#his plan is literally to stay inside and read and then REREAD and i truly relate | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

hpimaginesandblurbs · 4 years

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hey, sweetie! I came across your account and found your stories are utterly amazing! I can't get enough re-reading all over again; it's very very great! I was hoping if I could make a req? If only you don't mind!

Can you do the marauders (yes, prongs moony and padfoot) smut where they accidentally use degrading kink but the reader is hurt and she ended up crying because it makes her very insecure because she's nothing but just a fuck toy? I don't hate the idea of such kink but I'm not fond of being degraded even though it doesn't mean any harm. maybe they will praise her and cuddle until she's completely calm down. i really like fluff ending❤ thanks!

pairing(s): james potter x remus lupin x sirius black x reader (foursome)

warning(s): 18+, foursome, double penetration, oral (male receiving), anal, degradation, praise, lots of cum, cute cuddles

word count: 1.9k

a/n: oh my god. when i got this request i literally had to pause and reread it so many times because it sent me spiraling. too good. thank you for this because i know exactly what i’ll be daydreaming about for the next week! i’m the same way about degradation (i don’t want it unless i’m really in the mood) so i can totally relate. i just hope i did it justice. enjoy!

“C’mon, puppy, sit right here like a good girl,” Sirius instructed, giving a pointed nod to his erect cock. He was lounging back on his bed, one hand propped behind his head, his raven hair wrapped up in a messy bun. He looked like a Greek God and he didn’t even have to try.

You made your way up the bed, straddling his waist and hovering your core above him. You were already dripping wet with the anticipation of what these boys were about to do to you. You weren’t sure how it escalated to this point, but here you were.

You were hovered above Sirius’ cock, Remus making his way up the bed behind you, and James was off to the side, stroking his cock and content with waiting until you were ready to take it. The night you four had planned was triple penetration to the ultimate proportions.

You sunk down onto Sirius’ cock, feeling him stretch you and fill you so beautifully as he always did. All of their cocks were amazing, but Sirius’ was the perfect amount of thickness that you needed.

“Fuck, you never stop being tight no matter how much we stretch you. Just the perfect little hole for us,” Sirius said roughly, his large hands coming to grip your hips and grind you down onto him, getting you settled on his cock.

Remus was the next one with his hands on you, pushing you forward onto Sirius’ chest until you were completely exposed to him. He could see the spot where Sirius was entering your body, stretching you out completely, and he could see exactly where his own cock would be going - right into your tightest hole, already being stretched with a plug.

He worked it out gently, all three of them listening to you whimper into Sirius’ neck as he pushed and pulled, teasing you, until he finally removed it.

“That’s a good girl. Stay just like that and quiet to be our little toy,” James commented, reaching over to brush some hair out of your face. You keened at the attention, but his choice of words made you flush red with embarrassment. You knew logically you were more than just a hole or a toy for them, but hearing it made you question what their intentions were nonetheless.

Next thing you knew, you could feel Remus’ cock at your entrance, slowly pushing in. It wasn’t as bad as you had expected, the boys had prepped you well, but the additional stretch and sting made you wince lightly despite your moan.

Remus roughly grabbed your arms and pulled you back so your back hit his chest harshly as he bottomed out inside of you. You were now successfully taking both of their cocks which made your head spin with arousal, but his words sent you spiralling.

“Oh don’t act like you’re in pain. That won’t work with us. We know you're just a filthy slut so you’ll take it like one,” Remus said, beginning to slowly roll his hips against your ass, forcing you to grind on Sirius’ cock in return.

Regardless of how his words made you feel, you couldn’t stop the moan from falling out of your mouth, effectively proving him right. When you looked down at Sirius, you knew he could see the tears beginning to form in your eyes, but he disregarded it to begin thrusting up into you, your head falling back onto Remus’ shoulders.

“Fuck she feels so good,” Sirius moaned. “Prongs, she’s ready for you,” he said, looking over to his messy haired friend.

Once that was said, Remus released your arms and you had to flail to stay upright, clutching Sirius’s shoulder. You weren’t there for long before James grabbed a chuck of your hair from the root and pulled you down sideways, your mouth lining up with his cock.

“Open,” was all he said, treating you indifferently. Something you were not used to and not a fan of. You did what he asked regardless though, hoping if you proved that you were good their attitudes would change.

Once your mouth engulfed James, all three of them let out a moan in sync, getting off on the fact that all of them were inside of you at the same time.

“Look at her,” Remus rumbled out, “just a filthy fucking whore taking all of us.”

You whined around James’ cock in protest, but the vibration only made him moan and pull your head in further, your nose now flush up against his skin. A tear slipped down your face, both because of the urge to gag around James’ cock and because of their unexpected treatment of you. Sure they had degraded you before, but never this much, never all of them at once, and always mixed with praise. This was different and you didn’t like it.

“Look at her,” James started with a breathless laugh, continuing to fuck your throat raw, “she’s even crying for it like the pathetic slut she is.”

That’s what did it. That’s what had you pulling off of James with a sob, struggling for breath with tears pouring down your face. “Stop, please stop,” you begged quietly, praying that one of them believed you.

Thinking back, you were all stupid to never have a safeword for these situations but nothing like this had ever come up before. They were always so good with reading you, knowing exactly what you needed. You weren’t sure what went wrong this time.

Thankfully, James didn’t go to reach for you again and Sirius and Remus immediately stopped giving you the delicious friction they had been providing inside of you to turn towards your face.

You collapsed against Sirius’ chest in a fit of sobs and he was quick to wrap his arms around you and pull you close. You could practically feel the panicked looks being passed between them, but they were all quick to jump into action. Remus was running his hand along your back, but he never pulled out, they knew how much you hated them pulling out before you were ready. You felt the bed dip and James sat down at Sirius’ side, a hand coming up to brush through your tangled hair.

“What happened, love? What’s wrong?” Sirius asked softly, his lips brushing against your neck.

“Too mean,” you whimpered out, not looking up at any of them.

“We were being too mean to our sweet girl? You want us to be nice while you’re our good girl?” Remus asking, lips brushing your shoulder blade before he pressed a gentle kiss on your skin.

“Please,” you said with a final shaky breath, looking up at the boys while your tears dried.

“You sure you want to keep going?” James asked gently, his thumb coming up to brush the tears off of your face.

“Please. Please, it felt so good,” you begging shamelessly, grinding down on Sirius and Remus’ cock for good measure, just to prove how much you wanted to keep going.

“Fuck, okay okay,” Remus said, choking on a laugh when he felt how tight you were against him all over again.

“Ride us just like that pretty girl. You’ve been so good for us all night. Letting us fuck you and strecth you like this. So good,” Sirius mused, really laying it on thick in his attempt to rectify his mistakes as he grabbed your hips harshly, overwhelmed with how tight you were.

“You wanna use your mouth again, love? Or just your hand?” James asked, gently turning your face to his using a knuckle.

You didn’t even reply, just bent over sideways once more and opened your mouth, tongue out.

“You’re fucking perfect,” James said with a chuckle, gently working your mouth back onto his cock until he was lodged down your throat.

They never stopped the rough treatment, but the words they were saying were affecting you so much differently now. Rather than making you question yourself and your place with them, they were making you feel so good and loved and safe.

The way they were ravishing your body made you feel heavenly. The way Remus and and Sirius’ cocks were dragging in and out of you made your head spin and your core tighten, dangling on the edge just waiting to be tossed over. James’ cock down your throat gave you a fraction of power over at least one of them, knowing all of his pleasure was coming from your body. Truly, all of their pleasure was, but you were working hard for James.

“Fuck you feel like a vice,” Remus groaned, his fingers digging into your hips as he rolled his hips against you in a steady pace. You could feel the way him and Sirius’ cocks were dragging past each other through the thin walls inside your body, making you tremble with the thought of being so full of them. They were practically splitting you open, but oh what a way to go. “Let go for us, Y/N. Fuck, I can feel how close you are.”

It didn’t take long after that. One, two, three more pumps from each of them and you were spiralling over the edge and into your release. You pulled away from James to let out your loud cry of relief and he readily took over to work his own cock, aiming it directly at your open mouth. In the rush of your release, you could feel yourself being filled with cum in all your holes. Warm rope after rope of cum gushed into your core and your mouth, completely filling you up from all angles.

Being that full of their cum made you tremble, but you finally worked your way down from the clouds and collapsed against Sirius’ chest once more.

It took all of you a minute to even feel coherent, but finally Remus was pulling out of you slowly. You could feel a rush of cum leave your body and trail down your thighs and onto the bed. You weren’t even sure whose bed you were on anymore. You whimpered at the feeling, both the unsatisfactory feeling of misplaced cum and the feeling of being empty after so long.

Sirius went to pull out next, but you shook your head aggressively, needing to feel close to one of them after all of that. “Please don’t,” you begged softly, unable to give him a reason at the moment. You were a mixture of overwhelmed and still in a comedown, you just needed to be close.

“Alright, don’t worry. You can stay here as long as you’d like puppy,” Sirius told you, shifting so the both of you were laying on your sides, getting you comfortable on the bed beside him. James crawled into the bed behind you, and Remus moved to relax against the headboard, pulling your feet into his lap to lightly massage them, relaxing you further.

“You did so good for us tonight, love,” James said, moving his body so his chest was against you back, boxing you in. “We didn’t mean to upset you at all. You’re always good for us. You know that, right?”

“I know. It was just too much in the moment,” you tried your best to explain.

“We’ll talk about it later, yeah? We should have a word for if that happens again,” Remus suggested, quick to bring up what you had already been thinking about. You gave a small nod into Sirius’ neck, which he relayed to the boys.

“Get some rest, pup. We’ll be right here when you wake up,” Sirius told you, placing a kiss on your forehead before moving to pull a blanket over the both of you, never pulling out once just as you wanted.

Because you always got what you wanted from your boys.

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falsegoodnight · 3 years

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a new header??? it matches better <3 these are the fics I read or reread and enjoyed this month! like last time, i’m separating it into different sections: main list, wips, and non-1d. rereads will be included in the main list and marked with a star (*).

*note: this list encompasses the fics i’ve read from the 1st to the 28th only

—

main list ~

✰ Don’t Wait Up by reliablyimperfect | NR | 1k

Without Harry’s warmth next to him, he felt the chill of the air creep over his skin. He tugged the blanket down from where Harry kept one draped over the back of the couch for him, grateful. With the blanket, he instantly felt warmer, but it backfired when his eyes began to droop again. Trying to keep his eyes open was impossible, and he was consciously aware of how long his blinks were becoming. They stay closed longer and longer until, eventually, they didn’t open again.

so soft and sweet and lovely! made my heart feel so warm <3 will return to this for some quick comfort in the future!

✰ my ugly mouth kept running by @hadestyles | E | 4k

Sometimes second chances are more important than the first.

rori’s lush writing + abo + exes to lovers = absolute perfection. my fic cameo gives it a bonus too :’) definitely one of my rori favs

✰ i’ve loved you three summers now honey, i want them all by @softloubabie | M | 4k

The restaurant was small and bright, soft colors filled the walls and tables and fairy lights hung from everywhere. From what Harry had read, the food wasn’t overly expensive but it was still comparable to what you would get at one of the more expensive places. If Harry could he would take Louis to the biggest most expensive and extravagant restaurants to do what he planned to tonight, but this would do.

After being led to their table Harry nervously tapped his jacket pocket, sighing in relief when he felt the small box still there. Tonight was the night. He couldn’t wait till it was time to surprise Louis with all the gifts he got for him. Then finally the big surprise.

so cute and sweet! their kids were so adorable and the proposal so lovely!! they love each other so much <3

✰ love me in between the future and the past by navigator & quitter | E | 11k

Harry's scared of history repeating itself.

this honestly hurt to read but in such a raw and emotional way?? was mad at harry and then sad for him :( this writer duo’s fics never fail to amaze me!

✰ sunshine on my mind by @raspberryoatss | E | 13k

Louis visits Harry in Portland

this was so sweet and lovely! the perfect addition to this wonderful universe! pip’s characterizations and fluff never fails to make my heart feel warm <3

✰ rapture in the dark by @stylinsonsupporter | T | 13k

Harry Styles is a breakout musician who has shed his boyband label in favor of embracing his inner brooding rockstar. His PR team think that his rebrand is the perfect time for Harry to come out of the closet and have devised the perfect plan for doing so. Enter Louis Tomlinson, up and coming (and very openly homosexual) model whose public image as America's Sweetheart is the perfect foil for Harry's new edge. From a PR standpoint, it's a dream come true - a power couple that can slowly coax the public into accepting Harry's altered image. The only problem? They hate each other.

always love a good fake dating au and this is no exception! and model louis >> really enjoyed this!

✰ Maybe, Baby* by thoughtsickles | M | 16k | mpreg

It all feels too easy, too good to be true. It all feels like a scene from Louis' daydreams, the kind of life he'd always imagined he'd have when he was younger and bored at his momma's work, sneaking around the hallways of the maternity ward until the nurses let him in to hold the babies. He'd felt so important being allowed to touch them. He'd told them stories of the lives they were going to have, houses with nice wallpaper that wasn't peeling, yards filled with sunshine and flowers and grass that never went yellow. A hammock to nap in, cuddled up with his husband.

You can't stay here, he tells himself, but Baby doesn't want to listen.

have reread this one quite a bit of times now and it still makes me so happy <3 this Louis and Harry deserve the world <333

✰ Let Me Inside by reliablyimperfect | E | 18k

Louis is Harry’s boss, but Harry is the boss of Louis.

loved this one! really enjoyed the balance between h&l and how they maintained their dynamic in subtle ways outside of the bedroom while also keeping it separate. very much enjoyed the jealousy as well <3

✰ a scintilla of predilection by @dehydratedpoolfics | T | 20k

There, in the far back of the room, next to the only available seat left, is none other than Harry Styles. Harry, who grew up next door to him, who knew all his secrets as a child and played FIFA with him on Saturday mornings after he would spend the night Friday evenings every week, whose curly hair would tickle his nose as they held each other during bitter cold nights that made his room glow a haunting blue.

love ex-childhood friends with misunderstandings!! louis was so cute and i loved his poetry <3 harry too was so stupid but so smitten and lovely :’) really enjoyed this!

