#holding myself back from talking abt what i do and don't like bc there's something about that show that makes me uneasy in hindsight

[mythicalartisttm]

You get an extra ask from me because why not 😉

What's an obscure interest that you have that maybe not many people know of or have heard of? >w>

Tenkai Knights, a beloved from younger days, right up there with Beyblade and Pokemon. It's got pretty low rating apparently? which is sad from what i remember of it, it's hilarious, and the concept was pretty unique and fun too. It's both a magical and a mecha; the boys transformed into the mechas, plus a short transformation sequence! And when they were mechas, they could combine into things like bigger mechas and planes. There were/are 2 main/major points of disappointment though, and they're (sadly) easy fixes too, so I wonder how they got overlooked when the writers were going at it (i still get a little worked up when i think about them too often, UGH). Also the show turns 10 this year!!!! Happy birthday to my favorite magical boys <3

[poppy-metal]

smth abt jordan and their playstation 😔😔 think they'd be v serious about it. sneaking out of their bed while u nap bc, as much as they want to stay wrapped around you, they promised someone or another they'd play w them. love them immeasurably but they'd probably wake you up w their hushed cursing into their headset.

they notice u moving out of the corner of their eye, glancing away from their screen for just a second to see u rub the sleep from your eyes.

"did i wake you up, baby? i'm sorry."

you grumbling out a response, turning to watch them play whatever trashy shooter game they had pulled up.

think if you got all whiny w them, pouting around a "jordan," missing their warmth pressed close to your body, they'd sigh, casting their eyes over to you n muting themself.

"c'mere." and you basically have no choice but to pad over to them--know when you got close enough they'd pull you into their lap w their free hand on your waist. leaning back against them, sat right on their strong thigh--their hand slipping under your shirt to hold your waist. planting a lingering kiss on ur forehead while you nestle ur head into the crook of their neck, brain fuzzy n warm even as they unmute, back to focusing on their game. but the way they run their thumb over the soft skin of ur stomach, turning to kiss your temple every once in a while, is enough to keep you content. more than content w their thigh sitting against ur cunt but we don't have to get into it.

🦸‍♀️

running out of thought s in my head but 😋 back in poppy's asks!!!

what if i tossed myself into the sea what then !!!!!!

laying your head on their chest, watching them play in a kind of comfortable fog, you hear the warm steady beat of their heart under your ear, the vibration of their voice whenever they talk to their friends on the headset, the flex of their arms as they work the controller in their hands. you can't help but notice and be attracted to the small things like that. you feel slick start to pool between your thighs at the way they so easily shift you in their lap and adjust you so you're more comfy. so considerate and in tune with you even when they're distracted. you find yourself tilting your head to watch their profile, they get to serious about these games, its kinda cute. they way they bite their bottom lip in focus. not even brushing away the hair that falls across their forehead. you get it for them, reaching up to tuck the dark strands behind their ear.

they glance down at you, give you that dimpled distracted smile, and lean down to give you a kiss. on the crown of your head. they say, just to you, reaching up to cover the mic with their palm, "I'll just be a few minutes, baby, is that alright? then we'll do something - or nothing. whatever you want."

you smile and lean up to kiss that defined jaw. soft and sweet. snuggle back into their chest, "take as long as you want, j, m'happy here."

they kiss you again, this time letting their nose linger in your crown for a tender second. their hand comes up and then they're tilting your face again, this time kissing your lips. they moan into it a little, feeling your nipples press against them and inhale sharply when they pull away. "yeah - ill. I'm just gonna finish this round."

you giggle, loving how they're always so hungry for you. get an excited tingle in your belly at the prospect of them taking you back to bed soon.

[couch-house]

2023 baybeeeee. havent done an art summary in a while since i basically stopped drawing early 2020 and didn't get back on the horse until mid-2022 (i wonder... what could have caused that!) i dont feel like my art has really changed this year, only in the ways that I draw specific sonic characters (looking through my archive is fun bc i can see the progression of the diseases known as Giving Them Big Eyebrows and Drawing The Monoeye) and--more exciting 4 me--my practice with paneling comics! :)

i think the progression is much more noticeably when you line it up with last year's sonic art... i can see all the Milestones.. more talking abt that under the cut

May: couch gets into sonic. June: Yucky Sonic 1.0. this was also the month when i Heard Of fleetway super. July: couch comes back from brazil, having read stc. this is also when i start dong actual short comics. compare may -> june -> july. (also please forgive whatever tf i was doing with skintones. i needed some practice)

august: merger au takes shape. dog invented. also i just really like that speed racer sonic mspaint picture. its fun :) september: deep in the fleet mines. october: i lose a lot of steam and mostly just doodle. another comic comparison for those three months:

november: frontiers comes out. i go crazy mode and make that sonic + knuckles comic with the pretty backgrounds and LOTS OF TINY TEXT. december: winter break AND im tired. january 2023 i come back insane crazy mode and write some fanfiction?? still havent finished that LOL. made some nice cover art :) february: i shift into knuckles mode fora month. make another comic. this one is much better i think :) november -> february

march: i shift into transfem metal sonic mode. also just stick to a lot of doodling. also write more fanfiction. crazy. april: transitory period as i shift back into stc/exit: sonic mode. may: more fanfiction. more comics. i really like how both of these turned out :) while the last two were definitely taking a lot more notes from stc, i think around here i start paying attention to and trying to learn from more creative panelling from artists i admire. like @/superemeralds THOAM and @/starrjoy's pandora au.

june: i play sa2 and it's good. july: i play unleashed and it is both miserable and good. i get in kind of an artistic frustration zone and wiggle my way out. august: idk i think im just chillin. super react dot jpeg happens. it's not even named that, it's named after the other image on the canvas, which was maria holding baby shadow. more comics.

september: i burn out for a bit. get real tired. eventually get back up and make more comics. the goal here and last month has become "try to make more interesting panel shapes. I've noticed other artists don't just use rectangles--try playing with irregular polygons and see where it gets you." well it gets you mixed results as you learn :) also i think after that pause i accept the monoeye into my life. sigh...

october: oc showdown starts and @/neurotypical-sonic asks me to make some halloweeny art :) feels like i dont do much this month bc i focus on those. november: A LOT OF ART?? INSANE. more oc showdown stuff. i play shadow the hedgehog (2005). it's good and i love it. i draw a ton of shit on one canvas for it. Fucking Dember: i have shifted back into stc/EXIT mode. motivation's a little weird bc work's a little weird. doing commissions also makes it weird. well im having fun and being myself :) a final handful of comics from this month:

idk maybe ill do something sicko crazy b4 the end of the year. mayb i'll follow exit sonic's example and #GetWorse. who knows :) well this is fun i love looking at my art and seeing and noticing things. thank u all for your support and I hope we all have a great 2024!

[inchidentally]

Why do I feel like Oscar is intentionally keeping Lando at a distance because he assumes it would never work out? And Lando kind of wishes Oscar would show an interest but he isn't so Lando pulls back too? Maybe I'm totally crazy but feels like they're doing a double fake out. If not then why not just be friendly the way they are with other guys?

