#hmmmm this got more depressing than i wanted

[binch-i-might-be]

you ever just think about how if you didn't have to go to work and use up every last drop of your energy there your flat would be so clean. always. and you could eat healthier because you'd have time to cook. and maybe you would get to have a restful night's sleep for once. and you could finally establish a routine to deal with mental illness and executive dysfunction so you could actually work on your writing projects. ever think about that

[weebsinstash]

Ok so tmi (on the tmi blog lol) but the first day of my Cycle I had a dream that I had just given birth and I was holding my baby and I was goddamn euphoric even though the logical part of me was like “???? I am 22 and broke i CANNOT have a baby rn” and I woke up crying and called my friends like I WANNA HAVE A BAAAAAABYYYYY I WANT A BAAAAAAABYYYYYYYY so basically. Imagine. Miguel catches you in a moment of weakness. And he NEVER. FUCKING. FORGETS IT.

Oh wow girlie those period hormones grabbed you by the uterus and absolutely REFUSED to let go

NO BUT FOR REAL don't look at me but I've been thinking of a concerning number of ideas where it's like, "Reader suddenly realizes they may want a baby and is actually putting serious thought into it and Miguel finds out (bet your ass Peter B tells him, i can see him as a "well intentioned" platonic guardian/mentor figure who sells you out to Miguel the second he thinks you're doing something risky or he thinks it's for your own good) and Miguel starts making all these plans and preparations behind your back to have a baby with you" and obviously I like the extra juicy option of "he found out you got extremely depressed and tied your tubes or something because you either see no point in you having a kid/think it's too late, OR, Miguel was the only person you were looking at as a potential father and you either decide it wouldn't work out or he does something to hurt you and you lose trust in him" so like, the double whammy combo of him being hit with the news you basically walled off your fertility that he's kinda fantasizing about AND you blame him for it

You see him chokeslam Miles on the train and having all these serious anger and stress issues and you're like "hmmmm don't like that" and basically make the tubal ligation appointment that week (but, you know, he'll either interfere before you can actually get it or even reverse it later on)

Like. Ugh I'm not sure if I should go super into detail bc I feel like I want to put this scene in the YouTwo fic or in a different idea i have thats more centered around motherhood, but, picture he catches you in his monitor room one day after you've lost your home dimension, you're having a little more than just a small identity crisis, and he catches you having Lyla show you the model for your life, or what the algorithm had predicted your life was supposed to be like before your universe just magically poofed away. You're just staring at these holograms with tears running down your face and he occasionally catches you starting to reach out like you want to touch what you see. He comes to stop you because he already knows all too well where this could lead, you can't become tempted to break canon and go somewhere else, but you beg him to let you watch just a little longer

"I was supposed to get MARRIED! I was supposed to have a BABY! I was supposed to have a family!! It's not fair!!"

And he's in total agreement with you because, who even fucking knows why your universe suddenly destabilized and vanished. He sees you as this person who has so much promise and potential who had their destiny and future literally snatched away from them and now you're lost and confused on what you're supposed to do, like really he totally understands why you feel so aimless. But watching these holograms is like torturing yourself, and he goes to stop you when you just keep crying because this is basically sending you into a critical mental health episode

"Someone was supposed to fall in love with me... we were supposed to have a baby... would I have been a good mom? Would I have had a boy or a girl? Cant you at least let me find out what my daughter's name would have been?"

And it's like NOOOO you can't hit him with the daughter card, don't you see what you've DONE!!! Gets him right in the heart. Now he's got this massive soft spot for you, bigger than it already was anyways, and he can tell over time you're just really starting to, grieve the future you were supposed to have, falling into a depression. Peter B is hanging around with Mayday like he usually does as both men can tell you're really staring at his baby today and he offers to teach you how to hold her. you're standing there misty eyed twirling one of her little curls around your finger as her dad starts volunteering information to you, "you know she's about XYZ months old now, they aren't really talking yet at this age but they're really curious about their surroundings and--"

Miguel watches as you start talking about children and suddenly get this really really tortured expression and just say "it's not meant to happen" and or some combination of "it's too late for me" and gives him his baby back a little too quickly in typical "I am clearly leaving the room to go cry" fashion. Meanwhile Peter B is like 38 wondering why you think you're out of time or it's not supposed to happen

Miguel's working one day and Peter is trying to shove his phone in his face, "you know I think this is one of the BEST photos of Mayday I've ever taken, she's looking so cute here, you just GOTTA see it" and Pete just won't let up and Miguel finally looks just to humor him because the man is being unusually annoying and, it's a photo of Mayday, duh, but being held by you, and you're clearly looking down at her with watering eyes and the smallest little smile that says "I'll die for you" and Peter is just all 😏 as Miguel is 'suddenly' interested in the photo. "That's a really good photo of MAYDAY, right? 😏 I figured you would like it, that photo of MAYDAY 😏" and Miguel is just grumbling and grouchy bc he sees what this guy is tryna do, but he's still like ".... send it to me later, I'm trying to work right now"

It's even worse if you're a member of his strike force because you're constantly around him, Peter B, and Jess. Miguel just, idly wondering where you are and deciding to walk around a little bit and eventually finds that you're having some sort of conversation with Peter B and Jess and he can tell you look really weepy as the other woman invites you to feel her baby kicking, like, you could not more obviously be developing baby fever, and you ARE around that age, and ESPECIALLY if you live in Nueva York because it's like, YEAH you're still a Spider and YEAH you help the Society with stuff but. Your home universe is gone, your canon is gone, you're kind of. Free as a bird really? But you're also scared because, if someone was destined to love you, does that mean it technically isn't meant to be to fall for anyone else? You can't exactly hook up with people at the Spider Society because of canon or them already having relationships, and you don't exactly have identifying documents if you wanted to try and adopt

I think it'd really reach a stressful breaking point if you and the strike force go to another universe to fight an anomaly and Miguel catches you staring out into the crowd of people you just saved and he sees what youre looking at instantly and his heart sinks. Another you, another normal you, never bitten by a Spider, is standing there with her husband and her little sputtering baby, and he has to all but drag you away as you cry "it's not fair, it's not fair, why does SHE get a normal life!!"

Sidebar for a moment, I think that's probably also one thing that would be so INFURIATING about the doppelganger stealing your life story because THEY have a home universe and YOU don't. They take your life, they take literally everything you have left, your friends, your sense of community, your literal purpose. I've already decided on YTs motivations but could you imagine you finding out YouTwo actually has a decent life and maybe even a husband and kid of their own and you're just furious because they're basically abandoning their duties back home not only as a Spider but as a parent/spouse to steal what YOU have? You can't kill them because it would break their canon and kill like countless people but Miguel and the others would def let you beat the shit out of your evil double and get some of your anger out. Like. Jesus could you imagine Miguel kicks you out thinking you're the fake and after you're gone, YouTwo breaks canon and that's what exposes them, or theyre exposed when they eventually take a trip back home and get caught. The Society's regret, the guilt, the anger, just marinate me with the drama

But anyways back to Being Sad and Babycrazy, you go missing one day and Miguel has to decide what to do when he finally tracks your bracelet and you're back in THAT dimension again. He has to physically track you down using your bracelet's signal because you refuse to answer his messages and you're, in the home of the other you while she takes a brief nap, in the nursery, holding her baby. Miguel quietly climbs through the window and you're in a rocking chair and you've got her hugged to your chest and your eyes are closed and you sense him and, obviously cry because you know you have to leave. Unlike with the holograms he doesn't give you any leeway on this, putting his foot down that this has to end here, this cant go on, this is already so dangerous. And, you're good for him and understand, leaving the baby back in its crib as you and Miguel warp away. You're heartbroken but ultimately understanding when he has to disable your watch's ability to visit that specific dimension again, and you're obviously extremely depressed for a while, having multiple Spiders coming to check in on you as word spreads around that you aren't doing well

I can just see Reader becoming kind of desperate because the only options for a baby you really have left is to either 1. get a serious relationship, which you're scared of because you have to trust that person and who can you even pick, you're nervous about breaking canon or something, or 2. Get some random person to impregnate you so you can run off with the baby

Miguel gets a call from Peter B that you went to a bar and you're EXTREMELY wasted as you try to pick someone, ANYONE up and like, you have admirers for sure but there's enough decent people around to keep the creeps in line, clearly you are in a vulnerable state of mind right now, and Miguel gets to tote your drunken ass back home as you drunkenly word vomit all your feelings to him because, unfortunately for you, he has your trust, and you need comfort right now, and you even ask him about what being a parent was like for him. You encouragingly tell him he shouldn't give up if he still wants kids, you trying to be genuinely nice and not trying to imply anything, blubbering about how he deserves to still be happy and he's still got time, and here's Miguel who's practically tracking your cycles at this point, TOTALLY not going to use anything you say to him while you're piss-drunk against you

Especially if you add ABO into the mix and you have a Miguel who's either Alpha/Omega and is already babycrazy af and he sees you literally fucking YEARNING for it, like. You've got a 6'9" Alpha basically looking at you, his poor lil Omega crush, with the big yandere goo goo eyes and how you need all this love and support and stability and how you're in need of a proper husband and of course he's all too willing to volunteer himself for the job. Even if he's too awkward to come right out to you and say it, he'll be thinking in his head and planning behind your back ways to take care of you, keep you away from any drugs/alcohol (no more smoking weed with metro boomin Spiderman, you've gotta detox your body to have a baby! Also, different concept but, Miguel basically keeping you in a bubble to control all your meals and recreational activities and all of that so he can make sure you're perfectly healthy for a baby)

Don't let this man catch you slipping up! Throw you to the Spider Society and you'll come back pregnant 😭 he sees you so depressed and wanting a baby and it's like well, if your life needs new meaning, he can help literally make one for you 😏 he's been feeling protective and nurturing of you anyways, so, it's an extra benefit for him to think of getting to have both you AND a little baby of your very own ❤️

[friendlybatteringram]

(taransusie stuff ahead)

Susie: Okay you guys, this is serious! Taranza is getting depressed about his late queen again, and I really want to cheer him up somehow, but I need ideas!

