#honestly sometimes i think what else can i do might be my favorite song i'm listening to it nowwwwww

[x-liv25-jamieswife]

tig characters/couples as ts songs - rebecca and tolerate it

not only is this my favorite taylor song ever, but it's also a song rebecca would relate to. i've been wanting to make this post ever since i first read this series because i immediately thought of this song when i first met rebecca in the books. its been a while since i first read the books, but i'm currently rereading them so...

too lazy to proof read (as always)

"i notice everything you do or don't do you"

rebecca spent her entire life looking after emily from the sidelines, watching her, trying to be like her etc. she knows everything there is to know about emily, but emily doesn't know her the way she does her. not only did she never even make an effort to, but she also convinced her that, out of the two of them, she was more worth knowing. rebecca's parents grew up dotting on emily while rebecca was forced to watch them pretend her away. emily is who rebecca wishes she was.

"you're so much older and wiser and i use my best colors for your potraits... and watch you tolerate it"

emily tended to convince rebecca that she knew best, and that her needs were more important that hers. rebecca couldn't date thea because she wanted to please her sister, but what about her? although the older part doesn't apply, the way emily acted around rebecca (based on the interactions rebecca told avery about and stuff) makes me think of the way an older sister/brother might make their younger siblings feel lesser than or like their opinions don't matter. emily wasn't older, but she acted like she was, and made rebecca seem childlike (at least to me) (i can imagine her telling rebecca things like 'are you stupid, listen to me, i know what's best for you, people won't like you if you do this). emily's a master manipulator and it honestly wouldn't surprise me. rebecca clearly felt the need to prove herself to her sister. she made rebecca feel so insignificant and unworthy that not even her hair was hers. rebecca referred to it as 'out hair' when talking to avery because she can't ever have something for herself.

rebecca tended to ignore all the red flags because emily is her sister. thus, using her best colors for her portrait. emily would give her all of this advice and tell her she knew best, making rebecca sort of look up to her in a twisted, sick way. emily was so above rebecca in bec's head. not even emily's manipulations and hurtful comments and actions could change that.

rebecca felt the need to impress emily because of all of this, but emily didn't care. she was number 1, and rebecca always came second to her, no matter what. nothing rebecca did or said ever impressed her.

"i take your indiscretions all in good fun"

like i said, rebecca would ignore all of her bullshit and wrong doings because emily convinced her she was lesser than her. when you love someone so much, you tend to ignore the red flags because you don't want to admit to yourself that this person is actually no good, and you should leave them behind (like how people in abusive relationships sometimes have a hard time leaving their partner). rebecca couldn't imagine a life without emily in it.

everyone around her thought so highly of her, so why shouldn't she? if everyone else could forgive her so easily, why shouldn't she? emily's her sister, and admitting that she doesn't really see you as one and just sees you as an extension of herself is hard to admit to yourself. admitting that means accepting that you never meant anything to your own sister.

"while you were out there building other worlds where was i"

this is sort of the turning point for her. after emily's death, it became easier for her to accept that emily was a horrible person and hurt everyone around her (this is due to her seeing the destruction she caused in gray and jamie). emily got to live whilst she had to stand on the sidelines watching because "emily has a heart disease, she deserves it" or because "emily probably doesn't have long to live, but you do, so this is her time to shine". emily's death and her parents' reaction to it was sort of like a catalyst. her love for emily sort of turned into hatred, making her feel guilty because no one should hate their sister. she realized that she also deserved to live and that not everything emily says, goes. emily ruined her childhood, and her death is what made her realize this.

"i made you my temple, my mural, my sky, now i'm begging for footnotes in the story of your life"

i mentioned this before but rebecca grew up looking up to emily. she thought she was amazing and accomplished and everything someone should thrive to be. emily didn't think of rebecca the same way. she was conceited, stuck up and had this superiority complex. whilst emily meant everything to rebecca, rebecca meant next to nothing to emily.

"always taking up too much space or time"

this could be seen two ways. taking up too much space in her parents' lives or emily's. her parents were always dotting on emily, and completely ignored rebecca. she couldn't ask for anything without feeling like she didn't deserve the attention. this also applies to emily in the sense that emily had all of these things going on in her life, and she didn't really want to spend time with rebecca. she just liked to get her to do everything she wanted her to (she liked knowing she could manipulate the people around her to do what she wanted them to) rebecca needed her sister in her life, but emily didn't need hers.

"what would you do if i.... took this dagger in me and removed it"

rebecca finally starts to realize that emily is just a sick manipulator who doesn't deserve a second thought. she wants to get her out of her thoughts. she wants to forget about her and rip the dagger (that is emily) out of her mind. even now, after her death, emily is still managing to control her. the thing about being stabbed is that, by removing that dagger, you are basically harming yourself by letting yourself bleed out. that is why doctors recommend you to not remove the dagger when you get stabbed in order for you to not die of blood loss. the same applies to emily. by removing emily from her thoughts, she's removing her from her life. that isn't something you'd want to do to your sister even after her death and destruction. by forcing herself to let go of her sister, she's causing herself more pain because letting her go, even after all of the pain she caused her, is unfathomable to her. she can't live without her no matter how sick that is. rebecca has never really been her own person (she's always been an extension of emily), so, without emily, who is she? removing the dagger (emily) is removing a crucial part of herself. rebecca has always been emily 2.0 and not rebecca. the current rebecca is a creation of emily's.

this one was honestly super fun to make. i loved putting myself in her shoes and writing this. it's also made me hate emily even more.. hope you guys liked this (i'm really proud of this one).

[autisticempathydaemon]

hi hi !! I was wondering if I could have one of the redacted match ups? it's such a cool concept to be putting on ^^

What song are you fixated on at the moment? What lyric or verse, and why?

I believe the song I would go with would probably be Francesca by Hozier, or Unknown/Nth by Hozier. The Bridge to Unknown is probably my favourite because it's such a like emotional lyric. It depicts the story of someone willing to do anything for someone who doesn't love them back.

"Do you know I could break beneath the weight/Of the goodness, love, I still carry for you?/That I'd walk so far just to take/The injury of finally knowin' you?"

Do you love gargantuan Youtube video essays, and if so, which is your favorite and why?

I wouldn't mind listening to a video essay, but I don't purposefully go looking for them! If the topic seems interesting I might click on it tho ^^

What is your go-to way to fall asleep?

Usually cuddled up with a teddy and listening to a sleep aid ^^ there's only a few times that I pass out a few minutes after laying down/with no help. My favourite sleep aid to go to is Ollie's gaming sleep aid where he's playing MK (I have trouble with the "traditional" sleep aids because its too quiet)

If you had to change your name, what would it be, and why? (In tandem, if you have changed your name, why did you pick that one?)

I won't say what name I chose when i first found out I was Enby because it would (potentially) give me away but the reason I chose it is because it tied multiple parts of my interests together. It felt fitting for that reason. Plus, when ppl hear my name they can usually see that I picked it myself and know that I'm queer as hell so.

What is your favorite of Redacted’s audios, and why?

I adore Milo's "getting ready" video (getting dressed up for your feisty werewolf boyfriend), it always makes me feel very special ^^ I also just adore Milo in general (probably my top fav). I also really enjoy the imperium series as it gives us a different side to the boys we love sm.

What Redacted boy holds no appeal to you, and why? Like, not the one you hate but the one who you don’t get the hype for. (I won’t judge, I promise.)

I think that one of the boys I don't understand the hype for is Lasko (though, he's slowly growing on me now). I don't know what it was about early Lasko but he just didn't scratch that part of my brain for the longest time.

Tell me about that one book/movie/tv show you know all the words to.

Oh gods I could go one about this. I would have to say the percy jackson series (and Heroes of Olympus) as that is a series that has stuck with me since middle school. Though honourable mention to Tangled (the movie) because oh how I love it so

Which Redacted boy are you platonically attracted to? Like- forget dating, which dude do you want to be your best friend?

Guy, honestly. Like don't get me wrong i would date him too, but if we're talking friendship he seems like a pretty cool dude.

Do you have a go-to thing you ramble about when you’re tired, and if so, what is it? (For example, my boyfriend knows I’m ready to sleep when I start talking about space.)

The ancient greeks, my ocs, sometimes also space. I never really get to a point where I ramble all that often while tired, but if I'm tired and thinking about something you will hear about it.

Tell me your go-to gas station and drink combo.

Probably Circle K because it's the closest to my house and I usually go for a cherry slushie or orange crush.

Tell me about your favorite playlist at the moment. 

Probably the playlist where I compiled all the Epic: The Musical Songs, or one of my many oc playlists. I will say I do often listen to my spotify Daylist though, that usually brings me a great vibe

What’s your guilty pleasure media, and why?

Bear in the Big Blue House, because it was the show from my childhood. Also Grey's Anatomy because sometimes I like getting lost in the dumb drama on that show

And whatever else you think tells me about who you are!

ummm lets see, maybe that im a reader and creator. I love creating things and indulging in others creations so much its insane. I also don't have a strict like association with foods only being for certain meals. like pancakes/eggs and bacon are an any meal kinda food kinda deal. I'm also more of a night owl, though if I get enough sleep I don't mind being up at 5/6 am if its needed/gives me time to chill before the day "actually starts".

Thank you !!