✰ Keeping The Flame Alive by @crazyupsetter | E | 20k

Recording with One Direction never felt like this. There’s a couple reasons for that, Harry thinks. One is that they did most of their recording on the road, rushed and in busses and hotel rooms, never in one place long enough to really get an argument going. The other, larger and more important one, is that back then he had the sweetest, meanest little omega around to distract him from all of that frustration.

The first time around, when he’d been recording his debut solo album, it hit him pretty hard. He likes to think he’s better adjusted to it now, but frustration is warring under his skin nonetheless. He doesn’t want to be told what to do most of the time, and he especially doesn’t want to be told what to do when it comes to his music.

What he does want right now is that sweet, mean little omega right in front of him with his mouth on Harry’s cock. Unfortunately, the best he’s got is his own hand and a shared toilet. So. That’s really not going to work.

✰ like it’s a game* by @soldouthaz | E | 32k

There is little Harry hates more than truth or dare.

And Louis.

queen of enemies to lovers! it’s been a while since i’ve reread this but too absolutely no surprise, it’s just as amazing as always <3 sarah never misses!

✰ Too Young To Know by @2tiedships2 | M | 35k

Harry doesn’t present as an alpha… until he does.

really enjoyed this as per usual! exes to lovers is my jam and the added angst of Louis dating someone else at the beginning... love <3

✰ Some Things Take Root* by navigator & quitter | E | 50k

Louis' ex doesn't get jealous of anyone besides Harry. Harry helps Louis use that to his advantage.

stumbled upon this randomly and decided to reread on a whim... ended up staying up to read it in one sitting! so good!

✰ Safe and Sound (You’ll Always Be) by @all-these-larrythings | E | 58k

When a failed case and a guilty conscience leaves Harry more than a little lost, his boss presents him with a new, less taxing assignment to help him cope. An escape from all the madness is just what Harry needs to get his life back on track. It's just too bad his new client has a grin like the devil, a pair of electric eyes that Harry simply can't get over, and no intention whatsoever of letting him catch a break.

i don’t know how i’ve never read this before??? it was absolutely amazing though! perfect blend of humor and fluff and tension and angst <3

✰ Mind Over Matter (You Under Me) by @youreyesonlarry | E | 74k

It’s dark outside when Harry finishes practice for the day.

the slow burn in this fic killed me - which is to say, it was perfect! loved how they progressed from working together to being friends to something more and how much they genuinely cared for each other! the hockey was so fun too!

✰ Call Out My Name by frenchkiss | E | 102k

Apparently, it's bad PR to fall in love with the omega you hired to help you through your rut.

Harry Styles begs to differ.

ellen truly knocked it out of the park with this one!! had everything i could ever want: abo, famous/non-famous, fluff, humor, angst, drama, and more! i loved it from beginning to end!

wips ~

✰ ‘cause all our tomorrows lead the way by @loubellies | E | 64k | 7/11

So maybe Louis’ in over his head.

He had signed up for the Bachelor on a whim after his second bottle of wine and well, here he is. He’s just been announced as the twenty-sixth Bachelor and his ass is sweating. Like, literally sweating. He’s positive that if he was to turn around, the entirety of Bachelor Nation would get a nice peek of his ass sweat.

am thoroughly enjoying each chapter!! it’s been a wild ride so far and although things are currently calm, i am still on edge!! but i trust mar with my life <3

✰ Truth Behind Golden Eyes by @lwtisloved | E | 83k | 8/16

Louis is a royal servant born with magic in a kingdom where his sole existence is outlawed with a war he has no idea he has a part in upon him. Harry is the prince on whom the burden of mending a broken kingdom falls upon and he might be willing to risk it all for a simple servant if only he admitted it to himself.

caught up last night! still really enjoying every chapter and can’t wait to see what happens next!! things are *happening* with h&l and answers are being given!! (love the jealousy too!)

non-1d ~

✰ Keep Me Close (I Need Your Faith) by @princelouisau | E | 23k

Somewhere along the way he had fallen in love and in doing so, had broken the one rule he knew he couldn’t come back from. As quickly as he realised, he decided that he must never dare speak it. He resigned himself to loving Draco in silence.

first foray into reading drarry... and, to no one’s surprise, i loved it! beautiful writing as always and beautiful atmosphere! it’s really not a shock that i fell for these characters and their story when danielle is behind it <3 it had me entranced from beginning to end!!

finally, i myself actually posted a fic this month:

my fics ~

✰ yesterday came suddenly by me | E | 49k | mpreg

Harry the deadliest member of the NYC assassins’ guild, is forced to face a seemingly impossible task in hopes of finally leaving the underground behind for good, but when ghosts from the past come back to haunt him, escaping the darkness becomes that much harder.

If you read any of these beautiful works of art, remember to leave kudos and comment to show your appreciation!

*if i made any errors, please let me know :)

enjoy!

#my fic recs #fic recs #28th appreciation #march recs #2021 recs #march 2021 recs #scheduled

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omg-im-such-a-masochist · 4 years

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📽 📼LET’S (NOT) KEEP IT PG PART 3 📼 📽

Prompt: Drew and Y/N are reunited once again

Word count: Long!

Pairing: Drew McIntyre x Reader

Warnings: +18, fluff (by the end), smut, vaginal sex, anal sex, fingering, oral sex (male and female receiving), 69, anal plug, dirty talking, trichophilia (hair kink - pulling), asphyxiation kink (breath play - chocking) in other words: just pure filth😈

Tagging: @jibbles26 , @akiko-tanaka , @blondekel77 , @theworldofotps , @new-zealand-chic

Notes: Originally this shouldn’t be up until March but you already know me: I have no self respect at all! In a conversation with the lovely Marissa aka MJ, aka @howdareyouhydra. She asked if I could come up with a part 2 and 3 for the original “Let’s (Not) Keep It PG”. Part 1 and 2 are already up (you can read it on my Masterlist) and this is the finale: part 3! I thought to myself: Go big or go home! So here’s the result of it! Also: I tried to keep it “as real as possible” SPECIALLY with the first time anal thing. I just want to put it out there that communication is KEY and HIGHLY important kiddos, so please before doing the dirty business find someone who will truly care about you and your wellbeing! Not only with their own pleasure, ok?!...Y’all know the drill loves,sorry for misspellings,english isn’t my first language (bla bla bla),check out my other stories if you’d like to(it would make your girl here very happy 😊)You can check out my other stories on my Masterlist and my newest story as a fixed post. Okay,now let’s get to the fun part,shall we? Hope you’ll enjoy 😉

❤️Drewy❤️: I’ll be home in 20 minutes

I reread the message Drew sent me once more. Staring to feel the goosebumps all over my skin.

I was patiently waiting for him in the bedroom, dressed in a lavender mini circle skirt; nude underneath it, a white tulle crop top with my breasts bare and some sheer white medium length socks.

I listen to the sounds of Drew’s heavy footsteps upon the dark wooden stairs, that are now leading him to our bedroom.

The door swung open and an impatient Drew, dressed in a black dress shirt and pants comes in my direction.

“Finally!” He grunts, giving me a bear hug while inhaling deeply upon the nape of my neck “Argh, I missed ya so much. I missed your smell, your skin, your lips” He kisses me urgently.

“I missed you too baby, those two months without you were a literal hell” I close my grip tighter around his neck.

“I know, princess” He coos “But we’ll have one whole week to make up for lost time” Smiling he kissed me again

“How’s daddy’s little girl doing?” He whispered

“Lonely, without you,”

“We’ll fix that right away, love” He began to kiss my neck

“Daddy...I have a surprise for you” I smirked when he backed away to look at me

“Surprise?”

I nod “Yeah, while daddy was away I took the time to prepare myself so daddy can claim the one thing he hasn’t claimed yet”

I watch as all the blood from Drew’s face is drained in disbelief

“Did you really?” He breathlessly asked

“Yes, do you wanna see it daddy?” I deviously grinned

Drew just nods, completely speechless as I lean in all fours on top of the bed with my bottom facing him. He scooted closer and lift my skirt slowly up to my hips, moaning a long ‘fuck me’ in a thick accent when his eyes encounter the beautiful dark pink with a flower base, glass butt plug.

“Did you liked my surprise, daddy?” I smiled innocently, looking at him over my shoulder.

“Liked? Oh love, I hope you’re not planning to go somewhere tomorrow ‘cause I’m sure you won’t be able to even get up from the bed!” He caresses my butt cheeks “You’re so perfect, princess. So fucking perfect” He praised “Turn over and lay down for me, love”

Drew unbuttoned his dress shirt, eyes glued to mine. He slowly takes the shirt off, letting it slide through his arms until it reached the floor, followed by his pants and underwear.

He kneels down, dragging me closer to him. The movement made my skirt go up to my waist.

“I missed this sweet pussy” He let a glob of spit fall upon my clit so it would drip down to my entrance. Drew watched until his spit reached the bedsheet, only then leaning in to give me long, teasing licks until he focused on my clit and slid one finger in.

“You managed to get even tighter without daddy, love?” He added a second finger in “I can barely fit two fingers inside of you”

He moves his fingers at a slow pace as he incredibly softly sucks on my clit.

Low moans fell from my lips when he speeds the pace of his fingers and tongue

“Daddy, please” I beg

“What do you want, princess?”

“I want daddy’s cock on my mouth” I babble

Drew slowly removes his fingers, lay down on the bed and motions for me crawl to him.

“Straddle my face, baby” He says panting

As soon as he has his face between my thighs he pulls my core towards his face and I lean down to suck him off.

The bedroom soon filled with our muffled moans of pleasure. I can feel my orgasm reaching close, making me suck Drew even harder. He slides two fingers in, pumped twice and that was enough to make me reach my high. With Drew’s own orgasm followed by, once he feels my walls suck his fingers in.

I swallowed his seed, turning over to meet his blue eyes.

“Come here” He beckons me

I crawl to him, hovering his body. He rapidly pulled me up, so he could kiss me vigorously.

“Think you can take another round right now? ‘Cause I want that pussy AND that ass” He nibs my jaw

“I’ve been waiting two months for that. Ruin me, daddy” I smirked

“Oh princess, you should’ve chose wiser words” He laughs, entering my core in one swift motion and wasting no time to pound me roughly.

“Oh fuck” I moaned. The way the butt plug pushed my walls further to the front, made the whole pounding feel like it never felt before. The whole sensation was like being doubled penetrated.

Drew close his fingers around my neck, pressing it lightly as he kisses me, tossing his free arm around my waist to keep me in place.

“Did you missed daddy’s cock, princess?”

I nod lightly

He releases his grip on my neck to only keep my head in place by locking his thick fingers on top of my head, firmly gripping my hair.

“Did you missed the way how daddy’s cock stretches your pussy, love?”

I nod again

“I bet your vibrator can’t do that, can it?”

“No, daddy. Only you can” I whispered

“Argh” He growls and pounds me even harder “I love how your pussy feels around my cock baby” He pulls me down by my hair so his lips can whisper in my ear every kind of obscenity you can think off: how good I felt, how his cock missed me, how he couldn’t wait to fuck my ass...With every filthy word his accent grew thicker and thicker. Drew always knew that dirty talking was my weakness and also the fastest way to make me cum.

It didn’t take long for me to reach my second orgasm, he continued to pound me but this time it was softer, making the orgasm last longer.

Drew caresses my cheeks, whispering

“Are you ok?”

*Always so thoughtful* I thought

“I’ll be better once you fuck me in the ass” I giggled and he laughs

“There’s nothing that I want more right now than to fuck your ass, baby. But I don’t want to push ya too far...I don’t wanna hurt ya” He brushes my hair with his fingers

“Drew” I caress his beard “I love how much you care about my wellbeing, but trust me, tiger: You won’t hurt me and I’m still really turned on, so would you please, kindly, fuck me?” I bat my lashes

“You’re gonna kill me someday, woman” He grunts, carefully sliding out of me

“Where’s the lube?” He asks in a raspy voice

“Nightstand”

He got up from the bed and took the plastic bottle on his hand, leaning down to kiss me softly

“I love you Y/N”

“I love you too, Drewy”

He smiles fondly “Turn around, princess”

Drew squirted some of the lube on his length, carefully took out the glass plug and squirted more lube upon my hole, inserting one finger in and out

“Are you ready, love?”

“Drew, stop teasing me” I yelped

“So eager, aren’t you?” He laughs, positioning his cock’s head upon my hole, carefully entering me.

The feeling was...new, the fact that I took my time to prepare myself with the plugs undoubtedly helped, a lot! He entered easier than if I didn’t had, but at the same time Drew is thicker and bigger than the butt plug so the pressure was different. Not hurtful, just new. He was half way in when he stop it.

“Are you ok, baby?” He asks, drawing soothing circles with his palm on my back

“Yeah, it’s just different”

“Different good or different bad?”

“Different...weird” I laughed lightly

“Do you want me to stop?”

“No”

“Y/N, love. Talk to me, I need to know how you’re feeling” Worry surrounding his voice

“It doesn’t hurt or anything like that, if that’s what you’re worried about. It’s just that you’re bigger AND thicker than the plug, so it’s a new feeling that’s all. But not bad, you’ve got the green light Scotsman” I joke

“Ok” He chuckled “But if at anytime you feel like you wanna stop, you let me know ok?”

I nod

“I’m serious Y/N, at ANYTIME”

“Noted!” I mock him and gained a hard slap on my ass

Drew slowly moved until he was buried deep inside.

“Motherfucker” He faintly moaned and stayed still for what it felt like ages

“Drew, are you ok back there?” I mock “Aren’t you gonna move?” I ask

“Yeah, yeah, just give me a second” His voice breathless “I need to focus, because you feel too fucking good and I will be damned if I cum just now! So I just needed to breathe” He says and slowly started to move.

The once weird feeling became extremely erotic when he started to move. It was still different, but incredibly good.

“Daddy” I call

And look behind my shoulder to see Drew’s eyes glued to the sight of his cock going in and out of my ass and I could swear, I saw some drool escaping his lips. I’ve never seen him so turned on before and the vision woke up a primal part in me.

“Daddy” I call again, but this time louder

He awakens from his lust haze and stopped moving

“What’s wrong princess? Do ya want daddy to stop?”

