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babymetaldoll · 3 years

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DIWK - Chapter four: "Hurt"

Words count: 13,7K

The gif is mine ✨

Warnings: Hardcore Spencer trauma. Mention of drug abuse, torture, Criminal Minds usual case triggers. Spoilers of Season 2 E14/15 Criminal Minds.

Summary: An unsub abducts Spencer, and reader blames JJ for it.

A/N: Have you ever wished you were there to save Spencer from Tobias Hankel? I know I have. I know reader wants to... I'm dying to know what you'll think of this chapter! Sorry if it's a little too graphic, writing Spencer's POV of this episode was really hard.

Series Masterlist

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(Y/N)'s point of view

I remember the day Emily Prentiss arrived. We had a case in Saint Louis. Two serial killers, 'cos it couldn't just be one asshole making everyone miserable. And on top of all, Hotch was confused and upset 'cos he never signed Emily's transfer to the BAU. It was like someone was trying to force her into the team, and we all thought it was weird.

We left the bullpen off to the case and left Prentiss in the office, not knowing if she actually got the job or not. I know Elle and I weren't incredibly close, but it still felt weird to think someone might join the team and try to replace her. It didn't work that way in that job. It didn't feel right at the moment.

There is something I also distinctly remember about that day: Gideon talked to me. And not only that, but he actually trusted my knowledge. We hadn't been on the best terms for a few months, so that approach meant a lot to me.

We were at the police station. Reid and I had been analyzing the letters one of the killers had sent to a journalist to find something that might help us catch him before there were any more victims. That's when JJ and Jason walked in, and he asked about our progress.

- "He only sent this to an individual, which shows he is not confident enough to initiate contact with the masses."- Spencer explained as he projected an image of the letter on the wall.

- "Emotional indicators are analyzed through slants, and you can see the shooter maintains vertical, narrow letter writing, and both are signs of repression"- I said and pointed at the image on the wall- "And the pressure, if you look closely, it's excessively heavy, which shows that he's uptight and can easily overreact."

Gideon looked at me and nodded. It was my cue to keep on talking. For once in a long time, I was feeling approved by him.

- "You got all that from his handwriting?"- JJ asked me, surprised. Reid looked at me from the other side of the room, and I could feel his smile reflecting how proud he was of me.

- "Graphology is an effective and reliable indicator of personality and behavior."

- "But my writing is always different,"- she added, and I nodded. I was waiting for that comment.

- "Yes, because it represents your emotions at the moment, just like your facial expressions parallel the way you are feeling while you are speaking."

- "What else can we know about our unsub from this?"- Gideon asked me.

- "Well, our killer uses simple statements, all first person, like "I won't be ignored," which means he's obviously tired of feeling this way. He may have a job in solitude or one that he feels strips of his identity. His work might require him to wear a uniform, something that shows absolutely no individuality, or he may be overqualified for his menial job and feels that he doesn't get the respect that he necessarily deserves."

I made a pause and waited for his words. I was giving my best, and I swear I was still hoping I could ever get Jason Gideon's blessing.

- "I think we are ready to give a profile,"- he said and nodded.

And damn, that felt good.

When we were back in Quantico, Hotch had a long and clearly awkward conversation with the section chief, Erin Strauss. She was scary. She was clearly trying to get rid of Hotch, questioning his work daily, decisions, and how he managed the team. Why? I have no idea.

It felt she forced him to accept Prentiss into the team. We were one man down after Elle left. Ok, one awesome woman down, so we definitely needed some help. And Emily was a great addition from day one.

We clicked right away. Prentiss was funny, smart, but most of all, she constantly had to prove she deserved to be there. Just like me. Gideon gave her the cold shoulder from day one, and that I could relate. The only difference was that she won him over in a few days, though. I was still trying to win that battle.

Garcia decided we needed a girl's night, and she hosted the first of many "BAU Girl Power get together." Basically, it was us at Penelope's place drinking and talking.

That first night, we updated Prentiss with everything that had happened with Elle. She wanted to know everything about us, what we did, how long we've been on the team, and how we all got along. It was sweet and fresh. After that year in the BAU, I had already learned to enjoy the sweet things in life. Like getting drunk with my work girlfriends.

- "So, does Hotch ever smile?"- Emily asked, and we all laughed at the very same time. Yes, it was getting late, and we weren't as sober as we should have been.

- "He does! he does!"- JJ assured us- "You should see him with his baby."

- "He is a dad?"- Emily was shocked. I was surprised too when I found out Aaron was married and with a baby. The amount of time he spends at work always made me feel he had zero personal life.

- "And has a beautiful wife"- JJ added- "He is always laughing when he is with her and baby Jack."

- "I guess this job can drain the happiness from your day... "- I thought out loud, but before anyone could say anything about my dark and bitter comment, my cell phone rang.

- "Hey honey bunny, everything ok?"- I stood up and walked to the kitchen. I didn't want to interrupt the girl's conversations.

- "Yes, I just wanted to make sure you were drinking enough water between drinks"- I laughed and shook my head. Only Reid could call to say such a thing. He was the sweetest friend on earth.

- "Yes, I am, don't worry. I'm not going to be hungover or drunk tomorrow. I know you are excited about the new exposition."

- "You are gonna love it!"

- "I am sure I will"- and I wasn't kidding. I loved when he dragged me to the Smithsonian or any museum for some nerdy fun.

- "Have fun with the girls."

- "What are you doing, by the way?"

- "Just reading a little, you left your complete Sherlock Holmes collection here, so I'll be solving mysteries while you get drunk."

- "Don't have too much fun without me"- he chuckled and ended the call. I smiled and walked back to the girls looking at me with a funny grin on their faces.

- "Was that your boyfriend?"- Penelope asked me, and I frowned right away.

- "No, it was Reid. He just wanted to confirm we are going to the museum tomorrow."

- "Wait"- Prentiss narrowed her brows and looked at us confused- "Reid ain't your boyfriend?"

JJ and Garcia's laughter was epical, as well as my frown. They nearly gasped for air while Prentiss and I waited until they calmed down.

- "No"- I finally answered- "Reid is not my boyfriend."

- "He is more than that; he is her work husband,"- Penelope clarified, and I turned to her with my mouth wide open, shocked.

- "What the fuck? Reid ain't my work husband. He is my best friend!!"

- "Yes, and you happen to call your best friend "honey bunny," right?"- JJ questioned, just like she had a few months before when we were alone in our room away on a case.

- "Reid is my best friend, and yes, I call all my close friends by weird pet names. You will get one too if you are lucky."

- "But I thought"- Emily continued- "I mean, he looks at you like you are his sun."

- "No, Prentiss, the only coupe in this team is the one between "chocolate thunder" and "baby girl" right here"- I pointed at Garcia, and she just blushed and covered her face.

- "My love for Derek will burn forever with the intensity of a thousand suns. I mean, have you seen that man? he was made by the gods and sent to earth just to give my existence some sense"- we all laughed at those cheesy words, though Pen was serious about them.

- "But, have you ever...?- JJ looked at her and made a pause. We were all looking at every single facial movement or behavior she might show to read her body language."

- "My relationship with my loverman could never be tainted by something as mundane as sex."

- "Like you wouldn't lick honey from that six-pack and ride that thunder."

The words just left my lips, and I blame the buzz. BAU (Y/N) would have never said that. Drunk (Y/N) would, totally.

The girls laughed until tears fell from their eyes, and I just chuckled, honestly happy to make them laugh. I had been more of the real me than I had ever actually been around them in nearly a year.

- "Hello?"- my phone rang again when I was walking out of the bathroom. And this time, it was Paul.

- "Hey babe, what are you doing?"

- "Hey, I'm..."- I looked at the girls in front of me and sighed- "I'm stuck with paperwork"- and they turned to me immediately. I could read the "What the fuck" on their faces.

- "Well, I'm at Rob's in case you feel like dropping by. We are writing a few songs."

- "I'll text you if I finish with this early, but... have fun."

- "Ok, bye"- I hung up and sighed.

- "And that was..."- Prentiss asked, frowning.

- "My boyfriend,"- I explained and grabbed another beer

- "Sure, I could feel the passion,"- Garcia joked, but I just didn't think it was funny.

I knew my relationship with Paul wasn't alright. Actually, things with Paul weren't. Period. We were done, it was apparent, but still, neither of us had said it. That relationship was just a few phone calls every once in a while, only to make small talks. When we were together, we would just watch a movie, eat something, drink a few beers, and that was it. It had been a long time since we had sex or even made out. I don't know why I didn't end it sooner. I guess I was just afraid to do it.

But I let more months pass before I actually did something.

Spencer's point of view

I'm not proud of what happened that year after Prentiss joined the team. I think that year changed me profoundly, and a part of me never fully recovered afterward.

Maybe it had to be that way, and it was something I had to go through to grow up. I guess I'm still trying to make some sense of all the misery I put my friends through. Mostly (Y/N). She was in hell with me.

A few weeks after New Year, we started working on a case. Someone was killing wealthy people in their own homes. At first, we thought there were two unsubs, 'cos one of them called 911 after killing, and you could hear them struggling and arguing. But no, it was just one.

Tobias Hankel was a delusional serial killer. He had split personalities, not two but actually three. His father, the one who tortured me. The archangel Raphael, who was trying to make God's will, killing people. And himself, who wanted to save me, but instead, he nearly destroyed me.

What do I remember about the day he kidnapped me? I remember I was stupid enough to try to catch an unsub alone, just to prove I could take care of myself on the field. Hotch sent me and JJ to talk to Hankel at his house, 'cos apparently, he might have seen the unsub months earlier. But no, he was the unsub, and neither JJ nor me could stop him.

We hid in a barn, and I was so eager to prove I could catch him; I told JJ we had to split up to cover the place. I was counting on Hotch to get there with the team sooner than they did, and before I realized it, I was in the middle of a cornfield, and Hankel was pointing at me with my own gun.

I was sure I was going to die right there. All of Hankel's personalities were struggling inside of him. I couldn't stop thinking about why I thought I could do it on my own? Why had I been a reckless asshole? Was it because I wanted to prove I was an excellent SAA? Because I wanted to impress JJ? Maybe I tried to convince myself I could do the same job my team did. I knew I wasn't the most physical person, but I had a gun. I had been trained to capture killers.

Yes, I was an asshole that day, and I've regretted everything that happened that night many, many times in the following years.

When I woke up, I was tied to a chair, and the archangel Raphael had taken Hankel's mind completely. The room was dark, and it smelled awful. He was burning fish hearts and livers, 'cos he believed it kept the devil away.

I was confused and lost. My head was spinning, and my heart was about to burst into my chest. I knew I could die any second now. Raphael wasn't the one to show mercy. That's what I had learned from all the videos Hankel had uploaded to the web. He had shared with the world every murder they had committed to show the other sinners what was going to happen to them.

- "They believe you can see inside men's minds"- Raphael looked at me with dark eyes, implying he meant Tobias and his father

- "It's not true. I study human behavior."- my voice was shaking. I knew I had never been more scared in my entire life. He took out a gun and showed me one bullet.

- "Do you know what this is? It's God's will."

Things didn't look good for me. He put it in the cylinder of the revolver and spun it. He was going to let my life to luck.

- "You don't have to do this"- I tried to talk him out of it, though I knew it wasn't going to work.

- "No go, sinners, to your God."

And he pressed the trigger.

What went through my mind the seconds that passed between having the gun pointed to my face and realizing I had lived? My mom. All I could think of was how my mom would react to the news of my death. I could never bear to hurt her like that. I couldn't die. I couldn't leave her alone.

I sighed, relieved, and bit my lips not to cry. Raphael looked at me with a blank expression and walked out of the room. I had survived for now.

I struggled with my handcuff, but it was useless. My head was killing me. I could feel the open wound on my head, still dripping blood on my temple and head. I tried to focus on the pain for a few minutes, just to make sure I was awake. It was a nightmare, and keeping myself sane and conscious under those circumstances was nearly impossible.

How was I going to get out of there alive? Did the team know where I was? I had no idea where I had been taken. I had been unconscious the whole way. It was dark, and I couldn't see much around me. I wasn't afraid of that darkness. I was more fearful of the man that left me alone, 'cos he was armed and mentally unstable. Darkness had nothing on him.

I had to focus on the things that kept me sane. The things that made me want to get out of that room alive.

- "My name is Spencer Walter Reid. I'm twenty-five years old, my mother's name is Diana Reid, I was born in Las Vegas, October 28th, 1981."

I closed my eyes and tried to think of all the things that made me happy.

- "I work at the BAU, my best friend's name is (Y/N), and she sits at the desk in front of me. Derek Morgan is the closest I've got to an older brother."

He was. He still is. You have to be close to dead to start seeing things clearly sometimes. Derek was my brother. He treated me like a kid, but a kid brother. He was always teasing me, trying to teach me how to pick up girls, trying to drag me to the gym with him. Derek was a good friend, we were very different, and I knew if we had been classmates in high school, we would probably never have talked. He was a jock, and I was a nerd. But life had brought us together. And now I couldn't think of a better friend than him.

I tried to focus on my happiest memories. My birthday came to mind. The guys had planned a Halloween-themed birthday party at the conference room of the BAU. Of course, Garcia baked a cake and (Y/N) helped her decorate it. It was incredible, 'cos it was covered with tiny gourds and skulls.

- "Frank and Mikey sent you these,"- she announced after everybody had given me their presents. I wide opened my eyes in shock 'cos I had no idea her friends knew it was my birthday or even cared about it.

- "Why?"- I had to ask.

- "'Cos they think you are amazing. They actually wanted to come over to your house and have a few beers tonight."- I opened my mouth to say something, but Derek interrupted me.

- "Pretty boy is gonna get to work hungover again."

- "Shut up"- (Y/N) and I said at the same time, making everybody chuckle. I opened the present her friends had sent me and laughed right away.

- "Lucky Doc"- I read and took out of the bag a Sports Illustrated issue with Lila Archer on the cover. My cheeks turned red immediately.

- "Frank still hasn't overcome that story. I think he will hate you forever"- (Y/N) laughed (along with the rest of the team) and gave me another present.

- "They also sent you this. They said you were going to like the man in black"- it was a Johnny Cash's vinyl- "Frank picked it. He thinks he is some sort of musical psychic that can read people's taste in music."

- "We should get together and have a few beers one of these days. I need to thank them for these."

Gideon looked at me in silence as soon as I said those words. But I didn't care if he disapproved. I was going to be (Y/N)'s friend, whether he liked it or not.

He is the closest I've had to a dad in the latest years. He cares about me, and he tries to make the best of me that he can. Yes, he can be too apprehensive. I think that's a way to put it. But only because he wants me to be the best profiler I can be.

I never thought I would end up working at the BAU. I never thought I would love the job I do as much as I do. Back when I was in college, I thought I would dedicate my life to finding a cure for schizophrenia, but I ended up hunting serial killers across the country.

And though I was about to die, I didn't regret any of the decisions that led me there.

The morning found me shaking, cold, and scared. I was in a small cabin in the woods. Just like the worst and more cliché horror movie ever made. This was my own horror movie.

- "What are you staring at, boy?"- Tobias opened the front door carrying logs for the fire. His voice had changed yet again, so I knew it wasn't the same person I had talked to the night before.

- "You are not Raphael."- I whispered, looking at every movement he did.

- "Do I look like Raphael?"- had I insulted him? I couldn't tell. He turned to the fire, and I took a deep breath, doing my best to stay calm.

- "Thank you for burning those, for keeping us safe."- I said, looking at the fish hearts and livers he was preparing to put on the fire.

- "Don't try to trick me."

- "I would never try to trick you."

- "You are a liar."

- I'm not a liar."- it was hard to stay calm and not start screaming for help or mercy, but I knew that was going to take me nowhere with him.

- "Lying is a sin."

- "I'm not a liar."- he walked closer to me, and sat right in front of me, held my leg up, and grabbed my foot.

- "This will be over quickly if you just confess your sins."

- "I am not a sinner"- I whispered again. He took off my shoe.

- "We are all sinners."- it didn't look good for me, not at all, and I knew I had to talk to him with his words with his beliefs to save my life.

- "The Lord spake unto Moses saying "Speak unto all the congregation of the children of the lord" and say unto them, ye shall be holy, for I, the Lord your God, am holy."

Hankel, this time in the personality of his father, looked at me surprised. I might have done something right, 'cos he stopped moving, and for a second, I thought it was going to be ok.

- "You know Leviticus."

- "I know every word of the bible. I can recite it for you."- but his eyes turned dark again.

- "The devil knows how to read too."

- "I'm not a devil, I'm not a devil2- I repeated, and couldn't stop shaking, 'cos my life on the hands of a sociopath.

- "I'm a man, my name is Spencer Reid, and I have a mother, and I have a father just like you, and they taught me the bible, let me recite the bible."

My voice cracked at the knowledge of what he was going to do. He stood up, still holding my foot. He was going to torture me, he was going to try to break me, and I had to be strong. I didn't know how I would find the strength, but I had to be strong.

- "Time to confess, Spencer Reid"- and without further notice, he slapped a log against my foot, making me scream in pain. It hurt from the tip of my toes until the back of my skull. I hadn't felt that kind of pain, and it was worse knowing he was just getting started. Tears started falling down my cheeks in no time.

- "Confess!"

- "I don't have anything to confess."- I whimpered and closed my eyes, 'cos I knew he was going to continue his torture. And so he did. The pain was excruciating. I was sure I was going to pass out

I tried to go to a happy place in my head, somewhere when I could hide from all that pain. It was too hard, though. It hurt too much. I kept repeating over and over again I wasn't a sinner, begging Hankel for mercy, as he shouted I had to confess.

I made an effort to think about what he might want me to say. What did he want me to confess? Which sins was he talking about? But nothing came to my mind, nothing but the pain and the fear of dying.

(Y/N)'s point of view

The second we reached Hankel's cabin, I started looking for Spencer. I had a horrible feeling about it. Morgan and I headed it to a barn with Prentiss. There was no sign of anyone. It was dark and quiet. Never a good sign.

- "Shit!"- I whispered, staring at three dead dogs and a bath of blood in front of me. There laid the body of another victim that was missing from Hankel's last attack.

- "FBI!!"- JJ shouted suddenly. She was pointing his gun to us, clearly in shock- "Don't move!!"

- "JJ, it's Morgan, (Y/L/N), and Prentiss! Don't shoot"- Derek tried to calm her down, walking towards her- "Are you hurt?"- she lowered the gun and stared at us. You could read the fear and the trauma in her eyes.

- "Tobias Hankel is the unsub,"- she whispered as Prentiss rubbed her arm sweetly, trying to comfort her.

- "Yeah, we know"- I moved towards her too and put my gun back into the holster.

- "And we thought he was just a witness"- we looked around, and JJ pointed at the dead dogs.

- "JJ, where is Reid?"- Derek asked her, but she just continued talking.

- "They completely tore her apart"

- "JJ, look at me,"- I said and held her arm carefully- "Look at me, where's Reid?"- she was shaking, and her voice was cracking. I knew she was making her best effort to pull herself together.

- "We split up. He said he was going to go in the back."

And there it was. That was the reason why I had a bad feeling all along. Derek looked at me and nodded as we read each other's minds. The two of us turned around and ran outside, leaving JJ with Prentiss, waiting for the medical team and ambulance to check on her wounds.

Gideon and Hotch were inside the cabin, looking for Hankel, but there was no one there. And there was no sign of Reid behind the barn either, in the cornfield, or anywhere in the perimeter. Reid was nowhere to be found, and I started losing it little by little. I tried to repeat myself the words Hotch had said many times during my year in the BAU: "when you are out there with the team; your mind has to be one hundred percent on the case." But the case had never included my best friend missing before.

- "Hey, is there any sign of him yet?- I asked the police chief as I reached the ambulance. He was there talking with JJ, making sure she was ok.

- "We got every one of our units on the road. He won't make it far"- I nodded and watched him walk away. I knew he thought I was talking about Hankel, but I actually meant Reid.

I turned to JJ and moved a little closer to her. Her eyes open wide, staring back at me.

- "You can't find Reid?"- I just shook my head and tried to sound as casual as I could, not to freak her out. She was still in shock. I didn't want to make it worse.

- "Not yet"

- "(Y/N)"- Derek held my arm and forced me to walk away from the ambulance.- "Reid followed him into the cornfield. It looks like somebody got dragged."

My heart stopped. Did the psychopath hurt Spencer? Did he kill him? Did he torture him? Was he hurt? Was he alive? Where was he? Derek looked at me, and I nodded. I bit my lips and took a deep breath. Hotch's words were my mantra now: "your mind has to be one hundred percent on the case."

