with you, and he took his time with you. Even though you were lying there next to him, both of you completely naked, he never pushed you to sleep with him, never did anything to make you uncomfortable in the least. There was no rush. He was patient, and content just to lay there and kiss you.

You talked about everything you could think of. Childhood memories, things he's experienced over the last 10 years, what you expected out of life, what your dreams and goals were, what you both wanted in a home.

You both laid there like until long after the sun went down. 

You felt like you knew him a little better than you did when you met him at the church yesterday, and to be honest, you were already head over heels for him.

Every time he smiled, it damn near knocked the wind out of you. Your skin felt alive under his touch in a way you'd never experienced before. So far, Jensen had far surpassed his expectations. That, you were secretly thankful for.

Learning to do this with each other definitely wouldn't be easy, but you were confident that you were both talking a step in the right directions.

One thing you were sure of. You were already completely, irrationally, and  irrevocably in love with him. 

Hopefully you weren't going crazy, and he actually felt the same way. You'd never been a fan of love at first sight. You'd never believed it existed.

Right now, laying here wrapped up in his arms, you were starting to think maybe this whole marriage thing wouldn't be as bad as they talked about before.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tag List: @deanwanddamons​ @imabitch4jensen​ @rvgrsbrns​ @bi-danvers0​ @onethirstyunicorn​ @i-love-superhero​ @akshi8278​ @lyss-dw79​ @magssteenkamp​ @lemondropirwin​ @squirrelnotsam​ @hobby27​ @spnbaby-67​ @mrsjenniferwinchester​ @defenderrosetyler​ @screechingartisancashbailiff​ @thecreatiivecorner​  @aflamboyanceofgays @vicmc624​ @busy-bee-angel-misska​ @justanotherwinchester​ @brilovesdeanwinchester​ @idksupernatural​ @lyarr24​ @amandamdiehl​

[hopelikethemoon]

Care (Javier x Reader) {MTMF} [smut]

Title: Care Rating: Explicit  Length: 2300 Warnings: Angst, smut (shower sex, rough sex, brief fingering,  brief cockwarming, and brief thigh riding) and hurt/comfort, descriptions of bruises.  Notes: You can find everything about Maybe Today, Maybe Forever here. Set January 1995, a few days after “Trust”.  Summary: Reader tries to wash away the stress of the day. 

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January in Florida wasn’t terrible. Most days climbed to the low 70s, whereas Colombia used to rarely fall below 84 on a cool January day. 

It wasn’t the heat that had made sweat soak through your shirt. Fear had done it. Flop sweat, fueled by adrenaline. You weren’t just risking your life — you were risking a comfortable future for Josie and the potential to have a future with Javier. 

It used to be easy when it was just you. 

Now, coming home at two in the morning, fresh from a sting felt wrong. You’d missed dinner, storytime, and bedtime. It made you feel for all those nights Javier missed in Colombia.

The condo was dark when you finally made it home, save for the light spilling onto the hallway floor from beneath the bedroom door. 

You weren’t the least bit surprised that Javier had stayed up. He’d been displeased with your choice to follow through with the operation, but he hadn’t stood in your way either. He was probably a ball of anxiety, like you used to be when he was on assignment without you.

But before you crawled into bed with him, you needed a shower.

You flicked the light on the bathroom, ducking inside and shutting the door behind you. You looked like shit. 

Frizzy hair from sitting inside a humid car, skin flushed from stress, and bags under your eyes because you hadn’t actually slept well last night. 

You peeled off your shirt as you turned to get the water running, setting the temperature just right. As you suspected, there was a nasty bruise forming across your ribs. 

It had been a stupid mistake. 

You stared at your reflection, brushing your fingers over the blue, purple, and red bruise that was blossoming across your skin. It hurt like shit. 

The perp had taken you by surprise. You should’ve realized that roid-raging meatheads with brass knuckles would leave a mark. 

You unzipped your jeans, sliding them down your hips along with your underwear. There was another bruise forming at your hip — that had been caused by your own stupidity. You’d been so caught up in the action, you’d failed to see a rather large statue in the backyard. 

You untied your hair, tossing the hair tie on the sink, before you stepped into the shower. The hot water felt like bliss on your sore muscles. You stepped directly under the flow, tilting your head forward as you let it soak into your hair. 

The bathroom door creaked open and you lifted your head to watch Javier’s blurry form through the frosted glass door. 

“You’re home.” Javier stated as he shut the door behind him.

You stepped out from beneath the water, sliding the shower door open. “I thought you might’ve fallen asleep. I didn’t want to wake you up twice.” You told him, angling yourself so the bruise was obscured by the frosted glass. 

“How’d it go?”

“We got one of them,” You smiled a little. “I don’t think I’m going to join them for the next sting.”

He nodded slowly, “You open to company while you shower?”

“Always.” You hadn’t planned to discuss your bruises until the morning. But the thought of Javier joining you in the shower seemed like the perfect balm for the ache you felt.

You watched as Javier shed off his pajama pants and boxers. You loved your job — you really did. But you wanted to keep coming home to this. To him. 

Javier pushed the shower door open a little further as he stepped in to join you. His eyes went instantly to the bruise at your ribs, brows furrowed. “Baby—“

“Brass knuckles.” You explained before he had the chance to question you further. “Already got checked out by the EMTs. Just bruising. Nothing’s broken.”

He didn’t seem content with that answer. Javier stepped towards you, crowding you beneath the showerhead as he reached out to trace his fingers over the mark. 

“You could’ve broken your goddamn ribs.”

“I know.”

“Punctured a lung.”

“Mhm.” You set your jaw hard. “But I know what I’m doing, Javi. I handled it. He wasn’t expecting the knee to the balls.”

A wry chuckle escaped him, but his expression was still stormy. “If they’d called to tell me you were in the hospital…”

“But I’m not.” You shook your head as you reached out to run your hands over his shoulders. “I’m right here.”

Javier was tense. You could practically feel the tension radiating off of him, making your own anxiety roil in your stomach. 

It reminded you of Colombia — of the night Daniel was shot. Javier had been in a similar mood, only your positions had swapped. You had been at home, uncertain if you’d see him that night or at work the next day. 

You still remembered seeing him covered in blood and not knowing…

“Javier.” You breathed out, letting yourself be drawn to him. His hand curled around your hip, led by the natural pull. 

All of this inner turmoil needed somewhere to go. 

“Do you want this?” Javier questioned, water running down his cheeks as he leaned forward beneath the flow until his nose brushed yours. 

You nodded, cupping his jaw as he rose up on your toes and closed the distance between you. Your lips slanted over his, water droplets caught between your mouths as they moved together. Heat and desire lanced through you as he walked you backwards. 

Javier’s hand was caught between your back and the shower wall as he molded his body to yours. 

You reached down and curled your fingers around his half-hard cock, slowly stroking your fist over his length. 

Sex didn’t solve everything, but it was a great way to work through impassioned emotions. You knew he was at war — he’d fucked you thoroughly just a few nights ago. He was torn — he didn’t want you to put yourself into harm’s way, but he didn’t want to control what you did in your life. 

He supported you, even when he hated the situation. All you had to do was look at Colombia to realize he’d do anything just to keep you. 

You dragged your fingers through his dampened hair, scraping your nails over his scalp as your lips parted to welcome his tongue. You moaned as he ran it over the roof of your mouth, before sliding over your own tongue.

Javier rolled his hips, thrusting into your fist. His hand grabbed at you, brushing over the bruise at your hip. The tingle of pain and pleasure making your blood run hot. 

You bit down on his bottom lip, tugging at it as you pulled back, releasing it so you could catch your breath. “Yes.” You told him again as you met his gaze. 

He curled his arm around you, drawing you close as his other hand reached down to slide between your thighs. He parted your tender folds, his fingers teasing you as they sought out your center.

You inhaled sharply as he pressed two fingers into you, curling them almost instantly to seek out that sweet spot within you. You grabbed at his forearm to keep yourself steady as he stoked the need within you.

“I could’ve lost you,” Javier said roughly, pressing his forehead to yours. “I could’ve fucking lost you.”

Your nails sank into his arm as you tilted your head to kiss him again. There were no words to soothe that feeling. You’d been there before. 

His kiss was bruising. Rough, forceful, and desperate. Javier pinned you back against the wall, most of the water running down his spine as he sheltered you from it. 

“Look at you.” He drawled out as he pulled back just enough to watch his fingers working in and out of your cunt. “Are you going to let me fuck you, baby?”

You nodded quickly, “Yes.” You sank back against the wall with a breathy moan as he withdrew his fingers, bringing them to his lips. 

He licked them clean, his eyes locked on yours. “Turn around and face the wall.”

“Make me.” You countered, unwilling to go easy. Not when you were still raring for a fight. 

“Turn. Around.” He invaded your space. “Now.”

You smirked at him, “No.” You pressed your palm to his chest, pushing him backwards. “I’m finishing my shower.”

Javier backed down slightly, “Do you want to stop?”

You arched a brow, “Nope.”

He gave a short chuckle, “Trying to wind me up?”

“I’m looking for a bit of a tussle.” You retorted, pressing your tongue to the inside of your cheek as you met his gaze. “I’ve still got all of this adrenaline.” You gestured to your body. 

Javier scraped his teeth over his bottom lip as he sized you up, his gaze lingering on your breasts before reaching your eyes again. 

He stepped towards you, invading your space as he reached out to trace his fingers over your forehead, brushing the damp hair away. “Then I guess I ought to work all that adrenaline out of your system.” He drawled out, cupping your jaw as he locked eyes with you.

Your tongue darted out over your bottom lip and you inhaled slowly. “You know what I need, Javi.”

Javier nodded slowly, holding your jaw still as he leaned in to press a quick gentle kiss to your lips. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” You whispered in return, before he released your jaw, grabbing your hip instead as he manhandled you back against the wall once more. 

Once he had you pinned against the wall, he grabbed your hands and held them above your head. “Look at you.” He said lowly, cupping your left breast. With your hands above your head, they were put on display for him. “Fuck.”

You inhaled sharply as he slotted his knee in between your thighs, “Are you just going to tease me? Or are you going to fuck me, Javi?”

He pressed his leg more securely against your throbbing flesh, smirking as you rolled your hips, grinding against his leg. “And miss out on this?” He questioned as he leaned down and caught your nipple between his lips, swirling his tongue around the pebbled peak, before trailing kisses over the swell of your breast. 

His leg wasn’t enough, but it was friction and it still made desire pool heavy in your lower belly. You were wound up tighter than a spring and you had a feeling he might be able to set you off just by filling you. 

Fuck. He looked good. The water had soaked his hair, causing the edges to curl, stuck to his forehead and temples. You wanted to touch it, to delve your fingers into the damp curls, but his grip was tight like a vice. 

And his hard cock laying against his stomach — taunting you. You wanted him in you, so you could just let go and feel. 

He roughly palmed at your other breast, teeth joining his tongue as he teased your nipple. Every touch sent sparks of desire between your thighs, little flutters of pleasure washing through you.

“I miss it,” He admitted as he closed the distance between your faces, his lips brushing yours as he spoke. “We were good together in the field.”

You nodded your head in agreement, “We’re still good together.” You told him softly. “That’s what was wrong tonight. There was no you to rely on.”

Javier kissed you then as he reached down to urge your leg up. You knocked a bottle of shampoo off the little shelf where your foot landed — providing Javier with the perfect height and angle to give you what you needed.

He kept your arms pinned above your head as he slid into you and you struggled in vain to pry them from his hold. His cock felt like heaven and you clenched around him as he buried the length within you. 

“Fuck,” He hissed as he drew back. “You’re so fucking wet baby.” Javier’s hand tightened at your hip, right below where the bruise was. 

You trembled in his hold, there was no way you could help it. You were so keyed up, desperate to fight or fuck and he had stilled within you. You just wanted him to move — right up until the moment he did.

Javier withdrew and slammed back into you, driving the full length of his cock into you before repeating the action again. “Is that what you needed, baby? Is that what you want?” He questioned, lips close to your ear as he released his hold on your arms. 

He needed both hands to hold you steady as he fucked you and you needed your hands to claw at his back and shoulders. You needed to hold onto him. 

You came in a mere matter of thrusts and the rush felt electrified as he continued to slam into you, drawing out your release until he reached his own end. Your body clenched around him, milking every last drop of his release from him.

It was in those seconds as you both started to come down from your highs that some damn broke inside of you. You pressed your face into the crook of his neck and let the water wash away your tears. 

Everything had changed. You weren’t on your own anymore and you couldn’t run headfirst into danger anymore. The career you’d once dreamed of wasn’t achievable anymore, but you could make something of the one you had. 

You had a family now — one that meant the world to you, and you couldn’t just throw that away. 

Javier understood that and now you did too. 

Even after the water ran cold, Javier gently washed away the day, sweeping the washcloth over your skin, lathering up your hair, and helping you rinse the soap away. 

With the tears, exhaustion had followed. The inevitable adrenaline crash. 

Javier took care of you. Just like he always had. 

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 270: Harry Potter Rules

Previously on BnHA: Present Mic punched Ujiko in the face! It was awesome. I’m thinking about getting a tattoo of it. Meanwhile Endeavor saved Mirko’s life by setting her on fire (reason #15 why I will never become a superhero), and Aizawa did some sexy Spider-Man poses for our viewing pleasure while fighting the rest of these Noumus which are still annoyingly refusing to die. Anyway but back to Present Mic, the undisputed MVP of this chapter. Because you see, in addition to the punching, he also used his Loud Voice attack (literally the actual attack name; Horikoshi will steal all of my jokes and leave me with nothing) to smash open Tomura’s Noumutank! Which I really thought was going to immediately lead to Everyone Dying, but apparently I was wrong! Anyways so yeah, right now Tomura’s just lying down all heart-stopped and not-breathing. Which seems very anticlimactic, BUT I JUST HAVE THE CRAZIEST FEELING that maybe, just maybe, the super powerful villain lad who just spent the last three arcs slowly upgrading his bad self just in time to wage war on the world as the story reaches its climax, might not actually be dead though.

Today on BnHA: DON’T MIND THAT OMINOUS ORGAN MUSIC PLAYING IN THE BACKGROUND, IT’S NOTHING, IGNORE IT. Ahem. So first of all, as some of the bolder among us dared to speculate, Tomura is not, in fact, dead. He’s still very much kicking it with his nipple-less pecs and truffula tree hair, putzing around in his mental landscape filled with crumbled buildings and disembodied Theatrical Gesture Hands. For some reason he doesn’t have shoes or a shirt in his mental landscape, which was a very interesting choice on Horikoshi’s part, but we will speak no more of it. Anyway so to sum things up, Tomura’s family is all “TENKO WE LOVE YOU” and he’s all “oh hey” and then AFO fucking appears and he’s all “COME HERE MY BOY” which is exactly as creepy as you would expect, and for some fucking reason TOMURA ACTUALLY DOES COME HERE. And lol it turns out Ujiko gave him AFO. Like the quirk. Yes, that quirk. So long story short, Tomura is about to be possessed by AFO’s evil soul or some shit, and to put the cherry on top, fucking Deku out of fucking nowhere, MILES AWAY, is all “HE’S COMING.” Because of course he can sense it, because AFOFA IS REAL, AND FUCK ME THIS IS ALL HAPPENING TOO FAST, FUCK.

I know this chapter has been out since like 1pm, but I’m not getting to read it until 5 hours later because for once in my life I was trying to be responsible and actually get some work done on a Friday. I thought this might lead to less oh-god-I-still-have-to-get-that-done anxiety hovering over my weekend, but instead it just led to oh-god-I-have-to-get-the-chapter-recap-done anxiety hovering over my now! anyways so this might be a bit rushed lol

(ETA: yeah turns out this wasn’t exactly the kind of chapter you could just read quickly and get on with your life lmao. so, then!)

what a nice panel of Present Mic taking out the trash

you heard ‘em fellas. the doctor is secured. good job everyone we did it, manga over, congratulations. now to cut away to a two-page spread of Dark Shadow comically smothering Dabi’s flames with a giant stock pot lid, and that’ll be that! what a wonderful, extremely short and strangely underwhelming arc in which we haven’t even seen the actual main characters do anything yet. but I guess we don’t need them since the main bad guy is lying dead on the floor! everything is just so fucking dead and secured!! do you think if I keep repeating it enough Horikoshi will finally be like “okay geez I get it” and reveal his hand already

Mic is now ordering Ujiko to power down the Noumu, which again, I’m sure he will definitely do without a fuss since after all the good guys have clearly won the day

OH SHIT OH FUCK

rip X-Less. gonna just take a moment here to imprint your beautiful face onto my memory before it turns into a pile of ash. your face, I mean. not my memory. well my memory more or less already is a pile of ash but that’s neither here nor there ANYWAYS

:’)

what are these little sound effects. I think that’s supposed to be a buzzing noise?? anyways whatever it is PLEASE STOP IT, I AM NOT HAVING A NICE TIME SO STOP

ffff Horikoshi sure has done an excellent job of setting the mood in such a way that all of these panels of X-Less doing incredibly mild things are sending my stress levels through the roof. like is anyone else reading his lines more or less like “WELP, TIME FOR ME TO DIE, ANY SECOND NOW, WE’RE REALLY DOING THIS, THIS IS REALLY HAPPENING, HERE IT COMES”

(ETA: when is this poor sweet innocent man going to fucking die already.)