King Dedede: Get him a bottle of bees.

Susie: No.

Magolor: Tell him that he has a brighter future ahead with you and all of us!

Susie: I tried that. It's just not enough...

King Dedede: Hmmmm. You guys should watch the Bee Movie together.

Susie: Will you cut the bee jokes??

King Dedede: I'd BEE happy to, HONEY.

Kirby: Hababbdeb burbbu!

Susie: That is a rather fascinating dissertation on the psychology of grief, Kirby, but I think I wanna keep things simple. Meta Knight!! What say you?

Meta Knight: I say you should turn him into a robot and make him work for you. That seems to be your forte.

Susie: Come ON Metaaaaa, I thought we were past this!

Meta Knight: You gave me Bluetooth.

Bandana Waddle Dee: I think a lot of this boils down to you, Susie! Think about how Taranza makes YOU feel when you're with him, and maybe translate that to a cheer-up gift somehow?

Susie: Hmm...

---

Taranza: *sitting alone on a hill*

Susie: *casually sits down next to him*

Taranza: Oh...! What is is, Sus?

Susie: *hands him something*

Taranza: ...A hairband?

Susie: My favorite one. Got it from my dad. It always reminded me of a better time...but I don't need that now, since I know I have an even better time than that ahead of me. So I thought maybe you could use it more. Even if you...don't have hair. Heh...

Taranza: ...

Susie: *plops her head on his shoulder*

Taranza: *puts his arm around her*

[nottoxicfr]

Pfffff! I Didn't double check what I wrote. I meant to ask "What are your Rosegarden Headcannons?"

What are my Rosegarden head canons? Hmmmm…that’s a pretty good question. I’ve never made a list to be honest. My brain is more like a highway where my neurons activate when I think of the pairing. I'll try and cover what seems to be the foundational stuff first, then maybe get more specific?

Who falls in love first?

Oscar falls in love first, but he doesn't fall in love immediately. He get a crush on her fairly quickly but actual love only starts during the time when Oz is hiding in Oscar's mind. He has more time to think about stuff that isn't an impending death of identity, and he naturally thinks about why he likes Ruby. He has the realization of love in Salem's dungeon, which is a depressing time to realize you love someone. I like that timeframe of events because it makes Emerald interrupting the Rosegarden hug funnier and a little sadder, which I like. He just realized he loves a girl and he can’t even get a hug! Maybe he could confess to her later, but then she dies…(kind of). He's entirely devastated and barely recovers.

Ruby falls in love with Oscar second, but it’s falling. There’s not a slow descent from affection to crush to romantic love. That wouldn’t happen until after V9, though there is a certain lovely feeling to Ruby being in love with Oscar but prior to V9 just feeling like she can’t be in love the world is ending and I need to save it so I can’t be in love. I respect anyone who head canons that. For mine, I think the first big indication is writing a recurring thread of Ruby missing Oscar in the Ever After.

“Oscar would know what to do. Oscar would know what to say. Oscar would think this is weird.”

It’s incredibly important that the thoughts don’t indicate that she thinks Oscar is better than her (a perilous trap for RWBY writers of all pairings) but that she thinks he would be able to take the lead while she is free to fall apart. She wants someone else to be there and she trusts Oscar to be that person.

NSFW Questions? Y'know, like sex.

I don't really think about them having sex. Partly that's because that seems like a good policy to prevent mean behavior on my posts (I assume you've seen anti-RG rationale) but also my mind just doesn't really go that direction. It's not quite to the point of Aesexual! RoseGarden, although I enjoy that too. Most of the time that I write big consummation of romance scenes, it ends up being more about kissing or they essentially propose to each other and swap necklaces or something. Rings are a hassles! This is influenced by FFXIII...

I do think they’re the type of people to adopt and co-parent a kid while living together, but not be in a confirmed romantic relationship. They’d sleep in the same room with two beds next to each other. Eventually they’d confirm that relationship and switch to one bed, but the important thing is starting off with two beds in one room because they are not dating. I think it is 1) Funny and 2) Filled with the comfortable tension of co-habitation. It’s very Advent Children.

I’ve written them with a kid twice (unpublished), both times adopted and both times it was a Grimm that had evolved to the point of essentially being a human. Once was post-series and the other was a thing where a Grimm ate part of Ozcar’s magic and got turned into a kid between V6 and V8. I’m very fond of the second because it’s incredibly silly to me to do that at that specific time. I need to talk about that sometime.

Who is taller? That comes up a lot, right?

Oscar is taller than Ruby, but it’s close enough that it really depends on who laid down the most recently. A height difference of maybe three inches? Something that’s easy to catch up to for Ruby by wearing tall shoes and standing up straighter. I like negligible height differences.

What’s another thing people are always talking about? I don't get involved in discussion a lot...

Food?

Oscar likes coffee, but Ruby enjoys fruit smoothies. Oscar has a weakness for sour (not bitter) desserts like lemon tarts or lime sorbet, but not much of a sweet tooth. Their main point of agreement is orange cookies.

Is there any song I associate with RoseGarden?

Steven Universe's True Kinda Love, specifically the end part where Steven (Universe) is climbing up the big Injector-Thing to reach Spinel. Oscar is hardly Steven, and Ruby's no Spinel, but during V9's Peak Ruby Breakdown Time I liked to imagine Oscar climbing the Tree to reach Ruby.

Also Simple and Clean from Kingdom Hearts 0.2.

Also also Lightning's Theme from Final Fantasy XIII. It has a lot of sentimental meaning to me, but it plays under dialogue about growing up in the wake of grief. I strongly associate that with time-skipped Oscar.

Who supports the pairing the most?

Emerald and Blake/Yang are the biggest supporters of the pairing for Oscar and Ruby respectively.

I think we've discussed Emerald and Oscar as a duo before, but I'll say again that my long term hope is that Emerald and Oscar become close pals. I like to write angst and the EO duo, so I write Emerald as being aware of Oscar's plentiful sadness and also his determination to live.

On the other hand, I think Blake likes Rosegarden because she's a suppressed romantic and also because she thinks they're a good couple conceptually. She wants them to get their happy ending!

Yang supports the couple mostly because she wants Ruby to be with someone who has open arms, meaning Oscar doesn't hesitate to give Ruby his time or affection. He's also very good at detecting when she needs his attention/affection/time (mostly because he asks).

My ideal HC ending?

Oscar decides to go on a road trip at the end of the series and Ruby goes with him. His idea stems from the feeling that Oz was very familiar with Remnant’s past, but Oz has passed on now. Both Ozma and Oscar loved the world, but Ozma is gone now. There’s only one person of their duo to live in the world they love, and Oscar wants to see Remnant as it is now, and he wants to live to see the future. He wants to live!

Ruby goes with him for several reasons. She wants to see Remnant. She wants to be a hero. She doesn’t want to be the hero. She thinks she can probably do that on a smaller scale and still help the world. She thinks Oscar's likely to disappear from her world if she lets him slip away.

Together, they also share a formidable feeling that they’ve completed the major plot of their lives. They feel lost without a major goal in their world, and everyone else they know is settling into their lives in their new roles, so Ruby and Oscar bond together to take care of each other. In the short term, Ruby’s goal is to keep Oscar alive. Oscar’s goal is to teach Ruby how to drive.

In the long term, I like to imagine Ruby as a courier with a bike that she can use to zoom across continent and Oscar as…something? His day job would be like an innkeeper or a librarian, a job which stays in one place. He takes the calls for the Rose Courier Service. However, people also call for him a lot. They need help or advice or wisdom, so he isn't actually all that stationary. They both have adventure, but they also both have a place to return to.

I really like angst and AUs so I have a lot of head canons about that stuff. I tried to limit the above to what seemed most relevant. Below, I'll will do some more AU-esque head canons.

Favorite Time-Skip head canon?

I have a recurring image of Oscar walking in the desert walking past scenes of Oz's life and then being confronted by the "ghost" of Ruby standing in front of him. Sometimes he stops and sometimes he keeps moving, but it always does something.

Emerald is Oscar's most frequent friend during the time-skip, and she's the only one who knows the depth of Oscar's feelings for Ruby. After Ruby comes back, Emerald pushes Oscar into hugging her at some point.

Ruby is strongly caught off guard by Oscar running around trying to keep everyone coordinated, or by how well he's doing. For the entirety of the time-skip, they've been trying to prepare for Salem trying to destroy Vacuo. Ruby thinks Oscar takes to leadership strongly, but he is not doing very well.

One person Oscar never talks to about Ruby or his feelings is Qrow. Things go from peaceful to bitter and back again really quickly between them, and Oscar is certain being in love with one of his dead nieces wouldn't help. Qrow would just be sad about it though.

Oz is quiet more often now. There's a space between them, but Oscar is more dedicated to protecting the world than ever before so he thinks that's part of the reason. The actual reason is that Oz wants Oscar to live on his own while he can be Oscar. They're very fused together still.

If any of this interests you, please ask away! I have a lot more timeskip stuff to talk about.

Is there a head canon prompt I enjoy?

I really like writing the faux Dojo Scene 2. The Dojo Scene being Oscar asking Ruby how she deals with everything (you already know this). The Dojo Scene 2 is the much anticipated reversal, but I like writing it where Oscar dodges her questions. He's not sure how to feel around a resurrected Ruby Rose, much less answer her questions about how he is handling everything.

Favorite AUs (I just wanted to list this one)

My personal favorite is the FFXIII AU I have where Oscar is a l'Cie (meaning someone given a mission by a god to complete or turn into a monster, given access to magic and such) and Ruby (a third year at Signal) has to escort him across Remnant to awaken sleeping gods. I intend to publish this one on AO3 later on! Generally though, I really like Time Travel AUs, with Lost Parallax being a favorite of mine.

