#honestly my current situation is worse than it was before. now I'm running more than before while eating less most days

[no-one-hears-me]

I don't understand how people get excited to start college

[freddie-77-ao3]

Percy Jackson-esque Chapter Titles for a fic i'm writing:

We have friends in holy places (and unholy- Hello Lady Hera!)

What’s Up, Random Person, We’re Kidnapping and Adopting You

Yeah, The Beach Is Nice- Thank You For Not Drowning Us

Hazel Was Dead and Still Knows More Than You

Thank Fuck For The Egyptian- How the Hell Did We End Up In Great Britain

Annabeth Is Obsessed and Bianca Is Possessed- There Goes Christmas

Question Of Our Lives and Today Especially: What The Hell Is Going On?!

Now Would Be A Good Time To Be Anyone Else

Call The Police Because We May Have Just Murdered A Mortal

Ask And You Shall Receive… Sometime In The Next Twenty Years Probably

A Guinea Pig, A Dandelion, A Pine Tree, An Olive Tree and Two Embarrassed Girls Walk Into A Bar  

Satan Or Santa? Neither Should Exist And Yet Somehow They’re Both Knocking On Our Tent Door

A Slight Reprieve From The Last Chapter: Connor Comes For You With The Question ‘Do Tents Have Doors?’

And We’re Back, Why Did You Guys Think Our R&R Would Last Long?

Sugar, Spice, Almost Dying Twice (Today)

Would You Put ‘Cheating Death Almost Daily’ Under Experience Or Special Skills?

An Inspirational Trip Through Hell- Persephone Makes Good Brownies

Those Commercials Where People Screw Up The Most Basic Of Tasks In The Most Idiotic Fashion Ever Describes The Current Situation

As The Prophecy Foretold (We Made It Up, But It Came True)

Living Normally? In This Economy?

And Then The Wolves Came… Sike (Thank Fuck)

The Snails Paced Chocolate Bunny Gives Mixed Messages But Good Cereal

What The Hades Is Going On, Someone Explain

Apparently Exploding A Volcano Makes Us 'Irresponsible’

Why Are Cats So Vengeful 

Oh Look! An Unhelpful Old Person!

The Adults Are More Annoying Than Leo Valdez and Nico Di Angelo Put Together

They Scream For Ice Cream, I Scream For Sanity

McDonald’s And Raising The Dead- Tuesday Never Looked So Good

Unfortunately, I’m Still Not Dead Or A Dolphin (Not For Lack Of Effort)

Eggs Apparently Don’t Like Being Lost At Sea

I’m Packing Up My Crayons And Leaving

Viva La Pluto, Fuck You Guys

A Guide To Giving Up

Hopefully We Can Do This Without Dying This Time

Lady Dirt Face Fucks Us Over- Apparently Today CAN Get Worse

Apparently The Horse Is A God, And Honestly, Fuck The World- But Not You Potty Sludge

If Love Is In The Air Then We’re Wearing Gas Masks- How We Almost Started A War On Accident

If Love Is An Open Door We Should Close It- Aphrodite And Cupid Both Suck

Vegan Ice Cream Sandwiches For One

I Call Shotgun (Said The Invisible Girl  and The Literal Ghost)

I Fucked My Way Into This Mess, I’ll Fuck My Way Out Of It

Things Go Horribly Wrong (Or Horribly Right? It’s Hard To Tell At This Point)

The Fine Art Of Bullshit

We Are Being Hunted And Killed (Why Is This Normal And How Can We Stop It?)

Previously On ‘The Chaos Chronicles”

Cool, Cool, Cool, Cool. Actually It’s Not- Who Lit Katie’s Hair On Fire?!

I’d Like To Say This Is Shocking, But That Would Just Be A Lie

One Hundred And One Monsters, And Twenty Times A Therapist Was Needed

I Am Honestly Surprised That We Are Still Alive, And Apparently So Are The Gods

You Will Never Be A God

Blackmail Only Works If I Care

An Offer I Can Definitely Refuse

Hush Little Baby, Don’t You Cry, You’ll Give Away Our Location, And Then We’ll Die

Only Come Back With Back Up Or A Burger- Maybe Donuts

Doomsday Or Not, Let Me Go Back To Bed, I Haven’t Slept In A Week And I Don’t Care

Practise Doesn’t Make Perfect, Practise Makes A Forest Fire And A Flood

Sea Foam Speaks and A New Person Shatters My Dreams

The Labyrinth Apparently Doesn’t Murder The Already Dead, So Can We Just Die Already?

For A Moment I Forgot Gravity, And As It Seems So Did The Sky, Which Is Good Because I’d Hate To Die Before Breakfast

And God Told Us To Run A Marathon- What Happened To Normal Executions?

At Some Point The Universe Just Needs To Kill Us

There Is Not Enough Faith For This, 

No Words Can Explain Dan, The God Of Moths and Accidental Demon Summoning 

 The Endless and Mysterious Ocean Becomes A Bit Less So, And I Should Have Paid For Diving Lessons

If Best Plus Bitter Equal Better, Then I Am Way Better Than Everyone

Firecrackers And Actual Crackers- Where Is The Cheese

He Likes Art. Terrible Art, But Still Art So I Suppose I’ll Forgive The Sword Through My Head

Hazel Drives Worse Than Thalia Which Says A Lot Because Thalia Crashed Into A Lake- Oh Wait

What Do You Do When The World Almost Ends- And No Nico, The Answer Isn’t Go To McDonalds

This Wasn’t Supposed To Happen (Just Like Me)

Can I Rewrite My Life Story, Because If So I’m Starting With This

I Wasn’t Prepared For Parenthood When I Stopped A Kidnapping, I’m Seven

Patting My Own Back, No One Appreciates Me, Fuck This And Really The Rest Of My Life

Apparently Dying Is Not An Excuse For Being Late, So Fuck You Too 

Buying Happy Meals For The Dead Isn’t An Excuse For Being Late

Caped God? I Was Hoping You Had Said Cape Cod

Incoherent Screaming Is Our Theme Song, And I Feel A New Episode On

Who Told Apollo He Could Give Us Presents, Because MCR Is Not A Proper Wake Up Call

It’s Jesus Who Ruined Our Lives This Time, Folks

Don’t Awaken The Ancient One, She Has Anxiety

I Did Not Know That Could Kill Someone, But You Learn Something New Every Day

The Gods Themselves Want Me Dead, You’re Not Special, Todd

Doritos And Death, A How To On Properly Waking And Raising The Dead Featuring A Trip To Alaska

What Was I Thinking? I’m Pretty Certain I Wasn’t

News To No One: The Previously Dead Can’t Drive

I Really Hate Saving The World Actually

How Many Times Is That Threat Going To Work Considering It’s Not Serious? A Surprising Number

Everyone Asks Who We Are, Not How We Are, And Honestly I’m Pretty Hungry

The Gods Hate Me And I Don’t Know Why (I Do Know Why, But I Don’t Care, And Honestly They Shouldn’t Either)

 Which Circle Of Hell Are We In Now, Because I Was Not Planning On A Field Trip To Tartarus

We Master The Elements (Some Of Them- We Also Torch And Flood New England)

In Which We Almost Die Again And No One Bats An Eye

 Our Lives Would Be Incredibly Saddening If We Could Sit Down And Look At Them, But Leo Burned Our Chairs 

The Houseplants Try To Eat Us, And Katie Gets Mad

We Babysit For A God, And Then Adopt His Kids- Surprisingly He’s Fine With This

Dreams Do Come True And That Is Absolutely Not A Good Thing

There Goes My Best Bargaining Chip (Oh And Also His Head)

A Series Of Horrible Decisions- Who Decided I Was The Leader

Hylla, Please Don’t Leave Us- Oh, You Can Give Us A Box Of Cereal? Nevermind 

Sunshine And Rainbows Are Meant To Mean Happiness Not War- Iris and Apollo Destroy Things

Please Don’t Hit Me With Another Brick

We Were Happy And Then There Was A Giant Pigeon

Oh My Holy Fucking Shit That Was Not The Right Lever

In Which Swimming With Sharks Almost Leads To Death And Yet Saves Our Lives

There Is No Highway To Hell As It Turns Out, Only Backroads, And Now Nico And Thalia Are Disappointed

And Then The Sky Almost Crushed Us Because It Fell And Honestly I’m Never Trusting You Again

There Goes Normal Society, Say Bye-Bye, Miranda 

Are We Supposed To Live Through This?

The Dick Who Hands Out Toothbrushes Also Assigns Us A Death Quest And This Is Why We Don’t Celebrate Holidays

Sorry For Cursing You Out, Please Fix My Life

The Plan Checks Out- We Can Do This! (Spoiler Alert- We Can’t)

Three Hundred And Sixty Five Times We Can Say Fuck In A Hour

Please Let Me Pass Out On Your Lawn

Apparently Yelling Fuck At The Sky Is Considered ‘Disrespectful’ And I Haven’t A Fucking Clue Why

Yes Sir, That Is A Lot Of Blood, And No Sir, She Doesn’t Need That Leg

That One Time We Accidentally End Up In The Slaughter Sea, And How That Manages To End Up With A New Leader Of The Amazon Empire And Thalia Gets A Girlfriend

Yes, I’m Aware I Look Gay, Thank You Very Much, I’m Here To Be Queer

This Person Is Nico di Angelo With Less Shits To Give, And Honestly That Scares Me

A Good Idea With Bad Results And A Bad Idea With Surprising Results- The Ending Will Astound You

Never Thought I’d Literally Be Shut In The Closet Again, But Life’s Full Of Surprises

One Million Pounds Of Oranges And Sadness, Sixty Thousand Pounds Of Mangos, And A Truck Full Of Happiness- Monsters Not Welcome

Who Packed The Blueberry Muffins?

Nevertheless She Persisted, And Yet Just Like That, She Gave Up

What The Hell Is This, What The Hell Is That, Why The Hell Am I Here, What The Hell, *Moonwalks Into Hell*: A Brief Summary Of Life

All Is Fair In Being The First One In The Shower

We Accidentally Summon An Army Of Lost Souls

All Our Nightmares Come True And We Prove We’re Idiots

Life Gave ‘Lia Lemons. She Squeezed Them In My Eyes. Please No More Lemons.

Trying To Play Nice To The Gods Never Ends Well. In Other Words, Percy Is An Olive Tree

What’s Happening? I’m Digging My Own Grave, That’s What

Finger Guns, Peace Signs, and Middle Fingers To Nowhere- Home At Last

In Jason’s Defense, He Tried, But The Dragon Was More Interesting

Keeping A Family Alive Can Be Difficult, Especially With No Education and More Monsters A Day Than Cash (Twenty Dollars)

Thalia Tries To Sing Over Annabeth And Percy Arguing And All That Happens Is A Noise Complaint

At This Point, Murder Is Less Of A Passing Thought And More Of An ‘It’s Only A Matter Of Time’

Cousin Bonding Time Doesn’t Usually Include The Gods, But There Are Burgers So…

According To The Crazy Titan Lord Kronos, Asking If A Newborn Looks Like A Rock Is A Question That Will Result In The Death Of The Asker

Oh Joy, I’m Facing Scrutiny Over My Love Life From Immortal Preteens

Oh Things Couldn’t Be Worse When Your Parents Run The Universe Oh Things Couldn’t Be Worse When There’s A Vote To Kill Us (Leo stop using Jazz hands!)

We Have The Worst Family Reunion Ever 3.0

Barbed Wire Instead Of String, The Fates Hate Me More Than You Might Think

Zombies, Zombies Everywhere, Wave Your Hands Up In The Air

The World Is A Different Place When You Know What The World Is (Spoiler Alert: It’s Your Murderous Great Grandma)

The Refrigerator Seems Empty, Much Like My Soul

Ah, The Smell Of Success, It Smells Like Bullshit

My Heart Is Broken (Like Those Crackers That Bianca’s Eating)

Utter Chaos: Now Featuring Camp Half Blood And Literal Blood

Family Drama Destroys My Life

Family Drama 2.0: Family Drama Destroys California

So Then A God Says We ‘Will Save Humanity’, And Thalia Says ‘What The Fuck’

Two Middle Aged Women Start Screaming In Walmart

The Main Braincell Holder Is Asleep, God Doesn’t Exist, And Starting Forest Fires Is A Normal Way To Deal With Stress

Hell Is Just Life On Steroids

Queerly Beloved, We Are Gathered Here Togay… A.K.A. A Bet Ruins Rachel Elizabeth Dare’s Life

Normal People Would Avoid This, But The Two Most Normal People Here Used To Be Dead Or Will Die When A Stick Lights On Fire, So We Can’t Have High Hopes

We Try (And Fail, But Hey, It’s The Thought That Counts, Right?)

So THAT’S Where The Greek Fire Went. Sorry, Bus Driver.

Percy Has His Gay Awakening In The Form Of His Grandfather (Technically. He’s Also Technically His First Cousin Once Removed Or Something- Annabeth’s cousin maybe?)

You're Annoying Me To Death With Your Monologue So I Have To Kill You Now

What Can Go Wrong Will Go Wrong Doesn’t Mean You Should Set My Bed On Fire

Thalia Does Shock Therapy Meaning She Electrocutes People When They Say Things 

We Should Know By Now That Yelling Doesn't Solve Things But We Don’t, And The Gods Don’t Either

Most Of My Life Is Incredibly Traumatizing, But This Is New 

Who The Fuck Invited The Norse?!

Okay, I Thought The Norse Were Enough, Why Are The Magicians Here?

Wow. Popcorn. The Roman’s Worst Nightmare. 

So First The World Almost Ends, And Then The World Ends But It Gets Better, And Now It’s Ending Again?

Prophecies Can Fuck Off, And So Can Apollo

“Treacherous Nephew In The Tuxedo” Should Sound Funny, But It Doesn’t, And That Makes Leo Sad

 Why Is A Titan Making Dad Jokes? 

Falling Into A Dumpster Was The Highlight Of My Day, What Is Life

Grieving For The Living Is Just As Hard As Grieving For The Dead

Please Forget That I Tried To Kill You

In My Defence, An Invisible Higher Power Who Has The Ability To Strike Me Down Made Me Do It

Let Out A Boo For The Boom Man

Twenty McDonald’s Happy Meals And A Gun- Godly Gifts Are Awesome

We Enter The Maze Of Doom (This Time With Fabulous Prizes)

Two Brothers Are Not Happy As A Sister Cheers On Two More Brothers As They Duel To The Death- (Triton & Tyson & Kymopoleia & Percy & Anteus Have Sibling Bonding Time) 

The Eight Year Old With A Gun Manages To Save And Then Destroy A Life

Hello, I’m Queer, And Full Of Fear. Please Kill Me Now

Children Try To Make Plans (It Doesn’t Go So Well)

Thalia Grace Once Again Proves That Being A Demigod Really Fucking Sucks

It Don’t “Do Be Like That Sometimes” Leo, We Are In HELL

[traincat]

I haven't read any comics since Dead no More: Clone Conspiracy, mostly because of how Ben Riley (my favorite Marvel character, period) was being written. It's honestly been very depressing hearing about the issues and his scarlet spider series, all of which it was suggested to me to stay away from. Is everything still really bad with him? Is he anything like he was prior to his death? Is there anything with him it it currently you would recommend reading?

If you didn't like Clone Conspiracy, you're almost definitely not going to like anything that happened after. It's really hard to say anything about the current Ben Reilly situation without summing it up just as it's a fucking mess. A Ben fan told me once that they thought the problem with bringing Ben back is that, for Ben specifically, the Clone Saga is a complete character arc, and that a big problem with Ben after that is that you would have to have a really strong idea of where to go and what do with him, and that's not what any Ben story has been. (I'm going to be mildly controversial and say that I didn't hate Jackal!Ben from Clone Conspiracy; it wasn't where I'd want the character to be full time, but I thought there was some interesting character exploration that could be done there. That's not what actually ended up happening, but you know, still.)

I think Ben Reilly: Scarlet Spider MIGHT be worth a read if you haven't already read it, but I would not, like, call it good. The first few issues Ben is written like a knockoff Deadpool, and then it kind of evens out a little, but Peter David tries to do some in depth exploration about what it means to have a soul that never quite sticks the landing. But the Ben and Kaine interaction is potentially interesting. There are some good scenes, although the Ben characterization is not where it was pre-death.

I thought the start of Spider-Man Beyond was actually strong, and that both Ben and Peter sounded like themselves, but it went downhill very, very quickly. I initially blamed that on the writer's round table they had going on, where they were handing the book off to someone else every two issues, but considering that Wells' Amazing Spider-Man run is suffering from the exact same problem (strong start that quickly dissolves into absolutely nothing) I'm going to go ahead and say maybe this one is his fault actually. I think the highlight of it for me was that there were some cute Ben and Janine scenes, and I was really happy to see Janine again! And now I'm super worried about what Dark Web is going to do with her. (I haven't been loving the odd mix of sensationalizing Janine's backstory and completely avoiding actually addressing for unfamiliar readers what that backstory is, because I think for readers to be sympathetic to Janine you have to understand her trauma, and Marvel keeps sidestepping stating that she's a CSA survivor and that's why she killed her father.)