LET’S CUT BACK TO MIC ESCAPING THE IMMEDIATE VICINITY

I have the clearest mental image of Horikoshi standing by with a walkie talkie in one hand and one of those remote bomb detonation clicky switch thingies in the other, patiently waiting to receive the go-ahead once all of the important characters have gotten to safety

anyway so now Ujiko is talking again

no fear everyone this is just the beginning of his verbal noumu deactivation sequence. nothing to worry about. everything is fine

yes for some reason his code phrase to put all the noumus back to sleep involves going into rambling detail about his work researching quirk singularities and shit. it’s fine. it’s not a big deal. code phrases are just like that sometimes all right

just ignore the increasingly panicked look in Mic’s eye as he slowly realizes he was way too fucking keen to just leave the “dead” Tomura back there with his laser-eyed hero buddy. anyway so let’s continue learning all about the Quirk Illuminati or whatever the fuck

okay so... he faked his own death? 70 years ago, at age 50 or thereabouts? I mean, that’s interesting and all I guess. not saying I wouldn’t be thrilled to spend the rest of this chapter learning all about Ujiko’s boring evil life. I don’t need to say it because it’s implied on account of Ujiko sucks and is the worst. so yeah can we get a move on though

oh shit?!?

WHOSE NARRATION IS THAT IN THE BOXES TOMURA IS THAT YOU OH GOD OH GOD

also, comparing AFO’s smile to a buddha’s really sent an actual shudder of disgust down my spine for some reason lmao. I personally would have steered that comparison in a different area, maybe less to buddhas and more to Norman Bates from Psycho, but to each their own

oh shit wait up

okay but this is actually a pretty big revelation though, isn’t it? because it’s been hinted for a while now that AFO and Ujiko had some method of duplicating quirks (the fact that all the Noumu share the same regeneration quirk was the biggest clue, but there was also John-chan’s quirk, as well as Hood’s Muscular-esque quirk), but as far as I can recall, this is the first time we’ve had it confirmed. though to be fair I wasn’t joking when I said my memory really has been shit lately sob

anyway so for real though, can you really call it a BnHA chapter if you’re not spending a good chunk of it being hopelessly confused over the ownership of some ambiguous thought bubbles. WHO IS THIS. I do seriously feel like it’s Tomura, because he’s the wrathful one, but another hallmark of a typical BnHA chapter is me constantly questioning everything I know as I muddle my way through

(ETA: yeah I’m pretty sure it was him. still impressive how vague it is though! it could also potentially be Ujiko, Mic, or even Deku. hopefully Caleb’s translation on Sunday can shed some more light on this. though he wasn’t really helpful last time this happened lol.)

SOMEBODY PLEASE TELL ME WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON

didn’t... you just... say that “preservation” was your quirk?? what do you mean that you wanted it?? CAN YOU JUST FINISH YOUR SENTENCES LIKE A NORMAL PERSON

anyway so here’s a summary of this chapter thus far

present mic: okay goodbye forever x-less

x-less: what a strange thing to say! :) also is it just me or is this machine fucking staring at me

present mic: turn the noumu off please

ujiko: seventy years ago... society... singularity... he’d be 120 years old now...

??: [REPULSIVE FEELING EW WHO’S TOUCHING ME]

ujiko: all for one has the smile of an angel...

??: [SON OF A BITCH I’M SO FUCKING WRATHFUL]

ujiko: my quirk... preservation... the truth is... my quirk... preservation... the truth is... my quirk...

all caught up?? grand. also btw is anyone else super disturbed by the fact that Ujiko recognizes Mic as being “Kurogiri’s friend”, like holy shit though? how would he know that. I can’t think of any implications of this that aren’t super disturbing tbh

anyways back to -- LOL WHAT THE

Horikoshi Kouhei: [furiously scribbling notes to himself at 3am] BUT WHAT IF THE FOLDING CITY FROM “INCEPTION” HAD MORE GIANT HANDS

jesus christ. is this like some mental representation of what shit is currently like in Tomura’s mind? lots of crumbly destruction and traffic lights and the house his father built (isn’t it? I feel like it looks familiar), and SO MANY HANDS, HE JUST LOVES HIS HANDS

anyway so at this point it’s a coin toss whether or not anything in this fucking chapter is ever going to make any kind of fucking sense! but here I am voluntarily along for the ride while Gene Wilder sings that creepy boat song right in my ear!

DSFKLDSJ

ACCURATE REPRESENTATION OF SOMEONE WHO HAS BEEN FLOATING IN A JAR FOR THREE MONTHS TBH. that is some luscious quarantine hair

SDFLKJSDLFKJSLKFDHLKSDJFLKJLKSDJL:FKJSDL:KJ

(ETA: that Tomura in the top left may be my new favorite panel. look at him. all he is is a nose and chin and ~*~HAIR~*~.)

HANAAAAAA AHHHHHH OH MY LORD OH MY LORD! OKAY I’M FINALLY PAYING ATTENTION NOW FOR REAL! NO MORE JOKES! EVERYBODY SHHHH!!!

FFFFFFFFFF

“LOOK AT ME I’M A MAIN CHARACTER I CAN HAVE STRANGE VISIONS AND TALK TO DEAD PEOPLE IN MY DREAMS, SOUND LIKE ANYBODY ELSE YOU KNOW?” TOMURA SHUT UP I DON’T HAVE TIME TO ANALYZE THIS SCENE THEMATICALLY RIGHT NOW I’M TOO BUSY BEING SAD ABOUT YOUR DEAD SISTER WHILE SIMULTANEOUSLY CALCULATING THE ODDS OF THIS SOMEHOW BEING FORESHADOWING FOR HER NOT REALLY BEING DEAD. OH GOD, OH FUCK YOU GUYS, I’M FREAKING OUT

WHAT KIND OF YOUNGER BROTHER DOESN’T CALL HIS OLDER SISTER “NEECHAN” TOMURA WHAT KIND OF ANIME CHARACTER ARE YOU

AT THIS POINT HIS HAIR IS ITS OWN INDIVIDUAL CHARACTER WITH THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS WOW

HORIKOSHI PLEASE STOP SHAKING THIS CHAMPAGNE BOTTLE OF SIBLING FEELS SO VIGOROUSLY I AM SO TERRIBLY AFRAID OH GOD

“BY THE WAY TENKO I JUST HAVE TO SAY, YOUR MAN BOOBS ARE SERIOUSLY IMPRESSIVE AND YOU SHOULD BE VERY PROUD.” YES HANA I WAS JUST GOING TO SAY. HOW ASTUTE OF YOU TO POINT THAT OUT. BOY HAS BEEN HITTING THAT BOWFLEX

WTAF IS HIS HAIR THOUGH SERIOUSLY??!

IS IT JUST ME OR IS THIS DIALOGUE BUBBLE ACTUALLY COMING FROM THE HAIR ITSELF. TOMURA. TOMURA BLINK TWICE IF YOU ARE IN DANGER

SJJKJSKJSW

TENKO IT’S ME YOUR GIANT MOM I’M BEHIND YOU HONEY TURN AROUND AND LOOK HELLO HI I LOVE YOU DO YOU STILL WANT TO BE A HERO

ffff why is he so pretty all the time lately

you are very handsome with your billowy hair and ken doll abs, you. sure are having a lot of trippy visions for a dead guy too there

HEY!!!!

WHO SAID YOU WERE ALLOWED -- DO YOU THINK YOU CAN JUST -- ffffffffff I need to be alone with my thoughts for a few minutes fuck

okay well. but since it is getting late I guess we’ll just pack these feelings up real quick and put them inside a box and neatly label it “feelings I have about Tomura having a vision of his mom and immediately turning back into his innocent little boy self in said vision as soon as he sees her.” not too sure about the contents of this box yet but I will have to explore them thoroughly at a later date

oh hey it’s this asshole

“THAT WAS TWENTY YEARS AGO, DAD.” jesus Kotaro. get over it

and also guess what, if you go and get Tomura all riled up so he wakes up grumpy and disintegrates the first hapless guy he sees, I will hold you solely responsible for that poor man’s death. I’m just warning you now

oh my

I remember this conversation going a bit differently the last time, but hey

LOOOOOOL

HIGH FIVE. PUT ‘ER THERE

WHY WOULD YOU LOOK SO SURPRISED LOL DID YOU NOT JUST TURN TOWARDS HIM WITH A SINISTER MURDER FACE LIKE TWO SECONDS AGO. LIKE WTF DID YOU THINK WAS GONNA HAPPEN

OH NO OH SHIT

FUCK ME, GUESS IT WOULDN’T BE A DRAMATIC BNHA DREAM SEQUENCE IF THIS ASSHOLE DIDN’T MAKE AN APPEARANCE AT SOME POINT OR OTHER NOW WOULD IT

-- HOLY SHIT?!

RECORD SCRATCH, FREEZE FRAME??

holy shit. holy shit. holy shit. holy shit. holy shit. holy shit

holy shit. fuck

...okay so

is this implying that AFO has been Noumufied? but that doesn’t make any sense, does it? he already had multiple quirks. what other advantages could there be to him becoming a Noumu. well whatever I’m just typing out all of my thoughts real fast for the time being and I’ll try to make sense of them later

or is it because he sees Kurogiri as a father figure? and AFO also?

or is he using Kurogiri’s quirk????? IS HE SOMEHOW WARPING INTO TOMURA’S DREAMS

because that third one, to me, is what this panel most looks like? Tomura says he looks like Kuro, but he doesn’t though. Kuro has a very distinctive face which this is very much lacking. instead it looks to me much more like one of Kurogiri’s portals, with AFO’s buddhaesque smile sticking out. so yeah. I got nothin’. except, again, fuck

(ETA: yeah I obviously have more thoughts about this now, but we’ll get to those in a bit.)

...

.......

-- !!!!!!!!!!LKJLK!JLKJ

oh shit oh shit oh shit 

OH SHIT

NO BABY NO DON’T DO IT

GASP

THEY’RE TRYING TO SAVE HIM AHHHH

I HAVE LIKE TEN THOUSAND THOUGHTS IN MY BRAIN RIGHT NOW YET SOMEHOW MY MIND IS ALSO STRANGELY BLANK?? I DON’T EVEN KNOW?? I’LL JUST KEEP READING

KOTARO ARE YOU TRYING TO HELP HIM OR ARE YOU PULLING HIM TOWARD AFO??

OH HE’S PUSHING HIM BACK!! OH SHIT IT’S A WHOLE FAMILY EFFORT

THEY’RE TRYING TO SAVE HIM AFO IS GOING TO TAKE HIM OVER AND THEY’RE TRYING TO PROTECT HIM OH GOD OH JESUS

BABY TENKO EYES OH MY GOD HE LOOKS SO MUCH LIKE DEKU THAT I THOUGHT IT WAS DEKU FOR A MOMENT

NO TENKO!!!

FUCK -- DOES HE NOT CARE? HE ACTUALLY UNDERSTANDS WHAT’S ABOUT TO HAPPEN BUT HE DOESN’T CARE?? IS HE TRULY SO PROFOUNDLY MISERABLE THAT HE’D GO AHEAD AND ACCEPT THIS FATE WILLINGLY

NO SOUNDS. NO WORDS. YOU COULD HEAR A PIN DROP IN MY ROOM RIGHT NOW

except that I have the most incredible, chilling, disturbing, electrifying feeling that my mental soundtrack is about to start blaring AFO’s theme from the anime on full blast...!

LOOOOOL SOB OH FUCKK

THE MOST TERRIFYING, DRAMATIC KIP UP YOU’VE EVER SEEN IN YOUR LIFE!! THIS IS IT, IT’S BEEN REAL FRIENDS, THIS IS WHERE WE DIE

-- ARE YOU REALLY, TRULY, GENUINELY SHITTING ME RIGHT NOW

NOW OF ALL TIMES IS WHEN WE FINALLY CUT TO THE TRIO, I’M CAN’T, I’M FUCK

AND THAT’S THE END AHHHHH

holy shit holy shit holy shit. wow

okay so. I don’t really have any sort of neat and tidy way to wrap up this hot mess of a recap lol. so, just... have a whole mess of all of my stupid whirling thoughts

those first four pages really did nothing to brace me at all lol

okay, so. here’s my understanding of all this, I guess. basically we’re going full Harry Potter rules here. AFO horcruxed his quirk, and from the looks of it, a piece of his soul (perhaps even the main piece) along with it. he then passed it on to Ujiko to implant into Tomura

horcrux!AFO then wakes up, and takes over Tomura. so then my understanding is that he’s going to be possessed by him. and I also got the impression that he’s fully aware of that, but just doesn’t care at this point. he knew his family was trying to warn him, but he didn’t care. and that look in his eyes when he disintegrated them just seemed so fucking resigned to me, though. jesus

but now the more interesting thing! so we can liken Tomura to the resurrected Voldemort from book 5 and onward, reborn after transferring his power into a new vessel. which would go a long way toward explaining how AFO was able to sense what was happening from all the way in Tartarus; because if we liken it to Voldemort and his horcruxes, it would mean that he still has a connection to them (similar to the connection between Voldemort’s mind and Harry’s)

but so now comes the really interesting thing -- what does this then imply about the connection between AFO and Deku? because you’ll recall that AFO alluded to a similar mental connection back when Deku first activated SIXQUIRKS. and now we have Deku somehow being magically aware of AFO’s sudden resurgent presence in this chapter. but why?? if the reason AFO and Tomura share a psychic link is because of a shared quirk, why would Deku also be experiencing the same link? the answer is, he wouldn’t -- unless he, too, had the same shared quirk

in other words, I think All for One for All is fucking confirmed you guys. I can’t think of any explanation for this other than that OFA is also a horcrux quirk. a little piece of AFO broken off and embedded in his brother, and then passed along through the generations. and now residing within Deku

anyway. so that’s a hell of a lot to ponder lol. I guess we can at least be grateful for the fact that we’re not waiting two weeks for chapter 271 like Hori originally planned. can you fucking imagine. what a fucking asshole lol

[karajaynetoday]

my soul slides away, but don't look back in anger | ashton irwin

Have I been listening to Oasis a lot today? Maybe. Is this the final part of the Ashton angst series? Maybe. What began as the first ever piece of 5sos writing has become a four part series, and I can’t give enough thanks to everyone who has read, shared or given me feedback on it so far. You’re all bloody wonderful. 

Here is Part One, Part Two and Part Three if you’d like to revisit them first. 

Today’s part is more sad than angsty, but I also tried my best to give it a sense of peace and calm. I’ve put everyone through enough with this series so far 😂😂

Word count: 1.5k

Warnings: mentions of death of a parent and cremation, minor swearing, unprotected sex in an established relationship/some pretty soft smut about halfway through (so don’t read unless you’re 18+ thanks team)  

(This is a fem reader insert)

More writing here | send thoughts/feedback/suggestions here | if you’d like to be on my taglist go here

It was raining, on the day that he left you. 

The sound of the rain pelting down on the tin roof of your mother’s house woke you before your alarm, and part of you hoped that the weather would be so bad that Ashton’s flight would be delayed (ideally indefinitely, but you’d settle for a few more hours). 

He looked so peaceful, sleeping beside you. You couldn’t stop yourself from reaching over to gently brush your fingers through his curls, and then down onto his cheek. Ashton murmured in his sleep, keening towards your touch. His arm, that had been around your waist almost all night before you’d woken up and rolled over to watch him quietly, reached out for you instinctively, and you let him pull you into his embrace once more. 