So Avior went through HELL, a whole-ass hell, and made the tragic, Byronic hero’s choice to drag his lover back into that hell. That’s so Unreal Unearth-coded. That’s, like, textbook Hozier; that’s your man.

That’s half of it; the other half is that Avior is so Greek mythology, classics, Socratic coded. Like, he gives so much dark academic vibes, and he really rocks it. That’s a man who has strong opinions about Marcus Aurelius and Stoicism in the best way. Avior loves hearing you talk about Greek myths and philosophy and would be the kind of partner where you’d have lots of lively discussions on translations and interpretation of their literature.

Every day with him would be so lively; Avior is the type who’d be such a fantastic beta reader when you’re in need of him. He’s thoughtful, analytical but not cruel or harsh. The two of you just devour books, reccing things to each other constantly. Avior’d also be so fun to watch Grey’s Anatomy with in that he fucking hated it at first but he’s obsessed now. He would have a big crush on Dr. Yang, and who could blame him?

Song:

My feet are aching/ And your back is pretty tired/ And we've drunk a couple bottles, babe/ And set our grief aside/ The papers say it's doomsday/ The button has been pressed/ We're gonna nuke each other up boys/ 'Til old Satan stands impressed/ And here it is, our final night alive

I love this song and how fantastic, longing, romantic, and tragic it is. It’s a little more Imperium than Prime-coded but no matter the universe, the vibes of holding onto one another as the sky falls to pieces around you will always suit you and Avior. (This is my favorite version but I also recommend the Matt Maltese original.)

Runner-Ups:

Anton is a runner-up because he also gives tragic academic vibes but not as fun for you, you know? He reads all the same classics but doesn’t have as many strong opinions about them. Blake is your other runner-up because he’s also incredibly Hozier-coded to me but like in a derogatory way.

note: thank you for waiting and submitting 💌

Read this post and send me an ask if you’d like a match-up of your own! 💌

[boybandbaby]

Grown Ups Grow Apart

Pairing: Bestfriend!Eddie x reader, Eddie x Steve, Eddie x Reader (It's a mess all over honestly.)

Summary: Eddie and you are best friends but things become complicated over time.

Word Count: 4K+

Notes: I was high when I thought of this but sober when I wrote it. All mistakes and confusion are mine lol. I just kept writing whatever my mind came up with so this might be super confusing. I might make a part 2 or series if there's a demand for it. This is a modern au. THIS WAS INSPIRED BY THIS SONG

Warnings: cuss words, mean words between Eddie and you/ reader, if there's anything I missed please let me know.

I saw your picture in a box last night

Seems I'm always unpacking, yeah, I moved again

Did I tell you that?

It got me thinking

I've been missing you, thought of calling you

Yeah I wanted to

But I got anxious 'cause that's what adults do

And they start looking back

Don't you hate that

You were currently packing up your room, moving back to Hawkins by the end of the week. You had grown up there most of your life and had to move right after your senior year of high school. Now you were in your mid 20’s, headed back for a new job.

As you packed you decided to throw out things you didn’t want or need. This meant you had to go through every area and item you owned. As you reached down under your bed, you pulled the box you had shoved there the day you moved in about 5 years ago. The metal lunchbox covered in stickers of well known bands and local bands that you had seen with Eddie. Eddie. Your best friend or ex best friend from Hawkins. You hadn’t seen or spoken to him since the night before you left.

The Polaroid was the last picture of you and Eddie together. You were in your cap and gown, arm around Eddie’s shoulders as you both smiled at the camera. Unfortunately, Eddie was held back so he didn’t graduate with you. You never judged him for it knowing all his childhood trauma and struggles. You wondered what he was up to. Was he still in a band? Did he still love d&d? That you assumed was still true. Was he single? How was Wayne? Did Eddie graduate? Did he finally move out of Hawkins like you both always planned? You selfishly hoped he was still in Hawkins and that you could see him. Hear his voice again.

You wanted to hear his voice everyday that you were away. You wanted to call him, apologize for the things you said and the way you left. Left him alone in a shitty town with shitty people who judged him. Made him feel like a freak and an outcast. The same way you treated him when you left.

Now you're weighing on my thoughts tonight

Can you explain this

How can you know everything and nothing about my life

At the same time

Time is crazy, I don't know where all my life has gone

I told you secrets, did you keep them, do you miss home

When you start looking back

To those basements and backyard dances

Our song, the front seat of my jeep

In love and taking chances

The night you looked at me and said

Time won't fly, I won't let it

Promise you won't forget it

The way that it is, the way that we are

'Cause kids grow up and grown ups grow apart

Grown ups grow apart, ah

Eddie knew everything about your life from social media and a mutual friend, Gareth. You and Gareth occasionally texted, never really being close but being friends when he met Eddie. Eddie knew what your job was and what you currently looked like and where you lived and sometimes hung out. What he didn’t know was the personal things like your daily routine, current obsessions, or even your favorite color.

He knows your deepest and darkest secrets, well your old secrets. He’s sure you have new ones and he’s almost certain you share those with someone else now (you don’t). The idea that you have a new best friend, someone you dance with, sing with, laugh with, cuddle with, hurts his heart. Those were things you were allowed to do with others but only saved for him. He was the only person who saw you freely be yourself. You’d sing with your chest and dance like no one was watching (Eddie was ALWAYS watching), laugh from your belly even if it meant snorting or wheezing out loud and snuggle up tight with him.

He remembered the last time you cuddled together. During the summer right after graduation. It was hot and humid but you both still snuggled up together. An old, raggedy blanket thrown on the patches of dirt and grass in Wayne’s backyard. It was the night you told him you were moving. Two weeks, he remembers. You were leaving in two weeks. He only had you for two more weeks. You both promised to always be best friends. Promised each other to text and call and write to each other and even visit when you could. None of that happened. Promises were broken and time flew. 5 years had flown by without a single moment of contact.

Do you remember summer '09

On my birthday

After dinner, you introduced me to the guy you liked

Now in hindsight

You're so beautiful, I was insecure and I won't lie

It was my birthday and I wanted him and I hate

That I could hurt your feelings like that, yeah

And I can't take it back

It was your 18th birthday. You and Eddie had made plans to go to dinner, somewhere outside of Hawkins to make a big deal out of it. It was the year you were officially becoming an adult after all and Eddie was proud of everything you accomplished this year even if you felt like you accomplished nothing. After, you would go to the store and scan the shelves and racks for things you would never buy with an ice cream or shake in your hand. Tonight was different. Eddie had said he had plans afterwards with a guy he liked. You knew Eddie was bisexual, he had told you he was unsure of his sexuality in middle school. He fully embraced it (between the two of you) during high school. You were the only person that knew.

So when you both stepped out of the restaurant after sharing a family size bowl of pasta, you were shocked to see Steve Harrington leaning against his car, arms crossed, waiting for Eddie. You had driven you both to the restaurant in your beat up Jeep, telling Eddie he had to finally let you drive and pick the music. He agreed as part of your birthday gift (the other part of your gift being Eddie’s presence and him paying for dinner).

“Y/n, you know Steve right?” Eddie smiled, awkwardly hugging Steve.

“Yeah, yeah I do.” You replied, looking at your shoes as you stuck your hand out. Of course you knew Steve. Who didn’t? You had found him cute since freshman year. You never told Eddie because you thought he would’ve made fun of you having a crush on a jock.

“It’s nice to meet you.” Steve smiled. God, he was handsome. The way his hair fell slightly against his forehead, his jeans hugging his thighs, his arms straining against his t-shirt. You wanted him. You wanted to steal him from Eddie. You didn’t want Eddie to have him. You were a horrible friend.

You began to get jealous when Eddie would hang out with you less during senior year. You began to get jealous when he gained more friends. People he and Steve had in common and who played d&d with him. You would shut him out when he did try to hang out or meet up. The loneliness made senior year emotionally more stressful but allowed you to focus on your plans for after. During the summer you spent a little more time with Eddie knowing you couldn’t use school as an excuse anymore. Then came the news that you were moving. You knew he’d be okay without you. He had more than enough friends to fill your absence.

The two weeks between you dropping the bomb that you were moving was filled with amazing moments between you and Eddie. You had began to cry as you laid on his chest but Eddie told you to stop. You still had two weeks he said. So you wiped your tears and made the best of the time together. Then, the night of your fight and end of your friendship.

You both were sitting in his van, hotboxing and listening to your shared playlist. A mix of both his and your favorite tunes. “I can’t believe you’re really leaving.” He sighed as smoke left his mouth. He took another hit before passing it to you.

“But we’ll still be friends right?” You smile softly, “and when you graduate you’ll come live with me somewhere far away and we’ll make a life for ourselves.”

“Right.” He snorted.

“What do you mean?” You passed the joint back to him.

“You think I’m getting out of here? I already flunked school once, it’s just going to get worse from here.” He brushed some ash off of his jeans.

“So what? It was a one time thing. You’ll graduate in another year and can be on your way.” You stopped his hand, noticing there wasn’t anymore ash to brush off.

“You’ve always been naive y/n.” He pushes your hand off his thigh. “I’m not smart like you. I don’t have a plethora of opportunities like you.”

“What are you even talking about? You’re literally so smart.” You pull your hand into your lap. “Remember when you scored higher than me on that history test? You didn’t even study, you just knew the concepts and stuff.”

