#hit me like a brick with motivation if you please

[hottpinkpenguin]

Hey 😊 if your still taking requests for the peakys. Could I please ask for Alfie Solomons with A "ask me to stay" and D "dark secret" female reader. Thanks 💗💗

A/n: that's a wrap on Peaky Blinders requests from June!!! thx to all the lovelies who participated <3

The Wall Between Them - Alfie Solomons X Fem!Reader

Word Count: 2362 Content warnings: Domestic violence, reader murders the abuser, abuse, violence, blood/gore, protective Alfie, can't-be-vulnerable Alfie, trying-his-best Alfie, hints of soft!Alfie?

Her hands shook so violently it was a wonder she didn’t drop the pistol. If anyone had been watching the scene before them, they would have credited a guardian angel for guiding the bullet straight to his chest despite the treacherous wobble of the gun. Her eyes were closed when she pulled the trigger, tears streaming down her cheeks and mixing with the blood from her mouth. 

He fell like a sack of bricks. One minute he was lunging towards her, eyes trained on the pistol. A cold fear seized his heart as he saw the terror in her gaze melt away to black rage. All those whiskey beatings, harsh words and hateful years had backfired on him. Then, in the next instant, he died to the ear-splitting sound of a gunshot. 

The silence that followed was so loud she swore it would crush her. The walls around her seemed to be holding their breath. Was he really dead? Did she really pull the trigger? 

She didn’t let herself exhale until she saw a pool of blood - darker than she’d imagined it would be - staining the floorboards underneath him. She dropped the pistol; it landed with a heavy thud at her feet moments before her knees folded on themselves as if made of twigs. She pitched sideways, letting the hallway wall brace her fall as she deflated under the weight of realization. She knew in that moment that it didn’t matter how many times he’d hit her. The ghastly bruises and scars he’d left etched in her skin, the nights her mind had divorced itself from her battered body and wandered the halls like a ghost, the mangled monster he’d grown into… none of it mattered. All that others would see was a dead husband and a living wife with motive, means, and a guilty conscience. Even dead, that horrid man was imprisoning her.

She knew there was only one person who could get her out of this. And so, she wiped the blood from her rapidly swelling lip, picked up the pistol and slipped it into the deep pocket of her apron, and tied up the escaped strands of hair. It had been almost seven years since she’d seen Alfie Solomons, but she still knew exactly where to find him.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

“Boss, there’s a lady here to see you.” 

Alfie barely heard Jack’s murmured comment above the jeer of the crowd. The Irishman was swaying unsteadily on his feet in the pen after taking a nasty round of hits to his right ear. Alfie could see his ear filling with blood. A busted eardrum, likely. Circling opposite him, the burly Hungarian Alfie knew as The Red Devil was snarling proudly as he surveyed his quarry. 

“Fuckin’ finish him!” Alfie called out, lifting a wad of bills in the air like a signal fire. The fight was fixed of course, and Alfie had fixed it. The Red Devil was turning into quite a lucrative investment, but his penchant for theatrics was tiring to Alfie. He preferred a quick win, efficient and clean. 

“Boss?” Jack edged slightly closer, waiting for Alfie’s orders.

“Hm?”

“A lady, boss. There’s a lady here to see you. Asked for you by name.”

“Didn’t book a whore tonight,” Alfie replied simply, waving Jack off as The Red Devil moved in on the Irishman, holding the dazed man’s head as he drove his knee up into the exposed forehead until the bell rang to signal the end of the fight. The crowd erupted into a mix of appreciative cheers, boos, and cries to settle up or place new bets as another pair of fighters moved to the edge of the pen. 

“Don’t think she’s a whore, boss. Looks like a respectable lady. Bit beat up though.” 

Alfie fixed Jack with an incredulous stare. He wasn’t accustomed to his men pressing him on trivial issues like this. Especially not on a fight night. Jack flinched imperceptibly; he was well-acquainted with Alfie’s anger and bore a nasty half-moon scar the framed his left eye from being pistol-whipped after pressing Alfie’s limits. Alfie almost moved to strike him, until something about Jack’s words and the odd look in his eyes plucked at something. 

“She give a name?”

Jack shook his head, eyes glued to the ground. “No. All she said was you were ol’ friends. Childhood friends, I think she said.”

It couldn’t be. Alfie shook his head as if trying to shake out the thought. But, then again, there was only one person he’d ever met who’d claim him as a friend. 

“Beat up, you say?”

Jack nodded. “Lip’s split and she got a shiner.”

A memory flickered across Alfie’s mind. He hadn’t seen her in years, but the last time he had, she’d had a ring of purple and green bruises around her neck. She’d tried to hide it under a high collar dress, but Alfie had her pressed up against the wall of his office, their lips devouring each other, and he hadn’t missed the way she winced when he let his hand slide down the side of her neck on its way to undo the line of buttons at the front of her dress. He knew who’d done it and didn’t need her to say a damn thing. If she hadn’t begged him on her knees - her goddamn knees - to spare that pathetic man’s life, Alfie Solomons would have gutted him nice and slow. 

He hadn’t seen her since. She’d stopped writing, stopped answering her own front door, stopped going to the butcher shop below where Alfie kept a small apartment. He’d had her on every surface of that apartment, rabid with hunger for anything she’d give him. Then she’d just vanished. Told him she was due to be married, couldn’t carry on with him anymore. Alfie knew there’d been a silent request buried in her words. He’d heard her ask it with her eyes. Ask me to marry you, and I’ll leave him. Alfie cursed himself every day for letting that moment slip by like water on rocks. He wasn’t any closer to figuring out how to love someone now then he was back then, but in his quiet moments he wondered if maybe he could have figured it out with her, if only he’d been willing to take that chance.

“Boss? Boss, what do you want me to tell ‘er?” 

The sound of the bell announcing the start of another match jarred Alfie loose from his reminiscences. 

“Nothin’. I’ll talk to ‘er.”

Jack eyed him with surprise, but quickly smoothed the spark of interest out of his features rather than risk another scar from his mercurial boss. He’d never known Alfie Solomons to pause his dealings for a woman. Something about her must have been special. Jack followed his boss out of the smoky, cacophonous warehouse and towards the back of the building where Alfie kept his offices. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Alfie felt his fingers dig into the wood of his desk as she stepped out of the shadowy corner of his office and into the soft halo glow of his desk lamp. Her lip was split, blood dried on her chin, and one of her luminous eyes was swollen shut. Murder ripped through Alfie’s blood at the sight of her. 

“Before you say anything, Alfie, he’s dead.”

Her voice sounded different, thin and strained, like someone had scooped out her soul leaving nothing but an echo behind.

“He sure fuckin’ is.” Alfie was shaking he was so bloodthirsty. He couldn’t look at her and risk losing himself. How could it still be so fresh, he wondered, after seven long years?

“No, that’s not what I meant… Alfie, I-, I killed him. I shot him.”

A different man might have been horrified, or maybe even a little impressed. Alfie was none of that. Instead, he felt himself pitch forward over the lip of a hole of despair. 

His voice cracked when he ordered Jack and the rest of the boys out of the office. Once the door closed behind them, she sank down into one of the leather-backed chairs across the desk from him. Desperate to be close to her lest she splinter to pieces, Alfie rounded the desk to perch against its edge, stretching his long legs away from her in an attempt to give her space. She hardly looked up at him. 

“What did he fuckin’ do to you?” Barely more than a whisper. Alfie was glad the light was too dim for her to see that he was treacherously close to tears.

She looked up at him, shocked. Her one good eye gleamed at him. 

“Alfie, did you hear me? I killed him.”

He nodded, swallowing thickly. Alfie was full of tender urges and gentle feelings, but his mouth couldn’t seem to give them words or noise. All he knew was harshness and violence. It was the same wall that had kept him from reaching out for her hand and telling her all the things he felt the last night he’d seen her. Here he was, so close he could smell her lavender soap but his affection locked away so tightly and deeply that he couldn’t force himself to touch it even if he tried.

“Nothin’ he didn’t deserve,” he grunted brusquely after a few moments. He dropped his gaze, unable to tolerate the sight of her face bruised and misshapen. He noticed her hands were trembling in her lap. “What do you need, darlin’?”

She stifled a small sob at the sound of the pet name he’d reserved for her. 

“He’s still-... the body, I- I don’t know… I guess-”

“It’s done. Write down your address.” Alfie handed her a pen and paper, watched as she struggled to mark the street name and number legibly. Her knuckles were bruised, he noted with a twisted pang of pride and pain. She’d been fighting back, he realized. All alone these last seven years. And he’d let her. He’d stopped fighting to get to her. Let her close herself off to him. Let himself close off to her. And now, it wasn’t until she’d been pushed to the brink - maybe past it - that she’d come to him, and only because she knew that when violence and darkness was needed, Alfie could do it. But he couldn’t do the other things, the harder things. Like love her, protect her, tirelessly fight for her. 

She tore off the page and handed it to Alfie. He took it without looking at the writing, strode over the door and excused himself from the office. He thrust the paper into Jack’s hands. 

“Take care of it, Jackie. No loose ends, you hear me? I’ll fuckin’ rip you limb from limb if it ain’t done right.” 

He didn’t give Jack or the others time to argue or ask questions before he slammed the door as a dismissal and strode back to her. He reached for her, needing to feel her warmth under his fingertips just to prove she was here. She flinched instinctively, sending Alfie deeper into self-loathing.

“Do they know-”

“It’s done, darlin’. It’s taken care of.” 

Alfie poured himself a glass of whiskey, drunk it down in one gulp, and poured another. 

“Alfie…” 

Her voice was so soft and yearning it broke Alfie in two. He turned to face her. Gods she looked perfect. 

“It ain’t fuckin’ happenin’ again.” The most solemn promise he’d ever made. 

She recoiled from him as if slapped. It took him a half moment to process why. 

“I ain’t lettin’ anyone hurt you. Ever again, you hear me? I’ll fuckin’ burn the world and every hateful man with it, it don’t matter.” It was all Alfie could find the words to say. 

Finally understanding his meaning, he watched her relax in the chair. She eyed him without saying a thing, a strange expression on her face. 

“I don’t want that, Alfie,” she replied softly. “I don’t want any more death. I don’t want to see someone hurt ever again. I just… I just want…” 

Her words trailed off into the quiet. Neither of them knew where the end of that sentence would lead. The space between them stretched and morphed until it felt like an ocean separating them. Strange, that two people who both wanted so desperately to be with each other could feel so far away.

“Don’t set any fires on my account, Alfie.” She rose from her chair and walked towards him, taking the glass out of Alfie’s hand and downing the whiskey with a wince. “Just ask me to stay.” 

Alfie felt his heart run headlong into that same old wall that always kept them apart. Here she was, the only woman who’d ever mattered, literally giving him the words she wanted to hear. And all that Alfie’s tongue wanted to say was more promises of vengeance, of violence in her name, of destruction. 

She watched him struggle, her gaze even but tired. 

“Ask me to stay, Alfie. That’s all I need.”

The openness those words threatened to expose in Alfie Solomons felt like a lit bomb nestled in the cage of his ribs. He choked on the air in his lungs. Come on, you fucker, he thought viciously as he struggled to press back on the urge to run. 

She watched and waited. Each moment, her shoulders sagged a bit more.

“Stay.”

It wasn’t exactly what she wanted, and Alfie spat the word out as if it had poison between its letters. But was it close enough? 

Her heart thought so. She felt a softness take root there, a shred of hope. 

Yes, it was enough. 

She gave Alfie Solomons a soft smile. The way he crumbled at the sight told her enough about his feelings for her. Even if he couldn’t put them into words, she could see the love that she was so desperate to excavate from wherever he stored away the fragile parts of himself.

“That’s enough,” she told him sweetly, lifting a hand to cradle the side of his face. For the first time in seven years, she let herself relax into a man’s touch as Alfie’s fingers found hers…

[arlerts-angel]

—✮⋆˙ 𝐁𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐊 𝐔𝐏 𝐖𝐈𝐓𝐇 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐁𝐎𝐘𝐅𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐍𝐃, 𝐈'𝐌 𝐁𝐎𝐑𝐄𝐃!