You’d started trying to put distance between you about a week before Ashton was due to return to Los Angeles. You thought you’d made your peace with it, with how you felt once you’d scattered your mother’s ashes, but the anxiety was starting to build and your defensive instinct kicked in. Just little things at first, like taking a bit longer to respond to messages or not answering every call, or declining invitations to dinner with his family that you would usually never miss. But, Ashton being Ashton, he picked up on it straight away and called you out on it. A fight ensued, and honestly you wanted that to be the end of it. Because if you fought, it gave you a reason to be mad. A reason to try and forget about him, a reason to push away all of the feelings that were trying to burst out of your chest, a reason to move on. 

But Ashton knows you so well he can tell what you’re thinking, so he pushed back. He held you until the screams became sobs, and until the sobs became whimpers, and until you were able to use your words to tell him what was going on in your head. About how you didn’t know how to hold it together, and how it felt stupid because he’d only been back for a month after you’d had literally years apart, and you knew deep down you were strong enough to go on without him but fucking hell it just hurt so much. 

You could tell Ashton wanted to say that he loved you, but he was holding back after your outburst when he’d tried previously. At this point, neither of you needed to say it, you could feel it in every touch or every spoken word. The emotional pull between you both was stronger than it had ever been, and you just knew that the moment Ashton stepped onto the plane, it would shatter you. But that’s the thing about life, isn’t it? Sometimes the universe works its magic for you, and sometimes it fucks you over. Although you had been hoping for a bit more magic lately, given the absolute carnage of the last few months of your life. 

You could also tell that Ash wanted to ask you to go with him. It was in his eyes when you told him you’d decided to take indefinite leave from your job, to give you time to heal. But when you went on to say that you wanted to focus on caring for your siblings, and packing up your mum’s house, and building a home for yourself somewhere nearby, the hopes he had of convincing you to let him buy you a plane ticket were slim to none. But part of you still wanted him to ask, because knowing that he wanted you near lit your soul on fire. 

It was a fire and a passion that was building more by the day, and constantly fighting the sadness and melancholy that was also within you. The night before Ashton was due to fly back to LA, you’d had dinner with his family and yours, laughing and chatting like it was the most natural thing in the world. He insisted on coming home with you, for once last peaceful night’s sleep in each other’s arms, and you couldn’t say no to that. 

But when you were finally alone, and Ashton was waiting patiently for you under the covers like he had so many nights before, you couldn’t take any more quiet words or gentle touches. You needed more. At first Ashton was taken aback at the desperation of your lips against his, but he quickly understood your intentions and kissed you back with an intensity that sparked more passion than you’ve ever felt before. Shirts were pulled over heads, and jeans were undone and pushed off, and it was all so messy and rushed and wild but it felt so right. When Ashton hovered over you, he paused, to make sure you’re okay, and to check that you really want to keep going. You nod in earnest, managing to utter a breathless please, and Ashton’s eyes never leave yours as he slides into you and you clutch at his shoulders with an overwhelming sense of pleasure and content. You felt him murmur that he loves you against your lips, and without hesitation you say it back. Because you do love him, and you always have, and sometimes you just need to say it out loud to truly feel it. 

And now here you were, watching him sleep as the rain drummed against the roof and splashed down onto the window of your bedroom. You knew your alarm was imminent, and Ashton would be grumbling for his coffee before too long, but you just wanted to take a moment to paint a picture of him in your mind like this. Calm. Content. Yours, and no-one else’s; just like you were his. The beeping of your alarm broke you out of your revelry, and Ashton groaned as he stretched and rubbed his eyes.

“Were you watching me sleep? You weirdo.” He teased, sitting up to face you. 

“Just doing a bit of an Edward Cullen on you, mate. Gotta savour the precious moments, you know.” You retorted, trying not to let the gloominess in your mind become obvious in your voice. 

Ashton laughed, and you closed your eyes at the sound, suddenly feeling the anxiety of his impending departure hit you like a ton of bricks.

“Hey. Hey. We agreed no sad vibes, right? This is a temporary relocation, a bump in the road. I’ll be back before you know it, and we’re going to talk every day, and maybe you could come visit when you feel ready - “ Ashton began rambling, trying to reassure you, but instead you felt the need to reassure him but pressing your lips to his.

“No sad vibes. But everything in life is temporary, Ash. For some people, even life itself is.” You couldn’t even try to hide the sadness that coated your words.

A quick shower and a short breakfast later, and Ashton’s mother had arrived to take him to the airport. At first he’d wanted you to come along, but the risk of being spotted or photographed was high, and you definitely couldn’t count on yourself to keep it together in such a public place. Also, you felt guilty for taking up so much of Ashton’s time while he’d been back, despite his and his mum’s protests at such a claim, but it was on your mind all the same. 

Once Ashton’s suitcases were in the car and he’d said goodbye to your siblings, they all gave you a moment alone in the kitchen for your farewells. Part of you wanted to laugh at how full-circle the moment was, Ashton farewelling you in the same spot he’d greeted you weeks ago after years of separation, and another huge part of you wanted to cry at the exact same train of thought. 

You muster enough strength to meet Ashton’s gaze, and he pulls you into his arms without another word. You’re met with the same warmth and feeling of safety and security and wholeness that you had in that moment a few weeks ago. There’s whispered words of thanks and encouragement, and soft kisses pressed to your temple, and then Ashton’s pulling away and walking out the door into the rain. You know he’s trying his hardest not to look back at you, but you see him steal a glance when you stand in the doorway to watch the car pull out of the driveway and drive off down the street, and there’s a glint of tears in his eyes. 

Part of your soul drives away, too. But part of Ashton’s stays with you. And that’s how you know that this time won’t be the same as before. Because you won’t be able to forget the feeling of how much he loves you, and how much you love him, no matter how sad or angry you get or how many miles are in between you. Because eventually, he’ll come home to you again. A thousand times over.  

It’s funny how you can forget everything except people loving you. Maybe that’s why humans find it so hard getting over love affairs. It’s not the pain they’re getting over, it’s the love.

Taglist: @suchalonelysunflower​ @blackbutterfliescal​ @redrattlers​ @loveroflrh​ @spicycal​ @notinthesameguey​ @metalandboybands​

[guessimjoiningthespidermanfandom]

Hell and Back Pt. 2

Peter Parker x bisexual!reader

Peter Parker x fem!reader

Peter Parker x black!reader 

Peter Parker x villain!reader 

Warnings: Language, hospital mentions, mentions of drug abuse, allusions to suicide, allusion to self harm, self deprecating thoughts, a gun, mentions of knives, mentions of the dead, anxiety, signs of abuse, abusive and toxic relationships, and fainting.

Word Count: 6.1k 

Songs: Pleaser-Wallows, 505-Artic Monkeys, Sweater Weather- The Neighborhood, Daddy Issues- The Neighborhood, Paper Planes- M.I.A, We come running- Youngblood Hawke, Young dumb and broke- Khalid, Do I wanna know- Artic Monkeys, Break the Rules- Charli XCX

“I smiled, I know as much as we get into petty arguments or try to annoy each other on purpose but I’d go to hell and back for those girls. And that’s exactly what I was going to do.” 

A/N: There might be some typos and grammatical errors sorry for those, I you want to be added to the Taglist just message me about or comment it. I’ll have a google form for it soon. 

Series Masterlist   Previous Part   Next Part

When I saw my little sisters, that all went away. Sure I still called them a lot but nothing could compare to actually seeing them in person. Sapphire launched herself into my arms and I stumbled back a bit.

“I missed you too,” I said.

I hugged Aaliyah too. When I entered the apartment I heard voices. My dad’s and some feminine voice. 

I walked in to find some woman who couldn't be older than 25 in my kitchen. Talking and laughing with my dad. I didn’t want to assume anything or start a scene so I just went into my room to catch up with my sisters. 

We were talking about some kid who gave me a DMT pen once and I was tripping balls which I probably shouldn’t be talking about, but I want them to feel comfortable enough to come to me. Makes it easier to keep them safe. 

Our dad opened the door and hung in the doorway.

“Hey… Y/N do you mind coming here for a sec?”

“Yeah sure…” 

I stepped out of the room. 

“Is something wrong?” It wasn’t often that he initiated a conversation that would end positively.

“No,no, not at all, I just want you to meet someone,” 

When I entered the kitchen the same woman from before was still there. My dad walked over to her and wrapped his arm around her shoulders. 

“This is my girlfriend, Camilla” 

I knew it . I knew it! I was trying not to be hostile toward her every problem I had was towards my dad so I smiled and waved to her.

“Camilla this is Y/N,” he pointed to me. 

“Well I’ll let y’all get acquainted,” He said before leaving the room.

I sat on the kitchen island and waited for her to say something first. 

“Look, I would just like to put it out there that I’m not trying to replace your mom in anyway.”

“Thanks I appreciate it,” 

“Also, are you okay now?” She asked in a low voice.

“Huh?” I questioned.

“Your dad said you ran away,” Of course he did “and I saw the news with your school at the Washington Monument.” So I guess she knew more about me then expected. Not surprised she was the one to ask me and not my so called dad.  

“Thanks for your concern but I’m fine, and sorry to cut this conversation short but I’m drained.” 

“Oh, okay, have a nice night,” 

“You, too,” 

I didn’t have time to think about anything. I just made it back to my room and face planted onto my bed. My whole being was sore including my brain. I didn’t have the energy to change my clothes, to shower, to think about my dad being a pathological liar or anything else that happened today.

I was awoken by my dad. I didn't know how long I slept but the sun was out. I can’t remember the last time I was able to sleep while the sun was up. 

“Hey we’re going out, for family bonding and I want you there with us,”

Family.

We ain’t ever been a family before why start now. Is what I really wanted to say but I sucked it up because again I hadn’t seen my sisters in a while. 

The movie was really boring. If we’re being honest. 

I pulled Aaliyah and Sapphire aside as my dad and Camilla were deep in conversation. 

“You know how I was staying at Wade’s house right?” 

They both nodded.

“What did dad tell you about this,” 

Sapphire just shrugged and Aaliyah was the one to post.

“I dunno he didn’t say much like usual he just kinda said you just left,” 

I felt my jaw tightening as I processed her words, my fist clenching by my side. 

“Oh, oh okay,” I breathed in through my nose and out through my mouth a couple times “Well I just want you to know I’d never leave y’all without a very good reason, and I never won’t come back,” 

By the time we got back to the house it was around twelve since we watched another movie and went to a restaurant. Then got ice cream. This is the most money my dad could’ve possibly spent on me in a long time. I mean he didn’t because I didn’t get anything and bought my own ticket. I didn’t want him to be able to use the fact he bought me stuff against me. I’d gotten tired of the “after I’ll I’ve done for you,” excuse. 

I couldn’t sleep. No matter what I tried I couldn’t sleep. I tried NyQuil, melatonin, and even tea. The tea really did more harm than good. 

This was an extremely stupid thing to do so don’t follow my lead but I was bored. 

I grabbed a lot of useless shit from the floor of my room and made my way to the roof. I poured hand sanitizer on it and set it on fire. Putting aside the fact that it was really weird the fire was oddly beautiful. I sat there watching it for a minute before stomping it out. 

I was going to text my friend Carmen but I realized she was supposed to be asleep and I didn’t want to get her in trouble. 

I ended up scrolling through Zillow for a while then that turned into me applying for like four jobs. In which turned into me making spamming multiple friends saying we needed to hang out.

While I was on Zillow there was a relatively cheap apartment in Queens. Which was close to my school. It kept drawing me in for some reason. I bookmarked the tab.

Before I knew it the sun was up. I figured if I couldn’t sleep I would go on a walk to the park. 

When I got back to the complex everyone was still asleep except my dad who walked outside like he was waiting on me. He grabbed my arm, squeezing it tightly. 

He basically told me I looked like a prostitute. I was running so my sports bra and leggings were actually pretty appropriate. He said that I was probably going out to fuck people and that’s where I always was. I opened my mouth to defend myself.

“Actually I was just going to the-“ I was cut off by a sharp sting on my cheek. 

He fucking slapped me. Hard at that. He then grabbed my arm even tighter than before dragging me into the house.

 I don’t know what hurt worse my face or that fact that I wouldn’t be able to blame him being drunk on all the times he’d hit me before. He was just an ass.

  By the time I made it back to my room it felt like my body was burning itself from the inside out. My face was red and so was my arm from my elbow to almost my wrist. To try to cool myself down I took a cold shower and took some Tylenol. 

I still couldn’t sleep but tonight it was because it was so hot. I really needed a fan in my room. It was already 6 so I just decided to get a head start at the school. Not without taking pictures of my bruises before covering them with green concealer and foundation. I wore a hoodie for good measure. 

I felt dizzy and decided it was probably best not to skate at the moment and I’m 90% sure I fell asleep on the subway.  Apparently we had an art project due which I had no idea existed in the first place so I wasn’t going to that class today. Even though I did truly love Ms. Kramer. I was just gonna skip and go to Bri’s class. Which just happened to be chemistry. 

I wasn’t surprised Mr. Cobwell asked no question when I walked in. I ate lunch in his class a couple times, he was chill. He continued on talking about Quantum Theory. 

I made Flash move from his seat next to Bri which he immediately did. I guess he was scared of me now. 

“Hey,” I said, placing my non bruised side of my face on the desk.

“Hey,” She whispered back. “What class are you supposed to be in?” 

“Art,” 

“Why are you there? You love art,” 

“I’m not feeling it today,” 

“Alright,” she nodded.

“Lemme use your AirPods,” 

She reached into her bag handing them over going back to taking notes. That didn’t last long.

“What ya watching?” She asked.

“Bad Girls Club,” I smiled knowing she liked this show. 

“What season?” 

“7,” I whispered because now I felt too weak to waste my energy on speaking. I placed the phone on my lap and she took the other AirPod and before I knew I class was over with Tasha throwing trash everywhere.

I figured I was feeling sick because my blood sugar was low or something so I drank some Apple juice at lunch and called it a day.

Now time for Physics. I hate physics. Why would science ever require so much math? 

It was so hot. Like on the face of the sun, hot but I couldn’t take my hoodie off because I felt like I’d sweat my foundation off. 

“Are you okay?” Peter asked me “You look pale,” I swear if he doesn’t learn to mind his business.

“I’m fine,” I told him, not sure if I was trying to convince him or myself, I gestured to his notebook. “Do your work,” 

“Alright fine,” he said reluctantly, glancing at me once before getting back to writing whatever we were supposed to be doing down.

 I pulled my hoodie back over my head and sat up in my seat about to try to do my work again. But it was so hot and I was so dizzy that I couldn’t focus.

The world began to swirl and I knew the switch in my brain was going to flip off. I just didn’t have time or enough energy to tell anyone. 

When I woke up I was in a bed in the nurse's office and the first thing I noticed was I didn’t have my hoodie. Shit. I used to make fun of people for passing out because how does your own body clock out on you? Until it started happening to me like last year. 

I went into the bathroom and sure enough the giant bruise on my cheek and arm were kinda visible. 

Again shit.

I patted my forehead with a cold paper towel because the nurse’s bathroom actually had paper towels unlike all the others, before the nurse came back. 

“Hello, Are you feeling okay?” 

I nodded. She smiled down at me before giving me water and checking my temperature. 

“You have a fever,” she said after looking down at the thermometer “We called dad to come and pick you up but we got no answer. Is there anyone else that can come and take you?” 

I shook my head, not trusting my voice. 

I drank some more of the water before speaking up. 

“I have a friend who’s at this school she could maybe drop me off?” 

“I’m not sure if that’s allowed,” she said. 

“You know what? Go back to class, get your friend and come right back.”

I pushed off the bed and headed out of the nurses office surprised to find Peter sitting on the bench outside it. 

“Are you okay?” He asked me again 

“Yes I’m okay” I nodded. Apparently I wasn’t as okay as I thought because I almost tripped over my leg trying to move. But Peter immediately reached his hand out to stabilize me. And I don’t know why that made me as angry as it was but I said “I don’t need you to help,” harsher than I need to. 

“Sorry,” I said calmly almost immediately after. 

“It’s okay,” He said scratching the back of his neck.

“If you don’t mind me asking where’d these bruises come from,” 

“I fell,” was all I said. He looked skeptical but that was all he was going to get, I didn’t need CPS all up in my business. That’s also payback for him lying to me about “cat scratches”. 

“Can you do me a favor?” I asked.

“Yeah, anything,” he said. 

“Can you go get Briana from Mr. Dell’s class for me?” 

