#honestly I've never had such a nice time in a fandom space before

[osameowdazai]

Hi hello what's on sweet sol's mind today??

Hi Lue <33 I hope you're having a really good day! This was sweet to see first thing

I just woke up so there isn't much going on there yet, buuut I fell asleep last night brainstorming ideas for those mini fic prompts things I'm excited to work on them, I just gotta get myself to sit down to. I'm going back home today from my weekend visiting people so I can probably focus better soon

I'm pretty sure I know vaguely what to write for them (including the fyosig one you sent me <3)

I also woke up to a message about the beastzai mpreg thing I drew for reasons so unfortunately that's also on my mind first thing this morning. Karma, ig, for inflicting him upon people.

[https-immotmari]

❝ I'm going blind from this sweet, sweet craving ❞ ─── twst octavinelle!

WRITER'S START OF A SWEET RAMBLE!

Second request came in as if it's a fresh baked pastries out of the oven! Awww, don't worry, I'll make sure I'm always taking care of myself! You too as well （＾∀＾●）ﾉｼ

fandom! .twisted wonderland character(s) used! .azul ashengrotto, floyd & jade leech gender of reader! .gn!reader head start! .mention of azul's trauma, reader is not yuu here

. . .azul ashengrotto!

❝ Waste time with a masterpiece, don't waste time with a masterpiece ❞

it was a nice day for octavinelle trio and azul's significant other, summer break just hit and somehow the head mage allowed every student to have a vacation.

so, with the weather just right, the rather hot sand underneath them, the ocean waves dancing around and with sounds of laughter, indicating the other three's enjoyment.

tell me why azul ashengrotto, the prefect of the octavinelle and manager of the mostro lounge, is just sitting underneath the beach umbrella with a rather blank face?

he was thinking, that's for sure.

"...zul?" a soft voice brought him back to reality, a voice that soothes him whenever he had his downs. the said glasses man turns his head to his left and saw it was his significant other calling for him.

"yes, dearest?" "are you alright? you seem to be spacing out a lot."

azul parted his lips a bit before closing them back, hesitating to answer a question he's always been asked and yet never knew what he was answering them.

is he.. alright? it was passed his overblot era and thanks to the first years helped, he was brought back to his senses. even after that, was he truly alright?

"okay," azul ashengrotto's significant other, (name), started, "how about we do a guessing game where I guess what's going on your pretty mind?" they suggested.

the octo-merman eyes widen a bit, surprised at the sudden game that his significant other suggested. he then shakes his head, "no. it's fine, dearest. I don't want to be a burden to you."

(name) frowned, disappointed at azul for thinking about that, nonetheless she guessed, "is it work?"

azul sighs, should have expected that when it comes to (name), they never stop until they find what he's thinking and worrying about. "no.."

"is it the twins?" he shooks his head, "is it the other prefects?" another shook.

(name) paused for a moment, thinking what else could azul be worrying about, it honestly took a moment for them to open their mouth and say, "is it about... your past? your octo form?"

silence. the silence from azul was all they need to confirm their guess. now that they think about it, while they were having fun with the twins in the ocean, azul looked rather.. jealous, probably towards the twins since they can transform into their merform so freely, unlike him.

azul felt his significant other moving closer to him, resulting in him getting hugged by them. "you know.. those people who made fun of you are a bunch of fools.." (name) suddenly commented, "they were bullies who did nothing but, to see others suffering because in reality, they're life is trash."

"you're an amazing man, azul. you've already proven to those fools that you're greater than them so, stop dwelling on the past and look forward to the future, a future with me in it."

to the great seven above, no prayers nor words can describe how grateful azul ashengrotto for having somebody as loving as his significant other.

the couple sat, all the while hugging, in silence underneath the beach umbrella as the other two are minding their own business. (name)'s reassurance made azul's day even better than before and he couldn't thank them enough for it.

"wanna eat with me the cupcakes I've baked?" he nodded in response.

. . . floyd leech!

❝ You should be rolling with me, you should be rolling with me ❞

"floyd-! stop!" the troublemaker twin's significant other whines, shielding themselves from the splashes of water by using their arms. "stop it! I don't wanna get wet for now!"

the troublemaker simply grinned mischievously as he continues to splash them with water, "come on, angelfish~ you're already in your bathing suit.!"

however, his significant other frowns at him, now annoyed that they're completely wet by now thanks to the huge splashes floyd did to them.

"I didn't even want to get splash, I came over here to ask if you wanted any snacks.." they murmured.

all floyd did was chuckled, "I know~ just wanted to tease my angelfish~" he claimed with that oh-so silly lopsided grin.

(name) sighs while shaking their head, "I honestly should have expected that." he's floyd leech, it's self-explanatory. (name) then turned their body around and started walking towards the sandy land.

"wait, angelfish~" they didn't stop, "don't make me do it~" and yet they didn't stop.

(name) then heard floyd sighs so disappointedly at his significant other before they heard rather loud footsteps, and splashes of water coming towards them.

(name), upon hearing those, started walking faster though thanks to the water below them, it slightly slows them down.

just then, they felt themselves being held up high, a squeal out of surprised came out of their lips as floyd let his silly smile creping on his face.

"I warned you, didn't I~ now, angelfish needs to be with me!"

floyd carried his significant other as if they were a child, snuggling his head on their neck as he sits down in the ocean floor near the shore.

(name) huffs and puffs, trying to wiggle their way out of floyd's monstrous grip. floyd just tighten his grip more the more they try to get out of his hands.

"stop tightening your grip, floyd! I might end up dead if you continue this." they whined.

"eeh~ don't wanna~"

"I don't know why I dated you."

"hehe~"

eventually, (name) just let floyd be floyd, thinking that nothing could get worse if they comply to floyd's silly wants. they just hoped they'll get to eat the sandwiches jade packed them earlier.

for now, they'll just enjoy being in their significant other's embrace as the sun comes down ever so slowly.

. . .jade leech!

❝ You're a real-life fantasy, you're a real-life fantasy ❞

sometime, after having fun in the ocean with his significant other, the two of them went out of the water, drying themselves out before laying in each other's embrace in the large beach towel, where they're picnic is at, underneath an umbrella.

it was a relaxing day for jade leech and his significant other, floyd was enjoying the ocean as he drags their boss, azul, in the water even though azul protested.

just a wonderful summer.

"aaahh.." his significant other, (name), sang, holding a mini sandwich near jade's mouth, waiting for him to open it.

jade, who was reading a book, chuckles at his beloved's adorable behavior and open his mouth, (name) feeding him the mini sandwich. "thank you, beloved." jade lets his other hand ruffle their hair, a token of appreciation.

(name) softly chuckles, "no problem, dear."

they then reach out in the picnic basket another mini sandwich and feed themselves, letting out a hum as a way to let their satisfaction known.

"so, what'cha reading, jade?" they asked, taking a peek at his book and finding an illustration of a green tail mermaid with red hair as well as a quite chubby fish with its blue strips and yellow scales and a lobster.

"ahh, reading the oh-so famous tale about the mermaid princess that the great sea witch encountered, huh?"

jade nodded, "yes it is, beloved. thinking about how where going to the beach today gave me the urge to bring this book along."

"well, I can certainly see why.." (name) muttered, seeing how the beach quite resembles the one in the tale. "it's like feeling the nostalgic of it just by being here."

jade hums, agreeing to what they said. "want me to read this a loud to you, beloved?" he asked.

"wait, let me just get comfortable.." they trailed off, trying to find a perfect spot where they can be comfortable while jade reads to them the tale, all the while jade chuckles at them. "there!"

their head is placed on jade's lap, in which was covered by a towel, oh-so comfortably. "you can read now, jade!" they said. they also looked like an eager child wanting their parent to read them a bed time story.

the said man nodded and began to read to them the tale they always heard about since childhood, about the great sea witch encountering a mermaid princess who's wanting to be human after encountering a handsome human prince whom she had saved from the shipwreck the other day.

all the while jade's reading it a loud, (name) had a smile painted on their face, hearing jade's soft and lovely voice as he reads the story honestly makes their day a lot better.

the two lovers stayed underneath the umbrella all day, finding comfort in their embraces as they reminisce the childhood tale they have countlessly heard over and over again and yet they never grew tired of, especially when it's coming from their lover's mouth.

WRITER'S ENDING OF A SWEET RAMBLE!

honestly, I relate too much about azul's past, like, some people need to stop shaming others just because their appearance. everyone is beautiful in their own way (✿◡‿◡)

that aside, hope this satisfy you, @bi-panicatthedisco! I think I went away from the beach picnic a bit but, I hope you still like it!

rules! + masterlist!

[pinkomcranger]

I saw your post about Saga and I 100% agree. I love her character so much and was so happy they avoided stereotypes AND gave her agency. She wasn't there just to save Alan (the horrid magical black person troupe was avoided) she was there for people who meant something to her and they just so happen to work together by the end. Remedy truly wrote a fascinating character and got a great actress to portray her. I'm glad the hate died out from the reactionaries but the apathy from the fandom is just as bad sometimes. I love her personality and I honestly love AnderCase as a ship and incorporating Saga into ships (AndercasexWake is a thing for me lol). I also like them as friends, their dynamic is so damn good I want to see them in future games. However, I gave up writing Andercase because people just ignore it most of the time. The fandom in general kind of feels isolating if you don't like the standard ships/characters. It's discouraging and sad and makes it hard to want to post. I tried again and of course the fic did poorly so I don't bother, reminds me how little people want anything to do with Saga. Even general fics would be awesome if people are squicked by het or don't like Saga and Casey as a ship. The fan space for her and ships/dynamics with her is so small...Drawing her is scary too given someone was attacked over it, so that worries me too and I kind of backed away. There's barely anything of Saga in any fanworks and when women are involved they gravitate to Rose and in some cases Estevez (the Yakuza mod just broke my heart they did not think to add Saga before Rose who has less time and at a point people shipped Casey with Estevex BEFORE Saga like WHAT). I know that struggle you're feeling. Saga and anything with her is a footnote and I know it's not malicious but it sucks. Fandom favoritism does not help, even in the smallness of Saga fandom content only a handful are seen and the rest ignored. I've been there and seen it, it pushes newcomers away. I hope this gets better in the future but not holding my breath. Love Remedyverse/Remedy but the fandom space depresses me which sucks because everyone seems nice to me, just...sorry for the rambling. Just saw a post that resonated with my frustrations.