✦ a/n: please don't romanticize this irl | armin is your jealous best friend | enjoy!! 😚

✦ pairing: armin arlert x fem!reader

✦ taglist: @ringsofsaturnnnn @dilfkentolover @ambassadorarlert @i-literally-cant-with-this

✦ warnings: cheating | coercion | ooc armin? | pet names: angel, baby, pretty girl | oral sex (f) | orgasm control | nipple stimulation | unprotected penetrative sex (piv) | amateur porn | creampie | you both send the video to your bf lol | reader is racially + bodily ambiguous :)

✦ word count: 985

armin hates your boyfriend.

he just doesn't understand what you see in him. he could treat you so much better... why can't you see that? if you won't take him at his word, he thinks, he'll just have to show you instead.

it wouldn't be the first time the topic of leaving your boyfriend came up in conversation, but it typically didn't get as tense until now. his hand gently caresses your thigh as he leans in close to you. he watches the hair on your skin raise at his touch.

his lips curl into a devilish grin. "let me show you how you could be feeling, y/n. you don't know what you're missing."

you knew better, in your right mind, but nothing felt more right than being this wrong. his hot breath against your skin and his hand sliding further up your thigh makes your pussy ache, further clouding your judgement.

"armin, we—"

"we what? shouldn't do this? no, angel. you shouldn't. but you want to, yeah? i can tell. just say the word." he breathes, tracing his fingertips across your inner thigh.

you sigh. he's right; he always is. he can read you like a book and you both know it. "one time won't hurt, right?" you think, then nod in agreement. "o-okay. just this once though."

he moves quickly to get you out of your clothes. he swipes his finger up and down your slit, collecting your sticky slick on the tip before circling your clit. "mmm. your pussy's so wet for me. you want me more than you realize, huh angel?" he taunts, moving his finger down to your entrance. he pushes his finger into you and pumps teasingly. armin lowers his head then flicks his tongue lightly against your clit, causing you to arch your back and buck your hips against his face.

"slow down there, angel... if i wanted you in control you'd be riding my face. we're going at my pace, understand?" you nod in agreeance, much to your chagrin. "good." he replies before returning his tongue to your swollen bud, this time with a bit more vigor. you reach down and grab his hair as a familiar flutter in stomach begins. "armin–! please i-i'm gonna c–! ahg!"

"what's that, angel? i didn't quite get that." he says condescendingly and lifts his head to look at you, rubbing your clit tauntingly.

"i'm close..." you breathe. he watches your chest rise and fall.

"really? already? your poor excuse of a boyfriend... he's never tasted your sweet pussy, has he? tell me... how many times do you have to fake it with him? when was the last time he made you cum?" his words hit like a ton of bricks. your boyfriend never went down on you but always expected you to. he used to make you cum early on, but admittedly the spark has faded. "your silence says it all, pretty girl."

he dives back in between your legs, licking and sucking on your clit hungrily and fucking two of his slender fingers into you. for the moment his motive shifted from proving himself right to making you feel better than you had in quite a while. his hand slides up your body to massage your perky tits and pinch your nipples gently.

"ah–! armiiiin–!" you moan as a rush of the senses washes over your body. your legs tense and shake as you ride out the height of your orgasm, slurring curses under your breath as you collect your thoughts. he takes a final slurp of your juices and you jolt at the sudden stimulation.

"felt good, yeah? i'm not done with you yet, though." he winks and presses his lips against yours. you unhesitatingly return the kiss, subsequently tasting yourself. you moan into his mouth as he teases your cunt with the tip of his cock. "hope missionary's alright. it's my favorite." he smiles and pushes his length further into you — hissing as your walls clench and suck him in. you shut your eyes blissfully as his cock fills you. he reaches besdies you for your phone and opens the camera.

"fuck, you feel so good." he groans, aiming the camera down at his cock thrusting slowly in and out of you and his thumb swiping your sensitive clit at the same pace. you open your eyes to see him with your phone out.

"you're—ah!—recording?" you ask, already stupidly drunk on his cock. "mhm. we're gonna send this to your stupid boyfriend. you gonna leave him for me aren't you angel? tell him how good my cock feels." he growls and thrusts into your pussy faster and harder.

he pans the camera up to your nodding head. "feels good 'min", you moan, "you fuck me so good. so much better than him." you look at the camera and armin groans.

"keep looking at the camera baby... just like that. fuck you're so pretty." he huffs, panning the camera back down to your pussy getting fucked.

"ngh–! gonna cum again-!" you mewl as your walls tighten around his length and your second orgasm washes over you. his thrusts become gradually sloppier as he gets closer to his orgasm.

"taking my cock so good baby. can't get enough. y'gonna milk me dry" he mutters under his breath. he inhales sharply and his cock twitches with each spurt of cum. "fuuuuck–take it baby, take it just like that." he groans as the final string of cum shoots out. he lets his cock soften inside you as he catches his breath, then points the camera at your pussy dripping with his cum.

he presses the button to stop recording then hands you your phone. he kisses you, then asks if you're actually gonna send it to him. the two of you send the video to your now ex, and not even five minutes later, your phone starts to ring.

banner/divider by benkeibear

[chaoticbardlady99]

Yesterday I Felt like Dancing (Astarion x GN! Reader)

Synopsis: You have burnt both ends of the candle and haven’t been taking care of your mental health. Unable to get yourself out of bed, Astarion begins to worry about you…

Author note- I have been hardcore struggling with my mental health lately and writing my silly little fics has been the only thing pulling me along. I thought it might be therapeutic to write about my current feelings (I have ADHD, MDD, and GAD so it’s a party up in here). I hope you enjoy!

CW- Suicidal Ideation, symptoms of depression, brief outburst, mentions of mental health diagnosis and poor medical advice.

Title inspired by song “Into the Walls” by Griff.

*not my pic, could not tell you where I found it so I apologize in advance. If you think it might be your picture, please message me so I can give proper credit.

Your last day before backtracking from the Mountain Pass to the Goblin camp is a difficult one.

Not for the group as a whole- just you specifically.

Days before a Mindflayer kidnapped you, a healer back home had told you your brain was sick. You had been devastated- resigned to your miserable fate.

You had been struggling for years at that point with inconsistent motivation, exhaustion, nightmares, and irrational thoughts for months. You have been functional for the most part, but then an overpowering wave will hit you like Warhammer in the ribs and you are rendered useless until it passes.

The healer suggested sunlight, exercise, eating healthy, and spending time with friends to help your affliction when you hit rock bottom. You were wildly unimpressed with her. At the time, you preferred to self isolate so you stayed by yourself in the woods trying to find peace there. You would have to let her know that her “going out and enjoying the sun” message is not always wise- you may get a tadpole shoved in your head. You can’t be that mad though- the tadpole helped bring your pep back.

Anyway, you have been doing all of that for weeks now, you even felt great, but today? You could not have hit rock bottom harder even if you tried.

You woke up that morning unable to get yourself out of bed. It was a rest day so it wasn’t a big deal, but you also know that your companions are going to have things they need to talk to you about and favors they need you to take care of.

Gods you had tried to get up. You are grateful that your past self had the gumption to wash off and change into clean clothes last night, but your armor is still disgustingly sitting outside your tent and your hair is long and wild. You had wanted to braid it, but it all felt like too much work.

Everything feels like too much work right now- even staying awake- so you drift in and out of uncomfortable naps throughout the morning. No matter how many times you fall asleep, begging for relief from the painful brick wall sitting on your brain, it never leaves.

You can feel the midday breeze rustle your tent. You’ve been laying here for hours now. You are crying and you honestly aren’t sure why. You feel completely paralyzed by all the things you need to do to be ready for the Underdark.

You need to clean your armor, go over the Goblin Camp’s map with Wyll, find Gale a magical artifact, and probably comfort Lae’zel since she’s been branded a heretic- but you won’t. The shame and self loathing continues. You are a silly, worthless little human being.

Every person who knocks on your tent gets a simple, “I’m just not feeling well,” and then they walk away. You don’t know why it makes you more sad than appreciative. If you were in their shoes- you would be bending over backwards to make sure they had everything they needed and you wouldn’t let them feel alone. Then you resent yourself for feeling that way towards your companions- they don’t owe you anything and you were the one who chose to help them- you didn’t ask for anything in return. This is all your fault.

The only person who hadn’t come to visit you was Astarion- which hurt your heart just a little, enough that the numbness coursing thickly through your body wavered for a moment. You are quite smitten and he is obviously not. Another mistake to add to the swirling black hole your mind has fallen into.

You knew it was stupid to want his comfort and affections- you had merely slept together a little less than a week ago. Astarion has been quasi avoiding you ever since and when he does talk to you- he’s awkward. You constantly look for flying pigs- Astarion feeling awkward or being awkward is unheard of.

You have come to accept that you were just some tryst and obviously he hadn’t enjoyed it as much as he said he did.

Astarion isn’t to blame and the situation itself certainly didn’t contribute to the sudden lack of emotions. You knew that you were on the verge of a mental collapse sooner rather than later, but you had foolishly hoped you wouldn’t be alone through it. It feels less all consuming when you try to find a reason. It’s more comfortable to know than it is to give up and say, “my brain is fucked and there isn’t a damn thing I can do so I guess I’m stuck here.”

You are jolted out of your thoughts by another knock on your tent.

“I’m sick,” you say flatly.

“Ha- you act like that will deter me. I can’t even get sick, Darling.”

Before you even have time to register that Astarion is on the other side of your tent- he pushes his way through the flaps and stares down at you in confusion. And… concern?

Astarion steps inside and kneels down next to you- scanning you for evidence of illness or injury.

“I suppose I had been worried for nothing,” he smiles sweetly at you, “you are totally fine. Come on Darling, you have to get up and eat. Wyll is fumbling with that map.”

You look at him and begin to cry. Astarion’s face lights up with alarm.

“What- what did I do!?”

“Please don’t make me,” you sob, “I just want a break. I’m so tired. I want to lay in this bed forever and never leave, but there is so much to do and it’s paralyzing.”

You continue to cry and you cover yourself with the extra blanket- successfully hiding your face.

“Go away,” you whisper, “I need to be left alone.”

You say it, but you are far from meaning it. You want him to stay- to hold you- but he doesn’t want you so it will only make everything hurt worse once the numbness fades away.

You wait for several moments and then you hear him leave. Your silent cry turns into choked sobs and your body is shaking from the pain you are in. The numbness hurts. The numbness tells you that you shouldn’t be alive.

Maybe you shouldn’t be.

Everyone here would be able to figure it out on their own (eventually) and you would finally be free. Free of your uncomfortable brain, free of your ugly body- free of the expectations of others. You would no longer be holding them back like you are today- like you will again in the future.

You are sure they would temporarily grieve you, but that was the deal with this whole journey. You had all accepted that one of you or all of you could die at any moment. You will just put them in more danger by being here…

You shake the thought from your head, violently- your head is pounding from the growing tension headache and dehydration. The tears eventually stop and you just… well, lay in bed again. You stare blankly at a book over in the corner. You keep trying to convince yourself to get up and read the damn thing- do literally ANYTHING else than just stay here in your bedroll.

Instead, you fall asleep.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

You wake up to someone knocking on your tent post. You grumble incoherently, covering your head and you hear your unexpected guest sit down next to you. The smell of food fills the tent and your stomach grumbles.

“You need to eat, my Dear,” Astarion says softly.

You are stunned to hear his voice grace your ears. You slowly pull the blanket down to just below your eyes and look at him. Astarion looks distressed, like he doesn’t want to be here. Why would he? You’re a nuisance.

You sit up gingerly and grab the bowl from him. You manage to give him a lopsided smile.

“Thanks. You don’t need to stay, I will be fine on my own,” you say apathetically, staring into the broth.

“I want to stay,” he says, “if you’ll have me.”

The expression on his face is unreadable, but he seems genuine. You nod, your lips pressed together tightly. You eat as much as you feel like while Astarion studies you.

Usually your anxiety is at an all time high (in maybe one of the better ways) when you are around Astarion- he gives you butterflies, butterflies, and even more butterflies. Usually your heart is racing in his presence, but right now you just feel empty.

“Where is your hairbrush?” Astarion asks.

You frown with confusion, “it’s in my bag, why?”

Astarion gets up and goes over to the bag- digging out a few items. He pulls out a lantern, your hairbrush, and a hair tie. Astarion comes over to you and sits down behind you. You feel him gather up the stray pieces of your hair and get to work.