“Yeah I’ll be right back,” he said before sprinting down the hallway. I giggled at his giddiness. It was still extremely hot everywhere my body was tingling. 

Bri ran towards me 

“Oh my god are you okay,” 

“I’m fine, I just need you to talk to the nurse with me real quick,” 

She apparently didn’t have her car with her today so she was a no go. 

“I’m sorry girl,” she said, pulling me into a hug. 

“It’s okay, go back to class now,” I said.

“Alright feel better,”

I walked back out of the office to find none other than Peter still waiting there.

“So what happened?” He asked.

“Looks like I’m walking home,” I smiled sarcastically. “Yay,”

“I can walk you home,”

“No, thank you” 

“I insist,” I laughed again 

“I still think that word is funny,” I said.

“Okay, now let me walk you home,” 

We were walking in no general direction. No one but MJ and Bri know my address and  I’d like  to keep it that way. 

“Wait, you need food,” He claimed.

We ended up at this place called Delmar’s Deli. I’d passed it a couple times while walking home and during my less legal “hobby”. I really wasn’t hungry at all. I took all of like two bites from my sandwich claiming I’d take it to go before throwing it away. It wasn’t bad, it was quite good, actually I just wasn’t hungry. 

“My aunt is a nurse at an emergency room, she can check you out,” I hate anything that's anything like a hospital at all brings terrible memories, but I didn’t want him to know where I lived so I agreed. I’d ditch him then.  

It took us a while to get there but by the time we did I had to stop and catch my breath. He offered to walk me home and got me food. What a Spiderman thing to do. I’d say I had much solid proof to go on by now.  

“Peter!” The gorgeous brunette woman came over to the waiting room “What are you doing here don’t you have school?” 

“Yeah but my friend-“ When her eyes ghosted over to my face she cut herself off. “Oh my God are you okay,” she referred to my bruises “What happened to you?” 

“Did Flash do this to her?” She asked Peter and I had to stifle a laugh at that. I wish he would try to lay a finger on me. 

“No, she just told me she fell, we’re here cause she fainted and I don’t know if the school nurse is very capable of actually helping,” 

Is this a new thing Peter just decides to randomly worry about me for no good reason and forces me into taking care of myself. Because I hate it. 

“Oh, ok,” She nodded her head. “Grab one of those questionnaires over there,” She pointed to the sign in table. “Are your parents going to come too?” She asked and I shook my head. 

She and Peter moved over to the side and started talking about something I had no interest in. I grabbed the questionnaire and sat on the edge of the closest seat.  

1. What’s your age?

That’s easy 15.

2. Specify your race 

African American of course.

3. Select your highest level of education

Some high school

4. What’s your marital status? 

Single never married. Unless you count that un-ordained wedding I once had.

5. Specify your employment status

A student. 

6. Have you ever been treated in an emergency room (specify age)? 

Yes, as a child. 

7. Have you ever been rushed to the hospital? If yes, do you remember why?

Okay wow. Yes. 

I sat on the cold bathroom floor, vision blurry from tears forming in my eyes. 

“Y/N, you okay in there?” I heard my brother ask after lightly rapping his fingers on the door. 

“Yeah, I’m okay!” 

No I wasn’t. I wasn’t okay at all. In fact I was the farthest thing from okay. I glanced down at my thighs, you could see cuts from the night before and scars peeking out from underneath my shorts. I was sobbing at this point. 

“I’m so sorry,” I whispered. I wasn’t sure if it was for myself or to everyone I knew I’d hurt by this. I already had the headache. I was just waiting for the rest of the pills to kick in. 

I was holding onto the sink for support when the left side of my body started to feel tingly. The whole situation felt hazy. I was shaking hard before I fell, taking almost everything on the sink with me. 

My head hit the bathmat and I could feel my heart slowing and hear my breath become shallow. I heard the doorknob jingle and that was the last thing before a feeling of true bliss and peace took over my body. 

I could hear screams and sirens and I knew I was in an ambulance. Slowly I awoke with wires all over my body and an IV in my wrist. My limbs were dead weight, I couldn’t move. 

A single tear fell from my eye alerting me off my surroundings. I quickly came back to myself. I made up the excuse of a family emergency and left.

I ended up halfway across the city. Then in Brooklyn visiting a friend. 

I knocked on the window of Aaron’s apartment. I could see Miles sitting on the couch.

“How’ve things been over here?” I asked once I was settled on the couch as well. 

“Uh, pretty tame, and you?” 

“There was that whole elevator stunt and I almost fucking died which was fun.” 

“Forgot you never take anything seriously,” He rolled his eyes. 

I laughed in response “Well one of us has got to be fun for us since it’s clearly not you,” 

“In celebration of me not dying I’m making sundaes,” 

“Alright,” He said leaning back on the couch. 

“Hey uh, When’s Aaron coming back?” I asked, getting the whipped cream out of the fridge.

“I’m not sure,” 

This is actually like really fucking dangerous. Like it could kill me. It’s just I was already in pain and had a headache. I also wasn’t thinking. I’d already made the sundaes. I turned around so Miles couldn’t see what I was doing before I- Okay I’m not going to do this. Get it together God you’re acting like an addict. The amount of people who’ve died from inhalants were insane. There it is again death. 

“Drawn anything new lately?” I asked, wanting to get my mind off of the topic of death that seemed to be plaguing my brain lately.  

“Some small sketches,”

I got the text that’d I been waiting for. I’d been talking to Aaron for the past few days. I’m not sure how Miles would feel about that. So I haven’t said anything. 

But I got the text. 

Staten Island Ferry 3pm

I immediately popped up from the couch.

“I have to go like right now, it’s an emergency,” 

I sprinted towards the door almost running into the punching bag in front of me. 

“Y/N-“ 

It’d been a week and things were looking up. I had a great day yesterday without the use of any drug. But nothing good ever lasts too long. I didn’t have to worry about that now. What I needed to worry about, was getting Peter to stop falling on his ass. 

I tried not to laugh at him and failed. 

“It’s not funny,” he said, pulling me down with him as I reached out to pull him up. Soon he was laughing too. 

I felt a vibration in my pocket and saw that Aaron texted me. 

hey the results from the search came in.

what???? don’t play with me I’m on my way right now. 

“Uh hey I gotta go sorry,” 

“No it’s fine I probably should get home too,” He pushed off the ground reaching down for me. 

“Do you wanna do this again tomorrow?” He asked a hopeful glint in his eye once we were both on our feet.

“Yeah sounds nice,” I smiled.

“Okay,” He nodded.

“Okay,” I echoed heading off. 

Ned was being fucking stupid.

“NO!” I slammed my hands down on the table “You don’t stab anyone especially if you plan on using bleach to clean up the blood. At least use vinegar and lemon,”

“Okay, jeez,” he said reeling back, “How would you do it then?” 

Before I could say anything MJ spoke up

“You could just use a needle full of air in between their toes, Their heart would fail” 

“Orrr,” I said spinning around on top of the table towards Ned. “You could overdose them on potassium and by the time the police get there the potassium in their blood is back at a normal level,” 

“Yeah that works too,” MJ stated going back to whatever she was drawing.

“You guys scare me,” Ned muttered making me smile. 

“Where’s Peter?” I asked and Ned pointed across the room. 

There he was sitting by Liz. It was cute I knew about his little crush on her. I’m sure the whole school did. Glad it’s working out for him. However that did not stop the pain in my stomach. 

I got up from the table because suddenly I did not want to be at school anymore. 

“Where are you going?” MJ looked up at me.

I shrugged. In all honesty I had no I idea where I was going. Somehow I always end up at Wade’s house when I don’t know where I want to go. He wasn’t home but I had a key. I can’t remember if he gave it to me or I stole if we're being honest. 

Clearly I hadn’t passed by a mirror in a while because damn. I look terrible. 

My eyes were red and circled with a dark hue from lack of sleep. I still had a yellowing bruise on my cheek. I was pale. I looked to be on the verge of death. 

I looked frail, like at any second I’d just fall apart. 

It was so unfair. My bones dragged down my body. The pieces of my soul that were mined out and removed from my mind. There’s a hole leaving me forever longing and I cannot fill nor feel. Hiraeth, a beautiful word for a ugly feeling. longing for a home that I never truly had, a home in which I’d never return. I would like to drift to where my spirit lies. It’s in the eyes of you and me and everyone in between. Drifting on a small boat in the sea. Viridian. Yes! That's the place I would like to be, that's where my soul lies yes you see.

 I kept punching his punching bag over and over again. Until I was on my back on the floor begging my lungs to allow air into them with Time (Is) by Solange playing on loop. Something put it into my head that I had to kill Vulture. I’d never directly killed anyone but that was gonna change. Having people killed or knowing someone was going to kill someone and not doing anything about isn’t killing anyone in my book, but I’m sure it would be in Spidey’s

That’s literally Liz’s dad though…

Okay maybe I’d just get him locked up. Great now I gotta be a snitch. That’s new. I showered not even caring about my hair now my curls were sticking to my face. I was freezing now though. I didn’t know whether to be glad that my body wasn’t on fire anymore or be upset that I was covered in goosebumps. 

Wade’s laptop was sitting right there on his bed. I was only taking a shower but, I think I should be allowed to watch Netflix and he wouldn’t mind, I was already on his account anways. 

After like 3 episodes into this random show there was a folder that was calling to me for some reason. 

It’d be okay to take a sneak peek. I thought to myself. 

I clicked on it and it was locked. I guessed the password in like three tries. He’s really gotta up his password game. It opened to multiple folders, one with my mom's name. Okay I had to click this then. 

I opened it which opened to more folders one titled ‘In Case of My Death’. 

Okay, okay cool my mother has had a video of what to do all if she died all along. This would’ve come in handy five years ago. 

There were three videos with the names of myself and my sisters. I clicked on mine then paused it. 

Then unpaused it again. 

I couldn’t do it. Okay, yes I could. I played it again. As soon as I heard the beginning of the word “hi”. I shut the computer off. I couldn’t do this. Couldn't do it because I was weak, I couldn’t handle myself. I was stupid and weak and a fucking disappointment. Guess my dad had been right all these years. I knew there was always some truth to the words he spoke only a matter of time until I started acknowledging it. 

I don’t remember coming home to the apartment. And I definitely don’t remember writing all over the walls of my dad’s room. But I had a marker in my hands and it looked like a toddler had gone to town. 

Holy Shit 

He was actually going to murder me, in cold fucking blood.  I trashed, the living room area, his room, and then mine. I was not coming home tonight. Looks like I’d need to find a new home now. At this point that sounded like a pretty solid plan. 

I text my sisters a quick text ‘stay at grandma’s house tonight dad is going to pissed like Super Sayian mode’ before grabbing my go-bag which was: a bag of the essentials, like hygiene a couple shirts, shorts, hoodies, pants, and of course the flash drive can't forget the flash drive. 

The flash drive that’s driving me crazy. I’d yet to open it though.  I knew I was crazy because I did all this while fucking sobbing.

I wandered around for hours. Making my way to Brooklyn, Manhattan, Harlem, AND actual New York City.  

Somehow I still ended up at Olivia’s door at the end of the day. I honestly believe we were soulmates. Most people don’t know you get many soulmates in a lifetime. I think Olivia and I would be the karmic kind. A karmic relationship is meant to help you grow, but it is never meant to last—it's often playing out a bad experience from a past life. I’m guessing I hadn’t grown yet because here I was.

She opened the door after a second. I’m surprised she did because I used our special knock so I knew she knew it was me. 

“I can’t fucking do this anymore,” I screamed in her face. 

“You're the one going off and being secretive and shit, like you’re scared I’m gonna hurt you or something,” she yelled walking up the stairs. 

I followed after her, 

“Maybe you would hurt me. I don’t know you are insane,” I said, tears brimming my eyes. 

“Just because you have fucking daddy issues, doesn’t mean you have to carrying them into every part of your life,” 

“I have daddy issues?” I screamed soon turning into me choking on a laugh making an unhinged noise “Oh, I have fucking daddy issues, now? Oh, okay,” I nodded. 

“Your parents didn’t even fucking want you,” I pointed at her. “At least my mom stuck around before she died,” 

“You’re an asshole, you know that?” 

“Yeah well right back at you,” 

“You’re fucking psychotic! Literally you’re so much like your dad and you don’t even know it, You’re trying to please him and he doesn’t give two shits about you, Wake up Y/N! Wake up.” 

“I’m hard on you because I love you so much,” She claimed, but her love was suffocating. 

“Oh yeah? I asked “Well i don’t know how much more of this ’love’ I can take,” 

“Fine then,” She screamed. 

“Fine,” I said before she slammed the door in my face leaving me standing out in the cold crying. 

That wasn’t even the worse we’d said to each other. It was the first but not the last time we’d break up either. I do believe we loved each other though in our own twisted way. Well at least I know I loved her. 

“Hey,” She said softly as she could sense I was due to break at any second. My cheeks were probably tear stained. 

“Hey,” I whispered back. 

“Are you okay?” She asked. 

“No,” I shook my head. One thing I liked about her is I didn’t have to fake it around her, because masking my real emotions was so draining. At least I didn’t have to do it with everyone. 

“Wanna talk about it?” 

“No,” 

“Okay,” she said softly “My parents aren’t home, so you don’t have to worry about them,” not surprised. 

I nodded before she grabbed my hand bringing me inside.

“I missed you,” she said stroking my hair as I laid on her bed, my head in her lap. 

“I missed you too,” I wasn’t lying my head drifted to her from time to time. It wasn’t that I wanted to get back together I just missed her presence.  

She smiled sadly at me running her finger over the bags on my eyes. 

“Heavy is the head that wears the crown,” She quotes.

“Yeah well, ’m not queen or princess and definitely don’t have a crown, so we don’t gotta worry ‘bout me,” I said. 

“You’re a princess to me,” I gave a genuine yet tired smile at that.

“You can go to sleep, it’s okay,” She said.

That was the first time I was actually able to fall asleep and without medicine or having to go on a walk or do anything really. 

I woke up in the bed alone only to find Olivia sitting at her kitchen island eating spaghetti. 

She smiled when she saw me coming into view. 

“Sleep well?” She asked.

“Yeah surprisingly,” How long had I been asleep for I wondered.

“It’s 10 pm,” She said, still being able to read me. 

I made my way over to her and sat across her.

“So what’s really going on with you miss Y/N?” She questioned. 

I shrugged “I don’t know, nothing,”

“Are you trying to convince me or yourself? Cause I’m not buying,” 

I explained to her how my dad was being weird and how I wanted to move out now. How I had pretty much vandalized the house. How I found the video of my mom. Just everything. Well maybe not everything I didn’t tell her about Vulture because I feel like she’d try to do something and I didn’t want her to get hurt. 

“Oh wow, damn... holy shit. Are you gonna watch your moms video?” She asked. Huh I hadn’t thought about that.

“I mean of course I will, yeah,” I nodded “Probably, I don’t know I’m scared,”  

“Wouldn’t you rather just push the fear back and watch then wonder the rest of your life what it says.” 

I sighed. Can't argue with that logic.

“I’m assuming you came here because you need a place to stay?” She said. 

“Yes, I need a place to stay just for a while but I don’t want it to seem like I’m just using you I can find somewhere else,” 

“Now it’s fine stay as long as you need but my dad gets back at the end of the month and we both know he doesn’t like you,” She chuckled at the last sentence and I laughed too. 

I was on the ferry heading towards Staten Island now. I knew the sale was for these weird alien shits but that's pretty much all I knew. I figured I’d sort of “out bid” the buyers then get rid of everything. By outbid I mean straight up steal. Some guy in a white pickup truck is officially my target. Thorn was still on hiatus. Meaning no knives unless you count the pocket knife I always had on me, no suit. I did have a trejo though, you know just in case. I couldn’t help my mind from drifting to Pop Smoke’s “I got it on me”. I let out a small laugh.  

I was hiding behind some car waiting for a crack in the plan to slip in. 

That was until Spiderman showed up. It’s like he had a sixth sense to ruin all of my plans. 

Shit 

Well abort mission. Just as I started walking around to get to the side of the boat. The van I was next to had Vulture literally coming out of it. I knew it’d looked familiar. 

I made it up to the top deck looking down on everything unfolding. So a quick rundown,  the FBI was here, meaning Tony Stark or someone with government clearance probably did something because I highly doubt that Spiderman, the Spiderman that I’ve seen hit a window like a bird while swinging, had any government clearance. 