Do you know the thing that gets me the most about Saga? She was created by a white man. And he, along with the other writers, made SURE to avoid the stereotypes we usually get in black women protags, especially in video games. She has a power, yes, but she's not using it solely to save one person. She doesn't even know she HAS a power until halfway through the game!

She wants to save her daughter first and foremost and then Casey, she tells Alan this point-blank, save my daughter and Casey, non-negotiable, she's NOT helping him otherwise. And you can see that as selfish, but it's not, if it had JUST been herself thrown into the story? She would've been FINE with it, you see her getting more and more excited about the case. She's intrigued EVERY step of the way. It only becomes personal when Alan has the audacity to use Logan and Casey, that's her line in the sand.

Melanie puts so much into making Saga come alive, because as amazing as the writing is, she could've still fallen into the sassy black woman trope, and Melanie doesn't let that happen. I think the ONLY criticism you can give her is that her accent slips, but I really never noticed it. I agree that I'm glad the hate from the dumbass gamer bros, but like you said, the apathy can be just as bad, it's a choice to not say the quiet part outloud.

I genuinely wish they'd just say, she's a black woman, therefore, I'm not interested in her. I only care about the white men. At least be HONEST about it, instead of raving about how fun it was to play as Saga and she's so badass but not backing it up with actions.

I love Andercase with every fiber of my being. I loved them from their first scene, despite knowing she was married to somebody else. Casey is Saga's support, you see her loving to crack her puns to Casey, she even thinks of one and saves it to memory solely to tell it to Casey. Not Logan, not David, but Casey.

They mirror each other, again from their first scene, drinking coffee at the same time. A trait they keep, even as the horror story creeps closer. Casey wouldn't be even a little bit interesting to me if he wasn't paired with Saga. He's the moon and she's the sun.

I'm so sorry you were discouraged to write and post about Andercase, even just as besties. Because their dynamic IS gold, and it echoes even when they're separated. The second Kiran shows up and kicks Saga off the case, she gets over it, fine, she'll deal, but help her find her partner, damnit! I've enjoyed fics where they are just besties, the ones that ACTUALLY focus on them and, you know, doesn't make Saga the driving force for CaseyWake and nothing else.

I think that's one of the reasons it's hard for me to ship Saga and FBI Casey with anyone else, because they're each other's closest interactions for so much of the game. It's hard for me to ship Alan with them because I see him and Saga as the true platonic soulmates of the AW2 cast and Casey HATES Alan. All the way up the ending of the final draft. You can see it in his expression and body language, if he hadn't just been through the wringer and so happy to see Saga, he definitely would've punched Alan for all he shit he's put them through.

Writing a pairing you love, feeling so proud and happy about the work you've done, just to see it brushed aside is one of the most painful feelings as a creator. Fandom is supposed to be for EVERYONE, it's not supposed to be high school cliques that can't interact with each other. I don't ship Alan with Saga's Casey (it's just the only way I see him, heh), but I've seen some AMAZING fan art for them that's made me smile. But you rarely see Saga involved, which makes no sense in regards to her Casey. If it was fictional Casey, that would make sense, he doesn't exist outside of Alan's head, while Saga's Casey is a living, breathing person who spends most of his time with Saga or talking about her.

Yet she's relegated to the bro when her Casey and Alan only have her in common. I can't buy Casey being soft and domestic with Alan to save my life. I see it with Saga, I can see Saga being soft with Alan because she does show that side to him. That's who she is, if you've earned her trust and respect. You can tell Saga is always the "good cop" while Casey is the "bad cop." The only time you see him sympathetic towards Alan is when he first washes up to shore. He's mocking him but holding his tongue because Saga's not going to take that nonsense from him.

You only see Casey show the full force of his anger towards Alan when Saga isn't there to stop him. To say "Yes, THAT'S the actual love story here" is a...choice, one that actively ignores the on-screen narrative. Again, fictional Casey and Alan are a completely different topic and not something I care enough to write about.

NOBODY should be attacked for liking a pairing because what does that do? What does it accomplish except make yourself feel better and superior? Again, it's been a choice to ignore the two main women in the series, which are Alice and Saga. But I've seen quite a few fics where Alice gets to be paired with CaseyWake, while you'll be hard-pressed to find a fic where Saga gets to interact with them. That tells me something that makes me uncomfortable. And that's covert racism.

You can't even make the excuse that there's nothing left to learn about Saga, because that's simply untrue. We know the bare minimum about her family on the Anderson side, and absolutely nothing concerning her father (who is Warlin Door and I will die on that hill). We don't know much about her created family, certainly nothing about David, outside of the fact he likes Bright Springs, and boardgames and doesn't take his daughter to get checked out after she hits her head in the shower. The fact her entire identity ISN'T just Logan's mother and David's wife means so much to me.

You can't tell me it's because she's married either, because how can you say that in one breath and then ship Alan with anyone but Alice in the same breath? It genuinely leads me to think it's simply that she's a BLACK woman. And as you said, seeing people create ships for Rose and to pair Estevez with CASEY, when she's an out-and-out lesbian that Casey only meets near the end of the game speaks volumes.

I genuinely think if you swapped her race, she would be less ignored, and that's extremely fucked up. Saga was created with so much love, care, and respect. A black woman protag that we could get behind and feel represented by. A smart, strong, caring badass, who still retains her femininity, but who has an identity outside of "mother" even though saving her daughter is her driving force, it's not her only one. She cares about her newly found grandfather and great-uncle. She cares about Rose, despite the woman irritating her in the beginning. She worries for the residents of the nursing home. She has mixed feelings towards the CULT. And of course, her secondary concern is Casey. And once she sees how hard Alan is trying, she comes to care for him as well. Why else tell him he's a hero when she has every right to hate him more than anyone else in the game?

She cares about these people she's met, and she knows they deserve to be saved. And Alan is the first to admit he can't do ANY of it without Saga. If the main character of the series acknowledged Saga, why can't the fandom?

I truly hope that you can find the courage to try again with Andercase, or just Saga in general. Because I'm seeing that there are people that love her, and maybe they're not content creators but consumers, and that's now one of my motivations. To feed their hunger because they're part of the fandom too, and they shouldn't be ignored. I promise you, you'll have a fan in me. And sometimes, just one person knowing they love what you create and how they look forward to it is enough. I'm not interested in a popularity contest. You'll never see me in ship wars. I'm here for FBI Special Agent Saga Anderson. This is her story too, to make her the footnote in fanworks is terribly egregious and goes against the very thing Remedy wanted.

If you ever want to ramble, my inbox is always open. If you ever have ideas you want to see in regards to fanfic for Andercase or Saga, I'm right here. Thank you so much for giving me a chance to read about your feelings for Saga and her partner. It means the world to me.

[thecasualqueer]

Fanfic Writer Questions!

Thank you for the tag @fazedlight and @thatonebirdwrites I've never been tagged in one of these before so this is exciting :)).

1- How many works do you have on AO3?

I have 4 works on AO3 I wrote 2 a few years ago (that will honestly never be finished) then took a long hiatus, and then came back and now I have one published WIP and one finished work

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

16,866 words

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Supercorp (although I have dabled in writing for other fandoms but never published anything, those ones are just for me)

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

I will always be your hero - 214 Kudos

Finding Family - 90 Kudos

Stay the night (not to be continued) - 42 Kudos

Two Heroes in one (not to be continued) - 37 Kudos

5. Do you respond to comments?

Yes sometimes, I don't respond to all comments but I also don't really have a system for which comments I do respond to.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I don't really have anything that fits this yet, and tbh I'm not the biggest fan of angsty endings so idk if I see myself writing one in the future, but we'll see.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I will always be your hero

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Not really, I assume I will at some point in the future but right now I am very happy to exist in this internet space where people are being nice to me.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

No, I don't (far to repressed for that lmao).

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

I haven't written any but never say never, right?

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No, but if anyone ever does want to translate one of my fics feel free to do so :))

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Nope, but tbh I have a feeling I would be a nightmare to work with as I work very slowly due to my disabilities.

14. What's your all time favourite ship?

Supercorp

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

hmm... as I mentioned earlier on in this post there are two fics that will not be finished because I don't want them to be (I feel like my writing has improved a lot since then and I wouldn't make the same witing choices now so it doesn't make sense to drag them back out).

I also have 14 unpublished WIPs so I guess most of them will never be finished, I just don't know which ones yet.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Idk really, I feel like writing dialogue really flows out of me in a way that other parts don't as I can picture the characters in my mind acting out the scene.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

my main difficulty is speed, but also finding its to put in between the dialogue so that it doesn't feel awkward.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I don't really have any I'm afraid. I only speak English so I would probably never do more than a word or so as I wouldn't know how to do more.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Supercorp

20. Favorite fic you've written?

Absolute favourite fic is yet to come so stay tuned for that, but my favourite published fic is my current WIP Finding Family.

and now I'm going to tag @crime-wives to join :)).

[chaos-monkeyy]

20 Questions for fanfic writers

Tagged by @trainofcommand and @cordeliaperry , thank you 😁

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

351

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

969,232 !

(I had a soft goal of trying to break a million this year, but I probably won't quite make it. Ah well, next year!)

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Literally anything I see or read that happens to hit squirrel-brain in the right spot: Stargate, Star Wars, Cosmere / Stormlight Archive / Sanderson's books generally, Loki series & other MCU media, OFMD, Good Omens, Dresden Files, Star Trek (and one-offs for random-ass shows like the Mentalist, 1899, tLoVM, Echoes, etc). Honorable mentions to past beloved fandoms that I'm not super likely to really get back to again include Midsomer Murders, the Witcher, Assassin's Creed, and the Expanse 💕

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Top spot is A wonderful thing (OFMD); the next four in order are all Witcher - A Tight Fit, Stolen Moments, Keep it up, and Undignified.

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I do! I love seeing people's reactions, and letting them know how much I appreciate that they took the time and energy to comment (because fuck knows, I don't always have the spoons to comment on stuff myself). And it's so nice to get that connection with people and get excited about stuff together!

(I have missed some replies here and there just because of over-stressing about what to respond, and subsequently feeling guilty that I left them unanswered so long 🙈 ahh, anxiety-brain, you sure are special)

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

This is one is easy, it's definitely Zombie / what's in your head. One of only two times I've written Major Character Death, and the only time I've used the Angst and Tragedy tag.

