#honestly this is why i rarely ever follow people anymore

[galedekarios]

unfollowed someone because i needed to take a step back from a discussion that was triggering to me and i had to learn from friends that they went on a completely unhinged rant spree about me. if someone ever wonders why people are talking about toxic mutual culture on this site, this is basically it.

[actiniumwrites]

SO WE NEVER SAW THE START

synopsis: love just isn’t always permanent. or, in other words, the reason why you and them broke up.

characters: diluc, beidou, kujou sara, kazuha, ayaka, dehya, dottore, and childe x gn!reader (separately)

warnings: angst, hurt (no comfort), breakups

notes: this is like my second full angst piece which i’m writing because a lot of people don’t like that i rarely do full angst 👍 also i was gonna include zhongli since i haven’t written for him since july, but it was his birthday recently so i spared him.

(part two)

diluc:

he’s too caught up in himself

not necessarily in a selfish or egotistical way, but more in a too independent way. it’s like he has no room for you in his life

between bar tending, running the winery, acting as the dark knight, and just his overall distant personality, there just isn’t much love to give

he loves you. he really does. it’s just he can’t express it in a sufficient enough way to make you feel loved

he doesn’t realize it either until it’s too late

it hurts him when you come to him one night crying silent tears with a broken expression on your face

“i’m so sorry, diluc.”

“why? what’s wrong? are you okay?”

“i just can’t do this anymore.”

beidou:

you two were just too different

you lead different lives. she loved the sea, you didn’t.

while you enjoyed the occasional boat ride, you couldn’t stand to actually live on it

and because she was away so often, it put distance between the two of you. distance far too great for your heart to handle

letters weren’t enough. souvenirs from different nations weren’t enough. only seeing her every few weeks wasn’t enough

and it hurt you to have to always kiss her goodbye at the docks or have to constantly ask when you would see her again

the next time she showed up at the docks, you weren’t there. the only thing she would ever see from of you again, was one final letter

if she wanted distance, she could have it

kujou sara:

her obsession with the raiden shogun was too much for you to handle

at first, it was fine. you actually admired her dedication to her and found it quite honorable

but over time, it was becoming more and more unbearable

raiden shogun this and raiden shogun that

it began to seem like she cared more about the shogun than you

honestly, did she love you or did she love the shogun?

it put distance between you two, something you had hoped would never happen. but deep down you knew it was inevitable

someone with admiration so deep, you knew she was bound to lose herself within it

and in doing so, she lost you too

kazuha:

like beidou, his life was far too different from yours

he couldn’t settle for just one thing, one place, one life

he always seemed to want more

it was just so irritating sometimes

he loved you, truly. he loved being with you all the time. loved every detail about you. but it always meant that you had to follow him on his adventures

sometimes it felt selfish

couldn’t he realize you had a life too? one that you couldn’t just drop and leave behind at any moment?

you were bound to what you had built for yourself and he was seemingly bound to nothing

a genuinely free soul

if only your relationship could’ve been bound to something too

ayaka:

it was mutual

ayaka was often busy. and when she wasn’t busy, she was spending needed time by herself

and whether by herself or with others, she had an important image to keep up — one that didn’t quite fit you

she just wasn’t ready for a relationship, and you understood that

you also had things going on in your life

luckily it wasn’t too far into the relationship, so it wasn’t awkward, emotional, or even painful

she was also one of the only lovers you had stayed friends with afterward

dehya:

there was a mix of reasons why it had ended

for one, work seemed to get in the way of your relationship quite frequently

it didn’t help that you were from the rainforest and she was from the desert

with you being an akademiya worker and her being a mercenary, you hardly saw each other at all

the nighttime was the only time you ever really got to see each other

having to spend all your time at night wasn’t fun for either of you

not to mention, she hated the rainforest’s humidity and overall climate. and you couldn’t stand the dry wind and constant heat of the desert

in the end, you both preferred your days as just being friends. and thus, the breakup was entirely mutual

dottore:

it was a difficult breakup for sure

as a fellow harbinger, you saw him all the time. so distance was never a problem.

you were surprised he was even interested in you at all, but much to your surprise, even the doctor had a soft side

but alas, you were never number one in his life. that spot was reserved for his experiments

dealing with his lies, his clones, his experiments…even for another harbinger it was far too much to handle. as powerful as you were, you were still only human

when you had finally voiced all of this to him and told him you wanted to breakup, you hadn’t gotten the reaction you wanted

in fact, he hadn’t given you a reaction at all

deep down, he was actually very upset over it. but his personality was far too much of a mask to ever reveal his true emotions to the world

childe:

he was too playful, too reckless, too selfish

but even through all of that, he was still someone you loved

that’s why it was hard to let him go. but day after day, you felt yourself worrying too much

stress would eat away at your skin and your thoughts. eventually, the cons outweighed the pros

your love for him was not as great as your stress was — at least, it became this way by the end of it all

dealing with his injuries was too frequent. not to mention the constant arguments and his provocative personality

what if he comes home too injured one night? god, what if he didn’t come back at all?

you didn’t know what you would do with yourself. and even worse, he didn’t seem to care. countless times you would tell him all of this, ask him to be more careful, but he just wouldn’t listen

“i’m done, childe. i can’t take it anymore. you’re hurting me as much as you’re hurting yourself, and i’m not even a harbinger.”

[angeldreamsoffanfic]

so i had this idea and will potentially turn it into a full fic bc it’s just spiraling around and taking control of my two brain cells so just here is my brain dump of this okay

alpha!eddie x omega!steve with alpha!chrissy x omega!robin, with a modern au / dating app little twist.

follow me here okay —

•••

omega!steve who cares so much for his pups, but all six of them haven’t presented yet so while they can offer some comfort to steve during his heats— it’s not enough. (in my mind, heats/ruts aren’t a sexual thing in this universe so let’s just roll with it ok thank you kiss).

omega!steve whose pups beg him to try and let beta!jonathan and alpha!nancy nest with him, to scent him- but the heartbreak is too fresh and honestly? ever since nancy and jonathan mated, steve isn’t comforted by nancy’s scent as much anymore so honestly it’s kind of a fruitless effort.

and steve promises that nesting with the pups is enough for him for now, and all six of the pups are okay with that for now. so they nest with steve and it’s so much fun.

max, who hasn’t ever really nested before enjoys the comfort of steve’s scent and snuggling up close to him. she likes that she can tuck herself in his side and listen to him gripe about the movies they picked, and maybe she likes holding lucas’s hand too.

dustin, who only has ever nested with his mom really enjoys the comfort that being with his friends gives and steve brings. and steve let’s him watch any movie he wants, which dustin takes as a really big win.

lucas, who has nested before (he has his parents and little sister), but there’s just… something a bit different about letting steve scent him, and he’s able to hold hands with max and that’s really nice okay?

will, whose dad was a dick of an alpha and his mom and older brother are betas so they just… they don’t nest. but will likes it! he likes helping steve sort out the blankets and the snacks and he can’t really explain it but he doesn’t get why some alphas say that boys shouldn’t be omegas…

mike, who okay- he sometimes doesn’t really like steve okay? he grew up with his parents, a really traditional alpha x omega couple, and his dad had kinda flipped when nancy presented as an alpha. so maybe there is a little prejudice there because mike has listened to his father murmur things about steve being an omega, but… is it really a bad thing? mike isn’t sure, but he helps the older boy nest when will asks, because it’s will and… fuck, okay, maybe mike can picture nesting with will sometimes, okay- like a lot of the time okay?

eleven, who was trapped in the lab and doesn’t even really understand the whole alpha, beta, and omega thing— but she knows she likes when steve holds her chin and scents at her pack gland. she knows he cried when she let out a pup trill the first time. eleven knows okay, she knows even if people sometimes thinks she’s stupid.

and they slip into a pack, maybe on purpose or on accident… and it just works okay. they’re all pack. the six pups and their pack!omega.

still, the pups can’t help but be excited when steve meets robin, who hasn’t presented yet and that’s a rare thing in itself so they’re hopeful…

until robin presents as an omega and tells steve that she likes girls when steve comforts her. robin quietly explains that she only likes alpha!girls and steve shrugs and says that’s fine because he likes alpha!girls and alpha!guys so really it’s okay that she has a preference.

cue steve then formally inviting robin into his pack. steve probably explains it’s not much, just him and a bunch of un-presented pups… but it’s home, and steve promises she’ll always have a home with him if she wants. robin cries, and very quickly agrees- much to the chagrin of her alpha x omega parents who are very adamant that two omegas can’t run a successful pack.

the pups are so excited when robin joins the pack though. they like how steve and robin act around each other, they like how robin is able to get steve to calm down when the omega gets a little too protective. they like how steve helps out with guiding robin through being an omega, and they can’t help but hope that the two older teens will one day help them out when they all present.

(robin and steve of course made a pact that they’ll both help out as much as they can for their pups when they all present).

but now they’re at the beginning again and fuck.

but one day, the pups are watching t.v. at steve’s house waiting for the two omegas to get home for work, and they see an ad come on the t.v.. it’s an ad for a scenting app, where both omegas and alphas can match up for scenting purposes.

the pups then bring it to the attention of steve and robin, and while the two omegas are a little apprehensive… neither of them can really resist when the pups trill and make puppy-dog eyes at them.

so the two omegas say fuck it and they both get the app of their phones and sign up for the thing.