“No” I whined “I want daddy to go faster”

“Faster? Are you sure?”

“Yes! Please daddy” My eyes pleaded to him

Drew circled one arm around my waist, pulling me up and out of my in all fours position so I could be kneeling down on the bed and started to increase his pace.

One arm around my waist, another vigorously gripping my hip and a fast pounding got me moaning loudly.

He started to bite my cheek, neck and jaw line, making me lift my arm up so I could bury my fingers on his dark hair, keeping his face glued to mine.

Drew releases his grip upon my hips to roam down and rub my clit.

“In, put it in, please” I babble incoherently but he (thankfully) understood

Entering my core with two fingers and roughly finger fucking me.

It was all too much and too good. His cock inside my hole, his fingers in my core, the biting, the moaning...it was all so dirty and lustful.

“I’m gonna need you to cum princess, Right now!” He mumbled

With two more thrusts I came the most eye rolling orgasm I’ve ever had in my life! I was coming down from my high, when I felt Drew pulling out and the hot spurts of his thick seed landing on my butt cheeks.

I collapse onto the bed, with Drew landing by my side a few seconds later, after cleaning us up.

“That was...beyond this world” I mumbled with my face pressed against the mattress

He laughed loudly before saying

“YOU are beyond this world!” He pulls me towards him like a rag doll, turning me over so I could lay on my back “Are you ok?”

“Drew, I’m fine! More than fine” I giggled

“Are you sure I wasn’t too rough?”

I lightly touch the frown between his eyebrows “You’re never too rough, you’re a perfect gentleman every single time” I pecked his lips

He shyly smiles, slightly blushing

“Thank you for the surprise. I really, really loved” He said and stared at me for a few minutes

“What?” I ask, feeling incredibly exposed due to his intense staring

“You’re so beautiful, on the outside undoubtedly! But on the inside as well. Just so beautiful...I can’t imagine my life without you” His voice is in pure awe

I never knew how to react whenever he said those sort of sweet and deep words to me, Drew was always the romantic one: expressing himself, talking about his feelings and wishes. Me? I was the complete opposite: shut down, didn’t like to show that many emotions, didn’t knew how to express my feelings. I was ‘the ice queen’ as he used to tease me ever since we’ve met. It took me precisely 2 YEARS to take the courage to finally say that I loved him, when he was able to do it after 2 months!

I didn’t knew how to reply to his beautiful, kind, loving words so I decided to deal with it, my way: Break the uncomfortableness with a joke

“Does that means my Voodoo dolls have worked then?” I narrowed my eyes “You got no choice but to stay with me forever, McIntyre” I chanted as if it was a spell

He laughs like a child, cups my cheeks and says

“I do have a choice, love! And I choose you, everyday! Today, tomorrow and forever! My one only gal” He winks and I blushed

Already thinking what other joke could I crack in order to break the spell he casted on me now...

Please let me know your thoughts on this? Feedback is always appreciated 🥰😘

#drew mcintyre imagine #drew mcintyre smut #drew mcintyre fanfic #drew mcintyre x oc #drew mcintyre x reader #drew mcintyre one shot #drew galloway #drew mcintyre #wwe x reader #wwe smut #wwe imagine #wwe fanfiction #wwe one shot #masochist writes

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goldentournesol · 4 years

Text

The Receptionist and the Profiler (Epilogue)

Chapter Eight: Epilogue

(Spencer Reid x f!Reader)

Series Masterlist

General Masterlist

A/N: Welcome to the final chapter of the series. this is just a summary of what Spencer and Reader’s life is like in the future. thank you so much for joining me on this journey. I’ve enjoyed it so much more than I thought I would. So without further ado, enjoy.

Working for the FBI made for a pretty wild life. Even though Y/N wasn’t an agent, her life had been caught up with work just like all the other agents’. It also didn’t help that her boyfriend was endangered practically every minute of every day. It was hard, but Spencer and Y/N made it work. Among the darkness, they created light for each other. Spencer was no longer dreading coming home to a quiet life of reading and rereading his favorite books. He had a partner, he had a lover, someone to depend on. She was there for him as he grieved the loss of his friend and coworker deeply and she was there when he struggled with his excruciating migraines. They walked through life together, facing the challenges head on.

Emily’s death had taken a toll on the both of them, but they were nothing short of relieved when they found out that she was alive and well. Many changes took place after that.

JJ had worked long and hard to turn into a profiler, the liaison had years upon years of experience before switching jobs which meant Hotch had to find a new communications liaison, but he didn’t have to look far at all. He had offered Y/N the job without a second thought. A lot of her job as receptionist covered a liaison’s job. She would often get numerous calls a day from nosy reporters and she’d have to shut them down. However, with the added responsibilities, she’d had to take classes and had undergone copious amounts of training with JJ and Hotch, but she found that she flourished in this new job, despite the hardships that came with it.

This meant that she had her own office now. Whenever Spencer wasn’t at his desk, he was in her office, and whenever she wasn’t in her office, she was at his desk. She often found that she missed her old job as receptionist, but nothing could replace the newfound feeling of making a difference in the world. She used to admire JJ’s ability to stand before nosy reporters and judgmental cops, and here she was, blowing herself (and the team) away with these hidden abilities.

Before, she was aware of the general gist of the job, she knew it wasn’t easy, but the team often kept the gory details to themselves around her. Now, she had to pick and choose the gore which constantly left her with the question of whether she’d made the right choice or not. The intensity of the job had slightly damaged her spirits, but thankfully she had an amazing support system. She couldn’t have done it without Spencer’s unending support, or Hotch’s for that matter. Before allowing Y/N to accept the job, Hotch had made sure to warn her about the horrors first. She assured him she was ready, even though sometimes she felt like she wasn’t.

On the somewhat bright side, this also meant that she was around during most, if not all cases. This had Spencer jumping for joy, but it also terrified him to his bones. All his emotions were always on overdrive when it came to her. He was glad that he didn’t have to spend so much time away from her, but it simultaneously meant that he was constantly worried for her safety. He never wanted her to go into the field, ever. No matter the amount of combat training she did with Morgan. She found that she preferred interviewing victims’ families and controlling the press to facing serial killers head on anyway.

Sometimes it was easier for her to control the press from Quantico, so it wasn’t uncommon for her to stay back during cases. One particular case had dragged on for much longer than any of them had expected. The whole team was gone in Wisconsin and Hotch had asked her to stay back and hold down the fort at Quantico. The team ended up staying there for two weeks. It was the longest she’d ever been away from Spencer. Nightly calls weren’t enough for them and Spencer truly hadn’t experienced such an emptiness without her before.

As he scooped her into his awaiting arms right outside the elevator when they finally made it back to the office, he breathlessly declared to her, “Marry me.”

She pulled back from the tight embrace to examine his features, “What?” She said, voice thick with confusion.

“I don’t want to be away from you for that long ever again. I don’t want to wait anymore. Marry. Me.” He enunciated firmly. She broke out into a grin.

“Okay, I will.” She laughed and he squeezed her once more, savoring her warmth.

“This isn’t the official proposal by the way, you deserve something far nicer than all this, but I just want you to know that I’m ready if you are.” Spencer clarified and she threw her head back with laughter. Spencer’s heart soared at the sound.

Spencer took that statement and ran with it. He teased her every chance he got. At one dinner date they had planned, he had the nerve to begin his sentence with her full name, her heart dropping to her gut.

“Y/N Y/L/N, would you do me the honor of...sharing this fine wine with me?” Spencer said smugly, resulting in a shocked, but somehow relieved scoff coming from her.

A different time, he decided to give her a false alarm during one of their daily lunch walks in the park nearest to Quantico. He knelt down to one of his knees in the middle of their promenade.

“Y/N Y/L/N, will you...wait for me while I tie my shoe?” Spencer asked with a face-splitting grin. This time, she didn’t hesitate to shove his shoulder slightly, causing him to lose balance and almost faceplant into the pavement.

At this point, she truly had no idea when he was going to pop the big question. Knowing him, it could literally be at any point in time. She had to admit, though, he kept her on her toes. A month later, she was sure he’d pop the question during JJ’s wedding reception because of the way he was staring at her all night. He’d looked dreamy in his tux to say the least. Y/N was almost too shy to dance with him because of how magnificent he looked. What she didn’t know was that he was thinking the same exact thing about her. She looked exquisite in the evening gown she adorned and Spencer was absolutely enraptured by her.

Being so surrounded by love and admiration, Spencer finally asked her to marry him the second they made it through her front door. They stood in the small hallway between the kitchen and the living room. She had just turned around from taking her heels off and was met with Spencer down on one knee, holding the most beautiful ring out to her in a navy blue velvet box.

“I had this elaborate speech planned, Y/N, I really did. I was going to talk about the stars, about the first conversation we had when I told you about the origins of yogurt, about how stupid we were for not realizing our love for each other earlier, but I realized that none of that matters right now. All I know is that this feels right, you make everything feel right. Will you marry me?” Spencer asked, his face incapable of hiding even a sliver of the adoration he felt for her.

“Yes, I’ll marry you in every lifetime and every universe.” She said, tears falling freely from her eyes. He sprang to his feet and wrapped her up in a long awaited embrace. He felt her body shake with wet laughter against his. He placed the ring on her finger and quickly kissed her passionately. Their giddy giggles flew through and around them.

Spencer knew she didn’t want a long engagement. Her previous engagement was hard enough of the both of them. Their jobs were just so demanding, it was hard to set a date and keep from pushing it back. Their wedding planner was beyond frustrated with them, but what can they do? They’re literally out there saving lives. And before they knew it, two years had passed them by and they were due to be married in two months.

But, alas, Spencer Reid seemed to have a knack for getting shot by unsubs right before weddings. While they were investigating a difficult case in Texas, Spencer was shot in the neck. Y/N was at the police station when she’d heard. She wasn’t sure who took her to the hospital to see him, everything was a blur since she got the call. She was plagued by the fear of losing him.

She’d overheard Alex Blake and JJ discuss how he’d always wanted children when she arrived at the hospital. In the back of her mind, she screamed that she’d give him all the kids he wanted, if the universe just let them breathe.

All too quickly, she was a sobbing mess in JJ’s arms. He’d gotten hurt before, he’d been in danger before, but she’d never been as close to it as she was then, it terrified her. Garcia had arrived and guided her to Spencer’s room. In another flash of events, there was a loud bang and Y/N had barely registered that a gun was shot inside the room.

The ringing of her ears subsided just enough to hear Spencer tell Garcia, “You saved my life, do you hear me?”

That was the second time his life was endangered in the span of two hours. Y/N looked her fiancé square in the face.

“I don’t want to wait anymore. As soon as you’re up and well, we’re getting married.”

Exactly one week later, they’d rushed through whatever they could rush through. Thankfully her dress was ready and altered, the cake was made to order, but sadly, they’d given up their gorgeous, gorgeous venue. Rossi was more than happy to offer up his backyard and the couple found it more than fitting to commemorate their love in the very location where Spencer had first confessed his feelings to her and where she’d returned them later.

Life truly came full circle as Spencer stood in the same exact spot where he’d confessed his undying love for her the very first time. Spencer did everything he could to keep from sobbing like a child as he saw the owner of his heart stand before him, just like she did that day, but this time adorning her white dress.

Being the romantic sap that he was, he recounted almost every milestone in perfect detail during his vows. Through the unrelenting tears, of course. Y/N’s words came out wobbly and wet, but she managed to get her vows out. There really was not a single dry eye in the small, intimate crowd. The entire team had watched them fall in love oh-so-gracelessly over the years.

Their ceremony was beautiful. It was different than JJ’s had been, it was more special to the two of them. Spencer was in nothing short of awe as he watched his wife sway with Henry wrapped up in her embrace on the dance floor. Henry’s little arms and legs were wound tightly around her, the bottoms of his shoes surely smearing dirt all over the back of her dress, but she didn’t care. Not when Spencer was looking at her like that. His throat clogged itself up as she caught his eye and smiled sweetly. The same thing was on both their minds, it was like an unspoken agreement had been made through some kind of special, invisible bond between them.

He couldn’t wait to have a family with that woman.

And they’d wasted absolutely no time. Three months after the wedding, Y/N announced that she was carrying a baby Reid. Tears and cheers erupted for them all. They had found the perfect little house with the help of Morgan. It was perfect for their growing family.

Pregnancy wasn’t easy on Y/N at all. Flying all around the country and helping catch serial killers was not an activity that pregnant Y/N wanted to engage in. The team had been more than forgiving as they dealt with her mood swings and crazy cravings. It also turns out that soon-to-be mama Y/N was especially helpful in chewing out unsubs in the interrogation room, but as useful as she proved to be, she couldn’t wait to pop the little peanut out.

Spencer and the team were rushing off the jet to the hospital as they’d heard Y/N had gone into labor. Spencer had only missed the very beginning and was by her side the entire time after that.

They welcomed baby Emelia Reid into this world on a chilly September night. Spencer was over the moon, he was borderline obsessed with looking at the baby and keeping a hand on her at all times whenever she was in the room with them.

He waited for his mother to fly out a few days later just to meet baby Emelia. He wept as he watched his mother kiss the top of his baby girl’s head. No other feeling could ever compete with the one he experienced at that moment in time.

Emelia had grown into such a radiant little girl. She was a miniature hurricane of chocolatey brown curls and rosy red cheeks. She’d already blown her parents away as her intelligence only seemed to increase with time. The similarities she had to her father were astonishing. She was a daddy’s girl through and through, but Y/N didn’t seem to mind sharing him. Not when the sight of them together instantly melted her heart every single time.

Diana tried to be as active in the baby’s life as she could possibly be, however her condition began to worsen over time. Eventually, Diana had had to move in with Y/N, Spencer, and Emelia. Thankfully, their house was large enough, but taking care of a toddler and Diana while being 6 months pregnant was inarguably too much to handle for Y/N. She’d found out that she was pregnant again, and they were expecting another baby girl. Y/N had also taken time off from work to focus on the dilemmas at home.