It's fucking brutal, honestly. Damn good, but ouch. Dark. Sometimes I reread it when I just want to cry hopelessly for awhile. It's like an... emotional reset or something.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Most of my fics have happy endings in the happy-sexy-sated vein, but most of my fics are also happy-sexy-oneshots so there isn't any real conflict or worry to come back from that makes the happy ending something that wasn't a given, if that makes sense. My first thought for something more involved was Inflection Point, but it's not exactly a happy ending for everyone. So I think I'll go with Curious Creatures, because even though I know how it ends and I wrote the damn thing, I still somehow get worried it will have a sad ending every time I go back and reread it, and then I'm relieved all over again at the end.

(Honorable mention to the Adventures of Admiral Prawn and Yee-Claw, because how can we not be happy that he found his lost hat with the help of a new friend 😂)

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Honestly nowhere near as much as I'd kind of expect to? 😆

I had some rando dickhead giving me grief in comments on a couple Assassin's Creed fics, and I've seen people griping in fandom social media spaces about a couple of my works and the fact they (gasp) existed in the tags at all, but mostly people have been decent and kept it to themselves when they don't like me or my writing 💖

9. Do you write smut? If so what kind?

Yes. All of it. All the smut.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

Not really! Never published one to AO3. Closest I've got is that Witcher-Assassins Creed WIP languishing in my google docs, and a silly fun little SGA-Original SW thing on tumblr from probably a couple years ago now.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Pretty sure, yeah. Not to the point of really being able to do anything about it but it kinda sucked. Shit happens.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes! A couple of them that I know of 😁

13. Have you ever cowritten a fic before?

Oh hell yeah. Many times 💕

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

Cock/Hole.

15. What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

Mmm I have two published WIPs that fall into that category exactly, Ill-advised encounters and The skills of Assassins. They were really fun, I'd have really liked to finish them, annnd I probably never will 😅

16. What are your writing strengths?

I think I'm pretty damn good at pacing a story, whether it's a oneshot or a longer fic, and at getting ~feelings~ across (whether it's horny feelings, smushy soft feelings, angsty feelings, whatever). And I've been told that I'm good at like... developing a setting and characters in a way that flows or unfolds naturally with the story while you read? Or something like that? (they said it better and it made me very happy)

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

That would be not getting things actually started and just keeping the ideas in my head because What If this time I can't make the words do the thing good enough. Especially whenever I have ideas for something potentially longer or more involved, I do tend to kinda shoot myself in the foot by going "eehhhhh that would be a LOT of work though.... I don't want that kind of commitment....... Maybe I'll write down the idea later............"

Also being constantly distracted by shiny new things. But that part's fun 😆

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I use italics, try to limit it to single words or short phrases, and where possible I make the meaning clear or translated somehow within the fic itself. Last resort, I'll add a little glossary to the start or end notes if it's important to the story.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Midsomer Murders 💖

20. Favourite fic you've ever written?

I genuinely don't have a favourite! There's a few I'm extra proud of myself for accomplishing, but I really like most of what I've ever written for one reason or another.

Or another answer would be, my current favourite changes like every week and is usually one of my recent fics 😂 Right now it's probably The Taste of My Blade; it'll be something else in a month.

No pressure tags: @dewdropreader , @mirilyawrites , @starport-seven-five , @loki-is-my-kink-awakening , @dedkake , @wantonwhale , and I won't spam tag all the same people as I did in yesterday's tag game in case you're not feeling it right now, but as always - if you see this and want to be tagged, you are! 💙

[burnin0akleaves]

Hey! Sorry for popping in as anon, I'm genuinely not sure if some of the things I'm going to say are going to be nice, and I am a coward. But this is regarding you quitting to post in the RA fandom. If you consider my opinion on this as unwanted/unnecessary, do not feel obliged to reply. (Though I honestly think you never feel like that anyway)

I first saw your art when I joined the RA tag a while ago, and I thought to myself: 'Huh. Nice art, not my cup of tea though.' Since then, you have changed my mind. Your obsession with TRR Will and repeated posting about it not only has changed my thoughts on your art (I've really grown to like it) but also on the character of Will himself. I was on Reddit during that massive TRR Will hate phase and some of these posts had really tainted my view. You changed that and I am so grateful for that. Not seeing your art anymore will be sad, but I suppose my own lack of interaction is to blame for that. I made my bed so now I sleep in it. Your reaction to stop posting is justified and understandable, but that doesn't mean I'm not going to miss seeing your TRR Will on my dash.

Who knows what the RA movie (if it ever does come out) will do to this fandom, but I hope that new faces might get things swinging enough again for you to rejoin the fandom. Lastly, I have to say that for me, you've been a legend in this fandom, and will continue to be one, even if you focus on other things from now on.

Well hello there, this was unexpected. First of all thank you so much for taking the time out of your day to write to me! The reception to that post has been overwhelmingly positive even though it hasn't been up for that long and it makes me feel very glad I finally pushed myself to write that official goodbye message.

I don't know who you are and I don't really have any guesses, your message implies you didn't interact with my posts a lot so maybe I saw you around only a few times (?), but you have no idea how much this means to me. Throughout most of my time in the fandom my main goal was always to change people's minds about TRR and more specifically, TRR Will. I've heard that I succeeded many times and honestly, that was one of the biggest reasons I could keep myself so pumped up about a book series I read all the way back when I was in middle school (<- an adult saying this)

Seeing people go from "Cool post, not my thing though." to "Well I can kind of see what you mean when you say it like that." to "I agree, this does sound pretty good!" was both my biggest source of pride and motivator here. Hearing you say I changed your mind just now has the same effect on me, it almost makes me want to rush to my computer to draw or write about Will.

Also, extremely bold of you to say you didn't like my art at first motherfucker /j

Speaking seriously though, my art style practically grew here. When I first joined the fandom I was NOT good; hell, I can't look past anything before July of last year still. Maybe it was just me improving artistically that helped you warm up to my stuff more. I really really hope the new artists have that kind of experience too! You get obsessed with a little guy and then your brain decides to level up as fast as possible. TRR Will is that little guy for me.

Your last words are so, so kind. The way you speak about me here in general is extremely kind. I'm glad I was able to leave a good impression. And you're right, maybe all I need is a break and when I come back this space will feel more fitting again.

Like I said, I still have lots of connections to this fandom via others. I'm still technically helping out with the Gathering stuff, so maybe I'll work on doing a prompt or two still! I'm also a mod in the NSFW server and I love that place, I'm not leaving it anytime soon. If more TRR books come out you can bet I won't be able to shut up about them anyway, if I don't make at least one post then assume I'm dead.

What I'm trying to say is, I'll be around! Our paths will cross again.

PS: The entirety of the RA subreddit can suck my dick. I'm gatekeeping older, experienced Will from all of them. None of them deserve him.

[kuramirocket]

I came across posts you wrote a long time ago about Piper Halliwell and had to reach out to thank you. It seems like literally everyone LOVES Piper Halliwell, praising her as not just their favorite Charmed one but one of the best TV characters ever, and finding someone else who dislikes her was honestly the most validating experience I've had on this site! I recently rewatched a bunch of episodes and couldn't get over just how awful Piper is past the very first season. Fans are like 'all hail our sass queen!' like it's somehow a good thing that she goes out of her way to be ridiculously mean and bitter. She never, ever, ever stops complaining about everyone and everything, and it's not just that she's always in a terrible mood---it's that she directly takes that mood out on Leo and her sisters constantly, insulting and criticizing them nonstop. (Can you believe some people here think Piper was "too good" for Leo?! The man is a saint for patiently putting up with that shrew!) And she's always praised for her heart, but while the other three actually care about innocents, Piper is always the one whining about just wanting a "normal life" and throwing literal tantrums over things like wanting a better wedding or which of two great guys she should choose while there are literal LIVES at stake lol. Speaking of which, on a show about women destined to be witches, who thought it was a good idea to have one of the three main characters whine about how much she hates being a witch in Every. Single. Episode?! She's just such a completely unpleasant character with literally the worst attitude I've ever seen, and I can honestly say she ruins the show for me. (Disliking the turn they took with Phoebe's character didn't help either!) She was unapologetically terrible even before Prue's death, and it blows my mind that fans hate Prue for being too "harsh" when Piper is like a million times worse! Thank you for bravely speaking out so that all three of us who dislike her know we're not alone!!

Hello :)

Wow, I cannot believe it's been 5 years since I watched Charmed when I made those posts. And I never did finish watching the rest of the series 😭 So, naturally it's on my to rewatch and actually finish it this time around watch list. Lol

And I'm glad I could make you feel validated. When you, unfortunately, hate or dislike a character for whatever reason, especially one a majority of fans like, it's always nice to find like minded people. It's why I'm not quiet in my opinions. I want people to have a fun and safe space in fandoms even if that's just to discuss dislike for a fan favorite! Which is why if I am anti a specific character I try to tag properly so fans who do like the character can avoid my personal thoughts. And ofc, this means also never directing said dislike towards the fans who like specific characters. I just let people enjoy what they enjoy even if I do not.

Anyways, I'm surprised people view Piper as sassy. From what I remember, I never saw her as sassy, just annoying her complaints and plotline. And yeah! Prue maybe was 'harsh,' but she's the eldest and had that responsibility of caring for her younger sisters. She had a lot of weight on her shoulders. It's why she was serious a lot of the times and seemed to be hit the hardest by their mother's death from what I recall.

I wish I could comment more, but since it's been years don't remember a lot of details.

This ask made me smile, tbh. Again, glad you were happy to find my rants validating xD

[texasdreamer01]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

Self-tagging from @ygodmyy20! 👋

1. How many works do you have on Ao3?

80!

2. What’s your total Ao3 word count?

239,131.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Currently Stargate Atlantis, but I'm considering the Hobbit fandom again due to some fandom events.

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

Psychopomp (Space Australians fandom, technically origfic) Twixt Primroses and Hawthorns (Hobbit fandom) All we are, and all we have… (Star Wars TCW / Prequel fandom) Ādfȳr (Hobbit fandom) Nice Manners for a Thief (Hobbit fandom)

5. Do you respond to comments?

I do my best, even if it's just to say thank you. I've gotten some puzzling comments before, so I haven't gotten to them yet.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Uhhhhhhhhhh I guess it depends on the fandom? I write angst a lot, anyway, so it's difficult to tell which is the most angstiest story. Maybe The Serenity Protocol, for the Star Wars fandom?

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

In terms of most satisfying resolution, maybe Svabhāva from YGO DM.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I had this one guy who left comments on every single fic on FFN below a thousand words saying "This is not a drabble.", which I suppose counts?

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Yep! According to my commenters, "hot".

10. Do you write crossovers?

Yyyyy-no? I have one drafted but it's not even remotely finished.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Once! And it was even from someone commenting on my fic! They did a terrible job filing off the serial numbers for it, too.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

I've translated my own fics as practice, but never by anyone else.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Accidentally, yes.