I'm not loving Ben's Supervillain Take Two But With A Worse Costume phase in Dark Web for sure, although I'm like, vaguely trying to keep an open mind and give it more than one issue. (It's so hard.) I know I keep saying this but I think there's potentially some interesting territory to tread here, but Marvel is just committed to not doing that, and their reluctance to bring Kaine into anything is not helping, because to tell a villain Ben story you do kind of have to play with a Ben and Kaine role reversal. It's just all very disappointing in how its been executed. If you're not going to do anything interesting or fresh or at least well written with a hero-turned-villain story, just don't do it.

The only Ben comic I'd recommend, and you've probably already read it, is DeMatteis' recent Ben Reilly: Spider-Man, which takes place during the Clone Saga (after Redemption but before Peter comes back from Portland). Really strong writing and an interesting plot, and DeMatteis' has lost none of his touch for introspective, psychological drama. I really enjoyed it!

[aspd-culture]

do you have any suggestions or advice for people with ASPD who experience strong homicidal thoughts (or thoughts about acts of strong violence in general)? I feel like this topic is already so rarely talked about, and even when it is most resources focus on people struggling with intrusive thoughts, not genuine fantasies. (just to clarify: not in crisis or actually planning to do anything, just annoyed of constantly thinking about this). People usually just say to “get help”, but I’ve been getting help for years now and nothing has changed.

To be honest, most of my current coping mechanisms for violent thoughts are unhealthy but not destructive (most often w**d which is legal where I am and/alcohol), so I don't recommend them. I agree that getting help for these types of thoughts is extremely difficult, especially while balancing the dreaded "danger to yourself or others" mandated reporter line. I do have some ideas, though.

Check google to see if there is a "wreck room" of some kind around you. These are safe places with safety practices and PPE that exist to allow people to take out aggressive anger on items (aka smash things) in ways that are not destructive to your or other's property or person. These are showing up more and more nowadays as we realize that this outlet can be done healthily if people are given the access and tools to do it in a healthy way. While it isn't the same as hurting someone, it stimulates many of the same parts of the brain. Also, doing it in a wreck room means you don't have to do the cleanup. Major bonus there.

If you can't afford that but have things you can break and a safe area you're willing to fully clean later, you can do the same type of thing at home. Make sure you always wear PPE like goggles and gloves, and if you are doing it outside make sure anything a child or animal running through your yard (even if you don't have kids or animals, kids wander and strays exist) is fully cleaned up. Please inform the people you live with if you take this method, as it can be scary to walk in on this type of thing and you could get the cops called on you if you don't inform them. Lie if you have to: "my friend needs broken pieces of XYZ for an art project", "this is really bulky and took up too much space in the garbage can so I'm breaking it down", or the ever iconic "my ex gave it to me", for example.

I sometimes find other replacement behaviors via video games like COD and Apex Legends helpful, but they don't always help everyone.

Punching bags are one of my preferred replacement behaviors, but they are often expensive and difficult to set up, making them inaccessible.

Watching violent movies or documentaries or true crime podcasts on real violent crimes often helps me, but that kind of thing makes things worse for some people.

Gross motor activities like walking, running, swimming, etc can be helpful as they stimulate similar parts of the brain to the ones violent actions do.

I know you mentioned you are not in crisis or active planning, but for anyone who may be, a disclaimer: If you or anyone reading this honestly feels they may be a threat to themselves or others, I can only advise getting help and speaking to a professional about this. Top priority should always be safety above all else, and checking yourself in to get help before you do something drastic is always going to be easier and better for everyone than trying to hide from or handle the repercussions of that event later. There are emergency systems and programs in place to help you learn to cope or find medications that can help you if you are in an urgent situation, before something bad happens, but tumblr is not one of them; I am not one of them.

Whatever you do, please keep yourself and others safe. I hope this helps.

[furshrimps]

I'm actually thinking often about where the point would be when I should seriously think about rehoming my dogs. Currently I can still mostly care for them, albeit going for regular walks isn't quite possible. I'm still hoping my condition will get better again so I'll be able to do that again. So far we either have to make use of the property or my sister will help with that, since walks with me have to be few and far between and pretty short. Sister also helps with enrichment. That situation isn't ideal, though, all in all they get much less time outside the property than before, and I do feel bad about that. I also spend less overall time with grooming, but so far I can do at least the minimum amount of grooming.

I think it's a balance, especially considering the history of both of them, as well as their age (10 and 12 now). They've both went through things that left them with serious trauma of humans, and both have done a lot of recovering since they've came to me. I know it probably sounds like I'm trying to turn a blind eye on the situation, but I don't think I can be replaced for them that easily. It probably would be a tad bit easier for Sammy, despite him being older and despite him having had the "worse" objective history. But overall I think he's more stable and adaptable. I'm not sure how Bats would be able to cope, though. Finding good homes for them would be a nightmare, though. Even just finding someone to help with walks feels like a too-big task, at least I still can't think of a good way to find someone who is trustworthy and knowledgeable enough. I do admit I'm probably way too overprotective about the dogs and way too distrustful of human beings in general here, but there are so many idiots out there who intentionally or unintentionally could cause so much serious harm especially to such small dogs that I don't know how to even start on that. And thinking how Bats practically has to be forced to leave the apartment without me even just to go with my sister, whom he knows very well... idk. Sammy is kind of hesitant, too, but not quite to that extent. Once outside they do enjoy their walks just fine from what sis tells me. But with a complete stranger? Idk.

Currently, I think the point to think about rehoming for me would be when I either can't even take care of the rest of the basic day-to-day care anymore, or when they'd start getting unhappy. So far neither of these things seem to happen, at least Sammy seems to be just fine with whatever as long as he gets some play, some running around, food, affection and a generally safe place. Bats is more easily bored, because he needs a lot of encouragement for things outside of activities that don't include treats, and he rarely offers social play on his own. And because he'll just wait it out until someone notices it's easier to dismiss or not notice. But just asking him to do a few tricks here and there so he can earn some treats, and likewise a quiet/ safe/ harmonious environment with lots of affection seems to be enough for him overall. I have a feeling all that could be very different if they had been raised and lived their life in a "good" environment all of the time. With a dog without all the traumas I probably would already be thinking about rehoming, or starting to think about it soon. I mean, I AM considering and weighing it constantly just the same, but so far it appears to be not the right thing to do, despite the downsides for them. But from what they show the upsides seem to outweigh the downsides still. I do try very hard to keep my assessment objective, even though I can barely think about that without breaking my heart. But ultimately, I knew I would and could make the decision in their favor. I'm just lucky they appear to be fine with it so far, and I can't begin to describe how thankful I am for that.

Maybe other people have a different view on all that, and maybe I'm wrong. But I honestly do try my best to do the right thing, and to do right by them. And I also try to do what I can to get better, because I'm sure that is what we all want the most in the first place.

[kass-storycorner]

Hello!! i stumbled across your works and i absolutely fell inlove with your writing (especially the angsty ones)

Can i jump on the angst train and request a fic with a line that goes "I'm here, you dont have to wait anymore," with childe? Like maybe the reader told childe that theyll wait for him no matter how long it takes (and maybe a sprinkle of argument) but something happened that made the reader be on the brink of death. With or without comfort/happy ending is up to u!!

first of all thank you so much for the request! and it really makes me so happy to hear that you like my writing, especially my angst haha secondly I am so sorry that this took so long, since I saw this ask in my inbox I couldn't stop thinking about it and finished the first part of this pretty quickly - only to be stuck at how to end it (and actually fulfill the request haha). right now i am not really happy with the ending, though I feel like this is the best I can currently do! I really hope you enjoy, please let me know if it was alright haha (also I fear that I didn't really...wrote Childe in-character, I don't know)

Waiting for you

Genre: Angst, Hurt, comfort at the end

Characters: Childe x gn!reader (Childe is referred by is actual name by the reader, but outside of dialog he's called Childe)

Format: bullet points (backstory) + Text (actual fic, answer to the prompt)

Word count: 4324

Content warning: veeeery slight spoiler warning for the Liyue quests, its literally just one sentence and I tried to keep it as ambigious as possible, slight cursing (using the word bitch too, though thats the only instance of using gendered-vocab for the reader, i still wrote them gn!), mention of blood, mild violence, not proof-read ahah when will i ever do that

you can find the fic under the cut, have fun reading!

You and Childe knew each other since you were just little kids – him and his family being neighbours had meant you always ended up playing with him and his siblings, though you both got along the best.

On more than one occasion you both just ran off to somewhere no one could disturb you, your secret hideout, trading stories of great warriors from outside of Snezhnaya you heard the fishermen at the docks talk about.

Most people and children were wary of Childe, he was always the one who wanted to ‘play-fight’, which ended most of the time with the other kid running home, crying. However, you were the exception, always able to beat him or at least have a tie. Your parents, especially your father, hated it when you came back home with bruises on your arm, a bright smile and telling how you beat Childe up that day. He never felt like Childe was someone you should surround yourself with, but he kept quite for your younger years, also thanks to your mother who wasn’t fond of the fighting either but saw how much time with Childe meant to you.

Things however changed after Childe fell into the Abyss.

It was apparent how violent he got after it, even his own family was completely helpless when it came to him. So his father send him off to join the Fatui, which was a very controversial decision in the small town you both called home – most were happy to not have Childe be around anymore, for he picked up more and more fights and became more violent, but even within Snezhnaya the Fatui have a bad reputation, so most people were convinced that he would only become even worse.

Your father was one of those who was happy, but also concerned. Your mother died shortly after Childe fell into the Abyss, so your father forbade you any contact with Childe.

This, however, did not work. After Childe had to leave Morespesok you kept in touch through letters and whenever he was in town you always met up in secret.

The letters you send each other turned sweeter the older you got, changing the feelings for friendship you both felt for each other slowly into a romantic love. Childe always ended his letter with saying that he would return soon and you always with “I’ll be waiting for you Ajax”.

You always looked forward to his letters and so did he for yours. When he came back to Morespesok after every mission he had to do for the Fatui you both would meet up in your secret hideout. This place became your save haven. Conversations, hugs, kisses and even more – everything that wasn’t written in a letter between you two happened there.

Childe was fine with this and so were you. He didn’t want people to know there was someone he loved as much as he loved you, as one of the Harbringers of the Fatui it could endanger you. You on the other hand were fine with it because, even though you had no understanding for why your father forbad you the relationship with Childe, you couldn’t stomach to disappoint him. After all he was your father and you loved him dearly, no matter how much you both might disagree on things.

Still, you longed for something more – with Childe and for your own life. You wanted to travel too; you haven’t had the chance to leave Morespesok past the few neighbouring villages. So, when Childe wrote to you that after his next visit, which would only be a few days long, he was going to Liyue and didn’t knew for how long he had to stay there – you asked him in your reply if you could join him. Him writing that it wasn’t possible and better for you to stay in Morespesok and just wait for him hurt, but you understood. You are fine with waiting for him, you always were.

You were expecting a sad but loving last night with Childe before he had to leave, ending with a bittersweet goodbye. You weren’t expecting what happened instead.

Childe was angry, it was clear to see. The moment he stepped into your secret hideout you knew something was off – how he averted your eyes, how he didn’t return your kiss with a passionate one, like usual. “Ajax”, you purred in a sweet voice, “what’s wrong?”. You tried to take his hand, but he only pulled it away. Ah, that was unusual. He never refused your touch, no matter how angry he was before. “There is nothing wrong, I just was curious if there is something you want to tell me?”, he replied in a bitter tone, not even looking at you. It took you completely off guard; you saw him be angry or sulky before, you two had your fair share of arguments in the past, but somehow this was different. “No, there is nothing except for the fact that I missed you very much,” you told him, but you could feel how you started to become irritated. When you saw him two days ago visiting your family’s shop with Teucer he gave you a warm and loving smile, winking at you when he handed you that piece of paper asking to meet up tonight. What had happened in between that made him act like this? “Tsk, fine,” and with that he was on his way out. You moved quickly in front of him, blocking the way out. “Now wait a moment, would you kindly tell me what is going on here?”. He just quietly looked at you for a few seconds before he shoved you aside. “AJAX!”, you couldn’t hide your irritation and growing anger anymore, burying your fingers in his arm in order to stop him from leaving. “What did I do to make you be angry at me?”. “It doesn’t matter”, Childe replied coldly, while trying to get you to loosen your grip on his arm. “Now let me go and run home to your father and your fiancé, I bet they are already asking where you are right now.” “My what?” you replied with bewilderment. “Childe, is that why you are angry with me? Because you think I am engaged to someone else?”. Honestly, you would find this situation hilarious if it weren’t for the fact that Childe still looked at you with a sour face. “Well, I don’t think you are engaged to someone else; I know you are. Your father was really excited about the whole thing when he told me, he even invited me to your wedding, granted if I could find the time.” As he said this, he noticed how your face was a combination of confusion and anger. And oh yes, were you angry. Angry at your father for telling such blatant lies and at Childe for believing them, confused as to why he would even believe your father in the first place. “Ajax, I-“you let go of his arm, pinching the bridge of your nose and letting out a deep sigh. “I am engaged to no one, never was. I didn’t tell you this, because I didn’t want to upset you or worry you needlessly, but maybe I should’ve done it. My father continuously tries to marry me off whenever he finds anyone, he deems a worthy suitor. I guess he might have found one of your letters, though he never said anything about it, but I can’t explain why he suddenly started to become so interested in my marital status. Every few weeks he brings another person home, tells me I should marry them, for me to turn those poor fools down and tell my father he should stop. Most accept it that I have no interest in them, some stick around for a few weeks until the realise that nothing will come of it, but yeah. Ask anyone, Archons ask your family, it’s already a running joke here.” You expected the atmosphere to become less tense after you explained the whole situation to him, for him to even turn it into a joke and to apologise for his behaviour. Instead, it just grew more tense. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”, his voice still being cold, underneath it you could hear how angry he still was. “Because it wasn’t important, at least not to me. Honestly Ajax, I don’t see what the issue is here. I am not engaged and I do not plan to agree to one unless-“, you stopped yourself right there. ‘Unless it’s you who’s asking’, is what you wanted to say. You could feel how your heart fluttered even just at the thought. Childe, however, did not notice where you were going with your last sentence, too

occupied with his own anger. “Unless what?”. “It doesn’t matter, can’t we just drop the topic and enjoy our first and last night in months with each other without fighting?”, this was your last offer of peace, hoping he would finally calm down. But you knew deep down – Childe never was one to back out of a fight. “No no no, continue, tell me what you wanted to say!”, his voice growing louder and louder with every word. “Ajax, let it be,” you really weren’t in the mood for anything tonight anymore and the least you wanted to do was discuss your wish of a future with him. “No, I won’t. Tell me, because I would love to know. Or don’t, you can also just go and choose one of the various suitors your father picked out for you to fuck, I bet you really enjoy it how they are all standing in line for you,” he spit his words out, full of anger and disgust. This was the final straw for you, it was apparent that Childe choose words that he knew would hurt you with intent and it made you explode. “You know what? I’ve had enough!”, you screamed at him, feeling how tears were pooling in the corner of your eyes. Not out of sadness or because his words hurt, those were tears of pure rage. “You come in here, after I haven’t seen you in weeks, before you leave for an unspecified amount of time and all you have to do is pick a fight? Fine, here have a fight! You are unhappy that I didn’t tell you how my father wants to force me in a marriage I don’t want to be in? Boho, I am so so sorry for you Ajax. Really, I can’t fathom to imagine how much you must struggle with this, but oh well, life must be so hard when you keep travelling around Teyvat. Because I really can’t imagine how life would be outside this place, what it’s like to have anything to do. Have you ever noticed, ever realised how much I hate it? Hate the wating? Because that’s all I do! I wait for your letters, and I wait for you to return. All I ever do I wait, wait, wait. Wait for you to come home yes and wait for you to finally be ready for something, anything more!”, the tears were now streaming down your hot, angry face. Childe just looked at you, waiting for you to end what you had to say. “I am tired of waiting! I am tired of keeping us hidden, yes, I agreed to it too in the beginning, but now? Dammit, Ajax. I don’t want to be left alone here when you go to Liyue, I don’t want to wait if I don’t know for how long I should wait. I just- “it became harder for you to speak, sobs interrupting you every few seconds. “I wish you would let me join you.” Except for your sobs, which you tried to supress, silence fell over the two of you. Childe just stood there in front of you, watching how you tried to stop the tears. “You know I can’t take you with me. It’s… it’s not safe,” he said after a while. You didn’t expect for him to change his mind, however his words didn’t make you feel any better… on the contrary they made you feel even feel worse. “Leave me alone,” was all you could tell him in that moment. You didn’t want to have him near you, you didn’t want to see his stupid face or look at his sad, blue eyes. Right now, you only wanted to be alone. “(Y/N)”, Childe began softly, wanting to take you in his arms but the look you gave him made him stop dead in his tracks. “Please, I need to be alone now”. The atmosphere was heavy, both of you didn’t want to part on bad terms but – right now wasn’t the right moment to make up. “I will leave you alone, but (Y/N)”, he said, looking at you with regret about how he acted just earlier, “please wait for me.” You scoffed at his words. Wait for him, again. “(Y/N)”, you turned away, so you didn’t have to see his face when he spoke your name again. “(Y/N), please. Please promise me that you will wait for me, I’ll come back, I promise you and I will make up for this… and for making you always wait for me. I promise. You make a pinkie promise, you keep it all your life. You break a pinkie promise, I throw you on the ice.” At the mention of the nursery rhyme you had to chuckle a bit. “The cold will kill the pinkie that once betrayed your friend,

the frost will freeze your tongue off, so you never lie again,” you finished it, looking back at him. “Fine, I’ll wait. But leave now.” And with that Childe left you alone, leaving Morespesok for Liyue the next day.