- "Are you sure?"- we turned to the police's chief, overhearing his conversation- "We are on our way now."

- "What's going on?"

- "The sheriff down two towns over, he just gave directions to a man who fit Hankel's descriptions. It's to a motor lodge in fort bend."

- "Let's get Hotch and Gideon"- Derek held my arm and walked with me to the cabin. We had to find Reid, and we had to do it fast.

That was the worst night of my life. The first worst night of my life, to be sincere. I didn't close an eye. I went through every paper, every note, every detail in that cabin, trying to find a clue that could lead us to where Tobias had taken Reid.

I felt someone had ripped my heart from my chest. I had to think straight, and to do it, I had to keep a cold head. But as the hours passed, it became a more demanding and more challenging task to complete. I knew the whole team was suffering, but that didn't ease my pain. And I knew JJ felt guilty, but that didn't stop me from blaming her in my mind. She left him alone. I would have never left Spencer alone on the field.

- "(Y/N), you should try to get some rest."

Derek whispered as he sat on the floor next to me, where I had been sitting for the last half hour, reading Tobias's old diaries. Nothing but fear of his father, mentions of Dilaudid use, and bible transcriptions.

- "I'm ok,"- I answered and didn't even take my eyes from the pages.

- "(Y/N), I mean it"

- "I'm not going to rest if he is out there in the hands of a psychopath, Derek"- I had to bite my lips and shut the fuck up, 'cos if I said one more word, I knew I was going to burst into tears.

Morgan just wrapped an arm around my shoulders and moved me closer to him. That was the first time I let him hug me, and it felt good to know I wasn't alone in my desperation. I knew he loved Reid like a brother, and neither of us was going to stop until we found him.

- "Welcome to our nightmare"- JJ's voice broke the silence we had been into for the last hour when Hotch walked into the cabin with Penelope.

It was morning already. There were still no signs of Reid. Prentiss, Gideon, JJ, and I had been sitting at the table, reading everything we could.

- "His computer is an extension of his brain. I need you to dissect it,"- Gideon whispered to García. You could feel the concern in his voice. She just nodded in shock and turned to Derek, who held her hand and helped her get set up in the computer room.

- "So, nothing new since I left?"- Hotch asked and looked at us. I just shook my head and continued reading.

- "Well, the good thing is the guy documented practically every second of his life"- Prentiss words took me from the pages I was reading. I looked at her and raised an eyebrow. The concept of "good" was poorly used in that phrase.

- "The bad news is, we are still un-piling,"- she added and sighed.

- "From the looks of it, he hasn't left this place in years,"- JJ managed to say. She made her best effort to be useful, but she was in worse shape than everybody else. Yet, that didn't make me feel bad for her. I was mad at her and kept making my best to put it aside, 'cos my head had to be in the case.

- "He knew he could pretend to be looking for a motel and throw us off his trail,"- Emily inferred, but I shook my head as soon as I heard her.

- "No, no, no, it's more than that!"- I shook my head and took a deep breath- "Sheriff's office, 911 calls, every time he engages the police and gets away with it... he reassures himself, God's on his side. Not ours."- I added.

Gideon nodded, and we shared a moment of agreement. He was as worried as I was. I could feel it. I'm not saying the rest of the team wasn't, I'm saying Jason was as fucked up as I was, and I could sense he was having the same trouble I had making sure my head and not my sentiments were into the case.

But if anything happened to Reid, I didn't know what I was capable of doing.

At a certain point, I got sick of reading and not doing anything and decided to look around the house again if we had missed anything. Derek went along. One part of me felt he wanted to stay away from JJ too. Maybe he was as mad as I was about her leaving Reid alone. I know I couldn't blame her, but I did it anyway.

- "Guys!! I think I've got something!"- Derek yelled, and I ran over. He opened a door that led to a basement. I walked right behind him, pointing my gun and my flashlight all over. But there was no sign of Reid.

- "Tobias Hankel!!"- Morgan shouted. Someone was sitting in what looked to be a gigantic freezer- "Tobias!"- but we didn't get any response. I took a step closer and examined carefully.

- "Morgan, I think we just found Hankel's father."

Spencer's point of view

On my second night in that cabin, I met Tobias. The third personality of Hankel walked into the room, carrying what seemed to be a dead deer. He looked as frightened as I was.

- "You need to eat."

- "What's your name?"

- "Tobias."

- "Tobias, who was here before?"

- "Probably my father."

He looked at me up and down, and he immediately understood what he had done to me. It was scary how he could dissociate. Someone with multiple personality disorder is usually unaware of the other personality states and memories when an alter is dominant. In this case, Tobias knew the other personalities but considered them different persons. He didn't think they were all in his head.

- "I'm sorry if he hurt you."

He looked at me like he understood everything I had been going through. Maybe he had been through something similar when his father was alive. Perhaps he had been a victim of Hankel as well, and that's what triggered his psychopathic nature.

He walked over and took out his belt.

- "What are you doing?"- he wrapped it around my arm, and I started begging him to stop.

- "It helps"- he took out of his pocket a needle and a small bottle of what seemed to be some kind of drug.

- "Don't tell my father. He doesn't know they are here."

- "Please, I don't want it, I don't want it, please"- I cried and begged.

- "It helps. I know"- it was the last thing Tobias said before the needle found my vein.

And he was right. It helped. Every single amount of pain I was feeling disappeared. My brain shut down. Somehow, everything was ok. I never had in my entire life felt so good before.

My mind kept flashing memories of when I was a kid. I kept seeing images of the day my father left and how he called my mother crazy.

- "You are weak"- mom spit those words after he refused to take me with him. I know she said it not because she didn't want me with her, but because mom knew she was sick and wanted the best for me. And he refused.

- "I'm not weak."- I whispered as I looked at her smiling back at me.

- "I know, honey."

I don't know how long I was drugged, but when I woke up, Tobias wasn't there with me anymore. It was his father.

And the torture continued.

(Y/N)'s point of view

Gideon was trying to convince me to go out with Prentiss and JJ to see a Narcotics anonymous's contact that might give us more information about Tobias. Emily had found some flyers about it in his room, and it could be the only lead we had to find him and Reid.

- "You need to get out of this house for a while"- he whispered and tapped on my back.

I knew he wasn't the one to be loving or physical with people, less with me. But that moved me. I turned to him and my eyes watered up. I was scared, and I couldn't hide it anymore. The more hours passed, the fewer the chances were to find Spencer safe. Alive.

I felt his arms around me suddenly, holding me tight, trying to keep the pieces of me together. We were alone on the porch, and though I didn't want to fall apart, I couldn't hold it anymore.

Jason didn't say a word. He just hugged me and let me cry for a few minutes. I didn't say anything either. I actually couldn't because I was overwhelmed with everything.

- "Are you ready, (Y/N)?"

Prentiss whispered as she walked over with JJ. I turned my back at them for a second to hide the tears that kept falling down my cheeks. I knew it was a shitty thing to do, 'cos it was obvious I had been sobbing, but they gave me the courtesy of not saying anything.

- "You go, I need (Y/N)'s assistance with some diary entries"- the two of them walked away quietly, and thankfully, didn't argue with Gideon.

- "Thank you,"- I whispered and felt his hand on my shoulder one more time.

- "You are doing a fantastic job,"- he said and turned around.

I wish I could tell you that made me feel better, but instead, I just thought I had the duty to bring my friend back home safe.

It had been at least an hour since the girls left. Morgan, Hotch, Gideon, and the police chief were in the living room with me, reading. I sipped my hundredth cup of coffee and re-read the same diary entry for the third time.

- "There's something weird going on here."- I thought out loud and walked towards Gideon

- "You think?"- the police chief turned to me and raised an eyebrow, ironically.

- "No, seriously, check this out. This journal is filled with religious ramblings. He notated hour by hour: "November 15th, 3:17, if ye offer a sacrifice of peace offering unto the Lord, ye shall offer it at your own will", and it goes on and on: 5:04, 7:41, 10:22, 1:42."

I made a short pause and looked at Gideon and Hotch. They didn't get where I was going.

- "But then, it goes blank for days."

- "Maybe he got sick of writing"- I seriously hated that police chief.

- "I think I got it"- Hotch whispered- "Journal entry: "December 6th. Father is sick. He wants me to put him down. I say thou shalt not kill. He said, honor thy father. Must pray for guidance."

- "So he kills his father as an act of mercy?"- Gideon asked, knowing the answer.

- "This is two months ago. Tobias Hankel's father had been dead for four months already."

- "That's exactly it"- I murmured, thinking Tobias Hankel was way more fucked up than we thought.

- "Look at the floor"- Derek pointed at a chair and moved it- "These scuffs marks are fresh. It's like two people were pushing the chairs constantly, trying to fight for control."

- "So?"- I swear to God, that chief was driving me insane.

- "This journal matches Charles Hankel's handwriting, but it was written after he died"- I explained. Still, it felt he wasn't following me.

- "What do you mean?"

- "Upstairs, Tobias' bedroom got junk piled from floor to ceiling, but the other bedroom could pass a military inspection."

- "So, are you telling me one of Tobias' personalities was his father?"

Apparently, I had to draw a picture so the chief would get it. Fortunately, Gideon continued explaining the whole problem before I lost what was left of my patience.

- "Well, Tobias was raised with a strict religious code, black and white, right and wrong. When his father asked Tobias to kill him, something had to give."

- "His brain couldn't handle the moral contradiction, so he split into two personalities to keep his father alive."

Hotch tried to put it most easy and simple words possible.

- "So, who is Raphael?"

- "My guess, he is a mediator between the two"- Gideon nodded at my words and sighed.

- "Angels have no human emotions, live or die. They don't care, as long it's God's will."

- "We need to start profiling Tobias' father. He may be the one who chose where to take Reid."

Finally, I felt we were going somewhere.

When Emily and JJ came back, they gave us the news. Tobias was addicted to Dilaudid, which explained the fracture in his mind, and how he lived with three distinct personalities.

The police chief announced a computer store robbery, giving us some hopes that Tobias would use them to track him down.

- "Guys!! Guys!! get in here!!- I heard Derek shouting and I ran to the computer room. I felt sick in the stomach in less than a second. There he was, Spencer. My Spencer Walter Reid, tied to a chair, bleeding, shoeless. Clearly tortured.

- "He's been beating,"- I whispered, feeling my eyes water up. I would have given anything to be there instead of him.

- "Can you track him?!"- JJ yelled by my side, and I nearly smacked her. That's how sensitive I was feeling.

- "Hankel's only streaming this to his home computer."- Garcia whispered. And my heart dropped with those words.

That wasn't what I was supposed to hear. We were supposed to find him and bring him back safe.

- "This is for us"- Gideon didn't take his eyes from the screen- "He knows we are here."

- "I'm gonna put this guy's head on a stick"- Morgan was so mad I believed him. I wanted to do the same, if worse.

- "I'm gonna kill him myself as soon as we find him,"- I said and felt Aaron's hand on my shoulder as he asked Garcia

- "Why can't you locate him?"

- "He's rerouting to a different IP address every 30 seconds. I can't track him."

It knew it had to be hard if Penelope couldn't find her, but that didn't help. If anything, it made everything worse. I felt powerless. Hankel couldn't be more intelligent than us.

Spencer's point of view

- "Are you ready, boy?"- Hankel pulled my hair and forced me to look at him. I was still as high as fuck, but knew I was about to be tortured again.

- "Ready for what?"

- "My weakling son thinks God gave you to him for a reason"- if the reason was to get me into drugs, then the answer was yes.

Hankel placed a video camera in front of me.

- "Can you really see inside men's minds?"- he asked me and made a pause, pointing to three screens- See these vermin?

It took me a second to realize he was showing me images of real people. He had put cameras in those people's houses. How? When? What kind of sick game did he want me to play with him?

- "Choose one to die. I let you choose one to live."

- "No"- I didn't even think about my answer.

- "I thought you wanted to be some kind of savior."

- "You are a sadist and a psychotic break. You won't stop killing. Your word is not true."

I don't know if it was because of the drugs or because I hadn't eaten or drank any water in too long, but I was somehow resigned and tired of fighting.

- "The other heathens are watching- Hankel announced and pointed at the camera in front of me."

My eyes fixated on the camera right away. My team was watching me. (Y/N) was watching me. I didn't want to make her worry even more. I needed her to know I was ok. I know I wasn't, but I didn't want her to worry about me.

- "Choose a sinner to die, and I'll say the name and address of the person to be saved"- Hankel was sick. It was all a game, and religion was just an excuse to kill.

- "I won't get to choose who gets slaughtered and have you leave their remains behind like a poacher."

Hankel didn't like my answer, 'cos he grabbed me and pulled me up, looking into my eyes, insulted, annoyed, losing his temper.

- "Can you really see into my mind, boy?"

He was honestly scary, and it petrified me to think he could execute me right there, in front of the team, and I could never tell them how much they mean.

- "Can you see I'm not a liar?!"- he insisted. I nearly whimpered but made my best not to break- "Choose one to die and save a life. Otherwise, they are all dead."

He dropped me on the chair and turned around. It was clear he wasn't joking. I took a deep breath and nodded.

- "Alright, I'll choose who lives."

- "They are all the same"

My eyes traveled across all the monitors. It was nearly impossible to pick one person to live, knowing all the other people there would die. Hankel was sick, and I had to set a plan to escape because otherwise, I would end up dead.

- "Far right screen,"- I whispered. He turned around and nodded.

Then, he recited the name and address of the woman on the screen. I prayed for the team to find her before Hankel came after her too.

No. It wasn't Hankel this time.

- "Raphael,"- I whispered, and he nodded. I looked at the screen again. The woman we were watching picked up the phone. She was in her kitchen. He walked around, frowned, and turned to her computer. In a second, she had turned it off. My team had reached her. She was safe, I hoped.

Hankel turned the camera off and looked at me.

- "You've done your part. Now it's my turn."

I knew what that meant. It wasn't good.

He left the cabin, and all I could see were the monitors in front of me. Those people were going to die. They were going to die because I didn't pick them. I killed them. You don't need to pull a trigger to kill someone. I could never forget those words. And this time, they meant more than anytime before. I didn't press a trigger, but I had killed two innocent people. And I actually had to watch them die.

When I saw Rapahel walk into the victims' house, I tried to close my eyes and think of anything else. A part of me kept thinking he wasn't going to kill them. He just wanted to threaten me.

But not. Raphael slaughtered them.

I found myself craving whatever it was that Tobias had given me the night before. The drug in my veins had given me a kind of peace I had never felt. And I never thought I'd have either. The type of peace that can be addictive, 'cos it turns your head off. And God knows, sometimes I needed to turn my head off.

Remembering everything that has ever happened to me, especially all the awful things, wasn't a gift. It was a burden. And whatever it was that Tobias had put in my veins, it had taken that burden from my shoulders, at least for a couple of hours.

Who wouldn't want some more of that peace?

- "Reid!"- Gideon's voice took me from my thoughts. He was sitting right in front of the camera in the victim's house. He was there with Hotch and the police, investigating the crime scene.

- "If you are watching this, you are not responsible for this. You understand me? he is perverting God to justify murder. You are stronger than him. He can not break you."

I know he meant it. But I couldn't believe any of that, not after watching a family get slaughter just because I didn't pick them.

(Y/N)'s point of view

- "I thought you were going to try and get some rest,"- I said as JJ walked to me in silence. I made myself my hundredth cup of coffee, and she just showed up next to me, trying to engage in conversation, I guess.

- "Everybody else is working. I should be too."

- "We can handle it,"- I whispered and refused to look at her. I swear I was trying not to hate her, but it was getting harder and harder with every hour that passed without finding Reid.

- "It's funny, I keep thinking the one thing we need to crack this case is... well... Reid"- she chuckled, nervously and I just looked at her and nodded. I didn't even smile. I didn't move a muscle.

I didn't want to be with her, or anyone, as a matter of fact. And I wasn't going to hide it anymore. So I tried to walk away.

- "You think Reid and I should have stayed together at the barn, don't you?"

I stopped walking and looked at her. You could tell she was having a hard time facing the whole situation, and most of all, you could tell she felt guilty.

That really didn't stop me from being mad at her. I was trying to be the better woman during the investigation, but the uncertainty was getting on my nerves.

- "JJ, go get some rest,"- I tried to answer calmly, but I knew I was looking at her like she was dead to me.

- "I can tell that's what you are thinking, so..."

- "I just wanna get Spencer home safe."

- "But... if I had his back like I was supposed to do, he'd be here now"- and that was enough.

- "JJ, what the fuck do you want from me?"

- "I just...."- she was about to cry, you could tell- "I want someone to tell me the truth."

- "You want the truth? Ok, there you go: I would have never left him alone. None of this would have happened if I had been the one with him out there! 'cos I would never let anyone or anything hurt him!!"

I shouted. All the anger I had been feeling those days was finally getting off my chest. And fuck, it felt good.

- "You fucked it up, JJ, and if something happens to Spencer, I am never going to forgive you, never!"

JJ bit her lips, trying her best not to cry. But I still couldn't feel sorry for her.

- "Is that the truth you were looking for?"

- "(Y/L/N)?"- Hotch stood next to me with the most annoyed look in his eyes.

I knew I was out of line, but this wasn't about work anymore. This was personal. This was Reid we were talking about, and JJ had fucked it up. There was nothing to discuss.

- "What? You sent him with her, now she is here, and he isn't. What else is there to say?"

- "(Y/N)!"- Hotch followed me as I stormed out of the kitchen and out of the cabin- "(Y/N)! stop!"

- "What?!"- and I simply snapped- "Are you gonna suspend me for telling her the truth? Are you going to fire me for losing my shit while working a case!? Fine! I don't care! I don't give a fuck! All I care about right now is that my best friend is missing, and a fucking psychopath has him! That's all I can think of. That's all I've been thinking about for the last two days!"

I was yelling at Hotch. I was yelling at my unit chief. I was fucked. I knew he was going to fire me after that. But I couldn't help it. I was going insane. Tears kept falling from my eyes as I held my cup of coffee tight, holding onto it with my life.

- "(Y/N), we are all worried about Reid."

- "I know you are all worried. I am too, and I'm also afraid and mad and going fucking insane knowing I am standing here not knowing what to do to save him."

- "That doesn't give you the right to treat JJ like this is her fault"- I don't know if he was talking like my unit chief or like a father figure trying to end a fight between two of his kids.

- "Did she stay with Reid?"- I simply replied and looked at Hotch in the eyes- "Did she?"

- "She is not the only one who feels guilty, so do I. And I know I won't forgive myself if anything happens to Reid."

Hotch made a pause and tried to find a way to say what he wanted to say. The door opened, and Gideon walked to us. He knew what was going on, and he didn't say a thing. I was sure he had already heard everything. We weren't actually arguing quietly.

- "We are not getting any closer,"- Aaron finally said.

- "Reid is brilliant. He'll figure out how to survive"- Gideon's words were way more hopeful than my thoughts. In my mind, Reid was too scared to think of a way to escape.

- "You know, I always take advantage of Reid for his brain. But I never actually teach him how to deal with things emotionally."

Hotch whispered, and his words were filled with regret. I was filled with anger and anxiety, and I know the two of them felt the same. But they way better at handling their feelings.

- "Lead by example,"- Jason answered, probably trying to make him feel better.

- "What kind of example is that?"- I simply replied, and both of them stayed in silence.

I don't think my words helped Hotch, but I wasn't trying to do that either. I was just honest. And Hotch's emotional assistance was shit on the field. Even Gideon was better.

- "He'll make it,"- Jason reassured us and nodded- "Now stop arguing and go back to work."

Spencer's point of view

I was glad when Tobias came to me that night with a needle in his hand and put the drug into my vein. I needed some release after watching a family die 'cos I didn't save them.

- "I'm sorry I had to leave"- he excused himself, preparing the drug next to me.

- "You can leave again, and you can take me with you,"- I begged in a soft voice.

- "My father would be angry,"- he replied and didn't even look at me. This time, I didn't even argue when he wrapped the belt around my arm. I was even a little eager he'd do it faster.

- "Not if he can't find us."

- "He always finds me."

- "If you tell me where we are, my friends will come, and they'll save us."

He gave me a look, mixed with horror and resignation. It broke my heart to think for a moment of all the horrors that lead Tobias to be as sick as he was.

- "We can't be saved,"- he simply replied.

- "We can, we can, I promise. If you tell me where we are, I'll save us both."