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

I have a multitude of ships because of different dynamics and fandoms, so honestly I couldn't pick between them?

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Kintsugi, in the Sherlock fandom. I had to take a break from it and don't know if I'll ever be able to re-dedicate the time it needs.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Verbiage. I used to write a lot of poetry before doing long-form, so the word choices carried over.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Writing while tired or otherwise preoccupied, mostly because I write to think out an idea rather than to attract attention, so I'm not terribly concerned with quality until I re-read it.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

Pretty fun for some fandoms! It gets frustrating with some conlangs that are obviously under-developed, or if it's a fandom that's typically English-only and you have characters that know other languages but for some reason never use them.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Danny Phantom.

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

Ehhh. I can definitely say I've improved with my writing, but I've never gotten into the habit of genuinely liking my work because I know it could be better.

No pressure tags: @spurious, @pandora15, and anyone else that wants to do it!

[multifandomslxt]

I was about to DM you but then I saw that anon and THOUGHT fuck them. I HOPE they see this and eat shit. I want to say this because I want to get it off my chest. As someone who has been in non poc and non-black spaces before. I can say that your blog is one of my safe spaces for me. It's so refreshing to be in a space that isn't dominated by white people.

I used to read a LOT of Fall Put Boy fanfics when I was in middle school and felt sad when I would see what the MC looked like. Because she was either a blonde, brunette, or a red head that had pale skin and blue eyes. Then it got to a point where it was everything that I read, so I just "ignored" it or would pretend that this was me, and honestly looking back on it, I'm ashamed of it. Especially as a writer myself. It is SAD that I had to pretend as a BLACK WOMAN that I was this white girl who was named Riley or Clare to fantasize about a biracial white passing man.

Then, when I got into KPOP, I found AMBW fanfics, and it was nice, but I felt weird about reading it because it wasn't seen as the normal fanfics I was consuming for the past 3 years. Then I realized that I have black OCs from childhood, and I've imagined myself in stories before. Why am I uncomfortable now? Do I not love being black? I went down a whole spiral and was like well why don't I not describe race in my writing? It'll be easier for me and other readers. That way, it can be for everyone. After I found this on book that I LOVED on wattpad, I realized that I wanted to write this too. I want to write about being a black woman falling in love with an idol and them loving me back.

It wasn't until I was 18 and joined into an all white space that I realized I would and could never belong. No matter what, Fandom, no matter what I wrote or who I wrote for, I wouldn't have anything in common with them. Even when I showed them my AMBW fanfics, they felt like it was a good idea, but they felt uncomfortable because they couldn't center themselves in it.

The moral of the story is that it is HARD for black people and other poc to center themselves in stories that are not for them. The world makes it hard for them to. I want to write more fanfics about kpop idols falling in love with black woman. Or just living life and falling in love. I want to write anime fanfics with a black OC getting into MESS. Every time I get on this app and I see (idol) x blk reader (mostly Johnny) I get so happy or when I I see head canons of (kpop group) washing their black s/o hair it make me happy. It inspires me as a writer.

FUCK YOU ANON you're scary af and @multifandomslxt thank you for working so hard to create fanfics for us. I hope you keep doing it. I hope I didn't offend you by talking about my past issues.

Firstly, no you did not offend me sweetheart 🫶🏿

I’m happy that my fics and works provide people with comfort and happiness because that is exactly what I made them for.

I grew up on wattpad. Reading a lot of 1D and 5SOS fan fictions with white FMC all the time.

Every time they mentioned her long straight hair I always said that she was just wearing a 360 lace buss down😂

I didn’t realize until years after how fuxked up it was for me to only have access to books with little to representation of poc especially black women.

The romances that had black women were always rooted in trauma.

No soft loving

No calmness.

just pure chaos

And it made me realize that a lot of people think that black women cannot have love fictionally or realistically w/o it being toxic and chaotic.

I also realized how a lot of people and myself (unfortunately) thought that darker skinned, fat/chubby black women and other poc would always be the last choice for love or as a romantic interest.

I’m glad I grew up and understood that I was beautiful and fucking amazing but with that also came the reality that not everyone felt that way.

Unfortunately there were women out there who hated their body, skin, personality etc. Everything that made them unique.

And so I decided that no matter where I existed I would always make sure to highlight and uplift all my pretty bitches😂🫶🏿

Especially when they think they aren’t.

So yes, @multifandomslxt is a blog created exactly for that purpose and it’s here to fucking stay💕

[kedreeva]

What do you make of people who comment on a fic, but only to point out spelling or grammar mistakes? I had this happen today, got a comment from someone who's never commented before, on the 72nd chapter of a fic that's now 450k long, just to point out I'd used the wrong verb tense. I don't know what to make of that. How can people stay quiet for 14 months, silently consuming what I produce, but suddenly feel the need to speak up, just because I wrote 'lay' instead of 'laid'? Help me understand?

If I don't just outright delete their comment and never think of them again in my life, I attempt education on the matter and, failing that, make fools of them.

When I receive comments like this, I politely but firmly tell them I didn't ask for, and do not want, criticism on something I am doing for fun and that I either have or do not want a beta reader. I may link them to some of the posts I have made on the subject of commenting on fanfiction and how it's viewed. And then advise them that unless someone explicitly asks for help, it's best not to offer it on fanfiction because the majority of people are here doing this for fun, in their spare time, for love of the subject matter. Nitpicking can ruin that fun for a lot of people and cause them to not want to share anymore.

The ones that honestly just want to help swiftly apologize, often saying it wasn't their intention to cause harm. There are people who genuinely do think it makes writers happy to receive crit on fanfiction, without realizing that it's usually circumstantial to solicitation. Once they see another perspective, they will go forward trying to respect writers. We can still be friends, these people are excellent members of fandom, and we don't want to chase them away, which is why I try to be polite first. It's okay to not know etiquette! Etiquette can be learned. Etiquette also changes over time and between locations- sometimes people remember being on places like ff.net where the response area was labeled "review" and carried a different expectation- but honestly, no less harm was done then, which I think is part of why AO3's response section is called "comment" instead.

The ones that just wanted a power trip by showing off They Know Better Than You get super defensive and often nasty. You can handle that however you please. If they can't behave themselves in my spaces, I immediately stop being nice about it until I've made sure they understand I'm not prey worth their time. As a bonus, if I make the experience unpleasant enough, they may even think twice about doing it to anyone else, either.

[distant--shadow]

get to know meme

lil thing where I'll give a bit too much detail so it fills its purpose, honoured honestly to be tagged by three of my favourite writers in this space @sharkodactyl, @unicyclehippo , and @astoriacolumnstaircase - anyone reading this should be reading their works instead.

favourite colour: brown(s), like a mid to a dark tone, i like them to have a bit of red involved. like our old-boy chet, I love the wood. my dream home would be all wood-panelled with built in inlayed and set back shelves and nooks a plenty and yeah just full of brik-a-brak. otherwise my favourite colours are navy blue and greens that are more mixed with blue than yellow, teals and emeralds and once again generally around the mid tones. green makes me very happy. moss and outdoors and all that.

currently reading: fic. haha. (suss my recommend reading tag) I did venture out to my (very) local queer bookshop and asked them for something that won't send me on a spiral if I'm already on one/provide some escapism and they reccomended river of teeth by Sarah gailey. anyone I've said about it to seems real enthusiastic about it, I am not well read at all when it comes to published things, tend to just get really into a few fandom authors works and picking them apart (rereading a lot) . still haven't started it but maybe I'll try take it out to the park in the next week or so. I'm dabbling in reading (and unfortunately writing) poetry thanks to @picturesofthegoneworlds and @blorbotomy 's influence, those mini books are fun to keep on you when out and about, poem or two on a tree stump or boulder with a grand vista and a brain that wants eyes on a phone screen.

last song: last song I consciously (not background music) listened to was:

I went on an early lord snow stint the other night because the air smelt crisp and there was a nice chill. they have remained my favourite heavy (as a broad term) band for a decade now.

I used to have music on all of the time, whether that be cd's at home or in my mp3 player (that I still take out with me) but these days I find listening more of an intentional activity and I prefer to have people just nattering when I'm at home and want background noise. think it's where my heads at and I've just got more sensitive to being overstimulated I guess. I was also pretty good at going to a live gig at least once a week before I did my back in, looking forward to getting into that habit again.

last series: I don't watch much stuff outside of critical role, least other than YouTube videos I'll put on whislt I'm drawing. oh wait yeah I ordered 3 seasons of xena on ebay because it's like a couple of quid a season and it is a real good comfort show and fucking amazing. I hadn't seen it since I was pre teen and it was on day time TV and I'd catch it on sick days. the amount of people I've brought it up to these past few months who've been so stoked to be reminded of it/eager to watch it with me is actually hilarious.

last movie: uhhhh God movies I watch even less. I haven't been to a cinema in over 12 years now, just not my thing, and it's funny caus my mum used to work in the film and TV industry and we had shelves and shelves full of VHS growing up (mostly bootlegged) and she can just ramble about pretty much any early era film up to the stuff from the 80s (when she was working on em) for days. never could sit through em, never felt satisfied with how the story went. guess that's why actual play appeals to me. but saying all this I did rewatch Bound for the first time since I was like 15 last month or so, enjoyed it a lot more than I did back then.

sweet/savory/spicy: savory all day. I am a salt fiend. I used to think I'd be fortunate enough to die from my salt intake. I'll put it on anything. cereal, toast, fruit. I think the other day I noted the one thing I wouldn't put it on, but I can't recall that right now honestly. it's gotta be decent salt too, sea salt or rock salt that has some texture and delicious flavour, I'm not fucking with that table salt shit. I carry salt with me in a mini mason jar everywhere I go, saves when you only have access to bland cold supermarket food. one of my earliest memories is when I was like 6 I had had my daily 1 glass allowance of squash/fruit cordial in my white Tom and Jerry printed beaker with the accordion bendy straw and so when I was pouring myself a glass of water from the tap I put salt in it caus I wanted flavour that would not show through the white translucent container. it's all been downhill from there, although I also, luckily I guess caus otherwise I would be really fucked, do drink a lot of water.

currently working on: myself and healing. hah. I never realised how much paperwork and phone calls came with this maintenance shit. I'm still out of work, and my mental health has taken a huge hit from not being able to do the things I usually would. so right now I'm just trying to keep everything together. I can draw again though, so sorry about that.