It has been a few months now since Childe came to Liyue and while his endeavours here were more or less successful, what was on his mind most of the days was you and how you both parted. He wanted to kick himself in the arse for how he acted that day, for making you so angry and for making you cry. The worst however is how you haven’t written him a single letter yet and Childe, though he would never admit it because of his pride, was too scared to send you one first. That he should be the first one to send you a letter was something he was aware of but still – he couldn’t find the right words. What should he write? Every time he sat down at his desk, looking at the piece of paper in front of him… he was never able to make it past “Dear (Y/N)”, and even with this he wasn’t sure, maybe “Beloved” would sound better? Childe would’ve even considered asking Zhongli for advice, however after finding out that Childe was just a pawn in his plans – he still considers Zhongli a friend, but before he could ask for advice the feeling of betrayal needs to fade out. And now he got the order to return to Snezhnaya by the end of the next month… he felt so anxious at the thought of seeing you again, not even knowing what happened with you the past months. So in the letter to his family in which he announced is return, Childe asked them, after months of not hearing anything from or about you, how you were. When he held the letter of his family in his hands, he started to feel nervous, it included the answer of your wellbeing. He knew you would keep your promise, but still. What if when not? Reading the contents of the letter, however, made him wish that he had asked sooner. Childe couldn’t stop reading the few lines his family wrote about you over and over again.

You asked about (Y/N) wellbeing in your last letter. Ajax, we wish we could tell you some more pleasant news than this, but we haven't seen or heard anything of (Y/N) for a week now. No one really knows where they might be, the last we know is that they left their home after a fight with their father, but there is nothing more we can tell you.

After reading those few lines, the letter already crumply at the edges from the way he held onto it, Childe decided to immediately make his way back home. In his opinion it didn't matter if he returned sooner than ordered and that was a problem he will face later. For now, he wanted to know what had happened to you, because he couldn't, didn’t want to, believe that you left Morepesok... you promised that you would wait for him. But doubt crept into his heart and his mind - you were so frustrated with waiting, he noticed it before you even said anything that night. However, he kept ignoring it. It wasn't like that Childe didn't also wish for more, to build a home with you, to spend more time with you. The feeling of not being good enough for you, something your father and others in Morepesok made clear to him since your childhood together, and the fear of putting a visible target on your back by being by your side... all of it held him back.

The way back home only took him a few days and when he came close to his village, seeing the once so well-known roofs and chimney of the houses, he took a junction into the woods, making his way to the secret hideout of you two. When he arrived, he noticed how it looked lived in, at first a relive for Childe, until he saw the traces of a fight - and blood on the floor. He was quick to follow the trail of blood, the father he went away from the hideout the more blood was on the ground. Suddenly he could hear a strangers voice in the distance.

"Answer me you stupid bitch!", you felt a hand pulling you up by your hair, but you were already too tired, too beaten up and injured to even respond to that violent pull. All you tried to do was to keep your hands on your stomach, trying to stop the blood from gushing out. You could barely remember what had happened, how you got there. It all started over a week ago, when you father came with another suitor wanting to marry you. Like always you turned him down, saying you had no interest in marriage, this time however he wasn't as understand as the others were. The whole thing ended in you having a huge fight with your father about it, he tried to pressure you even more than usual to take that fella as your husband. It made you sick, you just couldn't stomach being around him anymore. You always wanted to make him happy, always feared of disappointing him. But this? Him asking you to marry a random person? It was something you just couldn't do. So you went away, ran out to the little hideout planning to stay there until Childe came back. You wanted to wait for him - you even got over your stupid pride and sent away a letter for him earlier this morning... and maybe this was your mistake. Carefully you tried not to be noticed by the people in your village, you didn’t want anyone to worry about you, however you also didn’t want to explain your disappearance for the last few days. The man who your father tried you to accept as a fiancé however seemed to have spotted you when you left the post-office. It was already too late when you realised that you were followed - the man made his way into the place that was only meant for you and Childe. After that your memory started to get blurry, how was that even possible it just had happened. He attacked you, you fought back, though the man was just stronger... you ran away, feeling the blood already coming from your stomach. Your body started to become weaker, your legs grew heavier and slower until you fell. Now he was above you, grabbing your hair and screaming. It was hard to even focus on what that man said to you, too tired grew your body and mind. 'I have to stay awake', you thought. It was clear that if you lost consciousness now... well, who knows what would happen then, you only knew it wouldn't be good. You had to wait for Childe, you had to be there when he got home.

There were more than a few things in Childes live he wished he never had to see. Seeing your limp body, blood streaming out of your stomach which you could barley cover with your hand, your hair in the hands of some stranger and your eyes struggling to stay open – yes, Childe wished this was something reserved for his nightmares, not for the reality he had to face now. It didn’t even take second for him to react at that sight, swiftly being next to that man and cutting his hand off with one of his blades, kicking the rest of him away. Childe would have loved to take his time with that man, torture him, make him regret that he was born, but what was more important was to stop your bleeding. Quickly Childe sat down next to you on the ground, using his scarf to stop the bleeding. “Ajax,” he could hear you whisper quietly. “Hey, I’m here, everything is fine, everything is going to be okay.” You desperately tried to keep your eyes open, to look at him. He was a mess, his eyes filled with fear and panic spread across his face. Never had you seen him with such an expression. For only what felt a few seconds you closed your eyes and then – “Hey, (Y/N) hey, open your eyes, talk to me”, you opened them and realised that you were in Childes arms now, his eyes switching from you to what was apparently the way to Morepesok. “Ajax…”, it was so cold. When did it became so cold again? “I waited for you and now you’re here… I waited. Kept my promise.” The last few words came out slurred. “Yes, I'm here, you don’t have to wait anymore. I promise you don’t have to wait for me ever again, just please-“ his breathing was heavy, he ran as fast as he could to the village in the hopes that the healers there could help you, that there was anyone who was able to help you now. “Please, don’t close your eyes, okay?” Before you could even answer him that you will try to keep them open you could already feel yourself slip out of conscious again. All you could say before everything went dark was his name again. “Ajax…”

The first thing you noticed was a warm hand on yours. Even before you opened your eyes you knew which hand it was. “Ajax,” you were a bit shocked at the sound of your own voice. It sounded so weak. You opened your eyes, seeing into those deep blue eyes looking at you. “(Y/N)”, he didn’t sound any better. Only now you started to notice the dark circles under his eyes and how his hair looked even messier than usual. Was he by your side the whole time? “How are you feeling?”. “Better than you apparently”, you joked, weakly grinning at him. He smiled back, rubbing the backside of your hand with his thumb. “I’m glad you’re better,” he replied quietly, looking down at the hand he was holding. “I’m glad you’re here.” At that his smile faded, turning into a sad expression and you already knew what this meant. “Don’t tell me…” “I’m sorry, I wasn’t even supposed to be here just yet and my early departure from Liyue apparently has caused some issues and… well, I was able to stay here until you woke up. The deal was when you wake up or-, well that doesn’t matter now. The deal was that I had to go back and fix the damage I caused once you wake up, which is honestly way more generous than I had anticipated.” You didn’t really understand what he was exactly talking about, you were still tired, but all you knew was that he had to go again. There wasn’t any energy left in your body to hold back the tears that were now falling down your face. Childe cupped your face in his hands, wiping away your tears with his thumb. “Hey, listen,” he said softly. “I promise you won’t have to wait for too long, when you recovered, I will send for you.” At this your ears peaked, looking at Childe with hopeful eyes. “Send for me, you mean-?”. “Yes, this time around I’ll be the one waiting for you to arrive in Liyue and not you’re waiting for me to come home.” At that you threw your arms around his neck wanting to hug him, causing you to hiss in pain. You forgot that you still had a stomach wound. “Careful now”, he laughed a bit at how enthusiastic you were about the news that you forgot your injury. “You promise that I will really join you in Liyue?”, you still couldn’t fully believe that he really was fine with it. “You make a pinkie promise, you keep it all your life. You break a pinkie promise, I throw you on the ice,” you leaned back and held your pinkie up in the air. Childe smiled at you softly, interlocking his pinkie with yours. “The cold will kill the pinkie that once betrayed your friend, the frost will freeze your tongue off, so you never lie again.”

[mossybank]

Forbidden Fruit — K. W.

Based on this post — @kitwalker02 @undeadcortez

Fem!Reader

Warnings: smut with like zero plot, office sex, spanking, nun reader, ooc kit?, fingering, unprotected sex, getting caught

A/N: this is my first smut one shot! Of course it had to be for my beloved Kit! I hope you guys like, I had fun writing it 💕

Y/N honestly couldn't explain the string of events that lead her to her current position, one of Sister Judes most favoured workers—rivaling the lovely Sister Mary Eunice— she had been entrusted to administer a punishment to Kit whilst Jude dealt with another problem in the asylum, something to do with the bakery, but that decision was poorly made.

It was no secret that Y/N spent a lot of time with Kit, many chalked it up to her just being the only employee in this place he'd listen to, but it ran much deeper than that. The two conversed in detail, growing close, and a thick tension always surrounded them; fleeting touches lasting longer than they should and words a little too intimate at times.

And so Y/N though about her current predicament, habit of veil and coif thrown across the room into some dark corner and skirt lifted to reveal her legs, hair messed up from a make out session. Truthfully, Y/N had never been devout, only really becoming a nun for the free housing when she fell on tough times, but that didn't stop a slight guilt from over taking her as she became more aware of her position and location.

"Have you ever..." Kit paused for a second, stood between Y/N's legs, which she had wrapped around his waist, holding a cane, "Had this used on you?" He wouldn't be suprised if Jude punished her own staff alongside the patients.

"Me? Never, but I've seen a few newbies at the receiving end of Jude's wrath."

The girl moved her hands from her sides and placed them upon Kit's, "But.. I've always wondered what it felt like." She said, a sly smile as she looked up at the suspected murderer, something she often forgot he was and quite frankly refused to believe was true, through her lashes.

Kit chuckled, raising a brow at Y/N, "You're a bad girl, sista'." He comments, giving her a peck on the lips, but of course she already knew that.

Y/N bit her lip and leant back, "Well, what are you going to do about that, Mr Walker?" She turned around, elbows leaning on the desk, and shook her hips teasingly, "Spank me?" She winked.

For second, Kit faltered, he was out of practise, but he quickly picked himself back up, playing along with Y/N's game. He placed a hand on her shoulder blades, pushing her down onto the table, leaning some of his weight against her, crotch rubbing against her ass. He leant down, hot breath fanning on Y/N's ear,

"You'd like that, huh, Suga'?" He says lowly, almost a growl, before straightening back up.

The rooms stills for a second, Y/N waiting in anticipation. There's a split second where she doubts that Kit is actually going to do anything, thinking that she'd perhaps gone too far and made the man uncomfortable. Then, it happened—

smack.

It echoed slightly in the room, and Y/N flinched with a gasp, there was a hesitance behind the whip, a feeling of unsurity, but that was to be expected when thrashing someone for the first time.

Kit placed a hand over where he'd spanked Y/N with the cane, cool hands making her squirm, she still had underwear on so he couldn't be sure if it'd left a mark,

"Can I..?" He trailed off, fingers dipping into the waistline of the underwear before slipping it off at Y/N's enthusiastic nods.

Kit's hand trailed over where the cane had made contact with Y/N's skin, there wasn't really a mark, though compared to the bloodied and bruised lines Jude left people with of course anything would look miniscule in comparison. He expected to feel bad about marking the girls skin, but strangely enough he didn't.. In fact, he liked it.

Y/N looked over her shoulder at Kit and tilted her head, "C'mon, I know you can do better than that." Perhaps it wasn't wise to mock the man with a cane, men were often unpredictable and she didn't actually know Kit as well as this situation would lead someone to think, but maybe that thrill was part of the fun for Y/N. She didn't know how he'd react to her taunts, and that was something she relished in.

Kit's brows raised, a look of amusement washing over his face, "I thought you nuns were meant to abstain?"

"Maybe I'm just not like all those other nuns.."

"And I'm the one who's meant to be punished?" Though given Kit's position, it was clearly decided long before now that he wasn't in trouble, "What's the punishment for a slutty little doll like you?"

"Twenty lashes," Y/N could feel Kit's confidence growing steadily with every word between them and bit her lip, "At least."

If she couldn't sit tomorrow, not that the opportunity to do so presented itself often in this job, Y/N would know she only brought it upon herself and it turned her on. God, she'd been a nun for just over a year at this point and not being able to have sex was absolutely killing her. Of course there was a chance Kit would just spank her, leaving Y/N high and dry on her bosses desk, but seeing how worked up Kit was she could tell he wouldn't be leaving without getting his dick wet.

"Twenty? You keep count for me, alright suga'?" Kit shifted his stance slightly, "and look just straight ahead for me."

Ah, look straight ahead, Y/N liked the sound of that. She complied, suprisingly, not being able to see when Kit was going to touch her added to her excitement.

Kit's next spanks were harder, ego improved from his first hit, and Y/N couldn't be happier. The sultry sting that came from each lash only arousing her further, coupling with Kit's words as he worked like a fine wine and steak. Her arousal must've been visible to the eye by now, Kit stopping and putting the cane down, producing a satisfying clink against the wood of the table.

His hands first went for Y/N's ass, caressing over the marks he'd made and soothing them temporarily, before one made its way towards her pussy.

"All this and I haven't even touched you properly." He comments, fingers running across her lips and coating them with her slick.

They were only at thirteen, but that was enough, the two were clearly desperate for more.

Y/N whined at Kit's touch, it wasn't much but it was the most she'd felt in months, and tried to grind against his hand. At this, Kit moved it away, tutting at her.

He mutters out a 'behave' and Y/N hears the metallic jangling of his belt being unbuckled, the sound bringing heat to the tips of her ears and the corners of her lips to twitch upwards.

His hand goes back to her pussy, rubbing it and finding her clit, repeating small circles around it. Y/N moans and bucks her hips, resting her head against the desk she was bent over.

"You're so needy, Doll, all for me." Kit watches her writh on his fingers, one hand working on her clit and the other now going towards her entrance.

The way she pulled him in mesmerised him, her sounds a sweet overture, and he bit his bottom lip in concentration.

"Fuck me," Y/N says airily, letting out a gasp as Kit curled his fingers inside her, "Please, I need it."

Kit was already hard, but if he wasn't Y/N's pleas would have him up in an instant, "I don't have any rubbers, are you sure?" He stops fingering her, Y/N whining at the loss of contact.

Even as far gone as the two were now, Kit wanted to make sure Y/N was comfortable every step of the way.

Nodding, Y/N lifted her head and looked towards Kit, "Just pull out." She says, reassuringly, because everyone knew the pull out method was 100% effective.

That was enough for Kit, he took a deep breath in, "I want to see you," He mutters, pulling Y/N up from her bend over position upon the desk to instead sit on the edge facing him.

Sitting on the hard surface stung but the wood offered a cooling effect alongside it, but eitherway she'd forget the pain soon enough, moulding it to pleasure.

Y/N pulled Kit in for a kiss, hand delving into his hair; it was open mouthed and desperate, teeth clashing a few times without a care from the couple. Glancing at the clock, Y/N knew she should be conscious of time, Sister Jude could return any minute, but she neglected voicing this concern to Kit.

Kit's hand trailed under Y/N's dress, trailing across her stomach before resting on her left boob. In a joint effort, the two managed to get it off, leaving Y/N now in only a bra.

"I'll show you mine if you show me yours." She says jokingly, with a wink, hand going behind her back to unclasp the bra, wanting Kit to take his shirt of.

Maybe being completely naked was unnecessary, scratch that, it absolutely was completely unnecessary, and was bound to make getting caught worse but that thought didn't cross the minds of Kit and Y/N right now. If it had however, it merely would have been more motivation.

Rejoining to kiss, after a second Kit moves from Y/N's lips to her jaw, trailing kisses down her neck.

"I'm going in." He tells her in advance, the head of his cock teasingly stroking her pussy lips before finally he pushes in.