•••

on the other side of things, we have alpha!eddie and alpha!chrissy. and just, just follow me here-

alpha!eddie and alpha!chrissy. everyone had kind of expected eddie to present as an alpha, i mean, come on. he was loud and brash and goofy, but if you needed help he’d do anything he could to try and help you.

but alpha!chrissy? now that throws people for a fucking loop. her parents were the very traditional alpha x omega couple, who believed that omegas should be silent and small and never ever heard. so when chrissy presents as an alpha and snaps her teeth at her dad when he tries to talk down to her?

they kick her out.

but it’s fine! because alpha!eddie and beta!wayne are there, and they teach her the ins and outs of everything. eddie shows her how to make herself scent safe, how to control her emotions and not want to snap her teeth at everyone.

it’s nice, all three of them living together, really.

until, wayne starts to get a little annoyed about the two constantly wanting to scent him. he does get it, really, but he’s not their pack and he can’t keep going to work at the mechanic shop smelling like the two alpha teenagers. so, he very nicely (as nicely as he can) asks that they find an omega or just anyone to scent that isn’t him.

chrissy jokes about making a dating app for the people out there like them… and shit, okay, that actually isn’t a bad idea and eddie happens to be pretty tech savvy… so they make a fucking app.

it takes a while, but they eventually figure it out and launch it… and it does really fucking well. like eddie is able to quit his job and chrissy changes her college classes from whatever she had been doing to focus solely on a tech degree, really well.

but, the two don’t sign up for it themselves.

they feel kinda… skeezy they think? like why should the app developers sign up for the service themselves, y’know? especially since they keep omegas and their safety the priority on the app, they don’t want to take advantage of anything okay?

and the app’s popularity just snowballs (thanks to social media), and chrissy graduates with honors from her school… but they two alphas are lonely. wayne’s moved out and subsequently moved in with his beta!girlfriend, so it’s ends up just being the two alphas in their two-bedroom apartment in indianapolis. and it works, i mean, the two can offer as much comfort as they can to each other during their ruts… but even though they see and recognize each other as pack, it’s not enough.

so, after a bottle of wine- they both make profiles.

•••

steve and robin are both surprised when they match with eddie and chrissy, but they roll with it because talking to the two alphas is nice. they’re pretty too, according to their profile description and they think their scents probably smell lovely.

they talk for a while, about the small town and their pack (though they keep it light and don’t dip too deep into describing it for the pups and their own safety). it gets to a point where the four are talking every day to their prospective partners, and then eddie finally asks if he could come visit. chrissy ends up asking robin too after, and the two omegas talk and agree.

hawkins isn’t a far drive from indianapolis, just shy of two hours— and eddie books a room at the small bed and breakfast for a couple of days so they can potentially all get to know each other a little better.

the two alphas still think it’s insane and super coincidental that they found two omegas from the same small town, who are both in a pack and they hope that the two get along enough that maybe in the future they can connect their packs.

(robin and steve have both figured out that eddie and chrissy are pack, but again they don’t want to jeopardize their safety to the pups’ safety so they keep their soulmate-friendship on the down low).

steve and robin both suggest a quick meet at the local coffeehouse in downtown hawkins, just to make sure they aren’t all serial killers before the potential of planning a longer date. eddie and chrissy both agree, because yeah they’d prefer to be close by to each other anyway just in case the omegas are catfishing them or something weird.

imagine their utter surprise though when they see omega!steve and omega!robin already sitting down together. the two omegas come clean to the two alphas, and the alphas can’t help but sing their praises to the two omegas. it was a safe and smart thing to do, and no they aren’t mad at the two pretty smelling and pretty looking omegas.

and so talk and drink coffee and hot chocolate, and both eddie and chrissy keep sending each other looks because okay what is going on? steve and robin are practically one brain and one person, the way that they both kind of revolve around each other.

shortly after, steve and robin explain their pack dynamics— that is the two of them plus six pups. eddie and chrissy find this interesting and funny, and ask to meet them whenever possible. both steve and robin agree, though they don’t really put terms on it. eddie and chrissy explain that they’re both pack bonded, but it’s just them, and they’re willing to go at whatever pace steve and robin set.

the rest of the three-day trip goes by super well, though robin and steve don’t introduce their pups to eddie and chrissy just yet.

imagine eddie and chrissy’s surprise when their home phone rings a few weeks later after not having heard from the omegas for almost a week.

it’s a younger girl on the phone named max, she got their number from the yellow pages- and she is pretty sure she’s boiling alive from the inside out… oh and steve and robin have been in heat for way too fucking long and are showing no sign of coming out of it really anytime soon…

queue eddie and chrissy driving to loch nora, and being surprised when five pups stumble out- and they’re all talking over each other asking for them to help their pack!omegas and whatever-the-hell max is presenting as.

the two alphas agree and stumble inside, and are immediately hit with the scents that are running through the harrington-buckley house.

familiarity, home, belonging, and pack.

[multifandomnonsense]

Deuace

Who wakes up first?

Deuce does. On the rare occasion that Ace wakes up first he normally stays there until Deice gets up

Who is grumpiest in the morning?

Deuce is. Ace is super energetic immediately, Deuce needs a few minutes and some coffee

Who cooks breakfast?

Deuce does because Ace should not be allowed in the kitchen. ever.

Who serves the other breakfast in bed?

Deuce does sometimes. Ace wants to but he’s banned from the kitchen. Honestly if he ever showed up with breakfast Deuce would probably have a panic attack

Who suggests the skip work and stay home?

Ace does. All the time and Deuce just sighs and has to explain again why they can’t do that

Who falls asleep on top of the other?

Ace does constantly. He collapses on Deuce all time without warning. It doesn’t even phase Deuce anymore when it suddenly happens because Ace does it so much

Who always has to be touching the other?

Ace loves to be touching Deuce. He always has an arm around him when he can. Loves to give hugs, kiss him, hold his hand

Who stays up until 2 reading?

Deuce does and Ace cuddles him. Sometime Deuce reads out loud to him, but by 2 Ace is definitely asleep

Who kisses their partner while they're sleeping?

Deuce does but not because Ace wouldn’t but if Deuce is asleep he probably is too

Who is most adventurous?

Ace. He is always running off on his next adventure and Deuce will follow him every time even if he says Ace is being an idiot

Who is most protective?

Ace. No one gets to lay a hand on Deuce. If you hurt him he’s gonna kill you

Who cares too much?

Ace. Honestly I think caring too much is already one of Ace’s big character traits and that would apply to his relationship.

Who is most competitive?

Ace loves a good competition and gets very competitive. Deuce often tells him to calm down

Who sings in the shower?

Ace does

Who is more likely to get naughty in inappropriate places?

Ace does and Deuce gets super embarrassed about it. He is bright red and is like “Ace please we are in public” which makes Ace smirk at him and which makes Deuce more of a blushing mess

Rate this ship: 10/10. Anyone who read the book knows. The bit as they’re leaving the island where Ace calls Deuce his treasure and Deuce basically says he’d do anything for Ace. Like I thought people were exaggerating about how gay they in the book and wow they were not. Plus they just seem like they’re dating

[inevitably-johnlocked]

I can't see why people have to be aphobic. I just can't stand the aphobia that I come across on the internet. I've faced it IRL too and it sucks so bad. Let people just exist and know that not everything is about you and you don't fucking get to tell anyone how they feel? People are so ignorant and try to ruin everything with their pea-sized brains and their need to be self-righteous all the damn time I just hate it so much!

To these type of people: aces and/or aros exist! Let them live! They're not being snowflakes, you are, with your assholish attitude.

Everything sucks so much. Aphobia is the most frustrating shit ever.

Hey Nonny *HUGS*

Ooof, if this ain't the truth... I told a more-an-aquaintance friend once that I was ace – and I don't tell many people I am, just people that I trust – and it just was just not clicking with her, "how could someone not want sex??". This is also the same friend who went through boyfriends like toilet paper so *shrugs* I just threw it back on her and asked her how anyone gets anything done if all they're thinking about is sex, LOL. Honestly, rudeness begets rudeness, and if someone is being a dick to me about it, then I am one right back.

Fortunately though, I don't experience it much these days anymore, probably more-so before I figured out I was ace. And honestly, I RARELY see aphobia online because I follow a lot of ace-positive bloggers and such, my YT algorithm is PERFECT that I never see shit like that, I stay off of Tik Tok 100% (I refuse to download it), and the online community we have built here is pretty awesome. And in my real life, no one needs to know, so I only tell people I trust with it.

I mean, I don't make it a secret either, I think I'm just honestly too old to care these days.

That's why Asexuality Awareness Week is so important. We should take the opportunity to educate people who are kind in asking for more info.

I recommend you check out Ace Dad Advice, he's on both YouTube and TikTok and is an older asexual man in a polyamorous relationship! He has lots of Ace/Aro-positive education and resources that I think everyone can benefit from <3

I'm sorry you're having a rough go, and I hope you feel better soon, Lovely.

[lythea-creation]

Expectations - Shams x fem reader (Chapter 3)

Chapter 1

Previous Chapter

warnings: emotional abuse

word count: 997

---------------------

After almost two weeks I could not take it anymore. Studying the whole day without really getting any breaks. Forcing on a smile for the sake of my great image that did not even exist if I asked my own dad. Being socially isolated from the people I truly cared about.

Shams had shown up at my house one day, trying to get my dad to let her study with me. She had resonated with him, had agreed to work together with the tutor. But he had sent her away.

I had only gotten to see her because I had secretly watched them.

I barely got to talk to Shams as we still had rehearsal in the breaks or my classmates were bombarding me with questions about my absence from social media. I claimed it to be a cleanse, a simple break to return stronger.

But nothing about all of this was strong. I was too weak to stand up for myself, may it be society or my dad. Basically I only existed in the safety of Shams' and Omar's house.

If my dad found out how flawed I actually was he would probably disown me. My true self simply was not good enough, not for him anyway.

Today I refused to study.

My tutor was overwhelmed by my behavior as I rested my head on the table, not responding to him in any way.

I was tired. There was too much weight wearing me down. The expectations were too high.

“What is going on here?”, my dad exclaimed when he entered the kitchen where we were supposed to handle my studying.

I could feel his anger radiating off of him. Nevertheless I stayed frozen in place, not even bothering to look at him.

“What do you think you're doing?”, he questioned, grabbing my shoulder.

As I was showing no reaction to him he pulled me up by my arm.

“I'm done”, I muttered.

“What did you just say?”, he hissed.

“I can't live like this anymore”, I proposed.

He burst out laughing. “You can't live like this anymore? Like what, (f/n)? A damn princess? You have everything you could ever need. Believing your social media accounts there are thousands of people who admire to have what you do, who want to switch with you. All I'm asking for you to do is your job, which is your school work. That's honestly not a lot to request for everything you get in exchange.”

“Keep it then”, I encouraged him. “Keep all the expensive clothes, the fancy furniture, my high-tech phone. I don't care! Just stop locking me away and treating me like a prisoner! This place isn't a home. Do you even love me at all?”

“After everything I've done for you you're talking to me like that?! Do you know what I gave up to raise you on my own? Do you have any idea how hard it is to be reminded of the death of the love of your life, every time you take a look at your child? It's suffocating”, he declared.