Astarion runs his fingers through your scalp and your tangled hair- the feeling is soothing and it opens something inside of you. Your body shakes silently with sobs and you feel the worm behind your eyes wiggle as Astarion asks for access. You aren’t sure.

“I want to understand,” Astarion says, “please.”

His voice is so raw and desperate- you swallow thickly before allowing him to explore your current emotional state. The silence in the tent is palpable and you feel tense, uncomfortable even. No one has ever cared for you while you are in this state before.

You feel him continue his hairbrushing after he exits your mind. Astarion leaves soft kisses on your shoulder as he gently pulls apart every knot. It helps- you realize- to feel cared for. The numbness still hurts, you still hurt, but it’s nice to not feel so alone.

After Astarion is done brushing your hair, you feel his delicate fingers begin to intricately braid your hair. You wonder when he learned how to do hair.

“Leon’s daughter, Victoria, used to ask me to braid her hair all the time,” Astarion says in a bittersweet voice as if reading your mind, “I picked it up so that she would stop bugging me about it. She said and I quote, ‘you have the perfect braiding hands!’”

You smile to yourself tenderly, “That’s very kind of you, Star. I am sure she appreciated it as much as I appreciate it now.”

You feel Astarion’s hands falter at your words and you are unsure if you have upset him or not. A pregnant pause occurs before Astarion finally clears his throat and goes back to braiding your hair.

“I’m glad that I can help,” Astarion’s delicate, vulnerable words hang in the air, “I’ve… been worried about you today.”

You feel positively flustered and bad for making him feel that way.

“Oh you don’t need to worry about silly ole me! This happens sometimes” you make your voice chirpier than it needs to be, “This is actually the longest I’ve gone for a long time without this happening. I have theorized that the tadpole might help which is kinda cool- I think?”

You laugh awkwardly- desperate to ease his worry.

“How often does this happen?”

Shit. That was the winning question wasn’t it? Astarion will surely never see you as anything less than broken now.

“I’m not really sure,” your voice comes out in a whisper, “I usually always feel a bit of it all the time, but it’s manageable. I function very well regardless.”

“But this one isn’t manageable and evidently you aren’t functional right now.”

You sigh, “No, it isn’t and no, I’m not.”

“What changed?”

“Nothing,” you say, maybe too harshly, “that’s the part that drives me crazy. Yesterday was incredible- I was on top of the whole world, felt like dancing and screaming from the rooftops, but today!?”

You inhale and hold back the muted scream that wants to fill the air.

“Today,” you hiss, “I don’t even want to deal with any of this shit anymore. I’m so fucking tired. There is too much to fucking do and too many people depending on me. Then everyone gets irritated with me if I ask to push off their problems so I persevere through it despite knowing I’m getting bad again. I’m a giant stinking trash heap that everyone keeps adding more to.”

Astarion finishes braiding your hair and presses your back to his chest, pulling you into him. He puts his arms around your waist and settles his chin and face in between the crook of your neck.

“I just feel like such a nuisance all the time- no matter how hard I push myself to prove I’m not. Sometimes I think everyone would be better off if I just… went away.”

You both sit there quietly. At some point he had taken one of your hands in his and he was tracing shapes into the back of it with his thumb. Your omission still hangs heavily in the air.

“I wouldn’t be better off,” Astarion says hotly, “I’d be stuck with all these weirdos by myself. That would be truly miserable, Darling.”

You shake your head, a half smile on your face.

“And besides- you are not even close to a nuisance,” Astarion states, leaving a kiss on your cheek, “at least you aren’t in constant need of magical objects to eat or blood to drink. Oh and you don’t require a painstaking amount of searching to prevent you from literally burning everyone alive.

“Oh and did I forget to mention, we have not one, but two women who despise each other and follow hateful Goddesses which was a fun choice for whatever sick bastard twisted our fates this way.”

You laugh breathily, closing your eyes and letting the sound defrost some of your insides.

“What I’m saying is- I think you are the least of everyone’s ‘nuisances’, my Darling,” he says, squeezing you tighter to his chest, “despite how little you think of yourself. We ne- no, I want you to stay. I know everyone else would say the same, but I must emphasize that I would be horribly distraught if you disappeared. Hells I’d even pay to have you resurrected.”

You gasp playfully, your voice falling slightly flat, “You? The most frugal man I have ever met would pay 200 gold coins to ‘Strike thy name from the record’?”

Your impression of Withers gets Astarion to genuinely laugh- the sound vibrating in your chest. You lean into him and he guides you back to laying down. Astarion entangles his legs with yours as he holds you tightly- your faces are mere centimeters apart. You love the way Astarion smells- rosemary, bergamot, and brandy. You wish you could be wrapped up in him forever. You are still in pain- everything still hurts and feels too difficult, but right now it feels a little less heavy.

“I would throw bags of Gold Coins at that corpse out of revenge, my Dear,” he teases, “you couldn’t possibly think I would ever let you rest peacefully in your grave- I would be far too angry with you and unhappy without you to let that happen.”

You lay there and despite yourself, you lean forward and leave butterfly kisses along his cheeks with your lashes. Astarion scrunches up his nose reflexively and smiles at you. You plant a sweet, short kiss on his lips.

“Thank you Astarion- for everything.”

You close your eyes as he traces circles along your lower back. Your eyes begin to droop, and you fall asleep.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

When you wake up the next morning- you are disappointed to find that you are all alone in your tent. The heavy numbness is still there and you sigh. At least last night made it more bearable.

You look on the side where Astarion had been sleeping and find a note with a bottle attached to it. You pick it up and begin to read.

Tav,

Astarion had asked me about herbs for some relief regarding mental discomforts. I unfortunately don’t know many, but this is a mixture of St. John’s Wort, Valerian Root, and Ashwagandha. Historically, I know these have been used to alleviate emotional and mental pain.

Astarion didn’t tell me why he was asking, but I deduced it was you pretty quickly when he began shooing everyone away from your tent this morning.

I hope this helps- we are all here if you need us. May Silvanus light your path as you navigate this difficult time.

-Halsin

You sit in your own stunned silence for what feels like hours. Halsin knows and he wants to help? Halsin doesn’t think you are screwed or a nuisance? The man barely even knows you!

You are a bit embarrassed, but you can’t help but laugh at the image of Astarion telling everyone to leave you alone.

You open the bottle and a pleasant, earthy smell fills the tent. You drink the mixture (that definitely does not taste anywhere near as pleasant as it smells) and you do feel a slight bit better. Your apathy feels even more tolerable now. You will have to thank Halsin.

You slowly rise from your tent and look around. Everything is packed up neatly in the corner- your clothes from the previous day are folded nicely and you notice all the holes are sewn up.

You jump when someone enters your tent abruptly- the midday sun warming your skin. You turn around and Astarion is smiling at you, but looks nervous.

“I cleaned off your armor and your weapons,” he says awkwardly, scratching the back of his head, “I also packed up your stuff- as you can see. We have to start leaving unfortunately, but I’ll help you get on your armor like I usually do- I might still need help with mine though, but I can ask someone else if it’s too much for you right now. Lae’zel and Karlach offered to pack up your tent. Wyll and Shadowheart figured out the map- Wyll is going to be our ‘fearless’ leader for the day. Gale has some food for you to snack on while we travel- which you will be eating, by the way.”

Astarion is looking at you with a vulnerable expression on his face. He plays nervously with the gold coin in his hands.

You can hardly believe what you are hearing.

“Did- did you do all this for me?” You say with disbelief.

You never thought Astarion was capable of smiling shyly until he had admitted to you that you had been his first thinking creature- you certainly never thought you’d see him become shy twice in your presence.

“I did and it wasn’t a nuisance so don’t even begin to worry about that,” He walks over to you, gently cradling your face in his hands, “I hope this is all okay.”

You smile- the first genuine feeling of happiness you’ve felt in the last 24 hours gently sparks in your chest as you stare up at him. You get up on your tiptoes and bridge the gap between your lips.

“Thank you Astarion, this is perfect- you are perfect,” you are crying tears of joy, “this is the kindest gesture anyone has ever made for me. So just, thank you.”

“Of course, Darling,” he says smiling in between kisses, “I won’t let you lose to yourself. We’ll get through this together from now on- no more hiding.”

And for once? You actually believe someone.

-if you guys like this, please let me know if you would want a part two written from Astarion’s perspective.

Update- I did the thing you silly geese

https://www.tumblr.com/chaoticbardlady99/735969926279528448/i-took-all-this-love-i-found-and-i-hope-that-its

Tag-list: @spacebarbarianweird @domainoflostsouls

[farfromstrange]

Lizzi’s Valentine’s Special & Follower Celebration

Dear Everyone,

Valentine’s Day is just around the corner, and I thought, since this silly little blog hit over 1.1k followers yesterday, I want to give you something special.

First of all, though, I want to thank you. I’ve been on here since (and I checked with the archive) July 19, 2022. I can't believe that it has been almost two years. I started watching Daredevil after watching Spider-Man: No Way Home in December of 2021 and hearing Matt Murdock say, "I'm a really good lawyer," after catching a brick. So, I started watching the show, and that was during a time I was really miserable. Mentally and physically, I wasn't in a good place, but after watching Daredevil for the first time and falling in love with Charlie Cox as a genuine person and an actor, it felt like I found a reason to keep going.

I started writing fanfiction again, which I kind of neglected because I felt like this hobby of mine wasn't going anywhere. I wasn't inspired at all until I watched the show. If I hadn't, I probably would not have gotten back into writing and using it as an outlet for my feelings, and I probably wouldn't be where I am today. Thanks to Charlie's portrayal of Matt Murdock, and watching his interviews, I felt like I could do the things that I love again and follow my dreams. He's the reason I chose to major in English. And while I owe him that much, I owe you guys here on Tumblr and AO3 even more.

When I first posted here, I didn't think people would even be interested in what I had to say and write. But then more and more people started visiting my profile, you guys started following me, and it kept me motivated to keep writing, even when I'm miserable, and I sometimes only post once every blue moon.

I feel so honored that you guys chose to follow a silly little blog run by a silly little 20-something-year-old whose first language isn't even English (but made it her entire personality), and who chose to write about traumatized dark-haired characters portrayed by Charlie Cox. I'm overwhelmed by the love you continue to show me, and every time one of you chooses to reblog or comment on one of my works, saying that it resonated with you, I feel like I'm doing something right. I'm sharing my ideas, my own experiences, my wishes, and even my deepest, darkest dreams through my writing like it's a fucking diary, and you eat it up every single time.

I'm just so glad that this community exists, as chaotic as it sometimes is, and that you chose to stick around, even when I suck at keeping promises sometimes. You keep teaching me new things about who I am, my writing, and how important it is to put myself first. I don't know if you've heard it lately, but you guys are incredible and I appreciate the hell out of every single one of you.

Thanks to Tumblr, I made lifelong friends (especially looking at you, @blackshadowswriter) and found like-minded people that made me feel less alone. That alone was worth making this account and continuing to post on here.

You may think that I'm being dramatic, but for someone who has never really experienced the kind of validation this community gives me, I want to celebrate this milestone. It means more to me than I can even put into words. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart. I love you all so much! Please, don't ever forget how amazing you are.

That being said, I've got some exciting things planned.

The other day, I found a folder in my Docs titled "the vault". I completely forgot about it because I usually keep my WIPs in a different folder. As it turns out, I made that folder for fics that I originally never planned to post, or ones that I'd finished but wasn't happy with. It’s many, but it’s a few. Some are deeper than others. I also jotted down rough ideas and outlines last year that I stuffed in there, some of which I've actually shared with you but never started working on. Until now. And the contents of that vault are what I want to give to you now.

INTRODUCING: The Vault

6 stories from the vault. 1 bonus fic. 7 days.

I went through a myriad of emotions while I wrote these. For some, I actually bled my soul onto paper. For others, it was merely a brain fart that led to their existence. They're sad, horny, and at times angry, but some of those were originally written for me, and only me. Those that weren't started as a few sentences in a folder before I forgot they existed. Either way, I don't want them to catch dust. And I wouldn't want to share them with anyone else.