Kit allows Y/N time to adjust, sliding his length in slowly before bottoming out and waiting for her instruction to continue. At her command he moved, setting a steady pace thrusting in and out.

Y/N leant her head against Kit's shoulder, trying to suppress any sounds knowing the walls of the asylum could be awfully thin when you didn't want them to be.

One of Kit's hands snuck from Y/N's waist to her cunt, going back to play with her clit, and the other venturing to her breast to toy with her nipples, resulting in a sharp gasp from the girl.

Digging her nails into Kit's back, his cock hitting just the right spot, Y/N brings herself to say something she's been holding back

"God, Kit, I think Jude's going to come back soon..—" She manages to force out between laboured breaths and whimpered moans.

"Well, we better make this quick then Suga'." Kit sped up his pace, Y/N arching her back.

She bucked her hips to matched his thrusts, throwing her head back.

Within the next few minutes the office was filled with the sound of skin hitting skin, sweat humidifying the air and stifled moans of pleasure.

Kit let out a groan, "Doll, I'm close—" His hips juddered, pace becoming somewhat erratic.

Y/N hummed, going in to kiss Kit, moaning a soft 'me too' into his mouth.

As Kit pulled out to have his own release, his hands never left Y/N, fingers replacing his cock as his cum coated her stomach. Y/N let out a shuddered gasp, letting out one final moan as the coil deep inside her finally snapped, reaching her high. Kit continued to pleasure her through it, only stopping when she fell slack in his arms and tried to steady her breathing.

She clung onto Kit and slowly regained herself, glancing at the clock, "Shit, we need to clean up before—"

Speak of the devil and he should appear, or rather she in this case, Y/N's mother had always said, for once in her life the saying proved true.

The door opening loudly, Y/N and Kit froze, giving eachother a look of worry before slowly turning and meeting eyes with a livid Sister Jude.

Dear God, there was no saving them today.

[thevindicativevordan]

You've talked about what Clark would get from his Kryptonian parents in the previous posts, now I'm kind of curious what you think Kara would he get from her Kryptonian parents, Zor-El and Alura In-Ze? Since, unlike Clark, she was raised by them until she was a pre-teen to early teen rather than a baby when she was sent to Earth, and Zor and Alura held different professions and personalities from Jor and Lara. Could you also loop in her aunt Astra In-Ze just to address all of her immediate fam?

Much harder for me to do. Reason being is that there's a general consensus on the role of what Kal's two sets of parents have in his life. Writers are less sure on what to do with Zor and Alura however.

Chalk that up to Zor typically being just Jor-El Jr. Like his brother he's a scientist, although not as smart or as important, and that's pretty much the extent of what we know about him. Honestly I preferred New Krypton making him an artist, was a good way to differentiate him from Jor, but that was so long ago and he's otherwise been a scientist everywhere else, making it unlikely we'll ever see a return to that idea. Alura actually got more focus than her husband did in my first exposure to her during the New Krypton era, and that had her as the "reasonable if still prejudiced politician" to play off of Zod. After the New 52 erased that story however we're back to not really knowing anything about her.

Going off of the recent Tom King Supergirl: Woman of Tomorrow mini I think I can give a rough answer on what Zor gives Kara. In issue 6 we get to see some Zor and Kara interactions, with Zor being stoic about the sequence of horrors they've endured. Man has seen his homeworld blow up, kryptonite poisoning take his wife and fellow survivors, and by the end he has decided to imitate his brother and send his only child out into the unknown alone. What are his last words to his little girl before she departs and he dies from kryptonite poisoning? "Remember what your mother said. Be good." Clearly this is not a guy who is prone to emotional outpourings even in the most dire circumstances. Kara has frequently been shown as struggling to control her emotions, or rather to repress them. Usually that only makes things worse, and I think you can interpret Kara's emotional turbulence as her failure to imitate her father's ability to never let his emotional state affect him. Yet there's something both Kara and her father share as shown by King: an inability to give up. Zor kept trying to find solutions even when the situation grew worse and worse, ultimately settling for saving his daughter when he couldn't save everyone else. Kara went on hammering lead plates down in a vain attempt to keep everyone from dying due to the radiation, continuing hammering alone even after everyone else quit. That stubborn attitude of refusing to give up, to lie and down die is where Kara and Zor are the same. Alongside the intelligence, Zor's gift to Kara is willpower.

Unfortunately Alura doesn't get the same focus from King, she dies and other than telling Kara to be good, doesn't participate in the plot at all. Only New Krypton's take on Alura really offers much in the way of deeper characterization beyond "she was a good mom who loved Kara". New Krypton had Alura as a leader, and that is what her gift to Kara should be in addition to the physical appearance similarities between the two (much like Kal getting the S-curl from Lara I prefer Kara and Alura being blondes). While I wouldn't bring New Krypton wholly back into canon - the current status quo doesn't allow it and I wasn't happy with how that story ended - I would make Alura's background be in politics in canon. Know I've brought this up repeatedly but I'll say it again: I love the idea of Kara running a lunar colony that Future State came up with. Making that Kara's status quo would make it much easier to draw comparisons between Alura and Kara, because both would be leaders. Alura during New Krypton was attempting to build a new society and Kara would be doing the same. You could say that Kara has inherited her mother's charisma and ability to persuade others to adopt her viewpoint. Much as Lara being a soldier makes for a nice contrast with Jor being a scientist, Alura being a politician makes for a good contrast with Zor. Have it so Alura was involved in the politics of Krypton and that will give her something to do beyond just being Zor's wife and Kara's mom.

Zor and Alura to Kara are what the Kents should be to Clark: parents whose deaths force their child to journey into adulthood alone, with only the memories Kara has and lessons they taught to guide her in life post-Krypton. Above everything else Kara lost when Krypton died, it's the loss of them that affects Kara the most, and the pain of losing them lingers on throughout Kara's life.

[mellometal]

ATTENTION: This is some recent information about the current events with Chris Chan that I've been able to find, plus additional information that I couldn't find anything on that is now public knowledge.

ALL videos about any updates will be linked so you can watch them for yourself, if you wish.

Again, OBLIGATORY trigger warning: This post will be going into very sensitive subject matter, including r@p3, s3xual assault, elder abuse, and inc3st. I will also be mentioning the site Kîwî F@rm$ and the person who runs it (Null). DON'T go onto Kîwî F@rm$. Just stay away from there. It's like 4chan (another site full of REALLY fucked up shit, depending on which forum you go to), but worse.

If anything I mentioned is triggering for you or makes you otherwise uncomfortable in any way, you don't have to read this post. It's not worth putting yourself in a bad state mentally. Take care of yourself, please. Consume media that sparks joy for you.

ALRIGHTY, LET'S GET TO IT. Because there's quite a lot of bullshit that happened since the first post I made about the current events. And some more information that will most likely be the nail in the coffin for Chris. I'm patiently waiting for more updates as they come and I'll share them here as soon as possible.

The person Chris was in a call with was revealed to be a troll under the name "Bella". The screenshots of messages and the audio from the call have all been confirmed to be real.

It's also been revealed that Chris confided in Null about her having a girlfriend, having s3x with her, all that. Here's a list of things to describe this "girlfriend" below, which I will compare to Barbara in bold:

This woman is "in her over fifties". (Barbara is eighty years old. Most people would assume that someone's in their late fifties when this terminology is used. Eighty is well over fifty.)

Her favorite person was the late Adam West in the 60s, as it was "for her son back then". (I don't know if Chris is referring to her half-brother Cole Smithey [he does movie reviews, and he's most famous for being one of the only people to give Toy Story 3 a negative review] here, or if she's referring to herself before she came out as trans. I'm adding this here anyway.)

Chris has known this woman "for a long time", offline and in-person. (OBVIOUSLY she's known Barbara her whole life, since she's, AGAIN, HER MOTHER! DUH.)

They've been having s3x "every three nights". (Like how Chris admitted to doing to her defenseless mother. PRETTY FUCKING FISHY, IF YOU ASK ME.)

They began having s3x on June 27th. (The same day that Chris admitted to doing to Barbara.)

This woman was an accountant when she was younger. (Barbara's job was EXACTLY this.)

Chris said she feels grateful to "enlighten" her girlfriend with s3x play that she (the woman) "missed from even her exes". (I didn't mention this in my initial post, but if you chose to watch the videos that were linked, Chris mentioned that Barbara's boyfriends and ex-husbands "have never been able to make her 0rg@$m" like Chris did. SHE EVEN MENTIONED HER LATE FATHER. THAT'S FUCKING DISGUSTING AND DISRESPECTFUL.)

Chris has been "keeping her girlfriend safe" too. (She had been "taking care of Barbara" since Bob, her late father, passed away. This right here is proof alone that she was talking about HER MOM!)

Her girlfriend "didn't want to do it at first", it was "very painful" for Chris's girlfriend in the beginning, and it took a few tries for them "to get going". This included Chris doing it FOR her because she thought her girlfriend would "feel better" due to her lack of mobility and lucidity. (Chris said all of this exact stuff TO "BELLA" during their call.)

Null initially thought that Chris was lying about sleeping with her mother to cover up the fact that she had a girlfriend and having s3x with her. Why? Because apparently people would believe Chris would have s3x with her mother than some other unknown woman. Chris told Null to keep her girlfriend's identity secret because she was afraid her girlfriend would get trolled and she'd end up losing her.

What Null realized was that what Chris told him completely matched the description of Barbara. Note that before he looked into this, he was unaware of the context Chris was giving him about her "girlfriend".

It's extremely possible now that Chris admitted to s3xually assaulting Barbara to Null and "Bella", but she wanted Null to keep it confidential. Chris wanted NULL to keep the fact that she admitted to committing a VERY serious crime A SECRET.

If Chris WAS actually lying, she'd use a lot more CWCisms (her own phrases) or say that she was "using her psychic powers" to have s3x with Barbara's fictional counterpart in another dimension. But no, Chris was VERY straightforward and talked about it casually like if you were to talk about the weather.

Chris, according to Null, slept in a parking lot in her car the other night. At least for a few hours, though I don't remember where the FUCK else she slept (maybe a hotel room eventually), considering she had -$200 in her bank account. I believe some people who are in contact with Chris sent her some money to get food too.

Null revealed that he set up a GoFundMe previously for Chris to attend a Brony convention, which was a test to see how Chris would be able to handle commissions. The GFM was successful, to say the least. Chris fulfilled commissions successfully, DESPITE NOT WORKING ON THE FUCKING COMIC. Y'KNOW, THE THING SHE'S PAID FOR ON PATREON TO DO!

Well, due to recent events, he has since taken down the GFM and is refunding all the money to all the donors. He was debating on sending Chris money (the GFM money, since Chris isn't able to go to the Brony convention), but he decided not to do so. He told Chris to sleep in her car, spend the night under the stars, and reflect on her current situation until the morning, when Null would help her find a temporary roof over her head until August 5th.

Barbara tightly manages Chris's finances. Those are Null's words, not mine. You want to know why Barbara's been having trouble with the house and shit? CHRIS HAS BEEN STEALING MONEY FROM HER FOR YEARS. HER CREDIT IS ALL SORTS OF FUCKED, SHE'S BURIED IN DEBT, AND IT'S CHRIS'S FAULT. THE PERSON WHO'S SUPPOSED TO BE TAKING CARE OF HER.

How did we find out about Chris recently getting more money, specifically $750? Well, Null has had access to Chris's emails for the past few years (Chris knows this), and he found an email that Barbara had sent Chris money.

That's a violation of the EPO (Emergency Protective Order) that was put into affect for Barbara. Chris was NOT supposed to contact Barbara in ANY way, shape or form.

Null asked Chris about this and told her that this was a violation of the EPO. He asked her if her mom sent her money. Chris denied it at first, and then went into the whole goddess bullshit she goes into. She then admitted to accessing Barbara's banking account online and wiring the $750 to HER account. Chris also said that she'd pay her back the $750 after receiving the $1000 that Null was supposed to send to Chris. Null was obviously upset with what Chris had done. Who wouldn't be?

Guess what Null did in reaction to what Chris told him? HE BLOCKED CHRIS AND REPORTED HER TO THE POLICE. I'm honestly surprised he stuck with her this long. He genuinely wanted to see Chris become a better person.

It's only a matter of time for Chris's arrest. With all this information that's out there now, more information probably coming very soon, plus people close to Chris confirming all of this....I feel it's safe for me to say that Chris did s3xually assault her mother.

I don't feel bad for Chris anymore. I have no sympathy for Chris. Any ounce of respect for this person has been long since gone. I don't feel comfortable even referring to Chris as a person. She's a monster.

I talked about Chris a few times a few years ago on Instagram, and I got yelled at for tearing this motherfucker apart. Because apparently I was an "ableist bully" for having my grievances with Chris, despite the fact that I'm autistic too and I've never "bullied" Chris for being autistic. Not even once. My grievances had more to do with Chris using her mother and their animals to exploit them for her own monetary gain INSTEAD OF TRYING TO FIND A JOB. I've even tried to suggest that she go work through a temporary work industry and get paid daily. (At that time, I didn't know that trying to interact with Chris wasn't a very good idea. I've since learned, obviously.)

Here's a link to Gibi's video:

Dillon Thomas's video:

The stream with Null:

Geno Samuel's stream:

Here's Rogue's video and live stream he did about the situation. Rogue is one of my FAVORITE YouTubers, as edgy as his content is.:

Thank you for your time.

[harryswatermelonsegment]

Pool Party

Pairing: Reader/Harry Styles

Rating: R, text book smut

Word Count: 5k 😳

Warnings: Slight sub/dom tones I guess? & alcohol consumption

A/N: Sorry this is late, life somewhat resuming here in the UK so it means I’m back at my job. I managed to fall asleep mid edit folks 😳, this is my entry for the @helladirections Summer Feeling Fic Challenge, with the prompt “pool party” click the link for the masterlist. I’m still writing two more, one for @berrynarrybanana ‘s Sex Bucketlist Challenge but it’s turning out to be a 20k slow burn I wasn’t expecting 😬.Oops. But enjoy this one, I’m proud of her. My one other blatant thirst fic can be found here. Reblogs get free gratitude for the next 5 years 🍉💕

You'd been friends with Jeff since your teens, when his parents (despite their wealth), wanted him to get a job at the restaurant you worked at. In their rightful thinking, they wanted him to learn you had to work from the ground up.

Despite your clearly different class background you found a ton of common interests making the whole thing immaterial. He was a caring, down to earth guy and you were both people who really enjoyed sarcastically taunting each other every shift. You'd got used to visiting his house in the hills even though you'd been scared to get lost at first around his parents large house. Becoming solid friends quickly, you'd managed to keep in touch, as much as adult life would now allow anyway.

You knew his main role was managing a pop star but you'd not caught up in a minute and when you did, you kept your job chat out of the conversation where you could. This is why, as you barge through the kitchen, to the pool outside, you're shocked to nearly knock a stunned Harry Styles onto his behind.

"Fuck, shit I'm so sorry" you clutch your chest looking at the red wine on his tank top and his now empty glass. The soiled garment was tucked into some dressy shorts and partly covered by a loud hawaiian patterned shirt. Oh god what had you done?

You were quite honestly mortified. You'd never actually met the man himself, usually meeting Jeff at his for a few drinks or at a restaurant. You'd heard him mentioned in stories about travelling or how his campaigns were running Jeff into the ground with meetings. So, although you weren't a massive fan of his per se, in the way you didn't ask Jeff for updates or info, the way you'd hope you'd meet the attractive pop star was definitely not this.

He looked down at the offending stain then back up into your eyes, keeping his head angled down and blinking through his lashes. You couldn't read his blank expression and it put you on edge.

Maybe it was the heat trapped in the doorway, but as your eyes stayed locked you suddenly felt a fire spread from your navel up to your cheeks, and then from your center down to your toes. Your lower stomach clenched as you stared back at the guy covered in a good 2007 French rouge.

Fuck me he's pretty, you thought.

A rapid film reel of moments; sweaty bodies, those large biceps holding you against the nearest wall, smacking of lips against skin and moans of release flashed in your brain.

It had definitely been a while since you had got laid in your defense, your mood and pent up sexual frustration getting worse by the day as you tried and failed at the L. A. dating scene. Maybe you were picky, but horny and picky was an awful place to be.

However, the reality of the embarrassing scene you were currently a star of, flipped you back into the present.

Seemingly over the initial incident and hopefully not a mind reader to your thirsty brain, he takes you in and smirks.

Harry knew from the way your breathing hitched looking at his torso that you were at least a bit interested. He had clocked you the second you walked in through the big glass doors. A shirt of a band he liked and a natural beauty he wanted to spend some times with you he pondered. Ideally naked.

Zig zagging across the world promoting the album and had left little time to enjoy another person. Status and obligation to his job making it hard to just go out and meet someone. But here you were, dressed unlike anyone else, looking absolutely adorable in your embarrassment. You must be trustworthy if you're in Jeff's home,he wasn't a "bring your friends too" kind of host with his clients usually around.