I'm very passionate about fanfiction, and that makes me a bit of an airhead when I talk about this. I'm also kind of bad at answering questions. I hope you enjoyed reading this, and I hope you feel free to ask anything ever. I love answering!!

I also submitted an ask to Chaikachi about headcanon reactions to scars, but I was so nervous about it that I made it anonymous. If you see it, that's me!

[sparatus]

Fanfic Writer Ask Game: D,E and Y!

fanfic writer asks

thanks daisy!!

D: What’s the most personal fanfic you’ve written?

hmmmm i mean honestly a large portion of my no-reapers au exponential differentiation in general is therapy for me - the whole overarching theme of the series is "bad things happen, but there's still light in the darkness" and how the choices we make define who we are, and the primary conflict goes back to shanxi and how desolas chose to move on with his life but harper chose to dwell in his own hatred, and how that one difference has ripple effects on everyone around them. without going too far into personal stuff, it's very reflective of some shit in my own life, and the whole story is very therapeutic for me to write as it lets me examine those feelings and how i feel about the other person whom harper and co represent. other characters also provide outlets for various things, esp jack whose story arc has always been very resonant with me as a "bad" trauma survivor, so overall. yeah exdiff is my brainchild but there's also a lens for a lot of shit in my head if you look

E: What character do you identify with most?  Is there a certain fic of yours that captures these qualities particularly well?

at this point there's a good chunk of myself in quite a few of them, but i think. it's probably still saren. it's been saren for a long time. sparatus too, but saren has been pretty instrumental to a lot of my own growth as a person, especially as i fought to escape toxic social circles and rediscover myself after depression. don't let my intense love for desolas and sparky and abrudas fool you, i love all of them very much but saren. saren is me.

i see a lot of my own "bad" autistic traits in saren, and how i carry myself and hold myself and observe the world around me. obviously exdiff is going to have a lot of that, seeing as he's a deuteragonist, but i think more specifically the weight of memory is the most emblematic. he's the pov character, so we're in his head the whole fic, and it's a very meditative fic for me to write - while yes there's still things happening and connections back to the main plot happening over in itlog and what avitus is up to, but in memory we see saren detached from the main plot as he stays home and recovers from the events of broken mirror, and as he steps back and observes the day-to-day mundane life around him it's a really good character study i like to think. memory is my magnum opus in the whole series i think

for another one that isn't connected to a whole other series, there's also to catch a rabbit, aka "kryterius murder mystery," wherein he shares the pov stick with nihlus, and we both get a view of his own internal monologue as he runs through the case and an external pov from nihnih who has a lot of experience with saren's various quirks and oddities and doesn't make a big deal out of them just readily accepts them as part of who his friend is.

Y: What are your thoughts on your personal satisfaction with something you’ve written vs. the popularity of your stories?  Do you tend to be most satisfied with your most popular stories?

i mean. this is niche character and rarepair appreciation central over here.

my shepard fics/series (exdiff, bad end, jai shepard) are much more popular than most of the things i really really want people to look at - the three fics in the i'll follow you series, pre-canon desolas trauma and budding desabrudas, are honestly some of my best work (the latter two ESPECIALLY), and i'm really proud of the random <1k wordcount musing i put out like by any other name (desabrudas) and absolution (garrus/citadel dlc turian lady), and listen if i listed off all the stuff that i'm really happy with but got ignored by readers we'd be here all day listing off pretty much everything on my ao3. exdiff is my baby, my flagship series, i will always be begging people to read it cause if you want to see a big portion of my worldbuilding and character work outside the arteriuses + sparatuses and tiirtias you're gonna have to go Commit, but there is ZERO correlation between the popularity of a piece and how happy i am with it

[i-literally-cant-with-this]

Hey, its me again. I couldn't stop thinking about that Rengoku SFW. Are you taking requests?🥺👉👈....If so l would like to request a short read of Rengoku & fem!reader, where he finds her sad and depressed because she failed in her exam.

The themes should be a mixture of comfort & sweet fluff please....Oh pretty please😭😭...

If you can't manage to write it I'll understand ❤️.. Thank you in advance❤️❤️

Yess! Thank you for sending this to me! It's my first ask <3 <3 <3

I ended up doing this as soon as my coffee was done haha!

I hope you like it! Have a great day, @flametigress

WC = Less than 1k

C/W = Fluffy, comforting Rengoku, f!reader fails exam. Rengoku teaches her a new way to study.

RASPBERRIES IN THE PARK

You got out of your friend's car and started the short trek to your front door. Knowing that he was there, waiting to congratulate you on passing your exam, was breaking your heart.

He had helped you study for hours and hours. And at the end of the day, you'd not only let yourself down, you'd let him down.

"Pffoo. Rengoku? I failed. I'm a failure. I'm a big dumb, dummy." You practiced what you were going to say before walking into the house. "No, that's not ... ok. Rengoku? You're in love with an idiot and I hope you don't want kids because they'll be half me and I'm incapable of configuring complex thinking and applying that to {subject}. Geez, I'm not sure he'd even understand that sentence."

Opening the door you walked in to see the room brightly decorated; balloons hung from the ceiling like colorful stars, there was a creepy picture of your face on a shirt Rengoku was wearing, all crumpled and creased from him sitting in it.

You'd have laughed if you weren't trying so hard to ward off the tears.

As soon as he saw the frown on your face his arms were wrapped around you. "My little firefly. Did you not pass?"

Your face was smashed into his hard chest as you replied a muffled "Noooo!" Your body bounced in his arms as you sobbed.

"I just don't get itttt! We studied so hard. We studied so hard that you were starting to know the material! How could you know it and not me? You should have taken the stupid test for me. You're smarter anyway.” 

The front of his creepy 'you shirt' was soaked with your tears now.

"Perhaps, flame, we need to implement a new method of studying? This style didn't work, so let's brainstorm. Let's get out of this house and find a different place to study. 

"Awww, no more cuddles? You can't just kiss me until I'm all better?" You whined as he pulled away.

He leaned down and pressed his lips against yours in a tender kiss before pulling back. 

"No, sweetie. We need to fix this problem, not distract ourselves from it." He whispered in your ear, "Later, later I'll make you forget all about this." He winked and you blushed. You always blushed. And he loves it.

He took your hand, helped you into his car and began to drive around. 

"I'm sorry I failed you." You said, still not quite over the blow.

"You didn't fail me, baby. You did your best. And that's all I can ask for. We'll keep working and try again. I promise you, we'll figure it out." Reaching over, you grabbed his hand and kissed the back of it. "I love you, Kyojuro."

"I love you too, flame." He squeezed your hand back. "Now, where would you like to go for our study date?"

You sat back in your seat and pondered. "Hmmmm. Maybe the library? It's quiet and no one will bother us."

"That's not going to work for what I have planned. I'll take you almost anywhere else, though." His smile was so bright you had to look away for a moment.

You were well-versed in how loud he always is. But this was a little suspicious.

"For what you have planned? Kyojuro Rengoku. What are you up to?" You asked, feeling much better already.

"My little spark, I have an idea!" He got a playful look on his face as he pulled into the park.

He helped you out of the car and lead you to the grassy area.

The swans turned their attention to the two of you as he carried the blanket to a spot under a tree.

"Here. We'll continue your studies here. It's quiet. It's semi-private. No one will bother us. Does this work for you, love?"

You narrowed your eyes at him. You knew he was up to something, you just didn't know what. So, slowly, you nodded. The hair raised on the back of your neck as you tried to decode the look he was giving you. But you were at a loss here.

"Sit, my flame. Sit and we will begin!" He was always so excited about everything. It was actually quite contagious.

"Ok," he continued. "What is the process by which you can solve {problem}?"

You sat with your mouth hanging open and your brows furrowed. "WHAT?"

He laughed so hard you almost felt like it was at your expense. "I'm sorry, love. That's incorrect. Come here."

"Rengoku, this won't work. I don't know what you're talk-- oh my goddd! Ahaha! Kyo!"

He lifted your shirt and began to give you raspberries on your belly.

Your laughter echoed throughout the park. Music to his ears.

"What was that for!" You said wiping the tears away. But they were from laughing too hard, not crying.

"That's what happens when you get a question wrong." He smirked, obviously pleased with himself for thinking of this.

"What are you going to do when I get a question right?" You asked, tongue in cheek.

He smiled at you with a gleam in his eyes. You didn't know if it was just his eyes or the sun hitting them just right.

"That, my sweet inferno, I will have to show you at home." He raised his eyebrows and nodded slowly.

"Huh? OH! Kyo! What are you waiting for! Help me learn this stuff, man!"

[comefeedtherainn]

tagged by love of my life @saltsanford thank u bb

How many works do you have on AO3? 27

What’s your total AO3 word count?

608,101

What fandoms do you write for?

this varies bc i revisit old fandoms often, atm im deep in the untamed and also working on drafting a sleuth of ming dynasty, might try guardian if the mood strikes. i also have wips i'd like to return to for mass effect, rdr2, and bioshock

What are your top five fics by kudos?

your darkest roads - the untamed (1,417)

scars and scratches - the untamed (1,307)

break of dawn - mass effect (865)

it starts with a lighthouse - bioshock (385)

here's a truth - IT (233)

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

i used to, i stopped recently because i got busy with grad school and cant always find the spoons lol i try to at least respond to questions, concerns, and also if i finish a fic!!