- "Listen to me. It's not worth fighting."

Somehow, I understood why he said that. I was afraid and shaking but still did my best not to think of all the pain I was in, of the terror that haunted me day and night.

- "Tell me it doesn't make it better- he said and showed me the needle."

I couldn't say no, 'cos he was right. It did. The drugs made his horrible situation bearable. I could understand why someone decided to use something to avoid the pain. I had faced all and each one of the pain and horrors in my life sober. It was time life was a little bit sweeter, in a sick way.

I remembered being twelve. Mom had had one of her episodes the day before, she was in bed, and I woke her up. I walked into her room and opened the curtains. It was already five in the afternoon, and she still refused to get out of bed.

- "The doctor says you need to get out of bed,"- I argued when she repeated she was just resting.

- "I've been reading"

- "He says you need exercise"- she sighed and tried to make a joke.

- "That's because his idea of good literature is Our bodies, ourselves."

- "Well, he is your doctor."

- "He is a neanderthal"- I gave up and started walking out of the room. She just laid in bed and looked at me.

- "Where are you going?"

- "I'm going to see if Jeff wants to play"- Jeff was our next-door neighbor and my only friend growing up.

- "Come here. Let me read to you."

I know Garcia made fun of me when I said my mother used to read me Valentine's sonnets when I was a kid. Most people think I have a weird relationship with mom, but they don't understand what it was like growing up with her. They don't know what it was like for a twelve-year-old boy to finish high school, facing bullies. Handling the pressure of being a kid genius and the fact I had to take care of a schizophrenic mother.

How come I didn't start using drugs earlier?

I remember that afternoon I sat next to my mother, and she made me pick one of the many books she had with her on the bed. I choose Proust. I knew she loved it. I loved it as well.

"For a long time, I used to go to bed early. Sometimes, when I had put out my candle, my eyes would close so quickly that I had not even time to say, "I'm going to sleep."

I can still hear her voice, reading to me. Both of us avoided reality for a while, hiding in the books. I always do it regardless. I hide in the books to forget. I hide in knowledge to avoid acknowledging the real personal issues I have. I hide in my work saving people when no one ever saved me.

I work catching psychopaths when I know I might actually have a mental issue myself. I might end up just like mom, and it frightens me so much; there are many nights I can't even close an eye. If I get sick too, then no one will take care of her. I am the only one in her life. And she is the only one in mine.

She and (Y/N), but there is no way my best friend would ever take care of me if I got sick. Not because she wouldn't want to do it, but because I would never let her. I don't want to be a burden in her life. And she would hate me, I know. And I could never live in a world where (Y/N) hates me. Not then, not now.

(Y/N). She is the best thing that happened to me in the BAU. Yes, I had a family with my team, but she was different. She was my life. She was the reason why I smiled. She was the one person that made me feel I was important to someone. I knew the rest of my friend loved me, but I loved her.

That was it. I loved (Y/N). And I was scared I was never going to see her again.

(Y/N)'s point of view

I was standing next to Penelope. She kept trying to force me to eat. She knew I was living on coffee, but I just couldn't swallow anything. She held my hand as the two of us stared at the screens, hopefully waiting for Hankel to make contact again.

- "Any more signs of Reid?"- JJ walked over to us slowly and looked at me, afraid I might snap on her again. I just shook my head and sighed, doing my best to be nice to her.

- "He just posted the last murder online."

- "It had over 17 thousand hits in the first twenty minutes,"- Penelope added, and her voice was so full of revulsion. It was clear she couldn't handle the horror in the human mind.

- "I want to see it,"- JJ said, and I frowned, confused.

- "No, you don't,"- Garcia answered and looked at me- "Come on, munchkin, just eat one cookie, please."

- "Don't tell me what I want and don't want!"- JJ's tone shocked us both. She was severe and angry. She was rude at Penelope, and for a second, I almost snapped again.

- "If I can't watch this..."- JJ whispered and glued her eyes on the screen- "I have no business being in the field."

She looked at me when she was done talking, and for once during those awful days, I felt some kind of compassion for her. She had to be feeling like shit, no doubt, and no matter how mad I was at her, she was still my friend, and I didn't want her to suffer either.

- "JJ, it's not a competition,"- I tried to say in the softest voice possible.

- "I... I need to see it."

- "If you stop being affected by things, you lose parts of yourself, you know."

It was somehow ironic that I was the one saying those things. Me of all people in that team. Me, the one who was afraid the most of losing herself in work.

- "Show me"- she finally looked at Garcia, ignoring my words, and Penelope pleased her. She pushed play and simply said

- "I won't watch this with you."

García held my hand, walking me out of the room, leaving JJ alone in the room. She sighed and wiped the tears that started falling down her eyes.

- "I don't know how you do it either"- she whispered- "I don't know how you watch those things every day and don't go insane."

- "If it makes you feel better, I don't know how I do either, and it scared me to think my heart might be numbing with each case we solve. With every psychopath we catch."

- "We are gonna find him"- she assured me and held my hands tight- "We are bringing him home safe, I swear."

- "Let's go find Gideon,"- I said, nodding at her words- "He needs to know Tobias posted the last murder."

Jason was mad, beyond furious. He was losing it. Derek and Prentiss kept trying to crack Hankel and discover where he had taken Reid. Meanwhile, Garcia, Gideon, and I made our best to take the video of the murder from the web.

- "I have a list of everyone from the file-sharing chain. I could send out a mass warning that the video is actually a virus,"- Garcia said and started typing as fast as possible. I just stared at the screen, waiting for something, anything to happen.

But I wasn't waiting for what came next.

- "Confess your sins"- Hankel's voice made me jump, and the sight of Reid, still tied to that chair, bleeding, and being tortured, broke my heart again.

- "Confess!!"- that sick psychopath shouted and hit him.

- "I haven't done anything,"- Spencer sobbed, but it was useless. Hankel kept punching him, over and over again, even when my best friend begged for mercy.

I felt Jason hold my hand as I was holding Garcia's. The three of us felt powerless, useless, angry, and scared, all at the same time. I couldn't bear to watch Reid being tortured, but at the same time, I was so glad he was still alive.

That until Hankel beat him so hard, he pushed him back in the chair, and Reid started convulsing.

- "He is killing him,"- Penelope cried, and I closed my eyes, biting my lips. Spencer was choking, and that mother fucker just stood there, watching him die.

- "That's the devil vacating your body"- he spit those words as Reid simply passed out. I didn't know if he was dead. I didn't know if he was going to make it. Shit! I didn't know anything.

I let go of Jason and Penelope and stormed out of the room. I was unprofessional, and I knew it, but I knew I would quit if anything happened to Reid. I wasn't going to stay working at the BAU if Spencer died.

- "Are you ok?"- Derek grabbed my arm. I just broke into tears and held him tight. He wrapped his arms around me and let me cry.

- "He's dying! We can't find him!!"- I sobbed against his chest.

- "(Y/N)! (Y/N)!"- I heard Penelope yelling as we all rushed back to the computer room. Hankel was giving CPR to Reid, trying to bring him back to life.

- "Come on, come on, please,"- I begged as I watched him pushing his chest over and over again until Spencer woke up, gasping for air.

- "Thank God!"- Hotch sighed and rubbed his hands against his face. The whole team let out a breath of relief simultaneously, and I kept watching Reid. His opened eyes gave me hope.

- "Wait,"- Prentiss said suddenly- "When was the video of the last murder posted?"

- "Nine thirty"- Penelope answered

- "And when was the time of death?"

- "The 911 call came in at 9:04, and the murder must have been moments later."- Hotch added and didn't even turn to look at Prentiss. We were all still shocked looking at the screen.

- "That's just a 19 minutes difference,"- I said and turned to García- "How long would it take to post that file?"

- "Two or three minutes."

- "Let's call it two,"- I said, getting excited- "You figure a maximum of 60 miles an hour in a residential area. That means Hankel has to be within a 17-mile radius of the crime scene."

For a second, I felt I was rambling facts just like Reid would. It made me miss him even more.

- "García, can we see it on the map?"- Aaron whispered. He was clearly affected, and it also made me feel selfish, knowing I had made a tantrum with the whole team, forgetting they were suffering as well.

- "Call chief Farraday"- Jason commanded as soon as we saw the map of the area on the screen- "I want that area locked down like it's martial law."

JJ stood up and grabbed her phone but didn't make the call. García warned us something was going on with Reid and all of us stared at the screen in silence.

Spencer was on his back on the floor, still tied to a chair. It was clear he wasn't fully conscious of what was happening.

- "You came back to life,"- mother fucker Hankel said, spitting the words in anger.

- "Raphael,"- Reid whispered, recognizing one of his personalities.

- "There can be only one of two reasons."

- "I was given CPR,"- my friend whispered, but it was clear that wasn't one of the psycho's options.

- "There are no accidents. How many members of our team are watching us right now?"

- "Seven."

- "The seven angels who had the seven trumpets prepared themselves to sound. The first sounding followed hail, and they were thrown to the earth."

- "He thinks it's the revelations"- Hotch explained- "The seven archangels versus the seven angels of death."

I didn't know much about religion, but it didn't take a genius to figure out he didn't believe we were the good guys.

- "Tell me who you serve."

- "I serve you,"- Reid answered right away. His voice was a whisper. He had to be exhausted.

- "Then choose one to die"

- "What?!"

- "Your team members, choose one to die"- I knew what he was going to answer at that, and I didn't want to hear it.

- "Kill me,"- he replied immediately, and I closed my eyes, unable to watch what would happen next.

- "You said you weren't one of them."

- "I lied."

- "Your team has seven other members. Tell me who dies."

- "No"- Penelope gasped, and Prentiss cursed. I opened my eyes and nearly fainted. Hankel had a gun pointed against Reid's forehead.

The silence amongst the team was unbearable. Neither of us knew what to do. We were all panicking, praying, desperate.

- "Choose and prove you'll do God's will."

- "No."

Neither of us moved. Neither of us breathed until Hakel pulled the trigger, and no bullet came out. I nearly sigh, but it wasn't over.

- "Choose"- he repeated

- "I won't do it"- Hankel didn't even wait. He just pulled the trigger, and we all jumped at the same time. He was safe again.

- "Life is a choice."

- "No,"- Reid repeated once again. And Hankel pulled the trigger for the third time.

- "Choose"- and for the first time, Spencer made a pause. Was going to pick one of us to die?

- "I choose"- the whispered- "Aaron Hotchner."

Derek and I looked at him, and his pale face didn't move a muscle.

- "He's the classic narcissist. He thinks he's better than everyone else on the team. Genesis 23:4 "Let him not deceive himself, and trust in emptiness, vanity falseness, and futility, for these shall be his recompense."

Hotch stormed out of the room as Hankel pulled the trigger one more time and shot the wall.

I felt I was going to puke. If Reid hadn't picked one of us, he would be dead.

- "For God's will,"- the mother fuck said, as he put another bullet in the gun after removing the casing.

I couldn't look anymore. I followed Gideon and Derek to find Aaron going through all Tobias's diaries on the table.

- "I'm not a narcissist,"- he said as soon as he saw us.

- "Come on. Look, you can't think anything from that"- Jason tried to calm him down, in case he was somehow affected by what Reid had just said on camera- "He is not in his right mind, Hotch."

- "No, stop, stop. Alright, everybody, right now: what's my worst quality?"

He had to be kidding. We all stared at him, muted, lost in that conversation. What was his point? Neither of us said a word. We just looked at each other, confused and awkward.

- "Ok, I'll start. I have no sense of humor."

- "You are a bully,"- JJ added.

- "You can be a drill sergeant sometimes,"- I said, and he nodded.

- "Right."

- "You don't trust women as much as men"- you could feel it in Prentiss's voice. That one was personal.

- "Ok, good. I'm all these things, but none of you said that I ever put myself above the team because I don't, ever. Reid and I argued about the definition of classic narcissism, and he knew that I would remember that. He also quoted Genesis chapter 23, verse 4. Read it."

Hotch gave me the book. He wasn't even breathing as she spoke. He was in a hurry. We were all.

- "I'm a stranger and a sojourner with you. Give me property, forbear a place among you that I may bury my dead of my sight."

- "He wouldn't get it wrong unless it were on purpose."

- "He is in a cemetery."- I said and looked at him. He nodded, and I swear to God, I saw a slight smile on his lips. That smile was hope. We were getting closer.

Spencer's point of view

I took a sip of water. I hadn't drunk in days, and my throat burned. I was still a little lost, still a little off.

- "Tobias, is that you?"- I saw him nod, sitting next to me. He moved the cup of water closer so that I could drink some more.

- "Thank you,"- I whispered and looked at him- You saved my life- he stared down at the ground and finally whispered

- "I'm sorry."

- "Why?"

- "He'll win in the end."

It was sad to see Tobias Hankel's good person locked inside a sick mind that also held a psychopath like his father.

- "Tobias, I need to know something. It's important. Are we in a cemetery?"- and he nodded. I smiled at him and sighed, relieved. Help was coming. My team was coming.

- "I used to come here to get high."

- "I was right."

- "No one bothers you here. I never told anyone about it."

He wrapped his belt around my arm, and I turned to him, still smiling. I didn't know if I were happy I was right or glad I would get high again. Maybe both. Maybe the second 'cos the minute that needle got to my vein, that sweet, sweet release felt like a bath of joy that washed away any pain, regret, or guilt I could have ever felt.

Guilt. I've had my share of that. I remember the day I had my mom admitted to the hospital. She hadn't eaten in days. She wouldn't take care of herself, and they're just so much I could do. I wasn't able to keep her safe from herself, from her mind.

- "What are these men doing here?"- she asked me as I walked with two nurses into the study. She was writing and reading. It was all she did, preparing lectures for classes she didn't have to give, in imaginary campuses.

I stood in front of her and hesitated for a second. It was the hardest thing I had ever done, telling mom I was taking her away from her own house.

- "They are from the hospital. They are here to help,"- I whispered and looked at my mother's confused expression. She was so thin. She looked so sick. I felt so guilty I couldn't do better for her.

- "I don't need help, and you can't be here without permission, tell them, Spencer."

She looked down at her books again and tried to continue writing. I took a deep breath, I knew I would break her heart, but there was nothing else I could do.

- "I called them"- she looked at me in pain. Deep, honest pain. Like I had just shattered her heart. Which I had done.

- "Spencer"- she simply whispered and stared into my eyes, begging for an explanation. I was trying my best not to cry. I had a whole speech prepared. I was going to tell her how much I loved her. I was going to explain to her how good it was for her to be in a place where someone could continuously take care of her. I had facts and statistics, but all I managed to say was:

- "I'm doing this for you."

And I felt like a liar. 'Cos, there was a part of me that was doing it for myself too.

- "This isn't legal"- she shook her head in shock and kept trying to find a good explanation to what was going on.

- "Your son is eighteen, ma'am. He can act in your welfare,"- one of the make nurses explained to her.

- "You need help,"- I said and prayed she could understand. But she just burst into tears and begged.

- "I wanna stay here!"

- "I'm... sorry, mom."

- "Please, these are my things, this is my life..."

Those men took her. They took her from her house and put her in a hospital. No. I put her there. I put my mom in a hospital so I could live my life, 'cos I am selfish and couldn't take care of her anymore.

- "Spencer, please, don't do this to me."

Those were the words that haunted me day and night. And my mother's crying face, begging me not to take her from her own house.

What kind of a son am I? I did that to her. I put her in a mental place 'cos I couldn't deal with her disease anymore. 'Cos I didn't know how to take care of her.

- "What are you sorry for, boy?"- I heard Hankel ask when I woke up. I was muttering, "Sorry" as I came back from my trip.

- "I sent her away."

- "Who."

- "My mom. I couldn't help her."

- "Is that a confession?"- I nodded and looked around, confused. Lost. High- "You know the bible. Exodus 21:17"

- "And he that curseth his father or his mother shall surely be put to death,"- I whispered, scared and full of regret.

I heard him walk towards me. He kneeled and uncuffed me. I didn't know what was happening. Honestly, I was still too high to get what was going on around me.

- "Grab a shovel,"- he commanded and walked outside.

I was too weak to dig fast. I don't know how I was actually moving, but I was digging my own grave. I never thought I would ever end up doing such a thing. It's not something you think about, actually. Not unless you work in the BAU. Here, you start analyzing and considering the way you'll die: 'Cos you could, every day.

- "I ought to bury you alive in there, give you some time to think about what you've done,"- Hankel said and looked at me while I worked, playing with a knife.

- "I know what I've done."

- "Don't talk back to me! Dig!"

I pant and kept moving, very slowly, trying to buy myself some time too. I was sure the team was coming to get me any minute now. I was counting on them, though the more I thought about it, the less worthy of salvation I felt. Maybe I deserved to die after all.

I was almost certain I had seen some lights moving in the back. Flashlights. But it could be my mind playing tricks on me. I was too tired. And still too high, too.

- "Dig faster!"- he commanded me as I moved, losing my breath.

- "I'm not strong enough"- I cried, 'cos I felt like that. Like a failure, a child that aimed to be a grown-up and failed miserably. A bad son. The worst agent. A fake that deserved to die.

- "You are all weak!! Get out of there!"

Hankel took off his coat and left it on the ground. I slowly moved so he could dig for me, but the lights in the back took my attention, and he noticed. As soon as he turned around, I quickly grabbed his coat and reached out for the gun.

- "You've only got one bullet, son,"- he said as he looked at me. And I just pulled the trigger.

I shot him. I killed him. Hankel. Raphael. Tobias. I freed Tobias. Or at least, that is what I wanted to think.

- "Reid!!"- I heard (Y/N) yelling as I crawled to Tobia's body. He was still awake. He was himself.

- "You killed him"- he said, and he was relieved- "Do you think I'll get to see my mom again?"

- "I'm sorry,"- I whispered, and he was gone.

- "Reid!!"

(Y/N) yelled and ran over. She kneeled next to me and held me in her arms. I couldn't move, because for a few seconds, I couldn't believe she was real. She was there.

- "Honey, honey, are you ok? Can you hear me?"- she said, and tears started falling from her eyes- "Honey, it's me."

I just looked at her and hugged her. I hugged her as my life depended on it. There she was, next to me, finally.

- "I thought I was never going to see you again,"- I whispered and sobbed.

The urge to kiss her filled my whole body. I needed to taste her. I needed to show her how much I had needed her those days. But I knew I couldn't.

I didn't want to let her go. I didn't for a few minutes. I just hold onto her for my sanity. She kissed my forehead, cupping my face with both hands.

- "I'm so happy to see you. I'm glad you are ok... let's go to the ambulance, ok?"- I nodded but didn't let her go. I felt I could hold her forever. I wanted to keep her close for as long as I lived.

But the rest of the team gathered around us, and I wanted to thank them too. I needed to thank Hotch. So as soon as I let (Y/N) go, I wrapped my arms around him.

- "You alright?"- he asked me.

- "I knew you'd understand,"- I managed to say with tears falling from my eyes and a knot in my throat.

For a moment, I thought I was never going to see the team again. My family.

JJ held me close and apologized. I knew she felt guilty for leaving me alone, but I was the only one culpable for what had happened. I wanted to prove myself, and all I managed to do was prove I was a fool. A useless SSA.

- "It's alright, it wasn't your fault,"- I said and did my best to smile at her. But I know I failed. Gideon grabbed my arm and nodded.

- "Let's get you out of here."

- "Please,"- I whispered before we started walking- "Can I have a second alone?"- he looked at me and nodded, looking at Tobias' body lying by our side. He walked away, and I kneeled next to my capturer.

But instead of paying my respects, instead of cursing. Instead of anything, I took the Dilaudid bottles from his pocket and put them into mine.

And that's how the real hell started.

DIWK Taglist:

@all-tings-diego @big-galaxy-chaos @svveet-peas @muffin-cup @shilohpug

Spencer taglist

@calm-and-doctor

General Taglist

@spenxerslut @ash19871962

–

Do you want to be on the taglist or ramble about this chapter with me? Just send me a message here.

Next update: May 5th, 2021

#Spencer Reid #criminal minds #spencer reid fanfic #babymetaldoll writes #cm fanfic #criminal minds fanfic #Emily prentiss #Aaron Hotchner #jennifer jareau #derek morgan #penelope garcia #emily prentiss #babymetaldoll edits #criminal minds fanfiction #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x you #spencer reid fanfiction

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yet-another-fan-girl9 · 4 years

Text

Spoiler Alert

Summary: The Winchesters learn a spoiler about Supernatural.