“I guessed on most of the test y/n. Mrs. Borris thought I cheated remember? Even called Wayne and had us in the principals office.” He rested his head back against the window of the van, the velvet curtain giving him a small sort of pillow.

“You’re still smart in other aspects Eddie.” You shrug.

“I hate when you do that.” He groans and closes his eyes.

“Do what?” You glare at him. “Sit here?”

“You make me feel like shit when you invalidate my feelings.” He finally takes another puff and doesn’t bother passing it to you. “I’m telling you how I feel and you’re trying to tell me the opposite.”

“I’m not trying to make you feel like shit. I just think you’re hard on yourself when you shouldn’t be. You’re seriously one of the best people I know. You are smart Eddie. And really strong and such a hard worker. I just don’t understand why you have to put yourself down.”

“It’s because that’s how I feel. You’re leaving and you’re going to do amazing things. I’m here y/n. I’ll never leave this place.” You can hear the way his throat closes slightly, he’s choking on a sob.

“I’ll always be here for you Eddie.” You scoot closer to him. “And you have Steve and Dustin and Robin while I’m away. They’re cool people.”

“It’ll be easier for me when you leave. I don’t have to compare myself to you and wonder why you’re friends with me.” He says. That’s when you snap.

“Damn it Eddie! You’re making me feel like shit now! Why can’t you just accept that I love you for who you are and I love being your friend.” You groan, slipping your shoes back on. “It’s like I have to justify all my actions with you.” You crawl over to the metal door and open it, slipping out and onto the pavement. You turn back and he’s already exiting the van with you. “I’m glad I’m leaving too. I won’t have to hear your shit anymore.”

“I’ll fucking help you pack if it means you get out of here faster.” He throws the joint on the ground and stomps on it unnecessarily hard.

“No need. I don’t want your nasty ass hands touching any of my stuff.” You growl. It was the only insult you could think of. “Wouldn’t want you anywhere near my stuff, you’d probably curse it with your Satanism.” Now you are grasping for straws. Anything that would hurt him as much as he’s hurting you.

“Oh so now I’m a freak? Just like everyone’s been saying?” He slams the back door not before grabbing your bag. “You’re pathetic using that as an insult y/n.” He tosses your bag at your feet. Good thing you didn’t have anything valuable in it other than your wallet and some gum.

“I’m pathetic? You’re the one who’s a legal adult and still in high school.” You pick up your bag. When Eddie doesn’t reply, you look up. His eyes are watery and his cheeks are pink with embarrassment. You’d always told him he wasn’t stupid or weird and told him not to feel bad about being held back. Now you were spewing every insecurity at him.

With a shaky voice he replies, “well you know what? I’m sorry that I’m your only friend. When you realize you’re lonely in a new town and have no one to talk to or hangout with, I hope you think back to this moment and how you ruined our friendship. I’ll be here with all my amazing friends who support me and think highly of me and you’ll be wishing you could call me. Lose my number when you leave.” He shakes his head and heads to the driver seat of his car.

“Oh yeah? Well, let’s see how many of those friends stay when they realize you’ll be holding them back. Just like you held me back all these years.” You shout and start making your way back to your car. Eddie hears it but doesn’t respond. He doesn’t leave when you do. Just sits in his car and sobs, thinking over everything that just went down.

-

Then the next morning, he second guesses himself. Everything he said and did. Was the entire thing his fault? Was what you said all true? He knows he has to go see you before you leave and hopefully talk to you. Maybe the weed fucked up both of your brains and just made you both say things you didn’t mean. Of course, Eddie wanted you to stay, he didn’t know how he’d survive without you. Yes, he loved his new friends and he wasn’t technically with Steve. Sure they’d went on a few dates but it really didn’t turn into anything more than that. No one knew him like you. As he quickly got dressed into something that didn’t smell like sleep sweat and weed smoke, he rushed to brush his teeth, wash his face and tame his hair. He then said bye to Wayne and rushed over to your house. He didn’t know what time you were leaving or even if you were still there. He hoped the latter wasn’t true.

Just his luck. The house looked abandoned and there were no moving trucks or your dented, ugly colored Jeep. Tears started to trickle down his cheeks as he parked the car. Maybe just maybe you were still here. He knocked on the front door as loud as he possibly could. After several minutes, he knew he was shit out of luck. You were gone. You hadn’t even said goodbye like you promised two weeks ago.

-

You made the drive back to Hawkins, still in the same old Jeep you had before. You tried to make it look better but it still remained an ugly light silver, several scratches and bumps on the doors. The only new addition was a cracked window on the right back passenger window.

You’d found a decently priced apartment. A one bedroom with a bathroom that had everything you needed, a very small kitchen and enough space for at least a couch. It was livable and you knew you could make it home with a few touches of color and decorations. The apartment complex was along a busy street across from shopping center. There was a grocery store, a pho spot, an insurance company, a liquor store and a cash checking store. It wasn’t much of a view from your apartment but it wasn’t bad. You parked along the curb and grabbed a small box to take up with you to start the move in process.

Eddie was with Steve, Robin, Dustin, and Lucas scanning the grocery aisles for snacks for their planned movie night. His car was at the shop, needing a new battery and front brakes. He would be able to work on it between cars at work. Today was his day off though and Steve picked him up since his car wasn’t working which means he’s crammed in the backseat with Dustin and Lucas. Robin and Steve are inseparable and have to be in the front together. I mean Eddie and Steve have kissed, cuddled and fucked over the years but he’s still shoved into the back seat when it comes to Robin.

Once the gang had picked out everything off of the list, they strolled back to the car. Steve pushed the cart and Dustin hung off the side, making it harder to push. Robin and Eddie were tossing fruit snacks into Lucas’ mouth as they walked, occasionally throwing one at Steve’s head and hoping it gets stuck in his hair.

Before Eddie can throw another one, he spots your Jeep. He knows it’s yours. The same color and dents from 5 years ago. There’s a partially ripped sticker on your gas tank lid. You’d tried to take it off even with the help of rain but it wouldn’t budge. Eddie branded your car with a homemade corroded coffin sticker when he first designed the logo. Eddies slightly hurt that you tried to take it off but he’s not surprised since you’d unfollowed him on social media and refused to answer any calls or texts that he made the first month you moved away.

Before he can say anything to anyone, his feet carry him across the parking lot and towards your car. He has to dodge the traffic, curse words and car horns screaming at him along the way. You’re not in the car when he arrives. He’s pressed against the cracked window, taking in the boxes as he steps on the sidewalk.

“Get away from my car!” You rush over towards him, not thinking of how dangerous this could be for you.

He backs away and turns toward you. How you didn’t notice the long hair and leather jacket is beyond you. There’s a pause, a long pause, and then he’s breaking into a smile. The prettiest smile you’ve ever seen. He knew it was you. He’s strutting towards you before you can flee the scene. His arms wrap around your waist and he’s lifting you up into his chest, your toes barely holding you up on the sidewalk. He breathes you in, the scent of your hair (something similar to an aromatherapy essential oil rather than the fruity scents you went for in high school). He wonders what else about you had changed, did you still like your favorite ice cream flavor? Did you still have the same favorite pizza toppings?

“Hi.” You squeak out, not minding how he’s squishing you.

“Hi.” He sighs. 5 long years without this. No one’s hug’s compared to yours. Steve’s we’re strong and shy, quick to separate due to lack of touch throughout his life. Chrissy’s we’re short and sweet. Amanda’s (a random hookup from the bar) we’re tight and clingy, mixed in with a few kisses on the jaw. Anyone he had hugged had not meant as much to him as you therefore their hugs didn’t compare. “You’re moving back?”

“Yeah.” You smile, arms clinging around his shoulders. “I’m back.”

As much as he doesn’t want to let you go, he pulls back, his hands on your waist. He takes in your clothes, your hair style, your demeanor. It’s much more shy than he was used to. Are you shy now? Is that who you were? Or was it that he was now a stranger?

“I can’t believe you’re here.” He states, almost amazed that this is real. You’re really here. “You missed me huh?” He jokes, tries to lighten the tension.

“I did.” You say honestly. “Everyday that I was away.” You take a step back, his hands falling from your hips and searching for you again. “Eddi-“

“Don’t. Please.” He begs. “I-“

“I’m sorry.” You cut him off, same as he did to you. “I’m so fucking sorry.”

“No, no.” He shakes his head. “I’m sorry. I was such a sick. You didn’t deserve that and I ruined everything.”

“You ruined everything? Eddie it was all me. All me. It’s my fault we fell apart and I’m sorry.” Your voice wobbles with tears in your eyes. “I was a different person back then. I depended on you too much. I was jealous of you.”

“What? Jealous of me? How could you be? You’re this amazing person and I was a nobody.” He cups your cheeks, brushing away tears.

“You were everything to me. So free and fearless. So incredibly cute and funny and so many people loved you and wanted to be in your presence. You were everything I wanted to be.”

“You’re crazy! I wasn’t any of those things without you.” He kisses your forehead. “You are my best friend and I love you. I still do. After all this time, you’re still the person I want by my side through everything.” He smiles and runs his thumbs across your wet cheeks.