I never know who to tag in these things caus I don't think everyone wants to do them. so I'll go with this being open invite as always. hope anyone who read this far is having a good week, and sentiment is still there even if you didn't read this (unless you don't deserve my well wishes, then fuck you.)

[aprilsadviceaskblog]

hi. i feel really embarrassed asking but this is something that’s been eating me alive for months and i just feel like nobody in my real life, even my therapist, truly understands.

i have no emotional relationship to my family that’s in any way positive, i have never been able to maintain a friendship. i had no adults to turn to growing up, nothing and nowhere was ever really safe. i have always felt so painfully, deeply alone and the only factor in common is me. i feel like there must be something wrong with me.

i try really hard to be a good person and a good friend. i know how bad it feels to be treated poorly and i never want anyone else to feel like that. but the second i make one mistake, people leave me for good, every time. i don’t think expecting perfection of myself is sustainable but i don’t know what else to do to keep people around.

i feel like nobody wants to be my friend and that they never like me for me; just something i can do for them or give them, and when that runs out, they leave. i feel like nobody wants the real me around anywhere.

and when i try to tell people how i feel they always say “oh there’s nothing wrong with you, you’re fine;” but i know that’s not true. i feel like no matter how hard i try to be and do good, i’l always be a bad person just trying to compensate.

i’m really sorry but i don’t know if i’m looking for advice or validation or whatever else. i wish i knew so i could abide by your ask guidelines better. if you can’t answer or post this because of that i understand. i hope you’re having a good day. you seem very nice and you deserve it.

Hi anon,

I felt so similar to you for so long. And sometimes I still do. I struggle to make friends without people taking advantage of my nature to be giving.

I have two close friends now, and I met them both online. And while one of them I can see in person once every couple months, most of our connection is online and honestly, it's a good connection. Even before we met.

If you can, I recommend trying to engage in an online space. If you feel anxious, you are welcome to reach out to me to join one of mine. I run a trauma discord server, and a recovery focused one. (The recovery one is 18+). I can vouch for mine because my mods and I work hard to make sure everyone gets a chance to be heard. A lot of the members are really wonderful, and I've been told the server helps them feel less alone. Of course, this isn't your only option. You could try meeting friends in things like fandom spaces, other support servers, et.

Whatever you end up doing, anon. Your feelings are so valid. And it's so valid to be struggling with this. Being lonely sucks. Even with a couple friends, I feel so lonely sometimes and want connection. I don't think you're a bad person at all, but making friends can actually be really hard. TV shows and movies show it like an easy thing that just happens to people. And in real life, that's not the case a lot.

[pipermca]

Very Quick TFCon 2023 Recap!

This past weekend I attended TCCon 2023 in Toronto! This is the first convention I've attended since the start of the pandemic (aside from a couple of very local ones) and it was so good. I love being among my people, the geeks. :) Spouse also attended with me; he is only a TF fan by osmosis (seeing how enthusiastic I am about stuff makes him happy about it too), but he enjoys the vibe of sci-fi and adjacent cons. He also claims to have had a good time.

Before we left, I was concerned about a few things: catching Covid again, boarding the cat, dealing with the disaster that flying in Canada has become lately, etc. We masked up anytime we were in con space, and I remain hopeful that our recent infections acted like a booster against catching it again. If we make it to this Sunday without coming down with it, I'll consider it a success.

Before I have to go to work tomorrow, I wanted to get my thoughts down about how the con went: the amazing, the good, and the disappointing.

The Amazing

Friends. Being able to catch up with (and in some cases meet!) other TF fans who I've chatted with online over the years is always amazing. I honestly don't want to start naming names because then I'll forget someone and feel bad. There is something special about being able to put a face to an online name.

If you were there and I missed you, I am so sorry. I tried, I honestly did. But I am an incredibly awkwardly shy potato in person, and I could only shove myself out of my introvert shell so much to message people and say "LET'S MEET NOW." Sometimes I depend on other people to say "PIPER! LET'S MEET NOW" because otherwise I dither and dither until the weekend is over and the chance is gone. :(

Thank you to everyone who put up with me; I love you guys. <3

The Pros. I steeled myself and went to the three pros who I wanted to talk to: Alex Milne, James Roberts, and Jack Lawrence. Alex was selling copies of Hot Motor Oil (omg book number two is INSANE and I cackled over it repeatedly), so while he was sketching in my copy I was able to thank him for the commission he did for me a while back. He said some very nice things about my choice! but it's important for me to thank people in person for the commissions they do for me. :3 Same thing with Jack; I got a commission from him just a little while ago, and I LOVE it. He was also very nice, even though I was only at his table to thank him and not buy anything. >.> (Next time I need to bring larger print protectors; his prints were GORGEOUS but there was no way I'd be able to get them home safely.)

And I bought some scripts from James; I've been dying to read the annotated ones because I am interested in writing my own scripts, and I wanted to see how he put his together and the thoughts behind them. I was able to tell him about how it was fanfic that led me to MTMTE which led me back into the TF fandom after a 25+ year absence, and he was really happy to hear that. (And commented about how the message that fanfic can bring in new fans needs to get back to the IP holders...)

The Costumes. Briefly, AMAZING costumes this year. I got some good pictures of some of them, but the creativity out there is fantastic.

The Good.

The Loot. I got a decent amount of stuff this year, and thanks to Spouse tagging along I was able to bring back a bit more than usual. And some of the stuff was for him, so he got something out of it too. :3

Non-TF Meetups. By happenstance, a coworker of mine lives in the area, as does some WoW guildies that Spouse knows. We'd never met any of these people in person, so we made time for that and I'm happy we did. Also, not having to go downtown? Priceless. XD

Cat Boarding. We boarded our new cat while we were away, and it went well! She is very adaptable, and I'm glad that they liked her. This was sort of a test run for longer vacations, and now I feel comfortable leaving her there for longer periods of time.

The Disappointing

The Pros I Didn't Meet. See: awkward potato. I did want to say hello Frank Todaro (he has a very good moustache by the way) and tell him in person how much I enjoyed his work on WFC (as Starscream and Rattrap - but Starscream specifically was great), but there was always someone at his table when I went by, and I'm an awkward potato, and I (?) didn't really want an autograph but felt bad just going and talking to him without buying something like I did to Jack, so I didn't talk to him. And David Kaye ALWAYS had a huge lineup so that was totally out.

No Toyhax? I was hoping that Toyhax would be there so I could buy some decals for the car (ones I ALMOST bought in 2019 but didn't, and I've regretted it ever since.) But they were not at the con. (I also kind of wanted some other sticker sets.) I've checked their website and I think the car decals in 2019 were being sold by someone just sharing their table but I can't remember who, so - blah. Too bad.

Travel Shenanigans. It all worked out in the end, but our trip to Toronto was a little... interesting thanks to some computer glitches with the airline. It added stress to me that I didn't need. 

Writing. Hahhahahaaa! No writing was done over the weekend. Zero words written. I was either too busy, or too tired. :/

Health Issues. I won't get into it much here, but attending the convention made me realize that I am still suffering some effects from the Covid infection I had at the end of May. I have a doctor's appointment in a few weeks so I can let her know about it, but we'll see if there's anything they can actually do. -.-;

And that was TFCon 2023! I hope I can attend again next year; this really was a great experience.

[welcometoteyvat]

rant ahead lmao

i believe your gripes are completely valid because i have the same gripes. it feels like their storytelling (for the entire game) is all over the place. the high cloud quintet is literally something i’ve never chanced upon in the game. i only know it via fandom. this is similar to how that pyro butterfly lady is the crimson witch. only those who dig deep enough into the game will find out about it, and just like genshin, such “information” spreads quickly in the community.

HOWEVER, what genshin does better than star rail is that its main story DOES NOT rely on these snippets to tell its story. do i need to know she was the crimson witch when what happened to her happened? no. not at all. she was there for X purpose in the main storyline and therefore she did what she had to do and left. her being crimson witch was to add depth to her character which the main story had no space to do so.

stair rail, on the other hand, EXPECTS you to find out all these little tidbits, which to me is too time consuming and annoying. why split the story into its separate segments if i need to know them in order to understand the main story?? that’s just poor storytelling imho.

i think you’ll like this video. i agree with it. i get that the funeral for fox character was supposed to be emotional, but this video is right that we know NOTHING about this character. from my own personal experience, the funeral was so boring and honestly irritating because i. don’t. care. in fact, i didn’t even know she was with us throughout the quest so when she had her background voicelines i was always so confused????

i feel the hype around the characters is because the designs of each character have given people a desire to seek more about said characters, and there is abundance information. but this shouldn’t be something to expect of the players.

give me a reason to care that’s not just aesthetics, please.

video will be sent in next ask.

video: https://youtu.be/vaPL0UZK_HQ?si=puvssJPBLc2H57vk

ok thank you for validating me LMAO i was constantly wondering "where is the ancient dead people lore" (hcq) during the entire quest chain, which unfortunately contained very little of what fandom promised me (character depth). apparently i've not be reading enough books and pamphlets you can collect since the lore is concentrated there and in limited character's character stories

tbh I think the reveal that La Signora was the Crimson Witch was also really bad lol, for the same reason that the video argues DH IL's transformation is unimpactful. like "omg wow alternate identity revealed!" but it doesn't really have any impact on the conflict of the story we're currently looking at. they could've just switched it, or not even given her a transformation, instead just showing an extended duel with us and making it visible that she was tired and out of power before she dies, and I don't really know if anything would've changed. same with dan heng IL, I'd probably get more out of it if I read the hcq book from that one opera performer, but ehh there wasn't enough visibly shown leadup, like you said.