@twinkodium helped talk me through this ask so a huge thank you to her <3

gonna put below a cut and include some other asks that aren't necessarily of interest to everyone and are kind of in the same vein (note the tag)

okay so "why not just be friendly like they are with other guys" is a pretty good thing to focus on bc when you actually break it down, Lando and Oscar define themselves as being pretty shy and they conceal a fair amount their lives and closest friends from the public. and truth is that it seems to take both of them at least a year of knowing someone before they open up - and even longer before they're as friendly as we see them with guys like Logan, Zhou, Carlos or Daniel. Lando lists the guys he's known since as far back as karting as his closest friends. so after just one season together, what we already have in terms of friendliness between Lando and Oscar is pretty damn good!

but honestly we can't say that either of them are really holding back at all when we've got Andrea and Zak constantly emphasizing how in sync they are and then of course how big they both show up for each other's wins/poles etc. whatever we don't get in terms of fun fandom content, we've got them showing each other mutual respect and support and sharing the same priorities. that's... really good imo.

it's what cracks me up abt everyone who went all 'planetf1 angry white dad in oakleys selfie in a truck comment section' over that recent Oscar quote. Lando's literally had everyone saying the same thing to him, directly and on social media ?? did they also decide that Martin Brundle, Natalie Pinkham, Lawrence Barretto and Jenson Button all despise Lando and want to take swipes at him by saying that his public flagellation feels of no use and worse, that it's probably a hindrance to his mindset? did Lando suddenly became loathed by all these people who SEEM to openly like or love him bc they said that ??

or did they expect Oscar to respond to that question with "oh no yeah it's cool that my teammate who I actually like shits all over himself and gives his haters ammo y'know to each their own whatever man" bc that WOULD actually be incredibly cold and hurtful asgajsgfljasf

I know fandom can go way off track and start expecting these men to talk like fan fic but the truth is that they view each other as professionals and fellow drivers first and friends (if they are) second. I won't repeat myself bc I've posted about it enough but none of the grid are a significant part of Lando or Oscar's life outside F1. Lando and Martin did a stopover in Perth (and apparently Martin even had work there?) for one day to ride dirt bikes at Daniel's ranch and Lando went to Carlos' sisters' gigantic state wedding lol. doesn't compare at all compared to Lando's time spent with Max F, the quadrant folks, his family, his Monaco friends and definitely not Martin Garrix. it also doesn't mean that they're not still friends with those guys on the grid - it's just not the same.

so the fact that Lando and Oscar aren't out here dishing out bromancey stuff where fans can see and hear definitely doesn't say that those bromances mean the drivers are actually any closer. Oscar relied on extroverts like Robert and Arthur to give him something to play off and Lando relied on Carlos and Daniel for the same. so when they're left without a gobby extrovert they do that cute thing of giggling and handing back and forth to each other. to me personally it's always kind of sweet ?? that Lando and Oscar do the thing of looking at each other for support to get through the cringey and awkward to camera stuff. sometimes when Lando is really feeling himself Oscar can just kick back and watch him. and as we saw w that helmet design video, even when Oscar isn't filming w Lando he hangs around offers support.

wow apparently I cannot stay on track today anon but idk I just personally think that it's the opposite of a mutual fakeout and they've bonded pretty well over both being shy, both being equally focused on their careers and also needing to switch off sometimes. finding out they spent the night after Lando's crash in Vegas together sharing "commiserations" is like, one in a long list of us hearing that they chose to hang out alone together and not publicize it.

all of us are on the outside of their friendship and as much as that suuuuucks for not getting as much content as we want, it's also really sweet and kind more likely to be genuine and lasting since they consider a lot of that relationship as private <3

askgfka no prob!! tbh a lot of the stress and anxiety in other Lando ships is down to ppl getting way too comfy w the idea that real life partners either aren't "real" or that they're the only thing standing in the way of their ship becoming real.

and bc for some reason landoscar makes me want to write all of these essays I feel like it's kind of my responsibility to be like yeah, there's even more than just assuming ppl's sexualities and their real life partners stand between two ppl we like to imagine together actually getting together. rpf is heavy on the f and mostly what we're all actually enjoying are friendships. and as someone who is lucky to have them, I personally wouldn't be one of those ppl who said romantic partners and friendships are on some sliding scale of importance. they're just different!

ever since landoscar became a thing, Lily's been in Oscar's life and Lando's been pursued by every man who sees him and burning through baddies on Raya on a literal global scale. it's important to come back from rpf to that fact so we don't end up attraction those legions of people calling real life girlfriends "PR beards" or that Lando's dating app horniness is some front for him meeting up with Carlos or Daniel or whoever lol.

oh I am so not the person to answer abt this since I can't relate to wanting couples to get married or thinking that it's all that significant! I'm a huge romantic and I theoretically enjoy the idea of weddings/marriage but all the ppl I know who've gotten married out of college are already regretting or cheating it so it's put a real damper on it for me.

but that's as much as I want to speculate abt them bc I don't want to put anything out in the universe for ppl I'll never even know !!

[sugar-omi]

Is it ok to make a request after the last one? Like everything about the eloping was just a dream in this one. And Mc is still married to Cove but after getting that nightmare they get all guilty over something that didn't happen and fear if they'd actually do something that would hurt everyone, especially Cove that badly. So they decided to isolate themselves somewhere no one would find them for a while with little explanation to Cove when they leave. Any location really like a cabin in the woods idk. They were supposed to be only there for a week then a woopsie happens and now they get stranded for more than a week. You're choice on how it ends and whether they tell Cove or not about the dream.

Seeing Cove suffer hurts me so I wanna see the MC suffer (more) :)

HAHA I LOVE IT, YESSS LET MC SUFFER !!!! also ik i wrote it as a "y/n" post but i was like imagining jamie as MC/"y/n" and inserting myself in cove's happy ending <3 lmaooo no one said "y/n" couldn't be someone else 😋 i imagine a lotta ppl read y/n fanfics with their oc's or the default name though too but yes tysm for this ask bc this heals my heart, this is smth i would do!!! one time i read 2 separate fics with character A died and in the other fic character B died n i was like "oh okay theyre happy together now<333" ITS SILLY BUT IT MADE MY HEART FEEL BETTER

[read the post mentioned above: "leaving cove for baxter"]

tags : Hurt/(No) Comfort, step 4/wedding dlc, nightmare about cheating, running away, keeping secrets, arguing <3 (cove snaps abt you leaving)

synopsis : you have a nightmare about leaving cove, so you run away to calm down. maybe you should've taken a different approach...

you wake up in a cold sweat that night.

you're shaking and trying not to wake up cove because his arms are wrapped tightly around you but you can't help the tears running down your face.

somehow you shake yourself from your husbands hold and go to the bathroom to cry...

that morning you're very distant, and since cove has to leave for work as he's been away for awhile for your wedding and honeymoon, he just kisses you and tells you that you will talk later.

when he comes home you sit him down and tell him that you've just going through a bit of depression and burn out, and that you're going to go visit lee for a week and come back.

cove frowns up, of course he understands what you're going through and he understands that things are hard but do you really need to go away?

"y/n, please. i understand you're going through something but, can't you stay? isn't there anything i can do for you?"

you shake your head, "i'm sorry, it's just 5 days and then i'm coming back. i just.. i just need some time."

cove feels a bit angry now, you just got married and everything was fine, you were happy yesterday and now you've done a total 180 overnight and won't let him help you!

"y/n you can't just leave, i really don't understand what's going on."

you shake your head, standing up and releasing your intertwined hands. "i just need a little break, i promise i'll be back soon."

you do go visit lee like you said, but after the 2nd day she leaving town for a show.

"i'm gonna miss you!" lee squeezes you in her arms, not wanting to let you go. "you just showed up, its gonna be forever before we see each other~" lee whines.

you laugh, patting her back. "its okay lee, we'll get together soon."

she pulls away, needing to leave soon if she doesn't want to miss the train. "okay.. i'll call you everyday! have fun on the rest of your trip, okay?" a worried look comes on lee's face, taking your hand in a soothing manner. "i hope you can work through that burn out."

you nod. yeah, burn out...

lee sticks her hand out the window, waving the whole way (thank god someone else is driving) until you can't see each other.

you sigh, walking to your car and make your way to the hotel you booked for the rest of the week...

the beach reminds you of your honeymoon... you aren't sure why you're torturing yourself like this.

you sigh, thinking about the dream. well, nightmare to be correct.

there was nothing inherently scary. but since it was from a first-person point of view, your mouth moving out of tune with your thoughts and everything happening so vividly, it was scary enough.

you feel tears well up in your eyes as you think about everyone's reaction.

would your ma really tell you to stay away from the house like that? and lee.. you can't imagine not talking to her.

fuck, you're crying... just thinking about everyone's disappointment and the scorn on everyone's face is enough to send chills down your spine.