Starting February 14th, I will be posting one fic every day until February 20th. My “The Vault” works are Matt Murdock x Reader works, but I've made an exception for the bonus fic. I won't tell you what they are about, but I will give you a list of installments and what kind of fic they are so you know what to be excited about (and maybe which ones are not your cup of tea).

-> The number at the end tells you the date I will be posting it on, but I put it in chronological order as well.

INSTALLMENTS:

1. If You Need To Be Mean (angst, hurt/comfort) 14.

2. Mismatched Bridesmaid (fluff, smut) 15.

3. Weed Cookies (humor, fluff, cw: accidental drug use) 16.

4. the grudge (songfic, angst, hurt/comfort, cw: death of a parent) 17.

5. Halloween (Smut) 18.

6. I Want To Fuck A Priest (Smut, cw: priest!Matt) 19.

BONUS:

7. Now That We Don’t Talk (Part 2 of Is It Over Now?) -> Frank Castle x Reader (smut, angst) 20.

A few more words: You are free to send me an ask if you want to know more, but be prepared that I won't be answering in much detail. I don't want to spoil the fun. I would, however, not mind talking about them as vaguely as possible (if you’re interested).

Thank you all. For everything. And I hope you stick around to read these little gems.

With love from yours truly,

Lizzi <3

[shirajellyfish]

Hello! I've recently discovered your DCA fanfic and well, I immediately fell in love. It literally single-handledly brought back my FNAF hyperfixation- I know lots of people have already complemented your work, but I do want to say you deserve all that praise and that I find your writing style is just amazing. I have a lot of fanfic ideas- and while I still stuggle with constantly fluctuating motivation and describing things, your work has definitely been an inspiration! I hope you enjoy the fanart I made-

Oh. My. Gosh.

These are amazing!! I love these so much, thank you!!

Every single one of these is such a delight. Sundrop's biblically accurate smile as he fidgets nervously, hugs, Riley doing the cereal excitement dance with him haha! Lune being menacing, Lune having fun! Friends with the glamrocks!

And those LAST TWO oh my GOSH those LAST TWO. Those hit like a brick through a window, I am shattered and I love it! Not only do they look amazing, your interpretation of what's going through Sun's head in that moment is just [sound of my heart shattering] it's so good

If you ever write a DCA fic please feed it to me I will eat it

[cherrieflavouredheadcanons]

Hi guys,

Sorry for being away so long. Live hit me like a ton of bricks and I was still in the process of moving and changing universities.

But I'm finally moved out and applied to my new uni! Currently I'm working on my mental health (and love and deepspace would anyone ve interested in fics for it??) but I will also work on getting back to writing.

If you wanna help with that please send in some requests so I feel more motivated lol

[sxrvice]

cater.

lucas lee x (trans) todd ingram

wc: 3k

warnings: i haven't written in almost 2 years PUHLEASE bare wit me, breeding, cunnilingus, unprotected sex, cream pie,

i used the song "Cater" by Tink & 2 Chainz <3 love that song, i also have to give applause to thelovelyruin for giving me the motivation to write this shit - love her choso x yn stuff its great so go check her out

You’ve been on your grind and the way you shine, I’m fallin’ in love.

Lucas and Todd had been messing around with each other for about a month now, behind the scenes of everything. After his job in the movie industry went to hell, Lucas decided to focus on his skate company. Todd, on the other hand, ditched TCAD. He said fuck it to everything, and he was okay with that. The black-haired man spoiled Todd rotten with cologne and jewelry - Anything Todd asked for, he got it. The blond was attached to Lucas and didn’t plan on leaving anytime soon, not because of the money, but because he truly felt like Lucas cared about him. Todd loved him. Was head over heels for that man. Despite that fact… That Todd was harboring a secret from his boyfriend. 

Swallow my pride, no one alive is gonna separate us.

The two were lying on the couch together. Todd was on his back while Lucas was atop him. The blonde played with his noir locks.

“Babe,” Lucas called. Todd looked down.

“What’s up?”

“I.. Have a question.”

“That being?” One of Todd’s brows raised.

“So.. You know how we’ve been together for a month?”

“Yeah…?”

“A-and I’m curious as to why we haven’t fucked yet.”

Todd looked down at Lucas with his eyes wide and mouth slightly agape. He felt his heart begin to pump harder and harder.

‘What the hell do I say?!’ Todd’s breathing got heavier and heavier. 

“I.. I… Get off. Please.” 

Lucas slid off of Todd, looking at the blonde with a concerned face. 

“What’s wrong? Was it something I said?” Lucas’ hand went to Todd’s, to which the vegan pulled away and set it on his lap.

“I - It’s difficult.”

“How difficult? We’ve gone through some things, sure but-”

“I don’t want to talk about it, okay?”

Sit on your lap, I massage your back anytime you had a long day.

Lucas felt awful. Todd had been acting off ever since Lucas asked why they hadn’t gotten intimate in the time they’d spent together. He didn’t want Todd to think his body was the only thing on Lucas’ mind. Swallowing his pride that felt like a brick in his throat, he went into their gigantic shared bedroom. Todd lay there on the bed, back turned to the door. He flipped over slowly as his almond eyes met Lucas’ dark ones.

“Lucas?” 

“It’s me, babe. Look, I-I’m sorry about what I said earlier, okay?”

Todd nodded.

“It’s fine. I know you didn’t mean anything by it”

The blonde looked at him with such a sweet face. 

“Here how about this - I know chicks like it n’ all, but how about a massage? Does that sound nice?”

“Do I have to undress?”

“Well, no, but-”

“Okay then. Sure.”

I’ma kiss your neck, and I’m at my best when I got you standing right here.

The lights were dimmed, and Todd’s shirt was lifted a bit so Lucas could put his big hands to work. The black-haired man kneaded the blonde’s back, taking in every little dip and moe that dotted his tanned skin. His back was soft, like a chick, free from the scruffy hair. Lucas adored that. He loved everything about him. The palms of his hands pushed down and Todd let out a squeak and then a sigh.

“Hit a good spot?” Lucas chuckled.

“Mhm..”

“Good.”

Lucas continued his ministration, pulling out noises from Todd’s mouth constantly. “Feels so good, Luke..” Todd whispered. Lucas grinned.

“I bet it does, your back is so tense.”

“I wonder why…”

It only took a few more moments. Just a few. 

“Luke..” Todd turned his body just enough so that the two could make eye contact.

“Yeah?”

“Kiss me.”

I’ma cater to you. You’re the man of my dreams, I wanna fulfill all your needs, oh yeah.

Lucas had pulled Todd on top of him, setting him on Lucas’ lap. The black-haired man had put his warm hands on Todd’s waist.

“So little..” His hands rubbed up and down. Todd giggled.

“Tickles..!”

“Oh. Sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

“Kiss me, Lucas. Kiss me.” Todd’s eyes seemed to sparkle, like stars twinkling in the dark sky. 

Lucas nodded and closed the space between them. Todd’s lips were so plush and soft, comforting, it felt like home. Lucas could feel himself growing in his pants. Their lips moved in harmony - This kiss was fucking unreal. Todd pulled away, looking at him with half-lidded eyes, burning with his undying love. Lucas looked into them, those deep, dark, bottomless pits. He relished in them.

‘God, if I’m dreamin’, don’t fuckin’ wake me up!’ 

Todd closed the space between them this time. It was rough and desperate. The blonde’s fingers went to Lucas’ hair and gripped it. He couldn’t get enough, not yet. Not now. This was all he wanted. Fuck TCAD. Fuck Ramona. Fuck Envy. And most of all, fuck Wallace Wells!

I admire your hustle. Stay in your duffle.

Their tongues fought for dominance. Lucas liked Todd’s struggle. His tongue was smaller than Lucas’, by a lot. But that was okay. He loved how everything on Todd was small despite him being tall. Well, smaller to Lucas. By this point, his dick was rock solid. It was so hard it hurt. Todd felt the familiar ache of arousal. It shot butterflies into his tummy, feeling so good. But so painful. He wanted Lucas. He wanted it bad. Todd snapped back into reality.

“Wait - Wait. I-I’m not sure about this anymore…” Todd whimpered out. 

Lucas stared at him. All that was on his mind was how beautiful Todd looked with his face all flushed and pink, blonde hair all messy and sticking to his face.

“Okay. Talk to me, babe. I’m tired of you bein’ all mysterious and keeping secrets.”

Todd’s heart began to pound. The anxiety rose again.

“I- I.. Lucas I..” Todd looked down. He felt guilty. He felt so shameful.

“Todd.. Whatever it is, I won’t judge you for it. It’s okay.” Lucas’ voice was soothing and he meant every word. Todd nodded, taking a deep breath.

“Okay.. W-well… Well..” His voice wobbled.

Lucas put his hand atop Todd’s. That helped a bit.

“Look.. I feel really bad for keeping this a secret for so long…” Todd began to lift his shirt up. Lucas watched eagerly. Then it came. Todd had these two huge scars under his pecs. Lucas’ head tilted to the side, clear confusion written on his face.

“What? You’ve got two cool ass scars under your pecs? Why would that make me leave you?”

Todd’s face broke into a soft smile, a giggle leaving him.

“No, no you… Luke. I’m trans.” 

“Wait. You’re trans?” Todd’s face shrunk.

“Yyyess…?”

“Cool. It ain’t gonna make me love you any less. So what, you went from a chick to a dude? That’s cool. But, honestly, whatever. You’re mine and mine alone and nothin’ is gonna change that fact.” 

“Oh.”

“You still wanna feel good?”

Todd nodded.

“Are you sure you don’t care about me not being a… Biological guy?”

Lucas peered at him. He smirked.

“Pshh. Whatever.”

I like your skin on the tip of my tongue. Kick it like Air Jordan one’s.

Lucas twiddled with Todd’s nipples, enjoying every moan that jumped from his chest. Lucas leaned down and latched onto one of his pretty pink nubs in his mouth, swirling his tongue around it.

“Oh, oh!” The blonde whined.

Lucas pulled back and began to mark up the blonde's chest, neck, collarbone - You name it. Todd gasped and yelped with every bite. It hurt. But it hurt so good.

“Luke - I…”

Lucas pulled back, beginning to mess with his nipples again by pinching them softly between his fingers. 

“You what?”

“Touch me. There.”

“There?’

‘There, Lucas. There.”

Todd took one of Lucas’ hands, leading it down from his chest, down his tummy, and onto his clothed pussy.

“Please.”

Thought about you this morning, you look at me too long and that make me horny.

With every pump of Lucas’ thick fingers in Todd’s wet cavern, another noise left the blonde. He bit his lip and closed his eyes, laying his head back on Lucas’ shoulder.

“Lord - God, oh my god…” 

“You like that, huh?” Lucas purred into Todd’s ear.

“Yes, yes!”

Lucas pushed his fingers in further, making Todd’s back arch. He scissored his fingers to open Todd’s entrance up further, prepping him nicely. Whining and mewling filled the room, bouncing off the walls. For Lucas, though, the moans were reverberating inside his dome.

He pulled his fingers out and Todd whined, opening his eyes and looking at him.

“Why’d you stop?”

“‘Cause. I wanna eat your pussy.”

The butterflies went through him again.

“No one’s ever done that before… Are you sure?”

The skateboarder pulled the vegan into a kiss. Sweet, genuine kiss.

“Of course I’m sure.” 

With his legs up and over Lucas’ shoulder, Todd admired the man between his thighs with a hazy expression. He felt overwhelmed, but in a way that felt too good to let go of. Lucas, on the other hand, was ogling Todd’s lower half. Everything about it was just so… Mesmerizing. He began to plant soft kisses on Todd’s inner thighs, sometimes leaving a mark for decoration. 

“Don’t tease me, Luke…”

A breathy chuckle left Lucas.

“Why not? That’s the best part about sex, babe.” His hand began to rub his hand on Todd’s outer thigh.

“Ugh…” The blonde’s head fell back.

Lucas chuckled again before continuing to plant kisses.

Until he didn’t.

Lucas’ hot tongue swiped Todd’s sopping cunt, making the vegan yelp and close his thighs around the skateboarder’s head. Lucas found that to be incredibly hot. He then licked Todd’s pussy slowly. Agonizingly slow, but it was a good way to get Todd used to the feeling. His moans were like music to Lucas’ ears, and he craved more. He pulled his mouth away from the vegan’s pussy.

“I need’ja to open up your legs, ‘kay?”