I guess the difference between genshin world lore (things in artifacts, weapons, books, world quests etc) and star rail lore is that genshin's is either about the past or future, but not necessarily about the present characters? thinking about the pale flame lore, which gave everyone the fatui crumbs before scara and la signora's stories were introducted in the main storyline, the enkanomiya quests about the vishaps and ancient history of teyvat, and the narzissenkreuz quests that also connect to that + khaenriah + a host of other world lore things. I guess it's nice that reading through all the materials isn't "mandatory" because it's either about the ancient past, dead npcs (so many of the artifact sets) or foreshadowing for important elements in the future that will still get introduced in the main story. I will be biased and agree w you, star rail's lore crumbs are rather :\ storytelling. like I would be fine if the hidden nuggets of lore were about >npcs >lore that happened but is not directly relevant to a character's main arc >foreshadowing for future events/story. but instead it's more like mandatory background reading that is crucial to understand a character's stories, instead of enriching your knowledge of them? anyways yeah

now abt tingyun. I agree that the funeral was really ???????????? i agree w you and the video lol. playing it, I was mostly in disbelief that we're assuming tingyun is legitimately dead even though she's still playable (no dead playables in genshin moment). I also think the thing with the 3 npcs we had to talk to was bullshit because. like the video said, we could've spent time with tingyun (maybe visiting the npcs we collected things from) BEFORE she died and maybe it would have given us more emotional impact. the way they retroactively show how kind and generous she was really put me off, we could've seen this all in person instead of hearing it from other people...... bruh also the way everyone got together in that cutscene when i dont think any of them were really shown to have a deep connection w her is so ..... >_> the emotional impact did not hit whatsoever

but I'm gonna level with you I think they made her role as our guide pretty clear and the implication that she was traveling with us was also pretty clear. no shade though

about the rest of the video: oh he put things into words that I could not articulate JSDKLFJDSKL. not really any thoughts but i agree that a lot of the characters (qingque, xueyi especially) could have just been cut T_T i like both of their designs and personalities based on other material in game but their main quest participation was Not It rip. also agree about the characters being vehicles for exposition and not having their personalities shine through. I'd argue maybe you can tell somewhat of what they're like (jing yuan, fu xuan, yanqing to some extent) but man there's just too much lore explaining for them to really show what they do on a normal schedule it's so .......... also because fanart and fanfic makes them seem so fun im standing here looking at the main plot like >_> <_< what was that. i'm sure it gets better inside their own companion quests, which I haven't done, but that shouldn't be the only place the character gets to really shine lmao

I agree that their design makes people more willing to invest but god I'm so sorry hsr designs really aren't my thing, the color palettes are just incredibly bad JDKSFLJDSKLGHKDJ the only thing holding up the story are the plot and personalities of chars and neither of those were delivered ...

[katyspersonal]

People really have nothing better to do with their life? Unbelievable. They need to get a better hobby. Those last dm are really not necessary it’s so bad. They even dare to bring your friends in all of this mess. Take care, you deserve it.

I agree that the lengths they go through to try and kick someone out of the fandom are absurd, and yeah, I really do not understand what gets under their skin so hard that someone is still active in the fandom? I mean, Marble said "she tries to insert herself back into fandom by sending people nice asks :(((" which is honestly the most hilarious thing I've heard yet. Fandom is more than just their entitled toxic furry jerk-off circle! Who appointed HER to decide who "belongs" in the fandom and who doesn't? It is a free space!

All in all, people like that don't care about what is "necessary". They have a lot of pent-up aggression and latch onto any justification to mistreat another human being. It is specific kind of western community leeches that can't care less about anyone's mental state, whether they're sorry or not, that will hold something you did year(s) ago against you for all eternity, that see resolving a problem with another person in "removing" them instead of offering any sort of healing, communication and patience. No one on this wretched Earth owes anyone anything, of course, but the worst part? They will treat those that DO try to help one they deemed worthy of mistreatment as a "traitor". Why are you helping the """bad""" guy to recover and reassume their place in the society? You are supposed to spend this time and energy on the """good""" guys who already have everything!

The best red flags for such people even before you ever got into a conflict with them is if they express unambiguous sadistic glee when they "pissed someone off" in a [insert a community], if the see making people angry as "accomplishment", and also if they go far just to spite someone who upset them. Normal human beings like me or you do not see any honour in causing negative emotions, and even if our enemies are seething deep down we think 'damn, we really had to be enemies?' instead of feeling """victorious""" somehow. You see 'sadistic glee' = you know this person will be unhinged if you become enemies, simple as that. Even fandomry activity can expose that sort of attitude!

As for my friends... Again, I am as guilty about bringing them into the situation as my enemies are. I should not have mentioned the names in private convos ever. And in general, for the last part, you really should not feel all that bad for me... You see, I am an idiot. Despite my paranoid vibes never failing me, I still keep calming myself down and wrestling with my mind instead of trusting them, despite the fact that not even ONCE they failed me! Like... I just had a feeling that A. never forgave me despite her nice words, so why did not I fucking listen to my guts? I really want to act surprised that she saw an opportunity to get back at me when I already was staggered after lying about being "chill"?

Anyways, thank you for letting me talk about it (and other anon(s), too). If I continue getting this sort of attention, I might stop responding because if venting overstays its welcome it becomes COUNTER-productive, but just know that I appreciate the concern and common sense. And yeah, @ mutuals: again, if any of you feels unsafe publicly associating with me because of those people, you can inform me so I do not do asks/reblogs/comments and only talk in private. I am not a type of a guy that alters my behaviour because my enemies decide it for me, but when COOL people do not feel safe it WILL concern me.

[criticallyacclaimedstranger]

Fic: The Nicest Thing

Read on Ao3

My Frankie Morales masterlist

Rating: Explicit

Fandom: Triple Frontier

Ship: Santi x you/librarian!reader, Frankie x same reader, eventually Marcus Pike x same reader

Warnings: This one is a mess of angst, bad self esteem, shame, kind of slut shaming of the self, kind of sloppy seconds, kind of cheating but not really, super bad judgment calls, alcohol is involved, PiV sex, other people hearing you have sex, cunnilingus, basically public sex in a car, hangover. I think I got all of it?

Words: 5,740

Summary: After having turned down Frankie, the nice dad who visited you regularly in your workplace the library with his daughter, you meet Santiago and hook up. However, you had no idea who Santi's best friend is...

A/N: This is a sequel to What We Don't Know Can't Hurt Us. It's been long in the making but here we go. I originally started writing this together with @missredherring but she later bequeathed the story to me. Props to her thought for getting me started on this! This is not a happy story, so be aware of that. Song to go with it: The Nicest Thing by Kate Nash.

All I know is that you're so nice

You're the nicest thing I've seen

I wish that we could give it a go

See if we could be something

Your heart drops when you see Frankie come to a stop by the table you managed to grab for you in the busy bar, and you feel sick when he nods his hello to Santiago.

Frankie is one of Santi’s friends.

His brown gaze rests on your face and you can barely return it. You haven’t seen him at work anymore: after he asked you out and you turned him down, you talked to your supervisor and asked to be transferred from the children’s section. You didn’t want to see Frankie or his kid again and the section for adult fiction seemed like a safer place when wanting to avoid a single father and a child. The library, a space you always enjoyed spending your days in, became something of a video game where you were constantly on your guard, always dreading the sudden appearance of a handsome man armed with a shy, kind smile.

You never saw him at work again but now he’s standing right in front of you in this bar. Frankie, here, with you and Santiago, your new boyfriend – no, not boyfriend: fuck buddy – are to meet his friends for a couple of drinks. Santi makes the introductions and Frankie extends his hand, pretending not to know you. Oh. Okay.

“Good to meet you,” you mumble, shaking his hand quickly before releasing it, like you burned yourself.

Two more show up as well, brothers, and you realize that they are the ones that Frankie mentioned to you a couple of times when talking to you in the library, you keeping an eye on the service desk and he on his girl. Hopefully, the men won’t put two and two together and realize who you are. You’re pretty sure Frankie has mentioned you to them. If not Frankie, then his kid. Judging from how the men are asking Frankie how Sofia is doing, they’re all a tight bunch who know his kid and are actively involved in her life in some way.

You keep a low profile, smiling and answering questions politely without initiating any conversation. Santi’s hand is on your thigh most of the evening, and you do nothing to remove it. But in the presence of Frankie, whom you so very recently turned down because of his history, the hand on you starts to feel heavy and wrong.

You met Santiago not long after that catastrophic goodbye to Frankie. Your girlfriends thought you needed a night out, have some fun, get laid, and you decided to at least try in order to get your mind off the Frankie mess. When Santi’s velvety dark eyes met yours across the dancefloor of a club, you weren’t hard-pressed to accept his invites. He was a great dancer, moving his strong body sensually, always with a hand on your hip or your waist, occasionally on your ass. He was funny. He was a good kisser. He was great in bed, where you ended up with him that very same night.

He was handsome and charming, and you were honestly surprised that he texted you the next day. You met up, mostly for sex, but he would actually cook for you as well. He courted you before blowing your back out, and you appreciated that. He was thoughtful that way.

But you didn’t see yourself ending up with him, not long-term. You sensed that he wasn’t the type. And while you decidedly enjoyed fucking him, you didn’t see yourself ever loving him. You were having fun, that was all. Sure, you probably wanted more in the future from some other man but right now, this was enough. You felt beautiful and appreciated in bed with Santi, but you knew this thing has an end date.

And now, with this new revelation, it’s pretty clear that you’ve reached the end date. It’s tonight, right this minute. This isn’t right. But for some reason, you can’t seem to just get up, excuse yourself, and leave. Maybe it’s your mother’s voice deep inside your brain, telling you to be a good girl no matter how uncomfortable you are, just smile and nod, or maybe you feel sorry for Santi. Or, quite possibly, you just enjoy being in Frankie’s presence again. You avoid his stare but you feel it on you, your skin tingles with it, and you find yourself craving it. When Santi kisses you it feels wrong but exciting. You lock eyes with Frankie right after the kiss, blushing when you see the conflict painted on his face, plain for everyone to see before he seems to catch himself and carefully arrange his features into something more neutral.

The evening drags on and you drink a little too much. When an afterparty at Santi’s place is suggested, you are too dazed to protest. So you go with them, get into Will’s truck with Santi and Benny, Frankie driving himself. At Santi’s place, you end up on his lap while Frankie, Benny, and Will fool around the living-room. Benny is a bit of a brawler and keeps challenging his brother to wrestling matches. Santi accepts a challenge as well, leaving you on the couch for a drunken wrestle on the floor. Casually, Frankie sits down next to you, a little too close. He looks at you with heavy-lidded eyes. What he didn’t drink at the bar in order to be in driving condition, he’s making up for now. You ignore his gaze stubbornly but it’s hard because he’s just so near you. You feel his thigh against you and his shoulder is crowding you towards the arm rest… it’s torture. It’s ridiculous how bothered it makes you. How horny. How guilty and disgusting. Why does he have to smell so good? Old leather and sweat and beer and something sweet like… pomegranate?

You try to focus instead on the juvenile and idiotic match between Santi and Benny but the question that keeps ringing in your head is: What are you even doing here? Why are you still here where these two men that you don’t even want are pretending to fight each other for your hand?

Frankie leans closer. “Sofia asks about you.”