The at-home nurse was doing the best she could since Spencer was always either at work or off finding Diana some kind of new treatment. He’d told Y/N that he’d been going to Mexico to get her some special medication and so she didn’t mind as long as she’d been kept in the loop of where and how he was. Spencer Reid never kept anything from his wife. They were always transparent with each other. Y/N was glad that he’d told her about his trips down to Mexico, or else she’d be out of her mind looking for him.

But suddenly, during one trip, he’d stopped answering her calls. Complete silence on his end. It had driven her absolutely mad. It was only until JJ visited her the next morning informing her that Spencer had been arrested in Mexico for the illegal possession of drugs and possibly murder. If JJ hadn’t been around to catch Y/N before passing out, she or the baby would have been in extreme danger.

But Spencer Reid never kept anything from his wife. She’d been adamant that she would have known if he was struggling with drugs again. The last time she’d seen Spencer was during the trial. He’d looked so terrified as they pronounced him guilty and shoved him away from her. From his family. He’d spared Y/N one last broken glance, his gaze drifting down to her swollen belly. Their second child was on the way and he won’t be there to meet them. He mouthed a heartfelt apology before they took him away. Y/N wept and wept until everyone but the team left the courtroom.

“How am I gonna do this, Pen? How am I gonna do this without him?” She spoke between breathy sobs. The baby, Emelia, Diana. She couldn’t do it on her own. It would break her.

“You won’t be alone, Y/N. We’re all going to help you.” Penelope reassured her, but the only thing that was capable of reassuring her was currently in handcuffs behind closed doors.

She’d had to keep Spencer’s whereabouts from Diana and Emelia. She’d told him that he was consulting a case somewhere in California, where he also had access to the beach. Up until that lie wasn’t viable enough. Emelia’s questions about her daddy absolutely tore through what remained of her heart.

Diana’s caretaker had apparently quit and a new one came by. Y/N thought something was off, but she pushed that thought aside as she worried over her husband and the baby that they were due to meet any day now. Two months had passed and Spencer was still incarcerated, he hadn’t allowed Y/N or Emelia anywhere near the prison, but she’d broken down at the possibility of him being locked away for 25 years.

She’d visited him once, right after the birth of their second baby. They’d had another beautiful baby girl, whose name had been decided long ago by the two parents. Baby Adaline. The delivery was immensely difficult without him, but she pushed through. Y/N had almost begged Emily to pull any, any strings she could to get them to meet since Spencer said he’d only agree to see them if he could ensure their privacy and safety. They’d managed to get them in with Spencer’s lawyer, Fiona. Y/N cooed to Adaline as she cradled her in her arms, wrapped in her little blanket. The cooing served as a distraction as she waited anxiously for Spencer to meet them in the small little room.

Suddenly the doors emitted a loud buzzing noise, prompting a loud cry from Adaline. A sound that was strange to echo off the walls of this place. Y/N shushed her gently until she caught sight of her husband walking through the door. Tears gathered in her eyes as she took in his disheveled state. His eyes found hers and quickly flitted to the squirming bundle of joy in her arms. Spencer’s lip wobbled as he entered the room. Y/N shifted Adaline to rest upon her shoulder as she wrapped one arm tightly around Spencer. No touching was allowed, but the guards pretended to look the other way, courtesy of whatever strings Emily had pulled.

The three of them bawled against each other in an unceremonious reunion. Spencer at last pulled away from his wife and stared at the baby in the bundle. He hesitated to carry her. His hands were clean, but they still felt so dirty. How could his hands hold this beautiful gift of life while they’d been committing such heinous acts within these very walls? But one utterance from his wife made that all vanish.

“It’s okay, Spence.” She smiled slightly, angling Adaline towards him.

He gazed at Y/N closely, as if checking to see if she was sure. Y/N carefully handed her over to him and he instantly turned into less of a shell of himself and had begun to resemble the man that Y/N could recognize. He cooed to her softly, kissing her face repeatedly. Adaline instantly quieted down at her father’s touch.

The small interaction had fueled the pair for weeks. Spencer found a source of hope and was determined to see through to the other side. He would not rot away in his cell forever. The team continued to try and crack the case from the outside. Y/N was instructed to be more careful than ever. She often brought Emelie and Adaline to work with her. She had not been flying out with the team, preferring to stay close to her girls until Spencer was back.

On one of the days Y/N brought her girls to work, she’d found out that Diana had been missing. Her caretaker was accompanying her to visit Spencer in prison and then neither of them had been seen afterwards. They quickly identified the caretaker as Lindsey Vaughn. If Y/N had been on the case with them ten years ago, she would have identified her, but she was just another face to her. Y/N was livid, Vaughn had been around her children, she’d been inside her home. If Spencer didn’t get to catch the bitch, they better believe Y/N will.

Spencer was released quickly after the BAU proved his innocence. He was on his way to the office now. Y/N had been peering into Adaline’s carriage when she’d heard the high pitched voice of Emelia.

“Daddy!” Emelia exclaimed, racing across the bullpen to jump into her father’s arms.

“Hi baby. Daddy missed you so much.” Spencer said, hiding his tears in his daughter's hair. He held her tightly to his chest as he crossed the bullpen and made it to Y/N’s office. He put Emelia down gently and scooped his wife into his arms.

“You’re back.” She said softly through tears.

He hooked his chin over her shoulder and sniffled strongly. He might not be the same man he was before, but he still loved her unconditionally. He still loved all three of them unconditionally.

“I’m here.” He repeated the phrase out loud like a mantra.

And he was here, but he also wasn’t. His wife could tell that the man who stood before her had endured hell, but when he cradled their baby girl so tightly to his chest, it was hard to imagine him as anything other than a loving, gentle father, and a compassionate partner. She knew she’d hold onto that thought forever. Once they retrieved Diana, they knew they could face anything.

As long as they were together.

And they knew they would be, for as long as the universe would allow in this life, and then the one after that.

~THE END~

previous chapter/ bonus chapter

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thank you for all the love, feedback is always appreciated!

#spencer reid #dr spencer reid #spencer reid fanfic #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid fanfiction #Spencer Reid fic #spencer reid series #spencer reid angst #spencer reid masterlist #the receptionist and the profiler #Criminal Minds #criminal minds fanfic #Criminal Minds Fanfiction #criminal minds fic #cm #spencer reid fluff

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rmnamjoons · 3 years

Note

Okay I read The Bodyguard and holy fuck I have so many things I need to say. First of all I made the mistake of starting the story before I went to sleep and I’m saying a mistake because I could NOT stop reading and it was like 3 something am when I was done. (I saw Namjoon in my dream btw after that) This was the first time I read one of your writings and it was just incredible. Considering the fact that the story was incredibly long, I never felt the need to skip a few paragraphs to get to the point and that is simply amazing. I am sure it must have taken a lot of research to write about the locations and the background description but you did a great job because I was not bored for a second and it truly felt like there was a movie playing inside of my head. Plus the plot, the action, the chasing!! So smartly planned and portrayed! Now that I’m done gushing over your beautiful writing, I can say that the energy between OC and Namjoon made my toes curl. They were just both so stupidly cute!! After pining for them for SO LONG (like 40K maybe lol), when they finally kissed I had to go back couple of sentences and re-read because I was just like holy shit is this finally happening?? The fact that Joon felt insecure about his financial position and couldn’t help but compare himself with Jin, when OC was just dreaming about staying in that small cottage with him the whole time was heartwarming -also breaking a little bit. After seeing Namjoon in his vlive a few days ago, I was immediately thinking about how his haircut makes him look like a soldier or a bodyguard in some sort and that is exactly how I was imagining him in this story too. When Joon got attacked by the bad guys towards the end of the story, I really thought they were both going to die. I was like fuck that’s it, he will die in her arms, both telling each other how much they are in love. I was getting teared up till my girl OC CAME THRU WITH HER AMAZING SHOOTING SKILLSSS!!! I could feel her rage and that part will be engraved in my mind for a long time. I really do feel like Namjoon would be a oral fixation type of guy. I don’t know if you plan to write more on this AU, maybe some drabbles or something but I would LOVE to see a drabble about Joon eating out OC until she taps out 👀 I will definitely be reading this story again in the future, probably in the winter time and imagine about a Namjoon protecting and loving me. Well that was fun. Again cheers to you for writing this masterpiece. Take care!!

omg thank you so much 😭😭😭 i don't know what to say, this is such an amazing ask that literally made my whole month. you sent this a couple days ago, but i've literally kept it in my inbox and have probably reread it like a dozen times now, and every single time it just makes me grin so wide

i'm really happy that you liked it, and i agree so much re: i also want a namjoon of my own to protect and love me (and him seeming like an oral fixation kinda guy lol) and oh no!!!! i'm sorry it made you tear up; i was hoping the ending wouldn't be too intense 🥺 i'm happy you liked it though! and as for more AUs with this couple......... maybe 👀 i love the sound of the idea you described (going until she taps out) so i may have to do something with that!

#answered #hoeforseokjinn #the bodyguard #saving this forever so i can reread anytime i'm sad

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chiseler · 4 years

Text

Echoes

One book from my childhood has always haunted me. Cursed Be the Treasure, by H. B. Drake, didn't just get under my skin, it crawled inside and gnawed. An "adventure" tale of smugglers and pirates, of guilt and vengeance, it was a cold soak in an alternately reality that I could believe with all my heart.

My mother presented it to me at I'd guess age 10 or 11. Probably it had been in our collection all along. I assumed it was from her own teen years, so in the 1910s. I never knew where my mother came by such things, she seemed to absorb offbeat, peculiar works through some etheric transfer.

Over the years, I remembered little of the plot – just two incidents so horrific that they hung on me like literary albatrosses.

Perhaps five years back, that haunting returned and I felt the need to find that book again – the original had disappeared into the mists of yesteryear. I bought a copy online – a mere $3.50 if I remember rightly – a ratty-spined hardback. I immediately determined not to read it. I couldn't face the possibility that it would be just another "young adult" monstrosity that had overwhelmed my feeble mind. That would be a gut stab.

But with Daniel Riccuito's strong-arm encouragement, looking for an "unusual" book from the '20s or ''30s – my pick – I immediately thought of Cursed Be the Treasure... but "uh-oh, wrong decade." Yet when I flipped back the creaky cover, I found the copyright was 1928. So I committed to reading it again, with dripping trepidation.

And...? It resonates with the "now" of me as solidly as with the "then" of me; it's left an unusual sense of wonder, a "how can the universe work this way?" that I pooh-pooh in daily life.

Before getting to that: Who was H. B. Drake?

I've found minimal online biographical info on Henry Burgess Drake, who had two (at least) parallel careers. Born of British missionary parents in China in 1894, the next to last of seven children, he served in WWI, then taught English in China, Korea (at a Japanese university) and England, sometimes alongside his younger brother, Eric – this bio snippet, an aside to a longer one of Eric, does not mention Henry's writing. During (or before?) WWII, Henry served in the British Intelligence Corps, "to recruit spies to penetrate Japanese held territory" in China.

Of his alternate existence, fantasy and SF sites note him mainly as author of The Shadowy Thing, which had a strong influence on H. P. Lovecraft. You can purchase a 1928 hardback edition online for $967; I don't plan to. Beyond that and Cursed, he penned a few sea and other adventure tales (sometimes as Burgess Drake), and a five-volume Approach to English Literature for Students Abroad during the '40s and '50s. He died in 1963.

I've had little truck with adventure stories. The Conan tales bore me silly – great gnarled nonsense. I recently downloaded a humongous boulder of public-domain fantasy/SF/adventure (many of them novel-length), looking for a simple, non-challenging read. The first four I staggered through were almost malignantly bad – cumbersome slagheaps of adjectives, mostly multi-page descriptions of otherworldly scenery, including, so help me, two travels through nothing – quite literally a void interrupted by different-colored lights. They showed less imagination than an addled exterminator.

It's turned out that what I was looking for in that muck, without knowing, was Cursed Be the Treasure, which harks back to lesser-known works such as R. L. Stevenson's The Wrecker, about a ship ("The Flying Scud") in which the adventure is as much inside the narrator as mired in convoluted events wavering beyond the written horizon. I think Drake also took inspiration from Dickens, especially Nell's wanderings through the countryside with her grandfather in The Old Curiosity Shop. (Though unlike Dickens with his often black and white characters, all of Drake's emanate shades of moral grey.)

The first-person narrator of Cursed is Tommy, recalling his youth from age 6 to roughly 17, consumed in continual flight with his father from the vengeance of what his father calls Shadow-of-Fear. During their flight, they are briefly "trapped" by a witch-like figure, Bite-in-the-Dark, whom Tommy kills by accident. Then the flight continues, because... who or what is Bite-in-the-Dark, and can the greater Shadow-of-Fear be killed?

Baldly stated, this can sound silly. But it's written with a riveting intensity of isolation and unfocused fear. His father will run forever to protect Tommy, but does not feel he can, himself, escape the inevitable. And there are also the magically bright summers at the Dolphin Inn, where Tommy investigates the caves and rock ledges of the coast, the supposed refuge of smugglers, uncovering secret passageways leading to... what?

Along the way, he and his father stop at a supposed haunted house. Tommy sees a ghost (does he?) and encounters a skeleton (he does).When his father must leave on for an extended period, Tommy goes to school for the first time – his father's extensive, intensive knowledge had been enough to meet his educational needs.

Tommy makes friends with Worthing, an older, rule-bound student (who faults Tommy's adventuresome ways). Tommy invites Worthing for a stay at the house, during which Tommy finds a hidden passage and loses it again. In a later stint at the house, he meets Captain Field and his daughter. She, like Tommy, is traveling alone with her father, and like his father, the Captain is haunted by an implacable enemy.

Why no mother for either of these near-bewitched children? The word "mother" never appears in this tale. For both, the single parent and the single child have always been thus.

From here on, I'll leave the plot alone, because it's the method of telling and the near-perfect pacing that make this book, in my mind, close to a masterpiece. Reliving it, retrieving the incidents I forgot through the years, was unlike any other literary experience I've had; 70 years between readings, and it holds the same searing chill. And those two remembered incidents that I did recall – I can't talk sanely about them. The second details perhaps the worst mistake any human being could make.