Warnings: Mentions of death, language, implied shower sexy times

Word Count: 1481

Dean gently placed your photo back into his wallet. The edges of the photograph had begun to wear and get soft from the frequency of removal. The photo showed a candid photo of you and Dean laughing together. Sam had taken it two years ago. A month after it was taken, you had been taken by a group of powerful demons.

He had been too late to save you.

He knew relationships could disappear in moments, especially in this job.

But he still had loved you.

He still loves you.

But he failed.

Loud crashes and bangs drew Dean out of his room and memories. The sounds led him to Sam and Cas who was in the front room of the bunker. It looked like Sam was following Cas as he frantically dug through drawers and cabinets. The long, wooden table was covered in open books and strange objects people had collected over the years.

“Just give us a moment to figure stuff out, Cas,” Sam pleaded.

“We don’t have a moment—”

The pair stopped when they saw Dean in the doorway. They knew it was almost the anniversary of your death and Dean usually spent it alone. Sometimes he forgets that they lost you too.

“What’s going on?”

As if his words were a play button, Cas started moving in a flurry again. Sam ran his hand through his hair.

“Cas says that there is an upswing of demon activities around this area. He wants to get us…somewhere safe.”

“We can take some demons.”

“No, Dean.” Cas threw something into a metal bowl and began to mix. “It’s not ‘some demons.’ It’s hundreds of demons. Against the three of us. I’m sure they’re after you two.”

“So what’s your plan?” Dean walked over to his brother and crossed his arms as Cas drew a vaguely familiar symbol on the wall.

“He plans on sending us to that dimension.” Sam ran his hand through his hair again. A nervous habit. “You remember the one Balthazar sent us to years ago?”

“What? Where we’re actors or something?” Dean shook his head. “Didn’t the guy we were avoiding make it through too?”

“Yes, but Virgil was an angel,” Cas pointed out.

“Virgil… that was the fucker’s name,” Dean muttered.

“These are demons. I’m staying here and will bring you back when it’s clear. Time to go.” The symbol started to glow.

“Wait, wait, wait. Let’s talk first.”

Cas flicked his wrist and the Winchester brothers flew through the wall. They landed on a mat. Bright lights shined down onto them and someone yelled, “CUT!”

“Son of a bitch.”

~*~

Sam and Dean sat in fake-Dean’s trailer again. They were both searching the internet for information.

“Looks about the same as last time.” Sam shut the laptop. “Except we didn’t quit. We’re on season eleven now.”

“How has this gone on for so long?”

Sam responded with a shrug as fake-Dean’s phone started ringing. Dean held up the screen to show Sam the caller ID: “Wife 💓💕💞🥰”

“I guess I’m married now,” Dean smirked and answered the phone. “Hello?”

“Hey, sweetie,” a voiced replied. Your voice. Dean’s smirk fell and frantically mouthed: “It’s (Y/N)!” at Sam.

“(Y/N)?” The younger Winchester furrowed his eyebrows and opened the computer again.

“Just letting you know I’m boarding now,” you, or Dean supposed fake-you, continued. “The kids are with their grandparents.” Kids? “They told me to tell you they love you.”

“That’s nice…” Dean looked at Sam who whispered your fake name. Dean repeated it into the phone.

“Can’t wait to see you tomorrow!”

“Me neither.”

“Gotta go! Bye! I love you!”

“Love you too.” Dean never thought he would hear your voice say those three words again.

“So you married fake-(Y/N),” Sam said as he waggled his eyebrows at his older brother.

“Yeah,” Dean managed to get out. “And apparently we have kids? They’re with their grandparents now.” He took a deep breath. “She’s coming to see me.”

“Are you going to be okay?” There was no more humor in Sam’s voice. Dean really loved, loves, you.

“I’m great.”

~*~

Dean woke up early to someone knocking on his door. He had spent hours last night looking through fake-Dean’s extensive camera roll. He loved the birthday videos.

“Hey, Jensen,” your voice came from the other side of the door. “Are you gonna let me in?”

Dean scrambled to the door, smoothing down his bed head. He opened the door to reveal you. He took a moment to look at you. Clad in jeans, a white blouse, and a cream cardigan, you were so present.

“Hi, babe,” you, fake-you he had to remind himself, smiled. Then you pulled him down to press your lips against his and any thoughts vanished from his mind. “How have you been?” You moved inside.

“Great,” Dean couldn’t take his eyes off of you. “I’ve been doing great. Even better now that you’re here.”

“Such a sap,” you scoffed, but Dean could tell you were blushing.

“How have you been?”

“Kids have been a pain in my ass, but I love them.” You smiled a smile that caused Dean’s heart to skip a beat. “What time did you have to be on set?”

He hesitated. What was a normal time? “Seven… thirty?” he said slowly. You nodded and he released a breath. It was six-thirty now so you had an hour.

“I’m going to shower.” You pulled off your cardigan and boots before turning to him with a glint in your eye. “Wanna join me?”

Dean nodded eagerly and followed you into the bathroom.

~*~

“Jared,” you cheered when you spotted Sam. “Long time no see!”

Dean chuckled as you pulled his brother into an embrace.

“You don’t even know,” Sam replied. You had been his best friend and he missed your humor. “What are you doing here?”

“Jensen didn’t tell you?” You looked back at Dean who shrugged. “Today we’re doing some flashback scenes before the ‘big reveal.’” You motioned quotation marks in the air. “What do you think of, spoiler alert, the writers bringing (Y/N) back?”

The brothers gave each other looks over your head. Bringing (Y/N) back? What did you mean?

“I think they think that Dean’s getting too mopey,” you continued and pulled a script from your purse.

“Yeah, Dean’s definitely getting mopeier.” Sam grinned at his brother.

“I- Dean’s not that mopey,” he defended himself. “Can I see?” He motioned to the script which you happily handed over.

“I’m gonna go say hi to everyone.” You left greeting everyone along the way.

Dean flipped through the script until he found the description of (Y/N)’s return. Sam read out loud over his shoulder.

“The demons never actually killed her? Just brought her to the brink of death before hiding her away to torture her for years?”

“Do you think this is real? That she’s actually alive in our world.”

“I hope so.”

“Hey, boys!” Someone shouted by the cameras. “Go get ready!”

The brothers were whisked away to hair and makeup and wardrobe. Dean quickly found himself in a model of his room with you. You were wearing a flannel shirt that was obviously supposed to be his. You laid side by side on the bed.

“Do you ever think about starting a family?” You asked.

Dean remembered this conversation. You hadn’t grown up hunting like him and Sam. You had grown up thinking about having a family one day. Then some vamps had taken your sister and you had fallen into the life of a hunter.

“I tried once,” Dean replied. If he could ignore the lights, cameras, and the small audience, he could immerse himself in the memory. Then maybe he could ‘act.’

“Really?”

“After the apocalypse. I tried to do the whole ‘apple-pie life.’”

“Was it with Lisa and Ben?”

“Yeah,” Dean said gruffly. This was kinda hard, he thought. “Nobody can really leave this kind of life.”

When the scene was over, you pulled him into a hug and gave him a peck on the lips. Sam quickly joined them.

“Can I borrow him for a second?” He pulled Dean away. “When did you learn how to act?”

“Just did the same thing I did when we had that conversation years ago.”

“Yeah, well, good job. That thing has been glowing for about two minutes now.” Sam pointed at a wall in the set of the bunker where the symbol shone red. “Time to go.”

Dean looked over to you. Once again he had to remind himself that it wasn’t really you. Sam caught his brother’s longing glance.

“We can find (Y/N). The real (Y/N).”

Dean swallowed thickly and nodded. He followed Sam to the wall and bashed through the wall. They found themselves back in the bunker. Cas was standing above them.

“We have something to do.”

#angst #dean winchester #dean #dean winchester x reader #dean x reader #sam #sam winchester #cas #castiel #jensen and jared #jensen ackles #jared padalecki #spn #supernatural #the french mistake #au

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brittle-bone-gabe · 5 years

Text

The Forgotten: Chapter Four- But What If?

Chapter One, Chapter Two, Chapter Three, Chapter Five, Chapter Six, Chapter Seven, Chapter Eight, Chapter Nine, Chapter Ten, Chapter Eleven, Chapter Twelve, Chapter Thirteen, Chapter Fourteen, Chapter Fifteen, Chapter Sixteen, Chapter Seventeen, Chapter Eighteen, Chapter Nineteen, Chapter Twenty, Epilogue

Summary: Barry Berkman couldn’t remember much of his childhood; he knew he used to live in Derry, Maine, but that was about it, besides being taken by his “Uncle Fuches” at age 16 to move to Cleveland, Ohio. Eddie Kaspbrak moved from Derry, Maine to LA, becoming a police officer, surprisingly enough. Normally things were quiet for the most part, besides the occasional drug busts, but it’s when someone named Barry Block enters his line of sight as a possible suspect for the recent string of murders he has to push the feeling of remembrance to investigate. Pairing: Adult Reddie (Richie x Eddie) Or, technically, Barry x Eddie Read on Ao3: Here

After finding out that Barry was, in fact, being followed by an unknown person in an unknown car, he couldn’t take any more chances. On the way back to the hotel he was taking the back way, with many turns, took almost thirty-minutes longer, and overall was a pain in the ass. However, if that’s what Barry had to do to be kept from being followed then he’d do it over and over again. The entire time to keep from picking at his skin, he kept drumming his steering wheel, trying to focus on anything but that. Well… it seemed like he wasn’t being followed at this point, so maybe it was time to head back to the hotel; he was starting to feel exhausted anyways. With all the anxiety attacks and dissociation, of course he had the right to feel tired. He felt embarrassed about what happened in class tonight anyways, so isolating completely until the next classes sounded like the perfect plan for him.

Once he got back to the hotel, Barry was standing in front of the elevator, not yet having pressed a button. He swallowed hard as he was looking at all the floor options, but couldn’t bring himself to press on for some reason. I’ll be followed, I’ll be followed, I’ll be- He snapped out of it quickly when he heard the elevator beep, indicating that someone was on their way down. Eyes wide, Barry backed off quickly, heading to the stairwell to go up to the third floor of the hotel, constantly checking over his shoulder as he did.

There wasn’t a reason he should’ve been so panicked, right? Hell, he wasn’t even this anxious when he killed Janice. Just the fact that he kept the cop alive, that there was that slim chance that he couldn’t be out there again trying to find him sent Barry crazy. He couldn’t wait to tell Fuches what was bothering him this time, just so he could get slapped and told that he was overreacting, to just calm the fuck down and it’ll all go away. Hopefully…

He opened the door to the hotel room, all the lights were off, meaning that Fuches wasn’t in the room. Barry couldn’t think of where he could’ve run off too; he only went to the diner down the street, or once in a while he would go out personally to talk to a new contract. Whatever it was he was up to, Barry was hoping that it didn’t involve him in any way. The last job was exactly that… the last job.

From his back pocket, Barry could feel his phone vibrating. He was hoping that it was Fuches, explaining what he was up to, but it was Sally.

You okay? U seem upset :(

Barry sighed, throwing his phone on his pull out bed, which he could not be happier to see. He plopped down, hearing the springs settle from underneath him, putting his face in his hands as he let out a sigh. His heart was still pounding against his chest like he was in the middle of a gun fight, he needed to ground himself somehow. Who was Barry kidding? He didn’t have the coping skills to deal with this; he wanted to throw things, break things, release this anger somehow.

“I’m gonna have to kill him,” Barry mumbled to himself almost as if on autopilot, like he didn’t know what he was saying. “No, don’t do that…” he smacked his closed fist hard against his head trying to get rid of those thoughts. “You had your chance, you let him live, you can’t take that back now.”

Barry looked over to his right, seeing his laptop that was sitting with the screen half way closed. He couldn’t help himself when he grabbed it, opening his history and going back to Eddie’s Facebook profile. He couldn’t stop thinking about this; yeah, that was certainly the cop he let live, there was no doubt about that. Barry must’ve known him from Maine, even though he didn’t remember much of the place he knew him somehow. Something in Barry’s brain was trying to break free; memories, a bunch of memories were trying to escape being locked up after all these years. There was a lot Barry couldn’t exactly remember and it drove him fucking crazy, like something was trapped under his skin and he needed to rip it out.

Eddie Kaspbrak. The name filled Barry with happiness, like he knew him from long ago. A long lost friend maybe? Barry smacked his forehead a couple of times, trying to get himself to think harder about this. Nothing was exactly coming to mind, pushing Barry into further frustrating.

Suddenly, Barry slammed the laptop shut, putting it on the floor as he began breathing heavily. Fuck. He needed someone to talk to. Now.

He grabbed his phone, calling Fuches, praying that he picks up.

“Barry!” Fuches answered, sounding happy yet drunk at the same time. Must’ve been at the bar.

“Fuches…” Barry said, trying to keep his voice from shaking more than it already was.

“What’s the matter, son? You okay?” He asked, and Barry couldn’t tell if he really cared or was just drunk so it seemed like he cared.

“I’m fine… I just… You know how I lived in Maine?”

Fuches was silent for a moment, trying to understand what he was talking about. Oh. Right. “Huh?”

“Maine. I lived in Derry and we moved the Ohio.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about, Barry. We lived in Ohio,” he obviously lied through his teeth.

“No… no, I know where I grew up, Fuches. Derry, Maine. That’s… all I remember though. It’s like… a mental block. I don’t remember where I went to school, I don’t remember my parents or home life, shit, I don’t even know if I had friends.”

“Ooooh…” Fuches said, panicking before taking a quick shot. He was getting his lies tangled and needed to play along now. “Right. Derry. That place was so small I almost forgot about it.” How could he tell Barry that his father moved him and his wife to that town because it was so small and nobody could find him there? He wouldn’t. “Right. I took you to Ohio when you were sixteen, remember?”

“I mean… yeah, but-”

“I don’t have any answers for you, Barry. I took you out of there when your parents left.”

Barry opened his mouth to ask more questions, but Fuches had hung up on him almost immediately. Well, that left Barry with more questions than answers, and he was feeling more upset than he did before calling Fuches. Thanks. He grabbed his laptop again, typing in Derry, Maine in the Facebook search bar, hoping to find other people who may have lived there that maybe he could recognize.

Only a small handful of people showed up in the search area, none of which Barry recognized based on faces and names. Barry was better at knowing faces than names anyways, but this wasn’t at all helpful. Well… there was one he possibly recognized. A woman with red hair named Beverly Hanscom. She was pretty, someone Barry felt like he also remembered.

Fuck. Barry didn’t know what the fuck was going on anymore, he was in an endless loop of what if’s and it was driving him insane.

-----

Driving up and down the dark roads only being covered by street lamps was making Eddie grumpy and antsy. How could he have lost their car so easily? It was a crappy old beat up car that would’ve been easy to spot. He had no idea who was driving it, but based on how the tall man was acting outside noticing Eddie’s car it made him suspicious. Yeah, he noticed how often this guy was looking around his mirrors in his car, getting out the moment he saw Eddie’s car and was trying to hide his face from him. All of that jumped out as suspicious, right? Or maybe the need to catch the guy who shot him and most likely Janice was getting the better of Eddie.

Shaking his head, Eddie turned his unmarked car around, heading back to the theater. There was only car left in the parking lot, hopefully it was Gene Cousineau hanging behind. That’s who Eddie really needed to talk to right now. He put on the necklace he carried around with his police badge, he only used it when he was wearing civilian clothes but needed to do police work on the side.

When Eddie stepped out of the car he checked his surroundings, making sure nobody was going to ambush him as he limped his way to the theater. That was the last thing he needed. He wasn’t carrying his gun and would be defenseless if anyone tried anything.

The theater was dark when he entered, only the lights up by the main stage were on and the lights in the nearby hallway. Eddie looked around before making his way down the hallway, he didn’t see anyone yet.

“Gene Cousineau?” He called out, hoping to get a response. There was some fumbling around on the second door on the right, so that’s where Eddie headed to. He stood in the doorway, seeing an older man he recognized from the pictures of the possible suspects back at the station. The man that Mae had swore was innocent. “Gene?” He asked again.

“Interested in the class?” was the only thing the older man said, standing up from his chair at his desk. “First class is free then you gotta pay upfront,” he continued as he picked up the picture frame that tumbled to the floor.

“Oh, no, I’m not… I’m Officer Kaspbrak,” he held up his necklace badge to the older man who looked at it with a confused expression. “I was hoping we could talk about Janice Moss. It won’t take long, I promise.” Gene didn’t say anything, he only gestured to the seat that was in front of his desk, both taking a seat. “Firstly, I want to apologize if I… bring up any old feelings,” Eddie started, pulling out a small notepad and pen from his front t-shirt pocket. “But I need to know what happened the night you last saw her.” Eddie noticed the picture frame that Gene was putting back on his desk was a picture of him and Janice, both in formal wear with huge smiles on their faces. Aw, that’s sweet.

“Well… we were up at my cabin with two of my students; Sally Reed and Barry Block,” as he was talking Eddie was scribbling down notes,

“Why were you guys up there?”

“Well, I was bringing Janice and thought since Sally and Barry were together at the time they’d like to come join us.”

“Okay,” Eddie pulled the folded up pictures that were sticking out of his back pocket, “I need a visual,” he started, handing the pictures over to Gene, “which one is Sally and Barry?” Yeah, the pictures had their names on the back, but Eddie needed to be sure who was who here. The first picture was of the pretty woman with blonde hair and green eyes, the other one who Eddie had expected to be Barry Block. Great. “So they’re dating?” He asked, turning the pictures over so he could see them.

“Well…” Gene shrugged a little, “off and on again. An odd chemistry between them.”

Eddie bit his bottom lip, trying to think of anymore questions he may have had. Nothing was coming to mind at the moment, so that should be it for now.

“Mr. Cousineau, I just want to thank you for your time and cooperation. I’ll come back if I have anymore questions, but if you have anything else for me…” he dug through his shirt pocket again, pulling out his card. “Feel free to give me a call.”

“Wait,” Gene said as they both stood up, holding the card in his hands, “why are you opening this case up again? And why my class of all people? None of them could hurt a fly- well… besides Ryan who apparently could’ve, I suppose.”

Eddie put a hand on his leg as it suddenly started to ache. “I think I may have discovered some connections between the case,” he started, “I feel like the same person who killed Ryan also killed Janice and…” he paused a moment, starting to feel emotional himself. “Janice was my best friend, y’know?” Eddie was doing his best to not cry in front of Gene. He was a police officer, he needed to keep his emotions in check. “I just need to make sure the right people are getting punished for the crime.”

Gene held out his hand to Eddie, who looked at it before looking up at the shorter man.

“Thank you,” Gene said with a sad smile on his face as Eddie shook his hand. “Thank you for reopening the case. I haven’t been able to sleep at night because I just know it was never properly solved. Oh! Here!” He moved to his coat that was on the back of his office chair. He pulled out a key, dropping it in Eddie’s hand. “That’s the key to my cabin if you need it to look around.”

“Thank you, this’ll be helpful. Have a goodnight, Mr. Cousineau.”

“Stay safe, Officer.”

The moment Eddie turned to leave the office tears were silently falling down his face. He waited until he was walking down the hallway to wipe them off. Keep it together, save the emotions for later, he thought to himself as he went back out to his car.

19 notes · View notes

queertazsecretsanta · 5 years

Text

A gift for @corvid-squire, created by @ipretwins!

Title: Ango’s First Candlenights

Kravitz woke to an empty bed, which was strange in itself. His boyfriend, Taako, was not an early riser. Kravitz usually had to spend ten to twenty minutes convincing Taako to get out from under the covers when they actually had somewhere to be. So when he awoke at eight thirty on a Saturday that they both had off from work to cold sheets and empty arms, he was confused as well as concern.

Kravitz pushed off the covers and grabbed a tee shirt to pull over his bare chest. He wandered out of their bedroom and down the hall of their small apartment, looking for any signs of Taako.

“Taako?” He called, his voice rusty from sleep. “Babe?”

“Kitchen!” Came the reply.

Kravitz turned the corner to find a war zone. There were trays of latkes, pancakes, waffles, and french toast piled high on the counter. Two pies sat cooling. The smell of gravy was thick in the air. Something was in the over. Various ingredients were strewn about and it seemed that all of their dishes were piled into the sink. In the center of it all was Taako, standing at the stove, flipping omelets.

“Whatcha doin’?” Kravitz asked, a little unnerved by the mania.

Taako turned around and flashed him a smile. He was already dressed, in a soft white shirt with black leggings and an oversized pink cardigan. “Breakfast,” He said.

“Yeah, I can see that. Is the entire town coming over for breakfast this morning?”