What’s the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

probably a tie between sparks amidst snow and unseen, both very depressing character studies for the untamed. jin zixuan and lan xichen, respectively. you can understand where the angst came from lmao

What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

hmmmm probably break of dawn?? i like to write happy-ish endings esp for long things, just to reward the reader for sticking around for a long fic lol. but break of dawn ended with john and kaidan getting married, leaving the military, and getting a dog. so. absolutely the best case scenario and very happy lmao

Do you get hate on fics?

honestly not really. i got some on mass effect ones but that was more character hate which i shut down hard, rather than hate on the fic lol i either dont write much that's controversial, or i sell it well enough no one bitches lmao

Do you write smut? If so what kind?

i do! most of my longfics feature smut, i enjoy it in my romance

Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

i do occasionally, though not as much recently. i despise fusions though lmfaooo

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

if i have im not aware! lmao

Have you ever had a fic translated?

sadly no :c

Have you ever cowritten a fic before?

i have not!! im a control fic idek if i'd like it if im honest lol

What’s your all-time favourite ship?

why would you ask me this. i have way too many favs but i do think tuckington of rvb and mshenko of mass effect will be with me foreverrrr

What’s a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

i choose to believe i will finish all my WIPs, no matter how long it's been since i touched it!! if i start it i intend to finish.

What are your writing strengths?

dialogue and describing environments!! also plot.

What are your writing weaknesses?

pacinggggggg, and character arcs imo. i can do them and they turn out well if i try hard, but i do have to try really hard/do a lot of rereading and organizing

Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

if im writing fic for a fandom that's not english-speaking, like the untamed, i will use words in mandarin if they are a proper noun/name of a place/etc. i also tend to keep it untranslated for titles and for diminutives/honorifics that lose meaning or impact when translated to english. that's it, though.

if i were to be writing a character liiiike james vega in mass effect who speaks spanglish occasionally, i'll be real sparing about it tbh. if i dont know someone who speaks a lot of spanglish or speak it myself, i'd rather just take it easy on that and not look like a dumbass/be offensive lol esp since with a property like mass effect it's really questionable if canon is even accurate lmao so you cant even go off of that

First fandom you wrote for?

starfox adventures dlgkhapodih yeah the gamecube rpg. best game ever btw

Favorite fic you’ve ever written?

this is so hard lmao but i think it's probably break of dawn. writing that fic was such a joy and the interaction with the fandom was something i haven't experienced since!!

if you read this, you're tagged!!!

[kazuichikazuichi]

"When you get this, you have to answer 5 things you like about yourself publicly!"

thank you for tagging me @1medichan1 and @catcrazy-blog !!! <3<3<3

bit long, so if you don't wanna read that's fine, it's all under the 'keep reading'! also tagged some people to continue the chain at the end, but it's totally fine if you choose not to take part! no pressure :)

this took a LOT of mental energy lol but im proud of myself for coming up with 5 things!!

i like how passionate i am about danganronpa! and i knowww that might sound like a silly thing to put on this list, but it's true. being an active part of this fandom has made me the happiest i've been in a long time! i love these silly little characters with all of my heart, and sharing my interests with like-minded people has been so much fun. and also, liking danganronpa has kind of contributed to all of the things on this list, so i just feel it's helped me like myself a lot more as a person!

i like that i am queer :) lol not to make this post depressing but i've spent so many years hating myself for who i am, and i feel like i'm actually finally starting to accept myself properly. still don't know exactly what label fits my sexuality (or gender lol) but i think queer suits me, and it feels nice to know there are so many people like me in one way or another!!

i likeeee hmm i like my height! again, it's something i've disliked about myself for years, ive always wanted to be a bit taller, but after realising i'm the same height as fuyuhiko, i like it more now! whenever i see a picture of him with anyone else e.g. a screenshot from the anime i just mentally go ooooo so that is how tall i would look next to them!! so my height makes me happier than it used to :)

i like that i'm creative! sometimes i dislike the art or writing or whatever i make, but i'm proud of myself for pushing through and practicing my skills regardless. i won't get any better if i don't practice, right? so i've got to keep going!! :D

hmmmm, last thing. i like that i'm quite good with animals! definitely not gundham level lol but i have 4 cats, i raised them all from feral strays practically by myself and i think they love me a lot! sometimes i have to spend hours just like rolling a ball for one of them to play with.... and it's..... exhausting (😭😭) but i love them dearly.

the end!! i will taggg @tenkoandkaede, @ileshkve and @hugeresolve to recreate the post too, with 5 things you like about yourself, but absolutely no pressure to take part if you don't want to!! entirely up to you :) and if anyone i didn't tag sees this then feel free to take part as well and spread more positivity!!

[brick-a-doodle-do]

Ohhh you got any Christmas headcannons for your aus? To get into the holiday spirit😂😂 Tinies are just perfect elves or i just imagine borrowers with humans unware of their existence get tiny presents from the tinies in their house, finding and returning something they lost as like a christmas miracle for angst/comfort😌😌

christmas headcannons for my aus you want, christmas headcannons for my aus you'll get :)

christmas vacation 2(?) but it's crashed au!! the three of them have a pretty good idea of when they crashed (tommy & tubbo both have phones that survived (they're dead by now) so they kept track of the calendar for a while until it just became a thing they wrote down elsewhere

SOO naturally they got very excited for christmas time :] while everything was pretty much shit in the three of their lives, tommy and tubbo were persistent in at least trying to make it festive >:D

also the cooler weather makes a greeeeeat setting for noms to happen : )

i seriously don't talk about this au enough but SOMETHINGS BREWING AU AT CHRISTMAS

potions and magic to make christmas decorations and the two of them putting away the fact that they're stuck just for a day so they can decorate >>>

and also wilbur has picked up the hobby of cooking so baking doesn't come far after idk i think that them making christmas desserts together is a cute thought :']]

also the two of them totally make cool potions for each other for presents >:)c

the easiest to think of it tiny workers au!! the park is all decorated, the tinies are all dressed up it's FESTIVE >:D

also wilbur would definitely rent out tommy for a few days so he can spend christmas w/ the three of them (bonus if beeduo comes along <3<3)

HMMMM WHAT OTHER AUS DO I HAVE

that is it for now because something happened and my brain shut down and my responses are becoming terribly slow </3

come back tomorrow i may be a bit more into everything :D /lh /nm

OKAY ONTO YOUR IDEAS !!!

uhm YES i love the idea of this

but something rlly sparked from your elf idea so have this!!!:

wilbur is extremeeeeely lonely. he's like classic fucking depressed shit who lives in a tiny apartment all alone with no social life and a standard lifestyle of work eat sleep repeat :D

tommy is a borrower, who's always been oddly intrigued by human stuff, collecting tooons of random shit when he finds the time to. and alongside this interest in human things, is human traditions !! in fact, he's very aware of the fact that christmas is less than a week away, and can't help but notice that while the city and other residents are preparing for it, his human is just continuing like normal.

he finds a box of christmas stuff in the small attic in the apartment, and takes it upon himself to try and slowly hint to wilbur that he should at least try and be festive

so he tries, and tries, and tries. for days, until christmas eve arrives and still, wilburs apartment is still just as it was.

so, while wilbur is asleep that night, he makes sure that his needs are met and does his absolute best at decorating (which he actually does a pretty good job at, considering the alone time and the fact that he's fairly creative)

wilbur wakes up, comes out, sees the decorations, and is at a complete loss of words.

much to tommy's dismay, turns out wilbur was completely aware of the fact that a borrower was trying to get his attention. he just thought that the guy had grown hungry or something close to it, and ignored it for a while. until christmas day, where he now engages in conversation with tommy and ends up meeting him :D

also it's very important that you know tommy gave wilbur a gift, which was a box full of a TON of crap he'd lost over the year and tommy had collected :) safe to say that wilbur was thankful and did take some things back, but ultimately ended up giving the majority of the things (like paperclips and random notepads) back to the borrower so he could push his curiosity and creativity along nicely :)

[monstergoblin]

The Owl Pirates Chapter Nine

First Chapter Tumblr Link HERE Previous Chapter Tumblr Link HERE Posted First On A03 Here  It’ll be updated on A03 first and might take me a bit to get to updating it here as I always seem to forget about my tumblr. <3

 Trigger Warnings Always Read Safe: Depression, Suicidal thoughts, Pushing down feelings, Overworking self to ignore feelings, Child Abuse (Belos is a bitch okay), Gaslighting, Self Gaslighting, Manipulation, Injuries

Notes: Chapters will slow down on the posting as I might not have a s much free time soon <3 but I have been obsessing over this au I think it shows.

Chapter 9: Crime and Punishment

Hunter sat under the stairs awaiting his fate. It was cold on deck but he was told to stay out here. He deserved to be cold. Not like being cold really mattered once he faced Edas wrath.

       He had been careful to avoid Edas bad side. He didn’t want to see Eda angry. She was a pirate she had to be capable of far worse punishment than Belos ever did- And Hunter knew those could be scary.

       Hooty had taken to perching above Hunter going on some story about something, but Hunter hadn’t been listening in the first place. It was like the owl was completely unsympathetic to the fact Eda was probably going to have his head.

       It had only been a week how did he screw up so fast.

       No wonder uncle saw him as useless.

       He would die then. Simple as that. He might be tortured for answers - but Eda had already said she didn’t think he had any- and then he would die. 

       “And then Luz punched the bitch in the face. Man did he deserve it too, kept calling me annoying. Could you imagine. Me annoying.” Hooty kept going from above Hunter's hiding place.

       It made Hunter wonder if Hooty was their form of torture.

       “Anyway we got out of their super fast but not without a few extraaaas. I bet you were wondering when Camila joined the crew hmmmm!” Hooty cooed. “Well Luz-”

       Hunter froze when the owl stopped talking.

       It meant someone had made it back to the ship.

       Eda was back on the ship.

       He couldn’t breath as he crawled himself deeper under the stairs. It was pointless he knew but it felt better.

       “Oh I was just getting to the good part.” Hooty whined.

       “Too bad. up up.” Edas sounded mad- or at the very least fed up. She gave the navy boy a chance- a chance Hunter was supposed to use but he was always good at messing everything up.

       “Aw okay.” Hooty flew away with the fluttering of wings.