“Why bother then? You don't need to raise me anymore. I'm done with this”, I shot back and stormed to my room.

I quickly packed up a few things and then went back downstairs.

“Where do you think you're going?”, my dad questioned, blocking my way.

“Away”, I remarked.

“No, you're not”, he proclaimed, grabbing my shoulders when I tried to move around him.

“Don't touch me”, I growled, sending him a death glare.

He looked shocked at my reaction. I was, too. After all I had never treated him like that.

But that was exactly my luck because it led him to follow my demand.

My destination was obvious, but there was not any other place for me to go.

When Omar opened the door for me, he was dumbfounded. After all he had not seen me for about two weeks, which was the longest we had ever been apart except for going on vacation. Although we had a habit of going on vacation together as well.

“Hey”, I greeted him. “Sorry for showing up out of the blue. Can I come in?”

“(f/n), what happened?”, he worried.

It was rare for me to see him so serious. We were joking around most of the time after all.

For once Shams was wearing the same expression her brother did, standing a few steps behind him.

“I kinda ran away from home”, I admitted. “I know it's stupid and childish. But it was all too much and ...”

Omar interrupted me by pulling me into his arms. “You can stay as long as you want”, he promised. “Come on in. Shams, you should make your girlfriend a cup of tea.”

To my surprise there was no snarky remark coming from her. She returned two minutes later with a cup of my favorite tea.

“Thanks.” I shot her a small smile.

I noticed that she was feeling conflicted that I was resting in Omar's arms instead of hers. But she did not complain and instead sat down on my other side.

“What did he do?”, Shams wondered.

Omar sent her a scolding glare for addressing the topic so bluntly.

“I was just so tired”, I stated apathetically. “I missed you two.”

“We missed you, too”, Omar confessed. “Have you eaten dinner yet?”

“No. I hadn't earned it yet. I refused to study”, I enlightened them.

“How about ordering your favorite pizza?”, he suggested.

“Sounds great”, I agreed.

We ended up watching my favorite movie and eating pizza together in the living room. With both of them at my side I started to feel like myself again.

I did not make it to the end of the movie though as I fell asleep on the couch, cuddling with my favorite sibling duo.

----------------------

Next Chapter

So what do you think about the chapter? Let me know in the comments or asks! Any suggestions for the next chapter?

Tag List: @sunwoniie

[tomatette]

Light My Fire

for @huxloween prompt: bonfire

„C’mon, son,“ Han says, cheerily, when Ben reluctantly follows him to the car with slumped shoulders. “It’s Halloween, enjoy yourself a little. Have a corndog, play some carnival games. I heard, there’s a soothsayer too this year. Could be fun, dontcha think?”

Ben nods half-heartedly and lets his hair fall in front of his face like a makeshift curtain. He’d rather hole himself up in his room, and usually his parents just leave him be when he lets them know in no uncertain terms just how unenthusiastic he is about going out to ‘socialize’, as they call it. But not tonight.

The whole town will be on its feet, to eat, drink and dance. Ben wants neither of those things. Nor does he have any particular interest in standing around the bonfire, which will most likely be what he’s going to do anyway. At least the fires are kind of pretty, and he does like the heat. Has been drawn to it ever since he was a little boy.

He's seventeen, almost eighteen now, and nothing much has changed. He’s still the odd one out. The quiet, moody one with a temper – the latter the only reason the school bullies tend to leave him alone. At least ever since he’s started using his free time – which he has plenty of – working out.

His mother has mostly given up on trying to make him mix with the crowd, or she’s just too busy with running the town, having been elected mayor a couple months ago. Whatever the reason, the result is the same, and he very much appreciates the freedom it’s given him. Or should have given him, because now Han’s on his case instead of Leia, which … not much better. Worse even, because he finds that he can say No to his mother’s disapproving yet loving demands far easier. Something about Han’s jovial approach, treating Ben like a friend he wants to hang out with instead of the wayward son, is strangely, concerningly disarming.

Ben doesn’t need friends. He doesn’t want friends. His solitude is by design, not lack of opportunity. There’s no one out there for him anyway. No one who would understand.

When they reach the carnival ground, Ben sighs deeply. So many people. The thought alone of diving into this ocean of moving bodies is nauseating. He can almost feel it: The push and pull, like tides. A current dragging him down into unknown depths and …

“You okay there, kid?” Han puts his hand on Ben’s shoulder and squeezes gently. ”Listen, if you really don’t want to go, I can drive you back to the house, no big deal. I’ll just tell your mom that you’ve locked yourself up in your room. You know she’s gonna believe it, right? So …”

Ben doesn’t know why, but he shakes his head. “It’s okay, dad”, he says. “I’ll just go watch the fires for a bit. I can head home on my own later.”

Han looks at him questioningly. “You sure?”

“Sure.” He forces a smile on his face. It pulls at muscles he rarely uses anymore these days. “Just go ahead. I’ll be fine.”

He watches Han disappear in the crowd and has to suppress a full-body shudder, when his father is swallowed up by the mass of people. How anyone can enjoy this is honestly beyond him.

The bonfire has already been lit. For security reasons, it’s set up in the far corner of the carnival ground, where, to Ben’s relief, significantly less people have gathered. Most are more interested in the spectacle around the lighting ceremony, not so much the fire itself. But for Ben it has always been something he’s been pulled in by.

He finds a secluded spot close to the flames, where the heat is so intense, it’s barely bearable. He can feel it like a brand on his skin, his eyes are watering, and his lashes are curling.

The crackling of the fire is mesmerizing, almost like a beat. The rhythm of a song only he can hear, and that the flames are dancing to. Flames, that sometimes seem to take the shape of …

Wait, what?

Ben rubs his eyes with the heels of his hands, disbelieving. But when he looks again, it’s still there. A fiery being, standing in the midst of the fire, red-hot gaze firmly locked onto Ben.

It’s not really fully of fire, but not human either, that much he can say with certainty. The shape of it is lithe and narrow, yet distinctly masculine it its appearance, the skin a pale white with a tint of electric blue, not unlike the hottest part of a flame. The eyes, he notices now, are flickering between red and orange, and the hair … Ben leans forward to get a better look, and sucks in a sharp breath. The hair is pure, living fire, flickering and consuming.

While he’s still staring, the creature’s lips pull into a sharp smile, and it starts to sway, beckoning Ben with hypnotic movements, like a siren tempting a sailor lost at sea. With each twist and whirl, it whispered to him in a language he had no hope of understanding, inviting him into its fiery embrace.

Ben looks around, but no one else seems to notice anything out of the ordinary. Can’t they see? Is he the only one who can?

Tentatively, but more than a little curious, he moves closer. The heat intensifies, but instead of burning him, it cocoons him in pleasant warmth. His hand outstretched, he dips into the flames, his fingers meeting the milky white skin, crisscrossed with veins of fire.

This time it’s the creature emitting a gasp that sounds eerily like a real breath of air. Then it breaks into a smile so radiant it fills Ben with more heat than the fire ever did, and he can’t help but answer it with a smile on his own. A genuine one this time.

Their eyes lock and never stray from each other until late in the night, when the hubbub of the carnival ground has quietened, and the bonfire is slowly dying down.

A cold hand settles around Ben’s heart. He’s not ready for this to end yet, and by the looks of it, neither is his fiery companion.

Hesitantly, it takes a step forward, but apparently is just as unable to step out of the fire, as Ben is to walk into it. What it does, though, is hold out its hand, palm up, so Ben can see what is lying on top of it.

It’s a ring made of black metal with a single, bright gem inlay, fluctuating in color between fiery orange, bright yellow and sinister red.

When Ben does nothing, it frowns and pushes its hand in Bens’s direction once more, and finally Ben understands.

Gingerly, he picks up the ring between his thumb and his index finger. It’s hot to the touch, but not so much it would burn him on contact.

“Thank you,” he whispers, and the creature smiles wistfully, before stepping back and disappearing in the dying flames of the bonfire.

“Wait,” Ben wants to call, but it’s already too late.

The creature is gone.

And Halloween night is over.

Without thinking, he slips the ring onto his middle finger. It fits like it was made for him.

“Hey, son!” It’s Han. He bounds over, clearly more than a little tipsy. “You’re till here. Color me surprised.” He nods in the direction of where he has parked the car. “I was about to head home. You coming with?”

Ben raises a brow. “You’re not going to drive like this, are you, dad?”

Han snickers. “Sometimes you’re worse than your mom, you know that, kiddo?” He pulls the car keys from his pant pocket and throws it in Ben’s general direction. “You’re driving.”

Ben catches the keys without difficulties.

He’s glad he knows the route home by heart, because all he can think of is the fiery creature from the bonfire. The ring’s gem glints in the light of the dashboard illumination.

*

The next morning – or noon, as a short glance at his radio alarm clock tells him – he wakes up to bright sunlight filtering through the shutters of his window, painting his room in a pattern of black and white.

He stretches lazily, but startles the instant his fingers touch something next to him on the mattress.

With a yelp, he pulls his hand back and scrambles up until his back hits the headboard.

The gorgeous redhead lying next to him – in his fucking bed, and naked no less! – groans, when he blinks his eyes open. “Kriff, my head is pounding.” His fingers dig into the shiny locks of copper hair that fall on top of his shoulders.

His skin is creamy white with dark freckles like tiny drops of paint splattered onto a canvas, and when he opens his eyes again, Ben can see they’re as blue green as seafoam, cresting the waves rolling to the shore on a stormy day.

He’s breathtaking.

And he looks eerily familiar, even though Ben knows for sure that he hasn’t taken anyone home with him last night.

“Oh,” the beautiful stranger says, when he notices Ben eventually. “It’s you.” A soft smile spreads on his face and makes him look even more radiant. “You’re wearing my ring. I wasn’t sure it, was going to work, but I’ve always wanted to visit your realm.”

“My realm?” Ben repeats, stupidly.

“Yes!” He makes an all-encompassing gesture with his hands. “This. The place you live. It’s so exciting to be here.” A shiver runs down the length of his body, Ben can follow it with his eyes. “It’s pretty cold, though. Could you maybe start a fire, so I can warm up? I’m Hux, by the way. And what’s your name?”

Hux …

“I …” He has to clear his throat, and his tongue feels foreign in his mouth. “I’m Ben.”