“I was so in love with you Eddie. A part of me still loves you. I’m so sorry.” You lean into his hand. “But you got with Steve and I was mad and it kept building when I would see you together. Then I thought he was hot and I wanted to fuck him and hurt you because I was hurt. I became this person who was capable of hurting my best friend and it wasn’t the person you needed in your life. Then I moved and I thought it would be what was best for you. I had no control over the move but I also didn’t fight it, ya know?” You rambled.

“There’s so much to unpack there and I don’t know where to start.” He laughs through his tears. Your hands rest in his wrists as he holds you close. “I’ve loved you. I always have. But you never seemed interested and I was exploring my sexuality. You’re right, Steve’s hot and all but we were both in a place where we just needed to experience things. We’re good friends now but that’s all.”

“I still hate you for that though.” You joke. “I know things are different now. I know we’re strangers but I need you back in my life Eddie. Whether that’s as a friend or lover or whatever. I just need you some way with me.”

“I need you too. I’ve always needed you. I’m not saying that to guilt trip you or make you feel bad, I just need you to know that I’m sorry and I love you.” He rests his forehead on yours.

“I’m willing to try to mend our friendship if you are. No bullshit or games.” You kiss his cheek.

“I’m not letting you leave me again.” He closes his eyes, “it hurt too much the first time. No one could fill that void.”

“I’ll forever apologize and try to make it up to you. You deserve love and happiness and all the good things in life.” You kiss his right palm.

“The only thing I want or ever need is standing right in front of me.” He smiles. He doesn’t kiss your lips as much as you both want him too. Instead he plants a kiss to your nose, slipping his hands down, yours follow with him. He laces his right hand with your left. “So? What next?”

“You can help me move in? And maybe stay the night?” You asks shyly.

“You sure? I mean, I may be trying to trick you and get payback for everything you did. I might try to curse every part of your place with my Satanism.” He shrugs and opens the trunk.

“Oh my god! Shut up! I’m sorry I said that okay!” You push his shoulder, laughing as he hands you a box. You’re both joking and laughing as if everything is the same it was years ago.

From across the street, Steve looks over at Eddie and meets Robin’s eyes. She had been watching him ever since Eddie left their group. He shakes his head as she gives him a sympathetic look. She says I’m sorry with her eyes. Steve says nothing as he gets back into the car and drives away without Eddie.

[khattikeri]

Mdzs for the shipping grid? 👀👀👀

YESSS here we are! v surprised at how strong my opinions are for this fandom but probably shouldn't be sldkfjlksd

**I COMPLETELY FORGOT THE YI CITY CREW ON THIS BUT I DON"T WANT TO DELETE THE IMAGE AND RE-ADD IT INKLDSFHKLDSJ so

- xue/xiao compels me and is in the middle of the makes sense line - song/xiao is closer to makes sense but compels me a bit less - song/xue/xiao is somewhere in between them.

further explanations of all other pairings under the cut!

quadrant by quadrant bc my explanations are Long for this one

out of the way: wang/xian undoubtedly peak! xuan/li v cute, love em. xi/yao is my favorite of the possible 3zun pairings, they're just too juicy and such good narrative foils to wang/xian...

nie/yao is also fun to me because of how much tension and strife they have.

i like nie/lan the least of all possible 3zun pairings just bc i like the conflict jgy brings to the table LOL

even though zhui/ling is the most popular junior pairing i... am not a huge fan of it? they're not blood relatives at all but both are still family to wwx in ways that make me feel weird about them romancing each other. in no war/wens are good aus i'd be more into it...

jingzhui isn't on the chart but they're also both inner lan clan members. so. weird to me! i like ling/yi best. they banter a lot but still get along well as friends

i can see why people are compelled by wen ning and wwx. i love their fucked up codependency too. i just don't see it romantically

i also see why people might ship cheng/xian, i just sincerely think their relationship is most compelling as siblings or pseudo-family due to the social class tensions.

chang/mian is quite rare just bc both characters are so minor but like... god can you imagine all the jiang cheng & wwx parallels. pointing. those are their dads

sang/cheng is like... most of the time it feels very pair the spares-esque. BUT. they both have a lot of similarities underneath the surface and if people tap into that i do like it. BUT (again) i just really prefer it platonic. jiang cheng is like peak "this man is aroace and does not know what either of those words are" to me. celibacysweep and all that

sang/yao. honorable mention to my favorite fucked up ship that literally nobody ships (including myself!). i can't like em romantically, only enjoy the dynamic, but it's so fun to think about. like spy x spy but worse.

and finally stuff that i don't like

no real reason for sang/yu, i just don't see em that way. i'm too novel-only to like wen qing/jc.

LWJ/anyone else feels too much like blasphemy. similar to shipping hua cheng tgcf with people who aren't xie lian LOL

AND FINALLY. THE MDZS SHIP I LIKE LEAST. <3 </3 xi/.cheng

this is like peak pair the spares to me. they're literally coworkers. they're just two people who lead clans and only talk business with each other. they aren't friends, they don't even make smalltalk. their relationship is the equivalent of sometimes bumping into a linkedin connection at the grocery store. come on. COME ON. they have zero personal ties except for the fact that their brothers are deeply in love and have a torrid romance spanning decades

for lxc especially this just feels like such a weak ship to me bc you have TWO whole other people he has fascinating, actually existing dynamics with (nmj and jgy), and xi/yao especially has so so so many parallels to wang/xian. 3zun ships have so much angst and what-ifs and there's so much more meat to it.

see also my thing about jc just... honestly i cannot see him romantically working out with anyone. nobody. whatsoever. this is a man for whom romance is not the solution, ever

so i can't. it literally drives me crazy. i cannot make sense out of xi/cheng whatsoever it doesn't compel me one bit and it wouldn't be an exaggeration to say i hate it when there are other ships right there ahahahghdskljfdslk

[duck-in-a-thrift-store]

Alright guys here's the first room closeup (+ headcanons/notes), by popular demand:

~Mike & Will's room~

(Plz don't judge my choice of wall art I pretty much just picked it bc it matched the wallpaper colors and there weren't a lot of good options)

Ok so design details

I know yall see that blue and yellow, and the green in the middle. All very intentional. The bed w/ the yellow blanket is Will's & the one w/ the blue blanket is Mike's. They sit on the rug when they're having their little heart-to-hearts that the rest of the party never seem to be a part of for "some reason"

Also, these boys wear a lot of fuckin stripes, so. Blue and yellow striped wallpaper? Green striped rug? Idk man it was screaming byler what can I say

And then there's a record player or whatever on the dresser between them, bc as we all know Will is a music guy and Mike lets Will do whatever he wants even if that means keeping him up listening to his favorite song all night bc he'd never forgive himself if Vecna somehow got Will bc Mike made him turn it off*

*So, to explain what that's all about: after his repeated failed attempts with Max, One went after Will next bc y'know, lots of trauma, easy target, etc (at least that's what the mf thought, I'm pretty sure Will lowkey has powers or smthn)

(This happened before the start of the au btw so it's just sort of background info, it might be mentioned but it won't be happening in present)

But anyway Will almost got Vecna'd and it was partially Mike's fault bc they got in a fight, Mike said smthn stupid and Will ran off, we know the drill (Mike still blames himself for it even tho they made up & Will forgave him and is fine)

Mike kinda lost his shit, honestly I'm thinking in his terror he pushed El too hard to save Will (when she was already doing her best obviously bc that's her brother) and that was part of why they broke up bc even El realized he cared more about Will than her- Mike is pretty much the only one who doesn't know yet lol

And they all survived obviously but now they're both kinda extra paranoid about it and even though they've moved far away and One hasn't followed them they still worry that some day he might track them down, so they fall into a (compulsive) habit of playing Will's favorite songs on repeat

(I'm not giving you his fav songs bc first of all I can't even decide my own fav song and also it just feels really presumptuous like that's too personal of a thing for me to decide for somebody else. I take music very seriously & very personally ok. Funnily enough tho I am listening to "should I stay or should I go" at this very moment)

Anywho, moving along

That desk by the door is mostly used for coming up with new campaigns they don't want the others to spoil (it's ok for their roommate to have insider knowledge that's not an unfair advantage or anything and besides it just can't be helped y'know? /s) no but they do collaborate sometimes and they work so well together as storytellers that the others find it lowkey unsettling (Dustin and Lucas are used to it tho)

>tw: vaguely suicidal themes?

Someone, not thinking I guess, makes an offhand joke about them being on the ground floor so they don't have to worry about Mike jumping out the window, and Will, who somehow hadn't ever actually heard the whole "quarry story," asks what that's supposed to mean and then they very awkwardly have to explain and he's basically like "oh my god what the hell that's not fucking funny why would you joke about that" and for a while after learning about it he's extra conscious of any self-deprecating/self-sacrificing type shit Mike says

Also they have "crazy together" written somewhere in the room no one else will see it. It's uncertain where, or whose idea it was, or why they did it, but they did. Probably to sort of make the room feel more like it was claimed as *theirs* after having to move to a new house far away from familiarity, and as a reminder to always be there for each other when times are tough

[burr-ell]

so... 7, 12, and 22 for CR?

choose violence ask game

7. what character did you begin to hate not because of canon but because how how the fandom acts about them?

Oof.