       “Okay kiddo.” Edas face appeared in the gap of light Hunter had. “You’ve got two choices. We talk here, or we talk in my quarters. If I were you I’d take the second one, I’m happier in my quarters.”

       She was mad.

       Hunter was dead.

       He slowly crawled out trying to come up with some way to get out of this situation, but he couldn’t leave. There was no chance of Belos taking him back now, more of a failure than he already was. But he couldn’t really stay either.

       “Lilith, Fetch Camila.” Eda snapped to the woman who had walked up with her. 

       Lilith gave a little nod before disappearing to find her.

       The silent walk to Edas quarters was like Hunters walk to a guillotine. Except he wouldn’t die in front of a crowd, no he was already supposed to be dead anyway. If he was to die by Edas sword, so be it.

       Eda held the door open for him and then motioned him to sit in one of the chairs. She herself took her seat in the captain's chair then put her elbow on the desk to support her head in her hands.

       “What were you looking for?” She demanded clicking her nails against the desk annoyed.

       “I don’t know.” Hunters voice was a lot quieter than he planned for it to be.

       Eda raised an eyebrow and scoffed. “You don’t know.” She leaned back in her chair and crossed her arms. “You don’t know. You came into the captains quarters and don’t know what you were looking for?”

       Hunter couldn’t bring his eyes to look anywhere but his hands in his lap.

       “At least have a plan before you do something stupid.” Eda sighed. “You can’t break into the most wanted captain's quarters without a goal in mind. What were you even trying to do? Get something to use against me? I thought you figured that out already, knucklehead.”

       She knew he was planning something the whole time.

       Of course she knew Hunter was a terrible liar everyone always told him that.

       “Look, you don't have to look so pathetic.” Eda stated. “I’m not going to kill you over this.” 

       Hunter dared to look up at Eda. She truly didn’t look angry. She just looked disappointed? Or maybe annoyed? 

       “Everyones been keeping an eye on you. We both know you know that. We knew you’d do something stupid it’s in your blood but there is one reason I’m not throwing you overboard right now kid.” Eda explained. “And it’s not because Luz has hope for you- that girl is pure hearted but naive. No, I’m keeping you alive because Camila has a damn point.”

       What would Camila have a point about Hunter?

       “We’ve been talking a lot about you Hunter.” Eda kept on. “She has this way of realizing things that I’m too busy to see. It’s how she became my first mate. Something happened to you Hunter, and you have every right to be upset about it. Not everyone can survive being tossed into the sea.” Eda sat up straight now and looked Hunter in the eye. “You told me to just kill you when you arrived. Are you still wanting me to do that?”

       “Doesn’t matter.” Hunter grumbled. “I’m supposed to be dead anyway.”

       “So you want me to kill you?” Eda asked.

       No- Yes?  

       No he didn't but he was supposed to be dead and his only chance was to turn them in but he screwed that up didn’t he. If he was going to get kicked off this boat they might as well just do him in now. It would be better dying by a pirate's hands then his uncles.

       Hunter nodded.       

       “Then why are you crying?” Eda sighed. 

       He had been so focused on answering and listening that Hunter hadn’t realized his vision blurring. His breath catching. His lungs hurting.

       “I gave you plenty of gold to buy things and passage out of here.” Eda explained. “But you clearly stuck around. You don’t have anywhere to go huh?”

       Hunter dug his nails into his arms trying to will himself to calm down. It all felt so pointless if Eda had been on to his poor excuse of plans since the beginning. Why did they let him stay? Why not just toss him back in the water?

       “Eda?” Camila entered through the door and was quick to close it as she looked at Hunter. “Oh, pobre nino, “ She leaned down next to Hunter's chair and put her hand on his arm.

       Her touch burned but not in the way Hunter was used to. It burned because it felt wrong. He should be being punished and she was being soft. Soft, kind, gentle. He wanted her to let go but he also wanted to believe whatever trickery this was.

       “What did you decide, captain?” Camila asked with a hint of disapproval in her voice.

       “Haven’t decided anything yet.” Eda sighed. “He is too much of a mess for me to actually decide, you’re the better mother here, what's your input?”

       Hunter closed his eyes both to hide from whatever decisions the woman came up with and a poor attempt to stop his tears. He was better than this. He shouldn’t lose his composer like this. Uncle would be disappointed to see him behaving in such a way. Uncle would be disappointed to see him alive.

       He could help the hiccup of a breath he took and could only hope that wasn’t going to make the two women more angry.

       “Hunter, look at me.” Camila ordered.

       Hunter was ever an obedient boy. Her gaze wasn’t cold and harsh, no her eyes were soft and she had a small smile on her lips. 

       “Why did you sneak into Edas quarters?” Camila asked. In a soft voice. How was she supposed to get answers like that? 

       The tactic was very effective however.

       “It was stupid.” Hunter whispered.

       “Yes it was.” Camila sighed as she let go of Hunters arm and turned to Eda. 

       “Yeah.” Eda shrugged. “He didn’t have a plan.”

       “Clearly.” Camila took a seat in the third and last chair in the room. “How about dinner for a month?”

       No dinner for a month? That wasn’t death. Sure, Hunter would much rather they hit him or screamed at him, but he could live without dinner for a month. 

       “Can he even cook?” Eda looked over at Hunter.

       Cook?

       “You know what, I think it’s fine. Just, only adults helping him in the kitchen. I still don’t trust you not to try and steal the knives.” Eda leaned back in her chair. “You break into my quarters again and the punishment will get worse.”

       That was it? Cook dinner for a month? What was the catch? He broke into her quarters, the captain's quarters. Surely this was getting off way too easy.

       “Oh and we’ll have to keep up the shifts on watching you.” Camila added. “Was looking forward to not having to schedule that but it looks like you still need watched.”

       “Better get used to your babysitters.” Eda smirked.

       Hunter couldn’t help but sit there shocked. This was wrong. This was a trick? A trap? 

       “Why-” He started. 

       Why were they letting him stay?

       “I don’t know how they do it back at the navy. “ Eda shrugged. “I heard stories from Lilith about the strange ideals of it, but I run my ship my own way. It’s worked out so far, so don’t be the exception. This is your warning to not go looking for trouble, little owl.”

       “If you hurt anyone, Hunter, we will not forgive that.” Camila stated as she eyed the boy with a curious raise of her brows. “Perhaps it's time you think about if you really want to betray the people giving you a home?”

       “I’m still going to permit you to walk around Bumps docks with the other children. If you need more gold for passage I understand that, but you are still welcome to stay.” Eda stood up and walked around to open the door. “Now you’re free to go. If you do stay, your month of dinners will start tomorrow.”

       As Eda swung the door open and held it for Hunter. Lilith stood on the other side as if waiting. She had a smug look on her face as if she was happy Hunter got in trouble.

       “So?” She asked with a little look to Eda.

       “He’s going to cook dinner for a month,” Eda shrugged.

       “What?” Lilith looked appalled. “Eda, he's clearly against us.”

       Eda sighed and looked at Hunter. “Run along back to the crew's quarters.” She gestured with her head towards the door.

       Hunter was quick to jump up and obey- before she could come to her senses and change her decision. He squeezed past Lilith and practically ran with how fast he moved his legs.

       “What are you thinking?!” Liliths voice carried as she scolded Eda. “He could kill someone, he kills pirates everyday!”

       “He’s a kid, Lilly.”

       Hunter was glad to be out of range of the conversation. It felt unreal the whole interaction. Pirates were stupid, he was so lucky pirates were stupid. If he did something like this back home he’d get a proper punishment. He could help make dinner. That’s easy. 

       He didn’t immediately go into the crew's quarters, he was going to- he didn’t want to risk actually invoking Edas wrath upon him, but what if someone was in there and he was still a mess.

       He sat in a corner near the door trying to calm himself down.

       It was silly. Why did he feel so relieved?

       Maybe he still had a chance to make Belos proud.

-------------

       “So that’s it then! You’re just letting him stay?” Lilith shouted, she seemed to think raising her voice was proving her point. “He’s still loyal to Belos Eda. We can’t have him here. What if he stabs somebody. What if he kills somebody.”

       “We’re not giving him weapons.” Eda shrugged. “Besides you can’t honestly expect me to kill the child.”

       “At the very least send him away.” Lilith folded her arms. “You didn’t see him in action, Eda. He’s dangerous. He’s killed hundreds.”

       “So have we.” 

       “It’s different,” Lilith huffed. “We’re fighting to free people.”

       “And we’re doing a hell of a job with that aren’t we.” Eda snapped. “Besides, I remember Miss Prissy kissing Belos' ass not too long ago.”

       “I didn’t know he was insane!” Lilith defended.

       “And you think the child does!?” Eda was thankful the words shut Lilith up.  She stood opening and closing her mouth like she kept trying to find words. 

       “It’s different.” Lilith insisted.

       “Yeah?” Camila had been sitting quietly until now. She was not a fun person to make angry. Eda respected that. “Clearly it’s different. This is his uncle. Look at how that boy behaves. Something is wrong, you can’t ignore that!” She snapped.

       “He is a spoiled brat.” Lilith argued with not as much bite to her voice as before. She was realizing her mistake. Was actually listening now. Camila had that effect on people.

       “He’s covered in scars, put into a position of power at such a young age and he was thrown overboard.” Camila counted on her fingers. “What am I missing? Sure, he’s killed so have you Lilith. We took a chance on you, why would we not take a chance on this child?”

       Lilith kept her mouth shut, she looked to the ground away from both Eda and Camila.

       Eda loved having Camila in her corner. Most of the time it was Camila telling her she was stupid. Despite everything going on in the world, Camila always was more grounded then the rest of them.

       “Look Lilith, we know the boy is dangerous.” Eda put a hand on her sister's shoulder. “He broke into my quarters looking for some dirt on us, but he didn’t really have an idea what he was doing.”