“Ren?”

“No,” he corrects. “Ben. With a B.”

Hux frowns. “I like Ren better. I will just call you that if you don’t mind.”

Ben wants to protest, but then he realizes that, for some reason, he really doesn’t mind at all. He’s fine with Hux calling him almost anything, as long as he keeps speaking with this cute little accent of his.

“So,” Hux speaks up again, his eyes shining with mirth “I’ve always wondered – what exactly is a corkscrew for?”

[twelfth-list-of-ominous-threats]

I reblog KOSA shit here because I have so much more reach here (even if it's not much, but 127 whole people follow me here! I love you all <3)

I think the big thing is I have like no mutuals following this account. So if a post was passed around by my mutuals and I reblog it on main they've probably already seen it but I can bring it here for just that much more visibility

Of course I reblog it on all of my blogs I use (I have like 4 impulse gimmick blogs lol) because I'm fucking terrified. I don't mean to be emotional on gimmick but I have like 4 irls and I RARELY get to see them. I need to get out more but I'm working on it, and Tumblr has actually taught me quite a bit about making friends. It's slow, and I'm still scared irl, but it's a process.

I can't stand to lose my first community in Tumblr where I wasn't scared. My beloved mutuals on my main (fuck it, @/kirexa is my main. Idrc anymore about hiding it,) scooped me out of literally just liveblogging games and I actually learned how it works with them. Shoutout to rune, to satoru, to domi, all of my early mutuals. I love all of my mutuals of course, but you guys are really special. You dragged me into this hellsite, and I'm so grateful for that. (I don't expect them to see this lol)

I just. Feel like I belong here. And that's why I'm really scared. If kosa passes, I lose my safe space, my community, I lose jeandori (/ij) and the bird mutual and my favorite RP accounts and I'll lose the threatsverse. I know I'm not very active but I love you guys and this always made me happy, the og threats was the literal second blog I followed ever.

This feels way too personal and hell I don't put myself out like this much, but honestly, you guys deserve it. PLEASE do what you can to prevent KOSA. You know what? While we're here, here's some things you can do. It's FAST and please.

Linktree

This post has scripts to call your governors. PLEASE do it if you can.

Petition (change . org)

Another petition (badinternetbills)

I found these from other posts so PLEASE tell me if something is wrong with the links.

Edit: adding this aswell

https://www.tumblr.com/anti-kosa-bill-links

It's a blog dedicated to reblogging important stuff on KOSA and other bad bills. Give it a follow.

[blackacre13]

hello! Could you write something where Lou and Deb go on a vacation to Australia, just some cute domestic fluff really, maybe a day at the beach and Deb finds out Lou can surf?

“Mrs. Miller?”

“Oh god, no, Debbie,” the blonde woman laughed, her eyes crinkling just the way that her daughter’s did, identical blue eyes twinkling. “No Miller anymore. You know that. And even if it was, Margot is fine. For now.”

“For now?” Debbie asked, shifting on her towel as she looked over at Margot, slightly confused.

“I’m sure my daughter has a plan up her sleeve that may have you calling me something else sooner than you know,” she smiled softly, tossing Debbie a wink. “But I’ll let you two figure that out in your own way and in your own time.”

“Speaking of that daughter, was she ever going to tell me…oh, I don’t know. That she could have been a career surfer if she stuck around Australia?”

“Did you even know that I existed before this week?” Margot asked, raising a perfectly manicured eyebrow. Another Lou-ism that had Debbie in awe.

“Now that was quite the surprise,” Debbie laughed, looking off at the water as Margot’s eyes followed her. “But I can never stay mad at her for long. Honestly, I can never even actually get mad at her.”

“You love her too much,” the older blonde spoke softly, her hand falling on top of Debbie’s. “You have no idea how happy that makes me. And I hope you know, that she only ever kept me secret to keep me safe. And you too. You know how it is in your line of…work. Once the wrong people have the right information to use against you.”

“You don’t have to tell me,” Debbie whispered, looking down at the sand.

“I heard about your mum,” Margot whispered back, squeezing the brunette’s hand. “And I know it was your father’s work that put her on the line. I think—I think that’s why it was so hard for Lou to—“

“You don’t need to make excuses for her,” Debbie laughed, wiping at the rare tear that was threatening to creep out from the corner of her eye.

“Now, Debbie, just hear me out. You have no idea how hard it is for her to trust and to love because of her father and because she doesn’t like making herself vulnerable or putting others at risk or—“

“No, no,” Debbie laughed, shaking her head. “I know all that. That’s not it. It’s—if you can believe it, she’s not the stubborn one between the two of us. If it’s anyone who kept us from being together sooner than we could’ve, it’s definitely me, Margot. It is hard for Lou, but she’s amazing. Incredible. It’s me that needs a little coaxing to get the ball rolling. But this isn’t beach talk, right?” Debbie laughed, pushing Margot’s shoulder playfully. “And we got there eventually, right?”

“Do I see tears over here?” A deep voice called, a tall shadow coming over the two women on their towels as they both looked up with hands as visors over their eyes.

“Hi, hun.”

“Hey, baby.”

“My two best girls,” Lou grinned, laying practically on top of Debbie as the brunette squealed, cold water dripping onto her from Lou’s swimsuit. “Whatever are we talking about?”

“I am shocked that you would trust us enough to leave us alone to gossip about you,” Margot smirked. “So many questions and secrets I can find out about my daughter from her girlfriend.”

“And that is why I only lasted about seven minutes in the ocean before I asked myself what I was bloody thinking,” Lou laughed, squeezing Debbie tight.

Margot watched them as she watched the blonde press a gentle kiss to Debbie’s forehead, beaming at them.

“I don’t know why you would need to pester me for intel anyway,” Debbie grinned. “Lou’s an open book,” she cackled, not even able to get through the full attempt at a joke.

“I don’t like this dynamic,” Lou decided, trying to stand up as Debbie pulled her back down towards the sand. “Mum, nice seeing you. Debs and I are gonna head back to the states now and we’ll see you in a few decades for Christmas maybe?”

“Sit,” Debbie demanded.

Margot merely giggled. “You’re not taking Debbie away from me now. We have too much to catch up on. But I will agree, that right now Debbie shouldn’t be chatting with me and that you should be teaching her how to surf and maybe taking her for a romantic stroll along the water when the sun starts to set in a bit. Not safe to be in the water once the sun goes down anyway.”

“What are you, my mother?” Lou scoffed.

“I love this,” Debbie sighed dreamily.

“This is the worst surprise I’ve ever come up with,” Lou grumbled, but the blonde was beaming as she led Debbie towards the water a moment later, her smile only growing as she started to shriek, Debbie picking up speed to chase her before jumping onto her and attacking her face with salty kisses as Lou’s mother watched from the shore.

[antisociallilbrat]

Okay I just need to put this somewhere, I just need to get it out and this is my blog and I can post what I want. Yes I am an It and Stranger Things blog but if you've been following me for a while you may or may not have noticed I interact with both those fandoms differently. I sure as hell post more about It and that can range from silly little nonsense to ficlets to character and ship headcanons.

For Stranger Things I stick to like fandom theories and discussions and will occasionally post a headcanon about a character or a ship. I post more about Stranger Things when I'm crossing it over with It ironically. I tend to stay away from anything about the ships most of the times and I don't go out of my way to contribute a lot of solely Stranger Things content as I do for It.

There's a reason too. I love rarepairs, I think they're neat. They're not for everyone and they don't have to be but I like them. And while they thrive in the It fandom, they literally go to die in the Stranger Things fandom. Which is real ironic considering the Stranger Things fandom is massively bigger than the It fandom.

The Stranger Things fandom is so draining to interact with and so I hardly don't. I protect my peace. I never scroll through the tags anymore and I'm careful about the Stranger Things mutuals I keep.

Don't get me wrong, I love Stranger Things, I love the characters, the story, and I love quite a few ships. Elmax and Byclair are probably my top two, and I'm a big fan of madwheeler, ronance, and wheelclair. When it comes to the big ships, I enjoy both Mileven and Byler casually- and by that I mean I honestly do not care who becomes/stays canon (canon doesn't matter much to me anyways) and I don't actively seek out content for them but when it comes across my feed I enjoy it.

I've said the Stranger Things fandom is draining and I'm not going to just complain without saying why. ANY ship that is not one of the big ships, Byler, Mileven, Ronance, Lumax, ect, their tag is filled with people being like : "Best friends!! I love them platonically!!" and it's just?? So not what that tag is for? The Stranger Things fandom has created platonic tags, use those. And especially if it's a ship that contains Will that isn't byler- people will insist that those two can only ever be platonic. As if Will isn't allowed find interest in a different guy besides Mike- this is fandom, people are allowed to enjoy ships that aren't the big ones.

It goes beyond just the ship tags. If I'm in the Lucas Sinclair tag I am not there to see Mileven or Byler shit, I don't want to see Lucas as a fanboy for either ship, I want to see content for Lucas. God help the Eleven Hopper tag,

But like I said, I keep my peace, I don't scroll through the tags anymore and I limit my interactions with the Stranger Things fandom,,,only everytime I post the rare character or a ship headcannon I will have people reblog it with either A.) Saying some shit about them being 'omg besties!' when clearly I meant the ship in a romantic light or B.) If it's a character headcanon or a ship one, people will use it to shit on other ships. THAT'S NOT WHAT MY BLOG IS ABOUT.

Okay I don't know- this turned into a ramble that I'll probably delete later. I just had to vent and also a lot of only Stranger Things blogs have been following me lately and I felt the need to explain why post how I post with St vs It.

[elles-archives]

Sebastian x sister reader

They’re on set because Seb invites her from time to time and what’s their on set because of separating / social anxiety of meeting some of the new cast, the anxious tics that she has get the best of her and Chris finds her having a panic attack with a tic attack combined in Seb’s trailer whilst looking for Seb as he’s needed on set. He finds Chris trying to calm her down and has to intervene as he knows how exhausted and how much it takes out of her, but he does have to use her meds to help her relax a little more but it’s basically pure fluff and brother x sister bonding

Hopefully this makes sense I hope your okay too

Sending love 💕

Separation Anxiety

Sebastian Stan x Sister!Reader

(A/N: I have combined two asks for this as I found them really similar and the plot would be the same if I wrote them as separate fics. Thank you for the requests though. This isn’t my favourite one but I loved writing it and I related it to my own anxiety. I also added in a method my therapist told me to use, which really works for me. - Ellen)

Word Count: +1.1k

Warnings: Reader has severe anxiety.