“No,” Taako scoffed. “What are you talking…” He trained off, surveying the room. “Okay, so I can see that I’ve gone a little overboard.”

Kravitz chuckled. “A little?” He asked.

Taako flipped a final omelet and then turned off the stove.

“I guess I just woke up early and got carried away. No big deal.”

Kravitz walked over to Taako and wrapped him up in his arms, placing a kiss on his forehead. “So then this has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that Angus is coming over today?”

Taako scoffed again. “What? No. Of course not. Is that today? I completely forgot.”

“Mhm.”

“I did! What is it? Tuesday? I can’t be expected to keep up with things.”

“It’s Candlenights, Taaks.”

Taako nodded. “Right, right, yeah. Well. Cool. Good thing we’ll have an extra mouth to help us eat all this.”

“You don’t have to be nervous, babe.”

“Nervous? What do you mean nervous? I’m not nervous. No fuckin’ eleven year old can make me nervous.”

“Of course not. Especially not one who loves you as much as Angus does.”

“Uh, cha’yeah. Of course he loves me. I’m Taako. From TV. Everyone loves me.”

Kravitz smiled. He kissed Taako again, on the lips this time.

The two of them had been dating for a little over a year. They had met through a mutual friend. Well, a few mutual friends. Kravitz was a conductor, and he was about to put on a make or break showcase, when his second violinist got sick. Luckily, his first violinist’s boyfriend worked security for a fancy science laboratory and knew all of the people there. And one of those people just happened to be a classically trained violinist. As well as Taako’s sister. Taako came to the performance, Lup introduced the two of them afterward, and the rest was history.

Kravitz still marveled at how lucky he was to have met Taako.

A few months into their relationship, Taako met Angus. Angus had snuck into the IPRE - the laboratory where Taako worked as a chemist - because he wanted to “observe the science.” Taako caught him and rather than immediately kick him out, started showing him around the lab. Angus’s foster mother found him a few hours later. According to Taako, she stormed into the lab demanding to know where Angus was and how he’d snuck out of the house. Taako managed to de-escalate the situation, and somehow worked out a deal where Angus could come over to the lab once a week as long as he told someone where he was going.

Eventually, Taako started inviting Angus over for dinner, and out to movies, and Kravitz could tell he really fell in love with the kid. Kravitz knew that Taako and his sister didn’t get adopted until they were seventeen, and as much as Taako denied it, he had a real soft spot for kids. Especially kids like Angus, who reminded him so much of himself.

And now Angus was coming over for the last day of Candlenights. And Taako was freaking out.

“It’s going to be fine,” Kravitz said again.

“Yeah, I know it’ll be fine. Of course, it’ll be fine–”

The doorbell rang. Taako jumped.

“Fuck!” He yelled. “Go put real clothes on! They’re gonna think we live in a god damn barn!” He shooed Kravitz off to change and ran to the door.

Taako took a deep breath as he reached the door. He could do this. Angus was just a kid. It didn’t matter if he liked Taako or not! That being said, Taako really wanted Angus to like him.

He watched Kravitz disappear into their bedroom, then looked back at the door, and his hand on the doorknob. He forced his face into a neutral position and threw the door open.

“Agnes!” He said. Angus and his social worker, Brad, were standing in the hallway of Taako’s apartment building.

“Er, it’s Angus, sir. Still Angus.”

“That’s what I said, isn’t it?”

“Uh…”

Taako smiled. “I’m just kidding, kid. Come in, you must be fu– you must be starving.”

Taako moved aside so that Angus could step into the apartment. The kid took a small, nervous step in. He was dressed in a blue shirt with a maroon sweater vest and jeans. His curly hair was clearly patted down with nothing but water, and his glasses looked newly cleaned. It was adorable.

“Angus!” Taako heard Kravitz say as he bounded down the hallway. He was dressed in black suit pants and a white button-down shirt. His dreadlocks had been put into a bun. “Good to see you.”

Angus smiled nervously and waved. Taako turned to Brad.

“So,” He said. “Bradson–”

“Please, Taako, we’re friends, you don’t have to call me by my last name.”

“Your name is Brad Bradson?” Taako asked.

“Isn’t yours Taako Tacco?”

“Taako Highchurch-Davenport, actually.”

“Of course. Forgive me.”

“Anyway, is there anything I need to sign? Like a waiver or something that says if the kid gets killed I’ll pay for the funeral?” He chuckled awkwardly when Brad raised an eyebrow. “I’m just, uh, kidding.”

“If you could sign this, please,” Brad said pleasantly. He held out a clipboard with a form attached. Taako nodded and signed the signature line. He handed it back to Brad.

“Alright, well, I’ll come to pick Angus back up at seven. Angus, you have your phone, yes?” Angus nodded and held up an old flip phone. “Alright,” Brad said. “Message me every hour, please.”

Angus nodded. “Yes sir,” He said.

“You kids have fun!” Brad said, waving as he left.

Taako waved as well and shut the door behind him.

He turned to Angus, who smiled weakly.

“So,” He said. “Have you had breakfast?”

“Uh, no, sir,” Angus said.

“Ango, how many times have I told you to cut that ‘sir’ shit out?”

“Sorry, s-Taako.”

Taako sighed. Angus was fiddling with a loose thread in his clearly hand-me-down sweater. Angus didn’t like to talk about his foster home life, but Taako knew it was rough. He knew it was rough both from his own experiences and from Angus’s body language and reactions. Taako wished that he could swoop in and save the kid.

“Do you want breakfast?” He asked.

“I mean, you don’t have to, I–”

“Angus, I made like, so much food. Oh my god like so much food. Like I’ll be pissed if you don’t eat it.”

Angus giggled. “Okay then.”

Taako smiled. He grabbed Angus by the hand. “Come on, kid.” He dragged him to the kitchen. Kravitz made Vannah White hands framing their food-filled kitchen.

Angus’s eyes widened. “Woah,” he said.

“Like I said,” Taako said. “So much food.”

“Have as much as you want,” Kravitz said.

“I don’t–I probably shouldn’t–”

“Lemme get you a plate,” Taako said. He grabbed a plate and began to pile it with food he thought Angus would like.

After setting Angus up at their small dining table, Kravitz and Taako went through picking out food for themselves.

“He looks happy,” Kravitz whispered.

“Yeah,” Taako said. “I hope so.”

They had only barely finished breakfast when the door burst open.

“Candlenights, motherfuckers!” The voice of Taako’s sister, Lup, rang through the apartment. Angus smiled and jumped out of his seat to go greet her. He was halfway there when he realized that he didn’t put his plate up, and a shot of fear ran through him. He went to take it back, but Taako had already picked it up and carried it to the sink.

“You need somethin’ pumpkin?” He asked.

Angus shook his head. He turned back around and ran to Lup. She and Barry were taking off their snow clothes.

“Angus!” Lup said. “How’s my favorite nephew doing!”

“I’m not actually your–”

“Details, details, give me a hug, little dude!”

Angus smiled and wrapped Lup in a hug. Barry walked over and ruffled his hair.

“Hey, Angus,” he said. “Happy Candlenights.”

“Happy Candlenights, sir!” Angus said.

“Wait a minute!” Someone said. Angus turned to see Magnus Burnsides-Waxmen-Davenport-Highchurch (Taako’s adoptive brother), standing in the doorway with his arms full of presents. “Is it Candlenights? Shit! I totally forgot. Good thing I brought all these presents anyway!”

His wife, Julia Waxmen-Burnsides-Davenport-Highchurch rolled her eyes affectionately. She was standing next to him, holding their baby daughter June.

“Make sure you put your presents under the Candlenights bush,” Taako said, walking into the room. “Unlike these animals.” He pointed his thumb at Lup and Barry. “This place is already tiny, we don’t need shit everywhere.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Lup said, pulling her brother into a tight hug while Barry began to move presents. “I haven’t seen you in forever,” she groaned as she rocked him from side to side. “When are you guys moving in with me and Barold?”

Taako released his sister. “As soon as our lease is up.”

Angus’s heart clenched. Taako and Kravitz were moving away? Is that why they’d invited him to spend Candlenights with them? So that they could let him down gently?

“You… you guys are moving?” Angus asked.

“Just across town,” Kravitz said. “Lup and Barry bought a big five-bedroom house and we’re gonna move in with them so we can have more space.”

“Oh,” Angus said, relieved that they weren’t leaving. “Why do you need more space?”

Taako and Kravitz shared a look.

“No reason,” Taako shrugged. “Just… feelin’ a little cramped, is all.”

“The new house is great, Ango,” Lup said. “We got an awesome deal on it cause everyone says that it’s haunted.”

Angus giggled.

“You’ll have to come by sometime to help us bust ghosts!” Barry added.

“I would really like that,” Angus said. This was another reason why he loved being with Taako and Kravitz. What had started with just Taako letting him observe his work in the lab had turned into so much more. First, there was Kravitz, then Lup and Barry, then the rest of Taako’s massive family. Angus felt like he had all these people who cared about him. He wished that he was as close to his foster family as Taako and Lup were to theirs. He knew that Merle and Davenport had adopted Taako and Lup as well as Magnus and Lucretia. He also knew that it was super rare for stuff like that to happen. He’d probably never get adopted for real, so this was the next best thing.

“Where’s Lucretia?” Taako asked.

Magnus began to talk. “She’s on her–”

“Sorry I’m late!” A voice ran out through the hallway. Lucretia came barreling into the room, her arms full of carefully wrapped gifts. While Lucretia was the youngest family member, she had been living with Merle and Davenport the longest and was the only one who still lived at their house, as she was working her way through a PhD program. She walked in and placed the presents carefully under the Candlenights bush, then pulled everyone in the room into a tight hug, with a kiss on the forehead for baby June. “Dad and Pops said that they’d be down in a few hours and to open presents without them. They said they wanted alone time.”

“Disgusting,” Taako said.

Magnus and Lup nodded.

“Come on guys,” Kravitz said. “They’ve been married for what, twenty years?”

“Yeah,” Julia added. “They have s–”

“If you finish that sentence I will ban you from my house don’t even trip,” Taako said.

Kravitz and Julia fell into a fit of giggles. Angus saw Barry trying (and failing) to hide a smile.

“Let’s stop this conversation right now and open presents!” Magnus said loudly. The baby in Julia’s arms cooed in agreement.

They all migrated over to the Candlenights bush and began to hand out presents, person by person. They began with baby June and everyone cooed over all of the cute baby shit that she got. Then they went to Julia, then Magnus, Kravitz, Taako, Lup, Barry, and finally Lucretia.

“Who are all the rest of these presents for?” Angus asked. “Mr. and Mr. Davenport-Highchurch?”

Taako smiled. “Hell no kiddo. They’re for you. Duh.”

“What?” Angus was genuinely bewildered.

“Yeah,” Kravitz said. “We wanted to save yours until the end since you definitely have the most presents to open.”

Everyone else nodded in agreement.

Angus felt tears welling up in his eyes. “But I’m not… I don’t… you shouldn’t have.”

“Holy shit, Agnes, are you crying?” Taako asked, getting off the couch and kneeling down to where Angus was on the floor.

“N-No,” Angus muttered, wiping at his eyes.

Taako gently took his hand. “Hey, pumpkin, it’s okay. You don’t have to take them if you don’t want them.”

“No, I-I want the presents I just… I didn’t think you guys would get me anything.”

“Of course we got you presents,” Kravitz said.

“Yeah,” Lup said. “You’re part of the family.”

“I–Really?”

“Of course, Angus,” Julia said. “You don’t have to be related by blood or law to be a part of our family.”

“You’ve been around here about as long as baby June has,” Magnus said. “And she’s definitely part of the family.”

Angus laughed and smiled. Lucretia handed him a present wrapped in sparkly pink foil. “This one is from Taako,” she said.

Angus took the present and tore it open. It was a fancy microscope, a miniature version of the one Taako used in his lab. Angus gasped.

“Oh my god, sir, I, Taako, I, I love it! Thank you so much!” He pulled Taako into a hug.

Taako wrapped his arms around Angus. “Yeah, well, there’s a… there’s plenty more, so don’t waste all your energy on this one,” he said, voice fond.

A few hours later, Taako and Lup were in the kitchen working on dinner while Kravitz stood against the wall rocking the baby to sleep. Davenport and Merle had come over and were sipping wine and playing cards with Lucretia. Julia was in the bedroom taking a well-earned nap, and Angus was absolutely schooling Barry and Magnus at dreidel.

“Gimmel again?” Magnus said as Angus took all the gelt into his pot. “Jeez, kid, how are you so good at this?”

Angus shrugged. Kravitz knew how he was so good at it. Taako had given him a weighted dreidel that always landed on gimmel if you spun it a certain way.

Angus smiled and shrugged. Kravitz caught his eye and winked.

“So…” Lup said, lightly smacking her brother with a dish towel. “When are you two gonna pop the question?”

“After everyone leaves tonight,” Taako said. “We didn’t want to overwhelm him with everyone being here. But that means you chucklefucks have to be gone by six thirty, cause Brad comes to get him at seven.”

Lup nodded. “I’ll make sure everyone leaves. Besides, the sun sets at five so we should be able to light the candles then and have plenty of time to eat dinner while they melt down.”

Taako nodded.

“Are you nervous?” Lup asked.

“Taako doesn’t get nervous,” Taako lied.

Lup rolled her eyes. She looked at Kravitz and raised an eyebrow.

“A little,” he said.

“Well, I think you guys are gonna be great–”

“Hey, Lup!” Angus said, running into the kitchen. “You wanna play dreidel? Barry and Taako ran out of gelt so we’re using quarters now.”

Lup smirked. “Kid, I made that dreidel you’re using. I literally invented this grift. But I’m sure Kravitz will play with you.”

Kravitz blushed, not wanting to lose his cash. “I, um, the baby–”

“I can take her,” Taako said, his grin matching his sister’s. “Go get ‘em, babe.”

Kravitz sighed, but transferred June to his boyfriend’s arms.

“You know, Taako hasn’t taught me how to do the spin,” he whispered to Angus.

“Yeah, I know,” Angus said, grinning.

“He says it’s a family secret.”

Angus nodded, and his smile grew wider.

“Hey kid, do you wanna light the candles?” Merle asked.

“What? Me? I don’t…”

Taako smiled and put a hand on Angus’s shoulder. “Yeah, you. We take turns lighting the candles every night of Candlenights. I lit them the first night, natch, then Lup, then Mango, then Lucy, then Barry, Krav, and Julia, and then last night Davenport did it.”

“So wouldn’t that mean it was your turn, Mr. Merle?” Angus asked.

Merle shrugged. “I’ve lit enough menorahs to last me several lifetimes, what with my job and all. You go for it.”

Angus smiled. “I um, I haven’t lit the menorah since my grandpa died,” he confessed.

Taako squeezed his shoulder affectionately, his heart clenching up a bit. “It’s okay. We all go through dry spells.”

“Here, Angus, let me help you with the lighter,” Magnus said. Taako released Angus and turned back to Merle.

“Thank you,” he mouthed.

Merle shrugged and made a “don’t worry about it,” gesture.

Taako smiled again, then turned towards the menorah as Kravitz hit the lights and they all sang the blessings.

“Alright chucklefucks,” Lup said about thirty seconds after they finished singing. “Let’s eat!”

Dinner with Taako’s family was always something special. Magnus broke a plate. Lucretia downed half a box of wine. Lup threw a turkey leg at Merle’s head. Julia dared Barry to eat something too disgusting mention and then he did and she almost cried. Kravitz got potatoes in his hair. Taako dumped a drink down Lup’s shirt. Davenport stood on the table and yelled at all of them for acting like children. Somehow June slept through the whole thing. It was glorious.

Taako kept an eye on Angus throughout the entire thing to make sure that he wasn’t feeling overwhelmed, but he had a huge smile on his face the entire time, even as Magnus accidentally lobed a biscuit at his face. (He was aiming for Lucretia.)

At six fifteen, Lup started to clear the table.

“Hey!” Merle protested as she grabbed his half-eaten plate of food. “I wasn’t done with that!”

“Don’t care!” Lup yelled. “Everybody out! Let’s go! Come on! I’ve got a surprise over at my place and you don’t want to miss it!”

“Thanks,” Taako whispered to her as she passed him.

She smiled. “The surprise is that I’m gonna make them help me and Barry unpack the home lab.”

Taako smiled as well. “Don’t let them break any of my shit.”

“Good luck,” Lup said and winked. She stood up and yelled again. “Last one to the parking lot gets eaten by Terry the Nondenominational Gift Delivery Dragon!”

“Are we gonna go, sirs?” Angus asked, looking between Taako and Kravitz.

“We’re actually gonna stay here,” Kravitz said. “But we’ll take you to Lup and Barry’s house soon.”

“Oh,” Angus said. “Uh, okay. Bye, everyone!”

“Bye Angus!” Lucretia said.

“We love you!” Magnus and Julia chorused.

“See you soon, kid,” Merle said.

“Always a pleasure, Angus,” Davenport said.

“Later, Ango,” Barry said, patting Angus on the head.

“Love you more than time and space little man!” Lup called, slamming the door behind her.

Taako turned to Angus as the door closed and took a deep breath. “Do you want some ice cream?”

Angus sat on Taako and Kravitz’s couch, surrounded by wrapping paper, wrapped up in a blanket knitted by one of Kravitz’s moms and holding a bowl of rocky road ice cream. Taako and Kravitz were sitting across from him, Kravitz in the armchair and Taako perched on the armrest.

“What is this about?” Angus asked, his heart pumping a million miles a minute.

“Well…” Kravitz began. “We’ve um, we’ve been thinking, lately, and, uh, feel–feel free to say no, but we were wondering… uh, Taako?”

Taako took a deep breath. “We want to adopt you, Angus. Kravitz and I.”

Angus felt his eyes widen. He dropped his spoon. “What.”

“That’s why we’re moving in with Barry and Lup,” Kravitz said. “So that you can have space. A bedroom to yourself and a big backyard–”

“And there are other kids in the neighborhood, it’s really close to Magnus and Julia’s place, too–”

“And right by a really great school for gifted students.”

“You really want to adopt me?” Angus asked. “Me?”

Taako and Kravitz nodded. “We’ve been taking classes and stuff, and working on getting our foster licenses,” Taako said. “We didn’t want to tell you until they’d been approved, but we just got the approval a few days ago… it was perfect timing, really.”

“And we’ve been working on filling out paperwork and stuff for the actual adoption,” Kravitz added. “Our lease ends next month, and once we move into Barry and Lup’s place you’re welcome to come move in with us. Then we can start reviews and everything for adoption.”

“That is, of course, if you want us to adopt you,” Taako said. “Which it would be totally chill if you didn’t. We can still hang out and stuff.”

“But…” Angus looked at his hands, and his slowly melting ice cream. “I’m not… I’m not a baby. I’m not cute or special or anything. I’m just… me.”

Taako smiled. “Yeah, duh, of course you’re you. That’s what we want.”

“Angus,” Kravitz said. “We love you. So much. Our families love you. You’re… our family wouldn’t be complete without you.”

Angus wiped at his eyes. “You mean it?”

Taako smiled. A tear slipped down his cheek. “Hell yeah, pumpkin,” he said.

Angus threw off the blanket and pulled Kravitz and Taako into a hug. Pull his dads into a hug.

“I love you guys too,” he said, his voice watery. “And… I would love to be adopted by you.”

Their touching moment was interrupted by a knock on the door.

“Hello?” Someone called out. “It’s Brad.”

Taako sighed heavily. Angus giggled.

“Here,” Kravitz said. “Let’s gather up all of your presents.”

“Do you think you could actually keep them here?” Angus said. “I don’t want them getting fucked up by the other kids.”

Kravitz nodded.

Taako opened the door for Brad.

“Are you ready to go, Angus?” He asked.

Angus nodded. “I guess,” he said.

“We’ll see you soon, Ango,” Taako said, pulling Angus into a hug. “Happy Candlenights,” he said. “I’m glad you were here.”

“Happy Candlenights, Taako.”

Angus went to hug Kravitz. “Happy Candlenights, Kravitz.”

“Happy Candlenights,” Kravitz said. “The first of many where we’re all together.”

#corvid-squire #ipretwins #queercandlenights #taz #the adventure zone #taakitz #angus #fic #submission

207 notes · View notes

a-splash-of-stucky · 6 years

Text

Priorities | Two

Pairings: Bucky x Reader

Summary: Bucky breaks his promise.