This could be a fun evening for you both, he thought. Something unspoken, almost magnetic, drawing you both to one another. Surely that wasn't all his side right?

"I was told it was a good year, but I wasn't planning on consuming it quite this way?" inwardly he rolled his eyes at the barely there quip. But you laughed anyway.

"I am so, so awfully sorry, look, let's see if there's some dish liquid or something, possibly some of my next months rent in there too if I have to replace it" you let out a nervous laugh as you walked towards the kitchen. But in all honesty you weren't kidding.

Harry laughed at your sarcastic remark, impressed by your confidence in owning the situation and getting on with things. He casually watched your hips sway past a few people in to the open plan kitchen with as much subtlety as he could, you were confidentially locating all the parts needed to try and remove the offending stain.

"You seem to know your way around 'ere. I'm er…I'm Harry by the way" awkwardly waving as you mixed some solution in the sink drenching a sponge in it.

"Yeah" you smiled turning from the sink with the damp rag "known Jeff a good while, have definitely spilt red wine here before. I'm Y/N" you giggle. The beam from his own mouth matching.

"Ah! Y/N, of course, I've heard him mention you, didn't you once hide rotting mackerel in a unpleasant guys blazer?" he chuckled

"Heyyyy. Only after he spanked my ass getting him the check. Deserved a hot plate to the crotch too" you shot back.

You weren't sure where to go from here the thought of wetting down the white tank yourself definitely appealed but also seemed far too forward.

"Um…" you began gesturing with the sponge in your hand. You expected him to take it from you to sort himself out but..

"Oh yeah sorry" he replied shimmying his shirt off, dumping it on the back of a bar stool, then, crossing his arms across his stomach and lifting the tank top over his head you were slack jawed and frozen taking in the lean muscles and tattoos littered intermittently across his abdomen. He spread the top across the islands worktop flat, then grabbing the sponge with a simple "thanks" and knitting his eyebrows together in concentration as he tried to rid the dull red mark from it's center.

You still hadn't moved. A pink twinge to your cheeks as you watched his shoulder blades and back muscles scrubbing. Dirty thoughts circling your brain still.

"I would have helped you but I didn't want to start a wet tshirt contest in such a high end establishment yknow?" you thought out loud.

"Oh yeah, good call. I'm fiercely competitive Y/N so would probably be under that fancy waterfall thing by now showing off m'moves in my pants" he wiggles his hips trying to suggestively show you his "moves" but you can't help but smirk at just how endearing this man is. Dammit.

When he's finished with his shirt he drapes it over another barstool before handing you the sponge back.

If anyone asks him if he blatantly and deliberately got naked to gauge if you were into him he'd definitely deny it. But the truth is, he definitely did. Luckily for him, with the way you bite your lip and drag your eyes down his flesh as he brushes past your side to get back to the sink, he's right.

"Speaking of getting in the water in your" you use air quotes "'pants' I'm off to get out of mine" you declare, pushing yourself from the counter and keeping eye contact a second as you stroll back to the sliding doors leading to the pool.

"I… What??"

" The pool Harry?.... What did you think I meant?" you narrow your eyes and press your lips together before shutting the glass door again and turning once more to smirk at the opened mouthed man still by the sink.

--------------------------------

You'd been schmoozing in the water for a few hours now. There were probably only 20 or so people still here and the 3rd frozen marg had got you buzzed. You were in the small hot tub type pool, attached at the top of the main one on a slightly higher level. You hadn't seen Harry for a while but the last few times you caught his eye he'd been surrounded by at least 3 other people fighting for his attention, so you banked your flirtations to soothe your own ego, grabbed another marg and tried to forget about how he had started a tornado inside you, yearning for his hands on your thighs and head peering up at you from where they met in the middle. The strong pull of lust was clearly in your head then. What a shame.

You put it to the back of your mind as you finished catching up with Glenne. Both flushed and giggly as usual, she was the perfect match for Jeff and their chemistry unmatchable. You always enjoyed hanging out with the both of them, if anything, they gave you hope your own match may be out there. She left you in the tub alone, as she went to grab herself another drink and check on her host duties boyfriend.

"Don't you find drinking whilst already in water the weirdest thing?" you look up to find Harry standing over your right shoulder as you sit with your back against the pool wall and your elbows propping you up behind you, drink in one hand. His eyes unsubtley slip down to where your breasts lay pushed together in your halter neck bikini. You definitely weren't imagining it then. Fucking fantastic, you think.

"I mean drowning yourself on the inside from the alcohol and being in more than 4 inches of water really adds a danger element to my life if I'm honest" you reply sipping your drink.

And there goes those dimples again.

He's just in a pair of yellow swimming shorts now which doesn't help the alcohol flush at all. Sitting by your right side, putting his short glass full of amber liquid and ice, on the side of the pool and sliding in to join you. He leaves a small gap, as to not appear a total letch but your smart mouth has him hooked.

Taking a sip of his drink with the water up to his collar bones he hums.

"I do feel incredibly dangerous now, you've got a point"

"I mean if you think that's danger" you edge closer, not drunk but buzzed enough to take your chances you whisper into the shell of his ear. "You should see what thrills are in the guest bathroom. 1st floor on the right? " he chokes on his drink as your suggestive whispers make his dick twitch. He definitely couldn't get out of the pool for a while.

You're gone before you get a verbal reaction. If this all goes badly then you can just hide in there and slip out to an Uber and never see Jeff again right? Right. Cool.

With a soft white towel around you and your heart rate high as you reach the main guest bedroom you enter the room, you notice a large weekend bag in there and freeze. Shit. Someone's staying over, you hadn't factored that in, but a glance to the tag and the embossed H. E. S tells you you're good. Well, if not you'll just be a creep hiding in someone's bathroom but let's not think about it too much. Your faux confidence was working well so far and what other chance was going to arise like this one? Hot celebrities need fun with strangers too right?

Entering the bathroom you rub the towel over you, leaving mostly dry skin. You'd peel away your bikini if you were definite you wouldn't need to peel it back up your limbs should this plan backfire. You move to the mirror to adjust the black flecks from your minimal makeup dispersing under your eye and just as you're about to smooth down the stray baby hairs that humidity has got to around your face, you see Harry appear in the mirror behind you. Your belly flipping over and over with the thrill he'd took the bait.

Wasting no time he smirks and holds your gaze, wrapping his hands around your waist whilst his lips attach to the junction of your neck and collarbone. His tongue drags over your soft skin and he licks and softly sucks swirls onto it with his plush lips.

"Hm. You're right. This is a more fun type of danger" he says between kisses but before he's even finished his sentence you've spun around in his arms.

The bottom of your spine cold against the marble countertop, arms around his neck as you smash your lips into one another's with urgency. Tongues and wet noises as you get to know one another through your bodies alone.

He runs his hands down your back and presses his hard length against your thigh. He's definitely packing you think as you lift up a little rub your pubic bone against his front, panting out a little moan as the sweet friction of your bodies colliding sends you into overdrive. Catching the noise through your parted lips he gently tugs on the bottom one, teeth grazing the supple flesh. This combined with his large palms kneading your ass and pulling you further, tighter, into the roll of his hips. Only two layers of damp clothing separate you,forcing your lips to break from his mouth and fully moan, not caring who may be around. You could not remember the last time a perfect stranger knew your body quite this well.

His own grunts were speeding up when he suddenly grabs the back of your thighs and hoists you up beside the sink, you gasp in shock but it was more the way the lean man thrusted you up there like it was nothing. What else could he do? You expect him to go back to kissing you but instead he pulls back with his rock hard erection outlined in the wet shorts he still has on. Looking at you dead in the eyes both raging with lust and concern. Whilst you try not to worry how you were going to accommodate him inside your tight walls.

"Is this…? I mean, you want this too right?" his hands are resting at either side of your parted thighs. You nod. "Need you to say it Y/N" he steps forward, lips wet and brushes the pad of his thumb across your bottom lip that was now puffy and pink from the earlier biting. He knew you were down to fuck, but now he wanted to test your preferences. What kind of fun you were about to have shall we say. So when you lick his thumb tip, holding his fist still and grazing your wet tongue up and down from knuckle to tip before closing your eyes and humming around the entire digit, he knew you were both in for a good time.

Removing the thumb he whispers a barely audible "fuck me" before smashing your lips back together, tongues massaging together as he peels your underwear to the side with his hand swiftly and presses digit you'd lubricated with your mouth against your clit, moving it fast from side to side with just the right amount of pressure to make your head spin. Gasping, you throw your head back, hands clasped around his neck as you lean back and feel yourself start to leak a little with arousal. The few spots dripping down on to the counter.

You could say it had been a while but really this guy was moving his way round your body in the same way you tune a guitar in key. Calloused fingers applying the right amount of pressure as you felt yourself start to get to the edge already. He was kissing down the front if your chest, between your breasts, not missing a beat when he pushed both triangles of your bikini aside and you moaned loudly as he kissed and sucked hard around your nipple, tentatively pulling it between his teeth firmly, the sound you let out made him clamp a little harder before sucking in the whole nipple again, soothing the skin his tongue. Most likely leaving a mark behind, but you kind of liked the idea of proof he'd been devouring you in all honesty.

You were becoming blissed out from all the stimulation. Clenching and moving your hips around nothing but this magical thumb working your clit up and down hard. You were overcome with this whole situation playing out the way it had. You broke away from his mouth again.

"Oh fuck.. Harry, I'm… FuckFuck I'm going to come, I'm gonna fucking… Ahhh" he pulled back one arm steadying you as your head hit the mirror behind you in your release. He just watched you and slowed his thumb down watching as the liquid cascaded onto the counter.

After you'd come down you open your eyes and shyly smiled before kissing him passionately, his hands moving around your waist tightly. You moved your hand to his shorts, teasingly grazing the outline of his cock between your fingers in hopes of repaying the favour. He does a single throaty laugh and removes your hand, holding himself against his thigh. You look at him in confusion when he splutters,

"Sorry, sorry its just I'm going t'blow my load if you touch me." then he's back on your lips "Too. Fucking. Sexy" he says between wet kisses to your jaw, neck and clavicle. "Wanted to do this since I first set eyes on you" one hand is on the back of his neck twisting nape curls between your fist whilst the other rests behind you, stopping you from hitting your head on the mirror again.

"Oh yeah? Before or after I ruined your clothes?" you laugh teasingly as he slides his hands around your back to finally remove the bikini top properly, lifting it up over your head and tossing it aside somewhere on the floor. He let's a laugh out himself completely entranced still by how natural you are around him, it was often hard to connect with strangers in his position.

"I'd spotted you walking in, was trying to open the door for you m'love" he says before sucking a red mark into your breast and massaging and pulling the other nipple slightly with his hand.

You struggle through sharp intakes of breath for a reply.

"Well….ah...that's what chivalry.. Oh.. Get's you these days I guess" and you're both laughing a little.

"Hmm. Have to try harder with my manners then won't I? I mean, I've got to clear up the mess I've made here" he cups his hand against your pussy rubbing it up and down a little with his palm. You let out a guttural noise at the friction. "Ladies first and all'tha too right?" he giggles again at himself.

You're practically cumming right then, you couldn't remember the last time someone actually went down on you. Your previous boyfriend not particularly into offering you foreplay. A main point of why he didn't stick around too long.

Harry kisses down your abdomen now, soft sloppy, sensual pecks, humming into your skin every so often in appreciation as he works at removing your soaked bikini bottoms with his hands, pushing them down to your knees before you help, letting them fall from the remaining ankle to the ground.

Harry is moving far too slow for you, kissing across each hip down to the top of your slit, breathing over where you desperately need him before paying the other side the same attention. Then he's licking up each crease where your thigh meets your pelvis.

"Y/N, just.. Just turn, that's it and lean back as far as you can there, shuffle forward until can't balance anymore" you shift your ass as forward as possible on the lip of the sink and prop yourself up on your elbows trying to be as flat as possible on the cold counter as you could, your toes behind the sink with one foot the other dangling over the edge. You keep you thighs open as Harry hunches over the counter where you now lay diagonal. He places his arms under your thighs and bends your legs flat out as he can stretch you, you're expecting some more teasing but he just looks down at your pussy licking over his lips and almost whining before burying his tongue inside you immediately. The force of his tongue lapping up your previous climax causes you once again to knock the side of your head against the mirrored wall. You turn and watch the scene almost as a spectator, witnessing yourself bare to this beautiful man, curly brown hair between your fists and making sounds like he's savouring every taste. He catches you watching before taking his mouth off you, immediately, you're whining in protest.

"Watch my eyes not my reflection baby, I'm right here"

His authoritative tone eclipsing every thought you had about the casual nickname, you stared down at the wonderful site of him lapping and suckling on your clit. Pointed tongue and firm laps against the swollen button. He then starts lapping up at your glistening hole,unhooking an arm to spread your lips open between his fingers and licking right from the bottom to the top with all the sloppy wet noises involved. He was feeling you contract as he locked faster and faster over you. His tongue deserved an award never mind his music. You couldn't believe you were on the brink of a second orgasm so quickly but when he sunk his middle finger into you at the same pace his tongue was working at, you were screaming his name into the extractor fan above before you knew it. You felt waves of liquid cascade from your pussy as he gently lapped up the produce of his work from you. You flinched in overstimulation but he cleaned up every last drop tenderly before carefully closing your legs and pivoting you round to your previous sitting up position on the counter. Neither of you had spoken a word since you came but as he leads your arms to drape over your shoulders, holding your fucked out body against his chest whilst peppering your temple with soft pecks . Then he kisses you intensely, letting you taste the sweet juices of yourself on his lips. You hummed in approval of the sweet taste as you came round.

A few minutes of carnal making out and things were heating up again. Your hands cupping his jaw then sliding to graze fingernails up and down his back, digging them in a little harder now and again and causing goosebumps to pierce through the skin rapidly under your touch.

You could feel him swallowing down grunts from the friction he was getting from his shorts covered cock brushing up and down between your slick folds.

He'd made you cum twice. Hard. He always got off of making his partners cum of course, so he was feeling beyond turned on and the slight heat of your glistening folds against his length was almostvsending him over the edge.

"I want you inside me" you whispered against his lips desperately.

No sooner had you said the words, his left hand was frantically searching through the vanities top drawer in hope. Finding a packet, checking the date quickly then tearing it between his teeth, spitting the seal onto the floor and pushing his shorts to his ankles, stepping out of them at speed before kicking them away.

He smirked when he caught your eyes bulge at his cock. He knew it was above average but the reaction was always a further compliment he thought.

Stepping forward he put on a show of putting the condom on, first rubbing the drops of sticky pre cum at the head and down his length keeping his eyes locked to yours as you wriggled on the counter with anticipation. He whined a little as it squeezed him rolling it on, so red and over sensitive from turning you on. So that's why, when you grabbed for it, he stilled your hand. Dimples appearing back in his cheeks as you looked again in confusion. He kisses you, languishing the moment before grabbing you forward from the countertop to the floor again, still keeping your lips attached. He lightly grips at your hips and turns you round to face the mirror once more.

Harry lightly grabs your throat, and the way you whimper and push your ass back against him, makes him mentally bank that idea for later perhaps. He runs his left hand up the column of your neck lightly holding your jaw between his thumb and forefinger, forcing you to look at him with his hand on your face and the other already working up and down your folds.

"I want you to watch us. Want you to watch yourself come apart. Want to watch you cum around my cock yeah? " he whispers in your ear. You noticeably shiver with excitement of what's to come.

"Please Harry, please, need it, need you."

You watch yourself babble and beg for his cock. The pathetic whimper from yourself as you try and circle your ass into his crotch again to encourage it happening. You were never patient and he's driving you insane here.

Bringing two fingers infront of your lips as you watch yourself in the mirror he looks you dead in the eye through the reflection.

"Spit" so you do, "good girl" he says kissing your cheek. His saliva lubed fingers are back rubbing your clit quickly whilst his knee nudges the back of yours to spread your feet wider as he kisses the back of your neck and shoulders. When he pauses next you're not expecting the hard thrust of him entering you entirely, sure you were dripping wet with the result of two orgasms but you cry out in a mix of stretch and pleasure as he pounds into you at a furious pace. His spare hand not on your clit is holding the bottom of your spine down as he keeps up his rhythm. His pace was that of a man desperate for release after watching you fall apart on his fingers and tongue. The build up meant he was already close as you tight walls fluttered around him. He pleads with you to stop tightening your walls around him or he's not going to last he whimpers.

You were already close again, you'd never cum this many times or this quickly in your life but you were ready for another round and by the sounds of him and the stutter his pace kept slipping you knew he was close too.

You quickly removed his hand, sucking your own fingers into your mouth to replace his own at your clit.

"M'gonna cum, but… OhOh fuck.. But need you harder. Deeper" you manage to get out.

He grunts a curse before squeezing your hips at a pressure that will leave marks tomorrow but the delight in the speed he was now able to snap his hips against the swells of your ass, was well worth it. It only took a few more seconds with the fingers that knew you best, for you to gush against his cock. Feeling absolutely exhausted you slump your sweaty chest onto the cold counter.