Masterlists | Requests are open | Taglist

For as long as you could remember, you suffered from anxiety. With all the moving around you, your brother and your Mom did when you were little, you found it hard to be away from either of them. Sebastian never made you feel bad for constantly being around him. When you and Seb got to be adults, everyone expected your dependence on Sebastian to decrease. But it didn’t. 

Sebastian became an actor and you wanted to become an author. When Sebastian traveled, you were able to go with him. This pleased your mother as she knew that you would be safe with Sebastain especially with your anxiety.

Soon enough, Sebastian got a job on Gossip Girl. Most of the cast loved you and understood why you were always around. Even if there was a problem, no one ever mentioned anything to you or Sebastian.

As Sebastian’s career furthered, he took you with him. People would rarely find you without Seb or Seb without you. When Sebastian got cast as Bucky Barnes, no one was more excited for him than you. He brought you to almost every set he was allowed to with the exceptions of when the location was secret.

The sets were incredible. It’s not often that people are allowed on big sets if they don’t work there, but your brother Sebastian and the producers came up with a deal. As long as you signed an NDA and followed their rules, they would allow you on set whenever. You became friends with a lot of people on set and they all included you as if you were a member of the cast. 

*

One morning you decided to go to the set of Infinity War with Seb. You had been working on your book for the entire week and hadn’t gone in a while. You had been feeling cramped all week, sitting at your desk, in the temporary office in the rented apartment you and Sebastian were sharing. You didn't want to admit it to Seb but you had been struggling a lot that week.

You knew he had a lot on his mind and there was a part of you that didn’t want to bother him. He had helped you deal with your anxiety since you were kids and a part of you didn’t want to burden him. 

You both got onto set and Sebastian had to go to wardrobe almost immediately. You weren’t too bothered about what Seb was doing though. Your editor needed a new chapter by the end of the week so you had plenty to keep you occupied until Sebastian had finished filming.  The more you were writing the more stress you were feeling. 

You were struggling to find inspiration. Your ideas seemed rubbish and you were honestly struggling. Deciding that you weren’t going to write anymore for the time being, you got up to go for a walk. You remember from the first day Sebastian brought you to set, which parts you were allowed in and which parts you weren’t. You walked around the ‘village’ of trailers and tried not to think about your book.

Realizing that you’d been gone an hour, you thought it best to head back. The only problem was you couldn’t remember the way. 

Taking a deep breath, you turned around and tried to retrace your steps but you could feel your anxiety creeping up on you. It had been about fifteen minutes and you still didn't recognize your surroundings. You felt your chest tightening and sank to your knees behind a random trailer. The only thing you could think of was the sheer panic that was currently running through your body. 

You didn’t know how long you were sitting there for but you could distantly hear a voice in the background. You couldn’t recognize the voice so you didn’t look up. The only thing you could think about at that point was how much you needed Sebastian.

“Y/N? Can you hear me?” You barely react as you don’t know who it is talking to you. You feel a warm hand on your knee. That action has you jolting your head up quickly to see who is in front of you.

It doesn’t take long for you to recognize the person as Chris Evans. You relax slightly knowing that he isn’t going to hurt you but still remain having the panic attack that you are struggling to come down from. 

“Y/N, I need you to breathe for me.” Chris told you. You saw him get out his phone and send a message before shoving it back into his pocket and returning his focus to you. “I need you to open your eyes for me and tell me five things you see.” 

You did as he said and told him five things that you could see. He then told you to say four things you could hear, three things you could smell, two things you could touch and one thing you could taste.

By the end of it you were absolutely exhausted. It soon became obvious that the person Chris had messaged earlier was Sebastian as he came rushing over to where you and Chris were now slouched against a trailer. 

Chris quickly stood up and moved out of the way to allow Sebastian to sit next to you. Seb quickly pulled you against him and you felt yourself relax completely. You could hear Sebastian and Chris talking to each other before you saw Chris walk away. 

“Did you take your medication this morning?” Seb asked you when he felt you breathing normally again. You were silent for a moment while you thought back. You realized that you had missed your dose of medication this morning. You had been thinking so much about the book you needed to write that it had completely slipped your mind .

“Umm.” You mumbled quietly. 

“Y/N.” Sebastian said sternly.

“It’s just that my editor wants this next chapter ready by the end of the week and I have not finished it yet.With everything it just slipped my mind.”

 Sebastian just sighed. 

“Okay, let’s get you back to back to my trailer and you can take the rest of the day off. I have finished all my scenes for today so we can go grab something to eat.”

You nodded in agreement. “I’m sorry Sebastian.” You apologized. The last thing you wanted to do was disappoint your brother.

“You don’t have to apologize Y/N/N. You have a lot of pressure on you and I know things have always been hard for you.” Seb smiled as he gave you another hug before helping you stand up.

For the rest of the day Sebastian made sure you were alright and he even helped give you inspiration for your book. You were really lucky to have Sebastian as your brother.

***

Sebastian Stan Taglist:

@ctlywoo

@hehehehannahthings

@princess-baby18

@ccmarvelxx

@evans-stan-thirstthotts

[naniwa-archive]

10000 Characters Long Interview

『When I was a Jr.』

Takahashi Kyohei (Naniwa Danshi - 4th Issue)

He lacked interest in himself and others and spent his days aimlessly.

Kyohei entered the agency that changed his life. The seniors who gave him constructive feedback for his betterment, he turned the one thing he had interest in, which was "singing" into his strength. He met his beloved members with whom he can laugh about casual things. All of these made Kyohei, as a person, grow richer as he experienced various "firsts".

What has changed in Kyohei, and what are the things that will never change?

It’s not just my face, I have good luck too

Following Nagao (Kento), this month it is his batchmate Kyohei’s turn.

Please treat me kindly.

Thinking about it again, it is amazing that the three batchmates were able to debut as the same group.

It makes me think, it’s not just my face, I have good luck too.

Luck!?

I really do think I was blessed. It wasn’t just the two people who I met first. I was also able to meet 6 members who I can be proud of. The fact that we were able to meet may have been luck. There is a saying that says, “Luck is a part of your skills”. So I would like to continue to treasure the luck that I have.

I see.

In the beginning, I started with disliking Johnny’s. At the audition, I never imagined I would be a part of Johnny’s for this long. It’s because I was able to meet the 6 members, and now I like myself being an idol and I have pride in doing the job that I love. I honestly think I have good luck.

Were you close with your family?

My sister is about 5 years older than me, and we had neither a close nor distant relationship. My relationship with my parents was generally good. When I was young, I often went fishing with my father. I copied the way my father prepared fish, and I was able to learn to do it myself. I rarely cook for myself now, so I don’t really get to prepare fish anymore.

What type of person were you in your class?

I was not very good at standing up in front of people. I didn’t want to stand out. I wasn’t the type of person who had a lot of friends. My relationship with my friends was somewhat narrow but deep. But I don’t remember a lot of the memories of my past.

You don’t really remember?

How do I put it, you could say I had no interest in myself or others at that time. I didn’t have anything I was devoted to, and I was basically apathetic.

You didn’t have any dreams for the future?

Not necessarily anything specific. Of course, when I was little, I looked up to Kamen Rider, but by the time I was in middle school I didn’t really have anything.

So, if you had not join Johnny’s what would you be doing now?

Um, if I have to answer I would say I would be a hairdresser. I loved anything to do with hair. I’m not sure though.

So, you didn’t really look up to Johnny’s or the entertainment industry?

I did not. I lived a life where I didn’t really watch TV. I didn’t like when the attention was on me, and I was living in a world where I thought I would never be chosen (for Johnny’s).

It doesn’t matter, I will quit soon anyway

What are the details about how you applied for Johnny’s?

Either my sister or my mother applied without me knowing.

Did either of them have an interest in Johnny’s?

I don’t think so. I think it was a coincidence that it was Johnny’s. If it was a different agency that had an audition recruitment at the time they were looking for it, there was a possibility that they would have applied there.

Have you ever asked them why they sent your resume in?

I have never thought about asking. But, I had been playing basketball from primary school and we moved in the summer of my third year of middle school we moved. I started to become dreary. I was a person who found a lot of things bothersome, and I wasn’t the type of person to initiate anything. I think they just could not stand it and thought, “Why don’t you try and audition?”

When did you find out that it was an audition?

On the day. I was woken up by my mother and sister and taken to the audition venue.

Were you surprised about how many people were at the audition venue?

Not really. I just wanted to go home. I was just in a daze not thinking about anything. I was thinking that I want to go home quickly .

In contrast to your own feelings, you caught the agency’s eyes, and began your time as a Kansai Johnny’s Jr.

I really didn’t like it at the beginning. Even if I appeared on TV or in a magazine a little bit, the girls in my class would say, “I saw it”, but I tried to ignore it. I would often sleep in the classroom. So, when something like that happened, I made sure I didn’t wake up. People from other classes also came to my class to see me, which I really did not like. That’s why I often pretended to be asleep in the classroom.

How was your life as a Jr?

It was embarrassing to dance in front of fans at Shochikuza Theater, so I danced completely with no feeling.

Were you warned by your seniors to try harder?

Sure was. I was never praised. I was always scolded. But I felt like, “Leave me alone”. I was working with the feeling of “It doesn’t matter, I will quit soon anyway”. It wasn’t as if I looked up to that type of job, and it wasn’t necessarily something I wanted to do.

Did you ever feel like trying hard like the other Jr’s so that you could stand at the front?

You could say that I was being myself. I didn’t like comparing myself with anyone, and at that time I had no interest in myself either. Generally, I was the type of person who didn’t think deeply of things, in neither a good nor bad way. I wasn’t the type to get upset when scolded.

What was your impression of your batchmates, Michieda (Shunsuke)-kun and Nagao (Kento)-kun?

I thought that they were mature kids. How should I put it, my impression is kind of patchy. Maybe it’s because I am shy, but I remember them as people who I had to spend a lot of time with at the beginning.

But the three of you started to work together more.