Warnings: Implied smut, nudity, language. Angst. The ‘baby talk’

Word Count: 3.2k

Notes: Written for @buckyofthemyscira‘s 5k Disney Writing Challenge.

I said the angst would get worse and it does! Brace yourselves :D

Series Masterlist | My Masterlist | Tags are open, add yourself here

“Let’s have a baby,” says Bucky.

You’re about five minutes post-orgasm, still trying to catch your breath and calm your galloping heart, so it takes a few seconds for your brain to actually register and process what he’s just said. You lift your head from where it’s pillowed on his chest and look at him through narrowed eyes.

“You wanna what-now?”

“A baby,” he repeats, as he rolls onto his side, forcing you to scoot back and give him some space. Bucky slings an arm over your waist loosely, fingers idly tracing the bare skin at the small of your back. You prop your head up one elbow so that you can look at him properly.

“Why?” you ask.

Bucky shrugs. “Maybe ‘cause we’ve been married for almost two years? I dunno, I just feel like...we’re in a good position financially, Tony’s all but guaranteed me a promotion, your business is thriving — maybe it’s time, y’know?”

You bite your lip as you mull over his words, not yet convinced. “I dunno,” you mumble, “Having a kid is a pretty big commitment.”

“I know, but—we’re in a good place, aren’t we?” he asks, shifting forward to press his forehead to yours.

“I guess so,” you reply hesitantly. “I just...I need some time to think about this, okay? I want that with you, don’t get me wrong but...I’m not sure if I’m ready, yet.”

Bucky smiles at you, soft and tender. For a moment, he looks exactly like the boy you fell in love with, all those years ago. “Of course, honey,” he murmurs, bending to press a gentle kiss to your lips. “I’m not saying we gotta do it now — whenever you’re ready, doll. It’s no rush.”

You flash him a smile in return, and pray that he won’t see past the mask that you’ve painted on your face.

Sensing that the conversation is over, you slump into the pillows, groaning in relief as you stretch out your pleasantly-exhausted muscles. Bucky rumbles low in his chest as he slides his hands down your naked back, stopping to cup the swell of your ass.

“Maybe...maybe we could start practicing, though?” he asks hopefully.

You bark out a laugh as you turn to glare at him playfully. “You’re insatiable, Mr Barnes,” you tease.

“Can’t help it, when I’ve got such a pretty wife,” he replies, moving to cage you in with his forearms, forcing you to roll onto your back. You hum as you loop your hands over his neck and tangle your fingers through his hair, bringing him in for a filthy kiss.

“Perhaps you should try your best to convince me — I might make up my mind, sooner,” you say huskily, as you nose along his stubbled jaw.

Bucky pulls back, eyes dark with lust and gleaming with promise. “Challenge accepted, sweetheart.”

—

a-sprinkle-of-sunshine posted at 2.36PM: Kids??

I know I don’t usually make posts on a Sunday, but something’s just happened and I’d really like some advice.

In my last post, I talked about the current status of my marriage (btw, many thanks to everyone who left a supportive comment/piece of advice!). Today, I’d like to share with you a further development.

This morning, my husband brought up the subject of children. Specifically, he brought up the subject of us having children. Basically, hubby said that he wanted to have them. I should also say that he wasn’t in any way pressuring me to have them soon, which I appreciate.

Why am I telling you this?

Well, you all know that I’d like to have some children of my own, one day. I want to raise kids with him, but I do have some reservations.

A friend of mine sent me an interesting article a couple of weeks ago (link), which it got me thinking. From observing my friends and acquaintances, I think that this is an issue that applies to many of us in long-term heterosexual relationships.

So many women are basically “married single mothers”. They’re single mothers, despite having a husband or male s/o at home.

Let’s assume that mom and dad are both working (as is the case for hubby and I). In most families, when dad comes home, he puts his feet up on the table and chills out by playing on his Xbox or phone or whatever. He doesn’t offer to help with the dishes, he’s not cooking dinner, he’s literally just sitting there. Sometimes, dad doesn’t even come home until it’s almost midnight.

Meanwhile, mom’s there trying to make sure that dinner’s on the table, that the kids have done their homework, that they’re doing okay in school, that they’ve packed their bags for the next day — looking after the kids, basically. My point is, in most heterosexual families as I’ve described, there’s a clear gender split in terms of child-raising responsibilities.

I don’t want that. Yes, even though I work from home and could devote a lot of time to child-upbringing, that’s not what I want. I want my husband and I to raise a child together, to have equal responsibility, to share the burdens and joys. I don’t want my children to see my husband as a stranger, y’know?

But, with the way that hubby is getting busier and busier by the day, well — I think it’s quite likely that, if we have kids, I’m gonna end up as a married single mom. In my heart of hearts, I believe that our marriage will suffer if we have a baby now. I’m scared that my husband won’t be there to watch them grow up

I know, I know — I NEED TO TALK THIS OUT WITH HIM, and I will, I promise. I’m just...I don’t know what I’m gonna say. I need to think about it, for a bit.

Anyway. Any and all advice on this matter would be much appreciated, especially if you’ve been through a similar situation.

—

Sundays are for chilling out, but apparently, Bucky didn’t get that memo.

You’ve been trying to get him out of the house all day, to no avail. The two of you had rolled out of bed at around lunchtime and, after sharing a long shower, had wandered to the kitchen to cook up some pasta. In the middle of your meal, Bucky had gotten a call from Tony, which was filled with clipped sentences and terse voices. Since then, he’s stationed himself at the kitchen island, laptop open and papers spread out in front of him, frantically making last-minute changes to his designs.

“I’m sorry, honey — maybe later?” he’d said, when you’d suggested going out for a walk.

“Sweetie, I’m busy right now, I’m sorry,” he’d said an hour later, when you’d asked him if he wanted to watch a movie with you.

“Sorry, doll, this code’s got a major bug in it, I gotta try and sort it out, I can’t go right now,” he’d said, when you’d asked if he wanted to go somewhere for dinner.

You want to scream at him in frustration.

You know that you need to confront this issue sooner rather than later, but you don’t have the strength to deal with it right now. After ordering dinner from a nearby Chinese takeout place, you curl up in front of the TV for — yet another — quiet night in, alone. The fact that you’re having dinner by yourself is kind of ridiculous, given that your husband is literally sat twenty feet away from you.

Since you’re not getting much company from Bucky tonight, you decide to head to bed early.

You sigh as you curl up on your side of the king-sized mattress, frustrated by the fact that your husband just — doesn’t seem to have time for you, anymore. A part of you feels guilty for being angry at Bucky, given that he’s only working so hard so that he can save up more money and give you a good life. Nonetheless, you can’t help thinking that there must be a limit to how much he should be working.

It takes two to have a marriage, after all.

You lie in bed, dozing in and out of dreams whilst you wait for your husband to call it a night. Sometime after eleven, you’re awoken from your light slumber by the feeling of the bed dipping with Bucky’s weight as he climbs in. He presses a kiss to your temple as he slides under the covers and curls himself around your back, slipping an arm around your waist to pull you closer. You reach back to give his hip an affectionate squeeze.

“Hey, doll, sorry — didn’t mean to wake you,” he whispers.

“S’okay,” you mumble sleepily. “You got your work done?”

“Yeah,” he replies, burying his face against the back of your neck. “Sorry our Sunday got ruined, though. Tell you what — my schedule’s free on Tuesday evening, why don’t I make a reservation at Giovanni’s and take you out for dinner, huh?”

You hum in agreement, lacing your fingers with Bucky’s where they lie over your stomach. “M’kay,” you murmur, “G’night, Buck.”

“Sweet dreams, doll.”

—

When Tuesday evening rolls around, you find yourself sitting at your dressing table, putting the finishing touches to your eye makeup.

You’re in a good mood, today — you had a productive meeting with Peter earlier this afternoon, and he’d gone away promising to look into some of the problems that you’ve been having with your website. Your supplier has gotten back to you with a reasonable price quote for the limited edition notebooks that you’re selling for autumn/winter, and you’ve scheduled the blog post that’s supposed to go up tomorrow.

All in all, a fulfilling day.

Despite being buoyed by your high spirits, there’s a lingering seed of worry in your gut. Your reservation for Giovanni’s is at seven, and Bucky still hasn’t texted you to say that he’s left work, even though it’s already half-past six.

You’ve dressed up nicely for the occasion, putting on a blue dress that compliments your skin tone and fits your body perfectly. You’ve paired the dress with some strappy heels, and have put a little extra effort into your hair and makeup too.

Your phone rings just as you’re swiping on your lipstick.

“Hello?”

“Hey, sweetheart,” Bucky says breathlessly. “I just checked the time.”

“Are you on the way?”

“Uh...no,” he says slowly, “I’m still tied up at work.”

You set your tube of lipstick down on your vanity, his sentence settling in like a boulder at the bottom of your stomach.

Of course he’d say that. Of course he’d have to go and ruin what was otherwise a good day.

“You’re coming home late?” you ask, voice a little shaky.

Bucky sighs. “Yeah, honey. I really can’t wriggle my way out of this one.”

You purse your lips. “Okay. I understand.”

“You do?” Bucky asks, sounding relieved.

“Yeah, of course. Your work’s more important than your wife, I see that,” you say sharply. It’s a low blow, but you’re pissed off, and you want your words to wound him deeply, just as he has hurt you.

His sharp inhale on the other end of the line tells you that you’ve achieved your goal.

“No, sweetie, c’mon, just try to understand what I’m—”

“No, you try and understand how I’m feeling, James,” you hiss, fighting to hold back the hot tears of anger brimming in the corners of your eyes. “Am I not — important to you?”

“No,” he says fiercely, “Sweetheart, don’t think like that, I’m just making sure that when we have kids—”

“Oh, when?” you say angrily, “It’s a ‘when’, now? We’re having kids, that’s confirmed, is it? Are you even gonna be there to watch them grow up?”

Bucky exhales harshly. “Honey, we’re not having this conversation on the phone—”

“No? Then when the fuck are we gonna have it, James Buchanan? Hmm? Because you’re hardly ever home, and even when you are, you’re too busy thinking about work to listen to me, anyway.”

“Doll—”

“No, don’t fucking ‘doll’ me. I just—just whatever,” you sigh tiredly, as you scrub your hand over your face, the fight suddenly bleeding out of your system. You’re tired of this. You don’t want to deal with this shit anymore.

“Our reservation’s at seven,” you say, “I gotta go, or I’ll be late. Bye.”

You hang up before he gets a chance to reply.

You want to hurl your phone against the wall. You want to scream and shout and tear your hair out. You want to rip this fucking dress to shreds, all because of Bucky. He’s just so — ugh.

With an exasperated harumph, you turn back to the mirror and fish a tissue out of your makeup bag, using it to dab at your eyes. You won’t cry, right now; Bucky’s not worth your tears. You finish putting on your lipstick, spritz on a little more hairspray, then pick up your purse and flick off the bedroom lights.

Bucky might not be coming on this date night, but you might as well treat yourself. God knows you deserve it.

On impulse, you pull out your phone and speed dial Wanda. Natasha’s on a business trip to Milan this week, so she won’t be able to join you, but you haven’t caught up with Wanda for a while — this might be a good way to salvage a bad situation. You’ve known Wanda since high-school, and you consider her to be one of your closest friends.

“Hello?” she answers, after a few rings.

“Hey, it’s me,” you say, “Listen, I know this is kinda random, but are you busy tonight?”

“Uh...like now? No, why?”

“You wanna go out for dinner with me?”

“Uh...Wait, like now now? Where? Why?”

“Giovanni’s, and I’ll tell you why when we get there.”

Wanda pauses as she thinks over your offer. “Yeah, why not, they’ve got good wine — lemme just text Vis and I’ll be right over, ‘kay?”

“Cool. Reservation’s for seven, under the name ‘Barnes’.”

“Okay. See you in a bit.”

—

“So, you gonna tell me what this is about?” Wanda asks, as the server clears your menus and re-fills your wine glasses. “You’re all dressed up, but I have a feeling that that’s not for me.”

“Bucky was supposed to take me out on a date,” you reply, as you take a sip of your wine.

“And? What happened?”

You shrug your shoulders indifferently. “He got caught up at work.”

Wanda leans back, folding her arms across her chest as she looks at you critically. She’s wearing a black shift dress, and has piled her long brown hair into a loose bun on top of her head. In addition to her favourite lace choker, she’s also wearing her signature dark lip and smoky eye-liner.

“I’m sensing a ‘but’ in there somewhere. You’re not telling me something,” she says, after a long pause.

You chew on your lip hesitantly as you fiddle with the edge of your napkin. “It’s nothing, just—we kinda had a fight over the phone.”

Wanda clicks her tongue sympathetically as she leans forward to rest her elbows on the table. “What was it about?”

You shake your head, unwilling to talk about the fight when it’s still so fresh in your mind. “It’s nothing, forget about it.”

Wanda arches an eyebrow, clearly displeased by the fact that you’re bottling up your emotions. “I mean...if it was actually nothing, I wouldn’t be here right now, would I? Something’s clearly up. C’mon. Spill.”

You sigh, internally admitting defeat. “Well...okay. He’s been working on this big project, and — uh...actually, it’s not just that.”

She waits patiently as you try to find the right words.

“He’s busier lately...like, a lot busier. It’s been getting worse the last few months, but it all started about a year ago, I’d say. Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy for him, and I know that he’s doing this for both of us, but—I feel like I’m not the most important thing in his life anymore.”

You huff dryly. “That seems ridiculous to say, ‘cause if you think about it, he’s working so hard because he wants to give us a good life, but...I feel like he went and did this without me, y’know? Without talking to me, I mean. Like, I don’t need a fancy house with a backyard and a garden and whatever — I just want my husband, at home, with me.”

Wanda nods sagely. “He’s doing what he thinks is best, which — fair enough, that’s great, but that’s not necessarily what you want or need from him.”

“Exactly.”

Wanda hums thoughtfully as she takes a sip of her wine. “Sounds like you guys need to have a heart-to-heart.”

“I know, but he’s never home!” you whine, “How am I supposed to talk to him if he isn’t there for me to talk to?”

Wanda sighs as she shakes her head. “I dunno, babe, I can’t help you there.”

“I know you can’t,” you sigh, “It’s okay, we just need to work things out between us.”

She nods in agreement. “So was this date night supposed to be his way of making things up to you?” she asks.

“No. Well — kinda. He was busy doing work on Sunday, and he said he’d take me out tonight, but, well. I guess that didn’t happen, huh?”

“So that’s why you had a fight?”

“Basically,” you reply. Just then, the server comes over with your food. You get one whiff of the fragrant, delicious smell and already, your stomach rumbles in anticipation.

“Well, babe,” Wanda says, as she digs into her pasta, “If you ever need a place to stay — like, if you need to be away from him for a while or whatever, you’re always welcome to use our spare room.”

You smile at her gratefully. “Thanks, Wan. I hope I won’t need to, but thank you for the offer.”

“No probs. Are we getting dessert after?”

“Sure, why not. I’m paying for this using his card anyway, let’s cash out.”

She cackles gleefully.

—

Bucky doesn’t get home until it’s half past midnight.

He’s exhausted from a day dealing with catastrophe after catastrophe, but more than that, he feels like shit for not taking you out like he’d promised. You’d sounded really upset on the phone earlier, when he told you that he couldn’t make it. Bucky’s tried calling you about half a dozen times since then, and left you several texts, but you haven’t responded to anything.

He’s not sure what kind of mood you’ll be in.

When he shoulders open the door to the apartment, Bucky is greeted by pure darkness. With a weary sigh, he toes off his shoes and turns on the lights.

His eyes are immediately drawn to the blanket and pillows piled up at the end of the sofa, clearly meant for him. You’ve been kind enough to leave him a pair of sweats and a t-shirt to change into, but there’s no note or anything else with the items.

He knows that if he were to try the door to your shared bedroom, he’d find it to be locked.

Well then. A night on the couch it is.

#sams5kdisneycelebration #bucky x reader #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes fanfic #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky x you #bucky barnes x you #bucky angst #my writing #fic: priorities

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ranwing · 5 years

Text

Kadam Fic: Learning To Fly (15/?)

Title: Learning to Fly Series: A New Direction (was Season Four Remix) Pairing(s), Characters(s): Kadam, Kurt Hummel, Adam Crawford, Burt Hummel, Rachel Berry, Santana Lopez, Carmen Tibideaux, Cassandra July, Artie Abrams, Tina Cohen-Chang, Elliot “Starchild” Gilbert, Dani, Adam’s Apples, Original Characters Rating: PG13 (rating may change) Genre(s): canon divergence. Parts: 15/?

Summary: As another school year starts at NYADA, Kurt seemed to have it all. The respect of his teachers, a group of wonderful friends and best of all, getting to live with the man that he’d come to love. So of course the universe would throw a few curve balls in his direction.

A/N - Three chapters posted today (chapters 13-15).

Chapter One, Chapter Two, Chapter Three, Chapter Four, Chapter Five, Chapter Six, Chapter Seven, Chapter Eight, Chapter Nine, Chapter Ten, Chapter Eleven, Chapter Twelve, Chapter Thirteen, Chapter Fourteen

One AO3

Madam Tibideaux entered the grand ballroom of Gotham Hall to a resounding show of applause from the guests at the gala, flanked by Professor Carmody and other members of the faculty. She smiled and nodded greetings, accepting compliments on the spectacular performance that many of their guests had the privilege to see that evening and was already mentally calculating how to translate this into leverage to be used on behalf of her school.

It might have been something of a gamble, but it appeared that things had gone exactly as she’d hoped. NYADA’s profile as one of the premier performing arts conservatories in the country has been conclusively reestablished and there was generous financial support being pledged by their major donors. Even more importantly, her students would find their profiles raised significantly and she had little doubt that at least a few of them might leave tonight with some solid employment prospects. She could not be more pleased with the outcome.

She turned to greet Thomas Paskin, the director of one of the most popular shows from current Broadway season. “Carmen… only you would be daring enough to pull off something like that,” he exclaimed, holding his arms out to her.

She smiled warmly, leaning in for a quick air kiss with an old and respected friend. “Thomas, as much as I’d like to take credit for this, I’m afraid that I have to give it to my dear colleague here. My primary contribution was having the sense to stay out of her way,” she chuckled.

The director turned to the tall woman dressed elegantly in a black evening gown and reached out to take her hand and press a dramatic kiss to her fingers. “Alexa, I have to admit that staging of production on that scale would be daunting for anyone. To do it entirely with students… remarkable,” he insisted.

“Thank you, Thomas,” she said with good grace. Now that she had successfully navigated the opening night performance, the stress of the past few months had finally eased. It showed in both her demeanor and her appearance, and she was very much in the mood the celebrate her accomplishment.

“I actually enjoyed the challenge,” Professor Carmody claimed. “They are a remarkable group of talents and I doubt that any director would ever have such an extraordinary body of ability at their disposal.”

“Well, you certainly surpassed anyone’s expectations,” he assured her, with a wide smile. “It was an exceptional night of theater.”

“Then hopefully you’ll keep this night in mind when you stage your next show,” she prodded gently. “There are quite a few of them who are going to be looking for work in the not too distant future.”

“I every intention of doing just that. There are a few that I have my eye on,” he promised. “Well, I’d best not monopolize you two all night. We’ll talk more later.”

“We’ll catch up later, Thomas,” Madam Tibideaux assured him, smiling when he raised his glass in toast to the two women.

As they strolled away, Professor Carmody looked to her friend. “Well, that’s something of a relief,” she sighed. “If he liked it…”

“I told you that you have absolutely nothing to worry about,” Madam Tibideaux assured her. “I saw how the audience was responding and you did a spectacular job.”

“The kids deserve all the credit,” the other woman insisted. “They’re the ones who rose to the challenge. I just set it up for them.”

“Don’t sell your own contribution short. This was your vision,” Madam Tibideaux reminded, accepting a glass of champagne from one of the waiters. “Go bask your accomplishment. We’ve got a room full of people just itching to congratulate you. I’ll see about shaking some additional pledges from our benefactors.”

Professor Carmody nodded before heading over to a small group to accept the accolades from some of her old theater friends, leaving her friend to do the work of ensuring NYADA’s bright future and financial stability.

* * *

“Wow… this is some place,” Finn marveled as they walked into the spectacularly decorated ballroom. Between the red carpet at the theater and now at the gala venue, he was getting a little overwhelmed. But he supposed that he’d better get used to this kind of thing because he had a strong feeling that it was something that his brother and Rachel would be experiencing quite often in the future.