Todd obeyed, his shy gaze meeting Lucas’.

“Good boy.”

Todd’s eyes widened and he felt his pussy throb at Lucas’ praise. He spread his legs further.

“Oh?”

“J-just… Go back down on me.”

“You’re missin’ a word there, sweetie.”

“...Please.”

“There ya go.”

This time, Lucas had wrapped his arms on the underside of Todd’s thick thighs, his hands set on the upper part of the thighs. Now, they were locked in place. Todd was stuck and would have to be at the mercy of Lucas’ tongue. Speaking of - Lucas went to town on the poor guy. He’d suck on his pearl, picking up the pace with his tongue, flicking it. He would tease Todd’s entrance with the tip of his tongue before shoving the hot muscle into the blonde. His taste was better than the finest of wine.

I’ma cater to you.

By this point, the sheets underneath the two were soaked with Todd’s juices. Lucas ripped so many orgasm’s out of the blonde that they both had lost count. 

“Hah - Lucas, please! S’too much - Oh!”

“Ouuu, if this is too much for you I don’t know if you’ll survive this dick, babe.” Lucas snorted at his reply.

“Ha ha, you find - Fffuck!” Todd’s sentence ended abruptly when the two fingers that had been working inside of him pushed up and hit a sensitive spot. One of them - But not the one.

“Oh, for fucks sake, Lucas, please! I want - No, need you! I’ve been good long enough, please?!” That plea was enough to flip a switch in the brute's head. He pulled his fingers out of the vegan, wiping them on the sheets. The clinking of a belt filled the room beside Todd’s panting. 

Off came the shirt. 

Then the pants.

Then the boxers.

And holy fuck was he huge. 

Todd gawked at Lucas’ cock. It had to be like… 9 inches, 10 maybe, all he knew was that the thing was ginormous and had zero hope it was gonna fit in his kitty kat. (Love what I did there, huh?)

“Like what’cha see, huh?” Lucas’ voice had snapped Todd out of his trance.

“I mean y-yeah but.. It’s huge!” 

“Mmm.. But it makes for more pleasure.”

I’m so glad to call this mine. I’d do anything to prove what you mean to me.

Todd hissed in pain when Lucas pushed past his puffy folds and into him. The pain of being stretched was unlike any other pain he’d felt before, and the only way he knew how to try and take his mind off of it was biting his lip and gripping the sheets.

Whimpers escaped the blonde, pitiful whimpers.

“You okay, babe?”

“No - No, it hurts, Luke..”

Lucas pecked Todd’s cheek.

“I know. But, you’re doin’ great. This your first time?”

Todd rolled his eyes and chuckled.

“Funny you ask that now..”

Lucas laughed softly.

“I’m just trying to make a little convo while you get used to me!”

The blonde smiled.

“Thanks. But, no, this isn’t. I… Got a little wild with a fan after a show and well… Yeah.”

“Oh. Eh, it’s not like I haven’t done that either.”

Their conversation soon ended because of Lucas continuing to push into Todd further, which made the man under him shriek. “Burns…!”

“I know, I know.” Lucas attempted to calm down Todd, peppering kiss over his face. “I know, but you’re doing such a good job. But if it hurts too bad, we can sto-”

“No, no! I-I want to do this with you, Lucas.. I’m not used to it is all.”

Todd gazed up at Lucas. His eyes spoke for him. The sincerity in his eyes, the trust - It was all there. Lucas nodded before continuing to push in.

Deeper and deeper until Lucas’ hips met Todd’s.

“You did it, babe. So proud..” He lent down and caputured Todd’s lips with his.

As he pulled back, Todd’s eyes fluttered open to look up at Lucas.

“M’so full Luke…”

“Sure are.” Lucas cackled, which made the blonde giggle a little.

“Let me know when it’s okay to move, ‘kay?”

“‘Kay.”

It only took 3 minutes. 3 minutes before Todd gave his permission to Lucas that he could move. The thrusts were soft and slow, Todd mewled from the sparks of pleasure that shot from his pussy and into his head. Never knew missionary could feel so amazing. 

“Oh, fuck you feel amazing…” Lucas groaned.

Lucas began to gradually speed up, their skin slapping beginning to resound in their room. Todd’s eyes opened and closed, he couldn’t decide to focus on how Lucas looked fucking his pussy or to focus on how good he felt. It was all too much. Lucas set his hand on Todd’s lower abdomen, thrusting in him hard enough to where he could feel the head of his cock poke the palm of his hand. A smirk went across his face as Todd made a surprised yelp.

“Didn’t know I could do that, huh?”

Todd shook his head.

“Ya do now.”

They went from slow and sweet, to rough-in-fuckin’-tuff. Lucas had flipped Todd over minutes prior into doggy and was going ham on him. Todd’s back was arched and he held a pillow with

his face stuffed into it, but even the fluffy pillow could stifle his deafening moans. Tears rolled down his face from the pleasure he felt when Lucas pulled himself out and shoved back in. A loud “SMACK!” went off when Lucas had smacked the hell out of Todd’s fat ass, leaving a red handprint in its wake. A loud groan left the blonde underneath him. Lucas chuckled.

“Oh? You like that?”

Todd nodded into the pillow. Lucas wasn’t having that.

“Nuh-uh. You gotta tell me you like it. Use your words.”

Todd pulled his head up, moans spilling out his mouth before he spoke.

“Y-yeah!”

“You mind if I pull your hair?” He was rough but he still cared.

“No - Ah! - No!”

One of Lucas’ hands went to his pretty blond hair and gripped it, beginning to buck into Todd quicker.

“Fuck, M’gonna cum!” 

That sounded like heaven to Lucas. To have his drop-dead gorgeous boyfriend’s pussy spasm and contract around his dick was true heaven. 

“Cum, cum on my dick, baby.”

Lucas pulled his hand out of Todd’s hair and trailed it hurriedly under Todd’s stomach, reaching his clit and rubbing it quickly which made Todd 

“Cum, y’know you wanna - Cum on my dick, babe!”

And did he cum. 

Todd cried out as he felt the white hot ecstasy shoot throughout his entire body. He babbled Lucas’ name as he came and strangled the sheets while clear liquid fell down his thighs and soaked the bed. Lucas’ continued to thrust, overstimulating Todd - But it was okay. That pain hurt so good.

Lucas felt the knot in his stomach coil as he fucked the blonde, creaky moans leaving him as he looked back at the black-haired man. 

“Shit, shit - Okay, where do you want it babe?” 

Lucas fought back his orgasm by biting his lip and looking away from Todd’s face. It tore him apart to, though, because god did that vegan hottie look hot. His eyes were hazy, face bright red and his hair stuck to his face from sweating. His jaw was slightly agape, drooling onto the bed a little. 

“In… Side..”

“What?”

“Inside!”

“But won’t that-”

“I said inside!”

Lucas chose not to question Todd anymore and locked eyes with Todd again as he felt his balls tighten and cock twitch, spilling his hot cum into Todd’s awaiting pussy. He came with a loud groan, Todd sighing happily as his boyfriend painted his walls white.

Lucas pulled out, and pulled Todd’s ass apart to see the mess they had made.

“Jeez, you’re gonna need a bath.”

Todd chuckled and rolled his eyes.

“You’d better help.”

I’ma cater to you.

After their shared shower and changing the sheets, the two were under the covers in the dark while the TV played some random movie.

“Luke?”

“Hm?”

“Thank you.”

Lucas kissed Todd’s forehead.

“You’re welcome.”

[thunderous-wolf]

Drunk Dazed

Installment 2 of my series of "Thoughtz"

Note: "Thoughtz" is a compilation of

drafts of fanfic that l've had in my notes

for a while. They're unedited and most are

unfinished. Since I do not feel motivated

enough to finish them, I'm posting them

all for you to read. Enjoy~

Greyscale

Part 3 of 3

Pairing: Bangchan x fem!reader

Plot: You find yourself in a strange world...

Warnings: its supposed to be a little confusing, violence, guns and shooting, tazers, death, really bad jokes

a/n: This was a goofy project inspired by

a friend that consists of three separate

stories tied together. Just like a dream.

they don't have a clear plot and are

strictly for fun.

Please DO NOT copy, translate or steal

my works.

Part 1 // Part 2

You rushed to the edge of the stage - however, it had other plans for you. The curtains were being drawn, and at their speed, there was no way you'd beat them. You collided (gracefully) into the billowing curtains. Even though they were movable, they did not let you pass to the audience. Instead, it pushed you towards upstage.

The spotlight was no longer fixed on the table, but instead, a door. You recognized it. It was the steel door that you encountered in the beginning of this mess. Perhaps it would lead you home?

You reached out for the handle of the door. This was the third and hopefully final door of your adventure. A pensive feeling crept over you as you grabbed the handle. As expected, it was cold to the touch. You twisted it and tried to pull open the door. However, it required more strength than you thought. You tried again and were successful, except the force of the door closing was greater than yours. With this, you were thrown (quite literally) into your new surroundings.

You found yourself in a hallway. The hallway outstretched a little ways to both your left and right. It was stark white just like the door, and reeked of cleaner used to thoroughly clean something. By the pungentness of the smell you could tell they had to use the cleaner several times. Just what exactly did they need to clean so often?

In front of you was a door slightly ajar. You could hear a harsh conversation coming from within. With nothing else to do, you decided to eavesdrop.

"You lost the files?!" A commanding male voice rang out.

"I'm sorry sir, he just appeared out of nowhere and caught me off guard! I-It won't happen again - I swear!" A younger sounding voice spoke.

"You're right, it won't happen again. Because you won't get the chance to."

BANG

You gasped when you heard the gunshot sound. After hearing the thud of presumably a body hitting the ground, you didn't think before you ran. You didn't care if they heard your footsteps echoing down the hallway. As long as you were far enough away...

As you rounded the corner to the next hallway, you heard a door slam open and many footsteps ascend into the previous hallway. Ahead of you was a big red exit sign. Through the small window on the door, you saw a small balcony similar to one on an old brick apartment. Knowing it was your only chance of escape, you ran to the door and didn't hesitate to go through it.

Thick city air met your lungs as soon as you were outside. You were standing on a balcony that went in three directions stretching over an old apartment complex in what seemed like an abandoned city. There was a path to your left that went on for a little bit until it changed into a stairs that climbed up the building onto another level. Another path continued straight ahead of you across a parking lot and to another old apartment complex. The path to your right kept on going until the end of the building where it suddenly ended. It looked like something crashed into the side of the building and ripped the end of the metal balcony clean off. There was a good 50ft drop from the rail to the ground, so it would be a bad idea to fall.

Abruptly, you were reminded of the dire situation. Mindlessly, your feet began to run in whatever direction you were facing - which happened to be towards the right. There was no time to turn around, as the men from earlier would surely catch you. You took a big breath, nearing the end of the balcony, and hoped you would land on something, anything. You got ready to jump, when suddenly an arm grabbed you. You were pulled by a firm hand on the small of your back into something warm.

Opening your eyes, you see that you're pulled flush against a man's chest. Looking up, you see a familiar face once again.

"Where do you think you're going, Agent y/n?" He said in a hushed voice. His small dimpled grin drew in your focus like a magnet - which was a good thing, because if you remembered how close you were to him you would have definitely had a heart attack. Before you could respond - though, you didn't know what you'd say if you did - the door to the balcony was abruptly opened and out rushed several armed men.

From where you were, they could not see you. You were hidden behind a large pillar-like thing that jotted out two feet and hid you from view. You were standing on a small ledge that wrapped around the building. It seemed as if these buildings were old enough that the ledge could crumble, but that was lower on the list of things running through your mind.

"Where'd she go? Spread out and search for her! You. Go that way. You three check the ledge and see if she jumped. The rest of you with me to the main building! We can't let her escape!" An authoritative voice said from not too far away.

You held your breath as the footsteps got closer. They wouldn't notice you if they just looked from the edge of the rail. But if they peeked around the overhang...

"I don't see any evidence of her jumping. There's nothing for her to land on, and a fall would kill her from this height."

"Let's go back and search the area."

At that they turned around and went back towards the center balcony. The breath you'd been holding that time was finally released. You looked up at the man with you. You were still trapped in his grasp, and with his muscles, there's no way you could wriggle free without falling. He noticed you staring and smiled.