“Don’t,” you mumble, still refusing to look at him. You may have stared brazenly at him earlier when Santi’s lips and hands were on you but now you just feel dirty. You should leave, just take your shit and leave. But you don’t have your car and you’re too drunk to drive, anyway. Maybe an Uber?

A winner seems to be declared in the fight and Santi staggers over to the couch, grabbing your hand and pulling you up. He kisses you, panting from the wrestling, his alcohol breath puffing in your face making you wrinkle your nose.

“I think I’ll get an Uber,” you suggest carefully. “It’s getting late and I’m tired.”

“I’m not letting you into an Uber by yourself,” Santi shakes his head, suddenly sobering up. “No way. Stay the night.”

For some reason you end up agreeing. Maybe it’s pity: you know you’re going to break up with him – or whayever it is one does with a fuck buddy – or maybe you just want to spend one last night in his company. Whatever it is, the two of you end up in his bedroom, kissing desperately, Santi’s confident hands touching you in all the right places with the exact pressure you crave. He stops to make sure you are consenting in your inebriated state and doesn’t go on until you’re begging him to fuck you. When he finally pushes into your quivering cunt, he’s wearing a rubber and you’re already shaking from two orgasms he gave you with his fingers. He fucks you fast and hard, like he usually does; not without precision, but with a heated urgency that he keeps up for much longer than you ever expected. It’s his thing but it doesn’t make any less thrilling now than the first time. His skin turns shiny from sweat but he keeps nailing you to the mattress without showing any signs of slowing down, nearing his climax, or getting tired. You suddenly realize that it’s because you don’t matter to him more than he matters to you. If the two of you were committed and in love, would he be cradling your head against his shoulder, whispering in your ear how good you feel, how well you take him, how lucky he is to be fucking you like this, how he want to keep fucking his good girl like this until the end of time? Instead, he keeps himself high above you, arms straight in a push-up position, as he thrusts into you until he pulls out and makes you turn around so that he can continue from behind. His stamina hasn’t suffered as he goes on pounding you for at least another ten minutes while you struggle more and more to keep your voice down. The two of you may not share an emotional connection but fuck, he’s good, you’ve never been fucked like this in your entire life, it’s so insanely good and it will get even better when you cum on his cock, so you reach between your legs and rub your clit furiously, your moans rising with the tightening of the string deep within you. When it finally snaps you shout out and Santi curses, his thrusts turning more erratic.

“Can I cum on your ass?” he pants and you wail out a Yes! to which he replies with a growl as he pulls out of you, slaps your ass, then grunts loudly as the condom snaps off and he spurts hot cum on your ass and lower back.

He cuddles you for a little while after but the alcohol and orgasm are overpowering him and he’s out like a light, snoring blissfully next to you. You lie awake in the dark, exhausted and satisfied but unable to sleep because of his loud snores. You’ve spent nights with him before but he has always slept quietly and you guess the alcohol has something to do with his vibrating tissues.

The sound of steps in the apartment outside the closed bedroom door makes you freeze. Is someone still here? Didn’t everyone leave? Will would drive Benny but Frankie did drive his own truck here.

Oh no. No. Is Frankie still here? You vaguely remember something about crashing on the couch and driving home tomorrow morning, but you can’t be sure. Oh God. He’s heard everything, he must have.

You feel sick and tears of shame burn in your eyes. Slowly, your head aching with the beginnings of a hangover, you sit up and swing your legs over the edge of the bed. Quietly and without turning on the light you collect your clothes and get dressed, managing to put everything on right without waking Santi. Eventually, you slip out of the bedroom and slink into the kitchen for a glass of water.

The empty bottles and beer cans smell revolting, and there’s a slice of pizza sitting alone in an opened, greasy box. You don’t even remember having pizza earlier but you’re not hungry so it must be so. Turning on the tap and letting the water run until it’s ice cold, you fill a large glass and then drink all of it in one go.

Heavy footsteps enter the kitchen behind you and you turn around, heart in your throat.

Frankie, his t-shirt wrinkled and his wavy, thick hair tousled. He looks like he hasn’t slept in a week.

“Did you know?” he asks you in a low voice. Your frown tells him that you have no idea what he’s talking about, so he specifies:

“Did you know that he was a friend of mine?”

“No.” You shake your head, relieved that you can at least be honest about this, but terrified that the conversation turned to this giant elephant in the room immediately.

“He doesn’t do relationships, you know.”

“That’s not what this is,” you immediately let him know, then correct yourself: “Was.”

“Maybe you could try Will next.” Frankie’s harsh tone is like the slice of a well-sharpened knife. “Goldilocks is maybe more your type.”

You bristle despite feeling like absolutely shit about yourself.

“If this is how you are when you don't get your way, Frankie, then I'm glad we didn't get together.”

It hurts, but he has no right. You bet he’d never talk like this to Santiago. It’s probably bros before hos there, a pat on the back, an “I love you, hermano”, and you’ll be just an ugly memory.

You want to get away but Frankie’s blocking the kitchen door and while you don’t think that he would hurt you, there’s again that good girl voice inside you that tells you to stay and deal with this. You made your own bed with this and now you have to lie in it.

“Why him?” Frankie now demands, but there is no heat in his voice, only sadness. Nevertheless, it gets you worked up. Why does he think he has the right to question you like this? The honest, ugly truth is on the tip of your tongue.

Because he doesn't have a kid. Because I can't see the hurt of his last relationship still in his eyes.

But you can’t say that, it’s unfair. How much you want him and how much you know that the two of you won’t be good is unfair. The whole situation is unfair. It’s not Frankie’s fault he has a kid and a failed marriage behind him. It’s not your fault that you don’t want that, it’s not him, it’s his past, it’s just a dealbreaker for you.

“It just happened,” you offer helplessly. “I didn’t know. It just happened.”

You don’t owe him anything, you know that, but it’s Frankie – the sweet, kind man who would talk to you during your tedious hours at the children’s section, who would ask you about your day so far, about your job, whose child would be so well-behaved that you allowed yourself to fantasize about the father despite knowing you didn’t want a child in your life. It’s still that Frankie, his handsome face, the beautiful, soft brown eyes, that hair that you had hoped to maybe be able to touch one day. His smile that just made you want to open your heart as well as your legs.

You feel the tears rising again, and you sniffle and put down your glass.

“I think I should leave.”

For some reason, you grab a half empty vodka bottle from the kitchen table as you elbow past Frankie. Without your purse and your coat, you just shove your feet into your shoes, fumble with the lock, and stumble out. You take a deep swig of the vodka with the insane intent of drinking until you don’t have to feel any longer, but the liquor is room temperature and tastes foul in your already stale, dry mouth. As soon as you’re out of the apartment complex, you take another swig and fish your phone out of your pocket.

“Hey!”

You don’t turn around when you hear Frankie’s voice. Instead, you’re trying to see enough of your phone screen to open the Uber app.

“What are you doing?” Frankie has now caught up with you and is taking the bottle from your hand. You whine in protest but he just throws it to the side. The glass shatters in the dark and you realize that it’s chilly and you don’t have your coat or purse, so you have no keys.

“I’m trying to get home,” you mutter. “I need to get home.”

“You can’t go without a coat. And I’m not letting you go anywhere by yourself in your state.”

“Oh, so now you suddenly care about me, huh?” You want it to sound angry but you’re sobbing. The mere idea that Frankie cares about you is… heartbreaking.

“I do care about you.”

You look up at him, your hand holding the phone slowly falling to hang by your side, the phone slipping out of your grip and clattering to the asphalt. You’re shivering now, both from the cold and the shock, the adrenaline, the hangover, and as you try to speak, you find your teeth are chattering too hard. Frankie wraps his arms around you, quickly, and pulls you into his broad, warm chest. He’s in his t-shirt but still so warm. How can he be so warm?

“I care about you,” he repeats in a low whisper, and your arms slowly rise to his waist, where they tentatively come to hold him. Frankie hugs you closer still and you take it as an invitation for you to hug him tighter. So you do, and you start to feel his warmth seep into your limbs, your chest, your stomach, concentrating in a pool low in your groin.

“Frankie,” you whisper, turning your face up towards his. Your eyes fall close when you feel his lips on your cheekbones, kissing away your tears.

“I got you,” he promises, a soft puff of warm air against your face. “Don’t cry, querida. It’s alright.”

For a moment, you believe him. And you act on it, letting your lips find his softly, almost shyly. You have wondered for so long what it would be like to kiss him, and now it’s okay to do so. It’s okay, it’s alright, you tell yourself, and so you brush your lips over his, gently, with feeling. His chin and cheeks are filled with bristles that scrape your skin a little but it’s what you anticipated. Your raise one hand from his waist to his cheek and trace the patchy beard, touch the bald spots that you have been wondering about. You don’t ask him about them, though: there are so many other things that you want your mouth to do. You want to kiss him, kiss him for the rest of the night, and so you carefully slip your tongue out to lick at his lips, and Frankie parts them and lets you in, sucks you in with his own tongue, and before you know it you’re making out like teenagers and feeling just as young and stupid and horny.

His truck keys are in his pocket, you can feel the hard outline of them through the denim, and that’s not the only stiff outline poking at you. You rub yourself against him and he breaks the kiss for a moan.

“I want you,” you gasp, cupping his cheeks. “Frankie, I’ve wanted you since – “

“I know.” His hands come to your cheeks and you stand in the cold dark on an apartment building parking lot, staring into each other’s eyes and seeing anything only because you happen to be standing right next to the ring of light of a street lamp.

“Let’s go inside,” he tells you, his baritone dripping with want that makes your gut drop from desire. You’re brought back to where exactly you are: outside of Santiago’s apartment. Santiago, you’re fuck buddy. Frankie’s friend. You can’t.

“No,” you shake your head. “Your truck.”

You expect him to protest but he doesn’t, only takes your hands off his cheeks and pulls you away with him. He unlocks the car and pushes you up against the door, trapping you for a deep, hungry kiss that tastes of beer and a budding morning breath.

“You sure?” he asks you in a low voice. You take his hand and bring it between your legs.

“Yes.”

He helps you into the backseat, gets in after you, and shuts the door. It’s dark and cold but he drapes himself over you and breathes warmth into you with his kisses and wandering hands. He explores your body, so unlike Santi who seemed to just go for specific spots on you that he figured to be erogenous. Frankie caresses every inch of you, pausing when your breath hitches or a moan escapes you. He gets in under your clothes, under your skin even, and your head spins when he whispers into your ear how beautiful he finds you.

“Sweetheart, can I go down on you? Will you be able to cum on my mouth?”

You swallow hard and find your tongue for a whimpered yes.