       “So he claims.” Lilith sighed.

       “I’m worried he’s going to do something too.” Eda assured me. “But it would be wrong to throw the boy back into Belos' hands. Especially when he doesn’t want to go.”

       "I may have acted rashly.” Lilith agreed. “But I’m not going to let my guard down.”

       “Neither are we.” Eda smiled.

--------------

       Her feet pounded loudly up the gangway as she reached the top with a little hop. 

       “I win!” Luz declared throwing her hands in the air in victory. She looked back to see Willow not far behind her and Amity close on her tail. Matt however was taking his time keeping up, poor boy.

       “You guys are back late.” Gus was sitting on a barrel near the gangway waiting for them to return. 

       “We stuck around the whole show.” Luz explained trying to catch her breath as she leaned against the barrel. “How about you? You never miss a Hexside night.”

       “Hunter wasn’t up to it.” Gus shrugged. “There will be more.”

       “Beat you.” Willow smirked as she made it to the top looking back at Amity who was only a few steps behind.

       “That’s only because I tripped.” Amity sighed.

       “And who went back to help you?” Willow mocked. “I would’ve beat Luz too if I hadn’t.”

       “Hello.” Gus beamed as the two girls made it to the top. “How was Hexside?”

       “Fun as usual.” Willow took a place near the barrel to sit. “Matt complained the whole time.”

       “Sounds like him.” Gus chuckled.

       Matt made it to the top of the stairs last. He looked upset he had taken the longest but he was the one who denied wanting to race at first and got a slow start. 

       “Why were you not there!?” Matt accused, pointing a finger at Gus. 

       “Hun-” Gus started.

       “Where is the stupid navy boy anyway.” Matt looked around trying to spot the blond boy. “He takes up so much time and then doesn’t even want to have fun. What's wrong with him?”

       Luz could see Gus' amused chuckle under his breath. Matt had not wanted to go to Hexside his first night in Bumps port either. Now he looked forward to it even if he didn’t want to admit it. He wasn’t exactly good at hiding his true intentions.

       “Leave him be, Matty.” Gus hopped down off the barrel. “He’s had a long day.”

       “All days are the same length.” Matt complained but listened to Gus anyway.

       “Well you guys also missed a little- commotion.” Gus waved his hand trying to find the right word. 

       “Yeah? I was going to ask Eda about it.” Luz looked towards the captain's quarters. The light was still on so that meant Eda was up. “What happened?”

       “Hunter snuck into Edas quarters.” Gus explained. 

       “Oh?” Amity had taken to leaning on the railing. “Is that all?”

       “Lilith caught him. Scared him pretty good. Stuck Hooty on him too.” Gus shrugged. 

       “What was he even looking for?” Willow wondered.

       “I don’t know. He didn’t want passage out of here.” Gus explained. 

       “Is Eda kicking him out?” Matt asked, he almost sounded concerned. 

       “Nah, just more chores I think.” Gus shrugged. “He fell asleep outside the crews quarters and I haven’t had the heart to wake him up yet.”

       “Huh.” Luz let herself slide down to the ground as well. “Somethings up with the boy.”

       It didn’t need to be said. The whole crew already knew that. Had said it multiple times.

       No one could explain what was up with him. Only assume it had something to do with Belos or his near death experience. 

-----------

       “So Hunter, what will it be?” Terra towered over him with a grin. She always enjoyed the sick twisted things in life. Playing with emotions was one of her favorites. That's what this was- right?

       “You don’t have the authority.” Hunter stated crossing his arms. “I’m still technically your superior even if assigned your first mate this mission. You wouldn’t dare cross Belos.”

       “He was the one who ordered your death.” Terras grin somehow grew wider. “So how would you like to die, little dog?”

       A wave crashed over Hunter and he was back in the water. The cold powerful water watching IvyThorn leaving him to die as he struggled to stay afloat on the particularly rainy night. 

       He didn’t know why he was even fighting anymore.

       Hunter gasped for air shooting straight up in his hammock. 

       How was he out of the water? How was he alive? Where was he?

       He looked around as his sleepy state faded and his memory of the past week became more clear.

       He hadn’t remembered getting in his hammock or falling asleep. The last thing he remembered was sitting outside the quarters trying to calm himself enough to enter. 

       Someone had put him in his hammock.

       He wasn’t a helpless child; he didn't need someone to carry him to bed.

       It seemed everyone else had already left the quarters except for Perry who was snoring in the corner. He must’ve been on night watch. Hunter was careful not to wake him as he changed into some of his new clothing. He threw Edrics old outfit into the pile in the corner-that he would have to wash later.

       It did feel a little nice not wearing someone else's clothes. An outfit that he picked out. Plain black pants, a cream shirt and a yellow vest to match his uniform back in the navy. Back before he was left in the water and the outfit now unaccounted for.

       Hunter wondered if it was Edrics clothes he had woken up in then, and if Steve still had the uniform. He was too afraid to ask.

       He peeked out of the quarters before he left. In case someone was waiting out there to jump him and tell him he indeed was not off the hook for his stupid attempt last night. However no one confronted him.

       Even as he walked onto deck looking around to see Gilbert and Harvey having arranged a few barrels near the gangway so they could play cards while watching whoever entered or left. Hunter could only assume they were supposed to be watching for him now- but Eda had still given him the option to leave.

       Not that it mattered, his only option was to try to capture her or Lilith. 

       If he could pull that off which was looking doubtful.

       Not like he had a choice but to keep trying.

       “Perhaps it's time you think about if you really want to betray the people giving you a home?”

       Pirates were tricky to deal with. Twisting words to make it seem like he was in the wrong here. He was just doing a nearly impossible task for the greater good. Pirates deserved to be betrayed, hung and hunted after everything they’ve done.

       “You’re awake.” King sat above the doorway that led down to the lower level to get to the crews quarters. “I was wondering how long you were going to sleep.” He picked himself up with a little huff. 

       “Gus went with Matt today and Edric with Emira.” King hopped down narrowly missing landing on Hunter.

       “Okay?” Hunter backed away from the child, he felt safer around him when Luz was the main focus point. Hunter still didn’t know exactly if King was mermaid or siren or something else.

       “oh and Luz went with Amity.” King grabbed Hunters hand and started to lead him up the stairs. “So Willow told me to wait and watch for you. Eda wants them to be more strict about keeping eyes on you, but she thought watching you sleep was creepy.”

       Hunter followed the creature- as he wasn’t in any place to fight him. Especially not with him being Edas pets and he was not going to do anything else to piss off Eda.

       Willow was on the upper part of the deck moving barrels around. Why Hunter didn’t know, She seemed to just be boredly going through them.

       “I got him!” King announced as if it had been a hard task. 

       Willow raised her head from the barrel she had been looking in. “Oh?” She smiled. “Thank you King.”

       “You better get me something amazing!” King declared with a little stomp. “I’m thinking a big crown, or a cape.”

       “I’ll get you something good.” Willow patted Kings head as she passed. “You ready to go?” She asked Hunter with a tilt to her head.

       Of course it was her who was watching him. The one who always forced her way into helping. The one Hunter couldn’t really argue with because she was going to stubbornly do it anyway.

       “You could have woken me up.” Hunter stated he felt bad she missed her day off the ship. It was around noon from the look of the sun and she could’ve gotten a lot more done without him.

       “You have gotten up at the crack of dawn everyday you’ve been here.” Willow put her hands on her hips- but she still had a smile and light voice. “I was not about to wake you up the one day you sleep in. If you were Luz that’d be another story. She sleeps in just as badly as Eda does.” She started back down the stairs. “Now come on, There’s a lot you still haven’t seen yet.”

10TH Chapter Tumblr Link

[the25thviolence]

Writer Interview Thing

So this weekend I--- Lets roll this back a tad. So the beginning of this week I got super motivated to be creative but I work 4 day weeks of 10 hour shifts.  So I didn’t really time to do anything till now.  I want to finish 3 bits of writing this weekend and this is one of them. 

1. When did you start writing?

Actually writing in this form?  I’m not sure honestly.  I remember as like a teen writing poetry a little and writing my mom like a nice mothers day poem I made up.  She was convinced I took it from somewhere.  

Early writing was based on just too many feelings and or emotions inside of me and just needing a release.  Writing after that was because I could write to someone I cared about.  Which led to the early stages of this kind of writing.  

I actually pushed more into this because way back in the day when people rode around on dinosaurs a guy found some of my very first stories on a blog website.  He thought they were funny which is why some of my stories are the way they are today.  He also hosted my original website and writing for a few years back than. 

2. Favorite story you’ve written?

As the person who picked most these questions I don’t know why I fucking picked this one.  

I’m not sure, I really enjoyed writing the Summer Time Madness part with (Captain) Sean and the Kraken.  I have a huge soft spot for any part of a story where I use the ocean as symbolism for washing someone away.  

3. Favorite character?

I don’t think I remember all my characters to be honest.  It would be an insult to my own creation to not say Sean and the Girl/Princess/Ashley.  They’ve been in my head for over a decade now. 

Currently I really do enjoy Claire and the Baristas though. 

4. Best hidden message in a story you’ve written?

Hidden seems to be an abstract thought to me.  When I feel something is hidden it is apparently very obvious.  And when I feel something is obvious it is not noticed at all.  I think for now my favorite hidden.... You know I haven’t really fleshed this part out, written it, or come to a concrete thought on the matter.  But a certain character mite have connections to the girl from the star character from a very old story of mine.  Well Claire mite have that connection.  I’m not sure yet.  But the stars themselves mite be coming back to my stories. 

5. Why so many spelling and grammer errors? 

Short, because I can.

Long, hmmmm.  I didn’t like grow up smart.  I didn’t really start reading till like the 4th grade but than by the 5th grade I was devouring books.  Do to many personal issues in life (people dying and being extremely poor etc) I didn’t really try to do anything in school.  I graduated high school with one of the lowest possible GPAs because I thought I was going work at mcdonalds after I graduated.  Turns out I was so poor the government gave me money for college and I was able to attend community college and get an associates for free because of that.  The only and most depressing silver lining to having a parent die when your 12 years old. 