I did not have a positive relationship with Scanlan for a long time. The annoying DnD bros, who absolutely fawned over him and over everything Sam Riegel said and did at the expense of everyone else, were not a ringing endorsement of his character. (Yes, that includes Matt Colville.) Like, first of all, none of y'all combined have the charisma that Sam has in his pinky finger; second, we get it, y'all wanted a horny bard self-insert to validate your insecurities, but I promise you this episode with great Keyleth moments can 100% stand on its own. I think 1x85 is a great episode because the conflict is nuanced; what I do not appreciate is the "Scanlan is a poor put-upon puppy who did nothing wrong and his friends were all big meanies". Like...way to miss the point, guys. (Also, the "You see, Scanlan IS the leader! Vex said so!" thing was so funny. So you agree? You think Vex's opinion carries more weight?)

Spending time away from that, without anyone shoving the character down my throat, has made me appreciate him a lot more. Honestly, I was surprised at how well TLOVM s2 really rescued his character for me, both because of episode 6 and because they really toned down a lot of what I found irritating about him in s1. (Could have done without the bondage flashback, but honestly, his kill with Mythcarver was so amazing that I'll let it slide.) His songs were great, and I really enjoyed his versatility throughout the back half of the season.

12. the unpopular character that you actually like and why more people should like them

I feel like Kynan might become more popular if he debuts next season (fingers crossed, please let it be Kynan and not Desmond I'm begging), but I do think he's a bit underappreciated. I always like seeing him utilized as part of the Riflemen in fics, but I kinda want to see more of his dynamic with the de Rolo family. He represents what a lot of Whitestone represents—breaking the cycles—and I think there's something interesting in how he finds a place of healing.

Also if he's in TLOVM he should be voiced by Ray Chase so that everyone from Loud Annoying and Very Annoying is on the show, I'm objectively correct on this.

22. your favorite part of canon that everyone else ignores

I love that Keyleth can be incredibly frustrating sometimes. Part of the reason I like Percy so much is that I can relate to his sense of pragmatism, but I genuinely enjoy that he and Keyleth argue about it. And I like that sometimes Percy is wrong, and sometimes Keyleth is wrong! I feel like people tend to ignore the fact that Keyleth can be really stubborn and naive and self-righteous, in part because people don't want to be perceived as hating on Marisha. But I appreciate Keyleth as a character so much more when she's allowed to have real flaws.

[horizonspurple]

Hi again😊

Thank you for all the information about fetlife:) I'm thinking about it, I think when it comes down to it I just don't like new things to much because they tend to give me anxiety:/ But it also sounds exciting.

I like that we like a lot of similar things🤭

My favourite kind of foreplay would probably be some witty/bratty conversation. It just does it for me🤭😳well I guess everything else evolves from there, but to me this part is very important.

I saw your post about your songs and I panicked a little because I haven't listened to them yet, but then when I tried, it turned out the links work for me☺️

And I guess the ask today is a bit unoriginal but do you prefer to give or recieve oral since you mentioned you like it as foreplay:)

Hope you have a nice evening.

-your sleepy anon

p.s. I almost forgot: I love love love your story. I love that you put in the sweet part in the end cause as a reader it's like recieving a bit of aftercare for what you read. You write really well:)

Heyyy

You're welcomee Ohh understandable, it gave me quite some anxiety at first as well And realise, you don't have to do it If you were to sign up you should only do it for yourself and because YOU want to However, since I know how anxiety can work, also realise that you can sign up and literally delete your account the same day if it's too much And remember you don't owe anyone anything on there, so if you get messages and if it's gives you anxiety feel free to just ignore them

Me too! I like discovering that and being able to chat about stuff we both like ☺

Oohh good one! Do you have any specific ways of being bratty/witty that you really like?

Oh noo sorry I should have added an update! We figured out that the links worked soon after I honestly didn't think anyone would really care or notice as the song sharing stuff doesn't get much interaction (I don't mind that, just like putting my favorite songs out there)

Nothing wrong with unoriginal 😇 Overall I prefer to give, I love making the other person feel good and seeing their reactions (and getting praise 🤭) might also be my service sub side that gets happy from pleasing others xD I do like receiving as well but it's something I struggle a bit with as I struggle with moments where the focus is on me

Do you have a preference?

Thank you! I hope you do too :)

Thank you 🥺 I think it's important to show what aftercare can look like realistically after sessions It's such an important part of kink but also sex in general And I do sometimes feel like there's a lot of intense writings out there that can be overwhelming to read with no attention to the importance of aftercare It's good to show people what kind of care they deserve and should be getting :)

[schoolbusgraveyard]

sobbing at [the big spoiler] so pls give me your tyler/sbg in general headcanons

heres some of mine: tyler was an ipad kid, logan has the biggest crush imaginable on tyler and likes flower sculptures, ben and aiden know basic sign language, taylor is an astrology geek and loves freaking out logan, and ashlyn has the worst joint and back issues ever which might as well be canon because she does ballet and as a former ballet dancer, THAT MESSES YOU UP

[pats your back and offers you tissues while you sob]

YESSS THOUGH (okay Tyler being an iPad kid is kind of funny in concept, but also if i think about it too much it makes me sad bc I feel like he had to learn a lot of skills at a really young age and ended up on youtube/wikihow a lot). I’m esp big on the Ben & Aiden knowing basic ASL--like yeah, Ben can just write or use his phone, but knowing even basic fingerspelling is so helpful when you’re nonverbal/can’t talk. That's always one of my favorites dfgdfg and same for the HC Ashlyn having a lot of joint pain--I've never done any form of dance but I've seen/heard the horrors, her having the worst back/joint pain sounds about right

I'll start with some Tyler ones and then kind of ease off into general SBG headcanons :D Under a readmore for length bc whoops this got a little longer than expected

(There are some vague spoilers ahead? But honestly, I’m p sure what I mentioned that would be a spoiler has been implied by a few episodes before the finale so)

Tyler can cook; so can Taylor, but he's a little bit more picky about how food prep goes and can get overwhelmed if anyone is in the kitchen with him and he doesn’t know what they’re doing/if they’re in his way/if they’re trying to talk to him a lot.

He will let Taylor help sometimes, though, especially if they’re both extra worried about their mom for some reason or something else is up.

He’s extremely meticulous about washing his hands/tools/cutting boards between ingredients. Even if everything he’s chopping goes into the same pot or pan, he’s going to wash that knife every time he switches to a new ingredient.

A lot of people don’t really think of it with how ~picky~ and meticulous he is with how he cooks, but he actually does enjoy it a lot. It’s grounding for him, helps him calm down (so long as nobody else is in the kitchen), and gives him a chance to think things through.

He's actually a lot better at cooking than Taylor. Nobody really expects it out of him.

He, Taylor, and their parents used to actually cook as a family. After their dad died, though, he took on the majority of cooking.

He and Taylor are vegetarians. This is oddly specific and holds no weight other than “they wore matching shirts with the name a now-closed vegan restaurant that existed in New York printed on them Once” but it kind of stuck w me after I pointed it out to my husband. I’m p sure he had a School Burger (definitely not vegetarian friendly) on his tray in one of the early episodes, but like [I Do Not See It.png]. Not sure if I have the headcanon that Mariana is also a vegan or a vegetarian, I kinda go back and forth with it a lot.

While his dad only taught him a few songs on the guitar, he would actually be really good at it, if he gave himself the time to sit down and work with it. I think he probably loved it a lot as a kid, but after losing his dad, it just kind of... Hurt to try to pick it up consistently again. If he's ever home alone or near one and alone, though, he'll absolutely pick it up and just slowly/carefully strum out a few notes or songs.

I'm p sure that it's implied to be canon based on One conversation he and Taylor had, but I'm completely saying that he prioritizes sports (especially baseball) because he's hoping he can secure a scholarship through it+essentially get a free ride to college and make shit easier on his mom. And also, y'know, make her proud.

He gets overwhelmed really easily in-general, and that contributes to a lot of his angry outbursts. Pressure stim (weighted blankets, weighted items in-general) are a godsend for him. He hides it pretty well, but after a certain point, he’ll start to get snappy--and it really just seems like it happens for no reason (but, y’know, he’s actually overwhelmed/under a lot of stress).

He also really just. Loves to hold hands with people that he's close to. He says it's so that they feel safer/more comfortable, but honestly, it's a mutual feeling. He feels safer with the people he loves/the people he cares about within arms reach.

He tends to sit really close to. Anyone that he considers a friend or family. Like, shoulder-to-shoulder with them. If they move away, he notices--and will try to remember that for the next time he sits next to them.

Taylor will also do this; it's something she kind of subconsciously picked up from her brother. She notices just as much as he does if someone moves away, but instead of just silently keeping a little bit of a distance, she'll actually ask if she can sit closer to them.

Ben loves this a lot, actually. Taylor is so physically warm (and also just generally sweet/understanding), and he loves having conversations with her, so he loves having her nearby. It’s convenient when she can see his phone easily/see what he’s typing.

Ben prefers traditional art, but he isn’t opposed to digital; he’s not used to using a drawing tablet yet, but he really likes the various tools and other features that come with it. Since his art is for him/a lot of it is art therapy, he doesn’t really post it or share it with anyone unless one of his friends asks.