you cringe, thinking about cliff and krya, their messages and how cliff looked so distraught when he saw you when he came for the last of cove's things on your nightmare.

you couldn't bare your in-laws hating you. cliff has always been someone important to you, and now he's your father-in-law. he's a sensitive soul as well, and he loves cove so much. of what had happened was real... oh man, the simple idea of how much regret cliff would have makes your body shake with sobs.

and even though you try not to think about cove's reaction to you leaving, its so prominent in your mind.

you start wiping at your tears, even though there's no one around since this is a little edge of beach off the edge of a hiking trail near your hotel, you feel so ridiculous for crying over this.

you sniffle and go to stand up.

it's getting dark, you've off the trail, and you have an early day tomorrow.

the only problem is... you're a bit lost.

you didn't realize how far you were. you're back on the trail but do you go left or right? does it matter if it all leads back to the hotel?

you swallow, you're so fucked.

everything is just going wrong.

first, you get lost on the shitty trail and don't find your way back until daybreak, and now your car isn't starting up, and the mechanic said it'll be a few days before they get it up and running.

you sigh loudly and fall back into the bed. thankfully, the hotel let you extend your stay so at least you have that going for you...

you startle from the sound of your phone ringing... it's cove.

you hesitate to pick up, you still feel sensitive, but you miss cove, and you've already texted him about the situation for the most part..

"hey, cove.."

"y/n! are you okay?" cove's worried voice crackles over the phone.

"yeah, i'm alright, uh.. listen, cove."

you trace the stitch pattern of the quilt on your bed. "apparently, it'll be a few days before the car is up and running. something about a busted something, i don't know what he said. i wasn't, uh, paying attention very well..."

cove sighs. "y/n... I'll come get you or something, and then we can talk about this, okay?"

you feel your heart pick up. "no! th-theres no need for all that, you just hold down the fort, tell the fish I said hi." you laugh shakily.

you can practically hear the frown in his voice. "y/n. why did you go on this trip, seriously. what are you hiding from me?"

cove's voice is rising and cracking with tears at the same time.

it breaks your heart. you can't answer him and it just makes cove more upset.

"do you regret marrying me or something? is that why-!"

"no!" you exclaim. suddenly regretting your outburst but you can't help but deny it since that's not it and you don't want cove to think that...

"then fucking tell me!" cove is obviously crying at this point. "all I know is my spouse left for a 'break' and is now telling me they don't want me to pick them up? be fucking serious y/n!"

you exhale shakily, wiping your own tears.

"i'm sorry..." you whisper, burying your face in your hand.

"sorry for what, y/n? leaving me after we just got married? lying to me? shutting me out?"

cove's voice is deep and his words have an edge.

he's right though, what are you apologizing for? you're acting out and letting your problem consume you...

there's silence, and then cove mutters over the phone.

"... do you not love me anymore?"

you snap up, sliding off the edge of the bed as you snatch up the phone. "no! it's not that! don't say that!" you cry, "I love you so much, cove! don't even think otherwise!"

cove is silent. since you can't see his face you can't decide if that's a good thing or a bad thing.

"you know what i... i can't take this right now. I'll call you later."

the phone clicks.

now all you're left with is silence and your own thoughts...

when you finally come home it's 11:47 at night.

cove should be asleep but instead he greets you from the door.

you swallow, psyching yourself up to go to him.

something about the way he watches you from the moment you came into view on the street, to watching you pull your bags out the trunk and then maintaining eye contact (more like boring holes into you since you can't look him in the eye.) as you creep up the pathway to the door of your marital home.

he's silent. just watching. no "hi" or "I love you" or "I missed you, I barely survived while you were gone", just.. silence...

you finally look at him. his eyes are hooded with lack of sleep if the eye bags are any tellers, and yet he stands in front of the illuminated doorway like an unmoveable wall.

your heart skips and clenched. what if he doesn't want to let you back in?

you go to speak and he talks over you.

"was it worth it?"

you gape at him, frowning at his question.

"of course you can't say anything. what did I expect..." cove pinches his temples between his thumb and forefinger.

you gather up some words, uselessly trying to grasp for forgiveness.

"i.. i thought it'd be better if i worked things out on my own... i'm sorry.." you fiddle with the keychain on your luggage. "i shouldn't have done that and uh.. I'll deal with my problems without running away.."

cove watches you blankly. he can't believe you're serious.

"you're not gonna tell me, are you?"

you don't nod or shake your head. you just look at the ground and pray he forgives you.

he stands in front of the door for awhile longer, before he takes your luggage, a little more like snatching it since he grabs it by the side of the handle and tugs it out of your hands, pulling you forward.

"come inside. did you eat?"

you gape a bit, wondering how cove can care for you in a time like this but it reminds you more of a mother who's making sure her naughty child doesn't need anything else before they receive their punishment..

you shake your head. "i'm not hungry right now.."

cove doesn't nod or insist you eat like he normally would. "shower and go to bed then. I'll join you later."

you nod, letting cove's orders sink in.

the bath water is getting cold. and the sound of the echoed sound of water clapping against the edge of the tub makes you self-conscious.

you stand up, letting the water run off of you and robotically dry yourself with a towel before slipping into the clothes cove threw on top of the sink for you.

when you slip out of your bathroom, the bedroom is dark except for the moonlight coming through the window.

you tenderly tuck yourself into bed and close your eyes. waiting for something. anything. maybe for everything to become undone or for time to move past this.

just while you start to get deep into your thoughts, tears pooling in your eyes, cove's footsteps thump against the floor, and you halt your breath, waiting for the other shoe to drop.

the bed dips on his side. you don't feel him leaning over you or getting into bed and so you turn around, looking at the broad expanse of his back and waiting.

"you're not gonna tell me, are you?"

you say nothing.

"not what's wrong? what happened? how can I help?" cove's desperate at this point. "nothing?"

you pause, fingers twitching because you want to reach out to him but if you did he'll just shrink away from you for sure.

"I don't know.." you finally mumble.

cove hangs his head, fiddling with something in his hand and he lays down without looking at you, flipping over once he's gotten under the covers.

you're both awake, there's no way he isn't and you touch his back.

he doesn't flinch like you thought, nor shake or tell you to fuck off.

so you creep closer. maybe that's a bad idea, wrapping your arms around him as the worst he can do is reject you but you missed him. and everything is eating you up that you just want his comfort..

he let's you, surprisingly.

you rest your forehead between his shoulder blades, curving your body against his.

you reach for his hands, finding them clenched weakly around something.

you wanna shake and cry when you realize it's his wedding band...

he let's you take it from him, and he holds onto your other hand that's tucked under his body.

you shakily slip the ring back on his finger.

maybe, maybe one day you'll tell him.

but when the next morning comes, and cove greets you with a bright smile and "good morning" that only has half his usual cheer, and he continues it for weeks until months have passed since then and it's as if nothing happened, you aren't sure you ever will.

[prettyboykatsuki]

I love love love yandere tropes I will restrain myself to just one I prommy. Im feeling geto today. Geto & wisteria 💜

a /n ; hello miss aleks... thank u for requesting getou bc im insane abt him. a lot of requests for wisteria!! v interesting

cw ; yandere, captivitity, implied violence, reader talks about being hungry but it's largely metaphorical, gn!reader

W - Wisteria (long life, immortality): “Tell me I’m your god/goddess and I’ll grant you a slice of heaven.”

You're of the belief that your anger will someday mean something.

You hold onto this belief. You nurse it like a child that cries so loud it could shatter glass windows. More than anything, you want this anger festering inside of you to mean something. To be visible or potent. You hope with utmost sincerity that someday you will reveal it to someone and they will be the one to shrink back.

Getou is not above being cruel. He doesn't prefer it. The cruelty is not sadistic in nature - it's not something he draws pleasure from. Not usually. Not often enough for you to notice, though some times there's a gleam to him. A sharpness at the corners of his mouth when he twists your wrist just a little too hard that makes you wonder if you're missing something.