Basically I have no real education on the matter of writing.  

Also I can’t draw for shit. 

I can’t sing or make music for shit.  

I can’t paint. 

I can write, anyone can write.  I view writing much like someone would view painting.  Each word but a stroke on the canvas.  And every error or mistake but a drop of paint misplaced.  Now apart of something greater and beyond my control. 

I know its wrong but I heavily prefer my writing be a one shot.  Written once and released into the world.  I have slowly, very slowly, come to terms with editing and proof reading and all that nerd shit.  Its a process I am still heavily refusing to this day. 

Yes, grammer is spelt wrong on purpose you heathens. 

6. Any sneak peaks or future plans for writing?

Hmm

If the Moon can be apart of the story.  

A vessel of power. 

A weapon. 

A dramatic bit of symbolism. 

What of the sun than? 

7. Can you explain “The Void” and “Post Void”? 

Many parts of my life have shoved there whole hand into my chest and squeezed.  Every time it happens it feels worse than the time before.  I would call my high school years a void and everything after a post void.  I would call some years after losing someone I cared about in my twenties a void than post void.  And this rehash of loving people and losing people another void than post void.  Depression is crippling.  Depression has ruined every single tooth inside my mouth.  To the scars on my body to the tattoo on my wrist.  

Simply a void is when life wraps its cold star ridden hands around my neck and holds me still till I either die or stand back up. 

And post void is everything that happens after.  Consequences and all.  Standing back up always comes at a price and I pay it greedily each time. 

8. Does anyone in your family know that you write?

No? I guess some know I scribbled at one point as a hobby.  But no one for sure knows about Once Was A Stranger.  

If anyone is curious as to why.  I don’t trust my family with the deep bits of my existence.  As the youngest of 6 kids nothing I do will ever have a strong meaning. 

9.  “Why am I not a main character?”

I can’t tell if this a question from my good friend twchh or from Sean himself.  Sir, I could never capture your essence in simple words.  God could give me the canopy of the night sky and I still wouldn’t be able to put you into mere words with all that space. 

10. “How much of Once Was A Stranger is actually inspired by/based on reality and how much of it is me misreading it as that.”

Warning: A friend/peer/tortured proof reader asked me this question so I up chucked a metric ton of words on the subject.  This is the last question here and its full of non-organized words. 

This is going to be a really really really long answer and I will try my best to make it as coherent as possible.  I’ve reread this story multiple times to better answer this. 

Its so hard to explain everything without shoving 86 links with 86 different stories down your throat.  Once Was A Stranger was every bit of writing I ever tried to write in my life.  I was finally able to reign in my scatter brain and write a complete story in the style I desired.  I have some small regrets still on some parts.  I had really big expectations for the market scene where the Stranger gives his big speech.  I tried for a really long time to write that part and just couldn’t do it.  Which is why the scene is so.... off center and cuts off.   It works just well enough to fit its role in the story but I wanted so much more from that section of the story. 

I am already off track. 

I’ll start with the characters. 

Sean

Sean for all intensive purposes is my first character.  Like my first character ever.  Sean is a major carry over from my first stories I’ve written.  Why the name? Because I liked it.  Sometimes it reminds me of the Shawn meme from that one video game (SHAWN!).  Sean’s shtick is that he was a thought, a happy little day dream, a fantasy trapped in some girls head.  And he was used by the girl to make herself happy.  But one day he started slowly growing free will and becoming alive.  He would turn against the girl in her dreams trying to escape.  The girl would often “reset” him back to a basic little fantasy but suddenly it didn’t work.  I never finished this story, I knew how it was going to end, but I never finished it.  

Princess

Princess is just the---the girl---every single girl from every story.  Most precisely the girl from Beads that used Sean as an escape inside her own head.  I used to know a person a lifetime ago.  A very very very long lifetime ago.  This character was based off of them and the relationship I had with them. 

Jim

Now this one is funny.  While rereading the story I didn’t realize that this mite be read as a problematic name for people who knew me.  I’m not sure if this was a separate story or a part of Beads (Beads was my first too much for me to handle large scale failed story attempt).  

But Jim is named after an old one off character.  His full name was Jim the goldfish.  Jim the goldfish lived on an alien planet full of goldfish.  Jim’s wife left him and he was drafted into the army to fight in non copyright infringing battle suits (much like gundams but totally not gundams).  In this story the ruling class, the Kardashians (yes, those ones) were battling revolutionaries to keep there power.   They got this power  by abusing the exchange rates between there planet and earth.  And they used that money to get amazing plastic surgery and become famous on earth.   The “Sean” character, a guy in a pair of white nikes drifting thru space (was and still am a huge kid cudi fan) was drifting past this scene in the story.  

Stranger

Once Was A Stranger.   Not much in the story really takes inspiration from my life till the end.  But the title.  The act of writing this story.  The life I breathed into it and the immortal bit of lightning it threw back at me.   The title is very strongly based on events from my life.  Thus he was titled.  For he was a stranger.  Much like myself. 

List of all the references:

Stars: I have a great personal desire to escape life, all of it.  And stars are about as far away as you can get.  I once wrote a story about a fallen star who met a strange boy.  Boy and girl.  Sean and princess, etc.  Boy obviously had problems at home.  Girl was a star exploding with life not wanting to go back to the night sky.  Not that bad of a story I think this still exists and is readable somewhere.

Succulent plants:  A small reference to a person someone tried to make me friends with and the interaction of wanting to own plants but not being capable of keeping them alive so they were suggested to me.  I thought they best fit the character for this story.  Kind of like a foreshadow to Jim having a darker bit of torment inside of him. 

The Actual Moon

Honestly, I have no real clue.  I wanted something great to destroy.  I have more to explore and write about in future stories so I won’t get into too much detail.  Big kid cudi fan (man on the moon).  Its in space and away from here.  Big and bright and in the sky.   Also completely crazy concept to try and fight it.  

King/Princess/Royalty

The girl is referred to as Princess as like an emotional show of importance.  The way the girl from the star story was a star.  And in that same story her father was the morning star always searching for her till the last moment each morning.  The princess had a king.  Someone of authority who did not like the stranger.  What? A girl with a father who didn’t like the boy.  Crazy.  That’s totally never happened to anyone before.  

The napkins in the end scene.

Unicorn/Bear/Mysterious monster

These are all references to old bit of writing pieces or short stories I’ve written.  Sean even notes his white sneakers aka the white nikes story. And this is all a deeper reference to the fact all those stories have long been deleted.  I had a...

I had a. 

A blackhole void consumed my life.  

An irl friend had to come grab me out my house one day to make me move.  

I deleted almost every single part of my online presence because of that.  

Many references in Once Was A Stranger are from long deleted stories. I think I wanted to acknowledge them and pay my respects even though I was the one that deleted those stories.

Repeated phrases/bits

Because I find them entertaining and this was my story.  The telling time by the stars or sun.  Repeated phrases.  Etc etc etc.  My favorite part of Once Was A Stranger was slightly noting the writer was apparent to the characters.   It wasn’t breaking the 4th wall in my opinion because the writer, myself, was in fact also a character in this story.  

Sliding between Sean and Jim and different parts of the story

This was a major shoutout to Beads and to what that story could of been if I was a better writer at the time.  To make it seem like the Princess was trapped between stories.  A turn on the original Beads where Sean was strapped between stories.  

Sean/Jim 

Were they the same?  Different sides of the same coin.  Not to spoil future stories yet to be written too much.  They represented the split between my long time main character. I’m not sure if there any really parallels between nice Jim becoming angry and angry Sean becoming nice.  I think I was in too deep of an emotional space at the time of writing to really know. 

Baristas

I have no idea.  That just sprouted in my brain.  They became apart of the story than proceeded to get there own “spinoff” story.  

Late game writing

Yeah yeah yeah yeah

Yep

You read these parts

I guess I should spell this out. 

Knife.

The void

This all hurts to talk about honestly. 

I’ve been kicking the words for this around in my head lately.  Hoping to write something that would relieve the pain a little.  

I was in love with someone.  It was unrequited.  And it caused a forest of stars to sprout and take root in my heart.  And it made someone very very very close to me hate me.  Hate me so much.  It felt like they stabbed me in my chest with a knife.  Trying to kill the forest of stars inside my heart.  To kill that love.  That unrequited love.  A deep bit of selfishness shared all around.  All because we loved the same person.  

As far as the story is concerned.  Sean, The Stranger, twisted and turned.  And now the knife was in there hand.  New name and all.   

The Ocean

As far back as Beads I have always used the ocean as a way to cleanse.  Clean.  Restart.  Change.  Give birth to.  The ocean is as much life as it is monstrous and uncontrollable.  The ocean cleansed this story and gave a rebirth to the boy and the girl.  Or a death.  They walked purposely into the open arms of the ocean.  

Ashley

This is the shortest answer.  Big fan of Halsey. 

I’m not very good at putting things in order.  Jesus H Christ that much is obvious.  I hope they shined random bits of light on some things. 

This is the end of this bit of writing.  And I am completely open to follow up questions.  I know only one person mite have them but you know how to contact me and scream insanity into my ear. 