There's nothing overtly supernatural in the telling, but the possibility of it hangs like a torn curtain. As Tommy slowly uncovers clues, a more enmeshed tale emerges, tying together disparate elements –almost typing them together. Certain small details don't quite fit... but not because Drake is lax. It's because nothing here can be complete, wholly true or fully whole. A "definitive" through line would only cheapen the tale. The passageways by the Dolphin Inn lead to no found end; the lost treasure is truly cursed – through the intertwined vengeance of those who fought and killed for it, and the inescapable guilt with which each must live.

That's the book, as written. But its effect on me goes beyond the words. It reaches something in me as inescapable as Shadow-of-Fear, like a reflected study of my life. Not Tommy's flight – the entire tale. I have none of Tommy's robust, adventuresome spirit... at least not externally. But something of my mind works the way this story works, with the details incomplete, the compounded feeling of guilt, the need for everything to be different, released. It was somehow like I was reading myself.

But a few details....

The novel I've been working on for the past couple years (before I reread Cursed) encapsulates a woman in her early 30s:

raised by her father, from the ages of 4 to 16

haunted by the past and her eerie effects on the present

with no direct memory of her mother, though unlike Tommy, the not knowing torments her

her name is Jenny; Captain Field's daughter's name is Jenny

This litany of congruence rattles my innards.

Did those plot details from Cursed that I thought had been lost remain hidden in the far reaches of my mind?

I don't think so. On rereading, the early chapters seemed fully new to me.

Are there cosmic associations that exhibit when we least expect them, in the least likely ways?

I think that even less.

I see the world as a grand accumulation of circumstances, ruled by laws that we can never directly experience or untangle as they apply to the minute incidents of life. Sometimes these circumstances heap in symmetrical piles that can delight or terrify, as did the Dolphin Inn and Shadow-of-Fear for Tommy.

In my case, the dovetailing of this marvelous tale with driving events in my life is an overwhelming gift.

I refuse to question it.

by Derek Davis

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yukiwrites · 5 years

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Their Joyous Marriage

Thank you so much for the support again, @reirevan! I’m weak for marriages and now it’s DIMILETH’s turn!!

Summary: Precisely because Dimitri and Byleth held the highest positions possible for anyone to hold in Fódlan, their marriage was one that would need months of careful planning. Ah, but to finally be able to swear their love in front fo the world... anything would be worth it.

Commission info HERE and HERE!

_______________________________

Even before they returned to Fhirdiad, Dimitri and Byleth already considered themselves a married couple by the eyes of the goddess. They had exchanged their vows at the Goddess Tower and consummated their wedding, but that was all in between themselves. Their own private wedding, so to speak.

In reality, they would still need to go through many a preparation before they could swear their love in front of the world.

First and foremost, Byleth could not go to the capital of the United Holy Kingdom of Faerghus with her beloved just yet -- as newly appointed Archbishop, she had certain duties to attend to at Garreg Mach monastery, just as Dimitri had his duties as King back in Fhirdiad.

Holding their ring hands before parting ways, they promised to meet again back at Byleth's new home: Fhirdiad. She would do everything she could to transfer all of the routes of information of the Church to the capital, where she was going to make permanent residence of. She was the new Archbishop, but that did not mean that she had to live in Garreg Mach to fulfill her duties.

She was going to be Queen of the new Unified Fódlan as well, after all. Accumulating both positions required her to be as close to the capital as possible -- more precisely, right beside her King, at the Royal Castle.

... Of course, those were all the official responses she sent to the allies of the Church throughout Fódlan. Byleth's true, deepest desire was to be kept beside her husband at all times.

Such tall amount of work would surely take a few months to complete -- to meet with the highest-ranking representatives of the Church around the continent not only to introduce herself but to discuss the best routes they would need to take to deliver information; to hear the plea of the people and spread the doctrine of the goddess she knew of, the Sothis Byleth had housed for the largest part of her life... She was about to reform the entirety of what it meant to be a follower of the goddess, basically.

However, she would leave that bold approach to the faith for when she would be properly installed at Fhirdiad -- for now, she only needed to tackle the most pressing matters required of those in a transition of power.

Besides, there was a detail that kept nudging the back of her mind: As Archbishop of the Church of Seiros, Byleth quite literally outranked every kind of priest that existed in their faith. Who would be able to bless her and Dimitri's unions in the name of the goddess if Byleth herself held the highest position?

Of course, Rhea would be the most obvious choice as the previous Archbishop herself, but due to the continuous mistreatment she went through for five years after the fall of Garreg Mach monastery, she was barely able to give her position away before retiring to a deep slumber at the Holy Mausoleum.

Briefly before falling asleep, Rhea had finally revealed to Byleth the truth of her birth, her origin and the reason why she had housed the consciousness of the goddess inside of her. Finally understanding herself for the first time in her life, this new knowledge only spurred Byleth further into longing to be near her husband for as long as time allowed her to.

Which spiraled back into the question of who could officiate her wedding with the Savior King -- two public and named as 'legendary' figures by the folk such as themselves couldn't be united by a simple priest, not even if said priest were the one officially residing at the capital specifically for such occasions.

Seteth wouldn't do either. Although the right-hand man of the previous Archbishop, he was never seen presiding masses outside Garreg Mach, not to mention officiating marriages.

Byleth sighed, exasperated, as she went through a pile of documents. Resting her head on her fist, she peeked under each sheet of paper to see what it was about; sighing each time she did so.

Meeting, meeting, meeting, public speech, class on how to preside a Mass, public speech, meeting with the eastern church, meeting, visiting one, two, three, seventeen villages-

"Wait a moment." She blinked as she finally focused on what was truly written on the papers. "The eastern church... What does this say, again?" She mumbled to herself as she scrambled through the documents to find the letter from the newly appointed Regent of the Leicester region, Lorenz Hellman Gloucester, as he liked to call himself at the beginning of each letter. He asked for Byleth's presence in this endeavor of uniting the Church itself under one same banner much like before, so it could follow the example of the continent.

Well, that was what Byleth had planned from the beginning, but what if... A sly smile started to creep on her lips, making her regain the vigor she had lost as she dove into the endless pile of documents.

One priest or Bishop wouldn't do to officiate the Archbishop's marriage with the Savior King, but what if there were two Bishops from two previously warring factions of the same church?

Byleth was going to have a long and strenuous talk with the representatives of the Eastern and Western Church both, so they could bless her marriage! That would not only be appropriate in terms of rank, but also in terms of unification -- if Byleth managed to bring two known enemies together under the same roof to once again unite their faith in the same goddess, she would have given a full stride towards the direction she wanted the Church to go from now on.

A new glint shining in her eyes, Byleth dunked the tip of her feather pen in ink, bracing herself to write letters all day long.

The first one was to her husband, of course. To let him on her plans for their union as well as to ask him to check what the situation was around the Western Church beside the Rowe territory. In more than a few occasions, Byleth had exchanged blows with them under Rhea's orders, so approaching them with nothing to give but her words would prove difficult.

The second and third ones were for Lorenz and the Eastern Church's Bishop, Deacon, respectively. She also wrote a check list of things she wanted the Knights of Seiros posted at House Edmund's territory to check out once they went out in patrol. She would also send a similar list to the ones posted in Arianrhod so they could keep an eye on the Western Church's movements.

There was a steep, uphill road ahead before she could finally climb up to be married to her beloved, but by Sothis she was going to prevail. She WAS going to marry Dimitri by the end of the year or her name wasn't Byleth Eisner Blaiddyd!

... Well, it wasn't yet, but it was going to be!

Dimitri had to cover his face with both hands to hide his blushing cheeks the moment he read the end of his beloved's letter. On a whim, she had signed it as 'Byleth Eisner Blaiddyd', almost literally killing him instantly. "Oh, but I cannot wait to see you again, my light." He whispered to his hands as he tried to regain his breathing.

He peeked at the letter once again, heat immediately flushing his face. He could see by her handwriting on how boldly she had started it, surely filled with determination after a long time of pondering. The first line, written with such a strong penmanship the ink leaked and stained a bit read as 'My Lion', killing him instantly once again.

"I might frame this," he contemplated as he bonked his head on his desk, a giddy feeling bubbling in his chest. He could barely bear to read it without wanting to giggle like a schoolgirl, his entire body heating in embarrassment and fondness at the same time. Slowly did he reach for the letter to reread it one more time, clutching his chest with his free hand. "No, this is for my eyes only." He pressed his lips into a thin line as he opened the locked drawer of his desk. He would keep it there, close to him whenever he was hard at work.

It would help him cope with her absence, alongside with the ring he proudly wore on his finger. His eyes falling to it, the King smiled fondly, his cheeks still flushed with pink. Dimitri raised his hand to his lips, kissing the ring lovingly. "Separated as we may be, we do this so we can stay together until the end."

Byleth herself could barely be found at the monastery -- she took it upon herself to travel to the most distinct churches of the faith as well as to gather information regarding the opposing factions. Knowing that approaching the Western Church without hearing back from her husband would be a tad too risky, Byleth tackled the Eastern Church first.

Deacon, the Bishop of the Eastern Church, was a meek and reasonable man. His predecessor had died during the war with the Empire, though not because of it, since they couldn't be further from the frontlines. Whooping cough or some other ailment.

The previous Bishop had taken the Eastern Church's mistrust on the Central Church to the grave, apparently, since the negotiations went down so smoothly it shocked Byleth and the Knights she had brought from Garreg Mach. The ones posted at Edmund territory weren't nearly as surprised since they had written as much in their reports, but it was still hard to believe without witnessing it firsthand.

However, despite that tremendous win -- Deacon had agreed to bless Dimitri and Byleth's marriage alongside Abbot, the Western Bishop -- the real fight was still to begin: to convince Abbot himself to go to the ceremony.

Or so Byleth thought. The moment she received word back from Dimitri and the Knights at Arianrhod, she realized that the situation might be easier to tackle than she initially thought.

Of course, the deeply rooted mistrust that described the Central and the Western churches' relationship couldn't be so easily erased, but Abbot, the Bishop appointed to lead the Western Church since the incident back in 1180, had actually been working towards mending that. After the fall of Garreg Mach at the start of 1181 he had put a stop to those plans simply so they could survive through the war, but once Byleth started to make a name for herself inside the Central church after they freed Faerghus from the Empire's hold, Abbot had decided to once again merge the Western Church with the Central one.

Surprisingly good news, really! Even if it took a longer while to convince their respective followers, to have the support of their leaders was a surefire way to fostering understanding between them.

And great timing, as well: Byleth had planned all of her voyages with the goal of having the Western Church be her last stop before moving to Fhirdiad permanently. She had already informed her friends of the former Alliance of her marriage so they would be prepared to leave a month open once they arranged everything. She also wrote a few advance letters to the ones she couldn't visit -- Bernadetta, Ferdinand, Dorothea, Caspar... While her business didn't take her to the former Empire region, Byleth still wanted her companions to be there during the most important moment of her and Dimitri's shared life.

Overjoyed but exhausted to the point of being burned out, Byleth returned to her temporary quarters in Arianrhod to rest, her heavy body contrasting with her light soul and heart. She was just one step closer to being with Dimitri again after five long months or running here and there.

"Just one more step," she mumbled as she finally tucked herself in her bed -- a lonely, too big of a bed. "Then we can be together forever," she sighed longingly, her eyes so heavy she barely made an effort to fall asleep.

Unbeknownst to her, Dimitri had stolen away from the capital in a blind eagerness to finally meet his wife again -- according to Dedue, his known accomplice in letting the King escape from his duties, Dimitri had been so antsy as of late he was barely useful in whatever he did.

If only Byleth had stayed awake for another hour, she could have met Dimitri in the flesh, but alas, the moment his exhausted horse arrived at the gates of the fortress, the Archbishop had already given in to fatigue.

"Your Majesty! If you'd given word of your arrival, we would've prepared your quarters-" A knight from House Rowe scrambled to find the words to direct to the sudden appearance of his King, but Dimitri could barely hear him.

"No matter, good soldier. Just direct me to where the Archbishop is- where the future Queen is located." He almost ran inside, knowing that Byleth would be at the noble wing of the fortress, though relying on the man to point which door he should open to finally meet his beloved.

"Future-" the man stuttered, freezing in place. "A-at once, Your Majesty! This way! B-but the Archbishop has already retired to sleep-"

"No matter, I said," Dimitri almost skipped, making the poor knight struggle to keep up. Once the proper way was pointed out, the grand smile on his face almost made it impossible to speak. "Thank you, good soldier. You are dismissed." He said softly before quietly opening the door, disappearing inside of it.

Ah, there Byleth was, wrapped under the covers... And it wasn't a dream, not this time! She was there, she was real; they finally met again!

Barely containing his excitement, Dimitri felt his eye burn with tears, faltering in his steps to the bed. He silently took off his mantle and jacket, placing them over a nearby chair. Then, he took his boots off without even sitting down, bending only when it was time to climb on the bed.

His whole body trembled to the point of worrying that the sound of his thundering heartbeat could wake his beloved up -- how tired she looked! How ragged, how exhausted- how terribly, wonderfully beautiful!

Ah, to gaze upon her features again! Dimitri sniffled with emotion, quietly slipping under the sheets as he laid by his beloved's side. He took a few strands of hair from her face, unsure of what he wanted to do -- to hug her, obviously, but he also wanted to gaze upon her throughout the night, to hear her calm breathing and finally take it in that she was there, with him.

In his un-decision, he decided to simply gaze upon her beauty until either sleep claimed him or left her, whichever came first.

Dimitri thought he would be able to stay up all night as he did many a time before, but simply being with Byleth again made his whole body relax and fall soundly asleep like he hadn't done properly in the past five months.

In the morning, Byleth groggily snuggled into her beloved's chest, her mind still far from catching up with what had happened. She simply dug her face into the familiar warmth, wrapping her arms around his solid build.

Realization hit her so fast it made her jump out of his arms. "Who is- Dimitri?!" She gasped, "what- how-"

Startled by his wife's start, Dimitri sat up almost immediately, although his face was still in the land of dreams. "Hu- Byle- my light-" he shook his head, quickly remembering what had happened. "Oh, My Light, you are finally awake!" Wasting no time, he dove into his beloved's lips, claiming them to himself like the both of them wanted for so very long.