See now I was looking to find a good time to make my escape. That was until that purple alien shit started spewing stuff beams of light through the ship. And fuck, I look away for one second and the new Shocker guy was gone. I turned around and saw he was running in another direction. I chased after him the rubber of my sneakers squeaking on the deck. 

I jumped down onto Shocker’s back sending us both to the floor before he pushed me off. I was definitely going to be sore tomorrow and I’m pretty sure I heard something pull in my leg. 

He jumped off onto the Vulture and I knew I couldn’t do anything anymore. Not like I was just going to shoot them down in public. I saw the light shooting down the middle of the ferry. I was gonna make a run for it but the loud squeal noise was so loud I fell over. Soon I was slung back into what I think was a bench not entirely sure I just knew it hurt like a bitch. 

I’m pretty sure I feel unconscious for like 30 seconds. 

But that was enough because the boat had already split in half and I couldn’t get to the deck or a lifeboat. However Spider-Man was frantically trying to get it together. 

I was trying to be hopeful because everything was looking up, as the parts of the ship got closer together but I think we all know the saying ‘what goes up must come down’ 

Over the ringing in my head I could assume that things were fixed because people were cheering. One thing that comes from cheering is movement and if I learned anything from the elevator it’s that moving in a very unstable metal death box is not a good idea. 

The ship was falling apart again until it wasn’t. It was pushed back together by I could only assume would be our government clearance guy Tony Stark. I looked out the window and yep there he was. 

As soon as I got on solid ground I called my sisters.

“Hiii!” I exclaimed. “Where are you, are you okay?” 

“Yes we’re fine, and where at grandma’s house like you told us to go to where else would we be,” I could almost hear the eye roll in Liyah’s voice. 

“Okay little Miss attitude stay there until I can feel everything out with dad,” 

“Alright,” 

“Okay I love you guys,” I said, getting a small “love you too” from Sapphire. 

“I know,” was the response I got from Liyah. I almost gasped the audacity of this child. 

“Say it back,” 

“Say it back,” She mocked, evoking laughter from both sides of the call. 

“Okay love you too byeeee,” She said hanging up. 

I smiled, I know as much as we get into petty arguments or try to annoy each other on purpose but I’d go to hell and back for those girls. And that’s exactly what I was going to do.

Taglist: 

@tomdiddlyumptious

[poutyhannie]

Also, I have no idea whether or not Jeongin is insecure or not (I don’t think he is bc have you seen that boy) but please keep in mind this is a fanfic and not reality.  It’s just really sweet to comfort a significant other.  

warnings: fluffy as jeongin’s hair, college student!jeongin, fem!reader comforting and loving jeongin, showering together

word count: +2k 

part 1, part 2

Wearily walking out of your lecture hall, you sling your burdensome backpack over your aching shoulders and prepare for the twenty minute walk back to your apartment.  It wasn’t unusual for a college junior to have moved from dorms and into an apartment but it was unusual for a college junior to not have a car.  

Because your university was in a densely populated metropolitan area, rent was through the roof.  Though school was easy and you could keep up your GPA with relative ease, ‘adulting’ was currently the most difficult part of living for you.  Taxes, landlords, jobs, and finding out what to eat consumed what little time left that you had.  Though stress and anxiety often left you drowning, you could find comfort in a very special someone.

His bright and cute smile meets you from across the courtyard, despite thousands of students milling about.  You exhale a sigh as relief floods your body.  Merely seeing Jeongin transforms your day.  

He makes his way towards you, dangling his car keys on a pretty little finger, a mischievous smile on his face.  “Did you really think that I would just let you walk alllllll the way home?” Jeongin asks, quirking his eyebrow.  You guys met in an advanced ancient literature class where the then freshman caught your eye.  You told yourself in the beginning that your interest for him was just because of his youth in a class for juniors up.  After all, your counselor didn’t even know if you could keep up with the class as a then sophomore.  But after you two were put together for a project, you quickly came to the truth that Jeongin was just so adorable and you had to squish his cheeks every day.

So you do.  He crinkles his face up and lifts his shoulders, uncomfortable at the public affection but you can tell by the glow in his eyes that he really loves it.  

“Yes,” you respond as you both start walking to the student parking lot, “I was gonna change into tennis shoes, actually.” Out of the corner of your eye, you can see Jeongin pout a little, readjusting his backpack so you quickly add, “I thought you still have a midterm left so I assumed you were gonna go back to your dorm to study.”

This seems to placate his pout and he turns his body to you, legs walking awkwardly in an attempt to not trip.  “That last midterm was today and I waaaaas going to go back to my dorms but,” he leans closer to you as his calming scent fills your senses, his nose scrunches up in the most adorable way, “I wanted to spend time with you, Y/n.”  

You mask your endeared smile with a scoff and poke his cheek.  Jeongin rolls his eyes walking straight now, seemingly annoyed at you patronizing him, but you know that deep down he loves it.  “That’s good, babyboy.  You wanna sleepover?” You ask, peering intently at him.

He smirks as if that were his plan all along, “I packed clothes for it,” he says, gesturing to his backpack.  Jeongin grabs your hand, surprising you at the bold move, cutely swinging it around before smiling widely at you.  “You’re all finished too, right?  If it’s alright with you, my parent said they’re okay with me staying here over break to study but honestly, I just wanna be with you.”

At that, you can’t contain your smile, looking up to meet his playful gaze.  “Did you tell them that you’ll be staying with me?  Don’t make them pay for dorms if you’re not using it.”

Jeongin rolls his eyes, “Yeah, yeah,” he says, waving his free hand around, “I told them I wanted to stay with you.  You seriously sound like my mom though.”

In mock anger, you slap his chest as he pulls out his keys, laughing.  

The car ride to your apartment is literally five minutes and you’re so thankful that you don’t need to pass that creepy alleyway to get home.  Your apartment is at the top of the building, small, and basically empty other than your books, clothes, and shoes at the front door but its cozy when Jeongin is around.  He runs to your bedroom and jumps on your bed, smiling widely at you.  “What’dya wanna watch, Y/n?  Or we could cook.  Are you hungry?”

Though you intend to fling your backpack far into the closet, you don’t really take into account how freaking heavy it is so it thumps down halfway to its destination.  Groaning, you kick it all the way to the back of your closet and let out a sigh.  Making your way over to the bed, you try to ignore Jeongin’s concerned gaze.

“What’s the matter, Y/n?”  He asks cautiously, laying a big, clumsy but warm hand on your shoulder, “Did I say something?”

Pressing you lips in a firm line, you shake your head, guiltily looking up at Jeongin.  “I’m just really drained from that last midterm and my professor hates me so I really needed to do well so that she’d give me an A so that I can keep up my GPA for my scholarsh—.”

Jeongin presses a light, unsure kiss to your lips, making you lift your eyebrows in surprise.  “I’m sorry, Y/n, do you wanna take a shower to forget?”

A knowing smile spreads across your face at the cheeky boy.  “Now I see why you wanted to sleepover, Innie,” you say, laughing, “Sure, let’s take a shower, babyboy.”

He excitedly jumps up and grabs your hanging towel and and rushes to the bathroom.  Chuckling to yourself at his cute antics, you grab a pair of panties and root through Jeongin’s backpack for his boxers.  You pull out a pale yellow pair that has little green hearts all over them, smiling.  Having Jeongin here really lets you calm down and relax.  He almost alway seems to know what you want and is more than willing to give it to you.  

Almost always.  

After making your way into the bathroom, you’re met with a beautifully bare Jeongin, his faint abs in full view as water flows down his face and over his shoulders.  Seeing you, he covers his stomach with his arms while the hot water steams up the mirrors.  

You tsk your tongue, striping and stepping into the shower.  Gently removing his arms from his stomach, glaring up at him, “No, baby, we’ve talked about how much I love your body.”  

Jeongin’s cheeks fill with blush and it spreads down his neck.  He doesn’t look at you.  “I know, it’s just-I’ve seen your ex around campus gym and it just makes me a bit insecure sometimes, ya know?”

Sighing, you pump body wash onto your hands and begin stroking Jeongin’s wet arms, trailing up and down and into his collarbones, down his chest before resting your palms flat on his stomach.  “Look at me, babyboy,” you whisper, gazing softly up at him through the water.  Eventually, his wandering gaze finds yours and you tilt your head to the side, smiling up at him.  It breaks you to see how sad his eyes are though he wraps his arms around you.  “I don’t care about my ex.  I broke up with him for a reason.  You know what that was, Innnie?”

He shakes his head, eyebrows furrowing as he tries to hold back his emotions.

“It was because he was a fucking bastard.  I thought he was a genuinely good person but I was just wrong; he just wanted me for my body.  But you,” You tap his chest, “you’re a good person.  You’re so caring and considerate and not just to me.  You put your classmates and teachers first and everything around you feels your love, baby.  I fucking love you and it really doesn’t matter to me if you have something as silly as abs or not.”

The earnestness in Jeongin’s puppy eyes breaks you.  

“Plus,” you add, smiling, “I really do like your body.”

With that, Jeongin lets go into a wide, beautifully untamed smile, burying his face into your shoulder.  You’re not really sure if all of the wetness is from the shower.  Placing one hand on his head, running your fingers through his scalp, the other hand pumps some shampoo.  Gently, you begin massaging it into his hair.  He doesn’t lift his head.

“Babyboy,” you whisper, “you’re gonna get soap in your eyes like that.”

He begrudgingly lifts his head, a full, adorable pout gracing his lips.  You can’t help yourself; you press a delicate kiss on them.  Rinsing out his hair, Jeongin starts soaping you up to, smiling in spite of himself.  “Thanks, Y/n.  I really,” he sighs deeply, “I really needed to hear that.”

Closing your eyes, you let the feeling of Jeongin’s fingers in your hair take over your senses.  “Is that why you were acting so cute today?”  You ask, cracking one eye open to see his reaction.  

Jeongin flushes deeply, “No,” he denies, bashfully looking down, only to look back up quickly.

You smile, knowing the reason for his flighty gaze.  “Innie, you’ve seen me naked before, why are you like this?”

“I dunno,” he says, a dumb smile on his face, “You’re just really pretty that’s why.  And I was acting ‘cute’ because I was excited to be with you.”

You let out a groan at his overwhelming cuteness and nuzzle your nose against his.  “Lets finish up and cuddle, yeah?  How does that sound to my babyboy?”

Jeongin’s shaky breath fans over your face, “Actually,” he starts, causing your gaze to snap up at him, “I was wondering if we could…You know…”.  He trails off, averting his gaze.

A smirk spreads across your face but you quickly shoo it away in favor of a mock concerned expression.  “What do you mean, sweetie? I don’t understand what you want, babyboy.”

Jeongin's blush blooms from his neck up and spreads to the tips of his ears like a wildfire.  You know exactly what this brat wants and are willing to wait until he confesses.  “No-no.  Its okay, Y/n.  You’re right lets just cuddle.”

You roll your eyes, stepping out of the shower to towel off.  

You’re just in Jeongin’s sweatshirt and he’s in one of your shirts, sprawled out on top of you, his cheeks squished against your boobs.  He knows what he wants and he knows you know but this bashful baby won’t say anything.  Sighing, you sit up, causing Jeongin to roll off you, looking up at you wide-eyed.  Maybe you won’t wait till he admits it.

“I am fucking sick and tired of you acting like this, baby.”

The panicked puppy-eyes Jeongin gives you is almost too much to keep your angry act up but you push on.  “What were you gonna say in the shower, huh?  What was my babyboy wondering if we could do?”

Realization floods your baby’s eyes and his face turns red once again.  Knowing he won’t get out of it now, he stutters, “I-I just wanted—I was wondering if we could…You know, since we’re both done with school for now and we’re alone…Like-would you be okay with or do you want to…to like I dunno…make love?”  He coughs loudly, covering his face with a hand that you have to pry away.

“See, Kitten?” You murmur, voice dark.  Jeongin’s pupils blow out at the petname, “that wasn’t so hard, was it?”

He shakes his head softly and you reach up to gently stroke his blushing ears.  “Okay, Innie, when I come back, I expect you stripped and kneeling on the bed.  Can you do that for me, Kitten?”

Jeongin gulps and nods vigorously, scrambling to get hisyour shirt off.  “Can I please touch myself?” He begs, his pretty eyes wide and glossy.  Your stomach burns at the thought of your pretty little baby stroking himself and you nod, “Just no cumming.  I know you want to be good for me.”  Jeongin whimpers and nods.  You smirk and leave the room, leaving him to obey you.

[captainchrisfics]

Gaps Between Us

About: Chris Evans and a first person pov narrator have an age gap, sparking a controversy in the public eye, some tension among the MCU cast, and quite a bit of trouble in paradise. Thankfully, RDJ is always there to save the day.

Word Count: 3, 418

Requested By: Anonymous

A/N: Please feel free to submit reqs! My inbox ran dry and I’m always up for some inspiration :)

“Evans, quit hogging the bread!” Jeremy Renner called from the other end of the table. It was quite a stretch to accommodate so many people, almost the MCU’s entire cast was present. Nobody could turn down a dinner invitation from Robert Downey Jr. including Chris and I. We sat together, close to the rest of the original Avengers, even though I was a newer addition to the franchise. Being included at a table of thirty or so of the biggest names in my field was immensely inspiring, the kind of awe-struck moment that made me feel like I was a part of something so much bigger than myself. Robert’s after filming dinners were often like that. 

Chris laughed as he picked up a roll, chucking it to his friend like a football. “If you hit the chandelier, I would’ve hit you harder,” RDJ chastised, shooting my boyfriend a playful side eye. Chris laughed harder as he waved a dismissive hand at Downey, insisting he didn’t need diamonds hanging from his temporary home’s ceiling anyway.

He slung an arm around my shoulders, stretching his fingers to grasp the side of my chair. “You aren’t gonna defend my honor, babe?” Chris asked me with faux disappointment and a cocked eyebrow. 

I rolled my eyes and reached for my glass, taking a slow sip before responding, “No, you deserved that one.” I didn’t take my eyes off Chris as his face contorted with an incredulous expression and I reached behind his back to high-five RDJ whose hand was already waiting for mine. 

“Wise move,” Robert quipped. Chris shook his head before returning to his plate, letting the Iron Man actor win this fight. “I learn from the best,” I countered, shooting RDJ a wink from across Chris’s lap. Over the course of this last film, the older actor and I had developed one of the closest relationships I’d ever had with a co-worker, second maybe only to my boyfriend. RDJ managed to take me under his wing and somehow I’d found a way to keep tagging along. We understood each other in a unique way, almost like we operated on the same wavelength, which was invaluable around someone as charismatic and unpredictable as Chris Evans, as much as I love him.

“You’re gonna regret that later,” Chris promised under his breath, a gruff tone only I heard. I kicked him under the table, insisting that it was all in good fun. “So,” Brie Larson said as she joined the group, dropped her plate from the make-shift buffet on the table next to mine and pulled out the chair beside me. “I’m sorry to talk shop, but I’ve got to tell you, I loved your work during the funeral scene today,” she professed, squeezing my hand with sincerity. Scarlett, who sat opposite of me, nodded in agreement as she added between bites, “Not to date myself, but I don’t think there’s a lot of actors your age who could pull off subtle, intense emotion like that.” 

I blushed, staring down at my plate to avoid all of the eyes I felt on me. “Oh, thank you... I appreciate that, but I  was just doing my job,” I shrugged. I was the youngest at the table by far, which could definitely be intimidating at times. Knowing my colleagues turned friends respected me and what I did just as much as I admired their work meant more than I could properly thank them for. “You all set a standard I only hope to match,” I added, squeezing Brie’s hand back.

“No, no, don’t bullshit these hacks,” Robert interjected. “I mean, sure, she was convincingly grieving my loss of life. But I expected more from the rest of you. Where were the theatrics? The professions of love now lost? The waterworks?” He shot pointed looks around the table at everyone who was present for Tony Stark’s funeral. Everyone laughed as Gwenyth Paltrow raised her hands in defense as she jokingly protested, “I had a little girl to be strong for.” “Really though, you did so great today,” Chris brought the conversation back to me as he paused devouring his meal to place a kiss on my temple. Down the table, someone groaned in objection to the PDA, which sent a heavy stone to the pit of my stomach. I felt Chris grow tense as well, always more self-conscious of our relationship than I was.

Our age difference made everything that much more difficult. It gave the media access to more insults to throw in their click-bait titles, contributed to the intense scrutiny the public eye had to offer in our line of work, and was always in the back of our minds. Not because we felt like there was anything wrong with it, but because other people did. If you asked any gossip site reader, Chris was in the midst of a mid-life crisis and I was a gold digger looking to capitalize on his vulnerability. Never mind that we were both perfectly of-age adults or that the same people used to praise our friendship all over the internet before they found out it was a little bit more.