In all the ways Getou is cruel, it's not the violence nor hunger that makes you feel the most vulnerable. It's the indifference to your own humanity that you regard as most inhumane. It is the almost pitiful glare as you push towards him defiantly, unwilling to stand down.

Getou is authoritarian, but not pragmatic. This means, if you bare your teeth at him he will only go so far as muzzling you. Even if it's more practical to shave your fangs down to nubs - the practically of a tamed animal is not enough for Getou Suguru. He would rather you keep them sharp, keep them bared - and to teach you the same lesson until your exhausted. To beat it into you until your howl is faint in the wind.

Getou shows preference for taming. He does not punish your hostility with violence. It's never an eye for an eye. That would assume that you and him are equals and that could never be. There's no such reality where a human being could be equal to him. You can't see curses. You bruise easily. You shout and light your temper rise even easier.

The days pass by. Slowly like time is hesitant to widen the gaps of your sanity, though you know that is unavoidable. You hold on still. Your hands are holding on so tight to the thing within yourself that feels you're sure your knuckles are white.

And Getou remains. Still. Steady. Not omnipotent. Because even a foolish human like you can recognize that only old times Gods are capable of acting selfish.

The chain around your neck feels heavy when Getou enters your quarters. A place with no sunlight and no wind. Getou approaches you like always, a softened smile. Long hair that flows down his back, tied half-up.

He always walks towards you, but never crouches to your height. As if he's waiting for the day you come to him obediently. Crawl towards him on your hands and knees with nothing but desperation. It hasn't come yet.

But he feels merciful. So he bends down and comes towards you, reaching his hand onto to touch you. Your limbs are heavy from exhaustion. Nothing much of a fight today, as he reaches his hand to pet your cheek.

"Tired today, hm?" He asks. He's not smug about it. You almost wish he was.

"Fuck off."

"So cold to me. Such a shame. I really cherish you, you know? I don't do this for just anyone." He says, nauseatingly sincere.

"Is this your idea of being cherished? You're sick."

"Don't be silly. Of course it isn't. I'm disciplining you. Trying to help you understand."

Anger bubbles up within you again. If your throat wasn't so hoarse you would scream.

"Understand what exactly?"

"That you're doomed to this, but you don't have to be." He strokes your thumb with your cheek, growing close. His eyes are so dark you can see yourself in them. You don't recognize your reflection anymore "Tell me I'm your God. Mean it. And I'll grant you a slice of heaven. You'd be happy if you could listen."

"I'll never give in to you. Never." You say, all too bitterly. He gives you a fond laugh.

"I like that part of you too. It reminds me of someone."

[iraprince]

okay okay fine hold on i AM gonna get a little sappy/excitable here. literally just last night i was having a long talk w my wife abt art and what i want to do next and stuff and i was talking abt how like.... i started tvrn at a time when i had honestly given up on the idea of art being my job, so i was like "fuck it i'll just do something really silly and stupid and self-indulgent, who cares," and then (bc it turns out this is how these things work) it was the first time since acid soup i felt like. people were like. really really suddenly paying attention to what i was doing and appreciating it and like, Getting me, as an artist. which was really revitalizing and encouraging and ended up having a domino effect of me deciding to give patreon a go -> being gobsmacked that ppl were actually pledging -> starting to go "okay hey whoa maybe it is not time to give up on art yet."

(ppl did respond really passionately to acid soup and i've always appreciated that, but i also have some really complex/tender feelings abt acid soup bc it's like... so raw, and so without the boundaries i have now abt what to share, and a lot of times i have had a relationship with acid soup that hasn't been healthy. if it makes sense to talk abt having, like, a relationship w specific parts of your own work. so that's why like, tvrn isn't the first time ppl have tuned in to what i'm doing in a very real way, but it's the first time it's been like... uncomplicated and something i was just super happy about instead of it being mired in a bunch of like, unavoidably very layered personal stuff.)

ANYWAY all this to say that like.... the thing about going fulltime is u think "great now i will have UNLIMITED TIME to work on [passion project] now that my DUMB JOB is out of the way!!!!!" and then u very quickly realize like. actually no because this is your job now!!!!! and so in the past few years of me stumbling thru freelance and trying to figure things out i felt like i haven't had the time to really do something like that again, where i'm just like, throwing my whole heart into something with abandon and being really REALLY good at it, and. the upcoming webcomic i'm working on feels like returning to that, and i'm really excited for the way it's going to let me share art that's important to me really enthusiastically and freely with you guys again in a way that i think is unique to my original fiction, and. agh!!! i'm just so excited!!! i feel like i'm BACK, kinda.

it's scary because this shit is like, not going to make me any money. i don't wanna host on tapas or webtoon for a variety of reasons. but i hope -- and pls forgive me for talking shop here, but it's just realistically something i have to consider when i'm deciding what to spend my time on -- i hope that what i make is exciting enough that ppl will want to help support me doing it, like via patreon and stuff, so that it can stay viable for me. i am gonna try anyway either way though bc i'm really excited about this story and i think it's going to be beautiful and really good. also i have to scream abt it like this bc i can't just dump all the concept work i've been doing between comms on you guys!!! it has to stay a secret!!!!! i'm eating myself from the inside out. ANYWAY. thanks for reading. i like to draw

[sasukimimochi]

i wanna ramble about my view on JC but i'm so bad at words

so like, i see posts where people talk about these things JC does or WWX holds back from, i don't wanna go searching but also want to leave these details out cuz i don't want to accidentally call people out cuz that is not my intention (not that i have the audience to do something like that) so i'm just gonna go from my memory and kinda summarize what i think abt him...

gonna add a read more line bc this gets long!

Uh, btw please no hostility i'm not trying to start arguments, these are just my thoughts i really wanted to get out there. i'm definitely no therapist or psychologist so take this with a grain of salt, this is the view of just an average reader who retains a lot of info [tho still manages to miss details at times]. Anyway if you have info you think i should have addressed, reply and i'll make additions if i agree/want to expand on the info presented to me!

So, WWX and JC have a weird thing going on, it's not exactly brothers but they definitely wanted that, the reason why i say they aren't solidly brothers is because i'm pretty sure Madam Yu has influenced JC from the start of his arrival which is why he doesn't call wwx a-xian or Wei Ying or A-Ying- Why he doesn't allow himself to let loose properly around anyone even in private, why he constantly scolds wwx, etc. i believe firmly he's been quite influenced by his parents due to him being the next sect heir and the pressure that comes from it, as well as what he feels like madam yu is correct on- wwx is uncle jiang's favorite.

Madam Yu still chides Yanli for doing domestic acts for WWX but not on the same level as JC, who is constantly under pressure by her to be the perfect heir to the sect. She wants him to be better than WWX, which of course affects all of the family but Yanli gets left out of the fire a bit, which i think is what gives her such a strength to do these supportive acts for the brothers [and why she's also both the brother's favorite. She's basically the mom they wish for. Supportive, understanding, and helps mediate them]. Though this is a burden she has to bear, it's not that big of a burden to her because she loves the two so much.

Jiang Fengmian... i might be spelling his name wrong, so i'll call him Uncle Jiang cuz it will be faster for me to type with no mistakes haha. Anyway, I have complicated feelings about him.

At first i thought he was great and did no wrong, but that was on my first pass and when i had just watched the donghua only. My opinion of him since i read the novel isn't bad, but it's not super good. He's in a complicated position! There's only so much he can do about his wife, they argue super often and while its not usually crazy loud, it's pretty intense. [also, i'm not sure if separation is really a thing that happened back then, i think that's really a modern thing.] I feel like we're likely seeing Uncle Jiang's will to fight dimmed down by the wear of time.