"Hey, the time for ogling is later. We need to get outta here." He said playfully. He then let you adjust over to the right of him so he could lead the way out - which happened to be continuing on to the next side of the building. Thankfully, the ledge was two feet wide so you didn't have to worry too bad about falling. "Follow me."

Still rather shaken from your previous proximity to him, you wordlessly follow his lead. He was moving quite fast for being so high up in the air, but then again, he did talk to you like you were an agent of some sort... Agent or not, you had to catch up. He had already rounding the corner of the building.

Vzzzzzzzzzz- Pk!

After carefully climbing around the corner, you see that he had shot something between a zip line and grappling hook across the empty highway and to the lowest level of the building across from us. He was hooking on a handle when a bunch of enemy recruits appeared on the other side of the building.

"There they are! Seize them and get the files at all costs!" The one in front said. At this, an onslaught of people came charging at you. This would have been easy if you actually were an agent, but obviously you're not, and without a gun you had nothing to do but stay out of your fellow agent's way. Which wasn't a problem because he was handling himself perfectly fine. He was taking on the goons like he's done it since birth, his agile movements making it look all too easy.

It was all going smoothly until you noticed a shadow coming from above you. On the rooftop was a hit man holding a very expensive looking gun that was aimed right at your partner. There was no way he'd notice as he was focused on the fight infront of him. You had to do something.

"HEY! There's a guy up there aiming a gun at you!" You yelled. But your efforts were in vain. He didn't hear you over the shouting of the goons and remained where he was. You closed your eyes and hoped he would somehow move from the bullet's path.

BOOM!

Klunk

A piece of metal falls by your feet and startles you from your terrified stance. Peeking your eyes open, your heart skips a beat when you find that your partner is still very much alive and well. You gazed back up at where the hit man was and see that he's doubled over on the edge of the building, a bullet hole in him instead of your partner. At your feet lay his gun, a little dented, but probably still working. You pick it up in hopes that you could use it to help your friend.

"Don't fire it, it has a defense mechanism. Hand it to me, quickly!" He said suddenly. You had no clue how he knew what you were doing, but you did as he asked and handed him the gun. He took it and used it to shove the next few ruffians, making them topple into each other. He then pushed a button on the gun and backed away. Immediately, the gun sent out massive electrical charges that electrocuted the pile, since they were all wearing something metal.

Smirking, your partner turned to you.

"They gotta taste of their own medicine, yeah?" He remarked more to himself than you. "That should take care of them for a little while." Then he turned to face the street. "Nice shot, but you could've been quicker!" He yelled.

"Well, I was gonna say a sniper joke, but it was a long shot and I don't think it would hit the target audience." A familiar voice responded from across the street. You looked to your partner to confirm that you weren't imagining things and he wasn't actually talking to a building. With an eye roll, he looked back at you and pointed to a window. Squinting, you could see a silhouette leaning against the window frame.

"That's Agent Chaconne. Once you get over to the other side of the street, she'll give you the chip reader."

You glanced back at the figure in the window, then at your partner- who was motioning you to get on the zip line and get a move on it. For some reason, you felt that you could trust your new ally. You reluctantly grabbed the handle of the zip line and zoomed across the desolate street.

It was kind of fun zooming above the road. Besides the fact that there are who knows how many people out there trying to kill you, this was pretty enjoyable. You were almost at the end when a bullet flew by your head, ruining the mood. You began to freak out when you realized you were a sitting duck while on the zip line. You frantically looked around to try to see what's going on. Your partners were already a step ahead of you. One was already countering the new wage of goons, while the other was shooting like no one's business, sniper shots whizzing around you.

You finally made it to the end zip point and let go of the handle. You landed by the entrance of an alleyway. You quickly ran around the corner of the nearest building to cover yourself from fire. Supposedly, Agent Chaconne was going to find you and get the chip reader. Seeing as she was quite busy currently, you didn't expect that to happen anytime soon. You crouched in your hiding spot and decided to wait for her to find you.

It was hard to hear over the constant shooting. So much so that you didn't notice someone approaching you until he was 30ft away from you. Realizing this, you got up and ran down the alley. He was faster than you though, and it wouldn't be long until he caught you. Nonetheless, you kept running.

Out of the corner of your eye, you see something moving on the metal stairs above you. You see a brief flash of light reflect off the brick walls and glance back to see what it was. The man chasing you earlier was laying face first on the ground. Agent Chaconne was standing a little ways behind him holding a fancy looking tazer gun.

"Guess he found that one shocking, eh?" She quipped. Seeing that you didn't find her joke very funny and were more terrified than anything she swiftly changed subject. "I'm sure he already told you, but I'm Agent Chaconne." She said as she pulled down her mask to show you her face. A wave of realization hit you - it was Lisha! That's why she seemed so familiar. "Here's the chip reader. Don't break it, it's the only one I brought." She extended her hand to reveal said object. You grabbed it and stuffed it in your pocket.

"What do I do with these?" You asked, motioning to the two items given to you.

"If you go down the alleyway a little ways, there should be a narrow offshoot ally to your right. It's not very long, and at the end there's a door to a passageway. Go through that door. After that, you'll be able to figure it out."

Figure it out?! What did that mean? Before you could ask, she was already telling you to go. You had one question that needed answered though. What about your male partner? Was he coming with? Lisha seemed to know what you were thinking as you looked back to the building you once stood on. He was still fighting people up there, seemingly never growing tired.

"He'll be joining us shortly. He's just-"

"HE CUT THE ROPE!" You exclaimed. The zip line that once stretched across the street was now sagging on the ground.

*sigh* "That man. Always wants to leave with a BANG." She said, chuckling to herself at some sort of inside joke. You didn't quite find it funny how he was gonna get himself killed.

"He's gonna DIE?!" You anxiously shrieked. This, she seemed to find even funnier than her previous joke.

"Pffffft! Die? No, he's too stubborn for that. Now get a move on it, before someone else finds you." She said with sudden authority. Seeing your hesitancy, she added, "Don't worry, I'll watch after him. He won't die as long as I have something to say about it."

You then reluctantly turned around and headed towards the end of the alleyway. Surely enough there was indeed a side ally. Just as you start to turn down the ally, you hear a loud boom and a bunch of old cement crumbling to the ground. Out of the corner of your eye, you see part of a building fall down. You decide to keep going, even though your heart wanted to turn back to make sure everyone's alright. You reach for the doorhandle, feeling a bit of deja vu once again. You pull open the door and hear an agitated "CHRI-" in the background. But the word was never finished before you were sucked inside the door.

You startled from your slumber and found yourself now back in your beloved house. Had that all just been a dream? It all had felt so real, the adrenaline running through your veins and the wind in your hair. Was that man all just a vision in your head too?

THE END

[hockeyblogg]

Not Enough - F. Andersen

I'm afraid to say i'm officially back so i'm not going to :| however, I have been getting more inspired to write and I have a few works that i've been wanting to post.

this drabble is full of angst which is something i've been writing a lot more...and before you say it, No...this isn't a self indulgent fic lol. It's simply something I thought of when I gained motivation while watching kdramas

in whatever way you take this, i just hope you enjoy it :) it's been a while so forgive me...

Fred walked in your shared apartment, placing his keys down and wiping his forehead to rid himself of the sweat he still produced from practice.

He would have showered at the arena, but he hoped you’d be willing to shower with him when he got home, seeing as you both haven’t had too much time for each other in the last two months due to your new promotion at work and the Canes being in the playoffs, and now that it’s the weekend and you’re both free for the first time in what feels like forever, he’s been a little excited to spend some quality time with his girlfriend.

You on the other hand, had just finished packing an overnight bag and are now sitting on the edge of your bed, tears now dried on your cheeks with new ones threatening to leak over your eyelashes.

You knew your and Fred’s relationship was on the rockier side for awhile, barely seeing each other despite living together, having little to no time to say more than two words to each other. You knew it was getting to Freddie, but you also hoped that you’d pull through, like you always do.

You didn’t expect this.

“Hey elskede.” Freddie’s words made you jump, quickly turning your head to look up at his figure entering the room.

Freddie’s smile turned down, a look of concern washing over his face upon seeing your dried tears and red eyes, “What’s wrong baby?”

You could practically scoff at his audacity.

“Why don’t you ask Brady, you two seem to have gotten awfully close lately.” You mutter bitterly, wiping your nose and cheeks with your sleeve

Freddie’s heart stops for a second,

no…there’s no way you found out…

“Elskede, what are you talking about?” He’s playing dumb, he knows he is, but in his defence, he never thought you’d ever find out.

“Freddie please, the last thing I need right now is for you to lie to me, I already know…I just-I need to hear you say it.”

You’re practically falling apart in front of him, the news hit you like a ton of bricks, and you don’t know if there’s any hope for your relationship after this.

“Let me explain…” Fred started but paused when you closed your eyes and sighed defeatedly

“W-we were going through a tough spot in our relationship a-and I didn’t know what to do, when you said you couldn’t attend Mitchy’s wedding I was even more frustrated, and the guys wanted me to loosen up so-”

Catching his words, you cut him off, “Woah, wait-wait!”

Freddie stops.

“You mean to tell me…that this has been going on since Mitch and Steph’s wedding?!”

Realizing his mistake, Fred can’t say anymore, knowing he fucked up.

It made since now; the arguments about his lack of free time, the last minute “new year’s trip” to see his family, him being way busier this time around the playoffs than usual, having a newfound understanding of all your late-night workdays, his late evening workdays where you assumed practice ran later than usual…

���Oh my god…I’m such a fucking idiot!”

You couldn’t take it anymore, you gather your things and sling your bag over your shoulder, a fresh set of tears flowing freely

Fred moves fast, grabbing your upper arm, “No please, elskede you can’t-”

“I can’t leave? Not only did I find out you cheated on me, but I find out it’s been multiple times, since Mitch’s wedding which was what, in July? It’s fucking April you piece of shit!”

You push him off you and rip your arm from his grasp, “So yeah, I think it’s safe to say I’m allowed to leave you.”

Tears are gathering in Freddie’s eyes, and he finds himself losing control of his breathing, “Please, I’m sorry baby, don’t leave, I’ll fix this.”

He follows you out of the room, and as soon as you open the door, he smacks his palm against it, slamming it back shut

“Fred, move!”

You aren’t in the mood for games, but Fred isn’t willing to give you up this easily

Taking a deep breath, you will yourself to look in him in the eyes, almost breaking at the fact they’re even redder than yours, but you remind yourself this is his fault, he did this to you both,

“Just…tell me one thing…”

He puts his full attention on you, reaching to hold your hands in his

“Were they different every time, or is it the same person?” You’re honestly scared of the answer, not sure which one will make you break more. If it’s multiple, then there’s something he’s missing that you guys no longer have in your relationship, but if it’s just one girl, then there’s something he’s missing within you.

He’s quiet, and you’re searching his face for any sort of hint or giveaway. When his face drops, you have it.

“Well…” you muster all of the strength you have inside you, “I hope she was worth losing everything that we had, everything I sacrificed to build this life with you, a life that was so easy for you to throw away.”

You shake his hands off you, ripping the door open and leaving him for good, “Goodbye Freddie.”

Fred falls to his knees as soon as the door closes, letting out everything he was holding in.

“FUUUCK!!” He grabs the shoe rack in the closet, tossing it to the living room and hearing a loud crash to which he pays no mind, it doesn’t matter anyway.

Nothing matters anymore, he’s lost you for good and it’s nobody’s fault but his own. He knows he can only call one person right now, someone he knows won’t be upset with him, someone he knows he really shouldn’t call, especially right now. But Freddie is in love, or at least, that’s what he thinks.

Freddie is simply infatuated, he’s in love with the idea of what is, and honestly, what better way to take his mind off you than to call the one person he knows can do just that.

Picking his phone up, he swallows back all the guilt and sorrow he’s feeling right now,

“Hey Anna, you should come over…”

[kasagiggles]

HIHIHIIIIII I've been following your blog for a while, and I'd like to say I love your writing SO SO MUCHHH <3

(Im new n idk if I'm pressing the correct button or not help-)

Anw, can I request a fic with lee! Tsukasa?(Ilovehimsomuch) and maybe with ler! Kaito (don't blame me he's such a father) or just anyone else that you like!