“Relax Mackie,” Sebastian Stan teased from that end of the group, around where the groan came from. Seb had a teasing tone, shoving our friend’s shoulder jovially. Especially with them being some of the closest people to Chris on set, I’d gotten to know Anthony and Seb pretty well. Enough to know that they were only kidding, but that they sometimes didn’t know when to stop. I knew Chris inside and out though so when his ears perked up and his head followed the noise, previously furrowed brow raising as if to dare them to continue, I could tell you there would be trouble. “Her age isn’t on the clock anyway. That’s the thing, right?” Stan teased.

Chris smiled wryly with downcast eyes, watching as he spun his glass. Mackie laughed harder, the force of which threw him back in his chair as he prodded Sebastian’s chest in praise. “Just barely,” he shot back between breaths. The two chuckled one last time before the joke died down and they joined the rest of the cast in other topics of conversation. Chris didn’t seem to realize though, with the way he sat so tensely still like he’d draw more negative attention if he moved a single muscle.

I didn’t know the kind of pressure a few years could add until it burdened my chest every time a reporter brought it up on the red carpet, tugged down my soaring heart whenever we held hands in public and I caught people staring, weighed heavy on my mind when I noticed Chris grow as uncomfortable as he was now. All because of a little peck and a murmur that probably lost its original meaning among the translation of our anxieties.

Around us, the conversation amongst the original Avengers shifted to what everyone’s next projects would be now that Endgame’s filming was coming to a close. Chris, usually the most boisterous of the bunch, sat quietly as he shoved broccoli about his plate. His arm that had been wrapped around me sagged back to his side. His leg bounced rapidly like a revving engine, ready to run. I reached to squeeze his hand as a sign of comfort, that I was here and happy to be, knowing that the thought his nerves spiraling rapidly out of control in his head was never a good thing. As soon as my fingers brushed his, Chris pulled away so harshly he shot up from his seat, jostling the table unintentionally and grabbing everyone’s attention.

“I’m uh…” he scratched the back of his neck, skittish eyes bouncing between everyone staring at him. “Gonna go grab a beer. Anyone want anything?” Chris recovered, smooth enough not to raise suspicion if you weren’t within range of the anxious energy radiating from him. Soon, he stepped away from the table with everyone’s requests and escaped to the kitchen, leaving an empty chair in his wake. My eyes dropped to meet Robert’s across the space Chris had been occupying, just as wide with worry as I imagined mine were with eyebrows nearly through the roof. 

“I’ll make sure Chris doesn’t fuck up that tall order,” RDJ said with an effortless nonchalance I envied, clasping his hands together as he stood. He turned to me with peaked eyebrows as he added, “Why don’t you join us, kid? Takes a few actors to screw in a lightbulb.” I accepted Robert’s outstretched hand and trailed behind him, following Chris’s footsteps until we found him bent over the kitchen island, fingers gripping the quartz so hard his knuckles were white. “Why does it have to be such a big fucking deal, huh?” he spit cynically. Chris’s face scrunched up with furrowed brows and a tight lip as his eyes, firey with misplaced rage, burned holes through Downey. “Seriously, please enlighten me. Why does everyone else who isn’t a part of this relationship give such a massive shit about it?” His voice stayed quiet as to not raise the others’ suspicion, but by the strained veins in his neck and steely look in his eye held his anger instead. 

“In and out, buddy,” Robert said as he clasped a hand on Chris’s shoulder. “You know those bozos didn’t mean anything by it.” Chris snapped that it wasn’t about that, that this was much bigger than them, and I knew he was right. “That’s the problem,” he growled. “Nobody means anything by it, they’re just trying to get clicks on their articles or attention on Twitter or laughs at our expense without stopping to think the kind of shitty strain it puts us through.” Chris slammed the beer he’d grabbed on the countertop hard enough that, if it’d been opened, it would’ve created another mess for us to clean up. He was turning red and I could almost hear the tea kettle coming to a boil in his stomach, the steam ready to burst from his ears. I don’t think I’d ever seen Chris so mad.

I stayed glued to the entryway, holding my own hand behind my back as I rolled from my heels to my toes. I watched Chris nervously, not exactly sure what to do or how to help. Really I was the cause of the problem. How could I possibly offer a solution? And then, as much as I hated myself for even thinking it, the only way to fix this occurred to me. 

“We could split up, you know,” I proposed so quietly I hoped that between Chris’s angry ragged breath and Robert’s attempts at rationalizing with him they wouldn’t hear me. But they did. Their eyes snapped to me as Chris’s face fell, his eyebrows furrowed and his mouth hung open, all softened by sadness. RDJ threw up his hands, shooting me a look with wide eyes and tight lips as if to say he already had enough to deal with sans me joining Chris on the ledge he was trying to talk him down from.

“Don’t say stupid things like that,” Chris scolded with a shake of his head. His shoulders sagged from their previous position taught with anger as he slipped into a state of confused heartache. He could deny it all he wanted to, but that was the only way I saw out.

“Well, I certainly don’t want to but...” I bit my lip, searching for the courage to continue with Chris giving me pleading puppy dog eyes worse than Dodger’s. “But this is just too much. All of it, all of the articles and speculation and hurtful things being thrown our way because of our relationship, it’s overwhelming.” Even when he was puffed up with rage before, I felt smaller now. Measly compared to the giant bumbling toward me as he shoved past Downey, wrapping huge arms around me like a shield, though I wasn’t sure who he was trying to protect at this point. 

“You’ve got enough on your mind with your career, any relationship is a lot. Let alone one with our age gap. I know how much you hate the things people say. I just... I think we need to quit while we’re ahead and end on good terms before you start hating me, too. And if it’s what’ll make you happy then-” I spoke into his chest though I was sure he could hear me loud and clear, words suddenly snowballing out of me, gaining strength as the momentum grew with every tumbling syllable. I had to spit them out before I couldn’t. Before I changed my mind and picked what was selfish instead of best for Chris’s sake. And then he cut me off.

“Darling, I told you to stop talking nonsense. You make me happier than anything,” Chris was quiet with calm now, his angry energy redirected to dragging me back to earth when I felt so far away from him. “I could never ever even imagine a world where I felt anything less than love for you,” he paused to press a long kiss onto the top of my head before speaking again. “Let alone because of some stupid rumors and the opinions of people who don’t matter to me a fraction as much as you do.”

I melted into Chris, relishing in the way he radiated the excitement of an entire football stadium just when their home team scored the winning touchdown. How he smelled of deodorant I didn’t think anyone else wore and the liberating, fresh air of the mountains when you’re the only one there and something I still couldn’t identify anywhere else that wasn’t in his embrace. It was just Chris. And the way his beard scratched my skin as he nuzzled into the crook of my neck, the fact that I didn’t mind was so uniquely Chris as well. In fact, I’d miss it. He pressed gentle kisses into my collarbone as he rested his forehead on my shoulder, little wishes that I’d take back what I’d said. I was ready to push him away and tell him that this had to be it when it occurred to me just how much I’d miss him, but I couldn’t keep putting Chris through all of this stress just for me.

“I mean it,” I asserted though it was half-hearted, tears buried finally rising to the surface. I knew I had an ocean of them waiting inside of me, tossing and turning with my tumultuous emotions, but I had to stop the tide from rising. At least until Chris wasn’t around anymore. “We need to break-“

“No,” Robert finally cut in, dropping a gentle hand on one of each of our shoulders. “No, you don’t. Don’t say the b-word,” he repeated like he was trying to ease us out of a trance. Pity laced the soft circles he rubbed our backs. I turned to look at him, keeping an ear to Chris’s chest to prolong the comfort I found in the steady thump of his heartbeat. “The second you allow the public eye’s gaze to start changing your relationship is the second you lose yourself to this job. I can’t stand by and allow you two to lose each other too,” Downey continued, though his soft eyes stayed on me. 

Then he turned to Chris with a harder look of determination, really trying to drive his point home. “Anyone who knows you at all, Evans, knows that you’ve been looking for something like this for a long time.” I felt Chris’s grip tighten around my waist, not nearly ready to let me go any time soon. I knew Robert was right. Even though I hadn’t known Chris for all that long, we got along better than I did with anyone else before. It was like we’d known each other forever even when it’d only been a few weeks and I figured, with Chris’s age and his eagerness to settle down, he’d been waiting even longer than that. “Don’t let it slip away because of other people’s opinions.” Chris nodded against my shoulder, still holding me close as if I’d run off, which I guess I tried to. “If you can’t follow your heart and tell anyone else who has something to say about it to fuck right off thank you very much, then I don’t know who could,” Robert finished with a confident smile. I thought it was funny, like he was trying to make it rub off on my boyfriend. 

Chris nodded, hesitantly at first and then faster with more assuredness as what his friend said sunk in. “Now, get it together and realize that you’ve got a solid foundation with each other. I’ll be damned if you let it crumble over Mackie and Sebastian being dumbasses.”  Robert smirked at us, his usual sly spark returning to his eye. “Start thinking with these a little more,” he paused to poke Chris’s chest just above his heart. “And using these a little less,” Robert said as he tapped my temple. 

Chris stretched an arm around Downey, pulling both of us right to his side. “Thanks,” he breathed out, almost like a sigh of relief. “Don’t know what we’d do without you,” I told Robert, patting his shoulder with gratitude. “Yeah, yeah,” he brushed us off, pulling away from Chris’s embrace as well. “Tell me how much you love me later.” He took a few steps toward the fridge and started pulling out cans of almost everything under the sun, somehow miraculously remembering what everyone ordered when Chris wasn’t even paying attention despite being the one who asked. “We better get all these drinks out there before there’s a riot,” he said, grabbing as many as he could and sliding the rest to Chris and I. “Or worse,” Robert paused dramatically, shoving the fridge closed with his hip. “More jokes.” With that, he turned and left Chris and I standing alone in the kitchen. 

Chris rolled his eyes as he turned to me, reaching for my hand. He played with my fingers for a second, watching our hands as they pressed against each other one digit at a time, before locking them together. “You know I love you a whole lot more than how mad I am at everyone else,” he said with more sincerity than I thought he could muster. It seemed to be all the honesty the world had to offer. I grinned a smile that stretched so far it made my cheeks hurt even more than the blush burned as I nodded and said with just as much integrity, “And I love you even more than that.”

Chris reached to wipe the remainder of my tears with his thumb as he shook his head and drew in a tight breath, feigning contention. “I don’t know about that. It’s like, so much for someone who was about to end things a minute ago,” he joked. Chris gathered so many drinks in his arms there weren’t any left for me to carry. 

I stretched to flick his ear anyway, all but stomping my foot in protest. “I love you a hell of a lot, Evans. So much I was about to end things for your own good,” I argued with a pointed look even though it was pointless. He already knew my heart hadn’t been in it, the problem was that I’d been listening to my head just like Downey said.

He jostled the cans so they all sat in one arm before slipping his free hand into the back pocket of my jeans. “Let’s go show the world just how much then,” Chris laughed as he bent down to press a kiss into my temple, happy to still be by each other’s sides as we joined the rest of the Marvel cast.

Tags: @patzammit , @thegetawaywriter , @coffeebooksandfandom , @captainsteveevans , @intrepidandabitcrazy , @super100012

[the-space-above-the-stars]

shut up, this is a library

na jaemin x reader

summary: You work at the school library, which comes with the unfortunate repercussions of having to deal with Na Jaemin, the captain of the soccer team and incredibly gorgeous school flirt who finds fun in teasing you. 

Word Count: 2.2K

Warnings: none

Genre: fluff

A/N: this is my last one part story coming out because I have a new series starting soon that I’m v excited for!

The SMU library was located just west of the quad, hard to miss. The building had a domed top, complete with a sun-roof, and every inch of the walls were lined with books. Any kid at the campus had been there more than once to cram for a test, or finish an assignment, or in the cases of some people you knew, get some sleep in order to avoid an annoying roommate. 

You were a psychology major, and while that led to a pretty packed schedule, your professor, being absolutely great, never held class on Fridays. So every Friday afternoon, you put on your name tag and went to work at the library, checking out books, helping worried students in a rush to finish a research paper, and finishing up shelving books. 

You pushed the thin metal frame of your glasses higher up your nose as you finished loading the cart with newly returned books that had to be shelved. The librarian was taking a sick leave, leaving you with one other worker who was late again. With a good push, the old cart finally moved, just in time as the bell at the front desk rang. Why they had a bell was a real mystery. “Coming,” you called, wheeling the cart out of the back room. “How can I- oh, it’s you again.” 

There’s another aspect of this job that’s as predictable as the anxiety-riddled kids and your coworker being late, and that was Na Jaemin, who decided to drop in every week, well, to be more exact, every Friday just to talk you up. He flashes you the smile that you’ve basically memorized based on how many times you’ve seen it, his soccer bag thrown over one shoulder as he leans over the desk. “Hey cutie,”  he winks and you have to physically restrain yourself from throttling him. “Come around here often?” His unapologetically loud tone catches the attention of more than a few people, whose eyes are now trained on the school flirt trying to sweet talk the library worker.

“I work here, dumbass, you’ve seen me here for the past 12 weeks.” 

“And I think I speak for both of us when I say it’s been the highlight of our week.” Your eyes practically roll into the back of your head as you walk past him with the cart. “SO I saw you at my game last week. Checking me out on the field?” 

“Don’t over-inflate your ego, balloon boy.” He’s incessant, walking along as you shelve books. “I was there with Mina, she has a crush on Jeno, he likes her too, I’m trying to get them together, keep up. Besides, you’re not much to watch on the field.” 

“I made 6 goals, gorgeous,” he defends, grabbing the book you’re reaching for and sliding it into it’s place. 

“You know, you’d be more help if you actually checked books out. If your cult following saw you at the library, maybe they’d come too. Actually study for once.” 

“Ooh, is this you trying to spend more time with me?” He wiggles his eyebrows and you wack him with a book. 

“What the fuck, no, why would I want to see more of-” you trail off as you stand on your tippy toes to slide an economics book into it’s place, but it’s just out of reach. Jaemin, chuckling, takes it from you and puts it away with ease. “Beanpole,” you grumble. 

“Shortcake.” 

“Isn’t this the part of your visit where I reject you and you assure me you’ll win me over before you leave?” 

“Usually, but I’m shifting things up a bit, routine is boring. Looks like you need some help shelving all these books and from what it looks like, you’re the only person working here. And you’re- somewhat vertically challenged, unlike me.” 

“So what you’re saying,” you sighed, sidestepping him and stepping on your tip toes to slip another book into place. “Is that you serve the same purpose as a step stool?” 

“Ha ha, very funny.” He deadpans, grabbing some books from your cart. “Like you said before, sweetheart, my cult following means more business for the library,” 

“Okay, so how do I know you won’t just flirt with them as I do all the work?” 

“Sugar, you’re the only girl I’m flirting with,” he winks and you roll your eyes, shoving him away. “Come on, I need some sort of reaction from you,” he whines and you clap a hand over his mouth. 

“Shut up, this is a library.” 

“And I’m flirting with you,” 

“Really? I didn’t notice. You’re losing your touch, Na.” But he stays on your heels as you work your way around your library. “Look, you wanna work here? Talk to the librarian when she comes in tomorrow, she goes through potential applicants.” 

“And what if I want a date with you?” 

“Well I can’t make it too easy for you, now can I? Then it’s just boring.” 

“Oh, so you’re admitting you like me?” And suddenly he’s too close, leaning over the other side of the cart with his face centimeters away from yours and the bookshelf pressed against your back. You scoff, looking away as you slip out of the small space. “Deny it all you want, princess, you know you love me.” 

“I’d love to kick you in the-” 

“Jaemin!” Haechan calls him from the entrance of the library, looking very stressed. “Come on, practice is starting soon!” 

“Buzzkill,” Jaemin sighs, but still flashes you the same flirty grin. “You know where to find me, babe.” 

“Great, so will the hit man I send after you.” With a roll of his eyes, another wink and a blown kiss, he mimes putting a phone up to his ear and mouthing “call me” before Haechan drags him out of the library, looking very exasperated. You finally allow your face to flush, leaning your forehead against the cold wood of the bookshelf. Na Jaemin, you’re going to be the death of me. 