Consider: you have a family member who won't ever listen to what you say, regardless how sound your argument is- you can be completely in the right and have all the facts, but no matter how long you press on, the result never changes. Do you put in the same amount of effort for the rest of your life? No! You understand that no matter how much you argue that their answer will remain the same. I personally have a family member like this, and while i defend myself regularly, it does not go anywhere. That is the nature of some people, no matter what they may not treat your view with the respect it deserves.

anyway back to the main line here, i dont think wwx is wrong about what he said regarding JF to JC. "he's just hard on you cuz you're going to be sect leader" or whatever it was along those lines- WWX does not seem like the type to lie to make someone feel better and i think this is why JC appreciates that conversation so much (besides the heartfelt twin prides which is obviously something that stuck to him for a long time). And i agree, JF is definitely trying to prepare Jiang Cheng for his position as sect leader one day.

do i think Uncle Jiang is completely guilt free of favoritism? No absolutely not, he canonically holds wwx more as a child, which i think is hard to argue against- but i do think the context of that is missed in part by most. WWX may have been a bright kid with sun shining out his ass but he was also a scared kid that just got rescued off the streets after his parents never came home. A kid that was fighting for food from dogs and likely starving and scared because he was on the street for like 5 years [if i remember it was from age 4 to 9 in the novel]. Of course he got held a bit more- i can't imagine he would be completely unphased immediately upon arrival, at least with his Uncle Jiang who was totally willing to provide him comfort- which wwx probably desperately missed from his now dead parents. We know canonically that the memory of those parents, however small, is unreplaceable and dear to wwx- but having JF treat him dearly is truly a balm to what has happened to him.

I'm not gonna say JC didn't go through things that made him cry and want to be held, in fact if WWX came into the house and suddenly got a lot of attention, it's going to feel pretty shitty for JC! Of course this combined with abruptly losing his privacy and puppies was what initially had him pushing the other away, but as you could see, after WY breaks his leg after running off and they make up, they get really close and despite this looming responsibility and family troubles, the two are very bonded. imo making them look like 6 year olds in the donghua is an injustice to their relationship, because 9 year olds tend tend to have more emotional intelligence (?) at that age. I'm not sure how to phrase that, but basically making them look younger and act like giggling children took away from the scene a bit for me lol. Jc is old enough to realize he doesn't dislike wwx! This isn't a child quickly getting over his anger, he's young here yes, but he's decided in this moment that he cares about this new member of the family, despite being called the son of a servant. [which yes madam yu is once again influencing his view of this segregation but i think he is much better at ignoring this particular in his youth]

I am rambling more than i thought i would lmao- i have a lot of feelings about their relationship and i think it's skipped over so much

um, i'm not sure which direction i was going in before i went onto the parents. Let's skip forward.

lotus pier fell and not only did JC see wwx get humiliated and whipped and nearly disfigured, his mother who he was about to lose blamed wwx for so much. When you lose a family member you have an attachment to, whether it bad or good, this influences your thoughts about them and with no way to resolve said thoughts. i find this hard to explain, so i'm just going to hope you understand what i'm referring to here. Especially in ancient china though, i believe it's a big thing to hold such a high regard for your parents, but especially if they have passed? i can't say this is fact but i believe that is the case i just am sticking to my memory here. So these things in combination with Trauma, i believe starts this heavy, negative emotion in JC that is hard to unstick.

JC and WWX may get into a one-sided scuffle but soon after they cry together like children. They just experienced hundreds of lives lost- people they grew up with and trained with and cared for as well as the people who provided and cared for them- their family was unstable, but still was a family and support system- now they had only two people and one of them was far away, the one that was typically their pillar. I feel like a lot of people hold JC to an impossible standard in his situation- having a bad day and taking it out on someone is one thing, going through a traumatic massacre i think allows someone to get a bit unreasonable [though of course nearly choking him was quite far, remember, he's extremely unstable emotionally at this point].

"WWX didn't do that though!" of course not. WWX is a different person with a different personality, is older (though i don't know by how much), and is extremely resilient, but he does process his trauma just differently. As you see over and over in the novel, wwx goes through many things others wouldn't dream of, but he starts acting differently even before the golden core removal, not only after. He's going through the same things, but i'm pretty sure no one reacts to trauma the same way to the T. JC's just happens to be misplaced anger, which is probably way too simple a way to put it, but anyway...wwx also gets angry. very angry. The two both have the correct target of anger in the end, despite Jc's breakdown. He still harbors his mother's words, but at this point they're still in the background of his mind.

Now again we go forward- JC willingly sacrifices himself for WWX. Look, if he doesn't like wwx at all i think this is extremely contradictory. even if he was s*icidal, he could have chose other ways to get to that end if that was the case. and a gentle reminder that JC perks back up and is ready to fight once he believes WWX knows how to fix his core! i don't think he was truly wanting to die or anything like that until he thought he had lost everything except wwx and jyl. He believes in wwx's strength despite his constant fear of inferiority, so if he was gone, what would it matter if wwx was there to continue to protect yanli?

Essentially he was like 'well what are we going to do if i can't lead the sect? We would be in a homeless situation and there is a war.' aka there's not a lot of hope all around, i don't think he was only upset about the core, but it was definitely the main force because if he didn't have a core, how would he survive what was happening anyway? he's like 'if i'm gonna die let it be on my terms' yk? He also doesn't feel like he's strong enough before he lost his core to protect anyone. Without it? fat chance.

whew... this is a lot already, so maybe i'll post this and do a part two later addressing YLLZ arc, then the "present" one. i just have a lot of feelings about their relationship and i'm sad to see so much negativity around him...JC is quite flawed, but a lot of the characters are flawed! that doesn't make them bad characters, it makes them interesting and human.

[scarletanpan]

.

Tw for transphobia ig? Not super serious I just cant focus til i scream abt this so sorry

Tumblrs tryna get me in something I keep seeing out of context discourse abt transandrophobia , tried to avoid it bc it was hitting a sore spot but finally looked and. Don't get why ppl arguing it shouldnt be a term for transmascs/trans men bc they only experience transphobia while being benefited by the patriarchy. Like u are still. Trans? Rlly its a weird cocktail of transphobia, misogyny, and misandry where ppl dont see u as a man if they know ur female, but get uncomfortable abt u presenting as masc, like ur ruining urself and hrt turns u into some evil scary creature bc men are bad apparently and bioessentialism is a curse upon this world that needs to be eradicated like.

The timing of this got to me bc the one person I came out to fully was a guy(who had a crush on me the whole time unfortunately) that immediately responded by letting me know he was into femboys. Then clarified he also liked masc women, and every time we talked from then on he brought up guy stuff but would stop and go 'yeah idk if i should say it.. ur like a girl u know, right?' Exact phrasing no matter how many times I said haha ig but 80% of the time i feel like a guy, but I couldnt be anything other than a girl to him unless I was a femboy. He confessed that multiple times like it was some suggestion..? Great way to get ur gender fucked up like back tf up damn cognitively I am Not there yet i was just excited abt sharing my identity w someone.. I dont have an issue w them they're cute I just felt wildly dysphoric abt it. Which is why I'm complaining ig my bad its wild but minimal in comparison to stuff I read the Actual point is.

This seems to just be a handful of ppl holding these opinions and they get spread around, and they have issues w afab nb ppl like?? The complaints I've seen seem to be targeting some idea of afab nb ppl being able to use their status as a privilege which. Idk what imaginary yt skinny middle class easily able to pass being they think comprises all afab nbs and transmascs? Like have yall never heard of intersectionality a little?? Even within that group there is so much variation yall are gonna lose it when u realize race, physical appearance, money, social status and abt a million other factors impact most ppls ability to be trans while receiving any respect or affirmation like

Show me where most ppl dont look at afab nb ppl and treat them like a girl or ignore any of ur pronouns besides she/her like. It's just dumb to deny ppl the right to talk abt how they experience transphobia bc u assume every nb person can pass or wants to idk?? As an nb I don't ever rlly expect to reach passing one way or the other but we live in a society so ppl will not respect that and thats the real issue! So weird like we need to be focusing on the transphobes that don't want any of us to have the right to transition or express ourselves. Which is what I plan to do now I've said my piece but idk afab nb ppl get behind me I'll fight to the death like. I'll fight to the death for all of us we all experience oppression in one way or the other and attacking certain communities over preconceptions doesn't help imo

And last note I don't wanna seem like idk how pressing of an issue transmisogny is ik how heavily targeted trans women are on a public scale comparatively there's always something to be said abt that. And a lil nervous abt using afab I don't wanna be exclusionary but couldn't find anyone using another term for nb ppl like me I'm tryna educate myself on intersex liberation on the side.. just don't think we need to infight we should listen to each other

[noahtally-famous]

td 2023 s2 ep1 spoilers below the cut

(okay so I have not finished s1 but I know the general gist of what happens through mutuals posts and just the td tag lmaoo. maybe later I will actually sit down and watch the whole thing, but that time is not now.)

moving onto my thoughts of s2...