"Mmph...!" Byleth rolled her eyes in pleasure, forgetting how many times she wished for that to happen. To taste his kiss again and be tenderly held by him- oh, what joy!

Once the fog of exhaustion lifted from her mind, she could mostly guess how her husband had found her there, but she was too busy indulging herself into his kiss to speak at that moment.

Finally reunited, the couple could at last work together in preparing for their marriage -- they sent proper invitations to their friends from in and out of Fódlan. Byleth mentioned wanting her dress to be decorated by Hilda, Dorothea and Bernadetta, remembering how good the three of them were with sewing.

It would be special to her to have her former students -- now her allies and friends -- to have an active role in the preparations. She would never have won the war by herself, after all.

Dimitri had bashfully asked for his childhood friends Sylvain, Felix and Ingrid to be his best men and woman, expecting rejection of at least a third of the party. But Duke Fraldarius had actually agreed to it, though his letter sounded rude as always.

"'Don't make me regret it', huh?" Byleth giggled as she read Felix's reply, lying on her husband's lap as they arranged this or that detail of the party inside their quarters.

Dimitri smiled bashfully, "that truly does sound like him, does it not? I am glad that deep down he is still the same boy I befriended as a child."

"Both of you changed," Byleth held two different kinds of sample of laces for the details of the tables overhead, close to Dimitri's face. "But your bond will always be unbreakable, I'm sure of it."

Dimitri chose the lace on the right, nodding as Byleth put it on the 'chosen' pile. "Indeed."

As the big day approached, so did the guests who came from farther away -- Claude arrived with Hilda and Lorenz, bringing gifts and good news from Almyra. The trio never failed to make Byleth laugh with their interactions, bringing warmth into the Queen-to-be's heart.

Bernadetta arrived a few days after, quickly latching onto Byleth's arm. "I-I came to a new place on my own, see!" She stuttered as she followed her former professor around like a duckling. "Although you're here with me as p-promised."

"Thank you for braving through this trip for me, Bernie. I hope I didn't ask too much of you in helping with a few touches on my dress."

"O-oh, don't be sorry, Professor- umm, should I still call you that? You haven't been my teacher in over six years and I'm sure I should be calling you Your Majesty? Maybe Your Holiness? I'm-"

Byleth chuckled. "Just call me Professor if that's easier for you, Bernie. Don't worry too much about it, okay? I called you here because I wanted you to witness this important moment."

Bernadetta lowered her head, blushing slightly. "O-okay. Thank you, Professor. I'll do my best to help with the dress! B-but don't blame me if looks terrible in the end, okay? It probably will..."

"Hah! It's going to be fine!"

It felt as though Byleth had spent the entire year running around from place to place -- which was actually true. She had barely had time to breathe in preparation for the big day, but she couldn't be happier. She was overcome with emotion the first time she tried on her dress, allowing a few tears to escape before sniffling them all back in. Once she saw Dimitri in his outfit testing, she was unable to keep her emotions in check, however.

He looked so radiant and full of life -- so unlike the unhinged man she had found during the war. He was still the same man inside, she knew of it, but witnessing his recovery from this up close was so breathtaking it took the strength out of her body. How she loved him!

Dimitri giggled as Byleth jumped in his arms to steal a kiss, his own emotions overflowing through his eye.

In a blur, time flowed quickly -- soon it was time to walk down the aisle: the cathedral of Fhirdiad was packed with guests from all over Fódlan, the Bishop dual awaiting at the feet of the goddess.

Byleth wore a bright white dress, its ruffles and sleeves skillfully modified by the three young ladies who already sobbed quietly at the front row of the altar. A flowy, lace cape covered her slender shoulders, matching her pair of long gloves as she slowly made her way through the red carpet.

Gustave walked her down the aisle, proud to be the one to hand his new Queen's hand to his King. Once their hands met, Dimitri and Byleth smiled ever so softly it brought tears to that old man's eyes.

"Hey, you're not crying, are you, Felix?" Sylvain whispered by his friend's side as they stood a ways behind Dimitri as his best men.

The Duke flinched, quickly turning his face away from his friend. "What? 'Course I'm not. Go get some glasses."

Ingrid stepped on both of their feet. "Do you want to ruin this ceremony?! Quiet!" She whispered gravely, about to pull their ears.

Abbot glanced at the trio before clearing his throat to start his matrimonial speech while Deacon gestured for all of the guests to be seated.

"We are here beneath the feet of the goddess to bless this couple in marriage..." Abbot started, being followed by Deacon.

"The couple that unified not only our continent, but our faith under a single banner once more."

Dimitri and Byleth exchanged glances, their fingers intertwined into a firm hand hold. "I love you," Byleth mouthed as the Bishops kept on with their speech.

His eyes blurry with tears, Dimitri squeezed his beloved's hand just a little before bringing it to his lips. "I love you, too." He mouthed back, stealing a few 'awww's from the guests who were at the front row.

"... and now, for the Solemn Promise." Abbot finished his part of the speech, raising both hands towards the sky. "Would the couple- ah, you're already holding hands, I see."

Byleth and Dimitri once again glanced at one another, their emotional smiles never leaving their faces.

Deacon extended his hands to the couple, inviting them to place their hand hold over the altar. Once they did, Deacon held them within his own. "Do, Byleth Eisner, consent to this union in taking Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd as your husband, in sickness and health, in poverty and wealth?"

"I do." She replied solemnly, never breaking eye contact with her beloved.

"Do you, Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd, consent to this union in taking Byleth Eisner as your wife, in sickness and health, in poverty and wealth?"

"I do... no matter what comes our way." He replied, his voice cracking.

Both Bishops nodded, Abbot joining the hold with his hands. The both of them spoke at the same time: "May the Goddess in Her magnanimous will strengthen your consent and fill you both with Her blessings. What the Goddess has joined together, let no man put asunder."

"Forever," Byleth's lips trembled as she lost herself in her beloved's eyes.

"Forever." Dimitri mirrored, his hands shaking slightly.

"You may kiss the Queen now, Your Majesty." Abbot and Deacon let go of the couple's hands, each patting on a royal's back.

Dimitri was sure he would be bashful in sharing a kiss with his beloved in front of so many people, but he wasn't. He was so focused in her emerald eyes, glistering with tears; in her peach colored lips just waiting to be kissed... He closed his eye as their breaths intertwined, their lips brushing slightly before they pressed against one another.

Forever. They thought in unison as they embraced for the first time as official husband and wife.

#dimileth #dimitri fire emblem #byleth #fire emblem three houses #dimitri alexandre blaiddyd #my writings #yuki's commissions #spoilers

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under-the-blue-sun · 5 years

Text

vanilla softserve sort of day

summary: dan doesn't want to go outside today, but when his best friend and crush phil lester turns up at his doorstep...well, he had to change his plans a little.

word count: 4117

rating: teen & up for swearing, but it’s mostly just fluff

warnings: profanity

note: first(ish) phanfic so uh hello phanfic community nice to meet you i guess. this is a little rushed and crappy but im putting this out there anyway so let’s just see how that goes. inspired by liana flores’ softserve - please check her out, the link is here and she is amazing and so underrated i love her so much.

read on ao3 | read on ff.net

dear diary laptop thingy,

today began as a perfectly sunny day. and when i mean perfect, i mean absolutely perfect. i wasn't dying and sweating because of the heat, but it wasnt cold enough so i would shiver to death. the perfect weather to go outside, run around in a park and walk my dog. so obviously i stayed inside, sleeping till eleven am. that is, until i was woken up by the doorbell. i leapt out of bed and ran to the door in my pajamas. i know that that's bad, but in my defense i thought that my brother had left something at home and he was coming back to get it. it was holidays for me, but my brother's last day of school was today and my mother had to go to work. and as far as i was aware, my mum had not ordered anything online since she swore off it so i couldn't see how it could be anyone either than my brother and my mother, for who would want to see me?

yet, i opened the door and saw the one and only phil lester.

now i know you do not want to read through another in-depth description of phil lester. i was just rereading my other few entries and uh, i wrote a lot of things about his appearance and personality. but he did truly looked stunning, just standing there at my front door. somehow, he had looked even better since he got the very fashionable quiff and since he started to embrace his glasses. he was wearing a blue shirt and jeans, which accentuated his beautiful blue-green-yellow eyes and he had his dog, buffy, on a lead. she tried to run forward to greet me, almost choking herself, but phil held her back. and then he fucking smiled at me, which, as normal, was fucking death, which is a bit of an issue when he smiles a lot and he's your best mate, but i swear to fucking god, his smile could light up the entire world.

"hi." he said, still fucking smiling.

"i didnt expect you." i noted, like a reasonable human.

"yas, you didnt. nice pajamas." he said.

of course. of all the days, i just had to be wearing my wonder woman pajamas. i fucking hate this world.

"yeah, they are pretty nice. what are you doing here?" i asked, pretending i wasn't embarrassed.

he fiddled with his fingers, acting adorably flustered. god, i fucking love him. "well...you said you were home alone this week and that you were going to be really bored. so i thought i could, you know, turn up as a surprise." he said. i blinked.

"i dont...have anything planned." i said. he laughed, his stupid tongue sticking out of his beautiful teeth. god, please murder me.

"i know you dont, you spork. it is sunny out today, so i was wondering whether you wanted to go on a train with me to the beach?" he said.

i didnt respond for a few seconds so i could process this information. he is so fucking cute?? and nice?? i did not understand, so daniel.exe just shut down. but like?? still??? i said i was going to be bored on the week and that i had nothing to do, so he turned up at my front step and asked whether i wanted to spend some time with him. like who?? would do that??? honestly, he really was the best friend ever.

"it's okay if you don't want to, i was just asking, you don't have to, there's no pressure!" phil said quickly, his face turning red. it was only then that i realised i hadnt said anything for like a whole minute. oops.

"no, no, i would love to! i was just...surprised that you would think of coming here and asking whether i wanted to spend time with you." i quickly said, trying to make up for my mistake.

"you were surprised i wouldn't at least come and say hi after hearing my best friend was bored and free during the week? daniel james howell, i am truly disappointed in you." phil said, shaking his head.

so i took sookie, my dog (yas, phil and i have matching pup names) and wore my sunglasses. i wore the first clothes in my closet that were reasonably presentable (black, of course) and i went to the door. phil was on his phone playing crossy road (probably as the emo goose) and didn't notice me come out of the house.

"um...hello?" i said. he went pink, embarrassed he didn't notice me beforehand, and looked at me for a while. all i was thinking was fuck, i probably look bad.

"is there something on my face?" i asked. he went pinker and shook his head.

"no, it's nothing." he replied. "let's go!"

the train trip was as breezy as the wind today and before i knew it, we were at the beach. phil tried to chase some seagulls to talk to them like the dork he is, but i pulled him away.

"aww. but i could have been the next doctor dolittle." he complained. i rolled my eyes.

"we already discussed this. you cannot become a doctor, as you would be known as dr. phil and that title already belongs to one human and it will continue to belong to one human only." i said sternly. he pouted.

"but what if i legally changed my name? then could i become the next doctor dolittle?" he begged.

"what would you even change your name to? mo?" i asked, struggling to not smirk.

"mo? mo...lester. what? no! i dont want my name to be the word someone who sexually assaults others! i would change my name to...sylvester. then i could become sylvester lester!" he exclaimed.

"sylvester lester from manchester." i said with a grin.

"yeah! i like it!" he said. he looked so fucking happy, how could he ever want to spend time with me, who literally sucks the happiness out of everything? truly one of the world's greatest mysteries.

"it does have quite a ring to it," i admitted, "maybe you should change your name."

"then i could be doctor dolittle! well, the equivalent of him. doctor sylvester lester from manchester who goes on...questers...to communicate with other animals." he exclaimed. i shook my head.

"no phil, you ruined it. questers? really?" i said.

"i couldn't think of anything else that would rhyme!" he protested. i shook his head. sookie shook his head with me.

"see, even sookie knows what's up!" i said.

"well, buffy would never betray me, so take that!" phil retorted playfully. he then suggested we go grab some lunch, so we went to the local cafe and got some fish and chips.

it was a cute cafe. there was hardly anyone there as it was still technically a working day, which was good for us as we got an outdoor table for our dogs. sookie hungrily stared at my food, hoping for a chip or two. even though my mum hates giving sookie human food, she wasn't here to tell me not to give her any, so i gave in and allowed her to take some of my chips. while i was feeding sookie under the table, i listened to phil talk.

"did you know that a lot of fish in fish and chips is actually shark?" he said. i raised my eyebrows.

"i refuse to believe that. where did you hear it?" i asked with doubt.

"i don't know, i think someone told me on this science camp or something, i don't know." he replied, visibly attempting to recall where he heard it.

"right, okay, really reliable source there. even if it's true, i don't care. i don't care if this is raw shark, or raw octopus or some shit, it tastes good so i'm going to continue eating it." i said.

"octopus tastes different from regular fish, dan. i think you would know if you were eating raw octopus." phil pointed out.

"i don't care! i don't care! watch me! i don't care!" i exclaimed. phil laughed as he shook his head.

we finished the meal in ten seconds flat, like the ravenous, greedy brutes we were and then i paid, despite phil's protests.

"why did you pay? i should have paid! this is my treat to you!" phil exclaimed, continuing to argue even after we had left the cafe.

"yeah, and that is my thanks to you for taking me out." i said back. he huffed.

"yeah, but i wanted to treat you." he said.

"if you wanna try me, get me a ninety-nine." i said, pointing at the ice cream truck ahead. he groaned.

"but they're always so expensive. way more expensive than it should be, anyway." he whinged.

i shrugged. "i mean, if you wanna treat me -"

"yas, i'll get you a ninety-nine!" he blurted out, interrupting my sentence. "i might as well get myself one as well."

and soon, i had a vanilla softserve in my hand and an irritated phil to my right.

"why are they even called ninety-nines when they're not even ninety-nine pence?" phil asked.

"it's actually because italian people thought -" i began, but phil cut me off.

"i don't want to hear. they should be ninety-nine pence is all i'm saying." phil griped.

"if you don't want your ninety-nine, you can go ahead and give it to me," i offered.

"no, it's still mine." phil said. he stuck his tongue out at me, then took a huge lick of the ice cream.