[ibelieveinghost]

6/12/24

firstly, i got that job.

i got that job.

i got that job.

the offer came exactly a week ago, and somehow i never cared to write (more like, bark) about it. now i had a few drinks and some quiet time(not exactly worry-free)... so, i'll write something.

i think i know what this it. it is just one thing after another. this time i'm 100% fulfilling my DREAM and getting everything i wanted out of the situation... it feels nice. i feel calm, a little stressed, and somewhat confused. it feels kinda unreal seeing how folks who had witnessed how hard i worked for this were so so happy for me. i don't think i had my moment of pure joy/excitement yet. if anything i felt small, and indifferent. weird stuff, this.

anyway. been working with the lawyer(who's very kind and responsive, to my surprise) to work out the visa situation. can't believe i'm renewing it again. only had my current one for less than 2 months lol. why does everything happen so freaking fast???

i miss rambling like this. i used to write so much more often. gosh, i used to write every other day. what stops me? or is it like i'm going through some cycle, and i will cycle back to writing a lot eventually, again. haha, i think that is what it is.

ok now reflection time. hmmmm. ok. friendship. ugh, the big one. well. hmm. can't seem to be able to put my thoughts into words rn, but friendship has been on my mind. ok

what's next. creative stuff. hmm. haven't done that in a while, not even once after my art show a few weeks ago. i was fully consumed by the interviews then the offer. and honestly, honestly. haven't been doing anything that's unrelated. really need to work on this work-life balance thing huh.

this so far has been a rather...depressing post for sharing the ultimate good news. so what else. had dinner last night w/ K at my fav Chinese restaurant and had my fav dish(the eggplant stir-fry is fucking 🔥). my beloved roommates threw a party for me the day before yesterday, at that fancy wine bar with ridiculously good bar food. ket postponing the Okinawa trip w/ my roommate and feeling real bad about it(not like i want it like this. got too much on my plate T_T) been buying a ton of (good) shit since the offer bc the salary package exceed my expectation by at least 20%. so far i've got 3 new inks and 2 new fountain pens, and some misc. miffy goods lol

circling back to the friendship talk. from now on i will be more mindful about whom i'm spending time with. i've always believed in people's intentions being what matter, but the actions and the energy, man. that. that shit is real. me at my current capacity can not handle too much of negativity and thoughtlessness. that's that.

okay! guess i'll end here. got another lunch date with Domi tomorrow. haven't seen her in a long while...i'll try writing more here.

it's a promise then!

[solarshadow]

7, 9, 57, 59, 71

7. Earbuds or headphones?

Okay so earbuds do not fit in my ears. They never have and it is so frustrating lol. Like sometimes I just want to lay in bed and listen to music without having to wear giant clunky headphones. But alas, it is not meant to be. :(

In general, I do prefer over the ear headphones because they're more comfy and sound better. (And they also fit).

9. Favorite smell in the summer?

Hmmmm. This is a hard one. Maybe the smell of zeppoles and funnel cake at summer carnivals? I love getting anything with fried dough and powdered sugar on it and usually go to carnivals just so I can snag some. I love the summer time and ;w; like just being able to smell all the food at a carnival is great.

57. The three biggest struggles you’ve overcome?

-> I managed to move out of my abusive household and have started healing. It's been really hard unlearning some of my habits due to trauma and I have a long way to go but I'm making progress.

-> Being able to move my arm after two surgeries. The first time I hurt my shoulder and got surgery I went to PT for a long time only to learn that I had bone spurs and scar tissue that kept me from being able to lift it. Then I got surgery again and had to go to PT all over again. I've got six scars to show for it and can lift it all the way.

-> My mind? I guess? With anxiety, depression and PTSD just living every day can be really hard? I constantly overthink everything and criticize myself and don't want anything less than perfection and just oof. Big oof. But I'm still here? I'm doing okay despite everything?

59. If you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be?

UH. relgrkngktrnlkehntrlkhntklynhkytnhjrt. I have no idea. I can't think of anything that doesn't sound ridiculous lol.

71. Least favorite pattern?

Design wise? I am not a fan of zig zags? I guess? lol

[rubylarkspur22]

Wouldn't she have some serious Anger issues in her grieving process, I mean she literally lost her only remaining family member (Anon from the Nezuko grief fic promt)

Hmmmm. Good point. Anger is a stage of grief. I didn't really take it into consideration because I was basing it off memories of my own experiences with grief. I don't recall having an anger stage in my own grieving process. Don't get me wrong, I may have blocked the memories, but that is what I can recall.

While yes, anger is a stage of grief, I won't say it's a constant problem after the loss. Especially with the right support system. Which she most likely gets, thanks to the people who care about her(i.e. Zenitsu and Inosuke), and people who can empathize with her(i.e. Giyuu, maybe Kanao and Sanemi).

So I will make an addendum to my initial answer:

Nezuko does have times where she's angry. At first, she doesn't know where to direct it, so she struggles with handling it in a healthy manner and ends up blaming either herself or someone else for Tanjirou dying.

But as time goes on, and she processes her grief and trauma and develops proper coping mechanisms, she also knows where to direct her anger; Kibutsuji. The monster who murdered her family, the monster who turned her into a demon, the monster whose actions directly started Tanjirou on his journey and subsequently led to Tanjirou's death. Kibutsuji is to blame, and Nezuko reminds herself of that when her anger rises and she wants to lash out.

So, while Nezuko would go through that phase of anger, I think she would gradually ease up and eventually shift into the next stage of grief. Whichever stage that happens to be(I only know the 5-stage model; Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance. I don't know the 7-stage model.). Of course, this isn't to say she moves on, she is still very hung up on the loss. But it gets a little easier as time goes on.

Of course, her grief process is bound to last longer than average because she's not only grieving Tanjirou, whose death is much more recent, she's also grieving her mother and siblings' deaths 2 1/2-3 years prior. I don't think she really got a chance to process that loss due to being turned into a demon in the same night they were killed. Not to mention the hypnosis she was under until the RLD Arc.

*sudden realization* Oh, she's gonna be a mess. She's gonna need so many hugs, and a really good therapist.

[findsilver]

i’ve been reading up on paul’s cocaine use in the late ‘60s, and he was the first beatle to actually use it, and apparently it got some worried voices from the other beatles at first, telling him he’s broaching on serious drugs now, which is kind of funny considering how into lsd john and george were at the time. but trust paul to do coke and then try to balance it out with weed during the sgt. pepper era, which is when he lost so much weight. anyway, he gave it up for two main reasons, one being an unpleasant feeling in his throat after using, and the other is feeling too depressed when he was coming off the high.

[themoonandvenuslovechild]

Hmmmm what about Drukkari x reader where Druig believes less and less in their mission and Arishem and without meaning to he distances himself from reader and Makkari (already his lovers) because unconsciously he knows that there will be a point where he won’t be able to stand it anymore and will want to leave but he thinks they wouldn’t go with him because they believe in Ajak. But them both cut his angst boy energy short and make sure he knows that what you 3 have is more important than any mission. I just crave fluff for them. 😫

Not His Mission to Follow Anymore 

 TW// mentions of depression, angsty shit, bad communication for a little bit, fluffy end 

Pairing: Drukkari x Reader

   Druig didn’t believe in the mission anymore. As he watched humanity destroy each other and couldn’t interfere, he began to feel used by Arishem, and he was tired of it. He loved his family, he loved the team, but he didn’t want to not interfere anymore.

   He loved you and Makkari most of all, and he knew how bad it was going to hurt him to pull away, but he didn’t think you’d leave with him. He thought the two of you would always choose the team over him, it saddened him, but he did what he could to be okay with it.

   When Druig started pulling away, you were the first to notice. He used to be so touchy with you since he knew touch was your love language. He would kiss you and hug you and somehow there would always be a hand or a leg or his head on you. He was always by your side…but then he wasn’t. He stopped kissing you, the hugs became shorter, he began standing further away, he wasn’t okay and you knew it.

   Makkari saw it too, she could see the dull look in his eyes, he could see the pain and internal conflict. Makkari could see that Druig was suffering and just couldn’t find out why.

   It eventually got so bad that he wouldn’t sleep in the same bedroom as you, and he barely spoke to either of you. Your lover wasn’t your lover anymore, he was a shell of himself.

   It had taken a toll on yourself and on Makkari. Both of you were incredibly depressed, barely able to pull yourselves out of bed. You had each other, but you weren’t complete without your third and it would always be that way. So when Makkari proposed that the two of you talk to him about it, you were completely on board.

   Getting him alone hadn’t been the difficult part, the difficult part was getting him to stay. He was already alone when the two of you approached him.

   “Hey,” you called out to him, alerting him of your presence.

   His head whipped around as he began to speak, “Hello, I was just leaving.”

   “No.” Makkari is direct with what she wants, he needed to stay.

   “No?”

   “No. The three of us need to have a talk.”

   Druig’s heart clenches as a fear spreads throughout his body. That fierceness in Makkari’s eyes was never a good thing, and he knew that soon she’d tell him it’s over, that it was just you and her now.

   He was surprised when she didn’t, her beautiful brown eyes looked at him with concern. “We’re worried about you, Druig.”

   You nod softly, butting in to let him know you feel this way as well. “You‘ve been avoiding us…it feels like you don’t love us anymore, and you’re so cold and distant, and I want to help, Dru, I do, but I need to know what’s wrong first.”

   He sighs, feeling horrible for the pain he knows you both feel. “I want to leave.”

   You and Makkari both are taken aback by his statement, tears filling your eyes.

   “No! I don’t want to leave you, either of you. I don’t believe in what we were sent here for anymore. I want to leave the team and help the humans, and I didn’t want to feel the pain of you choosing them over me.”

   “We would never choose them over you,” Makkari signs with an astonished look on her face.

   “Yeah, you’re our Dru, we can’t live without you. You always come first.” You lift a hand to his face and he nuzzles his face into it, relishing in the first touch he’s had from you in weeks. At his reaction you plop down into his lap and squeeze him into a tight hug.

   “Let us come with you,” you say, muffled against his shirt. “Wherever you go let us come.”

   “You’re always welcome to come with me, my beautiful girls. You’re the only things i truly care about.”

   Makkari smiles, and joins the hug, nuzzling her nose against both of you.

   Druig knew then that he’d have you both forever, and that the three of you were made for each other, fitting together like pieces of a puzzle.