Logan actually loves having his nails painted. At first, he was kind of worried (because of bullying, his grandparents, just generally afraid he couldn’t pull it off, worried about ruining his nails while working in the greenhouse, etc.), but after he heard Aiden and Taylor talk about it, he was like... Huh. Maybe I could try it. He doesn’t really like experimenting with colors or designs--he likes a lot of neutral tones (specifically dark browns), but Taylor did convince him to try a really warm orange shade once and he loved it.

When he gets extremely embarrassed, Logan will hide his face in his hands. Unfortunately, in these moments, he usually forgets he has glasses on, so those get dirty or he accidentally jabs the nose piece against his eye.

Aiden doesn’t paint his own nails often, but when he does, he goes for the brightest, most eye-straining colors. Like, the brightest neons ever.

Aiden sneaks out often, much to Ben’s panic. He tries to sneak out without Ben noticing/after Ben falls asleep, but. This happens more as the weather gets cooler/colder. It stopped happening as much after the Savannah trip, but he still slips out every now and then (and has, at least once, narrowly made it back in through his window before midnight)

Ashlyn keeps their group chat labeled “them.” Not out of any negative feelings towards anyone in it, she just can’t be bothered to change it or think of any new name for it. It’s kind of growing on her though, it’s almost endearing now.

I’ll throw One in about the parents but this has gotten a lot longer than I initially expected dfgdfg Emma is so nervous around Logan’s grandparents. She already kind of struggles socially--she isn’t the same level as Ashlyn, she’s more indifferent and “eh, if I talk to someone, I talk to someone”--but man Logan’s grandma unnerves the absolute hell out of her. She just seems so intense to her.

[itspvg]

Thank you as always for tagging me @hunter-sylvester

tea, coffee, or soda? I would drink all of these. The Coffee and the Soda are more regular than my tea consumption. I guess sometimes tea falls by the wayside because the most common tea here is just "default flavour" and my brain for some reason can't focus well enough when in a supermarket to check and look at the aisle with enough time to work out what I want to try outside of the norm.

dogs or cats? Dogs are my default due to the fact I grew up with them. I loved my dogs and still to this day will think about them both daily. However I do find myself longing more and more for a cat as well. I guess in some sort of ideal situation, I'd one day have a home where I'd have both at the same time. It's blissful thinking but I'd love that. They would also have stupid names. They can't have senisble ones.

can you play an instrument? I guess a few? Like I can play guitar and Bass. Kinda both in the same realm of musical knowledge but I guess those are separate instruments. Been a while since I have though. There was also a time I used to play Clarinette. That was far into my past though. I doubt I would have the ability to even remotely play one these days. Long gone are the ages I worry about the disgusting taste of a reed.

what's your sun sign? I'd need to google such a thing. Personally the idea of signs and the "power" they hold are completely stupid to me. I dispair the idea of them. I see people unironically claim "I'm a 'this sign' hence I done this thing". No you done it because you wanted to and if it was a bad thing. No "sign" is responsbile for you being a piece of shit. Only you are.

first song lyrics that pop into your head? “Forget why I came here and forget why I stay. And wonder if they'd notice, if I slipped away." - The Midnight, River of Darkness.

do you have any tattoos? Current I have none. Not for lack of desire. But for lack of ideas I can really comit to or have money for.

favorite place you traveled? Germany. I have been to Berlin a few times. And I would love to journey back there. But there are also other places I would love to see. Maybe in time and if money permits I can see more.

what's the last movie you watched? I am struggling to remember the last one. I watch movies rarely. I find it hard to watch a movie alone and at times if I am lucky for spend time with folk to watch one. It usually ends up in batches at a time. So honestly. I am struggling to remember.

what languages do you speak? English. I sadly do not know others as much as I wished I could. My dyslexia is a massive road block into that and while some folks have tried to teach me short phrases and what not. And I appreciate their efforts. My brain just struggles.

do you have any hobbies? Gaming, Streaming, Reading (when my brain will let me). Beyond that I think I might be a frightfully boring person sadly.

you can hang out with one fictional character for an hour, who do you choose? I am struggling here. A lot of the charcters I like or have interests in are usually damned by some sort of canon or have very specific objectives they are striving for. So the hour's time limit seems to be blocking my ability to choose one because I fear that's just an hour or them either complaining they can't proceed with their desired objective or having every thought consumed by it. And I just can't imagine I that would be something I would find any joy in. Sorry if that is a really grim and shit answer.

compliment yourself: You try to be a better person than you are and that's better than some you've known.

No pressure at all to do it but I am tagging: @nemobeatrice @miraakswhore and anyone else that would be interested. Please by all means do it!

[thisisnotourlasthunt]

Hi there! For the ao3 wrapped:

3. What work are you most proud of (regardless of kudos/hits)?

6. Favorite title you used

27. What do you listen to while writing?

29. Favorite line/passage you wrote this year?

Hi! Thank you so much for the ask <3

3. This one was quite hard to choose 'cause I've been having a hard time with writer's block this year so I'm proud of actually finishing my stories. BUT if I had to choose, it'd be The Aftermath (despite having not finished and having a major writer's block on it rn) or When I'm Feeling Down, You're Always Around for the irondad fandom and So Much Younger Yesterday for the AFTG fandom. They had aspects I'd never written so it was interesting to get out of my comfort zone.

6. I'd say When I'm Feeling Down, You're Always Around 'cause I had absolutely NO idea what to put as a title and then the song Butterfly by Sody started playing and that verse fit really well with the fic.

27. Honestly, everything and anything. Youtube Music has this "My Supermix" feature where they combine what you have listened to in the past and the present and music the AI thinks you might like. I've found really cool songs through there. Sometimes, though, I feel a little bit too stimulated and can NOT write with music. It honestly depends on the day.

29. I think this one is much harder than the first question. This past year my writing has become more character study than anything else so there's a few good ones.

In When I'm Feeling Down, You're Always Around I ended up putting a bit of my own grief issues and ended up with this passage:

“I don’t think I got to mourn them completely, you know,” May continued in a whisper but much steadier than before. “I was so busy helping Peter through his grief that I only let myself cry once or twice a month. It’s like I created a wall around the subject, and by the time Peter was better, I didn’t even try to open the door to peek inside. I simply felt its heaviness but chose to ignore it. I guess today’s events opened the door, and now I can’t seem to shut it.” 

There's also this one from an unreleased rewrite of Serendipity that I'm currently working on. Dunno if it count's, but I'll count it.

For Mary, running was a necessity. Something they had to do otherwise they would be killed by Nathan. At the time, young Neil hadn’t realized it, but running became a constant. No matter where in the world they were, he could always get out from wherever they were staying and run around for a little while.

It was how his heartbeat quickened with every step he took, the way the air hit his skin and entered his lungs combined that Neil could find peace in moments of great stress. It was the only time Neil could feel like himself. No fake names, or fake backstories, or fake hair colors, or fake eye colors. He was himself. He had nothing to worry about except how far he could go before his legs gave out.

[kitausuret]

Yet another writing ask: 7, 9, 17, 36, 38! There's too many fun questions....

7. Favorite ao3 tag... Honestly? This might seem like a cop-out but, Established Relationship. It's my favorite to use AND to seek out. Like especially some ships, Peter Parker/Mary Jane Watson comes to mind, I don't really have any interest in reading or writing their getting together. Give me that married life. (This applies to other ships of mine too lmao just skipping straight to the domesticity like 🏃💨)

9. Thoughts on cliffhangers... mean but exciting. I don't typically end chapters on big cliffhangers, I think the only time I've done that in Dust to Dust was between chapters 4 and 5. Everything else has, at least in my opinion, been pretty reasonable? Like, oh it's the end of the day, time for the end of the chapter. Other people do cliffhangers a lot and I think they're fun especially if the fic is updating on a schedule. How people update on a schedule I have NO idea but kudos to them.

17. Past or present tense... past, past, past. Always past. Not sure why, I just always feel weird trying to write in present tense? Most of the books and literature I've read have been third person limited past tense (often with alternating POV) so I tend to write what I've read, since that's how I learned.

36. How do you come up with fic titles, and what's the one I'm most proud of... So, honest to god, lately I've been just snapping up either a line or a title of a song and calling it good. Like especially if I feel it has the vibe of the fic. Sometimes I've also just taken a phrase or saying and turned it around a little for the title. I have a few titles I'm very (or weirdly) proud of though lmao: - Put Your Best Foot Forward (a fic about... well, you can probably guess, because I think I'm hilarious) - Baby, it's -270.45°C Outside (the temperature of the vacuum of space, because. because the fic takes place in space.) - One Shy of a Royal Flush (because there were four of them... get it? *cymbal crash*) - Medal of Honor for Your Good Looks (a quote ripped directly from Amazing Spider-Man #574) - Careless of the Consequence (a line from one of my favorite RUSH songs, from one of my favorite albums, and I think that "Kid Gloves" is on both my Eddie and Flash playlists, so yeah, I liked this title. I think it embodies both these beautiful, stubborn idiots quite well.)

38. This never happened vs. this happened but fix-its... honestly I do both?? I tend to lean to the latter. Like when I do one of my many many MANY fics set after ASM #800 it's usually like, "Flash gets seriously injured BUT the Anti-Venom/Val/the Venom symbiote saves him", or in the case of Dust to Dust "Venomverse still happens BUT Mania and Venom develop a closer connection and she convinces Eddie to reach out to Flash". I think the closest I've gotten to just outright yelling, "nope, nope, nope" was Life is What You Make It where I completely overhauled Dylan's origin. I also have only 1 fic that acknowledges in any way shape or form the events of "Venom: First Host" and it will probably never get published, so I guess that's the other one I just close my eyes and pretend does not exist.