Carole smiled as she walked in on her husband’s arm. “It is gorgeous,” she agreed, gazing at the ornate stained glass ceiling above them and the creative way the lighting in the room highlighted the colors. It would be easy to get star-struck in a place like this.

“This isn’t just a big party. It’s all about supporting the school,” Burt reminded. After months of navigating Washington’s social circles, he was getting more used to these sorts of gatherings even if he didn’t feel entirely at home at them. He had taken some cues from his son and figured that he’d become an actor himself in his own way. “I’m just glad that they’re going to make this about celebrating the kids as much as squeezing the wallets of their donors.”

“Speaking of the kids, where are they?” Carole asked, looking about the room.

“They’ll be here in a bit. Probably all getting ready and cleaning up from the show,” Burt guessed.

“What happened to Sue?” Finn asked, looking about. “She just kind of ran out of the theater.”

“I’m sure she’s around here somewhere,” Burt chuckled. “Why don’t we find the bar and take a look around while we wait for them?”

Finn followed in his parent’s wake, gazing about the room and feeling very out of place. There were a lot more celebrities and famous people than he’d originally expected, and he was taken aback to see several really famous television and film people that he was sure would have Rachel squealing over. He was grateful when his stepfather handed him a beer to give him something to focus on other than all the rich people in the room.

There was one woman who looked somewhat out of place amid all the designer evening gowns and tuxedos, and Finn immediately recognized the dean from Kurt’s and Rachel’s original auditions back at McKinley. Her silk turban and elegant caftan looked nearly as if it was designed to coordinate with the stained glass over their heads and the stern expression that Finn had remembered was relaxed into a calm smile. She paused periodically to chat with the guests and accepting praise from everyone she spoke with. Despite how she didn’t appear to fit in with the more conventionally attired crowd, she had total command of the room, reminding Finn that her reputation was probably a well-earned one.

Burt sipped at his beer before explaining to his wife, “That’s the dean of the school. She runs this whole show. According to Kurt, she can make or break you in a heartbeat.”

“When she came to McKinely for Kurt’s and Rachel’s audition, just mentioning her name was enough to send Rachel into a total tailspin,” Finn added, watching the woman warily.

Carole cocked her head thoughtfully. “She seems nice enough.”

Burt chuckled. “She’s like Sue in a lot of ways. A bit more cultured maybe, but just as much a shark.”

Finn saw her head turn in their direction before the woman started to approach. “She’s coming this way,” he hissed, feeling a trace of apprehension.

Burt seemed calm enough when the dean stepped up to him. “Congressman Hummel,” she greeted. “It’s such a pleasure to finally meet you.” She offered her hand, letting Burt shake it.

“Likewise. Kurt’s spoken a lot about you,” Burt answered. “This is my wife Carole and Kurt’s brother, Finn.”

Madam Tibideaux smiled genially. “It’s a pleasure to meet you all. I’m afraid that I don’t often have a chance to meet the families of my students outside of events like this. Even those who are such fine champions of the arts such as yourself.”

“Well, Kurt certainly taught me about how important they are to kids like him so if I can help make sure that schools keep art programs, that’s the least I can do,” Burt explained, wanting to give proper credit where it was due. His son had opened his eyes to a great many things that he’d been completely ignorant about. “He’s told us quite a bit about you and how much he’s been learning here.”

Madam Tibideaux’s smile seemed to grow warmer at the mention of her student. “Young Mr. Hummel is certainly a credit to our institution and we’re very glad to have him there.”

Burt nodded understandingly. “Being at NYADA means a lot to him,” he stated. “It’s very exciting for us to see him doing so well.”

“It’s exciting for us as well,” Madam Tibideaux assured him. “There’s nothing that makes me happier than to see a talented student start to discover what he’s truly capable of. And he is discovering that he’s capable of a great many things.”

“It was a remarkable show,” Carole added with a smile.

Madam Tibideaux nodded. “I’m very glad that you enjoyed it. I think your young Mr. Hummel and the others will be quite pleased when they see the reviews,” she said with a calm smile, as if she expected nothing less.

“Will they students be getting here soon?” Burt couldn’t help from asking.

“They should be here shortly,” Madam Tibideaux assured him. “I would like to have a chance to speak with you when we have a bit more time, if that’s all right. I’m quite an admirer of your work and would like to discuss how it might be possible to expand artistic education programs to reach students that don’t get access to early exposure. I think that there are a great number of children out there who would benefit from having more access to the arts than they’re currently receiving.”

Burt nodded with a quiet smile on his face. Children like his son, he thought, who missed out on the chance for the kind of training that he needed when he was young. He wondered how many kids like Kurt were out there who might never get the opportunity to fulfill their dreams because their parents didn’t understand what their child needed or because their schools didn’t think that the arts were worth funding.

He reached into his jacket for his wallet and fished out his official business card, presenting it to her. “Give me a call whenever you’d like,” he offered. “Maybe with your help, I can pry some real funds out of the next budget.”

Madam Tibideaux smiled, tucking the card into some safe place in her robe. “I certainly will,” she assured him. “It’s been a pleasure meeting all of you. Congressman Hummel, I look forward to speaking with you again.”

Burt nodded, knowing that they couldn’t monopolize her time when there were donors and benefactors to coax into opening their checkbooks. “Me too. It’s nice to meet you,” he said politely.

She smiled and moved to drift back to continue her rounds about the room and Carole breathed out a sigh of relief. “Wow… she’s rather intense,” she marveled. “I don’t know how Kurt handles being in her classes all the time.”

Burt sipped at his beer thoughtfully. “Judging just from how he performed tonight, I think that he’s doing just fine with her,” he surmised with an amused smile. Kurt always did seem to find the strangest champions and he didn’t think that Dean Tibideaux was a bad person to have supporting him.

Carole saw that the party was now starting to really get underway, with waiters walking about with trays of finger foods for the guests. “Why don’t we just enjoy ourselves until the kids get here?” she suggested.

Burt smiled and gave his wife a quick kiss. “Sounds like a plan,” he agreed before looking to his stepson. “Are you hungry?”

Finn opened his mouth to affirm that yes, of course he was but Burt cut off his answer with a rueful chuckle. “You’re always hungry,” his stepfather teased. “What was I thinking?”

“Thanks,” Finn snarked back, but unable to keep from grinning. “But if I have to stand around this fancy shindig, then I’d better be fed.”

Carole laughed and took her son’s arm. “Come on… let’s go see what they have,” she offered.

It actually wasn’t that bad, Finn considered as he munched on a miniature crab cake. He’d probably want to run out for a burger or some pizza afterwards if nothing more substantial was served, but at least he wasn’t going to totally starve to death. And he was glad that he could keep his mother company because it seemed like quite a few people knew who Burt was and wanted to talk to him.

Burt was currently talking to the mayor over school arts programs and the two of them seemed to get getting along well enough. Carole had exchanged a few words with the mayor’s wife but was happy to let Burt take the lead and stick to her role as supportive political spouse. Before too long, the head of a major charity stepped over to chat with his stepfather. It seemed like once Burt was recognized, a lot of people wanted to stop by to talk to him.

His mother just nodded tolerantly, having gotten used to this in Washington. “Why don’t we take a look around?” she suggested. “I can use another glass of wine.”

“Sure,” Finn agreed, offering his mother his arm.

She smiled brightly. “Such a gentleman,” she teased gently. “I apparently did raise you right after all.”

“Let’s also see if any of the waiters have some more of those little crab cakes,” Finn proposed.

“Ah yes… we mustn’t let you go hungry for more than fifteen minutes,” Carole laughed as they walked over to the bar where she ordered a second glass of chardonnay. There was plenty to enjoy until the students arrives for the party. There were lots of famous people to see and a wonderful band to listen to. Maybe she might be able to drag Burt out onto the dance floor later on without too much argument.

About a half our later, the band stopped playing and Madam Tibideaux took a spot behind a waiting microphone. The conversations filling the room slowly died as the guests turned their attention to her.

“Good evening guests, friends and supporters of the New York Academy of Dramatic Arts,” she greeted the attendees graciously. “Tonight we have gathered here to celebrate the wonderful legacy of our school that has produced some of the finest talents currently working in theater, film and television. Many award-winning actors, singers, directors and industry technicians got their starts at NYADA. But as proud as I am of our past accomplishments, I am even more proud of the potential in our current and future students and I thank you all for your continued support for our institution.”

The attendees of the gala applauded and she smiled and nodded in thanks to them. When the applause died down, she continued.

“Tonight though, is about more than just celebrating NYADA as a school. After all, a school is nothing more than a building without the talented and dedicated students that put their hearts and souls into developing their craft. Whether they are actors, singers, dancers, directors or costumers, they strive to be the very best in their fields. Tonight, you had the opportunity to see that passion and dedication in action. Ladies and gentlemen… I present to you the cast of NYADA’s production of Les Miserables.”

Finn’s mouth dropped into smile of astonishment as music from the show began to fill the room and a young woman dressed in a lovely pale peacock green dress stepped out from the crowd. It was only when she began to sing that he recognized her as the actress who had played Fantine.

“He slept a summer by my side,” her voice rang out purely as she sang a section of her featured song. “He filled by days with endless wonder… He took my childhood in his stride, but he was gone when autumn came.”

Her smile was dazzling as she threw her voice into the brief performance, giving her best for the few moments when the entire room had its attention focused on her. “And still I dream he’ll come to me… that we’ll live the years together. But there are dreams that cannot be, and there are storms we cannot weather.

“I had a dream that life would be, so much different from this hell I’m living,” she sang gently, offering a reminder of the pain that her character had endured. “So different now from what it seemed. Now life has killed the dream I dreamed.”

The gala attendees applauded and cheered her performance and she smiled and gave a brief curtsey before stepping back and vanishing into the crowd. A different piece of music began to play and more figures began to step out from the assembly.

“One day more…” A young man with dark blond hair and a bright smile that belied his character’s tragic and somber disposition emerged, dressed in a conservative black tuxedo. He looked nothing like Jean Vanljean, but the voice was unmistakable. “Another day, another destiny… This never ending road to Calvary. These men who seem to know my crime will surely come a second time! One day more…”

Another man that Finn immediately recognized as having played Marius stepped forward and joined the other, at the center of the ballroom. “I did not live until today,” he sang sweetly, his gentle tenor rising through the room. “Who can I live when we are parted?”

“One day more,” the singer who’d played Jean Valjean sang as a young women with dark brown hair and dressed in a pale blue gown stepped up to his side.

“Tomorrow you’ll be worlds away,” she dueted with the Marius player. “And yet with you, my world has started…”

Another young woman joined them, the rags of Eponine exchanged for an elegant evening gown and gentle smile on her delicate features. “One more day all on my own,” she sang while the actors playing the lovers continued their romantic duet.

“Will we ever meet again?” they asked, while the other actress stepped forward.

“One more day without him caring,” she answered with a subtle touch of sadness that suited the song.

“I was born to be with you!”

“What a life I might have known…”

The actors playing lovers gazed at one another from across the room with soft smiles. “And I swear I will be true!”

“But he never saw me there!” the other actress lamented, her voice ringing out as Kurt strode forward, his chest thrust out and chin raised high.

“One more day before the storm!” he sang, his voice soaring operatically as the boy playing Marius fell into counterpoint with him and drawing a contrast between their motivations.

“Do I follow where she goes?” he asked.

“At the barricades of freedom!” Kurt commanded, clearly trying to keep from smiling too broadly. There was no need for him to stay in character, but he managed to keep from looking too pleased with himself. Not that Finn would have blamed him in the least, but he admired his brother’s control.

“Shall I join by brothers there?” the other young man pondered.

Kurt stepped to the center of the ballroom, and Finn grinned widely at seeing his brother all but dominating focus. “When our ranks begin to form,” Kurt belted, turning a happy smile to the other singers.

“Do I stay or do I dare?” Marius’s player questioned, and Kurt gave a resounding answer.

“Will you take your place with me?” he demanded, and the rest of the company rushed forward to fall in behind Kurt. Finn saw all of them there; Rachel and all of Kurt’s friends dressed in formal wear and looking like they couldn’t be happier than to be there at that moment.

“The time is now,” the entire company sang in unison as their audience applauded. “The place is here!”

“One day more!” the handsome blond man belted out, his tenor voice ringing out through the room as the man that Finn immediately recognized as having played Javert stepped out.

“One more day till revolution. We will nip it in the bud!” he proclaimed. “I will join these little schoolboys. They will wet themselves with blood!”

The chorus, lead by Kurt continued to sing their proclamations of revolution, and Finn looked up to see Burt grinning widely at the sight of his son dressed like some kind of movie star at the head of the group. “One day to a new beginning,” they proclaimed passionately. “Raise the flag of freedom high!”

“Every man will be a king,” the men sang, with the women repeating the line in counterpoint and creating a beautiful effect.

“One day more!” the blond lead belted out, stepping closer to the main group of actors, smiling down at the actress who’d played his daughter.

Another pair of actors stepped out and it wasn’t until they opened their mouths to sing that Finn recognized that they had played the Thénardiers. Instead of looking like the unsavory criminals, they were well turned out in their formal wear and bore mischievous smiles as they expressed their own characters outlook on the brewing battle.

“Watch’em run amuck,” they sang mockingly, casting conspiratorial glances at one another. “Catch’em when they fall! Never know your luck when there’s a free for all. Here a little pinch, there a little touch. Most of them are goners so they won’t miss much!”

The main chorus continued their song of battle, filling in the layers of song that dominated the room. “There’s a new world for the winning,” they asserted, the actress who played Fantine joining them. “There’s a new world to be won! Do you hear the people sing?”

The man playing Marius joined Kurt and placed his hand on Kurt’s well-dressed shoulder. “My place is here! I fight with you!” he declared with a wide smile and the cast burst out in a loud cheer.

The entire cast was now in full voice, filling in multiple layers of sound that left Finn breathless. The sound continued to rise and build until it reached its climax with the show’s lead actor declaring “Tomorrow is the judgement day!”

The entire cast stood together, singing with passion and expertise that would leave even the most jaded audience dazzled. Finn laughed when he saw that someone from the cast bringing out the red flag of the revolutionaries and wave it over the heads of his castmates.

“Tomorrow we’ll discover what our God in Heaven has in store!” they sang together, the cast united as one. “One more dawn! One more day!

“One day more!”

* * *

The gala guests applauded loudly and cheered the students, who bowed and accepted the ovation of their audience. After the students embraced one another, celebrating their performance before starting to disperse so they could enjoy the party. The cast had already suspected that the reason for this little performance was to let all the producers and industry VIPs at the gala have a chance to see the performers as individuals and apart from the characters that they’d played. It would be a lot easier to approach an actor now that they’ve been seen out of costume.

Not to mention that it was a nice reminder that, yes, they all were really that good. The opportunity to rub shoulders with so many influential people was a rare opportunity that they didn’t want to squander, and several moved to make sure that they remained where they could be seen and approached.

Kurt looked to Rachel and took her hand. “Let’s go find my family,” he proposed. “Finn’s probably jumping out of his skin by now.”

“God, I need a drink!” Rachel exclaimed, her eyes shimmering happily. They might be mentally and physically exhausted, but now they could really celebrate what they’ve done.

“Me too,” he said agreeably. “But let’s find my dad first.”

She smiled and nodded, letting him lead her through the crowd. There would be enough time to play “spot the celebrity” later, she told herself.

“I think… there they are,” Kurt said happily, beelining over to where his family was waiting. “Dad!”

Burt grinned and held his arms out. “Hey, sport! Come here!”

Kurt threw himself into his father’s embrace, feeling a monumental sense of relief. He felt like, finally, he could relax a little bit. He was passed to Finn, who left off greeting Rachel to give Kurt another solid hug and then to Carole. Once the round of hugs and kisses had been completed, he pulled Rachel to his side and couldn’t resist asking, “So… what did you think?”

“It was a fantastic show,” Finn assured him, hugging them both again. “You both were amazing.”

Carole nodded in agreement. “I can’t remember enjoying a show quite as much,” she insisted. “Kurt, you were absolutely fantastic up there.”

“Thanks,” he said, blushing a bit.

“And Rachel… I don’t know how you managed to do all that,” Carole stated admiringly. “You were all over the place.”

“I know,” Rachel laughed brightly. “We were joking that the ensemble should have been fitted out with roller skates.”

“Which would have been an entirely different show,” Kurt teased, earning a jab in the ribs from his friend.

“You still have it in for ‘Starlight Express’,” she complained playfully, swatting his arm.

“It’s still awful!” Kurt insisted, laughing. He ran a hand through his hair to smooth it back into place before accepting a glass of champagne from a waiter. “I just can’t believe that we survived this,” he claimed, taking a sip.

“Well, we only have to do it ten more times,” Rachel reminded him.

“Has Adam called you yet?” Finn asked.

“I’m expecting a call any minute,” Kurt confirmed. “So if you see me ducking out of here, you’ll know why. He’s probably just finishing up for the night about now.”

“Kurt!”

He turned around just in time to avoid being surprise tackled by a petite figure dressed in a cloud of tulle. “Isabelle!” he exclaimed happily, embracing his boss and lifting her off her Louboutin heels. He looked over her shoulder at the well-dressed, grinning man behind her and released his boss so Chase could pull him into an enthusiastic hug.

“Hey, superstar,” the older man greeted happily, patting Kurt on the back. “That was some show.”

“You were totally wonderful, which we knew that you would be,” Isabelle trilled, positively bouncing excitedly in her towering heels and making a few onlookers a bit concerned for her safety. She then realized that she and Chase was pulling Kurt away from his family.

“Oh my God… I’m being totally rude here,” she exclaimed, releasing Kurt from her grasp. “We were just so excited to see Kurt tonight. He was so fabulous that I just couldn’t contain myself!”

“That’s okay,” Burt laughed indulgently. He wrapped his arm about his wife to pull her close. “We think a lot of him too.”

Kurt quickly stepped in to make introductions. “Dad, this is Isabelle, my boss at Vogue.”

“It’s such a pleasure to meet you,” she insisted, shaking Burt’s offered hand. “Kurt’s told me so much about you and I’ve been so looking forward to meeting Kurt’s family. We absolutely adore him at the office.”

Kurt smiled and let Chase rest an arm about his shoulders to keep him close. “And this is my fashion fairy godfather, Chase. He’s the Artistic Director in our office and responsible for my spectacular suit tonight.”

Chase smiled down at the younger man. “It’s fun having you around to be my personal Ken doll.”

“It’ so lovely to meet all of you,” Carole said, nodding a greeting to the couple.

“This is my brother, Finn,” Kurt introduced, and Isabelle’s eyes widened almost comically.

“Wow… you are tall,” she said in astonishment. “Kurt mentioned how tall you were, but he didn’t say anything about how handsome his brother was.” She threw a playfully admonishing look at her employee.

“You can’t have him,” Kurt informed her bluntly. “He lives in Texas and has a band there.”

“Oh poo… you’re no fun anymore,” she pouted playfully.

Isabelle then turned to Rachel and held out her arms to embrace the younger woman. “Rachel, you look so lovely, honey,” she praised. “Kurt was right… the Marchesa gown was absolutely perfect for you.”

Rachel couldn’t help from smoothing down her skirt. “It was so kind of you to let Kurt dress us,” she said sincerely. “We could never have managed to find anything nice enough on our own.”

“Oh, it was my pleasure,” Isabelle insisted. “After all, I do owe you for taking me in that Thanksgiving. That was the most amazing kiki ever!”

Burt smiled indulgently at his son. “Sounds like your life in New York is pretty interesting,” he mused in amusement.

Kurt chuckled as he accepted a little pastry filled with goat cheese and honey from one of the passing waiters. “It can be eventful,” he admitted with a grin before biting into his treat.

“Well, it’s about to get a bit more interesting,” his father informed him, nodding his head in the direction behind Kurt. “There’s someone who’s waiting to see you.”

“Dad, believe me, they only are going to be interested in the leads,” he insisted, swallowing the pastry. He’d have to think about making them for his next party.

Burt nudged Kurt to turn around. “I think that this one only wants to see you,” he stated with a smile.

Kurt sighed and turned to see who his father was talking about and felt his jaw drop open in surprise. He felt himself stepping forward, his eyes fixed on the tall women who seemed a bit apprehensive about approaching him herself. He stopped a bare foot outside of what he knew her personal space preferences were and offered a smile.

“I knew that you planned on coming to see the show, but I wasn’t expecting it to be opening night,” he said softly.

Sue looked down at her protégé. “Did you think that I wouldn’t? After finding out from your dean just what role you were playing, would you really believe that I would skip it? “

He couldn’t help from laughing a little at her retort. “I should have guessed that you would have found out. I was kind of hoping to surprise you.”