***

The next week, you make your way to the library again, being greeted by the librarian before heading to the back room again. “Hana, how much did you- you’re not Hana.” And suddenly it’s like a bad dream come to life because Na Jaemin’s shoveling book’s onto a cart with a smug smirk you’d like to slap off of his face. “What the fuck are you doing here?” You groan, dropping your bag onto a corner and pinching your arm to make sure this is real. 

“Shut up, princess, this is a library,” he mocks, tossing a book at you. “Some girl came in asking for this, she should be still waiting at the desk.” 

Sure enough, there’s a girl waiting for her copy of A Tale of Two Cities outside. She smiles slyly at you, leaning over the table as you scan her student ID. “Does Na Jaemin really work here now?” 

“Yeah but-” 

“Hey babe,” Jaemin pokes his head out. “Give me a hand with these?” The girl’s face drops, automatically pulling an assumption about the two of you as Jaemin grins and your face blushes bright red. You don’t look at her as you hand her the book, whacking Jaemin on the back of the head. “Ow, what did I do?” 

“You idiot, she thinks we’re dating!” 

“What’s so wrong with that?” He smirks, getting a little too close for comfort as he leans forward over the other side of the cart. 

“So many things, just so many things.” 

“Come on, I started working here, I can’t be that bad.” 

“Is that a question or a statement? Don’t you have soccer practice today?” 

“Aww, you pay that much attention to my schedule?” 

“What?!” You shove him and he laughs. “No, stop-” 

“It’s alright, beautiful, I get it. And no, I moved practice to Thursdays.” 

“Just so you could work at the library?” He nods, not giving it much thought. You on the other hand, are starting to turn pink and bury your face into a copy of Milk and Honey as if you’re checking out the bar code. 

*** So Na Jaemin is finally starting to not get on your nerves. He gets in earlier than you, and while his flirting hasn’t completely stopped, he has stopped throwing around pet names and asking you out on dates. He does also get a lot of work done, so he’s nice to have around in that aspect, and- okay, maybe you’re starting to like the guy. 

“Hey gorgeous,”. He stopped throwing the nicknames around, doesn’t mean he’s stopped using them in entirety. It’s well into February and Jaemin walks in late for the first time, pulling a snow-sprinkled beanie off his head and placing a starbucks cup on the desk in front of you. “For you, keeper of books.” 

You roll your eyes, but take a sip. “White chocolate mocha, how’d you-” 

“I have my sources,” he winks and takes a sip of his own coffee, which looks like if someone turned the souls of the innocent into liquid. He doesn’t even flinch as he takes a long gulp, and you’re slightly worried for the man. “SO what are we doing today?” 

“Well no one’s here so there’s nothing really to do but stamp some of these cards.” 

“Some?” He gestures to the large pile of books next to you that still need to be stamped, and you just shrug. “Okay, two people can take this down faster, hand me a book.” 

***

“NO! That did not go in!” Jaemin protested. A few hours later and you both had finished stamping the rest of the books. With nothing left to do, you both had turned to a regular game of table football, but you were on the ground, so was it floor football? Ground football? Your mind was racing, probably because after finishing your own drink, you and Jaemin had shared the rest of his, and all that espresso was really making you both giddy. 

“It so did!” You roll your eyes and pick up the little paper football, ignoring Jaemin’s outcries. “Which means I’m 2 points ahead of you!” 

“Oh yeah, well one last round, winner takes everything,” Jaemin offers, leaning over and daintily plucking the piece of paper from your fingers. 

“What are we betting?” You pout, slumping back to the ground and forming a goal as Jaemin lines the football up. 

“Okay, we each go twice, and the winner decides what the loser has to do.” 

“Fine.” Jaemin positions the football and takes his shot. It clearly passes through your goal, and you wrinkle your nose at him. “Show-off.” 

“Just go for it.” Your first one  flies through Jaemin’s goal easily, and his next one does the same. “It’s all on you, L/N,” he teases, passing the football over to you between his thumb and index finger. 

Oh god, what was he gonna make you do it you lost? You positioned the football, ready to win and make Na Jaemin do whatever you wanted when-

ding, ding, the bell rung just as you pulled your finger back to flick the ball. You flinched and the football passed to the right, missing the goal by a few inches. Jaemin snorted, pumping his fist up in victory. “no, no no no, the bell rang, that doesn’t count” 

“Uh uh, one last round, L/N, we didn’t say any more! I win!” He disappears to answer the bell and you sigh, laying in worry as to what he’s gonna make you do. 

When he comes back, you’re getting up. “Hey, hey, where do you think you’re going, we have a bet to handle.” 

“Ugh, fine, what do I have to do?” You groan. Cheer for him at all his games, set him up with a friend? Cover your shift all by yourself? 

“Go on a date with me.” 

“Wait, what?” He smiles, not a smirk or a grin, just a small smile and bends down to your eye level, repeating the words again.

“Go. on. a. date. with. me. tomorrow.” 

“You want to go out with me?” 

“Thanks for finally noticing,” he laughs. “Come on, I think your opinion of me has raised enough for one date. And if it does bad, I’ll let the whole thing go, forever. I promise.” 

What’s stopping you? It’s just one date, anyway, but what scares you is if it becomes more than just one date. “Okay,” you nod, still in shock. “Tomorrow, 6:00, pick me up from my dorm.” 

Jaemin laughs again and grabs you by the shoulders, pulling you in for a hug. You smile, and then he catches you off guard by kissing your cheek. “Finally, it took me 6 months to get a date with you! Uh, okay, 6:00, I’ll pick you up, dress casual- yeah, okay. Our shift is over, I gotta go!” Scooping up his bag, he waves one last time before disappearing from the back room. 

Still in a haze from everything that just happened, you sink against the wall, smiling as you bury your head in your hands, the small paper football still closed in one. What were you getting yourself into? 

[sparksinthenight]

I feel scared about posting this but the truth needs to be revealed.

So I just had a terrifying yet potentially revelatory nightmare.

Idk how to describe it. It was all very creepy. So, it was winter. But it wasn't how winters are out in the woods or the fields or anything, with everything being peaceful and friendly and full of life, the cold stirring up your energy and the ice bringing forth wonder. Nah, I love nature-winter, just as I love nature-summer and nature-spring and nature-fall.

But no this was city-winter. It was sharp and unforgiving and tinted dark with air pollution. The buildings were gray, the air was gray, the streetlights towered and cars sped by, leaving thick trails of smoke. Candy wrappers and cigarettes littered the ground and the sidewalk was frozen hard under your shoes. It was the kind of day unhoused people dreaded. The kind of day I would have had to suffer through wearing torn shoes and a too-thin coat while waiting outside at the bus stop. It was the kind of day where you really feel the effects of capitalism, in all it's uncaring nightmare glory, beating down on you.

I had just walked out of my school and towards the crowded bus stop at the end of the street. On my way, I met these two girls. They were very pretty but there was something off-putting about them. Something dangerous. They were handing everyone free money. Three dollars, in the form of a loony and a toony. They told me it was for a birthday, which was kind of weird but okay. I put the money in my pocket, beside my bus ticket, intending to give it to someone who needed it.

I joined the crowd that was  waiting for the bus. There were many people waiting anxiously for the bus to arrive. They were just as cold as I was, in pain in the frigid weather. This part of the dream actually doesn’t make sense in real life since other people waiting for the bus tend to have much better and more wether-resistant clothes than me. So they tend to not be cold in the ten-fifteen minutes at most that we have to wait. But for some goddamn reason today everyone was wearing shitty clothes made more for the autumn than the winter. Anyways, it gets worse.

I was waiting for the Number 6 bus. As I usually am. So were a lot of other people. As they usually are. But the first bus spend by us. The second bus was not in service. The third bus was on route to go to all the wrong places. We kept waiting and waiting and more buses passed us by. It was starting to get dark. We were cold. We were desperate. We could see the worry in each others’ eyes. We waited and waited until finally a bus came by. It was more of a van than a bus really. Small. But it it could take some of us. We all lined up, chasing the bus as it came to a stop, crowding around the edge of the sidewalk. We tried to all cram in there as much as we could. But the bus driver - a fat man with dark greying hair and amused eyes - sped away after only accepting two of us.

I was on the bus. I felt really bad that it had left my comrades behind. It wasn’t fair. But there was an energy of fear in the bus, sharp and sticky and cloying. Hidden by the uncharacteristicallly plush seats and the merry mood of the driver. I look around. The other people in the bus had anxiety in their eyes. But while talking to them they assured me that the bus would take us to our destinations.

The bus driver was jovial, in good spirits, and assured us he would take us where we wanted to go. For a while we drove by, familiar buildings passing by as we went down the well-known road. But then the familiar buildings became unfamiliar ones, increasingly unfamiliar ones as we twisted and turned through the streets. I was so lost. I had no idea where we were or where to get off. Eventually the driver took us to the arena district - which was the most posh entertainment district in the city, filled with very expensive clubs and bars and restaurants and casinos and stuff I didn’t even know. He made us get off of the bus into the cold, harsh, bitter and unforgiving morning outside.

His appearance had changed. He became tall and slender. The colour of his skin, hair, nails, everything, was the same colour as the winter outside. His dark eyes were full of cruelty, full of a raging, ferocious, corrupted hunger. Not the hunger of not having food, no. Not the hunger of actually being hungry. This was the hunger of wanting more, more, always more. Of never being satisfied. His nails were just a bit to sharp, just a bit too pointed, almost not human. His eyes were just a bit too dark, the colour a bit too indecipherable, and they were hungry, hungry, hungry. They were powerful. And they were raging. Inside him, you could tell, was a bottomless pit. One you could fill and fill and fill and fill and it would still be deep, and dark, and bottomless. His face was set in a cruel, severe expression. He didn’t look human. Not really. But almost. You could believe that he was human, if you only glanced over him. Not if you looked at him for a while though. If you focused on him, you could tell. That he wasn’t human. He was a black hole given human form.

He told us that we needed to work for him now. We needed to work to make him money. He told us that he must make money and we owe it to him to work. After all, he had so generously driven us. Never mind that he didn’t even drive us where we wanted to go, I thought but didn’t dare say out loud. None of us dared speak. We were all terrified of him. We were all acutely aware of the terrible and all-encompassing power he held over us. And we were all aware of the terrible and destructive rage he would fly into if we didn’t do as he said. We were all aware that we were stuck. And that he had powers we did not know. Even if there were no walls, no fences, no chains binding us. Even if we could technically make a run for it. We couldn’t. He would kill us. We knew that money was what he hungered for. Money was what he used to fill the ever-continuing, ever-reaching, ever-growing abyss inside him. We knew that he had a dark and twisted desire, a cold and cruel desire for money, money, more money. Consuming like  some sort of demon. Which we was. No, he was worse. Demons weren’t real. There was nothing not real about him. He said that we had to do the jobs he told us to do. It was freezing and we were cold, cold, cold. But we were terrified. He told us that we had to do repairs and other maintenance around the arena district. We had to repair the tall, shining, artfully architected buildings that people spent their Friday evenings and weekends at. We had to keep the district up and running. Keep it pretty and beautiful as it shone full of metal and stone and glass. We had to serve him. And line his pockets. Nobody could see us. Nobody could hear us scream. Not unless we got away from him.

He put us to work immediately. We had to scale the large, spiralling buildings without any protective equipment. We had to work up there perching on the ridges and folds

... I’m too terrified to write any more. I don’t know what about this dream scared me so much but I am so fucking terrified and I need to take a moment before I go on ...

I think I should describe the district. Most of the buildings were really new-age. They had walls and roofs that curved and folded and bent over themselves and twisted and spiralled and rolled like hills. It was all very artistic. It was all very materialistic. It was all very decadent and opulent. There were tall buildings that stretched up into the sky and wide buildings that sprawled out across multiple blocks, connected by twisting, glittering interior bridges. There were glittering and polished windows. Often the windows were from floor to ceiling. Often the windows took up the space of the entire wall. Often the walls were made of glittering metal. A very popular way to gild walls was with folded, overlapping panels of shiny silverish metal. There were also many buildings built with the straight edges and straight walls of the slightly older building style. They were all very tall, very straight, very imperious, as they stretched up towards the cloud-swamped, softly glowing sky. They were very clean. They had large windows, the bottom floors always being made of looming floor-to ceiling windows that were clear as crystal. They had many ledges and ridges. Like I said before all the metal was shining silvery-grey, sometimes more silver and sometimes more grey. But always so very clean. Sometimes it was reflecting like a mirror. Sometimes it was had such a certain lustre that it almost glowed. Sometimes it almost had a sickly yellow tint. Sometimes it had a blue tint. Sometimes it even managed to have a pink tint. The stone, on the other hand, used in buildings, was imperious gray, jet black, shimmery brown, blood red, rich maroon, light creme, or even sometimes granite. Everything was so opulent. Everything was so rich. Everything was so oppressive.

The atmosphere was oppressive and heavy and it was dark and twisted. The surroundings held no life in them. Not any of the spark of life and kindness that lit up the kinder parts of the world. The air was polluted, polluted, oh so polluted. Everything was heavy and pressing. The world, the world around us was uncaring, apathetic, twisted, dangerous, and cruel. It was almost suffocating. An air of danger, hung thick all around. An air of terror, of unholiness, of corruption pressing and swirling in the weight of the air all around. It was claustrophobic despite - no because of - the grand scale of everything.

We couldn’t take in the “beauty” of it. We couldn’t notice any of the grandeur. It mattered not to us but rather passed by beyond our reach.

We were too busy being tired, sick, aching, scared, and cold in our hearts and in our bodies and in our minds. We were too busy being caught up in work, work, work. We were too busy pushing ourselves forward in the repetitive, agonizing, mind-numbing labour we were forced to do. We were too busy freezing and ignoring how we were freezing. We were too busy feeling our life force drain from us. We were too busy being tired, body and soul, and ignoring the tiredness in order to make him more and more and more money. We were too busy trying to ignore how our arms and legs and everything ached. We were too busy pushing ourselves to do dangerous work and feeling how it felt to not know if you were going to die or not. We were too busy not having anything. We were too busy being exploited. We were too busy slowly dying. We were too busy feeling pain and fear and death. Death hung over us ever-present.

He sent us up buildings, to scale walls and stand on ledges and balance on folds and whatnot, shining and cleaning and repairing without any safety equipment. We had no nets or harnesses or anything to protect us from falling. We had no helmets or any other protective gear. We had no warm clothes to protect us from the majority of the winter’s chill. We had to work, work, work at a brutal, frantic pace, pressing our hands and bodies onto the cold of the stone and metal and glass.

I remember being up high, on top of the curve of a folded, new-age wall. Straddling the curving slope on either side. I had a bucket of cold, soapy water that was making my hands burn but I had to clean the building. All the while making sure I didn’t fall off and die. I remember hating it so much and feeling myself die. But I was trapped in a crystal of his corrupted making. I couldn’t do anything.

The people entertaining themselves and going about their day in all the bars and restaurants paid no attention to us, to our misery. They couldn’t see us and even if they could they wouldn’t care. They had cushy, intellectual day jobs that paid well, that they did in the safety of an office, that they pretended to hate so they could justify their lavish spending habits. Meanwhile the monster was getting richer and richer. And still he wasn’t satisfied. He was never satisfied.

Every time we finished a job we had to come to him. He sat ruler-straight, imperious, and ever hungry. And we were aching and tired and we just wanted to rest. But he didn’t care. He gave us no rest. He just gave us another job. And we had to go do it. We had no rest. No time to sooth our bleeding souls. No time to find some peace and calm. We only had the constant demand of filling his ever-expanding emptiness with coins that were as poisoned and tainted as he was.

We didn’t want to but we were scared of him, so scared of him, so scared about what he would do to us, what he could do to us. He was unholy, and his unholiness extended out to all the world around us, choking us, poisoning us, feeding off of us. But he was all-powerful. His corruption was everywhere. His spirit reached out in all directions like electric wire, watching us, keeping us in line.

I wanted to escape, to go somewhere I could call home. We all did.

I was picking up trash from the stone courtyard of a great library/movie theatre when I figured out. I was between the slanted walls of two cold, looming glass pyramids. Despite the fact that the public sidewalks were littered with trash, the grounds of private property had to be kept clean. It almost felt protected though, between those sloping walls that provided the illusion of privacy. I realized what he was. I realized what he was doing to us. I had felt my life force draining out of me bit by bit but I had never paid attention to it. I had never known why. But now I knew. I felt it. He was drinking us. He was draining our life force and turning it into corrupted money for him to consume. He was slowly killing us and soon we would be dead. I knew I had to escape. I knew we had to escape. But how? We had no power.