Thanks for all these super fun asks!

Ask me about my writing!

[deuterosapiens]

So, everyone has that one song, that just really, really gets to them. Their emotional song, comfort song, what have you. The break-up song, the make-up song, the "God I can't stop thinking about you!"-song. That go-to track that hits you just as hard the ten-thousandth time as it does the first because who you are as a person is directly changed from the moment you heard it first and who you were before is lesser than who you are after because music sometimes just does that to you.

It's beautiful, honestly, that anything can break us as much as music. That our entire existence can be completely rewritten because we heard one song at the exact right time.

I know they are just completely clichéd, cheesy in their stereotypicality, but here are a few tracks that for whatever reason mean too damn much to me. In no particular order:

It has nothing to do with Grey's Anatomy. I did, however, listen to this song for like a month straight after my first major breakup.

"And I don't want the world to see me/ cuz I don't think that they'd understand/ when everything's made to be broken/ I just want you to know who I am"- Yes, the song about being invisible and wanting people to finally know the you that you hide from everyone else is one of my favorite songs of all time. No, none of you are surprised. Gasp. Moving on.

If you aren't familiar with this song's history, it's upsetting and one of the most beautiful moments in rock history, to me. This isn't my "and I shed a single tear" song; this is my "if I think about it too much I'll be visually indistinguishable from a fire hydrant" song. It's raw and I wish our world weren't so screwed up that it was necessary to write in the first place. This one song's done more good, I think, than I not-insignificant number of other popular songs, you know?

I think this was the first "sad song" that clicked for me as a person, before I started actively looking for them. Before I realized how much other music I'd heard a dozen times before actually depressed me. Granted, my understanding of it has changed. But if you think about it, it does act as an interesting companion to "Hey There Delilah," but from the perspective of the one you're leaving behind it.

Yes, I'm depressed, moving on.

Yes, I like Donnie Darko, perhaps more so than a rational person. Moving on.

I like this song in companion with "Lean on Me," but seeing as this song appears in one of the most influential films of my childhood, it will eternally mean so much to me. It's also the song by which I judge a lot of artists. If you have the audacity to perform a cover of it, you had better be worthy of it. It's in the same boat as David Bowie's "Heroes", in that regard. If you cannot respect this song, don't touch it.

I think this is the newest track on this list. It's worthy of being here. It's perhaps lacking in subtlety, but I frankly don't give a damn. It's a beautiful song, and if it appeared to you as a popular recommendation on YouTube, it's because I looped it for like a month and have definitely made steps towards recovering from the place I was at that lead to me looping it like that in the first-place.

This is the song that introduced me to Patrick Süskind's Perfume. Perfume is, ad I've perhaps mentioned previously, one of my favorite novels of all time. It's not Nirvana's "Scentless Apprentice," but I owe this song all the credit that's due to it for that alone.

There's actually something of a story to this song that I might have shared already, but that I'm going to repeat here. I have no idea when I heard it originally, if it was just on the radio or something, but for a very long time afterwards I'd looked for it. I'm guessing it was a trailer for 127 Hours, which if I had known that's where it was that I'd heard it originally would have made the search so much easier. I didn't know any of the lyrics, nor really the rhythm or any feature of the song that could help. All I had was the distinct recollection of having heard something that I wanted to hear again. I've had false-positives with it: songs that felt almost right, almost like that one song that I had heard once. Think of it like the Tunnel Song from The Perks of Being a Wallflower: a song that was so right in the moment but you never thought you'd hear again. That changed you unexpectedly, but which you thought you'd never know again. The first false-positive was Deathcab for Cutie's "Transatlanticism," which I'd heard in the film Beastly (excellent Beauty and the Beast retelling, has NPH; go watch it now!), but this wasn't right. It felt right, but obviously isn't. The second false-positive was even more off: I have no idea how I read it even hazily as being close- perhaps it was just the pressure my mind was under every time I thought I'd finally found that damn song to be rid of the mystery. "Where is My Mind?" by The Pixies. Heard for the first time as the credits rolled in Fight Club. Flashed on but proven incorrect. Quickly proven, because it is even less similar than the DCfC track. I'd watched How I Met Your Mother before, and was extremely fond of the show, but I didn't watch the finale as it aired. Didn't have cable anymore, do after a lot of history that's not worth getting into, I bought the entire series on DVD (a format I still consider valid). One, two, three. Four five six. Seven. Eight seasons in, after Ted convinces Victoria to leave her fiancé (at the alter, dammit Ted!), he's having a conversation about what the experience of finding the One is like, of how you feel when you meet the love of your life and during this moment, this one song takes over. This one damn song that, after bouncing around in the back of my skull like an old screensaver for years plays. Not a false-positive because as soon as it starts, I know it. Klaus might have told Teddy Westside that he hasn't found his One yet, but dammit I have. There's peace, silence for the first time ever, as I no longer hear this one indistinct and unclear vague recollection of a memory of a song. I have found it.

[bredforloyalty]

for someone who has never really listened to oasis before, what are the most incesty songs?

i feel like i'm not the expert i'm just one of the disciples hxdgy but thank you for asking me <33 i hope i can offer something while demonstrating that i got my wits about me. for the most part. it's kind of an inherently contradictory pair of goals but i'll have a go at it anyway lmao 💪

i mean, it's just not easy to say because i've low-key been BAMBOOZLING you all and oasis is a band with very normal music and very normal members*. and for example that post that goes something like, noel writes songs and says they're about his wife and then the song is like 'brother our love is so forbidden run away with me' is, while really funny, a huge exaggeration obviously (💀🩷) but as i said tumblrinas have a god given right to delusions and to biased interpretation and all that!!! it's funny and good for the ecology of this site and i have that god given right and i do it too. so that's where i stand, take this with a grain of salt etc. also sometimes it comes alive with the context and not without it, you won't find an inbred by ethel cain here HXSGCY

now that i got my disclaimers out of the way; the obvious one and the one that i must have conditioned myself to have a funny painful visceral reaction to (because i didn't use to) is guess god thinks i'm abel, written by liam. i couldn't find an archived version of the 2005 mojo issue that this was in, but:

"It’s biblical innit,” explains Liam. “Cain and Abel… it’s me and our kid. Or me and you. Two people who are the opposite, who become one."

Are you holding an olive branch out to Noel?

“It’s nice to put a band aid on it for a bit, knowwhatimean? I love him, I adore him, more than anyone else in the fuckin’ whole wide world. But we also don’t speak that much. We don’t have to speak. But that song is basically for him. It’s like, shut the fuck up, give respect and you’ll get respect back. Life, brothers and sisters, that’s what we all want isn’t it, respect?”

i had already been listening to this since before uhh a few weeks ago or whenever it was that i got these worms, because. you would not believe which of my playlists had it. and by that i mean you could guess with great accuracy (i think i've been vocal about my beautiful journey with claustrophobic familial relationships and about what kick-started me in that regard). come on. and i'm an older sister i've always liked the abels of the world

oh and i should mention my sister lover! it's my sister lover

and then there's if we shadows, honestly might be my favorite.. just favorite, period. definitely is out of the more uh acoustic and less rock and roll ones. "nobody knows what's wrong except me and my brother"

+ acquiesce. i find this one funny because people assumed it was about the two of them, with "we need each other" and "we believe in one another" in the chorus, because noel sings that and liam sings the verses on it (and it's not often they share songs like that and it's like they're singing to each other). noel called this "total fucking bullshit" and said it's about friendship lol and another time he said liam assumed it was written to him but it's actually to his girlfriend

i'm outta time. another one by liam, i just wouldn't rule it out that he wrote it with someone in mind. and i'm sure he wasn't completely oblivious to the problems they were having before the break-up sooooo.. you know

live forever. i mean that was their career i would say, the high points must have been like that (about 9 minutes in: "on stage, i just want him. and it's only me and him. when he turns to me and i turn to him at, like, one guitar break or whatever and, like, we just both look at each other, and that's what it's about for us. [...] not like i'm fucking dissing the rest of the band or anything like that but it's only me and him"), looking over at your brother who is the other half of the band in a way the other half of you as well and knowing you've created something permanent and in that very moment too you're creating it together and you're on top of the world. sorry if that sounds insane ,, as i said , contextual, it's live forever well it's just live forever

*: gaze upon any insane mutual's (or my own) oasis tag and make your own judgment on this lol

[angeltism]

YEAH BEING ON ANON FOR A WHILE WILL BE FUN and i did stay up like a lot last night but don't worry about it im actually super used to doing that LMAO alright ALRIGHT TIME FOR THE QUESTIONS oh lord you cant add a read more in asks. uh. sorry to all aqua followers HSJSHSJHS

1- i think we share like a Lot of fandoms actually! basing this off of your extended media you know rentry btw. UHM im a huge huge fan of prsk, honkai star rail, tbhk, bsd, milgram, vocaloid, undertale/deltarune and i think that's it? i wont go into much detail about other fandoms im in because one specific interest of mine could give away the whole answer to my mystery to some of our shared mutuals JSHSHSHDH but aside from that one im also into enstars bandori and some other rhythm games! not really sure what else to add to that list honestly i forgot everything i have ever liked in my life, i also have many irls from those medias :3

2- honestly? i have been having the biggest labels crisis of my life these past few weeks so pronouns aren't something i really have the ability to specify rn, just use whatever you feel like at the moment and i will be more than happy! curious to see what your perception of my gender ends up being so i can get closer to an answer to my, uhm, current dilemma! HSJSHSHJSJSJ

3- OH UH ITS ALL VOCALOID I THINK i can't really say i have specific artists i like outside of that... maybe will wood and that's, really it. aside from just those two its all specific songs from different artists yeah. BUT IT'S DIFFERENT WITH VOCALOID BECAUSE I CAN KINDA DISCERN WHICH PRODUCERS I LISTEN TO MORE! also some utaites i listen to like a looot, one example is Ado! onto vocaloid producers my favorites ever are Syudou (producer of Usseewa!) and Van De Shop (producer of Pheles!), aside from those two i listen to like a lot more just not with that much frequency (its mostly just one specific song or songs i like from those producers. yeah)

4- i have like a gazillion but lately i have grown very attached to periwinkle blue!