Sue smiled indulgently. “As if you could ever surprise me, Porcelain,” she teased. “I’d think you would have learned that by now. You know that I have very high expectations for you.”

Kurt nodded, knowing too well that trying to fool his former coach was an exercise in futility. “Did you enjoy the show?” he asked carefully, knowing that if anyone would give him an unvarnished opinion, Sue would.

She pursed her lip thoughtfully. “The show itself was… adequate,” she granted, as if saying anything positive was like pulling teeth.

Kurt felt himself relax marginally.

“Most of it was what I expected,” she granted. “But you…”

He looked up expectantly, his eyes betraying a hint of wariness. She never held back in her criticisms, no matter how minor.

The tall woman inhaled sharply, looking up at the ceiling as if her gather her thoughts. When she finally looked back at Kurt, there was a suspicious shimmer in her eyes.

“You were extraordinary,” she said softly. “I tried not to build up my expectations because I cannot count the number of times I’ve been disappointed. But you’ve never disappointed me.”

Sue bent slightly so that Kurt was able to look her in the eye. “Anything I could have possibly have hoped to see from you tonight… You surpassed all of that and I couldn’t be more proud of you.”

Before she could withdraw back to their usual boundaries, she was taken completely by surprise by Kurt all but flinging himself at her and wrapping his arms about her. She froze for a second, but quickly relaxed and returned the gesture and pulled his close. She closed her eyes and pressed her cheek to the top of his head, savoring that he was succeeding when so many had been determined to stand in his way.

“I’m so glad that you were here tonight,” he stated, turning his eyes up to look at his old mentor.

She smiled into his hair. “So am I, Porcelain” she admitted.

With a bit more reluctance than either of them wanted to admit to, they released one another and Kurt held out his hand. “Come on,” he invited. ‘We’re all celebrating over there and it doesn’t feel right not having you there.”

“Are you sure?” Sue asked, arching an eyebrow wryly.

Kurt grinned, squaring his shoulders. “You’re with me,” he insisted, pulling her behind him.

Burt gave Sue a welcoming smile as the tall woman approached. “I was wondering where you were hiding,” he chuckled.

Before Sue could respond, a muffled rendition of “I’ll Cover You” emitted from Kurt’s pocket and he fished out his cell phone. “Ah, it’s Adam,” he proclaimed happily. He turned a wide grin to his family. “If you’ll excuse me for a little bit…”

“Tell him that we all say ‘hi’,” Burt insisted. “We’ll behave until you get back.”

Kurt brought the phone to his ear as he hurried to find a quiet place to talk. “Hi sweetie!” he greeted happily. “Did you have a good show tonight?”

“I’m the one that should be asking that,” Adam claimed, laughing warmly over the connection. “How did it go?”

Kurt found an alcove by the bathroom and ducked in, hoping that no one would bother him for the next few minutes. “I think it went well,” he stated. “But I haven’t had a chance to see if any of the reviews are out yet.”

“Well, I did,” Adam teased. “I checked as soon as I got off stage and I think that you all will be very happy. Make sure that you check the review for the Times.”

“I will,” Kurt assured him. He leaned against the wall behind him, closing his eyes so he could picture Adam’s face while they talked. “It just feels surreal now that we’ve had our official opening. Not quite anticlimactic, but just strange.”

“I know how that feels,” Adam admitted. “You work so hard for so long and when it all pays off…. You just expect more out of the moment.”

“I’m just being silly,” Kurt sighed. He didn’t need his own silly brain ping ponging him with emotions like this. Not when he knew that he did a good job.

“No, you’re not,” Adam assured him tolerantly, and Kurt could almost hear the smile in your voice. “I know how much work you put into that show and it’s not strange to feel a little let down in some ways. You’ll definitely feel it after the last show, so make sure that you go out and celebrate. That helps keep your spirits up.”

“Definitely,” Kurt promised.

“I don’t want to keep you from what must be a smashing party, so I’m going to let you go for now,” Adam proposed gently. “But I am so proud of you, darling.”

“Thanks. Can I give you a call when I get back to the dorms? It might be late,” Kurt warned.

“I’ll be very cross if you don’t,” Adam teased.

Kurt smiled, “Love you.”

“I love you too, sweetheart. Go have a good time and make sure you have a glass of wine for me,” Adam urged. “We’ll talk more later.”

“Bye,” Kurt said, smiling as he ended the call. Talking with Adam always helped him put things into perspective and he was glad to know that his unsettled feelings were perfectly normal. The past few months have been an emotional rollercoaster for him and the ride hadn’t come to a complete stop yet.

When he returned to the party, Rachel was waiting for him with Finn and their friends and looked absolutely ecstatic about something. “Kurt! You won’t believe this!” she exclaimed, clapping her hands happily.

“What’s going on,” he asked, eyeing them curiously. They all looked uncommonly delighted over something.

Jamie clapped Kurt on the shoulder and pulled him into their little circle. “We were looking over the reviews,” he explained, waving his phone.

Kurt nodded, now understanding. “Yeah, Adam said that they were out and pretty good.”

“’Pretty good’ is an understatement,” Katya confirmed happily. She took up her own phone and read, “According to the Post, if people haven’t already gotten their tickets that they’re going to miss out on one of the best theater events of the year.”

“Wow,” Kurt marveled with a grin. “That’s going to make Professor Carmody happy.”

“Well, it gets better,” Analisa claimed with a delighted grin. “The review for the New York Times is up, and I’m quoting here… ‘not enough can be said about the cast of students, which to an individual would be standouts on any professional stage’.”

Rachel nodded enthusiastically. “Keep reading,” she urged, nudging Analisa playfully. “Get to the best part.”

Analisa giggled, her eyes shining. “It goes on about all of the leads… yadda yadda… ah! Here it was,” she exclaimed. “’Two remarkable actors created an intriguing juxtaposition between the romantic Marius, played by Brett Sosa, and the fierce Enjolras, played by Kurt Hummel!’”

Rachel laughed excitedly, jumping up and shaking Kurt. “You got named in the Times!” she chortled, hugging him tightly while he tried to absorb what he’d just heard.

“That can’t be right,” Kurt said disbelievingly.

“Oh, it is,” Jamie confirmed, taking a sip of his wine. “You, my friend, are now a known theater actor. Congratulations!” He raised his glass in toast.

Rachel leaned in to kiss Kurt soundly on the cheek. “And it couldn’t happen to a better person,” she insisted. She reached up to wipe a tear from her cheek. “Oh God! I’m so happy for you!”

“Totally agree, Kurt,” Finn stated. “You were amazing tonight.”

Kurt read the review himself, trying to absorb what he was seeing. He looked up to where his parents were waiting with Sue, the three of them watching him with amused smiles.

“Can you believe this?” he asked, shrugging in confusion.

Burt didn’t nod but looked uncommonly proud and kept his arm around his beaming wife. Sue looked to her former protégé with a knowing gleam in her eyes.

“I’d be very put out if you weren’t getting the credit that you so obviously deserve,” she proclaimed. “And given that I have the phone number for the editor-in-chief, it’s a good thing that their cretic had the good sense to make proper note of your worth.”

Rachel draped her arms about Kurt’s shoulders, all but leaning over his back. He laughed and playfully swung her around. Surrounded by his friends and family, he could almost believe that this was real. That he had somehow made a debut on a New York City stage that mattered and was noticed and might really mean something.

He’d spend some time to try to make sense of this later, when he had a chance to talk things over with Adam and his friends and put everything that was happening into their proper perspective. For now, he decided that it would be better to focus on celebrating their shared accomplishments than dwelling on his individual one.

* * *

“That’s him?” the woman at Carmen Tibideaux’s side questioned dubiously.

Hearing the doubt in the voice of one of NYADA’s most dedicated donors brought a slight smile to the Dean’s face. She had a feeling that she’d be hearing that quite often and would savor the satisfaction of seeing those reservations silenced.

“Yes,” she assured the other woman. “That is him.”

“Huh…”

It took a great deal of Madam Tibideaux’s carefully honed control not to chuckle at the dubious tone in the other woman’s voice. But her opinion on her donor’s short-sightedness was not what mattered here. She was asked to make an introduction to the student who had caught the woman’s eye during the performance, as she had with other students throughout the evening. Normally, she’d be leery about setting this particular sponsor on one of her students, but she had a feeling that this introduction would go smoothly. There weren’t many who could handle this woman’s peculiarities, but this one…

She plastered a warm smile on her face as she approached so she wouldn’t unduly alarm her student. “Mr. Hummel? Do you have a moment?” she asked politely.

Kurt had been sitting with his family and friends, laughing at stories recounting the mishaps of their rehearsals and looking quite happy and relaxed. She supposed that the glass of wine in his hand helped with the relaxing and she could hardly begrudge him that small comfort. It was a rare occurrence to observe any of her students so at ease.

He looked up at her, blue eyes wide with curiosity about the woman standing at his teacher’s side and having his time with his family interrupted. But he politely rose to his feet to greet them with the manners that he had always displayed. “Of course, Madam,” he said.

She smiled reassuringly and gestured at the woman standing just behind her. “I’d like you to meet June Dolloway,” she introduced. “She’s one of NYADA’s proudest sponsors and she was quite eager to meet you.”

Kurt blinked in surprise but quickly rallied and turned his attention to the other woman, dressed in the gown and jewels of a high society matron. She was older than his teacher and the red hair she boasted clearly was not the result of nature. While she probably never was a classical beauty, even in her youth, her sharp features retained a vulpine element that would have been quite intriguing when she was younger. She held out a slender hand to him, her blue eyes clearly sizing him up and waiting for a response.

He gently grasped her hand and shook it warmly. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Ms. Dolloway,” he greeted.

Now that her task was done, Madam Tibideaux turned to Ms. Dolloway. “I’ll leave you both to talk now,” she stated. “We’ll catch up a bit more later, June.”

“Of course, Carmen,” Ms. Dolloway answered, not taking her eyes off the young man before her. “I’m sure that Mr. Hummel and I will have quite a bit to talk about.”

Once the dean had stepped away, Kurt made quick introductions between Ms. Dolloway and his family in order to maintain and air of proper courtesy before offering the older woman a seat. “What can I do for you?” he asked inquiringly.

She smiled in a manner that reminded him somewhat of Santana, in the way that it didn’t completely reach her eyes and seemed more about challenge than anything else. “Well, that remains to be seen,” she said. “I was rather intrigued when I saw your performance tonight. It was… quite remarkable.”

“Thank you,” he answered sincerely. “I’m glad that you enjoyed it. Please, have a seat.”

“I was very surprised when Carmen told me that you were originally cast as an understudy,” Ms. Dolloway jabbed as she settled into the offered chair. Her sharp gazed was fixed firmly on Kurt, apparently looking to see if her point about him not being originally cast in the role would cause insult.

Kurt just smiled graciously. “I was,” he admitted without any trace of embarrassment. “Given that I am only a sophomore and all of the principles were seniors and juniors, I knew that I was being given a very special opportunity. I certainly didn’t expect to have to take over the role, but I hope that I did it proper justice.”

Ms. Dolloway nodded, pursing her thin lips thoughtfully at the lack of any display of ego. “Well enough that I wouldn’t have thought you would be so young,” she admitted. “Admittedly, seeing you out of character is a little bit jarring. You don’t strike me as the type to be able to pass so adeptly.”

Kurt blinked a bit at surprise at her choice of words, recognizing them for what they were. He didn’t have any illusions that people wouldn’t immediately peg him as being gay, but to have her so bluntly state it…He couldn’t help from wondering if he would ever get to a point where he wouldn’t be judged so quickly.

Behind him, he could all but feel Sue Sylvester bristling at the thinly veiled insult that this interloper just paid him and she seemed ready to jump to his defense. In order to avoid having his school embarrassed by having one of their chief donors laid out flat, he made a quick and subtle motion for her to leave it to him. He’d been hearing things like this all his life and dealing with them. He could handle this.

Forcing a calm smile to his face, he retorted, “Well, I suppose that it shows the quality of my acting abilities. After all, the whole point is to make the audience believe that I am whatever a role needs me to be. Correct?”

Ms. Dolloway allowed a reluctant smile to touch her features, and Kurt couldn’t help from feeling that he had passed some kind of test.

“Apparently you are a bit tougher than you appear,” she granted reluctantly.

Kurt couldn’t help from glancing over to Sue and giving her a fond smile. “I learned from the best,” he claimed, enjoying the fond gleam in her eyes.

Ms. Dolloway cocked her head, studying Kurt appraisingly. “I’ve always enjoyed the theater,” she explained. “Finding new talent has always been exciting. Being the first to really discover a performer is like catnip to me.”

Kurt nodded, showing that he was paying attention while wondering where she was going with this. Society doyennes like this were always a challenge to deal because they were so accustomed to being deferred to. As annoying as catering to her whims might be, getting her favor could lead to opportunities for himself and his friends.

She looked at him frankly. “You are an interesting prospect,” she stated. “On the surface, I don’t know if I would say that there was something particularly special about you, but there’s clearly a lot more to you. Being able to carry a role like this tells me that you’ve got a lot more to you than just a pretty face.

“I’m planning a showcase of new talent,” she informed him. “Singers from several of New York’s theater programs and you would make an interesting addition. I’m curious to see what the response to you would be.”

Knowing that this was as much of a compliment as he would likely get from the prickly sponsor, he just nodded. “If you could let me know the details, I’ll see if I can manage to fit it in,” he said carefully. While the offer was intriguing, he really did have a lot on his plate over the next few months. He had an audition for the Shakespeare festival shortly after their show closed and he did need to get through the rest of the semester.

Besides, it didn’t hurt not to appear too eager. Playing hard to get seemed to be the best course of action.

She seemed surprised that he wasn’t jumping at the opportunity presented to him and arched a thin eyebrow curiously. “I’ll let Carmen know the details. Hopefully you’ll be able to participate.”

“I’ll certainly try,” he granted, rising to his feet to see her off. “It was a pleasure meeting you.”

She accepted his offered hand and shook it. “You’re an interesting young man, Kurt Hummel. I’m going to be keeping my eye on you.,” she warned.

Rachel came up to him as the older woman walked away and placed a hand comfortingly on his arm. “That was… interesting,” she said appraisingly, giving her friend a reissuing smile. “Are you going to take her up on her offer?”

“Maybe,” he answered, considering the option. “It sounds like it might open a few doors but I’m wondering of dealing with her might be more headache than it’s worth. I’m not sure I’d want to be beholden to her.”

“I think you might be right,” Rachel agreed. “Still, I wouldn’t rule it out completely.”

“I won’t,” he assured her. “Maybe I can steer her in your direction. You mind taking her off my hands?”

Rachel smiled and shook her head. “She wasn’t at all interested in me,” she stated plainly. “But that’s okay. You deserve all the attention that you’re getting tonight.”

Kurt couldn’t help from marveling at the sincerity in Rachel’s voice. The girl who had been so jealous of any attention paid to someone other than her was truly long gone. In her place was a charming, mature young woman who supported her friend and wasn’t interested in trying to draw focus to herself. He was so proud of the person that she’d become and couldn’t resist pulling her into his arms for a quick kiss to her cheek.

Before they could rejoin their friends, a portly man about his father’s age with a ruddy complexion and wide grin hurried over. “Finally!” he exclaimed in exasperation. “I thought that harpy would never leave!”

He held out his broad hand to Kurt. “You’ll please pardon my presumptiveness and not waiting for a formal introduction, but I’ve been hoping to catch you tonight Mr. Hummel. I’m Nicholas Bowden.”

“Oh!” Kurt immediately recognized the name of the now famous director. “You won the Tony last year.”

The man nodded, puffing up a bit proudly. “After twenty five years in the business, it seems like my work is finally getting some notice.”

“It’s a pleasure to meet you,” Kurt said cheerfully. The motioned towards Rachel. “This is my friend, Rachel Berry. She was in the ensemble tonight.”

“A pleasure, young lady,” he said graciously, taking Rachel’s hand and pressing a quick kiss to her fingers. “You all were truly remarkable tonight.”

“Thank you so much,” Rachel answered cheerfully. Knowing that this was Kurt’s moment, she kissed him on the cheek again. “I’m going to get another glass of wine. White for you?”

“Please… thank you,” he said gratefully. Once Rachel had stepped back, he turned his attention fully to the directors. “I’m quite a fan of your work,” he admitted. “I thought that you should have won years ago for your revival of ‘The Pajama Game’.”

“That’s very kind of you, Kurt. Do you mind if I call you that?” Mr. Bowden asked.

“Of course!”

The older man smiled broadly. “I just wanted to take a moment to compliment you on your performance tonight. Absolutely spectacular work.”

Coming from a man of Mr. Bowden’s stature, that was high praise indeed. “Thank you so much,” Kurt said sincerely. “That means a lot to me.”

“You know, I asked Carmen about you. She said that you’re one of her most promising students,” Mr. Bowden advised. “Coming form someone as hard to impress as her… you’re doing something right.”

Kurt could feel the heat warming his cheeks. He wasn’t at the point where hearing that he was well thought of by Madam Tibideaux wouldn’t affect him and he doubted that he ever would.

“She told me that you’re still a sophomore,” Mr. Bowden prodded.

Kurt nodded. “I actually started in the spring semester last year.”

“Then what you’ve accomplished so far is even more impressive. It makes me feel a little guilty about approaching you,” Mr. Bowden admitted.

He looked at Kurt frankly, measuring the younger man up. “Carmen really hates it when her students get poached before she thinks they’re ready, but I did want to talk to you about your future career plans. Because I know of several shows currently in the work that you might be well suited for.”

Kurt inhaled sharply, not really having expected such a direct offer. “To be honest,” he began before pausing, taking a moment to consider his words carefully.

“As much as I would love to just jump into serious work, I know that I’m really not ready,” he admitted. “I have another two years of school left, and to be honest, I know that I really need it. I’m sorry, but..”

“Kurt, that’s quite all right,” Mr. Bowden assured him with a smile. “If anything, this impresses me even more. It takes a great deal of maturity to make that kind of choice. And I know that you’ll continue to grow at NYADA.”

The director reached into his wallet for a business card and pressed it into Kurt’s hand. “I’d like you to promise me that the minute after you graduate that you’ll call my office,” he insisted. “I’m not going to risk someone else snatching you up before I get a shot at casting you.”

Kurt felt nearly overwhelmed by the offer, taken aback by the offer. After being worried for so long about measuring up, he was finding a bit of a challenge to really appreciate that so many seasoned professionals were interested in him.

Realizing that his dreams of a stage career weren’t so outlandish was almost a shocking revelation. He didn’t have Rachel’s confidence in her preordained destiny so understanding that his aspirations weren’t hopeless musings was going to take a bit of work to wrap his mind around.

Proud that he was able to pocket the card and shake the other man’s hand without trembling. “I definitely will,” he promised. “Thank you so much.”

Mr. Bowden smiled and patted Kurt on the shoulder. “I’m looking forward to hearing from you, Kurt,” he insisted. “Keep up with your studies, because I’m expecting great things. We’ll keep in touch.”

“Definitely,” Kurt assured him. “And thank you much.”

“My pleasure, young man. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’d best go reassure Carmen that I’m not going to drag you out of school before she pronounces you ready.” He shook Kurt’s hand again before returning to the main group of party guests.

Kurt exhaled deeply, trying to absorb that a Tony winning director expressed even the slightest interest in him. “Holy shit,” he breathed, before turning to see the knowing, amused smiles of his friends and family. Rachel handed him a glass of wine that he very much needed.

“Come on, superstar,” she urged with a teasing glint in her eyes. “We have party to get back to.”

Kurt nodded, letting her loop her arm through his and pull him back to where his family was waiting for him. There would be plenty of time to worry about the future, he told himself. Right now, he wanted to enjoy what he and his friends had managed to pull off.

A few hours later found him deposited back in his dorm room, feeling very loose and relaxed from one too many glasses of wine. His gorgeous tux was neatly put away, because no matter how drunk he was, there was no way he’d abuse a garment that spectacular, and he lay curled up in bed with his phone. Regaling to his lover with all the details of the amazing night he’d had helped him start to grasp that this wasn’t just any performance. It still felt a little-dream like and he wondered how long it would take before it finally sunk it just how real it was.

#kadam fic #learning to fly #kurt hummel #adam crawford #rachel berry #burt hummel #finn hudson #carole hudson #sue sylvester #carmen tibideaux #nyada students #original characters #not blaine or klaine friendly

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