I'm not forcing you so pls don't feel pressed! Take caree, I can't wait for more of your amazing post! ❤❤

HELLO!! 🩷

first of all i just wanna say i am so sorry for how long this took!! i finally pulled together some motivation and got it done and i thought this was so fun to write!!! i love kaito and tsukasas father son relationship sm 😞

and also welcome to tumblr!! tbh i still don’t know how to use this app but oh well! i love this community

i hope you like it!! :3

warnings: tickles!!! ☆

lee: tsukasa

lers: rin, len, kaito

his sekai was always a place he would visit when we was feeling under the weather. the bright colours and happy atmosphere always cheered him up. but today just didn’t feel the same. he dragged his feet, looking for someone to talk to. he stopped when he noticed that familiar blue haired figure, kaito.

maybe kaito would be able to help him.

“kaito…?” he approached the tall man. he was greeted with a friendly smile like always.

“tsukasa!! what brings you here today?” kaito had a sense that something was different, tsukasa wasn’t the same today.

“i just… needed an escape.” he muttered, avoiding eye contact. kaito hummed.

“how about a hug?” he smiled, opening his arms wide, inviting the boy warmly. tsukasa didn’t hesitate, immediately going to hug the blue figure. kaito always had the most healing hugs. tsukasa could never deny an embrace like that, for it made him feel so warm inside. normally when kaito hugs tsukasa, he can begin to feel the troubled boy loosen up his body, as the tension melted away. but this time, he was still as stiff as a brick. a simple hug wouldn’t do him any justice. kaito closed his eyes, thinking of ideas as he continued to hold him in his arms. and then it hit him.

“can you wait here for just a moment?” he gently pushed tsukasa away, firmly holding his shoulders. tsukasa replied with a gentle nod, sighing. kaito quickly made his way towards the stage.

“rin? len?” he called, searching for the twins. he was quickly greeted with two friendly faces.

“what’s up kaito?!!” rin cheered, her energy was through the roof as usual.

“hey you two, i need your help with something.” he said, getting straight to the point. the two blondes immediately listened in.

“so here’s what i wanna do…”

as time continued to pass, tsukasa sat alone on his favorite bench, fiddling with his fingers and tapping his foot. what could kaito possibly be doing? a slight tug on his sleeve snapped him out of his daze, it was one of the plushies.

“kasa…! can you please come help me? my friend got stuck on the ferris wheel!” the small animal cried. tsukasa was definitely not in the mood to help anybody right now, but as a star he needed to learn to put other people first.

“yeah, sure.” he said with a gentle smile, picking himself off the bench.

he followed the plushie for a few minutes, occasionally sighing. for some reason, the lively and festive atmosphere wasn’t making him feel any better.

eventually the boy realized, they weren’t heading in the direction of the ferris wheel at all.

“hey, the ferris wheel is that way.” he said quietly, scratching his neck.

“oh! ah… yes! i just need to get something real quick! please come with me!” the plushie begged, something was definitely not right. he nodded, following the animals trail.

he ducked through the entrance of the tent, only to find that he had lost the plushie.

“hello?” he called, looking around him. as his eyes wandered the stage, he felt somebody gently tackle him to the ground, hopping on top of him. he grunted, instinctively struggling. he stopped as soon as he recognized the person on top of him.

“rin? what are you doing?” he scoffed, squirming under the girl. he was too distracted to notice the second person behind him who had quickly grabbed his wrists. “h-hey?! what’s the big idea?!” at this point, he was getting frustrated, he didn’t have time for their antics today.

“tsukasa, please just try to relax.” that familiar voice came back, kaito finally made his reappearance.

“kaito? what is going on here?!” he snarled, the vocaloids were taken aback, for they rarely saw their star in such a foul mood.

“please, just trust me, i think this will help.” kaito warmly smiled at him, leaning down and brushing his bangs out of his face.

“can you close your eyes for me?” he asked, his voice laced with kindness and warmth.

tsukasa sighed, trying to make sense of this all, there was no point in trying to get out of this, for he was effectively pinned down on the ground.

he slowly closed his eyes, his body still tense. he heard faint mumbles coming from his attackers. “ah!! this is…. where do… first?” he recognized that voice as len, the one holding his arms up.

eventually, he began to get lost in his own thoughts. his body had finally begun to loosen up. but this moment of relaxation would cease to exist after he felt ten nimble fingers gently stroking his stomach. he choked, holding back a laugh. the sudden feeling instantly caused him to squirm and fight for his freedom.

rin and len were stronger than he thought… he really couldn’t escape their grasp.

“k-kaihahato?” he said through laughter.

unfortunately kaito decided to make his presence known by sneakily slipping off his shoes and gently scratching at his socked feet.

the poor tsukasa screamed and began to kick, as laughter uncontrollably poured from his mouth.

he couldn’t keep his eyes closed at this point, he opened them to be met with three smiling faces.

“TICKLE ATTACK!!!” the twins cheered at the same time.

“WHAHAHAT?? let mehe gohoho!” he squealed, bucking his hips as rin began to gently squeeze his sides.

as much as he didn’t want to admit it, he was stuck, with absolutely no way of getting out of this predicament. after minutes of struggling, his body finally gave up as he gave in to the tickles, laughing like crazy.

the unpredictable fingers dancing on his feet and the gentle squeezes of his stomach were driving him mad. he pulled at his arms as hard as he could, but len had them tightly secured.

“STOHOHOHOP!!!” he pleaded, tears forming in the corner of his eyes. his smile was extremely bright, despite his previous bad mood.

the fingers dancing along his skin felt like little zaps of electricity that sent shivers down his spine. the tingly feeling was unbearable yet enjoyable.

rin mischievously lifted up his shirt, revealing his flushed stomach. damnit! kaito must’ve told them about that…

“nohohoho!!! not thahat!” he squealed, beginning to squirm around.

rin grinned, as she gently wiggled her finger in tsukasas belly button. he screamed and laughed incredibly loud, bucking and squirming to try and escape the tickly feeling. as embarrassing as it was, his belly button was extremely sensitive.

“ILL DO ANYTHIHING!!” he pleaded, shaking his head with bright explosions of laughter.

after several more minutes of the tickly torment, the three vocaloids finally got off of him.

all that was left was a blushing tsukasa panting for air, as he clutched his now sore stomach.

he hated to admit it, but it worked. his mood was effectively boosted, and all of his tension and frustrations had melted away.

kaito leaned down beside him, “are you feeling better, star?”

he nodded with flushed cheeks, embarrassed that something so silly was able to make him feel better like that.

he felt a hand on his shoulder, “we will always be here for you tsukasa.” kaito grinned.

tsukasa couldn’t help but smile, he would never be where he is today if he didn’t have this friendly faces supporting him all the way through. and for that, he was truly grateful.

[lollytea]

have you seen the new dungeon meshi episode, and if so, thoughts? 👀

Sorry for the delay, we just got around to watching it now. I loved it very much!! It's hard to talk about dungeon cuz usually my only thoughts are "I love them 🥺" agsbdjnk.

Domesticity win!! The group now has a cat!! And she is possessed by the Horrors!! Like all cats!!! I'm surprised she wasn't actually just Like That and the catgirl thing is the result of a curse. Ma'am where did you get that procedure done? Can I get a phone number? Ma'am please the girls on tumblr will want to know about this.

God she's so CUTE. When she starts yapping about how optimistic she is that Marcille can heal her and she's all like :3 about it. I love you Izutsumi!!!

I love the weird vibe she brings with her which kinda rattles the group dynamic a bit. Funniest part was where she threw away the mushrooms and there was that over dramatic shot where Laois and Chucklefuck are like "She's picky!! 😨 This has literally never happened before!!!" Picky eater arch enemy of the foodie anime.

I love Senshi SO MUCH. He's not even that good in a fight but he makes the vibe feel so safe. Nothing bad will happen because Senshi is here to look after everybody. Love this funny dynamic he's got going on with Izutsumi. He's very patient with her, all things considered. Having a character whose main motivation is to keep everybody well fed and healthy makes me so happy.

THE DREAM PLOT FUCKED SO HARD I LOVED IT. I love all of the character insight it provided for both Marcille and Laois. Speaking of the two of them, their relationship with each other is so sweet. Was very emotional watching Laois try (and fail) to comfort the baby Marcille. He's not very good at stuff like this but he's so upbeat and well meaning.

The reveal about what Marcille is ACTUALLY afraid of hit me like a brick. When she mentioned how she always runs faster than everybody else, I had to pause it to Google these lifespans. SHE'S GONNA SEE EVERYBODY SHE LOVES DIE!!! IM IN AGONY!!!!!

And how Laois presence tampered with her perception of the dream and made her feel happier 🥺 And he's a fluffy doggy in her mind!!! It's so CUTE. There are a lot of horrors but this anime is also just so sweet and cute.

[miawashere]

about a year or two ago seasonal depression would’ve hit me like a ton of bricks, taking my motivation to do anything. i’ve gotten better at not letting it get to me, and here’s a few tips for anyone struggling!

remember you are not alone. reach out to someone if you’re struggling, there’s nothing wrong with saying you’re not okay.

be active! running and going to the gym personally helps me get my mind off things. it’s a great way to improve your overall health, and can be pretty fun :)z

writing down feelings. for me, journaling and even typing out how i feel in my notes app is a great way to get emotions out, and i always feel a little better after venting there. this is great if you’re not ready to open up to others.

studying! i think this just be a me thing, but studying helps me in the long run by allowing me to memorize the things i need to for school but also making myself focus on something beneficial.

selfcare! skincare always makes me feel better, but even showering and brushing your teeth is a great way to start! i always feel better when i look better, so taking care of yourself physically is a nice way to keep yourself going through the rough times :).

remember that everything always gets better! sometimes you have to be positive, even when it’s hard but please make sure to take care of yourselves! you guys can always reach out to me if needed <3.

[resi4skz]

CHAPTER 2

Pairing: idol!Chan x Rebecca Greywood (OC)

Warnings: none for this chapter

This is purely fiction!

"You can't be serious," I say to Luna.

"Why not? Give me one good reason why you don't want to."

I had arrived at her house an hour ago. I cried for the first 20 minutes but she quickly cheered me up with ice cream. Strawberry. My favorite flavor. And now she's telling me to take korean lessons and take makeup classes to get certifications.

"Luna," I sigh, stabbing the spoon into the tub of ice cream. "Why one earth would I do that? I don't have the money nor do I have the time." Which was true because with school and no job, I had no extra money to do anything else.

"Heat me out," Luna replies. "You can take the classes and work part-time. You can always take fewer classes for your school."

I look at her like she's grown horns on her head. "You're insane for even thinking this."

"Becca, I've known you since freshman year of high school. I know you're miserable in med school because it's what your dad is forcing you to do. The only time I've seen truly happy is when you're dancing and singing or when you were doing Ella's makeup." I go to protest but she holds her hand up. "You may become the best surgeon in the country but you won't be a happy one. You will always ask yourself that if you had taken that one step in the past, would your life be any different than it is now? Would you be happy? Would you be truly happy knowing you never took that step?"

Her questions hit like a brick. Blinking, I think about what she said. Picturing my future in my mind as a surgeon, I would be just a person working a job but I wouldn't be enjoying it. It would be me not living. It would just be me doing what my dad wants me to do.

Then I picture myself as an idol or as a makeup artist and all I see is a wide smile on my face. I see myself happy and living my life to the fullest. I look at Luna and realize something. In order to achieve my happiness, I need to let some things go. I scoff and look at her once again. "How do you know what to say every damn time?"

Luna smiles and walks over to where I'm sitting. "Because I'm always right." She winks at me and I laugh. "So are you going to do it?"

"I mean, am I wrong for wanting this? Maybe," I say nodding. "But do I want to do it? Yes. But I would need to figure out my school schedule and drop out of some classes first. And apply for a job." A piece of paper gets shoved in my face. I see it's an application form at the cafe she works at. "You have everything planned, don't you?"

"Mhm. And," Luna shoves another paper in front of me. "This."

"What's this?" I ask as I glance at the paper. "Another application?"

She rolls her eyes and says, "Just look at it."

I look down and it reads:

JYPE hiring MUAs for 2021!

Requirements: atleast 6 certifications as an MUA, including international. Please email for more info.

"So?" Luna asks.