AHHHHHHHH idk how else to explain it but I absolutely LOVED the episode, and honestly I have a feeling I'll love this season, simply bc everyone is so great!!

heck even ripper and chase were tolerable, like, there weren't any fart jokes or anything, it was great!

MKULIA SWEEP???? HELL FREAKING YEAH idc if it's a friendship/alliance, I'm living in my world where they're toxic yuri

Caleb getting some much-needed character development??? I'm SO here for it, and the stuff mentioned during the episode def fits the kinda vibe I have going for him, so that's even better!! (potential caleb & emma friendship??? they can bond over kittens and of caleb being emotionally mature)

also his reactions to the team choosing was gold, I can't wait to see what A-Game he's gonna bring. I'm hoping he doesn't become a version of justin--I just want him to want to be a useful teammate and person for his team/friends/competitors and want to win as well. no overly crazy 'tda justin' villanry pls?? (I mean, I won't be averse to it if it does end up happening, but it'd be cool if things changed up this time around)

CHEMMA BROKE UP THANK FRICKING GOD, our prayers have been answered!! please please PLEASE have them stay broken up

raj & wayne on the same team again!! I was not expecting that tbh, but I'm curious to see where this goes

rajbow is so adorable, like bowie not even letting chris finish before he immediately picks raj first for his team is so 🥹

ngl chase is still a dumbass but now that chemma is out of the way, I mean it affectionately, I can't bring myself to hate any of the characters and that trend isn't going to stop here. that moment when he ran at granny hatchet and bowie was like "I don't believe it, I think he's gonna make it" like that scene was insane

damien is amazing as always, no words need to be said. manifesting a final two involving him

NICHELLE. FUCKING NICHELLE. GOD I CANNOT ARTICULATE HOW MUCH I ADORE HER HERE!! saving the best for last goddammit, I love her so so so so much, omfg the way she slayed the challenge, pls I'm so hyped for her character development this season, I can't wait for the other contestants to eat their words abt her

axel trying to 'be nice' ("i'm a work in progress" yes you are but you're doing amazing) but acting like an ass to ripper is something I live for. "I'm not following you, we're running in the same direction!" LMAOOOO

the fact that priya doesn't hold any resentment toward her parents still irks me, but I still love her character and I'm excited to see what's in store for her

GRANNY HATCHET SLAYED, 'NUFF SAID

I'm still hoping for some axelle content, but I'm more than happy with the mkulia servings we got

I'm lowkey interested in scary girl's change of character. I feel like this wont be the last we see of her--will she be like an amy and swim back to the island to enact revenge? or will she be like ezekiel and live on the island in secret? or will she be a secret third thing? I sure as heck don't know but I can't wait to find out!! her parting words def seem ominous enough to imply something

speaking of, scary girl's change of character and when she talked abt how she became "normal" everyone's reactions were sending me lmaooo

bowie going "you're never right" to chase but is the one to choose chase on his team, like yes dude frrr that frenemy whiplash was wack lmaoo I love it

same with bowie choosing julia, like yes we love to see two manipulative competitive strategists banding together

on a different note, I wonder what will come of bowie and emma's friendship from s1 and how that broke apart. maybe they could rekindle it in s2? hmmm

zee and their suitcase of sodas 😭

"she's an animal" OKAY MK TONE IT DOWN (pls don't, actually pls continue doing it) YOU'RE NOT HELPING MY MKULIA CASE HERE

millie being priya's first pick >>>

"what strategy? you just stop and run, it's not rocket surgery" 😭 I used to dislike ripper, but if he continues on like this, that opinion will def change. it's only been the first episode and I already don't dislike him anymore so-

MORE MKULIA P L E A S E IM HOPING

chris is still 'tdi chris' aka the b e s t chris imo, and I'm here for it!! also chef and chris's dynamic is still spot-on

in conclusion, im so very excited for what this season will bring!! in case you didn't realize, I LOVED the first episode!

[teddybeartoji]

HELLO I’M SLIDING INTO YOUR INBOX NOT SO SMOOTHLY

5, 13 and 33 for your ask game :3

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEELANIBABYYY:333333333333

5. tell us some funny drunk story

😭😭😭 idk how funny it is to everybody else but it sure is to me. it's more embarrassing actually but i'm gonna tell you anyway:333 soooo cue me going to the club after a 12h shift. i hadn't eaten anything since like 3pm and my work day ended at 9 aaaand we were at the party at like 11 already. it's not looking too good already now is it.............. i also vaped at that time. and i am a terrible lightweight :D so i am starving and two drinks in, vaping and dancing my ass off, and i'm already starting to feel a little off yk? so i think that taking a piss will fix me.

it did not.

oh and also this was during february so it was cold as shit and we didn't even take our coats off (just bc we kept going outside and then back inside). so now. i'm in this bathroom that's exactly the size of ONE toilet i kid you not. it's literally the door - you - toilet and that's the whole room😭😭😭😭 i was already struggling with my long coat bc fuck my head is dizzy and there's no room and there wasn't anywhere to put the damn thing either so i ended up just holding it in my lap. i finally manage to actually take a piss and then...

oh no...

i feel SO bad. like sick. like i'm about to vomit. FUCKFUKCUFKCUFK THE ONLY THING IN MY HEAD WAS HOW THE FUCK AMI EVEN GONNA PUKE IN HERE?????? AHGSHASHGAGHSGHA I WAS ABT TO FREAK THE FUCK OUT. i took a few deep breaths and made a plan that i'm gonna rush outside immediately. i will not vomit all over the floor of the club. i will not. i know most of these people i would actually have to kll myself.

i push up i manage to pull my PANTIES on and... voila.

so i just ended up bent over the toilet bowl with my big ass coat in my hands with only my pink panties on i didn't have the time to pull up my pants, and since my ass was facing the door i just couldn't stop thinking abt the lousy ass lock on the thing... what if somebody actually pulls it open😭😭😭😭😭😭

i was just stuck in that pose for like two whole minutes bc i just... was kinda shocked that it even happened lmao AAAND THENNN as a cherry on top - i could fucking hear my friends ahshgasgha calling from me. i heard them talking to someone else being all like ":oo we lost mickey we lost mickey" but i didn't have the free hands to reach for my phone eitherrrrrr ajshhgsghaghsaghsgha plss it was so ridiculous.

after i finally regained some energy lmao i dragged my ass outside into the BLIZZARDDD BTWWWW IT WAS SO FUCKING COLD and i was sat there for like 40 minutes i think. my friends came out with me dw they brought me tea and everything:3333 but yeah the whole thing was soo stupid esp since i don't puke. like ever. i don't even get hangovers lmao

13. if the whole world listened to you right now, what would you say?

FIRST OF ALLLL THIS IS SCARY AS FUCK HELLO😭😭😭 I DO NOT WANT THAT MANY PEOPLE LISTENING TO ME HASHGAHGSAHA hmmmmm but... i'd either just go for the good old "i love you" because why the fuck not orrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr i'd fucking rick roll all of you:33

33. something you are good at?

mmmmmmmmmmmm being very straightforward lmao and taking things literally. can be a bad thing but i think it's good too. i think i'm pretty good at finding solutions for the silliest problems just bc i think a bit differently than most i guess. autism<333

interview the mayor

[traincrashs]

Hi uhm, you’re schizophrenic right? What’s it like with schizophrenia?/nf

!!Trigger for some people/Sensitive topic about schizophrenia!!!