At the beginning I didn’t like the fact that the three of us were put together. In private I spent a lot of time by myself, and I didn’t really have the experience of being surrounded by other people. Also, I am separated by age from those two. I also didn’t like the fact that I was the oldest. I thought, “Why do I have to work alongside these little kids?”

When you joined you were in your third year of middle school, and the other two were in year six of primary school. There were differences in your mind and your physicality too.

They would have stupid arguments like, “That’s my coat hanger”. I wasn’t able to get between them, so I just watched from afar. If we were the same age, I think I would have been mixed up in all of that, and if that was the case, I think the relationship between the three of us would be quite different than what it is.

Was there any reason as to why you started to enjoy your life as a Jr?

I thought Nagase (Ren)-kun was cool when I first saw him on ‘Maido Jani.’ Soon after that Ren-kun moved to Tokyo, but I began to think that Ren-kun and I are similar in some ways. We both auditioned without our own intent and we both initially disliked life as a Jr. Also, the fact that we were both searching for a place to belong, and we finally found one. I think we have a lot of things that overlap. It made me think that even I am able to change.

Your attitude started to slowly change, right?

That’s right. Like I said at the beginning, I have good luck. Because my two batchmates tried their best, we were able to not only back dance at Shochikuza Theatre, but we were also provided more opportunities of singing at the front. At that time, I started to enjoy it. If I was made to continue to dance at the back, I think I would have quit without realizing how much I enjoyed it. When I found out the other two were offered jobs, I gradually started to think, “That’s amazing, I will try hard too”. The presence of the two of them is important to me. If they weren’t there, I wouldn’t be the person I am now.

I see

Also, all of my seniors. (Mukai) Koji-kun’s presence is especially important to me. In a stage play we were able to act as brothers, and he often scolded me for things such as my acting, the way I thought about work and about stupid things like being late. It made me think about how difficult it would be for the seniors to always have to scold their useless juniors within a world where if you don’t put in effort, you will be left behind. It takes a lot of effort, and they may begin to hate the juniors. Even so, Koji-kun continued to scold me. It made me feel as if he really did care about me. At that time, he really was like my big brother.

In 2019 at the Kansai Johnny’s Jr Ake Ome Concert, Koji-kun announced he would be leaving Kansai Johnny’s Junior, and you cried a lot, right?

How should I put it, it was simply my feelings. He would go to Tokyo. He would become someone distant to me. Although I was sad, I was also happy that he would become a member of Snow Man.

If Koji-kun was your big brother, was Nagao-kun like your little brother?

With Kento, we both never had to be formal with each other, and we were on the same wavelength even back then. We often went to USJ (Universal Studios Japan) together.

Even though you have a fear of heights, because Nagao-kun pestered you, you still went on the attractions, right?

In private he is really like my little brother, or rather he has an innocent character as the youngest member, which is what is good about Kento. He pestered me and I couldn’t refuse, so somehow while that was happening, I was cured from my fear of heights (lol).

Do you have any other times as a Jr that you felt was a turning point?

Something that was certainly a turning point was when I was able to sing a solo of ‘Aishiteru, Aishitenai’ at Shochikuza Theatre. I was selected by the choreographer.

Domoto Tsuyoshi-kun and Shibutani Subaru-kun sang that song when they were Jr’s, right?

Yes. When I sang ‘Aishiteru, Aishitenai’ is when I first developed the feeling of ‘I love singing.’ The things that I was doing then, weren't things just anyone was able to do. So, I decided to try hard. That’s basically how I arrived at how I am now. Since then, I have not once thought about quitting.

By entering into this world, I began to like myself

Since then, did your activities go well?

Because I decided to do my best, I felt a sense of difficulty. One time, I had a very objective point of view. I thought about how I can make a position for myself among the large group of Jr’s.

Did you find the answer?

I have thought about it, and rather than trying to compare myself with someone, I would rather just be myself. You only live once, so I don’t like following people or going with the majority. In the end, after thinking about what type of character I should go with, I realized I’m not good at coming up with one, and I’m not the type of person who could be flirty and cute. I decided to expose my true self, rather than to make a character.

Expose?

Because I took a good look at myself, I was able to find the answer. My true character is being a cool narcissist.

There aren’t many people who declare themselves as a narcissist, right?

Right. I prefer being told “You are unique” and “You are different” rather than being called cool or amazing. I am more happy when I am told things like, “You are the only one to do things like that”, and “Your way of thinking is Kyohei-like”.

I see.

Of course, I think I have a nice face too, but being a narcissist is a bit different to other people. Kind of like the way I live. Like I have a different type of pride to other people. I do like my face, but more than that I like the fact that I am able to be myself. I started to get to know myself because I entered Johnny’s, and I developed an interest in myself. Before that I was never interested in my appearance, and I never did anything to refine myself. By entering into this world, I began to like myself.

So, what did you think when Naniwa Danshi was formed?

I thought it was a prank at first, because it wasn’t as if we were all together when it was announced.

How was the member line-up projected?

Um, I had thought that the three of us (Michieda and Kento) would form a group. Because we were together a lot, I was wondering when we would become an official group. It’s as if the 7 members of Naniwa Danshi were pulled together from all different places. Among the group, other than the three of us, everyone had experienced being in a group before. In terms of Jr history, we were the newest too. In the beginning there was a kind of awkwardness.

What was the reason the group was able to come together after experiencing those feelings?

I coincidentally had radio appearances with Jo-kun (Fujiwara Joichiro) and Ohashi (Kazuya)-kun at that time. I was also the first junior (Nishihata) Daigo-kun went bowling with. We didn’t think about trying to become close, we just suddenly became close to each other somehow.

Is that right?

It’s just that the group itself was somewhat different from before. I was even warned by Ohkura (Tadayoshi)-kun. He said, “It won’t look good for Naniwa Danshi if you keep thinking that you want to try to stand out.” The three of us were able to work in our group together, but we weren’t an official group, so I had to think about how I should recognise the root of the problem, and I felt like I had to find a way to stand out. That was the only way I knew how to do things, so I wasn’t even sure how I should conduct myself in a way that would be beneficial to the group.

I see.

Also, when we first became a group, it was difficult for me to continue my cool character, or personality. I thought it would be bad if everyone became like me, but I thought that it would be good to have at least one person in the group that acts this way. But if I become too different from the group’s colors, I would end up being out of place. I have no intention of changing my way of doing things, but I thought that it would be bad if I became a nuisance to someone, so at the least I decided not to be obtrusive.

So, what did you think about debuting?

I think all the members had that in mind when they wanted to debut. I also had the feeling of wanting to debut. Personality-wise I’m not the type to eagerly show it, but I felt like it would be nice if we could debut.

There are Jr’s who set a time limit on their activities, did you set a time limit too?

I didn’t think about it. When Naniwa Danshi was formed, I had been a Jr for 4 years. I thought that any official decision would be far ahead in the future. More than anything, I treasured the things that were happening when they were happening, rather than thinking ahead. I could say that my parents also left all the decisions to me. I didn’t really ask anyone for advice regarding being a Jr.

I thought that it was my fault that we were not making our debut

Gradually, there has been an increase in jobs for the group, and the concert venue has gotten bigger too. Heading towards the debut, have you felt that it's not only the members, but the expectations of the fans getting bigger?

That's right. As we continue to work with various big projects, everyone's expectations grow along with it. However, when it came to debuting, there were a few things that made me think about it, I don't know how to explain it well.

What do you mean?

If I were to mention a reason why we could not debut, I think that undoubtedly it would have been because of me. It might be because I did not stand out in a good way. I have been particularly told off about my dance. That I have to try harder. I have also been told off about smiling more than other other members. Well it was mostly about dance anyways.

Do you mean that you have felt that you're holding back the group?

It's because of me that our group is not very visible from outside. Other than me, the rest of the members were all prepared for debut at any time, yet only because of the fact that I have not reached that level will cause us to not not debut is something I have felt all the time.

July 28, 2021 at Yokohama Arena. When the debut was announced, you cried more than any other members. That just showed how responsible you felt at the time.

The fact we were able to make our debut is the result of me being met the bare minimum recognition requirement. Since I have always thought that I have been holding everyone back, that's why, it's definitely that moment which will be carved into my heart, or something like that. Made me think that if we were finally getting the reward for the hard work of the other 6 people.

You cried a lot on Ohkura's chest backstage.

As it was immediate after the debut announcement, the second I saw Okura-kun's face, I couldn't stop my tears, and even though I was supposed to say "Thank you", but for some reason nothing but the words "I am sorry" would come out.

After debuting, I am sure that you have received congratulatory wishes from a lot of people.

Everyone celebrated it. I personally told the news to my parents, Juri-kun, Ren-kun and then received "congratulations" from them. I received a text from Juri-kun that said, "From here on, things might not go as smoothly but give your best and cross that bridge together with members"

Words from senpai are precious after all.

That's right. Juri-kun in particular is really just on his own, but I admire that way of living life. I can feel the fear as well as the reassuring energy of having a self that won't be carried away from him. The more you know, the more you will understand that he is a very thoughtful person. At first, I was so intimidated by him that I did not want to get close, but I was wrong. He's kind. I want to be like him. I admire Tanaka Juri-kun wholeheartedly.

Moving on, when you look back to the days before debuting, what do you think of those days?

I think that I got really lucky. In the first place, the fact I was accepted was 100% luck because I had that kind of attitude. I wonder why I was chosen from the audition? I don't have anything but words of gratitude for Johnny-san.

He used the word "luck'' quite a lot, but the fact that he continued to do voice training and worked hard in the shadows is known to both members and fans. That it's not just luck.

However, after all, debuting to me means a lot as it is a way to give back to the members and Nanifam. Until now I have been holding everyone back, that's why I want to give back even if it's a little from now onwards. Also regarding the voice training that I have been doing for a long time, of course there's the fact that I love singing but, only if I can get better than Ohashi-kun and I, compared to one person singing alone, the two of us together can expand the range of songs that we sing as a group. I believe that it will expand the range of expressions that we are able to express.

So, do you have any goal that you want to accomplish with the group?

Of course, like all my members, I also want to do concerts at domes and the national stadium. But about the dreams and goals of the group in general, instead of me having anything particular that I want to do, I mostly hop on with things that the members want to do.

Are you okay with that?