His orgasm taking him by surprise when you clenched up to milk him dry. He all but shouts your name as his hips stutter and you feel the warmth of his cum fill the one barrier between you.

His lips were back on your sweaty neck for a second whilst he disposed of the used condom. He ran the walk in shower and wordlessly you took his offered hand to join him under the hot spray. You'd never had an encounter end like this before not that you were a seasoned professional but after 3 orgasms the way his hands moved round your body under the water, washing away your antics with sweet strawberry-banana smelling suds on the flannel, left you with a warm floaty feeling the worn off alcohol never had.

He gently wipes your makeup from under your eyes then, smiling at the cute way your nose wrinkles slightly as he rubs at each eyebrow.

"I don't even have words" you finally laugh out blushing, not able to stand his gauge as you say it.

"Oh. So that's how to make that smart mouth o'yours stop is it? " he grins, you gasp in mock offense and go to say something but going under your chin with his thumb with his forefinger to connect your lips under the warm water spray he kisses you when you pull away you can't help but ask.

"So does this make us even on one ruined fancy vest then?"

"Hmmmm" he ponders with both hands on your face looking at the ceiling out if the falling water. " I'm not sure, I mean it was a custom, pretty high going rate those yeah"

"Yeahhhh you're right, you're right. Better factor in the cost of the custom job then hadn't I huh?"

You hurriedly sink to your knees on the tiled floor.

[ishouldgay]

(Long rant Anon!)

Hey, everyone is entitled to their opinion, no worries truly! And I perfectly understand not liking a character, it's absolutely fine too. Don't feel obligated to answer either, you do you if course. Your blog, your space and all that. :)

Sorry if I came accross a bit tonedeaf, I'm just very curious, very neurodivergent and trying to understand trains of thoughts that are completely foreign to me (in a foreign language for maximum confusion). By the way, how were his actions in any way short sighted? Or truly selfish? I don't see it at all and I'm genuinely somewhat floored reading that.

The abuses of the Templars / Chantry have been going on for litteral centuries. All the Mages currently alive under Chantry Dominion have experienced it. They have seen all their peaceful pleas and protest be repressed in blood for hundreds and hundreds of years. (Again, like the Elves). They obey, they die. The disobey, they die. What is there to do, then? (Genuine question there !) Something like that was very much bound to happen, it kinda happened all around the world for most of human history IRL, that would make perfect sense for fictional people to react that way too. What would you do in their stead? (Again genuine question.) They just want to live. That's it. They want to be allowed to be alive. And there is, at this point of the story, absolutely no hope for them at all to ever be allowed do that.

Personaly it makes perfect sense to rebel as well if the cult who kidnapped me, emprisoned me, tortured me, decided I ultimately didn't deserve to live becauuuse... Fuck off for being born? And then they sent in the deathsquads, because sense of proportions I guess. That situation is completely insane when you think about it... Makes you wonder, if the Chantry allowed all the Circles to be like the Dairsmuid one, there would probably none of the Rebellion happening... What the fucking fuck could we possibly do in Kirkwall's mages stead, seriously and genuinely asking, again : run and hide? Knowing we were leaving everyone else to die? Take a purely symbolic last stand for the whole world to see and die with them (that's what Anders did/wanted to do)? Knowing it won't likely change anything but it might give a tiny shred of Hope to someone, somewhere else, watching, that the Chantry isn't as intouchable as it pretends? (Now that I thought about it, I can't help but see the parallels with the Rebels from StarWars. Why didn't I see that before?!) I would probably refuse as well, to go quietly into the night. (Maybe it's because I'm part of an oppressed minority so I can feel it so clearly? Honestly dunno.) To just letting myself get killed by the Chantry and have my already miserable existence reduced to nothing at all... All the lives of my (hypothetical) people? Sounds so wrong. And I'm not even remotely as strong as Anders. I would have definitely killed myself when the Templars pressured me too. If life didn't hold any significance, could death yet do? Hm. (Which I realize is actually a very central theme in StarWars too, rising against an inescapable terrible enemy despite having like 0.1% chance to win but still going for it, for the far off chance it might spark some hope elsewhere? Uhh interesting. Rogue One very much. But I digress again.)

If Anders blowing up the Chantry and killing x number of people in the process makes him worthy of the death penalty, then following that logic, at the very very least I believe the Divine, Isabella and Celene should be immediatly exectued as well for doing far worse than Anders. (Thankfully, some do get just that coming and Isabella get to have a redemption arcs in the comics.) (Damn there is a huge amount of characters murdering innocents in that saga isn't it?)

And considering that the Chantry has been wiping out entire cultures (just like Tevinter or the Qun) murdering at the very least tens of thousands of people, likely a lot more through the ages... Even over a million doesn't even seem that irrealistic at this point honestly. (Like, litteraly, under the span of the games, which is around a decade and a half, the Chantry kills right before our eyes several thousands of people. True, it's not in one single action, which seems to be a point of importance in your argument that I genuinely don't get? It doesn't make all those innocent victims any less murdered? [Am I missing the point here? Hm.] Could even be argued it's worse since they do it repetively and remorselessly, at least 3 genocides in 15years, that's a LOT and that's just for the shit we witness and know about. I can't even imagine what the Exalted Marches were like with Chantry Fanatics being told they get to have "a special place in heaven right next to the Maker" if they go exterminate people in the Chantry's name. 😬😬 Well, yes, I guess I can imagine since it's the Crusades. But I digress yet again sorry.)

I’m fully pro mages the entire time, but honestly? Every Organization in DA sucks. Every single one has some kind of awful Secret or they spurn someone or something.

Remember, most Chantry policy was a reaction to a magic base empire that enslaved more people than the Chantry ever did. The common man fears mages for a reason. We outside Thedas can safely sit outside with all the information available and say mages shouldn’t be treated this way for all these reasons but not only have 90% of people in Thedas not met a mage have been told they can turn into demons at anytime, which they can, but compared to a lot of people? Circles can actually be better.

Now this isn’t true of all circles but I feel like Sera’s banter with, I believe Dorian, summed it up well with her saying, and I’m paraphrasing here, ‘it might suck but they get three meals a day and don’t die in the streets’. I know that doesn’t make up for the fact that abuse does happen, of course, but none the less most mages were taken care of better than common folks were.

Vivienne’s banter and conversations are interesting because she often talks about how mages were being abused yet not every circle was the same in that regard and how that was only part of the reason the vote to break down the circles was so close. She also pushes for someone to watch over mages because again, mages have powers that make them extremely dangerous.

And here’s my real problem with Anders and why I wouldn’t ever put Isabela on the same level:

Isabela failed to tell Hawke that she knew why the Qunari are in Kirkwall or that she is the cause. But she isn’t the Direct cause of the Qunari attacking the city, they had just gotten sick of being there and Kirkwall sucked so fucking much that they decided that taking over the city was a good idea at that point. Isabela also can return the book if Hawke befriended her. Yes she still shouldn’t have done any of that but she had her reasons and she still can be turned around.

Anders’s blowing up the Chantry helped a grand total of zero people. Chantry backed or not it was the Templars that were doing the abuse. If he has decided to blow up the Templars HQ? I probably wouldn’t be as mad because that’s a Direct action on the people doing the actual harm but instead Anders wanted ‘ no peace’ and murdered people to do it. He didn’t think about the mages he was putting in danger or he thought that their deaths were worth it. If Hawke doesn’t side with the mages? They all die because Anders decided he wanted his war NOW. He wanted to rebel NOW. He had no contact with any circle about how they would probably face awful backlash but again he either didn’t care or thought it was worth it. Honestly by the end it felt like he wanted to punish the Chantry more than he wanted to protect his fellow mages and there is nothing Hawke can do to change his mind. (Depending of play style) Hawke is bending over backwards to try and keep mages safe because either Hawke’s sister is a mage or Hawke is a mage but Anders doesn’t care and tries to start a war where mages are out numbered 100 to 1.

And Again it doesn’t matter that we the players can see that the Chantry sucks. Anders blowing up the Chantry only made the fear about mages even stronger than what it was and made even less people want to help them when not a whole lot ever wanted to help anyway.



[completely-zucked]

I've been homeless and immobile for a while, but I'm in danger of losing my accommodation and wheels (again).

Mentally and spiritually, I have been homeless for nearly two decades. I have once again been threatened with eviction because I don't have enough money in my bank account to pay my rent or meet my car repayment and other loans. Each time it happens, things get worse and there's no negotiating.

This time around, though, I might call their bluff, because I was already being driven mad (quite literally) by the restrictions, manipulating and gass-lighting (being called a cold, uncaring self-centred, irrational, illogical, lazy, stupid, narcissistic and paranoid sociopath — enough to make a guy with self-esteem and motivation issues suicidal). What's changed is that now I've been banned from using, cleaning and/or performing any maintenance on any room in the house except my bedroom (including bathrooms and toilets), which was previously one of my responsibilities. I have to use outdoor ones/the old servants' quarters, which doesn't have a door on the bathroom. )I live in the southern hemisphere; it's winter here.) I'm not allowed to hang a curtain or take material to make one, so I use an old chlorine bucket in the passageway/corridor outside as an indicator that I'm in there. I'm not allowed to be out there past 21:00 and am not allowed to move my stuff to the servants' quarters or garage because they are being used as storage space for tools and, occasionally, as a home gym by/for my landlord. I'm also not allowed to use any tools or appliances (including vacuum, cleaners, brushes, brooms, dustpans and cloths), because no maintenance. Everything of mine that I don't keep hidden and locked away has been confiscated. Of that, everything that I bought myself has been discarded or claimed as belonging to my landlord and landlady. (My soap, of all things, was the first casualty, which is what tipped me off and prompted my buying locks for those things I could lock away.) I am also not financially able nor permitted to buy more tools, containers or locks (and replacements for those) since my finances are being scrutinised and my choices, decisions and purchases criticised.

My broom is a paintbrush, my dustpan a plastic shopping bag and my duster a roll of paper towel. My vacuum cleaner is a cardboard tube glued to a Pringles can with a PC fan inside. ... And they wonder why I've taken to doing DIY projects that repurpose recyclable household items ; how irrational of me ... Le sigh.

That means no fridge, kettle, microwave or stove. I also don't get cooked meals. That would be fine on its own if I weren't subject to restrictions. I live off powdered milk, coffee, cereal, peanut butter, marmite, bread, orange squash concentrate, syrup, biscuits and bananas. Sometimes, I skim a couple of tablespoons of yoghurt out of the container when they're not around, or dilute fruit juice with water at a ratio of about 1:3, just to have some variety/luxury. I had some meal replacement shake powder too, just to keep me from starving, but that's gone and I can't afford to replace it. If I ask for more, I'll have to pay it back; they keep track of everything they buy for me (including a bottle of vitamins) that I'll have to pay back if/when I get a job again. I already owe about $220. It was, of course, a big deal when I bought myself twelve beers on special for $9 the day I got paid for the first lot of contract work I'd done in nearly six months since losing my job, despite the guy underpaying me by just over $100 because I hadn't insisted on a written agreement and was in no position to haggle/negotiate; the last time I do favours for friends, especially those who're religious. (The fact that I'm rationing out the beers at one a week and am only on my sixth one next weekend doesn't have any relevance to my landlady, who tried to confiscate a couple with intent to give them to my landlord and made an almighty fuss about how selfish I was being when I said I'd be fine with sacrificing them if either of them had just asked for one, how she'd noticed my ex always bought the wine despite our having agreed on certain divisions of costs when we were together, and a whole lot of other irrelevant bullshit.)

I need help getting out before the end of June, assuming I find a job and somewhere to go by then. Otherwise, I'm quite likely to end up on the street or attempting to off myself again. Currently, I have no job, nowhere to go and not even enough money to buy a cheap bicycle for $175. Even if I take my car to a dealer who'll settle the balance of my loan with the bank, I get nothing for it because it's an old model which I haven't been able to afford to take better care of and is pretty much a lemon four years after I drove it off the showroom floor. (I should have traded it in after two, before the new model came out). That's the best deal I've been offered. The alternative is to either trade it in for something else and extend my loan or take an amount that's less than it's worth and continue paying off a loan for a vehicle I no longer have. Hooray for death by a thousand cuts under Consumer capitalism.

Apparently, it's all my fault for not learning my life lessons, growing the fuck up, sorting my life out and GTFO of the family home a hell of a lot sooner (by at least a decade, nearly two), when the physical abuse by my peers first started in small and subtle ways. I thought that would all be behind me when I left high school, then varsity, then two corporate jobs. But no, I'm the kind of person who attracts bullies and toxic, abusive relationships.

The moral of the story

If I had known what I now know and the lessons I have learned when I was a padawan/young twenty-something, I would have taken my education seriously and applied myself to obtaining both CS and EE degrees instead of a crappy, near-worthless diploma, moved into my own two-room shoebox as a priority and bought a bicycle instead of a car. Anywhere I can't reach by bike probably isn't worth going and a car is an immovable liability/waste of money two years after purchase. At least I would have my own space (which I so desperately crave). At least then, I could be an allegedly horrible, reprehensible and repulsive degenerate of a person all by myself without anybody to hurt or hurt me. I'm fucking done with living with other people for a while. Fuck that noise; I want a thousand days of solitude, even if it's in a corrugated iron shack in an informal settlement. I'm prepared to cook my supper in a three-legged potjie over a wood fire and boil collected rainwater in a cast iron pot while I wait for my orchard and mielies to grow.

Honestly, at this stage, I'm prepared to live on a camp bed with a sleeping bag and a camp chair and folding table in somebody's garage, undercroft or old servants' quarters (as long as there's a plug point and running water) just to be able to get away from here. I just want some space of my own to be myself (horrible or otherwise) again and keep my interaction with people to a minimum while I figure out how to cope with/manage my shitty life situation, get back on my feet and out in the world again without being scrutinised, criticised, judged, condemned, restricted, rejected and ostracised. That shit is literally making me crazy and suicidal. It is not in any way conducive to me so much as thinking of an action plan/way forward, let alone pursuing it. Yet, somehow, I still manage to restrict the time I spend buggering around on social media (still too much), which I apparently need to succeed in the modern world, hunt for jobs, write, make music and try to flog my Patreon to disinterested parties. Oh, and I'm also writing a proposal for a social media site for someone who's attempting to gather funding.

Seeing my shrink for two hours a month (which costs me a month's wages from my part-time weekend job) and the afore-mentioned job is not enough, as much as I love animals.

So if you can spare between ten and twenty-seven dollars a month to help keep me afloat, please subscribe to my Patreon. Your support will be greatly appreciated.

[minjoonalist]

Predilection | Chapter five

Pairing : Jikook x Reader [Feat. Taehyung]

Words: 1.8k

Genre: Angst, eventual Smut, fluff 

Warnings : explicit wording, characters under the influence, bad judgement, (I will make it clear that the characters in this chapter are definitely of age.)

Description: you want him, he wants you, but he also wants him, and him wants you- but him hurt you. So You hate him.

+++

Its somewhere around 7:00 am in the morning and amongst all your fellow early classmates waiting to board the trip’s bus, you find yourself spacing in and out of your own head. Your stomach in knots, eyes puffier than usual and although you’ve tried to calm yourself through an entire night of restless tossing and turning - you just couldn't shake the miserable feeling of dread.

“ Y/n...Y/N?!” There's a hand waving in your face catching your attention. Like a trance being broken, your best friend watches worriedly while your eyes seem to snap open in shock. Seeing him, makes the question ring in your head for the hundredth time, the very one you lied to. Whether or not you found your own body betraying your emotions for the boy you hated.

You kissed him back.

Jeon jungkook knew what it felt like to have your lips moving desperately against his in such an intimate fashion. Your lips permanently painted with the feel of his impressionable touch. The event, unfortunately, was still on your mind heavy, your thoughts consumed within the strange dilemma that you’d somehow gotten yourself into and to make it worse- you now truly had no one to really talk about it with.

“Did you...D-Did you sleep at all last night?” Taehyung stumbles in front you and it if it weren't for the devastating guilt running through you, you wouldn't have noticed the very clear and real suitcase coming by his side. Which reminded you of your suitcase...and that you were really going to be stuck with those two for an entire week...

Focusing, You try to swallow in your very dry mouth, your eyes blinking slowly to take on the equally as sleep deprived looking boy. His eyes a bit dark all around, hair disheveled, and there's an alarming aura around him that you couldnt say you were used to.

Was he nervous?

“Me? Tae you look like you want to get hit by a train.” you retort yawning in exhaustion “something Tells me I'm not the only one who didn't dream of pillows and sheep”. Letting your bag down from your shoulder, you wince from your tense muscles screaming in agony and a sigh could be heard from him.

“Excuse you, but I did get some sleep- at least that was before you came panicking at my door.” he denounces while creating an evil glare.

“ we only talked for an hour, don't blame your obvious insomnia for yoongi on me” you spit back and while taehyung was too busy dropping his mouth to the floor, the scarce amount of your classmates had begun to fill in including your professor.