He made us gather around. He told us that if any of us gave him six dollars he would let that person go. But none of us had that kind of money. At most we had three dollars from the girls on the street corner but many of us didn’t even have that. I saw his offer clearly for what it was, a ploy to make himself seem good and reasonable while keeping us trapped in servitude anyways. He wanted to seem like he wasn’t interested in oppressing us, only in making money. But I knew how he was draining our life force for money. I knew how draining us and oppressing us was inextricably tied to his ability to make money.

I had to think of a plan.

One time I was working near the very edges of where he was keeping us trapped. I was separated from him by two walls made of rough stone. They were also granting me the illusion of privacy. On the ground I saw some coins. A toony and two loonies as well as a few quarters and nickels. I was shot through with amazement and hope. But upon closer inspection I saw that the money had the unmistakable quality of being tinged with the type of corruption that can only come from him. The money was unmistakably his. And this was a trap. Of course it was, it was too good to be true. Just a bit more than the money I needed to get free, and then some. He wanted me to pocket his change, to bring the money to him asking to be let go. And then he would accuse me of stealing and he would utterly destroy me. He would scrape the flesh off my bones and tear into my throat and drink my blood and bite into my bones and leave nothing left. Maybe he knew I was onto him. And he wanted to consume the last bit of me that he could. But still. I had to get free. I had to get free. I had to get free.

I pocketed the larger coins, too cautious to waste my time picking up the handful of smaller ones. He could come at any second. I did not intend to give him the money. But I knew that in this world, money was hard to come by and people could use it to keep themselves alive. I intended to give the money, along with the other money I already had, to someone who actually needed it. I don’t know what happened after that. Maybe the rebellious act of stealing had given me the power I needed to break out of the spell for just a little bit. But I just started running as fast as my legs could carry me. I ran and I ran and I ran through the forcefield that had been keeping us in. I knew I ignited his anger. I felt it the moment that I was free from the force field. So I kept running. My legs were sore and aching but they felt invigorated. My lungs were sore as I fought for every bit of oxygen I could get. I kept running and running until I reached my home.

For some reason my home was my science teacher’s house. Like, my science teacher from real life. I’ll tell you about her or else this part won’t make sense. In the “real” world, the world outside the dream, where you and me and everybody lives out their waking lives, this woman was my science teacher and now she teaches other people. I’m not going to tell you what year she taught me because on the off chance that she ends up reading this it would be incredibly awkward for her to know that she saved me from a capitalism demon in a dream that I had. Anyways, she really likes nature and really cares about the environment and taught me a lot of what I know about climate activism and stuff. She’s also really nice to all her students and she’s a communist.

Anyways in the dream she was all of that and she was also my mother.

In the dream I ran to her. And she felt bright and new and green like nature-spring. I told her everything that had happened. She told me that she knew what kind of creature he was. She had travelled the world and heard many stories of what exists beyond the physical reality. He was a Capitalist, a terrifying and dangerous creature that had an everlasting hunger for money and grew fat from harvesting the life force of humanity. She told me she didn’t know how to get rid of him but that I must try, and I had her support.

I was scared. But I was also full of determination. I knew I had to end him. I had to end him immediately. I knew that I had a high chance of failing. A high chance of dying. A high chance of getting enslaved again and having my life force drained out of me. I did not care. I knew I also had a chance of killing him.

I marched up to him. He looked at me with his terrifying, dark eyes, and he snarled. I told him that if he wanted money he could come get the money. I held a toony up. He opened his mouth and rushed at me. But I jammed the coin into the roof of his mouth, making him bleed. He howled in pain as I jammed another coin into the roof of his mouth and two into the floor of his mouth, under his tongue. He howled in pain as he bled to death. And then finally, he was gone. Dissolved and carried away by the wind. Into nothingness. My friends were free! They were safe! They could go home and rest and live their lives as free people. They smiled and cheered.

But I still had the coins that I stole from him, which carried his corrupted essence. I was unsure of what to do with them. It was then that I realized. He might be gone but there were so many other creatures that were just like him. That were on the prowl. That were gaining power and draining their own victims and making the world what it was. We lived in hell.

I startled awake. Out of the dream. Into real life. I was so overwhelmingly scared. I tried really hard to forget about the dream, to stop thinking about it, to put it behind me. But I could remember his sharp teeth and his empty, abyssal eyes and his hard, uncaring expression. I felt his power all around me. And my heart thudded in my chest. He was coming to get me. He was coming to get me. He was coming to get me. But then I realized. That words have power. If I could explain to the world what happened, if I could explain what he was, what he did. If people knew about him. If more people knew. Then he would have less power. Then he would be foiled. I needed to fight him in real life, just as I had in the dream.

It’s true that I woke up terrified but I woke up safe. I woke up in a house that was mine despite not being the home I wished was mine. I woke up secure. So many people don’t. So many children wake up separated from their families all alone in dark rooms on hard floors. They’re all alone. They’re young. They’re small. They’re uncared for and unloved by all that surround them. They have no one they could call and no-one that would hear them if they did call. They have only their fear. Only their grief. Only their aloneness. They have no-one and they have to be quiet and not wake anyone. They can’t even cry. They can’t even scream. They have no-one to comfort them. No-one to help them. No-one that sees them as a person. No-one that sees them as a child. No-one who holds them and strokes their hair and tells them it will be alright. They just have to lie there silently, flooded with fear, silently trembling as they drown in their terror and grief. Young and already a victim of the system’s destructiveness, of the cruelty of the people who benefit from it.

And I know because I’ve met children like that. I’ve turned my nose up at them. I’ve stayed silent to their injustice. You don’t know what happens in places that aren’t the West. You don’t know what gets hidden and swept under the rug and never talked about and never taken seriously even if it is. We divide the world up into meet little categories that can easily be sorted. Put strangers in neat little boxes. Think that we can learn everything important about their whole lives from just a glance. We justify our wealth however we can. People are individuals not groups. 

[criminalmindskink]

I’m Sorry S.R.

Warnings: Just language I believe. Angst/Fluff.

Word Count: 2346

As always, my request and inbox remain open. Enjoy loves. 

Work has been absolute hell today. Between the ignorant people and overbearing coworkers, I feel drained. There’s a part of me that knows I should move jobs, find somewhere better for my mental health. The thing is, I’ve become attached to the people there. Certain customers bring a smile to my face while my coworkers have become family to me.

I walk into my apartment and stop with my back against the door. My eyes draw shut as I breathe in the atmosphere; it feels amazing to be home. As I walk through my kitchen I deposit my bag and coat on a chair at the table. I release my hair from its confinement before shaking it loose, feeling a bit more free with every step I take. I begin to unbutton my shirt as a journey to my bedroom, almost drooling at the thought of a hot shower.

As I finish my journey I deposit my shirt into my laundry basket, my pants and undergarments not far behind. A small smile graces my face as I dance the entire way to the bathroom. I start the shower with the hot knob turned to the max, it’s partner only turning a centimeter or two. I back track to my bathroom counter and turn on the speaker I keep there, I’m sure my neighbors wouldn’t mind a good concert.

I pick the current song stuck in my head, hot girl bummer by blackbear, and turn the volume up to max. My smile gets a bit brighter as the song begins to play, my anxieties and stress beginning to leave me. I run my hands through my hair before returning to my shower. I jump in to be greeted by the steaming water falling over my body, beginning to bounce on the balls of my feet as I wash myself clean of the day’s filth. The lyrics are now falling from my lips as I begin to daydream in the shower.

Fuck you, and you, and you

I hate your friends and they hate me too

I'm through, I'm through, I'm through

This that hot girl bummer anthem

Turn it up and throw a tantrum

I’m snapped back to the present as the water runs cold, quickly causing me to run from the freeze storm taking over my body. I chuckled to myself as my teeth chatter, my body feeling much more breathable. I grab a towel from the rack and begin to dry my body as the song Something In Your Mouth by Nickelback begins to play. My feet start to dance around the bathroom as my head begins to rock back and forth to the song. Once my hair is relatively dry I grab my robe from the bathroom door and drape myself with it. I let out a laugh as I continue to headband to the music before reaching to grab my mud mask from the counter.

Crafty little lip tricks

Tattoos on her left hip

She bending as your spending

There's no ending it so baby come on

Dressed up like a princess

Bettin' that her skin smells better

Than the scent of every flower in the desert, come on

I put my hair back with a hair clip before rubbing the mask over my face. As I’m doing this the song changes again, taking my mood with it. It begins to play the song Need Somebody by Xuitcasecity, drawing a memory to the forefront of my mind.

Yeah the taste of love but he fucked up and now your numb,

You said your over and done

Over and done with love,

I know that you can do it all by yourself,

You probably really don't need my help,

But we all need somebody to love,

We all need somebody.

FLASHBACK

Tears fall from my eyes as I look at the man in front of me. How could he do this to me? How could he accuse me of something like this? I run my hands through my hair roughly before shaking my head somberly. “If that’s how you feel Spencer, if that’s how you view me, you can leave.” I cry out while pointing to the door. 

His tongue slides between his teeth as his eyes dart from me to the door. “Kouver, listen I’m sorry. I had a bad case, I didn’t mean it” he chokes out, realizing what he’s done. 

I broken chuckle leaves me as I rub my face. “No Reid. You come into my house and accuse me of cheating on you? Me! I’ve never done anything but support you. I’ve never betrayed you or sent you away. I’ve placed my entire heart into this relationship and this is what I get in return? What, because you had a bad day? Did you even stop to think about me? About my day or about how I feel? I’m not you’re emotional punching bag! Get the fuck out.” I snarl before giving him a look of pure disgust. 

I won’t lie, he looks a mess. His hair is wrecked, bags under his eyes, his suit a bit tattered. It breaks my heart to see him this way, but I can’t let this continue to happen. Him having a bad day doesn’t excuse the way he’s treated me recently. “Please just listen to me baby, I’m sorry. I was wrong, please don’t do this.” He sobs out in return. Tears of his own begin to fall as he begs. 

I walked over to him and place my hand on his back, leading him to the door. “Call me when you remember how to treat the people you love Spence. My heart can’t take this every time you have a bad day. I love you and I’ll always support you, but I won’t take being treated like this. I’m sorry.” My voices comes out cracked and broken, showing my true emotions. 

I shut the door, placing my back to it, before sliding to the floor as sobs begin to wreck my body. They always say if you love something, let it go. I’ve done that, now I just have to see if he’ll come back.

I shake away the memory before shutting the speaker off. That was two weeks ago, dwelling on it won’t make him return to me. I guess the worst part is that I’m craving to run to him, to drown in his embrace. I had been speaking the truth when I said my heart couldn’t take it. It had begun to kill me when he lashed out that way. I’m not even sure how it began to be honest. In the beginning if a case had gotten to him, he’d come to me. Sometimes we would talk about it, other times we would just cuddle, an odd few times he’d take it out by claiming me. On those nights he would act one of two ways. Sometimes it was love making, sweet nothings and deep thrusts. Other times it was rough, possessive, he’d claim me while constantly reminding me I belonged to him.

Those are the ways I’m all in for. The cuddles, late talks, or late nights; I’d welcome them all. Somehow along the way every single one of those turned to angry screaming and hasty accusations. No matter how hard I tried, I could never calm him. All I ever want to do is heal every single one of his wounds, hell I’d bend myself in half if it meant he could live in peace.

I make my way to my kitchen and grab a bottle of whiskey from the cabinet before padding into my living room. Once I make it to the couch I fall back and heave a deep sigh. My eyes stray to my bag on the counter, wondering if I should check on him. Would he want that? Is he okay? I shake the thought from my mind before taking a long drag from the bottle. Maybe he’s happier without me, maybe he feels a bit more free. He already has so much on his shoulders, who's to say I was nothing more than unwanted stress?

I tilt the bottle to my roof, “here’s to forgetting” I mumble out before draining the rest of bottle in one drag. For half a second I question the fact I’m becoming an alcoholic before shrugging my shoulders. Everyone has different ways of dealing with life, mines just a bit less healthy. I grab the TV remote before bringing Netflix onto the screen and begin prowling for something to watch. Supernatural always gets me out of my funk, come on old faithful make me happy. I press play before grabbing the empty bottle and retreating to the kitchen to trash it.

I opened my freezer to grab a tub of ice cream before grabbing a spoon from the drawer. My nose scrunches as a giggle leaves my mouth, my mood already brightening. Returning to the cabinet I grab another bottle of whiskey, truly planning on forgetting my worries for one night. Taking my treasures back to the living room I open both containers and hit play on the tv.

I’m chuckling as Dean is currently smarting off to a couple of cops attempting to question him. If only I could speak freely to the smart ass cops that come into my work, it would be therapeutic. I take another swig of the bottle before I hear my doorbell go off. My eyebrows come together before I look to the clock on the wall. It’s two o’clock in the morning, who in their right mind is at my door?

Padding to the front door I look through the peephole finding Spencer standing there looking worse for wear. His shirt is untucked, his eyes are red, his hair standing straight up. His right cheek is cut open and sporting a giant dark purple bruise. A gasps leaves my lips before I throw the door open and dash out to him. My hand grabs his own before dragging him into my apartment, placing him on my couch. I stumble on my feet a bit as I rush to the restroom to grab the first aid kit.

I return to him in a rush before sitting on the coffee table in front of him. His hands come out to rest on my legs, the look on his face showing his attempt to ground himself. I begin to clean up his face as he watches me intently. “Kouver” He gets out before I’m quieting him with a gentle shush. He bites his bottom lip before grabbing my hand that’s doctoring his face. “Please, I miss you. I’m sorry for how I treated you. I don’t know what had gotten into me, truly. I’ve read studies, watched documentaries, and spoken to Garcia trying to find the answer. Every single turn left me more confused. Please just know I will never treat you like that again. I love you. You’re my queen, my soulmate, please take me back.” He all but sobs out to me. Throughout his speech he keeps eye contact with me, his despair showing clear in his eyes.

Placing my hand on his unharmed cheek I lean forward to nuzzle his nose with my own. I stand from the coffee table before placing myself onto his lap, attempting to calm the shakes that have overtaken his body. I resume cleaning up his cheek before his arms wrap around my waist. He quietly accepts the doctoring while he awaits my answer. I finish up his face, placing the materials onto the side table, before wrapping my arms around his neck. My forehead rest upon his while breathing in his scent. “Spencer, I love you. I know you never meant the things you said, but I need you to understand how they affect me. Of course I’ll give you another chance. I couldn’t shut you out for anything, I’ve missed you like hell. Just please, I’m begging, don’t treat me that way. I’m here for you no matter what. I’m your ride or die, but you have to talk to me. Whatever you need baby I’m here.” I say onto his lips, resisting the urge to kiss away his pain. I need him to want this too, to want me.

A smile graces his face before he captures my lips in a passionate kiss. One of his hands come up to the back of my head, gently holding me. His head backs away from the kiss before he shoves his face into my neck. He breathes in deeply there, his embrace tightens a bit as he hugs me. After a moment he backs away as his hands fall to my hips. “I love you Kouver. From now on, every day, I’m going to show you just how much love I have for you.” He begins to pepper kisses all over my face, “I’m going to worship, and love, and shower you with affection. You hear me? You’re a queen and I plan to show you that.” He says with adoration in his eyes. His declaration causes a giggle to leave my mouth as my face hides in his neck.

He laughed out before attempting to bring my face back to his. “Oh ho oh, are you hiding from me? I don’t think so missy!” He shouts out before he begins to tickle me. I begin to wiggle and shriek as he attacks my sides.

My laugh becomes untamable as he flips me to my back and hovers over me. “Spence, stop it you meanie!” I playfully shout before leaning up to nip his neck. His hands stall before coming to rest on both sides of my face. We’re both breathing ruggedly as we grin to each other, truly happy. My hand comes up to gently rub his wounded cheek, “I love you baby” I softly state as I take him in fully.

His smile turns into a cheek splitting grin before he lowers himself to nuzzle my nose again. “I love you baby girl” He returns in a gentle tone before capturing my lips in another sweet kiss. I’m not a hundred percent sure what’s happened to him since our fight, but I’m sure as hell glad to have him back. I missed my genius, and I don’t plan on ever letting him leave again.

“True love doesn't happen right away; it's an ever-growing process. It develops after you've gone through many ups and downs, when you've suffered together, cried together, laughed together.” - Ricardo Montalban

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