"or is it?" i said. i leaned over and licked his ice cream.

"hey!" he cried. he leant over and licked my ice cream.

"see? now we're even steven. no need to get angry." i said. he shook his head while i manically cackled.

"race you!" phil shouted. i stopped laughing and i saw him in the distance, already running.

"wha - i -" i stuttered, before sprinting as well. by the time we just got to the end, we were both huffing and puffing, unable to breathe.

"i...beat...you." phil said, exhaling after each word. my brain protested "because you had a head start!" but my body was unable to comply, and all that came out was "head...start.". phil and i simultaneously collapsed on the floor.

after five minutes, i stood up and looked at where we had run from.

"you know, it wasn't that far, we're just grossly unfit." i observed.

"the things we sacrifice to play hours of video games." phil replied, shaking his head. "hey, how about we go on the beach?"

before i could reply, phil was on the beach, looking up at me with a grin. i shook my head.

"now sand is going to be in your socks and shoes." i pointed out. he threw his vans to the side and stripped his socks off.

"there!" he declared. "problem fixed!"

"phil!" i exclaimed. he tilted his head in confusion.

"what?" he said innocently.

"you can't just - oh, whatever," i said, giving in. i jumped down to the beach and i took off my socks and shoes.

"happy?" i asked, both eyebrows raised. he smiled, eyes crinkling with happiness.

"very." he said. he lay down on the beach, but jumped up abruptly.

"what?" i asked. he rubbed his back and dug in the sand with his fingers. he plunged his hand in and pulled out a huge conical shell.

"woah, look at this!" phil said with a huge grin.

"was that sticking up your back?" i asked. he nodded solemnly. i laughed loudly and obnoxiously as he pouted. he was so cute when he pouted. why did i have to go through this? this was straight up homophobia.

"hey, let's look for more shells!" he said.

"why?" i groaned.

"because it'll be fun?" he said, with puppy dog eyes. i groaned, but decided to humour him anyway.

"where are you going to put the shells, phil?" i asked. he pointed at his hoodie pocket.

"in here, of course!" he said.

"how many shells would you even be able to fit in there?" i asked. he shrugged.

"as many as i can. come on, let's hunt for shells!" he said, already running across the beach with buffy and sookie. i sighed and chased after him, trying not to grin after he started screaming.

and it turns out he was right. with a little help from my hoodie pocket, we managed to collect a whole lot of shells. somehow, we had managed to spend hours on the beach, rolling in the sand and grabbing shells.

"we should probably have dinner now." i said. he laughed and shook his head.

"what?" i asked innocently.

"nothing. just the people in the restaurant will probably think we're crazy, covered in sand and pockets bulging with shells." he said. i looked at him, his hair in the wind and his multicoloured eyes somehow matching perfectly with the sea. his face looked beautiful under the light of the sunset, and of course his smile was just as stunning as it was this morning at the front door. suddenly, i started laughing too, and he started laughing harder, and soon we couldn't stop until we were just two idiots with one shared brain cell, laughing our head off till we couldn't breathe.

to be honest, i don't know what was so funny. it wasn't phil's best joke, nor his cheesiest, nor his dirtiest or his most ironic. maybe it was just the absurdity of it all, that we had spent our entire day collecting shells on the beach with our dog. but at that moment, i was certain it was because of the impossible existence that was phil and how he managed to be so fucking beautiful and nice. that's why i was laughing anyway, i have no idea why phil was laughing his head off.

"yeah, let's wait for awhile before dinner. you can come to my place if you want?" i offered. he shook his head.

"nah, it's fine. i'll just go home and have dinner there." he said.

"please. have dinner with me. it'll be my treat back to you for making sure i didn't stay inside sleeping all day." i said, practically begging. i looked at him as the breeze blew against his face, and at that particular moment i was more in love with him than i ever could've imagined someone could be.

he looked back at me for a while, then relented. he smiled and shuffled closer towards me.

"sure. i'll love to have dinner with your family." he said.

we sat in comfortable silence, looking off into the horizon.

"the beach during sunset really is beautiful." i observed.

"yeah. really." he eloquently replied. i turned to him, and realised he was still looking at me.

"fuck, i can't deal with this anymore." he muttered. i frowned, quizzical. and then he interrupted my thoughts and kissed me.

my brain went completely empty of all the thoughts i was thinking before and all the logic i normally apply to situations. i stopped thinking about the maths homework i was supposed to do, and how we had to go all the way back to the other end of the beach to get our shoes and socks back if they were still there, and how the weather forecast said that it might rain later this evening. the only thing that i was thinking about was how phil, my best friend, crush, soulmate and companion through life, fucking liked me back and that he was fucking kissing me.

holy shit. even now as i'm typing this, i still can't believe it. this kind of thing only happened in cliche rom-com tv shows and movies. but yet it was still happening. Philip Michael Lester, the attractive, polite, intelligent, thoughtful, kind human being, was kissing Daniel James Howell, the impolite, sarcastic, idiotic, emo, ironic demon. just...fuck. fuck fuck fuck.

"i really like you dan." phil said quietly, avoiding my eyes. i took his hand and placed it in mind.

"i really like you too." i said, smiling. he looked up at me and smiled. we sat, hand-in-hand, and watched the sunset in silence.

"let's go home." i said.

"let's go home." he repeated.

so we walked to the other end of the beach, our bare feet making temporary footprints across the barren sand.

we collected our shoes and socks (which phil forgot about before i reminded him) and then we went on the train, but we were too exhausted to talk. emotionally tired or physically tired, i don't know. but we sat on the train hand in hand, trying not to drift to sleep. unfortunately, i epically failed at that because soon i woke up to phil nudging me at our stop. after a five minute walk from the train station we arrived at my house. i knocked at my door, and waited for an answer. i heard footsteps, and soon adrian answered the door.

"dan, i'm proud of you. i was surprised you even went out of the house, but i had faith that you would. mum thought you were kidnapped, but obviously you're okay. oh, hi phil! we weren't expecting you." adrian said. oops. i kind of forgot to tell mum that phil was coming. i'm sure it was fine.

"hi adrian! can you ask your mum whether it's okay for me to have dinner with you? tell her it's fine if i can't, i wouldn't want to butt into your family dinner." phil said. ugh, what a gentlemen. how the fuck did he like me? if i was him i wouldn't like me. what was this sorcery???¿?¿¿¿

adrian nodded and ran back to the kitchen. he shouted back to us saying it was okay, and we went in.

the dinner went smoothly. as i predicted, phil made adrian laugh with his cheesy jokes and he was incredibly polite to my mum. i had told my mum while phil went to the bathroom that we were dating now, and i could tell that the only thing that went through her head was "ideal son-in-law". which was good i guess, if also somewhat embarrassing.

as soon as we started the dessert course, it started raining outside.

"you boys just missed the rain, didn't you?" my mum said, looking out the window.

"good luck, i guess." i replied, focusing on my apple pie.

"or maybe the universe meant it to be like that." phil said. i looked up at him.

"probably luck." adrian decided, interrupting our moment.

despite my mum's protests, phil soon started to get ready to go, hoodie pocket still bulging with shells. i had put my shells in my room the minute we came back in, but poor phil had to carry them all throughout dinner.

"i'll count them when we get home and we can see how many shells we collected together." phil promised.

"or we could have a competition to see who has the most shells." i proposed.

"i gave some of mine to you, so that's not fair." phil said. i clicked my tongue.

"excuses, excuses." i said, shaking my head.

"are you sure you don't want to stay here for the night?" my mum said, concerned.

"it's fine, ma'am. i need to go home and do some things i was supposed to do this afternoon, but i was held up." he said, looking at me.

"you invited me!" i protested.

"i know, i wasn't blaming you. but it's fine ma'am, i want to go home." phil said. mum sighed.

"at least make me give you a lift." she said.

"it's -"

"phil lester, it is raining outside. i do not want your mother calling me saying i let you to walk out in the rain, allowing you to catch a cold! i know your address, let me drive you there. dan, adrian, do you want to come?" my mum said. adrian shook his head.

"sure." i said.

"good, let's go. adrian, don't do anything or you're grounded." mum said. ah, what a legend.

the second we got in the car, holding hands in the backseat, my mum showered us with congratulations. she revealed she had been shipping us since grade three, which made me confused and worried, and she said that she always knew i liked phil.

"mum!" i said while phil laughed.

"what? it was as obvious as day. even before you told us you were gay, i knew that you thought phil as something either than platonic. and don't laugh too hard mr lester, i always knew you liked him too. i'm just amazed it took this long for you to get together to be honest." mum said.

"well, we're both oblivious and nerdy, so that might be why." phil said. mum chuckled.

"yas, that is true. that's very true." mum said. we then chatted about music and literature, and before we knew it we were at phil's place. it had somehow stopped raining on the drive, but i was still wet so mum told us to be careful.

"thank you for taking me ma'am." phil said honestly.

"that's okay phil. it's been nice seeing you again. you're welcome at our house at any time. i'll let you two say goodbye." mum said.

phil got out of the car, making sure he didn't drop any shells from his pocket.

"make sure to count those shells," i said while getting out of the car.

"i will." he said with a smile. god, those smiles still killed me. i kind of hoped that i would become immune to them after finding out he liked me, but i was also kind of grateful that i was still susceptible to the magic of phil's smile. still, it was irritating that i melted any time he felt moderately happy. it wasn't fair, it really wasn't fair.

"you wanna go to the movies tomorrow? i heard there's some good films in the cinema." i said.

"sure. my treat." he said.

"nope, you're not paying for it. i refuse to let you. you can pay for something else, but i will pay for the tickets." i said. he opened his mouth to argue, but closed it immediately after.

"we'll argue about this tomorrow. i'll go -" he started, but i interrupted.

"i'll be at your place. at eleven thirty sharp." i said. he raised his eyebrows.

"would you really?" he said.

"i will. you'll be sorry you ever doubted me." i replied.

"have you done mr folium's homework yet?" he asked.

"nope. i'll probably just google the answers." i said.

"you're going to regret doing that." he said.

"i know. but for now i'm just focusing on the present and not worrying about the future." i said.

"that's a good quote for our relationship, not so good for maths homework. but fine, you do you. i'll probably just google the answers as well." he said. i laughed.

"you're such a hypocrite." i said, shaking my head. he smirked.

"i know. it's one of the things you love about me, isn't it?" he said. i raised my eyebrows.

"your words, not mine." i said. we stood in silence, both unsure of what to say.

"i should probably get going." i said, breaking the silence.

"yeah, same." he agreed. and there it was, that perfect silence yet again.

"i really like you." i began, but not sure of what else to say.

"yeah, same." he said.

and then we kissed again. it sounds so casual, doesn't it? but it wasn't, it really wasn't. my heartbeat sped up and slowed down to match his, my palms started sweating with nerves and excitement, and my lips curled as it struggled to fathom what was happening. i wonder if every kiss with him would be like this. i wonder if i would ever stop loving him just as much. there's still so much i was unsure about, but for now i'll focus on the present and i'll let the future come when it comes. who knows how much - or how little - the world has in store for the two of us? let's face it, i'm just a seventeen year old boy really in love with another boy in my class who somehow liked me back. but couldn't be seventeen? that's all i wanted to be. and there was nowhere to go if didn't start the journey, and right now we were only just beginning.

today was a vanilla softserve sort of day, and i love vanilla softserves. signing off,

daniel howell

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myhahnestopinion · 7 years

Text

The Night A TRULY NUCLEAR FAMILY Came Home: PLUTONIUM BABY (1987)

With the world’s arsenal of nuclear weapons being slowly, yet surely, placed under the collective hands of petulant, narcissistic, short-sighted nitwits, the threat of a radioactive Armageddon has once again skyrocketed to the top of anxiety-inducing concerns for the global community. Some would tell you not to worry about the ever-present existential threat of mutually assured destruction, insisting that cooler head will prevail, but their calm in the face of this terrible peril is perhaps because they do not know the true danger that nuclear destruction will unleash. Few do. Sure, the obliteration of most of the human race and the complete destruction of the environment would be horrible, but the truly horrifying fate that awaits us out there… is the Plutonium Baby.

Yes, Plutonium Baby truly is a terrifying movie. Like the Old Ones of Lovecraftian lore, Plutonium Baby is guaranteed to drive all those who merely gaze upon it to be driven mad, unable to cope with the existential crises it raises. For the rest of their life, the viewer will be haunted by the questions raised by Plutonium Baby.

Yes, questions like, “How the hell did this movie get made? Like, the people involved have seen a movie before, right? They know what a movie looks like, right? They know what a sensible story structure looks like, right? It’s pretty much impossible to go through life, and especially to be involved with film, and to have never been confronted with a reference point for what a story looks like, so, how, for the love of Cthulhu, does a film like this get made without anyone realizing what an absolute piece of garbage it is?”

Questions like those will haunt me for the rest of my days.

Plutonium Baby, like many films, begins with a bit of reading. Though, perhaps because of the screenwriter’s embarrassment at his apparent illiteracy, the words scroll by at break-neck speed, gone before one can make out but a few words. All I could make out was that, in 1965, a baby was born who “glows in the dark,” but such a plot point does not actually exist in the film itself.

We open on a young flannel-wearing boy named Danny traversing through a forest, a scene that holds all the production value of secretly shooting in your local park. As he frolics through the trees to the sounds of the one 80′s garage band that was desperate enough to loan this film their music, Danny stumbles upon a work site. The construction workers pause their digging to sit, and then magically disappear between cuts, giving Danny the perfect opportunity to investigate an unearthed barrel of toxic waste.

Yes, we are once again looking at a film all about horribly conspicuous barrels of toxic waste. You see, Troll 3! This is what happens when you just push your problems out of sight instead of dealing with them! It just means that someone else is going to have to end up dealing with it!

As Danny opens up the barrel, a black spot on his neck begins to rapidly inflate and deflate. There’s a blinding light, and Danny is knocked unconscious. Luckily, he is discovered by his grandfather, Hank Adkins, who finds the locket of Danny’s mother inside the barrel. “Everything is going to be alright now,” he says, as he cradles Danny in his arms.