This is a very very personal topic for me because it does affect me so much in my day to day life, autism as well.

schizophrenia is a constant bother in my life. Mainly with me having hallucinations and delusions. I will see real life people next to me talk to me directly, in public areas and in my room who I have no idea who they are or they are familiar to me for whatever reason, and talk to them just for them to not be real. Its not a shadowy figure they look human they look like a normal person like ppl you would see on a walk just weird to explain I cannot describe it any better than that. Its not like you are seeing a shadow figure you are seeing a real life person who your brain made up and they talk and act human but they aren't real. My cat is my saving grace because he's so friendly that he will meow at people entering my room or rub on them etc so if my cat does not rub up on them, it lets me know they aren't real.

I do hear voices despite how weird that is to say, I do hear the people talking and I do feel them at times touch me and it freaks me out everytime after I realize they are not real. which is usually the turning point after a few times to make me have an episode. /srs

Very personal to me but it does affect my hygiene a lot it makes me not want to shower most days and often times not want to talk to my friends. I am currently going through that right now with not wanting to talk with my friends because of it being way to much. It makes me feelings often times feel either like nothing (I talk very monotone most times because of it I've been told, or show way to much emotion).

It's often with me having a hard time connecting thoughts unless i'm fixated (my autism coming in) with the show etc so either i know to much abt the show etc, or i don't know anything/if i watch it i don't remenber what i watched etc and cannot for the life of me follow along. My mind is often very very hazy or like misty in a way when i am having a thought or like a string of ideas. It's weird to explain to a person who does not have it.

I have had multiple episodes through a single year. last year i had 4 fucking episodes and i'd rather not get into it but it was a lot. (I didn't do anything illegal or bad nothing to crazy) because of this and it often makes me unlikeable to most people who don't understand what it is like having schizophrenia or makes me seem like an asshole when in reality, I am trying to hold it together and its the fucking worst.

It's very hard to explain bc its hard for me myself bc i don't go to the doctors. Bc of my family situation (I am in a friends house bc I have been abused for the past 10+ years by my adoptive family and had to leave because I was overdosed!). So I dont get a professional opinion from a doctor etc, bc of that. and its either me trying to figure out if this is my autism (I am diagnosed) or my schizophrenia coming back at me. I don't know if its because I haven't experienced paranoia horribly yet bc I have gotten to a sense of like comfort bc of my friend being there that its gotten easier to deal with. that doesn't mean I haven't felt like I haven't be followed before or being watched by people, It feels like half the time I have a million eyes on me and I have 3 times made a public scene sadly. (it will 100% gets worst when I get older /srs its just what happens and it will likely be the reason why I do end up dying if I am being totally flat about the situation.)

schizophrenia and my autism are a really really sensitive topic for me because it does effect my decisions in a lot of things and often is the reason why I act the way I do. and its not something I can control. There is nothing I can do to 100% control my actions if I am having an episode, etc. My autism at this point for me myself I feel like it makes it WORST, and makes me decision making skills WORST way way worst. But I am always open for questions about what it is like because I want people to understand.

We aren't fucking monsters who just lash out, most of us would love to not have these things and would like to live a normal life and it eats away at us every single DAY. Media presents schizophrenia so badly and makes us look insane or like we are monsters and want to kill everybody, we are not insane we are normal people who just need a lot of help and more effectively support.

That's all I have to say honestly, please just note that yes u can ask me about my schizophrenia/autism but just be weary that at times. I will not answer bc its way to deep for me and its private/personal for me as well.

[3416]

i’m another new leafs fan, and wanted to say how much i enjoy your commentary :)

it’s been disappointing to see all the hate from proclaimed fans after their exit. do you have any thoughts about how sports (historically) have a predominantly male fan base, and how that contributes to the negativity?

anyway, just wanted to say thank you for posting and sharing your thoughts :)💗

fjlksjfkls it truly warms me that anyone cares enough about what i have to say to check my blog, but thank you for the sweet words 😭🫶 hope you're enjoying the leafs.

those same people hating will be back in october (or just stay all summer and simmer over their fake trade proposals) and then proclaim they're in a toxic relationship with their sports team instead of just taking responsibility for their own life and doing something that makes them ACTUALLY happy, but i digress. i think a lot of these men are loners who don't get the social interaction irl and have gravitated online, and i can't even talk shit about THAT aspect of it bc here i am too lol, but also. like. they never seemed to learn to regulate their emotions about things. it's one thing to be so invested that you get upset when your team loses, but like... they're not attached to the team conceptually or any of the players in the same way a lot of the time, so i don't understand what they ARE attached to. they're chasing sentimentality from their youth or community of rooting for your local teams, but it SEEMS like they're miserable doing it and just don't know how to escape the cycle of it, and that's something i will never understand. i've gone through PLENTY of obsessions and hyperfixations over the years, and when things start to negatively impact my life, i have to actively step back and fall out of it or remind myself there's a real life. like you don't earn moral points for sticking through something that makes you miserable so you can say you've always been a real fan. no one gives a shit if you've been there 30 years or 30 seconds. some of these people don't know how to remove themselves from it though... and maybe i care too much about the negativity myself, but it really does just seem to take over the spaces i inhabited all year just fine. i'll take a break in a bit and get back to optimism but lol

in the end, no i don't have some grand thesis. it's all the same takes i assume men who care intensely irl and yell at clouds just put to the internet instead to find common ground with other shitheads, but they seem to think THEY'RE the majority, which is hilarious. i think the majority of fans are probably casual fans in the gta and ontario in general and don't hold opinions as intensely negative as they do, but who knows... what i DO know is that all the women i've met through sports enjoy it in a much more fun and hilarious way than most men so ljdlsfjklsf. being able to prioritize fun over just WINNING (esp when u dont care.. abt the individual players themselves like? what do u even want them to win for???? what is motivating u.. i don't understand men lmao) makes for a way better time and a healthier fandom. anywya, thanks for giving me yet more opportunities to rant here, LOL.

[rinhaler]

The anon who just found out u were fuwushiguro here!!

Yes I absolutely understand the frustration from not performing as well with follower count to likes ratio - as an artist who used to be quite popular and likes went from thousands to only like seventy. At some point you feel like you’re not doing it for you, but actually for others. I’m happy you realised the happiness can come from writing and not only hate.

The friend who left you I can also relate to a bit, my ex best friend of 6 years also left me quite recently and it was like there was an empty hole in me because even if you’re not friends anymore, your brain can’t quite handle the change. I’m so sorry that happened to you, but the greatest challenge is to not only hold yourself to one person but to be open and try new possibilities, and that’s what you’ve seemed to done! You have new friends, new mental attitude, and a brand new beautiful blog (that I love the theme of btw!!!) You’re doing great and will continue to do so, because if there are 100 rinhaler fans I’m one of them, if there are 10 rinhaler fans I’m one of them and if there are none, I’m dead.

Also to the question you had, idk it’s just the way you describe certain things..? It’s hard to explain, I have about 50 fanfic blogs that I really love the writing of and fuwushiguro was one of them. Your world building, character description as well as development, SO GOOD!! And your wusyaname series was amazing, I used to check your blog religiously for any updates, and I’m happy you’re reuploading them here bc now I’m gonna reread them every week!

Also the way you wrote yuuji in the aita!sukuna fic was extremely similar to the first few chapters in wusyaname before he goes on that trip (if I remember right)

Have a great day/night :D

omg ARTIST AAAAAA im obsessed I'd love to see your stuff if you ever feel comfortable sharing with me sometime but no pressure ofc! I know it's very personal! ive been trying to get more into art but im finding it hard to balance practicing art stuff and writing. I also have massive art insecurity bc I don't think I'm good enough (same with my writing) so I totally understand if u wanna keep it all to yourself but go you for being a talented babe <3

interactions on tumblr suck and I'm starting to be able to tell myself it's purely luck what performs well and what doesn't, so I'm finding it a lot easier to write things I actually want to write now rather than what I think my followers will like.