5- FOR LIKE A MONTH OR SO? I HONESTLY DONT REMEMBER JSSHSJSSHJSH as for the reasons... in many ways i realized we are like extremely similar (mostly with the yearning and the love and all that yknow) and that just made me start feeling more and more attracted to you because hey! she gets almost all of the things i experience! and well here we are now

6- i can confidently say fried chicken is my favorite food in this whole wide world, as for sweet stuff im kinda. basic. yeah its chocolate HSJSHSJSHDH

- 💌 anon (honestly sometimes i get scared i might end up not pressing the anon button and then ruin the whole surprise. eek!)

LMAOOOO it's ok the mewtuals will forgive uu . they have to or else /silly j

although WOWW OMG YEAH WE DO SEEM KINDA SIMILAR ?? W taste in media and music and colors (<- loves blue . is it obvious ehe) and wowow for like a month . . . wowowowow . . . . that's honestly impressive n kinda endearing wow <3

also i'll purrobably be defaulting to they/them i suppose since idk . for me . i can't rlly assume genders esp for beings i know online ? like my brain soorta can sometimes but other times just . nope . n i can't rlly think if uu give me more masc or fem or just neu vibes . . . like loveletter anon is loveletter anon . to me . y'know . but i hope uu figure out uur identity soon , lol , i know questioning can be kinda eeeh to go through (<- started calling myself genderqueer/multigenderqueer to avoid trying to find out any specifics bc i'm just Me and i'm just Queer Of Gender and other than that idfk lol)

also fried chicken is so good . . . i can't rlly handle bone-in stuff bc of my sensory issues (icky gross for my brain) but flavor-wise it's soo good omg . i just have to like , cut/rip it off of the bone before i eat it . and chocolate is a simple but rlly good pick honestly . it's like 90% of the sweets i eat bc ice cream takes freezer space , baked goods need to actually be made , etc etc . . . ooo wait i'm curious do uu like dark , milk or white better . purrsonally i like dark n milk :3

[astraykidz]

aww i'm sorry the past few days haven't been too great but also!! so happy that you got to do something that cheered you up💖 (also i totally get what you mean😩 i hope san's signed album can power you through this year) i hope the upcoming days treat you kinder! i've been okay~ currently on vacation so any break from work is good😭👍i'm curious to know what kpop groups you're into? and who your biases are🧚‍♀️-🎄

Oh i hope you're having a nice vacation!

stray kids is definitely my ultimate fav group, and chan is definitely my ult bias lol my second favorite group is ateez, and for them my main 2 biases are hongjoong and wooyoung, but san and mingi are definitely major bias wreckers. third is txt, and my bias is yeonjun. If you go by my youtube recap top 5, fourth is seventeen and enhypen is fifth, which is nuts because i definitely know twice and have listened to more of twice's discography than either of those groups, but I listened to fml a LOT as well as cheers and rock with you, rock with you was my third most listened song and the other 4 were all stray kids lmao. Enhypen probably got up there because i listened to bite me, chaconne and scarifice a LOT this year LMAO i really like some other songs by them, but those ones probably did most of the heavy lifting lol. I like seventeen and enhypen, but i feel like i don't know them or their music all that well, i can maaaaybe identify all of the seventeen member (i think i can confidently identify at least 10 lol) and i haven't really listened to a whole lot of their music. enhypen i'm pretty sure i know all of them, i think i might get sunoo and sungwon and jungwon mixed up sometimes, it's just because their names are similar lol versus like. twice i definitely know everybody and have listened to more of their songs, but i guess i didn't have some of their songs on repeat as much as some enhypen and seventeen songs this year? and my biases for twice are jihyo and momo. I'm also surprised xdinary heroes weren't in my top 5, i've listened to them quite a bit this year, i thought it would've been them and twice instead of seventeen and enhypen. i've had a hard time choosing my xdinary heroes bias but i think it's between jooyeon and o.de.

I also really like (G)I-DLE and my bias for them is yuqi, as well as p1harmony, and my biases for them are Keeho and Soul, though i'm not as good at keeping up with them... honestly, i mostly just actually keep up with stray kids and ateez, everyone else like i listen to knew music when it comes out and that's mostly it lol it takes so much time and energy to keep up anymore than that, i can't do it for more than 2 groups at a time, and even then, i still don't keep up with anyone as thoroughly as i do skz. Oh i really like xiker's too, i've listened to everything they've put out so far and really liked it, but i don't know literally any of the members so i don't have a bias atm lol

What are your favorite groups and biases?

[martellspear]

̷𖤐֪ elia martell x taylor swift albums

— Fearless (Taylor's Version)

— the lyrics picked were the ones that made me think of her/her relationships/her plot.

︵࣪⏜ꪻ𖡼̸֢֢࣪᭡࿔︵࣪

Fearless: "And I don't know how it gets better than this // You take my hand and drag me headfirst // Fearless" (elia x oberyn again!)

Fifteen: "'Cause when you're fifteen and // Somebody tells you they love you // You're gonna believe them"

Love Story: "I got tired of waiting // Wondering if you were ever coming around // My faith in you was fading"

Hey Stephen: "'Cause I can't help it if you look like an angel" (literally her)

White Horse: the entire song "Say you're sorry, that face of an angel // Comes out just when you need it to // As I paced back and forth all this time // 'Cause I honestly believed in you" (all I see is rhaelia angst)

You Belong With Me: "I'm the one who makes you laugh // When you know you're 'bout to cry // I know your favorite songs // And you tell me 'bout your dreams" (elia x oberyn again♡)

Breathe: "And we know it's never simple, never easy // Never a clean break, no one here to save me"

— the songs below fit rhaelia angst so well:

Tell Me Why: "I'm sick and tired of your reasons // I got no one to believe in // You tell me that you want me, then push me around"

You're Not Sorry: every single lyric "This is the last straw // Don't wanna hurt anymore // And you can tell me that you're sorry // But I don't believe you, baby, like I did before // You're not sorry"

The Way I Loved You: "And that's the way I loved you // Breaking down and coming undone"

Forever & Always: "This thing is breaking down, we almost never speak // I don't feel welcome anymore // Baby, what happened? Please tell me // 'Cause one second it was perfect // Now you're halfway out the door"

—

The Best Day: "Don't know how long it's going to take to feel okay // But I know I had the best day with you today" (elia x rhaenys | "you never love anything in the world the way you love your first child."!!!!)

Change: "So we've been outnumbered, raided, and now cornered // It's hard to fight when the fight ain't fair // We're getting stronger now, finding things they never found // They might be bigger but we're faster and never scared // You can walk away, say we don't need this // But there's something in your eyes says we can beat this" (dornish pride 𖤓)

Jump Then Fall: "Every time you smile, I smile // And every time you shine, I'll shine for you"

Untouchable: "Untouchable, burning brighter than the sun // And when you're close, I feel like coming undone"

Come In With The Rain: "I've watched you so long, screamed your name // I don't know what else I can say"

The Other Side Of The Door: "And I broke down crying, was she worth this mess?"

Today Was A Fairytale: "Today was a fairytale // You've got a smile // That takes me to another planet"

You All Over Me: "I lived, and I learned // Had you, got burned // Held out, and held on // God knows, too long // And wasted time, lost tears // Swore that I'd get out of here"

Mr. Perfectly Fine: she literally wrote this one about rhaegar

"Hello Mr. Casually cruel // Mr. Everything revolves around you // I've been Ms. Misery since your goodbye // And you're Mr. Perfectly fine"

AND

"'Cause I hear he's got his arm 'round a brand new girl // I've been pickin' up my heart, he's been pickin' up her // And I never got past what you put me through // But it's wonderful to see that it never phased you!"

We Were Happy: "Oh, I hate those voices // Telling me I'm not in love anymore // But they don't give me choices"

That's When: "I said, "I know" // He said, 'I need some time, need some space'"

Don't You: "Sometimes I really wish that I could hate you // I've tried, but that's just somethin' I can't do // My heart knows what the truth is // I swore I wouldn't do this"

Bye Bye Baby: "And there's so much that I can't touch // You're all I want but it's not enough this time // And all the pages are just slipping through my hands // And I'm so scared of how this ends"