I look up at her. I realize this may be my only choice to my freedom. But it would also mean I would be leaving my first dream. Then again, I enjoyed makeup more. And I was pretty good at it. "Is it crazy that I actually want to do this?"

"No," Luna smiles. "It just means you're ready to take that step towards your freedom."

I laugh. "Okay. Let's do this."

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I do exactly what Luna told me to do. I drop out of a few classes and enroll in makeup classes and korean classes. I also got a part-time job at her cafe. It paid pretty well so that was a plus for me. I even opened a new bank account so Patricia won't have anything to hold against me like she usually does.

For the next year, my life consisted to school, make-up and korean lessons and my job. It was like clock work from the moment I wake up and go to bed at night. Some days, it got very hectic and other days it was a breeze. But I was happy doing all of this. It had motivated me to do my best in everything I was doing.

And another thing that had given me motivation: Stray Kids. They had released more albums and I had managed tl watch a few of their variety shows. And only one of the members had always caught my eye since the beginning. His v-lives always cheered me up and I would always look forward to every Sunday morning. It was one thing that kept me sane. I had made myself a promise that if I were to meet him in person one day, I would thank him for helping me.

-------------------------------------------------------------

Before I had realized it, the year came and went. I had achieved 5 of the certifications and was working on the sixth. I also applied for the MUA job for JYPE and emailed them that I was going to be receiving the sixth certificate in a few months.

Meanwhile, I was in the process of looking at apartments in Seoul. I had more than enough money saved up from my part-time and freelance makeup clients. Even Luna was surprised to see me working all the time. And I was practically living at her house because living at my own house was not only frustrating but I was always paranoid about someone walking in my room. Luna didn't mind though, as her parents were very nice people and understood my situation.

The only problem was to get my things from the house without making it look like I moved out. So I started coming up with a plan. I could go in and out gradually and move things that way OR I move everything all at once and end up in an unnecessary fight which I didn't want.

I'm laying on the bed in the spare bedroom contemplating my next move when Luna walks in. "Hey, do you have an extra makeup sponge I can borrow?"

"Sure," I stand and walk to my make-up box to retrieve the item.

"Thanks," Luna replies as I hand it to her.

"Mhm," I said as my phone chimes and I scoff. "This guy never gives up, I swear."

"Don't tell me," Luna makes a face. "Ryan?"

"I mean what is his problem? We broke up 2 years into us dating and I even blocked his number because HE cheated on me," I exclaim, getting frustrated.

Ryan Moore was my boyfriend for 2 years before I found out he was cheating on me the entire time we dated for those 2 years. I was very much oblivious until I saw him with another girl at a restaurant. Ever since then, he's been wanting to get back with me and it's getting on my nerves. "What does he want now?"

"The fuck I know," I say as I read his text, mimicing him. "I miss you, Becks. Please just give me one chance to talk."

"Ew." Luna makes a face.

"I hate that name. And yet he's still using it." I had told him to never call me 'Becks' as I had always hated it. I look at my phone again in frustration as it chimes once more. My eyes widen and I suddenly can't breathe. "Oh my god."

Luna walks over to me, worried. "What? What happened? Did he say something? Do I need to kick his ass?"

"I got in." I blink at my email app in my phone.

"Huh? What?" Luna blinks at me.

"I got in!" I show her my phone. It was an email from JYPE officially congratulating me on being accepted as an MUA. "Oh my god, Luna! I GOT IN!" Luna and I jump around hysterically, squealing.

"Oh shit, it's really happening." I say as I calm myself.

"I knew you could it!" Luna smiles at me. "When do they want you to start?"

I look at the email again. "It says a month after I finish my last certificate. That's just a couple of months away!"

-------------------------------------------------------------

Over the next month I kept searching for apartments. It dawns on me that this is actually happening that I'm going to be working in Korea. I also had gotten pretty fluent in korean, thanks to Luna for pushing me to get those lessons. I got to wonderimg who I'll be assigned to as an MUA but deep down, I wished Stray Kids would be the one I would be assigned to. But with these companies, you never know.

*3 months later*

I had gotten my final certification early and it actually gave me time to sort everything out. I even found a nice apartment and paid the deposit. Even booked a plane ticket. So everything was all set to go, except for one. The most important thing that I had been going over and over foe the past few days. I had to get the rest of my belongings from my house. But I had to do it discreetly. I needed those things in order for me to move on.

So a few days later, I stop by the house and as usual I'm questioned as soon I enter. Trying my best to ignore them, I go straight into my room locking it behind me. I grab my luggage and start packing the rest of my things. And as I'm putting my clothes inside, my phone rings and I pick up without looking. "Hello?"

"Becks?"

My eyes widen and I immediately hang up. "I have GOT to change my number or better yet get a new pbone entirely. Jesus. The man never gives up." I do a quick scan of my room to see if I missed anything. Satisfied, I zip my bag and walk out.

"Where do you think you're going with that?" Patricia asks.

Turning around, I smirk. "What I should've done a long time ago."

"You can't move out. You don't have the money to get a place of your own."

I laugh. "You can have the $500 in that account for all I care. It's not mine anyway." I turn around to leave but I'm turned around forcefully. "What the fuck?"

"You're not going anywhere, bitch. You stay here where I can keep an eye on you so I can kick you out myself."

"Wow, such choice of words, Patricia," I said as I yank my arm free. "Let me tell you something. Tell dad to not come after me because I won't be here."

"What?" Patricia blinks at me. And without saying anythjng further, I finally turn around to leave but I guess God had other plans for me because she yanks me back again. And this time I let her have it. I slap her as hard as I can. She cups her cheek and looks at me, shocked. Turning around, I head outside with my luggage, finally free.

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It is now the day of my flight and I'm triple checking my bags to see if I missed anything. "Will you stop with that? You're giving me a headache," Luna says, playing on her phone.

"I just want to make sure I have everything," I said, looking at the time. "I have one more hour till I'm supposed to leave."

"For the last time, I know. I'm driving you there." Luna rolls her eyes while still on her phone.

Doing one more glance, my phone rings but I ignore it knowing it's from my dad. He's been trying to get in contact with me ever since I left. I had no intention of having any kind of communication with a man who never defended me. It rings again so I turn my phone on silent and try to kill time until it's time to go.

*50 mins later*

Luna and I are on our way to the airport. We got food to eat on the way to help ease my nerves. Even though I was moving to Seoul 2 months prior, it would be give me time to scout the area. I was excited to live in a new country and even more excited since I knew Korean.

We park, get my luggage out from the car and walk inside the airport. I get checked in, my luggage finally move forward leaving me with my backpack as my carry-on. As Luna and I head towards the gate number, I start getting a bit emotional.

As I stand in front the gate number, I let out a breath but it comes out shakey. "This is it." I turn around and hug Luna, sobbing.

She hugs me back, chuckling. "It's alright, bestie. I'm going to miss you. I'm going to miss our silly time together." I cry more as she pats my back.

Once I calm down, I give her one more hug before saying final goodbyes as I finally head inside to board the plane. Once inside the plane, I find my designated window seat and finally sit. As I look out the window, I watch as the workers put all the luggage in another plane. I take my phone out of my bag. Immediately, my phone display lights up, my dad's name on the screen. Sighing, I pick up. "Yeah?"

"Becca? Thank god. I have been trying to get a hold of for the past few days!"

"And?" I was completely annoyed at this point.

"Where are you? We're worried about you. You even gave Patty a scare when you left."

I decide to be upfront. "Look, Jack," I say, leaning back. "From today onwards, you won't hear from me. You can ask everyone you know and you won't find me. So it's better if you focus on the other family of yours instead."

"What? What do you mean?" Jack asks.

"Goodbye." He starts to protest but I hang up and turn my phone off.

The plane finally departs and goes on the runway to prepare to fly. When it finally picks up speed, I smile as it  takes off. I'm finally free.

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A/N: don't worry, the boys are appearing soon 😉

[stereos-dumb-page]

can you draw the cantaloupe. i want more of him NOW

I'M SO SORRY TO THE PERSON WHO REQUESTED THIS, low motivation hit me like a brick and now I only got a tiny bit of motivation so please take an eepy old fruit as an apology.

[gffa]

I just really wanted to say as someone who's been getting burned out a bit recently with online comics fandom, I really love how you talk about comics. It feels like you really look for the bits you enjoy to talk about and have a lot of fun with it. So thank you!

Aww, thank you in return for the very kind words! I'm glad that's coming across, because it's very much a deliberate motivation on my part, because I've had a run of fandoms that have made me really burnt out and miserable for how awful everyone is to each other (I spent 7+ years in Star Wars fandom, I AM SO CRISPY ON THE EDGES) and the only thing that has saved me is deciding that I have to make the kind of corner I want for myself. And what I wanted was some place that didn't make me unhappy to come to at the end of a long day, that for me personally, I needed a place I was excited about coming to, that I was going to get a charge out of it, and so, sure, I have my moments just like anyone else, but ruthlessly seeking the bits I enjoy, even in comics or shows I'm otherwise Meh on, has really helped me. Everyone has their own way of interacting with fandom, I can't say what will work for others, and everything should be balanced for our own personal sakes, but I really, really gravitate towards people who tell the dumb stuff to take a hike and dig for the bits they like. We can and should have serious discussions about serious topics, I try to do my part there too, but overall? If fandom isn't fun, if fandom is nothing but a big pile of suck, I'm gonna hit the bricks. There's no point to fandom, for me for myself, if it's not more fun than it is misery. I've been lucky to find some really lovely comics friends, but mannnnnn I am so ready to find more because I really want to talk about comics and examine how they can fit together and give each other recs on which runs to pick up that we might have missed, and just. Please, you guys, I am consumed by Batdad and Eldest Batson, I need you all to listen to me so that I don't explode from holding it all in--!!

[romaritimeharbor]

Ngl it's a bit sad when you put effort on something you really wanted to do, planning everything just for it to not go as well as it went in your head. It's one of the saddest things about writing fanfic in my opinion, everything's just so unpredictable TT

But I was hit with the truth brick on the head and well, I discovered that I should be satisfied with what I wrote before anything. Idk if it makes sense but it's just that thing of "write for yourself, the work you would love to read". And that helped a lot because numbers will exist at the end of the day but like...

Just imagine 50 people in front of you reading word by word, getting interested and even starting to think about future possibilities of your work. Numbers will be numbers at the end of the day, but it turns into something else when you start to see them as individuals.

Also, how have you been? I know I don't send as many asks as I did before, but I'm still here!! :'D

(Might go off anon some of these days... I guess I went on anon for too much time haha. And from my experiences sending asks to you over most of 2023, I can say you're my favorite writer ever like ever. Your blog was what motivated and made me lose the fear of writing stuff, so I'm really grateful and kind of owe a lot to you jahsjws. Please take care of yourself!! Also, I've seen you have taken a SAT but I couldn't send a "good luck" ask so... I hope you succeed in whatever career you choose <33)

- 🦢 anon <3

it is. fanfiction is, unfortunately, quite unpredictable and most posts seem to get very few notes (let alone actual engagement), but i also think that's why it's important to have friends within the ff community <3 friends mitigate the negative effects of having no friendly engagement from strangers!!!!!!!!

there is a lot of value in thinking that way!! but i also think we shouldn't be shamed into not acknowledging the fact that sometimes you don't want to read your own work. that's why i'm so sad that the platonic fanfic community is so small. i don't always want to read my work, yknow? i already know what happens in my work. part of the fun of reading is not knowing what will happen!

i personally find it hard to see likes alone as individuals 💔 i thrive on connection with people, like you guys (my lovely anons and friends)!!!!! i love connection!!!!! but there is none with likes. to me, anyway. ultimately people either will or won't engage with my work, and i don't really care that much anymore. it's a minor annoyance more than a genuine frustration. moral injury started because of a request from 🐱 anon, so as long as they're happy, i don't think i mind such little engagement hehe <33 /gen

(STOPPPP YOU'RE GOING TO MAKE ME CRY AWW you're literally so sweet 🦢 anon... you've been here for so long now, longer than most emoji anons. hell, longer than most of my mutuals, too, i think. i would love to be your moot!!!! but there is never any pressure to reveal yourself, of course. do it whenever you feel ready!! i will, and i hope you will also take care of yourself 🫶🫶 AND THANK YOUUU)