Whenever the topic of dreams and aspirations comes up in our conversations, once everyone is done talking, at last they would ask "Kyohei, do you have anything to say?" I generally don't have anything to add in but of course there are times when I must say things about my thoughts and interests. However, because we have 7 members, whenever anyone says that they want to go after their dream, I think I'm good as long as I'm adjusting myself with that. It's not that I would follow just anyone, because it's a place that my beloved members are aiming for, I just want to be with them in it. That's because I want to fulfill the precious dreams of the 6 members whom I trust more than anyone else together with them.

I want to become a shield that can protect the members

A message towards the members you trust with your heart. Starting with Daigo-kun.

When I entered, I did not think that we would get along. He was the person who was leading Kansai Johnny's Jr. during the time I entered. He really cares about the members and he's the type to carry all the responsibilities on his shoulders. "You don't have to take all the responsibilities by yourself", or rather, I wish I could take a share of his responsibilities, even if it's by a little, is what I think.

Onishi-kun.

Ryuche is older than me in terms of how long we have been in Johnny's and younger than me in terms of age. That's the kind of relationship I share with him. But, he's kind to anyone and everyone, that's why I was also able to talk with him without any hesitation from the very first. He was a laid back senpai as well as a kouhai to me. Right now he has the role of cute representative within the group, that's why he is someone who is loved by both younger and older groups of people. I am really glad that Ryuche is in Naniwa Danshi.

Michieda-kun.

We really have been together ever since our entrance. When the 3 of us used to work together he would always talk with us about his dreams like "It'd be nice if we can do things like that!". If Micchi says something, then no matter how big the dream is, I feel like it will definitely come true. That's why, being enchanted, I worked hard towards the dreams Micchi always talks about. Besides, one by one, the dreams that he used to talk about during that time are really coming true. I am really glad from the very bottom of my heart that we are in the group together.

Nagao-kun.

I have spent the most time with Kento in private as well. He's a fellow member but he feels like a friend to me. Right now he has the role of energetic representative youngest member who livens up the atmosphere within the group. Along with that he carries the big talent of thinking and coming up with new ideas for the costumes. I think he's the strength of the group.

Ohashi-kun.

In front of everyone he's a clumsy leader kinda, like he behaves not like a leader but, the one who has been supporting the group is undoubtedly Ohashi-kun. He's a person who can see everything that the others don't even notice. This is something leader-like of he. I might get scolded if I say too much but, the first time we were invited for a show, when he realized that the members were nervous, to loosen up the tense atmosphere he said "I am totally not nervous!" But, judging from his expressions when the other members weren't looking at him, I can tell that he was indeed nervous. He always takes the lead on his own, it's like, the part of him who would do things that the others can not do, I think that's actually very leader-like of him.

Joichiro-kun.

Ohashi-kun is the group's leader, Daigo-kun is the one who leads everyone but the one who is always watching over the group from a step behind is Jo-kun. He really looks over every one of the members. If someone is not talking he would initiate a conversation, or would throw in a joke. The fact that my personality is standing still is all thanks to Jo-kun being there. Because Jo-kun is there, that's why Naniwa Danshi's Takahashi Kyohei was able to stand up.

Joichiro-kun is an irreplaceable existence to Kyohei-kun, isn't it?

Of course without any of the members the Takahashi Kyohei right now would have been different. I have nothing but gratefulness towards everyone. I, who had no interest in people or strangers, was able to change because I was able to meet such respectable members. The fact I am able to cherish people other than myself and live such a fulfilling and enjoyable life is all thanks to the members.

Naniwa Danshi is a nice group with really nice members.

Of course, it's not like every member has everything in them. If someone is lacking in something, the person who has that something makes up for them. Everyone has their own roles and strength that does not overlap with one another. For example, if it's an acting job then it'd be Daigo-kun or Micchi. For variety shows, Jo-kun and Ohashi-kun. For the costumes it's Kento. For instagram and goods it would be Ryuche.

What is Kyohei-kun's strength and role in the group?

Since I'm the visual representation of the group, that's why I want to turn my visuals into a strength. Besides that, I think that it's my role to be a shield for the members. In the present era, of course, there's not only positive feedback, but negative opinions from the antis reach me as well. As I am a positive narcissist, that's why I can't help but think "So there's opinions like that too. Thanks for letting me know". However, amongst the members there are people who cannot take these things well. I want to take in all the negativity towards the members on my shoulder. I think that it'd be better if I could become the target of everything.

From here on it's Takahashi Kyohei's start

Now that you have made your debut, please leave a message for your kouhai.

I see, hmm, if you are in a group, cherish the members. If you are not in a group yet, please cherish your fellow colleagues. And I think that whether you are in a group or not, the most important thing is to have fun. I spent my Jr. era by having fun and treasuring it. And, if you are ever asked to do something, I want you to do your best to respond. If you don't give your best in that moment by thinking that you'll do better later, it will be too late by then. Thanks to the members and people around me, I barely realized that.

From here on, what are your personal goals?

Personally, I like to do the things I want to do step by step. But I am the type who likes to actually do things first instead of saying it, that's why I would like to report those things once my dreams have come true.

Please tell us about it, even if it's just a sneak peak.

Hmm, there are quite a lot of things but, if I talk about things that are within the range, then, for example, I want to improve my acting skills. It's something that is reserved for me to talk about in the future but, next year in March, I will be appearing in the movie "Na No Ni, Chigira-kun ga Ama Sugiru". I did my best while carrying the weight of having my first starring role. It's no longer the usual me anymore. From here on, I hope you can see an image of Takahashi Kyohei making a start from here.

Lastly, a message towards your fans.

Right now we're in the middle of our debut tour, after finally being able to meet everyone at the venue, I had the realization that it's not only us who wanted to see our fans. I realized how thankful we are that we sing and the fans come to the venue to see us. I am really happy that the fans, despite having their own school or job, take out time from their daily lives to cheer us on. Our fans become happy whenever any of our members land a job, they celebrate our birthdays together with us, it's as if we are a family. I feel it all over again that how perfect the fan name "Nanifam" is. Last but not the least, such Nanifam's smiles are our treasure.

This time it was a long interview, thank you.

Thank you. I thought about this while speaking, I talked about the group's dream, as well as the fact that I don't take initiatives by myself. However, I also have a dream that I want to fulfill with the group. My only wish is to forever continue being a group with the 7 of us. That's all I want.

The End.

Translation: @kyoroolove @nishihatas

Proofread: @suzin_tuan @shotawatanabes

[samwise9]

Hi, this is probably a very late response, not much of a question. I have stumbled upon your account and read through the whole "drifting away from Lucemond pairing" thing.

That's honestly very relatable. I used to like them a lot at the beginning, read through almost every fanfic, even yours too (they are great & you are one of the greatest Lucemond fanfic writers out there).

Honestly, it's kinda difficult for me to find out why it has become so hard to like the pairing (at least for me) because in the beginning, it was just so great, y'know, like magic. The Golden Era is probably in the beginning.

But you formulated so well, especially about the fandom discourse thing. I started falling off around the time one of the Lucemond fanfic I followed ended.

Afterwards, it's just constantly trying to catch up then failing. The last straw is probably when the discourse/drama about bottom/feminine/omega Luke being anti-tr4ns (which I don't get), and people start being a puritan about their preferred Lucemond Dynamics (top/bottom thing). It's all so silly, like they are the same ship with only slightly different dynamics, why bother hating on other people who doesn't have the same preference as theirs when they can just not interact.

The oversaturation & internal shipwars become tiring real fast. Even if a lot of content is supposed to be a good thing, for some reason it becomes one of the factors.

One of the silliest things I have ever come across on reading fic under that ship tag is when upon reading a supposedly "good fic" (that one of the readers start cross promoting it under other people's fic), the author opens the story by going on a rant how they don't like ABO, while writing & integrating ABO into their fic & making it a central theme. The author also calls ABO trope problematic (why do they even write a fanfic about it when they don't like the trope and call it "gross" then?)

When some people call the author out on it, they just go on this long paragraphic arguments in the comment section. It ends up being entertaining, but somehow tiring, too. I end up clicking out after reading the war in the comments.

You probably have read it. It's popular despite the author starting their fic with that hate note to the ABO trope.

Anyway, I just want to say I fully agree with you that some people are so toxic that their discourse ended up making others uncomfortable despite it being such a good pairing. Thank you for clearing it up. Now, I have a guess why I ended up falling off the pairing.

Also, I want to ask, do you think content oversaturation contributes to people leaving a ship ? Because I am on the fence about this too, on one side, contents keep a fandom alive, but on the other, it makes me dislike a ship despite liking it beforehand (could be because of other reasons, I just haven't discover it I guess).

I want to ask you a lot more, your opinions are really interesting. Thank you for engaging in QnA (ignore those people who are just trying to argue with you by submitting anon, I read them, and they come across as somewhat trying to rile you up).

It's fine if you don't answer this, I just want to send it because I do like going through your account, reading your responses, and see the discussion why & how you don't follow this certain pairing anymore (it is rarely discussed, so discovering your answers are interesting).

Sorry if some terms are unfamiliar/hard to understand, English isn't my first language.

God i am so sorry for how long it has taken me to get to your ask. No excuse, I have just been exceptionally lazy over the past few months and I cannot promise that this won't happen again however I am trying to avoid doing my real life job so here I am. Also your English is perfect so dont worry. It is better than mine and it is my first language 👍. I have a feeling that for as long as your ask was, my answer will be equally as long.

I am with you re. the internal ship wars. Let people read what they want to read and write what they want to write and it's all golden. I cannot stand people who try to dictate and police what others do be it in fan art, in a fic or, on a few memorable occasions, what people post on the Lucemond tumblr hash-tag.

Ahh yeah I do vaguely remember coming across an abo fic where the author was open on how they thought the trope was problematic which I found quite funny but it is a trope that is extremely popular in the fandom and, at the time, I thought that it wasn't that surprising that authors who haven't previously written the trope would expand into it, especially when hits/kudos began to dwindle across the whole fandom. However I mind reading an ask answer on here ages ago about how popular abo is in Lucemond and a really good point made was that abo is just a really good way of removing obstacles you have plot wise when you have a same sex ship, especially in a universe such as HoTD and GoT where canon is so detailed and lore heavy. That may be why writers who don't agree with the underlying tropes still utilise abo as it means you are not having to spend chapter or chaper trying to untangle a way to make the story work in a canon setting.  I do think there is a way to do abo without the problematic aspect some people have with it but I suppose its all down to how much of the trope you take issue with. It's something I have done in the past (both use it as a easy plot device and remove the aspects of the trope that I dont particularly jive with as a reader) and will probably do more of going forward.