By then, the sun was beginning to rise even further in the sky and by the looks of all the tired faces surrounding you, you could tell it was almost time to depart on the trip - aka hell. Your nerves suddenly getting the better of you, you slowly start to sink further into the troubling mess of your emotions and just as you were beginning to realize how surreal your situation was, your eyes catch a notable figure in the distance.

Silver hair shining within the powerful breeze, as a ringed hand comes up to help keep it at bay. He struts up towards the surrounding crowd of students, catching multiple glances of onlookers, but whether or not he acknowledges them through his square rimmed shades, it remains a mystery. A black leathered luggage by his side, Jimin stops his stride just a few feet away from you and tae, however his focus remains on the phone held within his other hand.

“Oh great! The ballerina's here.” taehyung cheers sarcastically, meanwhile every fiber within your body was stilled from how aware you were of his presence. Okay...so this was still just a bit harder than you’d thought it would be...you think while taking a deep breath. As much as you wanted to pretend you felt absolutely nothing for the male hovering by the both of you, you couldn't deny the quickened pace within your chest when he suddenly snaps his head in your direction.

Your gaze quickly goes elsewhere.

“Tae I don't know if I can do this...” you swallow, a hard lump coming into your throat. You think you’re going to be sick…

“Do what?” Taehyung frowns, A deep crease in his brow from your confession, however it disappears once he puts its together himself. Both of his brows now shooting up towards his hairline “You're not thinking of Failing this course are you? Y/n we’ve talked about this, you're going to be fine. I’ve told you, you can stay the night with me and yoongi if you don't want to be on your own.”.

And just like that, You cast your gaze downwards, a feeling of hopelessness washing over. You suddenly find your feet a bit too interesting “ I- I don't know…I think this might be too much Tae. I know you w-want to be alone with yoongi and I...well I’d pretty much just be cock blocking you. Plus, I just don't know if I can handle being with them the way it is-” you stutter shakily.

Stepping closer, Taehyung pulls you into an abrupt warm hug, bringing you closer until your head was resting comfortably on his firm chest “ Hey, Hey- no matter what, I’ll be glad to have you around anytime. Besides, it’s pretty bold of you to assume I wouldn’t be pounding into min yoongi, because you're in the next room- I couldn’t care less if you watched.” he pulls back to look you in your eyes, a clear look of doting support across his features.

Meanwhile you scrunch your face up in disgust “I think I’d rather hear them before I hear you- at least I won't really be able to visualize their faces.”

Tae stares at you blankly before he lifts a brow “...You’re telling me, you wouldnt want to watch me fuck someone else...me? The unbelievably hot best friend who had you shirtless the first time we met?”

You cringe again “ You seriously have to stop talking about that night...I would like to not remember getting my heart broken and then having even my current best friend reject me.” you move to step away from him and more towards the slowly growing crowd. You never liked talking about the night you met Taehyung, because in all honestly- it was probably the worst night of your life. Unfortunately, it also happened to be the night jimin and jungkook had first debuted as couple and on top of that- you really dont want to venture back into a territory where sex was possible between the both of you.

Getting closer towards the others, you feel taehyung easily catching up with your walking figure. His arm comes naturally around your shoulder like always before he speaks “ Well of course I rejected you, you were completely heartbroken like an adorable sad puppy.”

“Wow this conversation just keeps getting better and better....By the way this is doing wonders for my confidence, just thought you should know.” you mutter sarcastically while trying to shove his arm off of your shoulder. He doesnt move it, instead catching on to the hurt hidden behind your sarcasm. He then uses his arm to stop you, the pressure of it keeping you from walking any further.

He rolls his eyes “Wait, because I don't think you understand. The reason I stopped wasn't because you were just some sad random girl. Well- actually yes it was, but it was also because…” he huffs “ You were also really sweet and innocent, you didnt deserve some asshole who was going to fuck you senseless and then disappear the next day. So I stopped and when you broke down then cried, I held you, remember?” he tries to put on a smile that opposes your bitter pout.

As much as you hated to admit it, Everything he’d just said was true. Taehyung did stop that night and you knew that, because you remembered that night vividly.

The both of you bursting through some random bedroom door for privacy.

Only moments ago you’d just seen your best friend and your crush making out in back the of a graduation party together and when you confronted Jungkook about it, he’d acted as if he had no idea what you were talking about. Angry, you stormed off, tears collecting your eyes and you made your way over towards the snack table to down an entire cup of vodka.

Moments later, A firm hand suddenly sliding it’s way onto your back that makes you turn to look at the culprit. Enters Taehyung. Dark hair, boxy smile, but red sultry eyes drinking in your poor body as he pulls you closer towards him “ You look like you could use some fun, want to go upstairs?” he would breathe slowly into your ear.

You remembered sliding your eyes back towards the raven haired boy that just so happened to be watching you and Taehyung like a hawk from across the room. Your eyes just barely being able to find him through the sea of people, An emotion swirling dangerously behind them.

In a time like this, Jungkook would already be there ready to save you when needed. But with the combination of anger, the vodka, and a growing euphoria of feeling Taehyung’s hands roaming all over your waist, you were certain you wouldn't need it.

Which brings you back towards the private room. Taehyung locks the door behind him, reaching for you to slam his mouth onto yours. The kiss is sloppy, aggressive and you were loving every second of it. His teeth nipping and pulling at your delicate lips before he’s lifting you up into his arms. A soft yelp leaves your mouth and he chuckles arrogantly into the kiss while walking the both of you further in. In a flash, he has you landing on top of the small room’s bed, his own body coming to hover above yours and you relish in the feel of his hips sliding between your legs.

As if a chill comes by, you suddenly shudder under him. The heated make-out warming you up enough to definitely have your panties soaked, but for some reason...you felt cold. Taehyung continues unknown to this, laying wet kisses from your mouth and down towards your neck. His own drunken lust, blinding him from the way your arms were desperately hugging him closer to feel any kind of warmth.

It wasn't until he suddenly sat up from you. His hands reaching for the hem of your shirt to pull it above your head and have you falling down onto your back. He takes a moment to look at your half naked torso, a look of appreciation washing over his eyes as he rakes them further up to stare at you.

He-

Why were there tears in your eyes?

+++

Chapter Five | Next Chapter | Masterlist

Taglist: @rkivemagic @peterrogers15 @sessi03 @brokencrownqueen @cainami @icedoutmywristtitanic @kawaiimusiccollection @toddsgirl27

[kindafooey]

Uhh so since I've been vaguing so much about how deathly exhausted I am with my current life situation, I feel like I owe you guys an explanation on what said situation entails, and now that I've been forcibly removed from work for three weeks and finally have the extra time and energy needed for venting...

Basically I'm doing two jobs at the moment (sort of). Back in November my gramps had a really bad falling accident and was hospitalized for a couple of months. By mid-January he'd recovered enough to return home. The thing is, I live in the building right next to his, and even though he's got a nurse coming over twice a day, I'm more or less assigned as his secondary caretaker now. It doesn't really take me more than an hour or two a day - I run his errands, do his groceries, visit him every day after work and check if he's eaten and taken his medication, vacuum his house every now and then, stuff like that.

Like, it doesn't sound much, but... it's actually a lot. There's stuff like him being addicted to the opioids he was given for pain at the hospital, and all the lying and aggression and emotional manipulation that happen when he's not as doped up as he wants to be. There's the personality change and memory issues that happen when he is. (There's been a couple of times when he hasn't recognized me, thinking I was one of the nurses, and that's a whole nother punch in my emotional stability.) There's the constant fear of another accident occurring. There's being dragged into the endless power games between him and my mom. There's my mom being cold and straight up vicious towards everyone around her, because that's just her way of preparing for the inevitable. There's my sister feeling guilty for this responsibility having been pushed onto me just because I live the nearest, and there's me actually being crusty about her getting to live her life as she pleases while I'm stuck with this situation for the undetermined time being. And then there's the fact that I'm going to move into Gramps' (huge and modern and pricey) apartment once his condition worsens to the point where he has to be taken to a nursing home, and honestly, the idea of eventually having almost four times the living space I have now, a dishwasher, a sauna, enough room for more pets, and so on is the one thing that keeps me going. And I feel horrible about it. The thought of Gramps' condition getting worse terrifies me, but at the same time I can't help longing for the improved living conditions it will bring to myself. And it's going to happen sooner or later regardless of how I feel about it, and... urgh. It's like the "inside of you there are two wolves" meme. Sometimes I just wish this would end already, but at the same time I know it's going to get worse before it gets better. And it's only been two months - who knows how long this constant uncertainty is going to continue.

I've actually sort of noticed some warning signs of the same levels of emotional fatigue I felt before my burnout (and by that I mean complete debilitation) in 2016. I was going to ask for fewer shifts for this month, but then the lockdown was announced, and, well, I gotta say the timing was pretty stellar because I really needed some time off work. Maybe I'll manage to get my shit together in three weeks? I dunno, but I'm grateful. The British covid variant is really doing me a solid here.

So uhh... yeah. That's pretty much what I'm dealing with right now, and I'm sort of just hanging in there, but... who knows, maybe it'll balance out in time? It's a bit of a no-escape situation, so I'll just have to grin and bear it, but... at least I'll be rewarded in the end? 😅 God, I feel awful saying that, but I gotta have something going on for me, right? For now I just have to be thankful for the fact that Gramps recovered enough to be able to return home in the first place. That should make all that hard work worth it. Reeeaaallly would like to get rid of the fatigue, though. Well, now you know! If you read this post all the way down here, I salute you. This has been a vent.

[justanotherlifeff]

Levi Ackerman × reader

Genre: Angst, Hurt/comfort, Fluff, matured themes, slowburn

Warning: There's mentions and descriptions of underage rape and suicidal themes and self harm and other triggering stuff.

(Y/N) POV

Damn those 3DMGs... After using those for a while, I suddenly felt so dizzy that I passed out. Right on that cart. I recovered fairly fast but just when I did, someone injected me with something. I was already tied up and drowsy so I couldn't fight. When I regained my consciousness, I was tied to a chair, my 3DMG was taken off and there were six men standing in front of me. "So you're (Y/N) (L/N) eh? Humanity's strongest woman? That runt really got himself some good meat." a very tall man chuckled. My mouth was gagged so I couldn't give a reply. I just glared at him.

"I don't know if you know me. I'm Kenny. Now that I know that Levi has a thing for you, I'll keep you nice and tied up here so that I can kill him when he comes to get you. Meanwhile, you can enjoy the company of these fine lads" Kenny chuckled again as he got out of the door. One of those five men came close to me and told the others with a laugh, "Captain gave us permission. We really should enjoy this one". Saying that, he started groping me. I almost tried to protest but then I remembered that I had a pocket knife in my panties. Levi made me keep it with me when we were gearing up before leaving the safe house.

My hands were tied behind me and there was a gap on the chair right above my ass. I slipped my hand in my pants as calmly as possible, while one more person joined him to grope me. One of them took of my scarf and saw the hickeys that Levi left. " Darn it! Marked women aren't attractive!" one of them grunted. "Well, we can bite her and leave worse marks" another chimed in and one of them bit my neck really hard. It hurt like hell and I did not enjoy it because it felt exactly like how everything felt when I was underground. I yelped at that, gritting my teeth to stop myself from crying. I reached the pocket knife somehow and got it out of my pants and unsheathed it.

I slowly cut the rope tying my hands and then the rope that was tying my torso to the chair. The guards didn't notice because they were too busy groping me and biting me. It took about 30 seconds for the whole process but I decided that I had to wait till Kenny is gone.

A few weeks back:

Levi and I were standing on the clearing of the safehouse. He was training me to use knives. "If you can defeat me with only a pocket knife while I have a sword, you would be good enough to survive against Kenny with a knife. Everything I learned about using knives was from Kenny. I don't expect you to be that good but I want you to be able to take on 3-5 people with a pocket knife. I only won against Erwin in sword duels a few times because I had years of experience. You won't have that and good for you, you won't have to face either Erwin or Kenny. Now, focus." Levi told me as a pep talk. His pep talks were more discouraging than encouraging.

I decided I had to wait for about five minutes before whatever there was outside the room was clear. I had limited time to cut everyone open and strap into their 3DMGs that have guns attached. I endured absolute hell for five more minutes and when I was done, I, without any warning, slit the throats of the two men closest to me with one swash. One body fell down and I kept another on top of me to shield the bullets. I used the knife to cut the rope that tied my legs and used the body to run up to the closest soldier, slit his throat, threw the chair at one of the two soldiers left and ran up to the other with the body of the soldier whose throat I just slit and threw the body on him and got on his back when he was loosing balance and put my knife on his throat but suddenly, the other soldier ran towards him and snatched the knife from me.

He thought he got me but I snapped this guy's spine with a kick that I delivered by swinging on his neck and kicked the last soldier on his face, picked the knife up and slit his throat too. It took 7 minutes approximately. I had three minutes at max to strap up to the 3DMG. I did that as fast as possible in about 4 minutes and also took the most filled tank and took all of their unused bullets. I opened the door to find two soldiers running towards the door in the hallway but instead of shooting them, I flew towards them and slit their throats with my knife. I didn't want to attract Kenny's attention. I already felt nauseous and dizzy for using the 3DMG but I kept myself calm and in control.

I saw a window in the hallway and opened it, shot towards it twice to break the grille and flew out. I was still in Trost but in the military building for the interior squad. They had their own buildings in every major city. I got the attention of the MPs already and they chased me. I knew that I couldn't afford a 3DMG chase because I felt dizzier by the minute, so, I changed my direction towards the market place, went through several narrow alleys between buildings and lost their tail for a second and got into a clothing store.

An old lady was at the counter who looked at me with shock as I rushed towards her and told her in a pleading voice, "Please help me! They will kill me. I need a place to hide.". She saw the marks on my neck that clearly stated that I was physically abused not long ago and she said, " Okay my dear, into the dressing room. Now.". I rushed into the room she showed me. Suddenly I saw her throwing a blue cloak over the door with a (Different hair colour) wig. "Wear these." she instructed. I did as she said, wearing the navy blue long cloak and the wig. "Come out when you're done dear and wash off all the blood on your face and hands in the bathroom. You will attract attention if you don't" she told me in a soothing voice.

I did as she said and I honestly looked very different except for the marks on my neck. When I came out of the bathroom, she gave me a grey scarf to cover it. I searched in my pocket and found my purse. I didn't have much in there because I didn't get a chance to collect my pay check. I only had three gold coins. I gave those to her and told her, "Ma'am, I could never repay you for your kindness. Please take these coins. They are all I have now. I promise I'll pay the rest as soon as I can..." she interjected me and said, "I know who you are. You're (Y/N) (L/N) from the scouts. My dear, everyone has heard of your bravery. I'm honoured to help you. You young people give your lives for humanity and this is the least I could do for you".

I didn't know how to answer to that so I smiled at her and muttered, "Thank you. I have to go now" and left the shop. I saw the military police looking for me but the wig saved me. I knew what location to go to because Levi explained us the plan about where the hideout would be. It was night, the market streets were still pretty busy but they won't be a while later. I knew I couldn't borrow a horse or anything because that could blow our cover. I had to walk to the forest in which the new safe house stood. It took a while, the streets were empty when I got close.

I got inside the forest and used 3DMG to get in further even if that made me feel dizzy to speed up the process. When I reached, it was late. There were lights inside the house and I knocked the front door. I took the wig off so that they would recognise me. There was no sound for a while till someone cracked the door to see who's knocking and the door flung open and Jean stood there with Connie and Sasha. Sasha pulled me in a brief hug asking me if I was okay, etc.

"Get me a place to sit" I muttered as they took me in there to the dining room and let me sit, giving me water and bread. I started eating those like my life depended on it. I could hear screams of agony in the background but I wasn't feeling good enough to give heed to it. I didn't even notice that Connie disappeared from the room. A moment later, Levi entered the room along with Eren, Mikasa, Armin and Connie.

"So, you're back." he said with his cold tone dripping with sarcasm. I looked at him with a surprised expression. I expected him to ask me if I'm okay. "So, you feel like not answering your squad leader is completely fine. Then again, you seem to disobey my orders without any issue." he told me in his cold voice again.

"I'm sorry heichou, I felt like you stated a fact instead of asking a question. I don't know how to answer to facts. About the order, two lives were at risk. I did what any second in command would do because they are my subordinates too. Infact, under the Survey corps rulebook, section 4, a second in command can make their own decisions in case of life or death situations..." I continued formally and coldly when Levi stopped me with his hand slamming on the table as he talked quietly and menacingly, "Are you fucking kidding me? I know what the fucking rulebook says! My point is, how the fuck can you make such an absurd decision like that in your current condition?!".

My eyes widened at that. I noticed everyone standing around us silently, quiet perplexed by the tension in the room. "What do you mean by my 'current condition'?" I asked quietly. Levi continued to give me his cold stare and said, "You really thought I won't find out you're pregnant?". I knew I would be in big trouble now. I calmed myself down and looked at everyone else in the room and told them, "Could you all give us some privacy?". They all murmured an yes and rushed out of the room. Levi and I were alone in the room.