I certainly wish I could believe Danny’s grandfather, but, well, we’re like five minutes into this dreck, and I’ve already been forced to rewind the film several times in an attempt to figure out what the hell is happening and also pause the film on multiple occasions so that I can stare blankly at a wall and question everything I’m doing in life, so, um, no, I don’t believe that everything is going to be alright now.

We cut, and are introduced to Dr. Blake, a man who we know is a doctor because he always wears his lab coat, whether at work, at home, or in a forest. A man in a black suit comes into his apartment and states, “I’m with the Organization,” the kind of non-descript introduction that sounds like someone trying to trick a store clerk into giving them a discount. This Organization man has some urgent news about a court case involving Dr. Blake being reopened. “Hank Adkins has found some new incriminating evidence showing that his daughter, Emily, was murdered by the organization at the power plant.”

One wonders how it has taken 12 years to find evidence of this fact, when, as Dr. Blake is being told that two witnesses corroborate Hank’s evidence, the film cuts to scenes of these two witnesses being gun down in broad daylight by the Organization’s men. The company apparently works under the mindset of “There won’t be any witnesses if we murder all the witnesses.” Though given the overall incompetence they have exuded in just their introductory scene, their efforts undoubtedly just created many more witness, meaning this cover-up will soon have to exponentially increase to murdering everybody on the planet if they want to keep this under wraps.

You know, I said that the people from Troll 3 were worse at covering up criminal conspiracy than the Trump Administration, and I regret that statement… but only because this is now my new low for most inept cover-up ever.

Back in the forest, we’re introduced to a group of teenagers ready to camp. There’s couple Brad and Wendy, and couple Ken and Diane. Brad and Wendy sneak off the campsite to have sex with their underwear on, the latest fad. Brad is bitten by a radioactive rabbit creature. Ken and Diane head off to have sex as well, but are interrupted by a spying Danny. Ken forgives Danny for spying on them after he realizes he once met Grandpa Hank in these very woods many years ago. Yep, as the saying goes, “Meet a random old hermit who lives in the woods with his radioactive grandchild once, and the two of you will be friends for life.”

Wait, that’s not a saying? Huh. Could have sworn…

The film gives us a few scenes to help develop the relationship between Danny and Grandpa Hank. First, we watch them struggle for two hours, a time-frame that they later brag about, to catch a four-inch fish, which Danny promptly eats whole. Then, Grandpa Hank helpfully teaches Danny all about consent after Danny grabs Diane’s breast when he first meets her. It’s a valuable lesson, even if Hank’s rationale is “women have different parts than men,” and not, “Holy hell, Danny, other people are human beings and you shouldn’t be touching anybody without their permission, regardless of bodily features,” but, eh, Dany seems to understand well enough.

The development of this dynamic is important because Grandpa Hank is, sadly, not long for this world. Danny decides to hang out with the teenager he sexually assaulted, which everyone agrees is fine. Hank simply reminds Danny that he needs to go to town later so he can deliver a “very important letter.” The letter, as it turns out two lines of dialogue later, is not in fact that important, as, when Danny walks away with the letter unknowingly in his pocket, Hank decides that it’s pointless to call after him. Well, the guy did exhaust himself catching that four-inch fish earlier, so let’s give him a break, shall we?

Dr. Blake and the Organization men, after discovering some forever unexplained dead bodies in the forest, ambush Hank outside of his cabin. Blake demands that Hank sign a release form while holding him at gunpoint. This is of course totally going to hold up in court because... well, do we trust the word of an old man, who lives in the woods alone, or this doctor, who has now killed or threatened all the witness against him in very public fashion? Obviously, we’re going to trust the man with a lab coat!

Blake demands that Hank reveal what new evidence has been revealed, because this was apparently not information that Blake wanted to learn before holding the man at gunpoint. “The locket,” Hank responds. “I found it in a canister which had been buried before you had that old research plant where you buried her body after you killed her with those lousy experiments.”

I had to rewind the movie several times, write that sentence down, and reread it over and over again, and I still have absolutely no clue what it means, let alone how this is evidence that this Organization killed his daughter.

When Danny unexpectedly stumbles upon this hostage situation, Hank breaks free to warn him to stay away, and is promptly shot in the back by Blake’s men. “Guess I don’t need this release anymore,” Blake says, tearing up the recently signed documents. You know, after yesterday’s movie, I do appreciate a villain who realizes he doesn’t need to fill out paperwork if his goal is to just murder the person. I just don’t understand why they were even trying to do this (semi-) legally in the first place, when their whole “murder all the witnesses” plan was, somehow, going completely smoothly.

But seriously... Blake forces him to sign the papers… then just kills him and rips them up… …I just… this movie is just trolling me at this point, right…? Like, it has to be…?

Danny runs away and alerts the teenagers to the murder. They all decide that Danny must be telling the truth because he has blood on his shirt, which is, quite sadly, the most sensible example of evidence this film has shown yet. The five characters run off, with the organization men in pursuit.

The characters flag down a van for help, but two men jump out from the van and kidnap Diane and Wendy. The van drives off, but the kidnappers are attacked by a radioactive decomposing woman. Diane and Wendy escape the van, and reunite with the rest of the campers. That’s a subplot! These scenes could be completely cut out and the movie would literally not change in any way. This blog would have worked just as well without even bringing it up, too. So why did I bring it up? Because I need you guys to understand just how much of a complete waste of time this film is!

The group decide to camp out for the night, and discover that weird lumps and growths are appearing on Brad’s arm. “Maybe it was something you ate?” suggests Wendy. Yes, yes, could be that. Could also be THE FACT THAT HE WAS BITTEN BY A RANDOM MUTANT RABBIT LIKE 20 MINUTES AGO, which is what Wendy ends up guessing the second time around. Said mutant rabbit is also captured by Danny after he starts a fire with his hands, but neither of these points end up being relevant.

There’s also tension in the group when the teenagers find and open Hank’s letter, apparently addressed to simply “The Supreme Court,” which details how Hank’s daughter, Emily, lost a child to her radioactive sickness. Ken and Wendy conclude that this must have been another grandchild of Hank’s. Brad suggests that the stillborn child actually survived and grew up to be Danny. Despite the fact that Brad’s conclusion is based on conjecture and a prejudice against people with birthmarks, it turns out that he is right. (DISCLAIMER: This Clever Blog Name Is Already Taken does not condone Brad’s views on people with birthmarks. Some, I assume, are good people.)

The story then hurtles towards a climax that’s just as nonsensical and unexplained as you would expect given the film so far. Brad goes crazy from the rabbit bite and kills Diane. The group returns to Hank’s cabin and are ambushed, because, well, duh. They’re about to be shot, when Brad shows up and kills some more people before being killed himself. Danny is held hostage by Blake, but then the radioactive decomposing woman shows up again, and is revealed to be Danny’s mother, Emily. Blake attempts to run from Emily, but almost immediately falls into a random toxic waste barrel wedged between some random rocks, and is sealed up inside, but not before Emily is shot and dies from the wounds.

And so, all our plot threads and mysteries are, more or less, solved. Well, solved, if you ignore insignificant questions like “What experiments were the Organization trying to cover up?”, “What is the Organization anyway?”, “Why did the Supreme Court not care that all of the witnesses were quite obviously being murdered?”, “Why did Hank write a letter saying his daughter’s son was still-born if he knew that Danny survived?”, “Why was Danny’s mother a radioactive monster, and who, if anyone, knew about her?”, “What was the point of the radioactive rabbit?”, and “Why was there a random empty radioactive barrel for Blake to fall into?”

Perhaps the most prominent question though is… HOW THE HELL ARE WE ONLY 40 MINUTES INTO THIS MOVIE????

That’s right. I’m sorry for lying to you, but that wasn’t actually the climax of the movie. We’re only halfway through.

Now, you may be asking, “Wait, what the hell do we still have to cover? The villain is defeated, half the characters are dead, and there’s no lingering plot threads (that the movie cares about resolving anyway, that is…).”

Well…

“You can come with us,” Wendy says to Danny. “To a place called… New York City.”

…

…You know, it took the Friday the 13th movies eight installments to completely run out of story, and resort to throwing Jason in Manhattan in a feeble attempt to keep the franchise going.

It took Plutonium Baby half of a movie to reach the same point of desperation.

Half. A. Movie.

It’s times like these when I really wish I could be the one who gets sealed into a barrel of radioactive waste.

Thankfully, the second half of the film is much more… tolerable, is perhaps the word… than the first. This may or may not be related to the fact that the intended 10 day shoot for the film was abruptly cut in half after the film’s original crew quit in protest and the director was subsequently replaced.

“10 YEARS LATER” reads an intertitle, before we fade in to footage of NYC. To my legitimate surprise, the film actually shot on location for a significant portion of this second half. There’s a dramatic pan up on a shot of the Empire State Building, the characters traverse Central Park, and there’s a montage of theaters, one of which was showing “Chopping Mall.” It’s a true testament to this movie’s awfulness that it makes me long for the cinematic coherence of Chopping Mall, much the same way many people found sudden nostalgia for George W. Bush after catching a glimpse at the latest President.

Danny is now a full-grown different actor, and has matured in many ways, including in his understanding of consent, as evidenced by his new relationship with a woman named Laura. After Danny wakes from a nightmare, the two have sex. The sex scene goes on for an excruciatingly long time, including several cuts indicating it’s even longer than we’re forced to watch it. Now, one may consider the length a compliment to Danny’s abilities, but given how absolutely awkward the sex is, consisting of a lot of rolling around with conveniently placed sheets wrapped around their bodies, flailing arms, and thrusting into thin air, I think it’s safe to say that Danny has exactly the skills one would expect for a man who grew up all alone in the woods with only his grandfather for company.

In a walk down a riverside, we learn a little more about Lauren and their relationship together. Lauren likes rivers because they flow past things and split into smaller streams. That is essentially just a definition of a river.

We’re also reintroduced to Wendy, now an aerobics instructor, in another excruciatingly long montage sequences of her training her latest group of employees. “I’m glad the three of us stayed so close,” Danny says when he visits Wendy at the aerobics studio. Wow, yeah, it is really nice that you’re all still such great friends 10 years later! Typically, when one bring a radioactive child with then to NYC after a scientist murders his father in an attempt to cover up a nuclear power plant disaster, before he is trapped in a radioactive barrel by the aforementioned radioactive child’s radioactive mutant mother, you tend not to remain a part of each other’s lives. That’s just the nature of time.

Speaking of scientist trapped in barrels of nuclear waste, we cut back to the forest, where two hikers stumble upon Dr. Blake’s barrel. Now, there could be plenty of sensible reasons why someone would end up opening a barrel of nuclear waste found in the woods. One might write a scene in which the EPA investigates the barrel, and opens it, unleashing Dr. Blake on the world again. However, if you don’t have the budget and/or enthusiasm for this rational series of events, you may go with the path Plutonium Baby takes, in which the hikers open this radioactive barrel because they think it would be a good place to keep their beer cold. To be fair, it’s not like a little nuclear waste is going to make beer taste any more awful than it already does.

And so, Dr. Blake emerges from the barrel, now a radioactive monster himself. He begins to make his way to NYC, instinctively knowing that Danny is there. Danny also knows that Dr. Blake has returned, the two sharing a telepathic bond due to the fact that they both are radioactive.

Just go with it, at this point.

As Dr. Blake makes his way through NYC, Danny struggles with what to do about a weird growth that appears on his leg, seemingly the first health complication that this irradiated man has faced in his life. “When you’re sick, you see a doctor,” Lauren pleads, once again proving that she is a character who knows the definition of words. However, Danny is afraid of Lauren finding out how “different” he is, and refuses to seek help.

After seeing an ad for Wendy’s aerobics studio, Dr. Blake uses a pay phone to get more information. “I was impressed with the blonde in the ad,” he breathes into the public phone. “And since I was working for a casting agency, I was hoping you could give me some… information…” Despite this caller not giving his name, the name of his casting agency, calling only from a public phone, speaking in the creepiest manner possible, and using the past-tense for a present-tense situation for no other reason than the screenwriter being illiterate, the operator gives Dr. Blake the requested information. Eh, it’s 1980s New York. They really didn’t give a crap.

So, in a sequence even more drawn out that Danny’s big sex scene, Dr. Blake stalks Wendy through her apartment as we watch her go through all the steps of making soup. Eventually, he kills Ken and snaps Wendy’s neck. When Danny discovers the body, he calls Lauren to warn her. This scene of Danny dialing the phone has six cuts. This film couldn’t even shoot a guy dialing a phone in one take. To be fair, it is a rotary phone.

Lauren tells Danny that she’ll meet him at the aerobics studio, but Dr. Blake meets her there first. When Lauren pulls off Blake’s sunglasses and hat, Blake informs her that she must die now, apparently concerned that someone might recognize his mutated, decomposing face. Danny shows up in time, and the two fight in slow motion on the rooftop. Danny chokes Dr. Blake to death, the only way to kill an undead, radioactive monster, but not before Dr. Blake literally just rips out a handful of Danny’s stomach, killing him.

In the film’s epilogue, Lauren now has given birth to Danny’s child. After struggling for a literal minute to grab a live fish out of a fishbowl, she feeds it to the baby whole, indicating that this child is radioactive, just like their father. Is this the Plutonium Baby? Was Danny? Was his mother Emily? Was Dr. Blake? This movie has too many radioactive characters. Some would say it has four too many.

You know, I don’t think I’ll ever be the same after having seen Plutonium Baby. Like a sudden, unexpected blast of nuclear radiation that penetrates one’s body on a subatomic level, Plutonium Baby has irreparably changed my very being. Like the blinding flash of a detonated nuclear bomb, the mere sight of Plutonium Baby imbues in one an inescapable dread, a deep existential crisis as one has to grapple with fact that this is it. This is a movie. Someone paid money to make this, enough money to shoot on location in NYC. Someone paid to release this. Someone okayed this for release. An affront to the simple art of storytelling, Plutonium Baby is unadulterated garbage, defined by its inept editing, illiterate script, and mind-numbing lack of logic. It’s the type of movie that makes you long for the sweet release of a nuclear apocalypse.

Plutonium Baby is available to stream on Amazon Prime, and is on DVD.

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#film #thenightxcamehome #halloween #plutoniumbaby #horror films #bad movies #so bad its good

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