“Say it,” he begs of you, not commanding you to use words but pleading with you to communicate what it is you need.

“Go down on me, Frankie, please.”

He kisses you deeply, with a slow passion that promises more for nights to come, before working his way down your body. After some rearranging and some limbs knocking into each other, followed by ouch! and giggled apologies as well as soothing kisses, you’re reclining naked against the corner of the backseat and side door. Frankie is half on the floor, half on the seat, licking your tits with dedication, his big fingers softly teasing your wet folds, conjuring all kinds of sounds from you. When he finally slides lower you’re almost embarrassed at how wet you already are, but Frankie soon has you dripping as he starts to lick his tongue into you, gathering your slick and spreading it all over you. When he latches onto your clit and sucks, you scream straight out from the shocking intensity. Your bury one hand in his hair and hold onto the door handle with the other, sobbing when he goes on sucking your clit before finally relinquishing it and switching to licks.

Santi would eat your pussy with a clear purpose in mind: orgasm. Frankie eats it with another agenda: pleasure, a long rollercoaster of ups and downs before he finally unhooks the train from its tracks and has you falling through the air and plunging into his arms. He doesn’t finish until the car windows are fogged up and you’re begging him with kicking legs.

“You taste so good,” he tells you with a satisfied sigh as he comes up to kiss you, his lips obscenely slick and the taste of you overpowering the staleness of teeth unbrushed.

“Could eat you all night,” he mumbles, “but I’d like to be inside you as well.”

“I’d like that too,” you smile, dazed but aching for him. You push him off of you and sit up, groaning a little at a strained muscle. When you start to unbuckle his belt, Frankie puts his hands on yours to stop you.

“I… don’t have any condoms. I’m sorry.”

“I’m on the pill,” you assure him. “And I’ve always used protection with… other men.”

“I’ve used condoms too, not that I’ve had the opportunity in a long while.” He sounds hesitant.

“If you don’t want to, Frankie…“

“I want to,” he cuts you off, “but I don’t want you to feel obligated. You can just jerk me off. Or I can do it myself.”

You know you’re clean and you sincerely doubt that Frankie has had any action in a while. And you need him inside you, there’s no way it’s not happening tonight.

“No,” you tell him and continue to open his fly. “We’re doing this. I want to, Frankie.”

His pants come off and his cock springs free, thick and veiny and a lot bigger than you had expected. Your cheeks flush red at the thought of having it bursting deep inside, and you’re happy it’s dark so that Frankie can’t see you. It’s not like it’s the first time you’ve seen a dick, after all.

You straddle him in the middle of the back seat, sighing out a throaty moan when Frankie comes forward to lick one of your nipples before closing his lips around it and suckling it softly, tweaking the other nipple between forefinger and thumb. You find him between the two of you, get up on your knees, and nock him at your entrance. You hold your breath when you slide down his thick shaft, all the way down to the thick base. Frankie’s gaze is interlocked with yours, his lips are parted and he’s breathing audibly. When he’s all the way in, he leans his head back, closes his eyes, and groans low, a deep vibration that travels through him and you, making you clench.

“Mierda,” he curses as his eyes open anew and his hands come to hold your hips. “You… damn. You feel so good. I’ve thought about this for so long, querida…”

“When we talked at work?” you murmur, dazed by the feeling of being filled up so completely, by his body, his hands, the heat he exudes. You raise one hand to the back of his neck and bring him to you for a kiss, losing your fingers to the softness of his thick curls.

“M-hmm…” Frankie moans into your mouth when you start to swirl your hips slowly. “Just like that…”

You wrap your arms around his neck and lean into him, moving on his cock in search of the right spot to take you to heaven, as if heaven wasn’t already here, with every inch of Frankie inside of you, finally, his hands on you, his hot breath on your cheek when you trail your lips to his neck and leave your mark there, mine, he’s mine, I wanted him since I first saw him…

He’s vocal; constantly telling you how good you feel, how wet you are, what you do to him. Your ears are filled with his intoxicated words as you hit that right spot and start to work it, your tits bouncing when you start to chase your high to the rhythm of your combined pants. Frankie’s hands are everywhere, on hips and ass and tits and face and waist and he kisses you sloppily, hungrily, asking you in a strangled voice to ride him, ride it home, take what you need from him before he cums, he’s close, you’re close, your body is dripping with sweat as you ride his cock harder, faster, almost there, there, there, oh God, fuck, Frankie…!

He holds you against his chest as you come down and the wild thumping of his heart is thunderous, just like your own. When your breathing is back to normal and the sweat has dried, you start to shiver and your head starts to pound.

“Let’s go back inside,” Frankie tells you, reaching for your clothes. His cum runs down the inside of your thigh when you climb off him and you suddenly remember that it’s not the only semen that has stained your skin tonight.

You suddenly feel sick. What the hell are you doing? You scramble to open the car door and barely make it out before you throw up. The cold night air has you shaking harder than ever before in your life and you feel feverish. Is this what it’s like to die from all those diseases they had in the nineteenth century? Hot and cold and sick and shaking so bad every inch of you is vibrating?

“Fuck, are you okay?”

Frankie’s plaid lands on your shoulders and he’s bringing you against him, his strong arms wrapping around you for warmth. You try to speak but your teeth are chattering too hard, so he helps you with your clothes, even remembers your phone that you dropped on the ground, and takes you back into Santi’s apartment. You don’t ever want to see Santi again but neither you nor Frankie are in any condition to drive, and you owe both of them an apology, so you let Frankie tuck you in on the couch. He covers you with blankets and sits down next to you, his sleep deprived gaze still attentive as he looks you over.

“I’m sorry,” you finally manage to whisper. He caresses your cheek and smiles softly.

“Don’t be. It’s okay. We’ll talk in the morning, okay? You need sleep, we both do.”

“I’m not sure – “

“Not now, querida. It’s been a long night.”

Gratefully, you accept the extra time you get before you have to do anything unpleasant, and you let him kiss your forehead before settling next to you. Despite feeling wretched, you fall asleep within minutes.

You wake up with a double hangover: physical and emotional. Frankie is next to you on the couch, half sitting up, half lying down, head lolling to the side. It doesn’t look comfortable but nothing has been comfortable for the past twelve or so hours.

So stupid, so fucking stupid!

You just want to leave. It shouldn’t have happened, you shouldn’t have given in to those urges that wouldn’t lead to anywhere good. You had perfectly valid reasons for not getting involved with Frankie but you just couldn’t help yourself. The alcohol had part in it, of course, but you hadn’t been uninhibited. You could’ve stopped yourself, but you wanted him too much. You could’ve gone without knowing what it was like to be with Frankie but you fucked it up and now you’re hurting.

Heaven was Frankie inside of you: his cock, his hands, his voice in your ear telling her how good you felt and how much, how long he’s wanted you.

Once you can move without feeling dizzy, you get up and quietly look around for your purse. When you find it, you check to see that you have your phone, wallet, and keys. Your panties are missing but that doesn’t matter, and you have nothing else at Santi’s place. It’s time to sneak out, one final act of cowardice and immaturity. Least you could do is wait for Santi and Frankie to wake up, then have an honest conversation with them, face to face. But no, you can’t do that. Your head is swimming, your stomach is upside down, your pussy is still beating with the echo of Frankie’s cock, and you need to get away from here. You’re done with this, done with Santiago Garcia and Francisco Morales.

On the way out, you hear Frankie move on the couch. His voice, cracking with sleep, says your voice. At the same time, Santi’s bedroom door opens and he steps out, wearing only boxer shorts. With eyes narrow and sleepy, he looks at you, putting together the pieces of what he sees. Involuntarily, your gaze moves from him to Frankie on the couch, both of them rumpled from sleep and sex. Santi sees it, and you know that he immediately knows. Throat snared up and aching almost as much as your head, you open the front door and slink out, misery in your heart, shame suffocating your body.

Epilogue

Marcus is kind, just like Frankie, but seems to possess a greater sense of self-reflection. He tunes into your needs in a completely different way than Frankie: less “I want you” and more “I want you to feel good about yourself”.

You were in a bad shape when you met Marcus Pike. What happened that night with Frankie left you completely broken. The shame turned into self-loathing that swallowed you whole. You even had to take a week off work, but it didn’t do you any good: you sunk even deeper into despair. Your nights were sleepless and when you did sleep, you had wet, scary dreams where you were roughly fucked by Frankie and Santi at the same time. They filled up your holes, used you, and you exploded in one painful orgasm after the other, but whenever you looked at them, tried to kiss them, you discovered that their faces were empty, like those of mannequins. You woke up sweaty and horny but scared shitless. Were you going crazy?

Your shame did not diminish but you learned to live with it.

And then, one day, you ran into Marcus Pike, quite literally. It was a typical romcom meet-cute, the two of you crashing into each other in the door to a coffee shop. You spilled your drink all over his shirt. You were appalled, he was just smiling.

“I didn’t like this shirt anyway, I don’t know why I keep wearing it,” he told you with a smile so warm you had to smile back. You insisted on buying him not only a coffee but also a new shirt, and somehow, he managed to convince you that it was in fact he who should’ve watched out when coming into the coffee shop, so the drink was on him.

You exchanged numbers, one date became several, and you found yourself falling for him. You played it safe, though: you waited with sex, you didn’t touch a drop of alcohol when spending time with him, and as soon as you realized that you had feelings for him you decided to come clean about the Frankie/Santi mess. Marcus deserved to know this about you and after a homecooked dinner at his place, comfortably reclined in his couch corner, you told him.

Marcus was not put off by your past. Neither did he flinch when you told him about your aversion towards kids.

“I always figured I wanted kids,” he told you, “but happiness doesn’t have to include those.”

He waits patiently for you to be ready to have sex, seemingly happy with just cuddling in front of the TV. You appreciated his knowledge of old Hollywood movies and the way he talked about them without lecturing you. He just seemed really excited about finding someone to talk to about the things that interested him, but was equally focused on you when you talked about the books you had read.

When you finally felt ready to go to bed with him, he almost exhausted you with his constant questions. Where Santi would not speak, and Frankie would tell you how good you felt, Marcus was always checking in with you.

“I wouldn’t be moaning like this if I didn’t feel good,” you whimpered, and he scoffed out an embarrassed giggle.

“I’m sorry. I just want to be sure.”

“Don’t stop, you’re doing great.”

Marcus is kind. Marcus helps you heal, provides you with the light you need to find your way back to loving yourself.

Look, all I know is that you're the nicest thing I've ever seen

And I wish that we could see if we could be something