The uncomfortable silence was broken by myself when I said, " I didn't want to worry you by letting you know about it. You already had a lot of burden on yourself..." I tried to reason with him but he stopped me and said, "How do you think I feel right now? I feel like a complete failure as a partner and..." I saw him hesitate for a while before he continued, "and as a father.".

"I'm sorry" I blurted out. "I couldn't live with the blood of my comrades on my hand. Not when I could've saved them. I should've told you about the pregnancy. It would've helped you make plans better. I found out very recently too and everything got messed up so suddenly..." I tried to reason with him. He didn't reply for a while. I knew he was trying to calm down. I knew that he needed time to adjust to the whole situation. Even if he is the strongest man of humanity, he still is human. "Could you live with the blood of your kid on your hand?" he asked me softly. "No. I can't. That's why I'm alive..." I started when I remembered about the injection.

"Levi, I need to see Hanji. They gave me an injection that made me pass out. I don't know if it will harm the...baby." It felt weird to talk about...it. I still couldn't believe I was going to have a child. I saw a glimpse of concern in Levi's eye. "I'll send Hanji as soon as she arrives. She is supposed to be here soon." he told me. There was another awkward silence before I asked him, "Do you want the kid?".

He looked at me as if I just asked him the most stupid question ever. "(Y/N), why do you think I just shouted at you for making a completely rational decision?". I smiled at his answer. He wanted it too. "I'll tell Sasha to boil some water for you. You need a shower. You look like shit." he told me before walking out of the room.

Levi POV

I was torturing Sannes when Hanji arrived. She tried to join me but I stopped her and said, "(Y/N) escaped them. They injected her with something to make her unconscious. I need you to check if it affects the baby in any way". "You know? She told you?" Hanji asked with surprise. She was pretty sure that (Y/N) wouldn't tell me about it, at least, not yet. "No she didn't. I heard it from Connie. Tch! If she just talked to me about it, I wouldn't let them kidnap her or inject her with some sort of crap that might harm the baby". I grumbled.

"I'll go check on her. Are you coming?" Hanji asked. "Yeah coming". I muttered as I took the bloody apron off and followed her. (Y/N) already took a bath and was wearing her own normal clothes. We all kept our bags in the warehouse before going into combat. We collected those and Reeves from there later. I sat on a chair in the room next to the bed where (Y/N) was lying on. She was in my room, of course. There were many rooms in this house.

Four bedrooms, two of them had one bed in each and the other two had three bed in one, and two bed in one room. Hanji took one of the rooms with one bed and I took the other. Moblit and the male members of my squad were staying at the room with three beds and the female members of my squad were in the room with two beds. There was a spare room which we used as a torture room. There was, of course the dining room and the kitchen and a small underground dungeon.

Hanji was doing a blood test on (Y/N). She somehow always has her equipment in her bag no matter what the situation is. She mixed her blood in some chemical and declared that it was a mild sedative which won't harm the child. (Y/N) was sleeping, probably because she was too tired from the events from the morning. I decided to go back to torturing Sannes when Hanji was checking (Y/N)'s temperature and some other stuff to make sure she's completely fine. I noticed the bite marks on her neck as she was sleeping. "What did they do to her..." I thought grimly.

I was pretty sure they laid their hands on her and I intended to cut their hands off and feed them to dogs. She just had to say the name. I took one last look at her and left the room. Even after going through so much, she still managed to look like the most beautiful woman I've ever seen. On the way back to the torture room, I told Mikasa to wake (Y/N) up in time for dinner and give her the news Hanji gave me about the sedative not being harmful. After a while, Hanji arrived the torture room and apologised for being late and literally jumped onto torturing Sannes.

No one's POV

Mikasa woke (Y/N) up when dinner was cooked as instructed by Levi. The first thing (Y/N) asked after waking up was about the injection. Mikasa gave her the news about it being harmless. "How did things go with Levi Heichou?" she asked (Y/N). "We sorted things out. By the way, did Connie tell Levi about the...you know.." (Y/N) tried to ask Mikasa about the baby but hesitated because she felt uncomfortable about the whole thing. "Yes but don't kill him" Mikasa told (Y/N) as she smiled at her. "Well, I was intending to but we need all squad members" (Y/N) sighed.

The two girls went downstairs to the dining room. Everyone except Hanji and Levi were eating. Hanji and Levi still were busy torturing Sannes. As (Y/N) sat beside everyone else, everyone became silent. Mikasa calmed everyone down by mentioning that things were okay between Levi and (Y/N). "Oi Connie?" (Y/N) called Connie out calmly while eating as Connie gulped. "Didn't you promise me to keep your mouth shut?" (Y/N) asked him in a calm tone. "Uh, you see, I felt that it would be wise to tell Levi Heichou since he told us about you... I'm so sorry (Y/N)! Please forgive me!" Connie looked scared to death. To that, (Y/N) smiled and said, "Seems like you actually made a good decision Connie. Levi would've killed me himself if I told him about it later. You really aren't as dumb as I thought". "Huh?" Connie said looking confused. "Well, I guess I'll take the last sentence back" (Y/N) remarked at that.

Everyone laughed at that except Jean, who made a serious face, looked straight at (Y/N) and asked, "So, you're already in first name basis with him.". Everyone including (Y/N) was thrown aback by Jeans sudden serious demeanour. "Why are you stating the obvious?" (Y/N) asked Jean calmly. She just didn't understand why Jean hated Levi so much. "You really never noticed me did you?" Jean sighed loudly. "Noticed you? Apart from you fighting with Eren constantly, misbehaving with your mother back in the trainee corps days and being called 'Jean-boy',and, recently complaining about how bad Levi treats me, what else was there to notice?" (Y/N) asked looking confused.

"You never noticed that I never fought back when we sparred back in the trainee corps days? Or the fact that I always helped to point out the dummy titans in our combat training exercises and I always happened to be around you? I even complimented your hair the first day we talked! I complained about Levi because I was worried that he would hurt you! But of course, you got together with him even if he probably never showed any positive feelings towards you! Instead of asking you if you're okay after being kidnapped, he blamed you for everything! And you got knocked up by that guy. How do you even know that he wont leave you later?.." Jean stopped when he noticed the sympathetic look on everyone's face except (Y/N)'s, who's eyes looked like she was pleading someone to spare his life.

Looking at the direction everyone was looking at, Jean sighed and stated, "Levi Heichou is standing behind me. Right?". "Yes he is. Muck the stables till your hands get raw. I'll cut your hands off if I find a spot tomorrow. Don't even think about dinner tonight. If you can, spend the night with the horses. After all, you look like one too." he heard Levi's voice from behind him. "Hai!" he shouted nervously as he got up and saluted and went for the stable.

Levi sat down for dinner with Hanji joining us a while later. She revealed the idea about making the other military police they caught read a script because Sannes wouldn't talk. The idea was already implemented before they came for dinner. The rest of the dinner went quietly because no one was brave enough to talk with a pissed Levi around. Everyone went to bed after dinner except Levi and Hanji, who went to get Sannes to talk. (Y/N) decided to go to bed but instead went to the stable to find Jean. Jean was muttering curses at Levi while cleaning the stable when (Y/N) found him. "Jean?" she called him out.

"Sorry about my behaviour during dinner." Jean muttered. "It's okay. I'm sorry that he got you into this." (Y/N) apologised too. After an awkward silence, Jean spoke up saying, "I still want to know why it was him instead of me.". (Y/N) looked right into Jean's eyes and asked him, "What would you do if I talked to you about my past? I killed that garrison soldier because he tried to take advantage of me. I spent seven years underground in a brothel. I was five when they made me serve customers. How would you comfort me from that?".

Jean was taken aback by (Y/N)'s sudden confession about her past as well as the question. "Well, I would tell you that I'll protect you from anything like that. I'll make sure you forget the bad past with an amazing future." Jean replied after thinking for a while.

"This is the reason why I chose Levi. He never promised me a good future or protection because he knows the future can't be decided. He never said that he can make me forget my past because anyone who lived in the underground knows that you can't forget that place. What he said was that I'm strong enough to protect myself now and that's what matters. He taught me to be stronger even if that hurt me. That's why I'm alive today. He shouts at me because he cares and doesn't want me to make mistakes. If he wasn't serious about me, he wouldn't shout at me for making a good decision. He only did that because he was worried about me and the...baby." (Y/N) answered softly.

Jean didn't know how to answer to that because she was right. "I'm sorry Jean. You deserve someone who isn't as complicated as I am." (Y/N) told him with a sympathetic smile. "You're right. I wish the best for you. Can't say the same for Levi Heichou though since he's killing me here" Jean chuckled. To that, (Y/N) got her hand in her pocket and pulled a bread out. She got that from the kitchen for Jean on her way out. "Here, take this as an apology in behalf of Levi. I had to steal it from the kitchen" (Y/N) said as she handed the bread over to Jean. Jean took the bread, muttered a thank you and before he took a bite, the stable door opened and Levi stepped in and said, "That was a wonderful speech but I still can't allow him to eat. That's part of the punishment.".

Jean quickly tried to hand the bread back to (Y/N) but she looked at him and said, "No. Keep it" before turning back to Levi and saying, "It will take a while for him to get done with cleaning the stable. We don't want weakened soldiers in case of any sudden attacks.". Levi looked at her for a few moments before answering, "You're right. However, Hanji and I have an announcement to make. Jean, meet us at the dining room when you're done eating and cleaning yourself up". To that, Jean muttered an okay and waved at (Y/N). (Y/N) smiled at him and waved back.

On their way back to the dining room, (Y/N) asked Levi, "Now that you know why I chose to be with you, I want to know why you chose to be with me.". To that, Levi chuckled and said, "Pregnancy is getting you soft. The (Y/N) I knew would've never asked that". "Right. So soft that I killed 5 people in 7 minutes." (Y/N) scoffed at that. "Were those the people you gave you those marks on your neck?" Levi asked with a dark tone. To that, (Y/N) answered, "Yes.". "Well, that's a job well done for beginners. Try to make it in five minutes next time. If you didn't kill them already, I'd have done it and fed them to dogs." Levi told (Y/N) in a monotonous voice. A frown formed on (Y/N)'s face as she told Levi, "You still didn't answer my question".

"Well, I wanted to be with someone who has a high chance of survival but isn't some shitty housewife too because I want to be with someone who can keep up with me. Other than that, I guess I wanted someone who would understand what's in my mind without me having to dictate everything." Levi answered to (Y/N) before asking, "The things you told Jean, were those true?". Before answering to Levi's question, (Y/N) mocked him by saying, "Seems like my pregnancy is making you soft too. That isn't the Levi I know" with a chuckle. Levi made his usual grumpy face at that and said, "Shut up and answer the question". " Yes. That was true." (Y/N) answered.

They reached the dining room. Hanji and Levi announced that the Reiss family was the true Royal family. Sannes confirmed it. Everyone was shocked by the news specially because no one ever imagined that Historia is the true heir. Hanji also mentioned that Eren could be eaten. Mikasa cringed at the thought and tried to get out of the room. Levi talked some sense into her about how going on a rampage won't work. It was planned that Levi squad would move to one of the Reiss family lands at dawn and Hanji will immediately go to Erwin with Moblet to give news about Sannes's confession.

When we were done, Levi and I returned to our room and a while later, both laid down on the bed, together. A few moments later, (Y/N) noticed Levi's hand run into her hair, gently patting her head as her face was on his chest. "You've done really well, (Y/N). I'm proud of you." he sighed. An uncharacteristically huge smile formed on (Y/N)'s face as she muttered a "Thank you" before passing out.

[AUTHOR'S NOTE: I felt like I should explain the timing of everything that happened since it all happened in one day.

3:00PM-(Y/N) got kidnapped

4:00PM-Levi questioned Reeves

5:00PM- (Y/N) escaped the military police.

6:00PM- Sannes and Ralph were kidnapped

8:00PM- (Y/N) arrived at the safe house.

9:00PM- Hanji arrives at the safe house

10:00PM- Dinner is set, Hanji and Levi tricks Sannes.

10:30- Dinner is over. Sannes confesses immediately. He is sent to share a cell with Ralph. Levi says Hanji to report to everyone about Sannes's confession and goes to look for (Y/N)

11:00 Hanji sets out with Moblit to give the news to Erwin. Everyone else goes to bed.]

To be continued...

Taglist: @reality-is-often-disappointing, @kingtamakimurder

[wanderingsofal]

Can you tell me (in general, not asking for specifics) what you do for your job and how fulfilling it is other than current uncertainty? I've never had a career, only part time work but I'm 30 and I have no idea "what I want to be when I grow up". Plus the only jobs I can ever think of as possibilities are retail, which are ಠ︵ಠ. I'm just looking for some insight from people I admire to get some direction. (If this is too personal a question I understand, so please dont feel pressured to reply.)

Hi! Thanks for asking! I’ll try to answer, though I’m not sure how helpful I can be - my career has been a series of just sort of ‘falling into it’ situations that led me to a job I honestly love, even with all the uncertainty.

My current position is pretty new for my agency. Technically, I’m an analyst. There’s several thousands of these sorts of positions if you’re looking at the job title, however they aren’t all the same. Most will involve some sort of data analysis/data science, but that’s where the similarities end. 

For mine, I’m on a tech team for my agency, where we oversee the modernization of its programs and practices. As in, we upgraded the old MS DOS (a code language widely used in the 70s) systems into more modern languages with more capability. As someone who came from “the field” I oversee some of these projects as a subject matter expert, giving advice and guidance to the developers and making decisions on what features to add into the finished program. I also build reports on the data from our programs - anywhere from reports that go to our Fraud division to try and root out people who are taking advantage of new immigrants, to scheduling reports sent to upper management to show how well our field offices are doing in getting to all of our applicants in a timely manner. 

But the best part, the part I really really love, is that I also get to build some of these programs. From smaller local programs utilizing Microsoft Access, to large-scale web applications using more advanced coding languages. There’s just something about being able to sit down and sketch out what a program will look like, then see it taking shape under your fingers. I realize this will sound odd to a lot of people, but there’s a sort of high in building a button, then clicking on it, and watching your program do exactly what you told it to. 

I love working with code. It’s a different sort of ‘creation’ to writing or drawing, but it’s creation just the same. It’s taking a bunch of letters and symbols and lining them up exactly right so that something happens just when you want it to. It’s seeing something in your head, and then making that vision come to life. Code is logical. There is no grey area in code. There is just what works, and what doesn’t. And if your code doesn’t work, then you have to find out what’s wrong. There’s very little you can’t do with coding (inside of a computer at least). The only real limit is your imagination. 

Oh, I’ll complain (and have on here a few times) about losing commas or parenthesis, and spending hours looking for that one lost quotation mark. That’s an aspect of it too, yes. But even the mundane and sometimes tedious tasks are worth it when I can turn in a finished website that I made, and know it will be useful to someone. 

It’s worth it to note here that I do not have a Computer Sciences degree. I have a degree in Japanese. I taught myself nearly everything I know about coding, up until about a year ago when I started taking a class on a newer coding language so I could use it at work. Most code development uses an astonishing amount of google. I’ve heard a lot of senior developers say that to get good at coding, all you really need to do is know how to use google effectively.  

Before this job I had essentially the same job title, but I spent most of my time doing scheduling for interviews, and some minimal data analysis on what we needed to do to keep up quality service to our applicants. The job itself wasn’t fulfilling really - it was long hours, and pretty stressful due to the large workload and the fact that I was hired at a really bad time when the rest of the team had quit. But it was worth it because I was working to schedule asylum interviews, meaning I was helping people who desperately needed it. I likely wouldn’t have left that job if this exact position I’m now in hadn’t come up. 

And before that, my first “real job” outside of the Peace Corps, I was an office assistant. I answered email inquiries, did file management, and basic paperwork. It was boring. There was absolutely no mental challenge. But I found ways to do things I was more interested in. I modernized our spreadsheets and found better technical solutions to our case tracking issues. I was usually bored out of my mind, but there’s something to be said for an honest eight hour day with no threat of working late or being forced to come in early, and where you don’t take your work home with you. It wasn’t a good fit for me, but it was a great fit for some others I knew. 

I think the best advice I can give is just to start somewhere. Even if you have to take a less exciting job right off the bat. Everyone has to start in the less exciting jobs usually. But pick a company or an agency you want to work for, and get into an entry-level position. As you learn about the company, you’ll see more of the positions they offer, and figure out what you want to try to be. Then, if you have good supervisors, they’ll help you get there. That’s what the “boring” entry-level jobs are for - to take in new talent, and let them experience what life at the company is like while still doing necessary work. The good supervisors for those positions will be all about helping you grow your career and finding what path you want to take. 

From there, find the good people and follow them. That’s what truly makes a job good or bad, I’ve found. If the people you work with are good and honest and kind, then your job will be enjoyable. If the people you work with are mean or catty or closed-minded, it makes the job that much worse and even a dream job will become terrible in the long run.