In terms of oversaturation and people leaving the ship I dont think it was/is an issue with Lucemond as such. I just think Lucemond was always a ship which, with the benefit of hindsight, was destined for a relatively short shelf-life just by its very nature - at the end of the day the ship involves one person who is canonically dead in a show that is only on its first season with some very popular characters who are either still to make their debut or ones who will take more of a center stage in the following seasons. From being in a number of fandoms the truly popular ships which are able to continue to retain the levels of fan interaction that they had at the beginning were able to do so because the two characters in a ship continously interacted in a show/film (even if it is only a few scenes every now and then) which galvanised shippers to create more content. Lucemond simply doesn't have that as one character is dragon food. The discourse, IMO, just hastened the rate in which people left.

I think the downside to how quickly the ship exploded did contribute to is making people stuck in their ways somewhat. People have their preferences on what they want Aemond and Luke to act like and who they are and it makes it difficult for creators who want to go out of the box to get a foothold - the result of that is that they just go to different fandoms where they don't get shit for having one character bottom and the other topping or get thousands of notifications because yet another argument has broken out in a comments section but things will likely pick up once the new season hits.

[what-if-nct]

hellooo today's reminder is it's a bad weekend to be a british comedy fan. which I've been out of for a while now, except Taskmaster, but then I read some things about Noel fielding and Richard ayoade, both of whom i previously liked and used to look forward to them being on shows i like, and now I'm sad. I'd like to think the ones i actually follow and support (the younger super left leaning politically correct ones) are not monsters but i don't know anymore. why is the world so fucked up and why do men in power go to such lengths to be cruel

Hiii! And I've only heard about Russell Brand which sadly I heard his name without context and knew what it was going to be about. I honestly thought things had already came out about him. I could have sworn I heard these things about him years ago. But gosh it does seem like specifically comedians are being unveiled as horrible people. It sucks that men can't have any kind of power, fame or status without being completely horrible and abusing it. What sucks even more is that very rarely do they ever face real life consequences. these men get just barely a slap on the wrist. Which is why it is such a huge thing Danny Masterson got a sentencing that long. Oddly enough I never really liked Hyde but I loved Eric. (Also loved Kelso\Ashton so my judge of character isn't perfect) hopefully this isn't something that blows over in a week. Hopefully the men actually face the consequences of their actions. But it sucks that it's so hard to be decent human beings and not do or say fucked up things. It's genuinely so easy to be a respectable person. But there's just people who refuse to do so.

[thebreakfastgenie]

I have a lot of complicated feelings about this so if you find this ask uncomfortable please feel free to not answer. In a nutshell I had a very close friend in my 20's. The kind of friend people tell you adults don't have anymore. Acquaintances knew us as "__ & ___". And unfortunately while still in his 20s he was diagnosed with an aggressive cancer that took his life within a few months. This was very difficult to me to say the least and I truly believe I will never find another person who will understand me or connect with me that day, romantic, sexual or platonic. So I feel like when people are like "let people have platonic soulmates" this is the kind of relationship they want to see. I've experienced one myself. Some don't. Some have those relationships that last a lifetime. I never got that chance. ... but all of that being said, I still always get confused when people are like "why can't people just be friends! why can't it be just friendship for once!". Because even though I've had the kind of relationship people are talking about when they say that, I don't personally see any shortage in media of men having these kind of intense powerful friendships? There are whole genres built on it. The buddy film. Found family. I don't really see what people mean when they say that two men can't be shipped because it's somehow off-limits because we need to preserve this rare depiction of friendship, because that depiction in media to me has always seemed much more common and valued than people keep telling me it happens in real life. I feel like I shouldn't need to say this but just for clarification I also don't ship BeejHawk (or really anyone from MASH) so I have no skin in this race from that perspective. But I've heard people use that same argument a lot for different friendship/common ship pairs and it just always falls flat to me on those grounds. What am I missing here??

Hi, anon!

First of all, I'm sorry for your loss. As you may know from following me, especially if you've seen my pinned post, I had a similar experience as a child. I am fortunate enough to have another platonic soulmate in my current best friend.

I can't speak for anyone else on the "why can't they just be friends" thing, but this is the way I see it. This is probably incomplete because I used up most of my focus for the day on my job, but these are some thoughts, and I may add to them later.

There isn't a shortage of platonic relationships in media. There is a shortage of platonic relationships in fandom. Contrary to the current popular trends, fandom is not only about romantic shipping, and as someone who is interested in multiple kinds of relationships, the constant focus on shipping gets old. If you want gen content, you basically have to make it yourself. I am also not personally ever saying any ship should be off-limits for that reason. But in fandom spaces, especially when a ship is popular, there is a pressure to ship it that isn't always visible unless you're one of the people who doesn't. A lot of it is passive pressure; when ship content completely dominates a fandom space, it sucks if you don't ship it. It sucks even more if you're very interested in the dynamic between those characters, but don't see it as romantic, because there just isn't anywhere to go. It's especially frustrating when the canonical relationship is platonic, but any analysis of that is expected to fit a romantic narrative that was invented by fans.

Because that's the thing... it's expected. This ties into a larger issue, which is that spaces like tumblr conflate fandom, activism, and identity. It's seen as cooler and more progressive to ship the popular gay ships. It's also seen as inherently tied to your identity. People say "gay fans" when they mean "fans of this gay ship" and if you're a gay fan who doesn't like that ship, that honestly feels pretty fucking bad. There can also be a pretty condescending attitude that's basically like... if you don't ship this, you just don't get it. This is especially frustrating with a non-canon ship because like... no, I understand the source material just fine, I just don't subscribe to this particular popular extra-textual interpretation. There's also a certain attitude to the shipping where every interaction is treated as evidence of the ship. This runs the gamut from acts that clearly indicate love of some kind to literally standing next to each other. The "if not then why" principle gets really tiresome when there is an obvious (and canon) platonic explanation.

This is personal to me, but when I look at two characters doing things I do with my best friends, and then the fandom says "wow look how they're in love, you'd have to be insane or stupid to think they're not" I don't really like it. I know it's not that deep. But it does kind of eat away at the way I'm relating my experiences to what I see. And I'm a little sensitive about people insisting relationships must be romantic that aren't, which is very related to my experiences growing up gay. I would get both "oh, you like him!" and refusal to believe my denials about boys I was honestly just friends with and people I barely knew asking if I was dating my friends. When one of my best friends came out as bisexual in college, people we went to high school with began saying we had been a couple. We never were. As a gay person, it's important to me that people understand that I can still be best friends, even affectionate best friends or platonic soulmates, with women without being in love with them romantically. Maybe that's because I grew up in the "okay just don't hit on me" era of homophobia, I don't know. And I do try to keep some perspective about these things because again, I know it's fandom and not that deep. But when it's unending "the only possible explanation for this is romantic love" it does make me start to wonder... is that how they see people in real life, too?

The way fandom boxes every intense relationship between two men into a sexual/romantic label honestly feels reductionist to me. There is a whole spectrum of human experiences I want to explore through this piece of media and this relationship. It's also just... gotten to a point in fandom spaces (and this is not specific to one fandom) where the word "gay" appears before everything. "Gay little show" "gay people when" and it's not even relevant! The gay shipping overshadows literally everything else and some of us are just not into it, but still interested in fandom. So "why can't people just be friends" to me is not just about how relationships are interpreted, but also about just wanting to talk about something else besides the ship for once. This is also a problem with het ships, including canon ones, but the difference, in my experience, is a superiority associated with gay ships. Wanting two fictional men to kiss isn't doing anything--positive or negative--for the LGBT community.

I do also call into question a little bit the idea that media is full of well-developed, close platonic relationships between men. Particularly when you're talking about M*A*S*H, which aired from 1972 to 1983. During his interview with Mike Farrell on MASHCast, Rob told Mike how important it was to him as a teenage boy to see two men who were friends be open about their affection for each other. Maybe now in 2022 we see more of that--though my opinion is a lot of the buddy genre is very surface level--but that wasn't so commonplace when the show was on and I think that historical significance is worth acknowledging.

It's also just... gotten to a point in fandom spaces (and this is not specific to one fandom) where the word "gay" appears before everything. "Gay little show" "gay people when" and it's not even relevant! The gay shipping overshadows literally everything else and some of us are just not into it, but still interested in fandom. So "why can't people just be friends" to me is not just about how relationships are interpreted, but also about just wanting to talk about something else besides the ship for once. This is also a problem with het ships, including canon ones, but the difference is, in my experience, there's a superiority associated with gay ships. Wanting two fictional men to kiss isn't doing anything--positive or negative--for the LGBT community.

[elgaladwen]

I was tagged by @cityoftheangelllls, but I'm starting a new thread! <3

Last song: Ophelia by the Lumineers

Currently watching: Gosh, I barely watch anything anymore, since I use all my free time for games, but I need to catch up on all the latest Star Trek series, except Picard.

Currently reading: If you can count audiobooks, since I consume one every couple of days while I work or play games, we have the Spellmonger series by Terry Mancour which I am enjoying so far, and The Kingdom Chronicles Series by Camille Peters, which is honestly super vapid and probably meant for pre-teens, but they're just entertaining enough that I will probably listen to them all, since I just need something to help entertain me while I do other things. Physically I am still reading Kingdom of the Wicked by Kerri Maniscalco, and The Nature of Middle Earth since I rarely ever carve out time to read anymore. Also Yona of the Dawn if we're counting manga.

Current obsession: LOTRO, I bet you had no idea! This is why I never have time to watch shows or read, since I tend to prioritize it. (But I have a wonderful time RPing with my friends, or running around levelling while on voice chat, so it's social too!) I do play other games too, just not to the same extent. This has been my obsession for like 6 years now though, so I keep waiting to get bored with it, since I usually cycle though hyperfixating on interests after a year or so. So you're supposed to tag nine people and I am always so bad at who to pick and I never want to make anyone feel obligated, so I will take the coward's route out, and say that if you want to do this, so this, this is me tagging you! Even if I don't follow you, go for it! The thread I jumped off of is here.