Also yeah in regard to my friend, we were online friends and we'd only known each other for around two years but god i adored her and i still do tbh. I think about her and our memories all of the time we were so so close so her decision to just randomly cut me off really hurt. I'd love to talk to her again but I know I have to respect her decision and I wish her the best!

It's been a good opportunity to get back into writing so at least something nice has come from something so sad. And I love this little space so much! I'm glad you like my theme! It was greenish at first n i was like nope this aint the one i am a pink girl through and through!

ALSO AAAA THE WAY IM BLUSHING ABT AITA YUUJI BEING LIKE WUSYANAME YUUJI UR SO RIGHT 😩 definitely not intentional but god maybe i missed him more than i thought! I'm so excited to be reposting it though it's going to be like living through the magic of it all again and hearing what everyone thinks and stuff! I haven't read it in so long so I feel like I'm right there with you all hehehe

anyway thank you for supporting me always ur literally the best i adore u pls take care of urself mwah mwah mwah

[mostlymaudlin]

🧿🕯️💥!!! (@stabbyfoxandrew's main)

omg HOW DID I NOT REALIZE YOU WERE YOU... this makes so much sense hahahha. ty for ur ask!!

🧿what steps do you take to not take things personally if a fic doesn't do well, or if your writing/posting/sharing experience isn't going how you'd like it to?

ok i talk a big game abt writing for myself and ITS TRUE but im also a sensitive baby. and tbh what actually happens most often is that i get IRATE when people leave comments that i feel bridge too far into feedback that i dont want to hear -- and i don't want to hear it bc the damage is already done! like, i published the thing, i wiped my hands of it, i don't want to hear anything bad abt it because i learned what i wanted to learn from it and i want to be happy with it as it stands. DONT TELL ME if you're not happy i dont careeee!!! hahaha. so basically it's a lot of me giving myself that exact lecture & remembering why i shouldnt care abt negative feedback.

in terms of "not doing well" i can usually clock when something wont do the numbers on AO3, and i don't really mind it. my fics with the most hits etc are not the ones im most proud of, but i totally get why theyre the ones w those stats -- theyre simple, accessible, and quick. and you know what ?? im glad ppl are getting on ao3 and just kinda reading & resting. i also read a lot of fics just to escape into something easy. and so if a fic isnt doing well statistically, but im proud of it, im usually pretty good at reminding myself why most people go to ao3, and why the thing that ive written doesnt really align with that.

🕯️how do you think engaging with each other through tumblr, twitter, comments, kudos, creates healthy fandom experiences? How do you deal with that if you're not a social person/experience social anxiety?

well first off i am lucky in that i am not shy at all hahaha. clearly i love talking to people/talking about my wriitng. i think all of this is fun!! im actually really bad at taking compliments, so i dont reply to many ao3 comments unless ppl are opening a conversation somehow. but i love asking questions and answering questions and all the fun sharing we do. i think a lot about writing original fiction, and the main thing that holds me back is that its just SO FUN to share characters. im such an Andrew Minyard Enjoyer, and whenever i write him, i feel like im in conversation with everyone else who loves him and writes him and reads him! and that's such an incredible experience.

💥find your least kudos'd fic - say something wonderful about it.

this is a cute one omg. my least kudosed fic is a Simon Snow/Shepard Love fic, which makes sense, because the audience for them as a true romantic pairing is VERY small haha. closer to the sun is one of the coolest things ive written tho, tbh. i think i did something fun with the dragon lore with the series, and i also gave Shepard a lot of my own personal experiences/skills as he went dragon hunting. there's also dragon fliritng. and dragon sex! idk man LOL it's really weird for a fanfic, i know this, but i think it's pretty good FICTION? theyre pretty removed from the canon in this, i was just kinda doing my own thing.

[wyndford-dekarios-majima]

1, 4, 5, 11 from the ask game for phoenix? [asking as if i didn't make that guy. coughs]. or if you don't feel like it - pearson mayhaps?

dooooing both bc i am el stressed and talking abt them make me happy

1: "Love from the Other Side" - How has your perception of your f/o changed since the beginning? In what way? // WELL IN THE BEGINNING HE WAS YOUR SELF INSERT SO IT’S CHANGED A LOT I THINK LMAO but also like whatever i think you should be able to make out with your friends. nothings actually changed im just holding his hand now 4: "Fake Out" - It’s 3 AM. What are you and your f/o doing at that time? Are you asleep? If you’re awake, what are you doing? // Ace doesn’t sleep because they don’t think they need it and I’m unsure of Phoenix’s sleep schedule, but I’m decently sure he’d be asleep around then. Ace is carrying out unsavoury deals in an alleyway somewhere, Phoenix is snoring (loudly). 5: "Heaven, Iowa" - Is there anything about you/your s/i that your f/o finds oddly charming— something that others often overlook or ignore but they’re completely captivated by? // I think their lack of movement, maybe. They tend to talk quite animatedly when dealing with customers or passers by but when they’re comfortable or alone they’re stock still. Makes them a good surface to lean against because it’ll stay Consistent. 11: "The Kintsugi Kid (Ten Years)" - What’s one thing your f/o has learned from you? It could be a skill, a certain topic you know a lot about, anything really. And vice versa— what’s something you have learned from them? // I think it’d have learned a lot about how criminal enterprises actually work (and how to injure someone as much as possible both without killing them and without getting caught-). Ace has learned how to relax and cut loose more, and a lot about Star Stable lore. So much.

---

1: "Love from the Other Side" - How has your perception of your f/o changed since the beginning? In what way? // I think it’s time to finally give backstory as to where I knew Pearson from before Tallyho! He’s a lovely OC that belongs to my friend Juno, and before I knew what Tallyho was, back when I was still heavily into RvB, a former friend was running a tabletop game centered around the RvB and Halo universe. Bun introduced Pearson as a throwaway character, because bun was reusing a Cyberpunk character as a DMPC, and at the time of the session Juno had joined and it was a nice little callback to the campaign that had finished. After that, I didn’t really hear much about him outside of callbacks when another friend of mine brought up his Cyberpunk OC, and Juno would chime in in relation to Pearson. Then, Tallyho happened. So, I’d say my first impressions were “aw, a callback”? LOL. Now, I’m…kind of scared to talk abt him in general? I do love him to death, and I’m like…I’m unwell about Pearson, but he’s not something I talk about with Juno. Lots of personal issues and context I can’t provide, but most of all it’s because I’m a fuckin weenie and I think if she knew how unwell I was about Pearson she’d think I’m weird- (also shou if you actually read this I'm begging you to not share with Juno if you get the itch to I will actually kill you) 4: "Fake Out" - It’s 3 AM. What are you and your f/o doing at that time? Are you asleep? If you’re awake, what are you doing? // Ace doesn’t sleep because they don’t think they need it and I’m absolutely certain that Pearson isn’t staying up beyond like, ten unless he absolutely has to (see; Atom wakes him up). So, same as with Phoenix, Pearson is snoozing and Ace is making illicit deals. 5: "Heaven, Iowa" - Is there anything about you/your s/i that your f/o finds oddly charming— something that others often overlook or ignore but they’re completely captivated by? // I’ve thought about this a lot and my answer is ‘everything’ because I’ve decided that Pearson approached first in the relationship (simply because I am giving myself a little ego boost). I think, maybe the whole face hole thing? Like. Not to get weird about my self image issues but there’s a reason the original concept for Ace was faceless. And to have him find that charming, or to have him appreciate it a little…makes my heart ache. 11: "The Kintsugi Kid (Ten Years)" - What’s one thing your f/o has learned from you? It could be a skill, a certain topic you know a lot about, anything really. And vice versa— what’s something you have learned from them? // Definitely how to smuggle things better. Making the most of the space up his sleeves, making sure things can’t fall out, etc etc- sure, he’s a grifter conman, but you can always improve! Ace has probably learned how to care about human life. They’ve seen people live, die, and everything in between for about as long as shadow has existed. It’s really hard to keep caring. Pearson managed to do it, though.